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weirdkpopgirl · 1 year ago

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Friends Who Kiss | Chenle Fic #1

Title: Friends Who Kiss

Genre: Best friends to lovers, high school/college au

Warnings: mentions of the reader being insecure and having a mental breakdown at some point. a little suggestive, but not really

Word Count: ~ 5.6k

Author's Note: Okay to be very honest, I think that this story is kinda stupid and cliché. But it was an idea that I still wanted to try writing. And this is my first full-length fic for Chenle too, so I'm happy to post something for him. So to those who like cheesy romance stories, I hope you enjoy this. Thank you for reading ^ ^

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Since the start of high school, Zhong Chenle has been a consistent part of your life. He arrived as a transfer student from Shanghai, while you were the reserved kid who often used studying as an excuse to avoid social interaction. So rather than you reaching out to him first, it was he who practically claimed you as his best friend. Your personalities were a striking contrast, but it proved to be the perfect balance. It didn't take long for the two of you to become inseparable.

However, your friendship took a turn in eleventh grade. You guys had gone to your house after school to do homework. Except it was mostly you working on assignments, while Chenle was animatedly ranting about some mobile game Jisung was terrible at playing.

“It’s unbelievable! Every time I check his character gets killed,” Chenle laughed, and you responded with a soft hum of acknowledgment.

The boy glanced up from his phone to find you engrossed in your textbooks. While your attention was focused on writing an essay, you were also trying to keep your mind from drifting to the unsettling conversation you had during lunch that day. Typically, you and Chenle sat together with his friends. But Jisung needed the boy’s help stalking his crush, so you found yourself sitting with some of the girls in your class.

Sensing the inner conflict brewing in your mind, Chenle rose from the bed and leaned over your shoulder.

“You've been at this since we got here. How is your brain not fried?” he asked, blunt as usual.

You shot the boy with an unappreciative glare. “It is fried. But our essay is due on Monday, and I still have to help you with yours.”

Chenle sighed, well aware of your enduring determination. Ever since he met you, he couldn’t understand why you stressed so much over assignments, especially when you always completed them before the due date. Then you somehow managed to go out of your way to ensure he was doing the same.

“You’re more than halfway finished, and I’ll get to mine on my own time,” He reassured, “Why don’t you take a break for now?”

Before you could protest, Chenle swiftly pulled you out of your chair and guided you to sit on the bed with him. Worry clouded his gaze. “Something’s troubling you, isn’t it?”

Your teeth sank into your lower lip, hating how Chenle knew you so well. He didn’t have a problem sharing what was on his mind, while you were the exact opposite. Yet, even a single look at you was enough for him to detect something was off.

“The girls at lunch were going on about their dating experiences and stuff,” you began to explain, your tone tinged with irritation at the memory. “They were all so surprised when I said I haven’t had my first kiss yet.”

You pushed yourself to meet Chenle's gaze, half dreading that he might burst into laughter. Instead, his expression held a hint of amusement, and that alone made you regret bringing up the topic.

Before he could respond, you hurriedly attempted to backtrack on your words. “It's stupid, I know—”

“It’s not stupid if it’s making you upset,” Chenle said firmly.

Leaning back in your seat, you let out an exasperated sigh. “I just can’t get their judgmental looks out of my head. All because I don’t have much experience with dating?”

Chenle's expression softened as he confessed, "There's nothing wrong with that, and there’s a lot of people like you. I haven't had my first kiss either."

“Really?!” You stared at him in disbelief. “Didn't you date Ko Mi-so though?”

Chenle scoffed, appearing slightly offended. “Okay, that happened such a long time ago. And we didn't even last a month, so we never kissed.”

Now that you thought about it, he was right about their relationship ending almost as quickly as it began. You recalled the time back in tenth grade when Chenle was quite smug about dating Mi-so, who happened to be the prettiest girl in class. Frankly, you were somewhat relieved when they broke up, given that she didn't particularly like you. Chenle hasn’t dated anyone since.

“Oh, I guess that makes sense,” your voice trailed off.

The boy stayed silent for a moment before an idea dawned on him. “You know what? Why don’t we have our first kiss now?”

Your cheeks felt like they were competing for a world record in how quickly they heated up at Chenle's proposal. He couldn't possibly be serious.

“Did I hear you right?” you stammered, thoroughly taken aback by the suggestion.

Chenle nodded confidently, “I mean, we're best friends, so it's not that weird. And it's better than kissing someone we don't know as well or not have a connection with.”

You could kind of see his point. Having Chenle as your first kiss did seem much safer than kissing some random guy. Besides, it wasn’t like either of you had any underlying feelings for each other. This would solely be for practice.

“Alright,” you reluctantly agreed, “But you have to promise not to make fun of me if I turn out to be a bad kisser."

Chenle chuckled and nodded. He inched closer to you on the bed, leaving little space between the two of you. Although he saw you every day, having your face this near made a faint blush tinge his cheeks.

He started to lean in more before pausing. "Um, maybe you should close your eyes."

"Oh—right," you mumbled awkwardly, then took a deep breath before allowing your eyelids to shut.

He had to suppress a chuckle, finding you kinda cute in that moment. Before you had a chance to second-guess yourself, Chenle pressed his lips against yours in a tender kiss. Shortly after, he drew back, searching for your reaction.

“So, how was that?” He asked, voice laced with teasing.

You stared at him incredulously for a moment before realizing he was waiting for you to answer. “I suppose it was okay,” you mumbled.

Chenle tilted his head with an amused grin. “Just okay?”

“Yeah, I guess I didn't feel much because we're not really into each other like that,” you admitted with a nonchalant shrug.

Okay, you might have partially lied about not feeling much during the kiss. Truth be told, there was this strange, fluttery sensation in your chest when your best friend's lips grazed yours. But perhaps all first kisses were like that, and you were simply overthinking it.

The boy beside you let out a hearty laugh. “Well at least we got that over with.”

You had to muster all your self-control not to blush when he followed up with, “And you're not a bad kisser, by the way.”

Believing that the experiment was over, the two of you returned to your previous tasks. Nothing changed much after that day in your bedroom, as you and Chenle remained best friends. But little did you realize that this wouldn't be the last kiss you'd be sharing with him.

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Despite your previous attempts to justify it, the second kiss you shared with Chenle happened partially because of you. As your senior year of high school unfolded, Chenle prepared for his performance at the spring festival. It was you who initially urged him to participate in the talent show. The countless times you had witnessed his piano playing and singing during your private moments together convinced you that he should share his talents with the world. Your compliments not only fueled Chenle’s ego but also prompted him to eagerly jot his name down on the sign-up sheet.

However, what you didn’t expect was to find him backstage, looking as pale as a ghost. He was supposed to go after a group of girls who were dancing to Red Velvet’s “Red Flavor.” With the intention of cheering him on in person, you spotted the dark-haired boy sitting on a chair, anxiously bouncing his legs.

“Last-minute jitters?" you asked softly.

Chenle glanced up at you and crossed his arms in a nonchalant manner. “What, me? I'm fine,” he replied, though his tone lacked conviction.

Just as Chenle knew you like the back of his hand, you were among the few who could read him. While he was partially correct about never being nervous, it didn't take an idiot to perceive that he was in that moment. It was evident he was trying to play it off to uphold his confident image.

One aspect that troubled you about Chenle was his constant facade of cheerfulness and carefree demeanor. No one could genuinely be happy all the time, and he was the kind of person who concealed his negative feelings when around others.

After deliberating on how to address the situation, you gently rested your hand on his shoulder, bringing yourself to eye level with him.

“Hey, you’re going to be amazing out there,” you reassured him. “I’ve seen how many hours you put into practicing that song. You have nothing to worry about.”

Chenle let out a heavy sigh. “Yeah, you're right.”

The smile he bestowed upon you didn't quite convince you. Biting your lip in hesitation, you glanced around to ensure no one else was nearby. Once you were sure that you were alone, you leaned down and gently planted a kiss on the boy’s forehead. Chenle’s eyes widened in surprise at your actions.

“What was that for?”

Blushing, you took a step back and stammered, “Just for good luck, you know. I—I’ll be right there in the crowd, watching you. So if you feel nervous on stage, just look at me.”

A more reassured smile spread across Chenle’s lips and before he stood up to swiftly peck you on the lips, leaving you more stunned than he was a few seconds ago.

“There, I definitely feel more ready now,” he declared with a teasing glint. And the smug Chenle you were familiar with had returned.

As Chenle’s playfulness lingered in the air, the sound of the audience clapping erupted for the girls, putting an end to your “moment.” With a knowing look, you both parted ways, allowing Chenle to step into the spotlight for his performance.

As he took the stage, you found a spot in the crowd, eyes fixed on him with awe. The rhythm of the applause filled the air, drowning out any lingering thoughts. In that moment, the stage became his world, and you couldn't help but be swept away by the magic of his talent. The earlier exchange faded into the background as you watched Chenle shine, each note and melody weaving a captivating spell that left you in admiration.

Neither of you mentioned the kiss after that day. The interaction remained more platonic than anything, a gesture that was only meant to show your support for him. But Chenle still liked to think he killed the stage because of it.

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Chenle was undeniably responsible for the next time the two of you kissed. However, this particular incident didn't unfold until the first semester of your freshman year in college. The joy of discovering you both had been accepted into the same university was palpable, though Chenle appeared to be more exuberant about the news. In contrast, you felt a sense of relief, grateful that you wouldn't be venturing into the world of college alone.

In one of your classes, a sunbae began to show interest in you. Despite your attempts to politely reject him, it became apparent that he wasn't willing to accept no for an answer.

One day after class, he cornered you in the hallway, insisting that you go out with him. As you tried to maintain your composure, he grabbed you by the wrist when you tried to walk away. The harsh move triggered internal panic within you.

You could sense the danger in his tone as his head tilted cockily. “Come on, (Y/n), don’t be so difficult. I know you’re just playing hard to get.”

“I—I’m sorry but I just don’t feel the same as you, Sunbae,” you stuttered, trying to be assertive. “Please let go.”

Refusing to relent, the sunbae was on the verge of pulling you in closer when another hand intervened, forcefully ripping you out of his grasp. Your head turned in astonishment to see Chenle casting a disgusted look at the guy in front of you. The flames in Chenle’s eyes made you realize that you had never seen him so livid before.

“She said to let go of her. What part of that do you not understand?” Chenle’s voice cut through the tension.

The sunbae scoffed and crossed his arms in defense, “Yah, who are you to involve yourself in someone else’s matters? Are you her boyfriend or something?”

You watched as the corner of Chenle’s lips turned into a smirk as he snaked an arm around your waist in a protective gesture.

“That’s right. So who are you to go after another man’s girlfriend?” he retorted confidently. Your eyes widened, almost surprised as the jerk in front of you.

Shaking his head in a mix of disbelief and embarrassment, the sunbae pointed a finger at you. “This is a joke, right? You just asked him to pretend to be your boyfriend to mess with me!”

Before you could respond, Chenle took matters into his own hands. His free hand briskly moved to the back of your neck, drawing you in for a passionate kiss. In a typical situation, your best friend's impulsive actions might have freaked you out immediately. However, the way his fingers delicately pressed against your back reassured you that he was doing this for your sake, Closing your eyes, you kissed back and tried to reciprocate with the same passion Chenle was pouring.

Moments later, Chenle pulled away and turned to the sunbae, wearing a satisfied grin on his face. “Do you believe her now? Not that she has to prove anything to you.”

The older male muttered begrudgingly under his breath, “Whatever, not worth my time.”

With a scowl, he stormed off, leaving behind a palpable sense of relief in the wake of his departure. Once he was gone, you removed yourself from Chenle's hold and shot him a look of confusion.

“You know you didn’t have to do that right?”

Chenle chuckled, “Well, someone had to put an end to his nonsense. Besides, I've always wanted to play the protective boyfriend card.”

“Protective boyfriend? You almost gave me a heart attack!” You smacked him on the shoulder.

Chenle’s smirk remained, but he adopted a more concerned tone. “But seriously, (Y/n), why didn’t you tell me he was bothering you earlier?”

“I thought I could handle things on my own.” You shrugged weakly, lowering your head in guilt.

Chenle sighed, recognizing your aversion to depending on others for your problems. Throughout the time he’d known you, he'd witnessed your willingness to go to great lengths to help those you cared about. However, when it came to your own struggles, you seemed to prefer suffering in silence.

“We’re best friends for a reason,” he reminded you, “Looking after each other is 50/50, you know?”

You offered him a small smile, “I guess you’re right. Thanks for saving me today.”

“Well, you can thank me by buying food tonight,” Chenle said, the playful glint returning to his eyes. “It’s your turn anyway.”

Rolling your eyes, you let him lead you out of the building. But Chenle’s words from earlier lingered in the back of your mind. “We’re best friends for a reason.”

The two of you were the epitome of what best friends were. And that was all the two of you would ever be, right?

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At this point, you were beginning to lose count of the number of times you’ve kissed your best friend. Despite this, your friendship maintained its familiar rhythm throughout the university. But after that hallway encounter, the awkwardness that came with kissing your best friend faded. Although it was more of Chenle seeming unfazed, and you becoming less surprised each time it happened. And indeed, there were a few more instances that caused your lips to meet.

Like the time Chenle excitedly dragged you to his dorm to watch a Golden State Warriors game, and, in the heat of the moment, he gave you a quick kiss before cheering some more. Then there was the other time when you both went out for drinks with friends, a few drunken kisses were shared.

There weren't any real feelings attached to the kisses you and Chenle shared. At least, that was what you repeatedly told yourself. However, as you were halfway through your first year of university, you finally started to question the true nature of your friendship with Zhong Chenle.

Those thoughts began to sink in just before your first finals in college. Isolated in your dorm room, you immersed yourself in studying for a math exam scheduled in three days. Calls and texts from friends went largely ignored as you turned off your phone in an attempt to focus. However, Chenle wasn't about to let that slide.

One night, he let himself into your dorm, carrying a bag of your favorite takeout—knowing well that you tended to skip meals when stressed. You could see the determination in his face, ready to scold you. But the expression quickly transitioned to one of concern when he caught you on the verge of a breakdown.

You sat at your desk surrounded by textbooks and notebooks filled with scribbled equations. The sight of your trembling body and slightly tousled hair, a result of pulling on it too hard, tugged at Chenle’s heart. He was well aware of how your anxiety affected you at times. But he had never witnessed it manifest quite like this.

Instantly, the bag was placed on the floor, and he was at your side. “(Y/n), what's wrong?"

“I—I'm going to fail my calc final,” you swallowed, your fingers curling into fists. Your shoulders slumped, and the weight of despair was evident in the way you hunched over the desk.

He placed a hand on your shoulder, attempting to calm you down. “You still have a few weeks before finals, (Y/n). And you’re not going to fail.”

“Yes, I am!” you cut him off, your voice strained. Tears welled up in your eyes, and your hands clenched even tighter. “I’ve been studying for days, and my dumb brain still doesn't understand anything. Do you know how stupid I feel?”

“Being bad at math doesn’t make you stupid, (Y/n),” Chenle said, trying to inject a bit of lightheartedness into the situation. However, his comment didn’t seem to offer you any comfort.

You shook your head miserably in response. “Stop trying to be nice. I'm going to fail, and then I’ll end up letting down my parents and everyone else.”

Chenle’s heart ached at the defeat in your voice. Setting his jokes aside, he recognized that words weren’t what you needed at the moment. Instead, he enveloped you in a warm embrace. You hesitated only briefly before surrendering to his comforting hold, attempting to fight back tears.

“Just let it out,” he whispered.

Those simple words acted as an emotional release trigger, and Chenle found himself gently rubbing your back as you quietly cried into his shoulder. A sense of mixed emotions flooded him as he held you in that moment. A part of him felt a twinge of relief, grateful that you let him be there for you. You often kept your emotions bottled up, making it a challenge for him to discern how you truly felt at times.

However, there was a pang of sadness accompanying that satisfaction. He knew you didn't just cry in front of anyone, and realizing that you had reached this breaking point signaled the depth of your struggle.

After a while, Chenle gently pulled back, brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “You need a break, (Y/n). Let’s step away from the desk for a bit.”

"No, I really should—" you began to protest, but Chenle cut you off.

"You really should eat the food I brought you before it gets cold," he insisted, picking up the bag again.

He led you to sit on the carpet of your cramped dorm room, creating a makeshift dining space for the two of you. As you both shared a meal, Chenle continued to provide a comforting presence, occasionally cracking a joke to lighten the atmosphere.

As the night wore on, the exhaustion in your eyes became more prominent. Even so, you knew you should go back to studying. But Chenle seemed to disagree.

“Maybe you should just rest for the night. I promise to help you with math in the morning,” he suggested. However, upon seeing the unconvinced look you gave him, he backtracked on his words. “Okay, I'll have Renjun help you.”

Too tired to argue, you gave in, and that's how you found yourself lying in bed with your best friend. Back in high school, you used to have sleepovers at his house on the weekends. At night, the two of you would be lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and talking about anything. However, having him beside you at that moment felt strange.

You saw a sincere tenderness reflected in those large eyes of his. A part of you wondered if Chenle often gazed at you with such fondness and you simply hadn’t noticed before. Either way, the way he was looking at you made you feel even stranger. And the short silence that had settled between the two of you wasn’t helping.

Uncertain of how much longer you could endure the intensity, you broke eye contact with him and murmured, “Thank you for always being there for me, even when I try to push you away”

Chenle chuckled, adjusting his position to prop himself up on his elbow. “Well, of course, because how could you live without me?”

His ability to joke at a time like this struck you as unfathomable. Instead of the usual eye roll or pushing off the bed, a serious expression remained etched on your face.

“You're right, I don't think I can live without you,” you said, your voice laced with drowsiness. “Because you’re one of the few people who truly care about me.”

The amusement in his eyes danced away, as he felt the gravity of your words. Something about seeing this vulnerable side of you was so beautiful in his eyes. Before he could fully process his own thoughts, Chenle found himself leaning in to close the space between you with his lips meeting your own.

Uncertain whether it was the leftover stress from your meltdown or the sleep deprivation that prompted you to kiss back without much thought. You could recall all the times you’ve kissed Chenle throughout the years. But this one would always stand out to you.

This kiss lasted a lot longer than your previous ones. But it wasn’t just the way he tilted your chin upward for a better angle, or the feeling of his dark locks of hair slipping between your fingers. Nor was it the soft pressure of his lips moving in sync with yours. It was the indescribable emotions that made time seem to stand still, weaving an unspoken connection that surpassed words and left you yearning for more.

Aside from pulling away, both of you gasping for breath, and noticing how Chenle's lips were redder than you had ever seen them, you vaguely recalled what happened after the kiss. When you woke up the next morning, Chenle was already gone. However, he had left you a text message, mentioning that he went to check if Renjun could help tutor you in math.

But math was no longer the sole stressor in your mind. Your best friend had kissed you last night, and unlike all the other times, this one left you feeling more confused than ever.

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True to his word, Renjun offered to meet up with you that Sunday afternoon at the campus library. Within an hour of sitting down to unravel the calculus concept that eluded you, Renjun finally helped you grasp the material. Although the looming fear of failing finals had diminished, you still felt a weight on your shoulders.

“You don’t seem as relieved as I thought you’d be,” Renjun remarked lightheartedly. Even he could tell your mind was preoccupied with something else.

You smiled sheepishly, “No, I am! I seriously owe you for helping me out. I just…”

“Is it something to do with Chenle?” he asked, almost like he was a mind reader.

His unexpected question caught you off guard. “How did you know?” you stammered, feeling the heat quickly rise to your cheeks.

A knowing smile played on the boy’s lips as he leaned back in his seat. “Oh come on, (Y/n). You have that look on your face that something happened between the two of you.”

Sometimes you seriously wished Renjun wasn’t so good at reading people. Even though you weren’t as close to him as Chenle was, he’s known you long enough to notice things that others wouldn’t. For instance, when something was troubling you.

Biting your lip, you debated whether to be truthful with Renjun. Although you didn't typically share your problems with others, you recognized that confiding in someone at a time like this was necessary to maintain your sanity.

“Chenle kissed me last night,” you tossed the statement out in the air, hoping you wouldn’t regret it.

Renjun’s eyes widened at this revelation, “He did?!”

“Well you see, we’ve kissed before. But this time it felt different,” you clarified, baffling the boy across from you even more. Internally cringing, you were acutely aware of how bad this sounded.

Before he could question, you continued to elaborate. “Look, it's not as complicated as it sounds. It’s just ever since we agreed to be each other’s first kiss, Chenle and I just keep having these…accidental kisses. Whether it’s out of excitement or to get guys hitting on me to go away.”

Renjun listened quietly as you recounted all the other times you’ve kissed Chenle. When you circled back to the previous night, you felt more conflicted than ever.

“But the kiss last night left me feeling so confused,” you confessed, running a hand through your hair. “Initially, I thought he was just doing it out of comfort, but now I’m not so sure.”

“Well, have you considered the possibility that he has feelings for you?” Renjun inquired, crossing his arms. His suggestion sounded so simple, yet it felt like navigating uncharted territory in your mind.

You shook your head in denial. “N—No, I mean we’ve been best friends for five years. He can’t possibly see me that way.”

“Like that’s ever stopped friends from falling for each other,” Renjun cocked his head. “It doesn’t take a genius to know that he likes you, (Y/n).”

His point made you mentally curse. If you looked at your history with Chenle from an objective point of view, the two of you certainly didn’t act like normal best friends.

“And, it’s pretty obvious that you like him too,” Renjun added, twirling the pencil between his fingers.

His statement left you feeling exposed, as if you had been caught red-handed committing a crime. Laughing nervously, you shook your head, “Renjun, we’re just friends. I…I don’t see him that way.”

Renjun raised an eyebrow, “Friends who kiss? Did you really not feel anything in those moments?”

Your teeth sank further into your lower lip as Renjun’s question hit you. The reality of your feelings for Chenle lingered in the air, challenging the facade you had built to convince yourself otherwise. It was like trying to hold sand in your fists, slipping away no matter how tightly you clenched. The truth, however inconvenient, seemed to be unraveling before you.

“I…I did feel something,” you slowly admitted, “But I never said anything because I didn’t want our friendship to change. It just seemed easier to pretend those moments were nothing more than accidents.”

Renjun’s eyes softened with understanding. “Well maybe a little change is what you need in your friendship.”

Maybe Renjun was onto something, perhaps change was necessary. In the past, you had always held out on dating, using the excuse that you were waiting for the right person. Despite the fear of potential rejection, what if Chenle was the person you had been waiting for all along?

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Chenle’s living room bathed in the gentle glow of the TV screen, a familiar sight during your Friday movie nights since college began. It was supposed to be a time to unwind, to escape the pressures of school for a little while. However, instead of the usual peaceful and easygoing atmosphere, an unspoken tension hung in the air tonight. Beyond picking a movie and deciding who made the popcorn, you and Chenle barely talked. The weight of the unspoken words made the space feel suffocating, and you couldn't shake the feeling of unease that settled in your chest.

Unable to endure the weighty silence any longer, you turned your head to make a lame comment about the movie. However, before you could speak, Chenle beat you to it.

“Can we talk?” His voice carried a hint of restlessness, an unusual departure from his usual tone.

Trying to maintain a casual demeanor, you lightly nodded. With your acknowledgment, Chenle exhaled deeply and sat up straighter to face you properly.

“I know how crazy this might sound,” he started, running a hand through his hair. “But I’ve been thinking, and I don’t think we can stay friends.”

His words felt like a gun being pointed at your chest, panic surged within you as you tried to process the boy’s words. Of all the ways you predicted this conversation could go, this was not one of them.

“What do you mean?” you asked, your voice even smaller than his.

Noticing the perplexity in your eyes, Chenle continued. “You see, I've been in love with you for—I don’t know how long. But I spent all these years burying my feelings like a fool, because I never thought you’d see me that way. Yet, every time we kiss, it becomes harder for me to ignore my feelings for you.”

Chenle glanced down at his folded hands, vulnerability seeping into those brown orbs of his. “The other night made me realize that I don’t want to just be friends who kiss anymore. I want to be something more to you.”

His words lingered in the air now that they were out in the open. Your heart raced faster than it ever has before, as your cheeks flushed with heat. Chenle’s eyes bore into yours, his expression nervous yet hopeful.

For a moment, you were left speechless. But you still had the sense to hit him on the shoulder, scolding, “Oh my gosh, you can’t start a conversation like that, Chenle. You scared me!”

The boy chuckled sheepishly, rubbing his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that. But seriously, (Y/n), I meant what I said.”

A mix of emotions played on your face before you quietly admitted, “Honestly, I’ve wanted to be something more to you since that day we kissed in my bedroom.”

You noticed a smile of relief beginning to form on his lips, but you held up a finger before he could say anything. Now that he had taken the first step, you decided it was time for you to do the same.

“But I kept trying to convince myself that all the times we kissed were accidental or just for comfort,” you confessed, looking directly into his eyes. “And the reason I’ve been pushing away my feelings for you was because I was afraid of losing a friend who means the world to me.”

His hand rested on top of yours, the light touch sending a shiver down your spine. “You don’t have to be afraid because you’ll never lose me, (Y/n).”

The softness and sincerity in his eyes made you want to cry for some inexplicable reason. You once believed that confessing your feelings for Chenle would only lead to frustration and heartbreak. However, as you sat here with him, holding his hand, those worries seemed to vanish.

“So…what do we do now?” you asked, unsure of what was supposed to come next in these situations.

A mischievous glint danced in his eyes as he grinned. “I think this is the part where we kiss. But you know, as boyfriend and girlfriend.”

Just as you were processing his words, he moved closer, his breath warm against your skin, making your heart flutter. His eyes searched yours for permission.

“Well, what are you waiting for then?” you whispered.

With that, the distance between you closed, and your lips met in a tender kiss. It was a sweet surrender, a culmination of years of friendship and suppressed feelings. Although this wasn’t your first kiss with Chenle, it felt that way in a sense. For you could finally savor the tender feeling of his lips without questioning the intention behind it.

In that moment, all you focused on was the way Chenle had his hand on the small of your back, guiding you closer as he deepened the kiss. Your fingers found their way to rest on the nape of his neck, feeling the warmth of his skin.

Although the change in this dynamic had just begun, this newfound connection promised countless moments of shared laughter, whispered confessions, and the sweet warmth of shared kisses. You had a feeling that you could easily get used to this beautiful new normal. By the way Chenle smiled during the kiss, you could tell he felt the same way.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

#nct dream #kpop #nctzen #czennie #nct dream imagines #chenle imagine #chenle fic #nct dream fic #chenle x reader #zhong chenle #nct scenarios #kpop fic #nct dream x reader #chenle #chenle scenarios

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definitelynotstable · 1 year ago

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Feverish [Ghost x fem!Reader]

AN: Hey sexies! I haven’t used Tumblr since I was like 13 (which was a while ago) and I haven’t written fanfic in a while either. I find it hard to like things without them consuming me and the current addiction is CoD. It started with CoD mobile - me and the flatties play each night and then I rediscovered Modern Warfare and realised MW2 existed. Instantly obsessed. Why are they all so fine???????? Anyway. I haven’t written creatively since like high-school so I’m rusty and there is lots I don’t know. Go easy on me babes x

Synopsis: "Holy shit, you're burning up!" – reader is sick, Ghost is worried. Word count: 1.7k Ghost x reader (callsign “Rags” don’t ask why) not proof-read i have adhd babes x

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5am just wasn’t the ideal wake-up time. Something you should’ve thought about before joining the military. Something you definitely should’ve taken into account when accepting a position in such an esteemed taskforce. The 141 rarely took breaks. When you weren’t on active duty you were at base training. Price was a stern but fair Captain. His drills were consistent and hard, pushing you all to your limits but still allowing you to grow as a team.

But Price wasn’t in charge of training today. Nor had he been for the last week. Away on some need-to-know mission he had left his lieutenant in charge. Simon “Ghost” Riley. Less consistent, far more stern but just as fair as the Captain - Ghost’s drills were significantly more difficult.

You stretched carefully, rotating your neck from side to side and sighing as it clicked. You could hear voices down the hall and the distant rumble of the kettle. Soap and Gaz no doubt. Now fully dressed you pulled on your boots and shuffled down the hall.

“Morning boys.” You yawned, pulling out a chair and slumping to lean against your crossed arms on the table.

“Morning, Rags,” Gaz echoed back to you, Soap grunting in acknowledgment as he poured his coffee.

“Any clue what the LT has in store for us today?” You ask, watching as Soap fiddled with the french-press.

He huffed as he settled into the chair across from you, nursing a mug between his scarred hands. “Somethin’ horrid, nae doubt, he’s been in a bad mood since Price took his leave.”

“I’ll say,” Gaz scoffed tipping the dregs from Soap’s press into his mug and heaping in sugar, “can barely feel my arms after yesterdays drill.”

You groaned rubbing your eyes, “yeah, I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

“I don’t recall there being any trucks involved in the drill yesterday - but that can be arranged.”

The bored voice drawled from the doorway, Lieutenant Ghost himself stood, legs shoulder width apart, arms folded across his broad chest. The man took up the entire goddamned doorframe.

Resisting the urge to stand at attention you cracked a sheepish smile. The 141 weren’t one for formalities.

‘Morning LT,” Gaz took the words out of your mouth from where he leaned against the sink, “got more pain in store for us today?”

“If you though yesterday was painful, sergeant, you’ve got a big storm coming.” Ghost turned go head out. “Gym in 10.”

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He wasn’t kidding. Today was worse. The lieutenant had designed a circuit so difficult even Gaz was complaining - something usually only Soap had the gall to do. God you were tired. You hadn’t struggled this hard to complete a drill since basic training as an unfit and unmotivated 18 year old. “Pick it up Sergeant!” Ghost barked from across the room as the battle ropes slipped form your sweaty hands. You grit your teeth and did as asked, only two minutes to go.

“Fuck!” You swore under your breath as the rope thunked against the floor, leaving your grasp again. You quickly squatted to pick it up, hoping the Lieutenant hadn’t noticed. You flinched as his stern voice echoed through the gym but it was Soap on the receiving end, the man smirking as Ghost yelled at him to keep form.

You turned your focus back to the ropes, planting your more firmly as you noticed your form starting to waver. God you felt like you were about the keel over.

“Pick up the pace Sergeant!” The voice came from your left, flinching to hear the Lieutenant so close. Feeling worse by the second you did as you were told, pushing every last inch of energy into the ropes in front of you.

He’ll be gone soon, you told yourself, He’ll move on to yell at Gaz and I can slow my pace.

But the hulking figure in your periphery remained and you found your resolve wavering. Without warning the world tilted dramatically and your cheek was bouncing off the sweat covered foam on the floor. The distant clanking of weights came to a stop and impeccably polished and shined boots filled your vision. Ghost.

“Rags!” Gaz thumped to his knees beside you, yanking you into a sitting position. His worried face swimming in your vision.

“Settle down, Gaz,” Soap spoke as he pulled him back and someone else came to kneel in front of you. A water bottle was pushed into your hands and a cool but rough hand landed gently on your forehead.

“Christ you’re burning up!” The lieutenant rarely swore outside of the field, you must be on fire.

“Yeah no shit,” Water dribbled down your chin as you took a swig of water, “that was a tough drill LT.”

Soap coughed out a laugh from where he stood behind Ghost, "Aye, I reckon he's sayin' ye've got a fever, lass.”

You scoffed, batting back the lieutenants hand, “I think I would know if I had a fever, I just need a rest.”

“Your dripping in sweat,” Ghost retorted cooly.

“We were just working out.“

“You fell over -“

-“It happens-“

‘Not to you.” The lieutenants voice was firm. “Not to us. We are special forces military - we don’t just ‘fall over’.”

There was no room for argument in his tone, you knew he was right. Leaning forward, Ghost looped his arms under yours and pulled you firmly to your feet. You wavered slightly, his grip on you the only thing keeping you standing.

“You need rest.”

Gaz popped into view, eager, “I can take her back too her room, LT!”

Ghost swung his gaze over the young sergeant who shrank back immediately, “if you thought this was the end of training for today, you’re wrong. You and Soap still have a minute left. I want you halfway through the next set once I’m back.”

Laughing Soap clapped Gaz on the back, “Come on lad. Let the LT look after Rags, we don’t give up so easily.”

You scoff, “Rude.”

“Get well soon, Lass,” Soap winked, pulling Gaz back to his station as Ghost led you out of the gym.

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“You really don’t need to lead me to back to my room, I know the way.”

“We aren’t going to your room,” Ghost grunted, his hand hovering behind your shoulder blades as you wavered.

You looked up, frowning as you locked eyes with him. “I don’t need to go to the infirmary, LT. I just need a nap.”

The man shrugged, gently pushing you forward. “We have free healthcare, may as well use it.”

“God you’re relentless,” you muttered, missing how his eyes crinkled through the mask.

“To a fault, sergeant.”

The nurse in the infirmary whistled as she read your temp.

“Good thing you brought her here, Lieutenant,” she turned to you with her hands on her hips, ‘you’re dehydrated, hun. I’m keeping you here overnight or until your fever breaks.”

“Really? I can never sleep in here, it’s too bright.” You felt like a child under the stern stares of the nurse and Ghost who stood beside her, arms crossed.

“We can dim the lights if you’d like, sergeant,” the nurse offered, bustling around while she prepped an IV, “but you’re staying here until I say.”

You sank lower in the bed, letting your chin fall against your chest.

“I usually sleep with an eye-mask.” You mumble, embarrassed.

“What was that, hun?”

Ghost steps closer with a single nod, “speak up sergeant.”

You cleared your throat, feeling silly. “I usually wear an eye-mask.”

“I’m sure we can figure something out,” the nurse smiled, pulling your arm to the side, “small pinch.”

You sucked in a breath as the needle slid home.

“Where is it?”

You looked up, surprised the lieutenant was still there. “Where’s what?”

“Your eye mask.” Ghost responded, arms still crossed.

“Oh,” you wince slightly as the nurse hooked up the fluids to the port on your arm, “uh don’t worry about it LT, one of the boys can grab it later I’m sure.”

“I’m here now. Where is it?”

You met his eyes, surprised. “My room, either on my bedside table or in the top drawer.”

Ghost leaves with a curt nod, the curtain swishing behind him. You sigh, leaning back into the pillow behind you, praying it’s lying on top and not in the drawer that holds a variety of items you definitely don’t want your Lieutenant seeing.

By the time he returns you’re half asleep in your fever-induced delirium. The lights are dimmed but your eyes still burn. He gently lays the mask on the bed next to your arm and makes to leave.

“Thanks LT.” You say with a rasp, cracking your eyes open further.

He looks up, blue eyes meeting yours. “Though you were asleep.”

You laugh softly, “Wasn’t kidding when I said I couldn’t sleep without it.”

“Mm.” He grunts in acknowledgement. “Lieutenant?”

“Yeah?” He stops, hand on the door handle.

“Thanks for today.”

He nods sharply, not sure how to respond. “Thank me when your back in fighting shape, sergeant."

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Masterlist

#simon ghost riley #call of duty #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #fluff #kyle gaz garrick #john soap mactavish #task force 141 #141 x reader #cod mw2 #ghost call of duty #ghost cod #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost riley x you

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rikustarlight · 1 month ago

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Riku’s driving thoughts;

Excuse my bilingual ass this is literally how I think sometimes

If I wrote a fanfic/drew a musical comic with Naruto:

It would be a Nejiten fic however with the sprinkle of other couples. They’d be about 21 (19-20 for the non-team Gai members since canonically, Team Gai is a year older than rookie 9 with Tenten being the oldest with her birthday being March 9th) so like a college AU type of deal.

The boys;

Neji (21)- the bass player. Classically trained in stand up bass and can also play a mean clarinet. When singing his voice is raspy, and has great breath control for hard rock/metal. His voice equivalents are; Arankai, Corey Taylor (slipknot), Brian Welch (korn), Davey Havok (AFI). Mid to deep tone and can def scream puede hacerlo si fuera deadass about it.

Sasuke (20)- Lead vocals, keys/synth and Guitar. Trained also in violin, however switched to guitar to spite his parents. Sasuke is more of an alt-emo-pop punk type of guy. It’s giving Patrick Stump (Fall out boy), Brendon Urie (Panic! At the disco), Brandon Flowers (the killers), Alec Gaskart (All time low), Ryan Key (Yellocard). His octave is higher than Neji’s but he has range. His voice is a bit smoother and he can hold long notes impressively.

Naruto (20)-is def on guitar or drums. He likes making noise. He’s giving Beastie Boyz, Limpbiskit vibed, Tom DeLonge (Blink-182) But he can carry a tune for sure if he actually tried.

Rock Lee (21) is def on drums (if in the band). I don’t see him grabbing the mic but he can be the Travis Barker of the group LOL

Shikamaru (20) is an ex-member of the band who quit to focus on his studies. From time to time he does play with them if they need him it just to jam. I haven’t thought of voice equivalents yet but he’s be more back up. He’s studying to be a music engineer at Tenten’s parent’s company as a favor to their daughter’s friend.

For the ladies:

Tenten (21-22)- Guitar and/or drums for sure. Also classically trained in piano... Tenten can play almost any percussion instrument. She doesn’t sing much however, she does take the mic sometimes. Her voice equivalents would be a combination of Lily (Lilyisthatyou), Hailey Williams (Paramore), a touch of Avril Lavigne, a touch of Pink. I’m also feeling the new lead singer for Linkin Park, Emily Armstrong which Tenten could develop her vocals when she starts hanging around Neji more often.

Sakura(20)- lead guitar, when singing could have a possible combo of Vanessa Carlton, Taylor Swift, and Michelle Branch.

Ino (20)- would most likely be lead vocals and keyboard. She gives Natasha Bedingfield, Jojo, Cascada, Ellie Goulding vibes.

Hinata (19-20) - would be on bass like her older cousin, in fact was trained with him first in cello. She doesn’t grab the mic but her voice would be giving Selena Gomez, Ariana Grande (minus the whistle tone), Danity Cane, a very high register for Hinata frfr. But great for harmonizing.

Side ideas:

-Neji, Tenten, and Lee consistently host jam sessions and anyone is able to join, which is how the bands were formed. It started in Tenten’s garage back in high school.

-Neji had picked up singing as a side skill, really to impress Tenten who would always comment on how rich his talking voice was and whenever he’d hum or vocalize a scale in order to write a song as she jammed out on the drums or he would him scales as she practiced piano.

-Tenten believes she’s a shit singer, however Neji convinced her she had been trying to hard to sing at a higher octave than she should be. She worked with Neji to develop her style of singing (which is similar to his however slightly more range edgy for sure). Her confidence increased and she can sing and play drums. She finds every excuse to have Neji sing to her because yes her man should always sing to her like why wouldn’t he?

-Naruto joined in when he made friends with Sakura, who was friends with Ino…who knew Tenten who had a reputation for drumming. Had a sibling dynamic with Neji Tenten and Lee.

-Hinata was trained with Neji at a private music program for strings. He used to play with her however switched to electric bass and hasn’t looked back. Hinata practices the cello occasionally still, and has also picked up an electric bass like her cousin. Hinata is last to join the group having seen her cousin have so much fun stepping out of the classical realm of music.

-Sasuke, being friends with Naruto and Shikamaru, was dragged to a jam sessions and Naruto begged him to sing knowing Sasuke could carry a tune. Sasuke finds Neji to be a rival in terms of vocals, it’s stupid because Sasuke’s style is different than Neji’s but ya know how these two are 😤 the girls find it hilarious.

-Ino and Sakura had trouble finding roles in the band; they both wanted to be lead singer. However, the group was able to come to a compromise that they would randomize the set list and that would determine who sang lead for the night.

Socially;

-Neji and Tenten are usually always together. Their parents know each other through the music industry. Neji’s parents being on the business side of it and Tenten’s parents being producers.

-Lee and Tenten are neighbors and share a sibling dynamic with Tenten being the voice of reason.

-Tenten’s piercings are very attractive to Neji. He especially finds her dimple piecing a to be adorable, especially when she smiles. He will buy her jewelry often.

-Ino and Tenten give Chaotic energy; Tenten being Chaotic Neutral, Ino being Chaotic good. In other words they out in the streets and down for whatever.

-Sakura and Ino constantly have sing offs to see who is better. Tenten and Hinata find it amusing.

-Naruto and Tenten are usually seen with drumsticks in their pockets. Naruto prefers guitar, however he would be jamming either Lee and Tenten constantly.

-Neji and Hinata have a pretty good relationship; in fact Hinata looks up to Neji and tried to seek approval from him constantly, especially since they were always compared as children in their music abilities.

-Shikamaru, Neji, and Tenten will smoke/Vape together and just vibe in the studio.

-Each group would attend each other’s performances

-they all attend university/college. Neji and Tenten go to private uni, Ino Sakura and Hinata attend public uni (Hinata, due to not getting into a prestigious arts program). Sasuke, and Naruto (being gifted in guitar) are not in music majors, however attend public uni. Shikamaru is in a trade school program.

-Yes you do see correctly; Ino has a face tattoo. It’s very girly pop of her.

I’ll drop some more sketches soon; I’m tired lol

#Naruto #Naruto wip #riku’s driving thoughts

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duckiemimi · 1 year ago

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everything that’s happened since gojo’s unsealing has been such a missed opportunity for his character.

now, don’t get me wrong—yuuji is the main protagonist of the story, despite being benched for the better half of the arc, but gojo is a protagonist, too. and though the development from gojo’s beginning (the hidden inventory arc) to his sealing (the shibuya arc) isn’t as consistent as some of the other characters, it’s still growth with room for resolution. resolution which we did not get in 236. (if he’s actually dead.)

i think one of the biggest setbacks to gojo’s potential character growth is the timeskip that happened right before his fight with sukuna. the story wouldn’t have slowed down if we were given time to reacquaint ourselves with gojo after hundreds of chapters of absence, and it would’ve been a great opportunity to re-establish the dynamic he had with his students and friends, as well as introduce him to new characters and the characters we haven’t seen him interact with.

besides exploring character relationships, unfolding that timeskip into actual training scenes would’ve given the reader a sense of time passing, which would’ve played into the anticipation of waiting for the promised date. because that’s what the characters were doing, too—waiting for the promised date. the scenes wouldn’t have to be long and dragged out, but regardless if they were, they could’ve served a purpose in the story. in reality, all we know is that the timeskip happened and now everyone’s patting his back. conveniently implied off-screen growth.

then we have our epic battle, spanning fifteen-chapters full of “is he dead or is he not?” cliffhangers. as highly anticipated as this fight was, it mostly consisted of play-by-play sequences with minimal scenes of characterization. (by characterization, i mean things like internal-monologues and interactions that are more than just fighting. “phew, that was close” thoughts don’t count.) if we were to use the canon fifteen chapters as a base, a skeleton we could build on, adding more characterization could’ve made the fight less repetitive and so much more engaging, so much more meat to the story. alas, all we have fighting.

and then we have chapter 236. in my personal opinion, gojo didn’t have to die for the story to still end up centering the new generation he fostered, but let’s say he really did die in 236. if he really did die, then this chapter completely reversed and regressed gojo’s character to the point where it wholly undermined the development we’ve seen throughout the story. i would call it a simple “out of character” moment, but if he’s dead, then we’re back at square one and now we’ll stay there, unmoving. because he’s dead.

on top of that, his change was done abruptly, too, with no indication or foreshadowing that we were heading in the direction where 236 ended. i wouldn’t say that gojo enjoying his fight with someone who actually gave him a challenge was an indication that he would end up the way he did. you have to believe your readers are smart, but you can’t leave things so vague for them to figure everything out by themselves. readability is great. this issue shouldn’t have to be an open-ended question.

and anyway, the sudden change had no purpose. what am i supposed to take away from him reverting back to his high school self? that despite all the work he put in, he’s still alone? even in death, he feels alone? next to all his dead friends, he laughs but still, he feels alone and misunderstood? how pessimistic. and even if that was what the narrative was going for, then those fifteen chapters were a missed opportunity for an effective transition from point “a” (gojo pre-battle) to point “b” (gojo post-battle/in the afterlife) characterization-wise. (and plot-wise. off-screen major events are lazy.) i’m not convinced and neither are many readers. this isn’t just because gojo’s a well-loved character.

i think most people knew one way or another that gojo would die, given the nature of the story. even if that fifteen chapter back-and-forth gave hope for survival, the end is the inevitable, and that’s understandable. but to end his character as someone unrecognizable from who we were first introduced to, and to have it done so drastically, too? it makes me :/ . sacrificing gojo for the sake of the plot, i could understand, but twisting him post-mortem was unnecessary.

taking away the care he had for the future generation, who are battlefield-bound right now, completely undermines the fact that the story is supposed to center around them. that was his motivation and what spurred him to give yuuta and yuuji second chances in life. his care, his motivation, was what started the story in the first place. if gojo’s character arc was intended to be flat and his actual character, static, then he wouldn’t have had ongoing motivations that lined up with the major plot.

bear in mind, i’m not making this as a call to action or anything (god, no). but these are just my thoughts as a long-time reader. the story is still gege’s and while i’m dissatisfied with how he killed off one of my favorite characters in the series, whatever happens next is in the control of the g-pen between his fingers.

#gojo #gojo satoru #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk 236 #do i tag this as meta?#jjk meta #and now we wait for tomorrow

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idontplaytrack · 9 months ago

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✧ Say You Won’t Let Go

AJ Campos x fem! reader (married)

Warnings: mentions of vomiting, blood & bodily fluids. Descriptions of labour & delivery.

“Hi, precious. Happy birthday.”

I haven’t written anything like this in a long time. So, I don’t really know. But I wanted to shake things up a little.

You watch the clock on the wall, terrified. You were alone, AJ was still at practice with her students. With each passing minute, you were regretting your decision of not informing AJ once these pains started. Foolish, really. Staring at your phone, you reached out to grab it hesitantly. Once it was in your hand, it buzzes. It was AJ- asking how you were doing. Well, you’ll be damned.

Ignoring her texts, you gave her a call. She thankfully answered pretty quickly. “Hi, baby.”

“AJ. You need to come home. Now.” You exhaled shakily.

“Okay, I’m on my way, honey. Phone the midwife now.”

She hung up, rushing back home to be with you. In the meantime, you dialled your midwife Aubrey’s number to let her know that you’ve been getting consistent pains for the last hour.

“Keep timing them, I’m on my way. You’ll be just fine, y/n. Deep breaths all the way, okay? I’ll see you in a bit.”

Next on your to-contact list was Stacey. She wanted to be here and you couldn’t see why not, since you and AJ have always been close with her and Dylan even after finishing high school. Usually, Stacey and Dylan were a unit. But you weren’t too comfortable with having Dylan around so he wasn’t going to be here. Since Stacey was the nearest to yours and AJ’s place, she arrives first.

“Hi, sweetie.” She rubs your arm soothingly, her eyes excited. “How are you feeling?”

“Very uncomfortable.” You chuckled dryly. Stacey led you back to the couch after swiftly shutting the door.

“AJ’s on her way, right?”

You nodded, “And Aubrey. I just- oh, my dear God. That hurt.” You grabbed your phone to note down the duration of the contraction and the time. “You want some water?” Stacey offered.

“I’m good. How’d you get here so fast, anyway?”

“Your timing was perfect- Dylan went out with his guys. And I was just about to come over here to disturb you guys.” Stacey chuckled.

Stacey kept you occupied for the next half hour or so before AJ barged into the apartment with Aubrey. “Hi, baby. Hi.” She rushed to your side, smooching you on the cheek, “I’m here, my love.” “Me and Piper will set up the pool in case you want to use it. I’ll be right back to check on your progress, alright, hun?”

“Okay.” You nodded, your eyes screwed shut as a contraction coursed through your body. AJ let you squeeze her hand till it was over. “I’ll go get changed real quick then I’ll be right back here with you, okay?” Pressing a kiss to the crown of your head, she scurries to your shared bedroom to change out of her sweaty outfit.

Currently 5:30pm, it's hour three of labour and you were beginning to feel a little tired. And hungry. "She can eat, right?" AJ asks for confirmation. "Yes, she sure can." Aubrey answers, "Just let me know what she eats in case she gets sick so we don't get alarmed by how it looks."

"What would you wanna have, baby?" AJ asks quietly.

"I dunno- some soup?"

"I'll go heat up some for her. You stay." Stacey offered, heading for the kitchen. "Thanks, Stacey." AJ smiled gratefully. You leaned onto AJ and shut your eyes, letting the sound of whatever was playing on TV and the comfort of AJ massaging your lower back to lull you to sleep. To be fair, you couldn't on account of how shitty you were feeling, so you kept drifting in and out until Stacey walked back to you with a bowl of chicken noodle soup. Well...she put it in a mug so either of you could handle it more easily. AJ didn't even say anything and just fed you the soup. You were too tense to say anything, honestly.

"I bought some takeout, so AJ, if you wanna eat anything. Let me know." Stacey informs her. "Oh. Okay, um- you can eat first if you're hungry. I'll wait till after she's finished eating."

————

You thought that was bad? You definitely weren't as prepared as you thought you were. A little past 8pm- hour six: your back started to bother you. Really started to bother you. You whimpered pitifully, leaning onto AJ for support as she stood before you with her arms on either side of you, her fingers interlaced resting on your lower back. "What's the matter, honey?" She asks you in a whisper. "My back feels like it's on fire." You sniffled, trying your best to keep it together. AJ glances at Aubrey for suggestions, but she asks if you wanted to try the shower anyway. Aubrey seconded the suggestion, saying that it could make things a bit more comfortable for you. You agreed without a word, and they helped you get to the bathroom.

Once the hot water hit your back, you began to feel the relief. But, you could hardly stay still anymore. AJ stood beside you, Stacey was close by in case either of you needed anything. Aubrey and Piper went to make sure the pool was filled up for your use seeing your current condition. However, an abrupt pained scream from you sent Aubrey rushing back into the bathroom to check your progress. "Halfway there, hun." She announces. Right as she said that, a sickening feeling overtook your body. Seeing how flustered you were, Stacey watched you closely. AJ shut the water off, asking you what you needed. "Bin." You swallowed thickly. Stacey brisk-walked over with and held it under your chin just in time. That officially had you in tears, wishing for it to be over. But it just wasn't time yet. "You're okay, lovey. You're doing so well, y/n. You're okay. I'm right here with you." AJ reached over to grab a couple sheets of tissue to wipe off your chin. Stacey lined the bin with a new bag as a precaution, getting rid of the old one. "Think you can manage some water, darling?" Aubrey asks.

"Mmm." You mumbled incoherently, head laying forward on AJ's chest now, "No. I-" You retched, nothing came out and AJ wasn't the least bit fazed, rubbing your back. "It's alright, baby. Shh, deep breaths, hm? Just like we learnt."

"Alright, take your time. Maybe we can try some ice chips later on." Aubrey agreed in understanding. Even with the water still off, AJ carries on putting pressure on your lower back to counter against the ache. Eventually, you dried off your feet and was walking around the apartment again while wrapped in a robe. "AJ, it's nearly 10. Go eat something." You urged, "Stacey's here, I'll be okay."

"Yeah, go eat. I heated up the food already."

"You already ate?" AJ asks, unwillingly letting go of you.

"Quickly ate some." Stacey shrugged, "Eat up, we'll just stay around here so you can see her." She helps you sit down on the couch, AJ walks to the kitchen to eat. Aubrey approached you to check your progress, expectedly. "You're progressing very well, hun. 7 centimetres."

You could no longer sit comfortably as you feel the baby's head lowering. So you stood up, alarming Stacey. "I'm just standing up. Sitting's getting really unc- shit." You gasped, clutching onto Stacey's arm for dear life for the 30 seconds.

AJ returns to your side after about fifteen minutes. You were exhausted- eight hours in and barely two hours of very broken up sleep. Every time the pain hits you, you were closer and closer to bursting into tears. And you weren't sure how, but you were then able to squeeze in about a half hour of sleep: laying on the couch with your head in AJ's lap as she massages your scalp. In the meantime, AJ times the contractions on your behalf to the best of her ability while you were asleep.

————

Your eyes shot open when you felt a new pressure growing between your legs. Feeling liquid leak and trickle down your thigh, you alerted Aubrey and AJ- Stacey was at the kitchen island scrolling through her phone. The pain steadily increases for the rest of the time- which was nearly another two hours before Aubrey checked you for the last time. You've been in the pool for the past hour and it has luckily helped alleviate the pain some. "It's go time, y/n. You ready to meet your baby girl?"

You and AJ shared a look of excitement but also insane nerves mixed in with some delirium - it was finally happening. Understandably, you didn't really know what to expect, but your instincts kicked in when needed. "Push whenever you get a contraction, hun. Breath through it, you've been doing wonderful." "Do you want me to sit in there with you, babe?" AJ asks, squeezing your hands and pressing a kiss on them. You let out a low groan, nodding your head while a contraction coursed through your body. You did as your body told you to, only letting go of AJ's hand when the pain subsided. She was already changed into swim shorts instead so she could sit with you. And you...you weren't wearing anything other than a bra because Aubrey had to keep an eye on your progress. AJ settled herself behind you, letting you lay your back against her, relieving you from the kneeling position you were in for a hot minute.

“Couple more pushes and she should be crowning, mama. Come on.” Aubrey encouraged.

Suddenly feeling the burn, you burst into tears. “I can’t do it.” You choked on a sob. That ring of fire finally broke you- in terms of emotions, you rarely after showed this side. You never showed pain, in the past 10 odd hours, it’s the most vulnerable you’ve ever been since the first trimester. AJ’s been your rock through it all, helping you in every way she could: holding your hair back when you got sick, satisfying your cravings, massaging your legs and feet. Worst of all, tolerating the crazy influx of hormones.

“Baby, listen to me.” AJ coaxed, “Deep breaths, you got this, baby. I know you can do it.” Aubrey was keeping a close eye on you since things were moving along rapidly.

Another wave of contractions hit and you could only cry, “I can’t, I’m sorry.”

“You’re doing so well, honey.” Stacey chimed in.

“This is so bad…” You moaned in pain. “It’s alright, y/n. You can take a minute to catch your breath.” Aubrey reminded, “Don’t rush it.”

Stacey stayed by the side, near your back not wanting to make you more uncomfortable by looking where you didn’t want her to. You leaned back against AJ again, she tilted your face to give you a kiss on the lips, “You can do it, baby. She’s almost here.” She cups your face, stroking your cheek. “Okay? Listen to your body and you’ll be just fine.”

You took a moment to breathe then nodded decisively, “Okay. Yeah, of course I-” A contraction interrupted you, forcing you to push but the pain got so intense that you got nauseous again. “Bin, bin.” You said hurriedly. Stacey again, held the trash can beneath your chin so you could spill into it in time. You barely had anything left in you, so eventually what came out was stomach acid- which severely hurt your throat.

“Big push on the next one, alright? Get past her head, and it’ll be easier.”

You practically screamed the house down at 1:30 in the morning, no other thoughts in your head as the ridiculous pain filled your tired body. You could feel it, her head was out and as strange as it felt to you, all that mattered to you right now was getting the rest of her out. With Aubrey aiding you, that happened within minimal, the rest of your baby slid out of you, providing with sudden much needed relief. You fell back against AJ, shamelessly sobbing when you heard the fierce cries of your newborn. “Oh, my God.” You kept repeating to yourself in disbelief. Aubrey swiftly dried her off and wrapped her in a blanket before handing her to you.

“I’m so proud of you, my love.” AJ sniffles, capturing your lips into her own, “Hi, baby.” You chuckled in sheer disbelief and shock, “Oh, hi baby. You’re so perfect.” The infant very quickly calmed down in your arms as you cradled her. AJ carefully stroked her cheeks with a single finger, admiring the tiny little girl. “She’s beautiful, baby.” AJ kisses you again, “Thank you.” You couldn’t control your emotions, literally bursting into tears as you savoured the moment. “I am so proud of you. You’re incredible.”

While you rested following the delivery of the afterbirth, Piper checked you out and gave you a clean bill of health. In the meantime, Aubrey checked your baby to make sure everything was fine. And she was, thank goodness. Just noisy because she wanted you. “We’ll start cleaning everything up and let you three have some time alone to bond.” Aubrey smiled, “Congratulations, you ladies have a beautiful, healthy baby girl.”

“Thank you, Aubrey. Piper.” You said, sniffling as Aubrey handed her back to you. The two of them smiled, proceeding to carry out their task as mentioned. “I will be back to help you wash up then show you how to nurse, alright?”

“Okay.” You acknowledged with a nod, handing the baby over to AJ who’s been eagerly and patiently waiting. “Hi, precious.” AJ cooed, the biggest smile was plastered on her face, “Happy birthday.”

“We don’t have a name yet, do we?” You chuckle, fighting back a yawn.

“We have some time.” She laughs lightly, eyes not leaving you.

“Do you want to start the A initial tradition?” You ask casually.

“That’s not important. Mine and Gabs’ initial’s don’t match and we’re twins. So.” AJ says. “So on our list we had Eva, Elena, Catalina, Valentina and Penelope.”

“C.C.- could be cute for a nickname.” You mentioned.

“Yeah.” AJ agrees.

“But I’m kinda leaning more towards Elena.” You told her, “The meaning. It stands out to me more…’shining light’.”

AJ put an arm around your shoulder, “Victoria seems like a nice fit.”

“Oh, that sounds perfect.” You gasped softly.

AJ giggles, “I can call her Evie for short. That’s so cute.”

“It is so cute.” You nearly cried again, “Oh, damn hormones.”

“That’s fine, cry all you need. You just pushed through what? 12 hours without any pain medication.” AJ remarked, “That’s unbelievable.”

“How did I get so lucky?” You sigh.

AJ presses a kiss to your cheek, “I love you both so, so much.”

#auli’i cravalho #aj campos #hulu crush #crush(2022)#wlw #wlw fluff #lgbtqia #queer #future #reader insert #x reader #female reader

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hearts4jean · 1 year ago

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𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡

- jean - confess - modern au -

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We all know this mf would be such a nervous wreck when it comes to anything to do with you (pre-dating and sometimes during-dating) regardless of what it is. Internally, he gets so giddy at any mention of you and attempts to play it off, cannot do the same for the life of him when you’re around. He is described to be well-spoken by others but that reputation goes down the drain when in your presence. Day-to-day interactions are one thing, but actually confessing feelings and pouring his heart out of how he really feels? Yeah, no. He’d be the type to have a crush and absolutely do nothing about it because he’s afraid to come off as weird and being thought of like: “Wow, I didn’t expect him to feel this way,” and has a huge fear of rejection. He just prefers to keep it to himself and remained unjudged by you and everyone else and continue what he has with you. He does this until he is no longer be able to keep up the act because quite frankly, everyone knows.

Everyone knows that he likes you. He’s too obvious and so easy to read, everyone would think. You would have your suspicions but choose to remain oblivious and you feel like it’s just your desires talking. What a dream it would be for THEE Jean Kirstein to fancy you. It gets so obvious that even he is self-aware about it and asks Marco and Connie of all people for advice. Neither would’ve ever been in any romantic predicament. Reiner would’ve but Jean would probably rather get love advice from a romance novel fanatic who romanticises toxic relationships over Reiner if you want to put it like that.

Connie would purposely give dumb suggestions but some ideas do spark other ideas in Jean’s mind which is the reason why Jean still hasn’t screamed at him to stop suggesting dumb romance tropes like serenading you with singing and playing a guitar. Marco as expected gives amazing advice. Alongside this, he assists Jean in gaining confidence to face you and tell you how he feels.

After that, he is able to build up the courage to ask if you’d like to spend the day with him, this would be on a weekend and you two haven’t really seen each other outside of school other than on the bus home and different occasions where you see each other at supermarkets with your parents (closest thing you have gotten to interacting are subtle waves and mouthing greetings as you didn’t want your parents suspecting you of anything. Jean’s mum would already know about you before meeting you, and thinks you seem lovely based off what Jean has said about you to her and how much he talks about you without trying to sound insane.)

The layout of the day was Marco’s suggestion. Jean takes you to various places that do not deem to be romantic, but allow him to have fun with you and eases his thoughts on the fact that he has decided to finally pour his heart out to you. The activities consist of going to an arcade and spending every cent to win at every claw machine, visit an art museum assuming you both have some sort of intriguement in art, and ending the day with a stroll at the park and small picnic, after that, he intends to confess his love then.

On the Saturday morning, you have been waiting for him to show up to pick you up to take you out on this day “filled with fun and surprises” as Connie described the day before, emphasising on ‘surprises’, you get ready for the day extremely early in fear of him finding you still in your bed-wear attire and waiting for you to get ready. Thankfully, he does eventually show up in somewhat formal attire? Not like a whole suit but like maybe a white button up paired with a long coat and scarf which he will probably eventually take off cuz yk how the weather is. Bouquet of your fave flowers in hand, which counts as the first flowers you would have received from him (first of many).

He also would’ve done his hair similar to how it is in high school caste since Connie talked him into it because he would look cool like those “fancy vogue models”. He doesn’t realise that it looks a little silly until he is facing you and attempts to fix it into his normal hairstyle, but you stop him from doing that by grabbing his wrist and insist he still looks great. He is still unsure about it and seems very fiddly with his appearance during the day as he wanted to look his best for you.

But yeah, you go to the arcade first where Jean just wins you a bunch of sanrio plushies from claw machines like he was not stopping until you had every character alongside some “accidental” duplicates. He would be sooo good at claw machines as he has dedicated his pocket mooney to them as a child like you know how ppl display trophies and medals in their rooms, he would do that but with plushies which explains why he doesn’t let anyone into his room other than Marco (and you eventually).

Next is the art museum. He is such an art nerd, he would’ve been to this gallery before so he’d know all about the pieces on display. Who needs a tour guide when you have a Jean? He’d just ramble on about them to you from how they were displayed, what techniques were used with the mediums and how they’re taken care of until he realises that he’s talking too much and constantly apologises. Of course you don’t mind hearing him ramble, you also find it cute when he tries apologising for something so simple. I feel that he would be too used to interacting with Connie and Sasha and he cant talk for too long as they both have short-attention spans. He also explains to you how he has longed for one of his pieces to be displayed in this very gallery or at least some part of an exhibition/collection.

Next is the stroll at the park. The two of you walk around the lake, talking about school, random goals, Connie and Sasha, just a whole bunch of things with no pauses. Both of you do eventually get tired and decide to set up the picnic under a tree (aot reference i just realised that after typing lolzies) where you guys end up making flower crowns out of the bouquet he has give you alongside some smaller ones surrounding the two of you. You tell him that this whole picnic setup reminds you of a children’s tea party in which you both laugh at and results in you both talking in posh accents for a little.

As the days climax edges closer, you two are now just silently sitting next to each other with you both trying to catch glimpses of each other really quickly. Jean knew it was time. But when he goes too peak, that pre-written love confession memorised in his mind all disappears and is just stammering all of a sudden. You kind of know what he wants to say and you suggest to him that he shouldn’t look directly at you as that would make him more nervous and just to pay his attention to the lake in front of you two as the gentle waters would calm him down; and you would try to not look at him and not make any expression. This helps him gets his words and obv you accept his feelings and uh yeah hoorah u and jean are together now

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#attack on titan #attackontitan #jeankirstein #jean #jean kirschstein #jean kirschtein x reader #jean kirstein #jeanaot #attack on titan season 4 #shingeki no kyoujin jean #jean aot #snk jean

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rhyselinn · 1 year ago

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In Defense of Toby Fox’s Halloween Hack

Twitter is all in a tizzy about the Halloween Hack as of late. The apparent reason for this is because the Halloween Hack uses a word commonly used as a homophobic slur, not taking into account that the hack was created in 2008 (when the internet was a different place) and that 2008 was 14+ years ago (and people are known to grow and change over this time). There appears to be some amount of discussion over whether Toby Fox should be “cancelled” for this.

I’ve seen a fair bit of banter from both sides on this, but what I haven’t seen people on the internet talk about is the CONTEXT of the game in which this word is used. And while I don’t spend a lot of time talking about HH due to Toby’s stated embarrassment when people draw attention to it, if the internet’s gonna go dig up old drama for some reason, then by golly, I’m going to go dig up my old love for this game.

So if you want to come take a wild ride through some internet history and literary analysis, then go buckle your seatbelt and click the Readmore.

(content warning: discussion of homophobic slurs)

A quick bit about me: I am an adult on the internet, and I fall into the original Halloween Hack (hereafter abbreviated as HH)’s target demographic: teenagers who existed on Starmen.net, an Earthbound fan website, in 2008. I am also a current admin for Starmen.net, which puts me in a good position to comment on the history and culture of the site as a whole, and how that ties into the reception of HH.

Starmen.net has a long and rich tradition of events called Funfests, in which the site staff run a combination art/writing/music/etc contest for the site members, usually coalescing around a theme such as “Earthbound”, or sometimes “Winter” or “Halloween”. These events offer prizes such as forum avatar/rank privileges, and historically they sometimes even offered physical prizes. The 2008 Halloween funfest had an entire website made for it, which you can view here. Toby Fox submitted HH to this 2008 Halloween Funfest under the internet handle Radiation.

This is the context of HH: a passion project made by a teenager for a fan website full of other teenagers/twenty-somethings. If you go to a high school science fair, you could rightfully lambast every project for being undeserving of a Nobel Prize, but that’s not why we host high school science fairs OR Starmen.net Funfests. These events are an opportunity for teens to show what they are capable of and receive commendation from both their peers and a panel of judges selected specifically for this age demographic and venue.

For perspective, here’s what one of the hosts of the 2008 Funfest had to say about HH:

“Radiation nearly outclassed himself with this effort of skill labour and love. What a lot of fun. Despite getting repeatedly killed in the sewers this was one thoroughly enjoyabe hack. I Think I’ll go and play it again!”

HH won an award in the 2008 funfest-- a #1 in the “Most Effort” category. For some perspective, few people on Starmen.net go to the lengths of creating an entire game for a Funfest (and HH has a playtime of roughly 5-6 hours!). Of those who do, most of the resulting games are consistent with the output you would expect from a teenage userbase, since it’s not fair to expect teenagers to produce professional-quality work. That said, I can say with confidence that HH is a standout in the areas of both effort and quality.

Another thing that needs to be said of HH is that it is not a standalone game made in today’s modern game engines-- it is a hack of a preexisting game. Earthbound's codebase is notoriously complicated, and a lot of the tools that modern Earthbound hackers use to make their jobs easier (eg Coilsnake, Ebmused) didn’t exist in 2008. Toby had to do a lot of manual coding grunt-work to make HH, up to and including manually typing hexadecimal values into his computer in order to compose Megalovania. (Source: Toby wrote a really in-depth post about the process he used to make HH way back when, which I’m referring to here, but it’s unfortunately been deleted since then.)

I can imagine a hypothetical objection at this point: “ok but high effort homophobia is still homophobia”. In this post, I am also going to argue that Toby’s usage of this word can be considered artistic merit when taken in context, but you’ll have to bear with me for a bit while I explain that context. I’ll also talk about some of the cool and neat things this game does along the way because I think they’re worth talking about.

HH is, at its core, a derivative fan work of the video game Earthbound. And while I love Earthbound deeply, I also recognize that it’s a cult classic that not everyone has played. So while I encourage people to play the game I love deeply, I’ll also sum up a few relevant plot beats here so folks can understand the source material HH draws from:

--Ness, a thirteen year-old boy, meets a creature named Buzz Buzz from ten years in the future who tells him that an alien named Giygas has destroyed the world (direct quote: “All is devastation”). As such, Ness and his friends must save the world.

--One of Ness’s friends is a shy boy named Jeff with a penchant for shooting bottle rockets at enemies

--Jeff’s dad is an odd character named Dr. Andonuts. Dr. Andonuts is a reclusive scientist who lives in a snowy region called Winters who sent his son off to boarding school at a very young age. Andonuts’s lab includes no other signs of life, certainly not any indications of a wife/Jeff’s mother. Andonuts ends his conversation with Jeff by saying “Let’s get together in another ten years or so.”

--Towards the end of the game, Dr. Andonuts uses a device he created called a Phase Distorter to send Ness and his friends to the venue for the final battle. This is very clearly telegraphed as a one-way trip, as the kids’ brains are described in text as needing to be transplanted into robots to get there, but the kids go along with it anyway because the world is at stake.

--The kids go on to fight the final boss in a spectacle that words can’t do justice to here. All I’ll say is that after a long-fought battle, in the grace of an unexplained Deus Ex Machina, the souls of the four kids are impossibly returned to their bodies so they can enjoy their happy ending.

These are all canonical events that happen in the base game of Earthbound. Earthbound’s sequel, Mother 3, was released in 2006, two years prior to HH, although the English fan translation wasn’t released until around the time of the 2008 funfest, interestingly enough. Mother 3 does develop Dr. Andonuts’s canonical character somewhat, but I won’t discuss it in further detail here other than to say it mostly re-emphasizes his odd, solitary nature and his overly cavalier attitude towards his science experiments.

It’s also worth noting that in an oddball game like Earthbound, there are a lot of weird and funny idiosyncrasies to theorize on. There are pencil-shaped statues that block your way, which need to be removed with a device called a “pencil eraser.” Ness and his friends fight robots, aliens, and Krakens, but they also fight handbag-wielding ladies and walking mushrooms. Dr. Andonuts’s character oddities, while strange, fit nicely into the evenly distributed mesh of oddities that comprise Earthbound’s world.

Derivative works, particularly fan works, exist in conversation with the source material. They answer questions posed by the source, interpolate details left out of the original, and otherwise build on the world of the original in a collaborative way. This conversation sometimes happens in a one-on-one manner, between fan and original creator, but it also happens in conjunction with the fan community as a whole. When a theory takes traction, it will begin to appear in more and more fan works, growing in popularity and notoriety until it is “accepted” as the most common interpretation of canon’s strange idiosyncrasies. Newer or more fringe theories are less likely to be taken as a “default” interpretation, but they are more likely to be taken as “fresh” or “interesting” until/unless they, too, begin to gain traction.

HH exists in a few conversations: one with the source material, one with the fan community of Starmen.net (and the broader Earthbound community as a whole, although there was much more overlap between the two back in 2008), and one with Starmen.net’s Funfest culture. In order for HH to be well received by the Funfest judges, it would need to be aware of the community sensibilities as well as push the boundaries of the fan conversation with Earthbound as a whole-- a careful balancing act of being both interesting but also recognizable.

So, the fundamental fan question that HH tries to answer is “why is Dr. Andonuts LIKE THAT?”

This is an absolutely fair question, and Toby was certainly not the first to ask it, although his answer in the form of HH is one of the most high profile now.

HH is set in the world of Earthbound a few months after the final boss fight in autumn, but one where Ness and his friends did not magically return after their one-way trip to the final boss. Word has it that Dr. Andonuts has turned evil and must be defeated. On its surface, this is standard fare for a throwaway plot for a Funfest submission, but the magic of HH is that it does not treat this premise as a throwaway plot. It sets out to earnestly discuss why this happened by delving into Andonuts’s psyche.

Coming back to the idea of derivative works existing in conversation with the source material and interpolating unexplained details: Earthbound does not explain why Dr. Andonuts lives in solitude, nor does it give any hint as to the identity of Jeff’s mother. It also gives no indication as to why Andonuts didn’t seem to have bonded well with his son other than the handwavey explanation that Andonuts is just “like that”. HH initially poses the question of “why did Andonuts turn evil”, but leaves the reader to puzzle that out while battling monsters in Earthbound’s RPG engine.

At first, Toby offers a partial explanation: in HH, Dr. Andonuts is portrayed as feeling immense guilt at having sent his son into what he perceived as a death trap. (quote from the game: “The world is dead, and I’ve become senile with guilt and rage.” He also says stuff like “what’s the point in living without them”.) As such, he turned evil and created zombies to storm the world of Winters, causing a surge in refugees and desperate survivors. This is why the main character was sent to kill him.

(image transcription: a picture of a menu with the text “What do you do!?” followed with a single option: “Kill him”)

But in order to see the depth of this explanation, the true answer to the question “why is Dr. Andonuts LIKE THIS”, the player must hit “B” to cancel out of a menu at the correct moment, something Earthbound players tend to learn by habit from closing the equipment menu so many times, but never used as a plot-relevant mechanic in the base game. HH takes this subconscious muscle memory and turns it into a mechanic gating off half the game if you don’t “spare” the enemy, a precursor to the “spare” mechanic that would debut seven years later in Undertale.

When the player does this, they enter Dr. Andonuts’s “Magicant,” a dream-construct representing his inner psyche, with his hopes and dreams and fears all laid bare. The main character is tasked with finding Dr. Andonuts’s lost Courage. In the base game, Ness enters his own Magicant, so this feels familiar to a veteran player, but it also gives Toby the chance to more closely examine Dr. Andonuts’s character than he otherwise might be able to do.

Over the course of the rest of the game in Dr. Andonuts’s Magicant, the player continues to control the main character, a bounty hunter named Varik, but the NPCs in the game often mistakenly treat Varik as Andonuts. The dialogue we see from these NPCs reflects memories from Andonuts’s own life. We see a lot more characters try to make connections with Dr. Andonuts (”hey don’t you want to play baseball instead of doing math?”), but these are apparently rebuffed througout Andonuts’s life. One NPC guarding the entrance to the path leading to this lost Courage advises “Be careful. Be yourself.” We see memories of Dr. Andonuts’s presumed wife/Jeff’s mom, who is an OC Toby created for this work to answer the questions posed by canon.

Varik is tasked with fighting three “demons” behind three doors, where each demon is said to be stronger than the next. Since this segment takes place inside Andonuts’s mind, these are unsubtly implied to be Andonuts’s inner demons. The second and third doors represent Andonuts’s relationship with his son and his guilt over getting people killed; the first door is relevant to this post, so I’ll talk about it in more detail.

Inside the first door, Varik sees Andonuts’s memories of something called “Remember Me,” who despite being faced in a battle, is friendly and affectionate and causes no damage apart from being “hard to think about.” This enemy has a stock overworld sprite of a male NPC from the base game.

(image transcript: a smiling purple sprite in an Earthbound-style battle. The text box says “The Remember Me? was a little hard to think about again”)

At the end of this map, we see a cutscene in which it’s implied that Dr. Andonuts felt disconnected from his wife, perceiving her as an incessant insect. She says things like “Lately, you’ve been acting kind of... disinterested in me. Is there something wrong with me?” She asks if Dr. Andonuts has been hiding something from her, which triggers the following battle:

(image description: an Earthbound-esque battle against three enemies, each a sprite depicting a closeup of a man’s muscular body: a bicep, a chest, and a swimsuit-clothed groin area)

All three of these enemies are named NO. The music that plays in the background is deliberately unsettling, and their battle moves consist mostly of “flexing in a masculine way”, “slapping their buddies in a masculine fashion”, and “being hard to think about again”. After three turns, these enemies deliver a series of un-dodgeable moves that kill the player before it’s possible to defeat them, ending the game. The only way to proceed in the game is to select the Flee option in the menu.

To summarize the themes being presented here, Dr. Andonuts is gay and repressed his homosexuality to try to preserve his relationship with his wife due to his lack of courage. From a game design and literary merit standpoint, this NO battle is actually a really poignant way of portraying Andonuts’s mindset and all of the fears that kept him in the closet, portraying men’s bodies as an enemy that he must fight, or in failing to do so, must run from. Remember that Earthbound takes place in 199X-- none of the 1990′s were known for being especially tolerant of gay men, nor was 2008 when Toby made this hack; 2008 was the same year that California passed a bill intended to ban gay marriage. In another since-deleted web page, Toby said that one of his motivations for creating HH was “the lack of non-stereotypical, major homosexual characters in media”. With that in mind, this is a surprisingly sensitive portrayal of the pains of repressing one’s sexuality, especially from a teenager.

Toby also portrays some complexity in Andonuts’s relationship with his son Jeff, making the case that Andonuts helped Jeff in his fight against Giygas as a way of living vicariously through him to feel like less of a monster. From this standpoint, it’s easy to see that Andonuts’s abrasive language might be a defense mechanism for his own self esteem issues, calling others monsters to deflect from the fact he sees HIMSELF as a monster.

(image transcription: a screenshot of the main character fighting Andonuts from the end of the game. The text in the textbox from Andonuts says “you idiots. look at your decaying, frostbitten bodies”)

(and just as a side note, I think the reminiscence of this dialogue to Flowey’s dialogue in Undertale is funny and interesting)

Dr. Andonuts says the following: "If I can't live with myself, why should anybody else? Ergo, nobody will live. Then, everybody will understand all the pain I went through. When everyone understands me... They'll cherish me so." This isn’t the expression of a healthy mind, but it is a portrayal of someone who’s experiencing some serious pain. I’d also argue that it’s a nuanced and sympathetic portrayal of a character who is clearly in a crisis.

Another Andonuts quote: “you’re going to kill me, because that’s what a hero does. he has to kill that monster, right? even in this form, i am shaking with fear. i don’t want to die. leave me alone”

The second-to-last fight in the game is against an enemy called Id. In Freudian psychology, the Id is the representation of one’s most base desires, in contrast to the Superego who restrains a person from operating on these desires. The game up until this point does a good job at portraying Dr. Andonuts’s Superego-centric repression strategies, so getting to see his underlying base desires directly is a novel development. The enemy Id consistently reiterates a desire to be left alone and for the main character to not kill it. At the end, it apologizes for not being much of a fight. Only then does Varik fight Dr. Andonuts proper, and without the Id, all that’s left is the Superego-fueled repression, labeled in-game as “hatred”.

Andonuts’s villain monologue starts as such: “I know what this feeling is. It’s hatred for the person who came so far just to destroy an old man. My mind is gone. All that is left is pure hatred.

YOU SEE THIS BURNING, BLOODY UNIVERSE. YOU SEE THIS ULTIMATE, UNLIMITED POWER? Varik. I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT WITH YOUR SHIT. you little fuckers are going to have your bodies ripped in half. i’ll shove your asses so far down your throats that when you crap, you’ll sing fucking beethoven.”

This monologue is the precursor to the infamous line:

(image transcript: a screenshot from the final battle, in which Andonuts says the words “tl;dr: eat shit, faggots”)

As established earlier, this is a line uttered by a gay character who is in a tremendous amount of pain, which would make it an act of slur reclamation. We could argue about whether Toby Fox is in a position to justify this usage, but I refuse to have that conversation because I don’t think real life queer people should have to out themselves in order to justify the art they make. Whether Toby Fox is actually queer or not is, I would argue, immaterial to the story he’s trying to tell here, which is nuanced in a way that a homophobe would be unlikely to write.

We can also have the conversation of whether this word choice is a good decision or not-- and there are, I would argue, a lot of parts of this game that a storyteller with more experience and maturity would have handled better. There are some parts that come across heavy-handed and needlessly edgy, and there are parts that could have been handled with more grace. We can discuss whether “bury our gays” stories were stale by 2008, or whether stories of queer pain had fallen out of vogue for stories of queer joy. But again, this is a work made by a 16-year old, and being needlessly critical of a fangame made by a teenager for a community of predominantly teenagers feels needlessly meanspirited. Just because the game has been unforeseeably thrust into the public light like this doesn’t mean we need to eviscerate it from a 2023 lens. It’s not fair to Toby Fox, neither the original 16-year old creator nor the adult celebrity today.

So I’m not going to do that. What I am going to say is that a queer reading of this work would indicate that this word usage may very well have been a decision made with artistic intent, and a death-of-the-author reading of this work might indicate that this word has artistic merit anyways. If a gay character sees gayness as bad and uses a slur associated with gayness to demean his opponent, that does fundamentally say something about this character, and in this case it reinforces the existing themes that Toby had put in place. I wouldn’t recommend people in 2023 take this approach in storytelling lightly, but I can see and appreciate the spirit in which the game and this word choice appear to have been made.

In the end, Varik does defeat Dr. Andonuts and kill him.

(image transcript: Varik standing above the machine containing Dr. Andonuts’s dead body, not depicted onscreen. The text box reads “You feel a little like this situation could have been avoided.”)

This is one of the last text boxes of the game, and I think it’s a good ending note for this work-- saying that queer lives do NOT need to go this way, that we do not need to bury our gays, that this genuine pain that Dr. Andonuts experienced is not an inevitability.

In conclusion, I do love Halloween Hack for what it is, imperfections and all. It was very clearly a labor of love made by a very earnest and well-meaning teen, and a lot of the things that would later go on to make Undertale so popular are present in their nascent forms here. HH has some genuinely interesting things to say about Earthbound, from both a plot and a character standpoint, and it’s clearly a good-faith attempt at grappling with queer and psychological subject matter. If people on the internet were to engage sincerely with it rather than judging it (and its creator) based on one out-of-context screenshot, I think they might find a diamond-in-the-rough that still manages to be an absolute gem of a fangame.

#earthbound #halloween hack #undertale #toby fox #tw slurs

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wrenreid · 2 years ago

Text

Off Limits

contents: angst, grieving, alcohol consumption

Part Twenty

I finally feel a little more normal after the night of wallowing in my sorrows. My emotions are still wonky and yesterday is still on my mind, but at least I feel better.

Spencer texted me when he got up this morning, but I haven’t responded. I’m not entirely in the mood to talk to anyone yet.

Even after (mostly) sleeping through the night, I can’t shake the feeling that he’s holding back because of me. That I’m the problem. That’s how it’s always been, hasn’t it? Guys didn’t want to date me because I’m a virgin. Or if they did it wasn’t because of my personality or who I am; it was because I’m a task, something to do then check off a list. Maybe Spencer thinks I’m not even good enough for the list.

I run a hand through my dark hair, sighing softly. I’m overthinking. I’m always overthinking. I can’t just assume something based off of one or two incidents. Maybe he just truly wants to take things slow because he’s not like the guys I’ve known before. I can’t let my own insecurities and self deprecating mind get in the way of something that could actually be good. I need the optimism I had right as we decided to do whatever this relationship is back.

On my way downstairs, I shoot Spencer a good morning response. Dad is currently tightening his tie and grabbing his brief case, which means he has to go into work. They both do.

There shouldn’t be a case today, but they’ll both be busy for the majority of the day, and Jack is currently having a play date with one of his friends until after noon. Time alone.

I decide to spend my time alone binge watching an old favorite tv show from my high school years and finishing up this week’s assignments. It’s Friday, and I only have two classes today. I get my work done pretty fast then start actually paying attention to the tv screen.

CeCe calls me when I’m a solid six episodes into the show. I press pause and pick up the phone, putting her on speaker. We talk for a bit, but I decide against telling her about what happened with me and Spencer.

It’s not that I don’t want to tell her, but I don’t think this is something she needs to know. Or maybe it’s something I don’t want anyone to know. How to I put into words that my whatever he is doesn’t want to sleep with me?

A very tired Jack is dropped off around 1pm. He looks exhausted. The kid really knows how to play until he drops.

I tuck him in for a nap then head back downstairs to grab a snack and continue binge watching. The rest of the weekend consists of family time, binge watching tv, and lazily laying around the apartment.

I miss college life. I miss parties and friends. I’m glad to be home with my family, but I miss the freedom. The life I had when I was in New York. When my mom was still alive.

“How’s your weekend been?” Spencer asks when I go over to his house Sunday evening. He’s probably leaving for a case tomorrow morning, so he wanted to see me before he left.

We haven’t texted much since Thursday night when he rejected me. God, I sound pathetic, but it’s still on my mind.

“It’s been alright. Very lazy,” I answer, only half mentally here. My mind isn’t quite in his apartment. It’s not quite anywhere.

“Are you okay?” His hand touches my knee gently as his soft words reach my ears. I almost flinch, just thinking about how it’s weird to be touched by him when he quite clearly isn’t interested in that.

I nod, half assed. “Yeah.”

“Jade.”

I’m finally snapped out of my distant, mopey daze when his hand reaches under my chin and forces me to look at him. My brown eyes meet his.

“I’m sorry,” I say with a soft sigh. “Things have just been weird.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Spencer asks, his eyes softening and his hand releasing my face.

I shake my head. Then nod. Then shrug. “It’s just… it’s been weird at home. And being at home. I’m craving for things to be the same, but they never will be again. A part of me still thinks that my mom’s death was just some fucked up dream. That I’ll see her again and she’ll tell me none of it was real. That it was just a nightmare.”

Spencer’s eyes flick down to the floor. I know he hates situations like this. Sad. Awkward. He doesn’t know what to say. I hate putting people in this situation. There isn’t a right thing to say. Nothing is going to repair the hole in my chest. Nothing is going to bring my mom back.

“I’m so sorry, Jade,” he says, his words soft and breathy.

I hate apologies. They just make me feel pitied.

“Don’t be,” I say, attempting to swallow down the lump in my throat.

He nods in understanding. “What can I do to make you feel better in this moment?”

“Be normal,” I say then laugh softly, realizing how it sounded. “I mean, just give me a normal night.”

“So no sacrificial rituals? Well, that defeats my plans,” Spencer jokes.

I shake my head but let out another soft laugh. He may be a dork, but I like it.

Spencer pulls me into him for a quick kiss. I smile up at him faintly.

What I really need right now is a distraction. A distraction from all of the shit weighing me down right now. I need him. Him to touch me. To tell me I’m pretty and make me feel good.

But I can’t ask. Not when he said what he said. He doesn’t want to have sex with me. For whatever reasons he’s holding back, I have to respect his wishes. I owe him that. And perhaps using him as a distraction isn’t a good idea anyway. I’m not sure how good it would make me feel after the matter.

My head finds its place on his shoulder as he turns on the tv. We watch whatever comes on, neither of us wanting to give our attention to a movie that we’d actually have to follow along with.

Spencer orders takeout, and we eat on his couch, talking about whatever in between bites. We don’t touch. Not in the way we have been. It’s not a bad thing really, but it just feels weird.

The next couple weeks go on per-usual. I do school work, miss my best friend, distract myself with any form of media that will clog my brain, and wait for Spencer to get home from cases or work so I can see him.

“I’m beginning to think you’re hiding something from me,” my dad says from his place on the couch. He’s reading. Something he hasn’t done too often in a long time.

I turn around to face him with a laugh. “Why?”

He shrugs, playfully, but not quite joking. “You’ve been leaving a lot. Do you have a secret family I don’t know about?”

“Ha. Ha,” I roll my eyes at his lazy attempt at a joke. “I’m just meeting up with some friends. Since CeCe’s in New York, and I’m not anymore, I’ve had to reconnect with old friends. You should be glad I’m not wallowing around the house.”

I didn’t mean it as a jab at him, but he takes it as one. He has every reason to wallow, even if he tries his best to hide it.

My dad nods, shooting me a faint smile. “Have fun. Be safe.”

I grab my bag and give him a thumbs up. “Will do.”

I hate lying to him. Especially since everything that’s happened. I was never a sneaky kid. I hardly ever disobeyed my parents.

But being honest with my father would cause a lot of drama none of us can handle right now. So he’s not in the know. And I’ll just have to get used to the knots in my stomach that form with every lie.

After walking into Spencer’s apartment, I plop down on his couch, laying my head in his lap.

“Hello to you too,” he laughs softly, looking down at me.

Things have finally gone back to normal between us. Or at least I think they have. We haven’t talked about what happened two weeks ago, and I’m very glad about that. I don’t want the awkwardness again. I like what we have right now.

We don’t take things too far. When we kiss or touch, we stay at a comfortable region for us both. We don’t try to venture out into the grey area.

“Hi,” I grin up at him.

His hands play with my hair absentmindedly, twirling some strands around his fingers. “How was your week?”

“Not too bad. It’s getting closer and closer to graduation. I’m almost officially not an undergrad student anymore.”

“They grow up so fast,” Spencer says playfully.

“Spencer?”

“Yeah?” He asks, looking down into my eyes.

“Do you feel weird lying about this? About us?”

Spencer’s lips press together for a brief moment. “I haven’t really had to lie.”

“Right,” I nod, sitting up. I situate myself to where I’m facing him, my legs crossed in a pretzel.

“Do you?”

“Kind of,” I admit. “I mean, I know I’m an adult and I don’t owe my dad any explanations, but he’s still my dad. He worries, and I think he’s catching on that I’m doing something.”

Even though technically we aren’t doing anything. Not that at least.

Spencer nods, his eyebrows pinching together. “Do you think he knows about us?”

I shake my head. “No. I don’t even think that would cross his mind. I just… I don’t know. I want things to be normal. My life has been too unnormal.”

“That’s not a word,” he says with a slight smile.

“Not the point,” I glare.

“Sorry. What would be normal for us to do?” Spencer asks, his head tilting as he looks at me.

I run a hand though my hair with a sigh. I think for a moment. I know what I need right now. “We could go to a totally normal college party?”

I look at him hopefully, but he’s already scowling. “I don’t know about that one, J.”

“C’mon, Spence. I’m 21. A party is the most normal thing I could do right now,” I tell him.

He sighs. He’s been defeated, and he knows it. “Fine. We can go to a party. And we can drink and dance, and whatever else you want to do.”

“Really?” My eyes light up.

“Mhm,” Spencer nods. “Under one condition.”

“Anything.”

“We’re not playing darts.”

A laugh takes ahold of me for a second. “Awh did I bruise your ego last time?”

“Lil bit,” he says with a grin, pinching his pointer finger and thumb together.

I roll my eyes and lean into him for a quick kiss. When I pull away, he’s still smiling. It makes me weak in a way I can’t explain.

“I’m sure you already know someone who’s throwing a party,” he says.

“It’s Saturday night. Of course I do.”

I hop up to my feet and slip my high tops back on. My outfit is already party acceptable: ripped baggy jeans, a cute top, and converse.

Spencer’s wearing too casual clothes (which I never expected to see him in in a million years), so I drag him into his room by his wrist.

I have him sit at the edge of the bed while I find clothes for him to wear.

“I’m not a Ken doll, Jade,” he says but I turn around and press my finger to his lips.

“Shh. You are one tonight.”

“That’s such a weird thing to say,” Spencer laughs softly.

I flash him a grin before finding a cream-colored sweater and dark jeans for him to wear. Usually, he’s in dress pants, but these jeans are almost black, so they’re still nice. Not too out of his comfort zone.

I turn around so he can change, not wanting to invade his privacy since we haven’t gotten to that part of our relationship yet.

When I turn to face him again, he’s pulling down the sweater. “Not too shabby, Dr. Reid. You look hot.”

A blush creeps up onto his cheeks. “Thank you. Can we go before I change my mind and beg you to let us stay?”

We head down to the parking lot, and I find the address for one of my friend’s friend’s parties. Instead of taking his car, we get an uber. I know he doesn’t plan to get wasted or anything, but he doesn’t want to drive even after just one or two drinks.

Spencer grabs my hand as we walk up to the front door. The host greets us and asks who I am. I tell him I’m friend with Preston, and that triggers his memory of me. It comes in handy knowing people.

Jade leads me into the house, and we immediately head for the kitchen to grab a drink. I need it if I’m going to be out with all of these strangers for most of the night.

“Try to have fun, okay?” She asks, shooting me a look.

I must’ve had the words “I already want to leave” written across my forehead. I hold up my hands in defense. “Yes ma’am.”

For the duration of the night, I feel like I’m her lap dog that’s following her around everywhere she goes. My entire college years, I didn’t go to parties, but now I’ve gone to two with Jade. I’m not good at them. I’m way too aware of my surroundings and how many people are sharing cups of beer, and with them so many germs.

She seems like she’s having fun, though, and I owe her that. I can’t even begin to imagine how things have been for her these past few months. Jade deserves something normal, and if this is her definition of normal, I’m glad to tag along.

Eventually, I find myself feeling slightly less awkward and out of place. The few drinks I’ve had are fueling me, and Jade notices me lighten up. She seems pleased.

“Having fun?” She asks, pulling me closer so we can hear each other better.

“I’m trying,” I say honestly, holding her hips.

Jade nods, laughing softly. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” I smile faintly, leaning my forehead onto hers.

We’re dancing right now, and I’m doing my best to ignore all the sounds and chaos around us. It’s just the two of us in my head.

I let her guide our movements in whatever way she wants. My heart is pounding from the dancing, alcohol, and loud music. I’m a little dizzy, but I don’t want to stop holding her. Being this close is the part I actually enjoy about these parties.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” She laughs, practically yelling at me involuntarily.

“Because you’re beautiful,” I say honestly.

Jade blushes, her lips forming into a soft smile. “Shut up.”

Instead of arguing with her, I kiss her. She tastes like fruity alcohol and vodka shots. She’s had a lot more to drink than I have, but she’s not throwing up drunk, so that’s good. My hands hold her hips protectively, keeping her against me.

Her fingers play with the hair on the nape of my neck, causing a soft sound of delight to release from my mouth and into hers. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol or her irresistibility, but I’m craving her right now. I want to touch her in ways I haven’t yet. In ways I’ve been refraining from doing for what feels like ages.

We kiss for a while, it’s sloppy and heated, but I don’t mind one bit. I love it.

Her lips draw away from mine, and a wine releases from my mouth. I look down at her. She looks just as hungry for me as I am for her. If that’s even possible.

Jade takes my hand. She’s headed for the stairs, pushing past the crowd of people. It takes my brain a moment to register what’s happening.

I stop in my tracks, shaking my head.

“Come on, Spence. Let’s go upstairs,” I whisper-yell, taking his hand and stumbling while I try to pull him up with me.

His entire demeanor has changed.

“Jade, you’re drunk,” he says, tugging on my arm, causing me to face him. I almost fall, so I steady myself with my hands on his shoulders.

“So are you.”

“One of us is clearly more sober. Let’s get you home,” Spencer suggests.

“No, my dad’s home. We should do it here.”

“We’re not…” His frustrated voice trails off.

I can feel the tears swelling in my eyes, and it burns. “Why won’t you fuck me?” The words spill out of me before I have time to think.

“Jade.”

The way he’s says my name… god, I need him to stop. He sounds sympathetic. Like I’m some charity case for him.

“I don’t understand what I’ve done, Spencer,” I tell him, my heart slamming against my chest.

“You haven’t done anything,” he says gently.

“Then what is it? What’s wrong with me?”

“Jade,” Spencer sighs. “Let’s just leave.”

“You leave,” I demand.

“What?” He blinks, looking down at me worriedly.

“I’m staying. If you want to leave, then go.”

His hand meets my elbow, gently trying to get me to leave with him. But I’m not so easily convinced.

“Just get away from me,” I yell, not meaning to be so harsh. I let out a breath. “Just go.”

The pained look on Spencer’s face makes it easier for the tears to spill from my eyes. He nods, then turns around and starts walking away from me.

I wipe my cheek free of tears and occupy myself with something other than watching him leave.

tags: @pauline5525mgg @theintimatewriter @lilibet261 @greysviolets @jazzymariexoxoc @one-sweet-gubler @thatsonezesty13 @necromaniackat @awhoreforspencerreid @sebs-oxygen @scarredelirium @bts-sugaplum @awesomeness1679 @preciousbabypeter @yazzyu @cynbx @r3idsp3ncer @1010lizz @tiredbut-here @skulzombiw @lena-1895 @eevee0722 @shakespear-picaso-lovechild @daydreamingqueen1 @regulus-black-223048 @virginmusicloverr36 @jazzerbelle14 @kylakins88 @f-me-reid <3

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euphoricimagination · 2 years ago

Text

Summary: A few weeks have passed since you arrived, feeling much closer than before. Soon enough the Golden Week arrives, going to Miyagi to play against a school called Karasuno by the end of it. Throughout the week, however, you met various schools of the area, including Shiratorizawa and Aoba Johsai.

Kenma x reader; Haikyuu x reader [platonic!]

First Year: Inarizaki

Second Year: Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 ...

Kenma feels much more comfortable with you ever since, putting his head on your shoulder whenever he’s tired or laying his head on your lap whenever he wanted to get away of practice while playing games; he doesn’t blush as much as before whenever he initiates it, but the moment you do something his face goes all shades of red. It also became a routine for you to go to his house after practice and either play together, you watching him play, or each one doing their own thing.

Now you are two days away from the Golden Week, the guys are practicing hard while still trying to teach Lev how to properly receive a ball. The coach comes by a few minutes later, calling them to the bench.

“Finally, a break from Lev” Kenma sighs while putting his head on your lap

“You’re too mean to him, he isn’t that bad”

“But he doesn’t think, and it’s not consistent, that’s a problem” he takes your hand, putting it in his head so you play with his hair. Kenma doesn’t remember when he grew so comfortable with your touch, but he doesn't really mind that much

“I don’t know if I should be happy that Kenma is not a complete loner anymore or if I want to vomit because of how cute they are with each other” Kuroo tells Yaku, earning an annoyed look from the blonde

“Guys, I have some news for you. As you know, the Golden Week is about to start; I know this is sudden news, but this time we’re spending that week in Miyagi, we’re doing all the adjustments for it so make sure to tell your parents”

“Why are we going there coach?” asks Kuroo

“There’s a school there, Karasuno High, that I used to have an old rivalry with, but the coach there retired so we haven’t had a match in a long time. The new coach tried so hard to have a match, so I thought why not. The match is arrange for the last day of the Golden week, but we’re going there early so we can have some matches with other schools of the area”

“Miyagi, right?” you ask

“Yeah, it’s a few hours away, don’t worry”

“No, no, that’s not it. If I remember correctly Shiratorizawa is in there”

“Shiratorizawa? Are they good?” asks Lev

“Yes, they have a top 3 ace. Inarizaki played against them in the nationals”

“Ahh yeah, I remember, Ushijima was strong” adds Yaku

“It would be good to have a match against them, to see if our defense is strong enough, but I don’t know if they will be open to a practice match all of the sudden” says the coach

“I kinda know someone from there” you whisper remembering Tendou

“Kinda?” Kuroo asks confused

“I talked to him a little and know his name”

“But that can help us, we can go and you can try to convince him when we go to Miyagi”

“I don’t even know if he remembers the conversation, it was right after his match” you say panicking a bit, trying to find an excuse to not having to do it

“It’s worth to try”

“C’mon chibi-chan, it would help us practice, don’t you want us to get better?”

“Now you’re just emotionally manipulating her, Kuroo. You know that she cares about us AND that she doesn’t like talking that much” adds Kai

“That’s low, Kuro, that’s low” says Kenma

“…Fine, I’ll do it”

“Thank you Yn-chan, when we get to Miyagi it will be our first stop”

The last few days of the semester pass quickly, ending up with you awake at 6:15 am on a Saturday to finally go to Miyagi, just waiting for the guys so you can go to the school. The first one to appear is Kenma, who first reaction is to lay his head on your shoulder

“‘m tired, too early”

“Did you even sleep Ken?”

“2 hours”

“You’re sleeping on the bus then, no games”

“But I wanted to play with you” he whines

“I’m going to steal your PSP, you need to sleep more if you want to play, I want to win against you when you’re properly awake”

“You will still lose if we play now” Kenma says lifting his head up with a tired smile

“Who would’ve thought that Kenma is clingy and whiny when tired? Ever since chibi-chan arrived I have seen so many new sides of you, Kenma” Kuroo smirks at his friend

“Shut up Kuro”

“Let’s go, we’re going to be late” you say to the both of them

“Don’t act like you didn’t hear me chibi-chan, you’re also blushing”

“Shut up Kuroo” you say, making the tall boy laugh

You arrive at the school when you see the rest of the team; this time only the official players will go, while the rest will stay here practicing. As soon as the bus arrives Kenma takes your wrist and walks with you to the last seats, moving next to the window with him sitting beside you while taking his console out.

“Didn’t I say that you should sleep?”

“But I’m fine”

“Are you really? Give me that and sleep a few more hours, we’ll play later”

“…Fine” he sighs while handing you his console and putting his head on your shoulder. Through the corner of your eye you can see Yamamoto shocked face, but he doesn’t say anything “You can play any of my games if you want to”

“Thanks Ken”

Since you couldn’t fall asleep again, you waited until Kenma fell asleep, which was quite quickly for someone who said he was fine, and turn on your console to play Animal Crossing in the meantime. A few hours later Kenma wakes up, straighten himself up.

“Better now?” You whisper since everyone else fell asleep

“Yes, I’m not that tired anymore”

“Good, want your PSP?”

“Sure, let me visit your island”

You spend the rest of the trip playing together or you watching him play. After a while you open the curtain to see the place, hearing a little whine from Kenma at the sudden light, when looking outside you notice a school with a sign outside that says Aoba Johsai.

“Was that Aoba Johsai, right? Are we staying near them?”

“I think so, according to maps, we are around 10 minutes away by car. Why?” Yaku answers

“They played against Shiratorizawa before the nationals, they were good”

“I’m looking them up. Apparently, they are in the top schools for volleyball, but Ushijima broke all their formations”

“Chibi-chan you don’t happen to know someone in there? It would be good to practice against them” asks Kuroo

“Nope”

“Can you stop here please?” the coach says to the assistant “Since we are already here, let’s try. Yn-chan why don’t you go first and call anyone if you need me?”

“Me? Why?”

“I have a feeling that you have the more chances of getting it”

“The captain sounds like a playboy, he has fans and all. You can use your charms and convince him” says Kuroo

“Charms?”

“You know, you have a good first impression and it’s easy to talk with you. Like, you made Kenma comfortable with you. Ken.ma” Kuroo explains, making the blonde roll his eyes annoyed

“…Fine, I’ll go”

“That’s our chibi-chan!”

“Thank you Yn-chan” says the coach

You went out of the bus and walk towards Aoba Johsai feeling nervous. Before finding the gym you see a tall dude with a jacket that says ‘Aoba Johsai Volleyball Club’ refilling water bottles outside, so fighting against your shyness, you decided to approach him

“Ehh…hi?”

He turns around before answering, making you noticed his whole self, a spikey dark hair boy with a number 4 in his t-shirt looking at you with a frown in his face, confused by the sudden interruption “Hello”

“Uhm… do you know where is the gym where the volleyball club practice?”

“Ah, sorry, it’s a close practice, we can’t let any Oikawa fan enter the gym” he says while confusion leaves his eyes, a clear annoyance appearing as he mutters something

“Oikawa…fans? Who’s that?” you ask, even though you were sure that he’s the setter and captain of the team, you knew that if he had fangirls the easiest way for them to trust you was to pretend that you didn’t know who he was. You had experience with that after all

“You’re not…a fan?”

“Mmm nope…sorry?”

“Oh, don’t be sorry, it’s amazing actually. What do you need then?”

“Ah yes, I’m Yl Yn, currently the manager of the Nekoma High volleyball team, in Tokyo. Last year my previous school, Inarizaki High, played against Shiratorizawa and I ended up watching your match with them. I wanted to see if you guys will be okay with having a practice match with my team since, in my opinion, you were amazing”

“Oh wow…thanks” he says shyly, with one arm behind his head, rubbing it flustered. You can’t help but look at his toned arms. “I guess you can come to talk to the coach. Let me finish filling the bottle and you can follow me”

“Thank you” you smile at him, making him smile back awkwardly. Before he continues an idea pops up, maybe if you help him he will help you back later “let me fill them up”

“No, no, you don’t have to”

“It’s fine, I’m used to do these things, besides you probably have a lot with practice” you take the empty bottle out of his hand and going to fill it

“Thanks…Yl, right?”

“Yes, but Yn it’s fine too” you say filling the other bottles

“Thanks, Yn, I’m Iwaizumi Hajime”

“Nice to meet you, everything is done”

“Let me take it, you already did a lot for me. Follow me” says taking the bag; even with the jacket on you were able to see the muscles of his arms. You go to the gym, which was closer than expected, but since it was indoors it would have been harder to spot. When you enter the gym you see a bunch of tall boys with light blue uniforms warming up.

“Iwa-chan you took a lot of time, what were you…well hello there, who are you pretty girl?” says a tall boy with dark brown hair, which you assume was Oikawa.

“Shut up trashy-kawa, stop flirting with everything that breaths”

“Iwa-chan so rude! Don’t listen to him pretty girl. Sorry to disappoint, but you can’t see me play today”

“I didn’t come to see you play, sorry” you smile at him

“You didn’t?”

“Nope” his expression changed from shock to disappointment, making Iwaizumi laugh at him

“Trashy-kawa here thinks that everyone knows him, sorry for that. Let’s go, the coach is over there” you bow to Oikawa before continue walking

“Iwaizumi, out of everyone here I thought that you will follow the rule of no people allow”

“Sorry coach, she came here to talk to you. Go ahead” You explain the same thing to the coach, explaining to him all the details. While you were talking, the rest of the team came closer to you after hearing Oikawa talk about it.

“I see, I see. I have heard of Nekoma, they’re specialists of defense, right?”

“Yeah, they’re awesome at it. They’re the best team that I have seen at defense”

“It would be an amazing practice, I agree. Iwaizumi, what do you think?” asks his coach

“If they are that good then it would be an amazing match for us too”

“Ok then, let’s see at what time we can. It’s your coach around?”

“Yes, he’s on the bus, let me call him”

The coach goes with his assistant to see their schedule, so you call Kuroo to reach the coach quicker, you knew he was waiting for your call.

“Well, pretty girl, since you don’t know me let me present myself. Oikawa Tooru, my pleasure”

“Yn, nice to meet you”

“Yn, sounds foreigner, so what language do you speak?”

“Spanish and English”

“Really? Can you help me?” Oikawa asks, all signs of flirting gone “I’ve been looking for someone who teach me Spanish but it’s hard to find people around here”

“Why do you want to learn? But sure, I can help. If you go over the top with the flirting I’ll stop though”

“Thank you so much!” you smile to him as Kuroo enter the gym alongside the coach

“You’re okay chibi-chan?” Kuroo appears beside you, passing his arm over your shoulder protectively while your coach goes with Seijoh's

“Yeah, I’m fine” you say as he rubs your hair

“Sorry for throw you into this chibi-chan” he whispers before turning towards the other two boys “Hello, Kuroo Tetsuro, Nekoma’s captain”

“Oikawa Tooru” they hold each other's hands with a nice smile on their faces, but everyone can notice the tension “is he the reason why you don’t want me to flirt with you that much, chibi-chan?”

“Tetsu? Nah, I’m not dating anyone, I just don’t want you to flirt with me”

“Hmm?! Guys don’t laugh!” says Oikawa offended

“The Great Oikawa is being shut down completely. I don’t know you but I love you already” a light brown hair dude looks at you, 3 of them laughing like crazy while Kuroo and you stand there clueless

“Trashy-kawa almost never gets rejected, that’s why his ego is so big, it’s a nice change” explains Iwaizumi

“Iwa-chan!”

“Guys let’s go, we still need to go to our other destination” calls your coach Nekomata

“Bye, thank you” you bow at the team alongside Kuroo who, as soon as he turn around, his face go in full concern towards you

“Did he try to do something chibi-chan?”

“Nothing much, just some flirting. It was just as a prevention”

“Fine, tell me if something happens”

You arrived at the bus and you went to sit next to Kenma, a big sigh came out making him chuckle and lay one more time on your shoulder “Too many people, and I still have more. I hate it here”

“But thanks to you we have a practice match with a top 4 school here. We have to be here tomorrow at 4 pm” says the coach

“Thank you Yn-chan, did you talk to the captain?” Kai asks you

“Not that much, I talked to their number 4 though, he was nice”

The bus starts towards the hotel that you are staying at. The guys are staying together in a room, while you have your own upstairs, near the coach and the assistant for prevention. Once you leave your things there, the coach, assistant coach, Kuroo and you go out to go to Shiratorizawa. The plan for it was quite similar, you going first to talk to them while they wait for a signal

“Hey! You’re the girl that complimented me on Nationals! Don’t remember your name though” you turn around to see the red hair boy with Ushijima next to him

“Hi, I’m Yn…you’re Tendou-san, right?”

“That’s me! Why do you have Nekoma on your jacket? Weren’t you with the foxes?”

“I was, but I had to move to Tokyo. I’m in Nekoma now”

“That’s cool! This is Wakatoshi-kun by the way” he says pointing at the ace, you nod at him and he does the same “What are you doing here then?”

“Ah yeah, Nekoma is on the town and I remembered that you were from here, so they want me to see if we could have a practice match together”

“Why do you have to do it? Shouldn’t the coach be on charge of that?” asks Ushijima with his deep voice

“Yeah, I accidentally mention that I talked to you, Tendou-san, so they thought that I had more chances or something like that”

“I would love to play with the kitty cats! But I don’t think I can help that much; our coach isn’t the nicest and we already have a lot of practice matches…You can always try though!”

“S-sure” you say with a slight nervousness, the previous coach seemed nice, so this new information caught you off guard “where do I go?”

“Oh yeah, follow us!” you wonder if Tendou could feel your nervous state, because he is trying to make you laugh on the way to the gym, a pretty successful try.

“And the other day the horses went wild…”

“You have horses here?! What kind of school are you?”

“I know right?! It’s so crazy that we have them!!” he makes an exaggerated face, going down to your height to whisper in your ear “Between you and me, this school is full of rich, rich people. I just enter here because of volleyball”

“Damn”

“TENDOU! USHIJIMA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU GUYS ARE LATE! AND WHO IS THIS GIRL?” screams a small old man making you jump slightly, and to your surprise, Ushijima is the one to answer.

“I’m deeply sorry, coach. On our way here we found Yn-kun, she wanted to talk to you about a possibility of a practice match with us”

“I’ll talk to her, YOU TWO GO AND DO YOUR RUN!”

“Yes coach!” they say in unison. Before leaving Tendou goes down to whisper in your ear “Chibi-chan, wait for us outside the school. Good luck!”

“So, practice match? Please explain” asks the Shiratorizawa’s coach

“Ah…y-yeah” you stutter. You explain the same thing that you said before between stuttering words. He had an intense aura to him, making you feel like he’s judging everything that you do

“I do remember Inarizaki, they were a good team, but no matter how interesting the offer sounds I’ll have to decline it, we are full of practice matches already”

“It’s fine, we knew that they were low possibilities of it”

“However, if the opportunity arises when we’re free, I may consider it. Have a good day, miss”

“Thank you, you too sir” you turn around and leave. Despite not having the practice match, you were just glad to not be with the coach anymore. You go out of the school finding Kuroo standing outside the gates, arms cross on his chest

“Coach Nekomata told me to wait for you since it was getting late. How did it…wow there chibi-chan” he says after you suddenly hug him, putting your face on his chest. He laughs, putting his arms around your back

“The coach was terrifying, I felt the judgment on his eyes”

“That bad? Sounds like an asshole. Did he accept?”

“No, he said they were full of practice matches, but that he will consider it if they have time”

“Well, it was worth a try. You did good today chibi-chan, you talked to a lot of people for us, thanks. Let’s go to the bus”

“Chibi-chan! Did it work?” you hear Tendou from behind you, who just seem to arrived alongside Ushijima

“No, you’re too full-on practices”

“Aww I wanted to play with the kitty cats”

“It would have been nice to play with another school from Tokyo. Maybe next time” adds Ushijima

“We have to go, coach is gonna be pissed if we don’t arrive soon. See you soon, chibi!” Tendou says before jogging away, making you and Kuroo walk away from the school gates

You enter the bus while telling the story to the coach, who doesn’t seem surprised at all. Once over you sit next to Kuroo, laying your head on his shoulder while he pets your head.

You go to your room straight away when you arrive at the hotel, wanting to take a shower as soon as possible. After a relaxing bath, you went downstairs to buy a hot chocolate from the vending machine.

“Are you okay?” you hear a calm voice behind. You turn around only to find Kenma with a coin purse in his hand

“I’m fine, just tired, I talked to a lot of people today. Want me to buy you something?” You say while taking your drink out

“I got it, thanks. I don’t know how you do it, talk to so many new people” he tells you while putting the coins in

“A habit by now, I have no problem when people talk to me and it’s a few at a times, but it gets progressively harder the more I have to”

“I see…want to play some games together? Everyone else sucks here”

“Is this your way of telling me that you miss my company today?”

“Forget it” he blushes trying to look mad

“I’ll wait in my room, get your game” he nods despite denying the claims earlier. You go up to your room when you hear some not-so-quiet whispers talking to Kenma, who doesn’t say anything that you can hear, a few seconds later you hear a loud ‘Kenma! I told you to not play games so late!’, almost instantly the door of your room opens, Kenma entering with a bored expression.

“I don’t know if they wanted to be quiet or not, but they failed miserably” you chuckle

“I know, they get extra loud sometimes”

He sits beside you so you can start playing together, a comfortable silence falling between you two. After a while you start to get tired, so you turn off your console and move closer to Kenma to watch him play, however, he doesn’t seem super concentrated on it, not like he usually gets in those types of games at least.

“…I did miss you today” Kenma whispers out of nowhere, his face getting red. You look at him shocked by the sudden words before breaking into a soft smile, laying your head on his shoulder

“I missed you too, Ken”

+++

“Chibi-chan!! Have you seen Ken…Oh, found him” you hear, scrunching your face at the sudden noise that interrupted your sleep, finding a smirking Kuroo looking at you

Last night when you rested your head on Kenma's shoulder you fell asleep on him, and at some point of the night, Kenma had fallen too, his head being on top of yours while his game was still on. You felt him move at Kuroo scream, straightening himself while rubbing his eyes.

“So, this is why you didn’t come back, I wish I can blame you” Kuroo’s smirk grows bigger, which makes Kenma look at him with anger.

“Kuro, it’s too early. Shut up”

“How do you want me to shut up? You left the room yesterday and when I didn’t see you on your bed when I woke up, I looked around for you only to find you cuddling with chibi-chan. These are great news”

“Tetsu, kindly, shut the fuck up”

“Fine, fine I’ll stop. We’re getting ready for breakfast, remember that we have a practice match in the morning and afternoon” he says before leaving and closing the door

“Are you okay, Ken?” you ask looking at him, look that he returns with a tired face and a little smile.

“I’m fine, I don’t know when I fell asleep, is your neck okay?”

“It hurts a little, but I can deal with it. I’m going to the bathroom to get ready; you should go too”

“Yeah…” he says, but neither of you does an effort in moving, instead you stay there looking at each other for a few seconds before looking away, both of you blushing

“I’m…I’m gonna go now” you stand up, leaving the room shortly

You look at your reflection after washing your face, only to find some red tints on your cheeks. Kenma is gone when you arrive in your room, only leaving his PSP charging; while the action may be insignificant to others, you know that Kenma doesn’t just leave his things with people he doesn’t trust, making your heart beat even faster. You put your Nekoma jacket before going down, making sure to put his console on your bag.

“Morning chibi-chan”

“Hi Yaku, are you guys ready for the matches?” you ask sitting down next to him

“Yeah, we should be fine, all of us got a great night of sleep anyways” says Kuroo, eyes shifting between Kenma and you, much to the blonde dismay

++++

You are going to the first school, Ohgiminami High, to have the first practice match of the day. When you arrive there, saying hi to the other players and proceeding to warm up, you notice the strong aura of the other players, it was as if they were looking for a fight with everyone.

“I feel like they are judging me” says Kenma arriving to your side

“I think they do that to everyone. The captain doesn’t really fit with the rest, he looks nice”

“Do you know something about them, chibi-chan?”

“Not really, I barely found something about their team”

“Well, it’s always good to have a surprise”

The match started with no problem for the boys, they were putting in action all of the moves that they’ve been practicing. Both sets ended quickly and with a large gap between the schools, making the other team look at Nekoma with a mix of anger and confusion. They were barely even sweating.

“I thought they were going to be stronger seeing how those delinquents look, they barely gave me any problem” Yaku says while sitting next to you

“At least you practiced your moves on an actual match, that’s good”

“Yes, it was worth it, we know that they will work against Seijoh”

“I don’t think that Seijoh will be as easy as this one” adds Kenma putting his head on your shoulder “They have to be good to be in the top 4 schools”

“True, I want to dig Oikawa’s serve, they’re supposed to be impossible to dig” Yaku eyes light with determination

You go back to the hotel while waiting for the other match, sitting down in the common area Kuroo, Yaku and Kai talking; Inuoka and Shinayama are joking with Yamamoto; Kenma is playing and you’re on your phone beside him talking to your foxes about their training week when suddenly a message from a new number pops up

“Who are you texting chibi?” Kuroo asks

“Tendou-san, the red hair dude from Shiratorizawa, just talk to me, he told me something about Seijoh”

“Who’s him? And why do you have his number?” asks Yamamoto crossing his arms

“A…Shiratorizawa player; anyways, he told me that their setter is the whole reason why Seijoh is considered good”

You arrive to Aoba Johsai at 3 so the guys can do warm ups and prepare properly. On the way there you were able to watch a match of them, so you are giving some directions to Yaku and Kuroo telling them the general idea of Oikawa serves. The match was a few minutes away, so you went to refill the bottles outside

“Hi there” someone makes you flinch

“Iwaizumi-san, hi. Filling the bottles again?”

“Yeah, it’s my turn this week”

“Don’t you have a manager? You guys are one of the top schools”

“The majority here are Oikawa fans, we don’t need screaming girls that only care about seeing him”

“Ahh I get it, it’s like my twins. Those two also had fans, but since I didn’t care about them in that way, they let me be their manager”

“That’s how you know how to handle Oikawa?”

“You could say so” you say finishing filling the bottles, when you look at him, you noticed that he still has a lot to refill, so you take some and help him out

“You really don’t have to do this”

“It’s fine, I want to help you” You refill the rest of his bottles in silence while he was putting them in the bag without dry them off “Don’t just put them in, you have to dry them a little Iwaizumi-san, otherwise it will get moldy inside”

“…True, sorry to make you do this” he says quite ashamed

“I told you it’s fine” you smile at him making him blush. While looking at him you decided to try to get more information, and even though you felt bad for misleading him, you knew it was the only way “Last time I saw a bit of your match, Oikawa-san had strong serves, but not a lot of control”

“Yeah, he has been practicing like crazy for it, he can control it better now”

“That’s cool, you also seem really strong too”

“A-ah thank you, I've been practicing a lot…We also got some first years now that are really good too”

“Ahh then I haven’t see them play, I’m sure they’re good if this is one of the best schools” you say in hopes he tells you something

“They are, but they still are first years, sometimes they get too overwhelmed by the pressure”

“Of course, it happens to everyone, especially if the rest of the team is as good as you guys, they probably feel like they have to maintain the good reputation. Done” you say putting the last bottle in, a small smile threatening to appear at the information

“Yeah…Let me carry your bag too”

“Don’t worry about it”

“You can’t be the only one helping, you know, I don’t have all these muscles for nothing” He takes the bag for his team and on the other shoulder he puts yours, starting walking towards the gym side “Are you really teaching Oikawa Spanish?”

“If he wants to, why not? It’s not a bad idea”

“I should give you my number then, Shittykawa can be really stupid sometimes, so if he bothers you or says something out of place you tell me and I beat some sense into him”

“Sounds like good plan. Thank you” you arrived to your side of the court, leaving the bag on the floor

“No problem, good luck today” he smiles awkwardly before going back to his side of the court

“How do you manage to become friends with so many people despite hating talking to new people?” Kuroo asks

“I don’t really know. By the way, he said something that can be useful, can you call the rest?”

“Guys! Nekoma meeting!” calls Kuroo, making the team arrive to where we are.

“I was talking to Iwazumi-san, the number 4, when filling the bottles. Apparently, Oikawa-san has been practicing his serves like crazy, so now he has more control over them and it's not just raw power, he's going to get a few points by serving but I'm sure that after a few tries you guys will be able to dig it no problem, specially Yaku-san”

“Thank you chibi-chan”

“He also said that they have a few first years in their line-up, and that they can get overwhelm during matches”

“It can be easy to pressure them to make mistakes, the more they fail to make a point, the more possibilities of them making mistakes” adds Kenma

“Exactly. If what Tendou-san said it’s true, then the spikers shouldn’t be much of a problem for you. They’re strong, no doubt, but none of them seem stronger than Bokuto-san. If you can dig balls of a top 5 ace at National level, then you probably are able to dig Seijoh’s without much problem, you guys specialize in floor defense after all” you say now

“We just need to get used to them, after that it should be easy. If Shiratorizawa only thinks that the setter is good, it must be for a reason”

“Tendou-san and Ushijima-san don’t seem like the type of look down onto teams that they know it can give them a good fight”

“You two are scary when it comes to planning strategies” says Yamamoto interrupting the two of you “Since when are you this sly Chibi?”

“She was a fox Tora, of course she’s sly” Kuroo laughs “helpful for us though, you getting information from outside the court helps us to create a better play”

“Thank God you came to our school, you and Kenma do work amazingly together” adds Kai

“Almost like you two were meant to be together” whispers Kuroo with his characteristic smirk on

“You never shut up, do you? The match is about to start, go go go” you push them slightly, trying to hide your flustered state

Both teams go to the court and say their greeting, officially starting the match. The first one to serve is the one and only Oikawa, and as expected, he does a powerful serve, marking the first point to Seijoh. By his second serve Yaku is able to be in the right spot, however he isn’t able to dig it properly, marking the second point in Seijoh favor. By the third one however, you notice that Yaku had his concentration face, being able to dig up the ball perfectly and passing it to Kenma. Since Kenma does the minimum movement when it comes to setting, it’s almost impossible for the blockers to guess where he is going to set, sending it to Fukunaga and scoring the point for Nekoma.

After a few points the score is in Nekoma's favor, winning 20 -18, which forces Seijoh to ask for their first time-out. You pass around their bottles and towels before sitting next to Kenma, who puts his head on your shoulder, before joining their meeting

“We seem to be handling them better than expected considering that they are the top 4 here. Not as hard as I thought they would be” says Yaku

“Chibi-chan want to say something?”

“I see what Tendou-san said. There are a few ways to win against you, either teams swarming you with attack after attack; or like Fukurodani, that has Bokuto-san overpower your defense when he's in the zone…”

“Seijoh doesn’t seem to have neither of those. They are a really good team, but they don’t have an exceptional offense outside of their captain serves” adds Kenma

“They also seem to lose a lot of their momentum when they can't rely on Oikawa-san serves to stock up points or at least break the formation, but then again, serve reception is your speciality”

“Besides their blockers fall a lot with Kenma’s subtle faints, specially that first year” adds Kuroo

“Oikawa-san is totally different from Tsumu” you mutter while looking at the other setter “Oikawa-san makes them as good as they can be, which is not THAT good; Tsumu will give them a boost and make them stronger than they are. Fascinating really”

“We should continue with the blocks so the floor defense can get fully use to them, after that let’s change into a more offensive blocking to see how they do” says Kenma

The whistle sounds, meaning that they have to go back to court. Seijoh also seems to be a really analytical team, so it wouldn’t be surprising that they notice some of the weak points of Nekoma. The first set ends up going to Nekoma by a small margin of points.

The second set starts with a lot more people watching now, majority screaming for Oikawa’s attention, you had forgotten the fan girl screams during practice. Seijoh seems to be trying to break Nekoma's formation by using more faints than before, it works at first, but after a few of those the guys are able to adapt to their plays once again, making them visibly frustrated. After Kuroo blocks Iwaizumi spike perfectly and Kenma does a setter dump after, you noticed that Oikawa was looking at Kenma with a mix of confusion, frustration and annoyance. You can understand why though, Oikawa is definitely more athletic than Kenma, probably has practiced a lot more, and is probably way more passionate when it comes to volleyball; and yet, Kenma was giving him a hard time.

The second set also goes to Nekoma, much to everyone in the gym surprise, this time by a point of difference after a long deuce. The teams now go to the opposite team coach to hear some objective critique, coach Nekomata congratulates them for having an excellent game, while you stay in the side line like always.

“Did you help them?” asks Oikawa before leaving, Iwaizumi staying with him

“Of course, I’m their manager, that’s my job”

“It doesn’t make any sense, they weren’t any stronger than Shiratorizawa; the setter isn’t outstanding, the ace isn’t exceptionally strong, and Nekoma isn’t particularly well known, even in Tokyo...”

“Maybe you guys looked down to us a lot more than you should. My cats may not be the flashiest team out there, but that doesn’t make them bad” you say annoyed

“I didn’t mean it like that…I…”

“Trashy-kawa, the coach is waiting, move your ass” Iwaizumi pushes him out of the way “sorry, he hates losing and gets really petty”

“It’s fine, but I’m not letting anyone talk trash about my boys again”

“I’ll hit some sense into him, don’t worry”

The guys come back to where you are, Kenma immediately putting his head on the crock of your neck, taking your hand to his head so you can play with his hair. Since the team was used to this sight, they act like nothing is happening.

“So tired” he mumbles

“You did amazing Ken”

“What made you so mad chibi-chan? Your eyes were scary” asks Yaku

“Oikawa-san basically putting you down”

“Awww you defended us!”

“Of course I did” you roll your eyes while still playing with Kenma’s head

“Remember me to not make you angry, you’re scary”

The guys continue talking while, for the first time ever, you feel Kenma arms go around your waist slowly, hugging you lightly and with a little hesitation. You try to not react too much, knowing that he could get shy if you say something, but it's impossible to stop your heart from beating like crazy; after all, he isn’t fond of skinship, so this was rare.

Sadly, you had to move away since you had to organize the things and they wanted to fresh up a little before leaving. Before he goes to the bathroom, you notice a big blush on his cheeks, which just deepens when Kuroo got closer to him to say something. After packing everything you were writing down the results of this match and also some notes about Seijoh and Nekoma plays when you suddenly felt a tap on your shoulder.

“Ehh…sorry for what I said earlier about your team, I was annoyed about loosing” Oikawa says regretfully

“Do you actually mean the apology? Or you just don’t want me cancel your Spanish classes?”

“Both really, Iwa-chan said that I acted like a douchebag, which I did, and I also want you to help me…please?”

“You do it again and I am stopping the classes; and that goes for all my friends, my cats, my foxes and my owls. Got it?”

“Yes ma’am. Here’s my number so you tell me when to start the tutoring, and Iwa-chan put his too just in case. Thanks for helping me, really chibi-chan” says sincerely

“It’s fine, don’t worry”

“Yn-chan, everything ready?” asks the coach

“I need to take the bag with the bottles and I’m done coach”

“Ok, let’s wait in the bus then”

“Sure” you take the bag and said goodbye to Oikawa before walking towards the door, saying goodbye to Iwaizumi right before going out. The team starts arriving to the bus shortly, everyone going to their sits. After arriving to the hotel and eating some dinner together, Kenma goes to your room just like the day before.

“Yn…Thank you” he says suddenly, making you lift up your head from his shoulder

“Eh? Why?”

“Everything really, you help and cheer for us however you can, you’re super nice and comfortable to be around too” he pauses his game, something rare on him, so he can look at you with a smile “I’m glad you came to Nekoma and became our manager”

“I’m glad that I chose Nekoma too” you smile too, feeling your heartbeat race as you put your head back in his shoulder comfortably

----------

I totally forgot that i didn't finish this, oops

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fearsomefive · 1 year ago

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Info about my silly OC

Disclaimer: If you have problems with me making an OC mainly for being gay with a fictional alien I don’t want to hear it and also skill issue ❤️

If you’re chill though, feel free to stay on this post! I typically can’t commit to OCs (mainly bc I never share them) so I’m not the most familiar with the process of creating them

Their name is Lucy and I haven’t determined a last name bc I find them hard to come up with (without being generic) but their middle name is Evelyn.

They use they/she pronouns like me. Whatever pronoun I use for Lucy at any given moment isn’t really determined by anything in particular other than vibes.

Lucy is 28 years old and an aspiring journalist in Duckburg.

Their main outfit is a light pink cardigan, white tee underneath, and black mini skirt with pink combat boots (guess what my favorite color is). They have short-ish, straight purple hair and dark brown eyes with red eyeshadow on them. I imagine them maybe being the tiniest bit shorter than Donald and Della.

Lucy’s work outfit consists of a black sleeveless turtleneck dress, pearl necklace, and black Mary Jane shoes.

They are best friends with Della and Daisy because I make the rules. I also kinda like the thought of them being in the same high school graduating year as Gandra but not knowing what happened to her since then. Imagine their shock when finding out what happened after that.

Lucy meets most people I’m associating them with post Moonvasion, but first meets Daisy. Daisy introduces them to the twins, Della introduces them to almost everyone else after that (but mainly Penumbra).

Lucy meeting Penumbra starts with them wanting to do a report on Moonlanders. They have always been very intrigued by the moon and finding out it’s a planet changed their life forever. The problem is, most journalists were intimidated by Penumbra even with all the scarier things that happen regularly in Duckburg. Not Lucy, though. They want nothing more than to interview not just Penumbra’s people, but her as well.

They are jokingly self described as ‘homophobic specifically towards Gyro Gearloose’ after Della starts talking about him.

Lucy gets along with the kids really well, and while she doesn’t play favorites, she has a soft spot for Louie due to also being the youngest and most sensitive in the family.

#lucy tag #that tag is temporary until i give them a last name #i made a human version of them in both outfits in picrew if anyone wants to see!#almost all of this info i literally just came up with

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shrekgogurt · 1 year ago

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WORDS

This is a sappy creative talking about being creative post. You have been warned. I did not proofread because I am nothing if not consistent in my personality.

I just got done watching Season 2 episodes 3&4 of the FX’s The Bear and I’m constantly inspired by their storytelling. The two episodes I watched really leaned into the creative process in a way that made me very reflective. I am terrible in a kitchen. However, I really saw similar patterns in my own pursuits.

I have a dear friend who studied brains in university and when I was at my lowest a few months ago she was telling me about how life is just skills. Things like IQ are bullshit. Everybody can do anything if they put the time in. It’s about just choosing skills and developing them. I get mad that I can’t draw. I get mad that I can’t play guitar well. Those are skills I’ve never worked on because the process doesn’t bring me joy, even though they are skills I wished I had. Meanwhile things like science or sports are areas I’ve never had much interest in cultivating anyway so the lack of skill doesn’t bother me as much.

I think about my skillset now a lot more. I think about how learning piano—while I’m frustrated by my lack of expertise—doesn’t make me literally cry while I’m learning. I embrace the challenge unlike something like drawing where I get so upset with myself it’s not fun anymore. This past fall while my confidence was totally shot (for a lot of reasons) I looked at my ability to sit at a keyboard and just play the same riffs from Kate Bush’s Wuthering Heights over and over and over and over until I could do them. I learned I could do hard things. That maybe I’m not a total lazy piece of shit who gives up at the first sign of trouble.

And the beautiful thing is? That wasn’t always the case with piano. I’ve dabbled here and there throughout my life but when I first took piano lessons as a kid I HATED them. I didn’t enjoy putting in the work. But I do now because people change. And so maybe one day I will learn to draw but not right now. And that’s okay.

And then I start thinking about singing. There’s this sentiment that people are just naturally gifted, especially at singing. But at least for me that’s not the case. I’m good at singing because as a kid I loved it. I gravitated toward it. I sung all the time to the radio, mimicking the voices I heard. And I listened to SO MUCH music—partially because of my parents but also because I chose to always have the radio or a CD or my trusty mp3 player going. When I was playing with my dolls. When I was riding my bike. When I was in the shower. When I was at dance class. When I was dragged along to my siblings' sports games, I would build worlds while tuned into the nearest iHeartRadio station. (Airplanes feat. Hayley Williams. I loved it. I loved the storytelling. Pt. 1 but oh when the oh so rare Pt. 2 came through over the FM waves it was the best day of my life.)

Eventually, my parents put me into voice lessons. I learned how to sing rather than mimic. (Not that the latter is bad.) But I learned how to use it as an instrument. And I sang and I sang and I sang. In lessons. In choir. In church. That’s why I’m good at singing. It took me forever to learn how to harmonize. I was a soprano—it was always melody. But I’m learning that too as my voice changes. I can’t sing as high as I used to. I haven’t practiced notes off the staff since high school. Life is just skills. I was focusing on different ones. Like film (but we’ll get to that.)

There was something else always there. I don’t know how many people knew it—the extent. You had to live with me to see it…but I loved nothing more than I loved reading.

I always had my nose in a book. Like a lot of kids who consumed books non-stop it was definitely escapism. But I read and I read and I read. The classic question in my family was “where is Mary?” And the answer was always “in her room.” And if I wasn’t reading a story I was creating one. With my dolls yes, but eventually with my tiny little acer computer and with my thumbs in the notes app on my iPod Touch. (I still maintain that the notes app is where the best art happens.)

It was May in my eighth grade pre-Algebra class when my friend told me what FanFiction was and about how she had an account on good ole fanfiction.net. I made one too. I joined a Divergent roleplaying forum that lasted two months. I started writing a long-abandoned backstory for my character—Antoine, named at intermission of the high school production of West Side Story I was watching. It was bad. But I didn’t know it at the time. I thought I was doing something important and I guess I was.

The Divergent forum didn’t last long but a few months later I would create my own. Welcome to Camp Half Blood! Join in! Make an OC! I brought my friends over from the old forum and even as Admin my authority was immediately usurped. We built worlds. And then we rebuilt them. And then our worlds had baby worlds. Generation 1, Gen 1.5 (you suggest a teen pregnancy plot line as a joke one time while on a choir trip in Yorkshire ONE TIME and then you wake up and uh oh two characters are actually teen pregnant), Gen 2, on and on and on. There’s a whole Google Sheets document. It’s deeply comprehensive and filled with all our faceclaims and timelines and playlists.

We rarely wrote action in our roleplay. We mainly talked. Dialogue and dialogue and dialogue for years. I get compliments now on my dialogue in fics. It didn’t come from nowhere. It came from cringe-y exchanges with my friends as we fell in love with each other’s self inserts over and over and over again. I stayed up on school nights until 2am quietly wheezing only to fall asleep in Algebra 1 over my scribbled cursive poetry on the graph paper. Life is skills. I was choosing which ones to build.

It was never math.

It was stories.

In the singing. In the dance (competition team—burned me out. I was never the best athlete. I was always the most expressive. I was telling the story.) In the theatre. And in the little fan videos I would make with my friends for our OCs over on fanfiction.net.

So my dumbass went to film school. And like with singing I learned about stories. How to craft them. And I wrote bad scripts. And we made bad low budget films. And I was so scared of cameras but I learned how to use them. And I directed and I got good at that especially with documentaries. Looking at all the information and chasing down the story. Telling people who were faster editors than me where to cut. Telling people who could make the camera capture what I saw in my eye what to film. God I fucking loved it. And I miss it.

Because my dumbass went to seminary. Why? Because there were these ancient stories that were really important to me that were being used to harm others. And I wanted to learn them. And I wanted to be able to show that there was a different way than the one that spews hatred. And as Phoebe Bridgers sings I “went looking for a creation myth ended up with a pair of cracked lips.” And I’m figuring all that out still. What to do with these stories that mean so much to me. How to tell them. How to Robin Hood theology.

And as my life and my faith were falling apart. I looked at my tiny little shithole apartment. And how I used to hide in my room where I felt safe. And I made that apartment feel safe. It was my room now. And I walked out to my bookshelf and I saw a book I had bought and opened it up. And on the inside of the cover there was a map just like there was in all the best books from my childhood. So I stayed up until 3am reading it. And then the next night. And the next night. And then I bought the sequel and I read about a boy who thought he was going to be something and then he wasn’t that anymore. And he was lost and angry and self-destructive just like me. But then in the last part of the trilogy he decided at the last second to try to figure it all out. And I’m still trying to do that too.

I had been writing all along—non-fiction. Papers. Essays. (Metas—really.) And I learned how to approach a text. How to analyze it in one million different ways. And I think I took those skills I learned from the Bible and I stuck them on some YA trilogy. And I thought and I thought and I had something to say.

And I wrote. And I keep getting better. Because life is just skills.

So I was watching The Bear and Will Poulter as a baker talks about how he used to see some other baker as competition. Until he decided he wasn’t and instead he just tried to keep up. And I want to keep up. And I watch these television shows and I read your fics and I get so fucking inspired.

And I look at this stupid fucking soccer fic I love with my whole chest and I think about how life is just skills and they all have led me to be able to write it. And I know that in ten years when I’m 34 I’ll probably think it’s cringey just like I think that what I wrote when I was 14 is cringey. But GOD I’m so proud of it. And I think I always will be.

Because life is just skills and I’m really glad I chose these ones.

TL;DR I’ve never been the best “athlete” (had the best skills in a particular medium) but goddamn if I’m not a good fucking storyteller.

#personal #writing #kind of ikabikam

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etaleah · 5 months ago

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Sometimes I find myself thinking back to watching Disney Channel as a kid and wondering how Disney Channel managed to produce so much content that’s just cringe to watch and listen to, with characters who don’t feel real at all and whose dialogue sounds so fake, and now I have hit upon an answer.

See, Disney Channel’s target audience is (or at least was since I haven’t watched them in a long time) mostly tweens in the 10-13 year old demographic. That’s the age when kids are starting to grow out of cartoons but are still too young for most adult shows, so they turn to live action shows that look and make them feel more grownup than cartoons but are still G-rated enough that their parents won’t object.

So you’d naturally assume that the characters in these shows would be tweens, since Disney knows that’s who’s watching. But they’re very often not, and there are a few reasons for this:

1. Hiring child actors that young is more complicated from a legal and logistical standpoint than hiring older teens or young 20-somethings. The younger your child actor is, the more labor laws you have to follow, the more involved the parents have to be, and the less acting experience the child is likely to have. Younger children also age out of their roles a lot faster than older teens or adults do. All of that is a pretty strong incentive to go older.

2. If a character is so young that they can’t drive, have their own money, or be away from their parents/teachers for an extended span of time, that’s going to make your story options pretty limited. It’s hard to write an exciting movie or TV show about a character whose freedom and abilities are that restricted because what can you believably have them do? You can work around that in fantasy settings via magic and such, but in a real-life setting, it’s much harder.

3. Kids like watching shows about characters who are older than them. It lets them enjoy the fantasy of thinking they can grow up to be like that, or that this is what high school will be like when they get there.

So naturally, given these factors, Disney Channel makes many of their characters 15 or 16 or sometimes even older, and they hire older actors to play these characters. Which is fine…except that you still need to make them relatable to the 10-year-olds in the audience and not have anything that parents might object to.

And that’s how you end up with so many movies and TV shows where the characters are 16 year olds played by 18 to 20-somethings who act, talk, and dress like they’re 10, and why there always has to be a Moral of The Story. Which is where the cringe comes in. Because all you can think is, “No teenager would ever say that.” And it’s true, they wouldn’t. Because these characters aren’t really teenagers. They’re meant to be tweens that the tweens in the audience can connect with. It’s a kind of permanent hellscape where they’re always writing a tweenage character in an older teenage or adult body and setting. And the result is the disaster you’d expect.

This is why their animated content tends to do better than their live action sometimes. Animated characters can easily be any age you want, they can stay that age forever, and so long as the voices are fitting and consistent, the actors’ ages don’t matter either.

#disney channel #disney channel movies #disney channel show #disney #my thoughts #media critique #media criticism

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lovestuckyhatemarvel · 1 year ago

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Okay so, here we are with season 4 episode 1 of Stranger Things. But before I get into the episode, I need to explain something: I’ve never actually watched this season before. I have, however, watched Steddie compilations on YouTube. Regardless, I’m labeling this as a ‘rewatch’ because it’ll keep the series consistent. And parts of it technically are a rewatch. Anyway, these are also going to be way longer than usual because a lot more is just Brand New™️ to me. Although some I haven’t seen but do know because of fanfiction.

1.) I literally can’t remember what made the Texas shooting something that would be necessary to be mentioned at the beginning when America has shootings all the time.

Edit: I have been reminded of the actual case it’s referencing. But I think Texas shooting is going to become less and less of an obvious connection as time goes on, especially for people who aren’t in America. I am in America, and there’s just…too many shootings to keep track of, tbh.

2.) I don’t know why I’m watching this recap. I literally watched season 3 last week or whatever but they really cut out the Russian interrogation/secret base locating stuff entirely from their recap.

3.) season 4 really starts out by being like, “Remember Brenner? Remember that douchebag? Well, guess what. He’s actually super boring in everyday life.”

4.) 010 come on down to get your psychic powers tested and your ability to interpret Brenner’s bad drawings tested. Oh nvm at least now they’re trying to locate people only to witness both Six and Dr. Ellis’ death.

5.) Wait why did Brenner survive this? How did Brenner survive this? Ten is dead. Also, since when does Brenner care about the kids? It’s not like he’s treated them well.

6.) El looking really crazy covered in blood and basically hyperventilating.

7.) El’s got her own room. Also, we’ve gone 185 days since season 3 and now El is painting little figures. And is giving a recap via letter. Joyce is a telemarketer, Will is gay pining, Jonathan has a broken car and is a stoner. Argyle has a pizza van and takes them to school. The bullies in school are cliches.

8.) Nancy drives Mike to school and Karen Wheeler looks great. Also they want Mike home by 9 pm because of his 6:30 flight.

9.) Suzie is editing a D- to an A for Dustin.

10.) I love this conversation about crushes between Robin and Steve. Boobies. Although I don’t like Robin’s hair as much this season.

11.) Max rides the bus and missed a Thursday meeting so needs to go after lunch.

12.) oh there’s Chrissy. And here’s the marching band with Robin playing the TRUMPET. Looks like Vickie’s a clarinet player. Jason and Lucas on the basketball team while Dustin and Mike argue about girlfriends in the crowd.

13.) I know it’s way too early since Jason hasn’t done anything yet, but I already hate him. He just has a punchable face. “Think about all these dead people DID THEY DIE FOR US TO LOSE AT BASKETBALL?” I would have keyed his car in high school. Like oh my god.

14.) Mike and Dustin are nerds and freaks and proud of it. To be fair, Lucas always has been cooler than them. But also Lucas should have gone to Eddie himself.

15.) PACKAGE. FROM. RUSSIA. Man, do not ever send anything delicate to Joyce, she fucking demolishes packages. Oh, that’s an ugly doll. I’ve read about the doll but didn’t know it was that ugly.

16.) El/Jane has to go after a blonde girl talking about Helen Keller for her presentation about Hopper? That’s rough, buddy. Angela is a bitch and I hate her Ariana Grande looking ass. Will is trying and I love that him and El are siblings but yeah, no, that presentation went badly.

17.) Max is doing her loner thing but does get to see Chrissy being upset in the hall as she heads away from the counselor.

18.) C in English and C- in Spanish. It’s not normal for Max but babe, C’s get degrees. You’ll be okay. Max’s mom is drinking, working two jobs, and stepdad is gone. Max is still my favorite even if she is a liar. Lucas’ advice about finding something she cares about is technically good but poor wording and timing. Max isn’t really open for help.

19.) Stranger Things really loves shots of people in bathrooms holding the sides of the sink. Also we get to hear Chrissy vomiting.

20.) Chrissy’s hallucinating. She has issues with her mom being awful about her weight and honestly, mood.

21.) Oh hi, Eddie. You’re a goofy guy. And now Eddie walks across the table. Also honestly, so far the bullying in Hawkins is like, minimal. All that happened in that scene is Eddie got called a freak. Dustin and Mike do try to get the game postponed. I still think Lucas should have asked. Eddie’s got to pass Mrs. O’Donnell’s class and that’s it to pass the class. Eddie really does yank both those dweebs out of their seats with barely any effort.

22.) Murray has karate from 1-3 on Fridays? Good for him. Oh and the doll from Russia has nipples. Teeny tiny nipples. And now needs to be smashed.

23.) Everyone thinks it’s weird that Nancy and Jonathan aren’t spending spring break together. I still think Nancy’s a comphet case. I love that Mike asks Nancy and Dustin asks Steve. Max is sarcastic to Dustin’s request which is very funny. Literally everyone shoots them down. Dustin comes up with an idea nad sprints off faster than I knew was possible.

24.) Oh it’s the picnic table behind the school scene. And we hear and see a clock chiming as she waits for Eddie. I’ve never actually seen the build up to the meeting with Eddie. Did not know the clock breaks and spills spiders.

25.) Eddie is tempted to leave ‘cause Chrissy is acting crazy. Eddie is very dramatic and they were in a talent show together. Eddie used to have buzzed hair and now plays at the Hideout on Tuesdays. I would have loved for Chrissy to live and for these two to be another Steve and Robin. Chrissy asks for something stronger.

26.) El failed a math test, I think? And if that’s the test she failed, it’s extra sad because that’s what she called herself good at in the opening letter. And then Angela tripped her? And her stupid friends stomp on her project. I wanna kick Angela’s ass. El forgets that she doesn’t have powers and it’s so embarrassing. El doesn’t snitch but a teacher takes Angela away anyway.

27.) Will feels so bad and is trying so hard to help.

28.) I feel like it wouldn’t require a paint can from a tree to break a porcelain doll. Oh, Murray thinks it might have an explosive. AND IT’S FILLED WITH A NOTE SAYING HOP IS ALIVE AND IT’S WRITTEN IN CUT OUT LETTERS LIKE IT’S FROM A SERIAL KILLER. WHY DID THEY DO THAT??? LMAO

29.) And now it’s the championship. I feel like fanfics stretch episode 1 into like, 3 chapters. Steve came with his date to see Lucas. And here’s Tammy Thompson. And she’s…bad. this bad performance is worth it for Steve’s sassy expressions.

30.) Oh, hey Erica Sinclair. LMAO WAIT, IS SHE WEARING AN AMERICAN FLAG? GOD, YOU DWEEB. I will say that the rest of hellfire that just kind of chortles in response to everything is so far just background noise that I do not care about. I do love that Erica is way better at insults than Eddie and he kind of adores her.

31.) I still hate Jason.

32.) Technically if we’re going with the lore of we thought Vecna was killed by Kas then technically El/Jane is this show’s Kas.

33.) Okay going back and forth is too hard when they’re going back this fast between basketball and Hellfire so I’ll just summarize at the end. Lucas going in and the gameplay mirror each other very obviously. It’s an old trope but a good one. Eddie’s unhinged.

34.) “There is no shame in running. Don’t be heroes.”

35.) Dustin misses and so does Jason. But Lucas and Erica both win. This slow mo is kind of excessive. Eddie’s fucking thrilled that Erica did a critical success. Although did they actually need a natural 20 to win? That doesn’t really make sense if the guy only has 15 HP left. Presumably they haven’t been critting to attack this fucking thing this entire session. So really it’s a matter of going above his AC. And technically you don’t need a nat 20 to do that, especially if you have enough bonuses. Although they are playing a different version of D&D than I’ve ever played so maybe I’m taking out of my ass.

36.) Aw, Max listened to the game’s result on the radio. I thought she went. Her mom is passed out on the couch. Max takes food to a dog. Eddie lives like, directly across from her. For some reason, from fanfics, I thought they were like, directly next to each other. Still, Max saw Chrissy go into his trailer.

37.) Wayne works nights. Eddie does not know where his ketamine is. Should keep track of that. That is a very cool guitar he has though. Chrissy’s hallucinations are very bad now and she’s no longer responsive. And now the lights are flickering. Vecna’s ugly as hell. There are so many spiders in this vision. Eddie really is trying to wake her up but I’m not sure how he thought I DON’T LIKE THIS, CHRISSY, WAKE UP would help.

38.) did not know we see Vecna in episode 1. “It’s time for your suffering to end.” Don’t be weird, dude. And now Chrissy is floating. Her death is like, both weirdly graphic and also sanitized. Like it looks cartoonish. I didn’t realize how cartoonish it looks. Bones don’t break through the skin. There’s barely any blood. Her skin moves like putty.

#stranger things #stranger things rewatch #season 4 episode 1 #s4e1 #stranger things s4e1 #only kind of a rewatch #I’ve seen steddie compilations and that’s it

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