#I have to take a moment to recenter myself

[cognitiveoverload]

Rejection (Aaron Hotchner x reader)

summary: Being Hotch’s favorite is hard, but when he suddenly asks you out, you don’t really know if you’d like to make things harder for yourself.

tags: fem!tech analyst!reader

note: There will be more parts, not necessarily in chronological order. What do you think, what situations will they find themselves in? Send an ask with your idea, and let’s see what will happen.

At first, it was just a casual and genuinely innocent observation from Spencer. “Have you noticed that Hotch calls only you if he needs something?” he asked one day as he sat between you and Penelope in your little den.

But then this comment spread through the BAU like wildfire, making everyone think back of all the times their boss needed information, and look at that, they all remembered the same detail–it’s not just the fact he was always calling you, it was the fact he always called you by your first name.

And that’s how the constant teasing began. Derek, Emily, JJ and Penelope tormented you, with Spencer occasionally joining to spit out some facts about the both of you, while Rossi targeted Hotch as far as you knew. It was mortifying, really, but you got used to it.

What you still can't get used to is the change in your boss’ behavior. Recently he’s been different, although you can’t quite put a finger on what it is that changed. Sure, maybe he shows up a little more often in your office, strictly when Penelope isn’t around, and he brings you coffee when you’re working late or arrive a little too early as he does.

“How are you holding up?”

You turn your swivel chair around to look at Hotch, who’s standing in the door with an almost worried expression on his face. He sent Penelope home a few hours ago when a case affected her too much, and now apparently it was time for another wellness check in your little office. It’s hard to miss the way he’s flexing his fingers, a clear sign that he’s nervous, although you’re not a profiler, so you remain silent before you say something stupid.

Thinking about his question, you realize one thing. “It didn’t really affect me. Does this mean something’s wrong with me?” you ask him.

His lips part as he takes a shallow breath and thinks about what you just said. For a moment you think he’ll not give you an answer, but then he sits on the edge of your desk and watches you with a small smile. “It only means you’re tough. Look, you said, ‘It didn’t really affect me,’ which tells me it did affect you, just not as intensely as it did Garcia for example,” he explains kindly.

Nodding, you look down at your hands in your lap, but your gaze rises when he bumps his leg into your thigh. You expect him to say something, but Hotch remains silent, and he even acts like he didn’t do anything at all. There is one little thing that’s different, though. That barely visible smirk, the one you’ve all seen before.

Times like this it’s hard to comprehend the extremes in his behavior. He can act like this, so kind and supportive, but he can play rough too, especially when he loses control. And times like that, like a few days ago when he yelled at an agent who tried to take a case from him, you can’t help but think about how he could yell at you any time with you even thanking him.

Because, as pathetic as it might sound, an angry Hotch is simply irresistible. You probably have some issues that should be analyzed, but that’s tomorrow’s problem.

“I often wonder how you all can do this every single day. Penelope told me to brace myself when I arrived, but… It’s hard sometimes,” you admit quietly. “Yet, there are cases that don’t really make me feel anything. I can’t really wrap my head around that.”

His brown eyes soften in sync with his expression, and then his lips curl into a smile. “You’re a good person, never forget that. Not feeling anything might be your brain’s way of protecting you. Either way, if you ever want to talk, you know where to find me,” he tells you as he stands up.

You nod, then return to your computer once he’s heading to the door. But then the sound of footsteps suddenly dies, and when you turn around to see if he has just disappeared into thin air, you find him watching you with a thoughtful look. Your brows furrow in confusion, but you don’t say anything, you just wait for him to spit out whatever’s on his mind.

“Aren’t you hungry?” he asks casually.

It seems like an innocent, regular question between co-workers. The members of the BAU often team up in pairs or bigger groups to grab something, even Hotch joins them for a drink in a bar or dinner in some restaurant nearby. But he has never, ever gone out to eat with someone alone. Maybe with Rossi, but that doesn’t count.

So, it’s no wonder you have to think about the offer. You would be on thin ice, the team already has a little too much fun with the fact Hotch is playing favorites with you. If you have dinner with him alone, they might think you’ve been in some secret relationship all along.

In the end, the rational–or maybe rather paranoid–side of your brain makes the final decision. “Thanks, but I’d rather go home after I finish this,” you say, pointing at your computer.

He nods, and you begin to think he’s about to leave, but then he gulps and takes a deep breath, as if he’s gathering the strength or courage to say whatever’s on his mind. “I have paperwork that can’t wait, but I can give you a ride home after I’m done,” he offers, and there’s a look in his eyes that you can’t quite identify.

“No need, I’ll be fine, but thanks anyway,” you tell him with a forced smile.

The last thing you need and want is Hotch taking you home. He means well, you know that, but you can’t risk being seen by someone who could easily start a rumor. The problem is, he’s almost as old as your dad, so people would talk about your nonexistent daddy issues, and he’s your boss, which would only make things worse.

So far the whole joke about being his favorite is something that stayed within the team, but if it gets out and reaches HR, you’re both done. You don’t want that, but not because of yourself. Hotch is ambitious, he’s insanely good at office politics, and if he wants to be promoted, he can’t be involved in such scandals.

You’re pulled out of your thoughts by the sigh that leaves his lips. He looks almost disappointed, which is something you don’t really understand, because you can’t remember anything that could be even remotely rude. What is his problem? Or is there something he wants to talk about, something he wants to get off his chest?

Before you know it, he closes the door and walks back to you. “I’ve been making offers, and you turn down each and every one of them without hesitation. Why?” You can’t help but give him a confused look, because you have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about. Well, you know, but why does it bother him? “Is it because we would be alone?”

“It’s just… Wouldn’t it be weird?” you ask.

He inhales and exhales slowly before he suddenly crouches in front of you. “Look, there is a chance it will be weird, yes, but why don’t we give it a shot to see, huh? Come on, just you and me. If you’re afraid someone we both know will see us, we can go somewhere away from the usual crowd.”

You tilt your head to the side as you watch him, observing the look in his eyes, the small smile that makes your heart melt, and you simply can’t get yourself to say no to him. “Why?” you ask, although you know the answer, you just want to hear him say it.

“I’m sure I don’t have to spell it out for you,” he says with a boyish smile.

Gulping, you nod. A date. Aaron Hotchner wants to go on a date with you. But he’s your boss, if you started a relationship, there would be the danger of the aftermath of a breakup. Would you really like to risk it? You love this job, you love this team, you love Penelope, losing them wouldn’t be worth it.

You lick your lips as you push your chair back to build some distance. “I really have to get back to work now, and I’m sure Jack would be happy if you got home before bedtime,” you say, even though it hurts to turn down the invitation.

Hotch lets out a disappointed sigh as he stands up. “If you change your mind… you know. Good night.”

“Good night.”

[stacygetsit]

What about the ring? It was on full display in her recent video about the SAG awards. I feel like if they really want to squelch the shipping then Nic would remove the ring? That’s what’s keeping me on the ship among other things. She moved it from “in a relationship” on her right hand to “engaged or married” on her left hand in October. If the ring does not signify a relationship with Luke then it is either just a nice piece of jewelry she likes to wear or there is someone else? Which makes no sense to me. They give us crumbs/clues then do things to make us question everything. It’s a bit annoying. Lots of games.

hey Anon,

I wanna teach you something that I do a lot when I'm confused or I'm upset with someone I have this really good habit of putting myself into their shoes. So let's put ourselves into Luke or Nic shoes. You just landed this huge role after struggling for years. Your season comes up. You know that it's your time to shine. You know that this is a make it or break it moment in your career. So you put everything you have into these scenes. You give your best performance you've ever given in your life and you're doing it with one of your closest people that you cherish. Then you go on the world tour and you are touring with your best friend somebody that you love with all your heart. But that's another six months of your life that you've given to this role. You don't see your family you don't see your friends. You don't take a vacation. You have lived for your job but you do it because it's something that you love. Now you start feeling things for your costar. And you're getting all of this new attention from all these fans and you're very unsure on how to handle it. What do I do? Do I give in and tell them everything do I pull back and not tell them a thing? What's the correct amount of information that I should give? So as you're trying to figure out this newfound attention from thousands of fans you're also trying to understand what's going on in your personal life. You have to remember you you put on hold all these other relationships in your life relationship you put in your life. You haven't seen your family. You haven't seen your friends. And these were the people that were there for you when you had nothing. But remember you fell in love. You feel things for this for your costar that you've never felt before and you don't understand what those feelings are you're being told by professionals that It might be your characters feelings. And that you should take time apart, so you attempt to do that you bring one of your friends with you to the premiere. And then you get blasted by by everyone and they were ruthless. So you pull back you don't go online as much, you don't post as much. But you're still in love. You're still trying to understand your feelings. You take some vacations. You put some distance between you like the professionals have said. But you realize that you're in love and you're happy. Now your instant reaction as you wanna tell the world. You wanna scream from the mountain tops how much they mean to you. But then you have fans showing up at your hotel rooms. Peeking in your home windows, tearing apart every single little thing that you do. Then you realize as much as you love your fans you just want the privacy to figure out what you're feeling. You want to take a little bit of your life back because you realize that the more you give the more people want. So you got this new relationship and you wanna protect it. You have already experienced people tearing you apart and you don't want people to tear your person that you're in love with apart. But your still have those same feelings of wanting to shout it to the world. And then you realize that the more you talk, the more things slip your love for this other person is so big that it just comes out without you even realizing it. This is where they're at in my opinion. They have this newfound fame. They're in love and they don't know how to deal with it. This world, even though they were both known this world is very much new to them the amount of fame Nicola has is new. People followed her to the grocery store guys. She went to her local pub and got pap. Luke can't even go into a hotel without being pap. They have to be in disguise or stay home. So in my opinion I don't think they're playing games and the ring does matter. I think they're trying to figure it out and I feel as a fan we should give them a little grace. They're trying to decide how much to give us, and if the cost they have to pay is worth it.

note: we also have to keep in mind that they have a team of people that are telling them what to do. They're getting opinions from their friends. They're getting opinions from their family. They're getting opinions from their teams and then there's what they actually wanna do. It's hard to navigate all of that.

[megwritesriddles]

I. Would. LOVE. NSFW head cannons for Elliot (SDV) if you have the time!! 💕💕💕 I just romanced him for the first time and adore him.

MDNI 18+

thank you sm for the request!! I hope you like it!! loooove Elliott but only romanced him for the first time recently too so hopefully I got a good enough grasp on him!!! (´ ω `♡)

word count: 0.7k

all fandom masterlist | sdv masterlist

Definitely a super ‘old-fashioned’ romantic type

He likes to light candles and scatter rose petals whenever he wants to make love to you

He never calls it sex or fucking, it’s ‘making love’ or ‘carnal pleasure’ or a myriad of other flowery euphemisms he comes up with

I imagine he often pours you a drink beforehand, wine or champagne (some nice homemade juice if you don’t drink alcohol), enough to make you feel nice and loose but never enough to impair your consent

Will always take time to admire your appearance, even while inside you, waxing lyrical about your beauty

Such a rambler! He is constantly talking to you during sex, praising you, admiring your beauty, telling how good you feel around him, how good you taste

(I feel like he would sometimes say something so poetic that he’d want to stop and quickly go write it down, but after you got annoyed with him the first time he did it, he decides pleasing you is more important than his writing)

Loves to tuck your hair behind your ear or push it from your face.

“Eyes on me, darling, show me all the pleasure you’re feeling,”

He’d totally be a missionary guy, but then I feel he’d also be up to try out some very out there positions if he comes across them in his reading

Finds you irresistible, always admiring and touching

So! Many! Erotic poems and letters! Like so many… seriously…

He would definitely send you a normal love letter and include an obscene line right at the end to mess with you

“All in all, I am looking forward to the upcoming Egg Festival! I cannot wait to bury myself between your immaculate thighs once more and feast until the sun rises in the east, your pleasure is my sole reason for being, the ultimate balm to my weary soul. Write back as soon as you can, my dear, I am dying to know how you have been!”

You are the muse for all of his works, he has mostly been writing erotic romance since the two of you began dating

If he’s trying to figure out how to write a scene, he will just get you to re-enact it with him… and then once again because he forgot that he was meant to be making mental notes the first time

He’s very passionate, often sweeping you off your feet with romantic gestures, suddenly overtaken with a ravenous need for you which may lead you to secluded corners or behind trees in the forest

Although he prefers to set up a romantic atmosphere, these 'rendezvous' are something he craves from time to time

Some nights he has you sit between his legs, his fingers buried inside you as he reads an erotic novel aloud over your shoulder, matching the movement of his fingers to the action in the novel

Definitely has such a sexy deep voice he puts on when he reads to you

Lots and lots of kissing! on your lips and butterfly kisses all over your body

Definitely loves it when you run your hands through his hair

Whispers sweet nothings to you in public

“I can’t help but remember how divine you looked beneath me last night,”

“I do so love it when you bite your lip, my darling,”

Would definitely love to see you in luxurious clothing or lingerie

A big fan of perfumes, always notices the moment you try a new one

A lovely scent on your skin could easily be enough to arouse him

He is all about beauty and sensuality and the experience of it all

The smells, the tastes, the sounds, the sights!

Definitely would love to listen to soft music while you make love 

Or the sounds of the rain or the ocean while you are safely indoors and warm in each other’s embrace

Would enjoy tracing your body with a feather, caressing the curves and plains reverently

So much hyperbole and melodrama! You are a goddess, he would move the earth for you, no one has ever been so alluring as you! But he completely means every word

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hey you! want to get tagged in my work when it comes out? click here! (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

[wendylianmartin]

There is something I realized about the story that I wanted to touch on. Kappa and Siren both seem to have given up on their dream, and they just keep going for each other. They are not living for themselves, but for someone else, which is not healthy at all…and I love it. Seriously, I love it so much. It's funny, because I tend to despise that dynamic when I see it in stories, because I don't like how it tends to idealize that kind of relationship. But in Castle Swimmer, not only do I prefer it that way, I wouldn't want it any other way. Sure, it's unhealthy and not ideal, but that's the thing… Siren and Kappa are neither healthy nor ideal.

These two boys have both been through so much in their lives, they have been through so much trauma, they have dealt with so many emotions that it has affected them deeply. It makes sense that their past would prevent them from having enough self-esteem to live for themselves right now. It's not something you can just wipe away after a motivational speech.

The way Siren and Kappa are acting is not healthy, is not something I wish for them in the long run. But it makes SENSE that they can't do otherwise. Sure, Kappa is growing right now, but his recent growth still won't erase the effects of 20 years of trauma and neglect. The same goes for Siren. There is something Kappa says to Siren in one chapter that perfectly illustrates this fact:

"Think about everything you've been through since we met. The scar from your mother, the creatures in the god's mouth, dying and being brought back to life. It makes sense that you're having a hard time, it would be weird if you weren't."

I think nowadays we're used to characters having a Shonen-like character arc that makes them evolve and immediately get rid of all their problems. But realistically, it's not that easy. People have to deal with the state they're in for a while before they can really get over it. That's what the story has shown us, that things don't get solved with one miraculous solution like the beacon and the prophecy, learning to say no, finding dad, and so on. That's why it felt not only right, but natural for them to live for each other, no matter how unhealthy it is : Of course they can't live for themselves right now. It's not healthy, but it's realistic. And I'm rooting for it, not because I want the bois to keep living for someone else instead of themselves, but because I'm happy that the bois have a motivation to keep going despite everything they're dealing with right now.

I'm confident that they're going to get better. I'm confident that they will reach a point where they can finally live for themselves and not just for someone else. But that moment is not coming right now, and that's okay. They're allowed to be in a bad state and do the best they can with what they have. As Neth said, "bad motivation is better than no motivation at all."

Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy the Shonen-like arcs of the characters. And I'm proud of the growth our babies have already made, their progress and everything, I really hope to see more of it! But through this approach, I think CS is conveying a message that's not so common in stories, but really deep and important: growth takes time, it's okay if we're not our ideal selves right away. We're allowed to be unhealthy, to deal with it as we can, as long as we're still here and still doing our best. And maybe sometimes it is best to focus on living with our burdens and our mistakes with the limited tools we have. For NOW, the ideal self can wait.

(God, I LOVE this story so much…)

Thank you for the thoughtful analysis! I’m happy my goals with the story and characters are coming through.

I’ve experienced this myself- how our strongest motivations are not always the healthiest ones. I think it’s interesting to explore that in the characters. There was a reason Siren’s mental health took a nose dive after he accomplished his goal of finding kappa. (Which wasn’t even supposed to be his goal In the first place lol) I relate to him a lot in that struggle.

I could see it being frustrating when the characters struggle with the same problems and seem to regress but it feels more faithful to the themes of the story in that way.

Mental health itself is kind of a broad, deep topic and I know I don’t explore it perfectly but I’m happy with how the story has progressed so far 👍

[tbeorthottobe]

Thinking about how just a couple weeks ago I decided it is smarter to keep hiding in the trans closet to keep my sister from worrying only to decide to look up my stepfather on Facebook and immediately see some anti-trans video

[urfavisananimegirl]

walter white from breaking bad

Walter Hartwell White (Breaking Bad) is an Anime Girl!

[goblinontour]

i miss alex

[napping-sapphic]

hehe~~ i am soooooo sleepy and tired right now :3 i’m all cuddled up in all my blankets🥰 so warm and comfy hehe…..oh and also my past is haunting me😐

[snobgoblin]

i want it to rain soon so i can try out my umbrella

[rowenabean]

.

[w1tchybusiness]

i could write a 100 page essay about what a fucking masterpiece warframe is. i will write many words in the tags. please readem if you want my 'tism.

[lavenderjewels]

i have a lot of issues with jjk in the recent years, but i do think the culling games colonies were enjoyable and fun, and that the character development and exploration tends to get overlooked. watching shibuya animated really made me realize that, even though i love that arc, it’s more about the chaos of that single day—the characters put in bombastic fights, power reveals, the villains’ plans set in motion, introductions of major plot lines and characters. kenjaku sealing gojo, yuuji’s entire fight with mahito, and toji’s second death were great emotional moments, but i like that chapters after the arc and in the culling games colonies make more time with self-reflection.

maki’s complicated relationship with her parents and sister, and her moment of enlightenment. panda’s familial bonds and having to say goodbye. yuuta discussing with uro and ryu on what’s meaningful in their lives, love, and the increasing pressure of being strong. yuuji’s overwhelming guilt and hatred of himself reflected in higuruma’s own past and thoughts, with him trying to spare yuuji from that blame. megumi trying to save tsumiki and yuuji, but inadvertently making everything worse, spiraling into killing others, and drowning in despair, when he’s the one who has to be saved. uraume’s funny relationship towards sukuna and kenjaku. kenjaku’s motivations unraveling with their desire to find something beyond their limits in a chaos they cannot control, and killing their friendships.

There’s more than that, but it was when I finally started to really love some of these characters, even ones we’ve known from the start of the series

[anneapocalypse]

Well, I think I've officially decided I'm changing my world state for my first playthrough of Veilguard!

I decided against using Rogues Gallery, for two reasons:

I still haven't finished Calla Cadash's playthrough. I know, I'm terrible to this girl. I swear I will eventually but I don't want to have to rush through it.

Solas... hates Calla. lmao. I'll be shocked if she even gets the redeem option in Trespasser, with how low his approval is. And I think that's interesting and I'll really enjoy playing with it for a future playthrough... but for my first, I really do want to play with an Inquisitor who wants to save him. Doesn't need to be romanced; I just want to play a worldstate where the Inquisitor thinks there's hope for him, an option I love with Solas friendship (I actually prefer the friendship redemption dialogue in Trespasser to the romance dialogue).

That makes Eleanor Trevelyan the perfect Inquisitor. She was also the first Inquisitor I actually finished! And honestly I love her world state, and I think I'll really enjoy building on it. She romanced Sera, disbanded the Inquisition and all other things being equal would really rather settle down with her wife--except that she swore to show her friend Solas that this world is worth saving, and she hasn't forgotten that promise. I think that however big or small the Inquisitor's presence in the actual game, I can make it work for her.

I will probably have to play a little loose with the theme of that world state to make it work, because previously it was romancing city elves (Zevran, Fenris, and Sera) and aside from the fact I don't want to pick a romance ahead of time, I don't think we even have a city elf romance option (Davrin and Bellara both seem to be of Dalish origin). The option I see is to simply play a city elf Rook. With Rook's origins focusing on factions, and not culture of origins, that should work. So it's looking like my first Rook will be an elf!

In that world state, Ilana Tabris is a rogue, while Alessandra Hawke and Eleanor Trevelyan are both mages. I think their Rook will probably also be a rogue. As for origin, I've been leaning toward Lord of Fortune as they just sound fun. But we'll see if anything else catches my eye. Still not making any major decisions about personality or backstory until I have the character creator in hand! I haven't even picked a gender; I do usually play a female character first, but I might not this time; we'll see.

[fluffs-n-stuffs]

silly vampire costumes and their added benefits™️ (directly based on this)

[alltimefail]

Depression really is so stupid because you can be fine, doing better than you have been even, and then WHAM the dreaded drop. Feels a bit unfair actually

[savage-rhi]

🫂