#I have to restart it after turning tumblr live back off

[polarfarina]

Oh I can't add polls now because the spacing makes the button overlap with the other ones??

I can't click on it, just audio and community labels. A lot of space could be eliminated around the insert link button and it would fit just fine. Why is it this way?? Is it just me. Who knows.

[therichantsim]

My very long storytelling process that nobody asked for but I'm telling y'all about anyway.

First let me start off by saying it takes entirely too long but here's why.

I multitask on 1000. I work from home. So, first I go to the kitchen and make coffee. Check emails and DM's on my iPad.

Go grab laptop. Check Tumblr for story updates etc. Grab freshly made coffee and load up my game. While that's loading go through notes for story dialog and ideas. Search for poses. Log out of game and add poses and new cc that I got distracted by. Load game again. While that's loading again, go over to my easel and work a little bit on the painting because technically, I'm at work. Post story of my process on IG and TikTok. Post a WIP pic on Threads, X and IG. Remember that I loaded the game. Click on the save I want to load. Then go back to painting. Now I'm a little hungry so, go make a snack. Remember I have a crate full of prints to put on the porch for the mailman. Goes to porch and sets out crate. Comes back in to go to laptop to print shipping labels for new orders. Sees world map clicks build mode of the lot I need so; I can set up scene for next episode.

Takes a sip of coffee, goes to reheat coffee. Oh yeah... print shipping labels... Then closes that screen and starts working on scene. Then notifications pop up from recent post. Go check those. After doom scrolling for 45 minutes, I have to pee.

Comes back and heads for the microwave because of annoying beep. Reheats for 30 secs. Takes a sip, too hot. Go in live mode and starts taking pics. Game freezes. Force close and restart game. Looks over at painting. Trips over labels because the crate they print into is on the porch.

Again, work on painting and actually get some progress done. Has to go pee again. On the way back from the bathroom grabs crate from porch. Tear off shipping labels. add to crate. Go back to game redo what I didn't save, and this time save. Take pics, then open photoshop.

Now I'm hungry for real. Goes to kitchen. Washes hands, cleans and seasons chicken or whatever. Let marinate. Preps veggies etc. Looks over in the sunroom at painting. Has an idea but not sure about it so take pic of painting and messes around procreate or photoshop. Now, stare at story pics. Open notes rethink some of the dialog. Remembers I never finished my coffee. Goes to freezer grabs ice turns coffee into ice coffee. Guzzles down coffee. Runs photoshop actions and starts adding dialog. Looks at time. Goes to kitchen to cook dinner. Dinner is ready and I'm no longer hungry at the moment. By now the day is gone and I start to feel like I'm in a simulation because time moves too quickly like in the sims.

Go back to painting, maybe even paint live on TikTok for an hour or so. Now it's almost midnight and still haven't finished editing. Goes to laptop to finish. Now it's almost 3am. Remembers shipping labels!!!!

Goes to printer, refills ink, adds photo paper, and starts sending artwork to the printer. Orders canvas prints from vendor. Also orders more packing supplies. Has to go pee. Stomach growls, I go heat up some food, eat, get very sleepy and pass out on couch. My daughter or son wakes me up on their way out for work and tells me to go get in my bed.

Rinse and repeat.

[harmo-n-ia]

Don't listen to that anon you work things at your own pace. This is your blog and your creations and some rando going WHAT ABOUT MEEEE anonymously with absolutely 0 hint of self awareness is beyond rude of themelves. This is a personal rp blog not some public service. I'm so sorry.

(( Thank you. This really does mean a lot. It took me a while to respond as I just felt terrible about it for a while... )) [Big post beneath the cut]

My health- mental and physical, really has not been the best over the past while... especially after having a bad seizure physically and after an incident I'm still not fully recovered from mentally with some people- which did mess up the blog actually as they purposefully erased my notes for all my character writing. I've managed to recover some of my personal notes recently. I'm at a point though where I WOULD like to restart this blog for sweet boy N, and also I'd like to have some moments where my BADEND!AU boy Naal sometimes drops in, now that he's become very well developed as a distinct character. (Maybe losing his original notes actually helped him, his first iteration makes me cringe LOL) The last thing I wanted to ever do though was make anyone sad. Life's so very short- I want to bring people joy. Even if its through little things like character blogs, art of someone's favorite character or a pokemon or just something that makes them smile... or a story they can gripped into and look forward to to distract them from the harsh world we live in these days. I think tumblr did eat some of those asks, though my chaotic life also threw off response time a lot as well. [ᴵ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵉˢᵗ ˡᶦᵛᶦⁿᵍ ˢᶦᵗᵘᵃᵗᶦᵒⁿ, ᵃⁿᵈ ᶠᵒʳ ᵃ ʷʰᶦˡᵉ ʷᵃˢ ⁿᵒᵗ ᶦⁿ ᵃ ᵍᵒᵒᵈ ʷᵒʳᵏ ˢᶦᵗᵘᵃᵗᶦᵒⁿ ᵉᶦᵗʰᵉʳ. ᴬᶠᵗᵉʳ ᵇᵉᶦⁿᵍ ᵃˢˢᵃᵘˡᵗᵉᵈ ᵒⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ʲᵒᵇ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵇᵉᶦⁿᵍ ᵖᵘⁿᶦˢʰᵉᵈ ᶠᵒʳ ᶦᵗ ⁽ᴬ ᴴᵁᴳᴱ ᵂᵀᶠ ᴵ ᴷᴺᴼᵂ ᴿᴵᴳᴴᵀ⁾ ᴵ ʳᵉᵃˡᶦᶻᵉᵈ ʰᵒʷ ᵇᵃᵈ ᶦᵗ ʷᵃˢ, ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵗʳᵉˢˢ ᵃᶜᵗᵘᵃˡˡʸ ᵗᵃᵏᶦⁿᵍ ˢᵘᶜʰ ᵃ ᵗᵒˡˡ ᵒⁿ ᵐʸ ᵇᵒᵈʸ ᶦᵗ ʷᵃˢ ᵖʰʸˢᶦᶜᵃˡˡʸ ᵛᶦˢᶦᵇˡᵉ, ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃᶠᵗᵉʳ ᵇᵉᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵒˡᵈ ᵇʸ ᵐᵃⁿᵃᵍᵉᵐᵉⁿᵗ ᴵ ᵃᵐ "ᵃ ᵖᵉʳˢᵒⁿ ʷᶦᵗʰᵒᵘᵗ ᵃⁿʸ ᵘˢᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵃⁿʸᵒⁿᵉ" ᵃⁿʸʷᵃʸ, ᴵ ᵖᵒˡᶦᵗᵉˡʸ ʳᵉˢᶦᵍⁿᵉᵈ. ᵀʰᵉʸ'ᵈ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᶠᶦʳᵉᵈ ᵐᵉ ᶦᶠ ᵗʰᵉʸ ᶠᵒᵘⁿᵈ ᵒᵘᵗ ᴵ'ᵐ ᵗʳᵃⁿˢ ᵃⁿʸʷᵃʸ. ʸᵉᵃʰ. ᴼⁿᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵒˢᵉ ʰᵉˡˡᶻᵒⁿᵉˢ.] I'm thankful anyhow, so very much so, for those following this blog, following ALL my blogs, character driven ones or not- I'm so thankful. My body gives me pain most days, but... I'm glad I'm still here. I'm trying to turn things back around for myself and just be alive again. Do fun things. Make people smile. Create. Find joy IN creation. So hey. Let's get N's blog going again, how about that? I'd like to that, and I'd think other's would too. I'll hold on to some of the asks that are still in the inbox and still answer them too, but if you'd like to send him anything, I think I'll just redo him an intro post like I did for @grimsleys-gambit - clean up some old stuff here and there, and we'll start him up again from there before I start kicking off any plot on his blog.

[felikatze]

Feli's Binding Blade Blind Faux Ironman is COMPLETE

and by "faux" i mean there were cases i didn't deliberatley reset but instead ragequit and i also just restarted chapters when roy beefed it because i'm a pussy

anyway.

SURVIVAL RANK E BABEYYYYYYYYYY

out of all of the dead. i have one burning question

how the fuck did lalum survive chapter 21

she got surrounded by wyverns but they just didnt attack her. was it bcuz their hit rate was 0? but enemies love attacking lugh when they have a hitrate of 0. good for her ig, you go girl, live!!

LET US THANK THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND:

ALLEN!!! With maxed out attack, incredible defense, high speed and skill, as well acess to the full weapon triangle and amazing HP, Allen is the unit with the most battles, the most kills, and the singlehanded savior of this shitshow of a challenge run.

Without him, I'd be dead many times over. He had higher stats than Perceval when I recruited him in ch15, and this trend kept up because Perceval's level ups were garbage.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

LUGH!! The best mage of this run. He maxed his speed INCREDIBLY fast, and became basically unhittable to everything. Place him on a forest tile, and the hit rate is zero. His high speed, 1-2 weapon range, and high magic also meant he blasted everything into oblivion on counterattack. In chapter 21, he held off half the wyvern reinforcements all by himself cuz none of them could touch him. Get Aircalibur'd, idiot.

ZEISS!! My only decent flyer because Shanna is the only pegasus i recruited! Instead of promo'ing instantly as I did Melady (much to my regret cuz she was not useful except for ferrying), I threw Allen at Narcian's runesword till it broke, and got him to lv16 before promoting. Though not as busted as the former two, he still held his own. With a Shield of Delphi stolen off Narcian, he had really damn good defense. Though there were many occasions he only survived because a 60% attack missed. You are one lucky bastard.

PERCEVAL!!! After the death of Noah and Jerrot, Perceval's recruitment was a light on the horizon. Finally I had another good paladin, even if it took Noah's sacrifice to figure out you recruit him with Lalum. Though he wasn't as good as Allen, he still held his own in every situation, and even landed the killing blow on Zephiel with Mallet. Thank you king.

SUE!!!! Rounding out the unbeatable death squad, Sue was the sole living archer for a GOOD chunk of the game. When Wolt died and later Shin, she was the one to snipe foes, to slay wyverns in a heartbeat, and land some sick crits with a Killer Bow. Not a solo destroyer like her companions, she was nonetheless an invaluable asset.

it was this squad of five that carried my ass through every map, with support from various healers (mainly Saul and Celica, later joined by Raigh, Niime and Lugh himself). Whittling down bosses, holding off hordes of enemies, somehow preventing Lalum from dying five times over, and finally taking the throne; I thank ye, my scrimblos.

now it is time. to honor the fallen.

unlike lalum, these two did not survive same turn wyvern reinforcements <3

just like him. but he was dead weight anyway so

i dont even remember how these two beefed it. i DO remember recruiting perceval in ch15 and then noah died and going eh. i have perceval now its fine. OH YEAH CH18 WAS THE SACAE MAP RIGHT? lot got skewered by archers

classic case of "i put too much faith in her def stat" with echidna. fir got crit to death in retribution for killing rutger back in ch9

honestly if you give me a lv1 shaman in a fog of war map with wyverns how was she supposed to live

Shin tragically died escorting Astore to some treasure as i camped the boss because of sudden reinforcements <3 Astore survived because i seized in time <3 jerrot died of old age ig

fog of war casualties <3 again rutger got crit by fir and lilina was killed by Suddenly Pirates

alas tumblr mobile's image cap.

Deke: died tragically to a crit in ch8. first loss i was truly upset by. deke my man.

Wolt: died to archers in ch7. i think. i had Sue so whatever

Elen: beefed it in ch12 but she was obsolete when Lugh promoted anyway

Wade: killed in ch3. First death of the run. I was very whatever about it.

FINAL DEATH COUNT: 16

This is without units who died of non-recruitment, such as Gonzales, Klein, and many others.

SURVIVAL RANK: E

conclusion: god i had a ton of fun with this game, even when it threw some garbage at me. The many same turn reinforcements, the fog of war maps, the sheer size of every single chapter, and Horse Emblem. The atrocious hitrates on everything and everyone, enemy and ally alike.

I definetly played too conservatively in the beginning. Yeah, i treated units like they were more expendable, but i did NOT use all my good items, which is a huge mistake in retrospect. What really taught me this was that one Sacae map with two Bolting mages camping in the walls, who sniped Roy. I came back, equipped with my own Bolting and a Silence staff, readily prepared. Revenge was glorious.

I obviously didn't get the true ending, with how many plot important characters died. My only legendary weapon, besides the ones Yoder yeets at you (thank you for the Mallet, Zephiel would've taken five years otherwise), was Durandal. I got none of the other ones, either cuz I missed turn counts or had dead required units. I'll for sure go back and try again, this time while looking shit up.

I very notably played this entirely blind. I didn't know shit. That's how me recruiting Perceval is a fucking miracle, cuz his goons surrounded Lalum, and I thought, goddamn, let's try it. Twas sheer coincidence.

This was my first brush truly experiencing the permadeath mechanic. Yeah, i played SoV on classic, but with Mila's Timewheel? Nobody ever died. It was really fun to just revel in my mistakes. I reset more often toward the endgame (ch22 took me a couple attempts), but it was still a great experience to just. Take the loss and move on. To think, what now? But, well, Lugh and Allen were unkillable anyway.

Well, no, actually, they very much were. Even though they were my juggernauts, it's not to the degree of later FE games. Lugh sweeping is definetly not comparable to say, Dimitri in FE3H, or Morgan in Awakening. No matter how good they were, I still had to pay attention to keep them alive. It was a fun tightrope to walk.

All in all, great game! I'm really glad I gave it a try! I didn't talk story much, cuz, yknow, it's pretty basic, but I did like it. Zephiel's backstory and the mystery surrounding the dragons were done well enough.

TL;DR: Roy is our boy.

[fizzingwizard]

Was curious how many of the Sims 4 bugs on this list I've encountered… it's a lot

Part One because I guess this is too many bugs even for tumblr hahaha

Jumpy Animations/Sims teleport - since a long time ago but worse now Routing/Sit down issue on several interactions - love to watch my sims wander around like ants looking for somewhere to sit with a chair right in front of them. especially love when I tell me sim to go play a game at the card table in the same room, and instead they go outside, walk around the entire house, come back in and then sit at the table. guess they just felt like a walk first lol Music from other modes Plays During Live Mode - yup and usually overlapping. fix with restart but it often happens in CAS where you lose all your stuff if you quit… Lag for menu to show up when clicking on objects - especially the fridge/oven!!!! Sims keep moving after paused Sims do DU homework under laptops - not just DU tho I get this for anything that can be done at a table, including eating, and sometimes it's not even a portable laptop but a computer Sim won't accept queued commands/ Sims don't do actions - this was supposedly "console" but as a non-console player I know it happens to the rest of us too. also to most of us Lots with manipulated terrain look realistic/strange in world view - idk if this is a bug, i think probably that's just how it appears. but it is weird Fishing Identification for active Sim with no fishing skill - I think this one has been around since base game. Sims 4 really wants everyone to love fishing. I'll be like. mourning the death of Sim Grandpa. And all of a sudden 6-year-old Sim Grandson will "identify the Perch!" Multiple daily calls for sim to switch careers - CONSTANTLY. EVEN WITH PHONE ON SILENT MODE! Excessive use of Cross Stitch Basket - yep. I get it the worst with cross stitch, but I find it annoying that other hobbies which cost money like knitting and painting are autonomous as well. Either there should be a "practice" object which is the default and is free or this stuff shouldn't be autonomous. Food too tbh… I have tried playing rags to riches before, and one reason I gave up was just this - it was so hard to keep control of finances because sims have no concept of saving pennies lol Railings Clipping Through Walls - hate this so ugly Multi-story columns misaligned Foundation becomes see-through Sim Gets Fear of the Dark After Being Cured - all the fears and wants sucked. they're boring, curing then is boring, they have little impact except just ruining your sims day, and YEAH, they come back after being cured!! best to turn it off just like neighborhood stories Constantly dirty surroundings moodlet from Pressure Cooker and Kettle - I'm not 100% sure I've got this one, I will check the next time I play. However I've had multiple issues with these objects: sims constantly cooking with them when their queue is empty, and constant fires originating with them. Lately my sims was complaining her kitchen was dirty but I could not find anything dirty. She's a Neat sim, but even after having her clean everything, and then going into build mode and moving stuff to look for plates that might have gotten stuck under objects and are hard to see, the room still registered as dirty. I'm thinking it was the pressure cooker or kettle, or maybe even pizza oven which she also has Upgraded beds give two contradictory moodlets - yup spend hours upgrading your bed and the sims like "what a bad sleep!" Sims on home lot don't take care of needs when active sims away - yeah two sims in my house recently almost starved bc of this NPCs take food ordered by active Sim - yup! again ruining my rages to riches haha No evolve option (ready to evolve) - yes and yes I've checked that the plants are in season. Also having major issues with other gardening things especially on community lots Very High Household Bills While On Vacation Campfire causes too many fires - really frustrating for me bc I use the campfire a lot. I absolutely love camping gameplay but between constant fires and thunderstorms where you're 100% guaranteed to get electrocuted (9_9) it really sucks

[litchizzle]

12.29.22

HELLO I GOT A NEW MECHANICAL KEYBOARD

And I am typing on it bc it feels nice :) When I was trying to think of somewhere where I could type a lot of stream of conscious bullshit I thought of tumblr :) :)

I do sometimes wish I had kept up with posting on here more often so I could get a full account of my life up to now, but... there are too many places to do reflections these days and it takes a lot for me to keep up with them. Plus it’s not like my posts on tumblr ever were a good representation of my life - it was just a place to rant and word barf and write back in the day when writing perhaps meant more to me (and I was a dramatic little shit)

I did just read a post in my drafts from midway through 2021 and I seemed a little lost about what to do with my life/career and it scared me a little bc I resonated too much with that, and it’s been 1.5 years and like I haven’t figured my shit out????

But I KNOW I KNOW I have actually come a long way. This year I think I figured out a path career-wise and have started carving my way forward - slowly but surely. I also picked up some hobbies again since then. Crazy to think that it happened this year because now it feels like I (should) have always been doing this. But I started painting and making art again, and just doing more creative hobbies in general. I think I always scattered a few creative activities here and there (maybe more graphic design related things in 2020/2021 though), but I had neglected the more tactile drawing/painting that always brought me a lot of joy. So I’m glad I pushed myself to start taking art classes this year, which definitely helped me restart the hobby again.

I also rebooted a lot of health/mental health related habits again - exercising regularly, meditating, reading. I’m getting better at being disciplined at those things. It’s almost weird to think of times when these things weren’t built into my habits. So yay progress!

AND this year did start to feel like the pandemic was lifted off our shoulders a bit more for me. I went out a lot more (especially in the summer) - met new people, tried to looked for new activities to do and ways to explore the city. I have lived in Boston for two years now and this year I really felt like I was getting to know it better finally - which felt really really nice !!! And it feels a lot more like home. We also moved to a new apartment. It feels a lot homier and happier than our old place. Perhaps I was starting to feel a little stale being in that old apartment all the time though, considering that was like my “pandemic apartment” and I was there literally all the time...

I did not intend for this post to turn into a yearly reflection thing, but TIS that season after all. 2022 started out pretty rough (it was a bad winter) but I think I grew a lot from that dark time LOL. There were a lot of negative thoughts that pushed me forward to do more things and try more things. I would say that I tried to embody “growth” as much as I could this year - with baby steps because you have to start somewhere. And a baby step is better than no step. 

I am looking forward to 2023, not just because 23 is a special number to me (lmao) but also that I feel surprisingly in a good place right now and ready to take a bigger step. And I trust that I have the tools and the strength to go forward!!! I think this past year (or even two) has been a lot about resetting and gaining those tools again, after a weirdly destructive 2020. (Well I don’t think 2020 destroyed me that much but it put me in a weird place in terms of life and goals) (I felt really lost about my focus and values, in a way where I wasn’t really thinking about those things - I was more carefree perhaps) But I somehow feel more confident now about where I am and where I want to go - even if it’s not super clear, I know what I want to TRY at least. I know I want to keep doing things that make me happy and pushing myself to grow.

I will detail more specific goals later of course, but a general theme I have been thinking about is “intentionality”. I often feel like I am water, I go with the flow more than I should. This used to be a personality trait I held proudly, but I know now that it’s not always a good thing. If you flow too swiftly sometimes things pass you by. And sometimes you get no shit done LOL. I feel like I often go with the flow so often that when I think about where I am in life, I wonder how much of it was because of my own doing. It’s that whole “do I have free will” debate, but amplified in my brain because I’m SUCH a passive person. So much of my life has just been saying “yes” to the right thing at the right time - which I don’t discount, I think it’s great where it’s taken me - but it makes me feel..... like I don’t have control and take charge enough. Even for small things. 

Which is not even true, bc I do take charge of small things ok - I wouldn’t be surviving here if I didn’t. But I’m just a VERY externally motivated person, a lot of my decisions are influenced by others (or done for others) OR my actions are triggered because of something someone else did. Which is fine, individuality is a myth and we’re just combinations of the people and things around us BUT

I want to at least be more conscious about the above, and how they relate to my decisions and actions. I want to actually act on the ideas I have of “oh I would like to do this” instead of waiting to see what other people want to do. AND I want to be intentional about the things I do, truly think about whether I want to do something or if I’m just “going with the flow”. I want to be more proactive, less reactive. I want to initiate plans more (I think I’ve been getting better at doing this) When I make plans for myself, I want to be more willing to follow through with them. 

That is the gist of it. I think it correlates to just being more aware of your own actions and surroundings. (Which is something meditation taught me!) I don’t want to be living in a vacuum/matrix/haze or whatever you call it. In general I have been moving away from this but next year I want to put more effort into this mindset. Bias for action as they call it :^)

Anyways this has been a lot. Happy Holidays

[lordsothofsithicus]

Though I am quite late chiming in here (My computer logged me out of tumblr some time ago and I forgot my password and then got very... lazy) there are aspects of the 5E book I do not care for.

One - the explicit statement that darklords are irredeemable. I understand the logic behind this; this isn't 'Wicked', the villains aren't secretly the heroes of the story.

In my campaign for instance, Azalin wasn't interested in redemption at all; but he had found out the origin of the Demiplanes of Dread and the Dark Powers. They were Vestiges; it was an aborted attempt to create a world by a clique of Gods at the end of the war with the Primordials that would've occluded the flow of positive and negative energy between the Prime Material and Outer Planes, done so they could drink their fill of souls. Strahd's ultimate plan was to restart the "Machine" and finish the World of Dread; he would've been the Vampire God of a Vampire World.

Azalin after finally figuring this out and getting over how Strahd had played him - said 'Absolutely Not' to all of this and performed the Great Abdication and escaped Darkon as Firan, only to find that his powers were beginning to fail him.

He didn't care anymore, he just needed to keep them long enough to kill Strahd - the last loose end was making sure Irik got home. So he pulled a group of adventurers from Oerth into the mists.

Eventually they took Irik's body back to Knurl and spoke with the current ruler, Lord Dunstan who showed them the Living Wall in the dungeon that had formed after Azalin Immured the rebel leader who seduced Irik - and explained "Everything I know about Firan Zal'Honan tells me he was a terrifying old tyrant but the Knurlites see a line of fortifications he built in Blemu that's turned back Orcs and Gnolls for two hundred years; say what you will about him, but you'd have to be a ruthless man to pacify a place like the Bone March and Zal'Honan came closer than anyone. Nobody here remembers the tyrrany, just that things got worse after he vanished'.

If I had been writing this as a novel, he would have reluctantly ascended as the God of Dread at the end, a job he very much did not want - at least in my own head Azalin views the cosmic shackles of divinity as abhorrent, especially if he's shackled to a place he despises with every fiber of his being. The PCs let him off the hook and took the job themselves though.

Firan accepted that Hell was his due in the end... and then was spared when Irik intervened and asked the newly-ascended PCs to show mercy.

"He tried to do his duty, even when he hated it; even when it made him cruel. Even when it broke his heart. I see him for what he is, and I love him anyway, and now at the end of all things, I beg you for mercy; he's suffered enough." - Irik

"What an epitaph." - Azalin

Anyway this is turning into a whole noel itself. Anyway, redemption is a funny thing; seeking it at all involves a level of self-reflection that pretty much every Darklord lacks. Many of the 5E darklords had their stories simplified, and usually in the right places, so overall it was an improvement - though the revisions I liked least involved Ankhtepot; in this case I understood the motivation of trying to de Lon Cheney him but without some adjustment the 5E depiction of him lacks weight, terror if you will. I prefered the "Stone Prophet" Ankhtepot where you spend the whole game trying to wake him up and when you finally manage it there's no confrontation, you just have to run for your life.

When he was chasing the PCs in his chariot pulled by skeletal sphinxes that kicked up a sandstorm behind it that turned into his enraged face... that caused plenty of terror though.

Though the real star of the campaign was Skeever; nobody knew if he was loyal to Firan or loyal to Hell; at one point when someone asked him who he really served he just shrugged and said "A bartender in Sigil once asked me "What can change the nature of a man" and I've been thinkin' about that a lot."

At the end of the campaign he made a play to get Azalin installed as the God of Dread (much to Azalin's horror). He just shrugged and said "Our contract said I would be your dutiful servant and agent of your best interests, boss. It never said you had to LIKE it."

After it was all said and done he decided maybe he'd go tend bar in Sigil for awhile.

...I had a point here but I think I totally lost it. And I spent enough time writing this, I'm not going to scrap it

Damn

Hi, love the darklord reviews!! I was wondering, in your time researching darklords are there any 5e versions you prefer to their 2e/3e versions, or vice versa?

Well, after letting this question sit with me for a few days, I will do my best to answer it as honestly as possible.

First, to understand where I am coming from, I have been a fan of Ravenloft ever since I purchased the first Ravenloft adventure ever written, which was released in 1983. The adventure featured an invitation to dinner at Castle Ravenloft. If you’ve played any version of Strahd’s story, you’ll find it hasn’t changed much since its first release – the vampire’s story has always revolved around a Tarokka reading, a beautiful redhead, and a curse. Not the same can be said about many of the other Darklords that have been featured in Ravenloft and most recently within Van Richten’s Guide to Ravenloft.

Some definitely needed to be changed to appeal to a modern audience. For example, the sheer amount of female Darklords in the old material that were obsessed with being attractive has always been a bit eye rolling. That said, let’s move on to your question.

I mostly prefer the older material as there is far more information provided about almost every Darklord and their history. The older material allows for shades of grey and provides indepth personas and histories for these characters. The new material does a decent job given the limit to a single source book, but misses one of the key features in the Ravenloft setting – that there is beauty in the lands in the Mists and countless innocents worth saving. Instead, it treats everything as a constant source of doom and gloom and the majority of the citizens within as ‘soulless’. To me, that does not give the player characters much in the way of incentive to help these unfortunates.

The most obvious one I prefer in the older material is Azalin. In 5e, Azalin was chucked out of his Domain and gets a 3 sentence write up that is inaccurate at best. This surprised me given his cameo in Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything.  There are some intriguing possibilities with Firan Zal’honan as a Mist Walker, but we are still given nothing about his history. I remember in 2e they chucked Azalin out of Darkon and the fans were more than a little upset about it, which resulted in his return in 3e. Strange that they did that again.

I also prefer the Three Hags from Tepest from the older material. 5e didn’t change their story at all but for some reason only made one of the three hags the Darklord. In my opinion, they are far more interesting as a group.

Then there’s Harkon Lukas. Harkon’s story in 5e is actually a little better – a failed musician always changing in attempts to win fame is a more suitable curse for him than a guy that really wants to rule but his Domain is more about Democracy (well, if you can call musical talent shows in place of elections as a Democracy). However, I dislike that they made him into a loup garou instead of a wolfwere and they took away his monocle. Loup garous are just another type of werewolf in 5e. In past editions they were men who magically imbued the skin of a wolf with dark magic and transformed into wolves or hybrid wolves by donning the skin. They could also transform others into werewolves with their bite. Wolfweres despise both werewolves and loup garous. They are wolves that can turn into men. Harkon’s whole theme was a monster pretending to be a person and thoroughly misunderstanding what makes one human. In past editions Harkon was gender fluid – they could take the form of any gender and did so quite regularly. I just think he's far more interesting as a gender fluid wolfwere that loves wearing monocles.

As for those I prefer more? Mostly this amounts to those Darklords they did complete overalls on and I actually wish they had just created entirely new Darklords and Domains for them instead of replaceing the old versions entirely. This include Hazlan (who is a lot more like 3e Azalin, actually), Saidra d’Honaire, Tsien Chiang, and Ramya Vasavadan.

Saidra d’Honaire took the place of Dominic d’Honaire, but her story is completely different. In 5e we have an evil Cinderella story and with Dominic you had a city of mind-controlled puppets. I would have preferred if they had just given Saidra an entirely new Domain.

Tsien Chiang is a bit more interesting in 5e, but I do miss her keep made entirely of bones of the men that had wronged her because honestly that was pretty badass.

Ramya Vasavadan is a new Darklord as is her Domain (though it appears to be a mash up of the Verdurous Lands). Ramya is interesting as her past isn’t overly horrendous, but she clearly has the potential for great evil. The land of Kalakeri is a great addition to Ravenloft and offers something entirely different from past editions for players to explore.

I also enjoy Viktra Mordenheim in Lamordia. I think she’s one of the new Darklords that you read and think “why yes, this individual is completely evil’. However, I do not think she’s ‘better’ than Lamordia’s previous Darklord – Adam. Adam was the creation of Victor Mordenheim. Essentially, Lamordia was Ravenloft’s take on Frankenstein, except in Ravenloft both the Doctor and his creation are the monster. So, running Lamordia depends on if you want to lean into the classic Frankenstein of the older material or the steam punk horror of the newer material. I think both work well.

Lastly and though she is not a Darklord, Lyssa von Zarovich was horribly done in 5e. As were any of the previous characters that had their own backstory and were reduced to ‘potential Tatyana reincarnation’. But Lyssa in particular. Lyssa is a relative of Strahd’s, so the whole her being a reincarnation of his lustful obsession is more than a little disturbing. Besides that, she is also known for her work with the Illithids of Bluetspur, the creation of vampiric mind flayers, her work on the Apparatus, and her constant plans to destroy her grand uncle. She would have made a great Mist Walker. She made a pact with the Dark Powers to become a vampire, then tricked the ghost of her dead fiancé into using his ‘frightening vintage’ on her so she would age and become more powerful as a vampire.

[darkdevasofdestruction]

An Angel and A Demon ~ Pyramid Head x Reader

Update 2: My laptop restarted when I was in the middle of writing this, and trust me when I say it, I am positively pissed off, and I want to end my days, that's how bad of a day this was.

And I didn't leave the house.

That says a lot about today...

Update 1: But, without further ado, I was half-way writing this story, and I received this ask, and let me tell you...

helloooo, i absolutely adored the fanfics you wrote about kazan and danny🥺 could i request one where pyramid head is just really whipped for and in love with the survivor! reader but he doesnt know how to announce it to them so he brings her random ,,gifts" in and outside the trials and protecting her bc well, im pretty sure he cant speak so he doesnt really have any other options on how to express his feelings??

I live for it.

Bless you for sending me this, it's the reason I'm still sane right now.

I love you, baby-cakes.

Update 3: I want to kill myself so bad. Just smash my head on a wall until it explodes or sth. I was so happy with how this imagine turned out, only fuck fucking tumblr to just fucking delete EVERYTHING just as I was about to put the last gif and hit POST NOW.

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For the 5th time writing this :

FUCKMEDADDY - but this time - FUCKMYBRAINSOUTPLEASEIWANNADIE

Thanks.

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Hell - What was that place, anyway?

Some would describe it as an infinite ocean of flames and lava, where it's eternally melting-hot, and a bunch of hooved, horned, tailed red demons torture you with acid, with their red pitch forks, or boil you alive in their cauldron for soup. Or maybe you just get tortured by Stalin, who knows?

But never would have anyone thought that 'Hell' could look so...Normal. Well, normal in a very demolished, desolate, ravished way, but still...Normal, by human standards. Albeit, the never-ending loop of madness, anguish, agony and desperation of getting killed in different gruesome ways or fleeing for their lives and feeling a myriad of emotions pumping adrenaline through their veins so badly that their anxiety-meter skyrocketed to abnormal levels.

All this darkness, this hatred, this...Everything...It changed all the survivors. They became selfish, stubborn, rude, some even went as far as to sacrifice their fellow survivors in trials, just so they could survive. It was a complete mayhem that defied all kinds of reason, normality, morality or even ethics. Everyone became devoid of any laws that used to bind them to their humane sides, and now, you weren't sure if the killers were saner than the survivors or not.

But even in this abyss where you couldn't even see your hand in front of your very eyes, there was a little star - A beautiful angel radiating brightness and warmth, someone who was somehow able to guide everyone's straying souls with her benevolence.

In reality, she was merely a survivor, not the little lantern from an angler fish's head, but she treated everyone with such an untainted kindness...It was beautiful, and yet, unrequited for most parts. Everyone was still putting their own lives above all - And who could condemn them? - Perhaps their cowardice, for the girl preferred to save her fellow survivors as much as possible, even if that oftentimes assured her place on the hook, to be a sacrificial lamb for the Entity.

On the other hand, she rarely ended up on the hook - Most killers prefer to kill her themselves, instead of letting her become pray for the horrible Entity who tortured so many of them for refusing to cooperate - The Trapper, Evan MacMillan - He knew the best, with those hooks digging into his flesh, impossible to extract. He was the first to protect this girl. It wasn't much, but if he had to, he'd rather give her a swift, painless death, than seeing her without that serene, angelic smile on her face, as the Entity feeds on the last bits of her soul's beauty, the last parts of her humanity.

The other Killers were confused at the Trapper's actions, but little by little, they began to understand why this girl was so precious and special - And this domino effect hit Rin Yamaoka next, with Y/N stopping in the middle of a chase and taking off her jacket, just as Rin was about to butcher her with her katana, and she smiled, extending it to her. 'You must be cold' she said, realising that the Spirit was merely wearing a few bandages, not even her school uniform, or her kimono.

The ghost girl was shaken up by this, and told the others at the killer camp, but they just shrugged it off - Rin was a little girl who faced close to no kindness, they weren't surprised she was so taken aback by such a feat. That is, until Adiris, in a particularly terrible day, when everyone at the camp was staying away from her, as her profane censer wasn't able to cover the stench of rotting flesh - Y/N came over, taking out a small yet elegant glass bottle with pink liquid on it, spraying some on her - And now, The Plague smelled of roses and vanilla - 'You can come to me for perfume whenever you want, I always carry some with me!' she grinned at the Babylonian High Priestess, before leaving back to the survivor's camp site, leaving the ancient God symbol to stare with her mouth agape at the girl.

These words began to spread, and it was no surprise when the killers saw Susie clinging and begging her Legion friends to spare Y/N, for she was there to hug away her worries more than once, to tell her sweet words, to play with her hair and play the guitar whatever songs she wanted to hear, to get reminded of her home - She was so home sick that she freaked out, but now she was better, thanks to Y/N - 'I know you miss home, but sometimes, home is where your best friends are, and all three of them are here!' she tried to encourage the cute pink-haired girl who could only squeal and hug her new friend.

Even Ghostface wasn't exempt from falling to her charms, and they would often take silly selfies and mess around, making fun of the old horror movie tropes and doing lots of puns and pranks - So much that she even got his trust to be told about the Danny/Jed thing, and how he began his killer profession - 'You're a very talented photographer, Danny! You deserved all that recognition you got, both as a journalist, and as a killer!'

And very soon, Y/N found herself in the crushing arms of an overprotective Anna, humming her mother's lullaby together with walking through the forest, Y/N making flower crows for all the female killers at the camp site, and little by little, she somehow managed to worm her way under everyone's skins.

Y/N was the survivor with the highest survivability percentage, and maybe the Entity sometimes got pissed off, but at least she still got killed sometimes, so who cares? Well, that was soon to change as soon as a new Killer was added to this sick game - Pyramid Head, the terror of Silent Hill, as Cheryl, the new Survivor, called him - or The Executioner, as he was known now. He was ruthless, merciless, grotesque - He had his own criteria of killing, his own moral compass, ethics, conscience and understanding of the concept of life and death. Nothing that could compare to the visions of humans, clearly - Everything was gravitating around Divine Retribution and Justice, but the from the outside, he was nothing but a killing machine.

He would kill everyone and anyone that crosses his path, without fail.

Y/N felt like her fortune ended completely the second she found herself in the new, overly cramped map, with Pyramid Head as the killer - She couldn't help but run around like a spazzic meerkat, trying to find and fix as many generators as possible, without having to get face to face with the walking hazard...

Only to run past a stuck Pyramid Head.

Slowly backtracing her steps, she saw the mountain of a man with his metal pyramid stuck in the frames a low window which he tried to walk over. He was trashing like a raged bull trying to attack a matador, but it was clear he was getting nowhere with this.

"H-Hey, u-uhm...Need some help?" she asked in a soft, careful voice, almost like a meek cat trying to test the waters, but in return, he started groaning even louder from the wrath he wanted to unleash upon the whole world. "Okay, uhm...I think I saw a can of vaseline in one of the chests around. I'll go fetch it and I'll come back for you. Don't move." she said, only to then realise how horrible that sounded, considering the situation, and it only seemed to anger the killer. "...I'm sorry, ignore me, I'm an idiot." she slapped herself pretty harshly before bolting out of there trying to find the chest.

However, Y/N cursed herself for not having perfectly memorised the whole map by heart already, since she found the vaseline can after the 3rd chest, and then, it took quite a while to find the bloody window that got the killer stuck - And by the time she got there, she was dead tired. "Okay, I'm here, I found the vaseline! Let's try to get you out of here." Y/N muttered as she put her feet on the low window pane to get to his level. "If it's not too much trouble, could you please hold onto me? I can't balance myself with both hands occupied, and I'd rather not fall." she explained as she opened the vaseline can, only to shiver as she felt two big, strong hands getting a firm grip on her hips. It was almost...Endearing, were she not too busy trying to get the killer unstuck. She kept massaging the metal edge, trying to push and pull, also praying to whatever deity that existed in her human world that she had her tetanus shot done on time - Until finally, she was able to get hear a loud screech, like a pop, and the killer got unstuck, and in the process, he stumbled backwards, while Y/N fell down on her butt.

"Ouchie..." she muttered, rubbing her back and sides to take away the pain surging through her body. "Are you okay?" she asked, almost intuitively, without realising it at first, until she heart a low grunt that brought her back to reality. "O-Oh...! You have glass shards stuck in your side! And you're bleeding too! Hold up, let me help." she hurried to his side, while the killer merely stiffened, feeling her delicate, slender fingers tracing his body, while he heaved and slouched his shoulders from the repressed wrath. "It may sting a bit, and I'm really sorry, but I promise it will be better soon." her voice was so motherly and warm, which also resonated in her actions, as she gingerly took a water bottle and imbued some tissues with it, to wipe away the blood smearing down his skin as she extracted the glass shards, and then..."This is grandma's marigold ointment. It's really good, and it smells nice." she explained as she carefully smeared a thick layer of the yellow ointment on the biggest wounds, while the little ones were covered by smiley-flower patterned plasters. They were cute, and colourful, and they never failed to make her smile. "Okay, there we go, all better! I hope you'll feel better very soon!" her voice got a tiny bit more cheerful and upbeat.

It made the Killer think about a trillion things, as he stepped in front of her, towering over her like the Empire states building next to a smiling pomeranian. What was with this girl? Why did she help a killer? And why did he feel so...Warm inside? He could sense a foreign kind of luminosity, a naivite and innocence that he only witnessed in children and animals. This woman in front of him was untainted by the darkness and evil of the world.

It didn't matter how many hardships she's been through, or how much sadness she had to endure - Her soul remained as pure as any snowdrop, as the first snow of winter, as the fleece of a baby lamb who let out its first 'meeeeh' to its mamma sheep.

He couldn't allow this human to be maimed in any way - Not by the world, not by the Entity, and certainly not by him. - Screw the Entity, Pyramind Head kills by his own rules, and now, he was blessed to be faced with a human who bore no real hatred for her peers, or for the world, despite the horrible situation she was thrown into.

He didn't understand, obviously, especially as he remembered the myriad of abominations that lurked through Silent Hill, all of them created by the torment of humans - The very torment that distorted their own reality, which resulted in him needing to solve the purpose as The Executioner - Eradicating the world of all evil.

"Th-This sword is so heavy...H-How can you carry this around like that...?! Your muscles must be so strained and sore...Y-You really need a massage, I'm sure." she stuttered as she tried to lift the much taller and heavier sword from the ground, only for the brute to simply bend and pick it up with extreme ease, putting the girl to shame with her complete lack of strength. "Hehe...You're really strong. I'm embarrassed now." she chuckled softly, scratching the back of her neck.

Before she could leave or do anything else, Pyramid Head picked her up by the throat, careful not to hurt her or restrict her air intake - I mean, how else was he supposed to carry her so he wouldn't hurt her with his metal head or sword? - and it was pretty clear she didn't feel any malevolence from him, as she clinged on his forearm, trying to keep herself up, only to be dumped on top of the hatch, as the killer pointed towards it, so she would leave.

"O-Oh...! Thank you so much! You're really kind! I really appreciate this...I-I know it probably doesn't matter much to you, since you'll be doing this over and over again with all the survivors...But I really appreciate you for your kind gesture, and I appreciate you for being so nice with me. Thank you. Take care!" her dazzling smile lit the whole place up, but he couldn't talk, nor could he tell her how he should be the one thanking her for showing him that, despite the hundreds and thousands of years he had to roam the 'Earth' and execute the injust, miracles still existed.

As soon as she reached the survivor's camp, everyone cheered for her, asking how in the world could she have escaped the wrath of the butcher. "Oh, but he wasn't that bad. In fact, he's much more humane than I anticipated! I think he has a beautiful, blooming heart!" okay, she's lost it - the other survivors thought - but even so, she's always been a bit...Out of it, so who cares?

It took quite a while for the other three survivors to reach the camp, all bloody, in fact, like the new killer, who dragged himself with the same menace to the Killers' camp. "How the hell did you manage to survive?!" they yelled at her in utter shock, seeing that she got out of there unscratched. "Oh, you see...I found the hatch." she shrugged simply, not wanting to give away that the person who massacred those three was a soft one and he basically threw her down the hatch to her safety.

As she took a twig to roast a marshmallows, she noticed how Pyramid Head was standing much farther away from the rest of the killers - She knew that silent killers were bound to stay away from the more obnoxious one, remembering how Michael Myers almost killed Ghostface and The Legion at least a dozen times - But this time...He seemed kinda...Lonely? So Y/N took the matters into her own hands, roasted another marshmallow in another twig, and when it was done, she went to the killer's camp, calling out the lonely one's name - She has no idea why, but he actually followed her, pushing her further deep into the forest, until he was sure nobody was going to hear, see or interrupt them...

"Hey. You seemed pretty lonely out there...I thought you could use a friend. Thank you again for what you did at the trial...Here, this is a marshmallow. I don't think you've had many before...Cheryl told me of that horrible place you had to live in...So I hope this will make your day a bit better!" Y/N extended one of her hands towards him, so he could take the marshmallow - And a long, black tongue erupted from underneath the pyramid, snatching away the fluffy marshmallow and gulping it in one go.

What the hell was he turning into?

A towering man built of pure muscle, wrath and divine justice, with a pyramid representing the evil of humanity burdening his body, and a sword taller and heavier than the average human being constantly dragged in one of his hand...He now was a slave to a cute, innocent girl who was putting flower plasters on his minuscule wounds that would heal in a heartbeat regardless - He saved this girl who was now offering his these soft, squishy things that tasted overly sugarly, just like her upbeat and cheerful personality - If he could eat her, he was sure she would taste even sweeter than this - A sickish kind of sweet, that is.

She was indeed a beautiful angel in this tragic hell. But he didn't wait to snatch the second marshmallow either.

"Ah...! You liked it, didn't you? Well...Next time, I promise I'll give you more!" she grinned at him the same way a princess would to her chivalrous knight who saved her. The since he couldn't talk, silence took over them - It wasn't an uncomfortable one, per se, but it made it feel as if the conversation was over. "W-Well...I'll guess I'll see you around! Take care and I hope to see you again soon!" she waved cutely, trying to turn around back to her camp, only to feel a rough hand on her shoulder, turning her around and urging her to stop and wait for him and he went deep into the forest, leaving her alone and undefended by the potential malevolent forces of the forest.

When he returned, however, he stepped right in front of her, creating the perfect shade as he towered over her - Then he kneeled in front of her, so he would reach her eye sight, then he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and put a beautiful pink flower - As pink as the blush that started creeping on her face - He wanted to see her luminous face better, to highlight her dazzling smile and her glimmering eyes as the warm, silver light of the mother moon caressed her face.

Y/N felt her heart picking up the pace - It was beating so much faster than ever before - But this time, it wasn't out of fear or anything negative...It was something good. Something she never felt in her life, especially with her human acquaintances from back home. None was as chivalrous and gentle with her as this butcher of tormented souls - The bringer of justice, the merciless Executioner who was supposed to end the life of every living being that would cross his path.

It was insane how every Yin finds its Yang, even if that comes in the form of a little lamb of a small, frail girl, and a huge abomination of a brute man who knows nothing but death, bloodshed and carnage. It was truly crazy how opposites attract, and here she was, holding the killers large hands and gingerly putting them on her face, leaning into his touch - She felt safer now than ever in her life - Now, in the arms of an ancient killer.

An Angel and A Demon brought together in a perfect union.

As she leaned down, she touched the metal of the pyramid where she anticipated his forehead would be with her own forehead, and closing her eyes, she finally felt herself calming down. There was no need for words, actions spoke louder than anything, and she appreciated it...She appreciated him.

"Thank you." she whispered to him, knowing that yes, even though nobody else would hear it anyway, it was much more intimate than anything she ever experienced.

She was hooked.

Hope you liked my completely shameless pun, I couldn't stop it, especially after the pain I went through trying to write this...3 freaking times.

Yay.

[knightyoomyoui]

TWICE x Reader: “Doughnut”- PART 5

This one-shot will be more different than the others because I tried out a new writing style and introduced a format change. Since I began this series from the third person point of view, I had to continue and end it in the same way, so we'll also return there for a time. Just wanted to let yall know too that the previous Momo x Reader one-shot, "Silent Peach," exceeded Mina x Reader's "The Other Side" one-shot in terms of Tumblr post reactions!

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Previously on "Doughnut" PART 4

“Anyways, uhh Tzuyu called me earlier.", she said. She took a seat on the couch which you did the same to make yourself comfortable.

"What did she say?"

"Just some update about you and even me. That was our first conversation we had since 2 years so we needed it.", she said, making you understand.

"Told her that you also want to talk to her, and she gladly accepted. And I knew it."

"What do you mean?", you once again asked her confusedly.

"I won't say it, but trust me... after what I heard, you'll feel bad for her very much. So please, let her explain herself and listen to her without holding grudges in your heart.", she pleaded for you.

"I won't. That's all I needed, anyways.", you said, shaking your head, making a vow to Chaeyoung that she believed and accepted. She doesn't want to know that her two best friends had reconnected only to have a major fight. She wanted this conversation to be smooth and uncomplicated this time, ignoring what had happened in the past and enlighten what really was behind of it.

You sighed and looked around Chaeyoung's house while having the image of the woman you'll be meeting next after a long time.

"Well then, tell Tzuyu I'll meet her. Name the place and time."

-----------------------------

Right now, you're waiting for someone outside your house. You even had the opportunity to say hello to Mina, your neighbor and childhood friend, when she stepped outside to walk her dog Ray. She sent you off with well wishes after hearing that you were waiting for a ride, and you know she's probably wondering why you need one when you have a car of your own. However, the real reason is that you just feel like going to work today and want to give your car a "break." Because of it, Mina even made fun of you for being a "caring" owner, which made the two of you laugh. Now it has been 30 minutes since you started standing like a lightpost in front of your residence, the time has finally come for some black car to arrive and stop in front of you.

???: "So you're the one, Ms. Chou is talking about?", the unknown man asked you after he rolled the window of his car down. You heard that he mentioned the surname of Tzuyu so immediately guessed that he's Tzuyu's personal driver.

You: "Yes, I'm YN/LN."

"Kwon Soobin. Ms. Chou's butler. Hop in, sir.", He motioned for you to get in the car, which you did. A little while later, he restarted the engine and drove the two of you to Tzuyu's house.

After traversing and turning through a few streets and highways, you and Mr. Kwon have arrived. You two had just entered a large black gate that displayed a magnificent mansion surrounded by a lush landscape.

Mr. Kwon stopped the car in front of the mansion.

Mr. Kwon: "We're now here, sir."

YN: "Thank you." We both hopped off the car and now we are standing right in front of the main  entrance.

YN: "Uhh, should I... go in?" You spoke while appearing disturbed and a little tight because your mind was starting to wander, which was keeping you from doing what you needed to do next.

Mr. Kwon: "Oh, it appears that Ms. Chou isn't inside," he stated as he began to scan the interior of the home with his head cocked back and forth in search of Tzuyu.

Mr. Kwon: "Come, stay in the living room while I call her." You followed his command and both of you started to step inside and walk through the hallway with such a clean surface of the floor, colorful painted wall with some picture frames containing mostly paintings.

You reached what it seems to be the dining room and then took a seat at the fine black leather covered huge couch in front of you as Mr. Kwon remains standing and looked around more.

Mr. Kwon: "Ms. Chou! Your visitor has just arrived! He yelled throughout the area. You two suddenly heard a girlish voice coming from upstairs as it swiftly reacted to Mr. Kwon's shout of search.

Tzuyu: "I'll come in a second, thanks Mr. Kwon!" Her voice still gives these tangled and messy feeling cursing through your nerves. It still sure feels unreal having her presence again after being gone for 2 years after she left you alone, giving you the most painful experience in a relationship out of all the girls you'd love before.

Mr. Kwon: "With all pleasure, Ms. Chou." He took it as a note in his mind. He still stood silently and both of us waited for this woman I'm scheduled to meet today with.

A little while afterwards, Tzuyu headed downstairs. She is dressed in a pink dress that accentuates her body's hourglass shape nicely. She stares at you, the person who is only observing her, with a mixture of emotions on your face.

Mr. Kwon: "Should I prepare a lunch for the two of you, Miss?". he asked Tzuyu who just had her final step downstairs.

Tzuyu: “Ye-” Before she was about to speak, you interrupted her.

YN: "It's fine. I already ate. A glass of juice will be fine already." You said with a small smile as you looked to Mr. Kwon.

Tzuyu: "You heard him, mister. I'll take it too." She then pointed you with her thumb.

Mr. Kwon: "Alright, I'll be heading to the kitchen." He bowed to Tzuyu before walking to the kitchen and leaving the two of us alone here in the living room. The first moment you had being together since years ago.

Tzuyu: "YN... you came." She said with all of her courage as she went a bit closer near to you and stood up inches away from your side.

YN: "Yeah. We needed this anyways." I looked at her with my half forced smile.

Tzuyu: "Again, thanks for accepting my invitation. I was not expecting you will but... I'm glad I made you to do it.", She murmured as she stroked her right arm to help her feel less anxious.

She couldn't help but smile broadly when she finally had the chance to do this after receiving a call from Chaeyoung informing her that you would allow her to speak this time.

YN: "And I hope I won't regret it. I came here, hoping I'm not wasting my time here... so you better be." Your tone became serious as you said all of those to Tzuyu with still your straight face. Tzuyu then became alarmed.

Tzuyu: "I promise, you won't." She stated. She was secretly hoping that what you're going to hear wouldn't convince you to reconsider coming here. She is aware that what she did was difficult to accept and forgive, but right now, all she really wants is for you to comprehend.

A short while later, Mr. Kwon reappears holding two glasses and an orange juice jug. As we started to take some glass to relieve our thirst, we turned to face him with appreciative eyes.

Mr. Kwon: "Enjoy your drinks."

Tzuyu: "Thanks, Mr. Kwon."

Mr. Kwon: "Now go take your time together, I'll be going outside." Mr. Kwon heads outside, leaving the two of you to start their long awaited conversation. You took a sip of the juice first and taste it's sweetness before finally able to start talking.

YN: "Chaeyoung told me I should listen to you, about your reason... which I didn't heard from you completely since you left me." You said to her. Still the sharpness and the small grunts between those words remains whenever you speak about it.  Every time you recalled the event that altered the bond and level of intimacy between the two of you, it caused Tzuyu to observe that you are still maintaining this boiling blood more.

YN: "I didn't want to let you, actually, because the anger and pain I feel whenever I hear your name that brings back what you did to me that night still remains on me." You finally mentioned what Tzuyu is observing from you, making it wrech her heart slightly since she's literally hearing it from you time.

YN:  “Now we're here alone, i'm giving you the freedom to say all what you want for me to understand. And don't worry, I promised to Chaeyoung that I will control myself.” You said, patting your middle chest as your way to point out yourself to her.

Tzuyu: "O-okay..."

YN: "So tell me with all honesty, what really happened that night? Did you really do it?" You prepared to listen intently to this beautiful tall woman with brown hair who was once yours by crossing your arms and leaning back on the couch. Tzuyu chose to sit on the opposite side from you because she could sense your anticipation as you stared at her.

Tzuyu: "I didn't cheated on you, YN. I-it was my parents who made me look like I did it." She slightly avoided your gaze and tilted her head sideways as she said that next sentence.

YN: "Wait, what? How could they do that? You asked her in disbelief, immediately made you furrow your eyebrows and squint your eyes at her in confusion.

YN: "There's no way. Th- they... But, they are- they approve about us-wait what's going on? Tzuyu?"You spoke while making certain gestures that made it clear how astonished and perplexed you were by what Tzuyu had told you. You were simply tapping your forehead or rubbing your temple while gazing in every other direction. Tzuyu: "It was just an act, YN. We thought they support our relationship but I found out that no. They didn't at all." She said,shaking her head as her tone goes lower and lower, showing a glimpse of how much that revelation affected her painfully.

Tzuyu: "It hurts me when they can just say it all too easy that they were just pretending to make me happy even though they only made it worse." She said, her starting to have some cracks. She heaved a huge sigh after.

YN: T-then what did they do? You asked her curiously. You haven't even noticing to yourself that after you listened to her so far, your fists are clenching hard and your teeths are slightly grinding at each other. Then suddenly the image of that moment where you first entered Tzuyu's house and met her parents with all smiles but mixed with nervouness appeared in your mind.

You just can't believed not only did they fooled Tzuyu at that night, but you too.

Tzuyu: “They just unfolded the masks they're wearing that time to me one day. I was in all confusion that time, it's like they're not my parents I'm talking with.” She said as she started to get some flashbacks when she remembered how they said it to her in an instant that they were actually against you for their daughter while she's just staring at them in disbelief, shock and pain.

Tzuyu: "They went straight talked to me about this... plan of theirs for our business, saying that they set me for an arranged marriage."

YN: "Huh?" You looked at her even more intently as you slowly moved yourself away from leaning at the back of the couch to sit and place your both arm on the top of your knees.

Tzuyu: "It was their strategy to built a stronger bond and more successful future between the companies my family and the other one they're friends with. I said no, ofcourse." She said as she even managed to let out a small smile beforr quickly faded away when she looked at you after. Your heart became touched when you learned that Tzuyu somehow tried to be against their will and prefer each other's true love for each other.

Tzuyu: "I can't let that happen when I'm literally in love with you back then. And the way how I look at my parents who are loving, caring and supportive to me all changed in a snap when they said no and even threatened both of us that they will ruin our lives with their power." She said while staring at the expensive purple colored carpet laid beneath her. She remembers how it looked they just compleely changed personality in front of her that up to this day, the parents she once knew never came back then. Her father was pointing at her with all strictness while threatening her aboit you with his deep menacing voice.

YN: "So... what did you do? You said yes?"

Tzuyu: "I'm sorry. I didn't want it at all, I have no other choice YN. I was afraid." She started to get choked in her shsky breaths as the streams of tears finally started to get out of her eyes. You felt sorry instead of being angry about her decision because you can clearly see in her eyes how much she was forced to do what she thinks is not good to follow at all.

Tzuyu: "I can't go with you being miserable. I don't want to be a burden with you." She shook her head while having this crying expression in her face. You gulped hardly as the emotions are starting to get you too.

YN: "What are you saying, Tzu? I was your boyfriend, you know I should do everything for my woman and that's my part." You said to her while she's crying. Your voice is trembling even more.

YN: "You will never gonna be like that to me because every thing I'll do for you will always gonna be worth it because... I'm doing it for the one I love. It's simple as that." You managed to show some softness in your voice as you also started to release the first set of your teardrops flowing down to your cheeks.

YN: "But I can't blame you. You needed to maintain the precious life your family was giving to you. Who am I to reject it too, I was only loving you... but they're the one who raised you. You heaved a sigh.

YN: "So what happened next?"

Tzuyu: "After I accept, they were about happy about it. Ofcourse, they don't care if I'm against it, they were just thinking about their selves after all. I met the son of the family they're friends with, where they set me up to be his girlfriend and future wife.” Although she was hesitant to tell you about her first meeting with the man who would become her fiancé because she feared it would offend you further, she had to do it for the sake of the truth. As for you, your heart is suddenly filled with the bittersweet emotion she had imagined. Her thoughts had come true. When Tzuyu mentioned that she fought for the two of you, your heart grew fonder. However, as soon as she revealed that her controlling parents helped her find the "selected and rightful" lover to be with, your heart began to weaken.

Tzuyu: "That's the start where I stopped meeting you because they won't let me anymore... but still, myself who's deeply in love with you still tried to go and say goodbye to you, only for me to end up failing over and over again until they completely had enough of it. I just realized that the more I keep fighting for us, the more I spread us away from each other." She recalled how her mother had smacked her in the face when she had tried to contact you and your pals via her phone in order to learn more about you. Unfortunately, you damaged your phone number at the time and had to replace it when you were devastated to learn that she had moved to the United States with her reported boyfriend.

After that, her father took her phone and deleted all of the contacts with the people Tzuyu had grown close to, including you.

Tzuyu: "We moved to States, along with my fiancé's family. That's the time I finally lost every special person in my life. They started their goal for the company and us, even though I know they're just doing it for the business. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you as what everyone say." Tzuyu recalled the periods when she had to attend every gathering or meeting to discuss a variety of issues related to the future of their business and her position within the company once the marriage had eventually been finalized. Every time she was in those situations, she was itching to plug her ears so she wouldn't have to listen to any of the nonsense or meaningless stuff they said.

Tzuyu: "Even if I'm away back then and when were not together, I still manage to try link us back together where I want to immerse myself in the afterglow of our memories." Before that cruel end you two faced and met that shattered everything for the two of you, you two gazed at each other and then began to reminisce all of the wonderful memories you two had made just for each other. You felt a little bit relieved about it.

Tzuyu: " Then I tried to think of ways to stop this madness I'm living in and reconnect with you again, so I thought of some plans to do so."

YN: "How did you made it back here in Korea?"

Tzuyu: Because of my fiancé, Taehyung. But don't get it wrong, he helped me because we both share the same opinion and plans about what our families doing. You raised your eyebrow at that.

Tzuyu: "I learned that he's not even interested at all too and he doesn't like me because he has someone else with him, but just like me... he had to let him go to protect him."

YN: "Him?" You confusedly asked.

Tzuyu: "Well, Taehyung is actually gay and he has a boyfriend named Jungkook that's why." You formed an "o" shape with that info. Tzuyu relates to your reaction but hers was even more shocking as she gasped when Taehyung said that to her during their conversation. He even showed a picture of them together to show how much he's proud and love him so much while he's introducing Jungkook to her.

YN: "Where is he now? Are you two still close?"

Tzuyu: "Yup, he's living with him as of now. He sometimes visit here to check on me which I do the same."

YN: "Oh okay." With that, your thoughts and impressions about Tzuyu's fiancé who turned out to be her friend Taehyung suddenly changed in a snap. Instead of being irritated and fuming with anger, you even wanted to thank him for helping and supporting Tzuyu about going away from her family whom at once, she looked up into.

YN: "What about your each other's parents?"

Tzuyu: "We have no other option but to finally choose the right thing to do, which is to end our connections with them. They're still arrogant and selfish, and we're tired of dealing with it so with the combined courage of me and Taehyung, we decided to leave them and finally focus on each other's interest again." She recalled the commotion that ensued when she and Taehyung clashed with their families, who were furious with them for trying to terminate their agreements and quit the company permanently.

Tzuyu: "And that leads me back to you, YN. Because I still love you till this day. And right now, at this very moment... I take this opportunity to say the only words I could give for you after everything we've been through. I'm sorry. For everything.” Her whole body is trembling as the tears started to overflow again in her reddish eyes.

Tzuyu: "I hope you can forgive me. I did my best to convince you with the truth you've been wanting to know so please, believe me." You two fell into a silent space. You didn't need to repeat everything Tzuyu said to your mind just to process what you heard from her. You completely understood all and... it was all clear and reasonable. It satisfied you. The longing of seeing and searching for the truth well for you, it finally paid off.

So with that said, you must give her what she deserves after taking this chance bravely just to end your nightmares once and for all.

You stood up and Tzuyu got surprised and shocked when she felt the couch sinked more due to the increased weight. Now you were sitting beside her and without any further breaks, you grabbed her shoulder and pulled her towards you to cuddle. She even lets out a loud sobs in your shoulder as you started to get teared up too.

YN: "I forgive you, Tzu." You breathily said to her. Tzuyu's cries became quite mixed with joy and success when she heard that.

YN: "And I'm sorry too. I should've remained fighting for the two of us back, even if I join and suffer with you. I instead chose to be completely blinded by the lies I received from everyone. Such a shame for me to realize that I was the one who actually let go instead of you, now knowing that after all this time you're still attached to me and I don't. I wasn't the only victim here at all." You said as  you couldn't imagine the additional suffering and deprivation that Tzuyu had to go through in order to reconnect with you and return to your arms, while you, on the other hand, were able to leave her without much thought after being quickly tricked and manipulated by the lies her parents told. You did this because you believed that she had done the same thing through the "cheating" revelation even though, in reality, she had not been caught.

YN: "God, I feel so angry with myself." You started to pull your hair in frustration, but Tzuyu took your hand away and put it back within hers to prevent you from injuring yourself. Your hold on her body tightened, but she didn't feel any pain from it; only safe and securedness.  "I... I thought of you wrong, Tzuyu. I really do. I just let myself blinded by the lies completely and not remained my focus at our love for each other. You know, if I didn't, I could've done everything to find and save you. So, Tzuyu... do you forgive me too?"You asked her to receive the same thing you wanted to know from her after the own fault you shared to her which you were clueless that you don't even need to do those all along.

Tzuyu: "Y-yes... Yes, I do YN." You felt her head move as she nodded. "I m-missed you so much, YN. T-thank you. You don't know how much I needed this so bad... to be with you again." She said in between sobs that despite her tears getting your clothing wet and stained, you continued to soothe her despite this. After, you gave a sweet smile.

YN: "Same, Tzuyu. Welcome back. I missed you, too."Both of you took a moment to savor each other's warm embrace, something you hadn't had in a while, and then you two became silent. Tzuyu quietly freed herself from your arms, satisfied.

Tzuyu: "Sorry if I was hugging you too long." She said, embarrassed.

YN: "Aish, Tzuyu. No need to apologize for that. I'm not complaining at all." Tzuyu shivered at your gestures as you reached into your pocket for a handkerchief and gently cleaned her tear-stained face.

YN: "This closure of us today made us feel really good, isn't it? Our problems that's been haunting our minds for 2 years has finally swept away because of this moment." You said as you keep on erasing all the wetness in her face to slowly regain her fixed look after being ruined by her sobs.

Tzuyu: "And we should thank Chaeyoung really bad for this. She's the one who actually made us link back together." She said, both of you went to chuckle.

YN: "Well, Chaeyoung is our loyal friend. She said she doesn't want this mess to last longer so... yeah. She really did made me want to talk to you." You shrugged.

Tzuyu: "By the way, about what I heard about Chae... are you okay? For sure, your breakup with-"

As soon as you realized she had brought up that subject as your next topic together, you stopped her. You interrupted her and gave her the honest answer to her inquiry since you didn't want to talk about it any longer.

YN: “We're all good now, Tzu. She's with someone else she thinks who's better than me and I'm happy for her.” You gave her a small smile. "Although the way how she ended our relationship still breaks my heart until now. ", and your grin changed into a fake one as you said that.

Tzuyu: "I'm sorry to hear that, YN. But I'm glad you're doing your best to move on.", she gave you a cheerful and sweet smile, expanding her fluffy pinkish cheeks. You appreciated her kind words. "So... uhh, do you mind if we go for a house trip?"

YN: "Oh sure, no problem.", then both of you stood up from the couch and started walking around to roam the insides of Tzuyu's humble abode. "Your place is great by the way. Did you bought these?"

Tzuyu: "Yup but Taehyung contributed a bit. Part of his help which I can't decline anymore cause he hated it.", you let out an "oh".

YN: "How much is this?", you said as you looked upwards to the huge ceiling of the lobby where a long curvy staircase that leads to the second floor  placed beside.

Tzuyu: "Why? You're gonna buy it?", she joked , scoffing and smirking at you.

YN: "Yah, you really think I'm rich as you?", you chuckled, which earned a laughter coming from her. "Hell nah, I own a doughnut shop as a business yet still I can't afford to improve it.", you scratched your nape.

Tzuyu: "I can help you if you want?", she glanced sidewards at you.

YN: "No, it's fine. Keep it to yourself. Use it to something important to you.", you shyly declined, feeling embarassed that you are just gonna make her spend money for you which you don't even know if you can repay it back.

Tzuyu: "That's why I'm offering it to you. You're important to me, YN.", she looked at you straight in the eye. It caught your attention because of how bright and sparkling its black orbs were as they stared at you as though trying to captivate and draw you into the black hole. She was pouting at you as well, which made her even cuter.

YN: "Well that's sweet. But, are you really sure about this?", you worriedly asked her.

Tzuyu: "Mmhhmm. I only need an answer.", she nodded as she is still looking at you seriously, waiting for what she wanted to hear.

YN: "Okay, then it's a yes.", you sighed.

Tzuyu: "Good, just tell me whenever you need it.", she grinned brightly at you which you did the same and you nodded. You were feeling thankful for Tzuyu at this blessing. "By the way, we bought this for around 1.30 billion won."

YN: "Wow.", you gasped.

Tzuyu: "So, let's start. Well, here's my-",and the two of you immediately began touring the house. Tzuyu gave you a tour of all the rooms and spaces in this building. With each of these, there is no longer anything to say save "expensive, spectacular, orderly, and fashionable.

Tzuyu: "And lastly, this is my garden.", she opened the glass slide door, revealing a huge garden maze covered entirely with snow. A fountain can also be seen in the center.

YN: "Wow. It almost looks like a park.", you described the place as you roam your eyes around while having your jaws dropped.

Tzuyu: "This is where I mostly come when I want to relax. I do love being in bed but still nothing can beat the refreshing feeling of breathing in a fresh air, right?", she said as she placed her entangled hands behind her back.

YN: "Facts."

Tzuyu: "I also planted some of my favorite flowers here but sadly so far it's being covered in snow.", she frowned. She stepped forward near a bush that's been covered by snow and took a handful of it.

YN: "I can come here again when the winter's over though.", you said to her.

Tzuyu: "Promise?", she looked up at you, her face enlightened when she heard that this will not gonna only a one-time visit.

YN: "Promise.", you said, grinning at her as you observed her giggling with delight as she did one of the things you loved about her the most, particularly when you two were dating. She always enjoys adorably shaking her body while raising her hands just above her jawline and grinning hugely.

Then, all of a sudden, you two heard music coming from inside. Since it is definitely being played on the speaker, both of you can still hear it to some extent because it was fairly loud.

Tzuyu: "It's Mr. Kwon who did it. Hehe, he loves music that's why.", she explained what we just noticed.

YN: "Take On Me huh? He does have a great taste.", you said as you slowly bopped your head to the song's groovy pace and rhythm. Your body then started to synchronize and connect with the way your head was moving after that.

Tzuyu: "What are you doing?", she hilariously asked you as she watched you dance.

YN: "Cmon, it's impossible not to dance with this song.", you said as you continued moving your body to follow the flow of this masterpiece you're listening with her  "Join me.", you offered her your free hand and she shyly accepts, now each other's hands are holding one another. You can feel to each selves that your hands are quite shaking due to nervousness and awkwardness slowly building up to each other.

You didn't mind it instead as you started to groove more and unshameful showed Tzuyu some funny moves of yours while dancing.

Tzuyu: "Oh my god, what do you call those moves? HAHAHAH", she looked at you as if she's judging your apperance disgustingly and puzzedly.

YN: "I don't know, it's so unique that I don't even have a name for it yet.", you faked a laughed and winked at her, not being aware that you made her blush while she rolled her eyes at your pun.

As the song about to end, you grabbed Tzuyu's arms and then spinned together with smile on each other's faces.

You both got dizzy, Tzuyu crashed onto your body. Now your distance with her just an inches away from each other.

Tzuyu: "You dummy... what's with the spin?!", she lightly hits you with her hand to your chest while having her eye largened at what you just did. "God, my head is like going upside down.", she grabbed both sides of her head and kept it still as her way to regain her balance.

YN: "HAHAHAH sorry, I just wanted to do it.", you fakedly apologized to her by the way you let out that laugh in the beginning.

Tzuyu: "You really love to tease me aren't ya?", she glared at you and furrowed her eyebrows. Now her hands were curled and formed like a ball as she placed it on each sides of her waists.

YN: "No i'm not!", you tried to fight back but Tzuyu just hits you with her hand sending a bit of a tingling feeling in the skin of your shoulder.

YN: "Hey, what's that for?", you confusedly asked her.

Tzuyu: "That's for making me dizzy!"

YN: "Alright alright I already said sorry okay? Stop being mad at me you giant Yoda. You okay? ", you asked her what's wrong whe she just halted in front of you while keeping her sight at your face. You didn't even tell that her gaze was secretly going down to stare at your lips until what she did next send chills down to your spine.

Tzuyu immediately kissed you in the lips and went away with a pop sound. You just stood there, clueless what did she just do to you.

YN: "T-Tzuyu?", you mumbled while still standing like a statue.

Tzuyu: "Sorry, I-I just wanted to do it too.", she said as she flipped back some strands of her hair behind her ear. She raised her head again and looked at you. She placed her hands as her fingertips tracing the smooth texture of your face as you keep on watching her while she spoke to you.

"YN... I love you. I still do. You never left my heart and mind even if I'm away from you.I hope you don't mind that I'm gonna do my best to make you love me again the same as before. I'm just retrieving back the one thing that was taken from me which I never lost in the first place.", she said to you her confession and then gave you a heartwarming smile that is close enough to that level of sweetness Tzuyu always gave to you before every single day whenever you two meet.

Even though you are happy at this callbacks, it was then mixed once again with sadness, worried and anxious.

YN: "I'm not completely ready to be in love again with somebody else, Tzu. My heart is not entirely well yet. So if you can wait, I appreciate the patience.", you said, hoping for her to understand.

Tzuyu: "Don't worry, then I'll just spend my time also waiting by helping you heal your heart.", She smiled at you and put her hand on your chest to feel the rise and fall of your skin caused by the beats of your heart, which was once only sync in rhythm with hers.

You gave her a grateful smile. Then you heard the alarm on your watch go off. It appears that you glanced at it to check the time and felt alarmed when you saw it.

YN: "Oh uhm, I need to go. I still have a scheduled meeting to attend with.", you excused yourself to her as you about to take a leave now in her place.

Tzuyu: "Sure.", she nodded. The two of you went back inside the house and walked towards back to the front door.

Tzuyu: "Thank you so much again for the time we had today, YN. It completed my day already.", she grabbed your hand and gently patted the top of it.

YN: "Same as well, Tzu. I'm glad we're finally all too well now. More memories to come for us!", she nodded in glee. You invited her for another hug which she accepts before you finally stepped out of her house.

Tzuyu: "Bye!!! Be safe!", you waved your hand at her as you and Mr. Kwon entered the car once again and drove back to your place.

Tzuyu: "God, I love him so much.", she murmured to herself while she's pressing the hand she used to squeeze and pat your hand in her chest and let her heartbeat vibrates onto it.

----------------------

It's been an hour after Mr. Kwon dropped you off back in your house after staying in Tzuyu's mansion. You thanked him for his service which he gladly appreciated.

You took some rest inside your place before suiting up again because you have another scheduled meeting with someone else and now, you're with this woman who waited in front of your house for you to come out and both travel through the shop.

Bang Chan: "Yo boss! Who is this?", Chan asked you as he noticed already the elegant figure of this woman standing beside you.

YN: "Our new baker in the shop.", you smirked at your joke.

Mina: "E-ehh?", she startled in confusion at your words. You just laughed a little along with Bang Chan then she playfully pushed you slightly away from her.

YN: "Just kidding, I know you still prefer to be a doctor.", you said between your laughter. "Anyways, meet my friend Myoui Mina. Mina, this is Christopher Bang or as what I and we around here call him, Bang Chan. He's my trusted friend and manager of the shop.", you said as you introduced the two of them together at each other.

Bang Chan: "Nice to meet you, noona!", he offered a handshake to her which she accepts.

Mina: "Nice to meet you too!"

YN: "I brought her here for some... private baking class.", you explained to Chan about the reason why Mina's following and sticking beside you.

Bang Chan: "Ahh, I see. Have fun you two!", you just nodded and gave him a fistbump. You and Mina then went ahead to the kitchen at the back.

YN: "So welcome to my beloved kitchen.", you said as you showed her your crowded kitchen, where your bakers were calmly preparing some pastries to bake. You name it: cake, donuts, and various bread varieties. Some are also preparing coffee and other beverages that customers outside have ordered.

Mina: "Woah it looks so clean. You do really are complete with the equipments.", she said in admiration while looking around the place.

YN: "Told you. So... hey, shall we start baking? ", you looked at her and you saw her respond with a nod.

The two of you started baking the first product came up in your mind: a one layered small cake. After the long process of preparing, building and designing it, the two of you finished and both presented each others work.

YN: "And there you have it. Our one layered caramel cake for today's lesson.", you patted off the flour and other mess in your hands as you looked proudly at your work placed beside Mina's.

Mina: "The difference of the way our cakes appear.", She chuckled as she looked back and forth between your cake and hers, noticing the obvious difference between them: Hers has a slightly less smooth texture and a slightly out-of-place structure.

YN: "It's fine. You're still a beginner anyways. Honestly, you did great on designing the layers huh. Not bad.", you said, nodding while pouting your lower lip to express how impressed you were.

Mina: "Thanks.", she blushed at your comment.

YN: "But let's find out how does it taste.", You then reached for your fork and took a mouthful of Mina's caramel cake after carefully picking a slice with it. Mina is simply watching you nervously while you evaluate and make a silent decision about how you will assess the cake's flavor as you consume it.

Mina: "How's it?", she asked you as you finally finished swallowing the slice you chewed.

YN: "It was good, delicious. Still lacking with something but anyways you just started learning today so I'll give it 8/10 overall.", you said, smiling at her.

Mina: "Yay! I really tried not to disappoint you.", she said happily, raising her fists then she gave a small clap as she enjoyed your reaction to her work.

YN: "And congrats, you didn't.", after you just finished your words, all of you inside the kitchen heard some shouting from the dining section of the shop outside. You and Mina furrowed each others eyebrows, confused at what's happening there.

YN: "What the-"

Mina: "That's coming from outside."

YN: "Yeah I can tell it...", Bang Chan then ran inside and approached you and Mina with a panic on his face.

Bang Chan: "BOSS! WE HAVE A PROBLEM.", That alone is an indication that true chaos is occurring and needs to be immediately put to an end. You, Mina, and Bang Chan instantly left the kitchen.

YN: "W-what's going on here?!", you loudly asked as you walked near along with Bang Chan at the one you spotted which was a customer and your employee staring off at each other with pure upset and anger displayed in their faces. Mina on the other hand, stayed near at the cashier to just watch what's going on right now.

Customer: "YOUR STUPID EMPLOYEE HERE ACCIDENTALLY POURED ME A DRINK!!!", she then showed to you the large stain of smoothie in her shirt. Bang Chan formed an "o" on his mouth while you quickly gazed over your employee who seems all unbothered at what he did to your customer.

Employee: "I'M SORRY OKAY? I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU ANOTHER ONE SO THAT YOU CAN SHUT UP AND STOP CRYING ABOUT IT.", he said back, apologizing at her but in a rude way still. You were just stunned at how disgusting the behavior of your employee just showed to everyone.

Bang Chan and Mina: "Wow.", the only word they both used to react.

Customer: EXCUSE ME?

YN: "Wonpil?! What did you just said to her?", you asked her with an animalistic grunt mixed in the tone of your voice as you started to get upset and irritated at the attitude of your employee which name revealed to be Wonpil.

Wonpil: "I didn't know you were kinda deaf too, boss. Too bad, I don't want to repeat again.", he just lets out a huff of air. Your lips started to twitch in displeasure.

YN: "You better watch your damn mouth while talking to me.", You glared angrily at him while giving him  the death stare. You hoped he wouldn't try to push you away because you were somewhat concerned about what may happen if you were brought by your provoke.

Bang Chan: What the hell is wrong with y- wait... why do you have an alcohol smell?", he asked as he stepped forward closely to Wonpil and grabbed his arm tightly to warn him, which made him notice something.

Customer: "Wow. Do you let this type of behavior of your employee to continue doing a service in your business, mister?", your customer asked you in disbelief as all you can do is to look at her back, feeling ashamed at yourself for this idiot beside you.

YN: "N-no. I deeply am sorry, miss. I really didn't know about this.", you apologetically said to the customer.

Bang Chan: "He's saying the truth, maam. In fact, this one right here just started his shift late and... didn't even bother to talk to me.", he then gave a sharp glare at Wonpil who's still standing calmly and containing himself not to get whole irritated at the combined complaint of his fault. "Well uhm, how about this-" Bang Chan starts making suggestions to the customer, who thankfully accepts it. After the customer had left with a new t- shirt gave by Bang Chan, you gestured for everyone to continue eating an apologized for the disturbance caused by your drunk employee. You pulled Wonpil with you through your office to talk with him. Mina just watched and got worried at the seriousness of your expression while Bang Chan just silently followed you.

YN: "What you did back there earlier is clearly very rude, irresponsible and most notably such a very unacceptable behavior you showed earlier.", you said as you keep slamming your hand onto the desk. " What the hell are you thinking, Wonpil? You're drunk in alcohol and even dared to show up here in my shop, even worse... late? That's it.", you faced him, trying to dig his soul deep down to the bottom of the ground at your intimidating stare.

"Because of what you did today that effectively broke some rules here, you're fired."

Wonpil: "W-wait, boss. D-don't fire me please. I-i'm sorry... m-my rent owner is already about to kick me out of the apartment so that's why I drink-"

YN: "I understand your problem but seriously, you don't even need to bring it also here, cause also a bigger problem and affect my shop's reputation with it.", you pointed to the outside then pinched and massaged the top of the bridge of your nose. "I'm sorry but you should pack your things and get out.", you gestured for him to go away.

Wonpil: "N-no... No WAIT! BOSS! NO... PLEASE DON'T! I NEED THIS JOB!", he started to change back and make his disgusting behavior he showed earlier to disappear just to convince you to give him a chance still. But you just completely refuse, you do not tolerate this kind of action from any of your employee... even if Bang Chan also who is your friend.

Bang Chan: "Don't worry about him, boss. I got this. Focus back on Mina there.", he whispered to you and gestured his head to Mina who is curiously looking at waiting for you at one of the seats.

YN: "Thanks, Chan.", you smiled which Chan just replied with a nod. You walked back to approach the elegant penguin sitting alone.

Mina: "Hey."

YN: "Hi. Uhh, sorry for the mess back there. I made you wait.", you embarassingly apologized to Mina. Right at the moment, Bang Chan called the guards to escort Wonpil out of the shop.

Mina: "It's fine. You made me impressed anyways on how great of a boss you are.", the two of you chuckled. "You did the right thing."

YN: Thanks. Well that's my job anyways. I should take care both my customers and employees.", you smiled confidently at her which made her admire you secretly at your kind-hearted personality. "Shall we go now?"

Mina: "O-okay."

You two exit the shop and drive away with your car. After minutes of travel, you two finally reached Mina's house.

YN: "I hope you enjoyed today, Mina.", you said after you stopped exactly in front of her residence.

Mina: "I did.", she gave you her gummy smile. What happened next is that she fall and halted at your stare to her which made her remember again the another reason of having her time with you today.

She's gonna confess her feelings to you. She wants to try, and it doesn't matter to her if the outcome breaks her heart; after all, it's simply karma for her to think and believe since you admitted to her back in high school that she had you go through the same thing when she rejected yours. Mina: "Uhm, YN..."

YN: "Hmm?", you reacted at her mention of your name.

Mina: "I... l-.... I lo-"

YN: "Are you okay?", you worriedly asked her.

Mina: "I- I... I loved the cake we made. " ,she sighed internally.

YN: "Me too. Don't worry, we'll bake more next time.", you grinned at her. She opened the door quickly and peeked at the window from outside.

Mina: "T-thanks, YN!"

YN: "You too, Mina!", You bid her farewell by waving. You restarted your car's engine and drove back to the store, leaving Mina home alone to enter. She forcefully tangles her hair as she shuts the door, hitting her forehead repeatedly out of frustration.

Mina: "AGH WHY I CAN'T SAY IT TO HIM!", she said with a groan while stomping in annoyance at her failed confession for you. ---------------------------

(THE NEXT DAY)

You entered JYP Entertainment and went to the receptionist lady to ask your concern.

Lady Receptionist: "Good morning, sir! Welcome to JYP Entertainment, how can I help you?"

YN: "Hello, good morning. I'll just deliver this to Ms. Im Nayeon. Where is the Madonna Dance Practice Room here?", you asked as you showed to her a box of doughnuts you're holding.

Lady Receptionist: "At the 5th floor, right hallway, second room sir.", she stated the direction where your meeting place with Nayeon is.

YN: "Thank you.", you bowed your head a little to the receptionist to show gratitude and respect for her service.

The elevator took you to the fifth story, where it then turned you into the right hallway. A white door with a picture of Madonna and the name "Madonna Dance Room" printed above it appeared next. After you knocked, the door opened to show Nayeon, who was dressed in a basic t-shirt, black leggings, and white Fila shoes. She appears to be practicing right now based on how sweaty she is.

YN:  "Hello.", you smiled at her.

Nayeon: "Oh YN! You're finally here!",  She quickly pressed her body into yours, which you gratefully embraced as a hug. Although she may be perspiring, her aroma is unbelievably pleasant. It smelled like a cross between baby powder and perfume.

YN: "Here's your doughnuts.", you showed her clearly the box of doughnuts you're holding. She then grinned, showing her bunny teeth.

Nayeon: "Thank you! You can come in!", she stepped aside, giving you the way inside.

YN: "Sure."

Nayeon: "How's your day?", she asked you as she grabbed the bag placed on top of the cabinet.

YN: "Fine, had a problem at the shop yesterday but I figured it all out now.", you said after taking a seat at one of the average sized black couch available here.

Nayeon: "Why what happened there?", she curiously asked.

YN: "Fired an employee. Improper behavior reasons."

Nayeon: "Oh... okay.", she nodded. She then lend to you her money as her payment for the doughnuts she ordered. You tooked it and thanked her.

Nayeon: "Ooh your doughnuts are mouth watering, YN! Does it have new flavors here?", she said as she started opening the box, revealing many different types and designs of freshly baked doughnuts inside.

YN: "None so far. I'll about to add some next week but if you want to try it, i'll give it to you."

Nayeon: "Ofcourse I want some. Just inform me okay?"

YN: "Okay.", You gave her a smile. After checking anything on your phone for a while, you unexpectedly failed to notice Nayeon's approaching presence. She was standing in front of you when you turned to look at her and saw the doughnut she was holding out to you.

Nayeon: "Do you want some?"

YN: "I'm good. It's all yours, Nayeon.", you respectfully rejected her offer.

Nayeon: "Okayyy~", she then took a bit on it, presenting to you how a bunny eats a doughnut. You can see her pinchable chubby cheeks rising every chew she makes.

YN: "What is your schedule right now?"

Nayeon: "Dance choreo practice so far. Preparing for my upcoming album. Do you want to see it?", she bounced her eyebrows.

YN: "Oh, okay. Sure. It's a pleasure for me to be the first one outside the company who'll know about it.", you sheepishly smiled.

Nayeon: "Well then. Just zip your mouth and enjoy what you'll see, okay?", she smirked, patting your head and left a pinch on your cheek as she went onto her cellphone to play her song that's being kept as a single so far to the public, especially to her fans.

She then went to the center of the room and started dancing in front of you, who's not aware that the concept of Nayeon's upcoming comeback is actually sexy.

Nayeon did some of the moves with more flow to tease you. She crawled to the floor, spin her head to make her hair fly in the air and look at you seductively; earning a huge gulp from you.

She turned back and squatted, then glanced at you as she rotated her head sideways and swayed her hips while showcasing her perfectly round shaped ass. It feels like you're burning inside the room but the temperature is not even cold since it has an aircon turned on. Well, all you can blame is this friend and ex-girlfriend of yours who's dancing dangerously and so attractingly to impress you; not knowing that she's performing it with all her best to flirt with you.

She laid on the floor sexily, her front body met the surface and then banged her fist repeatedly on the floor while her waist and ass are going up and down in the air.

Dude, you just wanna say goodluck already to the public and to her fans already when Nayeon released her performance video of this upcoming singles of her. You can barely contain the hotness of this lady in front you, how could the others who admire her as an idol won't do the same too?

After she danced, the song finished and you were just left completely speechless at what you just saw.

Nayeon: "Well, did you liked it YN?~", she asked in a singsong tone while she's in the middle of her catching of breath due to how quite of exhausting her choreo is.

YN: "I-it's great. Wow... I didn't know that's the other s-side of yours I'll be seeing.", you chuckled nervously, trying to contain your embarassment and unstable self right now.

Nayeon: "Sorry. I just thought it would be better if I turn it into a surprise you know, since it's you I'm the one whom I'll be showing it into... and the only one I'll be willing to do it the most too~", she chuckled and even bite her lower lip at you. You were starting to ask rapid questions of why? in your head. The first one is definitely being "why is she being like this to you right now?".

She walked towards you and stood beside you. Nayeon: "You're going all red now, YN.", she cupped your chin and turned your face to hers.

YN: "S-sorry... I'm just so embarassed right now. I'm not really used into this.", you said as you try to avoid Nayeon's alluring gaze. Your heartbeat is starting to increase rapidly.

Nayeon: "Well I could make you try more if you'll... let.. me~ ", then your eyes widened as Nayeon starts to push her face closer and closer onto yours, going in now to attempt for a kiss. You remembered exactly the time when she just left you out of nowhere with a peck on your cheek during the school's event and left you wondering what was that for?

And now the question reappeared in your mind but now that she's being obvious already, it looks like you kinda now what could be the answer.

YN: "Nayeon... the kiss you did last time means something, isn't it?", you asked her, stopping her from successfully connecting her lips to yours. She opened her eyes and wandered her sight around your own pair.

Nayeon: "Mmmhmm... you noticed it now don't you? Yes, it does. And it's funny how that's the one I'd able to make you realize what I feel for you even though since the very first time we met again at the shop, it was there all along.", she said to you as her hand went to your hair and started stroking it. You got it right now that she do have keeping a secret to you, and that centered most about her feelings for you.

Nayeon: "My love for you, YN. I want to try to bring back what we had before... to try fix my mistakes, to get what I want... to show how could we become better this time.. but too bad, I know I can't. You're already taken. I'm not the type of person who ruins relationships.", her expression turned serious as she lets out a sigh of disappointment at the truth she's having a problem with.

YN: "Actually, R-ryujin and I are... over.", you said between your stutters, you don't mean any other meaning to that. You just want to clarify and correct some things to her.

Nayeon: "Eh? Really? When? What happened?", she started a streak of questions in her surprise.

YN: "A Week ago. Found someone better.", you gave her a bittersweet smile.

Nayeon: "Tsk. She just wasted a very boyfriend material like you, YN. She doesn't see your worth to the fullest.", it hit you right in the feels. Nayeon then cupped both sides of your face, looking at you with concern. "Are you fine now?"

YN: "I am."

Nayeon: "Well, good. So... uhh, about my confession..."

YN: "It's fine. Nayeon, I don't reject you.", you said, giving her a calm smile so that she can ease down the nervousness in her. "Although you can't expect any response about what are my feelings too so far. I'm...still thinking about what will happen to me when it comes to these thing. If I fall for you, will I never gonna be the same again?", you said to hee anxiously.

Nayeon: "It's fine, YN. Take your time. Don't rush. Just the fact that you finally know my unvanished love for you is enough for me already. I just hope it would turn out more than that one day, and I'll do my best this time to prove you wrong that you'll gonna be better instead when you're with me.", she assured you with a smile. "Thank you, YN."

YN: “You're welcome.", After you finished speaking to her, you noticed something that caused you to freeze in place. Nayeon begins to worry why you aren't moving, and you can see a mixture of shock and embarrassment on your face as you turn to face another direction.

Your gaze landed on the door, where Jihyo was standing there with her hair perfectly tied, donning a white jacket, gray jogging pants, and pink rubbershoes. Jihyo gazed at Nayeon while she shared the same expression with the direction at where you are gazing. She then turned away from you. You simply hoped Jihyo wouldn't have a different perspective on this.

YN: "J-jihyo?", you said her name with your trembling voice.

Nayeon: "O-oh... hi J-Jihyo...", she bowed in front her shyly.

Jihyo: Hi. S-sorry to interrupt your m-moment.", you saw her gulp. "I-i'm just shocked that you're here, YN."

YN: "I just delivered some doughnuts to Nayeon here.", you said, pointing the doughnuts placed on the couch.

Nayeon: "Y-yes."

Jihyo: "O-oh... okay. Enjoy, Nayeon.", it took her 2nd try to smile.

Nayeon: "T-thanks, Jihyo."

YN: "I'll get going now.", You replied as you swiftly rose to your feet to remove the building tension between the two, which you had seen was due to a situation that left you feeling awkward and perplexed.

In response, Nayeon simply nodded and smiled. She bowed and waved her hands in the air. Jihyo catches you as you're ready to leave the room and gives you a surprise embrace. You fail to see that Jihyo purposefully scowled at Nayeon, who was beginning to feel a little jealous of what she was seeing, before wrapping her hands tightly around your back.

Jihyo: "I miss you already.", she said with her muffled voice as her face is buried in the crook of your neck.

YN: "Aww, someone wants me to come in her place. Hmm."

Jihyo: "You got it.", you felt your neck vibrated as she chuckled.

YN: "Alright, Friday night. We'll do movie marathon."

Jihyo: "Okayyy! Be safe, okay? God, I love your scent so much.", she went away from your hug and looked at you with her gummy smile of excitement.

YN: "Bye Jihyo.", you just chuckled at her compliment of your smell.

Jihyo: "Bye, YN!"

You then finally walked away and went inside the elevator, leaving Nayeon and Jihyo alone awkwardly.

Jihyo: "F-fighting for today, Nayeon!", she looked at Nayeon, a bit troubled at what she's doing.

Nayeon: "Y-yes, you too... Jihyo.", she forcefully smiled at Jihyo. As Jihyo vanished in her sight, Nayeon's expression changed into a serious one. ------------------------------

You returned back to your shop and opened the glass door. You saw your manager Bang Chan serving a customer in the counter.

Bang Chan: "Hey, boss!", he greeted you.

YN: "Good, eveni-", you were about to greet back when suddenly both you and Chan heard someone from a distance calling your name.

Sana: "YNNNNNN!!!!!!!!", She rushed in your direction, oblivious to the looks of the customers she agitated with her loud, small-pitched voice. She tightly embraced you with her body locking into yours. Sana compressed your body so tightly that it is becoming more difficult for you to breathe.

YN: "Oh, hey S-Sana..."

Bang Chan: "Hey, sis. Take it easy. You just caught the eyes of the people here. Also, we don't want YN to die here in the shop, don't we?", he gently tapped Sana's shoulder and escorted to take out her step-sister slowly from your grasp.

Sana: "Hehe.. sorry. I MISSED YOU SO MUCHHH!!", she said as she grabbed both of your arms while jumping happily like a little kid who just treated by her parents to go to a mall in return of her good grades.

YN: "Aww I missed you too, Sha.", you can't help but to smile at how adorable she is.

Sana: "Hey, you! Give us some food. We need to talk now.", she instructed her step brother Chan portraying like a strict and intimidating boss she is.

Bang Chan: "Ooookkkaayyy maam. Sheesh.", both of you chuckled at how hilarious and bubbly Sana today. She grabbed your hand in a rush and pulled you with her to follow her.

She took the seat first and followed you with her eyes as you're about to take the seat in front of her.

Sana: "I'm really sorry if I didn't get to visit here. My schedules are really stacked up these past days and I just had here finally be able to walk around free since it's all about to be cleared up.", she said apologetically.

YN: "No worries, Sana. I won't disappear, anyways. I'll be right here, Okay? I will just be here always and you can come here to see whenever you want.", you assured her by comforting her with no worries.

Sana: "Promise you won't go, YN?", she pouted at you with her puppy eyes. Oh god, this shiba inu lookinh princess in front of you is slowly killing you with her adorable acts.

YN: "Promise."

Sana: "Aaaa you're so cute.", after that Bang Chan serves the ones Sana ordered for you both. He left you two again and you started to gain focus on Sana refilling her cup with coffee but you weren't aware that she's looking at you with her lovingly eyes.

"Anyways, let's go to the next thing why I want us to talk.", her smile starts to fade away.

YN: "Sure."

Sana: "Is that true that your girlfriend left you and broke my YN's heart?", she asked and looked at you intently, her worried expression is the first thing that's clearly visible in her right now.

YN: "Yes. But you don't need to w-", before you were about to finish her line, she interrupted you.

Sana: "Don't need to worry? YN, you don't know how BADLY I WORRIED ABOUT YOU, WHERE ALL I WANTED WAS TO JUST ESCAPE MY STAFFS THERE JUST TO COME HERE AND CHECK ON YOU!!!", her voice raised and all you had to do was look at her in shock, being perplexed as to why she started acting more differently. She seemed to be abruptly shifting her personality. It brings to memory what transpired the last time you sat and interacted with Momo here.

YN: "Sana... it's fine now, okay? I appreciate the concern. Atleast it's over now right?", you grabbed her hand and gently massaged it to calm her down.

Sana: "Yeah you're right. But i'm really sorry. It's just... I don't want anyone to hurt you. I don't want anyone to make you cry and devastate you. YN you deserved better! Not what you received from her!", You became even more concerned about her when she began to tremble since she appeared to be about to lose control of her emotions. You were anxious to assist her.

YN: "Sana... calm down. Please. Okay? Don't cry more.", She quickly nodded and sniffed, and as you continued to seem worried, the first tears started to fall from her eyes. You didn't anticipate Sana to carry this one close to her heart given your experience with sadness caused on by Ryujin's actions.

Sana: "I'm really sorry... I-I can't help it. It just hurts me so much me knowing that she disrespected your love and even broke your trust. She failed to meet my expectations for you. I just wanted you to be happy and contented with someone else... even if it breaks my heart knowing I'm not the source of it.", she said her reasons why she's acting this way. You got quite confused what does she meant at those last words.

Sana: "I can't risk seeing the one that makes me happy lose it's smile and have his world turn dark."

YN: "Sana."

Sana: "You're just that too special to me, YN. That's why I wanted the best for you, is because I simply love you.", She stated as she took your hand and gently handled it to show how she had grown to love you. You now know another explanation for why Sana was vulnerable to harm. You initially assumed that it was because she is a friend who is incredibly caring, thoughtful, vocal, and passionate and who just wants the best for the people she loves in her life.

You just shockingly faced her,  while at the same time you're more confused at one thing.

YN: "W-why? Of all the guys out there why me? I just don't get it? What's with me that makes you fall in love with?"

Sana: "The way how with just everything you do, it takes my breath away. The way how we're together, it instantly make me happy and complete. I could go on and on, YN.", she tried to smile for you despite her face is being bathed with tears right now. She started to wiped it all with her tissue. "But to sum it all to up, I just love that you exist."

YN: "I'm sorry, Sana but... I can't give you any answer so far about your feelings.", you bowed your head, showing how sorry you are for doing this. You stated it carefully so that you can avoid making Sana hurt more. "You see, I'm still not fully prepared to love somebody again. I had 4 girlfriends already and what I experienced recently was already for me to be traumatized of being a failure. I'm still scared to love somebody again and if I might choose you, I don't want you to leave because I didn't became the boyfriend you wanted me to be.", you said as you connected your gaze again with Sana, showing how much you care for her.

Sana: "It's fine, YN. If that so, then let me help you face your fears. I'll show you that not every one is like her. I promise, with me... I'll do everything to prove that I deserve your love.", she said as she played again with your hands, tracing your skin with her fingertips. "I won't expect anything from you because having you near me is already enough for be to be contented."

YN: "Okay. Thank you, Sana. I admire your courage to share your feelings for me.", you just smiled at her understanding she truly is.

Sana: "Hehe did I do well, YN? My face is stained and wet with my tears.", she then laughed, changing back to the original vibe she had early when she approached you.

YN: "You still look beautiful when you cry, Sana.", you saw her blush. You didn't intended to play with her feelings, you are just being honest.  "O-oh uhm by the way. Good luck too."

Sana: "Thanks, YN. Okay, let's change the topic. Are you free tomorrow?", she asked you curiously.

YN: "Eh? W-why?", you took a bite at your food.

Sana: "I just want to invite you to attend the fashion show I'm attending with. It will be held at Jeju by the way and I know it's not that near here so I asked you first if...", you didn't waited for her to finish as you gave her answer already that you know already she's expecting to have.

YN: "I'm in."

Sana: "Really? THAT'S GREAT! SEE YOU TOMORROW, YN! ",  she energetically reacted.

YN: "You too, Sana.", you smiled, finally relieved that she's back to okay now after that dramatic moment you two have just now.

Sana: "As much as I want to spend time with you more, I think we should just continue this tomorrow. I should go home and rest. Bye, YN!", she bid her goodbye at you after she finished her coffee and saw some vision of herself wearing her outfit for tomorrow at the fashion show on the TV screen, which she thought that it's probably a reminder to herself that she must rest early for tomorrow.

YN: "Bye, Sana.", she stood up and went to the counter to greet her brother too.

Sana: "Channie!!! I'll be heading home now, ok? I'll prepare dinner there for you!"

Bang Chan: "Thank you, noona! Be safe!", and after that Sana finally went outside and entered her car parked in front of the shop.

You walked at the counter and watched Sana's car drive away from your shop through your glass door. Bang Chan then quickly took your attention.

Bang Chan: "She confessed isn't she?", he asked even though he's not looking at you.

YN:"Yeah, wait... you know about this?", you got surprised, raising your eyebrows at him.

Bang Chan: "Yup. She was planning it these past few days, actually."

YN: "I didn't rejected her, don't worry."

Bang Chan: "Good. I'm just glad you're giving noona a chance to make you fall for her too. She loves you so much, YN.", he smiled at you and closed the logbook he's writing at.

YN: "I know, but I'm worried for the two of us.", you sighed and slumped your shoulders.

Bang Chan: "Why?", he asked you curiously.

YN: "It's not gonna be easy for the two of us, knowing that I'm the one who's gonna decide while Sana joins the others who also doing moves now to steal my heart.", you said to him as you remembered Nayeon, Momo, Sana and Tzuyu confessing their love for you. -------------------------- (THE NEXT DAY)

You awakened early in the morning and went already to your shop which is still closed so far. You are waiting along with your car beside you, waiting for Sana to meet you again.

More than 30 minutes passed and a black van arrived in front of you. You walked near to the door, and Sana opened the tinted window to see you clearly.

Sana: "Good morning, YN!", she greeted you. It was not that full of energy since she looks like she's somewhat still sleepy after waking up early too.

YN: "Good morning too."

Sana: "You can follow our van on the way to the airport so that it's just easy for you to go.", she said to you. You just nodded while listening to her. "Oh, uhh by the way... YN let me introduce you to my friend from work who's also joining as a model for the brand we're endorsing.", she said as she turned her head to the other side looking at another mysterious figure beside her that caught your attention who may that be since that person is being covered by Sana and the darkness inside the van.

Sana: "YN, meet Kim-",

YN: "DAHYUN?!", you exclaimed her name in shock as Sana moved away a bit to reveal Dahyun, who moved forward and looked at you with disbelief and shyness in her face.

Dahyun: "YN.", she also said your name embarassingly while Sana was just left speechless as she looked at both you and Dahyun, confused how did the two of you know each other.

-🐰🐶🐀🐹🦄🐧🦅🐯🦌-

[imaginesmai]

heyy, thank you for answering the request!💜sending it again: I want to request a quarantine angst imagine with tom, something like the reader is alone in her apartment, while Tom is staying in his with the boys, so she is calling him constantly because she feels lonely and the boys start teasing, so he starts to treat reader differently and someday when he thinks the call is over he says she’s clingy or something, reader hear what he said, feel awfully and stops talking to him

This doesn’t come late, this comes completely out of time. I needed a time out of Tumblr, because I didn’t enjoy writing anymore. Hope you enjoy this! I changed it a bit since we’re not longer in complete lockdown, but it has the same basic plot! 

Oceans between us

You waited patiently as Tom finished his conversation with Harry, who had just appeared through the corner of your call and had taken your boyfriend’s attention away. It was an important conversation, you could understand so much, because Tom had muted himself while they talked so you couldn’t hear what they were saying. You were okay with it, really, because you understood that in his line of work he had to keep some stuff hidden until the movies came out. And you had had your fair share of early spoilers from him to accept it.

The problem was that minutes were tickling, and now there was another person in the room – a boy you hadn’t met before, that was laughing behind Tom. It seemed that, whatever they were talking about, was funny.

“Tom?” you tried again in a small voice, not feeling like continuing the call anymore. You looked at the time above the screen – ten minutes since he muted himself.

Either he had turned off the sound, or he ignored you.

In a burst of irritation, you left the couch and went over to the kitchen, your dog following you close. He sniffed your legs and sat while you took a glass of water and leaned against the sink – if he wanted to talk to you again, you could hear it from there. Manchee, the adorable puppy you had gotten a year ago, seemed to catch that there was something wrong with his owner, so he rubbed his nose against your bare leg.

“It’s fine. We talked this morning, it’s not like I haven’t seen him for days” you smiled at him, trying to get yourself to believe your words. “Besides, he has every right to be busy too. Not his fault that I’m stuck”

But it wasn’t your fault, either. One of your classmates in college had tested positive in covid almost a month ago. Your class had been sent home the next day, and you had been quarantined for 15 days – but the quarantine passed, and the classes remained online because the situation in your country got worse, which meant you could only go out grocery shopping, go the doctor in case of need or to work if you were a essential worked. Since the two last situations weren’t given, you were stuck in your small, rented apartment, going out only once a day to take your dog for a short walk.

The first days were hard, and now it had only gotten worse. You were bored out of your mind, tired and sick of being inside. You cried more often than not, and since your family didn’t have the technology to facetime you, the only person you saw beside your reflection in the mirror was your boyfriend. Tom, who was away in another country filming and busy, and who lately seemed to ignore you more often than not.

As expected, because it wasn’t the first time you had to do so, you ended the call, watching a last minute of an empty camera because Tom had left his phone in the room as he went somewhere else.

“We could restart Vampire Diaries”

A bark.

“Watch Mamma Mia? A classic, never grows old”

Another back, this time louder.

“Not a huge fan of me dancing, fine. I respect that – I don’t share it, but alright. Baking?”

More dog noises.

“Of course, you’re up to anything that involves food. When this ends, I’m getting you on a diet. I promise” you said, and you swore Manchee made a protesting noise. “What was that? The greatest showman? You have the best ideas, Manch”

Manchee ran out of the room as you searched for the movie on Netflix, and you didn’t hear him again. As you watched the movie, you kept looking at your phone, hoping to see a message for him and imagining what would it feel like if he called you back. You didn’t want to be a possessive girlfriend, but it hurt when he wasn’t there now that you needed him the most. Rubbing the suspicious wet feeling on your eyes, you put the phone face down and tried to enjoy the movie, even if it was the third time you watched it in a month.

-

As expected, he didn’t call you. You held your pride together and spent the next day giving him radio silence – no calls, no messages, nothing. You took Manchee for a walk, who found a squirrel in the park and made you run behind him. You bought the essentials in the supermarket, that was empty, and went back to an apartment that wasn’t your home. As expected, Manchee ate half of your food when you went to the bathroom, and jumped into the shower when you were it. It seemed that he knew you were having a bad day, so he even cuddled in your lap when you sat down to do some college work.

Wednesday came and left, without talking to Tom. By then, your pride held some deep wounds because Tom hadn’t talked to you again. You had received two messages, a good morning and night, and if he noticed you hadn’t answered, he didn’t care. It was almost night time when you decided to call him. After the second try, you were met with the ceiling of an unknown room and voices you didn’t know.

“ – again. What is she? Three?” someone laughed, but you couldn’t see anything. “My nephew is more independent, and she hasn’t started school yet!”

“Dude, I remember a chick I went on a date with” another deep voice said, and you understood Tom had picked up your call without meaning too. Still thinking what to say, the new person kept talking. “She sent me a message right after I left her in her house. And when I didn’t reply, she called me in the morning. I mean, I know I’m irresistible, but I need space!”

“She’s not usually like this, I swear” Tom chuckled, and you smiled just from hearing his voice. Again, you didn’t have time to say anything because he kept talking. “She’s just… we’ve been away for a while, and Y/N’s country is in lockdown, so she’s bored”

Oh

“That doesn’t give you the right to call you every second of the day, dude! Last week she called you three times. And yesterday you were on the phone with her for a whole hour” the first boy said. You didn’t bother cleaning the gathering tears on your eyes. “She’s way too dependent”

“She’s big clingy, that’s all. We live in different countries, so it’s hard for us. And, I mean, if she – “

“Dude”

You let the phone fall on the couch and you moved out of the camera, barely in time to cover your mouth and cover the sob breaking free. Probably, you were exaggerating, but you felt as if the world was crashing down. Everything was blurry and you breath was stuck in your throat, and you wanted so desperately to dig a hole and die there. Yes, you were clingy. And yes, you called Tom three times a day. But you were alone, away from home and in an awful pandemic situation that could bring anyone down. Before you could move to end the call, the person who had interrupted Tom talked again.

“The phone – you’re on a call”

There was silence, so wide and deep that you could hear a pin drop. And now they could hear the muffled sounds of someone crying. You saw the camera moving from where you were sitting, and you went to hang up before anyone could see that you had heard the conversation – because if there was something worse than getting stepped on, is to know that people have watched it too. T

Tom’s face came into view, wide eyes and open mouth. He looked pale, shocked, and you had barely time to hear the begging of your name before you hang up. The phone rang again, twice. Two facetimes, three calls. Tom kept calling, messaging you, and you lost track of how many times he called you, until you finally turned off the phone.

Manchee came back to the couch, licking the tears out of your face and whining when your body racked with sobs. He looked surprised when the phone went crashing against the wall, but didn’t go after it. Instead, he squeezed himself in the couch beside you, and you cried your hear out.

Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated

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[kbsd]

not sure if you’ve answered this before, but what’s your process look like when you make an amv? i’m just curious and in constant awe of ppl who can make videos like you do :)

hello all!!! i have answered this before and i have a vid help tag with other asks i’ve gotten about stuff like this! but i’ve gotten several more messages along these lines so i’m just going to answer a bunch of them together (under a cut since i love to ramble about editing lol). i do just wanna say i’m definitely not the authority on video editing and obv everyone has their own techniques!

edit: i just finished typing all this up and it’s SO long so sorry in advance LMAO god bless anyone who reads this entire thing

so i work in news tv and we have a very specific workflow for writing scripts, sourcing video, producing, and editing. i’ve just applied that to making amvs! for every video i make, i copy the song lyrics into a google doc and adjust them to match the song i’ve cut (i often will trim songs for time and/or content purposes). then i start planning! i’ll mark down what clip i want to use for each lyric next to that line, and any sound bites i want to use (with episode numbers!). i’ll color code between video and sound bites and lyrics, so my scripts end up looking something like this (for my honeybee amv):

doing the planning ahead of time makes everything much easier when it’s a video that spans the whole show or involves a lot of sourcing, like honeybee or sports analogies. that way when i get to the actual editing process, i already know what i’m going to do and have a game plan. for videos like happy ending or believe it or not, where i’m mainly just pulling from a few episodes, i can just plan it in my head as opposed to writing it all down, and produce as i edit. obviously i do make in-the-moment decisions while editing—sometimes a shot doesn’t work the way i thought it would, or i go where the video takes me—but planning ahead definitely helps. i know some people use spreadsheets as well, with columns for lyrics, video clips, and sound bites if applicable. once you find a system that works, it actually goes pretty quickly.

as for sourcing clips themselves/finding clips within episodes, i talked about that here and kind of here. the short version is that transcripts are a must, and the supernatural wiki is hugely helpful by cataloguing all the hugs, prayers, phone calls, etc. in the show. gifmakers that tag episode numbers on their posts are your friends. it gets easier the more video you make—that’s another huge reason i make the google docs for each video (even the ones i plan in my head, i end up going back and making a loose script with episode notes just for reference). if i can’t remember where something is but i know i used it in another video, i can easily reference past scripts!

i also cut all my videos in the same project in premiere pro, so i can flip between them easily. instead of checking a past script, i can just go to the video sequence itself and copy the clip i’m looking for! this was especially helpful when i match cut together the 5x18 and 4x22 wall slam shots for my bestie video, and then stole it from myself for honeybee hahaha. at any given time i have at least 8 sequences open:

because of the sheer volume of videos i make, it’s worth it for me to download the entire show—i have all 327 episodes in HD, plus deleted scenes. if you think you’re only going to make a few videos, i’d start with scene packs. you can usually just google “destiel [or whatever ship/character you’re looking for] scene packs” and there will be any number of ones you can download. if you need other specific scenes, you can always download/torrent individual episodes or screen record netflix (that’s what i did before i got HD download links). i’m happy to share my links if you DM, but be warned it’s a lot of disk space (about 500GB on my hard drive). someone also compiled every destiel scene, downloadable here.

having every episode already loaded in premiere for all my projects also makes it a lot easier to source clips. once i use a clip in a video, i’ll put a marker on the episode file, so that after a while i have most of the important scenes/lines marked to easily find them. to give you an idea, this is my episode file in premiere for 12x10 lily sunder has some regrets (markers at destiel scenes, the car fight, hot girl cas, etc.). markers are the green tabs along the bottom:

premiere also lets you color code and name markers, so ONE DAY i will go back and color code them all. the ones above are all the same color, but in a perfect world, i’d have a myraid—for destiel shots like hugs, touches, looks; for important pieces of dialogue; for action shots; etc. but for now this works ok for me, so that’s a project for another time!

between detailed scripts, one giant premiere project, markers, the wiki, and my own memory, i have so many points of reference that i can usually find any clip i need in about 2 minutes max. sound bites are often harder to start out, or tiny specific shots i haven’t used before, and that’s when i turn to tumblr gifsets or beloved mutuals to crowdsource. but if you’re as obsessive about marking/keeping neat scripts as i am, it gets easier and easier with every video you make. that’s part of why i’m able to cut videos together so quickly. (also i want to stress i do this for a living and have to produce/edit a new piece for my show every day so i’m used to it. and compared to constantly updating content/sources and news that changes every day, 327 highly documented episodes that never change are much easier to handle hahaha)

this is all great for me since i make so many videos and plan to continue doing so, but if you’re only making a few, this level of work isn’t worth it imo. really it’s all about developing a system that works for you. whatever you do with episodes/sourcing, though, i cannot recommend planning things out in a script ahead of time enough. 

everything i just mentioned is producing, though. for the editing process, i usually do it in this order:

music first. any parts i want to cut, i make sure it all sounds smooth

then soundbites. i usually try to weave them into the lyrics—i have characters talk in breaks between lines or instrumental sections as much as possible. i’ll sometimes go so far as looped/extending an intsrumental part to make room for the soundbite i want there lol. if i do have dialogue over a line, i do the sound mixing/levels at this point as well to make sure everything is audible/one doesn’t overpower the other. (also i always include the video that goes with these bites when i drop them in, and decide later if i want to show the character speaking or have other clips cover the dialogue)

once i have all the audio locked in, then i bring in all my other video clips. sometimes i edit completely chronologically, sometimes jumping from section to section—it depends on the song or how i’m feeling

double check sound mixing. i usually listen to my videos through a few times, with headphones and without to make sure it’ll sound good no matter how people watch it

once i have picture and audio lock, i go through and color correct my clips. i’m basic and just use lumetri color in premiere, and usually just play with brightness, saturation, temperature, and tint until i like it

render and export! :)

i always have several audio tracks, but i try to keep my video tracks condensed. i’ll drop clips on a V2 level, and edit a section there, and drop the whole chunk down to V1 so i know it’s finished. that way when i leave and come back i can know where i left off/what’s done/etc. to give you an idea, this is the timeline for my what the hell video:

i always render as H.264 with high bitrate, and make sure to check “render at maximum depth” and “use maximum render quality” for the best quality. i’m sorry, but i don’t know what the equivalent options are in final cut, imovie, kdenlive, etc. i post on youtube mostly so i don’t have to sacrifice quality, but usually just using a lower bitrate will get you under the tumblr file size limit and it’ll still look good.

as for the anon who asked about “polishing”: first of all, thank you!! second of all, it’s in the details. all of this is a matter of taste and my own insanity, but here are some little things i always try to do:

after i color correct, i blur out any credits from the starts of episodes. i use gaussian blur for this, but really any blur tool works

as much as possible, i avoid clips where we see a character’s mouth move but don’t hear the words. in tv/film we call it “lip flap” and i just think it looks messy. also i’m trained to avoid it at all costs at work hahaha. it’s more for serious videos that this matters a lot to me (e.g. i think i did a really good job eliminating lip flap in my happy ending amv)—for comedy videos i don’t sweat it as much

i put audio fades on the start and end of every single audio clip i use, even if i don’t think i need it, to make sure everything sounds smooth

i use markers for timing, especially in action-y videos like what the hell. i’ll put a marker on the clip i’m using at the exact moment a punch lands, and in the song on the beat. if i have the magnet/snap in timeline tool on i can just easily snap them together instead of having to spend time finagling it

this is such a small thing but i dip/cut to black for a tiny bit at the start and end of every video. this way if i post with tumblr video player, there’s black between the loops, and it gives you a beat before the video restarts. i do this even on videos i post on youtube, just because i think it looks nicer/more professional

this is 1,500 words so i’m going to stop myself before i pull something. if you have follow-up questions feel free to ask and i’ll continue to add them to the vid help tag, but any more questions about sourcing clips or my process in general i’ll just link this post going forward. anyone who made it this far, i am sending to a telepathic kiss. thank you for reading and happy editing!

[trashyswitch]

Two Minds Think Alike

Vanny had just welcomed this stranger, William, into her head: a beige bunny with a shady past. As she tries to understand who they are and what their motives are, she discovers a fun little secret about her new bunny friend.

This fanfic was suggested by @trashylever on Tumblr. This is my first lee!Glitchtrap fanfic! So trashylever, and everyone else, I hope you enjoy!

Vanny was still trying to get used to there being more people in her head than just...herself. He kinda just introduced himself, said ‘I need a home’ and embedded himself into Vanny’s brain without a proper introduction. She didn’t even know who he was. And yet here he is: living in her head. If she’s gonna learn to live with him, she’s gonna have to get to know him.

Vanny closed her eyes and pushed herself deeper into her head. There, she saw the bunny being that had joined her head. Vanny decided to start off like all exchanges do: with names.

“So...Do you...have a name besides Glitchtrap?” Vanny asked. “Or something less mysterious than…’Malhare’?” Vanny asked, using quotations.

The being turned to her with a tired, bored face. “...Afton.” He replied.

Afton? Wait...Why did that name sound strangely familiar?

“Is that...a first name? Or a last name?” Vanny asked.

The bunny groaned and got up. “William. William Afton. Happy?” they spat at her.

Vanny raised her eyebrows. This person’s got quite the attitude. They sound pissed...over a need for a name. “Yes, thank you.” Vanny shot back.

The being looked at her before looking away.

“Are...Are you gonna ask me for a name? Or am I supposed to just give you a name?” Vanny asked.

The guy...William...looked at her from the corner of their eye and looked back down again. “You’re a teenage girl. That’s all I need to know.” the person said.

Vanny sighed and sat down on the ground. “Great...I’m expected to live with THIS-” She pointed to the bunny in front of her, “-For the rest of my life.” Vanny muttered out loud.

The bunny sighed. “Life isn’t fair, sunshine.” They muttered.

Vanny widened her eyes and turned to the bunny with a frown. “Excuse me?!” she walked right up to the bunny and pushed them down with her foot. “Just who do you think you are?!”

The bunny looked up at her with a frown. Then, they scoffed. “Try looking up my name. That’ll give you a pretty good idea.” they spat with a dangerous look in their eyes. Vanny growled and left her mind.

Vanny opened her eyes and hopped onto her phone. She typed the name ‘William Afftin’ into the search bar.

[A-f-t-o-n. AfTON.] the bunny corrected.

Vanny sighed and fixed the name. ‘William Afton’. She clicked the search button and watched as tons of links showed up right away. Tons of links about ‘child killer’, ‘The Man Behind The Slaughter’ and ‘Fazbear Entertainment’ came up. Vanny’s expression turned from annoyed to surprised in a single second. Child killer? Child killer?

She clicked one of the links. This brought up pictures of happy kids, and blurred images of their corpses beside the happy images. They were mostly aged 5 to age 10! Names of previously missing children filled her brain as she read them: Charlie...Cassidy...Fritz...Gabriel...Jeremy… And Susie.

[They were interesting kids. Somewhat ignored by the adults there. No one even noticed they went missing until they got home. Stupid people…] The bunny told her.

Vanny widened her eyes. Holy...How did he-

Vanny scrolled down and looked at the other pictures that came up. There were photos taken of...suits?

[Animatronics. Big robots with endoskeletons and programming designed for anything you want. In this instance, they were disguised as animals and made for kids entertainment. We were the talk of the town at the time! Freddy Fazbear and the Band. Kids loved it.] The bunny explained.

Freddy Fazbear- WAIT A SECOND! “That VR Video Game was based on real life?!” Vanny reacted.

[Yup. That game itself was Fazbear Entertainment’s way of saving their tarnished reputation of child-killing machines. Every entertainment spot the Fazbear company opened, ended up with at least one child or person killed from robot malfunctions.] The bunny explained.

Vanny frowned as she looked at the missing kids. “It wasn’t just robot malfunctions...It was murders too.” Vanny mentioned. “You were the cause of those murders! You killed up to 5 children!” Vanny reacted.

[Yup. Indeed I did.] The bunny replied.

Vanny huffed as she put her phone down and went into her head again. “Why?” She asked. “Did you know them personally? Why would you specifically choose to kill them?” She asked.

“Does it matter?” The bunny asked as they stood up. “I just did.” they replied.

Vanny looked at the bunny. “You’re not a bunny. I wanna see what you really look like.” Vanny told them.

William sighed and closed their eyes. “There’s plenty of images on the World Wide Web to give you a good picture.” they told her.

“I don’t want to use the internet. I wanna see you. The real you.” She told them. “That is, if your former self was programmed into your code.” Vanny mentioned.

William rolled his eyes. “I have no former self anymore. This is it. I’m a glitch shown as a bunny.” William explained.

“You know technology has advanced enough to change your appearance, right?” Vanny mentioned.

William gave her a dirty look. “Well maybe,” William walked closer to Vanny. “Someone didn’t put that into account when programming me into the fucking game!” William spat at her. Then, he leaned his head back a bit. “I’m afraid this is as close as you’re gonna get.” William turned around and walked away.

Vanny let out heavy breaths as she processed the words hidden under his overwhelmingly rude attitude. Despite not actually being responsible for how William’s brain and personality was handled, Vanny still felt hurt by his words. This man, who was once a physical being, is now stuck inside a girl’s head. Even worse: a teenage girl’s head.

Vanny closed her eyes and frowned as she looked at him. “Why…”

William hummed and tilted his head as he looked at pictures hidden in her head.

“Why choose me...of all people?” Vanessa asked.

William smiled a little at that question. He turned around and looked at her with purple, glowing eyes. “Because your curiosities can lead you down a really dark path if you let it.” William told her. “...And maybe I can help you with that.” William offered.

Vanny widened her eyes and stared at the bunny in both horror and awe.

William chuckled at her reaction. “The internet has offered you endless chances to satisfy your curiosities and yet…” William looked at their own hand. “You stop yourself.”

Vanny bit her lip and lifted her head up. “W-Well...that kind of job takes a lot of work to clean and cover up.” Vanny admitted. “And I don’t want the police finding out about my internet searches. They could see me as a suspect.” She added.

William chuckled at the last part. “There are always incognito modes.” William reminded her. “And as a guy who’s been there and done that, I will help you through all the steps. But only if you agree…” William offered.

Vanny’s awe-struck face shrunk down as she backed away. No...No she shouldn’t! She’s worked this hard trying to make a life for herself! She can’t ruin that now!

William hummed and waved their index finger. “Mmm...there’s that doubt. There’s the part of you that’s trying to return back to normal life.” William pointed out. “But that normalcy will not satisfy that instinct inside you. I’ve tried. Eventually, it found a crack and broke right through it. You’ll be better off starting early than spending your life trying to hide it. After all: Therapy always teaches you to let it out rather than shove it inside you.” William explained.

Vanny considered correcting him, but realised that he was still staying true to the facts. So, she let him talk more.

William walked closer to Vanny and gave her a charming, yet sadistic kind of smile. “You and I have something special in common: you and I both wanted to know things only the dark part of the web could provide you.” William said. “I’ve already answered all my curiosities. But you...You’re waiting to get your full answers. The world tells you to stay true to the law...yet your instincts tell you otherwise...” William explained. He started taking steps back.

“Besides: you gotta remember that everyone only has one life. It’s why I’ve been prolonging my life for as long as I have!” William explained. He spun himself around, sprinted up to Vanny and grabbed her shoulders. “Look at me! I’m in my triple digits now! I should be long dead! But I’m not! I’ve cheated death!” William declared with genuine excitement. “And now I have a chance to restart my killing spree...with a new body, and a loyal partner...something I lacked the first time.” William said eagerly.

Vanny smiled at the thought.

“So:” William held out his hand. “Will you be my new partner in crime?” William asked.

Vanny’s smile grew. It was a hard offer to resist. She’s been wanting to do this for so long. And now, she actually has the chance! Finally, after some thought, Vanny nodded and shook his hand. “I’d love to.” Vanny replied.

The two of them spent some time determining their action plans. With just a few google searches, William and Vanny were able to find a new Fazbear Mall that was opening up. And as luck would have it, they were hiring! So, Vanny pulled up her resume. With William’s previous business experience, he helped her sort out her slightly jumbled resume and cover letter. Before they knew it, the resume and the cover letter was sent to the business email. Now, all they had to do was wait.

While they waited, Vanny snuck back into her brain and looked at the bunny with curious eyes. “So...William Afton.” Vanny walked up and poked his shoulder. “What’s your little secret?” She asked.

William looked at her with confusion. “What do you mean ‘secret’?” William clarified.

“My deep secret is that I like really dark things. And I know you do too. But do you have another little secret you’d like to share?” Vanny asked.

William raised their eyebrows and smiled a little. “Like I’d ever share any secrets with you…”

Vanny frowned a bit. “Well, it’s only fair.” She told them. “Plus: we’re living with each other. I gotta know at least a few things about you.” She continued. “And specifically you...not just your history.”

William raised an eyebrow. The bunny had to admit she was stubborn. “Well...Okay.” William took a moment to think. “I was a father of three kids...all who I’ve outlived because… circumstances…” William admitted with a chuckle.

Vanny looked down with wide eyes. “Yyyyup...may or may not have found that within your history search.” Vanny admitted awkwardly.

William let out a laugh. “Wow! Okay.”

Vanny walked up to him. “Did you ever get tattoos when you were younger?” Vanny asked, grabbing his arm and looking at it.

William widened his eyes. “Uuuuuuhhh-” William pulled his arm out of her grip. “No. Even if I did, you’re not gonna see it on me now.” William mentioned.

Vanny looked down at the middle of his bunny tummy and gasped. “Look!” Vanny poked a visible light green little circle. “You have a bunny belly button!” she cooed.

William yelped and doubled over, wrapping both his arms around his belly. “HEY! No touching.” William warned.

Vanny raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “Why? You ticklish?” Vanny asked. “Is de bunny wabbit ticklish?” Vanny teased as she tried to poke his belly.

“No!” William yelled back, slapping her hands away. “And stop that! I am a grown man!” William yelled at her.

“Hmmm…” Vanny leaned over and stared at the bunny’s side while poking it a couple times. “Maybe a grown bunny…” She gave the belly a squeeze. William shrieked and slapped her arm away. “But a grown man?! There’s NO way!” Vanny teased, sticking her tongue out.

William growled. “Bite me!” he shouted with visible teeth.

Vanny stared at him with starry eyes. Even though William was trying to scare her into stopping, his bunny image didn’t help him at all. If anything, it just made things worse! Vanny giggled and snorted at his attempts to frighten her. Lastly: Vanny brought her index finger up to William’s nose and…

*Beep!*

William squeaked and held his nose in surprise and...almost fear. He made his eyes go cross-eyed as he tried to look at his nose, which only added to the cuteness. The moment Vanny let out an excited squeal however, William shot her a glare out of the corner of his eye.

“Don’t even THINK about pulling those stupid, childish-” William yelped as his backside was poked.

“OMG! Your back is ticklish too?!” Vanny reacted. William tried to turn around, but was caught by one of Vanny’s arms around his shoulders. With her free hand, Vanny started crawling her fingers slowly up his back. William’s eyes widened almost immediately as his lips formed a wobbly and crooked smile.

“Oooooh! I see it’s not just your spine…” Vanny started scratching the back ribs. “The sides of your back are ticklish too!” Vanny reacted.

William let out a muffled yelp and shook his head. “SSSTAHAP-!” He yelled at her.

“OH! I’m close! I’m cracking your wall down!” Vanny teased excitedly.

Then, Vanny moved one hand up to the rabbit ears. “I wonder…” She started tickling the inner ear just as a small test. The moment William moved his rabbit ear away and wheezed, Vanny IMMEDIATELY covered his ears with tickles! It was so hard to resist not going for it, when the perfect opportunity had come up!

Now Vanny was tickling his ears menacingly and listening to every laugh, squeak, titter and giggle that left his mouth. It had actually surprised William just how well the programming managed to replicate his laughter as well! Things have REALLY changed since he was younger.

“VAHAHANNYHYHY! THAHAHAT’S EHEHENOHOHOUGH!” William tried to tell her.

“Hell no it’s not! We have tons of time! I still have a response to wait for from the Fazbear company that YOU used to work for. So now I’m just quickly waiting! And while I wait…” Vanny started tickling the base of William’s bunny ears. “-I can see just how ticklish you really are!” Vanny declared.

“NOHOHOHO! UHUHUN- AAHAHAHA-! UHUHUNFAHAHAIR!” William yelled at her.

“Oh I KNOW it’s unfair. But wanna know something else that’s unfair?” Vanny asked rhetorically. “Refusing to tell me a secret of yours after you found out about mine!” Vanny replied to her own question. “Now THAT’S unfair! And just downright rude!” Vanny added.

William shook his head, flapping his ears around as she attacked the vulnerable base of his ears. “NAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEHEHE! COHOME OHOHOHON VAHAHAHAHANNY!”

Vanny smirked. “Whaddaya mean ‘come on’? Are you challenging me?” Vanny asked.

William shrieked and turned himself around to get away. Sadly, this just didn’t work. Vanny quickly wrapped her sneaky arm around William’s back and waist, and used her arm to dip him backwards like they had just flashbacked to the 20’s.

William yelped and giggled quite bashfully at this sudden turn of events, but was immediately thrown back into his frustrated frenzy the moment Vanny tickled all over his belly. “NoHO! VANNY! IHIHIHI’LL KIHIHILL YOHOHOHOU!” William threatened as he fell into another hysterical laughing fit.

“Ooooooh! I see…” Vanny said to herself while she poked and prodded at the green circle that highlighted the bunny’s belly button. “You don’t really have a belly button! Just a little green circle that sticks it out from your tummy.” Vanny explained to herself.

“YEHEHES! YOHOHOU HAHAVE YOHOHOUR AHANSWEHER! NOHOW LEHEHET MEHE GOHOHOHO!” William ordered.

Vanny rolled her eyes with a smile and continued to tickle his belly. “Ever heard of manners? Even dogs develop better manners than you!” Vanny teased.

William growled through his laughter and started to push her away. Vanny sighed and stopped tickling his belly. William went limp in her arms as bits of sweat started to fall down the bunny’s face. Was...was that just an overexaggerated emotion?! Or was William actually able to ‘sweat’? “Ohokahay. Can...can you put me down?...pleeeease?” William asked. His attempts to be polite sounded very childish. But, it somewhat worked.

Vanny smiled and laid William back down. “I-Thank you. Though, you didn’t need to lay me- HAHAHA! HEHEHEHEY- YOUSONOFA- EEEEEHEHEHEHEK!” William accidentally interrupted himself. It turns out that Vanny couldn’t resist sneaking a tickle or two onto his ears again.

“No more statements, Giggly Willy. Just a thank you will work well.” Vanny told him as she stopped fully this time.

William grabbed onto his ears and curled up into a little ball on the floor of Vanny’s mind. It was...Quite hilarious to see a tough, put together man doing such a childish move.

“I...Am content with wo-working with you, but…*huff*...C-Could we keep the tickle attacks to a minimum?” William asked.

Vanny hummed as she thought. She finally sighed. “Fine. Once a month.” she told him. “I’ll tickle you once a month.”

William looked up at her and uncurled himself. “Wanna move that to twice a month?” William asked.

Vanny blinked in surprise. “Bi-weekly?! I thought you wanted to keep the tickling to a minimum.” Vanny reacted.

“For-forget that. I don’t mind them.” William admitted casually.

Vanny did everything in her power to not throw her hands in the air and shower him with tickles. But she knew one thing for sure:

Vanny is never letting William live this down!

[fangirl-everythang]

Happy Father's Day

Summary: (1/3) Y/n hasn't told Harry that she is pregnant yet, however, when the day comes around she finds out he's cheating.

Warning: Swearing, Taylor Swift Bashing (I love Taylor don't get me wrong, it's just for the story's sake.)

Word Count: 1492

It's been 5 weeks since I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to tell Harry the moment I found out. I scheduled a doctor's appointment to confirm it because you can't really trust generic pregnancy. But when the doctor confirmed it, I had no idea how to respond.

Hiding this from him has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Harry and I have been together for almost five years now. We met at his twenty-second birthday party in New York, I was twenty. He was pretty upset that he still had to tour for his birthday, but he said it was great making a new friend. Next thing you know we went public after two and moved in together for our third year. I'm so in love with him, but our careers are taking off, a baby would just interfere with all of it however Harry has always wanted children. He'd make such a great dad too, I can only imagine what our family will look like. But these thoughts often consume me, what if he doesn't want this?

I thought Father's Day would be the best day to tell him, you know like a surprise, and what a better time unless of course, he doesn't want our child. Our parents are coming over because of course, we have gifts and brunch so it's like three for one.

I've been distant from him recently, he's so concerned about me he thinks something is terribly wrong with my morning sickness and all. I figured I'd tell him with a gift which is a wooden base with yarn woven letters made of nails that spells 'dad' with the first ultrasound underneath, there's a card too! I'm so excited to finally start a family with Harry, I just hope he feels the same way. I have mugs for each of our dads that say, 'soon to be grandfather'. Honestly, I couldn't be happier. Opening the front door, I place the keys on the table next to me and walk the bags to the living room. That's funny Harry would've greeted me by now? He's probably asleep.

Setting up for later, I bring the balloons over realizing the tablecloths are upstairs. I work my way up the steps. These are gonna be a hassle with an extra 30-40 pounds on me. The closer I get to the top, I hear a light moan.

"I love y/n, she can't know about this" Harry's voice spoke.

Tiptoeing to peak into our bedroom I see my beloved boyfriend, father of my child shirtless kissing a pant-less Taylor Swift. Wow. Just my, fucking luck. Of course, he would! I mean what was I thinking.

"Of course not, my reputation is already bad" she breathes, cupping the side of his face.

I just watch him continue to kiss her after leaning into her touch. Debating whether to go in there, I feel frozen in my steps.

"This doesn't feel right" his deep voice sighs. No shit.

"She doesn't even care about you Harry, isn't that what you told me?" She says sweetly, such a snake.

He sighs and flips them, the scene before me, causes tears to come to my eyes. Opening the door making my presence known Harry turns to me with wide eyes while Taylor scrambles to find her pants and shirt.

"Y/n it's not-"

"I don't want to hear it" I say to him. Irritation and disgust line my voice. Grabbing the table covers I go back downstairs. I have what I need. After looking at my presentation admiring the work I've done. Harry and Taylor both come downstairs. His eyes red and puffy. I swear the tears make his eyes appear more beautiful, I hope my child has his eyes at least.

Astounded by my quiet stature he sits next to me and I stiffen. I'm just quiet because it's keeping me from crying. Taylor stares blankly at the floor.

"Why the fuck are you still here? Leave." I spit at her.

Oh, how I wish I could drink.

The doorbell rings alarming Taylor. I just walk her to the door and invite our parents in "Thank you Taylor" I say sincerely seeing her nod and pull off fast in her car. Tramp.

"What's that about?" Anne ask,

" New music" she smiles and comes in with everyone trailing her steps.

"Harry what's wrong love?" she asks wiping his tears.

"Nothing just allergies mum" she pats his back and sits at the table.

"Five years, I cannot believe it, Harry it's the longest you've had!" Rob states. "And the fans love you Y/n" Anne adds lightly patting my shoulder. "Our little girls all grown up" y/m/n wipes a fake tear from her eye. Everyone laughs. Thank god Harry is next to me so I don't have to look at him. He places his hand in my lap, but I push it off, going unnoticed by the crowd around us.

"Gift time!" I exclaim as he tries again. Placing each one down in-front of them, they all look up slightly confused.

"What's this?" Y/d/n ask.

"Open them, Haz just wait a few seconds after" they all agree. Rob opening his first then y/d/n they look at me then Harry, our moms looks match Harry's as he unwraps his gift. Stunned he looks at me with tears in his eyes. "Y-you're pregnant?"

"Yeah, surprise." Our parents run up to hug us.

"It's about time, I'm getting old over here!" Y/m/n shouts. Once they leave excitedly picking out baby names. I refuse to look at Harry. I make my way upstairs and begin packing some clothing.

"W-what are you doing?" Harry ask quietly.

"What does it look like Harry?" I say pushing past him going to the bathroom and grabbing some necessities. He just leans on the door frame watching me, still refusing to look at him. At first, I cared but I've made up my mind.

"How far along are we?"

"I'm almost 6 weeks but that doesn't matter" trying to walk past him he just grabs my arm and pulls me into him.

"I love you so much," he cries into my neck. I just stand there, motionless "I'm such a fuck up. Please don't leave me. I want to be here for you, for our baby. Y/n please." His hot tears continue to stream onto my shirt leaving a wet patch.

I soon give in rubbing his back gently. "Calm down Harry," I whisper into his ear as his sobs get louder "Breathe, okay."

Sitting on the closest surface near me, today has been long; I'm tired and pregnant give me a break. He stands between my legs looking down at me. I love him I do, and I want the best for our child, but this hurt. The one request I've had is he doesn't cheat, and he did. I stare at my feet avoiding him at all cost until his hand lifts my chin, forcing me to look at him. "I'm not asking you to forgive me, but I am asking you to stay." He states softly placing a random string of hair behind my ear. He slowly starts leaning in I don't stop him. Suddenly feeling nauseous at the thought of him kissing Taylor, I shove him away from me crying.

He tries to hold me, but I just shake my head frantically, "Harry No," I cry. "How could you!? In our house Harry!" I shout. Continuing to pack my things making myself mad at the thought of his hands all over his ex.

"Y/n I'm so sorry please just stop," clothes I need clothes, just for a few days I'll buy more later. Walking into the bedroom opening my laptop ignoring his pleads. I book a hotel for two weeks, until I situate what is happening. He just sits on the bed trying to see what I'm doing but I soon erased my browser history and factory restarted the device so he can't track anything. Let's combine our accounts so our calendars sync. A swell idea. Wiping my tears, I pack outfits for each day that wouldn't show anything to the paparazzi. He sits there with his head in his hand's sharp intakes of breath audible.

As I approach him, he assumes I'm going to touch him, but I simply go into the drawer next to him. Cringing at the thought of him and Taylor who were here not over 6 hours ago, Grasping the more recent black and white photos gently until I get a photo album for them. Contemplating for a minute looking at the small framed version of my uterus I carefully tear one off handing to him before I seal my bag and walk away, taking my keys and loading my stuff in the backseat.

Looking through the rearview mirror, saying a silent goodbye to the home I hoped to raise my child. It'll get better- I hope.

A/n: Hello Loves! This is also a piece I had on wattpad. Most of these posts today will be Wattpad uploads. I'm trying to see which platform suits my work best. Bear with me while I figure Tumblr out. Masterlist coming soon!

xoxo Janelle

[saralynnx]

Long Time No See -- And a Blog Update

I realize it has been a really long time since I’ve posted any sort of personal gameplay on here. Since February (7 months!) in fact. As much as I hated to stop posting, I had to finally admit to myself that I had some major tumblr -- and Sims -- burnout. So I took a break, obviously. I played Pokemon, read books, and dabbled with some other neglected hobbies until around June-ish. Then I came back to Sims, as I knew I eventually would. And even though I had a nagging little feeling inside that I wanted to come back to tumblr, I knew I still wasn’t quite ready.

Until now. But, it comes with a price...kind of.

Just as the release of Island Living in June(?) 2019 brought me back to Sims 4 for a good while, so too has the release of Cottage Living, even though I had sworn off The Sims 4 after the release of Batuu in 2020. Dammit, EA. I honestly would have probably still stayed away from TS4 if my fiancee hadn’t started playing again, but she has a pretty big influence over me...ahem.

I have been playing Sims 4 for a little over a month now, and with the help of a fantastic YouTube channel called Petey Plays It, I have come to really enjoy and appreciate it for what it is, in ways that I haven’t before. So at this point I was thinking, hmmm, maybe now is the time to come back to tumblr? But I was really conflicted because I had hardcore dedicated my blog to Sims 2, and I didn’t want to disappoint people who had followed me for Sims 2 content. So I considered starting up a new blog for Sims 4, but the effort of building up a new blog turned me off the thought again.

However, recently I have been inspired to retry and restart a 100 Berry Mermaid Baby Challenge that I had attempted back in 2019 after Island Living came out. And I am so inspired and sure of myself that I know now is the time to make my return, and not on a new blog but this one, where I have poured lots of hard work and love into for 3 years now. 

So this is what will be coming to my blog very soon. I know this will disappoint and turn off some people, and I do regret that, but in the end I know that this is my space to do what I want, and that is more important than followers and notes. 

See you soon, everyone.

[vydante]

Restart | 12

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Avengers x Male! Reader (romantically: multiple)

A/N: Missed y'all. I don't think I'm officially off of my hiatus, but I somehow managed to pull a chapter out of my ass after months of radio silence. I really did back myself into a corner with the last chapter, but hey, this is my story and I get to pace it however I want.

Sorry if things are worded weirdly, I'm writing them but they're going through one ear and out the other when it comes to comprehending what I actually wrote. No one will remember what happened, but that's okay. God, I really need a beta-reader... Anyways. Love y'all. XOXO.

Also, sorry if any of the formattings seems off. HTML doesn't really translate well over certain sites. (Tumblr, Quotev, Wattpad, and AO3 are now my main places for posting my works. Anywhere else, that's not me nor was it permitted by me.)

If you want a recap: You're in the process of jumpstarting Project Renaissance after realizing that you've just been doing basically nothing ever since you woke up in your old body. You've also taken to making video logs to report down your progress, and in the last chapter (that was in the POV of multiple video logs), it ended on a cliffhanger with Barnes being discovered and moved to a safe house.

This chapter takes place roughly after the last one. 

If you're currently binge reading this story, this recap is only because last chapter was updated... Roughly more than 7 months before this chapter. So. Yeah. :D

Oh, and let's pretend that either A. Barnes doesn't have a tracking chip in his arm OR B. he did, but you got it out during the whole rescue-escapade. That's my bad, I straight up forgot about that possibility until I was like, close to 4000 words deep into this chapter. Now we're at roughly 8k+... Hehe. Whoops.

_______

You're not gonna call Barnes, Bucky.

There's a personal touch to the nickname that bothers you. How awful it sounds in your ears, to call the former husk of a man a name he no longer recognizes. There's history to that name, both on writing and in memory, though only in sparsity. Plus, it'll be difficult for you to associate Bucky to Barnes. A man with an identity to a man without.

So after the whole debacle of getting him out of the mini-Hulk playbox and into decent dry clothing, when he asks what his name is, you quietly debated to yourself what to tell him.

"... Your name is James Buchanan Barnes," you'd eventually reply.

He doesn't comment on the resignation in your tone, but you're confident that he certainly noticed it- surely, the ticks of being the Winter Soldier was still there, no matter how disoriented he must be. But whether courtesy was something that he hadn't forgotten whilst his brain was refried over and over like leftover KFC wings or he was simply too exhausted to ask, you didn't care.

Granted, for a man who should have a lot of questions on his mind, he's definitely proven himself to be a man of very few words.

An hour goes by, and in the midst of you trying your best to build a solid standing between the two of you, he's said so few words that you could probably count all of them on both of your hands.

If it weren't for the nods of affirmation, you'd think that his averted gaze from you would have meant that he wasn't paying attention at all, but honestly, you knew better than to judge him for that if he actually wasn't actually listening in the first place.

Hell, he could tear up the walls to the high heavens and you still wouldn't hold him against it, so you were just thankful that he was so docile, for someone who could snap your neck if he felt so inclined.

Though, as it turns out confusion and disorientation wasn't the actual reason why he was being so docile, you belatedly realize as you're stood in front of a blank-faced Barnes. You're in the middle of trying to give him a basic tour around the house when he quietly interrupted your monologuing.

"Mission parameters," you echoed his words, though mainly to yourself. He nods, and for once meets your eyes. There's neither confidence nor surrender in his eyes, and that makes your stomach churn. Chances are, he probably saw nothing wrong with asking such a thing.

"You want me to give you- mission parameters. Like- like your handlers would?" You laughed incredulously, but the humor was replaced with subdued hysterical horror.

You were aware of what they were. Aware of the types of hunts his Handlers- bastards- would sick him out on. Aware of what he did without a second thought. You saw those files, if only briefly. That was more than enough for you to see the type of expectations that came alongside "mission parameters".

He nods as if you were stating the obvious.

God.

You opened and closed your mouth, and for a split second, once you got past the horror of being asked to tell him what to do, a subtle realization crawled up your spine. In the midst of your impromptu introduction and briefing, you never really made a distinction as to what role you were supposed to play in all of this.

So it shouldn't be a surprise for Barnes to assume that you're his new- what? Handler? Caretaker? After all, as far as you can assume, that's probably all he knows; all he was conditioned to grow accustomed to, to expect his every move to be dictated by some outsider with no care to the wants or needs that Barnes has.

(Hell, if you were to make a reach right now, maybe Barnes thinks he doesn't have wants or needs. That he shouldn't.)

(In the background, a part of you simmer in silence.)

With your jaw clenched, you make an effort to make your voice as even as can be when you ask him, "You don't need mission parameters, Barnes. You're your own free man. You can- can make decisions on your own. You don't need me to tell you what you need to do."

Pray as you might, there's something about realizing that you said the wrong thing right after saying said words that make you wonder what you did to anger the higher powers that be to put yourself in the situation you're in right now.

Barnes doesn't say anything, but his eyes says it all. Confusion. Realization. Grief. Detachment. His metal hand clenches, and you're man enough to admit that it made your heart stutter in fear.

"I...", he mutters, "... don't understand."

You swallowed.

This...

This is gonna be tough.

_______

It's difficult to explain what self-autonomy and freedom meant to a man who is only capable of remembering being chained and held on a leash like a rabid dog.

Thankfully, it was your winter break, so you had a manageable excuse for being away from "home" for a few days, but you only had so long to try and establish to Barnes that you're not going to be able to be there with him as often as you are now (and even then, the time frame was too small to even make any sense of attachment).

You knew for sure you couldn't always be there for Barnes, so one thing was certain: he had to meet DAHLIA. And thankfully, since the whole safe house was yours, not even your father knew that DAHLIA, your own A.I., would be uploaded into the houses' built-in hardware.

(While the hardware was built with the intention of housing J.A.R.V.I.S. there as a standard, he ended up "moving out" the moment that the house became yours. Something about "not intruding on a teenager's privacy", but you're more than thankful for Tony's afterthought, even if you did end up taking slight advantage of his consideration.)

And surprisingly enough, Barnes wasn't really bothered by the concept of DAHLIA as much as you had initially expected. Of course, he didn't really talk to her, but it wasn't like he talked much in the first place.

(On a side note, it looks like DAHLIA seems to like the house, all things considered... So there's that.)

(The original DAHLIA was never installed here, instead she ended up "living" in a retirement house of sorts in a wooded area of New York. She never said anything about the house, so it's... Kind of endearing, to see that she actually might prefer this house instead. And mildly insulting, considering you personally decorated the other house.)

You ended up spending nearly the whole night trying to establish even the most basic of guidelines: use the bathroom whenever he needed to (you initially said phrased it as "wanted", but he promptly cut you off saying "The Asset does not have wants," which, rude, but also sad); whatever is in the kitchen is available for him to eat whenever, where ever; basic hygiene; and the most important one- if he had any questions, his first source would be you. And on the off-chance that you're not available, DAHLIA is always online and ready to help.

He gave a tentative nod, but you're somehow not confident that he might have interpreted it wrong. You're hoping he doesn't do anything to prove you right.

"Alright. So. Any questions?"

He stares at you for a beat too long before shaking his head.

He's still giving non-verbal answers for the most part, but it's better than nothing. You internally sighed and motioned him to follow you deeper into the safe house.

Considering that it was already pretty late by the time you managed to beat those guidelines into his head (maybe that should be worded better, but you never claimed to be a lyricist; it is what it is), he might be just as tired as you are from how long the day has been.

(Granted, this dude has been "asleep" for who knows how long, but it's the thought that counts.)

"You know where I'm taking you to?" you asked, not really expecting an answer from him.

"No," he responds from behind you. Color you surprised.

You turned into the hallway and stepped up to an unassuming door. You opened it to reveal an equally unassuming bedroom. Muted colors, modern design; it reeked Pepper's doing, knowing that Tony isn't as decoratively-inclined as she is.

Hah, bet she didn't expect that instead of housing you or your dad, it'll go to a super-solder that wasn't Steve instead.

(Not that Steve would ever have a reason to step foot in here, but in this line of work, you'd be stupid to be 100% sure about something.)

You motioned him to come into the room and tilted your head to the bed.

"This is your bedroom, pretty much where you'll be sleeping. There's a bathroom right over there," you motioned to the door adjacent to the entrance door, "and I'll be in the room right next to yours."

Barnes takes a second to process it all, and with a quick scan of the room with calculating eyes, he nods. You absentmindedly scratched the back of your neck.

"I mean, there's plenty of rooms here so if you don't like this one, just let me know and we'll probably move you to another room-" you rambled, secretly trying to get a move on so you'd finally get some shut-eye.

(What? You're not perfect, sleep is heavily slept on in this day and age. Hah.)

(God, you're definitely going to hell.)

"-and you know how to use a toilet, right?"

The raised eyebrow pointed at you definitely proves that that was a pretty stupid question, but hey, you can't take any chances. You shrugged, a tired smirk threatening to form on your lips.

"Well then. Can I leave it to you to settle down for the night, or...?" you left it open-ended.

He didn't say anything in response, only stared at the bed in front of him. There was a pregnant pause, but he nodded at you. There was a strange tilt to his eyes, but you didn't bother to think further into it as you were just thankful that you could finally rest.

"Well then, good night Barnes. I'll come by tomorrow morning and we'll continue to, er," you thought about it, "work, on your situation."

You made a swift exit out of his room and immediately into "your" room, which was literally right next to his. You immediately discarded your clothes and with a brisk shower and teeth brushing, you promptly dropped straight onto the bed with an audible grunt, wet hair soaking straight into the pillow.

Pulling the plush duvet to cover your body, you reached for your phone to check for any messages you might have gotten.

(3 from Tony; he asked where you were. You told him that you're staying at a safe house and that you needed a small break. It wasn't wrong, but definitely an omission of truth. A few days would be fine, right?)

(2 from Rhodey; it's a picture of a Goodwill's, and there's a silhouette in a nearby window of some guy. "This you?" he asks. "No ❤️," you sent back.)

(63 is from the group chat that the Avengers are in- ah, make that 64 and counting. It's just a bunch of nonsense from what you can gather, but you briefly scrolled through it anyways.)

Turning your phone off, you smushed your face into the pillow and sighed, a terrible knot forming at the pit of your stomach. With an open ear, you tried to hear any noise that could come from Barnes' room, but considering that the walls were reinforced and he was already quiet as it is, all you could hear was the AC running in the background.

"DAHLIA," you huffed, eyes drooping, "keep an eye on him, wake me up if anything happens."

"Got it," her voice echoes from the ceiling speakers.

You quietly tucked yourself in bed. As the exhaustion finally started settling in your body, the last thought that lingered in your head was "Man, I hope nothing bad happens tomorrow," before you drifted right off to dreamless slumber.

_______

The next day was, to say the least, a little disconcerting, but a bigger improvement to be sure.

Right after waking up, you begrudgingly put on some daytime appropriate clothes and stepped out into the hallway. You knocked on the door that was right next to yours, and gingerly opened it when you didn't hear much of a response.

"Good morning," you tentatively greeted. Barnes was sitting at the foot of the bed when you knocked on his door. He mumbled back a greeting and stands up to your eye level.

His clothes are still the same from last night, and judging by the clean state of his bed, he either woke up earlier than you expected or he was sat like that the whole night.

You're not too keen on finding out which was the case, but you had to.

"Sleep well?"

You stepped out of the doorway and motioned him to follow you. Briefly glancing down at your phone to see just a few messages waiting for you, you opted to ignore them for now.

"I slept."

He quietly stated from behind you. He avoided saying if he slept well or not, but at least the damn Terminator slept. You mentally deflated a little; the bar was set so low for him, you're not too sure who it's more insulting to- you or him.

(Of course, it's to him, that shouldn't be a question. Your feelings don't matter.)

"We're gonna have to wing this a little, but uh, here's the general gist of what's gonna happen."

Stepping into the kitchen, you're taken aback to last night as he tentatively stands across from you from the kitchen island. Really, you'd opt to go to the living room, but you both radiate too much nervous energy to really sit.

You opened the refrigerator and sighed when all that greeted you was water and non-perishables. Right. You just got here, it's not like there's gonna be freshly stocked food in here 24/7.

"DAHLIA, order some fresh food and get it delivered today. Charge it on my debit," you mumbled quietly.

DAHLIA doesn't say anything, but the refrigerator lights flicker a familiar green hue that keys you in that she heard you. You raised an impressed eyebrow; what an unnecessary feature for a refrigerator to have. You closed the door and turned around to face Barnes.

"I'm here to serve as, say, a guide for," you gestured to him, "your... rehabilitation, of sorts."

"For now, I can't really offer any... Professional help, on a technical level. I'm not- that's not my area of expertise. I'm an engineer at heart," actually, you really liked other things more than being an engineer, but your fate of becoming the CEO of SI was sealed the moment you decided to live with your dad, "so we're going to have to make a compromise on that."

You shook your head.

"If you were anyone else, I'd point you to a shrink," Barnes gives you a confused stare.

"Therapist," you clarified. He nods.

"But quite frankly," Zemo's face flashes in your memory, "I don't trust anyone to properly... Well, I don't trust anyone when it comes to the mental health of you, and the Avengers too, of course."

Pausing mid-rant, you raised an eyebrow at him.

"You... do know who the Avengers are, right?"

He nods and begins to rattle off a pre-scripted monologue. His eyes are blank as he started speaking.

"A group of top priority, compromised of highly skilled individuals, enhanced or otherwise specified. Threat priority ranges from 5 to 9. As of now, 6 active-duty members and 1 reserve member. The Asset is to not engage under any circumstance and reveal-"

"Alright alright, I get it- that's," you're a little offended that you're considered a "reserve member", but that's not technically wrong, "That's a lot to unpack there, but yeah. You- whew, you definitely know who the- we are."

(You've gotten into the habit of distancing yourself from the Avengers the moment that you had become CEO. You're still working on that, but the word "we" still feels wrong on your tongue.)

There's a little more life that came back to Barnes' eyes after you had snapped him out of it, and it's a bit surreal knowing that Barnes just kinda... runs on autopilot when prompted. The image of Barnes being strapped down in a chair and forced to learn and recite those kinds of things by heart is both horrifying and a little funny.

(Do you think they had a set curriculum he had to learn by?)

"So yeah. The Avengers gotta be careful when lookin' for shrinks, and so do you. There's just too many factors that go into gettin' a personal therapist. So for now," you shrugged, "you're stuck with me."

"What are they?"

"Hm?"

"The factors."

You shrugged.

"Well, for starters, you're- you were, HYDRA's prisoner," the muscle around his jaw visibly clenches when you mentioned HYDRA, but you powered through, "so they'll definitely be interested in getting their fight dog back. They're good at blending in and good at getting their musty little fingers into every nook and cranny. I wouldn't put it past them to have one of their agents go undercover as a therapist for hire. So that's one factor: trying to discern who is and isn't HYDRA."

You raised a finger.

"Then there's the fact that because you're such a... shall we say, top priority, er, asset," that word runs bitter on your tongue, "even if your shrink isn't HYDRA, they'll definitely be targeted by HYDRA if it ever came to light that they have a direct link to you. So there's reason number two: loose ends, and the risks that come with it."

You raised another finger. By now, Barnes has a hard but contemplative curl to his lips.

"And then not to mention how unique your case it. Barnes, you've been a POW for decades. Your brain- no offense buddy, but from what I can tell, it's been fried to hell and back. I don't even have to do any fancy brain scans to know. And that's not even including all the other stuff they probably did to you, only God knows."

You shook your head.

"There's too much at risk for you to get proper therapy right now. But. It's not impossible."

You think back to Shuri, and how she and the other Wakandan scientists were successful in both removing the trigger words and rehabilitating Barnes.

Well, you're not sure about the last part, since you never interacted with the Barnes of your time, but you'd assume that they did help with his subsequent mental health. You wouldn't really put it past them- T'Challa was a nice guy, from your limited interactions with him way into the future, and Shuri was buzzing with ideas and energy. If T'Challa's sympathy for Barnes wasn't enough, then Shuri's crave to help and experiment would supplement the balance plenty. Vice versa, too.

So yeah, future-Barnes' mental health was most likely addressed during his time in Wakanda. And it was almost guaranteed to have been a success.

So you're still gonna hold a torch for the possibility that Barnes' can come out of this as a relatively well-adjusted guy.

Not to mention B.A.R.F. As far as you know, the R&D team assigned to that was still progressing smoothly, but the only downside to that was that it wasn't going to be until a few more years before it's "perfected".

You were never really involved in any way with B.A.R.F. since you were both prepping for SI and finishing college. Your dad was definitely more involved in it than you were, but it's not like you could ask him to pull a few year's worths of experimentation and knowledge out of his ass and exponentially boost the rate of B.A.R.F.'s progress, so.

Helen Cho suddenly sprang to mind, but you quickly threw away that thought. Your- well, Barnes'- issue was neurological, Cho was all about cell regeneration and is a geneticist. So unless somehow the issue crosses over with Cho's line of work, she wasn't a possibility either. There was also Strange, but as far as you've heard the man was pretty... abrasive, even as a wizard. Hard to get a hold of, and very... Hard-headed.

Well, all of that was second hand since it came from Tony, but still. Maybe you could pull Tony in for some clout, but that'll just make him suspicious. God, maybe you shouldn't have kept the whole "I'm actually from the future" spiel a secret, otherwise you wouldn't have to be doing all this crap alone.

Oh well. In for a penny, out for a pound.

You sighed, already feeling the dull thump against your skull starting to form.

"So what now?" Barnes asks. He's less tentative than he was last night, but still soft-spoken when he talks.

"Well, you're stuck with me, bud. I'll do my best to get you prepped for the actual rehabilitation, but honestly, that might take a little longer than you'd expect. So, we'll just- well."

You eyed the outfit he was donning, which was literally your clothes- so it was a few sizes too small for him. He doesn't really seem bothered by it, and if it weren't for the fact that he's sort of proved himself to be neglectful of voicing his own preferences, you'd be a little more inclined to appreciate the view of one very, very beefy super-soldier.

But alas.

Life never really works in your favor, so.

"We'll need to get a few essential things out of the way. Food is already on its way, I assume you aren't allergic to anything?"

He pauses, and there goes that familiar glaze forming over his eyes. You sigh, knowing that he was probably searching through his mental "data-bases" for any allergies, but thankfully it's not long as he blinks back into attention.

"None."

"Yeah, I could'a figured, what with your super-soldier serum."

(You're pretty sure that also makes him immune to cancer, but maybe that's just you glorifying it.)

"So: the food situation is cleared. Now, we need to get you some new clothes because, uh, those don't look very comfortable."

"Comfort does not matter. I am adequately dressed."

You snorted. Maybe it's better that you don't tell Barnes that he's wearing a Sharknado tee and some sweats that have "Eat this!" printed on his behind.

(And maybe it's better that you didn't remember that yes, these are indeed still your clothes.)

"Comfort does matter, my guy. DAHLIA, take some quick measurements."

The kitchen light dims and brightens, shining lime green into the kitchen. It lingers and turns back into that white-blue that sometimes makes your eyes burn when you've been up for too late into the night.

"Seargent Barnes' measurements are now on file. You two want to see the available catalog?"

Right where the kitchen island was, a panel opens up to reveal a hologram of a bunch of articles of clothing, all of which has been adjusted to Barnes' size- or an approximate at least, since there's some that's labeled X or XL.

"Barnes? You got anything you want to do right now or...?"

You gestured to the hologram in front of you.

His face contorts a little, not too noticeable at a quick glance. He doesn't look uncomfortable per se, but judging by the downwards curl of his lips, he's definitely not excited to see the hologram.

You flicked your wrist and it disappeared just as quick as it appeared. Strangely enough, his expression doesn't loosen up as his eyes flicker upwards to yours.

"Hey, that's okay. If it's the hologram, that's no biggie, we'll just move over to the, uh, TV in the next room over. C'mon."

You jerked your head and motioned him to follow you. His face laxes and he walks behind you without a word.

_______

You two ended up getting a lot done all things considered.

Barnes seemed pretty bothered by how many clothing choices there are, but when you asked if he wanted you to just curate a list for him, he easily relented. He was hovering over you the whole time, but you weren't too bothered by it as you were too busy browsing for him.

You went from site to site searching for clothes that screamed "The Winter Soldier", but all that was coming up was clothes in fifty shades of black and with no pizzaz. You did pass by a few Avengers-related merch (especially yours), but he said nothing when you added two or three into your cart, so he probably doesn't care. You did show him a lot of clothes that you thought would fit him, and he nodded to pretty much all of them.

By the time you were done looking for clothes, the doorbell had rung.

("That was quick," you reminisced. DAHLIA was quick to respond.

"It came from a nearby Walmart."

"Huh.")

Barnes' head jerked as his eyes were trained on the entrance door. You patted his arm, and his eyes glance at you.

"Relax, it's just the food. DAHLIA ordered some groceries earlier."

You stood up to go answer the door, and Barnes followed suit. You raised an eyebrow at him, but he doesn't really seem like he's gonna back down anytime soon.

"You know... You can follow behind, but you're gonna have to be in the shadows or something 'cuz, you know... Just- if someone's still at the door, don't let them see you okay?"

He nods, almost mechanically so, and you turned around and walked to the entrance door.

Opening the door, you were greeted with a few big boxes. You raised an eyebrow and glanced out through the door; there are no cars nearby, and DAHLIA whispers in your ear that the clearing's safe- not a single life signature anywhere.

"Barnes, the coast's clear," you called out, already reaching down to grab one of the boxes. You grunt, adjusting your grip before you lifted and turned around.

Barnes, having already popped out of whatever dark corner he was in, is already a few feet behind you.

"Hey, you don't mind helping me bring in those boxes, will you?"

You were already walking past him, but you barely caught the briefest flash of furrowed eyebrows before you saw him walk over to the door. You mentally shrugged, but placed the box in the kitchen and went back over to the door to get the other one.

By the time you were done setting down the box, Barnes had already closed the door and was standing under the arch connecting the kitchen to the main hallway.

You motioned him over, and he complied.

"What is inside?"

You're almost proud that you didn't jump. He doesn't talk much, but when he does it always startles you.

"Groceries, but I don't know what specifically. DAHLIA chose all of it. And by the looks of it, she chose a lot. So. You're gonna help me unpack and we'll probably- well, I'll probably make some food. You can help if you want."

Your back was turned to him, and you started unloading the boxes and their contents. Barnes doesn't move for a hot moment, but he squats down next to you and starts unwrapping the smaller boxes that were inside it.

"You don't mind if I put on some music, right?"

You glanced at him.

"I... don't. Mind," he mumbles, tentatively glancing back at you. You gave him a brief thumbs up and turned your attention back to

"DAHLIA, play something chill. Low volume."

_______

Pretty much, the whole day consisted of unpacking all of the groceries that had been delivered. You ended up pausing, having gotten tired of being awake without food in your stomach, and made some food for the two of you.

You tried conversing with him, trying to get him to at least feel more comfortable, and it... kinda worked. There are a few touchy subjects that he doesn't really seem to like talking about (he doesn't really vocalize his discomfort, but his flinches, no matter how minute they were, spoke louder than words). HYDRA, obviously. Anything revolving the Avengers put him off as well, among other things.

Really, most of the eating consisted of small talk and eating noises, but at least some of the tension in his shoulders had lessened by the time that you two needed to get back to unpacking. Hell, by the time that was done, Barnes' clothes had arrived.

(Oh, the benefits of being insanely rich. Say it with me kids: Thank you, Tony!)

You're usually a little apprehensive about buying clothes online, but color you surprised when not only did all of them fit; Barnes didn't have a single problem with any of them.

"You like 'em?"

You whistled when Barnes came out of his bathroom, now back in your clothes that you had given him originally. He tried all of them on, and you ended up buying him so many clothes that a lot of time had passed by the time he was done. You just sat on his bed, slowly collecting all of the clothes and ripping off the tags, damned if he didn't like one of them; you'll just take it instead.

"They're adequate," he nodded. In his hand were the folded clothes (A camo tee and dark sweatpants), and he set them onto his bed with the other folded clothes.

"Did any of 'em uncomfortable? Too tight, any of the fabric feels wrong...?"

You left the question open-ended as you helped him dump it into a laundry bin. He doesn't respond right away as if he didn't hear you. His eyes flicker over to yours.

"... No. They- I..." the muscle under his eye spasms, "I liked them..."

You grinned, "Glad to hear that, guess we got lucky that none of these was a dud, huh?"

The ghost of a smile that was on his lips appeared briefly, but it was gone just as fast as it had appeared.

Really, that had basically been the peak of the day before things had started to mellow out a little bit. But that was okay, you took whatever it was that Barnes gave, and if it was just the smallest smile you've ever seen on a man, then so be it.

Afterward, the day somehow managed to blend together and pass along like an exhale. Not much happened, since you couldn't really- well, offer anything that could scientifically and medically help him. So you opted to just- try to get him up to date as much as possible.

Honestly, by the time that you had gotten through the first three decades (starting when he was born), it was already pretty late into the night.

(He had a lot of questions, and you really didn't blame him. Hell, most of the more personal information really came from DAHLIA, because as much as you sympathized with the man, you really didn't care to learn about his whole entire biography.

But, at least you answered most of the history related questions. If you had to go through a few history college classes back when you were in college, then you'll be damned if you didn't at least make an effort to learn and internalize them.)

Barnes didn't really show any signs of exhaustion if the casual leg bouncing wasn't enough, but you sure were pooped.

(What? Unlike your dad (and most of the Avengers) you actually had a normal internal clock. For the most part, anyway.)

"Well, as much as I liked talking about prehistoric times," you sounded sarcastic, but you actually did like it, "I gotta sleep, I don't run on super-soldier energy like you do bub."

You stood up, stretched, and saw that Barnes was now standing up as well.

"Should I...?"

Raising an eyebrow, you huffed in good nature, "Go to sleep? Yeah, probably. We're not done with the History101 crash course, and we'll probably be talking about other things tomorrow as well," especially about the fact that you're not gonna be at the safe house often soon, "so we both need the energy for that. So, go clean up and get some Z's, yeah?"

"Oh."

He looked a little lost but followed you back into your shared hallway. Stopping in your doorway, you turned your head to glance at Barnes.

"Good night, Barnes," you nodded, not waiting for a response as you headed into your room. It was quiet and almost inaudible, but you still heard it with your ears before you had closed the door shut.

"... Good night."

You stood in your room, a sudden wave of both exhaustion and dread flooding your body. You shook it off though; it was just the nervous jitters hitting you at an inopportune time.

But really, you trusted your guts almost as much as you trusted Tony.

So as you brushed your teeth and did your business in the bathroom, you tried to quell the anxiety that was building up in your chest.

"DAHLIA, keep an eye on him."

"Gotcha, doll."

You sighed, dropped onto your bed, and hoped that whatever it was that might happen, you'd be prepared for it.

_______

And lo and behold, it didn't even have to be the next morning before shit all hit the fan when DAHLIA wakes you up in the middle of the night (3 A.M., to be specific).

"-oll, wake up! Barnes is having a panic attack!"

It takes half a second to process the fear in DAHLIA's voice. It takes another to process her words.

Fuck.

Scrambling immediately out the bed, you thanked whatever higher being there is that you were sleeping with at least some sweatpants on as you booked it straight to your door and right through Barnes'.

(Maybe you should have joined the football team, because that would have been one wicked tackle. Ha, yeah right, you know nothing about football.)

The lights were on, most likely DAHLIA's doing, and his bedsheets were clearly mussed up. He's nowhere to be seen, so your eyes jump to the joined bathroom door, and lo and behold, there was light bleeding through the cracks.

You quickly approached the door and opened it, throwing away the worry that he might have been absolutely naked.

The good news was that he wasn't nude.

The bad news was that he was hunched over on the ground, right in front of the bathroom counter, and he's gripping his head so tightly you would have thought his skull would have caved in.

Terror shoots down your spine like a lightning bolt, and you immediately rushed to the curled over Barnes, adrenaline rushing through you as a million thoughts ran through your head.

"Barnes!"

He doesn't appear to hear you, groaning and panting as he further curled in on himself. His muscles spasm, hard, and you're at a loss at what to do. He's sickly pale, and the sheen on his skin makes you want to vomit. His panting is shallow, and if you weren't sure if the glint that shone in your eyes was the reflection off of the marble floors or a puddle of saliva coming from Barnes.

You're not sure if touching him right now is a good thing, but you'll be damned if he wasn't your responsibility now. You reach out to him, wrapping one arm around his hunched back and the other trying to pry at his wrists.

(Would you have touched him, if you didn't have the reassurance that DAHLIA has your back?)

(Shut up.)

Maybe you were tensing up for him to go all "Winter Soldier" mode on you, but he's the one that tenses, even more, when you touched him. Thankfully, he doesn't resist your pull as his arm is limp the moment you tried to pull it back, but it doesn't change the fact that he's shaking, badly, and your mind is frozen in limbo.

"DAHLIA, what-"

You're at a loss for words, but DAHLIA, sweet DAHLIA already knows what you were about to ask.

"Sergeant Barnes was displaying elevated levels of anxiety, however, it did not seem to warrant any mentions. I thought-"

She cuts herself off, almost as if she was worried that she had made a wrong call. You swallowed, knowing that despite being a baby A.I., she's never done wrong by you- both in the future and now.

"You thought what?"

You try to rub Barnes' back as if he was a dog that had needed soothing. He groans, but you're not sure if you should interpret that as a hurt groan or a relieved one. You paused and moved your hand away, hovering it just inches away from his back, and his breath hitches.

Your hand dropped onto his back once again, and you could feel the muscles on his muscles spasm a little; his whimpers aren't as loud and painful (though, they're still more than worrying).

So, on the very small bright side, back rubs don't seem to be hurting him either. It's a small win, but a win for sure.

"You- my visuals were clear in the conclusion that you saw it. His discomfort. Your body language and expression acknowledged it but you refrained from addressing it. I- acted under the assumption that it was all under control..."

Something in your mind pauses for a pregnant second before your eyes widened.

"What?"

DAHLIA doesn't even get the chance to reply as Barnes jerks his hands away from yours and pulls at his scalp again. You lurched forward.

"Hey! No!"

You bit back a growl as you grabbed his wrists once again. You yank them back down to his sides as his body jolts, a sob ripping through him. You placed a hand on his chest and tried to boost him back up so he'll have his back against the bathtub that's behind him.

He offers little to no resistance as his back makes contact with the bathtub, but he's slumped into himself. He pulls his knees forward and curls his head into them. For a super-soldier, it's almost cute how hard he's trying to take up as little space as possible if it weren't for the fact that your heart was absolutely breaking at the sight of him.

"Oh, Barnes..."

In shuddered breaths, he mumbles something incoherent.

"...-an't, I- I- I-.... -can't..."

He shakes his head, jolting as if someone had shocked him. You rubbed his arm, glancing down at what you can now confirm to be a puddle of saliva, and then over to the trash can right next to the toilet. You're not too sure if you should get it just in case he decides to vomit, but you're ready to lunge for it the moment Barnes shows any signs of gagging.

"DAHLIA," you spoke at a lower volume, "what- when was he, um, uncomfortable."

"Two nights ago, roughly 22:00, when you told Sargeant Barnes that he was his own free man. Yesterday morning, 08:00, when you asked if he wanted to do anything prior to browsing the available clothing catalog. Right after, he was also discomforted by the catalog, before you offered to buy clothes for him. At-"

"That's- that's enough," you breathlessly muttered. DAHLIA doesn't say anything else, but the air has suddenly become heavier than you remembered.

Your head was almost dizzy with not only how many instances Barnes had been anxious in such a short time, but also at how you remembered each and every instance with startling clarity.

Barnes was anxious at the idea of freedom, but you put it off and opted to just give him a nickel tour of the house.

Barnes was anxious when you asked if he wanted to do anything before looking at clothes, but looked too relieved when you brushed over it.

Barnes was anxious at the idea of shopping for fucking clothes but was okay after you took over for him.

The taste of stomach acid burned your tongue, as yesterday's dinner threaten to rise at the implication of all of this.

"DAHLIA," you mumbled, "the- the rest of those instances- do they..."

You trained your eyes on Barnes.

"Do they all- follow the same... The same- pattern?"

DAHLIA was always in tune with you, even after the time jump.

"... Yes," she lamented.

"God..."

Now, you're not sure who that trash can would be really for; you or Barnes.

"Barnes..."

You murmured quietly. He flinches, and his shaking hasn't gotten any better.

"What- what was it? Was it- was it all too much? God, I'm so sorry, it probably was, wasn't it? I should have- fuck, I should have taken it more slowly, I-"

Barnes shakes his head, stopping you in your rambling. You blinked rapidly.

"Then- was it..." you paused, "... Was it the choices?"

It's almost expected that he doesn't answer you straight away, but he nodded anyway.

"I... It was- it was too much- I couldn't- I don't know- I-"

His breath shuddered with each word as if it hurt him to just even speak right now. You shushed him, ignoring the intrusive thought that it was akin to shushing an animal.

"Hey, hey, it's- it's okay. You'll be okay."

It's not much, what you're saying to him, and it's no surprise that they didn't do much anyway.

Honestly, you didn't know what to say at this point. There didn't even seem to be any phrasing in the known English language that would be able to comfort a man with as much baggage on his shoulders as Barnes, and briefly, just briefly, you wished that you were literally anywhere in the world, but here.

You tried thinking about anything that came from your (albeit limited) interactions with him between the past days that would help ground him, before something jolts you from deep within.

("What are my mission parameters," Barnes asked from behind you.

You paused.

"Mission parameters?")

You didn't even realize that you had said that out loud, but Barnes had tensed up even more before you could even take it back. He held his breath, audibly swallowing.

("You don't need mission parameters, Barnes. You're your own free man. You can- can make decisions on your own. You don't need me to tell you what you need to do.")

("I... Don't understand...")

You spoke on impulse.

"You... You need them, don't you? Mission parameters."

Immediately, you regretted even speaking up just as those words left your mouth.

While every fiber in your being hoped that it wasn't true, there was a small inkling in your head that already knew the answer to your question. It was the only thing that was barely even logical enough to make sense.

His apprehension of making a choice.

How uncomfortable in his own skin he always appeared, despite it even being just a few days.

How relieved he always looks, when the choice was already made for him.

His body tenses underneath your hand, but it's the slight bob of his head that makes your stomach drop. You thought- what a fool you were- you thought he'd be okay without being ordered around, but that was nothing but wishful thinking.

(What was the saying? It's hard to teach an old dog a new trick, was it?)

(Yeah.)

Looking at how only a few days of what you had originally thought was Barnes' newfound freedom turned out to be much more of a nightmare for Barnes, it might just be better for the both of you to push aside your comfortability and start making an honest-to-God investment into Barnes' recovery, even if that means that you had to take a step backward.

A very, very risky step backward.

It was a shot in the dark, but it was the only thing that you could place your bets on for now.

You just hoped that your aim wouldn't fail you now.

"Okay, well... How about this, Barnes, here's your main- your main mission, okay? Become a free man. Hey, no, look at me," you swiveled his head so he could look at you. His eyes were panicked, crazed, and irredeemably sad, but you had to make sure nothing crossed through your face so he'd know that everything will be okay. Your grip on both sides of his face was firm as you pleaded with him.

"Your only 'mission' right now? Breathe," ironically, his breath hitched, "If not for your own sake, then for mine."

You swallowed, heart stuttering as you looked into his glassy eyes.

"Please," you let your desperate prayer lingered in the air.

Maybe it was being given a task to accomplish after days of trying to figure out what to do with his supposed new "freedom", or it was how non-labor intensive and just... simple, his new mission parameter was, but it was almost instantaneous how all of the tension in his body dissipated into thin air.

Witnessing the moment of mercy upon grief through Barnes, no matter how brief or temporary it may be, was almost cathartic.

Almost.

(Perhaps you shouldn't be looking for absolution vicariously. But you were never really a good person, were you?)

_______

A/N: I've read a lot of WinterIron fics. While I have read a lot of interpretations about how Barnes would have reacted when he was freshly freed from HYDRA, this is how I choose to interpret it- one that would best fit the story for now. Next chapter, since I couldn't fit it in this chapter, is a special, but it is very much important and related to the story, and Barnes as a character. If you're familiar with some WinterIron tropes, this won't be too foreign of an idea. Not too sure about other ships/ stories, but. Ah, I'm rambling. Anyways, see you next year lol.

_______

Masterlist 

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Tagged: @unsolvetheheckoutofit @tonystanktheirondad @ludwigvonbaethoven @rspctot7 (if you’re not @/ fabledxmystery, so sorry for the mistag! LMK if it’s not you) @tolkoskott @klanceiscannon14 @deos-life (grr it won’t let me tag you) @kp1183 (kperla1183) @xyuriko-akamine (akabaneyuriko) @kettnerjanea​ @soldier-42 @daybreakmistakes @spnfanboy777 @crash-zite @jm-cy

[strwberrytae]

So Long, Farewell, and Goodbye For Now -

“I don’t know how you are so familiar to me—or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before—in another time, a different place, some other existence.”     - Lang Leav

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Hello, You ♡ Yes, You. You ethereal, beautiful being. I am writing to you with bittersweet yet wonderful news - depending on the perspective. I am writing this post to inform all of you that I will no longer be writing for this blog for the foreseeable future. What I mean by that is that I am not giving up writing forever, no. But my life has changed so much over the last two years, I do not see myself writing again for quite some time. But don’t worry! I will be back!

Below the Read More section, I have poured my heart and soul into the real reasons why I’ve made this decision. I warn you, it’s lengthy but it’s everything that has led up to this over the years. So, if you fancy, have a read. If not, I bid you farewell and wish you all the happiness in the world. Thank you for supporting me so far. I truly appreciate it and love you all very dearly. Now, if you wish to read it at a later time, I will have a link available on my page at all times for anyone who is curious. It’s a hell of a story if you ask me ~

Edit: Made by Me - also, a surprise photo at the end Warnings/Triggers: Talks of emotional abuse, depression, and suicide but also happiness and love -

When I first started this blog, it was 2016. I had been on Tumblr for over a decade now but BTS led me to writing passionately for 2 years. I was incredibly active and utterly consumed by this website. Not just for the writing, but I was so obsessed because of my friends and mutuals that I made along the way. Can I just say that I’ve met some incredible people on this platform - including my best friend and soulmate? Truthfully, the absolute best friend I have ever had. But more importantly, Tumblr was my greatest escape. I mean this website truly has been my saving grace through very dark times.

In that part of my life, I was in an extremely toxic relationship; by then, it was 6 years I was with him. He was emotionally abusive, had such a short-fuse temper, hated everyone I knew which led me never really seeing any of my friends after college, knew I was anorexic and did nothing to stop me, knew I had depression since we started dating and always argued it as if it wasn’t real, crushed my dreams and ambitions, mocked potential suicide attempts, expected me to just abandon all hope to ever leave home to explore someplace new or get a job that I actually love. He was...just the worst. Never hit me though, so I’m grateful for that. But sometimes I wish he would so it would have given me the voice I needed to get out of that relationship much sooner than I did. But regardless, because of him plus having a soul-sucking job that wore me down to the core, Tumblr was my escape. BTS was my escape.

I fell hard and I fell deep. I created a fantasy world within this world. All of my dreams, fantasies, desires, and hopes were poured into my writing. My imagination was running wild. My activity was through the roof because I was always on here day in and out, just pretending like the outside world didn’t exist. It consumed me...but I needed it. Looking back, it was pretty excessive. At the time, I seemed perfectly normal because everyone else was just as active and saying the same things and doing the same things. I felt a belonging, like I fit in.

But I hated the person I became. It took me getting yelled at, mocked, ridiculed, and belittled by my ex to snap me out of that illusion I built and back into reality. That was the roughest night that we had filled with lots of screaming on his end and crying on my part. He thought my obsession was sick. He thought it was disgusting. It all started because he found fake texts I had made with Jimin and Tae. Don’t recall the story it was a part of but he thought they were texts with the actual members… In my eyes, I should get credit for making them look so legit but he didn’t see it that way. He thought fangirling over men was essentially cheating. No matter how hard I tried to explain, he didn’t understand. But a part of his view was right. I learned that I was a bit too much into it and I really needed to take a step back from Tumblr for a while. So I did. I deactivated my account and disappeared for months. Also because he made me and threatened our relationship if I didn’t. Should have taken the out but ah well.

Just two months prior to this incident, I attempted suicide. Well, contemplated. Everything was planned out. Bought a hotel room for Thanksgiving night as I was working a super late shift until about 1-2am. My commute home was an hour long and I still had to come back to work at 7am. So I got a room. Brought a large amount of pills with me and I was going to call it. No notes written to friends, family, or loved ones. Nothing. I was done. Didn’t think anyone would miss me. I just figured the world would keep turning without me. I had thought about doing this several times before but this was my first time making plans for it. It was my lowest of the low. But then I met someone that night that changed my life entirely just in a 10 minute interaction of talking - nothing special. We’ll get to that later. But this person just gave me hope and to this day, I still can’t explain it. It was euphoric. I felt clarity. It was in that night that I thought I might hold out just a little bit longer.

And thus @strwberrytae was born - but it was far from the same. At first, I restarted the blog in secret. Why would I do this? Why would a 25 year old open a blog in secret? Well, two months after the awful fight, my ex proposed to me and I said yes. I know. Believe me, I know. I was scared. My depression was getting worse again. I no longer had an escape except for books. All I did was read so I had some sort of reality to be in besides my own. But returning to a brand new blog did not give the same satisfaction as returning to an old blog.

I worked so hard on my first blog and this redo, I tried to consider it as a gift. Perhaps this was a chance to start anew and rebrand myself. This optimism kept up for quite some time. Slowly, I added my favorite past works then added some new chapters. If you’ve been here with me since 2017, you would know that my appearance on Tumblr was still not the same. Then I got married in October.

An empty, loveless marriage that I regret to this day. Needless to say, my writing and activity on Tumblr was still practically non-existent as I was still too scared of getting caught. Even though he finally gave me permission to use it again because he could tell how miserable it was making me. Yes, gave me permission. Thankfully, it all ended after a year. I finally went to a therapist even though I hated them so much and all past therapists I had. She was pretty great. Within five sessions, I summoned the courage to break up with this guy. I was finally set free. Nearly 9 years together and I finally felt like I could breathe.

Unfortunately, although I was free, I had to live with the guy for about 5 months after the breakup. Which was beyond rough, believe me. Imagine someone writhing in pain and bawling their eyes out and venting non-stop about all of their faults and wrongdoings every single day. At the end of the day, as shitty as he was to me, he was my best friend too. We went through a lot of shit together and he did have some good sides to him too. So witnessing this was horrendous. Needless to say, I wasn’t getting much privacy either. Writing was not my top priority. Now it’s 2019 and things changed drastically for the better - and worst.

Remember the person I met in 2016 on Thanksgiving night? Well, that person is someone I crushed on every since that night. For 2 years. People, I’m telling you. He did absolutely nothing special that night. He didn’t flirt with me. He didn’t check me out. He didn’t do anything remotely to make a girl swoon but I was so drawn to him. The only word that could describe it was “cosmic” - beautifully cosmic. 

Well in January 2019, 2 months following my break up, he came into my store one day. And my god did he look incredible. He was dressed head to toe in black - a fitted black suit at that. He even wore this long, designer jacket to match. Hair shaved on the sides with beautiful, thick dark hair on top. So tall - 182cm. A smile that could kill; quite literally. The canines are on point. He looked like a five course meal. That day, he definitely flirted with me. By the end of the week, we had our first date. Sadly, I also lost my job in the same week and was unemployed for a year because no one would hire me. I was laid off and one of my seniors took my job. Of course, they needed to keep me around for the holidays and then give me the boot. I was devastated. I hated that job so much as it only aided in fueling my depression but losing it was definitely an amazing thing. And! I survived on my savings and definitely didn’t spend my time writing. I had life to sort out last year - like from the ground up. No worries though. I got a job in February 2020 and I love it, so it’s all good, baby. Now I’m in the health field and feel like I’m actually helping people, which I love.

Now, here we are 2 years later and I’m engaged to the man.  Someone who makes me smile everyday, believes in me, encourages me, let’s me be 100% myself, travels with me, taught me how to love myself, taught me to accept my body, gets me on a level that only my best friend could, and someone who goes above and beyond every single day to show me how much he loves me. Bonus, he welcomes my love for BTS with open arms, reads my writing, AND has even been sucked in himself to the fandom. Jungkook and Jimin, look out. You got another fanboy. I thought true love was impossible for me but I was very, very wrong.

He has shown me that I can be happy and I have finally experienced true happiness. When people ask how I’m doing, I don’t cringe and lie through my teeth. I smile and say that I am doing well because by George, I am. Everyone around me has seen me over the last two years and made the comment, “you look so much happier”. They meet him and swoon just as much as I do. Is he perfect? No, he’s not. He has flaws just like everyone else but he actually grows and learns from his mistakes to better himself. That’s what amazes me the most. Even if we argue, which is seldom, he refuses to let it go without resolution so we can always fix whatever the issue is. As we like to call it, we’re in-sync. In everything, we’re always so in-sync. I’m wildly in love, my dudes.

So, why am I not writing anymore? To put it simply, I’m happy and don’t really feel the desire to write anymore - at least not fanfiction. Even when I was super young, like elementary school, I used writing as an outlet for my dark escape. I wrote poetry primarily and by middle school, it turned to fanfiction for Supernatural, Simple Plan, and Panic! At The Disco. Along with a very long list of other bands and shows but anyways. I’ve been severely depressed since I was 15 and fanfiction put me in this hole that I couldn’t get out of. I relied on this method to help me get through all the bad shit I was dealing with. It was my coping mechanism.

Now? While depression never truly goes away as the lovely disease that it is, I am genuinely happy. Because of this, when I opened all of my past works and works in progress, I felt nothing but guilt. Guilt for not keeping up with my chapters or keeping my account active. I felt dread to have to escape in this world that I had created. I felt no joy or excitement. It was the strangest feeling that happened all in a matter of seconds. Thus leading to my final decision to take a step away from writing. Do I still love it? Absolutely. But now I think I’m going to re-route and focus my writing on what I love - reality. I’m going to get back into journaling and write essays about love and beauty as I’ve always loved to do. But for escaping into a fantasy world? I don’t know when I’ll be back.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “But you can write and be happy!” Nah fam. Writing has been my aid through dark times and now I mostly associate it with those dark times. And for once in my life, I feel this desire to enjoy reality and remain in it - with the exception of journaling here and there. Even daydreaming is difficult. It’s strange. I love my reality. This sounds like gloating now but it’s truly a remarkable feeling. When you’ve been battling depression for 15 years, it feels really freaking nice to say that I’m happy.

So that’s why I’m taking a break - in a very long, drawn out way. But my hope was that after this long story, you might understand truly why I am doing this. It would have been easier to just say that writing doesn’t bring me joy anymore but I feel that I owe more than that; especially because I really don’t know if I’ll write for this blog ever again. The last time I took a break, I disappeared without being able to explain myself and I wanted to do so now that I have the chance.

Ultimately, thank you to everyone who has stuck by me over the years. It’s truly been one hell of a rollercoaster. The friends I’ve made on here have seen me at my lowest of the lows. But hey! I’ll still be around. I just won’t be publishing or continuing any of my works anywhere in the near future. Seriously though. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This website has helped me tremendously and I’ll never forget it. Besides, there’s lots of other exciting things happening in my life now so you’ll certainly see me pop in here and there to talk about it ♡

If you wish, you can message me for questions or anything you want to know. I’m an open book - at least about most things hehe. And don’t worry. I still very much love Taehyung and still wildly obsessing over how marvelous he is. Umf.

(here’s some recent photos of me as i rarely take selfies anymore haha. and a derp photo of me and the man i love >_< why is the cutest photo of him with the worst photo of me? still cute though hehe)