#I have to process this for a day and bawl reading this

[mellowwillowy]

Oh what? You dont get enough appreciation if my ask got you like that! Your stories are awesome!! While i will shamelessly admit its the oc x reader thing that lure me in, the way you love your characters sm that you keep developing them is exciting for me too! Before sending my previous ask i read all the webtoon, while im really lost (i understood it after few reread) uphill daisies, the lovecraft one is very fun and so cute! Lovecraft is my fav webtoon of yours. While I, once again shamelessly, feel sad if there's no reader content (im needy of their attention and need to be included LOL) i understand how hard it is to include a reader into your projects and i also understand if you want to grow your characters as their own series rather than fanservice characters and to be honest! Im excited with lovecraft series (im taking my time absorbing uphill daisies T—T) take your time writing though! Drawing multiple webtoon with such complicated world building and lots of character must be difficult and time consuming, cheering for ya!

tbh i miss yulian.. I'm tempted to pick up writing again to make a fanfic of him myself but mischaracterization my WORST enemy! Sorry i got too excited that you feel appreciated of my ask that i rambled more T—T

- love letter anon.

Bawling crying curling vomiting (but actually the curling is kinda real because my stomach hurts) reading this love letter!

What better way to market a series if not to make readers fall in love with them? Shameless (x GN Reader) fanservice! And as for the lack of reader content, it kinda is true in UD because it's meant to be a mystery/crime series buuuuuuuttttt for the CatboX series, there'd be 'readers' appearing in the series.

LCH will have approximately 6-7 readers (although they are more of a character, I still consider them to be a romanced readers), with almost all the main characters paired with at least one reader! The one with the most spotlight is expected to be Scribe (Caelus) because he's my favorite.

As for another unpublished CatboX series would be 'The System Forbids' for the 2025 contest (if I have enough time to spare after finishing at least 3-5 episodes of UD). The OG novel protagonist (aka FMC) is pretty much the reader with the amount of romcom going on although it's not the best x reader.

Identity Crisis is pretty much Blue with reader except it's girlfriend now. His character is still problematic (yandere?) in the series [IC has no chance of being republished for now]. Yulian is Yulian. He's also problematic and I can kinda see the slander he'll receive if UD is published until the ending.

Why am I yapping (slaps slaps slaps), anywayyyyyyy words can't express how much I love your support. Thanks for sparing your time to read my current works (and years years ago work…). It really motivates me to keep going and makes me know there's still someone waiting and reading my work.

For you getting confused over UD, lemme tell you something, it’s because the second episode is a bad pacing decision, and makes no sense to be slapped out of nowhere without a proper continuation. The only good thing from that webtoon right now is the opening so I am amazed if you can even understand a bit of it (because I won't as a reader)

I've always had the dilemma of making my webtoon. Most times I wish I could just tailor myself according to what's trending (like Yulian or Blue) but I ended up working on other characters and feel bad for providing 'who the fuck' stories. Another concern is that the 'reader' is now an established character with personal lore to the point it no longer feels inclusive… not to mention I mostly make GN content, it kind of concerns me how every GN reader here would feel (Since it's all just female and I have no plan to add new readers).

Regarding mischaracterization, I understand you sm anon TwT. Even I as their mama sometimes OOC them! And if I'm not OOC-ing them, I'd cringe reading the answers to asks despite being in character (pls why are you so wattpad-y). It's a struggle but I don't mind reading it, I've read countless mischaracterized Yulian in my asks haha. (So sorry, he's not an exemplary father, the last in the ranking board if he even made it to the leaderboard…)

My plan currently is to write more content according to what webtoons I'm going to publish.

[salemlunaa]

THE ACT OF SHIFTING CONSCIOUSNESS IS OWED TO YOU ❃

No matter what your aims are, shifting is for you and will always be easy.....

There are many things people can do with the void state/the state pure consciousness, and no matter what you are doing you need to know that shifting is owed to you. And in my asks and dms it’s made clear that a lot of you don’t know the different forms that shifting can come in

So before i get into it, Let’s get acquainted with the different ways you can utilise the void in terms of shifting!!…

Standard shifting

A person who will shift with the intention of coming back to where they are now aka their base or current reality. Being this person, you may have multiple drs you want to go to and will have “safe words” which can bring you back to your cr when you want

example: having a winx dr, having a kpop dr and a nepo baby dr at the same time, frequenting between each one, or which ever one is their “main” dr

Permashifting

A person who has one reality that they want to shift to, forever, perma-shifting= permanent shift, you can still have ties to your old reality and have memories from it but ultimately you can’t go back unless you tried to by shifting again, which wouldn’t be that much of a hassle because you still have some recollection of your old reality

example: Leaving your old reality while still having some recollection of the life you live before. You live this life recognising that you have shifted to get here and you are still somewhat tied to your old reality

Respawning

Being this person, you will have one reality that you live in forever. It’s kinda in the name, you reset, as soon as you shift consciousness to you desired life, it was always your life, you will cut ties with whoever you were before and live this way forever. A lot of people script a time stamp in which they forget everything, you will have pre prepared memories from birth up until the day the present day. You are expecting to live the rest of your life in this reality.

a smart example from a dm from one of my consenting mutuals: “I’ll shift there and it will be 02:00 I’ll be all excited about the fact that I shifted, have time to give my success story and bawl my eyes out from sheer happiness, and around 4 hours in (about 06:00 ) I will forget everything and fully cut ties with who I used to be and the life I used to live”

I want you to resonate with one and apply your knowledge where you need to because shifting consciousness is owed to you. Whether you’re doing it for a small while, going to multiple realities or one big shift of your consciousness cutting ties with where you were before. It doesn’t matter, it is owed to you and it is easier than breathing.

If you have a conscious mind, which yes you do or you wouldn’t be reading this, then you have a subconscious mind, and that means that shifting consciousness is a basic ability for you.

There is no such thing as something too big, one form of shifting isn’t “easier” or “harder” than another so whatever you wanna do, don’t be scared, you’ve got this!! There is a reason you’re here. Your subconscious mind knew you didn’t deserve all that you went through and all that you are going through and it led you here. Because of the horrible way humans have been conditioned, we live in a world where people mock shifting which is ironic , as it is a basic ability just like walking and talking, except it uses the mind and not the physical body. I want you to think of your desired reality/realities, whether you are thinking of 12 or 4 or 1, you need to understand that your desired life already exists, you already have it. It’s not a dream, you’re god, you give life to all that you touch with your mind.

I don’t think you really understand so I will say this again:

what you see: script + void/“I AM” state ➯ my dream life is finally real, me and my physical body are finally in my dream reality

you see yourself and some small part of some bigger process, when in fact, you are everything and everything is instant

what actually happens: i’ve created my dream life in my head ➯ as god i give life to everything my i touch with my mind, there for it is real

it’s an immediate chain of events, not a process. stop relying on the I AM state to give you something you already have, the void state helps you shift consciousness to a reality that is already there, and nothing more than that , it doesn’t create, you have already created. you have the power, the void is just a state of pure consciousness that helps you shift your awareness to which ever reality you wish to go to.

side note: As a respawner, all are welcome here, especially my fellow respawners and my permashifters (it’s nice to see both communities grow as i never used to see posts for permashifting or respawning)

no matter what you intend to do with the information you have learned on this app, your desired reality is yours, it was owed to you the second you thought of it

so stop doing nothing about the information you have, you don’t have to struggle in life, throw the teachings of society out the door and realise you can have all that you want, whether that be 1 dream life or 20!! LOCK IN MY LOVES

GET EXCITED ABOUT YOUR NEW LIFE/LIVES, ITS OWED TO YOU!! 🎆💋

[fiendishfables]

hello!! i saw ur blog and i was super excited to see another aroaceee is it alright if you do platonic adam x reader headcanons? he can be reader's friend, sibling, or preferably reader's father figure as long as its platonic, anything u'd like is fine! sorry if my request is kinda weird lol, i just haven't seen a lot of platonic hazbin hotel stuff (especially stuff with adam in it)

a/n: Always good to meet other aroace individuals, indeed. I personally love Adam, he is absolutely my favorite character. I’ve been dying to write for him more and thinking of him as a dad is just my favorite scenario-

warnings: cursing, Adam being Adam, brief mentions of sex, subtle hints at Lute x Adam (if you squint)

words: 944

additional notes: this was one of my first asks I ever got; I AM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT. Enjoy~!

Adam as a Father Figure

Headcanons

First of all, he never expected to actually have a kid of his own, but now here he was

By the time you turned 6, you knew about every single curse word in existence, along with a (disturbingly) decent amount of female anatomy

Lute gets promoted to babysitter

When Adam is off performing with his band or needed in the council/other Heavenly resides, Lute is responsible for keeping track of his child

Even if she lost you (which she has, multiple times) he won't be that worried

You were a kid and as far as Adam knew, kids needed food

Hence how he knew you would find your way back to him eventually

Okay scratch that, maybe he does get a little worried...a lot

Starts to doubt his ability as a parent

Once he even got Sera to send out a search party for you because you had been gone longer than usual

It worried him sick whenever you went exploring, but he was almost a bit prideful that his offspring had managed to inherit his sneaking around capabilities already at such a young age

Lute has had to console her boss many times in response to your random disappearances under her watchfulness

He has legit been facedown on the couch with his head in her lap whilst he bawls his eyes out, blabbering to her about his worries pertaining to you, and then somehow that stems to his hopes and dreams in life (he doesn't wanna talk about it)

Only for you to walk in with food from some random location about 10 minutes later

You'd be on the floor as soon as you enter the domicile because Adam would have jumped on you and then proceeded to hug the very life out of you (all while stealing your bag of food in the process and running off with it)

Calls you a bitch, dumbass, and 'a little shit' for worrying him

Though he would never openly admit he had been worried

He doesn't care if you have a social life, he wants you home safe before 9pm, sharp

── ･ ｡☆*☽*☆ﾟ.──

Teaches you how to play guitar

He claims its because he wants to pass on one of his awesome talents to his only child, but he also really wants you to join him and his band on stage one day or another

You are in the starter stages of learning and are able to accurately get chords down and learn to read sheet music

A tear just may have come to his eye

The first song you two ever perform together is "Hell is Forever"

He did see someone try to give you a rose after your performance and nearly knocked them out

Trust him, he's a sex and relationship positive guy (for the most part) but he also can't help but feel like he wants to protect you at all costs

If you dare to call him over-protective, he will very gladly give you the silent treatment for a good 5 minutes

After that time mark, he will be groveling at your feet and whining about how sorry he is (rare that he actually says 'sorry')

His biggest fear is his own child having it out for him and not wanting anything to do with him

A clingy parent, no doubt

Wants to train you in the ways of becoming an Exorcist Angel

Poor guy is a bit insecure about everything and needs extra reassurance, though he would never ever outwardly ask for it

That's a sign of weakness in his eyes

Not for his child though

You come to him with even the smallest hint of watery eyes and he is already going full dad-mode

Determined to find the fucker who made you upset

Promises to give em' a good ol' kick in the balls (or vag)

Adam won't discriminate, he's just there to beat the ass of whoever hurt his precious baby

He will get in a fist fight with Sera in order to make you happy

Just expect to be the one he then blames when he gets demoted

── ･ ｡☆*☽*☆ﾟ.──

Adam totally took lots of naps before he had a child, so this just makes for the two of you ending up crashing on the couch together and creating a melodic tune out of your in-sync snoring patterns

Anything the two of you can do together without constantly arguing is a miracle, so this is to be cherished

He has definitely given you some very creative nicknames (as he calls himself 'Dickmaster')

Lute has taken many pictures

She wants to make a photo album and give it to Adam one day just to piss him off

But as she knows how much he really cares for you, she does not want to risk him growing apart from you due to something stupid she did for a few momentary laughs

Let's you two have your moments without interrupting

The two of you always fight over food and who gets to pick where you go for the evening, if going anywhere at all

Lute claims that you are making Adam all the more emotional, but no one seems to be complaining

Especially not the High Council

Its nice to have him shut his mouth for once and remotely think about his actions and who they could potentially effect

Adam has something to lose now, and everyone in both Heaven and Hell alike knew it

No demon spawn would ever get to set even a foot near you

You were the first life he felt truly responsible for

He refuses to fuck it up and lose someone else he cares about

He would protect you until the ends of time, whether you liked it or not

[tetsunabouquet]

Loved the interpretation and writing of my last request! If you dont mind, here's a new one. Tw! Anorexia

Gom with a reader suffering from severe restricting eating to the point where they passed out in public or private, your choice. Again, sorry if this is triggering.

A/N: Thank you for the compliment! Trigger warnings for the readers up in the request

Akashi

-Don't expect this guy to be surprised. He has been suspecting it for a while. -When you faint in front of him, his heart sinks in that ultimate, 'Oh no,' moment. -Actually has a minor panic attack. -Flashbacks to his mom. -He'll do everything he can to wake you up. -Once you're awake, he'll have food arranged for you and he's guilt tripping you to eat it. -"Don't make me lose another person that I love."

Aomine

-Has actually told you before about how you should gain a little more weight as he notices the thinness but doesn't has the intellectual brain capacity to suspect something like an ED. -When you faint, it still doesn't registers in his mind but he does immediately recognize that you needed something to eat. -Momoi is the one to tell him she suspects your disordered eating, and Aomine's heart honestly breaks at the news. -He is demanding you to tell him which stupid idiot convinced you that you were fat, so that he can beat them up right now. -You are honestly touched to see him be so angry and upset on your behalf, he is so pure with his praise and love for you. -Demands that you eat with him at the Maji burger at least once a week and that you try to finish the meal he buys for you.

Murasakibara

-Like Aomine, he doesn't has any suspicions regarding the behavior itself but he does notices you don't eat enough. -Murasakibara just cradles you confused in his arms as Himuro tells him what to do next as well as mention his suspicions about your restrictve eating. -Murasakibara honestly stares at you like you're an alien creature as he has to process the idea that people can hate food that much, thank god you're unconscious and you can't see his face. -He makes up his mind to be the person to cure you of that hate. -Dumps pretty much all candy and snacks he has on him on you the moment you wake up all the whilst giving you a look as sweet and pure as the candy itself. -He increases little habbits like feeding you, because clearly you need it.

Midorima

-Has been taking calculated notes of how much you eat, but is afraid of coming off too strong so he refrains from daring to ask the question. -When you faint he has the most perfect response ever, and manages to stay calm even though he is breaking down on the inside with worry. -Confronts you sternly but lovingly once you wake up, he only wants the best for you. -Reads multiple books on how to be a supportive partner. -Honestly he's adorable with how hard he tries to be there for you. -After the event, he prepares you a bento in the theme of your lucky item of the day, always. Even on the days you can't bring yourself to eat it, he doesn't minds and just hoped carrying the lucky item themed lunch brought you courage in different ways.

Kise

-Knows. Immediately. -As a model, he has far too much model contacts not to know about that dark side of the industry so he knows all the signs. -Is the only one to have confronted you about it before it got to the fainting stage. -Honestly he bawls like a baby when you faint in front of him, because this was exactly like he feared. -He manages to get the number of a great treatment program from another model that is combatting her own ED after you woke up again and got him to calm down. -Tries to feed you all the time whilst acting as cutesy as possible, full idol mode. Because he hopes it will do the trick. -He tries to uplift you by talking about his own insecurities, as being under the limelight does also open him up to scrutiny way more then the average person.

[shuenkio]

𝖥𝗈𝗋𝗀𝗂𝗏𝖾𝗇𝖾𝗌𝗌 —☔— Jay

Paring: Bully!Jay x male!reader

Genre: Angst, [no love but emotion involved]

Cw: bruise, alcoholic, love affair, wounds, hospitalized etc

Summary: At the end he wants to take care of you to repay his actions.

Wc: 2.0k

Non proof read / first time writing angst there'd be some error. [Nothing is real this is a fanfic]

Living your life was already one hell ride, and you're hoping that school will give you some healing with your friends from your forbidden house. However, there was one person who craved your attention, your tears, and your suffering.

Seeing you under his control, unable to fight back, makes him even more gratified, and he would love to play with you all day long.

M/N, who is the only child living with your parents, who are arguing every day, didn't care about their surroundings, especially you.

Your father had an affair with your mother's sister, and ever since she found out, your family started crumbling. Holding back, I couldn't do anything aside from stay silent. You're just wanting to run away from this family of yours and never come back, but you couldn't; you don't have the heart to leave your mother in this state.

Since your father took steps away from this house, your mother began to drink every sort of alcohol to wash away all her sadness and depression, and soon she became an alcoholic.

However, she still manages to give you a life to breathe by working her head off. It's a blessing that she's still got one job that could keep her going from time to time. Nevertheless, that was only a good side. Since you're her only child, she always wanted the best for you.

You can't go out without her permission; you'll have to do all the housework, make food before she gets home, and get a good grade every month. All of these requirements come from her stressing you out. You thought she would be kind to you beside your father, but this is too much for you to take.

You can't sleep without overthinking about tomorrow, and your eyes are wide open all night long. You're tired. One day, when you wake up, you find a note on the counter in the kitchen that was left by your mother. As you observed it, you found yourself bawling your eyes out.

This is not a note; this is a last goodbye from your beloved mother. She's gone now; she left you in this horrible place with you all by yourself. Now you have nothing, along with some money that she left on the counter for you to continue this journey alone.

You don't understand why you should have to endure this all alone when they're the ones who started, you want to end everything, you wish you wouldn't be born so you don't have to breathe in this cruel, ugly world, and you still want to carry on.

You wipe your tears away with your hoodie's sleeve and accept your own fate as you prepare yourself for school. The least you could do at the moment was go to school, sometimes taking time to process there. On the other hand, you never thought in your mind that there was someone waiting for you.

Jay Park is the wealthy, rich, and spoiled kid, as you know. There's no reason for him to be a bully; he has just been like that since the very beginning. He loves to see everyone's downfall in despair, crying like a child while he overpowers them. Which is you, who's his victim's rights now? Not only did you draw his attention with your pretty face as a guy, but since you're the top student in the class, he got jealous.

To make your grade drop, all he had in mind was to bully you, and he knows you can't do anything to kick him out of the school because you're poor. While walking through the school's entrance, you accidentally bump into something as your hoodie's hood covers your vision. You move your head to the one you're bumping into before you realize it was none other than Jay.

Another day, another bruise. You quickly bow down to ask for forgiveness, and without further ado, you fasten your walk pace, hoping that you'll always get from him, but your feet are still in one place as your bag is grabbed by his grips.

"Where do you think you're going, little fella?" He smirked in satisfaction, a cocky grin painted on his face. You let out a heavy sign and cured your eyebrows together, willing to take anything.

The next thing you know, he's already taken you to the back of the school, the storage room, where no one dares to come by except him. You were asked to kneel on both knees, looking down on the ground, while your face was covered with bruises and bleeding scratches.

He never stops, and he doesn't have the plan to do that. He then kneeled on one foot, cupping your face harshly with one hand, making you look at him with your messy face.

"Aww, don't you look cute? I don't know why I enjoy playing with you longer than anyone else. Can you answer that, darling? Hm?" He looks at you as if you're his prey, tracing down on your wound and pressing it harder. As a result, you're whimpering in pain.

"P-please, I'm sorry, I'm begging." Your tears broke down, asking for his mercy, which he's eager for for a very long time. To see this moment, his facial expressions grow even more scary, as if he's a psychopath.

"You're begging already, darling? How sad I'm emotional~ ha seeing you under my control is all I need, so no." After he said that, he was about to harass you even more, but before he could, your friends suddenly blasted in at the right moment.

"Lay a finger on him again; I'm going to show this to your father, you mf." They're all running toward you, holding you close and looking over your injury.

"Wow, I'm afraid I might be expelled so scary~ I'll let you try it, dude; I'm sure he wouldn't care  anyway." He responded, folding his hands together as he scoffs in disbelief.

"I might lose, but not this time, Jay. I know your father more than you know him; you're a dead meat today." Jay's ex-buddy states that it's true that before he leaves Jay for good, he already knows Jay's personal life: his father, his daily life, his family—he knows everything. That's why he's confident enough to speak about Jay's father.

"So? You think my dad will listen to you better than I am."He was cut by a sudden door crack open, revealing a man in gray hair behind whom it was his father. Jay's face turned pale as white as he looked upon his father standing tall behind his ex-friend.

"D-dad, it's not what you're thinking; you have to listen to me first, not this asshole!!" He dragged his feet to where his father was standing, asking for him to hear about his explanation.

"I have two eyes, Jay; I'm not blind nor deaf; you'll pay for your own consequences; get in the car at the instant." His father was shouting in a fuming tone, clearly pissed off by his own son's behavior. Jay, trembling with a tight chest as he makes his way out of this room, can't speak any more words. Jay's father then gazed over you before speaking.

"Are you alright, my child? I'm sorry for causing such an unfortunate situation for you; I'll pay everything on behalf of my ungrateful son. Now I'll let you rest assured and promise you that this will never happen again."

Once Jay was home, not only was he grounded, but his father had a serious plan for his own son by watching him 24/7 in his every move; he couldn't do anything without his permission, and he'd also no longer get access to his monthly allowance to punish him for his actions.

Even worse, he must take care of you, who's been lying down on the hospital bed ever since that day. He will also have to say "sorry" every day until you're recovered.

At the hospital

You're lying down on the soft bed while the IV injection is in your veins. It's serious because not only your body's bruises, but your health too, without proper eating, resting, and getting beaten almost every single day, and you know who.

Inside the silent room were despondent and empty; the lights were off due to your liking of the moon's sunlight reflecting through the large glass window. It's chilling with a cold breeze outside.

You take the rolling stand with you as you open the door, taking a moment to absorb the fresh air under the night sky with the chaos of city life underneath. You stood on the balcony, inhaling deeply as the crisp night air enveloped you.

In that moment, you felt a profound sense of peace and connectedness with the universe, as if the entire world had paused just for you to savor the simple joy of being alive, despite how hard your life was. It's crazy that some of you want to enjoy the city lights more while hopping on the fence of the balcony and sitting on it while swinging your legs.

You know it's too dangerous and too risky; with one wrong move, you'll see the heaven light; nevertheless, you couldn't care much; if God wants you to live, you'll live. The door cracked open, revealing Jay holding a bunch of food and supplies in his bag too.

He closed the door behind him, and as he looked over the bed to see nothing on it, he thought you were probably in the bathroom. However, when his eye passed by the curtain that was left open, blowing by the wind, he saw a figure in a patient gown sitting on the edge of the fence.

Sooner, he realizes that person was you, as he immediately drops everything on the floor with a loud thump filling the room, running to you in panic before grabbing your waist by his pair of hands in swift motions, snatching your body against his to the ground, and clenching you close to his chest.

The unexpected snatching by someone pulling you away almost makes your heart stop beating. You were so stunned that you couldn't talk.

"Are you fucking crazy?! Are you trying to kill yourself?" He raised his voice at you, shaking your shoulder, asking why you would do such a thing. You know you're not going to commit S/C, but instead you're answering the opposite, frustrated.

"So what if I do? Why would you care about me?" You fire back at his sudden care for you; last time he saw you, you're left with nothing but pain. Now he starts to act like being nice to you, which is such a twist.

"Because your life is my life! I know I'm a jerk and I should be buried alive, but please don't do this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything I had done to you. I realized I was wrong, and you should scorn me for it. But *sob*, please let me repay for everything I had done to you." Jay paused as he took a moment to take his breath from his outburst. You blink while slightly taken aback by the emotional outburst; you have never seen Jay in this state before, crying in pain.

"Your friends told me everything about your life. If only I could go back in time, knowing the truth behind it, I'd never been that jerk and a bully to you. I won't ask for your forgiveness; all I want is for you to let me do justice for you. Let me take care of you, and I don't care if you hurt me in the process. Just let me." He stopped as his tears streamed down his cheeks, with guilt heavy on him and regret at his actions.

He's burying his face in his hands, muffling his sobs, and crying harder until his face falls onto his lap, as if he's bowing to you. Comprehend the stat he was in right now; instead of bushings on him more, you choose to comfort him instead, even though he's a walking red flag.

Everyone can change, and so did he; responding with kindness was the best choice.

"I forgive you, but I'll never forget. I'll let you repay for your action,  Jay."

You said as you patted his back carelessly on it in a gentle manner.

"Th—ank you." 

🗣️ please mind my English! ><

🗣️ I'm written some fluffs or angst at the moment, there'll be no SMAU for the sometimes? Not sure but I'll write all of my drift until it's empty, but feel free to request an idea, I'll consider.

🗣️Reblog and like is much appreciated ♥

🗣️ crd to all pics&dividers Owner

[mvltisstuff]

Hi!, I hope you’re doing okay I know Finals can be stressful, but I hope everything going great :).

I saw that you were doing requests again so I was wondering if we can get a fluffy fic with Buck and Reader having their wedding and Reader also announce at the wedding that she’s pregnant!

Also can you make Bobby the father of Reader :)

la vie en rose - e.b

summary: request :)

evan buckley x nash!reader

a/n: thank you for the request, you guys are wicked creative and i love reading them 🩶 were 1/7 finals done so we’re getting back in the groove 💪

y/n’s hair fell down in light curls on her shoulders, her face done in light makeup. a veil fell down her back and on her white, luscious dress. the time, the money, and love put into this day had finally come to a start. and y/n and buck couldn’t be more excited.

buck could jump up and down at the thought of her having his last name. his last name will on her license, her cards, their kids, next to hers. he could explode from excitement when he looks at the stupendous ring that he picked out. y/n looked at hers the same way, the silver band with minute gems on the middle screamed bucks name. she didn’t want to see it anywhere else but on his left hand.

marriage is a vast milestone in one’s life. the second buck, who proposed in an incredible buck way, got down on one knee, he knew he made the right choice. the rest of his life was meant to be with this woman. and he knew the rest of his life with her would be the best of his life.

standing in front of each other at the ceremony, being an emotional man who just can’t get enough love, bucks eyes welled up with tears the second he saw her flashing smile and radiant eyes. she looked absolutely heavenly, as always, but something was particularly different this time. the bewitching scenery around them and the aesthetic venue has perfectly made the night. watching y/n walk down the isle with her father, bobby, linked arm to arm with her made bucks already massive heart grow ten sizes.

bobby was always buck’s second father. he was there for him always, giving him proper guidance and acceptance that buck always needed growing up. when his own dad couldn’t do that for him, bobby picked up the pieces. bobby couldn’t be happier. his daughter was so happy with buck, and that’s all he wanted for the both of them. having bobby as a mentor made buck a better person, and bobby as a father made y/n the perfect daughter.

y/n’s own tears begin to rise into her eyes when she sees buck, dressed neatly in his black suit. eddie was standing next to him with christopher and a few of bucks good friends. maddie had stood in her alluring bridesmaids dress. y/n and maddie connected so well, and seeing buck perk up whenever she came into a room made maddies heart soar of happiness and delight.

they stood before the officiator, who was reading off things to buck that were almost nonsense. he had memorized everything, as he knew that her beauty would capture him and he couldn’t process anything else.

“i, evan buckley,” buck says. “take you, y/n y/l/n as my lawful wife.”

“to have and to hold, for better or for worse,” y/n speaks gently, locking eyes with her soon-to-be husband.

“in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish.”

“until death do us part,” they finish off their traditional vows and look to the guests. maddie is bawling her eyes out, trying not to make a peep. bobby is better at hiding his tears, hand in hand with athena as he sits in front row, watching his little girl become a wife. eddie and chimney have a smile wider than the horizon and hen and her wife watch in admiration of the couple. ravi, had been quietly cheering in the front row as well, cooling down his ‘life of the party’ personality until the end of the ceremony.

before the priest can finish his sentence about the first kiss, buck grabs the back of y/n’s neck and pulls her into a deep kiss, placing his other hand on her hip. they’ve kissed more times than they can count, but sparks will forever fly every time. this one is particularly special, for it commemorates the rest of their lives together.

the newlyweds step down and walk back down the isle while holding hands and sniffling shamelessly.

the after party was sick, open bars and decor with the live band. the first dance was magical, everyone feeling the love from buck and y/n radiate through the huge room. the circular tables were placed throughout the room, with the entire 118 at one table. they’d formed one table, and the buckleys had intentionally put all their friends name tags around one table. the caterers at the wedding had set up everywhere, and they couldn’t imagine a better night.

chimney came back with ravi and bobby, all of them hauling several drinks over, handing the biggest ones to y/n and buck. “for the husband and wife!” bobby says, placing the cocktails down in front of them. y/n stared at the drinks in front of her, trying to figure out how to get out of this situation. she’s never been one to back out, which kind of alarmed the rest of the team.

y/n had been experiencing extreme fatigue for the past few weeks, and the concern of her health was so important to her. she wasn’t sure if her dad could take the loss of another child. she had been the only one to survive the fire, and the two of them were left to fend off of each other. her pregnancy was quite random, her and buck were getting married in just a few weeks. y/n didn’t know how she was going to hide it, but eventually, the anxiety was drowned out by excitement. they knew they wanted a family, it just happened sooner than they thought.

“oh, i’m alright, ravi,” she politely declines, causing confusion from her husband and her friends.

“c’mon, y/n! it’s your wedding day!” hen cheers on, pushing the drink back closer to her.

“yeah, you ok?” buck asks, quietly to not make his new wife overwhelmed.

“guys, really,” y/n smiles, looking down at her hands. “i’m fine, just not in a drinking mood.”

“you’re allowed to have a drink, y/n. you never get this day back,” bobby encourages her to have one to celebrate the new chapter in her life, but the new addition is more important.

“no, i’m not allowed to.”

everyone looks at her like she has ten heads, surprised that she’s not going all out on her wedding night.

“i cant because i’m pregnant,” she finishes, looking at buck first. his mouth was wide open, his chin on the floor.

“s-sorry, what?” she looks at bucks nervous face and nods. “oh! oh, my god?” he kisses her again, not knowing any other words to describe how he feels. hen let’s out a sharp squeal, before jumping up into y/n’s arms, almost knocking her out of the chair. maddie, who no one thought could cry so much, starts sobbing even more because her little brother became a husband and a parent in one day. y/n makes eye contact with her teary-eyed father, clutching hands with his own wife.

hen pulls away, and y/n says, “dad?”

“i, i don’t know what to say, y/n. other than i’m proud of you. and you’ve been the perfect daughter, and you’re going to be the perfect mom.”

“to your grandchild!” chimney pokes fun at bobby, who sips his club soda.

“don’t remind me, chim,” he says jokingly pointing out his age.

y/n and buck can’t peel their eyes away, and buck finds his hand migrating to her current no-bump stomach. “i love you so much, thank you, thank you!” buck says, over and over again.

“i love you to the moon, darling. i picked the best man, and i know you’ll be the best dad,” y/n grins, her cheeks becoming sore from the repeated smiles. “i still can’t believe you’re not a dream.”

[sorrowfulrosebud]

𝕮𝖔𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖓𝖙: 𝔦𝔫 𝔴𝔥𝔦𝔠𝔥 𝔎𝔞𝔱𝔰𝔲𝔨𝔦 𝔥𝔞𝔰 𝔞 𝔟𝔞𝔡 𝔡𝔞𝔶 𝔞𝔱 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔨 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔢𝔰 𝔥𝔬𝔪𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔰𝔭𝔬𝔲𝔰𝔢

𝕲𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖊: 𝔰𝔪𝔲𝔱, 𝔞𝔫𝔤𝔰𝔱 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔱 (𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔳𝔶 𝔬𝔫 𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔱)

𝕿𝖆𝖌𝖘: 𝔭𝔢𝔤𝔤𝔦𝔫𝔤, 𝔭𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔰𝔢 𝔪𝔦𝔵𝔢𝔡 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔡𝔢𝔤𝔯𝔞𝔡𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫, 𝔡𝔬𝔪/𝔰𝔲𝔟 𝔡𝔶𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔠 𝔟𝔶𝔱 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔶 𝔦𝔱’𝔰 𝔧𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯 𝔱𝔞𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔠𝔞𝔯𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔎𝔞𝔱𝔰𝔲𝔨𝔦, 𝔟𝔢𝔤𝔤𝔦𝔫𝔤, 𝔡𝔞𝔠𝔯𝔶𝔭𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔦𝔞, 𝔲𝔫𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔠𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔰𝔢𝔵, 𝔠𝔲𝔪 𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤, 𝔥𝔲𝔪𝔭𝔦𝔫𝔤, 𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔭𝔢𝔱-𝔭𝔩𝔞𝔶 𝔫𝔦𝔠𝔨𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔰 (𝔭𝔲𝔭𝔭𝔶, 𝔭𝔲𝔭), 𝔥𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔲𝔪𝔞, 𝔪𝔦𝔫𝔬𝔯 𝔭𝔢𝔱 𝔭𝔩𝔞𝔶, 𝔥𝔢 𝔤𝔬𝔢𝔰 𝔫𝔬𝔫-𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔟𝔞𝔩 𝔟𝔲𝔱 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔦𝔫 𝔞𝔫 𝔞𝔤𝔢 𝔭𝔩𝔞𝔶𝔢𝔯 𝔴𝔞𝔶, “𝔪𝔞𝔪𝔞“ 𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔨, 𝔰𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔭 𝔰𝔲𝔠𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔤, 𝔡𝔢𝔢𝔭𝔱𝔥𝔯𝔬𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤, 𝔞𝔫𝔦𝔪𝔞𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔦𝔠 𝔰𝔢𝔵, 𝔪𝔲𝔩𝔱𝔦𝔭𝔩𝔢 𝔭𝔬𝔰𝔦𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰, 𝔪𝔲𝔩𝔱𝔦𝔭𝔩𝔢 𝔯𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔡𝔰

The thick mahogany door creaked open as you stirred Katsuki’s favourite spicy noodles in the pot. A low grunt echoed as Katsuki pulled off his heavy combat boots, almost tripping himself up as he stumbles into the living room.

He looked an absolute mess; hair ruffled with chunks of debris lurched precariously amongst the dandelion fluff; blood caked into the microfibres of his shirt and arms, his frown lines embedded deep into his face.

“Hi sweetheart. Bad day at work?” You murmured to him, slowing the bubbling of the noodles and gently approaching him. He had a tendency to slip into fight or flight mode after a particularly rough day at work; your face could melt into one of a villains in the span of an excited hug, often leading to cries of “no Suki, it’s me!”. You learned his triggers, and abided by them solemnly.

Your hands caressed his shoulders, taking in his dishevelled appearance. Fiery eyes blinked slowly into yours, thoughts still chugging away. This was also a nasty side effect of his job; sometimes it took him a while to process his feelings after a horrible day, leaving him nonverbal and heartbreakingly vulnerable.

He looked into your eyes desperately, mouth attempting to talk but only allowing gaspy breaths to leave. You smiled at him softly as you removed his eye mask.

“You don’t have to speak, my love. Let’s just eat and forget this entire day, alright? I washed the sheets with that laundry detergent you like, and we can continue reading that book we started. Does that sound okay to you?” You asked him. You found that it was still appreciated to include him in decision making, even in this current state.

Katsuki managed a small nod as you kissed him gently and escorted him to the table. A steaming bowl of ramen was placed lovingly in front of him, the waft of eye-watering spices tantalising his nose. He managed to pick up his chopsticks with trembling hands, before attempting to scoop up a bite.

The ramen plopped off the chopsticks tauntingly, splashing Katsuki in the cheek. He let out an annoyed grunt before attempting again, only to be met with the same reaction.

You lowered your chopsticks and looked at him with worry. Just what happened today to make him so upset?

“Suki? Are you alright?” You asked him gently. For some reason, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back as he released a singular sob. Then another. Then another. Until the poor man was trembling so harshly he nearly fell off his seat.

You rushed over to your husband, arms shielding him protectively as he bawled into your arms. Gentle arms rocked him soothingly, threading your fingers through his ash blonde locks.

“I know, my love, I know. Let it out, just get it out of your system. You’re safe here, nothing can go wrong. I’ve got you. You’re safe and warm in my arms,” you consoled him as his tears stained your shirt.

You didn’t bother with the “I understand what you’re going through” bullshit or convince him that you knew he did the best he could because that was not what he needed to hear. He just needed you to be his grounding anchor, someone to rest his weary body against and to relinquish his sorrows.

“That’s it, my love. Get those horrible memories out,” you murmured as Katsuki clung to you intensely. It took a good twenty minutes for his sobs to progress to hiccups and then to the occasional sniffle. He looked at you after he was done crying, as if he was actually looking at you for the first time in years.

“Welcome back, Suki. I missed you baby,” you kissed his nose and rested his forehead against yours as he slowed his breathing.

“‘M sorry you had to see that. I’m a fucking pro hero for fuck’s sake, I can’t be getting that emotional,” he muttered lowly.

Although he never intended to fall in love with you, it felt like fate. Your love was like emerging into a breath-taking grassy valley after spending years alone in a sewer. Your kindness and warmth is akin to the quirk that flows through his blood, crackling and soothing. You were like a goddess, cursed to fall in love with the foolish mortal who had in turn been incapsulated by your beauty. He needed you to breath, more than the oxygen pumping his unworthy lungs.

“Katsuki, you’re more than just a pro hero. You’re human too, a human blessed with a power that allows him to save people. You work in a job that is so, so dangerous and see things that would leave other people begging for death. You forget that you’re human too, so please don’t blame yourself for acting like one,” you lifted his teary cheeks up and kissed his forehead.

He could feel his eyes sting with unshed tears. You smiled at him and gently held his hand, massaging the tough callouses.

“I think you need to take some time off, sweetie. You’re struggling to eat, and I’m not having you collapse because your hands won’t stop trembling,” you said firmly, shushing any protest that came out of your husband’s mouth.

“Now. If you like, I can make you a sandwich if ramen isn’t working for you, and I’ll go run you a bath to clean up,” you told him, looking at him for approval.

“Something with meat in it, please,” he asked quietly.

“Of course baby.”

Katsuki’s bath went off without any major troubles; it wasn’t unusual for him to take his anger out in the comfort of the bath, where tears could roll down his face but could blame it on the scorching bath water. Well, before you turned down the water a few degrees to stop him from burning.

He ambled out smelling of his usual scented bath soak, hair freshly washed and stubble shaved. He looked better, and yet the bags under his eyes were yet to move. He found you lounging on the bed, reading a book by lampshade, and he swore his heart has never beat any faster. Just the simple domestic act of reading in bed, his bed, comfy in his stretched skull t-shirt and a pair of his boxers.

Your book was gently closed and set aside as you smiled at him.

“Hi baby, how was your bath?” You asked him, petting the bed beside you. Katsuki let out a tired hum.

“Was nice, thanks. Nice ‘n warm,” he mumbled, not quite looking you in the eye. You immediately caught on to this.

“Suki? Are you sure there’s nothing upsetting you? You can tell me anything, you know,” you offer worriedly. Katsuki sighed.

“It’s nothing, just… we had a call in today about a villain terrorising a local town. Smoke and debris everywhere, really fuckin’ awful. Kirishima and Dunce Face were there but.. we weren’t enough. A young woman about our age died in my arms, begging for me to find her daughter. And when we did find them…” Katsuki stopped himself when you rested your hand on his shoulder.

“I can’t help but think. What if there’s a day where I’m not there, and you’re hurt, or worse and I can’t save you? What if you get hurt so bad due to my incapability to save everyone, and I’m left alone?! I can’t fucking lose you, I don’t know what the fuck I would do without you!” He placed his head against your shoulder and allowed the tears to fall, the day finally catching up to him as he let out his anxieties.

“Oh my love, I’m not going anywhere. I trust you more than anything to keep me safe,” you murmured.

“P-please make it go away mama,” he whimpered, tearfully rolling his hips against your thigh. You were surprised and a little concerned.

“Baby, I don’t think that’s a good idea. You’re upset and had a bad day-” you were cut off by a sob.

“D-did I do something wrong? Please, I don’t wanna think anymore mama, make it go away! I don’t like these thoughts, jus’ wanna be yours!” He whimpered as you stroked his side.

“Alright my love, settle down. As soon as you feel any discomfort, and I mean any at all, you’re safe-wording right away. Do you understand Suki?” You asked him, deadly serious. Katsuki nodded his head intensely, desperate to be your good boy.

“Alright then. Get mama her toys and prep yourself whilst I get ready.”

Katsuki lay nestled in amongst the satin bed sheets, gripping them as tightly as he physically could. The bed sheets grounded him slightly, the soft feeling between callused fingers stopping him from losing his mind as you teased your silicone cock against his ass cheeks.

You smiled lovingly at him before drawing small circles on his quivering hole. He looked sweet like this, so vulnerable and exposed.

“Mph, how are you doing sweetheart? You enjoying this baby?” You murmured into his ear. Katsuki let out a combination of a grunt and a whine simultaneously as you continued to circle his tight little hole.

“Aww, such a cute little slut. You look so adorable, trying not to cum,” you teased, sliding one finger into Katsuki’s ass. He let out a whine at the intrusion, biting the pillow that lay under him. You let out another giggle.

“Shut the fuck up and just- hngh! Fuck me already!” He demanded, voice slightly muffled by the pillow.

“My my, such a needy boy, aren’t we Suki? Just let me take care of you, such a good boy,” you coo into his ear. Katsuki’s face turned a deep pink at your reading before grinding his ass back to meet your knuckle.

A smile graced your face as you added another finger. Katsuki let out another whimper as you shushed and soothed him.

“I know, sweet boy. I don’t want to hurt your cute little ass, so we have to make sure it’s stretched properly. Look at you being so good, I’m sure you’re desperate to cum,” you murmured into his ear. It was such a breath of fresh air having him like this; pliant, needy and willing to submit. It was so sweet seeing him abandon his big, nasty feelings for a bit and allow himself to become brain-dead mush by your hand.

“Mph, p-please, I- I need to cum!” He begged, fingers flexing and leaky cock rutting against the sheets.

“I’ll tell you what baby, take one more finger and I’ll let you cum, alright? Can you be a good boy and hold it?” You cooed. Katsuki nodded his head quicker than anything you had ever seen, biting his emotional support pillow as you placed in the third finger.

“Such a good baby boy for me Kats, such an obedient little puppy. Look at your thighs, they’re trembling so hard! I can’t imagine how badly you want to cum,” you giggled sultry in his ear.

Katsuki couldn’t see from the lustful tears in his eyes, only focusing on trying to contain his sperm. Your fingers worked diligently, pumping deep and slow, making careful tries to brush his prostate.

“Mph, feelsh sho good mama, so fuckin’ go-ahh!” Katsuki whined as he came, white semen streaking the sheets underneath you. Your hands grabbed into his needy cock, pumping it quickly. Katsuki squirmed and cried underneath you, overstimulation already kicking in.

“Don’t worry baby, I’ll get all of those icky thoughts out of that pretty little head,” you cooed. You ceased pumping his ass and turned your attentions to his adorable nipples, turning pink and hard at each passing minute.

“Go on your back, pup. Show me those pretty tits of yours,” you commanded gently, landing a delicate smack to his porcelain ass. Katsuki whimpered and immediately did as he was told, spreading his legs and arching his back.

“Look at these juicy fucking tits, I love them so much. How can that dumb little head think I’d leave you alone when you look so delicious under me,” you groaned in pleasure. Your husband’s face melted in absolute euphoria.

Nimble fingers began poking, pulling and flicking each pebbled nipple until your husband was hiccuping from masochistic pleasure, back arching off the bed.

“You’re so fucking cute, already to cum on mama just from her playing with your nipples? Well, alright then. Cum as hard as you want,” you gave him permission.

“Ngh, thank you mama, fank you so much,” he mewled as his eyes rolled to the back of his head, cum spraying from his tip and up your back.

“Suki baby? What’s your colour?” You asked him worriedly, afraid you pushed him too soon.

“G-green, please don’t stop,” he begged, grabbing your hips and rolling his reddening cock against your clothed core. You ached with need, but tonight was about your husband.

“If you promise, baby,” your dominant nature returning.

“Are you ready for me to blow your back out, puppy? Do you want mama to turn your silly little brains to mush whilst you ache and groan on my cock?” You teased him.

“Please mama! Lemme suck your cock, Suki can do it! I’m a good boy!” He whined. Jesus, he was so deep in subspace that it was gonna take him a month to come out.

“Okay then baby, get on the floor, on your knees. Show me that smart little mouth,” you ordered. Katsuki scrambled to the floor, eager to please you.

“Open wide, Suki, and hollow your cheeks. Remember to relax your throat,” you coaxed him, patting the silicone against his tongue. He took the first inch and suckled on it seductively, tongue flicking around the tip as he grasped your thigh. You rubbed small circles to keep him grounded.

He tried taking another few inches, head bobbing and pulling away to kiss the underside of your cock. His usually sharp tongue did an excellent job at running up and down your cock, making your core throb with need.

“You needy little whore. Look at you, showing off that cute little mouth. God, I could just shove this down your throat,” you growled, eyes widening when he managed to deepthroat all 6.5 inches of plastic.

Lewd sounds of sucking and saliva dripping filled the room as Katsuki choked and gagged on the fake cock as his throat memorised every vein and wrinkle. It was snug and he couldn’t breath fully, but it felt like home.

His stomach began to tighten, impending another orgasm. Yours began to tighten too, just needing that final push.

“God I fucking love sucking your cock mama, tastes so fuckin’ good,” he murmured as he deepthroated once more. His hips rolled against your thigh as the two of you came together, your juices dripping down Katsuki’s face. He licked them up eagerly before displaying his tongue.

“Get your ass on that fucking bed so I can destroy you,” you growled. Katsuki followed immediately as you hoisted his ankles above your shoulders and sheathed your cock in him in one fell swoop.

“Ngh, ah~! Mama, please, AH!” He hiccuped as you pounded his ass ferociously, his whole body bouncing due to the ferocity. His tits jiggled alongside him, eyes crossing in pleasure as his tongue lolled outside his mouth.

“God I fucking love this little puppycunt, you’re fucking mine forever. I’ll fuck you every day to remind you of that, do you understand? You’re my husband, I’ll fuck your brains out whenever you ask. Any time that stupid little brain of yours tells you otherwise, I’ll pump you so full of cum you’ll end up pregnant,” you grunted like a fucking animal, hips speeding up at each slap of his ass cheeks.

The room was filled with the sound of skin-on-silicone and a cacophony of harmonious and broken moans that put the choirs of churches to shame.

Katsuki was utterly gone; meaningless babbles of “more” and harder, please!” were reduced to mindless mewls and cries. Your hands found his as you chased your climax together.

“Fuckin’ cum with me baby, that’s it. That’s my good fucking boy, cum for me!” You cried in pleasure, your body feeling white hot as your orgasm peaked. Katsuki looked like he was having an outer body experience; tongue lolling, eyes almost closed and body a deep red.

You pulled your strap out, making a small whine pull out from your fucked out husband. Your hands massaged his cheeks as you simpered at him.

“I know baby, let’s get you cleaned up.”

After Katsuki was wiped down with a damp towel, hand fed a bottle of water and a wasabi mint, he snuggled up next to you. His head was placed over your heart, slowly falling asleep to the steady beat.

“I told you Suki. I’m not going anywhere.” Katsuki opened his eye a crack before snuggling back in.

“If you do, then tell me. Because home is whenever I’m with you.”

[reesespeanutbutterfuck]

(im)perfectionist

vinny hong x jo!reader

jay jo's imperfectionist sister meets the flawful vinny hong.

part 1

part 2

pairing: vinny hong x jo!fem!reader

warnings: SFW, fem!reader, gifted!reader, cursing, mentions of blood & violence, mentions/flashbacks to vinny's shitty childhood. jo!reader (jay is reader's 1 year older brother, but they're in the same class), physical descriptions (resemblance to jay, jay's mother, heavily implied asian features) intelligent!reader, female rage, implications of academic pressure, middle child trauma, second person's pov (you, you're, your), ANGSTY, lowkey self-indulgent, SPOILERS everywhere, includes momma bear vinny but then reader is also kind of a momma bear, reader is NOT yumi, but yumi still exists here. lmk if i forgot anyth

note: i can't stop tossing and turning while reading s4 lol this is how i cope. vinny pls come back now im bawling my eyes rn

—

None of the recontres you had with Vinny Hong in the entirety of your life was normal.

The first time you encountered him was when you accidentally bumped into him in a vulnerable state while walking home under a light rain shower after a tiring day volunteering at the hospital your parents were working in. The light pouring rain hit your umbrella with soft thuds as you were finding your way through the alley you accidentally passed by after taking an alternative route, but getting a little lost in the process.

You shuddered when you heard a groan. You immediately looked around and kept your guard up in case it was a kidnapper. But no, it sounded like one of pain. Stopping your tracks and pulling over your feet, you looked around the alley. Your eyes expectantly scanned until your eyes found the source of the grumbling noise. There he was, slumped against the wall.

I knew it, you thought. It was a man. How cliché. His head was bowed down so he couldn't see you. Let me guess, a high school boy was mobbed and injured somewhere and now is left to die in a dark alley to be found lifeless once the sun rises?

You scoffed. If only you had all the time in the world to be a delinquent, that will most likely be where you're meant for. These high school boys are wasting their lives when they unknowingly have the time to choose to be a better person. You discreetly envied how these kinds of people can still choose how they'll live their lives, regardless of presence of sense for separating actions between good and bad.

And so you walked past the alley.

Your steps slowed down as the man groaned again, this time followed by a rustle. A slight pang of guilt forming in the pit of your stomach. Damn it, this wasn't–

You reluctantly looked back to where the man sat. You've always sworn your life you wouldn't meddle in anything that wasn't your business. But for some reason, the guilt of having the ability to help but refusing to, drowned your fixed principle.

Just as you were having an inner banter with yourself, your feet made the decision for you instead and took you to him. You pushed the button on your umbrella to automatically close it, pointing the sharp end to the stranger. You weren't even sure if he's still alive because he suddenly quieted down after that last groan. Only the light from the nearest post gave you an unclear sight of the man and the fluff of his fiery red hair.

One of his hands fell limp on the floor while the other was covering his wound. It seemed like he's been in the same spot for minutes yet the distinct bright colour of fresh blood told you the injury happened not very a while ago. You weren't sure of how to approach him properly, so you lightly kicked his leg once, but he didn't respond. So you kicked him for the second time, this time, harder. Finally, he responded by quietly groaning in pain once again.

“Who… the hell… are you…?” He weakly questioned as looked up to squint and take in your face, but your figure was against the light from the lamp post, so your silhouette was the only thing he's capable of registering. Even when in pain, his voice still sounded atrocious. Like he's someone used to speaking to people harshly. Luckily, you weren't intimidated for a single bit. It'll take a lot more than harsh tones to drive you away. You've been there.

You fumbled inside your tote bag to search for your phone, “Who are you to ask?” When you got ahold of your phone, you turned the flashlight on and you got a clearer view of the blood oozing out of this stranger's side, staining his hand in the process. It looked like a stab wound, judging from the volume of the blood oozing out from the wound.

“As expected.” You raised your hand to point the sharp end of your umbrella to him once again. “I will help you. But if you attempt to do anything funny, I'll stab you on your other side, too.”

Your first option as was to call immediate professional help. As you tried to dial the hospital hotline to call an ambulance, your phone kept indicating there was no service. The signal's jammed. You almost threw your phone to the nearest wall out of frustration as you hit the side of it with your palm. You side-eyed the man behind you.

Shit. Now what? This kind of stab wound is fatal, especially because he already lost plenty of blood beforehand. It wouldn't bleed that much if the penetration wasn't deep. It might have even hit a vital spot. Calling for help now will be difficult because of this deserted alley and the continuous pour of the rain didn't help either, plus, your phone has no service.

“I don't need… your help!” he glared at your silhouette and cursed himself as he shut his eyes tightly while attempting to sit upright, enduring the excruciating pain on his side.

“You're quite obnoxious for a dying man.” You looked around to search for more resources. This is a closed alley. If you leave him here for another minute to find help, he might completely lose his consciousness, he was already limp in the first place. You were left with no choice. Your hand hesitantly reached to fumble around your bag once again until you got an OS, gauze pads and sterilized medical stitching needles.

Your mother would be furious if ever she finds out you stitched a stranger's wounds. You can only imagine her yelling, "Patients are not your playthings and the Medical field is not your playground! Who are you to perform Medical procedures? You're not even a Doctor yet!" Yeah, for sure Dra. Jo wouldn't be so pleased to find out her daughter's attempt to fix someone up. You kneeled and looked at the stranger. You needed to gain his trust as professionally as possible.

“I won't ask your name since you're clearly hard to talk to. I'm [Y/N]. I'm no Guardian angel of yours. I do light voluntary work in hospitals and I have current trainings on how to attend to emergency patients. But I'm still a high school student so I'm not yet licensed. Anyway, going to a hospital will always be the safest option, but I have knowledge about stitching wounds, at least. I'm going to temporarily stitch you up so you don't lose more blood, then we'll get you to a hospital once I find phone service.”

You surveyed his overall state, he looked very pale, although it's easy to tell that he's naturally pale, by losing a lot of blood, he's getting even paler each passing second. You were running out of time.

“Do you consent to this?” You asked him calmly through your glasses.

He breathed out heavily. You knew he was wary and reluctant. Which is understandable. But if it's not you, who else will do it? You heaved a sympathetic sigh. As you unemotionally tell him about the circumstances of his skepticality, that you well acknowledge.

“Hey, you might have a family member waiting for you at home. They would be devastated to just hear from the news that you were found dispatched and lifeless out here in the morning.” you looked around, left and right. Right now, you're the best chance he has if he wants to live. “I won't force your consent out. I haven't touched you anywhere yet and I wouldn't if you don't want me to, so I can just leave you here without me being a potential suspect of your murder. But you should probably think about the ones that didn't know their last sight of you alive was the last they'll get, ever.”

He looks at you for a few seconds while he grits his teeth, before he slowly, lightly nods. Shutting his eyes and removing his hand from covering the wound, implying that he had put his trust in you.

You checked his carotid pulse first. Just as you thought. Erratic and weakened. And then looked over to watch the shallow rise and fall of his shoulders. Shallow breathing. He definitely lost a high volume of blood already. You hastily started disinfecting everything—your hands, the tools, even the gloves. You checked his expression. You gave him a heads-up before lifting the side of his shirt to attend to the wound properly. You began working up and stitching the wound on his right side. You looked at his face once again that's being covered by the shade of the unfinished constructions caging the alley, while going through your first stitch.

“I'm sorry, this is the only option, for now. I'll find more professional help after this.”

He had no more energy left to open his mouth and reply. He grunts in pain while you were busy ushing the needle through-and-through. You asked him to bite down on a cloth while enduring the pain, since you didn't have anesthesia and he can feel every poke of the needle on his skin. You stitched him with precision with your skilled hands. Your hands were painted crimson red during the process.

This wouldn't be your first time stitching. You've done this a couple of times, but only to a simulator. You pulled yourself together as you kept in mind that a person's life is in your hands this time.

While you were focusing on the stitches, all the stranger can muster are croaky groans, as the pain of the wound and the stitches stung, so you tried to do it faster. When you were done, while wiping your blood-stained hands, you noticed how his chest was rising and falling rapidly as he was wincing in pain. He tried to look up at you again, but his sight of you was blurry.

“Don't worry, that'll be removed at once when you're taken to the hospital. What I did is only first aid, and you already lost a lot of blood so we still need to get you to the hospital as soon as possible.”

You pushed your knees to stand up and find phone signal, but before you can, his hand rose and reached for yours.

“No.” He clutched your hand to stop you. His hand was rough—and also large. You have large hands for a female, but his hand almost completely enveloped yours.

The side of your lips shifted downward while looking down at him. “When I said trust me, I only meant temporarily so I can temporarily close your wound. I didn't mean with all your life."

“Just no hospital.”

“You must really want to die.”

He gripped your hand tightly from the severe pain he's enduring. You know how much pain he's going through right now and he didn't mean to do so, so you let him squeeze your hand.

“I would rather die, than pay a hospital bill.” he weakly held on to you, falling completely unconscious as his head fell on your lap. You furrowed your brows and put his head into a more comfortable position.

Oh, so he was serious on dying?

You coming to his rescue definitely doesn't just end with a few stitches.

***

© reesespeanutbutterfuck 2023, don't forget to support your creators by reblogging !!!

always remember to put seeking professional help as top priority if you ever encounter this kinda scenario irl

[maybankiara]

WHEN MY TIME COMES AROUND

pairing: JJ Maybank x Kiara Carrera summary: Kiara, through grief, has to deal with having JJ's baby. w/c: 1.7k a/n: this is basically just pure angst and written from tumblr spoilers (i haven't seen s4 p2) and i'm sorry. spot the angsty hozier references masterlist  read on archive of our own

Kiara never got to tell him she was pregnant.

 She found out late, when she was already out of the first trimester, and grief had been consuming her. Excuses flew by, one by one, as she made sense of her missing periods, of her weight gain, of the roundness of her stomach, until she no longer could.

 Sarah was by her side when she broke into pieces, four months further along than Kiara was.

 It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t poetic. It wasn’t something she’d ever talk about.

 Her friend held her as she crumbled to the floor, bawling her eyes out, screaming her dead lover’s name. She never wanted to have kids and if he did, he hadn’t told her so, and the reality of it was a blow after blow.

 Sarah cleaned her up. Talked her through the heartbreak, through her own tears.

 ‘You don’t have to keep it,’ she whispered.

 ’I do,’ Kiara said.

 Before he died, they’d never made it official like Sarah and John B had. There was never a ring, or vows, or a plan for a future that would make them feel like they were last. Their moments were too fleeting, too ephemeral, and Kiara had nothing to hold onto. Nothing to call his.

 Until now.

 She told the rest of the group a few days later. It was shock—how could that be? he’d been gone for months—but they held her so she wouldn’t break again, and she could see the fear in their eyes.

 The fear for her.

 Kiara went home at the end of that week. Her parents no longer had a reason to keep her away, with him gone, and they even accepted the situation after initial arguments against.

 She was their daughter—they loved her, at the end of everything—and they’d be by her side.

 Months passed. Kiara grew bigger.

 Sarah gave birth to a boy. They wanted to call him after him, but held back, in case Kiara wanted to do it instead. She didn’t want to know the gender, picked out names, and she appreciated it. She wanted the freedom. She wanted to have every bit of him she could.

 Often, she’d stand in front of the mirror, watching the bump. Her skin was full of stretchmarks and sore bits, but in there was something that was hers and his, and Kiara loved it more than she’d loved anything.

 Almost.

 On par with him.

 She’d look into the mirror and see herself, big and bloated and exhausted, but she’d imagine him behind her shoulder, hugging her like he’d used to. She’d imagine his hand on her belly, taking the weight off of her for a few moments, and relaxing into him. She’d imagine what he would’ve been like if he’d gotten the chance to be a dad, and she knew there’d be no better one.

 A lot of her time was spent between home and Sarah. She stayed at the house they’d bought, he’d bought, and watched her friends look after the baby boy. She cradled him and loved him as an aunt, wondering how it was possible that something so sweet, so innocent, could come from people like them.

 She had nothing but hope for her own.

 When the day came, Pope and Cleo drove her to the hospital. Sarah was the one by her side, holding her hand through it, guiding her through the process she’d gone through herself only months before. It was the most excruciating thing Kiara had gone through, but the moment the bundle ended up in her arms, she knew it was the only thing in the world that mattered.

 It looked nothing like either of them, but babies take a while to grow into their faces.

 She told herself she could see traces of him in her already.

 Jodie Jones, she called her, and gave her his surname. She looked like a rascal, screaming and crying and looking, watching, absorbing everything. She was curious and adamant and beautiful, and Kiara began to cry.

 He’d never see her. He’d never lay his eyes on her.

 It was all she had of him and she begged the world, universe, god, anything, to let him be a part of her life.

 Kiara brought her home, and raised her with the Pogues. Her parents came over nearly every day, checking in, but Sarah and John B’s boy, Dean, became like a brother to little Jodie. People joked about the kids growing up and getting together, someday, but nobody liked the idea – they thought of the kids as siblings. They raised them as siblings.

 Kiara couldn’t raise her alone.

 Pictures of him were all over the house. At first, she brought them down because the memory was too much to bear, but Jodie deserved to grow up knowing that despite everything, her dad was loved. Her dad was the backbone of the group and it was his memory that held them together – existing in a house he’d reclaimed from the man he called Dad, living because rather than in spite of.

 When Jodie was three, and Dean held her hand in the park, she asked the question.

 ‘Where’s Daddy?’

 John B and Sarah were in the distance, hugging, and Kiara felt her heart clench. ‘He’s away.’

 ‘He’s on the walls,’ Jodie said. ‘In the pictures.’

 ‘Your Daddy’s watching over you,’ Kiara said, stifling tears. ‘He’s looking after you.’

 Dean nodded, even though she wasn’t speaking to him. ‘My mum says angels watch over us. Is he an angel?’

 Yes, Kiara wanted to say, he’s an angel.

 But kids wouldn’t understand that.

 ‘No,’ she said instead. ‘He’s just away.’

 Jodie nodded. ‘He will come back?’

 A tear escaped. Sarah and John B came over just in time, scooping the kids up, as and they were giggling, laughing, screaming, as if the conversation never happened.

 Sarah came to her side and Kiara cried in the privacy of her shoulder.

 It never got easier.

 Not when Jodie was a blonde little thing, with dimples, and that wicked little smile Kiara used to love. Not when Jodie was a smartass, reckless, too curious for her own good, too hotheaded. She was nothing if not her father.

 It was another two years before Jodie found out.

 Kiara didn’t mean for her to – it was the unsaid thing, that she didn’t have a dad, but they never spoke much about it. There was no right way for Kiara to explain death to a kid, and even when she tried, the words would get stuck in her throat.

 Pope’s dog brought them a dead crow.

 Jodie was there, and Jodie learned about death, and she looked at her mother with those innocent eyes and asked, ‘Is Daddy dead?’

 All Kiara could do was nod.

 She began telling more stories about him, after that. Every night when Jodie was going to bed, Kiara would tell her stories abotu her father. About the brave boy who stood up to bullies; the boy who helped them find gold; the boy who found El Dorado.

 ‘My Daddy’s a hero!’ Jodie said.

 ‘He was.’

 Pictures of him still lined the walls, but Kiara looked at them with fondness, now. She saw traces of Jodie in him rather than him in Jodie, and the world began shifting. Never away form him – just to a world where grief wasn’t an enemy, but an acquaintance.

 A friend to walk with.

 Jodie started school. She was a Maybank, but she was a Carrera, too, and she was wicked smart and did everything but what she had to. She was causing ruckus, but kids loved her, and teachers did, against their will.

 She was ten when she got her nickname, from someone at school.

 ‘You don’t have to let them call you that if you don’t like it,’ Kiara told her.

 Kiara’s hands were on the wheel as she drove them back from school. Dean was away for football practice, and Jodie would have lacrosse tomorrow.

 ‘I don’t mind it,’ Jodie said. ‘It’s what they called Dad.’

 ‘It is.’

 ‘I like it. I think it suits me.’

 The mother smiled, and knew he’d be proud. Even thought she’d had to raise her without him, the Pogues did a great job with her and Dean. She was grateful she had them, and Jodie turned out ever the Pogue they knew she would, with Dean watching her back. They were inseparable, like John B and her father were, and she knew it was the best she could’ve done for the kid.

 For him, too.

 At fifteen, nobody called her Jodie anymore. She was the star lacrosse player, slumming it with Dean Routledge, ever the troublemaker, and they had their own little friend group. Pope and Cleo’s kid, ten years younger than them, was the baby of the group and they looked after him like no other.

 Dean even took her to prom, when she punched her planned date in the nose after she caught him kissing another girl. It was a whole night of dealing with it, telling her violence wasn’t the answer, but she had enough of her father’s blood to believe otherwise.

 Still, Kiara was proud. She loved her as she was, and everything that she’d inherited from her father, the good and the bad alike.

 That summer was the best summer of her life. The kids were seventeen, about to leave for college, and little Terrence latched onto them every moment he could, and they adored him. They were drinking beers and going to parties, but Kaira never judged them for it.

 ‘We did a good job,’ Sarah told her as they watched the bonfire.

 Cleo kissed her teeth. ‘Crazy to think something so good came from us.’

 The kids gathered around it, in the backyard, and the adults sat on the porch. It was a beautiful summer day, lazy after they’d spent the most of it surfing. They were a lot of things, but nothing more than a family.

 John B chuckled. ‘It feels like yesterday we were their age.’

 ‘I’m just glad they’re not as stupid as we were,’ Pope said.

 Kiara scoffed. ‘Don’t speak too soon. That one’s every bit her father. I’m just waiting for the call.’

 The mention of him still weighed down conversations, but they’d gotten used to it. There was a lighter tone when he was brought up, but his absence never went away. There was always one spot that felt too empty, the one nobody sat in. There was the lack of rashness, of impulsivity, of things that would get them into trouble.

 Kiara’s heart never stopped aching.

 But she looked at the kids now, at the next generations of Pogues, and felt pride swell in her chest in place of grief.

 She couldn’t have give their child a better life if she tried.

 Somewhere, if there was heaven, he was watching them from above. She hoped he was happy, too. She hoped he’d still be waiting for her when her time came.

 For now, she watched Dean Routledge and Terrence Heyward and JJ Maybank and thought, it wasn’t all worth it, but they made it.

 They’d be alright.

[osidius-el-enfatico]

NICO'S SO YOU WANNA READ SOMETHING OTHER THAN MARVEL AND DC

hello everybody, I'm Nico, you might know me from being a fucking hater and a gross nerd and I'm here to tell you that you don't have to be whipped around by the big 2, there's a world of good shit out there, we can go find it together. come, take my hand.

The ones everyone will tell you about

these are the ones you are supposed to read, even if you mainly read big 2 stuff.

go on, read Hellboy (here's a reading order list, it gets dicey but I believe in you). go on, read saga. go on, read blacksad. go on, read something is killing the children. go on, read Locke and key

ok, with these out of the way, let's begin

so you want to read super hero type stuff

1. black hammer by Jeff lemire et al.

in the past, black hammer (the greatest supper hero) and six superheroes of his team save the city but in the process get sucked into a parallel dimension, in the 10 years since they have tried everything to go back to their world without much success, but there's still superheroing to do.

2. minor threats by Patton oswalt et al.

one of the biggest villains in the city murders the robin analogue in this world. which causes the heroes to go hog wild and turn everything into a police state. in the middle of it all, the small time villains who just want to rob a store or turn dogs into cats or whatever are caught in the line of fire of a fight way above their pay grade.

3. America's got powers by Johnathan Ross and Bryan hitch

18 years ago an alien crystal of unknown origin fell from the sky in San Francisco, at that same moment every pregnant woman in the city gave birth to a superpowered child. today, all of the babies are used as gladiators in a reality show that can bring them fame and fortune or death. the only kid to be born that day without superpowers is thrust all the same into the arena to fend for himself.

4. buzzkill by Donny cates and mark reznicek

imagine you're the biggest superhero there is, but to get each of your individual super powers you had to consume a different drug everytime you wanted to use it. imagine that this breaks every single relationship you have and you want to go clean. imagine also that the city still needs you. what is your obligation to your city over yourself?

the first two titles are more akin to big 2 comics with an expansive universe and several smaller titles to accompany the main one.

so you want to read a little freak

1. bone by Jeff Smith

go read bone. do it now. phoney bone gets expelled from his natal city from his latest scheme to get rich. in the process he drags out of the city his cousins smiley bone and fone bone, our hero. in the process of escaping the three get separated and each one gets into his own adventures that unfold a dark tale in the valley they end up on. a dark fantasy comedy for all ages

2. good bye, chunky rice by Craig thompson

a small turtle leaves his home and his friends because he feels he has done all he can in this particular stage of his life. he explores love and loss throughout his trip

3. Krazy Kat by George herriman

this is one of the most influential newspaper strips of the early 20th century. Krazy is a cat in love with ignatz the mouse who fucking hates him. krazy's biggest want in life is to get his love reciprocated, ignatz just wants to throw bricks at krazy's head

so you want to bawl your eyes out

1. primordial by Jeff lemire and Andrea Sorrentino.

one of the scientists in charge of the Laika space launch is convinced she is still up there somewhere and is adamant to get her back. at the same time the last launch with monkey is going into space. on one side we see the scientists working and dealing with the ethical ramifications of their work, on the other we see the critters and their limited sentience of what is happening.

2. the lil depressed boy by Isabel struble and Sina grace

the lil depressed boy (or ldb as everyone calls it) is a sack boy like the one in little big planet, but one who is a fucking nerd and likes indie music and bowling, he navigates through life without direction, finding temporary relief in one thing or another, but ultimately a lost souls just doing whatever he can to stay afloat. you will find this under the author's deadname, but after her transition Isabel seems to have shed the veil that made this autobiographical story happen. good-for-her.gif

3. essex county by jeff lemire

this is a trilogy of books based around the area in which jeff lemire grew up in with only a geographical connection uniting them. a young boy has his whole world turned upside down with no one to guide him through it. a pair of brothers who did everything together grow apart and end up hating each other in adulthood. a rural nurse reckons with how she can only do so much for the people that depend on her. this was also adapted for canadian tv but i really havent seen it yet, so i dont know how that went

so you want to read about important stuff

1. Maus by art spielgman

this probably should have gone in the first part of things everyone tells you to read but I'd be remiss not mentioning it directly. it is the only comic to win a Pulitzer, art spielgman tells us how his father tells him his story during the Holocaust. it is harrowing, raw, and gruesome. but it still retains a glimmer of better things, art's father is funny in his relationship with art which give you little respites to all the shit going on

2. march by John Lewis with Andrew Aydin and Nate Powell

yes, the John Lewis who marched next to Martin Luther king. this is his autobiographical account of the civil rights movement in the 60s. it is insightful but raw. still feeling it all in the present day.

3. Vaincus mais vivants. chile 1973 by Maximilien leroy

I hate french people but they're good at this comic book shit. this Tells the tale of commandante Carmen and commandante Miguel, heads of the MIR (movimiento de izquierda revolucionaria-revolutionary leftist movement) before and during the USA backed coup in Chile in 1973. how they had worked before it went down, and how they hid to try to survive the persecution.

4. footnotes in Gaza by Joe sacco

Joe sacco is a journalist who does comics on the side. in this stand out he tries to tell the story of the Khan Yunis and rafah massacres in 1956 through interviews with palestinians alive at the time, while interweaving the current (to 2003) situation in rafah. another account of the monster that is Israel and the resilience of the Palestinian people.

so you want to laugh

1. the tick by Ben endlund

you have seen the cartoon. the tick is a dumbass who is also the biggest hero in naked city. go read this shit, just pick up whatever volume you find, continuity isn't really a thing here

2. imagine agents by Brian Joines and bachan

this is basically men in black but instead of aliens they have to control and keep the people from knowing about the reality of imaginary friends kids abandon and how they can get out of control. it's so stupid

so you want to read a western

1. east of west by Jonathan hickman and Nick dragotta

much like in reality, the USA is a dystopian land but in this book there's also science fiction. and the only begins that can save that shit hole are the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

2. Shaolin cowboy by Geoff Darrow

like east of west, this mixes science fiction with western. but this is pretty simple. he's a Shaolin monk who is also a cowboy, and he has to get out of situations. one time it was a flying shark, another one it was zombies. and so on and so forth *zizek voice*

3. six gun gorilla by Simon spurrier and Jeff stokely

in a world colonized in the future after earth was ran dry of respurces by greed, one single gunslinger tries to bring order to the land. he happens to be a biologically enhanced gorilla

so you want to get experimental

jimmy corrigan: the smartest kid on earth by chris ware

simply put, this shit is the house of leaves of comics. some dude get the opportunity to meet his dad for the first time at the age of 36. its simple enough but this takes you for a visual ride.

2. asterios polyp by david mazzuchelli

again, this story is simple enough. a professor gets his house torched by thunder and escapes the city to star anew somewhere else. but you get the story told by people who dont exist, jumping between past and present.

3. almost silent by jason

jason's stories are pantomime. his anthropomorphic characters dont emote too much, but you can feel them. this collection of stories focuses on his stories that have almost no dialogue at all.

so you want gays

are you listening? by tillie walden

this isnt a love story. but it is a story of connection and deep understanding, of someone else and yourself. theres also a magical cat in it.

2. laura dean keeps breaking up with me by mariko tamaki and rosemary valero-o'connell

laura dean is the protagonist's on again, off again girlfriend. she is also a cunt. freddy keeps distancing herself from her circle due to laura's games and manipulation. but she has to learn how to keep herself afloat in this vortex.

shit you need to read because its important to the art form

a contract with god by will eisner

this is the originator of the term graphic novel. its a triology of stories which are in the vein of a lot of eisner's comics, simple pictures of life in a jewish neighborhood in new york. but told with such mastery of the craft that they pull you in like nothing else.

2. calvin & hobbes by bill watterson

yeah, yeah. i know. you know calvin and hobbes. you love calvin and hobbes. go read the whole thing from start to finish tho, go do it right now.

3. hicksville by dylan horrocks

this is universailly described as a love letter to comics as a medium. it tells you a biographical account of dylan horrocks life. it also tells you a biographical account of sam zabel, a character of horrock's that appears in much of his ouvre. it also tells you a story of intrigue and mystery surrounding the biggest comic creator in the world, dick burger (yeah, thats his name). it is also my favorite comic.

list of good shit that i couldnt fit into a theme and im also bored of this now so heres just a loooong list

the many deaths of laila starr by ram v and filipe andrade

judas by jeff loveness and jakub rebelka

the loneliness of the long distance cartoonist by adrian tomine

un homme est mort by etienne davodeau and kris

el hombre que vino del cielo by infame & co.

box office poison by alex robinson

fishflies by jeff lemire

andre the giant. life and legend by box carr

le retorneur by freederik peeters

elks run by joshua hale fialkov and noel tuazon

just so happens by fumio obata

ody-c by matt fraction and chris ward

trenches by scott mills

[unholydeukae]

Hi hello how are you? I hope you are doing alright.

I'm not sure if you will do this one but do you think you could write anything about a reader, who has sexual trauma, wanting to take that step with their Dreamcatcher GF? I'm not sure if this is allowed to be asked. I read the "will not write" list but I wasn't sure if this counted under the noncon no's...

If you won't write this one, I understand

Hello anonie :) your request is absolutely fine, no worries! We say that we don't write non-con and made that post because we don't want to write the members as neither sexual predators nor victims of SA, but your ask doesn't include that, so you're all good!!

I hope you like it 🫶🏼

JiU:

Upon hearing about the trauma, she keeps calm to the outside but is boiling inside

If she ever sees that person in real life she definitely needs a good alibi, because there will be blood (hopefully not literally)

She never pushes anything sexually of course, even makes sure you’re okay before she pecks your lips

Since she’s a service top often, she listens to everything you say and ask her to do very attentively and doesn’t rush anything

The thought of taking the lead doesn’t even cross her mind, she simply does what you tell her and stops at the slightest sign of discomfort

SuA:

She definitely doesn’t keep calm on the outside when she hears about it

It wouldn’t have taken much more for her to run outside to find the person and slap them in the face (in her imagination - in real life she’s all bark no bite but that doesn’t make her reaction less strong and valid)

Tears of anger run down her face and she nearly starts yelling at the monster that did those things to you, despite them obviously not being there with you

Touching others is a difficult thing for you because of what happened to you, but her clear instructions help you a lot and you never feel pushed about anything

It’s very important for her that you never feel like it’s a problem if you can’t or don’t want to do something and that you never ever have to feel bad for stopping, even as the top

Siyeon:

When you tell her she looks at you blankly for a moment, struggling to process that someone would actually do something so awful to you

Upon realizing she’s so worried she’ll hurt you that she holds your hands tightly between hers and repeats a hundred times that you didn’t deserve that and that she’ll never do something like that to you because you’re the most precious person to her

(also, if she ever accidentally crosses that person’s way, she’ll definitely be tempted to make it look like an accident)

She always thought it’d be an amazing experience to make you feel good and while it still is, she’s also very scared to hurt you

Everything goes very slowly over the span of days and weeks until she even touches your bare chest, because nothing would destroy her more than be too rough and hurt you even more

Handong:

As soon as you tell her you want to talk to her, she shifts into her serious mode and listens attentively, but despite her best efforts to be solid as a rock for you, her eyes widen when you tell her everything (and the gears in her mind start shifting if she should maybe do some undercover digital psycho terror)

Feeling her arms around you as you quietly cry into her shoulder is all you need in that moment

When one day you tell her you want to go further than kissing, she asks once if you’re sure but doesn’t repeatedly ask again to not make you insecure about your decision

She asks you for some time and after cooking dinner for you, you walk into a decorated bedroom, candles burning that emit a relaxing scent and rose petals on the bed

During all of it she makes sure that everything is slow and gentle and is assertive to any signs of you being uncomfortable, not wanting you to think she wouldn’t care about you enough

Yoohyeon:

When you tell her about it, she freezes first, then starts bawling her eyes out until she’s calmed down enough to listen intently to what you say

She feels really helpless and doesn’t know how to support you because she thinks holding you and listening to you and making sure you feel valid is not enough

(You tell her that it is but she doesn’t believe you)

Your wish to take things further makes her be a little bit panicky and anxious, she’s really worried she’ll accidentally make everything worse

Checking in what feels like every five seconds is nearly a bit much for you but you know she does it with the best intentions possible, so you’re more than fine to give her what she needs

Dami:

Probably the most collected reaction, together with Handong

Hot chocolate is prepared when you tell her you want to talk about something and she listens quietly the whole time, only rubbing your hand or drying your tears when necessary

After you’re done explaining and getting some cuddles, she asks how you would like to proceed regarding sex

You two talk about boundaries, yes’s and no’s intensely and agree upon the light system and two nonverbal safewords just in case

So once you actually decide to take the next step with her, it goes very smoothly and you feel safe at all times, not doubting a second that she would react immediately once you put a stop to it

Gahyun:

Cries with you at first when you tell her, then gets angry and wants the person’s name and address but you calm her down quickly

Tells you that she’s more than okay with it if you don’t want to do any sexual stuff at all or for as long as you’re not comfortable

After the conversation, she collects a ton of information online and in books, doing a lot of research about both the best ways to go on about such an experience when it comes to sex and the psychological aspects of it

She’s actually the one to approach you about how to continue, suggesting and explaining things she found out and asks about your opinion and stance about it all

You’re so touched that she did so much research that it’s easy to relax enough with her - she made it very clear how much she wants the experience to be the best for you

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Hey everyone.

Maybe some of you have noticed that my writing's been super sporadic since like June (if you haven't that's very okay) but I just wanted to write a little bit about what's been happening in my life because it's had a pretty big impact on my writing.

It turns out that I'm actually ace.

So, if you happen to notice an uptick in me writing fics with ace characters who still get to be loved, I'm just trying to process a thing.

Please feel free to skip the rest of this post if you're not interested in the harrowing journey of self discovery. I am absolutely giving too much information about my life, I'm just really working at processing everything and I'm hoping writing it out will help. And honestly, there have been some beautiful souls in the Tumblr community who have given me some beautiful encouragement (including but not limited to @basicallyahedgehog who answered an anon ask I sent them the other day with so much kindness and encouragement because I'd bawled my eyes out about one of their fics featuring ace Harry/Draco.).

(Anyway. If you want to read a ramble about all of the things I'm struggling with at the present moment, I'm gladly accepting advice and kindness at this time. Please read below the cut and chime in if you have anything hopeful to add.)

For most of my life I've pretty comfortably called myself a "picky bi" and in the past couple of years have labeled myself "demisexual" because I'm not sex repulsed; I've had sex, it was fine/good when it's with someone who I'm in love with. I moved on from the labeling, content with the label I'd given myself and whatnot.

It's been a minute (read: 8+ years) since I've been in a relationship that got to the point where I've considered having sex but I didn't really think all that much of it. In retrospect, I think this is largely because I've grown a lot in terms of self respect and honoring my own autonomy. Somewhere around 25, I started saying no when I didn't want something and if the other person didn't respect that decision they were not worth my time.

Anyway, it didn't really occur to me that perhaps going nearly a decade without thinking about/wanting to have sex with anyone (and without experiencing even vague aesthetic attraction to someone with only the odd exception here and there- some of you saw that post a couple of months ago, apparently just having the thought that someone is pretty isn't the same as attraction that allo people experience- so that panic now seems pretty unnecessary. It literally boggles my mind that people can just see a person they've never met and want to have sex with them. Anyway, I'm digressing.) Apparently, it's not a common occurrence even among demisexuals to go that long without thinking about sex if you have emotional intimacy with people (which I do). So fast forward to June when I went to a conference for lgbtqia christians and started listening to people talk about attraction.

To say that my experience of attraction and desire for sex is profoundly different than that of nearly all of the people that I talked to at that conference would be an understatement.

After that conference, I started talking to a lot of friends about their experience of attraction and their desire for sex (eventually this also included some new friends who are demi/ace) and have been a little flabbergasted by their responses. Suddenly, in light of the fact that my body doesn't interpret a lot of things the way that other peoples' seem to, a lot of things started to make sense.

I've been called a flirt (at best, and a [cock]tease in more unpleasant moments) my entire life because I always want to give people gentle physical affection; I love holding hands, touching people on the arm while we're having a conversation, playing with peoples' hair, hugging, leaning, the list is long- none of those things have ever felt like flirting to me. Every one of those actions was the end in itself, there was no artifice in my touches, no desire or even thought for more, but APPARENTLY that is not the thing that happens in a lot of peoples' bodies. It is incomprehensible to me that simple, affectionate touches are not something that everyone just wants to do to anyone that they harbor platonic affection for. This also applies to the way that I communicate with people. Again, I've been called a flirt, been told that I'm intense, been told that I'm trying to 'steal' peoples' boy/girl friends simply by being friends with them. APPARENTLY, showing "too much" interest in other peoples' lives and hobbies is flirting. APPARENTLY, getting really excited for people who are excited and doing cool things is flirting. Because (or so I have been told) the emotional energy I expend is too much to just be friends; surely, I have another angle.

Next, in terms of attraction, I experience attraction to beautiful things in nature in the same way that I experience it to people. If I'm being honest, nature makes my heart sing in a way that people usually don't. I can get caught up in the beauty of the world; the vastness of the ocean for literal hours, in the majesty of the mountains, the strength of trees, the way water carves a path through the rocks in glens and waterfalls. The world takes my breath away, it makes me weep just to exist in nature. Apparently, this in not everyone's experience of nature and apparently, many people who want to have sex don't think that trees, or bodies of water, or mountains have as much (or more, in my humble opinion) appeal than humans.

It's come to my attention that even the way that I have experienced heart break from relationships where I was "in love" and having sex is not the way that people typically experience heartbreak. All heart break feels the same to me; grieving leaving a job, grieving the death of a loved one, grieving horrible things that happen to my students, grieving the loss of friendships, and grieving the loss of a relationship feel like the same heart break. (Like some of those things hurt worse than others but the heart break over the loss of a relationship isn't worse.) One of my friends mentioned that I grieve the passing of summer into autumn (I fucking hate the winter) like the loss of a relationship and I wish I could say that she is wrong. I've been told my whole life that I experience my emotions too big and I just can't help but wonder if there is some sort of correlation there, but I digress.

The literal dream for my life is to have someone who wants to get in the car or on a plane and travel with me. Someone who I can make coffee for in the mornings and who wants to cook me dinner at night. Someone who wants to sit on the couch after a long day at work and talk about nothing, or watch a show, or just exist together. Someone who wants to dance with me in the kitchen, and hold my hand while we walk, who wants to smile at me while I ramble about nature. I want someone who wants to hold me when I cry, who wants to listen to me when I'm mad, someone who will remind me to take a break when I'm working too hard. The only thing that I actually want from a partner is just someone to do life with. It's not that I'm opposed to sex, it's just that it literally doesn't matter.

(So many things in past relationships, so many fights, so many of the reasons that I was left, so many things that I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND make sense now. Or at least they're starting to.)

So. In the process of understanding this complete fuckery, of trying to put all of the pieces that haven't quite made sense in my life into order, in the end of July my best friend told me that she's in love with me.

And on the one hand, I'm fucking over the moon, delighted, honored, speechless, crazy-happy. She's literally the best person I have ever known, she's the kindest, sweetest, most loyal, loving, amazing human being to ever exist. She loves me so well, so completely, like all of the things that I said above that are my dream; that is her. We road trip together, and she lets me braid her hair, and we snuggle on the couch and watch movies, and we talk for hours (literally hours, when we road trip we go for 7-10 days at a time and I like do not shut the fuck up for more than like 5 minutes total the entire day and she loves me; loves listening to me talk about whatever is in my brain), and when I'm going on and on about how pretty things are in nature she looks at me like I'm the pretty thing (when I say, 'oh my gosh. that mountain, tree, lake, ocean, etc. is so beautiful.' she literally says 'you're so beautiful' and I am deceased, my heart can't take it, I can't fucking stop smiling- I don't even want to), and she lets me info dump about whatever I'm learning, and she loves my brain and my stupid adhd, and she plays me sappy love songs and sings them to me (and she sings in my car, sings to me even though she doesn't sing in front of people) and and and... she makes me feel like I'm good. She makes me feel like I'm all of the things that other people have said I'm not.

And I am constantly terrified of hurting her.

There are a variety of reasons we're not planning on having sex (partially because it's not really something that I want) that I'm not going to get into but I'm afraid of being what I've been to other people. I'm afraid of her feeling like I'm pushing her buttons because I just always want to be touching her (very platonically) like just having our shoulders bumping while we walk, or putting my head on her shoulder when we're on the couch, or letting our elbows press against one another while we're in the car. BUT what happens in our bodies when we're touching like that is really different. Like I described above, for me any type of touch is really the end goal in and of itself (if I'm braiding her hair, it's safe to assume that that is all I want to be doing. If I'm leaning against her on the couch, that too is what I'm wanting.) But that's not always how her body wants to interpret touch, even if she logically knows that I'm not intentionally teasing (she would never say that she feels like I'm trying to tease her, for the record, it's just the easiest way for me to articulate what it feels like could be happening).

And I love her so much, like so much; I'd do anything for her but it's not the same kind of love that she feels for me. By which I mean that she is just really gay and actively attracted to me emotionally/physically but for me if she started dating someone else, I'd be actually fine with that. If she was dating/having sex with someone I wouldn't be jealous, as long as we still get to be friends. (And maybe her dating would necessarily change the dynamic of our friendship and that would be really hard but that's a different mental exercise.) This isn't the way that she feels.

She is so special and important to me but even the way that we are aware of the other person's presence is different. For me, if I'm in a group of people and she's there, I'm aware of that on some level but it's not at the forefront of my mind. My brain is always sort of 'triaging' the people around me when they're my friends; who's being too quiet? who has been going through a rough patch with work/family, etc? who has an exciting new thing they need someone to squeal about with them? who hasn't been included in the conversation in too long? (see the paragraph above about flirting. haha.) She's there but she often isn't the first person I'm thinking about because I talk to her almost every day, I get to love her every day, and odds are good that we either drove together or will talk on the phone our way home from the event- I see the other people there less, so my brain just prioritizes them since I have less time to love them. (This is actually really good, healthy progress for me in terms of healthy attachment and not forming a codependent relationship. My therapist and I are really proud of the work I'm doing, but I'm digressing again.) For her, though, she always knows exactly where I am. It is work for her to pay attention to other conversations, work to be in a different room. In most situations, I am the person she defaults to thinking about and wanting to be near and she has to actively choose other things if she wants to. (And I don't mean to sound like an absolute asshole, it's not like I ignore her or anything, and I'm delighted for us to be in the same conversations, it's just a different way that we engage with the world.)

I love her so much. And I'm afraid of messing everything up. Of hurting her. Of asking too much of her without asking for anything at all. I try to let her be the one to initiate physical touch (or I ask first) because sometimes it's too hard on her body and that's fair. I feel frustrated with the different ways that we experience love for each other because the way that she loves me feels so good and safe to me and it makes me feel so happy. I'm afraid that the way that I love her doesn't feel as nice for her, that it feels less than, that the way I express my love and devotion isn't as good. I'm afraid that the way she loves me is going to wear her out. She always says she knows I love her just as much as she loves me, it's just different. She says she's okay, she says that the way I love her is good for her and she's happy. But it's hard to believe.

I'm afraid that she'll fall in love with someone else who can love her the way she loves and I won't matter to her anymore (partially because that's been my experience of people who have said they're in love with me). I'm afraid.

Is it even fair to entertain the idea of maybe having a whole life together? (we're already entertaining the ideas, already daydreaming about 'what if we lived together', where we're going on our next road trip, etc. And I'm terrified.) Is it asking her to give up too much? I would spend the rest of my life with her. I'd be good and kind to her, I would love her with so much tenderness. But is it enough? Am I enough with just the things that I have to give? Is it actually possible for someone to love me for just me and not for the ways that I could contort myself to be something I'm not?

I recognize the irony in what I'm asking. I know that that's what all of these hundreds of stories I've written here say, it's what I want to believe. But is it even possible when it's reality?

I don't know. Does anyone have any good advice? Any ace people out there living with a person who's in love with them? Does anyone have something that's lasted?

[babyjakes]

forever and a day | 54. you didn't.

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summary | a story in which america’s favorite captain gives a new life and family to a five-year-old girl who has suffered well beyond her years at the hands of hydra.

characters | dad!steve rogers, girl/willa rogers (original character)

warnings | AU similar enough to OU to include spoilers to many Marvel movies (Age of Ultron and beyond). action and fight scenes with violence and killing. injuries/mild gore. mature themes related to and semi-graphic depictions of child abuse/neglect, past CSA and CSM, and their aftermath (emaciation, wounds, scarring, etc). medical abuse (including sterilization) and experimentation. ptsd/trauma symptoms in a child (developmental discrepancies, de-humanized behavior, detachment, extreme fears). medical treatment of CSM and other aftermath of abuse.trauma-informed therapeutic treatment of ECT. minor mentions of disordered eating. themes relating to abuse of power/authority and immoral interrogation tactics including SA (with brief depictions.) evil!Tony Stark.

[Steve]

If the night at Bucky's had been an isolated incident, I wouldn't have thought much about it. Unfortunately, in the days that have followed, things have only seemed to get more and more difficult for Willa.

It started the following morning, when I woke up around 5:00am to find the little girl in the bed next to me, bawling her eyes out. I had quickly switched on the bedside lamp, checking her over to see what was the matter, and I found her to be in the grips of a seemingly hellish night terror. She had no mind channel open, no crimson glow, so there was no way for me to know what she was dreaming of. Immediately, I had gathered her in my arms, rocking and soothing her as best I could while simultaneously hoping to rouse her from her torturous sleep. But it was no use; she was far too deep in the nightmare to break free. She flailed and sobbed and sputtered incoherently for hours, and all I could do was hold her and watch. By the time 7:00am rolled around, she finally woke up, and at that point she was inconsolable.

I couldn't get anything out of her that entire morning. She had fought her way out of my arms and crawled deep under my blankets, and I simply had no heart to remove her. I tried coaxing her out with the promise of cuddles, breakfast, and even her favorite movie, but nothing worked. Eventually, I decided to leave her alone and let her determine when she felt safe to come out, but she ended up staying there for most of the day. When she did finally emerge, she was a puddle of tears, her eyes begging for comfort and reassurance. But at the same time, she wouldn't let me come anywhere near her. When bedtime came around again, I offered to let her sleep with me in my room for another night, and she surprised me greatly by agreeing to it.

Through the night, she had another horrific nightmare, one so terrifying that it sent her jumping out of the bed in fear when she awoke. As soon as she saw me waiting for her with the lamp on, a deeply concerned expression drawn on my face, she grew so afraid of being punished that she began hyperventilating, eventually passing out from her compromised airflow. In the agonizing process of her panic attack, she wet herself again, and it was at that point that I decided I needed to speak with Jenny.

"Did anything happen in the days leading up to her shift in behavior that might've been cause for such a regression?" the mild young lady asks as she sits across from me in the living room. Resting back against the soft cushions of the sofa, I pick apart the past week in my mind, ultimately unable to identify anything.

"No," I sigh with a shake of my head. "There were small incidents here and there, but that's always the way it's been with her. Nothing major happened, at least, not that I can think of." It's now later in the morning, and Jenny and I are wrapping up a last-minute session I requested while Willa plays in her room. The doctor started off speaking with the child herself, but after half an hour or so of not getting much response at all, she decided to come out and work with me instead.

"I see," Jenny notes, scribbling something down on her legal pad. Closing up her pen, she brings her eyes up to meet mine, a familiar sense of warmth and patience lingering in her gaze. "Steve, with everything that Willa's gone through, her road to recovery isn't going to be as smooth as any of us would like it to be." I nod, not sure where the doctor could be going with a statement like that. "And even though things seem like they're getting worse with her, this is actually a pattern that's seen quite frequently with survivors of abuse and trauma who've recently escaped. Willa's body and mind were suppressing a lot of emotions, a lot of fear during her captivity, and even at the tower due to the things Tony did; her system couldn't handle addressing these feelings, so it shut them out. Now that she's in a truly safe place, with a safe person who only loves her and takes care of her, those things are beginning to show themselves because it's safe for them to." A wave of relief washes over me as the woman finishes her explanation, and I let out a deep hum.

"So this... is normal?" I ask. She nods.

"It's a difficult part of the process, since it might seem to both of you like things are getting worse when they should be getting better, but it's really just a sign that her body and mind are ready to start doing some deeper repair."

"I see. That's..." my voice trails off as I bring a hand up to brush through my hair. "That's so good to hear," I finish honestly. "I was really worried that I had done something wrong, or was messing up in some way."

"I don't think you need to worry about that, Steve, not at all. You're doing a phenomenal job with Willa. She just adores you." A faint smile crosses my face as I think of the little girl, and how much love and care I hold for her in my heart as well. "As far as dealing with her new or returning behavior, I'd recommend allowing her to get it out, as much as you possibly can. A big part of her might just need to respond in the way her body originally wanted to. She might need to go through the act of being scared or crying or getting sick, since those were all responses that were made impossible for her up until now. In regards to the increased accidents, it's a very common indicator of sexual trauma in children. I know it's frustrating, but try to be as patient with her about it as you can."

"No, no- it's not even frustrating," I assure her quickly, meaning the words with all my heart. "Really, it's not. It's not a hassle when it happens, not at all; it just makes me so worried."

"I know it's alarming to see her regressing in that sense, but it's totally normal and shouldn't pose an issue permanently as long as she remains in a safe environment where she isn't violated sexually. We're just meeting her where she's at, if that makes sense, and where she's at might go forward or backward for a while before we really start making linear progress. I know you know this already, but Willa is in many ways somewhat younger than five still, at least internally. And that's okay. We just have to let her exist at whatever developmental age she's at."

"And you think- you're sure it's okay? That I'm kind of, well- I don't know, kind of 'babying' her, as Tony would say?" I ask, wanting to be sure the doctor still approves of my controversial approach. Jenny smiles, allowing me to relax even more with relief.

"Yes, that's completely acceptable. Actually, it's probably very therapeutic for her system to be allowed to have those critical early childhood experiences that she was deprived of for so long. Whatever helps her feel safe and secure, even if it's meant for younger kids, is completely fine."

"Good," I nod, feeling slightly more sure about myself as a parent from all of Jenny's encouragement. "I'm sorry she wasn't up to working with you today," I apologize again, "I told her you were coming and asked her to do her best to be open and honest, but... I don't know. At the same time, I don't have much heart to push her."

"It's completely fine," Jenny reassures me once more, shaking her head at my persistent apologizing. "Therapy isn't ever something that should be forced upon a child. She'll talk when she's ready." Glancing down at her notepad, she offers, "I was wondering, though, if maybe the three of us could wrap up the session together? I believe Willa's still playing by herself in her room, and a lot of times children can be demonstrative of what they're thinking or feeling through the ways that they play. Maybe we could sit in with her for a little bit, if you don't mind?"

"I don't mind at all," I tell her, earning a smile as she rises to her feet. 

"Alright, then," she says with a nod. "I'll let you lead the way."

Leading the woman back through the house, I stop just outside the child's half-open door, knocking a few times against the sturdy wood before pulling it the rest of the way open. Willa sits on the floor beside her bed, a few toys scattered around her as she holds a small wooden doll in her hands. Her big green eyes meet mine warily, and my heart sinks as she begins to tremble. "Hey sweetheart," I greet gently. For a moment, I remember that just a few days ago, she would beam every time I entered the room. Realizing that we're back to such a state of fear and uncertainty, a tinge of disappointment builds up inside of me. But then, I remember the doctor's words, and I'm able to remind myself that Willa's behavior is actually probably a good sign, in some weird way. "Things are starting to show themselves because it's safe for them to."

"Your daddy and I were wondering if we could sit and play with you for a little bit," the young lady's soothing voice overlaps her previous words running through my head. A look of skepticism forms on the little girl's face as she glances between the two of us, but thankfully after a few more moments, she nods. "Wonderful," Jenny says with a smile, and we enter in, both sitting a few feet back to give the child some space.

"What're you playing, Willa-bug?" I ask in a gentle tone, now able to get a better look at the toys she's taken out of her boxes. She has a bathtub and a sandbox from a dollhouse set, as well as Captain America and Ironman figurines, and the little brown-haired doll she's holding in her hand. The clothes are half torn off the doll, the hair messed and tangled. Big, frightened eyes look from the doll to me, and then back. "Who've you got there?"

"Willa," she says simply, holding up the doll that seems to represent herself. I nod.

"Is Willa getting dressed?" Jenny asks politely.

Swallowing hard, Willa shakes her head. "Off," she mumbles, removing the toy's purple dress and placing it on the floor. She then removes the doll's underwear as well, leaving it completely naked. Next, she reaches over and picks up the sandbox, opening up the cover. Almost urgently, she begins to dig, not stopping until she's created a little hole in the center. Then, she takes the Willa doll, placing it in the center of the hole. A lump forms in my throat as she buries the tiny pair of underpants with it, not paying any mind to the dress.

"Oh, you're... is Willa playing in the sand?" I ask, trying to understand the child's actions. Not giving a response, Willa simply continues with her scene, picking up the Ironman action figure and extending its arm. Clumsily, she begins using the plastic hand of the figurine to begin shuffling sand back over the doll that represents herself. "Willa, sweetie, what- what is Ironman doing?" I question carefully. 

Once the wooden doll and her underwear have disappeared completely beneath the sand, Willa extends the other arm of the superhero's body, making them now both stick out straight. With a concerning amount of force, she begins jabbing the hands into the sand, uncomfortable sounds of plastic and wood colliding as the man apparently attacks the girl. Glancing over at Jenny, I see that her brow is furrowed in concentration. All I can hope is that she's understanding what Willa's actions mean, because to be completely honest, I have no idea what to make of any of it. 

After several more moments of the violent motions, Willa finally stops, putting Ironman's arms back down and dropping him to the floor. Sifting through the sand, Willa pulls out the wooden doll, shaking her off slightly before finding her purple dress and redressing her. Turning back to the sandbox for a moment, she uses a single finger to re-bury the underpants, causing my brain to ache with questions and concerns. When satisfied with the way the piece of clothing is hidden, Willa picks up the bathtub, once again removing the doll's dress before placing her in the tub, coming to what seems to be a stopping point.

"Sweetheart?" I ask quietly, unable to even form my thoughts into a question.

"Can you tell us what you're doing, Willa?" Jenny fills in for me. "Willa's taking a bath now?" The little girl nods. "What about Daddy? He's with you when you take baths, right?" she continues, picking up Captain America off the floor and offering it to the child. To my surprise, Willa shakes her head, pushing the doll away. Jenny lets her. "No help from Daddy? Okay, that's okay, hun," the doctor says quickly, wanting to avoid upsetting the chidl. 

"What was... what happened in the sandbox, honey?" I ask, not sure if I should be asking so many questions but ultimately too worried to refrain from doing so. Willa flinches slightly at my question, her bottom lip quivering as she gives me nothing but silence in return. "Okay, it's okay, sweetheart," I coo soothingly, not wanting to push the subject too hard, "that's okay, you don't have to tell us."

"How about you keep playing, sweetie," Jenny suggests, "it's okay. You said Willa was in the bath?" The small girl nods, looking back down at her toys before pulling the doll out of the tub, redressing her in her purple gown. Then, the child surprises both me and the doctor by repeating the same exact process all over again, starting with digging out the underpants in the sandbox, putting them back on the doll, and then completely undressing it.

My brow creases in perplexion as I watch Willa 'play,' her motions almost seeming like a routine or ritual that her body knows by heart. She repeats the entire scene once, then twice, and by the point in which she's buried herself a third time with her underwear, preparing the Ironman doll to perform his assault, I finally speak again, causing the child to pause. "Willa," I breathe, my heart pounding faintly in my ears. "What are you doing?"

Her wary gaze rises to meet mine and she blinks, her arm beginning to tremble as she clutches the action figure tightly. 

"Could you explain it to us?" Jenny adds, her voice laced with concern. "What is Ironman doing to Willa?"

"Why is she buried with her underwear?" I ask, earning a glance of warning from the doctor. Sighing, I take a moment to breathe, not wanting to say anything I might regret. "What is- sweetheart," I murmur as I notice the poor thing's eyes filling with tears. "What is Tony doing to you?"

"Hurting me," she concedes, her voice barely loud enough to hear. Her big green eyes peer up at mine and beg for what she's too afraid to out loud: to not hurt her, myself, to not be angry with her for expressing her feelings with her toys.

"Okay, Willa-bug," I nod, not completely understanding but deciding that at the moment, I don't really need to. My biggest priority for now has to be showing Willa that she's safe and that she's not in trouble for what she's admitted. "What if- how about Daddy comes and helps you?" I offer hopefully, taking the Captain America figure from Jenny carefully and holding it up for the little girl to see. "How about Daddy comes and protects you?"

"N-no," Willa refuses, picking up her sandbox and holding it slightly closer to herself, almost in a protective manner.

"Why not, sweetheart? How about Daddy comes and- comes and makes Tony stop, stops him from hurting you," I try, reaching out with the figure and trying to place it in the sandbox with the other two characters. Unexpectedly, Willa jerks it away, bits of sand spilling out from the sides as a look of anger forms on the child's face, a look I've never seen before. "Willa, please-" I insist, extending a hand to take hold of the sandbox.

But to my complete surprise, instead of pulling back again or allowing me, Willa throws the entire thing at me, sand dumping all over my clothes as she snaps, "No. You don't. You didn't."

As the dust settles into my lap and I blink away the sand from my eyes, I'm met with the sight of Willa staring back at me, any indication of anger or frustration completely drained from her face. Her eyes are as wide as saucers as she gawks at me, as if she, herself, can't believe what she's done. And before I can say anything, before I can reassure her or even try to calm her fears, she's jolted up onto her feet, running right out of her bedroom door. 

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[mana-jjk]

Mana.... Hows jjk 261 :3 (im bawling my eyes out)

hi babes <3 !

i’m coping so hard right now, but this chapter gave so much to think about in terms of characterization too.

spoilers under the cut !! i’m so serious y’all, you will be majorly spoiled if you keep reading

ok so first of all, i feel so vindicated that everyone is starting to realize how much of a crazy bitch yuuta is. i’ve been saying since day one that the boy is unhinged and i love him for it. i think it’s interesting how in general, the second years all fall under a different morality stance that impacts each other.

i don’t think the typical moral alignment chart really fits them, so let me ramble for a second.

maki is a bit true neutral to me in that she will turn her nose to the society set before her, because it’s wrong. she has strong ideals, but her behavior used to be very much of looking out for herself before much else. that means hurting others feelings, not giving into designated good behavior to make it easier for others, goals dedicated to breaking the glass ceiling rather than any passion to save anyone. her actions may lean to an objective good and evil stance, whatever may be necessary. i think her stance is definitely swayed by her comrades. the initial reaction to yuuta possessing gojo’s body was immediate refusal. it’s almost odd that she’s had such a strong reaction to it, considering her past attitude of doing whatever may be necessary. her real reaction stems from the danger that has the potential of impacting yuuta.

panda is definitely more interesting in that he’s not human. he’s most often shown as one of the more empathetic in the show despite his inhuman origins. yet at the same time, he’s very tactical and thinks of humans and their emotions as strange. there’s an almost juxtaposition of that kind nature in combination with a degree of separation that is visceral in nature. case in point, panda acknowledges that there is danger to yuuta in this case, yet he has the most subdued reaction to such. is this because he cares less? i don’t think so. however, another point is when yuuta is screaming about becoming a monster. panda shows little to no reaction outwardly. again, you have to ponder the choice in this. yuuta used to be the prime example of his inability to understand humans and their emotions. i do wonder if that’s still the case after masamichi was killed. they both lost a figure deeply important to them. the difference is that panda refrained from enacting vengeance and instead displayed his, perhaps most genuine, showcase of emotion. part of panda’s journey is about discovering where he stands in society. reacting to this in such a way feels like an acceptance of that journey coming to an end. he understands yuuta, because he had to become more in order to process these tragedies, with another on the horizon.

i think i’ve said this before, but i do see potential where toge would’ve been set up as the moral compass of the second years (if gege didn’t keep forgetting about him). out of all the characters, toge was set up to be one of the most self-sacrificial. silencing and isolating himself his entire life to prevent cursing others, trying to make yuuta stay back or run away when there’s danger, protecting megumi despite the damage to his throat, asking nobara not to kill one of the very few people who knows a dangerous weakness of cursed speech, protecting an entire civilian crowd by himself, and so on. but there’s smaller pieces too. stopping maki from bullying yuuta, protesting sending yuuji alone during the exchange event, always choosing non-violent commands on his peers if necessary, physically stepping in to stop todo from harassing megumi, checking in on the others well being. i’ve always seen that moment with maki and stopping her as indicative to their relationship. if he says she’s gone too far, she trusts him. his reaction to yuuta’s speech is also the most visceral, there’s a hint of horror on his face that you can’t see with anyone else. it’s a terror i only have to assume at the knowledge that yuuta cannot, will not be stopped. and for toge, who has so much of his character built around care, it must be so horrifying to know that you are helpless to save the one you care about most, as helpless as he was to prevent the decimation of the civilians entrusted to him in shibuya.

yuuta actually tickles my brain in the best way y’all. i have SO MUCH to say about this man and his morals. what is absolutely crazy is that you would think yuuta is being set up as the straight man (not literally, that boy is bisexual as fuck), but in that he did not grow up in their society. maki, toge, and panda were all groomed from birth to be soldiers. ready to do what is necessary to save civilians. megumi said it best, they’re not heroes, they’re jujutsu sorcerers. that means being deplorable sometimes, expecting not to save everyone, yet willing to die in an instance without cursing the world. despite this, somehow it’s yuuta who emulates these values the most. where others may protest the ethics of the body swap, yuuta intercepts with bone-chilling anger. where toge refrains from using permanently damaging curse words, the first one and most common yuuta uses is ‘die,’ where others might turn tail and run, yuuta digs in his heel and does what is necessary. likely this is a byproduct of growing up with the vengeful spirit of rika for five years. single-handedly, he was responsible for numerous injuries and deaths even before arriving at the school. we see this byproduct in his willingness in biting the faces off roaches, killing yuuji, and taking it upon himself to kill his mentor’s best friend not once, but twice. and then letting the copy of rika EAT HIM !!

were these all necessary at the time? of course, but the moral strain, the implications of his mental state in order to do so is one that is vastly underestimated.

yuuta killed yuuji.

with his own hand, he cut through flesh and blood and bone and dug through to the other side. he did it without a twitch in his face, he did it after chasing him through the city. yuuji did not lie down and take it, he ran and he fought for his life. the desperation on yuuji’s face, the terror, the chilling understanding that he would not survive this. he might have healed him, but what kind of person do you think it takes to go through with that? yes, it was necessary. but i want you to imagine yourself in that position. it’s not a moment to take lightly, especially if you’re not entirely sure if it will work. taking this all to the present day, if you were surprised at the lengths yuuta will go, i truly cannot imagine why.

gojo satoru is not being used as a weapon. he is a tribute. the very act in itself is an accolade, the only eulogy they can afford to provide. the act of desecration is a love letter, a legacy borne of blood soaked thorns and crumbling graves. the strongest, the one and only, the honored one. untouchable, unreachable, an unattainable monster. gojo describes others as the flowers that fester and grow, who love in theory but never truly understand. do you understand the gut-wrenching tragedy it takes for someone as blessed as yuuta to sink into the grime that no one dares venture, to foresake his blessings to become the decomposition, the nourishment of these roots, to take over like a parasite, a hive mind, if only to ensure the loss is not in vain?

no one is looking at this the right way.

yuuta isn’t disrespecting gojo by using his body as a weapon, he is honoring him in the only way he knows how. he’s taking his life, filled with blessings, friends that adore him, the chances for love and happiness, the journey it took for him to come here, and laying it out in offering. i see your pain, i see your endings, and to ensure you rest in peace, i will ensure that these hands finally lay to rest that which has taken so much from you.

yuuta loves gojo, he loves him so completely that he became a monster far before this act. he killed his best friend so he wouldn’t have to, he killed the parasitic host of his best friend so he wouldn’t have to, there’s so much blood on his hands it’s hard to tell where the devotion ends and humanity begins.

we can scream black and blue that this is wrong, that he deserves a proper rest, that they are abandoning the humanity in which they strive so much to save. to that i say, no shit, it’s almost like that’s the point. asking children to fight in a war they never asked for is wrong. training these children from birth and grooming them to be weapons before they even know how to define what it means to die is wrong. trying to execute teenagers with no knowledge or understanding of their abilities or place in this society is wrong. telling teenagers who will never experience a normal school life to engage in suicide missions, knowing they have no chance is wrong. demanding that they place priority over lives, especially over their own is wrong. outlawing their very existence, to which was groomed specifically for their society, is wrong. asking them to plan for their early demise, to greet death with acceptance rather than rage, is wrong. it’s all wrong, it’s all a product of a broken society that could never move forward. asking them to fight with amputated limbs, disfigured skin, and no one to mourn their existence beyond the circle of lives at the beck and call is wrong. but the end of sukuna is a potential turning point, the end of a generational transition cycle that continues to cog forward. gojo hated this society most of all, and i have no doubt that he has brought the end of it.

if not the death of the elders, it is the death of himself that spurs the same change that came with his birth. it’s almost tragic that gojo’s life mission was to ensure that the youth could live their lives to the fullest, yet he had to accept that their lives would be laid down regardless. gojo sacrificed his entire life, from birth to death to be a protector. yes he stopped executions, he gave chances to many who would have otherwise been ostracized, yet all in the same they lay down their lives and die all too soon. children he helped raise, children he would have done anything for, children who now face his death with their own bodies in the line of fire. in the end, he didn’t change a thing. prolonged death sentences maybe, yet what does it matter if they die by their society or by sukuna’s hand? that is why yuuta needed to take his body. because gojo is not done, he cannot be laid to rest until the final obstacle is out of the way. a last wish, the closing of a door, the balance of what was good and necessary.

as long as sukuna lives, they have failed. and yuuta, the one most blessed by the efforts of gojo, the one who had the most to live for, understands that more than anyone else.

the truth is that gojo was so completely adored by his student, in a way even he didn’t understand. children who were saved by him, the outcasts of the jujutsu world who were given a family because of him. megumi who was able to escape the zenins, yuuji who was given a prolonged execution, nobara who finally had people sitting in her chairs, maki who was fighting against the foundation, panda who was not even human, toge who’s very life was outlawed, yuuta who had long since lost all reason to live. they found each other because of gojo, they found reason to live in each other. because of that, they found the confidence to die too.

jujutsu kaisen for these very reasons is not for the faint of heart. the death of nanami was the tipping point of a decent into darkness in which children are not spared. there are no children in a war of this scale, only born and raised soldiers who will live and die a life documented only by the tragic losses unknown by the rest of society. the people who were everything, the people they would have done anything for, not even a smear in history. unnamed, unthanked, unnoticed in their absence to the rest of society. because even a happy story like yuuta’s is built on the knowledge that every blessing was only a prolonged sacrifice.

he would give up everything and anything, because that was the only way to ensure the people he loved, his everything and anything, lived to see another day. that is what becoming a monster truly means. the capability and willingness to become an ugly, wretched, and cruel being, if only to ensure you are the strongest.

however, yuuta does have something that gojo was never quite able to keep. the love and devotion matched in full by his comrades, unwilling to let him face these battles alone. therefore, even as tragedy trudges on, i truly hope this is where we can see the potential of the established bond in the second years.

i will continue being delusional, if only to believe my found family will not yet be ripped apart (like yuuta). so to answer your question, i too am suffering !! slice of life alternate universe when

[callmearcturus]

okay so PC Gamer just scattered a bunch of catnip for me with an article about What If Each Fallout Game Were A Movie, Who Would Direct It and I am going to read this live and judge it

because I'm having a relapse, we all understand this

A focused, mature, pressure cooker of a movie that is short and stylishly violent? Better call the director of John Wick to take the directorial reigns. Personally, I find Leitch's movies tend to have rather underwhelming final acts, too, and also have a penchant for ending abruptly when you feel more could have followed, so he's the perfect fit for a game that's incredible until it very quickly ends without much fanfare. John Wick movies don't tend to be very wacky either, often depicting the hero's world as very serious (despite the ludicrous premise of the fiction), so again this feels a strong and apt choice for the OG Fallout. A Friday night action movie.

HMMMMMM. I feel like I disagree on the mode I would want FO1 to be in. Like, yes, you can play it that way, but FO1 is famously one of the first games to make Speech arguably the most important skill to have in a video game, so I dunno. I love Leitch and feel like while his sense of realistic-yet-stunning action is a trademark, I think the use of locations is even more of his thing, and when I think about memorable locations, I think more of FO2 than FO1.

I feel like I would give FO1 to some hyper-realistic scumbag who is more obsessed with Process than Enterta-- oh. Nolan. gdi I'd give FO1 to Chris fucking Nolan, him whomst I loathe.

Who better to direct this expansive and often wacky depiction of the Fallout universe than the director responsible for epics such as Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, 12 Monkeys, Brazil, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, and The Man Who Killed Don Quixote? Gilliam loves a good road trip in his work, too, which fits with Fallout 2's Highwayman-based exploration, and his penchant for vast vistas with wacky and absurd details feels perfect. The combat scenes wouldn't be as slick as Leitch's Fallout movie, but characterisation and a more rambling, philosophical, off-beat narrative would deliver. Plus, Fallout 2 even has a Bridge Keeper encounter that directly references Monty Python and the Holy Grail, in which Gilliam starred. Watch on a Saturday night for a bit of everything.

......... I straight up cannot argue with that. No notes.

For a movie based on a game that is focussed almost entirely on squad-based combat in urban environments, combat where soldiers die in terrible ways and the horrors of war are all too apparent, I feel the director of The Hurt Locker, Kathryn Bigelow is perfect for this. Fallout: Tactics would be a war movie with a very tight focus and strong characterisation for just a handul of lead characters. Tense and at times adrenaline-inducing due to the flashes of extreme violence, but interspersed with soul-searching dialogue from its grizzled, war-scarred leads, this would be an erudite and focused Fallout war movie. Watch on a Monday or Tuesday night.

Looking at Bigelow's list of works is how I just now learned she also did Strange Days, so I think it's fair to say that this is giving her way too small of a pick. Give her FO1 and give Leitch FOT.

It would be so bad. Forget about A-bombs, everyone in the movie would drop an F-bomb every other line. Don't watch on any night.

Fucking weak-ass pick. Think about the history of how FO:BoS happened, i.e. they were trying to slap the Fallout license onto a completely different style of game without any respect for the source material. They swapped out Nuka Cola for Bawls product placement.

Give it to Zack Synder.

As the game that properly introduced V.A.T.S. system slow-mo to the Fallout universe, with kill shots shown off in glorious bullet time, there can be only one director for a film version of Fallout 3: the master himself, John Woo. Woo's stellar action movie work in titles such as Hard Boiled, Broken Arrow, Face/Off and Mission Impossible 2, among others, means the action in this game is off the charts. Slow-mo radiated doves and all! Woo handles the post-apocalypse war vibes well, too, thanks to his work on Windtalkers, while he communicates the hero's awakening into the future thanks to previous on Paycheck. A good fit for Friday night, thanks to the action, or midday during the weekend due to a longish, war movie-style runtime.

.....................

holy shit i cannot argue with that, that's genius. absolutely fucking yes. i think that's a perfect fit.

also, like, FO3 and Woo have the same "problem" for me, in that they know exactly what they are doing, it's just not my cup of tea, but there is a solid identity there.

yeah, fucking do it, give FO3 to John Woo.

SHUT THE FUCK UP

WHO WROTE THIS ARTICLE, AND DID THEY WRITE IT FROM MY FUCKING ATTIC?!

Casinos, gritty environments, extreme violence and heist movie vibes mean I think of Guy Ritchie for this film adaptation. Ritchie's also a fan of slow-mo combat shots, too, so we've got the game's V.A.T.S. system represented well, too, while the game's macho factional warfare as undertaken by factions like Caesar's Legion and the NCR, is right in keeping with Ritchie's love of gang-based conflict. There's not much romance in New Vegas, either, which is a weak spot for Ritchie, but as shown in movies like Sherlock Holmes, Snatch, The Gentleman, and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, he's good at holding together movies with various interconnecting narratives. His work on Aladdin also shows he can handle the comedic and wacky aspects of New Vegas, too. A mid-week action-comedy treat.

/rubs face

I am unfortunately a massive fucking fan of Ritchie movies. this is so powerful.

i think........... Ritchie is so thoroughly uninterested in saying anything philosophically profound, you cannot give him The Most Profound Fallout Game. like, I want to love this idea, I really do, but no.

....................... You need someone with snappy dialogue that actually means something, who is willing to veer into borderline magical realism, who loves an overdressed set, and who can manage a lot of different characters with well-reasoned motivations.

I think you need Rian Johnson.

OR DO I JUST WANT RIAN JOHNSON TO MAKE A VERSION OF "DEAD MONEY" THAT DOESN'T SUCK? WHO COULD SAY.

I feel Ang Lee is a good choice for a Fallout 4 movie adaptation, having good form in handling large and sprawling fictions with plenty of characters and side-stories. Just look at films like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Life of Pi as an example of this. He's got some form with action, too, thanks to his work on Hulk. There's probably more romance/relationship offering in Fallout 4 than in any other Fallout, and Ang Lee has form here too. The result, though, is a movie that ends up being a bit flabby and unfocussed at times, despite technically bringing more to the table than Fallout 3, and being funnier and lighter overall. Watch on a day off due to a chonky runtime.

what are you fucking talking about, Ang Lee's best movies are Brokeback and Sense & Sensibility, and his worst are probably Hulk and Gemini Man. Fallout 4 is the one where Bethesda just stopped pretending to give a shit about story and roleplaying, instead pivoting the game into a skinner box of tightly-honed but ultimately soulless mechanics.

I'm not even trying to mock Marvel, but I feel like the MCU's Design-By-Producer-And-Executive-Oversight is actually the answer here. It doesn't matter who directs it because the main voice will be a board room.

oh shut upppppp

Fallout Shelter would in some ways be the most obvious setup for a movie: the self-contained story of a vault-dwelling society, interspersed with the surface adventures of random dwellers. Sounds a bit like the TV show when you put it like that, which is why there's only one Nolan for the job: Christopher! Yes, fresh off Oppenheimer it is time for Oppenheimer 2, focusing on the aftermath of all-out nuclear war (hell, Cillian Murphy can even have a cameo as a brain in a jar, I'm that generous). Moody, intense, riven with twists you didn't see coming, and with all special effects done for realsies, this movie could only ever be rad. The only downside is that, like the TV show Silo, you'd spend an awful lot of time indoors.

absolutely fucking not. the thing about Nolan is that his shit is so meticulous, it like.... pitches past hyper-realism and lands in this weird uncanny valley of "he wouldn't fucking say that" but it's for a character you've only known for ten minutes.

FO: Shelter is about emergent storytelling that feels almost accidental rather than arranged or scripted. you need someone who is hands-off the script but can capture a.... good moment..............

oh god, it's JJ Abrams, isn't it? god dammit. or, frankly? Spielberg. so I'm saying no to the director i hate and offering instead two other directors i dislike, but for different reasons.

yeah. yep. that's what i'm doing.

SPITTAKE

As an MMO that takes many aspects of the Fallout universe to the extreme, it feels a movie version of Fallout 76 would be akin to a huge-budget, climatic MCU movie where it really helps if you've had previous with the series to get most enjoyment. As such, I feel the Russo brothers would take the reigns for Fallout 76. The result would be a jack-of-all-trades action-adventure that borrows bits of every previous Fallout to make something that appeals to a lot of people but, after watching, doesn't go down as something you'd rewatch for most all of them. Big, bright, wacky and action-filled, there's no doubting though that you get a spectacle and fun, though. Watch in two sittings over two nights (as the movie's runtime is 3 hours 47 minutes).

no. fuck you. i reject your premise. the Fallout game that shipped with no NPCs and expected the story to be entirely conveyed by set-pieces, environmental design, and audiologs?

resurrect Tarkovsky and give us FO76, desolate and beautiful with environmental shots that last seven minutes without a cut. because the only good thing about FO76 is the setting, the amount of effort put into building the actual space, so I want 90 minutes of film and seven pages of script.

Russo Brothers, get tf out of here

[starg1rlie]

𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 ㅤㅤPROLOGUE: The Baby | (MLIST)

⟡ rating. slight romance + angst ( adolescent audience )

⟡ summary. ( the re-written version of "better late than never" is finally here! i know some people have asked about it, since i've deleted it but it's BACK NOW!! ) not all fairy tales end in a happily-ever-after. take (Y/N) and ajax for example; they had the love story of a lifetime and yet it's now all water under the bridge. ten years after the two of them split up, it was suggested that (Y/N) spend a summer vacation over in snezhnaya to give their son and the father some time to bond together and enjoy a relaxing break. however, that's easier said than done.

notes. you have no idea how long this post has been sitting in my drafts, oml. hey, yep, this is leo here, formerly known online as tarluscious (or, leo, as my moots know me), here to talk a bit about the remake of this delightful series. ever since i started publishing more and more chapters of this series back when it was still a "fly by the seat of my pants" project, i wasn't happy with the final results. i mean, hell, who's ever happy with the first attempt? and i've been meaning to re-write this series for so long, but i never found the time to. when i took my hiatus a couple of months ago, i was a little sad that i wouldn't get the chance to write BLTN over again. however, my friend, who now runs this blog (hyokkun) with me, suggested that they might re-write it, and we came to a happy conclusion that the both of us should work on this project together. so here we are, with the prologue. yayy. just wanted to say that what this means is, hyokkun has added their own inputs into this series, while i, leo, am the main author of it. so, all that being said, i hope you thoroughly enjoy this re-written version. please note that some things may be different from the last time you've read this series, and that's because changes has been made to fit the new plot accordingly. reblogs and likes are appreciated ! | wc. 1,542 words ( 8,566 characters )

⟡ feat. childe / tartaglia x female! reader ( she / her pronouns are used )

ㅤㅤA cry split through the peaceful silence of the hospital. A baby, swaddled in warm, cuddly blankets had begun wailing, even though he was cradled within the arms of his mother. He kept bawling, even as the mother hummed a lullaby, even as she rocked him back and forth in her arms, even as she cupped one side of his delicate face and whispered 'It's going to be okay' over and over again.

ㅤㅤA new wave of sickness passed over (Y/N) as she stared down at her stomach, imagining what it would be like bigger, pondering over the process it takes for a baby to develop within her. It both simultaneously intrigued and terrfied her. She couldn't imagine popping out a baby from her unmentionables, let alone having it stuck in her womb for months. Yet as she began to wonder, a new question came into light: would she give up this baby? Could she?

ㅤㅤPeople say that you don't really have a choice when you're young; no one's capable of raising a child when they're barely just a young adult, and yet, she could name a few people she knew right off the bat who were doing just fine with parenting. But the real question was if she was ready for this. Be it ready to give it up or ready to endure the consequences, it didn't matter. She just had to know for sure if she was ready.

ㅤㅤShe still remembered the conversation that had went down only a few weeks ago. She refers to it as a 'discussion', but really, it was a full-out argument....A migraine had formed underneath her temple and had buried its heels in deep, causing a resonating pounding to echo within her head, messing with her already tangled up thoughts. And yet, that day's memories remained untouched. If anything, it was tugged free of the mess and pulled into the light.

ㅤㅤ"What the fuck? What the fuck?"

ㅤㅤ"Saying 'what the fuck' over and over again isn't going to make the situation anymore better than it already is, Ajax," (Y/N) interrupted, breathing out a slightly exasperated sigh. She'd been scared out of mind about telling her boyfriend about the news and this was exactly why: he'd take it badly. He always took life-changing news badly, unless it involved travelling, free food, or money. She'd grown used to his childish behaviour ever since the two started going out, but right now was not the time to act like a child.

ㅤㅤ"Then what will make this better? Huh? Please elaborate on that for me," Ajax replied sarcastically, throwing his hands up in the air. He'd been pacing for the past five minutes since (Y/N) had spilled the beans about her pregnancy. Anymore pacing and he'd pace a trench right through their apartment floor. "Because I really don't understand how anything can make this better."

ㅤㅤ"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that you're going to be a father? Haven't you been going on and on about wanting to have a son one day?" (Y/N) retorted, patience fizzling.

ㅤㅤ"When I'm thirty, not twenty-four!"

ㅤㅤ"What's a few years early? If anything, you'd get your dream quicker," she mumbled under her breath, absentmindedly flipping through the channels on the cable.

ㅤㅤAjax leapt forward and snatched the remote out of her hands, slamming it roughly onto the glossy surface of their coffee table, one that he'd insisted he put together himself, even though the table had come from IKEA, and he knew nothing on how to read instructions in Swedish. That little memory caused a tiny pang to go through her heart, enough to make it ache just a little bit. Please, she prayed, please let us get through this together.

ㅤㅤ"You're not listening! Do you honestly think that I'm ready for this? That you're ready for this? We're still in college for God's sake, do you expect us to be whizzes at parenthood?"

ㅤㅤ(Y/N) barely managed to withhold a snort at his sarcasm, but politely shook her head. She knew deep down inside that she wasn't ready to be a mother, let alone have a child at such a young age. What would her friends think? What would her parents think?

ㅤㅤ"What, then, I 'spose you expect us to waltz right in and get comfortable in our positions as parents, right? We'll be fine, so long as we manage to balance a baby into our already hectic and crazy lives, right? Just plop it right in between work and college and paying bills, hm?"

ㅤㅤ"Right," she repeated.

ㅤㅤAjax paused his pacing for a moment. "Do you understand the concept of sarcasm?" he asked incredulously.

ㅤㅤ(Y/N) went silent, seemingly contemplating whether she'd been too hasty to cast in her answer earlier.

ㅤㅤ"Whatever. It doesn't matter." His jaw tensed and for a moment, he looked as though he might punch something. Not (Y/N), heavens no, but something. Possibly the fridge (poor thing; it never did anything to deserve this sort of abuse). "What matters is that you're pregnant and we're still in college. We're students, we can barely make it past out deadlines, let alone manage a child." He sounded almost tired, and for the first time in a while, she just now noticed the bags under his eyes, and the tired croak to his voice, taking the place of the usual charming lilt he normally had. How many times had she come home from her part-time job at the laundromat to see him passed out on the exact same coffee table they were currently in front of, drooling all over his calculus homework? How many times had she come back from her lectures to find a pristine sink and an empty fridge? Ajax was incredibly vain and conscious about his self-image, that he took great lengths to make himself look presentable each day. But ever since his senior year in college started, his schedue started going downhill and he never had the time to do any of the things he normally did to take care of his body. He hadn't eaten proper food for days, and has been liviing off of coffee (and her fancy vanilla oatmilk creamer) and Doritos for God knows how long.

ㅤㅤ"What are we going to do?" (Y/N) asked finally, voice timid and quiet, as if anything louder might break the fragility of this scene.

ㅤㅤWhen Ajax looked up, she had expected his face to be sad, almost regretful for saying such things about the situation, but instead she found his gaze hard and penetrating, almost menacing. "We can't look after a baby right now, (Y/N), you know that."

ㅤㅤAnd the truth was, she did know it. She just chose not to believe it. But the way he worded it, the way he said it, seemed to hint at something. Something that made waves of nausea roll through the pits of her stomach.

ㅤㅤ"You're not suggesting...."

ㅤㅤ"An abortion," Ajax finished quietly, gaze trained on a coffee stain on the carpet.

ㅤㅤ"Ajax, no. No. We can't give the baby up before we've even tried. That's just cruel. This is your child, possibly the son you said you wanted, and you're just going to throw him away? Let him die before he gets a chance to play on a soccer team, like you did? Before he even gets a chance to see the two people who made him?" Your voice broke at those last few words and before you knew it, tears were streaming down your face in thick, wet trails. "You might be giving up on him, but I'm never letting go."

ㅤㅤAjax inhaled sharply, air hissing through clenched teeth as he breathed out. "We aren't ready for this, (Y/N)."

ㅤㅤ She knew he was right. She knew it in her heart and in her brain. But some part of her wanted to keep this unborn baby that was developing within her stomach right now. Some part of her wanted to know the happiness of being a parent, a mother.

ㅤㅤShe didn't want to follow through with this. She didn't want to let the baby die. And yet...

ㅤㅤ"Miss (L/N)? You can come in now. Dr. Li's ready for you," a voice called, interrupting (Y/N)'s train of thought. She looked up, one hand resting on her tummy, the other clenched around a cell phone. The screen was still on, a barrage of messages (most likely from her family and friends) lighting up the screen with soft 'pings'.

ㅤㅤShe breathed in deeply, exhaling slowly, a breathing trick she'd learned from online to calm her nerves down.

ㅤㅤFinally, she spoke.

ㅤㅤ"Ah, sorry. I'm afraid I've changed my mind. If it's alright with you, I'll be canceling my appointment."

ㅤㅤThe nurse hesitated for a moment before nodding along. She obviously was not paid enough to barge into patients' lives, so she (wisely) kept her nose in her own business. "Of course, miss. I'll let him know you'll be leaving. Have a lovely rest of your day."

ㅤㅤ(Y/N) nodded along before waddling out of the waiting room, feeling giddy and deliriously light from the weight that had just been lifted from her shoulders. Ajax would be upset over this, yes, but it would be worth it. She could feel it in her bones.

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