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winterarmyy · 2 years ago

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Behind The Facades | Part II

An unrequited pining over a certain super solider.

Navigation: Part I || Part II || Part III (end)

Words: 3.3k++

Pairings: avenger!bucky x female!reader

Warnings: angst. pent up anger. unspoken jealousy. conflicted feelings.

P/S: i heard you. i got you. since lots of you enjoyed the supposedly oneshot, so i decided to do a continuation for this couple. Hope you enjoy~

Read my other works here: Masterlist

Weeks gone by, months flown through and the team was already accustomed Bucky's girlfriend wandering around the tower. Though they thought she would move-in eventually, knowing that Tony allowed them to do so, but she hadn't done it yet.

While Y/N, on the other hand, felt like she was constantly walking on thin ice. Being tug in between holding herself together and breaking down.

What's worst about this was, deep down, Y/N wanted to hate her.

Gail Richards.

Bucky's girl.

A gorgeous red-head, sultry champagne-colored eyes, a deep dimple on her right cheek, sculptured body of goddess and heart of gold.

Y/N got to admit that she hated how perfect Gail was for Bucky. She had such a kind soul; it's impossible not to fall for her. In hindsight, she was exactly what Bucky needed in his life.

What he deserve.

And in the end, Gail managed to steal not just Bucky's heart, but also the entire team's.

Including Y/N herself.

The friendship between Gail and Y/N was true and genuine; even if it hurts her everytime when she was forced to see Gail canoodling with the man she had fallen madly in love with.

"So where's the date? Did he tell you or is it a surprise kind of thing?" Gail's questions snapped Y/N from her deep internal thoughts.

Her gaze fell into her own reflection in the mirror; she was fitted with a simple black satin dress, with a quite scandalous slit on one side on her thigh. Standing behind her, was Gail, helping her out with the pearl necklace she was graciously lending it to Y/N.

"I don't remember the name but it's that new michelin star restaurant." Y/N replied as she straighten her dress, suddenly feeling conscious of how tight the dress was hugging her body.

"Oh! I know that fancy new restaurant. It opened last week, right? Bucky and I haven't had the chance to go yet. I heard it's pretty hard to get reservation. I must say, I'm impressed."

While Gail seemed to approve of Y/N's date, she didn't notice the way Y/N's body froze as she mentioned Bucky's name.

Her fingers were itching to dug it's nails somewhere, anywhere; as she try to keep her composure as neutral as possible, "Yeah, I'll definitely give you my review before you guys go on a date there. Who knows if its not up to the standards, right?"

Oh, how desperate she was on wanting to hide her pain away.

"That's great, y/n! But, I'd rather you actually enjoy the date rather than secretly being an undercover food critique. Forget about everything and have fun for once! Who knows this one is a keeper, huh?" Gail rubbed her hands to side of Y/N's arms; her eyes brighten as she encouraged her.

Ignorance is truly a bliss; though it's not that she knows that Y/N had been in love with Bucky this whole time.

On the other hand, Bucky was starting to feel the effects of what Gail had warned him before. He doesn't want to feel like she doesn't love him because she does.

At least she tries to.

Persuing Gail was not necessarily easy; not because he was lacking or she played hard to get. But because of how honest she was; how self aware she was.

"Being with me is a hell of a challenge, Bucky. My emotions are unpredictable. Today, I will love you ever so truly; I will drown you with all the kisses and cuddles you could ever imagine but the next day you might not being able to talk to me or even see me."

"I'll go M.I.A and isolate myself from the world at any time, with no warning. I shut down without any reason."

"I might not be there for you when you needed me the most. I might abandon you when all you wanted for me to stay."

"Worst part about it is I won't feel sorry for what I did because I can barely feel anything during those time."

But he insisted to try.

Maybe it was the sudden surge of passion when he met her but he was determined that they could make it work.

So, try they did.

As his relationship with Gail progresses, his and y/n's started to astray. He noticed y/n has been keeping her distance with him since he got together with Gail.

She had been cooped up in her room more often. There was a gradual changes in their schedule. Lesser trips to the corndog stall that y/n was obsessed with, canceled trips on visiting Alpine, the cute little kitten they have been eyeing at the adoption center, and almost none of the late night coffee trips.

He missed her.

From her annoying laugh to her odd habit of scratching things in her sleep.

Her smile, her voice, her presence.

He missed all of it.

He missed her.

Which was why Bucky thought it was better to talk it out with her. Maybe there was some sort of misunderstanding that needed to be clear out.

It took just single knock before Bucky intrude himself into Y/N's room, "Hey, y/n I don't want to disturb you but can we..." Bucky's sentence did not managed to end with a period, thus his words was instead left hanging just like his mouth.

"Oh, wow."

For a moment there, Bucky literally forgot how to breath. It was as if the reality around him was deteriorating, leaving just the perfect view of Y/N. For a split second, his gaze seemed to dilated into a trance, slowly getting bewitched by the beauty before him.

Bucky was so captivated by how, almost sinfully, beautiful Y/N looked in that dress, he didn't notice his own girlfriend was standing right next to her.

Gail carefully slide her way towards Bucky as she prompted, "So... what do you think, Buck? Gorgeous isn't she?" A dreamy sigh escaped from Gail's lips as she admire the woman in front of her.

"Yes. Yes, she is."

Those were the words Bucky wanted to say but his mouth wasn't listening to his heart, rather it followed his head, "I didn't know you were coming over, honey." Bucky arms reached towards Gail as he scooped her close to him, placing a soft kiss on her cheek.

It was subtle but if they paid enough attention, they could see how Y/N's gaze quickly shifted downwards to her feet. Her teeth sunk between the insides of her left cheek as an effort to distract herself from the thunderstorm within her chest. A little bit more force on her teeth would've tore her up and left her bleeding from the inside.

How much longer she must be in this torment? How much suffering her heart needs to endure until it adapt to the pain? She's tired of the ache in her chest but at the same time she can't help it when her heart yearn for a love that's never going to be hers.

"Well? Is she not goddamn beautiful?" Gail playfully slapped Bucky's arm, demanding her question to be answered.

"I mean..." Bucky stuttered to find words. Especially when those round doe eyes of Y/N's spark with anticipation.

All those milliseconds of time Bucky had to think of an appropriate, truthful answer but somehow he only come up with, "...i guess, you could do better."

Idiot.

Straight up dumb.

Bucky immediately regret his words when the gleam in Y/N's eyes suddenly faded; turning into something cold and stoic.

Gail huffed in denial, before taking Y/N's side, "Then you sir, need to check your eyes because she's absolutely stunning". Y/N gave a small smile as Gail pulled her for a side hug.

"Why are you dressed up anyway?" Bucky wanted change the topic before he said something stupid again.

There was a noticeable pause on Y/N's side as he asked, as if she was unwilling to tell him. However, the reluctantcy only arouses his curiosity.

Y/N turned around and faced the mirror. As she fixed the necklace near her collarbone, she made an eye contact with Bucky through his reflection and answered, "I have a date."

Something shifted in the air; as if it was getting heavier, sturdier.

"Who's the guy?" Bucky was clearly not amused with the idea. It barely filtered through his stern tone.

"Daniel. One of the SHIELD agent I worked with before." Y/N noticed how his expression morphed into a frown.

"Why is he making that face? "

Bucky seethed, "That douchebag? Really y/n?" There's a hint of disappointment in his voice; like how a father would scold his daughter of doing something stupid.

And that ticked her off.

She's a grown-ass woman; she can do whatever she wants, date whoever she wants. None of it was Bucky's concern.

"What do you mean?" Annoyance flowed through her tone.

Bucky rolled his eyes as he recognized that name.

Daniel.

That scumbag whose always staring at her. And not in a cute, crush-like way. There's nothing innocent about the way he stare at Y/N's ass and boobs, or always finding excuses to touch her.

However, Y/N has been oblivious to it since Bucky had always been with her.

Since when did that douche got close to Y/N? How did he managed to get Y/N agree to go to a fucking date with him? More importantly, how did Bucky not know all of this?

There was this uncontrollable, unexplainable rage within Bucky that he was unable to contain; like a venomous poison it seeped through his head, "Are you that needy to even consider going out with such scum? Come on, y/n. You're being naive, it's ridiculous." Bucky scoffed as his tone laced with scorn and mockery.

Gail gasped in complete shock, "What is wrong with you, Bucky? That's not--"

"That's not fair. How can you have the luxury to fall in love and lived happily ever after while I have to continue to break and break, again and again?"

"Ridiculous? Am I a fucking joke to you, Bucky?!" Y/N could hold back her own anger as she turned towards him. His face remained the way that it is; red and furious and he was not willing to put his ego down either.

"You know what?" Y/N swerved towards the bed, "I am going to go this date with Daniel, whether you like or not..." She took her purse on the edge of the mattress, "...and I am going to enjoy every second of it!"

"Thanks, Gail. I really appreciate your help today." Y/N smiled as she briefly took Gail's hands into hers. Blinking in confusion, Gail replied, "Y-yeah.. sure--" though her speech was cut short when Y/N interrupted.

"And you!" Y/N shot a glare towards Bucky before marching towards him, "You can go fuck yourself." She clashed her shoulders into Bucky's before walking out her own room.

Bucky gritted his teeth; his jaw clenched in pure vexation as his frown grew deeper.

Looking at her very angry looking boyfriend, Gail let out a tired sigh, "Why would you say such thing to her, Bucky?

Why did he say those things?

He could explain it much better way, knowing that he had plausible reason to why he thinks she should not go to this date.

But, why did he not do that?

Why did he lash out and spat those hurtful things to her?

Even Bucky himself was not sure why.

After that Bucky spent the rest of the night at the gym, and this was the third punching bag that he had completely destroyed. He could see his girlfriend coming in from the corner of his eyes, with an emergency kit in her hand.

She sat at a nearby bench before, "Bucky sweetheart, come here." Gail softly asked him sit with her.

Despite the grunts and gruffs that slipped from his lips, he still obeyed her; though partially was because she had been sternly staring at him.

Gail gently remove his boxing glove of his right hand, then lo and behold his knuckles was crushed and bloodied.

"The wrappings is there for a reason, you know?" She knew he would this; especially when he is guided by rage. Bucky remained silent, knowing that if he did not control his anger first; then he would probably do the same thing he did to Y/N again.

There was a comfortable silence as Gail was tending his wounds. Bucky looked down at her, focusing on cleaning the wounds. She was always careful and tender while handling Bucky; as if she was taking care of a child.

"You love her, don't you?" Gail calmly asked as she started to wrap Bucky's hand.

The question caught him by surprise, "What do you mean?"

She chuckled softly, "y/n. You love her. Am I right?" she reclarify.

It didn't need a genius to figure out how Bucky truly feels about Y/N. Even if he himself if not aware of his own feelings.

But she can see right through him.

She noticed how attentive was Bucky towards y/n. How he looked at her; like she's his whole world. How every single thing he does somehow relates back to Y/N; and he cannot go by a day without mentioning her name in their any conversation. How peaceful looked when y/n is anywhere near him.

She noticed every single one of those detail.

"Of couse, I do. It's y/n we're talking about here." Bucky replied as-matter-of-factly. Though there was some truth in his answer but it was not all.

Gail shook her head lightly as she holds Bucky's wounded hand in hers, "No, Bucky. You love her." Her brows crunched into a pleading curve as her gaze turned gentle.

Bucky frowned in confusion; he looked down at his hand where her thumb caressing his knuckles and he thought back all the moments he spent with y/n.

From the very first day he met her, on those nights she stayed with him, through thick and thin, her eyes on his, her smile on his cheek, her laugh in his arms, her voice in his ears, her skin on left arm, everything flashed through him so fast until a single moment when he realizes.

"I love her."

Gail recognized the glint his eyes, "And she loves you too, Buck." She coaxed.

The frown on his face turned into a shock as she spoke. Even if Y/N does love him, what does that mean?

"What are you saying?"

"Go." Her voice were somehow calmer than she was supposed to speak in such a dire situation.

Bucky knew what she meant; he knew what those eyes were telling him, "Gail, you--"

She cut him before he could say anything, "We did agree to see where will this take us..." her smiled was somehow bitter-sweet, "And I guess this is our end of the line."

A hit of pain struck Bucky's heart, "You don't have to do this." His left hand raised to tenderly cupped her cheeks; it was warm. Unlike his winter cold hand, she was warm. Like the soft heat from the morning sun.

She placed her hand on top of his as she craved a reassuring smile, "I want to."

And that broke Bucky's heart. And it broke for her.

He loved Gail.

All the feelings he felt for her was real. As real as the feelings he felt for Y/N. The only difference was he didn't realized he was in love with Y/N, but he did with Gail.

"And to be honest, I'm not sure I can keep up with the emotional commitments, I'm always M.I.A and lost in my own head..."

As Gail starts to ramble, Bucky wasn't hearing any of it. His eyes stings and his vision blurred.

There was only so much any man can handle.

There was joy in realizing his was in love with Y/N but there was also agony in knowing he had to break Gail's heart. Unable to hold back his emotions anymore, his tears finally broke out.

She was prepared not to cry today but seeing Bucky like this; who wouldn't tear up, right?

"Hey hey hey, I'll be okay. We'll be okay." She placed her palm on Bucky's cheeks, wiping away the tears with her thumb as she lead his gaze to her own.

"Bucky, listen to me. I don't want you feeling like you're alone." she cooed, her eyes had gotten glassy as tears filled within them. "You deserve so much more than what I can offer you, do you understand?" Bucky can simply nod as he feels like his voice will betray him.

"Good." Gail closed her eyes and leaned into a kiss. A soft innocent kiss on his forehead, as their tears fall on each other's bare skin, "Now, go get your girl."

<< Part I || Part III >>

Read my other works here: Masterlist

A/N: Feel free to leave some feedback behind! And what do you think of Gail? I thought it'd be nice to have a different characteristics for her instead of the cliche 'bitchy and rude' girlfriend.

There's no actual taglist. So, I only include those who reblogged with comments and/or commented on the previous part. However, do tell if you want or do not want to be tagged.

Taglist: @ghostofwinter @angstysebfan @erinallene @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @paarthurnax59 @nomajdetective @kentokaze @dexter99 @nana1000night @prettyinpink350

#winterarmyyfics #behind the facades au #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #avenger!bucky #bucky angst

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darkcircles4lyfe · 1 year ago

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This doesn't have anything to do with anything, but i had a talk with a friend a few days ago, about shonen biasis and the way this shapes our expectations, and mha came up so i remembered how so many people apply those biasis HEAVILY into the manga, to the point that they sound like they're looking for a different story.

And one of those things that it seemed to be MOST talked about is exactly bkdk's relationship.

I have seen many times people from the fandom (sometimes really angrily) point out how in most cases Katsuki seems to basically take up not one, but four roles in Izuku's life and this includes putting him in situations that people associate with the MC's love interest, and it is weird that, despite Izuku "having a girl" for people to make assumptions about, he seems to completely repulse any female character that could be the counter part to Izuku's.

And this made us wonder if Katsuki's placement in those roles and lack of interest was made specifically because the author precisely did not want the actions that both do for each other as romantic but a whole another thing entirely, as a subversion for the these classic tropes, as he did by making the conflict between Ochako and Himiko not a "rivals fighting for the affection of a boy" but something that is connected to the plot of these characters instead.

Oh you bet! I am always down to talk about this, because I think about it a lotttt.

This reminds me, recently I remembered a funny habit I used to have with books I read. Like, back in middle school. I used to start by flipping directly to the last page and reading the final sentence. Usually this did not spoil anything whatsoever, but sure enough, by the time I read through the whole book, that sentence would take on new meaning.

So I started musing about what it would be like if only I could do this with bnha, if everything was already out. It made me feel so nostalgic…

Will the last panel be something grand, or something small? Hopeful or sad? Distant? Intimate? A parting message to the reader? Will it look like almost nothing of consequence to the unknowing eye—yet burst with hard-hitting subtext?

Of course I wonder about all the twists and reveals that might be still ahead of us, but it’s kinda soothing to think about how the whole thing could be put to rest. Because then I realize I’m not worried.

For once, this is not because the story is following so many tropes so predictably that I know exactly, in so many words, how it will end. It’s more like the story is a close friend who I’ve gotten to know well enough that everything they do is so “them” it makes me smirk. I'm often marveling at how Horikoshi has managed to pull all this off. How is it that (at least here in the west) people who aren't really paying attention call it basic and cookie-cutter. Even a Japanese animator called it "classic," and this interview shows such obvious dissonance between Hori and the interviewer, just... wow. But it's so clear that bnha has broken just about every rule in the book at this point, so much so that I struggle to condense it into words. I'm like--*gestures broadly at everything*--why haven't more people picked up on it??

Yet we still get bombarded with people saying "it's a shonen, c'mon, we all know how this will end." Um. No you don't. I KNOW there has to be a bunch of people who are secretly frustrated by Kacchan taking up all the roles and getting all the moments. It's not even in a mysogynistic way, because Kacchan is the most anti-dudebro character imaginable. Bkdk's relationship isn't intended for them and they know it... and you know what, I'm starting to ramble. You've heard all this before. The thing I should really be focusing on in your ask is the part where you mentioned how you and your friend were speculating about bkdk ending up as "a whole other thing entirely" rather than simply romantic.

Well, fuck it, I've been biting my tongue, but now might as well be the time I talk about this. I got into a bit of a disagreement with someone over it once and then I shut up. Because it's very difficult to approach the subject without being lumped in with those people who see bkdk as "brotherly" (ew) or otherwise try to push some "crisis of male friendship" agenda, or at the very least without being accused of enabling people to make excuses against bkdk being canon ad infinitum. So let me be clear that I do NOT want bkdk to have an ambiguous or open ending. I want their complexity and importance to be acknowledged. I want them to use their words. I think we may have created a bit of a false dichotomy there.

I am aromantic, and to suggest romantic relationships are inherently the most important and intimate goes against every fiber of my being. I also reject the idea that cut-and-dry gay representation is more desirable just because it is more easily understood by the masses than aspec representation or representation of relationships "beyond" both romantic and platonic. We recognize how ridiculous it is for people to expect Izu*cha at this point, right? Well, the reason they're so confident anyway isn't just because of heteronormativity. It's also because of amatonormativity, the assumption that romantic attraction trumps all: no matter how much focus bkdk get, Izuku blushed at Ochako, so that automatically makes them more "important." THAT is the notion that I want to challenge most. More than anything, I want bkdk's relationship to be fully acknowledged because they have so much more going for them than just attraction.

You and your friend make an excellent point, that it would be very much in line with Horikoshi's taste and the patterns of his writing so far if he chose to subvert the shonen romance trope not just by giving it to two boys, but also by disregarding its premise entirely. It's unlikely he'd try to stuff them into such a copy-paste ending right at the end.

So maybe they won't get the blushy confession, the obligatory kiss, the wedding, the 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. That's fine, we shouldn't pretend those tired tropes are suddenly revolutionary just because they're gay. But don't be disappointed! Without them, we have more room for things that are actually personally meaningful to bkdk to stand out and receive the nuance they deserve: talking through their feelings openly, building each other up like no one else can, understanding each other like no one else can, smiling at each other, embracing, holding hands, rushing to the other in the hospital, being glued at the hip (or even closer), healing mutual trauma, putting each other first in all things. Maybe we'll also get confirmation on Ochako's side as she moves on from her crush on Izuku. You know what other shonen manga took this exact angle as a way of subverting tropes and presenting genuine complexity? Blue Flag! There are so many ways to do bkdk justice.

Even a kiss isn't out of the question, if the right opportunity comes along. A perfect example of what I'm talking about is Good Omens (major season 2 spoilers) because the kiss between Crowley and Aziraphale was not at all about canonizing them. It was an expression of pain and desperation that just made sense at that particular moment. Neil Gaiman was adamant that if it took that kiss to understand the context of their relationship, you really weren't paying attention. I respect the hell out of that.

Recently I was even daydreaming about bkdk getting something similar to the sort of uh, shall we say tasteful nudity, that togachako got, because of how Izuku appears in the vestige realm.

Ya know like not in an nsfw way but in like a "this is so deeply intimate and soft that I feel like I'm intruding" kind of way... yeah. Because it represents vulnerability and openness and acceptance of someone as they are. And I don't care if people call that bait. It's not. It's beautiful. It’s honest.

#asks #anon #lin answers #bnha manga #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bakudaku #bkdk #dekubaku #dkbk #aspec #queerplatonic

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send-me-a-puffalope · 5 months ago

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Nat rambling about the entire plot of Pretty Perfect Lives for way too long because autism hyperfixation doesn’t stop for no one.

I came for Elizabeth Lail, left debating with my friend about what the fuck I just watched /pos. I was so deeply invested so here’s me just explaining the plot of the entire show:

It starts off with Tiffany and Tucker (imagine Tiffany and Tucker as Barbie and Ken cause that’s pretty much who they are, but as TikTok influencers instead of in Barbieland) recording videos for “the app” and then they’re like back alone in their home and they’re having relationship issues and Tiffany wants to talk about their relationship cause she feels like they’re growing distant BUT she’s recording them secretly so she can post it onto their account for content (which is supposed to be tiktok but they just call it The App probably because they’re not allowed to say TikTok LMFAOO)

And turns out the conversation they end up having is that Tucker thinks he might be into men too but doesn’t want to break up with Tiffany but then Tucker realized that she’s filming all of their emotional talk to show to their audience that they’re “authentic” and rightfully gets mad because Tiffany is using his internal conflicts as content online.

They then post a video about how they’re going to explore an open relationship but open only on Tucker’s side — she was still fully committed to just Tucker. And then they invite this guy Jesse over for a threesome and it was really awkward and Jesse is like oh the way I like to do things is watching the couple do it and i’ll join in when the time is right. and then Tiffany was just like. ohh yeah no i’m not here to participate. i’m just here to watch. and then it was like Jesse and Tucker undressing and Jesse choking him out with a belt while Tiffany was just like fujoing out from her cuck seat

and then Tiffany posted a video about how their “threesome” was and Tucker was like wtf babe you didn’t ask me about this before posting. this doesn’t feel like you respect my boundaries and Tiffany refuses to delete the video because it’s gotten them a lot of attention. and then they argue and then they break up and Tiffany has a panic attack while screaming for Tucker to not leave her alone (Elizabeth Lail’s performance is so so so so good here, her wailing was so heartbreaking) and then the scene changes.

Lights come up and it’s Tucker coming home and being like hey babeeeeeeee and ITS JESSE INSTEAD OF TIFFANY NOW. But it’s like the exact same situation — Jesse keeps wanting him to record videos with him for “the app” and wanting Tucker to quit his job so that they can do like sex work online instead. but Tucker is like woah um. maybe not. what if i want a job in the future. and then he’s like hey babe why don’t we spend some time together instead, off the internet and Jesse has like stopped paying attention and is just like scrolling through “the app”.

Tucker is like trying to sleep but can’t fall asleep and keeps checking his phone and watching videos that Tiffany posted and he’s like shit,,,, i regret breaking up with Tiffany. and he calls Tiffany like hey i wanna get some closure, why don’t you come over. and then Tiffany does in the next scene in the fuckinf hottest full black outfit. black tube or tank top, black jean jacket, black pants and sunglasses and she’s like yeah. i’ve been doing. fine.

and then they have like cuts in of like Tiffany making DAY 68 OF HAVING YOUR BOYFRIEND LEAVE YOU FOR THE GUY WE INVITED OVER FOR A THREESOME videos. the day 195 one was her crying and saying that she was apart of the “women whose boyfriends left them for a man” community but that thanks to neutragena, the redness isn’t as prominent on her face (link in the description /j)

and then Tucker was like i regret breaking up with you so bad i wish we can just go back to the way we were. and then Tiffany was like no, we can’t. we can’t just pretend none of this ever happened. and then storms off

AND THEN THE NEXT SCENE, Tiffany comes home like disheveled and Jesse (now they’re dating) is like babe are you okay?? you can’t just go missing for 2 whole days and say that you don’t wanna talk about it. and Tiffany has a bit of a breakdown and she’s like i miss when we were keeping our relationship hidden, but now everyone on the internet knows and everyone on the internet hates me and i cant take it anymore. We can’t talk this out, we have to break up because i can’t handle this relationship.

This ends with Tiffany screaming I JUST NEED TO BE ALONE and a glitch happens and the whole stage gets like covered in code and the lights start flashing and then the stage goes black.

THEN. Jesse appears on the side of the screen joining as an “interviewee” from the incident that happened in the IRS-P (internet reality simulation project) where a glitch happened in their simulation and that Jesse got out but Tiffany and Tucker was lost in the simulation. FUCKING PLOT TWIST, THIS IS ALL A SIMULATION.

And they were asking him questions and Jesse explained that he was honored at first that the company selected him, a small influencer, for their huge giant new project. He had just wanted to feel the rush of adrenaline of people finding him attractive and in the simulation he found Tiffany and Tucker. in every universe, he was always intertwined with Tiffany and Tucker and at first he enjoyed it but then it felt more and more like they were just using him.

and then he starts dissociating and he starts hearing the interviewer as Tucker and he starts screaming for Tucker and asking him where he is and the interviewer keeps trying to calm him down but he’s like screaming and having a breakdown because apparently he’s experienced this interview multiple times and he can’t escape (so this whole section might still be in the glitched simulation ??? or it’s a trauma reaction. unclear and likely up to audience interpretation) (Nic Ashe was incredible here, his acting was so gutwrenching)

And then eventually when he’s able to calm down, the interviewer is gone and he’s alone again and his light goes dark.

However, simultaneously to this, on the dark stage, Tiffany is in this nude suit and she’s just like. taking the stage apart and putting props all over the floor (I think the nude suits are a metaphor for them being stripped of theirselves or baring themselves to the audience/each other when Tucker comes on)

The lights come back on, Tiffany comes back on in her nude suit and she’s like confused about the home being a mess and then she collects like the 8 phones on the floor and she tries to use two to start a fire and fails. and then Tucker comes in in a nude suit too and he asks her what’s happening and she’s like idk i tried to start a fire but i don’t remember how to. and then tucker is like did you ever know how to start a fire ?? and then he tries — using two phones and successfully starts a fire.

and then Tiffany feels like super useless and then Tucker starts singing “their song” because the mood kinda stinks and then Tiffany is like ???? what the fuck dude. not the time. but then she ends up singing too (and good lord Elizabeth Lail can sing i’m gonna kill myself she’s so hot i’m gonna lose it i’m gonna lose it i’m gonna lose it i’m gonna lose jr she’s like really good at singing jrs reallt i’m actually gonna lose it holy shit.) and they have this whole moment in their nude suits where they like twirled around and sang their song.

and then they kinda go back to being emo and stuff and Tiffany is like i think the simulation glitched. do you think we’re gonna be stuck here forever? Tiffany is like the sky and the ocean have no horizon, that’s not normal. and Tucker is like huh. you’re right. and then Tiffany says she’s cold and and tucker tries to use the objects scattered across the floor to build them a fort (the tripods and a towel) and he asks tiffany if there’s anything else long to use to build the fort and she was like uhhhh there’s a ring light (i think them having the social media equipment instead of real items is a metaphor for them replacing everything truly authentic in their lives with their fake personalities online).

and then the conversation goes sour and Tucker is like i’m trying so hard because i’m worried that if i don’t try then none of us are going to be trying in this relationship. and this part was like really funny (not intentionally) because Tucker is just in this nude suit and he stands angrily away from Tiffany but because of the nude suit, he’s just double cheeked up in the corner. and here they actually genuinely have a true heart to heart talk now that it’s silent and not cluttered by their online lives. Tiffany reveals that she signed them up for the IRS-P because she wanted to see who else was out there that she might connect with better than Tucker because it’s always been him but she didn’t want to lose everything she had with him. She wasn’t content with their relationship but wasn’t ready to let go of them.

Tiffany’s character is so interesting because while she is very clearly in the wrong in the beginning of the show, she’s given more depth as a character— she’s putting on a front for most of the show but when she breaks down from everything going wrong, she admits that she doesn’t even like the sound of her own voice and that she’s made so much of her life about her online presence that she doesn’t even remember who she used to be and how to stop. She has a panic attack when her life starts kinda falling apart when Tucker leaves her but she’s also kinda selfish in that she stops seeing Tucker as his own person and just as an object to gain attention for their “perfect life”. She often shifts the blame onto Tucker when they’re arguing but when they’re in the glitched simulation (the nude suits)— she admits that she does that because she thinks she’s the problem but doesn’t know how to fix herself.

GOD I LOVE,,, ELIZABETH LAIL CHARACTERS. who needs drugs when you’ve got autism hyperfixation

Okay, and then tiffany is like fuck it. and then they both take off their nude suits (Halle-fucking-lujah by the fucking way. I felt like I was committing a crime seeing Elizabeth Lail that undressed) and jump into the “ocean” and they’re like having fun and the world glitches again and goes black.

and then the scene changes again and Jesse comes back onto stage in a suit and sits down and Tucker comes in and tries to makes a conversation and Jesse is like no i think i’m gonna go (i think this is a metaphor for jesse rejecting the simulation and chooses to not staying intertwined with Tiffany and Tucker, by proxy escaping the simulation) and Tiffany comes on in this cute blue dress and she and Tucker start flirting again.

their hair is both wet and they say that neither of them remember how they got there. and then THEIR SONG STARTS PLAYING AND THEY START DANCING WITH EACH OTHER TO THE SONG. and then it fades to black and credits

I think this is implying that Tiffany and Tucker never escape the simulation???? cause they’re very much still in the simulation in the last scene while Jesse chooses to leave.

No one is gonna be reading this whole thing but holy shit I really enjoyed that. I enjoyed the plot way more than I thought I would. More importantly, Elizabeth Lail was drop dead gorgeous 🙏 and I almost died on the spot.

^^ don’t ask me what the America TikTok was about, I can’t explain it to ya JFJWJDJ actually I think it was her acting as a conservative saying that gay men are trying to steal your man from you 💀💀💀 but it’s like meant to be satire dw

#Pretty Perfect Lives #Elizabeth Lail #Nic Ashe #Zane Phillips #nat’s rambles

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yukidragon · 3 months ago

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Sunny Day Jack - Cat AU Reversal

Remember the AU where Jack is a cat that can transform into a human with or without cat ears and a tail? Well, a recent comment reminded me of the theory that cats might be able to sense ghosts(?) like Jack. This theory came about because cats can’t stand Jack, and he’s not a fan of them either for some mysterious reason. Somehow, I don’t think it’s because Jack is secretly a werewolf or has wolfish traits like he’s from the Omegaverse.

Another bit of lore to fuel this theory came from the (now sadly deleted) trailer where Shaun describes (presumably) Jack as a thing. Shaun has a fair number of cat-like traits, including whisker marks and purring. He’s very cat-coded, so it’s entirely possible that he won’t be able to stand Jack either.

Wouldn’t it be quite interesting then if there was a reversal of the cat AU? Here, MC is the one who’s secretly a cat that can transform into a human, and as such they can sense that there’s more to Jack than meets the eye.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

Content Warning: This post contains talk of sex, cheating, abusive family situations, chronic illness, bullying, death, mourning, body horror, yandere obsession, and kinky sexy times with cat-like features. I’ll try to keep things for the most part light and fun, but sometimes drama likes to creep into these headcanons.

Also, sometimes they spark me to write a snippet of a scene or two!

Really, I can see a lot of potential for a more tsundere experience with Jack. Since cats naturally don’t get along with him and vice-versa, there’d be even more friction between him and his sunshine right from the start. This will make winning MC over a heck of a lot more challenging for Jack, and as such put him at much greater risk if he can’t convince them to want him in spite of this natural repulsion. It can also be a great internal conflict for him, as he dislikes cats yet loves MC dearly.

This sort of scenario would be perfect to insert myself like an isekai given my feline avatar, but y’all know how much I love the guy. Maybe it’s because my avatar is a dragon in the shape of a feline that I’m immune to this feline repulsion. Perhaps dragons are the opposite and just instantly fall in love with Jack instead. Jack certainly loves his sunshine as a dragon.

But you know me, I’ve got to indulge with my OTP, and this sort of silly AU is perfect to do just that.

I know in the past I’ve said that my girl Alice is more bunny-coded, but imagining her as a fluffy white kitty with bright blue eyes is adorable. I can see the whole King family embodying the feline spirit, plus it’d be hilarious to imagine how Bo and Elias would have to deal with similar feline shenanigans from Barbie and Coraline respectively.

I wonder if Elias has similar issues with cats as a ghost. I’d be tragic if he actually liked them in life, only for them to be repelled in death. Naturally, it’s pretty obvious what Bo’s beef with cats is, as it’s hard coded into his virtual doggy DNA. This doggo is going to have to overcome his programming for the sake of love.

So, yeah, this post is less about general MCs in this situation and more about my OCs since the possibilities of messing with the guys with cats is hilarious to me. It’s going to be mostly a light-hearted romp with some spiciness here and there.

Of course, the lore of the game and Sunshine in Hell aren’t quite the same when it comes to cats. I’ve mentioned in the past how Jack and Moon Pie are going to bond, and Shaun and Jack are going to become friends despite their issues. Given my fondness for cats and Jack, I just can’t resist the image of kitties snuggling up to him.

But I like adding a bit of spice sometimes, and not just the NSFW kind. It’d be so interesting if Alice is instinctively repelled by Jack at the start, maybe even seeing him as an undead corpse, but she still chooses to save and be close to him. It’d be a very real beauty and the beast tale.

Then again, it’s probably more accurate to call it a beast and the beast tale considering Alice turns into an animal.

Anyway, things play out as they usually do, with Alice picking up the tape at the thrift store, finding it oddly compelling. In this universe, her favorite way to unwind after a hard day is to turn on the TV and slip into something more comfortable. And by comfortable I mean ridiculously flexible because dang, who wouldn’t want to be able to turn into a boneless little puddle of fur? Have you seen how relaxed cats can get? I can’t help but be a little jealous.

Of course, a good boneless sprawl across the sofa gets a little less relaxing when the tape starts talking back. Alice would turn from a limp noodle to a rigid arch with bristled fur in an instant after hearing a character on TV call her by name.

As I’ve mentioned previously, Alice willingly bonded herself to Jack in Sunshine in Hell to save him from, well, hell. The process just made her forget about it. I’m really fond of this headcanon because it goes well with themes of consent in the game and the fact that Jack is literally unable to do anything his sunshine doesn’t want him to do. He needs MC to want and need him in order to remain in this world.

It’d be quite a bit harder for Alice to agree to such a deal when her instincts are giving her clear warning signals that something is wrong with Sunny Day Jack. Looks aren’t everything, and appearances can be deceiving, but animal instincts tend to be a pretty good guide.

However… that wouldn’t be the only instinct demanding that Alice take action. Alice is the reincarnation of Mary, the person who loved this ghost(?) long before he became Jack. They’re soulmates, and her dying wish was to be reborn and loved by her precious starlight once again.

So it would be a war of two cats inside of Alice. One cat is hissing at the unholy abomination pawing at her soul. The other is mournfully crying out for him with a longing that she just can’t explain. Reminds me of that two wolves meme come to think of it.

It’d be quite the confusing moment, that’s for sure.

On the subject of Mary, it would be interesting if she was a cat shifter too. Joseph could’ve been one of those guys that pretend that they don’t like cats, but secretly just wants to cuddle with one. Sadly, the poor guy is so love starved that he comes on too strong, and cats always try to get away from him. It’s easier for him to just pretend he doesn’t like cats so their rejection doesn’t sting quite so much.

With Joseph being a normal, very much alive human, there would be no instinct warning Mary away from him. Well… not unless Joseph is just a natural cat-repellant like Sakaki from Azumanga Daioh. Still, even in that case, Mary would be his special exception. Even Sakaki eventually found her feline soulmate too after all~

You know, it would be interesting if Mary was the only one in the Phoenix family who could transform into a cat. It could even be her own little secret that only Joseph finds out about. She could even use her feline form to sneak off to visit him at his house. It’d be only fair considering all the times he comes to climb in through her window.

As a cat, Mary had the same pretty blue eyes, but a chocolate colored coat, which is pretty rare for cats.

That suddenly gives me the image of someone scooping up Mary in cat form, intending to make her into their pet. She can’t exactly change back in front of a stranger, and though she struggles with all her might, she can’t squirm out of their grip.

Suddenly young teenage Joseph barrels into the cat-napper from behind! This little punk was no stranger to picking fights, and the second he saw someone try to take Mary away, he had to act. It doesn’t matter if they’re an adult and much bigger than him, Joseph will still punch their lights out!

Sure, Joseph might get in trouble if the person reported him or if an authority figure saw him in the act, but why should he care? He won’t hesitate to take on the entire world if it means he doesn’t have to be separated from the one person in the whole world who actually cares about him.

I wonder if in this universe they could’ve run away together. Sure, Mary might’ve been forbidden from seeing him like in the regular continuity, but if she can sneak out as a cat, she can still see him. After being told that she won’t live to adulthood by her doctor, she refuses to waste time that could be spent with the people she cares about. In the normal timeline, her parents put bars on her windows then forced her to move away. She didn’t have the option to rebel. She didn’t even consider running away as an option. She could only accept this sad truth.

Joseph Cullman was a kid who thought about running away though. He’s someone so lonely, so desperate for love. He can’t just let go of the only person who loves him! It was hard enough going to separate schools and only being able to see each other when Mary could sneak out, but news about the move would be devastating.

Joseph can’t let that happen.

I can imagine the scene of Mary coming to Joseph to tell him one last goodbye…

…

Joseph jolted when he saw the way Mary’s eyes glistened wetly with tears. More tears fell when she shifted back to her human form. The puffiness around her eyes and the redness around them hinted at just how many more tears she had shed before seeing him. “Mary? What’s wrong?”

“J-Jo…,” Mary choked out, but that was all she could say before she threw herself into his arms. She buried her face into the crook of his neck just in time to muffle a sob.

Joseph held Mary tightly to him, his heart pounding so hard his chest hurt while a pit formed in his stomach. He remembered the last time she cried into his arms like this, after the doctor told her that she wouldn’t live to see adulthood.

“It… it’s okay…,” he eventually managed to squeak out. “What… whatever it is… it’ll be okay.” The words came out brittle, a lie too fragile to offer any form of strength to either of them.

It took some time for Mary to finally force out the awful truth.

“M-my family is m-moving away!”

Joseph froze, the words coming down on him with the force of a judge’s gavel delivering the death sentence. He barely kept up with the details Mary managed to add between shaky breaths and choked sobs. It was something about a job states away, but whatever was going on with those damn parents of hers didn’t matter. They could fuck off to a different country - a different planet for all he cared! They certainly never cared about what Mary wanted.

Those bastards weren’t satisfied with simply forbidding Joseph and Mary from being together. It wasn’t enough to put bars on her windows or threaten to call the police if he even stepped foot on their property. This move was so extreme, so permanent and final. It felt like a middle finger directed at both of them and their love.

Joseph couldn’t imagine a life without Mary. He refused to accept it.

No one would take his sunshine away.

But what could they do? Mary couldn’t hide at his house, it’d be the first place they’d look! There were so few places they could go. The teachers were relentless about catching delinquents, chasing them out of secret stomping grounds and poking their noses where they didn’t belong. The police would be even worse.

Nowhere in this town was safe. The only way they could be together was…

“We’ll run away.”

The thought slipped past his lips as a quiet whisper. It came out so easily, just as natural a solution as adding one plus one to make two. Hearing it aloud sparked something in Joseph, and in an instant he just knew it was the right decision.

“Wh-what?” Mary sniffled, as she looked up at him with wide, wet eyes.

“We’ll run away,” Joseph repeated, his voice strong and sure. His eyes blazed with a fire that couldn’t be extinguished, as he squeezed Mary just a little closer. “We’ll run away to someplace where no one knows us, so no one can tell us what to do, or pick on us, or keep us apart ever again.

Though stunned and aghast by the idea, Mary still listened. She was reluctant to leave her family behind, but Joseph knew that they didn’t deserve her. He had spent so much time seeing how badly they treated her. His family was no better. It was the same with their classmates, the teachers…

What few protests Mary could offer were feeble, easily shattered by Joseph’s resolve, which only grew more galvanized as he dug up all the awful things they had gone through over the years. So many times he wanted to scream to the world the unfairness of it all, and he laid that unfairness bare for both of them to see that this city had no love to offer either of them.

And that included the people who shared their blood.

Mary didn’t want to lose the only person who treated her like she was worthy of existing. She also didn’t want to lose her parents and older brother, the people she had known all of her life. She had to choose between her family or Joseph. She loved both so much. She wanted so badly to be loved by all of them. The thought of losing either of them tore her apart inside. No matter who she chose, her heart would be cleaved in two.

In the end, Mary chose to keep the half of her heart that actually made her feel loved.

…

I know I kind of skimmed over the way Joseph convinced Mary to run away with him, but they are two love-struck teens, immature and emotional. Mary wouldn’t necessarily have thought of running away on her own, but Joseph is passionate enough about keeping his sunshine that I’m sure he’ll win her over. They’re both in a very emotionally vulnerable state at the time after all.

The same general story beats are the same, leading the pair to LambsWork Productions, and an eventual tragedy. Being a cat shifter didn’t really change much there, save for one small detail.

Mary ran away one last time after the incident. It was the hardest thing she ever did. The hospital was certainly in a panic over their missing patient in critical condition. However, cats tend to instinctively want to go someplace secluded in their final hours. There was only one place she wanted to go, one cold and lonely place she heard about from the few visitors she got.

The SunnyTime Crew weren’t allowed to arrange a funeral for Joseph, but they made a memorial for him in secret. Mary was told about it. They promised to take her there when she got better, so she just had to keep fighting.

This was Mary’s final fight, one last struggle to reach the memorial on her own four paws. When she finally reached it, she curled up around the cross, between the still lit candles, and thought about her starlight as darkness crept in to steal her away for good.

Thaaaaaaat went a lot darker than I intended this post to go. My apologies. I just have so many big feelings about this poor tragic pair. Let’s switch back to a more hopeful future, shall we?

Alice might not remember being Mary, but some instincts still linger. She’s protective and loving… and she was broken by a cheating ex who moved on to new and exciting people without her. In that vulnerable state, Jack appeared, needing her help. Her feline instincts might scream at the wrongness of him, but they also tell her that he was someone she didn’t realize she was missing for so, so long.

Though wary, Alice does agree to help Jack. It’s more than a little surprising for him to see a white cat instead of a person when he starts crawling out of the TV. That surprise only compounds when she turns into a human to help pull him out.

Really, it makes Jack wonder even more if he really is still dreaming after all.

Alice waking up without remembering their initial meeting does set things back a bit. She’s repulsed by Jack even as she’s drawn to him. It makes her feel guilty, but her instincts haven’t let her down before. They were what told her that things about her relationship with Ian weren’t right, made her question things to the point that spent a chunk of her savings booking a ticket to see him, hoping that surprising him with an unexpected visit would put her fears to rest.

Alice arrived at the most perfect, most horrible time.

Cats have really good hearing, and Alice could hear what Ian and the affair partner were doing in his apartment even before she could knock on the door. She was in shock and didn’t know what to do, had nowhere to go in this city she had never visited before. She was only snapped out of her shock by the phone call Ian made when he tearfully confessed what he had done.

Ian was shocked that Alice already knew what he had done. He was even more shocked that she was there. He ran out, wearing only a blanket to cover his modesty. He stank of sex and the other woman. He was covered in lipstick and markings and fluids. It was a repugnant experience for Alice to get her senses assaulted even as Ian was crying and begging for her forgiveness. He didn’t know how it happened, but he promised that he never did this before.

Of course… the affair partner was there, listening. This person knew about Alice and was keen to rub it in the face of her “rival” that she was “better.” After all, a lot of the allure of seducing someone in a relationship is the feeling of superiority.

It was a cruel scene, one that just made Ian’s betrayal all the worse for choosing to destroy their relationship for someone so awful, someone who delighted in Alice’s misery.

Ian, who was overwhelmed by the enormity of what he had done and the shame eating him alive, could do little more than cry and apologize. He was too much of a mess to even refute his affair partner’s barbs, not after what he had done.

Ian never really was good at standing up to bullies, especially when he was in distress.

Alice never tried to make it work in this universe after that. Ian had destroyed her trust and crushed her heart, and the affair partner poured salt and lye into the wound. For as many times as she forgave Ian, this was a pain inflicted far deeper than any she could recover from.

Alice didn’t drown herself in alcohol and go to the hospital in this universe. She instead wandered lost in the city with her luggage after she finally couldn’t take it anymore and ran away from Ian’s apartment. It was the most alone she ever felt in her life, in a place she didn’t know, with no one to trust who she could turn to. She felt like a housecat that had been thrown out of its home, forced to become a stray on the streets of a big, heartless city.

It was the loneliest Alice had ever felt in her entire life.

It took Alice a while to piece herself back together enough to make the return flight with the help of many phone calls with family and friends. They were there to meet her when she got off the flight at the airport and started crying as she was brought into a group hug.

Of course, in the aftermath, Ian still tried to reach out. He tried to fix things, make it work. Alice could never answer his calls. Hearing him crying and begging broke her further, but the entire incident added a heavy bitterness that kept her from wavering.

Jack arrived while Alice was still healing from such a devastating wound. While she had support immediately after the incident, eventually her family went back to their respective homes, Shaun moved away to further his schooling, and other friends of hers drifted further and further apart, especially after she had to move apartments.

Alice had to adjust to a new city where she knew no one and start her life over. She was alone in a big city, keeping a secret that few could learn about for fear that they wouldn’t understand or might take advantage of it. She was scared and wary of Jack when he suddenly entered her life, but also felt a strange longing. Her heart that wished for those beautiful loving moments with Ian now nudged her towards Jack, and she couldn’t understand why part of her wanted him that way. It made no sense.

Much like a cat, Alice kept her distance from Jack, but not too much. She didn’t want to be alone, so she didn’t want to stray far from him. It was complicated.

Fortunately, despite this feeling of wrongness, Jack constantly proved himself to be gentle and kind. He did so much for Alice, took care of her. He saw her as a cat and was actually enthusiastic about cats. He loves cats in fact! He didn’t think she was strange or scary for being able to transform. Alice found it kind of nice having someone she could trust like this, a secret invisible/imaginary(?) friend that she had all to herself.

Besides her family, the only other people who knew her secret were Ian and Shaun. Alice thought she could trust Ian with anything, but she learned the hard way that she trusted him far too much.

Shaun, as one might expect in this sort of AU, is also a cat shifter. Moon Pie will also be a shifter he adopts. Yes, it means he gets to be a single father, but how could he leave poor baby Moon Pie all alone in the world? Plus we get to see cute moments of Moon Pie in her adorable human form.

Look at that face. Who would be heartless enough to leave her behind? Credit for the gorgeous art, as always goes to the awesome Sauce. Consider supporting them and SnaccPop Studios on patreon!

Cat shifters can sense one another on instinct. That’s how Shaun figured out what Moon Pie was and how he and Alice spotted one another right away when they first met at the college. It made Ian feel uneasy how quickly the two bonded, and he couldn’t help but feel jealous despite being otherwise secure in their relationship. Alice might’ve trusted Ian with her secret, but she wasn’t about to share anyone else’s without permission, so Ian didn’t learn the real reason why they clicked so quickly.

Shaun didn’t like Ian’s vibes so never let Ian in on the secret that he was a shifter like Alice. It also gave him a little bit of petty satisfaction to see Ian jealous. It made bearing his one-sided crush on Alice a little easier. Of course he would never do more than lightly poke Ian to make himself feel better. He would never try to break up a happy couple, and he wasn’t a scumbag who cheats on his partner or helps other people cheat on their partners.

Of course, Shaun soon learned they weren’t quite as happy a couple as they wanted to be.

Sleepovers with Shaun in this universe involved kitty cuddle puddles. There was nothing like curling up together all warm and toasty in some blankets during a horror movie marathon. Cats can do some pretty close cuddling too. It certainly would’ve made Ian and Jack pretty jealous if they saw it!

Which is exactly why Shaun is going to do so when he’s staying at the apartment after getting settled in. He’s gotta pay back Jack for rubbing it in his face that Alice chose Jack after all.

Of course, Shaun isn’t going to have the same split instincts that Alice had. He’s going to be freaking out over Jack, being extra defensive over Alice. For as much as Alice insists that Jack isn’t dangerous, it’s hard for Shaun to shake the feeling of wrongness. Alice fully understands the feeling, as she felt it before. Really, that feeling hasn’t gone away completely, she’s just managed to calm her instincts in that regard with the love she feels for Jack. He’s managed to soothe those defensive instincts down to just a small prickle at the back of her mind.

Since Shaun can’t convince Alice that Jack is bad news, he’s more determined to stick around and keep an eye on Jack. Given how much Alice gave of herself to Ian, who only hurt her in the end, Shaun isn’t convinced that history won’t repeat itself with Jack.

Really, Shaun would consider coming up with excuses to stay in the apartment longer if not for poor baby Moon Pie. Both he and Alice would be worried about her being distressed by Jack's presence. Shaun, naturally, goes protective papa mode, and Alice wants to do all she can to comfort her. For Moon Pie's sake, it's best that they get their own place.

Of course, Shaun would prefer that Alice comes with them and leaves Jack behind.

Jack does try to reassure Moon Pie that he's not dangerous, as she is just an innocent, blind child. It makes him very sad to see any child afraid of him. It bothers him more than he'll admit. (After all, it was Joseph's fear that he might hurt or upset kids as Sunny Day Jack.) He goes out of his way to try and be friendly to her, but she's not convinced, and often openly hisses at him even in human form.

It hurts Jack a lot that the only child that can perceive him is so afraid of him. He can't rest easy with that, eating away at him similar to certain bad memories, so he makes it his personal mission to befriend Moon Pie. It's a priority for him that comes second only to taking care of Alice and loving her.

I figure that Shaun sees a shadowy outline where Jack is, something twisted, putrid, and rotting. Jack gives off a phantom stench that he recoils from. He can't see how Alice can stand to cuddle that thing.

Alice did see Jack in a very distorted way when he arrived. Hell, he still doesn't quite fit in reality, but she can see him for what she is. Her love for him has dulled those repellant sensations so she can better sense him the way he wants her to see, feel, hear, smell, and taste him.

Moon Pie, being blind, can't actually see Jack, but she can keenly feel him, and smell the wrongness. She calls him stinky and often buries her face in Shaun's shirt when Jack is around so she doesn't have to smell him.

While in Sunshine in Hell, Shaun is going to be wary of Jack, over time, he does warm up to the guy, as there’s no instinctive sense of wrongness interfering in that universe. With his protective instincts on high alert in this one, he’s going to have a much harder time calming down about the guy, if he ever does.

It's possible though that Moon Pie will warm up to Jack before Shaun does. Children are more adaptive, and Jack is experienced with dealing with children, plus he is very sincere in wanting to befriend her. Regardless of his feelings about Shaun, he badly wants Moon Pie to like him. Alice certainly helps by championing him as a good guy who can be trusted despite what their feline instincts might lead them to believe.

You bet your sweet bippy that Shaun is going to dig hard into Jack’s past and figure out what the hell is going on with him. He wants to learn everything - where Jack came from, how Jack came to be, what the hell Jack even is, etc. He might wind up digging and clashing with Jack to the point that he gets treated to a certain little speech…

But this was supposed to be a fun and silly AU, so let’s put the drama and yandere horror on the shelf for now and get back to the sweet fluff.

Once Alice gets comfortable with Jack, she’ll start spending time after work curled up in his lap as a cat. Somehow he always manages to find just the perfect ways to stroke her and get her purring. It feels so good, and she practically meeeeeeeelts at his touch. Relaxing as a cat was the best way to unwind, but Jack makes the experience even better, massaging all the soreness out of her muscles and encouraging her to just sprawl across him languidly, opening up to him completely and without reservation or shame.

Jack can’t help but imagine Alice as a human in those positions. It certainly gives him a hard time while they’re still in the friendship stage. He’ll need to be subtle about readjusting his comfy kitty sunshine to rest in his arms or on a pillow in his lap as he hides just how excited he made himself with his naughty private thoughts.

Naturally, once they become a couple and things get intimate, Jack uses these petting sessions as an excuse to coax Alice to let him touch her in human form… though she can keep those cute kitty ears and tail. He just loves how sensitive those parts of her are, so perfect for him to exploit. He can stroke and lick and nibble, making her mewl for him in the most sinful way.

The purring is nice too. Jack loves to point out when Alice is purring for him. It makes him so happy that he can make her feel so good… and of course the purring feels wonderful when he’s inside her. It’s practically sinful the way her warm body vibrates around him, so intimate and pleasurable. Her halfway form has a texture to her tongue, nothing sharp but the little bumps are so nice when she’s going down on him.

Alice is always extra careful about her fangs, but Jack doesn’t mind if she uses them on him. In fact, he encourages it. He loves it when she leaves love bites all over his body, marking him with her love. He makes sure to return the favor so that the whole world can see his love all over her precious body.

Although Jack can’t carry cat Alice around in public like she can in the AU where Jack is the cat, he can still enjoy some kitty in the titty time. His chest is so warm, with ample cleavage that’s perfect to snuggle into. He can even zip up the bottom of his jacket to make sure she won’t fall out of his shirt - not that he would ever allow that to happen. He would never hurt his sunshine, ever!

As a cat, Alice is so small, vulnerable. There’s something just so soothing being tucked into Jack’s shirt, pressed against his skin, listening to his heartbeat and breathing as she’s wrapped up in his warmth and scent. The way he strokes her and coos sweet words of love are addicting. It’s so hard for her to want to leave this warm little nest she found in his arms, her safety from a cold, lonely world.

It’s familiar too. Sometimes in that hazy state of half-sleep, Alice imagines tattoos on Jack’s chest and phantom scents that are so nostalgic and make her think of home. It’s not quite memories of Mary, but she also loved to be held by Joseph just like this a lifetime ago. The world wasn’t so big and scary when she was surrounded by love.

Jack subconsciously remembers these moments as well, the familiar fur and purring, the way his sunshine rubs her cheek against his chest to mark him with her scent on instinct, claiming him as hers. He is hers, and Alice is his. It’s a truth that had been blurred in his mind for so long, lost and distorted with all his other memories, but now it's oh so clear.

Jack knows that being with Alice is why he’s there. He knew her once - these moments were too familiar, too much like home for him to convince himself otherwise. He can’t remember when or where… but this is his sunshine, his amazing, beautiful, supernatural sunshine that makes him warm like no one else ever could.

Alice was so lonely without Jack, he knows that. Even with her family and other relations… he knows she must have been missing something, someone important. Fortunately, he’s here now, and he will never let anything separate them. Ever.

People like Ian and Shaun are seen as opportunistic annoyances that swooped in to fill in the space Jack left behind in his absence. Alice doesn’t need them now that Jack is here.

Her family… can they be trusted? Jack isn’t sure. Since they're cat shifters, surely they'll react the same way Shaun and Moon Pie did. Alice gave him a chance in spite of that instinct because what they have is special. These people... he has no idea.

Alice clearly loves her family, often speaking highly of them. For some strange reason, a part of Jack feels like that’s not true. Not that he thinks Alice is lying! He's sure she means every word, but... he can't quite shake this feeling that they're not good for her. Thoughts of his sunshine’s family were like dark clouds, dimming her beautiful light… yet, what he sees time and time again is the opposite. She lights up when she talks to them over the phone or when she tells him things about them. They sound so warm, like her, and she’s certain that they’ll like him too, even if they have to work around the supernatural roadblocks.

Even still, Jack can’t completely shake the creeping dread that her family is a threat, like they plan to steal her away. He can’t remember why, and he feels bad for thinking that way when they mean so much to her, but he needs to make sure that nothing will ever get between him and Alice.

That’s a bit of a heavy note, but this AU is going to have a happy fluffy ending to it despite the occasional bump in the road because I’m a sucker for happy endings with my OTP. It’s just that this universe has a bit of a winding path to get there. In the end though, Alice and Jack will be happy, and eventually have a few kittens who can turn into children that look like a mixture of the two of them.

Wow, this silly AU ramble went on longer than expected. I should probably start wrapping things up, so I'll be really quick when touching on Barbie and Coraline.

Barbie, being a cat shifter, is a lot more prone to teasing Bo. She doesn't have any negative instincts towards him, but she knows the stereotype and can't help but use it as an excuse to tease her virtual doggy boyfriend. She won’t have the nickname of “Puppy” in this universe, but instead it’ll be “Kitty.” Bo might have issues with cats, but Barbie is his one and only exception. How can he hate her when she’s so warm, and he needs her so badly?

Still, Bo can’t help but go even crazier over her antics in this world, especially since she just loves to tease him without mercy. Like a dog, he wants to chase his kitten around, pounce on her, and show her who the alpha really is. Somehow though, his pretty kitty always manages to get the drop on him, making him be the one to roll over and expose his belly in submission.

Barbie is a large cat - think Maine Coon large - a brown tabby with black stripes and white accents. She has that classic tabby cat look that you could find most anywhere, but her eyes are still dazzling shades of blue and brown that have her stand out from an ordinary cat.

Barbie, also, is a master of the kitty smirk. She uses her feline form as a means to escape interacting with people, and favors climbing to high places to lord over others. In her cat form, she has a collar she wears, and after she gets Bo she decides to clip his digital pet charm onto it so she can take him on wild adventures through the city. It’s a pretty jostling ride, but Bo prefers being shaken up by his kitty and having the world turn into a blur around them as she runs and jumps around rather than being left behind alone at her apartment.

Coraline is the definition of a house cat due to her health problems. It hurts less to be a cat, strangely enough. Like Barbie, she’s also a brown and black tabby, but she has a lot of white patches along her face, head, belly, and “socks” on her feet. She also has a pretty pair of golden brown eyes.

Although cats instinctively recoil from ghosts, Coraline is still fascinated with them. The sensation she gets from haunted spaces is a rush that makes her addicted to learning more and more about them. When she meets Elias, she’s frozen in place with her instincts screaming in fear, yet at the same time she’s never felt more alive.

So, in a way, cat Coraline is much more of a thrill seeker in this universe, just when it comes to encountering the supernatural. While she might not be healthy enough to parkour around the city like her big sister Barbie, she’s still living quite the exciting life at a more moderate pace.

I think I’ll wrap things up there. Admittedly, there’s not too much different from the regular continuity overall, just some fine feline features have been tweaked here and there. Still, I had fun indulging in images of Jack cuddling kitty Alice and the interesting and unexpected dramatic shifts in the story that comes from what was otherwise a very silly AU. I hope you all enjoyed reading about me indulging in my love of kitties mixed with my OTPs!

#Sunny Day Jack #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #sdj #swwsdj #Headcanon Ramblings #My Writing #Sauce-y Art #Cat AU

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egg-emperor · 7 months ago

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Does Eggman go after big burly men/monsters because he enjoys the thrill of making them submit or is it possible that in very rare instances he's fine with temporarily letting someone else be in control long as his own pleasure comes first?

I like to imagine it's both. For just big burly men in general, I imagine he was "fascinated" like all his life but didn't want to outright admit it to himself for a while besides his statues on the Egg Carrier but he could create various, still very gay, excuses for having them lol. But he'd finally get experience with big strong guys for real like Zavok (or Bowser but non canon) and he wouldn't be able to deny it any longer when he just has to jump on that 👀

As for the monsters, it started as just loving the thrill of making them submit for sure, since he primarily gets involved with them for his plans, feeling they'll be useful. Then through it he realizes he's really into the process of making them submit and serve and not just in his typical desire for control and domination way, he realizes it's a full on kink and it goes to very interesting places

The best example is Eggman with the Deadly Six in Lost World, ESPECIALLY Zavok. He had way too much fun bringing them to their knees in submission and was clearly really getting his kicks out of the sadistic aspect of the pain too. He's so playing up the master and slave dynamic here and Zavok doesn't understand that even if he only sarcastically calls him master, he's setting up the perfect opportunity for him to put him in his place and enjoy it

Making him bow at his feet, wagging his finger at him. Yeahhh 🥴

And the way he finds even the smallest reasons to punish them (though it's due to his very high standards too of course) and takes every opportunity to force them to obey with the conch

And the prequel comic made it even more blatantly kinky it was gold

Like hello he literally steps on him and tilts his chin with the conch shajgsnjgksng god me next pls

It's literally canon that he's into it in some form, I don't even have to exaggerate, I mean look at that sadistic smile on his face the two times he does it

The second smirk being quick and sneaky because he wants to appear serious and threatening yet smiles for a split second like he just can't contain himself hehe I love it

All I'm doing is speculating that he gets another kind of excitement from it too lol

And Zavok being a muscle monster dude and how he repeatedly goes after monsters and his hall of muscular guy statues in Hot Shelter, it all checks out. Zavok was the jackpot and best of both in one for him

While the rest doesn't have such confirmation lol, I like to think he discovered he also very secretly likes to be on the receiving end. Typically he'll stay dominant through it first, being the one to order and control them. I can see him always starting with a more dominant power bottom position, where he's still in control and likes to use it in a way to demean them some more, by treating them as not just a tool for his plans but also his personal pleasure

But there'll be temptation to be a little more submissive and when he finally is, he looks at it as being the one being serviced, it's for his own pleasure that comes first rather than what they get. It makes a lot of sense for him to want to just take, in fact it makes a lot of sense for him to not give at all. He has a great case for being a total pillow princess with his entire personality so viewing it through that lense, there is kinda official stuff to support it and it's just *gestures to his entire character* XD

When he is practically just giving himself to them, he constantly has this inner conflict of "why am I letting this happen, if this got out it'd ruin my image" but he likes it too much. It feels nice to just give up control for a little while, relax and have fun. And to feel like the one that's the full center of attention and priority as he lets them work on pleasing him, as it's still always in pursuit of his own pleasure and always his only priority, of course! He'll make sure they still know he's the real dominant one in control after and just enjoy it for now ;)

#dr eggman #eggman #dr robotnik #dr. eggman #my post #asks #suggestive #monsterfucker #buff #eggman x zavok #eggavok #headcanons

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devondespresso · 7 months ago

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Wiggly-Worm Wednesday!! 🧠🪱

speeding through this before Wednesday ends (the deadline is both extremely malleable and entirely self-enforced and also time isn't real)

tagged by the lovely @hbyrde36 thank you!!

Today the worms are Connected they're connecting dots and doing a great job at it!

my non-fic worm is kinda branching off the first 1k i wrote for stwg's fic exchange, which then hopped skipped and jumped over into its own idea and now I'm enjoying my down time imagining the shenanigans of Robin sneaking Steve over post s4, like living in her bedroom hiding in the closet shenanigans cause his parents aren't back and the hospital had to discharge him to help other patients and she can't just leave him home alone that's a recipe for disaster so really she basically had no choice but to sneak him in through her ground-floor window with a duffel bag under her bed and steal a couple of her dads button down shirts because Steve's a dingus and didn't bring any even though any pullover is a pain in the back-and-tricep-roadrash right now.

so of course robins parents find out because stashing away a whole ass adult man in a bedroom for more than a day or so is actually pretty difficult even when he's not gravely injured. in my head they're pretty understanding after they get to cool down a bit, its not like steve was never around before and he'd always been polite, plus even if they still did think stobin were secretly dating, they're clearly not doing anything and the only reason Robin didn't just ask was because she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

And then on the actual wips front i had the brilliant why-didnt-i-think-of-this-sooner idea to pick a wip to work on based on what i was brainworming just for fun, which led me to my actual stobin wip and within like 20 minutes i had a couple epiphanies about the connective themes im exploring like realizing what i was putting together without realizing. (cut because oh god this got long fast)

Its ended up being a lot about gender, the imaginary wall between girls and guys in a friendship sense that feels solid just because you haven't had the proof that its not really there yet, the heteronormativity and amatonormativity driving a wedge between possible friendships. in this fic, robins really apprehensive about forming any kind of connection with steve because she's had the experience of guys only being interested in dating that she has a lot of mistrust around and m/f friendships that start forming (and ofc it ends with post starcourt platonic with a capital P soulmateisms 💕). i also have this little struggle where like if i can name multiple important theme-y words i fear ive got too many going on, so i was afraid this whole loneliness thing I've got for robin was going to conflict with the gender thing but i think ive got it sorted, they're different levels and their connected ideas, robins escape from loneliness means she has to break through her internal gender wall and let it be broken, plus the loneliness is going to be more explicit in the text because robins like fully aware of it while the gender stuff is probably going to stay mostly subtext and be much broader, popping up in steves pov area too and really all around them.

also had no clue how relevant it would be but steve and robin are like perfectly balanced blurred gender lines like steve is a masculine dude comfortable in his masculinity that also has a healthy relationship with his feminine trait, the hair stuff the babysitter/mom friend thing, he's not ashamed of any of it (and actually i had a longer post on Steve's gender balance somewhere in my drafts but we don't have time rn) and then robins like practically the same in her expression of femininity, she's as far as we see comfortably a girl, wears makeup, loved that movie about doomed love, she's got her feminine traits but also likes dabbling in masculine traits, she dresses more masc (tho its still a solid middle ground, comfort is a big focus), she likes ufos and creepy stuff and jokes about spider babies in hair. idk it just felt like they're a matching set as far as gender goes, if they did combine into one being they'd be bigender 100%

anyway uhhh this got long thank you for sticking around fyjdtjdgjdyj

tagging (no pressure and no deadline, im sorry Wednesday is already basically over dyjxjydgj): @momotonescreaming @stellarspecter @dreamwatch @pearynice @withacapitalp

@queenie-ofthe-void @carolperkinsexgirlfriend @writing-kiki @eriquin @eyesofshinigami

(Vague Rules just in case this makes no sense xtjsdjtdyj: it's technically just Wiggly Wednesday and its where you just post your brainworms/fun ideas of the past week/day/whatever. its super loose, i like talking about brainworms for things ill never write and things im currently writing but you can do whatever. no set number of ppl to tag, just have fun!)

@puppy-steve @hairstevington @hotluncheddie @gleek4twd @klausinamarink

@soaringornithopter

#tag game #wiggly wednesday #stobin #my beloveds

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bluedalahorse · 7 months ago

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Nils (for your character ask)

NILSSSS MY GUY. Ok!

How I feel about this character: I enjoy Nils! I’ve said this to a few people, and maybe I’ve said this publicly on my blog, but Nils is fascinating to me because he’s not terribly earnest or romantic or effusive in a show where many characters are earnest. He has his earnest moments—especially in season three—but there’s also a practicality to a lot of what he does. Nils comes across as a little 18 going on 45 but still secretly 18. And I find that refreshing and interesting, in a show where all the characters are very teenagery teenagers. In addition, I think the intersections of Nils’s identity open up a lot of avenues for exploration in fic. Nils could potentially be richer than August and Vincent combined, but he’s also brown and gay and closeted. I’m sort of fascinated by characters who play up their privilege while downplaying the ways in which they are marginalized (to be fair that is almost the entire cast of YR) and this is definitely something I see coming up in how Nils goes about the world. How much internal conflict does that bring up for him? To what extent is he aware of it even, or to what extent is he becoming aware of it as a young adult who’s coming to understand his identity? I also just want to know more about Nils’s sense of South Asian identity, as someone who grew up in an area with a lot of South Asian diaspora. Like, I’m curious about how recently his family immigrated to Sweden, what specific part of the subcontinent they come from, what the family history related to Partition might be, whether it’s just Swedish spoken at home or whether Nils is more bilingual like Simon and Sara, etc. (Also, as someone who watched Sholay with a friend for the first time yesterday, I am wondering how many times small Nils has watched Sholay with aunties and uncles.)

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Okay first and foremost, August. It is extremely confusing to me that fandom seems to be so largely against shipping them after them having more than one vulnerable moment in season three, especially after that conversation they had about the initiations in August’s room. I swear, y’all decided they were illegal to ship on a secret group chat you didn’t invite me to. It just feels extremely obvious to imagine a first year scenario where they’re in a state of pining and repression that could put EM Forster’s Maurice or John Knowles’s A Separate Peace (shout out to @whambamglambam) to shame. And then if you really want to let the characters grow and end up on a journey, they could get back together as adults in like a second chance kinda way. Or they could be disasters as adults, dealer’s choice. Outside of August, I think Wille and Nils could be a great disaster ship and I would like to see more of that. For a time I kind of shipped Nils and Marcus, but now that I have the full shape of the series in my head, it’s not as interesting to me. I think long-term I ship Nils with whichever OC or OCs (not gonna rule out polyamorous Nils) allow him to feel a sense of growth and safety. I created an OC boyfriend for him in Swell the Numbers, and I think I’m going to have them stay together.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Vincent and Nils does zero things for me as a romantic pairing, but I really enjoy thinking about them as friends. I think there’s probably some things that bond them pretty strongly, like rolling their eyes at August being extra (but also maybe worrying about him a little bit.) But there’s also going to be points of tension, like the old money-new money thing, the differences they have around identifiers like race and neurotype, etc. I also think a lot about how Nils is frustrated that Vincent becomes prefect and rowing captain in season 2, and how Nils seems to take rowing pretty seriously and would have liked to be captain himself. There’s a lot underneath that line and I think we should dig out a little more behind it. Outside of Vincent, I like to think that Maddie and Nils have some kind of secret oddball friendship that began when they agreed to lie about hooking up at the opening party. It’s weird and consists a lot of the two of them texting memes to one another and neither of them knows why it works but it works. Maybe someday I’ll include this in a fic.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I’m pretty sure adamantly shipping Nils romantically with August but not with Vincent is an unpopular opinion. Outside of that… okay well, I don’t know if this is unpopular opinion, but I kind of enjoy having a headcanon where Nils’s parents aren’t homophobic and super traditionalist about gender roles or whatever, and are okay with him dating a boy. They just don’t want him dating an actor or an artist or something.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: YR didn’t really start explicitly addressing race as much until season 3, but now that we’ve seen how Felice thinking about race, it’d be interesting to see a similar storyline with Nils.

Thank you for sending in the ask! It was good to get a chance to ramble.

#young royals #nils polstjerna #ask game

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andreal831 · 1 year ago

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If Hayley and Elijah were to get married do you think Hayley would take the Mikaelson last name or would she keep her last name; would they hyphenate also just any thoughts you have on a Haylijah wedding?

I've written a haylijah wedding as an epilogue to one of my stories so I've given it some thought already.

Hayley would take the Mikaelson last name, but would not hyphenate it. The only reason she hyphenated it with Jackson was because it wasn't a marriage of love to start, it was a political arrangement.

Hayley isn't emotionally attached to the last name Marshall. There is some confusion in the fandom of Hayley's past -- it seems she was adopted initially and then either living on the streets or in something of a foster care situation after her family kicked her out. She doesn't ever talk about wanting to reconnect with her adoptive parents, so she wouldn't care to sever that connection. Specifically with the Mikaelson name.

Hayley went in search of her family in New Orleans and found it in the Mikaelsons. That was the first time she truly understood what it meant to be family. Very early in her relationship with all of them, she considers herself a Mikaelson. Not through her relationship with Elijah or even her daughter, but in the connection she has with most of the family. While she has conflicting feelings at times, she always backs the Mikaelsons. She is a Mikaelson. Marrying Elijah and taking on the last name would just solidify it.

Hayley would want a quiet, outdoor wedding. The complete opposite of what Klaus threw her.

We always see Hayley very in touch with nature and her wolf side, she would want that reflected. Elijah doesn't care where it is as long as he gets to marry Hayley. Although, he would want there to be a dance floor because he wants to be able to dance with his wife all night.

They wouldn't want a big wedding, just the important people in their lives. Depending on Hope's age, she would either be a flower girl or a bridesmaid. They wouldn't write their own vows because they both hate being the center of attention and sharing their emotions in front of others, even if it is just family. Instead, they would share them in private later that night.

Elijah would insist Hayley wear a white dress since he's never been married and secretly always imagined having that moment with her. It would be a simple dress, one she can easily move and dance in. Elijah would of course wear a tux.

They wouldn't care about the decorations, letting Rebekah and Hope plan what they wanted with the instruction of "keeping it simple." Rebekah would try her hardest but definitely go overboard.

It would be a beautiful and happy day for the entire family.

Thanks for the ask! I love talking about haylijah <3

#haylijah #elijah x hayley #elijah mikealson #hayley marshall #haylijah wedding #the wedding we deserved #tvdu #the originals #tvd #the mikaelsons #tvd anon ask #fandom asks #anon ask #fandom answers #always and forever #andrea831 metas #andrea831 metas hayley #andrea831 metas elijah #andrea831 metas haylijah

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bereft-of-frogs · 6 months ago

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Ok so I've definitely entered my 'blending headcanon and critique to make The Acolyte make sense to me' era because I loved enough of it to really want to be able to rewatch it, but I'm struggling with a few things, mostly about the ending. The first to tackle: what was up with Sol's sudden pivot into obsession with the vergence in the finale?

That's an easy fix: make Sol obsessed with the vergence from the start.

Ok, maybe not such an easy fix because this requires us living in the alternate universe where there is a secretly good 12 episode cut of the show that understands how to work in flashbacks as a B plot properly and not just dump them in two clumps without any framing device. (I can't believe my framing device theory wasn't real lol that seemed like such an easy setup.) We'd really need more of the flashback way earlier to avoid the mistake of introducing these big concepts in episode 7 of 8. (Bonus, imagine how much more devastating a betrayal Aniseya's death at Sol's hands would have been if we'd gotten more time with all of them on Brendok.)

Anyway yeah, in the secretly good 12 episode season, we're introduced pretty quickly to past!Sol and his main two character motivations: 1) his desire for a student (also sets up a good dark mirror with Qimir) and 2) his conviction that a vergence is what cause the resurgence of life post-hyperspace disaster, and these two motivations interplay with each other throughout the narrative. This would make Sol's relationship with Indara more interesting, if it brings them into conflict. Because Indara doesn't seem to be convinced the phenomenon is caused by a vergence (she says as much in the scene around the fire) and Sol disagrees with how she's handling Torbin's restlessness. (I've defended her in the past, I won't reiterate here, but see this post for my defense of Indara lol.) It makes sense too, given that he's the one that brings up the vergence in the first place, in that scene at the fire. And in the early parts of the present narrative, maybe we get an early throwaway line, in place of one of the 'we were stationed on Brendok', could be something like 'we were searching for something important...but that doesn't matter now' to signify it was something on Sol's mind but not give away the whole truth right away.

While the murder investigation, etc happens in the present, we're cutting back occasionally to the flashbacks, where Sol comes across the girls playing. I think Sol genuinely did feel both a connection to Osha and concern for their safety, so that's where motivation #1 (a padawan) starts to take precedence over motivation #2 (the vergence). But #2 is still there, coming up again in the first confrontation, after Indara asks about the girls' father and Sol starts to suspect they were created by the vergence. This could explain why he insisted on both girls being tested (at least in the episode 3 dialogue, that's cut from 7 for some reason). The interplay between these motivations would also explain why he rushes into the fortress when he senses Osha's distress, but the first words out of his mouth to Aniseya are to ask how the girls were created.

In the aftermath of the ensuing tragedy though, when faced with the guilt of killing Aniseya and choosing to save Osha over Mae, after his confrontation with Indara...he realizes he fucked up big time. He has to let go of his fixation on the vergence in order to make things right with Osha and focus entirely on motivation #1: raising and training her. And besides, there's no proof of the vergence remaining because the main evidence was the blood test proving they were the same consciousness, but without Mae it just looks like they mistakenly ran the sample twice or something. So he lets it go. He just focuses on Osha and buries all that stuff about Mae and the vergence down deep, as the darkness he never faces, and hopes it never comes up again.

And then Sol chills out even more! Ten years pass and he realizes he also made a mistake getting so emotionally attached to Osha and acting out of that possessive attachment. So when she decides to leave the Order, he lets her go with love! He matures and moves into a more stable position as a master, he becomes a teacher, he gets a padawan in the traditional way, everything seems good. I bet he felt a certain amount of relief. Guilt, yes, but after so long I bet it felt like it was all in the past and he's a different person now, what happened was sad and horrible but there's nothing to be done so he just focuses on being the best Jedi he can in the present.

Until of course, everything gets completely upended again by the revelation that Mae is not dead after all. She's alive and coming for revenge. There's definitely some of the 'oh shit I fucked up even more than I originally thought' panic, and freaking out that the Order is about to find out the truth of what Sol did, but also all the vergence stuff gets dragged up again. Because now he might be able to prove it. I think for a while Sol suppresses that thought, and really believes his actions during the investigation are motivated by good. He wants to capture Mae alive, he doesn't want another Jedi who might be willing to eliminate her to stop her because he genuinely wants to save her and find a way to make what happened right -- but he also needs her alive to prove she and Osha are one consciousness. He wants to warn Torbin and Kelnacca that Mae is coming for them -- but he also needs them to testify to the vergence on Brendok 16 years ago. Why else is Sol so insistent on talking to Torbin? If it was just a case of apprehending Mae, they don't need to talk, they just need to stake out the temple and wait to catch her in the act. What other subject would he be so certain Torbin would break the vow of silence for?

But then Khofar happens and goes so horribly wrong and so now Sol's in a full downward spiral, with even more blood on his hands. I don't think he really wants to hurt Mae in that final episode, but he's just cracking under the weight of all the deaths he's directly or indirectly responsible for, and he's left with nothing but the vergence. Everyone is dead and he feels he had a hand in all of it. He’s the last one alive, other than the twins, the last thing he can cling to is going back to the start, proving this vergence exists, because maybe then it will all mean something. And his unhinged behavior in the finale is the culmination of all that guilt and grief and being left with nothing but the obsession with the vergence beyond any rationality. (Until the real final culmination, when he comes back to himself for a moment at the end and tells Osha it's okay while she's killing him.)

I've still got some stuff to wildly invent explanation, like why the vergence was so important in the first place, what it actually was, why Koril was so scared of the Jedi finding out about it, but I think this helps me wrap my head around some stuff so I can rewatch the finale without being like 'huh?' I think this also fits with the duality themes, that Sol's motivations were never in balance, in the end he wasn't able to reconcile his obsession with the vergence and his genuine love for Osha and regret for what happened to Mae. I do suspect it would have (imo) worked better if they'd given some of Torbin's last minute 'we have to prove the vergence' motivation to Sol. Because the series as it stands, doesn't have much setup for that obsession with either of them, but for Torbin it has neither setup nor payoff, at least with Sol then it would connect to why he's scrambling to get them to Brendok in the finale. It also makes sense to me to sort of just re-order than scene in the forest to have Sol be the driving factor to getting them to go back to the fortress, especially because he ALSO thinks something is wrong. It's that double whammy motivation that leads them into the catastrophe. There are definitely still holes and this isn't so much a 'this is what I think the show was trying to do' and more a 'let me rearrange this into a shape that will allow me to watch lightsaber duels without thinking so much.'

ANYWAY tldr: introducing the vergence and making it a more significant part of Sol’s character arc much earlier would have solved a bunch of issues AND be a really compelling narrative where it combined and conflicted with his other main motivation, a genuine love and connection with Osha and deep regret for what he did to Mae and their mother. They just biffed it a bit by only bringing up the vergence in episode 7 of 8.

really tldr: I know I'm doing the 'every day Star Wars fans come on here and say some version of Star Wars would be so good if it was good' but I mean I've been doing that for like 25 years at this point and I find it fun so. Continuing. XD

#i wrote three drafts of this lol #all to be able to watch good lightsaber duels without wondering too much about the plot #it's just not really star wars to me if it didn't kind of need a script doctor and also is actually the secretly good version in my head #star wars #the acolyte #the acolyte spoilers

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