#I have thought way too much about this
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What are somethings you would have liked to see happen for April and Jackson either individually or together? Storylines, relationships, etc.
For April: more storylines about her professional life. She was never given a chance to shine on that front, so I would have loved to have seen her rule the ER, practice new trauma techniques on the field or in the hospital, and be celebrated by her peers. Having her be involved in the foundation with Catherine as a guide. Her having friends outside of Arizona, too. Maybe with Alex, Amelia, even Maggie.
For Jackson: we should have seen more of his struggles with fatherhood, his legacy, his dad. He was happy and yet terrified to be a father before Samuel, and they dropped any mention to this afterward. The Montana episode should have given way to a more detailed arc about his father and whether Jackson wanted to include him in his life. And though his exit from the show was good, it would have been even more impactful if his legacy and his involvement in the foundation had been explored in the preceding seasons. Also have him more meaningful friendships with Ben or Alex, and someone to mentor!
For them together: them learning to communicate clearly, laying a good foundation for them getting back together. Lots of domestic and sexy scenes, them raising Harriet, talking about Samuel, being happy.
(see, this is why we need a spinoff now.)
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Every time I hear about white women eating their placentas all I think about is Hannigram
#Hannibal would have a home birth tho#he’d spend months setting up the perfect Birthing Room in his stupid big house#living the Facebook mom group dream#he’d be so boss babe about his neonatal supplements#I have thought way too much about this#they’d name the kid something stupid like talon or griffyn istg#hannigram#Hannibal
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i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues
#oh the experience of being 13 years old and seeing all my friends talking about wanting to have sex and obsessing over it#and being like 'we are all literally WAY too young to be having sex what the actual fuck are you talking about#why are you even considering it when we have much more important things to worry about. like how much middle school sucks'#you know what though. i still stand by this. that was an entirely reasonable thought to have and i WAS being normal about it#anyway#mine#asexuality
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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.
we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."
at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.
the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.
the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.
what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.
here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.
#this is true#writeblr#warm up#relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes#amongst the Siblings#is like - ''this is so good u will love it''#while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting#like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good''#to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good#(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and#like. we're GONNA try the new thing.)#edit to answer why we had so much vanilla:#my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house.#it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out''#even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter.#my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract#to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids#so like she was right to stock up#ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that#u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it#> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes#> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out)#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9#when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it.#3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters#i am the middle child#out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite
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I still think the funniest way—the funniest way, mind you, not the right one—to adapt The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck to television would be to make some of the exact same necessary tweaks to the plot, pacing, and (maybe) characterization that you’d need to do with an animated adaptation but otherwise keep most things more or less the same, change the title of the show and change the names of the characters to be less ducky, make everyone human and cast David Tennant in the lead role, and turn it into an old HBO style prestige series. Same story (sans those small and maybe one big plot changes), same characters, but don’t market it as an adaptation. See what everyone (besides the duck comic fans watching, who will have figured it out by then) does when a guy named Donald shows up with triplets in the second-to-last episode.
#anyway this is why I should never#be put in charge of any large scale creative project#I would be a gigantic troll#wouldn’t actually do this#but I still think it would be funny#not really sure why#I have thought way too much about this
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corvidae
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#blood/#yuuji#im not tagging this as spoilers idc sue me . iykyk but i dont think it's obvious enough at all 2 warrant the tag#idrk what this is sorry ive been having a hard time drawing n feeling inspired lately :'>>> so it goes#i find i tend to default to drawing birds when that happens ???#did it with gojo did it with shiro and now it's yuuji's turn ig#sometimes it's helpful to just . mess around with a whole bunch of brushes until something looks ok#and birds and feathers lean soooo well 2 playing around w brushes theyre very forgiving#flowers also kind of so i threw in some camellias bc i figured why not add More Red#i think they mean something that's probably relevant but i was more looking fr the shape of the petals#th rounded tops blend rly seamlessly with the way i rendered th feathers so i am like!!!! nice#just checked also apparently red camellias just mean love and devotion lmao should have guessed#'perishing with grace' also hm hm hm that's kind of wild with th crows#anyway i didn't put too much thought in2 this one so i won't talk fr ages about the symbolism it's all pretty much right there#anyway ty fr being patient with me im sorry draws have been slow :<#ill come out of it ill bounce back!
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well since you ask...
Moral Orel and Midnight Mass crossover.
The island, which I think is off the coast of Massachusetts, is divided in two, one side catholic, the other side protestant, complete with their respective churches (but there is only one school, hospital, police dept, general store etc, with characters from both shows). There is a lot of tension between the two congregations of the island that grows over the course of a year. Some characters are able to develop friendships together despite their differences (Orel and Leeza, Stephanie and Riley, Sarah and Nurse Bendy, Joe and Joe) while others become more hostile to each other (Bev and Miss Censordoll, Sheriff Hassan and Officer Papermouth, Paul and Clay). Many discussions between characters about their different views are had. There are not just vampires, but also werewolves involved, just to even things out.
The catholic/protestant tension rises to a fever pitch as easter approaches, culminating in the events of Sacrifice leading directly into easter mass on a full moon.
🩸⛪🌕
hey y'all important question
is there a moral orel au that you are currently thinking about
be it original or just an au where you can put orel in a different scenario
#moral mass#it came from my brain#Its really complicated#i have thought way too much about this#this is what my brain does when I'm not looking#moral orel#midnight mass#crossover#alternate universe#🩸⛪🌕
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So I was doing some math, and I THINK Skully is almost as tall as Malleus without his horns
I think the main reference to his height is Epel being surprised they're the same age because he's taller than Sebek, yes? which I find interesting, considering Jade and Malleus -- two of the tallest guys in the main cast -- are also there. and, since I've never been one to not think waaaay too much about the absolute stupidest minutiae about fictional characters, I see two possibilities:
one is that Epel is extremely good at eyeballing heights (I actually do feel like he could be? like. I'd believe he can estimate someone's height fairly accurately by calculating based on the life stages of an apple tree, or how many apples tall they are, or something else apple-related like that.) and Scully does, perhaps, fall into that narrow margin between Sebek and Jade in height.
OR two, out of the three certified Tall Guys there, Sebek is Epel's main frame of reference because he's the only one he's had any real interaction with for, let's be fair, pretty obvious reasons.
SO in conclusion, we still have no concrete answers and will probably have to wait until next year when we get his card profile, alas alas. 😔
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#disclaimer that this is mostly a joke and i am aware that i'm putting way more thought into this than was intended#(just like how i've thought WAY too much about where this event takes place chronologically based on a single throwaway line)#(the chronology is complex but there are more pressing discussions for now)#honestly i would love it if scully was like 6'7" and just towered over everybody#except malleus' horns#that's why he has to wear the glasses!#he needs eye protection just in case malleus turns around too quickly or something#geeze and he's only 16...he hasn't even reached his final form yet#do they have the courage to make him just a big ol' baguette of a man#or are they going to be all consistent about average heights or whatever >:(#we're gonna get his profile next year and find out he's like 188.5cm#(rip my vague hopes that fellow would surprise us by being a short king)#(look gidel is VERY small. there was a CHANCE)
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don't you want to be a cult leader? - danyal al ghul au
this is mostly a joke post but i thought it was funny and had to share so--
his first mistake was, obviously, inheriting his father's inability to see an injustice and stand still. -- actually, danyal's first mistake was his lair being so big. a mountainous island with a large temple in the center resembling his old home in Nanda Parbat? With sprawling foliage and rivers and streams and waterfalls galore? What was he going to do with all that space? Let it go to waste? He had plants there! Native trees of the ghost zone growing from the soil! He couldn't let it all be left unchecked!
So naturally after helping a fellow teenage assassin ghost -- who he later learns is named Akihiko, -- from Walker of all people, he sent them over to hang low at his lair until it was safe enough for them to wander around the Zone. Walker couldn't get through Danyal's astrofield if his life depended on it, and trust him -- he's tried. Danny was clearing out debris from his stupid transport vans for weeks.
Honestly it wasn't so bad, he and Aki really quickly became fast friends and Danny loves having a sparring partner close to his level again -- he hasn't had this much fun fighting since he left the League. Aki was very dedicated and levelheaded, the both of them clicked really well because of it.
Nonono, the real trouble began after Danyal met some long-passed League members and allowed them to come join his island as well. Apparently they had made a few enemies of the zone, and maybe Danyal still felt some loyalty to the League. He couldn't just let them be left to rot. Their zealotry could be overlooked so long as they kept it contained and helped him take care of his island.
And it.. snowballs from there? He meets a teen squire aptly calling himself Ambroise -- whether that was his living name or not is yet to be seen -- who died during feudal france, who is just about as dramatic and passionate as every french stereotype makes them out to be. He calls Danyal "my moon and great muse" -- which is both flattering and little uncomfortable, but Danyal's grown up in the League as the Grandson of the Demon Head, he is used to mild worship. he passes it off as nothing more, nothing less. -- and while his energy is overwhelming on the worst of days, he helps Danny draw out of his shell more in ways that Sam and Tucker still struggle with.
Him and Aki butt heads a lot, but the two seem to hold the other in at least some positive regard, so Danny doesn't worry too much about them fighting while he's gone. It only becomes a mild issue when Aki also begins calling Danny "my moon". It's a little sweet, so Danyal brushes it off.
Then he takes in a troupe of ghosts some time after he defeats Pariah Dark and they begin calling him "great one" just as the yetis do in the far frozen. This is where he meets the twins -- a pair of sibling ghosts who call themselves Trixie and Missy (short for Trick and Mislead) -- who aren't quite as passionate as Ambroise but more energetic than Aki. Eventually they also start calling Danyal "my moon" and attach themselves to his hip, even within the living. They like to hide in his shadow and cause trouble for the rest of the students. He makes sure they don't hurt anyone.
He's pretty sure Aki is jealous, same with Ambroise, but he can't be too certain other than the fact that they become much more lingering (re: clingy) whenever he visits the island.. Something he's trying to do much more often these days due to the increasing amount of people living there now. Since when did he become so popular?
Then there's Pēnelópeia from the Greater Athens, who ran away from home and joined his Island after he ran into her while she was being chased by Skulker -- and he's pretty sure the reason was because of her chimeric appearance. Her strange eyes and mismatched wings and lion's tail and talons. She assimilates into his friend group very easily, she gets along well with Ambroise and Trixie and Danny usually finds the three of them climbing the trees to pluck the most fruit from the top. They can fly and he knows it, but they prefer to climb.
Then finally there's silent poet Akkara who comes from ancient mesopotamia, who gets along most with Aki -- which is no surprise there considering their similar personality dispositions. he watches Aki and Danyal fight each other and leaves comments on this or that that he notices. He writes Danyal poems on clay tablets and leaves them by his room.
They're one big mismatched group of outcasts, and Danny's got the other ghosts on his island to tend to, because they're living on his island and he wants to be hospitable even if he struggles with that. But he spends the most of his time with them.
Sam and Tucker are making fun of him. Tucker jokingly tells him 'careful Danny, at this rate you're gonna start a cult'. Danny really wishes he had taken that joke more seriously.
He just. keeps. collecting people. Wayward souls lost in the zone, looking for shelter or refuge from something or other -- whether that be another hostile ghost, or a past afterlife, or just a purpose. Danyal finds them, he takes them in, offers them a place on his island until they are ready to leave. Many seldom do. He's not complaining -- he has the space, and it feels like it's only ever growing.
His close friends, his "inner circle" as he's heard the others call them, keep insistently calling him "my moon". He starts calling them his stars, because then it only feels fair. They're his stars, this is his constellation. It becomes a thing; little star halos begin forming behind their heads, picking them out from the rest. He loves them so much, it's hard to place. Sam and Tucker are also his stars, but they reside in the living realm, they're his tie to Life. Meanwhile, his friends here know what it's like to be dead, and sometimes its nice to relate.
Those living on his island keep calling him "Great One" and he's beginning to notice zealotry in their care for his island. He really, deeply appreciates it. His close friends gain nicknames -- as his stars, it's only natural for him to pick them out from the cluster in the skies. Akihiko, his Sirius and bright star. Trix and Missy, Castor and Pollux, the twins and troublemakers. Ambroise, his zealous Antares and close friend. Penelopeia, chimeric and loyal Vega. And Akkara, his Arcturus and strength.
It's ridiculous how long it takes for him to notice; he is, of course, a deadly trained assassin. He is meant to be observant -- and normally he is! But somehow this becomes a blind spot. One that becomes too big to be dealt with by the time he realizes it.
He should've noticed when Aki, his Sirius, stood beside him one day while Danyal looked over his island and saw the sprawling spirits carrying on about their afterlife and bowing to him as they saw him, and said: "I looked down into the depths when I met you; I couldn't measure it." They aren't one for flowing prose, it took him so off guard he was silent for over a minute before he finally spoke.
Danyal should've recognized devotion for what it is, and yet he didn't. He should've recognized it when Antares began spouting praises about him, crowing about his radiance and resplendence to the heavens. He just brushed it off as Ambroise being Ambroise. He should've recognized it when Trix and Missy nearly broke Dash's leg after he knocked Danyal's books out of his hands, he excused it as them being protective. Of them coming from times where such violence may have been customary -- after all, that's what he used to be like. What he was still like, sometimes, when his emotions nearly got the better of him.
He should've noticed it when the people living on his island followed his word like gospel, looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky. When his friends gifted him a shawl with the moon phases delicately embroidered into it, with silver, shimmering thread and moving stars lovingly stitched into it. Their constellations seen clear as day in the dark fabric. When he found small shrines dedicated to him -- but they lacked any image of him beyond stones carved to look like moons, so he ignored it. When the religious imagery began popping up.
He really, really should've noticed it when a bunch of cultists accidentally summoned Antares, and Antares had turned to him when he arrived and called them heretics. But he was so centered on the fact that they had kidnapped one of his stars, that he hadn't paid much attention to what Ambroise had said.
Sages say that faith is blind, they should also say faith in you is even blinder.
It really only hits him one afternoon while he's sitting in Sam's room studying with Tucker, Missy and Trixie lounging at his feet, Aki sat on his right, Penelopeia braiding his hair, Ambroise draped against him, and Akkara lurking over him. Its one of the rare few times they're all in one room together.
It hits him like a bolt of lightning. He looks up from his textbook. "Oh Ancients," he says in no amounting shock. Everyone looks up to him.
"I've become my grandfather."
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#danyal al ghul au#dpxdc au#dp x dc au#dpxdc prompt#ive been playing cult of the lamb recently and you can tell#anyways i thought this was funny to think about. its specifically danyal al ghul bc that makes it even funnier#tfw you accidentally become a cult leader. rip to you danny you have a cult following#not at ALL an accurate depiction of a cult but i still think its funny. innaccurate cult depictions. ur in too deep to change it now danno#sam and tucker: hey dude... this is a cult | danny still learning how to People: what. no. these are all my friends and refugees.#his inner circle are all Insane about him they just show it in different ways. Sirius is as equally zealous as the rest they just don't#show it as much. which has mistakenly convinced danyal that they are the more logical one. no danny. they would kill for you#danny: i am being hospitable | sam: you created a cult | danny: i am being hosPITABLE#i dont like ghost king aus but i love danny being in positions of power it just has to feel earned. 'accidental kingdom acquisition' is my#favorite trope it just has to be done correctly. 🫵 build that bitch up with your bare hands and not realize until its too late you fool#'becoming a world power by accident and im in too deep to back out now'#danyal. a raised assassin (has no threshold for normal behavior): *sees utter devotion towards him* yeah this is fine and normal.#danyal: yk i dont see this ending horribly. *goes and collects more followers* yeah this is totally cool. welcome to the constellation#danyal: *saves a few people and houses them in his lair* (everyone liked that [to a worrying degree actually])#his inner circle: my moon! | danny: my stars :]#danny: ive become my grandfather. | danny: ... | danny: idk how to feel about that honestly.#those poor cultists that kidnapped antares were subjected to a 3hr tangent about 'the radiance of the Moon and his resplendent generosity'#before danyal found him and got him home. who were the cultists summoning? who knows! but they got Objectively the Worst out of the#constellation to summon by accident. actually they're all bad there's no picking who. they're all various amounts of Unhinged Danny just#Never Realizes It because he is also Unhinged and thinks some of this shit is normal.#like yeah thats totally normal behavior he has no questions whatsoever. this seems like Typical People Stuff.
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im in agony. a little self indulgent but I think wyll deserves to be told he's loved and have a small breakdown about it
#bg3#wyll ravengard#tav#wyll x tav#baldur's gate 3#voltaical ocs#bishop#finally downloaded one (1) font bc i had too much dialog for this#i dont even hate ulder taht much i just thing wyll should talk about ANY complicated feelings he has about him.#also the way wyll always seems to be quoting him like pls what are YOUR THOUGHTS not some cryptic thing your father told you 10 years ago#and rlly if you take the way wyll describes the situation as hard truth#ALL the justification Ulder had for banishing his son#are conclusions WYLL has come to on his OWN since ulder only said ‘one word to him’#LIKE his relationship with his father could have been SO interesting but wyll isn’t allowed to have ANY introspection at all#so he just apologizes and wyll continues to try and please him
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hello denizens of tumblr i come with humble offerings
they wish to romance you
#HIHIHIIIIHIIII ITS BEEN A WHILE!!!!#IVE STARTED COLLEGE!!!!#AND IM SO BUSY BUT IM HAVING SO MUCH FUN#BIOLOGY IS SO FUN TOO!!!#I love love love science and biology#what was I saying??#oh yeah HELLOO!!!!#IM STILL ALIVE AND KICKING#crying about statistical inferences but still alive#im going to be busy for a long time but i promise i still care y’all#and if i left any one of you on read i am sorry#im going to respond to all of you in just a minute i prommy life has just been insane so far#insanely good and bad ways#ive learned about people i thought i knew and about subjects i never thought i would understand#okay okay okay enough treating my blog like my diary#thats what my sketchbook is for!! xD#fnaf#fnaf fanart#dca#dca fandom#the dca#the daycare attendant#fnaf sb#security breach#sun fnaf#moon fnaf#sundrop#moondrop#love ya’ll make sure to take care of yourselves#chicken doodles
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oh would you look at that
part 1!
#alan becker#animator vs animation#ava#ava tco#ava tsc#ava red#ava blue#ava yellow#ava green#aaaand thats all my post s3 thoughts let out!#iiiiii think#yeah thats it ? yeah#cho's slept for a day in this context by the way#ive heard stuff about the sticks percieving time longer than humans i think??#pretty sure its a headcanon other people have but either way i find it very interesting!#so with that in mind i think tco's 1 day “”coma“” probably felt like 942894 months for the cg idk i may be overshotting that#at least tco is okay now! yeah ...i say as i plan another angst comic with tco in itWOAH im talking too much i mean who said th#lilacsart
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guys. hear me out
#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#shin soukoku#sskk#akutagawa ryuunosuke#atsushi nakajima#sketchy#ngl this AU is for pure vibes. that being said i have thought about it way too much SGFHVHJVJBM#ALSO THIS WAS MY EXCUSE TO DRAW ATSU BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AND HE DESERVES TO LOOK PRETTY okay bye
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rare sightings of dean's pretty armpits over 15 seasons of spn aka what you follow this blog for!
#spnedit#deanedit#i'm me so i have MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT IT TOO ACTUALLY#like 1 of these scenes it's a shapeshifter that has stolen dean's skin and reveals it to us without his consent#and that's the first time ever we see his body even before his love scene with cassie which is vulnerable in a different way#and then after years of not even taking his clothes off to sleep post-hell demon!dean is casually naked around CROWLEY?#and it's just incredibly jarring to watch#it immediately drives home how much he just doesn't give a shit anymore#supernatural#house afraid to be alone#*
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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Okay I’m. Usually. Usually I don’t enjoy human aus and usually I hate drawing transformers as humans because it feels so wrong to my brain.
But then I stumbled upon Dream of something more by Gemma_Inkyboots and aaauuuhh fuck. Here’s the pile of the most vague and unspecific and undetailed fanart. Because I’m being torn between “I can’t drawing human designs” and “If don’t draw something for this fic I die”.
#maccadam#transformers#dratchet#ratchlock#drift#deadlock#ratchet#it’s kind of mermaid au#but I ….auuhh I can’t design mer Deadlock spare ne#*me#I’m struggling haha#at first I was like#oh okay I see. This is about mer falling in love with a human and then deciding that he needs to be a human too so he can be with his love#but something#SOMETHING was so interestingly off#and then I realised that….oh fuck#it’s not about ‘finding your love’#it’s about finding your way back to your love even though you have a fucking amnesia and don’t remember you are loved#Deadlock is so damn confused half of the time because he jUSt found Ratchet#but Ratchet already knows him and loves him and cares about him and he missed him so much and he thought Deadlock was dead???#………yeah….great fic#fic fanart#Deadlock thinking that Ratchet’s clothes smells like home and Ratchet’s food tastes like home is…..#*dies*#the fic is unfinished#there’s 2 chapters left I think? But it’s SO worth reading eheheh
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