#I have this unused drafts that I will probably rewrite
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//Brief Update:
House has mold -> guys came to tear up walls -> did not have permits and weren't very professional -> half of house has been unusable since mid-August -> also, most of the remaining half looks like a warzone from setting things aside
Social security is giving my mom less than she was supposed to get -> qualifying for a real house looking highly unlikely anytime soon
Pain has been flaring up -> worker's comp not communicating quickly if at all -> still waiting on treatment
Heat wave -> passing out after work -> missing meals and meds -> poor mental and physical health
Phone broke -> lost pictures and drafts -> still not logged back into all my apps -> attempts to rewrite replies = writer's block from frustration of losing drafts
Tried to join my mom for part of her vacation to catch a break -> got majorly sunburnt on 1st day -> spent most of second day at hospital because stress regarding current life situation apparently gave my mom shingles and bell's palsy, made worse by her fibromyalgia -> both of us came home early -> next few days will be spent trying to help her with her medication regimen and general health
Probably more, but I lost track a long time ago
Idk what to call this. Semi/Mostly hiatus? May write occasionally, but won't promise consistent activity until life eases up for a significant enough chunk of time to feel safe. Will update when that happens.
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Hey! Hi! Can I just say that I started reading Dwelling on Dreams, and already from the get-go I knew I would love it â your writing, characterization, dialogue, all of it. You have some beautifully quotable sentences that I wonder how you even come up with â like does this just seamlessly flow from your creative mind? ANYWAYS, Idk if you get asked this often but if you have any tips or lessons for writing in general, I'd be grateful for the wisdom. Thank you, master!
HEY! THIS IS REALLY FKN NICE!!! Thank you so much!!!!!
God, I wish I could say YES, it all pours straight from my mind onto the page exactly as you read it, but that would be a total lie.
The truth is, Iâm an embarrassingly chaotic writer. I draft out of order, change direction 40k words in, leave names, dates, and transitions incomplete until I absolutely cannot go one more step without making a decision. This clashes with my need for everything to be perfect all the goddamn time, so the only way I will ever finish anything (and particularly those long fics I love to write), is by following a method that works for me. It isnât fast. It isnât organized. It can be tedious.
Everything starts with free writing. For me, that means turning off the brain-to-page filter and just spewing it all out there, no matter how bad it looks. Weâre talking pure stream of consciousness, 1000 words in 30 minutes with no consideration for grammar or spelling. And I swear to you, those little nuggets of âoh shit thatâs goodâ that have me rubbing my dirty little beetle hands together in glee, they come out of this stage. I use free writing to warm up, to wind down, to work through plot holes, smut, character development, or even how Iâm feeling about things. Sometimes itâs just 500 words of âoh my god why is this so hard I hate this why do I sign up for this who decided this was fun maybe Iâm just hungryâoh look! A squirrel!â
Of course, making the mess is the fun part, cleaning up the mess, less so. Next, I take those free writes and illegible outlines, and put them in some semblance of order. Then I rewrite. And rewrite again. And again. I will usually draft a scene between 2 and 6 times before I even attempt to consider spelling or grammar. If I bog myself down in the pretty details too soon, I lose the thread of the story or the natural flow of dialogue. If Iâm thinking about where a comma goes, Iâm not following my intuition and my story will suffer.
Does this result in a ton of unusable material that goes straight into the trash? YOU BETCHA. Take Dwelling on Dreams, for example. My scrivener binder for that fic clocked in at 420k words. Thatâs how many words it took to get 130k of them right. Or as right as they can be before I lose my damn mind and start wondering if I even really speak English at all.
Hell, in the interest of full disclosure, I used that process to answer this ask. I word vomited my thoughts (which mostly started with, wtf lakdfjafij I have no idea what Iâm doing how could I possibly convince anyone that I do???!?!?!), figured out what the hell I wanted to say, still managed to say too much, and here we are.
Did I answer your question? PROBABLY NOT! But Iâm still so grateful you asked.
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HowElseIsGirlhoodLearned? | analysis
i wrote a thing (again).
for our final portfolio in my creative writing class we had to write second drafts of all of our work, and for me this included almost entirely rewriting this CNF piece about girlhood and my own experiences with it as a queer ex-catholic.
writing this CNF piece originally was like pulling teeth for me, iâm completely unable to write about myself unless itâs through poetry. writing the second draft wasnât any easier, either. âgirlhoodâ is a piece thatâs really personal and close to my heart, and itâs probably one of my favorite things iâve ever written.
neither versions are especially well-written i donât think, and they were NOT fun to write, but theyâre both such labors of love.
while writing the first draft, i was deep in the throws of obsession (yellowjackets is so blame) and had been listening to florence + the machineâs cover of âjust a girlâ on repeat for months. the entire concept for the piece just kind of came to me, and the format was borne out of rereading passages of carmen maria machadoâs âin the dream houseâ to kind of learn to to write CNF in a way that didnât made my skin crawl.
while writing the second draft, essentially rewriting 70% of the first, i was deeply contemplating apocalypse & mother-daughter relationships, and was still dealing with the minor trauma of being repeatedly harassed by a middle aged man student in that very creative writing class.
the second person pov choice was made in order to distance myself further from the work, especially while writing the first draft. while talking about my own personal experiences, some of them very uncomfy, i could maintain a personal distance from the work. my cw professor also (very kindly) notes to me that it added to a sort of collective consciousness for people who experienced girlhood in a similar way.
second person pov is only broken once in a very short entry about halfway through both drafts, and it was actually taken out of a poem that iâd written in my notes app during class while procrastinating working on the first draft. tbh i still count the poem as having worked towards the first draft, because it really helped me understand the piece and learn how to navigate it. this short entry is probably in my top three lines out of the entire piece because of how hard it hits when i reread.
both drafts of âgirlhoodâ hold so much of me in them, and iâm endlessly proud of this piece as a whole. the second draft, while painful and oftentimes annoying to write, really helped me deal with and understand the harassment that i faced inside (and because of) a class that i originally loved and felt very safe in.
âgirlhoodâ doesnât contain universal experiences of girlhood, and thatâs not something iâll ever claim to write about/understand, but if youâre also a queer person of faith who doesnât identify with a certain denomination that traumatized you as a child, i think drafts one & two of girlhood might interest you.
xx livvy
(pls cut me some slack as i continue to write these little analyses, i am so very unused to writing about my own writing and have no concept of self lmao)
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Masks
Sorry for posting this so close to the end of the deadline, but this turned out to be harder than I thought and I had rewritten this story four times already orz in the end I chose this version because this is the best one (I think) and itâs already 5 a.m. in the morning, my sense of judgement and life choices are really not working right now. This is my gift for @ladytective and thank you to @dazatsu-exchange for creating this event.
Prompts used : undercover mission, romantic tension, (spontaneous) love confessions. Turns out it was hard to create a one-shot for undercover mission and I tried really hard for the other two prompts but if I fail please forgive me...
Trigger warnings : mentions of human trafficking, sex slavery, drugs, and degrading words. No characters are harmed from all of the warnings (except the last warning), but they are mentioned quite a lot in the middle of the story.
Word counts : 5638 words.
Rated : M (no graphic violence or sexual activity, just for the dark themes used)
Summary : The Agency got an anonymous request to stop an auction of orphaned children under the guise of masquerade party. Atsushi and Dazai disguised themselves as guests to collect the evidences. Which was bad for Atsushiâs heart, because 1) he is in love with his partner, 2) Dazai looked so unfairly handsome wearing those suits, and 3) Byakko stop trying to rip apart the guests!
Extravagant crystal chandeliers. Enormous ballroom with polished floor so shiny it hurt his eyes. Rows of buffet tables covered with spotless white cloths and the countless kinds of dishes with enticing aroma, depths of flavor he had never tasted before, and presented like art that he felt almost guilty eating them. Expensive dresses and suits worn by the guests, complimented with the beautiful jewelries glimmering with precious gems. Mysterious masquerade masks hid the identities of the everyone, giving a certain freedom with the anonymity. Atsushi felt almost underdressed with his black vest, dark grey button up shirt with the sleeves folded to his elbow, and a pair of black pants; despite it being the nicest thing Atsushi had ever worn in his life. The grandiose party truly looked like a scene out of a fairy tale book came alive.
Yet it only dug further in his mind that he did not fit in among all the glitters and glory.
âChin up, Atsushi-kun.â Atsushi flinched when he heard a familiar voice whispered closely to his ear. âRemember your mission.â
The arm he clung into tightly ever since they stepped out of the car resonated with strength that he desperately needed. Dazaiâs voice reminded him of the reason they were here and the focus coaxed the scared cub into the predator it should be. He clung tighter to Dazaiâs arm for a second before letting out a subtle sigh, letting out his tension with it. Atsushi stood straighter and relaxed his gait so he could match Dazaiâs confident and calm gait. His hold on Dazaiâs arm loosened, but he still kept his hands there. It was part of their disguise after all, more so than the masks on their face.
Atsushi got a bone white mask with protrusion above the eyes that looked almost like cat ears and dark glittered paint as his stripes. Dazai got a mask that only covered mostly the left side of his face, with white paint rippled out to the dark base of the mask. Dazai himself wear a formal clothing, a black suit, dark green vest with black vertical stripes, and a pair of black pants. Unlike Atsushi, Dazai was wearing white gloves that covered his palms up until it met with the bandages hidden by the sleeves of Dazaiâs suit. For tonight, he had combed the left part of his bangs back, showing the enticing lines of Dazaiâs ear, his jaw, and a bit of skin of his neck that wasnât covered by the bandages.
âAtsushi-kun, I know you are nervous, but if you keep staring at me like that I will blush.â Dazai glanced at him from the corner of his eyes and Atsushi was the one who blushed instead at being caught red handed.
âI-Iâm sorry! I-itâs just weird seeing you without your usual clothing. You looked very handsome toââ Atsushi bit his tongue before he could splutter another embarrassing things. He was sure that even with the mask, everyone could notice that he was blushing.
âThat means Naomi-chan did a good job.â Atsushi had to wonder if Tanizakiâs sister still held a grudge against him because there was no way Atsushiâs heart would survive tonight with how it kept doing flip flop whenever he saw Dazai. âYou also look truly adorable tonight, Atsushi-kun.â
Where was a hole to swallow him up when he needed it the most? Atsushi kept his eyes at the polished floor but it wouldnât open up and save him from this mortification already. âDonât tease me, Dazai-san.â It said much about the state of his lovesickness that he was flattered to be called cute. He shouldnât feel like he could fly, he was a tiger and not a bird.
âIâm not lying, Atsushi-kun.â Atsushi felt a gloved fingers tilted his chin up so he would look Dazai in the eyes. âYou are so adorable that Iâm having a trouble focusing on the mission.â
Atsushiâs heart beat loudly against his ribcage that it was a wonder how the whole ballroom guests could not hear it. It was certainly the only thing he could hear, deafening the beautiful music by the orchestra on the background. âDonât get your hopes up. He is just having trouble focusing on the mission because he was never serious until it got dangerous. Get your head out of gutter Atsushi. Byakko where are you please bite meââ
But his pleas went unheard by the beast lingering on the back of his mind. In fact, he was certain Byakko just scoffed at him and flicked itâs tail from impatience. The traitor.
âHis face is too close what should I doââ it should be illegal for a personâs eyes to be this pretty. Atsushi was utterly mesmerized and stood there frozen like a deer in headlights. Atsushiâs eyes not so subtly looked at Dazaiâs soft looking lips and he felt drawn inâ
âSTOP FLIRTING WITH EACH OTHER! You two are there for a mission!â Kunikidaâs voice bellowed like the anger of the heaven ready to smite them both where they were standing. Both Dazai and Atsushi winced as the loud voice was yelled directly to their ear through the skin colored earpiece that was hidden behind Atsushiâs and Dazaiâs long bangs. A loud crash followed Kunikidaâs angry tirade and the two of them winced again, though this time more subtly as to not attract attention.
âKunikida-san, what are you doing! They nearly kiâhmmphâ!â Thankfully, Naomiâs protest wasnât as loud because she wasnât the one holding the mic. Still Atsushi was really suspicious of what Naomi was going to say.
âNow, now, Naomi.â Atsushi could hear Tanizakiâs calming voice next. âThey are on a mission; it will be dangerous if they get sidetracked.â
âBut we are so close to being liberated from all the pining though.â Yosanoâs teasing voice came next. He didnât hear anything more from Kunikida, so Yosano must had taken over the mic by incapacitating the man. Atsushi just hoped Yosano didnât use her huge cleaver.
Kyoukaâs voice sounded serious unlike the others. âAtsushi, the target has appeared on the party.â
True to Kyoukaâs words, Atsushi sharp eyes caught their target on his sight. The man had a short blonde hair and green eyes, Taylor Campbell, a foreigner from America and also a prominent figure with seemingly endless wealth and connections. On the surface, he was coming here to hold an auction of rare collection items and masquerade party as charity for the orphans in Japan and attracting attention to the way the Japanese government had basically neglected them due to social pressure. Atsushi would be elated if that was truly the manâs intention, but an anonymous informant (along with Dazai and Ranpoâs confirmation) had spilled out the horrible secret; the party was actually a disguise for child slavery and illegal drugs auction.
Ranpo had said that they would held two different auctions on the party. First was the auction for rare artistic items as a cover for their illegal deeds, and the second was the auction that they targeted for. There should be a password and secret passage to the inner part of the mansion that they used for the party that wasnât recorded on the blueprint they got. Dazai and Atsushi was sent there to join the auction and collect the evidence, while Kyouka, Tanizaki, and Kenji infiltrated the building to assist the kidnapped children to escape with Kataiâs assistance with the cameras or other machineries. Yosano and Kunikida stayed in the car as backup, navigated the two team, and strike with the platoon of armed police when needed. Fukuzawa, Ranpo, and Naomi stayed behind on the Agency in case the mission failed and all of them were captured so they could get help.
Dazai followed Atsushiâs gaze and the corner of his lips curled up a bit. âTarget sighted. Beginning phase one for team A.â
Kyouka answered for the other team. She was appointed as the leader due to her innate skills and quick decision making. âRoger that. Team B is moving.â
Dazai fixed his black tie, the tie clip attached to it was actually a hidden camera that Katai had designed for this mission. âRemember what you have to do, Atsushi-kun?â
âAct cute and stay silent no matter what happened.â Kyouka or Kenji would fit more as a child purchased as sex slave, but Demon Snowâs ability to be intangible was proven to be more useful in the infiltration team. Kenji and Atsushi shared a lot of similarity with their Abilities, but in case they would be forced to partake some food to keep the conversation going, Atsushi was chosen as the actor instead despite his incapability to lie convincingly. Thankfully, Dazai assured him that he didnât need to speak at all and just leave everything to him. His job was in the end was just to support Dazaiâs lies and in case of emergency, became his bodyguard.
âGood. Also, please remember Atsushi-kunâŠâ Dazai patted Atsushiâs hands that had stayed on his arm the whole time. âI donât mean anything that I will say from the moment the act started.â
âDonât worry, Dazai-san.â Atsushi smiled brightly and without hesitation. âI know that despite your past, Dazai-san is a kind person now.â
Dazai smiled, a small but an honest one filled with fondness. âYou are probably the only one who said that.â Dazai pressed a button on his tie clip to activate the camera. âLetâs go Atsushi-kun.â
Atsushi followed Dazai closely by his side, remembering Dazaiâs words to dodge any eye contact with anyone and kept his eyes on their intertwined arms. He tried to remember how it was like when he was still in the orphanage and he instinctively curled his body to himself, appearing as small as possible with his posture slouched a bit and like a leaf clinging desperately to his âmasterâ. Dazai kept walking on without a care for Atsushiâs apparent discomfort, but Atsushi could hear a whispered humming from Dazai. Atsushi tried his hardest to fight a smile from appearing on his face, but his hand gently tightened on Dazaiâs arm for a second in thanks.
They kept the act subtle as to not attract a lot of attention, but just enough to attract the correct ones. Dazai mingled with the guests, and Atsushi acted to Dazaiâs subtle cues whether to act as a shy lover or obedient pet according to who they were talking with. The older man picked up small sample platters of food and feed Atsushi with his hand, which Atsushi had to obediently took despite his blushing face and how much he was dying inside from the way Dazaiâs fingers would lovingly swiped his lips or the corner of his mouth to clean the crumbs. He had to stealthily pinched Dazaiâs arm when it seemed that he was enjoying himself too much and had forgotten his task.
Atsushi listened intently at Dazaiâs conversation, especially whenever he had to act as obedient pet. Thanks to Dazaiâs silver tongue, the guests sang like canary. They proudly and not so subtly bragged that they were here to buy their new âexoticâ pets. It made Atsushi sick to his stomach whenever they praised Dazai for how well behaved his pet was, talking like he was just an animal without feelings. It was a familiar feeling that he had experienced a lot on the orphanage and hearing Dazai accepting their praise hurt him more than he had thought he would feel. He reminded himself harshly that Dazai was just acting, but it didnât help the way his heart sunk at every cruel words Dazai said.
âActually, I want a new one. This one I have is obedient and cute, but Iâm getting bored with it. I need a fresh one, one that will actually put up a fight and harder to break.â Dazaiâs voice was cheerful, like he was talking about a toy than a human being. âItâs really unfortunate that second hand pet doesnât really worth it to sell.â
âOh, beginners love second hand pets. Easier for them to learn how to take care of one and prepare them for their own pet later, I heard.â The woman with a really intricate mask painted in gold and black giggled. âNot to mention, yours is a really pretty one. I wouldnât mind taking him if you decided to pawn him off. His eyes are really lovely⊠if he died you should preserve them. Those can be displayed proudly as your collection, Tsushima-san.â The woman called Dazaiâs alias for this party, just like he was Tsushimaâs obedient âkittyâ.
Dazai smiled, his eyes gleaming with secrets. âHis eyes are not the only lovely thing about him. Iâm not telling you what else though.â
âOh, you are such a tease. Now Iâm really curious.â The woman giggled and to Atsushiâs shock, he felt foreign fingers clad in silk gloves tilting up his chin so he had to look at the woman in the eyes. Atsushi had to hold back his resonating fury with Byakko and showed fear instead.
âRemember the orphanage. Remember the orphanage. You are helpless and no one will help you. You donât have anyone by your side.â Atsushi had to chant his old self-deprecating thought in his mind to keep his temper down. Byakko growled angrily, fangs gleaming with fury to bite at the hand holding his chin. âDisgusting, disgusting, disgusting.â His thoughts became one with Byakko at the end and the only thing preventing the tiger from coming out and ripping the woman to shred is Dazaiâs Ability nullifying his own with their arms still intertwined.
âNo touching allowed until I lose my interest in him, my dear madam.â Dazaiâs hand gently grabbed her hand. With a quick flick of his hand, he bowed down and kissed the back of her palm like a gentleman. âBut we seem to have many similar interests, should we check the merchandise together? I am sure that a more experienced madam such as yourself can give me a pointer or two to get the best pet that will satisfy all of my needs.â
âMy, a flattery will get you nowhere.â Despite her words, the woman smiled just a touch wider than what was appropriate for a woman with proper etiquette like her. âBut your suggestion is a great one. Itâs been a while since I had a lively discussion about pets with another person of similar interests.â
Dazai patted Atsushiâs hands and he let go. He watched as Dazai offered his arm to the woman instead. âShall we?â the woman smiled and took Atsushiâs place, chatting amiably with Dazai as Atsushi followed behind them as expected of him.
He waited until he felt no eyes on him and whispered under his breath, keeping his voice steady and his emotions down. âCalm down, Byakko.â âWe got our lead to the second auction.â
âHave Dazai acquired the password?â Kunikida asked worriedly. âKyouka, do you hear anything about it?â
âNone.â Kyouka answered. âDemon Snow found a hidden passage that we can get into from our side. Katai is controlling the cameras as we speak.â
âI havenât heard anyone mentioning the password but I think Dazai-san is getting them from our guide.â True to Atsushiâs suspicion, Dazai leaned down just enough so the woman could whisper something to him. âI think he got it.â
âGood. Inform us if anything happens.â Kunikida ended the conversation.
Byakko was still growling on the back of his mind, but it relented and let Atsushi took the reins. He took a deep breath and released it, keeping pace with the two people in front of him. He wanted to be done with the mission already.
Atsushi thought he had seen how despicable human could be, but as he watched from his kneeling position by Dazaiâs feet as children being dragged with collars around their neck to the stage where people could observe and auction them was an unwanted woke up call that he had barely scrapped the surface with his work as the Agency members. Only Dazaiâs hand on his head, patting him absentmindedly to other people but more for Atsushiâs sake to seal Byakko and to comfort him, was the only thing that held him back.
He had to believe that Kyouka and the others would save the children. He had to do his part. Atsushi closed his eyes, unable to see the anguished expression of the children any longer. Yet he could still hear their cries, no matter how quiet they were due to the unavoidable defeat that stared them in the eyes. Their desperation and resignation reminded Atsushi of his own past and his heart cried out for his kin.
âI wonât suggest that one, Tsushima-san. That is the looks of someone who will die soon.â The woman remarked as she watched the current auction, a boy with light brown hair and pale complexion. âHe wonât put up much of a fight at all. He will probably only live for a year or two at most.â
âThat wonât do. I prefer a long investment.â The woman chuckled at Dazaiâs grim joke.
âOh, what about that one? That girlâs eyes are still burning bright. She will be a tough one to break.â The woman pointed to a teenage girl escorted to the stage by a man with full face mask that the host wore. âShe is quite pretty too, Iâm sure she will grow up nicely.â
Atsushi heard a static from his earpiece and looked up to the stage. He felt Dazaiâs fingers twitched on his head but he didnât show any other reactions other than agreeing to the woman. âShe sure is.â
âAll targets secured. Beginning phase three.â Kataiâs voice rang out loud and clear. âTeam A, find Campbell as Team B create a distraction.â
Suddenly, a blackout left the stage completely dark. The guests all gasped and started to chatter worriedly. Atsushi felt Dazaiâs hand left his head, his signal for him to go. Atsushi called for Byakko and the tiger responded eagerly. His eyes shone bright in the darkness, Byakkoâs sight wasnât hindered by the lack of light at all. He saw Campbell leaving through the side door, the man probably realizing that something had went amiss. Atsushi apologized to Naomi in his mind for shredding the clothing she had bought, but he didnât exactly had time to roll up his pants. With loud sounds of his pants being ripped apart as his legs transformed into Byakkoâs, Atsushi leaped, leaving behind cracks on the floor from his sheer strength. Under the veil of darkness, Atsushi easily covered the distance between him and Campbell in mere seconds. Unfortunately, Campbellâs bodyguard noticed him and started opening fire from their submachine guns. Atsushi protected his face with his tiger arms and curled his body into tight ball so most of the bullets ricocheted off his tough tiger hide.
âDemon Snow!â
âLight Snow!â
A phantasm shaped like a woman with long white hair flew past him and slices through their guns with her blade. Green colored snows started to fall on the guests, trapping them all in illusions.
âGo, Atsushi!â He could hear Kyoukaâs voice both from his earpiece and from the stage where she threw away her disguise along with Tanizaki. âWe will keep them all contained here as Kunikida directed the police to this place, catch Campbell!â
Atsushi nodded before he remembered that Kyouka couldnât see him. âGot it!â his sense of scent wasnât the best, but Byakkoâs whole focus was hounding after the man. He was just about to chase after the man but Dazaiâs voice stopped him.
âWait, Atsushi-kun.â Dazai, unhindered by Light Snow and had his eyes gotten used to the darkness, approached Atsushi quickly. âI will go with you.â
âWhy? I can catch Campbell on my own easily.â Campbell was not an Ability user and Ranpo had said that they didnât have to worry about any Ability user opponents, although he didnât specify why.
âItâs not Campbell I was worried about.â Dazai smiled mysteriously. âYou will see.â
âWhy are you here!?â Atsushi had gotten a really bad feeling when he was chasing down Campbell. Lo and behold, his greatest nemesis was standing there with his hand covering his mouth looking absolutely livid at seeing him too.
âGood job at catching him, Akutagawa-kun.â Dazai held the collar of Atsushiâs shirt before the two cat and dog enemies starting tearing at each other. âMori-san is the one who leaked the information to the Agency, isnât he.â
âMori-san said that it will be a great opportunity to give more work for the Agency and also teach the foolish foreigners for trying to hold a business without consulting the locals first.â Akutagawa reported calmly, but Atsushi could see the way his whole being vibrated from being praised by Dazai. âSince you caught up to me before I can kill him, you are free to take him from my hands. Thatâs Mori-sanâs order.â Akutagawa retracted his Rashomon from where it was stabbed to the ground around Campbell like a cage. Campbell had fainted from fear and Atsushi wrinkled his nose as he smelt the unpleasant stink of ammonia. Akutagawa bowed briefly to Dazai and glared venomously at Atsushi for the last time before leaving, Higuchi waiting nearby with a car.
âMore diplomatic works for the Agency, huh.â Dazai sighed forlornly. âIt seems we will have a few days of unpaid all-nighter, Atsushi-kun.â
âItâs like usual then.â Atsushi laughed, his whole irritation melted away as he could no longer sense Akutagawa. âI wonât do your report this time though, you should do your own report sometimes Dazai-san.â
Dazai gasped in mock offense. âHow could you Atsushi-kun? I was just trying to teach you how to do your reports! Ugh, to be accused like this by my own juniorâŠâ
Atsushi ignored Dazaiâs whining and grabbed Campbellâs shirt and started dragging him back inside where his sharp ears could hear the loud sounds of battle happening. He didnât worry too much since Kyouka and the others hadnât asked for a backup, but he picked up his pace just in case. Dazai quietly followed behind him, not commenting how Atsushi dragged the still unconscious man like a sad sack of trash.
Atsushi admitted that he was being petty, but he was forced to relief some really bad memories due to this mission. The man wasnât even conscious to feel the carpet burn, so Atsushi didnât feel that guilty.
Atsushi sighed in exhaustion as he sat on the ground of the small backyard of his dorm. Kyouka had gone to accompany the still shaken children as some of them had looked at her as if she was a hero. The young girl was absolutely flustered, but she took the role seriously and stayed behind with the children as the police processed the documents so they could go home, or help finding new homes for them. His shared dorm with Kyouka felt too stifling with just him alone, so he decided to take a walk to spend his restless energy.
The moon looked really beautiful tonight. Back in the orphanage and when he was still a homeless orphan, the full moon had always scared him because of his instinctive fear of his uncontrollable Ability. Now that he had a symbiotic relationship with Byakko, his fear was replaced with comfort as Byakkoâs power peaked on full moon. But it also made him too restless to sleep the night away unless he was dead tired or heavily injured.
Suddenly, Byakkoâs senses alerted him that he was not alone. Atsushi was about to stand up and faced the newcomer when a familiar voice calmed him down.
âCanât sleep, Atsushi-kun?â Dazai approached him and sat on the ground by his side. Atsushi noticed that just like him, Dazai had changed to his usual clothing. While Dazai had looked absolutely breath taking wearing the suits, but Atsushi preferred him this way. There was a softness to this costume that made him more approachable and calming.
Beside, his heart was always beating loudly no matter what Dazai worn.
Atsushi nodded, his chest felt warm and light. âIâm not that tired from tonightâs mission, so Byakko is not satisfied yet.â
âHe is one energetic kitty, isnât he?â Atsushi couldnât quite hide the flinch from hearing that nickname. Dazai had teased him many times by calling him that before, but tonight was the first time he had used it in such degrading manner. He was the one who suggested the nickname, thinking that it wouldnât affect them like this. He was starting to regret that decision.
Dazai must had noticed, because his eyes softened as he looked at Atsushi. âIâm sorry for saying many degrading things about you tonight.â
âItâs for the mission, so itâs okay.â Atsushi laughed awkwardly, couldnât quite meeting Dazaiâs eyes. âItâs stupid for me to feel this way.â
âItâs not stupid to feel hurt, Atsushi-kun.â Dazai held Atsushiâs hand in his own. âEven if those words are just lies, they still hurt you badly. You are shaking when I was talking to that woman, Atsushi-kun.â
Atsushi blinked, looking up to meet Dazaiâs warm eyes. âWas I?â
Dazai nodded. âEspecially when she held your chin. I felt Byakkoâs rage from being contained by my Ability.â
Atsushi remembered Byakko being vicious with his thought of ripping the woman to shreds, but he didnât realize that it had bled through to him. It was really fortunate that Dazai stepped in and get the womanâs fingers off him before he could do anything drastic. âIâm sorry, I couldnât keep up the act.â
âYou did well, Atsushi-kun. You donât have to be sorry.â Dazai caressed Atsushiâs hair gently. âYou stayed silent and obedient the whole time. You didnât expect to be touched by anyone.â
Atsushi sighed. He really hadnât expected to be touched at all. If it was just words, Atsushi could tune them out of his mind. But being touched, especially when it was so unwanted and feared, sent him back to the time when he was in the orphanage. Byakko had responded to that familiar fear by attacking back without mercy. The days of the orphanage was behind him, but sometimes it came back to haunt his present life.
âAre you scared of me, Atsushi-kun?â Dazai asked with a small voice. âWhat you have witnessed tonight is my past. I used to be able to talk about other peopleâs life that way, uncaring and uninterested. I canât say much have changed of me, but please remember that you are important to me. You are not someone I can throw aside.â
Atsushi looked up at Dazai in surprise. He had to admit the way Dazai could so casually reverted back to his old self back in the mafia scared him a little, but to actually hear that Dazai held him so highly calmed down that fear. That caution was still there, mostly it was Byakkoâs natural instinct to protect both of them, but Atsushi could confidently take Dazaiâs hands in his and smile genuinely. âThank you, Dazai-san. I admit I was a bit scared, but I also know that you wonât treat me or anyone else in the Agency like that. You like us all, so to you we are precious.â
Atsushi knew that Dazai would work his hardest to protect them all. As long as Dazai was there, everything would be alright. âItâs true that I felt hurt hearing your words, but the hurt will heal since I know that you donât mean anything you said. Iâm not angry at you or hate you, Dazai-san.â
Dazai sighed fondly. âYou are really too good for me, Atsushi-kun. I wonder how you could keep forgiving me.â
âWell, you usually have a good reason why you do the things you did. So as long as I knew the reason why, itâs easier for me to forgive you.â Like when Dazai had asked him to infiltrate Moby Dick despite the risks, and many other times he didnât want to think about now. âNot to mention Iâm a lovesick idiot who couldnât stay mad at you for too longâŠâ
âEh?â Dazaiâs eyes widened and it took a few moments before Atsushi realized what he had said and slapped his hand to his mouth.
âNothing!â Atsushi almost yelled before he remembered that most people were asleep at this hour and lowered his volume to almost whisper. âPlease forget everything that happened for the last minute. No, for the last fifteen seconds! IâI almost forgot that I left my phone at the Agency and I should get it tonight in case Kyouka-chan needs my assistance! Good night, Dazai-san!â
He almost begged for Byakko to lend him his power so he could transform his legs and get him out of there, but Dazaiâs hand had grabbed his and Dazaiâs nullification sealed that wishful thinking away.
âAtsushi, could you please repeat what you said?â Dazaiâs held his hand with a vice like grip. Without Byakkoâs strength, his own normal human strength found it hard to pull his hand away without making fun of himself. Or dislocated his shoulder.
âI asked you to forget it not to ask me to repeat it!â Atsushi cried out futilely, keeping his body turned away from Dazai so he didnât have to see him. âItâs just my stupid unfiltered mouth revealing something that should be kept in secret forever!â
âSo itâs true.â Dazaiâs voice sounded⊠hopeful? Atsushi froze when his confused mind couldnât find the disgust or rejection like he had expected. âI know that Ranpo-san had blatantly said to my face that I was blind, but I didnât expect for you to return my feelings.â
âHuh?â Atsushi looked behind him fearfully. âYour⊠feelings?â
Dazai laughed, part relief and part amusement as he stood up as well. Atsushi cursed the height difference between them because now he had to look up and it was unfair how beautiful Dazai looked with moonlight behind him like a silver halo. The older man leaned his head to Atsushiâs, making the boyâs cheeks reddened like a ripe apple from how close their face was.
âI love you, Atsushi-kun. Has been for quite some time, actually.â Dazai smiled softly, his words sounded breathless like he was forcing the words out before it could disappear along with his courage. âI have noticed that you never rejected my flirting, but I hadnât thought that it was possible for you to hold the same feelings.â
Atsushiâs eyes widened. Well, the two of them had the same thought then. âSo do I.â Atsushi closed his eyes, feeling too overwhelmed to hold eye contact with Dazai. âI have been in love with you for⊠I donât really know since when, probably since the beginning. I admired you a lot and it started as a hero crush, but then one day I realized that a simple crush is not enough for what Iâve been feeling for you lately.â
Dazai laughed, the sound warmed Atsushiâs heart from how rare it was. âNo wonder the others are so annoyed at both of us. We have been so blind.â
Maybe one day Atsushi would tell Dazai that Byakko was getting really impatient too. âThey do say that love is blind.â The fact that his love was not only accepted but returned too had slowly seeped through his brain and his heart soared. He felt so giddy that only Dazaiâs hold on him anchored him down to earth. âI donât think I will be able to sleep tonight.â
âHmmâŠâ being this close to Dazai, Atsushi could almost hear the gears in his brain running. âSay, Atsushi-kun⊠we ended up never danced at all at the party, right?â
âI donât think Kunikida-san is going to let us dance at the party. Not to mention I have never learned how to dance either, so I would step all over your toes.â Besides, it would be really uncomfortable for him to dance in the center of so many people. He would freeze up with countless eyes staring at him, judging him from behind the safety of the masks.
âNo worries, I canât dance too.â Dazai lifted his head and Atsushi missed the warmth already. But Dazai took his hands and shifted them to the position of what Atsushi had learnt as waltz from the many books he had read. âWe can step on each other toes and laugh about it.â
Dazai started to sway their bodies together and Atsushi yelped as he had troubles keeping up. âWe donât even have music!â
âThen I will sing.â Dazai winced when Atsushi stepped on his toes. âMaybe we should just use our phone for music then. Turn up the volume full blast!â
âPeople are sleeping Dazai-san!â Atsushi laughed when he felt Dazaiâs foot stepped over his. They would probably end up with bruised toes in the morning.
The two of them continue to dance. It was a chaotic dance; both of them stumbled over their steps and couldnât even count how many times their toes were sacrificed. The only light they had was the bright moonlight that shone on the two of them. The only music they danced to was the breathless laughter from the two of them. They would probably share bowls of ochazukes after their legs turned to jelly and they were too tired to cook anything else. Both of them didnât wear any expensive suits or jewelry, just their usual everyday clothes that had become so familiar with each other. There were no masks between them, both of their hearts longing to see and reached out for the person in front of them.
It was a dance for the two of them, witnessed only by the moon high up in the sky.
#dazatsu#my fic#dazatsuexchange2019#tw : human trafficking#tw : sex slaves#the first time I used warning tags ahoy#remember people it's a bad decision to write at night#don't be like me and write until five in the morning#I have seen angels crying from my bad life decision#well I did have written this from two weeks ago#but my perfectionist nature hated all three story that I have written#so I decided that this will be the last#I'm still not satisfied#but my brain is tired#my soul is leaving my body#so here it is#on the other hand#I have this unused drafts that I will probably rewrite#undercover dazatsu fics here we go
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OC-Tober 2021, Day 5: "Throne"
OC/WIP: Tristan and friends from "Old Fantasy Novel Series That I Haven't Gotten Around to Renaming Yet"
Strap in, because I'm about to bare the stupidity of my teenage years.
So, around age fourteen, I started working on a series of fantasy novels. (Heck, I even wrote them out! Then tried to rewrite them, rework them, etc.) It was about a kid named Tristan, who lives with an abusive foster family and knows nothing of his birth parents. He's sucked into a magical world that's currently in a state of civil war, ever since the king's evil brother killed him, his wife and infant son. The weird magical medallion that Tristan has always had turns out to be a magical relic of this royal family, and will occasionally do Deus Ex Machina things, even though nobody except the true King of Fantasy Land should be able to use it. He also discovers and is able to use the royal family's magical sword, which is also supposed to be unusable to anyone but the true king.
Now...hold on, you're not gonna believe it...it turns out that Tristan is actually that infant prince who everyone thought was dead! Yeah, I know! Who could have seen that coming? Obviously nobody, until it was dramatically revealed at the end of the sixth book. I did plant some subtle clues though, like Tristan looking exactly like the dead king's portrait.
You can perhaps understand why, upon reaching adulthood, I decided to pursue other projects and put this one on indefinite hiatus.
But these characters still live rent-free in my brain, and every so often I think of how I might revive this into something not only readable, but maybe even decent and not the most obvious trash heap of clichés ever. So here's a brief summary of Tristan and his group of companions and vague ideas of what they'd be like in the revised version.
MAIN CHARACTERS
Tristan: The old Tristan was your "vaguely geeky and unpopular, mostly generic kid" sort of character; since he was supposed to eventually become a king, I did try to make him a good leader of his little group, mostly in the sense of being the diplomatic one when they fought. In the new version I want to both up his geekiness but also his charm, so we see that he's really popular at school and has a lot of friends.
One change that I think could be interesting is that Tristan also came to our world when he was a toddler rather than an infant; as such, he actually remembers the murder of his birth family, if only in vague and terrifying terms. Nobody knows his origin, but he's been in therapy long enough to believe that the "monsters" he remembers were surely ho-hum human murderers distorted by trauma, and anything that sounds like a castle or magic are also probably imaginary. He really, really would prefer to believe that, but the plot isn't going to let him.
When he finally winds up in Fantasy World The Name of Which I Need to Change, he is decidedly not going to want to take the throne. Whether or not he does anyway is undecided at this point.
Erasmus: Tristan's foster/adoptive brother (biological cousin in the old version), of approximately the same age. Timid and shy, he's both very close to Tristan and maybe a bit resentful at how much more outgoing and popular he is. There's a bit of irony there: Tristan comes off as happy and well-adjusted to most people, but "Raz" knows that Tristan also has a mysterious, traumatic past, which also means that Tristan can be at least a little vulnerable around him.
I think he's an albino, for reasons that relate the old version but I don't even want to get into right now. And hey, disability rep.
E(d)ric: In the new version he's probably, like...a football player or something? He's supposed to be a big guy and the best "normal" fighter. He's reserved and grouchy but extremely loyal to people he cares about. Reading this over, I feel like I need something to make him more interesting.
Cynthia: Hmm...in the old version she was a witch, but since I'm reimagining all of the main characters as being from our world, I'm not sure how that would carry over. Maybe she gains/has magic in the fantasy world for some reason? She's tough, sarcastic and smart. Erasmus has a crush on her. I swear she wasn't the only female character in the old version, but apparently she was the only one important enough for me to list here.
Pythian the magical snake, Bast(et?) the cat, That Baby Hippogriff Whose Name I Don't Even Remember: There were way too many team pets in the old version.
OTHERS
The Guide: Merlin knockoff. Actually, I think in my earliest draft he was Merlin, somehow, and I don't even know how fourteen-year-old me justified that. He may have been the one who sent Tristan to our world, but then stayed in Fantasy World to help fight the villains. Maybe he's more involved here? Hmm.
Jay: He was Tristan's younger foster brother in the old version (so his and Erasmus' here?), who witnessed him getting sucked into Fantasy World and wanted to figure out what the frick happened to him. I think that concept is interesting, but I'm not sure where it goes, exactly.
Connor: E(d)ric's younger brother. Looking back, pretty much everything I had planned for him in the old version was stupid or would work better for other characters. Not sure what to do with you, Connor. Maybe he's Jay's friend.
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uncertainty - in this life and the next chap. 8
navi/masterlist
story masterlist
pairing: mingi x reader
genre: angst, some fluff; soulmates & reincarnation au
word count: 4.4k
warnings: insecurities, guilt, grief
when thereâs new feelings and new fears, new uncertainties follow
the next morning your entire body hurt still, and you groaned and whined as soon as you woke up, shifting in mingiâs arms to find some kind of position that would be more comfortable. it was like a severe sunburn, you wanted to shed your skin, you wanted a new body, and you most of all didnât want to be in pain.
âyouâre up? how do you feel?â, you heard the man mumble into your neck before he sat up a little, looking at your face - which was still about as much of you as he was able to see - for signs of your condition having gotten worse. it hadnât, but you didnât look much better, either. the skin was a pinkish hue now, no longer bright red, but he could tell you were still in pain, and he hated that, in some way, he was the cause for this.
âit hurtsâ, an obvious answer, but you couldnât think of much more to reply. you were in pain, you didnât exactly feel much more.
âi knowâ, he told you calmly, though he wanted to cry at the thought of how much pain you must be in and that, in part, it was his fault, his fault for upsetting you with the soulmate thing and for not taking care of you and for not checking up on you earlier. and because he felt responsible and also because he wanted you to be okay he told you to get up, that heâd take care of you now, asking you if you wanted him to apply the lotion in the bathroom or here in the bedroom so youâd have to move less.
âhereâ, not wanting to move more than absolutely necessary, and he nodded. âiâll be back soon, just wait hereâ, leaving to get the soothing lotion, and first now did you realise that he was going to put lotion on you, and first now did you realise you were only wearing his t-shirt, because getting decently dressed hadnât been either of youâs priority the night before. you got flustered about this, not wanting to sit there butt naked when he was going to take care of you, even though he hadnât cared last night. but then again youâd been in an incredibly sorry state and he might not even have registered, something you didnât want to count on today.
âmingiâ, you called out for him, voice still a little whiny from the pain any kind of moving caused, and his head immediately appeared in the door, seemingly having rushed back from the bathroom as soon as heâd heard you.
âwhatâs wrong?â
âiâm not wearing⊠iâm just wearing the shirt.â
now he realised, and it left him a little embarrassed, too.
âhold on, maybe i have somethingâ, moving to her part of the closet because underwear was most definitely something youâd have to get from her, and he was delighted to find that there was a set of three panties that still had the tag, so they were most likely still entirely unused, something both he and you would prefer.
âi donât know your size but hopefully these fitâ, throwing them in your direction and grabbing some clothes for himself as he left you alone to get a little more dressed.
they were just a little bit too big, but not to a bothersome degree, and you felt much better now you were at least a little covered. you wouldnât have been able to sit casually next to him after having realised that you were pretty much naked, and you were glad he was getting dressed, too.
âcan i come in?â
âyeahâ, and the brunette appeared just a second after, now entirely dressed and with some lotion and both a dry and a wet washcloth in hand.
âiâll cool it a little first, okay? then dry it and then put the lotion so it wonât get too bad. youâll have to take off your shirt for that, is that okay? i promise i wonât stare.â
as if there was anything to see.
âokayâ, groaning as you moved because taking off a shirt required a lot more movement than youâd been aware of before every single movement hurt, and he was glad you werenât looking because his face turned into a pained grimace for a second as he realised just how bad your burns must have been, even though they didnât look bad enough for you to need medical attention.
âlet me know if it hurts too badâ, starting to rub the wet washcloth along your back, to your arms and back up, your neck, over your chest to your legs, and while you flinched the cold was actually nice and somewhat soothing, and then he dried off any water that he might have left on you before he started to put the lotion on your body, the same way heâd cooled you with the washcloth, carefully and slowly to make sure you werenât in pain.
âput on the shirt yourself or i do it?â, and because you had lost some of your shame and were in pain you let him do it, and of course he did, babying you as you deserved.
âdo you want to talk now or do you want to sleep some more?â, seeing on the clock that it was seven in the morning, but youâd gone to bed around seven or seven thirty last night so you might not be tired anymore.
âweâll have to sooner or later anywayâ, you told him as you let yourself sink back into the pillow slowly, pulling the blanket back up.
âyeah. can i sit here or do you want me to sit on the chair?â
mingi was being so considerate and you sighed, though not entirely sure about which emotion had caused the sigh.
âhere.â
he sat down on the bed next to your legs, looking at you fondly as your eyes wandered across the room because you were in pain and you were nervous and you didnât want to look at him when he might be about to hurt you again.
âiâm sorry you didnât find out from meâ, he started, then stopped, unsure of how to continue, unsure what the best way to continue would be.
âwhyâd you not say anything?â
you still werenât looking at him, but it was okay. where it brought him some feeling of security to be able to see your reactions it probably would be worse for you if youâd see anything in his face that youâd misinterpret or that he misexpressed.
âas yunho said, i didnât want to fuck up again. i donât want you to think iâm just talking to you because of that, or that that is why iâm taking care of you now, for that matter. i donât want you to think itâs the most important thing for me. i canât ignore it, of course, but i wanted to not let it affect anything until you knew i care about you and not just about that. i didnât even realise your mark was going to disappear, i just wanted to comfort you.â
âokayâ, trying to think of what to reply, but he continued already.
âyou were so hurt by your parentsâ behaviour, i didnât want to hurt you even more. especially when itâd be for nothing. it wouldnât make a difference for you, so why mention it right away? it doesnât matter, and it shouldnât matter to me, either.â
âhmâ, acknowledging what he said while your thoughts were running wild, before you finally dared to look at him as you spoke.
âi donât want things to be staged. i donât know how it works, i donât remember if i ever did know, so i just⊠i imagine it kind of like, i canât control anything. everythingâs already planned out, i can just play along and itâs going to happen sooner or later anyway. i donât want to be controlled by someone else again, i donât want to be controlled at all. iâm scared i wonât have any choice.â
those words were so honest and vulnerable that he wanted to hug you more than anything, wanted to comfort you, but he wasnât sure if he could, if youâd let him.
âdo you want to know how it worked for me? if you donât thatâs okay, you donât have to, but maybe it would be less scary. itâs not staged, at least, that much i can promise. you still have a choice, about whatever you do.â
you werenât sure what to say, uncertain if youâd want to hear his stories or if itâd only hurt you more.
âi donât know.â
he hummed in acknowledgment, biting his lip as he thought about what to do.
âyouâre scared?â
you nodded, even though it hurt your skin.
âi can tell you, and you just interrupt if you want me to shut up. would that be okay?â
you werenât sure if you wanted to hear anything at all, but maybe it would help with the fear that was still making you feel bad, like at least part of your life was predetermined and you wouldnât be able to do anything about it. you didnât really have anything to lose, so you nodded again.
âokay. iâve been thinking, and i remembered how you knew my name right away. and then i realised that iâve felt a little⊠odd around you right from the start, but i obviously couldnât place it, but thatâs something that happens. feeling different even when you donât know the person yet, and wanting to spend time with them. things are different, but that doesnât mean itâs a shortcut to a relationship or anything, you know? or that youâd have to be with me or that iâm the only choice youâll ever have. i know people whoâve been with others and have been really happy and never even looked for their soulmate because it didnât matter to them anymore. itâs not predestined the way it probably sounds. for me, it kind of gave me a feeling of âfinally, i know who i belong with nowâ, but then it got weird when you came in. i think itâs an individual thing, just like everyoneâs an individual. of course itâs going to be different. you can make a choice, and that choice doesnât have to be me, and itâs not like youâll⊠i donât know, upset fate or whatever. fate is more like a rough draft, but if you decide you donât like it you can rewrite it all over.â
you looked at him with big, curious eyes, taking in every word heâd said.
âi get to choose? i could be with anyone at all?â, and he nodded even though he felt a tight knot in his chest because it sounded like youâd rather choose someone else.
âof course not if they donât want to, but thatâs a given. itâs your choice, yours and theirs, so if you want to ignore the soulmate thing no oneâs going to stop you or be mad or anything.â
âokay. thank you.â
mingi was glad that you sounded relieved because it meant you were less worried, but part of him worried about how relieved you sounded. if youâd really rather be with yunho itâd be him who got his heart broken this time, but that wasnât what you were thinking at all. you were just glad that he wasnât in a way forced to like you, and that you werenât forced to like him, either. that the two of you could still make choices. you never wanted to be someoneâs only option, you wanted to be someoneâs only choice. you didnât think youâd be able to handle it if you constantly had to worry about the feelings you and the person you were with being forced, not being genuine, being there because some higher force didnât leave you any other choice.
âitâs no problem. are you hungry? you havenât eaten in ages.â
neither had he, which was how heâd even come to realise it, but he imagined you might feel worse, low on energy from crying and being in pain.
âa little.â
a massive understatement, but you didnât exactly want to tell him that you were starving. you just wanted to eat a little, wanted a normal morning, wanted to be okay and to pretend that nothing odd had happened. wanted to pretend you were just with a friend getting breakfast for no reason other than that you wanted to. you wanted to pretend the previous day hadnât happened at all, wanted to forget all about it.
âiâll make us something. if you want to join me in the kitchen you can either borrow a pair of my sweatpants or iâll get you a quilt so you wonât get cold.â
mingi was still kind of babying you, but you were also still kind of upset and definitely still in pain, so you didnât complain about it. it was nice, having him take care of you. it made you feel cared about.
âpants might be better for eating, i donât know?â
he got up and moved to the closet, getting out a random pair of sweatpants for you and throwing it your way before he left to the kitchen to start preparing breakfast. you took the chance to text yunho, whom youâd ignored and who seemed really worried, apologising for your lack of reply.
[yunho]: i swear if mingi fucked up AGAIN
he was most definitely protective over you, something you appreciated but that also made you feel a little guilty because you wouldnât be able to reciprocate.
[y/n]: i think if anything i did, but were fine
[y/n]: i was overwhelmed but i slept and now its a little better
[y/n]: but yunho⊠youâre really nice, you know i really like you, but you were right when you said i care about mingi. iâm sorry, but itâs fair to tell you
his reply took just a moment longer than he usually took to reply, leaving you scared youâd hurt him, but he didnât seem upset.
[yunho]: i know, dont worry about it. thats why i told you - he cares about you too but thinks hes not good enough
[yunho]: just try to make each other happy so i wont have to beat any asses
you smiled at that, knowing that he really cared about both you and mingi, grateful to have such a good friend.
[y/n]: ill try to be nice
[y/n]: thank you
then you joined mingi in the kitchen, sitting down at the table and cursing yourself for having been so stupid yesterday because a hard surface hurt your skin even more than the soft bed.
âiâm making some pancakes, i hope thatâs okay. theyâre not pretty either.â
âthatâs fine. as long as theyâre edibleâ, smiling at him even though he didnât see it, focusing on the pan because he didnât want to ruin your breakfast.
âno promises, but iâm trying.â
he was smiling, too, you could hear it in his voice, and you were glad that things seemed a little more normal again. you didnât want to be awkward around him, you didnât want your friendship ruined again, though this time for another reason, you just wanted to enjoy not being alone.
âi let yunho know iâm still alive and so are youâ, you told mingi a little later, when the first few pancakes were piled up on a plate, to which he hummed in acknowledgment.
âiâll message him later, as well. let him know iâm not angry, i bet he thinks i might be.â
you could imagine that, too, because he obviously hadnât checked in with his friend before heâd sent those messages and it wouldnât be weird if mingi would actually be angry, even though it didnât seem like he was.
âletâs eat now.â
you did, eating the surprisingly good pancakes and drinking some chocolate milk because if he was going to treat you like a baby you might as well get chocolate milk like a baby, mainly remaining silent, except for you complimenting his pancake skills.
âiâm glad you like themâ, smiling at you awkwardly, âso you wonât have to keep being hungry.â
âiâm good, thank youâ, smiling back at him while you thought about yunhoâs words. he knew mingi better than you, he did definitely still spend more time with him than you and heâd known him for much longer, so he probably knew better, and the brunette had told you that he cared about you. still, you werenât sure what to do, werenât sure how to go about things, and you just wished life would make a decision easier for you. wished that you didnât know anything about soulmates and whatever else there was, because you just wanted things to be completely unaffected by anything that wasnât your, or in this case also his, feelings.
âwhat are you thinking about?â
your smile had apparently faded and heâd noticed, still worrying about your breakdown yesterday, so he wanted to make sure you were okay before youâd sooner or later have to go back home.
âiâm just still thinking. i donât really know what to do, you know?â
âi get it. letâs just not do anything, okay? just see how things go, and if we want to do something later we can still do that. we have timeâ, something that was hard for him to believe because the last time heâd thought that life had played a sick joke on him and taken the person he loved the most from him, but he was trying not to think about that, trying not to let it turn him into a bitter, hopeless version of himself that had given up on everything, not anymore, he was trying to reassure himself just as much as he was trying to reassure you.
âwe have timeâ, you repeated, and you too were trying to reassure yourself. you were still young, of course, but youâd already lost so much time that you werenât able to remember, part of you was desperate for new memories. and one memory would be spending time with your friends, something you were so desperate to do, see that things were okay and pretend like all the hard things that had led you to move back home hadnât happened.
âif yunho wants, do you want to watch a movie tonight?â
âsure, i can ask him when i text him, kind of prove iâm not angry.â
you nodded at that suggestion, eating the last of your pancake before you spoke up again hesitantly.
âi think i should go home. maybe sleep some more, take a cold shower, i donât know.â
âokay. just, if you feel⊠weird again, call me instead of getting hurt. please.â
âiâll tryâ, because you couldnât promise him any more, and he knew that trying was the most he could ask from you.
âthank youâ, and âtake careâ when you left, hugging you carefully as a goodbye.
//
things were weird for mingi, because even though heâd told you that you shouldnât do anything yet and even though heâd been the one to tell yunho to get with you he still felt somewhat jealous whenever he saw you be close to his best friend, whenever he felt like you preferred yunho over him, whenever your face lit up when you talked about the blond, not knowing that it was the same way just roles reversed whenever you were alone with the other man. they were both your friends, but the brunette found himself wishing he could be more than your friend, even though he knew he shouldnât be, not now, at least, since he still had to deal with feelings of guilt whenever he found himself wanting to hold your hand or pull you close. he felt like he was betraying both her and you, because his thoughts were never with just one of you, something he talked to yunho about more than once, trying to deal with his guilt and figure out what would be the best way to go about things, figure out how he could get rid of the guilt eating away at him or even just figure out how to deal with it better so he wouldnât feel like he was being unfair to you if he couldnât focus on you only when you were alone.
neither man had an answer to that - there probably wasnât even a good answer. it was something heâd have to figure out with you, through lots of talking, lots of crying too, probably, lots of sorting out all the hard feelings that made life so difficult. and it would be even harder when he wasnât the only one with baggage, and when your baggage was the exact kind of baggage to get worse with his baggage, when he knew youâd feel like he didnât care about you if she was on his mind when he was with you, so again, he tried to tell his friend to make you happy because he didnât think he ever could. but his friend wouldnât do that, wouldnât let him ruin his chance at a second love just because he was so scared of hurting you, especially not since he knew that you wanted to be with mingi, too, something that got so obvious from the way you talked about him. so instead of giving in to what he wanted for himself yunho supported his friend, played free therapist, and collected evidence for the two of you liking each other in his brain.
âmingi, i know youâre scared, but so is she. except what sheâs probably even more scared of than having to work through some issues with you is you not thinking sheâs worth itâ, the blond was trying to convince him again, but mingi just shook his head.
âsheâs gonna think i donât care about her if i tell her iâm not thinking about only her even when weâre alone. sheâs gonna think she was right in thinking i only care about the soulmate deal and the reincarnation thing and all that. sheâs gonna be hurt and i canât do thatâ, trying to convince yunho about as much as himself, because, truth be told, he was horrified himself.
âsheâs gonna think that you donât care about her if you donât even try to talk to her about thisâ, his friend countered, âif you keep your feelings to yourself and act weird, because you will, i know you, and she doesnât know why. sheâs gonna think you donât like her.â
the brunette groaned, throwing his head back and burying his face in his hands; why did life have to be so hard? it wasnât fair, neither on you nor him, and he wished there was an easier way.
âso what should i do? go up to her like âhey i have feelings for you but i still canât focus on you only because i also have guilt eating away at me because i do see you as an individual, as more than a cheap copy of my first love whom i promised to love forever, and the fact that i like you for you and not for her makes me feel like iâm cheating even though thereâs no one to cheat onâ? i canât really do that.â
his friend looked at him with soft eyes, because now he knew exactly what was going on in his friendâs mind, and now he knew that you really didnât have to be worried and neither did mingi, because if he did explain that he felt this way youâd understand, without a doubt.
âmaybe not with those words, but if you package it a little nicer?â
something he didnât mean literally, but it gave mingi an idea. maybe he couldnât say it, because heâd most definitely stumble over his words, but he might be able to write a letter and avoid fucking up with bad wording because he had the chance to rewrite it if he felt like it wasnât appropriate, and heâd have more time to think about it. and maybe itâd hurt less if he was alone when he got the words out, the hardest words, and would only have to do the problem solving later, not the problem discussing.
âthank youâ, getting up to give his best friend a tight hug because heâd just managed to (hopefully) solve an issue mingiâd had for about two weeks now.
//
when the man who you werenât sure was your friend or something different had messaged you, asking how you were feeling and if youâd want to watch a movie with him and, if you still wanted to later, have him stay over that night, you were a little surprised, but told him that you did want to, part of you hoping for something more, part of you scared that youâd get hurt again, as you always found yourself feeling when you watched a movie with him and the two of you spent the night not exactly cuddling, but at least in the same bed. it made you anxious, but you wouldnât want to miss it, just hoped heâd finally make some kind of move because you knew you certainly wouldnât, wouldnât risk him hurting you again.
the anxiety had only gotten less intense as you waited for the evening, spending part of your day in the shelter again, but it hadnât fully vanished. so your heart skipped a beat when you heard the doorbell ring, knowing he was already in front of your door because he knew the code to the front door by now.
you walked to the door, nervous, though trying to hide it. and then he was standing there, in front of your door, flowers in hand and a big teddy bear squished under his arm - did he remember how youâd told him once that you hated never having someone to hold at night even though it would calm you? -, looking everywhere but you as he grabbed the teddy bear with the now no longer free hand and gave you the flowers.
âwhatâs this for, mingi?â, heart racing because maybe, just maybe, you werenât getting your hopes up for nothing this time.
ây/n, i⊠i think i kind of fell for you.â
#ateez#atiny#mingi#song mingi#mingi x reader#ateez x reader#song mingi x reader#ateez au#ateez fluff#ateez angst#ateez content#mingi au#mingi fluff#mingi angst#mingi content#mingi fanfiction#mingi scenarios#mingi imagines#mingi timestamps#ateez reactions#ateez scenarios#ateez fanfiction#ateez imagines#ateez timestamps#hongjoong#seonghwa#yunho#yeosang#san#wooyoung
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@sestet asked to see the mall earthquake scenes I scrapped from the first draft of that TodoBaku soulmate AU fic. So Iâm going to post them under the cut with additional commentary for context.
Please keep in mind everything below the cut comes from a first draft so itâs sloppy and rough because I donât go back and rewrite/tweak/edit until after the whole first draft is done.Â
BnHA/MHA manga spoilers may apply
In context, this fic is a 110,000+ fic that starts when the soulmate connection manifests and so far extends well into third year (and will probably finish a while after graduation).Â
The soulmate connection is an ability to sense your soulmateâs emotional state at all times. If your emotions are identical then the soulbond, called the resonance, will vibrate and increase your ability to use your quirk. In romantic situations thereâs a hum more than a vibration, which does not increase your quirk.Â
These scenes take place in third year. At this point in the story, Todorokiâs been rebelling by wearing a ring for a long while, Bakugou and Todoroki have been dating for a few months or so. Bakugouâs mentor right now is Miruko and Todorokiâs mentor right now is Gang Orca. Todoroki also spent some time in second year having Present Mic as a mentor during some Council shenanigans. Bakugou, Todoroki, and Yaoyorozu are the Big Three. Midoriya ran off to deal with AFO and dropped out of high school on his eighteenth birthday. Todoroki told Endeavor his plans to be an underground hero in a dramatic hospital room confrontation, and Bakugouâs been on a trajectory to mature in such a way by the end of the fic heâs not as King Explosion Murder as he was as a first year. That way all three of them have the dream they started out with on day one changed by the end of the fic. Best Jeanist also turned into a nomu at one point and was declared dead later. Bakugou, Todoroki, and Yaoyorozu have been helping keep an eye on Eri, who wasnât really prepared for Midoriya to just disappear, but has been coping with it since. Also, Natsuo is with the League of Villains after Dabi kidnapped him to save him from Council shenanigans the previous fall or so. Dabi died almost a year ago. The Todoroki siblings know Dabi was Touya. Not sure how much of that will be relevant to these sections but I figured they were some high points that might get referenced briefly or eluded to.Â
This first version of the mall earthquake scenario is set just before Christmas in the story and about two months after Bakugou and Todoroki had their quirks swapped for about a week. Bakugouâs POV will begin (though Iâm probably going to keep this bottle rocket Bakugou section for the final draft in some form) and the POV will change every time you see a ~
===
Midterms ended and third years gained more privileges. They would be pro heroes in only a few months and needed the freedom to go to interviews and find housing. Their first licensing exam opportunity was in January, but the selection process started in lieu of licensing. Some people who proved themselves in the field but had an off day might work in offices until they passed the next available exam. Other agencies would not guarantee a position if a candidate did not receive their lisence accordingly.
This Sunday it was Bakugouâs turn to watch Eri after lunch. Yaoyorozu and Todoroki were out and Miriio was too busy studying for exams to come this week, but promised to visit more often after exams.
Eri rushed up to Bakugou and took his hand gently. âCan we make bottle rockets? Please?â
Bakugou blinked and then grinned. âYeah.â
Eri already had all the materials. She even decorated the popsicle stick stabilizers with glue and glitter. âI watched a show on TV about it,â she said, âand I want to figure out how to do it.â She pointed to lines on the bottles. âI measured water and marked them for the vinegar. We need to make packets of baking soda.â
They took the equipment to the Home Ec room. Eri carefully measured out baking soda into paper towels and Bakugou helped her tie them at the ends. They attached the sticks to each bottle with more glue. Each rocket represented a different ratio of baking soda and vinegar. Each bottle also marked different amounts of vinegar.
Kirishima paused at the door. âHey guys. That looks interesting.â
Eri explained the plan to Kirishima and soon all of them headed out to an empty part of campus with the rockets.
âYou get to pour the vinegar but Iâm doing the baking soda,â Bakugou said. He was not going to be responsible for Eri taking a bottle to the face or any other preventable mishap.
âBut ââ Eri stared up at him e a long moment. Neither of them looked away. Bakugouâs face remained firm. âOkay,â she agreed.
âAre you sure you donât want me to do it?â Kirishima asked Bakugou.
âYou just want to be the one to launch it.â
âSo do you.â Kirishima snorted.
Bakugou rolled his eyes. âAlright. One bottle at a time.â
Eri put a funnel into the first bottle and carefully poured vinegar until it reached the line. She handed it to Bakugou along with the corresponding baking soda packet.
Bakugou stepped away, placed the packet inside and set the bottle down. He headed back over to Eri and Kirishima just in time for the vinegar to soak through the paper towel enough to create the reaction and send the rocket popping up into the air.
Eri wrote the results in her notebook and soon they prepped the second rocket. It shot up higher and then arced before zooming off haphazardly to the side.
Eri finished pouring vinegar into the third bottle and sealed the vinegar jug.
âWhat do you think will happen this time?â Kirishima asked.
âI think this one will go even higher,â Eri said. She smiled and handed the bottle to Bakugou. She turned to Kirishima for the last baking soda packet and then stared up at him.
Bakugou followed her gaze. Kirishima froze in place. His eyes scanned the horizon.
âEarthquake,â Kirishima said. He knelt on the ground. âGet down!â
Bakugou did so and Eri mirrored their positions. Her gaze shifted in the direction Kirishima stared. Soon Bakugou heard the rumbling growing steadily louder. The ground seemed to roll underneath them as it vibrated. Fire erupted as a gasline bursta few blocks away. The ground kept moving. Kirishima moved so his body protected Bakugou and Eriâs heads from debris. It lasted seconds but it felt much longer. The quake began to ebb the sound traveled into the distance. Sirens rang throughout the city.
Kirishima stood up and helped Eri to her feet. Bakugou stood up and brushed the dirt from his hands.
âLetâs pick our shit up and get it inside. Weâre going to find Yagi.â Bakugou grabbed the unused bottle. When teachers and students were expected to assist local heroes, Yagi always took care of Eri.
Eri nodded. She picked up one of the straw bottles. Kirishima got the other. Bakugou grabbed the vinegar jug. Bakugouâs phone buzzed.
<b>Yagi:</b> I am at the teachersâ office. You can leave Eri with me. Iâm sure Nezu will ask you to assist soon.
Both Bakugou and Kirishimaâs phones buzzed simultaneously.
<b>Nezu:</b> Hello, students. Due to the powerful quake in our area, we have permission to assist locally if you have your license. If your mentor requests your assistance elsewhere, you have permission to assist them. Those without licenses, await teacher instruction. To those off campus, be alert and aware. Be safe! Plus Utra!
After dropping Eri off with Yagi, Bakugou and Kirishima raced to the dorms to suit up. Some of their schoolmates were already heading to the school gates. Bakugou forewent his gauntlets since major explosions could be more detrimental than helpful in this situation. He hit the gates at the same time as Kirishima, Jirou, Uraraka, and Shouji. All of them moved as a unit into the city.
<b>~</b>
It was Todorokiâs first time in a mall that had nothing to do with work. There was so much to take in, so many things to look at. There was anything any type of quirk might need here and even things unrelated to quirks like books, music, and other forms of media.
Yaoyorozu adjusted the strap of her purse. âSorry about asking you out here, but our time at the thrift shop was kind of fun and I didnât want to invite someone who might accidentally invite Kyouka. I know Christmas is more than a month away but you never know when they might need our help again.â
Todoroki nodded. âI need to think about Christmas too.â As far as he knew, none of his family observed Christmas. Everything he knew about it he learned from pop culture and his classmates. Everyone who dated someone always made a point to get their partner something nice. When Yaoyorozu mentioned getting something for Jirou, it did not take long for Todoroki to want to get something for Bakugou too.
Yaoyorozu looked at him with a smile and said, âI guess we just dive in and see what happens.â She bounced excitedly on her heels. âLetâs go.â
They tried music, but Jirou had such a broad taste and so much music neither of them could be sure what she did and did not own. They tried books, but they did not seem the right fit and Todoroki found his mind wandering. Quirk themed gifts seemed too personal. There were a lot of stores that seemed too cheap. After a while they bought crepes and settled down on a bench in the middle of the mall. Todoroki nibbled at the strawberry filling. He did not really focus on anyone or anything, but sometimes his eyes swept the crowd or checked the exits.
âEarthquake!â someone shouted from far away in the mall. âI can smell it!â
Before Todoroki could fully consider how someone could smell an earthquake, it began to jostle the mall. Todoroki and Yaoyorozu got under the bench. Displays toppled. Glass shattered. The lights flickered. The ground kept shaking along with their bones. It seemed to last forever and then it moved on and away from the mall.
Yaoyorozu rolled out from under the bench. âExcuse me,â she said and then ate what was left of her crepe still in her hands in three large bites.
Todorokiâs ate what was left of his crepe and put its wrapper in his pocket. His eyes scanned the immediate area. One of the shops emergency gates fell during the quake. Everyone he could see appeared dazed but uninjured. He looked at Yaoyorozu.
They headed towards the sound of the glass. Their phones buzzed but they could answer later. Shards of glass began appearing on the floor, crunching under their boots. Three of the safety panels used to keep people falling from the floor above dislodged in the quake, the glass bursting across the concourse for meters. Todoroki sent out an emergency code like he might if he was working for his internship.
âPlease remain where you are,â someone said over the intercom. âHeroes will be with you shortly.â
âWe should move them before the aftershock, shouldnât we?â Yaoyorozu asked quietly.
âIs that safe?â Todoroki looked at her.
Yaoyorozuâs eyebrows drew together. âIs it safer to let them go through the aftershock in glass fragments?â
Todoroki was not sure. He scanned the area. They were the only people able to help. âI can see if a store will let us transfer them inside.â
âIâll make a stretcher,â Yaoyorozu removed her coat and tied it around her waist. She pulled her shirt up so it exposed her mid-drift. âIt might take a bit. Iâm going to make it folded and then unfold it.â
âThatâs fine.â What were their other options? Todoroki sent out an emergency code as he would if it was during internship hours.
A nearby clothing store willingly started moving racks so they would have room to put the injured. Yaoyorozuâs stretcher helped speed up the process. Those that got caught in the glass tried to take shelter in kiosks and under benches. Winter clothing helped prevent many injuries but there were some with multiple fragments embedded in their skin. There was no ideal way to move anyone without causing pain. Todoroki carried those less injured and helped those that could walk. Yaoyorozu used the stretcher to transport the worst injuries. They brought the last of the injured to the store just in time for the first aftershock.
The mall shook even more than it did the first time. People cried out in pain. More glass fell in other parts of the mall. There was nothing they could do until the shaking subsided.
<b>~</b>
It was dark. The moon set not long ago. The aftershocks at first grew more intense before gradually diminishing. Now they were barely noticeable. Bakugou stared at another him, just as tall, wearing the same exact clothes. He was several evacuations into the earthquakes now. They were finding people who did not make it out of buildings in time more than survivors. He almost could not process this.
âCamie.â
âBingo!â Camie held up a finger. Her pro-hero costume was not much different than her high school hero costume except she no longer wore the hat. âWe have a problem nearby, and I heard you shouting, so I told my boss I could bring one explodey boi to help us.â She looked at Shouji, Jirou, Tokoyami, and Kirishima. âActually all of you can come too.â Her gaze returned to Shouji, âIf thatâs up top with you, Sensei.â
âIâm also a student,â Shouji said. âWe can assist anyone who needs help, so itâs okay anyway.â
Almost everyone who worked for the same agency as Camie had quirks that lent well to infiltration and not so well to search, rescue, and recovery. Hero and civilian disaster crews continued to work together. The aftershocks grew weaker. The body count began to rise. Bakugou and Kirishima helped move debris as they helped search for those still alive. A family huddled together did not move and no longer breathed. Under them was another family barely alive.
Kirishimaâs jaw remained firm. His eyes reflected the streetlights coming on as the sun set. Bakugou looked away and kept working. Uraraka vomited nearby and offered a quiet, âSorry,â before turning to lifting debris with her quirk. Shouji and Jirou worked together, Jirou listening intently so they could track sounds of potential survivors and target their efforts accordingly. Camie worked wherever she could lend a hand. The night grew colder. They kept working.
Bakugou stepped away from the wreckage. His breath condensed in the air. Something waved in his immediate vision.
âNoms?â Camie asked, twirling a protein bar in her fingers.
Bakugou grabbed the protein bar. It was the only savory and palatable flavor the brand made. âYeah.â
Camie opened a matcha flavored protein bar for herself. She slowly shifted her weight from one leg to the other, resting as best she could. Flurries settled onto her hair. She let her breath cloud in the air on purpose.
Bakugou ate slowly. He let his chin hide from the wind in the collar of his coat.
âI want to work together again,â Camie said, âas a team.â
âInfiltration isnât my thing,â Bakugou said.
âI know, but Iâm a subcontractor. I work with everybody.â She put her trash in her pouch.
Bakugouâs phone buzzed.
<b>Nezu:</b> Hello students! Curfew is still in effect. Remember to communicate and bring proof if you are late. Plus Ultra!
Bakugou looked at the time on his phone. He frowned. He still had the energy to keep going, to keep helping. Four more months and no one would be able to stop him.
<b>~</b>
The mall remained standing. There were bigger problems and needs across the city. A vacuum hero appeared to help with the glass. Paramedics were slow to arrive. With each larger quake, more glass fell. Everyone took to the stores for shelter. Even then there were still injuries. The food court caught fire three times. Eventually the aftershocks were almost unnoticeable. The glass was gone and everyone could go home. Stores began cleaning up their messes. Todoroki and Yaoyorozu offered to help rearrange the clothing store and clean up the blood, but the manager and employees had it under control.
When Todoroki and Yaoyorozu exited the mall, their phones buzzed with Nezuâs curfew reminder. Snow flurries spit out of the sky at random. Todoroki let his fire quirk circulate to keep his left side from becoming too cold. They passed by people rebuilding tracks, working to fill sinkholes, and pulling survivors and corpses from buildings. There were still so many things to do, so many ways to help. Todoroki looked at his phone. He had several messages directed at the agency in general for help from various points throughout the city. His news alerts were filled with shots of the damage and everyone helping the major sites.
âIâm glad we were there to help,â Yaoyorozu said, looking at her own phone. âI know there were bigger crises but how many other smaller ones got ignored or put off accidentally?â She lowered her voice so only Todoroki could hear even though they were alone on the street, âHow many villains get created that way?â
Todoroki put his hands in his pocket. âNow you sound like Midoriya.â
âIâve been thinking about it. I know I shouldnât.â Yaoyorozu sighed.
âWhy shouldnât we?â Todoroki looked up at the sky as flurries turned into a thin snow shower. âShouldnât our job also be villain prevention?â
Yaoyorozu did not answer immediately. âIâm not sure if Iâd go so far as to work with them.â She looked over at Todoroki. âWhat aboutâŠ?â she paused mid-sentence. âNo. I probably shouldnât ask.â
âI donât know yet. Iâve got other things to handle first.â Although if Midoriya or Natsuo appeared and needed his help, it would not be a hard choice to help them.
Iida, Tokoyami, Ashido, and Asui joined them as they neared UA. Todoroki offered Asui his left arm. She sleepily croaked and latched onto the warmth. By the time they hit the gates, there was a steady stream of students from multiple years and various disciplines.
Todoroki barely had his dorm slippers on when a flash of red zoomed towards them. Eri hugged Yaoyorozu tight. Yaoyorozu hugged her back just as tight. âIâm home,â Yaoyorozu said.
âWelcome home,â Eri returned. She let go of Yaoyorozu and looked at the other students. âNot everyone came back.â
âTheyâre coming,â Asui said. She rested her hand on Eriâs head. âIâll clean up and we can wait for the others together.â
Eri nodded. She retreated deeper into the room where Yagi stood next to one of the tables. It looked like they were playing cards.
Todoroki took to the stairs with the others. He glanced back over his shoulder at Eri and Yagi. Eri watched the doorway, her cards in a fan. Todoroki turned his attention forwards. He knew everyone was capable of doing the job, surviving, and returning. He had not questioned it once. He felt Eriâs worry at the back of his brain. He tried to ignore it.
<b>~</b>
The ground opened up and swallowed them whole. Uraraka slapped Bakugou and Jirou hard in the arms, causing them to float. Shouji spread his wings. Uraraka clamped her hands over her mouth. They all took to the air and watched a sinkhole open up along the road leading to UA. Sirens echoed throughout the city. The sky was completely dark. From this height, they could see stragglers returning to campus and crews working various sites. Buildings around the sinkhole cracked and distorted. None of them had lights on inside, but that might just indicate a power outage more than vacancy.
âI sent security a message,â Shouji said. âThey know what happened.â
âIâve activated an emergency code,â Jirou said.
Bakugou and Uraraka landed on the north side and Shouji and Jirou landed on the south side of the sink hole.
Uraraka fell to her knees and vomited along the side of the road. Bakugouâs eyes swept the houses again. There were no lights or signs of movement at the windows. She cleaned out her mouth with some water and then walked over to him.
âI bet we wait at least half an hour,â Uraraka said.
âProbably.â Bakugou let off a series of sparks.
Snow continued to fall at a steady light pace.
âReminds me of summer training,â Uraraka said.
Bakugouâs gaze shifted to her. Her eyebrows drew together and she stared at one of the dark houses nearby. âWhere were you?â
âThe east side,â Uraraka said. Â She almost bristled at the memory. She took a deep breath and shook her head to clear it. âIâd like to think it doesnât go on here.â
âItâs why theyâre one of the top ten safest places in Japan. Probably true for all of them.â Bakugou shook the snow from his hair.
âDisgusting.â
âYeah.â
Uraraka opened her mouth and then closed it. âSomeoneâs coming.â
Bakugou followed her gaze. Sure enough a group of construction heroes were heading their way, hopping from roof to roof as they traveled. Once they arrived and took over the scene, the students continued to UA.
When they arrived at the dorm almost everyone was in the common room. Bakugou had only seconds to react before Eri hugged him tight. He frowned and put a hand on her head. Eri slowly let him go.
âWelcome home. We were worried,â she said.
Were they? Bakugou glanced past her at the other students. They were busy making a hotpot for all to share. His gaze returned to Eri. She greeted everyone and then went back to helping make the hotpot. Bakugouâs teeth grit together. Midoriya just had to take off months ago. Bakugou didnât want to think about it right now. He headed upstairs to clean up and make sure the hotpot was not turning into a disaster.
===
So, I scrapped the above version because I realized it would work better after New Years. Wasnât completely sure where to use it so I chose Valentines Day to shake things up since itâll be the third Valentines Day in the fic.Â
Again, this is third year. Bakugouâs the first POV.Â
===
Rain fell against the overhang splashing down to the concrete below. A sea of umbrellas entered and exited the mall. Bakugou watched his breath rise into the air as Todoroki scanned the posters. They should have looked at what movies were in theaters before leaving UA.
âWhat about this one?â Bakugou gestured to a poster with three adventurers running away from a propeller plane wheeling towards them engulfed in flames.
âIsnât it supposed to be a romantic movie?â Todoroki asked.
âProbably.â Bakugou scanned the posters. Valentines Day was on a Sunday this year. Todoroki suggested catching a movie after they finished lunch.
âWhat about this one?â Todoroki asked. The poster had several couples on it with a slime monster rising up in the background in an ominous heart shape.
For a brief moment Bakugou felt the burning suffocation of slime invading his airways. He swallowed and scanned the posters again. âWhat if we hit up the arcade?â
The arcade had many different types of games and gaming modes. Several people already crowded into the room, gathering around the games as they played by themselves and with friends. As Bakugou and Todoroki walked up, a group of students vacated one of the dance games.
âIâm going to kick your ass,â Bakugou said.
âWeâll see,â Todoroki said.
The game was both simple and hard. Each time they stepped on the board, it lit up with multi colored footprints and sparkles. The split screen directed them how to step, allowing for as much freedom of movement and flair as two people on the platform could allow. The song was fast and the beat easily hit each step. When the game finished, Bakugou put his arms up in the air, ready to claim victory.
It was a tie. The same score. The same âExcellent!Â
Fuck that.
âAgain!â he said at the same time Todoroki said, âAgain,â in a firm but quieter tone.
They tied again. Bakugou won. Todoroki won. More ties. Were they about to sink all of their tokens into this stupid game? Definitely. The resonance vibrated. The dance beat pounded. The game flashed and glowed. People gathered around to film their dance off. Bakugou ignored them. He was going to win unquestionably.
Suddenly his feet slipped out from under him, throwing him towards Todoroki, knocking them to the platform. The ground continued to shake, growing and growing, rattling bone, teeth, and flesh. Bakugou rolled so he could protect Todorokiâs head with his body. He found his jacket nearby and put it over them. The ground kept shaking. Glass shattering echoed from the concourse. Children cried nearby. Games toppled. The power flickered and went out. Slowly the room stopped shaking, the building stopped singing. Everything was still. Everything was dark.
Bakugou let go of Todoroki and sat up, making sure to angle his jacket so any debris slid off. One by one cellphones illuminated. There was a chime not from the speakers but maybe some kind of projection quirk.Â
âPlease remain where you are. Help is on its way. Sorry for the inconvenience.â
âAre you okay?â Todoroki asked.
âYeah.â Bakugou barely registered his phone buzzing multiple times in his pocket.
The generator kicked in and the power returned. Bakugou and Todoroki got to their feet and immediately headed towards the overturned games that pinned people to the ground. Bakugou wiped his face and then wiped his hands on his clothes. Â
âIâm Shouto, this is Ground Zero,â Todoroki said.
âWeâre going to move these things, so some of you have to move,â Bakugou added. âNow.â
Customers that could move cleared sections of the floor. Bakugou and Todoroki lifted fallen games off people and placed them where they would not fall on top of anyone else. Bakugou went to check how the rest of the arcade faired while Todoroki did what basic first aid he could to help the injured.
âGet down Ground Zero!â someone shouted.
Bakugou knelt just in time for the aftershock to begin. He grit his teeth and then consciously relaxed his jaw when the vibration grew too great. The power flickered but remained on this time. The games remained against the wall this time. When the quake subsided, Bakugou continued his assessment.
<b>~</b>
The aftershocks kept coming. The power went off and came back on repeatedly. The customers resituated themselves into safer positions. The voice kept reminding everyone to stay where they were, promised help would be on its way. So far there was still only Todoroki and Bakugou in the arcade. Once he treated everyone injured, Todoroki reported the situation to Gang Orcaâs agency.
<b>Todoroki:</b> At the central mall arcade, second floor. Injuries and damage. No sign of other heroes nearby.
Todoroki enabled a paramedic alert. The agency responded with automated messages confirming it received both messages and would handle them accordingly. If the mall was this damaged, other buildings would be too. Who knew who might respond. All the hero agencies would need to coordinate and handle whatever was in front of them.
âCan we go?â someone asked.
There was a chime and the voice repeated the stay where you are message.
âNo,â Todoroki said.
âThanks Captain Obvious.â
âYouâre welcome.â Todoroki headed towards the front of the arcade.
Bakugou met him within sight of the main entrance. âThe professional heroes already here are assessing the situation,â he said. âTheyâre going to start evacuation.â
Todoroki gazed out at the rest of the mall. Glass particles spread everywhere, many panels from balconies on other floors coming lose and smashing in the quakes. Some lights were also gone and several displays were in disarray. Yaoyorozu and Jirou stood at the mouth of one of the shops on the third floor making a similar assessment.
Jirou looked at him and then gave one thumbs up and one thumbs sideways. Todoroki returned it. Their situations were probably similar with some injured but nobody so serious it was life and death.
There were enough rescue and recovery heroes to go through the floors and assess the situation. Medical emergencies left first, uninjured left second, and the injured and their companions left last. Some were taken to the hospital and others were patched up and advised to see their doctors if their injuries worsened. Each aftershock was weaker than the last and the gaps between aftershocks grew longer. That did not mean their work was over.
By the time Todoroki and Bakugou left the mall, it was dark. Sirens echoed through the city. Various helicopters and flying quirks flew through the air with purpose.
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as usual, an unrealistic list of things Iâd really like to get done over the three-day weekend, which is not super likely to go well considering Iâm posting this at 5 fucking p.m. but whatever:
gaming-related
I have exactly a month left on my (so far unused, whoops) PC Game Pass subscription, so I need to go over my wish list again and identify
which games have achievements
each gameâs average playtime so I can prioritize
which ones interest me the most (emphasis on spooky games because...itâs spooky season)
try Fallout 76 once it finally finishes downloading, because I played the free weekend on Steam before and this is Microsoft, and...I think my character should just be on their servers but I donât actually know hahahaha yeah that super didnât work, maybe in a week when our billing cycle restarts Iâll try redownloading and reinstalling it, and anyway I did download and test a couple other Game Pass games
cancel my current SWTOR subscription so Iâm not still paying for that while focusing on Game Pass games
play one of a few Flash games on my to-play list, if thereâs something short
misc/housekeeping
check out my current backup situation and see how hard it would be to modify, I mean at some point I have got to set up an actual system but for some reason thatâs intimidating so if what I currently have is at all usable, I should add to it
and then verify my drivers. I donât know whatâs wrong with my PC and Iâm really not sure how to figure that out but since Memtest86 ran for three fucking hours and came back clear, it seems like this is the next major step in the troubleshooting process okay I actually didnât do this but I did try some other things that also didnât work
finish claiming all the Black Panther comics
a tiny bit of room cleaning? maybe?? I actually already did a very tiny bit, and this is something (one of...many things) I could do while on a call with friends, which is also in my plans
open a couple packages from one of said friends, which keen-eyed readers might note was in a to-do list ages ago oops
check Tumblr drafts
work on modifying or fixing some masks that currently arenât working well
send an email thatâs been on my to-do list for...a while
actually another email would be a good one too
keep trying to get Hazy to learn that letting people handle her paws results in good treats, so we can make an appointment for a Petco nail trim (and ideally clip them ourselves, sometimes)
ah fuck I still need to finish my will
creative
mildly edit the short fic I posted a few days ago, give it a title, and toss it on AO3
as always, some typing would be really really good
so would...some writing...
make some more potion bottles with, uh, random stuff Iâve collected on recent walks around the neighborhood (other potion bottles with other random ideas Iâve had wouldnât be a bad idea either...and I would like to try one of the Youtube tutorials I found for making tiny hourglasses, but I guess thatâs probably not a priority)
do a little reorganizing in my giant to-do lists for a) 1/6-scale projects and b) lyrics for titles
doing more research on parts for a 1/6 female Loki is really not urgent but...I might want to...and some things are on sale right now...
repair Tiny Lokiâs tiny mask
rewrite my paper list of prioritized projects, which I needed to do anyway, but now Iâve also lost the original and thatâs very annoying (also make a pocket for it in my notebook so this is less likely to happen again)
make designs for a few new Pride Cap shields, maybe? it really would not take long to make just a few, and now is when I should be adding stuff to Etsy if I have any hope of like...holiday sales
for that matter, now would be an extremely good time to at least start planning what kinds of holiday-specific things (and/or other new listings) I might be able to make in time to list them on Etsy
mental health
write up a post for the ADHD Reddit and maybe other related places
experiment with Notion and Airtable as organizational options
research some bullet-journal layouts to see if anything seems like it would work for me
in general, spend some time just kind of...brainstorming the type of system that would be useful for me in keeping my shit together, so I have a better idea of what Iâm looking for (also probably helpful to list like...the big problems Iâm trying to fix)
see if Penzu seems like a good option for a keeping-my-shit-together strategy I have in mind from my latest therapy session, and if not, do a little research on other journal-type possibilities
shopping I probably shouldnât be doing
make a Michaels order tomorrow when both coupons will be active, because...there are some Halloween things that are somehow already sold out at the nearest store but I still want them...and theyâre available at the store all the way across town...so...
possibly go to an estate sale benefiting the rescue group where we got Scully and Hazy, which is also all the way over on the other side of town but if Iâm going over there anyway, I might as well
some stuff in my Etsy cart that I donât want to miss
ditto eBay, I think mostly in my cart but also check watch list
AliExpress is also having some sales and yes there are more tiny things I want to buy for Lokiâs arcane workshop, shut up (but also if Iâm going to buy another Hot Toys body, this time for Thor, I gotta...take some measurements)
politics
call legislators
I really donât know why I bother but Iâve found a bunch more articles recently that Iâd like to throw on Facebook
for that matter at some point Iâm probably just going to do a Facebook post like âhey, if you care about me at all, please consider voting Biden,â which also probably wonât make a difference but like...thereâs a tiny chance it might
actually write those Sierra Club letters to voters that I meant to do like...two weeks ago...and maybe also some postcards, idk
maybe go to a thing Monday afternoon
also maybe just like...look through my links and folders to see whoâs doing textbanking? like I donât necessarily have to do any of it this weekend, just figure out whatâs available?
........hmm this is all a terrible idea, probably, in part because my brain is looking at this absurdly long list and still going âoh shit, oh fuck, weâre forgetting something major arenât we!!!â
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Writing Update - #1
WIP Formally Began: July 18th, 2019 Date of Update: August 31st, 2019 WIP Intro: Here
Current WIP Status: Outline/WIP Bible Current Status W/C: 65,340 W/C Added: ~5,000 words (this week)
Summary Report: My current project, Survive Said The Prophet, has grown significantly in a variety of ways throughout this week. Not only has the outline grown, but the official summary and title were also finalized and the story has been formally introduced to the Tumblr sphere.
                                                  ~~~~~~~~~
On August 25th (Sunday), my outline for my conspiracy + sci-fi fic, Survive Said The Prophet, surpassed 60,000 words. The last time I had written this much for any story was either last year or two years ago, when I jumped the gun and tried my hand at writing about organized crime for the first time. Since that endeavour and learning from my experience, Iâve found that approaching stories with an extensive outline beforehand gives me a clearer idea of the arc/character progressions threaded throughout the plot. Although the 60k+ words to that organized crime story will not be picked up again, the experience and the sheer endurance that it took to write it has definitely prepared and laid down a foundation of weaknesses and strengths that I can refer to as I continue outlining Survive Said The Prophet. The formatting of the outline mayâve been an important part as to why Iâve written so much, why I still have the drive and energy to come back to this story, and why the story still intrigues me after putting so much of my time into developing it. Perhaps itâs the nature of the mysteries or how Iâve interwoven worldbuilding between canon hallmarks; whichever the case, coming back to this outline and just writing it makes me feel at ease. Itâs been a few years since Iâve felt this way about writing, since Iâve felt this comfortable and sure of myself. Curious to know if itâs experience, if itâs a change in my mindset, a combination of both, or the influence of something else. On this same Sunday â mind you, I was writing as much as I could before the first day of the academic semester â I edited and finalized the summary for Survive Said The Prophet. For the past month or so, Iâve been rewriting and editing different summaries that I felt were decent previews to whatâs to come. In my original drafts, I wanted to incorporate quotes that were from the story or quotes from the referenced authors in Bungou Stray Dogs. Before Survive Said The Prophet, many of the summaries Iâve written depended and leaned heavily onto quotes to convey whatever premise I was writing about. However, for this story, I couldnât do that. I wanted my writing to stand on its own, rather than relying on the words of someone else or from a throwaway line that Iâve jotted somewhere in my outline. The most difficult part about this entire process was having to build a summary from scratch. During the past month, I referred back to previous summaries Iâve written and wondered if I could rework those for Survive Said The Prophet. What I quickly realized was that it wasnât going to work. The summaries Iâve written beforehand, while they featured worldbuilding elements, werenât for complex or heavily-involved stories. For the first time in months, I had to completely start from scratch. Unused to the experience, I knew I had to start somewhere. From July 28th to August 25th, I wrote close to a dozen new summaries with different directions, starting points, and different vibes on how to convey the premise of Survive Said The Prophet was to be presented. Keep in mind that for the most part, I didnât know what the premise of the story was. Although I had jotted it down, it was a very pale reflection to what the actual premise was. Stumped at every corner and unsure what to do, I looked to resources on how to tackle this summary. From Goodreads to YouTube and to eventually IMDb, I found a muse of a summary that gave me an inspirational pause. While searching up thriller movies, I encountered Shutter Island. Reading the summary to that movie cleared the jumbled thoughts in my head, and it helped me realize what I wanted my summary to convey. Shutter Islandâs summary began by noting the time and the incident that triggers the start of the plot. Out of all the summaries Iâve searched and read, this was the first one that began in this way. If I had only read the first sentence and nothing else from the movieâs blurb, I would still feel intrigued and would want to watch the movie to see what would happen. To me, the hallmark of a brilliant summary is when the first sentence has that kind of effect on the reader. Amazed and inspired, I began to draft what would eventually become the official summary for Survive Said The Prophet. On August 25th at 3:08 p.m., after editing and revising it so that it could within the character limits of AO3âs summary box, I had accomplished one of the most difficult parts of the outline so far. Now when people ask me what Survive Said The Prophet is about, I no longer have to give an abridged telltale version of what I think the premise is. Now, I have a summary that I can show to them and from what I heard from interested peeps and from my lovely brainstorming partner + muse, the official summary captures the essence of what Survive Said The Prophet is and raises more than enough intrigue to prompt a reader to discover for themselves what the story will be.
Between August 26th to August 28th, not very much happened. With this being the beginning of the academic semester, I didnât have time to work on my main outline. With this in consideration, I decided to update and work on other aspects of Survive Said The Prophet that have nothing to do with writing. Namely, I wanted to create a wip introduction so I could formally show and talk about what Iâve been working on for more than a month now. I already had the summary completed and I had a few ideas in mind on what the story edits would be. I knew I was going to use a combination of Unsplash, Fotor, and Canva to help me make those edits into a reality, but I didnât realize how difficult it was going to be and how nitpicky I would become as the wip introduction moved onto its later stages. Initially, the wip introduction was going to list the main characters that were in Survive Said The Prophet. However, after gauging how long the introduction was becoming and wanting to keep things concise and easy, I decided to omit the main characters from the final draft. For several reasons: I wanted to those character introductions in a post solely meant for them, I didnât like how I was initially going to present them, and this main character segment was a real thorn to my backside so omitting cleared away some stress that was on my mind.
On the night of August 29th (Thursday), I completed my wip introduction and formally introduced Survive Said The Prophet to the public. As nerve-wracking as it was to finally do that, it doesnât trump the stress that overtook my body a few hours prior as I was editing and formatting the images I used from Unsplash for my story edits. Easily, the most difficult part was finding a book cover template from Canva that I could use. Finding one that didnât obscure the cover image was as easy as finding a blade of grass, half a centimeter shorter than all the rest. Eventually, I gave up on my search for a template and made the cover page on my own. I probably spent two hours, running the story title through dozens of different fonts and positionings until I was satisfied with the end result. Fortunately, I had late classes on the following day so I was able to stay up and work a little longer than I shouldâve. But in the end, I finished what I wanted to do and had the introduction ready to be posted.
On August 30th (Friday), having had minimal contact with my main outline for almost the entire week, I spent a few hours of my morning before lunch rereading where I left off and revised/clarified a few things that I had jotted down beforehand. Notably, I revised an entire scene that involved a private exchange between two characters from conflicting organizations. I had noted along the margins that an anonymous tip had alerted law enforcement of what was going on for one of the members of the private exchange was a wanted criminal. Confused on why I added the anonymous tip and with no apparent lead/backstory on who sent it and why was it sent, it made the latter half of the scene play out as a matter of convenience, luck, and the third-cousin almost removed from Chekhov's family of things writers forget to include. Bothered that I included an anonymous tip so haphazardly into the scene, when itâs that anonymous tip that initiates the midpoint turn in the story, I knew I needed to clean things up. Fortunately, I had already begun that beforehand when I reread where I had left off, adding notes of clarification and fleshing out vague details that I had left behind. Now with a better understanding of how this arc progresses, I knew who the anonymous tip came from, why they sent it, and what the anonymous tipper wanted in exchange. Information is power, especially in a wip with psychological thriller vibes, so now I knew the motive and how events prior to this scene made sense and led up to this moment where law enforcement got involved. Afterwards, while still keeping the essence of the original sceneâs intent and what happens, I revised how the second-half would follow and have a much clearer idea who and what triggers the midpoint turn in the story. The confrontation with the protagonist and antagonist â I would argue that there is no protagonist or antagonist in this story but for the sake of simplicity, I will refer to these two characters as such â is much stronger and more pivotal now that clarification has been addressed. Makes me really glad Iâm taking my time outlining this story because these are the things that wouldnât cross my mind if I began writing from the get-go.
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if someone wants to be a writer what are the advices you give him/her to be good in writing?
Ooh, a very good question! Iâm certainly no writing expert myself, thereâs SO MUCH I have to work on with my own writing, and I usually spend way more time procrastinating on it than actually practicing it these days, but itâs something I think about constantly and strive to improve upon myself, so Iâll give it a shot.
ADVICE I ALWAYS TRY TO GIVE TO MYSELF WHEN THINKINâ ABOUT STORYTELLING:
1. WRITE THE STORY YOU WANT TO READ, BUT SOMETHING THAT OTHER PEOPLE WILL HOPEFULLY BE ABLE TO ENJOY, AS WELL. Think of a question you have about life or a weird scenario or a relationship that you really want to answer or investigate, and then try to answer that question or explore that intriguing thing as honestly as you can. Doesnât matter how big or small or serious or silly it is, if itâs an interesting question mark to you then it probably will be interesting to someone else, too. People generally read stories because we want to learn about ourselves and the world around us in some entertaining way. When we see things in stories that remind us of ourselves or other people we know, or that are tackling topics and concepts weâve often wondered about ourselves, thatâs when we really get emotionally invested. And if you canât wait to find out what happens next in your own story yourself, that will really compel you to keep putting your butt in the seat to write it!
2. WRITE HOWEVER FEELS MOST NATURAL TO YOU, AND DONâT CONSTANTLY COMPARE YOUR OWN METHODS TO EVERYONE ELSE. Some people like to meticulously plot out their whole story before they begin, and some people like to just wing it and see what sort of weird surprises come out. Both approaches are valid, and so is a mix of the two! Play around with it and see what helps you get words down on paper the easiest. It wonât always be effortless, but it shouldnât feel like a punishment or a horrible chore that you dread every time you sit down to create, either.
3. MAKE TIME FOR CONSUMING LOTS OF GOOD STORIES. Watch cool movies and TV and read books and comics and carefully observe all the people you know in your everyday life. Absolutely everything is a useful learning opportunity if you want it to be. Pay close attention to the world around you, because itâs all inspiration, even the mundane stuff. Itâs those little realistic moments that really give stories life and weight and make people pay attention to what youâre saying as having a spark of truth to it. Get in the habit of describing the things youâre observing to yourself, too, because thatâs what writing is. The more you read / watch / experience the more you will internalize the art of storytelling and start figuring out what is good and what isnât, what feels cliche and lazy and untrue and what feels real and moving and fresh. If you think a story really sucks, donât just zone out, figure out exactly why you think it sucks, too!
4. MAKE TIME FOR CREATING YOUR OWN STORIES WITHOUT OUTSIDE INFLUENCES OR DISTRACTIONS, TOO. Develop a routine and make it a habit and create your own cozy rituals around the act of writing. Whatever puts you in the best mood for it and keeps your head-space open for clearly visualizing your imaginary world.
Personally, I get very inspired by reading other peopleâs stories, but they also distract and block me from writing when Iâm trying to create something of my own. Everyone is different, but I know I need to keep these two things (story-consuming and story-creating) pretty separate, or else I start doubting everything I try to write and picking it apart way too much. Figure out what kind of writer you are and structure your time and your work-space accordingly.
5. GET TO KNOW YOUR CHARACTERS REALLY WELL. The characters that are the easiest to write and the most fun to read are the ones that the author knows well and understands inside-out. Every single character should want to gain something and/or be afraid of losing something, or else they will be flat and boring. If someone only exists purely to be a love object or an opponent to another character and they donât display any sort of inner life or personality outside of that role, it will show, and they will not be very relatable or compelling.
If a character is feeling really flat or youâre having a hard time getting inside their head, two great first questions to ask yourself are: âWhat would this character be doing right now if they werenât involved in this specific plot?â And: âWhat would they be doing if they could do absolutely anything that they wanted to do in the world?â
Sometimes you wonât understand a character or how they need to develop or the main conflict / goal of your characters or story at all until you write more scenes with them or even get to the very end of your story, but thatâs what second drafts and rewrites are for! You can always go back and clarify all that stuff later, adding more depth and streamlining stuff and cutting things out as you see fit.
6. DONâT GET TOO SAD ABOUT YOUR CRAPPY ROUGH DRAFTS. Theyâre going to suck at first most of the time. Just keep chugging and tweaking things and keeping a positive mindset, it will definitely not be perfect in the first try! Iâve often saved many versions of things Iâve written and then been shocked when I go back to the early drafts at how much worse they used to be. Thatâs why we have rewriting and editing and getting feedback from beta readers.
7. SAVE EVERYTHING YOU WRITE. Even if you decide to cut it out of your story because itâs not working right, it can almost always be used again for something else in the future. Maybe you wrote a great description that doesnât suit the tone of the story, or a funny conversation that doesnât add anything useful to that particular scene. Put those unused bits into a scrap folder and dig them out to use again somewhere else, either in the same story or a different story altogether.
8. WRITE DOWN YOUR IDEAS FOR YOUR STORY AS SOON AS YOU GET THEM. Keep a little memo pad app on your phone or carry a notebook around. Itâs easy to forget those useful little nuggets again later if you donât.
9. DONâT WRITE ANYTHING YOU WOULDNâT FEEL COMFORTABLE READING OUT LOUD. If it would be way too embarrassing to read to even your most ideal and nonjudgmental reader, then itâs probably a bit over-the-top and should be reworked until it feels more natural and more honestly âyou.â I forget where I originally heard this little piece of advice, but I love it and think itâs a good one to keep in mind (mostly because I used to do that a lot, and still do sometimes, lol)
10. FIND SOMEONE YOU TRUST TO GIVE YOU HELPFUL CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK ON YOUR WORK. Beta readers are so important! Ideally it should be someone with a good sense of spelling/grammar and an eye for detail who also understands and enjoys your writing and the things you care about, and is also good at articulating exactly why something is/ is not working well yet. This can be scary and embarrassing sometimes, but if itâs the right person doing it they will both encourage you and help you grow by giving you good honest suggestions for things that can be improved or changed. We often donât even realize all the things that arenât coming off well in our own writing after staring at it so long, but that fresh pair of eyes is often very good at picking it out for us, and theyâre just trying to help us write the best story we can.
11. FINALLY, there are so many great resources for learning about storytelling online or at your library!
Here are a few YouTube channels on the subject that I really like:
-Lessons from the Screenplay (my favourite): [X]
-Every Frame a Painting (mostly about visual storytelling, but still a ton of great lessons): [X]
-Alexa Donne (a published fiction author with decent practical advice): [X]
-Ellen Brock (an editor with good practical advice): [X]
A few books on the subject Iâve read and enjoyed:
-Reading Like a Writer by Francine Prose
-On Writing by Stephen King
-Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott (thank you to @translightyagami for the rec!)
And here is my collection of writing advice that seemed pretty legit from Tumblr:
writing advice tag [X]
Best of luck with telling your own stories, and thank you for asking me to blabber like a nerd about it!!
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Unused Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever Chapter 9
 âWould have been "More Dream Shenanigans" Chapter 9. Originally written some around 3/7/17. This edit composed April 23, 2017 and 12/20/17. Unfortunately it seems in the process of the rewriting some of this draft is âlostâ. Here is what I could dig up in my old files. Enjoy.
(In this scenario Doctor Professor Koopa shot at Mario like before, only this time he runs past the gang into the hallways in their confusion rather than jump out of the window. Mario sent Luigi, Boo, and Yoshi after the doctor while Peach had bandaged Bowserâs arm.)
Boo patted his back. "Weegee, we gotta focus!"
"Yeah. Which way would a deranged old doctor go?" Yoshi asked peering down the cafe passage with its yellow ambient lighting.
"Not sure, honey," Birdo said.
"Huh?...Wait, how do I keep hitting the speakerphone?"
"I don't know. I just now got a call from you darling, and all I heard was panting and at first I thought-"
"Don't go there-" Yoshi said quickly. "Listen honey, this hospital is a mad house now and- hello? Hello? It hung up?"
"Bad service?" Luigi questioned.
"I never get 'bad service'. I have a five hundred coins plan from YoshiMobile that gives me a billion minutes and twenty bars everywhere in the kingdom!"
Luigi cringed. His and Mario's service was only twenty coins a month, and they considered that too expensive!
"Sooo what should we do, boss?" Boo suddenly turned to Luigi and asked. Luigi started, unused to being the "boss" of anything.
"Umm, the cafe!"
"You think he got hungry?" Yoshi questioned.
"Not necessarily. But it offers plenty of hiding places."
"Yeah, smart plan," Boo said giving Luigi a thumbs up (use your imagination).
Luigi leaned in. "Besides, a snack might calm my nerves."
-------
Click!
Luigi jumped. "W-what was that?"
"I wanted coffee," Boo said amusingly. Boo laid the glass pot back on the burner. Luigi raised one brow, Boo didn't strike him as a 'decaf' person.
The cafe was a bust. No sign of life, unless the massive aquarium counted. All except beverages were packed up for the evening, but the dim lamps and scenery of the fish tank gave the area a slightly less eerie feeling than the rest of the hospital.
"Yeah it's romantic and all, but I guess we need to head back," Boo said after blowing at the steaming cup.
"Yeah but how the heck (pardon my French) did everyone leave and we not notice? I know Yoshi got trampled a bit but this is a mass evacuation. What about the patients?"
"What about them? We haven't checked have we?" Boo asked thoughtfully.
"Oh yeah. All of the doors were closed. I guess Mario won't mind if we explore a bit on our way back."
They exited the cafeteria and retraced their steps. Luigi grabbed a random door and tried the lock.
"Darn it!"
"You're forgetting something, hehe," Boo said with a smirk. Boo grabbed his arm as Luigi suddenly remembered.
"Oh yeah! Yoshi grab on!"
Yoshi complied. "Well okay but what are?-"
Poof!
-------
"So, did you abandon the rest for a while to wait for Bowser?" Peach asked as Mario and Bowser wheeled the beds closer to the door.
"Yes, your highness but it wasn't that long. I got a text message from Bowser and we were meeting on the roof a moment later."
"A moment? Ha!" Bowser perked up. "Plumber, it took me more than a moment to get here from Dark Land. Is your watch broken?"
"Hmm. Why the question?" Mario asked a bit confused.
"Mario...never mind."
Something else lingered in the back of her mind. She saw Bowser's left arm shove Mario, but she bandaged up Bowser's right arm! Something was just off about that earlier encounter with the doctor.
"Let's see if we can call the rest," Mario said as he wheeled Daisy out into the hall way. "Could someone do this for me? Like...Bowser?"
"Yeah yeah, mustache," Bowser said while checking his phone. "What?! Did your cheap crappy service rub off on my phone? I have no service!" Peach gasped.
"A phone blocker, which means...cutting off communication...the doors are probably locked.." Peach thought out loud. "They are holding us here for some reason!"
"What? I'm being kidnapped now?" Bowser shouted in disbelief.
----
"Shhh!"
"Yoshi, if these people are like Toad and Daisy, they won't be waking up anytime soon."
"We still shouldn't talk too loud," Yoshi said. Luigi rolled his eyes at the irony.
The room they teleported to housed a single Toad patient and like their friends, he was hooked up to no medical equipment.
"Obviously the shooed out the real staff and left the victims. This couldn't be the work of just Doctor Professor! I guess it's time to scram."
"Whoa, he's moving!" Boo said.
The Toad sat up and stared a head blankly. Luigi approached him.
"Er- hello? Guy, what's your name?"
"Sean," he answered as he continued to stare ahead.
"Do... you know where you are?"
No response.
"Maybe we should just bring him back with us," Yoshi whispered.
Luigi turned to Sean. "What do you want to do?"
"I want....I want...." Sean looked towards the group for the first time. "I want to DESTROY MARIO AND BOWSER!" He lunged towards Luigi who dodged instinctively but masterfully. Sean hit the floor and slid into a trash can.
"Boo- get us out now!"
------
Doctor Professor Koopa's hands shook as he struggled to dial a number. The office door was locked so he was safe for now, though he was starting to regret that he retreated to his own office. The voice mail played immediately.
"It's-a me, Mario! I'm-a not able to answer your call, so please leave a message for me!" *Beep!*
Doctor Professor did find the previous scuffle and his contradictory orders odd but he trusted that all was according to plan.
"Master, I need to be in the know a little more- What are you doing exactly?"
To be continued.
-----
-Yes! Mario was going to be the villain. Or was he? No, I was going to do a beta Heavy Rain PS3 plot where Mario was going to be linked to the killer in a way that makes he believe he is the killer. Of course I saw how that would not only be a tone shift deserving of another story altogether, that might make me write myself into a hole as well. So I scrapped that about a day later and wrote up what is the current chapter.
Bonus Unused angst
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Luigi contemplated. "I just feel that we might not even be in this mess if Mario hadn't let up so quickly at first. I mean, he barely objected when we were told to leave and promptly disappeared."
"What are you accusing Mario off?" Yoshi asked sharply. "Just because Mario lied about Bowser doesn't mean he's lied about anything else!"
"Yoshi!" Luigi shot back, "You are so loyal, you just think he's perfect don't you? Well, he isn't! Mario is just human and us humans screw up sometimes okay?!? And now look, Mario has abandoned us again. Yeah, about that PROMISE he made to us a while back. He couldn't even keep it for a day."
Yoshi was taken back at his tone. "But...what are you saying?"
"I'm saying...I can't believe I'm saying this but, Mario might have something to do with this!"
Everyone in the room gasped.
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Ethereum Update by Vitalik Buterin: Roundup Round III
New Post has been published on https://cryptocurrencies.space/ethereum-update-by-vitalik-buterin-roundup-round-iii/
Ethereum Update by Vitalik Buterin: Roundup Round III
Over the last month and a half we saw vigorous ongoing research and development on all sides of the Ethereum roadmap, and progress is rapidly starting to translate into real results that can be run and verified inside of an Ethereum client.
On Metropolis:
Agendas for core dev meetings 15 and 16 here: https://github.com/ethereum/pm/issues/13and https://github.com/ethereum/pm/issues/14
List of accepted EIPs here: https://github.com/ethereum/EIPs/blob/master/README.md(mostly agreed on, though we are still going back and forth on details such as gas costs)
Most of the EIPs have been implemented in C++ and Python and are being implemented in other clients; tests are being actively written and added here https://github.com/ethereum/tests/tree/develop/GeneralStateTests (see the various branches for different tests)
Clients that have not implemented GeneralStateTests could provide a docker image for   Hive testing (contact Martin Swende). All GeneralStateTests are being converted into BlockChainTests and run on Hive.
A release date has still not been finalized; the general consensus is to wait until all tests are passing on major clients before setting one. Because of the rapid increases in block difficulty, the ice age continues to be delayed; current prognosis assuming no further increases (arguably a very pessimistic estimate) is that block times will not exceed 20s until July 12, and will not exceed 30s until Sep 12.
The Ethereum blockchain has hit several new all-time highs:
Difficulty (450 TH) and hashrate (28.5 TH)
Transactions per day (187115, or ~2.16 per sec)
Gas usage per day has not yet reached the all-time high of Jun 18, when the blockchain was heavily spammed as part of the DAO attack and various counterattacks, but is nearing it with an 11-month high of 10.7 billion per day. Thatâs 1991878 gas per block, or ~45% full blocks for the day (reminder: gas limits are dynamically adjusting, so congestion with rapidly increasing fees is not likely) . Uncle rate on that day was only ~7.4%.
On various side projects:
ENS has been deployed, and auctions are ongoing.
Whisper is getting a proper API, which is in alignment with our general RPC, the API should be ready soon and a workable whisper version will be released.
Swarm has made a number of significant improvements, including (i) supporting directory upload and download via the http interface, (ii) full FUSE support, (iii) a new protocol pss for node-to-node messaging, (iv) replacing the chunk hash with a Merkle tree hash to enable more efficient data inclusion proofs. Progress toward POC3 is going at full steam.
Pyethereum development has picked up quickly:
Jan Xie and his team have successfully synced a pyethapp node to the most recent block on the mainnet.
Several bugs in the implementation have been fixed, and the client is now passing all state tests and most pre-Metropolis blockchain tests. Work to find the remaining issues is ongoing.
Most Metropolis EIPs have been implemented, including the four new precompiles.
The tester module has been revamped so that it is fully based on the Chain module, and a new and more convenient interface has been added, including functionality such as creating state tests.
Casper research is now in the process of fine-tuning the incentives for liveness, and implementing the logic inside of pyethereum. This includes:
The validator daemon
The hybrid Casper fork choice rule
Casper contracts including tests
Signature validation code, including for ECDSA and quantum-resistant hash-ladder signatures
Other research stuff:
Substantial work has been done on sharding, and specifically the dreaded âdata availability problemâ; see here: https://github.com/ethereum/research/wiki/A-note-on-data-availability-and-erasure-coding
The Sharding FAQ has been updated
Greg Colvinâs âEVM 1.5â proposals are now EIP drafts 615 and 616
Geth development:
Removed the artificial 20 shannon minimum gas limit from the transaction pool, enabling Geth nodes to accept and relay arbitrarily priced transactions. This should help enable a real gas market.
Identified a sync regression for HDD users, resulting in a heavy rewrite of fast sync code, making it much more robust and stable.
Identified and fixed a few EVM bottlenecks, causing complex contracts to execute up to 60% faster doing up to 95% less memory allocations.
Polishing the light client and its mobile bindings in collaboration with Status, Walleth and others. Preliminary proof-of-concept done for light client event retrievals.
Working on a new filtering mechanism, with very promising results, reducing the time required to filter the entire blockchain for contract events from minutes to seconds.
Investigating a new mining strategy, which should move transaction processing for miners completely parallel to mining, hence reducing the overhead of transaction inclusion to 0. This should permit miners to lower fees without transactions impacting the probability of finding blocks and/or having them included.
Slowly adding minor polishes to Puppeth, Clique and Rinkeby, such as a tiered faucet for Ether withdrawals, configurable gas dynamics for private network miners and automatic ENS integration.
An external security-audit has been performed by Truesec AB. No critical issues were found.
C++ development:
the monitoring node achieved a full sync to the mainnet
metropolis EIPs are almost complete
work on fast sync and snapshot sync has begun
Testeth tool has new option âstatediff for debug information on a praticular test case as well as new test format  GeneralStateTests (enhancement of the old statetests) [4074]
Remix:
almost finished a new static analysis module that can detect reentrancy bugs (externally contributed by âsoad003â) [508]
added a folder view to show open files inside folders â files imported via e.g. import âgithub.com/ethereum/solidity/std/StandardToken.solâ; are now visible in the folder view [449]
debugger can now display mappings [498]
rearranged tabs to provide better overview [496]
Solidity:
we released the unified standard json interface to interact with the compiler [1639]
added âinterface contractâ feature[1688]
added some more safety checks: statements without effect, and unary plus and unused variables [2139, 2152, 2199]
further work on the new intermediate language including web assembly and EVM1.5 backends [2129 and lots more]
almost finished work on exporting and especially also importing the AST (this will allow mutation testing and lots of other extensions) [1810 and others]
Mist:
Decouple geth specific hard-coded node and network handling, allow for arbitrary nodes and networks defined by local or remote clientBinaries.json
Refactor of the settings backend in preparation for a settings UI
Added macOS and Windows Code-Signing, preparing github/swarm based auto-updater
Many of the audit findings will incorporated in the coming releases
Changes to the provider will make Mist and other Projects like MetaMask and status.im more future proof, as developers donât need to depend on high level libraries not changing over time. There will be a few announcements concerning the new provider. Discussion about that is happening at https://github.com/ethereum/interfaces/issues/16
Web3.js
We are currently adding generation and signing with private keys right into web3.js. So that you can easily create wallets and sign messages in your dapps. You can find the current experimental docs here: http://web3js.readthedocs.io/en/1.0/web3-eth-accounts.html
The next steps will be adding @maiavictorâs swarm library and the new whisper API and the new web3.js should be ready for test drive by the community.
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Seducing The Muse
Some would define brainstorming as simply sitting down with your tablet, laptop or pen and paper and just waiting for the ideas to flow. If that consistently works for you... that is awesome and you deserve a good solid self five. For the other rest of us... sometimes that muse needs a little incentive to visit. I'm not saying you should put on your sexiest number every time you sit down to write. Although if that helps, do it up! What I am saying is that you need to treat your writing with the respect it deserves. Tip Number 1. You Need A Happy Place If you want to be a writer, you need to have a creative space that's just for you and your writing. After you write a few times, your mind will start to get into a habit. Your little story writing gnomes will realize, "Oh we're sitting in the writing place, it's time to get to work. This will save you a few minutes getting acclimated to your surroundings and allow your brain a little extra energy to get cracking on that story. Your writing space can be an elaborate attic filled with piles of leather bound volumes, and mysterious objects decorating hand carved oak shelves. Or it can be an old arm chair in the corner of your room covered in a soft purple blanket. Whatever your home and budget allows, just make sure that it's your sacred spot where you feel cozy and comfortable. Tip Number 2 Get inspired. Enjoy the fruits of other's creativity for a few minutes each day. Listen to music or look at artwork that fits the mood of what you're writing. Pinterest and google images have tons of cool art that can tempt your muse. Trigger that wheel to start turning. maybe even print out some art or poems that stimulate you creatively and pin them up around your creative space. Tip Number 3 Get comfortable I don't like to wear actual pants when I write. Fuzzy PJ pants are my go to wardrobe for creative time but you do you and wear what you feel most comfortable and confident wearing. For example... if your writing space is at Starbucks at your favorite table by the window... you probably want to wear pants. But if you're in cozy purple blanket chair... pants can take a hike. Unless you like them. In which case, you're different from me and I fear what I don't understand. Tip Number 4. Getting zen. Do whatever you need to do to clear your mind. If that sink full of dishes is getting your panties in a bunch, do it before you write, not after. You don't need the stress or the distraction. Trust me, your gnomes will thank you. Also, you want to be premeditating what you're about to work on. In the morning while you're shaving, making breakfast, riding the bus to work, or while you're falling asleep at night... whenever you have some time to think, try to start forming a strategy in your mind. Try to use time when you're doing tasks that allow your mind to wander This is a type of self guided meditation. Picture one of your characters. See their face in your mind. Ask them questions like you're interviewing them. Make them feel like a real person to you. The more you know your characters, the deeper your readers will connect with them. Try some world building, if it's got vampires maybe start deciding what rules you're going to adhere to. Coffin, no coffin, silver, sunlight, wooden stakes. Just get into the headspace before you ever sit down. I'm personally in that space for most of my day, no matter what I'm doing. But that's only because I want my book to be as rad as possible. Tip Number 5 Outline outline outline. you know all that stuff you were thinking about while you were in the shower. That's right. I'm talking about all those kickass plot points you were pre-brainstorming before your writing session. I know I know... Writing with no outline or "Pantsing" IS super trendy and sexy... and Stephen King does it so we all want to be that awesome... If that works for you... another self five is in order because you are one of the proud few. If you want to have a nice neat manuscript without a bunch fat dangling from the edges, make a time line for your story... make a list of chatacters... choose with care when you want to reveal information to your readers. One mistake I made when writing The Fall was doing a huge data dump about all the characters in the story. My beta's spanked me pretty hard on that one. The most honest of which told me that the story was interesting but the delivery was boring and that from a literary standpoint, the manuscript was unusable. So, I had to go back, and outline a complete storyline where the characters all got introduced slowly into the story. It only took like 3 months and an extra forty thousand words... but in the end, it was totally worth it! That being said... if i had done a proper outline to start with. It would have saved me a couple months and a lot of humiliation. Like 60 people read that first draft, and most of them did not step up for the beta read for the rewrite. But not to worry, there will always be new beta's to step up and give you a chance. As long as your story grabs them in the first few pages. Tip Number 6. The Muse doesn't care if you're not in the mood to write. Accept up front that It doesn't matter if you want to. Even if you're not working on your story. You sometimes have to force yourself to write... maybe, just blowing snot out your creative nose onto the paper is exactly what you need to get to the really good stuff. If you feel like what you're writing is crap, keep writing until it's not. You know that shitty ink that clogs up the tip of your pen makes your words all icky? You gotta scribble that shit out until the good ink starts flowing. Then your writing will smooth out. You have to trust your gnomes and your muse to eventually show up. But you have to get there first. Order the drinks and appetizers, pull out her chair... and be confident that your muse will show up and bestow upon you, an inspiring story idea. One good idea per day is all it takes. But you need to at least write down a few words. You need to be there every day keeping your gnomes limber and your brain nice and juicy. A creative mind is like a flower. you have to water it or it'll shrivel up into a dried up old husk. Make an agreement to carve out time to write even if it's only 15 min. Let's be real, you know you spend more time than that watching fail videos on youtube. You have 15 minutes. Tip Number 7. Family participation. Some writers prefer to be left alone in their creative space of solitude while they write. If you have young kids or babies, I highly recommend asking your significant other to fire up the netflix and give those kids some screentime while you work. I am lucky and belong to a small but Eccentric family and they help and contribute to my work. It is ultimately up to you if you want to hang with your family while you write or be left the hell alone. If it's the latter, make sure you set the expectation that you aren't to be bothered and that your family respects that. Tip Number 8. Set a goal. You can do a time frame like 20 minutes or an hour depending on what works for you. Or you can set yourself a word count goal. Word count is better than page count because it's more accurate. I can write a page in really big font and cheat at page counts. Set your goals small at first. 100 words. Then 200... then keep trying to beat your last word count until you are fast and efficient at what you're doing Tip Number 9. Mind Altering substances. To be clear, I'm not condoning drug use of any kind! Treat yourself to a glass of wine, or coffee, or tea... or whatever your little story gnomes enjoy. Mine like earl gray hot like captain Picard. My husband's story gnomes are annoying and love pumpkin seeds which are the noisiest snack on the planet. Maybe you like smoking out of a pipe like Gandalf while you write. Hugh Hefner does... and he's a very creative man. Whatever makes you feel like a writer, whatever gets your fingers moving... gitcha some!!! But stay in school and don't do bad drugs. Tip Number 10. Watch videos on writing and publishing on youtube to get on the right frequency to work on your writing. I personally like to watch Jenna Moreci, Vivian Reise, and Racheal Stephen for writing tips. I highly recommend that you check them out. And also, of course watch me too. Because I really really want to help push you to succeed on your writing journey. Thanks so much for reading. Please check me out on youtube.com under [email protected]. Keep an eye out for my book The Fall on Amazon and in the Kindle store. And for the love of Pete, go write your damn novel!
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