#I have some strength today so
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#I would have posted something yesterday but#I kind of collapsed#while I was out#and had to rest#heartache on a weak heart#I guess#lol#wonder when it will end#but#I have some strength today so#here you go#look at the beauty#people create#technoblade#first memorial#technoblade never dies#one of us#Youtube
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Two weeks with Aurora! Here's a recap of life so far.
Our targeted socialization was pretty successful, we managed a bunch of different experiences and she rocked them.
Monday: Busy street at rush hour
Tuesday: Train station
Wednesday: Construction site
Thursday: Bike path next to train line
Friday: Outside a coffee shop
Saturday: Baby hike in the wild
She's still doing great in overall good citizen behaviours. She has specifically been crushing:
✅ Sleeping through the night
✅ Name recognition
✅ Basic training skills
✅ Recovering from being startled
✅ Being crated quietly
Honestly she's doing amazing, I am so so proud of her. 💜
Areas for improvement for the week include:
✴ Bullying Pike (which is improving but still not great)
✴ Demand barking and overall noise level
✴ Chewing on the couch in excitment
Our biggest victories this week include:
🎉 Baby hike 2.0 with beautiful ranging, reasonable baby recall, and great enthusiasm
🎉 Calling off play with Pike on multiple occasions
Our big goals for next week:
🚀 Less harassment of Pinecone
🚀 Working through the foundation levels of the baby conditioning class I'm taking
Really excited for the next few weeks with this girl! 💜
#dogblr#rory borealis#about aurora#she is snuggling really really well without biting me#and she 'asked' for a training session the other night which was soooo sweet#i want to take her on the train today#and i want to take her to see some blow up xmas ornaments before theyre put away for the year#i would love for her to stop barking#but im remembering how loud mav was and he grew out of it pretty quickly#so im hoping she grows out of it as well#the conditioning class is pretty cool!#its for dogs 8 weeks to 8 months#conditioning is a weak spot of mine - i dont know enough to work through it on my own#so i think this was a great purchase#im excited to work through it this winter#i feel like if any dog can use more body awareness and core strength its probably a brittany#this photo is from last week by the way we have like no snow left
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wano spoilers, ch. 1036-1042
i watched the ryuma one-shot before i got to the zoro vs king fight in wano, so only now i can appreciate the name of it even more! this connection between shimotsuki ryuma and zoro keeps getting better and better
plus the parallels of kaido and king, vs luffy and zoro are so insane! smth smth about saving a person (from navy/government) and they become so loyal to you and will want you to become the king of the pirates with their whole being, where your dream becomes their own in a way. different situations and people, but there's something soooo similar, it's very interesting! (one piece really doesn't have any captain and his right-hand man with just normal relationship aksjdskjd)
(and the luffy flashback!! even this one small panel of luffy from the mihawk fight and zoro promising to be stronger for him! to stand in future as the greatest swordsman beside king of the pirate!
it's so impactful! it's incredible how much it still gives zoro the strength after all that time. i will have to watch the anime of these parts, bc i read there's their first meeting scenes reanimated! can't wait to see that!)
zoro becoming king of hell after his fight with king and because of his enma sword?!! the sword that chooses its wielder and which wouldn't serve anyone weak, which recognizes what strength means to zoro and what his dreams/goals are?? incredible, brilliant, showstopping!
and then zoro seeing death itself?? and telling it not to kill him!
it rlly makes me wonder of these consequences of the drugs he took to become stronger. (which is another stuff i keep thinking about zoro and how he always thinks of himself as weak, not strong enough.. theres a lot to unpack here, but im so tired ;-;)
+ few chapters later, 1042, there was also one panel with luffy vs kaido that caught my attention, with luffy covering his mouth saying 'don't leave me yet, strength!' which is kind of unusual for him to say to himself something like that.
(which in combination of these two fights, where it could be assumed they're happening simultaneously, it's an interesting similarity - where neither zoro or luffy's body is listening to them much. one almost dead, the other losing strength...)
#one piece#one piece spoilers#wano spoilers#zoro vs king#one piece ch. 1036-1042#uff i read these parts like at 11pm last night and im so tired but it was so good! and then the beginning of nika luffy!#i rlly want to try finish reading wano arc today *crossed fingers*#but i couldnt stop thinkign about how cool was this fight!!#king of hell!!! hell yeah!! its so cool#roronoa zoro#king the wildfire#monkey d. luffy#zolu#bc... yeah i have to make it about them somehow#mine#gif:zolu#gif:op manga#i have a lot of thoughts about zoro and strength and that connection with luffy to make him the pirate king. theyre so soulmates :')#i wanna watch the anime of this and make some gifs but too tired from work. hopefully other time after i catch up with the manga
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Concept:
Thanks to the power of the Chaos Emeralds, Super Silver is able to surround himself with rocks and debris to create a giant version of himself and essentially have a massive kaiju fight with the Big Bad™.
#Think of it like how in Sonic Movie 2 Eggman is able to create the Death Egg after he obtained the Master Emerald#(Which is surprisingly tiny in the movie but that's off-topic)#sonic#sliver the hedgehog#key's post#I was thinking about Super forms a lot today#(Throwing the whole 'Only male hedgies can go Super!' thing in the trash)#and playing around with the idea that#outside of a basic stats increase (invincibility enhanced speed enhanced strength ect.)#the Super forms help 'ultimatify' a Mobian's unique skill set#For example Super Tails' flickies would be rock & metal constructs that the emeralds made for Tails to remotely control#because Tails is a mechanic so giving him a few controllable 'robots' will help him greatly#The extra chaos energy interacts uniquely with Shadow's DNA causing a few Black Doom features to appear on Super Shadow#(Also playing around with the possibility of the Black Doom/Comet species in general having some linkage with chaos energy)#Knuckles being apart of the echidna tribe that guarded the Master Emerald has a unique Super form exclusive to him#Just little things like that to help spice up the various Supers :-)#(Btw Sonic just has a generic Super form#Nothing special he is just a baseline for the others)
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musing in the tags about the view two years out from my hysterectomy and the shifting nature of neuropathy. i asked my PT for recommendations/resources pertaining to pain science and that's been a very helpful lenses to have. i'm still not back to normal, will never be unmarked by this experience or return to my pre-op self, but my baseline has been gradually increasing over the last few months, and it feels good to look back on the last two years and say "i have no idea how i managed to function while living with that, but i did!"
#meatsuit renno#chronic blogging#ctxt#at first post-hysto pain was a deep burning ache#and eventually that lessened on my left side and settled in for the long haul on the right#after a couple weeks it had started to feel like a small carnivorous creature scrabbling and gnawing at the inside of my abdomen#nestled into the hollow of my pelvis and reaching up with its raking claws#about 6 months in and the creature still chewed occasionally but had shrunk to the size of a tennis ball under my right incision site#it clamped its jaws down and went to sleep and i perpetually felt like someone had pinched a fold of my insides with a large binder clip#this constant awful twisting tug every time i moved that kept me from straightening up or breathing fully#this is about a year into recovery and my original surgeon has blown off my requests for follow-up treatment three times now#i carried on as best i could. fatigue and brainfog getting worse & worse as the pain wore on unrelentingly#about a year and a half into recovery it worsened again. searing lancing pain like i'd been impaled on a piece of white hot rebar#couldn't hardly move. couldn't think straight. couldn't sleep#finally checked myself into urgent care & then the ER just to try to get someone anyone to take me seriously and help me#finally got a referral to a new surgeon who immediately pinned it as extreme neuropathy#started gabapentin end of december last year and the relief was immediately#i never thought i would welcome the gritted teeth vice grip of my little feral pain creature#but when i felt the molten spike slide out to be replaced once more by its worrying jaws#the intermittent spark and fizzle of that pinching squirming pain was a dramatic improvement#then i started PT in march and slowly so slowly the creature's hungry grip is loosening#it still clamps down occasionally. maybe once every week or two i'll have a day when i just accept#that there will be a horrible little creature chewing on my right side from the inside#but nowadays with the gabapentin doing as much as it can and an exercise routine i must stick to religiously to supplement PT#the pain is more of a little pearl of dark matter shifting around under my skin#it's incredibly dense. the heart of a black hole of disabling agony. all that white hot fury condensed into a slick heavy marble#as i recover some of my strength and energy i can feel my body coating it in nacreous layers to minimize its influence#my hysterectomy was 2 years and 4 days ago today and i feel like i can finally finally say i'm beginning to truly heal#i suspect i'll always carry this pearl in my side like shrapnel. product of damaged nerve tissue that went untreated for far too long#i wish my original surgeon had been more competent more attentive less lazy & indifferent to my pain. but i still don't have any regrets.
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Wooooops I let my brain atrophy again
#I started the day without a plan and the folks have been out all day#so instead of doing anything productive/creative I just rotted#I did some stretching at least#but it really doesn't feel good atm#genuinely my muscles haven't bounced back from that weird virus I had in Feb#and I probs need to work em out a bit more to start building the strength/flexibility again but it's hard and unpleasant and i don't like it#baby steps i guess#anyway horror of horrors folks are staying out even longer#so i have to feed myself without supervision#and who knows how long I'm gonna put that off#I don't feel very hungry rn but I should orepare food before I start feeling the hunger#but if I can't feel the hunger I cba with food#fuck my stupid baka life#think today's a bit of a write off#mr. bees speaks
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I long for the belt buckles to arrive.
(My crafting hobbies are at a standstill until I can finish my gambeson)
But when they do arrive!! Watch out!
#in other news! submitted a big scary application today#will submit all of the remaining paperwork as soon as I can make final edits on Monday#but on Sunday I will rest#(and probably marinate on how to improve my writing sample)#that said this coming week is shaping up to be a doozy#every single day of the week has at least one major event! some have two!!#I'm excited for all of them! I'm stepping into new roles that let me learn a lot by doing#but also! I will Need Sleep and rest as much as I can get#and food. Gotta plan my meals out so I remember to eat nutritious meals#if you spare a though for me play pray for strength and resilience and bravery#the future is scary and so is presenting in front of strangers#anywho! goodnight#hope y'all have a good week by God's grace#alsike rambles in the tags
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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can i uhhh gwt a loan of $5000 please
#let me minimalisw my payments from the $150 it is to $50 a wk or wtv.#hell ill even settle for $75 tbh .#bc i have no issue paying shit off. i can do it. but .#also off topic but i did . some dish washing today#it was 3 pieces of cutlery a cup and 2 bowls but . progress.#i woke up at like 11am feeling the deoths of despair and decided to nap all day. ive been Awake#awake for maybe an hour ? or two???#and im trying tocget the strength to fucming shower. bc ik itll make me feel better#but im so sick of feeling depressed man. i docall#i forget that . this isnt smth i can rlly Fix. its smth i just have to learn to manage and cope with but if i dont wanna#throw a tantrum everytume i wake up wity a storm cloud over my brain and thr grey feeling tintign my senses....#fr abt to just quit my job#takw mt final paycheck and book it as far as $300 in fuel will take me#only issue is my tires fucked. i cannot suppirt ymself properly without 2 companies on my ass for debt#and as impulsive as i wanna be abt this if i dont think this through i will end up jobless and homeless#which i refuse 💜
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Chronic fatigue syndrome is both aptly named but also inaccurate bc they don't talk about the flip side of it where you're so exhausted you can't sleep at all
#the pain isn't helping this but literally I'm always tired but I only got 5 hours of sleep last night and I've been up for 17 hours now#and I feel fine#like I actually have some clarity and energy#it's probably bc I tried a new electrolyte liquid water enhancer thing called buoy#and it's actually really fucking good y'all I'm pleasantly surprised#bc I am NOT a fan of sports drinks at all for both the salty taste and the strong artificial flavors#this shit is quite virtually tasteless and it can go in ANY beverage#and there's a few different kinds#but yesterday I tried the extra strength hydration drops and they were a godsend#today I tried the 'energy' version and I'm not gonna come right out and say it works but#given the fact that my brain fog was less so today despite the high pain levels#tells me it at least did SOMETHING#and yes I know I'll try it again and see what happens#anyways there's a couple other kinds as well (we got the sampler box) and I'm excited to try them too#like I've literally never been this optimistic about my hydration habits literally ever#and it's so fucking easy bc like I said there's no strong tastes which is such a fucking dealbreaker#it's why the ONLY electrolyte drink I will consume otherwise is strawberry lemonade pedialyte#I've tried quite literally every option on the market that I'm not allergic to#this is the real shit y'all
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my brain demands that maya get the vaporwave makeover too
#my kendo goddess let’s fucking goooo#so fhfjfjfjfj#my art#procreate#digital art#thisnis like level 100 procrastination we’ve reached today#akias art#maya give me strength girl 👆🙏😭#I have a job interview tomorrow so#fingers crossed#maya oc#me playing with colors at 2am#this nightcore vaporwave shit has me in a fnfjfrn chokehold seriouslyyyy#i’ve actually made some progress on her story so that’s good#nightcore
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anyone else with childhood trauma find themselves unable to believe that not everyone will get mad at them for forgetting something or failing to do something on time
#it’s so wild how professors just Do Not care if you don’t turn in work beyond docking your grade#like if I forget an assignment I don’t have someone breathing down my neck about my wasted potential or w/e#this post specifically brought to you by me having unbearable anxiety because I was barely able to practice guitar this week#& had maybe worked on the songs I was supposed to practice for a total of An hour#& he was just like. ‘that’s okay :-) do you want to work on something else today? let’s do some exercises for finger strength’#absolutely bewildering I felt like I should’ve been getting chewed out#marc.txt
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my whole body hurts SO BAD
#my back hurts pretty bad. i can tune it out a little but not ignore it. i think this is making the rest of my spine really tense? and#shoulders too? and i’ve also been getting headaches almost every day#im still a little sick but it’s probably just gonna linger until i can rest which can’t happen for a few more days (i say this like#every week though no?)#hands and wrists are like. bad worse than usual#like both numb and painful and it’s taking a lot more focus to do things nimbly or not stop stuff#*drop stuff#ankles have kinda been sore i think just from walking so much which is manageable#but it’s hard with everything else rn. also i think i kinda pulled something yesterday because i almost hit it onto the concrete while#almost BIT IT not hit#walking at night#felt like a pull? but it was painless but then i ran across the street and a numbness shot up my leg#and it’s a little tingly today#i think i need to build some more core strength honestly#and get enough sleep more than one night per week#also probably more stretches for hands and wrists#ideally i’d also love to not be enormously stressed but i do not see this happening!#im actually less stressed this week but i think the months and months if not years have done their damage#also getting beat up for fun. which i think is objectively funny to layer over all this but yknow. i think that detracts from my overall#stress & doesn’t contribute to bad exhausting pain#(-:<
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i finished the last al-cana today (and put together a Big Post with all of them) and i am now going to sleep for seven days and seven nights. i will never draw again i have reached my peak. take me away boys
#jokes aside im SO relieved and i cant wait to reveal the last couple ones I did lol#as much as i want to immediately post everything at once i Must Show Some Restraint#i think yesterdays germs incident gave me the last burst of strength i needed for this tbh#after todays yakoozie news ive gotta have SOMETHING good
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you ever think you're doing amazingly and then one day pulls the entire thing apart and you've gone back three steps and feel like shit again
#tw vent#vent post#some weight talk#i'll be fine in a couple of days but I had a really shitty day today#its making my anxiety spike again and my thoughts are spiraling a little#ive been so happy and finally felt like the things that I love doing weren't a chore anymore but now my parents are forcing me to go when i#not up that level again yet. but they are making me go anyway even though im incredibly self conscious about that day of high-intensity wor#because i haven't done it for three or four months and have lost a lot of my fitness#and i made an offhand comment earlier how ive gained a bit of weight in my thighs cause of it and then my dad said that I was#talking about it and im not going to lose the weight if i dont go. it was non-malicous and true but it still made me feel like shit#and were doing a fitness section in pe atm and that's making me feel like shit too#like ive only gained a couple of kilos and don't care about that at all. I care about the muscular strength and endurance I've lost#so now im shit at the thing I used to be really good at#just because i lost the momentum to go for a few months#that on top of other shit happening to friends etc and also end of year exams coming up is not making me feel great
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i did the thing!! again!!
second jiu jitsu class!!!
it was so fun!!
#i had a shit eating grin on my face the entire walk home#there were more people tonight and the three(?) queers immediately magnetted me in 🥹#like i got asked name and pronouns so fast!!! and then pronouns were used for me correctly!!#they went much easier on me today but also let me throw my whole strength in#the newest girl in the group has been at it a few months and she's sooo strong she was just throwing me around on the mat#and i am well over 200lbs#i might as well have weighed 20lbs to her#laying my full weight on her did NOTHING. i am SO WEAK. but i also didn't have to hold back because of my weight???#like so much of this first hurdle is learning not to be afraid of crushing people. because they can take it and it's also the point to do it#i'm gonna be surprised if i don't have some bruises XD#what a fuckin thing#i wanna get strong!!!#and i will!!!#and i also wanna take a shower!!!! right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!#narrating my life
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