#I have only myself to blame
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Me, staring at my alarm that I set for 4h and 17 minutes before my 10h shift
#the outsiders#the outsiders musical#darry curtis#brent comer#i have only myself to blame#but in my defense i was drawing Johnny
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So, I’ve been pulled down the rabbit hole of looking at stuff about the titon and oceangate so much so that it has changed my algorithm in multiple websites. Here’s the problem, I have Thalassophobia (fear of deep water ie. the ocean) and the only thing I have been getting on my tiktok feed now is either oceangate stuff or deep undersea creatures and while that’s really interesting I’d like it to stop. Here are the consequences of my actions.
#oceangate#titan#the titanic#titanic#thalassophobia#why do i do this to myself#I have only myself to blame
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sometimes i look at the fic i have been working on for over a year and just feel deep despair
#it’s 20k#so far#i thought it would be like 5k. maybe 10k max#the first half is maybe 75% done#the second half is maybe 5% done#i am not writing even close to in order so it’s not even like i can post as i go#plus as i write later scenes i wind up having to go back and change earlier scenes to fit#it is ultimately for an audience of me and maybe 3 other people#it haunts my every waking moment#i fear i will die before it is finished#i have only myself to blame
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fuck “doomed by the narrative” babe i forced this upon myself
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“I’m going to start working on Blood of Gold, i swear, i just started hyperfixating on BG3 again and-“
Having played as my spores druid durge for over 90 hrs: “What if new wip idea with them as a fleshed out OC???”
#i have only myself to blame#and there’s only a few scattered ideas#potentially combining some old wips that never went anywhere#but my fucked up little necromancer has inspired me
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#i shouldnt have let myself get so happy#it really all is too good to be true lol#i have only myself to blame#ignore me#shut up tye
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so i was using a text editor and lost 5k words of the fic i was writing and now ive finally caught back up to where i was but i'm so convinced its not as good and this is going to haunt me until i die
#i knew better than to use the editor#i have only myself to blame#its word processors on the desktop forever and ever#5000 fucking words#and i was really happy with them#now i'm very lukewarm about them#my luck truly is unhingedly bad
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the turn ‘i know the end’ edit is actually killing me and im only 17 seconds done
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New project I'm working on. Not gonna lie, pretty chuffed with it so far
#merlin emrys#bbc merlin#merlin#merlin bbc#fanart#art#traditional art#traditional illustration#i wrote a poem to go with my big merlin story#then decided it needed to be illustrated#then decided it needed to be a book#i have only myself to blame#book binding#eventually#my attempt at pretty handwriting is an abject failure however
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OC doodles of my boy Gattony I love him so much ugh
#my art#oc#original character#original story#artists on tumblr#It's a pain in the ass to draw him though#I have only myself to blame#I chose to design him like that#Yes he looks awesome and hot but at what cost#My hand hurts that's what cost
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💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚
please,,,, i am too wealgthy!!!! my hous is flooded!!!! who did you all kill for this???!
mercy !!!!!! gaaaaa
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librarians are the best. im unfortunately really bad at returning things on time (bc my dumbass checks out 30 books at a time and never learns my lesson so things tend to get returned a few days late and when a bunch of books are turned in late for $0.30 here and $1.50 there, it starts to add up) so i end up having to pay off fees a few times a year and today i went in and i was trying to pay with cash so i had to talk to a librarian instead of using a kiask and she just.... waived all of my fees. last time a librarian did that for me she said it's bc the system showed everything had been returned so since none of the fees were lost item fees she was just gonna waive them all and that might've been what happened today, but. yay for me! (i need to chill out with how much i check out at one time though)
#usually I'll renew the items but sometimes I'll hit the renewal limit or the item will be requested or it'll be a lucky day copy#but I'll be in the middle of reading the book and keep it for a few days passed the return date#ngl... for being a free service the library has made some decent money from me#i have only myself to blame#text post#if a librarian is reading this im sorry#but! i do genuinely return every item... eventually
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my last physics exam this semester ! ! ! and my overconfident ass thought the night before said exam was sufficient. never mind the final German exam next Friday and biology next Monday. and french. and the penultimate math exam. plus all of the things i have yet to submit and the book that i should've almost finished last week but haven't got past the introduction and the chapters we read in class. most of those impending exams will count 40-50 % of my final grade.
#rip me i guess#i have only myself to blame#:)#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh#AHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAJH
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Going on holiday with my friends was a great time however a drawback is that none of us are smart enough to try and maintain a sleep schedule I've just spent a week where I went to sleep at some time between 4am-8am and now I'm back at work with a brain that wants to be in deepest possible sleep! I have burnt my fingers 3 times so far! Soldering is a job for a rested mind.
#eepy#i have only myself to blame#but also my friends#will this bitch ever get a good nights rest?#i guess we'll never know#sleepy#holiday#adhd#autism#solder#soldering#electrical
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I need to tell myself to stop trying to make conversation here when I know it makes no sense
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a glass sun 1/2
#my art#my stuff#this is really fucking long so im gonna have to break it up into multiple reblogs#(howling) WAUGHHHHHHH#i love aishang by xiaoshiguniang#i love to implicate my alma mater in my art about being gay in the shittiest most conservative corner of singaporean society#by some terrible trick of fate i ended up in the conservative chinese christian cishet circuit from primary school to end of hs#obviously i am not most of these things but there i was. Depressed#and there i was after that at Liberal Arts College. the 4 years i spent there were a clusterfuck#but like a good and outrageous and lively clusterfuck#and i graduated in may this year and when i came back it was for the first time in 10 months. it was like. what da hell#like i love being here in specific ways but there is also the pain of being seen as something you're not constantly#can i blame them? i ask myself this every day. for most of my ex classmates and relatives i Am the only not cis person they know#idk my lottery number was bad this corner of society really is that bad#and so its like. idk dawg anyway i aint offering solutions but u get it like it fucks with your head to be misgendered either which way 24/#but to leave them behind would be to leave the only people who knew me for the first 19 years behind. and thats a lot of my life#i am 23!!!!!! ough#anyway. whatever. if u liked it i have a ko-fi#reblogos appreciated
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