#I have no fucking idea what could change abt me that leads to me passing

[hzrnvm]

i'm drowning in sadness for no reason

[starglow-xx]

hello! may i request headcanons for chuuya having a crush on someone who's dense? like he could ask them out in the most straightforward way possible and it would still go over their head?

yes, yes of course you may!

sorry this took so long! my computer was out of commission for abt a week (or two..??)

but this is also my birthday writing piece for chuuya!! (4/29/21) i even added a small drabble thingy in addition to the hcs for the occasion hehe

from where i am, it is about fifteen minutes past midnight so it’s officially chuuya day here!!

happy birthday chuuya i love you! you deserve the whole world and everyone is willing to fight tooth and nail to ensure your happiness! we love you! 💗💗

anyways, i hope you all enjoy this! i kinda had some writer’s block but it was still a lot of fun to write! there might be some mistakes, but i’ll scan over it again later. reader is gender neutral! have fun!

chuuya having a crush on a dense! reader

nakahara chuuya x gn! reader

im cackling somebody help him

he’s frustrated bc you can’t take a hint or a thousand but he can’t even be mad bc he’s whipped

“look at you all dressed up today, wanna go out later? my treat?”

“oh really? thanks chuuya-san! you’re such a nice friend. i’ll go invite the others right now, i’ll see you later!”

“...”

fast forward to later in the evening and he finds himself at a little restaurant with the black lizard + higuchi and akutagawa

sigh

in unison all of them go, “thank you for the meal chuuya-san!” (except aku and hirotsu are quieter & and gin just a nods hehe)

“no problem” (ꐦ ´͈ ᗨ `͈ )

gin only pats him on the back in sympathy

he spends a lot of time trying to think of ways to make it absolutely and undeniably clear that he has feelings for you

he always fails

“(y/n) i like you”

“i like you too chuuya-san”

“really?”

“mhm”

“t-then will you—”

“you’re a really great friend! and superior too”

“...nevermind”

“oh were you saying something?”

“nah, just forget about it”

tachihara is laughing in the corner of the corridor

dont worry, chuuya made sure to get back at him

chuuya’s been pinning after you for years and frankly, his failed attempts to woo you has lead everyone to the breaking point

and i mean everyone

yes, even aku

hell even dazai

but dazai also thinks it’s funny, so he doesn’t mind all that much

okay bye bye dazai-san this headcanon set isn’t abt you rn

PLEASE EVERYONE FEELS SO BAD FOR HIM

they knew even if he kissed you, you still might not get it

so they decided to help him

super secret mission get chuuya and (y/n) together is a go!

they’re still working on a proper mission name, don’t mind them

they had a super secret strategy meeting!

you can bet your ass that they nearly got nothing done

akutagawa & kaiji weren’t much help, neither was higuchi, mori, or elise

tachihara nearly got killed for a thoughtless comment

“just tell them chuuya-san!”

“i already fucking did you ass!”

gin, hirotsu, and kouyou were the most helpful !!

hirotsu and kouyou both agreed on the idea that chuuya should try courting with bouquets of flowers instead of flat out asking you bc they knew you found them pretty

(even if you don’t identify as a female, flowers are for everyone no matter gender or sexuality! so let’s normalize giving flowers to everyone <33 )

gin didn’t speak but she used cards to communicate

everyone knew that you weren’t stupid (you wouldn’t have survived in the mafia if you were) but they did know that you were only stupid when it came to all this lovey dovey stuff

i mean, if chuuya gave you flowers every so often, there’s no way that you wouldn’t piece it together at some point

right...??

but kouyou assured him that even though you wouldn’t get it right away, you’d appreciate the gestures and that he’ll stand out more

she even said that if someone gave her flowers, she would appreciate it, whether or not she reciprocated their feelings

it takes guts to be so up front with your feelings after all

gin and hirotsu only nodded with her explanation

once again, this only provoked a reaction out of tachihara

“what do you know gin? i get the old man and kouyou-san, they’re grown, but you? what do you know abt courting? or flowers? what are you a girl?”

akutagawa choked on his cough, higuchi on air, and on the other side of yokohoma at the ada, dazai is cackling

yes, dazai somehow placed a listening device onto chuuya’s hat and was listening in

don’t ask how, it’s dazai

“DAZAI GET YOUR BANDAGED ASS OFF THE COUCH AND STOP LAUGHING”

anyways

the next day, chuuya did what was barely discussed and for once, things actually started to look up

until they started look to down again

at first, it actually looked like you understood his intentions after he gave you a bouquet of flowers

literally everyone was leaning against the opposite hallway you two were in and then they got excited !!

especially chuuya !

but then your expression sort of changed...??

and then in their heads they simultaneously went, “oh no”

they knew that expression

it was very familiar when you tended to friend zone chuuya

but boy let me tell you what you said next made them facepalm and or make their jaws drop

“ah, so you really are friend zoning me huh chuuya-san; what a shame, i really did like you”

LEMME TELL YOU WHEN I SAY THAT CHUUYA WAS DISTRESSED I MEAN HE WAS DISTRESSED

you liked him??

him of all people??

he wasn’t complaining, no of course not, but he still couldn’t believe it

but that wasn’t what he was really focusing on right now

what in any form or language did it say he was friend zoning you?!

flower language apparently

chuuya chose to buy the bouquet of yellow roses, pink carnations, and yellow carnations bc he thought you would appreciate the brighter colors, and so that you’d remember them better (because remembering them, meant remembering him)

but ooh boy

altogether, they meant the exact opposite message he wanted to send

someone help him pls

“you see chuuya-san, yellow roses mean friendship, pink carnations mean gratitude, and yellow carnations mean rejection; sooo in a nutshell, these pretty much say ‘thank you for being my friend, but im rejecting you”

no one can tell if tachihara is crying or wheezing

and dazai is having the time of his life

yes, he started listening in on him again

and chuuya is just stunned

like speechless and unmoving stunned

is he just bad at this whole courting/dating thing?? it’s only been one day and of it and somehow he was the one doing the rejecting??

“thank you for the flowers chuuya-san, i’ll be going now; i’ll make sure to let this affect our friendship. i’ll see you tomorrow!”

you passed by the not so subtle group of people

“tachihara-kun..?? are you alright?”

just for context, he was leaning his forehead against the wall using his forearm

again, it was hard to tell whether he was crying or wheezing

“i-im okay (y/n)-san...i think c-chuuya-san has it worse than me”

“...okay..?”

BACK TO CHUUYA

he’s still frozen poor baby

but it’s okay bc after like 5 more seconds he’s chasing you down the hallway you were walking in

kouyou, with a knowing smile on her face, ushers everyone away towards the opposite direction

she received some whines (ahem, tachihara and mori) but silenced them by summoning golden demon

but it’s okay

if they run fast enough, they can see what happens through the security cameras

chuuya caught up with you and tried to explain everything but he was exhausted

emotionally, physically (bc since when did you walk that fast??), and generally just tired with the whole situation

he just wanted to call you his; was that too much to ask??

as explosive as he can be, he can be calm and collected too

and he really did try to be that way as he talked with you but it was very difficult at the moment

the dumbfounded and confused look on your face his face twitch with annoyance and his heart started beating faster bc god you were cute

BUT THATS BESIDES THE POINT RIGHT NOW

thank goodness after what seemed like years, you finally somewhat understood what happened

you didn’t understand completely but it was something

The two of you stood in the middle of the unusually empty hallway facing each other, you with the bouquet still in hand. It was quiet as you and Chuuya assessed the situation.

You looked at him skeptically and he stared right back you with his gorgeous blue eyes.

“...So you do like me Chuuya-san??”

“Yes”

“And you were trying to court me just now, not friend zone me??”

“Yes”

You got most of your questions out of the way, but there was something that you’ve been wondering about for quite a while.

“...So you’re not gay for Dazai-san??”

“Yes, im not wait—GAY FOR DAZAI?? THAT MACKEREL??”

Chuuya did a double take. What in heavens name made it seem like he liked that suicidal maniac?? Why would he choose him if he had you?

Like he would choose him anyways; or ever consider him as a possible romantic partner.

“Oh, so you are?”

“NO! I SAID I LIKED YOU DIDN’T I?”

“Well yeah, but I thought you liked Dazai-san too. As annoying as he is, he can be quite charming—”

He was out of patience at this point (nope definitely not because you were talking about Dazai who told you that?) and just decided to kiss you.

You immediately melted into the kiss and kissed him back with the same amount of love and feeling.

Letting the bouquet fall to the ground, you wrapped you arms around his neck and his put his on your lower back and brought you closer to him. After a few more moments, the two of you broke apart for air.

The two of you, slightly out of breath, leaned your foreheads against each other and just basked in each others presence.

Chuuya looked into your (e/c) eyes and asked you just a little bit above a whisper, “Now do you get my intentions and feeling?”

You blinked at him before breaking out into a grin, “Hmm I’m not sure; do you wanna do that again Chuuya?”

The red head only blinked back at you before rolling his eyes, a smile present on his handsome features, his heart fluttering at you using his name with the honorific.

“Dumbass”

Smiling cheekily at him, you pressed a kiss on his cheek and started dragging him towards the lobby to take a walk around the building perimeter, knowing that the two of you can’t be too far from work.

The way down to the lobby was mostly in comfortable silence until you said something that made Chuuya want to bash his head against the wall.

“You know, you could’ve just told me you liked me Chuuya. It’s not like I would’ve said no.”

Once again, as the rest of the more power mafia members watch from security cameras, it is hard to tell whether Tachihara is crying or wheezing of laughter.

omake !!

The two of you just started making your way around the building when suddenly a very familiar voice came from Chuuya’s prized hat.

“Chuuyaaaa!! It was about time you stopped being a chicken, Chibi!”

Removing his hat from his head, he started yelling at it not knowing exactly where the listening device was planted.

“TEME! HOW DID YOU—”

“And (y/n)! I would congratulate you, but I think I would rather offer you my condolences. Why him?! He’s just a slimy slug. OOH OOH how would you like to join me in a double suicide?! A shame it won’t be a lover’s suicide but it’ll annoy Chuuya so I think it’ll be worth it! ”

“YOU—”

“And please don’t kiss while I’m listening in. You made me lose my appetite! And it was such a shame! I was eating crab using Kunikida-kun’s money! Do you know what you’ve cost me?!”

“DAZAI YOU PIECE OF—”

“Ah! Kunikida-kun is here! I have to go!”

You can hear something is the background that vaguely sounds like, “DAZAI YOU WASTE OF BANDAGES STOP USING MY MONEY”

“DAZAI DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE IM NOT DONE WITH—”

*Click!*

The click sound from the hat revealed that Dazai disconnected.

Chuuya twitched and glared furiously at his signature hat hating that the voice he hated the most came out of it.

“Aww, I didn’t get to talk to Dazai-san”

Chuuya whipped his head towards you, a look of mock (or real) betrayal showing on his features.

You laughed at him before taking the hat out of his hands and placing it on his head.

He shyly looked away before muttering a thanks making you smile wider. Just as the two of you were about to start walking, a small explosion erupted from his hat; it was likely that Dazai made the listening device self destruct.

“DAZAI YOU BASTARDD”

At the Armed Detective Agency, a certain suicidal maniac hid from the wrath of his current partner as he thought about the wrath his old one.

“Hmmm I wonder if Chuuya would finally stop wearing his ugly hats if I blow all of them up...”

as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

[falcqns]

Hi i was wondering if you do like a Chris Evans x reader like chris decided to pull a prank on the reader like hes being mean to her for a whole day like he got the reader her favorite food and when the reader ask why chris didnt get any chris just said hes not hungry and the reader is abt to eat when chris steal her food and said hes hungry and the reader was like “can i get one bite? I didnt eat anything today🥺” and chris said no and the reader was like please and chris still said no and the reader just get an apple and sit there and chris continue to be mean to the reader and the reader cried or something and chris apologizes and said it was a prank. Thank you if you end up doing my request 😩❤️

meanie

pairing: chris evans x wife!reader

warnings: angst!! fluff, mentions of divorce

a/n: hope you enjoy!!

you had no idea what you had done.

your husband had seemed happy last night, but when he woke up, he seemed to be a completely different person.

he had barely said two words to you the entire day, and when he did talk to you, he was short and snappy. he didn’t smile at you, he didn’t give any affection. no kisses, no hugs, nothing.

you’d thought originally that he was just having an off day. and while it doesn’t excuse his behaviour, it would explain it. but, Scott called him just after lunch, and he seemed to be his normal happy self.

you had selfishly thought he was back to normal, but then he muted himself and snapped at you when you asked if he wanted to come on Dodgers walk with you.

when you got home from the walk with Dodger, he was gone. he didn’t even leave a note, he just left.

you knew he wouldn’t do that for no reason, you had abandonment issues from a previous relationship so he knew better than to do something like that. you’d tried calling and texting him, but he didn’t answer. you tried to track his phone, but he turned off the location. he didn’t even leave a note.

you’d just got off the phone with Lisa, who had no idea where her son was either, when Chris walked through the door with your favourite food.

you smiled, thinking everything was fine now, and went to eat your first meal of the day.

he gave you the food, and when you asked if he wanted any, he said no, and walked away, but just as you went to open the bag, he walked back into the kitchen and took his, saying that he changed his mind.

he walked into the living room with it, leaving you standing in the kitchen with tears welling up in your eyes. you willed them away, and once they were gone, went to ask Chris if you could have some.

he said no. you were even more confused. why was he being so mean? you asked again, and explained that you hadn’t eaten anything all day, and he said that that was your fault, and he was hungry.

you sighed, and walked to the kitchen. you grabbed an apple, washed it, and headed to the bedroom. you’d barely made it through the doors, when your tears came back full force, and you sunk to the ground with your apple in one hand.

you sat there, eating your apple, and crying. once the apple was gone, you’d realized that you shouldn’t put up with his bitchy attitude. he was being so nice to everyone, except you, and you had no idea why. if you had done something, why didn’t he just tell you?

you disposed of the apple core, and grabbed your gym duffel out of the closet. you threw your toiletries, electronics, and a few sets of outfits inside before zipping it up.

you slung it over your shoulder, and headed down the hallway.

as soon as you passed the living room, Chris spoke up.

“where are you going?” he asked, and you turned to face him.

“away. i don’t know for how long, but yeah.”

his brow furrowed. “why?”

you scoffed. “why? you’re really asking me why?” you asked, and Chris nodded, still confused. “you’ve been mean to me all day! what have i done to you? you’ve been short and snappy with me, but have been nice to Scott and your mom. you brought home my favourite food, and then ate it in front of me when i haven’t eaten anything because i’ve been wondering what the hell i did wrong to make you so pissed off! so i’m leaving! i’m done with it! i’m not having a repeat of my last relationship!” you exclaimed, and walked out of the house, your husband trialing behind you.

“baby, it was a prank,” he explained, a smile on his face. you flipped around to face him.

“A PRANK?! THATS YOUR IDEA OF A PRANK?! MAKE YOUR WIFE WORRIED SICK ABOUT WHAT SHE DID WRONG?! BE MEAN TO YOUR WIFE, REFUSE TO LET HER EAT, AND REDUCE HER TO TEARS ALL FOR A PRANK?!” Chris’s face paled. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” you screamed, and slapping him across the face.

you threw your bag in the car and walked around to the other side. you got in and turned it on. Chris grabbed the door handle.

“baby, c’mon. i’m sorry. it was a bad prank, and i shouldn’t have done it. just don’t do this. don’t leave. i need you.” he begged, tears rimming his blue eyes. at least he knows what he did was wrong, you thought.

“Chris. let go of my door. i’m leaving and that’s that. now maybe you’ll know how i felt for 6 hours today when you were gone.” you said and pulled out of the driveway, forcing Chris to let go of the handle.

you pulled onto the street, and glanced back at Chris, who was watching in disbelief as his wife drove away.

you pulled into your favourite restaurant, and ordered the food that was so harshly ripped from you earlier, before parking in a school parking lot to eat. you looked back at your bag, and thought about your options.

you knew you weren’t overreacting, but you couldn’t live without Chris. you were putting your debit card back into your wallet, when you saw one of Chris’s credit cards.

he told you that you needed it, in case you got stranded somewhere, and needed money. he made more money than you did, so it made sense for you to have it. you’d never used it, but there was a good $2000-$3000 on it, and it was only 3pm on a Saturday, so all the malls were still open.

you sighed, and pulled into the lane that would lead to the nearest mall.

by the time you made it home, it was 9 pm. you walked in the house with the bag you packed, as well as numerous shopping bags. Chris wasn’t on the ground floor of your shared home, and you could hear him talking to his mom in your bedroom, so you made a beeline to the guest room.

you stayed in there the remainder of the night, not answering the door when Chris realized you were home and had barricaded yourself inside the room.

you heard him take Dodger out for another walk, and you decided you shouldn’t have to sleep on the guest room bed, and decided to switch rooms.

you locked yourself in your room, but left your bags in the guest room. you got ready for bed, and had just shut the light off when he knocked on the door, begging you to let him in, which you didn’t.

after about 10 minutes, he gave up on getting you to talk to him, and resigned to sleeping in the guest room for the night.

when you woke up the next morning, you were on a mission.

the shopping had really cleared your head yesterday, and you knew just what you had to do.

you marched down the stairs to where Chris was making you breakfast, and cleared your throat.

he turned around and was about to walk to you when you held out a hand to stop him before you spoke.

“i want a divorce.” you said simply, and watched as all the colour drained from Chris’s face.

“w-what?” he stuttered, and you repeated your sentence.

“i said i want a divorce.”

Chris dropped the spatula as tears rimmed his eyes.

“please don’t do this. i’m sorry for what i did. i shouldn’t have pranked you like that. i thought you’d figure it out, or you’d find it funny after. i-i wasn’t thinking. i’m sorry. please don’t leave me. i cant live without you.” He begged, his tears spilling over.

you shook your head. “there’s nothing that you can say that will stop this from happening. you crossed a line. i’ve put up with a lot of your pranks, but i won’t put up with this one. it was wrong, and it shouldn’t have happened. i don’t want to be with someone who thinks it’s okay to treat me like that.” you stated. you pulled your wallet out of your pocket, and grabbed his card out. “here’s your credit card. we’re done.” you said, and walked away, leaving Chris dumbfounded in the kitchen.

Chris hadn’t moved from the spot you left him in.

you wanted a divorce?

he thought you’d never say something like that, but then again, he crossed a major line yesterday. he thought you’d find it funny, but apparently you didn’t.

he eventually sunk to the floor, and remained there, until you entered the kitchen again. he looked up to you, trying to convey all the pain and misery he was feeling at the idea of you leaving him, and was shocked to see a smile on your face.

you crouched to his level, and giggled.

“now you know what it’s like to be pranked like that.” you said simply.

it took Chris a second to realize what that meant, but when he did, he threw himself into your arms, and sobbed in relief.

[scolopendress-tag]

I said I'd make a post detailing my kid Asra working for Lucio theory in this post so here it is! 

So Let's get STARDED.

So! To start off, how it began. We do know when Asra and Muriel were kids, Lucio came to them each seperately with a deal.

Essentially: work for me, or I'll hurt your friend.

This was the sentiment he repeated for both of them. So, not wanting the other to be harmed, they both agree - unaware of the other's deal.

For Muriel, it was playing heel/excecutioner at the coleseium. For Asra, it was doing... Well, we never know, aside from he worked under Lucio. But that's what we are here to discuss in any case.

Continued under the read more, for the sake of people's dashes.

Now presumably, if I got my timeline right, Asra at this time would've been around 12 or 13. We don't know much about how Asra was when he was younger, other than that he has certainly changed.

It's also worth noting that it's not amiss to say they were both also still homeless at the time, and the hut hadn't come into the play until after.

Asra was still living on the streets.

This all isn't overly important for any of my claims later, but perhaps someone else could make something of it. It does provide us with some framing for the situation as a whole, though.

Now onto Asra's time under Lucio. I don't know that we have any indication of how long it was, but presumably at least a year if not more.

We do also know that Lucio knew who Asra was. Both in that he knew Aisha and Salim had a kid, and that he knew Asra was said kid.

This is bring this up because we know Aisha and Salim were incredibly talented, and likely incredibly powerful. Lucio wouldn't settle for any run of the mill magician or alchemist for the work he needed. So he must've had some idea that Asra may take after that power as well.

To top it off, he also interacted and talked with the dock kids he also used, (two of which would actually later become palace guards,) and seeing as this is seemingly how he learned of Muriel, it's not off to think that this is also how he heard of Asra again to start. The kids knew of Asra's magic, and roughly where he was, and could've even continued talking about both Muriel and Asra to Lucio for unknown amounts of time.

So now Lucio knows that the kid of his two powerful practitioners of magic is not only still around, but taking after them as well.

If Muriel's intimidating size and physical power are what drew Lucio to him, why wouldn't Asra's considerable metaphysical power and talents draw Lucio in as well?

We know how much Lucio loves power, and that he has an interest in magic because of it, as mentioned in the main story. (no ss sorry... If you have one send so I can add. )

Plus, homeless kid in a vulnerable spot. Easy pickings.

That's what I think this whole thing was about, really. It's all power. Though Asra likely didn't have the full scope of power he does in the current game, he was probably still considerably talented, and was only getting better.

What Lucio specifically probably wanted from Asra then was either to be taught how to use that power, to use Asra for things that required it, and/or use his power for entertainment akin to how he used Muriel.

I think out of these however, using him for his power was most likely. Why? (And teaching him now, more on that further down)

(Sorry for bad quality lmao it's a small image. Also thanks to @8-bit-space for showing these to me like months ago. As you can see I can't stop thinking abt it)

These are screenshots from the old prologue. While they're not canon any more, there's reason to believe they still hold merit as to how Lucio feels about Asra.

Two things to me are major here. First is the "powerful potent magic," and how it's the "real deal," equating to a large part of how he views Asra yet again tying back to a heavy interest in his power. Now, you could argue this relates to using his powers in the palace during the plague, but the second point stands out even more to me.

"The one who broke him for me?"

What this implies to me is that Lucio could never quite get all the way through to Asra or control him when he was younger, and he's been dying to do so. He wanted Asra broken, presumably so that he'll become essentially a tool for him to use for his skill and not put up a fight- something Asra likely did as a child.

Because it seems that Lucio for the most part relied on control through fear when it came to Asra, threatening to hurt Muriel, lying to him about how he executed his parents, likely other things as well. But things seem to point to that never quite working like he had hoped.

This could allude to this as well. Though "impossible" is something Asra's been called a few times, namely also by Julian, there's no reason to assume Lucio wasn't also including his work with him as a kid in "always". Impossible to hate could be his draw to Asra for his power, his talent, his skills, the prospect of which I'm sure Lucio found practically mouthwatering. Impossible to love could be his stubbornness or reluctance to do what Lucio wants, always pushing against him or being hard to deal with, both as a kid and during the plague.

And lines like this, where he calls him a coward. I find it hard to relate this to the plague ritual as he was for the most part willingly helping with that, so it could be resenment for when Asra eventually ran off as a kid, unwilling to put up with him any longer, or his reluctance to do certain things for him then in general.

We know, and it has even been mentioned by a character within the canon, that Asra can be incredibly stubborn, to back that up. Plus, he could've been even harder to work with then both being a kid and as I mentioned earlier he has changed from how he was then, so he could've had more spunk to him or such.

This also easily means that what Lucio was trying to get Asra to do then was something Asra was quite obviously opposed to. Being used for his power is already degrading enough, but there could be more to it.

You'll notice in the post that was linked at the top (the reason I'm writing this) I mentioned pushing Asra to his physical limits and magical extremes. This could be one of the reasons for a push back.

If Lucio was having Asra do things for him involving magic, it's not out of pocket to assume he'd practically run him into the ground- I'm sure he really wouldve loved testing the limits of what Asra could REALLY do.

Wether it be huge expendure of power all at once, or tons of smaller things one after the other, it would absolutely take it's toll. We are shown a few times that using magic can exhaust someone, and I don't remember if this is shown in canon ever (tell me if so!) but pushing it even further could definitely lead to other things such as passing out, (Or nosebleeds, for the aesthetic,) alongside likely being incredibly painful and draining, both mentally and physically.

Basically, abusing his powers and the body that commanded them. It's also possible that the stubborness to work with Lucio could also be partially percieved because of this- Lucio taking Asra's literal physical inability to continue as defiance.

Another reason for push back from Asra would be making him do morally compromising things. This is a little more vague, but intimidation is a common headcanon I see for what Lucio made Asra do, and that could tie in here. Other things could be meddling in things and business he shouldn't, but again, it's a vague thing. Make of it what you will. Fucked up stuff all around.

[EDIT - TEACHING LUCIO]

(THANK YOU @tea-tye for showing me these, and credits to @hangedman-magician for the video they came from!!!!!!!)

...I cannot BELIEVE I forgot this, I KNEW I was missing something. Especially when I was fairly certain I remember Lucio being obsessed with the idea of magic. SO, MOVING ON,

There's not terribly much to pick apart here as it's rather direct- Asra saying he has in fact tried to teach Lucio magic. So in my eyes this solidifies that this was a component of Asra's time under Lucio. I still think my points about Lucio treatment (pushing Asra to his limits) stand, as well.

This can also tie in the stubborness mentioned as, well, can you imagine teaching Lucio? Asra backs this up by saying nothing he has ever said stuck with Lucio, and you know how Lucio gets when things don't go his way. He would've blamed his inability to learn on Asra, likely.

Looking to other quotes mentioned: the 'broke him' line still rings to me like he was trying to use Asra in other ways, and the 'coward' line could go either way from refusing to teach Lucio certain things, or refusing to do certain things for Lucio when he was merely being used. The "impossible" line could also go for others, as trying to teach someone like Lucio would've undoubtedly caused some head butting.

This is certainly really exciting and interesting to me as it gives a more complete picture on the exact situation at hand here. I still stay by my reasoning for Lucio simply using Asra as well on top of being taught because it seems highly likely that Lucio would've been too impatient to learn to do certain things himself, and like I said as well, I don't doubt he also just wanted to see what Asra was REALLY capable of. Something he could've saw as a tantalizing insight into the kind of power he could aquire of this kid would just... work with him.

NOW we have a MUCH clearer answer as to what exactly Asra was likely doing under Lucio, or at this point, almost certainly doing. It's a sad picture for Asra of course, but with this you can draw some interesting points as to how he could've been affected by this, as I'm sure it would've left some kind of imprint on him.

Sure it may not have been as traumatic as what Muriel went through, but when you look at it, it's hard to say it DIDN'T leave it's scars. If we consider all the points presented in this post truth we have:

A 12/13 yo homeless child, threatened with his friend's life to work for the Count that he knew was the one responsible for orphaning him and making him homeless in the first place.

Said child believing his parents are still alive, and as we see in Travel at Night, could very likely still be trying to find them. In a situation like Asra's that glimmer of hope probably was a big deal in helping him push on. This may also be a reason he agreed on top of Muriel's safety.

While working under the count, he is told that his parents were executed, no doubt devastating. The manner in which this was mentioned is up for debate, and could affect exactly how it was taken. Options could be Lucio joking or bragging about it (treating it as trivial or an accomplishment), or using it to threaten Asra, (as in I killed your parents, I'll kill you too,) both would work when it comes to controlling by fear.

It is also mentioned that Lucio told him the reason for his parents execution is that they messed up his gold arm, so Asra also has the knowledge that his parents were killed over something so unbelievably trivial.

Being used as a source of power and nothing else, both for teaching and pure work/entertainment, all for the man who killed his parents, day after day.

Being pushed to physically painful and mentally draining limits, expending so much energy that he completely exhausts himself, day after day.

Likely taking all sorts of verbal abuse from Lucio, day after day.

Like mentioned earlier, it seems clear that Lucio wanted to break Asra, so some other form of trying to chip away at his psyche to make him more convenient for Lucio is likely as well.

Those points alone, to yet again a CHILD no less, seem more than enough to cause some traumatic impact, and depending on certain specifics of what exactly went on during that time, it could be worse. I may make a post looking into the long lasting effects of this on Asra, I may not. It would mostly be headcanon regardless. If you want to add your hc relating to this situation though, I'll gladly reblog it!

And now that we are closing out, it's time to revise my summary. So, without further ado, THIS is what I think was going on during this time.

Lucio knows of Asras existence and parentage.

Lucio learns Asra is around and that he's got power.

Lucio LOVES power, so he threatens Asra into working for him.

Lucio uses Asra for his power and to be taught how to use it for himself.

While using Asra for his knowledge and power, runs him into the ground by pushing his limits to physical and magical degrees, possibly even moral.

Asra pushes back against a lot of this, or is at least percieved to, frustrating Lucio.

Lucio does what he can to try and control Asra even more, primarily via fear, but can't seem to crack him.

Eventually it's too much, and Asra leaves. Likely when the plague hit like Muriel, but it's possible it could've been somewhat sooner. Lucio is PISSED, because he wanted that magical power all to himself.

Less related, I can see Lucio trying to brush it off and pretending to be fine with it, excuse being "he was too difficult to work with, anyways," or something.

...And then... years later, as far as Lucio sees it, Asra comes crawling back- and he's tamed down to a degree! He's actually working with him. Lucio might not know what or who did it, but Asra is finally broke for him, and I'm sure he was absolutely ecstatic to have that power back in his hands- and more than ever before.

Think of all of this as you would like!

At the end this is all still speculative, so definitely feel free to make your own points or say if you feel any different abt anything- expansions or counters on this theory/headcanon welcome!

And if you also have any other screenshots or info not here that could add to the theory or change the outlook of certain things definitely add them!!! I feel like I'm missing stuff for sure, and my memory has probably muddled some things (hopefully I didn't get anything wrong, though.)

And @asrascherry thanks for the offer in helping word my hcs also! I forgot to say that. This one is just so long I wouldve felt bad bringing it all to you 😔 it's probably still messy as a result but I tried lmao (worried it's repetitive or unclear 😬)

Uh yeah! That's mostly it for NOW.

+All the love to Asra for going through so much I'm so sorry bb,,

Thanks for reading!

[dissonantdreamer]

Not sure if you got a chance to listen to some of Dina’s lines (elliesjournals posted the captions- the queen 👑), but what do you think of her saying the Ravens disappeared? Sounds really weird and sketchy to me. She also talks abt how she “after everything she’d [Talia] been through” Dina found comfort in Talia’s faith. Makes me think your hcs post for Talia being really solid abt her doing some sketchy stuff as well- you’re really observant! :0

"in the end they all just disappeared not even sure if they where taken out or just fled, not sure if they were taken out or just bolted"

That leads me to believe I was onto something with my post thinking about the Ravens and what they might be like. Modern day militias fall apart and reassemble. Or they disband entirely. They don't have the community. Each individual has their idea of the constitution and what about it needs protection, there is no cohesion, no unifying thought. If someone doesn't like the leadership, they undermine the whole group. The other thought is that, while not entirely disbanded something eradicated a chunk of their numbers, an infected attack or people fought them when they realized how pathetic they really were. Playing their twisted version of heroes when they barely could keep each other in line. The remaining members knew well enough to fall back when their numbers were weak, seek out weaker targets elsewhere.

Even the Rattlers had some twisted form of camaraderie. Sure you were with other bastards and could get fucked over, but the members seemed to acknowledge and accept that outcome. They all were in it to mess with and torture people pit fights with infected seem to be common as well as tests of skill. I can see there being a lot of gambling to past the time (sidenote, i wonder if there are a group in Nevada that operates similarly but they've adapted to be a bastardized version of the current Vegas Strip) I can see them taking in some Ravens if they were actually twisted enough to join a group that seems a bit more lawless than ex FEDRA.

As far as Talia goes, whatever happened might have caused her to rely heavily on her faith. If the family was together from the start than she saw both her parent's die. I can see her wanting to instill those teachings in Dina, even if she doesn't believe in the same way, Talia ensures that the family lives on in Dina. I bet she gave everything she could to keep Dina alive including some heavier things, because she knew that Dina will keep that good part of her alive if she passed. Dina did, probably to herself for a long time, some dialogue hints she doesn't open up as easily as we once thought. It's clear after Seattle something changed, and her line about Talia puts so much of what we saw on the farm into new perspective.

I think we know what it is now.

Her work room full of books on Judaism, the Menorah, the mezuzah, the photo of her sister...

"After everything she’d been through I found her faith comforting. This place brings back a lot of memories. My sister used to drag me to the synagogue all the time. She’d pray, id just listen and repeat."

Dina may not have been finding comfort solely in her faith alone, she was finding comfort in her sister. She was drawing strength from Talia. She would pray, and Dina is listening and repeating.

Thanks for the ask bud. There is so much information we can go off of now, thanks to Dina's dialogue.

[voidcat]

– “Friend” is a four letter word

Characters: Kuroo Tetsurou / gn! reader

requested by anon, prompt 1

wc & genre: 2k - mostly fluff, a bit angst by the end

a/n: the title is literally a 1 trait danger song title, pls dont come @ me, i just thought it was nice to use bc “love” is a four letter word so yea,, also pls dont ship ppl irl or ask them too many Qs abt their relationshio even if they look so good together n should date bc it is rlly rlly annoying (speaking from experience)

The first you meet Kuroo Tetsurou, you don’t even notice.

It’s not surprising, he’s quiet and doesn’t gather attention. You don’t go looking around and keeping an eye on everyone either. The most is you’re just two fish in the vast sea, unaware of one another, too tangled with your own lives.

Then comes a moment, nothing special, almost out-of-a-movie type. It begins with a joke, if it can be considered that. It’s bad, awfully bad, a horrible pun in the middle of chemistry and from the volume of the voice you can tell they hoped no one would hear. But you do, so does few who sit next to him and your giggles dance around in the air. You don’t notice it’s him at that time but you grow to recognize his jokes in the following time.

Kuroo Tetsurou feels like a mystery when your eyes lie on him one afternoon. He’s not bad looking, a part of a sports team, a key member even. And yet compared to all the other jocks he doesn’t bask in the attention, in fact, he doesn’t receive any. Others like to brag and talk smug, as if they’ve discovered life in an inhabitable area and then there’s him. You can’t even tell he plays in the team if it’s not for the uniform and tracksuit he’s in after classes.

You think to yourself, if only jocks were like him. Still, you take no step and neither does he.

Maybe neither of you need to because the universe is more than happy to provide the nudge you both seem to need.

Funny enough it’s a science project that starts it.

He’s too quiet to your liking, speaking only when absolutely necessary. As you desperately try to kill the silence that hangs in the air, he avoids it as hard, making so little sound.

An idea comes as fast the lights are on and you speak before you even get to think ‘what’s there to lose?’

“No science puns for me? What happened, cat got your tongue?”

To say he is baffled, is the understatement of the year. You’re not sure if he’s surprised you’ve heard him joke or want to hear more of them; but either way, he looks cute, with his guard down, at a loss of reaction, mouth slightly open and – is that a hint of blush on his cheeks?

It only goes upwards from then on.

Awkward conversations is how it begins, seeking each other out in close environments is where you’re leaded.

You find yourself enjoying the way he talks, listening to what he has to say, the way his face brightens up when he starts talking out of pure interest. You only hope he feels the same way about you, and from the way he often discreetly directs you to take the lead and pick the topic, he does.

In a short span of time, you two are attached from the hip. Inseparable, always doing something, going somewhere, discussing a thing or just laughing. Shy smiles replaced with a Cheshire-like grin, almost ironic considering your school’s name, that’s only a new expression on him that you like to see.

It feels freeing, natural; as the sea sighs, the rain drops hit the surface and the sun shines. Two peas in a pod, thick as thieves, inseparable…

This goes beyond high school and throughout university too, which you’re grateful for. Because times come when you wonder where would you be without him, what would you do without his support; so you thank the stars once again, for having him in your life even today.

Then comes the times you wish you didn’t spend as much time together because the people around are being insufferable. All you want is to hang out with your best friend but half that time is stolen away by the never changing questions. Those who keep asking if you’re together, as an item. As if it doesn’t rub the salt in the already existing wound, it sure makes things unbearable. Getting approached by people you never saw before is no fun, neither is dealing with those who have the audacity to think you owe an explanation about your love life.

“But why? The two of you spend all the time together! Sure you must be in love!”

As if platonic relationships do not exist, surely do you have to love someone in that way to care for them? Loving Tetsu is a case that matters to only you, you’re happy knowing he cares for you, maybe not in the way as you but at the end of the day, the bond is there in plain sight, on your sleeve.

“But you guys would look so good together! Have you given dating a try? I’m sure it’d work out! I understand if you want to keep things a secret but come on, you must have had something going on-“

Stop, stop, stop…

It gets exhausting after a while, showing its signs on you, the irritation high and your nerves are at the edge, he notices it not long after.

After a little persuasion, you spill it all out, ranting about the pent up anger you had bottled all week –month maybe. You don’t notice the way his shoulders slump as you talk and go on about the stupidity of the people. It misses your attention how he talks less than usual that day, even after the mini ranting session. You do, however, notice how he starts to act strange around you. More preserved, and not as chatty as much. Holding his touch and avoiding contact, not going out of his way to approach you any longer. This drives you crazy, hurts a part of you and you worry –what if he has grown bored of me? Did I do something to hurt his feelings? Does he like someone and avoids me to get in their eye? What has happened, what did I do wrong? And goes and goes and goes the worries and the dynamics shift in your friendship.

So with the change of dynamics, you try desperately to hold onto what you once shared. Soon enough it’s you who invites the other to outings.

When your coffee offers are denied, you bring up walks, after that study dates, as he tries to ignore one attempt of alone time, you come up with another and one evening you find yourself asking to go to a party.

Campus parties with him, are interesting, to say the least. It stings when you’re separated, a punch to the stomach when he’s awfully close to those who were flirting with him, a new kind of torture when he keeps his talks with you short at the scene but at the end of the day you always leave, together, and you settle with this too, as you settled with all his love you could get years ago.

Some nights with booze apparent in the air, you don’t bug him with questions but each party gets worse somehow, only makes the distance between the two harder.

One night you snap and let it all out, unlike that afternoon it wasn’t an asked question but an aftereffect of him pushing your nerves and once you begin, you don’t stop, letting the storm out and he just looks at you.

You stop and his gaze stays, face devoid of any emotion and you worry, all the words you’ve said dawning on you and with one last attempt you whisper “Aren’t we friends?”

Voice calm and stern, colder than that icy cocktail you had: We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.

Holding back the tears by the corner of your eyes, you blink once and turn your back, steps set on your way. You can’t recall the last time you’ve walked home alone, without him.

Some time passes, days begin to blur and you try not to dwell on things too much or think about him that much. But the brain is a traitor as much as your heart and you find yourself thinking about him too much to your liking. Not sure whether you want him to find you, you keep an eye out; maybe plan to get out of the eye sight when you spot that messy hair but there’s not much need as he’s never around.

At the same time you’re unaware that this is his way of giving you a break, providing the alone time you needed away from him; as Tetsu tries his best to gather his thoughts and shape the sentences to show how he truly feels, what he actually thinks, he keeps an eye out for you. Even the smallest of smiles on you making his racing heart worse but what lands the final blow is how rarely you smile these days. Knowing he is the reason behind, knowing he causes the weight on your shoulders and the ache in his heart, he wishes more than anything to change this as soon as he can but he is at a loss of words and actions and he hates himself for that.

When the two of you are brought together once again, as fate pushes you from behind like it did years ago, you’re not sure who looks up first. But it is Tetsu who speaks first, not giving you a chance to say anything back, call him names or yell him insults. And as he talks, eyes focused on you, locked into yours, his gaze warmer than ever, his voice nothing like that disastrous night.

“I know I fucked up and ruined the best thing I’ve ever had in my life. I have nothing to blame but myself, I know, but please. Even though it’s selfish of me to ask this… Would you give me a second chance?”

Letting go of the breath you were holding, you prepare to answer him. He doesn’t let you.

“One last chance… To start over? Because that one sentence, as cold as it sounded, had a truth to it. And I- I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t go on and pretend like I don’t have- like I don’t have all these feelings in me. I can’t nod along to your rants about how much you hate the people perceiving the two of us as more than friends. ‘Cause you got to admit. They have a point. Maybe at the beginning, yes... But we’ve not been friends, not for a long while. And you know it too whether you want to say it or not.”

As if spoken without breathing once, considering this is Tetsu that was definitely the case ,he gulps and takes a step forward.

“Will you give me a last chance and let me show you how much I can love you? Free of this ‘just friends’ title. Would you let me take you on dates and make you laugh wide and loud? Not just as your friend but as your boyfriend? As your partner in crime and in life, as Persephone is the pastel queen of hell in the realm of Hades, the sun to my Icarus, the Sodium to my Chlorine?..”

His speech was getting to you until the last sentence, your softened body goes stone cold, hands hanging in the air, Tetsu’s last pleads of “would you let me?”s falling deaf to your ears.

The gears turn quick and he realizes exactly which one of his words could leave an effect like this, be so ridiculous and bring you to a halt.

One of those smug smiles you saw on his face often, he says “What happened, cat got your tongue?”

And your mouse hanging open, all you can do is smack him on the arm, as hard as you can, for that awful salt simile and for using your words on you.

Before you know it, both of you are laughing and the air feels warm once again.

tags: @celosiiaa​ @boosyboo9206

[wsgeon]

hey everyone! ummm this is peyton (also the mun of lee hyeon) taking a second shot at a second character — i have a lot of muse for this one, so i swear he’ll be around for a while… 🥵 this is ryu geon, yes his name rhymes with hyeon’s & no i do not care ♥️ he’s the lead guitarist/vocalist of meta and also the son of a former nobody rockstar, but i’ll get into all that below! like this post if you’d like for me to come into your ims to plot, click the read more for more info on geon, and/or click here to be taken to his pages: CAREER, DOSSIER, PINTEREST.

HISTORY.

born in autumn ‘97 to a “budding rockstar” (translation: “no yeah i swear our band’s really starting to take off, we sold twenty-three tickets to our last show!”) & a woman with commitment issues ♥️ geon’s dad always told him that his mom left because she had some dire matters that needed to be taken care of and SWORE that she cried the last time she held her dear baby boy, but all of his dad’s bandmates say that she was just some groupie and had to be persuaded into carrying her child to term… who can say for sure?

naturally, there are no pictures of this mystery woman. there was one (1) of her holding infant geon, but then he found out that that was actually a sound tech who worked for his dad’s band… and he just never corrected geon’s assumptions LOLLLL

anyway! he was always really close to his dad, considering they were a two-person family. he has a set of grandparents, an aunt and a couple cousins but they were never involved with geon’s life because his dad is the #blacksheep of the family. geon and his dad against the world, am i right?

uhhh geon was also kind of a black sheep growing up, but he didn’t really notice? he was a happy kid, very energetic and enthusiastic. a lot of adults in the area looked down on him & his dad, but he was SOOOO blind to it because his dad’s a god in his eyes and HE’S always been nice to everyone, so why would they not like him??? because his clothes smelled a little like dad’s cigarette smoke??? big deal

wasn’t troublesome (beyond talking too much), but a lot of people still expected bad things from him :/ “his father’s a dirtbag, i’ll be surprised if that boy doesn’t end up in jail by 20”, “he won’t amount to anything without a proper role model in his life”, “his dad is teaching him how to slack off”, “he won’t contribute anything to society”, etc. he kindaaa picked up on this as he got older but pretended not to because it was more rewarding to play dumb and keep being a good kid(tm) to prove them wrong

was basically a mini version of his dad. same style, similar features, birthmarks in the same places, same “live today, die tomorrow” approach in life, same affinity for singing & playing rock music. ummm he loved his dad a lot. a lot. a lot. wanted to make him proud SO BAD, started his first band when he was 15 and they sucked so bad but his dad was their biggest fan… you know how it is. a lot of people misunderstood him, but he was a very good guy and such a great parent

TW DEATH unfortunately he passed away just shy of geon’s 18th birthday and your boy still hasn’t forgiven the world for taking his dad when he was in the middle of his angsty teen phase — had he known that their time together was dwindling, he would’ve been so so so much better to him END TW

his dad’s band actually rocketed into the charts after he passed & suddenly they were getting loads of publicity, lots of “what a shame that he went under-appreciated” which pissed geon off SOOOO bad because why couldn’t they have had that energy when he was still alive? he’s still mad about it five/six years later

this is getting kinda long, so uhhh tl;dr, he ended up staying with the drummer of his dad’s band until he was old enough to live alone/READY to live alone, but he changed quite a bit. was really going through it, quit his band, stopped putting effort into school. barely graduated. went from being a social butterfly spending every weekend at a gig or with friends to spending all of his time on a pc or in front of a tv, playing console games. the internet comforted him when nobody else would/could and then he met the future members of meta <33333333 #newbeginnings

present day geon is still struggling, has to go to counseling bi-weekly but he’s coming back out of his shell! he wants to fall in love with life again, just wants to tread carefully... outgoing & will talk to absolutely anyone, but he still spends most of his time alone. hard to reach by text, so if you wanna talk to him, you better call/facetime LMAO. talks a mile a minute, especially if you get him going abt something he really likes. laughs a lot, smiles a lot, more habitual than actual signs of happiness but yk. ummm he has a really loud voice, mostly controlled nowadays but he still gets carried away sometimes. an absolute menace during long drives/flights, sorry meta.

funny but only when he’s in large groups. feeds off of other peoples’ energy, really good at reading a room and breaking the ice/making everyone comfortable, but if you meet him 1-on-1, none of his jokes land quite the same.

i envision him as being the kind of guy who carries himself in such a way that you’d assume he’s really popular/out of reach/maybe even full of himself, but he’s... not like that... at all... in fact, he’s kinda irritating when you get to know him. the personification of a flood followed by a drought and vice versa, always either too much or not enough. gets used/ghosted/dropped/dumped/whatever a lot because he’s soooo fun in the moment (if he isn’t in his feelings), but draining long-term.

really emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feelings in a way that a lot of people never thought he would be (probably thanks to counseling tbh). he’s very very rarely the type of person who will make you wonder what your place in his life is — he’s communicative, kind, honest. ummm he thinks that intimacy between friends needs to be more common, so he’s really affectionate with the people in his life. type of guy to tell you he loves you every chance he gets (calling you when he’s drunk, sounding like a clingy ex type beat) & greet you/depart with a hug. losing his dad kinda fucked him up in the way that he won’t leave/hang up until his friends say “i love you” back, gets kinda (re: very) upset if he’s denied that and/or a hug.

TRIVIA.

has been playing the guitar “longer than he’s been walking” (not really, but he swears it’s true).

uhhh he really likes nail art, but he’s kinda hesitant in what he tries? mainly sticks to black polish (or other plain colors), but sometimes he’ll get little designs added in as well. mainly does it himself because he still doesn’t feel comfortable in salons... if his work looks bad, leave him alone <3 he’s trying

inspired by people like kurt cobain, nicky wire, yungblud, billie joe armstrong & damiano david in the fact that he’s not against wearing dresses or skirts on stage. doesn’t do it ALL the time, but often enough that it doesn’t go unnoticed. some people say that he does it for attention because he doesn’t dress like that elsewhere and tbh they’re probably kinda right

interested in history (only SOME... dinosaurs, ancient civilizations, specialized areas like the history of circuses/clowns/skateboarding/punk, stuff like that yk), stand-up comedy & documentaries. could spend a whole day watching documentaries and would say he had fun, has a lot of useless knowledge that nobody gives a fuck about and is kinda dumb when it comes to things that matter

when it comes to music, he prefers playing really fast and heavy rock or punk over anything else, but he actually listens to a lot more soft indie on his own time... he’s too tense these days to be listening to anything else RIPPP

the vibe: homemade tie-dye, ripped slipknot t-shirts, frosted tips, neon crocs with alien & peace-sign charms, chipped black nail polish, calloused hands, cheesy pick-up lines used NOT to land a date but to pull a smile, driving until he’s lost, stupid socks paired with pressed suits, dramatic poetry in an iphone note, etc. 

PLOT IDEAS.

people he met through online support groups about coping with grief

uhhh an on & off relationship that’s been going for who-knows-how-long. the reason for this is up for discussion, but i imagine that he hasn’t given up yet because the constant highs and lows are a good source of inspo 🤪 artists must suffer for their art!

opposite side of the coin — someone he’s interested in, but he’s NOT disloyal so it’s a pattern of persistent courting when he’s single vs intense friend-zoning when he’s not and they’re getting tired of trying to figure out what he wants from them

someone else who likes nail art & can convince him that NOBODY cares if he goes to a salon

someone (probably female but doesn’t really matter tbh) who feels like his feminism is entirely performative… maybe they attack him directly for it or maybe they just REALLY don’t like him and they’re super vague about it idk. either way, please tell him that activism is much more than recommending one female artist a year and saying “clothes have no gender 🤪” so he can be praised for the bare minimum (his heart is in the right place but his skull is empty)

someone super introverted who comes out of their shell with geon! uhhh maybe they think that he’s the one doing them a favor, but in reality spending time with them has been doing wonders for his mental health

other people who like to skate. let’s congregate at the local skatepark and scare the middle schoolers away

someone who inspires him musically, for whatever reason. lots of late nights in studios, idly strumming his guitar and writing lyrics that definitely aren’t about how their eyes look in these dim lights… umm maybe he thinks he has a crush on them but really doesn’t and ends up hurting them eventually, maybe he really DOES have a crush but will (probably) never do anything abt it or maybe it’s entirely platonic and he just admires them a ridiculous amount

someone who likes to make music as a hobby, prob won’t publish/release any of it but it’s fun to imagine. spontaneous meetings with geon in the middle of the night, recording songs together and keeping the WORST takes for the laughs. there’s probably a diss-track of them going in on each other floating around somewhere even though geon can’t rap for shit

night owls who keep him company on the phone, even if they can’t be there physically. them talking really quietly vs geon shouting at them while he plays games LMAO

gaming buddies. come over, maybe you can carry geon through his game of the week or you can both fail but have fun while you’re at it… or you can scream while he fends off that hoard of zombies behind you

i’m typing this at the last minute (literally) so i’m gonna stop here, but i will get a proper plots page put up asap with a wider variety of connections!!! but as always, please do let me know if you have any other ideas. i’m always happy to plot and write with you all 🌚

[wreckofawriter]

Can't Forget, Won't Forgive

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader [post war]

Word Count: 3,420 (nice)

Warnings: Swearing, drinking, mentions of depression and anxiety, slight PTSD, a bit angst with fluffy ending

Request: @perfectlyimperfectcrystal: Can you make Draco x oc post war fic?

Summary: Four years after a war that she believed ruined her life reader is forced to reenter her past for a party with an unexpected guest [Reader is abt 22, 23 Draco is 21]

A/n: I ligit re wrote this three time, I could not figure out what to do and eveything I wrote was cringy as fuck, I'm so sorry this took forever, I'm hopping to finish up a few old requests soon. Love u all <3

    Your heart seized in your chest. Everything in you was begging your legs to turn and run. You bit harshly on your lip, this was a bad idea, teeth sunk into flesh and you tasted blood. A really bad idea. The grip on your small gift bag tightened. You could turn around right now and no one would know. You felt like throwing up, were you panicking again? You couldn't tell your chest felt too tight. You could text Harry and tell him you were sick. It would be fine. You don’t have to. 

    You turned on your heels, tears nearly springing into your eyes as you opened the door to your car. You slammed it shut gripping the steering wheel and leaning your forehead on its center. Sobs stung your eyes as your knuckles went white. You felt so weak, this wasn't you, you had fought death eaters, saved hundreds, survived torture, killed people. Now you were crying in a 1998 Corolla because you were too scared to go into a house full of nothing but old friends? It was pathetic. 

    Your teeth found your already raw bottom lip, you sucked in a breath and released it. You could do this. You snatched the paper bag beside, left the safety of your car, sprinted up the porch steps and knocked three times before you could change your own mind. 

    You could hear shuffling inside before the door was flung open and you were greeted by a freckled red-head. 

    “Y/N!” George shouted, “We were beginning to think you wouldn’t show!” 

    “I guess I’m fashionably late.” You laughed awkwardly cringing at your own words. 

    The twin just chuckled, “Come in, we’ve got tons of food and even more alcohol because ya know were actually old enough to drink now.” He laughed dragging you inside. 

    You giggled your heartbeat slowing, “I missed you, George.” 

    “I missed you too kitty.” He answered by pulling you into a hug. You welcomed it, heart throbbing at the nickname his late brother had given you. 

    You followed the man into the house which was already crowded with people. What else could you expect of an engagement party of the Boy Who Lived? Although you were sure Hermione planned it. You ran into Ginny and made small talk, looking at the ring and congratulating her on her wins in quidditch. Harry then stole her away after a quick greeting explaining something about Seamus breaking a pool cue. 

    You were suddenly left alone, you took a deep breath. You decide a drink would be best, a beer or two would do miracles for your nerves. You found the kitchen surprisingly empty, you opened the fridge grabbing a beer. You glanced around for an opener but opted for a small knife in the block to your left. You popped it open and took a sip, the cold liquid giving you a warm sensation.

You hopped up onto the counter glancing out of the door and watching as George arm-wrestled Ron over a coffee table. 

You snorted as the elder smashed the others arm down leaping to his feet and letting out a cry of victory. It still hurt a bit to look at him. Fred was so similar. But you would never let him know that you were sure he knew well enough himself.

You turned as you heard footsteps approach and your breath caught in your throat. Your eyes locked with deep grey as your heart stopped beating.

"Oh um hey y/n.," Draco spoke his hand scratching at the back of his neck. 

You had heard that your life flashed before your eyes when you were about to die. You thought it couldn't be much different than the memories you had worked very hard to bury that flashed through you as you stared at the platinum blonde in front of you. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" You hissed your jaw clamped shut as you felt hot tears rise to your eyes. 

"Oh, I was invited." His laughter was empty and suffocating at the same time. 

Your eyes stung. You lept from the counter slamming the beer in your hand down so hard you heard it crack. Draco flinched.

"Y/n I-," The man rushed towards you grabbing your wrist. 

Without a second of hesitation, your other hand shot up and you slapped him clean across the face. The sound your hand made on his pale cheek was loud, the smack gaining the attention of a few who sat in the living room.

"Stay the fuck away from me." You seethed stepping away from him. 

"Y/n?" You turned to see Luna, her pale blue eyes wide. You couldn't even offer a smile as you turned, sprinting to the door. 

You made it into the cold November air and realized it had gotten dark out. The light filtering from the house paired with the few buzzing street lamps cast a yellow filter over your surroundings. You fumbled with your keys as you made your way towards your car. You were leaving this time, that was non-negotiable. 

“Y/n!” A small voice yelled from the porch.

You didn’t want to look up but you did. Your keys slid into the door and you twisted click, your it was unlocked. 

“Y/n, please, I just want to talk to you,” Luna begged from the steps. You bit on your lip again, it stung harshly. 

    Turning you fought back tears as you pulled your keys from your door and stepped away from the car. Luna smiled softly at you. “It's good to see you, Luna.” 

    “It's great to see you y/n. I was quite disappointed when we lost contact.” She explained aloof as ever. “But guess you blocked us all out on purpose.” Blunt as ever as well.

    You swallowed thickly not sure how to respond, she was right after all. 

    “It’s alright, no one blames you. You went through a lot. We were all very surprised to see you here today. George has missed you dreadfully.” She hummed leading you back inside where you could no longer see your breath. “I’m happy you came too. I always liked talking with you.” She continued up some stairs stopping midway and sitting down, patting the spot next to her which you took. 

    It was quiet for a while, you could hear laughter and music, a loud gasp followed by more laughter. You wondered if they were still arm wrestling. Tears clung to your eyes, you swallowed them but the world remained blurry. 

    “I can’t be around him, Luna.” You choked out, “Not after what he did to us.”

    “He didn’t do anything to us.” She shrugged playing with her large necklace. 

    Your brows furrowed, “How can you say that? How can you say that after those months Luna?” 

    “He didn’t do anything, his father did.” She explained her eyes now trained on you. 

    “And where is he?” You spat, “In his mansion with zero consequences.”

    “I suppose you’re right.” She mumbled, “But it does no good to take it out on Draco he didn’t do anything.”

    “That’s the issue Luna,” You hissed, “He didn’t do anything. He didn’t do anything as we were locked in his basement.”

    She hummed, “He couldn’t do anything.” You wished you could disagree, “He’s quite nice you know. It was a bit awkward at first but he’s quite nice now, he's going to be one of Harry’s groomsmen I believe.”

    “What?!” You exclaimed.

    “They are good friends now, he is quite nice like I said.” She had begun to fiddle with the ends of your hair, “He asks about you a lot. Always wondering how you are now and if you are going to come to parties and such.” 

    “He shouldn’t ask.” You huffed, “I don’t know why he does.” 

    “I think I do.” She hummed, you waited for her to explain but she didn’t. “He was just a child back then, he was a scared kid, we can’t blame what he did on him. He thought he had to.” 

    Anger fought through you taking your mind hostage. You could feel your face flush, eyes narrow, expression darkening, “You know what, I was a scared kid too, I was fucking horrified. He may get a free pass from the rest of you but he won't from me. I won’t forget what he did.” You seethed standing and walking down four steps. 

    “You wish you could forget though. I know you do. That's why you don’t return our calls or come to birthday parties. You want to forget yet you refuse to. You confuse me y/n.” Luna claimed. She didn’t stop you as you left the house, refusing to look back. You peeled out of the driveway less than a minute later tears of anger and frustration streaming down your face. 

   

    You got home and swore, finding the only liquor in the house to be rose strawberry tequila, something you had bought, opened and hated. You drank it anyway plopping down on the couch with cold pizza from the night before and turning on the TV to see an episode of some anime you couldn’t keep track of. The main character yelled too much and the main girl was obsessed with a boy. It pissed you off, a fuckin pushover. 

    You were about an episode in, swearing as a character whose name you couldn’t remember was flung from a rooftop. Your phone buzzed in your pocket, you flipped it open struggling to read the small writing on the greenish background. You gave up closing it and chucking it across the room as the boy stood back up blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. You cheered. 

    Draco isn’t sure what prompted him to show up at your doorstep at 2:32 in the morning. Maybe it was the constant nagging from Ginny or maybe the fact that you had seen but had not replied to his text or maybe it was the fact that he had been in love with you since he was 13, never had the guts to tell you, was forced into letting some fucked up things happen to you and now you wouldn’t even look at him. Or maybe it was simply because he was hammered. In all honesty, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was now banging on your apartment door. 

    You weren't quite sure if you were imagining it or not as you jumped from your sleep. The loud banging continued as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes, brushing your hair out of your face. You stood up head aching slightly as you felt a hangover in the near future. You stumbled towards the door swearing as you tripped over a chair leg. 

    “Jesus what!?” You shouted flinging opening the door. In seconds someone came stumbling at you. A body collided with yours at a fighting force knocking you straight to the ground. You shrieked feeling your lower back ram into your hardwood floor. 

    “Fuck sorry.” The body mumbled propping himself up straddling your waist, his hands on either side of your head. Draco soaked in your image, your cheeks flushed, eyes wide, lips pursed. “God you’re so fuckin beautiful,” he mumbled one of his hands moving to stroke your ruffled hair. 

    You slapped his hand away, jaw clenched, “Get off of me!” you yelled lifting your knee and connecting it with his stomach. 

    He wheezed face contorting in pain as you rolled him off of you standing up, “What the hell are you doing here Malfoy?” You spat his name like poison. 

    Draco now lay on his back staring up at your ceiling he groaned running his hand through his hair, “I missed you.” he mumbled upwards, “I missed you so fucking much.” his words broke.

    “Oh my god, you’re drunk.” You groaned slamming the heels of your hands into your eyes. 

    “I'm not drunk.” He fought back sitting up quickly. 

    “Oh yeah?” You asked, “What's 2 plus 3?” 

    He furrowed his brows in thought, “23.” he replied about twenty seconds later. 

    “You’re definitely drunk.” You sighed.

    “I just wanted to talk y/n and you wouldn’t answer my texts so I had to come here so we could talk.” His words were slurred and hard to understand. 

    “We have nothing to talk about.” You sneered, “Now get out of my house.” 

    “Please y/n, just for a few minutes.” He begged, getting to his feet and grabbing your wrists pulling you towards him, his breath was warm and smelled of beer as it wafted over your face.

    You pushed him off cringing, “If I let you talk, will you leave?” You bargained not really caring where the drunk ended up.

    He nodded vigorously, stumbling into your house a little ways before sitting back down, back against the small island in the middle of your kitchen. You slid down the fridge sitting across from him. For a second you thought he had fallen asleep, his head lolled to one side, his right leg stuck out straight, the other bent towards him. But he snapped to attention looking at you with wide eyes. 

    “Well?” You asked.

    “Oh yeah.” He mumbled taking a deep breath, “I did miss you ya know. I always did. When we were in school you wouldn’t even talk to me unless you were yelling insults and god I wanted you to talk to me sooo bad. I was so fuckin in love with you.” He was interrupted by a hiccup, “And then everything started falling apart and my parents got mad and wanted me to kill people and I was so scared.” Tears welled into the blonde's eyes. His voice straining against him, “And then they caught you because of your dad, and- and I-” More hiccups, tears sliding down his cheeks, “I just wanted to help you and I couldn’t I was such a fucking coward. And I'm sorry y/n/n.” your nickname rolled off his tongue, “I so so fucking sorry.” 

    The kitchen was silent for a long time. The soft sound of sniffing and the drip of tears on tile. The hum of the refrigerator providing a background for the nothingness. Darkness almost seems to muffle everything, the only light coming from the time displayed on the microwave and the moonlight filtering through your few windows. 

    “Fuck Draco,” You cussed, “This is not how I wanted my night to go.” your voice wavered. You could feel tears sliding down your cheeks cooling in the dark air. You sniffed wiping your face. “Well I guess since your drunk as fuck and won’t remember anything anyway I might as well get some things off my chest.” 

    Draco gazed up at you his eyes rimmed with red, his pale cheeks blossoming with beer thirsted roses. He looked so fragile, like a glass figurine or a dried flower. 

    “I’m kind of a shit person.” You chuckled sadly, “I mean I try to blame it on my parents and their nuclear marriage, which was dead long before I was in the world, but they kept mercilessly reincarnating it like some sort of monster from an old movie. They yelled more than they should have, my dad especially, he had anger issues he blew up easily and never got help for it.” You had tears pouring so thickly from your eyes you could hardly see.

“I was messed up in the head, I was rarely happy and when I was it was only for a few seconds, I got panic attacks and I-” Your voice broke with a sob, “I never really dealt with it and you always managed to piss me off. Maybe it was the fact that you seemed to get everything you wanted or maybe that I always thought you were so cute despite the fact that you were a complete asshole. Hell, I had a stupid school girl crush on you from the minute I laid eyes on you and I hated it so much.

 “And I don’t know, I pushed people away, fuck I broke up with Fred three months before he died because I was scared when he said he wanted me to meet his parents.” Your voice broke and you whimpered, “And then I got locked in your house because of my shit father and since then I’ve been avoiding everyone and everything hoping that I can just forget it all but being too stubborn to forgive it so I’m just stuck and it sucks.” You were sobbing now, “It sucks so fucking bad.” 

Draco turned around and pushed himself towards you. He put his arm around your shoulders and tucked his head into your neck, inhaling your scent and mumbling something you couldn’t make out over the strength of your cries. 

You woke up the next morning head pounding, eyes stinging as you opened them. You were sprawled on your kitchen floor, your lower back aching with pain. Your head rested on Draco’s chest, his legs tangled with yours, arm around your waist as yours rested around his neck. You groaned carefully sliding from his grasp, this was not how things were supposed to go. You were not supposed to be blushing because of Draco Malfoy. You huffed heading to the bathroom and taking a quick shower before changing into a pair of sweats and an oversized t-shirt. You walked into the kitchen crouching next to the man on your floor and poking his cheek. He didn’t even budge. You sighed stepping over him to your coffee maker. 

    Two hours later as you sat on your couch with a book in your lap you heard a loud groan from your kitchen. Rolling your eyes you stood up and made your way towards the newly awakened blonde who cussed as he attempted to get to his feet. His eyes locked with yours and widened, “Y-y/n?” he sounded mortified. 

    You smirked, “Good afternoon Draco.”

    His cheeks blossomed with color as he ran his hands through his hair nervously, “Um what am I doing here?” 

    “Well, you showed up here at two in the morning drunk as fuck and proclaiming your love for me.” You explained. 

    He paled eyes getting impossibly wider, he slumped against your counter burying his face in his hands. “Oh, Merlin y/n I’m so sorry.” 

    You sighed biting your abused lip, “Look Draco, it’s not that big of a deal.” 

    He looked up at you, visibly confused.

    “You said some crazy shit last night but so did I and I-” You sighed again swallowing harshly, “I would actually like to take up your offer on dinner, ya know the one you probably don’t remember texting me. We need to talk, like when one of us isn’t wasted and the other isn’t an emotional wreck.” 

    “Really?” Draco asked.

    “Yeah,” You confirmed, “Can you pick me up at seven tonight?” 

    “Umm yeah.” He said not really remembering if he could but also not really caring, he would anyway. 

    You took a step towards him standing on your toes and placing a kiss on his cheek, “Thank you Draco.” 

    The man shook his head, “You did it wrong.” he whispered.

    “What?” You asked, suddenly feeling his hands on your hips pulling you closer. 

    “I said you did it wrong.” He repeated.

    “I know what you said, I just-” Your sentence fell short as he bent forward his lips inches from your own. 

    “Can I kiss you y/n?” He asked so quietly if you were any further apart you wouldn’t have heard it. 

    Your mind reeled but before you could really think about it you were nodding and his lips were on yours. He pulled you flush against him, you could feel his heart hammering in his chest, or maybe it was your own. His tongue swiped the seam of your lips and you opened them allowing him to deepen the kiss, he still tasted of beer and tears for the night before. 

    You broke away panting lightly staring up at his icy grey eyes. “You taste like shit.” You whispered. 

    Draco broke into a barking laugh, “You really know how to kill a mood.” 

    You shrugged, “You better brush your teeth before tonight.” 

    He smiled his heart still beating erratically, you looked so pretty with swollen lips, “Does that mean we are going to be kissing more?” 

    “Maybe.” You shrugged again smiling, “Now get out of my house Draco.” 

    “Of course.” 

Taglist:

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Masterlist

[dragimal]

so I just watched Annihilation again and I have some thoughts

to start off, let me highlight a couple ways that Annihilation gets biology wrong

- the way Lena describes all the flowers growing near the hut, “To look at them you wouldn’t say that they are the same species… but they’re growing from the same branch structure… so it *has* to be the same species. It’s the same plant! It’s like they’re stuck in a continuous mutation.” ‘same species’ is, uh, not the conclusion I would first come to in that situation! if anything, I’d go for extreme symbiosis (like lichen-level) first, maybe some radiation-induced grafting of plants together (as this is something that can actually be done to certain plants irl, depending on compatibility). plant physiology/ecology is *notoriously* easy to fuck with without even going so far as the gene level to do so

- when Lena is analyzing the gator-shark, she says, “you can’t cross-breed between different species,” which is blatantly false lmao. I’m willing to believe she simply meant something like “between broad clades” and was just simplifying the idea for her non-bio teammates, but in context with all the other weird bio assumptions she makes, idk...

- the scene w/ the human-shaped plants, where Josie explains that the HOX genes were mutated to reflect those of humans.... that’s not how HOX genes work? 

see, on a basic level, HOX genes function like gene->part, NOT gene->shape. like, look at this diagram of fly HOX genes

each gene corresponds to a part/section of the fly, not any particular shape. thus, if a plant were to turn “human” (or vis-versa in Josie’s case) via *specifically* HOX mutation, the mutations would occur as parts reflecting parts. say, something like the stalk specifically forming the torso, the leaves specifically forming the fingers, the apical meristem forming the head, etc. (idk exact plant or human genetics, so don’t quote me on those *specific* reflections, but u get the gist), which might then be arranged into an approximate human shape

(and this isn’t even to *mention* the fact that genes end up coding for different things over time, so the exact same codes are simply going to *mean* something different when applied to the genes of different organisms. tho I’m far more willing to assume alien radiation interference on that front)

now these are little bits that have bugged me since I first saw the movie, but something always held me back from trying to ‘fix’ the worldbuilding (as I am want to do). it’s only recently that I realized that I never actually wanted to fix the worldbuilding-- I’ve always loved the worldbuilding just fine! it was the character explanations that were so wrong

like, these events could have been explained with a lil more plausibility. the flowers at the hut could’ve undergone some hyper-drive symbiosis, or even had any ability for horizontal gene transfer ramped up to goddamned 1000. the human-shaped plants could’ve taken on the shape of a human via some warped radiation that kept the environmental ‘imprint’ of a human from the area, and reflected it onto the plants via epigenetic tinkering. then Josie turning into a plant looked far more like rapid absorption by a plant parasite rather than her actually turning *into* a plant. these are explanations I immediately latched onto as a biologist myself-- explanations I feel any other biologist would at least *consider* long before just... completely misinterpreting the way HOX genes function

now I only really realized all this after watching Folding Ideas’ video abt Annihilation and Metaphor. u may be wondering: how did an analysis video abt metaphor help me reach this conclusion abt the more concrete worldbuilding (however much of it we can even take at face-value)? well the thing abt aliens is that, as far as we know, they could function on metaphor! 

aliens are literally unknowable by our current understanding of biology and life. the movie itself even blatantly states that, “It’s not like us… it’s unlike us.” we’re so entrenched in what life looks like on Earth, we have no goddamned CLUE what life could look like elsewhere, under different circumstances. this search for the true, distilled basics of life is at the heart of the field of Universal Biology, and why some researchers are actively trying to change the way they approach and think abt Earth life as well

thus, everything that the Shimmer causes is completely plausible to me, whether on a biological level, metaphysical level, or both! and specifically, the idea of an alien species having some control over metaphysical properties, beyond what we can sense or comprehend, is what leads me to believe that an alien species could, theoretically, work by “metaphor logic”

like, “reflection and refraction”. what would it mean for us to encounter an alien species can read our psychology and reflect us so intimately? that can recognize our *essence*, and apply our shape to other organisms, and vis-versa? it’s absolutely fascinating to consider

so with that in mind, when I criticize the bunk biology explanations, I totally get that this movie is far more metaphor than anything-- that when the movie says the flowers are “the same plant”, or implies that Josie “became” the plant, it’s working directly towards themes around self-identity and trauma and change

BUT here’s the thing. by not understanding actual biology enough to apply the explanations in functional ways w/ the themes, the movie misses a GOLDEN opportunity for an even MORE fitting, blatant metaphor

remember me explaining that HOX genes don’t equate to shape? it’s environmental factors that influence the shape of plants (and, honestly, the shape of organisms in general) via stressors like temperature, amount of light, wind speeds, etc. while these stressors can’t change the actual sequence/makeup of DNA in a given organism’s lifespan, they *can* change the ways genes are expressed in that lifespan—essentially how tightly/loosely DNA strands are packed and how easily transcriptions factors can subsequently read and further express those genes

these changes in how DNA is packaged/expressed can then, shockingly enough, be passed on to later generations. epigenetics studies this particular kind of inheritance, and has led further to the study of “inherited trauma”*, and how the stressors that a parent experiences may pass on genetically to their offspring to prepare them for those same stressors, whether the offspring actually encounter those stressors or not

(*NOTE: this field of study is still rather novel-- research into inherited trauma in humans in particular is still in its infancy, and while it’s yielded interesting results, it’s good to be critical and cautious of these results in the context of other environmental factors)

like. inherited trauma. I can’t fucking believe Annihilation missed that opportunity. and with how much ppl focus on the Lena/Kane’s potential “shimmery kids” you’d think this would be an even more obvious extension of the metaphor

anyways, Annihilation good movie. but neither Lena nor Josie passed 5th grade biology

[daisyannewinchester]

Siren!Jaskier

Alright so, I ran across this post of all these aesthetically pleasing pics, you can find them here. and someone @wilwheaton​ made a comment abt there being a prompt for each pic. So of course, all the fucking sudden, my brain was flooded with story ideas for each one. So I am slowly working through them all. Here’s my first one... This one is a Siren!Jaskier fic. @g-e-r-a-s-k-i-e-r​ here it is hun :) I’ll also be posting these to my AO3. (Edit: I cannot figure out how to post the picture of AO3 and am about to throw hands. or a computer. so it will only be the fic with no image. Edit again: i figured it out. haha. I’ve bested you, AO3. Fucker) You can find me under the same Daisy tag. Enjoy!

Geralt grumbled to himself as he descended into the valley, shoes getting muddier and muddier as he went. It felt like he was carrying ten extra pounds with him each time he picked up his boots, that much mud was caked onto the bottoms. It would take him ages to dig all the mud out once he was done. He couldn’t complain too much, though. The pay for this job was very generous.

The townsfolk up the mountain had begged and pleaded with a fat sac of coin for him to rid them of the incessant wailing coming from the flooded town down in the valley. The mayor explained with bags under his eyes that whatever was down there howled at all hours of the night and well into the morning, only stopping in mid afternoon and starting up again in the early evening. It had started two weeks ago when the dam had broken and flooded the valley and half of the town that inhabited it.

Geralt had to agree, the singing had not stopped since he set out early in the morning. While it was not unpleasant, it was also hard to concentrate on anything besides it. As he got closer, he was able to pick out several voices joined together, each singing in harmony to wail their tunes to the sky and the strum of an instrument keeping all the voices in tune. Geralt drew his silver sword as he finally reached the cobblestone streets that led into the town. He didn’t think he would need it; he had a good idea of what was down here, but it never hurt to be prepared and more than one creature might have inhabited this abandoned town. He passed building after building, following the wailing closer to the source. The sheer volume of it hurt his sensitive ears and he growled, annoyed.

The singing immediately stopped, and he heard several loud splashes followed by ear ringing silence.

“Fuck.”

He ran ahead into an open square. Half had been collapsed and tilted into the water. He could see wet spots where several bodies had been sitting at the water’s edge. There was a lute propped up out of the water and a trail of drops leading away into the water. He hummed and picked his way across broken boards and stone. He took the lute into his hands and studied it. Whomever it belonged to was taking good care of it, the wood was oiled nicely, and the strings well kept. He had an idea and sheathed his sword, keeping the lute in his hands as he walked away.

“This will make good coin,” He muttered to himself, only speakingjsut loud enough to be picked up at the water’s edge.

He heard a very faint splash in the water but ignored it, picking his way along the bank until he ducked into a stairway that led into the ocean. He propped the lute up on the stair just out of the water and promptly stripped himself bare, re-strapping a silver dagger to his thigh before wading into the cold depths. Water lapped at his chest by the time he was fully submerged. His ears picked up a faint splash behind him but he didn’t turn. Proceeding with washing himself, he allowed the shadow to creep down the steps closer and closer to the lute.

He caught sight of a naked man in his peripheral, young, with brown hair dripping and plastered to his face and bright blue eyes, fixated on the lute, wet fingers reaching out to grab it. Geralt’s hand snapped out, fingers wrapping around the hand gripped on the neck of the lute, yanking the wide-eyed, startled, dripping man back into the water. The boy yelped, flailing his arms as he was pulled headfirst into the water. Geralt wrenched the lute from his grasp and held it out of the way of the splashing. He watched as the mans legs grew together into a singular fin all the way up to his waist, scales glistening a sea-foam green that perfectly blended with the water. Gills grew on the side of the man’s neck and his teeth elongated into fangs, which he bared at Geralt with a hiss.

Geralt held his other hand up by his shoulder in a gesture of surrender, “I just want to talk.”

The siren coiled up like a snake about to strike and Geralt held the lute over the water. “Attack me and she goes in.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

Geralt lowered the lute to the water. The siren feigned nonchalance, picking at something on the claws of his fingers. When the strap brushed the water, the siren yelped and held out his hands as if the stop the Witcher.

“Alright. Alright! Stop! What do you want?”

“The gods awful singing. Stop it.”

“Excuse me?! They may be young, but those children are getting along wonderfully! I have high expectations for quite a few of them to become excellent Lures someday.”

“Lures?”

“Yes Lures. Enticing humans into the water. What’s a proper word? Hunter? Whatever you lot call them.” The siren sassed as if this is common knowledge that sirens must be trained in their art of hunting. Geralt hummed.

“Well, your classes are annoying the town up on the cliff. They’ve sent me to quiet whatever is making a ruckus down here.”

The mans bright blue eyes strayed into the water like he could see the knife strapped to Geralt’s thigh through the murky blueness. Geralt stood still under his scrutiny. The siren started to hum and the wolf pendant on Geralt’s chest vibrated as well, holding the siren song at bay. The man’s voice had a strange musical quality to it when he spoke, his voice seemed to pull Geralt in, even with the pendant keeping most of the magic at bay. The siren’s expression shifted from one of annoyance to intrigue and seduction. His tail swishes in the water, pushing him gently toward Geralt in the water.

“And just what do you plan to do about our singing, dear human? Tell me the truth, now.”

“Make a trade. Lute for silence. Find somewhere else to do your classes.”

The siren hummed in thought but didn’t respond. He eyed Geralt up and down, and entices, “What’s your name?”

“Geralt.”

The siren lit up in a way Geralt didn’t expect, eyes changing from dark with hunger to bright with excitement.

“Oh, I’ve heard about you! Geralt of Rivia, the famous Witcher! Come to visit my new home, how exciting!” His voice doesn’t hold any Lure to it anymore and Geralt relaxed minutely, pendant going still around his neck. The siren’s tail flicked in excitement.

“I’ve a better deal.”

“Hm.”

“I’ll tell the other professors to move our classes and you give me my lute back and let me travel with you for a year. I’ll stay out of your hair; you won’t even know I’m there. I’m in desperate need of new content to sing about and the life of a Witcher is perfect for my songbook.”

Geralt thought it over. He’s sure, once on the road for a few days, the siren will beg off, find the nearest river and make for the ocean, bored out of his mind and tired of the grunge of life on the road.

“Fine,” he growled and climbed the stairs out of the water. The siren seemed unfazed by his nakedness.

The siren beamed, showing off a mouth full of fangs.

“Brilliant! You can call me Jaskier, by the way. I’ve got to get my stuff and inform the academy that I’ll be taking leave, but I’ll meet you at the edge of town! Oh, the children will be so excited. I’ll have such tales to tell them upon my return.” With a flick of his tail, he darted off. Geralt watched his scales gleam in the water as he sliced through the water down the canal and out of sight.

He quickly redressed and set off for the edge of town. He’s climbing back the way he came when he heard panting behind him.

“Were you trying to leave me behind? You were supposed to wait for me!”

“Please, tell me you’re dressed.”

“Of course, I’m dressed, I’m not an imbecile.”

“Hm.” Geralt glanced behind him to see Jaskier in a deep green doublet open to a white tunic tucked into green trousers. Completely impractical for travelling. His lute is strapped to his back, along with a small pack. Geralt picked up speed as best he can.

“Oi! Slow down you oaf. One would think you’re trying to lose me.”

“Hm.”

“Well that’s rude, I thought we were friends.”

Geralt stopped and turned to the siren. “Come here.” He gestures the smaller man closer.

The man stepped forward eagerly and promptly darted out of the way of Geralt’s fist. He bared pointed teeth at Geralt in retaliation but doesn’t seem too put off, still following after Geralt, just out of arms reach.

“You need to put those away when we get to town.”

Jaskier stretched his jaw and sharp fangs turned into human teeth.

When they come within sight of Roach, tethered to the tree, Jaskier beamed and bound forward, cooing to Roach and petting her mane. He seemed so excited, Geralt didn’t have the heart to tell him off. When he tried to climb into the saddle, Geralt gripped him by the hips and pulled him off. Jaskier shrieked in surprise and it hurt Geralt’s ears. The Witcher set him on the ground and saddle Roach instead.

“You walk.”

 *****

 Four months later and Geralt swears the siren would have been tired of him by now. And yet he’s still here.

 Geralt finds that he doesn’t want Jaskier to go.

 Not that he would ever tell him that.

[thewebcomicsreview]

hussie said a thing abt the epilogues reddit. com/r/homestuck/comments/cuywff/the_homestuck_epilogues_bridges_and_offramps_new/

I also think many of the negative feelings the story creates isn’t just an urgent prompt for the reader to imagine different ideas, or ways to resolve the new narrative dilemmas. It’s also an opportunity for people to discuss any of the difficult content critically, and for fandom in general to continue developing the tools for processing the negative emotions art can generate. Sorting that out has to be a communal experience, and it’s an important part of the cycle between creating and criticizing art. I think not only can creators develop their skills to create better things by practicing and taking certain risks, fandom is something which can develop better skills as well. Skills like critical discussion, dealing constructively with negative feelings resulting from the media they consume, interacting with each other in more meaningful ways, and trying to understand different points of view outside of the factions within fandom that can become very hardened over time. Fandoms everywhere tend to get bad reputations for various reasons, maybe justifiably. But I don’t see why it can’t be an objective to try to improve fandom, just as creators can improve their work. And I think this can only happen if now and then fandoms are seriously challenged, by being encouraged to think about complex ideas, and made to feel difficult emotions. I believe when art creates certain kinds of negative feelings in people, it can lead to some of the most transformative experiences art has to offer. But it helps to be receptive to this idea for these experiences to have a positive net effect on your life, and your relationship with art.

Christ, he’s gone full Lennon. Imagine a good ending. I wonder if you can.

So, I’ve mentioned this a few times, but the most transformative art has ever been for me was a comic that actually started on the Homestuck forums

Prequel - Or - Making The Cat Cry: The Adventure - is a comic written by Kazared loosely based on the Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. It’s about a Khajiit girl named Katia who moves to OblivionLand to make a new life for herself, and the comic spent years building Katia up to bigger and bigger heights so that every time she crashed she crashed harder than ever before. The second time she relapses into alcoholism is where a lot of readers give up on the comic for being misery porn.

There’s a point where she she’s solved all her problems and even gets to join the mages guild - her lifelong dream - only for the woman running the Kvatch mage guild to mild control her into giving up all her stuff, including the stuff important to Katia’s only friend.  Katia is left naked on the streets literally digging through trash in the vain hope of trying to find a solution to at least one of her problems. And what she finds is a bottle of beer.

Twice already in this comic Katia hit a really bad patch and started drinking again. The comic has twice made us root for Katia to succeed, only to jump cut to her waking up in a stranger’s bed with no memory of what happened. 

She wanders into an empty church (OBVIOUS SYMBOLISM ALERT), and alternates between trying to find some supplies and fantasizing about everything magically getting fixed, which slowly morphs into fantasizing about drinking while getting increasingly furious at barrels for not having clothes in them.

One thing. You wanted one thing and you were too much of a fucking idiot to realize it was hopeless and pointless and bound to ruin everything. Stuck on some childish idea that you could be anything, do anything, and just be some selfish bitch that’s never happy with what she has. Fuck, you don’t even know what you’re mad at anymore, you just hate yourself and everything you ever ruined for yourself and everyone and want to stop thinking about what a worthless mindless thoughtless imbecile you are. You just want to stop fucking thinking about it.

You drop onto the chapel floor and just cry. You cry and cry because you’re stupid and easy and can’t fix anything no matter how hard you try. You cry because your best is worse than everyone else’s average. You cry because your parents never loved you and you’re a disappointment to everyone, even yourself. You cry because all you wanted was to be someone and that’s never going to happen. And when that’s done, you cry a little more because you’re ashamed of being such a crybaby.

You try to get all the emotions out, try to clear your mind and maybe, just maybe feel ready to tackle the night ahead of you, feel as though this is the time you finally turn things around. But no matter how hard you try, how hard you weep and bawl and try to get it all out, you’re still just a fuckup. No matter what you try, that knowledge is still there, gripping onto your every thought and reminding you that things are never going to change.

You’re not strong. You’re not a hero. You’re not even worthy of the name Katia Managan. You’re sad and angry and nothing makes sense, but you know this is probably the clearest your head is going to get.

Someday, things are going to get better. Someday, you are going to fight and persevere and everything will feel great. You think.But for now, you know what you have to do.

And at the very least, there is no way you could possibly make yourself feel any worse.

Katia, for the first time, manages to avoid drowning drinking. She overcomes her issues. And you know what happens next?

She accidentally sets the church on fire, because this is still Prequel. She passes out from smoke inhalation, and then there’s….

this, and then she wakes up and reflects on her managing to stay on the wagon.

Honestly, you just feel… kind of numb.

You fucked up. You lost everything you earned, were discarded by the people you looked up to most, gave away the package you were supposed to be delivering to pay your friend back, completely lost control of your powers, and after passing out naked in a church have probably ruined any chance you might have had at a good reputation in Kvatch. You were a wreck last night when this was all happening, but now… you guess it just feels like you’ve run out of sad. You’re just confused.

Personally, I think this stuff is way darker than anything that happens in the Homestuck Epilogues, which is mostly just over-the-top Warhammer 40k grimderp. This shit got to me, man. And around the time this is happening in the comic, I lost my job. And as the storyline continued past this point, I kept applying for jobs and getting turned down, and it started to really wear on me, I felt I had no useful skills, since my old job was supporting software that only that company used because they made it. Much like Katia got into great positions only to fail, I walked out of interviews thinking I’d aced it only to get turned down, while Katia kept making two-steps-forward-one-step-back advances and not really getting any closer to solving any of her issues. And one day, about six weeks into joblessless and starting to get into serious depression over it, I got two “Thanks but no thanks” calls from places I was feeling good about back to back, and I was just done. 10am and I was going to go into my room and lie down on the floor all day but first Prequel updated so I guess I’ll check it real quick oh hey a flash

This puzzle took me like 20 tries, I’m no good at them. Aggy ran out of inspiring dialogue and started looping. And if you’re not in the right mindset, in the right place, this probably doesn’t seem like much. But right there, a month and a half into unemployment, doing that stupid fucking jumping jumpy peg thing while a ghost cheered me on was life-changing. I was so fucking jazzed when I got it, I was fired up! I was so fired up I tabled my “lie on the floor all day in despair” plan, and started applying for a bunch of jobs. A few of those jobs called me back. One hired me. I still work there now. I always liked webcomics but Aggy Extrapolate is the reason I make them. Because good art is powerful. Good art changes lives, maybe even saves them. And it doesn’t need to be happy to do it, Katia still hasn’t succeeded at her goals (in part because Prequel updates at a rate Dresden Codak would make fun of).

What the hell did the Homestuck Epilogues do, by comparison? What’s the positive net effect on my life, or my interaction with art? “Sometimes things you like are bad”? Shit, man, I already knew that, I’m into wrestling. How is “John recognizes Terezi’s jizz on his dad’s car” supposed to make me a better person, exactly? Do you really think the problem with fandoms is that they’re not angry enough? Are you high, Andrew Hussie? 

[stozkpile]

i accidentally lost my entire essay that i was writing abt biden and bernie but nothing can stop me so im doing it again.

the only reason biden got this far was due to a bunch of "coincidental" drops from the race RIGHT before super tuesday, and because the red scare tactic american politicians still hold onto make bernie (who is, for most of the world, a center left candidate at most, as american politics is skewed to the upper right) seem unreasonable. let's go over some of the common arguments against him:

1. BERNIE IS A COMMIE: bernie is a self proclaimed socialist. ok. do you really think he, as president (not as king of america. or as dictator. did we all forget what the president does?), will seize the means of production and sentence everyone to work in the gulags? what the hell is wrong with people? he wants to give people free healthcare and free education. and he wants to tax the ULTRA rich into helping/cut military funding.

1. why cant we create more tax brackets? people who make $520,000 a year, $100,000 an HOUR, and $60,000 a MINUTE, are all supposed to pay 37% of that money in taxes. make more tax brackets. tax capital gains more. close tax loopholes. ANYTHING. so much money is being spent on nothing.

2. military funding gets around 685 BILLION dollars a year. if we HALVE that, it'll still be hundreds of billions more than what China (which has over a BILLION people and is the second largest economy in the WORLD) spends on military, which is around 181 billion. that, simply put, is a fuckload of money. we could easily still have the biggest fucking military in the world and provide more help to the people, which i still don't agree with (america feels like a warmongering state to me), but compromises have to be made, right?

BERNIE HAS NO PLAN: and biden does? do you think every american president had a dissertation written about what they would enact if the got the office? bernie, if he wins, will hire cabinet members and staff, who will be better at certain things than he is. bernie is also an experienced politician who has worked multiple blue-collar jobs and was politically active as a youth.

1. bernie is campaigning and trying to win votes. being a president is about representing your country as much as it is having a working brain on your shoulders, which means you have to have a semblance of charisma and marketability. bernie isn't throwing facts and plans at people because thats not what most people want to hear. in fact, that was a weakness of warren's campaign. and any good plan wont be easy to explain during a short speech where youre supposed to rally people, or on a podcast, or on tv. he's passionate and empathetic, which is refreshing, considering how sociopathic politics are in general.

which leads to part 2. bernie probably has a better idea of his plans than people think. hes been doing politics for a long time. he was able to pass a lot of favorable policies as mayor, and has consistently been on the right side of history, even when it wasnt popular. and honestly, even if he's not able to pass as much as he would like as president (because i know american politicians/people who keep american politicians in their pocket are determined to stop him), it will at least represent a change in the american pathos, and itll show them that the disenfranchised finally have power. this scares dems as much as republicans.

BERNIE/HIS SUPPORTERS ARE TOO ANGRY: do you think they're mad for no reason? it's easy to think everyone is too emotional when you don't have to care about politics to survive.

are you five? do you think everyone has to be nice all the time? do you think that if someone has feelings about their argument, that renders their argument invalid? being nice doesn't change things and recent events prove that. trump bullied everyone and became the sole republican candidate.

just because something is legal or illegal doesn't mean it's right or wrong. do you think the civil rights movement was everyone being nice and putting together nicely-worded arguments? do you think stonewall was a fun little party? do you think the civil fucking war was a bunch of people talking to each other very politely about whether black people deserved freedom or not? people died. people were beaten. people were furious. and because of their fury, and their actions, we live in a better time. it can still get better. progress doesn't end. it doesnt have to come to blows anymore, but it wont be nice.

BERNIE HAS NO CHANCE AGAINST TRUMP: "vote blue no matter who." bernie is the only candidate that has a real chance against trump, and we know this because a sizable group of voters who would've voted for him voted for trump instead/didn't vote at all because hillary is so violently unlikable. and hillary still eeked out the popular vote, although she lost the electoral college. we can complain about the electoral college being a thing at all but if hillary still almost won, bernie would do better than she did. if people would vote for ANYONE over trump, then be willing to vote for bernie, because even republicans like him. bernie has working class clout. and nothing infuriates a poor white more than the intellectual elite flaunting their money at them all the time.

trump doesnt have a lot to say about bernie either. trump might think theres no way that bernie would make it to november, or maybe he's "supporting" him in an attempt to drive a wedge between him and the democratic party, or maybe he actually likes him (which would be fucked up lol), but one thing's for sure: bernie will not choke. trump would try to stir him up or attempt to make fun of him, as he does (and let's be honest...trump is very good at bullying people), and bernie would just take it and throw it all back at him. bernie has hutzpah, which is what none of the other candidates have, and what trump's whole campaign is. bernie is also cool, which biden isn't.

biden is:

a well-documented creep

a faux-progressive with a history of repugnant political decisions, including the 1994 crime bill (he changed his reasoning for it later to seem less racist), gutting welfare, opposing school integration in the 70s, and voting for the iraq war

a plagiarist

the kind of guy who lies about his son's death to get an inch (multiple counts, but the most egregious is when he implied his son was killed because of the iraq war in an effort to defend the vote. although he was there, beau biden died of a brain tumor and complications.)

losing his brain faculties, which is very easy to see. he's old. bernie is too, but at least he can string together a sentence.

is winning in states that will ultimately vote red. and republicans hate him.

tl;dr if you dont give a shit, vote bernie. if you give a shit, think critically, and then vote bernie. it isn't over yet.

[tfw-no-tennis]

continuted hxh thotz

we watched more so i continue my ramblings 

so we finished the trick tower stuff and started on the stuff on the island where theyre all hunting each other....wow finally some hunting in hunter x hunter 

can i just say....fuck hisoka i hate that guyyyy oh my goddddd hes the worst. i just feel incandescent rage whenever hes on screen vhbjdshfjhbsd smarmy horny clown bitch. looooord. he invokes a similar emotion to part 1 dio tbh....like i lose my domestication when i see both those bitches 

oh god that part where hisoka had just spent like hours de-hornifying himself or w/e and he looks all crusty and dehydrated and then he spots that old guy who looks kinda ghibli and he just goes AFTER ghibli man....like hisoka literally had one of those wack ass super detailed faces and just started screaming and running at that guy...like man i wouldve died instantly on the spot. jesus 

gon remains best best perfect baby boy. every time he does something so cute and pure that my heart starts palpating, i get even more nervous for the shit hes gonna go thru someday 

gon and killua are literally soooo precious theyre just two lil boys!!! two lads!!! lad boys! augh i love how much theyre vibing all the time...like on the boat to the island when theyre like refusing to tell each other who their target is and then they both start laughing and then show each other....so precious

honestly im really enjoying how they dont really have a rivalry (yet?) - theyre not like ‘yes we are friends but we’re also COMPETING! so we cant be That nice to each other bc that wouldnt be fair! or w/e you know that typical shounen stuff. i only enjoy that sometimes and im glad its not a thing rn, and if it does become like that later i probs wont mind bc i feel like itd be done well 

so ruth and i caught on to the fact that that weird guy with the pins stuck all over himself was illuminati or w/e his name is (illumi? illumini? i forget already) but HOLY FUCK we both thought he was wearing a mask....god i wish that were the case, that face transformation shit was the WORST. sir why can you do that 

also when hisoka just watched this and was like ‘i always like seeing you do that’ or whatever god gross nasty i hate them

my take on the little we’ve seen of hisoka and illumitations relationship: theyre like the catty mean girls-types but Super Fucking Weird. idk if theyre gay togther (probably) but theyd be the epitome of a ‘is this allowed? [gestures at All That]’ couple. i had more thoughts on them but i forgt 

i find it funny that they havent shown killua like at all during this island hunting thing hvbhsdhfbjdk he probably has like 10 randos badges already. i feel like he would give gon a badge or 2 if gon needed them but that doesnt seem to be the case 

when hisoka spotted leorio and kurapika and went after them i was like [guy yelling NOOOOOOOOOOO meme] freal 

thank goodness kurapika could recognize that they would Fucking Die trying to fight hisoka, and bargained w/him instead. also seeing the flashback of leorio trying to fight hisoka was so funny. my man WHAT! were you thinking 

this is probably the stage that tonpa is getting out on and can i just say thank god i hate that guy. good riddance 

that sniper lady looked cool and im bummed illuminty took her out offscreen :( i also thought the black guy with the beehive stick thing was gonna do more but guess not

i find it funny that so many characters have these loud character designs but end up not having a lot of screentime...i feel like ive been conditioned by one piece to see an eye-catching character and mentally prepare to see a wholeass backstory lol

also. illunikn is clearly a huge freak which is probably why hisoka is willing to work w/him, but his design is weirdly cute sometimes (when hes not doing absolutely freaky shit, which....admittedly isnt often)

like the part where he transforms into his True Cat Man Form and then, without changing expression, digs a giant hole with his bare hands (with the body language of a feral person) and then gets into it to nap.....like.....bro. 

also ik illiminini is killuas brother (i think brother?) and wow that family has some strong Cat genes 

i find it interesting that hisoka has been working with illiimini this whole time, hisoka strikes me as a solo type of guy who would be all like ‘teamwork is beneath me’ and only have minions (a la dio, espec p1 dio) but he seems to have a fairly even relationship w/illuimian which is wild. i rlly wonder if thatll last or if hisoka is gonna like, murder/abandon ilubimi later bc he ‘gets in hisokas way’ or st 

i like that kurapika and leorio teamed up....married

i generally really like how the relationships between the main characters are handled, its sweet how theyre just like....generally nice to each other and stuff lol 

also oh my god i forgot that last time i hadnt seen the end of trick tower i need to talk abt that 

KILLUA MY BOY OH MY GOD....ive been waiting for this ngl. ily smug murderous catboy

i love so much how killua casually kills this ~*~scary guy~*~ and everyones like :0 but gon is just like yep thats killua! hes from a family of assassins! like the way he says it so casually and kinda cheery aw i love him. he doesnt even care that killua can murder people in 2 seconds flat, he thinks killua is AWESOME 

and oh my god i love how hard killua is trying like, all the time. he is trying his HARDEST to be AS COOL AS POSSIBLE for gon and thats adorable. its working too gon clearly thinks killua is SUPER cool 

the eternally hilarious part where kurapika asked what killuas secret tactic are re: ripping that guys heart out, and killua is just like ‘uh i just ripped it out. yknow...as one does..’ and kurapika is like wow im glad this murder catboy is on our side.. 

the psychology stuff in the trick tower was interesting as hell (catch me brushing off my psych minor like, oh yeah i know abt this stuff lol)...i like the stuff abt leorio getting discouraged/disgruntled when the majority ended up being against him a lot bc thats true!! thats how it works!! it leads to learned helplessness and stuff like that...also that animation of kurapika and leorio playing cards to explain the tough candle choice was sooo cute 

i really loved the solution to the final majority rule things....ingeniously following the rules while still managing to circumvent them in ways...love it

also gon is so perfect have i mentioned that already

im so curious whos gonna pass the hunter exam, i legit have no idea and i would find it so funny if gon becomes a hunter in the first goddamn arc hjhbdfhsdjbgk as ruth said, itd kinda be like luffy becoming pirate king in like chapter 70

i mean tbf if i had to guess id say gon passes, simply bc i cant see the story taking the time to have him do the hunter exam again in a year. also his motivation is to become a hunter in order to see what its all about bc of his dad - not JUST to become a hunter 

gons fishing rod is so cute. perfect item for a perfect boy 

his training was adorable. hes a smart lad! formidable baby 

the blooderflies were so cool and OH MY GOD how could i forget the part where gon had two blooderflies with little leashes on and had the leashes tied to one of his fingers....OOOUGHHHHGBSJFHSJBFUHEJKSDD bro my heart literally palpated like it does when my cat does something rlly cute, gon is seriously That cute and pure and good

every time hisoka is anywhere near gon i just wanna call the FBI on that clowns ass oh y god. pls leave ladboy alone....

anyways i love the main characters (HISOKA DONT INTERACT) and i cant wait to see what happens next. i might have more thoughts but coherency is not one of my strengths so bye

[thaliatimsh]

if its alright! wrt the 'directors commentary' asks, honestly anything /Anything/ for 'imperfect life', oof :0

ONE DVD COMMENTARY TRACK COMING UP BECAUSE HELL YES you may ask me about this one. GOD I HOPE THIS READ MORE WORKS OR I’M GONNA DIE OF SHAME. For those of you who’ve missed my pleas: imperfect life is on AO3 here. read it or i cry.

Okay I reblogged that post with not much of an idea about what I’d actually have to say but imperfect life is at least at the forefront of my mind lol

First things first I’d had an idea for a fic about Hodgson At Mutineer Camp that i wanted to write floating around my head for a while that was. I suppose centred on the sheer Betrayal of GIBSON YOU CHANGED MY SHEETS FOR THREE YEARS? WHAT THE FUCK? And as I did more research abt both of them and found that they’d been on ships together & that it was likely that either Hodgson or Peglar got Gibson his job? Fuckin wrote itself, especially seeing as in show-canon Bridgens is the Peglar Papers Steward.

Anyway I’ve said this before to everyone who’ll listen but I will say it again: I think Hodgson is misinterpreted & underappreciated by a lot of the fandom &  it makes me SAD and also ANGRY.

Like: I once saw someone say that he was “mad about Jopson’s promotion, so fuck that guy”? NO. He MISSED Jopson’s promotion! He would have gotten a KICK out of Jopson’s promotion! You BASTARDS! Hickey picks on him SPECIFICALLY because he’s out of the loop! I’ll kill you!

Ham jokes? I’m coming to your HOUSE. man’s as ‘obsessed with ham’ as any self-respecting naval officer starving to death in the arctic

Then there’s the “Who is this?” being taken as some kind of a-okay for cannibalism instead of a guy who saw someone shot dead just last night and then spent the morning burying said dead'un being literally scared out of his mind by a greasy lil rat with a knife and Tozer blocking the tent flap with a fuckign RIFLE. DAMN YOU ALL.

Do I think he’s a complete FOOL? YES. Do I think he ever had any kind of malicious intent? NO. Okay anyway I’m gonna talk a bit more abt that later so let me go back to the next part lmao

So Part 2 of the George Henry Hodgson Saga was then to figure out why he had to go stay with his aunts - this ALSO came pretty straight to me, for whatever reason. I think it might have started off as just his parents pleasure jaunt, but as I was thinking about later scenes with Jimmy Fitzjas I came up with a thing abt - Im not gonna find the reference now but in the battersby book there’s a bit abt William Coningham going to take the waters at bath or whatever for Weak Lungs which OBVIOUSLY made me think of my favourite comsumptive Of All Time Fryderyk Franciszek Chopin & the countryside retreats he & his sister Emilia took for their symptoms as teenagers (and unforch Emilia died of tuberculosis aged just 14… rip)

ANYWAY I had some VAGUE idea that George n Fitz could have some kind of Passing Discussion abt Brothers With Shite Lungs that obviously never came to fruition but. Lol whatever, it gave me a reason for why My Parents Sent Me To Stay With Two Aunts.

UH. Right, so then like the third leg for this to stand on was that Fitzjames and Hodgson had ALSO served together & Fitzjames had: 1. recommended Hodgson to the expedition 2: mentioned him TWICE in his Voyage of the Cornwallis 3. Mentioned him in his letters to the Coninghams from disko bay (one of the only Terrors mentioned - there’s a passage abt Fitzjames going to look at the icebergs with Fairholme and Hodgson. ANYWAY; show-canon Hodgson has a sense of humour and I really think he tried to make the men see him as approachable, at least compared to the other Terror officers and that reminds me a lot of how the historical Fitzjames seemed from mystery man! Seeing as they KNew each other I think it’s not unfair to suggest that he’s trying to emulate an older and more successful officer! He wants to succeed! He wants to have fun and to be loved by The Men!

My friend said something very Prescient abt this to me recently which was that THere are a lot of similarities between Hodgson & Fitzjames and it’s kinda like. Fitzjames is the Ideal, and Hodgson just misses the mark. He’s the average man’s James Fitzjames and because he doesn’t know about Fitzjames’ surplus of political luck that only makes him feel more of a failure. Fitzjames gets a bullet that gets him compared to Lord Nelson, Hodgson gets in the gazette as ‘slightly wounded’. Even their monologues! Fitzjames gives a soul-baring confessional he’s never talked about before to someone he respects and he gets! Affirmation! Gets told that he’s a good man and brave and loved! Hodgson gives a soul-baring confessional he’s never talked about before to someone he respects and gets! FUCK ALL! A MAN SITS IN SILENCE! He has to fucking! Walk out alone after all of that! FUCK!!!

Okay so this whole fic just sat in my brain for probably like six months until I literally sat up in bed because I worked out the last piece of the puzzle

(Drac has an epiphany, July 4th 2019, colourised)

Which was, of course, 'Hodgson went to boarding school’ - which is what all of this ends up hanging off of! Boarding school culture! The younger years are servants for the upper years, who in turn are responsible for the younger students!  including discipline etc so like… if a younger year brought something up to their “fag-master” it’d be sorted by them and maybe prefects, without getting schoolmasters etc involved.

WHICH is why George doesn’t tell the captains about what happens to Neptune, because he’s out here trying to be a good fag master and get it sorted himself! His own fag master fucked him over by getting the schoolmasters involved when they oughtn’t have been! He’s not about to be Archibald Harrington-Thurlowe! He’s not okaying the mutiny! He’s trying to minimise the damage *on his own* like a fuckin idiot!

IF YOU CALL HODGSON A MUTINEER I’LL COME TO YOUR HOUSE N MAKE YOU GET LOST AND ABANDONED AND END UP EATING YOUR BOOT BEFORE GETTING 'RESCUED’ BY THE SAME GREASY RAT WHO LITERALLY MURDERED YOUR PAL AND TRICKED YOU INTO SLAUGHTERING CIVILIANS! I’LL. I’M NOT HAPPY.

I’m just basically so upset about 'one perfect moment in a whole imperfect life’ being a childhood memory that he was taught to see as so shameful to compare it to cannibalism under duress? FUCK.

A whole imperfect life in GENERAL has me fucked up! He just kept trying and kept just missing what he was aiming for! I mean. That’s relateable. Not one part of a life turning out as you expected or planned? ME!!!! Your achievements add up to nothing and no matter how hard you try you end up a footnote! FUCK offfff

I had some difficulty with the religious angle for a while because. hm. okay. To start with the religious angle IN-CANON is just.... not correct. Catholics don't let you drink the blood. The church of england DOES... and that's what most of these men ARE. The Papist Speech as a whole was cobbled together from one of Crozier's ~Visions~ in the book - and it's important in that case that Crozier is IRISH... Poor analogy, writers! Putting aside that he was also... SEVEN... maybe he was an unusually tall seven-year old, people assumed he'd had first communion/been baptised & no one wanted to cause a fuss... I mean the guy has lead poisoning so it's fair to mis-remember but... YEAH. Messy, which is a shame because it's a powerful monologue very well-delivered, shame it's complete fucking nonsense 😂 (not to be like... SMH Americans but... smh Americans...)

Anyway, as I wrote it? that’s me. I wasn’t raised religious - my dad’s an old-school small-town Continental Catholic, my mum’s agnostic but raised CofE (but *her* dad was raised Jewish (also continental) during WW2), I think they couldn’t be fucked with the drama, I never went to church or anything and as a kid when we had prayers at school assembly I didn’t know what I was doing!!!! I felt bad because I couldn’t fathom God as a concept!!! I still can’t! But as a kid it’s like. I don’t understand and on account of that I’m afraid I’m going to Hell. tfw you write what you know.

ALSO there were definitely a couple of times where I wrote G H Hodgson as played by B W Wooster and I will not be taking constructive criticism on that.

ANYWAY My brain has kindof turned itself off now but I guess this is just. My own personal backstory to this jhsgfjhs. I actually probably have about 400x more to say but it’s fully evaporated. thank you SO MUCH for asking me though. i die.

[fazbearsfrights]

hey rick tell me. abt your aubergine man. show will to the world

you got it ;)

@bunnyworme

IT’S HIM, THE STINKY BASTARD MAN. he’s meant to look like michael because, y’know, sister location. for reference, here’s my mikey boi! there are some differences here and there, though (i.e. deathly pale, darker hair, sliiightly different haircut, green eyes, bigger nose, etc. also before / when he first opens fredbear’s he’s a LOT chubbier but he uh…loses a lot of weight after certain events. we’ll get into that tho!).

LET’S GET INTO TIMELINE AND PLOT…

SO what’s really important to me here is the stuff just before and after fredbear’s/freddy’s and the afton family, mainly because i haven’t thought up much stuff before then (though i really should - i don’t really even have a solid character in mind for his wife at the moment).

anyhow, william’s family consists of himself, mrs. afton, michael, and elizabeth. william is FAR from the best father, and certain incidents where he lashed out at his own children (particularly michael) led his wife to threaten to leave him at certain points. but william is nothing if not a good manipulator and convincing pathological liar, and he convinced her to stay for a good while before she ultimately did gather the courage to leave. she pleaded for michael and elizabeth to come with her, but elizabeth - desperate for her father’s attention, and always unharmed, unlike michael - chose to stay instead. and being the protective brother he was, michael chose to stick with his sister, despite wishing he could do otherwise. once the divorce was finalized, though, she got custody of them every so often - weekly, which left william feeling…conflicted. that being said, this situation takes place over the course of time, in tandem with the fredbear’s/freddy’s stuff.

at some point in this part of his life, he met henry - a small-time inventor who was incredibly talented, but toiled his days away on miscellaneous small projects, either toys for his children or crafts he could sell for a small fortune (which, sometimes, were toys that his kids had rejected). william, by now, was a bit of an entrepreneur who was looking for a new project - and although it wasn’t obvious at this point, he’d struck gold. over time, their friendship grew, with william wrapping his new acquaintance around his little finger (both intentionally and unintentionally, due to him genuinely growing attached - over time, he grew to admire henry in all sorts of ways). and in the end, some time after learning of his buddy’s talents…he decided it was time for a brilliant idea.

they were both struggling a bit financially, but if they sunk all of their savings into this idea, he was certain it would pay off. “fredbear’s family diner” (although it wasn’t titled at the time, merely a concept) - a family-friendly diner, featuring costumed mascots, like a dinner theater. when henry nervously said that there was no way they could support the salary of costumed workers, william eagerly suggested that they could play the roles, to which henry protested again - they didn’t have the time, especially not if they would be managing the business! eventually they settled on a compromise. henry would be designing a suit that could double as a costume AND an animatronic, like the robotic toys he developed for his children…a springlock suit.

it took ages, with henry tinkering until he developed the first springlock, then a prototype suit, then designs of characters until he and william could both agree, then suits of fredbear and spring bonnie. the two characters who would lead the restaurant. by now, henry was thrilled by this idea and the delight it would bring to not only his kids (who were already excited by the characters he’d been creating) but the kids around their town, and william was simply in it for the money right now (and ultimately, nefarious purposes). still, the two of them smiled on their (henry’s) work at the end of the day, and eagerly started work on the restaurant.

another long while passed, and the financial struggles that its construction caused stirred serious turmoil in the afton family that william had to fan down. henry had similar troubles, but finally, the diner was COMPLETE. the stage was set! his two springlock suits were brought in and placed, and the diner opened the next day. they had a rough time getting word about the diner out, but once it did, it spread like wildfire. it was New to everyone around, especially because of the way the mascots could “change” their styles of dancing. they could even sing! people were impressed, and it was a good thing too, because they really needed that cash.

time passed, and the diner’s popularity grew, and william was pretty happy with how things turned out…for the most part. by now, his familial troubles were getting really rough - things were settling down now, but he wasn’t a better person at home whatsoever. his wife was getting ready to leave (for real) and That was tearing him apart on the inside, despite what success he had from fredbear’s, which was all he seemed to care about now anyway (aside from his relationship with henry). when she finally did leave, he started to snap for the first time and started to lash out at everyone, especially henry. it was the first time the two of them had ever had a real argument, since william had endeavored to keep himself on his “best behavior” because he didn’t want to lose him - and yet here he was, projecting his feelings for why his wife left him onto his best friend, and yelling at him for his unfounded fear that he would leave him too.

the next day, william outwardly gathered himself for henry’s sake and apologized, then explained the situation at home (but twisted the story so that it favored him - it wasn’t his fault she was leaving him, she was the one who manipulated and abused him, etc). and upon hearing all that, being the empathetic soul he is, henry was ofc like “oh worm im so sorry????” and wound up trying to COMFORT him bc he’s baby. and once again, william had him wrapped around his little finger.

now, when his divorce was finalized and his custody of the kids got kinda fucked, and his wife got her first week with them, he snapped yet again. only this time, it was MUCH, MUCH worse. yet again, his meltdown involved henry (or rather, his family), and it was meant to be a cathartic moment - if my family can’t be happy, if i can’t be happy, neither can he. so when one of his henry’s twins wound up locked outside of the diner, he smiled at her - a familiar face for her, as henry’s best friend, and comforted her for a moment…just before stabbing her. and as she bled out on the pavement, he felt no remorse or sadness…in fact, his only concern was that henry might be nearby, since one of his damn kids was. so he haphazardly dragged her toward the back, near the dumpster, barely concealing her under some trashbags, and smiled as he loomed over her pathetically covered corpse. henry would be just as miserable as him now.

william changed into his “professional” outfit in the car, then scrubbed his hands clean in the bathroom the first chance he got, despite wearing gloves at the time of the murder. not even a few hours into the work day, he was being pestered by henry about the whereabouts of his daughter - he didn’t even know a parent could be so paranoid. master manipulator that he was, he assured his friend that she must’ve been around somewhere, probably playing with sammy or one of the other kids, or heck, maybe even playing hide-and-seek. kids are unpredictable! that seemed to ease his worries just enough for the time being, but in the meantime, he just chuckled to himself, knowing what a fool the man was and what panic and misery would ensue the second he knew what fate his daughter had met.

as anticipated, over the next few days, henry’s misery drastically intensified - she went from “missing” to “found” in what felt like a matter of moments, and all the while, william was his only pillar of support. and he was loving every second of it. being able to comfort him on his darkest days, hearing the weak “thank you”s every time he listened to the pitiful man’s venting, the long and anguished hugs. of course, it wasn’t because he was being a friend to him (although part of him did yearn for a closer relationship with henry like this) - it was because he was towering over him in a position of power, because now he was the one “on top.” henry was the one suffering now, moreso than him, and he would never be able to recover. in fact, william was doing better than ever - killing charlie seemed to instill him with more confidence than ever, and he LIKED that feeling.

henry became more and more disheveled, showing up to work in stained flannel and mussed up hair, bags under his red eyes because he’d been crying all night. this pattern continued for a long time, but the crying eventually stopped, though his sorrow was replaced by a deeply-seeded paranoia regarding his own diner. he feared the place, and feared his kids ever visiting it, despite him practically opening it up for them. and yet…none of his suspicions were placed on william. not the one person who’d comforted him in his darkest days, no. not his best friend. that man would never betray him.

eventually (after a bit of an expansion, thanks to some convincing on will’s part - new characters would make the place brand new, make him forget), the diner claimed another victim, and it wasn’t even by william’s own hand, much to his own surprise. another one of henry’s kids, funnily enough (from will’s perspective). he had to witness the man’s grieving process all over again, and support him all over again, all the while trying not to smirk as he towered atop him - when henry suffered, he felt higher than ever before, even though he loved the man to death. 

with this death, however, henry officially decided that it was high time that the diner closed down. he couldn’t bear another death on his hands - not another child of his, especially. he’d grieved enough, and he only had one left. even so, william wouldn’t give up. he convinced henry to create another restaurant, finally, but henry refused to make the animatronics himself…he didn’t trust himself anymore.

and so marked the first time that william invented animatronics of his own, with henry’s help. and once again, his ego soared, as he took to the inventing game rather rapidly - even henry remarked that he was impressed. his models were plastic, unlike henry’s fuzzy and soft ones, and he insisted that they would be more “kid-friendly” and fitted with safer technology to keep him happy. so, the 1987 restaurant was opened, and the toy models took over while the withered animatronics rotted in the back room.

in the meantime, william got to Killin for realsies. charlie was like…a warm up, but this was the real deal. he got sloppy, though, not realizing that his own tech would recognize Him as a criminal if he killed in front of them. in fact, it shouldn’t have been technologically possible. one of his creations - the toy version of foxy, and what would ultimately be the prototype of funtime foxy (mangle) - even recorded audio of him in the act. so, to keep them all in order, he tampered with their facial recognition software. then, he dismantled the mangle beyond repair, then passed it off to everyone around him as something the children did.

although william didn’t have much of a real motive for killing this time around, his interest was piqued when he overheard henry’s oldest son - an employee of the establishment - discussing issues with the current night guard, and how he complained about the animatronic’s behavior during the night. it might not mean much to anyone else, but the way they acted made it seem like they were aware. sentient, perhaps. and their behavior over the ensuing weeks made that possibility feel more and more likely - they stared at staff almost maliciously, and adults in general, but behaved normally around kids. and that caused him to wonder if there was any chance whether the spirits of the kids themselves could’ve tethered themselves and possessed the things.

regardless, when henry realized that more kids were going missing in this restaurant, he started to lose it again. he couldn’t keep it together anymore - and eventually, he managed to figure out just who was behind it all. and although william did his best to keep it together, and sway him otherwise, and smooth-talk him out of it, henry continued to push and push until he snapped and called him out for the liar and the monster that he was. with that, henry truly DID leave him - in fact, he’d left a suicide note, but he just disappeared. no body was ever found.

but despite everything, all the misery william put him through, all the intentional torture, william found himself absolutely devastated by that loss. and for once, he seemed to be genuinely saddened by it; instead of lashing out at others, as he was wont to do, he seemed to lash out at himself. he was a pretty rotund lad back in the day of fredbear’s and the 1987 freddy’s restaurant, but he grew incredibly, deathly thin in the months after henry left. a few new scars had gathered on his wrists by the end of the year. he grew more unkempt, just as henry had just after his losses.

but in time…he recovered. he grew to turn his sorrow and saudade into unbridled hatred. he didn’t need henry, he NEVER did. and to prove it, he made his own franchise and his own robotics company in 1990 - “circus baby’s pizza” and “afton robotics, llc.”, respectively. when his daughter’s interest was piqued after seeing him work on circus baby for the first time, he even encouraged her by telling her that circus baby was being made for her. that wasn’t the case, obviously, but it made her giddy and it would ultimately make her excited enough to possibly spread the word about the upcoming restaurant to her little friends.

finally, circus baby’s restaurant was open to the public - and unbeknownst to them, it was essentially a haven for child murder, just as william had planned for it to be. each of the animatronics had their own mechanisms for luring children away and for ensnaring them, and essentially all he had to do was watch the chaos unfold. this time around, it was an “experiment” of sorts - he wanted to see whether the kids really would possess the robots if they were killed inside of them, test out different methods, etc. as toy chica would say, though, “there is only one thing that could possibly go wrong…”

although william hadn’t been the best father, there is some part of him that did care about his kids. especially elizabeth, his “favorite” child. he may have ignored her - a lot - especially in favor of his work, as of late, but he did love her. and so when she ignored his constant warnings, his incessant pleading for her to stay away from circus baby, only to be snatched up the second she walked up to her…well. he was devastated, yet again.

he should’ve seen it coming, really, especially after telling her that he’d created circus baby “just for her.” but of course he hadn’t thought it through, and now she was gone. it was like he was reliving what he’d done to henry, wasn’t it? karma’s a bitch, ain’t it, afton.

he closed down circus baby’s after that single incident, and started working on an underground facility for the animatronics to be stored while his own mental state started to deteriorate more and more, since he was in almost complete isolation - not even his own son came to see him anymore now that he was entirely independent by now.

around this time, the next freddy’s opened up - the owner just so happened to be henry’s oldest son, the only apparent survivor of the tragedies that befell his family. this IMMEDIATELY caught william’s attention, and reignited the grudge he felt toward henry and his family all over again. he’d get “revenge” for what was done to him, and even to his daughter - at least, that was how it was justified in his twisted mind.

he applied for a job as a dayshift worker under an alias, since he would be recognized otherwise. thankfully, his appearance had changed SO drastically over the years that even henry’s kid - who’d spent so much time around him back in the day - couldn’t piece his identity together. not at first, anyway…but by then, it was too late. he got to work with his usual pattern - luring kids away with the suit they kept in the back room, then stuffing them into the animatronics.

fortunately for him, this could be the experiment he missed out on when he lost his daughter and closed his own restaurant down. and he didn’t have to pay the price for it - henry’s franchise, son, and overall legacy did. he kept a keen eye on the animatronics’ behavior both before and after the children were killed, and he was fascinated to find that they were indeed haunted. something about the semi-conscious bodies being tethered to metal caused their souls to become tethered, too - which led to events like this. 

in fact, their behavior got so aggressive that they started hunting night guards - most of them either quit to keep their lives or mysteriously went “missing” in the night, but william knew what happened. he could see their clumsily stuffed bodies in spare suits in the back. the animatronics were getting revenge for what happened to them, and he was intrigued. but at the same time, he was given a new hope…

he decided to re-dedicate some of his attention to circus baby and her friends with these new discoveries in mind. his resources went to staff and machinery that would allow the bunker to be automated for them - and once that was sufficient (despite a few losses here and there - what can you do? the animatronics Were designed to be killers, after all), he even started up a rental service for them. it wasn’t big, but it was a side project. and in the meantime, he contacted his son about a job offer.

it took some convincing, especially since this offer was coming from a father who had never treated his son well, but because it was about his sister - and despite the supernatural circumstances surrounding the situation - he ultimately accepted. his son would take a job at the rental place as a night technician, but his actual goal would be to find elizabeth and “put her back together.”

with all that settled, this particular freddy’s inevitably closed down FOR GOOD. after all, plenty of grieving parents had come forward, alongside customers complaining about blood and mucus seeping out of the animatronics, and the owner himself had “gone missing” during the night shift (after taking the place of his last willing night guard). and so william went in the abandoned restaurant one last time to dispose of the evidence. after dismantling all of the animatronics and retreating to the safe room, however, he was met with the ghosts of the children he’d killed - and one of them in particular started to approach him. 

he wasn’t sure what they could do, but he was frightened enough to back away until he locked eyes with his springlock suit in the corner - and he suited up one last time, positive that once they saw him as “spring bonnie,” the cheerful character that they’d loved and trusted before they died, they’d leave him alone. he made one fatal mistake, though - in his surge of confidence, he laughed to himself the second he put the suit on, which triggered the springlocks. and once one of them went off, all of them started to go off, one by one, inflicting a quite painful death - or what ought to have been one. william always comes back, y’know.

the safe room got sealed up - william never knew who did it, or why, but it seemed like a premeditated arrangement by henry’s son - and 30 years later, fazbear frights opened up and william was Pissed. he’d been locked up all that time and he was itchin for revenge…and since the emily family was gone, he was ready to take his anger out on the world around him. except there was no escape from this attraction, all over again - and there was only one person around. a “guard.”

only, when he approached the makeshift office, what did he find? the “guard” this time around was none other than his goddamn son - except that his son was barely recognizable now, deformed, corpsey, and boney. if it weren’t for the wig and the make-up to make his skin resemble…skin, he Wouldn’t have recognized him. william was a confused and angry stinky, rotting bunny.

every time he managed to make it up to the window pane just in front of the office, he slammed his animatronic paws on it demandingly and tried to speak to michael through severed vocal chords. michael, on the other hand, would wince and desperately try to lure him into another room by distracting the suit he was inside of (which still had a mind of its own, even with him being somewhat dominant) with those damn balloon boy giggles, and he would be unwittingly forced to leave.

the miserable pattern continued for a week until michael set the place ablaze, trying to get rid of the franchise’s worst mistake - william himself. of course, he failed, and william survived…and now he had a new target. his son himself. whoops. and that leads us into the final freddy’s restaurant.

a freddy fazbear’s pizza joint that michael himself opens up, to salvage all the final pieces of the fazbear franchise and get rid of them once and for all, to make sure that everyone is set free. william is, of course, one of these final pieces - and despite realizing that this must be a trap, this piques his curiosity, and he’s confident that he’ll be able to escape again. that’s what he did before.

unfortunately for him, the construction of this place was too clever for him to anticipate - a carefully-constructed labyrinth that would endlessly lure him and the others in a circle, up until the final day, where they would all meet their end in a fiery grave.

and, of course, there’s the end - where william meets his ending in hell, surrounded by the animatronics he’s gotten to know so well; some of which he’s created, some of which henry has, some of which are haunted by his victims, some of which are a product of circumstance, and some of which…are him himself. and the one orchestrating it all just so happens to be henry’s boy…sammy, represented by golden freddy, one of the most vengeful spirits there.

NOW. uh. i’m sure you’ve gotten a taste of it throughout all of this, but we can talk a lil more about his personality and stuff?

william is a very mentally ill boio, but i really like to hone in on the fact that he’s a bpd bastard because i feel like there were lots of hints about that in the books. maybe that’s just me though. i mean, the fact that he wrote stuff about henry that ranged from the dude being his idol and him loving his work to him almost hating his guts and being consumed by jealousy for his talents kinda sealed the deal for me on THAT headcanon?? so he’s got like - a debilitating fear of abandonment, acts kinda recklessly / impulsively, is INCREDIBLY antisocial, hostile, and irritable, has mood swings a-plenty, is actually VERY insecure even though he’ll never show that to anyone around him, and is really self-destructive even if he doesn’t fucking realize it. like, this man will shrug off ANY self-blame until the cows come home.

and straight down the line, i think william meets all the criteria for having antisocial personality disorder, too. disregard for right and wrong, persistent lying to exploit others, disrespecting others, manipulating others for personal gain, arrogance and a sense of superiority, CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR, impulsiveness and failure to plan ahead, hostility, aggression, violence, lack of remorse, dangerous behavior, abusive relationships, failure to consider negative consequences or learn from them, and being consistently irresponsible and failing to meet work obligations.

so he’s obviously manipulative and cruel, and a pathological liar. but well, he can be…nice when he wants to be? it’s usually when he’s first starting his relationships, but it’s never quite “right” - there’s a moment of peace while he struggles to find what his new friend/partner wants in somebody, and he’ll do anything to meet their expectations and keep them happy until they’re content enough for him to start showing his true colors. 

in his wife’s case, he was a perfect gentleman who did anything for her, but then he started getting upset with her very easily over the littlest things. things escalated drastically over time, but he apologized every time and assured her he would be better for her, bought her candy and flowers, anything to remind her of that perfect guy he was at first. and that sort of pattern continued up until they were married, and she miserably stuck with him through the arguments and bruises and incidents with her children until she finally had enough.

on a similar note, he really did care about henry (before it all went astray) - henry was his closest friend and it really showed in just how intense his attachment was to him. his depression over henry’s loss was far more intense than what he went through after his divorce. unfortunately, his affection for henry just manifested in an INCREDIBLY twisted way, with his jealousy and bitterness often taking hold more than any actual kindness he might possess. 

there’s also his kids - even though michael got the short end of the stick, william did occasionally show…some shred of affection toward him. let’s just say that a lot of the ways that michael was mistreated, beaten, and kicked while he was down was how william was treated as a kid, and those patterns took over once he had kids of his own. when he wasn’t taking out his anger on his family, he did act like a real father every so often, treating his kids to Good days at the diner and letting them play alongside henry’s kids, or playing with them himself, or just tucking them in at night and doing little things to show he did care, even a tiny bit.

and as for elizabeth, the favoritism was real. when william was working on his bigger projects, like starting up fredbear’s or actually designing and creating animatronics - those for circus baby’s pizzeria in particular - she got ignored a lot more, which always upset her, but other than that? she got PLENTY of attention. love from her dad (though his “i love you”s were always spoken so haphazardly to both of his children, whether he intended for them to sound that way or not), playtime (though he always seemed bored), and he would take her out every so often to get ice cream (her favorite). circus baby might not actually have been made for her, but one aspect of her design was certainly inspired by her - the ice cream dispenser. her father’s attitude was always what made her insecure - and there were other things behind the scenes too, like the way he threw out her drawings when she wasn’t looking (she always found them in the trash later on).

[lovebunnie]

fr the poem questions: all of them >: )c

jared... only for you...

the tyger – are you a taker of calculated risks or do you enjoy playing with fire? would you rather ask for permission or forgiveness?

i am a major rule follower, i am not at all adventurous and i like to stay in my comfort zone. my life is a mix of staying true to my comfort zone and doing what I feel is right, first instinct. 

i carry your heart with me – do you believe in fate? what’s your secret to living a good life?

i tend to not believe in fate, it tends to make people not take responsibility for their actions and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth; predestination takes away humility from us. and i wouldnt say that im currently living a good life, its getting there but more often then not i would not describe my days as ‘happy’, more so just another day. but to make a day not outwardly bad, i firmly believe in having a really good breakfast in the morning and taking a shower at night. both of those really make my days better.

i wandered lonely as a cloud – what does nature mean to you? where do you feel most at peace?

nature for me is what comes to us instinctively and what we turn to for comfort in trying times. i feel the most at peace either at summer camp or in my bedroom with my cat :3

blackberrying – what were your early years like? do you miss being a child?

my early years were very happy, i was a very happy and funloving child. it was a time where i wasnt told about any of my family drama so i lived in blissful ignorance. i definitely miss being a child, all the way up to about 7th grade. its just been downhill from 8th grade and on.

ode to a nightingale – how do you feel about your own mortality? do you believe in life after death?

my mortality is something of a burden i carry with me everyday, a reminder that every minute is precious and this is the only life i get, i have one shot to not fuck it up. i dont believe in the afterlife, the concept of death is something that if i think too hard about then itll fuck me up.

hope is the thing with feathers – what gives you hope? what would you tell your 10-year-old self?

hope comes from those news stories about good news, like charity donation goals being hit and remembered anniversaries and flower bouquets in public, there is good in the world and sometimes its hard to find but its always there. to my 10 year old self, i would tell her to not hold too tightly to those around you, and that life constantly changes so dont get too attached or comfortable because itll prevent you from growing in the future.

the road not taken – do you find it hard to make decisions? what regrets do you have?

its really hard to make decisions because i always assume that my ideas are wrong or bad so if someone else takes the lead, i cant be blamed. as far as regrets, i wish that in my past, i just put myself out there more. i couldve spent highschool actively seeking for possibilities instead of sulking and wishing they came to me. they dont ever, you have to find them.

still i rise – what's your relationship with yourself like? what are your best qualities?

i have a bad relationship to myself; if i admire one trait about myself, the other traits must be less than. for example, if i think i look nice one day, then i remember abt my grades or my writing and how much i hate both of those. i can never be fully at peace, it will never be enough to sate my psyche. my ‘best’ qualities depend on the day, right now i think i have nice eyelashes.

howl – can you express yourself freely? do you feel smothered by societal norms?

i struggle everyday to be my genuine self. its not so much societal norms but my own mind; i want to look nice but i dont want to attract too much attention. i want to be remembered but not for how good my ass looks or whatever. my biggest fear is that people see me as something desirable but only sexually so i want to dress how i feel but i cant because im terrified of the gaze of men on my campus.

the raven – are you in touch with your feelings? how would you describe the relationship between emotions & rationality?

im extremely in touch with my feelings. i can acknowledge when i am angry or sad or happy, even if i dont know why. i allow myself to feel my feelings and then let them pass, i hate bottling those things up. between emotions and rationality, i use my emotions 9 times out of 10. i ask myself, ‘what do i want?’ and the first thing i come up with, i know is what i truly want to do. 

sonnet 116 – how do you define love? what qualities do you look for in a significant other?

i think love is everything; its the warmth of hanging out with familiar people, its when people remember facts about you, its a meaningful hug and its ‘this reminded me of you’. its different for everyone but i feel love in everything i do. in a significant other, the biggest thing is being able to make me laugh, if youre funny than im sold.

to autumn – what's your favorite season and why? what cherished memories do you associate with that season?

my favorite season is winter because it has lots of holiday warmth, good food, pleasant childhood memories, and comfortable clothing. also i love snow. i have very vivid memories of a blizzard in maryland when i was 11(?) years old, my neighbor tied a sled to the back of his ATV and dragged us around the cul de sac, it was so much fun!!

the waste land – do you like big cities? if you could choose any place on earth, where would you settle down?

i love big cities, they evoke so many feelings of love and the atmosphere being surrounded by people makes me so happy! if i could live anywhere, i think it would be san francisco, i love the city and the weather and the public transportation!!

o captain! my captain! – what are your aspirations in life? what motivates you?

in life, i want to give a tedtalk. i would also love to publish a book but i dont like what i write so if i ever did, id end up hating the book anyway in a year or so. i want to teach people the joy of public speaking and i want to give kids the joys i had given to me by my teacher when i was their age. my motivation comes from, this has to be done and if no one else will do it, it might as well be me. i have the passion and everything else will follow after that.

she walks in beauty – what's your aesthetic? how would you describe the relationship between inner goodness & outer beauty?

id describe my aesthetic as lovecore, i love the color pink and red and hearts and flowers and teddy bears and dresses and sparkles and valentines day and i love everything stereotypically ‘cute’. and i feel there is no outer beauty without inner goodness, if someone has bad intentions or a rotten core, their outward appearance will reflect.

one art – how do you deal with loss? do you write diary entries, poetry or prose?

thankfully i have not had to go through tremendous loss in my life but when i feel an emotional loss or general low point, i tend to move towards art, aimless doodling to take my mind off of situations. it centers me.

work, sometimes – how does your favorite weather make you feel? what is happiness to you?

my favorite weather makes me feel SO happy, all smiley and giddy and like things are going to be okay, just for one day, i will make this a good one. happiness to me is comfort and joy, its something that makes you laugh until your sides hurt and its art that you look at and feel. happiness isnt a huge moment, its little moments scattered throughout the days.

acquainted with the night – do you think there's such thing as the right time? what’s your outlook on the world?

no, i dont like to set things off for the thought of there being a right and wrong time. time isnt real and we only have so long on earth so there is no time but the present. go get that tattoo, ask them out, eat that snack. my outlook on the world is that there is a lot of bad shit but there is also a lot of good shit you will never see but it important nonetheless. you cant change the world in a day so you might as well take it one day at a time, working everyday to make it as good as possible.

if – do you daydream a lot? are you volatile, or do you stay calm when conflicts arise?

i love to day dream, it helps me determine what i really want and its a lovely distraction when the goings get tough. i try to avoid conflicts in every situation possible but if i were pushed, id either accept my mistake and apologize and work towards a better future; or i would tell the other person how im feeling and what i can do to help them feel better.

what would i give? – do you cry often? if you could change anything about your past, what would it be?

things make me sad but rarely enough to cry, things more so tend to weigh me down then break me. i let the sadness take me however it sees fit. and if thats to cry, so be it. if i could change anything about my past, i would just say that you will only get this chance to start over in a new state once, the years will go by quick so to TAKE OPPORTUNITIES WHEN THEY SHOW THEM SELF TO YOU!!!!!!