#I have never seen a more compelling ot3

[doortotomorrow]

memoraven · emori’s thoughts about her lovers

[ai-the-broccoli]

DN ask game: 11 (lawlightmane), 24 and 25, please!

thank you for the ask!!

11. what do you think about (lawlightmane)?

I love them!!!

in terms of comedy, their yotsuba arc shenanigans were some of my favourite moments in the show. like I know how much this phrase gets said but seriously. world's worst toxic polycule. I always love horrible polycules in fiction, they're great fun (see gramarye ot3 and matt-juan-celeste-adrian from ace attorney; I ship the first one, and the second one is just so intriguing in terms of how fucked up it was. dysfunctionality, obsessive hatred & rivalry, murders, suicide, accidentally-implied grooming, dependency, untreated dpd [this one is like strongly implied in canon] and probably also bpd, npd and who knows what else mixing together in the worst way possible, the mysterious relationship between a codependent lesbian [strongly implied] working for years - in the role of his manager - with the womanizing bisexual male actor she fucking hates, the guy just having spy cameras installed all over his male rival's home for some fucking reason......... oh wait) but also! in this case they are like... surreal in such a nice way because of the contrast??? like it's so incredibly toxic and yet here they are. having the most godawful first date (canonically addressed as a date) in the animated sitcom that is called Death Note Yotsuba arc. love to see it. okay how do I explain the appeal here? uhh basically it's kinda like. gap moe.

now comedy aside (but also sorta combined with the comedic aspects; mainly I mean "moving onto it as a serious thing"). MAN. lawlightmane is just fucking insanely good in general. like it's like. it's many things, it is EXTREMELY compelling and an incredibly intriguing dynamic that is full of potential for many things. iirc after I first watched DN and got obsessed with it badly, I made a tierlist and on the topmost tier I put lawlight and lawlightmane (lawlightmane wasn't even an item on the tiermaker I was using, so I just uploaded a screenshot to use myself). both because it was very funny as World's Worst PolyculeTM, and because it's genuinely great. and now my opinions on all of those characters and relationships are much more developed, I think I definitely appreciate it more seriously on a whole.

regarding each respective one-on-one relationship involved in lawlightmane...

well I am. obviously majorly incredibly into lawlight as a ship (beloved otp-tier ship, and maybe somewhat on that tier across fandoms too; I think it's my top favourite canonically-m/m ship rn [maybe tied with another 1-2, but not necessarily]). not sure I need to elaborate since I mean it's lawlight, it's really good

and then law/mane [censoring since this is... negative-ish? so I'm not putting it in the ship tag]. uh full disclosure I have no interest in law/mane if light isn't involved in the picture sorry. (at least rn I've never seen anything that's convinced me) I can see the appeal, and I can also see why some people don't like it, but for me it's really just... well it's just not much my thing lol unless it's a lawlightmane-related situation. OH also personally I can't see it as a romantic thing per se, like my brain just really doesn't compute at the idea of "L is in romantic love with Misa" or vice versa even in an AU. but as for any sexual aspect, it's just a plain "this isn't my thing" situation (as in I'm not interested but the idea doesn't make my brain automatically go "???? [error 404 does not compute]" as a romantic depiction may). their dynamic also doesn't grip me like yagamane (also non-romantic -ish ship for me) does, so yeah, overall I can't say I ship it outside of shipping lawlightmane! HOWEVER as a dynamic it's pretty neat within lawlightmane too.

EDIT (before posting the draft): I woke up today and was about to add "actually I think for a ship such as law/mane, what would probably at least slightly convince me of it has be something thematic probably, so if anyone has any ideas related to how they thematically complement each other or such feel free to send them my way, I like that sort of stuff" but then as I was brushing my teeth my brain filled in the gaps vaguely myself. it's something related to gluttony/hunger/appetite etc. and uh... okay I can see it now ngl lmao. that being said even in that vein I still just like them in lawlightmane for the time being, what changed was that I now have a better feel of their dynamic within lawlightmane if that makes sesne.

moving onto yagamane. man I LOVE yagamane and their whole... *gesture vaguely*. I personally definitely don't see it as a... idk, relationship formed of mutual genuine romantic and/or sexual attraction, but like, it very much doesn't have to be. it's super appealing in the way it's sooooo fucked-up in all sorts of ways, including thematically, mutually, and it's incredibly compelling to chew on. I also love both of them as individual characters (extremely obsessed with light but also really love misa and find her fascinating to think about) so that helps.

anyway lawlightmane really is very good, imo. I love it, thanks for asking anon

24. any headcanons you want to share?

let's see, what have I not mentioned much here yet?

Matsuda has indeed sort of had a crush on Light

Soichiro considers himself a straight man but is not one

The Shinigamis technically can have sex despite what the author tells us, but they are largely asexual or at the very least on the ace spectrum

Kiyomi doesn't canonically present butch but she should be. in an AU where she lives to the future

Misa doesn't die after she attempts suicide near the end in the anime canon

Light should take to gambling, c'mon you know he has JUST the right personality for that shit, go for it Light, develop a gambling addiction instead of a serial killing one! you can do it!!

nsft-related:

weirdly to me Mello is mostly a dom except for when it's with Near. though I haven't thought about this extensively so my opinion can change

I'm not a 100% strict lawlight top/bottom purist per se but I'm sorry I completely can't digest a relationship where Light is exclusively or mostly a dom and a top while L is exclusively or mostly a sub and a bottom. I respect your (general "you"; as in whoever is reading this, not the anon) opinion if you do, and it's fair, but I just can't see it, it doesn't work for me. the dom part is more important than the top/bottom part for me also.

on that note my opinion is that Light TECHNICALLY can dom, especially in relationships with people other than L, but. he's actually just... not into it. he thinks that he is, but it will just turn out he isn't. he'll get the instant powertrip high over it for a very short period of time at first, and then he just. loses it, the high fades quickly and he gets bored as fuck. and he isn't into it at all and finds that he wants to be the sub to some other person actually. which in itself is something he'll find extremely humiliating but that's good too

anyway it's nearly a fandom consensus at this point that Light has a praise kink I think lmao. that I do agree with. I will propose that we also assign praise kink to Matsuda and Soichiro; it's already been done (well, one by someone else and the other by yours truly) and I think it makes sense tbh.

... actually on that note. my personal hot take is that we as a fandom should very much consider applying the "like father like son" principle to nsft involving Soichiro Yagami, in connection to Light Yagami (<- you must understand that I have a lot of those takes because the first DN fic and currently my only DN fic I've published off-anon is in fact a soichello fic. it is only natural)

also yes I think Kiyomi should be a dom and has S tendencies

Misa definitely gives sub energy. though I wonder if she can also dom

25. ramble on about whatever you’d like to

lately I've wondered briefly if MikaMatt (as a romantic? ship and/or as a platonic ship) would be good solely because I put them in the roles of Iino and Ishigami respectively in the Kaguya-sama AU (Iino and Ishigami are canonically subtextual love interests to each other, and they're a fun duo even though I don't particularly ship them romantically). however I still do not understand Matt much sadly so this might be as far as it goes [-> note: if any Matt fans see this and want to fill me in, feel free!! I'm always interested in hearing more]

speaking of Mikami. I def like mika / light casually but I often wonder how come I don't actively like it more considering my OTP in mgrc has the whole... god thing, as a major major major draw for me (see: my current blog header title is a reference to that ship). that being said I do get it because mika / light is different from hime / san in various ways outside of it so it tracks

Light should become friends with Chika Fujiwara (he'll hate her but hey. it's fine) and get into board games and card games, it will save him (maybe slightly. sort of. it will help a little at least.)

okay anon so. I'm going to take a wild guess here and assume that you're at least to some degree familiar with the J-drama adaptation (maybe you've watched some of it?), but if not you can still read this part I suppose.

it's so funny that every other adaptation of DN just gets progressively gayer and gayer because dude literally what the fuck was going on with j-drama lawlight lmfao

the fucking shower scene (and everything about it), the ??? scene where L hooks Light to a polygraph??? (no like what the fuck was that really. it's not as infamous as the shower scene, but the blatantly textual sadomasochism is extremely in your face in that one), and the whole blue sceneTM, and then Light practically kissing L's cheek after L's death, and everything else

with that being said. hmmmmmmm. anyway moving on to my feelings about the j-drama in general:

I liked it overall! some stuff in it are very nice. and I like the characters too, but definitely not as much as the canon counterparts.

importantly I absolutely have to see the drama and each character and each relationship in the drama as like, a whole separate thing from the animanga canon, because if I viewed it as an adaptation they would come off as awful whereas as its own thing it is nice.

I like j-drama Light a lot! ...but not even nearly as much as animanga Light, sorry. I have to see him as a whole separate character 100% (that way he's funny and cute-ish, and I can appreciate him), otherwise I can't enjoy him at all because I'll just be thinking "where's my beloved amazing perfect Bad NPD RepTM :( they nerfed him and now he's not relatable anymore" the whole fucking time <- wow this is very normal and doesn't say anything about me at all. dw about it

and on that note. ngl I have to complain a bit. so I've seen more than one person say that j-drama is so much more ""human"" than canon Light, and I mean, that's a fair opinion!! I get what you mean and I totally get where you're coming from. that being said... I'm sorry I don't agree and I'm not sure I like what that implies either. I know that compared to animanga Light, j-drama Light possesses various traits that are societally more associated with "humanity" but y'know what idk. I don't think that's true. to me animanga Light Yagami is extremely human. I think it is an incredibly human wish to desire to become a god, also

personally I don't think j-drama Light is a better person, if he commits the same atrocities as animanga Light and just simply feels worse/feels more empathy/feels more guilt or whatever about it. I strongly believe that your actual morality is determined not by what you feel but by what you do, like, someone who keeps doing bad things while feeling the societally expected level of bad for it is hardly a better person than someone who does the same things, no more, while being unable to feel as much [insert expected feelings] over it (but still doesn't do more bad things than the previous person).

anyway back to the j-drama. basically I like it, and I def have many fond feelings over it personally, but the watching experience wasn't as good as anime DN for me, and there is more stuff that I dislike. and also I can't compare it to animanga DN too much because as an adaptation per se it doesn't work at all imo (but as its own thing? it's fine and I like some stuff in it quite a lot).

anyway I think that's all on my mind for now!! thank you for the great questions, I had fun writing this

[roykleinberg]

Oh now you have me curious about your spicy takes! 👀

hooooo boy okay, some of this is about the franchise and some of this is about the fandom (which I love with all my heart okay please no one throw rocks at me lol)

90% of program/user ships give me the ick

continuing on the shipping train of thought, I don't actually find the Encom trio (Alan/Lora/Flynn) all that compelling as an ot3. and a lot of it is a personal pet peeve I've come across in a number of fandoms, but honestly most m/m/f ot3s feel like they're just a way for people to focus on the m/m dynamic while patting themselves on the back for "including" the female character instead of sidelining her completely........ even though said female character is rarely if ever a major contributor to the dynamic or a focus of whatever fanwork. but on a less meta side eye note I just find the perceived sexual component of Alan and Flynn's relationship to be the least compelling thing they could've had going on

and I know she's barely brought up in canon outside of Betrayal but uhm Jordan exists??? and perhaps it is an unpopular opinion but I would like to see more of her in things instead of relying on Lora to be the only human woman in the Tron universe

once again I might not be so harsh on Uprising if there was more to it, but taking it for what it is and how much of it exists -- a lot of the episodes were boring filler to me. also I don't like how they drew Tron

actually I don't like how Tron has been drawn in any rendered/animated media with the exception of maybe Kingdom Hearts

I don't think of Rinzler as a standalone character, and he's not at all interesting to me when removed from the fact that he is Tron with the serial numbers filed off. I feel like I've increasingly seen people portraying Rinzler as his own thing and it simply does not work for me. I think the whole point of his character / existence is that he doesn't have thoughts or feelings or any real personality of his own. he's a backflipping blank slate whose only real character moments are when Tron's overwritten personality peeks through

to that end I can't conceive of an ending where Tron or anyone around him would allow him to remain as Rinzler, and I can't imagine that Rinzler's capable of forming an autonomous opinion to not want to be Tron again

the fandom collective spends too much time talking about how hot the live action and animated men are and not enough time talking about how hot the Sirens are. or how hot Yori is especially in the deleted love scene. or how hot Paige is. or

Daft Punk (rightfully) gets a lot of hype for the Legacy soundtrack, but Wendy Carlos's soundtrack for 82 is unfairly slept on. love that those funky robots got to cameo, but we should be giving Carlos just as much credit for her work

for as much as it pains me to say it, I don't think Tron ever would've been a tentpole franchise for Disney even if they had treated it better. and it's mostly because of the sad fact that the general public has never been that into Tron. I see it tossed around a lot that Disney ditched Tron in favor of focusing on Star Wars and Marvel. A New Hope -- an original sci fi movie that had absolutely no brand recognition, so to speak -- made over $400 million in 1977. the original Tron made $50 million in 82. the first Iron Man movie -- which sure had comic fan recognition but was still a very early comic blockbuster -- in 2008 made over $500 million. Legacy made just over $400 million in 2010. and Disney advertised the shit out of Legacy, they didn't set it up to fail. yes it sucks that things like Uprising were dealt a bad hand (a garbage release schedule that lead to poor viewership that definitely killed the show), yes it sucks that capitalism impacts what art gets made, but the fact of the matter is that Tron has always had niche appeal, and niche appeal does not a successful franchise make. and while it'd be nice to live in the universe where Tron blew up, I look at what's become of Star Wars and Marvel and maybe I don't lament it all that much

[empressofthewind]

Hi, can I ask from both ask game :

https://www.tumblr.com/threecheersforinking/677824836625694720/anime-ask-game?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/rafael-silva/90297624190/send-me-a-fandom?source=share

For anime/manga : Death Note

Thank you for the ask! There was some overlap between questions so I cut out a few that felt repetitive <3

~~~

Ask game #1:

Favorite Character: Near 🥰🥰🥰

Favorite Arc/Episode/Scene: From the anime, the confrontation scene in Episode 30; from the manga, the Mogi interrogation in Chapter 79

Character I Think is Underrated: Halle Lidner!!

Character I Think is Overrated: Matt 😵‍💫 so sorry to the Matt fandom but I don't really understand the hype

Favorite Ship/Pairing: My answer MAY shock you but it is, in fact, Meronia

Something I Love About the Show/Movie: I'm not a big anime watcher so honestly it felt quite different to anything I'd ever seen before. It's very fast-paced and it wastes no time in getting to the action which hooked me immediately; there isn't really a moment that feels like filler or where the show stops to let you breathe. The characters are really unique and compelling, and I got SO attached to L on my first watch that I genuinely felt like I was grieving a real person and had to stop watching for a week after Episode 25 😭 not to mention that there's a lot of unexplored depth to the characters & their relationships so the fanfic potential is insane!!

~~~

Ask game #2

The first character I fell in love with: L!!!

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: NEAR 🥺 I was a firm Near hater for a LONG time for most of the commonly cited reasons

The character I love that everyone else hates: This is hard to answer because my fandom experience is very curated, so my dashboard is mostly an echo chamber of Mello & Near appreciation. Outside of my little bubble though, I assume there are still plenty of haters for the two of them

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: I struggled with this question because there aren't any characters I used to love that I explicitly dislike, but I have a feeling I was a lot more attached to Mikami on my first watch than I am now

The character I would totally smooch: Halle Lidner you can call me any time <3

The character I’d want to be like: 😵‍💫 can I say none of them lmao

The character I’d slap: Raye Penber </3

A pairing that I despise: "Despise" is a strong word, but I'm not terribly fond of any ship that splits up Mello and Near. I can enjoy Matt/Near or the OT3 under certain circumstances; any others are pretty solidly a no go

[nny11writes]

For the violence ask game, 23 2 21 for spop fandoms but also any star wars commentary you want to throw in would be cool!

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

I actually had to give this some thought because I am part of ship and let ship, and one of my favorite parts of She Ra is how easily and compellingly you can multiship in it. As long as you ignore the fandom that is.

The extremely limited things I've come around on were primarily willingly because I wanted to understand why people liked it.

But, uh..........well, the one and only one I got dragged around into is........................

There's no easy way to say this, but it's Glimmer and Catra.

Which is fucking WILD considering I participated in the first Glitra week in 2019. BUT! Keep in mind that Season 2 didn't come out until April 2019 and between S1 and S2 I actively avoided Glimmer as my least favorite character due mostly to fandom assassination. But yeah I did not like her so I did not get all the C/A/G fics that were out there. There were no fics or art I saw before S2 dropped that were glitra only, so it was introduction via an OT3. I kept hearing good things about Rage Break by Emberswitch (https://archiveofourown.org/works/17227490) and eventually caved to read it, and that was what got me turned towards the idea of Glimmer and Catra as a ship. I hadn't intended to and I hadn't been actively looking to change that opinion, but the hype on the fic eventually did make me go, "Well...what if there is something there though? Maybe I'll take a little peak. For science."

And then somehow I've posted 19 glitra fics and my longest fic ever is HtQY. :|

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

A compelling argument? Meeeeeeehhhhhh-

But, I do actually headcanon Catra as demiromantic and somewhere on the asexual sliding scale so when I think of canon Catra I think of someone who flirts because she's learned how to do so as a manipulation tactic (both for protection and power), so she comes off as a lot more sexually motivated than she really is. So I don't think my fave would top or bottom because I don't think she's into sex at all. If she has it, she does it more to please her partner so it's a performative act that can be enjoyable but not something she personally is into. If she gets turned on she'd rather rub one out on her own thanks.

Like I said, compelling? Probably not. Is someone still going to be annoyed or angry that I personally headcanon Catra in the show as being aroace but still a lesbian with a powerful and loving relationship? Yeah. People still fucking hate asexuals and aromantics, and I'm sure someone thinks I'm a lesbophobe for it lol.

So I think I'm still choosing violence here.

Especially because the complimentary side to this is canon Adora is not a top. She might enjoy pleasing her partners but you really think the person who has taken multiple gold medals in overthinking something so hard that you turn it into a disaster and your own worst nightmare wants to take charge during something as strange, vulnerable, gross, amazing, and complex as sex????

Miss me with that shit.

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

Catradora is canon gets overhyped. Like, sorry folks, I love them and was glad to see them be recognized in canon very explicitly at the end and have seen them be obviously a thing but through more subtext and interpretation before then. But catradora itself is overhyped.

Like, I can't remember who it is (you? Tispy? someone else??????) who straight up didn't watch the show for a long time because catradora focus was so intense that it was off putting.

If part of the canon is so intensely hyped or pushed that it's off putting....like.....c'mon

[hurricane-heatt]

FIRSTLY i do not know how i hadn't seen your ao3 before now and i'm losing my MIND i'm about to read it all bc i just read casualty of you and now i'm SCREECHING secondly... the fic writer questions: 11, 4, 30, 49! x

FIRSTLY AWAHHHH THABK YOU SO SO MUCH!!!! i hope u enjoy <3333

secondly gonna stick these answers below the cut!!! just because i started rambling ehe

11- Are you partial to a certain character/pairing or are you more equal-opportunity? If you are partial to any character/pairing, why do you think that is?

oh absolutely pairing-wise it will always be sebmark for me… i think i am just entirely struck by the different phases of their relationship? 2009 is an entirely different vibe to 2013 who is an entirely different vibe to 2017 and that makes fic writing them sooo fun for me its never a chore to write sebmark. beyond this teammate rivalries are just absolutely compelling to me i think the dynamics and intricacies are so so interesting, especially gaining more insight on that from marks book was just eeeee i loved it (fuck u helmut marko for everything you ever do). personality wise too they both suit each other well in terms of rpf and they dynamics that i’ve always written and like writing.

character wise i love writing seb. i rlly hope i do him justice because i just love his voice and his humour and his mannerisms. he’s my love ever and i love him so any pairings with him in i am always heart eyes over.

4 - What detail in [insert fic] are you really proud of?

i’m gonna take this as any fic i’ve written so! i think anything in good men die too verse i am hugely proud of. i did a bit of research for crush about street racing (a lack of in thoroughfare which i often get annoyed about but oh well) and so i think i got the car types right. either way it sounds professional so shrug!

an unreleased fic i have a bit of detail on is my siren!seb fic, its entirely unfinished but i did some research about mythology surrounding mermaids and sirens and think it’s pretty good in that!!!

30 - Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

oh boy most of my ot3 fest fics (i have three fulfilled hopefully! haha 3) were quite a new experience. i won’t spoil a ton but writing threesomes is hard man. lots of limbs

49 - What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

ehehehe. its a another fucking sebmark au! heir to father’s business seb nearly gets assassinated and his driver mark (annoying, gets in the way, keeps making fun of him) saves his life and thus is made his bodyguard in order to protect him. he hates mark already but this really pisses seb off, a constant shadow. also it’s called bad for business yes like the sabrina carpenter song

it’s going to be my first multi chapter and i’m anxious as balls about it and i really kind of hate the tone at the minute so it needs reworking. first chap is basically done but want three written before i post anything just for my own sanity. but here’s a little snippet of them winding each other up

+

Why has Britta put the medicine on the top shelf, for fuck’s sake, she knows he’s not that tall. He gets on his tiptoes, but the box is pushed further back by the tips of his fingers, rather than grabbing it.

“Let me, Mr Vettel.”

And then, the lean body of Sebastian’s driver against the back of him, reaching up to the shelf with zero effort. His fingers dash against Sebastian’s, and it’s a much more successful retrieval, bringing down the box of pills to his height.

Sebastian turns, putting his back to the countertop, the bare skin under his hoodie just brushing the cool marble. He’s close enough that he can smell Webber’s cologne - sharp. Masculine. Like the rest of him, ever predictable.

Webber takes a short step back, probably assessing how abnormally close they were. He puts the box into Sebastian’s open palm. The pills shake inside upon impact. He’s pleased, but through gritted teeth, like a dog finally being allowed a treat.

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

+

so yeah!!!! i rlly hope i do finish it and get it out because the idea has been brewing for months.

thank u so much for all the questions and ofc the love for casualty of you <33

[mousieta]

2022 Drama Rankings: Dropped Shows

Bulgasal

Year: 2022 Country: Korea Platform: Netflix Episodes watched: 2/16 I so wanted to like this one, I was quite excited for the cast as I enjoy Lee Jin Wook, Kwon Na Ra and Lee Joon quite a bit in other shows. The premise, also, felt very Guardian-esq in a good way. I enjoy a good immortal series and Korean fantasy with a dark gritty edge? Yes, sign me up.

Unfortunately I could never get past the first two episodes. It fell victim to the trap that immediately kills my desire to continue watching a show: I started rewriting the whole thing *as* I was watching it (at least with Love in the Air the rewriting didn’t start for me until I’d seen the whole thing). But once my writer brain kicks in to redo it all, the show is done for me, its no longer fun, it is work and frustration.

I just didn’t care for the writerly choices as they felt poor and led to the overall tone of those first two episodes being very flat, emotionally. I just didn’t care about any character enough to make the flaws worth it.

Business Proposal

Year: 2022 Country: Korea Platform: Netflix Episodes Watched: 2/12 This was sharp and slick, and very cute. I made it, again, through about two episodes before I realized I just didn’t care enough to keep going. The cute felt a little too much, as though the show were depending on that and its bag of tropes rather than believable characterizations and moving plots.

The writing of what I saw seemed fine, the acting was fine, the directing was a little to into itself but it was fine. Fine, fine, fine, and in a lineup of much more compelling shows, I just didn’t feel like spending my time with fine.

F4 Boys over Flowers

Year: 2022 Country: Korea Platform: Netflix Episodes Watched: 3/16 I think I may just be Boys Over Flowersed out, y’all. Again, like Business Proposal, it was cute and fine. I made it through three episodes and just kept forgetting to watch more. I guess I don’t love BrightWin enough to watch heterosexual shenanigans.

The casting seemed spot on and I love that Thailand now has their own version which seemed to do well. I have the Korean version which was my first and the Chinese version which is my favorite and I think that’s enough F4 for me.

The Wind Blows from Longxi

Year: 2022 Country: China Platform: Viki Episodes Watched: 9/24 Of all the shows on this list - and maybe any other on my Dropped list this one and the next make me the saddest. I got quite far as well, nearly halfway. On paper, this has everything I need. The writing is good and intense with layers of conflict and constant guessing at the twists and turns of the plot. It is slick and well-directed and the acting is phenomenal. It also has a delicious staple: a tense and fraught m/m love/betrayal dynamic. This should have been catnip but for some reason I was  always either too mentally tired to engage, or would get distracted watching other things. Dropping this was definitely an ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ thing. Hopefully, someday I’ll have the capacity for it because I think it would be an excellent and captivating binge watch.

Heroes

Year: 2022 Country: China Platform: YouTube Episodes Watched: 19/38 This is another one that dropping made me sad. It was delightful and has Baron Chen!! An OT3 Romance! Delightful DMBJ connections!! All I can say is what did it in for me was likely the platform. I don’t have the fancy YouTube so watching commercials made it impossible for my ADHD brain to keep focused on an episode, I kept getting lost in the plot (which isn’t why I was bothering to watch but would have been nice to follow) Now that it is on Viki I might give it another go when I’m in the right mood.

Strangers from Hell

Year: 2019 Country: Korea Platform: Netflix Episodes Watched: 5/10 This was so, so good. Amazing. Gripping. Twisted. Lee Dong Wook was terrifying and compelling, Im Si Wan was as good as he ever is. Everything about this was good. I am just a great big old scaredy-pants who cannot tolerate anything suspensful or scary (I never have been able to).

I did my best: I only watched on brightly lit weekends in the middle of the day, and only one episode at a time. With those restrictions I managed to make it to episode 5 before I just couldn’t take it anymore. Highly recommend if psychological horror is your jam, you will be very pleased with it, I think. I just…can’t watch anymore. Dong Wook I still love you though! I just love sleeping through the night more.

2022 Drama Reviews Masterlist

[enemyoflactose]

Hey! :3 For the ask game: Joey and Yami Bakura?

Hiiiii

Joey:

Why I like him

He's a funny guy with a really interesting and compelling backstory. A former bully with an abusive dad and (seemingly) neglectful mother, who hates himself and people like him, who changes because the boy he bullied thought of him as a friend, who tries his hardest to become a better person.

Joey constantly works towards improving himself, as a person and as a duelist. It's very admirable and nice to see from someone who's also considered comic relief.

What do I like about their appearance?

His face mostly. He's very expressive and that makes him fun to draw ^w^ just wish his hair was easier.

Do I prefer his dub name or sub name?

Dub. Clearly. It's easier to spell and remember for me. Joey is also just a name I like for characters. I think it fits his personality a lot as well. Not really sure how fitting Jonouchi Katsuya is. I haven't seen any stereotypes for it like I've seen with Joey.

OTP

Polarshipping. I love his dynamic with Mai so much! I wish it got explored more because they're so much fun and super cute!

NOTP

After making that ship list for my fic project and learning almost every ship we got, probably Joey/Yami Bakura. I just don't think my beautiful husband ever thinks about Joey. I don't even think he remembers his name. I also just don't find the dynamic interesting. Like, what do they have in common? Being stupid during duels? Everyone is like that! Dueling just makes ya dumb! That's not unique!

OT3

Petshipping. I can just imagine a duel between Seto and Duke to see who has to get Joey through the week and let him stay at their place while he watches in dismay like, "Ya can't just take turns?"

Favorite card they use:

Unpopular opinion probably but Flame Swordsman. Flame Swordsman all the way. He was there when Joey didn't have his red eyes, and he carried Joey through seasons 1 and 3. So happy that man has an archetype now. I also just can't stand the amount of ace monsters that are dragons. It's so repetitive and I wish there was more variety.

Favorite moment they were in

The entire end of his and Yugi's pier duel. It's emotional and I feel like it captures all of Joey's development in a really beautiful moment.

Least favorite moment

Stupid panty plank moment in the manga. I burn it. Didn't happen. Not canon.

Would I experiment, marry, kill them

(changed due to asexuality)

Experiment. Put him in a puzzle maze and give him a pizza when he solves a riddle. See his brain development.

Yami Bakura

Why I like him

He's a very interesting and unique antagonist. There from the beginning, always trying to kill Yugi and the others while never succeeding, never leaving, never giving up, never being right about their personalities apart from basic things.

None of his plans work, but it never feels like a fault on his end. It wasn't his fault that Ryou woke up and had his own NPC character summoned, it wasn't his fault Yami top decked Slifer and rendered his entire strategy useless, it wasn't his fault that the God Cards were never properly explained to him without directly contradicting former statements, it wasn't his fault that all the times he's seen Yugi the kid was never brave or strong and always needed someone's help, it wasn't his fault that he didn't have anyone there for him. He had no one. The only thing he had was thousands of years of the hatred of 100. I don't think anyone would do well in his circumstances. Losing everything you ever knew, friends, family, a proper home, and then being told you deserved it, and then being corrupted by darkness.

Ignoring the Thief King half of him because someone will try to correct me, Yami Bakura is a failure and I love that. It just feels like that's the only human part of him, that he just can't succeed at anything. He can't win a duel against professionals, he can't gather all the items and do his evil plan, he can barely convince Yugi that he isn't evil anymore, and he can't even execute a plan with hurting the very thing keeping him alive. It also gives him more to think about for when I finally write that redemption fic.

He's also so fucking hot and both his dub and sub voice scratch that itch in my brain that calls for something sinister and silly.

What I like about their appearance

He beautiful, handsome, amazing, gorgeous, pretty, stunning, charming, graceful, aesthetic, all these other words that hopefully have the same feeling

Do I prefer the dub or sub names

Yami Bakura is more fitting than Other Bakura.

OTP

Other than my s/i ship with him, museumshipping of course (⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠)

NOTP

Thiefshipping and fetishipping. Just icky IMO. Especially the second one. Both Mariks are so mean to him :( He doesn't deserve that 😔

OT3

N/A. This man is monogamous and doesn't share. My s/i ship doesn't count because Zorc is technically still him.

Favorite card he used

Dark Sanctuary and Dark Necrofear really made me wish he dueled more. So iconic.

Favorite moment

He deserved that victory over Ghost. As much as I love that little freak, I did cheer when Yami Bakura won. He deserves nice things.

Least favorite moment

He lost 50,000 aura when he agreed to help Marik out in getting his body back. Should've just went back to bed.

Would I experiment, marry, or kill him

Marry. I love him. He's already my husband but I'd marry him again just because.

Thank you for the ask 💕

[ghalibsmuse]

Trigger Warning : R*pe

Why do white male writers think that “rape” is an important part of female character development? While it literally does absolutely nothing and just there for shock value.

Not just white male writers but in some cases female writers aswell. I want to unpack some of my favourite female characters and how getting sexually assaulted did absolutely nothing for their character development.

Daenerys Targaryen (GoT)

Dany was sold off to Khal Drogo by her brother Viserys, please keep in mind that I am focusing on Dany from the show and not the book cause I have never read George RR Martins work.

Dany after getting married was continuously raped by her husband until she finally took charge and decided that she would assume control in bed. What twisted male fantasy is this? That a woman was continually raped and one day she not only accepted it but decided that she would please her rapist?

This plot line did absolutely nothing for Danys character line, if the sexual assault storyline did not exist Dany would still have gone and earned the titles she had and she still would’ve become Khal of Khals. This plot line did nothing but feed the male audience who further sexualised Dany or as they call her “Kaleesi” for no reason at all. (I’ve only seen men call Daenerys “Kaleesi”)

Caroline Forbes (TVD)

Imagine being written by a female writer and still be subjected to sexual assault and then have your abuser get the mOst ePic reDemPtiOn aRcs of all time.

Alot of people in the fandom refuse to talk about this plot line because Damon Salvatore is the stud of TVDU. But in season 1 Damon compelled Caroline and used her as his food source and continuously subjected her to sexual violence. Damon did not face any consequences to his actions at all, he was awarded with an epic storyline, a redemption arc, and he also got the main female protagonist. Furthermore, the topic never came up in the TVDU and no one even knew about it, and the show ended with Caroline and Damon being faMiLy.

The writers subjected Caroline Forbes to an extremely traumatic experience that she magically recovered from for the sake of OT3, the sexual violence plot line was not only forgotten but it did absolutely nothing for this female characters storyline. Her abuser faced no consequences and the show moved on and never acknowledged the trauma she went through.

Kisa/ Santanico Pandemonium (FDTD)

Kisa is probably one of the best female characters to ever exist out there. Her story line was exceptionally well written.

She was subjected to life of slavery and she wanted to take revenge. But later on we learn that she was also raped by her captor, which I think we could’ve done without. It did absolutely nothing for her storyline and just portrayed her as a victim to a man’s aggression. Before this revelation Kisa was on a path to vengeance and after that she was still on the very same path. Then what was the point of this new plot line or revelation?

Astrid (Vikings)

Astrid was kidnapped by King Herald, and it was in his kindgom that she was raped and subjected to sexual violence by various men. Astrid’s storyline was already a strong one as Lagertha’s lover and it absolutely did not need the whole King Herald trope.

If the writers wanted to kill her, she could have died at Lagertha’s side during a battle but the writers chose to subject her to a traumatic storyline for no reason at all.

Cersei Lannister (GoT)

Cersei was the epic female villain the show deserved. She didn’t have to be dead white man turned into an ice zombie to be terrifying. But the writers way of “humanising” her was subjecting her to sexual violence. Cersei was raped by Jamie Lannister on her sons funeral and it did absolutely nothing for her storyline.

The trope was extremely sexist, as if the writers were trying to convey a message about gender hierarchy on the show. That no matter how powerful she is, she is “vulnerable” to a man, to a knight.

Ingrid (Vikings)

Ingrid was Bjorn’s second wife who was raped by King Herald while she was staying in his Kingdom with her husband. The entire rape storyline did nothing for the shows plot line and was just in bad taste, and the worst part was King Herald did not face any consequences to his actions and died a hErO while fighting the Christians.

Sansa Stark (GoT)

Sansa was the epitome of the “male fantasy” a timid, petite white girl who needed to be saved. And the only way they could change that and make her strong for the viewers was through years and years to sexual humiliation and abuse.

Jeoffery humiliated Sansa again and again, in the court but that was not her breaking point. It was when she was sold off to Ramsay who then raped that she was considered strong. But to be honest for me Sansa was strong from the start and rape storyline was nothing but way of promoting sexual violence on the silver screen to attract a larger body of male viewers.

Brooke Davis (OTH)

Brooke is one of the most iconic and forever green characters on screen. But in during season 5 or 6 an intruder entered her house and assaulted her (I am not sure if sexual violence was involved or not). That was a plot line that the writers dragged on for a long period of time and for a while it did add to her story line but then it was completely forgotten.

That plot did nothing for Brooke’s character growth as she a was strong independent women before it happened and she was the same person after the events occurred.

(I am sorry for this post being too white, I couldn’t think of more PoC characters for this post. If you can remember any please feel free to add them. As, women of color are shown in more violent sexual situations than white women on screen.)

The point of this post is that sexual violence never adds anything to the female characters growth. Then why is it portrayed on screen? For shock value?

[addictedtostorytelling]

Hi! So this prompted by a thread I’ve recently seen on reddit, a whole thread dedicated to how awful a character Sara is. And this is not unusual, pretty much every discussion board that’s not focused on GSR always bashes Sara. And I just don’t get, she’s one of the best written characters on a tv show! Is it because she doesn’t look/dress/behave like your typical female character on tv? And has an actual depth to her? Oh and my favourite ‘she has no chemistry with Grissom’ sorry, just ranting!

hi, anon!

i’ve got some thoughts on this matter after the “keep reading,” if you’re interested.

___________

ask any fan why they love their favorite fictional character, and they can probably talk your ear off for hours (or even days) about all of the reasons why they do. sometimes it’s because they find them compelling; other times, relatable; still others, attractive, inspiring, uplifting, representational, comforting, intriguing, true-to-life, well-written, well-acted, one-of-a-kind, or even “all of the above.”

of course, ask the same fan why they dislike whatever fictional character they dislike, and your mileage may vary. in some cases, they might offer you a simple, “i dunno. i just don’t.” in others, they might be able to supply you with a full dissertation on all of the reasons why they find that particular character loathsome.

sara sidle has certainly been on both sides of that line, as both the beloved character and the hated.

fans who love her can talk about her ad nauseum and are still finding parts of her character to analyze even now that two full decades have passed since she first appeared on our tv screens.

of course, fans who hate her tend to be equally effusive—she doesn’t usually elicit the “i dunno. i just don’t” kind of response; she more often tends to get the dissertation treatment.

for twenty-one years now, csi fans have either really, really loved her or really, really hated her, with very few lukewarm feelings in-between. 

while in my well-insulated little corner of the internet, it would appear that the lovers outnumber the haters, i’m not sure that such is actually the case in a broader sense among non-gsr shippers and the csi fandom at large.

there are—and have always been—lots of folks who are anti-sara out there, and they tend to be pretty vocal about their sentiments, as your perusal of reddit well-proves.

jorja fox herself has even talked about them.

in an interview with entertainment weekly leading up to the series finale, she explained:

“i think sara is the least-liked character on the show. as much as she has a lot of fans, i think she has more who dislike her. obviously sara had her sights on grissom. he’s our protagonist and all eyes see the lab through grissom, especially through the first nine seasons. so all of sudden there is sara in that vision. but there were fans who wanted gil to hook up with catherine or lady heather. i also think sara is socially awkward and stands by her guns no matter what. that can be grating to people. she never cared that much about being popular. she cared about getting to the truth of things. maybe for my own survival, i tried to see it as a compliment. whether fans loved you or hated you, at least they were emotionally invested or feeling passionate about sara.”

the reasons jorja gives here as to why people are so vehement in their dislike for sara are spot-on.

to elaborate on them somewhat:

some people dislike sara due to shipping preferences.

even on other shows where the “flagship romance” is featured prominently and consistently, complete with clearly identifiable tropes and mainline focus galore, there are always divergent opinions in shipping.

though the majority of the audience is going to root for character a to be with character b since that’s what the narrative has promoted to them, there will always be some who ship character a with character c instead—or characters a, b, and c as an ot3; or character b with character c; or character a with character b AND ALSO character c; or character a with an oc; or character a with anyone BUT character b; etc., etc., etc.

that’s just the nature of shipping, no matter what tv writers intend to either promote or discourage in canon.

—and that’s especially the case with grissom and sara.

while there is still now and has always been a large contingent of gsr fans both among the fandom and more casual viewers, there have also always been many fans who ship both grissom and sara with characters other than each other.

in the case of grissom, his biggest non-sara ships are with catherine (grillows) and heather (kessom), though people also ship him with sofia and slash ship him with warrick, nick, hodges, brass, and even greg.  

that there are so many popular alternatives to gsr out there even though gsr’s courtship spanned the entirety of the show might seem like a curious phenomenon, at least until one considers that even though gsr is the flagship (and really only prominent canon) romance of csi, the narrative doesn’t necessarily frame it as such, which means that there’s still “lots of story real estate” available within the narrative for people to become invested in other grissomcentric ships, particularly as gsr “goes official” so very late in the game.

think about it: 

out of 172 episodes between the pilot and episode 08x07 “goodbye & good luck” (i.e., “the golden era of gsr”), only about twenty episodes have what we might deem a “heavy gsr focus.”

that’s just 12% of the overall show between s1 and mid-s8.

and that’s only if we’re being really generous with our definition of “heavy gsr focus.”

that means that about 152 episodes—or 88% of the first seven and a half seasons of csi—have moderate to no gsr focus.

so just statistically speaking, it’s really easy to “miss” gsr, and especially considering that there are just as many episodes—and sometimes even more—that heavily focus on grissom paired with some other character aside from sara (not necessarily in the romantic sense but just in terms of whom he’s working and sharing screen time with).

for example, there are about twenty-two episodes between s1 and mid-s8 which have a heavy grillows focus. 

—and that’s just going by the numbers.

when you actually get into how gsr is depicted, looking at the substance, you run into a mess of subtext, implication, and innuendo, with very little straightforward storytelling taking place.

seldom does the show come out and say in an unequivocal way, “hey! grissom and sara are madly in love with each other, and despite their hang-ups, they actually do want to be together! and they are good together! they’re each other’s best matches! root for them!”

more often, it hints, whispers, suggests, and even subverts, heaping on layers of ambiguity and leaving viewers with more questions than answers.

for gsr fans, all of this stuff—the slow burn of the relationship; how rarely we’re given insight into its workings; the fact that the majority of the action takes place in-between the lines; the fact that much of grissom and sara’s communication regarding their dynamic is nonverbal; the inherent ambiguity of grissom and sara’s interactions in general; the way that the writers withhold from us key gsr history and access to game-changing gsr events as they happen in real time; how chastely the relationship is depicted on screen; how little screen time it receives on the whole; etc.; etc.—is, while not necessarily preferred, at least tolerated.

we’ve learned to work through and around the obfuscation.

but for a lot of people, the abstruseness is prohibitive, preventing them from either fully recognizing gsr for what it is or liking what they see even if they do recognize it.

for a lot of folks in the first camp, the big gsr reveal at the end of s6 seemingly comes out of nowhere. while some completely miss all of the gsr cues altogether, others may recognize that sara has always had a crush on grissom but fail to notice that he has reciprocated her feelings, particularly past the events of episode 04x12 “butterflied.” 

having not been locked in on gsr throughout its development, they may view other potential relationships as being just as—if not more so—prominent and/or viable than grissom’s relationship with sara.

to them, it may seem as if grissom were being set up to be with someone other than sara, only to have the show change tacks out of nowhere.

consequently, when they’re confronted with gsr in canon, they may feel like the pairing lacks depth, is poorly articulated, is ill-matched, and/or is less desirable than other potential pairings. 

their disappointment in the ship may color their feelings about sara for the worse; in their eyes, they may view her as being “undeserving” of grissom, particularly in comparison to catherine, heather, nick, hodges, or whatever other character(s) they might prefer to see him with instead.

it’s a tale as old as time in fandom: explaining why you favor one pairing over another oftentimes turns into an exercise in listing reasons why you dislike a particular character in the unfavored pairing instead.

for folks in the second camp, they may follow the gsr signposts and recognize the pairing as it’s coming down the pipe but still not be happy about this development, either because they favor another pairing more OR because they feel as if the gsr build-up doesn’t warrant the payout.

of course, some of these folks will be fans of both grissom and sara, neither one of them, or sara more than grissom. but for those who are fans of grissom but not sara, the “sara of it all” when it comes to gsr will often irk them.

for many, sara comes on too strong in the early seasons. they don’t like her “neediness” and view her as pouting when she doesn’t get her way with grissom. they may look at interactions like the one at the end of episode 03x03 “let the seller beware” and say that sara is passive-aggressive and/or demanding. it may be their sense that gsr has been shoehorned in by the writers, even though grissom and sara’s chemistry is (in their views) lacking particularly in comparison to their own favored grissom-ships.

the fact that grissom ends up with sara may foment their dislike of her.

they may not like seeing her “rewarded” with him or him “punished” by being with her. 

regardless of whether they’ve been aware of the gsr story unfolding or not, they may ultimately just like another ship better and feel as if sara is the one thing that stands in the way of grissom + whomever they think would be best for him. looking at her, they may be irritated that she’s the person grissom romances, dates, and eventually marries. they may feel squicked that she’s so much younger than he is. they might have a million reasons why x, y, or z character in their preferred ship is better than sara, in their views; why grissom’s soulmate is somebody else; why they like these other vibes better. they may feel as if grissom is wasted on sara or that all of the chemistry they perceive in their preferred ship is wasted because of her.

the whole thing just might leave a bad taste in their mouths.

that’s just how fandom is a lot of the time—and particularly when dealing with female characters.

you will note that it is far less common for people to dislike grissom or feel as if he is “unworthy” of sara, even in situations where they might ship sara with another character other than grissom, such as greg, nick, catherine, finn, etc. in those cases, they’re more likely to say that while they still like grissom, they just don’t prefer him with sara. their sentiments are typically far less vitriolic.

—but, of course, there are more reasons why people dislike sara than simply that she “gets in the way” of their preferred ships.

another one of the biggest reasons why people dislike sara is her personality.

sara is, as you say, one of the best-written television characters ever*.

* at least during the first several seasons of the show before they fucked her characterization up in the post-grissom era.

but “best-written” doesn’t necessarily translate to “most likable.”

the fact is that sara is a lot™.

she reads exactly the way that she should as someone who was a child genius raised in an abusive household by mentally-ill, alcoholic parents, one of whom killed the other while she was still very young, causing her to be put into foster care, where she remained for many years before eventually being emancipated from the system, having never been subsequently adopted. 

—which is to say that baby girl is a full mess more often than not.

she’s socially awkward as hell; she has attachment issues galore; she alternates between being standoffish and clingy; she frequently says things that make anyone with more than two ounces of self-awareness physically cringe because oof, girl; she fishes for compliments and validation; she’s competitive even when there’s no need to be; she can be self-righteous as all get-out—and did i mention the awkward thing?

she’s exactly the way she should be, her history considered, and we who are sara fans love her just the way she is—every idiosyncratic, rough-edged, raw bit of her.

but the truth is, she isn’t to everyone’s tastes.

not everyone is willing to forgive her overzealousness or moments of smug moral superiority. not everyone can stand to watch her when she’s making an ass of herself arguing at a crime scene or losing her composure over the way a case is shaking out. not everyone likes her sometimes caustic exchanges with her coworkers. not everyone thinks her stubbornness is justified.

she rubs a lot of folks the wrong way, sometimes because they don’t realize what she’s come from (having missed parts of her backstory, told in piecemeal over the seasons, in the same way they may have missed the build-up to gsr) or because even knowing her backstory they still don’t feel as if she should get a pass.

they may compare her to other characters who also have experienced trauma, such as nick, and note that she is much more abrasive than they are—that she is not as warm or open, not as accessible, not as straightforwardly sympathetic, etc.

they might also fail to appreciate her “redeeming qualities,” including her wry wit, her determination, her compassion, her cleverness, the way she pours her whole heart into her cases, her unfailing humanity (despite how horrible her life has been), her patience as a teacher, her kindness as a friend, her loyalty to the team, etc., etc.

in their eyes, she might just be a brat, plain and simple.

there are more than a handful of episodes on the show where sara comes off looking selfish, immature, petty, and/or annoyingly reckless (such as, for example, in episodes 04x08 “after the show” and 04x15 “early rollout”), and particularly for fans who already dislike her and feel protective of grissom, her quickness to skip town and leave him behind in s8 and s9 doesn’t score well in their views. 

some people’s dislike of her is due to misreading or to not having all of the facts—for those who are unaware of the finer points of her backstory, she may just seem like she’s oftentimes “bitchy for no reason”—though of course there are plenty of folks who aren’t keen on her just as a matter of personal taste.

not to harp too much on the sexism angle, but, honestly, sara is one of those characters where, were she male, many of her traits—such as her brashness, tendency toward recklessness (particularly in cases where she shows a blatant disregard for her own safety because she’s pursuing a lead), sullenness, toughness, contrariness, aloofness, etc.—might be viewed much more positively or at least with more allowance.

—which brings us to our next reason why some fans dislike her.         

namely, because she is, as you note, not “traditionally feminine.”

sara isn’t soft.

sara isn’t passive.

sara isn’t always sweet.

sara isn’t always gentle.

sara is—often—abrasive.

sara is—often—aggressive.

sara can be recalcitrant.

impulsive.

proud.

difficult.

in all of these senses, she is not coded as “traditionally feminine”—and in the great, wide world of fandom, that’s reason enough for many people not to like her.

but that’s also not the half of it, because sara also isn’t (as is sometimes the case concerning “strong female characters” primarily written by male writers) coded as a “masculine” character, either.

the fact is, despite not altogether conforming to feminine gender roles, she does have some “traditionally feminine-coded” traits—for example, she can be nurturing (such as when she’s taking care of brenda collins or training greg); she is often openly emotional (a point on which grissom even remarks in episode 02x15 “burden of proof”); she is kind and understanding; she is forgiving; she is devoted, particularly to “her man;” etc., etc.

honestly, she doesn’t fit into one neat and tidy gendered box—and particularly when we consider that even beyond her personality traits, there’s also the matter of how she presents herself.

despite catherine’s assertions to the contrary (see episode 02x09 “and then there were none”), sara does actually pay attention to her appearance and present herself in a traditionally “femme” way. while she doesn’t often show décolletage or wear high heels to work like catherine does, she does don both makeup and jewelry, and she styles her hair. 

her hair is naturally curly, but she frequently straightens it, and, in fact, the only time when we see her leave her hair curly for an extended period (aside from a few episodes here and there in the early seasons) is in s8 when she can’t physically work a straightening iron because her arm is broken.

while she most often wears slacks to work, she isn’t wholesale opposed to skirts and will wear them to court or on special occasions (such as when she attends the gala in episode 11x13 “the two mrs. grissoms”).

so even in terms of her appearance, sara is not wholly one way or another—she’s more “tomboyish” than catherine, yes, but she’s also not entirely “unfeminine” (and certainly no more so than other female characters on the show, such as wendy and sofia).

and i think herein lies the problem with her for some people: she doesn’t adhere to the expected gender tropes, one way or another.

in modern media, there are specific things that audiences look for to know that they’re dealing with a “strong female character” in the story de jour, and while sara ticks some of those boxes, others she doesn’t, and, in fact, in some ways, she even aligns more closely with the tropes associated with the traditional “female love interest” for the show’s male hero (in the sense that grissom often does rescue her either from physical or emotional danger, she does pine after him, she is frequently emotional, etc.).

in some ways, she’s “too femme” to fill the “tough chick” role. in other ways, she’s “too masc” to fill the “girl next door” one.

while there are certainly many fans who appreciate the nuance and contradiction and uniqueness of sara and her gender presentation, not everyone does. some people feel like she tries to play like she’s strong but is actually obnoxiously helpless and weak. other people feel like she’s only allowed to be tough and competent until the narrative needs her to fold (typically in service to allowing grissom to play the hero). there are some folks out there who would just prefer her to be one way or another, to better conform to what they’re used to seeing from a female lead on a primetime show.

—which brings us to our next reason why some folks dislike her.

essentially, because they feel she compares unfavorably to other characters.

csi is an ensemble show, and during the early seasons at least, all of the characters are distinct from one another, each one having their own specific personality, complete with individual quirks, aptitudes, flaws, fancies, etc.

logically, liking one of these distinct characters shouldn’t preclude one from liking another—but fans don’t always engage with source material in a logical way.

the three most common comparisons people make with sara (in my experience) are to catherine, heather, and nick.

in the case of catherine, they do so both because catherine and sara are—during the early seasons of the show—the only two female main characters in the cast (barring sofia, who’s not around for very long) AND because, as they are so incredibly different from each other, the narrative of the show itself does often pit them against each other, thereby inviting further comparison from the fans.

while they’re both intelligent, driven career-women, their worldviews, attitudes, and approaches to their work are wildly divergent—and sometimes even diametrically opposed. for this reason, more than once, they’ve come to loggerheads over various cases.

indeed, for the first several seasons of the show, they don’t even seem to like each other very much. 

that so, holding them up “against each other,” there’s a lot to talk about.

some folks who prefer catherine like to point out the ways in which sara is supposedly inferior to her. 

for example, whereas catherine is socially savvy and politic, sara is socially awkward and a notorious burner-of-bridges, particularly in dealing with the department administration; catherine is usefully street smart whereas sara is academic but so bad with people that this trait can at times be an impediment; catherine is very comfortable with her sexuality and sara less so (which, some folks argue, makes sara less “progressive” than catherine, in terms of representation); catherine is more traditionally feminine (and therefore, per some, a “better example of a strong female character” than sara), while sara is the muddle of blended gendered traits described above (not all of which “play well” in terms of representation); etc., etc.; etc.

though in reality these differences between catherine and sara don’t necessarily make one of them “better” than the other—just different—some people see things in terms of that binary. 

for them, it’s not just that they prefer catherine over sara but that they think that sara is a bad character and catherine a good one.

they love what catherine represents and hate what sara does.

in these cases, a lot of the other reasons for disliking sara described above (i.e., shipping preferences, dislike of sara’s personality, strong opinions about how sara either does or doesn’t fulfill various gender roles, etc.) also come into play.

ditto for when people compare sara to heather.

again, while sara and heather aren’t necessarily total opposites—they’re both geniuses, social pariahs, skilled readers of one gilbert grissom (phd), self-loathing, depressive, stubborn af, principled, single-minded, etc., etc.—for a lot of the fandom, the tendency is to pit them against each other, which is an action that show canon particularly in the later seasons actually somewhat encourages, given its insistence on playing up the supposed “love triangle” between them with grissom.

while comparison between sara and heather just for its own sake is rare, in terms of rating them as potential partners for grissom, people can get downright sharp.

they say heather is grissom’s ideal match because she’s in the driver’s seat with him, whereas sara is a “sad sack” who waits around for him to make the decisions. they like how heather’s relationship with grissom is emphasized within the narrative, as opposed to gsr, which is chronically left understated.

while heather gets far less screen time with grissom than does sara, almost every time heather is on screen at all in csi, she is either directly interacting with grissom or her presence in the episode has something to do with him (such as in episode 11x19 “unleashed,” where though grissom is not physically present, he is name-dropped many times and heather and sara’s whole dynamic revolves around him). heather’s connection to grissom is therefore often “more obvious” than is sara’s and more closely resembles other television romances with which the csi audience might already be familiar than does gsr.

to them, heather is powerful, sensual, intriguing, and challenging in a good way, but sara is floundering, sexless, uninteresting, and challenging in the sense that she’s obnoxious but nothing more.

they would much rather see grissom with a charming and calculating “lady of the night” than with his overeager former student.

they like that heather has “flavor,” whereas sara (by comparison) seems vanilla.

of course, it’s not just against other women and/or in matters of shipping where sara can come off looking unfavorable by comparison.

in the csi suffering olympics, nick and sara are far and away the frontrunners, as in addition to both undergoing some very serious traumas and sustaining life-threatening injuries on the job, they also have both come from difficult childhoods and carry with them scars sustained years before we first meet them.

they’re both trauma survivors, and yet their responses to surviving trauma couldn’t be more different.

particularly at the start of the show—before he becomes more “damaged” after enduring so many work-related traumas over the years—nick is the optimist to sara’s pessimist (or at least “disgruntled realist”). he’s seen bad things but he’s still warm, hopeful, and earnest; sara is more jaded, less open, quicker to despair. he wears his heart on his sleeve while she hides hers away to keep it from being broken. he gives people the benefit of the doubt, whereas she doesn’t trust anyone (except for grissom) as far as she can throw them. he’s a boy scout while she’s a smart mouth.

the list goes on.

again, as has been our theme so far, one characterization isn’t necessarily intrinsically “better” than the other, but some people do still find reason to disparage sara because of how they feel she stacks up—or fails to stack up—to nick.

they look at her and say, “well, she doesn’t have to be the way she is. why is she so difficult when nick isn’t?”

they feel as if she is unjustified in behaving in the ways that she does, given that nick represents a clear alternative.

in their view, nick’s suffering has made him stronger, kinder, more loving, and ultimately sympathetic, but sara’s has just made her bitter. they dislike how she wears her traumas and how incredibly visible they are on her at times.

her messiness is a turnoff to them, particularly in contrast to how functional nick is or at least appears to be (especially in s1-s8).

—and that brings us to the final reason we’ll discuss here as to why folks dislike sara so much:

because she’s not what they’re looking for.

just like in real life, there are some people one simply does not vibe with™, the same is certainly true when it comes to fictional characters.

everyone looks for different touchstones in the media they consume. for some, it’s important to see certain situations, demographics, peoples, and ideas represented. for others, it’s to draw inspiration or be uplifted. for others, it’s to experience catharsis. for others, to be challenged and made productively uncomfortable, to have their horizons broadened.

because sara is a character who so jealously guards her own backstory and who purposefully withholds many of her own motivations from the people around her (including, by extension, csi’s viewing audience), understanding her requires effort. to really get a lot out of her, you have to in some ways study her—and especially if you ship her with grissom and want to understand their relationship.

sara isn’t made for passive consumption.

she’s also not made for those who are squeamish or who can’t stand secondhand embarrassment.

her story—while ultimately inspirational and one of triumph—isn’t “easy viewing.” she undergoes many terrible, ugly experiences, both before and after we meet her. there are many dark periods in her life, and if you invest in her, you will have to go through a lot of tension and suffering at her side, oftentimes for whole seasons on end, experiencing very little in the way of reprieve along the way. 

not until the very last minute of the whole series does she finally achieve lasting happiness. 

before then, it’s a slog, with many ups and many, many more downs.

—and for some people, that’s not something they want in a character.

they’re not interested in having to “read between the lines” in order to understand what’s going on. they want something that’s easier to watch. they want more pleasure and less pain. they want more light and less darkness. they can’t sit through the secondhand embarrassment.

sara sidle, with all of her awkwardness, tragedy, and prominent flaws, may be the exact opposite of what they feel a good character should be. she may do the exact opposite things that they feel a good character should do.

they may think of her as irrational, disjointed, and/or unrealistically rendered.

and if she doesn’t tick any of their boxes, then i suppose it makes sense that they wouldn’t like her—particularly if they feel that most of the other characters on the show (or even just some of them) do.

conclusion

in any case, regardless of the reasons why people dislike sara, you and i both know that she’s a great character. 

she has her flaws, but, honestly, they’re part of the appeal. she’s complex. she isn’t cookie-cutter. she’s dynamic. she’s messy. she’s idiosyncratic. she’s inspiring. sometimes she’s wrong, and sometimes she’s very, very right.  

and her chemistry with grissom? it’s off the charts.

while i can list reasons why people are averse to her and even explain their reasoning somewhat, i have way too much fun enjoying her as a character to really engage with their complaints.

i wouldn’t want her to be any “neater” or more polished than she is because her characterization is so spot-on; to alter it would be untrue to her.

anyway, for as frustrating as it is that after all of these years, there are still so many people who are so ardent in their hate for sara, i do take comfort in the fact that there are also those who are ardent in their love for her, as well.

i’m not sure how the numbers break down—whether there’s ultimately more haters or lovers out there—but i do know that there are still plenty of people analyzing sara, writing stories about her, making art of her, and generally immersing themselves in her story.

baby girl does inspire a lot of love, too.

rambling now.

thanks for sending your message! please feel welcome to send another one any time.

[wisteria-lodge]

i'm a badger primary model/bird secondary and u just blew the top off of my ongoing arthurian phase. it all makes sense now: king arthur is my comfort character. given the fanfic nature of the legend, which texts/adaptations are yr favourites to base sortings off of? and i'd love to hear more about maximum tragedy lion badger guinevere :eyesemoji:

I love the fanfic nature of the Arthur legend. Lancelot was an OC added way after the fact, and Galahad was an OC added after him (and was always a little too OP, to be honest.) Sir Gawain doesn’t have anything to do with the main story, but he’s the fan favorite so he’s always there anyway. He also stars in the super cool Song of Roland/Legend of Arthur crossover fic Orlando Innamorato (sadly abandoned. But picked up later by another author and the ending he wrote was awesome.)

Morgan le Fay is technically a gender swap, since Geoffrey of Monmouth either didn’t know that Morgan was a male name in Wales or figured since there was already a male magic user, a female magic user might be fun. She’s a good guy when Geoffrey and Chrétien write about her, but Malory headcanoned her as a villain, and Le Morte d'Arthur was a super influential fic, so she stayed that way until Tennyson’s Idylls of the King. Tennyson couldn’t resist a pretty magical lady I guess. 

I love Arthurian retellings. I’ve seen... a lot. Camelot (1967) was my introduction, and the characterizations there mostly come from The Once and Future King. But for me, the gold standard will always be Mary Stewart’s books. I have never seen better historical fantasy, ever. They lean into the post-Roman Britain origins of the story, hard. And they’re so damn beautiful. Merlin is the POV character of the first three, and his magic is so bound up with him that sometimes he’s not sure if he’s actually using it or not... and Mordred is the POV character in the last one, and he’s so practical and stripped down and defensive - and so compelling. No one is really the villain, which I always, always appreciate. 

Lancelot, when you get him down to basics, is a knight who has to choose between his cause and the woman he loves, and chooses his lady. That’s a Snake/Lion at war with a Lion primary model. Arthur is the king who wants to bring peace to his land by starting an organization, giving his knights rules to live by, and and prompting them to solve conflicts by talking across a round table where symbolically everyone is equal. So a Badger Bird.

Guinevere is complicated. I think that she’s in love with both of them. She loves Arthur for his ideals, and the way he grounds her and makes her better - but she loves Lancelot because he gets her. Being with him is a release. I think if she’s a Badger Lion who shares a primary with Arthur and a secondary with Lancelot, that communicates this idea pretty well. 

(next phase of Arthur fandom: Arthur/Lancelot/Guinevere OT3. Fingers crossed!) 

[nomattertheoceans]

The Siren attack - original extract

Author’s note: So....... this is my first time actually sharing a piece of my original writing with someone other than a very few number of people (they know who they are and I love you). I’m sort of stressed out, but excited too? Anyway! This piece is part of a fantasy WIP I started for Camp NaNo in April, it’s an adventure story where pirates reluctantly ally with a siren to hunt a treasure. Oh and also if you saw me talk about my poly OT3, they’re from this story ^^

I would love to know what you think!! Keep in mind that this is a first draft, and it’s also part of a much bigger story (of which I have about one third written). I’m really happy with how this scene turned out though, so I’m happy to be sharing it! Feedback would be great :) 

The scene is under the read more!!

They advanced smoothly for the whole day, and where sailing at night across Windward Passage when it happened.They’d reduced their speed to navigate more easily through the  pass, and Charles had taken this opportunity to check on the sails along the main mast. He was sitting across the yardarm, fixing a sloppy knot on the main sail, tightening it just enough for it to hold until the next morning. He couldn’t very well fix the entire sail right now, with no candle with him. He was good enough with the sails that he could fix knots in almost complete darkness, but he didn’t want to risk damaging anything if he missed. So he finished his task, and was slowly moving backwards towards the mast to go back down when he heard it.

It was a woman’s voice, singing. For a split second, he thought it might have been Beth, but then his mind conjured up an image of her, drunk and singing in a tavern, very badly. This voice was nothing like that. He let himself listen to the deep inflexions, the sound resonating as if it came from the bottom of the waters, a never ending chant full of sorrow and melancholy.

And as he listened, he realized that it wasn’t just one voice. The song seemed to come from everywhere around them, floating against the small waves until it reached the ship and vibrated against the wood, all the way into his skin, into his heart.

As if in a daze, he looked out at the sea, trying to catch a glimpse of where the voices were coming from. But the night was too dark to see anything. He had to get down and look for the source or --

“Sirens!” A voice shouted from the main deck. The captain. “Sirens ahead! Everybody, in the sails! Now!”

The ethereal chorus of voices was suddenly drowned in the smashing noises of the crew, yelling and climbing on to the masts. And with that, he seemed to come back to reality. An attack of sirens. He’d never lived through one, but he’d heard enough stories. They always attacked in group, never alone. The wave of music always came first, drawing the sailors near the edges of their ship, and only then did they strike. It wasn’t known if it was some sort of magic, but the legends said that a siren had such stunning features that they would enchant you the second your eyes met theirs, compelling you to jump in the waters in the desire to join them in their underwater lairs, only to die drowning the second you opened your mouth to kiss them.

The only way to try and avoid death was to stay away from the railings. Climbing up the sails, making enough noise to cover their voices, and hope they’d go away without taking anybody. He was grateful he’d already been in the sails this particular night.

All of his crewmen were climbing, and he was looking for Beth, when he caught a glimmer coming from the water. Before being able to stop himself, he looked, and his eyes fell on the creature approaching the ship, her form barely visible in the lantern light coming from it. He couldn’t see her features, only the movements of a long tail behind her, languidly getting her closer and closer to her prey. A feeling of pure anguish invaded him, and he looked to the other side of the ship, only to see two other forms slithering in the water.

And Beth was still nowhere to be found.

That’s when he saw them. As the alluring chant gained more momentum, four figures came out of the sleeping quarters. One of them had a silk headscarf on her hair, one he knew too well, having bought it for her a few years back. And just as the other sailors, she was slowly walking towards the edge of the ship, apparently unaware of the danger ahead.

“Beth!” he yelled, and heard that his crew mates were shouting for her and the others sailors. “Beth! Look away!”

But she didn’t seem to hear him. Nor did the other men down on the deck. He started to move towards the mast again, but as he reached it, Jones grabbed his arm.

“There’s nothing we can do, Charles. I’m sorry.”

Charles yanked back his arm and looked the captain straight in the eyes.

“I’m not letting her die.”

And without waiting for an answer, he grabbed the nearest rope and jumped.

***

She had never heard anything so beautiful. The voices from the sea were like beacons calling her home. Maybe that home had always been here, hidden in the depths of the waters. Maybe that was the reason why she’d always wanted to sail. She could go there right now, and finally feel complete.

Beth took one last step, reached the railing of the ship, and looked down at the sea. A woman was here, waiting for her. And she was the most exquisite woman she’d ever seen. Her long dark hair floated around her in the water, and they looked to be a dark shade of blue in the starlight. Her naked skin almost seemed to twinkle, and her eyes… Beth could have spent the rest of eternity staring into those eyes, and never have enough of it.

The woman had stopped singing, although the voices still filled the air around them, and she was smiling at her. An open smile, inviting. Beth wanted to touch it, to feel the smoothness of that skin under her fingers and caress those lips with hers.

She started to climb onto the railing, her heart aching more and more for every second she wasn’t near that face, that smile.

But then the smile shattered, and a loud, monstrous shriek came out of those tantalizing lips. Beth registered the blood coming out of the creature’s shoulder as well as the large arm that had encircled her waist and was pulling her back. She struggled against the grip, her mind still set on jumping overboard and joining the sea, but a second arm joined the first, pulling her towards the inside of the ship and crashing down on the deck. And slowly, as the image of those dark blue eyes faded away, she heard other shrieks from the water, shouts from the deck, and a familiar voice against her ear.

“Calm down, you’re okay. You’re okay, you’re safe.”

Charles.

Her breathing still ragged from the struggle, she glanced behind her and saw him, holding her tightly in his arms, leaning against a canon. His eyes were closed, as if he’d kept his eyes shut for most of what had just happened. Looking at his face helped her get rid of the lingering images in her mind, and listening to the sound of his breathing made her forget the chant. Slowly, she relaxed and let herself rest against his chest. She lifted an arm and slipped a hand in his hair, saying in a breath:

“It’s okay, you can open your eyes, now.”

They stayed like that for an eternity, huddled together despite the chaos around them. The rest of the crew had apparently come back down to save other sailors that had been as foolish as her, and they were shouting and firing at the sea. She could feel Charles’ heartbeat coming back to its normal pace as she started to understand what had happened. Sirens. She could still feel the pull of the song in her guts, an unstoppable power driving her to sink into the waters, as if nothing else in the world made sense. And yet, she was alive, and not drowning blissfully in the arms of a sea monster.

“How did you manage it?”

She didn’t have to elaborate, he understood what she meant. How had he managed to save her? How had he resisted the sirens’ powers? She didn’t need to ask why he’d risk his life for her. She would have done the same for him, and they both knew it.

“When I came down, most of the crew followed me, so the noise we made helped with the singing. And then I closed my eyes, I shot at her, and I grabbed you. I don’t know if I killed her but -”

“I don’t think so. I saw blood on her shoulder when you fired. I think she was just injured.”

“Well anyway, that seemed to throw her off her game enough to pull you away.”

She remained silent, processing everything she’d just heard. One more second, and she would have been in the water, out of reach, and neither Charles nor anybody else would have been able to save her. She turned into his arms and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Thank you.”

He looked at her and smiled. “Of course.”

And the look in his eyes was so intense that she felt heat rise to her cheeks. Immediately, she laughed it off and added in a light tone:

“I can’t believe you got a chance to shoot a siren and managed to not kill her.”

“Oh I’m sorry, was my rescue not good enough for you?”

“I’m just saying, had I been the one rescuing you? I’d have killed her.”

“Think whatever you want, you ungrateful imbecile.”

She let herself answer him, and as they fell into a familiar rhythm of banter, she closed her eyes and thanked the heavens for having this boy in her life.

[homunculusalphonse]

Scar (03) for the ask game

do I like them: absolutely, I love him

5 good qualities: he's a badass, he's a compelling and very much relevant character, his relationships with other characters are so interesting to watch, overall he cares so much that he saves Al and Ed and Lust, and he realizes how much he loves his brother... and finally the main thing I love about the 2003 adaptation is that he is not treated as a villain, his views on the military are justified and given the recognition they deserve

3 bad qualities: where?? I don't see them. I guess yeah, it was a shame when he killed Nina and almost killed Ed, but otherwise I have nothing else to complain about him. Ofc I wish he could've lived :(

favourite episode/etc: all the episodes he interacts with Al but especially Bonding Memories. I think it's the episode that made me really love Scar as I do today

otp: tbh I don't have any OTPs in FMA but Scar/Lust is a good ship!

brotp: Scar & Al! I wish we could've seen more of Scar and Rose too

ot3: Hmmm none I guess

notp: Scar/K*mblee yikes yikes yikes

best quote: "My sympathy will not be spent on soldiers. Neither should yours."

head canon: I unfortunately imagine he and his brother have been orphans before the Ishbal massacre (for any reason at all) since their parents are never mentioned in 2003

[snowflake-of-destruction]

Shipping ask game:

SoRiKai

AkuRokuXi

TerAquaVen

Wow, how could I have forgotten about this one?

SoRiKai

Ship it so much

What made you ship it?

The depth of emotion between these three is one of the cores of the story, the degree to which they are entwined is shown multiple times though arguably best/most memorably captured in the small scene of Kairi recognizing Riku in KH2 and then joining Riku and Sora's hands. I would never, could never devalue their friendship but the fact that their feelings are (or at least were confused as) romantic is some of the tension right at the forefront of our very first installment with the many different ways to take the simmering jealousy seen on multiple sides. That the three of them together as a unit is their collective hearts' desire, their goal, and, sometimes, as in the end of KH3 where Riku and Kairi both were needed to bring Sora to a place where he could give them and everyone else a second chance, a necessity is, to me, apparent. I have a storm of emotion and opinion on Sorikai and sometimes forget that not every Soriku or Sokai shipper is going to share these emotions or ship Soriku, Sokai, and Rikai all about the same amount, but all you need to do is gently bring me back to earth if that happens. 

Read more placed for length

What are your favorite things about the ship?

That time and separation makes no difference. Also, the way they look at each other and say one another's names.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

That Riku and Kairi are just as close as Sora and Kairi or Sora and Riku.

AkuRokuXi

1. Why don’t you ship it?

Okay, honesty time

Probably the way that I was introduced to Xion as not even a character but as a function--to "prove" Sora and Roxas don't have feelings for Riku and Axel respectively and that Sokai is the only valid tie, and to give Roxas a female love interest. Now, obviously that is an extremely reductive and downright nonsense take on 358/2 and Xion as a character, and the type of thing I would normally not only argue against but then develop a strong spite reaction where I attach to the character/ship/story harder even with a character less developed than Xion (who actually gets more time spent building her as a character than most KH females) and a story less compelling and with a lot less going on in it than 358/2, but, as I wasn't connected with wider fandom then and thus subject to a much smaller pool of people I knew in real life that played the games, it was sometimes easy to internalize some "bad takes" that you don’t examine for awhile.

With that said, I grew to appreciate Xion a long time ago, and I adore the friendship between the three of them--and every subset, because, even though you see more of Axel and Roxas's bond or Roxas and Xion's connection, you can't tell me Axel doesn't care deeply for Xion, and that the scene of him crying without knowing why in KH3 got me.

I just still get odd feelings and have personal hang-ups about Xion and either or both of these boys romantically, though I have read some cute ones and it's something I can get past.

2.What would have made you like it?

Probably if I had encountered more diverse opinions/interpretations on Xion and her importance other than her being a narrative "no homo." Yes, yes, we think for ourselves too, most definitely, but you do, especially when you are younger, absorb something of popular opinion. It also would have helped if 358/2 already existed when I got into KH so Xion wasn't someone who "appeared out of nowhere after the fact" but an already accepted part of the series, the other great hang-up. 

3. Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

They love each other, they would have the most fun and tease each other the worst all through their negotiation of the rules and boundaries of their relationship (you know I love banter), and they arguably have the closest to a canon vow to be polycule with their resolve to all share an apartment together.

TerAquaVen

1. Why don’t you ship it?

It is such a narrow edge, and sometimes I think I could easily ship this one a lot/do ship it, but, ultimately, I feel like Aqua looks at Ventus as a little brother, emphasis on little, in BBS. She's always the responsible friend/mom friend, but you get more of the sense that Terra is an equal still but Ventus she sees as her charge as much as Eraqus's.

2.What would have made you like it?

Just a slight tweak of a line or two in canon and I probably would have a lot more ot3 feelings alongside the found family feelings.

3. Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

They have the most heart tugging and epic scale love story of all the trios if you see them as a ship.

[sheikah]

Have you seen Rise of Skywalker yet? Im looking forward to your opinions!

I did! Thanks for your interest haha. I just wanna quickly preface this by saying that I know that SW is very polarizing and that the fandom can be very toxic, people are passionate about their opinions, etc. I don’t want to step on any toes with my opinions. I don’t often post in depth or candidly about SW because I have friends from all parts of the fandom and I’d hate to hurt someone’s feelings. But these are my opinions! (Under a cut :D)

I loved the movie. At first I wasn’t sure, but I saw it a second time with a friend and I loved it. Does it have plot holes, inconsistencies, and issues? Absolutely. It does. It’s far from perfect and I absolutely understand why so many people have such intensely negative reactions to it. 

But if I’m being 100% honest I just wasn’t one of those people. Yes, it was rushed. But that made it interesting from start to finish. I almost always step out to use the restroom during a movie in theaters. I think it’s a mental thing–I’m constantly thinking of how I DON’T want to step out to pee, so I always have to haha. But I didn’t even think about it once during this movie! I just had that much fun watching it. 

I can acknowledge that it had a lot of weaknesses, though, and I’ll talk about that first. I think most of the issues were a result of the film being the end of a trilogy that was helmed by two different people. It felt confused to me at points because I could see where JJ was trying to stick to what he clearly wanted to explore post-TFA while also trying to pick up where Rian Johnson left off post-TLJ. It’s like they had different visions and JJ was trying to include aspects of both in TROS. In a lot of ways, that didn’t work. I don’t want to go into too many nitpicky details but I can sum up my one big gripe by saying I think Finn was done wrong. 

I think this movie had a lot of big character moments for Rey, Ben, and Poe, but I don’t feel like Finn got his due. I also think that from a shipping standpoint he was treated really unfairly. I genuinely felt while watching TFA that JJ was trying to lay the groundwork for canon Finnrey. In TLJ, Johnson went in a different direction with Finnrose and Reylo. So the problem, to me, is that in TROS JJ tried to follow up with Johnson’s Reylo groundwork while still including nuggets of Finnrey. Watching the film, it seems abundantly clear to me that Finn was harboring feelings for Rey that were unrequited. His devotion to her felt one-sided and the almost-love-confession in the sinking sand seemed to confirm that for me. I realize at some fan panel JJ apparently said that what Finn was really going to confess was that he was Force-sensitive, not that he loved Rey. But any viewer watching the movie without that knowledge would not get that from it imo, so the average viewer is left thinking the writing left Finn in unrequited love with Rey. And the writing completely brushed the Finnrose relationship to the side. I’m a Finnrey shipper so I didn’t really love Finnrose to begin with. But since Johnson started it, I honestly don’t know why JJ didn’t just continue it if he was going to continue Reylo. It seems better than spending time establishing Finn’s continued feelings for Rey only to leave him alone, especially since TLJ ended with Finnrose: it should have been easy enough to pick up their relationship and carry it forward. I know unrequited love exists, and exploring it in fiction can be poignant. But in this case it just didn’t track to me, and felt like a slap in the face to Finn’s character and anyone who was shipping Finnrey, Finnrose, or even Finnpoe. There seemed to be no reason to write Finn’s actions toward Rey the way they did if they weren’t going to put them together. Finn wasn’t together with anyone in the end. And in the same vein, shoehorning in a past romance for Poe with Keri Russell’s character just felt like a cheap way to make sure Finnpoe wasn’t going to happen. Idk. But these were the only aspects I really didn’t like. 

I loved the many displays of Rey’s incredible power. I loved seeing Rey use the Force to heal, just like we saw Baby Yoda do in that week’s episode of The Mandalorian. I thought the scene where she accidentally used Force lightning was chilling and interesting foreshadowing for Rey Palpatine, even though I don’t really love that she’s a Palpatine. That being said, as a scorned Dany fan, I really enjoyed the message that who you are by blood should not define you. GoT ultimately ended with the message that your family and your family’s legacy are inescapable, grim realities. TROS had a much more hopeful message. This is also an important message to me personally because I have a lot of baggage with my father and his side of the family. It’s something I’ve struggled with. I never want to be like him. That aspect of Rey’s inner conflict was really beautiful to me and I think Daisy portrayed her struggle with darkness very well. I also thought her vision of dark!Rey was terrifying and really well done. The scene of her looking in the mirror at herself under Ahch-To in TLJ was probably my favorite scene of that movie so I liked seeing JJ utilize similar imagery there.

I loved seeing the trio together on a mission. The chemistry between Daisy, John, and Oscar is excellent and the comedy and wholesomeness between them is what made the movie so fun and memorable imo. I would have been happy with an OT3 for their characters, but c’est la vie haha.I loved the fan service. What can I say? I’m a fan: I like to be serviced lol. I know it was cheesy to some people, but Force Ghost!Luke lifting his X-Wing out of the water for Rey made me tear up. It was a nice callback to the moment with Luke and Yoda on Dagobah. Speaking of callbacks, I also loved the final shot with the binary sunset on Tatooine. I’ll admit I don’t really get why Rey has BB-8, or why she’s alone, or why she would choose to live in a place that even Luke wanted desperately to leave… but the visual and musical parallel to ANH got me right in the feels in the best way.

I loved seeing Ian McDiarmid return as Palpatine, who was as delightfully evil as ever. I don’t really understand how or why Palpatine had to come back, and I am not satisfied with the explanation for Snoke. But the Emperor is a classic and an iconic character I love. Having him as the ultimate baddy was satisfying in its own way. I also thought everything abot Exegol and the Sith fortress was terrifying and visually stunning. Even the sound effects of the lightning, and the way that blended with ominous music, was really interesting to me. I loved almost every sequence that took place on Exegol.

Lastly, (and this is the part I have been nervous to post about haha) I liked Ben Solo. I am not a Reylo shipper. That’s not something I talk about really because I have a ton of Reylo friends and I really treasure those people. The last thing I want to do is hurt their feelings or make them feel unwelcome on my blog. But In TFA and TLJ I didn’t really see that many redeeming qualities in Kylo Ren, and I certainly don’t ship him with Rey. I liked the character as a villain from the first moment I heard Adam Driver’s epic voice and saw Kylo Ren freeze Poe’s blaster bolt in stasis using the Force. I thought he was cool and I loved the crazy sound effects and unstable appearance of his unique lightsaber. But I just didn’t really romanticize him at all. I also thought TLJ ended on a pretty definitively negative note for the character. He told his men in no uncertain terms to blow the Falcon out of the sky with Rey in it. And I didn’t think killing Han and trying to kill Luke was something he was going to come back from. I didn’t really want “Bendemption.” 

I say all this because I think this is one of the reasons why TROS impressed me so much. When it actually happened, I was happy that Kylo was redeemed as Ben. The scene with Han reminded me that above all, this is Han and Leia’s son. No matter how much of a villain I thought Kylo Ren was, I didn’t want Han and Leia both to die and for their son to die in disgrace without ever having made amends for the things he’d done. I couldn’t love Han and Leia the way I do without hoping for some semblance of peace for their family. And when he took off the Kylo Ren getup and dressed more like a regular guy, when he adopted some of Han’s personality, when he stormed into Palpatine’s lair on Exegol blaster blazing, and most of all when he wielded a Jedi’s lightsaber alongside Rey, I loved it. I really, truly loved it. And for someone who went into the movie theater expecting to hate that aspect of the story, I think that speaks volumes. They won me over. They made me like Ben Solo. I don’t really think it’s a great social message for the real world in 2019 to forgive him despite all he’s done. But if I divorce it from real-world implications and just treat it like Star Wars, I’m actually glad it happened the way it did. Leia deserved to have her death mean something. She gave the last of her strength to reach out to her son. Not to Kylo Ren, but to Ben Solo. She and the audience both deserved to see Ben Solo before the end. And for him to make the ultimate sacrifice for Rey was, to me, the best possible way he could go out. I found it to be a very compelling end. His death made me surprisingly sad, but it was a noble death.

Anyway, like I said above, I know the movie has a lot of issues. I haven’t even addressed a fraction of the things I could say about this movie–both good and bad. But ultimately I boil it down to how a movie makes me feel. This one left a strong emotional impact on me and I was happy to watch it a second time. I laughed, I cried, I reflected on why I’ve loved Star Wars for my entire life. So I have to say I liked it. Sorry for the giant answer haha :P

[my-lady-knight]

Favorite Reads of 2019

As seems to be my usual, I’m posting this at what feels like the last second.

Writing this year’s post was hard. I’ve been complaining offline all year that it feels like I read far fewer books I really, truly enjoyed. Even the books I did enjoy, they didn’t stick around long in my head for me to remember details. On the other hand, this list ended up being thirteen items long, so it can’t have been that bad. And having to go back to the books in order to write this list did make me remember how and why I loved them, so there is that.

Presented in chronological order of when I read them:

The Lions of Al-Rassan by Guy Gavriel Kay

The first book I read in 2019, and I knew would end up on this list as soon as I finished. It’s also the first book of Guy Gavriel Kay’s where I finally understood what the fuss was about - when he commits to writing three-dimensional characters with compelling interpersonal and socio-political relationships, he commits. The cultural/social details of this secondary-world version of medieval Spain set at the beginning of the end of the Caliphate and the rise of the Reconquista are evocative, and the scope deftly alternates between being vast without tripping over itself and touchingly personal. Most importantly, this book gave me an OT3 I wasn’t even expecting in the form of Amman ibn Khairan, famed soldier, poet, and advisor now outcast from the city-state of Cartada, Rodrigo Belmonte, beloved cavalry captain with a complicated loyalty to the rulers he serves, and Jehane bet Ishak, an esteemed physician whose path intersects with them both. Together they represent the connections and tensions between their respective, secondary-world Muslim, Christian, and Jewish communities, cities, and leaders in this secondary-world Spain and form a triangle of everything the country has, is, and can be. A year later I still love this book.

How to Write an Autobiographical Novel: Essays by Alexander Chee

This book is difficult to write about, because I remember loving it as I was reading it, but I can’t remember any of the essays very well several months after the fact (see above). What I do remember is that they were difficult, and complicated, and messy, and they did the thing I love when essays do where the fact that the things Alexander Chee was writing about are super-specific to him made them somehow feel all the more relatable. All the essays were nicely crafted stories and emotional journeys, withAlexander Chee tracing all the various aspects of his life through his writing, as an Asian man, a gay man, an aspiring writer, a professional writer, a resident of NYC, and a survivor of sexual assault, using prose that was both artistic and clear as water.

The Raven Tower by Ann Leckie

Amal El-Mohtar wrote in her NYT review that this book was akin to “Hamlet”, “if [the play] were told from the point of view of Elsinore Castle addressing itself to a Horatio who mostly couldn’t hear it,” to which my response was “huh?” Then I read the book and it a) made so much more sense and b) ended up being an astute, apropos explanation of the kind of book The Raven Tower is. It’s the story of a soldier and companion to the heir of a country investigating the disappearance of its ruler and the ascendency of another in his place. It’s also the story of a calm, patient god in the form of a stone who predates all of history and narrates the changing existence of gods, their power, and their relationship to humans and their civilizations. It’s an understated yet powerful book, full of Ann Leckie’s brilliant and clever writing, world-building, storytelling, and otherworldliness. It’s Ann Leckie. She knows what she’s doing. And it fucking works.

Sal & Gabi Break the Universe by Carlos Hernandez

This book - is bonkers. It is insane. It is one thousand percent over the top. I kept asking myself “why am I not irritated???” Instead I loved it. Sal is the new kid, a practicing magician with as showman’s flair for the dramatic and boundless energy, and he can open up portals into other universes. Gabi is the sharp-eyed, bossy class president and editor of the school newspaper who just knows something’s up with Sal and his shenanigans. Together, they become friends! And open up more portals into other universes. This book is warm and empathetic and funny and kind-hearted. It’s too-muchness quality somehow worked. The whole thing felt like the literary equivalent of a hug. 

The Parting Glass by Gina Marie Guadagnino

This wasn’t a Deep book, but I could not stop thinking about it, nor could I stop recommending it to people. It’s a zippy historical fiction novel set in 1830s NYC prior to the Potato Famine. Mary (or Maire) and her brother Seanin are Irish immigrants working in the same wealthy family’s house, she as lady’s maid to the marriageable daughter named Charlotte, he as a groomsman. Mary is half in love with her Charlotte; unfortunately so is Seanin, and the two of them are carrying on an affair, the aftermath of which leaves Mary in a bind about where her loyalties lie. I love that this book has a queer take on a love triangle that I’ve never seen before, and I loved Mary’s anger and resentment, her unashamed attitude towards her desire for Charlotte as well as other women, and her selfishness as well as her loyalty. I also loved the upstairs-downstairs nature of the book and the clash of Anglo-American and Irish immigrant ethnic and class mores and the larger social and political setting of the city and time period.

The Bird King by G. Willow Wilson

I don’t even know how to begin describing this book. It’s a story about maps and boundaries and borders. It’s an epic of daring escape and adventure about a mapmaker named Hassan with a magical gift and a concubine named Fatima, two friends fleeing the Inquisition after the surrender of Granada, in search of a mythical island ruled by the King of Birds. It’s a story of faith and trust and bonds forged from disparate people, and transformation, transformation of yourself and the world around you because you will it to be so. It’s a beautiful, beautifully written book.

(As a side note, I’m intrigued by the fact that two of my favorite books on here are set during the Reconquista.)

On the Come Up by Angie Thomas

In some ways I liked this even better than The Hate U Give. I loved the complexity that arose out of Bri rapping about the injustices she’s experienced, with people drawing completely different meanings out of her words, people wanting her to use her rapping and her voice for differing reasons, and Bri herself working to figure out the power she has with her rapping and how she wants to use her talents, when it comes to financially supporting her family, standing up for herself, and being herself when so many around her are creating all these false images of her based solely off her words. I loved Bri’s anger, the way she kept speaking before thinking, her loving, sometimes complicated relationships with her family and friends...Angie Thomas’s writing and storytelling is phenomenal.

Kindred by Octavia Butler

I’m not even sure what to say about this book that hasn’t been said but, um, yeah, it’s Octavia Butler, it’s a classic, and really my favorite aspect of the book is how it so effectively bridges the gap between history and present and demonstrates how the two aren’t so far apart, and effectively blends them such that for Dana, the present becomes the past and the past is her present and suddenly she isn’t visiting history at a somewhat removed vantage point, she is part of history, her own history, her ancestors’ history, in all its horror, caught in a catch-22 of needing to repeatedly save the life of her white, slave-owning ancestor who over time grows more and more violent towards her, in order to ensure the chronological security of her own life.

The Weight of Our Sky by Hanna Alkaf

This was a harrowing read. Set in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia during the 1969 Malay-Chinese race riots, sixteen-year-old Melati has OCD, or what she understands as a djinn living inside her that forces her to obsessively count in order to keep her mom alive, a secret she tries to hide so people don’t think she’s possessed. When the race riots break out across the city, Melati has to make her way through the violence in the streets in order to find her mom, all while battling the djinn as its power increases in the chaos. I repeat, this book was brutal. The descriptions of Melati’s OCD alone make it a tense, taxing read - combine it with the violence and unpredictability of the race riots and all the threats to Melati’s safety and her ever-growing fear for her mom and it’s a lot. Even so (perhaps because) I could not put this book down. The recreation of this part of history (which I had no clue of before and knew nothing about) was both immersive and informative, the story was deftly plotted, and I loved how Melati’s characterization and her relationship/the depiction of her OCD and how it specifically affects her in her particular circumstances. 

Jade War by Fonda Lee

CLEAN BLADE CLEAN BLADE CLEAN BLADE

*ahem*

The second book of the Green Bone Saga was even better than the first. It took the story of the Kaul family and the No Peak clan and the worldbuilding of Jade City and turned everything up to eleven, expanding the story beyond Kekon into the global theater, particularly Espenia, bringing into the picture Kekonse immigration, diaspora, assimilation, and cultural heritage - what it means to be Kekonese, to be a Green Bone and carry jade and follow aisho outside of Kekon. The gang warfare between the No Peak clan and the Mountain clan spills over the domestic sphere into the international. Espenia grows more aggressive in its moves to gain control over jade at Kekon’s expense. It’s family loyalties and betrayals, it’s gang politics and warfare, it’s community, municipal, national, and international politics and culture clashes, and the changing world of being a Green Bone and wearing jade in a post-colonial world. Anyone who’s followed me this year because of Peaky Blinders - READ JADE CITY AND JADE WAR. YOU WILL LIKE THESE BOOKS I PROMISE.

Hexarchate Stories by Yoon Ha Lee

With this short story collection, Yoon Ha Lee has not only successfully published fan fiction of his own work in the Hexarchate universe and is getting paid for it, he’s published good fanfiction. The cute Cheris and Jedao backstory pieces of flash fiction he first published on his website are drabbles. One of the original pieces in this collection is straight-up PWP. (How the hell Solaris agreed to it I have no idea, there is literally no plot.) The very last story (also original) is fix-it fic for Revenant Gun that left me kicking and screaming over the CLIFFHANGER that Yoon Ha Lee ended it on HOW DARE YOU I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT CHERIS AND JEDAO ARE GOING TO DO NEXT YOU BETTER BE WRITING MORE STORIES SET IN THIS AU TIMELINE. In sum, Yoon Ha Lee is a delight, I love him, and I loved this collection.

The Deep by Rivers Solomon

A novella about the weight of history, especially painful, traumatic history, and the necessity and yearning for it when you don’t have it. To be forced to bear the burden of history alone is to be crushed and subsumed by it. To lose or become detached from it is to lose connection to the people you’re from. Either way, it is difficult to impossible to maintain a people’s history alone. Rivers Solomon is such a poetic writer with her prose, painting beautiful images with just the right collection and arrangement of words, all while packing an astutely aimed punch in 160 pages.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

I had some issues with how convenient some of the magic/magical artifacts felt, and the various threads of the murder plot didn’t tie up as nicely as I wanted, but oh, Alex Stern is a marvel - a survivor in every sense of the word who embraces that part of herself over and over, even as what being a survivor means changes for Alex over the course of the book. A dark/contemporary urban fantasy set at Yale where the university’s elite student societies are also magical societies— Alex is a dropout who got into drugs as a teenager in order to shield herself from the ghosts she can’t stop seeing, recruited to act as overseer of the societies’ magical rituals, and who takes it upon herself to investigate the murder of a young woman not too different than herself. The centrality of power and its abuse in this book is delicious, the read is gripping, and Alex is worth the price of admission. Yes, I will be reading the second book when it comes out.

(Also, this is literally the second book I’ve ever read that makes any mention or inclusion of Ladino (both Alex and Leigh Bardugo are Sephardi.))

Honorable Mentions

Finding Baba Yaga by Jane Yolen

King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo

How Long ‘til Black Future Month? by N. K. Jemisin

Our Year of Maybe by Rachel Lynn Solomon

Dragon Pearl by Yoon Ha Lee

The Boneless Mercies by April Genevieve Tucholke

The Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy 2018 edited by N. K. Jemisin and John Joseph Adams

The Calculating Stars by Mary Robinette Kowal

Amnesty by Lara Elena Donnelly

Storm of Locusts by Rebecca Roanhorse

Let Me Hear a Rhyme by Tiffany D. Jackson

The Monster of Elendhaven by Jennifer Giesbrecht

Pet by Akwaeke Emezi

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

It’s also been my practice over the past few years when making these posts to crunch the numbers regarding the number of books I’ve read by PoC authors. This year I read a total of 30 books, which is the exact same number as last year, but since I read fewer books this year, they accounted for 47 percent of my reading, compared to last year’s 43 percent. My goal since I started has been to get to 50-50 parity between PoC and white authors, and this year’s the second-closest I got (I reached 48 percent in 2017.) The goal for next year is once again 50-50.