#I have more written and plan to write more for this character
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Okay brief post before I sleep, re: the problem of "fantasy dwarves"
Obviously I am no authority on any community that I'm not part of, so I cannot be a final voice on whether or not any particular use of various fantasy people and creatures are good or bad.
However, it also means that when I run into issues like this, it's important to me to get info from multiple sources (even if I don't reblog or share everything I've found) in order to make my own choices for my work. And I recommend the same to everyone!
Because human history is the way that it is, it's pretty much inevitable that the common fantasy people or creatures you want to use in your own new work have at some point, maybe even a lot, been portrayed in ways that are very offensive and bigoted towards real human people. (and this goes for scifi too)
Orcs have commonly been portrayed as some manner of "barbaric savages" with aesthetic details that call to mind Mongolian warriors, Native Americans, and African people, frequently combined with animalistic features.
There was a huge debate on the antisemitic features of goblins in mainstream fantasy, especially around the time JK Rowling was becoming more and more openly bigoted and the issues of racist caricature goblins and house elves in Harry Potter were being made more relevant.
The lore of drow in Dungeons and Dragons is a whole mess of racism and misogyny with their evil matriarchy and slavery situation, not at all helped by their dark colored skin.
Elves are certainly not exempt from this, though they're often taken in the opposite direction and portrayed as wise and beautiful white people who are more civilized than everyone else. And a lot of people have decided to subvert that by making elves into the oppressors. I've done that a little myself.
I'm also writing a lot of characters who don't match my own identity, including some in rather sensitive categories like being trans or having dissociative identity disorder. Those are my two main characters in the book I'm currently writing. I've seen people with DID write very passionate posts trying to dissuade people from ever writing any character with that condition. And I've seen other people with DID encourage the existence of those characters.
Fact is, there is no universal answer to the conundrum of whether or not a particular type of character or fantasy people or creature should be written. There are, I think, clear traits and tropes to avoid because they just can't be subverted in a meaningful way, especially not by people who aren't part of the marginalized groups that are harmed by them.
Like I don't think anyone who isn't Jewish should try to lampshade and openly subvert the antisemitic goblin tropes like the ones you see in Harry Potter.
I have been using fantasy dwarves in my writing, and I've reblogged a post from a person with dwarfism who is very much on the side of fantasy dwarves no longer being used. And I respect that, which is why I reblogged it and why I am still pondering a name change for my own "dwarves". But while I have not posted any links to it, I have in fact watched a video by another person with dwarfism who thinks fantasy dwarves are cool! There is no singular answer here. I'm still thinking about using a different word, and I plan to keep on hearing out different opinions.
I think the most important thing, though, is whether or not my many fantasy people come across as nuanced and respectable or if they come across like bad stereotypes and offensive caricatures. I can rename them all I like, but whether I'm using the word "orc" or "boarin" or whatever you like, does that make it any less offensive if I write them to be savage uncivilized evil barbarians regardless? Is it less offensive to remove the title of "dwarves" and replace it with "cavern folk" if you're still going to write them as angry little men with big heads who only exist for comedic effect?
It is important to be careful of the use of specific words and I think coming up with your own names for fantasy people is a great idea, of course. It's why I have the stroi as another species of elf. But it does kinda bother me when people act like the very use of a word is the main problem and not just one more detail on top of a pile of problems.
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Some new fandom/fanfiction writing thoughts from me...
Author's Note:
This is just some thoughts I needed to get out because they kept me from finishing my Vampire!Terry Richmond Fic and forced me to start writing my "Sinners" fic I hadn't planned on dropping until April, but my spirit was moved to write by some aspects of the media hype of the "Sinners" new movie trailer release. It's stream of consciousness straight from the hip for Black History Month, so let ya girl cook!
Who remembers this movie?
Do you remember this dynamic duo? (Yes Dr. Karen Jenson!)
Do you remember what happened to most of the "Blade" fanfictions in that fandom as the series progressed (even into television)... and who got centered instead of Blade/Karen Jenson?
Blade essentially became a secondary character in his own franchise. He stopped knowing other Black folks, too. Even the writer of the original franchise David S. Goyer confessed that the studio wanted Blade to be white from jump.
Bitch...whut?
Others have written of this before with the Blade franchise. I personally have lamented the missed opportunity to expand the role of the sexy, beautiful, dark-skinned genius hematologist, Dr. Karen Jenson, played by the gorgeous and talented N'Bushe Wright. Who is still fine just so you know:
The de-centering of Black characters from their own leading roles in fandom is nothing new. Y'all remember this oldey but goodey?:
Remember how they did our girl Abbie Mills (played by the lovely and fabulous actress, Nicole Beharie)? She was the heart of the show with great chemistry between her and Ichabod (Tom Milson). But the Sleepy Hollow Showrunners started centering this heaux:
They even brought in Ichie and Katrina's old ass son Henry Parrish/Jeremy Crane:
Baybee, me and a ton of other Black women were OVER the sidelining of Abbie Mills. Don't even get me started on how they did baby girl by writing her off her own show. Soon it was looking like this:
Chile when I tell y'all Black women rode in like the Sin Eaters on that show and burned that bitch to the ground! No Abbie Mills? No more Nicole Beharie? Alright, bet. Nan one of you hoes is working then. The industry treated Nicole so bad after that show. She was blacklisted and experienced a hostile work environment with that American flavored soup du jour: racism. A recent book, "Burn It Down: Power, Complicity, and a Call for Change in Hollywood", broke down all the horrors Nicole Beharie went through bts.
Here was a show that gained popularity because of BLACK WOMEN. We started the weekly Tweet storms, chatted to each other, wrote fics, did panels about it at fandom conferences (I spoke on some and attended a few myself about the TV series). It was a sexy multicultural cast, a literal crack fic come to life that first season.
But then...the centering of whiteness rears its ugly head and ruins nice things.
Which brings me to the new "Sinners" movie trailer release, and my fears at seeing a lot of the media hype online (thumbnail photos, clips etc) pushing Hailee Stenfield a lot more than Michael B. Jordan (in a double role as twins!) or even the other Black women characters in the trailer.
They got Wunmi Mosaku in this bitch with Jayme Lawson.
You know Wunmi, right?
Marvel Wunmi in the Loki TV Series:
Lovecraft Country Wunmi:
Wunmi with Idris in "Luther" Season 5:
Then there's the exquisite Jayme Lawson from "MLK/X: Genius" with our new fic king at the moment, Aaron Pierre. He plays Malcolm X and she is Dr. Betty Shabazz:
Jayme playing the Queen in "The Woman King":
Jayme as the mayor in "The Batman" (she could be our next Angela Bassett with her acting range and beauty!):
Now, about that elephant in the room for me personally.
Hailee Steinfeld and Jack O'Connell.
Their images are everywhere, often more so than images of the star Michael B. Jordan. Twitter (I will never call it X), Threads, Bluesky, YouTube, TikTok et al, have them hyped up to the point where I'm worried that it will turn into a Blade situation. The white characters overshadowing the central Black one.
Of course, they're playing the vampires. The bad guys. The ones we want to see the Black people vanquish. Some bad guys are sexy if we're being honest (cough--Killmonger--cough). Life in Clarksdale, Mississippi, the birthplace of the Blues, is tough enough with racism, lynchings, prohibition...just white people nonsense in general, let alone white vampires. A horror movie has to have compelling antagonists to keep our interests. But again, the overshadowing of Michael in some places...
On IMDB, Hailee is listed first as the star, then comes Jack O'Connell, and then Michael B. Jordan. Y'all, the two white actors are listed first BEFORE Michael is. I don't care if Hailee was nominated for an Oscar at fourteen. (Black people should know by now the Oscars are highschool popularity contests for white people, and every now and then they throw a bone at negroes who act circles around them on any given day.)
How is Wallace Vince Killmonger Adonis Creed John Clark (aka Muffin to me), listed third in his own goddamn movie? Maybe this will change when the movie comes out, but...excuse me?
Give me a minute. I need to sip some tea to calm down.
I barely see Wunmi in online hype, and she has been in some pretty high profile roles the last few years, especially in superhero action projects. And it looks like she plays a Hoodoo practioner (like myself). I want to see more of her promoted too. Like why can't I see a photo of this on more fandom websites?
That question was rhetorical. We all know why.
The centering of whiteness even in Black spaces.
I already know the fanfiction that will be churned out soon by non-Black people. Shippings of Mary/Remmick (Steinfeld and O'Connell's characters in the movie). There will be the I/R shipping of Mary and Stack (Steinfeld and Jordan) because the ads are playing up their sexy juke joint dance everywhere. I'm beginning to get a sense of deja vu...a la Blade/Sleepy Hollow decentering vibes.
The trailer all but gave away most of the plot in terms of what the Black characters will be up against during Prohibition Mississippi. Moonshine and Monsters, with sprinklings of Black American Blues music, both real history and the myths of it with Robert Johnson/Crossroads energy. And clearly Mary, who starts off as human, will get turned into a vampire like Remmick...and then run off to dance with hot, sweaty negroes tryna have their own goddamn fun away from white racism and the dangers of white women turning into the o.g. Karen's of their day. Smh. Can't have nothing without white characters slithering in and causing chaos as usual, lol! (I'm looking at you Agent Ross in the Black Panther fandom, you dirty C.I.A. infiltrator!) Plus there's always some dumb Black man willing to risk it all for unseasoned coochie putting every other Black person in his community in danger.
I mean, even in real life, Black people can't even access DEI opportunities without white women taking all the spots. Now I gotta watch DEI Mary-the-vampire mess up Black people's good times? The horror!
Now I'm just fussing. America recently voted the orange racist/fascist menace back into the white house, and he brought his incompetent white people and their Pee-oh-See lackeys. (One day we have to have a conversation about why so many Indians from India in this country-- and their children-- side with white racism and use anti-Blackness to move ahead in America.) I'm a little salty with white folks right now, not gonna lie. We saw those voting exit polls where only Black women and Black men overwhelmingly voted for the correct side of history to try and stop the Magats by any means necessary with the little we had to work with. Forgive me if I'm grumbling and projecting this onto a fictional movie. Two beautiful dark-skinned women are also love interests in the film (based on the trailer), but I can't find them promoted as much as the white vampires? I don't like it.
Listen, I used to do screenwriting. I helped friends make short films for festivals. I also screened films to help choose projects for the L.A. Film Festival when that was still a thing when I was a member of Film Independent. I've done screenwriting fellowships, too. I understand film marketing, and the work it takes trying to get the largest audience possible to see a movie by pushing the big names or face draws to a project.
But...
I want Black things centered in "Sinners". In the long run it will be, because...Ryan Coogler is that dude.
I want this rambling lament to be a call to other Black fic writers who plan on seeing the film to write your asses off after you see it, and even before you see it based off the trailer. I want hundreds, if not thousands of "Sinners" fics stretching out the worldbuilding we'll soon see on the screen. Heck, I already have a prequel fic started that I want to post in the next few days once I finish it. @nahimjustfeelingit-writes has one out already, and I saw a couple more by other writers floating down my TL.
I want Smoke and Stack and their world steeped in Blackness so that they won't be isolated or damn near relegated to a corner like Blade or Abbie Mills was among their world of supernatural shenanigans by the end of their onscreen run.
I hope we write so much that no one would dare try to push these other Black characters aside. There's so much richness to work with: the Blues guitar singer (who has a fucking banjo inside the core of his magical guitar!), the Hoodoo woman, the Black sexy female love interest that Jayme plays, Delroy Lindo's piano player and his Native wife (I'm guessing), and even the Asian woman (probably descended from the Chinese railroad workers in Mississippi) . We need all the fics telling so many stories in this "Sinners" world.
Granted, fic writers are free to write what they want. Black writers will take a side Black character and create a whole universe for them outside of the main characters in a predominately white film/fandom. But that's only because Black characters are always set aside, shunned, or written in racist/stereotypical ways. They are often fetishized, turned into brutes, or given so much less time in the front. Me writing all this is not saying that non-Black writers can't write stories about Mary or Remmick or anyone they choose. They write/appropriate what they want anyway, so it doesn't matter. I'm only interested in what Black fic writers are going to create
I want to be selfish and see Wunmi and Jayme heralded and pined over even if their characters aren't used as much as Hailee's in the film. I want us to have our shine finally. I want "Sinners" fics that reflect that.
I want to see more Black fics with Black characters paired with Black characters.
I want Black fic readers discovering this new fandom and finding new writers and new stories celebrating us.
I want this movie to succeed and everyone who goes to see it having a good, scary, time.
I want to see Muffin show out in his first period piece. Dressed casket sharp with gold teeth, lol!
I want Black fic writers to be able to write Black horror period piece stories that aren't rooted in Black trauma. There will be so many magical/supernatural things to write about in "Sinners" that we don't even have to touch on the horrors of historic white racism in America if we don't want to.
I promise you, Black people back then experienced joy, wonder, falling in love, and going up against antagonists that weren't always white people or white racism, or even the remnants of our enslaved past. The Klan ain't got to show up! Lol! Hell, white people don't even have to show up in your story. Coogler even hinted that there were more things other than vampires going on in the movie. We'll see. But my point is, we can create "Sinners" fics that Black readers won't have to fear dwelling on Black trauma porn as a plot point.
So...my fellow MBJ/Coogler fans...can we write the hell out of this new fandom? Revel in Blackness? Enjoy our latest entry into the vampire genre?
I would love to hear people's thoughts after they see the movie in April!
Last thought: If you know of some "Sinners" fics, share them!
#Sinners Movie#ryan coogler#michael b. jordan#wunmi mosaku#jayme lawson#delroy lindo#omar benson miller#fanfiction thoughts#black fanfiction writers#black fanfiction#Sinners Movie Fanfiction#Sinners fanfiction#Uzumaki Rebellion ramblings#Uzumaki Rebellion
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Δεν θέλω να σε αφήσω
"I don't want to leave you."
Your POV
Synopsis- Sacrifice one of your characters who doesn't want to die and watch them beg to live.
Category- Heavy angst
Notes- I'm writing a full-length fic for Ao3 and experiencing major writer's block, so here's a prompt I stole from Pinterest. This will be a two-part story but there will be no happy ending so don't ask (I have a plan for how I want this written) I will write the fluffiest story I can to make up for it though. Stay tuned.
Warnings- Heavy angst, character death, conon typical gore and violence, no happy ending, I'm feeling very evil today, kidnapping, grief, murder, mentions of torture but no description, established relationship, flashbacks to make all this bearable. Poorly written medical scenes.
Word count- 2,883
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Denial-
You were blindfolded, gagged, and bound in the back of a rattling van. As far as you could tell there were only two people beside you. One driving the van down a winding, bumpy road, and the other in the back with you- holding a gun to your forehead.
How could you have been that stupid?
How could you have let your guard down during a chase?
You were trained better than that.
The team had split up to cover more ground, two members in each direction. You were teamed up with Morgan, much to Spencer's chagrin. Ever since the wedding, he didn't like to be apart from you. But you had spotted a light shining off in the distance, its beam bouncing as if the owner was running. Stupidly, you charged for it, ignoring Morgan's call after you.
It wasn't until a bag was pulled over your head that you realized it was a trap. One that would pull you at least forty-five minutes away from the team.
The van jolted, bouncing up and down as if the road were littered with large rocks and potholes. Maybe it was, you had no idea where you were.
"Why can't we just shoot her? She's a cop."
Your gun-wielding captor murmured, pressing the barrel of the weapon harder against your head. Your heart was pounding but you refused to say anything, refused to give them anything they were looking for.
"Because, jackass, we need 'er. We could hold 'er ransom, she's obviously important. Did you see that one guy lookin' for 'er? I was scared he was goin' to start crashin' out."
"Ugh," The man in front of you presses the gun harder before pulling it away entirely. "Fine."
If your team was going to find you, you were going to have to do your part and get away. Leaving a trail was your best bet. Draw their attention to where you are heading if you can't get out. They were going to find you.
So, with a controlled deep breath, you kick your foot out to the man closest to you. Pride and energy exploded through you as soon as you heard that tale-tell sound of a gun clattering across the floor.
"What the fuck-"
You had managed to get both the gag and the blindfold off, your eyes adjusting to the brightness of the sun streaming in through the windshield and windows. You didn't let it deter you. Quickly you strike, kicking the man once again as you struggle unbinding your hands.
The van swerves and you lose your balance, falling to the ground and landing in a heap of twisted limbs. You didn't have enough time to react as the man towering above you brought the butt of the gun across your skull.
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Anger-
The sky was a vibrant blue with no cloud in sight. Spencer fussed over the use of sunscreen. He didn't want the honeymoon to be ruined over something as preventable as a bad sunburn. You let him dote over you, his wandering hands rubbing the sunscreen over your face and shoulders.
He was so handsome in his thin, white linen shirt and dark slacks, that leather satchel strapped across his chest like always. The two of you were at the beach, the city of Santorini glistening behind you with its bleach-white buildings and cobalt roofs.
When Spencer looked over to you, his sunglasses reflecting the pure joy on your face, he grabbed your hand.
"I'm so excited for forever with you."
"Me too, Spence." - You were tied up to a rusty beam, arms stretched high above your head, toes just barely touching the ground. Your arms ached, your head throbbed, your body was sore. But you still fought, still writhed in place to wear down the rope digging into your skin.
"They'll fucking find you!"
You scream, throat scratchy and ragged. It had been hours since you had been tossed into the basement and unceremoniously tied up. Could it have been more than that? Days? Weeks?
No one answered. Still, you kicked the air, threats echoing into silence. You were literally talking to a brick wall that this point.
"Do whatever you want to me, I'll never talk."
You spit at the ground, ears catching the faintest scrape before the door swung open. Two men and one woman approached. By the looks of it, with her head held high and her confident strut just a few feet in front of the men, she was their leader.
"What the fuck do you want with me, cunt!"
You scream again, energy and anger returned now that you have something organic to yell at. She grabs your face, dagger-sharp nails digging into your cheeks as she squeezes so hard she forces your jaw open.
"Watch your mouth, bitch."
"Make me."
She chuckles darkly, the sound so evil you feel it taint your soul.
"You heard the lady." She snaps her dangerously manicured fingers and the man to your right steps forward. "Make her."
Hours pass and you don't know how much longer you could take their torture. Knives, whips, waterboarding. Anything they could get their hands on, they used. But the lives of your team were at steak. If they weren't already on their way to rescue you.
Blood was lost and skin was ripped. You were kept awake, on the brink of consciousness for so long that you didn't think anything was real anymore. This was supposed to be an easy case, in and out. Spencer promised that he would take you out to dinner; a cute little Greek place that reminded the two of you of the honeymoon.
It was almost like you could see Santorini again. The blinding bright light of the lamp above you twisting and swirling into a midday sun. The sweltering hot heat of the basement bled into the summer air as the two of you walked from one bookstore to the other all the while Spencer rambled on about something you couldn't remember.
The brick walls morphed into the stark white walls of the Air B&B Spencer had rented, with its open windows and stone floors. And soon you were trailing behind Spencer, trying to keep up with his long legs as he pulled you down the cobblestone street.
Your face suddenly stung, your cheek igniting in a powerful blaze that ripped you out of your daydream.
"Wake the fuck up."
You spit in her face and feebly kick at her shins as you continue to dangle. You were too tired to do anything else.
She clicks her tongue at you, smiling a snake's smile.
"Your friends should be here any second. And if they play nice, I might let one of them live."
"You touch-"
Another slap, this time to your other cheek. That fire inside of you, the one that kept you going for however long you'd been there, was slowly dying. You were slowly dying.
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Bargaining-
They had set up a camera. It was an older model that sat on a tripod directly in front of you. On the table to your left sat an old landline; it was on speakerphone. You could hear your team making deal after deal for you, and you could only assume the camera was for them.
"Please..." You whisper, your voice meak. You were so tired, eyes heavy and body numb. You felt like you were floating.
The woman was gone now, her two goons watching you from the table. They refused every deal Hotch made. You don't know why they refused or why they were keeping you here. What did you have that wasn't already offered by your boss?
The man to the left, Dimitri as you learned, grinned an awful smile as he watched you dangle like meat on a hook.
"I'll kill you, you son of a bitch-"
You briefly hear Spencer's voice over speakerphone, the sound like a mirage in the middle of a desolate desert. It pulled you further into the memories that kept you from breaking.
"I love you so much, my darling..."
Dimitri stood, chuckling as you heard a scuffle from the other end of the phone. Spencer was most likely pulled away from the table, kicking and fighting as Morgan took him out of the room.
Your mind was slipping, switching back and forth between fantasy and reality. Soft kisses you could almost feel. The blinding pain in your wrists as the rope rips your skin. His shining smile as you say 'I do'. The throbbing ache all across your body where those fucking monsters continue to cut. The silk sheets sliding against your skin as Spencer kisses down your body.
Finally, Hotch made a deal they seemed interested in. A one-way ticket to dissappear without the threat of the government chasing after them.
"I guess we don't need you no more. It's such a shame, I was just startin' to like ya."
Dimitri raised his gun, the barrel aimed at your temple. It was so close, the bite of the metal against your skin sending adrenaline-filled shivers across your body.
"No, please!" You try, energy coursing through your body as the reality of the situation kicks in.
"Awe, little miss thinks she can plead her way out of this."
The other man, Kyle, joined in. His joy was just as twisted as Dimitri's.
"I don't want to die! You got what you want, please. I have a husband, and a life, and friends!"
You heard somewhere that if you recite your life, your loved ones, and memories, you'd remind them that you were human.
"Boo fuckin' hoo," Kyle mocked as he walked towards the phone and hung up on your team. He moved the camera closer, one last fuck you to the government that failed them.
"You don't understand, please. We got married three- three weeks ago, Penelope’s birthday is next week and I haven't gotten her a present yet. I haven't, I haven't seen my parents all year. Please put the gun down, put it down, please. "
He cocked the gun and squeezed the trigger.
You brace for the pain, the pressure you'd imagine you'd feel. But it didn't come.
"That shit won't work on me, sweetheart. I don't give a shit whether or not you have a litter of ankle biters and plan on meetin' with the president. You're not getting outta this."
"Why?"
"Because I like the look on your face."
Another click. You didn't know if there was even a bullet in the chamber, but every time he pulled the trigger, you flinched.
"This," He drags a meaty finger down your cheek, collecting the tears that were spilling. "Is why."
He licked the tear off his finger, grinning like a madman before pulling the trigger for the sixth time. This was it. Everything happened in slow motion, the release of the gun, the maniacal cackle of the men before you.
Still, you were alive. Still, you were dangling in that basement.
"Please!"
Is all you can say.
"Please stop,"
All other words disappear from your vocabulary.
"Stop, please. I don't wanna die!"
You were rendered a rambling child, begging for a chance to live while they played God with your existence.
Suddenly, you hear an explosion of sound above you. Thundering footsteps, gunshots, falling bodies. They found you.
"I'd say your last words now, mother fucker because you'll never be a free man again."
Dimitri growled in your face. He leaned in real close, his putrid breath fanning across your face.
"And you'll never make it to your one year anniversary."
Boiling, white hot pain spread from your stomach. A knife, its blade twisted in your guts before Dimitri and Kyle are tackled to the ground.
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Depression-
The salty air blew gently across your heated face, the crashing waves like music around you. Spencer pulled you out of the Air B&B after dinner, dragging you down to the beach where he convinced you to a late-night swim.
It was severely out of character for him, but he was just so happy to be married, to be by your side, that he allowed his impulses to rule the night.
The full moon was your only source of light, but you could be blind and still find your way beside him. He was loose and carefree in a way you've never seen him before.
The two of you were waist-deep in water, the tepid waves lapping at your bodies. He held you, one hand in yours and the other on the small of your back, as the two of you rocked to the sound of the ocean.
"I don't think I've ever been this happy before."
He confessed, his face bright. He was looking at you like you were the only girl in the world, and at the moment - with the beach empty - you felt like it.
"Me neither, Spence."
"Please stay with me..."
His voice was different. It was strained, not at all matching the blissful expression on his face. Spencer sounded far away, panicked. All at once, the comfortable warmth of the summer night ocean turned boiling.
Wet, blazing warmth spread across your stomach and leg.
"What?"
"Come, on. Wake up, please. Stay with me."
"I don't want to leave you, Spence."
You were so confused. You weren't going anywhere, not anytime soon. Especially not now.
His face screwed up, his brows drawing in. Tears you didn't notice fell from his lashes as his chin wavered.
"Then stay with me, please."
The night sky disappeared. In its place was a white ceiling. The sound of crashing waves turned into wailing sirens and blunt orders. Spencer's hands around your body turned into the straps of a gurney.
"Spencer?"
You didn't know where he was, your mind still desperately grasping that memory.
"I'm right here, baby. I'm here."
Spencer leaned over you and his worried face was in your vision. He placed his hand on your face, his thumb tracing idle circles into your cheek.
"Where are we?"
Where did the ocean go? You miss it terribly.
"We're on our way to the hospital, darling. You're going to be okay. "
You had the feeling that he was saying that more to himself than to you. But it was comforting nonetheless.
Your eyes felt too heavy, your body too cold. It didn't feel like you were in an ambulance, it felt like you were floating in the ocean, your body suspended in time.
"No, no, no!"
Spencer yelled.
Why was he yelling? You were having such a good time at the beach.
"Baby, please!"
He tapped your cheek, his hands suddenly too warm.
"Calm down, Spence."
Words spilled out of your mouth like molasses, your tongue sticking to the roof of your mouth.
"Were in Greece..."
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Acceptance-
"Scalple."
There was an insistent beeping.
Everything was dark, your body floating in a void that was all too familiar.
Muffled murmurs, a metallic release of air, something wet.
"Baby?"
You turn, and the darkness bled into a soft light. You were in Spencer's apartment, arms and legs tangled with his.
"Yes, my love?"
"I'm going to miss you."
You prop yourself up on your elbow and tuck a piece of hair behind his ear.
"What do you mean, dork? I'm not going anywhere."
Spencer looked so sad.
"What's wrong, Spence?"
He pulled you forward with both hands on your face. Spencer kissed you deeply, his lips moving over yours in a way that had your heart soaring.
When he pulled away, he tucked you under his chin.
"Nothing, just rest."
The sheets were not as soft as your remember, his body not as warm. Something was off. And then it hit you. The van, the torture, the knife.
"I'm dying, aren't I?"
Spencer said nothing, only pulling you closer.
"Did I at least get to say good bye?"
A kiss to your forehead but still no comment.
"Spencer, say something please..."
"The time I spent with you had been the best years of my life."
Oh god.
"Don't say that, baby."
"You'll always be the love of my life. No one will replace you."
"No, Spencer. Stop."
"I'll see you soon, my darling. You better be waiting for me on the other side."
You claw at him, begging him to stop saying such stupid things. But he doesn't respond, only settling further into the bed and holding you as tight as he could.
After a while, you give up and hold onto him as well. You lay there, in his arms, for so long you start to relax.
"I'll wait for you, Spencer. But do me a favor."
He finally looks at you, tears freely flowing down his face.
"Don't subject yourself to a lonely life just because I'm not there. If you meet someone, you meet someone. I just hope they make you happy. That's all I want."
He smoothes his hand down the back of your head.
"Promise me, Spence."
"I promise."
You knew he was lying, but you also knew this wasn't Spencer. It was your subconscious mind preparing you for departure.
You stay in his arms after that, imagining what awaited you on the other side.
#criminal minds#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#no use of y/n#angst no comfort#no happy ending#tw death#major character death#part 1#angst
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☆Headcanon: brother-sister coding, hear me out
I need to get this post done before whatever that will happen in chapter 192. So even if I only got two more days for this theory to be around, I'll be glad that I finally let this out from my chest after a while. So, don't take whatever I will ramble about as something super serious.
First of all, maybe you guys will look at me and says, "what the fuck Alie they're like two different unrelated characters" and while that's true for now and so far, I just... can't really took my eyes off from this "siblings coding" the more I read Chainsaw Man. And I have some reasons and theories why (disclaimer: I did a crazy reach all over the direction) and I found it very interesting.
Reason no. 1: Their First Meeting & Re-occurence
Hirofumi is the first part 1 character that Asa meets (even before Denji). So, I think it's reasonable for me—the reader to be intrigued on what is Fujimoto's plan for their seemingly "not important" (but why be the first?) relationship.
My initial thought is that: oh, they might become friendlier in the future or even become lifelong enemies. Then I remember Hayakawa Family—Aki and Power as the first ever Denji's buddy, specific on Power.
Because even though narratively and character writing-wise Power and Hirofumi are fundamentally different, both of them are written initially to form false narratives that they'll become a token love interest for our protagonist(s) aren't they? They also share a somewhat similar strawberry cake motive, makes me wonder why.
Alsoooo, I think the way Hirofumi & Asa's Devil Hunter Club "date" being portrayed as very differently from Hirofumi + Denji and Hirofumi + Fami "cafe date" (a.k.a. work-related mandated date) is important, somehow.
Reason no. 2: Personal Motives and Untold Family Narratives of Asa Mitaka
We know since the very first time we met her that Asa is very lonely and her motives circling around getting a companion (either a boyfriend or a friend) and living selfishly (which as we can see right now is backfired rapidly, but I'll talk about this separately later, maybe in the future).
However, there's one aspect of her motives that's kinda underlooked, and it's her relationship with family member. Yes, we got a glimpse of Asa and her mom (never with her father so far) and Asa with her lovely pet—Crambon, however they already died years ago, and Asa blame herself for it.
It's unfair that in this world, she still had her family, as they said. So maybe she already gives up on that idea. Which is where the true weights of this headcanon come from. What if, she still could have it? Even though she never asked for this directly. Her getting a family again that she was maliciously accused of unfairly having, could be very nice, actually. Even if it's a very insufferable or a miserable mess workaholic kind of brother (or twin brother).
Reason no. 3: Hirofumi's Motives
This deserves its very own post just like my plan to talks more about Asa's living selfishly motive but to make it simple, Hirofumi lied at the very start because he already formed a parasocial relationship with both Asa and Denji by giving them options to have a somewhat nicer normal life (Denji not becoming Chainsaw Man, and Asa making a distance from Denji to prevent her from turning him into her weapon and thus also prevented her to feel down because of the guilt) even though he knows that another choice never really exist to begin with.
(Asa doesn't necessarily have to be his sister to add more depths to this motive. I just think won't it be very funny if Hirofumi was like collecting information all around, confirming that Asa Mitaka is indeed the incarnation of War Devil in weird case then he took a look at her Koseki then boom they have the same dad!? What the fuck was that. Here comes new responsibility that his father left behind, I guess)
As what we know so far, Hirofumi took his job and his responsibility very seriously and very neat about which one he could improve or "change" for everyone's sake involved. IF Hirofumi and Asa are indeed siblings (or half siblings) however, this gives more explanation on his involvement and his own personal interest. Hirofumi is not easy to read, but he still overshares to Asa (chapter 121 when he agrees on Asa's takes about solitude) and "taking care" of her.
Reason no. 4: Just Take a More Look at Them
Taller than average? Check. More athletic than average? Check. Insane face card? Check. Unbelievable amount of yearning? Check. Arguably suicidal? Check.
Both of them being a human stuck in status quo between human vs devil war like hostages in their own prison—Hirofumi stuck as hollow used cop for Public Safety and Asa stuck as War Devil very own vessel—with absolutely nothing, no one really on their side (Fumiko and Fami as mean of even more control over both of them)? Check.
Even as concept alone, child soldier and war maiden incarnate siblingsm could be developed to be something, very interesting.
Okay, now into more theories territory.....
Theory no. 1: Asa and Hirofumi are the Result of Kishibe Fucking Around and Found Out Post Quanxi Rejection Era
Why Kishibe would do that? Idk but it's a funny math because if Kishibe is in his early 50 now then 17 years ago would be him in his 30s. If Kishibe become devil hunter in his early 20s and meet Quanxi shortly after that and become buddies for 9 years then, the year just lined up lmao. How much chances of them being an oopsies baby thus explaining their very different last names but strangely similar physiques and even narratives? Not zero.
There are two options regarding this though. It's either they're twin siblings or half siblings. Half siblings mean they have different mothers but same dad, and twin siblings mean they have same mother but got separated at some point during their lifetime (Hirofumi went with Kishibe and Asa went with her mama who probably re-marry or just simply raising Asa alone and lying about her dad getting eaten by devil or something because her love story with that drunkard crazy man is just that bad).
Kishibe avoiding child support for 17 years and this is the consequences, also both of them got their ass kicked out by the very same lesbian who rejects their father, I'll say it's a beautiful storytelling.
Theory no. 2: Sinister Look on Vol 17 Cover and "Hirofumi will appear in Asa's Dream"
We will get into a more sinister area here because I believe the Makima-esque vibes, "necessary evil" narratives Hirofumi brought up to the table are not coincidences or neglectable at all. Even more sinister because his cover is him standing in front of alleyway just like how Makima cover is her in front of the door in Denji's dream.
Which led me to think that this could indicate something. However, kinda different on how it was portrayed, I think this make things clear that Hirofumi is not endgame antagonist since his cover came a bit too early than what we—the reader anticipated (there is absolutely no fucking nobody in the fandom that expecting Hirofumi to get a cover during before the cover reveal). However, he might be the key into Asa's end dream reveal later on.
Maybe he will appear on her dream being vague as fuck, or maybe direct her dream into a more "false happiness" directions since all he did is lying (see reason no. 3) to distract her focus on dead chickens. Personally, I think the latter will be more interesting because it will be the opposite of what Makima did in Denji's dream, if this "Hirofumi will appear in Asa's dream sooner or later" theory is true. The government and the church need Asa in her stable conditions to unleash Yoru anyway.
"Then what does this imply into your siblings theory"—because siblings should take care of each other, ideally. And I think it will add more depth, if true of course.
Theory no. 3: Hirofumi Cares About Asa (maybe more than what we see on-screen)
To put on more disclaimer, this is just what I imagine to fill out the gap in between narratives and it connects to reasons number 3 (again). Despite how he positions himself and blending in the crowd like invincible, Hirofumi is actually easy to care and feel guilty too (and the reason why he could kill the Immortal Brother assassin in part 1 is because he has the ignorance privilege, but with both Denji and Asa? Not so much).
I have no strong basis for this theory I just have my own feelings and a dream, and this is basically what I think Hirofumi has done so far for Asa (subtle) in the story:
Hirofumi just let Yuko loose and kill Asa's bullies during Justice Devil Arc. This may sound dark, but it fit his character in a way that he's okay with doing violence as long as it could benefit his mission (and maybe this time his personal interest too). Because he knows Asa got bullied at school. If this could solve her bullying problems, then why not? That's why Hirofumi is just sitting around during the whole fight until Denji interfered.
Hirofumi is the one who brought Asa to hospital after Falling Devil Arc (which is somehow in line for how I think he's Denji blood-giver in the same arc). Because well, I don't think Public Safety cared enough to get her conditions checked, but Hirofumi is aware about her injury conditions (arguably this is so that she could be a bargaining chip for Denji but we know that the main chip is Nayuta, I think Hirofumi just want to let him know just because also let me have this imagination for the sake of this agenda).
The reason why Hirofumi didn't or more likely can't kill Asa during CSM Church Arc is not necessarily just because War Devil has become stronger. Paneling focus on their face's expressions indicate that Hirofumi just can't bring himself more to do so (after he saw Asa's hand and her in pain), thus making him fail this mission to capture War Devil dead or alive. It's the guilt kicking in.
I think Hirofumi is somewhat relieved after he saw Asa's hands are back (yay) in Aging Devil Arc. Also, that's what he put his focus on FIRST after he got vomited out before asking his own situation even.
Personal View and The Main Takeaway (really): I need this to be real just because I think it will be so fucking funny
To end this unbelievably long ass post, I think it's important to note again that they have like five screentime together and I'm just insane. But if I should be honest, this is not me being rational at all, I just think the whole situation would be funny up to seven more factors if my ramblings are true.
Because this headcanon imply that the fandom meltdown towards them (as individuals or as in characters dynamics) is unnecessary at all. Like aside from Hirofumi being read mainly as queer, maybe him acting kind of mean and nonchalantly distant (and somewhat awfully playful) towards Asa are just because he like being petty and doesn't want to look like he wants to bang his sister (as a sister myself, yes I do feel the need to annoy my other siblings whenever I can just because I could and it doesn't have to be hatred, sometimes it's the love aggression kicking in).
Lastly, thank you guys for coming to my yapping ted talks.
#chainsaw man#chainsaw man part 2#yoshida hirofumi#hirofumi yoshida#mitaka asa#asa mitaka#csm#chainsaw man theory#headcanon#fan theory#character analysis#unpopular opinion#I'm like half joking in most of these but#headcanons taken seriously#hirofumi and asa siblingsm really ended up living rent free in my brain#high af yapping#im going insane#nooticing#i think i'm just crazy at this point but it will make sense istg#likely won't be true but I'm glad it inhabit my brain for some times they are very dear to me#funtime idea for siblings: let your friend kill your sister's bullies at school and act idgaf because “you don't get paid enough” for it#funtime idea for siblings: try to kill each other off#another funtime idea for siblings: prank former japan minister so now he is stuck in ageless time prison#not funtime idea for siblings however: falling in love to the same blonde weapon human guy with chainsaw on his head#both looks like pathetic wet cats living in cardboard cutouts abandoned in my eyes#when I wrote this I thought to myself “how could I shove Kishibe into this situation” so I did#is this even a coping because I myself don't even 100% believe in it
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you suck at writing so you use AI? Yeah, that’s a great idea 🙄 its easy to tell
Hii! so, i dont use ai to write! i do write it all myself, which is why whenever i respond to someone’s request i always apologize for taking so long because i do take a lot time to write.
Im also very big on expanding my own vocabulary, i use apps like “Vocabulary- learn words daily”, and read a lot in general to expand it as well.
There have been multiple cases where people are falsely accused of using Ai, and as someone who’s a student, using Ai is an absolute no for me considering it could cause me to lose everything i’ve worked hard for. The cases of getting falsely accused of using Ai are becoming so common to the point where there are petitions you can sign if you’ve been falsely accused by a university or job / workplace.
I don’t appreciate being accused of using Ai, when i strictly do not. It’s a large part of why i take so long to write as i’ve stated before, and a series that proves this is Infernal Shadows, which if you check time stamps i believe the first three chapters are posted very close together because they’re pre written, while the rest of the chapters are post with a good amount of time apart, one because i didn’t believe it would gain a lot of attention, i also only planned to have three parts but didn’t want it to come off as overwhelming, and two because it takes me a long while to put into words what exactly i want the reader to in-vision. You can also see with some parts, i kind of use the same words over and over because of one becoming drained from writing for so long, and two because eventually i do run out of things, or more like descriptive words for scenes with lots of details on characters.
If there are writers out there that use ai, then that is their choice. however on this page, ai is not used to write whatsoever.
This girl on tiktok talks about how she and another creator were accused of using AI, for things like grammarly being used on papers which can trigger an AI scanner.
I myself do use grammarly to write my stories, one because i write on my personal laptop, and two because i do find the extension useful. It points out mistakes i might miss when reading things over, be that out loud or in my head, and can give me feedback on if im being too repetitive or too wordy at times.
This girl also checked her essay on an Ai scanner, and the scanner detected 95% of the essay as Ai when she herself spent three hours writing it.
Another example here, where this girl uses grammarly and again just has good sentence and grammar structure.
Another example here
Another example here
Another example here
Another example here
Another example here
This article also touches on this topic of people being falsely accused of using Ai.
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Weekly Update - February 2, 2025
Interesting update at the start of this month. I’ve put up a lot of work for some rewrites to improve the earlier chapters, since I’ve recently been a bit disappointed in our MCs backstory.
So now, we got around 3k words of bullying from Isaac and Vivian, before the Tragedy, along with some extra flavor text. We also get to hear the big fight between mom and dad in Chapter 1 before the divorce, which should help some of you want to get revenge on him too. I’ve also made a change to the dads. They are now 7, not 9. I know, not a huge difference, but enough to make them more useful to the actual plot.
Now, for Chapter 2 I’ve changed mom’s speech a bit, since the events of the night of the divorce are a bit different now. We also get to change our first name, even though it’s the nth most popular name in Canada. There’s a stat to keep track of your revenge filled emotions for 1st dad, since he’s now a bigger target.
And here’s the bigger addition: a housekeeper/maid/butler! We now have a new character, Wren, a housekeeper assigned by mom to spy on MC that will also help with some of the gruntwork outside of school that isn’t completed by Angela, Marcus, or Burt. We’ll get to choose their gender and have mechanics where they will give info to mom while also helping you out if you gain their trust.
For Chapter 3 I’ve mainly just made MC to be the actual mastermind here, instead of a mess that they were here. Most of the meetings are planned by MC. Michael and gang bump into you at the entrance? All a plan! But of course, Wren was tailing them to school, reporting when you should get out from your car and face them. Talking to Connor in the hallway? All part of the plan! You pretended to be clueless to attract his attention. Cecily talks to you in homeroom? Pfah, you already knew she was in the same homeroom with you, the talk was inevitable!
I’ve also started writing the subtle revenge plans for homecoming in Chapter 4. For Dylan I’m thinking of putting in action the little statue we’ve kept from Chapter 1, if we really want to be obvious with our homecoming and you actually kept it.
Anyway, big week this week, and it will only continue this way.
Just a reminder cause I get asked this a lot, these updates are for the Patreon demo and for what I’ve actually written down. The public update will get new content once I finish Chapter 4 and I’m sure it work properly!
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i read through part 2. spoilers i guess. also, again, if you can't handle reading critique of a professionally published book, don't read
so the reviews on storygraphs indicate a lot of people were frustrated with part 1 because zetian is basically confined to a room the whole time. i do think this whole section could have been condensed by a lot because it was pretty repetitive and filled with a lot of characters just explaining "laborism" (communism, basically) to each other and also with the nuance and vocabulary of the average twitter user, but i don't actually think it was a bad writing choice. it lets the breakneck speed of the previous book take a break and lets zetian orient herself to the next step in her... whatever her plan is. she is a uneducated 18 year old whose only talent is having a lot of qi, suddenly being handed a crown and betrothed to an emperor deadset on revolutionizing society. seeing her learn to navigate this new type of life is genuinely an interesting concept
so what is zetian's plan? one of my big criticisms of this series in general is that what Zetian is even trying to do at any given moment is frequently completely unclear. if you read my Iron Widow review, I said that the later ~2/3s of the book feel really unfocused because Zetian doesn't have a real goal or driving force. things just happen because the plot requires them to happen. Heavenly Tyrant is..... a little better about this. Zetian wants to kill the "gods" and get Shimin back. Qin Zheng, the emperor, also wants to kill the gods. This part is solid and the plotting revolving around making this happen while the gods can see their every move is easy to follow with clear action -> consequence.
but then there's zetian's other goals about making society better, especially for women. she doesn't seem to have.... any sort of real plan here? she has very few specific goals for improving the lives of women, and when she does come up with a goal (like getting more female pilots), it's often unclear how exactly she thinks her actions will lead to the outcome she wants or what the outcome will look like. then some outcome happens and it feels more like we just hit that part of the story outline rather than an organic consequence of characters' actions. and "zetian keeps doing shit despite being bad at planning" is a fine character trait, don't get me wrong, but the writing is not good enough to make this feel like it's what's happening instead of just a bunch of "just trust me bro" moments
another complaint i had about Iron Widow is that we get told all these worldbuilding details for qi and how the mechs work, but none of it is actually used to be plot relevant. this.... also gets a little better. but not a lot better. mostly we just see Zetian struggling in battle a lot, even though she should theoretically be more experienced and have all this special training from Qin Zheng, which made me wonder why she's the empress at all. she's bad at politics and she keeps flubbing her robot battles. oh, plus-- the fights are not written super well. i know Zetian can pull the tails off her nine tailed fox mech and form them into lances, but i still don't really know what a hundun looks like??? also what happens to the lances she drops? and they just gone? what's happening
we do slowly see her get better at politics in part 2, but it's slow going and also largely boring. the "laborism" theory as presented feels juvenile and a lot of the societal problems are just "telling" and not "showing." there's a few scenes where we actually get to see problems illustrated, but they're few and far between, and there's so much boring internal monologues and poorly written dialogue spaced between them.
and guys.... the dialogue. it's so bad. everyone speaks with the exact same voice, and that one voice does not adequately mimic how real humans speak. there's a line where "and/or" literally appears in the dialogue.* every other spoken sentence ends with an exclamation mark. i grew up reading fanfiction so more exclamations mark than usual seems fine to me, but it's SO MANY. plus a lot of descriptions are written like the writer is unsure of what things are actually called? i don't know how to describe this feeling but i don't like it. it's like a watered down version of when fanfics will say stuff like "an oven-like device"
*yes i KNOW some people say this irl. i say this sometimes. do you think an ancient emperor who speaks with a cockney accent** says this???
**I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP
i don't think i really talked about this in my Iron Widow review, but this series has a lot of characters that are there for structural support and nothing else. an example in Iron Widow would be Sima Yi, who's there because a strategist character is needed, but barely has a personality and zero interesting things about him. there's no point to him except that this specific type of role needs to be played by someone. and that's fine in small doses. some characters are just there to be the usher at the theatre. Heavenly Tyrant is better at making its side characters actual characters (like Wan'er and Taiping), but then there's still more and more named characters you have to keep track of who are barely characters. like in part 2, Qin Zheng has to go into quarantine for... almost all of part 2, so Zetian needs a new copilot and recruits two prisoners. one of them is basically not there, and the other is a guy named Di Renjie whose narrative job is to be there and occasionally lecture other people about prison reform to remind you that he is a person. he's barely present at all and has no emotional or narrative impact, so it doesn't feel like much when he dies. there's not enough room in the novel to flesh him out (it's not impossible to communicate a character quickly, but this book doesn't seem to be good enough at character writing to do this) or to explore the absolutely horrific situation zetian forced him into, even though this seems like it definitely should be explored because it's what happened to her. he's just there because the plot needs her to have a copilot who's not qin zheng. zetian does spare a few thoughts of guilt about di renjie, but he's very much a non-character
as for the quarantine thing..... qin zheng gets confined to a single "sterile" room because his 200 year old body supposedly has no immunity to modern pathogens. my educated scientific opinion was "that is bullshit evolutionary biology" so (SPOILERS) i was relieved when it turned out to be a lie. however i need you to understand that that is the tone of this book. i read a completely bullshit explanation, knew it was bullshit, but everything is so overexplained yet immature that I was just like "yeah, seems like that's real for this world"
i will say the Fake Quarantine Reveal briefly had me excited. but i have read the first couple chapters of part 3 and it's just about sex. these two do not have enough chemistry to make this interesting or spicy, and you guys know i love characters who hate each other so much they simply must have sex about it. nope, these two just regular hate each other and their interactions are largely unpleasant. please bring back the plot
their safeword is "private property" and once again i am choosing to believe this is a joke for my own sanity
i've been reading heavenly tyrant (the sequel to iron widow by xiran jay zhao). thoughts after finishing the first part below the cut.
note my impression is mostly critical so far, and so clicking will reveal negativity. i assume most people have control over their own ability to gauge if they can handle this or not, but i've been proved wrong before
bullet points:
i feel the writing has improved on a structural level, but frequently veers into strange twitter-esque rants about the evils of capitalism? and often there are very first draft vibes to descriptions
there is a scene-- i shit you not-- where zetian accuses qin zheng (a legendary emperor who was frozen for 200 years that zetian woke up) of treating her like he owns her, and then makes a quip about how a guy who's against private property shouldn't be like that. qin zheng then replies-- i shit you not-- by explaining the difference between private and personal property. then he says something like "i have to go reform the education system" and leaves. i choose to believe this is a joke for my own sanity, but it is genuinely unclear
one of my complaints about iron widow is that the last 2/3-ish of the book seem to lack focus because zetian doesn't really have a specific goal, she's just doing stuff. in the first third of this installment, she spends 85% of her time confined to a single room. so now she doesn't seem to have much of a goal (she keeps talking about learning how qin zheng became powerful, taking that power, and killing him... but it's unclear why she wants to do this or what she thinks will happen if she succeeds) AND she's not even doing stuff.
i do like qin zheng more than shimin or yizhi. probably because he is the only one in this book making any sort of decisions. that being said, his ~toxic situationmance~ with zetian isn't... like... fun? they just don't like each other
if you liked yizhi or shimin then bad news!!!! they're barely here!!!! i didn't really care so i'm having fun with this new guy. how are you going to uplift the common man but live in a palace, new guy? hmm?
also zetian has gone from "ridiculous but fun to watch break things" to just like. unlikeable. it's to the point where it's hard to feel bad for her because some of her problems really do feel like they wouldn't exist if she was just, like, polite.
ANOTHER complaint i had about iron widow was that there was too much telling instead of showing. i felt this had improved a little with heavenly tyrant, as we see zetian actually attempting positive interactions with women (one of her repeatedly stated goals in the first book was wanting to help girls, and yet we barely saw her give a shit about any individual woman) and the narrative actually gives itself enough room to have zetian and qin zheng interact. however qin zheng keeps giving speeches about new policies he's going to use to fix society and folks, we have not been shown all these societal problems. like at all. there's medical debt? educational debt? no named character has these problems. i did not know these problems existed in this society before this speech.
also his big plans really do read like a 16 year old on tumblr making up an imaginary government based on some posts they read and 0 real world experience. slay
a lot of the reviews on storygraph complain it's too slow but honestly i read the first ten chapters really quickly because like. what is happening here. we'll see if anything manages to happen in the next part
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Drabble time! Words: 491
Pairing: Taliesin & my dragonborn oc, Massacre.
Dwemer ruins are the spawn of evil.
This entire fucking mission was a bad idea from the start. 'Oh, it'll just be a quick in and out. The ruins can't be *that* bad.' Massacre had thought. They could not have been more wrong.
Now, mere hours later, they were hopelessly lost in these fucking ruins and they had lost Taliesin what felt like a few minutes ago, but for all they knew it could have been days since they last saw him.
The only thing that lended any sense of direction was the gods-damned bodies that they found. These ruins looked so identical everywhere they looked and Massacre was half-certain they were going crazy.
The sound of steam was so loud they want to scream. They had never thought a gas could be so loud, but here they were, close to clawing their ears off of their head so that the sounds could just *stop*.
As they stumbled into another room, Massacre had almost started crying from relief when they saw Taliesin.
Until they noticed the position he was in.
Around him were the bodies of slain Falmer. He was curled into a ball and his breathing came in short bursts. Shit. Massacre knew what was happening. It had happened a lot to them when they were younger. All of their discomfort forgotten, they crossed the room and kneeled beside him.
What did Pa always do when this happened?
He didn't even register when they put their hand on his shoulder. Shit, shit, shit!
"Taliesin? Can you hear me? I need you to look at me." It took a moment, but he eventually turned his head to face them, his breathing still too fast to be getting enough oxygen. "Good. Now, I need you to focus with me. It's hard, but we need you to breathe right. Follow my lead. Breathe in... breathe out."
A while passed where Massacre just repeated the breathing demonstration, but eventually Taliesin was breathing normally again.
They both just sat next to each other for a moment after that, a comfortable silence having settled over them.
After a long while of sitting together, Taliesin finally broke the silence."I'm sorry you had to deal with that."
Massacre shrugged. "It's not a problem, I'm just glad you're okay."
"...How did you know what to do?"
"I used to have those too. I haven't in a while, but when I was younger, I really struggled. My Pa usually helped me through them."
"From what I've heard, your dad really loves you."
"Yeah... He does. He was the only person in Winterhold that believed in me. He could get stern, but I always knew he loved me."
Talisesin stayed quiet for some time after they said that. Although Massacre was curious about their new companion's life up until they met him, they didn't want to force him to talk about things before was ready.
Trust is earned, and Massacre found themself looking forward to earning his.
#skyrim taliesin#drabble#skyrim drabble#skyrim#Massacre the dragonborn#woooo two original posts in one day!#sorry if this is bad#skyrim oc#dragonborn oc#I have more written and plan to write more for this character#I have so many projects#send help
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one of my favourite aspects of supernatural that you very rarely see in paranormal shows is that sam and dean are already versed in the world they live in. there’s no sudden discovery of ghosts and demons and now they have to learn about them along with the audience; they are born into it and already know all about it. it allows the audience to follow their personal story instead of also trying to figure out this new world and its rules
the first season is full of knowledge we never see them learn; “w*ndigoes are in the minnesota woods or- or northern michigan. i’ve never even heard of one this far west.” […] “great. well then this [his gun] is useless.” (1x02), “you don’t break a curse. you get the hell out of its way.” (1x08), d: “it’s a god. a pagan god, anyway.” […] “the annual cycle of its killings? and the fact that the victims are always a man and a woman. like some kind of fertility right.” […] s: “the last meal. given to sacrificial victims. d: “yeah, i’m thinking a ritual sacrifice to appease some pagan god.” (1x11)
almost every episode in the first season is a monster they’ve faced before that they then explain to the audience in a way that should feel patronising; like it’s the same speech given over and over again but instead, the audience almost feels included in the knowledge. it’s stated with such an innate confidence and comfort in said knowledge that it feels like we already knew it too; “spirits and demons don't have to unlock doors. if they want inside, they just go through the walls.” […] “the claws, the speed that it moves; could be a skinwalker, maybe a black dog.” (1x02), “it's biblical numerology. you know noah's ark, it rained for forty days. the number means death.” (1x04), “no no no, not the reaper, a reaper. there's reaper lore in pretty much every culture on earth, it goes by 100 different names.” […] “you said it yourself that the clock stopped, right? reapers stop time. and you can only see 'em when they're coming at you which is why i could see it and you couldn't.” (1x12)
they already know and, at least in the first season, already have what they need to kill whatever they’re hunting; already know to salt and burn bones for spirits, fire for a w*ndigo, exorcisms for demons, a silver bullet to the heart for shapeshifters. there’s only three times in the entire first season that they run into something new to them; 1x14 when sam gets his first vision that leads him to another psychic, 1x16 when dean calls caleb for help on the sigil he put together and he tells him about daevas, and 1x20 when they find out vampires are real- and they only don’t know that bc john thought they were hunted to extinction and not worth mentioning
(there’s also technically two half instances if you count one of them knowing something the other doesn’t - sam figuring out the tulpa in 1x17 and dean already knowing about the shtriga in 1x18 - but those still rely on sam and dean having prior knowledge)
even when they’re uncertain about facing something, it’s not bc they don’t know what it is; it’s precisely bc they know what it is and acknowledge that it’ll be a difficult hunt (“i don't know, man. this isn't our normal gig. i mean, demons, they don't want anything, just death and destruction for its own sake. this is big. and i wish dad was here.” 1x04)
so much of the tension in paranormal shows typically comes from the main character(s) not knowing what is happening to them/the people around them and having to find out how to resolve it. supernatural is unique in that it operates more like a police procedural. the tension comes from solving the clues and identifying patterns to figure out who (what) the killer is and intercepting before they can take another victim
it’s such a different tone to go for when compared to other shows that came both before, during, and after its run. it sets sam and dean on even footing with each other since they both have the same knowledge going in, and it puts them in a place of authority usually reserved for an outside character
the shows i compare spn to most is charmed, buffy and teen wolf; every main character in those shows are brought into the paranormal world knowing nothing, putting them on the same level as the audience, and they have their mc interact with others already knowledgeable about that world in order to overcome their problem/monster of the week. the audience organically learns about this new world as the characters learn about it. it’s a sound writing strategy that prevents “as we already know”-style exposition but something that complicates it is if your world building isn’t unique or intriguing enough, this slow introduction can become boring
we’ve seen shows like these before; sitting through the same tropes of characters learning to use their powers, struggling with no longer feeling normal/relating to the regular world around them, and not knowing how much they can trust the people already involved in this new world gets repetitive. all three shows eventually reach the same level of comfort with their new world that spn starts with but if the characters aren’t enough to draw you in, you can end up dropping it before they reach that point (and often, before the overarching plot can really kick in and evolve the show beyond the villain of the week format)
it’s the superhero origin movie in tv format; dragged out and overplayed. dropping the audience into an established world of course comes with its own problems but you also have the benefit of pre-existing established character dynamics that let the audience slot in like they’ve always been there instead of just getting to know all the characters while the characters also get to know each other
sam and dean already knowing about the supernatural lets the audience immediately get to the core of the story; the conflict between sam and dean, the search for their father, and the mystery of what killed their mother
#i could go on forever theres literally so many examples#dean figuring the ‘two dark doubles’ is a shapeshifter sam figuring out the changing ghost is a tulpa#also peak how many of these examples come from dean despite them pushing so hard for sam to be the one knowing hunting theory#this format is why i cant stand watching the first season of charmed despite loving it so much#i just cant be bothered watching them have the same struggle ive seen a hundred times play out again#different genre but sons of anarchy does this well too; all the characters are already in the club life and already have inner conflict#spn having such a natural introduction makes me so glad they didnt go with the original plan of sam not knowing about hunting#that wouldve been Painful#watching spn so young has really shaped my view of media bc i legit cant stand things with a learning curve#give me an established world damnit#lord of the rings never stops to explain what a dwarf is! you just go with it! and it rules!#dean is just as theoretical and lore savvy as sam and id go as far to say he actually knows more#instead of trying to do this bullshit brains v brawn divide they shouldve done new tech vs analogue#sams laptop is famous and he also knows how to hack thing where the second dean doesnt know something he defaults to books#have dean be the one where if its written down he can find it almost like a proto bobby#they even kind of support that by him being the one to find the phoenix in s6 when they go through all their books#but this was 2005 and characters could only be so conplex and theyd already decided dean needed to be the hot one and sams the nerd one#side note how many of these metas am i going to write on this rewatch? tbd#side side note included all the quotes and episode numbers makes me feel so academic#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#carry on my wayward son#talk meta to me#meta#supernatural meta#spn#supernatural#dean winchester#sam winchester#save post
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New Age AU (Obtaining Killer)
Hey guys! Through with a bot of stuff for the day and I have a sneaking suspicion that this stress headache will not leave me until I finish some projects for work, so I *may* be m.i.a. for a hot second until they stop.
In the meantime, I want to drop this! (Unedited, unrefined, raw off the slab style)
Andddd @ancha-aus and @papiliovolens ! Hello! (Mutzelputz if u see this, the tags weren't working for some reason, I apologize.)
Hope y'all enjoy!
Ccino had convinced him to leave the castle. After nearly a year had passed since his last true public appearance. Since he'd stolen the apple from his brother. Nine months had passed since he'd sent Dream away. He tried not to think about it.
Nightmare had been finding out a lot about his magic. How it made him jittery, and how he felt like he understood so much more. How it made him deeply paranoid, quick to react.
How it made people listen to him.
He figured it was because he was scary now. The negative magic condensed over every inch of his bone wasn't exactly appealing, and the extra limbs which had sprouted from his spine now acted like his own personal weapons. If someone didn't listen, didn't give him an answer he liked, the limbs moved without him even thinking.
It had taken time to learn to better control them. Even now, they writhed in his wake. His nerves expressed through their lashing and twitching as they hovered just above the ground.
The streets weren't exactly crowded.
Upon word of the King's arrival to this small providence, Nightmare had found that many people fled from his path. His travel party of several soldiers, and himself on horseback. He'd always wanted to ride horses. The traitor twin was someone that every citizen wished to avoid.
Ccino had coaxed him outside with promises of fresh air. Apparently there were promising young members of the city guard that Ccino swore would be wonderful future knights. Young warriors for him to bring up loyally under his name, no fear of betrayal.
It had made sense, at the time, but Nightmare hadn't chosen to recruit any of them.
It wasn't to say he didn't want to. Several of the humans and monsters were very talented, and he did his best to give them praise, but he could tell. None of them wanted to work under him. They didn't like him. Rejection and hatred that had pierced him immediately, he could practically taste it.
Ultimately, they would do better here in their hometown. A place they were passionate about protecting, and with people they cared for. Night would not try to mold promising soldiers into his perfect guard. No matter how smart of an idea it may have been.
And so he'd moved on.
Night had visited several smaller shops, onces which couldn't afford to refuse him, and he bought some fabrics, a trinket, some small thing from each place he stopped by. He payed exactly the price he needed for each thing. He wouldn't bribe his people, either. The best he could do would be to remain neutral.
He did discover, against all odds, that he was enjoying this day out. Ccino was, in fact, usually correct about this sort of thing.
The travel had been enriching. Almost exciting. He'd never gotten out of the castle much at all, this was all new and excitingly mundane.
Good things do not last forever.
It was almost sunset when he noticed it. Torches being set up, a platform prepared. A crowd gathering.
An execution, came the mutter from one of his soldiers. Though he recognized the set-up, Night had never been in attendance to an execution. He was morbidly curious. The crowd held such a contempt. A broiling hunger for blood.
He wished he'd wheeled his horse away when a few people were ushered out of a nearby building.
The prison, maybe?
There weren't many of them. Nightmare dismounted his steed, and much to the dismay of the soldiers at his side, he found himself sinking. Into the growing shadows cast by the dying sun.
He re-emerged beside the stage, where the few people were lined up. Ready for death by hanging.
That trick wasn't one that Nightmare quite understood yet, but he was always drawn to feelings of intense negativity. He knew that, now. Something about these prisoners were bothering him, even at a distance, and he found himself more curious as he stood before them.
His guards, at the back of the crowd, hadn't seemed to figure out where he had gone. He had the time, now, to loom over the small group of prisoners.
The city guards, the trained ones, had likely seen him earlier at their headquarters. They did not speak even a word against him as he stared.
Nightmare stared at these faces.
A dog monster, scrappy and scarred, black fur clashing against a few patches of white. One of her ears was missing.
A pair of humans, both men, one with long, curly red hair and another with short-cropped red hair and the beginnings of a beard. Maybe they were brothers?
A skeleton. His sockets dripped with black magic, and his soul was a piercing crimson, just infront of his chest.
A flame monster, small and stout. Their flames a flickering green and purple. One of their eyes had a patch over it.
Nightmare was not great at determining emotions yet. He was hardly versed in his own feelings, but there had been improvement recently. Understanding new emotions had been coming more naturally to him.
Sometimes it hurt, but he was learning.
Now, past the blossoms of a headache, he felt a bit baffled as he subconsciously picked through the negativity these monsters exuded. Their fear. Their pain. Their loss, and their anger.
Oh.
"Only one of you is guilty."
He'd said it without thinking, practically announcing it with a voice that still felt unnaturally deep. A voice which rattled his ribcage and seemed to force past the barrier of darkness around him.
The group before him seemed startled. Confused.
Well, all but the skeleton, who seemed to only raise his skull slightly. As though just noticing Nightmare was there.
"How could you have possibly been jailed in the first place?" He muttered a bit quieter to himself.
He knew, deep down, that there were many, many rules in place for situations like this. Laws which he could challenge. People he could speak to. He could appoint members of his court to each of these people and try to earn their innocence through the rites of the law.
Then again, he remembered the rage of the crowd. The frustration of the people waiting to see these killings take place.
He didn't know what to do.
Now the prisoners, especially the two humans, were staring at him hopefully. He'd managed to shatter the negativity a bit. He believed them. He knew this was wrong.
"I don't know..."
The mutter came again unprompted.
These people would not have the means to repay him for his help. He couldn't just waive fees, or risk his court turning against him. He couldn't afford enemies being made so close to his inner circle.
He couldn't just leave them, though. Not after he'd seen the injustice of it all.
Stuck in his own thoughts, he was drawn out of it by a snickering laugh.
"Just set them free." A voice followed, "You are our King, aren't you?"
Nightmare then found his eyes drawn to the skeleton.
The others had eased themselves away from him. He stood, now, almost alone. He seemed unbothered by speaking up, his sockets held in an almost lazy posture. Tension going completely un-held.
He grinned up as the King, and seemed to watch contentedly as the thought settled in Nightmare's skull.
He could do that. Simply waive their charges. Pardon them. He could do that, surely. Many royals had done it before him for less certain terms. His mother had plenty of times.
"And you are guilty. You'll still be hanged. You know this, don't you?" Nightmare asked.
That was when the Skeleton's lazy sockets seemed to tighten with a sort of glee. Some hidden joke Nightmare wasn't privy to.
"Hmm." This was a poor choice. This was a bad decision. "Tell me, quickly, how you came to be here. Before I proceed?"
Nightmare didn't know why he was asking. He was... curious. Just like he had always been.
Very few people would ever speak straight to his face. Ccino, that was the only one who'd done it since his change. Since the prophecy. This skeleton had done it. He'd spoken when no one else could muster even a plea.
The silence he seemed to bring to every room. Broken, just briefly.
The skeleton stared at him a moment.
"Name's Killer, your majesty." The tone was mocking. "A while back a buddy of mine got into hot water, and I decided to help them out. Now, plenty of bodies later, I'm the one stuck on death row."
Simple. An admission of guilt.
Nightmare stared at him some more.
Finally, it seemed his frantic guards had noticed him. Found him. They rushed to his side, though not as fast as he would've liked. He could feel the frustration seeping from each armored body around him.
"You don't have an aversion to it," Nightmare voiced, "Killing, I mean."
Killer nodded. Unashamed.
It felt strangely calm, still. Perhaps it was because the crowd was still chattering. They likely hadn't noticed Nightmare at all.
The king turned to the city guard, still stood on the steps. "Free these four people. My judgement decrees them as not-guilty."
And, before any time could pass in the slightest. "Killer, I would like you to accompany me, before you abscond."
He'd noticed it. Killer had undone his cuffs before their conversation. Completely freeing himself from his weak imprisonment.
Killer seemed amused at the concept of sticking around to chat.
"If you would, I would like to recruit your services at my castle. I need a man who is willing to kill. And kill swiftly." Ccino said to establish an image. It was obvious now that his reputation would remain in the gutter, no matter what choices he made. He was not Dream.
Killer's sockets narrowed.
"And what would I get for being your little hunting dog?" Again, it was bold. It was new.
Nightmare was sure his expression hadn't changed since he'd come before the group. That same angry glare that sat permanently along his skull. The magic had an image to project.
His tendrils flicked, slightly.
"Payment, room, Fresh meals, and any other amenities you may like, so long as it does not break our treasury." He replied, "All I ask is that you simply obey me. And Me alone."
Not true. He'd probably ask for him to listen to Ccino as well. Once he knew for certain he'd stay.
Killer seemed to be thinking. He eyed they king, up and down. He looked to each of the guard around the king. The ones who were back in position now, though Nightmare could feel their annoyance. Their confusion.
Then Killer turned.
Then he turned back.
"Mm. Can't be worse than the ol' noose." Killer replied. "Funny way to run a country, my king. Hiring the first murderer you spot?"
Nightmare didn't humor that with a response. He was honestly shocked the skeleton had even agreed.
Though, all of that negativity had been swapped out for a glee. Something deep in Killer had changed during their brief interaction. A hope. Night could barely grasp the edges of its existence with his subconscious. But it was there.
.
He ignored the crowds as they grew confused. He ignored the worry pouring from the criminals as he had them released and informed them of their pardon.
He did not ignore when his guards told someone to keep their distance. He glanced up. Killer was standing beyond the guards, looking bored.
Nightmare, trusting fool he was, didn't even ask a guard to watch him to ensure he stayed put.
"Stand down." He ordered the guard, who begrudgingly allowed the skeleton to smugly slip past.
His tendrils kept the monster at a distance Night preferred all on their own. He seemed to take the hint.
"They're all gonna be dead by morning, you know." Killer voiced easily.
Nightmare turned to him, confused. What did he mean by that? He'd pardoned them?
"Are you deaf? The crowd wanted us dead, especially me." He chuckled, "Leaving them here is definitely going to get them killed. If the crowd doesn't rip them apart the second you leave, then it'll happen at night. There will be no witnesses."
Oh... Night hadn't fathomed that these people could turn on the innocent once declared. It hadn't even crossed his mind. Did they have a home to return to? A family they put at risk?
The noose was a fast death, but being murdered? That would've been so much worse.
He could tell, by the way they evaded looking at Killer, that he was right. Nightmare would be sentencing them to a new sort of death if he did it like this.
But he didn't have time for a trial. Or several. The sun was going down, abd Ccino expected him back. The castle needed him present, or they might revolt.
Someone might hurt Ccino.
Oh, he was such a poor ruler. He did not know his people well enough. How he lamented the lessons Dream had taken about crowds and current issues abd how to be likeable.
Night didn't know how to handle this. He was still learning!
A trembled in his hand. He tucked the limb quickly away from where it had been lightly clutching his tunics thick fabric, now hiding it beneath his cloak.
"Killer is right. It won't be safe here, for any of you." He spoke. Thank the gods it didn't sound as shaken as he felt. "I extend an offer to you all. You may stay here, or you may come take up positions among my staff back at the castle. Unlike Killer, I do not expect any crime from you, but you will be paid and housed."
The offer was met with a roar of frustration from the crowd, Nightmare chose to allow his guards to handle it. He watched, carefully, as the four looked between eachother.
The brothers agreed first. (They introduced themselves as brothers as they knelt in thanks.) Then the Dog. She said she had no family left to watch over, starting a new life would be for the best.
The flame refused, saying they would leave town by morning, and try to stay safe.
And so, Nightmare left the town with four new party members. Each had been provided a horse, each tied to one of the guards. Aside from Killer, whose steed was held personally by Nightmare.
He figured Ccino would chew him out for this, for bringing criminals into the castle when he was sent to collect soldiers, but Nightmare had a good feeling about these ones.
They did not hate him. Or fear him. He was helping them. And it felt good.
#hoping this posts. i put it into drafts first...#new age au#Night is a little poorly written here. but I promise it's intentional.#i love making the narration feel just as displaced as the character it's followinh#also. might write smth for Killer's pov of this because I can promise you#90% of it is “this loser has no clue what the fuck he”#'s doing“#in a mix of awe and amusement#and he 100% started with ulterior motives and ended up having a change of heart because of the whole#him sensing vaguely that Night was a weird paranoid kid still#OH#and that odd bit in the middle where Night is doing stuff isn't fleshed out very well#but it's meant to be a show of Night making sure his presence is known + gauging how people react to him being perfectly normal#and more importantly#he lost track of his plans. he's actually not supposed to be doing that. he's still a kid and he wanted to explore!#mm#okay#one more note#Nightmare takes those people back with him right? his castle staff is like 20% people from before and 80% people he freed from#unlawful situations or took in when they had nothing#the public sees it as him taking in shifty#evil criminals. but really? these people look up to nightmare because they were at their lowest and now have stable lives + homes and even#families sometimes#it's just cool#inside the castle is a lot safer than outside#even tho Ccino is still the only one who prepares Night's meals I think a good hunk of the staff would maul anyone they found w/ poison in a#mile radius of the kitchen.#raughhhh#okay fr last thing#I love Killer :] Him being the first is so important to me and I think he deserves the happiness ever
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AAAAYYYYE I'M GLAD YOU LIKED IT!
Yeah, since this is only the second time I've really written for Mad (so far this snippet has the most dialogue I've ever given him) I wanted to show something a little more unlikely for him. In the musicals, we've only seen all his bad, angry traits, and while those are still very prevalent here...well, emotions are already hard enough without having screws loose in your head.
I actually took a course on Criminology in college. Even before that, I was always intrigued by the psychological angle of investigative work. (Can't wait to eventually write about all the juicy, dark parts of it sooner or later...) Learning about the Bystander Effect was genuinely chilling for me. Especially since I often go out of my way to avoid confrontation. It can be both depressing and enlightening to compare that stuff to your own behavior.
Well, Casey literally just can't afford to buy Mad's claims. Even if he has a good read on how delusional he can be, there's just no coming back from all the shit Mad's done. As thoroughly performed and cool of a character Mad is, he's still completely irredeemable.
Of course I mentioned the pocket watch comic! You did such a great job with it! I'm excited to see what else you add to that part of the lore!
Yeeeaaah, no matter how clumsy he can be, Casey's got the skills and smarts! I really, really wanted to make it clear that I wasn't using him as comic relief or a helpless victim. Bro deserves better than that.
Lol, we've all seen Mad's ego. It can be pretty dangerous to set off, but it can also work as leverage against him.
Hey, listen, Azalea knows how to swallow her pride to get a job done, okay? She's efficient like that. (Also, since you bring it up: Caliban is one of very, very few people who are allowed to tease about her height, since she knows it's not out of malice. But if an enemy were to make short jokes around her...HOO BOY, it would NOT be pretty.P)
To clarify, Casey was hiding in the closet like that as a way to trick Mad. He knew he couldn't realistically get away if Mad was still in the house, so he planned to make Mad think he did. Then, after Mad rushed out to look for him, Casey would try to sneak out for real. Too bad that plan didn't really go anywhere, lmao.
(And as for Cal's little moment...keep that in mind. I may or may not try to write a little flashback scene of my own sometime in the future...😈 We hurt our characters because we love them, right??)
I really wanted to go for something that felt both childlike and unsettling. That's how irl criminals like Mad work a lot of the time; they make up stories about the people around them in their heads, and when those people inevitably don't still to said story, the aggressor thinks they have an excuse to flip out.
Sure, K.O. is shorter than Casey, but that doesn't change the fact that he's a defacto strong boi! His career is all about knowing how to throw a punch, after all...
HAHAHAHA YES MORE BADASS-PROTECTIVE MOMENTS FOR AZA!
Lmao that chair-attack was an EXACT reference to FNAF: TM! I think I re-watched that blooper like six times 🤣 Physics pale before MatPat's acting skills!
The tuna melt insult was actually inspired by that CHUCKY series from a few years ago (iykyk). I really liked it; it was one of the few times I got entertainment from someplace other than YouTube.
Don't worry; you will most certainly see more of both Phoenix and K.O. in the next snippet! Until then, I eagerly (but also patiently, because Self-Care is important. No rush at all, friendo) await your next comic!
You changed,
You haven’t
A follow up to our lovely collab with @wouldntyou-liketoknow, this is more of a flashback to kinda get into the relationship between Casey and Mad through Mad’s eyes. It may never erase what he’s done, but it may show a glimpse as to why he can’t seem to let Casey go.
Has always been, and always will be known as a monster, yet one soul decided to take a chance, to hold his hand and make him feel something more than just a monster. He was more in that person’s eyes, and he never wanted to let go of that feeling. The simple single touch of another who never views him as nothing more than a…
Shame he no longer can feel the touch.
@crazy-obsessed-enby @iswmperson @lexusinsannus @sammys-magical-au @wouldntyou-liketoknow @the-matpat-ever
He can only dream.
#art#comic#not mine#insane4fandoms#friendship#madpat#aftonpat#fnaf tm!henryemily#fnaf tm!phone guy#fanmade egos#casey clowes#coryxkenshin#coryxkenshin egos#cory williams#my writing#my stories#my fanegos#azalea/aza#rosanna pansino#nerdy nummies egos#caliban#caliban the cannibal#matpat#egopats#matthew patrick#K.O./kaiser oasis#ethan nestor#crankegos#crankgameplays#phoenix rhong
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Last year I wrote a story about a streamer who shrinks based on chat donations. I meant it as a one shot, but guys…. GUYSSSSS.
I think about this story ‘s universe a lot. I have lore notes just collecting dust and I need to share it or I might go absolutely mad XD Made these visuals charts to get the basics across but if you’re interested in my lore and semantic ramblings, feel free to read below the cut.
Consider this my unofficial pitch bible for Down Played.
General premise: Monica Diaz is Twitch streamer with steadily growing fan base. Her tag is MiniMushroom and her aesthetic is cottage core. She loves all things magical and tiny, especially toadstool mushrooms, that’s the image most associated with her “brand.” She’s approached by a mysterious benefactor who has developed technology specifically for Monica to test and utilize for her streams. It’s called Byte-Syzed Tech and it connects to a user’s twitch stream and based on the user’s preferences, gives the audience the ability to change the user’s height. The one shot I wrote takes place during Monica’s first live use of Byte-Syzed tech on stream. If I were to develop this into a full story I’d probably go back a bit and start around when Monica is first approached about using Byte-Syzed tech then continue to follow Monica adjusting to using Byte-Syzed more often. How she deals with the size change on camera, off camera, how her social and personal life are affected, all that good stuff. I think it would like a slice of life feel good kinda story.
Characters:
- Monica - Main character and primary user of Byte-Syzed tech. Surprisingly enough, she’s actually a law school grad who probably would have put her degree to use if she didn’t accidentally gain a massive following on twitch. Funny how life works out. She stands at 6’4 and always was fascinated with the idea of being small (Basically, she’s a g/t nerd who doesn’t know what g/t is) so being gifted Byte-Syzed and being able to use it on stream is kinda a dream come true.
- Kim - Monica’s girlfriend, roommate, and stream moderator. Kim and Monica were high school sweethearts but drifted apart in college due to personal matters in Kim’s life including having to drop out of college. Kim and Monica rekindled their relationship a few years later and Kim cites Monica and her encouragement as a big reason why she’s been able to get her life back together. She’s currently back in college working on getting her degree in Mathematics.
- The Twitch Team- Moni hosts solo streams but also very often collabs with three of her online friends. Ariel (@Lifeisthebubbles), a Vtuber who is the only one Moni has met in person. Corey (@McDonuts) an NB asmrist on youtube who started streaming games for fun. And Phin (@UrguyPhin) Corey's bf and the competitive gamer of the four. All three of them were streaming with Monica when she first used Byte-Syzed and have since gotten used to pausing their games so an ever shrinking Monica can adjust her set up.
- The Benefactors- Keeping their (Plural, there are two of them) exact identity to myself for the time being, but basically they’re mad scientists with the best intentions. Their antics have garnered attention across the internet as they have created and gifted inventions to up and coming online creators that seem to defy all laws of physics. Anti Gravity chambers, a literal money tree, a mask the morphs the wearer’s face, and now the Byte-Syzed size changing tech. Despite their inventions going viral, their identities have remained hidden. So what is their deal? They’re just big fans of these creators and for lack of drawing skills have gifted them weird inventions instead. Nerds… Due to the nature of Byte-Syzed and the possible effects it can have on the human body, Monica and Kim remain in close contact with them.
How Byte-Syzed Works in Universe: This I wrote tons of notes about when I first thought of the idea. Byte-Syzed can be divided into three key components; The program, the arm band monitor, and the sync suit.
The Program is installed on the user’s computer and connects directly to the arm band monitor and sync suit. The program has user friendly set up that allows the user to input the direction of height change (Shrink or Grow), The minimum or maximum height change, How height change occurs (By views, chat commands, donations, etc.), and rate of height change (How much height is gained or lost with each instance of viewer interaction.) EX: If height is based on donations, the user can set it up so they lose 1 inch for every 10 dollars donated. They can set the minimum height to 6 inches, so once they’ve received enough donations that they have shrunk down to 6 inches, Byte-Syzed will hold at that height. More donations may come in after, but the height will remain at 6 inches for the duration of the stream.)
The Arm Band Monitor, is the device the physically changes the user’s height after connecting to the Byte-Syzed Program. It also monitors and display’s the user’s current height and vitals. All data collected from the arm band will then be saved and can be referenced later if the band is connected to the computer. The arm band must be kept on at all times during active use and active reset of Byte-Syzed. Active use is the time in which Byte-Syzed is being used in a stream and the user’s height is actively changing. Active reset refers to time after the stream has ended and the user is either set at their new current height or in the process of returning to their normal height. After a stream has ended the user will remain at their changed height until they press the reset button on the monitor. Once the reset button is active, the user will return to their normal height at 1.5 times the amount of time it took to change to their current changed height. EX: A user has finished a stream that was 4 hours. They hit the reset button which will return them to normal over the course of 6 hours. (4x1.5=6) This only applies for time Byte-Syzed was in use, not how long a size change occurred. EX: If the user’s stream was 4 hours, but they reached their minimum height in 3 hours, the reset function will account for the 4 hours the stream lasted. This is a safety procedure to reduce stress on the user’s body. Note: If the reset button is not pressed, the user will remain at their changed height for a period of 12 hours. After 12 hours, the reset function will kick in automatically.
The Synchronized Suit or Sync Suit is directly connected to the Byte-Syzed program and will grow and shrink with the user at the same rate as the user. Normal clothing can be worn above it but they will not change size with the user, only the sync suit. The sync suit Monica received came with the suit, shoes, and a headset with a built in microphone to keep audio input even over the course of her size changing. More sync suits are in the process of being designed and produced, with the goal of making sync suits that resemble everyday clothing like t shirts or skirts.
Fun Story Ideas:
- Origin story. How Monica met the benefactors and was gifted Byte-Syzed, her and Kim’s gripes about using it, actually going through with it and the pros and cons she noticed, the end of her first size changing stream and dealing with being tiny in her own room and her girlfriend’s hands. Etc etc
- Monica finished a late night stream using byte Syzed and forgets to press reset when she goes to sleep so instead of growing back over the course of the night she wakes up at her tiny size. After realizing her mistake she begins the growth process but now has to do it while attempting to do her regular day time activities.
- Monica is approached by a doll company to collaborate on a new doll based on her, only issue, their studio is several hours away and they want her to model at both her full height and at the height of the dolls. After some consideration Monica and Kim decide to take a road trip to the studio and use Byte Syzed at the studio under Kim’s careful supervision. What could go wrong?
- Months have passed and Kim and Monica have grown well adjusted to the major size difference between them after Monica finishes a byte syze stream, however curiosity has gotten the best of her and Kim wonders what it would be like to be the tiny one for a change.
If you have read this far, you have my eternal gratitude. Thanks for reading this far, I really hope you liked it XD Maybe if time and motivation allows I can flesh the story out.
#didn’t get into it in the main text but#With Monica I really wanted to have a plus size character#My friend downsizedclab made a post about it a loooooong time ago and it really stuck with me#we totally deserve to have more body diversity in g/t stories#any ways#I love Moni so much#she’s been living in my head rent free for a while#and the semantics of how this tech works#I’ve had that written out before I wrote the initial one shot#in fact the original plan for the one shot included seeing Monica and Kim actually input the info into the program#but it was just basically 3 pages of characters doing math and filling out a form#I’m pretty sure y’all don’t want to read that#so I just jumped to fun size changing stuff#but I did write Monica’s shrinking to keep in line with the math I laid out for her#it’s all consistent#g/t#giant/tiny#gt#giant tiny#g/t fluff#g/t art#mighty draws#Down Played#Monica#Kim#g/t artist#gt artist#g/t writing#gt writing#mighty writes
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BNHA Ch. 429
So, I guess Toga is dead, and people are losing it.
I get why people liked her--she was actually queer, being pan/bisexual. She was representation for them and that's rare in shonen manga. But here's the thing--she was bad representation at best and insulting at worst. Nor do I think she was made queer because Hori really wanted to represent a queer girl. Himiko was always the author's poorly hidden fetish--she just was. She liked girls as much as boys because Hori wanted to draw a girl touching sexually on another girl. You can see this in how he draws her and Ochako in solo pics together.
I mean, people seem to understand this when it comes to Momo and her outfit being overly sexual or that both Himiko and Hagakure's Quirks either leave them naked or they have to be naked to use them. These are excuses to draw girls in a sexual manner. Himiko being into other girls is the same thing and that's the kindest interpretation.
Given how Himiko acts and her Quirk being heavily coded sexual desire, and therefore her use of it against someone unwilling being sexual assault, it could just being playing into harmful stereotypes of predatory gays.
As a queer person myself I just found Toga insulting. She was designed to be overly sexual and give the male author a female character that he could draw being suggestive with his other female characters. When he did flesh out her character, her backstory was eventually the trope/fear of straight people, that gay people will be so overcome with their lust that they end up sexually assaulting them.
In the end Ochako accepts this part of Toga and says she'll giver her blood forever, but as much as a lot of readers took that that as some deep lesbian confession, for me it really fell flat. Hori never really gave any of the main kids time to actually learn about their villain or show how that changed their minds toward them. Shoto only works because Touya is his brother (even though he admits he barely remembers him). But Ochako goes from not thinking of Toga at all pre-first war, to one thought about her during her speech, to suddenly caring about her so much she--given how Toga's quirk is coded, is willing to essentially fulfill Toga's kink for the rest of their lives.
It's weird and it comes out of nowhere. It's made even stranger because Toga doesn't actually change or show remorse for anything she did, which included personally hunting and murdering people before she joined the LOV. None of the death and destruction she is also partially responsible for is brought up either, something that Ochako was rightfully upset about during the first war when less people and property had been destroyed. Ochako just accepts everything about her suddenly and her past serious crimes are forgotten so they can cuddle and cry.
Am I shocked Toga died--a little. I didn't think Hori would have the guts to kill off a young girl character, especially one that he clearly got a lot of joy drawing in sexy poses. But at the same time, once he killed off Shigaraki and ended Touya's story with his slow death, I'm not surprised he went the same route with Toga.
This isn't Naruto--Hori isn't really kind to characters that do something wrong, especially if they don't try and change. Enji, Bakugo, Hawks, and Aoyama all sort of got punished for what they did. Enji is the worst off, being permanently crippled, missing an arm and burned everywhere. Bakugo's hand is damaged, his heart weaker, plus he feels bad that Izuku lost his Quirk so they can't compete the same way he wanted them to. Aoyama, despite doing way less wrong and even helping his class during the forest raid, still leaves school because he doesn't feel he earned being there yet. Hawks lost his Quirk and even though him running the HPSC could be seen as good for him, Hawks always wanted a break, but now he has one of the most time consuming and stressful jobs out there.
So, if this is what characters who actively did good things and even changed and fought to be better get, what would characters who never changed and never did anything positive for anyone but their friends/themselves get?
Before the last Arc started, when so many people said the LoV were 100% going to be redeemed I had doubts and always thought it wouldn't make sense with how the story presented redemption or treated other non-LoV villains in the past. That if the main LoV did get some happy ending where they were bffs with the main cast it would clash with how other characters had been treated.
That doesn't mean that I think how Shigaraki, Toga, and Touya ended up in the manga was well done. I think their endings fit far better then a last minute redemption would have, but at the same time you can feel how rushed everything has been since the end of the first war arc. Hori was done with this story months if not years ago, yet he was contractually obligated to finish it. Because of that I think he left out as much as possible. As much as I think he's written some pretty obsessive stuff, particularly towards women, I can't really fully blame him cutting corners or the story being shit at the end.
We know Manga authors, particularly those that work with Jump are treated like shit. That they suffer incredibly long hours at times not even getting to go home for days. We've gotten messages for Hori saying he's sick quite a few times. On top of that, weekly story telling is not a great way to tell a cohesive narrative. Ideas probably change week to week or at least month to month and you can't go back and change the last chapter no matter how much you need or want to. Then you remember he also gave a lot of ideas to the people who made the movies, which would also change his plans for how he wanted the main story to go.
The story is bad--it has been for a while, but I think a lot of people put their hopes on their favorite characters getting a happy ending, even when there were signs that probably wasn't going to be the case. I know how much it sucks when a character you love gets a shitty ending (Stain was my fav, but he got an absolute dogshit ending) but at least, knowing what I know about the industry I can't really blame Hori the way I see some other people doing. Criticize it, sure, but saying Hori hates his readers or is horrible writer isn't true. BNHA was popular for a reason--he's great with characters and the beginning of the story had some great pacing. We'll never know, but I wouldn't be surprised if BNHA could have been amazing if Hori had been treated better and the story hadn't needed a chapter every week.
If anything BNHA has taught me how much a story suffers when authors/artists are treated like crap and forced to work past burnout.
#bnha 429#bnha spoilers#bnha critical#bnha#idk i just feel bad for the guy#i think he's sexist as shit#but no one deserves to work under such bad conditions#and frankly idk how any weekly story turns out any good#especially when its gone on for so many years#like when you think about it the chapters aren't even real full chapters#they're like half or even a quarter of a chapter that you'd find in a book or monthly manga#of course you're your going to have an incoherent story when you write like that#I mean the only other thing written like that are some fanfictions#and those authors can and often do go back and edit things#heck I've seen some that go on hiatus with the specific purpose of overhauling the entire backlog of chapters to make it a better overall#and I think part of why BNHA is perhaps worse then other weekly shonen is because he had a lot he wanted to say#on top of trying to find things that kept him invested in a story he clearly was tired of writing#I mean Lady Nagnat is great example#he watched a movie and thought the female assassin character was cool and it got him excited to draw/write#so he shoehorned in this character that was really only there because she made the story more fun for him to write and draw for a while#like American comics aren't great either when it comes to consistency or coherent plots sometimes#but I do wonder if BNHA might have been better if Hori could have left a story bible and basic outlines of what his plans were#and then someone else could have worked on it instead#because he really didn't seem very into by the end of the first war arc#like I think he wished that had been the end#but it wasn't and he was really tired and burned out#and probably already working on fumes
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It's been more than 20 years and for some reason I feel that Gosho hasn't given Kaiao any development, how can more than 20 years pass and Aoko dynamics, relationship and feelings remain the same? At this point I feel like Gosho is just going to make them date because "they already liked each other" they remain in the same status quo
Hey, if we go by DC romance progress, they've been going too fast. We've already had suspicion of identity chapters, and that didn't happen until more than 400 chapters in DC. /j
Since heists have taken over any character development recently, I don't even know if Kaito and Aoko will even get any romantic progress. Maybe the actual identity confrontation will happen down the line, since that's thief drama, but atm, it really wouldn't surprise me if they only ask each other on a real date at the very end of the manga.
Like. I'm sure Gosho would love to make MK a love drama as well, but he writes MK so rarely, and usually as hype for something Kid related in other media. So the MK stories tend to be heavy on drama that can only take place at Kid heists. (To the point that the new chapters just. Use Kid as the plot device to show off a new character. Even Hakuba's never gotten so much 'look at this character being a detective' treatment in MK.)
-sighs- I just feel bad for MK as a series at this point. I like the characters, I like the general story idea, but. It's been going down a very steep hill with Gosho wanting things exciting, but not wanting any real progress in. Anything. But unlike old MK, the new stories aren't even nice standalone setpieces of story, they're... mundane. They could be high stakes, if you purely look at the scenarios on paper, but. We all know nothing's gonna happen to Kid. Nothing even happens to him when the actual bad guys show up, much less one-time antagonists.
We need actual character focus and development, not heist drama. Badly. Not even romance, though that'd be a nice change. Just any character expansion of our limited cast of characters. Gosho wants big, all the time, meaningless big stuff, when small would be so nice.
#And also he probably won't care to expand on KaiAo when he knows it's already canon#Like; not in the same way that ShinRan is canon endgame and he just needed to write it out#But in a 'I said these two were dating in another manga; they will exist even if I haven't written it'#And his story atm does feel like it could be left off with an ambiguous note on if they're together or not#And then just leave them dating in Yaiba for people who care about confirmation#MK is not in a stable enough state; I really don't know what he's planning with anything#And it's been so. -gestures to all the 'meaningless big stuff'- lately#I don't know if it'll ever get any shift in focus in the future#We barely get anything; all we have now is a new character people are divided about#And the tiniest continuity of Aoko thinking to herself that Kid is teasing her by reminding her of Kaito#Like; part of the problem is continuity as well; at least if Gosho wants to stick with DC-ish MK#MK has all the potential for callbacks or returning characters that could be interesting#But none of the potential that fans enjoy is ever /used/#We got all our KaiAo up front. We have suspicion arcs where it's barely mentioned that Kaito's proven his innocence in the past#They could go back to the amusement park and Aoko could mention the movie and Kaito can be sweating#Because he never saw the movie; that's then he peaced out to go heisting#There's so much. Gosho's good at adding potential to his story#But everything he comes up with to make canon ends up disappointing because he never fully uses any of it#He just adds more and more elements that go nowhere#MK is a mess that gets more and more fun to play around in; but the actual chapters are. Bad#Which might be for a reason similar to DC of we wait so long and get something extremely meh#Except instead of the months between DC cases; it's years for MK; and DC fans complain the entire time#So when MK fans are fed crumbs of... anything. It's just not as enjoyable as new content should be#(I got rambly in tags; sorry ;._. )
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You mentioned how actually endearing and compelling Justine/Verity and John/Shaun's bond is, and BOY I so agree with you. I don't see people talk about them often sadly, but I genuinely think it's one of the strongest parts of the game and its narrative (in particular John's character development itself, despite that he appeared pretty late in the story, his involvement in the final sequence was really tasty. "If I kill someone for revenge I'll end hurting people dear to me, so it all will be pointless" hmmm if there isn't a certain samurai guy in another game who needed to learn this as well... but I digress)
Prosecutor's Gambit's parent/child theme is a pretty heavy handed topic, but it's not like there aren't some really amazing parts in this whole deal! I kinda don't even care about the mastermind as much as I care about John (and Kate Hall for this matter)
THEY ARE SO IMPORTANT TO ME!!!!!! I think much of their appeal comes from Justine's shift in personality after her connection to John is revealed (like her joking about smashing Edgeworth's evidence with her gavel), but also every interaction of theirs is so sweet and lovely.
I love how protective they both are of each other, and it makes all the more sense when you take into consideration that Justine wasn't much older than a child herself when she decided to adopt him. I love how they take care to show that, yes, to an extent, they both do look after each other, but Justine is still very much his mother, and she does her job well. The scenes where she's strict with him are so deeply important to me. You know she studied parenting books and did everything she could to prepare herself for this life. And yeah, John is such a great kid!! Genuinely one of the best parent-child relationships in the series to me.
I found it kind of funny how every other relationship in AAI2 involved a dad HAHA It was so much, but I get it. They really wanted to make sure you got what they were going for, and hey, most people seem to like it. I really liked Gregory's segments, which was a welcomed surprise. I didn't expect to love him as much as I did. And, yeah, the mastermind stuff did not work for me. It's probably because I didn't trust Simeon from the moment I met him (their heavy handedness worked against them in his case for me. They were pushing the idea of him being meek and unassuming too hard; I clocked it immediately as a red herring); but even the overall reveal and final confrontation were, like... eh. okay, then. HAHA The best parts of the game for me were those character interactions with the side character. Wasn't really paying attention to whatever was going on with Simeon and the president, but John, Justine, Sebastian, Katherine, Gregory, and Raymond? My actual world.
Also taking this opportunity to share all the screenshots I took of John and Justine <3 :
#i feel like some people have misinterpreted what i meant by 'telling' in the original post. i didnt mean to imply the father relationships#were badly written just that i resonate more with mum and child relationships whdisgdk#asks for the notebook#thank you for the ask!! idk what to say about justine and john because like. everything about them is wonderful. just look at them. how can#you not adore them. they're everything.#i feel like aai2 kind of tries to do too much personally. im not big on the twist villain who was planning everything from behind the scene#this whole time they come across very cartoon character to me (and simeon is definitely like that. i dont find him interesting or menacing#at all he kind of bored me sorry simeon fans) and i think it would have benefitted from having fewer characters or threads they were trying#to follow. i think the point was to feel like everyone and every interaction was importnat but it felt more like they would bring up whoeve#was convenient to bring up when the situation called for it to me. but i still really enjoyed my time with it. the writing for the side#characters was very fun i had a good time <3#freya talks aai2#justine courtney#john marsh#verity gavelle#shaun fenn#<- tagging so i can find my screenshots#long post
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Veering Off Course
(2,305 words)
Gregory and his family get a call that Vanessa, whos in a different state for college, has gotten hurt. Gregory calls Evan, and Evan is able to use the things he's learned about himself since meeting Gregory to help his friend with his emotions regarding the situation.
Its early in the morning on a Saturday when Evan gets the call. It woke him up, so all he does is blink groggily and swipe at the screen blindly while propped up on his elbow until his thumb hits 'answer' on his phone. "Hello?"
"Evan." It's Gregory, and the serious tone to just that single word clears up Evan's brain as fast as lightning. He scrambles to prop himself into sitting up and rubs at his eyes with one hand.
"Gregory?" Evan asks, looking at the little icon he set for Gregory's contact of a picture of Evan and him at an amusement park. "Is everything okay?"
It takes a second for Gregory to respond, and it causes the anxiety that had steadily began to bubble inside of him to surge. "Gregory?"
"Sorry." Gregory finally answers. "I-- Uh... can you..." His friend struggles for words, and Evan tries to be as patient as possible as it becomes clearer every second something is wrong. "Can you come over? Like right now?"
Evan flounders for words for a second, but manages to force his mouth to say, "Of course."
"Okay." Gregory replies, and a surge of worry shoots through his chest when Gregory sounds like he might cry. He takes a breath on the other end, then, "Please hurry."
After that, Evan only lingers enough to respond with a short confirmation and goodbye before hanging up the phone. It takes him record time to shoot out of bed, sling on some shoes, and get down the street a few houses to Gregory's own.
His mind had played multiple awful scenarios of what terrible thing could have happened the entire time, but his worry does not ebb when he makes it to the porch and knocks on the door to a teary eyed Gregory.
Evan's immediately herded inside. Freddy has his phone in his hand pressed up against his ear, and he's pacing around the room. Aunt Chica and Aunt Roxy sit in the living room. Bonnie is sat in a dragged-over dining chair by Freddy and frowning.
It's dead silent in the house; even the TV and seemingly endless energy flowing through and causing bustling noise is snuffed out to nothing. Evan watches as everyone sits completely seriously and quiet, hands held in their lap or thrumming against something.
Impatience, is what Evan first thinks of. They're waiting for something. News, maybe? Freddy is on the phone. It's so silent you could hear a pin drop. Or somebody else's phone vibrate.
Evan's dread and anxiety only get worse when Gregory shuts the door behind him and tugs on him a bit. Evan follows without struggle, thousands of words and questions on his tongue when Gregory leads him to one of the unoccupied seats in the living room; a loveseat.
He sits down with him, and Gregory's face is scrunched up in barely restrained worry. Evan watches his friend, who's been an anchor for himself for so long, tremble and hunch in on himself. "Gregory?"
Gregory's eyes dart to him, and Evan leans down, hunching forward with his elbows rested on his thighs like theyre their own personal bubble. Evan's own brows furrow, and he feels the familiar thickness in his throat just at watching his friend be upset.
Evan grabs at his hand, squeezing it tight and lacing their fingers together. "I'm really worried, Gregory... please tell me whats wrong." Evan pleads. "Please?"
Gregory nods unsurely after a moment, and Evan watches him swallow thickly before turning to him fully. "Dad got a call from the University of Oregon today."
Evan's brows raise, but he nods to keep going. The University of Oregon is the college Gregory's sister, Vanessa, had left home to go attend. Evan hasnt gotten the chance to meet her, yet. She's already been gone two years strong, with a seemingly bright future. Evan's heard Gregory and his family talk about her enough to know her talents.
Gregory's breath hitches, and Evan wraps his other hand around Gregory's, the one he already has ahold of. He sandwiches it in-between his own and hopes it's enough comfort.
"Somebody called us and told us Vanessa got into a car crash today. On campus."
It's like a bucket of ice water is poured on Evan's head. His feet go cold, and his eyes widen to saucers. Fear shoots like an arrow through his stomach. When he stops reeling from the news, he watches Gregory begin to shake and lose the carefully gathered composure he'd put up since Evan arrived.
"They said..." Gregory's brows are furrowed so much it looks like it hurts. Theres a clench in his jaw and a wetness to his eyes Evan isnt used to. "They said she's already been taken to the hospital and is in surgery." He frowns, and theres a twist in his lip that Evan is so familiar with. "They... a-all we can do is wait. They told us they'd let us know any updates."
The house is thrown back into such jarring silence after Gregory stops talking that Evan's ears start ringing. Which makes it clear as day when Gregory's breath turns harsh beside him.
Evan tears his eyes away from the floor and ignores the twisting feeling in his chest to look at his friend. He has his face buried in the hand that isnt held by Evan and is shaking in a way where you can tell theyre trying so hard to keep it together. Gregory's angled away from him, but Evan can see the panic on his face even from where he can see.
Evan's breath hitches, and the thickness in his throat begins to turn into burning as he scootches closer to Gregory on the couch and sets a hand on his shoulder. He tugs a bit until Gregory gets the message and let's him wrap his arms around his middle and hold him close.
Gregory makes some sort of horrible, upsetting hitching noise that causes the dam to break for Evan, before he sort of flops against him and brings up his own arms to clutch at his T-Shirt. Gregory's head thumps against his shoulder, and it's one of the only times Evan really becomes aware of the height he has on his friend.
"Its okay..." Evan says into Gregory's shoulder, because it's all he knows to do in the moment. He glances around and sees that Gregory's family has shifted to the dining room, leaving them alone. Evan finally feels the tears slip from his eyes as he presses closer, hugging him like his life depends on it. "Its okay, Gregory. It'll be okay."
"It's--" Gregory says, and Evan can hear how much his voice shakes with barely contained tears. "Its not. I can't-- We can't even go see her. We can't go and wait for her to wake up, or anything... we just have to--" He cuts himself off, and Evan feels Gregory shake harshly against him.
"We just have to sit here." Gregory says, voice thick. "I dont know what to do, Evan. I don't know what to do."
And its only that sentence that causes Evan to grapple at what to do, if his friend can't. And all he can think about is how himself would react if it were Gregory getting hurt.
All he'd be able to do is cry, he realizes. He wouldnt be able to do anything. Just wait and be scared.
But that's what Gregory is getting at, isnt he? He can't do anything. That's the thing. Evan has known Gregory long enough to get him. To know, him. Evan knows that Gregory doesnt sit around and cry like Evan does. He prefers to get up and do something about whatevers wrong.
Hes a problem solver instead of waiting around. A fighter instead of a crier. No wonder hes so bent out of shape about this. To have a loved one in danger, and when you're so used to getting up and making a plan to fix a problem and are forced to sit in standby...
Evan eases them down against the cushion of the couch, not once untangling themselves from eachother. Gregory shakes, but he does not cry. "So what would you do if you could?"
The hair from Gregory's bangs brushes against Gregory's neck as he moves his head. "I'd... I don't know. I'd at least try to get to her." Gregory says, voice unbelievably quiet. "At least get to her. Then figure it out from there. Just so I'm not waiting on phone calls."
Evan nods against him, his chin scrunching up Gregory's hair. His tears have long since stopped falling, but he knows he has dry tracks on his cheeks. "You have a plan."
Gregory makes some sort of noise that would sound like a snort in any other circumstances. "I would if I could." Gregory replies, squeezing his arms a bit tighter. "But I cant" He sighs, shuddering and heavy. "I just have to wait."
Evan hums. "You're worried, and you're stressed." He makes the same noise Gregory just did. "I know how you feel... I really do. Maybe not your exact situation, but... I get what it's like to feel helpless." He says. "You know what I would do?"
Gregory hums this time, questionative. Evan rubs circles into his back. "I'd sit there and wait, and wish for it to different. And when it wouldnt be, I'd cry."
Gregorys head shifts against that crook between Evan's chin and chest, almost like hes trying to look him in the eye but the hug prevents him from being able.
"All I ever did was cry." Evan says when Gregory doesnt respond. "Its the only thing that I could do to cope."
"...So..." Gregory asks, and his voice is thick again. "You mean..."
"You're stressed." Evan answers. "You're stressed and you're worried. So... why dont you let it out?"
Evan, out of anyone, knows how valuable emotions can be. He didnt, once upon a time. When everyone would just tell him how annoying it is. How useless it is. How he's asking for it. How he should have toughened up by now. When instead of comfort, he'd receive ridicule and prodding.
That's changed. Ever since a certain someone entered his life. He doesn't think of his emotions, himself so little anymore. So worthless. So maybe that's why Gregory perks up ever so slightly in understanding.
And that's all it takes.
Gregory's trembling turns into shoulder shaking sobs like the snap of a finger. He cries, open and unadulterated, and Evan just hugs him close and rubs his back, offering reassurances like Gregory has done for him so many times.
His own eyes burn when his best friends sobs are heard so openly and he can feel every shudder of his body. Evan's chin scrunches, and the tears fall right along with Gregory as Evan hugs him close, tucking his face into his hair.
"Im--" Gregory cries. "I-Im just so worried about her."
"I know." Evan responds, his own voice breaking as he pets Gregory's hair. His shirt is damp with tears but he doesnt care. "Itll be okay. It'll all be okay."
They stay like that for a while, and Evan can tell Gregory needs it. He needs it. The worry he felt that morning doesnt ever really leave, and it stays ever-present as Evan watches his friend fall apart. They stay stuck together like magnets, eventually only shoulder to shoulder with linked hands on the loveseat, and none of Gregory's family try to peel them apart when they eventually wander back into the living room.
They stay in a state of constant agonizing limbo all day. At 8:00pm, Freddy calls it a night. Gregory protests immediately, but Aunt Roxy calms him down almost seamlessly and convinces him to go to bed.
Of course, Evan follows him. He cant imagine a world where he doesnt. The air mattress stays deflated in Gregory's closet as it has been most of the time nowadays. All Evan has to do is kick his shoes off since he left home in his pajamas anyway and they're wrapped around eachother, tucked in Gregory's bed under his comforter in the dark.
Gregory is silent all throughout the night, even though Evan knows he's awake. Evan just hopes that... he did the right thing. Something knows is that suppressing how you feel isnt good. It never works. No matter how much you want it to.
Gregory taught him that. He just wants to return the favor. Not because he owes Gregory, no. Gregory has long since hammered it into Evan's thick skull that he has nothing to pay him back for. That his kindness is not a deed to Evan, but rather that Evan himself deserves to be treated kindly.
Gregory does, too. Evan knows this with all his heart. Gregory is his best friend and has done more for him than anyone else ever has.
Evan... all Evan did was change. Change for the better. And hopefully he helped the most important person in his life with the things he learned. The things that person taught him.
He hugs Gregory's middle a little tighter, not daring to break the silence. Gregory needs time, but doesn't want to be alone. Evan understands. He does. He just hopes to convey what he truly feels through the one action.
Thank you. I'm here for you. I'll always be here. You're my best friend. I'm so glad you trust me. I trust you as well. So much.
Gregory himself wraps his arms tighter around Evan in turn, and Evan feels like the single movement lso has a deeper meaning he cant read.
They dont speak. They just lay in silence until eventually they fall asleep, stuck together like two puzzle pieces.
ao3 link
#this oneshot is mostly just to focus more on gregorys character and how i imagine him (not headcanon#his actual canon character) to handle problems.#ive always seen gregory as instead of letting fear/emotions take over#he pushes past to get a task done/fix whatevers wrong. so i wanted to translate that into the flashlight duo universe with the emotional/pr#especially because of how important emotions are to evans growth and how gregory is the reason for that growth#and i also just wanted to finally write a bit of evan helping gregory since ive written so much vice versa.#i needed something for gregory to be super worried over and well. this universe is already family centric. poor vanessa.#its a normal ass world okay theres not much i can do#vanessa is okay btw.#the next day theyre supposed to get news about surgery and recovery and plan to go on a road trip to oregon to see her while she recovers#(i actually already wrote some of it but cut it out because i didnt like where it was going.#just veered (ha) too far away from the core of the fic)#so you can imagine that happening.#anyways hope you enjoyed! still need a better idea to showcase evan helping gregory but i think this is okay for now.#i have some other plans for this duo (as always) having to do with love languages so im excited about that.#lets see how long itll take me to actually write it lol#pandas writes#my fics#flashlight duo#flashlight duo oneshots#gregory#evan#the fazbears#oneshot#kinda feel like this is cringe#but whatever im cringe and im free two cakes etc#not my favorite work ive done but whatever#its okay
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