#I have many MANY thoughts about today's update. by far the best one I should say

[hajimedics]

I'M NOT YOUR DOLL AND I'LL THINK FOR MYSELF AND I'LL LIVE FOR MYSELF

[medra-gonbites]

The Wizard Who Read Everything

Chapter 1

I have read a few fanfictions about Gale reading smut and getting flustered and I absoluetly love it! So many great ones out there and I wanted to contribute to the genre.

Here is my attempt: I hope you enjoy my take.

Pairing: Gale x Named Fem!OC

SFW - Humour, Meet Cute, Meta

Words: 2823

The wizard had struggled to find an apprentice for quite some time. When he finally does, he find himself quite intrigued by his new hire. It is not appropriate but he can't help think about her. The racy literature that she writes as a hobby does not help. Neither does the fact that he reads in secret...

Gale opened his eyes wide as he read on, the content quite different from what he had expected. The piece told the story of a wizard advisor and a king's daughter, of their forbidden love and of their dangerous desires. A sultry piece with romantic overtones, and wicked descriptions. His eyebrow shot up as his eyes descended on the page. The writing was skilled and the story captivating, but it is the smutty premises which dried out his mouth and made him shift onto his seat. The wizard tried to convince himself to stop, to put down the Wazoo and go back to his more serious research. He knew he should spend his time better. Study some scholarly tome, decipher some lost glyphs, update his astronomical charts. Clean up the library even. But he could not tear himself away from the page.

Read the rest on AO3 or under the cut

Gale Dekarios was usually a patient man. 

He was many things in fact. An archmage. A prodigy of the weave. Ex-chosen of Mystra. Quite the handsome devil, he would argue. A collected scholar of an easy going temperament. But today his composure was eroded by weeks of frustrating interviews and disappointing meetings. 

He just needed someone smart and pragmatic. Was that so much to ask? Someone who would be able to help him maintain the tower and aid during experiments from time to time. Someone he could teach his magic to and hopefully impact in a positive way. Someone to soothe the loneliness of his wizardly routine…

He had originally consulted with Rolan, exchanging letters between here and Ramazith’s Tower. Who better than him to advise on how to seek an apprentice. Alas, the fellow mage had no recommendations to give, his own compound being short on staff as well, but he had, however, gracefully provided guidance on how to advertise and recruit applicants.

After having researched the matter of job listing thoroughly, Gale had come up with a clever (he thought) advertisement that he had written himself and which he believed would bring him loads of potential recruits. Tara had distributed it  around all of the relevant spots in Waterdeep. He had made sure to cover the best spots in town for the widest exposure possible with a preference to the location of magical inclination. The Blackstaff Academy information board of course, most of the decent taverns’ quest boards, the entrance hall of the Watchful Order of Magists and Protectors. A couple had even been stacked on the counters of The Bazaar of Chanszobur. 

So far only a handful of applicants had come knocking on his doors, and none of them were nearly adequate enough to be given the job. 

He was now in the midst of the last rounds of the interview and was positively exhausted. On the verge of giving up, even. He was pacing in his study like a lion in a cage, dreading to confront the last candidate of that godforsaken day. Almost tempted to dismiss them without giving it further thought. After all, why would this one be any different than the one he had the displeasure to meet earlier?

First, he had received a young Dwarf who insisted he could cast a fire ball; in an attempt to prove it he had set fire to the wizard’s beloved Calimshan rug. A gift from Gale’s mother, which he loved dearly and, which softness his feet would mourn the loss. 

Then, he had listened to this very pompous High Elf for an hour before realizing the woman was actually looking for him to invest in a multi-layered business opportunity revolving around the sales of magical cosmetics. He hated that he had taken him so long to figure this one out. But not as much as he hated the fact that he had still bought some ridiculously overpriced Lashes of Charming in the end.

Finally, there had been that Tiefling who smelled of anchovies and who tried to aggressively (and without success) flirt their way into the job. Gale's usual decorum was put to a test when the fellow had tried to shove his tongue down his throat, and despite resisting the urge to scorch his face, he had sent them out with the feet of his projection up his nether area.

To think these were merely the ones of that day. He had received many more people over the weeks, all of them terrible profiles: underqualified, rude, dim-witted and sometimes even downright nasty. Frankly this whole endeavor had been a disaster and the mage was starting to believe he might never find someone suitable for his purpose.  

In retrospect, maybe it was his own fault. He wasn’t a writer, although he sometimes dabbled in a bit of poetry, and he was never much of the type to manage people either. He started to think his listing was not good enough or not targeting the right crowd. As he had been many times before, he felt submerged by a wave of self-doubt that pushed him to second-guess himself at the least convenient time.

Gale tried to shake it off. One more interview and he would be able to descend into the self-loathing spiral he knew so well. He would resign himself to work alone as he had done so in the past, hoping his former companions in arms would take the time to visit eventually. He took a deep, long inspiration, bracing himself for the last ordeal of the day, and made his way downstairs. 

The entrance hall had been temporarily fashioned into a sort of waiting room. There, on one of the chairs that formed a row by the door, a human woman was waiting. She was a little younger than him, wearing a plain wizard robe, her eyes lingering around, taking in the decor available to her sight. Her hair was thrown into a messy bun from which rebellious strands escaped to fall back into her brow and neck or stick in the air like some split-ended antennae. The rim of her left sleeves was slightly singed (the mark of an experienced, albeit somewhat clumsy, spellcaster.)

When she saw him she smiled wide and Gale could not help but smile back despite the disillusioned bleakness that lingered within his heart. Her enthusiasm was much more contagious than the performative perkiness of the fish-tainted Tiefling who had gone before her. 

“Hello!”  He greeted her, holding his hand out for her to shake. “Gale Dekario, pleasure to meet you…”

“Hi! I am Marina. Marina Rassos” She replied, giving his palm a firm squeeze.

Gale raised an eyebrow at the ridiculous name. Was he being pranked?

“I know, I know…” She said, nodding in acknowledgement to his reaction, “My parents realized way too late... Rest assured, just like my namesake, I’ll remain tasteful in any circumstances.” She chuckled.

Despite his best effort Gale could not hold the little amused exhale that escaped his nose. A jokester. That was interesting. Although, so had been the pyramid scheme Elf, at first…

“Hopefully you’ll be the last spaghetti I have to throw at the wall.” He gestured for her to follow him to his library on the upper floor, “I have a few questions and tests I screen my applicants with so: If you would please follow me?” 

The library was a place of wholesome chaos. There were books and scrolls on almost every surface, be it the desks, the floor or the seats. Alchemy ingredients scattered loose without jars or labels so that there was no way to tell if they were spoiled, venomous or just plain litter to an unfamiliarized eye. Maps and astronomical gears were abandoned on a little table by the balcony door, heaped on a precarious pile that threatened to tip over with the slightest draft of wind. It looked like a tornado had ravaged the place. 

It was perfect.

“I trust that you are acquainted with the intricacies of the weave? If only partially?”

“Yes sir! I am, in fact, a graduate from Blackstaff Academy.” She proudly declared before adding, "Although this would be my first “magic-related” job.”

The wizard frowned slightly. He was impressed by her education but something in the math of her life did not add up.

“You are a bit older than most graduates aren’t you? But I suppose merely getting into Backstaff is impressive enough. Not an easy school to attend.”

“Precisely why I graduated so late…” She admitted bitterly.

Although Gale tried not to judge, this new piece of information was a little worrisome.  He darted a sad eye towards the burned marks of his rug.

“Please take a seat. I will prepare some tests for you.” He decisively declared, pointing at the nearby couch on which several pieces of paper were strewn .

Marina seized a few books and leaflets off of the bench and proceeded to sit. Among the literature she had picked up, she noticed the latest special tenday edition of the Waterdeep Wazoo. With a proud smile she opened the journal and started flicking through the pages.

Gale returned a few minutes later, carrying a few files, beakers and quills. Upon noticing what she was reading he scoffed.

“Don’t tell me you read this kind of rags!”

Marina defensively pressed the paper against her chest.

“This is a perfectly fine newspaper!”

“Oh I’m sure it used to quite be fine. But the current editorial line is focussed on gossip and unnecessary quips!”

“Well, I take it you read it too? It’s in your library after all.”

“I'll have you know my Tressym, Tara, is the one to indulge in such… literary void.”

“She’ll be happy to know I contribute to feeding the void; one of my stories has been published in this very print!”

“You write for them?” His intonation was incredulous, “I find it most interesting that you have an inclination towards poetry and prose but am altogether saddened by the fact you choose such a horrendous platform to display your talents.”

“Maybe you are right. But in the meantime I am having fun! Isn’t that the point of anything we do?”

This was a rather philosophical way to look at it and a good come back to his overly critical comment. Who was he to question her skills or decisions for that matter, when both were the reasons she had shown up for this job offer. This thought brought him back to the former worry he had entertained. Maybe he could (and should) ask for feedback, given the competences she clearly had and that he did not. 

“As a writer… What did you think of the job listing?” He sheepishly asked.

She frowned slightly, taken aback. Gale wasn’t sure if it was by the question or by his sudden insecurity shining through.

“Honest truth?”

“Yes…”

She took out the leaflet from the side pocket of her robe and reread it quickly before highlighting the problematic parts out loud. 

“ ‘Learn mysteries of magical nature’ No fee mentioned, and very vague description. ‘Should be comfortable around strange creatures, ancient books, and odd smells; Expect the unexpected & long hours’ mention of overtime and unpleasant tasks? Not encouraging. Last but not least: ‘Be the apprentice to a wizard of reasonable acclaim!’, while your humility is commendable, next time maybe specify the name of the wizard the postulant would be assisting. For all I knew I was being screened by Halaster Blackcloak…”

Gale remained speechless, feeling called out and a tad embarrassed. He had worked hard to seem carefree, approachable and relaxed. He May have overdone it…

“Why did you answer it then? If it sounded as ludicrous as to emanate from that dear old Halaster?” He retorted, a bit wounded by the notes he had himself asked for and by the indirect comparison with the insane wizard.

“Call it a gamble.” She shook the paper before her, “I thought this was full of good intentions. Besides, going to an interview does not mean getting the job. Or taking it for that matter.”

Gale pondered some more. He never looked at it that way. He too was being interviewed as much as she was. He had not had to concern himself with that before, given all previous interviews had been fiascos. But this one, he had a good feeling about. She certainly was the first interviewee to have enough wits to entertain a minimum of conversation without falling into a sales pitch, lascivious flirting, or an immolation attempt. Gale hoped he had not made a bad impression, what with his judgemental comments and his naive advertisement. 

After a moment of silence, Marina placed the newspaper on the coffee table and turned eagerly to him, pointing at the documents in his hands.

“Shall we?”

----------------------------------------------------------

After an array of tests including a quiz, a few practical spell casting tricks and a surprise exam, the wizard could sense the irritation growing in his applicant. He turned to her with a wide smile hoping the following news would be enough to tame her discontent. 

“Alright, you have jumped through enough of my magical hoops for now; I think you are suitable for the job!” He thought back to her comment about accepting the job and added, “If you still want it, of course. You might have already caught a glimpse of how… Difficult, I can be to work with.

“Thorough for sure…” Her sigh betrayed a smudge of exhaustion in her otherwise jolly demeanor. However her wide smile returned soon enough as she resumed “But I’d be delighted to. When do I start?”

“If you are free, tomorrow morning. Should we say 9 o’clock?”

“Perfect! I’ll be there at 9:00 sharp.”

She shook his hands fervently and bowed slightly before departing. Gale took a step towards the door in an attempt to walk her back but she shook her head, declining politely. 

“Don’t trouble yourself; I will see myself out.”

Gale watched her leave, contemplatively. She had potential for certain. With the right guidance she could become a great mage. He would hope their collaboration could benefit both of them. Then again, this interview was further than he ever had been with any other applicant, so it remained to be seen in the long run. This was also the first time he would have an apprentice at all, therefore he definitely had some learning to do too.

He quietly returned to his chair and picked up a volume he was currently working on. He opened the large book and started to study the over complicated diagrams drawn on the page. After a few minutes, he took notice of his lack of focus: he had been reading the same bits over and over, his thoughts hopelessly drifting back to his new apprentice. He wondered about her background, her personality, her quirks… Her hobbies. His eyes drifted from the book to the newspaper on the coffee table. Maybe reading what she wrote would help him get to know her a little better. 

But such an ignoble thing to read… 

He scowled himself, annoyed by his own snobbism. Maybe he was over intellectualising things after all. With a sigh, he closed the voluminous book on his lap, picked up the magazine and flipped through its pages seeking Marina's column. He finally found it between a carrot cake recipe and an advertisement for a new firework shop in town. “Quality placement…” He mocked.

Gale opened his eyes wide as he read on, the content quite different from what he had expected. The piece told the story of a wizard advisor and a king's daughter, of their forbidden love and of their dangerous desires. 

A sultry piece with romantic overtones, and wicked descriptions. 

His eyebrow shot up as his eyes descended on the page. The writing was skilled and the story captivating, but it is the smutty premises which dried out his mouth and made him shift onto his seat. 

The wizard tried to convince himself to stop, to put down the Wazoo and go back to his more serious research. He knew he should spend his time better. Study some scholarly tome, decipher some lost glyphs, update his astronomical charts. Clean up the library even. But he could not tear himself away from the page. He was hypnotised by all the enticing words on the paper. It was as if a spell had been cast on him, binding his rear to the chair and his eyes to the ink. 

After a little more than half an hour he had reached the bottom of the last page. His breath was ragged, his eyes hazy, his legs crossed, stretching on their own accord punctually. Reading through the last sentence he let out a frustrated groan.

"A cliffhanger? Really?" He fussed.

He was surprised by the sudden spurt of irritation he was experiencing and how it was directed at the unfinished story. He would have to get the new edition the next week, wait for Tara to finish reading it and pray that there wouldn’t be another trick such as this one. 

He leaned back, pensively, the story replaying in his mind. It was hard to believe such a meek and innocent-looking girl could write something so seductive. So bold. So crude.  

Almost despite himself, a thought crept up in his mind: what would she really be capable of in real life…? 

The question sent a shiver down his spine and he immediately suppressed the pictures his imagination was attempting to feed him. Better shut it down at once. She was his apprentice. He was her teacher. And he had literally just hired her. There was no room for such thought.

Still, Gale found himself excited at the idea of having her coming in daily and he hoped her new job would not get in the way of her creative spirit.

Read the next part in Chapter 2

[fanfic-the-wish-your-heart-makes]

Chapter 5 of Revenge Can Hurt More Than the Person It's Aimed at (Nygmobblepot x Reader)

<-previous chapter

Chapter 5: The Talk About Oswald and Ed, and Continued Bathroom Thoughts Word count: 4366 Author's note: This is the chapter I've been looking forward to for the longest time since getting the idea for this fic 🥰🥺 (well, I split it up because otherwise it would take longer for you to get an update)

No additional warnings:)

Look at this picture I edited 😊 You readers look good on it 😉😂 _________________

When Ed finally heard your voice, serious and distraught, you didn't even greet him but come right to the point, "Ed, you have to tell me what happened between you and Oswald." He gasped. "Whatever it is..." What could he? Telling you of his plans would be unwise: unlike Oswald and him, you were against murder and torture in most cases, so both criminals had tried to shield you from this side of their jobs as best as they could.

One time you'd overheard a call from Victor Zsasz with chilling background noises that even Oswald would've wished weren't so loud through the phone and afterwards Ed had assured you that the person being tortured deserved it, only for you to get even more concerned because you asked yourself what they could've possibly done to deserve this. Eventually it had been Oswald who managed to console you by telling you how many people could die if this person didn't share crucial information.

Yes, telling you more than you needed to know would only do unnecessary harm. Ed couldn't talk about the whole Isabella thing on the phone. What else could he tell you?

"Ed?" You sounded anxious. "Yes?" Not far away from him, you made sure that no one could overhear this personal talk, "The thing that made Oswald so sad?" "Oh. Right. Uhm..." He didn't continue, so you explained, "The interview was a disaster, a-and I can tell you that it didn't have to do with anyone present, at least that wasn't the main reason, I mean, Margaret Hearst was sort of rude but..."

So you had been there. Ed wondered what that might mean for his plans: you'd no doubt supported Oswald but at least the interview had still exposed the mayor's true feeelings. Ed was too distracted by your tone to concentrate on that. He could hear how desperately you needed to know the truth. Were you crying? He wished he could see your face.

You started pacing. "It's not as if his mother's death day was around this time, right? Also, b—" "Yes, that would be in-apologies, I interrupted you." "Don't worry." You admired his good memory but right now you wanted to find out how you could help Oswald, preferably with your voice still intact or well, at least intact enough for Ed to hear you clearly.

You stepped away from City Hall's big entrance and paced back and forth near the bottom of the stairs, the light sandy wall shielding your from anyone walking out this way. "A-anyways, business seemed to be okay, at least as mayor he was cheered on just a few days ago..." Your voice was uneven but still far better than Oswald's today. Ed took notice of it, thinking it more likely that it was due to your concern and not for example a cold.

Could he tell you about the fake love confession? Probably not, after all, he needed to make Oswald miserable for this plan to work and he couldn't have you working your magic on the other man. He tapped on his phone and clenched and unclenched his other hand. If both were free, he'd be shaking them nervously. "Ed? Please." You were definitely sad, maybe crying, Ed decided. "Yes! Uhm, well...I think you already listed a lot of reasons."

He started walking; perhaps movement would help him come up with an appropriate theory or lie to tell you. He looked at the sunlit trees and the building Oswald must still be in and went a little closer but still far away enough from the entrance so you wouldn't see him should you be there.

Meanwhile you were tired of being stuck in the same place as before the call. Ed had to know something! "Please, Edward, be honest with me. Oswald is..." Your sight blurred from tearing up. "He's not just in a bad mood because of the interview. I-in case you haven't heard of it — of course you didn't, you were busy — uhm, he...told everyone that he doesn't care about the citizens of Gotham and in an, uh, aggressive tone no less. But that's not my main concern. He's miserable! Has been miserable ever since you left. I think." Explaining was getting harder and harder for you.

Your sniff could be heard through the phone. Ed automatically took a few steps towards the building you were presumably in. "I told you I need to be alone to grieve." "Yes, of course." You felt a little guilty about momentarily forgetting Isabella's death, yet still had the feeling that Ed wasn't telling you everything. "But he doesn't just miss you. You two haven't even talked, now have you? He recently asked how you were doing..." Oswald had phrased it in a way that could make you assume he merely hadn't had the time, yet you left that out, certain that it had been his way of hiding his lack of communication with Ed.

Ed's pace grew faster. Oswald had asked you about him? Even when he knew that he had no chance with him? He instincively stepped closer to the road in front of the large stairs.

You only heard faint footsteps through the phone. Was Ed outside too? It didn't matter unless he was here to make things right. Why didn't Ed say anything?! Maybe he's in a dangerous neighborhood. You immediately felt sorry. He better take care of himself. Oswald being down is bad enough. You decided to give him a break and take a moment to think.

Oswald had claimed Ed had left due to criminal business. At first you believed him, then doubts started to fill your brain when it became clear that they weren't talking anymore. Still, you'd let them be, after all, who knew, maybe Ed had to pretend that he'd broken ties with the King of Gotham so he could gain their enemies' trust.

Fittingly enough, Ed had been busy pretty frequently. Busy and strange... When he talked with you over the phone, his voice carried more melancholy than when he'd been grieving at the mansion, and there was something else in it, a sort of anger that you sometimes felt was directed at the place you often slept in...or its inhabitants...or more precisely: Oswald.

Nevertheless, you'd given Ed the benefit of the doubt because after all, what could possibly destroy this friendship? What could make Oswald as devastated as today? Ed heard you crying. Think, think think think. Your friend needs your support too, not just the other way round! Your uneven breathing coming through the phone distracted him while you recollected today's events.

Oswald had had blood on his white shirt and not even denied it! Whether it was his or not, he'd said things: that he needed to go and...what had he whispered repeatedly? You hadn't fully taken in the words then. That someone should wait for him. "..., wait!" Farther, father... "Father, wait!" "I have to go." Oh no. "Ed?" "Yes!" You didn't want to make presumptions about Oswald but you'd share them with Edward if it meant getting information to help Oswald.

"Tell me." "Uh, maybe you could ask him first?" he attempted. You leaned your back against the stone wall. "Ed, I'm ser-" your voice broke, "serious." Ed felt his nails dig into his palms, he forced himself to walk to battle the stress. If listening to your worries was painful, then how were you feeling? "If he hasn't told you, then perhaps he can't talk about it yet. So I'd say it's best if we just-" "-I think he wants to die." "What?! H—" You burst into tears and Ed fell silent, only hearing your sobbing.

You let the tears spill and leaned more heavily on the wall to the right of the stairs, breathing irregularly and not caring about the blurred world around you anymore. Your assumption wasn't even an exaggeration! You began sinking down and could only stop your clothes from touching the pavement at the last second. At that you let out a tired snivel and didn't bother trying to stop crying.

Ed could hear it, hear your despair, quite loudly, actually. He eyed the area in front of him. There were a few parked cars, no one seemed to be walking out of the building, but in front of the stairs was a crouched figure, leaning against the wall. Despite your position, he recognized you immediately with an additional wave of pain to his chest and gut. "Where are you?" he said with a sudden tone of urgency. You sniffed. "Out...side City Hall. Near the stairs." A choked noise escaped your throat. "Why?"

"I...I'm nearby right now. Just wait where you are." "Ka-okay", you spluttered and he could see you clutching at your phone. He should probably wait a few minutes so he could better explain why he'd said he wouldn't be available. Ed balled his hand into a fist, then tried to relax it immediately. "I'll be there shortly." Crying. "Everything's gonna be alright." It had to. Breathing heavily, you didn't stop shedding tears. Instead, it was possibly becoming worse. "I-I think I can see you now." You whimpered, too much of a wreck to look up and his promise too unrealistic. "Yes, I see you. I'm gonna hang up now. I'll run." He started running, hitting the sidewalk loudly with his polished shoes. "Y/n!" You looked up. "Y/n." Ed's here? You craned your neck and there he was, a strand of his brown hair fallen out of its gelled-backed place, and eyeing you with concern. The strain from looking up at him from your position become too much, so you let your head hang down again. You wanted to say something, explain your theory, but the hopelessness kept you from doing so.

Ed too wanted to say something, tell you that you needn't worry, that Oswald deserved what was happening to him. He crouched down to look into your eyes and stared at them, took in how filled to the brink they were, overflowing with tears this whole mess had caused you. "I can exp-" a sob shook you. He cleared his voice to speak again but your crying was too loud, it would be inappropriate if he spoke louder: you made the impression that you'd only become more devasted if he did so.

"Hey", he spoke softly, when you didn't hear him again, just a little bit louder, "Hey. It's gonna be okay." He stroked your side. "Look at me." You did, noticing the shock passing his face upon seeing your lovely face drowned in tears. "I promise I will tell you..." Could he promise to tell you everything? What he'd done to Oswald had gone differently than planned. He hadn't meant to... Ed took a steadying breath. At the moment you were all he wanted to focus on. "I promise to tell you what's up with Oswald." He gulped. "But let's get you to a better place first."

He held out his hand and breathed out when you distanced yourself from the wall and wrapped your arms around him. It was the first time you'd seen one another in weeks. You began to take deeper breaths, using Ed's tall body as a focuspoint. You loved him and Oswald so much, why couldn't they all just be happy?! Ed detected the movement of your upper body instantly. While your arms trembled, his hands stroked over your back with sure movements. Between your body against his, your shaky breaths and your scent he now took in with a nostalgic feeling of fondness, it took him some time to remember what he'd even been doing here. Laughing with Miss Kean seemed hours away.

He let his hands fall down and took a step away. "Is-where is Oswald, right now?" You cleared your throat. "He... said he'd go to the ba—bathroom, that he was near-" your voice wavered, "near a panic attack." You looked at him expectantly, searching for sympathy or guilt. He definitely showed concern but for who you couldn't tell. "Why?" "So you're waiting for him?" "Yes?" "Be-because it would be best if...Let's move away from the entrance, so that we can talk in private." Your voice was raw from the crying, "But not too far away." You got out your phone. "I'll text Oswald to wait in the car." "You're sleeping at the mansion tonight?" There was definitely angry undertone to his question. Was Ed jealous of Oswald? "Maybe." You had slept at the mansion most of the time since Oswald's election as mayor. It had become your home, as you had thought it had Ed's.

"What's wrong?" You didn't have the nerves for his question evading right now. "Nothing. Just... Perhaps he could use some distance." "Why-" you were still crying and Ed still wasn't answering your very pressing question, "why's that? He made a gesture you didn't understand. "It..it, uhm," he cleared his throat, "certainly helped me after Kr-Isabella's death." You felt bad because of your assumption. Of course he wasn't upset about you being at the place you'd all lived in. "Oh, right. Sorry. I'll text him. Then we can move a few feet." _________________

Oswald was looking down, away from his mirror image. How late was it? He opened his telephone to make sure. The interview had been scheduled to end—no, he couldn't rely on it, he'd taken this small chance away from himself. One (1) message from y/n ly/n. He'd once thought about adding some cute nickname on your profile as well as Ed's, then thought the better of it and quietly scolded himself for potentially endangering you like this. Hey, Ozzie, I'm going outside for a moment. Call or text me when you're ready, you can wait in the car, no need to put pressure on your leg :)

Was he saved as Ozzie in your phone? In any case, it managed to lift his spirits a little to know that you still used the term of affection for him after hearing him make a statement so uncharacteristic of someone deserving of a term of endearment. Well, it was a nickname but still: he'd had enough bad ones yelled at him — as had Edward — to treasure it when someone meant no harm with them.

Did you call the other man nicknames ither than Ed sometimes? Ed had never visited you or seen you in a different place, at least as far as Oswald knew. You wouldn't meet at his father's house in secret, would you? Surely having to make sure Oswald didn't walk in would take too much effort and be too stressful.

And yet I've kept the biggest secrets from y/n for even longer, Oswald realized. Killed Isabella. Confessed my love for Edward. But not without showing how utterly doleful I am. You had been cheerless more than too much, he admitted. Perhaps you were hiding something. Or maybe Edward really hadn't seen you for weeks.

Anger sparked in him. Maybe Ed forgot you in all his mourning over a woman he'd known for days. You didn't deserve this, to lose your friend because Oswald had messed up. Why couldn't Ed see how much his friends loved him? He'd been shocked that Oswald wanted him to be his boyfriend but he knew how much they all cared about each other, that you treasured him as a friend! If Ed didn't even want contact with you because of what Oswald had said, then he should prepare himself for Oswald's anger. You mustn't suffer from unrequited feelings, romantic or not. He huffed and felt a bit of strength return to him through the protective anger stirring inside of him. Ed better not break your heart too! Oswald relaxed his grip so he wouldn't crush his phone. He turned it in his hands and sudenly remembered your unanswered text message, "Why didn't I think of this earlier?" he mumbled, and quickly replied to it, saying that he was starting to feel less panicky but that you could take your time enjoying the fresh air, he'd meet you in the car in about 20 minutes. _________________

After you sent the text, Ed gently led you to a place where you could sit in peace. Still shaking, you leaned against him and tried to look into his eyes. For a moment you did, staring at the sympathy and surprise evident in his brown eyes. Then the thought crossed your mind that the secret problem had to be something very dangerous or complicated if Ed hadn't offered you an explanation yet. As soon as you started sobbing again, he wrapped his arms around you and stroked your back, feeling the tremors and hearing you whine.

Contrary to what Barbara had said, Ed now started to realize that he may have gone too far. He'd been doing to you what he had only wanted to do to Oswald. I only meant for him to get hurt, he wanted to tell you but knew that he hadn't managed to achieve that. Revenge can hurt more than the person it's aimed at.

He spread his hands over your back and moved them upwards to the back of your head. Weeping, you buried it in his chest. "It looked as if he'd h-hurt himelf." "Oh." "And after the," you snivelled, "the..." A helpless whine caught in your throat. "It'll...it will be all right." You felt Ed's heart beating faster. " I'll tell you when you're ready. Alright?" Too unsettled to speak, you nodded against his chest.

Oswald wants to die? Ed shivered and started cradling your body, trying to calm himself with your closeness. Your plan was to break him, what did your expect? Now he wants to die. He wants to die. Ed was hit with a wave of guilt. He'd only wanted Oswald hurt, sad, but not like this! He didn't even tell himself that he felt only bad about it because of you. I'll correct it somehow. The potential was still there to comfort Oswald a bit before he learned the truth about Ed's plan of revenge.

Ed felt your hands on his back and moved his over yours, this time aiming to soothe himself as well. Yes, he'd still have the chance to bring a little bit of joy back into Oswald's life. After all, it would be the second to last time he'd see the man. With shock Ed realized that he'd never see Oswald happy again if he didn't see to it that he was. Of course the mayor would be glad to "save" Ed's life but it wouldn't be the cheerful spark Ed had often admired in his sea green eyes. You moved your head against Ed and pressed it into him as he inched closer. Ed was determined now: He'd hug Oswald one last time, hold the smaller man close and soak up the false love he pretended to offer. Oswald would hug him, right? At the very least when he'd come to Ed's "rescue". He'd need to prevent Os from distancing himself from him.

You were still crying and Ed was stroking you absentmindedly, closer to you than you'd dared to dream of in the last weeks. His fingers were almost fidgeting against you except that they were more controlled, trying to soothe you while his arms steadied you. Letting the feeling calm you as best as it could, you moved your fingers over the fine fabric of his suit. Fittingly enough, he took deep breaths to let your scent calm him just as you you wondered whether it helped him as much as smelling his familiar scent helped you. Ed's voice was rough when he murmured, "This is so much better than texting."

Why did I say that? he asked himself, puzzled: it felt as if he had just bared a big secret part of himself. The raspy agreement you made brought his attention back to you. Yes, that's right, I should treasure the time we have, he thought as he took another breath of your familiar scent and felt energy flow back to him at your touch.

With his presence and gentle touches, Ed was giving you the much-needed sign that he still cared about you. Soon you'd be ready to speak, and he felt it too in the way your breathing changed.

While you collected your thoughts, Ed thought about how he could make you happy again. You cared so much about Oswald that he had a sudden urge to let the man live. He tried to make it fit together, find a reason to believe that he'd get fully over Isabella: Oswald had managed to become strong again after his mother's death, and he had been wary of Ed in the beginning whereas Ed had started his journey of grief already having a friend in you, who'd been there for him from the moment he'd gotten the call from the GCPD to ask him to come as quickly as possible. How much grief did he even feel? Today all he felt was anger followed by concern.

For a moment, he let himself imagine a life in which he let Oswald live: Ed wouldn't meet another partner, wouldn't even want one, because you'd have each other. He pictured it: he'd get to enjoy Oswald's presence again, see him devour sandwiches with spicy mustard — adorably innocent compared to when he'd command respect in a meeting room or when the two of them had fun with traitors — and hear Oswald's voice —  talking, humming, laughing, singing — when he came home late and was welcomed by both him and you and have a relaxing evening on the couch. Ed let the idea soothe him: you'd hug, sometimes all three of you together, and everything would be alright, he wouldn't even want a second chance with Miss Kringle, just being with the two of you would be perfect.

There was still a flicker of anger in him but Ed was focused enough on the positive that as he felt you stir, now collected enough to talk and listen, he swore to himself that whatever may come, he'd hug Oswald at least once more, and make sure that you felt loved. _________________

Oswald had started scrubbing at the blood stain on his white shirt and felt guilt pricking at his insides because he had hurt both you and Ed.

Still, he wondered why Ed would try to get him to confess. The more he thought about it, the more he believed in the theory that Ed loved you both (hence why Ed hadn't told you about Oswald's confession) but that he'd gotten cold feet and rejected Oswald before he could be rejected by you so soon after loosing Isabella.

Ugh, how could Ed fall in love with her but not Oswald and you? Or at least with you. Oswald sniffed. He didn't deserve Ed, had hurt him too much. But you, why couldn't Ed see you the same way Oswald did? You cared so much for them, knew how to soothe them and prevent triggering unhappy memories, had loveable characteristics that made Isabella seem even more boring in comparison, and you were so good — at least in Gotham standards — that Oswald wanted to give you the world nearly every time he looked at you. Didn't Ed see all that?

Of course he didn't. He hadn't even asked about the Founders' Dinner where Oswald could've died, instead smiling with Isabella as if he hadn't admired you with a similar look on his handsome face mere days ago!

If things weren't so complicated, Oswald would think himself a better option than the sometimes stupid genius but alas he couldn't and he knew why. Oswald had the perstistent fear that if you knew what he'd done, you would never want to be with him, hell, maybe never even see him again! He rubbed harder over the shirt's fabric.

He'd become a better person, he promised himself, be a bit more patient, become forgiving when it was needed, not murder his crush's partner so quickl-no: not at all. He sighed, shoulders heavy with the knowledge that you would be angry with him for thinking this way, or worse, afraid. He shook his head, as if trying to prove his motivation to become a better person, someone you and Ed deserved. Until you were ready, he'd have to keep his feelings to himself, allow no thoughts of what your names would look like together on an invation or what gifts he could give you when you were finally together.

Oswald's head sunk down from the weight of it all, directing his gaze to his shirt cuffs. The blood was wiped away. What would he even do, he needed to give you a good excuse, then successfully bottle his emotions up, cross those thoughts of affection and happiness out and— That was it! He let out a hysterical cry of joy and grabbed his phone to tell you that he'd be downstairs in around fifteen minutes, then quickly left the bathroom to go to his office.

There he scrabbled about, threw one or two pens in the wrong color away, and finally found one he'd usually never use. It was light red and perfect for what he had in mind.

Oswald flexed and relaxed his fingers to ensure a secure grip on the pen, then bent over and wrote your name. +Ed. +Oswald. He half considered drawing a heart around the three names but thought the better of it, instead taking the image in for a few seconds and making a promise to earn both of you, be it as friends or as partners.

After a few moments, he gripped the pen again and crossed everything out. Then he stowed it away where you wouldn't come across it by chance and went back to the bathroom. He needed to wash parts of it away — as well as the new tears that had run down his cheeks.

_________________ Author's note: Title dropped! 😂🤗 I hope you liked this chapter and that the length made up for the break time ❤

Next chapter->

(@gabriella-aesthetic I'm not sure whether you wanted to be tagged in the next chapters as well, let me know if that's not the case & I'll remove it :))

[thefrogdalorian]

The Best of Both Worlds - Chapter Seven

Din Djarin x Female Reader Modern!AU

❁ Series Masterlist ❁ My Masterlist ❁ Read on AO3 ❁

Word Count:  9456 Rating: General Summary: Despite feeling certain that you'll never see the ridiculously handsome man you gave a tour of the museum to, a special delivery is about to change everything... Content Warnings: Brief description of anxiety, reader feels a bit anxious in a crowded area. Author's Note: Big thanks once again to my amazing beta @suresnips!! I appreciate your feedback so much 💕  The slow burn is certainly slow burning. When I started posting this I was wondering whether I should tag it as slowburn which is ridiculous because 54k words in and they're still like THIS AUGHBSGJD just KISS you idiots! Anyway, really hope you enjoyed this one. I had a blast writing it. This is the last chapter I'd edited while writing, so updates might slow down a bit to once (but hopefully twice) per week now. Thanks for reading, I'd love to know if you're enjoying it so far!!

6. You're The Sunflower [Reader's POV]

You were under no illusions that the odds of seeing Din again were slim to none, but no matter how hard you tried, you had not been able to stop thinking about him. Ever since you had given him a tour of the museum on Friday night, you had been unable to shake the memory of how incredible you had felt in his presence. Of course, you were instantly attracted to him and felt the spark when the two of you shook hands. Plus, there was that look on his face when he referred to the beauty of the exhibits as he gazed at you. You had been unable to get the way his eyes had softened as he looked at you from your mind, no matter how hard you tried.

Work brought you no relief. Everywhere you went, you were reminded of him. Any time you had to leave your office work behind to face the public, you were barely able to focus on giving the various groups that you had been entrusted with a proper tour. You kept looking out for the patient brown eyes and dark curls that had left an imprint on your mind after such a short amount of time. Several times your heart leapt when you thought you saw a man with just the right physique and height, with similar brown curls. But then his head would turn and your hopes would be dashed. Unfortunately, there were so many visitors to the museum each day that these moments were all too frequent, delivering a crushing blow each time. 

It was ridiculous, pining over Din and looking out for him like this. You were under no illusions to the fact that you would never see him again. The time you had spent together that evening as you gave him a tour of the museum was lovely. In another life, perhaps the two of you would have been able to explore the genuine connection. But in this life: this was it. Your paths were never going to cross again. It was utterly ridiculous to think otherwise, no matter how much you ached to see him again. You just had a little crush on an attractive older guy. You would forget about him before too long.

Fortunately, today you had no tours scheduled. You were tasked with cataloguing some of the museum’s extensive archival collection. Specifically, seventh-century Chinese pottery. Although sometimes you found such work dull, you appreciated that everything had an order to it and a system to be filed under. Once it was completed, it would be incredibly satisfying. So you had thrown yourself into such work, partly borne out of a desire to see it completed but mostly, if you were honest, to distract yourself from the kind brown eyes of a man you would never see again.

The task was going well and you were making storming progress, especially considering that it was only mid-morning. That was until the familiar presence of your manager, Julie, entered the office and disturbed your peace. The sound of a heavy object being placed on the desk with a thud, caused you to look up.

It was perhaps the biggest bunch of flowers you had ever seen, in an ornate vase with stunning patterns running the length of the glass. You could tell, just by looking at it, that it was a luxurious bouquet that had presumably set back whoever bought it several hundred pounds. Your heart skipped a beat. There was no way these could be for you.

When your racing mind finally focused on the flowers, your jaw dropped as you realised exactly what they were. With their tall, green stems and bright yellow petals, they were unmistakably sunflowers. 

As you sat there, aghast at the beautiful bouquet before you, Julie finally offered an explanation: “These came in from a flower shop this morning. The delivery guy said your name. I have no idea who they’re from and trust me, I had quite a battle to get them through security. Luckily a guy called Mo vouched for you. Maybe the card makes sense to you.” Julie said, winking at you as she walked away, leaving you sitting there at your desk, mouth hanging open.

Surely it couldn’t be… from him?

You noticed the little golden card nestled in amongst the sunflowers, with trembling hands you brought it towards your face so that you could see who the flowers were from. On it, the neat black handwriting read:

Let’s show the kid a real rhino. Meet me at the gates of London Zoo.

Saturday, 11:30 am.

– D 

When you saw the single letter at the bottom of the card, you almost fell backwards off your chair onto the hard wooden floor below. It was from him. You felt your skin warming furiously as you read the message. Then, you read it again to make sure that you weren't dreaming. This surely had to be a joke, right?! An elaborate scheme to poke fun at you. 

But that was ridiculous, apart from Ria, who was in a different country, and Mo, who had no idea of your affection for Din, no one had any idea that the two of you had interacted. Plus, given the evident expense of such flowers, it was unlikely someone would squander such an enormous sum on playing a prank. So with all possibilities of a prank ruled out… you finally allowed yourself to believe that this was real. That Din wanted to see you again as much as you wanted to see him. He had felt the spark too and now the two of you would meet again in just a few days. 

You were in complete and utter disbelief that this was real. That there was a possibility that Din felt the same way about you. That, he too, held that same curiosity towards you; that pull that made you want to get to know him better. How, though, could someone like him possibly feel this way about someone like… you?

Julie inched back into the room, clearly having kept her distance from you to allow you to process the flowers and the note. You suddenly panicked and wondered whether she had read the note, and was coming back here to reprimand you for using your job to potentially start a relationship with a visitor. You reasoned that even if she had read the note, Din had left it deliberately vague with just his initial. She would never guess it was the man you had shown around this very museum only a few days previously. 

“I won’t pry,” Julie said with a smile on her face. “But whoever sent those must really care about you.”

You let out a deep sigh of relief. Julie’s demeanour proved that she was anything but mad at you. Fortunately, you and Julie had always gotten along. Unlike some of the other managers at the museum who would have hit the roof if one of their employees had been delivered such a bouquet in the middle of the day, she had been nothing kind to you. She was a couple of decades older than you and she reminded you of a family friend from your childhood. You had leant on her for advice when you had first moved to the big city.

“I think so.” You squeaked, feeling your skin burning up in embarrassment.

“Well, I’m happy for you,” Julie said, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “I wish nothing but the best for you. If you want to take your lunch slightly earlier and head off now, you’re welcome to.”

“Thanks, Julie.” You said appreciatively.

Budget cuts and constraints meant that sometimes the museum was understaffed and you were overworked, but Julie was always firm yet fair on the staff. She was great at getting the best out of her employees, she knew who needed to be micromanaged and who could work just as productively while being left to their own devices. You fell firmly in the second category, much preferring to be left to your own thing. And now, Julie could sense that the arrival of a large bouquet and card would send your productivity levels plunging unless you got to take yourself off and have some time to process it.

Your phone was in your hand before you had even left the museum, you were rapidly firing off texts to Ria. It would be early morning for her, but you knew she should be awake for classes and you hoped she was there to help cease the trembling in your body that had overcome you since the arrival of the flowers on your desk.

[ilovemando] 11:37: RIAAAAA!!!!! remember din, the hot guy i showed around the museum with his son?? He fucking sent a bouquet of SUNFLOWERS to my work and said to meet him on saturday at the gates of the zoo i told him about and recommended him to visit with his kid???

[thisistheslay] 11:40: OMG WHAT!?!? FLOWERS TO YOUR DESK!!! THIS SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING FROM A FANFIC I CAN’T BREATHE????

[ilovemando] 11:42 I KNOW. i was sure it was just my colleague pranking me but no, my manager confirmed it was hand-delivered by a flower shop this morning. and not any flower shop either, this one is like insanely london fancy. i’m just a peasant. i can’t believe this….. this kind of thing doesn’t happen to me!!

[thisistheslay] 11:45: Well, looks like it is happening to you, bestie. I’m so happy for you. What were the flowers like?

[ilovemando] 11:47: he got me sunflowers :’) after i told him van gogh was my favourite painter and i loved that piece. i can’t fucking breathe, honestly. my manager let me get lunch early and i have no idea how i’m going to eat let alone FUNCTION until saturday omg help me

[ilovemando] 11:50: but the thing is idk if it’s a date bc his kid is coming??? ahhhhh i dont wanna assume too much, maybe he just wants to be friends

You placed your phone back in your pocket as you found a place to sit in the park. Since the amount of money you had splurged on Mando merch at ForceCon, you had been forcing yourself to bring packed lunches to work in a bid to save money. It had mostly worked and you found that as the weather was improving, there was no greater delight than sitting outside in the park next to the museum and enjoying your lunch as you watched the world go by.

Once you had found an available bench, conveniently located underneath the tall trees that lined the edge of the park which partially protected you from the sun that was beating down as midday approached, you took your phone out and were relieved to see Ria had immediately texted you back. Your head had been swimming with possibilities over whether Din also viewed this as a date and you were eager to get a rational, outsider’s perspective. 

[thisistheslay] 11:53: I mean, if a guy was sending a fancy bouquet of sunflowers to MY desk, I would absolutely take that romantically. Maybe he just can’t leave his kid with someone and that’s why he’s coming, I wouldn’t take that as a bad thing necessarily.

You read Ria’s message and felt your stomach flutter with butterflies once again as she reminded you of what had just happened. Din had sent you flowers. At your desk. Not just any flowers, either. Flowers that were in a piece of art you adored, that your favourite painter had created. Din had remembered that little detail about you, despite you only mentioning it in passing. 

You shook your head and placed your phone in your pocket. You’d reply to Ria later. For now, you needed to eat your lunch and collect your thoughts so you could regain your composure and make progress on the task that you needed to complete at work that afternoon. 

When you returned to work after your lunch break, however, you found that it was a struggle to focus on carrying out important archival research when an insanely hot older guy that you had an enormous crush on had indicated that he wanted to see you again. Not only did he want to see you again, but he had enlisted a fancy London florist to deliver your favourite flowers, a detail that he had remembered from a brief comment, no less. It was probably the most romantic thing anyone had done for you, which was not exactly difficult. There had been a sad lack of romance in your life over recent years, aside from the Mando fanfics you had consumed each night before bed. Traditional books had fallen somewhat by the wayside when you were at University, but you found that you still had a voracious appetite for reading. Especially when it came to consuming stories where you were the object of Mando’s affections.

Work kept you so busy that you found yourself quite content to be single as it meant that your downtime was yours and yours alone. Plus, adjusting to living in a new city – especially a city as massive as London – had already been difficult enough, without introducing romance into that. Yet it appeared that when you had least been looking for it, a potential love story had fallen right into your lap. It was quite remarkable timing.

Your state of mind did not improve over the next few days. It was a struggle to maintain your composure for the rest of the week and focus on your tasks. Luckily, you had been moved to have a less public-facing role as you stayed behind the scenes in the offices, working on the extensive archives. Luckily, Julie had known exactly how to deal with the situation and had understood, perhaps even before you, that you were in no position to face visitors when your thoughts lay firmly elsewhere. 

Mercifully, with the help of some colleagues and a little bit of overtime, you completed the project on Friday afternoon, as planned. The relief and sense of achievement were immense, it had been no small undertaking to catalogue seventh-century Chinese pottery pretty much all on your own. You practically galloped out of work, excited for the weekend that lay ahead and in particular, to see Din again.

Despite your eagerness to leave work, you still took your time heading home, stopping for noodles at your favourite noodle shop on the way. You timed it just right so that you missed the main rush of commuters who were leaving London to return home and everyone else who was coming into London for a night out. You had had your fun in clubs and bars in the past, but you always felt ancient watching people heading for their nights out in skimpy clothes. There were a few of them, swigging from cans on the platform and laughing and chattering so loudly that you turned your headphones up to their maximum volume.

You did not begrudge them having a good time, but to you, it all just looked so uncomfortable. Rather than wearing uncomfortable clothing and cramming into overpriced bars to listen to awful music, you wanted to go home and sloth out on the couch in front of an episode of Mando. Although you had barely finished your last rewatch, you had just started another one. Despite how occupied your mind had been recently, it felt wrong somehow to not have a Mandalorian rewatch ongoing.

Lounging around on the couch in front of The Mandalorian was precisely how you spent your Friday night. With your comfortable pyjamas and facemask on, you felt somewhat relaxed, despite the churning that would commence in your stomach every time you thought about the prospect of seeing Din again tomorrow.

Although you were excited, you were also incredibly nervous. You wanted to make a good impression and hoped that the chemistry that had been there during the tour carried over to your day out at the zoo. But there were so many things to consider, questions to ask yourself about the whole situation. You found yourself dwelling on whether he viewed this as a date. You knew that you certainly wanted it to be one and sending such an extravagent bouquet probably indicated that there was at least some romantic intention there. But perhaps Din viewed going to the zoo to show Grogu a rhino as a purely platonic outing. You remained unsure of how to take it.

In addition, you were agonising over what to wear. You had triple, no quadruple checked your outfit for the zoo day out with Din. You fretted over how to style your hair, sending several shots to the groupchat to ask for their advice. As much as the groupchat had been helpful, you wished they had been physically present. There was just something about having people close that you couldn’t replicate online. Facetime and voice chats were helpful but you wished you had Ria by your side on the couch, giggling over the stupid goo facemasks you were slapping on your faces as you watched another episode of Mando. But Ria, and the rest of your friends, were thousands of miles away. You were all alone. Well, except for Mando, of course.

After finishing a steaming cup of your favourite herbal tea, you eventually turned in before midnight as you wanted to get up early to give yourself plenty of time. You were probably going to end up being at the zoo ridiculously early, but under no circumstances did you want to leave Din hanging, especially considering that you did not have his number. All you had was a time and a place to be. You were going to be there.

Despite how exhausting your week had been, sleep did not come easily. You tossed and turned, thinking about what tomorrow would bring. It was quite a turnaround of events, to go from believing that you would never see someone again to being only hours from facing them again. Nerves and excitement bubbled away in your stomach as you lay there, picturing the kind brown eyes and that crooked smile that you knew you were only hours away from seeing again…

The familiar tones of The Mandalorian’s theme song roused you from sleep at eight the following morning. You were a bundle of nerves and excitement, feeling as though your skin was tingling all over. As you lay there and slowly blinked your tired eyes open, you found yourself grinning from ear to ear as you remembered that you were awake so early on the weekend because the man whom you were incredibly attracted to wanted to see you again.

You knew there had been an undeniable spark between you and Din that evening at the museum. But you had doubted yourself and eventually convinced yourself that you were being delusional. How could he ever be interested in you? Din was just a polite, kind man, nothing more. How wrong you had been. Now, you were getting yourself ready to see him again.

Well, getting ready was yet to happen. First, you had to watch an episode of Mando as you ate your breakfast. It was a crutch you leaned on during times of great stress. If there was a big life event taking place, chances were that you had watched an episode of The Mandalorian at some point in the build-up to it. People leaned on all kinds of things, it just happened that yours was a sci-fi show that brought you an immense amount of joy. You might have been a little embarrassed about relying on it so heavily but, ultimately, you weren’t hurting anyone else with your hobby. You were proud that Mando had helped you through so much.

With your episode and breakfast finished, it was time to get ready. You had already agonised over the outfit for hours last night. However, in the early morning light, you doubted whether you looked good enough. You wanted to be comfortable considering how much walking you were sure to do, while also making an effort to impress Din. You ended up swapping out the skirt you had planned to wear for a pair of black and white striped cotton pants that were wide-legged enough to be cool in the summer. As you left your flat and headed to the station to make your way into London, you were glad for your last-minute outfit change. The thought of getting onto a busy transport network with all the grime and dirt of fellow passengers while wearing a skirt felt disgusting, somehow.

It was Saturday morning on the tube and mercifully, it wasn’t too busy. You were well accustomed to most routes by now and could use the tube with your eyes closed, if necessary. Today, however, you were so nervous that you felt yourself second-guessing your every move. Doubting whether you were heading in the right direction or on the right line and whether your tube would arrive at the zoo in time.

Fortunately, you remembered to bring your headphones, so you at least had the Mando soundtrack to keep you company. For a few minutes on the tube, you weren’t on an underground system hurtling underneath the streets of London at all. No, you were on a hyperloop pod on Coruscant, zooming along with Mando like you had seen him do several times in the show in pursuit of his most recent bounty. 

As strange as it probably sounded to anyone who did not love the show as much as you did, when you listened to the music you felt as though some of Mando’s certainty in himself and the confident way he carried himself was somehow being transferred to you. You loved Mando for many reasons, but one of them was how much you looked up to him and admired him as a person. He had many characteristics that you only wished you could possess yourself. You truly felt as though he was someone you aspired to be, even if he was fictional. 

You were so caught up in your fantasies, that you almost missed your stop. But fortunately, you realised in time and scrambled for the door. You glanced down at your watch and realised that you were pretty early, it was not even eleven yet. So, you decided to grab a coffee just outside the tube station so you wouldn’t be standing there at the zoo, looking like a little lost puppy. Plus, weren’t you meant to be fashionably late to dates? Or whatever this was? Wasn’t that a thing people did? 

The coffee shop you selected was a bit pretentious and hipster for your taste. You had no desire to order an oat milk two pump caramel chai latte macchiato or whatever it was that people who used a lot of beard cream ordered. So you just settled on a regular cappuccino, which came with a slightly judgmental look from the barista. With your order in hand, you settled down on a comfortable seat by the window in the corner of the shop and took out your phone, firing off a message to Ria.

[ilovemando] 10:49 - ik ur probably asleep now but i’m about to go to the date with din and im so nervous aaah. he’s so hot and i feel like im going to make a massive idiot out of myself. currently drowning myself in coffee. not sure it’ll help my nerves. text me when you wake up!!

Of course, Ria didn’t respond straight away. It was not even six for her and you gathered she was asleep like any normal human would be on a Saturday. With no internet friend to calm your nerves, you instead decided to pass the time by watching the people of London pass by your window. Usually, on a Saturday morning like this, you would be nowhere near the centre of the city, preferring to keep to your quieter neighbourhood. It was a treat to sit and watch people going about their business, young and old, families and alone. You felt as though you were seeing a real slice of life outside that window.

You liked being a wallflower, a quiet observer. You used to spend more time out and about before the pandemic but after everything had locked down you realised you didn’t like people that much, as harsh as that may sound. No, since those times you much preferred to spend your time inside, watching Mando or talking to your friends. So it was strange to be out on a Saturday morning in this part of the city, watching the world go by. The longer you sat there, you found that you didn’t hate it as much as you thought you would. It was a nice change of scenery. 

After a few minutes and drinking half of your cappuccino, you turned your attention inside the coffee shop. You noticed that there were plenty of couples here in this coffee shop, staring at each other affectionately from across the table, their hands clasped around their steaming mugs. It made your heart soar a little in hope, wondering whether those looks and these lazy mornings lay in your future with Din. Maybe you should do this more often. Maybe you and Din could come for a coffee here sometime.

Din, you thought with a start.

Thinking of him made you realise that you had completely lost track of time. It was now twenty past eleven and the Zoo was around a fifteen-minute walk away. You cursed yourself under your breath, you were always prone to daydreaming and could get so easily distracted sometimes, lost inside your own head. You had intended to be on time, maybe even early, to avoid giving any kind of impression that you weren’t eager to see Din again. Yet, now, to ensure that you would have to arrive there a sweaty mess, you would have to speed-walk to the zoo. 

Fortunately, you still had your headphones on and you switched to an upbeat playlist, soon falling into step with the fast guitar and drumbeat as you headed to the zoo. The streets were beginning to get busier now and your earlier musings about enjoying being in the city for a change were long forgotten, replaced by a general disdain for the human race. But then you remembered where you were going and who you were meeting. You couldn't help but feel a smile creep across your face. A smile that only got wider when you approached the zoo gates and you saw a familiar figure standing there, waiting for you.

You felt yourself instantly lighten as you noticed him. A stupid, insecure part of your brain had worried that you had somehow misinterpreted things and he wasn’t going to be there. But sure enough, Din was standing right outside the gates with Grogu nestled in his arms. They were facing away from you but it allowed you to appreciate how broad Din’s shoulders looked from the back as you approached him. You were equally delighted to see the sweet little boy again as you were to see his father. After all, if Grogu had not been so drawn to Dürer’s rhino, perhaps the three of you would not be here together now.

As you approached him, you appraised Din’s outfit. He was dressed in a grey knitted cardigan with a dark turtleneck underneath it and a similar pair of dark brown trousers to those he had worn at the museum. You noticed Din was wearing his trusty brown boots once again. You thought he was a bit overdressed considering it was almost July, but British summer was typically not the warmest, so perhaps he had got it just right. Grogu was wearing a light green, short-sleeved t-shirt and a pair of brown trousers. His curly hair was sticking up at all ends and you thought he looked thoroughly adorable. 

You were only a few feet away from Din now, but he still hadn’t spotted you. You weren’t quite sure how to play it – should you tap him on the shoulder? But you decided against that, you didn’t want to startle him with Grogu in his arms.

“Hi, Din,” you said quietly. Din turned around abruptly to face you as if your presence had startled him.

“You came!” Din said, his face suddenly lighting up, eyes crinkling in joy. The wrinkles beside his eyes were suddenly visible, a visual reminder that he was slightly older than you. But the reminder of his age did not make him look any less attractive. Din looked distinguished and handsome.

“Of course I came! Thank you for the flowers and suggestion to meet here. I loved them, it was very thoughtful of you to remember that I mentioned loving Van Gogh’s sunflowers,” you replied, voice shaking slightly with nerves.

“I’m glad you liked the flowers and didn’t find it, uh, creepy,” Din said nervously, placing his hand on the back of his neck again like he had done the first time you had met him in the museum. It was an adorable, bashful, mannerism that you adored.

“Of course not,” you smiled. “It was incredibly thoughtful of you. I’m so happy that you found a way to stay in touch.”

“Me too,” Din whispered, his eyes shimmering with an emotion that you could not quite place. Then he shook his head slightly and remembered the child that he was holding in his arms. “I hope you don’t mind me bringing Grogu along. But, like I said, wherever I go… he goes. And I believe you originally suggested the zoo because of his love for animals, so it wouldn’t have felt right to come here without him.”

“Of course it’s fine, Din,” You smiled. “Hi Grogu!” You beamed, giving a little wave to the little boy with the big brown eyes.

Grogu returned the smile, you were pleased to see that he seemed a lot calmer than he had at the museum. You saw Din visibly relax as you were fine with his son’s presence.

“It’s so good to see you again,” Din breathed. “I was nervous that you weren’t going to show up,” he admitted shyly.

“How could I refuse an invitation to a Zoo?” You questioned with a smile. 

“Really, you don’t get sick of something like this after working at a museum all week?” Din said, raising one eyebrow at you.

“Absolutely not! Well, a zoo is a bit different to a museum but either way, I always loved them since I was Grogu’s age. I was always the straggler during any school trip to a zoo or museum when I was younger. I could have spent hours there,” You began, but shook your head, realising that you were probably rambling. “But enough about me, why don’t we head inside and find those rhinos that I promised were here and that this little one would love?” You beamed, suddenly self-conscious that you were oversharing again.

Din did not seem to mind though. He seemed to enjoy your tangential little rants. Of course, a few days ago he had been a paying customer for them. Now it was just the two of you, and you were painfully aware that they could be annoying to certain people. Not everyone shared the boundless enthusiasm you held for things that you were passionate about. Not everyone found it sweet and endearing. You had learnt the hard way that people could be profoundly annoyed by your enthusiasm and did not understand that you were not trying to make them feel bad. But those judgmental people were far in the past now. 

It had taken a lot of time and a lot of hurt, but you had learnt the hard way that hiding parts of yourself was incredibly draining and only caused you more heartache and pain in the long term. So, with Din, you determined that things would be different. You were going to be nothing but one hundred per cent honest with him. After all, he wouldn’t have gone to all the trouble of picking out the flowers that you had mentioned just in passing if he didn’t like you on some level. It was time to be yourself and let Din see you for who you truly were.

That time had apparently come sooner than you were anticipating. As you made your way inside the zoo, you were suddenly getting the same vibe you had gotten at ForceCon. Where too many people were crammed into an impossibly small space, making things incredibly crowded. It was slightly panic-inducing, but you resolved to try and remain calm. Unfortunately, you did not have a comforting internet friend and a convenient staircase to hide under. It was far busier than you were anticipating. You usually visited the zoo when you had a half day off or on a Sunday afternoon when it seemed to be quieter. Since the weather had improved and it was a Saturday, though, it should have come as no surprise to see the zoo this busy.

Although you did not have Ria at your side, you were not completely alone. You glanced over at Din and instantly felt a rush of adrenaline course through your body. He looked so handsome, his strong side profile and beautiful nose silhouetted against the crowds of busy people. With his broad shoulders and looming presence, a feeling of calmness and security washed over you. Maybe if you had had him to ogle when you had been making your way through the crowds at ForceCon, you would have handled it better, you thought with a smirk.

That momentary relief was fleeting, though. The crowds did not cease, you found that same sensation of being swept away gnawing away in your gut that you had at the convention. But, you reasoned, you had handled that then, just like you would handle this now.

“Are you alright?” Din said, suddenly noticing that you looked slightly uncomfortable. You momentarily cringed, feeling self-conscious that he had noticed how much you were struggling. 

“I’m fine, just not a huge fan of crowds,” you admitted with a slight grimace. “It’ll be fine once we clear out of the entrance though and get on the paths to one of the enclosures. Actually, I think the rhinos are right at the back where hopefully not many people will head straight away. Maybe we could go there first, work against the crowds?”

Din agreed with your suggestion and was content to let you lead the way. The three of you headed down a path that seemed to be in the correct direction of where the rhinos were. It seemed like you were walking the same way as the crowds for a little while. You feared for a second that perhaps, everyone had the same idea as you to head to the back of the zoo first.

Eventually, the tide seemed to turn and more people began heading down the narrow path towards you. You had to squeeze in and get close to Din. You inhaled sharply at the way your skin tingled as you brushed shoulders with him. It was ridiculous that such a light touch, through a shirt, could set your entire body on fire like that. 

Then something bizarre happened. As you moved in to let the latest family pass, you noticed that Grogu was pointing at a young boy. You wondered for a second if they were perhaps friends, but when you looked a little closer you noticed the boy was wearing a shirt with Mando’s helmet on it. What a coincidence! You wondered if perhaps Grogu was a fan of the show. After all, despite its violent elements, it was surprisingly popular with kids. The comment Din had made in the museum about Grogu liking armour came to mind, too. 

You were about to ask Din whether he and Grogu had watched The Mandalorian, but you noticed a strange look suddenly sweep across his features. It seemed to you as if he wanted this family to move past you as quickly as possible. Din sped up and hurriedly walked a few paces ahead of you further up the path, clearly eager to get away from the child as quickly as possible. You frowned slightly and followed him, wondering what precisely it was about the tiny interaction that had spooked him so much. You didn’t question Din on his actions or push for answers. You guessed that he was just a little nervous with Grogu in the crowd. After all, the kid had a habit of running off which you were all too familiar with following his antics in the museum the previous week.

Fortunately, you did not have too long to dwell on the interaction as the path came to an end and you soon found yourselves at the edge of the rhino enclosure. Din picked Grogu up, lifting the little boy so he could take in the sights of the animals over the wire fences that bordered the enclosure.

“See, Grogu?” Din said, pointing in the direction of the beasts. “It’s the same animal we saw in that artwork the other day at the museum, a rhinoceros!”

Grogu chirped in delight, bringing his hands together in glee. The child seemed happy to be here, to be spending time with both of you. He was delighted, as he took in the fact that the same animal that he had seen in picture form a few days ago, was now here before him. Grogu could not convey it in words, but you were sure that he was delighted that you and Din had gone to the trouble of bringing him here.

You looked over at Din too, finding that he was equally enthralled by the rhinos, his brown eyes wide in awe as he watched them pace throughout the enclosure. It was sweet to see whatever stress that Din had endured after Grogu had been so drawn towards that Mando shirt, slowly releasing as he gazed at the magnificent, otherworldly beasts. 

You were still curious about Din’s adverse reaction to a seemingly innocent t-shirt. Perhaps Din just really hated that show, you reasoned. Pop culture was a topic that you had not really broached with Din thus far. You were a little afraid that your references might draw blanks from him given your slight age gap. Din being slightly older than you didn’t bother you and you felt as though there was no real power imbalance between the two of you. Plus, you loved how respectful and caring he was, in a way that guys your age were not.

As you and Din stood there admiring the rhinos, you found yourself mesmerised by the power of the beasts; the way their firm, coarse skin rippled as they took steps through the mud. It broke your heart to think that these creatures were poached for their horns and that some species were now critically endangered. Seeing them before you, they did not look real somehow. It was as though they were not from this universe and had fallen to Earth by mistake, one day. The rhinos looked like they did not belong here. In a way, you sympathised with them. 

Despite the fact you were here with Din, you found that your mind inevitably drifted back to Mando. You thought it was amusing in a way that Grogu had been so drawn towards rhinoceroses. They reminded you of the fictional creature in Star Wars, the mudhorn, that Mando wore on his pauldron. He had managed to slay one against all odds to get its egg and keep a group of unruly Jawas at bay. You remembered watching in awe as Mando used his cunning and strength to outwit the helpless creature. The rhinoceros was probably the closest thing to a mudhorn on this earth. It was an amusing coincidence, especially with Grogu’s attraction to the Mando shirt. 

After a few more minutes of gazing upon these magnificent creatures, you decided to leave the rhinos behind and head elsewhere in the zoo. Din had told you that in addition to rhinos, Grogu also liked frogs, so you headed towards the building that housed them. It was a magnificent brick building, with an ornate arch over the doorway. There were also plenty of windows to ensure that the reptiles inside were bathed in natural light. Unfortunately, it was also incredibly hot and humid inside, another measure necessary to keep the little creatures safe. You felt yourself beginning to clam up, both at the temperature change and the number of people crammed into this building. But then you looked at Grogu, his little face full of wonder as the three of you came to a halt in front of a large tank containing frogs, and your heart soared at the sight of him so excited. 

You moved to continue walking further around the Reptile House, but the sound of Din calling your name stopped you in your tracks. Grogu had forced his father to stop in front of one of the tanks and was practically squirming out of Din’s arms. The mischievous little boy tapped his small chubby hands onto the glass insistently, looking at the frogs almost as though he wanted to eat them. The kid loved frogs just as much as he loved the carving of the rhino, it seemed. You watched them with a smirk on your face, admiring the sweet scene before you. Well, it was mostly sweet, Grogu was undeniably being a bit of a menace. No matter how much Din tried to tell him that he wasn’t going to be able to touch the frogs, it seemed that the little boy could not handle that fact. He was devastated by the reality that the frogs were going to remain on the other side of the glass, out of his hands. 

You usually disliked small children, their wailing and constant need for attention irked you. Despite your usual disdain for children, you found it was impossible not to like Grogu. He was a cute kid, a complete charmer and, for the most part, very well-behaved. He had listened patiently to you at the museum the other day and had been exceedingly well-behaved on this trip to the zoo thus far. But it seemed that the frogs had pushed him over the edge. His bottom lip jutted out, beginning to pout. And then the wailing began. It was a terrible sound, one that was almost painful to your ears. You looked over to Din in panic, he had already gathered his son up in his arms and was pressing him against his shoulder in an attempt to console him. But nothing was working; the kid would not stop crying. 

“Shhhh, Grogu, shhhhh,” Din said, pleading as the toddler’s temper tantrum began to turn more than a few heads. “Sorry about this… I think it might be best if we head outside.”

“It’s fine Din.” You nodded and let him lead the way. 

Despite how busy the exhibit was, when a person had a wailing toddler in their arms, the crowds just parted instantly, without question or hesitation. You smirked as Din made his way through the crowd, mumbling ‘sorry’ and ‘excuse me’ with a frequency that any Brit would be proud of. You finally made it outside, blinking in the light. Din swung Grogu off his shoulder and looked at his son, caressing his cheek with his thumb, wiping the tears that were staining his chubby cheeks. You were in awe at the calmness and speed with which Din had approached the situation, undaunted by a wailing toddler which was, to you, a terrifying prospect. He was a natural at fatherhood, that much was obvious. 

“Alright, pal. We’re out of there now. Please calm down, Grogu,” Din pleaded, looking nervously around at the nosy onlookers.

You could tell that he was embarrassed and you felt incredibly sorry for him. After all, there was nothing to be ashamed about. Grogu was just a little boy, he didn’t understand that he couldn’t hold the frogs. You decided to step towards them and hopefully offer some words of comfort.

“Hey little guy, what’s the matter?” you asked, concernedly. “I know you love frogs, I really do… but you can’t touch them, Grogu. They have to stay in their tanks so they’re nice and warm. It keeps them safe and protects them. Just like you feel protected when you’re in your dad’s arms,” you smiled, hoping that your words were cutting through to the tearful little boy. Grogu stopped wailing and titled his head to the side, as though he was trying to process the new information you had given him and make his mind up whether it was agreeable. 

“That’s right, we wouldn’t want anything to happen to the frogs, would we?” Din joined in, nodding at you appreciatively for your intervention.

Grogu was still for a few moments but then began furiously shaking his head. It seemed that yours and Din’s kind words had finally gotten through to him. 

“Good boy! That’s it, Grogu, well done for understanding why you can’t touch them,” Din said proudly. 

“Well, you can’t touch those frogs, Grogu. But perhaps we can head to the gift shop on the way out and there might be a frog toy there for you?” You offered with a smile, hoping that Din was okay with such an offer.

Din nodded, seemingly approving of your suggestion and you felt relieved that you had not overstepped your boundaries. Thanks to yours and Din’s soothing words, Grogu soon calmed down. Now that you did not have a crying toddler to contend with, you turned around and noticed that you were standing by a play area that was currently deserted of any children. You laid eyes upon the swingset that was currently empty, a mischievous idea forming in your head.

“Shall we go on the swings?” You questioned playfully.

“It would be rude not to,” Din said with a smirk.

You made your way over to the swings, taking a seat as Din sat at the one next to you, Grogu sitting in his lap. Din told him to hold on but you had already begun moving yourself in earnest, kicking your legs out, determined to swing higher and higher. Din looked at you, a wide smile on his face as Grogu giggled. It wasn’t long before you and Din were both laughing hysterically.

Only moments before, Grogu had been violently wailing, but that terrible scene was now a distant memory as the three of you swung on the swing set. You knew that you would feel self-conscious about unleashing your inner childish side like this with most people. But with Din, you truly felt as though you could be yourself. You felt too, that the more he saw you interact with Grogu, the more he was also beginning to lower some kind of guard that he had encircled himself in. You continued happily swinging on the playground for a few more minutes until two small boys ran up to it, their faces dropping when they saw it was occupied. You felt as though you couldn’t stay there any longer with them watching you like that, so you looked at Din and the three of you climbed off and allowed the kids to play.

After leaving the swings behind, the two of you headed to the penguin enclosure, keen to see the magnificent black and white birds swimming around with your own eyes. As you and Din leant on the railings, Grogu between you, mesmerised by the creatures, the conversation shifted towards your romantic lives.

“So… uh, I was thinking perhaps we could go for some lunch at the cafe over there. Is that alright? I mean, there’s no one waiting for you back at home?” Din asked, his deep voice trembling as his brown eyes remained firmly fixed on the penguins.

“No, Din,” you breathed. “There’s no one waiting for me at home.”

“Wizard!” Din exclaimed. “Oh uh… I mean good, I wanted to spend the entire day with you.”

“Me too, Din,” you smiled. “I take it from your reaction that there is no one waiting for you, either.”

“No, it’s uh… it’s just me and Grogu. Always has been since I found him,” Din divulged and you thought you saw him grimace slightly as he admitted that. “I adopted him, you know. Don’t know much about his early life, but I’m all he has, now.”

“I gathered you had adopted him, but blood doesn’t always matter. I think you’re an amazing father,” you smiled at Din encouragingly.

“Thank you,” Din whispered, his voice cracking and eyes shimmering at your compliment.

At that moment, the little boy you had just been discussing so fondly decided to hold out his arms to Din, an indication that he wanted to be picked up. Din leaned down to scoop him up and the moment passed, but the implications of the conversation you had just shared were clear. You were both single. There were no barriers to you exploring something together. Grogu then began rubbing his stomach, an indication that he was hungry and the three of you headed towards the cafe that Din had earlier spotted.

After a delicious lunch, the rest of the afternoon passed without incident. Mercifully, Grogu did not encounter anything else that upset him as much as the Reptile House had. You and Din strolled around the remainder of the zoo at a leisurely pace, chatting to each other a little bit about your pasts as you went along. There was nothing in particular that either of you wanted to see, happy to let the mood dictate your pace. There was no pressure, nowhere for either of you to be. You gathered from comments that he had made about how busy he had been at work that week, that this was a rare, calm moment in Din’s schedule, as it was yours. He seemed to be relishing it as much as you did.

You were enjoying every moment in his presence, relieved that the spark you had first felt at the museum had carried over to your day out today. However, it was difficult to have a real conversation with him over the constant noise and toddler that you were accompanied by. Much as you had enjoyed your day out, you longed to see Din again in a quieter environment, perhaps just the two of you. But you would not make any demands or push him. Although he had been deliberately vague about what exactly it was that he did for a job, it sounded hectic and stressful. You completely understood if he wanted to spend his downtime with Grogu. You would put no pressure on him, expecting nothing even though you were extremely keen to see him again.

Eventually, you realised that it was almost closing time for the zoo. It was time to make your way to the exits and leave the animals and lush scenery behind. Though not before your promised visit to the Gift Shop, of course. You had promised Grogu a frog, after all. Fortunately, Grogu laid eyes upon the perfect toy to offset the disappointment that he had earlier felt at not being able to touch any of the amphibians. It was a bright green frog plush that he had toddled over to as soon as he laid eyes upon, pointing to it with a chubby hand, his brown eyes looking up at you expectantly.

Despite Din’s protestations that he would pay for it, you insisted. You wanted to treat the precious little boy and reward him for how well-behaved he had been throughout the day, despite his momentary lapse. Plus, Din had bought your tickets and the lunch you had enjoyed by the penguin enclosure. You felt it was the least you could do. The child was overjoyed, hugging his new frog friend tightly in one hand as he toddled alongside the pair of you out of the shop, Din clasping his other hand. 

As you made your way out of the zoo, there was an ice cream van by the entrance, clearly aimed at the crowd exiting the zoo, complete with persuasive children in tow. Grogu had locked eyes on the van that was selling the sweet, sugary treats and of course, there was only going to be one outcome, his big brown eyes were too much for Din to resist. So the three of you ordered a British summertime staple: a classic 99 Flake. It was soft-serve ice cream on a cone with a crumbly, flakey chocolate bar stuck in the ice cream.

After walking away from the van, the three of you found an empty bench to sit on, to watch the world go by and enjoy your treat. Grogu was perched contentedly on Din’s lap, and you noticed, heart skipping a beat, how close you and Din had naturally found yourselves sitting on the bench. Your shoulders and arms resting against each other, your thighs touching too. It felt surprisingly comfortable and affectionate considering how little time you had spent together. But you were certain of one thing: it felt so, so right. Of course, there were probably limits to what public displays of affection Din felt comfortable with in front of Grogu. You felt certain that this was a sign of his intentions, one that set your pulse racing.

After you had all finished your ice creams –  Grogu had ended up wearing more of his ice cream, the sweet treat smeared all around his lips, on his cheeks and nose – the three of you sat there in companionable silence. You watched as the dregs of the crowd filtered through the ornate gates where you had started your day hours before. The silence was pleasant, you were enjoying the sensation of being close to Din, his warm strong body resting against yours. You wondered if he had enjoyed the day as much as you had, hoped he had, at least. You wondered whether Din would like to see you again or if that was it. As if he could read your racing thoughts, Din broke the silence that had settled between the pair of you.

“So, uh. I was thinking… I would love to see you again, perhaps sometime in the week, after you finish work?” Din offered. “I can leave Grogu with a friend and meet you at the museum. Just be the two of us.”

“That sounds wonderful, Din,” You breathed, a shy smile crossing your lips as you looked into his soulful brown eyes. “I would love to.”

“Great!” Din said, smiling widely, clearly relieved that you were both on the same page about wanting to see each other again. “Let me give you my number, I’ll be in touch.”

You took your phone out of your pocket and held it towards your chest, unlocking it with slightly shaky fingers, overcome with excitement and tremendous relief that he had enjoyed your company. You were careful to hold your phone close to your body as you unlocked it so that Din could not see the picture that was your lockscreen. You weren’t sure how to explain the photo of you standing next to the incredible Mandalorian cosplayer that you had taken a picture with at ForceCon to someone like Din. Especially considering the way he had earlier responded to the Mando helmet t-shirt. You weren’t ready to show Din what level of nerd you were just yet. Surprisingly, you hadn’t brought Mando up to him yet. It was partly due to his reaction but also because you knew by your nature, how hard it would be to hide your true enthusiasm for it and just act like a casual fan. It was best left until you had gotten to know Din a bit better.

The unfamiliarity and uncertainty that lingered, despite how sure you were that you wanted to see Din again, was a reminder that this was only the second time you had spent time together. It was hard to believe that you had just met, because when you spent time with Din, you felt, somehow, that you knew him already. You had felt instantly comfortable in his presence, as though you had known him for many years.

And in a way, you had. You just didn’t know it.

Next Chapter

Taglist: @toxic-seduction @survivingandenduring @readingiskeepingmegoing

[nerdieforpedro]

20 Questions of Writers 📑

I was tagged by @frenchiereading @avastrasposts and @maggiemayhemnj (Bless the three of you. You know a dissertation is coming 🤣🤣🤣) 💜

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 81 works on AO3. There are some that are there and not on Tumblr yet. As to why, some of them are other series I haven’t finished or I’m not sure if I should post them here.

2. What is your total AO3 word count?

As of today: 351,908 words (updated for a new chapter of one of my works)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently: Pedro Pascal, Oscar Issac, Garrett Hedlund and might dabble in Call of Duty (maybe)

No longer writing: Marvel

4. Top Five fics by kudos: (some of these were written long ago, when Nerdie was a wee one in fandom)

Sard’ika Sessions (the most in kudos and hits- it tells me ya’ll like Din being a soft dom and using several different tools, maybe at the same time?)

Our Journey Across the Star Ocean (people enjoy the way I write Din maybe?)

The Viper Longs for Foliage (the one fic I have about Oberyn Martell - I don’t feel I write him well but people feel differently I suppose 🤔)

The Best and the Worst Day (AO3 only - Chris Evans fix it was a phase 🫣)

I want him to see me (AO3 only - I had to look up what this was lol Sebastian Stan fic)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I make sure to go through my inbox to reply to anyone who was nice enough to leave me one. ☺️

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Bold of you to assume I finish fics regularly 👀

Scarlet Stains and their Echoes Such angst with a Backstreet Boys joke thrown in. 😆

7. What is the fic you wrote that has the happiest ending?

This is a three way tie (cheating because Nerdie is not above it) between Sard’ika Sessions, The Lake Between Us and Parts of you Mr. Morales. Each fic has a different Pedro character - Din, Ezra (I had to give him something happy 😭) and Frankie.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not that I’ve seen. I totally thought I would and that’s why something stay on AO3 or in the WIP folder but so far I have not. It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

9. Do you write smut?

I used to. I used to write a lot and enjoyed it. I find now that when I write smut it’s awkward and takes me at least a month to finish a smut scene because despite watching and reading reference materials (porn and other awesome smut fanfic here and on AO3) I don’t have the same mojo when writing it any more. I feel a bit sad about it, but there’s nothing that’s worked. It’s not like I don’t have thots. I just can’t get them in a fic. 😭😭

10. Craziest Crossover?

I haven’t really done many. One m/m fic where Din and Poe crossed blasters (pun fully intended), one sandwich with a female reader, Lucian Flores and Benny Miller, My Tim Rockford series where Dieter is his brother and that’s about it I think 🧐

11. Have you ever have a fic stolen? Not that I know of. So happy I’m in my small weird little box 📦

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic? Nope I would be open to it but I dunno how the process would work.

14. All time favorite ship? The Razor Crest, it has room for passengers. 😆

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Such heart ache 😣 My first series that I started was with Dave York (he was done so dirty dammit!) and it was pretty smut filled. Felt with him and the OFC’s messed up dynamic as well but because of all the smut and how I can’t seem to write smut to save my neck now, it will likely go unfinished. 😭

16. What are your writing strengths?

Honestly, I’m not sure. Maybe just the weird plot ideas I can make and dialogue. That’s about it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing a fic, SMUT, weak comedy (I can’t resist it though), fixating on small details that don’t matter and everything that wasn’t listed as a strength. What is writing really? Can I make the words go together? 😨

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Pretty cool, just make sure you ask a native speaker in that language to look over things before posting. I have found that some of my Spanish is too literal and no native Spanish speaker is actually going to say that. Plus each language always has little nuances you need to take into account.

19. First Fandom you wrote in? Marvel 👀 Look it was a phase dammit! 🫣 Leave me alone. 😭

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Nerdie will cheat again, because this is her post! 😆 I enjoy all my fics. Otherwise, why would I write them? But one stands above the rest. It gives me all the feels, giggles, some funny banter, smut that took a damn month to write and inspired @soft-persephone to tag me in a meme that @boliv-jenta made, Weddings 101 with Dieter.

If there’s one fic that I feel has the majority of my writing (all styles and facets) in it, Weddings 101 would be it. My humor, agnst, attempt at making a villain and sub-plots, slow burn romance with a goat as Dieter’s ride or die. 🤗 That trash panda gave me a lot so I wrote him a wild ass series. 😋

NPT: @tinytinymenace @megamindsecretlair @perotovar @pedroshotwifey @lady-bess

@djarinmuse @alltheglitterandtheroar @inept-the-magnificent @lotusbxtch

@jeewrites @rosecentaur1916 @westside-rot @jessthebaker @trulybetty

@rhoorl @musings-of-a-rose @saturn-rings-writes @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @magpiepills

@secretelephanttattoo @morallyinept @goodwithcheese

[piosplayhouse]

Horse Isle 3: The Yandere Sim of Horse Games

(or, an extended study in how to hate your own playerbase as much as humanly possible)

(or, or, tldr there's pretty much no updated information on just how ridiculously bad this game is so here's a writeup on how I got banned and all the subsequent information I found during my time playing for documentation's sake)

Part I. The Backstory

My beloved followers will know that a few months ago I began playing Horse Isle 3, a horse-raising MMO surprisingly released in the year of our horse 2019 despite its 1997-era website and Runescape-esque graphics. Some of my play through (mostly just horse pictures) is chronicled in my tag #homophobic scum horse chronicles ¹ if you want to see how drippy my horses were before they killed me.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have endless respect for small teams of game devs that manage to create insanely impressive products-- which HI3's elaborate real-genetics breeding system, its main draw, certainly is. Coding is hard, modeling is hard, moderation is hard. Tip a coin to your local small indie teams that work hard to make incredible art.

However, HI3 is far from an admirable success story about a small dev team that triumphed over its obstacles.

The game is known for a variety of things, chief among them being the staff's rampant homophobia (which has earned it the moniker "the homophobic horse game"), hilariously uncharismatic mods (to the point where one of the main moderators, Connie, is mentioned by NAME in the majority of poor reviews of the game), the dev team's unrepentant rejection of criticism, and racism with a side of downplaying war crimes.

(Screenshots taken from Sitejabber, here)

Now, it's marketed as a game for ages 8+, which, as I've briefly talked about before, is unfortunately a rarity in today's hostile internet climate. I grew up on a variety of typical child friendly MMOs like ye olde Pixie Hollow and PetPet Park, and truly lament that so many of these have been shut down over the years. As such, I have no issue with strict rules or word filters in games, with the caveat that they are effective and genuinely intended to keep people safe. Kids are naive, and can and will say things that they shouldn't (I, for example, got kicked from a Minecraft server when I was 8 because I posted in chat that my mom told me sex wasn't a bad word. things happen). Filters are a very appropriate tool to aid manual moderation of chat features, especially in an environment where mistakes will be made.

However, HI3's, as shown below (words that are forbidden from chat are marked in red), are... questionably selective.

(Screenshot taken by Alice Ruppert, from here)

This appears to be attributed to the fact that along with having horrible moderators, HI3 also seems to have a remarkably horrible developer backend, which is a trend that you'll see pop up quite a lot in this post. Taken straight from the horse's (haha) mouth, the lead developer is the only person who seems to be able or willing to add to the filter list, and for whatever reason only wants to block the "most common inappropriate words"- because saying transgender is more of an issue than nazi and gulag I guess.

(Screenshot taken from Top R.'s Sitejabber review, here)

¹ I'm not sure how far this will reach out of my audience, and since people have already assumed weird stuff about me I thought I should probably clarify-- I'm not calling the game "homophobic scum" ghghg, my play through was focused on making horse versions of characters from a novel called "scum villain", so I took the scum and added horse (I actually have another tag for a different horse breeding game called "scum horse chronicles" so I needed to distinguish them easily but am not very good at tagging). That's it.

Part II. The Game

The game itself is, putting it simply, a mess at best and openly hostile towards newcomers at worst. The game's UI is comparable to your average petsite with 20 thousand things to click on but if you tried to navigate that while also watching the Pilgrim's Progress movie by Scott Cawthorn on 90% of your screen. This is a very good overview of what your experience first logging in will be like, with the added caveat that talking in global chat costs in game currency and that the game doesn't tell you this at ALL until you try to type in chat, and that depending when you log on it's entirely possible that you'll spawn into a completely dead town miles away from anyone who can help you, wilderness survivor-style.

To make things more complicated, information about the game is split between the game itself and the laughably horrible website/forums. Spectacularly enough, the forums, which provide vital game information and rule elaborations, cannot be searched in any way (not via Google or any hard-baked search bar) and are regularly purged by admins to erase evidence of scandals and poor moderation complaints.

Now, something you will find to be generally people's biggest issue with HI3 is their strict no "date-speak" rule, which sounds ok on paper but is worded *just* vaguely enough to give the moderators full jurisdiction over whether or not they think you're breaking the rules. Selective moderation is a major theme in the HI3 chronicle, but it is perhaps most documented with regards to this rule, because what the hell does "boyfriend/girlfriend talk" even mean?? Outside of vagueness, this rule has also been scrutinized extensively by others due to the fact that a pair of previous moderators were openly married with the igns "FrogLips" and "MrsFrogLips". I don't personally think this is super condemning, since kids usually address adults by Mr/Ms etc whether or not they know they're in a relationship, but regardless it's clear that the complete lack of elaboration on what this rule means can be easily manipulated to lodge any number of complaints against people.

(Screenshot from the Horse Isle website rules page, here)

What I will say, however, is that this rule would probably hold more water if the game wasn't literally about breeding horses.

You can pimp out your horses, you can pay others to breed your mares, you can put any number of special (real life currency-bought) amulets on your horses to make them more fertile/have twins/give birth faster. I paid $1000 to castrate Jiang Cheng. The word "stud" (which btw, is another word for a black butch lesbian) is used constantly. Perhaps most shockingly, horse inbreeding is very common and accepted among the community, to the point that it is explicitly mentioned and EXPLAINED in the game guide; the only penalization for it is that your incest product foal will have a lower intelligence stat. Call me old-fashioned, but I feel as though implementing and acknowledging that horses can breed with their own relatives is hmm perhaps more harmful than another player saying the word gay, but what do I know.

(Screenshot from the Horse Isle website game guide page, here (only accessible with an account))

Well, you might ask, after you breed and sell a horse, is there any way to put a brand on it so you know it's from your ranch? That's where the "prefix" system comes in. Prefixes are bolded titles that appear in front of a horses name in lists and in the overworld, and are described in the official game guide as follows:

(Screenshot from the same Horse Isle website game guide page as linked previously)

I think you can toggle them off if you don't want to see them, though I could be wrong. They're basically just 1-5 letter titles you can put on your own horses (nobody else's, importantly). There's no way to search prefixes, and you won't see them in game unless either a horse with a prefix is listed in auctions or you actually encounter someone in-game and see their horse.

In fact, I would learn later that not even the moderators monitor the prefixes, and apparently have no way to mass-delete them. At all.

(Image taken from an anonymous friend)

Now, it's not unusual that a game as complicated as HI3 would inevitably have a pretty taxing server-side code. Millions of multifaceted assets and features is really nothing to scoff at. However, the notion that your lead developer has to perform a manual search in the game's code to delete the equivalent of a stamp from every instance individually is hilarious. I'm not going to pretend to be a game developer, but there HAS to be a better way of coding a feature that intakes user-generated content that should probably be monitored regularly than that, right? Or, at least, there should be a robust filter system that could prevent any issues from occurring before they would need to be fixed so tediously. You might think.

On December 29th, 2022, I discovered how to register a prefix. It's very common to headcanon the characters I was naming my horses after as transgender, and I thought it would be cute to attach "TRANS" to my horses as a nod to this. However, a filter blocked the word. I was disappointed, but not surprised², and then tried to think of another word that was under 5 letters. To my complete and gay surprise, "GAY" was not filtered out, and henceforth, this worked as my prefix.

As you can see on the popup here, there are scant guidelines for what the requirements for a prefix should be. And, in this moment of apparently utter foolishness, I was under the impression that since "GAY" was NOT filtered out despite there clearly being a filter on this function, it was ok to register. Possibly it's not filtered because it's a synonym for "happy", I thought, which is also cute because I do like when horses are happy. Perhaps the staff had learned from their past criticism and had loosened the restrictions slightly because they felt restructuring was appropriate now that gay marriage is legal in the US, I imagined.

(My original post)³

What I could not imagine, however, was that the only reason the word wasn't filtered out, despite being possibly the most common sexuality-related word, was just because the lead dev couldn't be assed to add it to the filter list. And that apparently I was supposed to know this because it would lead to a permanent ban on my second offense with no warning.

² Hence typing "eat shit lol". Admittedly childish of me, but I didn't put a lot of thought into the post because it was just part of a casual silly live blog I was doing to blow off steam. The "if I get banned" tag surprisingly was not referencing "GAY", as I genuinely thought I was in the clear for that for reasons stated above, but because I tried to register "TRANS" and then posted about it online. You don't have to believe me, but I feel the need to defend myself since some people have wildly extrapolated that my actions were malicious instead of just a split second decision I made because I was bored one morning.

³ Despite the pop-up box saying that prefixes cannot be removed, they actually can at any time, given only that the person that owns the prefix unregisters the horse from it. The unregistering mechanic is for whatever reason not told to the player upon registering the prefix, but is mentioned in the official game guide linked above.

Part III. The Ban, The Report

I will preface this section by saying that I played the game normally. I do like being outrageous sometimes for my followers' entertainment, but I really don't like dragging random people into my antics if they aren't interested. Because of this, I really didn't interact with other players unless we were mutuals on some other platform. I rarely used the chat feature except to participate in server-wide events that required team participation, and I typically just explored on my own for fun. In general I think I was a pretty ok player, objectively, which lines up with my user trust score.

You see, the way moderators of HI3 allegedly keep track of rule breaking is through a "user trust score" with points added if you use features in the game, help people, etc, and points deducted if you violate rules. Anecdotally I've heard that around the -10 total points mark is when moderators put you on a sort of list to be monitored for suspension or punishment, which is pretty reasonable.

By the time I was banned, I had a score of +31. The -10 offset was a part of this debacle. The only thing I had ever done in the game which warranted any kind of violation was, as you will soon see, literally just naming about 30 of my own horses "GAY", a sin egregious enough to apparently offset about 200 hours worth of playtime with no issues.

Because of this, I was a little bit confused on multiple levels. For one, I had never even seen a moderator in game, nor been informed of discipline at any time before. On top of that, their permanent ban notification is extremely strange and vague. The text pop up when you try to log in just reads "Account currently banned -1 minutes ().", which is probably just copied straight from the server-side code for things and just wasn't translated into user-side comprehensibility. You'll also notice there is a "()" section in the notification, which I would assume is where they put the reason for bans, except for the fact that mine was completely blank.

The website which allegedly would hold more info just repeated a near identical code: "BANNED! -1min. Reason:".

So, with nothing else to go off of, I messaged support on the jankiest help center submissions I've ever seen on a website with this:

"Insisting" and "total disregard" are very strong words to use for a situation in which I just typed a word into a textbox because the game let me, I'd think, which is why I tried to reason with her. The prefixes mentioned in my message are well-known amongst the userbase and are much older and wider-spread than mine, so I would think that there would be at least some sort of precedent for this. The "geldings and yearlings" reasoning was mostly a joke, but also intended to express that the nature of an acronym (as the majority of prefixes seemed to be) is that it can be interpreted in many ways. Intent was thrown around a lot when I was discussing the issues of prefixes with other users, and it seemed to have been used to excuse previous behavior in situations where mods liked the users in question better.

I also cannot emphasize enough how much they did not warn me about my prefix being removed. When I logged in and saw my horses' names did not include it, I was suspicious that the moderators removed it just because of the history of their behavior. However, I had no hard evidence because they did not inform me at ALL. Not through in-game mail systems, not through server messages, not through the website. Complete radio silence except for the addition of an unexplained "-10" to my user score. I did complain to some people that I thought it was removed, but a combination of things suggested that it wasn't a huge deal, so I mostly let it lie. For one, I had over 100 hours of playtime and was mildly worried that one of my chat messages had been flagged without my knowledge. For another, my profile text had also mysteriously disappeared, probably because of a glitch, so who knows what could happen in this game. Lastly, I went to the prefix registry again just to check and hilariously enough, they didn't actually block "GAY" from the database. Yeah, they apparently individually deleted it from all of my horses, but couldn't be assed to add such an "inappropriate" word to their filter system.

So I just registered it again and publicly told people that I would do it again if the mods didn't actually tell me to stop. I didn't really care about the prefix because to me, the feature was purely cosmetic. All I wanted was transparency from the staff.

Well, anyway, I assume Connie couldn't think of a comeback, so she just closed my report. I was annoyed because quite literally none of my questions were answered and she didn't even refer to anything in specifics. It would take less than 1 second to type the number of the rule I violated, but I guess that was too much work for her.

I tried to give them as many outs as possible to just apologize about poor communication, but they didn't even take the bare minimum. I would also like to mention that this support ticket process is the ONLY way to directly communicate with any staff. There's no ability to upload files or images on this system, and no email listed that you could contact. So essentially, there's no way to give actual evidence for anything you say even if you want to.

Kat, who is known as the slightly-more-reasonable-but-still-pretty-bad mod then picked up the case. Her response actually provided specific information, which made it leagues above Connie's, but still included some very strange elements for sure.

The notion that this game is intended for a worldwide audience is especially funny to me because you would really think if they cared about other countries they wouldn't violate their own rule one by using a slur for Europe's largest ethnic minority, but ok. It's a weird hill to die on considering how USA-dominated the staff's opinions towards rules are (Connie justifies the usage of a slur for Rromani people based off the opinion of a single roommate she had who reclaimed it, Joe defends a store in-game being called "The Gulag" because Americans don't think gulags are that bad (discussed and cited in the conclusions section)). But then again, picking and choosing what parts of other countries' customs you want to respect is very American, which is why I think they should add an extra star rating for its patrioticness on the website.

As I mentioned before, the prefixes I included in my response are definitely older and more commonly-used than mine, so I'm not sure how they wouldn't have seen them before. This comment also ties back to the suggestion that the moderators have very little control or insight over a distinct feature of their game, which is not a great thing to admit so casually.

Kat has a strange habit of immediately contradicting herself in the same paragraph, as can be seen here. "The glitches never happen and bugs were quickly fixed, but games still have bugs". "People that break the rules usually write in to ask what was wrong, but most people usually never ask". At this point I think we can confidently say that they don't even make an attempt to proofread any of their responses, to be honest.

Her 7th paragraph has one of my favorite lines in this exchange. "If we had to notify players every time we made moderator changes to their account we would spend 24 hours a day" is giving huge Yandere Dev "stop emailing me because I have to spend 24 hours a day reading all my emails instead of coding" energy. You really have to wonder why these people that seem to hate moderating so much are moderators.

You can tell by my response, but I do not like the use of "most" and "usually" in this at all. What's your standard isn't others' standards, and this is a topic which needs to be navigated gently, especially when kids are concerned. I never played the previous Horse Isles. I had no experience with the mod team, or with violations, or with anything because no one bothered to take five seconds to send me a message. No, I did not know that you would permaban me for typing a word that's in one of the most popular traditional Christmas songs in a place were only people who interacted with me would be able to see it. Most games would not do this. To take a lackadaisical approach to your literal job of community management because you want people to moderate themselves is contradictory to your claims of keeping children safe.

I will admit I was being a bit cheeky here as a subtle hint that perhaps they should take feedback, but I also would have taken a genuine response. I try my best to be as polite as possible to tech support staff because not everyone is! But they're people too and a simple thank you is worth a lot in customer service, even virtual. But Kat... you're not really giving me anything to work with here! If anyone reading this has feedback for how I could've rephrased things, feel free to comment them honestly. I actually ran drafts of these messages through a few people before sending them to make sure I was as concise and polite as possible, even if support clearly wasn't interested in reciprocating the effort ("following out rules using the the GAY to begin with"...?).

Part IV. The Backlash

I won't go too into depth in this section because it's more personal than documentarian, so feel free to skip to the next section if you want!

After this, the girlies were not happy with me. The one saving grace of HI3 that I've heard pop up over and over again is that the community is great. And a lot of users are! Don't think I'm disparaging people who play the game because I'm not-- it's a really fun experience with the right people. I was in a Discord server with a lot of people who were extremely helpful and kind.

However, within the community, there's also a pervasive culture of silence. According to Alice Ruppert of The Mane Quest, a lot of people will refuse to go public with their complaints about the staff due to fear of retribution, which I feel is unfortunate but understandable. There's a pressure to shut up and eat your food lest you be seen as someone causing controversy for the sake of it and ruining the sanctity of the game, which is an attitude explicitly encouraged by the staff (discussed more in the next section).

I liveblogged my entire correspondence with the support team to a group of other players for the 2 days I talked to them, and did have a lot of acceptance from people who appreciated someone speaking out. After the 2020 Mane Quest article, public information had sort of just gone dark as the community was pushed further into niche seclusion, despite things not improving at all. However, towards the end of my messaging, a group of people that I had never even spoken to or seen online before accused me of a variety of things ranging from "displaying my sexuality to children" (note: all I ever did was name my horses "GAY". I never once talked about my own sexuality in-game, nor did I say the word in chat ever) to "joining the server to cause drama" to "mocking the lgbt community by throwing around the word gay" (actually I'll attach a picture of this one even though I don't want to put people on blast in this section just because its so funny).

I think most of this can be attributed to the game having gained such a notoriety that longtime players, especially those with strong nostalgic feelings, have become completely desensitized to it. And this compounds with the fact that the game is so niche it doesn't yet have a good alternative to turn to to create a toxic cocktail where people tell themselves that they have to be loyal to the staff to play this one of a kind game-- and that anyone who doesn't follow them just doesn't understand. It's really sad, honestly.

Part V. Conclusions

I don't necessarily think the devs of HI3 are legitimately consciously homophobic-- unfortunately LGBT rights are still controversial amongst the largely southern and rural population of horse enthusiasts, and I could understand if they felt it necessary to skim the line towards conservatism to maintain a userbase. It's cowardly and dumb but it's not a sin to do what you have to do to survive in a capitalistic hellscape as cutthroat as the game industry.

However, what I do think the devs are is power-hungry and hypocritical. They have failed at every turn at community management because they're unwilling to admit they make mistakes, instead choosing to issue non-apologies like "[we] regret you guys got so upset and did not realize neither our true intentions nor motivations nor the whole situation [that we said it's ok that a player has a shop called The Gulag because it's 'not direct or violent']". To respond this way to a userbase filled allegedly with young children as a fully grown adult with a wife and kids is laughably out of touch. 'Sorry your fee-fees were hurt by our adult moderator responding to a serious complaint about inappropriate user-generated content with "lol", but actually you just misunderstood us and we're going to ban anyone who brings this up again' is the sort of response you'd see from the teenage mod team of an Undertale amino, not the supposedly responsible head dev of a 'rare oasis of kid friendly content'.

Telling an audience of impressionable kids that the fact that their feelings are hurt is their fault for not intuiting the intentions of 40+ year old adults is unbelievably toxic, and it's no wonder why people are so nostalgia-bound to feverishly shut down criticism about the games. They've been guilt-tripped into believing the mod team can do no wrong and any controversy, even if valid, that springs up is just extrapolated by people that haven't been laboriously groomed to know what the mod team wants to hear.

Countless times throughout my time researching and playing the game, the number one advice I've heard has always been "suck up to the mods or they won't do anything for you". It's crystal clear that the moderators care more about the joy they get from having power over some 200 users who will kiss their ass if they say a buzzword more than they care about you, your child, or the game itself.

It's essentially a model scam Kickstarter's wet dream, a game propelled to release and popularity by its singular defining feature and left to fester on the shelf as the only game in its niche market. Because of this, I believe there's truly no better way to describe HI3, with its messy backend, refusal to improve, narcissistic moderators, broken features, poor visuals, and inefficiency than as the Yandere Simulator of horse games.

[mummybear]

My Brother's Best Friend - Chapter 5 - Unwelcome Visitor

Words : 3831

Warnings: Swearing, Grief, Angst, Anniversary Of A Death, Talk Of Virginity, Degrading Talk And Threats, Protective Stiles And Scott. Think that's it.

Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall, Reader/Sadie McCall, James(OC), Mystery Person! Find out in the next chapter ;)

A/N: So sorry about the wait once again guys! Really hope you like this chapter! Let me know what you think and feel free to ask for a tag if you would be interested! :D

Chapter 5 - Unwelcome Visitor

Stiles doesn’t even try to stop you when you leave your room, and you have to force yourself not to look back. You hold back the urge to ask if he’s coming. Whatever his reasoning, you need to get out. If he’s acting this way because he needs space, then he can have it. Nothing else matters today, you have somewhere more important to be. You can’t let yourself get distracted by anything else. 

Today is the anniversary of Callie’s death. You’d promised yourself that every year on the day of her death you would go to her grave, to take her flowers and tell her about what was going on in town and in your life. After all, you’d made sure to be with her for every birthday celebration when she was alive, why should the anniversary of her death be any different. 

Last night you’d planned to tell Stiles about your scheduled visit after breakfast, but right now, with everything going on between the two of you, the distance could be good for you both. Besides, food is the furthest thing from your mind. As you enter the kitchen the entire room falls silent, and you can feel the ball of nerves that sits at your throat, like a heavy weight that never leaves. Wringing your hands together, you take one look at the plate of food on the table and sickness sweeps through your stomach. 

You feel someone take hold of your arm and you turn to face your mom. She gives you that all knowing look, that she gives better than anyone. She pulls you over to one side, as far away from the others in the room as possible.

"What happened? This isn't just Callie, is it?" She whispers, more than aware of just how many beings with super hearing are around.

Swallowing thickly you feel the tears pricking at the edges of your eyes.

"Can we do this later? I promise, I won’t bail, I just need to get out of this house, I need to get some air.”

Sighing deeply she shakes her head gently. You can easily see the worry in her gaze and the guilt of making her worry causes you to hesitate a little.

“It’s okay. If that’s what you need to do right now, sweetheart, then just be safe. Call Scott or me if you need to speak to someone. Just don’t shut us out, okay?”  

She pulls you into a tight hug and presses a kiss to the top of your head.

“Never, I swear. I’ll be back later, okay?” 

You can’t face anyone else, so with a final goodbye to your mom you head out. Maybe the others knew not to even try to talk to you, since nobody even tries to stop your escape. You inhale deeply as the fresh morning air hits you in the face, you put on your headphones and select the playlist that you’d updated earlier in the week. Slowly you make your way to the cemetery, trying to ignore the thoughts which want to invade your mind. It’s a peaceful morning, where only a select few people wander the streets. A lone tear rolls down your cheek as you step through the entrance of the cemetery, and you make no move to wipe it away as you slowly make your way to Callie’s grave.

You smile softly when you see her grave coming into view. There are clear signs that people have been here recently, probably her parents, maybe even her grandma. 

You sink to your knees right in front of the headstone, gently brushing away the fallen petals of the flowers which have been left behind. You carefully pick up one of the photos that’s leaning against the gravestone. 

The tears come thick and fast, because it’s a photo of the two of you. One of the last ones you’d taken before her death, and your heart breaks all over again.

“Hey Cal, here we are. I can’t believe it’s been a year already,” you sigh softly, looking up at the sky briefly, before you allow yourself to look back at the headstone. 

“So much has changed since… you’ve been gone. Especially in the last few days. Honestly it’s been kind of crazy. I guess I’m still not one hundred percent sure that I didn’t dream… well… all of it,” you chuckle to yourself as you wipe your eyes on your sleeve. “I need you now more than ever, God, I need you.” You let out a shuddered breath before continuing. 

“That’s selfish, I know. I just miss you, so much. I miss your smile, your laugh, your advice and constant support. Nobody ever did get me the way you do… did, not sure they ever will again. I can practically hear your voice every time something big happens to me,” smiling at the thought you place the photo back against the headstone. “Things have definitely escalated with Stiles, to say the least. Beyond anything we ever talked about. I still can’t wrap my mind around it all.” 

Remembering your other best friend, another wave of grief hits you. 

“Josh still talks about you, all the time. He’s just full of regret, Callie. I know you probably don’t want to hear that, I’m sorry. But we both are, though his reasons are a little different to mine. I know you would lose your mind with what I’m about to tell you, if you were here.”

You smile fondly, thinking of her crush on Josh. “He wishes he’d told you about his feelings for you. Before that awful day that turned everyone's lives upside down. Before everything went wrong…. and you were taken from us. He loves you so much, I’m not sure he knows how to cope with the situation.”

Tears roll down your cheeks once again, showing no sign of stopping, as you wipe your arm across your face. Doing your best to focus on her name written in stone right in front of you, though it’s blurred with your tears. 

“We both wish we’d been there to save you, to help, hell, to do something. I’m so sorry, Callie. I should have saved you…. somehow.” You whisper hoarsely, feeling the unbearable ache in your chest.

Pulling the letter from your pocket just like you have on every visit, you place it under the flower pot, in the small hole you’d made. Knowing that Callie’s parents likely read these letters every time they visited. You’d made no secret that you’d been leaving them there, and every time you returned the previous letter had been taken away. The amount you came to see her might seem strange to some people, but you couldn’t help it, maybe that would dwindle a little with time, though right now it felt like the right thing to do.

A shiver wracks your body as a gust of frosty wind blows through the cemetery, the bushes around you rustling. You wrap your arms around yourself, resting your head on your bent knees.

“I swear this gets harder every time I come here, Cal.” 

You stiffen, feeling a presence behind you, without needing to turn around or even lift your head, you let out an irritated sigh.

“You of all people shouldn’t be here, especially not today. Not around me.”

“You still owe me. It’s been a year, grow a set, Love.” 

Fury fills your every thought as you lift your head and quickly get to your feet, turning to face him.

“What the fuck are you talking about? You’ve got some nerve, you son of a bitch!” 

“You’re still hot when you’re angry, princess. But don’t sass me, and leave my mother out of it would you. You know what I want. I’m here to collect.” He grins at you with those stupid white teeth, and you remember just how dangerous this man is. You’d fallen for his charms when he’d promised to protect Callie, if you went out on a date with him. He’d obviously been full of shit, since she was dead. He had seemed like the only option at the time. Scott was busy with the pack, and you hadn’t wanted to bother him over something that might have been all in your imagination. Something which you’d regretted to this day. 

“Excuse me?! Collect on what, exactly? You promised me you would protect my best friend, which you clearly didn’t do! Since I’m sitting here at her graveside. So get fucked, James. We haven’t had anything to talk about, not for a long time.” 

He’d lured you into a false sense of security when you’d first met. You were lonely, obsessed with your brother’s best friend, who’d never looked at you twice. Then this hot werewolf came along, promising you he wanted to be there for you, that he only wanted to help. You’d been an idiot to fall for it, but he was hot, charming, confident and seemingly capable. You would never fall for his shit again. However, he was dangerous, so you needed to tread carefully. At least that was what the smart part of your brain told you, unfortunately, you weren’t listening to that part, you were hurt, upset and consumed with thoughts of Callie. Not to mention your earlier interaction with Stiles.

“Stay the fuck away from me you scumbag,” you all but growl, your fists clenched at your sides.

James turning up out of nowhere after such a long time, and here of all places had your common sense at breaking point. 

However, before you can act you’re pressed against a tree with his big hand wrapped around your throat.

“What the fuck did you just say to me, you ungreatful little bitch?!” he snarls, his face impossibly close to your own. 

“You’re kidding me right! She’s dead! You didn’t do shit, James. There is no deal! What exactly should I be grateful for?” You grit out, trying to ignore the pain in your throat when his grip tightens.

He leans in closer, running his nose along the side of your neck inhaling deeply.

“Still just as pure as last time, in all the ways that matter to me anyway.” He chuckles deeply, as he pins your arms above your head with his free hand.

You shiver in disgust as he licks up the side of your neck with a groan, “get the fuck off of me.”

Suddenly he stiffens against you and you jolt in his grip as he rips your t-shirt down to reveal the rest of your neck and collarbone, and you immediately know what he’s seen.

“Who’s fucking touched you. You were supposed to be mine, you whore.”

Before you can even think of a reply a deep rumbling growl fills the graveyard, and you shiver involuntarily in his hold and a whimper slips past your lips. That growl is quickly followed by a few others, but the ground shaking roar fills you with relief.

James tosses you aside and turns to face the pack of wolves who are quickly advancing on you both. Your eyes fix on your brother immediately, the tension and fury coming off of him is palpable. You force yourself to climb to your feet, but you don’t dare to go around James. You know how quick his reflexes are.

So instead you try to focus somewhere else to calm your nerves, but as much as you try to avoid Stiles’ gaze, it’s like a magnet pulling you in, and when your eyes lock his eyes begin to glow purple. You hadn’t noticed that James had edged closer to you until it was too late, and his hand was wrapped in your hair tightly. 

“Let her go.” Scott demands as you’re forced to your knees. Scott’s eyes begin to glow red with the power of the Alpha that flows through him.

To James’ credit he does well to hide his flinch, but not well enough judging by the looks on the packs’ faces. Everyone except Stiles, who is now standing at Scott’s side, still focused on you. Scott reaches out just in time to stop Stiles from taking another step towards you.

“What’s it to you? You’re the true Alpha, right? So go find your own bitches to play with. This one is all mine, and she needs to be taught a lesson about what happens when she disobeys me.”

Scott’s smirk is dangerous as he takes a step forward, and you can’t help but wince as James’ grip tightens in your hair.

“Even if I ignore the fact that there’s a woman being held by you, who clearly has no interest. I can’t exactly ignore the fact that she’s my twin sister, and she’s in trouble. So, here’s how this is going to go, you can either let her go right now, or I’ll make sure you regret it.”

James remains silent as he stares back at Scott, you try to pull your head away as he lowers his mouth to your ear, “you can go for now. Just know, I will find you again, when nobody is around to save your ass. When you’re all alone again, I’ll finally take what you owe me.” The threat is as clear as the anger in his voice, he throws you forward with so much force you land at Scott’s feet. 

Scott reaches for you to help you up, but sudden movement has you distracted as you watch Stiles walk forward.

“You so much as speak about Sadie like that again, and I will fucking hunt you down and rip your throat out. You touch her again and you’ll damn well pay for it. You want someone to blame for the marks on her, you’re looking at him.”

“It was you?!” James spits as he squares up once again, and Stiles just smirks at him.

“Stiles, don’t.” You rasp, stepping in front of him and resting your hands on his chest, until he looks down at you.

His eyes drop to your neck, probably seeing the marks from James’ hands on your skin. His fingers gently touch the skin as his eyes move back to yours.

“Stiles, get her out of here.” Scott demands as the rest of the pack move in behind him, pushing you and Stiles to the back of the group.

Swallowing hard, Stiles moves his eyes away from your neck and to your surprise he takes your hand, gently tugging you along with him, until you start to follow on your own. You’re surprised, but extremely glad that he actually listened to Scott for once without argument.

“Are you okay?” Stiles asks hoarsely, as his fingers tighten over yours, he instinctively pulls you closer to his body.

Things still feel a little awkward and strained between the two of you. However, there’s no denying that you feel yourself relaxing now that you’re close again. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop your feelings from this morning, resurfacing.

“Yeah, I’m fine Stiles. Thanks for coming for me,” you sigh softly, looking around the forest as you continue to walk away. The sounds of anyone else, all that noise it just disappears, until it’s just the two of you. 

“Of course we came for you,” he sighs in reply, and you drop his hand now you know nobody is watching, and wrap your arms around yourself. Unfortunately the feelings from this morning return completely as do his words, repeating on a loop in your mind.

You scoff, unable to help yourself. You move quickly, coming to a stop causing Stiles to follow suit. Allowing you to walk in front of him, so that you’re face to face.

“Why, because I’m Scott’s little sister? Because I’m your responsibility now? Let me save you the trouble Stiles, you’re under no obligation to save me! I was fine before you decided that I was worth your time, and I’ll be just fine after you leave!” You all but scream at him, feeling the anger surging through your body. Somewhere deep inside you know you’re angry at him, furious even, but there’s a very small part of you that feels as though not all of this anger is being aimed in the right direction, but it’s like you just can’t control yourself.

Stiles looks taken aback for a moment, though you can see that your words have hit their target, and hit hard by the look of hurt that crosses his face. Although he also looks worried, he still steps closer, and you clench your fists at your sides as he cups your cheeks in his hands.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sorry, Sadie. I was such a fucking idiot this morning, you caught me off guard, and as usual my stupid mouth said shit I hadn’t even processed yet. What I should have said was that I was scared to tell you, of all people, what had happened to me. I was worried you’d see me differently, stop giving me shit, and I couldn’t lose that look you give me when nobody was watching us.” You feel your anger beginning to calm as he rests his forehead on your own.

“I should’ve told you that I was too chicken shit to make a move before all of this happened, that I’ve never been happier to have almost died. And now that I know how good we are together, I can’t imagine being away from you. I should’ve told you that although it’s only been a day and a half, everything with us feels beyond right,” he takes your hand and rests it over his heart, you let your fist unclench as he lifts his eyes to yours, you feel a tear slide down your cheek. “You calm this beast inside me… well in all the ways that matter at least.” He smirks at you and you feel a smile tugging at your lips.

“Well, I suppose that is a much better answer. You always ramble when you get nervous.” You agree with a smile wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him closer as he buries his nose in your neck, inhaling deeply.

You wince when his fingers brush the bruises forming on your throat, and you feel the growl in his throat before you even hear it.

“He wont fucking get away with this, Sadie. I promise you. If Scott doesn’t make him pay, I will. Nobody should lay their fucking filthy hands on you.” 

Trying to lighten the mood a little, you tip his chin so your eyes meet. Doing your best to take the attention away from the thing that’s making his mood sour.

“Well, everyone except you, of course.”

The purple flares in his eyes as he backs you up against the closest tree. You can’t stop the whimper from slipping past your lips as his body presses in tightly against your own. 

“Was that an invitation?” he asks gently, tugging your head back by your hair, so that he can press soft kisses to your throat, masking the other man's scent on your body the best way he knows how. 

The kisses come to a stop just as fast as they’d started as Stiles pulls away to look you in the eye.

“Why did you stop!? It was definitely an invitation,” you pout at him, trying to pull off your sulkiest look.

He groans in regret, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, “look, I need to say this before I lose the nerve, as much as I hate to admit it, not everything you said this morning can be talked away between the two of us this quickly.”

Swallowing thickly you meet his eyes, “what do you mean?” 

He looks unsure of himself as he runs a hand through his hair, settling on scratching the back of his neck.

“We do need to go see Deaton. Sooner rather than later, you do need your options as much as it kills me that this might come back to haunt me. But we also need to find out what else he knows.”

“I was upset, Stiles. I didn’t mean anything by it.” 

“I know you were, with good reason. Sadie this isn’t some kind of trick, I just want you to have all of your options. If we keep going, you know, with this thing between us. Then I think we need to fully understand what you’re getting yourself into, and honestly, I really need to know what the hell is going on with me.” Stiles tells you nervously but with so much passion you’re no longer able to argue.

You sigh sadly before wrapping your arms around his neck again. 

“I know you’re right, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. 

“Trust me, I want to slap myself right now.” Stiles sighs, sitting down leaning back against the tree. 

You smile and carefully straddle his body, gently sitting down in his lap.

“Okay, so say I agree to go. Will you tell me how long you noticed me watching you?” 

You giggle as that playful expression crosses his face and he wraps his arms around you and pulls you close.

“You weren’t exactly subtle, Minx.”

“So how long?” you whisper against his lips.

“A few years. I liked it, you’re so beautiful, so smart, like my forbidden little secret,” he murmurs quietly, softly brushing the hair back from your face. 

“You should know it was much longer, I had so much planned for you. Still do.” 

“Come on, don’t do this to me, not now. I’ve always loved that bad girl sparkle in your eyes.” 

You can’t help but grin, and the thick bulge you’re now sitting on is only putting a strain on your self control.

“And you never thought about making a move?”

Stiles bites his bottom lip as his grip tightens around you.

“Oh, trust me. I thought about it regularly. Things have changed though, I won’t fuck you, or make love to you or mark you, not until we know everything. Then as soon as we do and you make a decision. If you choose me, I promise you, a pack of wolves couldn’t stop me from taking and marking what’s mine.” 

You moan at his words just before his lips crash against yours, you get lost in the passion as you grind your hips against his, the two of you holding onto each other like the world is going to end. Suddenly Stiles pulls away and his hands grip your hips halting your movements. 

“What is it?” you whisper sensing his distress.

“Someone’s coming, trust me and stay close,” He whispers in reply, carefully getting to his feet, he pushes you behind him.

“No matter what happens just promise you’ll stay behind me.” He sniffs the air and his body stiffens under your hands.

“Oh, Mischief,” a haunting voice calls and a shiver races up your spine, you know that voice.

Tags:

@julzdec @lettersofwrittencollective @mogaruke @lilulo-12fanfiction @charmed-asylum @defenderrosetyler @emilyshurley @foxyjwls007 @mylovelydame21 @akshi8278 @peaches0007 @stylesismyhubs @peachyyybabyy @fantasy-myth1 @death-unbecomes-you @coffeebooksandfandom @magssteenkamp @screamxqueenx94 @brien-odylan @riseandshinelittleblossom @ceceliaking-18 @mrs-mitch-rapp93 @missindecision @deans-number-one-fan @onethirstyunicorn @amberboo329 @chewie-redbird @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @ilovewriting06

[black-salt-cage]

so a bit of a frustrating update but it's something that keeps happening that I need to address

we've been dealing with a problem where several people (and we know it's several for a fact) have been sending us in spam messages that range from creepy and parasocial to, in my opinion, borderline harassment and usually in large volumes (and I mean it when I say it hasn't been less than ten messages at a time so far. I've counted and kept track of it with close friends) and-you guessed it-it exclusively happens with people on anon. It has also come in the format of sending an insane amount of requests regardless if they went against our tos or otherwise. So there are now new rules in place

anyone that sends what I feel are suspicious, spam, creepy/invasive, or otherwise get blocked. this includes if you are on anon and that is exactly what was done to our most recent case that happened before I logged on today. If you aren't aware we CANNOT unblock anyone blocked on anon by any means. So if you think about doing something like that on anon, just know that there's no going back from that. you will permanently be unable to access this blog.

Furthermore, should this continue to happen then I'm sorry to say that I will no longer offer anonymous asks as an option. Should this happen you will be provided the option to send in a request and have it be anonymous as you like, but I will not continue to leave this option available if people continue to abuse it. We haven't even been nearly as active as we have in other times and I don't understand why this is continuing to happen. Also, because of these instances of spam, I'm deleting several requests that I thought about being nice and doing even though they didn't follow our rules (but didn't directly go against the blacklist) but now I can no longer trust. I know many of these were sent by the same person, so if you are that person and you have a legitimate request, I see to it that you read our carrd that's been made readily accessible to anyone who looks at this blog and make sure you do it right the next time.

I'm usually not insistent that everyone follow the guidelines to a T, but I need to put my foot down in this instance. Sorry to those who didn't do anything wrong, you can thank the types I've spoken about for this.

Before I end the post, do not think for any reason that you are an exception to the request status and that I'll do your request if you screech in my ear to give it to you 20 times. This has been happening with one very specific source of media that I've stated before is only in the whitelist because my friends know it well enough that they can guide me on what I could do to make a board for it look good. I'm dangerously close to moving it to the blacklist for this reason. That is not to say everyone who's requested from this thing has done anything wrong, I'm just noticing that for some reason this thing is involved in a lot of this instances and I don't even really like the requests I do fulfill for it cause I know so little about it and thus don't feel I can put my best effort into it like I could a board about most other things in our whitelist

oh, sorry, one last thing; anon hate gets you ip blocked immediately as well. think before you respond to this post if it's offended you, because there's a damn good chance that I don't care about how it's made you feel

[marshallpupfan]

Marshall Merchandise Update!

I sometimes wonder if I should number these merchandise update posts, but I'm honestly not sure how many I've made since I first started doing this. Let's just pick a number at random and say it's #23.

In any case, I managed to add a few new items to my Marshall collection today. Nothing too big, but they're still pretty cool, imo.

Okay, so... I made a post last night about how I was lamenting the lack of holiday-themed PAW Patrol merchandise this year. Well, as it turns out... I'm a dummy, because I completely forgot about buying this thing a few weeks ago. I didn't show it off at the time because I wanted to have a few other items to show off with it.

Actually, when I first seen this thing on Ebay, I thought it was an older ornament. I'd never seen one like it before, and when I Google-searched it, the results came up empty. I thought I found another rare ornament, so I quickly snatched it up! You can imagine my surprise when I got it and, upon inspecting the tag... it said "2023". Oops. lol

In any case, this ornament's from "Primark". The tag even says it's hand-painted (you can kind of tell, honestly). Strangely, it's not listed on their site, unless I'm just looking in the wrong place. Only one has appeared on Ebay so far, and I haven't seen it anywhere else at all yet. Well, there's some store out there selling them, but I know not which one... all I know is I'm happy to have one. :)

Next, a "Slow-Rise Squishies". They also come in Chase and Skye, too.

Unless I'm mistaken, you can't find these in the USA right now. Yup, this is another imported item! From Canada, in fact (thankfully, the shipping was low). Admittedly, the likeness is pretty spot on, not to mention it's bigger than I expected it to be. I think it's pretty cool!

Last.... er... this thing. It's just something I randomly found on Ebay one day, so I decided to bid on it. Admittedly, it's also bigger than I expected (around 4 inches tall - the Squishies is slightly taller, at 4.75). Sadly, it's not in the best condition, but I can't say I'm too surprised. I'm honestly lucky to find any previously-owned item in good condition, especially given the age group these toys are meant for.

I'm not sure, but I suspect this thing may not be official. Typically, each item, even if it's a small piece in a set, has some sort of number or information on it. I've posted a few examples above, just to show you what I mean. This item, however, doesn't seem to have any such thing. Maybe there are exceptions, but chances are, it's an imitation you can find cheap somewhere. Despite that, I think it matches the character close enough, so I've no problem including it in my collection. It wouldn't be the first counterfeit in there (and likely won't be the last, since I still have my eye on a few I'd like to buy someday).

That's all for now! I can't say if I'll find too much more by the end of the year, so this'll probably be it for 2023. Chances are, the next items I show off will be the Jungle Pups toys, unless something unexpected pops up between then. Maybe I'll get lucky and find some of those Canadian-exclusive items... but I wouldn't bet money on that. lol

[matan4il]

It's been a month since the lives of every Jew around the world was changed and I know that I for one will never fully recover from this. I'm sending you and everyone I know in Israel so much love and support because I know that at least I can live relatively untouched by what's happening.

I desperately want to talk to my non-jewish friends about what's going on but I honestly still have no idea how to do so because the situation is so unbelievably horrific that without having actual family and friends involved (or living in Israel), I don't think it's possible for anyone to appreciate how fucking terrifying everything is.

The news broke today of an American Jew dying after being attacked at a pro-palestine rally and there has been zero coverage of this outside of Jewish circles. I still check behind me when I commute because I'm afraid someone is gonna push me under a train because I am Jewish.

I joked, in the dark way that a lot of us do, that would I have to die for the gentiles to take the Jews' fears seriously and now someone has, it's clear that is being murdered in broad daylight (and not ok Israel because apparently it's clear that being in Israel invalidates your right to life in a lot of people's eyes) isn't enough to even get people to listen to us.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Hi, love! Sorry it took me a moment. I'm doing my best, but I hope you know that my heart is always with you!

I feel exactly the same. My life will never be the same. Everything feels different. And we will heal, but scars this deep, they don't disappear. They will always be there. We have been forever changed. And I think that's... I think that's a Jewish experience that many former generations had, and we fooled ourselves to think the generation of the Holocaust would be the last one to go through this.

IDK what advice to give you on talking to your non-Jewish friends. I can tell you I've had many who reached out to me, and it's been so heartwarming. I've had three that I reached out to, but pretty much because I saw them spreading hate filled posts, and I thought they could, and would want, to do better. That didn't really work out, but then I guess if they were extreme enough that I felt compelled to reach out to them, maybe this attempt never really stood a chance. All I know is that I do feel better for having tried. But if you have friends who are not that far gone, yet they haven't been talking to you about this, then maybe an option would be to tell them that you need to share your feelings and thoughts. People often shy away from politics, but if they're really your friends, then they would listen to you sharing these more personal aspects of what's been going on.

Yes, the news about Paul Kessler's homicide were horrifying. A 69 years old man shouldn't have to be scared to go out expressing what he thinks in a free, democratic society. Please, do be careful! What this world should be, it clearly isn't.

I'm gonna be honest, after everything our people had gone through, I'd rather Jews be alive and hated, than spoken of compassionately, but dead. If the world had shown full empathy for every single one of the massacre's victims, I would still give all of that empathy away to have our people back, alive and well, unharmed. What's insane is that even dead Jews no longer get any empathy, not in Israel, and not outside it, as you've pointed out. So many people who claim to be reblogging anti-Israel posts, because they value human life, have failed to reblog anything condemning the massacre, or the rise in antisemitism, or mourn Paul.

IDK what we can do other than be there for each other, and speak up as much as we can, and where and when it's safe for us. I am sending you so much love, and the softest of hugs, okay? Please do let me know how you're doing, if you feel like it. xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[eriyu]

i beat xvi so here are my reactions from along the way

for posterity (my future self is posterity)

i did not do this in any kind of organized way like i think i skipped writing anything down for big portions of the game;;;

spoilers obviously. and also after this i'm going to start reblogging xvi things including spoilers tagged #ffxvi so. be warned.

i guess i'll link my demo impressions because this is basically a continuation of that.

a mite predictable so far....... though i did think cid was gonna crystallize instead of regular dying.

GODDDDDD i wish there were a chatlog. or at least that dialogue were progressed manually. i don't have the focus for this shit when i can't even rewind it.

i love the combat a lot. which is weird to think seeing as i'm very much a turn-based fan and really. don't play action games ever. but it feels very kingdom hearts to me? there's even shotlock.

THE BIG MOMENTS ARE SO SO GOOD. A+ ON THE MELODRAMA.

clive is prime whump material and i love it.

some of the worldbuilding is a little baffling... mostly ORCS? REALLY? WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY CLASSIC FF OPTIONS TO CHOOSE FROM.

personal preference i guess but i feel like they could chill with the "mature content" a bit....... how many sidequests do we need to drive home how shit Bearers are treated. how many random sex workers does one game need.

i was going to complain about linearity, but things opened up nicely soon after i thought it, so props there LOL

i know it's supposed to be "dark" but like.... i want to fall in love with a game world. i want to wish i lived there. i want unique local flavors and COLOR. most of this so far is just generic medieval squalor. even places like the treno slums had beautiful waterways and plucky npcs and... COLOR...

jill feels like......... an afterthought. sometimes she's there; sometimes she's not, and it doesn't seem to matter either way. she barely talks. we haven't seen shiva in game since we first met back up with her. there's a vague implication that jill's doing important things but that's kind of it???

jill update: okay Things Happening but like. now she's out of commission? i'm getting sacrificed-for-man-pain vibes. i don't know; it's too soon to say that, but it just doesn't feel great.

the state of the realm UI is SOOOOO good. it's a bit of an overload in the way xiii's datalog was, but it's fine if i remind myself i can read things Later.

oh my god i love shotlocking a zillion enemies in a tornado.

i really love mid but "midadol" sounds like a pharmaceutical.

CANON GAYS?????

ultima looks like a tumblr lumpy-faced reptilian oatmeal man.

the voice acting is so good. like clive's screaming and crying reminds me of dub gaara's "MY BLOOOOOOD" which is the highest compliment i can possibly give.

oh my godddddddd the fighting at twinside is giving alexandria. again, in the best possible way.

okay seriously where the fuck is leviathan though. i keep wondering when leviathan is going to show up and i'm starting to think he's... not.

jesus christ i couldn't stop thinking about clive and joshua and dion today. i want to eat them.

look i KNOW clive and josh had a really good reunion moment in twinside but consider this: i want another one. i think they should have had another one at the hideaway. i want more tenderness. i deserve more tenderness.

they pronounce "chocobo" AND "popoto" with a short o in the middle like "chock" and "pot" and i'm so uncomfortable.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME. WE LIKE JUST PROMISED JOTE WE'D KEEP JOSHUA SAFE AND NOW WE'RE SPLITTING UP. i'm so afraid everybody will die.

all the xiv references ;w; for some reason it's the quest names that keep getting me??? "through the maelstrom" this time.

i REALLY really wish jill's character didn't just revolve around clive.............. is my impression but i don't know if that's entirely fair of me. like if i made a list of bullet points i don't know that she's any worse than say, tifa with cloud. but it Feels worse. i WANT to love her, but i'm just not feelin' it.

god i want to be able to switch between two eikon/ability sets. i want a single-target setup and a trash mob setup. not even to switch mid-battle; i know that could be OP, just switchable in the menu.

i legit panic every time joshua leaves the party. like NO we're supposed to be WATCHING HIM??????? EVERYBODY IS GOING TO DIE IF I LET MY GUARD DOWN. also i love him. i can't stop thinking about him. continuing the proud tradition of square enix joshuas (being loved by me).

"EVEN LEVIATHAN THE LOST IS HERE" OH THANK FUCK.

uhhhhhhhhhh active time lore is absolutely giving me spoilers? MAJOR spoilers??? what the hell????????

reverie givin' me legend of dragoon vibes. like wingly stuff. i love it.

daaAAAAAMN zantetsuken OP????? but as it should be tbh. i love it.

hey

hey

HEY

i'm sad.

for real i. i feel like i'm not as upset as i COULD be because i was really emotionally preparing for Everyone to Die through the whole game. but wow. this still hurts.

i actually got maliciously spoiled with "clive dies" before i even got the game in my hands and partly succeeded at not letting that ruin the experience for me, but. damn i had a little bit of hope that it was a fake spoiler until i saw his hand.....

jesus christ though. ow.

i mean it was a largely satisfying ending. the fights were good. the Moral of the Story felt a lil heavyhanded but i do love the Power of Friendship. it could have been a lot sadder. but i'm such a sucker for a real happy ending o|--<

i think trying to brute force myself into liking jill more has made me like her less;;;;;;;;; i will try a different approach. her getting left behind for the end didn't help though. for the record i'm talking about liking her as a character. she's a perfectly lovely person.

holy fuck i'm emotional about joshua though.

oh no the post-credit scene made me sadder. it feels like a character flaw of mine but anything about losing magic, ever, makes me SO SO SAD. even when i KNOW it's supposed to make for a happy ending. like in kiki's delivery service when she can't hear jiji anymore??? fucking destroys me and not in the good way.

and joshua........... o|--<

i've really been looking forward to finishing so i could go look up shippy things but i just feel like. oof. now. i need to marinate for a while first. this isn't the time for shipping.

[kanguin]

Honestly I want to add on that Discord isn't just a bad way to spread info and support about your project. Even confining the community to a Discord server ONLY can be detrimental to longevity of the community.

The problem with Discord-Server-Only communities is twofold:

Discord servers are private from the web and not web searchable. Effectively speaking, Discord servers are isolated caves that do not connect to the rest of the internet, not the rest of Discord. They are black boxes to the outside world and literally antithetical to the nature of the world wide web. While this is amazing for chat rooms and community centers for whom privacy is appreciated, such as among friend groups, gaming teams, support groups, and so on, it is actively stifling to open communities and development feedback, as everything said on the Discord server can only ever be found by searching the server itself. This can be compounded as an issue if developers and support for PUBLIC games and projects are only accessible on PRIVATE servers, essentially gatekeeping information. Anyone can be kicked or banned from a server at any time for any reason admins see fit, so every user is at constant risk of sudden cutoff from access to information.

Discord servers, being privately owned in nature, are way too easily deletable and lost. One bad day for a developer, one wrong move from an admin, one malicious act by a power-tripping admin, and poof, it's all gone. All discussions, all Q&As, all documentation, all photographs, all information held within, period, gone in the blink of an eye. And again, because they are privately owned, NOBODY BUT MODERATORS AND ADMINS CAN MAKE BACKUPS, NOR ARE THEY AUTOMATICALLY BACKED UP. Discord servers are high risk storage environments because storage of information is always at some sort of risk due to their nature.

I'm not saying that Discord is badly designed and should either not exist or be reworked from the ground up, I honestly don't know enough about its efficacy at its intended functions to say as much. In fact, I honestly believe Discord is a far better chatroom and voicecall service than Skype ever was, with the exception of animated emojis for non-premium users (I will always miss you, dancing roast turkey...). It's certainly better programmed than Skype's later updates (not that Microsoft's application development teams make that any sort of competition).

What I'm trying to say is that when you view Discord through the lens of its original intended use, Discord's design philosophy makes sense. The best way to design a chatroom and voicecall service for online gaming and social communities is to make millions of blind alcoves of information inaccessible from the wider internet. But that is the only usecase in which being designed that way is advantageous. A service like Discord cannot effectively and safely replace open web services like web forums, but it's made to by the simple fact many people have probably already thought of:

Most web domains cost money to license. Discord Servers don't. Even the ones that don't require technical knowhow for web design that today's average user lacks. When faced with the decision between either purchasing a web domain or hiring a web developer onto your team, or opening a free Discord server, indie game devs of today are going to do the latter 100% of the time. And I want to be clear, I'm not okay with this, I'm not defending this, I'm merely explaining.

If you are passionate about access to information and have a connection to a project, charity, game development, or other community that would best be web searchable, it's up to people like you to put pressure on these people to realize the risks they are taking and difficulty they by existing only on Discord. Put pressure on the admins to go onto the web and establish a more permanent community and archive of information.

And if by chance you're reading this and you're in charge of a project, program, or community that discusses information the public should have access to, please look into forums. No they're not relics, a lot of them are very modern in design and you may not even think of them as traditional forums. For instance, while it has its issues, Reddit is a forum, has a massive userbase already, and it can be very accessible to the wider web depending on the subreddit's settings. Consider setting up a subreddit for technical discussions, and another for memes and community building, and then a discord for community events and general live socializing. That way if Discord suddenly implodes one day and takes all servers with it, you won't lose everything. As it stands, even if Reddit implodes, much of its content can be web-archived by services like archive.org. Of course, the safest way to preserve your forum is to have your own independent one, or at least one hosted by a stable webhost that can easily be wholesale backed up and imported to a new host should the old one go down.

I know this was long, but I've been on the internet since childhood, I've used every type of service I've mentioned at the very least as a user. Some of my earliest memories on the web were in the early 00s lurking on Zoo Tycoon forums (many of which have since gone the way of the dodo themselves). So take it from me as the oldest end of Gen Z, take it from more experienced millennials, and make a forum. Please. We don't want to join your Discord server to search up one thing.

[hug-milestones]

The fool I am

ooh the fool I am…

earlier today, I realized that I had gotten to 1000 hugs and I was going to make a post here on TUMBLR.COM/BLOG/HUG-MILESTONES celebrating the fact that we (i) reached this goal. I had forgotten to do as such for some time but I eventually made a post and the missed posts I needed to do before the main event and I made a huge fuss about it within the tags.... but as it turns out, when I got hugged by my lovely GAY boyfriend (or by my lovely ex, I can't really remember, they both make me very happy), I had went to my hug counter to proudly update it and put a thousand AND ONE onto it but when i looked, it was only at 900. I was confused as first, then concerned, then panicked (I had already figured out what had happened). I questioned myself, "wasn't this at 1000? we (I) reached 1k, where's the number follows by a different number repeated thrice?! "I have no idea what happened. I didn't know what to do. I could just change the number to 1001, ooor I was wrong and maybe the counter was correct. or maybe the counter had terribly suffered some sort of injury and had forgotten it's last 100 hugs. oh my poor, sweet and lovely counter... you don't deserve this, what happened to you!? but I didn't matter, why was i dilly-dallying this whole ordeal? there shouldn't even be an ordeal! I should've just changed the number to 1000 and 1. and if I wanted to make a comedic moment of the situation, change it to 1000 and then 1001. hah, isn't that funny? but it didn't matter, all of this didn't matter, for I had already known what had happened at the moment I saw 900. the reason why I was staring at my screen for a minute and 30 seconds, maybe even close to TWO minutes, because I already knew what had happened. while 1 minute and a half may not seem as much time, when you're staring at a screen for that long, unmoving, going back and forth in your own head, that 1 minute and thirty seconds was painfully long. I had known from the very beginning. I didn't reach 1001 hugs. In fact, I had never reached 1000 hugs at all. I was at 8 hundred and 99 hugs... I saw I was close to 900 and to my dyslexic, non-intuitive brain, I had though I reached 999 after not doing the post right away when I got that "last hug." there was no "last hug," there was no 999th hug! only a hundred hugs added retroactively without even knowing it. 100 false hugs as if it were the 100 and more false memories I've had throughout my life as of far. just another false memory to add to this unrelated counter. not even a false memory but an incorrect remembering if something which I could've checked before hand to know how many hugs I've already gotten at the point. but I didn't check! I was so sure of myself. I had believed my memory was right and that was suffice. needless to say, it was not. my memory isn't the best and my issue with remembering numbers is an ongoing situation sprouted from my early childhood. in retrospect, I should've really had at least some doubt in this goal. this was a big deal after all, and in the early days of journey before I started this blog, before my dear counter was made, before I had even thought of making a place to store the rather useless number that I hold dearly to me, enough to make a record of goal, I was careless with them. I had a predecessor to this archive. it was in the bio of one of my other social media accounts. I wasn't as careful with the record of these hugs as I am of them now. I had guesstimated some amount of hugs after a point for I had always forgotten to update the counter right after getting one. I don't know for sure if I had 50 extra false hugs that never existed or was missing 20 hugs given by those who care for me very much enough to give me this act of compassion with cherish very much.

but even after all of this, it is a tad silly to obsess over the amount of hugs I got after a point. I realized I should appreciate the people who care for me and gaze upon all the friends and close ones I have that have given me this great amount of hugs. but I do appreciate them, I really do, I just don't feel like I do enough to show it or feel the way I feel. so I archive these milestones in hopes to show that I really do care. I care for everyone and I thank all of you for all these hugs. and I thank everyone that has hugged me and cared for me before the arbitrary point in time that I decided to start this journey in remembering my friends and loved ones. I appreciate you all. I thank you for all your love and I hope to give and receive more. I also thank you my little counter. I am a fool, a silly one at that, but I'd rather be like this than to not appreciate all these acts of love. that would be foolish than me now, and imagine that! something more foolish than me. quite silly indeed. I hope I'll continue to record all my received and given hugs from the people I care for the most accurately as I can and I understand that it may never be as accurate as I want it to be, but at the end of the day, I have people who care for me and I care for those people as well. for the record and to clarify why number I'm supposedly at as of writing this, I am at 904 hugs. a hundred or so false hugs isn't anything compared to the close to a thousand hugs I've had. even if it isn't actually a thousand, close to a thousand is enough for me. thank you and I'll make my next milestones "correct." I won't be removing or editing the previous false one but I fact keeping them for this is an archive after all. not only to keep record of all the hugs I got and to record the people who I've had them with, regardless of the situation. thank you

[pooepw]

87 - fun stream

Stream

I continued to play on the SP world that I made for CTE: 2 Resolution. I decided against playing any of the new modpacks I found, which were DawnCraft, All The Mods 9, and Prominence II, since I did not feel as though they were as good as CTE: 2. Although all of those other modpacks were a bit more fleshed out than the modpack I played, I still find the feeling behind the overhauls Mine And Slash makes to be more interesting than them. I will go over each modpack and why I did not like them as much in the following sections. As for what I did in my world, I continued to build my house. Not super exciting for a modpack that overhauls Minecraft into an ARPG experience like that of POE or Diablo, but I chose to work on this since the modpack is soon to be updated with a rebalancing patch along with patches to the quest system. This left me with one thing that would go unchanged: the huge fortress of a house I was building. I also constructed a simple mine today by using the veinminer mod that was in the pack. Very convenient.

Prominence II

Going in order of best to worst, I thought that Prominence II was a great experience for a modpack. It did have issues with getting it to run since LWJGL would not work with the latest patch, but that will likely be fixed because downgrading enabled the modpack to work. Getting into the content of the pack, I enjoyed the lorebuilding the pack did with the quest system, along with the plethora of quests to do that involved the different dimensions. This is where I think this modpack has a leg up against CTE: 2, but the gap will be filled as CTE: 2 is fleshed out more by the developers. Where Prominence II fell short for me was the build system. When I saw that this modpack had a talent tree, I first thought, "This must be where all the ARPG enjoyers are going for their Minecraft ARPG experience fix," but after closely examining the tree, there was not much to the tree itself. Every node was a simple passive, other than the nodes furthest out from the center. As to give more understanding, the way that much of the damage works in this modpack is that there are elemental damage types that are embedded within weapons as well as physical and ranged damage. I thought that the simplicity of the nodes were more suitable for a leveling system rather than a talent tree, with many of them being something along the lines of "Increase ____ damage type by #%" and do something else simple like +5% spell critical damage. I did not go too far into the modpack, but I do not think that I saw much else in terms of building a character.

TL:DR - Prominence II was a good modpack, I just thought it was too simple with the talent tree and character building.

All the Mods 9

This modpack is an iteration of a group of modpacks. I think I remember playing the very first iteration of the modpack a while ago, as well as the spinoff All the Magic: Spellbound, which I got really far in. All the Mods 9 was not a bad modpack by any means. In fact, I really enjoy modpacks that have a high variety to do. The only problem that I really had with it was that I did not really feel like playing this kind of modpack. It feels like a modpack that I should not stream but just play when I feel like I just want to explore a large variety of mods. I played a rather small amount of this modpack thinking I was going to stream it instead, but now I think I will just play it solo.

TL:DR - All the Mods 9 is great! I just do not want to stream it.

DawnCraft

I played DawnCraft more than All the Mods 9 but less than Prominence II, and I did not really enjoy the experience. One thing about DawnCraft is the expectation that the player will constantly be switching perspectives with F5 since it is mainly to be played in 3rd person, and this was a feature I disliked. Honestly, this was probably the only feature I disliked. I know that this is really nitpicking and biased, but I simply do not like having to constantly switch perspectives in Minecraft, and it was totally necessary for this mod since your own attacks could not be seen in 1st person too well, but doing the ordinary Minecraft actions like chopping wood, placing blocks, and mining necessitated switching to 1st person. Maybe if the perspective system was changed to work like Skyrim this would work better since Skyrim just uses the mouse wheel, which is less intrusive.

TL:DR - I do not like having to swap perspectives constantly when playing Minecraft; I have played for over a decade and have never enjoyed playing in 3rd person. DawnCraft forces me to do so.

This is the end of my TED Talk about how to uninstall Minecraft. Please pick up your copy of Terraria as you leave.

[vapehk1]

VOOPOO ARGUS P1s review: Stylish and Fast-Charging Future Pod Kit

When it comes to vaping, the Voopoo Argus P1s is a device that's hard to ignore. This pod system is the new sibling of the already popular Argus P1, which you can read all about in this detailed review. But today, we're exploring the Argus P1s, a device poised to revolutionize the vaping landscape. Product Specifications Before we get into the experience, let's look at the specs: - Size: 117.325.713.5mm - Pod Capacity: 2ml - Material: Aluminium Alloy + PCTG - Power Range: 5-25W - Output Voltage: 3.2-4.2V - Device Resistance: 0.5-3.0ohm - Charging: Type-C, 5V/2A - Battery Capacity: 800mAh - Filling Type: Side-filling First Impressions: Design & Build Quality The Argus P1s boasts a Cyberpunk-inspired design with an aluminum alloy body that feels premium to the touch. The device also features a transparent window that showcases its internal circuitry, adding a futuristic flair. I opted for the Cyber Black variant, and it's nothing short of eye-catching. Key Features & Performance Battery & Charging The device comes with an 800mAh internal battery, offering a power output range of 5-25W. What's remarkable is the fast charging capability; you can fully charge the device in just 20 minutes via a Type-C cable. However, it lacks passthrough charging, meaning you can't vape while it's plugged in. Pods & Flavor The kit includes two pod cartridges: a 0.7-ohm and a 1.2-ohm mesh coil. The flavor output is exceptional, especially with the 0.7-ohm pod, although it does consume the battery a bit faster. The 1.2-ohm pod offers a more balanced MTL experience. User Experience The Argus P1s is draw-activated, eliminating the need for buttons. The LED indicators are a handy feature, keeping you updated on the battery status. One of the most compelling advantages of this device is its cost-effectiveness. Priced between 20 and 25 Euros, the Argus P1s offers an exceptional value proposition, particularly for those who are new to vaping or transitioning from disposable e-cigarettes. The design, described as "Cyberpunk," is not only aesthetically pleasing but also adds a unique flair to the vaping experience. Furthermore, the device's performance is commendable, especially for beginners. It provides a versatile draw, allowing for both Mouth-to-Lung (MTL) and slightly restrictive Direct-Lung (DL) vaping, thereby catering to a broad range of user preferences.   However, it's important to note that while the device excels in many areas, it does have room for improvement. The battery life, particularly when using the 0.7 Ohm pod, could be more efficient. Additionally, the absence of passthrough charging functionality is a limitation that prospective users should be aware of, it doesn't work while being charged. Despite these drawbacks, the Argus P1s stands as a robust choice, especially for those looking to quit smoking. Its advantages, particularly in terms of price and performance, make it a highly recommendable option in the competitive vaping market. Comparisons & Recommendations Voopoo's coils are arguably some of the best in the industry. The airflow is well-balanced, and the draw is satisfying. If you're looking to quit smoking, this device is a solid choice. The fast charging is a significant advantage, especially for those always on the move. https://youtu.be/SoPfB6kF4Kg What's in the Box? - 1 * VOOPOO Argus P1s Device (800mAh built-in) - 1 * VOOPOO Argus Pod Cartridge 0.7ohm 2ml - 1 * VOOPOO Argus Pod Cartridge 1.2ohm 2ml - 1 * Argus Pod Platform Card - 1 * Type-C Charging Cable - 1 * Lanyard Final Thoughts The Voopoo Argus P1s is a well-rounded device that ticks almost all the boxes. It's stylish, efficient, and offers a fantastic vaping experience. While it has minor drawbacks, it's far from a deal-breaker. If you're in the market for a new pod system, the Argus P1s should be at the top of your list. Buy Voopoo Argus P1s from VOOPOO official site: https://www.voopoo.com/argus-series/argus-p1s.html Read the full article

[jayreviews]

Apples are falling very far from the store

Hey it’s Yaj!

Quick update on the headphones: they’re amazing. I love them even more than I thought I did. The noise cancellation is a god send and I’m not even joking.

From previous posts I said how I lived with a big family, and said family has so many kids, and said kids make a lot of noise, and said noise is lowered when I turn on my headphones. Thank god I bought them cause my window was looking really tempting.

I did want to buy AirPods so I went to the store next to my house and asked for the cheapest not gonna lie. He said they were ten dollars and warned me that they weren’t the original and I was like ‘Well yeah they’re like ten dollars how would they be original?’ so I bought them but my tiny little shrimp brain didn’t think of asking about the sound or even seeing if I can try them at his store first.

So when I went back home to try them, in the nicest words I can think of: they were very much not what I wanted. The sound was very bad, the packaging was very good for ten dollars.

Anyway, I returned and got my money back.

I don’t need AirPods anyway.

Also I haven’t been playing as much as I did in summer cause obviously?? I have classes. And it’s exhausting. I went to my last class of the day today, spent money on the bus, sweat a lot cause summer sucks, walked to my class and finally sat down, only to get a text from my friend sending me the email our doctor sent saying ‘Oh there’s no class come in the weekend’ like?? Miss ma’am sir that should be illegal.

Anyway so I sat in the air conditioned room cause I wasn’t dumb?? And went home after an hour.

And new topic: What is up with apple?

I keep hearing about how the iPhone 15 overheats when you use a charger other than the one you buy, breaks when it bends but honestly why would you even buy a phone that expensive only to bend it?? rich people man. I want to be this rich in the future so I could but an iPhone just to bend it.

So I updated my iPhone 12 to the new iOS update because it hadn’t stopped bugging me about it, and what do you know, it’s been hell on earth.

My battery is more draining than before, my applications keep crashing, the new auto correction wON’T TURN OFF AND I AM FED UP BECAUSE WHY IS IT LIKE THAT??

And there’s another update to the one before, but it needs at least 6GB for it to update and like?? I have the 64GB you think I have enough space??

I’m crying.

Also my computer is lagging too much, the stupid thing won’t click unless I restart every time I open it. None of my applications will work unless I do that.

So I need a new phone, a new computer, and because I’m a hoarder and I like collecting things that are not normal and because it would look so cute, I want an iPad. With a keyboard. And an apple pen.

You think if I got just the iPad with the keyboard and the pen it’d replace my computer? Not like replace replace but it’d help for college right? Idk.

Yeah the window looks very tempting. It’s calling out to me.

Plus I’m responsible for this club in college and I have to do so many things and buy stuff and talk to so many people for this other thing and we don’t even have the budget so we’re all paying from out of pocket.

(We had the first meeting last week and so many people were starting at me. But then my best friend wad like ‘Well yeah it’s cause you’re the president’ and I blocked her. But there were two cute guys staring at me the whole time. Let me be delusional okay??)

Oh oh!! And there’s this cute guy in some of my classes but I’m terrified he’s a minor (like he’s 17 not 18 yet fresh out of high school) and like ew. So I’m remaining safe and keeping it close from a distance. Like, friends is okay. If he’s 18 then woohoo I can have a crush. But if he’s 17 then haha jail looking real fine right now.

So.

How are you guys doing?

Until next time.

Byebye!