#I have got antibiotics but no pain relief

[clownaddict]

I was in so much pain tonight that I legitimately started crying. I haven't cried from pain since I was a child. I only managed to fall asleep for a few hours due to consuming every over-the-counter painrelief we had in the house. Called the dentist as soon as I woke up and told them about it and the first thing the receptionist asks me is "Have you tired Ibuprofen?" HAVE I TRIED IBUPROFEN??? YES BITCH I HAVE. I HAVE EATEN SO MUCH IBUPROFEN IM PRACTICALLY MADE OUT OF IT AT THIS POINT. "Oh I'll go ask the dentist about it and call you back later" ISTG the fear of prescribing proper pain-relief in this country is going to kill someone

Update: they did not call me back and my face is now twice as swollen. Fucking yay.

[godsiick]

does a lil 😊 bc im home and drugged up

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Dad!Simon "Ghost" Riley w/ a sick baby Headcanons and Imagines list

Am I back with the Dad!Ghost content? You know damn well I am, also yes the render I used is courtesy of our beloved @ave661 who's most definitely annoyed by my existence by now for constantly tagging her.

Will I ever stop writing Dad!Ghost? Fuck no, why? Daddy issues and baby fever, if you want anyone to blame, it's those two. And yes, I will be upset if this doesn't do well. (AHEM, MY SOAP POST)

Taglist of who I this would enjoy this and requested: @puff0o0, @blingblong55, @cutenote, @wise-owl and @connorsui. This last creator by far has given me the best fucking commentary on my work and I have more works on and coming about Dad!Ghost, genuinely thank you so freaking much, you made me cry 😭.

I'M BACK! Let's start, shall we?

❥ Dad!Simon who's a very nervous first time father, well there's a first for everything and so is the first time your guys' baby got sick.

❥ Dad!Simon who immediately got them a check up, it was a common flu. Naturally medication and antibiotics were prescripted.

❥ Dad!Simon whose heart melts once he hears the soft whimpers of discomfort of the little on as they stir in the crib. The soft raspy cries and flushed chubby cheeks and warm, almost burning temperature.

❥ Dad!Simon who is trying his hardest not to look back the car seat when you were on your way to the clinic, to check on the baby whose little cheeks are bouncing a bit while being entertained by their pacifier, the little cooling patch on their head making their forehead crinkle a bit.

❥ Dad!Simon who was amused by how talkative the little one still is despite being so drowsy and in pain. Babbling their little heart out while sniffling.

"Dada!" the little on calls for Simon, almost in a screaming manner if it wasn't for the poor little thing's scratchy and sore throat.

They let out incoherent babbles to Simon as if trying to tell him something, as if they're chatting like they used to, the only adjustments being the constant sniffles and coughs. Them being reduced to their clogged nose while trying so hard to communicate. (Here's your visual)

Simon took the warm baby bottle from your hands to feed the little one.

"Bee, slow down.." A new nickname picked up by Simon to give to your little one, bumblebee, trying to tell them to slow down from chugging.

❥ Dad!Simon who never thought the baby wouldn't get any more clingy, at least not until they got sick. Constantly asking for "dada" and "mama" while he goes on about his day trying to help his wife, you, to keep up with the chores around the house.

❥ Dad!Simon who feels a bit guilty because he loves the comfort he's able to provide the baby, especially that they're not comfortable and less than happy with the sickness. Having the baby on his chest, patting their fragile back gently with a hand that's almost bigger than their body as their dad's heartbeat lulls them to sleep despite being irritable the whole day.

❥ Dad!Simon who joins in when the baby entertains themselves while playing with the various rattles and teething toys.

Bumblebee shaking the tiny rattle, a bit in frustration, knocking their self back. Luckily Simon had intense reflexes and managed to slip his hand in time between the cushioned but still quite hard floor and the baby's tiny head.

Simon let out a breath of relief, "You sure know how to scare me, don't you bee?"

The baby let out a strained giggle as their dad guided them to sit back up by their head and back.

❥ Dad!Simon who slightly chuckles when the baby's breathing starts picking up, their lips trembling into a pout, little doe eyes starting to get glassy from the tears forming with a pitched whimper, only to be silenced by a kiss from both you and Simon. The toll of the sickness only ever being reduced with yours and his affection.

❥ Dad!Simon who tries his best to make the baby take the prescripted medicine, that baby did NOT like the taste of it and he had to resort to sneaking it in their food to hide the taste of the bitter syrup.

❥ Dad!Simon who makes the little one blow their tiny nose.

"Come on pumpkin, copy dada okay?" Simon whispers while exhaling loudly out his nose, careful with the baby's sensitive ears.

The sleepy eyes of the little one trailing on him, trying to observe and copy, blowing their nose on the soft wipes Simon held against their nose.

After wiping it, Simon noticed how their nose now unclogged helped they sleep far more easier and with less frustration from them.

Shout out to a very consistent person who has been liking all the things I post despite them not being actual content @poohkie90 <3

Also I had no idea @simp4konig and I were mutuals, I'M FANGIRLING SO HARD WHEN I SAW THE LIKED POST NOTIF.

Sidenote: I'm sick rn y'all, like it just kept on coming. First was my period, then next thing I knew my nose is clogged and I'm sniffling, then the next I'm coughing and sneezing. There's so much blood rn I can't even. I don't feel good at all but I'm pushing through. Apologies if this was shorter than most if you expected from me, I wanted to elaborate on this prompt however I don't have much ideas so I'm sorry to disappoint.

[rumade]

A post about birth

I had a baby on Wednesday early in the morning (it's Sunday evening right now), and a couple of people have asked what labour and delivery was like for me, if I have any tips etc, so I thought I'd make a post about it. TW for all the things you might think of with regards to birth: medical stuff, vomit, diarrhoea, blood etc.

The raw facts: I delivered vaginally, in the bath in hospital, with pain relief in the form of Pethidine, Codeine, gas & air (Entonox), and a TENs machine. No true induction, but two membrane sweeps with prostaglandin gel. From onset of true labour (regular contractions), to delivery, was about 9 hours, which is pretty fast for a first timer.

Membrane sweep: This is when a midwife assesses your cervix, and if possible, inserts a finger with prostaglandin hormone gel and moves things around. My first one was when I was 2cm dilated at 39 weeks, and it was UNCOMFORTABLE. I would say a similar cramp feeling to having an IUD inserted, with less of a pinching feeling. Unlike IUD pain, this ends when they take their finger away. Afterwards I had blood and mucus for about 36 hours. I had a second sweep at 40 weeks at 10:30, just under 12 hours before I went into labour.

Early labour: I HATED EARLY LABOUR. I'd been working on this quilt and said that I would have the baby as soon as I finished it, and in some act of dark magic, pretty much as soon as I finished sewing on the label, I went into labour. Rough time 9:30pm Tuesday night. Early labour for me started with lower back pain, similar to the kind I get on my period. I then had diarrhoea and vomiting in tandem, so was sat on the toilet holding a bucket and puking into it. I'd just had some fancy rhubarb and raspberry leaf tea, so it came out a pretty pink colour!

When I could, I did hip circles and other moves sat on my yoga ball, which I think helped a lot. Eventually, we cracked out the TENs machine, and my husband stuck it to my back. When a contraction came on, I'd press the boost button, while also trying to press the timer button on my phone to time contractions. I phoned the hospital a few times, got told to take paracetamol, puked up the paracetamol, got the shakes from puking. My contractions at this time were ranging from 30 seconds to 1 minute, and apart from the period following puking, when I would shake and they'd go haywire, they were pretty consistent. Every 7 minutes apart, then 6 minutes, down to 4 minutes, and getting painful enough that I couldn't handle the twin tasks of activating TENs boost and tapping the contraction timer app (2 buttons were beyond me).

I phoned the hospital and they said it sounded like I was in established labour. We grabbed my hospital suitcase, my backpack with skincare, laptop, and a few other bits in, secured a taxi through an app. I was contracting strongly and couldn't walk when they happened, so was holding onto our fence in the light rain, waiting for the taxi. When it came, it was about 2:30am. The streets were clear but the ride felt like it took forever and the taxi driver looked very tense. We arrived at 2:49am. I got out, immediately had a contraction and held on tight to a plant pot outside the hospital. The porters held the lift for me and we got up to the 7th floor, where I had another contraction right outside the door of my room. These ones felt PAINFUL. Very much in my back.

We got in the room and I stayed in my nightdress (didn't want to change into a hospital gown). Cervical assessment was 5cm at 3:15am. I asked for Pethidine. This is an opiate that they inject into you. Firstly, they wanted to get a cannula into my hand- I had an infection called Group B Strep and they wanted to make sure they could get antibiotics into me. Until the painkiller took effect, I tried to manage pain with a spikey massage ball, alternately digging it into my thigh and smashing myself on the side of the head with it. It helped. The team offered me gas and air, which I declared to be "shit". I think I was expecting to get high and have fun with it, but it barely felt like it did anything.

The Pethidine took the edge off, but made me drowsy. It allowed me to handle the feeling in my lower back, and the team gave me some oral codeine alongside it. It's worth knowing that they won't give you these close to the end of labour because it can make baby drowsy and hard to assess. At this point I could kinda talk in a drowsy way and I managed to put on music, including a Nujabes playlist. I then said "I'm not cool enough to give birth to hip hop" and swapped it out for some other lofi and a study strings playlist. The lower back pain was still intense and I was stick of being vibrated by the TENs machine, so I asked them to run a bath.

2nd stage labour: This other sensation had started, and I didn't know it at the time, but this was the start of the actual delivery. It didn't actually hurt, but instead felt like I was being squeezed by a huge snake. When these surges happened, they took my breath away, and I struggled to follow the "down breathing" pattern that I'd learnt. I think at this point I asked for an epidural. The midwife, somewhat sternly, said "you need to tell us what you're feeling. Does it feel like you need a big poo?" which really annoyed me, because it didn't feel anything like I was needing a big poo. Maybe I just eat more fibre than 90% of the population, because I shit with the effortless nature of a premium racehorse. This felt like my body was being crushed, but not in a painful way- the back pain between these surges was still awful though.

I asked to get in the bath. They told me I couldn't have an epidural if I was in the bath. I said "ah, I don't want to waste the water", and got in the bath (~4:45am). The intense surges were getting closer together now and I was really struggling to breathe, so I made use of the gas and air to try and remind myself to breathe out through my mouth. Midwife managed to do a cervical assessment (I'm not sure how because I was on my hands and knees but I think I managed to briefly flip over for her), and told me I was fully dilated.

At this point, it started to feel like I had a cannonball inside me that was being dragged out by an electromagnet that was being turned on and off. A friend had told me that for her it felt like she could really feel her baby's head engaging and moving down, and I realised this was what I was feeling too. I stayed on my knees, semi upright with one hand on the side of the bath and the other gripping the Entonox tube. I told everyone I could feel that he was coming.

The thing about pushes is... well, they always say "you'll have the overwhelming urge to push". I'm not sure that urge is the right word here. Like I have a lot of urges throughout the day, but none of them have ever felt like this. This was something my body was doing whether I liked it or not, I couldn't even really tell if I had any conscious control of anything. A surge would come, and I guess I was pushing along with it, but it didn't really feel like I was baring down until his head was truly in position.

Ring of fire: right when the baby's head is at the gateway of coming out of you, you get a sensation that they call the "ring of fire". This is your cervix fully opening. I don't remember this actually hurting as much as I was prepared for it to, but I followed advice from a youtube video and made little outbreaths, like "you're blowing out the candles on your baby's birthday cake". And when it had subsided a little, I began to actually push in earnest. My waters finally popped at this point, so don't expect yours to necessary go in the supermarket, Hollywood style. When your baby is RIGHT THERE, you can't deny it, but there's this weird space in between the surges where you feel so lucid, before one grips you again. I got REALLY annoyed right there because the midwife unhooked my bra in preparation for skin to skin. I think I snapped at her "what are you doing?! Get off my bra!" My husband describes it as "it was like you were talking to a boy you don't like."

You're not going to deliver baby's head in one push. It will hover there, kind of pulsing in and out with each surge until it eventually breaks through. You have to lean into this pain and pant and breath. When the head finally breaks through, there's another lucid pause, and it's the weirdest liminal space in the world. Then there's one more push that feels like your insides are unfurling like a huge flower, and then you look over and the man you love is sobbing his eyes out, you realise "Concerning Hobbits" is playing, and the midwife is telling you to gently turn over and somehow lift your leg over the cord so they can easily lift baby away. And this impossibly huge, blue creature gets plonked into your arms in a towel.

Then I got stabbed in the leg with an injection to help deliver the placenta. That bit didn't hurt at all. I asked them to save it so I could get a little biology lecture after (which was great). Watched a lot of blood, and what looked like cud (I am guessing it came out of my arse), pooled in the bath as the water drained. Somehow stood up and got plopped on the bed for stitches. Stitches were horrible. 2nd degree tear (butthole fine, perineum in peril). They put a lubed up finger up my bum to check. That was nice.

So anyway, that's how I gave birth. Sorry this is long. I don't have the energy to edit because I just had a baby.

My biggest advice to anyone who is planning to give birth, is that you need to lean into the pain. This is also true for breastfeeding, because at the start it's quite painful. That pain is going to get you your baby. Some people are able to recontextualise it as something other than pain, but I recognised it as pain, some of which my body had felt before (the lower back, the period cramp sensations), and some of which it hadn't (the cervix stretching).

Apart from that, look up videos of natural delivery. Actually I felt watching a couple of episodes of "I didn't know I was pregnant" a bit helpful, because if those women could deliver without any pain relief or knowledge of what was happening, so could I. You have to remember that billions of people have given birth, successfully, without misery or dying. And it's possible for you too.

Birth and pregnancy prep. Get as fit as you can the year before you get pregnant. You will need powerful arms for dragging yourself around during labour and for holding your baby. Eat properly through pregnancy, and walk a lot. In your final 4 weeks, eat dates every day if you can afford to- they are apparently clinically proven to help open up the cervix. I also ate pineapple. Yoga ball is good for opening the hips and working baby into a good position.

Lastly; the afternoon before I went into labour, I watched Big Trouble in Little China. You should watch that. It's hilarious.

[rottenpumpkin13]

Miiiiight have gotten strep throat, SO!

How do you think SOLDIER(and Cloud because at that point, he's there everyday) would handle it? Who got it first? Who gets the terrible earache on top of sore throat? Are they all turning to Angeal for home remedies? This kinda stuff!!

*Poof* Everyone has strep throat, because why should you suffer alone?

Sephiroth: Is hit with a violent physical toll. The throat symptoms are severe, but the headaches, body aches, and overall fatigue are worse. It's as if Sephiroth.exe has stopped working; he can only lie in bed while listening to loud, dramatic classical music on blast. He says it's to soothe his spirit, but by the sixth play of "Lacrimosa," Angeal peeks in to see what's happening.

*Sephiroth has a black blanket over his head and is clutching Masamune while rocking back and forth*

Angeal: You okay there buddy? Why do you have your sword with you?

Sephiroth: To defend myself from the Grim Reaper.

Angeal: ........

Sephiroth: I often wonder if anticipating death with the same excitement one reserves for the arrival of an old friend hastens its approach. I suppose I’m about to find out, as I can feel health slowly leaving my mortal form.

Angeal: Oh my god

Angeal: Is extremely sick, with a burning throat, but he’s trying every home remedy he can find to speed up recovery for everyone. He’s brewing teas, mixing honey and lemon, gargling with salt water, and setting up humidifiers throughout the apartment, hoping the moist air will soothe everyone’s throats. It's not working.

Genesis: Has the worst sore throat of the bunch. His pain is so severe that he can barely swallow, and speaking is incredibly painful, though not impossible. He takes to using a mini white board to communicate with his friends, and he will quote Loveless using nothing but images, don't test him. The last time he tried, his voice came out so raspy and uncharacteristic that Sephiroth laughed for ten minutes straight before throwing up :( Speaking of Zack,

Zack: Nausea and vomiting hit him hard. He can't keep anything down, not even water, but his appetite is still there. It doesn't help that strep throat means Angeal is making the most fragrant chicken soup ever, that Zack can't eat unless he wants to throw it all back up. He's the equivalent of a cat snooping over the soup pot when his owner isn't there.

*Angeal checks in on Genesis*

Angeal: Do you want some soup?

Genesis writes: Did Zack eat?

Angeal: No, poor thing keeps throwing up. Chicken soup will only make him sick, so—

*The sound of a pot lid clattering and retching from the kitchen*

Angeal: DON'T TOUCH THE SOUP GOD DAMN IT! ZACK IF YOU THREW UP IN THE SOUP I SWEAR I'LL SEND YOU TO MEET THE REAPER—GO BACK INTO YOUR ROOM SEPHIROTH HE DIDN'T SHOW UP YET

Cloud: He got the earache, and while he’s taking antibiotics like everyone else, his primary coping mechanism is to lie in a fetal position on the cold floor of the apartment. The cold provides some relief and reminds him of his childhood, when his mom would apply cold compresses while praying for him. People who find him either trip over him or think that his whispering and pressing his ear to the ground is just him communicating with the planet.

[lighthouseshepard]

I know you just had top surgery - how was it? How was the healing process? I’m scared to death of surgery but I desperately need these off

HI NYX!!! ok im gonna try and be as brief and concise as possible because theres honestly quite a lot i could talk about but! heres some thoughts under the cut

so honestly as someone who has had a few surgeries in the past for other medical issues - this ranked VERY low on the pain scale. maybe a 4/10 tops at its worst (although i do understand everyone is different). the surgeon kept telling me "many people do not find this operation particularly painful" and i did not believe him one bit until afterwards. i had prescription pain medicne and antibiotics to take, but honestly i only needed the prescription medicine for about 3 days, and then after that i was fine with tylenol. after a week really i didnt need to take anything consistently, it was here or there if i happened to start moving around too much.

the worst part for me overall was the BANDAGES. after you wake up youre gonna be wrapped within an inch if your life with ike 2 inches of gauze and tape and an ace wrap holding it all together. if you have drains (which i did) you can't shower until they're out and the bandages come off, anywhere from 5 to 7 days usually. mine was 7 days and i was miserable. the drain emptying wasnt that bad tbh, someone helped me the first 2 times and then i was able to do it myself afterwards. if youre bad with blood or bodily fluids then youll def need someone to help you there. the drain removal process, to be completely honest, was. also bad. it lasted maybe five seconds per drain but i didnt breathe right like they told me to and had a vasovagal reaction and passed out. i dont say this to dissuade you! but it was not pleasant

the main thing probably is gonna be stiffness and soreness. you literally won't be able to do anything with your arms for at least a few days - its bordering on 2 weeks for me and im just now able to pull a shirt over my head without stiffness. you DEFINITELY will need someone to help you with basic tasks those first few days, getting food, getting dressed, etc. some ppl get bruising on their chest just from the skin being manipulated and etc but surprisingly i havent had any bruising yet?

also!! again some places differ, but mine was a same day surgery. after a few hours of waking up i was able to be bundled into the car back to the hotel. youre gonna be really groggy but i was able to walk just fine, albeit very slowly with help. the surgery itself was the blink of an eye to me. i remember them putting an o2 mask over my face and then i was OUT. seconds later i was being dragged up out of unconscious well by the nurse's voice.

ill say too, i 100% understand the nervousness and fear. the 2 weeks leading up to the surgery were like. awful andnsnjf. i was so anxious and terrified of the pain only to find it genuinely was not that bad at all. you know the this too shall pass lighter i have. i slept with that clutched in my hand the entire night before surgery. it was very much a "do it scared" situation and having those things of comfort and reassurance whatever they are to you can help immensely. and i did do it! and the relief i felt a week after when i finally got to see made literally all of it worth it. theres still healing to go (i took a month off work also) but im taking it very slowly and trying not to rush enjoyment of this body c: most of the healing process has been letting the body do its natural work and being patient with it, a thing i am usually not. i still have to dress the area for another 2 weeks maybe, but then i can start scar care!!!

[hold-him-down]

One Day

Notes: Maybe like 9 months in?

CW: vague references to noncon, references to noncon drugging, all the typical CW for this story.

✥ ✥ ✥

Leo is shivering as he pulls off his sweatshirt; he feels another wave of dizziness wash over him and he swallows. It took three days of skull-splitting headaches and increasingly persistent nudging from Luke before he agreed to go visit Rob. They left with a prescription for antibiotics and a word of caution to take it easy for a few days. Leo waited in the car while Luke got the medicine, and, while his desperation for relief was palpable, the bottle of pills that he turns over and over and over has his stomach in knots.

The relief will be worth it, Leo tells himself, closing his eyes. It will be worth it. On the peripheries of his worry is the pain that constantly accompanies being drugged, the disorientation, the nausea. Further back is the feeling of hands on him, of not being able to lift his arms, of people looking down at him whispering that it’s okay while lower, his legs are prised apart. And then, the one where everything is dark, and everything hurts, and he doesn’t know what’s real. That one is even further, so far back that Leo blinks the thought– no, the memory– away as quickly as he can, as he swallows and puts the bottle down. Luke won’t hurt you. 

He wraps his arms around his stomach and sits on the edge of the tub, waiting for it to pass. He hears Luke’s footsteps down the hall. If he can act okay, he thinks, maybe Luke won’t make him take them. Maybe, if he can make himself feel better, or at minimum, if he can make Luke believe he’s feeling better, then Luke won’t be worried, and he won’t make him take them.

He swallows again, and his shivering fingers moving to grip to the side of the tub; he sucks in a deep breath through his nose and holds it. His vision swims as he blinks against the fluorescent light.

"Leo?" Luke knocks softly on the door before pushing it open.

Leo opens one eye, squinting in his general direction. His grip tightens on the ceramic, trying to keep himself both upright and still. He’s okay, he tries to say with an easy half smile, but his vision is a little blurry, and he’s distantly aware that unshed tears are the culprit. He can’t pinpoint when that happened, but it’s too late to do anything about it. He shakes his head, offering his best approximation of a smile.

Luke drops to a kneel in front of him, his hand brushing against Leo’s forehead.

"I'm really okay," he hears himself saying, his voice warbled in his ears. He knows he isn’t convincing– not to Luke, and not to himself– but his words come out ahead of his thoughts. “I’m feeling… I think a little better.” He swallows, pinching his eyes shut again. “I think I can… I think it’ll be okay without–” 

At Luke’s expression, he trails off. 

"Right.” Skepticism colors Luke’s tone, but he smiles warmly in spite of it. “You still dizzy?"

"Mhmm." Leo presses his head into Luke's palm, a half-hearted bid to ease the tension there, as Luke brushes the hair away from his too-warm flesh. It's Luke's favorite way to show concern, or, if he’s lucky, sometimes affection. It's become one of Leo's favorites, too. He lets his eyes close, even though he knows there’s danger there. His body, his mind, have been forced to accept this, and to find comfort in it, and to long for it. But he’s never been forced to let his guard down, and he’s never been forced to find safety in this. 

“You’re shivering,” Luke whispers, pressing his fingers into Leo’s palm and uncurling his fingers gently. When he withdraws, he places the plastic bottle in the void, then wraps Leo’s fingers around it.

“How bad is it?”

“Better than before,” Leo replies carefully. “I probably can just… sleep it off.” The bottle in his hand makes the shivering more noticeable.

No response immediately comes from Luke, but he squeezes Leo’s forearm. There’s a long silence, where Leo knows that Luke searches for the words to convince him without commanding him. 

“I don’t want to take them,” Leo eventually whispers, so soft that he’s not sure Luke even registered that he was speaking. He shrinks back automatically, his body readying itself for the pain that’s sure to follow. Slowly, he brings his eyes up to meet Luke’s.

Luke nods, but he’s not happy. 

It’ll help–You’ll feel better– Take these– It doesn’t matter if you want to or not– You can swallow them or I can force them down your throat– We gave you something to help calm you down– We gave you something that’ll make it difficult for you to eat for a few days– We gave you something that might make it hard for you to stand– Take them, Leo. 

Take them. 

Take them. 

Take them.

His head is pounding, the lights are too bright, the sounds too loud. His arms are wrapped around a bucket with doctors surrounding him, he hasn’t eaten in days. He wakes up restrained. He doesn’t know where he–

“Alright,” Luke says, wrapping his fingers around Leo’s, which are gripped tightly around the bottle. They both stare at it.

It doesn’t matter if you want to or not. 

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out. “I’ll– I shouldn’t have said that. I’ll take them, just… just give me a minute?”

Luke takes the medicine and sets it on the counter. The absence of the bottle in his hand is an immediate alarm bell, and he reaches out to Luke. “I’m sorry,” he says again. “I want to take them.” He clears his throat, wincing as he does. He has more planned to say,  but Luke cuts him off.

“Hey.” Luke pushes his fingers into Leo’s hair. Something in Leo’s face, which, Leo suspects, is half a decade of anxiety manifesting itself in unshed tears, must have Luke on edge; he tries to fix his expression. “If you want to take them, take them. If you don’t, it’s fine. You’ll survive either way,” he says, his tone overtly lifting. He moves to sit on the ledge of the tub next to Leo, nudging his shoulder with his own. “Probably,” he amends, and Leo forces a smile. 

There’s a silence as they both stare at the pill bottle, innocent-enough looking but wreaking absolute havoc on Leo’s anxiety. 

“You don’t have to take them,” Luke says again. “Why don’t you lay down for a little bit, and once you’re in a better headspace we can reassess? I’ll grab dinner?”

Leo nods, and Luke squeezes his arm. And then, at the risk of unraveling every ounce of confidence he’s gained in the last six months, he says, “It used to be a whole thing.” He stares straight ahead, but he can feel Luke’s eyes on him. “They knew, I think. Early on, that it fre– That it scared me. So they–” He shakes his head. He swallows. His fingers tangle together in his lap. “I don’t know. I just… I don’t like it.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” Luke eventually responds, when it’s clear that Leo doesn’t plan to go further. “I hope you do, though. That one day, you’ll tell me what happened?”

Leo nods, taking a deep breath and blinking back the unshed tears, and stands. He picks up the bottle from the counter and turns to face Luke.

“One day,” he says, nodding. 

Luke trails behind him as he walks back toward his bedroom, and at the door, he says, “I mean that, Leo. I’ll help you, in any way that I can. But I need you to know that you can talk to me, and it won’t go anywhere you don’t want it to go.”

FIGHTER TAG LIST: @whump-cravings, @afabulousmrtake @crystalquartzwhump @maracujatangerine @pumpkin-spice-whump @distinctlywhumpthing @thecyrulik @highwaywhump @batfacedliar-yetagain @finder-of-rings @dont-touch-my-soup @skyhawkwolf @suspicious-whumping-egg @also-finder-of-rings @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @peachy-panic @melancholy-in-the-morning @urban-dark @nicolepascaline @quietly-by-myself @pigeonwhumps @whump-blog  @seasaltandcopper @angstyaches @i-msonotcreative @mylifeisonthebookshelf @anonintrovert @whump-world @squishablesunbeam @considerablecolors @whumpcereal @whumperfully @pirefyrelight @whumpsday@whumplr-reader@lonesome--hunter@darkthingshappen

[is-the-snake-video-cute]

I had never thought about the fact that snakes would have more than the set of initial fangs so that post you did on snake bites is fascinating!! Thank you so much for all the information you give us, it is very much appreciated how much time and effort you put in to helping people learn about snakes!!

I have a couple questions for you regarding snakes teeth!

1. Do all snakes have the same amount of teeth once they've reached adult hood or do different breeds have different amounts for their specific needs?

2. Do snakes have and lose their "baby" teeth and grow in adult ones like other animals and humans? Or do they grow with the snake as they age?

3. I work in the veterinary industry with dogs and cats and your post also made me think about if snakes would need dental care like dogs and cats do, like would you ever have to have a snake have a tooth pulled if there was an issue with it? Made me picture a little snake under anesthesia with its little tongue hanging out while getting it's teeth cleaned like I see with dogs and cats and it made me laugh!

Sorry if these are silly questions, again thank you so so much for all your hard work 🩷🩷

Great questions!!

First thing, before I get into your specific questions: not all snakes have fangs! There are exceptions, but snakes generally fall into four dentition categories.

Aglyphous dentition is when snakes don't have fangs at all. Teeth are generally the same size and shape. All nonvenomous snakes, like boas and pythons, fall into this category! These snakes tend to have a lot of teeth (hundreds!) and they can be in a single row or multiple rows.

Then there's solenoglyphous dentition, which is what people generally think of when we talk about snake teeth. There's comparatively very few teeth and two large, hinged fangs that fold up against the roof of the mouth. Vipers are solenoglyphs.

Next, there's proteroglyphous dentition, which looks similar to solenoglyphous dentition except the fangs are much smaller and always in place. Elapids (cobras and their relatives) have this type.

The last major type of snake dentition is opisthoglyphous dentition, which are our rear-fanged venomous colubrids. These snakes have large fangs at the back of their mouths; it's kinda a garbage fang system but they're doing their best. Hognoses, boomslangs, and most other venomous colubrids are here.

Okay, now that we've got the basics out of the way...

Baby snakes are born with the same number as adults, but as I'm sure you've already guessed from the pictures above, the number varies wildly by species! Snakes average around 50-100 teeth across species, with the number skewing upwards thanks to nonvenomous snakes, but vipers and elapids typically have less than fifty.

Snakes don't have baby teeth! Teeth fall out and are replaced throughout their lives.

Snakes generally don't need dental care (although that image is super cute!). However, teeth can totally cause problems. The most common ones I see are stuck teeth - because snake jaws are so flexible, sometimes they accidentally get a tooth stuck in their gums. That can usually be fixed by simply gently guiding the snake's mouth open, but sometimes stuck teeth do require professional help. Even at its most complicated, dental care for snakes usually just involves a round of antibiotics in the case of infections - problem teeth often fall out on their own or are easily pulled with the help of local pain relief.

[selfpositiveundertale]

Long post.

TW: car accident

Hey everyone. I'm not doing great.

I've already been having a hard time with migraines getting absolutely out of hand and interfering with literally everything in my life, but yesterday I had my first car accident. The meme I just posted is relevant. It was my fault but thankfully only me in the vehicle. Other than bruised knees(I'm short so I had the seat pulled up close so I could reach the pedals) and some mild rug burns where the air bag got me on my left hand and my neck (I had instinctively raised my arms to protect my face), I don't think I was injured in any way my chiropractor couldn't fix. Definitely jarred my entire skeleton and dislocated some ribs and messed up my neck but what else is new. I didn't hit my head and nothing hurts in any way I'm not already deeply familiar with. Surprisingly I haven't gotten a migraine yet but I'm fully expecting one soon.

Really good thing I wasn't wearing my sunglasses. I lost the pendent off my necklace though. It must have broken off when the air bag blew and then fallen into the road when I got out of the vehicle.

My vehicle is totaled. Not a great loss since the thing was on its last legs anyway but it sucks not having my own transportation now, even if I could only drive in town and couldn't leave town because it wouldn't make it far on the interstate. It would start shaking like a leaf any time I went over 50 mph and I didn't like that. I'm really sore and tired and shaken up but I'm getting through it.

My husband came immediately when I called him and he talked to the car insurance company and called his boss to take the rest of the day off work so he could be with me.

The people in the other car were mostly okay other than the man having a cut on his forehead and his wife having a scraped knee but both of their babies were completely unharmed, thank goodness. Nobody was mad at me, possibly because I was hysterical panicking inconsolable and kept apologizing and asking if they were okay. They were also on their way to the car dealership to see about getting a new vehicle anyway, so I think they'll be fine.

I made an appointment with my chiropractor this morning and he checked everything and basically said I was in pretty bad shape but not really any worse than usual, which was a great relief but not surprising. He fixed the ribs, my shoulder blades, neck, and hands and gave me some samples of a supplement he said might help the soreness. I'm also taking my painkillers, OTC pain medicine, and applying arnica cream to the bruises.

I've been so tired and sore and haven't been up to doing much of anything except eating my feelings but I'm making sure my pets get fed and helping my husband get ready for work in the morning. I don't think I'll be able to meal prep anything for him like I normally do and he says it's okay, he's not expecting anything of me if I don't feel up to it and he doesn't mind buying his breakfast and lunch.

I fear the financial repercussions of this, especially since things have already been very tight due to several sudden veterinary expenses. The cat gods looked at us and went "kittens upon you and your household" so in the last 4 weeks there have been 2 vet visits for a tiny baby runt of a kitten my husband found alone and abandoned at his workplace, one for a very pregnant stray kitty that followed a family member home and popped out 7 babies, and one for my dog when she caught a UTI. We think she's over it by now but I'm taking her back to the vet Friday for a recheck. It's been hard with her because she's been refusing to eat her dry food and we've been having to buy wet food as well as chicken breast and white rice and alternating between the wet food and a bland diet when the antibiotics made her tummy upset. I'm really hoping that by Friday I'll be brave enough to drive. The vet isn't far and my mom is going to let me take her old car for whatever I need until we manage to get me another used vehicle.

I know the car insurance is going to go up because of the crash even though now there's one less vehicle on it, and I'm praying to the heavens that I don't have to actually go to a doctor and get checked out because of the crash.

I need to see a doctor anyway about the migraines that are now coming several times a week and affecting me in unsettling ways like impairing my speech, making me nauseous when I use my eyeballs for their intended purpose, and even made me collapse once. But the clinic I usually go to because the price is income based is in the next town and I'd definitely have to have my husband take time off work to take me. I also fear they'll refer me to a neurologist. I'm certain I need to see one but since I don't have health insurance and the process for getting financial assistance at any given specialist office is (probably deliberately) incredibly difficult and tedious and almost not even worth the effort, it just doesn't seem feasible at this time.

I am trying to make things to stock my Etsy shop so I can make some money but at the moment I just don't have the energy for it. But maybe I should try anyway. The simple repetitive action of crocheting while listening to a book or Old Gods Of Appalachia might help me settle down and feel more normal. My hands ache but my compression gloves might help.

Things are just extremely scary and very painful right now. Staying determined is hard but I'm trying. I'm trying so hard.

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

[vivalas-vega]

new perspectives / jake ‘hangman’ seresin x reader / part five

I wanted to get this one out quickly for y’all!! here is the much needed relief we all needed after that last chapter. as always, lmk what you think and if you want to be added to the taglist!

new perspectives / jake ‘hangman’ seresin x reader / part five

add yourself to my taglist

prologue - one - two - three - four 

word count: 4.3k

warnings: language, angst, basically another grey’s anatomy ep so... medical inaccuracies and drama !!!

Sitting in one of the imaging rooms in your own hospital, a room you’d previously spent countless hours in and would go on to spend countless more, brought you a small bit of peace. You were surrounded by familiar faces and doctors you trusted and respected, and that made a world of a difference in your confidence for Mary’s outcome. Despite how close you were to the case no one was excluding you from conversations or keeping you out of the loop on anything, you were given just as much of a voice as Dr. Lewis in dictating her care as you looked over several of her scans and brainstormed a game plan. If this was truly your case you would have kicked your own ass to the curb several hours ago but the patience and grace everyone was extending you didn’t go unnoticed. 

“What if you try coming in through here?” you asked, and Dr. Lewis pondered your suggestion for a moment, trying to visualize before shaking his head.

“If I insert the probe here,” he said, illustrating the path with his fingers, “I’m going to disrupt something here,” he circled around Broca’s Area. “Do that and she’ll lose the ability to speak, she’s a teacher right?”

“Third grade, and she’s damn good at it,” you sighed.

“Then we aren’t taking any risks, I think our best course here is to go in this way,” he said, outlining a new pathway and you nodded.

“It’s still tricky but I think that’s going to be the best approach,” you agreed. 

“Why did you end up leaving neuro? You’ve clearly got a knack for it,” he asked suddenly, looking you over curiously.

“I loved neuro, did Dr. Adams tell you he used to call us the Brain Buddies?” you asked and he shook his head laughing. “He’d go around the hospital saying it like we were some superhero duo… I used to think there was no high like neurosurgery, but then one day there was this massive train crash. Most people were too unstable to move so we went to them. When we got there most had already died and the ones who hadn’t were one slight breeze away from following suit. There was this girl, about my age, who was bleeding out faster than I could control. Nothing was working and I began to panic… trauma is quick and dirty, there’s no time to gameplan or even think, you just have to figure it out as you go and be resourceful, so I used dirt,” you chuckled though it really wasn’t funny. “I just scooped a handful and packed the wound and it worked… we had to load her up on so many antibiotics she got C. Diff and the poor thing needed a fecal transplant but she made a full recovery,” you said with a smile. “That was a high unlike anything else, and I just never looked back. Trauma is where all the fun is.” 

“You sound exactly like one of my buddies who’s a doctor with the Army… you ever considered that path?”

“Briefly but… Jake, Mary’s son, is in the Navy. Every deployment crushes both of our parents and they worry, I couldn’t do that to them… I think they’d all lose their minds if they lost both of their kids to that life,” you said and he nodded.

“Well, let’s go give her some good news, let her know what the plan is.” Mary was surprisingly calm throughout the whole thing, she didn’t even blink when Dr. Lewis briefed her on all the risks (stroke, paralysis, loss of speech, death), all she had said was well, if I can’t speak there’s always sign language and death is better than a painful year of chemo. Really she didn’t care about any of it, she asked if you agreed with his approach and she’d said that was all she needed to know when you’d answered yes. She’d truly put all of her trust in you, she let go of the whole thing and just accepted that because you said it would be okay that it would… and that terrifies you beyond belief. You were a confident doctor, always had been, but right now with her looking at you with such pride and peace you felt sick, knowing that no matter how good a patient’s outcome looks going into surgery that can always change at the drop of a hat.

“That’s the attitude, Mary, keep that up… patients who go in with a positive outlook are much more likely to come out the other side,” Dr. Lewis said. You oversaw the interns in charge of her pre-op care and she had watched through amused eyes as you ordered them around and even called you a hardass… much like Jake had done when he’d visited you in Boston. 

“It seems mean now but Dr. Stevens will tell you his skills have improved since I came around to knock some sense into him. If you put the fear of god in them they’re much more malleable,” you joked.

“It must be working because they are terrified to disappoint you,” Mary said and you didn’t miss how proud she sounded.

“Jupiter is very tough, tougher than any of the attendings but I’ve learned a lot from her,” Dr. Stevens confirmed and you narrowed your eyes at him. “And she makes a mean chocolate chip cookie, I heard that was your recipe.”

“Stop kissing my ass and bring me her updated labs,” you said and he nodded quickly as we went to leave the room, “and just because I’m off duty that doesn’t mean I’m not doctor to you!” you called after him and Mary just laughed.

“I like seeing this side of you,” she said, looking up at you appreciatively and you gave her a warm smile. “If I’m being honest I thought wanting to be a surgeon at twelve years old was just a crazy phase… thought you maybe saw a cool doctor in a movie or something but looking at you now… I couldn’t imagine you doing anything else,” she said.

“I wouldn’t be here without you,” you said, giving her hand a squeeze and you noticed Jake enter the room without saying a word.

“You’ll be in the surgery?” she asked and you nodded.

“I’m not allowed to be involved in the actual operation… it’s too much of a conflict of interest, but Dr. Lewis has graciously agreed to let me be in the room with you.”

“That makes me feel better… knowing you’ll be there,” she said and you gave her another smile before you excused yourself to step into the hallway when Dr. Stevens flagged you down and you looked over her labs in relief.

“What do these tell you?” you asked, handing the paper back to him and he looked at you curiously for a moment, “I taught you better than this, Dr. Stevens, I know you can read labs,” you said.

“I just… I didn’t expect you to be teaching right now,” he said and you watched as he looked over the paper and processed the information. “These all look good, she’s in optimal shape to be heading into surgery,” he said and you nodded.

“Exactly, let Dr. Lewis know and page me when you’re taking her up.”

“Didn’t expect you to be teaching right now either,” you heard Jake say and you turned around to face him with a sigh.

“Your mom’s case is an incredible teaching example and Dr. Stevens shows promise within neuro. Your mom understands that, she’s thrilled he’s getting to learn from her and she wants me to take the opportunity to teach when I can, it’s my job.” you said.

“But you’re not working right now,” he said and you gave a soft nod.

“You’re right, I’m not… I’m just doing everything I can to make sure she receives the best standard of care and teaching when I have the opportunity to ensures that, not just for her but for everyone else’s mom that comes in after her.” He just nodded and you could tell that he was annoyed with you. “Jake, just talk to me.”

“We’ve already gone through the procedure, I don’t need to talk about it anymore,” he replied and you furrowed your brows.

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

“I need you, J. I need you and you’re not here,” he said in a hushed whisper, trying to avoid the nosy ears of your interns at the desk just a few feet away.

“I’m right here,” you said but he just shook his head.

“You’re not. You’re making calls and teaching interns, or holed away in an imaging room and you’re talking to me like I’m just some patient’s family member. There’s enough doctors around here, I just needed you… I needed you to be my Jupiter through this and you were just another doctor,” he said with a disappointed look before stepping back into his mother’s room and any tension that had eased after setting the plan in place with Dr. Lewis was back in full force. Your heart ached and you wanted to go after him but you knew this wasn’t the moment… he was angry and scared and he didn’t understand where you were coming from and that was all okay. There was no way to rationalize with his mother heading into brain surgery in less than an hour and you chose to believe that when the dust settled and she came out the other side things would level out but as selfish as it was… you needed a moment. A moment to clear your head and think so you wandered down to the emergency department, you let your eyes rake over the space as you took stock of how things were holding up in your absence and while you stood in front of the patient board you jumped when the Head of Trauma, Dr. Fowles approached you.

“What are you doing down here?” he asked, looking at you apologeticly as you placed a hand over your heart. 

“Needed a breather,” you said and he laughed.

“So you came to the pit for a little relaxation?” You nodded with a sheepish smile. “Want something to take your mind off it?”

“Please, I’ll take anything,” you said and he led you over to Bay Three and opened the curtain to reveal a beautiful laceration just begging for you to suture it. You introduced yourself as you gloved up and made small talk with her as you worked, taking your time to ensure she had as little scarring as possible.

“One minute you’re making lunch for your boyfriend, who is incredibly ungrateful by the way, and the next you’re in the ER because you zoned out wondering what your old college boyfriend was up to and sliced right through the avocado and into your hand,” she sighed and you chuckled.

“Never go down the college boyfriend rabbit hole, it’s never worth it,” you said. You finally felt like yourself, sure you’d been acting like a doctor nonstop for the past three days but it was all so deeply personal. This was cut and dry, you’d patch her up and send her on her way and likely never see her again. This was medicine without baggage and it felt so good. You hoped Jake was still somewhere on the other side of the hospital, if he saw you right now with that sparkle back in your eye hunched over this patient's open palm it would only make matters worse.

“You got lucky, I’m looking at the tendon here but you didn’t cut through… could be a sign… or a wake up call,” you suggested and she nodded.

“A sign to dump his sorry ass and find someone who will actually drive me to the ER instead of making me get blood all over my brand new car? Yeah, I’m one step ahead of you,” she said and you let out a soft laugh. 

“Well, you’re all good. Take the antibiotics, make sure you’re eating things with lots of good bacteria and fully finish the course even if it doesn’t feel like it’s doing anything… and please, don’t let him reel you back in the way they’re always so good at,” you said with a smile as you pulled your gloves off and went to the desk to update her chart.

“You’re a junkie,” Dr. Fowles said and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Takes one to know one,” you said, handing him the chart as your pager beeped and he wished you luck as you ran towards the elevator. You texted Jake to let him know you’d come out with an update once you had one and were on your way to meet them in the OR. Standing in the scrub room and overlooking them prepping Mary through the window you took a deep breath, you knew things would move quickly the second you got her here but it truly felt like one minute you were at the Hard Deck laughing with your friends and the next you’re here… about to step into surgery on one of the most important people in your life.

“I know you can’t tell through my mask, but I’m smiling right now,” you said as you approached her.

“I know, honey,” she replied and the anesthesiologist looked at you to let you know they were ready when you were. “Promise me something,” she said and you just shook your head.

“I’m not making you any promises, Mary, you’re not on your deathbed.”

“Promise me that when I’m out of the woods you are going to put me and John and your parents out of our misery and finally kiss that son of mine,” she said and you let out a shocked laugh.

“You are about to go under for brain surgery and that’s what you’re worried about right now?” you teased.

“You two drive me nuts! Just give me a wedding already.” she said and you shook your head.

“I’ll see what I can do… I’ll see you after, okay?” you said, nodding to the anesthesiologist. “Countdown from ten for me.”

“Ten… nine… give me a wedding… eight… seven-” she slurred as she fell under and you just chuckled to yourself as Dr. Lewis entered the room.

“Alright, Jupiter… I have been patient with you all day as you made me run through my surgical plan a dozen times and all but demanded to be in here, and I was happy to oblige because I like you, however there will not be a peep out of you from here on out, are we understood?” he asked and you nodded.

“Yes, sir. I understand.”

“Good, because I will throw you out so please don’t make me have to.” You watched as he began, your eyes intently flitting between his hands and the monitor that was displaying an aerial view of the surgical field and you felt nausea begin to creep in. You listened as Dr. Fowles narrated everything he was doing to Dr. Stevens, who you wanted to throw a bedpan at when they got eyes on the tumor… really you couldn’t be mad, his reaction was warranted and it was cool, but it would be a hell of a lot cooler if that tumor wasn’t in Jake’s mom’s head. You listened as Dr. Fowles changed his surgical approach, this was always a possibility. The scans give you a lot of information but any plans are just loose ideas until you actually get in there and see what’s going on, and you bit your tongue as you let him make his best judgment call on how to proceed. You were now two hours into the surgery but it felt like no time had passed at all.

“Alright, I think we’re ready to pull this sucker out, Dr. Stevens would you like to man the cautery?” Dr. Fowles asked and your heart stuttered in your chest.

“Absolutely not,” you said before your mind could catch up and tell you to keep your mouth shut.

“Are we forgetting you’re not to speak in this OR?”

“With all due respect sir, as promising as Dr. Stevens is, one wrong move with that cautery and all of this will have been for nothing.” you said and you watched as his hands stilled on the monitor.

“It seems Jupiter doesn’t want you to learn today,” Dr. Fowles said and Dr. Stevens looked between the two of you, clearly stuck between a rock and a hard place.

“If it’s alright with you sir, I’ll just observe. She’s right, I’ve never cauterized before and I still have a lot I want to learn from her… I’d rather not jeopardize that by sending her best friend's mom to the vegetable patch.” he said and you nodded in satisfaction. You would personally see to it that Dr. Stevens scrubbed in with you on every one of your surgeries for the foreseeable future to make up for the learning opportunity you’d just robbed him of. Things seemed to be progressing smoothly until the monitors started beeping frantically and you watched as her BP suddenly tanked and you felt your stomach drop as Dr. Fowles started barking out orders that weren’t quite registering in your ears.

“No… no, no no,” you muttered, a tidal wave of panic crashing over you as you ran out into the hallway and braced yourself on a wall, trying desperately to get your breathing under control. You quickly hunched over a trash can and let the nausea take over, vomiting onto the pile of discarded gloves and trauma gowns as the door opened to reveal a scrub nurse.

“Dr. Fowles is asking you to come back in,” she said and you shook your head, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall. “Come on, just come see,” she said and you placed your mask back over your face as you tentatively followed.

“You missed the good part, Jupiter… the tumor is out.”

“Her vitals?” you asked, taking a small step closer as you looked at the monitors but you didn’t trust your eyes.

“She’s a fighter,” he answered and you sighed in relief. “I’m about to pack with gelfoam but it appears we are out of the woods. Would you like to go update them as I close?” he asked but you were already halfway out the door, ripping off your mask and sprinting down the hallways until you burst into the waiting area. Jake and John jumped up, looking at you expectantly and as they took in your tear streaked face and rapid breathing you watched as their faces fell.

“No! No no no,” you said, taking in a sharp breath. “It’s good, it all went good, they’re closing now, she’ll be in recovery within the half hour,” you said and they both exhaled in relief. 

“Oh thank god,” John whispered, pulling you in for a bone crushing hug. “Thank you,” he pulled away to place a kiss on your forehead. “There will never be enough thank you’s for this,” he said as he wiped his own tears. You looked over to Jake who had sunk into one of the chairs with his head hung in his hands and you crouched on the floor in front of him and gently placed a hand on his knee.

“Jake? She’s going to be okay,” you said and he lifted his head to look at you with glassy eyes, “it went as well as we could have hoped. We won’t be certain until she wakes up but I have a very good feeling.” 

“J…” he started, but was cut off by his own tears and you pushed him back in his seat to perch on his legs and pull him into your chest.

“I know…” you soothed, rubbing a hand up and down his back. He wrapped his arms around your waist and you just sat there as you held him, whispering reassurances into his ear. You hooked a finger on his chin, softly tilting his head to look up at you before resting your palms on his cheeks. “I’m going to call my parents, let them know… and Rooster too, everyone’s been really worried,” you said and he nodded. You placed a kiss on his forehead as you slid off his lap and you stepped away and pulled out your phone. Your mother had cried, sobbed really, and your dad told you to pass along their well wishes for recovery when he took over the call, you could hear the relief in his voice as he told you how proud he was of you.

“Please tell me she’s okay,” Rooster said as he answered and you let out a breathy laugh.

“She’s good… we’re in the wait and see portion, but I think we’re in the clear. Can you talk with Mav? She’ll be out of here in a few days but this whole thing has him pretty rattled. I know I don’t have the authority but I’m not clearing him for work just yet,” you said and Rooster chuckled.

“Doctor’s orders,” he said and you let out a soft laugh as well. “Mav said to take all the time he needs, there’s no rush to get back.” You thanked him as you hung up, telling him to pass it along to the rest of the Dagger’s as well for how supportive they’ve been throughout. Your pager went off as you approached the two of them and you gave them a reassuring look.

“She’s in post op now, I’m confident everything is fine but I’m going to head up and just be sure, okay?” you said and they nodded as you made your way to the elevator and you all but ran into the room, eyes immediately scanning the brain activity monitor.

“How’s it looking?” you asked a bit frantically.

“Looking good,” Dr. Fowles answered as you grabbed her chart from him to look it over. “You know as well as I do we won’t know for sure until she wakes up but I don’t think we should expect any deficits.” You dropped the chart into its place at the end of her bed and threw your arms around him.

“I know this is unprofessional but just go with it,” you said as you started crying again and he chuckled as he reciprocated and rubbed along your back. “I owe you big time, thank you for everything… I am available for any and every pro-bono surgery you need me for from here on out,” you said. 

“I think I’ll hold onto my favor for a little while,” he teased as you pulled away and you laughed as you wiped your cheeks and asked an orderly to grab Jake and John.

“Well, whatever it is it better be big, I owe you a lifetime's worth of thank you’s.” He slipped out of the room and let you know he would check back later and you felt the dark cloud that had been hovering over you the past few days begin to dissipate and with it brought the crushing weight of every feeling you’d been fighting off. You let out a broken sob and immediately turned to leave the room, not noticing Jake walking down the hallway as you hurried the opposite direction and shut yourself into an on-call room. He poked his head into his mom’s room, making sure everything was okay before chasing after you and he found you sitting on the floor with your back against a nightstand and your head between your knees as you tried to regulate your breathing. He was silent as he sat beside you and you lifted your head slightly.

“You don’t need to be here,” you choked out, “I know you’re mad at me, and it’s… I’m okay, really, go sit with your mom.” He didn’t respond, instead he reached around you to grip underneath your arms and pulled you to sit between his legs where he wrapped himself around you and it was the final straw to push you over the edge. You leaned back against him as he held you tight and fell apart in his arms… you’d tried to say something but nothing would come out around your cries, and Jake just let you get it all out.

“I’m not mad at you,” he finally said when your breathing started to even out. “I was but… I was wrong. I didn’t-” he stopped himself for a moment, taking a deep breath as he fought his own tears. “Not once did I stop and consider what this was like for you, I was selfish. You.. I mean, god Jupiter,” he let out a humorless laugh. “You swept in and had this handled in less than three days. I was so wrapped up in what you weren’t doing that I didn’t think about what you were doing, and that was everything… you held it together for all of us, you made sure she would be okay. I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” you sniffled.

“Yes, I do. I thought you weren’t there for me, but you were. You always are, even if I don’t see it at first. I’m so sorry that I made this harder on you,” he said, giving you another squeeze and you melted against him. “I was mad at you for who you are, and that’s… I say how proud I am of the doctor you’ve become and in the moment that you were doing everything you could to help my mom I was an absolute asshole.”

“You weren’t an asshole… I treated you like a patient’s family, and you reacted the way family does.”

“That doesn’t make it okay,” he muttered, pressing a kiss to your temple. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you said softly. “Do you want to go check on your mom?” you asked and he shook his head.

“No. I want to just sit here with you for a little while if that’s okay,” he replied and you nodded, letting your head fall against his arm.

“Yeah, that’s okay.”

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[henqtic]

back problems . xavier thorpe x black!reader . wc: 482.

·:*₊‧ masterlist . taglist form . request works . ·:*₊‧✩

— Xavier Thorpe has back problems. Being not only 6’2, but an artist comes with a price — and that’s needing a fucking chiropractor.

— And when you tell him that, he gives you just the same response.

— “Why would I need a chiro when i have you?”

— He has a grudge against them. After seeing all of those chiropractor videos, and listening to the sounds of peoples literal neck bones popping in half — he couldn’t risk it.

— But they don’t make stuff for people his height around Nevermore.

— Constantly throughout the day he’s putting one hand over the opposite sides shoulder.

— Bending back in his seat in class so that he could crack his back just the smallest amount, a perk being able to smile ( upside ) down at you. 

— “Do you need something Xavier?”

— “A kiss?”

— He wouldn’t get back up until the fifth peck on his forehead — a disgusting sight to everyone else trying to focus on the lesson, including the teacher who had given up on the idea of actually stopping you both.

— He’d come up behind you randomly between classes, wrapping his arm around your torso and tucking your head underneath his chin.

— Using your body as some kind of stand even though he was about a foot and probably some inches taller than you.

— “We’re gonna fall frontwards, get off,” you’d laugh and attempt to swat him away. 

— “We can’t fall if you just embrace it.”

— Even the stools in his own art shed don’t help him.

— Sometimes you just stand behind him while he works to straighten him out.

— This boy is suffering.

— It hurts even when he’s relaxing. And it’s worse in a way, like he’s so close to relief but sooo far.

— So he digs his phone out of his pocket, and texts you.

December 14 — 11:15 pm  ˳·˖✶

Xavier 👩🏽‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼: I’m in pain.

Come over 

Doors unlocked 

You: Pain ???

What kind of pain ??

Helooooooo

Antibiotic or Wednesday Addams got mad ??????

Xavier 👩🏽‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼: my back 🙁

— You get there to see him lying face down on his bed motionless.

— Every single pillow, blanket, duvet, and plush thrown to the floor.

— “Sure you don’t have a fever, baby?” You asked as you reached underneath his shirt and rubbed his back, it was particularly warm.

— “It just hurts,” he groaned through the mattress.

— “Wouldn’t some cushioning make it better?”

— “I tried that. I buried myself in every blanket, got overheated and threw all of ’em off.”

— “Yeah I can see that, even the squishmellow,” you frowned as you picked it up from off of the floor, drawing a little tear coming down from its face.

— “I’m sorry, give him to me, I’ll use him as a head rest,” he offered, picking his head up and smiling as you swiftly hid the stuffed animal behind your back.

— “Uhn uhn, what’s something else that you want from me to make you feel better that isn’t suffocating our squishmellow?”

— “A slab of fucking concrete,” he huffed as he put his face back into the mattress.

— “What about a massage instead?”

— “Please.”

— You straddled his back, working all parts of your hands in the tense muscles of his back as he told you exactly where to go.

— “More pressure.”

— “Up.”

— “To the right”

— “No go down.”

— “No, no, no, that was good. Go back.”

— And once you scooted up by just the smallest amount, giving your own back a rest and no longer holding all of your body weight — a particularly mewling groan came from him.

— . . .

— “Are you okay? Did I pop something?”

— “I need you to do that again.”

— “Do what?”

— “What you just did,” he answered, “Put all of your weight on my back. The message was okay but that was amazing.”

— You’re a little offended, but you entertain the idea.

— “I will literally break your back.”

— “That’s the point.”

— “People can get paralyzed that way you know, maybe? I’m not sure. But I’d rather not risk it, get the fucking chiropractor Xavier, they’re certified.”

— “Most of them aren’t and you know that. They go around half killing people for fun, you want me to put my life in their hands or yours?”

— So you do it, max fifteen minutes everyday.

— Sitting on his back and massaging all of the kinks out. Sometimes you’d just sit there while you caught up on the day, or talked about how ridiculous all of the homework was the teachers were giving out.

— It became a normality quickly, and you even turned you lying on his back like a sloth sleeping on a branch, a new cuddling position.

— It all made for very odd conversation by the time his new roommate moved in.

thank you for reading, every like and reblog is appreciated  🌷 !

[willows-adventures-in-words]

Writing this one broke me. I had to stop and get a hug from my husband before I could finish it. So, because I made myself suffer, I'm dragging everyone else down with me.

Whumptober prompts 20: Emotional Angst shoulder to cry on | giving permission to die | “it's not your fault” word count: 1,101 Some background info: This was a slightly altered discarded idea that would have been part of another story I was writing from a different fandom in an attempt to add more characters. That other story was a 7 Days to Die AU. 7 Days to Die is a zombie game. When you get infected in the game you can cure a certain percentage by using items. Honey (5%), Herbel Antibiotics (20%), and Antibiotics (25%). Obviously when the infection gets to 100% you die.

~-~-~

He ran up the road as fast as his tired legs would take him. Almost there. Almost back to the house. As Geoff reached for the door, there was a sound behind him. The groaning and shuffling that was way too familiar. “Not now...” Turning, he gripped the bat tighter. There was only one. Good. Stepping down off the porch, Geoff approached the zombie. When he got about a dozen feet away he held the bat with both hands and, with another step forward, swung as hard as he could knocking it to the ground. He grimaced in pain from the wound on his arm, before he grabbed the knife he carried and stabbed it in the head. Quickly, he got up and hurried back to the door. He could retrieve the knife later...

“Layne!?” he called out. Glancing in the kitchen as he passed by, he saw a half prepared meal. Geoff hurried to the bedroom and practically threw open the door. “Layne.”

Layne shifted his arm off from over his eyes and looked over. “Hey... You're back.” Geoff let out a sigh of relief and headed over to the bedside. “I tried to cook you something but-”

“I told you to rest.” Layne just smiled weakly as he rested his arm back over his eyes.

Geoff pulled his backpack off and, setting it down on the chair, pulled it open. “What did you bring me?” There was a pause. “Tell me it's not honey.”

“... It'll help.” Layne shook his head. “Layne.”

“No...”

He crouched down next to the bed. “It'll buy us some more time.”

“No,” Layne spoke, his tone sharper than what Geoff was used to hearing as of late.

“Layne, please.” Pulling his arm off of his eyes, Layne turned his head to look at his friend. “It's all I could get. I couldn't... I tried. I tried to get antibiotics. But... But someone else...” He couldn't keep the desperation and despair out of his voice.

Layne reached out and rested his hand on top of Geoff's. “It's not your fault.”

“I couldn't-” But Layne shook his head.

“The infection. I was reckless. And I know you tried your best. To help me. But I can't do this anymore, Geoff. I'm tired.”

“Please take the honey.”

“Keep it. In case you need it later.”

Geoff shook his head. “I can't lose you. I,” his voice cracked. “I can't do this alone. Let me keep trying.”

He almost gave in. But Layne knew he didn't have long. He was exhausted constantly and didn't even have the energy to walk around the house. His attempt to cook earlier made him sick. Honestly, he didn't know if he could even stomach eating the honey if he wanted to. But if he could... “It will probably only get me through the night...”

“Then- Then take it. And we'll leave. We'll find help.”

With a slow sigh, Layne told him, “You know I can't travel anymore.”

Stubbornly, Geoff told him, “Then I'll duct tape some rope to this mattress and drag you.” Layne let out a light laugh but otherwise remained quiet. “We can still get rid of the infection.”

Closing his eyes, he let out a breath. “Geoff, please. Let me go. It's been two weeks.” Layne hated telling him this. They've both lost too much already. Everyone they knew and loved was gone. They were all each other had. And now he was telling him to let him die and lose the last person close to him.

“... You can't ask me to do that.”

“I'm sorry...” His next breath came shallow. Layne realized just then, that his heart-rate had started to slow. There wasn't much time left. Though he wasn't scared, he had already resigned himself to this fate a couple days ago. No. He felt guilt. If he'd been more careful, not been reckless, then he wouldn't be putting his friend through this. “Can you, just stay with me. Until it's over?”

Geoff closed his eyes as he fought back the pain and tears. Then swallowed. “Okay,” he nearly whispered.

“Thank you.”

Silence fell heavily over the room. Geoff watch over his friend. His attention on his face for a bit, but then noticed how shallow his breathing was. How slowly his chest would rise and fall. He almost didn't make it back in time. Layne would have died here alone. Geoff would never have forgiven himself. Just like all the other things that have happened. He would have just added it to the pile. Though this one would have been the worst. Right next to losing Kathy.

He let out a shuddered breath. And it startled him when he felt Layne's hand grip lightly over his. Geoff glanced quickly from his hand to Layne's face. His friend slowly blinked his eyes open for a moment and attempted a smile before his eyes fell closed again. Then, not even a minute later, his breathing stopped and he was still.

Geoff didn't move at first. And when he did he looked down to the floor. His eyes stung with tears. This was it. He couldn't even help Layne. The one thing he should have been able to do. And he couldn't. As he blinked tears fell. Geoff let out another shuddered breath. He should go. But he didn't get up. Couldn't bring himself to do so. He just... He just wanted a little more time. Just a little more time.

He should have known it was a mistake. But grief made him forgot in that moment. And when the zombie with Layne's face opened its eyes and lurched up did he realize his mistake. Geoff jerked back, lifting his arms in defense as the zombie that looked like his friend launched itself at him. Its teeth catching his already injured arm tearing it open anew as he fell onto his back bumping the chair with his shoulder. Geoff struggled against him as he stared at Layne's face. He managed to bring a leg up for leverage and shove him, it, away. It fell back onto the bed and Geoff scrambled to his feet. Grabbing his backpack, he rushed for the door. Seconds after he left, shutting the door and leaned against it, he felt the bang from the other side. Geoff pushed away from the door and, cradling his injured arm, ran from the house.

[remuslupinsdaughter]

Hey love! If this would be possible it would be amazing!

Do you think you could could write a little fic about reader and their experience on antibiotics after being in hospital because oml I feel so unwell after taking them 🤣 but if you could do that with bucky or derek that would be amazing, just some fluff and comfort when she’s about to get discharged whilst she’s in pain meds and her having to sleep them off and derek/ bucky getting worried because she’s basically been knocked out since they got home, it’s just comfort fluff helping her get her appetite back and her meds finished 🫶🏻🫶🏻 thank you

I hope you’re doing well too!

Omg this is such a good idea! Gonna do it with like a pre teen/early teen daughter because we love Dad Derek

Hospital stays and side effects

Derek Morgan x daughter! Reader

Warnings: mention of hospitals, medication side effects, fluff throughout

Derek stood by his daughters hospital bed as the doctor finished his examination, she’d been admitted three days ago after Derek thought her appendix had burst, the thought of that day made him shudder, seeing his daughter writhe and cry out in pain, clutching her stomach and sobbing, “make it stop dad please” she begged as he drove to the hospital, foot through the floor.

Turns out it was just a nasty kidney infection, and a three day intense course of antibiotics and they were about to be discharged. “Now” the doctor began, “these are the antibiotics, you need to continue taking these for seven days, and make sure you eat before you take them” he said, handing Derek the box of pills. Y/N groaned, the meds had made her feel nauseous and lethargic, “I can’t eat they make me feel so sick” she groaned at the doctor, “we can prescribe you some anti sickness medication, but they will make you sleepy” the doctor replied and Y/N nodded.

After signing lots of paperwork Derek was finally able to take his daughter home, he wheeled her out to the car and helped her into the front seat, draping a purple fluffy Sherpa blanket that Garcia had bought for her. He quickly returned the wheelchair and jumped in the car, “ok all set babygi-“ he looked over at his daughter and she was already asleep, those meds must have kicked in, he thought.

Y/N slept the whole drive home, her soft snores making Derek chuckle, he gently scooped up Y/N and carried her inside, laying her on the couch and pulling the blanket back up to cover her and pulling off her black converse she got for her 11th birthday. He quickly grabbed her bags from the car and set them down in her room for when she woke up.

As he walked back down the hall, he noticed Y/N was still fast asleep, he crouched next to her and was relieved when he saw a piece of hair blowing gently as she exhaled, thank god she was breathing, but Derek still wasn’t happy, he called the doctor, “hey doc I know we’ve only been home a couple hours but Y/Ns been sleeping the whole time and I don’t know if this is normal or if I should bring her back and-“ the doctor cut him off, “it’ll be the medication, she’s fine Mr Morgan, let her rest as long as much as possible, she’s fighting off a nasty infection, her body needs as much rest as it can get” the doctor said, Derek breathed a sigh of relief and thanked the doctor before hanging up.

He looked at his phone and realised it was time for Y/Ns afternoon medication, he walked over and gently shook her awake, “hey kiddo it’s time to take your medicine” he said, Y/N groaned and rubbed her eyes, “you gotta eat first though, I’ll make you a sandwich?” Y/N shook her head, “don’t wanna eat dad” she said and buried her head in the blanket, “come on baby there’s gotta be something you want?” He asked pulling the blanket down and moving some hair out her eyes, “no” she said blankly and pulled the blanket tighter, trying to go back to sleep.

Derek sighed, suddenly he had an idea, he ruffled Y/Ns hair lightly and walked back to the kitchen, pulling out his phone he looked for Rossi’s phone number and dialled it, “hello?” “Hey Rossi it’s Derek” “oh hi! How’s the kid doing?” He asked, “she’s ok but I can’t get her to eat, she needs to eat so she can take her medication but It’s having some side effects that make her sick and I can’t get her to touch anything, I thought you might have an idea?” He said, his voice laced with desperation, Rossi chuckled, “have you tried something simple? When my wife was undergoing chemotherapy the only thing she would eat was spaghetti with butter and Parmesan cheese” Rossi said, Derek thanked him and got to work boiling some pasta, he decided to make some tea as well, tea makes everyone feel better.

Once the food was ready he put it on a tray and brought it to Y/N who was sat up, the blanket wrapped around her as she watched the tv, “so your uncle Rossi gave me an idea” Derek said as he placed the tray down, Y/N peered over at the food, it did smell kind of good, she picked up the fork and twirled a small forkful of spaghetti, she ate it slowly, ok she didn’t puke, that’s a good start, little by little she ate the bowl of pasta, and felt a little better for it. “Attagirl” Derek said kissing her forehead and passing her her medication with a glass of water, Y/N grimaced but took the medication. “I just gotta do some paperwork ok? I’ll be in the office if you need me” Derek said turning to leave, “wait dad” Y/N said, “ can you stay with me? We could watch a movie maybe?” She said giving him puppy dog eyes, Derek sighed and smiled, “of course I can babygirl” he said and sat next to her on the couch, Y/N lay her head in his lap and his hands went straight to her scalp, massaging it gently as she scrolled through Netflix picking out a movie to watch.

Maybe being sick wasn’t so bad

Sorry I kinda ran with this and went slightly off track but it’s fine

[hellyeahsickaf]

If you want to get mad about how fucking awful some doctors are, here you go

With my post about medical discrimination against addicts and disabled people gaining traction again I got a few people asking about how I'm doing after my kidney infection and what happened in the ER. I'm better, could've been much worse but when I was seen they gave me antibiotics before anything else- it was the one thing they did right

I knew I had a kidney infection, I told them that I had a UTI and checked off all of the boxes for a kidney infection which is potentially deadly and leads to sepsis in as little as 12-48 hours if untreated. Pro tip because I'm an idiot- always see a doctor for UTIs, you can't just self treat them even if it seems to be going away as was the case for me. That's how it reaches your kidneys. Whoops 🥴

I waited a few hours which is expected but I got progressively worse. I also reported my pain as an 8/10 (9 by the time I was seen), migraine, fever, chills, weakness, dizziness, fatigue, nausea, probably some other things. I was shaking, crying, curled up, truly some of the worst pain I've ever felt next to gallstones. Maybe others handle this kind of thing better. Or maybe most grown ass men they see in this condition either have serious injuries or are addicts putting on a show. In which case they'd still be truly suffering. It shouldn't matter if they're an addict if they're in the ER desperate for relief in that moment. But yeah, I was ignored for most of the night aside from being given antibiotics and Tylenol. I just reread my clinical notes from that night actually and got mad again lol

I saw the doctor for under 5 minutes that night. He asked why I was there and how I was doing. I told him how awful I felt and he didn't carry out any examinations, it was the first time I'd gone to the ER and wasn't even asked to wear a gown. Either way he was extremely neglectful. Had the nerve to report exams for ENT, eyes, cardio, abdominal, skin, etc that never happened. He didn't lay a finger on me. Reported answers to questions I was never asked like whether I've had past surgeries (he put no when I have). And at the end of his clinical notes he states the following:

"..While I considered a CT abdomen/pelvis, I do not currently feel it is necessary based on the patient's physical exam and clinical history and review of any labs that were ordered. Patient is otherwise well appearing; feel it is reasonable to discharge the patient home at this time with close outpatient follow up."

So he claims he considered a CT scan but based on the results of exams he never performed and clinical history he never asked for and the fact that I was "well appearing" (felt like I was dying), he felt it was "not necessary" to order a CT scan. Only at the end of my visit- 6 hours later was I given an effective painkiller. This negligence genuinely could have killed me and I didn't want it to happen to someone else so I reported him for malpractice. They carried out an investigation and concluded there was no wrongdoing on his part. The woman that was in charge of being in contact with me during the investigation was really nice and also pissed off on my behalf and rightfully so. Also some days after my visit I got a lab report indicating that the strain of infection I had was fairly uncommon and pretty fuckin dangerous with some strains being immune to antibiotics

Maybe I should have advocated for myself better but the condition I was in, I could hardly talk at all. I just hate that he just gets to keep practicing medicine and jeopardizing the health of his patients to make his job easier despite the fact that it could kill someone. It's fucked up how easy it is for doctors to get away with this shit really.

[daylillie]

If anyone is tired of hearing me bitch about OCD yet, I don't care because I'm forever wanting to mentally slap the "I'm so OCD" people in the face. Along with anyone who thinks it's fun or trendy to fake a mental illness for views or knowingly spread misinformation. It keeps the real sufferers from seeking help and they truly don't understand what severe OCD looks like.

Example:

I hit my breaking point today. I really don't know how I'll move past this. I have a Body Focused Repetitive Behavior (think hair pulling and skin picking) where I run my tongue on my gums. I guess it softened my gum in that spot. Before anyone thinks "just stop doing it", BFRBs usually don't go away easily.

So, I was eating chips and I thought a chip got lodged into my gum. Not a big deal, but OCD makes it one. Again, "just stop" doesn't work. No matter what I do, I will keep thinking there's a chip in my gum. I flossed the same tooth over and over. I kept going back to brush my teeth. I wasn't terrified yet, mostly extremely annoyed. My gums were irritated by now.

Here's what a lot of people don't understand either. OCD can slowly build. It's not always immediately horrific. It can start off as a normal "a chip stabbed my gum" (most everyone's been stabbed by a chip or had a popcorn kernel in-between their teeth) thought. This was over the course of three days. Sometimes, the person experiencing it won't realize what's happening until they're knee deep (in my case neck deep).

So, two days of this before I had an intrusive thought "If you don't get the chip out it will move further into your gum and you'll get a tooth infection."

I started picking at it. I flossed more aggressively. At this point it's overly obsessive. It's urgent. It's all-consuming. It's the only thing I can think about.

I googled tooth infection and what can happen. Not super distressing until I'm in the rabbit hole of research.

Intrusive thought "What if the chip is already lodged too deep? What if it erodes your tooth?"

There was no stopping it. I cut my gum. I dug inside it with a tool. I stopped the bleeding. It was late. Eventually, I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion and woke up this morning in (shocking) severe pain.

Argued with myself about going to work but I can't take off anymore time for OCD, I've taken too much. Yeah, I know ADA is a thing, but I don't want a lawsuit situation.

We also won't get into how hard it is to make an emergency dentist appointment where I live and not wanting to be at the ER for twelve plus hours. Also, OCD comes with a lot of shame so "I mutilated my mouth because I think a chip is in my gum" is not ER worthy to me. Plus, insurance. No insurance. Money etc.

The pain got worse at work. It spread to my neck. My lymph nodes were swollen. I had a massive headache. I was still doing my BFRB which gets worse with stress. It didn't help that I visited relatives who tested positive for covid. Then I felt like I couldn't breath (cue somatic OCD). I could barely open my mouth or move my tongue without wanting to cry.

I googled tooth abscess from injury.

Intrusive thought "What if you already have an infection? Can it spread to your brain in days? Hours? Is it covid or a tooth infection? You should probably go to the doctor."

Google. Google. Google. Google.

Somehow made it to near the end of my shift. Google again.

Intrusive thought "What if it's really bad? What if you become septic? WHAT IF YOU DIE IN YOUR SLEEP TONIGHT?! GO TO THE DOCTOR."

Made it within ten minutes of closing. Covid negative. Extreme guilt for making the doctors stay late. The damage I did to my gum was bad. I broke down about my OCD. They prescribed me medicine which I hate (iykyk), but I'll take it if it means I get any sort of relief.

Long story short, I was also given antibiotics...to prevent developing a tooth infection...which would have never happened if I didn't obsess over the fear of developing a tooth infection.

Remind me again why anyone wants this? I'm drinking smoothies and soup from a straw until it heals. And when it does heal, I have a fear of anything solid getting into my gum now. I don't want to eat. How is this quirky???

I'm pissed. I'm angry. I want to die (lucky for me I won't because my fear of dying). But you can research the suicide rates. Fuck OCD.

Also, if you do have a certain view, it's not too late to educate yourself about any mental illness, neurodevelopmental disorders, personality disorders. Even if you're already on the band wagon. It's okay to say I was wrong (I've done it before).

[hold-him-down]

2, 11, 29 for the fic writers asks?

2. Do you read/reread your own fics?

Chronically. Usually if someone pops in and reblogs an old chapter, I'll reread it then (any time I do a self reblog of something very old it's usually on the heels of me rereading it). I also have some favorite pieces that I'll revisit from time to time. And, on the other hand, there are several pieces I've written that I find absolutely unreadable and when I try to revisit those I cringe so hard lol.

11. Do you have specific playlists for writing fics?

No I do not! I don't listen to music at all when writing. I get super SUPER distracted really easily if there's, you know, music, or a TV show, or my cats are doing something remotely interesting, or there's a bird or a cloud out the window, etc. No writing playlists at all over here.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

Leo is shivering as he pulls off his sweatshirt; he feels another wave of dizziness wash over him and he swallows. It took three days of skull-splitting headaches and increasingly persistent nudging from Luke before he agreed to go visit Rob. They left with a prescription for antibiotics and a word of caution to take it easy for a few days. Leo waited in the car while Luke got the medicine, and, while his desperation for relief was palpable, the bottle of pills that he turns over and over and over has his stomach in knots.

The relief will be worth it, Leo tells himself, closing his eyes. It will be worth it. On the peripheries of his worry is the fear of the pain that constantly accompanies being drugged, the disorientation, the nausea. And then, the fear of everything going dark, and everything hurting, and being unable to work out what is real. That one is further back, so far back that Leo blinks the thought– no, the memory– away as quickly as he can, as he swallows and puts the bottle down. Luke won’t hurt you.