#I have doubts any other series will ever consume me like this one has

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

Hiatus Update

Hey everyone! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and is ready for the next year!

I'm really sorry that I keep falling into a hiatus status, but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about some things.

No, this isn't an announcement of canceling my AUs or that I'm dropping Twisted Wonderland! I still love the series very much and I still have far too much in mind with the AUs to stop thinking about them so soon! I just wanted to get that out of the way since I realize my lack of content creation lately seems to have worried a few people, and I'd like to apologize to everyone for worrying you all.

That being said, that brings me to my next point, and...it's going to get serious. No TW, it's nothing like that! Just...me speaking my thoughts and realizations. TLDR at the end if you want to skip the ramble!

I've been writing for this blog for...gosh, I think about three years now? It feels less than that for me, but that's a lot of writing done over the years. So many AU ideas, so many asks, so much love for the AUs I've created that--honestly--I almost didn't even start this blog had it not been for some encouragement from a good friend. And I'm glad I did! These past few years have been some of the most creatively liberating times I've had before I ever discovered Twisted Wonderland (would you believe it was originally Leona that made me want to play it despite Malleus being the one that kept popping up in my feed to the point I had to try and figure out what his name was? XD).

Yet despite all that writing and hyper-fixating, I've come to realize and accept that I'm experiencing quite the huge burnout...and I have been for quite a while without realizing or accepting it.

It's not because of any particular wip fic or art that I've been slowing down. The burnout had been happening for a while and just boiled over, and I think as a result...I started doubting myself over time. Doubting that what I was writing was going to be good, or that I'd be able to fulfill everyone's requests or asks in a way that makes them happy or feel that I put as much effort into the writing as I do with others, feeling like I'd be letting people down if I don't make something as long or detailed as some of my other responses, or making promises of grand ideas and not being able to deliver on it. I didn't feel connected to my writing, that it wasn't meant for me to enjoy or feel like I could be part of.

To put it simply, I put far too much pressure on myself, and the lack of feedback or reactions beyond likes on some fics I spent a lot of time and effort on didn't exactly help my mind's relationship with my own writing. Because of that self-imposed pressure, I'd...forgotten what it was like to love my own writing, to enjoy the process for what it was and to feel like I can just write what I want and feel included in my own adventures. Writing consumed me to the point that most days...I'd only be able to stare at the blank screen or my notebooks, the words and scenes in my mind yet unable to string them together in tangible form and yet I felt terrible NOT sitting there trying to write.

It was a pretty vicious cycle I couldn't break until now.

Lately, I've been focusing more on self-care. Not just physical stuff like hygiene or cooking better home meals (though I am doing that), but I mean giving myself other things to enjoy on my self-care wheel.

This is what I mean by the self-care wheel (link to instagram post ). It puts it in a way that makes sense, and I hope it helps someone else as well! Here's a screenshot of the post for those who don't have Instagram.

I've been watching more anime and other shows on streaming services lately, I've been playing other games like World of Warcraft (which has become my current obsession!) among others, and just...essentially breaking up the routine I had where I did nothing but writing, so I could take a break. And honestly? I've been able to write other things again. But this time for myself.

I feel like I'm able to enjoy the process again.

I love my writing again!

But I know better than to just assume that things are okay now and I can jump back into the blog so soon. I don't want to repeat what I had been doing when I thought my burnout was gone and just silently falling into hiatus again. Healing isn't a linear process no matter what it's for, and things won't get better if I don't start being kinder to myself.

So to bring a long story short:

I'm okay. I'll be okay, I just have to remind myself to enjoy more hobbies and interests in my life to make each day more fulfilling--more rounded. And when I come back to Twisted Wonderland, I'll go at my own pace and remember to write for myself too. I'd still love to chat and ramble about it or even about other fandoms or things to try! I've spent far too long building this blog to let it and the wonderful people who have followed and commented and even sent asks and fanart go away, and I want to connect in a way I feel I hadn't been able to in ages. ;;v;;

Remember to take care of yourselves, and find other things to fill your self-care wheel! It'll take time and effort, but I promise that things will start to feel better the more you realize you've got other things to make life worthwhile. 💝

TLDR: I'm okay! I'm just going to be on hiatus for a while longer and working more on self-care to remember to enjoy life as it should be enjoyed. Writing and concept art will resume at my own pace when I feel I'm able to consistently enjoy the process of writing for the fandom again. Would love to ramble and chat about other hobbies and interests and interact with the community though!

[bookwyrminspiration]

y’all I have like 70 pages left and I do not have the next book on hand at ALL. girl help I’m gonna fucking lose it

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Pretty like the sun

Previous chapter / Next chapter

a/n This is pretty like the wind series spin offs. This can be read as standalone all you need to know is that Azriel has two adoptive kids with OC - Zofie and Axel. Future stories related to them might include stories specifically decided to Azriel hence why I am taging it as Azriel story too. Don't come at me please. ✨

It’s been a hot minute so idk if any of you are still here with me🫣 we do have an Azriel pov here.

warning: nothing major, past trauma.

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Zofie’s pov:

She sat at the top of the steps for hours. Long given up on running towards the door with every scratch or creek that she heard. With her head resting against the railing, Zofie couldn’t help but let her mind consume her. Nit-picking at all of her choices. She had done the opposite of being a good daughter. And she too had promised to love Azriel forever, so what was shifting?

Her thoughts slithered towards Nyx, who had been claiming most of her mind now. She could see why Azriel wouldn’t want her with him. And maybe it wasn’t even him trying to protect her; maybe it was him trying to keep the high-fea bloodline clean. What did she have to do with the high lords? Nothing. She saw the high lord and lady from time to time, but she was way closer to Uncle Cassian.

Then her thoughts drifted to the fact that she didn’t know all that much about Nyx either. Zofie didn’t even know his other friends. How many were they? What if all he was doing was just being friendly? He could very well have a lover. A mate. Preppy parents in desperate need to marry off their children to form bonds between courts, Nyx’s voice ran in her ears. Of course, Rhys was no doubt looking for a match for his son. And what was she thinking? Letting herself dream that maybe one day…

The sound of the door clicking open made Zofie shoot up. Just with her lack of focus, the girl ended up hitting her head against the side of the railing. Whining in pain, Zofie quickly reached to press her palms against the aching spot, only to lose her footing as her ankle buckled and the center of gravity shifted. She managed to let out a yelp, but the hard fall never came. Instead, the endlessly soothing smell of night filled her senses.

"Zofie," her father’s worried voice made her look up quickly. “Look at me, hey, did you hit your head hard?" Azriel’s worried golden eyes tore through the last bits of her self-control. Without a second thought, Zofie scrambled to get closer. Hands messily tangling with Azriel’s leathers as she wrapped herself around him. “I’m so sorry," she whimpered, “So sorry." Azriel’s arms wrapped around Zofie’s frame with ease in an instant. “Breathe for me, Zofie; you will make yourself faint, baby girl." The calmness of his voice strangely unsettled her. He was supposed to be mad. Was supposed to be frustrated with her. Angry. “Why aren’t you upset? You should yell," Zofie muttered, pulling back, her black eyes filling up with tears. Azriel frowned for the first time since he walked through the door. “Have I ever raised my voice at you?" the spymaster questioned before sighing, “Well, besides earlier today, it wasn’t even at you. I wasn’t angry with you." He softly wiped the tears from beneath Zofie’s eyes. “I will never do it again. I will never see him, I promise”, she said, feeling her own body start to swirl with emotions flooding from all over the house. Fruition, confusion, pain, sadness, and dread. Gasping for air, Zofie looked back at Azriel, whose shadows quickly drowned out any distractions. Closing the two of them in the safety of cool darkness. “Breathe, little star," Azriel muttered against Zofie’s hair, “Remember how we do it?" His firm gaze met her frantically blinking eyes. One of the shadows settled at the back of her neck; the other two wrapped around her hands, cooling the main point of her anxious spell.

“You’re safe." Azriel slowly ran his hand up and down her back, trying to comfort her the best he could. “I can't," her pained breaths ripped at Azriel, but he knew that now any excess emotions had to be suppressed, “We’re in your safe bubble." With a fluster of his wings, Azriel wrapped them around the two of them. “Press your palms against me; let it out," and she would have, but suddenly it made her stomach twist. Because this man. Man who didn’t have to take her in. Would know that she had all of these thoughts. From hate. To frustration. All directed at him. All because she was being naive. “I can't," she said, pulling back and hitting her father’s leathery wings. “Of course you can; you’ll burn out otherwise," Azriel urged her, “Come on, baby." She knew that he was desperate for a reason. Zofie had sent herself into overdrive once, and it wasn’t pretty. She could barely stand for weeks. No speech. She could barely get food down. That had been the first time she had seen Azriel with a full stubble. He had refused to leave her, even for a minute. He had been there. Always been there looking out for her. Another painful cry slipped past her lips, and everything went black.

Azriel pov:

Azriel’s eyes lingered on Zofie’s limp body lying in bed. He had been fixing the throw covering Zofie for the past hour. One moment it seemed too high up, and so she no doubt had to be too warm, but then the other he feared that she wasn’t warm enough. Azriel knew there was no way to measure the impact of the outburst until morning. Till Zifie opened her eyes. And she would open her eyes because...

“You should get some sleep”, your soft voice made Azriel turn from the bed. Some of the tension eased. It always did when you were around. His beautiful mate. Mother of his children. “I’m not tired," he muttered, fingers lazily running up and down Zofie’s arm. "Azriel, you can’t fool me." The moment your hands touched Azriel’s shoulders, he instantly felt warmth seeping through his aching bones. “How are you doing?", Azriel knew what that question implied because he had a feeling that you were aware of where the roots of all of this were.

“How can she think that I don’t love her?", Azriel shook his head, “Had I seriously been so... shortsighted?” You cupped his face tenderly. “She knows, she’s simply confused. Emotions are running high…”, “That was days of amped-up frustration that I’ve caused, YN”, his tone was much higher, and the moment that hit Azriel, his hand instantly came to clasp his mouth.

“It’s okay. You’re okay," you gently reached for both of his hands, giving them a little squeeze. “She’s growing up, Azriel. Things are strange and new”, leaning in, pressing your forehead against his, “She was scared that your yellow was fading," you admitted. “My love for her hasn’t changed," Azriel muttered. “I know, love, but your heart is now making room for Novie, and I think insecurities are running high." Azriel glanced back at Zofie. He never looked at her differently. Never treated her like a dainty porcelain doll. Yes, he protected her. Was ready to go to war for her. Because he had always seen her as his. He understood what having inner demons meant. To this day, Azriel had days when battling them got way too much. Hence, he had always craved to protect them so much. That desire to chase any doubt away fueled him because they deserved better. They deserve to know life in vibrant colors, not dim grays and blacks.

Azriel’s eyes fell on Zofie again. The girl had shifted slightly, curling deeper into herself. “Will you be good up there alone tonight?" Azriel gazed up at his mate. The raw instinct beat at him to go up to his bedroom and guard the new mother of his child, to be devoted to tending to them only. But it wasn’t Zofie’s nor Axel’s fault that the same blood didn’t bond them all. And Azriel had promised to protect them like his own, so as hard as it was, now he knew that he had to step down on the primal instinct and put his first children into the equation too. You smiled lovingly up at him and said, “I won’t be alone. Your mother is here, and Axel should be coming home soon." Stepping forward, you let yourself snuggle into Azriel’s chest for a heartbeat. Pouring as much love and reassurance into the embrace as you could. Azriel’s lips lingered on your forehead. “If you need me..." he muttered, but you instantly shook your head. “Stay with her, Azriel. She needs you," and that was all it took for Azriel to nod. His shadows carefully blew out a handful of candles lighting up the room. Leaving a bare minimum of light that wouldn’t bother anyone’s slumber, and if by any chance Zofie was to wake up during the night, he didn’t want her to open her eyes to darkness. As carefully as he possibly could, Azriel scooped Zofie’s tiny frame into his arms before climbing into her bed. Out of shared instinct, the spymaster started to hum the melody he used to hum to the two kids when they were younger, and nights of settling down were harder. His scared fingers carefully brushed her ink-black hair away from her face. Lips turning upwards as he let her way more mature features sink in. Never had he thought that he would be wishing the time would go slower. But it also filled him with endless pride that he too had played a role in making sure this tiny girl would slowly grow into a strong-minded young woman. With a deep sigh, Azriel pressed a loving kiss onto Zofie’s forehead, making the girl snuggle deeper into her father’s chest. “I’ll always love you, little star. As overbearing as I can be, I will always love you the most because you taught me what it was like to be a father”, he muttered, settling in to watch over her for the night.

Nyx’s pov:

Nyx had been looking through the window of his mother’s gallery for the past couple of hours. He rubbed his chest at times when the feeling of anxiety threatened to choke him out. His mind was running so fast that there were moments when he lost hold of it. Thought after thought, angrily beating at his consciousness.

“Are you antsy about going back?", Feyre’s voice made him grip the window sill tighter. He had forgotten that his mother had even been here with him for a moment. "No," he said bluntly. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling if he was being honest. He haven't been able to keep up with any of the emotions for some time now. They all seemed so tangled up that he didn’t know where one started and the other ended. Or it was so chaotic that he was sure that he felt all of it at once, and the feeling sure wasn’t pretty. It was different with Zofie, though. For some reason, his inner chaos always subsided when she was close. It felt calmer. It was as if she was there, sorting through his mess for him.

“Really?", Feyre’s amused voice filled the room. Nyx loved his mother. She was an example of hope to him. Every time he lost faith in the future, he would look for her memory books, ones she had sat down with Rhys to write while she had been pregnant with him. Nyx just wished they would understand that now he wasn’t sure if his own story linked with his parents.

“It’s what we do as soldiers; we need to earn our rank," he answered sharply with an exhale. He didn’t want to fight with his mother. Nor did he want to make her upset. He just didn’t want to talk about anything regarding this court. “And if you didn’t give me a textbook answer?" Feyre dunked her brushes into the water, turning to face her sun. Nyx knew that while he could hide his inner battles from his father with anger. His mother was way harder to fool. Nyx simply shrugged, not knowing what exactly she was trying to get out of him.

“It’s okay to have things that you miss back home," her delicate hands inked with marriage vows cupped Nyx’s face as she gazed up at him. “You treat her well?" At those words, Nyx had gone ridged. “What?", he muttered, stepping away. “Do you treat Zofie well?", Feyre smiled at him. Nyx wasn’t surprised that she knew about their little adventure last night, but this seemed like a lot more of an intentional question. One that implied way more.

“Of course, I treat her well," Nyx grumbled with a frown. “What kind of question is that?" he asked, shaking his head in frustration. Why was everyone constantly assuming that he was out there, like some old creep following her around? It wasn’t intentional that their paths crossed so often. They just did...

“Do you love her?", That question had sent all the oxygen out of Nyx’s lungs. Making him gape at his mother as if she had grown a third eye on her forehead. “No, Mom, what even… We grew up together!", Nyx threw his arms up in the air in frustration, which suddenly washed over him. “And that’s supposed to be an issue?", Feyre simply smiled up at him. That kind of smile implied that she was up for a chance to change his mind. Nyx turned away, moving to glance out of the window once more. “Whatever. I’m not even going to entertain this conversation." His mother let out a knowing laugh, returning to her painting once more.

Nyx gazed out into the night. His eyes narrowed out on a figure that slipped out of the library’s back door. Leaning forward, he tried to identify the figure. He knew that whoever it was had to have a pass from his parents. “Is that…?", Nyx trilled off. It couldn’t be because they had separated and... “Axel? Yes”, Nyx gazed back at his mother, who hadn’t even lifted her eyes to look out the window. That fucking lying bastard. I’ll be heading home my ass. “Have you hired him to work in the library?", Nyx had frowned in confusion. But Feyre shook her head. “Gwyn is helping new girls settle into quarters. Axel kindly offered to carry boxes”, the high lady said as if there wasn’t anything else.

“Carry boxes, mhm." Nyx watched as Axel stopped in his tracks before waving up at someone. The princeling’s eyes followed the gesture, finding another figure, barely visible in the sixth-floor window, waving right back. Why was he always on the sidelines with everyone? Why hadn’t Axel said anything about this to him yet?

“He’s a sweetheart," his mother hummed in approval. “There was a girl who hadn’t left her room in over a week. Axel managed to coax her out in a day," no doubt a girl Nyx had seen slipping back into the library when he had bumped into Axel earlier on. “A charming young man," Feyre hummed, making Nyx shake his head. “I’ll give him your praise”, after a proper interrogation, of course.

Unfortunately, Axel’s adventures brought him little satisfaction. And quite honestly, Nyx had given up on trying to snoop around his best friend’s business. Because he knew Axel and knew that the deepest and most heartfelt conversation always struck out when they were up in camps. Nyx had been restless for the days to come. Hanging around all the places he and Zofie usually went to. He was waiting for an inkling of any deeper emotions that would drag him towards her.

They had gotten the call that tomorrow morning they would be going back. And he knew one thing—he couldn’t go back without seeing her one more time. The image of her teared up face had haunted Nyx ever since. He hated it when she cried. He hated it when she was upset. But it seemed as if she had just disappeared into thin air. Nyx had hoped to see her at dinner in the lake house last night, but Y/N had simply said that Zofie wasn’t feeling well. Had something happened afterward? Had her magic flared up once more? But twice in two days. That would be way too much. Or maybe she was just avoiding him?

Stomping through the high grass, Nyx let his mind consume him once more. He knew that Rhys had called a meeting that afternoon. Meaning that Azriel and Cassian were both in the office now. If he was lucky, the females would also be there, meaning that only Zofie’s grandma would be at the house. Nyx rounded the back of the house. He hadn’t made any plans. Hadn't thought of what he was going to say. He wasn’t even sure why he was so nervous to see her. They knew each other like the backs of their heads. Nyx’s movements halted when he reached the back garden, and his ears picked up on a light rustling.

But it took him a peek from behind the hedges to glimpse at the only source of light that he had for as long as he could remember. Zofie was humming quietly as she hung the wet clothes on the lining. Gently smoothing down the fabric. Hair messily done up. He frowned at the lack of warmer clothes on her body. The sun was way warmer today, but the yellow dress with a thick knit sweater still felt too little to keep her delicate frame warm.

She was hanging the last piece of baby clothes when Nyx stepped right behind her, making Zofie’s hands freeze in the air. Shoulders stiffening. "Zo...", Nyx didn’t even have enough time to finish calling out to her when she finally turned to face him. “What are you doing here?" A slight frown creased her brows. “I wanted to... We go back tomorrow”, he muttered under his breath, her slightly dismissive tone hurting him way more than he thought it would.

"Okay," Zofie muttered, turning to pick up the basket. “Okay? That’s all?", Nyx reached for her hand, but Zofie pulled it back instantly. "What…", Nyx breathed out, his heart racing in his chest. Making his throat feel tight. “Look me in the eyes," he demanded, way harsher than he intended, but this wasn’t them. She wasn’t cold with him. She…

"Go," Zofie said simply. “No, not until you tell me what’s going on," Nyx pushed. “It’s best if we don’t meet up for a bit," Zofie said, wrapping her arms around herself as the colder breeze picked up. Clouds covered up the rays of sun peaking out moments ago. Nyx instantly felt the urge to pull her closer and shield her from the icy wind. “Is Azriel...", “Don’t drag my father into this. You have no right to drag him into this and to speak for me," she said, pointing a warning finger at him. He knew that he had stepped on the line with his last interaction with his uncle, but... "Go, Nyx, have a safe trip," Zofie said, pushing the loose strands of her hair beneath her ears.

"Sunny," his words were barely a whisper, but she simply shook her head and said, “We are no longer children. It’s time we grow up." Zofie rested the basket on her hip. “My world and your world... they’re different," Zofie muttered, and Nyx swore he saw the way her lower lip quivered. “You fit perfectly in my world... You’re my best friend," Nyx called out to her as she turned to walk away, his feet carrying him straight to her without hesitation. His palms reached out to her, cupping her face, and a slight shiver ran through her at his touch. They were inches away. She was a breath away. Nyx’s purple eyes desperately searching for any clues as to why she was shutting him out. Zofie’s free hand pushed against Nyx’s chest as she pulled free of his embrace. “Have a safe trip," she muttered, her hesitant fingers reaching up to touch Nyx’s cheeks, but the moment he leaned into the touch, Zofie turned back, rushing towards the patio stairs. "Sunny," Nyx called out, but she was already at the door. So he stood there. He stood there until the sky started weeping alongside him. Taking to the skies with an angry cry.

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Taglist: @sirenpearldust @historygeekqueen @hnyclover @i-am-a-lost-girl16 @naturakaashi @stressed-reader @woodland-mist @goldenmagnolias @nocasdatsgay @lees-chaotic-brain

[kaija-rayne-author]

Section 12 in review of Dragon Age Veilguard

96 Hours in, 94 hours playtime..

Obligatory disclaimer, feel free to jump to the cut if you've read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard (and other Dragon Age stuff, I'm a Lore fiend.)

Section 11 is here.

So, the whole Mourn watch section with the half Lich was very well written and put together. Had an interesting (if not difficult) puzzle and a poignant ending. Loved it.

Did the Treviso sequence where Illario gets his comeuppance. Even though it's a very stale plot idea, it was so very well written and executed (har har) that it's a shame they fired Lucanis's writer. (Mary Kirby wrote Lucanis.)

They probably should've kept her and let her write a lot more than that. The game would've been so much better. It might’ve actually approached good.

Instead of something that when my partner saw me loading it up he said 'wow, you look like you're about to be tortured'.

Rueful face. So much of this game has felt like torture that having two sections on the same day that were legitimately good is odd.

The ones with Taash in Rivain were fun or sad, depending. But still well written and put together.

Still seem to have more to do. Gonna play for a few more hours. It's rare and nice that it's actually curiosity I'm feeling while logging in tonight, vs. any of the gamut of yucky emotions this game has treated me to.

Oh! Before I forget and in the name of attempting to provide a fair review, I do really love the light puzzles and ancient elven tech stuff. That's been a great deal of fun.

There are good parts to this game, but they just don't make up for the shit.

...

A. Single. Meaningful. Glance. As an intimate scene? Fucking DAO had better than that! Are they serious? Is there more in the final sequence? Dear gods, if I'd paid for this game I'd be bloody furious. Incandescently, explosively furious.

Let's talk about consumer expectation. It's something anyone hoping to sell things has to be aware of.

In its, what, 14 year Dragon Age history? Bioware has set certain expectations with their market share. As I mentioned, DAO, while dated and with poor graphics, actually had something extremely suggestive for the intimate scenes. You had no doubt what the characters were doing. Same went for DA2. Not much actual nudity, but again, no bloody question about what was going on. In DAI, some was sweet, some was saucy, but it was even more clear what was happening.

So the expectation for a behind door scene that you got to see has been set. If there had always been fade to black meaningful stares for the intimate scenes, fine, whatever. But that has not been Bioware's history. And it certainly isn't their gaming market's expectation.

Expectation isn't as important in a standalone game. There's no weight of expectation like there is in series work. Unfortunately for everyone who bought this game, the expectation of so many years and so much material has been firmly set. And a long, searching, intense look doesn't cut it. Are all the Romances like that? I don't have the stomach to replay it that many times to find out.

I still have to finish the final sequence. So it's possible my utter disappointment will be fixed, but given the way Bioware has structured its games in the past, the Romance parts were finished before the final sequence.

My level of disappointment with this game has been high all along, but this is indeed the shit cherry on top of the shit sundae of this game.

Hah! And to think I'd actually hoped for an intimate scene between Solas and Inky! (Hysterical, breathless, cackling. OMFG.)

The problem with market expectation? And not meeting it? Is that you utterly lose the confidence and trust of the people who buy your stuff. And that means they're less likely to buy your stuff again. I certainly won't ever buy anything Bioware makes again. I'm out. I'll enjoy the previous games, but if I'm right about my predictions? Veilguard doesn't exist as part of my universe. I'll pretend it wasn’t ever made. Unless I decide to write a long fix-it fic. Because OMFG.

If, as an author, I shifted from rather explicit, panties-melting intimate scenes to closed door fade to black... I would be betraying my reader's expectations and losing their trust.

If this is it for the intimate scenes? Oh man. Bioware, you fucked up.

Pre-play pithy commentary

If you want to skip the snarky paragraph ^?

13th review here.

[clare-875]

Until The End (Levi x Reader)- Chapter 24

[The Silent Descent]

_____ A/N: Posted on Wattpad (@CLARE_875) but also decided to post here :)

Summary: "You can push me away, but I will still fight by you, and I will still follow you… until the end."

The ever-so-stoic Levi Ackerman has only ever known the terrors that living in a cruel world could bring. This all changed one fateful day when he encountered [y/n]; a girl renowned for her looks and abnormal speed. As they escape the confines of the Underground together, they soon discover that freedom doesn't come easy in a world full of Titans. As they rise through the ranks, [y/n] becomes known as "Humanity's Angel", a beacon of hope to humanity as she melts the walls Levi had built around his heart. However, she has her secrets too, and a dark past that might just threaten to pull them apart.

The storyline and characters of Attack on Titan do NOT belong to me, but all to Hajime Isayama; however, I do own this story, and all that occurs disparate to that storyline.

[Series Masterlist] [Chapter Twenty-Three] <--> [Chapter Twenty-Five] _____

(Warnings: Descriptions of injury, canonical violence)

As you make your way across to the other side of the walls, your eyes widen at the scene before you. Houses in the abandoned town of the Shiganshina District have been set aflame, blazing smoke rising to the skies, no doubt the work of the Colossal Titan; Bertholdt. Your heart pounds as you search the vicinity. First, you would check for survivors, then you would fight, with or without backup, though the latter would probably mean an imminent death. You shake that thought from your head. You'd made a promise to Levi. Until the end. You're not dying here. You can't. Flinging yourself through the buildings, you look to see the Colossal Titan, body somewhat smaller, or thinner somehow, trudging through the area towards the wall. But then, you see it, a mop of blond hair; it was Armin. 

You let yourself breathe out a sigh of relief that not all the Scouts had diminished with Bertholdt's transformation earlier as you flash to their vicinity in a second. "Armin!" you shout out as you land next to him, looking down and seeing that Jean and Mikasa are also present. Your squad is still alive. "C-Captain [y/n]!" The voices of your team stutter in surprise, relief instantly filling their faces at your presence, almost like you were an actual angel descended to Earth. They must've really had it rough. ‘Even your presence, Captain [y/n], brings people hope. Do not underestimate yourself.’ Somehow in that moment, Nurse Frida's voice rings through your mind. Was this what she meant? 

You turn to Armin. "The Colossal Titan, it's slimmer than usual," you state as Armin looks at you, relief clouding his eyes in your understanding as he frantically nods. "It's just as Hange said! The Colossal Titan is weak in a battle of attrition!" His bright blue eyes shine at the revelation. He reminds you of Erwin. "Eren's experiments," you say looking at him. "He could only transform three times. If that's the case for his 15-meter Titan, a 60-meter Titan must be less efficient." Armin continues to nod to your words in agreement. "And, there's the steam attack, too!" He adds as his mind collects the pieces and puts them into place. "I bet it's consuming everything except his skeleton to produce that steam!" You voice your agreement before turning to Jean. 

"The other members of our squad are they still alive?" You ask looking at him. "Y-yes Captain! Apart from Eren who's still on top of the walls, Sasha and Connie are still in the vicinity." You nod in confirmation. "What of Hange and their squad?" To this, Jean frowns before looking down slightly. "All within close range to Bertholdt when he transformed. We don't think any of them survived." Your heart shatters at that proclamation but you try to keep on a steady face, lips downturned. Hange... "C-Captain!" You turn to Armin who looks nervous but certain. "I have a plan!" You nod, allowing him to continue. "If I could ask you and the rest of the squad to draw Reiner away and defeat him. Eren and I will defeat Betholdt ourselves." Your eyes widen at his words, but his gaze does not falter. "The two of us can win and I'm going to prove it." 

You watch as he comes back to his usual self though as he stutters out, "I mean, p-please Captain! I swear-," but you interrupt him before he gets the chance. "I trust you, Armin, as does the Commander." You look at him in his widening gaze, you grasp him by the shoulder firmly. "Trust in yourself." You watch as he hesitantly nods, face becoming more determined and confident once again. "Leave Reiner to the rest of us," you say as you call Mikasa and Jean to your side. "Roger! Thank you, Captain!" You hear Armin yell out as you turn and give a firm nod, before flying to where the Armoured Titan should be. 

..... 

You had met with Sasha and Connie, now the two of them along with Mikasa and Jean flying behind you in the streets. "We trust that Armin and Eren can handle the Colossal Titan, our focus is to prevent Reiner from interfering!" You call out to the rest of the squad who shout out in confirmation "Roger!" You all approach Reiner at full speed, but suddenly the Armoured Titan changes direction and sprints past you. A strong gust of wind hits you all, causing some of you to lose your balance. You grit your teeth as you realise his focus has changed to Eren. "It's too late!" You call out to the Scouts. "We're going to have to stop him by force!" You don't wait for an answer as you flash by to where the Armoured Titan has gone, the Scouts following you in acknowledgement. 

You grip one of the Thunder Spears you had taken as you fuelled up on gas earlier. Your body moves swiftly through the barren streets before you turn and fling the spear through the back of the left knee on the Armoured Titan. You release the handle trigger swiftly as the others catch up to you, watching Reiner's Titan lose balance. It reaches for the surrounding buildings, trying to stabilise itself but ultimately topples to the ground in a heap of debris. There is a thunderous boom at the impact as you turn to the squad. "If we can't distract Reiner from going to Eren and Armin, we finish him off here!" Connie, Sasha, Jean and Mikasa nod grimly. They would have to stop Reiner, someone they used to call a friend and comrade, but it was the only way. 

"We have three remaining spears!" Connie shouts out from behind you and you nod. You had one more strapped to your waist, Connie had one and so did Sasha. Suddenly a wave of hot air comes from the distance. You look up. The Colossal Titan that Armin and Eren had been fighting now emitted a warm gold glow, another wave of its steam attack rising in the air. You watch as Mikasa also turns and stops in worry, looking as though she wants to go to them. You grip her shoulder and she turns around. "Trust them." You say as she turns hesitantly back to the scene before meeting your eyes and nods determinedly. You still had to put an end to Reiner. 

The Armoured Titan is now on the ground, unable to get up, wondering how one blow had rendered his knee useless. You use his vulnerability to quickly turn to the squad that gathers around you. "We have three remaining spears. We have to take the chance now that he's immobile. Here's our plan. Jean and Mikasa, you go first, act as the decoy and make sure you get Reiner's attention." The two of them nod determinedly as you continue. "Sasha, Connie, while he's distracted you fire your spears at the jaw of the Titan. Once his Jaw slackens, I'll go in and kill him from the inside with my spear. Understood?" Sasha and Connie nod. "Either way this fight goes, this is where it ends!" You would all use the last remaining bits of your energy and resources on this final blow. Your last chance. 

Your squad yells out in confirmation, faces grim. They knew if they didn't succeed this would likely be the end of it all. No doubt, all of the Scouts on the other side of the wall have already met their deaths; you were alone. You could only hope that Levi would fulfil the final oath he took for Erwin and kill the Beast Titan, you could only hope that Armin and Eren succeed in stopping Bertholdt, you could only hope that you all would stop Reiner. "Alright then," you say as you turn to the Titan before you all, "get in position." At your words Jean and Mikasa shoot forward attaching to the Armoured Titan and surrounding buildings, letting out yells to gather his attention. 

Reiner reacts. Though unable to walk he uses his arms to destroy the buildings around him, trying to attack Mikasa and Jean. Using the destruction and distraction to their advantage, now Connie and Sasha go forward readying to fire their Spears. Connie shoots, aim sure as his spear ingrains itself into the Titans jaw, but then, there's a mishap. You watch as debris strikes Sasha in her head as she tries to shoot, rendering her unconscious. Her form falls, but Connie goes to catch her, shouting her name. You fly in front of Reiner, landing on a rooftop in front of him, but you know it's useless. Though Connie's spear damaged one side of his jaw, Sasha had missed, there wasn't an opening wide enough for you to throw in your spear. 

You grit your teeth. It's true, his mouth might not be open, but you'd have to try anyway. You would rather risk your own life over the lives of your subordinates. "Captain [y/n], wait, it's too risky!" Connie calls from a distance, as you ready yourself, heart pounding against your chest. You didn't know if you would make it. But then, a familiar voice fills the air and relief fills your system. "No, it's perfect!" You look up to see Hange, bloodied and injured, but alive. More importantly, they flung through the air, another Thunder Spear in their grasp. They shoot and aim perfectly, and the final spear connects and explodes on the other side of the jaw which Sasha had missed. You watch as finally, Reiner's jaw slackens. "Now [y/n]!" Hange calls as she flies out of the way. 

You let out a yell, as you fly to Reiner. His hand shoots out to you, but you're too fast. You flash across space and land inside the Titan's mouth. You shoot the spear in your hand down his throat towards his nape. "Reiner!" you shout out as you let the trigger go, and flash out of range of the explosion. Soon enough, there is a massive explosion and you watch as the Titan finally falls, Reiner's disfigured body protruding from the destroyed nape. 

..... 

You stand behind Hange as they approach Reiner. His body is badly injured and steaming as it tries to heal. He sits slackened on the side of the building, lack of limbs, and a cloth covering his eye. "Reiner... What's this metal case you had in your left chest pocket?" Hange asks as they kneel down to him. "Before we chopped off all of your limbs, you tried to grab it with the strength you had left. Suicide pills? Or perhaps a bomb?" There is a brief silence. Mikasa bandages Jean next to you. He had been badly hurt by the debris of Reiner's attack. Then, Reiner's slow and gravelly voice reaches the air. "A letter..." Hange looks at him in surprise. "A letter? What kind of letter?" There is a pause again as Reiner tries to gather the energy to reply. "A letter... from Ymir. You have to... give it... to Christa..." 

"Only after we've inspected it," Hange replies as they put the metal case away and stand up. "Now then, I've got a mountain of questions for you, but... your lips seem as tight as your armour is hard." You react to her words pulling out your sword as you point it threateningly at Reiner. "Are you going to cooperate and tell us everything that we want to know, or not?" You ask as Hange crosses their arms and stares down at Reiner's unmoving form. Hange now has a bandage on their head, no doubt from when Bertholdt transformed, one of their eyes completely covered from the damage. "No..." Reiner mutters out at your words. You frown before turning the hilt of your sword. "Well, at least you're prepared for this," you mutter, as you push your sword against his neck, blood seeping from the wound. 

"Hold on!" Jean shouts out from behind you. "Are you sure Captain, Hange? We might be able to steal his power." You think back to an earlier meeting. Levi had been entrusted with the syringe and vile given to him by Kenny. It could transform one of us into a Titan. We could feed Reiner, or any of the Titans with abilities to that Titan and we would, in turn, retain its powers for ourselves. Hange turns to Jean at his words as you keep your sword pressed against Reiner's throat. "I don't think all the conditions for that have been met." They say to him, as Reiner chokes on his blood at the pressure you hold him to. "We don't know the situation with Levi and the other side. Neither do we have the time to go confirm it ourselves. The reason being, there's no way for us to gauge the full depth of their powers." Hange turns to Reiner at their last words. 

"Even if we cut his head off, we can't be too sure!" They continue to shout out. There is a silence before Jean's words reach the air once more. "This isn't like you, Hange. If we back down because of not knowing something, down the line, can we ever hope to beat the Titans?" Reiner lets out another gasp, blood seeping from his lips as Jean's words linger in the air. "When are we ever going to know all there is about the enemy?" There is more silence, as finally, Hange turns to look at Mikasa and Jean. "Mikasa," they say, as the Scout looks to them in acknowledgement, "how much gas do you have?" Mikasa replies, dark eyes looking at Hange. "It's almost entirely gone. But it should be enough to reach Eren and Armin at least." Hange nods, "That's more than me, or [y/n]." 

"Mikasa... I need you to go check out their situation. Fill up your gas and bring back the injection from Levi. If for any reason, you're unable to do so, fire a smoke signal. That will be our signal to end Reiner." At Hange's words, you finally release your blade on Reiner's throat as he gasps out in relief. "Roger," you hear Mikasa say, as she flies off into the distance. You stand, sighing slightly before Jean starts to speak up. "Hange, I-" But they quickly cut him off in response. "The decision was mine. You were just a factor." Silence takes over but you still eye Reiner warily, not liking your predicament, even though you had won the battle. Levi. You had hoped he was okay. You hoped he had succeeded in the task of killing the Beast Titan. Hange walks over to Jean, as they check over their bandages. 

Moments pass in silence as Hange stands by Jean and you remain in front of the disfigured Reiner who pants in pain. Suddenly, a smoke signal rises in the air. You remember back to Mikasa's words. It was the signal to kill Reiner, that there had been a disturbance of some sort that rendered his life useless to them. You look to Hange who nods from a distance eyes flickering between you and then Reiner. Jean looks like he is about to say something but stops himself as he swallows. This wasn't the Reiner he befriended; this wasn't the Reiner he knew. He was the enemy; if he were in the same position, Jean knew that Reiner would kill him. You unsheathe your sword once more, taking in a deep breath, and looking at the man in front of you. You point your sword to the man, about to deal the finishing blow... But then you hear Reiner’s stuttering voice fill the air. 

"C-Captain... [y/n]... to think... that you... were one of us..." You turn to Reiner, your eyes widening at his words, the sword in your hand faltering. Hange and Jean look at you from a distance but they can't hear the quiet exchange, confusion in their features as they watch you hesitate to kill the man. "What do you mean by that." You mutter pointing your sword at him. "We... we needed Eren... but... he said... we needed you too..." Then you hear it, the sudden trembling of the Earth below, a thrumming beat of giant footsteps making their way to you. But you also feel it, the sudden wave of drowsiness that hits you, along with a prick on your upper arm. You look down. Sure enough, a strange syringe-like form had flown across space, from where you didn't know. It embedded itself into you, and with it, your vision started to blur. You lose your hold on the sword you had held onto Reiner, suddenly feeling yourself falling to your knees, your body slackening. 

You hear Hange and Jean's screams as they yell out to you. But your churning vision now turns to your right, and you see the large Titan you had seen in the distance with the Beast Titan approaching you on all fours, thunderously. Jean tries with his weakened frame to hold Hange back as they scream your name, but you don't have the energy to move or reply. You feel a large hand wrap around you, suddenly being hoisted into the air and landing next to... a man you hadn't seen before. Your eyes are now half-lidded, unable to do a thing, barely able to make up the features of the man. Blond hair... glasses... a lack of arms on his body. "Hange!" you hear the dwindling voice of Connie as he looks at the scene in shock, "They've taken Reiner and Capatin [y/n]!" 

Your ears are now muffled, as you continue trying to move, trying to fight the black descending on your vision. You can make out the sounds of ODM gear in the air. You can hear Hange's voice yelling out to you in desperation. But you can do nothing. You're getting further away from them, your friends, from Levi. The last thing you hear just as the movement of the Titan stops, is the man's voice next to you, uttered softly. 

"I've been waiting to meet you [y/n] [l/n]..." 

Your shock is clouded as you finally lose consciousness. The last thing on your mind... Levi. 

..... 

Hange looks in utter defeat as they finally come to a halt. Lack of gas evident in their tanks. They are in a state of complete disbelief, how could they have lost not only Reiner but you as well? Just a moment ago, they had had the upper hand, Reiner in their clutches, you just fine. What's worse, they would have to inform Levi. Hange could only imagine what devastation would be left in the wake of your absence. They turned to Connie, whose face mirrored one of shock and loss. "C-Captain..." his voice reaches the air wavering and barely a whisper. Hange grits their teeth squeezing their eyes shut before they turn to Connie. "We head back, regroup!" Connie shakes his head slowly, "B-but..." Hange interrupts him swiftly. "We have no gas to chase them, we have no more thunder spears to help with our attack, and we're utterly useless right now. We regroup... let's go!" 

When Jean looks up to see the lack of your presence he swears out, pounding the ground with his fist in defeat. "It's my fault..." He speaks out, voice dull. "I've done something terrible..." Hange knows he thinks it's his fault for not having killed Reiner immediately. Maybe then you would have been more on your guard, maybe then they wouldn't have approached you at all. Hange's face is dark as they look away from the boy. "I said the decision was mine. Let's regroup with the others." Jean's heart pounded against his chest. "C-Captain Levi... what will he say?" Hange is silent, as both Jean and Connie look like they're going to be sick. Ultimately, they decide not to reply to Jean's words. "Let's go." Connie silently puts an unconscious Sasha on their back, as Jean grasps onto Hange, flying through the air towards where a gold glow fills the air. A Titan Transformation. 

..... 

By the time Hange, Jean, Connie and Sasha had arrived where Eren and the rest were, they were met with a shocking sight. The body of a Titan lay steaming on the ground, protruding from it, was the body of Armin, Eren and Mikasa crying as they held him. On a nearby roof, Levi was sitting next to a deceased Erwin looking down at the sight, a lone soldier by his side. Connie and Jean quickly made their way to Armin as well, after gently leaning Sasha against a nearby building. Questions quickly spilled from their lips as Eren and Mikasa shakily gave their answers to them. Armin, on the brink of death, was chosen to be transformed into a Titan. He was chosen over an also dying Erwin who had somehow survived the suicide charge towards the Beast Titan, found by the lone soldier, Flock, who stood by Levi. Armin had then been fed Betholdt, and given the powers of the Colossal Titan, allowing him to survive. 

Hange approached Levi who gave the same answers. He told them about his choice, why he had chosen Armin over Erwin, and how he saw it unfit to bring him back into this hell after being in it for so long. A short moment passed when Eren and Mikasa finally calmed down, collecting Armin and following Hange's orders to take him to the top of Wall Maria. Jean and Connie also listen to Hange's words, taking Sasha as well to set up a makeshift area on top of the walls to allow her to recover away from the destruction in the streets. Flock, the only soldier left from Erwin's suicide charge also nods and goes to help Jean who is still badly injured. The seconds go by tensely as Jean and Connie still have a haunted look in their eyes, their Captain... you... missing. Hange gives them a silent look as they hastily, almost shamefully set off to the walls, following Eren and Mikasa. 

Hange can feel it. 

They can feel the suddenly tense atmosphere in the absence of the other Scouts as they make their way back to the walls. They can feel the way Levi's eyes now scour the area in realisation. They can feel the way he now turns to them, grey eyes ingrained on their backs along with the rising thrumming of his heart. They can feel the anticipation in the next few seconds. They know the question brimming through his mind. Hange feels their heart drop along with their gaze as their face darkens. First, the loss of the entire Scout Regiment, then Erwin... and now...

"Hange... where's [y/n]?" 

Hange can scarcely look up at him, still staring at the ground, facing away from Levi. On the other hand, Levi starts to slowly lose his sanity in the silence that consumes him. Where are you?  Why hadn't you arrived with Hange? What happened? Were you hurt? Did you go ahead to the basement? Were you still on the lookout for survivors? Where are you? Were you- Levi's heart pounds relentlessly against his chest, a strange sensation fills his senses, an unfamiliar feeling of dread... of genuine fear. His hands tremble at his side, eyes wide and pupils contracting. Where were you... where were you... where were-

Levi suddenly moves forward grabbing Hange by the collar of their shirt tightly, forcing Hange to look at him. Anger fuels his movements, impatience causing the rough movement of his hands as he roughly shakes them in his grasp. He sees it in their eyes, the sorrow, the regret... the loss. Levi slowly shakes his head in disbelief. "Hange... where is she?" Hange's silence only makes his rage increase. "Where is she Hange?! WHERE IS SHE!!" Hange finally speaks up, looking pitifully at the smaller man in front of them. Never had they seen him lose his composure as he does now. His eyes are wide, his features fierce, dread filling every rim of his face. "She's gone, Levi... They took her away with Reiner. The strange Titan we saw earlier today and a blond-haired man; the Beast Titan." 

Levi freezes his movements, his grip slackening as he takes a step back. The Beast Titan. The man he failed to kill. The man that escaped his clutches. The man he had stopped pursuing to save Armin. The man that took you away... The man that could've killed you by now, for all he knew. It was his fault. Hange watches as the once stoic Captain turns silent at their words. They watch as he falls to his knees gripping his hands into fists that slowly start to cause blood to seep through his fingers. They watch as his eyes are barely visible under the darkened expression on his face. Levi struggles to keep himself from hyperventilating. Thoughts fill his head at a pace he can't keep up with. You. His lifeline. Torn away from him, in the clutches of the enemy he swore to protect you from. He had lost so many people in his life. You had been a blessing, graced with your strength, with your smile, with your warmth... he had dared believe that you wouldn't leave him like the others did. 

You promised him. 

You swore you'd be by his side, until the end, no matter what end he met. He swore to himself and you, that nothing would touch you. How were you gone? Levi stumbles to his feet, breathing heavily as he struggles to control his emotions. He readies his ODM gear. He would chase you down he would find you by foot if he had to. He would do anything if there was even a slither of hope you were alive. He moves forward, mind in a haze, but something stops him. He looks up, a deranged look in his eyes as Hange almost relents at his gaze. "What are you doing?" They ask as Levi tries to continue on his path whilst Hange continuously stops him. "What will you do?!" They suddenly yell out, their own grief and frustration catching up with them. "Chase them to the ends of the Earth?! Die among the Titans outside the walls?!" Levi interrupts Hange quickly, outrage filling his words, "What would you have me do then?!" He yells, voice echoing the abandoned streets. 

"I don't care if I die, I'm going. Stay out of the way shitty glasses." He mutters darkly. "I thought you hated pointless death." Levi freezes, cold aversion filling his system as Hange mutters the words Erwin had spoken to him many months ago. The man who was now also dead among too many of the soldiers he was ashamed not to be able to count. "I did," he replies but then whispers in a voice barely heard by Hange. "But my life is pointless without her." Hange is taken aback by the vulnerability he allows himself to show for a single moment before he moves forward again. "What will [y/n] say?" They ask as they look at Levi who refuses to meet their gaze. "We have a job to do, we have to fulfil the mission. If you die before we're even allowed to come up with an actual plan to save [y/n], if you die before we fulfil the mission so many soldiers gave their hearts for... [y/n] would kill her yourself." 

With that Hange relents, releasing Levi from their observation and attempts to stop him, they fly off towards the walls. They feel their own heart sink in your absence. You had been their friend too. Always supportive of their experiments no matter how extreme their love for science and Titans grew. They had known you for so long, rising the ranks and growing as soldiers together. Now you were lost to the clutches of an unpredictable enemy because of a decision they made. Not only you but they had watched their squad die before their eyes. Watching as Mobilt pushed them out of the way from the bursts of hot air as the Colossal Titan transformed. Coming to find Levi, only to see that Erwin was also lost to the clutches of death. Hange pushed against the overwhelming depth of their grief as they approached Wall Maria where the other Scouts were tending to each other. Levi was lost in his despair, the other Scouts were lost in their survival and someone had to continue the mission. 

Meanwhile, as Hange left, Levi was rooted to the spot unable to do anything. His heart still hammers against his chest, the heavy feeling of grief filling his chest and making it hard to breathe. He knew Hange was right. That he couldn't save you right now, especially in this state, no matter how desperately he wanted to find you. He was still a Captain of the Survey Corps, with the overwhelming lack of Scouts left, his subordinates would be relying on him. But in that moment Levi allowed himself to think only of you. He walked over to a nearby crate hidden among the destroyed homes. He sat down holding his face in his hands and grip tightening on his locks as his mind reeled in his failure. Your smile. Your touch. Your everything. He felt the warm beginnings of tears run down his face and he yelled out in frustration before losing himself in his sorrow. Utterly defeated he let himself sob, something he didn't know was possible after the many losses making him feel as though he was a hollow shell of emotion. Well, until you showed up. 

He let himself lose himself in your loss, and many long moments passed. But then the instant came when he knew he had to complete the mission. For the sake of you and humanity. So, he loathingly lifted himself from the crate. After several moments he decided to join the rest of the squad that diverted their eyes in the presence of his evidently deathly aura, and darkened face. He prayed to whatever God was out there that this retched day would come to an end... and maybe he'd wake up to you by his side, telling him it was all just a dream.

_____

[Chapter Twenty-Three] <--> [Chapter Twenty-Five]

Tags: @batboygirlie

[moongothic]

Yeah hello hi I've been falling deep into the Crocodad Rabbithole and my brain is being consumed by small crocodile-shaped worms

So I've done what any reasonable person would do, I went back to rewatch some scenes from Alabasta and Marinford to psychoanalyze Crocodile and try to figure out what the fuck his deal is because genuinely the more I think about it the more questions I have and the more I want answers. And because I'm deranged I need to write all my thoughts down into an incoherent essay and release it into the world

So please, come along with me while and let's be Extremely Normal About Sir Crocodile Together and speculate about his ~Secret Past~

Quick note, my quickest access to some of these episodes is either through unsubbed episodes (not bothering with getting screenshots since there's no subs, also my Japanese is plenty good enough to not need it here) or through Ancient, Questionable Fansubs so don't get too hung up on the phrasing in the subbed screenshots- like they're not entirely inaccurate but y'know

The reason I want to do this is just that... Like I've been a fan of OP since 2008, when I was in middle school. I don't think I ever really tried to think deeper about this series in general at that time, because I was a kid. For a long time to me Crocodile had just been Some Greedy Asshole who tried to take over a country to obtain a tool of mass destruction and IDK destroy the world? Just a very classic Bad Guy McVillianMan, because I had not bothered to think about his character and question anything before.

But now I have brainworms due to the Crocodad Theory, and this is fucking One Piece, you never fucking know how deep a rabbithole can go with this bloody series. So let's go, let's try to figure out what the fuck is Crocodile's deal, because I need to get these brainworms out of my fucking system

I just want to start with this one quick throw-away line because it's kind of a sidenote. Also like. This is such a funny fucking thing for Crocodile to say if he is Luffy's dad. Like.

That's so fucking funny if he's Luffy's dad holy shit

But what really gets me here is that like... Like while I'm like 70% sure Crocodile is trans, there's still a part of me that's like "there's no fucking way Crocodad is real". Let alone, this be some kind of a hint Oda planted to suggest that this early on. Like it sounds absurd. And yet at this point in One Piece, Oda had already started planning out and laying out the groundwork for so many lore and plot-relevant concepts, ranging from shit like everything about Robin, the Poneglyphs, the Ancient Weapons etc. He had already started the "Prince Sanji ARG" (aka dropping the tiniest fucking hints to Sanji's Hidden Backstory that people were able to pick up on and make accurate predictions with about Sanji's backstory). There's fucking Laboon, and about a bajillion other things. And possibly most importantly, by this point Oda had already revealed both Luffy's father and grandfather to the readers, not to mention he even introduced Ace and vaguely hinted at Sabo! It's not like Oda had everything perfectly planned out from the very begining, that is objectively not the case at all. But it also literally would not be unlike Oda to drop hints to a character's backstory like this. He has been doing that for years, and had already started by the time we met Crocodile. Like it feels insane and yet it's perfectly plausible. And if he had Luffy's dad, grandfather and two siblings planned out in his head already at this point, it should not be that much of a stretch to believe that Oda knows and no doubt has known for the past two decades who Luffy's mom is (regardless of if that's Crocodile or not)

All this to say. Crocodile's comment about what Cobra said to Vivi when they reunited is a funny, sarcastic comment. But it would take a whole new meaning if Crocodad was real. Because it really would be perfectly normal if he did/had wondered what he would say to his long lost child if they were ever reunited. And really that just makes his roast turn sad.

Anyways

In Alabasta, we do get a very clear image that Crocodile does not like the World Government, not just because he's a Big Meanie Pirate who wants to conquer the world, but because he does seem to look down on how the Marines + World Government do their "justice" (which, y'know, knowing what we know now about the Government. Fair. That's entirely fair.)

He also dislikes Vivi's "idealism" of wanting to save everyone without bloodshed or anyone losing their lives (especially for her sake)

We learn that he is a broken man with broken dreams. Also he seems to be aware where he (supposedy) belongs in the Grand Line's power hierarchy, as in, he needs Pluton because he knows he's not strong enough in combat that he could take down anyone, let alone the World Government by himself (though he would still make a beeline for Whitebeard's head the second he saw him at Marinford, which, y'know, bold move)

And of course, we learn in Impel Down that Crocodile and Iva-chan have some beef. We can not say for 100% sure what that beef is (like the theory he's trans is very obvious and plausible, but until Oda spills the beans we won't know for a fact what the beef is), but we know that they knew each other. And if Crocodile knew Iva-chan, a high-ranking founding member of the Revolutionary Army, then it is genuinely plausible that Crocodile could also have known Dragon and/or been a member of the Revolutionary Army as well.

Since overthrowing the World Nobles and the Government are the Revolutionary Army's goal, the fact that they're trying to obtain weapons and people for their cause etc, Crocodile's view of the Government and his "Operation Utopia" does kind of align with the Revolutionary Army's

But we did also learn from Iva that "Crocoboy" isn't quite trustworthy. Needless to say, even if Croc used to be a part of the Army, he most certainly left YEARS ago, and clearly not on good terms.

Also, an interesting note, is that at Marineford when Luffy and co finally arrive at the battlefield (episode 466, 17:25 minutes in), when Garp spots the group, he makes a specific comment about Crocodile being there together with the revolutionaries and the prison escapees, believing they can't all be here to fight for the same cause. Which is an interesting thing for him to point out specifically. Like Jinbei was another powerful person who entered that battlefield at the same time, and while Jinbei did clarify to Sengoku that he's quitting being a Shichibukai and was there to save Ace, it's still maybe a little odd Garp didn't think it was worth mentioning that Jinbei had also "allied" with the prison escapees and the revolutionaries to enter the battlefield. Like it was Crocodile only whom he thought needed to be pointed out. I don't think Garp's comment adds at all to Crocodad because it would frankly make little to no sense (like we're all assuming Crocodile didn't know Dragon's lastname, which is why he never realized Luffy was his son (despite knowing Luffy's lastname), but if Crocodile knew Garp was Dragon's father then surely he'd realize Dragon's lastname would be Monkey, right), but it could maybe add to the idea that Crocodile might've been a part of the Revolutionary Army in the past, as Garp could be aware of something like that, thus he'd be puzzled by Crocodile's presencee. Point is, it's an interesting comment, make of it what you will

EDIT 2: Ended up going back to reread parts of Marineford and turns out ^that^ was an anime-only addition from Toei. Like Garp does make a comment about how these people probs aren't at the battlefield for the same reasons but did not specifically point out Crocodile or anything. So. I wasted enough time adding these paragraphs to the post, I ain't deleting 'em. But y'know.

EDIT: Minor addition, because I just remembered how Crocodile really went like out of his way to taunt Vivi about how she "can't stop the rebellion" and save her people. Which, y'know, is a perfectly normal Villian Thing To Do. But we know Crocodile does not think fondly of the World Nobles just like he dislikes the Government. Even if Cobra was a "good monarch" who genuinely cared for his people, he was still a king, and the Nefertari family and the Kingdom of Alabasta were a part of the World Government. The thing Crocodile specifically wanted to destroy. And this is just another one of those "surely that wasn't somekinda foreshadowing" but god fucking dammit what if Crocodile telling a(n unknowing) representative of the World Government that she can't stop "the rebellion", or the revolution if I may, (regardless of if he's allied with them or not) was actually meant to be like foreshadowing. Oda I swear to fucking god---

Anyway, so, Crocodile might've been a part of the Revolutionary Army at one point (the army was formed after the Ohara Incident 22 years ago, and for Crocodad Theorizing, Luffy was born 19 years ago), but if he did he must have left on bad terms for unknown reasons, and we can tell that although his goals in general could vaguely match that of the Revolutionaries, his methods most certainly don't.

Whether or not his methods and his worldview tie to his leaving the Army is unknown. Because we don't really know when and how his worldview was formed.

Like did Crocodile leave the Army because he became a cynical asshole who was willing to make any kind of sacrifice for his goals (thus he no longer fit in with the rest of the Revolutionary Army), realized he was far too weak to ever become Pirate King and thus decided to go looking for Pluton? Or did Crocodile suggest to the Army they should try to obtain an Ancient Weapon to keep casulties to a minimum (still in line with the Army), only ending up getting kicked out (big weapon bad), and soon realizing he had no chance at making a change in the world without "cracking a few eggs"?

Like it doesn't nececarily make a massive difference,, since the end result is still the same, but it does kind of affect the context and how one might view him, right

Of course, there's then the Forbidden Third Option, that Crocodile left due to

Gender issues (internalized shame of being trans and not having it in him to stay around people who had known him)

Postpartum depression

Dragon just divorced Crocodile either due to being straight (in a sad, accepting way) or due to being simply unaccepting and frankly homophobic, regardless, Crocodile leaves with a broken heart

Something else and/or a combo of the above, really, we could speculate endlessly here about what could've happened

(Though I will say that Crocodile's '"trust issues"' and how he views people as disposable could like. I dunno. Be explained if he had gone through some heartbreak and was left permanently unable to open up to people, let alone trust anyone)

I dunno, there's a lot of options, a lot of things to considder.

But there is one more thing that I do want to note on as it could potentially debunk the Crocodad Theory entirely.

It's that Iva-chan didn't know Dragon had a son.

(Episode 441, 9:50 minutes) By which I mean, Iva-chan wasn't shocked to find out Luffy was Dragon's son, rather, they were shocked there was a son to begin with. (To the point they thought Ace was also Dragon's son until Luffy cleared it up for them later) While it's not a massive leap to believe that Crocodile and Dragon knew each other (since Crocodile knew Iva-chan), nor is it a massive leap to believe that Iva-chan transed Crocodile's gender after having Luffy... It does become a bit of a leap to believe Iva-chan didn't know about Dragon having a child with Crocodile before giving Croc the Magic HRT. Like if they had a relationship that resulted in a baby and a divorce, how did Iva not know about any of it, especially when it's more than likely that Iva could not have transitioned Crocodile until after the baby was born (let's not think about how Iva-chan's powers would work on a pregnant person too much)

We do also get this flashback (in episode 441, immidiately after Luffy reveals his dad's identity to Iva) where Iva-chan questions Dragon about how he always stares out towards East Blue when the wind blows, wondering if Dragon has family out there whom he's thinking about (Dragon refusing to comment on it). This does very much confirm that regardless of who Dragon had Luffy with, Iva has no fucking clue who, where and how any of that happened. And althought I personally feel like Iva not knowing would debunk Crocodad, if Crocodile still somehow was Luffy's dad, Iva-chan would canonically not know about it. If Iva didn't know Dragon had a relationship that resulted in a baby, then regardless of if Iva even knew Crocodile got pregnant once, they would not be able to connect those dots.

Now let's be clear, there's many potential scenarios where Crocodad could still be real, scenarios that could explain why and how Iva-chan didn't know about Luffy nor about Dragon and Crocodile having a relationship*. Like it would not be difficult at all to come up with an explanation for it. But in my mind, I feel like the more you have to figure out and explain how the theory could still be plausible, the less plausible it actually feels. Like the more I need to go out of my way to explain it, the more forced it seems.

*(For example, maybe the two kept their relationship a secret, and when Crocodile got pregnant he """left on a mission""" that happened to take like 4-10 months, during the time realizing he was trans. Once the baby had arrived he returned the baby to Dragon in secret for him to deal with, got a divorce for one reason or another*, and sought out Iva-chan to start a new life, Iva thus never found out about anything, just knew that Crocodile left one day after coming out. Like that's one plausible scenario.)

*Hey remember the potential Forbidden Reasons to why Crocodile might've left the Army? What if it was Dragon's and/or Crocodile's idea? Remember how when Jinbei is trying to escape Marinford with the unconcious Luffy, Crocodile tells Jinbei to do better job at "protecting those he wants to protect", a line that felt really sudden and odd coming from Crocodile of all people? What if the two knew their child would be in grave danger if he was ever raised within the army (absolutely not a place for a baby)? What if they knew their baby would become a target for the World Government to hunt, much like Roger's lost child was, if the Government found out Dragon had a baby? What if they wanted to make sure nothing bad ever happened to their baby and were willing to do anything to protect the baby? Even if it meant they'd never see their child grow up? Even if it meant hiding your child from your best friend, pretending to have a horrible fallout with them and transing your gender because Oda doesn't know what gender dysphoria is? Just so nobody would ever find out you had a child?

Mind you. I do not want anybody to think this is an actual argument for Crocodad. Like I could write a dozen different fanfics about how Crocodile could be Luffy's other dad, and they would all be just as much pure speculation with nothing to support them as the above suggestions. It is an example of what could have happened, and a deeply interesting thought, but it is just a theory at best.

In the end, it doesn't really matter though, because until the day Oda reveals Luffy's mom and/or Crocodile's backstory to us, we will truly never know for sure What The Fuck Crocodile's Deal Is

And I'll be just stuck with these brainworms, making myself sad by thinking about sad scenarios where Crocodad could be real, because truly, if it's canon, ain't no way it won't be sad

EDIT 3: Originally I thought it'd be good enough if I just rewatched some parts here and there, but in the end I just fucking absolutely caved the fuck in and went and reread The Good Parts of Marineford. Mainly because I knew I was forgetting things and Toei adding/changing things can affect a character reading. Also it was just going to be easier to go through the manga and literally just all of Crocodile's scenes into an image folder for easier browsing, mainly because there's so much shit that happens between those scattered scenes it can be hard to like focus on one thing (especially if you're trying to specifically FIND those scattered scenes and appearances)

So yeah. Coming back a few days later to add shit to this god forsaken post. I need help

Actually changed my mind and made a separate post to continue this nonsense, enjoy

[doyouremem8erme]

I just wanna let you know this blog feeds me marcy content even after the fandoms been dead and I can't be more thankful. GOD this show has such a special place in my heart, it really means a lot to know that there are still people who care about this series to the extent that I do. :)

I have many personal gripes on amphibia /LOVING, but mainly the missed potiental of a kids show by Disney that had to play back a lot of implications about the series to make it more palatable to the executives. I can't help but still respect that they got a way with a LOT, I also can't help but be sad there wasn't more darker scenes in s3 or for implications on true colors/the core/the girls grief as a whole. I can dream....,,,, that's why I live on fanfic and have a whole separate revised series in my head that I think of instead ❤️

Anyways I'm not really sure why I had the motivation to do this, I just think this blog is pretty great. I can't wait to hear more!

hehehe tysm!!! my hyperfixation got super suddenly reawakened right after i moved away to college and so im super nostalgic for the time i spent in this fandom back in high school now... this show really is closer to my heart than any other ive watched and i highly highly doubt ill ever feel the same way about any other show. it will always always be special to me. i said that abt other shows i hyperfixated on like steven universe but even that pales in comparison to what amphibia means to me!!! and marcy angst is ofc the best part of the fandom and i am not biased at all . these characters and their world are so incredible but tbh the fandom is even more special than the show. the true colors hiatus will always be incredibly nostalgic and idk if ill ever feel that same community in another fandom. hell i met my beloved partner of almost 3 years through this fandom and i see us lasting a lot longer. if i met my future wife because of amphibia then it really shows how much this show shaped myself and my life.

that really got away from me but yeah fanon is always there to fill in the gaps of the show. i never wanted to demand anything from this show that a disney cartoon wouldnt go through with but hey. the o&y anniversary is in two days. i sure never thought they would do THAT but they DID and it was horrible and fuckin AWESOME. and maybe thats why amphibia has always scratched my author brain more than any other fandom. the year and a half or so when my amphibia hyperfixation was totally dormant i spent just in the homestuck fandom and while thats easily one of the greatest pieces of media i have ever consumed in my life and ive written a decent handful of fanfic for... i have 80 published works for amphibia. thats so many!!! getting back into amphibia has gotten me writing so much again because theres something about it that is so compelling on its own but leaves enough loose threads open for fanworks to play within its structure and add in things that it feels like its missing.

to further treat ur nostalgia check out my fanart archive blog @3-stones-deity and my 3rd anniversary s3 rewatch project community which i got behind on running because of schoolwork but will certainly be catching up with before o&y!

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

What are some of your favorite manga of all time?

Oh this will be one of the easiest asks I've ever received! You've got me all hype, anon!

Fruits Basket

Wanna get me to talk for hours? Mention Fruits Basket. This was the first manga I ever read back when I was still in elementary school and I've never grown out of my love for the series. I will always have a spot for this manga but it's honestly perfection to me.

I love the characters, the messages, the themes and the emotional depth this manga has made me feel over the years? I honestly wish I could experience Fruits Basket all over again. This is without a doubt my favorite shoujo manga of all time. I love all the characters, I love all the ships. Some of my favorite characters off rip have to be Tohru, Shigure, Hatsuharu and Arisa and Saki. But make no mistake I adore Yuki and Kyo and so on and so forth.

This series does such a great job in such a complicated subject matter concerning neglect and abuse in a way that humanizes the abuser without using said humanization to justify their shitty actions. You leave those moments understanding how that person became how they are but can still completely acknowledge how terrible they are. How you don't have to forgive that person for what they did. And that, if you do forgive that person, that doesn't mean you're just letting bygones be bygones and being kumbaya with them. You can forgive and forget or you can forgive and never forget and that's okay. Your forgiving and moving forward for yourself, not them. And that's one of the things I really liked in the series.

Fullmetal Alchemist

Another series you can get me talking for hours about. You will catch me watching video essay after video essay analyzing this story. I was so into FMA during middle school, one of my moms even bought me the games and made it habit to occasionally buy me the volumes! This is without a doubt, the best shounen has to offer. Quality female characters? Amazing action scenes? Stunning romance? Banger after banger with so many panels I can still recall perfectly.

My favorite volume is definitely volume 15! Because of the manga, Brotherhood is my preference when it comes to the anime adaptations. It has all the homies in it. Another series I wish I could just start from the beginning again with no memory of the source material. These brothers and their friends have altered the chemistry of my brain.

NANA

Still believe that one day Yozawa will grace us with her beautiful art and storytelling all over again. NANA was my first ever jousei read and my dive into jousei as a whole. Until that point all I had consumed were shounen and shoujo so the maturity of the series was one I wasn't expecting. I consumed this series when I was about in early to late middle school and it was so much fun to read.

Now that I'm in my late 20s, holy hell is this hard to binge the way I used to because the themes, the struggles of the character and the realism of those struggles are hitting a little too close to home now. So I can only do NANA in small doses now haha. I even got both of my moms into NANA. Which isn't too impressive when one of my moms has watched the anime of every manga I've mentioned on this ask, but my other mom is NOT an anime fan and she loves NANA so much.

Children of the Sea

Oh my goodness, you definitely oh it to yourself to read this manga. It's not a long a read by any means with only 5 volumes and 43 chapters but it was such a pleasure to read. Maybe this bias comes from someone obsessed with the ocean (which my url definitely implies) and the life teeming underneath the surface but wow this was truly an experience. I watched the movie first and then read the manga, and I'm not sure if that'll shape anyone's viewing experience differently but I do wish I had read the manga first. But both are truly great to check out.

If you want a story about a girl meeting two boys raised by dugongs, this is the story for you. One of my favorite aspects of this read were the side stories labeled Testimony of the Sea. It adds so much to the story without even directly influencing the plot as you see all the strange phenomena that take place in the sea leading up to this mysterious event drawing in our protagonists and what will continue well after its conclusion.

Skip & Loafer

Currently ongoing and a series I was not expecting to like as much as I did. I'm one of the people who got into sukirofa after the anime dropped. 2 episodes in and seeing the absolute beauty and grace of how the staff handled the protagonist's transgender aunt, I had to give this a read and I do not regret in the slightest. This is such a great series and a perfect example how one utilizes 'don't judge a book by its cover'.

Characters you meet at first glance? It only takes a chapter or two before their layers are peeled back and you see how much went in to crafting them and making them more complex than meets the eye. A perfect example of this is the character Mika.

But my favorite chapter has to be ch 29 where you learn what made Nao decide to come out and transition. If you haven't read this series, I won't spoil it, you have to read it for yourself. Prepare for a monthly update schedule, because once that day of the month pops up, it's amazing to see how the sukirofa fandom comes together to scream on twitter and tumblr.

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

The series that gave birth to the greatest hater in anime history. Araki truly drinks and leaves no molecules every time a part comes out. Another ongoing series I didn't expect to like as much as I did. But it's become a series close to my heart since diving into it after I got over my initial hesitance with the art style. Honestly JJBA's art style really grows on you, especially as you see Araki's art and writing develop so spectacularly.

You get equal parts continuous story and standalone adventure. You do need other pieces of the pie, but each part still feels so rich and in-depth and bright and colorful. You don't feel like the new JoJo and characters introduced are extensions of previous existing ones or usurpers that have stolen the panels away from other characters. It's like watching a torch be passed down from JoJo to JoJo, generation to generation (which it technically is since this story follows the descendants of the JoJo that started it all, Jonathan Joestar).

Araki's biggest source of writing inspiration came from how he felt watching Prince concerts. How the story of the concert would suddenly flip and give you a whole new experience. I feel he truly has that down with JJBA.

Concubine Walkthrough

Can't believe I even forgot to add Concubine Walkthrough, so take this quick addendum. This is one of the best manhwa I've ever read in my life and not enough people talk about it. I'm working on a post right now all about why I recommend it.

If you're a fan of sci-fi, romance and want to read an otome isekai romp that subverts your expectations? Please read this manhwa. It's The Matrix mixed with historical Korean fiction (and of course, otome isekai at its finest).

I loved loved LOVED the philosophy behind the story, the themes. The discussion of what reality is and choosing what reality means/is to you. Just because your entire life is a simulation, does that make your entire life up until that point irrelevant? Simulated it may be, your joy, your pain, your love, all of that still felt real, right? There were so many things I never considered about that very topic until I read this series and I feel like more people should give it a go. It's not that long a read (only 128 chapters for the main story with some extra bonus content on the side), please please PLEASE read Concubine Walkthrough if you haven't already.

[erisenyo]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks to @noexoozes for the tag!!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 40!! Though a few of them are drabbles/shorter things from tumblr that I've been slowly porting over, so without those its 32

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 1,638,585 lol holy shit

3. What fandoms do you write for? ATLA! Though I'm thinking about having a go at the Radiant Emperor for @radiantemperorweek if my schedule allows it 🤞I've also been Consumed lately by a particularly pairing of the Game Changers series by Rachel Reid, with a few specific things I'd love to see that were offscreen in the books, so we shall see there as well...

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Love is in the Hair - post-canon established Zukka, one-shot, banter, silliness, identity shenanigans with people not realizing they're sharing political gossip with the Fire Lord

These Things Written - part one of the series that started it all, "what if Zukka was canon", three-part full series rewrite, lots of angst, lots of smut, lots of feels (and technically the next two parts are also on this list, but instead-)

Lessons in Proper Asset Management - post-canon established Zukka, smutty one-shot, Sokka's competence kink vs Zuko being really good at finance, absurdity ensues

Part-Time Plumber, Full-Time Problem - Modern AU smutty Zukka one-shot, based on a grindr exchange about needing a wrench, identity shenanigans, banter, and Mai and Suki absolutely roasting their respective BFFs

Ten Rules For Sleeping With You - canon and post-canon get-together > established relationship fic, all the things Sokka has learned when it comes to sleeping next to Zuko

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes! I am very behind right now, but I appreciate the time and thought people put into them so much, and I love chatting back!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Ohh I love a happy ending, so this is hard. Its probably Darling I Think There's Maybe Something You Should Know, part of my Zukki series where we end with Sokka and Suki realizing Zuko doesn't think they're together, and has been going on other dates.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I love a happy ending, so this is hard in a different way! I'll go with To Be Named, To Be Known (To Be Loved), because ending with a big wedding and laughter just sets a particular mood :)

8. Do you get hate on fics? I wouldn't classify it as hate as much as people occasionally disagreeing with certain characterization, usually Iroh or Katara from the Burning Bright series, and having a lot of feelings about it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Lol you bet I do. And basically all of it? I think the only thing I haven't written technically is f/f and that's just because I haven't had time for my foursome get-together fic yet

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Not yet and I'm not sure I will, sometimes the framework of two stories fits well together, but I tend more toward AUs than crossovers

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! These Things Written was translated into Russian

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Technically Night Call, though that was more like tumblr posting back and forth that suddenly got long enough for AO3 haha

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? I primarily write Zukka, but I have so many favorites! I love Zukki, Jetko is great, my Jeeko longfic idea has had me in its grips for years, there are ships across other fandoms I love to read. I'm a multishipper at heart.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I...don't actually have any of these. I only post thing when they're already finished, and I don't do well writing multiple works at one time, so I tend to just finish things sequentially rather than have a bunch of WIPs floating around. (Ideas that I want to write but may never...that's a whole different question.)

16. What are your writing strengths? I think I'm really good at writing fun smut scenes that still back a lot of emotional punch, and I love dialogue! I also think I'm good at inverting tropes and reader expectations in fun ways to draw out/build narrative tension.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Descriptions, probably. I struggle to make place and people descriptions feel integrated into the next, rather than like clunkily bolted on. Usually I feel like its interrupting the pacing and I end up cutting it significantly back.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I'd be cautious of it if I didn't speak it myself, unless I was trying to represent someone with a similar level of competency, just because there are so many nuances of word choice and sentence structure and translation that would probably go over my head.

19. First fandom you wrote for? ATLA!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? This is impossible to answer! I love them all so much in such different ways. To Open Every Door to Night, To Meet Each Rising Sun will always be up there, writing Azula was so much fun. I think Of Tea and Turtle Ducks (and the Turtle Duck Guy) absolutely knocked the whole overarching metaphor out of the park, To Cleave These Roots We've Made is maybe my best like angst/emotional intensity fic, All Along You Were There (But I Missed It) just delivered on the mood and vision I had so well and showcased this warm romance so perfectly, and I'm really cheating so I'm going to make myself stop there haha

And lets see, tagging @sword-and-stars @spacecasehobbit @ranilla-bean @lizardlicks @hot-flippin-mess and anyone else who wants to play!

[blood-mocha-latte]

~ miscellaneous tag game ~

tagged by the lovely @mutantmanifesto and @dontirrigateme <3

Favorite place in the world you’ve visited?

rough draw but munich! 'twas gorgeous and also where I got engaged

Something you’re proud of yourself for?

dragging my ass through college in two years and double majoring. nearly killed me but by god it's done

Favorite books?

the awakening by kate chopin - the woman in white by wilkie collins - all quiet on the western front by erich maria remarque - a tree grows in brooklyn by betty smith - letters from the 442nd by min masuda

Something that makes your heart happy when thinking about it?

mah wife (borat voice)

Favorite thing about your culture?

god what even is my culture. how unhinged would i sound if i said swamps and rigatoni

When did you join the HBO War fandom? What was the first show you watched?

joined about three years ago but not on tumblr, but watched the pacific first

Have you read any of Easy Company’s books? If so, which ones were your favorite?

no because i. have a reading list and they aren't up in the queue lmao

Favorite HBO War character and your favorite moment with them?

leckie. he’s like. webster if webster was a wet cat what’s not to love. favorite moment is all moments ever EXCEPT for the sex scenes because what kind of hallucinogen did i take to have to watch that

Do you make content for any fandoms, if so; what sort of content?

i write fic and am. a little consumed by it at all times. i also make edits but am going through a bit of a rut with that so for now only writing thank you

Favorite actor/actress and your favorite film of theirs?

eliza dushku for her wonderful performances in buffy the vampire slayer and angel (i'm gay. can you tell)

Favorite quote/s that you wish to share with others?

just this entire dick allen poem which is luztoye coded forever and ever

Random fact your mutuals/followers don’t know about you?

hm. idk. i once got bit by a raccoon in a bayou and had to get rabies shots for the next two weeks

If you’re a writer, do you need a beta reader (say yes so I can be your beta reader 🤭)?

i write everything by hand and then put in in the Computer which is like. a built in beta edit. and then mah wife (borat voice) betas for me because she's wonderful

Three things that make you smile?

mah wife (borat voice) (i'm predictable)

our air purifier (i’m old)

our vintage dog teapot

Any nicknames you like?

my name is three letters long like there's not a lot of leeway there. i went by adelasia for a while which is my middle name but like. that's it. does papera count

List some people you love to see around on tumblr!

@lamialamia is the pillar of my entire person at all times and genuinely one of the nicest people i’ve ever met. linh wrote this wonderful fic for the secret santa exchange, which i am currently reading and fawning over

@staud is easily one of the talented people in the entire hbo war fandom and has the fucking VISION for gifs and videos. most recent of which i’ve watched (and panicked about) being an incredible eugene sledge video. erin is also just fucking funny bro idk what to tell you

@mutantmanifesto is someone that is like. genuinely a celebrity to me. every time i see lenora’s drawings anywhere i have flashbacks like i’m in the louvre. also just a wonderful person with incredible taste

@ep6bastogne is on a tumblr hiatus right now but always deserves a shoutout. she did incredible edits of skinny sisk, eugene roe, ron speirs, and david webster for the secret santa exchange that changed my brain chemistry forever and is one of the warmest people i’ve ever talked to

@ewipandora is someone that i’m ALWAYS holding hands with <3. both a genuinely funny and wonderful person and has incredible taste in reblogs. ewi is currently doing a band of brothers ship series that i plan to Consume as soon as possible because i have no doubt that they’re incredible

@dcyllom is an incredibly underrated and kind part of my Dashboard Experience™ and is also just wonderful and one of my favorite Tumblr People :)

@educationalporpoises is a genius and an INCREDIBLE writer. zee was my secret santa gifter and this luztoye fic knocked it all the way out of the park and into the cemetery, which is how hard it slayed. also wins for best mutual handle

@almost-a-class-act is ridiculously supportive and kind, and a backbone of the hbo war fandom forever and always. sam’s also one of the best fucking writers to ever grace this earth, with the most recent thing i’ve read being this top notch luztoye fic <3

What would you do during a zombie apocalypse?

die. girl i work in an er i'd be the first to go

Favorite movie?

ladri di biciclette for all time favorite movie ever. a perfect movie

Do you like horror movies?

it depends entirely on the level of homoerotism that can be found in those movies. and also if matthew lillard is in it

Tagging:

everyone mentioned above as well as anyone who wants to do it since i have no clue who’s been tagged :)

[blackfire-fanfiction]

Leo and Leon from my Soul Switching AU drop into the @tmntbestsibscompetiton!

[Soul Switching: Rise Leo and 2012 Leo switch with each other when they sleep. Two people sharing their life with the other causes drama. Leo is 2012, Leon is Rise]

Two blue portals – one a bright, electric shade and the other a more dull and calm color – opened above a large area with many different kinds of people wandering about.

The only problem? The portals were angled so when two turtle mutants fell out of them they collapsed on top of each other.

The two groaned, shifting and collapsing into an even bigger mess on the floor.

“Ugh, what hit me?” The red-eared slider mutant, shifted to prop himself arms with his arms.

The other quickly got his bearings, immediately sitting up when he heard the familiar voice. “Leon?”

The red-eared slider turned. “Leo? What are you doing here? I was not expecting another one of these situations to be happening.”

“I don’t think this is another situation like that…�� Leo looked around, trying to figure out what happened. “Huh. This isn’t my world, but it isn’t yours either. It seems to be some sort of place where multiple worlds can hang out? I mean there’s a lot of versions of us here, so maybe there’s a big threat that needs to be handled that needs a bunch of us helping out.”

Leon rolled his eyes fondly. “Dude. Chill. There’s literally a big banner that says ‘TMNT Best Sibs Comp’, so I don’t think there’s a big threat to the universe or anything like that.”

“Comp? Like competition?” Leo asked, interested. He got a competitive gleam in his eyes. “How do we win?”

“I have no clue. But hey! At least we’re in our own bodies. It’d suck if we just got thrown here while we were switched.” Leon said, standing up. “But we can agree that this is so cool, right? Just like Jupiter Jim and the Jim Jupiters!”

“I think you mean Space Heroes Episode 329: The Trans-Dimensional Crew!” Leo responded. “But heck yeah this is cool! I know we’ve kinda already had the whole other worlds thing figured out, but this is wayyy different. There’s so many different versions of you around here!”

Leon grinned. “I know right!? I wonder if everyone here has the switching thing. I know there’s probably differences between each group, but not everyone, right? Also JJ and the JJs is way better than that Space Heroes episode. 20 minutes of a tv series is nothing compared to a full JJ movie!”

“Yeah it’d be so weird if we’re the only versions of us that switch. Wait, what if the switching isn’t with us, but with our brothers!” Leo gasped. “And how dare you disrespect Space Heroes. Just because it’s a show doesn’t make it any worse that Jupiter Jim. I’ll even say it makes it better than Jupiter Jim!”

“Oh my god, imagine a world where Donnie switches! Jupiter Jim’s better.”

“I’m pretty sure your brother would have somehow just consumed my Donnie’s soul. There’s no way those two would be able to coexist like we do. There’s no beating Space Heroes.”

“Don’t doubt your Donnie, just because mine is more showy with his craziness doesn’t mean yours isn’t equally unhinged. Jupiter Jim.”

“You know who’s really unhinged? My Raph. Especially compared to yours. Space Heroes.”

“Ha! They would never be able to hide it! There’s no way they could ever pretend to be the same person — they’re just too different! Jupiter Jim.”

“Just imagine Raph in Raph’s huge body. Space Heroes.”

“Honestly a bit terrifying. Jupite– oh look, a bracket! Looks like a tournament style thing. Though only the first matchups are shown…” Leon got distracted from the back and forth by a big screen showing the standings.

“Hm? Where are we on it?” Leo turned his head to see where Leon was looking, scanning the list.

“I don’t know, there’s a bunch of weird names for each group. Which makes sense, it’s not like they can just write our names, with everyone being the same person and all.” Leo drummed his shell as he looked.

“Soul Switching? You think that’s us?” Leo asked.

“Where’s that? Oh, yeah, could be. Bit on the nose, isn’t it?” Leon stared at the bracket. “Wait, does that mean that we’re the only people that switch?”

Leo shrugged. “I guess it was always a possibility. It is a little weird though. There’s so many people here, and none of them switch like us?”

“That’s what I’m saying! Who are we up against, anyway?” Leon squinted at the screen.

“Some group titled Separated Leo? I have no idea what that could mean for our chances. And none of the Leos around here seem to be alone. Maybe we should ask around? Figure out what group we’re up against?” Leo scanned the crowd. “I’m sure we’ll be able to beat them with no struggle― wait why did I just get a foreboding feeling. We’re not going to lose that bad, right?”

--- This is the first time I've really written anything solid for these two, so the characterization is a bit wonky.

[abcd-em]

20 Questions (for fanfic writers)

Tagged @fieldsofview & @seek--rest - thank you!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

112!

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

1,318,348

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Some version of Spidey almost always, though I've dabbled recently!

4. top five fics by kudos:

Everybody Talks with @seek--rest

Parallel Lines with @seek--rest

Picking up the pieces of a lego house

Learning curve

Been waiting for you

5. do you respond to comments?

Yesss

6. what is the fic your wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm.

Probably Giving My 5 green tiles to you?

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The TBART series for sure.

8. do you get hate on fics?

No direct hate. I've more had some very backhanded remarks and unsolicited criticisms that have been sent my way.

9. do you write smut?

Oui. I do now innit

10. craziest crossover:

Until this weekend I hadn't written any sort of crossover before, merely AUs inspired by existing media.

So I suppose my only crossover will have to be my craziest which isn't that crazy at all as its post NWH Peter meeting a few X-Men

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware?

Please don't this isn't an invitation

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

YES!!! It is so fun!!

The idea daunted me for a time bc of self doubt innit, but it takes all the fun of screaming about your own writing and screaming about your friends writing and mashes it into one huge cacophony of screams!!

14. all time favorite ship?

Has to be petermj. They're just built different to ME

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Hmmm I've been humming and hahing about a line that separates words - I started it in a flurry while consumed with other fics and the outline SHOWS, plus it being a Christmas fic means I have to be in a certain mood which has made it very hard to return to

16. what are your writing strengths?

Getting into a characters head, building out a world from their pov.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions. Whether it's scenery or physical character or action. The image of a scene is so clear in my head but translating that to word is difficult.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

If it needs to be there, yeah.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

Wouldn't you like to know

20. favorite fic you've written?

AHHHH

Some version of you, right now

Tagging: @weezly14 @missamyshay @the--journeys @hollow-dweller @ambivalentmarvel @shrinkthisviolet

[lollytea]

What would be your headcanon for how jealous would play out in a huntlow relationship cause they seem to healthy to do the whole make jealous thing, also I love your blog it’s a god send.

Neither Hunter nor Willow are especially prone to jealousy. Everybody gets jealous now and again so they both probably experience it occasionally but not to the extent that it affects their relationship.

Gotta remember that when Hunter first met Willow, she was very popular and well liked at Hexside, something he must have noticed before he even started developing a crush on her. His initial impression of her was a cool powerful witch that tons of people admired. So he's certainly not thrown off when that admiration from others starts making an appearance in a romantic sense.

It does not bother him. Not one bit. Because in his opinion, it's perfectly understandable. Like. What's he supposed to do? Confront them and demand they not have a big stupid crush on her? She's Willow fucking Park. It's a no-brainer. If somebody asked that of him a few months ago, he would be at a complete loss on how to go about it. He'd probably be more offended if somebody their age mentioned that they didn't have any interest in her whatsoever.

I like to believe that, while Hunter will probably still grapple with a lot of self-doubt post-series, his relationships are what he's most emotionally certain about. He doesn't question if the people who love him actually love him and that includes Willow. Huge growth from him. He's very secure in the fact that she's not going to suddenly meet somebody else and lose all interest in him. He knows he gets more love and attention from Willow than anyone else who's into her. So he's chill with half of Hexside fawning over her to their collective heart's content.

It's shit like

"I saw you flirting with Willow Park in the hallway. Aren't you worried her boyfriend is gonna get mad?"

"Dude I was talking to her boyfriend at lunch and he was giving me advice on how to impress her."

Willow on the other hand, is not an extremely jealous person but I like to believe that something about another person expressing an interest in Hunter tugs out a slightly petty and immature side of her. Emphasis on slightly.

It's the same side of her that was eager to crash the Owl House into Blight Manor just to show Amity that their moonlight conjuring was better than hers. It's the same side of her that used to just sit there and silently seethe at her desk when Boscha and her friends would snatch her pens and hairclips and snacks without any consideration for the fact that they were hers and you can't just take her stuff.

Of course, Willow has matured a lot since then. She's in a better place mentally. She's tons more confident and understands that, as Captain of the Flyer Derby team, its almost impossible to bully her anymore.

She's not threatened when people flirt with Hunter. She trusts him. She's just astounded at the audacity. Because surely, you are not trying to snatch Captain Willow Park's boyfriend right from under her nose, right? You can't be that dumb, right?

Willow is excellent at hiding it. Her actions are subtle. But if this is ever happening, she just wanders over, friendly as ever, though suddenly a lot more affectionate with Hunter than she tends to publicly be. Getting a little clingier is all she does to establish that flirting with him just simply isn't going to fly. And it usually stops after that.

So yeah. It definitely irks her a bit. But she never really lets jealousy consume her.

[nemo-of-house-hamartia]

Swear to the Gods, the amount of brainfog that I get when I have to write needs to be studied.

For example: when I artwork, the brain feels orderly and organized, I know how to proceed, the due steps, and I can listen to music without any problem because the melody actually transports me to the places where I need to mentally go, in order to draw what I need to draw.

And while sometimes I get frustrated with my own lack of skills, it's overall a very pleasant and relaxing experience that leaves me wanting to draw more and more.

WITH WRITING, DEAR GODS.

I feel anxiety starting to build up between where my stomach and my throat, when I write I just feel doubt and my inner saboteur pocking at my brain, I need to think in English (which I already do, in a way, but one thing is writing in a literary fashion, and one is the English I use when writing post - think of that meme with the whole "me name potato") and after I am done, I feel more drained than ever.

And I know that it frustrates me becasue the amount of caffeine that I consume when writing is WAY HIGHER than the one I consume when I draw.

Which is why there are MONTHS between one chapter and the other.

SO YEAH.

Can you guess that I tried to open up my Scrivener because I wanted to write something, and failed miserably?? lolololol

If I could AT LEAST get rid of the anxiety, that would be a huge thing already.

Like, for example: I want to write Chapter 6, finish it once and for all and get it out of my system.

But because my brain is a fucker who thrives on OCD, he is bugging me TO NO LIMITS now that I am introducing a character from the Deep South of the US.

Because even as an Italian raised and born in Italy, after watching enough movies and tv series, I know that people from the southern part speaks with a certain accent and sometimes use certain expression that a northener might not use (pretty much like in Italy).

And as I said, my brain is an OCD fucker and wants ME, how has 0 knowledge of the vernacular, to have the character to be immediately identifiable throguh the dialogue.

AND THIS IS BLOCKING ME.

TO WAYS THAT I CANNOT EVEN START TO EXPLAIN.

Because a part of me wants to say FUCK IT and just go ahead and write with the English I know.

But the other part of me is like FML, I WANT THAT TO FEEL AUTHENTIC. Because I can HEAR HIM speak in my brain with that accent, but I cannot, for the life of me translate that on paper.

And so, I basically found myself at an impasse that I cannot, for the life of me, overcome in any way.

GODS.

*rant over*

*huge sigh*

I love writing.

I know deep down that I am capable to deliver a somewhat decent drabble/one-shot/chapter.

But trust me when I tell you that Imposter Syndrome is real.

[wiltking]

full review for Ocean's Blood ★★★★★ by Thelma Mantey, provided in return for being an ARC reader:

I am rounding up my review from 4.5 stars to 5 because despite a few small criticisms I had, I consumed this book in about 2 days and am desperately clawing for the sequel.

The book's description does not do it justice. My eyes honestly glazed over the first time I read it, and I only stopped from backing out of the page when I noticed the comparison to Captive Prince at the end. Which filled me with dread, because despite being one of my favorite series to this day, the few dark gay romances Capri has inspired have failed, in my eyes, to hit the marks that make it so special. But my curiosity got the best of me. What if Ocean's Blood understood the marks? What if /this/ was the book that could finally touch the same vein that Capri first awakened in me, and has been starving ever since?

I can't accurately say how glad I am I gave this book a chance. It delivers on every front, and so much more. It goes beyond its own comparison to Capri and delivers wholly unique lore that always had me fully gripped, despite being relatively exposition heavy (the first of my criticisms). Ocean's Blood delivers vampires under its own name, with enough solid and distinct lore to make that name stick. Singers are terrifying, and the dread they instill from the very first chapter had me enthralled. So did the story, which pulled no punches, and had me feeling gored and helpless as I followed Vindt's painful story.

A lot of dark fantasy, in my experience, tends to shy from going too dark, or loses itself in gratuitous misery at the expense of other elements. Ocean's Blood hit a perfect balance for me. Violence, pain, and blood, yes, but also the careful undercurrents of something more. Something that has no business blossoming under these grim conditions, and I can't wait to see how that thread will no doubt continue in the sequel. Because another thing this book throws itself into wholeheartedly is its /slowburn/. Which, in this day and age, seems to be a dying genre, at least in its fullest form. As well as enemies to lovers (truly enemies!), and oh how delightful it is to find a book that not only understands the assignment but loves it, and wields it to tear at my heart like a singer's own song.

As for Vindt and Ashe - I feel like we've only scratched the surface of their personalities, and knowing that the story isn't finished yet makes me wary of giving an assessment too early. But I'm excited for what was set up for them at the end of this book, and my curiosity for what will happen to them (and between them) will eat at me every day. If it wasn't already obvious, I'm deeply invested, and will sing this book's praises every day if that's what it takes to get the next book released.

My only other criticism is a few minor points where the language broke my immersion ('braincells'? 'vibes'? what year and world does this story take place in, again?) but they were very easy to overlook. For a debut novel this is extremely promising, I have already begun to tell all my friends about it, and anyone else who will listen. This is an author to watch and support by any means.

[universal-kitty]

Alright. The Solasposting is going beneath the cut- as written as it was on Discord- because if I try to force myself to make any of those into something that makes sense enough for a text post... I'm probably just going to put it off forever. 😔

And if my server has to hear it, then y'all are gonna have to, too!!!

Okie, let's go-

I am getting scruffed by the back of my neck by Solas OTL

His angst compels me.

—

HE’S SO ANGSTY BUT THE HEARTACHE IS SO BITTERSWEET…..

And like. Not even bad… The sweet aspects are haunting my brain.

—

[once I got onto my laptop-]

Like. The whole thing of keeping secrets. Carrying the guilt of failing a whole people, and trying to right it, while only able to ever seemingly select wrongs. Had he even loved anyone, before it all? Certainly not during it; by the time Solas was awake again, guilt was consuming him in waves. He was weak, and could only put together a history he'd missed... Regrets formed out of a love for the people he was most fond of.

...And yet, it's out of those broken people that they happened. Idc on anyone being like, "I want to romance him as [other race]," THE POINT IS the poignance of him looking at an "echo" of his true people (an elf!!), and yet..... He knows he shouldn't, and yet.......

I am ILL with the fact that he loves the Inq. I've seen a post arguing/wondering it. He does. Does he love them more than trying to correct his prior mistake...? Alas, no. AND YET HE DOES LOVE THEM!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH

—

OH, OH AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO MENTION....... My favorite.

Cam's my P1 for my Dragon Age experience. Playing as an elven mage, cause fuck it, I'll be everything he wants me to be. No regrets, babeyyyy!!!!

Anyways.

—

The same mf who's like. "Oh, we shouldn't." / "I don't want to lead you on or encourage these things."

Is the same mf who attempts to dissuade romance/interest in him and then initiates both of the kisses I've seen so far.

HE'S REALLY OVER HERE LIKE, "We shouldn't................ Unless-? "

{ Edit / Note: Funnier bc I half-lied here?? By accident?? Technically, the first kiss goes to Inq. for kissing him in the first place; they're the one to jump the minor, street blockade to kiss him in the first place!!! BUT-!!!! When their confidence to continue and pursue it further fails more than a...rather chaste kiss, Solas is the one to shake his head, and pull them in for more.

{ He very much did not have to!! He has a temporary regret over it, even, how he caved right quickly to his desires...and yet, if Inq gives the nudge of, "No, I do want this," he doesn't...stop it, either. He relents just as quickly.

{ ...I think he's just very funny (in a "I'm going feral over the Meanings" kind of way) that... For someone who's got so much going on. Looots of baggage he was hesitant to share? He really doesn't hold himself back as much as he gives HIMSELF credit for..... LOL! I love him so fiercely. }

Waking up randomly at 7 AM with full consciousness to go:

Also. For someone who brings so much hurt, he never hurts the Inquisitor….

Like. There are no fights. He can be a bit on edge or defensive, but the moment he is called out for it/pointed out, he apologies, puts down his hang-ups, and continues to speak with clarity on whatever was troubling him.

He’s not wholly truthful, of course; he had doubts until the end if he could trust his own love…..

But holy fuck, you can call him out on that.

In the DLC, you can legit point out to him, “Did you think I’d reject you? That I wouldn’t hear your side?”

I’m so. Hhhh- [posi]

{ Note: Yes, I did legitimately wake up with full consciousness one morning. Go, "Solas! I need to talk about Solas," and then wrote all of that. In one go. The powers of this romance arc, ig!! }

—

I get to sit front seat and watch this all go down with my chara… Agony. /aff

Worth it, tho. I got into this series for this damn egghead, and I’m not backing down, even knowing all I know!!!

—

…also The Veilguard is on its way, and. Our prior relationship to Solas- in Inq- is going to matter and…I keep wondering to how much of a degree????

Literally been half-begging Cam that our first chara in Veilguard is in the same world as my Solasmancer…just to see what that’d mean for Veilguard… (It’s also been 10 yrs in game?? Is my Inq okay?? Solas, are you still keeping an eye on them????)

—

Lines that've been haunting me:

Lavellan sometimes came awake from dreams in which her lover watched her sadly from across an endless distance. If they were more than simple dreams, she could not say, for every time she reached for him, he vanished into nothing.

—

And fun fact-!! In an era where elves were long lived and, essentially, immortal, they lost their hair after a millennia of age! (Solas falls into this category, of course.)

—

He also doesn't like tea. I am finding that oddly charming abt him...

—

I am. Trying not to cry in public AS IT ALL CLICKS—

The obsession not just w/ the angst, but the specific flavor of, “Let me love you. I want to love you, so please… Let me in. (You love me, too, and I won’t let you run from that.)”

[SCREAMS!!!!!]

—

I want to hold his stupid (lovely) hand and pull the damn cork on all he’s been holding back, so I can hear his stories!! The history he was there for, without trying to obfuscate the truth of it!!!

I can’t handle this, what da hell……………

MORE FUN FACTS ABT SOLAS!!!!!

He has worn a wig before!!! He tried to fake being a bard, was succeeding....except his dumbass wasn't drinking the tea he ordered...and he later admits, "Yeah, I was trying to not be obvious in every way, but, uh.... Yeah, still don't like tea. LOL"

Anyways, this is relevant bc he wore a wig as part of his disguise!! It was blonde and fluffy, apparently. (And they recently confirmed he probably still has it, ehehe)

—

I REALLY-

Anyways. I'm too badly down for the elf.

—

Trying to do my damned Elvhen language study and.

Person went into talks over how words sharing meanings work w/ the confession Solas did. The feelings hit so hard, I legit feel unwell, ahaha. /lh (It's not srs!! We are fine.)

—

I'm. Hggghhhhgghgh.

—

WHATEVER, I'm sharing my agonies w/ everyone here:

For example, the now loved phrase that Solas tells the player in a romance: "Ar lath 'ma vhen'an." While in the game it is written as "Ar lath ma vhen'an," I believe this is incorrect (I am love you home? huh?). In this case, 'ma is a contraction of mine. Translated literally it would mean "I am love, my home," (remember, 'to be' can be implied). It should be noted that 'home,' has many translations within Elvhen, as they are a very symbolic people. They have a different word for the literal (arla), conceptual (in), and symbolic (vhen'an) meanings for 'home.' In the case of vhen'an, this is the symbolic meaning, which is why a second translation for vhen'an is 'heart.' "Ar lath 'ma vhen'an." I love you. You are my home. | I love you. You are my heart.

—

MY HEART NEARLY SQUEEZED TO ITS END CAUSE OF THOSE PARAGRAPHS

I need everyone to "suffer" with me.... The romantic agonies...

—

Like... Holy fuck. Saying "you are my home" AND "you are my heart" at the same damn time????

Anyways,

—

[ Redacted piece where I go into new depths of Oh No, My Emotions over gifs of his romance scenes... 1) I do not want to grab new gifs/the gifs rn! 2) I am losing my mind again. I'm going to replay this game at some point?? Help. ]

Update: I'm about to start crying at my desk.

What I wanted: need some sappy romance shit in Elvhen. What I got: Learning abt the Fade & tombstones appear in a scene that show everyone's worst fear. Solas' is.....dying alone.

SOLAS HAS CONFIRMED TEA THAT HE LIKES!!!! A WIN FOR TEA!!!!!!!

Q. “Does Solas have a type of tea he doesn't mind as much as others? Or are all of them equally detestable?” A. "Orange zinger."

{ TL;DR of points beyond this... I guess I'm going to try orange zinger tea at some point, just to see what the hype's about! That, and I saw some recipes when I looked it up, so I suppose I'll be trying those, too...? Seems fun, at the least! }

You are now up to date on whatever accursed things are running through my mind at this time.