#I have an idea for a project which may or may not come to fruition...

[krenenbaker]

Mushroom Risotto :)

Made with white button mushrooms and mixed wild mushrooms. I think Jade and Silver would both be pleased ^u^

This is the recipe that I used, slightly modified to suit my personal tastes. Nothing fancy, but it's always a delicious dish.

[stonedcoldfoxtarot]

How you will step into your rich bitch era + advice

Pile 1 -> Pile 2 -> Pile 3

Pile 1:

3oS, 9oP, World, 5oW, Empress (AoW)

I see that some of you may have recently experienced a setback in your career or personal life that was mostly outside of your control. For many of you, this may have been in the form of an unexpected job loss or an expensive and contentious divorce or separation. However, I see this situation as a blessing in disguise because whatever you lost had already outgrown its usefulness in your life. For many of you, this misfortune has already led to an unexpected material gain and an increased feeling of self-confidence in your ability to stand on your own two feet. If not, I see this set back being short lived, as you are now well on your way to stepping into your winning season.

Deep down you know the world is yours, and from here on out I see you will be working to achieve a level of self-mastery that allows you to realize all of your goals. Some of you may decide to work in the field of Project Management or Marketing and PR, while others of you may be interested in careers that involve lots of international travel or relocating to a different country. I see that whatever path you choose Pile 1, you have the determination and fortitude to take on the competition and still come out on top.

For a few of you, I feel you could also be fighting with yourself or feeling divided about which direction to take next. You have a lot of different skills that could take you in completely opposite directions and you might be struggling to focus on or pick just one option. However, I see that once you figure out which path to choose you will move forward with determination until you reach a life that resembles the one you’ve always dreamed of. Whatever you decide to do, keep moving forward Pile 1 because it only gets better from here!

Advice: 9oP

Always remember that you have full control over your financial abundance and success. Start cultivating your dream life by building upon the work you have already done and you will be amazed at how quickly things begin to fall into place. If you’ve felt compelled to pursue a career that provides you with the freedom to set your own schedule, you are being advised to explore other options outside of a traditional 9 to 5.

Pile 2

AoW, Empress rev, Chariot, 10oP, Magician (9oP)

If you're not already self-employed, I see that many of you have a lot of creative ideas in your mind that are just waiting to be acted upon or brought to life. For some of you, I see that in the past you may have experienced periods of stagnation in your career which of course left you feeling frustrated and angry or even depressed. At some point, you may have felt rejected in your previous efforts or that others did not recognize all that you really have to offer. If that resonates, I see you are now focused on balancing your emotions surrounding past failures and regaining control over your circumstances as you dust yourself off and try your luck again. Pile 2, many of you are incredibly talented and hard working. I’m hearing that all that is needed to step into your rich bitch era is for you to confidently move forward towards the direction of your dreams, knowing that what is meant for you is already yours.

In fact, pile 2, once you find your niche or begin to put in work towards a new project or idea, I see you quickly becoming unstoppable! Many of you are visionaries and forward thinkers, possessing the strength and vitality necessary to bring your creative ideas or business ventures to fruition in a way that most others cannot. You have a natural talent for thinking outside the box, and this is what makes you so powerful. Regardless of any losses you may have faced in the past, you have all the resources and strength needed to pursue whatever you desire in this lifetime. For many of you, I see that success and abundance are right around the corner, if it’s not already here now. And if you are not self-employed or an independent contractor, I see that you will find success as an entrepreneur once you combine your creative ideas with your knack for selling, investing or bringing in money from multiple sources. I see that some of you may end up retiring early and living off of several streams of passive income or interest & residuals. Pile 2, your life has the potential to be the embodiment of the phrase “work smarter, not harder.”

Advice: Justice

Pile 2, if you have been feeling lost, confused or unbalanced in your career, you are being advised to seek out ways to bring fairness, clear-thinking and balance back into your life. Some of you may be a Libra sun, moon or rising, as represented by The Justice card, or you may feel naturally drawn towards a job or career in the legal field. Those of you who resonate with this card are powerful decision-makers who have reached perfect equilibrium between the intuitive and the intellectual mind. To step into your abundant era, focus on restoring balance in your life, especially emotional balance, so that you can allow the laws of karma to begin working in your favor once again.

Pile 3

10oP, 5oC, 9oC, 8oS, Magician (High Priestess)

Pile 3, I see that many of you have achieved financial abundance and prosperity in the past, but you may have also recently experienced financial losses or setbacks which have effected you quite deeply. Some of you may have been let go from a large company or corporation, or you feel stuck in a dead end job, trying to make ends meet as your costs rise and your savings continue to dwindle. Despite this, I see you haven’t lost hope for a new beginning, as you still really desire to live a life full of abundance and financial freedom like you did once before.

Pile 3, I see here that some of you are not recognizing your own power or that you give it away easily to those who may not have your best interest at heart. There could also be an issue with you simply wishing for things to get better instead of taking action to go after what it is you truly want. I feel this could be due to a fear of failure or of making a decision and being stuck with it. I also feel that some of you may feel stuck or trapped due to internal or external pressures, some of which might stem from your past, your childhood or the unealistic expectations set upon you by others.

However, I see that as you begin to harness the power of your mind to plan, direct and create your ideal life, things will slowly but surely begin to turn around for you. Many of you may be blessed with the ability to easily manifest your desires. Pile 3, your minds are incredibly powerful! In fact, you may be the type who has to stay mindful of your thoughts and words, as you have the power to easily speak things into existence. If you can see it in your mind’s eye, you can achieve it. (I’m hearing the lyrics to I Believe I Can Fly by R. K*lly, so maybe that song might resonate with some of you). The Magician is attributed to Mercury, and deals with communication, intellect and action, so some of you may find you are naturally drawn to careers that allow you to express your thoughts on paper or speak directly with others. You may be great at giving speeches or lectures, writing manuals and SOPs or anything that requires being good at both effective communication and teaching or motivating others. Many will see your success and look up to you in this lifetime, Pile 3. Just remember, what it meant for you will ever ever pass you by. You just have to be willing to go out there and get it.

Advice: High Priestess

Remember that all success and failure begins in the mind. You can manifest your conscious desires by harnessing the power of telepathy, clairvoyance, and intuitive communication to receive insight into your current situation. Here you are being advised to utilize your conscious mind to bring your creative ambitions to life and tap into your intuitive side to receive the answers you’re looking for, instead of manifesting from a place of fear or uncertainty.

Thanks for reading🔮✨

© 2023 stonedcoldfoxtarot. All rights reserved. Please do not copy, translate, edit or redistribute.

[sleepysamy]

Your current situation💗

THE PILES (Choose the pile which you feel the most attracted to. Feel free to choose more than 1 pile):

Pile 1

For those who have chosen pile 1, you guys have set a new foundation in your life . It could be that you have started with a new project, routine, business, or invested in something new to you . This necessarily does not have to be in physical aspects , it could also mean that you have started to work developing a better and healthy mindset for yourself, chose to do something fun . Whatever you have currently started or you are planning to start will surely take off after some time . I see that you had been planning to take this step for a long time but kept on procrastinating as if it was not the right time .If you have not done it yet, don't wait for long . You should start immediately! If you came to this reading to know if you are on the right path, then the answer is a big YES! KEEP FOLLOWING WHAT YOU HAVE IN YOUR MIND. This idea or plan of yours will surely come into fruition, and you will be blessed abundantly of what you expect the results to be . If you have been working on manifesting a certain thing currently , that thing will manifest in the 3d very soon. GO AHEAD PILE 1! YOU WILL HAVE AMAZING THINGS WORKING OUT IN YOUR FAVOR.

Note- The pile you chose had Amethyst as the crystal, which tells that you should trust your intuition rather than external validations . You should also take steps to improve your self-confidence. You also need to ground your energy well to reap benefits . Do lots of meditation to strengthen your third eye chakra . It will help you a lot in this period.

Song for you:

Channeled messages: Frisbee, Go-getter, Right now, Lovesick, Freelancing, Back to Pavillion, Nasty af , Eat fruits , Go gym , Join the art class.

Pile 2

Hi Pile 2s, Life has been going shitty these days, right? You might have recently gone through a breakup , I am sorry, but it can be the loss of a loved one , or perhaps you have not been satisfied with where you are currently in your life. You blaming yourself over things. Self criticizing over small things that happen in your daily life. You also might have to face a situation in the future, which is making you really, really nervous about how you are supposed to handle it . But let me tell you, sometimes it's only our mind, which makes a simple situation worsen just because of the negative and scary thoughts we get inside. And trust me, whatever you are scared of facing is not that tough. You are making it out to be . Let go of your negative self - limiting beliefs and have a positive outlook towards life. You might also be currently dealing with anxiety and stress due to upcoming deadlines, projects you need to finish( additional message I got ). You might have had conflicts with your family members, freinds, colleagues which is causing you to overthink about what you could've done better to improve the situation? How can you get back to the same pace again. The answer lies inside you , sorry, but the answer is not crying but to face this situation with courage and fearlessness. I know you can and you will do it . You have all its takes to get over this . This time shall pass very soon . Nothing ever stays constant. Time is always moving . YOU GOT THIS PILE 2!

Note- The crystal you chose is a Golden Sunstone .This means that you need a new positive approach to life . You might be struggling with a creative blockage because I think your sacral chakra's flow is blocked. This is the reason you may get stressed easily . You can check on guided meditations on YouTube to overcome this . You can also try on positive affirmations.

Channeled messages: Naina, Pearl, Hunt, Thirst, Lying, Easy-going, Eat out.

Pile 3

Hi Pile 3s , so you are currently experiencing a massive transformation in your life. You are transforming into a beautiful new being . It's not that you are changing yourself . But you are just returning to your most authentic and true self . You are starting to recognize your own power. You are evolving and growing like a butterfly . It is a stage of metamorphis in your life where you are the caterpillar who faces struggles and endured pain( physical or mental). You might have let people walk all over you in the past . You left those people. Now, you have begun to establish healthy boundaries and stand strong . It can also be for some people who were sick for a long period of time and know they are getting well ( I get anorexia). You could have also struggled with an identity crisis before, but know you are out of it. You might be going through a spiritual awakening right now. You are vulnerable right now , you have surrendered to the universe , and you've learned how to let go . You have also started to accept the darkest parts within yourself, which felt unsettling uncomfortable for you. You are not taking anyone's shit now. You are so done with everything that you realise it is of no use. You realised you were draining your energy and time with being around with those people who don't care about you. Just like a Phoenix who burns and raises from its ashes. You are in the in-between phase of figuring things out in your life where you are still trying to sort out things for yourself, but DONT WORRY THE UNIVERSE IS WATCHING OVER YOU . THEY GUIDE IN EVERY STEP THAT YOU TAKE. You will soon enter into a phase where you will welcome healthy connections, love, and opportunities . THIS PERIOD OF YOUR IS VERY CRUCIAL, AND YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION TO THE SIGNS ALL AROUND YOU.

Note- The crystal that you picked is a black tourmaline, which is for protection from negative energies ,bad luck, and grounding. You might want to consider rituals to protect your energy or meditate to protect your energy from your surroundings.

Song for you:

Channeled messages champagne, crossover road ,wet sweater, sympathy, Simon says , who cares, pain, will I pretty , I am your mother you listen to me

Pile 4

Similar to pile 2, but the energy of pile 2 was intense, Yours is much more light-hearted and fun-going. I feel like you have forgotten to enjoy your life . Your mind is so involved in a daily hustle that it has forgotten to take a chill pill, man. Like you really need to relax . You are just taking life too seriously . Have fun, come on, it's summer . You are in the energy of constant pushing and pushing. You have a constant need to excel in things, whether it's exhausting yourself completely to achieve it. Sometimes, you forget about your own well-being in order to complete a task ( WORKAHOLICS FRR🤦‍♀️). You need to let loose . Learn how to receive . You are too much in your masculine energy, right now? You need to let things flow. Forget about the future. See what's in front of you. Observe the nature, the birds, the trees, the people around you. OBSERVE THEM. TALK TO THEM . GO OUT SIS/BRO . PARTY . JUST RELAX AND YOULL SEE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU TURNS OUT IN YOUR FAVOR. I didn't get much for your pile because actually you shouldn't be here being so concerned over silly things about whether am I going right or not . Will this do or that do. Dude, just chill . Seriously, just take a deep breath . You need a break, sweety.

Note- Your pile had a yellow moonstone that soothes the aura and brings the best out in people. It also provides emotional and intuitive support. I feel you need to go a spa session to get facial , massage, or something. It will help you ease your energy. You need to take care of your skincare routine and do lots of self care. It will rejuvenate your energy.

Channeled messages: I didn't hear anything for your pile.

[veronika-tserber]

Your Natal Signature Sign 🖋️ PT.1

The Signature sign (also called "synthetic") is the synthesis of the most dominant element/s and modality/ies in the chart. Sometimes, the signs are two or even more. If someone has two signature signs, we can analyze their behavior as a combination of the two, but if there are more, the signature is "ambiguous", which means that their personality is multi-dimensional and hard to pin down.

The Signature sign is important because it is like the zodiac sign of the entire chart, and it shows us the qualities of expression that come most naturally to us. However, they are usually the most apparent to people from our closest circle. Often, people choose a career path that corresponds to their signature sign(s).

Here is an easy way to calculate yours - click.

If you have more than one - read about both. If the Signature is AMBIGUOUS, you are quite the enigma 🙈 Keep in mind that sometimes the Signature turns out to be your Sun sign or among your inner planets. In that case, it won't be such a hidden part of you. At other times, the sign is nowhere to be seen among your inner and even outer planets, which makes discovering it that much more interesting.

♈ Aries Signature You feel at your best when you can lead and inspire others. You are a spontaneous, child-like spirit, and you love a good challenge! Ideally, your work allows you to be independent, as you don't like people bossing you around. Your creativity and enthusiasm are amazing, but your fuse burns out quickly if there isn't enough variety, stimulation, and problem-solving to keep you invested.

♉ Taurus Signature You feel at your best when your needs for material stability and security are met. You dislike sudden changes, and you are best suited for projects and environments where you can slowly, but surely make progress over a longer period of time. You are a lover of all things beautiful and harmonious, as well as the sensual pleasures in life. People in your life see you as a stable and "chill" individual that they can always lean on for support.

♊ Gemini Signature You feel at your best when you can communicate and connect with others. You crave intellectual stimulation and variety in your environment, and your loved ones view you as someone talkative, funny, and witty. Ideally, your job allows you to express yourself freely, exchange ideas and information with others, and learn, learn, learn! ♋ Cancer Signature You feel at your best when you can nurture and be nurtured. Similarly to Taurus, you have a strong need for material, as well as emotional security. Your family is essential to you, and they know you as a sensitive, caring, and empathic person. Ideally, your career should make you feel emotionally invested and should allow your nurturing qualities to shine. This might be literal - such as caring for people and animals, or "nurturing" creative projects to fruition. ♌ Leo Signature You feel at your best when you can express yourself in a creative way. You have a youthful, bright personality, and you love to bring joy to people! Ideally, your work would allow you the freedom to shine, create, and be recognized for your talents and individuality. You are a leader who cares deeply about others, and they feel warm and protected under your guardianship. ♍ Virgo Signature You feel at your best when you can put your analytical and problem-solving skills to use. Your loved ones know you as a great "counselor" who is always there to give them practical advice and solutions. The ideal work environment for you is one where you feel like your sense of order, punctuality, and attention to detail are being appreciated. You also do particularly well in healing professions - both as a practitioner and as a teacher. 🌈 Ambiguous Signature

Now that’s quite interesting! Having an Ambiguous signature means that your personality is multi-dimensional and you have the freedom to explore different aspects of yourself. Though it may be challenging for some to understand you fully, your “chameleon-like” nature allows you to be whoever you want to be and not feel limited to one identity or way of expressing yourself. Embrace this unique trait of your being and celebrate your beautiful, colorful personality!

- Foxbörn

Part 2 ->

The Ask Box is open for specific questions, folks! 😊

ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ 1

ᴄʜᴀʀᴛ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢꜱ

ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴜʏ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴄᴏꜰꜰᴇᴇ?

[intuitivemoonbaby]

What do people admire about you?

Pile One

Pile Two

hi beautiful people, i’m back with another pick a card reading. this is a short reading, since i was in a hurry and i haven’t posted in forever.

remember, to pick the pile you most resonate with. ground yourself, take a few deep breaths and pick your pile. trust your intuition! don’t second guess yourself. please just take what resonates and leave the rest :) if pile(s) don’t resonate, then this reading may not be for you. now scroll for your reading.

Pile One

hi beautiful people!

if you chose this pile, people admire your courage and confidence. you’re not afraid to go after what you want! you believe your ideas and take action on them. people also seem to admire your beauty. you’re a bad bitch. you can manifest anything you want. you’re also always on to the next thing/busy with a new project or idea. you’re passionate about the ideas you bring into fruition. you also have a lot of knowledge/wisdom. hmm.. this could be your bf/gf/partner who sees you this way. fire (aries, leo, sagittarius)/earth (taurus, virgo, capricorn) placements are heavy in this reading.

Pile Two

hi lovelies <3

if you picked this pile, people admire your duality. you have 2 different sides of you: the cutthroat, no bullshit side & the empathetic, compassionate side. which one comes out depends on how people approach you & how they treat you. you seem to have a great balance over them though, knowing when to turn on either side. you may love to give to others, just because it makes you happy, people adore that. people admire that you can disappear and come back as a brand new person. you’re always working on yourself. you may be connected to your inner child… always happy & optimistic about life.

thank you so much! i hoped you enjoyed your reading :) until next time…

ɪɴᴛᴜɪᴛɪᴠᴇᴍᴏᴏɴʙᴀʙʏ☽

[odessa-2]

Listening to the interview I'm actually not sure why she went on the podcast. She didn't have anything interesting to say and I agree with you she came across as a very awkward and unsure. Even the anecdotes of things she did in her youth came across as self-conscious. And while this may seem like shade I don't mean it in that way, but I don't think she actually has that much ambition, I think she talks a lot about a lot of things but nothing ever comes to fruition or they're ended abruptly and never mentioned again: the Gin which has floundered for years (plenty of spirits/liquors have been released despite Brexit) the script she's been working on for 8 years, the book she commissioned to make into a movie, the book club that ended abruptly and is made to seem as if it didn't exist, never finding a small project to direct on her own etc.

I didn't see the point to this interview either. I don't get why Cait flew from London to partake in it. Odd. I agree that Cait exaggerates her ambitions and has exhibited some flakiness. Bookclub being the perfect example. She totally flaked out on that. She chose a book for her members to read then left them hanging without ever mentioning it again. Blaming Brexit on the her FMN Gin abandonment is ludicrous. She was floudering trying to explain her way out of that. I could hear get discomfort and kept saying "my husband" this and "husband thought it would be a good idea." Maybe she felt extra uncomfortable because the people on that table knew of her real circumstances and she felt the heat of shame.

[ivynivekgames]

Here's something Sorely Kneaded :3c (Sorely Kneaded Update Announcement)

Heads up, this is gonna be a MEATY post! (This is making up for all the time of I've been so quiet).

It has been… checks watch okay, over a year since the original [猫はかわいい (kitties are cute)] demo dropped, wowza! Well, I got a couple of things I wanna mention and talk about, and about the future of this project (ALL OF WHICH ARE IMPORTANT)! I've been pretty quiet on saying anything update-wise, but there's a good reason for that… But first, some context!

Now, when I started work on this, I wasn't sure about what direction to take this. I just kinda winged it and hoped for the best, but as I was writing up ideas and where to take the project in the background--the scope has been getting bigger... And the original ideas I had for the time being just weren't holding up. My ability as a writer has majorly improved throughout this (2024) year (I applied myself, tee-hee).

On top of becoming a better writer and getting a more concrete vision of where to take the game, a new musician has joined in helping with the game's soundtrack (an aspect I was woefully fearful of). Their music will be replacing the old (though there may be a track or two that will be kept from the previous composer, seeing as they're essentially... Perfect). The new sound is a lot more fitting in terms of atmosphere and energy.

Art wise, it is still handled by me, but some of the workload is being taken care of by some good, talented friends that are willing to help make this project come to fruition, they too, have been gaining a better understanding of the artstyle that fits the game best. On my end, I've been getting even better at utilising the hard work that has been handed to me and having it make the most impact.

All things considered, I've realised that with so much improvement on the side of production, the earlier parts of the game would have to reflect my new standard going forward (namely The Void and Emerland). The original story is ill-fitting and its concepts too derivative (and anything original is ill-explored) and tone is mixed.

Hence, I am happy to the Sorely Kneaded update. A total reimagining of the CatJam's vertical slice. With half a year of development already, Sorely Kneaded will aim to show my vision and standard quality for the project going forward.

This update is not an earth shattering or thoroughly exhausting endeavour in the sense of scope, rather, it's a showcase of something much closer to what the final game will be. In the update you'll find:

Remastered graphics of assets that were originally sub-par in quality.

New soundtrack and sound design, more fitting for the game's vibes and vision.

New content, more secrets, etc.

A much more balanced gameplay experience, with more interesting dungeons to navigate and more focus on narrative decisions (though the game will still only have one ending).

Greater focus on characters and their interactions, this is a character-driven game, after all. ;)

And finally, a much more fleshed out story and lore, completely abandoning the original "Hell" related plot. Frankly, even the original game barely attached itself to Christian canon, so I feel this was the right choice.

My goal with this project has always been to make a fun and genuine experience that comes from the heart. I have a vision and ideas I want to show to anyone that's interested, and I couldn't bear the idea that I'd somehow deliver it in a shoddy state.

I want to direct you all away from hell, and welcome all of you to the World of Mu, a place where magic flows like air and one only truly dies when their soul fades...

The update will drop when it's done, currently: The Void is in a near-complete state and Emerland will begin development shortly. I will make a follow-up announcement for when it's released, beyond that--hold tight!

Potential questions:

Q: How big will this update be? A: It will likely be bigger than the original demo, I project about 3~ish hours out of it on an average playthrough (the early parts are fairly story heavy).

Q: How will the new music fare compared to the original? A: The new music will be rad! Er... I mean, it's gonna be AWESOM- okay no. It will service the game's atmosphere and tone much better. You'll just have to like, listen, dude.

Q: How good will the new graphics be, compared to the original? A: It's nothing earth shattering, the art will merely be "spruced up" since I want the graphics to maintain a "soulful" look. I have a vision... Q: Any content being removed? A: Yes. As previously said, all the music will be getting replaced, along with the old sound effects. Story elements will be cut in favour of new ones. You may have liked some old concepts or ideas, but I promise that what's new will more than make up for that!

Q: Will the old [Kitties are Cute] save file work with Sorely Kneaded? A: 99% sure it will not (can never be too sure), disregarding that. I put so much effort into making this new stuff, you GOTTA play it, dude!

Q: What will happen to the old demo? A: It'll be left on the page, available for download. I think it's good to leave it archived as a way to show how far the project has come.

PS: The page will be update when the update is out.

Credits:

Director, Writer, Designer, Programmer: Ivy Nivek

Music and Sound Design: @witchscadence, Ivy Nivek

Art: Guck, Split, Spoop, Ivy Nivek

Want to make developing this easier? Throw me some change: https://ko-fi.com/ivynivek

[blazehedgehog]

ICYMI: My Sonic Frontiers Criticism/Essay Is Out Now

So here's the last four months of my life come to fruition: the longest piece of edited criticism I've ever put on my Youtube channel, clocking in at just over an hour. For those of you that may be new around here, I am pretty against making long videos. I don't know if I overthink things too much or what, but it's rare for me to have much tolerance for feature-length reviews of things. They can wear me out just watching them, and it definitely wears me out to make them.

But sometimes you just have a lot to say. And I didn't even necessarily say everything I could have said here; there were things I would have added if not for the looming deadline proposed by the video sponsor. That's not a complaint -- sometimes you need someone else to tell you "be done by this date or else." Limitations foster creativity and toiling away at perfection can sometimes be just as toxic as crunch.

What I was trying to say is it's a big video, and it was hard keeping everything straight in my head because there was so much. One of those times where I was glad how I planned things out in advance, because sometimes the thoughts you had four months ago are not the same thoughts you have today, and the thoughts from four months ago were better.

It's already proving to be a bit of a divisive video, given I am going against the grain here. But I'm a big boy. I've spent time on the front lines of these sorts of things before. I know how to handle myself. I mean, half the reason I started my tumblr back in the day was pointing out some of the truly deranged takes I'd get in the replies to my Sonic 06 video.

Though I do worry. I'm getting a lot of people who are... politely declining to tell me what they think. More than a few "I don't agree with you, but I'm glad you released this video" that then never elaborate further. And that makes me feel bad? But why? Do I want to argue with my friends? Not particularly.

But more to the point, are people afraid to argue with me? Do I get too aggressive? I've picked up on a vibe, not just from friends, where people seem to go out of their way to avoid arguments with and/or around me. I mean I literally just said I started my Tumblr blog as a "get a load of this guy in my comments" spotlight (which, for the record, I don't do anymore). I don't want to be scary. But is it scary, or is it a strength? Or am I just imagining the whole thing? History says it's probably that last one, but it doesn't stop me from wondering. It's a lot to chew on.

At the end of the day, I do think parts of this script could have been better. I do kind of get a little mean at a couple points in ways I could have written around. A lot of people are bristling at the opening spiel, where I get more than a little "you people" about the Game Awards voting situation. There's another part later in the video where I also feature actual comments from a previous video and as I was editing it together I thought, "this sounds mean." But given I was less than 24 hours away from that deadline, I just had to roll with it (so I at least blurred the names and cropped the avatars out).

I'll end this post by quoting what I wrote on Patreon day before yesterday for the early access version of this video:

What a march this has been. I've worked on some videos that felt like they took forever, but nothing like this. This felt like the project that would never end. Some of that's because, after pushing myself so hard on the Sonic Adventure 2 video, I tried to be a little more casual with this one. I think I started the script around the end of April, a couple weeks after finishing the game on-stream. The idea was to avoid burnout.  And then the script grew, and grew, and grew, to be the longest script I've ever written. After doing voice over, I had three hours of material I had to cut down. I captured more than 60 hours of gameplay from more than 50 games. Thank goodness I took the time to stop and "storyboard" out this review like I did with the SA2 video. It actually proved to be extremely valuable here -- with a video this long, that takes so long to put together, it's hard to keep all of your ideas hot and ready in your head. Often I'd fall back to the storyboard and realize I planned something months ago that was way better than what I was doing in the moment.  And then in July, a sponsor came calling again. Suddenly I had a real deadline. The last four weeks have been a race to move this mountain of material into something resembling the shape of a video. The last couple days in particular have felt something like a miracle. A work ethic I hadn't tapped into in years suddenly roared to life as I locked down 20+ minutes of video in a matter of hours. It may have involved several actual panic attacks and me running on about four hours of sleep, but here we are. I was revising the script all the way up until a week ago. In retrospect, the sponsor segment probably leans a little too much on SAGE content, but by the time I realized that the train was barreling down the tracks too fast to stop. Thoughts for next time, I guess.

Patrons get a PDF of the script I used, including an unfinished earlier draft I abandoned where I think I was actually even meaner about it, if you can believe it. They also get a PDF of what my "storyboarding" process looks like (which is all just text).

I'll probably toss up a post for all the art I made for this video, too.

[verdantcrimson]

Heaven and Earth / Discernment of Heaven and Earth - 3

(Unproofread)

Prev | Chapter List | Next

[At the same time, in Florence at Nobunaga-sensei’s invitation]

Nobunaga: ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ was originally a show that the old geezer— Ieyasu-sensei put together.

Nobunaga: That geezer, who was a college student at the time, came up with the idea while out drinking with a friend of his who would go on to work at a TV station. They worked together to build the project from the ground up and bring it to fruition.

Nobunaga: Seems like he underwent a lot of hardship when he started off.

Nobunaga: That’s only natural. If you say “Everyone, let’s learn history! It’ll be fun!”, you’re not exactly going to hear “Wow! That sounds so interesting!” in return.

Nobunaga: Regardless, it just so happened that there was a super idol at the time who was a history enthusiast, and by having him host the show they managed to get quite a bit of attention.

Nobunaga: And well, you know how the story goes, that’s how ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ became the long-running show that all history enthusiasts know about.

Nobunaga: What was once the idle talk of a couple of dreamers in a bar is now reality.

Souma: I apologize for interrupting you, however, erm, it is a bit difficult to concentrate on what is being said when one is having cosmetics applied to one’s face.

Souma: I am truly very sorry. However, I am not accustomed to women, and thus, feel uncomfortable when they touch me, even if it may be through makeup utensils.

Nobunaga: Ahah, that’s so idol-esque of you. You’ve got a pure image.

Nobunaga: Relax. I’m married, and I’m not so shameless as to lay a hand on a kid.

Souma: Um, truly? I did not come across such information while searching on the ‘intaanetto’ dictionary though…?

Nobunaga: Do you think everything in the world is written in a dictionary?

Nobunaga: It isn’t a properly registered marriage. That country is so fucking antiquated, there’s still a strong social opposition to ‘that sort of thing’.

Nobunaga: Hey, wanna see a pic? My partner is really cute, right? ♪

Souma: Ah… Is that the reason for which you were traveling overseas, Nobunaga-sensei?

Nobunaga: Nope, I do it because of my work and hobbies. Don’t you think it’s kind of old-fashioned to think that you have to put your own life aside in order to devote yourself to the person you marry?

Souma: Sorry, I myself am of the old-fashioned sort.

Nobunaga: That's a good thing though, isn’t it? Just because something is modern, doesn’t mean it’s all that great.

Nobunaga: Honestly, I personally just don’t care. I don’t give a fuck about what other people think of me.

Souma: I have yet to reach a stage of enlightenment where I am able to separate those two things.

Souma: Even someone like myself is concerned about the judgement of others… Which is why I find that having my makeup done in public is rather mortifying. 

Nobunaga: People don’t take much interest in other people. However—

Nobunaga: If I’m too mean to a young kid, I’ll be accused of power harassment, so I’ll let you off the hook for now. 

Nobunaga: Let me see. Mhm, mhm, looks good.

Souma: Forgive me for asking so many questions, but what was the purpose of doing this…?

Nobunaga: Obviously, appearances are important, right?

Nobunaga: I think the reason ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ started to decline in popularity is because it comes across as a show that’s difficult to get into.

Nobunaga: That’s why, first things first, we’ll revolutionize the visuals.

Nobunaga: Even if we kept the contents of the show as is, having cute young men holding the discussion is more appealing than listening to a bunch of old zombies overgrown with moss mumble and grumble, don’t you think?

Nobunaga: I think that quality is one of the strengths of idols like you guys. Ah, I don’t mean to mock you or imply that you’re just mannequins or anything like that though.

Nobunaga: I’m being completely honest. Appearances matter.

Souma: I see…… So then, should I take this to be your proposal for reforming ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’, Nobunaga-sensei?

Nobunaga: Yeah. It's a technique that you people are quite familiar with. Cramming the screen full of beautiful and lovable sorts of things.

Nobunaga: Worst comes to worst, anything will work as grounds for discussion. It could be history, the latest games, comics, or substanceless chatter, whatever is fine.

Nobunaga: But the fact is. If you want someone to listen to what you’re saying, you have to make them look at you first.

Nobunaga: That’s what makeup is for. So I’m going to turn that crusty old geezer that everyone calls ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ into a charming young man that’ll make everyone fall in love.

Nobunaga: I’ll change every single aspect of the show, including the title logo. It’ll be stylish.

Nobunaga: I’ll hire a bunch of talented and trendy makeup artists and designers to transform the show into something that young people will adore.

Nobunaga: It’ll be rock ’n’ roll, got it?

Souma: Hehe. It seems as though you would get along better with Oogami-dono than with me, Nobunaga-sensei.

Nobunaga: Mhm. I’m one of the ‘Three Sages’— As creepy as the title is, I was one of the last of the three to begin working on the show.

Nobunaga: It was like stepping into the cafeteria of an old age home, all worn out. The atmosphere of it all. Even though our society is aging, it’s an issue if the only people that can enjoy the show are old geezers and hags.

Nobunaga: Actually, no. I’ve always been jealous. In all the other shows, I saw that idols were farming, and cooking, doing all sorts of things.

Nobunaga: They brought to light things that people wouldn’t have been interested in otherwise.

Nobunaga: But there was no such light illuminating the subject of ‘History’, nothing for ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’.

Nobunaga: From the dimness of waning dusk, I looked on with envy, thinking to myself, “It’s just not fair”, “It must be nice for you, huh?”

Nobunaga: Back when the show started, that super idol made it shine. But by the time I got involved with the show, that light had already faded away.

Souma: Certainly, the original host of ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ continued to work up until he was quite aged, and from thereon, each consequent generation of hosts that followed have all been older gentlemen.

Nobunaga: Senile old geezers, y’know. That’s why they’ve had to keep replacing the host, because they’d all eventually get close to the end of their lives, and that’s why the show’s been suspended. It’s because the last host ended up dying.

Souma: Indeed. And thus, the task has befallen us.

Nobunaga: I think that right now is our chance. We’ll use the power of cute young men to our advantage, and while we’re at it, revamp everything to be new and more attractive—

Souma: Hm…… I heard this not directly, as I am not the one in charge of that particular person, however, It seems as though Hideyoshi-sensei expressed a similar sentiment.

Nobunaga: Hah? What’d that monkey¹ say?

Souma: Although his ‘appurouchi’ differs, he too, is attempting to boldly change ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’.

Souma: I still await a detailed report from Hasumi-dono, who is currently in charge of him, however, there is contemplation of adding a sort of storytelling aspect to ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’.

Nobunaga: Huff…… Aaah, so that’s how it is.

Nobunaga: I already know what I want to do though. That guy’s just in my way.

Nobunaga: Storytelling focus and visual focus just don’t mix well.

Nobunaga: Everyone’s tastes change by the minute, and if you keep spinning tales with the same characters, people will just get bored eventually, and then—

Nobunaga: Well, that’s fine by him, isn't it? All he cares about is short-term profits. But anyways…

Souma: Profits are of great importance. ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ has been running itself aground precisely because it is lacking in them.

Nobunaga: Whenever the concept of ‘profit’ becomes involved, things get messy fast. You work in the industry, so you’re probably well aware that things get tricky once the ‘sponsor’s demands’ come up.

Nobunaga: If you’re not careful, everything will just fall into pieces and disintegrate. 

Nobunaga: The person in charge of that playboy, Hasumi-kun, was it? Tell him to stay on guard. That monkey, he’s basically a con artist, so if you trust him, you’re gonna look like a huge idiot.

Souma: That will certainly not be an issue. Hasumi-dono has always been a personage of justice, who has been able to outwit and subdue even the slyest of old foxes².

Souma: As such, that Hasumi-dono will surely be able to steer adeptly without being deceived by Hideyoshi-sensei— I have faith in him.

Prev | Chapter List | Next

Translation Notes

Nobunaga-sensei refers to Hideyoshi-sensei as a 'monkey', similar to how the actual historical figure Toyotomi Hideyoshi was nicknamed 'Monkey' (猿), as jab at his unsightly appearance. Oda Nobunaga is known to have made fun of Toyotomi Hideyoshi's appearance, most notably calling him a 'bald rat' in a letter to his wife. The origins of this particular nickname are unknown, however.

Souma uses the 4 letter idiom 海千山千, which literally translates to "A thousand years in the ocean, A thousand years in the mountains". I chose the closest English equivalent, but it is used to refer to someone who is both crafty and experienced. This idiom finds it's origins in a legend that states that 'A snake who has lived 1000 years in the ocean and 1000 years in the mountains will turn into a dragon.' Seeing as dragons and snakes are notable reoccurring motifs for AKATSUKI, I thought it would be worth noting.

[practickles]

OMG Please, please, please! I NEED a Lee Rui fict! Maybe with Ler Toya or Kaito 😭💜 NO, NO, I GOT IT. LOOK, WELL, READ: You know the "Be the Music!" 2MV video right? Okay, I beg you, all the characters that are with Rui in the class, (Minori, An, Saki and Mizuki. Except the Kagamines <3) being lers. I BEG PLEASE. I don't have enough brain now to think about an argument/story so they can tickle Rui, but I beg (for third time JAJAJSJA).

----

"Punishment" Filled With Care

Fandom: Project Sekai

Lee: Rui Kamishiro

Lers: Mizuki Akiyama, An Shiraishi, Saki Tenma, Minori Hanasato

Ambiguous Passion Heart Class

Word Ct: 2.5k

Warnings: Tickles, gang tickles.

Summary: When Rui loses a competition, the rest of the Passion Heart Class fulfil their end of the bet and punish him accordingly.

I use both she/her and they/them pronouns for Mizuki here.

----

On occasion, Rui had a tendency to overestimate his own abilities. He'd never admit it of course, but it was a trait glaringly obvious to anyone who knew him. There was no doubt in the fact that he had incredible ability, dedication, and aptitude, but sometimes he could get in... a little over his own head. 

Be it the next great invention, the most daring new show, or the most thrilling stunt idea, Rui considered himself quite the creative visionary. He would do anything in his power to see a good idea come to fruition, as any worthwhile director should.

But now as he had quite literally been backed into a corner by Mizuki and An, with Minori and Saki eagerly awaiting on the floor close by, he found that just maybe people had a point when they said he could get overambitious. 

"Hey! Don't run away!" An chided with a smirk. "You agreed, remember? You lost. And the loser has to get tickled~" 

She had a point. Rui had, in fact, agreed. The five had participated in numerous games and sport events, tallying up individual wins and losses as they went. Rui’s fate had been sealed from the beginning when he so confidently suggested the punishment and then, despite his best effort, proceeded to fail miserably at just about every game. 

“Unless someone is too ticklish to take his own punishment.” Mizuki wiggled their nails at Rui, who squirmed and grew tense. “In which case this is going to be a looooong tickling for you~” 

Rui saw his only opportunity for escape. As Mizuki raised their arms to tease him, they freed up a small gap between themself and An. It was undoubtedly a desperate attempt and he wasn't even sure if he'd fit, but Rui had no other option. He took a deep breath and steeled himself before all but diving through the opening, knocking An to the side. 

Miraculously, it worked. He escaped. And while he may not be the best at games, out of the five, he was by far the fastest runner from the great advantage of his long legs and experience in evasion on foot. He grinned smugly as he ran towards the door. He couldn't believe it. He had a straight shot out of this mess. He was done, he was free, nothing could stop him now. 

That was until he took a particularly long stride, lost his balance, and went tumbling to the ground right next to Minori and Saki.

“Oh my gosh are you okay?!” Saki exclaimed, immediately jumping up and hurrying to Rui’s side, Minori close in tow. 

Mizuki let out a surprised yelp, and with An right behind, joined the two next to Rui. 

Maybe it was adrenaline, maybe it was his superior physical ability, (it was definitely the former) but Rui found he didn't feel any pain at all from the fall. The more pressing concern to him was the fact that he was now face down on the floor, well and completely surrounded by four people who, not a minute prior, wanted nothing more than to tickle him silly. 

“Rui?” An asked tentatively. “You good? Do you need anything? I think we have a first aid kit around here somewhere.” She glanced around the room for it but hesitated when Rui laid a hand atop hers in reassurance.

“No, no I'm okay. Don't worry about me, any of you. I feel just fine.” Rui assured, bending his arms and rolling his wrists to demonstrate. “Now if you’ll excuse me.” He began to clamber to his feet but didn’t even make it to his knees before being unceremoniously, yet still carefully, tackled back to the floor. 

“Not so fast!” Mizuki said. “We still need to make absolutely sure you're okay.” Those who knew them, which Rui did very well, could have picked up on the slight ingenuity and teasing lilt in their voice. Rui’s heart dropped at their next words as he realized exactly what was going on.

They adjusted him to lay his back on the floor and placed his legs so that they hung across their lap. “Yeah your arms seem fine but how about your legs? Can you move them?” They traced a steady finger back and forth across Rui’s calves, a silent warning of what was to come. “We might just need to check them to make sure.”

Rui began to let out a steady stream of panicked giggles. “Y-hes! Yes they can move just fine! Look!” He kicked out his legs to the best of his very limited ability. He sent a pleading glance to Mizuki to have even the slightest bit of mercy on him. “See! I’m okay! I can get up.”

“Well then, if they’re so healthy and strong-” An cut in, catching on to where Mizuki was going. “Then you won’t mind if we do this-” She fluttered her hand under his other knee, Mizuki giving her an encouraging look from her place across from her. 

Rui squeaked and shook his head rapidly, clamping his lips together. 

“Oh, you don’t mind? Perfect! Thank you!” An sent an insolent, flashy grin his way and continued her work on his knees. “Hey you two,” She nodded to acknowledge Minori and Saki. “We’ve got his legs covered, but do you think you could check his upper body and make sure he’s okay there too?” 

Saki smirked deviously and sat next to his head. “Yup! I’ve heard necks and armpits need to be checked especially well.” 

“Noho they don’t! They’re fine! I’m fine! Everything is fine!” 

“Perfect!” An said with a wide grin. “If you’re so fine, that means we can carry on with your punishment. You had us all so worried there for a second! I’m glad you’re feeling good enough for some tickles.”

The inventor tried to wiggle back and forth as a pitiful last ditch effort, but was promptly stopped by a restraining, but exceedingly gentle hand pushing on his abdomen. 

Minori spoke with a hint of nervousness in her tone, keeping her hand planted just above his navel and looking deeply into his eyes. “Are you sure this is okay? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Rui immediately flushed red. As much as he liked to pretend he was dreading his so-called “punishment”, maybe, just maybe, he had suggested it for a reason. He knew Minori was caring and selfless almost to a fault, meaning that if he said he wanted it to stop, she’d immediately oblige and call the others off with her. 

“W-well,” He stuttered. “Rules are rules, and I did agree to them. You’ve earned it.”

“Oooo, Minori, you got Rui so flustered he cares about rules now. Well done!” Mizuki reached over to her and enthusiastically offered a high five, which after a few failed attempts was returned with gusto. “Hey, you might wanna remember this, hall monitor~” She winked at An. 

Nobody missed the way Rui’s shoulders tensed at the teases, finally resigned to his fate. Four distinct coos rang throughout the room as an anticipatory grin overtook his features. 

“Aww,” Saki leaned down and blew a gentle breath across his ear. “Nervous? There's nothing to be scared of, you know.” She, without further ado, began to flutter her hands at his neck.

Already worked up from the teasing, there was no way Rui could even try to hold back the scrunching of his neck and the squeal that followed. 

Rui would consider himself well versed in the area of chain reactions, often being the cause of many himself. As a result, it was not much of a shock to the inventor that when Saki touched his neck and thus caused his incredibly dignified squeal, it served as a trigger to provoke the others too to descend their hands on their own assigned spots.

The key difference, however, between Rui’s invented chain reactions and the one he currently found himself involved in was that in the former, he liked to cause chemical explosions. In the latter, he himself was the very source of the explosion of laughter that left him at the sudden onslaught. 

The worst part of it all, he decided, was the complete inability to move. He was completely immobilized under four quick pairs of hands. Any attempt to kick his legs was met with a hand holding them in place and somehow even more intense scribbles at his knees and calves. If he tried to twist his body, he would be stopped by a pair of hands grabbing his sides to keep them still and squeezing them over and over. If he tried to push back or do really anything with his hands, his armpits would suddenly have an intruding hand very intent on visiting every inch of the skin. 

He cackled and writhed but with the small semblance of his mind he still had left, all he could feel was fondness for his friends. The friends who spent their day in playful competition with him. The friends so eager to give him his retribution but more so eager to rush to his side when they thought he might be hurt. The friends carefully analyzing every twitch and stir of his body language to ensure he was still comfortable.

Mizuki had always been the one who could break Rui out of his shell. It was as true in middle school as it was now. They knew exactly where and what he was sensitive to, well practiced from many days spent in playful arguments, both too prideful and stubborn to back down even when arguments devolved into fits of giggles turned cackles. She poked and pinched and scratched all over his leg until he physically couldn’t hold back even the smallest snicker anymore. Her muscle memory served her well as Rui fell further and further into his descent of joyful madness. Were Rui more aware of his surroundings, he may have heard smug words about just how weak he was to a few tiny tickles. Mizuki cared by knowing him. 

Minori looked a little shy, cautious, which was reflected in her tentative tickling too, Rui noted. Her fingers fluttered and danced delicately across his stomach, but never prodded or squeezed. She wasn’t rough or hard, merely light and coltish. She didn’t truly want to “punish” him, lacking the competitive streak the others shared but she more than made up for it with her surplus of determination to make him smile and laugh. Laugh he did as her touch caused the smallest giggles, a comforting contrast compared to the havoc of the other three. She cared for him by being soft with him.

Saki was giving it her all with a dazzling grin splitting her face. Her tickling was spontaneous but still carried an air of precision. His neck was subjected to a swarm of tickling fingers in a seemingly random pattern, but as it went on, Rui noticed Saki beginning to target the spots that made him squeal the loudest and scrunch in on himself the most. She seemed to be trying her hardest to get him to make the funniest reactions she could. Embarrassing, yes, but Rui couldn’t deny the soft warmth in his chest he felt at the realization that the entirety of her efforts were dedicated to making him as happy and as pleasantly overwhelmed as possible. Saki cared by being attentive and giving Rui exactly what he wanted. 

An was nothing if not energetic. Her good nature and enthusiastic attitude were infectious. Out of anyone there, she believed the most strongly in the concept that because Rui lost, that means he has to take his punishment. That did not, however, mean she wasn’t just as kind as everyone else. It was still vital to her that her squeezes vibrating deep into the muscles remained fun for everyone involved, especially Rui and she knew just how much fun he was having. How could she not with the pure mirth on Rui’s face? At one point, she had discovered a delightful little technique where she’d rapidly wiggle her fingers, suddenly pulling away and waiting anywhere from three to ten seconds before returning and repeating the process. This left Rui completely devoid of the ability to guess when her tickling would leave or return and making it hard to relax. An cared by keeping Rui lively and having fun. 

The four all had wildly different techniques and intentions but the one similarity between all of them was the same genuine smile adorning their faces and the love blossoming in their hearts, running through to their fingers just for Rui. He was so irrefutably cared for and Rui wasn’t sure whether that or the tickling was making him more giddy. 

Minori had taken to drawing shapes on his stomach, likely in an attempt to show a little sympathy. A star here, a heart there, a triangle somewhere in between. Simple, calming gestures. Rui was thankful for the slight reprieve. He liked trying to guess in his dazed state what the next shape would become. A simple game really but largely entertaining to both parties nonetheless.

Rui’s breaths were heavy and labored as he laughed himself what felt like half to death. He hardly noticed Saki’s gentle concerned voice telling the other three to begin to slow down and only realized what was going on when the mischievous hands on his body began to gradually slow little by little until they came to a complete halt.

“Wh-why d-did you stop?” Rui gasped out, cheeks beyond rosy and looking slightly disappointed. Beads of what may have either been sweat or tears of pure laughter ran down his flushed face. Despite what his raddled appearance may have suggested, he already missed the feeling of uncontrollable laughter. The constant stream of residual giggles still pouring from his lips was nothing compared to what he had just experienced. 

“You’re exhausted, Rui.” Mizuki giggled fondly. “You need a break.” She rubbed firmly across his leg, giving it the occasional reassuring squeeze. 

“Bu-” He barely managed to protest before his lips were met with Saki’s finger in a shushing motion.

“Nope! You, mister, are taking a break! We could get some snacks and all sit around and hang out together.” She pipped. “We care about you and we’re going to make sure you’re taken care of.” 

“Yeah, it’s important to cool down after exercise like that!” Minori added cheerfully.

An spared a final scribble to his kneecap before getting up and stretching her legs out. “You have as much fun as we did?” She smiled at his tired form still on the floor. 

“Mhmmm” Rui hummed, the fatigue quickly catching up to him as the energy and rush of emotions faded.

His confirmation of what they all already knew to be true granted every face in the room a smile soft with adoration for their worn out friend. 

They really did care about him. Maybe he should let himself lose more often. 

----

WOW. This took forever. No exaggeration; Months. I deeply apologize for that. Maybe as retribution, I'll put a ToyaRui fic on the to-do list, they've been eating my brain lately.

[sunkissedchldrecon]

⚠️ 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 ⚠️

this message keeps coming through and through with my deck recently. at first, i thought the message was just for me, but it's been so consistent (even within me doing totally seperate PACs) that i feel like it's a collective message for specific people of the public.

Signs this message may be for you:

venus in aries, saturn in sagittarius, heavy fire sign energy, pisces placements or heavy pisces/12H transits, sagittarius, heavy sagittarius/9H transits, new ideas, support, 5:43, 1:43, 11:11, midas touch

Shufflemancy: 

“Talkin’ Bout” by Saweetie, “Focus” by Ariana Grande, “Something About Him” by the School Gyrls, “Winter Things” by Ariana Grande, “Breaking Dawn” by The Boyz

“Get It Right” by Fantasia, “Satisfied” from Hamilton the Musical , “Triggered” by Jhene Aiko, “Pedi” by Baby Tate, “Best Part” by H.E.R

Cards: 

Seven of Coins, The Moon, Knight of Cups, The Hermit, The Magician, Ace of Coins, Four of Swords, Queen of Wands, King of Coins, King of Swords

Four of Wands, Six of Swords, Judgement, King of Coins, Four of Swords, Five of Cups, The Emperor, Ten of Wands (Rx), King of Swords

Reading: 

you likely have a project in the works. it may be a goal you’re working towards or a literal work project or something of the sort. you may feel as if the payout for all the work you’re doing is slow to come to fruition, and therefore you’re kind of slacking when it comes to how much work you’re putting in. you need to ask yourself: is this project worth what all i’m putting into it? is this really what you want to do? some enemies or hidden circumstances may keep you from trusting your intuition or following through with your original plans. if this project is something you truly want then GO FOR IT! go full out and put in all your effort. if you’re not putting in your all, are you even putting in at all? not really. 

from some of you, you’ve gone through this period of discovering yourself and your inner strength, and you may be surprised by what was discovered! i feel very happy for you, and you may feel those same emotions for yourself (which is deserved). the awakening you’ve gone through is exactly what you needed, and you were (are) supposed to take a lot from the discovery. the hope is that those gifts you discovered stay with you. 

despite your enemies’ presence, you should forge ahead and try to create relationships with others - specifically seeking out those who can help in your endeavors. think of people you can create a partnership with. who can you bring a business proposal to and get approval from? search for those people, but also remember to do some introspection. don’t think that you’re above any criticism whatsoever. be open to valid critiques! overall, have patience in this project and know that you can get whatever you want. you could be great at manifesting or come to this realization soon when it comes to business endeavors. your creativity and mind is so important to the workforce you’re thinking of, so don’t be afraid to share your ideas; that’s the only way to gain recognition, right? who can applaud you if no one knows what you’re thinking? once you gain inner faith, all your dreams will come true. 

while remembering to work hard and give your all when it comes to your actions, also remember to rest! work hard, play hard, rest hard! i feel like those who pick this pile may have more feminine energy or are stepping into said energy. this could go back to trusting your intuition more, becoming more creative, and also stepping into your self-confidence in an admirable, recognizable way - almost in a subtle way.

i feel like because of how hard you’ve been working, you may feel drained and less secure in yourself. it’s like you were on this high, but didn’t ever take time to rest and appreciate what all you were given when you were working so hard. it’s like part of this message is the warning and the other part is the outcome of not heeding it or receiving the message too late. you’re being told to step back and re-evaluate what all you’re doing. you need to use proper judgment to balance out your life between work and pleasure. you also need to be appreciative of what you’ve been given. your hard work is paid off, but it needs to be maintained in a safe, healthy way in order for you to keep going realistically. 

your boss or someone in power may see how much you’re struggling and wants to lift some of the burden off of you, but it’s also a matter of being realistic in the work force and knowing that your lack of work leads to someone else having to work harder. they may tell you to take a vacation or small breaks in between heavy work. alternatively, for some of you, someone is seeing your lack of enthusiasm and tiredness and feeding off of it. they may be trying to make you feel worse or point out your tiredness to your boss. they may be trying to keep you from getting a promotion.

the overarching theme of this reading is to tell you to work hard and trust in yourself while also remembering to rest and have confidence in yourself. you have the midas touch. anything you want is yours. you need to balance your priorities and utilize judgment to keep working in a realistic, healthy way that still allows you to achieve what you want. again, you have the midas touch, but you need to hone in how you use it.

[dentwy]

number 5: undertale yellow

god i fucking love this game. i love undertale, it's one of my favorite games if not my favorite game of all time. this comes as no surprise to anyone that knows me already, but it had to be said. so, while i haven't been actively waiting for undertale yellow, it absolutely was one of those things i remembered to check every couple of years.

to this day i still remember all the undertale alternate universe comics i read and all the comic dubs i watched (which may or may not have had an impact in my entire career choice). the idea of a full on game based on an au has always been an ideal scenario, a dream even; so to see this finally come to fruition is akin to seeing a dream come true. to see these people, some of which have been working on this project since they were 14 years old, is highly inspiring, and the sheer passion and dedication put behind it is nothing short of incredible.

undertale yellow isn't as much of a "what if?" scenario, as it is the undertale prequel we never got, except it’s made by fans. it feels canon, yet it’s not. throughout its entirety you need to remind yourself, "wait, right, this is a fan game" and it's not something many pieces of fan media can accomplish. we know undertale already, know its canon, characters, world, systems. how do we improve this? well, we can expand the world, add new characters, give a spin on the things we know, improve the systems, create more battle scenarios, etc. and etc. that or, you know, play deltarune i suppose.

i adore deltarune, do not misunderstand anything i'm about to say, but in its current state it's completely unclear on what it even is. it's made by toby fox, it shares characters and a lot of similar aspects, but it's not quite a sequel, is it? as of now deltarune feels like a fan au made game. i love this aspect of the game too, not everything needs a sequel to continue, specially when you've already made such an interesting world you can use. which is where tracking steps back and going into a prequel makes the most sense.

in all the years me thinking about undertale and reading up on theories i never actually thought about the timeline of events. 6 humans fell down, now they need a 7th soul. how long ago have these monsters even been trapped in the underground? what are the humans even doing right now? how big is the underground even? it's not that undertale yellow answers these questions, and frankly it doesn’t need to, but it stirs them up in a really interesting way i haven’t thought of before.

you play as clover, the 6th human soul. yellow. already giving a name and motive to the human may seem weird for undertale standards, but i believe it's one of the game's strongest points. you can distance yourself from clover. he's not you. sure, you control the guy, though not all the time. he has his things to say, he moves around on his own and has his own thoughts. he's way less of a vessel than frisk is. while distancing yourself may sound like a negative, the issue at hand is that we know for a fact clover died in some way or another. you can't exactly change the canon, what you can choose is the path you will take for this to happen.

for most undertale fans, going pacifist is the way, as i did for my first run. i certainly remember watching the demo for yellow back in the day, however it's been so long it might as well be a dream i had once. what did forever stick with me was dalv's battle theme, forlorn. at the time, probably my favorite fan song. ironically, dalv ends up being arguably the most irrelevant character in the game, and his song, probably not the best, although still good. i like dalv though. the new ruins definitely have an older feeling to them, they are the one part of the game that's been around the longest and still works well enough as undertale's ruins did. compared to toriel, a nice and warm character that wants you to avoid battle, dalv is the cold and antisocial guy that wants you gone. he's been wronged, he has his hopes but it's hard to stay positive when your worries are always crawling on your back. i kind of wish he had a more active role in the story, but i digress.

snowdin is where things take a turn. we already know snowdin, but we're in new grounds. it's good to know that there's more to the underground than just the 5 places we see in undertale. each area has so much more to explore, of which we (supposedly) don't really get to see in undertale. there's no sans and papyrus here (they probably wouldn't have been around by that time anyway i assume), no grillby's, no librarby. instead, we get martlet, a new royal guard recruit. martlet works well as both the papyrus and sans of this game (more on that later). she's lovable, she's clumsy, but she's determined. i would say she's something of a coward, but she knows she needs to stand up for others when it's necessary. her naiveté works against her in this regard, though, putting her entire trust in anyone and everything, going as far as to help you get back home. still, snowdin is a wonderful place to walk around. the music is beautiful, the slight hue change is a really nice tone and getting to see a different side of the place we already know is generally great to do.

the dunes are a nice change of pace. not sure how going from the snow to a desert works in the underground, but it fits the cowboy hat, so it was a must. the dunes is where the game starts to show its strength. for starters, i absolutely adore the battle theme shifts for every zone, the dunes being my favorite one. it adds so much character to the encounters, along all the creative bullet patterns, character designs and animations. which is perfectly exemplified with the feisty four (the j is silent). they are as pure of a version of toby fox's comedy as you can get. the entire "training" process is the goofiest thing imaginable, they're really likeable (my favorite was moray if you care to know) and go to show that monsters don't want anything more than to be happy. starlo, or north star, is a great character. here we have a clumsy, delusional farmer wanting to play cowboy for everyone to enjoy. he shows off as upbeat and confident, although clouded through his way of treating life as a game. he eventually learns people care about him for who he is, and that he doesn't need to do everything for the rest, showing off another, kinder, side of him. by the way, his fight with the soul being tied by the lasso is genius work.

here is also where ceroba gets introduced, the kitsune that has more to show than it would initially seem. his husband is apparently dead and his daughter in serious condition. you travel with her through steamworks learn about her, her husband and a bit of the conditions of the underground. while i'm gonna be avoiding questioning the idea of corporations in the underground, other robots besides mettaton being designed for different tasks and, specifically, dealing with humans, is great. i don't have a lot to say about steamworks besides the fact the really aggressive vending machine is extremely funny to me.

now ceroba’s backstory is really cool and it brings up something i wanna talk about in detail about the game. ceroba, and chujin (her husband) for that matter, are the monsters in this game that are the most judgemental about humans. while she still comes around and understands that not all humans may be inherently bad, such is your case in the pacifist, it still is her duty to get your soul. monsters aren't that different from humans, that's what undertale has already established. yet, the question we're not asking is: how different are humans from monsters? she's not wrong. clover may be the best human you'll ever meet, but you can't know for sure what will happen in the surface. undertale's pacifist ending seems to imply everyone is happy in the surface, as it is what everyone has been wanting for years. but what if it's not the case? monsters need to find ways to survive. they need to do whatever they can for those they care about. boss monsters do not age, unless they have offspring. how can they make sure their children are safe once they're gone? she comes from a place of desperation. she's done something terrible that can't be fixed, getting your soul is the only way. while it's nice to be positive and hope for the best, you can never be sure. kind of makes me wonder why the monsters even want to leave the underground considering they have everything they need there, but still.

this can be solved in one of two ways, killing ceroba or sparing her. sparing her gives you one of the craziest most satisfying endings i've seen all year. you know, humans can be nice. not everyone lives just to spite monsters, a lot of them may not have even been around back when monsters got sealed. we know for a fact clover will die, there is no way to go back home. instead, he decides to do the ultimate sacrifice, and offers his soul for the monsters to keep until the next and final human falls down. otherwise, the other option is to stop her suffering once for all. hope can't fix your mistakes, right? which gives us a piece of dialogue i really liked:

once that is done, you go up to asgore and get killed by him. at least you go out with respect i suppose.

bringing us back to the start, time to kill everyone. i will always find the no mercy runs really interesting. undertale brought a sense of morbid curiosity that made you reflect on your actions. at the end of it all, it is just a game, but it's a game that means something to you. why are you killing the characters you love? can you really go back to normal after what you've done? deltarune is on completely different levels of fucked, going as far as to gaslight someone else to do the dirty work for you. yellow definitely pulls back on the "shame on you" part of undertale, as we're still talking about clover being the one doing this, not necessarily you. it even goes as far as to have clover be the one that decides on his own a lot of the times. can't argue it doesn't feel bad though, the monsters in yellow are all really nice and friendly. in the eyes of a human, why would one care about the monsters that killed all those poor children? it does definitely turn into something much more sinister however. going around in circles killing as many monsters as you can will always be messed up in undertale, unlike most other rpgs. the music shifting down as you go is always cool, alike the original game. the x showing up on new encounters when there's no one else is a nice extra detail.

martlet shows that she still has hope for even those who seem dangerous. others never stop to consider they "why" after all, right? her escaping away may seem cowardish, but i feel it can be more than that. she does genuinely have hope for you, but she still has a backup plan. she knows she's not strong enough to defeat you, she's a bit of a failure of a royal guard, even self-described as not being good at fighting. although maybe too late, she will make sure her actions are just.

as a side note, someone i haven't mentioned is mo, everyone’s favorite entrepreneur. he's funny, what can you say. there is a shift i found extremely interesting from seeing him in the pacifist route to the no mercy run. initially he seems as a clumsy yet passionate guy trying his damn hardest to get off the streets. it means a lot to him that you support his endeavors. when you're killing everyone though? his character doesn't really change, it's the perspective that does. now you get a guy pretty much willingly giving a serial killer what he needs to continue his rampage. now he's not a passionate rascal, but a scumbag narcissist. just something i found interesting.

in the dunes we also have el bailador which i liked as a character, i only hated how his theme restarts for every attack and it sounds pretty bad. this time, simply ignore his rhythm game! fuck you bitch! it fits works excellently for a no mercy route and i dig it. later, ceroba comes back as a boss, right after shooting down north star before you were even supposed to draw your gun (unless you do wait, which at least makes him die with a little bit more pride). her patterns end up being way more touhou-esque than before, really fun fight, even if tough. the yellow soul shooting as it did in undertale is cool and all, but the dash is a really great addition. even if she's supposed to be the undyne equivalent for this game's route, she ends up working as sans with the pattern order and health depletion similar to his karmic retribution. really nice stuff.

steamworks, again, not a lot to say. the roles reversing between axis and yourself throughout the entire section is sublime. you do the chase now, you are the one attacking while he defends, you are the killer robot. another standout moment was the gardener not leaving to fight. found that curious. i definitely drank the poison just to see what would happen (what did you think would happen?).

at this point in the run, i seemingly fucked up and didn't kill all the robots. whoops! you get a letter from martlet asking you to come talk to her, and there she tells you to come back with her and live peacefully. arguably weird in a genocide run. could clover suddenly be forgiven after all that? i guess martlet's just really nice. either way, this is the neutral ending. the craziest of them all.

right! flowey is here. my best friend. he's always had an undeniable presence in undertale, but having him actively help you out and follow you around (instead of stalking you like in ut) puts him in a different perspective. it's nice to see different sides of flowey, even though he may always be hiding his true intentions, and will probably betray you in the end. just like he's doing here, same as he did with asgore. he's a being of constant suffering, he lives for his own sake and uses others for his benefit, not for many reasons besides him having nothing better to do. in many ways, a reflection of the player.

the new omega flowey fight is indescribable. just go play that yourself, or watch it, i guess. an excellent rendition of your best friend / your worst nightmare that may be a bit corny when we're talking about "creepy undertale fan made songs" but works perfectly in the context of the fight. that motherfucker is just creepy. it gives off the exact same feeling the original omega flowey fight did, and i applaud them for that. the style shifts and back and forth between fight and escape. impeccable.

getting back on track and actually finishing the no mercy route. martlet appears, giving us the hardest fight in the game. by now, there's no going back. you've decided this is how you want things to go down, so she has no other option. she may be late, but she will do all she can. she will be the one doing the final judgement. she’s just fucked up. learning the dash is a must for this boss. the visuals are awesome the music is great and the bullets are really creative. i'm not sure if martlet being unpredictable with the order of her attacks is what makes her seem harder than sans, or the fact i've fought sans so many times its second nature by now makes her seem way harder. she's still up there in terms of difficulty though. being divided in two phases definitely made it more complicated though, as i’m running out of items by the end of the first one and end up with barely anything for the second one. the update adding a healing action helped a lot.

up to this point it could be argued the genocide path may be the most canon of them all. none of the monsters we meet are in undertale. all of these events are never mentioned. they're almost part of completely different worlds at times. yet, we go up against asgore and he gets completely wiped. clover gets the monster boss soul and leaves. maybe not the most impactful of the endings, but why would it be? if the goal was to kill and get out, that's what you got. pointless? not sure, that's what you decided to do.

seeing the last corridor again definitely sends shivers down my spine.

more or less, that's how i experienced undertale yellow. yellow is not the color of justice, it's the color of judgement. flowey mentioned that on his fight and i think it puts this game into words. "justice is determined by the winner" or so they say. it's not justice that ends up determining what you feel is right or wrong, but your own judgement. judgement on your actions and judgement over others.

i don't like saying "this is a love letter to x" but, yeah. undertale means a lot to me and it's no wonder yellow ended up being what it is. it knows what undertale is while following its principles and understanding it fully. i could only wish my projects are as resonant with people as undertale and, in turn, undertale yellow are. please, fans, show your passion for the things you love*. you may end up doing an undertale yellow.

*(just don't be a nintendo fan)

[studypoetry]

The pixilation from re-downloading this picture I took makes it look more like a painting

To move on as if I totally didn't abandon this blog for three months, I'll give a swift update:

Submitted last assignments. Slept for weeks. Deleted social media (more on that later). Watched a lot of films...

... And now things are just starting to pick up again with arbitrary, here-and-there meetings and events. So I intend to get back on my game.

This is done, of course, by using the ancient wisdom of Cal Newport. I dug through his old Study Hacks blog seeking advice for college students (as now he mainly talks about careers), and found what he calls the 3x3 method.

In short, this involves focusing on three big projects for each of the three months of summer (June, July, August). Whilst I approach the aptly timed existential crisis that is my birthday (mid-July, especially entering my 20s D:), it's the opportune time for some re-thinking and renewing in this not-quite-on, not-quite-off period between now and September.

As we're already 10 days into June, I thought it best to blog about as soon as possible rather than at the end of August where I would probably over-exaggerate my success.

So far I've chosen two things to work on in June, one habit and one actual project:

Promoting healthier sleep by: reducing screen time before bed; keeping my phone away from my bed (very important); and trying to get 8hrs of sleep between respectable times. (This may seem like the regime of a child with controlling parents but it's literally baby steps for me to fix this right now).

Organise and run a prison creative art exhibition. This one has been in the works for some time now but will finally come to fruition at the end of the month. I just have to keep playing my part in the planning and be on hand to deliver a good show when we launch :)

I have no ideas for a third thing for June (unless you count trying to stay as informed as possible for the upcoming UK elections), but I'd rather focus on doing two things really well than three not done at all. Hopefully it's the solution to feeling you have nothing to do during summer, and consequently ending up having nothing to show for it come September.

As always, Days of Deep Work has been chuntering away in the background, although I'm starting to think I'm just documenting when I've had to do something rather than chosen to, which defeats the point of deep work. Regardless, it's a good record of my activities for the sake of this blog (I'll try to do it more consciously in future):

Recent highlights from 100dodw #43-#54

Reflective log assignment submission

Society socials

Course rep interview (got position renewed!)

VLE welcome space moderation

Prison resources and art exhibition planning

BPS textbook student review

[marlasomething]

I Always Told You What I Did For A Living (Breagan Week - May 24)

Summary: in which an idea of Brett has terrible consequences and Reagan has to be the one to deal with them.

Relationships: Brett/Reagan

A/N: Written for day 4 of @breaganweekbabeee

Prompt: Torn dress + Dry blood

Word count: 972

CW: murder, alcoholism, problematic aspects of relationships, death of multiple characters, discussions about violence

Also on AO3!

It shouldn’t have ended this way. Nay, that was being too generous: it shouldn’t have begun to begin with. Still, there was no going back.

Deep inside, Reagan had known what she was doing, after kicking out her dad for who knows which time already, but somehow realising this time was going to be different; this time, he wasn’t coming back. She simply hadn’t expected it to be so drastic, so immediate.

So fucking stupid! A regular car accident? And all not because he had been drunk, but just too angry in the moment to PAY ATTENTION TO A CAR DOUBLING SPEED LIMIT?!

She shouldn’t have let Brett stay with her that night, even if they had just slept that first day: she knew she wouldn’t be able to let go of that comfort. She had let go of too many nice things already.

At the beginning, it had been fantastic. No, not fantastic; beyond words . Somehow, their relationship had been inspiring enough for Dolphman to get into a relationship with some former brother-in-arms that had also being summited to bizarre Doctor-Moreau-worthy-experimentations (though he kept insisting he was “ straight with one exception, not like all those good-for-nothing leftist hippies ”, but you cannot ask for too much of some people). Then, Brett did that thing he always did with everyone, all the time: he showed interest in a project she was developing.

Only that, this time, it was a side project she herself was taking as something that was likely to never come to fruition…but that obsessed Brett: a water provider that inhibited all violent instincts in people.

So, he insisted, and insisted…and they eventually tested it. First in just a town, then national-wide, then worldwide. And it fucking worked….for a while, because neither of them (nor anybody else) thought about the potential consequences of having no violent instincts.

The issue was the very same you could have expected if you made people lose their sense of fear: when a situation where being scared is useful appears, they have no tools to know they should run. Here, the trouble was that, if you wished to do harm, you didn’t detect when you were actually doing something unhinged, being almost numb to the harm you were executing…until it was far too late for it to stop.

Cutting down the water supply was easy, but some people had been more receptive than others, and the effects took a while to disappear. And, in some cases, they didn’t.

Still, those people weren’t the worse outcome. That would have been the people who, almost as a withdraw effect, became next to feral as the special water wore out.

One of those people was Brett.

Reagan’s mother’s body lied, lifeless, in the middle of their house. Even if the last months filled of guilt, lack of sleep and trials to find a way out of the issue he had unwillingly created had made Brett thinner and less energetic than he usually was, he was still much more physically powerful than his current mother-in-law. The body he left was not a pretty one to be looked at and, in the middle of her shock, Reagan could only think about how that would have been what would have pissed her mother more.

She kneeled next to Brett. Apparently, this ordeal had been enough for him to go back to normal, and know he was cradling himself while still wearing the nightgown Reagan liked to call sleeping-dress (to what Brett usually answered: “ I wish ”), sobbing so violently Reagan feared for his rib cage.

She should hate him; this had been all his idea. She had felt something was off, something was going to go south from minute one, and had told him. And he had just thought she was being too pessimistic and those fucking puppy eyes…she usually didn’t like puppies much, but with Brett she could do an exception.

She had made too many exceptions with him…and, as she was readying her gun to end the life of the man, as she should…she realised she couldn’t. Nor erase his memory: she wanted to keep him, and she would keep him, even if it wasn’t good for either of them.

She sat next to him, thinking about how this was all also her fault: both her parents had died because she had not foreseen the consequences of her acts clearly enough.

“I am sorry” she couldn’t tell who of them had spoken, but she put her head in his shoulder and just began crying almost as strongly as him. Up to the point they had begun a completely inappropriate and anticlimactic weeping-strength competition.

Then, she stood up, looked at Brett’s torn nightgown; the blood of her mom scattered all over the floor and frowned.

“Her blood is already dry, but I think I can still collect it and turned it into yours so we can sell that she was the one that went…” she shut up; she would rather cut her tongue that pronounced the words that would absolute massacre Brett right now.

Then, she began to work and, before she could even tell, Brett was helping while insisting this was far too much for her to do and giving tips of how to better clean the room up in a casual way (so it wouldn’t be too suspicious).

Reagan allowed herself to smile; how could she have thought about taking him out of her life? Never.

Even if she knew she was going to have to drink to prevent her guilt from completely consuming her…she could convince him to join her; they could made each other functional in their drinking, that would be nice.

After all, their kid was already two; it wasn’t something they couldn’t handle with a little needed handicap.

[iviarellereads]

The Great Hunt, Chapter 22 - Watchers

(THIS PROJECT IS SPOILER FREE! No spoilers past the chapter you click on. Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Wheel of Time, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

(Dagger icon) In which it becomes easy to point at a narrative parallel.

PERSPECTIVE: Nothing is happening as Moiraine expects it to.(1) She's in a room full of scrolls and papers and books, in a small house in a small town in Arafel, owned by two retired Aes Sedai. Adeleas and Vandene have been in voluntary retreat for so long that few at the Tower even remember they're still alive.

Out of nowhere, she asks Lan if he remembers how they met. She only just catches his eyebrow twitch, just once, with surprise. Almost twenty years ago she told him she would never speak of it again, and expected the same of him.

“I remember,” was all he said. “And still no apology, I suppose? You threw me into a pond.” She did not smile, though she could feel amusement at it, now. “Every stitch I had was soaked, and in what you Bordermen call new spring.(2) I nearly froze.” “I recall I built a fire, too, and hung blankets so you could warm yourself in privacy.” He poked at the burning logs and returned the firetool to its hook. Even summer nights were cool in the Borderlands. “I also recall that while I slept that night, you dumped half the pond on me. It would have saved a great deal of shivering on both our parts if you had simply told me you were Aes Sedai rather than demonstrating it. Rather than trying to separate me from my sword. Not a good way to introduce yourself to a Borderman, even for a young woman.”

They reminisce about how Moiraine tormented Lan on their first adventure, until Lan asks why the nostalgia. Moiraine says that she made arrangements so that, if she dies, his bond as Warder will pass to another Aes Sedai, and he will feel compelled to seek her out immediately. She doesn't want him to be surprised by it.

Lan gets angry. Moiraine has never used his bond to compel him to anything. Moiraine says that if she hadn't done this, he would be free after her death, and she can't let him go take up his useless quest for revenge in the Blight when he could fight the same war more effectively elsewhere. She can't be sure that she'll die soon, obviously, but with her plans coming to fruition like this... who can say what will happen now, at any time? Lan asks who the other Aes Sedai is, and Mo names Myrelle, a Green. She already has three Warders, so she should be well able to keep Lan in line. But Mo has made Myrelle promise that if someone who suits him better comes along,(3) that Myrelle will pass his bond on to her. Lan is outraged. No Aes Sedai has passed a bond to another in four hundred years, and she intends to do it to Lan, twice?! Mo says it is done, and she will not undo it.(4)

When Lan asks if Mo knows who might get his bond in the end of this game of musical Aes Sedai, Mo dances around the answer and simply says whoever it is, she’ll have need of a man with his knowledge and strength and willingness to throw her in a pond when she’s wrong. Lan shows uncharacteristic shock, but before he can ask who, Mo asks if the bond chafes, now.(5)

“The Light blind me, if I am to be passed from hand to hand, do you at least have some idea in whose hand I will end?” “What I do is for your own good, and perhaps it may be for another’s, as well. It may be that Myrelle will find a slip of a girl just raised to sisterhood—was that not what you said?—who needs a Warder hardened in battle and wise in the ways of the world, a slip of a girl who may need someone who will throw her into a pond. You have much to offer, Lan, and to see it wasted in an unmarked grave, or left to the ravens, when it could go to a woman who needs it would be worse than the sin of which the Whitecloaks prate. Yes, I think she will have need of you.” Lan’s eyes widened slightly; for him it was the same as another man gasping in shocked surmise. She had seldom seen him so off balance. He opened his mouth twice before he spoke. “And who do you have in mind for this—” She cut him off. “Are you sure the bond does not chafe, Lan Gaidin? Do you realize for the first time, only now, the strength of that bond, the depth of it? You could end with some budding White, all logic and no heart, or with a young Brown who sees you as nothing more than a pair of hands to carry her books and sketches. I can hand you where I will, like a parcel—or a lapdog—and you can do no more than go. Are you sure it does not chafe?”

Lan asks if this has been a test of his loyalty to Mo, and she says no, none of this was a test, but at Fal Dara, she did begin to wonder if he was wholly with her. He looks wary, but before he can react much, she asks why he taught Rand as he did, on the way to the Amyrlin's meeting? He just says it seemed right, and he'd have to be a lord someday, better to make sure his first impressions on certain important people are in the right direction. Like a wolfhound meeting a wolf, it must act like a wolfhound, not a puppy, or it will get itself killed. Is that what he sees Aes Sedai as? Wolves? No, he clarifies, but the ta'veren pull at everything around them. It felt like the right thing to do. He hasn't asked to be released from his bond, nor will he, and he will take great pleasure in keeping her alive and making sure her backup plans are for nothing.

She asks him to leave her to think alone. She thinks of Nynaeve, cracking Lan's walls and seeding them with vines to tear them down, but he still thinks they're strong as anything. Mo feels an uncharacteristic stab of jealousy.(6) They've been through so much together, and Lan had always said he was wedded to death, pushing himself beyond normal human limits because he valued her life above his own. Now a new bride has captured his heart, and he doesn't even see it yet.

But, as she gets to her feet to keep poring over her scrolls and books, she reminds herself there are more important matters. So many hints, and no answers. Soon Vandene brings her a cup of tea and asks what she's seeking. Mo says honestly that she doesn't really know. Vandene notes the wide array of subjects Mo has books on, then says she’ll leave her to her reading in privacy.

Mo stops her, and tries to find questions that won't give away too much of her own knowledge. Is there a connection between the Dragon and the Horn? No, except that the Horn must be found before the Last Battle, which the Dragon will fight. Does anything link the Dragon to Toman Head? Yes and no. There's a verse in the original prophecies that reads ‘Five ride forth, and four return. Above the watchers shall he proclaim himself, bannered cross the sky in fire. . . .’ though there's some debate about the word that so often gets translated to simply "watchers", it's still unclear.(7)

Vandene has heard about a supposed Dragon named Mazrim Taim, who can channel. Mo says offhandedly that she doesn't think they'll have to worry about him, then asks about Shadar Logoth. Vandene thinks she's still talking about Dragons, but Mo clarifies: is there any reason a Fade would take something that came from Shadar Logoth? No. What does Vandene know of the Forsaken? She comments on how Mo leaps from subject to subject, but she knows little more than any novice. Does Mo know something about the Dragon? Has he already been Reborn?

Mo asks if she would be here instead of in the White Tower if she knew anything, which Vandene accepts. She goes on about some of the dilemma about how Aes Sedai can't gentle the true Dragon lest he fail in the Last Battle, but says the signs of Tarmon Gai'don are clear. Mo says simply that he will come, and do what must be done.

Vandene gets up to excuse herself, but says that Mo should "do something" about Lan, he's got something pent up inside. Maybe he's finally come to see her as a woman? Mo says Lan sees her for exactly what she is, and hopefully still a friend. Vandene comments that Blue Ajah are “Always so ready to save the world that you lose yourselves.” After Vandene leaves, Mo goes down to the garden in the moonlight to think. Something Vandene said tugs at her memory, like it's relevant.(8)

Lan and Jaem, Vandene's Warder, take down the Draghkar. Lan says if Mo hadn't made him so angry, he wouldn't have gone around the corner from the gardens to practice the forms with Jaem, and they wouldn't... Mo says the Pattern accounts for everything.(9)

Adeleas demands to know how the thing could have snuck up on them, and Mo says it was warded. Adeleas cuts herself off as she realizes only another Aes Sedai could do that. Mo names the Black Ajah. But then, WHY did it come here?

Instead of answering,(10) Mo says she and Lan must leave immediately. She'll leave letters for them to forward to the White Tower, if they can?

Adeleas nodded absently, her attention still on the thing on the ground. “And will you find your answers where you are going?” Vandene asked. “I may already have found one I did not know I sought. I only hope I am not too late. I will need pen and parchment.” She drew Vandene toward the house, leaving Adeleas to deal with the Draghkar.

=====

(1) So, here's a fun phenomenon: especially when we're switching POVs so much, take a step back every now and again and ask yourself, why are these two storylines back to back? In this case, it's said right in the text, but other times it'll be less obvious. Consider: flipping between Rand and Egwene and Perrin's POVs as they all have to learn how to embrace their abilities and be part of a bigger community and a bigger apparatus than their individual lives so far. RJ did a LOT of really intentional compare-and-contrasts back to back like that. I like to think having Moiraine say the same thing Rand just did at the end of the other chapter is his way of drawing attention to that, as we start really going all-in on "hey the story isn't just about this one guy". (2) Such a cheeky reference to what would a few years later become the title of the only prequel novel that ever ended up written. (3) And just whomst might come along and turn Lan's head, be worthy of his bond, his oath, his loyalty, his heart? (4) So, the whole concept of passing the bond to another Aes Sedai without the Warder's permission or knowledge is pretty fucked up, and I 100% cannot blame Lan for being angry. We don't know anything about Myrelle yet but… there's absolutely reason for Lan to be angry there, all things considered. Plus side, Moiraine has at the very least made Myrelle promise to give Lan's bond to Nynaeve if or when she's raised to Aes Sedai rank, jealous as she is of the young woman. (5) Continuing on from point 4, something I haven't really touched on much yet is how the magic system, with the taint on the male half, has effectively led to a situation where Original Sin lies with men. Even though they're physically somewhat larger and stronger on average than women are in the world, they're mistrusted, because of that association with the Breaking and the taint. So, despite that we still have some gender dynamics in play that we're familiar with, we also have a dimension that alters it. All the way back to the Women's Circle in Emond's Field, the men have their Council but the women nudge them one way or the other on major decisions, or have the deciding vote in the form of the Wisdom. The consent issue with regard to Warder bonds comes up again, obviously, or it wouldn't be seeded here. We can deal with it a little more in depth as it comes. But, the whole "what if this is a deliberate commentary on our real-world gender dynamics" thing is kind of an important lens to view the series through. I think this one was intentional. If Moiraine were a man in a magic-using version of our patriarchal world, how much would he probably think about passing on his life partner's bond to another man? RJ seems to have intentionally reversed a lot of tropes in an effort to make us think, really think, about gender dynamics. (6) Wouldn't Nynaeve crow to hear of it? (7) As if we needed more indication that we're going to Toman Head this book. (8) That's a lot of rambling in the section with Vandene, I wonder what it is specifically that pings Moiraine's memory. (9) So, Mo is important enough to need saving for later, is she? (10) She knows very well that it was here for her and Lan.

[merv606]

I wish Silverusso fans would have written the aftermath of the Terry/Daniel fight in Stingray’s flat. It definitely would have gone differently. No friggin way Terry would have just left Daniel there, beaten and vulnerable; he would have kidnapped him, broken him mentally, and eventually made him his, like he’s wanted for 30+ years. The CK writers suck lol. Just kidding. Sort of.

Well, if silverusso shippers were writing CK, everything would be vastly different lol

Thing is, in the context of the scene and a Terry’s reaction - (what Daniel is to Terry) it makes sense.

Terry, is angry at Daniel - truly angry:

Not pissed (like the sauna scene) but truly angry - and he loses his temper in a way we haven’t seen (and different than beating Sting Ray as that was a means to an end to frame Kreese).

And why?!

Because he was meddling? A thorn in Terry’s side?

No. He likes Danny’s attitude after all (CANON).

He was angry because Daniel was willing to give up - walk away - from this thing - this game they were playing - which equates to willing to walk away from Terry.

And that is unacceptable.

That is what pisses Terry off - even the dialogue you think you can walk away?! We are way past waving the white flag (aka I won’t give you mercy)

Remember he gave Daniel the option to walk away (although that was on Terry’s terms and he knows Daniel and his stubbornness and knew he wouldn’t so it was a fake gesture really).

He could have killed Daniel but he stops himself - he wants Daniel alive to see the plan to fruition (to continue to play with him - his favourite plaything).

So he walks away. If he stays he may break his toy past repair and he doesn’t want that.

This is why the whole narrative they tried to present in season four (and then never brought up again) of Kreese being his weakness makes no sense - and I did do a more in depth write up about this for other asks (I’m pretty sure).

It is not Kreese that got him back to CK - he had no problem saying no to Kreese.

It’s Daniel.

Daniel’s name elicits the first sign of life from Terry.

And come on, thirty plus years and the first thing that pops to his mind is the nickname he gave Daniel?

Sidenote - Kreese is a master manipulator - knows what to say and what buttons to press to get the reaction he wants - to get what he wants - so why do you think he even brought up Daniel?!!

It’s Daniel’s rejection that starts the slippery slope into the old Terry - that’s what makes him shed this persona he created - like old skin - and go back to the old Terry and then an even worse version of that Terry.

It’s all traces back to Daniel. Everything.

It’s his marriage he seems intent on breaking - his kid’s he wants wrapped up in CK - it’s Daniel he wants to break - just like before.

Think too about TIG’s comments which kind of reinforces this idea.

The apology was sincere - it’s the rejection / he wants to be loved / he wants to be Daniel’s friend.

It’s Daniel that makes him lose his temper - his control - it is Daniel that causes his downfall - and if that ain’t the definition of a weakness, will I don’t what is.

I will take this moment to shamelessly promote the AU to the fight scene - kind of a darker route then I normally write