#I have always struggled with sleeping in a matter of bad intense nightmares

[mrfoox]

Not to be dramatic but I've been without my cats for three days now. And for the first time at home without any other living being around me...

I've never slept this bad and felt this lonely in my life

[ceaselesswatchersspecialboy]

What happens when Ford eventually returns? I mean, Dipper and Mabel will have to get used to a whole ‘new’ Ford, and Bill is a chaos-god again, so meeting him in his real form will be interesting, will Bill just hang around?

To summarise: It isn’t great, for anybody.

In the case of Ford, it’s like he’s just woken up from sleep. In his mind, it’s like no time has passed at all, but instead 30 years has, and he has to come to terms with that. His paranoia is intense, and to make matters worse, he doesn’t just feel like a stranger in his own home, but a stranger in his own body. He honestly spends a lot of time around Stan, despite his lingering anger, as Stan is the only person who doesn’t look at him strangely, or make him feel like he’s the one who stole this body, that he’s the one who doesn’t belong. Stan’s familiar. He’s safe. Everything else is just… wrong.

He’s generally quite unsure around the twins, which is a mutual feeling.

Mabel wants him to feel welcome, she really does, but she’s struggling to cope with the feelings of confusion and betrayal, and though she does her best to put on a smile and get to know him, he always seems very far away. Meanwhile, Dipper thought he knew the Author for the longest time, but apparently, it was all a lie, and he’s hurt, they both are, but Dipper honestly handles it worse. He’s fixated enough on Bill’s pages in the journal to know he’s dangerous, that he did something bad to their real Grunkle Ford, and he’s relentless in finding out what.

It feels like walking on eggshells at all times. Their new Great Uncle Ford is jumpy, and he’s always looking at them like they’re going to attack him. He’s only ever really at ease when Stan is around. Speaking of Stan, he doesn’t blame his brother for being so on edge, nor is annoyed at Ford constantly trying to argue with Stan and prove Bill has manipulated him too, because to Ford, it’s the only possible explanation as to why Stan would protect him. And Stan gets that. Even now, he will never forget the anger he felt at seeing Ford’s body, how damaged it was, and how Bill laughed about it. But, unfortunately, he’s spent 30 years with Bill, 30 years Ford had taken from him, and that leaves everything painfully complicated.

Speaking of Bill, I haven’t decided exactly how he’s going to be present, either he’s completely back to hanging around the mindscape, or he’s latched onto Ford still somehow, either way, he hangs around.

I have a particular vision in mind of him entering the twins dreams sometimes, especially if they’re having a nightmare, and he and Mabel end up having a conversation one night.

I may make a full, coloured comic for it honestly, because it’s very clear in my mind, and Mabel asking Bill to lie to her for her own comfort… yeah.

(If anyone’s seen Buffy, it’s kind of based off the ‘Lie to me’ scene)

(One final note: I think DD&MD will still be the key to getting Ford to open up, but it’s something the whole family gets involved with, even Stan and Mabel, though they admit the game isn’t really for them, just to make him feel more comfortable around them, and break the tension a bit more. Dipper kind of figures out he likes it in the similar fashion of Ford seeing his die!)

[k0nanharv3y]

Since I didn't find a promising list of Fanfics with Mikey Centric, I'M MAKING MY OWN

You can leave suggestions, THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE FROM 2012 OR MIKEY, JUST THAT HE IS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER AND THE BOYS FROM 2012 WERE VERY FUCKED, but I am also open to reading from all the series and all the characters. (If you recommend LFLS I'm going to throw you out the window)

This will be constantly updated, but it's like... 3 in the morning here and I have school tomorrow

HEY SUNSHINE The darkness is safe but darkness is still darkness. Everyone needs sunshine to make the darkness feel less bleak.

Underground there was no sunshine.

Mikey decided that he would be that light no matter what it did to him

-My favorite story of all time, if you like Badass Mikey this is your story

REMEMBER YOUR MISSION 8 times Mikey drifted with someone...

...and one time he didn't need to.

-The 2012! TMNT x Pacific Rim AU It's good, it's worth it a thousand times, but it's more to pass the time and be calm from so much angst

Edit - REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT ANGST? WELL, I LIED TO YOU *starts crying on the floor*

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE MEANS (and it's killing me) "Finally, they could try and regain their lost childhood, to be a family again.

Except…

His family didn’t feel like family anymore.

-Do I... do I have to explain this? It's... I cried a thousand times when I read it, it's worth a thousand times the moon but... I'M STILL CRYING MY GOD

SPRAY PAINT, VIOLENCE AND SUPERHEROES Miles and Mikey meet up and decide to fight crime together. Absolute chaos ensues.

Turns out, bad guys don't like turtles and spiders together very much.

-I NEED TO SAY THAT I AM A SHELLSHOCKED FAN, I LOVE THEM, THEY ARE MY BABIES

FIVE MINUTES 'TIL SELF DESTRUCT Even the mightiest of ninja cannot always avoid illness. In Mikey's case, it's the one thing he's never quite been able to dodge. But when a simple cold leaves the family's youngest without a voice, misadventures quickly turn into discoveries as the family bands together. Let the sick days begin

-It's fun, it's VERY good to pass the time, I really liked the narrative and how the brothers interacted

BABY BROTHER When it comes to Mikey

Leo indulges, Raph protects and Donnie teaches

-THEY MAKE ME GO QKAJQIHDJQJANQNDKQLA I LOVE THEM THEY DESERVE THE FUCKING WORLD

TWO HALVES OF A WHOLE HEART Whenever Mikey isn't feeling to great, he'll seek out his older brother.

-I CAN'T I LOVE THEM

I CAN'T HANDLE REJECTION Michelangelo breaks the TV.

-It couldn't all be so fluff, it takes a little bit of a lot of depression to live

WHERE DO WE BEGIN? (the rubble or our sins) Mikey is hit by cuddle pollen, and he and his brothers try to deal with it. (And maybe heal some family wounds along the way.)

-You don't know it's sad until the sad thing comes

ONE MORE NIGHT (please, just for tonight) The night before his big trip, Mikey's brothers stood him up. He pretends he's not hurt about this

-You know you should cry, you didn't because you're a monster.

BE LIKE YOUR BROTHER (and never like yourself) Three times Mikey tried to be like his big brothers.

And one time they told him he didn't have to

-Ah, I could read this a thousand and one times.

WHAT NICOTINE DOES Mikey looks for a way to sleep again without nightmares. He's not doing his best

-Ah, yes, this is me promoting my own fanfic

SONG OF A SUNNY DAY (fading into dusk) The lair has been filled with nothing but the sounds of a heart monitor and quiet. It's too quiet for Mikey, so he goes on a solo run of the city. He finds a violin case on the ground and decides to take it home

-I have love for this story. It was one of the first ones I read and the reason I returned to my love of the violin. Don't look for much angst... they serve it as a main dish

SO HERE'S TO THE HEARTACHE The sequel to "You don't know what love means (and it's killing me)"

-I JUST *CRY INTENSELY*

A CALCULATED PLAN Mourning the loss of splinter, the four turtles struggle to maintain a positive relationship with each other. But when Leo finds a letter saying that Donatello will be the new leader, the divide between the brothers becomes larger.

-HAHAHAHHAHA you are going to suffer so bad

SWAY On an undercover mission to stop a villain’s scheme, one named King Pen who was hosting a party Mikey meets Miles and they have a dance. Let’s sway!

-WOAHHHH I WANT A BOYFRIEND SO HARD *cries*

EMPATHY AMPLIFIED Mikey’s always been one to shoulder his brother’s pain. What happens when the family therapist begins to experience mystic empathy? New powers plus old habits die hard.

-I just... FUCK OFF MAN I READ IT DURING THE NIGHT 'CUZ I HAD A HYPERFIXATION U NEED TO READ THIS

THE SHINOBI'S GARDEN

-Compilation of one-shots of series that I love and will leave here below

DEVIL TOOK YOUR HAND Michelangelo gets ambushed; the Shredder gets another chance to test his mind control serum (I... can't say it)

ALL THE SMALL THINGS An experiment gone wrong de-aged Donnie back into a toddler. Good thing Mikey's great with kids. (ABUBUBUBUAAAHHH I LOVE THEM SM)

RECORD-BREAKING HEAT Losing power overnight may also mean losing your pet cat, if she's made of ice cream (Yeah,... *cry*)

IF WISHES WERE FISHES Raph, Leo and Donnie are quadruplets whose baby brother died the day they were born. When Raphael brings home a new friend with wide blue eyes, a face full of freckles, and a brown belt in karate, the whole family gets a taste of what it might have been like had Michelangelo survived (I just love this story :])

WALK WITH OPEN HANDS Mikey’s head snaps up like a rubber band, so fast it hurts his neck. His father is standing in the doorway, whole and unharmed and strong. He tilts his head, taking in the probably dumb way Mikey is just standing there staring up at him (I'm pretty sure I still don't understand the ending. BUT FUCK, IT'S A WORK OF DAMN ART)

TRAVELING SO FAR TO GET THERE The sound of the apocalypse is a pop number from 1968 by The Foundations. And that’s only because Raphael’s little brother didn’t have the common courtesy to get a decent punk-rock song stuck in his head on the day they fell into this hellscape in the first place. He’s just saying, The Clash or The Offspring or even Fall Out Boy would make more sense, like, thematically. Instead he’s stuck listening to—. “WHY DO YOU BUILD ME UP! BUTTERCUP, BABY, JUST TO LET ME DOWN!". “Mikey,” he yells across the street, “I swear to GOD!” (Long description, and yes, The Foundations became my favorite artists for a week just because of this story)

PROBLEM CHILD Michelangelo has three overprotective big brothers, some questionable friends, a burgeoning need to make himself useful, and a lot of growing up to do. (MY GOSH YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS ONE)

I'VE BEEN AFRAID OF CHANGING It’s not fair. Donnie’s so smart. He’s tired and overworked and unhappy, but he’s smart. How can he get this one thing so wrong? How can he not know Mikey as well as he used to, like all of those years of being each other’s best friends and co-conspirators and secret-keepers from where they were relegated to the “B Team” aren’t as intrinsic and important and fundamental to him as they are to Mikey? How can he look at Mikey, right in the face, and not understand him at all?. Something breaks. (I hate myself for thinking the deleted scenes from 2007 were trash)

-And like these stories, she has thousands more, only these are my favorites and they have Mikey in them, but yes, it has Leo and Usagi, Raph and Casey, Donnie being... Donnie i guess

[muzzlemouths]

@doofnoof STORYTIME

SO! My mom and I have moved around a lot for many (mostly depressing) reasons and could hardly find so much as a one bedroom apartment to share most years, so when we were offered a four bedroom, two bathroom, ENORMOUS backyard full house for a measly amount of rent, we jumped at the chance without really wasting time to question it. The house had a weird feeling from the start but we chalked that up to "just moved" anxiety and shrugged it off.

I don't want to call this a "warning sign", but a weird occurrence I noticed upon moving in was the distinct lack of animals. This was way out in the country, so there were animals galore all around, but none of them — not even birds — would come within a few yards of the house. (cw for animal death) I even adopted a little chick to raise out there, but it did in fact pass away within hours of being inside.

There was a master bedroom with three smaller bedrooms. The master bedroom had a Bad Vibe to it which sounds silly when I say it out loud, but I cannot express just how much being in this room sucked. You'd always feel a little uncomfortable in the house as a whole, but the second you walked into this one room it felt like the entire earth's weight was on your chest. It felt like someone was standing directly behind you at all times. It felt like you smoked three packs of cigarettes and then did jumping jacks. On multiple occasions I became physically sick after being in it for too long.

The room smelled HEAVILY of smoke. Despite there not being any visible fire damage, it always had a scent like there was something burning. We had the wiring checked, the vents checked, the outlets checked, everything. Anybody who came over could smell it but no one knew where it was coming from, because if you got up to the walls and carpets the smell didn't increase any, it was just always there.

My mother chose to sleep in this room because it was the biggest. Now, I want to emphasize here that my mother is in no way superstitious, and she waved off any and all of my anxieties concerning this house/that room in particular, but even she only lasted about a month in that room before she moved into a smaller room. She would have nightmares every. single. night, and that's if she could fall asleep at all. She would wake up feeling sick, rush to the bathroom to throw up, but then suddenly feel fine before she even got there once she was past the doorway. I remember her telling me that what finally did it was trying to leave the room one day and the door not opening. It didn't have a lock on it. She finally got it "unstuck" after a while of struggling, but the situation frustrated her so much — along with the smell — that she decided it best to move next to my room instead (to my unending relief).

Everything was normal after that, aside from the weird tension the house always had and the cold issue we could never figure out (wherein the house was always FREEZING, no matter how high we had the heat. We bundled up in sweaters and blankets during the day to stay warm. Again, we had the wiring checked, the heater, everything. There was no logical explanation for this one.)

That normalcy remained for about a week. After that, stuff started to get weirder. The tension and "pressure" when inside the house was so crushing that we would spend a lot of the time outside if we could just to get away from it. Doors began to swing on their own without a draft, and we did have one (1) instance of the classic Door Slams Shut. Sometimes the doors would be "locked" (again, no locks) and we would just have to leave the room alone for a while and come back to it later. My dog hated being inside and more than once I had to physically pick him up and carry him in because he refused to go. I would constantly feel like someone was walking behind me or running after me even if I was just walking around in broad daylight.

At one point, the door issue got so intense that I moved my mattress into the living-room and slept out there. It was a big open space (which didn't exactly make me any more comfortable) with the master bedroom to the left and the kitchen to the right, and in the direction of where my feet would be was the house's looooong hallway, where all three remaining rooms were located.

I slept like this for a few days longer before just not being able to sleep at all because I would feel like I was in fight or flight mode 24/7. I eventually called my partner and asked them to come stay with me for a few days, just so I could get some sleep. My partner came over and set up a spot next to mine and I conked out almost instantly.

The first night was fine. I had a nightmare, my partner witnessed one of the doorknobs shaking, and that was the end of it. The second night, they woke me up at 3:01am on the dot (I remember because we had a clock on the wall and I was wondering what they wanted so late at night) and I remember feeling this AWFUL feeling, just the worst, most sickening, bone chilling feeling I've ever experienced in my life, and I was going to get up and puke, but before I could my partner shook me again and pointed down the dark hallway and said "Look, look!" and I kid you fucking not, there was a man coming down that hallway. Real tall, big hat, no clear expression on his face but the kind of look that makes your stomach clench and tear itself apart.

He stopped at the end of the hallway right where it would have lead to the livingroom. I couldn't get myself to scream or say anything and neither could my partner, we both just huddled together and watched as the thing stood there for literal hours. At one point we must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I remember is waking up closer to 6am with my mom getting ready for work.

I woke my partner up to double check that I hadn't just dreamed it, and after getting confirmation I just...broke down. Went to my mother as a grown adult just a sobbing wreck, begging her to leave because I couldn't take it anymore.

She knew we couldn't because if we left before a certain date we'd have to pay the deposit, and that was a lot of money when your options were this and being homeless. But I couldn't stay in that house for any longer. I just couldn't. As much as it pained (and worried) me, I left my mom alone in that house to live with my partner and their family instead. I just wasn't strong enough to last even one more night there.

A little under two weeks later, my mom tells me she paid the deposit and will live in her car until we can find another place to go. I'm not sure what changed her mind, and to this day she refuses to tell me what happened in that house after I left, but I can only imagine it was nothing fucking good.

We found out later that the house had many, many deaths inside its walls, and the last tenant before us was a drug house gone wrong where every person involved was killed, multiple of them in traumatic ways. I don't know if that influenced the house or was a result of it, but either way, it's not the prettiest of histories.

The house's owner couldn't find anyone to rent it to after us, and my mom stopped asking after about a year, so I have no idea if it still lies dormant now, but I can tell you I am never going back.

I've never told anyone but a couple friends about this because all of it sounds laughable if you didn't experience it yourself, but I promise you, every word of it is true and still freaks me out to this day.

[coffee-cupps]

Emergency

I have nightmare because of PTSD and I was wondering if you could do a human reader s/o with rung, rodimus, fort max, and perceptor giving comfort from nightmare

Sorry this took so long to write you three! I hope you all like it! Two of you guys requested Rung, and the last person requested others and Rung, so I put them all together! I also added songs that would go well to the prompt.

Rung, Rodimus, Fort Max, and Perceptor x reader/ Nightmare HC’s;

————————————————————————

Keywords:

E/C = Eye Color

————————————————————————

Rung;

You believed nightmares where significant things. Dreams with meanings. But if that was so, why did you have so many? Rung wondered.

You where very important to him, and it worried him to see you at night, twitching in your sleep, drenched in a cold sweat before bolting up and letting out a cry.

It broke his heart. You where to beautiful to have something like this happen.

He would encourage you to take a few sessions with him, to try and find the roots of this, but nothing seemed to work. He tried his best, he really did.

One night though, it was particularly bad. He was called to your hadsuite in a blink of any eye and was faced with the sight of you.

You sat on your small birth, sobbing audibly, drenched in sweat, and shaking violently.

He moved to your side in an instant, hesitating to pick you up before he scooped you into his hands and held you to his chest.

You flinched at first, letting out a feared shriek before looking up into the eyes of your newcomer.

You just stared, not knowing what to do before he softly patted your hair, and pressed you against his chest, letting you listen to his soothing speakbeat.

It was...soothing to say the least. Such a beautiful rhythm, striking a few beats every second. His chest radiated a calming heat as you rested your cheek in his teal spark, making him jump slightly.

He leaned on your birth, keeping you close and placed a small blanket over you, letting you drift into a peaceful sleep.

————————————————————————

Rodimus;

This poor fucking kid dude. As soon as he hears about this, he is by your side, panicking. He cares a lot about you, and never wants you to have these dreams.

When he see’s you having them, he is by your side instantly, shaking you intensely to awaken you.

He has had nightmares before, and knows the horrors they can bring, so he understands if you don’t want to discuss them.

Most nights, he will let you sleep in his birth with him, laying on his warm chest, sleeping soundly to his sparkbeat.

He would encourage you to see Rung or at least discuss what’s going on in them, to try and get to the bottom of the cause.

If it’s personal, he would understand, but still want you to see Rung; just in case.

He really worries about you, and isn’t afraid to cry in front of you. Sometimes, when you wake up from a nightmare in tears, he would cry too.

It really hurts him to see you so hurt from your dreams.

He loves to place his forehead on yours and look into your eyes, he could get lost in your E/C orbs forever.

He will always be there for you, no matter what!

————————————————————————

Fort Maximus;

If there is anyone on this list that knows more about nightmares than the others, it’s him.

After being through so much, he has nightmares every night and knows how to deal with them.

You usually sleep with him so when you experience a nightmare in his habsuite, he knows what to do.

He’ll tell you to take deep breaths, breathing in time with him, allowing your lungs to relax and to work normally.

He is the type of person who doesn’t like to jump to ‘what happened’, more like; ‘Let’s calm you down first’, and you appreciate that. A lot.

He’ll carry you around in his shoulders when you wake up from a nightmare sometimes. Just wondering the halls while you calm down, getting you a drink, snack, etc.

He loves to cuddle you. He loves you so much, and you love him. You are always there for him when he has nightmares and vice versa. He is so caring that it makes you cry.

He carries around little music players to calm you and little stuffed animals for whenever you where tired, he knows that it’s hard to sleep.

He would wake you up as soon as he see’s you having such dreams and just holds you. Not talking needed, he already knows.

————————————————————————

Perceptor;

Like Fort Max, he is used to nightmares, and he knows how to deal with them.

He is aware of your nightmares before you tell him anything or he sees it happen, he’s just that good.

He may not show much emotion but trust me, he shows them to you.

He asks if you need to speak with him or Rung. If you say yes, it’s instant, he’ll do anything to make you feel better.

He is a very busy mech, mostly at the lab instead of your shared habsuite but, if he hears that you are struggling with your dreams, you better believe that he will stop everything he is doing and go to you, for as long as you need.

He loves you. So fucking much. He would do anything for your sweet soul.

He loves it when you sleep on his scope btw-

Most nights, you are on his shoulder, sleeping soundly as he works silently. He found out that him being near you while you sleep, reduces your nightmares.

[saeransimp]

I forgot to send this before but how do you feel about some Little Spoon SE Saeran content?

You know the absolute direct way to my heart, Kait. I actually ended up writing this as his first time experiencing what it’s like, so there’s lots of feelings. And if you thought you were only getting fluff with this...think again :)

(1059 words)

Saeran is, by no means, a stranger to night terrors. Haunted by his demons and the trauma so deeply rooted inside his still mending heart, he’ll frequently wake up thrashing and screaming- still in a haze, he lashes out in a panic at anything in front of him that he can reach until he’s able to process reality and ground himself. 

Because of this, when he can tell that he’s going to have a rough night, he has to send you to sleep in your own room within the bunker. He despises doing this to you, and is overwhelmed with a guilt he cannot find the words to express. Saeran wants to be able to hold onto you without such an intense fear of hurting you after a nightmare- he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he did. He will not become that monster. He cannot become that monster. And if that means sending you away to ensure your safety, he’ll do it, even as desperately as he wishes he didn’t need to.

Oftentimes, he needs to feel your warmth afterwards. Being forced to relive those memories through his nightmares makes him sick, and the only things that can soothe him are the sounds of your heartbeat, your breathing, affirming that you’re real and that he’s not being tormented back in that hell. He doesn’t like to wake you up, despite your reassurances, so he’ll sneak in as quietly as possible and curl into your arms, head pressed against your chest as he focuses on only you in order to stabilize himself until you awaken on your own. 

Tonight...well, he didn’t know what it would be like. He was torn between wanting you to stay, as it had been days since you’d last been together with him to sleep, and asking you to go to your room just to make absolutely sure you would be protected from his destructive tendencies just in case he happened to have another night terror. 

It was late, and he had been internally debating on this for awhile. Like always, though, you seemed to be able to read him like a book, without a need for him to actually say anything. 

“Hey,” your soft voice gently pulled him from his thoughts. “I was wondering if we could try something?” It came out sounding like more of a question, as your requests usually did- you were always taking his feelings into consideration and giving him a choice in the smallest ways possible, one of the many things he had come to love you for. 

His entire life up to this point, he was never given the freedom to choose for himself, it was always other people choosing for him...he never had a say in anything, not one that mattered...but with you, he never felt forced to do anything he was uncomfortable with. He had a choice. And he trusted you to always respect his decision. It was still something he was unfamiliar with, still learning to get used to. But he cherished it.

Saeran tilted his head questioningly, then watched as you stuffed yourself under his covers and lightly patted the space in front of you as if to make sure he knew it wasn’t a command, but an open invitation if it was something he would be okay with. 

He hesitated, but ultimately couldn’t resist the hopeful look in your eyes. So, with a sigh, he got up from his seat and took his place next to you, wondering if you could tell just how tense from uncertainty that he was. 

Slowly, you reached up and brushed his bangs back from his eyes, searching them, as if to track that what you were doing was okay. When he gave a slight nod, you moved to press a soft kiss to his forehead with a smile. 

“Turn around?”

When he realized what you meant, Saeran’s features contorted in distaste. Him? Be the little spoon? Why? He didn’t voice any of these questions, but it was evident he was leaning heavily against the idea. 

“If you don’t like it I promise you can move back. I won’t be upset, okay?”

And he knew you meant it. You were never upset with him for the boundaries he had to have. 

But, still, he needed to contemplate for a few moments until he eventually relented. But he couldn’t help but click his tongue in dissatisfaction as he rolled over. 

Saeran felt your arm sliding around him, your fingers tenderly intertwining with his, then your face nuzzling against the back of his neck. He was thankful you weren’t able to see the blush that unwantedly burned at his cheeks. 

Before he could say anything, you were mumbling soothingly against his skin.

“I’ve been thinking...when you have bad nights but you still want me here with you, we can stay like this and it’s safe. If you start kicking or even hitting at what’s in front of you...I’m not there. If you need to pull yourself out, all you have to do is slide forward without any struggle to pull your own arms away from me. And when you need me, instead of sneaking into my room, I’m already right here for you to come back to when you’re ready. We can be together and keep both of each other safe.” 

He didn’t know at what point it had happened, but Saeran had melted against you, all traces of his apprehension seemingly gone. Tears were stinging his eyes, threatening to spill over. You always put so much thought and care into him down to the littlest things, and he couldn’t understand what made him so special- but god if it didn’t feel good to be.

“Plus it’s cute ‘cause it’s like I’m your little backpack!” You giggled. 

Sarean found himself smiling at that. 

“So...Are you okay staying like this?”

Your answer came with him squeezing your hand. 

He felt more than okay, even if he couldn’t voice it. Content...warm...protected...happy...loved...safe. It was overwhelming, but...in a good way. 

Saeran closed his eyes, his fears of hurting you slowly washing away as he fell asleep. 

Little did you know that it would be something he’d ask for far more often than just when he might have a bad night.

[soldierswar]

Kobik - Chapter II

Bucky x Reader

Fluff/Angst

Chapter summary: You and Bucky begin to face your new reality.

Chapter 1

“Sam was right. You do have a staring problem,” was the first thing said between the two of you after you broke the news almost 5 minutes ago.

His face was still white even after sitting down. You sat across from him, you both being in the same spots that you were in before your outburst.

Out of all of the ways that you had imagined telling him would be like, this wasn’t anything close to any of your scenarios. Granted, the reaction itself was pretty on par with what you expected.

“When were you going to tell me?” he asked still in a trance. His eyes continued to dart from the ground to your stomach back and forth.

“I found out a couple of hours before you left. I didn’t want to freak you out before—”

“And how long did you plan on keeping this from me?”

“Really? That’s your first thought?” you snapped.

“Yeah,” he retorted.

“Well maybe I was just waiting for the right time, but obviously things don’t always go as planned!”

You and Bucky had never planned to have kids. The mere idea of it scared the hell out of you guys. So for the most part, you were pretty careful.

“How did this even happen?”

You leaned forward and looked him dead in the eyes.

“Bucky,” you said.

“I’ll give you one guess.”

He shook his head.

“You know what I mean.”

Suddenly a little voice crept up on you startling the both of you for a second.

“Is everything okay?”

Bucky was the first one to look at her, and you couldn’t help but notice the softening of his features; especially in his eyes.

“Yeah. Everything’s fine, kid. We’re just talking,” he said in a comforting tone.

She frowned suspiciously as though she wasn’t convinced, but she let it go.

You thought that seeing her after Bucky told you about her whole history would have made you even more afraid of her. But looking at her now, you saw the innocence in her that Bucky was so adamant about convincing you that she had. Honestly, she was kind of adorable once you got used to some of her unnatural features.

You turned your gaze back over to the house where Sam was standing at the doorway. You wondered if he heard anything from your intense conversation.

“Are you guys done with your little moment or not?” Sam shouted.

You looked over at Bucky whose eyes were still on Kobik with a nervous expression. You realized that once again you had almost completely forgotten the whole point of your little argument, and now he was struggling with what you told him and what to do with Kobik. Now you kind of hated yourself for doing all this to him.

So you did what you now felt you had to do and let out a big sigh.

“I don’t have a car seat.”

Bucky’s face looked a little confused.

“And I guess she’s tiny enough to sleep on our giant couch,” you continued. Now he was understanding.

“But I swear if there’s a moment where we’re in any type of danger—”

“Y/N, I would never—”

“I know.”

You knew that he wasn’t lying. One thing that you always trust was that he would do anything to protect you; even when you didn’t always trust his judgement with some of his risky/impulsive decisions. But him protecting you from bad people was how you two had met in the first place.

“Hooray!” she exclaimed jumping into Bucky’s arms. Something that would be seemingly normal for a child of her perceived age; except for the fact that she jumped from an impossibly far distance, and seemed to float slowly as she went down to wrap her own arms around his shoulder. Almost like there was an invisible parachute over her.

This was going to be interesting.

…

In the hours since Kobik had come home with the two of you, there was no denying that you were avoiding her. You felt a little bit guilty about it, but it wasn’t hard to tell that she was kind of avoiding you too. You couldn’t blame her, you didn’t exactly react in the best way in your initial interaction.

You checked the time on your computer. 7:00. You hadn’t realized how long you had holed yourself up in your office under the guise of catching up on emails. In all fairness when he saw how anxious you started getting when she began exploring the apartment, Bucky did suggest that you go rest or something said that he would handle her. Whatever that meant. You also had to admit to yourself that Kobik wasn’t the only one you were avoiding. You and Bucky were incredibly tense after your outburst, and you haven’t had space or time to talk about it yet.

When you walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water you could see Bucky sitting in the living room with Kobik on his lap.

He was reading her a story from his iPad. It was what you remembered to be an excerpt of a story from his favourite book of short stories. She looked calm, and honestly quite comfortable. In fact, she was in the midst of falling asleep. Your heart might have melted if you weren’t so freaked out about the thought of her having some type of trauma-induced nightmare and burning a hole through the ceiling or something crazy like that in her sleep.

You decided to shake that thought and walked over to the bedroom to let yourself collapse onto the bed. And yet, when you got there you could not let yourself relax. All you could do was lay on the bed and stare at the ceiling wishing that you could feel numb inside instead of feeling everything else it was that you were feeling weighing down on you.

Not too much later you felt Bucky sit down on the bed right next to you. With that, you began to feel something along the lines of dread. You knew that this was the moment where you’d have to face whatever new reality you both had looming over you. The short-term ones, and the long-term ones.

After you sat up you both stared at each other not knowing where to start.

Finally, you decided to talk first.

“So how long do you think this is going to go on for?”

“Not too long,” he stated.

“We just need to find out who it is trying to find her and why. We have a few people looking into it now.”

“And then what?”

He let out a slow tired sigh and shrugged.

“After that, we just need to figure out who with and/or where she’ll be able to live with long term.”

You nodded, feeling a little relieved that he wasn’t going to try to convince you to keep her forever.

“Speaking of long term.”

‘Oh great,’ you thought.

“Yeah,” was all that you could say looking down at your still flat belly. You were still too scared to touch it like there was something or rather someone actually in there.

“How long?” he asked.

“I already told you how long I’ve known.”

“I mean how far along?” he clarified.

You suddenly thought about how cuddling with the tiny humanoid weapon in your living room might be more fun than having to go through this conversation.

“I mean I haven’t really gone to the doctor yet,” you stated.

“But if I did that math right…about 2 months.”

He didn’t say anything. Or rather, couldn’t say anything; which did nothing but succeed in driving you mad.

“Again with the long pauses?” you snapped.

“Y/N…”

But one look into your pleading, probably now red and puffy eyes made him stop.

And that was the moment when you began to cry. Days upon days’ worth of tears fell down your cheeks as sobs wracked your body. So instead of saying anything yet, he just held you. He wrapped his arms around you and rocked you side to side until you were finally able to calm down again.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly against the top of your head.

You furrowed your brows and looked up to meet his gaze.

“I’m sorry about how…terribly I’m reacting to this.”

You weren’t sure why but you suddenly felt a little laugh bubble over you, but you held back.

“If it makes you feel any better,” you sniffled.

“I immediately threw up, and then cried for three days straight. So I think I win.”

He let out a light chuckle before his eyes began to glaze over as he sunk deep into his thoughts.

You gave his hand a reassuring squeeze bringing him back to earth grateful that you were finally being the calmer one in this situation.

“We’re gonna figure this out,” you said giving him a soft smile.

“Yeah?” he responded wearily, returning the reassuring squeeze.

You shrugged.

“I mean we haven’t really been left with much of a choice now have we?”

He kissed you on the top of your head and sighed lightheartedly.

“No, I guess not.”

He turned to lay down with his head on his pillow and pulled you to lay comfortably in front of him.

“You know I love you no matter what, right?” he whispered while carefully resting his hand on your belly. And now you wanted to cry again. But instead of crying, you assured him,

“Always.”

You laid there for a while in silence but in peace. Also, you were exhausted. You both were. No matter how anxious you two might have been, it was one of those days where you would definitely not be fighting sleep. So as sleep came, you let it. You let it take you away into blissful oblivion.

But moments after you found yourself properly asleep, you were suddenly awoken by a child-like scream followed by a loud bang.

Kobik.

...

Thanks to all of you for all of the love I got for chapter 1. I'm pretty excited for the next few chapters. I hope you enjoyed.

Tagged:

@typicalnerd98 @veroxloki @white-wolf-buckaroo @closeyoureyes---makeawish @acciosiriusblack @pastel-boy-sungjae

[vivianweasley]

Rapunzel (Fred Weasley X Ravenclaw!Reader)

A/N: This is for @wand3ringr0s3‘s 1.9K writing challenge and the prompt is I See The Light from Tangled!

Summary: Fred is always there for you. No matter if it’s your birthday, or if you’re just having a sleepless night.

Pairing: Fred Weasley X Ravenclaw!fem!Reader

Warnings: insomnia (Fred comforting reader!), post-war trauma, mention of war

Word count: 1.8K

(Disclaimer: I do not own the gif)

Today’s your 18th birthday. Even though the atmosphere of the school was pretty intense with Umbridge in charge, you still had a pretty good birthday. Your friends threw you a little birthday party.

Everyone wished you Happy Birthday. Well, everyone except for one.

After the Weasley twins left the school, you’ve never heard from them since. You guys were good friends and you really missed them. Especially Fred. 

Even George sent you a letter wishing you happy birthday, along with some samples of their new products, but Fred never showed up. Did he forget about your birthday? Or did he just forget about you?

You weren’t sure when did your stupid little crush on Fred Weasley began. Maybe it was when he stood up for you when Umbridge was going to punish you. Maybe it was when he made you laugh when you were crying because you got a bad grade in potions. Or maybe it was long before all of this.

How you became friends with Fred was a funny story. It was two years ago, you were just on your way back to your common room, but suddenly you tripped. You dropped all of your books and the potion project that you spent the entire last week working on. Watching the potion bottle scattered into pieces, your heart broke with it. You looked up and saw a boy with ginger hair gasped and soon escaped.

You recognized that was Fred Weasley. You two shared a few classes together and you hated to admit it, but he and his twin always had their way to capture your attention. How could they not? They always had so many strange ideas that never failed to intrigue you.

The next day, you successfully cornered him in the hallway. “Weasley! Why the hell did you trip me! I worked on that project for an entire week!”

He was surprised that someone suddenly cornered him, but he still had that cheeky smile, “Oh I think you got the wrong twin. I’m pretty sure it was George. I’ll go find him for you-”

“Oh I’m sorry. I must’ve made a mistake then.”

“It’s alright, people mix us up all the time.” He smiled and soon tried to escape you again. But just when he started walking, he tripped.You waved your wand and tied his shoelaces when he was still busy trying to come up with some excuses and alibi. 

You walked in front of him and gave him a triumphant grin, “This is for my potion project. I know who you are, Fred Weasley.”

And then you just hopped away, leaving him still lying on the floor and that funnily, was the beginning of your friendship.

He was intrigued by your mind and your ideas just as how you were intrigued by his. You would always get him and George out of trouble just like how you could get them into trouble if you wanted to.

You felt ridiculous always checking the clock and fighting back the urge to check the owlery every other hour. If Fred couldn’t give you a birthday gift, maybe at least he could send you a letter?

Maybe his owl got lost. You knew the Weasley’s owl was a little silly. 

Or maybe he already forgot about you. He’s got a business and everything, who would have time for you?

The clock in your room finally stuck 12. It was officially not your birthday anymore and he never showed up.

You fell on your pillow and your mind drifted to last year’s birthday. The twins dragged you to the shrieking shack, telling you that they need your help for a grand prank. You opened the door and found Ginny and the twins actually prepared a surprise party for you. But this year, you only had Ginny.

A knock on the window beside you brought you back from your memory. You got off your bed and walked to the window, gripping your wand tight for you didn’t know what might happen.

But when you opened the window, the scene successfully put a smile on your face. Enchanted little pebbles were flying up to knock on your window. Along with the pebbles, there was also a little note that read “Oi Rapunzel, let down your hair!” You knew that carefree handwriting way too well. It was Fred’s.

You flipped the note and the back of it read “meet you at the door”. You chuckled as the butterflies in your stomach started to dance.

As soon as you rushed downstairs, you heard someone arguing with the door knocker, “Seriously, why are you so stubborn? If a serial killer is chasing after a student and that student just couldn’t answer your stupid riddles, are you just gonna let that student die? This doesn’t make any sense!”

You giggled and opened the door to see Fred with his cheeks flushed and still panting. You guessed that he must have ran upstairs just now.

“Oh thank Merlin! Y/N!”

“How did you get into Hogwarts?”

“Hmmm, my determination to be here for you on your birthday has made me unstoppable?”

Your heart fluttered at his cheesy answer, but you still kept a straight face, “Yet, you are still late.”

But instead of Fred’s explanation, you heard the portrait on the wall complaining first, “So do you want to get in or out? You can’t just stand here with the door open!” 

“Come!” Fred smiled at you and dragged you out of the common room.

“Where are you taking me!”

He brought you all the way to the astronomy tower. Thankfully, you guys didn’t run into Mr. Filch because Fred already knew the route too well.

You two sat down by the window. The weather was good tonight. The sky was clear and you could see the stars twinkling above. The chilly midnight breeze made the astrological instruments sing. You haven’t felt so peaceful in a while.

“Happy birthday Y/N.” Fred broke the silence first. He pulled out a bracelet from his pocket and placed it around your wrist. “I’m sorry I was late, but your present took me longer than I thought to make.”

“What is this Freddie?”

“Lumos.” He waved his wand and the bracelet lit up. Your eyes lit up too when you saw the bracelet on his wrist started to glow as well. “In case you missed the laughter and fun in your life, by that I mean, in case if you missed me, you can light up the bracelet and I will know.”

You stared at him, finding yourself speechless. A warm and tingling feeling started to rise in your heart and spread through your whole body.

“Don’t fall in love with me.” He laughed cheekily when he realized you were staring at him.

You looked at him and saw the light reflecting in his eyes. For a moment, it was as if your world has lit up, yet everything was in slow-motion.

Too late. That was the first thought that popped into your head

---

You woke up from the exploding and screaming in your nightmare. It was already three in the morning.

Nightmares and sudden palpitations were common problems that people who have been through the battle face and you weren’t an exception. You glanced at the calendar on your nightstand and felt slightly relieved when you made sure it was already a year after the war. Everything was fine. You were safe now.

You lied back and tried to sleep again, but the brutal scenes of the battle just refused to leave your head. After struggling for fifteen minutes, you finally gave up and got off bed.

You turned on all the lights in your room just to feel a little bit more secure, but the room was just so empty. You were craving for company. You missed Fred. You needed him.

You and Fred got together during the war, finally admitting that you couldn’t afford to lose each other. If the war left anything good in your life. There was that.

You wanted to see Fred, to talk to him, to hug him. You wanted to just apparate into his apartment right now. But you knew he was busy and had to wake up early tomorrow morning. Even though Fred told you that you could always go find him when you need him, but you just didn’t want to add to his burden. You knew it was your anxiety and insecurity lying to you, saying that you were a burden, but you just felt too exhausted tonight to shut them up.

So after debating in your head and listing out all the pros and cons, you decided to just light that bracelet. If you couldn’t cuddle him right now, at least the light from the bracelet could make you feel like he was right here with you.

Sleeping was probably not an option anymore tonight, so you decided to read a good book to distract yourself. But fifteen minutes later, you realized you were just staring at the pages without even reading the words. So you started to pace around in your apartment, trying to focus on all the corners that you didn’t pay attention to before.

Just when you were about to check that vase on your bookshelf for the third time tonight, you heard a knocking on your window. You immediately ran to the window, knowing too well what that meant. 

A little note with “Rapunzel, let down your hair” written on it flew into your hand when you opened the window.

“Darling, are you alright?” You turned and saw Fred has already apparated into your apartment. “I’m sorry I’m a little late, the bracelet went under my pillow-” 

His ramble was cut short when you rushed to hug him. He chuckled and lifted you up to carry you back to your bedroom. He placed you on the bed and tucked you in before joining you

You felt like you could finally breathe calmly as you were now secure in his embrace. You just felt so lucky to have him and a random question popped into your head.

“Freddie, when did you realize that you like me?”

“Hmm probably that day when you tied my shoelaces. I thought Merlin, this woman is going to be trouble.”

“Thank you very much,” you lightly pushed his arm to protest.

“I have a question for you too,” suddenly, he looked at you seriously, “how were you able to tell me and George apart at first?”

“Well, you are slightly taller than George and George’s voice is deeper than yours.” You simply listed out your observations.

“But these are all relative. That day when you tied my shoelaces, there was only me.”

“Or maybe it’s just cause I’m smart?”

He squeezed your waist at your cheeky answer and you squeezed his waist back. 

“It’s your eyes,” you finally admitted, “George’s eyes are soft, but your eyes are bright. It’s like my whole world has lit up when I see the light in your eyes.”

He looked at you with his eyes widened. You giggled when you saw his expression, “What? Are you feeling touched? Don’t fall too deeply in love with me.”

He squeezed your waist again. But when you were about to attack him back, he pulled you closer and pressed a kiss on your forehead.

“Too late, darling. Already did.”

[kraiyan]

i made my own little headcannons to fit in if michael and jeremy were dating and a bunch of other stuff that i don’t want to spoil so take my headcannons and please don’t pay attention to my overuse of the words ‘so’ and ‘like’

i wrote this headcannons for me in my notes so there are mentions of panic/anxiety attacks, light mentions of an eating disorder, nightmares, and self harm but i’ll just put a trigger warning for when those parts show up and if i missed anything that is triggering please let me know

- michael is trans and gay and jeremy is bisexual

- i think they would’ve been friends since kindergarten so they grew up telling each other EVERYTHING

- i feel like michael was really girly as a kid but in like 6th grade he just completely switched to like tomboy but he didn’t do on purpose it just happened

- then in seventh grade michael told jeremy he wanted to be a boy then after that with help from jeremy he came out to his moms

- michael had a crush in jeremy since 7th grade but i don’t think jeremy was his first crush

- i think since michael was straight when he was a girl he just assumed he was straight as a boy and his sexual awakening was captain sparklez

- michael has two moms and jeremys mom would’ve died in a car accident so it’s just him and his dad

- i imagine they confessed to each other in their second year of high school

- (TW: mentions of abuse) jeremy realized he liked michael in freshman year and it was really bad he could not stop thinking about him so when he got squip squip l would not stop punishing him for it

- so jeremy definitely has some problems with his bisexuality

- after years of pining for each other when they finally kissed jeremy could not stop panicking about it

- like they went to sleep fine but he was internally panicking and he tried to keep it together but the next day he absolutely broke just started sobbing saying over and over again “is this okay, are we okay”

- michael is the type to listen to a vulgar music to help his dysphoria

- so him and jeremy are in his car michael plugs in his phone and just starts singings “hoes want to be seen with me and i like their big thick titties”

- and jeremy can do nothing else but be like michael what the fuck

- they decided to keep their relationship a secret and not tell anyone bc of jeremy still coming to terms with himself and he didn’t think his dad would understand

- but i feel like michael moms had already pieced together that they were dating and jeremy didn’t mind that they knew bc they’re literally lesbians but every time jeremy came over from that point forward they had to keep their door open

-(TW: mention of an eating disorder) in a different angstier au jeremy would struggle with eating as a control thing after squip

- (TW: mention of an eating disorder) in an angstier au michael would have an eating disorder cause dysphoria

- i feel like once he realized he was trans he had really bad dysphoria but like with therapy and stuff he got over it

- so i think michael really liked afycso and had it on a vinyl and now jeremy knows all the words

- they don’t do anything at school because jeremy is still uncomfortable so they just pursuit their relationship between closed doors and michaels car in an empty parking lot

- i feel like they both got really excited when michael got referred to as sir for the first time

- jeremy and michael grew up together but ironically when puberty hit michael started to wear baggy clothes than he wore a binder than he wore super baggy clothes to hide his tits after coming out but during squip he had time to self reflect and work on his dysphoria so when jeremy saw michael outside of school he kinda said TITS and was so caught off guard by them

-(TW: mentions of self harm scars) i think michael has sh scars due to losing his childhood best friend and the whole panic attack in the bathroom thing and jeremys seen them but didn’t bring it up to michael because they’re fading so he obviously doesn’t do it anymore but it was a huge shock for jeremy to find out

- they never brought it up tho and it was never discussed bc who cares it was in the past

- michael pants his nails black and i think on some very rare occasion jeremy would paint his nails too (like the way karl paint his) and michael has lots of nail polish cuz on the rare occasion he paints his nails different colors and he repainted his nails every two weeks

- no matter how many times michael has changed in the same room as jeremy even let jeremy help take off his binder jeremy will never not get shy when he changes and will always ask to go into another room

- jeremy is a coffee person but not hot coffe because he always drinks it too early and burns his tongue

- he originally bought his hoodie™️ in really huge size to battle dysphoria but that just made the hoodie last for years

- jeremys name in michaels phone is something very gay and lovey and shit and michaels name on jeremys phone is just michael :)

- jeremy would come home all suspicious and and red faced after him and michael came from an empty parking lot that his dad would not stop begging him to meet this girlfriend of his

- i don’t think jeremy told his dad him and michael were playing a game or something and they kiss jeremys dad comes in and is like what 😦

-and his dad is shocked that he has been pushing girlfriend but he has a boyfriend and is just soooooo awkward about it and never sees michael the same but never makes any rules about them bc he doesn’t want to be homophobic 😭

- i don’t think he was really not supportive but it took him a bit to get used to it but it was so new to him and he was just so phased he just kinda talked to jeremy about his sexuality then left it at that

- they are like gendebend bubbline (marshal lee and the other one yk)

- michael has a queen vinyl the listen to a lot

- so i think michael would still smoke a bit and one time he convinced jeremy to do it with him and jeremy mainly coughed a lot then they just made out the rest of the time but they didn’t tell their parents they would be staying out after school and they both got in trouble

- michael gets blue raspberry and jeremy gets cherry but he also gets coke sometimes too (slushy flavors)

- at the beginning of their relationship they had to take it really slow so that jeremy would feel coqmfortable

- (TW: mentions of panic attacks) so jeremy has nightmares of squip and he wakes up having panic attacks and it’s really tiring bc he only gets 2 hours of sleep if he has these nightmares

- (TW: mentions of panic attacks) i feel like along with his nightmares he also had panic attacks that squip would punish him for pursuing a relationship with a guy let alone michael

- so after he got over his nightmares he just struggled with sleeping and nighttime in general like just fear around going to sleep

- so he often stayed up alll night to avoid sleeping and would like go to bed at 6 or on a good day 4 or 5

- so i think to get over his fear he had to make a routine first he would make some sort of hot drink or just water (mostly sleepy time tea) then he would text michael that he was going to sleep he also wears the same pajamas every time he goes to sleep just to make sure the routine really works then lastly he reads a comic book then he goes to bed

- i think the reason jeremy couldn’t sleep well after getting over the nightmares is because even if squip doesn’t haunt him enough to show up in his dreams anymore it still haunts him enough to stress him out constantly so he doesn’t sleep well

- to conclude the nightmare and sleeping saga jeremy basically has a night routine and sleeps with a night light

- i feel like they both go to therapy but we’re to scared to tell each other (and they both started going to therapy before they started dating)

- so fast forward they’re dating and are trying to plan a date and jeremys like i’m busy on monday at 1 and my dad needs me to help him with something on tuesday so how about wednesday at 3 and michaels like i have somewhere to be like at 3:30 and jeremys like where do you have to be and michaels like where do YOU have to be and so they count to three and say where they’re going to be and they both say therapy and then they’re like you go to therapy i think that would be so cute

- so michael has really thick glasses like his vision is awful so if jeremy is mad at michael he would wake up early and move his glasses over so michael would have to struggle to get out of bed and look for them with his poor ass vision

- he can see things right in front of his face but as soon as it moves a bit too far it’s blurry

- and speaking of his galsses if they’re really kissing along the way jeremy would take of his glasses so they could get closer to each other’s faces (like how elle and tao do in heartstopper )

- michael and jeremy have been friends way too long to not have practiced kissing with each other

- i think christine was a long time crush for jeremy so he definitely practiced kissing michael a lot since they were in 6th grade and michael was just soaking that shit up

- he’d be like what if she wants to make out we should practice that and jeremys like oh yeah you’re right and michael would be so freaking happy

- but they definitely got caught by jeremys dad and he laughed it off cause what else are you meant to when your 11 year old son and his 12 year old best friend are kissing each other

- they didn’t do it anymore after that cause they were soooooooooo embarrassed

- so i don’t talk about the rest of the characters but i’m about to make a headcannon including them so i’m gonna say my headcannons

- so chole is demisexual and panromantic

- brooke is a lesbian

- rich is bisexual and trans

- jake is pan

- jenna is questioning or straight

- and christine is aro/ace

- so i think jeremy and christine dated for a bit then christine broke up with him cause she was all like i can see the way you look at michael and also because she realized she was feeling intense platonic attraction not romantic

- and also i think they’re all friends so they have a group chat where they send homework answers and stuff

- so i think one time jeremy is doing his nighttime routine but this particular night he’s really tired so he texts michael goodnight bby <3 love u then skips the comic book reading and goes to bed but he sent it to their group chat so as soon as he got situated into bed all he hears is his phone going off so he has to check and it’s just everyone freaking out

- so he like fully sits up is looking at his phone in complete shock then realizes he never said a name so they are like who’s this mystery girl

- so he calls michael tells him about the situation then decides he’s ready to come out

- so the next day they’re more handsy then usual like jeremy wiped something off his face michael saw that he was cold and pulled him real close and their friends are like okayyyyy

- but mind you christine knew that jeremy liked michael so she knew exactly what was happening

- so at the end of the day their friend group is making plans to hang out but everyone was busy so jeremy goes well i’ll see you guys tomorrow waves at everyone kisses michael then starts walking to his house then michaels like yea i’m gonna head home to and like drives away and from that day forward their friends would not stop teasing them and were impressed they could keep there secret for so long

- so i feel like michaels moms both have jobs that run late so mom #1 is an er nurse and mom #2 is an account so this leaves michael a lot of time of being alone in his house so naturally you need to take advantage

- so one time mom #2 gets home and walks in just to see jeremy fully on the counter making out with her son

- i don’t think they got in trouble but his mom was like please not on the counter

- and then there was another time where mom #1 came home on her break cause she doesn’t live far from the er so she like yells to michael that she’s home

- and so naturally you come down to hug your mom so he comes down to greet his mom with a red faced jeremy behind him and his mom thought this was so fucking funny but as soon as she’s done laughing she immediately goes anytime jeremys over the doors open and that was the end of it

- everyone has this one thing that someone does that make them all blushy and stuff

- for jeremy it’s when michael wears fitting clothes cause michael is known to wear hoodies or just baggy clothes in general so when michael does get hot and needs to like put something on he puts on one of those body fitting v necks and jeremy losses his shit like he’s fully blushing and avoiding eye contact and since michael changed cause he was hot he’s sure that jeremy is so hot that his face is turning red and he’s embarrassed to say to take off his cardigan so the entire time jeremy is being full homo for his boyfriend michael is thinking he’s about to pass out from a heat stroke

- so i think jeremy enjoys this so much that for the first week of spring michael will only wear fitted clothes because jeremy loves it

- for michael it’s when he’s kissing jeremys neck and jeremy runs his hand thru his hair and pulls it a little when this happens michael loses all common sense one because jeremys enjoying himself so much that he has to kinda tug on michaels hair and two he’s enjoying it so much he doesn’t have time to think that squip is going to punish him and that makes michael just lose his mind so by the time they’ve pulled apart jeremy as sooooo many hickies and they both look at each other like what the fuck did we just do

- moving right along i feel like when jeremy wakes up at night and is terrified to go back to sleep if him and michael are sleeping together he will like hug him until he gets back to sleep and it works every time

- when they were like 7 jeremy got really sick with the flu and michael was so scared that he was going to die so he kissed him while he was sleeping because if his best friend was gonna die so was he and the next day he got really sick with the flu and jeremy would not stop crying because he thought that since michael refused to leave his side he got him sick…they’re idiots

- jeremy is the type to go to school with the worst fever ever he could throw up in the middle of the school day and still not go to the nurse and if he got sick during junior year forget it you had to strap him down to his bed if you wanted him to take a day off like michael had to sedecue him into staying in bed and taking medication so that he could feel better

[thebrownssociety]

i noticed that in a past post you had mentioned daffy was in the front lines of world war 2. how was that like? how did toons particularly handle war?

Not particularly well. Toons are not designed for war, they're designed to make people laugh. Added to that that most of the toons were very young [under 15] when they were sent to the front and the story gets sadder.

Warnings: Mention of War and descriptions of PTSD [I have done research, but this is Toon version, so it's not going to tally exactly with humans]

Disclaimer - this is a headcanon. I have mentioned the companies here and Walt Disney [briefly] stating the obvious, it's all made-up.

All of the companies involved did there best to help/protect the toons as best they could. None of the female or children toons were allowed to go and there was a limit on how old the 'adult' toons had to be before they could go. That ended up being 5. The companies wanted 10, the Military wanted three, five was a compromise - although the companies had to fight hard to get that. In the end it boiled down to 'Either five, or they don't go at all'. The companies also re-negotiated the initial year the toons would be away down to 6 consecutive months. The companies wanted three months, so it was another compromise.

Stating the obvious, none of the toons enjoyed it much. Even the ones who thought they would thrive [Like Donald, Yosamite Sam and other 'tough' toons] found it difficult. Not to say they don't remember some bits of it fondly, mainly the comradeship they found, but for the most part it was hell on earth. After the first lot of Toons who's gone in the first month [about 30, mainly background toons, Prince Florian and Sylvester] came back from the front they looked so pale and ghostlike [visually, a shell of there former selves] that none of the others wanted to go and the companies tried to pull them out of it. [This being near the end of 1943] But they weren't allowed to, so the toons had to go.

The time the toons were fighting was 'only' Jan 1943 - end of war, Sep 1945, and the toons were only there for 6 months, but it was a long, terrifying 6 months.

The weird thing was that after the first initial couple of months while there coulor came back and they looked more life-like again, they seemed okay. Really! They could still act - and act well - they joked with each other in a normal manner and they talked to people. Sure, there were a few of them showing more difficulties adjusting - like Daffy who was acting paranoid and was constantly on the edge and Donald who's already-existing anger issues went through the roof, not to mention Elmer who was mute for a few months after coming back and Pete [Disney] who locked himself away and wouldn't come out, not to mention the at least 30 of background toons who were all showing extreme level of difficultly, but, hey, that was only a couple of toons, right? In the grand scheme of things. The rest of them were fine.

They were not fine.

It took a good couple of years [between 5-10] But eventually the cracks started showing. The Toons who had fought in the war started reacting weirdly to loud noise. Jumping onto the ceiling and refusing to come down, hiding under things and in things [like jugs and cups and cracks in the wall] whenever they thought they were under attack. They were having frequent, intense nightmares and a lot of the toon were displaying mental health issues like paranoia and splitting themselves in two [literally. It depended on the toon as to what exactly the personalities looked like, but as a general guide they'd be one 'young' one from around the time they were first created and another one that was closer to there normal age, but looked and acted completely different. Doctor Scratchesniff theorised it's what the toons worse fears about themselves are, visualised and brought to life.]

The toons were also having flashbacks to the war, which is bad enough on its own, but because they're toons the flashbacks literally engulfed them and whoever was near, drawing them into a world that they hadn't been in for about five-ten years. This, as you can probably imagine, was quite a major problem so the three major studios - Disney, Warner Bros's and Hanna-Barbera - put there heads together and came up with a solution, and that solution came in the form of Doctor Scratchensniff. [I do have a separate headcanon on him, covered in my 'Mental-Health' headcanon] The idea was that D.S. would work across all three studios and have enhanced toon powers.

While it's well known that a lot of Toons have been affected by the war, I'll go through a few of the toons that [I headcanon] have had the most noticeable difficulties after the war.

Daffy - He now goes back and forth between his 40's characterisation [screwball, Clampett version] and his greedy-jerkass characterisation in later years. The way it works is he will be the 'sensible' persona of the Greedy Daffy for most of the year [who, for all his faults, does care about his friends/family and can take care of Plucky easily], then he will suddenly switch back to his 40's persona. [Who, although he does still care for his friends/family, he can't express it as well and he has NO IDEA who Plucky is.]

After a bit of help and counselling from D.S. he has identified his major triggers [and Daffy has informed the rest of the LT's so they're aware of them]. For example, flying a plane will instantly put him back in the 40's mindset. For a time it was flying in general that put him in the mindset [which was fun when the LT's went to Australia] but now Daffy's okay with it and can manage small journeys easily. Longer journeys he struggled with, but he simply doesn't go on long plane journeys.

He also doesn't like Toons taller than himself getting in his face, [much taller, I mean. Bugs is alright.] He'll go into 'Fight' mode and try to attack them. Non-expected loud sounds like a car backfiring or fireworks can also remind him of war. Daffy's reaction when he hears something that he's not sure of what it is, it to try and find it and attack it. Either that or he would teleport away to a small space [like a jug, under a staircase or a crack in the wall] and not come out until Avery/Elmer/Porky calmed him down. [Bugs does try, but Daffy tends to get more wound up whenever Bugs tries anything, so the rabbit had to stop.]

Donald - I'm not going to spend long on Donald, mainly because his issues have [I'm fairly certain] been touched on in canon? His triggers are a lot like Daffy's except that Donald is MUCH more likely to try and attack anything he thinks is a threat rather than run away from it. He has inadvertently hurt [both physically and mentally] people he cares about by doing this, but they understand the reason why. Doesn't necessary make it easier, but they understand.

The main difference between him and Daffy though is that Donald has always wanted help. Ever since he realised he was hurting the people he loved, he wanted help. He had time off from work, Scrooge stepped in and insisted Donald and the boys move in with him so he didn't have to worry about a roof over his head and getting food and stuff. [Unfortunately this genuine well-meant, kind act only added to Donald's general feeling of uselessness]

The good news was that not only did Donald have extended family support, but he was best friends with Mickey and Goofy. Mickey was able to lean in Walts ears and convince him to treat Donald more leniently than he might have other toons, he also did his best to help Donald come to terms with what had happened to him during the war. Goofy could - in theory - do a lot less than Mickey, but he WAS more available and completely willing to take the boys off him for a couple of hours/days/weeks if needed. Goofy can cook - and cook well - so he'd bring food over for Donald so that if [as happened often] he didn't feel like cooking he'd have something ready to heat up/put in the oven.

Elmer - Some of the toons when they were put in charge of there units got on quite well, in that they had men who were willing to listen to them, and treated them kindly. Elmer's troop wasn't like that. He was very young when he was sent there [8] and was still more like Egghead. A bit silly, a bit hyper and not as hard as he needed to be. He cried the first time he went into battle and had a lot of trouble trying to gain the respect of his men. This has had a knock-on effect in that he thought everyone around him hated him and didn't like him. Even when he went back to Toontown, he just thought all his friends/family were being nice to him because they had to, not because they genuinely liked him.

Over many years Elmer has come to accept this isn't true and has been in therapy with D.S. in order to discuss it further. On a different note the main immediately noticeable difference upon coming back from war [aside from the fact he was mute for about two months] was that he started sleepwalking. His sleep had never been great at the best of times, but the war gave him such bad nightmares that he hardly ever slept. When he did eventually get to sleep, he started sleepwalking. Elmer being Elmer somehow didn't notice this at first? He thought it was completely normal [?] to start the night in your bed and wake up in Toon-World Australia having somehow swam his way across the ocean and hacked his way through the Australian outbacks to the middle off Australia, while asleep. He then had to spend several days trying to get back to Looney-Tune Street. With this in mind, it was really only a matter of time until it was noticed by the others.

They do there best to look out for him, if one of the LT's see Elmer sleepwalking, they will follow him/go with him and try to look after him. It should be noted though that despite the fact Fudd is clearly asleep, he is somehow aware of his surroundings and should someone attack him he will fight back and, most times, win.

[haidyn-reeves]

The Thought of Losing You

Summary: This is my spin on 14.02 (Gods and Monsters) and 14.11 (Damaged Goods). 

Prompt: “The thought of losing you scares the shit out of me.”

Pairing: Dean x Female!Reader

Warnings: Season 14 spoilers. Lots of profanity, lots of angst, dollop of fluff.

Word Count: 5,315

A/N: This is my entry for Sabrina @winchesterxfamilybusiness​‘s 250 Followers Writing Challenge! This was my first time writing for Supernatural and ever posting anything I’ve ever written. I hope you like it!

Y/N knew she wasn’t supposed to fall in love with Dean Winchester, but her brain and her heart weren’t exactly on the same page.

There were only so many times she could watch the man she loved and idolized sacrifice himself as if his own life was meaningless. Every time she lost Dean, the pain became more and more unbearable. She grew up alongside the Winchesters, her grandfather being one of the men John Winchester learned his tricks and skills from when he was younger. His dying wish was for John to protect her, and when he passed years later, that duty was passed down to Sam and Dean. The pair didn’t mind, she was family to them. Sam liked being a big brother to someone for a change, and Dean welcomed the days when she would spend time with them so he had someone other than Sam to hang out with. 

It was safe to say Y/N had been there through everything. She was there when Sam died and when Dean made the crossroads deal. She was there when the hellhounds dragged him to hell and when he made his miraculous return months later. She watched the Mark of Cain change him in ways she never imagined, and then hid from his demon alter-ego when he tried to kill her and Sam in the bunker. 

The point is, she was there for every high and low, and she wasn’t sure she had the capacity to handle another low.

In the most cliche turn of events, Y/N developed feelings for the older brother over time. How could she not? He looked after her more than her own father the majority of the time. She idolized him from a young age, thought he was so cool, felt the most at ease around him. Dean was always there and Y/N had no choice but to fall for him, and hard. Of course, in another cliche fashion, she couldn’t dare tell him. He was her best friend and he certainly could do better than what she had to offer. 

The most recent predicament was Michael, the Archangel from another universe who wormed his way into their world with Lucifer. Selfishly, Y/N was relieved when their world’s Michael stopped trying to convince Dean to be his vessel and the angels stopped pursuing him, though she felt bad for Adam. She never imagined she’d find herself in this situation: Dean, saying yes to this new Michael, in order to save his brother and Jack from Lucifer.

Dean dismissed her when he sent Bobby and Mary to the garage. She begged him to let her stay, to let her help, and of course not to do anything stupid, but Bobby pulled her away as soon as Dean’s jaw clenched and that look crossed his handsome face. Usually she could win, that look would fade and he’d be putty in her hands. In that moment, she was scared of him, because the look resembled the murderous glare his demon self threw her way seconds before narrowly missing her with that forsaken hammer.

When Sam and Jack returned to the bunker without Dean, Y/N’s heart stopped and her breath hitched in her chest, a clockwork reaction any time something terrible happened to him. 

“N-no,” she whimpered, looking at Sam through blurry eyes as the tears threatened to fall.

“I’m so sorry,” he muttered, finding it hard to watch her break over his brother yet again. “Michael…he tricked him and…”

“He disappeared,” Jack sighed. The room began to spin as the dizziness washed over Y/N. She fumbled in place, clutching the back of the chair in front of her at the war table, Sam rushing to her side and gathering her into his arms. 

“We’re gonna find him honey,” he whispered, though he wasn’t sure if he was trying to reassure himself or her. He squeezed her tighter as she sobbed into his flannel, wishing he could do more. He wasn’t Dean, he didn’t have the same connection with her as his brother did, and he hated that there was nothing more he could do for her. 

That was almost two months ago.

Over the last nearly eight weeks, Y/N battled between wanting to go out and look for Dean and succumbing to the intense sadness and anxiety over the loss of the older Winchester. She knew she should be out there looking for him, helping Sam, Mary and Bobby. She wasn’t sleeping, and when she did she was plagued with dreams of Michael torturing Dean, because that was all she could think about during the day. She snapped at Jack when she overhead him talking to Castiel in the kitchen during one of the few times she left her room for food. As soon as she heard the words “Dean doesn’t matter” leave the nephilim’s lips, she was at his throat.

“How dare you,” she began, her voice low and shaking as the anger pulsated through her veins. “How dare you say that, considering you wouldn’t fucking be here if not for Dean. He’s done nothing but protect you and give you a home, and you go and say he doesn’t matter? That is his body. He is a prisoner in his own body. He’s trapped in there-“

“Y/N-“ Castiel started. Y/N whipped her head around, glowering at the vessel before her.

“NO, Cas. What he said was un-fucking-called for.” She turned back to the nephilim, disappointment and anger evident on her face. “Look, kid. The world would not be the way it is right now if not for Dean fucking Winchester. He may not matter to you, but he sure as hell matters to me.”

Since then, Jack kept his distance. He never saw Y/N as upset as she was in that moment, and he still didn’t understand why she was so mad at him, because in his mind, he was right. Michael was the enemy, Michael needed to go, Dean be damned.

Sam was growing more and more concerned for Y/N as time went on without any sign of Dean. He knew she wasn’t sleeping, having been the one to wake her from her nightmares and stay with her until she drifted back into a restless sleep, if her mind even allowed it.

“You don’t have to stay with me,” she mumbled one morning when Sam brought her a mug of tea. “I know you want to be out looking for him.”

“I’m leaving in a little bit, do you want to try and come with me?” She shook her head, her eyes again welling up with tears. How she had any left was beyond her. “Its okay, honey. You should try and rest anyway. You’ve had a rough few weeks-“

“But I’m a hunter, Sam. I know better than to act like this. I should be out there looking for him, he’d do the same if it was me-“

“You may be a hunter, but that doesn’t mean you’re not human, Y/N/N. You still have feelings, emotions, and we both know you have very…specific feelings towards Dean. This wasn’t a hunt gone wrong, Dean is missing and you’re hurting because you love him. What you’re feeling, what you’ve been feeling, that’s heartbreak. It’s crippling and it’s brutal and until he’s back, it’s not gonna go away.”

“What if he doesn’t come back Sam?” She hated how small her voice sounded, she couldn’t even deny her feelings to his face. At this rate, every additional body in the bunker had to know she was in love with Dean.

“He’s Dean. He’s died, been dragged to hell…he’s not gonna let some dick angel keep him away from us.” Y/N nodded weakly. “Are you going to tell him?”

“Sam-“

“You have to tell him, Y/N. He has a right to know, he needs to know, maybe then he’d stop sacrificing himself-“

“Your brother wouldn’t know what to do with himself-“

“True, but he’d be happy, with you. He adores you. He deserves to be happy.” Y/N tilted her head to the side, eyebrows cocked. “You know I’m right.”

“We’ll see.”

Sam sighed, pecking her forehead before getting off the bed. “I’m gonna head out, you need anything, you call, yes?” She nodded. “Be good, no yelling at any nephilims today.”

“He deserved it-“

“I know.”

One of the things Y/N wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to was the amount of people now residing in the bunker since coming from the other world. She missed the peace and quiet, but she was extra thankful that her bedroom, like Dean’s, was tucked away from the action. Sure, the bunker was large enough to accommodate the newcomers, and they were all quickly catching on as new hunters, but she longed for the days when the bunker was more of a secret hideaway, not a community center.

In the time Dean was gone, Y/N treated his room like the West Wing. She made sure no one besides herself or Sam ever went in, on the days she got out of bed anyway. Her room was down the hall from his, and since the hallway was generally empty, she could immediately hear when someone was entering his room. The door had a slight creak when it pushed open slowly enough, but Dean insisted he liked it. It sounded “homey.” So when she heard that familiar creak and knew Sam wasn’t home yet, her body was out of her bed and moving down the hall before her mind could register she was even upright. Her feet carried her to the door with the pretty golden eleven, finding it open. She felt her blood run cold as she stepped over the threshold of the room, ready to deliver a verbal beating to whoever dared enter this room of all rooms, before her breath hitched in her chest and she found herself staring at the back of the man she was waiting for.

“D-Dean?”

His shoulders visibly relaxed at the sound of her voice and he turned around, his olive eyes welling up with tears as he took in the sight of her. She was clutching the doorway, her body swimming in his red flannel, dark circles under her pretty eyes as she choked out a sob upon seeing him before her.

“Hi sweetheart,” he whispered, opening his arms as she flung herself forward, crashing against his chest. Her body again shook with sobs as she clutched at the white dress shirt adorning his shoulders, her face buried into the middle of his chest. His arms wrapped around her as he struggled between squeezing her against him and holding her fragile body against his own. Her sobs were muffled screams and he cringed, hating that once again he was the reason she was breaking this badly. He finally allowed his tears to flow and soon he was crying into her hair while trying to calm her down.

“You miss me?” He asked some moments later once her breathing returned to normal and her body stopped shaking.

“No,” she weakly deadpanned, still morphed into his chest. His fingers danced up and down her spine in gentle patterns as he chuckled, placing a kiss to the top of her head. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know, he just…left.”

“He better fucking stay gone,” she growled, “or at least find a new vessel. Got a few ideas.” Dean laughed softly and she pulled back to look up at him, raising her eyebrows. “You think I’m joking?”

“No ma’am.” 

She glared at the term, her eyes growing wide. “Why didn’t Sam call me to tell me he found you?”

“Surprise?” He grinned sheepishly. “He said you were probably resting and didn’t want to wake you. He…he told me how you’ve been the last few weeks and sweetheart, I’m not upset. I’m upset at how much of a toll this took on you but I’m not upset that you weren’t looking for me.”

“I’m sorry Dean, I wanted to-“

“I know, Y/N. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I understand. You were struggling, I couldn’t expect you to push yourself.”

She looked down, still feeling embarrassed over the situation. “I’m sorry for barging in, too. I thought someone was in here that wasn’t you and I got so upset-“

“It’s okay,” he smiled, “I half expected you to be in here waiting for me.”

She blushed and Dean grinned, hugging her to him again. “You probably want some alone time, I should let you get settled in but I really don’t feel like leaving your side at the moment.”

“I’m gonna take a quick shower and I’ll be right back, okay? Promise.” His green eyes were boring into her own, his words serious as the rolled off his tongue. She nodded and he smiled gently, kissing her head again before grabbing his clothes and heading down the hall towards the large communal bathroom.

While Y/N waited, Dean let the hot water run down his tired body, scrubbing his skin raw as he tried to get any trace of the Archangel off of him. He didn’t understand why Michael suddenly left the way he did, but he wasn’t about to get his hopes up that he had seen the last of the celestial being. He stood under the water as his own tears of frustration fell from his eyes. He was angry that he was taken advantage of, tricked into being the vessel for more than he bargained for. He hated feeling like a prisoner in his own body, own mind, not knowing exactly what was going on around him as Michael took control. He missed his brother, his girl, even if she wasn’t officially his. Y/N was everything to him, and after some convincing on his part, Sam revealed that he was everything to her as well. It happened on the drive home when he realized she wasn’t with Sam, and he immediately panicked thinking something had happened to her.

“She’s at the bunker, Dean. She…she hasn’t been doing well.”

“What’s wrong with her?” He breathed, his body going rigged on the passenger’s side of the bench seat.

“She’s just been taking your…disappearance the hardest out of everyone. She doesn’t sleep, she barely eats, she bit Jack’s head off.”

“What did he do?” Sam didn’t want to repeat the words Jack had uttered, because in truth, they pissed him off as well. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words and cause Dean more hurt, he carried enough pain already.

“He said something she didn’t like, honestly he deserved it. She was defending you.” Dean blushed softly, picturing Y/N turning into the spitfire she could be, all because of him. “You know Dean…”

Dean looked at his brother, confused, “Sammy?”

“I shouldn’t,” Sam stopped himself, knowing he was about to break Y/N’s trust.

“You already started.”

“It wouldn’t be fair to Y/N.”

“I won’t say anything, just tell me.”

“She…the reason she was so bad the last few weeks, is because she loves you. Has feelings for you. And you being gone, not knowing where you were, it visibly was destroying her.”

Dean’s eyes widened and his heartbeat sped up in his chest. “She can’t-“

“Why not? Haven’t you seen the way she looks at you, man? She looks at you like you hung the damn moon for her.”

Dean shook his head. “Loving me comes with a price, one she shouldn’t have to pay. It puts a target on her back and she doesn’t deserve that.”

“Dean, it’s pretty obvious you feel the same way she does, you’re being ridiculous. She makes you happy, man. You deserve something good, and Y/N is good.”

Dean wasn’t going to act on this new information, not until he knew Michael was done with him, for good. He couldn’t stomach Y/N hurting over him anymore. Once he knew Michael didn’t have a use for him any longer, he could approach her about the mutual feelings between them. Of course Dean reciprocated them. How could he not? Y/N was beautiful, funny, intelligent. She was everything he could hope for, plopped into his life all those years ago. He raised her to be the third best hunter in the world. She was perfect for him, but he couldn’t put her in danger by simply loving her back.

For a little while, things seemed to be looking up, which was consequently never a good sign when it came to the Winchesters. Just when they thought Michael was possibly out of their lives, he snuck back in and invaded Dean’s personal space all over again. With help from Sam, Y/N and Cas, he was able to take control and lock Michael away in his mind. The problem was, Dean felt like there was a toddler banging on a drum set living in his head. Michael was constantly making a racket, leaving Dean with a perpetual headache while he tried to block out Michael’s incessant demands to be let out of the “cage” Dean locked him away in. It was during this time that Dean made the painful decision to never act on his feelings for Y/N. He wasn’t sure how long he’d survive with Michael taking up residency in his mind, nor did he have any way of knowing that Michael wouldn’t hurt her. 

Sam and Y/N became suspicious when Dean decided he wanted to visit Mary, alone. Since being back, Dean rarely had alone time, though if he was being honest, he didn’t mind at all. In fact, he welcomed the company. Company kept his mind off the tenant upstairs. He spent most of his time resting before Sam decided he could go back out on hunts, and resting usually meant cuddling with Y/N and watching copious amount of Netflix. He was struggling, but he wanted to make sure she was okay as well.

Y/N was reluctant to let Dean go visit Mary alone. When she expressed her concerns for the older Winchester to Sam, Sam agreed that something wasn’t right and the pair decided to make their own drive to Donna’s cabin. 

Which is how Sam and Y/N found themselves standing across from Dean in Donna’s shed, an ominous metal coffin of sorts on the workbench before them.

“What the hell is this?” Y/N asked, her eyes fixed on Dean.

“This is how I’m going to get rid of Michael,” Dean explained, failing to make eye contact in return.

“This isn’t what I think it is,” Sam glowered, beginning to understand what his brother was getting at.

“Someone better explain what the hell this is,” Y/N urged, agitated.

“This is a Ma’lak Box,” Dean began, Sam sighing in anger. “It’s warded to keep an angel inside…including an Archangel.”

“Okay…so how are you gonna get Michael into the box?” Y/N asked, oblivious to the elephant that was in the shed.

“Michael is…inside me. In order to get Michael into the box, I have to get in,” Dean muttered.

“NO!”

“Its the only way-“ 

“BULLSHIT. There is ALWAYS another way!”

“NO THERE ISN’T,” Dean yelled back, “I can feel him breaking free. I can’t hold him much longer, this is the only way, Billie showed me-“

“Dean, we can figure this out. There has to be something else,” Sam tried to reason with his brother. “What happens when you’re in?”

“The plan is to be dropped into the Pacific and buried-“

“The fuck you will,” Y/N seethed. “NO. You’re not doing this.”

“This is why I didn’t tell either of you, you’re the only ones who could try and talk me out of it.”

“So you were just going to disappear again? Be buried alive without a goodbye? Expect us to be okay with this?” Sam was amazed at how dense Dean could be sometimes.

“I said my goodbyes back at the bunker,” Dean sighed. Y/N was staring at him in horror, still trying to process that once again, she’d be losing Dean, but this time for good. Dean looked at her and cringed. “Please say something.”

“You stupid son of a bitch,” she fumed. “You’re so hellbent on sacrificing your own life for the greater fucking good because you’re convinced your life doesn’t mean anything. Well guess what! Your life may not mean something to you but it means everything to me. You don’t have to do this, we can find another way. Fuck what Billie has to say, there is no way this ends with you buried at the bottom of the fucking ocean.”

“I have to do this-“

“No, you don’t,” Sam argued. “We can find something else Dean, anything else, something that keeps you alive, with us.”

“Do you think I want to do this? To either of you? I HAVE to do this. I don’t have a choice-“

“YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE. YOU TAUGHT ME THAT,” Y/N screamed, the anger simmering under her skin.

“Look, I’m not exactly looking forward to this, okay? I’ve made up my mind, you both need to accept it.”

“We…we have to accept it? Accept that you’re going to be buried in this…this box…with a murderous archangel hitching a ride in your head? Are you out of your mind?” Y/N was amazed at how Dean was so calm about this. “You expect Sam to just let you go? I clearly don’t mean enough to you for you NOT to do this but at least think of your brother.”

“You know that’s not true,” Dean groaned.

“Could’ve fooled me,” she spat, rolling her eyes.

“This won’t solve anything,” Sam barked, shooting a glare to both of them. “You’re not getting in the box, we’ll figure something else out but right now, this discussion is over.”

“You think this is up for debate, Sammy? It’s not-“

“I said, this discussion is over. We will have this conversation when we get home, when we can get Jack and Cas’ input-“

“Oh yeah, let’s clue the nephilim in to the plan,” Y/N snarled, “after all, Dean matters oh so much to him anyway.”

“Excuse me?” Dean glared.

“Forget it,” she mumbled, “I need some air.” She turned on her heel and left the shed, the sight of the box now making her stomach turn. She made her way back to the cabin, hiding around the back out of sight before she allowed herself to slide down the wall into a fit of angry tears. Dean was going to leave her, again, and this time he couldn’t come back. How was she ever going to live with that? Knowing he was at the bottom of the ocean, alone in a box with an Archangel to torment him for the rest of his days? How could she possibly move on from that?

Back in the shed, Sam was pacing. “You’re not doing this,” he decided, pausing his movements to look at his brother. “You can’t do this. Not to me, not to her, not to Mom-“

“I’m doing it to protect you, all of you,” Dean argued. “If I lock Michael away, he can’t hurt any of you or cause more damage to anyone else.”

“This will kill her,” Sam warned, his voice quieter now. “Dean, you can’t-“

“This is what’s best. This is my decision and I’m sticking to it.”

Y/N decided against the wall of Donna’s cabin that she was done. She reached the end of her rope, her patience run bone dry. If Dean wasn’t going to listen to any voices of reason, she was going to make damn sure she would be okay. She could ask Rowena for a spell, something to make her forget she ever loved Dean Winchester. She refused to be a broken shell all over again because he left her, this time willingly. She would take care of herself the way he taught her to.

She emerged from behind the cabin to find the brothers walking out of the shed, Sam looking visibly distraught as he watched Dean head towards the cabin. Dean’s gaze fell on her but she refused to meet his eyes. If she was going to take care of herself, step one was creating distance, putting an end to the bond between them. Dean moved to walk towards her and she stepped back, eyes still on anything but him.  He stopped in his tracks, shoulders falling before he straightened up again, refusing to show any weakness over his decision.

The ride back to the bunker was silent. Y/N wasn’t speaking to either brother, but if she had to, she spoke to Sam. Dean was trying to ignore how hurt he was, but he had to remind himself that this was for the best. He thought she could understand that.

A few days went by and Y/N was avoiding Dean as much as humanly possible. When Sam received word of Donatello, she decided to hang back and make sure the new hunters had a leader while the brothers were out taking care of business. Sam didn’t argue with her, knowing she needed her space from his brother.

When they arrived back in the safety of the bunker, days later, Y/N retreated to her room, going through her things and removing anything of Dean’s from her drawers. She wanted to do it when they first got back from the cabin retreat, but her body physically wouldn’t let her, not yet. Any flannels, shirts, anything she ever wore of his was going back to his room. She didn’t want anything of his around to remind her of him later. She carried the few shirts to his room, barging in and dumping them on his bed.

“What are you doing?” he asked, staring at the pile before him.

“Don’t want them anymore. They’ll just remind me of you when you’re gone, you know, buried and all.”

Dean winced at her words. Reality was starting to sink in, that maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t such a good idea, not if it meant a rift between him and his best girl. “Y/N please, we need to talk about this-“

“I think you’ve said enough.”

“I can’t have you hating me, sweetheart. I can’t lose you, not yet. The thought of losing you scares the shit out of me-“

“Don’t you dare fucking say that to me,” she whispered, sounding much less menacing than she wanted to. “Not when I’m the one constantly losing you.” Dean felt his heart break in his chest as he looked at her, seeing all the pain he’d caused her evident on her pretty face. “And I should be used to it by now, but I’m not.” She looked down at the floor, staring at the marbled tile beneath her feet. “Maybe this is my fault-“

“Y/N no, how-“

“Maybe if I told you the truth you’d change your mind. Told you I loved you, more than I’ve ever loved anyone, maybe then you’d want to stay and find another way.”

“I know,” he breathed. “I know you do.”

Her eyes widened and she looked up at him, her cheeks flushing. “You what?”

“I know how you feel about me,” he murmured. “Sam…I forced it out of him when we drove home after he found me. He was so worried about you and he started to let it slip but I forced him to tell me.”

“So…so you know…that…and you still want to…” her voice trailed off, her words failing her as she stared helplessly at him. 

“I was doing it because of that.” He watched her cringe before he realized his mistake. “Oh God, not like that! I mean, I was doing it because I love you, just as much, but I need to protect you from Michael. I told myself I wouldn’t do anything about this…us…until he was gone, but I don’t know when that will be or if it ever will be. I can’t let you get hurt because of me, not like this. I can’t put that target on you.”

“Dean…I know you think it’s your life’s mission to protect everyone, because John gave you that order to protect Sam, but sacrificing yourself? He’d also want you to live, Dean. You deserve everything good this fucked up world has to offer, Dean Winchester. You think your life means so much less than anyone else’s but that’s not true. You’re so important, Dean. Sam and I wouldn’t be here without you. You’ve saved so many lives, changed so many lives. You think you’re this monster of a man who doesn’t deserve happiness when that’s all you’ve ever deserved. You’ve spent your entire life caring for everyone else and making sure everyone else was okay, but right now, you’re not okay, and you need to let me and Sam take care of you. Let us help you find another way, please Dean.” By now tears were rolling down her cheeks the same way they were rolling down Dean’s. “I have watched you overcome and survive incredible feats. I’ve admired your courage and your strength for as long as I can remember. Please don’t stop fighting now, not yet. You have so much more left to do in this world, Dean. Some dick angel from another world is not going to be how I lose you. The world is better with you in it, MY world is better with you in it.”

Dean’s silent tears turned to choked out sobs as he took in her words. This wasn’t the first time she had to remind him of the good in him, and he hoped it wouldn’t be the last. Sam had already gotten to him before they drove home and made him see that there could be another way, that he couldn’t give up, that wasn’t what the Winchesters did. 

“Oh Dean,” she whispered, enveloping him in her arms as he cried, his face buried against her shoulder. She rubbed his back softly as she cried with him, his arms wrapping around her tightly, scared of letting her go.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked, “I’m sorry you’re constantly getting hurt by me-“

“No. It is not your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’m not doing it,” he whispered, his breath hot against her neck. “Sammy…he helped me see how wrong I was…and you…I can’t leave you. Not like that. I love you so much, sweetheart, I’m so sorry for putting you through that-“

“Dean Winchester, if you ever try to pull something like that again…”

“I know,” he nodded. “I’m so sorry baby. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“How?” She asked, Dean lifting his head from her shoulder.

“I don’t know, but I’ll spend the rest of my life figuring it out.”

Y/N blushed, fighting the grin that was spreading across her lips. “You could start with a kiss.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” he chuckled, cupping her cheeks in his hand and wiping the remaining tear drops away with his thumbs. He looked into her eyes, watching the way they sparkled as they stared back into his own. He smiled, leaning down to softly connect his lips with hers. She all but cried as she moved her lips with his, her arms wrapping back around his middle.

“Sammy was right,” he chuckled once he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers.

“About what?”

Dean smirked, “You really do look at me like I hung the moon.”

“Oh bite me, Winchester.”

[sinnamonrolle]

[ the little moments ] ♡ Lucifer

2 - That moment when Lucifer saw you napping in the common room.

✿ part of a series now! ✿

❀  gender neutral reader  ❀

“I’ll be claiming the common room.”

Lucifer’s voice, hushed and firm, drifts its way over to you where you’re curled up on the sofa. Still lingering between the boundary of sleep and wakefulness, you keep your eyes closed, attempting to fall back asleep. It’s been a long and difficult week of all nighters and chugging caffeine, and you have absolutely no energy left in you to bother with anything else except sleep. 

The door closes with a soft click, and then muted footsteps head your way, nearly drowned out by the crackling of the fireplace. Warmth licks at your side, and you can feel yourself dozing off again, soothed by the flickering of the fire and the smooth scent of Lucifer’s cologne as he stops near you. 

There’s ruffling before something warm covers you. You snuggle into the fluffy fabric, relishing in the lingering heat. Sighing, you realize that it smells like Lucifer. Softer, but it’s the same spicy smell that you love. 

A gloved hand gently brushes your hair from your forehead. Leather, you absentmindedly thought. It’s warm. When chapped lips touch where your hair once was, your eyes flutter open, your sight filled with blurred red and black. Lucifer’s coat is wrapped around you, tucked in at sides, and the man himself is in front of you, adoration softening the lines between his brows. 

“Sleep,” he murmurs against your forehead, pressing another fleeting kiss before he draws away to the other end of the sofa. He crosses his leg, and he’s already back to work, a pile of paperwork stacked on the coffee table and pen in hand. With the sleep fading from your eyes with every blink, you can see his shoulders tense, no longer hidden by the coat he always wore. The crinkle between his brows are back, and in that moment, he looks battered, worn out, and just so so exhausted. 

He needs the sleep more than you do. 

“Lucifer,” you say. He doesn’t turn, eyes focused on the text in front of him. His hand fumbles with the pen.  

You clench his coat, bringing it closer to you. “Lucifer,” you say again, with more firmness as you scoot down the sofa. When you’re basically right next to him, your knees touching his thighs, he faces you, hand squeezing the pen before letting it rest on the papers in his lap.

“Go back to sleep,” he says, but you don’t listen. You reach out from underneath the coat to cup his face with gentle fingers, eyes tracing the dark lines underneath his eyes that his magic failed to cover. His skin is way too pale, almost sickly, and his eyes, which once burned with the intensity of the sun, are dim. The fire reflects itself against the black of his irises, only a thin ring of scarlet circling his pupils. Your heart sinks when you realize how cold he is.

“Why did you give me your coat when you’re freezing?” you ask, pulling away to give his coat back to him when he stops your hands with his own. His gloved hands, warm unlike his face, held your hands against his cheeks. Lucifer leans into your touch, half-lidded eyes moving away from your eyes as he kisses your inner wrist, your pulse beating against his lips.

“To keep you warm,” he answers, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I heard you haven’t had a decent night of sleep for some time.”

“But you never do your paperwork in the common room.” Why are you doing it here? The unsaid question echoes in the silence that comes after you speak as his eyes meet yours once again.

“My brothers are noisy.” His voice is soft as the words leave his lips, almost swallowed by the burning fire behind you, but you hear it loud and clear. “I didn’t want them to wake you up.”

It might have been the nap, or the way Lucifer is too tired to give a straight answer, but it takes you a minute to read between the lines. His brothers are noisy, and he didn’t want them to wake you up. So he stayed in the same room as you because they would know better to be loud when he’s working. You would get some peace and quiet that only Lucifer’s presence can bring.

Your heart swells with love; your eyes, with tears. It’s the way he cares for his family, the way he shows his love in his actions, the way that he’s accepted you as his family that has your heart throbbing. You love him so much, gods, so damn much, and he loves you too, in his own way.

Lucifer, who closed himself off with towering, impenetrable walls to protect the shambles the war left him with. Lucifer, who escaped from the servitude of his Father only to sign himself away for eternity to give his sister another chance at happiness. Lucifer, who must be strong and stronger to protect his brothers as they recover from the war, even now as they suffer through nightmares. Lucifer, who only wanted his family to be happy. Lucifer, who’s body is scarred the most, the wounds tender still. Lucifer, who keeps himself busy so that he wouldn’t have the time to remember. Lucifer, Lucifer, Lucifer, who wouldn’t hesitate to burn himself to keep his brothers warm.

At your tears, his eyes widen slightly, a hint of panic in his hands as he carefully wipes away your tears, stamping them out with the leather of his gloves. “Don’t cry.” You could almost hear the “please” that died on his lips, but his eyes said what he couldn’t.

You take his hand, removing the glove so you can feel the warmth of his palm against your cheek. The tips of his fingers are cold, but you don’t care. As you cry, you kiss the middle of his palm where he had a scar, thin but long, hoping that he can feel the love and affection behind it. Lucifer watches you, your eyes filling with tears, lips trembling as you press a kiss to each of his fingers, a promise, a declaration, a hope behind each kiss.

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

You love him, all the good parts that he shows to the world, all the bad parts that he shows behind closed doors, all the parts in between that he doesn’t know how to show. No matter how much he struggles, you’re going to be there for him for the rest of your life. You promise.

“My Morning Star,” you coo, your eyelashes damp with your tears as you press your cheek into his palm. “You light up even the darkest nights. You burn yourself to keep us warm.”

“Only because I want to.” His thumb caresses your cheek, every touch overflowing with his love. In that moment, with his face lit orange by the fire, the roughness melts away, leaving behind only the softer colors and the barest hint of a smile. A smile warmer than any fire. In that moment, you feel yourself falling even more in love.

You shift yourself until you’re curled into Lucifer’s side, reaching over to cover him with his coat too. When you brush away the bangs that always fall into his eyes, he wraps an arm around you. He feels like home, like the hearth, like comfort, like everything right. You fit so perfectly in his arms.

“Let’s take a nap together,” you say, smiling sloppily at him. A smile of a fool in love. “You deserve a break too.”

He brings his head down, resting against yours, and you notice that he’s no longer as cold as before.

“If you insist,” he sighs, but it’s not the tired kind of sigh. It’s the warm, happy kind, the one you make when you’re comfortable and the world is all right for once.

“My Morning Star, let my love keep you warm.”

-------

Masterlist!

[shsldepressedlesbian]

ao3

“komaeda?” he coos softly, but he knows it isn’t enough to even shake the figure beside him. perhaps, subconsciously, he doesn’t want to shake him.

afterall, it’s hard to want to disturb the other’s rest, not when he looks so… peaceful.

it had undoubtedly been a long day- the foundation already had been no stranger to overwork, but this time, it had seemed even more like a drag. it had already been dark by the time hinata had been let off, and accompanying him close by, had been no other than komaeda himself.

when he had asked hinata for a ride, of course he didn’t hesitate to let him. afterall, they usually ended up driving to the apartments together. practical, considering their “roommate” status.

with the long drive and dark sky, hinata couldn’t blame komaeda for passing out. he had already looked exhausted when they met up, even if he had the same “bright” attitude he always had.

he hadn’t even been paying attention until they had finally parked in the driveway, finally turning his head to look at his partner.

hinata has become used to komaeda’s sleeping tendencies. normally, it always looks like he’s merely in a doze- one without movement or sounds, but still. he wouldn’t call it peaceful, usually, and that was especially apparent when komaeda was having a nightmare.

(that’s always the most obvious to tell. hinata had witnessed it quite a few times- his knuckles tight and face white, yet the only movement from him even then was just his faint shivering.)

but the way komaeda was now… hinata couldn’t help but stop and just stare, as though worried he would never be able to see the sight again.

he looked so gentle there, eyes softly shut and head tilted down ever so slightly, as much as his seatbelt would allow. breathing quiet and soft, fitting in with the nightly driveway atmosphere noises.

“pretty” is another word that comes to his mind. it’s an offhand thought, really, but he can’t help but find himself stupid for thinking about it in the first place.

(even if it’s a word he could easily describe komaeda with. everything about him is fundamentally “pretty”- even stuff that really shouldn’t be, like his worryingly pale, thin body, or his cold, almost shaky hands.)

hinata can’t help but lay his chin on the steering wheel of the car, gazing at the man with the corners of his eyes. besides the noises in the background mixed with komaeda’s faint breathing, it’s almost completely silent, and that in itself is comforting.

hinata can already feel his fatigue catching up to him as well- normally he was use to staying up for long nights, and thus wasn’t usually affected by it until he got to his bed, but with just how slow the world feels right now, it’s beginning to catch up to him.

the sight of his sleeping companion isn’t helping either, and hinata wonders if it really would just be nice to pass out alongside him.

...but no, komaeda would definitely wake up before him, and that would lead to just a whole bunch of teasing he’s not sure if he wants to go through.

and so, to keep himself awake, he reverts his full attention to the man in question, who has yet to even move an inch at all. hinata vaguely wonders how long he’ll sleep if he doesn’t wake him up.

this isn’t any kind of slumber he’s seen from komaeda before. not the content kind, or his usual tired, silent kind.

this was different: a gentle kind you would see from a dozing classmate only a seat away from you, looking completely ordinary, like nothing in the world could disturb them.

“ordinary”. “normal”. “domestic”.

perhaps the reason why hinata was looking into it so much was because he found it hard to associate those words with the komaeda he knew. the komaeda who he still barely understood.

he’s because so used to the abnormality of their relationship it had just become his normal. the idea that he’ll have to go his whole life always wondering about the truth of nagito komaeda being something he’s accepted, despite struggling not to.

because, truthfully, he wants to know the truth of nagito komaeda, but something in him also tells him he doesn’t. like a scientist digging into insane theories and timelines that he knows he’ll regret finding the truth of, but still finds it necessary because he wants to know.

the nagito komaeda who had shown him kindness in that simulation. the nagito komaeda who had broken down in front of him and everyone else, becoming this pile of nonsense about “hope” and “ultimates”, such figurative ideas that he had become obsessed with.

(and that once, hinata was obsessed with, to.)

the nagito komaeda who had scorned him the minute he learned the “truth” about hinata.

the nagito komaeda who had left the simulation, who was the manifestation of everything he had been in there.

(and in that way, perhaps he felt a familiar connection with him.)

the nagito komaeda who hinata had desperately tried to hate, but couldn’t find it in himself. the nagito komaeda who had made him feel intense and confusing emotions which he had never felt for anyone else, except for one girl, and even then, it had been so much more simple with her.

this was the nagito komaeda who was sleeping in the passenger seat of his car, sleeping like any ordinary, simple, overworked businessman you would see anywhere on the subway.

it almost makes hinata want to laugh, or even cry.

and yet, despite all of these complicated feelings stirring in his head, all of this that was between them, hinata didn’t want to become the scientist that wasted his whole life on the truth of the forbidden subject, just for it to break him to the point of becoming an alcoholic mess.

his desires to fully understand the komaeda he knew were futile, he knew that. he’d like to think that he’d be able to, someday, with his newfounds “talents”, but only to boost his fragile, non-existent ego.

it’s only fair, isn’t it? afterall, it was already impossible for komaeda himself to understand hinata now. the reserve course, the man who had wasted his life by obsessing over talent ever since he was a child, who signed his life away for a bunch of scientists to get their holds on a teenager, even the man who had been in the simulation, who had first met “komaeda”, was long gone.

replaced by the entity of izuru kamukura, parading the personality and memories of the boy who would never be able to recover himself, no matter how much he clawed at the surgery scars alongside his forehead.

to live a domestic life together, teetering on the edge of something bigger, more sinister, more tragic, something they couldn’t say to each other without risk of losing their holds. that’s what their relationship was destined for, truly.

and yet, would that be bad? a domestic life, even with repressed, dark thoughts, would still be domestic.

the idea of waking up to komaeda every morning, reading together, doing mindless, soft, sappy stuff together, until they were brutally torn apart in each other’s arms by the forces of a supernatural, screwed up thing like “luck”...

even if they would always be in confusion of the other, they would still always understand each other more than anyone else could or would. and surely, that was enough.

there was no such thing as a “perfect relationship” or a “happy ending”. there was only a future, the thing that had always remained as the one truth in this fucked up world, something that was relevant even when they were freaks who were causing it’s destruction.

when all you have is one another, you grow attached to each other.

and that was enough for hinata, despite everything inside him shouting at him that it wasn’t.

i wish that i could sleep like that, he smirks to himself, rising his head from the steering wheel. even through his whole introspection, komaeda had remained as quiet and peaceful as ever.

the only thing that had changed was some soft strands of hair falling into his face, and hinata, finding that they were kind of obscuring his view, hesitantly reached out a hand, gently stroking them behind komaeda’s ear, trying to be careful enough to not wake him.

still holding out his hand, hinata takes a second to just watch komaeda’s face. as calm as ever, and in this state, with the only light illuminating them being the car’s inside one, he was definitely even more pretty than usual.

that idea of waking up every morning to him begins re-entering his mind…

“isn’t it rude to stare, hinata-kun?”

it’s a miracle hinata doesn’t accidentally slap komaeda with how fast he pulls his hand back, straightening up with his eyes widened.

the man who he previously thought was deep in slumber chuckled, though it sounds more breathy than usual, opening his faintly-colored eyes to give hinata an amused look. the man feels his face going red, but furrows his brows.

“you- have you been awake this whole time!?”

as though to answer his question, komaeda yawns, stretching his arms out. he blinks a few times at hinata, as though still trying to wake up.

“oh, no, of course not. just for the past few minutes. when i did wake up, however, you were looking at me so intensely to the point where i could feel it, so i was scared to move, haha!”

“you- that’s-” it’s embarrassing how hinata finds himself stuttering like an awkward high schooler, so he bites his tongue and closes his eyes to regain his posture. it’s hard to do when he hears komaeda laugh at him, that same wheezy sound, but at the very least, he changes the subject.

“ah, i won’t blame you for it, though. rather, it was rude of me to fall asleep in someone else’s car, so i’ll apologise for that.”

“you don’t have to,” hinata immediately jumps on the subject. “today was pretty… tiring, so i don’t blame you either.” he ponders briefly if he should admit to wanting to fall asleep as well, but komaeda continues before he can add anything else.

“tiring, huh?” he murmurs almost to himself, before giggling to himself in the way he does when finding something funny for no reason. “ah, i suppose i can’t deny that.

“though, i am curious…” he looks at hinata with a newfound mix of curiosity and amusement, the suggestive kind that already has him blushing a little. “what hinata-kun could want, staring but not waking me up?”

hinata not so subtly looks away, covering his mouth with his hand to hide some remnants of his expression, though causing his response to be somewhat muffled. “i wasn’t staring. just zoning out. thinking.”

“oho? thinking about what?”

komaeda’s tone is playful enough to make hinata a little peeved, if not a little red. “nothing that you're thinking of, that’s for sure.”

this earns him another, genuine laugh from komaeda, which causes him to glance over to him again. a faint pink is dusting his face, though far from hinata’s more colorful blush. however, this only seems to make his expression, which has some underlying tiredness(most likely the cause of his boldness right now)to it.

“i would hope not, actually,” he muses, tilting his head a little. “i’d much rather sleep the rest of the night away. though, it’d be hard to go against hinata-kun’s desires.”

“oi, i want to sleep as much as you do,” hinata fires back, which gets him another grin from komaeda. it’s contagious, and he finds himself returning it.

“hm, even then,” komaeda leans towards hinata, raising a brow, “i’m sure you want something, right?”

the faux innocence of the question, mixed with that suggestive voice, agitates hinata for no real reason other than how effective it is for him.

komaeda would probably never be able to understand him fully, but he understood enough to get under hinata’s skin. and that itself almost infuriates him. it’s one of the many little things he both hates and adores about him- another conflict over something so simple.

“asshole,” he mutters affectionately, before leaning towards him as well. the only thing he gets is a small absentminded hum from komaeda, which hinata suddenly decides he wants to turn into something much more… gratifying.

it’s a small, soft kiss, but when hinata aims to deepen it, he finds himself confused when komaeda almost immediately pulls away.

his expression is lustful, as it usually is when they do stuff like this, but there’s a sort of a restraint to his eyes and stiffness to his smile. “though, you know, hinata-kun, if there’s something else you want to say, you should say it.”

hinata pauses, perplexed, before finally registering what he had said.

of course- komaeda knew there was more to that longing staring, to that hesitance to give him a solid answer when he had asked about what was on his mind. komaeda knew him best, afterall, and that makes hinata want to shut him up even more so.

yet, to the same degree, the other wasn’t a mind reader. he knew hinata best, yet barely understood his thought process, as did hinata for his.

there is many things hinata wants to say right now, but that’s always the case. always so many questions he wants to ask and so many thoughts to shout out, so much prodding of “what’s happening between us?” and “do you just like toying with me?”.

and yet, he’s come to learn that the only way to keep this peaceful, temporary, gentle lingering going was to not question any of it. to only open it when times for it appear, before it eventually does burst.

he wants this- the peace of being able to sit alone in a quiet car with komaeda, to give casual acts of affection that come as second nature. he doesn’t want to have to say anything, or question anything, between them.

to be in love with nagito komaeda was to be in love with a stranger who you knew every inch of, if only they could have that ‘in love’ part. if only they could have their silly little future together.

“i have nothing to say at all,” he lies, and remedies it with his lips, holding komaeda’s face and allowing him to live in this kind, terrifying ignorance.

[shoutaaizawas]

Can I request a Shinsou villain!au (where he is a hero and reader a villain) with: “how is this my fault?” And if you can choose 2: “do you even love me?”

when i say thank you for this request i really mean it, omg this idea got me so excited.

↳ shinsou hitoshi x reader → falling down

event: au prompts summary: it was just a mission, get close to shinsou and get information. how did it ever get this far? word count: 2.6k+ tags/warnings: angsttt, i’m sorry, but it has a happy ending a/n: wow this got out of hand but i really loved this idea so much. might eventually do a follow up piece.

What if? What if things were simple. If you were a normal woman and he was a normal man. If the biggest problem in your life was picking where to eat for dinner? But things never were that simple were they?

You were a villain that was something you had always been okay with. You had your reasons that you felt justified in being one. The hero association had torn apart your family it was only right that you got your revenge. That’s how you ended up with the league of villains.

What you hadn’t expected was being used as a double agent. They needed information and your face wasn’t known to anyone as a villain. You were the perfect fit.

Shinsou Hitoshi was a risky pick but he would have the best information. So they set it up. It was like a movie, the classic meet-cute. He saves you from a villain attack set up by the League.

The next day you bump into him at the local coffee shop quite literally. Coffee is all over your new shirt and he’s a gentleman. He offers to pay for the shirt and buy you a new coffee even though it was you who bumped into him.

At first, it seems like it might be easy, becoming a part of his life. It’s not hard to get him on a date. No, it’s when you try to get closer. Building that intimacy and trust is not easy.

Shinsou tells you about his childhood, how he struggled with his quirk. People bullying him calling him a villain. How cruel they were to him and how he felt like he could never trust anyone. You could relate to how he felt, you had a similar childhood.

You suppose that’s when things started falling apart. The sting of guilt in your chest surprised you, it had been a long time since you felt bad about anything. You worked hard to burn the guilt out of yourself but you hadn’t worked hard enough evidently. The thought of gaining his trust that was so guarded from the world made you sick. You pushed it down. This was a job. This was for your family.

“The world doesn’t have to be so cruel, you can trust me.” Your guilt was understandable what wasn’t was the fact you wished that they were true.

Slowly but surely he fell for you, any time he had free was with you. Date nights were common but he preferred spending nights at his place cuddled up playing video games with his cat wedged in between you.

“I have a hard time sleeping but when you’re here I have no problem.” He said into your hair as you rested against his chest.

Wrapped up in his arms you felt so safe and loved, listening to his heartbeat. Safe wasn’t something you had felt since you were a child, something that had been taken away from you a long time ago. It was a distant memory.

Since you lost your family you lived on the streets, barely making it through. Stealing was the only way you had been able to survive. When you were a teenager you were thrown into prison for your thievery. What kind of hero saw a starving kid and threw them away?

By the time you got out you had fully realized your purpose in life, the hero association had been the reason for your family's death. Heroes had only every hurt you when you needed help the most. If life wanted you to be a villain then you would be and you’d burn to the ground the organization that had taken so much from you.

Even among villains, you didn’t feel like you fit in. You were constantly watching your back waiting for danger. You had long given up the concept of a safe home where you were cared for.

But laying in Shinsou’s arms was a taste of that life you craved underneath it all. What you wished you had all along. But you were on a mission, he was your target and if he knew the truth about you he would hate you to your core.

A tear ran down your cheek in mourning of the life you’d never have.

Shinsou had gotten hurt at work, you rushed to the hospital and stayed by his side. When they released him and you stayed with him at his apartment helping him while he healed.

His arm had been broken leaving him pretty helpless with things around the house. He protested but you stayed with him cooking for him and cleaning up around the house. It was nice, it felt so unfamiliar and comfortable at the same time.

Sitting on the couch, Shinsou resting between your legs, you softly ran your hand through his hair as you watched TV. He leaned back, looking up at you with gentle eyes.

“Thank you.” He said. “For being here for me.”

“Of course,” You said. “I’ll always be here for you.”

In moments like these, it was easy to forget everything else. To pretend that your life was perfect. The way he looked at you made your head swim, your heart melt. He trusted you, cared about you, maybe even loved you. That made you happy until reality hit and you realized you had him right where the League wanted him.

It had been a perfect night, Shinsou took you out for your six month anniversary. After a nice dinner, he walked you through the park, standing underneath a gazebo lit up he gave you a stunning necklace.

“I just want you to have something that shows just how much I care about you.” He said, looking down into your eyes with his intense purple gaze.

“I-” You were choked up, the emotion in his voice was overwhelming. How you wished that you were normal and this was a normal happy relationship. You were suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to cry but you disguised it as happiness. “I love it, ‘toshi. Thank you.”

Shinsou leaned down wrapping you in his arms and kissing you deeply. You cared about Shinsou Hitoshi far more than you were ever supposed to.

He dropped you off at your apartment and as you walked inside you were met with a familiar face. Dabi.

“Wow, what a beautiful necklace. Your boyfriend must really like you.” He said in a teasing tone. “You looked real comfortable out there kissing him like that, too comfortable if you ask me. I know we picked you to play the part but something tells me your not that good of an actor.” He said circling you.

“It’s none of your business how I get things done.” You shot back. You didn’t like the tone in his voice.

“Which is why I’m here, what information do you have?” He asked.

You had been able to gather a small amount snooping around his place. It wouldn’t be enough to satisfy the league but it would keep them at bay for now.

“I’ll be leaving but a word of advice. I wouldn’t get too invested if you ever feel like running away to play house forever with your purple boy it would be very unfortunate for the both of you.” He threatened as he stepped out the door. You wanted to yell at him but that would only further his suspicion.

But one thing was true, you were in too deep. You loved Shinsou Hitoshi.

This was bad. You had been on another task for the League, it was supposed to be simple but everything went sideways. Shinsou had been there and now he was chasing you down.

He didn’t know it was you, of course. Your villain costume kept your face and hair hidden away but if he caught up to you. If he found out who you were- No. You wouldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t know. You could imagine his hurt expression and it made you sick. You had to get away.

Thankfully you had an advantage, you knew how is quirk worked. You knew to keep your mouth shut no matter what you heard so you’d avoid his mind control. That didn’t get rid of the fact that he was athletic, more athletic than you it seemed because he was gaining on you.

Turning down an alleyway you hoped to lose him but he followed and unfortunately for you it was a dead end. You prepared to scale the wall in front of you buy your foot was caught and you slammed into the ground as he pulled you back with his capture weapon.

“Gotcha.” He said as he approached you with a confident smile, his mask resting around his neck. The capture weapon was now wrapped around your waist, pinning your arms to your side as he got closer.

You struggled, desperate to get away. This couldn’t happen. No, this was the nightmare you had been having for months now.

Shinsou now stood over you looking down at you.

“Now let’s get rid of this.” He said grabbing at the edges of your mask.

“No-” You screamed out but it was too late. The mask was pulled up, leaving your face bare and your identity out.

Shinsou’s eyebrows drew together, eyes wide, and mouth open. The look of confusion, then denial, then heartbreak.

“You-” He stuttered out. “No, this isn’t right.”

“’Toshi, I swear I can explain.” You begged, tears welling up in your eyes.

“Don’t call me that.” His tone was biting, you had never heard him so upset much less have it directed at you. “You’re a villain-” He started then stopped as if he couldn’t wrap his mind around what was happening.

“I never wanted to hurt you.” You tell him, suddenly you wished all of the times you doubted what you were doing you had stopped and told him the truth. Told him what happened, why you did everything, how you wanted to leave your life behind and start a new life with him.

“You didn’t want to hurt me!?” He yells and you flinch. “You were using me? You work with the League, don’t you?”

“They wanted information. They assigned me to get it.” You say softly, it makes you sick admitting it to him.

You never wanted it to come to this but in hindsight what else was going to happen? People like you didn’t get happy endings no matter how much they wanted them.

“I was just a mission for you.” He says almost in disbelief. “It trusted you. You listened to me pour out my heart time after time and you played the part of the perfect girl and fed me lies!”

“You weren’t supposed to be so nice.” You start. “Heroes are evil, that’s all I’ve ever know since I was a kid. The hero association tore apart my family, heroes punished me for trying to survive. They’re all monsters.”

Tears are burning in your eyes now, your breaths heavy as emotion overwhelms you.

“But then I met you and I thought you were just good at hiding it.” You continue. “But you weren’t, you were genuinely good. You care about people and helping them. I hated heroes so much but every single day you tore that hate down with everything you did. If you weren’t so selfless and kind. Why did you have to make me question everything I ever thought about the world?!”

Tears are running down your face now. Your world had been turned upside down by Shinsou Hitoshi. You knew what the world looked like but after knowing him you questioned everything.

“How is this my fault?” He asks, using everything in him to not let his tears fall. He takes a shaky breath in trying to process your words. “Tell me this, did you even love me?”

“I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you.” You said through your tears. “But everything I said to you, I meant. Every bad day I helped you through. Every touch, every hug, every kiss. I meant it all.”

Shinsou stares at you and you can tell he’s trying to decide if your lying or not.

“What made you hate heroes so much?” He asks, trying to keep his tone even. “Please tell me you have a good reason, I can’t bear thinking the woman I fell in love with is some thoughtless monster.”

Fell in love with? The statement makes your heart flutter than drop. He loved you. Loved. There was no way he could love you after everything you did to him. The betrayal you left him with.

“My parents were heroes. They got in too deep with the commission and when they disapproved they were killed for it. They put me in a foster home but they were cruel. I ran away grew up on the streets but I had to steal to stay alive. I hated it so much but I was so hungry.” It’s hard not to tear up more remembering your childhood. “When a hero caught me I was thrown in jail. When I was in there I realized that I didn’t want to be a good person, I wanted revenge. So I joined the League to do that and then they assigned me to this…”

Shinsou’s eyes had softened over the course of your story.

“I’m sorry.” He said, his voice thick with emotion as he kneeled down to get to your level. The capture weapon around you loosened but you didn’t move a muscle. “You didn’t deserve any of that. It’s not fair.”

“I promise you, everything I felt with you it was real. Everything I said to you about how I felt I meant it. I’ve never loved someone, I’ve never felt so safe around another person. I’m so sorry for hurting you, I’m a monster. I don’t know how to make it up to you.” You cry, looking down.

What you don’t expect is the soft hand at your chin pulling your gaze up.

“You had a hard life. Most people would make the same choices you did. That’s behind you, if you want to change you can.” He said. You didn’t believe his soft tone. “If you leave everything behind, the League, your revenge, I’ll help you. We can deal with what happened to your parents the right way, were no innocents get pulled into it.”

“W-Why? Why would you help me after everything I did to you?” You ask.

“I love you,” His words make your heart skip a beat. “I want to help you and I will but only if you promise me you’ll turn away from it all.”

“That’s all I wanted.” You say, tears running down your face yet again. “I just never thought you could forgive what I’ve done.”

“I forgive you, just don’t do it again.” He teases with a smirk. You let out a laugh that sounds more like a sob.

“Thank you.” You sob reaching forward to hug him. Burying your face into his shoulder as you wrap your arms around his neck. “Thank you so much.”

His arms circle around you pulling you even closer. One hand holding the back of your head.

“I love you.” He says. You look up at him with watery eyes, tears leftover in his as well.

“I love you so much.” You tell him. He leans forward catching your lips in a kiss.

As he holds you in that alleyway it hits you. Things are going to be okay, they may not be easy but you know Shinsou will be by your side through it all. You know that you’ll get the safety you craved, the loving home you always desired. And that’s how you know it’ll all turn out alright.

[storysofmyown]

Obey me! The passing of time

Plot: One by one, the brothers start to notice how Mc changes as time goes by.

Warning: None that I can think of

Word Count:2480 words

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It started slow, very slow. You never noticed, of course you didn't. For you, this was something entirely normal but for the demons, it wasn't. After all, they could live for millenniums without suffering much but a cold but... for a human well... that's another story.

So no, you didn't notice as you grew older and started to look older, but the brothers certainly did.

The first one to notice was Asmodeus. The two of you were in one of those intense cuddling sessions; while he stroked your hair, he suddenly noticed a white hair. It made him froze in an instant.

Aging

It was such a slow process for them, for demons, angels and alike. But for humans, humans didn't even have a fraction of a demons life span. They all knew it. Humans were so fragile that even sleeping in a wrong position could hurt them. Yet, here you were. A human, surrounded by demons and still being able to hold your self with such confidence, sometimes even he forgot you were not one of them. Nevertheless, here you were mortal. Because you were human after all.

Asmodeus stared at your sleeping face, so peaceful... It made his heart ache, how has he gotten so close to you? To appreciate you as much as he does? To cherish you, to adore you...to love you? That night, he vowed to make the best of the time you two spend together. Occasionally, you noticed his sad face while painting your nails... but you never mentioned it.

The next one to notice was Belphegor; you usually napped together after classes every day, to get your energy up. However, he started to notice unusual sleeping patterns, the way you slept less at night and more during the day. At first, he thought it was probably Leviathan keeping you awake while gaming at night or watching some anime, but when Levi made a comment about you not connecting in a few days it sunk in.

He had researched human aging once, not because he cared or any deeper reason. He was just curious. He read that getting older, for some people, implied changes in their sleep routine. After that, he started noticing how tired you were often, the black circles underneath your eyes.

Ever since that day, he found himself thinking of Lilith, death, and mortality. Why? There wasn't any real reason, but just something in his heart that made him remember of how long ago his time at the Celestial Realm was every time he looked at you.

Ever since that, Belphie makes sure you go to bed at a reasonable hour, and even uses just a little of his demon powers to make sure you get enough sleep, and if sometimes he stayed awake just to look at you sleep... well that was for him to know and for you to never find out.

Next, was Lucifer. You both had fallen into a kind of routine; you would help him organize papers and such, nothing too important, just to help him around with minor stuff. Today was one of those days. He was looking at some papers and he gave you the ones that weren’t so important to either categorize or to dispose of. He lifted his gaze from the papers for just one second and noticed that something was off. The scene before him… it wasn't quite right. Maybe it was the fact that you had been looking at the same paper for 4 minutes trying to figure out where it belongs, or how your figure seemed... smaller for some reason.

As he stared at you, he suddenly remembered something. The Exchange Program you had participated in ended a while ago, but you had chosen to stay with them. He tied the knots by figuring that, yes, some time had passed since then and it was normal you didn't look the same. So, he kept reading a paper but then realization hit him…. the exchange program ended more than 15 years ago.

It cut him like a knife. It felt like yesterday you had just gotten into the Devildom and now... it had been more than 15 years. For him, it felt like nothing, but for you, a mere human, it must feel like a lifetime ago. Lucifer put the paper down, and suggested you two went out for dinner that night.

You found it odd, but not unwelcomed, and if this started to become a habit between the two... well you sure were not going to question it.

Then, it was Satan the one who noticed. You were reading with him, when he saw you struggling to read some words. You kept shuffling the book closer and then further from you, making weird faces and sighing in frustration. He put it down as you not being particularly interested in that book. So he suggested that the two of you took a break and watched the new episode of a detective show they were airing.

However, it kept happening every time you read together. So, one day Satan surprised you with a trip to the human world… but for medical reasons, he took you to an oculist. While waiting for you, he was reading a book, and he saw an old person walk by him. He then looked at the book and the first word his eyes saw hurt him.

Death

He read around thousands of books explaining humans. From the way their minds worked on a psychological and biological way, to the way a human’s body rotted after dead. Quite fascinating, but the thought of that happening to you... made him land from his fantasyland. Once you came out you, to no one's surprise, announced that you needed reading glasses, he only smiled and told you to pick whatever style you preferred. As you looked around and asked for his opinion on the glasses, Satan noticed another thing.

Even if you were getting older, your spirit was still the same. And that made him smile genuinely. Afterwards, he seemed to be more and more interested in your health and stuff like that, you really didn't question it, your memory was already bad, so it was not bad to have someone remind you to take your vitamins.

Beelzelbub has been sneaking into the kitchen every night of his long life. But specifically, tonight he sneaked into the kitchen and found you, bent over the counter with just a glass of water. He smiled and asked if you were also hungry, but you shook your head, explaining that the dinner you had eaten earlier made your stomach ache and you just wanted some water.

Beelzelbub stared in confusion, after all it was not often food made him feel ill. But lately, this has been something that happened to you a lot. He figured his midnight snack could wait and gave you a hug, hoping it will make you feel better. You smiled and hugged him back, resting against him.

You felt... tired and it wasn't because it was almost midnight or because you had a tummy ache... no, it was a different type of tiredness. After a while, you smiled at Beel and went back to your room. Beel staid in the kitchen, not eating but thinking. He was worried about you; Lucifer mentioned the other day a little off of hand that you seemed weaker.

Beel didn't pay much attention to it, until now. His mind went from Lilith to you, how that affected him, and suddenly, the answer was clear. Beel slumped in himself and tried hard not to wake anyone up on the way to his room. Ever since that day, he asked you to work out with him, even for just a little bit, and the intense cuddling sessions were now even more intense.

The truth was he was scared of losing you too. Only Belphie knew that, and he planned to keep it like that. And if the nightmares ever shifted from Lilith to you well... at least he had you to hold his hand... for now.

It was 3 am... and if Belphegor knew you were awake at this unholy hour he might kill Leviathan and never let you sleep alone in your room again. But here you were, Levi had told you he would be binging one of his favorite animes all night, and you just had to watch it with him. So there you were, 3 am and both, you and Levi, watching anime.

Levi was all excited about the story, the characters, and the plot but you... not so much. So, you ended up falling asleep. Once Levi noticed, he muttered something about how your normie blood had taken the better of you, before falling silent as he kept watching the anime. There, right in the middle of the screen, the protagonist best friend had been killed. Blood was everywhere and the episode ended. Levi's eyes fell on you.

You were Levi's only friend, and the thought of losing a friend made him break a bit. He’s been noticing how you have changed in the passing of time, but he never actually stopped to think of the implications of that. Humans die, very, very easily. He wasn't certain on how much longer you would be around to spend time with him, do cosplays, and talk about anime or manga. He was going to be as lonely as the Lord of the Shadows was before Henry became their friend.

Leave his room? He never did such thing. At least not for a few days after that realization hit him... but then he realized that he was wasting SO MUCH TIME. So, after that, wherever you were, Levi was. He started to talk more about your own interests and stuff. It was nice, he learned new stuff about you, and while the thought of losing you always lingered in the back of his head, he wanted to be close to you no matter what.

Now Levi spent less than 4 hours in his room during the day, it was a miracle really... that was something absolutely no one has ever done before. And honestly, you were not going to question it.

Finally, Mammon, THE Great Mammon noticed. You two were walking in town after one of his photoshoots. He was going on and on about how amazing he was while you trailed behind him... really behind him. Once he noticed, he slowed his pace to match yours. You started talking about something else entirely when suddenly your D.D.D rang. While you answered he checked the hour, and upon looking at his background, he felt a part of himself die.

As his background, he had set a picture of you and him. Not taken too long ago, just a few years... or so he thought. You looked so different. Your hair was now entirely white, matching his; he noticed the wrinkles around your face and the glasses that you now had to use all the time. Mammon fell silent. You informed him that Lucifer had called and wanted you two home now. He just nodded and didn’t say a word for the rest of the walk. You found it weird because... well, because it's Mammon, but you didn't mention it.

That night, Mammon didn't go to your room. He stayed in his, thinking about everything. Thinking how he didn’t notice that you were growing old. He was always with you, ALWAYS. It was impossible for HIM to not notice. Yet here he was, wondering how time slipped between his fingers, and now who knows how much time you would spend together. Mammon cried... all night, no one knew because he made sure it was a silent cry... but the idea of losing someone he cared about so much. IT hurt when Lucifer confiscated Goldie, and he knew losing you would feel the same... who was he kidding? It was going to be worse, so much worse. And so, he cried, but only for that night, the next day he was his usual self just... now he was aware. Suddenly he was being super kind to you and buying you stuff.

It weirded you out but it was fine, you let him have it... you knew what it was about. You started at him with a smile on your lips, ruffled his hair and made snarky comment about him already being broke and to stop spending in you.

If Mammon never left your side before just imagine now. And he was not the only one. You were constantly followed around by a group of demons that wanted to spend time with you. You knew why, but you never mention it... why would you?

Mammon and the others had never talked about it, they refused to do so but whenever you didn't look, they looked at each other, and with sad expression, they made sure to take in the moment, to save it in their hearts.

It was night. You and the seven brothers have been having a horror night but you were tired already. Your entire body ached. And halfway through the movie you fell asleep.

You woke up by a hand shaking you, once you opened your eyes you saw Lucifer. You smiled at him, sat up, and, to everyone surprise, hugged him. Blame it on your half-asleep state, but you dared to hug him, and even give him a kiss on the cheek. Then proceed to hug and kiss every other brother.

No one knew what had gotten into you, but once you kissed Belphegor and were about to say good night, Beel and Asmo pulled you into another hug, and before you realized, you were in a cuddle mountain with ALL the brothers. Lucifer may have taken a little convincing but at the end, he joined you all. After an intense two hours of cuddling, you went to your room. As you laid down in the bed with a smile plastered on your lips, you felt... at peace. With how your life had been up to this point, with how much you loved those seven idiots. Yeah, you really loved them.

During breakfast the next day, none of the brother ate. Not even Beelzeebub, they all waited patiently for you, they wanted to wait for you, even though... all of them knew you were not going to come down the stairs.

That's how it was, humans are born and humans die in less time than any other creature. It was the sad reality of their world, and as the brothers waited for a human that was never going to come down the stairs, all they could think about was you. It was sad, but it was true. And even if they were never going to see you, again... they really were grateful for everything.

*********************************

Hello sweeties, this is actually the first fan fic I've ever made. I could not get this idea out of my head so I just had to write it. Hope y'all enjoy it!

[ijustwant2write]

Beside You-Thomas Shelby x Reader

(GIF credit to @hellomadelene)

Requested by anonymous: 'hey! can you do an imagine tommyxreader where he has a nightmare about the war and you have to calm him down?? thankkss❤️'

Characters: Thomas Shelby x Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: PTSD, nightmares, flashbacks, mention of war, fluff

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Looking down at the sleeping boy, I held my breath as I tiptoed out of Charlie's room. He had been causing a fuss all night, and I knew it was because we hadn't been paying much attention to him as of late. The business had been under a lot of pressure, especially since Tommy had become a big public figure, and it was more difficult to manage everything than we had thought. I treated that boy as my own, though now as a pregnant woman, even I was struggling to play with him for as long as I used to.

The door clicked shut quietly, and I let out a sigh of relief. As I waddled down the hall, I rubbed my belly, my feet aching from being on them all day. Now barefoot, the cool flooring soothed me as I slowly made my way downstairs. Tommy had not come to bed, it was early in the morning and once again I worried for his health. He hardly slept, he was like this even when we were first married. But I couldn't deal with it any longer, not when there was a baby on the way.

It was quiet throughout the house, except for the muffled ticking of a clock. The staff were in bed, exhausted from their day of work. I knew where Tommy would be, where he always was. But as I got closer to his office, I heard strange noises. There was grunting, slurred words, distressed moaning and a sharpness of breath. At first I was intent on bursting into the office, thinking the worst before shaking the thoughts from my mind. Gently opening the door, I poked my head around it, seeing Tommy's head on the desk, clearly sleeping and having a nightmare. His limbs were twitching, and there was a slight sweat on his brow. Thinking nothing of it, I shut the door, forgetting how heavy it was; it slammed shut, alerting Tommy from his sleep. He gasped loudly, snapping upright and grabbing his gun, pointing it in my direction. I fell back against the wall, eyes wide as I feared being shot.

"Fuck." Tommy breathed out, immediately dropping the gun and burying his face in his hands.

I took a few breaths to calm down, the quick burst of adrenaline leaving my body.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry (Y/N)." he apologised, voice cracking.

As approached him as quickly as I could, cautiously wrapping my arms around his hunched over figure. Surprisingly he hugged me back, head resting against the baby bump. His breathing was still deep, eyes still shut, and his hands were clutching onto me as if I was going to push him away. Stroking back his hair, I let him have his moment, knowing I couldn’t ask him questions straight away. 

He was the one to pull away, rubbing his eyes to stop the tears from falling, though they still ran down his cheeks. I rounded the desk, grabbing the chair and dragging it until it was next to Tommy. I had refused his help, making him sit back down again.

“What were you dreaming about?” I asked quietly, subtly taking his hand in mine.

“Nothing. Just a bad dream.” he said, leaning back in his chair. He noticed the glass of whiskey that still remained, grabbing it and drinking the whole thing. 

“A bad dream doesn’t cause you to be so scared that you pull a gun on your wife.”

He sighed.“I’m sorry.”

“You need to tell me what happens in your head. I know that when you do sleep, you’re not getting any peace, but this is entirely different. All of this stress, it’s getting to you.”

“I’ll be fine. You need rest.” 

This was always the problem, he never wanted the attention on himself when it came to his health.

“Tommy, please. I don’t understand why you won’t tell me.”

“You don’t need to be burdened with my thoughts. You don't need this broken man."

“I’m here to listen to those burdens. As a wife, I am here to help you through everything, we share problems now.”

He was hesitant to tell me. I was growing frustrated. We had began opening up a lot more recently, especially with the changes to the business. Although it was a guilt trip, I took his hand and placed it on the bump, putting my hand over his. He stared at it for a few seconds, clearing his throat before speaking.

“I dreamt about the war. I was stuck underground, there was little to no light, and there was no one around me. I could hear the guns, bombs and cries above me, but I couldn't move. I was paralysed. It was how I felt down there, but I never showed it. I didn't want my men to see their leader scared."

He never opened up about the war, not fully anyway. I understood why, I had read about what happened to the fighters out there, I could never imagine such a terror.

"I don't know why it came back to me tonight."

"It just happens sometimes, bad memories. But you're here now, you've not been there for many years."

"I'm still in a fucking war though, aren't I?"

"A war which you are winning, which you have already won! Tommy, you have your priorities straight, most of the time, but it's always family first."

He started to stroke the baby bump, staring intensely at it."I can't put you in danger, not ever again."

"Tommy," I placed my fingers under his chin, forcing him to look at me,"please come to bed tonight."

"I don't think I can sleep again."

"It doesn't matter if you don't sleep, i can't force you to do that. I just want to know you're there and that you're safe. I want to hold onto you, make sure you're alright. I want the baby to feel you when you're calm."

He said nothing.

"Please Tommy, I'm sure it'll make you feel somewhat better."

He sighed, reluctantly agreeing. Smiling at him, I stood up, tugging at his hand to follow. Finally, a smile appeared, and he walked with me. We were silent as we got into bed, facing each other as we laid down. Those eyes, so beautiful, yet so much pain behind them. He hardly smiled, yet I knew when he was happy. Tommy could be hard to read at first, but I somehow got through to him, and he let me in.

Leaning towards him, I placed a long yet gentle kiss in his lips, suddenly feeling tired again. As I settled down, closing my eyes, I knew he was still awake, yet I blindly reached out for his hand. Once found, I placed it on the bump one more time, expecting him to pull away after a while; instead, he inched closer to me, letting me rest my head on his arm and wrapping the other one around me. Of course, the baby got in the way, but neither of us were bothered. We held our baby in between us, the next generation of Shelby.

Tommy was a good man beneath it all. He came off as a scary, ruthless gangster, though his past had built him up to that. I never doubted Tommy's love for me, he wanted the best for his family, especially with another in the way. Tommy could have nightmares every night, keeping myself awake and I would never grow tired; Tommy was my husband, and I loved him too much to let him go through the pain by himself.