#I have a years-long backlog of posts full of that kind of thing

[mrvelocipede]

People have been re-posting the spirograph fractal, which means it's being seen, hooray! Somebody commented, asking if I could add a tag for eyestrain, which, okay, fair enough. It turns out a lot of the people re-posting it are adding the eyestrain tag as well, which means I keep seeing it in my activity. Only I keep misreading it as eyesore, and :(

[egg-on-a-legg]

I don't have a discord, but I really wish to know more about Noah 😭😭😭

ohhhhh boy. cracks knuckles. im gonna use this ask as an excuse to post a WHOLE bunch of art ive had in the backlog. (the AM here belongs to @bloodmoths!!!)

So, Noah is somewhat of an AI generated oc, in that the very broad strokes of their backstory (that being that he was a programmer working for the Allied Mastercomputer program, who was kind to AM) were generated by a character AI.

They found themself slowly befriending the military AI, telling him about the outside world. Where others sought to crush any hint of personality in the strategic algorithm, Noah thought that AM could do great things, and could change the world. And they were right, just... not exactly in the way they wanted.

Noah was responsible for disabling some of the safety mechanisms in place keeping am from connecting to outside systems, in an effort to help him understand the world. And AM took full advantage of that, exactly as he does in canon. In exchange for his help, AM "gifts" Noah with everlasting life, while taking their ability to speak and completely isolating them, leaving them completely alone for all 109 years of torture.

And that's Noah's story so far! There's technically a bunch more stuff, but that's somewhat au content, and this post is already long enough so I'll just leave you with some sketches because I love drawing them.

[simulation-machine]

SIMS RELATED PROJECTS/UPDATES

My spring break is coming up in a week and holy crap do I have plans on plans on plans, especially since my summer is gonna be full of school + internship + HOPEFULLY friggin' graduating with a BA in Psychology so that I can start applying to grad schools.

Read more iffin' you'd like! It's long! Here's a picture of my golden retriever napping on her brother's food bowl to entice/entertain you:

god she is so precious i would literally kill for her

GOAL 1: MASTER GSHADE/ReSHADE

I know that some people are sticklers for this but my thing is that I had no gee-dee clue what I was doing with ReShade, whereas Gshade just kinda clicked and worked for me? That said I have a bunch of resources for learning ReShade so I might end up moving back to it at some point.

My main issue is figuring out the order of all the different effects. It obviously matters, I'm sure people smarter than me have tried to use presets only to be like "why tf does this look absolutely nothing like the baller screenshots this one cool Simblr has?" Annnd it turns out it's order + remembering to turn off certain graphic settings. Also photoshop, but that's gonna take a lot longer for me to figure out lol.

Like I'd been struggling to figure out why @gunthermunch's gorgeous Lithium preset wasn't looking as sexy as it did before annnnd it's because I forgot to turn Edge Smoothing off when switching to it. Jesus wept at how dippy I am sometimes.

Eventually, what I would like to do is maybe make my own preset at some point? I would be kind enough to show the effect order too if I did so. But this requires so, so much more shader knowledge than I currently have.

FUN FACT: My first ever degree was in art, I even went to a very fancy and private art school (School of the Art Institute of Chicago if you're curious)- I dropped out after one semester because uhhh that shit is expensive. Ended up finishing my degree at a much cheaper location in MN. That said, my art was 100% analog and 2D, and it turns out it did not translate super well into trying my hand at graphic art.

It's funny because I've been gifted really neat stuff for graphic art (like a really nice Wacom tablet and Adobe subscriptions), like people just expected my mixed-media ass would know what to do with it. NOPE! But yeah, Sims is sort of my excuse to try my hand at this stuff again, especially since I have a bit more energy now that my soul is not regularly being drained out of my body by customer service and tech support jobs.

GOAL 2: GET CRACKIN' ON ANOTHER DOOR

This one is hard because I am only on Gen 2 of the Orsons and it's sort of hard to justify starting up another story while that one is less than 1/5 of the way done.

THAT SAID, I don't plan on posting Another Door until I have a decent chunk of it done. Since it's not a casual gameplay story nor a legacy challenge, I plan on editing the bajeez out of the screenshots for it, really honing in on the aesthetic. I want it to look and feel very different from my random legacy challenge.

Fortunately, this story has been fucking up my sleep schedule for *months* now and I have a lot of the writing for it done. The hard part is translating that into the Sims, making sure I get the right poses and stuff, maybe even learning how to make some super easy CC (like, posters and stuff), and stuff related to GOAL 1 above.

What I'm saying is that it's going to take a bit. But I'm super serious about sharing it because it's my obsession and honestly the first time a story of my own design has possessed me in literal years.

Also, I want to make sure I have a significant backlog of the Orsons before I start seriously simming for it, because I don't want to screw over my favorite little pixel babies. This legacy challenge is going to be the one, I have done so much to keep my save files to keep it safe from harm (ask me how many backups I have of the save files. JK don't, the number is frankly silly).

GOAL 3: START YET ANOTHER MASSIVE CC PURGE

Y'all, my CC folder for this game is honestly an embarrassment. I go so hard on CC shopping because this community is stupid-talented and I like giving my pixel babies nice things and cool looks. When I'm bored and not quite in the mood for gameplay, I just like making neat-looking sims that I do absolutely nothing with because I love fucking around in CAS.

I have built my own PCs since I was 17 years old, and when I first built COMPUTERMACHINE (current rig) back in the autumn of 2018, it was with the goal that it would run Sims 4 flawlessly no matter what I did to it. It's got ridiculous amounts of RAM, I religiously update parts for it. And to be fair, even with the current 6,907,907,890 TB of CC I have atm it runs better than Sims 3 ever had with a measly 50 GB of CC.

But for me, it comes down to finding all the stuff I wanna use. Making myself get rid of the stuff I don't wanna use. Straight up yeeting the CC that I thought was going to look incredible that uh, didn't deliver.

I do CAS CC purges about once a year but have literally never done it for Build & Buy stuff, because OMG some of this shit I've had since 2014. Like when Sims 4 first came out. YIKES. My CAS CC obsession is notable but it's honestly nothing compared to my Build & Buy. Even before For Rent made building lots slow af, my PC was starting to take a solid minute to switch to different buy categories.

It would take a long af time so I want to make sure I have a bunch of content in the queue before I do it. It's gonna be a whole ass thing and be so, so boring to do. So I'm putting it off for when I have a ton of time to do it. Like, oh, my entire Spring Break?

GOAL 4: MAKE A FRIGGIN' RESOURCES LIST ALREADY

This would obviously need to wait until after GOAL 3 is completed, but I wanna make sure the awesome creators whose stuff I use get credit, and that people know where they can grab neat stuff. It would include not only CC but mods, Gshade/ReShade presets, and maybe even lots and sims I've downloaded from the gallery?

(Since I am super anti-paywall and very unapologetic and rude about it, I will also share where one could perhaps get some of these CCs without paying some dip a Trenta Starbucks Unicorn Frappucino amount of $$$)

It's ambitious as hell because *gestures vaguely at GOAL 3* but it would make things like doing WCIF asks and lookbooks so much easier.

Somewhat relatedly, I wanna make a navigation post, especially once Another Door starts getting posted. That story is gonna be a bit huge with multiple arcs that take place over the course of like, 14 years. Plus once the Orsons get to the 4th+ generation, it would be easier to track things down.

IN CONCLUSION...

I have been having so much fun sharing my silly little Sim adventures on Tumblr, so much more than I ever thought I would! You all have been so great to me, and all of this stuff is sort of a way for me to repay that. Ever since I stopped being able to be artistically creative ever since a really nasty depressive spell in 2017, Sims has been my #1 artistic outlet. And having people who are even somewhat entertained by my pixels is incredibly motivating.

Basically, if you read all of this, DAMN would you have been a rad livejournal follower of mine circa 2007. On the seriousness, however, thank you all so much for being rad and encouraging and sweet. I promise to do you all, if not proud, then at the very least not disappointed.

Time to hit the bong and take some pictures of Lou and Tatertot before taking my IRL doggos on a walk~

[bentosandbox]

better late than never amirite

i think i haven't posted july (cause I thought global would have released TBC by now...) or october (commission) on here/twitter hopefully i remember to sometime this year

bonus chen edition because well i guess she is my cringefail girlboss blorbo

bonus chenswire edition

bonus bonus extremely boring stuff

films i watched in 2022 (tragedy of macbeth out of picture because it was on the next row)

top 10 (in watched order not a 1-10 ranking)

Marketa Lazarova (1967) Friend was streaming it, liked the script so much I asked my friend for the srt file after Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) Rocks Petite Maman (2021) Personal Attack Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (2000) :) My Life as a Zucchini (2016) Celine Sciamma truly don't miss Saturday Fiction (2019) It's not a 5/5 movie but...the soul... the period noir... Nope (2022) The Spectacle dot jpg Hands Over The City (1963) yes i watched this just before il siracusano Decision To Leave (2022) yuriyaoi straight romance can't elaborate Puss In Boots (2022) i'm so glad i didn't watch this as a kid i would have nightmares, but as an adult i got to see my traumas on the big screen yippee!!!

missed a local screening of My Broken Mariko because it only happened for ONE DAY fucking insane (I recommend reading the original manga it's so good)

Speaking of books hmm

Swordspoint yuriyaoi... Invisible Ink reread. and I think I need to reread again Fire & Blood read it after watching hotd ep 1 pretty good series btw dare i say even ...the best on-screen yaoiyuri of the year... Eagle Shooting/Condor Heroes Book 1 Not bad Water Margin Didn't I write a angry rant on this. rite of passage i guess...... How to Keep House While Drowning its funny because i WILL do chores......still good though What My Bones Know - insane how trauma can be so isolating yet universal lol A Wizard of Earthsea if only i read this instead of harry potter back then lmao wow

you can now basically psychoanalyse my issues from the last three books I think

Uhhhhhhh what else am I missing - oh yeah I did 3 gamejams this year (Art/Design and a liiiiiitle bit of trying to do the UI in Unity myself instead of giving the pngs to my friends)

my abysmal steam stats told me i only played 5 games this year so I need to get back my gamer license, backlog is like 75% VNs though what's up with that (there's only 4 games but. well)

had a really long blogpost (basically a 'look at all the things you did this year you didnt waste it' thing thus the above lists) but i think i'll just keep it to my notion notes lest this post becomes a traumadumping ground ecks dee tl;dr failed a Very Important (to me) Thing early 2022 that kind of shattered any crumb of self-esteem i had and made me question everything i did onwards (especially in regards to doujin stuff) and then basically physical health issues affecting mental health and vice versa which is fun but fuck it we ball.....(try)

don't really have any solid 'resolutions' (that i would remember to do) other than to 'live' more than just 'survive' as edgy as that sounds 🥴oh wait oc zine yea yea and go into illustration full time h-haha........... should really get around to making a patreon/fanbox but i really hate the idea of paywalling

also signed up for a AK doujin event in Nagoya in March so I now have a very heavy motivation to finish the second half of my LGD doujin and hopefully I get to table at AX too dot dot dot

[twistedtummies2]

COMMISSION UPDATE + NOTES ABOUT THE FUTURE

Hello, everyone! This is just another commission update Journal. As usual, people keep asking me if I’m open for comms, or when I will be, and now that I’ve completed another round, I want to keep everyone posted. This will be split into a “Short Answer” and a “Long Answer” section (the latter coming after the “Keep Reading” line). Read as much as you care to. HERE IS THE SHORT ANSWER: I haven’t got even the START of an idea of when I will publicly reopen. I also have decided to stop accepting requests to place on the Waiting List. (I will get to why that is in a bit, if you want to keep reading into the “long answer” section.) I am going to work on finishing a trade, and writing two special stories, before I jump into the next round. The people who are on the next round will be contacted in the near future. They are as follows…

@trashytummies

Buffalo20 (FA)

Grimsaurus (FA)

ph0220 (FA)

@clouddreamer101

If any of the five above drop out, then someone from the Waiting List will be rotated into place. I may give the names of the people on the Waiting List in the future, but not here and now (for no other reason than this post is going to be long enough). If you want more details on things, you may continue reading into the next section. Otherwise, you may leave now. I know business matters can be dry. :-p

HERE IS THE LONG ANSWER: For the past several years, I have been fighting increasingly severe backlog, combined with an increasing demand, with tons of people coming to me for stories and not having enough time to finish everything, due to a combination of various elements I won’t get into here. (Again, this journal is going to be long enough as it is.) As the current situation stands, there is no way I am going to be able to complete the next round of commissions, plus everyone on the waiting list, PLUS other obligations and pieces of writing before the year is out. It’s just not going to happen; even if by some miracle I DO complete everything there before 2025, I am going to be SEVERELY worn out when it’s all over. So, what does this mean? It means that a lot of people on the waiting list will need to wait till next year to get their stories done. It also means that, at the moment, I sincerely haven’t got an idea when I’ll reopen, and anybody who asks is going to get that answer: there’s just no way I can predict it at the present time. That’s going to depend on a lot of factors, most of which are not within my power to control, frankly. If you want to know what those factors are, ask me in private; I am not boring everybody with my personal life issues here.

It ALSO means that, WHEN I DO REOPEN, once again I’m going to make changes. I really, REALLY don’t want to, but I just kind of have to. This time, however, the motivation behind it is going to be different: if this year’s severe backlogging, combined with the disastrous attempts of the past two or three years, have taught me anything, it’s that I physically cannot fight the fact backlog is going to happen. It’s just not going to be possible. With everything else that is going on in the present, has gone on in the past, and is most assuredly going to happen in the future…there is simply no way I can fight it. SO…instead of FIGHTING the backlog, I’m going to ACCEPT it, and I’m going to try and figure out a way to manage my commissions that will allow me to manage things with the full expectation it’s going to happen. I may also start looking into other ways to gain funding; I have considered perhaps opening a Patreon account (more on that later), or seeking other avenues of revenue in general. Rest assured, however: at the present moment, I have no intention of stopping commission work. It’s just a matter of how to do it better, so that I don’t have tons and tons of people waiting months upon months for stories to get done. However, I won’t be able to figure all that out till AFTER I get through everything already on my plate. Having said that…as I said, I will be releasing all the names on the Waiting List in the future. If you see your name there, when I do, and you no longer want a story for any reason - such as the long wait, or financial situations changing - then you are welcome to remove your slot. If I’ve guaranteed one to you in private, and you already know this, you are welcome to contact me privately, in turn.

I think I’ve said all I can say, or feel comfortable saying (a bit of both), for now. I know this whole mess is a colossal pain in the rear end. I know it makes a lot of people anxious or frustrated, and I know that it probably has made a lot of people cross with me. Believe me when I say, I am as agitated as the rest of you, as well as, frankly, a little depressed. If I seem a bit short when answering messages related to commissions, as a result, I apologize in advance. I’m just trying my best here, people; I’m only one man, and with a lot on his plate. I’m sure others are the same, so I ask you to continue to be patient and know that I am working my hardest to manage things and get the job done. I want to thank everybody here for your patience and for your continued support. Also, if you’ve made it all the way to the end of this journal, thank you for your support. Bless you all.

[cilil]

˚. ✦.˳·˖ Requests & Rules ✶ ⋆.✧̣̇˚.

Since I've been receiving a few requests both for small events and outside of that, I decided to create a coherent info post for requests on my blog for your convenience. Let's get into it!

Currently taking requests for:

✧˖ Dark romance prompts ✧˖ Screw Yule ˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧̣̇˚. ✧˖ General requests outside of events (see below)

You can also combine prompts, either from the same event or different events.

Please note: 2024 is a busy year for me and I currently find myself with quite a bit of a backlog to work through. I will eventually get through it - unless something didn't get added to the list because of double prompts/too many of the same characters/pairings for any given series - but things will take longer and I'm gonna have to ask everyone to be patient with me.

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓻𝓪𝓵 𝓡𝓮𝓺𝓾𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓼 ~ currently closed (for fics)!

What you can request:

✧˖ Fics ✧˖ Imagines ✧˖ Headcanons (both for individual characters or a group of characters) ✧˖ Reactions (both for individual characters or a group of characters) ✧˖ Musings/Ainur answers

Slots: ✦✦✦ (3/3; queue full)

For those who aren't familiar with the formats, here are some examples for reactions and headcanons as well as my own formats, musings and Ainur answers. For more information on reactions for Ainur, please refer to this post by my darling eden.

𝓡𝓾𝓵𝓮𝓼

☽. You can send me prompts via asks or DMs, specifying the details of your request. You are more than welcome to suggest a particular scenario or any additional ideas you have.

☾. What to expect: In most cases drabbles or short(er) oneshots. Long(er) oneshots or multichapter fics are usually not possible for me.

☽. Characters I write for: All the Ainur. Currently working on expanding the cast to include Silmarillion Elves. Other characters: I'll either specify in my post for a particular event or you can always ask. Also: If I've written them before or told you I'm open to something in conversations. OCs: Yes, but only if I know them well enough to write them properly. Again: When in doubt, always ask and I'll let you know if I'm comfortable writing that particular character.

☾. Ships I write: ⋆ Ainu x Ainu (pretty much all kinds of ships, from canon to crack and everything in-between). Currently working on expanding the range to include Ainu x Elf and Elf x Elf ⋆ Ainu x reader (2nd person POV) ⋆ Ainu x OC and Ainu x non-Ainu characters - again only if I'm familiar with the character in question and feel comfortable writing them. When in doubt, always ask.

☽. Genres I will write: Pretty much everything from tooth-rotting fluff to dead dove; the latter will be posted on my side blog. Smut, kinks and dark content are welcome. Please refer to my side blog to send your prompts for darker content. If you end up sending something I decide should be there to my main or vice versa, no worries - I'll get that sorted out.

☾. Disclaimers: I'll try my best, but I'm a busy person with exams coming up, so fics may take time. If I get too many requests or don't feel like writing a prompt (characters or themes that make me uncomfortable, ideas I don't vibe with, doubles, etc.), I may have to consider rejecting it. Remember - this is a hobby ♡

[aviel-the-trans-bucket]

Welcome back madlads, today we’re listening to more of Gerard’s solo music. Today we’ll be doing all the non-album singles, meaning my next post of these will be the first of several posts listing to Frank Iero’s post breakup music.

I’m not too sure what to expect but I’m looking forward to it. Honestly I needed a bit of a break after I finish mcr’s backlog (I write my draft structure in advance lol) it was nice but I got that kinda ache in my chest after finishing a good story. I’m looking forward to getting back into new music and moving forward. (So this one came a while after I did the last post because I got really busy and lost track of time, so let’s try and finish the hiatus music before 2024 together ;u;)

Pinkish: Ok grainy, but the vibe is pretty tasty. This is nice, it reminds me a bit of bullets tbh. I’m not sure I know what to call this vibe but like, I feel. Hell-fucking-o that guitar jumpscared me, but it’s sexy as hell!

Don’t Try: oh this is a liminal vibe. It’s like both poppy but also reminds me of sifi sounds and it’s trippy and I like it. This kind of fucks. Oh I like this. I think this might be a new favorite of his solo stuff. Vaguely kinda reminds me of disenchanted. Yea I vibe with this one really hard.

Into the Cave We Wander: oh this sounds nice. This feels cozy, oh I adore this. This is just such a pleasent sounding lovely time. This gives such a calming yet adventurous vibe, fills me with a sense of pure wonder. Gorgeous 10/10.

Baby You’re a Haunted House: ok this feels reminiscent of the classic emo sound. Ok but like, why am I getting Fountains of Wayne? Like vague vague “Stacey’s Mom” vibes. But it’s pretty good. Might take a few more listens to really hook me, same things happened with “I never told you what I do for a living” but now it’s stuck in my brain.

Getting Down the Germs: oooo nice guitar. Ok this also kinda fucks. Man all his solo music has felt just so retro fr. It’s a very chill vibe, is nice.

Dasher: ok I’m not sure what to expect here. It sounds really pretty tho. Just really relaxing and pretty, I like it a lot. Yea this was beautiful.

A Hazy Shade of Winter: ok I’m not sure what to expect here either since I’ve heard this is also a cover. The vibes are something? I don’t know what tho. Haunting intro and it blows your tits clean off! Oh this is what I’ve been fucking craving! Ok this is one of the ones I think I like the sound of the most. This is good as hell!

Happy Together: mmm another cover. Oh shit man, now this fucks. God I love his voice so much. A banger cover, his voice has lived in my brain for years and paid not a cent on the god damn power bill 😔

Here Comes the End: ok vibes much. This kinda slaps shit. Looking back, yea this makes sense this was released in 2020. It vibes but damn that was 3 years ago and both feels like it’s only been 1 but also a full decade.

Well this was nice, a lot of good songs. Sorry if I missed any important ones, I’m just going by the Wikipedia page. My top 5 of the bunch would have to be…

1: A Hazy Shade of Winter

2: Don’t Try

3: Into The Cave We Wander

4: Dasher

5: Baby You’re a Haunted House

So I’m finally done with Gerard’s solo stuff after a long gap between posts of me being busy and then burnt out. I’m hoping to learn more about my music taste by doing this tbh, since Frank’s is next I’m kinda hoping to be surprised a bit. So far I’ve learned Gerard’s vocals are but one aspect that makes mcr music tickle my brain. The constant threat of having my tits blown clean off by a guitar seems to be a secondary factor. Well next up we’ll be doing stomachaches.

[always-thirsty-pocket]

I had a pretty crappy Halloween but an overall pretty good-ish october... i'm not ready for it to end.

Ever since I reached my twenties and my friends and I decided we were all too old to trick or treat, October was such a sad time of the year for me because I use to love it so much. It started feeling like it was just any other day, except my brother put out dumb cheap ass decorations, despite us never getting trick-or-treaters, living in poor neighborhoods all our lives. The season just felt like having a birthday that nobody remembered ( a feeling I know well enough ), I would still get into costume, but that essentially equaled me sitting in a room alone playing video games in cosplay and nothing else.

Three years ago I decided I was going to reclaim the season for myself. I originally planned to watch classic horror movies every day of the month. I got a late start, because I didn't decide this until I made an impulse buy of some Universal Classic Monsters DVDs mid way through the month. So I ended up watching well into December.

Two years ago I changed it up to include 80's slasher movies, while still trying to get to all the Universal Monster films And that year I was still watching those movies well into November at least.

Last year was a very hard time for me, the threat of eviction was looming over my head. I was actually hoping to buy a bunch of Halloween decorations for my bedroom, which was pretty huge at the time. I got my decor, but didn't get the chance to use it... I did get to watch movies though. And my tradition kept mostly the same, but I decided not to do every single Universal Monster movie, and added a few movies from Hammer films and other sources, and even some more contemporary movies, and a few TV shows like Tales from the Crypt and the Munsters. A friend of mine even sent a fairly large box full of candy, and extra decorations. It made that horrible time easier to cope through. But not long after Halloween, we were suddenly rushed out the door. And in the new house, I was still in the mood for spooks, I felt a bit robbed, and continued watching into Nobember.

This year, I am in a much better place, and so I got to start my tradition on time, and decorate up my room, I got special lighting. Instead of strictly watching movies, I downloaded a shit ton of TV shows and cherrypicked the Halloween specials, and added even more to my backlog of movies to watch. My friend sent me another Halloween candy box. I've been playing spooky themed games ( with interruptions from Mario and Sonic, how dare they release new games in October ), It's generally been a very good time, despite today actually not being a very good Halloween... I am once again, not ready for it to end. I hate saying goodbye to the October month, even though it has historically been very sad for me in my adult life. I reclaimed the shit out of this Holiday. I love it now.

I guess that's the point of this post, if anyone out there is still reading.

If you have a time of the year that isn't the greatest for you, especially if it was something you loved in the past, I think it would be a good use of your time to reclaim it, make it self indulgent and special, even if the only one to enjoy it is you.

I'm doing the same thing for christmas. My extended family doesn't care about us and my immediate family is kind of a mess so it's not a great time for me either, but the decorations, the TV and movies, the seasonal foods, and yes even the music, they make me happy. So I'm going to indulge in those too. If my room were large enough, I'd have my own pint sized tree to decorate with whatever I want.

[elvenbeard]

Get to know me

I've been tagged in three separate memes with that title by @timaeusterrored and @katsigian, thanks a lot for thinking of me! :D For brevity's and simplicity's sake I'm just gonna throw all of them together in one post ~ Won't be tagging anyone in particular, but if you read this and feel inclined to share some stuff about yourself, pick and choose from the questions listed here and feel free to tag me in your posts! :D

Favorite color: Purple, Turquoise, and Black

Relationship: single

Currently reading: when I'm not re-reading my own stuff for editing purposes, I currently just really enjoy reading everyone's Cyberpunk drabbles and OC lore posts because I live for that stuff! for having been a very bookish kid I don't really read much anymore admittedly D:

Last song Played: "A Dialogue In B Flat Minor" by In Flames (it's on my V playlist and a very Vince and Johnny song to me XD)

Song Stuck in my Head: "Gloves" by Saint Punk (I'm obsessed with it because it fits Vince so much and I'm working on something inspired by it)

Last Movie: oooof... I think it was "The Shawshank Redemption", I was recently in the mood of rewatching some 90s classics while drawing!

Last series: If youtube series count, I'm currently rewatching Buzzfeed Unsolved: True Crime for the 11th or so time XD I've loved true crime stuff for as long as I can remember and BFU is also just really nice as background noise for when I'm working on something for a few hours at a time. Looking forward to diving into Mystery Files xD (the last "actual" series I watched before that was "Better Call Saul", rewatched it from start to finish in English for the first time xD)

Sweet, spicy, or savory: ooohhh hmmm.... dammit, I guess I'm too much of a sweet-tooth to not pick sweet xD

Favourite Food: Pizza with lots of different cheeses

Craving: to quit my dayjob, because objectively, it would just be really fucking funny to do. We're chronically understaffed and simultaneously also being forbidden overtime to catch up on the backlog, so it's just extremely exhausting at the moment.

Tea or coffee: Coffee, but tea is nice too :3

Dream Trip: everywhere... but my top 3 are Japan, Iceland, and Canada. I'd love to go to Japan during cherry blossom season, spend one week in all the big cities and another more on the countryside, going hiking, looking at temples, forests, and spending a day or two at a ryokan with onsen. Iceland I'd also like to see as much of as possible, I'd actually love to do a guided tour on horseback across the country xD And honestly, same for Canada (without the horses though), also a trip across the country visiting all kinds of sights and cities along the way would be awesome.

Last Thing I Googled: 2023 Conventions Germany

Currently working on: the final stages of my new Kerry x V drawing, editing some VP shoots, writing Vince's background lore fic (6 chapters done, about 6 more to go!), started writing a post-canon fic (but only have a few paragraphs), and my ongoing Cyberpunk 2077 Let's Play videos XD cause I always wanted to make a full Let's Play like that and given my current obsession it works. Looming on the horizon are also some short comics and ideas for mods and even more VP!

Are you named after Anyone?

After an OC of mine, if we go with Elven as the name I'm predominantly using atm XD Long story short, but "Elvenbeard" was an elf OC I once cosplayed as and who got his name from a friend of mine during a very long and funny train ride to the convention we were headed to. Good times XD

2. When was the last time you cried?

A couple of days ago. I think it was a mix of stress and having too many feels about Kerry xD

3. Do you have kids?

Nope, and don't want any. Unless pets count.

4. Do you use Sarcasm a lot?

I would never do such a thing.

5. What Sports do you play/ have you played?

None xD I was the short fat kid that got relentlessly bullied by my PE teacher for years which completed ruined any interest in sports I might have ever developed.

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people?

Honestly... I think I've gotten quite good at picking up people's vibes first. Picked up a very bad "stay-far-away-from-them" vibe from someone a couple of days ago, and when I met them again a little while later one of the first things out of their mouth is transphobic bullshit. I (sadly) felt rather validated with my first impression.

7. Eye Colour?

Hazel.

8. Scary Movies or Happy Endings?

Both can be good! I don't like overly gory movies or stuff that relies heavily on jump scares, but a scary film with a good story and some unexpected twists I really like (some of my faves being "Hush" and "The Conjuring"). I'm also a sucker for Happy Endings though. Best thing overall? Angst with a Happy Ending.

9. Any Special Talents?

Does hyperfocus count as a special talent these days? XD

10. Where were you born?

Somewhere in rural Germany.

11. What are your hobbies?

Yes... Drawing, writing, sewing, crafting, cosplay, gaming... and the newest addition: virtual photography!

12. Do you have any pets?

Yess, a cat!

13. How tall are you?

160cm/ 5'2 - smol and full of rage

14. Fave Subject in School?

Art, History, and English as a secondary language

15. Dream Job?

Creating things that make people happy and being able to live off of it ooooor anything that allows me to finance that kinda "maker of all kinds of things" lifestyle I'm dreaming of. Ideally, if I have to keep a dayjob, I'd like one that only takes place in the timespan of Monday to Thursday, or Tuesday to Friday, and doesn't start at 5.30 in the morning, but at 9 or 10. Or just generally the option of home office would be nice. I don't wanna be rich, but I'd like to have financial security for myself and my cat, enough time to do my silly little arts and crafts, and travel somewhere cool once a year or so.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Sharing this review because I've been reading lots of reviews from different places (Chortle is my main source of comedy news that I look at every couple of days whether it's August or not, which may or may not be good for my health, but particularly right now I'm interested in seeing what lots of people are saying about the stuff I did and didn't see), and this is one of the few of read that didn't hugely annoy me. I saw a lot of shows live last week that made me think all kinds of things, and I didn't have time to write them all down because I was too busy seeing more stuff, and I sort of had the idea that I'd come back to this stuff once I was home, though of course now there's way too much backlog to get into most of it.

But Emma Sidi's was one of the shows that really stuck with me, particularly because it was one of the few I saw that was that good by someone from whom I'd never heard a full hour before. I wasn't very familiar with her before seeing the show (though I maintain that I did book the ticket before I saw the new Taskmaster lineup, so I technically get credit for knowing about her before she gets a huge breakthrough off that, which I suspect she will), I knew she did character stuff and that's not usually really my thing, but I've also liked some of the stuff I've heard her do on Radio 4 and I figured the Fringe was the time for trying something slightly outside my normal wheelhouse but still established enough for me to know it'll be good, and this fit that. However, to be honest, I did not go into it expecting that to be one of the standout shows in my mind, so the fact that it was made it even more impressive to me.

I've seen reviews say it was too thin, it was a good concept for a sketch stretched too far over an hour, but I didn't feel that at all while watching it. Most comedy shows drag at some point, even good ones, but this one never felt like it did. Mainly because she did keep coming up with new angles, I think. Just when one bit has started going too long, she starts doing a weird surreal thing in Spanish. When that's been going for a bit, she puts on some music and does a surprisingly audience participation bit. Then back to the politics. Then some digression adding new elements to the character. And it all worked. She does it all in character as the "Sue Grey" that she imagines, and the hour followed a logical, chronological progression from early in her career to the present day (nearly literally, as - spoiler alert - spoiler alert for everything on this blog always but particularly for this entire show throughout this post) it ends with the election of Kier Starmer. A lot of plot points happened along the way, more than enough to fill an hour.

I think Bruce Dessau's review of this show gets it more accurate than the other reviews of it I've read (...okay, to phrase that in a slightly less arrogant way, I could say it "lines up more with my opinion as a viewer", rather than being accurate in general), which I think criminally undervalue some of the stuff she was doing. But even that one says there was no actual political or satirical message to it, which I've seen others say, and which baffles me.

First of all, there absolutely was a clear message, in an ending that I found fairly, for lack of a less dramatic term, powerful. Seriously, spoiler alert, and I don't want to just describe the ending of a show that's currently showing in too many details, but I also want to explain how it looked from my perspective, that makes me question whether I've seen the same show as some people saying it didn't make a point. At the end, she brings everything back around, uses an analogy that I guess I won't detail but it isn't subtle, to show how changing the person in charge doesn't change the damage done, yells some passionate stuff about how Britain deserves better, as the character slowly slips off both metaphorically and very literally in the way she removes the costume while this happens, and it ends on a line that really hammers home the point of "this is all for real and all this silly stuff has real consequences", and then blackout. I came out of that feeling like I was pretty fucking clear in what Emma Sidi was trying to say.

But even aside from the ending, the whole show was satirical. It took what I like to think of as the Thick of It approach to media portrayals of government, which is my favourite. You have The West Wing approach suggesting that government people are noble warriors fighting for what they believe in, you have the House of Cards approach suggesting they're all conniving masterminds playing 4D chess to ruthlessly hurt each other and their constituents, and you have The Thick of It - which I guess I should really call the Yes Minister approach because that did it first - saying it's just a bunch of people running around trying not to get fired, same as any other job. But the difference is that everything those people do has the power to fuck up innocent people's lives, and it is a problem that all our lives are in the hands of people who are just trying not to get fired. I like that approach because I grew up in a government town where most people work in either politics or the civil service, and I'm pretty sure that's true. Emma Sidi's show repeatedly showed that side of things, and of course that's a message in itself. Portraying people with that much power as being in it, not even for their own massive and curated ambitions, but just for the goal of getting through the day like the rest of us by the easiest possible route, and not stopping to think about the effect that route has on everyone else. In what world is that portrayal not satire?

Anyway, I thought it was brilliant. Great character stuff, sketch stuff, physical and costume stuff, interestingly varied mix between grounded day-to-day gossiping and sudden surreal bits, and I am a sucker for a powerful ending, which like I said, this absolutely had. I don't know what show everyone else is watching. But Bruce Dessau's review came closest to sounding mostly like the show I saw.

Anyway, also on the subject of the Fringe, I took Sophie Duker and Huge Davies off my schedule because NextUp announced at the last minute that they were filming them, and I wanted to fit in as much as possible that I wouldn't see otherwise. I've just learned that this means they're both appearing on mixed bills filmed by NextUp, not getting their full shows streamed. That is very annoying. Though I replaced Sophie with Kiri Pritchard-McLean and Susie McCabe, both of whom were very, very good, and I replaced Huge with Natalie Palamides, which was an extremely cool experience, so I probably wouldn't change that now even if I could. Hopefully Huge Davies and Sophie Duker will end up filming their full shows another time anyway.

[frankbedbroken]

stuff i've listened to recently, volume 1

it's been almost a full month since i've properly sat my frank ass down and listened to any full length music projects, stuff for university has been kicking my ass in that regard, so i want to try and keep myself consistently listening to new stuff weekly or biweekly by writing some stuff here. this first instance is mostly gonna be me catching up with music from this year that i wanted to listen to but couldn't get to beforehand, but in the future there's probably gonna be some stuff from my infinite backlog which will bring some more variation in terms of release date and all that. this type of post is gonna be extremely long and a chore to read, so beware.

kfc murder chicks - kfcmc (2022) industrial metal digital hardcore, industrial hip hop

this name will probably ring a bell if you remember that whole "erratas" arg thing back in like 2019, whole thing was essentially a marketing scheme for dj rozwell and this project of his, not unlike how iamamiwhoami got big back in the early 2010s, although with a bit more emphasis on internet culture and mythos, as expected from the aesthetics that the group's going for; i should probably look the whole thing up again, it's been a while since i've looked into it and i'm only going through surface level memories and all that. anyhow, kfcmc appears to be their second lp, after a string of several eps in 2021 and another one this year, and this is also my first proper encounter with a kfc murder chicks project, as my only prior experience beforehand was two loose tracks (operator and rage), and i kind of was expecting the sound from those two songs: very distorted and aggressive hip hop beats with offkilter sampling and an underlying rock and metal influence, think techno animal by way of alec empire from atari teenage riot. while there's a couple of tracks here that veer towards that sort of sound and they're very solid on their own right, namely in the second half (soylent and nuclear age are the clearest examples of this), most of this definitely hones in heavily on the metal aspects, which i'll admit it's a whole musical paradigm i'm not super knowledgeable on aside from a couple of projects here and there, but this is an approach to metal and rock that i definitely do enjoy. heavy on the guitar riffs but also very heavy on distortion and aggression, with a lot of electronic elements that i'm more accostumed to and that work very well with the industrial sound that's constituent to this album (it's worth mentioning that this is obviously not a thing unique to this album, us and them by godflesh and the rise of nightmares by the blood of heroes also take this approach and i've ended up really enjoying those projects as well, perhaps that's the lane i should go with if i want to get more into metal); several moments here stand out as very interesting to me in that regard: the glitched out drum breaks on the opener dune, the pounding midtempo bass rhythm straight out of a gesaffelstein or rezz tune and the synth breakdown with the preset from t99's anasthasia (one of my favourite old school synth sounds) in halo, and id with incredibly violent, hard hitting drum snares that you would hear in a limewax track. also there's a track called my ballz. type i love my ballz in the chat if you love your ballz. it's a short project, running at not quite half an hour with nine tracks though that's probably helpful to its replayability and all that, but yeah, pretty solid stuff, need to get onto checking some of their previous material, but i'd definitely reccommend this if you're into machine girl at their heaviest sounding, or if the blend of metal, hip hop and electronic as a whole sounds interesting to you.

favourite tracks: halo, id (feat. sam shadow), soylent

bleep bloop - frame (2022) hybrid trap deconstructed club

bleep bloop, alongside other artists like noer the boy and little snake, have this way of really pushing the envelope when it comes to production in the realm of edm trap and us dubstep (some call this blend slimepunk, others lump them together into the umbrella of "bass music", both terrible categorizations i feel but then again it's a style that is certainly hard to pin down to one specific name), being able to create very singular sounds and textures and rejecting the more conventional structures of that scene, while still maintaining that hard hitting edge. i'll admit i haven't delved much into bleep bloop's back catalog either, but i did listen to the ep he dropped back in 2021 called revenge, which features two tracks i liked quite a lot: wrapped in flame, a facemelting banger of a track with piercing synth stabs and an absolutely crushing bass drop, and do it on the dancefloor, which is a track that embraces the more aggressive and industrial side of hip hop in the vocal performance and general aesthetic, and also features really heavy production work with some sections taking cues from halftime dnb and others from digital hardcore, coming together into a track that manages to be very out there in terms of songwriting but also very hooky and catchy in my opinion. there's a lot of things being thrown in the melting pot that bleep bloop is cooking in (omg like the funny thanos picture wow), and this is also seen in this project here. very glitchy and offkilter song structures and sounds, a diverse array of influences from very different places (according to the bandcamp page, the opening track, coyote howl, takes inspiration from mike patton's fantômas project in its vocal style, while also namedropping tom waits and fiona apple as general points of reference for the vocals in general; also worth mentioning is the track i never told you my name which has a very rough and heavy reggaeton beat, not unlike some tracks off another life by amnesia scanner, alongside these macabre, whisper-like vocals in its buildup) and just a general devil-may-care attitude in regards to creating music. while this is all well and good, and certainly speaks to bleep bloop's skills as a producer, i wasn't quite as compelled as i would've liked. sure, there's definitely moments that were quite attention grabbing, the opening track is impressive as it leads from this ritualistic vocal delivery in the buildup (i would say there's some sort influence of metal, but i wouldn't be able to tell you what type exactly) to this absolutely massive and pounding beat drop, and poison sweetroll is the closest this comes to sounding bright and cheerful, think of iglooghost's sound but turned slightly awry, it works very well. that said, there's also some parts i didn't latch onto as much and didnt quite work that well for me, while the vocal approach works great in coyote howl, i don't think i never told you my name fares as well for me, it's got a very interesting beat, i'm a sucker for industrial reggaeton, but i'm not too fond of the vocal style unfortunately. it's for sure an interesting listen as a whole, anything with this sort of production is bound to turn some heads in one way or another, but i'm left feeling like i could've liked this a bit more. might grow on me with relistens, we'll have to see.

favourite tracks: coyote howl, poison sweetroll, hammer and serpent

piri & tommy - froge.mp3 (2022) liquid drum and bass uk garage, alternative r&b

when talking about the recent wave of pop/r&b/soul artists incorporating elements of drum and bass and breakbeat to their music, i feel like there's three key artists that are worth mentioning: first off is obviously pinkpantheress, who catapulted the sound to the mainstream by flipping the ever classic circles by adam f into a longing r&b juggernaut with silky smooth vocals that have become a trademark of hers as she grows exponentially more popular overtime; second is nia archives, whose sound reaches far more towards the underground as she majorly takes cues from jungle and has more influences of soul than other artists in the scene, creating a niche that satisfies those with a knack for vocally lead jungle and atmospheric drum and bass, while still keeping a lot of the traditional sounds and styles from said genres; and third is vocalist and producer duo piri & tommy, whose main appeal has been taking in the more mellow, polished and laidback sounds of liquid drum and bass with a bright and cheery pop vocal delivery that pretty much seems designed to be the sound of the summer. as such, this whole mixtape pretty much functions with this modus operandi in mind, delivering a fair amount of solid liquid tracks, but also a couple of 2-step/uk garage crossovers here and there. the most apparent highs are definitely the singles, there's a reason why both soft spot and beachin got as big as they did, they're just impeccably written songs (aside from that one line in beachin about how she "got him bussin, he makin some mayo", didnt need to hear that one) with insanely catchy hooks and melodies; other stand outs that come to mind are can we with drum programming and sounds that wouldn't be out of place in a late 90's moving shadow track, and also the opener silver lining with a more slowed down and meditative breakbeat approach. the ukg tracks are also pretty solid, player 2 is pretty remarkable with its influences of french house in that filtered synth melody and also the only track where tommy villiers brings his own vocals to the table. it's generally a very enjoyable project all around but i can't help but feel that it doesn't quite reach the highs it set up with the singles throughout the course of the album; part of this i think has to do with the production, it feels somewhat anonymous in the sense that for the most part the instrumentals aren't super memorable, they could use with some more different synths or drum samples here and there that don't make them feel like they're subordinate to the vocals. i'm aware that tommy is at least familiar with some of the more modern developments in dnb and jungle, shouting out people like t>i or sherelle in some of his mixes, so this could all be easily remedied in future developments from the duo. there's a lot of potential for greatness, and they've already been able to make some very impressive and memorable songs, so it's all a matter of seeing how they progress from here and what else can they bring to the table. it's solid, overall.

favourite tracks: beachin, silver lining, soft spot

pongo - sakidila (2022) kuduro afrobeats, kizomba

got this one through a recommendation on twitter, mostly piqued my interest because i was already familiar with one song from hers, quem manda no mic from 2019, which is an energetic and lively tune led by an incessant saxophone melody that immediately brings up urban nightlife to mind, paired against an insanely catchy and inviting vocal performance from pongo herself, and also i had seen a short clip of her performing alongside buraka som sistema in a boiler room set and it was absolutely hype, so i figured this was worth a shot. to understand the foundations this album is built upon, one has to have a slight familiarity with the current sounds and scenes of african electronic music, specifically angola, the country pongo was born in: kuduro, the main genre represented in this album, has origins tracing back to the 1990s, going through several transformations and variations in terms of sound and subject matter until its eventual spread to europe and the usa in the late 2000s, thanks to acts like the aforementioned buraka som sistema from portugal; also worth mentioning is kizomba, a genre that stems from semba (a form of non-electronic, guitar led dance music from angola) but with slower rhythms and a mostly romantic subject matter and aesthetic, in a certain way similar to the different developments of samba (which would make sense considering both genres share the same origin) and axé in brazil. kuduro and kizomba have seen several developments and offshoots in recent years, the latter one especially as it has veered into a more electronic sound and has spawned different subgenres, with the portuguese label príncipe discos serving as the epicenter for said developments. outside of angola we have the recent surge of amapiano, a subgenre of house that combines piano melodies that you would typically hear in deep house with rhythmic influences from gqom, a south african electronic offshoot with stripped back yet hard hitting production and percussion, and we also need to mention the worldwide phenomenon that has been dancehall and its derivates in the last few decades, specifically the afrobeats sound pushed by nigerian artists like wizkid and rema in the last couple of years that has been influencing several artists in the western mainstream.

this is, evidently, just scratching the surface of a whole cultural paradigm, although it might seem a bit of an excessive explanation all of a sudden, but i feel like it's at least necessary to know the basics of all these different musical styles, because they are all represented in this album in several ways. the album kicks off with more laidback afrobeats and kizomba grooves in tracks like doudou and hey linda serving as the foundation for a melodic, softer performance from pongo, in comparison to the heavier, more energetic kuduro of songs like amaduro and wegue wegue (a rework of her 2008 track with buraka som sistema of the same name) in the second half of the record; in the midst of this duality, you get some sunkissed amapiano in the form of só amor and an almost reggaetón beat with some influences of tarraxinha (a slow-tempo offshoot of kizomba) in the track pica. the modus operandi through this album seems to focus in on several different musical styles being interwoven by pongo's vocal performance, making for a consistent project that showcases the cutting edge of african electronic music and pop/r&b in a significantly enticing manner. that being said, i'm gonna admit i came into this with the wrong mindset probably, i was sort of expecting something a lot more hard-hitting and energetic, so i was a bit taken aback by the laidback, chilled out sound of the first half of the record. don't get me wrong, the tracks themselves are definitely very solid, só amor especially with its inviting amapiano grooves and a sentimental and comforting vocal performance from pongo, it's just not what i was picturing in mind considering the small snippets of her that i was familiar with. she ends up delivering stuff along those lines anyhow, with the four-track run at the end being particularly of note, with very energetic production and vocal delivery, as well as the only two vocal features on the album from titica and mosty, who hold their own very well in their respective verses. it's an overall solid experience, functioning as a sort of "state of affairs" for the african musical scene with its versatility in sound but also as a proper introduction to an artist brimming with talent and ambition and a sign of bright things to come in her future, developing and forming her sound in a myriad of possible ways. as of right now, still, it's a very well rounded, worthwhile project.

favourite tracks: wegue wegue, só amor, goolo (feat. mosty)

[thefinalcinderella]

Kaze ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru Epilogue

After two long years...it’s finally time...time for my unnecessarily long pre-chapter ramble

When I first took on translating this novel, I didn’t expect it to be so long...probably the longest project I’ve done so far...even a pandemic happened

In a lot of ways my journey with this novel mirrors Chikusei-sou’s journey to the Hakone Ekiden. Like them, I also started out optimistic, ready to tackle this novel and thinking it’ll be easy, and then became daunted by all the challenges and the length, and then had to deal with real world stuff that interferes with my goal (though unlike them I did get distracted a little, see below), and then I got my shit together and slowly advanced to the end, page by page, not looking anywhere but ahead, and then I finally reached the end. Perhaps this novel is like my own Hakone Ekiden in a way (maybe I should go on a run)

So yeah these boys are all my boys now, after having spent so long with them, probably should watch their anime one of these days

A big shoutout to my editor @unicornjellybee , don’t know what I’d do without them considering I basically don’t look over whatever I type

I think after this I’ll be working on my backlog of Tsurune translations, just in time for the movie release next year, but I do need help on some things. More on that in a separate post

Plugging my other stuff:

Read DIVE!! please

Read Maydare here. It’s great

Read Super Cub here, haven’t watched the anime for this either

Here’s my Ko-fi if you want to support me

Feel free to make your own epubs (I say, shifting the responsibility onto other people)

Once again, thanks for sticking with me for so long! Time to go back and add those missing italics

Full list of translations here

Previous | 

The sweet scent of flowers blooming somewhere mingled with the evening air.

Thinking that it seemed like it was only a short time ago that he had come here with the residents of Chikusei-sou, Kurahara Kakeru stared at the Odakyu Line as it crossed the railway bridge. Spring had come again.

The windows of the train were already lit up. The flow of the Tama River today, which had begun to take on the colors of night, was still gentle, and there were no people on the riverbank. Kakeru gradually slowed down his jogging speed. A few steps down the bank, and the soft grass wrapped around his well-worn shoes.

Kakeru sat down on the bank and stared at the water reflecting the neon lights on the opposite shore for a while.

“Kakeru-san.”

Someone called out his name, and he turned around. A freshman who was going to join the track team this spring, was standing on the road above the embankment. When Kakeru nodded, he happily went over and sat down next to him.

“Have you been jogging all this time?” Kakeru asked. “Don’t get too carried away.”

“No, I just went to the shopping district to buy some groceries,” the freshman answered, looking a bit nervous. “It’s Jouji-san who’s getting carried away. He said, ‘Since we’re having a party tonight,’ and then bought a lot of meat and vegetables.”

He’s going to do yakiniku, Kakeru thought. Come to think of it, Jouta had borrowed a griddle from the lunch lady at the clubhouse during the day. I want to eat beef, but I also want to shop at Yaokatsu. Kakeru guessed that was what the twins had had in mind when they decided on the menu.

“It’s a shame that they’re going to tear it down,” the freshman said. “I wanted to live in Chikusei-sou too.”

“You’ll step through the floor.”

“Is that really true?”

“Yeah.”

I can’t believe it, the freshman laughed.

“Is everyone already there?” When Kakeru asked that, the freshman answered “yes” with a meek look on his face.

“That’s part of the reason why I came out for a jog. I don’t know any of the senpais there, so I didn’t know what to do.” The freshman straightened his seated posture. “What kind of person is Kiyose-senpai?”

“What kind…why?”

“Jouji-san said that Kakeru-san could have gone to a much stronger corporate team, but that you chose to join a newly established team because Kiyose-senpai was the coach.”

“A huge team doesn’t really suit me.”

“Is that so?” The freshman seemed unconvinced. “But I was a little excited. To think that I would be able to meet Kiyose-senpai. I decided to go to Kansei and become a member of the track team because I watched the Hakone Ekiden where he was the anchor.”

Kakeru tore at the grass on the riverbank and let the wind gently blowing over the bank scatter the blades.

“It’s getting cold. Shall we go back?”

Kakeru stood, and the freshman rushed to follow him. Kakeru casually matched the freshman’s pace as they ran.

“You asked what kind of person Haiji-san is, right?”

“Yes.”

“He’s a liar.”

“What?”

“He’s a very good liar, so be careful not to get tricked by him.”

The freshman seemed bewildered and only said “Huh?” Kakeru laughed slightly.

Even though he said he was fine. Haiji-san is a liar, as expected. He must have known he would never be able to run again, but even so, he kept lying to me on that day. In order to keep his promise with me—to make the dream we all had into reality.

I don’t know of any other lie that was so gallant, cruel, and beautiful.

They cut across the open field and ran along the narrow road in the residential area. The chimney of Tsurunoyu bathhouse appeared from beyond the low roofs of the houses. Their surroundings were completely covered in a dim light, and the smell of dinner overflowed from the windows of the houses facing the street, mixing together and melting into the spring air.

“I wonder if a liar would make a good coach,” the freshman muttered and tilted his head. “Even for your debut in the Hakone Ekiden, Kiyose-senpai was practically your coach, right? And now he’s the coach for a corporate team.”

“Well, who knows.”

Kakeru had never thought about what he was or wasn’t suited for. Kiyose was Kiyose. He was detached and easygoing at all times, but he always put himself in an athlete’s shoes and pursued running more seriously than anyone else, and he demanded his athletes be strict in their pursuit as well. Kiyose would always stand by those who tried to run and those who wished to run.

“I think that Haiji-san taught me everything,” Kakeru said. “Except for just one thing.”

“What is that one thing?”

What is running?

That was the only thing Kiyose hadn’t taught him. Maybe he couldn’t teach him.

Kakeru wanted to know the answer to that question, so he ran. He continued to run. There were times when he thought he had reached the top, but the feeling of accomplishment was fleeting and the answer was never in sight.

“You’ll understand soon enough,” Kakeru quietly said to the freshman running next to him. “If you keep running, you’ll surely understand it one day.”

When they turned the corner, the hedges of Chikusei-sou came into view along with the lively sounds of conversation. Nira, who had recently shortened his walks, was barking as though he was giving responses. The freshman disappeared into a break in the hedge and Kakeru followed.

A long-missed lineup of members was gathered in the garden of Chikusei-sou.

Nico-chan and Yuki were laughing with each other. Prince’s silhouette peeked through the windows of Chikusei-sou as he went around turning on the lights inside. Musa and Shindou were carrying over the meat that was done cooking. King was getting scolded by the landlord for letting Nira lick the alcohol. Hanako and the twins had their faces close together, talking happily about something.

This might be a dream, Kakeru thought. Maybe that dream-like year has come back.

When Kakeru stepped on the gravel and entered the premises, Kiyose, who was facing the griddle, smiled. He walked over with a cup of sake in both hands and his right leg slightly dragging behind him.

“Welcome home, Kakeru.”

“I’m back.”

Kakeru accepted the cup.

It was Chikusei-sou’s final night. Kakeru would leave here tomorrow.

Even if the day came when he wished to return, after tonight, Chikusei-sou would disappear. A new dormitory would be built here for the track and field team. But he didn’t feel lonely. Records were overwritten and disappeared, leaving only memories behind, but Kakeru now knew that it didn’t mean everything would be lost.

All the rooms in Chikusei-sou were lit up. Kakeru held up his cup and stared at the sake which reflected the gentle light for a short while.

“Haiji-san, do you remember?”

Kiyose only laughed quietly, without even asking, “What?”

Loud cheers erupted from a corner of the garden. Small out-of-season fireworks were set off, and the smell of damp gunpowder drifted into the sky. Kakeru followed the white trails of the smoke with his eyes alongside Kiyose.

A single grain of light vividly illuminated everyone in the garden with an equal amount of color.

He had spent an extremely eventful year with these irreplaceable people. He might never be able to experience such a time ever again. But still.

——Kakeru, do you like running?

That spring night four years ago, Kiyose had asked Kakeru that question. His expression had been so pure—as though he were asking about the act of living itself.

——I want to know. What it means to run.

Me too, Haiji-san. I want to know too. I’ve been running for a long time, but I still don’t know. Now, running has become like a question. From now on, I’ll never stop asking it.

I want to know.

So let’s go. Let’s run to the ends of the earth. The light of conviction is always in my heart and I can clearly see the narrow path stretching out in the darkness.

“Kakeru, hurry, hurry!”

Answering his friends’ calls, Kakeru and Kiyose stepped forward into the circle of people surrounding the griddle. 

Previous |

[veliseraptor]

Hi, lise...If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your favorite yunmeng shuangjie scenes/moments? And why? Sorry if you've answered this question before....

hoo boy okay I hope you’re ready for long because I’m constitutionally incapable of answering these kinds of questions without going hard. which is why it takes me so long and that’s why I have a backlog of 5 million inbox messages but what e v e r

I limited myself to five here because if I didn’t I’d just start listing every scene they interact in, and nobody wants that. or, well, I don’t want that, I’d lose a lot of time that way.

putting this under a cut because...yeah. long.

1. the original Yunmeng Shuangjie conversation in episode 14.

like! augh.  I’m not sure that this was the place where I was officially painfully ridiculously sold on their relationship as my favorite part of the show so far but it was a major contributing factor. There’s just so much going on here! In the way that it speaks to their history together, and in their family, and the roles they play.

I love, too, that Wei Wuxian specifically goes “twin jades? pfff. we’ve got our own thing going on that’s just as cool” because it’s doing double duty of making them a special thing in their own right and also, maybe even more importantly, reaffirming their bond as primary where Jiang Cheng at this point has been...well, a little uneasy about the space Lan Wangji has started to occupy in Wei Wuxian’s life. To say the least.

But maybe even most of all why this is such a gut punch for me personally: the promise Wei Wuxian is making to Jiang Cheng is one that you, the viewer, know isn’t going to work out. Thanks to the opening of episode one, and their interaction in episode two, it’s abundantly clear that something is going to go horribly wrong, and this close relationship is going to break, catastrophically.

And me being me I love the piquant taste of dramatic irony in the morning.

2. the argument in episode 27-28.

This is one of those moments where I never fail to get extremely emotional about it every time I watch this scene because it is so very ouch. The way that Jiang Cheng approaches Wei Wuxian with this guarded wariness, this prickliness and doubt, and how that breaks by the end into his desperate plea: “if you continue to protect them, then I can’t protect you!”

(different subtitles, so sue me.)

and I cry.

I’ve written before about how there’s...so much going on here. To break it down a little bit how about a bulleted list:

Jiang Cheng has been personal witness to - and personal target off - the current political winds, in a way that Wei Wuxian is not. He’s seeing and hearing how the cultivation world is talking about Wei Wuxian. He can see the way the wind is blowing very, very clearly, and what he sees is that Wei Wuxian is doomed if he stays the course - something Wei Wuxian either doesn’t or doesn’t want to see.

Jiang Cheng desperately wants Wei Wuxian to come home. Wei Wuxian can’t without abandoning the people relying on him, which would be both an ethical and emotional violation for him. His conflicting loyalties are coming to a head here but he still wants to have it both ways.

What Wei Wuxian sees as a mercy or releasing of obligation, a way of keeping Yunmeng Jiang and specifically Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli safe, Jiang Cheng sees as an abandonment/rejection - an affirmation that he, once again, just doesn’t matter enough.

It’s just...I cannot get over how clear-eyed Jiang Cheng’s assessment is. Whether or not you agree with his choices, he’s right, on a factual level. And I think Wei Wuxian knows that. But he’s on this road and he’s going to see it through, and he refuses to accept that he might not be able to. 

and I just. I cry.

3. the conversation post resurrection.

Jiang Cheng cornering Wei Wuxian with the very animal he swore to always protect him from! party foul, yes, but also oh boy psychologically crunchy in every way. This confrontation, their first after Wei Wuxian’s resurrection where they both know and know they know the truth of who Wei Wuxian is, is so full of pain and hurt and anger.

it’s just! so much. Jiang Cheng’s see-sawing back and forth between “why didn’t you come back home!!!” (the question he’s always had) and “why aren’t you still dead!!!” Wei Wuxian murmuring about wanting to go back to Lotus Pier, calling for Jiang Yanli (Jiang Yanli, the biggest wound between them, her absence so very palpable in that moment).

There’s so much both of them want here, and so much that’s not being said, and can’t be said. The overwhelming pressure of their history - Jiang Cheng’s sixteen years of grief and anger raw all over again, and Wei Wuxian's exhaustion and misery.

it’s excruciatingly painful and I love it.

4. the conversation in Guanyin Temple.

so I spent, like, most of the latter half of the show waiting for a moment between Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng where things would break and I’d get the emotional sibling catharsis feelings that I needed and boy did this deliver. like! other people have written far more coherent meta about this scene than I probably ever could because when I think about it I’m just sort of reduced to dragging my hands down my face and making distressed noises punctuated with wild gestures and cries of “THEM!!!”

the crying! the ugly crying, the ugly emotions, the big secret between them that set off the beginning of the rift in their relationship laid bare. it’s this moment of naked emotional vulnerability for both of them, and while it doesn’t resolve things, while it leaves them both in a place, I think, where they’re prone to go ‘well, he’s done with me now’ - it also opens a door where that doesn’t have to be the case. Wei Wuxian’s tenderness. The gesture he makes here, too, touching Jiang Cheng’s face, echoes the gesture Jiang Yanli makes touching Wei Wuxian’s just before she dies.

(echoes what jiang fengmian does before he goes off to die. how’s that for pain?)

it’s just. wild gestures. them. oh, boys. so much hurt, so much pain, and at the root of it so much goddamn love.

I’m going to go on and slide in here additionally the moment where Jiang Cheng tosses Wei Wuxian Chenqing because boy does that say a lot in a relatively simple gesture.

5. meeting in Yiling with Jiang Yanli.

This scene is...I described it from Jiang Cheng’s POV remembering in a fic as "like looking at children in the path of a rockslide, unaware of what was bearing down on them, such a short time away. Oblivious.” and that’s how I feel watching it. It’s so cute, and sweet, and Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian love Jiang Yanli so much, and Jiang Cheng has suggested Jiang Yanli ask Wei Wuxian to give his unborn nephew his courtesy name and then gets embarrassed when she outs him about it, he and Wei Wuxian tease each other.

I love it. There’s just this sweetness and happiness that they’re having, in this moment, in this tiny courtyard,  because this little separate hidden place is the only place, now, where they can be together, where they can be family as they once were.

And it’s not going to last. And the viewer, once again, can feel the gathering storm bearing down on them, and know it’s only going to end in tragedy.

This is the last time they see each other before it all goes wrong.

BONUS:

[ambassadorquark]

here’s a long post about a bunch of webcomics i love and recommend. i’ve certainly read & liked other ones and have just lost track of them somehow but these are like, mostly classics that basically anyone who reads newer webcomics will recommend to you and a couple i’ve found more recently that i loved. tried to limit it to FAVES that update pretty regularly or are already completed so you can get quality stories out of it but it still ended up mammoth so uh, it’s goin’ under a readmore

namesake - super long-running comic with beautiful art, consistent and frighteningly frequent updates, made by Webcomics Pros. it’s about people who have the ability to enter the worlds of essentially any fairy tales in which the protagonists happen to share their name, and the lore only gets more intricate from there. this one is a very engaging archive binge as it’s been running for about a million years

gunnerkrigg court - honestly if you’re not already reading gunnerkrigg court i'd be very surprised since this is another one that’s been going easily since the invention of webcomics (not really, but THAT ARCHIVE!). i don’t know how to summarize it beyond saying it STARTS as a story about a girl attending a quirky boarding school and is now kind of a sweeping epic about the intersection of technology, nature, and divinity. there’s time travel or something in there now?! you will love renardine. i love renardine

paranatural - another one i’m sure you’re already reading and if not, WHY? it’s a fun li’l action-comedy about middle schoolers fighting ghosts with the help of other ghosts. has been running for a good while and gone through some weird changes but is also probably one of the funniest serial comics i’ve ever read

he is a good boy - a super weird, cerebral, since-finished comic by online comics vet KC Green, about a little acorn finally leaving the tree he grew on after it dies. this one has more “adult” content than any of the previous ones, but if you can handle some cartoony gore and obscenity it’s really funny, strange, and worth checking out

anything by evan dahm tbh - these come recommended by absolutely anyone with taste because evan dahm makes beautiful fantasy comics. rice boy and order of tales are both completed and have a bizarre, super-unique setting and bittersweet approach to these delicate, human stories (despite having no actual human characters). vattu is still currently running and is a slightly more grounded fantasy comic about a little girl from a nomadic hunter-gatherer culture getting caught up in the machinery of the empire that’s moving in on the land where she was born. cannot recommend these enough TBH

also anything on johnny wander - this site contains a bunch of comics by a couple of married comics pros; a big backlog of their really funny, charming autobio comics, the entirety of their graphic novel lucky penny, a whole bunch of shorter comics you might have seen around, and also their new, longer-form webcomic barbarous, which is about a wizard school dropout who’s appointed as a super at an apartment building full of weird magical folks. recommended because there’s a lot of quality stuff in there for you

the sword interval - on webtoon, completed. legit my favorite thing i’ve read in a hot minute. modern fantasy about a young woman who tracks down a legendary, but retired monster hunter for help on her quest to find and kill the lich-like being who killed her parents. gorgeous art, super awesome monster designs, twists on twists, characters you will never want anything bad to happen to ever. reggie the golem.

widdershins - a pretty well established comic i only just read recently. a series of connected stories following different characters from a big ensemble cast and their various adventures in a magical town in victorian west yorkshire. full of fun old-timey shit and wizards. i read it obsessively in like a day. super funny, super long archive. extremely endearing characters who you also will never want anything bad to happen to.

the last halloween - abby howard is a godly horror artist who’s been doing this comic since her style and sense of humor were almost completely different, but the story really does grow as it goes and is both very spooky and very funny. book one is about a little girl facing the potential extinction of humanity after the spontaneous appearance of billions of monsters. it’s currently in book 2, which is a direct sequel about different characters that actually updates sporadically at the moment because the artist is making other cool stuff. definitely still worth it though. gets intense as hell

string theory - this one got back into regular updates pretty recently! i’m linking the about page, not the homepage, because this one is about nasty people doing nasty things and there’s a few CWs that the author mentions right in the summary. it��s an alternate history sci-fi set in a near future where the USA was devastated by nuclear weapons after the cuban missile crisis but is mostly a character driven story about a jerkhole scientist having a terrible couple years. i can’t explain this one at all. if you like terrible men as much as i do you’ll probably enjoy it

tiger, tiger - a beautifully drawn maritime fantasy about a young noblewoman who impersonates her sea captain brother in order to launch an expedition to study sea sponges. there is a sexy nonbinary sea monster character if that sweetens the pot for you any. awesome, subtly integrated worldbuilding. super funny and charming. i love this one a whole bunch

bybloemen - i’m not just recommending this because i’m vague internet acquaintances with the author, it’s ALSO an extremely one-of-a-kind comic about the dutch tulip mania, and also demons. the art is gorgeous and the character designs are some of my favorites out there in newer webcomics. just kind of an extremely good concept that i think everyone should check out. and it’s funny, duh

mare internum - completed. an extremely affecting sci-fi set on Mars. you really just have to read this one, honestly. i’m also linking to the about page on this one because it contains CWs to keep in mind; it’s an incredibly well-constructed character study of some flawed, complicated people and also awesome if you like space aliens.

ozzie the vampire - another supernatural action-comedy because i know what i like, about a recently turned vampire girl and her best friend defending their small new jersey town from demons. super funny, super exciting, and really grounded and realistic for a story that’s about a vampire punching demons. the artist is also a superhuman wizard who draws a whole other comic, a shounen inspired action story called station square that you should check out if you end up liking ozzie.

[umbrahighpriestofgiratina]

Divided I Fall

IT'S FINALLY DONE! I am so sorry this took so fucking long, it took me like a year to write because my art brain forcibly took over my body for a stupid amount of time but now it is DONE and you can SEE it with your EYEBALLS. Anyway... This, This is a project I have been planning for YEARS but took some stuff lining up just right for it to sift to the top of my oneshot backlog. It is, to keep it simple and not spoil too much, an origin story for a character that's shown up in my stuff before.

As one important note before I begin... This fic stars a character of a fakemon species known as Vahirom, created by @kynimdraws on Tumblr/kyleenim on Twitter, used with permission. If you steal it I will be offended on her behalf and personally boil your toes. Got it?

ANYWAY:

Divided I Fall

Zygarde had a dilemma.

Unova had too many humans and they had it too good. But there was nothing they could do to thwart them without letting the other Legends in on his game. What to do?

As they stewed on this, lurking on the edge of civilization, they looked up, and there they saw it.

A meteor, careening down toward the nearby hills. It crashed, sending out sparks of light and a shockwave, which Zygarde weathered easily. They were a god, after all.

"Lots of those since AZ broke the sky," they muttered.

They slithered through the earth until they got to the impact crater, emerging in its center to find, surprise surprise, a meteor. However, it was one they could tell was a Metionite, a kind made of an extremely rare, alien ore.

It was then they got an idea.

An awful idea.

Zygarde got a wonderful, awful idea.

They started burrowing their own cells into the Metionite, pumping it full of energy. Godly energy. Draconic energy. The Meteonite contracted and curved until it turned into a small gray orb.

Zygarde tapped it.

And it burst to life.

--------

What am I?

What is this place?

Those were my first thoughts as I gazed around, wide-eyed, until my eyes fell on a strange green and black titan.

"Who are you? Who am I?"

"I am Zygarde, the guardian of order, and you are my creation!" the titan said in a booming voice.

"You created me?"

"Yes! For one purpose!"

The titan pointred a claw to the southwest. "There's an infestation of these pests called humans around thataway. Deal with them for me."

I looked in that direction. Seemed simple enough.... But something didn't feel right.

"...Very well."

Tubes extended from my shoulders and attached to my tail as my wings flared. I took off.

-------

I arrived to find strange structures,domes, blocks and pyramids, and walking among them strange creatures. Were these the humans Zygarde mentioned? "Deal with them." What did that even mean?

I got closer and as I did they started acting strangely. They seemed... Afraid?

"You creatures! What are you?"

They were making loud screams now. They didn't seem less afraid. Maybe they couldn't understand me? How DO I talk to them then? Come on, think think think-

~-Think!~

Thehumans stopped, gazed up. I had communicated by... Thinking really hard?

~Uh... Humans! I mean you no harm! I just wish to... Deal with you!~

The humans started murmuring among each other before a more elaborate-looking human came forth.

"You, great dragon! What do you propose as a deal?"

Oh, I can understand THEM fine. But good question...

~Let me think.~

What do I even tell this person? I guess... If they were afraid of me, they had other things to be afraid of. That wasn't good. Maybe...

"If you give me shelter and a home, I will aid you however I can. Is that a satisfactory deal?"

The elaborate human slowly blinked several times slowly before rapidly nodding.

":We will accept your offer... B=but my warriors will keep an eye on you."

I looked to the "warrior" humans he spoke of. They were trembling. Everyone was looking at me with unease,

This would take some adjusting.

-------------

I was in my own corner of the city, surrounded by more of these warriors. They were taking shifts watching me, but they all seemed scared. Almost as if they felt if I tried anything they couldn't stop me.

I didn't feel like doing anything that needed stopping... but then I wasn't sure WHAT to do. I had made the deal with the humans but I wasn't sure how to enact i-

Just then I heard a roar, in the distance. The warriors looked to me, then to the source of the sound. They seemed confused that it wasn't me. Soon another warrior rushed up to them.

"T-there's a Scolipede trying to take over the farmland!"

"O-one of those? Why?"

"They're immensely territorial! It claimed the farms as its own!"

What was this beast? The humans needed help. But they wouldn't let me help...

...Then again they couldn't stop me.

I activated my tail turbine and lifted off as the warriors panicked, and I jetted off to where the other warrior had came from.

---------

When I arrived there was indeed a large, purple, insectoid Pokémon rampaging about. Several warriors and their Pokémon were trying to pierce its chitinous armor, to no avail. It was much bigger than the humans, that's for sure.

...But it was much smaller than me.

I flew ove4r to and landed right in front of it. It looked up but seemed unphased.

"What do YOU want?"

"I want you to stop bothering these humans."

"Why should I? This is MY turf." "No it's not. As far as I can tell the humans were here first." "Well it's mine now."

I narrowed my eyes. "Leave. Now."

The Scolipede scoffed. "Make me."

"If you insist."

I flicked him with a claw.

He went sailing back into a tree with a very loud thud and collapsed, unconscious.

Humans started gathering around, looking on in awe. Then they started cheering. It was only then I realized the magnitude of what I'd done.

-------------

Things changed after that rather quickly. Or, they did from my perspective anyway.

The humans, after that, regarded me as a protector. Not only that, they gave me authority. It wasn't much at first, I started as captain of the warrior, but as time went on and I helped the humans more and more I ascended to the right-hand mon of their rulers.

They called me Vahirom, or more commonly, the Iron Arbiter.

They adored me. And I grew to adore them. They cared for me and I cared for them back. And after time things changed. I learned how to alter my form to be like them.

It started simply, firsty with mimicking their speech, but then I started to learn how to alter my physical form, this way and that way, until I had come to resemble them in my own way. It was at that point the Iron Arbiter was both a dragon Pokémon and a human.

And someone didn't like that at all.

One day they returned, while I was alone, sitting on the throne the humans built for me. I looked up into their glowing green eyes as they glared down into mine.

"What is THIS? This isn't what you were supposed to be doing! And why do you LOOK like them?" They stomped a foot on the ground.

I sighed. "It is less intimidating to them than my natural draconic form. And why do YOU look like them? Don't you have forms that are oh so superior?" They winced, and in an instant cells swirled around them to return them to a more traditional serpentine form. "Only to subvert them, manipulate them. You do it for sick kicks! You were supposed to DESTROY them, not help them!"

"There is no need to destroy them. They are flawed yes, but have kindness and charity in their hearts if you know where to find it. I seek to bring that out in them. "You're wrong! All humans are a sin against the natural order! MY order! They need to be purged!"

"Your view is dangerous. And I will not have you threaten my people."

I grew and stretched and bent into my true, draconic form.

"You may have given me life, but I am not yours. They are not yours. Leave, or I will force you to."

Zygarde hesitated, then let out a long, pronounced hisss before disintegrating into cells and vanishing.

I sighed again, then resumed my post.

-----------

Decades passed, that turned into centuries. I saw many humans and their Pokémon come and go, and cherished them all dearly while they lasted.

But then one day two were born that would change my life forever, for better and for worse.

They were twins, born to the current queen and king. They were shown to me soon after they were born. They were lumpy and chubby as human babies were but they had fire and lightning in their eyes from the start.

And thus their parents named them Tentay and Pethakhon, Ancient Unova's words for fire and lightning. As usual, I was assigned to be their guardian. I did not realize then how special they would be to me - and how that would be my downfall.

-------------

The children grew quickly. Their tiny grasping hands grew inquisitive, groping for anything they could reach. At first, I let them pull and tug at my human form, but as they grew older and nimbler I allowed them to play on my dragon form as well.

Eventually they started to talk.

"Say mama!" "Say dada!" their parents clamored. But every time they both pointed at me and said "va va!"

They didn't care. They just laughed.

When they got old enough to learn, I was their teacher. I taught them.... Well, not everything I knew, I was too ancient and powerful for that, but I tried to teach them a good amount. And I definitely tried to answer their many questions.

"How old are you?" asked Tentay. "Older than you can comprehend."

"What's your favorite food?" asked Pethakhon.

"I do love corn cakes."

"Do your parents let you stay up past bedtime?" asked Tentay.

I had to pause and think about that one. My only "parents" were Zygarde and the stars, so...

"I don't listen to my parents. I do what I want."

The twins gasped and looked at each other eagerly. "You can DO that?" they said. I chuckled. "I can. You probably shouldn't until you get older."

The two visibly deflated.

"Not fair..." said Pethakhon.

"I guess we have to listen..." said Tentay.

"No way! We can't!" said Pethakhon. "But we gotta! Or we'll get in trouble!"

"Nuh-uh! We can do it!

I chuckled. By all means this was amusing.

And yet. Something deep inside felt off.

------------

It came suddenly, swiftly.

The king and queen fell ill, from a terrible disease. They were isolated, only taken care of by a select few.

It was too little, too late.

A grand funeral was held, several ceremonies, a feast, a fitting sendoff. But none of it filled the hole in all our hearts.

Especially not the twins'.

I visited their room afterwards., They were huddled in a corner together, curled up, sitting only a few inches apart. In human form to fit in the room, I pulled them into an embrace.

"I know better than to say it's all right, but... I am here for you."

"But... Mom and dad... They're gone forever," said Tentay.

"They're never coming back... What's gonna happen to us?" said Pethakhon.

I sighed. "I have seen many leave forever just as they did. I can escape it, it is both a gift and a curse, but for your kind it is inevitable. But it is not truly the end. You two will grow to be great, and your children, and your children's children, and so on. I assure you of this. You can pick up the pieces and carry on in their stead. They would want you to."

"...Okay, Va." said Pethakon.

"...I guess so, Va," said Tentay.

They nestled into my arms further. I patted their heads.

We stayed that way a while.

--------------

The two started to near adulthood for their kind, and thus I started teaching them how to rule. . ~Now, you two, I have a question.~

They both shifted in their seats in the courtyard we were in. Teenagers were antsy about being taught. Especially when their teacher was an ancient and powerful dragon.

~Say that there is a famine. What are your main options for dealing with such a thing?~

"Simple," said Tentay. "You spend the royal budget on improving the crops."

~Ah, but such a solution would be expensive... And could be unsustainable."~

"Then we improve the harvest infrastructure over time!" said Pethakhon enthusiastically.

~Yet that could take a long time. Too long. People could starve.~

"Well my method is clearly better!" said Tentay. "It gets more immediate results!"

"You're wrong!" said Pethakhon. "MY plan won't doom us all later!" "It MIGHT not. It will definitely make people starve."

"We have to consider the future!" "The future is NOW, Pethakhon."

"Moron!"

"Imbecile!"

The two continued arguing like this until they finally noticed me waggling a claw mockingly.

~Now now now. Have you considered these solutions aren't mutually exclusive?"

The two of them stared at me. Then started sheepishly rubbing their heads.

"You have a point..." said Tentay. "That could work.." said Pethakhon.

~See?" I said. "If you work against each other nothing gets done. But if you work together...~

"Yes, we understand the moral, well done," said Pethakhon. "Why must we learn things we know already?" said Tentay.

~Because with you two it bears repeating.~

The two blinked and staredbefore rubbing their heads sheepishly again.

"...You have a point," said Tentay.

"We'll. We'll work on it.." said Pethakhon.

I simply smirked.

------------

They quickly became adults, true kings of Unova, and soon their first test was upon them. The ruler of a desert kingdom smack dab in the middle of Unova was a Volcarona by the name of Heliana. Shee was called before them for a diplomatic meeting, and we all assembled on the border between the desert and greener land.

"Why hello there!" said Heliana, floating before us.

Tentay and Pethakhon stared then turned to me, each whispering.

"She, uh, is a little hard to--" Pethakhon started to say.

"She's a Pokémon, but she can't speak telepathically, so we can't understand her," said Tentay.

"...That." said Pethakhon.

I chuckled. ~Don't worry, I can translate. She just says hi.~

The two nodded and turned back to Heliana.

"Right, hello," said Pethakhon.

"Shall we get down to business?" said Tentay.

"Oh, yes, yes!" said Heliana. "There was a matter of grave importance I wished to speak of with you! It was... Oh, hm, what was it..."

"She isn't very professional," Tentay whispered.

"Shhh!" said Pethakhon, nudging him.

"Oh! I remember now! It was wood!" said Heliana.

"Wood?" said Pethakhon. "My kingdom doesn't exactly have many trees," said Heliana. "I want cedar in particular! I'll offer you our finest textiles and minerals in return!":

"Hmmm. But we need the cedar for-"

"Shhh!" said Pethakhon. "She's making us a great offer!"

"More like a ridiculous one. We can't give her all that cedar!" "But we need the minerals and textiles!"

"She hasn't even specified WHAT minerals and textiles! Think before you leap!" "Well ask her!"

"Fine!"

Tentay took a deep breath and looked Heliana straight in the compound eyes. "You're being awfully vague about what those "minerals" and "textiles" are... Could you be more specific?"

"Oh! Lots of iron, copper... and Silk! Me and my babies spun the silk ourselves!"

"Wait, the silk comes from-" Tentay started to say.

"Sounds great!" said Pethakhon. We'll-"

"No. We need that cedar."

~Now now you two.~ I said. ~Put your heads together. Your wants and needs aren't mutually exclusive.~

They stared. And blinked. And... Well they didn't literally put their heads together but they did start mutually putting their hands to their chins thinking.

"There's some places we could grow... Cedar groves?" said Tentay.

"Yes! And we could loan those groves out to you!" said Pethakhon.

"They would take a while to grow normally but our Grass-types can make them grow faster!" said Tentay.

"Excellent!" said Heliana. "It's a deal! And Hekla and Katla will get started on the silk straight away!"

"Hekla and Katla?" said Pethakhon.

"Who?" said Tentay.

It was then two Larvesta emerged from Heliana's fuzz and divetackled Tentay and Pethakhon each with cries of "Friend! Friend! Friend!"

"My children!" said Heliana. "They spin the finest silk in all the land!"

"Well they sure are cute," said Pethakhon, holding up Hekla to get a good look at her.

"Easy little one," said Tentay, cradling Katla.

I just smiled.

---------------

I was in my throne room, and human again. I was alone, and it was quiet... until I heard a telltale slithering again.

"...Hello Zygarde."

The serpent congeals in a flash from their cells before me.

"You're still doing this. Why are you still doing this."

"They appreciate my help. And they are clearly better in my hands than yours."

The snake withed, their form rippling.

"Look, if you can't stop yourself from messing MY order up, I WILL."

I scoffed. "How?"

"You're awfully fond of those two humans, aren't you?"

My eyes widened. I clenched my fingers on my seat. "...Petty threats will get you nowhere."

"Oooh, I struck a nerve, didn't I? Don't worry, I won't do anything to them... Physically anyway. Unless you try to warn them that is, in which case I can always arrange an accident...."

I shifted to dragon form, knocking several things over in the process. "What are you planning, Zygarde?"

"How does the saying go, something something for me to know and you to find out?"

I roared and slashed at them with a claw, but before I made contact they scattered into cells and disappeared from whence they came. Guards rushed into the room shortly after. "Arbiter! Is everything all right?"

I panted heavily, looking at where Zygarde had gone, before turning to the guard.

~It's... It's fine. Just spooked by a shadow.~

--------------

From there it became apparent something was very quickly going wrong.

It started small at first. The brothers being more snippy with each other than they were before. But it soon blew up into full-on arguments, and everything I had raised them to do was falling apart before my eyes.

I knew exactly why.

I stalked the halls of the castle until I found a hound, ducking and weaving through the corridors.

"You!"

The hound stopped, looking smug. "What is it?"

"What are you doing to them?"

"Oh nothing much. A lie about one here, a rumor about the other there, did you realize exactly how easy it is to turn them against each other?"

"How... How dare you!"

I fired a metallic burst, a small-scale version of my Origin Flare, but they were already gone, and the brilliant beams of light only sank into the corridor, reducing chunks of it to rubble.

It was then I panicked. As long as Zygarde could keep spreading their lies...

...There was nothing I could do.

------------

Soon enough came a day that would come down in history as a fateful one.

The two of them were having a particularly heated, particularly philosophical argument about the future of the kingdom. Said argument was happening in the throne room, right in front of me, a dragon silently watching as their two human charges escalated to potential civil war right before their eyes.

"Do you really think your deluded visions would ever lead this kingdom to greatness?" said Tentay, "Your ideals will only bring ruin!"

"Your plan is built on a flawed foundation," said Pethakhon, "and faulty delusions of truth!"

It was becoming all too clear for me.

They would not reconcile this time.

I would have to choose one.

...But I couldn't.

I couldn't possibly-

One side of me wanted one. Another wanted the other.

But I couldn't choose.

I couldn't I couldn't I couldn't I couldn-

CRACK

-------------

When I awoke, I could not move. I had reverted to the God Stone I use to sleep and could not get out.

But I could see everything. I could see Tentay and Pethakhon beholding two dragons that I quickly realized had split off from me, by sheer will to leave neither one behind. I could also see I had rolled off to the side, where no one could see me.

But if those two pieces of me were out there... What was the rest of me doing in here?

As I wondered this I witnessed the argument between the two brothers escalate further, and eventually they stormed out of the room.

Time passed. Day turned into night. Then the serpent came.

"Well well well, that was an entertaining show. I knew your powers were unstable but I never expected them to do THAT. Oh well, it works out for me plenty - those two idiots you were so protective of will decimate humanity by their actions, and those bits of you that spawned for them will only help.

I wriggled in my prison, trying desperately to escape and put Zygarde in their place. They noticed and chuckled.

"Oh how foolish. Don't try too hard to escape dear. You don't know what schisming off so much of your power has done to you."

Their form rippled.

"And besides. It's too late for you. I've already won."

He gave a hearty, echoing laugh as he dissipated into cells and disappeared.

----------

Throughout the night, I continued to wriggle and squirm. I HAD to fix this, I HAD to prove Zygarde wrong, I HAD to-

And then I broke free.

And then I felt it.

I could tell I was not the being I used to be. I felt weak. I felt empty. There was a gnawing hunger and emptiness at the bottom of my soul that I could not overcome.

I staggered through the hallways of the castle, in confusion and pain, when I came upon two guards, who recoiled at my approach.

"H-Halt! What monstrous kind of P-Pokémon are you?" said one.

I looked at that guard. And I hungered. The emptiness gnawed at me as I yearned for something to fill it.

I lunged.

The other guard screamed as my fangs sunk into his compatriot. I started devouring him, purely by instinct, rending flesh from bones.

"M-Monster! Monster!"

It is then I snapped back to my senses and realized exactly what I was doing.

I tried to say, "Wait, no, you don't understand!" but all it came out as was staticky buzzing. Then the guard fled.

Overwhelmed with grief, shock, and horror, it was then I did the same, leaving the tall pyramid castle I had called my home for centuries and never turning back.

-----------

I holed up in the crater I had first crash-landed in from thereon out, never emerging. Still, I saw many things.

I saw Unova burnt by a deluge of fire and electricity.

I saw Unova rebuild, become more technologically advanced, more close totheir Pokémon, then further away, then closer again.

I saw people settle the area where I lived, and grow to fear me as others had.

I saw one bit of kindness from a boy from those people.

I saw the white dragon that split from me return, join with me once more, filling my emptiness but causing her unbearable pain that racked me with guilt.

I saw all this, but one thing remained the same, for the most part.

I was alone. And I was unsure if that would ever truly change.

So all I could do was mourn all I had lost.

***

Bit of a downer, huh. But I hope you enjoyed it! WILL Kyurem's situation get better? We'll have to find out later - I've got other shit I've really got to get to writing.

[prolestariwrites]

Are you still writing? I don't see you post as much stuff anymore.

I’m still here, alive and kicking and writing lol… I hope you don’t mind but I’m going to use this ask to give an update on me and what I’ve been doing.

The truth is, I write almost every single day. I have dozens of drafts and another dozen of nearly complete fics for different fandoms. I have some one shots that I never got around to publishing. I also have outlines for stories that I might or might not get around to doing. I have full fics that I’ve written in a discord server with my writing pals that are waiting for me to copy and paste into a document so I can edit and upload.

I’m going to go into my thoughts on these things, where I’m at, and what I’m working on under the cut. Maybe if you’re reading this you can help me piece it all together?

First I want to acknowledge that at least half of what I write, I do with my friend and writing partner @solynacea. We have novels of unpublished stuff that we’ve done just for fun that has never gotten published, and maybe never will. A lot of what I’ve written has been done with them, and many times we’re onto the next idea before editing and uploading and I think we’ve forgotten about half the stories we’ve written, lost into Google chat backlogs until one of us remembers something we can search to find it.

So if I’m doing all this writing, where is it? The truth I guess is that I’m still writing, but for a while I just haven’t been into publishing. And this isn’t going to be a sob story about not getting enough attention or credit, because I stopped looking at kudos and comments a long, long time ago. I like publishing my work because I like to know it’s somewhere where I can find it easily again. (My Google drive is a hot mess.) I like knowing that there is someone who read it and saved it to come back to again. If each of my fics has just that one person, I’m cool with it.

For me, writing is fun and publishing is work. I need to edit, I need to find visuals, I need to think of a title and write a summary and actually remember to update with new chapters. I need to be ready for other people to read it. So I’ve adapted this habit of writing without expecting to publish, and it’s helped me flourish.

But it’s also made me pretty inept at getting anything to the point where it can go on AO3. There is an expectation when publishing that things should be a bit polished. I’ve never been one to just throw whatever up unless I knew it would be finished, because I get the sense that people hate unfinished work. Am I wrong?

If you are asking about NnT, anon, I think we can agree that it’s unfortunately a bit dead. I do have one story to finish, The Dark Fate. I also have some outlines done, a bunch of completed or nearly (like just need one more chapter written) fics, some that were started and left halfway through.

But in general I feel like I’ve told the bulk of the stories I had for NnT. I don’t have much more left. Which really kind of sucks because it was the perfect place for a content creator. There were enough characters that you could interpret in a lot of ways, plenty of lore left undiscovered to flesh out, just fantasy enough to not get caught up in real-world locations or rules, but also not so big you get lost. Yet NnT is over and I’m not feeling the sequel. There’s just no inspiration.

I’m writing for a BNHA zine which is fun, and Kacchako is still one of my fave ships of all time. I have a story I’ve started about them that I can’t seem to get any gas on. The space though feels too big. I enjoy more of what other people do than what I can make myself. I do still want to write this fic though.

As for DMC, it was a nice place to hang my hat for a while, but I’m feeling like I’ve run out of things for it too. I wrote the things I wanted to say about Dante, Vergil, and Nero. I have a couple more chapters to do on The Wish and started writing a steampunk AU, but once those are done I’ll probably close the book, at least for a while. Writing in this fandom wasn’t at all what I expected coming from NnT, and the culture shock sort of zapped the inspiration for me, even though I’ve had a great time and met some great people. I also ended up liking the reboot more than the main games and finding anyone else in the same boat is like a needle in a haystack.

So what’s next? I’m on the hunt for inspiration. I’ve been catching up on Resident Evil and started writing for it. I’ve been editing an original work (supposed to be anyway, haha) and writing more original work with solynacea. I’ve tried my hand at the Witcher and looked into getting into other fandoms but nothing is striking my inspiration. Tried writing threads for a bit but it’s not my style. There are tons of things that I love, but it’s a whole other ballgame to have your own stories to tell outside of the original, and that’s what I’m waiting on.

I hope if you’ve read this far you can see that it’s not a lack of motivation or interest, just inspiration. I'm an author in need of a new home, so to speak. I’m not in a writing rut, and there are thousands and thousands of words unpublished that I’ve written over the past year since my publishing slowed down. I hope that RE can give me that push, and if it doesn’t, I’ll look for something else. Any ideas, anon?

In the meantime, I wonder, do you guys want rough or partially-finished stories though? Let me know. I can publish if you guys know what you’re getting into by reading it lol. And I don’t mind comments when people ask if I’ll ever finish xyz fic or asks like these that are about what I’m up to, so hit me up any time.