#I have a very stupid sense of humor thus I love this scene

[lonestarss]

wait, I misunderstood the assignment. BOOTHILL AND TIGHNARI FOR THE ASK GAME!

BLORBO SQUARED HOLY SHIT!!!!! sorry if this turns out to be like a novel i'm so normal about these two specifically i promise

my first impression

tighnari: i thought he was so cute and funny but also so goddamn pale. i remember getting really into his dialogue because unlike other genshin characters he actually had a backbone

boothill: it was love at first sight tbh. i was immediately like "COWBOY??? FREAKY COWBOY THAT HATES THE IPC??" because i'm gay and southern, and as we got to know more and more i got So Much Worse.

my impression now

tighnari: FUCKKKKK. he's my second favorite genshin character. i love how kind and caring he is and i love how he chooses to be that kind. i love how much he devotes himself to his work. i love his "do no harm, take no shit" mentality. i even learned to love his fuckass bob in time.

boothill: he got me back into honkai star rail after nearly a year of not interacting with it. i'm obsessed with him. he feels like an oc because of how tailor made he is for me. he's sooooo fucked up and soooooo goddamn tragic and i love how weirdly respectful hoyoverse was with coding him as indigenous. i just. fuck there's so much i love about both of them but i'm already yapping enough so.

favorite thing about that character

tighnari: i love how fucking mean he is at times! like i said his backbone and standing up for others was a big appealing factor for me.

boothill: HE'S SO SILLY........ LIKE DESPITE EVERYTHING HE'S KEPT HIS WHIMSY AND SENSE OF HUMOR.......... also his synesthesia beacon malfunctioning is the funniest shit ever as a southerner who swears like a sailor.

least favorite thing

tighnari: like acheron, it's unfortunately his design. i get what they were trying to do but they just... didn't execute it that well imo.

boothill: his stupid emo bangs and the way that some of his dialogue is written irks me a little bit. it's very "trying to make it Really Clear that he has a southern accent" especially in his character stories, which doesn't even make sense to me because his accent isn't even that thick??

favorite line/scene

tighnari: "don't be afraid to make mistakes. it's all part of the learning process."

boothill: "in this life, you gotta believe in some things and doubt others. believe in folks' good intentions, the value of courage, and all that other hodgepodge. but never believe that these good things will just fall into your lap— you gotta make them happen."

favorite interaction that character has with another

tighnari: i don't think i have to answer this one for him, do i.

boothill: he hasn't interacted with many characters thus far, but i do really love his dynamic with argenti. can't pick out a specific scene right now though.

a character that I wish that character would interact with more

tighnari: DEHYA AND CANDACE..... THEY COULDV'E BEEN SO GOOD AS BESTIES BUT THEY BARELY DID ANYTHING WITH THEM

boothill: if we ever got canon gallahill interactions oh i would've been sooooo insufferable. be grateful it never happened.

another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character

i'm unsure for both of them lmao

a headcanon about that character

tighnari: have i spread the demisexual tighnari agenda enough lately? i don't think so. WOE ACESPEC NARI BE UPON YE

boothill: he has pica and was that kid on the playground that would eat grass and sand. now that he has a cyborg body, he can indulge these whims without harming himself.

a song that reminds of that character

tighnari: pink + white by frank ocean

boothill: baby said by måneskin

an unpopular opinion about that character

tighnari: neither of his english voices are good. please hop on chinese/korean tighnari.

boothill: jokes about boothill being a cowboy/southern became stale and tacky back in may. why do you think him not being perfectly literate is funny? answer quickly.

favorite picture

2 apples tall nari + boothill being cuntyyyyyyy. honorable mentions go to the tighnari sitting emote and boothill's battle pass pfp

[ruiniel]

Perfectly fine

Fandom: The Silmarillion

Rating: G

Relationship: Mairon & Melkor

Characters: Mairon, Melkor, an unlucky apple

Additional Tags: Unresolved Tension, Awkward Tension, Mairon is Done, Look it's Denial, Humor if you squint

Summary: Mairon loves his work, and hates interruptions.

Count: 1.1k

Also on ao3

AN:

An older oneshot I kept posting/deleting/posting here... a short 'seduction-in-progress' scene.

He wielded the hammer with practiced ease, careful not to skew the shape. Mairon had been laboring on this piece for hours, staying long after his fellow smiths and even Aulë ended their tasks. He sighed, placing his goldsmithing tool down with a hiss of frustration. A burnished russet strand was in his eye, rebelling out of his austere braid.

His muscles tensed as the Maia propped his hands against the worktable. It was not right. No matter the guidance given, the piece he was working did not look harmonious enough, its sheen not subtle enough, and the gold weaving he’d failed along the edges did little to appease him. The piece in question was a bracelet commissioned by Yavanna herself for Vána, her younger, exuberant sister.

Aulë had entrusted the very task to him, and Mairon did not wish to disappoint. Not for the praise of his betters—though theirs was his home—but mainly for himself, for the thrill and sense of accomplishment it brought. Perfection delighted him, and he lived his purpose through the creative fire of his will.

Lately though, it had all gone rather flat; lifeless. Now, he could not seem to get the right form and the angle always eluded him, despite following the instructions to the letter.

“It makes no sense...” the Maia grumbled, amber eyes on the uneven meld of silver and gold.

The skin on the back of his neck pricked; the potent aura of Valarin power struck him like a blow, as did the unseemly sound of…

Chewing?

Mairon closed his eyes in an exasperated frown. When he raised his gaze, it flared with a wary flame. “Why are you here?” he asked. Again.

Leaning against one pillar of the smithy was Melkor, his black hair a curtain pouring over one shoulder, its shine swallowing the light from the forges. He was chewing on an apple and watching the Maia with that infuriating, familiar expression that left Mairon confused, angry, and rather helpless. The last part he would never admit to, of course.

“Your craft appears strained today,” the Vala said, jerking his chin towards the unfinished piece on the anvil.

Melkor. How the Vala always appeared in the most inconvenient of times grated to no end. And lately, these encounters happened all too often for Mairon’s taste. It was tedious, as was he. And then were those twisting words and incisive comments, and that ridiculously handsome face. Mairon bit the inside of his cheek. He wanted to hurl Melkor outside on his ear, and demand to be left alone. But, saying such words to the most powerful of the Valar would turn his name from The Admirable to the Admirably Stupid, thus Mairon settled for vagueness. “I have not the time for this now. Do you not have better things to do?” There. He could not help himself.

The Vala smirked, straightening from the pillar and throwing the remnants of his apple carelessly across the clean tiles of Aulë’s smithy. His black attire somehow enhanced his deathly pallor and as he neared Mairon, his eyes shone with a chilly unlight, one the Maia had seen harnessed by none of the other Valar. But Melkor made a show of wielding it—and enjoyed it, immensely.

Mairon resisted the urge to step back.

The Vala crossed his black-clad arms and stared at the piece of jewelry. “Aulë and I are of the same powers, but I cannot understand why he would impose such strictness upon his smiths. Should the fire of creation be so contained?”

More of the same drivel. Mairon always had the sense Melkor said things especially for him to decipher, accompanied by a trickle of mockery that burned his blood to embers. He should tell Aulë of this; he would know what to do. For now, Mairon tried another tactic. “There are plenty in Almaren who could make use of your ... wisdom. Why do you choose to haunt—... to come to me? All the time.”

Melkor was not looking at him, nor indeed listening. His attention was on the sad piece having borne the Maia’s frustrated strikes. “Mairon,” he said, beckoning the smith closer with a flick of his wrist.

Mairon obeyed, hoping his amenability would aid in depriving him of the Vala’s presence as soon as possible.

The dark one was running his finger along the object and as Mairon looked upon the bracelet again, the Maia saw something he’d not noticed before, blindly following the set proportions and technique directed by Aulë. “There’s an error here!” The flames in his eyes smoldered, and he nearly shouldered the Vala in his haste to retrieve the object for closer inspection. “This... this should have been cast differently!” A fresh idea brimmed—his, outside the design of Aulë.

“Of course that would fix it. But it also means going against your master’s intent, does it not?” Melkor’s shadowy inflection reached him.

Mairon tore his eyes from the workpiece, his wariness returned. He glared at the Vala. “I tire of these games.”

Melkor reached and brushed the stray strand of copper out of Mairon’s face, only for his hand to be swatted away. “Think on this: what matters most to you? Following orders or the order you create? Even with such small a thing, you see the results for yourself.” His fathomless gaze went to the golden bracelet, then slicked back to the burning gold of Mairon’s eyes.

The Maia could scarcely take any more of this. His voice came hoarse to his own ears. “I have work to do. And I would appreciate the solitude it takes to do it. If you will—”

“I will,” Melkor said kindly, “as soon as you release me.” His smile was an open gash.

Confused, Mairon looked down; and saw he was holding the Vala by the wrist. Ire burst through him like the reckless, molten depths of the earth. The smith swiftly retrieved his hand, stepping back. “You will leave now.” To the Void with the most powerful of the Valar. At least if Melkor disembodied him for his insolence, Mairon would no longer have to bear his presence or his insufferable torment for a while.

No such luck. The Vala merely shrugged, taking to inspecting his fingernails, completely unfazed as he turned away. “Should you ever wish to hear more about freedom, you know where to find me.”

“I am fine right here where I am!” Mairon growled in his wake. Trembling. Why was he trembling?

There came a short, chilly peal of fading laughter, but no worded answer.

The tendrils of shadows retreated from the pillars, and Mairon turned to his work with a sigh of relief. His voice was soft as he took the hammer in hand, speaking to the empty chamber. “... perfectly fine.”

[fluffyk97]

I think about this scene more than I should

[winterscaptain]

the pleasures of the elder.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader

a/n: the people have spoken, and they all love sean hotchner. this fits after mean it in the joyful future universe, but no context is actually required to enjoy a little bit of sibling rivalry. title comes from jane austen’s quote: “the younger brother must help to pay for the pleasures of the elder.” 

words: 3k warnings: language, alcohol use, sex mention, jealous!aaron, perceptive!sean

summary: when he arrives for an impromptu visit, sean knows his brother too well to give him any moment’s peace - especially when it comes to you. 

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | requests closed

A man, both very handsome and vaguely familiar, pushes through the glass doors and walks across the bullpen - a visitor's badge pinned proudly to his leather jacket. You try to place him, but come up short. 

You’re alone, for the time being. Almost everyone is off running some kind of last-minute errand around the federal building - making copies, finishing paperwork, or in a meeting (in Hotch’s case). It’s the last dregs of the day, the sun setting over the river. 

The man stops in front of your desk. “Hi. Are you part of the BAU, or am in the wrong place?” His eyes are bright, roaming over your face with a kind of curious, warm, knowing air. 

You smile at him, and before you can answer -

“Sean!” JJ’s fond tone carries across the bullpen, and she arrives with an armful of cases. 

Sean? 

Oh my god. 

Sean Hotchner. 

“Hey, JJ, right?”

She laughs, sounding a little younger than she is. You can’t blame her. Sean is exceedingly handsome in an entirely different direction than his older brother. And if your memory serves correctly, just a year older than you. “Yeah, that’s right. Good to see you.” He offers her a hand, and she shifts her files to take it. His handshake is firm, and lasts just a moment too long. 

You kick back in your chair, almost inviting him to lean against your desk. “Hotch is in a meeting, if you’re looking for him. He should be out in,” you check your watch, “about five minutes.”

Sean turns back to you, his shockingly blue eyes meeting yours. “Thanks.” He smiles at you again, and you’d be lying if you said your heart was doing normal things in your chest. “Sean Hotchner. I’m Aaron’s - sorry, Hotch’s - little brother.”

Those eyes are dangerous. 

Oh, poor Aaron. 

You shake his hand and introduce yourself. “Pleasure’s all mine, I’m sure.” 

Just as you suspected moments ago, he takes the initiative and leans against your desk. JJ hovers nearby, a little smile on her face. You watch as she sends a quick text, and puts her phone back on her belt. 

Gotta tell the girls...

“So,” he starts, brisk and businesslike, “you definitely weren’t here during my last visit. What’s your story?”

“Well, if you must know -“

“I must.” He flashes you another smile, and you can only imagine all the trouble he caused growing up. Or, rather, you can imagine all the trouble he would have caused if his brother wasn’t around to bail him out. Five years ago, you would have been drawn into his pretty eyes and wide smile. Now, you can only see a boyish, overt, almost-inelegant version of the understated warmth you love in Aaron. 

You give him a quick rundown of your history: hometown, alma mater, etc. “- I was an academy grad in 2007, and I’ve been here ever since.”

“Ah, so not a newbie anymore. And you’ve worked with my brother the whole time?” He almost looks impressed. His glance down to your ringless left hand doesn’t escape your notice.

Oh Sean, if only you knew. 

You nod. “Yeah, I’ve worked under Hotch for five years now.” 

And I’ve worked over him for about three months. Also under him, around him, on the couch, in the kitchen, etc.

Shut up. 

C’mon. It’s funny.

A low whistle leaves him as you bite back a smile. “Damn. I’m so sorry. He’s a real hardass.”

You lean in conspiratorially, and you’re almost cheek-to-cheek as he leans down to listen. “You know, that’s what I hear, but -” 

Penelope bursts through the doors and calls your name, carrying an armful of papers that have absolutely nothing to do with the work going on upstairs. Emily is close behind her, an amused grin on her face. 

Sean leans back so you can finally see her. “Yeah?”

“I have these for - Oh, hi Sean!” She says it like she hasn’t already decided her primary objective is to get his attention. 

“Hey!” He looks over at her, one finger up to stop her in her tracks. “Wait, don’t tell me. Garcia, right?”

“Penelope,” JJ supplies helpfully. 

“That’s right. It’s good to see you again.” He offers her his hand, and she takes it. You’re almost certain he winks at her, and she smiles through the blush rising on her cheeks. 

He really is a heartbreaker, huh?

Aaron must have had his work cut out for him.

Derek rounds the corner and immediately rolls his eyes at the scene before him. Sean has his body angled toward you (in your chair, completely open, with your chin in your hand) while he shakes Penelope’s hand. JJ pretends to do work off at her desk behind yours, but she’s completely tuned into the conversation. Emily’s sitting on her own desk off to the side, watching the whole thing with a certain degree of good humor. 

“Sean, good to see you, man.” Derek walks over and takes Penelope under his arm. It’s almost possessive, and you almost laugh. 

Sean releases Penelope’s hand and takes Derek’s. “Hey, Morgan. How’ve you been?”

Their bro-to-bro catch-up fades into the background as you see Hotch appear on the breezeway by his office. You look up at him before pointedly glancing at Sean beside you. He sighs, then calls, “Sean.”

The man in question turns, and a smile breaks out over his face when he sees his brother. There’s something cocky about it, and you don’t miss the way his body language remains keyed into you as he speaks. “That’s my name, don’t wear it out.”

Aaron takes another deep breath and walks down the stairs. “What are you doing here?”

“Can’t I just come see my big brother at work?”

Aaron’s eyebrow is dubious at best. “What do you need?”

Sean laughs, and it reminds you enough of Aaron’s that it draws a wide smile from you. You find yourself looking fondly up at Sean, seeing more of the resemblance now that they’re beside each other. Aaron’s jaw flexes. You notice. 

Oh, see, now this is fun. 

“I was just in town and figured I’d stop by to see if you were here or out on a case.” Sean glances down at you with another charming smile before looking back at his brother. “I guess I got lucky.” 

He’s just full of those smiles, isn’t he?

JJ jumps in. “We’re actually planning on going out to drinks once we wrap up in a couple of minutes. You’re more than welcome to come.”

While JJ pulls attention elsewhere, you glance up at Hotch and throw him a wink. Hey. Relax. 

His jaw relaxes just a touch, and his lips twitch. As usual, he covers it by crossing his arms over his chest. Don’t be a shit. 

You wet your lips and purse them a little. Nice try. 

He shifts, just a little, raising an eyebrow. You’re really gonna go there?”

Watch this. You toss him a quick smile. “That would be great!” You brush Sean’s sleeve as you unnecessarily reach over him for Penelope. “What do you think, Pen?”

“Oh, we’d love that!” Penelope takes your hand, squeezes it, and looks up at Derek. “Wouldn’t we?”

Derek nods. “We’d love to have you, man. It’ll be good to hear what you’ve been up to in New York.” 

Aaron does his best to suppress his eye roll. You’re lucky he loves you, childish antics and all. 

+++

When you split up into your respective cars, Sean elects to ride with you over his brother. You and Hotch play the role of designated drivers. You’ve fallen into the routine, finding it's much easier to sneak around your coworkers as they get more and more inebriated through the evening. 

Aaron doesn’t look too happy with the ride arrangements, but he lets it slide. Dave and Emily ride with him, while you have Derek, Penelope, and JJ in the car with you and Sean. 

It’s not that he doesn’t trust you. He doesn’t trust Sean. 

Logically, he doesn’t have anything to worry about. He woke up this morning to your patient, adoring eyes and your hands playing with his hair. You ate breakfast together (read: sat in his lap with a bowl of cereal while he read his emails), were (almost) late due to your showering arrangement, and only parted after a (very) good kiss in the driveway. 

Still though, he can’t quite shake the insecurities he always felt with his brother. Thirteen years his junior, Sean always seemed to excel in every social pursuit. Music, girls, friends - he was able to settle into things Aaron always struggled with. It was stupid. Aaron was well into his thirties when Sean was in undergrad, but that prickle of envy never seemed to fade. 

Their mother never put the pressure on Sean the way she did on Aaron, and in some ways it made sense. He was a teenager when their father passed, and Sean was hardly a child. More responsibility, more weight, less credit. 

Aaron might be his mom’s pride and joy, even to this day, but Sean will always be her baby. 

Thus, watching Sean easily weasel his way into one of your smiles wore on almost thirty years of tension. 

“Hey, what’s going on with you?” Emily asks, tapping Hotch’s shoulder with gentle fingers. Upon making contact, she snorts. “Wow, you’re really tense.” 

Hotch shakes his head and shrugs her off. “I’m alright.” 

It’s Dave’s turn to snort. “No you’re not. You’ve been scowling since Sean showed up.”

“He just has that effect on me. Always has.” 

“C’mon, Aaron.” Dave says. Aaron’s grip on the wheel tightens, but he doesn’t say anything. “He’s just a kid.” 

With a flat deadpan, Aaron replies, “He’s thirty.” 

Emily leans forward on the center console, inserting herself into the conversation. “Hotch, you don’t have anything to worry about. Sean doesn’t have anything on you.” She bumps his shoulder with hers. 

He sighs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Emily and Dave share a look and a little smile. 

+++

You hop out of the car, swinging your keys in your hand. Hotch is a couple of spots down from you in the parking lot, and your little groups meet up somewhere in the middle. Falling back, you let Derek and Emily lead the way. When they’re all in front of you, Sean included, you press your shoulder to Aaron’s for just a moment. 

“Are you going to be childish?” he says, quietly. 

You suppress a smile. “You’re fun when you’re jealous.” 

“I’m not jealous.” 

“Alright.” Your hand snags his for just a moment, before you jog forward to catch up to the rest of the group. 

“There you are!” Sean’s voice rings out, and you let him tuck you under his arm. You wrap an arm around Sean’s waist and chance a look back to grin at Aaron. 

Gotcha, babe. 

Aaron rolls his eyes so loudly you can see it from twenty feet away. Ridiculous. 

I love you. 

I know. 

+++

You’ve all managed to secure a table. While not incredibly crowded, there are plenty of people around. You planted yourself next to Aaron, and Sean planted himself next to you. The music is just loud enough to encourage dancing without requiring a shout to communicate. 

Derek downed his first drink and led Penelope on the floor within ten minutes of your arrival. 

The round table is crowded, and your pinkie locked in Aaron’s belt loop goes unnoticed. He stretches his arm out behind you to clap Sean’s shoulder, and his fingers quickly trace across your shoulders as he pulls it back. 

“So what have you been up to, Sean?”

“Oh, you know. This and that.” He pulls from the drink in front of him and you’re almost certain it’s just a Coke. 

Sober? Getting there? 

Remind me to get the skinny on that later. 

10-4.

Aaron chuckles darkly. “You’re gonna have to do better than that.” 

Sean shrugs, and leans back, checking out the dance floor. You pull your pinkie from Aaron and put both of your hands on the table. Emily’s looking a little too watchful tonight, and you’d hate to lose your bet. 

Your money is on making it more than six months without alerting the team you’ve been sleeping together. Aaron, always of little faith, took the alternative. 

“Dance with me?” Sean offers you a hand, and you take it. Before you get too far, you lean across Aaron to take another sip of your drink. When you lose your balance (on purpose), Aaron steadies you with a hand around your waist, making sure you’re settled on your feet before you jet off with Sean. 

“Thanks, Hotch!”

He takes a long pull from his beer - his only drink for the evening. Hotch. Gimme a break. 

“Looks like they’re hitting it off great,” JJ says with a laugh. “That works out. I mean, Sean’s about our age, right?”

Don’t remind me. 

“Yep. Turned thirty last month.” Aaron does his best to not sound too bitter. 

JJ smirks at Emily, who turns to smirk at Dave. They don’t know what they don’t know, but they certainly know enough to keep an eye on Aaron for the rest of the evening. 

“That’s in-flight entertainment, baby.” Emily whispers to JJ. “I can’t wait to tell Will. He’s going to die laughing.” 

JJ lets out a peal of laughter. “Absolutely.”

Out on the floor, you’re having way too much fun, sandwiched between Derek and Sean. You pull Penelope between you and Derek, and loop an arm over Sean’s shoulders. 

“So,” he says, his lips close to your ear and his voice barely audible over the music, “how long have you been sleeping with my brother?”

You freeze for just a moment, but it’s a moment too long to recover. “What?”

“Oh, come on. Question in response to a question? That’s like profiling 101.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Sean rolls his eyes. “He’s halfway in love with you, if not completely fucked, in case he’s failed to tell you.” He spins you out, and back in so your back is against his chest. 

“We’ve got that covered, yeah.” You twist in his arms. “You gonna do anything about it?”

He shrugs. “I dunno. I think it’s pretty funny to get him all worked up, though, don’t you think?” Another bright smile crosses his face and his blue eyes seem to glow in the dim light. 

“Oh, Sean. I think we’re going to get along just fine.” You laugh and reach for him again, but a finger appears in your belt loop. Derek pulls you back toward him by the hip. He’s stupid strong, and you can only tumble back into him with another laugh. 

You’re sweaty, sober, and having way too much fun.  

“Careful, kid. I think Hotchner has a crush.” Derek’s playful jab is warm against your ear as you fall in with him, cheek-to-cheek. 

“What can I say?” You ask. “I’m irresistible.” 

Derek throws you under his arm in a spin and you land back at his chest with the wind knocked out of you. “He’s gotta get in line though.”

“Oh?”

“I think his big brother’s gonna give him a run for his money?” 

That’s enough for you. “Gimme a break, Morgan.” With a laugh, you shove at Derek’s chest and leave the floor. Returning to the table, you sidle up to Aaron again. “Hey, Hotch. Having fun?”

He gives you a weak glare out of the corner of his eye and takes a sip of his beer. “A blast.” 

“Couple more hours, if that, then we’ll be home.” You drop your voice, almost whispering into your glass as you take another sip.

Aaron nods. “Can’t come soon enough.” 

The rest of the team gets more and more sloshed as the evening progresses, and you can get away with a lot more. That said, Sean’s eyes are playful, sober, and more than a little amused. 

“What did my brother say to you?” Hotch murmurs, under his breath. The girls went to the bathroom (and to call Spencer a cab home) while Derek and Sean posted up at the bar, itching for an excuse to give some asshole the what-for. 

You bump his shoulder. “Just that you’re half in love with me, if not already completely fucked.” 

He heaves a sigh. “Can’t catch a break.” You link your pinkie through his belt loop again. “He’s right, though.” 

“How’s that?” You look up at him and you know he can see how much you love him. 

“I’m completely fucked.” 

If any of your team members wonder what’s so fucking funny, they don’t ask. It’s just good to see Hotch smiling again. 

+++

At the end of the night, you drop Sean back off at the hotel on your way home. He’s the last in your car, so he can speak his mind with a certain degree of freedom. You idle in front of the building for a moment, just enjoying the silence.

“Hey.” 

You look over at him. “Yeah?”

“You’d make a great in-law. Just wanted you to know that I’m here for it.” He offers you a hand. You shake it and it almost feels like you’re making some kind of gentleman’s agreement. “Take care of him. He needs it.” 

“Oh, don't worry. I know.”

The smile you share is that of a pair of co-conspirators, of siblings, of friends. 

We’ll do just fine, you and I. 

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrryspencer @agenthotchner @wandaswitxh @hurricanejjareau @fics-ilike @ange-must-die @ughitsbaby @rousethemouse @criminalsmarts  @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal @shrimpyblog @genevievedarcygranger @ssaic-jareau @good-heavens-chris-evans @davidrossi-ismydad @angelsbabey @gublergirls @writefasttalkevenfaster @venusbarnes @hotchsflower @micaiahmoonheart @ogmilkis @thatreallyis-americas-ass @marvels-agents100 @newtslatte @risenfox @mrs-dr-reid @captain-christopher-pike @joemazzello-imagines @pinkdiamond1016 @sebbybaby0 @lilsiswinchester @pan-pride-12 @hotchlinebling @lee-rin-ah @sunshine-em @word-scribbless @jdougl-love @sageellsworth05 @emmice9 @nohalohoseok @giveusbackourbucky @writerxinthedark @mrshotchnerrossimulder21 @bauslut @yourlovelynewsbian @sparklingkeylimepie @aili28 @kingandrear @reader4027 @spnobsessedmemes @rogers-mouth @dreila03 @forgottenword @aaronhotchnerr @ssa-morgan @hotchnersgoddess @buckybau @phoenixfyre374 @sana-li @tegggeeee @abschaffer2 @ssacandi-ass-prentiss @songbird400 @dontkissthewriter @ellyhotchner @a-dorky-book-keeper @lotties-journey-abroad @mrs-joel-pimentel-23-25 @laneygthememequeen @ahopelessromantic @violentvulgarvolatile @andreasworlsboring101 @mooneylupinblack @ssareidbby @violet-amxthyst @bwbatta @roses-and-grasses @lcvischmitt @capricorngf @missdowntonabbey @averyhotchner @mandylove1000 @garcia-reid-lovechild  @cevanswhre @colbyskoalas  @qvid-pro-qvo @joanofarkansass @jeor @spencers-hoodrat 

[cto10121]

Mercutio and Romeo’s Battle of Wits: Or, the Mercutio-Romeo-Benvolio brOTP

Or, Mercutio Misses Romeo Something Fierce As His Main Bro Because Romeo Is Not A Whiny Wimpy Stick-In-the-Mud and Is Actually Very Fun To Be Around and Benvolio Is Good and All, but He’s Just Not The Same(tm), You Know?

So the first half of Act 2, Scene 4, when Mercutio and Romeo have a game of wits before the Nurse enters gets cut or abridged a lot, for obvious reasons. The double entendres and witty Elizabethan wordplay are very difficult for even great actors to convey them to an audience, and they don’t seem to serve a narrative or thematic function apart from “two bros just being bros!!!” That bit of the scene just feels like filler safely cut or abridged in order to jump to the Nurse’s entrance and thus the plot. R&J the play, after all, is long; the whole play done completely is usually touching three hours. Cuts are always necessary, and for the most part it’s justifiable.

But I’m not going to lie, I like this bit a lot. Always have. Not only do we get Mercutio’s attitude toward Tybalt and his growing concern over Romeo’s love doldrums, but we get another side of Romeo hitherto unknown to us: Romeo being witty and fun and actually roasting Mercutio good, even besting him in a game of wits. And Mercutio actually being happy about it and just surrendering the battle to Romeo (!!!) What is this cinnamon roll of an exchange, too pure for this world, doing in an otherwise heavy tragedy? Are Romeo and Mercutio out of character just for some punny times? Not at all! The punny times are entirely necessary narrative and thematic-wise, sets up the tragedy, and shows needed nuance and dimension to both characters and the Montacrew in general.

Where the Fuck Is Romeo Seriously, I’m Getting Kinda Worried

So we begin the scene with Mercutio right away wanting to know where Romeo is:

Mercutio. Where the devil should this Romeo be? Came he not home tonight?

Benvolio. Not to his father’s, I spoke with his man.

Mercutio. Why, that same pale, hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline, torments him so that he will sure run mad.

It’s really hard not to read even a little bit of concern in that first question past the bluster, but in case you missed it, Shakespeare makes it explicit by having Mercutio blame Rosaline and worrying that Romeo’s love for her is driving him crazy. Once again, we get the sense that Romeo was not really himself pre-Juliet, and that, according to Mercutio, this is something to be concerned about.

We then segue into news that Tybalt has challenged Romeo via letter. Benvolio expresses confidence that Romeo would fight him, but Mercutio has doubts:

Mercutio. Alas, poor Romeo, he is already dead! Stabbed with a white wench’s black eye, shot through the ear with a love song, the very pin of his heart cleft with the blind bow boy’s butt shaft—and is he a man to encounter Tybalt?

Once again Mercutio switches to troll mode and characterizes Romeo’s love angst over Rosaline as him “being dead” (“the ape is dead!”)—which would be dramatic, to say the least, except that the tone is humorous/satiric. But it does betray an anxiety on Mercutio’s part and gives the understanding that whatever Romeo’s infatuation with Rosaline was, it was not “typically” Romeo, at least according to Mercutio and by implication Benvolio, since he doesn’t challenge it. When Romeo finally enters, Mercutio continues his satiric portrait:

Benvolio. Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo!

Mercutio. Without his roe, like a dry herring. O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified!

We get it, we get it, Romeo has turned a lameass pussy by ~love. But unbeknownst to Mercutio but knownst to us, Romeo is not the same guy of previous acts. How will Julietsimplord!Romeo react to Mercutio? This is going to be good.

Mah Bruh is Back and He’s…Fucking Roasting Me?

So we get the first encounter.

Mercutio. Signior Romeo, bonjour! There’s some French salutation to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit fairly last night.

Romeo. Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?

Mercutio. The slip, sir, the slip. Can you not conceive?

Romeo’s greeting is polite, open, but unconcerned, perhaps a bit breezy, perhaps humoring. Notice how Romeo before has given Mercutio a ton of slack for his satiric mocking—his only critical comment so far in the play is “He jests at scars that never felt a wound,” which can read almost as dismissive (this in contrast to Benvolio’s worry that Mercutio would anger Romeo by talking about Rosaline lewdly). Either way, he responds to Mercutio’s acerbic queries about him ditching them straightforwardly and without heat.

Romeo. Pardon me, good Mercutio. My business was great, and in such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.

Mercutio. That’s as much to say, such a case as yours constrains a man to bow in the hams.

Notice how Mercutio doesn’t ask Romeo directly about what his business was, but rather assumes that it was sexual (“bow in the hams,” to flex his butt cheeks). Again, typical of Mercutio, but it does justify a little why Romeo, at this point in the story, does not immediately tell Mercutio and Benvolio about Juliet. And also why he says this instead:

Romeo. Meaning, to curtsy.

Mercutio. Thou hast most kindly hit it.

Romeo is 100% trolling here, doing a Mercutio, in fact by pretending to take another meaning—oh, yeah, you obviously mean curtsying, right???? This marks the first reply in which he doesn’t answer openly, but instead answers slyly. Mercutio answers accordingly with an equally troll-y, “Oh yeah, that’s definitely what I meant, super PG” *snort*

Romeo. A most courteous exposition.

Mercutio. Nay, I’m the very pink of courtesy.

Romeo. Pink for flower.

Mercutio. Right.

Romeo. Why, then is my pump well flowered.

My Burton Raffel edition, infuriatingly enough, only gives one definition of “pump” as shoe, but make no mistake—Romeo also obviously means “dick” (the pump, I think, being the “head” part of the shoe, and thus….you get the idea). Mercutio is immediately excited—Romeo is speaking his language now.

Mercutio. Sure wit, follow me this jest now till thou had worn out thy pump, that, when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain, after the wearing, solely singular.

Romeo. O single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness!

Mercutio. Come between us, good Benvolio, my wits faint.

Romeo. Swits and spurs, swits and spurs, or I cry a match.

Mercutio. Nay, if our wits run the wild goose chase, I am done, for thou hast more of the wild goose in one of thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five.

Barely does the game of wits begin when Mercutio seems to give up, and now Romeo is the one urging him playfully to keep going or else *he* wins. Mercutio could just be joking about needing to be “rescued” by Benvolio, but he does say explicitly that nah, Romeo is just too witty today to continue to “chase” the joke, or the goose (“wild goose chase” eventually became a cliché all on its own, and it’s really just a throwaway line).

And now for my absolute favorite Romeo retort:

Mercutio. Was I ever with you there for the goose?

Romeo. Thou wast never with me for anything when thou wast not there for the goose.

“Was I ever with you for the game?” “Bitch, you weren’t with me for anything but the pussy!!!!!” “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!”

Mercutio. I will bite thee in the ear for that jest.

Romeo. Nay, good goose, bite not.

“I’ll fucking jump you for that” “A pussy jump on me??? Oh no, I’m ~scared” 🤣

Mercutio. Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting, it is a most sharp sauce.

Romeo. And is it not, then, well served in to a sweet goose?

“Your game has some spice, bro” “Like the spice they’ll put on you after cooking your ass????” 🤣

Mercutio. O here’s a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an inch narrow to an ell narrow to an ell broad.

Romeo. I stretch it out for that word “broad,” which, added to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.

“You’re stretching that joke so damn much it’s going to break” “As much as I’ll stretch your stupid ass out because you’re the joke, bro!!!!!!” 🤣

And then comes the end of the game of wits with the final twist:

Mercutio. Why, is not this better now than groaning for love? Now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo, now art thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature.

“Jokes on you, bro, I’m into that shit!!! (Seriously, though, glad you’re back, bro, omfg, finally)”

Conclusions

So now for some wrap-up:

Mercutio in the beginning of the scene thinks the Romeo he knew is lost or “dead” by love. This has been established before in the after the ball scene, but here it is explicit—The Romeo he knows is gone and replaced by a pussy all over Rosaline’s pussy. Not good. There is also more than a trace of concern and worry—Mercutio is the one who asks for Romeo, and not Benvolio, the guy’s own cousin.

Mercutio is not upset by Romeo beating him at the game of wits and in fact gives in rather too easily. It’s not too clear why Mercutio does this. Mercutio has been established as a witty, satiric character. Romeo is as verbally dexterous as he is, if not more so, but his wit is warm and expressive, not satiric. His roasts and shade are playful and good-natured for the most part. By all accounts, Mercutio should have won the skirmish. It could be that he is too happy with Romeo actually making witty puns to care about winning, but personally I think Mercutio would be too proud of his verbal acrobatics, to concede that easily and make himself a willing target for Romeo’s roast (especially since he has roasted Romeo so damn hard these past scenes). It’s not like Mercutio to go easy on Romeo or even anyone, as he proves with his roasting Tybalt and even ragging on Benvolio. It could be Shakespeare is slyly characterizing Mercutio as a character who can give it out, but not take it, hence his backing down so easily, (“Okay, okay, you win!”) but usually that type of character responds with impatience and even anger. Mercutio’s replies are too amused for that. Perhaps he was too surprised by Romeo suddenly taking a page out of his book after scenes of him just angsting—to his perspective, but not ours, this does seem to come out of nowhere. But his replies don’t sound like someone who is surprised at all by this show of wit by a good-natured friend—on the contrary, it is taken as proof that the friend is back.

By the end of the exchange, Mercutio believes Romeo is more himself again. Not entirely, as he does cast further shade on his infatuation with Rosaline, but he is genuinely glad to see Romeo act more like himself again. We are once again reinforced with the notion that the mopey Romeo with Rosaline and even the radiantly lovestruck Romeo with Juliet is not the Romeo his friends have known. We receive proof of this: Romeo can and will throw shade over you for a song.

Not going to lie: I am here for all of this.

So I think it’s fair to conclude, based on the above information, that Mercutio has missed Romeo, perhaps something awful. His constant ragging on him for Rosaline and being mopey (lovers aren’t even supposed to be sad, wtf man) and his asking for him and just generally talking almost exclusively about him (that could just be his supporting character role, though) supports that. His joy at Romeo roasting him also characterizes a key component of their friendship and dynamic hitherto missing or not as present: Jokes, teasing, puns, wordplay, outright roasting when called for.

Not only is bro bonhomie clearly established (brohomie!), but also the macho culture—this exchange is far from locker room talk, more focused on wordplay than crude expression, but it does set up the dynamics of the duel scene and Mercutio’s motivations. Mercutio is most happy when Romeo performs masculinity through puns, wordplay, and roasting; when he doesn’t, or refuses to take stand in the defense of his honor, that’s when Mercutio gets frazzled. This is not because he believes Romeo is inherently a wimp—far from it, as he clearly expects Romeo, once he seems unstuck from the quagmire that is Rosaline, to duel Tybalt. He is unsurprised when Romeo throws shade on him right back, and is even pleased. So it’s shocking and disturbing for him when Romeo refuses to step up as he had done in previous scenes to fight the likes of Tybalt, for seemingly no good reason.

On a related note, expectation is noticeably absent in Mercutio’s own dynamic with Benvolio, whom he sees as helper and abettor of his wit and decisions, a soundboard, and a quasi-sidekick (“come, shall we go?” “Come between us, good Benvolio, my wits faint” “Help me into some house, Benvolio, / Or I shall faint”). When he does rag on Benvolio for his supposed sword-happy temper, Benvolio does not rise to his bait or roast him back, but gives only mildly amused replies, if gently pointed, to Mercutio’s surly displeasure.

Benvolio. An I were so apt to quarrel as thou art, any man should buy the fee simple of my life for an hour and a quarter.

Mercutio. The fee simple? O simple!

Mercutio may want to fight someone badly enough to go after Benvolio, but he also wants a challenge, the excitement of a back-and-forth of wits—hell, even for someone to tell him he is full of shit if so he could hit back. Perhaps that’s what Mercutio needs and perhaps secretly desires: Someone to roast him and tell him to shut the fuck up every once in a while. But would Romeo do this?

Nurse. I pray you, sir, what saucy merchant was this that was so full of his ropery?

Romeo. A gentleman, Nurse, that loves to hear himself talk and will speak more in a minute than he would stand to in a month.

The answer is yes. Yes, he would.

R&J Adaptations’ Weirdness with This Exchange

So why the difficulty retaining this fun exchange? Well, Romeo talking about well-flowered pumps and Mercutio just happily taking his roasts goes against the usual romantic!Romeo and charismatictroll!Mercutio characterization of earlier scenes. Even in adaptations that do keep this part of the scene, they tend either to brush it by (Baz Lurhmann) or even mischaracterize it a bit to keep it consistent with the interpretation of the characters as established (Zeffirelli). McEnery’s Mercutio in the Zeffirelli is in control and dominant all of the way through, and one of his lines (“Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting, it is a most sharp sauce”) is given to Romeo instead. The Baz Lurhmann plays it only broadly in terms of group male camaraderie and not so much Mercutio-Romeo dynamics; Benvolio does not participate in the game of wits and is by all accounts just vibing (my personal troll headcanon is he is keeping track of the game of wits on a slate. 2 Romeo, 1 Mercutio, that sort of thing).

Also, perhaps due to Mercutio being on Romeo’s case for most of the play and his being a lil’ shit at points, some adaptations take a weird Ho Yay approach to the dynamic, especially productions that make Mercutio gay or queer. If so, then productions have to do a lot of heavy lifting to interpret Mercutio’s gleeful/amused roasting of Romeo, his lewd blazon of Rosaline, and his anger at Romeo’s loss of honor in refusing to fight Tybalt as signs of romantic love towards Romeo. Romeo’s own emotional independence from his friends and his willingness to roast Mercutio also works against this interpretation. Thus another reason why this exchange is often cut or abridged (although the Globe Theater just decided to go ahead and have Mercutio roll all over Romeo while Romeo is roasting him as a shameless pussy chaser in this scene, because of course that makes perfect sense. Is it any wonder why I don’t like most R&J productions and adaptations?).

The only adaptation I know that gets the camaraderie and dynamics even close to right is the French musical (and to a certain extent, the Hungarian version) through that earworm and evergreen bop, Les Rois du Monde. It captures the spirit of their friendship and youthful zeal so delightfully. Mercutio, Benvolio, and Romeo were so well cast you can identify which is which at a glance—and they are literally as far as from my personal faceclaims for them as you can get, and it’s great. Presgurvic didn’t have to go that hard, but he did and it was glorious.

TL;DR

Mercutio roasts him, Romeo enters, they trade quips and wordplay, Romeo roasts him, Mercutio is too happy to gaf, and everything is character-building fun that will pay off very nicely later on, except that versions and productions can’t make the puns and wordplay comprehensible so they prefer to cut or abridge it (ten points from Gryffindor). And all because Mercutio actually misses Romeo and wants his bro back. Bruh.

[tifaria]

Good Omen fan fic recommendations?

This has been unanswered in my notes for far too long! 

Whoo boy, where do I start?? Let me just pull up my AO3 bookmarks… okay. This is gonna be a long post because I have a Lot of Thoughts about fic in this fandom. I’ll separate by types of fic. 

Series/stories with a plot: 

 Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach by Nnm

As soon as Aubrey Thyme, psychotherapist, had opened her office door and seen her new client, Anthony J. Crowley, sitting in her waiting area, she was observing and assessing him. At first glance, she paid attention to the following:

–His clothing was expensive and stylish;–He wore very strange but noticeable cologne;–His relationship to the seat he occupied could only, very loosely, be described as “sitting;”–He looked angry;–He was wearing sunglasses.

What Aubrey Thyme, a professional, thought, upon first seeing her new client was: you’re going to be a fun one, aren’t you?

Okay, so some warnings: discussion of suicide, PTSD, implied alcohol abuse and implied child abuse. That said…. this is an excellent fic and I was thinking about it for days after it ended. It’s about Crowley dealing with trauma from the bookshop fire, and it has an outsider POV that I ended up caring deeply about, and the ending had me in (happy) tears. Just. It’s a miracle that this fic exists. 

A Curious Case of Miracles on Marlborough Street by @nihilnovisubsole

After stopping the apocalypse, Crowley and Aziraphale finally take the next step in their six-thousand-year friendship. But when a spate of miracles sweeps across Soho and Mayfair, they realize their amorous escapades may have an unintended side effect. As they scramble to restore balance and an archangel arrives to investigate, Heaven and Hell’s messengers learn that you can never have too much of a good thing.

At the very least, you need to go look at the art on this fic, because it is magnificent. But you should really read the story, because it’s absurd and weird but in a way that makes it feel like it could plausibly take place in the TV-verse. Implied sexual content, nothing explicit. Plenty of humor. It’s crackfic that’s taken seriously, but it works and I love it.

The Sandford Flower Show by Musimm

Crowley had waited six thousand years, kept it all in check. But this was the slipperiest slope he’d ever set foot on and as soon as he’d indulged in a few discretionary acts of kindness he was falling face first into pining, tumbling into flirting, about to dislocate his knees on the sharp rocks of intimacy.

Was this really it? What he had waited six thousand years for? A stupid flower show? Aziraphale wasn’t pulling away from him. Maybe… maybe this time he wouldn’t? Maybe they’d hold hands again. Maybe tonight with a bottle of merlot in them he’d finally work up the courage and just kiss him and he wouldn’t pull away.

The very moment he’d thought it he spotted the problem at the flower show.

Chapter 7 is explicit, so if that’s not your jam, skip to the next chapter after they go to bed. I really enjoyed this one! There’s angst, pining, miscommunication, idiots acting like idiots, but with a happy ending. The plot is interesting and the original characters were engaging and felt like they’d fit right into the TV-verse. I re-read this immediately after finishing it, that’s how much I liked it.

I Will Get Up Now and Go About the City by @drawlight

This is the story of six-thousand years and a borrowed jacket. (A tale told in vignettes.)

Look, if you haven’t gone and read every single thing that @drawlight has written by now, I don’t know what to tell you. This is my favorite fic of his. It is, quite simply, poetry. I’m due for a re-read, in fact.

Fluff/Sweetness:

 Divine Intervention (AKA God Ships It) by @theladyzephyr

There’s a battle strategy devised by humans many millennia ago that’s designed to overcome an adversary who is particularly well entrenched. Some walls are too tall and thick for a frontal assault, and must instead be bested through sheer dogged stubbornness.

Crowley and Aziraphale didn’t know it, but they were about to be put under siege.

Fed up with an angel and a demon who are still avoiding any talk of Feelings, God starts to interfere. When it comes to the ineffable plan, sometimes things need a bit of a push.

Listen. This is my favorite fluffy Good Omens fic ever. It’s silly, it’s romantic, it’s completely heartfelt, and it’s joyous and happy. I grinned so hard while reading it, and re-reading it, and re-reading it again. I go to this fic when I’ve had a bad day. I go to this fic when I’ve had a good day. It’s wonderful and sweet and it fills my heart with warmth.

Sunny Picnic with the Southern Pansy by @almaasi

As the one-year mark of the Unpocalypse approaches, Aziraphale pointedly mentions to Crowley that he’d like to spend the anniversary doing “something lovely” with “somebody special”. Thus, Crowley secretly plans a surprise picnic in Tadfield with Anathema and the Them. Of course, this comes served with a plateful of misunderstandings, a side of moping, and a seasoning of mischief… eventually followed by a deliciously pleasant afternoon.

I love when authors can work in the ensemble cast in a way that works. This fic is fluffy, warm, and fuzzy. I loved every time The Them were in a scene because the author wrote them so well. 

Saturday (Wouldn’t It Be Nice) by Sir_Bedevere

It’s a Saturday in the little cottage on the South Downs, where a demon and an angel are spending their retirement, and there’s nothing - nothing - that they can’t face together.

It’s a Saturday, and this is how Saturdays tend to go.

This is a gentle and soft fic that soothes my soul when I read it. There’s plenty of cuddling, sweetness, and fluff. This fic is like a comforting, warm blanket when you’ve had a hard day.

Love Like Fools by @animeangelriku

One minute, Aziraphale is cataloguing some of his first editions, and the next one, he’s leaning against the bookshelf with one hand because he feels like the breath he doesn’t necessarily need (but is nonetheless used to taking) has just been knocked out of him.

He does not need to hold back his feelings for Crowley anymore. He does not need to hide his feelings for Crowley anymore. They’re on their own side now.

Soft romance with hand-holding and plenty of kissing? Sign me up. I live for Aziraphale showering Crowley with affection, and Crowley being overwhelmed by it.

An Honest Surrender by @kedreeva

“For six thousand years,” Crowley said, voice cracking, “I have wanted something I couldn’t have, because I asked the wrong questions. But I’m asking the right one now. The only one that matters.”

In which Aziraphale follows Crowley home after the nonpocalypse.

I never get tired of what-happened-at-Crowley’s-flat-that-night fics. Never. Give me all of them. This one depicts the boys as asexual and includes some intense soul-bonding that I find really lovely and that I think is achingly beautiful.

It’s Getting Hard, This Holding Back by ZehWulf

6,000-odd years is a long time to evolve a romantic relationship, but as a near-immortal being, Crowley had patience. True, they had lost momentum right around reaching the Speaking Looks and Meaningful Gestures stage, but at the time Crowley had been more or less content to let things idle.

Now, he was determined to shift things back into gear, and that gear was Explicitly Romantic Physical Expressions of Affection.

Crowley comes up with a plot for easing into physical affection with Aziraphale, and it goes about like you’d expect. Cute, sweet, and fluffy asexual relationship. 

Smut/Explicit:

Lie Back And Think Of Dinner by jessthereckless

“Crowley, this is a disaster. This is everything I ever wanted. We’re in love. And there’s a picnic. And we don’t seem to be able to get…amorous without causing earthquakes.”

Aziraphale attempts subterfuge. Crowley sees right through him.

This fic is so cute, with just a bit of smut. I don’t always enjoy smut, because sometimes I feel it strays too much from their characterization, but this fic gets it right. It’s funny and charming and the dialogue is spot on. When you’re finished, read the sequel, which has more explicit smut but still manages to be believable for me while also being very sweet. 

The First Week of the Rest of their Lives by @deputychairman

“Port gives the worst hangovers in the world, did you know that?” Crowley slurred when the bottle was all gone. “Don’t know who got credit for that one. Nice drink, lovely drink, shame it makes you want to die in the morning.”

“Such a shame,” Aziraphale agreed sadly, watching Crowley stretch out on his sofa. He did like port. He liked Crowley stretched out on his sofa, too.

After a week of lunch dates, Aziraphale is finally ready to face his feelings. This is sexy and just smutty enough and the banter between them in the bedroom is cute but also hot.

Overboard by Laura Shapiro

Asking Crowley to move here with him is, Aziraphale thinks, the bravest thing he has ever done.

Aziraphale tries and fails to deal with his anxiety, and eventually the pining and angst lead to an understanding. I enjoyed the depiction of Aziraphale’s anxiety over he and Crowley’s relationship, and the sex is very well done and you can sense the love in it. 

Alternate Universe (AU):

Here’s the thing about AUs: I don’t usually enjoy them. I find that often the characters don’t resemble the ones I know at all, and it prevents me from getting interested in the story. However, I have come across some that I’ve loved, and while the characterizations aren’t necessary recognizable as Aziraphale and Crowley, the stories are compelling and well-written. I tend to think of it as the actors from the TV series playing other parts, and it works for me. 

Acts of Service by seekwill

After receiving direct instruction from God, village reverend Aziraphale leaves his countryside congregation to serve the underserved and in-need at an urban church in London, a transition made all the more complicated by the mysterious and handsome Crowley, who always seems to appear when Aziraphale least expects him.

I was thinking about this fic for a while after I finished it. Is it a bit soap operatic? Yes. Is it also compelling and romantic and sexy? Hell yes. Just go read it and decide for yourself. The only reason I didn’t finish the entire fic in one evening is because I read until 1am and then had to wake up four hours later. Otherwise I’d have binged it all in one go.

Only Love (Can Bring the Rain) by soft_october

There were all these little hopes and musings Crowley buried so deep in his heart it ached to bring them out into the light to catalogue their faults and flaws, and each time Aziraphale sought him out, or asked his opinion on some weighty manner that was hanging on him, or even just smiled, those little wishings grew bigger and bigger, pressing in on him until he felt as if he was being crushed.

“Princes do not fall in love with gardener boys,” he told himself one night, staring into the shard of looking glass he kept on a shelf, hoping it would help, hoping that hearing it out loud would make him believe it, would help him put all these ridiculous notions behind him.

It didn’t work.

Crowley and Aziraphale, the gardener’s boy and the prince, meet as children and develop an unlikely friendship.

By the time they’re twenty, everything has changed.

Crowley is a gardener, Aziraphale is a prince, and this reads like a gentle fairy tale. I adore everything about it.

With All Your Delights by @weatheredlaw 

Crowley laughed. “I thought you’d have realized by now. I am no ordinary king.”

“No,” Aziraphale said. “You certainly are not.”

or: aziraphale is sent as a gift to the southern king to smooth over trade negotiations. they both find themselves in over their heads.

Good Lord, this fic. This fic is so sexy, so romantic, so immersive. The world-building is vague, but somehow that worked for me because I was able to imagine and fill in the gaps as I pleased. Do they 100% resemble any Crowley and Aziraphale that we know? No. But is it a well-written romance that checks off a lot of boxes I enjoy? Yes. There’s angst, but with a happy ending. I think I’ve read this one 3 or 4 times now, which is unheard of for me with an AU.

Slow Show by @mia-ugly

Listen. This. This fic. It’s done something to me. I live for updates on this fic. 

Crowley and Aziraphale are co-stars on a Game of Thrones-esque TV show. There’s pining, angst, explicit sex, mentions of past addiction, and somehow, it all comes together in a beautiful story that has me rushing to me computer on Mondays to check and see if it’s been updated. It has wrecked me. The last chapter was a wham and I am desperate for more. I have the utmost admiration for the author because it’s a beautiful, sexy, romantic story and I have never been so eager to read an AU before. 

[mithrilhearts]

1, 2, 3, 6 & 7 (feel free to pick literally any fic for the favorite sentence one >:D)

I DID NOT FORGET THIS. I am just lazy and sleepy after holiday traveling, but going to ANSWER IT NOW!! Thank you for the fic writer asks, friendo!

1. has a comment someone left on a fic of yours ever made you laugh out loud?

Okay, there's been a few that have made me laugh out loud because they're just funny. The community is fantastic.

But then there's my favorite comment I've gotten thus far in regards to a spicy piece I wrote. It was so eloquently written as "eww" and I wheezed so hard.

2. has a comment someone left on a fic of yours ever made you cry?

I answered this before but I'll do it again here because it's simple. I haven't cried yet due to a comment, but I do get very overwhelmed with feelings. We'll see if someone is mean enough or sappy enough to make me weep.

3. and because i know we’re all egocentric, have you ever made yourself laugh out loud or cry with a fic you wrote?

There are certain pieces that have gotten a good chuckle out of me! Particularly when innuendos appear because I have that kind of sense of humor, I guess. Overly angsty things can make me misty eyed and upset when I write them but I think the worst case I've ever had of TEARS was simply the brainstorming stage. I thought of how sad a scene might be, as I usually do, and it just...got me one day (and no, you've not seen it yet.)

6. what is your favourite sense to incorporate in your writing and why?

I answered this one already with sense of touch! So I'll revamp the question and say I'd love to do more with sense of hearing and smell. I think those would be quite fun to dive more into, and I'm going to try to get more vivid with descriptions if I can! This will surely help.

7. what is your favourite sentence/paragraph? read it to us!

I already picked one from Dragonhearted, so let's pick another! Like the last time, It will definitely be more than a sentence or (1) paragraph. Sue me. -> Check out Chapter 9 of May Your Forge Burn Bright

“You came for me…” Bilbo murmured, though unable to be heard over the sounds of rain and wind. Thorin’s coat might have acted as a decent enough shield against the actual rainwater, but it was nothing for the sounds. “I was on my way back! I needed to apologize for what I said, and I’m not sure how else I can express that. From the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry-”

“Maralmizu, Bilbo."

Bilbo’s ears twitched before dropping. Now was not the time for secrecy, they could play that game once they were out of this vicious weather. Not to mention, Bilbo had been trying to give a heartfelt apology. An annoyed huff came from the hobbit as he continued to stare at Thorin, caring less and less about thunder and lightning as the seconds ticked by. “What does that even mean, Thorin?” Though asking a dwarf to reveal their secrets was like trying to move a mountain with your bare hands.

“I love you,” Thorin was far gentler this time than the scolding he had started with, staring at Bilbo’s wide hazel eyes. “And I have for some time now and just...too afraid to say it. Too afraid that being me might scare you off, and it did...but I-”

“Oh, you really are a stupid dwarf!” That bold Tookish behavior was finding its way to the surface once more, no longer hiding in fear from a few unsavory blokes from Bree. Wrapping his hands around both of Thorin’s braids and standing on his toes, it didn’t take much guidance from Bilbo’s small tug for their lips to meet with eyes fluttering closed.

It felt like a missing piece had finally been slotted into place.

[voidstilesplease]

By the Angel, TALK

Warning: THIS IS AN ANTI-CLARY AND JACE SPOILER RANT because I need an avenue to let out some of the steam I've been holding off since starting City of Fallen Angels. So PLEASE SKIP AHEAD because I don't want to burden you all with my reading woes.

This thing centers on the beginning of Chapter 9: From Fire Unto Fire and a little bit of Chapter 8. About eight pages of bad, bad romance set me off.

To start,

The rest is under the cut, so you can go away now.

So, what's been happening to Clary and Jace thus far?

This book introduced them now as an official couple, picking up from the end of TMI Book 3: City of Glass. I don't remember their every scene since then to the point in Chapter 9 where I stopped, but basically, they're having relationship issues early on. They're less than two months into their relationship, and the drama is too frickin much. 

Jace has these weird dreams about murdering Clary and waking up guilty about his subconscious thoughts, so he goes angsting about it and avoiding her, snapping at her, being a total dick, and still question why people think they are on the brink of a break-up. 

So, Jace goes with Simon in the next few scenes, in his plight to get away from her as far as possible, yet still be somehow close by being around Clary's best friend to "protect" him, so his distant behavior will be reasonable and forgivable. Yeah, make that make sense. 🙄 But of course, one way or another, they're going to have to get to the confrontation part (that I still wish had been equivalent to an actual break-up), and so that's when Chapter 8 & 9 enters.

Chapter 8: Walk in Darkness pp. 185-186

Almost instantly, the light went out of them, and the remaining color drained out of his face. "I thought --- Simon said you weren't coming." ¹

[...] "So you only came because you thought I wouldn't be here? [...] Were you ever planning on talking to me again? [...] If you're going to break it off, the least you could do is tell me, not just stop talking to me and leave me to figure it out on my own."

"Why does everyone keep goddamn asking me if I'm going to break up with you? [...]²

First, what an asshole?! 

[1] So Jace finally in-your-face's Clary and confirms that he has been keeping his distance like Clary has the plague. He then has the audacity to [2] be annoyed for being questioned on his intentions of keeping the relationship that he has been actively evading for days!

I get that Jace sucks in romantic relationships and has been fucked up by his daddy-issues, but he has the Lightwoods. Heck, Alec is his parabatai. He sees working relationships, so he has to have known that you don't just stop talking to people close to you and have them not question the behavior, whether you're trying to pull away from them or not. Otherwise, then Jace is dumb for all that he's marketed as the "best" Shadowhunter in his age. Screw that.

---

“You talked to Simon about us?" Clary shook her head. "Why? Why aren't you talking to me?"

"Because I can't talk to you," Jace said. "I can't talk to you, I can't be with you, I can't even look at you."³

[3] Way to make a girl feel special, Jace. Oh, no, yeah. He's trying to do the opposite and push her away with some teenage boy angst that doesn't make any sense. Like, who says that, though, aside from dramatic love interests that can't make a better excuse for going emo? 

That line IS TOO DRAMATIC that it hurts, ugh. 🤮

Anyway, so Clary walks out after that. I don't sympathize with her, but I'd do the same. Who wouldn't? Unless you freeze in the ridiculousness of the situation, that is, which is also likely.

Chapter 9: From Fire Unto Fire pp. 190-195

Now, here's the real shit. I want to quote this entire six-page scene back to Cassie and scream at her.

Clary reached the door and burst out into the rain-drenched evening air. [...] and was about to race across the street against the light when a hand caught her arm and spun her around.

It was Jace. [...] "Clary, didn't you hear me calling you?"

"Let go of me." Her voice shook.

"No. Not until you talk to me."⁴

[4] DUDE, what even happened to your I CAN'T TALK TO YOU, I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU speech, huh? Be consistent for once, apart from your douchebag routine. Make up your mind, Jace.

---

Still holding her by the arm, he half-dragged her around the van and into a narrow alley that bordered the Alto Bar. ⁵

[5] Man, I love a bit of rough loving in my literature, but I'm so pissed at you, Jace, don't even. Lay the hell off.

---

"I was going to tell you that I was trying to help out Simon. [...]

"And you couldn't tell me? Couldn't text me a single line letting me know where you were?"⁶ [...]

[...]

"I think," he said slowly, "that I thought that the closest thing to being with you was being with Simon. Watching out for him. I had some stupid idea that you'd realize I was doing it for you and forgive me---"⁷

[6] Addressing the lack of communication, that's a great path to follow. These two need to talk so bad. [7] But this line? Sucks Balls. You could be with her, Jacey, and save all the readers your drama if you only pull your head out of your ass and try to communicate. It's like you're allergic to it.

---

She took a step back, blindly, and nearly tripped over an abandoned speaker. Her bag slid to the ground as she put her hand out to right herself, but Jace was already there. He moved forward to catch her, and kept moving until her back hit the alley wall, and his arms were around her, and he was kissing her frantically.⁸

[8] Not only is this achingly cheesy, but it's also totally not the way they should be going off about their situation. They were already talking -arguing, yes, but they're still using words to reach out, and their relationship absolutely cannot be healthy without them. Thus far, they have spoken so less in comparison with the times they've spent canoodling. They're not solving anything by having drama on one second and getting it on with dramatic kissing on the next.

I don't care what Clary says about being so lost in love with Jace. He's treating her like shit. The least he can do is give her answers that she has the right to demand from him. Kissing is not an answer. But, well, maybe to Clary, it is because the next parts from page 192 to 194 are spent on softcore porn in a dark alley under the frickin rain. I bet that's a very romantic setting in their minds, huh.

---

And now this part:

It was nerve-wracking. She could feel the feverish heat that came off him; her hands were still on his shoulders, but it wasn't enough. She wanted him wrapped around her, holding her tight. "W-why," she breathed. "can't you talk to me? Why can't you look at me?"

He ducked his head down to look into her face. His eyes, surrounded by lashes darkened with rainwater, were impossibly gold.

"Because I love you."⁹

[9] Is that supposed to make me tingle? SET ME ON FIRE, but that is the lousiest I love you in books that I have ever read. AND IT'S THE ONLY ONE THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE, at all!

Shut up with this, can you please. It's not romantic at all. It's a dumb excuse and an even dumber love from the two dumbest people in this whole frickin series. Oh my god.

Clary, realistically, will frown at this answer. She will pull the hell away and spat him in the face with how demeaning his love is if it can make her sick to the stomach with thinking he has already gone bored and is only cooking the perfect way to cut off their connection. He hasn't given her a sound reason, only desperate declarations of love like he's trying to convince them both that it's true. And it doesn't make sense how she's still plastered around him in the cold, trying to convince the readers that every word from Jace has deeper meanings that she understands no matter how gibberish they are. I'm not buying that, okay? Stop selling your larger-than-life connection bullshit because that isn't real.

You've only been together for two months, okay? The strongest you can feel for each other is lust. And it's showing.

---

His hands slid down to her waist and he kissed her, long and lingering, making her shudder.

She pulled away, "That doesn't make any sense."

"Neither does this," he said, "but I don't care. I'm sick of trying to pretend I can live without you. Don't you understand that? Can't you see it's killing me?"¹⁰

She stared at him. She could see that he meant what he said [...] Her desire for answers battled the more primal part of her brain, and lost. "Kiss me then,"¹¹

[10] NOBODY THREATENED YOU UNDER BLADE TO DO THAT BULLSHIT, so shut the hell up with the whining. [11] and Clary, I am so disappointed. You've both just drained me, and I'm dry inside like a raisin.

The next paragraphs describe their very erotic kissing against the wall. Jace, propping her up and her legs around his waist bull crap. Seriously? Am I supposed to believe these two are, what sixteen?- up until Isabelle thankfully ruins their moment by kicking a garbage can that would look better with Jace and Clary in it tbh.

---

And the nastiest horseshit of all:

Clary looked at Jace. At any other time, they would have laughed together at Isabelle's moodiness, but there was no humor in his expression, and she knew immediately that whatever they had had between them ---whatever had blossomed out of his momentary lack of control--- it was gone now. [...]

"Jace---" she took a step toward him.

"Don't," he said, his voice very rough. "I can't."¹²

And then he was gone [...]

[12] No, I frickin CANNOT. His actions keep on contradicting his words, and he's fickle and can't decide which mood to settle, and it's so exhausting, honestly. He wasted a few pages for a cosmic, meaningless declaration of feelings. They're empty words. At this point, I believe the writing only strives to convince the readers that these characters care for each other but is shitty at showing it.

It's not love, because they say it is love.

---

I was already gaining hope for this book, and then one simple few-pages scene with clace squishes it, smearing the innards on my face.

Honestly, TALK OR TAKE A BREAK. This back and forth can't continue throughout the rest of the book or -heaven forbid- the rest of the series. Or at least, put these characters in the background if they really must drag on this problem, because I care not a lick.

Bye.

[neroushalvaus]

Top 10 favourite characters from any fandom

I was tagged by @limalepakko , thank you! Since I have recently listed male characters here (or you know, in August, but we all know time hasn't been a thing for many moons), I took the liberty to list characters in general this time. I also went with which characters feel right at the moment, so does not show all my favourites. I also try to keep these short. (edit: okay so these are not remotely short, I will post a list first and have the explanations be under the cut, read if you want to hear my ramblings c': )

1. Fantine, Les Misérables 2. Javert / Jean Valjean, Les Misérables (yes i am cheating) 3. Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Orange Is the New Black 4. Jane Marple, Agatha Christie's Marple 5. Aunt Lydia, The Handmaid's Tale 6. Bridget Jones, Bridget Jones books & movies 7. Rock Lee, Naruto 8. Sarah O'Brien, Downton Abbey 9. Marilla Cuthbert, Anne of Green Gables / Anne with an E 10. Sister Monica Joan, Call the Midwife

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1. Fantine, Les Misérables

I love Fantine with all my heart. I remember reading Les Mis for the first time and her story sending chills down my spine. Her character development makes me so sad, from a girl who falls hard and fast and won't deny anything from her lover, to a woman who is so beaten down by society that she can't do anything but laugh at her fate. But I love how she doesn't lose her pride or her fighting spirit and how she still has the guts to spit in Valjean's face when she sees him after being arrested. And I love how all she does is for her daughter and how despite selling "the gold on her head and the pearls in her mouth" she is content, because all that matters to her is that Cosette will live.

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2. Javert & Jean Valjean, Les Misérables

I was really trying to limit this list to one character per fandom, but alas, I am but a weak little person. Thus, I am cheating already. The thing is that when it comes to Les Mis characters, Fantine, Javert and Valjean are the eternal top 3 for me, but I'm never quite able to say who I love the most. Last time I picked Javert for the male character meme because I love the symbolism and critique of society his character embodies, but let it be known that Jean Valjean is the best character in all of literature and I will fight you on this. The original soft on crime icon (aside from Jesus Christ but they're the same and you know it). Valjean's character journey is such a complicated one from an ordinary man (no worse than any man) to a person, who had been shaped by society and criminal justice system to be a very dangerous man, to someone you could compare to a saint if you wanted to... To an ordinary man, who would do anything for his daughter. He has so many character-defining moments, the biggest ones being in my opinion the trial of Champmathieu and letting Javert go instead of killing him. I just love Jean Valjean so much and could speak about him for hours.

*

3. Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Orange Is the New Black

Hopping away from the Les Mis hole and into a OITNB hole. I was debating on whether I'd put Boo or Pennsatucky on this list since I love them both so much, but I've been feeling so much love for my angry butch king that it had to be her. First of all, I'm just so happy to see butch lesbian representation where the butch identity is not just a joke. I know OITNB sometimes uses Boo questionably, but in general she is a nuanced character and one of the most interesting ones in the series in my opinion. I'm so sad they forgot all about her on the last seasons. I love everything about her, how she has trouble with feelings besides anger and often deflects serious stuff through humor, how fiercely protective she is of those she loves (boosatucky otp forever fucking fight me), how proud she is of her butch identity ("i refuse to be invisible")... Also, not to express attraction, but... Mama I'm in love with a criminal. And not to be a slut for how characters view religion/spirituality/God, but the relieved smile she has in one of her flashbacks when she says "there's no God... there's nothing", like you can't just do stuff like that and expect me not to love the character to bits.

*

4. Jane Marple, Agatha Christie's Marple

Last time I listed Poirot and was a bit frustrated I couldn't list Marple, but now it's time to right that wrong! I love this little old lady so much. I love Agatha Christie so much for just going "you know who is the person who knows everything that's going on in a community, and thus would make the perfect detective for a detective story? the nosy old woman". As she is introduced in The Murder at the Vicarage: "Miss Marple is a white-haired old lady with a gentle, appealing manner — Miss Weatherby is a mixture of vinegar and gush. Of the two Miss Marple is much more dangerous." She is so likable and witty, you can't help but love her. My favourite portrayal of her is by Geraldine McEwan, she looks so gentle but has such a sharp gaze. I would spill all my secrets to her any day. I also am compelled to tell you that when I was a child we had a costume party at my school and I dressed up as Marple and learned some old lady things in English (it was before third grade so I didn't know much English back then) just for the occasion (such as "thank you, my dear", "what a lovely necklace you are wearing" or "there has been a murder"). Teacher might have thought me rather morbid but I remember that day being quite good.

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5. Aunt Lydia, The Handmaid's Tale

The Handmaid's Tale is such a great series and a book and Aunt Lydia is such a great character. The way she's capable of being absolutely cruel and vicious, but how she is also protective and caring in her own way. One of my favourite scenes in this series is when Serena Joy (my other favourite, can you tell) tells Lydia to "remove the damaged ones" from a line of handmaids and Lydia tries to argue with her. Sure, she is responsible for some of the punishments these women are now "damaged" by, but she truly believes those punishments were for a greater good and now the handmaids deserve their place with the others as much as anyone else. It is chilling and the character is such a dark shade of morally gray, but I can't get enough of it. The actress who plays her, Ann Dowd, has so interesting thoughts about her, like here. I just love this character so much I could scream.

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6. Bridget Jones, Bridget Jones books & movies

I'm mostly talking about the movies here because Renée Zellweger's performance is iconic. Plus the movies are what made me love this character first. But I'll give it to the books, they're one of the few books I've laughed out loud while reading. Anyway, how do you even begin explaining the love I have for Bridget Jones... I love how she is a character so many people can relate but who would be a comic relief side character in some other story. Yes, yes, it is really bad that she is constantly described as fat when she really is not, but when I was growing up she gave me hope that people who are viewed as fat and/or unattractive by other people can be admired and appreciated, and they don't have to be super talented at everything and highly intelligent and some kind of a super smooth social butterfly to "make up" for what they "lack". And also that they can have standards (i once dodged a bullet by rejecting someone by pretty much subconsciously quoting Bridget Jones so..). I also love how the comedic tone of everything does not dismiss Bridget's feelings. For example in some other movie we maybe would concentrate on how "stupid" Bridget was to trust that Daniel was in love with her, but in Bridget Jones we concentrate on how Bridget was hurt by Daniel cheating on her, how he is the one who did wrong. Idk I just love Bridget Jones so very much can you tell.

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7. Rock Lee, Naruto

Aka the boy who would have kicked Madara in the balls if Kishimoto had any sense of drama and good storytelling. I think I robbed Lee by not putting him on the fav male characters list. You know that post that goes like "gays be like 'these are my comfort characters', 1 literal ray of sunshine, 2 war criminal" etc? This child is the sunshine. I've been reading and watching Naruto again ( @hapanmaitogai is my sideblog for that nonsense) and I'm so ready to adopt Lee and/or Gai. Rock Lee is just such an earnest character, he has a goal he will give anything to achieve and he's the one true underdog in this manga. I love how he's so kind and polite (it's not so clear in English but in the Finnish translation he speaks as formally as he does in Japanese, he uses singular polite "you", calls Sakura "Sakura-neiti" = "Miss Sakura" etc... i love one polite boy). Also, he has the best fights in the series. Like Lee vs Gaara is a Classic, but we simply can't forget that time Lee absolutely crushed Sasuke in just a few minutes, or that time he politely asked Kimimaro not to kill him while he drinks his medicine. The best boy. I love that boy so much.

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8. Sarah O'Brien, Downton Abbey

Last time it was Thomas' turn, so now I must talk about the snakiest snake, the queen of weaponized handmaidenry, Miss O'Brien. She is such a great character especially in the first two seasons (I obviously love her on season three as well but Julian Fellowes really tried to make it hard by not explaining her actions at all, didn't he. Well, luckily I am ready to stuff the gaps with my headcanons). She has some of the best comebacks in the series and brings some needed realism in some conversations. I also love how she uses her position as a lady's maid for her advantage and how she is proud of her profession despite being highly aware of the power structures in the Abbey. And then there is the soap. That is such a good character moment, because for a character who always plans ahead, who is ruthless and cunning and intelligent... I don't think O'Brien thought about the soap thing at all before she left the room ("Sarah O'Brien, this is not who you are" hit me like a train). Just once she did something with nothing but anger motivating her and that became one of the defining moments of her character. And one of the defining things of the future relationship between her and Cora. That's why I find the Sarah/Cora ship so interesting, because there will always be the undercurrent of bitter regret. Also Sarah O'Brien and Thomas Barrow are the greatest brotp and Fellowes was a coward for driving the smoking scheming gay best friends apart, and

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9. Marilla Cuthbert, Anne of Green Gables / Anne with an E

I'm not saying L.M. Montgomery is entirely responsible for me having a fondness for strict, older women who first act unkind but have a heart of gold, but she most certainly did not help. Between characters like Marilla Cuthbert and Elizabeth Murray, how can you not fall in love with the type? It's been a while since I read the Anne series, but I really love how Marilla's character has been adapted into the Anne with an E tv series. Geraldine James looks like she was born to play her, she has me in tears so often. She has the ability to portray someone like Marilla, who is a very hard and stern person but feels deeply for her loved ones. I was watching the episode that dealt with Matthew's heart attack and Marilla berating her brother while hugging herself like she was trying so hard to hold herself together absolutely destroyed my heart.

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10. Sister Monica Joan, Call the Midwife

It was a tough choice between her and Sister Evangelina. I just love these nuns very much. Sister Monica Joan is such a lovable and wise character. She is so knowledgeable of many subjects, from the Bible to astrology, and I feel like her unspecified memory problems and confusion are handled very tastefully. I also love how she's such an important part of her community despite not working as a midwife anymore. She is such a kind woman and gets visibly upset when others are treated poorly. And how could I not mention her saying "I do not believe in weeds. A weed is simply a flower that someone decides is in the wrong place", like... I love her so so much.

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I won't tag anyone, but if you read this and you want to do this, consider yourself tagged and you're no allowed to mark me as the one who tagged you!

[bywordofaphrodite]

Book Reviews 7&8: Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen & Anne of Green Gables by L.M Montgomery

This review’s theme is female-led romantic classics ! Audience age: roughly age 10+

This review is about two of my all-time favourite female-led classics! Pride and Prejudice is one of the only classics I can truthfully say I enjoy, sorry to lovers of classics I just cannot bring myself to love many of them. Elizabeth Bennet is a timeless heroine, and her story is an easy, comfortable read. Anne of Green Gables, likewise, echoes the same sentiments, albeit with considerably more hijinks added into the mix- and with the heroines’ age gaps and very different circumstances, this is to be expected!

Nostalgic review

Rating: ★★★★★

These novels are, if I didn’t already make clear, comfort stories in the best sense of the word. It’s been several years since I last read either of them in full, but there is a special ease about them at all times; even in the midst of disaster, you know there is hope just around the corner.

In the case of Pride and Prejudice, I’ll admit that as much as I love Lizzy, it is the entirety of the story that draws me in more than just her character. I love the general vibe of the novel, the drama and gossip in the town and all the fuss that comes about with each new ball the Bennet sisters must attend for social reasons. The surprising scandals are all very alluring, and really, Jane Austen’s stories walked so Gossip Girl could run!

On the flip side, Anne as a character- she is one of my absolute most favourite characters ever written. I’m no orphan and I’ve never had to struggle in the way she did, but I grew up the odd one out in a small town, with a hot temper and a huge imagination that always managed to get me into trouble. Everything about Anne is relatable to me- right down to the infamous scene where she attempts to dye the red hair she hates and it goes green instead (I tried to bleach mine and it went orange, so I didn’t fare much better).

While it has been a long time since I last read these books, I am expecting more positive surprises than negative ones, now that I’m older with a bit more perspective!

Pride and Prejudice Review

Post-read: ★★★★★

Synopsis: Elizabeth Bennet, the second daughter of a middle-class family desperate to marry off their five daughters, navigates her way through matters of marriage, estate, love and temperament in an attempt to make a match that ensures her own happiness in a time where love was not always a priority.

Set in Regency England, the middle-class family the Bennets begin to fear their ruin as Mr Bennet grows older. See, Mr Bennet’s estate and fortune detailed in his will can only go to a male heir upon his death, thus ruling out his five daughters without their marriages taking place. As luck would have it, two eligible rich men arrive in town, and Mrs Bennet becomes obsessed with setting up her daughters with them. Amidst numerous balls and trips to the rich families’ residence of Netherfield, Jane Bennet catches the eye of sweet Charles Bingley, while Elizabeth begins a cold war with Bingley’s best friend Fitzwilliam Darcy, after he slights her upon their first meeting, to Mrs Bennet’s fury.

Over time, Mr Darcy becomes increasingly attracted to intelligent and witty Elizabeth, but so do other, less appealing characters to the likes of Elizabeth’s pretentious and stupid cousin, the clergyman Mr Collins, and the handsome militia officer Wickham, who tells Elizabeth that he has lost his fortune because Darcy stole it from him. When Elizabeth’s fifteen year-old sister runs away with Wickham in the middle of the night, Elizabeth is forced to hear our Mr Darcy’s side of the story and put aside her prejudice toward him. He, in turn, overcomes his pride, and by the end of the novel the two are able to freely admit their love without pride or prejudice standing in the way.

For such an old book, it really does stand the test of time. The lessons Austen teaches in this story are forever applicable to relationships in any timeline, though we have to make do without the fancy dresses and balls (and the gender norms and sexism, so it’s still a win for us, I suppose). I enjoy her writing and love how humorous it is; Austen perfected the art of polite mockery. Elizabeth is a good role model, and her character development over the course of the novel is wonderful.

Characters who aged well: first and foremost, Elizabeth Bennet of course. She’s headstrong and real, and satisfyingly selfish when necessary (nobody should be selfless when presented with a proposal from Mr Collins, and I will not hear otherwise). Mr Darcy remains an eternal heartthrob- I do sometimes wonder how someone less determined to see the bad side in Darcy would have viewed him from the get-go (my guess that had Jane been the perspective offered, Darcy might have been cut a bit of slack earlier. But where would be the fun in that?). I won’t comment on all the characters, but I will mention that I appreciated Jane much more as an adult. As often happened with sweeter female characters, internalised misogyny used to get the best of me on occasion and I would resent them for being ‘boring’. Now I just think she’s lovely.

For a villain, Mr Wickham aged so well. I once saw a Tumblr post declaring him the 1800s equivalent of a modern-day fuckboy and it’s stuck in my mind ever since because yes, that’s exactly what he is.

Characters who aged badly: Everybody hates Mr Collins, but I don’t know if I’m entirely correct in listing him here, given he wasn’t well liked back in 1813 either. As an antagonist, he technically aged well, but I’m going to keep him here anyway because I felt like ranting about him. The same goes for nauseating Mrs Bennet and Mary… they aged as intended, but I will remain frustrated with them anyway.

Favourite scene/quote: ‘An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr Collins… And I will never see you again if you do.’

This line never fails to make me laugh, whether on paper or onscreen. He does delight in vexing his over-excitable and irritating wife, and in this case it was all the more pleasing: he saw his wife trying to force his favourite daughter into marrying perhaps his least favourite person on the planet and supported Elizabeth’s decision to reject the man wholeheartedly, as well as reinforces the bond between father and daughter in a humorous way.

Scenes I particularly enjoyed are the ones surrounding Wickham’s secrets and shocking fake elopement with Lydia, partially because Lizzy and Darcy become close, but mostly because all the detective work unravelling the drama is so entertaining. It’s pleasing to see Darcy come out the undisputed hero after all Wickham’s deceit and attempts to ruin many girls’ reputations in attempts to get their fortunes.

Anne of Green Gables Review

Post-read: ★★★★★

Synopsis: red-headed orphan Anne Shirley is adopted by unmarried siblings Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert by accident. After a trial period, they agree to keep Anne, and the misunderstanding brings the greatest joy to their small farmhouse in the town of Avonlea.

This book! Everything about it!

As I anticipated, time did not change any of my love nor expectations for this book, but rather made me fall in love with it all over again.

Starting at the beginning, Anne’s introduction to the Cuthberts starts off with her first asking him to call her by a name she chose herself, and then settling with keeping her own name as long as they remember to spell it with an ‘e’. This alone is already something I relate strongly to- I can’t bear when people forget the second ‘e’ in my name… it looks so empty.

Moving on from the names!

Anne is enrolled in school, a place she is successful in due to her intelligence, yet many adults in the town, including her teacher, refuse to treat her very well. Anne’s temper gets her into trouble of numerous occasions with adults and classmates alike, the most memorable instance being when the handsome popular boy Gilbert Blythe calls her ‘carrots’ and tugs her plaits to get Anne to notice him- and she does, but likely not in the way he hoped: she smashes her writing slate over his head. Utterly iconic move.

The friendship between Anne and her neighbour Diana is a high point of the book, too. Anne is always on the lookout for ‘kindred spirits’ or ‘bosom friends’, terms she applies not only to Diana, but also to Matthew and her second teacher, the amazing Miss Stacy who represents that one literature teacher every writer child connects with.

Navigating dozens of scrapes and accidents, Anne manages to graduate school and attend an academy where- with Miss Stacy’s encouragement- she obtains her teaching license in one year instead of two, and ties first place with Gilbert Blythe, whom she has ignored to the best of her ability since the ‘carrots’ incident, though he has tried many times to obtain her forgiveness. Toward the end of the novel, Matthew has a heart attack that shatters both Anne and Marilla, and she gives up the scholarship she won in favour of teaching close to home in order to stop Green Gables from being sold. Gilbert Blythe passes on his teaching position at Avonlea school to Anne so she won’t have to struggle, and Anne finally accepts that she has lot more love for Gilbert than anything else.

Though they do not get together in this book, the following sequels end with their marriage, and their developing romance is a special part of this first novel too.

Characters who aged well: Anne Shirley, best girl! I think I’ve already listed enough examples to showcase what I think of her, but I also think she has aged very well as an interesting character and feminist role model, all the way back in 1908. Gilbert, too, is a wonderful example of how a man should be, and his character growth is every bit as good as Anne’s. The supporting characters are wonderful too.

Characters who aged badly: Mr Phillips, Anne’s first teacher who treated her terribly and tried to marry a student in the same classroom. Predator teachers exist now too, of course, but this man simply did not cop the jail time he deserved (yes, times were different then, I don’t care).

Favourite scene/quote: ‘I’m not a bit changed- not really. I’m only just pruned down and branched out. The real ME- back here—is just the same.’

This is the essence of Anne’s story, and I like to think for many people. Most people like to think they’ve changed while growing up, but the truth is that most people remain the same, they just grow into their ideas and find new dreams to follow; change doesn’t have to signify loss, just growth.

There are many great scenes in Anne of Green Gables, and narrowing down favourites is quite hard. As a romantic, I loved any scene with Gilbert, even though Anne herself was desperately trying to ignore him. All of Anne’s scrapes are hilarious, too, but if I had to choose, it’s when Matthew picks Anne up from the station the day they meet, and the quiet man- whose only interactions are with his sister- immediately takes a liking to the poor orphan girl no other adult has ever been kind to. Their ride home together signifies a beautiful change in both their lives, and their instant bond is heart-warming.

Overall verdict: I’ve read both of these novels more times than I care to count, so there was never really any strong doubt that I wouldn’t continue to love them a fair amount. It may seem a ridiculous thing to say that I still find them both to be well-written, but as someone who finds many ‘classics’ incredibly boring and too wordy to properly enjoy (looking at Charles Dickens, by the way), I’m making a note of my contentment with Austen and Montgomery’s writing styles. I do generally prefer female authors in the first place (and not just because most men can’t seem to write good female characters to save their lives) so I’m not entirely surprised by this, though I think it necessary to mention after my shock over the stunted sentences in Enid Blyton’s works and Nancy Drew and the Mystery at Lilac Inn.

While rereading these books I also felt compelled to re-watch the televised versions and show them to my younger sister too (she loves them!). I do have personal favourite versions, and this is due not only to the actors in the cast, but to which I deem the most accurate and faithful in comparison to the original written source material. For Pride and Prejudice, contrary to the popular version amongst most people who reference it, my favourite is not the Kiera Knightley movie. I greatly prefer the BBC show, finding the casting, setting and costuming far more accurately detailed. I don’t hate the movie, just to be clear! But if you want accuracy watch the television show, especially because the episodes had a chance to explore more of the script than the movie did, so there was no need to cut things out or rush certain developments.

As for Anne of Green Gables, there are a few different movies and series. My forever-favourite is the Megan Follows and Jonathon Crombie led film series, with the first movie released in 1985. The casting was perfect, I adored the settings and costuming, and Megan as Anne captured everything about the character in the most perfect way imaginable. As for the newer Netflix series Anne with an E, I have only seen a few episodes but I think that was really well done too; the casting of the leads was also very faithful to Montgomery’s novels. It’s a shame that Netflix chose to cancel a show that so many young people really enjoyed, but I hope maybe some of them will watch the movies or pick up the books!

The true importance of these books for me as a child was my connection to the characters, which hasn’t changed at all. Though I do identify in part with Elizabeth, it is Anne who is so much like me, and while I haven’t reviewed past the first book here, I can confirm that my personality has evolved in the same way hers does in the sequels. Something interesting I noticed when mentioning either of these series to people unfamiliar with them is that they are surprised I like these books. The reason? Owing to how old the novels are, people expect the characters to be boring and grounded in sexist tropes. While I cannot deny there are plenty of books out there that are full of these issues, the characters of Elizabeth and Anne are very much feminist in the best way possible. They fight against the expectations for their gender and forge their own paths. Their relationships with the male leads take a long time to develop- Anne and Gilbert do not get together until proper adulthood- because they want everything to be done on their terms, within their own certainty. Neither lead suffers from ‘not like other girls’ syndrome, both cherishing their friendships with the women around them, and Anne especially is a celebration of the best parts of femininity.

Ultimately I find both Pride and Prejudice and Anne of Green Gables to be comfort novels. There is conflict and angst, humour and love, and the reassuring knowledge that by the end of it everyone will get their happy ending.

[aminiatureworld]

Connection

Ship: Geralt x Jaskier

Warnings: None

Premise:  Jaskier calls Geralt out for his reticence on hand holding. Geralt is quick to deny this, but even quicker to prove the bard right, as well as prove to himself how much it matters.

Author’s Note: Sorry for the horrendous summary, but I actually quite like this fic. Also two thirds of it was written at midnight, so forgive me for any typos or odd shifts in tone, scene, etc. I realize most of my fanfiction is written between midnight and three am. Maybe I should fix that.

Ao3 link in reblog

“Tell me Geralt, what are your thoughts on hand holding?” Geralt’s head snapped up in confusion as he stared incredulously at his companion. Jaskier was perched on top of the room’s dresser, feet propped up on the windowsill. It seemed a particularly stupid way to sit to Geralt, but he’d long ago learned that the bard didn’t really care what Geralt saw as stupid, or perhaps Jakier did care and then made a concerted effort to do everyone one of those things, Geralt still hadn’t quite decided, having instead accepted that his companion was of a particularly odd, if vaguely endearing, nature. Now though Geralt was very sure the bard must be pulling his leg, perhaps in an effort to spark some new lyric to try on the disgruntled inn patrons, or perhaps out of sheer boredom. Shifting his weight slightly Geralt hoped that this conversation would be as short as possible, for sometimes it felt like a sprint to keep up with the odd, twisted conversational logic that Jaskier often took. Even the opening statement gave the Witcher pause, for who on the Continent thought actively of such things? Grunting he shrugged his shoulders.

           “Oh c’mon!” Jaskier prodded, plinking a particularly pretty chord, though Geralt could tell one of strings was becoming a bit shredded; which one he had no idea of course, picking up on subtle things like off strings wasn’t the same as retaining a shred of musical knowledge that Jaskier, seemingly daily, tried to impart on Geralt. Now Jaskier almost looked the same way he did during his teaching attempts, slightly bemused, ready to whip out the chalkboard and textbooks. It was a bit unnerving, and Geralt looked down, not particularly looking forward to where this was going. He could hear the bard swing down and hit the floor, and looked up in time to see Jaskier sit crisscross on the small pile of boards that passed as a trunk-made-table, honestly did the bard know how to sit normally?

           “Why,” Geralt stared at Jakier. “do you think of such odd things?”

           “Why don’t you think of such normal things!” Jaskier cried out in return, beaming like a child who’d just proved himself right. “Honestly Geralt, who doesn’t think of such things? For someone so grouchy about any close contact, you don’t actually have any rules set out about it. Or any logic. I think I’ve washed your lovely body more often than our two palms have touched. Don’t you think that’s even a little odd.”

           “Tch.” Geralt wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this, realizing that the bard was indeed right, Jaskier probably had touched Geralt’s hair more than his hands, but wasn’t quite willing to admit it, for doing so felt oddly like defeat, or perhaps it was just that Jaskier, when proven right, seemed never to shut up about it. Deciding that he’d rather just humor the bard than have this conversation, Geralt sighed and gestured for Jaskier’s hand. Jaskier needed no encouragement, quickly slapping his hand into the Witcher’s. It stung a bit, Geralt had realized that musician hands were quite calloused, and that Jaskier was unnervingly strong, about the second time they’d met, and even now he marveled at it. He squeezed the bard’s hand, thinking it was dry and warm, and oddly comfortable, before letting go. “Happy?” The bard shook his head.

           “That won’t prove me wrong Geralt, and you know it. Anyone who has to do something to try to prove they’re right is only admitting failure. Nevertheless,” he patted Geralt on the shoulder, a familiar action, which originally caused Geralt exasperation, but now brought only a sense of fondness for their ritualistic banter, not that he’d admit that, not on his dying breath. Just as he’d never admit that, now that Jaskier brought it up, he realized he’d rather like to hold the bard’s hand more, well, he’d like to do a great deal more than that if he allowed himself to drift down that particular vein of thought, but he was buried approximately one hundred levels too deep in denial to cross that bridge. He could only imagine the months of gloating that would cause, or maybe there wouldn’t be gloating, but rather, a closer relationship, which scared Geralt even more, those close to him had bad track records for fate being kind on them after all. It was better just not to try and approach that bridge, much less cross it. With that thought in mind Geralt stood up.

“Where are you going?” Jaskier exclaimed, flopping onto the bed where Geralt had been sitting moments ago.

           “To get information, I want to know what exactly we’re looking for.”

           “Wasn’t that it’s a kikimora well established?” Jaskier asked, laughter in his eyes. “Look Geralt, you don’t have to run away from this, I full believe in your ability to hold my hand, give it seven years and I’m sure you’ll have mastered it.”

           “Tch.” Geralt grunted, rolling his eyes. Jaskier looked even more pleased, evidently the Witcher would have to say something or cede the board, not that this wasn’t already doing that. He looked for some sort of excuse. “This is for your sake, not mine. I don’t want to hear you complaining the whole way back if you accidentally stumble on it and get your doublet dirty or whatever.”

           “Aww, you care.” Jaskier smiled, a smile which flipped something in Geralt’s stomach and made him want to return the gesture, every. damn. time. “Well, this is the price you pay for never revealing your big dark secrets to me, best of luck to you then, and remember you wouldn’t have to do this if you let me go with you.” Geralt barked out a half laugh, half snort.

           “Never.” And with that he strode out and slammed the door. Standing for a moment he could hear the bard chuckling inside, he had a nice laugh that one, before focusing on his music. The familiar pizzing and strumming, a melody picked up here and dropped there, random words, some louder than others, escaping the bard’s mind into sound, it made Geralt feel some sort of happiness, to see someone so in their element and so happy. He was glad that Jaskier was happy. Wished he could share in the effusive sunlight of his companion. But to do would be to go down that path in his mind, and a second moon would appear in the sky before that happened.

             Geralt came back from his expedition covered in black blood, and buzzed enough off of potions to feel completely overwhelmed by the bustling tavern, filled with sounds and smells and colors which seemed to knock into him like a wave. He stumbled his way towards a seat in the corner, head pounding in a myriad of different ways, as if being both smashed by a hammer and stabbed by a million needles. He felt too nauseous to ask for food or drink, worried he might cause a scene in the middle of high hours. Instead he leaned back and closed his eyes, trying to slow his breathing and get the steel he’d need to make his way upstairs and, hopefully, into a bath.

           Slowly he managed to pick his way through the wave of sound, trying to find some sort of lifeline. It was the busiest hours of the night, and Jaskier was in the middle of a performance, singing some sort of song about a highwayman leaving his lover with the promise of gold and riches. Right now the lover was despairing over his disappearance, and Geralt, having listened to this song many times before, reflected on the silliness of the song, for never in real life would a highwayman suddenly save his fair love, declaring that they’d be together in life and death. Still the song was mysterious and repetitive and softer than the usual fare, and Geralt found himself lifted up by it, by Jaskier’s voice, and the slight scratch the strings made when he lifted his hand from them, and for a moment the pain was beaten back by comfort and routine, and by a beautiful voice belonging to a beautiful bard, and, as if by magic, all seemed not overwhelming and gross and dirty, but pure and beautiful and calm.

           The spell, of course, lasted not one second when Geralt made to move, and the nausea, pounding, and overwhelmed sensation slammed back into him like a wall. The Witcher gritted his teeth as he lurched up, determined to make it upstairs. His steps were sluggish and slow, and he marveled that if a monster were to come upon him now he’d probably be useless, for the potions were a double edge sword, and when the adrenaline left so did his focus, and the outside came crashing in, blocking out everything that made him good to fight. A feeling of frustration and uselessness came over him, and Geralt nearly slammed into one of the wooden beams. Immediately he could feel the noise shift, and cursed himself. Jaskier’s music had stopped, and Geralt looked up through his haze of discomfort to see the bard rushing to collect his coin, before hurtling towards Geralt. Looking at his companion, Jaskier called to the innkeeper behind the bar, asking for a tub to be brought up along with hot water, before draping Geralt over his shoulder. Geralt grunted, feeling slightly self-conscious, but now wasn’t truly the time to be batting away the bard’s help, and thus the Witcher leaned onto his companion’s shoulder, and allowed himself to be brought up to their room.

           “Don’t sit on the bed.” Jaskier said, dumping the Witcher onto the trunk. “I don’t know if we’d be able to get clean sheets by tonight.” Taking off his now bloodied doublet, Jaskier placed his lute, which had been slung onto the front of his chest to keep it from being broken or dirtied, on the windowsill, before sitting down on the trunk next to Geralt. “Now, we wait. Bad round this time?” Geralt grunted in assent, and Jaskier nodded. “How you witchers manage it without companions I don’t know.”

Geralt, who was barely keeping upright, wanting nothing more than to sleep and blackout the truly horrendous head pain and waves of discomfort, dragged his hand towards Jaskier. The bard looked slightly confused, and Geralt grunted once more. “What, do you want something?” Jaskier laughed softly, it came out in a huffed, confused way. Slowly he entangled his fingers into his Witcher’s. “Is this it?” Geralt closed his eyes and hummed, not feeling altogether comfortable to confirm, both in fear of being sick and due to the small voice in his mind jeering him this was very foolish indeed. They kept like this for some time, until a knock on the door notified the pair that a bath was finally ready. Everything was brought in, and nothing was said as Jaskier stripped Geralt, shoved him into the tub, and helped the poor Witcher clean off, as well as preventing a drowning, for Geralt was truly bound and determined to sleep, come hell or high water, in this case the latter being more likely. Still, it was accomplished, and as Geralt stumbled onto the bed, he felt a tugging sense of gratitude and comfort, and something else. “Jaskier?” he called out.

“Yes Geralt?” Came the immediate reply, and Geralt smiled slightly to himself, comforted by the familiar reply, the constant presence.

“I ruined your doublet.” He could here a burst of laughter coming from the bard, all in a heap, a lovely soft sound, amplified by the after effects of the Witcher’s potions.

“That you did.” He heard the reply, heard the bard approach, surprisingly quiet and soft. A hand reached out and Geralt took it. It was warm and strong, calloused in the best way, a symbol of talent and tenacity and beauty. “Well. Perhaps it was Fate.” came a soft reply. Geralt smiled, and as he drifted to sleep, he considered that, though the night had been in many ways a debacle, he was glad that he had an anchor to keep him steady, a hand to guide him through the noise and lights and disorder, and if that remained the case, maybe the world wasn’t so great a cesspit as he thought it to be.

             The squat village seemed even squatter from the main path, and as it disappeared into the distance Geralt looked back one last time, not because it was noteworthy in any way, but because it’d become some sort of habit after his leaving of Blaviken, you never knew when someone was going to turn an entire village on you, might as well enjoy an easy parting. It wasn’t something he told anyone, to bring it up was also to bring up a past he’d rather forget, but he still kept onto the tradition. Looking down he noticed Jaskier was smiling slightly, and for a moment Geralt wondered if he was going to bring it up, but instead the bard simply sighed and, kicking in a rock off the path, began to speak.

           “So, I see that you didn’t shake hands with your business partner after claiming your sum.” A rush of relief and irritation accompanied the statement, and Geralt huffed, turning so his gaze went straight ahead. They’d not brought up the night of his job, a source of great relief and consternation for Geralt, and now, faced with the idea of talking about it, he realized that it was easier to theoretically be nonchalant and aloof than actually feign disinterest in a topic or event. “Geralttt.” Jaskier was evidently plunging straight ahead into this topic, “We need to talk about it someday. You need closeness! Contact! A friendly handshake every once in a while!”

           “Why?” Geralt grumbled.

           “Well because it’s not normal for a one night stand to be easier than a handshake. Besides,” he added, grinning mischievously, “I think you’d quite like holding hands, at least every once in a while.” Geralt shifted his weight and looked once more at the bard. Jaskier was looking quite smug, as always, but there seemed to be something behind it, some genuine worry or care, Geralt could tell in the slight way his shoulders were pushed back, the quiver in his smile and in his hands, which were being wrung together. It struck him as odd that anyone should care so much, but evidently Jaskier was one such person. And, though he didn’t like to admit it to himself or anyone else, Geralt did care about Jaskier being happy and content, even if it seemed like a silly reason to be so upset over. If Geralt didn’t care about it, why did Jaskier? Still, the bard could be persistent, and might as well humor him even if he wasn’t, after all, it was just hand holding. Even if it was something that Geralt rather not think about, or talk about. Even if it was easier to pretend he didn’t care.

           Swinging off Roach, Geralt gripped the reins with one hand. The other reached out, and slow disentangled Jaskier’s right hand from his left. Looking straightforward again, Geralt grumbled; “There. Happy?”

           “Mhmm.” The bard hummed in reply, and gave Geralt’s hand a squeeze. Geralt huffed slightly, but he had to admit, it was nice to hold hands, as if a small, quiet part inside of him was suddenly glad to be connected to someone, to be able to share such a mundane and human connection with another. It passed a spell over him, seemingly, and for a moment he was incredibly content.

           “So, what about a kiss?” Jaskier’s playful voice broke through the reverie and Geralt’s stomach took a flip. He went to remove his hand, but Jaskier had a strong grip, and held on. “I’m kidding!” He assured, and laughed slightly. Geralt simply grunted, and tried to ignore the slight burning beneath his cheeks. Still he made no attempt to separate himself from Jaskier again, and, as they walked towards whatever new adventure was awaiting the pair, Geralt reflected that he was quite content where he was, and was grateful for the bard, and for whatever strange humor Fate had been in when linking the two together.

[laughing-with-god]

QQ has me shaking in my boots ✊🏻👏🏻 but I’ve had a lingering question for the last few days; if the rest of the BTS members were in QQ, what districts would they be from? Love your work 🥺❤️

oh my god, okay here me out; an alternative Quarter Quell Fic were all past victors must play again and all the bts members are victors who come to play the quell but they somehow all become yandere over Y/n.....Lemme know if that’s something ya’ll would like to read.  Anyway, here ya go;

(Btw I’m gonna base these profiles on the crackhead idea I stated up above, except I’m not going to do Jungkook and Tae bc they’re already in my Quarter Quell Fic and their games are being played right now so I don’t feel right doing profiles for them...it’ll deadass confuse me.)

BTS as Victors (Hunger Games AU)

Kim Seokjin- District One (Luxury)  

Jin originates from district one, most would say that he figuratively hit the birth lottery by being from this district.  

The first district is essentially the crown jewel of the capitol, it’s by far the most favored.  The main job of district one is to provide the capitol with all luxury items, so most people make their money by creating jewelry and makeup.  (Both of which are in extremely high demand in the capitol, so 1 is by far the most economically flourishing district.)

Jin never had to suffer food outages or abuse by peacekeepers because of 1′s good status with the capitol.  To further his prosperity, Jin’s father was actually the mayor of district one.  

Which makes Jins’ reaping all the more scandalous.  

There was a rumor that Jin’s father expressed sympathy towards the damaged and less favored districts (11 and 12).So when Jin’s name was reaped, people suspected that the system was rigged and Jin’s name was going to get called out either way.  Because after all, how would the capitol keep a loud-mouth mayor in check?  By putting his son in the games, of course.  

No one volunteered in fear of interfering with the capitol’s plans and getting in trouble. 

However Seokjin fancied himself an actor and practically skipped to the stage with a big grin on his face, announcing his name proudly and even stating that it would be an honor to compete on behalf of his district. 

His strategy was to get on the good side of both the audience and the gamemakers.  Unlike other tributes who sometimes couldn’t help the look of terror they had, Jin made sure to constantly look happy and would even compliment the gamemakers in his interview by saying things like, “This game is going to be the best one in years, I could already tell.”  “I caught a glimpse at the makers during my assessment and let me tell you...they’re not playing around this year.”

Because of this Jin wasn’t the target of any foul play or natural disasters bc the makers held no ill will towards him, if anything a lot of them actually wanted him to win. 

He earned himself many fans and thus sponsors, mainly due to his good looks and partly due to his surprisingly goofy nature.  

Jin was always sure to keep his attitude light. He constantly made jokes and did impressions in the arena, showcasting his humor bc the last thing he needed was to be painted as the bad guy.  His number one rule was to always keep his fans satisfied.  That kept him alive.  

He stuck to the career alliance; teaming up with his district counterpart, two and the girl from four.  He stuck with them because he knew he would need the numbers and the supplies.  But a bit more than halfway through the games, when the careers took down all the main threats, Jin zipped up all the tents that his sleeping allies were in, took a good amount of supplies and set the camp on fire; effectively killing the career pact.  

For two days after that he wandered alone but was having trouble with basic survival skills.  Unlike more than half the tributes, Jin grew up in a city with no true sense of nature.  He was struggling.

 That’s when he came across a boy from 11 and a girl from 7.  They both were rather weak and Jin offered them protection in exchange that they let him stay in their hideout with them.  But when 11 and 7 were under attack, Jin fled and let them be killed.  

Jin eventually had to go against the last tribute standing; a girl from 6.  She was also frail and only lasted that long because of her hiding skills.  Jin overpowered her and threw her off a mountain.  Thus, he became victor.  

He still is to this day one of the most popular victors and a really good mentor (although he mainly just advocates for having allies, using them, then killing them before they can kill you.)  

because of his good looks, he is often sold off to elite women and men for a night with a handsome victor.  Jin has no choice, it’s the only way he was able to make the president forgive his father.  (Think of Finnick Odair).  

Choice of weapon; spear, betrayal (all his allies will eventually end up killed by him)

Arena

Min Yoongi- District Six (Transportation)

District Six is responsible for all methods of transportation the capitol has.  The hovercrafts, the high-speed trains and advanced cargo ships are all products of 6.

Citizens from six are heavily oppressed by the peacekeepers.  Although not as poor as 11 or 12, they are one of the more rebellious districts.  It’s also the largest district and the most unstable, lots of the population suffer from a morphling addiction which is party responsible for the citizen’s disobedience.  

Yoongi came from a lower middle class background, raised by a single working mom who fell victim to the morphling epidemic.  Needless to say she was very absent from his life.  

Life at six is so bleak, when Yoongi’s name was reaped his first thought was ‘well, at least I won’t die in this shit hole.’  

He was very numb due to shock so he appeared very aloof when he went up to the stage; a total contrast to his counterpart who was bawling her eyes out.  

He managed to keep this stoic act up for the entirety of his time in the capitol, his thought process was that he never wanted to give the capitol the satisfaction of seeing him break.  

He mainly enjoyed all the food and luxuries the capitol had to offer, thinking that he had no chance of winning and might as well enjoy his last days.  

It wasn’t until his interview where even the host forgot his name that he realized that he might have a secret weapon under his belt; no one knew who he was, he was forgettable, someone who other tributes overlooked and even underestimated.  

He went to his mentor with this revelation and was told to go the ‘Joanna Mason route’.  

Ie; play weak and stupid until there’s only a few tributes left, then release your inner crazy and kill them all before they ever even saw you coming.

Yoongi figured it was better than nothing and decided this as his strategy.  

Yoongi had no help of sponsors or allies, all he had was himself.  But that’s the way he wanted it.  

He hid for more than half the game, his small stature making it easy for him to hide into small nooks and crannies.  He survived mainly on small plants, insects and any rainfall he was able to get.  

It wasn’t until he witnessed someone die near one of his hideouts that he allowed his murderous side to snap.  

It was a fight between a girl from 5 and a boy from 9.  The girl had knives while the boy had an ax, the girl managed to get him in the throat and he fell over dead.  After the girl searched his pockets for supplies, she turned around to stalk off, unaware Yoongi was only yards away.  

Yoongi silently got out of his hideout, took the ax and ran up behind her before chopping her head off.  

There was only four tributes left and Yoongi hunted them all down, tired with how long this game was taking and desperate to get home.  

he managed to kill them all, the tributes being caught off guard bc of his excellent hiding skills  

He became one of the youngest victors of all time, he was only 14.  

As a mentor, he’s actually pretty absent.  

Yoongi doesn’t like to get too close to the tributes because it becomes too emotionally crushing to eventually witness them die.  

His general advice for them is to lay low and never draw any attention towards you, the factor of surprise is the ultimate weapon for those with patience.  

Yoongi has never been the same since the games, he isn’t proud of it but he’s also become dependent on morphling; it’s the only thing that keeps his nightmares and depression away.  (Like Haymitch, except Haymitch was dependent on alcohol and Yoongi is dependent on drugs)

He despises the capitol even more now, hating the fact that they made him a murderer and he was forced to play into the very game he promised to never have a part of.

He lives with that guilt everyday and doesn’t think he’s any better than the ruthless career kids he sees every year

He’s quite belligerent too.  He is almost never given mentor interviews or screentime because he’s blown up one too many times that the hosts know to avoid him.  (Think Joanna Mason and the one catching fire scene where she flips shit on national tv).

Weapons; hiding, ax

Arena

Kim Namjoon- District Three (Technology) 

District three has some of the smartest tributes, and Namjoon was no different.

District Three is responsible for all the high-end technology the capitol has; the people may not be as strong as two or as flashy as one, but their intellect alone runs the capitol.  

Kids from three are good at creating functional tools, codes, wires, ect.  But sadly, these traits don’t translate well into the games given the clear advantage towards physical superiority over intellectual superiority.  

Namjoon was determined to show the capitol how far a smart kid can go.  

Like most tributes, Namjoon went into a little bit of a shock when his name was reaped.  

He walked up, void of any emotion and avoided any eye contact with the district representative or the female counterpart.  

When he was escorted into the room to say his goodbyes to his family is when he finally broke.  

But his mother made him promise to do anything to get back home, she didn’t care how dirty he had to get she just wanted her boy to live

This encouragement/promise was enough to motivate him to become the last one standing, he didn’t care how gory he would have to get.

He utilized his mentor heavily, talking their ear off and asking countless questions.  Soaking up any information/advice he could get, knowing it could very well be the difference between life and death.  

His mentor advised him to choose the Beetee Latier strategy, telling Namjoon that if he just got his hands on some tools and put his mind to it he could be the most dangerous tribute in that arena. 

During his training days Namjoon spent all his time in the rope stations, net stations and hook stations, knowing that his future plans would require him to be good with these skills.

During his interview, he hinted to the audience that he was very smart.  He was careful to not make it obvious enough to make him a target of the careers but enough to raise the interests of the sponsors.  

His personal score was also good, making the act of getting sponsors a little bit easier.  

When the game began, he ran off from the blood bath but not too far.  He stayed close enough to watch who left and with what supplies.  With this knowledge, he began to track the people who had the tools he would need to play out his plan.  

He would track these people very slyly, waiting until their guard was down to swipe their supplies.  

With these supplies he would build traps and set them up for tributes to unknowingly walk into.  His favorites were bear traps, snatching nets and digging up 8 ft deep holes then covering them up with debri for tributes to stumble into.

He managed to kill a decent amount of tributes before killing off what was left of the career pact.  

However, Namjoon wasn’t able to avoid hand-to-hand combat forever.  

When it came to the end, it was between a male tribute from 5, a girl from 2 and Namjoon himself.  Both tributes had weapons while Namjoon didn’t.  

He fought with them and got stabbed and sliced a good amount, but even with his fatal blood loss and fading consciousness, his brilliant mind came up with a plan.  

He staggered over to one of his traps, making the tributes think he was just trying to run away when the truth was he was trying to lure them to their deaths.  

They took the bait, got strung up into a net before being electrocuted to death.  

The last words Namjoon heard before he blacked out was the head gamemaker announcing him victor.  

Namjoon is now one of the greatest mentors of all time.  Whenever it’s his turn to overlook the tributes of his home district the chances of 3 winning goes up 50%

He is very good at strategy and has even helped the gamemakers create certain arenas for future games.  

namjoon teaches his students the importance of staying calm and sticking to a plan. “When kids are scared, starving and fighting for their lives they’re very easy to pick off.  Utilize that.”  

Weapons; stalking, traps

Arena

Jung Hoseok- District Eight (Textiles)

Hoseok was a victim of the reaping gamble.  (The process in which kids will enter their names in the reaping bowl more times than required in exchange for food)

Hoseok is the oldest of four children, his mother died with the birth of the youngest child and his dad died years later due to poor health via the unlawful work conditions in the factories. (District Eight is responsible for all the clothes the capitol has, this means the vast majority of citizens work in factories. Eight is also very oppressed so peacekeepers beat citizens and hand out punishments often.)  

Hoseok dropped out of school in order to help provide for his brothers and sister.  He is the only one working and he refuses to let the second to oldest child drop out of school to help him.  He just wants his siblings to get their education so hopefully they can end up with manager positions at the factories and wouldn’t have to suffer the awful conditions/abuse average factory workers go through.  

Hoseok is used to putting his name in more times than needed.  Of course it means his panic is through the roof when reaping comes but when the names are called and he’s not one of them, he walks away with a relieved heart and bags full of food for his siblings.  

Hoseok depends on that food, because it saves him up to three weeks of salary and he can use that money to get his siblings some new clothes that they had to wait all year for.  Along with some small gifts in order to make up for the birthday’s Hoseok wasn’t able to afford.  

Since this was his last year of being eligible for the reaping, Hoseok made sure to add his name more than usual, hoping to get more food so he could spread out the money for even longer. 

So in a way, when his name was called, he wasn’t completely surprised.  

But he was heartbroken, realizing that in his effort to provide for his siblings he may have robbed them of yet another caretaker. 

When it was time to say goodbye, he tried his hardest to be strong and promised them he’d come back.  

On the train ride over to the capitol he was completely inconsolable, unable to sleep at the prospect of his siblings having to watch him die on national tv.  

He went through the motions of the first days at the capitol, but it wasn’t until the training days begun that he was approached.  

it was a girl from 10 and she was only 13 years old.  She asked him if he had an ally and if he would be interested in working with her.  Hoseok was about to say no when he fell silent, the girl reminded him so much of his younger sister that he couldn’t help but want to protect her.  

They made an alliance.  

And it was working rather well.  Turned out the girl from 10 was very handy and knew how to keep her and Hoseok alive.  The arena was a freezing arctic and she skinned polar bears in order to keep her and Hoseok warm, later cooking the meat for them to eat.  

Most tributes that year died via freezing to death, very little fighting was done.   

Not the career pact though.

They found Hoseok and the girl from 10, holding him down and forcing him to watch as they tortured her. 

Eventually she died but he would never forget her screams for help.  

This was enough to make Hoseok snap.

So he did.

Hoseok became a monster, broke free and killed the pact.  There was only three (two boys, one girl), he stabbed one in the throat, strangled the other and tracked the fleeing girl down before holding her head under the freezing water till she drowned.  

Hoseok won.  

In a way he’s glad because now him and his family live on victor’s row and no longer have to worry about their next meal. 

 But his sanity will never be the same....

He is the kindest mentor, mainly because he knows that the majority of them won’t be coming back so he’s sure to be very nice and always offers to look out for their family when they eventually die.  

Arena

Park Jimin- District Four (Fishing)

Jimin volunteered for the games, an act that was surprising to everyone and anyone in four.  

It’s not that Jimin wasn’t strong, it was just that he didn’t seem like the type to hurt people and he was mainly just known as a really sweet local fisher boy.  

People wondered how such an angel could even think of volunteering, much less actually win the games...

(Rumors even spread that he must’ve been suicidal or in serious debt, why else would he volunteer?)

But he strutted up confidently and announced his name, holding a certain benevolence that made him seem self-assured in his own ability.  

Jimin was already acting like he won the games before he even got to the capitol.  

He never really showed any anxiety or distress, he talked to the escort and mentors very casually....as if they were all old friends.   

He also was extremely close to his designers/stylists, he allowed himself to get spoiled by the pampering and new clothes/makeup.  (This also could’ve been part of his strategy.  Most tributes could care less about their team but by Jimin becoming close to them, they most likely were more motivated to get him the best clothes, jewelry, makeup and overall helped him get more fans.)  

Needless to say he became popular very quickly, he was by far the most attractive tribute and his laid back/flirty personality was infectious. For the first time ever a tribute’s concept was sex appeal, something that was unheard of for tributes to do because of their young age.  

During his interview when asked about his strategy, Jimin just shrugged cutely and said “I’m a very lucky person, I doubt this will be all that hard.”

he buttered up the careers very nicely, they all basically just saw him as eye candy with lots of sponsors, not an actual threat.  

Little did anyone know, Jimin was actually playing a very intelligent game that requires lots of manipulation.  

His main objective was to stick with the careers until more than half the tributes were gone, then he would turn the careers against each other.  

It would start off really slow and deliberate; going to one career and saying “This isn’t any of my business, but I heard (blank) talking in their sleep about offing you.”  Or going to another and saying, “Don’t you think it’s weird how (blank) is acting?  Maybe they’re thinking about killing us and winning this thing for themselves.”

He creates chaos and distrust and watches as they slowly turn against each other.  

Eventually the careers would begin to kill each other, the alliance crumbling all thanks to Jimin.  

Jimin would wait until only him and another career remained.  At this point the career would realize that it was Jimin who destroyed the alliance...but it would be too late.  

It was a girl career and although she was strong, she was no match for Jimin who dragged her to the swamp and held her head under water until the cannon sounded.  

He would then kill the remaining two tributes, a piece of cake since he only kept the careers around to off the bigger threats, only weak kids remained.  

Wins the game and becomes one of the most popular victors of all time.  (Although it’s still a mystery as to why he volunteered, a lingering question Jimin has always refused to answer.)  

Because of him a new strategy in the games was born; The Jimin game (ie; get in an alliance, use the alliance for supplies/food/protection, then when all the big tributes are gone plant a seed of deception into the allies so they all turn against each other)  

Also because of him tributes began selling a more sexier side of themselves.  (Esp tributes from four bc Jimin mentors them into it so that they can get more sponsors)  

Jimin also frequents the capitol often, being an A-list celebrity and receiving special treatment whenever he comes around.  Unlike Yoongi, Jimin fully embraced his role and is always ready to give out interviews or guest on shows.  

he also sells himself to elite capitol women, not because he was forced to but because he enjoys the sex and gifts that come with it (sugar baby)

Although there is one catch to sleeping with the infamous Park Jimin.....you have to tell him a secret worth his while.  

What he’s planning to do with these secrets....no one knows.  

Arena

[rudra-writes]

Why am I writing this character?

A while ago, I was questioned why I would choose to write a fan fiction for a character many people found repugnant. It was difficult for me to respond to that question, because my reasons for doing so are personal and complex, and I feel are best answered in the writing itself.

To answer this question without requiring someone to read my story, I’ve chosen to write this post. (There will be story spoilers for Final Fantasy XIV's Stormblood expansion, also mentions of physical and verbal abuse and trauma.)

When I first saw the character of Grynewaht, I didn’t think much of him at all. He was inferred to be stupid and crude, and he clearly had a hate-on for the Warrior of Light (player character). He was widely thought to be ugly - he certainly wasn’t beautified like many of the other npcs in the game.

His English voice actor also hammed him up, complete with a bellicose belly laugh that put most Saturday morning cartoon villains to shame.

Furthermore, he was played off of Yotsuyu, who I found to be an unlikable, grating character due to the (similarly cartoonish) level of cruelty she imposes on others.

I barely gave these characters a second thought. Until I watched two scenes that made me rethink what I was seeing.

The first was the scene where Yotsuyu forces Grynewaht to beat Gosetsu, who is their captive at this point in the story. Grynewaht utters a couple of lines that could very easily be overlooked.

Most people (including myself, when I first saw this scene) seem to respond emotionally to his snarled promise of vengeance upon the player character. But there’s more that’s shown, but not told: Grynewaht doesn’t want to beat Gosetsu. He doesn’t relish the act of beating someone who’s defenseless. He does it only because Yotsuyu bullies him into it.

The second scene was this one.

Zenos (the commanding officer to both of these characters) cruelly pulls on Yotsuyu’s hair, and tells her if she loses control of Doma, her life is forfeit. The moment Zenos leaves the room, Grynewaht immediately asks if she’s okay, then offers to help her to her feet.

The scene is set up to be humorous, as instead of accepting his help, Yotsuyu slaps him so hard he’s sprawled out on the floor afterward. However, it doesn’t change the fact that Grynewaht is suggested to care about Yotsuyu’s well-being. Being that Grynewaht is implied to be too dense to attempt games of pandering, I believe the concern he shows in this scene is genuine.

Did Grynewaht care? Could this loutish, comic relief character actually have a heart? It was this intriguing question that prompted me to explore a story where this was, in fact, the case.

As I began my story, and expressed my interest in the characters to my friend @autumnslance​, she helpfully passed me some lore-related information from the first Encyclopaedia Eorzea book. One of them gave me a missing piece of info that suddenly made Grynewaht’s character painfully clear.

He was 20 years old. He was the equivalent of a minor.

Taken in this light, the character’s actions make more sense. He’s a strapping young roe lad from Ilsabard who joined the Garlean army to gain citizenship. He’s not particularly smart, but he is very strong, and it’s this sheer might that allows him to become a captain - a feat that was probably very difficult for him to achieve, given the Garlean prejudice towards non-Garlean races.

I also have a theory that he doesn’t understand what the Warrior of Light is. All he sees is another warrior, no different from many he’s defeated on the battlefield before. Thus, he can’t comprehend why the player character is able to win, again and again.

Further, the player character strips him of his captaincy, resulting in him being demoted to playing bodyguard to a woman who emotionally and physically abuses him, and forces him to do things that are psychologically painful for him. It’s natural he would resent the player character for causing this.

I believe the point of Grynewaht’s story arc in the game is to demonstrate the cruelty and dehumanization of the Garlean Empire, even to its own people, which seems to be a recurring theme of the Stormblood expansion. So while Grynewaht isn’t a good person, the same way I couldn’t call Yotsuyu a good person, I believe they’re both meant to be depicted as victims of the Empire.

Yotsuyu herself is an abuse survivor, which is explored in her in-game story arc. I personally didn’t really like how her arc went for a variety of reasons (a friend described it as a glorification of trauma).

My story explores the concept of these two characters, who are both heavily flawed in their own ways, unexpectedly forming a bond, and then helping each other rise above their grief and internal blockages. Yotsuyu makes the decision to stop abusing Grynewaht in my story, which was important to me because I strongly disliked watching her abuse him. Trust is slowly exchanged, and the seeds of character growth are planted.

My goal with this fic is to tell my own version of Yotsuyu’s story arc, in a way that shows compassion for both her character, and Grynewaht.

If you’re one of the people who’s been reading along… Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I’ve invested a huge number of hours, tears, and love into this story, and these characters who I used to not like at all have become very dear to me.

[snazzy-suit]

Hotel Boss Ghost Headcanons - Part 3

Part 1 - Part 2 - (Part 3)

What’s that? You want...MORE headcanons? Oh geez, I hope you’re sure about that

===

Ug

Not much is known about Ug (honestly, that’s probably not even his name) other than he came from a tribe of hunter-gatherers. It is during one of his hunts that he meets his end. Ug and his fellow tribesmen were tracking a herd of mammoths on that fateful day. They eventually caught up to the herd, and just when they were about to ambush their target, a Tyrannosaurus-Rex came barreling onto the scene. It wasn’t the apex predator that brought about Ug's demise, however (not directly, anyway). The mammoths panicked and fled their hunter, causing a stampede. Ug, unable to get out of the way in time, was trampled in the chaos.  

Other Headcanons

Ug is not the oldest ghost in the hotel (in terms of when they died). Dinosaurs aren't extinct in the Mario-verse, so I don’t think it’s a stretch to say there are neanderthal-esque humanoids that also still exist in modern times.  

Ug lived in a part of the world that seems frozen in time—a place housing ancient creatures from eras long past that, in our world, would have never interacted. Dinosaurs, mammoths, sabretooth tigers, neanderthals, etc.

==

Clem  

Clem was a contract mechanic that worked for some of the largest corporations of his day. He was a hard worker that completed his jobs quickly, efficiently, and without a fuss. Clem was satisfied with his lot in life. He went with the flow and never complained, though he really should have done the latter. Clem was often subjected to the most unsafe work environments imaginable—conditions that would give OSHA inspectors a stroke if they were privy to it—but he never said a word. Whether his silence was from fear of having his contract terminated or not really knowing any better is up for debate. Whatever his reasons, Clem's career ended in tragedy when an on-the-job accident eventually took his life.

Other Headcanons

Clem’s work ethic took a turn for the lazy in death. But after the way he was taken advantage of in life, who can blame him?

==

Serpci  

Serpci was born during a troubling time in her kingdom’s history. The neighboring lands were experiencing horrible drought, and tensions were rising as water became more and more scarce. Her kingdom was by no means spared from hardship, but the river that cut through their land quenched her people’s thirst and allowed for the growth of crops—even if the yield was meager, it was enough to keep the people from starvation. By the time Serpci took the throne, conflict had broken out between the neighboring kingdoms. Serpci closely guarded her land’s borders as they grew more and more dangerous. Eventually, she closed them altogether. Her efforts to keep her people out of conflict would prove to be futile.

Invading forces were looming on the horizon, and Serpci realized she could no longer ignore the growing threat. She amassed an army and met the invaders at her kingdom’s borders. Better equipped and with greater discipline, Serpci’s forces easily repelled their would-be conquerors. Her people’s success was short lived. When the invaders returned, the young pharaoh felt she had no choice but to ensure their complete demise. Just as before, her warriors pushed back the enemy forces, only this time, when they retreated, Serpci pursued them beyond her kingdom’s borders. She lead the charge, eventually catching up to and surrounding the fleeing army. In the heat of battle, no one saw the rapidly approaching sandstorm until it was far too late. With nowhere to seek shelter, both armies were consumed by the dessert tempest and buried alive. Very few survive the ordeal—Serpci is not one of them.

Other Headcanons

When she was an infant, her parents awoke one morning to find a deadly cobra coiled in her crib. They were (understatedly) terrified for her safety, and while they and their servants fretted over how to safely retrieve the child, she—to their growing horror—awakened and began to curiously reach out to the snake. Instead of biting her, the cobra patiently allowed the infant to pat its scaly body. It eventually slithered out of the crib, leaving an unharmed infant and a room full of stunned adults in its wake. Many similar encounters with snakes would continue to occur, and when the time came to name their daughter, her parents decided on Serpci—after her unusual sway over serpents.

Serpci’s body was never found, and thus, was not given the proper mummification and burial of a royal. Without the preparations needed for the afterlife, Serpci’s spirit could not rest. The pyramid we see in the hotel is a reflection of the tomb she was denied.

==

Nikki, Lindsey, and Ginny

The triplets first got their taste of magic when they saw a magician perform at one of their friend’s birthday parties. They quickly fell in love with the art, and immediately began studying the craft themselves. Their parents initially humored their interest, thinking it to be a phase the girls would soon grow out of, but when the children’s passion showed no signs of waning, they began to actively discourage it—especially when the triplets expressed a desire to one day turn it into a career. They didn’t allow their parent’s lack of support to dampen their dream. When the girls felt confident enough in their abilities, they began putting on shows at their local community theater.  

Nikki, Lindsey, and Ginny were quite talented for their age—pulling off illusions that were meant for those with twice their level of experience. Audiences of all ages were wowed by their skill, but no matter how well the triplets did, their parents never shifted their stance. They never came to a single performance. As much as the girls tried to hide it, their parent’s complete dismissal of their passion was a huge blow to their sense of self-worth. In a last-ditch effort to earn their parent’s approval, the sisters decided to try something they felt couldn’t possibly fail to impress them: real magic.

After a brief, but successful, dabbling into simple spells, the triplets felt they were ready to try something bigger. Practice sessions went well, but on the night of the big debut, things went horribly, horribly, wrong. A mistake caused one of the spells to violently backfire. As inexperienced as the girls were, they were unable to contain it, and were consumed by the blast.

Other Headcanons:

The triplets are desperate for validation, especially from adults they admire. If you express even the slightest interest in their magic, they will latch onto that support like little leeches, and you’ll be hard pressed to make them let go.

===

Part 3 got away from me toward the end, let me tell ya. These weren’t supposed to get so detailed and yet, here we are. Just wait until you see the fourth and final part—it’s stupid long (to me, anyway).

[thejudgingtrash]

I wanna hear the Dom/sub discourse!!! Also love ur blog :) (I personally am a proponent of dom percy just bc I like that idea but I’d love to hear yours!!! I didnt even know there was discourse!) love to hear your thoughts and again super cool blog!!!! :’)

* ALSO WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY IF IT WASNT ALREADY ESTABLISHED BUT ONLLLLLLY IF THEY ARE LIKE IN THEIR OLDER 20S!!!! ppl doing that in the context of teens is *gross* (previous anon who sent in the ask before) :)

Oh! Thank you for the compliments. I’m still not used at being so visible now to people 🥺😥😅

Good that you’ve added your points because that essentially brings down my issues with this whole spiel. I guess I’m going to play the other card. My main issues with this whole thing are:

A) the fandom sexualizing kids

B) people not understanding that looks/behavior in or outside of a (romantic) relationship don’t necessarily have to correlate with sexual behavior, especially when powerplay is involved

Of course Percy is easier to grasp for us. We have five whole books where we hear his every thought, follow his every move and think we get to know him (that automatically makes Percy not a reliable narrator, just saying).

For every book quote that puts Percy into the „Dom“ slot, there’s also a book quote that would be fitting for Annabeth (the dance from TTC comes to my mind). I can see both going either way. Despite them having mostly different personalities (Percy internalizing his thoughts and motives, whereas Annabeth is doing rather the opposite), they are very similar when it comes to leadership and end goals. Annabeth can range from emotional to bossy in a similar way Percy does. They just express themselves on different levels and get seen by outsiders in different ways.

Did you catch that? Did you see the hypocrisy that I just committed? We are using book quotes to justify placing characters that are in that context and in overall canon minors/teens/essentially fucking children in sexualized categories. Tbh, as much flag as you can give Riordan, I can’t blame him for blocking people who do this. Not every author is a fan of fanfiction and fan theory and what not.

People throwing these BSDM terms around without a second thought makes me cringe (tbh, I’m too lazy to explain the psychology of power play and kinks in that regard, just know that the instigator is not automatically the top/dom and there are many, many, many layers in a pp relationship). You cannot base sexual behavior from the canon itself. We know nothing about Percy and Annabeth in that regard to even justify the slightest. Ripping actions out of context to give them a label doesn’t work like that so easily unfortunately.

The only way to settle this question for once and all would be by simply doing this:

The whole debate that happened months/weeks ago (quarantine makes everything blurry in my memory) was just fucking stupid?

Imagine being a 15 year old, anxious, frightened girl. You’ve been deeply traumatized since you’ve been seven years old, you’re scared to death because you have a crush on your best friend and think he might perish (newsflash: of course you as the reader can foreshadow that in that context the series goes on. The characters can’t as they lack that specific insight. Percy didn’t have to wind up dead in the books, but he could have been severely mutilated, gone missing (guess he did later), bruised, etc. apart from his mental struggles. The super power part is essentially the only thing that’s keeping him alive), you give him a kiss because you’re too shy to admit your feelings for him and he’s being an awkward cheeky bastard before looking for a fight and then some adult asshole has the caucasity of calling you a bratty sub. Literally what.

Some anon (or a group of anons, don’t know which) contacted a bunch of people with that Dom!Percy and Sub!Annabeth stuff. Anon, Liebste, homegirl, my love, mija, if you see this please slide into the DMs because whaddefuck? Your thought process hotdamn. Where did you pick this up? Let’s be open about this discussion. You didn’t go from A to B, you went from A to Z and robbed Jeff Bezos on the way out. I mean what???

People using canon to justify their headcanons is simply something I can’t get behind in this matter. The main issues is that they are children/teens/minors in canon. There is no way around it. Trying to justify/back up some of your thoughts in that regard with actual quotes only makes it worse because you aren’t only sexualizing them in your fanon, but you are also automatically transferring these thoughts to the actual books and thus fore sexualizing them in canon. You’re changing the basis and narrative.

I honestly don’t get the obsession that some have with their teenage sex life? This isn’t a personal attack on people but I’ve seen this throughout several group chats and social media platforms like Twitter, Reddit, Pinterest even and of course Tumblr. And popular stuff like Riverdale, Euphoria, 13 Reasons Why and New Adult Twilight rip-offs á la Shades of Grey and that Harry Styles fanfic honestly don’t help with the portrayal of „curious“ teens.

This also isn’t a strict PJO phenomenon, it happens across all fandoms. The odd trend with sexualizing kids/teens or things intended for kids has been going on for ages. I get it, you grow out of the related audience but that doesn’t justify the means? Canon won’t change simply because you do.

Percy and Annabeth are awkward teens that have never dated anyone else and had barely half a year between pjo and hoo before getting caught up in another mess. I’m not saying that teens aren’t curious and don’t experiment, some do drugs and/or have sex (let’s be real the probability of something happening in the stable scene in MOA is very high) but still? Putting dom/sub labels on them is sketchyyy. Also throw your fucking sex god headcanons out of the motherfucking window. They are 17-ish, if you need the mental image of some weird kids flopping on top of each other for two whole minutes for some odd reason, good for you but I’m side eying the fuck outta you.

You can’t really blame Riordan for not being more explicit. A) the series is for middle schoolers (aka kids), so it’s not strictly Young Adult and there’s only so much you can do B) publishers/editors interfering is a thing (especially with society’s views of sex = bad and violence = just fine) and c) the probability of sexualizing the characters of his own creation in that sense might have made him uncomfortable. Better to play safe, than end up with a bigger mess, just saying. I’m all for the sex talk in a non-berating, (slightly) educational approach when it comes to that in non-adult literature. Or even just stating a sex scene in a mere sentence. (Karen M. McManus did an amazing job with portraying struggling teens with a right approach in One of Us is Lying. Stating it or making it very, very, very clear between the lines. Then again, not everyone can pull that off or wants to go in that direction).

In addition to that, seeing stuff like the infamous ”the sea doesn’t like to be restrained“ or ”Percy has handsome features which shifted from humor to anger“ quotes getting constantly shredded is so… Meh. One simple question: what does Percy having a mean resting bitch face to do with his sexuality/sexual behavior? What does him being annoyed and on the moodier side have to do with it? For me absolutely nothing. The correlation isn’t really clear and out there. Pissed Percy doesn’t translate into Percy automatically being the dominant (in Percabeth’s sex life)?

I mean I get it. We all grow up. Erotica is a wonderful genre and art form (if you waddle through the trash). You will never be able to get that out of fiction and fanfiction. That’s also neither my goal nor my place to decide. As cheap and stupid as it is, I’d rather have people intentionally aging the characters up and stating their headcanons in that regard rather than people attempting to abuse canon where the characters are minors in order for sexualizing them. There’s no good way to prevent this from happening unfortunately (unless you really want to abolish all explicit fanon stuff).

Whenever you post a sexy headcanon just hold on for a second. If you have abstract future headcanons sure, go ahead, personally don’t see a problem with that. But if you use source material to fixate your thoughts on minors in canon to give them sexual labels… I urge you to seriously rethink that.

Stop sexualizing minors. Please. Pretty please.

Peace

[mysticalcrusadeobject]

An entirely objective rewiew of episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker

Legend: red is bad (or rather: dumb shit I can't ignore), blue is objective good, black is neutral and orange is random shit I love (aka subjective good).

Okay, the exposition following the title crawl just makes me feel like I've somehow missed a movie, or two. All of this happened in the span of, what? A couple months? A year? We aren't told.

I was going to ask why Kylo Ren was even looking for Palpatine in the first place, but you know what? I don't really care. I won't complain about Ben in this movie.

Palpatine can see the future, right? That's the only way this makes sense. I mean, he's telling Kylo to "kill the girl" (and presumably become Emperor of the Galaxy?) but... why? Later, he'll want Rey to kill him and become Empress, but then he'll just want to kill her, too. Is Palpatine an idiot, or is he just insane?

"She's not who you think she is." Honey, she's not who the screenwriters thought she'd be.

I genuinely love the Finn/Poe/Chewy/Rey dinamic in this movie. They don't feel like friends yet (which they shouldn't), but there's still a camaraderie and genuine caring for one another there. It's great.

"How do we thank you?" - "Win the war."

Rey is a badass, as per usual. Also, I love how Kylo's just fucking with her here. That girl could cut him in half.

"Somehow Palpatine returned." The 'somehow' is a key word there.

Oh, good, Rose is a non-character now.

While I adore the actors' chemistry, Rey doesn't really need this big of a party to come with her. Chewy's the co-pilot, so his presence is justified, then Finn could come as well and use the blasters, Poe too, because him and Finn didn't get enough screentime in the last movie, but the droids? No. Have them stay with Leia. We don't need C-3PO explaining everything to us, thank you very much.

Oh, yeah. That reminds me.

C-3PO.

They're foreshadowing C-3PO and Leia's deaths so hard here.

The mother-daughter dinamic between Leia and Rey is good. That's all.

That mask was left in pieces. Is it even possible to fix at this point?

Oh, cool, the Knights of Ren exist. For about three minutes of screentime.

The humor in this movie works pretty well for me. Hux's assurance that Kylo looks, in fact, great, is gold.

The New Guy.

"Serving another master?" - "No." Um, yeah? Yeah, you are. What is your plan, Kylo Ren? Because, to me, it see that y- Oh, yeah, I've promised to leave him be. Shit.

A simple conversation would have made this movie so much shorter and so, so much better. "Oh, hey, Rey. Where you off to?" - "Yo, Ben. Oh, you know, looking for Palpatine so that I can kill him." - "Oh, cool. That was my plan, too. Wanna come with?" - "Sure." - "He's your grandfather, btw." - "Cool. Wanna rule the Galaxy?" - "Sure.

Rey's over here casually cutting ships into pieces.

Also, I love how people complain that Rey is OP in this scene, while Kylo just strolls away from a burning husk of a ship, unscathed.

"The inscription that was on the dagger is in your memory?" Yeah, that's how computers works, Poe.

Also, I love how no one cares about shat C-3PO thinks/wants. These characters and this script dislike him as much as I do.

The No-Thank-You droid is adorable.

"You were a spice runner?" - "Were you a Stormtrooper?"

Babu Frik. Baby Yoda ain't got nothing on this guy.

Daisy Ridley is sooo so good in this movie.

"Does she do that to us?"

"I pushed you in the desert-" Baby, you struggled in the desert.

The directing of this scene is so good!

"I'm the spy." (I love it 'cause it makes me laugh. Hux is such a petty little shit that he'll join the Resistance just to see Kylo lose. I appreciate that."

Rey being a Palpatine bothers me about as much as the CGI Carrie Fisher, which is to say: a little bit.

"People keep telling me they know me; I'm afraid no-one does" with Kylo Ren's leitmotif playing in the background. *chef's kiss*

That blade is the most plastic-looking thing I've ever seen. (The Wayfinder)

"Babu Frik! He's one of my oldest friends." Alright, 3PO, that was pretty funny.

I have literally nothing to say about the next fifteen minutes, or so. I feel bad for these actors. Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver have gorgeous chemistry, and though they're trying their damndest, you can kind of tell that they're weary of these movies by now.

Two words: Harrison fucking Ford.

This scene.

"I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it."

Good job, honey. Now you have no weapon for the final battle. Takes after Anakin, this one.

Every ship is a Star Destroyer.

"A Jedi's weapon deserves more respect."

The reverse Kylo Ren leitmotif that's within Rey's theme playing while Rey is wondering why everyone trusts her despite her being a Palpatine is kind of cute.

As I watch the Resistance/First Order battle unfold, I can't help but wonder why they can't just- sign a peace treaty. How long has this war been going on for? Surely, they must've gotten bored of fighting.

Oh, but I do love the design of Palpatine's throne.

"I never wanted you dead. I wanted you here." I feel like you don't really know what you want, sir.

I love how confused Rey looks while Palpatine talks about how much she apparently hates him.

Ben's just been chillin' for the past 20-ish minutes. I like the redeemed theme they've made for him, though.

Why are the Knights of Ren here? They should be loyal to their Master, no? Also, Ben, honey, you have the Force. You've used it in the first movie to stop a blaster shot mid-air. Surely, levitating six people way up in the air, then letting them fall into the chasm below can't be much more difficult.

This battle. Also, I love how the Knights back the fuck up when Rey sends Ben the saber.

And now he wants to be the Emperor. WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

Ow. That's- that's a broken spine right there. Good thing our dude's indestructable.

I realize I'm quoting Sideways here, but seriously, why don't they play the Force Theme when Rey communicates with every Jedi ever?

The final scene between Ben and Rey (minus the kiss - y'all know how I feel about shoehorned romance). It's still so, so beautiful. This scene is more beautiful than this movie - nay, this franchise - deserves.

Oh, is the Stormtrooper lady Lando's daughter? That's... You know what, actually? I don't care.

The ending is so damned strange. She just returned to Jakku, disposes of Leia's and the Skywalker lightsabers (rude!), steals BB-8 and just- nothing.

I do like her new lightsaber, though. It suits her.

Yeah, there's one Skywalker missing next to Luke and Leia. I guess that Rey just didn't give a shit about him, huh? Oh, well.

This movie is odd to me. Many people hate it, some like it, but I'm in this in-betweeny stage. I like it more than The Last Jedi, but only because I don't observe these two movies as agregates, but more as collections of good and bad scenes (since they both feel scrapped together), and thus, RoS just has more elements which I like, though it's objectively the worst movie of this trilogy. Rey is the best she's ever been, Ben Solo is *chef's kiss*, Poe is awesome, Finn is... there (the underdevelopment of this character is still the worst thing they've done), but he does have some good moments, some of the side characters are pretty great (the long helmet lady and Babu Frik come to mind immediately), the music is always a highlight and... yeah.

As for the negatives, Palpatine is right up there. His plan is stupid. That's all I'm gonna say about that. Other than that and the demolition of Rose Tico, everything else are nitpicks for me. This movie could have been great only if they'd scrapped this story entirely and either:

a) made an entirely new movie and utilized some of the original concepts they had, or

b) made at least two new movies with the ideas presented here.

Overall, I've enjoyed this movie. It's one of those movies which I can watch after a long day of studying to relax my brain a bit, one that is supposed to be thought about as much as the scriptwriters have done - which is to say, a bit.