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sashannarcy · 3 years ago

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hi op what are your thoughts on uhhhh *spins wheel* sasha's season 2b arc (hope that's not too broad a subject)

edit: putting this under a cut bc it got LONG but. enjoy (???)

okay I gotta start by saying I didn't expect the depth of it at ALL; I knew Sash was featured prominently in the ending episodes of s2 based off of what my friend informed me, but like. I was not expecting 4.5 episodes to be almost ENTIRELY centered on their character arc and design (the .5 being the first half of True Colors).

that being said, I think Sash's 2b arc is PHENOMENAL bc of the way the nuance in it is written so incredibly well. this character is about to perform the most antagonistic move that they've pulled in the whole series so far, which is the act of betraying both Anne and Marcy in order to support Grime and get them home safe, if they so choose to go home (as an aside, I think at this point Sash has probably decided that she likes it more in Amphibia than back home, and there's one line that I'll get to that seems to be VERYYYY indicative of that. and if this is the case, it makes sense to me why Sasha would want to help Grime at all and why they don't really seem quite eager to follow Anne and Marcy back home. but! important to note that they still give those two the choice to go back if they wish, because at the end of the day Sash loves them and wouldn't try to force them to stay). and yet we see!! this back and forth!! this FIGHT that's happening in their mind, the way there's a flash of guilt they express at the very end of The Third Temple directly after confirming to Grime that things are still going according to plan, their convo w Anne at the end of The Dinner, the entire plot arc of BotB, and ofc the Sashanne duel in True Colors. I want to make an analysis post for each of these episodes because they're so fucking PACKED w shit to analyze, but I'll try my best to touch on all points here.

obviously we first learn of Sasha's plans to betray Anne and Marcy in The Third Temple. but what's important is that throughout the entire episode, there's several points where Sash switches back and forth between manipulation and honesty. I can talk abt this w confidence just based off of the whole. *gestures vaguely at myself.* but Sasha's initial apology in this episode was sheer manipulation, I think we all know that. however, when Sasha has to do their final test in the temple, those few lines they exchange w Anne in the moments before they raise themself up off the floor and launch themself into battle... those were genuine. they know they've been a shitty friend, and they're willing to accept that. so you have this game, almost, where Sash keeps flipping between putting on a mask to ensure they can keep up their facade until Grime secures the city and genuinely acknowledging their behavior and knowing that what they are doing is not going to sit well w Anne and Marcy.

so with that, The Third Temple sets the premise for the rest of the episodes of the season as far as Sasha's character arc. The Dinner is such a good fucking episode to follow with, because it hammers in the fact that Sasha has not changed. what it ALSO hammers in is she is still acting in her own self-interest - to put it in her words, she wants to get the friendship back under control. they still lash out, they still have a short fuse, they're still heavily opinionated and rough around the edges and prickly because this is an environment where they feel threatened. they're finally reuniting with the two people that mean the absolute most to them, only to realize they've been left out of the narrative. also not for nothing, but their trauma in Reunion got joked about in this episode which led to them blowing up over it, and like. I'm giving that one a pass bc man. anyway. at the end of the episode they say they like who they are, but it's said with a frown, which I think is fucking GENIUS. because there's an actual meaning to this line - they don't ACTUALLY like who they are. we have plenty of evidence that they don't like themself. what they MEAN is that they don't want to change, because that would mean giving up a security that they need in order to keep themself together. AND THIS IS DEMONSTRATED CRYSTAL CLEAR IN BOTB. they literally PURPOSEFULLY detach themself from Anne and Marcy bc they know they want control but they ALSO know that their behavior is just going to hurt the other two, so instead of compromising, they just go hey I'm gonna do my thing and you guys can do yours. and we'll both get what we want. and if that's not evidence that this character is fucking GRAPPLING with how to grow and change as a person, idk what is

and then. sigh. we get to True Colors. ofc Sash goes through on their betrayal - they're loyal to a fucking T once you dig beneath the surface, and they wouldn't just not follow through for Grime. what is absolutely KEY here is the fact that they are still leaving room for their friends' best interests, as in they're not trapping them in Amphibia but rather explaining how they're gonna help Grime take over, implying they'll go back home once they're done, but if Anne and Marcy wanna go back now, that's cool. if she didn't give a fuck abt their wellbeing, she'd just keep them there w her. but she doesn't. and then Anne starts retaliating, and. well. we ALL know Sasha does NOT do well with criticism of any kind. so they just go okay I'll send you back now then (and this is STILL an action motivated by what they think is best for Anne). BUT THE LINE. OHHHH THE SUPER IMPORTANT LINE THAT MADE MY HEAD SNAP UP AND MADE ME PHYSICALLY GO "YIKES" OUT LOUD. is Sasha saying "say hi to your parents for me." it's like a goddamn full-on sucker punch packed into one sentence - seven words, and all of a sudden we know for sure this kid does not have a good home life. I could go into elaboration on Sasha and the way she views familial ties throughout the show, but I won't bc that's gonna take this already super long answer and make it even worse. regardless, Sasha has once again flipped the switch and is indulging in their worst behaviors, which is full on controlling and holding power to act on what THEY think is best in the moment. and the moment Anne snaps, the moment Anne yells about Sasha being a horrible person, literally EVERYTHING shifts and the reaction from Sasha is VISCERAL. and what I mean by that is. it's not just the look in their eyes at those words. it's not just the sudden and complete loss of meaning, of self, of motivation after they've lost Anne's support. it's not just the way they stare at their own reflection in a sword that represents the color of the person they're trying their hardest to protect. it's the way that for the rest of the goddamn episode, they spend it trying to do the one thing they fear the most: giving up control. I'm gonna elaborate on this whole aspect in a different ask bc I was asked abt it, but the way Sasha acts towards Anne after the fallout, especially at the beginning of the duel and during the confrontation w Andrias, is fucking monumental. they struggle so much with how to change their own behavior, yet the very moment they lose the support of the people they've been trying so hard to love and care for in their roundabout way, they can change the way they act. because who the fuck is Sasha Waybright without Anne Boonchuy and Marcy Wu? in her mind, no one. she doesn't have any idea of who she is outside of this, so ofc she can act differently when she's thrown out in the cold. after all, it doesn't take much to warp an identity that doesn't exist.

tldr; god. how do I sum this up. Sash's 2b arc is smth that's incredibly intricate and complex from the way they constantly flip between desperately needing control and feeling guilty that this is the way they need to live. and True Colors is able to finally demonstrate to us the final piece in how they operate - without their friends, they lose sense of who they are, and their personality comes undone. in 4.5 episodes the writers managed to give us 1000 aspects to their character that we hadn't gotten to explore, and we can see that Sasha was never meant to be the villain. so. final review is that's some good shit👍

#this is so so so so long holy shit anon I am sorry #but the s2 2b arc is like. oh my god it sure is smth #PLEASE GOD IT'S 2:56 AM. I HAVE CLASS AT 9:30 GMFMDMDM #why do I do this shit to myself #sasha waybright #amphibia #anonymous #ask #long post

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tarantulas4davey · 4 years ago

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more hc’s!! even though i’m in school!!

al mining all the way to bedrock with race and being like ‘hey babe can you get this block for me i’m gonna build our house try to get at least five okay?’

and race, clueless, is like ‘sure babe!’ and after twenty minutes race is loSING HIS MIND and al is like uhhh babe i kinda need it?? and race is like, near tears, IM TRYING IM TRYINF I SWEAR I SWEAR

eventually al tells him and race unplugs al’s computer

race speaking italian bc he’s stressed and al doesn’t know what he’s saying but dear god that’s so hot

people make a million gifs abt al’s face and race is like ‘oh so italian is a turn on for you huh?’ but race, little bitch, says it in italian and watches al live up to his nickname of red

one time al is rly tired as he’s streaming and just falls asleep at his computer and race is facing his computer and eventually he realizes he’s been rambling and that al hasn’t said much? and he’s like ‘uhh babe you okay?’ and then looks over and you can see the exact moment his heart bursts bc al just dozed off and he’s so cute and the comments r going crazy

al is pretty shy abt it he’s like oh my god they saw me sleeping that’s so embarrassing hey race stop!! it wasn’t cute!!! and race is like uhhh yeah it was but he’s still sweet ofc and al (who’s slowly becoming more comfortable with himself) is like oh. okay. and the fans are like THATS SO ADORABLE

someone points out at one point that race and al have the exact same follower count and they’re like !!! that’s actually so cute!!!

race’s background is him and al and al’s is just race and they’re so cute and so in love

race n al both getting super into the game and they’re put on opposite teams and become like. lethal. like race is super smart ofc but he’s not saying anything so al has NO idea where to find him, but alternatively, someone keeps killing race’s teammates and no one can seem to beat them theyre so strong??

at one point al walks in and race is like hey hey hey! it’s radioactive red! and starts playing radioactive by imagine dragons and al, bright red, is like i’m going to kill you slowly and race, cheeky bastard, is like ha that’s kinda hot babe and winks and al’s just turning even more red

and ppl are like????? wait wait wait how is al the top did you see how flustered he got?

race n al literally laying on top of each other and full body cuddles but they both get so red when they hold hands and everyone’s like? you just literally sit in each other’s laps but ok

izzy these are fucking incredible i’m dying 😭

- al is such a little shit he totally would do that. race unplugs albert’s gaming monitor but the one with chat is still up and the cameras still going for the stream so everyone can see race whack al in the head with rolled up magazine from his desk and albert just throws race over his shoulder and spins around in circles while chat is loosing its fuckin mind

- whenever albert and race end up on different teams in a game race isn’t as good at and can’t just,,,,, math his way out (i.e. rocket league) he babbles in italian and it got to the point where al would get so distracted he would end up loosing the game cause he’s too busy internally going holyshitthatsreallyhotholyshitholyshit. albert went absolutely scarlet when he saw all the gifs of it and he’s sitting on the couch scrolling through twitter and race walks up behind him and leans down and whispers “why didn’t you mentioned you liked my italian” in italian and albert just ✨looses it✨

- SLEEPY 👏 ALBERT 👏 he doesn’t fall asleep on stream very often, but they do 12+ hour charity livestreams at least once a month so,,,, tired red is a common occurrence. he lives in a perpetual state of,,, ruffled? messy hair sticking up in every direction, a voice that always kinda sounds like he just woke up, constantly reaching for some form of affection from race that’s vaguely reminiscent of a toddler that just woke up from a nap between games, the like. he’s also a very deep sleeper, and it makes his already young face go from about,,,, 19? 20? to like 16 at best. he’s definitely getting better about seeing himself more accurately and all the fans think it’s so cute he doesn’t vehemently reject all of race’s compliments anymore.

- of course these two would be cute about having the same follower count. at one point someone follows albert but not race and race threatens to unfollow albert just to fix it, but about 10 seconds later the person follows him too and all balance is restored to the universe

- they’re 100% eachothers phone backgrounds. their lock screens is that cute thing where race has the half of the picture with albert in it and albert has the half of the picture with race in it and when you set their phones next to eachother in makes one picture. albert’s home screen is art jack made of them for his birthday. and race’s is a picture from the disney trip when al proposed.

- race is trying to pick albert’s teammates off from a distance, and he does fairly well for awhile, but as smart as he is race doesn’t have that much experience (especially compared to albert) so race’s teammates are dropping like flies literally ALL OVER the map and race is just like “?????? how the hell who is doing that” and albert is just silently chuckling to himself from his desk. eventually race is the only one left and albert finds him and just laughs maniacally while race dramatically falls out of his chair when he dies.

- y e s ok so albert blushes REALLY EASILY and race is,,,, race, so he’s honestly not that easy to embarrass and the general ‘red being flustered’ thing makes people confused how he’s the top. that is, until once race is laughing at how red albert is and albert just leans over and whispers something to race and race’s mouth snaps shut and his eyes get all wide and he just immediately changes the subject and albert has the smug look on his face and suddenly,,,, it all makes sense and that face race made gets so memed and albert laughs for 20 years over it

- honestly yeah it’s like

race: *kisses al’s neck and sits in his lap to try and distract him while albert keeps playing with a straight face*

also race: *can’t stop giggling for 5 minutes cause albert locked their pinky’s while showing him something and using the mouse*

~ or ~

albert: *carries race around the gaming room in victory or will randomly kiss him full on the mouth cause he just thinks he’s pretty*

also albert: *goes pink every time race calls him any sort of pet name, especially in italian*

this was written while also trying to keep track of the one year old and six year old i’m babysitting so i apologize for any random mistakes. no small children were harmed in the making of this post 😆

thank you for all of these i love them so much jdhdjdjd

#newsies #livesies #racetrack higgins #albert dasilva #never not read the tags #ralbert #spam ralbert gang #chaotic red and radioactive racer #youtuber ralbert #youtuber!au #youtuber au #jess is gonna love this one #i can feel it in my soul #THE WAY I LIVE FOR EMBARRASSED RALBERT #just make them in love but also very flustered #i need to add more stuff about albert’s tattoos too so if you wanna hear my whole rant about it lmk

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funny-house · 4 years ago

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Hey so um about Mirror Man theories / analysis I have finally decided to say something kinda important I think it’s fair I explain where my perspective comes from and at least tell you... something i’ve sorta been pushing down. like, i’m clearly doing that Thing again where i’m taking on everyone else’s perspective and forgetting to give my own so let me,, be honest

even though i think i’ve been avoiding it because i’m kinda outing myself on some personal junk but i feel like i need to explain and not just suddenly shut well intentioned people out for no reason

what I happen to have a lot of experience with is being with, or watching others be with a narcissistic abuser partially from personal experience with my weirdo family, but mostly because i used to attend a group that happened to teach about it. If someone was in that group for a severe relationship problem, being beaten or stalked or emotionally tortured--- odds are? they were dealing with a very specific kind of narcissist. So i overheard it again and again and again and again// I know the terms, i know the signs, i know the motives, i know the aftermath, blah

so despite how much i seem to be Excessively Fixated on this dumb mirror clay man-- there’s this barrier where i don’t want to feel too bad for him. I can totally.... cartoon-ify him!! and draw him, and talk about him in a very fictional way-- I treat him like a villain character. that’s why i outright call him a villain sometimes, despite him....... literally being a pretty realistic take on an abusive dad but i feel the need to keep this emotional distance from him and then i will absolutely vilify the guy the minute his relations with his family come up. Even though he isn’t..... real. lmao but when I’m asked to sympathize with him, even indirectly, as if he’s a realistic person? I do kinda get super uncomfortable. I’m way more comfortable when I speak about him in a way that reminds whoever's reading this that mirror man’s character is A Really Bad Dude even if it’s in a joke, like i just feel the need to passively remind over and over because that’s what i had to do when I was literally interacting with people who were in abusive relationships with narcissists. I feel responsible for my words, like if I say the wrong thing you might get the impression Mirror Man, a very vicious abuser who has hurt both his wife and his child, is..... “capable of being nice if you fix him.” ....... And then woops, they’ve run back to their ex.

and it’s not because you guys did anything wrong! I’ve literally told you to talk to me about it while at the same time i’ve been actively fighting this.... impulse to just ignore or be... not nice about the subject? idk I mean lmao-- i’m not a doctor but I am technically an adult, let me try to have some emotional intelligence and accept other perspectives here but--

i admit, it’s not a lot of fun for me because ummm I literally learned from being around groups like that to Never Show A Narcissist Sympathy Never Believe Them When They Say They’re Sorry Narcissist don’t change, they only pretend to learn, and they don’t accept criticism for ANY reason.

and i didn’t learn that from their words, i learned it from their stories. So I don’t agree that Mirror Man was ever apologizing, ever expressing remorse. I’ve SEEN that behavior. It’s a lie. The sheer complexity of this kinda guy’s manipulation tactics.......... it can’t be exaggerated. The way they laugh their apology and fall back on their mental health problems as an excuse- JUST in a single sentence? So fast you barely catch it? I’ve seen that, and i gotta say, i’d be surprised if Jack doesn’t have some sort of personal experience because that is spot on.

and that sticks with you yknow??? So I see Mirror Man and i’m just like OH HECK SOUND THE ALARMS we got another one everybody!!! but i also love to write characters!! so i DO understand how he got that way, i understand what his thought process is, and it’s SO interesting to depict and write about

like, i could open a Mirror Man rp blog, and be totally ok writing him. but if I’m writing him, i’m comfortable because i can control the narrative, ofc,, so I can make sure he isn’t unusually nice, that he’s... villain-like

so idk.

this is a jumbled mess and i’m going to cry i don’t feel like i’m explaining myself well um because it’s not that i don’t love hearing about Mirror Man! lmao I clearly do, i sure talk about the video enough but i’m not sure...... how to explain what I don’t want to talk about. I just hope this gives you some vague idea?

so from now on if i ever don’t reply to something Mirror Man related you said? I’m super sorry, really i am but you might have said something to make me uncomfortable? and i’m just going to stop making myself uncomfortable for no reason like the dumbass doormat i am,,,

#oh god sometimes it's even just a mood thing #like sometimes i have the energy to show him sympathy #and sometimes i'm really just in the mood to break his mirrors over his head///#'''''antagonistic''''' would be my take on him? lmao #but i'm so drained today tbh #post.txt #important

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the-darklings · 5 years ago

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—𝗖𝗢𝗔 𝗙𝗔𝗤;

Hello, everyone! So with COA being such a long-running series and new readers finding it constantly, I have come to realise that a lot of questions I get often repeat. So to keep everything easy and clear and friendly for everyone regardless of whether you started COA at the very beginning of the story or just recently found it, I have spent the day relaxing, eating junk food, and compiling this FAQ. Please read through it because chances are the answers are here somewhere. I have sectioned the guide into following: general, story, ships, original squad (OCs), AUS, OC!V and tips/advice. If the answer to your question is not here, please feel free to send me a message and have a wonderful day! <33 - kat.

GENERAL:

when does this story update?

I try to keep a bi-weekly schedule (now usually Sunday updates). But I always let you know when the chapter is done by making a final word count post (pre edits).

do you have a masterlist?

yes, you can find it here.

do you have a tag list?

not for COA. they’re very time consuming and I’m already really busy sorry :(

are your requests open?

I rarely open my inbox for requests. the only exception being the monthly blurb nights. then I reblog a prompt list and let people send some requests in for any fandom/ship. however, usually due to how many I get, it only happens every few months. that being said, you can still send me ideas/suggestions and if it inspires me, I will write it. that’s how the majority of the AUs have come about. but i’m also a very busy person so sorry if I can’t.

can I make X or Y for COA and tag you?

yes. yes. yes. please, please, feel free to create whatever for COA (no matter how small or silly) because I consider it a great honour that I’ve been able to inspire someone else. whatever it is, please tag me. I wanna see.

okay, I made a thing and tagged you but you didn’t respond :(

Tumblr is notorious for eating my notifs. whatever it is (art/post/etc) if I don’t respond to it in a day or two, please give me a nudge. you’re not being annoying, I promise. chances are I missed it/tumblr ate it.

I wanna scream/discuss/theorise about COA with others, is there any way for me to do that?

my amazing readers have set up this reddit page that is full of lovely people, theories, and memes etc. I check it often and interact on there, too, so feel free to drop by.

STORY:

how many chapters will COA be?

25. the last one being a very long epilogue.

have you decided on the ending yet?

yes. from as early as part 2. it's barely changed since.

will we ever see more of Prague/Naples? hoe, please say yes.

yes. I plan to write both as COA bonus stories after the main story-line concludes.

will there be a sequel?

depends. on two things: 1) if anyone will even care by that point 2) time. this story has consumed 5 months of my life entirely. i’ve been incredibly strict with myself when it comes to writing it (in a good way) but at best it won’t be finished till the end of august/beginning of september. so likely even if I do, there will be a break for a few months at least. I do have ideas though.

you promised us smut. where is it?

patience is a virtue. ;)

happy ending or tragedy? (please don’t say tragedy, you monster)

I would describe it more as “bittersweet” but whether it leans more towards bitter or sweet you’ll have to see.

SHIPS:

any endgame hints?

you know more about the ending than you probably realise

can v/s finally go to Paris? for the love of GOD? pLEASE?

hector + v? powerful. will there be more of them in the future?

agreed & yes. hector and v have their own arc to go on. it’s actually one of my favourites in this story. I don’t want to say more than that right now because I have plans for their dynamic so no spoilers. :)

please stop bullying john. give us some j/v content please?

i, for one, adore john. it’s team S that’s bullying him lol. but wait till parabellum. i’ve always referred to that portion of the story as the second coming of j/v.

does lucien actually have a thing for v or is it a creepy obsession?

it’s both.

I ship v with everyone :/ is that bad?

the sky is the limit. ship all the things proudly (but seriously, no, it isn’t. I ship all the ships, too, and that’s the fun of it)

v/elder tho? 👀

🔫🤡

j/v or s/v? be honest.

you fool,,,, you buffoon. ot3 j/v/s is where it’s really at. imagine their POWER.

ORIGINAL SQUAD:

what do the Elites/Lovers look like/how old are they?

please refer to this

will there be more step??

of course. he’s my baby. :)

will we see more of camorra/learn more about the elite’s and their backstories?

while I would love to take the time and flesh them all out with full backstories, only hector will be getting his backstory explored in the main canon because plot.

does lucien care for mika anymore or has he replaced her with v?

lucien is a messy hoe. mika is his subject of “affection” but v is his foil and equal. he recognises the same hurt in her that he has gone through himself so it’s more of a fixation. with time, lucien would likely destroy v so no bueno.

I ship our OCs.

I do, too.

can we write about your OCs/V?

so you would have to come to me and discuss this more in private but I’m fine with this sort of thing usually. in fact, a prequel hector story already exists so you’re likely good but please contact me first.

AUs:

when/how often do you update the vampire!au?

whenever I have time/inspo. mainly time. so this means you can get it daily or not get it for several weeks because COA is priority. I keep you all updated on when I have something cooking tho.

what is the actual pairing for vamp!au?

undecided as of yet. i’m leaning more towards ot3 right now but we shall see.

how often do you update flowing in me?

same as the above. whenever I have the time but I will keep you updated.

how many parts will flowing in me be?

I have 5 parts(ish) planned.

do you have a tag list for flowing in me?

I will. please leave a comment on the story if you want to be tagged in future parts!

will flowing in me feature other characters (john, winston etc.)?

this story is mainly camorra-centric but I do plan for John to appear at some point.

how did you come up with your lore in vamp!au?

to be completely honest....I just wrote a bunch of stuff down and used what stuck. mostly the ideas were pulled out of thin air while still trying to keep within the spirit of the canon material (the high priest, the holy church, the twelve priests, john being the boogeyman etc). camorra as the natural enemy seemed fitting and santino as a vampire prince even more so.

can we send you new au ideas/expand on old ones (manager!V etc)?

yes, always. I always try my hardest to reply but ofc I can’t promise I’ll be able to use them all but thank you in advance.

OC!V:

who is the face claim for OC!V?

weronika spyrka

what is her real name?

clara

how old is she at the beginning of the story and now?

23 beginning of chapter 1, 30 beginning of chapter 4 (current timeline)

will/would you ever write an original story about her?

I have considered creating something original out of COA itself or one of its sister series/concepts (like FIM). since I really started working on COA during last year’s NaNo, that might be the time I create something original this year.

TIPS & ADVICE:

how do you write so much, so quickly?

I don’t think that word count is really reflective of the quality work itself. I don’t think you should worry how much you write, either. 100 words can be just as valuable as 1k. most of them time I have a deadline breathing down my neck and I do work well under pressure so that inspires me to force the chapters out. I also do very long days because despite what it might look like I’m not a fast writer.

how can I improve my writing?

read and practice. I know it’s dumb and overused advice but it’s how I learned english and found my style (still a mess and WIP) but still this advice does help.

how do you keep motivated?

spite, your support, genuine adoration for these characters/word, a lot of spite.

do you plan? outline?

I have a vague story outline with specific scenes in mind as I go along (helps to set up foreshadowing, twists, and those ‘full circle’ moments). I also plan each chapter scene by scene and know what each chapter is meant to accomplish. So yeah in a sense.

#i will add more in the future if it comes to mind #with this future parts coming up i imagine more questions will repeat lol #faq post #fic: children of ares

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frostbitten-written · 4 years ago

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So, you wanna request a fic...

Before you request a fic, please read the FAQs!

What kind of fanfics do you write?

I typically write one-shots, on occasion, I work on multi-chaptered fics. I do write smut, fluff and angst. I tend to write for Mr Tom Hiddleston, Lucifer (Netflix) and Supernatural.

I did enjoy Vampire Diaries, Good Omens, Sherlock and The Originals once upon a time. I could attempt them, but I don’t guarantee!

How can I send in a fic request?

Note: If you request anything to be written, you must be following me. I don’t mean to be “that person” but, if I’ll be putting so much effort into creating a one-shot, the least you could do is support my work, which would include your future one-shot.

If you request a fic anonymously, it will be considered a “prompt” and given less priority than a “non-anon” request. This is only because it’s less personal given its anonymity.

If fic requests are open, you can send an ask (either anon or not), or send me a direct message.

How do I know if fic requests are open?

It will be listed in my Tumblr bio whether fic requests are open or closed!

How do I write my fic request?

Give me the basic idea that you have in mind. You can include (some) intricate plot ideas and dialogue you’d like included. Tell me the character you’d like me to write about, give me an OC (original character) name to use and the theme or scenario you want. Let me know what kind of one-shot you’d like, meaning: does it include smut, fluff, angst or any combination of the three? The more detailed you are, the better idea I get for writing your request. Feel free to be as vague or detailed as you want.

Notes: I don’t write for Y/N or reader. I tend to write in the third person and on occasion first person.

Also, my OCs, for the most part, have anonymous identities. I know that is quite the oxymoronic phrase, but let me explain. I try to make my work as inclusive as possible. To accomplish this, I try not to add any details that would make you believe that the character is one race over another. The idea is for the character to be uniform enough that no matter your race, you can still relate and mentally fill in details, specific to your race.

Ex: When he plays with her hair: you can imagine what hair colour, hair type, hairstyle, etc. (I don’t specify too much, but I give just enough information.)

Sometimes, though, I do like to try and explore ethnic characters, respectfully, but for the most part, my characters remain anonymous.

Do you only write smut?

Although I usually default to smut, I do also write non-smut fics!

When I do write smut, it will ALWAYS be consensual.

If I think it may or does come off as dubious or non-con to others, I’ll warn in both the notes beforehand and the tags.

What characters can I request?

Note: Although I do so sometimes, I don't like to write for real people. I try to avoid it as much as possible, but when an idea comes a-knockin' it happens. I kindly ask that you don't request for real people. I could write the same plot, but for a character.

I write fics for Tom Hiddleston's characters! That list includes Professor Hiddleston, CEO / Jaguar Villain Tom, Jonathan Pine, Loki, Dr Robert Laing, Captain James Conrad, Sir Thomas Sharpe, (Hiddleston’s rendition of) Hank Williams and Adam. I could try to give his other characters a go, but I don’t guarantee that they would be in really good characterisation.

I also write for Supernatural. Typically, I stick to Dean Winchester and Castiel (not Destiel, but x OC), however, I might be able to try writing for other characters after reading the request, so don’t hesitate to ask because you never know!

Lucifer is too tempting to resist. He’s been around for quite a while, and he’s also fun to write for. Again I typically only write for him (possibly Mazikeen) so keep that in mind, but same rules apply. I could always give another character a shot.

What pairings can I request?

Hiddleston character x OFC

SPN x OFC

Lucifer x OFC

Also, see the previous question for a detailed answer.

Is there anything I can’t request? (TW)

Yes, there are a few things I don’t like to write/refuse to write. These include:

Dubious consent

Nonconsensual relations

Incest

Underage

Suicide

Self-harm

COVID-19 related topics

If your request contains a sensitive or triggering topic/theme, please consult me, and I will determine whether or not I feel comfortable writing this request.

How long will it take for my fic request to be published?

This depends on how many fics I have lined up to write. Some days, I have the time and can write all day, on others? I can have time but still, get nowhere. In addition to requests, I primarily write my one-shots (WIP) and multi-chapters that haven’t been requested. I try to publish every weekend, but life can get busy. I will always let you know if something may take longer than expected.

Can I check up on the status on my fic?

Of course! Feel free to ask for an update on your fic’s progression. I’ll let you know how far along it is and provide any details you’d like to know. If I think it’s good enough, I might even send you a little snippet as a preview.

Will my fic request be a one-shot or a chaptered work?

All requests will initially be published as one-shots. If the fic gets enough comments asking for a continuation of it, I might add a second or third part to it. Chaptered fics are usually something I work on at my leisure and don’t come from requests, but as Ian Malcolm said in Jurassic Park, “Life finds a way,” so an idea might just take root and become something more!

Will you say no to a fic request?

As the author, I reserve the right to deny a request, alter it or even abandon it. Whether it is due to the content of the request or the number of fics I have lined up, I do hope you understand. Declining a request is nothing personal and I encourage you to continue to seek out another author to write your request, there are so many excellent ones to choose from! If you have any other questions, just let me know! I’ll do my best to answer you as quickly as possible!

Also, note: This FAQ is subject to change at any given moment!

Although I write for free, would you mind supporting my work on Ko-fi? I’d really appreciate it! 💕

Visit my Masterlist for more!

#frostbitten_written #frostbitten-written #requests #fanfiction #tom hiddleston fanfiction #loki fanfic #james conrad fanfic #robert laing fanfic #thomas sharpe fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #lucifer fanfiction #frost's FAQs

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gunnerpalace · 5 years ago

Note

I belonged to another heated (but no longer debatable imho) ship were I've known a lot to be IH. And ofc I feel bad they have to bear witness to people so salty about the ending and hated Ino. I hate Ino too with burning passion, and that kinda made me feel guilty. But the psychology major in me was baffled as to how they conclude immediately w/ no analysis she was hated not only because of ships but because either she was written terribly, or she was written to be terrible. Or probably both.

Why cant Ichigo and Rukia be married to someone we could *infer* (because duh it’s not canon they will argue) they are in love with? Someone they have shown to share bond with? “Oh well, its becoming commonplace that the hero doesnt end up w/ main heroine, it’s revolutionary!” Bullshit. Sadly that is logic fallacy you dumbasses. Where’s the progress? Kubo tried, barely even. And again, it’s not even about the ships, its the entire work that has become an anomaly–Bleach as became Bleauuughch.

Again, I feel bad they have to bear the weight of evert criticism, the insult, and the salt of basically a majority of bleach fandom. But I hope they can tell that majority (like 99.99999999998%) of the criticisms are valid and not just hate. If they couldnt bear to actual do analysis of why people hated it, then dont bother plead or guilt trip or go to ppl inboxes why should we just move on. Well, majority already did that’s why all was left were ppl who couldnt be bothered with actual quality.

Here’s the ugly truth about people: they can’t read.

Or they don’t want to.

We have this holdover idea from the Enlightenment that if you can gather enough evidence in fine and exacting enough detail, that you can not only discern some kind of truth, but convince other people of it through the preponderance of evidence. And we have structured our society around that idea, from politics to law to science to academia in general.

The trouble is that that idea is bullshit outside of academia.

That is not at all how regular people approach the world.

And the more we rely upon an idea that people are rational, the more we will be lost at and disappointed by the actuality that people are irrational and emotional.

Consider climate change. The scientific community has had roughly 97% consensus that climate change is being anthropomorphically driven (that is to say, somewhere between overwhelmingly and entirely caused by human activity) since at least the very early 2000s, if not back much earlier. Indeed, we know that the oil companies were aware of it at least as early as 1981! And here we are in 2020, with some 31% of the population either unsure of or disbelieving in it.

Whenever the matter is debated politically, scientists will trot out their facts and drop them on the table and point. The facts are self-evident, they feel. And then the conservative politicians will shrug and say, “I don’t believe you.”

And the scientists have no idea what to do about that. Because to their minds, facts are indisputable. You cannot argue with them.

But you can, as the conservatives illustrate. You just choose not to believe in them.

We are witnessing something very similar with COVID-19 at the moment, with large swathes of the (American) population simply not believing it to be a threat, in spite of all available evidence to the contrary.

We see the same thing with political leadership debating the question of whether to prioritize health or economics, and our media treating this as if it is a legitimate policy debate, when we already know the answer to that question from the Spanish Flu of 1918: towns and cities that were locked down and quarantined suffered fewer casualties and had much faster economic rebounds.

People generally do not read.

People generally do not process.

People generally do not analyze.

People generally do not learn.

And if they can’t do those things for very large-scale existential threats that can threaten anything from tens to hundreds of millions of people worldwide, to the entire ecosphere of the planet, why would one expect them do so for a piece of fiction?

If people cannot handle cold, hard statistical facts, or simple arithmetic, then they certainly cannot handle something as “subjective” as facial expressions or dialogue. I have written recently about how the attitude toward non-fandom things (e.g., politics) increasingly resembles that of fandom, of approaching everything as though it is merely an aesthetic exercise.

That is really what we are dealing with here: ignorance. And not merely ordinary ignorance, not even willful ignorance, but an ignorance so deliberate and cultivated that its goal is nothing less than the total erasure of the facts. (The problem here, in this particular example, are of course the people who say unequivocally, “Ichigo always loved Orihime,” in spite of all evidence to the contrary. Someone who says, “It is clear to me this wasn’t a thing, but I like IH aesthetically,” is a non-issue.)

(Demanding or trying to force this former perspective does, as you suggest in the third ask, indicate a certain insecurity and a tacit admission that the perspective being advanced is illegitimate or poorly substantiated. However, for the people so enthralled to openly admit that is a psychological admission of defeat so severe that most would literally rather die than own up to being wrong to such an extent, and to suffer the attendant internal loss of face. So they seek continual external validation of it to shore it up.)

There is, in essence, no point in communicating with this kind of fan whatsoever. They are functionally like how Kyle Resse describes the Terminator in The Terminator:

Listen, and understand! That Terminator is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear! And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead!

There is a lot of tepid discussion out there in political circles that the degree of polarization in society today is unprecedented and that a way to bridge that gap could be through shared interests and values. But in my opinion, fandom proves exactly the opposite is true: the reasons people like things that are nominally “shared interests,” and their view of those things and why they are good, are completely and utterly irreconcilable. There is, essentially, virtually zero overlap in a Venn diagram of the perspectives. Shared interests divide as much as they will ever unite.

In that regard, Bleach should be treated as both a warning and a grim assessment of our world as a whole. It is not really an aberration.

It is the future.

This community (among others) has simply been living in it a few years in advance of other people. Everyone else has gotten their first big taste of it with Trump. (The Republicans have been constructing an alternate reality since 1964, but comparatively few people were aware of how deep the rabbit hole went.)

In my estimation, it is not worth engaging with people over a shared interest with sincerity, let alone in good faith, unless you have done some degree of vetting of their perspective. Most likely observing them or their works for a time. Without that, you simply open yourself up to these people who show a total lack of discernment or rationality.

And that is a large part of why social media is such an absolute garbage fire, because as platforms they are built around precisely the opposite notion. (And largely in defiance of the idea that people might want to curate their experiences or might not want to have “healthy debate,” which is almost never healthy and seldom ever debate). Some would argue this leads to echo chambers and hug boxes, but it’s not like the alternative that these companies have produced (for profit, of course, rather than for of any ideological mission) is any better.

To boil it all down, what we are really forced to rely on (quite sadly) is a free market approach: no matter how much that side rages and waves their “canon” status around, they simply do not produce much content. They will starve long before our side does, regardless of any other factors. (Their “canon” status did not help them any in the past four years.) And the people who are agnostic (e.g., the “I’m Still Bleach” crowd that is for some reason vaguely invested in the series as a whole) will lose interest and move on to the next shiny thing.

The only thing that is necessary in the face of all this is really patience. In the meantime, the best thing is simply to ignore the existence of such parties utterly.

#Asks

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blog-sliverofjade · 4 years ago

Text

Hearth Fires 12: Chiaroscuro

Pairing: Remi Denier x OFC

Summary: Lorel Maddox just wants to live as a human, run her bakery in peace, and forget. Unfortunately, the alpha of the local leopard pack has very different ideas.

Remi Denier doesn’t know what to make of the female Changeling who wants nothing to do with him or the RainFire pack. He does know that he has a driving need to protect her. Even if it’s from herself.

While they’re embroiled in a battle of wills, there’s a war brewing on the horizon. The outside threat could not only destroy everything they hold dear, but tear apart the fragile new bonds of the Trinity Accord, plunging the world into bloodshed to rival the Territorial Wars of centuries past.

Word count: 2138

Content warning: Content warning for references to child abuse and overtly racist cops. Bear in mind that it was already written into the plot before 2020 happened.

Hearth Fires Masterlist

Beta read by the brilliant pandabearer

“I am disheartened by this reprehensible act against two of our citizens. We do not condone hatred, bigotry, racism, or intolerance of any kind here. I hope this brings us together as a community.”

-Narinder Rao, Bryson City Mayor

The sheriff was trying to play dominance games with an alpha. He left Remi cooling his heels in the waiting area for ten minutes despite the fact he’d arrived promptly for their scheduled meeting. Shaw had tried to avoid him outright, but Remi pulled the media card and he relented immediately; he’d won his position by a scant margin and didn’t have the political clout to withstand a media frenzy. If he still refused to play ball after this, well, Remi still had a few more cards up his sleeve.

Several deputies seemed to have important business in the front office while he waited. While he wasn’t in the mood to play, RainFire needed to cultivate as much rapport with Enforcement as possible. So he donned his easy-going demeanour like the well-worn armour that it was and flirted and charmed while not promising anything.

“Mr. Denier,” Shaw called, noticeably irritated he had to come in person since his receptionist was currently slipping his phone number into Remi’s hand. He’d scented the other man before he spoke, of course, but there was no need to be rude to the young psy in front of him who was obviously inexperienced in flirting.

“À plus tard, cher,” he winked, tucking the slip of paper into a pocket to dispose of later. Red flagged the younger man’s cheeks and he ducked past his boss to make his way back to his desk.

The sheriff’s polite smile was strained as Remi sauntered over to him; he made sure to keep the leopard in his line of sight as they walked back to his office in silence. Stale coffee and the maelstrom of dozens of people assaulted his senses.

“I always wondered, what made you decide to come here?” Shaw asked, southern accent thick, as Remi settled in one of the two chairs facing his desk. He stifled the urge to bare his teeth in annoyance at the small talk when all the animal wanted to do was tear out the throat of its enemy. It was too uncivilized to bother with social niceties, especially when it saw the man as a threat to be eliminated

“It was what was available for a new pack,” he shrugged, seeing no need for prevarication. The information was out there for anyone who cared enough to look, and he had a feeling the Sheriff had done his homework. There was more to the process, of course, but that was the bare bones of it.

“Doesn’t seem right that the good folk of this county don’t get a say in a pack of predators moving in,” Shaw feigned bewilderment and shook his head, light glinting off a pate shaved to hide the fact he was mostly bald. “It would’ve been better for everyone if we’d all stayed in our own lanes. Nothing good ever came of pandering to the other races.”

“Talk to your Trinity representative about that,” he said flatly. “Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, where are you at in the investigation into the assault that occurred outside Acapella two nights ago?”

“Mr. Denier-”

“Alpha,” he corrected. “My proper title is ‘alpha’.”

“Alpha Denier, it’s still the early stages.” In a false display of sympathy, Shaw leaned forward to loosely weave his thick fingers together on top of the desk. “We have no fingerprints, no DNA, no witnesses, and no suspects. You must understand that we have limited resources and an inquest would require much of that with very little chance of success.” Shaw spread his hands as if in remorse.

“DNA evidence was taken at the hospital.” What he didn’t say was that the pack had taken their own samples, while theirs wasn’t admissible in court, there was still a chance that it would help identify the assailants for some extra-judicial justice.

“The hospital didn’t have a protocol for preserving evidence, no need for it before you people moved here. The samples weren’t logged properly and got destroyed. A damn shame, but I’ve been assured they’re remedying the situation.” It didn’t take the nose of a changeling to tell that Shaw was lying, he didn’t bother to hide his smugness at stonewalling Remi.

“RainFire offers its assistance in the investigation.”

“You don’t have the authority.” The flat rejection was no less than what Remi had expected.

“One of the survivors is changeling, therefore changeling laws apply should RainFire choose to exercise our rights.” What went unsaid was that changeling justice was swift, brutal, and brooked no interference.

“Forgive me if I doubt you’n’s impartiality.” The smirk that had been dancing in the human’s eyes died, leaving them flint hard.

“Local Enforcement leadership has already proven its own lack in that area.”

A vein in the officer’s forehead throbbed as his blood pressure and heart rate increased. The cat wondered how hot the blood would be, how far it would gush if it sank its teeth into the human’s carotid arteries. The temptation to allow the leopard to surface was callow, yet strong, and completely unnecessary. Fear filled the office, hovering beneath the thick cologne Shaw wore. He wondered if the sheriff’s sense of smell was dulled or if he thought the cloying concoction would hide his reactions from Remi. It might have worked against a changeling who hadn’t grown up surrounded by the stink of constant fear, but the acrid bite was etched too indelibly in his memory.

“It’s becoming increasingly clear that local Enforcement’s reluctant to protect the changeling community but is more than willing to police it. RainFire will respond to any attack on changelings or humans with changeling affiliations within the area we have claimed.” Remi let the leopard rise in his eyes, not enough to change his pupils, just enough to remind Shaw he was right to be afraid.

“I won’t tolerate a witch hunt.” The sheriff gave his best imitation of a snarl.

“Nor will we.” The leopard’s growl was genuine.

Whenever Lorel found herself in need of parental advice, she inevitably called her aunt. Maternal, of course, since she only knew her father’s name and that of his now-defunct pack. Even though her grandparents raised her, calling them was out of the question, unless she felt like a lecture and shame; in her experience, there was no such thing as unconditional love. No, what she needed was a calm perspective from someone who wanted the best for her.

Pacing the living room while the call went through, she rubbed her palms up and down her arms. There was a strange buzzing under her skin. All the feelings and sensations bouncing around in her head drove out what she intended to say by the time her aunt Nora answered. What came out instead was peevish.

“Did you know that RainFire intended to expand their territory?”

“Sorry… you… breaking… up.” Her aunt’s words came haltingly even though there was no interruption in the video itself. Lorel could still make out every coil of hair that was so like her own, albeit auburn compared to her copper, glowing in the Australian sunlight. The vague, pastel memories of her mother showed in the older woman like ghosts. Her childhood impressions of her mom were of someone a little less colourful, gentler, but with the same mass of curls. The familiar sight seemed to chase back the gloom of early evening filling the corners of her own living room.

“Static hasn’t been an issue for nearly fifty years.” Not since the psy had invested in international telecommunications infrastructure.

“Yes, I did know, and I knew you wouldn’t have taken over the bakery if I told you. You deserve to-” she sighed and held up her hands, apparently at a loss for words. “To be whole.”

“I’m fine,” snapped Lorel. “What I don’t need is a pack of leopards threatening to kill me for the crime of living where they want to stake a claim.”

“What you need is something you’ve never been given,” she replied evenly. “And I’m partly to blame for that. I should have done more.” At that, Lorel swallowed the acerbic words on her tongue.

“We’ve been over this: you’re barely fifteen years older than I am and were in college halfway around the world,” she reminded her aunt with as much gentleness as she could summon. “Speaking of which, how are your classes going?”

“Harder than I remember, but I’m enjoying it so far. Nice attempt at changing the subject, though.” She wagged a finger at her niece, who pretended to be abashed. “Give them a chance, Lolo. If it’s not what you need, my cousin’s still willing to buy you out, but at least you’ll know.” Unable to look into a face filled with such tender love and concern, Lorel hugged herself and looked down at her feet.

“Besides, some of those cats are drop-dead gorgeous.”

“Aunt Nora!” she snapped her head up to gape at the other woman.

“I’m old, not dead!” Laughter lit up her entire being, wrapping around Lorel like a warm hug, and she couldn’t help but smile along with her even as she shook her head in fond exasperation. While she was on the edge of forty, her aunt could be- and had been- mistaken for her sister, and certainly young enough to be studying for a second career as a marine biologist.

“I love you, Lolo, and I know you wouldn’t have taken this risk on your own.”

“Yeah, who wouldn’t want to risk death threats?” Lorel unfolded one arm to wave her hand in a flippantly sarcastic gesture.

“You have choices: give the leopards a chance or sell to Marselo.” Her harsh, no-nonsense tone had Lorel twisting her face into a moue of distaste. Sometimes she wondered how Nora and Klaudia Maddox could possibly be related, but then, when least expected, her aunt revealed a spine of pure steel and the family resemblance was undeniable.

“You didn’t even want SweetCheeks, something about moving to Hicksville, Nowhere? I had to guilt you into it.” The older woman’s insistence had seemed strange at the time but made sense now that Lorel knew what her ulterior motives were.

“Yeah, well, I like it so far,” she admitted begrudgingly, burrowing her bare toes into the Aegean blue area rug. “You built up a good business.”

“Damn straight,” Nora sniffed with obvious pride. “So, you better take good care of it, ya hear?”

“Yeah, yeah, love you, too.” She rolled her eyes and thrust both hands into her hair. “They’re dangerous, No-No.”

“You’ve survived things that would break other people. I know you were taught to fear them,” a shadow of remorse crossed her face, “but my money’s on you.”

“What if I can’t?” The question was a whisper because she couldn’t speak past the knot in her throat.

“What if you can? Imagine what you’d be capable of.” The strength of her aunt’s love and confidence in her was still a kick to the heart and she’d always regret not confiding in the other woman when she was younger. Nora had fluttered like a vibrant butterfly at the edges of her youth; shame and a twisted sense of protection had kept Lorel from reaching out to her sooner, she didn't want her spirited aunt to put her life on hold for Lorel's sake. What support Nora could provide, no matter where she was in the world, had gotten her through some of her toughest years. As an adult, she soaked in as much of Nora's love as she could, and tried to return it as best she knew how. “I have to go, I have a date with some algae. Let me know what you decide.”

“I will. I love you, No-No.” She kissed two fingers and pressed them to the comm screen.

“Love you, too, Lolo.” Her aunt mirrored the gesture on her end before they both hung up.

Twilight seemed to rush back into the room once the screen went blank; for once, she didn’t bother turning on a light and allowed the shadows to envelop her. It wasn’t fully dark to her eyes, never had been, yet she still kept nightlights around the house; a childish habit Nora had never ridiculed her for, seeming to understand without words why an adult changeling would fear the night.

“We are all sons of light and sons of day. We are not of night nor of darkness.” Her grandfather’s voice echoed in her head, accompanied by the remembered pain of sudden light on her sensitive eyes. “Why are you sitting in the dark? What are you trying to hide?”

Maybe it was time to stop hiding.

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fanfic-scribbles · 5 years ago

Text

Lunch Buddy: Chapter Eighteen

Masterlist

<<Previous Chapter Next Chapter>>

Overall Story Facts:

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Story Summary: Steve Rogers makes a friend. A prickly, generally people-averse friend, but they’ll both take what they can get.

Quick Facts: Friendship (/Eventual Romance) – Steve Rogers & Reader (leading to Steve Rogers/Reader) – Female Reader

Story Warnings: Reader-insert that verges on OFC, written in 1st person past tense

Chapter 18: Party Hard

Chapter Summary: Steve is a popular guy, whether he wants to be or not. Seeking shelter around Christmas seems appropriate for the season, at least.

Chapter Warnings: Whether the viewpoint character celebrates Christmas or not is left vague (there is a gift exchange but it’s mostly centered on what Steve would celebrate), general time jumps between days are marked with single tildes (~), and at the end there is a change in viewpoint and a change back, marked ~like so~

Chapter Word Count: 5241

A/N: This chapter was a little delayed because it wasn’t working and when I dug into why I found I had issues with the following sections that were mucking up the place. It felt like working out a real big snarl– frustrating and painful at first, but very satisfying when I got to the end of it. And slightly cathartic when I just ripped out the bit that refused to budge. It was fun. I hope you enjoy.

(Minor note: time is left vague but this all starts just a few days after the last chapter and happens over a couple of weeks, ending just before Christmas. I have sort of a fake calendar I’ve done up so the dates make sense to me but I don’t think they’re necessary to understand the chapter. If I’m wrong let me know and I’ll see if I can fix it so it does make sense.)

I was having a perfectly pleasant evening at home. I had comfy clothing, I had drinks, I had my phone, I had activities…and I had activities involving my phone.

Me: How’s the party? Steve: Ugh

Bothering Steve would always, no matter what, be fun.

Me: Serves you right Me: trying to guilt-trip me Steve: My only regret is I didn’t guilt you more Steve: I can’t believe you abandoned me to this Me: And I can’t believe you wanted to subject me to that Steve: >:( Steve: I’m reduced to hiding Steve: From a very drunk woman who wants to lean on me Steve: Among other things Steve: Or so she assures me

I felt a flare of something. It wasn’t anything nice.

Me: Hang on Me: Omw Steve: Is that all it takes?

‘Is that all it takes.’ He was such a fuckhead sometimes; maybe that woman could have him– except, no, actually unacceptable. Any potential partners had to understand ‘no means no’ and when to back the fuck off.

Me: Yup Me: There is only so much arm space for clingy bitches Me: And I take up a lot of room Steve: Hey Steve: You are not a bitch Steve: >:( Me: Don’t you frowny-face me mister Me: I am whatever I want to be Me: Deal with it

I added the sunglasses emoji just because.

Steve: Well Steve: I can’t argue that Steve: But I still don’t like it Me: You don’t have to Me: <3 Steve: I guess that’s fair Me: Seriously though Me: Do you want an excuse to leave? Me: I’ll figure one out Steve: It’s okay Steve: I’m going to be up early tomorrow so I’m going to duck out soon Steve: It just would have been more fun with you here

I rolled my eyes. But I smiled.

Me: Well Me: Don’t stay too late, Cinderella Steve: Hm Steve: Better than the old man jokes I guess Me: I would never Me: …Well I guess I might. Too easy though; I like to make an effort Steve: I appreciate your work ethic

The conversation drifted off in drips and drabs, but that night I dreamed of Steve and glass slippers and in the morning I woke with the feeling that nothing had fit quite right.

Steve: Guess where I am

I got up and peeked out the window. No bike, but that didn’t necessarily mean no Steve. However I looked around my apartment and cringed at the mess.

Me: If you’re dropping in you better be bringing snacks Steve: I wish

I frowned at my phone. If he wasn’t coming over then why was he…wait a minute. Wait.

Me: No Steve: Yes Me: It’s Thursday Me: Who has a party on Thursday?! Steve: Pepper assures me it’s not technically a party Steve: It’s a small get-together Me: So it’s a small party Steve: Basically Me: We’re going shopping this weekend Me: We need to find you a spine Steve: YOU try telling Pepper no Me: Hey I never said I had a spine Steve: Be grateful Steve: She really tried to get me to invite you Steve: I danced around it. I knew you wouldn’t want to with work tomorrow Me: Yeah, not happening. Thanks Steve: You’re welcome Me: Seriously though Me: How many parties can those people have in one month? Steve: Please don’t ask Steve: I don’t want to find out Me: I hate to be the one to break it to you Me: But it sounds like you’re going to find out Me: Whether you like it or not

He sent me a sad frowny-face and I immediately imagined him making the same expression. I looked up at my ceiling and wondered why it had to be now that I had the most active imagination I’d had since I was seven.

Me: Well Me: If you need a place to hide out from fancy food and grabby people Me: You know where to come Me: I don’t really do fancy food Steve: What about the grabbing?

‘Buddy, I wish,’ I thought and rolled my eyes. He had no idea. And he never would. Hopefully.

Me: I like to think I’m respectful of personal bubbles Steve: Except when I steal your food Me: Well yeah Me: At that point you’re a thief Me: And punishment must be meted out Steve: Crap Steve: Tony saw me, gotta go Me: Good luck Steve: Gee thanks

I sent him a sweet smiley face, because some things just couldn’t be helped.

Karma kicked my ass the very next day when I woke up with such a sudden and severe cold that made me call out of work. I was just barely considering getting out of bed for maybe some soup or a slow crawl directly to the morgue when my phone buzzed.

Steve: I think I hate you Me: I didn’t do it Steve: Another party Me: … Me: … Me: Dude Me: It’s ten am? Steve: It’s tonight Me: I’m sick Me: Come over and I’ll cough on you Steve: I can’t get sick Steve: I never thought I’d be sad about that Steve: Wait Steve: You’re sick?

I rolled my eyes. And winced, because that just hurt my fucking head.

Me: Yeah. Staying home today. Steve: Do you need anything? Steve: Help? Food?

I really wished he could stop being so sweet. It was a real fucking problem sometimes– like now, when I could think of a whole list of things I wanted his help with that was just slightly past the friends barrier. Or maybe friends cuddled and I was just out of the loop? I made a mental note to look into that, when I was slightly less disgusting.

Me: No thanks Me: Got medicine, got soup, got bed Me: Just need to decide if I can keep anything down Steve: Oh :( Me: I’ll be okay Me: Just need some sleep to kick this in the ass

And warm arms wrapped around me, but I kept that to myself. Maybe I’d have a nice dream later.

Steve: You do that Steve: Get plenty of rest Steve: And call if you need anything Steve: I will be incredibly motivated as of 9pm tonight Me: Oof Me: I would offer to be your excuse Me: But I’m hoping a cocktail of cough syrup and pain meds will make that way past my bedtime Steve: Stay safe Me: I will. Worrywart Steve: Yup <3

He was trying to kill me; I knew it. However I was so exhausted I just sent him a quick ‘bye’ and crawled back under the covers to be miserable and whiny on my own. Admittedly, ‘on my own’ left much to be desired these days, but I got through it like I always did.

Except for the container of soup from a local Chinese place that somehow made it to my door that afternoon. That was new addition to my ‘get better’ routine. But very much welcome.

Steve: Sigh

I already knew what was coming. Mostly because I was trapped in a similar hell.

Me: At least it’s close enough to an appropriate date Steve: I guess Steve: What are you doing? Me: Work holiday party Me: fml

A couple of women greeted each other nearby in tones that varied up and down but they all stayed pretty equally loud, and I ducked closer to the table, under which I hid my phone.

Steve: I guess it’s true Steve: Misery does love company

I sent him a line of middle fingers

Me: How’s YOUR party? Steve: Zzzzzzzzz

I ducked down further to hide my laughter.

Me: Seriously though Me: How many parties can one guy have? Steve: So many, apparently Steve: Last year wasn’t this bad Steve: He did get mildly offended you haven’t been to a one Me: Ugh Me: Wait, sorry Me: I don’t really mean that Me: I just have no idea how to do damage control with that guy Me: I don’t know what his deal is Steve: It’s okay Steve: Neither do I Steve: And he’s mostly joking Steve: I think Me: Good Me: I’d rather get along peaceably with your other friends Steve: Or be friends with them?

I thought about it.

Me: Gotta be honest Me: You have a lot of friends Me: That sounds like a lot of work Steve: They’re not so bad

I heard my name and glanced up to see my boss was looking around.

Me: Well you have fun with them Me: gtg boss is looking for me Steve: Don’t get in trouble Steve: I’ll see you later? Me: Later

My boss caught sight of me just as I was slipping my phone away and I subjected myself to being politely social for the rest of the night. I had…a lot more sympathy for Steve after that.

Not that I would ever let him know it.

Steve: Can I come over? Me: Of course

Not one second later I heard the buzzer for the entry go off. I let him up without even looking, so when he actually showed up at the door I froze like a deer in the headlights.

“Hey,” Steve said, his face a mixture of stormy and exhausted and his body clad in a finely (finely) tailored suit. He gave me a tired smile and held up a grocery bag. “I brought payment in snacks.”

Yes. Yes he did. Wait, no, snacks. Plural and actual. Literal. Right. “Sounds, uh, good,” I said and stepped aside to let him in, and I briefly hit my head on the door before I shut it. I turned just in time to see him sit down on my couch like he could sink into it, legs opened up and head thrown back. He shut his eyes and breathed. I took a second to do the same. But he looked so fed up with everything and that ended up being (sadly, selfishly,) good for my focus.

“What happened?” I asked and went to sit next to him as soon as concern won out.

“Nothing,” he said. “I’m just tired.”

I could only imagine. I reached out and squeezed his shoulder– but my instinct to leave my hand there propelled me up and over to the kitchen counter where I started unpacking the bag he brought. The first thing I pulled out was an interesting looking bag of something labeled entirely in Cyrillic. The very next thing I saw, hiding behind it I realized, was a box wrapped in paper and ribbons. I couldn’t even give him the benefit of the doubt– my name was written right there. “Steve.”

“Yes?” he asked, overly innocently and turned his bright blue eyes to me like he was some naïve young farm boy who couldn’t possibly understand why I said his name like that.

He was getting better. My bullshit meter was going off so hard it nearly broke and he still almost got to me. Still, I surreptitiously cleared my throat and said, (quite strongly, I thought,) “That is not going to work on me.”

He didn’t back down. His eyes even seemed to get bigger and bluer. “It’s a good time of year to get gifts for your friends, even if for no real reason. Besides, it’s just something I saw that I thought you would like. It’s no big deal.”

“Uh huh.” I liked the way he stretched his arm across the couch, and the way he stole glances at me like I wouldn’t notice. Starting off strong, getting weaker by the moment; I needed to tell Natasha to up his spy training. “Real subtle.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said and grabbed the remote. While he pretended to give a shit about holiday programming I rifled through the rest of the bag, dumped the caramel popcorn into a bowl, and took the bowl and the gift over to the couch where I plopped down as hard as I could in an effort to be as annoying as possible. He didn’t even flinch, just smiled as I put the popcorn in between us on the couch. The gift I set in the center of my coffee table, where it actually looked really nice.

“Aren't you going to open it?” Steve asked, trying to look like he was watching Jimmy Stewart get his Christmas miracle but, again, his eyes kept darting; this time between me and the gift.

“Mm.” I shrugged but inside I was taking my inner impatient five-year-old and turning her into a moustache-twirling villain, with the gift tied to the train tracks. It felt good. “It’s a Christmas gift, right?”

“Not necessarily,” he said.

“Well, I think most single gifts get opened on the 25th, so I’ll wait,” I said, grabbed a handful of popcorn, and settled in to enjoy a bell ringing like I never had before.

“It’s a– a December gift,” Steve insisted.

“Oh,” I said. “Then I have until December 31st to open it.”

“It’s A Wonderful Life” suddenly became the title of my night, maybe even my autobiography, when Steve said my name in the whiniest fucking tone I had ever heard outside of a bad comedy sketch about nasally nerds. I almost dropped the popcorn I held and, when I turned my head to stare at him, he was almost literally beet red.

“Can we pretend that didn’t come out like that?” he asked, looking down like he could stare right through the floor. I had never before seen someone who actually looked like they desperately wanted to be swallowed whole. “As a present to me?”

“Wow,” I said, because it was all I could say. Already the sweet sound of memory was fading, and I tried to hold onto it. “I got you an actual present so no. But wow. Wow. Happy holidays to me. Wow.”

“I’m taking my gift back,” he grumbled and made as if to grab it.

I curled forward to protect it but I moved too fast and accidentally dropped some of my snack, though Steve kept me from cracking my head on the table. “Shit,” I said and hurried to pick up the bits of food. “I just cleaned; if you make me get popcorn bits on my floor I’m making you drag out the vacuum.”

“I don’t think your neighbors would appreciate that right now,” Steve said and wolfed down his own heaping handful of the caramel corn, though he put the bowl on the table.

“My downstairs neighbor has a pre-teen who’s getting into EDM,” I said and pulled the gift into my lap. “Let them suffer as I have suffered.”

“Mm hm,” Steve said, already pretty thoroughly checked out as I turned the box over in my hands.

It wasn’t heavy, but it wasn’t tiny, and it was a fairly standard box so I had no idea what it could be. Maddening. I decided to put us both out of our misery.

“Really?” Steve said as I started picking at the tape on the side. “Are you going to save the paper?”

“Weeeeellllll…” I debated whether or not I should admit my failings, but came out on the side that it would make him smile and I couldn’t find anything wrong with that. Short of an unintentional Three Stooges act there was no way I was topping his whiny self. “I maybe didn’t get a chance to go buy wrapping paper for your gift, sooo…” After a moment I stole a glance, and sure enough, he was smiling.

“You didn’t?” he asked and even let out a little laugh.

“We’re saving the environment,” I said as I started peeling back the paper.

“Sure,” he chuckled. “You, me, and five square feet of wrapping paper.”

“There’s no way there’s that much on here,” I muttered as one corner decided to be a bitch. “How much tape did you use on this thing?”

“I didn’t know we’d be sharing it,” he said, and while he amused himself by harping on the point, I got my wrapping paper off and set it aside.

“–nd you’re not even listening to me, are you?”

“Why would I start now?” The box was plain and, at least for that, I had no compunctions about ripping the tape off. Inside was a lot of paper sitting under a small rectangular box and a shiny black satchel. “Thanks for the great packing materials,” I said as I dug around to make sure I wasn’t missing anything, but it seemed to be just the box and tiny bag.

“Happy to help,” Steve said but he sounded distant. He was staring at the gifts. I took another look at them and my stomach did a flip. The little rectangular box reminded me of–

“Open the box first and then open the bag right after,” Steve said. “It’ll make more sense then.”

When I opened the little box and saw a bracelet I had to hope it was going to make sense. It was…shiny and looked like silver. Chunky but plain. That was a good sign, right? Nice and shiny but plainly platonic. Right? I opened the little satchel and dug out tiny matching metal pieces that were shaped like…oh.

“Wow,” I said and spread the charms on the table around the bracelet still sitting in its pillowed case. “This is…Steve, this is so nice.”

“Oh thank God,” he said and let out a breath that sounded like it was as big as the one still locked in my chest. “I don’t see you wear a lot of jewelry but I saw the charms and it just seemed perfect. The metal’s super hypoallergenic or something– the woman was telling me that it should be fine for anyone with sensitivity to certain metals and I don’t know if you do, but I thought it was better to be safe, and it’s pretty, or I thought so–”

“It’s very pretty,” I said, a smile taking over. What the hell was he so nervous about? Whatever; even his babbling was charming and cute and I tried my best not to think that way because I should have been making fun of him, like a good friend, but I couldn’t rag on him while he was so excited. Or maybe I just couldn’t bring myself to rag on him about this.

“Here,” Steve said, reaching over and taking the bracelet out. Big fingers fumbled with the clasp but he put it on my wrist, and then he went for the charms. He held up the coffee cup. “Obviously,” he said and somehow managed not to fumble that time when he attached it. A cloud, “because you can be pretty gloomy and cranky sometimes,” and when I flipped him off with my other hand he just said, “see?” as he put it on. The book was, “again, pretty obvious.”

Then he put the joystick on and squinted at it for a second before he looked up at me, bright eyes framed by dark lashes, and wet pink lips I couldn’t kiss as someone I deeply cared for leaned into my personal space and gave me jewelry for Christmas. I looked down at the bracelet and focused on being grateful for the sweet, generous gesture this was rather than what I wished it could be. The bracelet itself wasn’t too much. It felt comfortable.

“I asked her if they had anything video game related and she said this was a good one,” he said, but he didn’t sound convinced. It took me a moment to remember what he was referring to. Joystick. Right.

“Remind me to take you to an arcade,” I said and held my arm up to the light. The charms were fun but plain and melded easily together from a distance; I could wear this anywhere and have it be appropriate. But I would know what it really was. “This is…so thoughtful. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said warmly. Softly. All of a sudden those repressed feelings surged forward to make my chest ache and for just a moment I thought of a world where he gave me jewelry and it meant something more. But I lived in a world where he gave me a piece of jewelry and looked quietly pleased with himself while I sat and admired it. It didn’t mean anything; it didn’t mean–

Actually, no, that was wrong. It did mean something. It meant Steve was a really good friend who gave me a wonderfully thoughtful gift. I really needed to stop being in my own fucking head so much or I was going to lose everything I already did have.

But I still needed a moment to come back down from the urge to hug him way too tight. “This is so nice, Steve, thank you,” I said and stood quickly, box and wrapping paper in hand. “I can’t lie, yours aren’t as amazing, so get your acting chops up while I’m wrapping them.”

“You know you can just give them to me,” Steve told me as I walked around the other side of the room to avoid any chance of tripping over him.

“Nope!” I said and shut the door to my room. Safe and alone, I breathed– but not too loud, because he might hear me. I grabbed his gifts and shoved them in the box (stuffed them, really) so I couldn’t think too hard and chicken out of giving him something. I messed up at a couple of points with the tape and, rather than ripping the already well-used paper by trying to fix it…I decided to go with it.

One full roll of transparent tape later, I walked back out feeling a little more composed, a little more me. I stood in front of Steve and proudly held out the box.

“It’s very shiny,” he remarked as he took it and looked it over. From the second I sat on the couch I was on the edge of it, eager to see what he would do. Would he try to return the favor by removing all the tape? Would he try scrabbling for an edge? Would he try tearing the paper to ribbons only for the tape to stick all over his hands?

None, apparently– he just pushed his fingers clean through the box right next to the edge and ripped the side right off. “Hey!” I said, because hey, no fair, but he just laughed at me and shook out his gifts onto the couch in between us. I crossed my arms. “You're no fun.”

“No fun at all,” he agreed happily and picked up the beanies. He rubbed one of them between his fingers. “These are very nice.”

“They’re good quality and warm and you look good in beanies,” I said. He put one on haphazardly and I laughed. “Maybe not with tuxes.”

“It does feel nice though; thanks,” he said and sorted through them. “I like the colors too.”

“Yeah, they’re all earthy or whatever,” I said and pointed at the most important gift.

“Unicorn slippers!” he said, seeming actually delighted as he picked them up. He then immediately took off his socks and shoes to put them on. “They fit! They’re soft.”

It was no bracelet, but I couldn’t keep a smile off my face. “I maybe hid some measuring tape near the entryway and ran over to your shoes when you went to the bathroom once.”

“Sneaky,” Steve said and set his shiny loafers aside. “I’m going to have to bring them every time I come over.”

“They’re worth it,” I said and wiggled my own unicorn-clad feet.

Steve picked up the last gift. Or ‘gift.’ “That’s not–” I stopped myself and tried to think of what I wanted to say. I just couldn’t figure out how I could say it that I wouldn’t sound stupid. I gave up on the pretense. “So that’s…just a little thing, that can actually stay here if you want, but it is yours. I know you’re not really into games, but I thought if you were over here maybe you could have your own controller.” As he looked it over, I quietly added, “And maybe I can look into…games with two players. If you’d like to play with me sometimes.”

“I would like that,” he said quickly. “To play with you.” He then turned bright red. “In a game– in a video game.”

I would have made fun of him, but I was choked by embarrassment too. Damn it, I had done so well with keeping my daydreams chaste (mostly, mostly chaste) and that fucker had to do that. I swallowed and tried to think of absolutely anything else while the time ticked on and our mutual embarrassment settled in. Luckily Steve still had the perfect distraction in his hands. “Hey– do you like the design?” I asked, looking from the Captain America shield design to Steve and back and back again.

He rolled his eyes. “Where did you even find it?” he asked and set the package down.

“I don’t know who does your marketing but they deserve a raise because they are putting in work,” I said and sat back, a little apart from him. I could only get so far on the same couch in a small apartment, but it was enough.

“I’ll be sure to pass that along,” he said.

The conversation died and I didn’t know if I should say anything or not, but I felt…mostly comfortable. Despite the slightly-less-but-still-a-little awkward silence. Outside was cold but we were warm inside with fuzzy slippers and snacks and a slate of classic Christmas movies.

“Hey Steve?” I said, looking at the TV.

“Yeah?” he asked and leaned in.

I definitely didn’t turn my head– I was afraid the temptation would be too great. So, I resisted. But I still had plenty to be grateful for. “I’m glad you ditched your dumb party to hang out with me.”

He chuckled and scooted closer. His presence was a wall of warmth that was too comfortable, so much so that I got a core workout just from sitting so rigidly upright. But then he said, “So am I,” and, well…it was worth it.

~Later; Avengers Tower~

“I told you you’d break him,” Maria said, sitting on one arm of the couch.

“Excuse me?” Tony extended his arms, drink sloshing dangerously up the sides of his cup. “I don’t see him here. Where do you think he ran to, hm?”

“We don’t know he went there.” Clint said, a little down the bar from Tony. “He could have run home.”

“No, he’s there,” Natasha said, tapping at her phone. “He’s on her couch, I quote, “eating chips in peace.’”

“Ungrateful,” Tony muttered and continued to do so.

The others ignored him. “So are we going to let Steve handle this on his own terms now?” Bruce asked.

“Bruce,” Natasha said, mock-frowning at him. “It’s like you don’t know us.”

Bruce rolled his eyes, but stretched and groaned. “It’s more like I’m partied out, and this isn’t working.”

“Yet!” Tony said and pointed at Bruce– again, with the hand holding the drink, so his drink sloshed over the side and onto Rhodes, who cursed and grabbed napkins to dry his shirt. “It hasn’t worked yet.”

“Tony,” Pepper said, exasperation lacing her tone. “I think it’s time to let this go. He’s going to refuse to come to any more at this point.”

“Except he has to come to the New Year’s Eve party,” he said, looking at her with eyes as serious as he could make them. He only wavered slightly.

“Oh,” Pepper said. “Yes, he has to come to that one.” She looked thoughtful. “Maybe we can make it a bit smaller.”

“‘Just us’ smaller?” Clint asked.

“Not too small,” Natasha said. “She’ll need a place to hide.”

Thor sat on the couch, with Jane sleeping on one of his shoulders and Darcy sleeping on the other, and he looked curiously around the room. “It is interesting that the Captain would be infatuated with a partner so…” He tried to think of a word, and settled on, “Meek.”

Clint and Natasha snorted in unison. “She’s not meek,” Natasha said. “She just keeps to herself and comes around on her own terms.”

Thor brightened and looked to his sleeping girlfriend. “Like my Jane,” he said and faced forward again, keeping his body very still so as not to disturb the sleeping women. “Perhaps Darcy will help in bringing her forward.”

Bruce cleared his throat. “Before we get too ahead of ourselves, how are we sure Steve isn’t going to skip the next party?”

“He won’t,” Natasha said. “As long as everyone shows up– and they will,” she said, shooting a look at Bruce. He, naturally, withered, and she looked around the room, finally settling on Pepper. “Put her name on the list. I’ll make sure he comes, and I’m certain he will bring his date.”

“The question is: do you think he’ll bring her as a date, or will it become a date?” Maria asked idly.

“Are we betting?” Pepper asked brightly.

As the rest of the group got involved in the debate, Bruce and Phil stared from their positions against the wall. “Poor Steve,” Bruce said. When Phil lifted his glass Bruce clinked his against it, and then they both downed the last of their drinks in unison.

~The next day~

Steve: Please Me: Steve Steve: PLEASE Me: …Are you on your knees or something? Steve: If I was and I took a picture would you come with me? Me: You seriously want me to come along that bad? Me: Why can’t you skip out? Steve: The NYE party is a big one Steve: Or so I have been told Steve: Sam is coming Steve: And I missed Thor at the last party Steve: I will never hear the end of it if I miss him at this one Steve: Please? Me: We forgot to go on that shopping trip for your spine Steve: It won’t do me much good when Natasha removes it Steve: She said I HAVE to go Steve: But Tony and Pepper always have good food Steve: And good alcohol Steve: And he pays the bartenders so well you literally aren’t allowed to tip Steve: Please? Me: … Me: I’m going to have to wear a nice dress Me: And makeup Me: And travel through the city on New Year’s Eve Me: To a big social event Me: This is going to sound weird because Stark’s parties are some hot thing apparently but Me: You are going to owe me so fucking big Steve: I already owe you! Steve: Thank you!

He went on to thank me in a variety of ways that normally would have made me laugh, but I already really regretted saying yes. Steve, all of his friends, me, and booze– I hit my head against my phone for each miserable fucking point. Oh, and people tended to kiss at midnight. Thinking of all the good alcohol made me feel sour, because I wasn’t going to be able to allow myself much of it. Not if I wanted to succeed in keeping my secret crush secret. And even with that pre-new year resolution, I still had a really bad feeling that I wasn’t going to be under wraps for long.

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#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers & reader #captain america fanfic #avengers fanfic #reader insert #lunch buddy #gift exchange #holiday parties #parties #texting #i love the texting bits but formatting them will be the fucking death of me

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roguesandsaviors · 5 years ago

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The Past Always Comes Back to Haunt

Fandom: Solace, The Red Road

Characters: Joe Merriweather, Andrea “Andy” Dawkins (OFC), Phillip Kopus

Summary: Andy loves her job at the FBI. She is good at what she does. She keeps the lid shut on the past as much as she can. Even if one Phillip Kopus haunts her dreams. It seems that it isn’t only her dreams that he is going to haunt.

Rating: SFW

Warnings: Cursing, violence, character death

Word count: 3,469

Bingo squares filled: Cop, Unrequited Love, Angst

Author’s Note: The first of many items that will be submitted to the Jason Momoa and Jeffrey Dean Morgan Summer Bingo Challenge. This crosses off several squares for me and was the first idea that came to mind when I began brainstorming. It’s full of angst as a fair warning. The flow was a little choppy but I actually like the way this one came out. At the end of the fic, there is also a little aesthetic/moodboard thing I made. @robinreadsallthefanfiction

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I looked down at my hands. It didn’t register in my mind that the blood that covered them was my own. There was pain but numbness was overwhelming the pain. It was spreading further and further throughout my torso. They said that was common but I never thought that I would be put in that sort of situation. I could vaguely hear what was going on around me but it was muffled at best. There were more gunshots happening around me, though it was dying down. The world slipped a bit as my feet couldn’t stay under me anymore.

“Shit.” Strong hands pulled me back. “Come on Andy. you gotta stay with me. Do you hear me?” Joe’s face came into view. It was just as bad as I thought it was from the horrified look on his face. I did my best to focus on it even if it confirmed to me that I was dying. I wanted to be able to respond to the man but it was incredibly difficult. My body was fading from my control and I was fully aware of what was happening.

“Sorry.” I managed to get out. A pained cry left me as he pressed down on my wound. I could hear him apologizing and reminding me that it was necessary. He was going to try to stop the bleeding but it likely wasn't going to do anything. The medics wouldn’t get here soon enough. He refused to accept it even though I already had. This was it for me.

“No. No you don’t get to go like this. I need you around Andy. Sweetheart…” The word was odd coming from his mouth and broke through the muffled noises. He hadn’t said that to me before. “I’m not ready to let you go.” It was the last thing I heard.

**********************

Staring at the building, I was nervous. This was a huge change for me. Out of the mountains and into the city, out of the mess with family and friends into a government agency. These were massive changes, turning my life onto it’s head. I had wished my mom and dad goodbye of course, when I had left for the academy and let a few of my coworkers know. They had to know since I would be leaving. But I hadn’t told anyone else. I had just upped and left without a word to anyone else. It had been easier that way. No one would try to stop me, talk me out of the decision, guilt me out of it because they felt betrayed. It had been a hard thing to do. Especially leaving Phillip behind. Phillip, my best friend since elementary school. We had done practically everything together. We had been attached at the hip, even when his father had come into the picture. He had more or less lived at my house for close to two years when we were in middle school.

Up until high school. That was when things began to change. I developed what I had hoped was a passing crush initially. He was my best friend. That was typical right? Most girls who had close guy friends ended up developing crushes. They went away though. He never looked at me lie that though. Never once. His eyes had been solely focused on one or two girls. Then came the mess of what he had become involved with. Things began to really change then. I never said a word but I didn’t agree with what he was doing, the mess that his father had involved him in. Even so, I kept my mouth shut and only voiced my concerns for his safety.

We steadily grew apart despite my best efforts. I didn’t want to be involved in what he was involved with, which just made it harder to spend time with him. Not only that, but he was high more times than he wasn’t. Those were the times that it wasn’t enjoyable to be around him. It didn’t seem to bother him that I was pulling away though. Not as much as it did me. He occasionally made an effort but they become few and far between. He never let me date though. I tried once or twice just to see if I could get over the crush that I was stuck with. It never worked out. Phillip chased away the two boys that I had tried to see.

After high school, it all spiralled out of control. He went off while I stuck around. I couldn’t keep him out of trouble and our friendship didn’t seem to mean all that much to him anymore. That never dulled the feelings I had for him unfortunately. While he was doing his thing, I ended up with a job at the police station. It started off as secretary work before they put me through the academy for a year. I had wanted to make a difference, help instead of harm my community, help others that couldn’t help themselves. What I didn’t expect was the job to be a perfect stepping stone to get into the Bureau academy.

Phillip had just returned from Florida and his stint in prison. From my understanding, it had been a mess, related to things that I hadn’t thought that he was involved with. Nothing could be done about that from my end though. It wasn’t my business and despite the flame that I held for him, it was no longer my problem. I did my best to avoid running into him. It would have been awkward and uncomfortable. If he knew what was I going to do, he wouldn’t be happy. That disappointment and hurt would have bothered me, a fact that was ridiculous in and of itself.

I had gotten through the academy with relative ease. My mind had been set and I had implemented a hard workout regime prior to my acceptance. My coworkers were more than happy to help out, keeping me on track. They were just as excited as I was to see me go.

Now I was standing here, in front of the building in New York, trying to work up the courage that I needed to head in and meet my new partner. Supposedly he was a veteran, someone who had accolades for the various successes he had already accomplished on the job. That was a comforting thought as much as it made me nervous.

“Building’s not going to move anywhere.” I, embarrassingly enough, flinched agt the sound of the voice that came from behind me. I turned around and of course it had to be my partner, Joe Merriweather. He was tall and lean, with a salt and pepper beard that suited the angles of his face. The suit hung off his frame a bit but it just accented how lean he was. I gave him a sheepish smile.

“No, I would hope that it wouldn’t.” I held out my hand. “Andrea Dawkins, Andy. You must be my partner.” He shook my hand, an amused smile on his face. He clearly knew who I was. There probably weren’t too many people that stood in front of the building and gawked.

“Heard I was getting a rookie today. Nice to meet you Andy. Joe Merriweather.” I nodded. “ No need to be nervous. Com on, I’ll show you around.” He led me inside, not mentioning the embarrassing situation.

I had been worried that I had made such a fool of myself that first day with Joe. Apparently, he hadn’t held it against me. He gave me plenty of opportunities to prove myself in the field and in the office. He was always encouraging without coddling me too much. He was a firm guiding hand that knew when to push and when to step in. He allowed me to work through things on my own where it was allowed and guided me through the others that needed a much more timely response. It was a workflow that had me less nervous and feeling like I was constantly improving. There was a routine there that was easy to fall into. It also created a comrodderie in between Joe and I. Sure partners got close and got together outside of work. That wasn’t unusual. We spent more time together than they did with their families.

We did a little more together though. Joe was divorced with a kid that his ex had custody. From what I learned, they were on good terms, it just hadn’t worked out between them with his job. I didn’t have anyone in the city that I was close with and I didn’t particularly like to head home to visit my partners. Couple those two things and we ended up spending a decent amount of time together. We got along well and our friendship outside of work didn’t affect work.

Trips to the diner, movie nights, car rides upstate, we kind of did it all. It wasn’t just a fill in the time sort of deal. We had genuine fun. Some of our coworkers joke that we were a couple. I had never gotten that vibe from Joe. he had never said anything or had given any indication that he saw me as anything other than a friend. I wasn’t looking for a relationship either. I wasn’t over Phillip, even if we had never been together and I knew we wouldn’t be. It was that first love sort of deal, tough to let go of those feelings that had been around for so damn long.

Joe never asked why I didn’t go home often or about my love life. We had peppered each other with personal questions once we were comfortable with one another of course. We were partners, we had to know one another. Partners worked better that way. I didn’t want to keep secrets and I had no qualms in explaining Phillip but Joe seemed to sense that it wasn’t a subject that I was all that eager to talk about. He never pushed and never tried to delve deeper into the history there. I was thankful for that. It could have made things awkward.

We were sharing some pizza, waiting on an observation of two idiots who were a part of an illegal arms trading ring. There was likely some drug stuff going on as well but we didn’t have the exact details. All in all, it was something that we both felt confident about handling. Low level thugs that could and likely would lead to bigger fish was the hope. Every investigation started somewhere. It was always the hope that the small things lead to bigger busts. The top guys could and wouldn’t be caught without guys like the ones we were watching going down first.

I took a bite of my pizza and almost choked on it when I saw Phillip walk out of the building. God damn it. Unconsciously, I slid lower into my seat. That was the last thing that I needed. He didn’t need to be recognizing me and blowing our cover. Not that he knew what I was doing for a living these days. I hoped.

Joe immediately knew something was wrong. I could feel his eyes on me, studying carefully.

“Which one is it?” There was no room for nonsense in his voice. He wanted answers and he wanted them right now. I swallowed hard and was silent for just a moment longer.

“Red hanley. It’s Phillip Kopus.” The words felt acidic on my tongue. I hated having to admit it, having to expose Joe to that. It was actually worse than the idea of having to arrest Phillip. Which by itself wasn’t present. But I didn’t want Joe disappointed in me. My stomach churned and I set down the piece of pizza I was working on. I didn’t want to be any part of this but it wasn’t like anything could be done about that feeling. We were here. He was seen. It was our job to arrest those individuals. My hands were tied.

“That’s Phillip?” Joe sounded a little surprised. I couldn't bring myself to look in his direction. I was too afraid to see the disappointment that I knew would be on his face. I closed my eyes and nodded.

“Yeah. That’s Phillip.” I had never wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole more than I did in that moment. Hell, even Phillip ditching me to go with another girl to a school event wasn’t as bad as this. It was just beyond embarrassing. I had wanted so desperately to keep those two parts of my life apart. Especially since those two parts would clash horrifically. There wasn’t a need for them to ever end up meeting. Sure I hadn’t been involved with anything that he was. I had a clean record. That didn’t mean that people didn’t associated me with Phillip back at home.

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise though that they did end up meeting up. I knew that Phillip didn’t exactly do things that were legal. He had a laundry list of charges already. I tried to keep tabs every so often even if we had no interactions. It was a peace of mind thing for me. My parents occasionally gave updates too. Judging how Joe reacted, he hadn’t done much digging. I didn’t know whether to be thankful or nervous about that fact. It could really end up going either way.

I thought that Phillip was done with his father. Apparently, I was wrong. This was not going to be enjoyable in the least. Maybe, if he saw me, it would lessen the chances of shit going wrong. I would have to try and keep things as calm as possible. Something that wasn’t often the case when it came to busts like these. None of these guys liked to go down without a fight. I could have gotten sick at just the thought.

“You know…” I didn’t even want to hear what Joe was going to say and cut him right off.

“It doesn’t change anything. We have a job to do. These guys have to be stopped.” I kept my voice firm as I spoke. I didn’t think that I would really be able to do it but I had no choice. I didn’t want him thinking that I was absolutely incapable either. A weak spot for the man wouldn’t look good.

“Right.” He didn’t sound convinced. That was the first time that I had ever heard him sound like that when it came to me. It made me more nervous but also more determined. No matter what my feelings were, no matter what I thought of Phillip, and no matter how much I wanted to protect him, I had a job to do. That overrode everything. This had to come first. It was one of the few times in my life that it was the case. I wasn’t going to lose my job over this. He wasn’t worth it. I repeated that mantra in my head a few times. Nor was it worth losing Joe.

We had back up called. We had seen three guys but it was unclear if there were any more. They were still a few minutes out when Joe made the call that we were heading in before they arrived. It didn’t feel right. Maybe that was just because I knew Phillip was in there. I pushed away the concern and the heavy feeling. Joe was sure about it so I had to be too. He moved the car down the street a little bit and we quickly geared up. Our vests went on and guns were loaded. We checked each other before he gave me a nod. There was no point in delaying it anymore. Our back up was probably another ten minutes out. I wished they were closer as we made our way to the door.

I squared up and refocused myself. It was important that I wasn’t distracted. Our lives were on the line. It wasn’t only Phillip in there. There were other guys that would gladly see us dead. One wrong move and one of us could end up shot. That wasn’t anything that I wanted to see. Joe made sure I was set before he opened the door.

It was quiet as we walked in. Two corners checked and there was no one around. My nerves were running high as we moved through the hallway. Shoulder to shoulder and side by side, we cleared room after room. It was a slow but steady pace. Missing anyone could cause a bullet to end up in our backs. We had to be thorough. We knew we were looking for at least three guys but at this point were expecting there to be a couple more. It kept us cautious. Still no one. It was almost like they had left. They couldn’t have though. We would have seen it. Their cars had been parked in our line of view from where we sat watching the building. They all had to be on the large production floor. Which would be a bitch for us. Bad guys, open space, potentially little cover. It all added up to a disadvantage for us. If it turned into a firefight, the odds weren’t in our favor.

“You ready?” Joe had his hand on the door. It wasn’t like there was another choice. I let out a slow breath, keeping my gun elevated and steady. I nodded.

“Let’s go.” He pulled open the door and we instantly moved forward. We caught two guys off guard. Neither of them were Phillip. That meant that he was around and could be watching us. It was a dangerous situation.

“On the ground!” Of course they didn’t respond and jumped for their weapons. Joe fired off two rounds and I quickly followed suit. They both went down. The others would be warned by our shots, knowing about our presence. The element of surprise was out the window. We quickly found ourselves cover for safety.

“Good?”

“Good.” Our back up was now less than five minutes away. We might be able to wait it out. That was the hope at least. Joe peeked around the corner of our cover.

“Backup should be here soon. Just gotta hold them off. Stay behind cover and make sure we don’t get flanked.” It was a basic plan but likely one that would keep us alive. I nodded and let out another slow breath. This was where the training kicked in. The rest of the world was shut out and focus was on following through on all shots while maintaining cover.

“Easy enough.” I peeked around my own corner. Nothing. That meant that we had a couple more moments before things got iffy. It sounded like a couple of men were rushing towards us though. It was tough to tell from just the echoes of feet against the ground but there might be more men than we could really hold off on our own until our backup arrived. Another peek around the corner told me that at least three guys were coming around to my side. Great. That was fantastic.

“Got three over here.”

“Two on my side.” There were only supposed to be two or three guys here. This had turned into seven. Five total were currently against us. With backup still a few minutes out, we had to figure out the best way to survive this.

Shots began to fire. Bullets whizzed over our heads. A couple of them landed on the metal that we were using as cover, thudding loudly. I paused for a minute, trying to time my movements. When it sounded like I had a break in the fire, I leaned out of my cover and shot off a few rounds of my own. I didn’t hear any screams or shouts as I tucked back in. The likelihood of me hitting anything was slim then. I cursed under my breath softly. Joe seemed to have some amount of luck. I reloaded and shifted in my feet just a bit.

Again, the motion had to be time. THis time the result was one of the guys going down. Joe had taken his two down.

The backup arrived. They were coming in from the other side of the building, behind the criminals. I could hear the door bust in and took that moment to stand up. I checked around the corner of our cover. The move was a mistake.

The pain radiated out from my abdomen. My gun dropped and my hands moved to my stomach. I could see Phillip’s shocked face and the gun dropping from his hands.

#jason and jeffrey bingo 2019 #my writing #my oc #Joe Merriweather #Phillip Kopus #crossover #Solace #The Red Road #Bingo challenge #Jason and Jeffrey summer bingo challenge

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