#I have a lot of thoughts on this topic that I cannot elaborate when I'm at the dentists office waiting for the dentist to come in

[akkawi]

Remember that American white military family that stole an Afghan child, straight up human trafficked the girl from Afghanistan under the guise of "adopting" her? And her family is like begging for her back but there's literally nothing they can do about it?

the fact that so many peoples first response to seeing all these palestinian children orphaned is not ‘wow we should really do something to ensure these children live in a world where they don’t have to fear waking up to a bomb being dropped on their parents heads’ and instead is ‘oh em gee how can i adopt these children whose culture i have 0 knowledge of whatsoever and bring them to my homeland thousands of miles away, thereby thrusting them into another deeply traumatizing situation’ is actually kind of wild to me.

please be so serious …. they don’t want you adopting their children. you guys do realize that arabs have a deep sense of family and community right… even with 0 family members left there are still so many people who will step in and make sure those children are looked after. those kids don’t need rescuing from their homeland, they need their homeland to be safe so they can have yknow, a chance at life. they don’t need new families, they need for their families to not be murdered in the dead of the night. why don’t we work on that instead and drop the savior mindset please????? to do nothing towards the cause of palestinian freedom but offer to adopt their children is nuts.

ps. it would benefit a lot of people to do basic research and realize that the process of adoption into a lot of western countries serves to completely erase the identity of the child and also is not in line with the principles / general process of adoption in islam (which is the religion of a fair majority of these kids). ‘offering’ to take them from all they know is disrespectful enough without the consideration that in doing so you would completely be overstepping multiple rules and processes of their religion and culture.

none of us want any more kids to die but ‘save the children’ doesn’t mean the solution is to let anna from florida have them. it means the solution is to make sure they have a future where apartment buildings don’t fall over their heads while they sleep.

[lie-lacdreams]

Thermodynamics and Turmoil (Curly x Reader pt. 1)

Hello! I'm putting out my very first piece ever and I'm so excited to feed the masses as much Mouthwashing content as they deserve :) This game has a lot of sensitive topics to it and as such I'll try my best to bring them up as appropriately as possible. The story is gonna start off slow and elaborative because I love all of the Tulpar crew so much (except for Jollof rice, Jimneva convention) and they all have such interesting personalities that I couldn't help but to explore their wants and aspirations. This story will feature an alternative ending to the game because I cannot stomach sad things they make me very sad </3

Next

engineer! reader x curly TW: a bad word or two, I think word count ~ 1.9K

Curly was back in the medical bay for his routine psychological evaluation with Anya. With all of the questions answered and out of the way, the both of them were just chatting before he had to go back to the cockpit and finish up his duties for the afternoon.

“You’re all good to go, Captain. Seems like there isn’t much change from your answers like last time, as usual.” Anya let out a tired sigh. 

“That should be a good thing, given we’ve already been on this trip for almost two months now. We should all be used to the routine around here at this point. Has everybody else been adjusting alright?” Curly stood up from his chair, Anya following suit as they moved towards the door. 

“For the most part, everyone’s been well but I wish they would open up or take the assessment seriously. I mean, at least Daisuke has been making my job a little easier – he just talks and talks.” she mused. Curly gave a little chuckle in response, thinking about the last-minute intern that the Pony Express decided to add on board to their journey. He wasn’t exactly the most helpful – at least according to Swansea – but he brought an air of lightheartedness that they all needed in a cut-corners, shitty working environment like the Tulpar. “Oh, actually, have you seen (Y/N) lately?”

Curly thought for a moment. Along with Daisuke, (Y/N) was another late addition to the crew. The Tulpar has started showing its age and as such, there were increasingly consistent problems with the water pipes, life support, and fuel usage. However, instead of giving the crew a new ship, they handed the responsibility of keeping the ship up and running to the passengers. After their previous trip, Swansea went straight to the higher-ups and ripped them a new one, stating that “he couldn’t be expected to perform miracles”. When the crew was assigned this trip, they were all surprised that corporate had listened to Swansea’s complaints and granted them with another engineer. (Y/N) was self-sufficient, only really needing to work with Swansea to consult him on how best to move forward and with Daisuke when Swansea needed a break from his overzealousness. As a result, Curly saw and knew very little about her. “No, I’m afraid I haven’t. Why?”

“She’s due for her check-in as well but I haven’t seen her these past two days to tell her that. Go figure. We share a room yet recently she’s been waking up earlier and sleeping later than I have. When I went to ask Swansea and Daisuke if they’d seen her, they said that they haven’t seen her at all today.” 

“Huh. She’ll show up eventually. This ship only has so many places a person can be. If I see her, I’ll let her know to go straight to you. Thanks, Anya.” He patted her shoulder lightly before heading out, making his way back to the cockpit to fulfill his duties. 

In the evening, the crew convened at the table for dinner. Curly always looked forward to this time of day, where everyone had finished all of their tasks and could open up with light hearted banter. With only the six of them on the ship for over a year, all they had were each other, and he cherished all of his crew members. Anya and Swansea were chatting to the left of him about Swansea’s kids back on Earth. To his right, he saw Jimmy get increasingly agitated as Daisuke tried convincing him to swap dinners with him. That’s when he spotted the empty chair across from him and realized that (Y/N) was still missing. 

No one was concerned by her absence; it was a common occurrence, and he trusted Daisuke and Swansea to be in the loop about what she was up to and would report to him if anything happened. During the work day, everyone was so consumed with their jobs and couldn’t afford to worry about the whereabouts of the others, unless they needed to lend a hand. Curly wasn’t an exception to this. As the captain it was his responsibility to make sure his crew members were okay and that things were moving along nicely, and so far there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary that indicated otherwise. With everyone finishing up their dinner, clean up began before people bid each other goodnight. 

In the middle of the night, he woke up parched. Debating whether or not to get a glass of water, he finally got out of bed and made his way to the lounge where the kitchen was. Leaving his room, he could hear a faint clacking noise grow slightly louder the closer he got to the lounge entrance. Opening the door to the lounge, he was finally met with the sixth crew member whom no one had seen all day. Sitting at the dining table, (Y/N) rested her feet on the seat of her chair and had her knees drawn up to her chest. All around her were books and loose papers scattered about. Her hair was messed up, likely a direct cause of the hand she kept on her head, fingernails digging into her scalp. Curly gently cleared his throat, trying to make her aware of his presence. Shooting a tired glance his way, her eyes widened a bit before immediately sitting up straight and tidying her hair. She looked guilty, like she was caught in the middle of doing something she wasn’t supposed to be doing. 

“Finally, we get to see her. Where have you been, Miss Absentee?” He sent a small smile her way, walking over to her.

“C-Captain! What are you doing up? It’s quite late.” (Y/N) nervously fidgeted.

“Just up for a glass of water. What are you doing up so late is the real question.” He crossed his arms. 

“Just doing a bit of work. Can’t get enough of it.” She joked dryly. Curly frowned and pulled the chair next to her to take a seat. She sighed and leaned back, finally relaxing from tensing up after seeing Curly enter the room. (Y/N) didn’t know her captain well, and as such she always tried her best to save face and remain professional with him, but at this hour of the night, she was too tired to keep up with decorum. 

He leaned on the table, facing her. “I know we may not be as close as you are with Swansea and Daisuke, or even Anya, but as your captain I care about how you’re doing and I want you to open up to me.” Her expression became hesitant as she shifted in her seat. “We’re all busy and even though it’s common for you to go missing during meal times, seeing you like this now is making me worried about how you’re doing.”

(Y/N) kept quiet for a second, looking like she was mulling something over before picking up the object right in front of her.  “Do you know what this is?” 

“An abacus. Interesting that you have one.” he said. 

“Yeah.” she sighed. She moved her gaze from Curly to the plastic Polle statue in the corner of the room. “Before I got on the Tulpar, they had given me all of the supplies I needed to fulfill my duties and do what they asked of me. I had met Swansea only briefly before so he could give me manuals and maps of the ship’s layout. I got the uniform, the steel-toed boots, notebooks, writing utensils, and a solar-powered calculator.” (Y/N) shook her head. “You’d think that would be enough to prepare me to be here, but no . If only there was a way to have a bit of sunlight in outer space in a ship with no windows. They gave me something so crucial but useless out here. I had brought the abacus on board with me for sentimental reasons, but ironically enough it’s the only thing here that allows me to do my job.” She glanced back at him. “I’m not sure if you were aware, but Pony Express lied and said this was an internship for graduate students. Little did I know I’d be thrown into something I wasn’t going to have much guidance in. I needed a break from my PhD and even though the pay wasn’t that great, I was desperate for some sort of escape from academia.  I thought going to space would give me that, but every day I wake up is a constant reminder that I’m so underqualified. Swansea is an expert with the mechanical side of the ship and he’s helped me a great deal, but the fluid mechanics and thermodynamics of it all are things he knows nothing about. So I’m here, trying my best to play catch-up and praying that I figure out a solution so that this ship has enough fuel, enough air to last us an entire year, and that the Tulpar doesn’t pop like a pressurized soda bottle while we’re out here.” 

“(Y/N)...” Curly’s voice died at her name, shocked at this revelation and disappointed he somehow didn’t know about her struggle sooner. “I had no idea what you were going through. You always seemed to have a grasp on your tasks and Swansea always praised the work you did, so I just assumed you weren’t having a hard time adjusting. Have you told any of this to Anya during your evaluations?”

“No… I really wanted to believe that I could do it and stick it out, and so far, thank God, I’ve just barely made it every time. I really wanted you and the rest of the crew to believe I was capable and worthy of being here.” He cautiously put a hand on her shoulder, testing the waters on how he should comfort her. 

“You are worthy of being here. The fact that we’ve been having such a smooth trip with no complications so far makes that obvious. I really appreciate you opening up to me now. I want to do everything I can to make sure you aren’t stressed about your work. You need to get rest and eat like the rest of us. Sure, none of us are a chemical engineering smarty pants like you, but you can always ask for help, even if it’s just for something like bringing you food or running errands around the ship.” He smiled at her, and she weakly reciprocated the gesture.

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time. Thank you, Curly.” Too tired to remember formalities, (Y/N) let out a big yawn, much to his amusement. 

“So are you gonna go to bed?” He asked. She threw her head back and groaned in defeat, murmuring a “yes”. “Good! I hope I get to see more of you around now that you’ll be asking for help, yes?”

“Yes, of course, Captain. I’ll see you tomorrow.” The both of them stood up, (Y/N) to head to her quarters and Curly to finally get his glass of water. Before completely leaving, she paused and turned back. “Oh, and Captain?” 

“Hmm?” He raised his head up to look at her again.

“I know you have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders looking after all of us. Please, rely on me too.” She smiled gently.

“Goodnight, (Y/N).” He called after her as she slipped through the door. He felt content that he was making good progress to gaining the trust of the crew member he knew the least. It always made him feel good to be the reliable captain he hoped everyone viewed him as. Having that conversation with (Y/N) made him a little more relaxed now that she had opened up to him for the first time.

[hyakinthou-naos]

So I’ve seen a lot of posts lately from other people on whether or not minors should be devotees and I’m curious your thoughts on that?

Khaire Anon,

Thank you for your question! This is a more serious and somewhat touchy topic in the community, so I am going to attempt to answer with grace and kindness.

Also, please also be aware that while these are the opinions of both myself and The Temple, neither is a religious authority and our word is not law.

With that being said, the short answer to this question is that - yes - I believe that minors can be devotees. So long as they understand what being a devotee means, and willingly consenting to said relationship.

(The following might seem like a silly analogy, but bare with me.)

When someone is a minor, they can consent to romantic relationships with others. These relationships are different than those of their adult counterparts, but they can still be validly classified as relationships/dating. However, minors cannot consent to engagement or marriage until both parties are of legal age.

I personally believe that religious experience and devotion/devotee-ship functions similarly.

When a minor is a devotee to a God/Deity - it may seem to the adults around them that they're not a "real" devotee (whatever that means). But just because it looks different than adult devotion, and just because there are limitations on the minors devotional practice does not make their experiences wrong or less legitimate within its own context.

There is some additional nuance to this subject that I will elaborate on below the fold.

Some Context:

I was raised Roman Catholic (my mother's family has been Roman Catholic for as long back as we can trace) and before I even knew how to speak I was attending mass. I didn't enjoy church as a child, but I was forced to go. I then became devoutly religious for a few years in my early teens before I symbolically left the faith. I say symbolically, because until I was 16 I was forced to attend mass as well as take Catholic Confirmation Classes.

So for the majority of my childhood and adolescence, I experienced what I call "Compulsory Worship" (aka Involuntary Worship).

With that being said - onto the nuance:

In the Hellenic Polytheist Community, as well as the Pagan Community at large, there seems to be the mindset (in some people, not all) that minors cannot consent to or have religious experiences.

I think that mindset is very dangerous, and swings to the opposite end of the spectrum from Compulsory Worship, into Religious Infantilization (aka Age Based Religious Infantilization).

If a person, be that they are a child - a teen - or an adult, wants to explore and experience religion then I believe they should be allowed to do so (as long as they are being safe, respectful, and kind).

When it comes to the topic of minors become devotees to a God/Deity - I think there is some grey area. I do subscribe to the common belief that minors cannot consent to the same things as adults - but that isn't to say that minors can't express and experience consent.

In my opinion, I believe that if a minor feels that they want to dedicate a part of their life to a specific God/Deity that they should be given the space to explore that type of relationship and commitment. However, I do not think that minors can consent to lifelong devotion and I do not think that minors can make oaths to The Divine.

At the end of the day, whether we agree with it or not, minors are going to engage with religious ideologies, concepts, and traditions. We can either help them and be a part of that process, or we can leave them to flounder on their own.

I think it is a much better use of our time to help these individuals explore these topics safely as opposed to shunning them or trying to control them without empathy.

But again, these are all just my thoughts and opinions, and I'm not the boss of anybody.

Thank you again for your question anon, exploring this topic through my answer was really enjoyable.

Eirene - peace and farewell,

- Aön

[princelylove]

Since a lot of recent requests have lacked manners, here’s how to submit a request to me, in steps. 

First step: Greet me. When you start a conversation with someone, do you just start talking? Maybe to a stranger on the street, but it’s not polite given the circumstances. You’re about to ask me to write something for you, why do you feel so comfortable not saying hello? Use basic manners. Show me the respect I deserve. Your request does not have to be perfect, but put some effort in.

I prefer to be addressed by “Prince” or “Your Highness.” You may use other titles, but you must keep it appropriate to my rank. Nothing lower than a prince’s, or I will lightly flick your wrist, or send you to the dungeon for a few days.

I can forgive mistakes in addressing me only if the effort is evidently there. Sometimes I am wrongfully addressed as ‘Your Grace,’ but I do not mind it because the respect is obviously there and they’re trying. An attempt is an attempt. I’ve answered requests with the wrong title before, and will likely do so again if other requirements are met. That does not mean that I prefer it, but I don’t exactly take it as malicious intent. 

Second step: Talk to me. This can be praise for my works, an off topic comment, or any thoughts you’d like to share.

I may be a stranger on the internet, but I write your porn for free, and don't exactly think I'm asking for much at all. Show some respect and do something for me. I like to be spoken to, even if it isn’t stroking my ego. Why would I open a blog that takes requests if I didn’t want to talk to people about my works? I could be somewhere else, or turn my inbox off entirely and only write what I want. 

I do not know why you would request something from me if my demeanor isn’t appealing to you, but I cannot and will not force you, you do not have to stroke my ego for me to answer your request. You just need to use your manners and at least speak to me a little. You can talk to me about your request.

An example of this is this anon's request, where they asked a question and elaborated, and were polite about it. I like it when anons elaborate like this anon did, you do not HAVE to speak about me when you send a request.

If you would like to play into my worship kink, spend some time talking about my works or my demeanor. Be specific, consistent, and try not to throw darts at a thesaurus. Perhaps this topic deserves a separate post, which I will make if someone requests it.

Third step: Say your request. 

Include a “Please” and “Thank you.” You are asking me for a favor. I do not have to respond to it, acknowledge it, or even read it in the first place. Be polite about it. “May I please request —” and “Could you please tell me your opinion of —” are fine ways to start whatever you’re about to talk to me about. “Please” and “Thank you” are very, very basic manners. I know I do not have to teach my peons how to speak when the majority of you are older than I am and very much so should know that.

I do not mind when anons prattle on in my inbox, but try to keep it within control. I cannot write for you what you have already written, but if you’re aiming for something specific, it’s better to tell me some details.

You can also ask a small question, like this anon. As long as you're polite, I don't mind the lack of a big message attached, but I do not want the majority of my inbox’s messages to be so small. Try to elaborate at least a little bit.

Fourth step: Send it in and wait. Sometimes I will let your request sit in my inbox for a while, as in up to or over a month, but if it's up to code, I'll get to it. If you're worried I deleted it, send another in and ask if it broke any rules of mine.

You cannot rush me. This is MY laptop, I'm not doing something on my laptop that I do not want to do. Checking if it's okay is fine, I will either post the original soon and delete the "Is it ok?" message or respond to the is it ok message if the original is taking some time.

I'm probably going to go through my inbox today and weed out the ones I don't want to give attention to. If you sent an ask that you think doesn't fit what I've just stated, or otherwise broke my rules, try again. I've got some older requests that are fine but I've just yet to get to, it is not personal. I tend to either answer an ask immediately or I'll take a month and a half.

If anything is confusing, send an ask for clarification.

[malleleothreesome]

Idk if you’re taking requests but I’ve had this angst idea for some time now

You and Leona are dating, you’re friends with malleus but you don’t hang out with him often because you don’t want to conflicts.

You start to notice becoming more distant and sometimes he even become a little cold towards you, even in bed, but what confuses you the most is that randomly he would be all lovely dovey while being intimate. One day he confesses to you that he has been unfaithful and that he is getting married to a girl (a lioness), a future queen, that needs a king (because a female taking that place is not seen appropriate) and he tells you that this is what he has been waiting for, but he loves you and he will take you with him once he becomes king. To please wait for him to become someone better for you.

But you don’t like that, you want to be his one and only and you don’t want to share. Plus you don’t think it’s fair to the other girl. So you break up. You start getting closer to malleus and a good friendship develops. One day you see Leona walking on campus with the girl, and malleus feels so bad for you.

Fast forward you marry malleus and you are now the queen of briar. But for some reason there’s a gathering/meeting of all kingdoms. And after so many years you see Leona again.

You can end it however you want 🥺

HELLO ARI I know that this is the first time we are speaking but I already feel like I can ALL CAPS SPEAK AT YOU EXCITEDLY.

First off, apologies for taking so long to answer this incredible ask. I kept telling myself I would answer it as soon as I finished my blindfolded Malleus fic, but it ended up taking me way longer than I anticipated to finish that lengthy endeavor.

Second off, I saw this message at like 1 something AM Thursday night last week and I was SO EXHILARATED that it ruined my sleep (no regrets).

Like, this message was TRULY ENLIGHTENING and I am still giddy right now as I type this becAUSE I FEEL LIKE WE HAVE THE SAME DAMN IDEA!?!?!? Like ESPECIALLY the paragraph about Leona and the Lioness crown Princess—I ALREADY have an OC for that role that I use in my daydreams when I'm feeling extra angsty.

The best part is, your idea is more elaborate and complete than my initial idea. If this were a business, I'd hire you as a c-suite level employee. I am beyond grateful for this ask—thank you so much for taking the time to send me such an elaborate request! Ever since 1989 TV came out, I have been obsessed with Is It Over Now? and I've been HAUNTED by MalleLeo angst thoughts every time I listen to it.

And, I just feel like, SO CONFIDENT and SECURE in this idea now thanks to your ask. I am BUZZING with excitement to write this. This is probably going to be like, THE angst fic of my fanfic career. Since these two are my faves I just have tons of gut-wrenching angst ideas swirling around my head, especially around this Leona marriage topic.

Just a warning though, this is gonna be sooooo0o0o0o long. Like I can't help but be detailed with my writing and there are a LOT of points I want to expand upon in this type of past/future LOVE TRIANGLE (ugh I'm SCREAMING with EXCITEMENT AT THIS). So this is probably going to be a long, multi-chapter project that spans many months.

In terms of ending, uhhhhh........... I'm probably gonna do a 'choose your own adventure style' where I write separate happy endings for both Leona and Malleus. Reader can choose who they want because, as tumblr user malleleothreesome, I CERTAINLY CANNOT CHOOSE.

THANK YOU ILY ARI I BOW TO YOU 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️💖💖💖

[meirimerens]

7 and 8 for the ask meme.... If. they have not been asked yet.....

[booming voice] welcome to my dark twisted mind

7. any ideas for how farkhad’s earlier projects could have looked like?

i think his previous body of work had a focus on architecture, on sculpture, and on paper¹ (gesture) Stuff, with quite a lot of works focusing on the physicality of paper (which feeds back into sculpture), including a lot of embossing. i know he's fond of the multi-tons printing presses, and to see how dry and wet paper react to being laid upon a printing matrix and then put through the crushing printing process (this is what he did to the twins. in a way. multiple tons of pressure and now the matrixes of them are embossed of his shape... i'm getting off-topic). architecture-wise, since his cathedral as a deep Gothic flair, i think he not only studied religious architecture (Gothic as in European 12th -16th century style) but implemented it, or parts of it, in his #designs: religious edifices are possibly historically The poster buildings for something "imbued with a soul": the soul of god and of faith itself... he used some of that. i think he knows of the history of Gothic edifices as deeply colorful, so i think he also worked and played with colors, but mostly as light(s)... kinda like. Marinella Pirelli's colorful cubes, but it was the 1910s (or the 1900s, or the 1890s, or the 1880s, of the 1700s. etc). this is how the Cathedral ended up with her deep red windows (i do not think they are simply stained glass. but something freakier. smirk emoji [cannot elaborate]). of sculpture, he began with a focus on the human body (classically trained), then the human body in relation to buildings (made basically mannequins to gauge size of his structures), then it got weirder. i think he could work with something like Louise Bourgeois' "Maman", but instead of a figurative spider, it is built shaped and experienced like a building. you just have to see it.

¹ i have this because of peter's line in the haruspex route "yeah, you're that salesman who used to sell me excellent drawing paper… You used to cut it wrong though… You started from the wrong end. I thought you were dead though? My brother killed you…" farkhad has never been a salesman. but he did have excellent drawing paper. in my mind's eye multiple characters/people have melted into a single, vaguer memory in peter's head, and the memory he has of farkhad permeates multiple instances of people he killed, got killed, didn't touch,... many such cases

8. what does the key with no lock mean to peter and andrey?

i ♥ key with no lock i ♥ thinking about key with no lock and i ♥ that i don't have any definitive answer, maybe because i don't want one, and maybe even because i don't think the twins have one. i think it is their metaphorical tell-tale heart. they know it's here. they know why it got here (a murder) (it is linked to farkhad). but they don't know how it got here. i don't think they know why a key. but they know they have to keep it. they know they have to keep it and, in the spirit of Buildings being the bond that unites all three of them (peter, andrey, farkhad), it is a key, that might unlock a Building, that binds them beyond death. it is in peter's care, unless he dies: i think it is a representation of a guilt made tangible. made prehensible. made so every lock appear like it could be the one, every door every drawer could blow the lid right off. keeping the key means you keep the secret, and the secret-keeping place or thing closed; but that means there is a lock. or is there? this makes the threat even more heady. haunting. it is guilt made tangible. when peter, he who was bearing most of it alive, dies, the guilt made tangible gets into andrey's hands, who before that lived better with it, because he's killed more, and is more used to killing. they will spend their lives wondering what the key opens, and if it opens anything, they better keep it close to themselves. the key "reflects light at odd angles" in the same was the heart beats under the floorboard: the body was dismembered to be stuffed under the boards, so it shouldn't do that. but it does.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR QUASTION 🫂

question me once more

[aviiarie]

YAP SESSION AHEAD. INCOMING. FULL SPEED. be WARNED....

furina's wife anon lore reveal because something literally life changing happened yesterday and i need need NEED TO TELL SOMEONE ARRGRGH!!!! ALSO ALSO SORRY I DON'T MEAN THIS TO BE VENTING AT ALL!!! JUST STORYTIME. FOR THINE ENJOYMENT. Because I do believe I can be amusing sometimes maybe I Don't Know

Imagine, if you will. 1st grade. Small quiet kid with very much undiagnosed autism. Meets the pretty popular girl who is super extroverted and talks a lot to everyone and has a lot of friends and is the most stunning person in class and perhaps the most stunning person to ever person ever.

(at least in small quiet kid's eyes)

Best of friends. WHOOO WOULD'VE THOUGHT??? My first and only real friend ever AND best friend ever and. Because the gays can never have nice things. My first crush. Whoa. (But also I was like 7 and didn't know what being gay was so I ooobviously could only be foreseeing only futures for myself where we were married in a platonic way! Speaking of actually. I feel like everybody knew I was autistic before I was and targeted specifically me but WHATEVER so the mean girls in kindergarten a year earlier thought I was doing naughty naughty stuff. As a 5 year old. When I was practicing KUNG FU???? And after I tried to explain, called me gay and refused to elaborate on what that meant when I asked????)

It got to the point where physical affection was very common y'know!! Like. Hugs. Cuddles, even. I remember it happened once in 2nd and the teacher told us we had to cut it out which STILL MAKES ME LAUGH but anyway. WAIT ACTUALLY before we move on from 2nd grade there's ONE THING THAT. OOOHH MY GOD. So Crush. Liked a boy. Of course. The popular athlete. Conventionally attractive. Of course. And the three of us sat in a circle one day. The topic somehow came to race. They both said "I'm white!" and me, a naive child with a white father and absent asian mother, replied "I'm white too!" since I hadn't seen my mom since 15 months old—and GOD forbid Father teach me anything about my culture. ANYWAY. BLAH BLAH BLAH. TELL ME WHY THIS BOY FULLY TURNS TO ME. LOOKS ME UP AND DOWN. AND SAYS, "No. You're brown." SORRY THAT'S KINDA OFF TOPIC BUT I'M BAFFLED EVERY TIME I REMEMBER THAT AND I THINK IT IS SOMEWHAT COMICAL. There's so much bullshit that kids said to me as literally the only asian kid in the school but THOSE ARE STORIES FOR OTHER NIGHTS.

ANYWHO! FAST FORWARD! 3RD GRADE! Here's where it gets WICKED. So. Girl in class. Also quiet artsy kid. Somehow starts talking to Crush. And they start hanging out more. Do note, small quiet autistic child has unresolved abandonment issues due to said mother leaving. And is also very much undiagnosed. And not having friends. In the slightest. So. I see other kid as Public Enemy #1, and take Crush's casual friend-making as "oh my god she hates me and she's leaving me oh my god she hates me oh my god"

So I became possessive over her. I don't remember quite exactly what I did, but I recall having an "argument" about it right at the end of third grade. It's honestly quite embarrassing to admit now how much I didn't want her to leave. But guess what happened when fourth started? I skipped through the gates, expecting fully and immediately to see radiant blond belting off rays of sunshine directly into my eyes.

No! That did not happen! The gays cannot be happy! Guess who moved schools!

It wasn't like she didn't warn me, either. She did. Many times during the months prior. I just wasn't ready to process it until I was eye-to-eye with a searing light instead of hers.

That was the seed of my depression. It all started from there. I was going through hell and hell was determined to force other people into it through me, too. I do feel like the anger and irritability part of depression is severely overlooked. I was mad at myself and everyone except her until it festered a little and theeen I became mad at her.

A few years ago I would've looked back and seen a jealous, controlling antagonist who cared only for herself and halting her insecurities and held no regard for other people's feelings. But when I look back now, I see a child navigating complex emotions for the first time and doing what she could with what she was given.

BLALALALA SERIOUS TIME OVER. So I was halfway through fourth when covid did its covid thing!! Very angsty child becomes locked up in house oh no!!!! POINT IS. I spent 6 years absolutely TORN TF UP over my "first lesbian breakup" BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK THAT WAS DEVASTATING?????? MY FIRST REAL FRIEND EVER. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE US??????? WE WERE SUPPOSED TO LIVE TOGETHER WITH OUR CATS AND HAVE WEDDING PICTURES SPLAYED OVER THE HALLWAY?¿??????????

To be fair, I did think I was over it!!! Like. When I say I thought of her every single day for 3 years straight I am not exaggerating in the slightest. It was BAD. Little kid was DOWN BAD. Buut then I grew up a little and stopped thinking about her as much and I was like "wow so I'm finally free!"

May 20somethingeth of this year. Prozac. DOOO YOU KNOW WHAT A COMMON SIDE EFFECT OF PROZAC IS .... vivid dreams. I thought, "oh wow it can't possibly be that bad lol what would I even have dreams about!!!!"

For the past month. I would wake with tears in my eyes after VERY MUCH HAVING A DREAM ABOUT HER. AFTER 6 YEARS????? AND NOT THINKING ABOUT HER THAT MUCH SINCE. A FEW YEARS AGO????????? anywho! So it got me thinking about her a lot recently (against my will!) and it culminated into YESTERDAY.

Yesterday. I was listening to "once more to see you" by mitski because of course I was listening to "once more to see you" by mitski and it did indeed come after "good luck babe" and "casual" BECAUSE OF COURSE IT CAME AFTER. So I found myself getting a little emo and depresspress. And I don't even know how we got from point A to point B but I dusted off my crusty old Instagram for the first time in ever and typed in Crush's name.

DO YOU KNOW WHO POPS UP. 6 YEARS. 6 YEARS. AND I FIND A PRIVATE ACCOUNT UNDER CRUSH'S NAME. WHO'S IN THE PROFILE PICTURE????? Long blond hair. The angle was set at 0.5x but to me it looked like she'd never changed at all.

One of my old friends from the area was following her too so I was like. Yeah. Yeah that's her. Buuut just to make sure because I'm a sigma or whatever I texted her like. "Is that her?" But in a very convoluted way because I'm me and I'm different!! (I just added very specific details that. Would only pertain to Crush) AND OLD FRIEND SAYS YES. I START FREAKING THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE. 6 YEARS. I HAVE BEEN LOSING MY MIND FOR 6 YEARS. 6 YEARS OF ANGUISH AND PUNISHING MYSELF BECAUSE I THOUGHT I SINGLEHANDEDLY FUCKED UP THE ONLY REAL FRIENDSHIP I'D EVER HAVE BECAUSE I WAS JUST THE WORST HUMAN TO EVER HUMAN EVER. Hehe anyway! OLD FRIEND SAYS THAT CRUSH IS ADDING ME ON SNAP. I START SHAKING. QUIVERING. TREMBLING IN MY BOOTS. MY SHIVERS WERE TIMBERED.

So. A few things happened on snap. IT'S ALMOST OVER I SWEAR THANK YOU FOR STICKING WITH ME 🙏🙏🙏 SO. First thing that should've maybe put me off a little. Crush says "how do I know you?" Which. Okay. I aaaam genderfluid and go by a different name than I used to BUT with the other stuff that transpired It's Heavily Suspicious. So I type our elementary school name because I DON'T WILLINGLY SAY MY DEADNAME 🤬🤬🤬🤬 DUH 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 anyway. AND SHE SAYS "ohhh i think i know where this is going" LMAO and i say "YEAH...." and give a lil description of me and she's like yup that's you. Definitely.

(little side note. When I told her she LITERALLY SAID "my mom totally called it lmao" AS IN HER MOM CALLED ME BEING A GENDER SWITCHER??? GIRL.)

I wonder how much aura I lost from this conversation actually. Here's how it went.

Crush: how do you still remember all of that?

Me (sigma chad): i could never forget

Crush: what

THAT'S GENUINELY . WHAT HAPPENED. THAT'S WHAT I SAID. AND THAT WAS HER RESPONSE. that should've been STRIKE NUMBER TWO. SO THEN. I'M JUST LIKE. "there's so much I want to tell you y'know, first I want to apologize" AND SHE SAYS "apologize for what?" OR SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES.

Let me sum this up. I spent 6 years in Lesbian Limbo because kiddo me fucked up a little. I find Crush to get closure. SHE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER MOST OF WHAT HAPPENED????? 6 YEARS. I CANNOT GET OVER THIS. 6 YEARS I SPENT. AND SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER MOST OF IT.

So now here we are. It is a little freeing to know that she didn't think of it the way I did, but I can't help but be a little upset that all of that time was wasted over something. That. UGH. THIS KEEPS HAPPENING I SWEAR I'M CURSED. I KEEP GIVING PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT ME ALL OF MY TIME AND ALL OF MY MIND AND ALL OF MY HEART AND AAAARRRGRHRHRRGGHHH

But it's okay because now. After the lesbiban falling for straight bestie arc. And heartbreak arc. And depresspress arc. I AM GOING TO HAVE MY MOVING ON ARC!!!!! LIVING A HAPPY LIFE ARC!!!!!!!!! YES!!!¡!!!!!!!! (I'm still processing but I think we're getting there :])

Tea Time Over! Thank You For Listening! If this is scattered umm GELP PLEASE SPARE ME I have triple A supreme whammy package combo of amnesia autism adhd (we are Twinning!) I HOPE YOU ARE DOING WELL. And that this wasn't too much of a pain to read holy shit

SIGNED!!! FURINA'S WIFE!!!! WITH LOVE!!!!!! FURINA'S WIFE OUT!!!!!!

ANON. HELLO. HI. GOOD EVENING.

this ask was a wild ride from start to finish HAHAHAHA okay, okay. for starters, i can understand where kid-you was coming from. i mean, that kind of jealous 'no one can be friends with them but me!' attitude is one that some kids just go through when they're dealing with hard emotions for the first time, and learning how to think about others and take their feelings into consideration. it's not good, but i think the way you responded to it is pretty normal for your age. it's good that you can look back on it and see how you've matured since then, and see how much better you can handle your own emotions now. that shows growth!

(side note, but i know what you mean?? with the whole having a puppy crush on your best friend because she's so perfect and amazing and fun to be around... little me was making heart eyes at my friends before i even knew what the word gay meant AHAHA... though, i do think at least half of my crushes were closer to friend-crushes because i was a baby aro-spec(??) and didn't know how to tell friendship from romantic love--but i digress!)

ALSO THE STORY ABOUT THE 'i'm white!' IS WILD?????? kids are so out of pocket sometimes oml

but okay moving on HELLO??????? the vivid dreams.... and FINDING HER ON INSTA????? okay, okay. that is... wow. there are some childhood friends i have that i am so curious about what they're up to now, but i never had the courage to search their names.

(side note 2, HER MUM CALLING IT ON YOU BEING GENDERFLUID IS SO FUNNY HAHAHAHA)

the conversation though..... i got second hand embarrassment IM SORRY. but augh. six years, and then nothing. that is even more painful than the childhood friend i reunited with, spoke one sentence to, and then never talked to again. to be clear we were CLOSE. best friends. and now we see each other every so often, we just.... dont talk. and younger me would be crying if they knew that.

i know it must hurt a lot knowing she doesn't remember you, but in the end, it's good that you could some closure, as bittersweet as it may be. i hope you can move on from it now, because letting someone consume that much of your life isn't healthy. there are people who will be there for you with the same time and energy you're there for them! but putting all of yourself into another person, letting your life revolve around them is not!!! good!!!!!

i mean, i think a life-altering, emotionally damaging, unrequited crush on their best friend is like. a lesbian canon event, but you can move forward! in time, this will be just an experience you look back on with nostalgia, rather than pain.

AAAHHHH this was. a lot. i'm wishing you luck in the moving on arc, and hoping you move into the LIVING A HAPPY LIFE arc very soon!

[dakotadawn]

Hello! My name is Dakota Dawn, here's some info about me!

About me:

🌸 I am a transwoman, if that fact alone makes you uncomfortable then do not follow or interact.

🌸 I consider myself gay, same-sex attracted, I consider sexual orientation to be based upon sex and not gender identity. Don't like, don't follow.

🌸 I am autistic (diagnosed).

🌸 I consider myself a radfem/radfem ally. Don't like, don't follow.

🌸 As of 8/16/2022, this post has been amended to include a link to me and @truffette's Discord server! Join if you want to debate controversial LGBT+ topics, or just hang out! (Do not join if you are not LGBT)

My beliefs:

I'm new to much of this so my beliefs may be lacking or poorly formed. I am anti-porn, anti-sex work, kink-critical, anti-BDSM, if you don't like these beliefs, then don't follow me. I believe that sex positivity and sexual liberation is, intentionally or no, a men's rights movement. I believe that liberal feminism can hardly be described as feminism.

Some would say my beliefs align gender-critical, although I do not identify myself that way. I believe that sex-based oppression exists and that I do not experience it, but that as a transsexual I experience oppression and hardships that other males do not face. I believe that societal transphobia, as well as homophobia, originate in patriarchy and misogyny, feel free to inquire further and I will elaborate on this belief.

My understanding of transsexuality as a phenomenon is that, well, I don't think we really know *why* it happens, but my understanding is that, for some of us, dysphoria about your sexed body exists independently of gender roles or stereotypes. I've seen some unremarkably masculine males become transwomen and some unremarkably feminine females become transmen, so they didn't transition to avoid being GNC. For a fact I consider myself androgynous in a lot of ways, and transitioning truly is just out of discomfort with my body being male. Where this dysphoria originated, I do not know. Maybe some crossed wires in the brain? I'm not one to buy into the whole "male brain/female brain" thing because I don't believe in innate gender, but sex dysphoria could potentially be the result of some neurodevelopmental errors in body perception. IDK, just a thought.

I am a trans person myself as I have previously mentioned, I support the bodily autonomy of trans people to pursue hormone therapy and surgeries, but I am critical of transgender activist ideology. I believe we trans people deserve respect and dignity, but that it cannot come at the cost of others. Transsexual males (transwomen) should not refer to themselves as lesbians, and transsexual females (transmen) should not refer to themselves as gay men, validation of these identities has given rise to new-age homophobia. If you're a heterosexual trans person that identifies as gay, you may still interact with my posts, just be forewarned that these are my beliefs.

I will refer to someone with whatever pronouns they like (although I have a tendency to misgender misogynistic males sooo I make no promises 🤷‍♀️) but I frankly do not believe in the concept of gender identity. I am sex dysphoric, but I do not believe I "identify as a woman", as I do not believe womanhood is a feeling. When it comes to material class analysis, internal identity must take a backseat. I do, however, believe that materially transitioning puts you in a new position in society and this must be acknowledged. I believe acknowledging trans peoples' positions in society must also be with regards to material social status, and not to unfalsifiable internal identity. Basically, I assume these beliefs will piss gendies off.

Feel free to inquire further about my beliefs. Another post explaining some of my beliefs can be found here!

[ley-med]

Hello! As a med student do you have any advice on how to deal with the sensation of shame/failure/overthinking when for example a senior asks a question and you answer and he tells you it's wrong in front on everyone (although the answer is partially right in a way but wasn't what he expected). As a very perfectionist person, I feel bad, ashamed, humiliated and imagine that they think i'm stupid (although I have top grades during exams). How to deal with excessive perfectionism and failure ?

Hey there! It's a tough question, and I will try my best to give you some sort of insight, but please note: while I have excessive experience overcoming failures, I have literally zero experience when it comes to being a perfectionist. Unfortunately, I usually pretty much settle on "eh, that's good enough for me"... Sorry in advance, the whole post will be about my experiences, simply because I cannot give advice any other way. And it's going to be long and rambling, probably.

What really helped me as a med student, and even now as a resident, the knowledge that I'm actively learning this stuff, and I'm there to learn this stuff, not to already know the answers. And my seniors will always be able to ask questions that I don't know the answer to. And that's fine, because that's how I learn. Plus you can always follow up with asking them to elaborate, why your answer was wrong/not what they wanted to hear.

That being said, I loathe these Q&A sessions, I never get anything right. Even if I know the answer, I manage to mess it up, usually. And in the beginning, it messed up my self confidence, and it became a circulus vitiosus where I got less and less answers right and I became even less confident and etc... Until one point I got the very well deserved criticism, that even if I know the answer no one will believe me, because I'm always phrasing it questioning myself. And that was the point where I changed my approach.

Now I utter the most ridiculously wrong answers with such confidence, that the examiner/tutor/whoever is asking, will have to stop and think if it's wrong at all. My new technique: crash full speed and burn, then say 'at least I tried'. And since it's a conscious decision, I don't feel stupid at all. And while not everyone appreciates it, my supervisor absolutely does, and he even told me he admires my commitment to stand by my ridiculous guesses. Anyway, back on topic.

There are some lectures/tutors who love to make you feel stupid and shame you in front of others. Remember, that doesn't say anything about you, but a whole lot about them. They are assholes.

The rest of them, they don't think you are stupid, they don't have an opinion on you at all. They don't care. They ask the question as a mean to teach you something, then move on. They teach too many students to think about you in particular. (I know, way to make someone feel small, but it's true. I've been in the role of the teacher. I don't remember any of my students, I never thought of them as stupid, and loved them all for paying attention). And even if they did think you are stupid, who cares? You won't see them ever again, their opinion is just that, an opinion that doesn't affect you.

And about your peers... No one thinks you are stupid when you don't know the answer. Just think about it. When someone else is being grilled by the teacher, do you think "oh god how can they be so stupid" or do you emphasize with how awful they might feel, and cheer for them in your head? (If the first... Try to be more sympathetic. You know how bad it feels to be questioned.) You med students, as in a group, are all in this together. They don't judge you, they are there to support you.

And remember. You get good grades on your exams. (You lucky one) And even if you didn't... Still doesn't mean you're stupid, or that anyone else would think so. You are there, you are getting trough med school, you are going to be a doctor. It takes a lot, and it will make you question yourself periodically, and if you think you know it all, you are doing it wrong, but you are not stupid. But feeling so is the most natural order of med life...

With all that being said, I honestly don't know how to overcome these feelings. Sorry. My ultimate advice, when you really feel down: see a therapist. (I just started doing so, and it's been one of the greatest decisions of my life)

If anyone else has any advice for anon, please add, because I just keep rambling

[ethaninthewilde]

SO I have now watched the first 2 eps 4 times, and on the 4th time I was taking notes on my thoughts so I present to you: ethan's PJO brainrot (warning: there's a lot)

EPISODE ONE

- Percy is given the sword early. I don't love this change but ok, not a big deal

- I love the rep of Nancy's subtle bullying. so much bullying shown in tv is the classic shoving against lockers, give me your lunch money, beating up the weird kid, etc., but it is not all that. the much more subtle emotional bullying is just as harmful. especially the "Percy's special" which was used against me so many times in school. struck a chord. love to see acknowledgement of hat type of bullying on screen.

- "no, no, if there's one thing I know about bullies it's that you never, ever want to stand up to them" Grover uhhhh idek where to start with that 

- the Mrs dodds scene seemed pretty anticlimactic?? in the books it felt much more bigger, like much more of a turning point for Percy, but in this it just was like, ok, that happened, next 

- not only that but Percy was much more open to Sally about what had happened with Mrs dodds. he didn't give her the specifics, ofc, but it was still much more than book Percy telling Sally nothing had happened and he was fine bc he didn't want to worry her. 

- it didn't change anything in the narrative, but it was an interesting choice by the directors to change it 

- when Percy's passed out on the floor after he kills Alecto there's this one kid that just goes "is he dead?" and idk I just found that funny

- ok I understand why he did it but damnn Grover a snitchhh I would've been so mad 

- eddie in the books is one of gabe's poker buddies but in the show he appears as a plumber? that change confused me a little bit. in the book Percy gets home to Eddie and gabe and another friend (forgotten his name) playing poker and gabe is asking for whatever money he has and Eddie goes "he just got home. go easy on the kid". now with this change I'm wondering when Percy goes to see the oracle, who will deliver the prophecy lines? it's supposed to be all 4 of gabe's poker buddies who say one line each but now??? I guess we'll see

- also on the topic of gabe--if he's not employed, will we get the "I'm sure he will want to reward everyone in this wonderful city free appliances from his store, here's the number" scene? or maybe he will get a job halfway through the season or something? idk

- I wonder if they will elaborate on gabe's character before the end of the season where he gets turned into stone or if that's all we really see of him. I really hope they portray the extent of gabe's abuse, because it was really important to both Sally and Percy's characters, and also young kids watching this show for the first time need to know that this type of abuse is not okay. 

- ok moving on from gabe now

- the choice to play Olivia Rodrigo in the first scene we get of Sally? top tier. I don't think Sally would listen to Olivia but as backing music it works.

- I feel like Sally's character in the show is more tough than anything. In the book she is characterised by her kindness, her devotion to Percy. you do see her devotion and kindness but in the book she is more silently strong than outwardly. I have mixed feelings about this, but she delivers anyway. 

- "you fell in love with God? like--like, like Jesus?" had me CACKLING 

- Percy's conviction that "there's something wrong with my brain" as a young kid with learning disabilities got me. I cannot elaborate on this right now but it hit as someone who used to be absolutely convinced of the same 

- really wanted to see Percy call Grover a donkey, but alas, I shall live

- love that they kept the minotaurs underpants joke 

- in the midst of the car crashing and them being chased etc., Percy's like "what's  ahead of me?" and Grover just goes "I'm actually 24" like bestie hon you cannot just slip that in casually your best friend is already losing it

- Sally making he Minotaur get hit by a truck was INSANE. I love her so much. badass 

- no no no no "you're gonna need to be brave now. remember what I taught you. remember the stories ... Perseus! listen to me. you are not broken. You are singular. You are a miracle. and you are my son. hold fast. brave the storm. I love you." LITERALLY HAD ME IN TEARS IN TEARS 

- "you are not broken" 

- ANNABETH ANNABETH ANNABETH ANNABETH ANNABETH 

- HE MUST BE THE ONE 

- the credits are so pretty I want prints 

- love that we get post credit teasers like cable 

EPISODE TWO

- annabeth standing over Percy's bed in the infirmary in the first scene of Ep 2!!! that's our GIRL

- "where am I?" "you drool when you sleep" SCREAMING 

- Percy's first question being about his mum : 0

- "your job was to get me here alive. so your job is done." Grover honey I'm so sorry you did your best and we love you

- "it was so important bc of my father. so I'm gonna go find him" yeah that's actually not at all how it works sorry good luck tho

- MR D IS PERFECT 

- "PETER JOHNSON IS HERE"

- "yeah, I heard him the first time" "but did you???" OBSESSED 

- "excuse me, your highness" LMAOOOO just thinking about Percy looking back on this in five years and just hating himself for it 

- "actually, I think I can ... Son" "dad???" "yes, Peter" I love him, fav 

- just this entire scene was amazing 

- I wanna make a map of camp 

- THE OWLS IN THE TREES

- "check ur pocket" "no, I-" "check. ur pocket"

- the cabins look so cool

- THE BLUE JELLYBEANS. ITS GONNA BE OKAY PERCY BABY

- nah bc how am I supposed to hate Luke when he looks like THAT and acts like THAT. he's so kind to Percy and it's like he's genuinely wants to help and feels bad for Percy. ugh he deserved so much better

- also Percy looks so SMALL next to Luke. a literal child

- background grover lore?? is that his mother?? 

- "I assume they'd get really squishy like- like an old banana maybe?" Grover so silly so goofy love <3

- "but you haven't told him anything?" "no, and no one is gonna tell him anything" I feel like this is the scene where you can see that mr D really is a god. there's power in his voice and his eyes. the room LISTENS to him.

- gods I still cannot believe I'm actually getting to watch this show after literally so many years of being with Percy 

- Luke I'm in love with you

- "spend too much time trying to figure out why the gods do what they do, and you'll drive yourself crazy" we're so early in and already Luke's character is LAYERED in foreshadowing I love it 

- Luke's speech about glory!! I love that we're really getting into his character and his thought patterns 

- I would let Clarisse shove me into the ground any time ngl

- this convo between Luke and Percy makes it so easy to see how Percy could have gone down Luke's path. you can see his anger. his spite. his pride. if he had been left unclaimed, he very much could have followed Luke. this is where their paths split. this is how Luke's narrative started. 

- WHEELCHAIR USER REP. upset that they left out grover's crutches but at least we got this

- BECKENDORF?? THAT YOU???? 

- run Percy run get outta there u did nothing 

- Chris Rodriguez my child 

- "they like the smell of begging" well he's not wrong 

- Luke I'm in love with you 

- Percy burning his Jellybeans had me shaking 

- "I'm gonna make him come down here. I'm gonna make him see me. I'm gonna make him see both of us" CHILLS. see above 

- ANNABETH AND PERCYS INTERACTIONS ARE EVERYTHING I COULDVE ASKED FOR 

- "I can explain" "no you can't" "I know you" "no, you don't" "you were there that night" "yes" "are you stalking me?" "yes" I love her so much 

- artemis statue? Athena? 

- "whose side are you on?" "oh, hers, always" ARE YOU THO? ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? but also, correct answer 

- SO glad they went the little sister path instead of the weird crush thing in the books. so glad 

- I feel like Luke has a much more major mentor role in this than he does in the books. he takes quite a bit of what Grover and Annabeth were doing in the books. I do really like it though, as I think it will really work to drive his betrayal home much more when it happens. I also appreciate being able to see more of his character, his values, his attitudes, than Percy did in the books.

- I might write an essay on Luke's character arc check back with me in a week 

- So happy we got to see capture the flag on screen 

- The way annabeth just COMMANDS even though she's literally twelve, a baby, and everyone respects her 

- FIXING HIS ARMOUR 

- the combat choreography is SO good 

- Luke and Chris: "when it's time, he's gonna be ready. I know it" foreshadowing? 

- god I love women

- "who's Sally Jackson?" oh do NOT say that to him

- I really love that they emphasised how Percy only took the quest to save his mother. the quest was never actually about the bolt, not to Percy. it's about a boy's love for his mother. that's the most important thing. 

anyways that's all for now!! be back tomorrow when I've watched it again. sorry not sorry, gonna go finish house of hades now 

(hit me up if you wanna overanalyse percy jackson with me)

@goinginsaneinthemembrane

WATCHED THE FIRST 2 PJO EPISODES @goinginsaneinthemembrane AND I AM LOSING MY ACTUAL FUCKING SHIT

pjo tv spoilers //

- DIONYSUS' "hello son" "you're my father?" "yes, but ah--before we talk can you fetch me that bottle of wine?"

- ANNABETHS PERFECT CASTING

- "have you been there the whole time?" "yes" "are you stalking me?" "yes"

- LUKES SCAR. THE WAY HE ACTS LIKE AN OLDER BROTHER.

- PERCY TALKING TO HIS MUM THROUGH THE FLAME. "i think i've really made some friends here" TALKING ABT LUKE AND WE JUST KNOW HES GONNA BE BETRAYED AND IT HURTS SO GOOD

- CAMP!! SO PRETTY!!! SO PRETTY!!!!!

- GROVERS LIL HORNS

- PERCYS ANGER AT HIS FATHER. PERFECTLY PORTRAYED. AND YOU CAN SEE PERFECTLY HOW IT COULD ESCALATE TO LUKES ABSOLUTE HATRED OF THE GODS

- "hold fast. brave the storm" GOT ME SOBBING

- THE MINOTAUR IN HIS FUCKING UNDERWEAR

- god i love this show

- everything about it is perfect perfect PERFECT

- "is there a greek god of disappointment?" "well, technically-"

- mythomagic

- percy fucking FLOSSING. taking a nap. petting a lizard.

- THALIAS NAME PRONUNCIATION. I WAS RIGHT. I WAS RIGHT YALL. YALL TOLD ME I WAS WRONG WHEN I WAS LIKE 12 BUT I WAS RIGHT

- annabeth shoving percy back into the water instead of him just being there is lmaoooooo

- THEME SONG THEME SONG WE GOT A THEME SONG

(edit:)

- WAIT I FORGOT I FORGOT HOW COULD I: "you are your father's son." "i am sally jackson's son." HIT SO HARD

- "you drool when you sleep" SHE SAID THE WORDS SHE SAID THE WORDS WE GOT TO SEE THEM ON SCREEN. WE GOT TO HEAR THE WORDS.

--

only complaints:

- didn't get to see the fates

- gabe seemed less confronting than i feel he should've been, but i understand he is a character that is hard to capture, especially in a PG show

other than this everything i could've hoped for. i cried so much. 9 year old me is finally content.

brb gonna go rewatch and update this

[bestloversfan]

Hi! I'm new to the Everlark fandom. Having only finished the books and the movies, I'm now working my way through all the meta I can find. And I love your blog, thank you for providing a thought provoking material.

There's one thing I'd like to read more about, and oddly enough, I haven't seen it covered much in the Everlark meta: Katniss' behaviour (attitude) towards the highjacked Peeta after he had been rescued and returned to her. Have you made analysis post about it, maybe? If so, would you please redirect me there? Or to any other posts you might know on the matter.

This part of the book and Katniss' attitude upset me so much, it felt like she failed Peeta. Failed to be there for him when he needed her the most, and only after Haymitch berated her, she felt ashamed. I was so sad that it took Haymitch to open her eyes, that she didn't find it in her on her own. I'm not saying she owed Peeta romantic affection, love or relationship, but I think she owed him human support and investment - and that she failed to give him. She chose to remove herself completely from the situation and fled. She only got back on track when Peeta started showing definite signs of getting better (after he arrived to the Capitol mission). At that point, I honestly wished for Peeta to heal but for Katniss to live him alone, once and for all. It devastated me so much, that I still cannot get over it. When they got back together in the Epilogue - it was logical and according to Katniss' nature, Gale was right (she needed Peeta to heal, she couldn't function without him, so she stayed with him) - but it felt like she didn't actively choose Peeta, but drifted towards him because he was there. It felt more like it was about what she could take from him than give him (because she loved him). And with the gap that the lack of her support for Peeta created when he was highjacked, this leaves me kind of bitter. I wish this thing was somehow addressed in the the book, but it never was. The films kind of played the whole thing down because in the film we didn't see Katniss' inner thoughts on the matter, which in the books were the worst part of it all.

Don't get me wrong, in the end it's good they grew back together and healed each other, I'm glad. I liked the epilogue, with all the hope it brings. They made each other happy. She made Peeta very happy, and it counts for something.

But my issues about the gap between the highjacked Peeta and the absent Katniss still stand.. And I haven't seen them addressed anywhere. Maybe there's another side to it which I overlook.

Maybe you or your followers don't mind elaborating or redirecting me to the existing discussions on the matter.

Sorry for the long rant and thanks a lot!❤️ I just can't stop thinking about THG and Everlark 😅

Hi! Welcome to THG/Everlark fandom! I'm glad you like my blog. 🥰

As for your question, yes, we've discussed this matter (the way Katniss treated Peeta when he was hijacked). Many times, to be more specific. I'll redirect you to some metas about this topic, but I want to talk about a few things beforehand:

First of all, I understand your upsetness at the way Katniss treated Peeta when he was hijacked. She really didn't treat him fairly, and it was a good thing Haymitch openned her eyes. But you're not considering one thing: She was suffering A LOT. What she did was selfish, but understandable. Can you imagine what it feels like to lose someone you love in the way Katniss lost Peeta? She never wanted to love anyone, because she was afraid of suffering. But she fell in love with Peeta anyway. And then he was ripped away from her, and brainwashed into believing he HATED her. It was so much for her to bear, and she was just a TEENAGER. Also, in the beginning, she couldn't do much to help him in his recovery, because he was a threat to her. He literally tried to kill her, and he couldn't even hear her name without freaking out. So, when we consider all of this, we can empathize with her and understand why she acted the way she did.

As for what you said about her choice for Peeta, I definitely don't agree with that. She didn't choose Peeta just because "she couldn't function without him". She chose him because she loved him, and had been loving him for awhile. What you said suggests she never felt anything for him and only chose him because she was emotionally dependent on him, and it's not true. She started loving him long before that. In Catching Fire, when she said she needed him and kissed him like she never did before, their relationship became 100% real. Nothing she did from that moment on was an act. If it weren't for the hijacking, they surely would have got together a lot sooner.

By the end of MJ, Katniss said she needed Peeta to survive, but it's not to be taken literally. What Suzanne Collins was trying to convey with that passage is that Katniss wasn't choosing only a partner, but also the future she wanted to have. She needed hope, and only Peeta could give her that. Gale couldn't. And yes, she made a choice. She didn't choose Peeta just because "he was there". She chose him because she loved him (don't forget she told him "real"), and needed him. And it would have happened anyway, as she said herself. She could have chosen to be alone (romantically) and to be only friends with Peeta, as they used to be before the Quarter Quell. She could have chosen to be with someone else. She could have chosen to try and approach Gale (she knew he was in d.2. She could have tried to contact him). But she didn't do any of these things. She CHOSE to be with Peeta. Despite all of her fears in regards to romantic relationships, she chose him. And this is one of the many evidences that she loved him. Also, the fact that she only talked about what Peeta could give her in that passage doesn't mean she wasn't willing to give him anything. Throughout the books, she helped him and saved his life so many times. And even when he was hijacked, at some point she recognized her mistake and started helping him in his recovery. She was a flawed person (who isn't?), but she cared deeply about him. And in the epilogue, Peeta said "we have each other", which suggests Katniss was there for him too (I'm pretty sure she was).

Well, this got longer than I intended to (haha!), but I hope I helped you understand these points. Now, as promised, here are the links to the metas:

Meta by @buttercupisbrainless: Link

Meta by @everlarkedalways: Link

Meta by me: Link

Meta by @safeinpeetasarms: Link

There are more metas about this topic, but these are the ones I could find right now. If anyone wants to add another meta, feel free to reblog this post with it. 😉

Thanks for your ask, anon! Feel free to send me an ask whenever you want to know my opinion on something. 😊

[theangryjikooker]

Hello! I know your inbox is probably flooded, but when you get a chance, can you elaborate on the "incongruous aspects" that keep you grounded? I'm in need of some grounding. (Though I love Jikook and their dynamics so will still enjoy their interactions.)

An understatement, to be honest. 😭 But I don't answer everything anymore—realistically cannot—so we're on the up and up!

This one's tough for me to answer for a few reasons.

But the one I throw around a lot in passing, mostly because it's a safe and catch-all answer, is that a lot of the times they treat each other isn't exclusive to them. This shouldn’t be news to anyone because I say this every so often. And from occasional clips I’ve seen of the following, I can see why Tkkrs, Taejinnies, Namkookers, Yoonminions (I will never tire of this ship name!), etc. see their ships the way they do. But conversely, I can also see why everyone is probably just as mistaken as we are.

My outlook on Jikook can easily be applied to any ship. The only difference is that I do have a vested interest in Jikook, so I’m going to be paying closer attention to the moments that I would consider suspicious and diving into that a bit more.

I could get into specifics, but I don’t really want to and here’s why: the moment I realized I was gaining a ton more followers (and probably even more than that when taking into account those who are just camping and waiting to strike at something I’ve said), the more I recognized that I had to measure out what’s worth publicizing and what isn’t. It’s not that I’m censoring myself because it would render this blog absolutely pointless, but there are definitely topics that I intentionally make “consumable,” a.k.a. I only graze the surface of my feelings. At the end of the day, this is still only a hobby for me and it has to be fun to maintain for it to continue. So the question is on any given day: do I feel like poking the bear or the mountain lion? I’m not poking both. And the question you’re posing will require me to devolve into poking both. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The only time I’m probably a bit more honest is if there’s a mutual give-and-take. I’m a little bit more forthcoming in my DMs, but that’s only because the people who are interacting with me have leveled with me and think along the same lines, are flexible in their opinions, and understand that even though they might prefer to believe one thing, you can easily entertain contrasting thoughts/realities vs. fiction/and so on.

[lilacerull0]

Scrapbooks of flowers

The fourth photograph: scrapbook of begonias

"We're all just learning how to smile."

- Learn to smile, INXS

People remember each other's faces for a reason. She could declare how her name was Nova Sparks under a million different circumstances and it would never matter as much as a single smile or a handshake does.

When her brother smiles, Nova feels the most at home. And Revelius smiles. He smiles like each breath holds an entire world.

Something that gets talked about a lot are the graduations. The valedictorian speeches. The breakups, the reunions. The births, the deaths. You know, the big moments. Nova doesn't seem to remember those (even though she desperately wants to). She remembers the little ones. The quick shining glimmers of passing hopes.

Nova dreams of captivating city lights and rooms filled with people who don't do anything but glow. Her hands are peppered with moonlight kisses as she rests them against the window frame of her room. The city seems so much brighter if you don't want anything from it in return.

She finds herself thinking about all those days that were brilliantly usual and how she never stopped to notice them. Something about that doesn't sit right with her, but she can't pinpoint the exact cause of her uneasiness. She never stops. That's what she does and that's how she is. She's Nova Sparks. Nova Sparks whose nails are unevenly cut and whose cheeks are always a bit rosy and whose eyes are emerged from burning passion and twinkling flames. She's not the one for waiting.

The sky is a nice shade of blue when Lyerr asks her to wait. Lyerr is a nobody, they barely interact apart from these Saturday nights in which they meet to discuss plant names and rank indie records.  Lyerr is not a family member nor a friend. He's only there so that he could point out that she is in the wrong and that he is in the right. She's there for the same thing, just put it in reverse. That's why, when he tells her to "wait up", she doesn't give it much thought.

The town thinks that Revelius and Dorothy, her brother's person, are dating. Nova understands where they are coming from. For instance, they hug in public places. They embrace one another so tightly that Nova wonders how could they still recognize air. She asks her older brother about the rumours and all he says in return is: "love never repeats itself". She isn't sure what exactly does he mean by it, but the line never leaves her head.

Nova fills her bedroom with maps, calendars and compasses. She buys a hundred colourful posters that she never hangs anywhere. She wishes to travel. Travelling means moving, hunting for happiness. She just wants to go somewhere.

When they were little, Revelius and Nova used to climb trees. Their hands always ended up embellished with scars. She often cried because of that. The adventures were wonderful, but why did you have to get hurt while experiencing them? 

That's when Revelius first starts drawing flowers on her hands. The next time it happens, he asks her if he could do it again. She lets him. Never does he ask her again. 

"What's that on your hands?" Lyerr wonders during one of their debates. She looks up at him and doesn't immediately process what he's referring to. Her hands always look like this. It takes her a few whole lifetime resembling minutes to process the statement. It's not before he lifts her hand from the table that she does. "Those are flowers, my brother paints them". He looks at her. She looks at him. This is when he is supposed to drop her hand. "It's like you have your own personal garden right there on your hands." It's not before he says it that it hits her just how much Lyerr actually talks about plants.

It's late when she overhears the conversation. She was just going to the bathroom and she didn't even know that Dorothy was there. "How do I make the clocks stop?" Nova expects to hear Revelius respond to that but she never does. She doesn't want to think about what Dorothy said. She doesn't. She shouldn't have heard that. What Dorothy said wasn't meant for her to hear. But she does think about it. She thinks about it and she wonders what is it that Dorothy wanted to say. Because for Nova, the clocks never go anywhere. They cannot stop because they were never moving to begin with.

***

"Do you always spend your time here? I mean, do you ever hang out with anybody else?"

"And you consider this hanging out?"

Lyerr isn't teasing her. He's just being his blunt annoying self.

"Well it is going out, we meet up here each and every Saturday and we talk about a whole bunch of stuff which both of us accidentally happen to like. We are hanging out."

"Oh, I just never looked at it like that."

"Now, answer my question."

"No, I don't hang out with anybody else."

The truth is, she expected him to say that. It's not the words that are intriguing her. It's the way that he says them. He's not embarrassed. His cheeks aren't reddening. His eyes aren't trying to get away from her. He's simply stating a fact.

"Don't you need people?"

"People can't make you feel whole. You do that yourself."

 

He says that, adjust the pencil behind his ear a little, frowns at her (because he's Lyerr) and they go back to the topic that they were discussing before.

All Saturdays are the same, she concludes.

***

Dorothy is leaving for college. And yes, she knows that it's none of her business. Dorothy is her brother's friend. But everything that happens to Revelius also happens to her in a way too. And no, this is not something that she hides and "could never admit to anyone". Revelius is her brother, but more importantly, he is her friend. She loves him with her whole heart and she is willing to admit that to anyone.

So, Dorothy is leaving for college. Nova wakes up with an unsettling feeling in her stomach. She spends the entire morning pacing around the living room rearranging stuff that most certainly don't need to be rearranged and folding and unfolding the same blue sweatshirt over and over again.

She's sitting on the floor when he walks in, coffee in hand. Mum and dad are still at work. Revelius takes a few steps forward, stops for a second, turns his head around as though in search for something and then he sees her. He pulls off a smile (because smiling is what he does) and lies down on the carpet beside her.

"The world looked beautiful today."

She isn't sure if it's her place to say anything in return to that and therefore, she doesn't.

***

It lasts for exactly three minutes. Not a tiny bit less. Not a tiny bit more. In conclusion, it barely reaches the limited timeline of a single shoulder brush.

She stumbled. She was walking home and she stumbled over something and now she is on the ground, checking for bruises. She wouldn't have looked up. She wouldn't have, but the sound is so beautiful that she basically has to look up. There is a girl sitting on the ground, cross legged, singing and holding a guitar. There's a purple ribbon wrapped around the girl's wrist, her hair is all messed up and her clothes seem old. And she's smiling. It's like her words are chuckling as she sings.

It's not about the specific event as much as it is about the discovery that the event in itself is specific.

***

"But people don't appreciate them enough!"

"Just to be clear, you are trying to convince me that dandelions deserve more love from people? What kind of conversation is this exactly?"

"Nova, the dandelions need our love and devotion, those flowers offer so much to us and we never offer anything in return! Now that, that is not what a decent human being does!"

"You're gonna need to elaborate on that, Lyerr."

"Oh, you bet I'm going to do that."

He does proceed with his intentions and makes some rather interesting points (Taraxacum, Nova. T a r a x a c u m, doesn't it simply roll off your tongue? The way that the word dandelion sounds like in latin is a reason enough to love it!). She chuckles despite herself and Lyerr chuckles despite himself too. His face is red from all that passion and she is busy writing down the information that he is sharing with her because they need to remember these debates, they are practically world heritage (Lyerr's words, not hers).

This is happening every single Saturday.

It's happening every single Saturday and it's still not dull.

All Saturdays are the same.

"You remind me of parts of myself I will never have a chance to meet."

- Mariah Gordon Dyke

[magnusbae]

Now the issue is as follows:

@cuubism came out and pleasantly and calmly explained something that is BATSHIT CRAZY. And me? Me? Well, I don't have the energy to preach as it deserves HOWEVER.

While this is a shared, loving, custody. Canonverse is cuubism passion child, and human verse is my compulsive obsession, and so, I would like to ELABORATE EVEN MORE.

Death and HOB have the most functional, most communicative, open relationship ever imagined. They have set rules (not bringing hookups home, etc) and they respect each other a lot. Both are well adjusted and well functioning adults.

That is until Dream, Death's little brother needs to crush at their place for a couple of weeks— Hob sees him and stumbles OVER THE SUITCASE he's been trying to help Dream carry up the stairs.

He's obsessed, IMMEDIATELY, captivated, looking at him like a fool because he's the prettiest thing he's ever seen (sorry death you are a goddess but......hob is in deep) and while Hob's and Death's relationship is VERY open, he does not think it stretches as far as HER LITTLE BROTHER.

Meanwhile he's using EVERY moment to dote on Dream. Because something about him just screams PLEASE TAKE CARE OF ME. And while Death is independent, adjusted and in no need for doting. Dream awakens EVERY SINGLE CAVEMEN DOTING CELL in Hob. Hob just wants to COOK FOR HIM, AND LISTEN TO HIM AND DOTE ON HIM like mad.

Meanwhile Dream is like: WHAT IS THIS, IS THIS.....CARE?!

Eventually the events Cuubism mentioned unfolds, and Death gives her blessing to Hob, YET HOB TAKES FOREVER TO EVEN MAKE A MOVE ON DREAM. More like he just compliments him, and a LOT. And Dream just.... falls for it.

There's nothing OUTWARD happening, just Hob casually sitting and listening to Dream talk for 4 hours looking him in the eyes like this:

And Dream just...without realizing it ends up in Hob's lap.

Hob was asking Dream all sorts of leading questions about a topic Dream is passionate about, and Dream talks, talks for hours without realizing it. Opening up, feeling safe and comfortable to share his inner thoughts. He's getting closer as he talks and at some point Hob is laughing and wraps his arms around Dream, teasing him, and Dream just ends up in his lap and STAYS THERE.

Hob is basically DOTING on Death's BABY BROTHER and he CANNOT get enough of him, And it's all with DEATH'S BLESSING.

She was only like "Just not in my face Hob, have some manners" and that's all. Because for real, if Hob likes him so much, might as well, and Dream could use someone normal (which she is questioning after seeing Hob walking face straight into an open door because he was staring at Dream yawning and stretching at th kitchen table)

Dream is VERY upset because he LIKES Hob so much but he's his sister's bf???? And he really doesn't care it's his sister it's more like, he cares a lot that it's ???? lying ????? he hates???? lying?????

So eventually WHEN HE ACCIDENTLY KISSES HOB, HE JUST COMES to death like, deeply upset, I'm sorry sister your boyfriend is horrible and--

And then as Cube said, Death is just "It took him that long to hit on you? What a pussy, he asked me ages ago" And therefore DREAM IS STUCK IN THE ODDEST SITUATION WHERE??? HE LIVES??? WITH HIS SISTER??? AND THE GUY SHE SORT OF DATES??? WHO ALSO SORT OF DATES HIM?!?!?!?

And Dream unlike Death is the FURTHEST FROM BEING WELL ADJUSTED, FUN, AND CASUAL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS.

But the thing is--------- Hob is chill and down to earth enough to literally DATE DREAM. Like yes, he and Death have an amazing thing going but they do not date and it was always clear between them.

So if Dream wishes o be exclusives....... yes, yes Hob can and will do it.

So Dream would have his HobToy (copymarked to cuubism) all to himself.

Therefore resulting in the following meme update:

Re: canonverse, it's been cuubism's love child for the longest time she's the only one who can tell this story properly.

P.S.2 while this IS my passion child, it was raised and made to be with cuubism, it is OUR silly crazy au

would you be ok elaborating on the hob/death post? I already adore Hob and death friendship arcs and Hob/death as a concept and I would LOVE to hear more

*cracks knuckles* so--

there are actually two separate AUs. the canonverse one, and the human AU one.

i pitched the canonverse one to @magnusbae thus:

extremely funny au where hob and death have been casually hooking up since 1389 and dream finally confesses his feelings in like 2050 and hob's like ah. should i stop hooking up with your sister then? and dream's like should you stop doing WHAT?

basically. in the six billion years it takes dream to get his shit together and admit to his own feelings for hob, hob and death have just been having loads of no-strings-attached sexy fun in the background (death: you snooze, you lose, dream! *sticks tongue out*)

dream is very perturbed by this, he's like hello that's MY toy?? give it BACK???? I HAD IT FIRST!!!!!!!!!

(we don't headcanon hob and death actually dating, by the way. they're just pals who hook up sometimes. they're very chill about it. dream is the only one who's not chill about it because he wants All Of Hob's Attention All The Time NOW)

tldr:

The human AU version:

Hob and Death are roommates/friends/fuckbuddies who have this lowkey open relationship thing going on. they're having a great time in their casual but well-communicated healthy relationship.

enter Dream, least well-adjusted person on the planet, also Death's younger brother, who's staying with her for a while. and as soon as Dream arrives Death has to watch her formerly reasonable friend Hob disintegrate into a haze of utter Simp Behavior and insanity, and she's like oh boy. this is gonna get interesting.

meanwhile Dream is like handsome... guy... being nice... to me... 😳 *falling down the stairs*

Hob is into him so fast it's embarrassing and eventually Death yanks him aside and just gives him a look. And so like the mature adults they are they do talk about it and Death is like, dude, we aren't dating, you can do whatever you want. Besides, I'd rather have my brother be with someone I actually know and like rather than his other disastrous relationships (though Death is swiftly learning that Hob is much more unhinged than she'd previously thought. Dream brings all of it out in him). So Hob's like cool I'll flirt with your brother

NO ONE TELLS DREAM ABOUT IT

Dream is under the impression that Hob and Death are actually dating. So the more Hob flirts with him the more Dream is like 👀🤔 and he's kind of in love with Hob because ohh Hob is so kind and handsome and he listens to everything Dream says and he's so charming... but he also kind of hates Hob because how dare he cheat on Death and how dare he make Dream want him like that?

Death: so are you and Hob getting along well?

Dream: no. I hope Hob falls off a cliff and dies.

Death:.... alright thanks for the input

But Dream does just keep indulging his worse impulses and one day he just finds himself sitting in Hob's lap on the couch in Death's apartment while Hob listens to him talk and he's just like: oh my god I'm a homewrecker

Dream, later: Sister. Your shitty boyfriend is cheating on you

Death: ....did it actually take Hob this long to ask you out? we talked about it ages ago

Dream: ...

TLDR:

[tthael]

If you're still doing the DVD commentary thing, I'm curious about your thought process behind the whole discussion they have in the car at the end of chapter 11, when Richie asks Eddie why he thinks It targeted them specifically.

Oh boy, this answer’s a bit depressing.

See, I’ve gotten a lot of responses talking about how much they love Went and Maggie in Indelicate. And while they are fun--and a lot of their dynamic is influenced by my own parents and grandparents, and I decided to write their behavior as sort of blueprints for Richie and his behavior towards Eddie--Richie is more upset than he lets on about their conversation about Henry Bowers and his childhood.

So in Chapter 10, I have Richie sort of pick a fight with his parents. Eddie gives him an opening, and Richie immediately seizes onto the topic of Henry Bowers and his childhood bullying, because he wants to confront his parents. About their choice to live in Derry? Maybe. About their failure to respond appropriately to some very violent childhood bullying? Definitely. Richie brings up the incident from the book where Bowers wipes out in front of their class and Richie automatically and without thinking goes, “Hey, Bananaheels!” and Bowers chases Richie all the way through Freese’s department store with his cronies, intending to beat him. Because movie!Richie wears the Freese’s shirt, I decided to keep that incident.

And Went’s immediate response to Richie’s story of “Remember when I was in great fear of physical violence and very real fear for my safety?” is to ask, “Well, what did you do to make him angry?”

I don’t know if you’ve read Things That Happen After Beverly Leaves, but in that fic I have Bev and Richie have a conversation about Tom Rogan and a specific incident of violence that happens during the fic, during which Bev asserts that it was her fault that he went after her because she was antagonizing him. And Richie’s response is something to the effect of, “Oh, really? Does everyone have that threshold? What do you have to say to me before I decide to beat you, then?” Because it’s bullshit and victim blaming, and everyone has a choice of whether or not to commit violence, especially in positions of power. (Even when the violence is committed in self-defense, there’s always the choice to--not defend yourself, and to accept those consequences. In this instance, I’m not describing “violence” as an umbrella “this is always bad” sort of thing; but I do think that it’s always bad when enacted on someone else for the purpose of harming them, especially from a position of power to someone weaker.)

Like many readers of IT by Stephen King, I was horrified by the blasé approach that most of the adults have to the childhood bullying portrayed in the book. I know that King experienced bullying as a child--probably part of why he writes it so elaborately and brutally; and I know that one of It’s influences is that It exaggerates the negative and harmful tendencies of all of Derry’s residents, including bullies like Henry Bowers (even before It interferes with him directly), Alvin Marsh and Sonia Kaspbrak (whose “protective” and abusive natures become exaggerated and inhuman), and adults who turn blind eyes to the violence happening in front of them (the older couple who saw Bowers cutting Ben and drove on, bystanders who saw Alvin Marsh chasing Bev through the street and did nothing, a shopkeeper who tried to intervene in an act of bullying and allowed Bowers and his gang to run him off instead of rescuing the Loser in question, though I’m afraid I don’t remember the specifics).

In this case, I decided that the Toziers didn’t respond appropriately to defend their son. You can decide whether that was because of Derry and It or because of their parenting style. But in this case I decided to have Wentworth demand that Richie take responsibility for his victimization. And Richie gives a sort of Stepford smile when he admits to provoking Bowers; and Wentworth’s response is “You’re very smart, but you kept being stupid and getting into fights.”

If you read the Bananaheels scene from IT, we see that Richie has literally no brain-to-mouth filter. The very second the words are out of his mouth, he wants to kick himself, but he knows Bowers will do it for him. I also write Richie as having untreated ADHD, especially as a child, and his failure to consider cause and effect here is influenced by my own brother. He literally could not consider the consequences of his temper tantrums when he was a child, because there was no reflection or consideration of cause and effect for him. Many child psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists attested to this. Because this is a real person and someone I have great affection for, I’m not interested in breaking down whether that’s an element of being a child (it was not in my experience) or an element of having untreated ADHD (again, it was not in my experience, as I suffered crippling overthink and decision paralysis at the other end of the spectrum). But I did decide to let that influence Richie.

Eddie is very uncomfortable with Richie’s parents’ lack of sympathy, especially because he shared the experience with Richie; but he’s also uncomfortable with parents in general and very aware that he’s in the Toziers’ space and doesn’t feel he has standing towards them. Richie gets more defensive, Stepford smiling, and recounts other stories of Bowers’ gang harassing the Losers, getting crueler and more flippant both with himself and with his friends (he casually insults Ben), and culminates in the story of Bowers cutting Ben for the crime of not allowing him to cheat off him in school, something that Richie is sure the Toziers cannot claim was the wrong thing to do, the way they suggested that Richie’s actions were the wrong thing to do.

Only then does Wentworth remember that the childhood bully Richie mentioned was actually arrested and imprisoned for fratricide. This is something that even the fog of Derry’s memory loss didn’t take away from him completely, and Richie discussing it brings it back up. And Richie gleefully confirms that yes, that is the Henry Bowers he meant, and actually he tried to lynch Mike and successfully stabbed Eddie in the face, two actions that the Toziers cannot dismiss as provoked. Then the Toziers get distracted by dentistry and Richie coldly and excellently lies to his parents’ faces not just about Bowers’ whereabouts but about the fact that he killed them.

So Richie’s topic of conversation when he and Eddie leave is “Why do you think It went after us?” because he’s still trying to deal with the victim blaming his father expressed and what he actually means is “What do you think I did that made this happen to me?” Then Richie talks about his parents’ choice not to have any children after him, and makes a joke that’s actually completely serious about being such an annoying child that his parents decided they didn’t want any more, even at the potential of his mother’s longed-for daughter, because (in Richie’s mind) the risk of a second Richie was too great. And Richie jokes about his own death, and admits to Eddie that he was very lonely, because Richie is still very lonely right now.

And Eddie says that he’s not lonely and he never felt lonely, and Richie hears “I wasn’t lonely because I had you,” and that’s what he really needs to hear right then. It’s not a love confession (a love confession would be too good to be true), but Richie thinks it’s as good as he’s going to get, so he eats it up.

Even Eddie’s thoughts are about victim blaming, which comes down to an argument that I read on tumblr some years ago: that “she shouldn’t have dressed like that, she shouldn’t have gone off by herself” means “rape the other girl, the one who did all the wrong things,” the one that means violence as punishment. Eddie thinks that victim blaming in this case means that It should have killed and eaten the other kid, which is of course wrong, because It had to be stopped for its monstrosity, not because it was an ineffective deterrent or punishment.

So Eddie pushes Richie in the other direction--he says that what made a difference was not that the Losers ran around without supervision, but that they loved each other enough to risk their lives trying to save each other. Even Richie, in his magnanimous cruelty after speechifying and leaving Bill on the hook, chose to kill the fucking clown rather than abandon Bill, rather than leave It to eat the other kid. And when Richie says “Good for us,” about the Losers being willing to die for each other, he gets grim because Eddie is still like that, trying to die for him; and Richie can forgive himself for trying to die to save the others, but he doesn’t know if he can forgive Eddie for actually dying to save him yet.

That was a long one, but I’m planning on digging back into Maggie and Went in Indelicate again and it’s good practice for me to analyze the choices I made months ago. So thank you for asking! And for reading, of course.

[nyasialiveshere]

2. I mean either political or aligned with a certain way of thinking. For example an important part of art is critiquing and analyzing. I find in exo, sm, and kpop spaces it isn't acceptable to give honest opinions on art. Therefore it's hard to interact with art positively is you cannot even interact with the work itself in a conductive way. For example, there was once a web comic based on Wolf and a few of shinee's contents a long time ago. Fans now tend to ignore the mythos, not discuss it and create fan work completely separate from the reality of the kpop universe. This is a problem for me. If the work reflected more on the reality of exo, even the real life hard hitting issues they face or things that fit the group them I could see myself interacting with it more. Fanwork tends to ignore almost everything but looks and shipping.

Like chibi, or an anime version of the members...like I like art but it feels like dehumanization rather than art in terms of appreciation, you know? Like a lot of people were anime fans and then get into kpop because of the makeup, plastic surgery and their willingness to do fanservice. Like real life anime.

Anyway, in essence there is not much to discuss with current works. To make a more specific example, dc comics tends to write stories that are relevant to todays world, and fandom works do the same. You will see fancomics talk about even more relevant topics than the comics and movies and shows.

Even singers back in the day had movies about real life or interesting topics. Micheal Jackson fans to this day create projects based off of him. Even fans who grew up to make cartoons and movies make characters inspired by his projects. To me that is what makes fanworks interesting and worth checking out. Not just it being pretty.

I suppose a part of it is on the companies. They don't do enough to inspire the fans either. The concept can be great, but it isn't discussed and often ignored by the artists, they hardly talk about it. So I suppose fans do the same. For me it's a miss. Like Obsession was a great concept with terrible promotion and execution. The fanworks and art to me also had potential to be great but they ignore the themes.

To be even more specific, with Rover, great concept, great execution but that is a rare case. I think if the fandom was bigger and more active it could of been even better.

I also recognize fans are doing unpaid labor and get little in return for their work. The companies don't reward the fans at all.

Could you elaborate on how you mean people expect you to have certain opinions? And also when you say they'll talk to you a certain way and kpop fans are extremely disrespectful...is there a scenario you can give me to better understand?

6. For example, I wasn't really active in the fandoms so it's hard to give a clear example. But when call me baby came out in 2015, I thought it was really good, but looking back it did borrow a lot from bands like Nsync and such. That could be talked about more, fans do not want to hear that nor compare kpop to it's influences. I believe one moment in a mv teaser came directly from pinterest... I'm only saying this because I noticed it myself and others noticed it later.

If I were to bring this up, it would be bashed. It's just what I've seen and experienced. Even comparing two good works is seen as an insult. I am not saying every fan does this, it is probably the minority, but the minority talks the loudest in the kpop fandom. It's a bit too much.

If I say that Kai is inspired by another artist, yet he didn't say it out his own mouth, people will say, you are trying to degrade him as an artist. In Rover his Mv was inspired clearly by several other mediums, again people do not want to hear that, they only want direct praise, no other discussion about the work. It feels like there is no point. I am not a kindergartener. I do not want to act like I am watching a children's cartoon. Like I must clap, smile and say nothing intelligent. It gets tiring after awhile. It was fine as a young teen, but even then it was annoying.

Even a comment about something casual. Like for example, sometimes kpop idols go on vacation and hypothetically they went to a nightclub and have something from the nightclub. And I or someone else says 'oh hey he must have went here'. They would go crazy, if you do that 'you are trying to expose them', or start rumors that they are dating. It's mad. I don't really understand why kpop idols can't date. That is another thing that I just cannot get about the fandom. The korean public I somewhat accept because that is their culture. But american fans know good and well they could never stop justin bieber from dating back when he was up and coming, NEVER, it doesn't make sense how if you imply they may date a girl or guy--they get upset. It makes me uncomfortable. I cannot accept behavior like that. It is immoral. Love is a human right. So to be clear that is another large thing. Shipping is fine but even in one direction, people would ship larry on monday but that didn't mean eleanor would disappear on tuesday. Shipping to me in the context of kpop is different, yes other western fandoms ship but the people can date publicly, they can say hey I like this person, or I went on a date last tuesday. Kpop idols cannot. So it's not the same thing. It is a method of control. All of one direction had long term girlfriends and fiancee's from the start of the group. That's another thing I don't get. The scandal of being a grown adult and dating, and the western fans going along with it. I don't like it.

That also makes it hard to enjoy content knowing how toxic the fandom is.

So to be clear, even if you enjoyed (this is an assumption based on the use of the word appreciate) something, it only gets a reblog if it's something that fits your style? How do you define style? Do you mean personal aesthetic? Or does it more mean something fits your personality

Yes. Basically. I may also reblog it if I want to commentate something, but with kpop it's usually best if you say nothing to avoid hate. I don't like to argue so I feel like there's no point draining my energy with an irrational person. Style can be interchanged with vibe. Just something lighthearted, or important. I'm not a strict on what I reblog it just has to be noteable. I will reblog a cow or a cat picture with the same vigor as I'll reblog modern art, or a golden girls or parks and recreation meme. As long as it is something that to me is relatively wholesome, nice to look at and not low vibrational. So I guess something that fits my personality but also my individuality.

I Have a (few) question(s) for Exol.

I'm genuinely curious as to the answers, so if you see this could you please do me the favour of signal boosting this so it reaches more people?

I see posts circulating now and again about lack of interaction on fandom creation posts. No one reblogs. No one comments. But I never see anyone asking why. Is it simply a matter of being in the middle of an etiquette shift? Is it crossplanted members of social media communities having different social norms? Has the way people use Tumblr shifted? Speculation only goes so far so to better understand what I'd like to know is the following:

How long have you been on Tumblr? Any fandom not just Exo.

What is your take on fan created works on Tumblr and interacting with them?

Do you have a process for what goes on your blog? How do you find most of the posts you reblog? Through the dash? Through the tags?

Do you spend time on other platforms? Have you in the past?

How do you interact with fan creations on these other platforms? Do you like comment or share? Do you re-tweet? Etc.

When was the last fic of any length (drabble and blurbs and headcanons/reactions included) you read? Last time you saw fanart (including edits and moodboards and graphics) you enjoyed?

Did you reblog it?

If yes you did reblog did you say anything about it? Simple or otherwise? Leave a gif underneath that expressed how you felt? Put a comment in the tags? Left an emoji? Etc.

If you didn't leave commentary was there a reason? Do you feel like you start to repeat yourself when commenting? Do you think there's nothing to say? Were you following the adage if you cant say something nice dont say anything at all? Other reasons?

If no you did not reblog why? Is there a specific reason? Did you not like it and not want to say? Does it not fit your blog? Was it not a length or level of skill you felt warranted a reblog? Have your friends already seen it? Do you only post your own creations? Other reasons?

For our fan creators I have an extra question. Do you reply to your comments? Even if they're in the tags?

If no is there a reason?

Please take a moment and share your answers cause I'm trying to understand where things shifted from what they were before to now.