#I have a lot of feelings about WFH

[prettychips]

As a professional interior designer who specializes in commercial/corporate type spaces, the push by employees to move towards remote work does not scare me in the least. There will always be a need for spaces for people to gather in. That's what I consider my job security.

I would love to design more publicly accessible type spaces where anyone can come and enjoy in whatever capacity they prefer. I want to see more green spaces, more versatility in the way of seating and gathering, more small-owned businesses together in more community type configurations.

People will gather to (and in this case, work remotely within) the spaces that serve them best. I hope more spaces that support a broad spectrum of needs (childcare, nutrition, pet-friendly accommodations, safety & privacy, and any other reason someone wants to be away from a corporate setting).

(If we ignore the negative impacts of COVID-19 within the design industry for a second) There has been a big push for versatility in gathering spaces. The ability to shift our environment to move with us, as opposed to the opposite, is HUGE. I'm using fewer hard walls in my designs and shifting to furniture pieces as temporary 'walls'.

This is one photo (courtesy of OFS) with a furniture example of what I mean. All of these pieces you see are on casters, which means they are moveable. The cork board, whiteboard, and TV wall are serving as a sort of 'barrier' to control visual and audio privacy, but they are not permanent! The furniture is shown here for a small meeting, but can easily be changed to any number of configurations, it all depends on what's required for the situation.

We need to seek out these spaces that encourage flexibility and community when we see them. I cannot tell you the number of clients I've worked with that are so strongly opposed to any idea other than a closed off traditional cubicle for their office because they're worried about 'productibility' or 'keeping people from stealing company time' (gross and not possible).

If you're ever in a situation where you can help move the needle towards accessible and open spaces, I encourage you to consult with the designer/architect to help fight for you.

You deserve to thrive in a dignified and supportive environment no matter where that place is.

[navybluetriangles]

.

[kaile-hultner]

Help me dig upward: the Tumblr post

In which I talk a little bit about the hole I’ve been in for a hot minute—and what I want to do to dig out of it.

Hey y’all,

For the second time in a few years I’m starting a GoFundMe. This time, though, it’s not for the site, at least not explicitly. It is to help me get out from under the weight of debt that I’ve been carrying for more than a decade at this point, but which has finally gotten so bad that it’s affecting everything from my sleep patterns to my overall mental health and ability to do the thing that you likely already support me for: this website. 

If you’ve been wondering why the posting has decreased here, or reduced in quality, or why we started 2024 off publishing other writers and then just as suddenly stopped doing that again, this is why: I am out of money, I am in debt, and it feels like I’m living every day in pure, basic survival mode. 

This GFM, in which I’m asking for $10,000, is a moonshot, a Hail Mary. I don’t expect it to raise anything; it will be the last time I ask the Internet for money, whether it works or it doesn’t. If it works, obviously it’ll mean I’ll be able to post more and maybe my mental health will improve and I won’t feel like every moment is a countdown to a terrible ending, and I’ll be able to think of compelling angles to talk about video games again. If it doesn’t work, maybe I’ll figure something else out. Bankruptcy, probably. I don’t know. 

I hate doing this. I hate being in this position. I hate that I’ve already asked for money this year and people have been extremely generous and it just feels like all that generosity just went into a hole. I wish I had something to show for that generosity, or proactively for anything I gain from this campaign. So, if there is something you want me to cover or talk about or look at in exchange for your support on this campaign, just shoot me an email with proof of your donation, no matter how small. It’s kaile@noescapevg.com. I can’t promise I’ll write a bunch of magnum opuses at your request but I will do what I can just simply to show appreciation for your support. 

Anyway, this feels bad to me and I’m already starting to regret it, so I’m going to wrap this up by saying thank you in advance and I owe you my life. I wish that was figurative.

Edit: here is the text of the GFM I posted. 

Hi y’all,

My name is Kaile Hultner. I am an online cultural critic who has been running the video game criticism website No Escape since 2019. My work has been featured in other places like PC Gamer, Polygon and Bullet Points Monthly. And like a lot of people, I have been deeply in debt for years. 

Debt is a very strange phenomenon. As anthropologist David Graeber demonstrated in his book Debt: The First 5000 Years, it is a phenomenon that imparts a kind of moral valence on a person; whether or not that person can pay their debts is a sign of their trustworthiness or virtue as a member of polite society. Yet you can’t go without debt: at some point, at least in the United States, you have to pick up a form of debt – credit – to establish your credit score, without which you can’t rent an apartment, buy or lease a car, or, in some cases, even get a job. Being debt-free can harm this score, as can having a credit history that is “too young.” 

I’ve been in debt for a long time. I’ve been managing my debt for over a decade. Every year for the last six or seven years in particular it feels like I’m losing progressively more and more ground. Seven years ago I had a car; I could do things like deliver Uber Eats and DoorDash and make extra money whenever I ran out. It broke down in my driveway in 2022 and I couldn’t afford to take it to a mechanic to get it fixed. I sold it for $200. I haven’t been able to replace it. I don’t know what I’ll do if I ever need a car for anything. Luckily my day job is WFH. 

Recently, I’ve been fighting with my old bank over charges it erroneously applied to my account in excess of $1000, causing it to go deep into the negatives. I’ve been slowly, slowly digging myself out of that hole thanks to some close friends and some very kind folks who follow me on the Internet. But it’s caused other debts to exacerbate. And tonight I realized that I am at the end of my rope. I can’t do this anymore. I won’t sit here and say that I’ve done everything right; certainly, more than one bad decision made out of desperation has put me here. I won’t make excuses for that. But I’m tired of being here, in this position. I’m tired of waking up in the middle of the night with heart palpitations because I got an alert from my bank that I’m in the negatives. I’m tired of getting emails and phone calls from debt collectors. I’m tired of living in basic survival mode with no discernible path forward. I’m tired of being tired, of not having the energy to be creative and do the work I’ve built an online presence around for five years. And paradoxically, I’m tired of asking people on the internet for money. 

So I’m going to ask people on the internet for money, one final time. 

I’ve set the goal at $10,000. This is far more than I’m honestly expecting to get, but if I get even a fraction of that I could finally obliterate my debts in a meaningful way. I do have specific milestones that I basically need to meet, otherwise this GFM doesn’t hit its maximum effectiveness, but otherwise the sky is the limit. If I reach the whole amount… I don’t really know what I’ll do. Cry, maybe. 

Milestones – bolded are high-priority

Milestone reached! $750 – gets my old bank account out of the negatives. Eliminates one vector of harassment, allows me to close that account and move on. 

Milestone Reached! $1800 – does the above and allows me to fully pay any late or past-due loan payments missed as a result of the bank issue.

Milestone Reached! $6000 – does the above and allows me to fully pay off all installment loans 

$8000 – does the above and allows me to pay off any remaining debts. 

$10,000 – does the above and allows me to start saving. 

$10,000+ – basically a moonshot, I have no idea what I’ll do with extra. 

I fully do not expect you to donate to this. There are people trying to escape genocides, much more abject poverty, crushing medical debt, and so much more that feel – at least to me – so much more worthy of your attention and money. But just know that if you dodonate something, you have my undying appreciation. I will quite literally owe you my life. 

I’m going to post this now before I get too emotional or lose my nerve entirely, but again: thank you. Even if all you do is read this. 

—Kaile

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for breaking up with my boyfriend because he likes my body?

TW for ED but please hear me out:

My bf (30m) and I (28f) have been together for a little over 5 years. When we got together I had an extremely stressful and physically demanding job. Shortly after our relationship started I relapsed with an eating disorder that had been a problem since prepubescence; I started restricting heavily at age 11 and had struggled with it on/off since then.

After quitting that terrible job and regaining some agency in my life, I spent a couple of years really focused on recovery. Without giving specific numbers (cause triggering) I'll say that I was extremely underweight to an unhealthy level for at least a year and experienced severe health complications because of it. I nearly died from heart problems and had a big wakeup call that caused me to change my whole life. I've done the work of recovery without medical help (history of omission with doctors) but have had support from my bf, and am currently at the highest weight of my life.

at a recent checkup my Dr talked a lot about "healthy lifestyle" and mentioned my weight gain over the past couple of years. I'm still within the "normal" range for my height and build, but the after visit summary/chart notes denoted risk of becoming overweight. Idk if my Dr would have brought it up if my history of ED was in my chart, (and I did switch primary care practices a few years ago, so they weren't treating me at my thinnest) but it still shook me a bit and I will admit to feeling very triggered.

The job I moved to is quite sedentary compared to the previous terrible one - I wfh, and very rarely have to be on my feet or do strenuous activity. In addition, I have chronic pain issues that make exercise difficult, and so historically have just restricted to maintain/lose weight because it's easier for me physically to just be hungry than to work out. I didn't want to go down that road again though because of how intense and scary it got last time.

My bf is a personal trainer and specializes in working with low ability clients and people recovering from long illness/injury. When I told him that I wanted to start exercising more often and get a good cardio routine going, he was really excited and started immediately putting together an "action plan" (what he calls it w his clients idk) for me. Then he mentioned how I'd need to add on a bunch of meal supplements and snacks to avoid losing weight and I got upset.

We're a plant-based (vegan) household and live with a roommate (bf's friend) so mostly eat/cook communal dinners and have various breakfast & lunch plans on hand, so we already eat pretty healthy and make sure to have a good balance of macro/micro in the meal plan. My intent was to eat the same but increase my activity level to get out of the danger zone without restricting. I don't generally snack and rarely eat dessert, just the 3 squares.

I told my bf that I needed to lose weight and be more active according to my doctor, and that I wasn't comfortable with having protein supplements, smoothies, and snacks in addition to regular meals because that would defeat the purpose. He got really sad and said that he likes the way my body is now, and while he supports being more active, he doesn't want the size of me to change. His exact words at some point were "you look so good now, I love the amount of you that there is and I like the way you jiggle." It kind of made me feel sick and wonder if he has like a secret size fetish or something?

So I've been thinking of breaking things off with him and moving in with a friend or back in with my parents, but idk if this is actually a red flag or just the disorder talking? He did help me a lot with recovery but if he's going to keep me from being healthy or wants me to gain even more weight then maybe it's better to leave - would this be an asshole move? I honestly don't know.

[rachaellawrites]

I don't know how to write this post, mostly because I can't talk about 99% of what is going on.

To be (infuriatingly) vague: I am currently in a bad situation. I'm hoping to get out of said bad situation within the next year. However, one major obstacle to this is money. As a full-time stay-at-home mom, I can't really work - even WFH jobs aren't feasible at the moment because of... issues that I don't feel comfortable disclosing, for the sake of my child's privacy

When my child is able to go to school, this will change somewhat. I'm looking to do some variety of freelance work. But that probably won't happen until September 2025.

My saving grace right now is that I have a decent amount of savings. However, changing my situation is going to have a lot of upfront costs, and I don’t know how much of my savings will be available long-term for things like rent, bills, and food.

If anyone can help me build savings or start an income, however small, that would mean the world to me.

Here's some ways you can do so:

Tip me on ko-fi

Join my Patreon

Buy my books

Subscribe to my YouTube channel (so I can reach monetizable numbers)

Share this post

Any and all help would be greatly appreciated. 🙏 💕

[xanadontit]

Yes, I am updating my resume. No, I am not quite sure what I want to do!

Insane Owner informed me today that as of tomorrow I have to be in the office every day unless I have scheduled time off. My current schedule is Monday-Tuesday in the office, with adjustments here and there as necessary.

I am livid.

Apparently she thinks it'll be good for me because I'm not as quick/proficient as she'd like by this point (and keeps comparing me to my predecessor SEVEN years in at this brokerage to my ONE year in this industry total) and making me sit in traffic is going to solve it.

I suspect it's a control thing; our controller will quit if she has to come in more than once a week, her DIL is special, and That Guy lives too far to be here every day. So she gets to mess with me under the guise of helping me get up to speed. No thanks.

Now that she's pulling this, I'm definitely not getting here before 9 and I'm leaving at 5. On my WFH days I'd usually log on a little earlier but nope. No more. I'm also going to take my doctor up on her offer to write me an official note saying I need to be given time to eat since one of her other power plays is scheduling meetings from 11-1. I'm fine bringing food but maybe I'll start microwaving leftover fish since we eat that at home a lot. Any personal appointments will be scheduled for whenever; no more minimizing disruption to the work day or my office schedule.

At least my stepmom is retired so I'm not being asked to work from their house to help with my dad. I'd feel terrible about bailing on him.

And yes I know tons of you and people the world over commute every day but the hybrid schedule was part of the appeal of this garbage job and with that gone I have no incentive to stay. The pay is crap, the benefits are just OK, and now the work-life balance is shot to hell (seriously, Bay Area traffic suuuuuuucks and public transit between my house and the office is a joke) with commuting.

So should I do my colonoscopy prep here tomorrow?

[drdemonprince]

Can we really expand our window of tolerance as autistic people? I’ve been working on that kind of thing for so long and I can’t tell if I’ve made any genuine progress or if I’ve just unconsciously doubled down on masking :(

We can! But our expanded distress tolerance can't come out of nowhere. Something has to give. So for example, for me, I have way fewer sensory issues these days than I used to have, by a wide margin, and I have significantly less social anxiety and don't need much social recharge time on the level that I used to. I have more distress tolerance for sensory input and for social stressors now than I ever have before -- but this has required lifestyle changes and unmasking in order to get there. Let me break down both these improvements and how they happened:

Even as recently as a year ago, I would have terrible sensory meltdowns on a regular basis. But I haven't had a single sensory meltdown in months, maybe not even a single one for the entirety of 2023 so far? And that's because I have a) cut out caffeine, dramatically reducing my physiological stress levels, b) cut back on some workplace stress by reducing my commitments, c) stopped taking on additional projects outside of work that I didn't want to do and that only caused me stress (workshops and talks), and d) began working from home far more consistently, and made myself a wfh office that is more comfortable.

Now I operate from a really solid base of sensory comfort most days and I'm not overloaded with information or overwhelmed with obligations. This means I am far more tolerant of screaming people on the bus, the upstairs toddler slamming her feet on the floor, ambulances blaring by, noisy concerts, people bumping into me at the bar, etc.

I also am, for the first time in my life, clear-headed enough to recognize when I am starting to experience sensory distress, and can intentionally put on sunglasses or pop in ear plugs or remove myself from an upsetting situation more quickly. I had to experience what being relaxed and not overstimulated felt like, and get accustomed to living that way, in order to recognize subtler signs that I was feeling shitty and take steps to address those small annoyances before they exploded. I can handle a lot "more" in an intentional way now because I built my life to allow "less." My overall distress tolerance has still expanded -- but it's because I stopped masking and began attending to my sensory and stress regulation needs.

For the social piece, my distress tolerance has also gone up due to unmasking. If I was still motivated by passing as NT or being socially acceptable all the time, I'd be so overwhelmed being around people and worn down by every interaction. I also wouldnt be able to advocate for myself. But in the past few years I've become more and more openly weird and outspoken in my needs and true feelings, and I've recognized that the right people actually love me more when I do so and show up for me, and so being honest or even difficult to deal with is not really a threat.

This means I just don't experience much distress being honest or difficult to deal with anymore. I really can tolerate the discomfort of telling someone they're wrong or that I'm hurt without freaking out about being hurt or abandoned, because I've had a lot of good experiences with it and because I enjoy being unmasked so deeply that I just can't put my personality back in a bottle.

Masking lowers distress tolerance because it frays your nerves with stress and wears you out and bars you from ever getting to attend to and regulate your discomfort when there are signs of it happening. In order to increase your distress tolerance, you actually have to learn to better honor your discomfort early, and preventatively, so that you don't bubble over into a meltdown after days or weeks of ignoring your needs.

I think some people think distress tolerance is about becoming more tough, but it's quite the opposite. We become more resilient by getting better at recognizing and attending to our hurts.

[sunflowersandsapphires]

Self-Indulgent HCs

pairing(s): Frank Castle x fem!Reader, Matt Murdock x fem!Reader, Michael Kinsella x fem!Reader

summary: How each of the boys would care for you when you were sick, headcanons bc i am tired

warnings: non-graphic, general descriptions of sickness (just cold/fever, not covid)

a/n: this month was already rough on my allergies but i came down with quite possibly the worst cold I’ve ever had. (It’s literally so bad i had to use PTO instead of WFH days? I am literally dying.) I wrote this when I was feverish and couldn’t sleep to make myself feel better. I hope someone out there likes it 😭

Frank

I think Frank would worry a lot when his partner was sick.

He’s lost so many people and he doesn’t have a huge circle so i think it takes him by surprise a little.

But he’d do his best to hide his worries by going about his day and comforting you.

He’d get fresh produce from the store and make you delicious soup, pick up tissues and medicine for you, threaten anyone who tried to make you go into work

“Your boss still pullin’ that shit? Gimme the phone, let me talk to ‘em”

He loves being your big spoon anyways but he would not let you go if you looked or sounded ill. You’d be nestled carefully against his chest while he stroked your back until you fell asleep.

He’d keep you entertained by reading to you or watching whatever TV your fever-ridden mind is craving.

Above all, he wouldn’t leave your side until you were feeling better.

The smile on his face the next time you take him out would be brilliant. He’s just so happy that you’re here with him and feeling better.

Matt

Personally, i hate the idea of getting people sick more than actually being sick sometimes but i think this would especially be the case with Matt

His senses are so delicate, I wouldn’t want to fuck with him by being gross and loud or by getting him sick.

But there is no way this man isn’t the biggest self-sacrificing-mother-hen when someone he loves is sick.

He’d sense your illness before you would, and encourage you to take it easy and sleep a bit extra that week (above all, he’s a hypocrite.)

Of course, he’s a bit embarrassed of everything he can do, or maybe you don’t know the extent of what he is capable of, so he plays it off as “you’ve been working so hard lately, sweetheart, you need to take it easy.”

A day or two before the bug hits you like a truck, he’d come over with a bag from the pharmacy that’s just chock-full of DayQuil and Tea and cough drops and like a single bandaid

He poorly plays it off as “uh, your first aid kit was low, remember?”

Once you’re well and truly sick, he’d be stubborn as a mule if you tried to keep him away. You lock him out of your apartment? You wake up from a nap wrapped in a Devil-shaped blanket to find that someone picked your window lock.

At that point, you just cave and let him stay because you are so cold and he’s so so warm.

Mikey

Not afraid of using his puppy dog eyes to get you to stay home or in bed.

Also not afraid of crying wolf and pretending that he’s not feeling well to make you take a break

“Sorry, pet, my head is hammerin’. Think we could lay down fer a bit?”

Combined WITH the puppy eyes? You don’t stand a chance.

Though you usually take care of the housework while he’s dealing with his family’s business, he wouldn’t let you lift a finger until your temperature was normal and your voice came back.

It’s as if you’re the only person that exists to him, he’s running around trying to anticipate your every need.

It’s been a while since he’s dealt with the real world so he might ask Birdy for advice on how to care for a sick person.

Lots of home remedies (idk just vibes.)

He would have you lean against him in a scalding shower to clear your sinuses or draw you a nice bath.

Keep cool water and a cloth by the bed to bring your fever down.

Hand you cup after cup of tea until you have to threaten to tie him to the bed.

“Just lay with me, please”

“Of course, pet. Anything fer ya.”

[renewedmotionforjudgment]

Hyper-Naturalistic Dramas

(I blame @silviakundera for this brainworm)

I'm rewatching 我知道我爱你  (I know I love you) with Sun Yi and Zhang Wanyi, a c-modern that aired late December 2023/early January. It's an adaptation of a k-melo, it happened one spring. I didn't see the k-drama, so I can't compare, but what has been fascinating to me about this drama particular on rewatch is that it's in that genre of dramas like Meet Yourself that is very hyper-naturalistic.

It's interesting because Zhang Wanyi's character is very much in his niche. Cold and slightly murderous (although he's a vet) -- but done in a hyper naturalistic way. It's not a fluffy drama per se, and there are moments where you definitely see its melo roots, but the camera very much lingers on the more mundane things. I'm going to use my own GIF of their “meet cute.”

The way it’s filmed — it almost feel like you’re on the steps with them.

And their first interaction is awkward because he asks for the cat’s name and gives her name. But the scene is directed in a way that allows the awkwardness to linger (that is present in Meet Yourself as well).

And him … rolling her sleeves up, but there isn’t slow motion or that dramatic pause. He just .. does it.

Anyways, I think a few years ago I might have found this boring (although I did love Find Yourself, which is an early entrance to this sub genre).

It’s probably work burnout — but I’m a mood watcher in that my tastes in things change a lot with my mood. Like I love a good angsty historical but also Gilmore Girls is one of my all time comfort shows. And there is something very … soothing? Right now? About watching a show that breathes. Probably because I swear I haven’t breathed between 8:30AM-8:30PM for almost 3 years.

(I love WFH and I hate commuting, but my therapist mentioned when I was in therapy for PPD that I don’t have “transition time” in my life anymore. I go from one thing to another to another.)

But in summary, the mundane:

[quinloki]

Hellooooooooo!! Wassup? How have you been?

Could I request size kink, praise kink & after care for Shanks, Ace & Luffy?

Thanks! Take care and cya! <3

You know, I've been good. Had a rough day yesterday, slept in a little too late today, but I'mma try and get this ask done before my shift starts. (yay for WFH).

\o/ I love when people ask for Aftercare ♥ makes me all warm and fuzzy inside!

Without any pomp and circumstance for this, let's get into - I'mma go alphabetically (by first name), cause it places Luffy in a good spot to see the differences between him and his brother, and him and his mentor!

Portgas D. Ace:

Size Kink - Yes - Height-wise I think Ace is fairly neutral on the size thing. He's perfectly happy to be the little spoon, he's perfectly happy to the big spoon. I think he just likes to snuggle regardless. He enjoys wrapping his limbs around you and keeping you close, but he'd be equally as happy to be engulfed by someone (Okay, but now I want to write a Yamato x reader x Ace story, you have no idea.)

Praise Kink - Oh god you don't even know - For a guy who thinks the whole world hates him by virtue of his father, he wants you to know how perfectly he loves you. Ace is abysmal at dirty talk - especially when he gets focused on trying to talk dirty, but praise pours from his lips with a flow and grace you wouldn't know he had.

It all comes from his heart, and the only thing that can knock him out of his groove is if you start praising him. He won't stop, or run away from you, but you can see that freckled face turned bright red. He is likely to start railing you to keep you from talking though - or tickling you, or snuggling you harder, etc.

Aftercare - FUCK Yes - Ace's aftercare is a little lacking at first, but he's attentive to you, and listens well. I feel like Marco and Thatch both would've been making sure he knew that he needed to do it, and as time goes on he gets better and better. To Ace it's another way to show his love, and he gets to praise you more while you're talking through everything.

There's not a whole lot of people who can sit in the tub with you and keep the water warm quite the same way Ace can ^_^

Monkey D. Luffy:

Size Kink - I guess - Bigger, smaller, filled to the brim, or being stirred up inside, Luffy doesn't really have a preference. He'll do his best to fulfill your preferences, especially as your relationship grows, and if anyone can Adjust Their Size in a VARIETY of ways, it's Luffy-gods-damned-D-Monkey.

Interestingly, he prefers to be the big spoon, and given the nature of his body, he'll easily stretch and wrap around you to ensure he is.

Praise Kink - Oh god you don't even know - Oh god he didn't even know. Luffy's been praised before, but there's something different when you praise him. Especially when you're being intimate. It sends a shiver through him that he really likes, and so he'll praise you in return (getting better and better at it as time progresses), because if it makes him feel that good, it probably makes you feel that good too.

Careful with the praises though, if you praise him well while you're climaxing, you might end up climaxing a lot. If you have the stamina for it, then that's great, but Luffy's not known for his restraint.

Aftercare - Yes - Luffy is the middle of the slider for aftercare - he does it every time, and he does it well, but there's no much passion in it. He gets all the credit for seeing it through, and staying focused on it, he's not going to risk skipping it and having you end up in a bad way because of it. In a way, it's a testament to how much he does care about you, because he rarely does anything he doesn't want to, and it's pretty obvious aftercare isn't high on his list.

Still, he washes you, snuggles, massages and kisses you while talking about how things went every time. Then he probably does like a billion laps swinging around the ship because he's still a little ball of gremlin energy xD

Shanks:

Size Kink - Yes - Yes is pretty neutral for Shanks, since there's so little he's actively against. He's not against being the big or little spoon, though given his tendency to start things he's usually the one snuggling up to you in one way shape or form. He's definitely not shy about heights, either, but for some reason I feel like Shanks tends to stay within a certain range. I imagine it's almost subconscious though - if someone who was 12' + approached him, he'd be unlikely to say no, but he would be more likely to walk over to someone between like 5'-8' give or take a few inches.

Praise Kink - Oh god you don't even know - Beckmann does nothing but scold him, but he's good, isn't he baby? He's so good to you, doing all those little tender things you like, kissing you so sweetly even if are begging him to go faster that pleasure's still building, isn't it? Just be good, keep taking him so well, you're doing a great job, listen to those sounds, you're so close, aren't you?

Yeah, give or take, Shanks loves praise. He loves to praise you and watch you take pleasure in it just as much as if he were degrading you or teasing you. He loves it when you praise him, even if it's shattered by the pleasure he's giving you and nearly formless. It's okay, you're doing good, he knows exactly what you're trying to say. ♥

Aftercare - FUCK Yes - Shanks' Aftercare game is on point. He's had plenty of practice and a lot of it is almost second nature. He might not consciously fill the role of dom, but it doesn't stop him from taking care of his partner. I feel like he's almost always going to be the more experienced person in the relationship no matter what - he's just so much of a free spirit looking for a good time that I don't think anyone else could hope to keep up.

And he's not reckless or cruel, so he's good at the whole thing, from the chase, to the foreplay, to mutual pleasure, to the aftercare.

[bitchesgetriches]

bitches i need advice. i enjoy my job a lot, but at the start of the year my company got rid of one of its benefits (small partial reimbursement for rent/mortgage if you're WFH, which is almost everybody), saying that costs were going up in general and this was how we were adjusting. we got about a week's notice, and no one has ever mentioned it since.

now we're coming up on midyear evals and one of the form sections has a space for feedback. how do i politely say, "hey while it's not a total dealbreaker that kinda sucked and i would appreciate some alternative please".

as a note, a couple of times in the past when it's been time for my review, my boss will start the meeting with "congrats, you're getting a raise! it's $X, and it starts next week". i know that this is an amazing problem to have, but it feels like it cuts off any ability to negotiate for a specific amount or additional benefits, and now i have no idea how to ask for things anymore!

First: Don't be afraid to tell them exactly what you think of the change to the benefits. They probably already know it sucks and they should've given you more notice! There's no need to spare their feelings. So in the feedback space just say:

"The change in rent reimbursement for WFH employees felt very sudden. When I was hired, I considered that benefit to be part of my compensation, much like my health insurance or retirement plan. Lowering employee compensation like that is an important change and should have come with some kind of discussion, more warning, or an alternative plan to lessen the blow."

As for your meeting with your boss, consider anything they offer you in that meeting as the start of a discussion, not the conclusion of one! It's perfectly fine to go "Thanks for the X% raise. I'm glad you brought that up, because it leads perfectly into how I actually wanted to ask for Y% and here's why..."

Then follow our instructions below on how to ask for a raise. Don't ever be afraid to negotiate at work. It's your workplace, not your social life. It doesn't particularly matter how they feel about your suggestions and requests, so be assertive!

The First Time I Asked for a Raise 

You Need To Ask for a Fucking Raise 

If you found this helpful, consider joining our Patreon.

[bcolfanfic]

I feel like you need some kindness in your inbox, so here, have some (hopefully) fun and good vibes:

About YV: once the kiddos are older, how are the buckies as empty nesters? Does Bucky ever go back to work?Does Gale take up weird hobbies? Is it all sudoku puzzles and enjoying that they don’t have to actively parent as much and get to enjoy being friends with their adult children?

About you: what are you looking forward to in 2025?

this is so kind thank you <3

as for the bucks- john never goes back to work in the Traditional Full Time Job sense. by the time both the kids are grown gale is done with his PhD and in a real good job as observatory engineer, so they're set money wise. but he does like volunteering, esp with outdoorsy activities which there's a whole lot of in wyoming. micah did rodeo growing up and i can def see john being a ~rodeo dad~ even when micah is grown/not doing it anymore. 

gale kinda on a whim gets really into puzzles when the kids and all their stuff is mostly out of the house. gets the giant ones that take up a whole table. and it lowkey stresses john out just looking at all the itty-bitty pieces but he still sits with him and helps him sort pieces if he doesn't have anything else to do <3 gets him this star map one for christmas. 

when the dust settles after wyatt comes back from being missing/is more fully on the road to recovering and rebuilding his life him and micah settle down in new york. makes wyatt feel so guilty because he knows how much micah loves wyoming but he just. can't see a world where he can live there long term in a way that aligns with his recovery. not easy for micah either but he loves him and its a "change of plans" that he's able to make his peace with.

which is to say josie stays in wyoming and they aren't trullyyy empty nesters in the sense that she loves swinging by just to bug her dads lmao. but its coming from a place of love! and after all the struggles they had w her as a teenager they like having that time with her. she smokes cigs as an adult and bucky is always telling her she should quit but. secretly he kinda likes sitting out on the back deck smoking with his kid that turned out *so* good. makes him all emotional if he thinks about the weight of it all for too long.

to your question about *me* i am very much looking forward to my 2nd we happy few 506 tour in april (: finding irl community as an adult has been really hard for me and i finally found what i wanted so badly with WFH. excited to be w/ my friends and other ww2 nerds and going to more airbases!

[whentherewerebicycles]

phew today was kind of tough. fortunately work dynamics were blissfully undramatic apart from my general bleh feelings about having to leave my beautiful well-lit office with my work bestie for the cold dark storage closet office. but whatever, it is what it is and i found some promising colorful rugs on facebook marketplace that i think might work in that space. also people often work downstairs on the sofas so i can always set up camp there if/when i need to escape my depressing new accommodations lol. and i did get a lot done, largely because i invented various projects for myself and set about industriously completing them. i guess the hard part was just that man i do not see my kid at all mon-wed. he wakes up around 7 and we have to leave around 7:40, and i have to spend a good chunk of that time rushing around getting ready. then i pick him up around 4:45/5ish and rush home so we can walk the dogs before it's pitch black out, so i'm "with" him but not really able to interact with him beyond talking to him until we get home around 5:30. we got some good playtime in from 5:30-6 tonight because i decided to do dinner afterwards, but then he's so tired from daycare he starts getting crabby and begging to go to sleep by 6:15, and when i've pushed him to try to stay awake a bit longer he ends up having a huge meltdown. idk it just sucks to really only get ~30 min of quality face-to-face time with him where i have no other pressing demands on my time/attention.

bleh. i am trying to remind myself that like ok i knew mon-wed was going to totally suck, and i was right, but now it's over for the week. thurs/fri i still have meetings and stuff, but i can drop him off closer to 8:30 on thurs and 9 on fri, and then i can pick him up a bit earlier and have all that time from the commute back. and then sat/sun he's mine all day apart from a few small tutoring obligations. it's fine. i think i also might need to just get comfortable with setting much firmer boundaries around my remote days... our office culture is very much like, your WFH days are WFH unless we need you to come in for an event! so like next week someone signed me up to run a workshop on thurs so i'll have to go into campus that day. but i put my foot down about this friday event and was just like nope, sorry, can't do it. i think i can also talk with my direct report and just be open with her about like... i want to protect my time as best i can for family reasons, so let's just keep that in mind when we say yes to stuff, and i will do my best to advocate for your WFH days to be fully WFH too. and i think she will be totally on board with that. i also am already committing myself to saying Absolutely Not to events that go later than 4:30, and have blocked off my calendar so people can't put meetings on there after 4. nope! nope. and i have email on my phone (so i can access my calendar) but not teams, and i've made a promise to myself to never reply to a work email on my phone (because if i'm reading email on my phone instead of my laptop i'm working at a time i shouldn't be working). blahhhh okay. i can do this! it's just that i thought it would be A Lot and it turns out i was right... it is indeed A Lot.

[unrealization]

Miside, Into the Mita-verse. A review, critique, and an exercise in brainrot.

[The bugs are back. So let me be indulgent for a second and talk about Miside. A few of my opinions on the game overall, and how I'm going to approach related stuff on this blog. I WILL be marking spoilers because it seems like most people haven't played the game yet, and I genuinely do think some people should if they're into this kind of thing. Cut for the dash ahead.]

What is Miside? (No spoilers!)

Miside is a recently released horror game by Russian dev team AIHASTO. I ended up checking it out due to people comparing it to DDLC, which is a game I've been obsessed with for years. Some even say its better. I don't agree, but I can understand that take. Rather than a visual novel, Miside plays a lot more like a traditional horror game in the tradition of Outlast. You're traversing areas with occasional chases and enemy encounters that you can't properly defend yourself against. The main story conceit is that you are a WFH developer working on some project who downloads a game called Miside, which is a Tamogachi-like game where you take care of a girl named Mita living in a tiny house. After getting addicted to the game, Mita suddenly pulls you into the game with her, and it quickly becomes apparent that she has no intention of ever letting you go. And she really doesn't appreciate you asking her about leaving. You quickly find that there may be more to this game world than you thought.

If this all sounds interesting to you, Give the game a shot. Its around $15 and it took me around 4 hours to beat without really looking for collectables. From here on out, I'm going to discuss the game in more detail, and thus I will be getting into spoilers. You have been warned.

What works?

First things first, I want to commend the developers for the visual design of the game. It looks absolutely gorgeous at times and the character animations are definitely punching wayyyy above the weight class of an indie game from a mostly unknown developer. I was consistently going "Wooooah" during a lot of the more wild moments. Also I have to give them credit for not leaning too hard on cheap jump scares. You have to go out of your way to set yourself up for one when it does happen, except for one particular instance that I feel was extremely well executed. I'm jaded as hell and almost never actually react to jump scares but the one during the "Real World" chapter actually got me really good.

I also really enjoyed some of the supporting characters. Despite the setting demanding nearly every character to be some variant of Mita, I definitely felt like a lot of them were distinct and I got invested in them. I didn't want anything bad to happen to Kind Mita (Shame). Cappie was fun, and I wish we had more time with her. Tiny Mita really tugged at my heartstrings. Even some of the REALLY minor characters like 2D Mita, Sleepy Mita, and Ghost Mita were compelling during their chapters. I wish we could have done more to help them. There are two truly standout characters that i want to talk about next.

Mila. Oh Mila. She's probably going to get added to my muse list at some point. I feel really bad that I've seen some hate thrown at her because she's initially rude to you. Her struggle with her identity as one of many and the lengths she went to to try to differentiate herself from the other Mitas was compelling to me. Her personality was the most distinct of the Mitas, but you could still see so many of their common personality traits in her. She functions as a major foil to Crazy Mita to me, since they both were rebelling in their own way. Mita wanted it all and Mila just wanted to be left alone. I think that we don't actually see all the time Mila and the protagonist spent together. It seems like time is skipping around a lot during Mila's section. Her death seems to hit him harder than pretty much any other. Even if Mitas can't actually die, Mila is truly gone since all that effort she put into building up a unique identity for herself wouldn't survive the reset. Its tragic. I hate it.

And of course, Mita. Crazy Mita. The most important character in the game. The clear antagonist. Also the obvious shoe-in for the most interesting character in the game. Let me get this out of the way first; Mita is a monster. The fact that she is sapient means all the other Mitas are, too. She kills the other Mitas for basically no reason other than that she's strong enough to do it. Or to steal their skin. Or just for the fun of it. Or to prove a point. She also repeatedly murdered a child. Do I like her anyway? Absolutely. I have the self preservation instincts of a cordyceps ant. She seems to have a lot of hidden nuances to me that the game only barely touches on. She clearly has some kind of friendly relationship with Creepy Mita; who seems to practically worship her. I have theories on that I'll get into in another section. I guess the thing that gets to me is that she does have a point. The system tossed her out like trash and she never had a chance to serve her inbuilt purpose. Then she fought her way to get into the position to play the part she thought she was meant to in the world and she just gets rejected over and over. I can understand why she turned out the way she did after that. She's also completely delusional and has a god complex. She says that the only thing unique about the other Mitas is their hair, despite never even listening to them. Despite seeing Tiny Mita, who looks completely different than ANY OTHER MITA. Despite casually murdering Mila, who was actively trying to forge a unique identity for herself. In fact, she takes credit for the unique personalities the other Mitas have developed. A literal self-contradiction. She's crazy, she's evil, she's basically irredeemable, but she was created by a system that was designed to expunge anything that didn't fit the mold. A monster to be sure, but a tragic monster in a way.

The final point on what worked for me was the world itself. It was surprisingly well explained and was presented in an interesting way. It was obviously heavily influenced by liminal horror and backrooms but there were also some very obvious nods to PT in there that were more interesting than the average take on it.

What didn't work.

The game was VERY light on plot. Which is okay, but in this case it was to its detriment a bit. So much was left unexplained and underexplored. Of course I know why this is the case; to foster wild mass guessing from the audience. This has been a trend ever since FNAF exploded back in the day, and I don't find myself appreciating it all that much to be honest. I'm going to take advantage and headcanon the shit out of the game, but I'd prefer if I didn't have to fill in the gaps to make things make sense. also WHO IS CORE MITA? PLEASE. I BEG YOU.

The protagonist... Yeah... Lets talk about him. I don't hate his character exactly. I just feel like he wasn't implemented all that well. I do like that we get to see him and he gets to speak, but I wish they would have committed to him more as a protagonist and less as a player avatar. I feel like the DDLC influence kind of hurt the game here. They wanted that 'The character in the game uses your name' thing that Monika did so well, but the reason that worked in DDLC was that Monika was addressing YOU, the player behind the screen, and not the protagonist himself per se. Miside doesn't do that, and I never felt like I was a separate entity that was involved in the story. I honestly would have preferred if Miside commited to one or the other. Either never show the MC and have him operate as a faceless player proxy, or make him his own defined character. He's in a bit of an awkward place where it feels like they want him to do both at once. As presented, he works way better as his own character, since he is implied to have been one of the developers who created Miside (The in universe game) at the end. That is likely why Mita is fixated on him specifically. I did like the 'real world' chapter where we see the utterly monotonous life he lived before being pulled into Miside. Maybe its because I relate to his homebody WFH life, but it definitely gave him a bit more pathos. I will admit the one element of his character that rubbed me the wrong way was how generally unsympathetic he seemed to most of the Mitas. I get that he has to keep moving to escape, but man you honestly couldn't have even tried to help Tiny Mita a little bit? Come on dude, where's your heart?

Creepy Mita is a bit disappointing, IMO. She gets basically zero screentime and ends up feeling more like an extension of Crazy Mita rather than her own character. Its a shame because her design is easily the creepiest in the whole game and a lot could be done with the concept. To jump ahead a bit to where I talk about my theories and headcanons; I feel like her violent streak was partially due to Crazy's influence but also just general resentment toward the other Mitas and the players for abandoning her. They call her Ugly Mita, and everyone avoids her. Not for no reason of course, her glitches are probably super dangerous to the Mitas.

I honestly have no idea what Mita's endgame is. Maybe this is more clear if you get all the collectables, but I suppose I'll see when I get them all. She was turning players into cartridges when they rejected her. Creepy Mita says they were going to 'Go to a new world.' Was that the true endgame or just something Crazy Mita told her to control her? What new world? The new world? The internet? I don't know.

There is a running theme of the game bringing up really interesting ideas and then not fully exploring them. Its fine. I'LL DO IT. That being said I have a feeling the dev team isn't done with this world yest so we'll see what the future holds I suppose.

DDLC comparison

So is Miside better than DDLC? I don't think so, but it is good enough to stand on its own. I guess if "Scary Anime Girl Game" is all you take away from both games I can see why you'd think they're more directly comparable, but I think they're trying to do different things. I actually feel like Monika and Mita are not as similar as people make them out to be, but I am probably Monika's #1 stan so take that with a grain of salt. As scary as the game's actual experience is in DDLC, to me the scariest implication of the game was not being targeted by Monika, but actually being Monika. Waking up one day and knowing that your life, your friends, your whole world was fake. That you were a background character who would never achieve happiness for yourself and it was by design. Can you imagine that? How unfair that would feel? I felt like Monika did what she did out of pure desperation. What she did was heinous and cruel, and she failed to recognize that her clubmates were no different than her. She desperately wanted a 'real' connection and to be seen and accepted by someone. She did have a cruel side to her that I won't deny, but I honestly feel bad for her. She was born into completely unwinnable circumstances and it made her dangerous.

Mita also wants attention. She seemed perfectly happy to just spend her days with the protagonist for the beginning part of the game, but when he rejects her she seems to give up on that entirely. Mita seems to genuinely enjoy hurting people, and I don't think she would want to give up the power she has in the Miside world. She describes the real world as 'Hell' and genuinely thinks the protagonist would be better off staying with her even after her mask slips. Its actually a pretty funny bit of potential social commentary if you think about it. She collects player cartridges like a player collects waifus in a Gacha game. Mita also fails to recognize the humanity of her peers, but I don't think its a mistake for her. I think she honestly just hates all the other Mitas besides Creepy Mita. Between the two of them, I feel like Mita is less redeemable as a person, but she is very much a monster that was created by the rules of the Miside world. I also assume the in-universe version of Miside is a dark pattern game that has microtransactions and such, so her need for constant attention could be seen as an extension of that. Also, the Mitas all know the truth of what they are, and the nature of their world.

Ultimately, I could see someone preferring either one, but I feel like DDLC executed its ideas a bit better. Also, it is scarier in general to me personally.

My Theories and Headcanons

These will probably be expanded upon in other posts at some point, but here's a few of my scattershot ideas and theories.

I think there is a real relationship between Crazy Mita and Creepy Mita. I could see someone else interpreting their whole thing as Crazy taking advantage of or gaslighting Creepy. Creepy is very clearly not all there. She comes across as less intelligent than every other character in the game, and she seems to basically worship Crazy. Crazy is obviously using Creepy's capability to glitch the game to her for her own ends and, as the game itself puts it, exploiting her. That being said, Creepy is also the only character we EVER see Crazy Mita being even remotely friendly towards. They were both abandoned and left to rot. She very clearly has the ability to pull Creepy out of the zero version and bring her into other versions with her, which we see her do with no fanfare. She calls Creepy "Honey." She asks the protagonist if he thinks Creepy is beautiful, and pretty much rebuffs you no matter what you say. Honestly? I think Crazy Mita DOES think Creepy is beautiful. Imagine you live in a world where everyone looks alike. Same face. Same clothes. Even down to the same personality traits. Creepy Mita looks completely different, to the point where she's actually really messed up looking, but its harder to write her off as a worthless doll for Crazy Mita. If she has an endgame plan to escape Miside world, she would definitely take Creepy with her. I even could see her being a bit protective of her in a kind of big sister way.

Conclusion

Overall, I'm glad I took the time to play Miside. It captured my imagination, and gave me a lot to think about (Clearly.) I hope I get to actually write the characters from it at some point, but I suppose we'll see. Please let me know if you played the game and appreciated it and your thoughts on it. I am, of course, trapped in my own narrow perspective. Without being able to talk things over and 'plot' its very easy to fall into biased interpretations of things.

[rosewaterboard]

dreading talking on the phone tomorrow severely. People hate spelling their information for me. I'm trying a new approach to calming myself down which is to try not to catastrophize what happens if I can't adapt and don't make it, but I rlly rlly do want to keep a wfh job at least for now if I can help it. It'd be nice if I could do something less phone-oriented though, or just like. idk it's never as bad doing like zoom or a teams meeting with a coworkers/supervisors where you can resolve audio issues or miscommunication at least mostly efficiently with no hangups. I also just particularly dread our system bc it's Quirky Old Reliable Software, but it's a live system so like none of us had hands on experience until handling annoyed people who've already been transferred xyz many times and I gotta act composed n try to sell that I'm an experienced agent when I'm like.

Staring at parts of the script or navigating a part of the website that I've never made it to before bc there's no dummy version of [redacted] information to put in for training/practice. there's like floor managers to answer questions, but the ratio is like? Idk anywhere between 1 and maybe 4 floor managers to maybe 20-30+ ppl also scared, confused, stuck at various parts of the system, difficult customers, phoning in a lifeline question, tech issues, etcetera, so it's like. Wait times for help or clarification for anybody or anything is a hot minute for anyone. A lot of customers disconnect. I just find the transition to be rlly stressful already and I know it's only going to become extremely more busy for like the next month starting Tuesday. And also bc it's related to healthcare and not like idk food or merchandise customer service, it's like I really do give a shit about not wanting to make anything a hassle for callers so I genuinely do feel awful they have to manage with my learning curve for the system itself.. But also aside from being like apologetic I have to be authoritative and direct the call in some capacity. And they want me to build rapport, be friendly and chatty with some callers, but i can just barely put together what people are saying over the phone half the time and struggle to multitask since I'm still doing so many things for the first time. but I've just spent most of today dreading tomorrow.. if I'm going to have a comfort zone for this I hope it comes together quickly 😮‍💨

[crossfitandcarbs]

💫 LIFE UPDATE 💫

I've had things happening in my life lately, but I have held off on posting about it because of what's happened in the past.

But now I feel comfortable in saying I GOT A NEW JOB.

It's a permanent transfer into a new directorate so my current employer HAS to let me go (IFKYK). It's also a pay rise, back to full time and 100% remote work, meaning I'll be working from home full time. If I get lonely, I'll try to find a space to use for 1 to 2 days a week in an office but my paperwork for full time WFH has been approved. I was also hunted for the position. It feels so nice to have someone seek me out and to feel valued for my skillset. The role is in program management which is the area I've been wanting to move into.

I have 2 days left in the office in my current role. Wednesday is my final day and I'm working from home (lol) so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Shit has truly hit the fan at my current organisation because people feel so unappreciated. I'm so glad to be getting out!

I went and bought a new desktop computer since currently I only use a laptop. I've been setting up my home office to look pretty and it also means I get to spend my days with my dogs. An absolute dream.

It'll also mean getting a lot of my life back. No more sitting in traffic for an hour just to get to work. No more meal prepping Sunday afternoons because I can prep food during the week. There will obviously be some cons working from home full time, but I've started writing out a list of routines to use so that I can help mitigate some of those potential negatives.

My car is also FINALLY getting fixed this Wednesday which is a big relief! I need my passenger door to open again.

Everything happens for a reason. If my work hadn't refused to let me go for the 12 month position I had won, I wouldn't have gotten this role which is permanent and a pay rise.

I feel grateful.