#I have a feeling that my thought getting jumbled

[cutiefulism]

cw — pussy eating, pet names, caleb is a german shepard, uhhh idk what this is. soft sex soon guys pls 😓😓 fluff here n another smut here!

puppydog!caleb who begssss for a taste :(

“c-c’mon, pips, honey, baby, please? jus’ one time, and then i’ll leave you alone, i swear.”

and he looks so pathetic there, too — big, violet eyes peering up at you from between your legs, tail thumping on the rug behind him, furry ears pinned flat against his dark brown hair.

you’ve always been a sucker for cute things. how could you say no to a face like that?

a sigh blows past your pretty lips, and you roll your eyes. “okay, okay, fine.”

and caleb beams, ears perking up and tail swishing. “thank you, sweetness. i’ll be so good, i promise.”

oh, but you should’ve known caleb was lying.

because, i mean, get real. did you seriously expect him to stop after one orgasm?

he hasn’t been between those plush thighs in weeks, hasn’t felt them practically crushing his skull and jumbling his thoughts. it’s criminal to deprive him like this — call it animal neglect.

two big hands keep your legs spread apart and that delicious pussy on display for him. it’s so beautiful — he’s never seen one better.

well, he’s never seen one at all, save for the occasional porn video, but that doesn’t really count, does it? and he spent more of that time imagining it was yours rather than the girl on screen.

he’s snatched from his thoughts when you tug on his hair, pulling his face closer to that sopping mess, even as you whine for him to stop.

“c-caleb, you said just — fuck! — o-one.”

. . did he?

whoops.

a throaty chuckle reverberates against your poor labia, sending vibrations right up to your puffy clit, and you choke on a moan. “i meant one session, pipsqueak.” slurp. “‘s not my fault if ya took it wrong.”

your nails dig into his scalp, like you’re punishing him, and caleb barely stifles a whimper, his cock giving a nice twitch and a spurt of pre cum to add to the already massive stain in his briefs.

“no, you didn’t! you— ngh . . liar.”

his grin only grows wider.

you can call him whatever you want. he’ll let you call him a liar for the rest of his damn life if it means you’ll keep letting him touch you like this.

after all, what’s a few harsh, empty protests from you when caleb really knows how you feel?

how your cunt clenches down around his tongue, which you swear has gotten longer since the start of his little predicament, how your thighs squeeze and tremble around his head, greedily holding him in place, the way your moans grow more wanton and feverish in pitch . .

he’s going to get you to cum again.

when does he not?

“give it t’me, honey, thaaat’s it,” he coos, and that praise goes right to your head (and your pussy!).

you really don’t know how caleb got so good at this. he says he hasn’t been with anyone else, and you believe him, but . .

oh, there is no way he can be this good at pussy eating and you two have only done so occasionally.

but who are you to complain? he’s always been skilled, practically a natural at everything. this shouldn’t (and isn’t) an exception.

“ohh, i’m gonna cum—” you keen, back curving into the most delicious arch, and caleb only picks up his pace, licking and sucking, devouring every centimeter of your pussy he can.

he’s a man-dog starved, and you are the only thing that can satisfy him.

his lips latch onto your clit, sucking and thick tongue swirling while his fingers release your thigh and gather up a lewd mixture of his spit and your essence so that he can plunge two inside far enough to curl right at that spongey spot.

and you fall.

swollen lips parted in a silent ‘O’, one hand fisting the sheets while the other yanks at his hair. your legs quiver at each side of his head, and your hips should be too tired to even move, but they’re bucking into his face, grinding up like you’re trying to suffocate him.

though, in caleb’s opinion, this isn’t a bad way to go out. one of the best ways, actually.

he only pulls his face back when he’s positively sure you’re done, and he licks his lips. tasty.

he shifts up, so that he can see that fucked-out expression, eyes glassy and face flushed. “you’re so pretty,” he murmurs, and a hand comes up to push your hair back so he can lavish your face in kisses and licks.

“my pretty, pretty girl.”

you let out a tiny whine that breaks off into a yawn, and caleb’s smile softens. “yer pretty, too,” you mumble.

he snorts. “you’re prettier.”

your brows draw together. “nuh-uh.”

“yuh-huh.”

“nuh-uh!”

a thick finger flicks your forehead. “go to bed, pipsqueak.”

pregnant sex w puppy!caleb soon perchance.. also i might start back doing gradients but idk 🪫 ts kinda hard

[mihii-i]

Pookie come here I have the greatest oneshot request idea known to women kind

Y’a know those edits where it’s a wlw Genshin ship with their Honkai look-alikes but in one of the games they’re tragic and in the other they’re happy? Imagine that but with Arlecchino and her Harbinger reader 🤭

Like imagine Pierro asks Arlecchino for help with some weird mission or smth that involves looking into other universes and then boom she sees the most heartbreaking angsty yuri plot but it’s literally just herself and the woman she’d die for

Even better if they kill each other or smth silly like that

Comfort ending tho pretty please 🙏🏻 (not for the other Arle and reader tho PFFT- so like bittersweet I think? Idk up to you pookie)

your wish is yours to keep.

CW: sfw, female reader, heavy angst, blood, war, violence, mostly from arlecchino’s pov, wlw, harbinger reader, mentions of death, yes reader fucking dies again, tragedy, I’m very evil kitty writing this, wife for both arle and reader, arlecchino actually crying omg, arle’s real name used yk the drill, fluffy at the end, guys I love writing sfw more than nsfw is that obvious, I am not feeling freaky deaky my apologies for the nsfw likers that didn’t get much detail on my recent nsfw fics, yum yum angst, my fave thing to write is angst, not proofread.

Pairings: arlecchino x fem!reader

A/N: it’s been a WHILE since I’ve written for arlecchino and honestly I miss herrrr so I’d also like to apologize for the requests that marinated in my ask box for too long because IM SO SORRY I HAVE LIKE 40 but nevertheless I hope those who were older followers and miss my arle content get fed <3 🕯️

Peculiar.

Peculiar was the only word to describe the circumstances in which Arlecchino found herself at the foot of an unending hall, the bellowing noise of her heels hitting the polished marble lingering like a frozen demand that thumped in rhythm with her heart upon each step forward toward Pierro. Everything in the hall remained frozen over in heavy blankets of snow, clouding the area in a heaping white embrace to accompany the stings of frigid air assaulting her.

The gentle scrape of another figure’s feet descending onto the marble followed Arlecchino’s painstakingly slow pace, your own rustling coat, which matched that of the fourth harbinger’s, draped over you in a thick fluff of black fur outlining the back of your neck. Alongside the white silk falling over the rest of your body, center held together at your torso as the metal of the signature Fatui crest peeking from behind the grayish lapels of your coat.

You couldn’t exactly pinpoint when or why you had taken the position as the sixth harbinger, every time you attempted to recall any coronation of sorts, you could only piece together a blur of jumbled words. As if your memory had been twisted. From what you could at the very least remember, the position of the sixth harbinger had been an empty slot, waiting for a worthy member to slip into the voided imbalance of power within the Fatui.

Arlecchino’s coat shifted uncomfortably as she masked her arms adjusting into a firm front before Pierro, the gleaming crosses on her eyes fixed on the Jester in a deathly silence. Pierro’s singular visible eye bore into the harbinger with what seemed to be a weight of intense scrutiny, icy tones of blue beholding a negative energy you couldn’t quite put your finger on. Worry? Hate? Judgement?

“Ah. The Knave and her wife.” Pierro finally shattered the silence with his flattened tone, taking in a breath to ease himself as he reclined his back to the tall chair towering behind him. Resting his chin on his knuckles as blond streaks of his goatee leaned along the dark glove, he attempted to strike out his usual firm and authoritative tone, all the while maintaining some sort of professionalism in his criticism.

“Arlecchino, I thought we agreed that this task would involve you alone. Not the sixth harbinger as company.”

She furrowed her brows, biting her tongue through her closed blood red lips.

“I didn’t see why I couldn’t. She’s not too far off in the ranks. The circumstances should be suitable for her to come along with me.”

“They’re not. I can assure you that much, Knave.”

His hand that presided beneath his chin slid forward along the circular table, expression staring daggers into his two subordinates stood in a disgustingly close space. Pierro’s coat sleeve brushed along the pearly white of the stone table, biting back the exasperated sigh he so desperately wanted to heave out at the sheer foolishness of what Arlecchino thought she could get away with. She couldn’t be attached to you. Not for this.

“Listen. This mission isn’t meant for two people. Nor does it mean that you can handle it through your physical strength alone.

The Jester’s gaze snapped over to you, even through his eyepiece, that intimadation digging in to seal your airways, freeze every drop of blood coursing through your veins with his commands was nothing short of the Fatui director’s abilities. Shrinking back in compliance, you headed back into the shadowy fogs of the corridor’s entrance, tense with each step back as you could practically feel his eyes on you with every waking moment, scanning every little step you took until the gates parted into the deep cold.

Parting her lips to breathe out a sigh, Arlecchino slumped down into the cushions of the fashionably crafted seats below her, elbows resting along the rugged stone as her nails drew out a few high pitched clinks with each tap like porcelain. Her seat was directly across from Pierro’s on opposing sides, as if the gravity of the situation she remained shrouded in the dark about kept itself as a wavering reminder of fear in the depths of the unknown.

“Are you prepared, Knave?”

Despite the openly austere front he had walled up to drive you out of the hall, his words tinged with a speck of concern in regards to Arlecchino, attempting to solidify his decision in what she would see for the sake of such a simple, yet difficult mission to dive through. In fact, it was clear that although what she was tasked with was no harder than asking a toddler to go count flower petals.

Yet the seemingly effortless and straightforward task of peeping into different universes to gather a solid probability of the Fatui gaining all seven gnoses came with a mind breaking cost. One of which would freeze the stone cold Knave herself in the sights of a full new level of hell she would have to trudge through.

Pierro- no, everyone at this point was well aware of the inseparable nature of yours and Arlecchino’s relationship. Her unyielding nature barring a sturdy wall of protection that surrounded you under any condition that called for it, a rather oddly new trait that was invoked by your presence from the otherwise ‘heartless’ harbinger.

It was fairly surprising whenever Arlecchino was cooped up beside you within the comforting confines of your shared home, snuggled up with you on her chest as one or the other scanned their eyes across the thick sheets of a book, while a steaming cup of tea sat on the glass table sat in front of the sofa. Any other member would assume she had business to take care of that involved some sort of violent slash, when it reality, it was nothing but cuddling up to her wife on the couch.

No matter what, the surging depth of Arlecchino’s bond could stun even the highest of the harbingers. As such a pure, profound budding flower of love that arose from the stems of your chests was utterly impossible in the ugly nature of this mortal realm. Yet it was quite beautiful to witness, much less ponder upon, how two people’s souls were so deeply entangled within one another to where they remained true to themselves, yet attached to the other in a way to which they became complete.

Neither you, nor Arlecchino would doubt that the two of you would remain together across every universe in the endless stream of possibilities, to which a physical manifestation of your love could swim around in rather than drown in the never ending sea.

“Arlecchino. I must warn you to just..mentally prepare yourself for what you’re about to see. All I can say is..it’s not pleasant.”

“I can handle it.”

“I’m not sure that would be true.”

She scoffed at his words, lowering her eyes as a frown crossed her features.

“Do you believe I’m weak, Jester? I’ve handled worse before.”

“It’s not that. This isn’t a matter of whether your body is strong or durable enough. In fact, it’s if your mind can handle seeing your worst fear over and over.”

He paused, resuming his words to provide information regarding her multiversal travel.

“You can’t interact with anything you see. Nor can they see you. You are merely a spectator…a ghost of sorts.”

“Hm. Does the method of transportation have something to do with Irminsul?”

“Not exactly. Although there may be a different version of Irminsul than the one you know in our Teyvat.” Pierro inhaled, pondering the most ideal way to phrase the complex plethora of information. “You’ll be sent to different universes, different..versions of Teyvat I’d say. Each one, you make a mental note of how many times we are able to successfully achieve all of the gnoses.”

She nodded firmly, her voice unwavering in low, resolute response as Pierro’s solemn look seemed to be disregarded by the absolute tone of voice she had asserted, believing herself to be fully capable of the horrors of her task. After all, she has seen many she’s cared about slip away at her fingertips on many occasions. What could possibly be worse?

You.

You could be worse.

Arlecchino didn’t want to lose you. Not for a second.

—

The world above blurred together into an unintelligible gradient of colorful patterns blended like a work of art, the beauty which Arlecchino took wonder again suddenly broken by a sharp ache spreading across every inch of her body. Shooting her eyes open, her pulse vibrated against her neck in protruding shoves against her skin, lashes fogging her vision as floods of pale sunlight sunk into her bright pupils.

Hands planted into the earth, she weakly hoisted herself up in the familiar drag of Teyvat’s soul along her palm, strands of white hair unkempt and falling over her face as she swerved her head around with caution. Nothing looked out of the ordinary. Could it be possible that Pierro didn’t succeed in catching a glimpse of any other universe? However he managed to do that anyway…

Blinking her eyes open, Arlecchino finally caught a clear view of the world around her. Tranquil, basking in the serenity of a soul not in sight within the planes of nature as gentle hums of the breeze cradled the surrounding landscape. If this was what she had to investigate, then Pierro’s warning must have just been false panic stirred up to simply drive her into setting her eyes on the task at hand.

A speck of red suddenly bloomed along the once blue sky.

Then another.

What felt like mere moments plunged into the world she stood in being ripped apart in an instant, pulled forcefully open to engulf her in the now drowned out cries and screams of a war littered field, blood steeled along the blades of once swaying grass replacing the small drops of dew she had seen before. Arlecchino was no stranger to violent conflict, that was for sure. With ease, she carefully stepped through the worn down fields, scattered with the rusted steel of discarded weapons.

Her leg stretched past the limp bodies in a sickening array as to not kick the dead, mangled forms neatly laid out—as if war itself had created an artwork itself encompassing its fury. Quickly, Arlecchino had suppressed her internal disgust to keep her eyes ahead, navigating through the blinding flames swallowing Snezhnaya—likely Teyvat itself, whole.

The screams those impaled in spurts of blood trickling onto the metal to then clatter to the floor were nothing but white noise blocked out in Arlecchino’s head, no matter how gruesome the awful sight of their guts stomped on appeared to her. Pity welling up within her was nothing but weakness, a fate she could not save them from as it mattered naught to Arlecchino in the intense rampage. People die, sometimes you couldn’t save them. That was a lesson she had adhered to for years, holding back was simply the sneak of weakness that tried to leave one vulnerable, and a profession such as one in the Fatui required a ruthless front. One she couldn’t put down.

However, her fear couldn’t remain bottled up for long, as Pierro had warned her of succumbing to weakness. And as if luck had steered clear of her favor, sending a tower of bricks tumbling down onto her, she had been forced to stare helplessly at her own weakness.

“Arle..please..” your hoarse sighed out as dribbles of crimson spilled down your chin in a heavy downpour streaming from your chest, the sight of a gleaming scarlet scythe lodged into your body making Arlecchino freeze in horror. Her scythe.

Swallowing back the abrupt dread crawling up her spine upon spotting herself grasping the handle tightly, the black fades of her cursed hands now painted a vile red as she watched herself dig the scythe deeper. You still desperately clawed at Arlecchino’s shoulders like an anchor, fingers digging in to crease and fold the fabric of her blazer stuck to her shoulders in patches of sweat.

Arlecchino’s parallel self only gravitated closer to you in heavy breaths, taking your body in her arms as well as the scythe remained pierced across your other side, her nose digging into the warmth of your collarbone to savor your final moments in her arms.

“(Name)..? Dear? Is there one last wish you want from me?”

You nodded, hand weakly caressing the dusted lines of her cheek.

“Just..kiss me on the forehead and tell me we’ll be okay. Maybe in another universe?”

She sighed, choking back the small hiccup building in her throat as tears burned along the corners of her eyes. Her nails brushed along your nape in false contentment, as you smiled at her lips brushing along your forehead.

“Perhaps in another universe we’re fine. If circumstances were better we wouldn’t be here.”

Arlecchino’s whispers faded gradually, mixing into the howls of wind as yet another breeze that screeched in accordance with each stab of a spear through someone’s ribs. She could only kneel to the ground as she wordlessly grasped your lifeless body like a vice, breathing shaky and ragged with each moment of what she had to do replaying in her head over and over in the repeat of a broken record. It only served to rip out her heart piece by piece sadistically, the pain in your expression etched into her skull and ringing to torment her as the eternal crime of taking her own beloved’s life.

Even if she had to, she felt like shit.

Shallow breaths accompanied the subtle shivers that racked her body in rapid successions, Arlecchino’s eyes wide and hands trembling at the sight of herself hemming your lifeless body in her arms. Finally, she understood the horrors of what she had to trudge through for the sake of a simple task, the heat eating away at her sanity, drying through clothing to burn away at her skin like a manifestation of rage, sorrow, fear, everything that swirled together in her head upon seeing your corpse stained with blood.

Lightless eyes bore into her own as Arlecchino stared at the memory that would forever be seated into her like an accompanying curse, her eyes unable to look away at the way your body was laid besides a singular living lakelight lily on the field no matter how badly she wanted to. Thankfully, even as a small wash of relief for your very corpse’s peace in this god awful universe, she was grateful you were laid beside a singular living flower, away from all the fighting bellowing through the throes of battle off in the distance.

Watching as the other Arlecchino gently masked your eyelids shut, bidding you to rest as she stood up to dart back into the field, Arlecchino stepped forward to kneel beside you. Her translucent body simply ghosted through your splayed out arm, frustration boiling with her as she repeatedly attempted to hold you in her arms, before recalling Pierro’s statement that she couldn’t interact with the other universe, nor could they see her.

“What made you seek death like this my love..?”

She wept silently, that same unfeeling expression locked onto her face through the trickling salty tears staining her cheeks like that of an angel of grief. Unable to understand the motivation for you wanting her to kill uou was natural after all, the details of this universe’s memories and information was all altered in this universe’s Irminsul, yet she didn’t have the heart to check. Not after what she saw just now. She didn’t want to be plunged into an agony of truth just yet.

No matter what your reason could have been, Arlecchino would understand. It must have been painful for this other Arlecchino to come to terms with it, especially if it was in fact her with the same feelings and thoughts. Of course she had carried out every request and wish from you, so who would she be to deny this one? Especially for the greater good of your lives.

In every universe, your wish is yours to keep.

Her lingering kiss ghosted through your forehead only left an empty hole gaping in her chest through the sweltering flames she wasn’t supposed to feel, breaths shaky and jagged as she rose back to her feet to make her way through to any Fatui establishment left intact.

They failed here. The gnoses were not obtained.

—

“In 23 out of 47 universes, we succeed.”

“Understood. Meaning we have nothing short of a decent chance here. Thank you for your cooperation, Knave.”

She huffed out of acknowledgment, sweat pooling up along the corner of her head as she hid her shaky hands in her coat. Pierro, who had taken notice of this, didn’t make it a priority to pry further, pitying the woman who had underwent a flurry of emotions based on varying outcomes from various universes. He had decided to give her some space as he had warned her, dipping his head in acknowledgment of her success.

“You’re dismissed now.”

Arlecchino delivered a brisk nod, yet her swift energy in the nod remained contradictory to her being drained from the inside, everything she had seen of you two opening a pit of despair dropped at her stomach.

Her already soulless eyes beheld an overwhelming tempest of agony, the abrupt cold air batting along her cheek leaving her unfazed as she stared down at the thick snow bundled below her feet, imprints left with each hollow step she crunched into the white blanket over Snezhnaya. The cold’s sting was but a pinch now, passing the pain she had underwent in her own personal hell, no pain could compare to seeing the woman she loved, the woman she’d die for happy in one moment, and dead in the blink of an eye.

By the time she had reached the hotel room that was accommodated for both Arlecchino and you—courtesy of the Jester for your stay in Snezhnaya for the the mission, she only scanned along the patterns of the wooden door in search of something she wasn’t even sure of, blinking rapidly as her draining exhaustion crept up on her. You opened the door to greet your shell of a wife, staring aimlessly at the floor to your concern.

You couldn’t help but notice the dark circles lined beneath her eyes, complimenting her faded lipstick in small tones of pink to accompany the once deep red. Her hair was messed over from her usual well combed style as the thin ponytail behind her draped loose to the bottom, slightly exposing more stray strands peeking out from behind her neck.

“Uh- Arle are you-? Woah!”

Arlecchino’s uncharacteristic hug had thrown you off guard, eyes wide as the other harbinger’s arms pulled you to her in a tidal wave like embrace, nose digging into the crook of your neck.

“I missed you.”

“I- uh- missed you too! But what’s with the sudden hug, dear?”

“Nothing.”

It took quite a bit of strength to pry the stronger woman off of you, grasping her shoulders as you stared back at her signature deadpan expression, now fresh with tear cracks running down her cheeks.

“Wait, Arle..are you crying?”

“I am not.”

“I can literally see a few tears on that dead face of yours!”

“Allergies.”

“Peruere it’s fucking winter in Snezhnaya!”

You sighed, taking her hand as you shut the door behind you in a prolonged creaking noise as you beckoned her to sit on the couch beside you. Complying, the woman merely took her seat in silence, not so much as a hum elicited from her as the only audible noise in the deafening silence was the clock ticking, alongside her deep, drawn out breaths. Carefully, you pushed a small porcelain cup atop a gold rimmed plate on the table in her direction, the small squeak as the fine material scraped along the glass not being enough to cut through the silence.

“Er..I made you tea earlier for when you came back but it’s cold now..sorry.”

Arlecchino took the handle between her thumb and pointer finger, eyeing her reflection rippling in the clear, golden brown waves of the cool cup. She parted her lips in a quiet exhale, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth before sipping the cold tea.

“I love you, (Name). In every universe.”

Your gaze softened as you took the cup from her hands to replace with your own, touch feather light as your thumb circled the callouses of Arlecchino’s palm as they brushed along your own. The reminder of both of your professions as harbingers together.

“Arle..you don’t have to tell me what happened, but whatever did, I promise I’m not going anywhere. I love you forever and ever, okay?”

A wordless nod was all that was delivered from the white haired woman, the cross in her eyes blinding out of sight the further her eyelids dropped as she inclined to the tender embrace of her lover’s arms. Head dropping atop your chest, she pressed her cheek flush to the fabric of your clothing as close as possible, attempting to catch every little heartbeat and breath earned from the silence of her listening in.

She would protect you with all she had.

Anything to give this universe’s version of herself and the woman she adored a life of everything she could desire, one that spanned across every other multiverse that rooted and acknowledged the depth of your bond together.

A/N: OKAY OKAY first half was decent, middle was kinda trash but the third part of the fic ate so id like to say im seldom proud of this fic I’ve crafted anyway Arle fans eat well I missed feeding you guys and I haven’t written her in so long omg

Also uhhhh I kinda sorta haven’t played genshin in a really long time IM SORRY NATLAN WAS BOOTYCHEEKS I COULDNT BRINF MYSWLF TO PLAY IT HOLY SHIT I miss Fontaine but yeah this was fun to dooo <33

[nightshade962]

Once again here we go with a dcxdp Tim / Danny as I have said before I have a list I'm working down it and things get added when I think of one I might start doing danny/jason as well but I say I don't know that I mean dead on Main is pretty thriving

This one is where maybe team Phantom( which for this consists Valerie Sam Tucker Wes and Danny and sometimes jazz) decide to take like a gap year or do online schooling and just travel around the world and different dimensions and planets Danny's ghost King as long as he has a place to do his paperwork once in awhile he's good and between Sam's wealth and Danny's riches and let's be honest some blackmailing Vlad they don't really have to worry about money all that much

We all know jazz went to Ivy League so on her breaks when she doesn't have extra stuff to do she travels with them

Let's say maybe jazz is doing a internship at Arkham so while she's there team Phantom decide to visit her and I'll be there for a while.

Somewhere along the way they get mixed up with the Wayne's maybe Sam's parents and Vlad bribed them to go for them in their Stead and they're just pure chaos there that kids just love it and find them funny Tim and Danny hit it off let's say maybe dick and Jazz hit it off as well( I know it's usually Jazz and Jason but I kind of like dick and Jazz a little bit more then read and or write what you want)

Maybe Sam convinced is the rest of Team Phantom to participate in a protest feel like every animal rights or the plants somebody Poison Ivy and or Damien are there and they're just pure chaos there's some of the loudest voices there cuz if they're going to fight for something they're going to fight for it hard and loud

Tim ends up finding out that they travel around all around the world if they are doing schools usually online or they're just having fun being young adults cuz sadly let's face it they had to grow up pretty quickly

Maybe at some point one of team Phantom is captured by a rogue in Gotham and Danny loses his absolute s*** because they are his people him and Valerie pretty much take this person down before the bats get there and maybe was something with like ectoplasm has tainted them and they have like an Ecto signature or maybe you could go the route of Lady Gotham claiming them as her nights and Danny just knows

Anyway it gets out that Valerie and Danny were both once vigilantes Sam and Tucker helped Danny Jazz knew and Wes figured it out they pretty much tell the bats they know who their civilian identities are and they found it by the giw and everything like that maybe team Phantoms already dealt with giw completely or they haven't I'll let you decide

Eventually team Phantom is going to carry on go about their business and eventually they're going to leave Gotham maybe Tim wants to be like a young adult like his other peers and travel and I kind of want good bat family and so Tim proposes the idea to travel with them he's pretty much head over heels for Danny already then it's just the same the bat family supports him they can still get in contact him over calms and get his ideas and he can go over cases out in line especially since he doesn't have to hide out from these people anyway they know what it's like it's already a team Phantom is Chill about it like yeah come travel with us see the world without having to be on a mission or there are for publicity

Now I know at the end it's a little rushed and this is kind of jumbled this is my after a long day at work thoughts so I'm tired so it's a little rambly and I know it's a bit out of character for Tim but I kind of like that feel free to add on

[batsbratsandbarbedwire]

omg plsss write some steddie and/or platonic stobin!!!! my fav tags/themes are getting together, bi steve, gay eddie, wingman robin, steve and robin having no boundaries (and generally being a bonded pair of stray cats that cannot be adopted separately), and dustin/the kids being lil shits /lh

any rating!! (if youre still wanting writing ideas!) :D

Uh yes platonic no boundary stobin and getting together steddie are my favorite things okay. Soooo, it's a 5 and 1 and I'm only halfway through part 3, but proof I'm working on it. I'll post the finished story on ao3, though. Because I got real invested actually.

1.

It’s been 158 days since Steve’s seen Eddie. Not that he’s counting or anything, it’s just that he does that sometimes… he counts. It’s like, well, he can’t help it.

Anyway, it’s been a long time. They have Eddie all holed up in quarantine, something weird in his blood work. They keep saying they don’t really know if it’s safe or, uh, contagious or whatever.

Steve didn’t allow any blood work. But he’d been conscious. His own bat bites taken care of already. Had sat pretty with Eddie’s neat little row of homemade stitches holding him together and hadn’t told anyone else he’d been attacked by the bats. Not if they hadn’t been there to see it. And the party pretty much knew to keep their mouths shut by now, anyway, so.

Not the point.

The point is, it’d be 159 days in a couple hours and Steve missed him. Missed Eddie so aggressively, even though he’d never even known him before spring break.

Count his 2023 bingo card as all fucked and jumbled but, Jesus Christ, they’d gotten close in those 159 days.

Because they could hear each other.

That’s how Steve knew Eddie wasn’t contagious. Either that, or Steve was too, but the two things had to be related, right? And nobody else had really said anything about catching new symptoms, or whatever.

You’re thinking too much, big boy. He heard. Heard in his head. Which had been jarring and weird at first, really, Steve hadn’t ever heard thoughts before. He knew some people did. Robin said he had a thing with a funny A name he could never remember, and that’s why he couldn’t hear his own thoughts, but that everyone else could hear theirs. That other people could even see thoughts in their heads. That sounded maybe a little overwhelming to Steve. Hearing is one thing, but seeing too?

Eddie’s voice was clear as day.

“I can’t help it, I want them to let you out.” Steve said aloud to his empty bedroom. He did that. Tried not to when he wasn’t alone, but, again, the thinking in his head thing wasn’t normal and it confused him a little how it all worked. Still did. Eddie laughed and called it demobat sonar. Seemed really good at using it.

We’re working on it. You need to sleep, sweetheart.

Sweetheart. At least Eddie couldn’t feel his heartbeat.

“Don’t want to,” Steve whispered.

His head reverberated with a soft hum. Something warm and cozy and safe.

Then tell me a secret, baby.

Steve closed his eyes. What secrets did he even have? He didn’t know.

“What kinda secret?” he whispered.

It was like a laugh in his head, something soft. It made Steve smile.

Any kind, Stevie.

Steve’s brain was blank. He blurted out the first thing he remembered he’d never told anyone before. “I peed my pants leaving basketball practice once.”

Hot.

Steve snorted. “Coach wouldn’t let us go.” He shrugged to himself. To his empty room. “Whatever.”

Another hum. Whatever.

“Oh,” Steve said. He focused hard on feelings that he didn't think were his. “Hot? You’re serious?”

A laugh.

“Tell me a secret?” Steve asked.

Eddie didn’t have to think like Steve did. I like when pretty boys pee their pants in my lap.

“Eddie.”

Hm?

“Has that? Have you?”

Has it happened before?

“Yes.”

Once or twice.

“On purpose?”

Another hum. Course.

“Oh.”

Steve didn’t know what else to say. He twisted his fingers in his sheets and turned on his side to bury his face in his pillow.

You’re jealous.

“No,” he whispered. But he was. He felt it low in his gut.

I can feel it, sweetheart.

“I don’t know how you’re so good at controlling it.”

Pretty boys or the connection?

Steve snorted. He had no questions about how easy it might be for Eddie to control boys. “The second one.”

A hum. Maybe the more meat you lose to the beasts the better you are at it. I dunno. You give a little, you get a little.

“You haven’t told anyone, right?”

No.

“Me neither.”

I know, Sweetheart.

“How's your side?”

His voice came through soft, amused still. Same as it was an hour ago.

Steve sighed. “Not healing.”

Healing real slow.

“Allegedly.”

It’s not infected anymore, sweetheart.

“I just miss you.” Steve knew he was pouting, maybe. Was probably supposed to be embarrassed about it somewhere, but he wasn’t. He never was with Eddie, even when he thought he might be or should be.

You’re a dream, baby.

“Mm mm,” Steve hummed. “Real.”

A soft laugh. Kind of low and mellow. Indulgent maybe. I’ll believe it when I see it, sweetheart.

Steve nuzzled his face against his pillow. Three laughs so far, tonight. He felt warm. “I’ll be the first one at your door when they let you out.”

Mm, yeah. That’s how I’ll know it’s real.

“What, you don’t need a tattoo on my forehead or anything?”

The fourth laugh. Maybe on your ass.

Steve smiled into his pillow. “Only if you bend me over and do it yourself.”

Oh, I promise, big boy.

2.

Robin was going on a date. It was a girl from highschool, someone who’d been in Steve’s year, who Robin swore Steve had had at least three classes with, but Steve didn’t recognize her name.

They were going on a picnic somewhere and she was picking Robin up from Steve’s house and Eddie was laughing again.

Robin was panicking. Pacing. Not in a panicky sort of way, but in a goofy nervous sort of way that had Steve rolling his eyes and Eddie whining about tearing his stitches.

“What if she hates me and thinks I talk too much? You know I talk too much. Especially when I’m nervous. And you know I’m nervous. Where the fuck is Munson and his quality weed when you need him?”

A snort here from Eddie himself.

“You’re listening?” Steve whispered.

You’re just so loud sometimes, baby.

“Because you know Kelsey’s shit just isn’t as good. It’s like, if you want half the high for half the time, sure whatever, buy it, but really it’s just a waste of money and it just smells dry. Do you know what dry even smells like, Steve, because it’s not a good smell. Especially not for weed. And he just charges like a little bit more, which, like, I know some people think is worth it because Eddie is scary or whatever. But Eddie has never actually been scary, you know–”

Oh she’s so charming.

“–But people are who people are and. Ugh, this isn’t even the point, Steve. I wish I was high right now, is the point, and then I would be quiet, and then she’d be more likely to actually like me, and then I could go on a second date, maybe. And then I could kiss a girl, Steve. Do you know how long I’ve wanted to kiss a girl? Because it’s been a pretty long time, and I just feel like–”

“Robin?”

She stopped mid step. Almost 253. Shimmied a little in his direction. “Huh?”

“If she only likes you because you don’t talk a lot, then she’s not really worth kissing.”

A hum in his head. Approval.

“You don’t get to decide that Mr. I’ve kissed 87,000 girls and boys in the last three years and who knows how many of them were actually worth it.”

Eddie snorted. Worth it just for how good you’ll be with that mouth, weren’t they?

Steve frowned. Ignored Eddie. “Maybe that’s not really fair, huh?”

“I’m sorry. I’m freaking out. That’s no reason to slut shame you.”

“Oh, thank you.”

How do you feel about that, baby? Slut shaming?

Robin slid up in front of Steve and pressed her forehead to his chin. “She’s so pretty, Steve.”

He wrapped his arms around her. “I don’t remember her.”

“I know.”

I don’t like her tone.

“You’re so nosy,” Steve muttered.

“Hm?” Robin asked.

Eddie laughed.

There was a knock at the door and Robin froze. Finally.

She pulled back to look at Steve's face. “You’ll be here when I get back?”

“Awaiting every sordid detail,” Steve said.

“And you’ll be ready to call if you get my SOS text?”

“Your number’s already dialed and my thumb is hovering over the call button.”

“And–”

“Robin. Breathe. Have fun.”

She blinked at him. Took a deep breath. “Right.”

Steve stepped back and kissed her on the cheek. “Go get the door, bird.”

“Right,” she said again.

Steve listened as she made her way out of the kitchen and into the foyer. It was all muffled, but he could hear her smile. “Andie, hey.”

You love her, Eddie said.

“Of course I do,” he said. He heard the door close behind the girls.

I think I do, too. It’s your fault maybe.

“You could blame it on the connection, but she’s just charming.”

I know, we used to eat lunch together. Before she joined band.

“No way.”

Sorry, Stevie, but you’re not the first boy to call her Bird.

“Shut up.”

You'll have to make me, sweetheart.

“I have a feeling you're better at bossing people around.”

We can test that theory.

“We will.”

In my dreams, baby.

“I'm real,” Steve breathed. “I promise I'm real.”

Well, then, in my dreams until you prove It.

3.

Every time Steve shifted, the fold out chair Nurse Amy brought him screeched a loud awkward sort of sound that seemed to echo across the whole goddamn hospital. It's been 26 times already. It was just so hard to sit still enough to avoid it.

I can't hear it from here, came the amused whisper in Steve's head.

You're, like, three floors down.

And full of delusion, I'm sure.

Steve grunted at the soft, bitter laugh in his head. Thirteen accusations of this being all a hallucination on Eddie's part.

Max's floor was oddly quiet compared to the rest of the hospital. It always was. And she wasn't allowed more than one visitor at a time, hence Steve stuck in the hallway every time he brought one of the kids to see her. He'd come every time though, no matter how often any of them asked, or how long Lucas liked to stay.

I wish I could just sit with you while he's in there, Steve thought at Eddie. He was getting much better at it, at thinking to Eddie and not just having every sinful thing ever filter through. He wasn't as good as Eddie was, though. Steve only ever got exactly what thoughts Eddie wanted him to hear.

Sometimes he wished he got more.

Would be nice, wouldn't it?

You know I miss you.

A soft hum, cozy and sweet. One Steve wished he could feel through his cheek, pressed up against Eddie's chest.

167 days. Steve sighed. Leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes against the fluorescents.

Tell me a secret, sweetheart.

Six secrets shared between them so far.

I can't tell if it's so quiet in here because it's just the floor or if it's my hearing getting worse, still. Steve thought.

Seven.

The pause was slow and warm. Like Eddie was just processing. Thinking about how to respond.

Steve took 4 deep breaths before he answered. How concerned are you about that?

Steve smiled. Wished he could nuzzle himself into the lack of panic. The calm, confident warmth that now had its own little place in his mind.

Not very. Not yet anyway.

A hum in his head. The second in only a few minutes.

You're anxious today, baby.

What do you mean?

Lots of numbers this morning.

Steve had never talked about it before. Never wanted to. It'd never felt this easy or normal or casual. He pressed his head back against the wall just a tiny bit harder.

It's being here, I think.

Yeah?

And not being able to see you, Steve added.

[sl-newsie]

American Woman (Thomas Shelby x American OC) Ch. 70: Loss

Masterlist: https://www.tumblr.com/sl-newsie/739551758747090944/american-woman-thomas-shelby-x-american-oc?source=share

Sleep avoids me all night. Each time I try to close my eyes I keep hearing jumbled words warning me of upcoming conflicts. ‘Losing one of your own siblings.’ God, did she have to say that? Not only am I petrified of losing anyone but it happens to be that my broer is involved with today’s fight. ‘Take a look at the future.’ Some future, Michael. Everything and everyone that drew me to become a part of this is threatening to be cast out. Seeing Thomas’ panicking eyes still haunts me.

By 5 a.m. I roll out of bed and follow Dílis to the kitchen. From the window I see that the rain is gone and has left the streets thick with mud. 

Arf! The pup lets out a yip and waits next to his food bowl.

“Coming, coming,” I fuss and go for his kibble. “You’re not the only one who’s impatient.”

Impatient, indeed. For the next several hours I continue to keep calling Polly, Ada, anyone who might tell me what’s going on. Eventually the operator gets tired of me and directs the call straight to Thomas.

“Hello?”

“Thomas. You need to tell me what’s going on now,” I speak in a low tone. “Normally I wouldn’t be so restless but this involves Liam.”

“You’re right,” Thomas admits and takes a breath. “Today at 2 we’re meeting up at Charlie’s yard to discuss the plan. You can be there if you wish but nothing further after that. Liam will be there too.”

“That’s all I need to know,” I answer gratefully. “Tot ziens.”

Only a few more hours.

I round up Dílis and slip into the car at 1:30. I don’t care if I’m early. By the time I get to the yard I see Arthur, Johnny Doggs, and Uncle Charlie watching someone aim at a target. Liam stands nearby, holding a rifle and wearing his own flat cap.

“Komm, Dílis.” We both walk through the muddy grass over to him. “What is the plan?”

Liam doesn’t seem surprised to see me here. “Mosley’s speaking at a rally tonight. The plan is to let your boss’ friend Barley shoot the bastard.” He points to the man in front. “That’s him there. He’s a great shot.”

A shooting. At a rally. “The Billy Boys will be there, then. Will we have enough men?”

Liam smirks and jerks his head to someone behind me. “That’s why we’ve called in some support.”

Dílis starts barking and I’m shocked to see a familiar bearded face. “Mr. Solomons?”

“Fresh from the grave,” the Jewish gangster announces and spreads his arms. He frowns, looking me up and down. “You’re still following Tommy Shelby around? I'd thought a smart girl like you would have left by now.”

Liam and I exchange looks before I answer. “I am now. Sometimes I feel tethered to this lifestyle. Addicted to it, you might say.”

Mr. Solomons strokes his beard. “Curious. There are many addictions surrounding this lifestyle. Snow, alcohol, violence. And amidst all this… You are addicted to Tommy Shelby.”

Liam takes the time to clear his throat and inch away from the conversation. There’s no other way to phrase it, actually. This is an addiction. 

“Maybe,” I confess. “But I can overcome my addiction if it means avoiding Mosley’s crowd.”

The gangster nods in understanding just as Thomas’ car pulls up and the man himself steps out to watch Barley. On a bright side, Thomas doesn’t appear to have let Michael’s words get to him. His eyes are confident and he walks with a notable pep in his step when he sees Barley’s accomplished shots.

“All right then, boys! Let’s head out!” He waves everyone over and looks at me. “Verena, you go back to Ada’s. You can listen on the radio.”

All the men file into their cars. Liam starts to follow them and my heart quickens.

“Liam? You’re going with them?”

He looks as if I just asked which way was left or right. “‘Course I am, zus.”

Liam starts to climb into the car and I grab his sleeve. “No- Wait. Liam, no. Please…”

“Verena, it’s a speech. All I have to do is stand guard and pretend like I’m on their side.”

My head shakes violently and I keep a firm grip on him. “You were never supposed to be a part of this.”

His eyes narrow and he starts getting agitated. “I can’t just watch this happen and do nothing! Maybe you can make change through fancy words but my way is through action.”

“Liam…” I plead, my voice starting to fail. “Please.”

“I’ll be fine. I’ll see you tonight, zus,” Liam grins, patting me on the shoulder just as the door shuts and the line of cars begins driving away, leaving me in the mud.

No. It’s all wrong. So terribly wrong.

Ruff! Dílis looks between the cars and me, trying to decide what's the matter.

“More waiting, I guess,” I sigh and trudge back to my car. “Only this time there is far more at stake.”

I get in the driver’s seat and lean my head against the steering wheel. Lord, with all I can ask I pray that you keep Liam safe. He was never meant to be here. I was never meant to be here. And now because of my constant surrender to my addiction he decided to join me. Now he has chosen to put himself in danger. 

Throughout the drive to Ada’s I want to believe in Thomas and think that tonight will go as planned. Maybe I would if Liam wasn’t involved. But all I can think of now is if things might go wrong.

“There you are!” Ada greets from the door when I pull up. “The broadcast is about to start. I prepared in advance and got rubbish bins for us to throw up in when Mosley starts speaking.”

Dílis wanders into the parlor and as I follow him I pass by a mirror in the hallway. I’m so pale. It’s the same look Thomas wore when he came to visit me after the stabbing. It’s paired with a feeling of deep fear, one that might never be erased until I see Liam again.

“Verena? Verena, you’re shaking,” Ada worries and helps me sit down. “Here, have some tea.”

Some static cheering comes from the radio and the announcer’s voice booms: “Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Oswald Mosley.”

More applause is picked up from the crowd. I control my rage by twirling the tea spoon in my fingers. Kill him. Kill him.

Mosley clears his throat. “Ladies and gentlemen of Birmingham…”

The beginning of the speech is more repeating of what he claimed at Lizzie’s birthday party. Karl keeps watching the radio with distrust, looking back at his moeder’s skeptical frown.

“Our enemies deal in bricks and stones and bottles. We deal in reasoned principle argument and fact.”

Their ‘enemies’ are the very people that support the economy. My economy. The capitalist economy. This fairytale he’s promising will not be a solution. It will be a discriminatory blow to the working class, to Jews, to anyone who opposes them. And if fascism spreads it will lead to the downfall of vader’s business. Uncle Colon’s trade ring. Thomas’ shipping company. 

Mosley goes on to talk more about Churchill and the threats to democracy. “Not all attending tonight will be convinced of our cause.”

“Guilty as charged,” I utter darkly, gripping the spoon as we wait for the shot. 

“Perish Judah! Perish Judah!” The crowd chants as the speech goes on.

Come on, Thomas. Kill him. Do it. Do it… My body tenses and my eyes almost burn a hole through the radio by how intense I’m watching it, still waiting for the shot.

No gunshot. Where’s the gunshot? Why is the bastard still talking?!

“The barriers of class will be abolished, and a greater Britain will be born of the National Socialists and fascist creed.”

More cheering fades in, followed by distant shouts. Suddenly the noise is cut off and the broadcast ends. Wait- Does that mean-? Did Barley-? What the Hell happened?

“Did… Did we win?” I ask openly, looking over at Ada.

The Shelby zuster shakes her head blankly. “I don’t know.”

So we wait. Wait in thick, gruesome silence for a phone call. For any news. Karl soon gets antsy and goes off to his room. I look out the window nearly twenty times before I finally see a car pull up. Through the pouring rain I see Thomas walk up to the house. His face is hidden by his cap so it’s unclear what form of report he has for us.

I jump up and nearly trip on the rug trying to rush to the door. Thomas steps in, shaking the rain off and hesitating to lift his head. When I see his eyes they look so lost and empty that he almost looks like someone else.

“Thomas-? Jesus, you look terrible.” He looks at me as if I’m a vase about to crack. “Something went wrong.”

Thomas swallows and leans against the cabinet, staring at himself through the mirror, refusing to deny my statement. “I had him. I could have done it. Could have shot him.”

I take a shaky breath and step closer. “You could have. But we both know that would only make things worse. You would be dead too.”

“I bloody know that!” He tries to shout but it comes out as a self-loathing cry. “And now Aberama... He’s dead. Gone. They knew…”

Dead. The word echoes through my mind and my previous feeling of sorrow returns.

“Where’s Liam?”

“It doesn't make sense,” Thomas keeps rambling. “No fucking sense…”

“Thomas,” I demand louder, starting to feel desperate. “Where is my broer?”

The gangster stops muttering to himself and turns to me with vulnerable eyes. A look that I am cursed to know all too well.

“Your brother… Liam, he… He tried to stop McCavern’s men from getting to Arthur. They stabbed him.” My stomach tightens. “He… He didn’t make it.”

My face freezes and my knees weaken, sending me collapsing against the cabinet. “Jesus Christ…”

“We snuck his body to Charlie’s yard, so he can have a proper service.” Thomas tries to reach for me. “Verena-”

“Don’t touch me!” I weep and swat him away, angry tears already streaming down my cheeks. “Just- Just leave me! Go!”

Dílis starts to whine and nudge my shaking hand.

“Verena-” Thomas begs.

“Get the fuck away from me!” My shriek rings throughout the house and all I can do is back away, stumbling against the door. “Stay the fuck away, Thomas!”

“Verena, wait!” Ada pleads and steps between us. “You are in no condition to drive. I’ll take you back. This way, Dílis.” Thomas tries to speak but she cuts him off. “Zip it, Tommy!”

In an empty and spiraling burst of emotions I am guided by Ada to my car. The only thing anchoring me to reality is her arm around my shoulder. I don’t even notice when we start driving. In the blink of an eye all that was once beautiful and hopeful now looks like the descending steps to endless torture.

Liam was stabbed. Stabbed. Liam is dead. My broer is dead. My innocent broer is dead. Of all the pain I have been devoted, all the pain I have persevered, this is by far the one that injures the most. This is not a pain I’ve allowed to myself. It is a pain that I cannot cure through changing myself. It is a pain of deep mourning, guilt, and regret. Is this how Thomas felt when John was killed?

‘I’ll be fine. I’ll see you tonight, zus.’ That is what he promised me, just as Thomas promised that he would be safe. No, I know Thomas could not keep Liam from wanting to face danger. But he could have tried harder.

“Verena?” Ada’s voice reaches my cloudy thoughts. “We’re here.”

She helps me out of the car and walks Dílis and I inside. I look down and see Liam’s flannel jacket lying on the chair, left without an owner. Just the memory of Thomas’ words sends chills down my spine. His body? That doesn’t even sound right.

“It’s all my fault,” I gulp and stagger to the kitchen. “I brought this cursed gang onto my familie. If I hadn’t kept coming back, Liam wouldn't have gotten involved. If I hadn’t gone in too deep… Liam would still be alive.”

“Verena.” Ada corners me against the counter and squeezes my hand. “Liam chose to do this. It’s not your fault-”

“Yes it is.”

She tries to argue but gives up. “Usually the one being blamed is Thomas-”

“Do not mention that bastard’s name!” I seethe, clenching my fists. “I warned him not to let Liam get too involved but he never listens. He took my heart and now my broer is lost too. I’m just so sick of- HIM!”

I grip a stray knife and fling it across the room at Thomas’ portrait on the wall. I grab another and sprint through the parlor, proceeding to stab his damn blank face over and over and over. Every time the blade cuts through the canvas is another stab to my heart. Why did I let myself get too deep? Everyone told me it was dangerous and now my foolishness took my broer from me!

I take one final jab at the portrait, leaving an open gash across the subject’s face. Damn you, Thomas, and your stain on my life.

Ada sees I’ve stopped. “Go ahead. He’s got too many bloody portraits of himself anyway.” I hear her step closer. “I’ll stay here with you tonight. You can’t be alone right now.”

My eyes close and the knife slips from my grasp, cluttering to the floor. I stand there shaking, my feet glued to the ground. It’s like someone sucked out all the air from my lungs and my body has gone numb.

How did I let it come to this? How did I go wrong?

All night I pray for a dream. A dream I can wake up from and realize that Liam really isn’t gone. But each time I open my eyes and search the house he is never here. Never returned. Dílis can sense I’m troubled and keeps trailing at my heels. Eventually I don’t even bother trying to sleep. I just keep pacing the hall, back and forth, waiting for the nightmare I’m living to end. How am I going to tell moeder?

The weather also notices my grieving state and clouds the sky, not allowing any form of sunshine or cleansing rain. Only a despair-ridden overcast.

“You still love him,” Ada comments from behind when I begin staring at the ruined picture.

“Prove it,” I spit, pondering whether or not to hurl the art piece into the fire.

Ada sighs in defeat, standing up from the sofa. “Fine, you win. I guess I’ll go back and fetch Tommy some gin so he can drink himself away.”

“He likes whiskey. Irish,” I grumble.

She hums. “Then I’ll go get some tobacco-”

“We both know he only uses cigarettes.”

“Fine,” the Shelby zuster huffs. “Are you up for some jazz records?”

I stiffly shake my head. “There aren’t any. Playing jazz risks Thomas throwing the turntable across the room. He doesn’t like unnecessary noise-” Wait a damn second. I turn to look at her. “Was that a test?”

Ada toasts me with her morning tea. “Bingo. In a few short minutes you’ve narrowed down Tommy’s choices of whiskey, cigarettes, and music. A woman who’s not in love with him wouldn’t know him that well.”

Well, yes. I could have pointed those out long ago. Why bring it up now? Ada already knew back then that I was a prime candidate for him. Or is she doing this to ease my loathing for him?

Instead of directly calling moeder I dial Conor and inform him of what happened. He catches on to my lingering guilt and tries to tell me it’s not my fault. I still don’t believe it. After a few short responses we arrange for him and my other broers to pick me up. As the oldest, he takes the responsibility of telling moeder and vader about Liam. 

“We’ll be there as quick as possible, zus,” Conor promises. “Stay with someone until we get there.”

“I could have stopped him,” I croak. “Gecondoleerd. I am so sorry…”

“Gecondoleerd, Verena,” Conor says soothingly. “You know how Liam was. None of us could stop him from running into a fight. He stood for what we believe in, against the fascists.”

“I- I’ll see you soon,” I try to sound stable. “Tot ziens.”

I hang up the receiver and rejoin Dílis and Ada in the parlor. The hond jumps up and walks over to look up at me expectantly.

“Some of my familie is coming to transport the body,” I announce. “The funeral’s scheduled in Brooklyn next week.”

“You’re going to leave without telling him?”

The idea of facing Thomas again threatens to send me raging again. “His deeds, his sins, took my broer away from me. I don’t need to tell him anything.”

Her dark eyes sadden. “There’s something else you should know. Earlier I got a call from Tom- you-know-who. There were four deaths last night, counting your brother. Liam, Aberama, Barley…”

Ada trails off and licks her lips, looking depressed as well. I rack my brain for anyone who could be missing for her to be like this. 

“And the fourth?” I urge, dreading the news of the victim’s identity. Ada looks back at me and something in her eyes gives me the answer. “No. Not her. Jesus, tell me it wasn’t her!” 

I crumble onto the chair next to her and bury my face in the fabric. She was going to be married! She was finally going to be happy! And after all this time I’ve been too busy distancing myself from Thomas that I selfishly forgot about her.

“No. Not Polly… No!” I cry, letting more tears seep into the chair.

“I know, Verena. We’re all taking a hit,” Ada whispers, her own voice hardened with emotion. “You should know that, once a Gypsy member passes, we do not mention their name.”

“I -I’m sorry,” I gulp. “Gecondoleerd, Ada. I… I can’t believe she’s gone. She was the one who took me in. Lord, I wanted her to meet my moeder so badly. She would have loved her.”

Dílis sets his head on my leg and I reach out to feel his soft fur. Now I know it will not only be me who mourns. As deep as my hatred goes I cannot refuse my condolences to Thomas. Polly was the one who kept him together. She encouraged rationality. She kept tradition and respect alive for us even when her own son threatened it.

“I’m afraid I have to go,” Ada sighs when she checks the clock. “Thomas will want to speak to us and talk more about last night.”

My body stiffens again and Dílis lets out a low growl. “Please understand that I cannot be near him. I fear I might kill him if I see him again. He is not the cause of Liam’s death but it is still a form of perfidy all the same. Please give my sympathies to Michael and the others. You will mourn your familie and I shall mourn mine.” 

I especially need to be there for Liam’s wife, Evelyn. She’s going to be devastated. She’s going to hate me, just as Linda loathes Thomas. I’ll get blamed for her husband’s death, and I will accept that blame. 

After all these years I was still naïve to think that things would get better. Uncle Colon was right. I’ve given too much to this job, this familie, and now it’s taken a toll on my own.

How did I go wrong? 

@sherbitdibdab @meadows5

[airenyah]

A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 4

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep11 | Ep12)

Hiii, I'm back at it again <3

I'm not gonna write a proper introduction this time around. You know the drill. Enjoy!

(And if you're new here, feel free to check out my posts on the other episodes linked above first.)

Pronoun situation: In my first meta post I kept up with their pronoun use on a scene by scene basis. Just like in ep3, I won't do that in ep4 either because Fadel and Style consistently use the rude guu/mueng pronouns for each other throughout the entire episode without any significant pronoun changes.

To recap: Last time we saw Style, he had just been left lying on the cold hard ground with a punch to the gut after having hooked up with Fadel in a random storage room. Just like at the end of ep2, at the end of ep3 they did not part on the best of terms either.

No. 1: Blissful Dreams

Even though the hook-up ended rather painfully for Style, and even though the hook-up itself may not have been quite what Style dreamed of, it's still left quite a mark on him. So much so, that he even dreams about it that night. So much so, that this dream even affects him in real life the next morning.

"Crap," Style swears. This wasn't the plan. Style may have a bit of a problem now. And over the course of this episode we'll find out just how much of a problem Style actually has now, because the dream hasn't only affected him physically, but the reality that inspired the dream has also affected him emotionally.

No. 2: Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

The majority of the interactions Style has had with Fadel so far have ended with Fadel either forcing Style to leave (even to the point of physically dragging him away) or with Fadel abandoning Style. Even if from Style's perspective it may not seem like his actions have much of a positive effect on Fadel, I think deep down he does sense that he's managing to worm his way into Fadel's life after all. In any case, Style is not giving up no matter how many times Fadel will ditch him. However, since none of the strategies he's tried so far have seemed to really bear fruit, he now changes course again: disappear for a bit, so that he'll miss you. This strategy works exceptionally well, but Style won't know about it until about two thirds into the episode.

No. 3: Blue-Balled

Despite his resolution to stay away from Fadel to make him miss him, Style fails to hold out for long and is back rather sooner than later. As @secriden points out, Style "comes running to Fadel the second he hears about Fadel asking about him" (quoted from @secriden). Style even explicitly says that he hadn't planned on stopping by, but then "some auntie told me someone asked about me". Style has tried out a new strategy that he hasn't gone with before, learned that it actually did have some sort of affect on Fadel, and immediately rushes to confirm this for himself. Within the first 30 seconds (20 seconds, to be exact!) of Style entering the kitchen he asks Fadel twice if Fadel has missed him. It's literally the second and the fifth sentence out of his mouth when he shows up. This is important info to Style, he needs to know if Fadel has missed him and he needs to know immediately. Style has already started to develop positive feelings towards Fadel over the course of episode 3 and their little storage room fling has influenced that development even more. Style needs to know if Fadel feels the same way. In fact, he downright assumes that Fadel feels the same way: it's in the way he is so satisfied and smug when he walks through the door. Style is very happy about this.

Fadel, however, shoots him down. Style's smile fades, but I don't think it's necessarily because he's hurt or disappointed or wasn't expecting this reaction. No, Fadel has reacted like this to about 90% of the things Style has said to him the entire time they've known each other. Style backs up a bit, but the way he looks at Fadel seems curious, like he's searching for something, like there is a question on his mind. Why does he STILL keep insisting like this, why does he STILL go for rejection when evidence points to the opposite?

Reminder: Last time the two of them saw each other, Style was way out of line and Fadel ended up punching him. Style was also quite upset that Fadel would sleep with him and immediately ditch him. In their last meeting, they didn't part on the best of terms.

So Fadel claims he didn't miss Style (despite evidence saying otherwise) and that Style annoys him because he messes up Fadel's routine and Style thinks about it for a moment, contemplates what Fadel's problem could be with him this time that could make him act like that and then comes to a conclusion as to what it might be:

He lets Fadel know that he's not angry at him for what happened the night before. When Style says "I was asking for it", I'm not entirely convinced he's referring to his unserious behavior at the group meeting. I'm not sure he's actually realized that his behavior was disrespectful. After all, he was "rewarded" with sex for it. Plus, the next thing he says is: "[I]t doesn’t matter how scary you are". I think this refers to their confrontation and verbal exchange right around Fadel punching Style. I already touched on Style not being scared of Fadel in my ep 3 meta:

Fadel threatens to punch Style if he doesn't move but Style refuses to stand down even though he knows very well from personally witnessing it that Fadel is perfectly capable of punching him if he wished to. Despite that, Style is not scared of Fadel. [...] When Style says "You like me" I don't think he necessarily means it in the sense of you're in love with me or you're crushing on me. I think he [...] is making it very clear just how confident he is about Fadel not hurting him. [...] It's a counterattack to Fadel's threat.

(Bolded for emphasis)

Style was very fearless the night before, which is why I think when Style says "I was asking for it" he's referring specifically to how Fadel was threatening him and how Style put up a fight in response. He "was asking for it", because he didn't move out of Fadel's way despite Fadel making it very clear what the consequences of Style's stubbornness would be. Fadel got scary in their last meeting, and now Style tells him "[I]t doesn’t matter how scary you are, I’m hooked". While in episode 3 the "I'm not scared of you" was implicit in his actions, Style now tells him explicitly in words.

If you've read my episode 3 meta, you'll know that a running theme throughout the entire post ended up being the question of whether Style really meant all the things he said (esp the flirty things) or if it was all just empty words. Here in the kitchen? Style means every single word, every flirty sentence that he utters. In episode 3, when he bugs Fadel at the running track or when he tells Fadel that he likes and wants him right before they hook up at the end of the episode, there is such an air of loudness to his demeanor. In contrast, when Style tells Fadel "I'm hooked" and asks him what he has to do to win him over, there is much more tranquility to it. Even his voice is calmer, there is no trace of his usual dramatic flair. Style is much more grounded here compared to some of his flirting (attempts) in previous episodes.

Style is being serious when he says "[I]t doesn’t matter how scary you are, I’m hooked", he really means it. But Fadel only looks at him for a moment, squints his eyes briefly, and wordlessly directs his focus back on his herbs, signaling to Style Yeah sure whatever, I don't care, you're a burden and an inconvenience to me. This is yet another very predictable reaction and Style isn't surprised by it, but he's definitely a little annoyed now that he's still not getting through to Fadel, that Fadel still won't admit that he does want Style around and has started taking a liking to him. So Style leans closer to Fadel again and asks what it will take for Style to win him over. Again, Style is being serious about it, his usual over the top flair is missing. He isn't doing this for show, he's not playing anything up because someone else asked him to or because he'll gain something out of it. Style is asking because he genuinely wants to know for no one but himself. Style genuinely cares now.

But Fadel tells Style to fuck off. Not literally, of course (his actual words are "Get out of my face"), but "fuck off" is certainly the subtext of it. And that subtext reaches Style clear as day. Instead of following Fadel's order, he's gonna be a little shit about it now.

"Fuck", you say? Gladly. Malicious compliance with the subtext. Style walks around the table. "I know a guy like you just needs a little nudge."

Again, this time around I do think Style means all the flirty shit that he says. It's in the way his tone is much more calm and quiet and how everything he says is much more deliberate, much more calculated. It's a similar vibe to that time in the gym when he told Fadel to call him any time if he needed a spotter, which, if you've read my first meta post of this series, is a scene you'll know I've determined to be the first time Style genuinely flirts with Fadel for the purpose of flirting and not for any other motivations such as revenge. And now here in the kitchen he's also flirting for the purpose of flirting again. His words aren't just empty words.

Another way we can tell that Style genuinely wants to get into Fadel's pants right there and then is by the way he gets handsy. In episode 3 he doesn't really touch Fadel when he spouts all the sexual innuendos at him at the running track. The only time Style touches him in that scene is when he squeezes Fadel's man boob in order to emphasize the word "heart". Or in the storage room, even though he claims to want Fadel, Style doesn't touch Fadel either during that entire conversation before they get it going. In fact, the only time he touches Fadel before Fadel starts kissing him is to remove Fadel's hand from him. In contrast, the sauna scene in episode 2 showed us that when Style actually, genuinely wants to sleep with Fadel, he'll start touching Fadel in suggestive places, will even go as far as shamelessly stick his hands down Fadel's pants (or, uh, towel in that case). And even though he didn't exactly get handsy with Fadel at the work-out bench, despite my claims of this interaction being the very first time he genuinely flirts with Fadel, well... Style may have not been handsy, but he sure got kneely:

In the kitchen in episode 4 every flirty thing Style says is an attempt at getting into Fadel's pants again (Oh, how very much the storage room fling has left its mark on Style!). Style genuinely wants this, genuinely wants him. Every single one of Style's actions underlines that as well. And then Fadel actually maneuvers him onto the kitchen table. Style is elated.

At this point I want to once again take a little detour to @clemelntine's meta on each of the boys' sexual fantasies of one other and what that means for the storage room hook-up. If you remember, she writes:

No matter how much he annoys Fadel in the day to day and how much he seems to take the upperhand in those interactions, when it comes to sex he likes in the idea of letting Fadel do what he does/wants.

Not only do we see this play out in the storage room in the way Style gladly gives Fadel full control over his body, but we see this pattern continue in the kitchen. Style is very proactive in showing just how much he wants to get into Fadel's pants but the moment Fadel seemingly folds and goes along with it, Style lets Fadel put him on the kitchen table with no resistance whatsoever and eagerly awaits whatever Fadel has in store for him this time, letting Fadel have full control over the situation and his body again.

Whenever Fadel has blocked or rejected or ignored Style in this scene so far, it has not come as a surprise to Style a single time. This is what Fadel does. Style is used to it. It might annoy or disgruntle him at times, but overall he is used to it. But when Fadel drops "You won’t ever get what you want" and leaves him hanging? This time around it hits Style completely out of left field. Style was so caught up in his euphoria, that he didn't see this coming at all (unlike me, the audience, who was just sitting there going "ohh shit oh damn this is gonna be another fake-out" the moment Fadel grabbed Style's waist and turned him towards the table dfjkdf). After all, Fadel did sleep with him the night before, and so Style probably completely forgot that Fadel could dump him at any moment. In fact, he was probably confident that Fadel sleeping with him the night before and now asking about him at the market when Style failed to show up were signs that Fadel had started to develop feelings for him as well. And if Fadel has feelings for him now, then he would likely also want this, so why would Fadel ditch him? But Fadel does. Style is angry and he's hurt and he's disappointed, but Fadel's rejection hits him so much out of nowhere that I think he actually takes a while to process what has just happened and how to feel about it and how to react. Usually in situations like this, Style will put up a fight with Fadel until one of them wins, but this time around he is so stupefied that he immediately moves towards the door when Fadel shoves him towards it without firmly standing his ground and fighting Fadel about it first. Style does yell at Fadel that he won't let Fadel ditch him and when Fadel comes at him again, just for a short moment Style is about to stand his ground, but then Style shoves him away and leaves the kitchen angrily, instead of fighting him.

While I do think Style is hurt by Fadel's actions, I think anger and shock are his leading emotions here as he storms off. I think the hurt only really properly starts coming out and taking over once Style's shock has worn off and he's processed the situation.

No. 4: OnlyFans

The immediate shock of the situation has now worn off, Style has had a little time to process and now he's ready to fight again. There is still so much anger in Style, but now we can also see just how hurt he actually is. This is even more evident when we go back to episodes 1 and 2 where we've seen this whole thing play out before: Fadel humiliates Style in private and Style retaliates by humiliating Fadel in public. Fadel drags Style out of the diner by his feet in the privacy of the closed restaurant. Style yells at him in front of everyone at a busy market place in return. Fadel leaves Style hanging in the privacy of the diner kitchen whose only staff is Fadel himself. Style yells at him in front of every customer at the restaurant in return.

When Fadel drags Style out of the restaurant in episode 1, Style is of course angry and humiliated. And sure, it did hurt his pride, but it's mostly just that. Fadel, at this point, is mostly just some weird, grumpy dude to him that he has now been hired to hit on. Back then Style wasn't expecting that fake-out either, but it doesn't leave him as stunned as it did this time in the kitchen. In episode 1, he even tries to fight Fadel. He can't do much while he's being pulled along the floor, but as soon as Style is back on his feet he immediately starts raging at the door, pulling at the handles and banging at it. In the kitchen, Style is too stunned to put up a fight and actively runs away instead of fighting Fadel.

When Style yells at Fadel in the market place, while it comes from a place of revenge it's still something he does for show. His words are loud and dramatic and they're for everyone around them to hear more than they are for Fadel himself. It's all a public performance to Style. And the audience is everyone at the market. It's about making everyone see how "bad" of a guy Fadel is and it doesn't really matter whether Fadel is listening to his words or not as long as his words reach his true audience and they believe him. Style is clearly having fun yelling at Fadel while also using the chance to blow off some steam from his previous annoyances with Fadel. When Fadel yields, Style immediately lets it go and chills again.

When Style yells at Fadel at the diner, he's once again causing a scene in public, but this time his words are for Fadel to hear, not for the strangers around them. The fact that there's strangers around them is just a welcome bonus and I think in that moment Style doesn't even really care if any of them are actually listening in or not, as long as his words reach Fadel. Style's voice is sharp as a knife, sharper than we've ever heard it before, and every sentence he utters is a stab at Fadel. When Fadel hands him the apron and tells him to leave, Style agrees, but he speaks out a warning first ("But just keep in mind: Nobody gets to nail and bail me."). His fighting spirit has come back, and when Fadel launches a counterattack ("I’ll be the first"), Style does not back down this time around like he did earlier in the kitchen. It's Fadel who walks away this time and Style reminds him that he'll continue to fight him ("A guy like Style won’t back down"). It's only when he walks out of the restaurant that he turns his argument with Fadel into an actual public performance. It's only when he invites everyone at the restaurant to take pictures of him that his words are for show and for his audience to hear.

We've just watched a situation that we've seen before play out but this time around it's very different. Because this time around Fadel actually means something to Style. And this time around Style has already slept with Fadel, which also meant something to him. I'm not entirely sure Style has quite figured out what exactly it all means to him and I also don't think he's head over heels in love with Fadel yet, but he sure is starting to have many emotions. While Style was also enraged back in episode 1 after Fadel dragged him out of the diner, his anger has leveled up now because this time around, underneath all of that anger, Style is also very hurt. They were starting to make progress and Style even got to celebrate small victories along the way (Fadel making him a burger, Fadel actually sleeping with him, Fadel asking about his whereabouts). Style was starting to get somewhere with Fadel, was slowly starting to develop some feelings of his own for Fadel, and Fadel just goes and kicks down Style's sandcastle. What's more, Style has made it very clear to Fadel how he feels about getting nailed and bailed, and then Fadel just goes and does it on purpose.

Style is so angry and hurt that this time around just one public yelling isn't enough. This time he goes for a round 2.

No. 5: A Ruined Man

Style is back at the support group. This time it's not to find out more about Fadel's backstory, this time he is here because he has a message for Fadel. And this time Style's distress isn't cringe, because this time the situation is serious to him. He is seriously angry, and he is seriously hurt, and it's important to him that Fadel is fully aware of it, aware of what he's done to Style.

"When you like someone, and they only think of you as a toy, something they can break, they don’t even know how deep they have cut you."

Oh, Style. I hope you don't end up eating your own words later when Fadel finds out why exactly you were hitting on him and trying to get him to fall for you in the first place.

No. 6: Are These Systoms of Being Pregarnt?

This time Fadel is so done with Style that he drags him away in front of everyone else instead of waiting until no one is around. And Style is finally able to have somewhat of a civil conversation with Fadel again. While he is still angry at Fadel since they still haven't cleared up their quarrel, he is no longer outright yelling at him or attacking Fadel with his words like he was at the diner or in the group meeting just now. The tone of his voice is softer and also his dramatic flair is back when he goes on and on about how he might as well be pregnant. And we also learn what exactly it is that Style wants from Fadel: "You slept with me, so take responsibility for it."

I've already talked at length about why I think Style isn't one for casual, no strings attached one-night stands in my ep3 meta, and Style's words here highlight this once again. The storage room sex mattered to Style. And I don't think it mattered to him because it was a step closer to fulfilling the mission he's been sent on and a step closer to getting the car of his dreams.

If you read my ep3 meta, you'll know that I mention a couple of times that Style is developing "positive feelings" for Fadel. Phrasing it like this rather than phrasing it as "romantic feelings" or "starting to like" was a very deliberate decision. Because I don't think Style was quite there yet in episode 3. He still had many other ulterior motivations and intentions going on, be it Kant's "hit on Fadel so I can get to Bison" mission that Style gets a car out of or Style being nosy about Fadel's lore. If you remember, at the beginning of this meta when Style woke up with a boner I said Style may have a bit of a problem now. The problem is his own feelings – this whole episode hasn't been about Kant's mission or the car anymore (or about Style finding out Fadel's backstory). Instead, this whole episode we've been exploring Style's real feelings, his own desires. Style has started to care when it comes to Fadel, has started to genuinely want him. Style is starting to genuinely like Fadel now. He even lets it slip during the support group meeting:

"When you like someone, and they only think of you as a toy, something they can break, they don’t even know how deep they have cut you."

And yes, one could argue that he's been saying he likes Fadel ever since Kant set him on Fadel and that Style, in fact, has said he likes Fadel many, many times before, so this is nothing out of the ordinary. But I think this time it is in fact different. I think this time he means it. Because if it was just a lie, if those were just empty words, then Fadel dumping him in the kitchen wouldn't have hurt so much. And at this point, I think Style's hurt isn't only about being dumped in the kitchen but also about being ditched in the storage room. Style may have said he won't hold what happened back then against Fadel, but maybe deep down he does. Because the storage room sex mattered to him and at this point of the episode maybe it matters to him even more so than at the beginning of the episode or at the end of episode 3. Not to mentioned, he really doesn't like getting nailed and bailed. You slept with me, so take responsibility for it.

No. 7: I Hate the Way I Don't Hate You. Not Even a Little Bit. Not Even at All.

"You're not killing me or anything like that, right?" Style says as they're walking out of their last scene and Fadel promptly takes him out to the woods into an abandoned greenhouse. They still haven't cleared anything up between the two of them and Style is still kinda angry, which is why I think that when he says "Are we doing it outdoors? Your taste sure surprises me" he says it mostly to piss Fadel off, not because he wants to flirt or actually do it with him in that moment (oh but just you wait another few minutes 🤭🤭🤭).

Fadel once again just wordlessly walks away from Style. Instead of following him, Style stays back at the car, kinda annoyed. We don't know how long exactly Style was waiting, but either way, I think he does lowkey start to get freaked out a little. He wants to go home and starts looking for Fadel.

"I know you’re gonna kill me and hide my body in the woods." Oh Style, sweetie, no. Careful with your words. Apollo's ball of prophecy and all that. Right after that, we get yet another reference to Style not being scared of Fadel. When he enters the greenhouse, searching for Fadel while monologuing, he shouts:

But I ain't scared of you!

Fun fact, in Thai he actually phrases it as "You think I'm scared of you?":

มึงคิดว่ากูกลัวมึงหรอ [mueng - kít wâa - guu - gluua - mueng - rŏr] you - think that - I - scared (of) - you - [question word]

It is night-time, Style walks along dark aisles in search of Fadel who ran away from him and is currently nowhere to be seen, when suddenly, out of nowhere Fadel appears, shoves him into some furniture (ish) and angrily yells into his face: "Who sent you?" Oh, wait, wrong episode.

User @secriden wrote an excellent post detailing the parallels between the ep3 storage room scene and the ep4 forest scene, but I actually think that the beginning of the scene is much closer to a different scene that we saw in episode 2: the locker room scene. It's interesting because this is the third time this episode calls back to the first two episodes. It starts with the parallel of Fadel's fake-out, then we had the parallel of Style publicly humiliating Fadel, and now we have a call-back to the locker room scene, which will soon turn into a parallel of the storage room hook-up. The parallels do be paralleling this episode.

In the locker room, it was Style who dropped a "love confession": "I like you. I liked you the moment I crashed into you that night. It was love at first sight. So damn romantic. Straight out of a movie." But now in the greenhouse it's Fadel's turn. Fadel ambushes Style, shoves him against the bars and starts raging. Fadel has yelled at Style a lot over the past few episodes. He yells at Style to reprimand him, to shoot down his advances, or to tell him to piss off. When Fadel yells at Style, it's all about his feelings of disdain he has for Style. So when Fadel says "I don’t like you messing up my life. My life has been planned out. You’re disrupting it," Style sighs a little and braces himself for yet another fight against Fadel:

But then Fadel goes off-script. "I don’t like myself when I look for you on the morning jog or at the market. I don’t like waiting to see if you’d show up at my restaurant or my go-to club. You— I don’t like you being in my life and changing it."

This is a new one. Style listens intently.

Fadel continues. "I don’t like feeling like this." Style has all his focus entirely on Fadel and his words now. He squeezes his eyes just the tiniest bit. And I think this is where Style starts to figure out the core of Fadel's problem.

"I don’t like it!", Fadel yells and Style looks at him with so much resolution and with so much understanding.

And then Fadel drops: "I don’t like that I miss you."

Fun fact about the word คิดถึง [kít-tĕung]: apart from "to miss", it can also have the meaning of "to think of, to think about". So another possible interpretation and underlying meaning of this line is "I don't like that I think about you."

Something vital that I want to bring up at this point now is something that @secriden has pointed out in her meta:

It's incredibly important that Style waited at this point. Style, who talks endlessly and without thought. Style, who demands that his story and his thoughts are aired first. Style, who has been telling Fadel this lie time and time again before Fadel’s feelings made it true... Stops. Waits. Stays silent. Because Fadel had to get there himself or not at all.

And get there, Fadel did. Fadel has just spilled that he thinks about Style, that he misses him. That Style's efforts have been worth it. That Fadel has started caring the way Style has started to care. Style looks at Fadel, takes it all in.

Style finally understands Fadel's problem, finally understands why Fadel has been acting the way he's been acting.

When Style kisses Fadel, there is so much purpose, so much intent to it. Style has something to say, something important, and every single thing on his mind, every single emotion, he puts it all into that kiss. And what he has to say is:

Yes. The caption in the gif is different from the official English subtitles. Because Style literally says:

มันโอเค​นะเว้ย ที่จะมีความรักอ่ะ [man - oh-keh - ná wóiie • thêe - jà - mee kwaam rák - àh] it - okay - [particle] • that - will - be in love - [particle]

And this is a distinction that is important to me personally. Phrasing it as "It's okay to be in love" is by far more specific than "It's okay to love" and I think this particular word choice hits Fadel harder as well. Fadel likes control, he likes knowing exactly what's going on at any given moment. But then Style shows up as a whirlwind in his life, bringing disorder to everything. Fadel is starting to develop feelings that he can't control and it freaks him out.

When Style kissed Fadel in the locker room it was an attack in the battle he was fighting against him. When Style kisses Fadel in the greenhouse, it's for reassurance. Style puts everything he wants to say with "It's okay to be in love" into that line. It's okay to let go. It's okay to let things take their natural course. It's okay to be in love. You're allowed to have feelings. It's not a bad thing. It's okay. It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay.

And with this we go into the parallels to the storage room scene. If you remember my ep3 meta, then you'll remember how I said that Style didn't really mean it at the time when he said he wanted Fadel right before they hook up. This time he didn't say a single word about it, but his actions show that he does want Fadel this time. Once again I'm gonna steal a thought from @clemelntine's meta:

[Style] isn't entirely giving in/passive in the situation, though. He still has a hands on Fadel holding him close/in place, and does seem to want to touch him. No matter how much he wants Fadel to service him, he isn't gonna let him do it all on his own. He too wants to explore Fadel as well.

We can really see that this time around. Unlike in the storage room, Style has his hands all over the place: on Fadel's throat, underneath Fadel's shirt, in Fadel's pants, pulling Fadel closer with his arm around Fadel's neck. What's more, there's significantly more eye contact. Fadel actually looks Style in the eye now. It's still not as much and as intense as in Style's fantasy, because they're still not quite there yet emotionally, but it's a start. They've both started to develop some actual feelings, and this time around they're also both aware of it. Of their own feelings as well as the other's feelings. Where last time they were acting purely on physical attraction, they're much more emotionally involved this time around. Emotionally they're much more on the same page this time around. And it's beautiful.

Also, I haven't seen anyone talk about this yet, but we are all aware that they show us pretty much the entire act from start to, uhhh well, finish, right? Right?? 🫣

No. 8: Be My Boyfriend

Not for the first time Style says he wants Fadel as a boyfriend. Unlike the other times though, Style actually means it this time around. His words are no longer for show, no longer a performance that will be rewarded with Kant's gratitude and his car. Style is being 100% serious about being Fadel's boyfriend. The car is more of an afterthought (and one that he will get to, because a deal is a deal, and he's been in love with the car much longer than he's had any positive feelings for Fadel for, but still. Right there in the woods, I think the car isn't really on his mind at the time).

Style means every flirty thing he says. He means it when he says "You’re mysterious and alluring. You’re quiet, but sexy as hell". If you remember, during the kitchen scene I mentioned that Style wasn't as loud in the flirty things he said, and we can really see that in the aforementioned line and also when he says "[Having a boyfriend is] great. You have someone to embrace, to love, and to…" These lines are much less loud and less performative than compared to everything that came out of his mouth in ep3 on the sports field.

By the way, I need you all to know that this exchange:

F: I’ll stick with jerking off. S: I’m sure.

Actually goes:

F: I can jerk off by myself. กูชักว่าวอยู่เองได้ [guu - chák wâao - yùu - eng - dâai] I - masturbate - be - (by) oneself/myself - be able to S: I know you can do it yourself. รู้ว่ามึงทำเองได้ [rúu wâa - mueng - tam - eng - dâai] know that - you - do - (by) oneself/yourself - be able to

And where did we get a similar exchange before? That's right. In that very scene at the sports field that I just mentioned:

F: If you want it that much, then go jerk off. ถ้าอยากมากเนี่ยก็ไปชักว่าวไป [tâa - yàak - mâak - nîia - gôr - bpai - chák wâao - bpai] if - want - much - [particle] - then - go - masturbate - go S: I know it can be done alone. รู้มันทำคนเดียวได้ [rúu - man - tam - kon diiao - dâai] know - it - do - alone - be able to

The words they say are similar, and yet these two exchanges are very different from one another. Just like in the kitchen, Style's flirting in the woods is much more grounded. It's not the same performance as it was in episode 3. And just as I said in my ep3 meta, it's when Style is being genuine that he actually reaches Fadel, not when he's putting up a show:

The inauthenticity in [Style's] insistent approach is what makes him annoying in those scenes [the running track and the market]. And it's also not what works on Fadel – it's when Style is being genuine that he actually reaches Fadel, like when he was helping him wait tables (which Fadel recognizes by rewarding him with a burger) or when Style was being playfully flirty in the sauna (which results in Fadel fantasizing about him at night).

What's interesting, though, that even though this is the very first time Fadel actually engages in Style's friendly banter and amiable conversation instead of ignoring him or yelling at him or telling him to piss off, at the beginning of the conversation Style doesn't have Fadel quite just yet. Actually, no. That's not accurate. Style is being genuine, has been genuine all episode already and so he does reach Fadel in the beginning of their conversation. Fadel is finally engaging, is finally getting involved. But then Style loses him again at a certain point. And it's specifically when he says:

But isn't it better to have someone like me with you?

Up until this very point, Fadel was mostly turned towards Style. He's smiled, he's laughed, he's rolled his eyes in amusement and he's actively taken part in Style's conversation. He's been more open with Style than he's ever been before. But now? He stares at Style for a moment, then turns away from him, closing himself off from Style again.

And it's interesting that this is happening at this specific point, because their entire conversation has mostly surrounded sex (adjacent) things and physical attraction. They literally start this conversation referencing their hook-up from right before, Style calls Fadel sexy, and then alludes that he wants to sleep with him again. And I think by the time Style says "I know you can [jerk off] by yourself. But isn’t it better to have someone like me with you?" Fadel is at a point where he's like Oh, so you only want to be my boyfriend just so you can do me again, huh? So this is all I am to you, huh?

Fadel isn't cool with that and so he starts to shut himself off from Style again. Style is rejected again. Style turns his head away from Fadel, sighs, raises his eyebrows, and I think he realizes (at least subconsciously) what Fadel is unhappy about, because the next thing he says the moment he's turned back to Fadel is:

What you said to me just now... I feel the same way.

And again, he's being sincere. His voice is calm and grounded, there's not a single trace of his dramatic antics. And that line and coupled with that sincerity has Fadel listening up again:

"Be my boyfriend," Style says and Fadel listens even more closely. "Give me a chance," Style says and Fadel looks away, laughs, and replies "You don’t even know me". Fadel's words are a challenge, but this time there is no malice, no anger, no annoyance in his voice. His voice is soft. Fadel poses a challenge, but it's not an invitation to fight. Or rather, it is an invitation to fight, but it's a very different fight from before. And Style is only happy to take up said challenge: "And what about it? I’ll learn more about you when you’re my boyfriend."

And for what he says next, I'd love to share a more literal translation with you again. In the English subs Style talks about being 100% in and it being Fadel's turn to let him in, which, yeah, it's the gist of it. However, in Thai he uses the word เปิดใจ [bpèrt jai] again, which I've already talked about in my ep3 meta because Style has used that word before during that scene where Fadel hands him the burger. The day after posting that meta, I actually asked my Thai teacher about this word in class (and nearly died in the process) because I hadn't discussed this word with a native speaker for my meta and while I had discussed this word with my Thai language learning buddy after he brought it up when I was trying to explain the German phrase "sich einlassen auf" (@ German speakers: เปิดใจ is very similar to that!), I just couldn't remember it well and wanted to double check just in case. According to my teacher, it's a word that is used to talk about opening up to something or about giving things a chance, but the literal translation is "to open one's heart" (เปิด [bpèrt] = to open / ใจ [jai] = heart, mind) and I think the series makes use of that literal meaning for a nice metaphor/image here. I think Style's choice of words is very deliberate:

I've opened my heart to you 100% already. กูเปิดใจให้มึงร้อยเปอร์เซนต์แล้วนะ [guu - bpèrt-jai - hâi - mueng - rói - bper-sen - láew - ná] I - open up (one's heart) - for, to - you - 100 - percent - already - [particle]

Only you remain. เหลือแค่มึงอ่ะ [lĕuua - kâe - mueng - àh] remain, left - only - you - [particle]

How much will you open your heart to me? จะเปิดใจให้กูมากแค่ไหน [jà - bpèrt-jai - hâi - guu - mâak kâe năi] will - open up (one's heart) - to, for - I/me - how much

Fadel, who has enclosed his heart in thick, high walls, is being asked how many doors leading up to it he is willing to open. Style subtly reminds Fadel that a relationship consists of two people, but leaves the decision of just how close Fadel will let Style get to his heart entirely up to Fadel. Because that's Fadel's choice to make.

While Style is talking, Fadel is listening intently, really taking in Style's words and contemplating them:

He's quiet for a moment after Style is done telling him You have full access to my heart now. I'm willing to give you a chance. I've done my part. The choice is on you now. Will you grant me access to your heart, too? Will you give me a chance as well?

Fadel thinks about it for a bit more, then laughs a small laugh, throws his head back, and goes "Yeah. Fine." Style is confused. Fadel then explicitly agrees to be his boyfriend. Style's eyes widen. He can't believe his ears. He has to ask for confirmation, has to make sure he really heard it right:

We're boyfriends, right? เป็นแฟนกันใช่มั้ย [bpen - faen - gan - châi mái] be - boyfriend, girlfriend - each other, together - right?

Fadel confirms. Style is absolutely over the moon and showers Fadel in kisses.

Do I think they're already in love? Not exactly. Unfortunately, I just don't have the time to look at Fadel as closely as I have been looking at Style (I need 48h days fr 😭😭) but when it comes to Style, I think even if he's not in love just yet, this is the start of something real. We saw in episode 3 that he was starting to develop positive feelings towards Fadel, was starting to genuinely have a good time hanging around Fadel, but he still had ulterior motives in the foreground of his mind. I think when he hooked up with Fadel in the storage room that kicked off something within him because, as I've made very clear in my ep3 meta, to Style sex isn't just sex. Because if it was, his journey this episode would have been going very differently. But throughout this entire episode Style has cared, he has cared so much to the point he's gotten really hurt. And his joy when Fadel agrees to be his boyfriend? That's real. And I don't think it's because he's about to receive the car of his dreams as a reward. If it was, I think Style would have been much more smug about Fadel agreeing to be his boyfriend, would have been much more self-satisfied underneath all that happiness. But Style's joy here is pure. And he doesn't brag about finally "winning" Fadel over, doesn't hold it over his head in a smug HAH, you gave in to me, I'm the one who won our battle of wills, look how cool I am sort of way. Style's joy is real, but what he's feeling is not quite love at this point. But so what if they're not in love just yet? Like Style said: They can get to know each other fall in love when they're boyfriends.

No. 8: Apollo's Ball Of Prophecy Is Real

Remember how a couple of paragraphs ago I said the car was just an afterthought, that Style would still get to? Well, he's getting to it now. He shows up at Kant's place and "When should I come and get your car?" is the first thing out of his mouth right after his hellos. Kant reminds Style of their deal and asks if Fadel has agreed to be Style's boyfriend. Style says "yes", shining brightly as the sun as he says this. And the way he shines while dropping this info to Kant makes me once again think that his happiness here is more focused on Fadel rather than the car. Style is a little smug now, but it's mostly before Kant mentions the words "Fadel" and "faen" together in one single sentence (yes, I had to go with the Thai word for boyfriend just for the alliteration lol). When Style says yes, Fadel is in fact his boyfriend now, the subtext I'm hearing is not something along the lines of Yeah, I finally got him, so where's my beloved car at, bro, we had a deal???? but what I'm hearing is more like Yes!! He is!! Can you believe!! Fadel is my BOYFRIEND!! Omg!! I did it!! Just like we'll see in the flashback to the "be my boyfriend" scene right after, there is something rather pure about Style's complete and utter joy at the thought of Fadel being his boyfriend.

Style relays the "be my boyfriend" conversation to Kant and it's only after that that Style really starts bragging: "Your best friend is a genius, isn’t he? I told you I can get anyone." And yeah, undeniably this is about the fact that he's getting a car out of it, but I also think that he would have bragged about it even if the deal with the car didn't exist. Kant and Style seem to have the sort of friendship where they always brag to each other about their love lives. We were shown this in episode 1 when Kant goes to see Style at the garage and Style immediately asks for the tea on his night with Bison, pretty much begging Kant to brag about it when Kant tries to change the topic to something else. Style would have bragged about Fadel to Kant no matter what. Besides, why wouldn't he go get the car, despite actual feelings being involved now? A deal is a deal, and if he can get the car of his dreams and the boyfriend of his dreams out of it, that's even better. Best of both worlds. Who wouldn't say no to that?

But Style's happiness gets smacked right out of him via Apollo's ball of prophecy as he learns that he should really be very careful what he jokes about. He almost spoke Fadel taking him out to the woods to kill him into existence. Fadel is a hitman. Style's panic gets the better of him. He has seen, felt on his own body even what Fadel is capable of. He doesn't like Fadel that much yet, so he's outta there before he gets to experience first hand the real depths of what Fadel can be capable of if Style gets too annoying. Car be damned. Style may be unhinged but he isn't suicidal.

Kant, however, manages to talk Style into helping him and staying with Fadel anyway. Now, you could say Style is unhinged for agreeing to help Kant instead of firmly refusing his request and getting out of this mess before it gets worse, but I think in that moment Style is genuinely afraid that Fadel WILL kill him if Style breaks up with him, breaks his heart right after Fadel has finally, finally given him closer access to it. And Style has had to work very hard for said access, so he knows very well how big that decision was for Fadel to entrust Style with just a little bit of his heart. And if Style then goes and breaks that little bit of Fadel's heart that he was given in the very next moment? That's a death sentence on Style's head right there.

And another reason why I think Style agrees to continue working for Kant's mission is that Style likes to help. I've already touched on this in my ep3 meta:

Style likes to help. We see this in the way he agrees to help his best friend by hitting on some weirdo guy (yes, of course he's also getting a car out of this deal, but I think part of the reason why he agrees to the deal is also because he genuinely wants to help Kant find love), we see this in the way he immediately takes orders from customers no questions asked in episode 2 right before he meets Bison, and we'll see this even later this episode [ep3] when he throws himself into the fight despite having no fighting skills whatsoever, just because he thinks three against one is unfair and wants to help.

Helping people is something that comes easy to Style, something he doesn't really have to think about, and so when Kant practically begs him to help Style can't do anything but agree to help Kant because not helping would go entirely against the nature of his character. Also, who could resist First's puppy eyes? Valid, absolutely valid. I, too, would fold like thin paper if First looked at me like That.

No. 9: Over Your Limit

Style is at the gym, probably in an attempt to work off some of the overwhelming emotions that Kant's reveal has left him with. What's interesting is, as @secriden noted, that Style decided to go there during daytime. From episode 2, both we, the audience, as well as Style know that Fadel likes to go to the gym at night specifically to avoid crowds. It's probably safe to assume that Style went there during the day specifically in order to avoid Fadel.

So Style sits there, lost in his memories, recontextualizing everything that happened at the greenhouse, processing Kant's news, rethinking his decision. Unfortunately for him, he's already made his choice the moment he agreed to help Kant, and so in the end Style goes Fuck it, I'm doing this.

Unexpectedly, Fadel shows up. Style hadn't been mentally prepared for that and despite his fuck it attitude just mere seconds ago (17, to be exact), his instincts kick in and he panics. Everything within him is screaming at him get away from this man, your life is in danger and so Style immediately rejects Fadel's offer for help: "I can’t do it anyway. I was pushing my limits."

Style is pushing his limits. Hitting on a guy? Sure, that's fine. Making him his boyfriend, despite said guy having walls as thick as the Great Wall of China? A little challenge, but nothing Style can't handle. But dating someone who is a professional killer, someone who is capable of taking lives and might very well be capable of taking his own boyfriend's life if need may be? That really is pushing any limit Style could ever have even as much as dreamed of. He can't do it.

But despite every instinct within Style telling him to run away, Style doesn't, because that would be suspicious and Style can't risk Fadel getting suspicious because that would seal his deathly fate even quicker. So Style hesitantly leans back and lets Fadel help him. And here at this point, I just wanna give a little shout out to Style raising his eyebrows and sighing a little after they're done, like whew, I survived that, I'm still alive, because it makes me giggle:

When Fadel alludes to wanting to have sex, Style plays dumb. Style has used this strategy before when he wanted to find out the connection between Fadel and the host club, but where in ep3 Style was playing dumb in order to gain Fadel's trust, here at the gym Style is playing dumb in order to delay having to get close to Fadel again (much less sleeping with him) while he figures out a way to get out of it. When Fadel cuddles up to him, it's the last straw. Style's panic takes over for good and he makes an escape. But then Fadel calls out to him, asking him to wait. Shit. Style's fight for his life is not yet over. Style stops, trying not to be suspicious or to do anything else that would give Fadel a motive to kill him.

Fadel walks up to him and wipes the sweat of his face. Where before Fadel's touch has recently been making Style feel good, it now feels very threatening instead. Yet, at the same time it's also a kind and caring gesture, which is something that isn't lost on Style.

Style very much notices the care in Fadel's action, but his new perspective on Fadel makes it hard for him to embrace and appreciate the kindness of it. And the kindness and care also contradicts the image of the ruthless killer Style now has in his mind of Fadel. These two contrasting aspects simply do not go together. Unable to cope, Style runs off.

The Attempt of a Conclusion

Where Style had just a little bit of a problem at the beginning of the episode, by the end of it that problem has grown much larger than he could have ever anticipated. Over the course of episode 3 we saw that Style was slowly starting to develop some positive feelings for Fadel, was slowly starting to actively enjoy hanging out around him, was starting to get curious about Fadel of his own accord and not for motives connected to the deal. Yet, the deal was still very much always there. In episode 4, however? Style might not have entirely realized it yet, but that deal is no longer relevant to him. Not showing up to the morning jogging or at the market might still have been a planned strategy in the mission Kant gave him, but that mission goes right out the window the moment he hears that Fadel had asked about him. When Style goes running to Fadel the second he is told that Fadel had asked about him when actually Style could and probably should have played his game a little longer, really letting Fadel stew, from that moment onward it's all about Style's own feelings rather than the car. And everything he does this episode is led by those feelings. Over the course of this episode we see that Style has genuinely started to like Fadel. And he had to. He had to start liking Fadel before learning about Fadel's real job. Because the higher you are, the further you fall and Style accidentally having caught feelings makes the drop down worse, for both Style, the character as well as us, the audience. Style genuinely likes Fadel now, and if that wasn't enough of a problem already, the man he likes turns out to be a professional killer.

Crap, indeed.

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep11 | Ep12)

[rapidhighway]

Not enough possession in sonic we gotta change that

[ghcstpyre]

I love SPICY I love TED I love HEADCANONS i love YOU <3

sorry this has taken me so long to get to, I have the memory and attention span of a very stupid bug. this has been in my drafts for absolutely AGES so it needs reworking but here's what I've got so far! sidenote: I LOVE YOU TOO!!! 💖💖💖💖 station 🫡

-----

ted isn't fussed at all about pda - holding hands, wrapping his arms around you, kissing but nothing too overboard - but the moment he has you all to himself it's as if he's incapable of keeping his hands to himself and he almost always gets carried away, even if there isn't time for it. he'll touch and grope you every chance he gets on every part of you he can't in public; thighs, hips, ass and tits. you're just too totally bodacious, how can he resist?

he looooooves kissing you. he considers it one of his favourite hobbies. and, he's actually really, really good at it. ted's kisses always leave you weak at the knees. he loves using tongue too and will sometimes get a kick out of trying to guess what the last thing you ate was after making out. not often however - making out usually leaves him too horny for jokes and games.

[nyhne]

.

[hp-lonesome-actual-art]

Another batch or Mr. Puzzles quick sketches. I kept forgetting to draw his side pocket in the last couple ones. Random character featured in the little comic-ish Live Interview is some version of doodlesona. Can’t guarantee the dialogue will be believable/sound in character for Puzzles because honestly I’m still working on understanding his talking style and when he sarcastically jokes around or when he chooses to be serious and drop performance act. But in the off chance you wanna read it goes from left to right with reading

[stabyou]

been kind of manic lately it's fucking weird after having been so depressed for like 7 months. it's like oh there you are you crazy minx

[kebriones]

I know nothing about Alcibiades, so as an Alcibiades enthusiast how would you describe his personality 🤔

hmmmm

Okay so he's manipulative (in the charming/always knows the right thing to say way), very vindictive and petty, has an inflated sense of self-importance, he doesn't appear to be needlessly cruel or bloodthristy or distructive except for when he feels slighted, he's super, suuuuper ambitious, he's crazy adaptive.

He likes luxury, spending money and doing grand, impressive or excessive things. I'd say he has a lot of complex little things about him in plato's work, like, he's conflicted about what he should do with himself, or he seems to understand the value of virtue and justice and being good. But he admits that he has trouble controlling himself, or letting go of his ambitions and dealing with his shortcomings. For example, he understands that it's not a good thing that he lets himself get swayed by the need to please the crowds and thus forgets to tend to his soul. So, he also seems to crave love/attention. And when he does good stuff, it's hard to know if he's doing it out of caring for others or primarily for himself.

[eye-of-yelough]

i haven’t even talked about his backstory yet and im currently tweaking it anyway but whatever here’s Aeryn’s foster parents, sister and the warlock who mentored him after he killed them

which i’m kinda on the fence about. on one hand, it gives him those fun gortash parallels, i mean obviously he didn’t grow up in The Hells like gort did, but it gives them enough “oh yes, that highly specific childhood experience from dealing with Infernals, i had that too!” and of course gives me an easier time figuring out how his pact came to be.

on the other hand. do i really want to give Yet Another authority figure who mistreated him. because a lot of aeryn’s uhh Whole Deal is because he’s just never been treated as an equal or shown unconditional love by anyone. which on its own isn’t too “cringy” of a character trait but like. another asshole? really? it’s getting a little unrealistic. (is coming up with a backstory for an alien child of the god of murder)

anyway i think if he DID spend a good few years with this warlock guy he would’ve found out about his Heritage way before joining the cult, which he doesn’t do until quite a bit later than most durges. probably around 20. and i think that heritage is why his patron (great old one in case you’re wondering) took interest.

[bookshelf-in-progress]

Things I have learned today:

Evernote is useful for letting me put multiple versions of drafts and scenes and outlines all in one place, so I can try things out without making a jumbled mess of documents. This is very helpful in the early draft phase when I'm second-guessing everything and want to change things without destroying old versions.

I shouldn't second-guess myself so much. It's good to follow my instincts and let things develop naturally, instead of trying to make everything fit into a certain mold right away.

This especially applies to characters. So what if you don't know your MC? So what if she seems like all your other heroines? Just let her go through the story and then figure out who she is. If you step back for a second and stop being judgemental, you can work with the good in the initial idea instead of muddling everything up by trying to get rid of the bad.

[heyassbuttlmao]

hi can I just say. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. okay I'm done carry on with your day

[yaniasogames]

im starting to think i def have inattentive adhd