#I have a doctors appointment tomorrow… technically today.

[t-the-ring-master]

I saw a YouTube short of a skit, and it was the kid pretending to faint and saying “I’m going to faint” before flopping to the floor, and the mom said “you know, people don’t announce when they are gonna faint.”

And as someone who has fainted, and fainted often- that is completely untrue 🤣

One time I was out and with some family (my dad, mom, C, our brother and his now wife and her family.) and I went with my sister to the bathroom at the hockey game and went “I think I’m going down… yep, going down.” And crashed out 🤣. Keep in mind I’m one of those people who faint and wake up super quick but take a hot second to recover, so I was on the bathroom floor trying to recover and eating a natured valley bar I snuck in for my blood sugar. Thankfully I don’t think anyone else was in the bathroom or really cared haha. I couldn’t hear anything and my vision was blurry and I felt extremely hot.

But yeah, I announce when I’m going down so someone can catch me because I just drop. Like straight down I drop…. Anyways thanks C for keeping me from getting a concussion.

[cyberstabbing]

so dizzy and so out of it and once again my life in spiraling out of control due to my own laziness and procrastination

[hetchiew]

I have an important doctors appointment tomorrow (actually, technically today since it’s 12:01 a.m. lol) and I’m lowkey terrified😅

Anyways, I’ll update y’all on how it goes!🤞

[mewtwoandme]

seeing that the weeks Almost over :D

How you doing?

Today's technically my last day of work so one more hour and I'm free XD

Im taking tomorrow off cause I made a doctors appointment for my left heel, I've been having issues with it for a few months now but I finally caved and want to get it checked ^^;

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all! Weird question time, not really a medical question, more a question about doctors office response times? Below a read more in case you want to skip it:

So, last week I may or may not have passed out*, in a way different to the times I may or may not (almost definitely have) passed out before, because this time my blood pressure was not low and my heart rate was not high. I am someone with a long history of cardiac-adjacent issues, endocrine and/or brain related issues, and neurological issues**. I called my primary care doctor early afternoon on Wednesday and did not hear back from his office until after 5pm on Thursday, though the very helpful nurse I spoke to at the front desk squeezed me in for an appointment with a different doc at the same location on Thursday morning. I called my neurologist at the same time Wednesday, and I did not hear back from their office until today, the following Monday. They also were not calling to schedule an appointment. They were calling to see if I'd gotten my referral to an ENT that they send in five months ago, and mentioned they'd gotten my message that I'd "had an incident". I had to get transferred to someone else and say "I saw my primary care doctor already because you did not return my messages and I'd passed out. He did some bloodwork that all turned up normal and told me to talk to my neurologist" before they even considered getting me an appointment (which they did not do! They said they'd call me back tomorrow!) The question: Is that an unreasonable response time? It feels like an unreasonable response time to me, from both my PCP and my neurologist, honestly. Like, the nurse at the PCP's facility got me in to see another doctor, but my PCP didn't know and didn't respond for over a day, and my neurologist took five days and wouldn't schedule an appointment. I suspect the combo of past history of heart and neurological issues and passing out for the first time in years should be the sort of thing that rings alarm bells, right? *when I felt like I was going to fall down if I did not immediately lie down, I chose to lie down and had my eyes closed while lying down and I think I lost time? hard to tell though **I have tachycardia but it's never ever out of rhythm, so technically I don't have heart issues? The tachycardia tends to alarm new doctors though, like I get an express pass to an EKG immediately at the ER. The endocrine and/or brain issue is the salt wasting syndrome. Might be endocrine! Might be brain damage! Hard to tell! Thought it was endocrine for a long time but there's overlap. The neurological issues are migraines and brain fog.

[teecupangel]

Hey, everyone.

So, if you might have noticed, today (technically yesterday)'s posts were left to the queue.

That was not intentional. My sister's and my doctor's appointment went longer than I expected so I wasn't able to answer any asks I got. I'll get to them tomorrow (technically later) before we go for our lab tests.

Now, the important part:

March 13's postings are still a go, no worries there.

However, my sister and I will be going to surgery once we get the clearance from our doctor and we decided to do it one at a time so the other person can take care of whoever had surgery.

The tentative date I have for my surgery (as long as nothing changed) would fall on April 4... Which coincidentally is Ratonhnhaké:ton's birthday.

It's a low-risk surgery so no worries but this does mean that there will be no big upload for Ratonhnhaké:ton's birthday. :(

I'll keep you guys posted if any weekly upload will be affected due to this but, as of right now, I am totally unsure.

[boldlyvoid]

Tomorrow (today technically) I’m buying pint for my room and then Tuesday I have a follow up with my doctor about my blood tests and I have to persuade him to let me get a ct scan cause my kidneys or gallbladder or something inside me fucking hurts so bad and then Friday I have a psychiatry appointment with my new psychiatrist and I need to prepare the “why I have autism even tho yall won’t fucking listen to me” master doc so this week is going to make me go insane

[factorialsfandoms]

ack it sounds like you had a crazy day 🥴

Honestly? Yesterday wasn't so bad in the scheme of the last... month? two months? Honestly bar 'I don't have the help I need' problem it was fine up until a time which was technically today when housemate handed me my post. It just keeps going.

I'm just really hoping I do actually go for my night away at the end of the month, because I extremely need the break.

Below follows a rant.

In the post was a letter from the hospital which /sounded/ like a discharge letter. I have not had the test the doctor wanted done yet, only a different test I'd previously had done but was told I had to redo to be allowed the new one as it'd been a year. The pre-test test picked up a /different/ thing to what I was seeing him about and he seems to have assumed that was the entire problem. I know its different - I have two unique symptom sets one of which is multiple times a day which is annoying but livable (the one which happened while I had the monitor) and one of which barely happens but had a friend who saw me 2 hours after offering to take me to the hospital. -_- First point is ring the GP (I think you call them family doctors) as the specialist said he wanted the GP to give me meds anyway but the ones the specialist listed interact with my other meds so I need to talk about it, and at that appointment ask if the GP knows what's going on, and hopefully prompt /them/ to bug the specialist about what's going on. Because what I was told at the appointment and what is in the letter are two completely different and contradictory things and I just hope /someone/ knows what is going on.

This of course does not account for the fact I've been struggling for the last week because of carer shenanigans. Its 10 days without because COVID periods. I'm on day... 7? Now

Two weeks ago tomorrow the piping fell out the sink and ended up with half an inch of hot water on the floor.

There's a mystery new wet spot in the hallway floor in the middle with no other indication of damage. Landlady keeps saying apply the ddehumidifier. We keep doing that. It's just getting worse. It is almost certainly a burst pipe or something in the foundations. She is ignoring us and just telling us to dehumidifier. This has been happening for over a year with another patch around a corner and against a wall.

Honestly can't remember what else. But I know before the pipe something else was wrong, the pipe just outshone it, and there are other things too.

There's about 8 other things which can best be described as 'the health service is chronically underfunded and understaffed thanks to the government both refusing to give it the money it needs and also being xenophobic and putting the minimum income for immigrants to get a visa - or even for a local citizen to have their spouse enter the country - above the pay or every nurse and almost all doctors and this means more people are more rushed', especially with covid wrecking people's health and suddenly loads more cardiac and neurology patients from the long term damage'. A problem only exasperated by COVID.

Add in that they changed the system so I can't book my injections in advance and so I miss them because the first symptom I get when I start running low is an inability to remember things or comprehend dates and I'm having fun! The potential complications from not getting it on time, with a buffer of only about a week as I'm a particularly bad case, only include heart attacks and brain damage but I'm already disabled and can't work so its fine, right? (sarcasm. so so much sarcasm here) (my carers are /trying/ to keep on top of it, but it isn't really working)

[inwintersolitude]

- May 25th 2023 -

What colour are the sheets on your bed? Ivory.

Have you ever had a storage locker? If so, what is/was stored in it? Nope.

Do you have a gas, electric or induction cooktop? Gas.

Are you interested in plants? Somewhat.

How far away is the nearest capital city? The nearest state capital is Columbus, a little over 100 miles away. The nearest national capital is Washington D.C., about 300 miles away.

What was the last movie trailer you watched? I think it was for Oppenheimer.

What's your favourite meal of the day? I love breakfast, just because I love pretty much all breakfast foods. But I also like dinner because of the endless possibilities and I enjoy cooking dinner foods the most.

Do you know your neighbours? A little bit. Not super well though.

Tell me all your plans for the next week or so. I don't have anything going on today. Tomorrow my husband and I are going to go to a nearby garden center to get plants for the front porch. Sunday - a Memorial Day cookout at my aunt-in-law and uncle-in-law's house with all their relatives. Monday - another Memorial Day cookout, at my brother and sister-in-law's house. And I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday.

What can you hear and smell right now? I can hear a Mozart string quartet playing on the local classical radio station, and also my birds chirping and playing with their toys. I can't really smell anything.

Are you expecting anything in the mail? Nothing in particular.

Do you hate cars with loud exhausts? YES, oh my god I cannot overstate just how much I LOATHE that. It's so incredibly obnoxious to subject others to that level of noise. There's technically a state law that limits how many decibels a passenger vehicle can produce, and I wish it was actually enforced.

How many roommates have you had? I've never lived with roommates.

Have you ever broken any bones in your feet or hands? Yep, those are the only types of bones I've broken. One finger, and one toe.

Do you keep your house tidy or is it always pretty cluttered? It's usually tidy-ish, but it gets a little cluttered if I'm busy or stressed.

What's the altitude of your town or city? About 1,000 feet.

Do you like movies with vampires in them? I haven't seen many vampire movies. Can't say I'm super interested.

Have you ever bought groceries online? Yep I did online orders with curbside pickup from the start of Covid until I was vaccinated in May 2021 - both my husband and I were staying super isolated because I couldn't risk getting sick. And I've also had some grocery items that I've bought online via specialty shops and had shipped to my house.

If you have a pet, what is its favourite treat? If you don't have a pet, what's one of your favourite treats? :) They both go bonkers for millet.

Do you own any items of clothing that were originally borrowed from someone else? Yes, if you'd count a few t-shirts, boxers, and sweaters that were originally my husband's. I started borrowing them and they slowly became more mine than his, haha.

What was the last thing you drank other than water, and was it yummy? Carrot/orange/turmeric juice. It was tasty.

How do you usually style your hair? I don't really style it beyond running a straightening brush through it to de-poof it. I'm terrible at trying to do any kind of styling beyond just simple straightening or throwing it up into a ponytail.

What's your favourite kind of soup to make? White bean and vegetable soup, or shoyu ramen.

Do you get distracted easily when you read? Yep. It sucks. I used to be an extremely avid and focused reader when I was a kid/teen, I'd read entire novels in less than a day, but for some reason I just don't have that same level of focus now.

What kind of questions do you generally dislike when it comes to Bzoink surveys? Surveys with only basic questions, like name/age/favorites/this-or-that/etc. I'm also not really into the ones that hyperfocus on health stuff or music, or the “put an X if you agree with this statement” ones.

What will you do after you finish this survey? I'll probably go upstairs to brush my teeth and do my morning skincare routine, and bring some laundry back downstairs and start a load. I also feel like I'll need a nap soon, I'm feeling kind of woozy.

If you play The Sims, which of all the games is your favourite iteration? I've only played it once or twice, like 9-10 years ago. I don't remember which specific version it was.

Do you remember the first house you lived in? Nope, we moved out of that house when I was only 6 months old.

When was the last time you threw up, and do you know why? I can't remember for sure. Maybe like 6-ish years ago? I think I had a mild stomach bug.

Who was the last person you said "I love you" to? My husband.

[cariboll]

Wouldn't it be great if medical appointments were neurodivergent-friendly?

Wouldn't it be great if medical appointments were neurodivergent-friendly? If providers understood that there are some things that have to be mentioned or discussed differently with ND patients, as opposed to neurotypical patients?

So what happened was that I got a new allergist. I haven't seen an allergist since I was in high school. And my previous allergist's office understood that people who are neurodivergent have brains that are wired differently and require things to be addressed differently (awesome thing about that office: You could pay for a bunch of future sessions' copays at once and then they would give you reminders that you needed to do another payment 2 sessions before and 1 session before. Sadly, they're not covered by my current insurance).

Anyway. I met with my new allergist for the first time 2 weeks ago. It had already been conveyed for that appointment that I needed to go with antihistamines for 5 days before the visit. At the end of the visit, when I was scheduling the next visit (which is tomorrow), I asked twice if I would need to do the whole "no antihistamines for 5 days). I asked the doctor and then the receptionist who checked with the doctor. The answer was "no." No, I didn't need to go through the hell of no antihistamines for 5 days for the next appointment.

Fast forward to today, the 13ths of August. They called to confirm tomorrow's appointment and during the call I was asked if I had gone without antihistamines for 5 days. What? No. You said that I didn't have to for this appointment.

Or, maybe they told me but, in all their medical wisdom, neglected to FUCKING MENTION IT IN WRITING WHEN THEY GAVE ME ALL OF THAT STUPID NEW PATIENT INFORMATION!!

*Ahem. *

What I mean to say is, despite telling the allergist multiple times that I have ADHD and lots of problems that are caused by it, he neglected to think that that might mean I need extra reminders about things, like needing to go without antihistamines for the 5 days before the next appointment.

Treating one area of the body still requires taking other areas into consideration. Some electroencephalograms (EEGs) require getting an electrocardiogram (ECG/EKG) done in conjunction. Some conditions cover multiple areas of the body. And some patients require reminders for appointments that cover a separate area of the body that the doctor doesn't normally cover.

Being an ADHD patient is frustrating. I'm treated like a drug seeker (which I technically am, but it's so that I can function like a neurotypical person), like I'm stupid or lazy or any other number of things.

I don't know what to do. I'm upset. I'm stressed. I just want to be treated as I should and receive accommodations that will allow me to better take part in my own health care.

[sethredia]

is there anything else like the combination of anxiety disorder, period hormones, and your first coffee in a month (between the coffee and the midol ive gone from maybe ~35mg to 210mg of caffeine in one day and lord knows thats a big jump)?

its three in the morning and i Cannot fall asleep and now im like three seconds away from an anxiety attack over a recurring feeling of Something being in my eye but when i look theres nothing there and its been. longer than i really should have let it get but i was really hoping it would clear up on its own. but this means i have to call my eye doctor tomorrow morning - no, today, just later, jesus christ - because if its Something thats not just like flushing out with water then you fucking Have To go to the doctor but i was Just there for new glasses and i dont have insurance so its another like sixty fucking dollars and thats If they have an appointment any time soon because if not i might have to go to a different eye doctor that, while cheaper, i dont know or trust and all and. god damn it why does every eye place close on sundays? this is the first monday in months i have to work and thats because i have a “vacation” coming up from work and i wanted to squeeze in the hours before i wasnt at work for a week.

AND i have to work today at ten and thats when the fucking eye doctor opens and while i technically could probably get away with doing that in the morning because i tend to open alone (and if my boss is there for some reason i know logically she would let me make the call because shes nice) but the Point Is that i. Don’t Want To. i want my eye to be magically better without having to see someone about it

what makes it all worse is that the vacation im taking is to go see a Big Event. i bought tickets for me and my dad to go to Big Event and if theres genuinely something wrong with my eye, what if the doctor says not to go? that would be so bad! ive been looking forward to this for the past year and its next weekend!

like. what? i call the eye doctor, maybe they can fit me in on an emergency, and then emergency appointments always cost more and again No Insurance, and maybe theres something wrong and maybe there isnt but you have to pay regardless, and then even if there is an emergency slot, my only day off between now and vacation is sunday when my doctor Doesnt Work so i would probably have to ask my boss like “hey i know i have days off literally in four days but i Have To Go To The Doctor Right Now” and again shes very nice and would definitely understand but like. fuck man i feel nauseous

[did-you-fall-for-a-shooting-star]

Yesterday I stayed up late painting cause I thought I didnt have to go into work until late cause I had a doctors appointment today at 10. Well jokes on me, woke up at 7:40, when I would normally be leaving for the day, and was going through my day, only to realize at 7:50 THAT NO MY APPOINTMENT IS TOMORROW and I was supposed to be at work in 10 minutes. Was out the door by 8:05, and made it to work by 8:26. *technically* as long as Im there before 8:30 Im good BUT GOD I FLEW DOWN THAT HIGHWAY. Anyways, heres the painting I was working on. Its not done yet though

[freakingweirdo]

ouch ouch ouch AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA well i have a doctors appointment tomorrow anyway so technically today in like. 12 hours if this is still going . somehow. this is so painful BUT i also took ibuprofen idk if that does anything for ears at the wrong pressure or whagever but god hopefully i can go to fucking sleep and shit. hate this place it’s giving me a headache now too. bc my head is all tensed you know BECAUSE OF THE PAIN god i complain about so little how do ppl even deal with more than this like daily. insane. i feel like house md i understand him i too would get addicted to pain killers if i had this every day

[shammyb]

My mama called me yesterday morning, telling me she had a mole on her face checked out and it is melanoma. They sent out a biopsy to find out what stage it’s at, and we’ll be talking soon, as she shoudl hopefully know within the next couple days tops. We had a really nice, long talk, but every time I think about what she said to me and that my literal creator may be dying (which ya we are always all dying technically but theres something different when you find its caused by cancer), I break into choking tears. Today I took the day off work, road my bike all the way out to the sandy river, wrote a lot about her and other little things, but bringing it back to her, while tears dripped on my pages, and birds flew over the water I was laying infront of, with joy.  I biked over to a target nearby after that, to try on a couple bathing suits, because i figured why not, and I was feeling extremely body dysmorphic, not liking how I look at the moment---then it all bringing me back to being a child in the dressing room with my mom, as she looked at herself in the mirror, crying at how she looked, though i always thought she looked so perfect; my creator, my god.  I’ll probably have to call out of work again tomorrow, which i’m not looking forward to, as I don’t have that much money these days since I quit dancing, and so much of my money went into fixing my car, literally only for my car to get a mold problem when we had terrible rainfall and make it undriveable (i found out i’m allergic to mold).  I also so a doctor the other day at Planned parenthood, after waiting for literally an hour after when my appointment was scheduled, and was referred to an ultrasound tech to check out my uterus, because sounds like I may have an ovarian cyst. I’ve known somethings going on in my body for a long time, and recently I’ve been having my period every 2 weeks. Being on OHP has been frustrating, as it’s already difficult to make doctor appointments for me, as last time I went to get an ultrasound, like in December or something, I never got a call back from the doctors who said they would call me back after my imaging was complete to follow up/make next steps. But this time its with planned parenthood, and they have a more thorough,  caring process when it comes to that stuff, so I’m hopeful that this time we’ll figure the fuck out what's going on inside my body. I’ve been wishing I could be held these last couple days. I don’t get to see my partner until Monday, and my parents literally live on the other side of the country, and I just want to curl up and be in safe, loving, arms. It’s difficult to picture life without my mom in it. She’s so sweet, so caring, and I will have to write an entire separate post sometimes about how big her heart is. I held so much resentment for things she wasn’t able to do out of fear in my past, but shes shown me for a while now (since my parents moved away) how shes been trying to be there, and send me post cards about things that reminded her of me, silly little gifts like a mug covered in bees (because I love bees), and just always calls and texts me that shes thinking of me and loves me these days. Shes been actively showing her love and she literally created me, and is just such a compassionate person...I dunno. I feel like I’m going through my 6-year breakup all over again lol, because of how headachy this is making me. For all I know, it could only be stage one and easily removed, but it also could be anywhere beyond, and time is just feeling extra extra valuable now. Lowell hasn’t said much and said he wont be available until monday and im trying not to think too much into that but I feel sad that I can’t be in his arms and that he isn’t willing to be more immediately available. We’ll see how all that works out and what he has to say/how he’ll be there on Monday.. Anyway, ya. scrambled but, after returning home from my bikeride, I decided to walk to the climbing gym, since I’ve not been making the time to go over the last couple months, frequently...But something in me told me I need to start being better at going again, for my mom. Because I love it, and she knows I love it too, and its def a form of self care for me. I’m glad I went, because I ran into a long time climbing pal, Sergey, and told him the news I just found out, and he started tearing up because it reminded him of how his mom passed and we hugged for a moment and it was very comforting and he wanted to give me some strength and yeah, i’m just glad I got to see a trusted community member who was able to give a supportive gesture. Anyway, I walked home after that with a big headache, got home almost an hour later (not a short walk lol), and made myself some ramen and had an apple w peanut butter for desert. My stomach has been in knots the last two days. I have always had bad IBS stuff, but I think its also related to both my maybe-cyst, and def my moms news.  Like I’ve said before, when it rains, it pours.  Feel free to send any kind words my way. Thanks for reading, if you took all that time to. Writing saves me. Goodnight, maybe.

[itstheoneshot]

Handsome

Request

Summary: Being trans is hard, but every day is bearable, with Jongin by your side.

Word Count: 3.2k

Pairing: Kai x Nonbinary Reader

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, Gender Dysphoria, Body Worship.

It was the scariest day of your life, when you finally came out to your partner. You had been putting it off for months, terrified of his reaction. You went to both your doctor and your psychiatrist appointments alone, never telling Jongin what was happening. It was only days before starting testosterone treatment, when you finally broke down and told him.

“Nini, I’m transgender,” You had stuttered, “I’m nonbinary, I’d like you to use they/them pronouns for me now, and I’m changing my name.”

Nothing could have prepared you for how well this would be received. The smile on his face was enough to light up the world, and to ease every ounce of anxiety you had felt for the last few months, or even longer really, since you had been internally fighting the reality of your gender for so long.

“I love you,” He had replied with tears in his eyes, matching your own, “I’m so proud of you, and I’ll always love you.”

From that day on, Jongin accompanied you to your doctor’s appointments, and he held your hand when you had your first testosterone shot, the needle terrifying him more than it did you, though this was the best distraction from the pain, as you teased him about it while the doctor injected you.

It was cute, the questions that Jongin asked, ones you didn’t always know the answers to. Technical, scientific questions, like when will your voice drop? or when will your body change? and so many more, all of which you answered to the best of your ability, even if you had to google search for some of them.

He was your biggest supporter, every day telling you how handsome you were, helping you buy new clothes to feel better about yourself, even going as far as to offer to pay for your top surgery scheduled a few months down the track. You were so grateful to him, as the most important person in your life, his caring and kind nature kept you going every day.

———

It had been about a month of being out, when in a fit of dysphoria, Jongin finds you crying over your reflection in the bathroom mirror.

“Jagi,” He hushes you, “What’s wrong?”

You look up at yourself, your eyes are red and puffy, tear stains all down your cheeks, and then you glance at your partner’s reflection, his eyes are wide with concern for you.

“I hate how I look,” You sigh, tugging at your hair tied back in a bun, it is too feminine, “I can’t do this.”

Jongin pouts at you as he moves to untie your hair, running his fingers through it before twisting it up again, in some attempt to style it, and as upset as you are, it makes you laugh.

“Should we go to the hairdressers?” He asks, “I did some research the other day, there’s a trans-friendly salon not too far from here.”

Your heart skips a beat at the idea, it is so simple, but you are sure that it will make the biggest difference to how you see yourself, and how others do too, at least in the meantime until testosterone really changes how you look.

“Please, Nini,” You nod, “That would be amazing.”

You haven’t even finished agreeing before Jongin has his phone in his hand, dialling the number of the salon to book you in. You stare at yourself in the meantime, trying to imagine a style that will suit you best, but it’s hard, you are not feeling good at all today, especially not after all the crying.

“Can you be ready for an appointment in an hour?” He asks, “Or would tomorrow be better?”

As you stare into the mirror, you know that this can’t wait, that you would probably take clippers and shave your head if you are forced to look at yourself any longer.

“I can be ready,” You reply, “I just need to wash up.”

Jongin turns you around, forcing you to look away from the mirror and to him instead. He kisses you gently, one hand on your waist while the other holds your cheek, keeping you close to him for a moment, his way of making sure you are okay.

“I love you,” He murmurs as he slowly pulls away, “We need to leave in 30 minutes.”

You rinse your face at the sink, washing away your tears, and you dry your face with your towel, applying a little moisturiser before you exit the bathroom. Jongin is waiting for you, he has your bag in his hand, while his own is slung over his right shoulder.

“Come on, baby,” He urges you, “Let’s go.”

You take his hand, following him out to his car. You are nervous, to say the least. You know that this will be a good thing for you, it is going to make a huge difference to your self esteem and to the way that you see yourself, but you are still terrified.

Jongin can tell too, holding your hand in his while he drives, he tries to distract you with endless stories about the latest things he has been working on, group projects, another solo release, and the new collaboration he is a part of with yet another designer label. He is always so busy, and you are grateful for it, to be able to stand beside him while he gains his success, and you are able to expand on your own too, it is perfect.

“I love you,” You tell him as he parks his car on the side of the road, “Thank you for always taking care of me.”

Jongin leans over the centre console to kiss you before you both get out of the car, holding hands to cross the street to the salon. You are greeted at the door by the receptionist, and she names and genders you correctly which makes you smile wider than you have today. Jongin relinquishes his grip on your hand, moving to take a seat in the waiting area while you follow the hairdresser to her station.

“Your partner told me you’re ready for a real change,” The hairdresser says, “Were you thinking full masculine? I think you would suit an undercut, with a messy fringe, what do you think?”

You realise that you had not even got that far, but you find yourself nodding, throwing all nerves out the window as you trust the hairdresser’s opinion. You are sure that with her years of training, she would have a keen eye for the right styles to suit your face. She smiles at you reassuringly, as if she can sense your apprehension, and you try to ground yourself as she drapes the hairdressers cape around your neck.

Before she starts, you glance over at Jongin to see him staring at you, and he smiles as he catches your eye before you turn back to the mirror again. This is it, the change is happening now, you take one final deep breath before relaxing, and you watch the hairdresser as she gets to work.

You try not to focus too hard as the hairdresser does her thing, though you notice how much lighter you feel already, even without seeing the style. It takes about an hour or so, until you are sitting back in the chair after having your hair washed, and the hairdresser is doing the final touch ups after drying your hair off.

“It’s done,” She tells you, turning around to grab a mirror from her trolley so that you can see the back, “What do you think?”

It is like a different person is staring back at you, when you look up at the mirror. In a good way though, as if this is who you were meant to be all along. Sure, you still feel feminine, your features are softer than you want them to be, but the hair… It is so good.

“I love it,” You reply, unable to contain your smile, “Thank you, thank you so much.”

Jongin sees you stand, and he gets up immediately to join you. If you thought that he had looked at you lovingly before, you have no words to describe the way that he stares now.

“You look so handsome,” He says breathlessly, “Baby… wow.”

It is not often that you stun Jongin like this, and his reaction has you blushing. You take his hand, and he walks you up to the front desk where he pays for the haircut, accepting only a kiss from you when you try to convince him to let you cover the cost.

“Thank you,” You say as you lean your head on his shoulder, “Are we going home now?”

Jongin takes you a hand to your waist, leading you out of the salon and back to his car as he shakes his head.

“I was thinking we could go for lunch first,” He replies, “Unless you’d rather not?”

You take a second to think it over, and you know that though the person you were this morning would say no, you left them behind with the hair on the salon floor. You are better now, stronger, more confident, and you want to prove to both yourself and the world that you can do this.

“I’d love to,” You reply easily, “Anywhere with you is perfect.”

———

Your meal is incredible, and the way that Jongin stares at you the whole time is even more so. You are flustered under his gaze, self-conscious although you know that he means well. It is hard to accept yourself, though Jongin accepts and loves you more than ever.

“Are you right?” You ask him as you lift your hands to shield your red cheeks once you finish your meal, “You haven’t stopped looking at me the whole time.”

“I’m fine,” Jongin replies without hesitation, “I just… can we go home now?”

You are surprised but relieved at his request, more than ready to no longer be out in public, grateful that your partner is just as much of a homebody as you are. You nod your agreement as you stand up, and the two of you walk to the counter for Jongin to pay once again, before you leave the cafe together.

“You really do look incredible,” Jongin says as he turns the keys in the ignition of his car, “I hope you feel better now too, you do, right?”

“I do,” You nod at him, taking his hand again once he is on the road, “Thank you always, for everything.”

Jongin laughs, squeezing your hand in his, “Stop thanking me, loving you is the bare minimum, you deserve the world.”

It’s corny, but you don’t mind, it makes you so happy that he loves you so much, and you feel exactly the same way about him. You spend the short drive home leaning on the headrest and staring at Jongin’s side profile, forever amazed that someone as incredible as him loves you.

You are home soon, following Jongin inside, both sighing contentedly as you take your shoes off at the door. You are exhausted, lifting a hand to your head to comb your fingers through your hair and reminding yourself that it is short now, all gone, so masculine.

“One minute,” You mumble as you head off down the hallway to the bathroom, though you hear Jongin’s footsteps behind you anyway.

As you stand in front of the mirror that you were crying at only a few hours ago, Jongin resumes his stance behind you, with his arm over your shoulder to gently caress your cheek. You feel tears threatening to fall again, and you take a deep shaky breath to try and stop them.

“You are perfect,” Jongin says, “I feel like a broken record, but fuck, you are perfect.”

This time you shake your head, your insecurities surfacing once more. You are not perfect, Jongin is lying to placate you, there is nothing even close to perfect about you.

“I’m a fake,” You sigh, “I’m never going to look the way that I want to… I should just accept it.”

Jongin doesn’t hide his shock, concerned as you begin to cry once more. All of the emotions that you have been trying to hold in for so long are now coming up, and all you want to do is disappear.

“Baby, don’t say that,” Jongin replies, “Why do you think that?”

You reflect for a moment, uncertain of your answer. It is hard being this way, in a world full of people who don’t understand or accept you, how are you supposed to love yourself?

“I’m tired, Nini,” You say, “The world will never see me for who I am, I’m always going to be an outlier… I can’t do this, I hate who I am.”

Jongin doesn’t hesitate this time, turning you around to face him, so that you can no longer look at yourself. The way that he looks at you is enough to leave you breathless, the love in his eyes is enough to fill your whole world, but it is hard to get out of your head, it is so fucking hard to find a way out of the negative spiral you are in.

“I love you,” Jongin proclaims, “All of you, my handsome, beautiful partner. You deserve to see yourself the way that I see you, and not care about the rest of the world.”

It is sudden, when he kisses you, and you cling to him as if he is your life force. Fists balled in his shirt as you kiss him back, your tears fall in a steady stream down your cheeks, but you are trying not to be sad anymore.

“The people who matter will accept you,” He continues between kisses, “And if they don’t accept you, they don’t matter.”

He’s right, you know that he is, but you still care, it is ingrained in you to base your worth off the perception of others. It’s getting harder though, to think, as Jongin continues to kiss you, as you feel the back of your thighs hit the bathroom counter. Jongin’s hands are in your hair, his fingers lazily examining the now shaved back and sides, and it tickles, euphoric.

“Baby, you’re incredible,” He murmurs, nipping gently at your bottom lip, “You look so fucking hot like this.”

You gasp into the kiss, giggling as he lifts you up off the ground and guides you to sit on the counter. You instinctively wrap your legs around his waist to bring him closer to you, moving your hands to his broad shoulders as the kisses grow deeper.

“Tell me again,” You stutter, “Make me believe you, please.”

Jongin had been waiting for you to ask, this is evident, as with each kiss he grinds into you, and you can feel how hard he has grown. His hands are less gentle now, working to pull your t-shirt off, and eagerly tugging at the button and fly of your jeans.

“You’re perfect,” He repeats, as you lift your hips up, giving him access to tear your jeans down your legs, “You deserve the world, you are everything to me.”

His compliments flow so easily, and you allow yourself to take them, as if they are natural to you, as if you believe them, in this moment not caring whether you really do or not. All you care for is him, how badly you want him, and how badly you want to see yourself how he does.

“I love you,” He continues, his hands on your thighs to spread them apart once you are both completely naked, your back against the mirror, “I’ll always love you, all of you.”

You move your hands to his waist as he comes closer to you, each second growing needier than the last, each word he says echoes the way that you feel about him. You think he is perfect, and you will always love him too.

“I need you,” You whine, “Please, Nini… don’t want to wait.”

As his hands travel further up your legs, you whimper into his mouth in anticipation, and your hands instinctively reach for his cock, certain that you are ready, not caring if it is going to hurt at all.

“Jagi,” He replies, his fingers tracing tantalisingly slow over your core, “Fuck, you are so wet already.”

You grab his forearm, forcing his hand as you try to pull him closer to you, with your other hand in his hair to keep him kissing you, and you lock your ankles behind his knees to close the remaining distance between you.

“Just fuck me already,” You demand, “Come on, you know you want it too.”

Jongin chuckles, though you watch his pupils dilate, he loves it when you get bossy with him, and he happily obliges your order. His hand moves to on top of yours wrapped around his cock, and he guides you to line him up with where his fingers were teasing only a few moments ago.

“Oh,” You gasp, attempting to meter your breathing as he enters you, “Oh shit.”

He is slow at first, as expected, gentle as he thrusts forward until you take him in all the way, letting you adjust to his size while he too adjusts to the tightness, though you know it will get easier soon as you remind yourself to relax.

“I’ve got you,” Jongin soothes, as he pulls back to then thrust in again, “Fuck, baby, oh god you feel so good every time.”

You are rendered almost speechless as Jongin speeds his movements up, the pattern and rhythm is perfect, as always. Jongin moves his hand to the back of your head, protecting you from knocking it into the mirror as he fucks you harder, each thrust has you crying out for him louder than the last.

“Fuck,” You gasp breathlessly, “Shit, Nini, you hit so fucking deep like this.”

All you can focus on is him, as he continues to praise you, telling you every detail about you that he loves, leaving nothing unsaid. He fills your heart with his words as perfectly as he fills your cunt with his cock and you feel yourself so close to the edge, though you are sure that Jongin will not slow down.

“Please, my love,” Jongin moans, pressing his forehead to yours, and you can feel the sweat beaded on his brow as it touches yours, “I need you to cum for me, don’t hold back, okay?”

It isn’t hard to obey him, you needed this just as much, and his words are the key to your release as much as the way that he fucks you is. You feel yourself begin to convulse before your high comes to peak, moaning Jongin’s name against his lips as he fucks you perfectly through it, his own release following mere moments later.

“I love you,” You manage to speak, “I love you so much.”

Jongin’s chest heaves as he attempts to catch his breath upon slowing down, though he does not make an attempt to pull out of you just yet.

“I love you too,” He replies, “My beautiful, handsome life partner. I love you, every single part of you.”

You are blessed, and you know it. Despite the hardships that you face due to being transgender, Jongin is there for you through it all. You know that this life is not always easy, but you are even more sure of the fact that your beautiful partner will be there for you at the end of every day. To pick you up, to make you smile, and to remind you that you are loved and supported, no matter what.

[helplessly-nonstop]

Laughing Gas Confession (L. Hemmings imagine)

I’ve been working on this fix for quite some time but since Luke decided to realize a new album, I finally managed to gain motivation to finish this fic! Anyway reader gets their wisdom teeth pulled and this is the results! Tagging my girlie @wrestlingfae

WC: 2352

-

Wisdom teeth. The bane of any person’s existence if they ever had the displeasure of them coming in. Truly the only thing a person could ever gain from them coming in might be the humerus videos you capture while on laughing gas. My experience however? A little less humorous and a lot more exposing.

“Come on, you’re being a baby about this, just go to the dentist and let them pull the wisdom teeth, you’ll feel much better!” Luke insisted as he shut the door behind us. I groaned as he continued to pester me about setting up a dentist appointment to remove the nightmares pressing against my jaw.

“Luke, I have no one to bring me home! They’re going to use laughing gas and I can’t drive while high.” I retorted, beginning to put away the groceries, only to press my fingers against the hinge of my jaw as the ache began to grow more painful. He stared at me with a disbelieving look then he exclaimed, “I’m off tour, I can take you! I mean, we’re best friends, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Take each other to the dentist, make sure you don’t ruin the Uber driver’s car flooring with vomit.”

“Okay, that was one time! That’s what you get for giving me Chipotle while I’m hammered. I mean, technically, me puking on that guy’s floor was your fault for letting me drink with Cal. You know he always encourages me to do bad things.” I insisted, handing him the milk to put away. He sighed, clearly realizing that I had won that point, and returned to our current argument, “Just let me take you. I swear, I won’t record you. I’ll just make sure you get there and back, safe and sound. Okay?”

We stared at one another for a while before I sighed, muttering, “Alright, fine, just make sure that I get there and back without breaking a bone.” His blue eyes sparkled at my agreement before he kissed me on my forehead then launched into making dinner as I dug through the freezer in search of an ice pack to press against my jaw. At least I’d finally get rid of these stupid wisdom teeth.

My appointment was set for tomorrow and dread was beginning to set in. Laughing gas loosened your lips and things that should remain a secret had the chance of slipping out. I was sitting on my bed, considering other options to pull my wisdom teeth without using laughing gas but ultimately came up empty. Unfortunately it seemed that this was the only way. Of course, I could have asked any of the other guys to take me to the dentist, but I feared that would hurt Luke. I just hoped that I could keep my secret locked away from even the grasps of the laughing gas..

“Today’s the day,” Luke crowed, bursting into my room, “C’mon, it’s time to take out those nasty wisdom teeth of yours!” I groaned and ducked my head beneath my pillow once again as I grumbled, “Why? Why did it have to be me to be cursed with a morning person as a best friend?” He flopped on my bed then lifted my pillow away from my face as he replied, “Balances out your night owl habits. Now come on, I bet you’re dying to get those bastards pulled.”

“It’s like you’re excited to see me suffer through recovery. Sadistic fuck. Alright, go, I’m getting dressed.” I muttered, shoving him off my bed. He groaned as he hit the floor then gave a small wave as he shut my bedroom door behind him, leaving me alone for the time being. I quickly changed and stared at the clock as I began to process what could happen.

Today was the day that I would risk the chance of exposing my love for my best friend of many years. What would I even do if I let it slip? Would he hate me? Would he reject me? Would he feel the same? So many thoughts raced through my head that I didn’t even notice that Luke had reentered, holding a hairbrush out to me. He cleared his throat and I glanced up with a sheepish smile then accepted the brush as he asked, “You need your shoes?” I looked around my room briefly and pointed to the stray pair of sneakers hiding beside my dresser before finishing brushing my hair.

He handed me my shoes and ran a hand through my hair as he assured me, “There’s nothing to worry about. They’re gonna take good care of you.” I smiled up at him and quickly pulled on my shoes before heading out the front door, sighing at the Los Angeles heat. We settled into the car and I stared out the window with a small sigh, prepared to finally get my teeth pulled.

“Hey you’re gonna be okay, there’s nothing to worry about. I’ve been to this dentist before, they’re really good.” Luke assured me, patting my hand. I smiled briefly then stared out the window, knowing damn good and well whether the dentist was good or not was at the bottom of my worry list for today.

We arrived at the dentist in fifteen minutes and I savored the knowledge that we wouldn’t be together while I’m high on laughing gas for too long. He guided me inside and I spoke to the nurse running the front desk while Luke investigated the assortment of pamphlets that were splayed across their wall. Settling back beside him, I gripped the arms of the chair, terror beginning to set in. What would happen as soon as I exited the exam room? Would I expose the truth? Could I prevent a secret from spilling out?

Long fingers slid over the top of my hand and I jerked out of my panic as Luke gave a tight squeeze. He smiled and assured me,”Hey it’s okay! I’ll be right here when you’re done, okay?” Just a few words and my heart began to settle. The nurse entered the waiting area then glanced up from his clipboard, calling my name. My best friend waved a hand towards the exam area then chirped, “A new life awaits you. One without pain.”

The words echoed in my head as I settled in the chair and the dentist coached me through how to breathe in the laughing gas before a haze settled over my thoughts. The operation was a quick procedure and the pressure of them removing the four monsters that evolution cursed us with was nothing compared to the relief I felt.

The nurse was kind enough to help Luke with guiding me to the car and I pressed my cheek against the cool glass of the window, poking my cheek to feel the gauze stuffed in my mouth. He swatted my hand away and chided, “Don’t do that, you’ll make it hurt worse later.” I pouted at his warning then mumbled,”You’re no fun, Luke. Why you gotta be a buzzkill?” He chuckled at my whining and ruffled my hair as he replied, “I’m not being a buzzkill, I’m saving you from yourself.”

We managed to go through the drive through without another incident of me being a disaster, which I’m sure he was thankful for. He tugged me out of the car and urged, “Come on, let’s get you inside, silly.”

“You know, I love you so fucking much, Lukey. Like holy shit.” I mumbled, leaning into his chest. He laughed as he guided me into the living room then replied, “I love you too. We should really get you laid down before you pass out on me. Doctor said by the time you got home, you’ll be about ready to sleep.” I smiled softly at him as I landed on the couch and insisted, “No, not- not like a best friend loves their best friend. I love you like a boyfriend and girlfriend love each other.”

His eyes widened at the statement then I began to lay down on the couch as I mumbled, “Prolly shouldn’t have said that but ya know how it is. Easy goes the truth you want most exposed. The subconscious is a strange place, Luke.” He gave a shallow nod and turned out of the living room then returned with a blanket, draping it over me as my eyes began to close. Long fingers brushed my cheek briefly then I heard him murmur something to me, but the pain medicine was beginning to settle in.

When I finally came to, I was still curled up on the couch, with a blanket curled around my shoulders and a pillow clutched to my cheek. Glancing around, I realized that Luke had disappeared from the living room, leaving me to nap by myself. I groaned, pressing a tender hand to my jaw, then mumbled, “Ah fuck, right. Wisdom teeth are gone.” I pushed off the couch and stumbled into the bathroom so I could pull the bloody gauze from my mouth. I moved my bottom jaw briefly, only to regret the decision as pain struck. I groaned and clenched my eyes closed, hoping that the agony would settle down.

“Hey, you’re up. You want something to eat? I made soup.” Luke asked, leaning against the bathroom doorway. I turned at the sound of his voice and questioned, “How long was I out?” He hummed at the question, glancing down at his phone screen as it chimed, then replied, “About four hours. Not a bad nap. Come on, let’s get some food for you.”

As the week progressed, I noticed Luke had become distant. He moved away when I leaned against him, particularly when he was texting which was never an issue in our friendship. We often flocked to one another when we were chatting with friends and even potential love interests so it was strange for him to shy away.

When I entered a room, he would leave just seconds later, as if he couldn’t stand the thought of standing in the same area as me. What had happened when my wisdom teeth were pulled? Had my behavior while dealing with the pain really drove my best friend away? Or worse, did I tell him my biggest secret while I was under the influence of laughing gas and pain medicine? And if so, how long would our friendship last?

I allowed his strange behavior to continue unquestioned for another week, hoping that it was a mere coincidence that he was acting so strange so soon after my wisdom teeth surgery. But I finally caved on demanding what his problem was when I tried to hug him, only for him to sidestep me.

“Was there- did I do something wrong? Because if I did, I’d really like to know what’s causing you to act like this towards me.” I asked, stepping forward to try and meet his eyes. He turned on his heel and ran a hand through his hair before he grumbled, “So that’s why you didn’t want me to take you to the dentist. Because you were afraid of telling me the truth while you were under?” I raised an eyebrow at him and began to ask what he meant, only to pause when his words sank in.

“Oh my god, I didn’t. Please tell me that I did not say what I think you’re saying that I said.” I rushed out, not caring if it had made any sense. He flickered his gaze up to me then he snapped, “How long? How long have you been hiding the fact that you’re in love with me?”

“I’m kind of hoping that’s an optional question to answer.” I admitted, twisting my fingers together. He whipped to face me and shouted, “Goddammit, this isn’t a fucking joke to me, so quit deflecting and tell me what I want to know!” I flinched back at his anger then demanded, “Why are you so pissed that I didn’t tell you that I’m in love with you? I have a right to hide things, Luke! It’s not like you feel- never mind, just let me take my medicine.”

He stepped in front of me and held a hand up as he said simply, “Finish what you were going to say. You know me so well, tell me what you were going to say.” I glanced up at him then murmured, “It’s not like you feel the same anyway.”

“But how would you know that? You’re dismissing me before you even give me the chance to tell you how I even feel! You think I’d take just someone to the dentist? I mean- fuck! I wish you’d just let me tell you how I actually feel instead of acting like I wouldn’t give you a second of my time. I’m in love with you, dammit!” he shouted, chest heaving. My jaw dropped as we stared at one another, silence settling over our living room, then he drew in a deep breath, hissing,”I wasn’t going to confess like this. You just riled me up so fast, dammit.”

“You're in love with me?” I croaked out, surprise taking over my anger. He drew in a deep breath, as if he was preparing to give a giant speech, then he whispered, “I’ve been in love with you since high school. I just thought that you only wanted to be friends.” I cupped his face and he leaned into me, pressing his forehead against mine then I mumbled, “I thought I never stood a chance. That’s why I never made a move. I was terrified of what would happen if you didn’t feel the same.”

“Two halves of a whole idiot on the same thing, I guess.” he replied, giving a small smile. I giggled and asked, “Would my other half give me a kiss then?” He gave me a gentle kiss then assured me, “The second that you’re all healed up, I’m going to kiss you so fucking hard.”

“You better keep that promise, pretty boy.”