#I hate myself but I also stopped asking questions about why certain people in certain situations attract me

[mjrkime]

My friend introduced me to the 2007 Austrian version of the Dracula musical and

Disclaimer: The cringey collage is intentional

[inkedbybarnes]

anything

bucky barnes x fem!reader

summary: bucky is determined to take care of you while you're sick.

word count: 1.6k+

warnings: mentions of insecurities, mentions of illnesses (but vaguely described), fluffy ahh shit bc why not, usage of pet names such as baby and doll. bucky being stubbornly sweet (it is indeed, a warning), lowercase writing.

i've been sick the past few days hence the creation of this fic. idk why my mood drops when i'm sick... once again, this is too fluffy even for my own good but i warned you and you're reading it still anyway. 🤨 haha jk, i hope you enjoy this one! 🩷

dividers by @cafekitsune!

reblogs, comments, and likes are highly appreciated! thank you. ♡

“can you please let me in, baby?"

that was the fifth time bucky had asked the same question, never giving up on his mission to take care of you after learning from jarvis – out of all people... or robots? – that you were sick.

“bucky, i promise, i'm fine. stop trying to break the door,” you answered, your clogged nose not helping as you sounded horrible even with a concrete wall separating you from him. “go and tell steve that you're joining the mission. you can't withdraw yourself just because i'm—achoo!”

your nose began to leak, and you were now distracted with the need to find the tissue box that used to be on your bed. you didn't hear the door clicking open as well as the heavy footsteps of a certain soldier walking towards you.

“just because you're what? sick?”

you jumped, feeling the edge of the bed sink with his weight. you quickly grabbed the tissue box that was mysteriously thrown under the bed before facing bucky with the duvet covering most of your body.

“how did you open the door?”

bucky shrugged. “i broke the doorknob. you didn't say anything about breaking doorknobs.”

you sighed, not winning this argument with bucky. “you shouldn't be here, bucky. you're supposed to be preparing for a mission tomorrow, not babysitting me!”

“and let you go through this on your own? tough chance, doll. i'm your boyfriend for fuck's sake, and don't tell me that you're worried about getting me sick because we both know i'm immune," he argued, reaching out and pulling the blanket down enough to reveal your face. “are you really upset that i want to take care of you? you should be demanding things from me, baby. instead you've been hiding from me.”

“because i don't need anything, bucky. i can handle myself just fine." you huffed, knowing you wanted his attention and care so badly. remembering your face was exposed, you felt insecure again. you dragged the cover back up and turned away. “i also don't want you to see me like this.”

“like what?"

“like a mess," you muttered underneath the sheets. “you've never seen me like this before, and i swear i am the worst when i'm sick. you don't have to see me like this, okay? i don't want you to.”

you felt silly. it was completely normal to get sick, but you hated how extreme your body would act out whenever an illness would attack you. you'd always sound and look like you were fighting a battle in hell alone. the way your mind would take an entire flip and drag you to your lowest point didn't help either. so, not only were you feeling physically horrible, you were also struggling mentally.

“a mess? what mess?” he asked, lifting the cover to join you underneath it which caught you off guard. you were entirely exposed to his eyes now. “there's my girl. where's the mess that you're talking about, huh?”

with the little amount of energy left in you, you brought your hands up to cover your face. he could see how much of a mess you were now, far from the dream you've painted since the day you dated him. now, you were nothing but a nightmare of your reality.

“don't you dare hide from me. i haven't seen you all day and it's driving me insane," he complained, pulling your hands away from yourself. he brought his thumb to your teary eyes, wiping the tears away before they could fall. “i can't believe you're hiding from me just because you think i can't handle seeing you sick. what did you think i'd do once i saw you like this?”

you sniffed, hesitation holding you back from telling him the truth. it's only been three months since you've started dating bucky, and you were still in that stage where you'd constantly try impress him.

you weren't faking yourself, no. however, you still did your best to only show your good side and tuck away your insecurities. unfortunately, you had to get sick too soon and have to risk bucky seeing you this way.

“you thought i'd leave you? won't like you anymore? get turned off or something?”

you nodded, knowing that was exactly what went through your head and a bit pissed that he was able to read your mind without actually having the power to do so.

bucky's eyes softened at your confession, letting out a soft sigh as he saw how badly you were beating yourself up.

“if it's because of how you look right now, then it's true. you do look different," he answered, your chest tightening. “your eyes lost their glow, you're frowning more often, your eyes are all puffy, you are definitely grumpier than usual, your lips are dry and chapped from—”

“okay, i get it, bucky! you don't have to rub it in my fa—”

“but i won't be doing whatever is on your mind. you're sick, doll. it'll affect you. it's normal. hell, i look even worse when i used to get sick, but you? you still look so fucking lovely." he held your face gently, leaning forward to kiss your forehead. “even then, i don't give a fuck on how messy you can get. i'm your boyfriend. i should be taking care of you, helping you feel better, and bringing back the glow in your eyes. please, baby. let me take care of you.”

this time, you were looking back at him. "you mean it?"

"of course I mean it," he replied softly, his voice filled with sincerity. "i love you, doll. i don't care how you look like right now. you could look like a swamp monster and be sick as a dog, and i would still think that you are the most beautiful woman for me."

you giggled softly, his words filling you with warmth and reassurance. you felt so lucky to have a man who truly loved you and handled your insecurities with such understanding and care, and even sillier for thinking he'd leave you for such reasons.

“thank you. that really made me feel better," you told him, your arms slowly creeping forward to hold him. “i'm sorry for hiding. i was just scared to turn you off or anything.”

“are you kidding? i'm trying my best not to hold you down and kiss you all over. i haven't even hugged you for a day,” bucky said, a pout on the verge of forming on his face.

“it hasn't even been a day, bucky. now, who's dramatic?" you said, rolling your eyes playfully. “and you're supposed to be on a mission tomorrow! are you really not going?”

“when i could be here taking care of you?” he asked, as if the answer was already obvious. “the others can handle it. my main priority is to do anything you want and make you feel better.”

“anything?”

he smiled, leaning down to let your lips meet softly. "anything."

( a lil bonus < 3 )

“what is that smell?”

sam, steve, and natasha entered the compound after a quick briefing for their mission tomorrow. they joined tony and clint who were having a casual conversation in the living room about the best burrito in town.

the kitchen was an open space, the aroma of whatever bucky was cooking spreading all around the nearby rooms.

sam didn't hesitate to come closer and inspect the kitchen, finding the entire counter lined up with various spices and plates that bucky filled with his dishes.

“what's the occasion? did i miss something?" sam asked, grabbing a fork to take a little taste until bucky slapped his hand away. "ow! what was that for?"

"hands off." bucky warned, frowning at sam. “that's not for you, wilson."

“not even a nibble? come on, man. it smells amazing!”

their usual bickering caught the attention of the other avengers, immediately joining them in the kitchen which annoyed bucky even more when he saw them eyeing the food he made.

"before any of you try to ask, no. this is not for any of you."

"who's it even for?" natasha asked, the least interested to have a taste, but was curious either way.

bucky answered with your name. "she's sick."

"what? since when?" clint asked, worry flashing across his face. "can we do anything?"

bucky glanced up before hesitantly answering. "well.. she did say she wanted to watch a movie after eating."

clint snapped his fingers and smiled. "i'm on it."

"i'll get jarvis to check on her vitals every hour and create a diagnosis," tony said, already tapping on his smart watch. "assuming she wouldn't be too comfortable letting the entire team know what's going on with her body, i'll just let you receive the updates. just update me with what you can, yeah?"

"i'll talk to fury and let you both have a week free from work," steve offered. "she needs the rest and she needs you."

"oh, i'll handle fury. he can't say no to his favourite," natasha said with a smug smile. "tell her i'll bring her all her favourite snacks once we're back from our mission, and that she better be back to full health so we can go out together."

bucky nodded, chest warming with the genuine concern they shared. he was excited to let you know how loved and deserving of all this you were.

if you have any requests for bucky, send them my way! 💌

[akookminsupporter]

hi Rosie:-) was wondering if you had thoughts on how tk became the most dominant ship in the bts fandom?

recently showed a non-army friend some classic run bts episodes, a few clips of jks funny/chaotic lives and also all the gcfs on YouTube. They was surprised when I said that jm/jk get a loooot of hate across the entire fandom - as an outsider looking in, they really didn’t understand it and said even briefly from seeing a few interactions that clearly these 2 had a close connection.

said they had a travel show coming out and they said people must be excited because it sounds fun but I had to explain some are even trying to boycott it 😂😭

As a babyarmy too, just don’t understand how jikook became some disliked/hated when every other one is accepted and tkk is considered the norm.

Have a great day!

Honestly, this is a question I've asked myself more than once. I know that Jungkook and Tae used to be close, always playing pranks and having fun together. In the beginning, people didn't really notice Jimin and Jungkook, apart from observing that they got along very well. But tkk was a very active duo in the early days of the group.

After that, I think it might be because they are attractive? Maybe, I'm not sure. That seems to be a predominant factor for the shippers of that ship.

As someone who entered this fandom without knowing anything about ships, I was surprised that this ship was so popular and that there were people who genuinely seemed to believe it was real. As I said, they were quite an active duo, but I think it's notable the time they started to gravitate towards other members. New dynamics began to grow stronger and different.

I think, for many members of the subgroup, it's a matter of "manly man + manly man." It's also an aesthetic issue, I think? I can't be sure.

The shippers of that ship are different. And different isn't always good. They stay afloat on baseless theories, edited photos, and lies—pure and simple lies.

I've always believed that Jikook is as disliked as you say because they make a lot of people uncomfortable. The other BTS ships are really just ships, in my opinion. Some may make you do a double-take, but generally, you can feel confident that you're seeing what you want to see or interpreting what you see the way you want to. I'm not sure if that makes sense. With Jikook, that's not the case. They have done and said things that break the illusion of "I'm seeing what I want to see" and enter into a reality—something real or with a real possibility of being so.

Many in this fandom have a certain fetish for same-sex relationships. It's almost like a taboo, something "forbidden," as such, it's fun because they know or believe it isn't real. It's a "game," and Jikook doesn't fit into that. That's why this fandom, in general, is always quick to justify, explain, and, as a last resort, OT7-ify everything Jikook says or does. That's why many people are quick to scold others for being "weird" just because they say Jikook is real. Jikook makes them uncomfortable; other ships do not.

Something that haters or Jikookphobics still don't understand is that no matter what they do, Jimin and Jungkook are not going to stop being who they are. More importantly, they are not going to stop interacting the way they always have. It didn't work in 2019, it didn't work in December 2023, and it’s not going to work now.

[autisticempathydaemon]

𝓖𝓸𝓸𝓭 𝓭𝓪𝔂,

this is for the redacted boy matchups!!

UHMMM my name’s amber, im a cat person i love cars and i have unnecessary beef with Lasko just cuz he reminds me so much of myself

I was born and raised in the Philippines ^_^, i speak 3 languages currently

this is such a halfassed introduction im so sorry SO HAPPY TO BE HEREE ok

1. What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

- Just the entirety of ‘A letter to my 13 yr old self’ by laufey but instead it’s dedicated to my friends

“Baby, know that

You’ll grow up and grow so touch and charming

Write your stories, fall in love a little too

The things you thought you’d never do”

- Every time I listen to this, I always think of them and what they’ve confided in me with, I grieve with them and just wish I could have been there to shield them from it :3

2. Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

- When it comes to longggg video essays , I usually lean towards topics that I’m already fond/familiar of so that i remain interested and focused (current interests like the mandela catalogue :D or political affairs going on in the world, or true crime)

- Dunno if it counts for a video essay but i once finished watching a 4 hour senate hearing….in one sitting

3. What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

- I often do have to take melatonin cuz sometimes there’s too much happening up there—>🧠 and i struggle to fall asleep

- asmr videos (i like the ones made by small creators cuz the rest are too predictable)

- or i have a playlist for sleeping and i usually put that on very low volume on a speaker

- I also can’t sleep without hugging something but it CANT be a person, has to be…..a pillow…or a stuffed animal

4. What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

- i only listen to the ‘don’t hang up’ halloween audio like maybe 12 times a day? For the past 4 months or so :P

- I absolutely love the trope and i loveee the way that it was executed.

- I love the cadence of his voice in that audio, and something about his demeanour is soooooo🤗🤗the gravely voice and the dark laugh is to die for (he reminds me of David a tiny tiny bit)

-something about how protective these men are and how authoritative they can get (to a certain extent) just do it for me i dunno :3

-me 🤝distorted voice on the phone

- i also rlly like porter’s first video ^_^

5. What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

- blake? Kody?

- Blake i find has very realistic ‘yandere’ qualities and that makes him more creepy for me

- Kody is very self-explanatory

6. Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

- GUUUUUYYYYYYYY or asher >_<

- These are men that I am so confident I would never catch feelings for cuz we’re very similar in a way

- I don’t tend to gravitate towards people that I share similarities with? I’m more interested in people that are the opposite (so i feel like in terms of romantic attachments, I get along with those types of people really well)

7. Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

- i feel like im not answering the question properly but when i ramble (which I do a lot) i sort of don’t stick to one topic

- I don’t know anything about anything so I usually ramble about one thing and then move on with another topic

- (halfway thru typing i just realized what this is actually asking) but when im tired that’s when I actually stop talking for once :D

8. Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. 

- i have a playlist full of filipino songs because I currently live in Canada and i am soooo homesick, also doesn’t help that I haven’t really met any other filipinos (outside of immediate family members) :(

- there’s also another which is just full of songs released in the 1900’s, not only do i enjoy listening to old-school songs, i was also raised by old people so these type of songs basically defined my childhood.

9. What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

- Boyfriend asmr >_<

- Maybe fanfics of fictional characters???

- I’m especially partial to yandere stuff…cuz…idk i wish i knew

- Also cupcakke (i’ve put her on shuffle and managed to complete a big assignment in one sitting so thats my queen)

10. Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

- it would be the Haunting of Bly Manor (horror, suspense, romance, drama?)

- GAY PPL CAN NEVER BE HAPPY RAGHHH

- Definitely my favorite ‘horror’ series

- It’s special to me because I find a lot of horror media to be…just very hard to enjoy since gore and jumpscares don’t really do it for me

- Haunting of Bly Manor stands out from the rest of horror movies/series because the storytelling is immaculate, characters are complex (and you actually feel the loss when they get killed off unlike others), and the pacing is perfect

- It reads like a fairytale and a bedtime story, and given the plot, it might as well be a love story too

- There’s so many figurative/metaphorical occurrences that i can break down and unpack and thats why I find it enjoyable: its thought-provoking and just the right amount of scary

- It also has that ‘gothic’ aura to it that i ABSOLUTELY LOVE

11. Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

- idk about gas station but i like chocolate milk more than anything else

12. As for the enneasgram (i cant spell) test thingy….i can’t do it cuz it’s making me pay…BUT! I do know my MBTI personality thing is..INFP…or ISTJ…idk it kinda changes everytime i do it

That is all. You have 2 hours. /j🤗

I hope this is enough info (i also hope it’s not too much :D) and im not even sure im answering them right 😖 but regardless I enjoyed myself. You’re so awesome for doing stuff like this i cant wait im gnawing at my enclosures rn.

This was a hard one to consider- I wanted to take into account your attraction to people who contrast you while also finding someone similar enough that I feel they’d be compatible. In my heart, in my gut, this left Sam.

In a few ways, you have significant things in common. You’re both introverts. You’d like the same music, given Sam’s age, and you’d have the same taste in horror (which is very important if you ask my boyfriend and I. Crucial, even.). Yet, in fun and cute ways, you differ. Sam’s a dog person. Sam doesn’t get your love of yanderes, cars, or true crime. (So he says. He’s the type of DILF where he walks in on you watching a true crime documentary and just stands there, refusing to sit down.)

Just as he deserves, your life together with Sam would be so peaceful; he’s a peace and quiet kind of guy, you know? I’m imagining a cabin in the woods, a cat and a dog because y’all would make them get along, long drives in his ancient truck that amazingly still runs only because he fixes it by hand. I’m thinking of movie nights where Sam mother-hens you and rations the sugary, junk food snacks y’all get for it because he has to take care of his human and make sure you get a balanced diet.

Song:

On a lonely highway stuck out in the rain/ Darlin' all I have to do is speak your name/ The clouds roll back and the waters part/ The sun starts shinin' in my heart for you/ You're right there in everything I do

It’s not a creative take, but I think Sam loves country music; I think he’s a man of taste! It reminds me, and therefore him, of all the fun, nostalgic parts of home! Does he love this particular country song? I’m not sure, but one, it makes me think of Sam carrying you and your love with him wherever and whenever he goes in his immortal life. Two, it literally uses the term “darlin’” in it, okay, that’s a sign. That’s a done deal.

Runner-ups:

Damien is a runner-up because you see a lot of yourself in Lasko and you like people that contrast you. This is actually derivative of a ship I like quite a lot; I thought Damien/Lasko had this wonderful two sides of the same coin dynamic before HuxDami became canon. Vincent is your other runner-up because his extroverted nature is so fun opposite your introversion, but you’d still bond a lot over a mutual love of cars.

note: if you love horror movies without jumpscares or gore, I cannot recommend “They Look Like People” enough. It’s quite literally my favorite.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[galaxostars]

If you had to choose your top five favourite marauders era characters and ships, what would they be?

This question was actually so hardddd haha and I feel like you could ask me again in a month and my answer would be different bc I’m such a multishipper that… yeah xD but for now here it issss :

Fave characters :

1. James Potter : mhm I love myself an arrogant goofball who’s actually smarter than people give him credit for, who’s got so much love he’s impulsive with it and hurts the ones he loves, who doesn’t know what to do with the loneliness that grips him sometimes, who defines himself by his ability to help people, who rarely allows himself to express himself negatively (ex : sadness/anger/frustration) because if there’s one thing that he fears the most, it’s hurting people. Plus, he hasn’t got any trauma or anything so why should he complain, yk?

Basically I love a good flawed James, and the sort of character where you wouldn’t expect him to have issues yk

2. Sirius Black : I mean… cmon do I even need to explain? ‘Cause if I start idk when I’ll stop, like literally. Ive had a crush on this character since I was eleven and never grew out of it, its almost embarrassing if it wasn’t completely justified (and the only reason he’s not number one is just because I write him less than James so I feel like I know him less intimately but like if you’d have asked me before I started writing I’d have put him number one for sure)

3. Regulus Black : !!!!! sorry but indoctrinated younger ‘abandoned’ (in between quotes bc he was not Sirius’ responsibility and Sirius was right to save himself but it’s also very normal for regulus to feel that way etc etc… we know the drill) sibling who’s faced with sudden delusion about this superior figure he’s followed/served, everything he’s lost in the process, and who redeems himself by going on this suicide mission that ends up being useless? (And unknown by Sirius AHHHH.) The guy is literally so smart and technically such a loser bc he doesn’t serve much for the plot and that’s what compelled me so much the first time I read hp 😭 he’s so tragic I love it

4. Narcissa Black : younger sibling; once again similar pattern to regulus but she survived, she’s so smart I’m, like, shaky in the knees, (esp i love female characters who do what they have to do to survive), she’s powerful too, and jkr is shit at writing female characters and I will never not be pissed abt it but I do think cissa was very compelling (+ Helen McCrory’s acting game was sooo perfect), very protective of her family and will stop at nothing to protect them, and that’s a value I respect so much. I will say, in general, any member of the black family is very compelling to me. Bellatrix would come right after narcissa in terms of fave from that family.

5. Barty Crouch Jr : listen if you know me, you know I’m… idk how to define myself actually, but I like unhinged stuff so. This is like. Peak unhingedness. Paired with intelligence bc we know canonically that man was smart af, and daddy issues? Dark hair, too? You just described my type. He’s even more compelling in tragic storylines (like past bartylus and barty joining Voldemort for regulus and then faced w the delusion and the grief? Gut wrenching) so yup.

Favorite pairings :

1. Moonshine (remus/james) : I know this sounds weird but a certain fanfic re wrote my brain chemistry and ever since then I’ve been obsessed. I just think they’re so tragically beautiful together. They’re both very selfless beings that just give and give and never prioritize themselves and together it’s a mess. They keep hurting each other because they’re so selfless, they’re not very good at reading each other and they let their insecurities get the best, they’re both frightened of how much they love, of the other not wanting them, of needing to « tame » their emotions. I love them.

2. Prongsfoot : FUCKING FOAMING AT THE MOUTH ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Together they’re. They. Just. I hate them bc of how much I love them if that makes sense. They’re everything. A law of the universe and whatnot. I love everyyyy fucking version of them. They make me cry they make me scream they make me smile they make me laugh, they’re literally my comfort ship.

3. Jegulus : they’re kind of the pairing that made me join the fandom, and though I don’t read them as much as I used to, they’ll always make me so soft. Enemies to lovers? Yeah, well I’m not immune yk. Best friend’s brother? Even better. Tragic and doomed? Yeah sign me the fuck up. I will say I like them just as much when it’s jegulily, but that’s also because I think poly relationships are so complex and compelling.

4. Moonwater : and not platonic haha, i have to say that basically i ship anyone who’s very smart imo with regulus, and Remus passes the test. Plus he’s also introverted, a book nerd, done with James and Sirius so i feel like they could bond very easily. I prefer them in a non canon sitting tho for some reason, but yeah I’m. So fond of them. They get into heated debates. Even their ship name is so dear to me because, that’s like both their biggest fears and pairing them in one name feels like they can overcome them if they’re together ? 😭 it’s so sweet (plus, it allows me to ship prongsfoot on the side lmfao)

5. Regulily : same reasoning as up there but like they’re probs the only het pairings that I really really love. i never expected them to be so important (but *cough cough* disintegration happened…) but honestly they make a lot of sense? I feel like Regulus would be more confident with Lily, and Lily would feel more calm with Regulus? They’re that scary hot powerful quiet couple yk. Anddd they can bond over siblings angst lmao.

[suckerforcate]

Could you please write a Larissa weems x reader angst/song fic inspired by brand new city by mitski?

R is a famous artist who leaves out of the blue and shows up at Nevermore as the new art teacher? Larissa is a fan of their work and is confused why they chose nevermore and learns they were a former student. R has struggled with their mental health and being in the public eye led to drug use but managed to stay clean for their longest period just before/whilst teaching. This comes crashing down when they are having a panic attack before one on one meeting with Larissa because they are head over heels and think that she couldn't possibly like someone like them back and they think that they are going to get fired because they have no confidence in their teaching so they find their old emergency stash in a jacket pocket and take it before the meeting? This leads to a very concerned Larissa as R are acting weird so she questions them about what's wrong and they spill everything about being into them and about their issues since they are very out of it? Larissa basically just takes care of them til they sober up and holds R as they cry about having ruined everything thinking they 100% have no chance now but in fact Larissa loves them and just wants them to be the healthiest version of themself and is sad they didn't come talk to them about their issues sooner?

What'd you take?

Pairing: Larissa Weems x Reader

Word Count: 1953

Warning: mental health problems, drug addiction, relapse, panic attack

A/n: I really hope you like it, I tried to put some of the lyrics into the story. I hope I did alright! <3

Ever since you had been a little child, you had wanted to be a singer. You imagined it would free you from the poor life you had had. Your family never had a lot of money, and you wanted to be able to give them something back. But, turns out famous life isn't that great.

It had been great at the beginning, it felt like a haze. A haze of success and people all around, loving you and your music. But with time you got worse, the pressure that came with standing in the public eye, the massive hate that you received from some people. It overwhelmed you completely, you felt you weren't strong enough. But you had always loved what you were doing, so for quite some time you tried to find ways to withstand the pressure.

Slowly you fell into a serious drug addiction, and while you knew the shit you had brought yourself into, it's hard to stop if you're addicted. In the end your sister had been the one, who pulled you out of the whole you had fallen into. She helped you with quitting the pills and sobered you up.

You didn't plan on going back into show business, the fear of relapse was too great. So you took a little break and searched for a job. It was hard, wherever you applied, people recognised you and made a fuss. You just wanted to have some peace and get away from all the chaos. Your mother actually had the idea, that convinced you.

And that's how you found yourself in the office of Larissa Weems, headmistress of Nevermore Academy.

"Can I just ask, how did you become aware of Nevermore Academy? It's quite unusual for such famous people to apply at a school like ours." You had seen the question roam through her mind since the second you entered her office. As a singer you hadn't used your real name, so the postal apply hadn’t shown Principle Weems who you were. But your face certain had.

"Well, I have been a student her myself, over ten years ago. And I needed some distance from the whole show business. A school in the middle of the woods seems like the perfect match, doesn't it?" To your absolute delight, you got the job. And the day you moved in, was also the day that you had been sober for 200 days. Standing in your own little room in the Academy, proud was the word that came to your mind. You were so proud of you, you hadn't rotten in a whole of despair and addiction, no. You had built up a new life, a healthy life.

That new life was going great. Your students seemed to love you, even though they were a little taken aback the first time they entered the classroom, seeing you as their teacher. But it didn't take them long to recover from the initial shock. You realised you should have probably been a teacher all your life. Yes you loved singing, but this. This healed your heart, it was a passion you had never known to have.

The school and your work there brought you utmost peace and joy and with time you even felt yourself fall in love. While that as itself was wonderful and the most beautiful feeling, it brought a few problems with it. The first and most obvious one being, that you had fallen in love with Larissa. Your boss. Great, right?

At the beginning you hadn't even realised that you were in love with her. You had never been in love, so how do you differ between being in love with someone and just being happy to see them because they're your friend? No idea.

But with time it became obvious even to you. Ian, your favourite colleague had told you a long time before you had known it yourself.

"My god, (Y/n). Don't be so oblivious, you have the biggest crush on that woman." You stared at him in shock.

"What, no! I have not." Ian just grinned, he knew you would realise it yourself sooner or later. In your case it was later. It took you unbelievable long.

But one day you eventually did. You were in the library with Ian and Larissa came over to talk to you. It wasn't anything important, just some things about class. Right before she turned to leave, she looked you up and down and smirked.

"I really like the dress! It makes your pretty eyes pop out." And with that she left, not seeing you blush like crazy. You stared after her, and suddenly you turned to look at Ian.

"Oh god, I'm in love with her." Embarrassed you hid your face in your hands while Ian started laughing so much her had actual tears roll down his cheek. Everyone in the library looked at you, thankfully they hadn't heard your confession though. They just thought Ian was going crazy.

Well that was that.

-----------------

The thing with you in general was, that you were very unsure of yourself and extremely insecure in everything you did. You never felt like you were doing good or like you were enough. And that became quite the problem.

It had been a normal day, classes went quite well, and you had already finished some of your work as Larissa approached you. Face not kind and patient as usual, it looked rather displeased and cold.

"(Y/n), would you come to my office in an hour. We need to talk." You gulped and just nodded, immediately leaving for your room. The look on her face made you panic. All of your insecurities overthrowing your rational thinking.

What if she wants to fire me? I knew I was doing a shit job at teaching. I'm not made for this.

Now even the tiniest chance of her liking me is lost. She probably hates me, how could I have ever thought to have a chance with her. Why on earth would she like me?

You felt your mind getting filled with more and more fears and negative thoughts. Slowly but surely a panic attack was arising. You had been so proud of you new, healthy life, and you were more scared than ever to have that taken away from you.

Your breathing got unsteady, and your chest felt tight. It felt like your body was falling in pieces. Legs giving up underneath you, slowly sliding down the door. You held your trembling hand against your chest in hopes of being calmed by your heart beat, just to find your heart racing. It felt like your blood was passing you by. Still breathing ragged, you clung to the jacket that was hung over the chair next to you, and felt a little packet in it. You immediately knew what it was, and you very well knew how stupid this was. But rationality wasn't your biggest strength right now.

So you took the pills, probably the last ones you still had. It had been your emergency pack, even though for a while now you hadn't thought to ever need them again. Still leaning at your door, your breathing slowly flattened no you didn't feel like chocking anymore. The trembling of the hands decreased, and you could stand up again.

Calmed down now, you left your room and went to Larissa's office. You weren't even scared anymore, who cares if you'll get fired?

"Could I have some water?" Larissa found your behaviour to be extremely strange. Your pupils were extremely dilated, you complained about the heat on her office the whole time. It wasn't hot in her office, not at all.

"(Y/n), that's the third glass of water. You have been here for ten minutes."

"Well, apparently I'm quite thirsty. My, It's hot on here Larissa." That was it, this behaviour was absolutely unlike you.

"Darling, are you feeling alright. I'm a little worried about you?" You just looked at her, not really grasping what was happening.

"I just took a little. Really just a bit." That alarmed Larissa, and she immediately rounded her desk, sitting down next to you.

"What'd you take? Honey, look at me." You felt her take your hands and gently stroke over your pulse point. In hindsight, you weren't exactly sure what made you spill. Her gentleness, the worry in her eyes or your absolute despair.

"I'm so sorry. I've taken the pills. I know I shouldn't have, I- I- If you'll fire me, I can understand that but-" Larissa didn't look angry at all, no, she actually cupped your cheek and brushed the tears away.

"Shhh, Darling. Calm down, what pills?" You had a hard time breathing again, but managed to get some words out.

"My emergency pack. I- I ended my career because I had a drug addiction, but I was clean. I didn't- when I came her ... I hadn't for over half a year."

"It's alright, shh. Let it out, my beautiful dove." She pulled you into her chest and let you cry, hearing her heart beat made you calm down, until your breathing was normal again.

"Ok, love. You know I don't want to push, but I'm also your employer and I need to know what happened. Why did you take the pills?" You washed the tears away, even though that was useless as the next were already on their way. Ashamed you looked to the floor.

"I had a panic attack after you told me we needed to talk. I thought the ground was pulling me down. You looked so- so cold and angry. I thought I did something wrong, that you'd fire me, and I was so scared to lose the life I had so neatly built up again. I love this school and my work here, and I love you, and I was scared that you'd hate me and I- wait, no- what did I just say? No- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." Larissa just pulled you into a warm hug.

"(Y/n), calm down. Firstly, I didn't want to fire you. I'm so sorry that I made you think that. I just had an annoying situation with a student right before that and was a little on edge. I just wanted to talk about a club, you might like to do. Secondly, I don't hate you. I'm not mad about the pill thing, I just wished you would have come to me earlier. Telling me about your problems and fears. I want you to know that I'm always there for you. Because thirdly, I love you." Your eyes widened. All of your fears and thoughts had been absolutely unfounded. You had just assumed things, and you had misjudged her completely. You started to uncontrollably sob at that.

"Hush, love. Please don't cry. All is well." She gently rubbed your back and held you through it all.

"And please, don't think that you have failed your journey on sobriety. You relapsed, yes. But that's not the end of the world. We'll get you sobered up, and I'll stay with you though it all. And if you have any pills left we'll throw them out. I want you to talk to me in the future, if you ever feel like you'll relapse. Failure is a part of success." You nodded your head against her chest. Thankful for whatever fate, that this woman had become a part of your life.

And she held her promise. She helped you throw away the last pills, she was there for you when it got hard. She truly saved you. She and this school, where the best thing that and ever happened to you

[panharmonium]

What do you think about this: "Kakashi was never interested in Sasuke as an individual, he only projected himself into him and saw a smaller version of himself on Sasuke, Sasuke was never Sasuke to him, just a little Kakashi". I wanted to know your opinion because I miss your meta posts and I feel like lately people are hating Kakashi for things that aren't real :/, also you are really good at explaining and I feel that both characters need love

Hello! Thanks for the question!

The answer to "what do i think about this" is, honestly, that I don't think about it X) I watched the whole show without engaging with the fandom at all (for fear of spoilers, initially), so I was able to experience it without being exposed to anyone else's thoughts, and now that I'm done I generally still avoid poking around, because devoting mental energy to opinions that I find bizarre/not supported by the text doesn't enhance my fandom experience.

Kakashi and Sasuke's relationship is one of the most compelling things about the series to me. I was very surprised when I finished the show/manga and first exposed myself to the fandom only to find so few people invested in them, but at this point I've (mostly) stopped asking myself "what show was everyone else watching" and just settled into enjoying the show that I watched, because that's more fun for me. I can't convince people not to dislike Kakashi if that's what they want to do. I do find it a little weird, because I don't think that's what the story is asking from us, but as long as people mind their business and aren't bugging me on my own blog, they're free to do what they want.

I know it can be frustrating when there are people hating various characters for "things that aren't real," but the fact that these criticisms aren't "real" is precisely why I generally avoid engaging with them. For Kakashi, specifically, there are certain things people can say that will immediately make me stop taking them seriously - "projecting" is one. "Bootlicking" is another, but again, these terms are so wildly inaccurate that I'm not interested in talking about them. The manga and the show are easily accessible; if people want to rewatch/re-read them, they can.

In general, I just prefer to avoid engaging with most of the fandom negativity I see. I think overall most of the rancor I've stumbled across boils down to people engaging with the story in very ungenerous ways, if that makes sense, and that's not how I prefer to read/watch things. Like - back when I was still in the middle of watching the show, I remember someone sent me a message saying that they loved seeing me talk about the story with earnestness/joy, and it was such a lovely message to receive, but it also made me pause and wonder for a second if this was really an uncommon enough thing to be remarked upon. Wouldn't that be the default? Aren't we all here because we love the story and the characters so much? But the truth is that sometimes it does feel like large chunks of fandom spaces (not just Naruto, I mean; I've certainly experienced this elsewhere) are very focused on being negative about "things that aren't real," as you said. Like - people calling Sakura "abusive" for bopping Naruto on the head when he says something rude, when this is not something the text is even remotely trying to say about her. People writing off Jiraiya's entire storyline because of the non-consensual spying on women - which, yes, of course, is disgusting and wrong. Obviously. I am very aware of that. However, I can simultaneously recognize that the story isn't really interested in that or intending me to read it like that; the voyeurism is written as a joke (yes, I understand how gross that is) and there are a hundred potential personal and/or patriarchal and/or genre-related and/or cultural factors that may have gone into Kishimoto writing this particular fail. If I want to understand and appreciate what the story was ACTUALLY trying to communicate with Jiraiya (that he's an idealist who gave up on the world when everything went wrong, who turned to shallow pleasures of the flesh to distract him from the pain of his disillusionment, and who was finally restored to his former faith after meeting Naruto), then I have to mindfully set the voyeurism aside and go, "This writer wrote a gross thing, and I recognize that, but I'm also not going to fixate on it, because I can simultaneously appreciate/find meaning in what he was really trying to say."

I think some of the Kakashi complaints out there very much fall under this umbrella. If I have to see one more person frothing at the mouth about Kakashi briefly tying Sasuke (a qualified ninja who has already demonstrated his ability to escape rope restraints and whom Kakashi has been individually mentoring, sparring against, and connecting with for a month) to a tree for approximately sixty seconds - honestly. I don't know how to tell people they're missing the point, so I don't bother.

Ultimately, the fact of the matter is that people are entitled to dislike any character that they want, even for contrived reasons. As long as they're doing their own thing in their own space and letting me do my thing in mine, we're good.

[youremyheaven]

https://www.tumblr.com/youremyheaven/757354769389109248/i-had-some-perspective-altering-sex-with-this?source=share

didi i am thats college anon i think you need tobtell your beauty secret or they mantra and tantra you are doing you are just attracting Venusian man like 🧲🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️ how... the half of eorld is mad for you spell the secrete didi ( i am tsking notes ) hehe 😈😈😈😈

I've been chanting mantras for years 😭😭😭so that definitely could be why. I worship one tantric Goddess who I feel deeply connected to and then I worship another non-tantric Goddess. I firmly believe we should worship who calls to us??? Like I felt called by her to worship her. SHE chose me.

Ngl my whole life, I've had guys go crazy for me 😌 and imo I wasn't as pretty then (as a teenager) as I am now as a 24yr old woman but over the years I've attracted men who would literally do anything for me 😭 and I'm pretty sure I mention the "he's been asking me out for a year, the other guy's been obsessed with me for 5years etc" but that's the thing, no one who's ever wanted me stops wanting me and I literally don't have to do anything. I don't talk to them. I don't go out with them. I give them absolutely nothing in return but now I realise that all these men are most likely Venusians bc nobody else will love you like that.

I've had all kinds of encounters with men and many have been unpleasant so it's not like every man I see is a lovesick Venusian who worships me or anything but yeah I am a magnet for Venusian men 😭😭😭

I've also been practicing tantra yoga for years now and I think my sexual energy is very well developed 😌and potent 😳

People who say things like "I attract the wrong kind of attention bc I'm sexy" are lowkey deluding themselves ngl, I'm not saying you'll never meet creeps (that's not something you can control) but well cultivated sexual energy (qi as the Chinese call it) makes people respect you and worship you. It's very powerful. There's a reason why ancient Indian temples have sexual iconography, it's because sexual energy is so potent 🤌

I've never deliberately tried to seduce men tbh. I won't lie, I've cultivated a certain amount of physical magnetism 😳 but I feel like the less I care or the less "bhaav" (attention) I give them, the more they want me. I don't do it on purpose. I'm just not someone who can text and call someone frequently, I really need my alone time and I HATEEEE talking about myself (ik I talk about myself a lot on this blog but if you pay attention you'll know how little I actually share) I hate being asked questions about my life 😭 even irl 😭 and I genuinely dislike the whole "getting to know someone" stage 😭 I feel drained sharing my inner world with others??? Irl I don't speak much 😭to most people and I prefer the company of those I can be comfortably silent with 😭 like I make small talk with many people and THEY share their deepest darkest secrets with me and I occasionally say TMI shit like I do on my blog but in general very few people could name 5 things about me lmao 💀 I think me being very private has made me more "mysterious" and "intriguing" (that's what I hear from people) and it increases the desire that one feels. The more hard to reach somebody is, the more you want them etc 👀

So the key is probably not being constantly available, not really caring about them, minding your own business, maintaining yourself and being conventionally feminine 🤌🤌🤌🤠

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Some replies! A couple about daily posting, some about twst boys.

Anonymous asked:

I hope you don’t feel rushed to post every alternate day. It’s your blog, and if you ever want to take breaks, please take as much time as you want! Always prioritise yourself first! Anyway, that aside, thank you for bestowing upon this fandom such incredible work!

Thank you so much, Anon! This is very sweet, I am very happy to hear that!

Don’t worry about it: we love this blog too much to let ourselves get burnt out by it, so whenever we’ll need it, we’ll take breaks or skip days. Fortunately, you guys are very understanding of our circumstances, so it’s all good <3

Anonymous asked:

I did see the tail post (though I had to check twt before realizing it was a tail... I didn't see the caption.) You just tend to upload multiple times every day (now that I think about it, how do you work with all the art? I want a job with that much free time! ...Sleep is important despite what Idia would say) so I was worried. Glad to know your ok!

-(Overly(?)-)Anxious Anon

P.S. Sorry if I asked to many personal questions: boundaries are not my strong suit. Feel free to ignore them, and please tell me if I make you uncomfortable. I really like your work, and I would hate to make you feel uncomfortable by asking something too personal.

It's okay, Anon; I understand! It must be weird when someone who posts multiple times per day suddenly doesn't post anything, but it really isn't anything to be worried about. It also still feels a little bit weird to skip even a day after that twitter thing that happened in May on my fucking birthday. It was a month-long forced break, and it still haunts us lol Your questions and concerns are perfectly fine and not out of any boundaries.

I draw a lot and pretty much all the time: I start the day by drawing for work (commissions and such, up to six hours), then I take a break to write replies (one hour, or sometimes more, on weekends it can go up to two), then I prepare something for us to post (2-3 hours) + draw for fun for the rest of the day. I also have long sketching sessions whenever I can, and it usually results with a bunch of simple sketches. And we always end up having some stuff to post. Well, usually it’s too much stuff lol Fortunately, I don’t have to ever think about what to post because Katsu does pretty much 100% of our posting. Because of that, I can focus on what I love to do most – you guessed it, drawing. I can’t stress enough how much it helps me out woah.

We usually post replies at around tea time in our time zone (well, Katsu’s), and we post my art ~three hours before going to bed, so to us, this posting feels like once a day. Things for ko-fi and my private twitter are posted in the morning, but if ko-fi posts are twice per day, then one of them is in the evening for us... It’s a lot to keep in mind lol But sometimes we have a couple of things to post, ofc, so these go an hour before our usual posting time so that we won’t replace it with something fewer people are going to like. This is why I said that it helps me out a lot...

I am pretty sure that I am an obsessive weirdo when it comes to drawing, but to be honest, I’ve always been this way. Don’t worry though, I take good care of myself and after a certain point stop drawing for the day; plus, I never draw when I’m tired, and I would never force myself when my back or hand hurt (that doesn’t really happen btw).

And I know that we probably won’t be able to post twst every day for the rest of our lives (for starters, we won’t be into twst forever, as sad as it is…), but for now we can and we’re having fun with it, so I’m very happy about it! Thank you for enjoying our stuff; I say it all the time, but I mean it.

It’s going to sound cheesy, but for now I feel very happy and lucky to be able to draw so much and post so often. With the help of people around me (especially Katsu), with your support, it’s been really great. I want to keep doing it while it lasts and while I can.

Anonymous asked:

Yes, I’d like his number. But considering how old he is maybe smoke signals are more up his valley

(this is about Lilia)

Apparently he likes written letters, Anon, so maybe it will work just as nicely lol

Anonymous asked:

Great. I now low-key ship desperate/thirsty ghost and rook

Well, let’s be honest. Rook would.

[pemberlyprose]

Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice - A Tangent

Let's talk about Louis. Actually, let's talk about this novel first. This book was so unnerving, disturbing, and unsettling in many ways. I find myself reflecting on it with melancholy and distress. Why? Why, of all the feelings this book gave me, am I left feeling emptier than satisfied? I find it a remarkable piece of literature for the way it parallels Louis's experiences and inner dimensions with the experience and dimensions of the reader.

For example, are we not also vampires feeding off his life? In a way, I think that is what's most interesting about the ending of Anne Rice's novel. Just like the reader, the boy interviewing Louis feels unsatisfied. Louis tells his life story not for entertainment, but I think for a semblance of compassion and understanding. Part of me feels this is his way of saying "Look at me. Am I no longer human? Am I more human than you? Do I exist as nothing and 'to nothingness do sink?'" (That's right, ya gurl is taking this opportunity to quote Keats and you can't stop me >:D )

It reminds me of Alan Turing in The Imitation Game:

"Now you judge, am I a man or a machine?" To which the policeman stares at him for a moment and says, "I cannot judge you." Alan Turing replies, "Then you are of no use to me."

(Paraphrased)

So, I keep asking myself: what was it Louis wanted to hear? What is it I might've said in the interviewer's place? Honestly, I don't know that I could have said anything. I certainly wouldn't have desired a vampires life after listening to his.

Anyway, I have deviated from my point which is how we are also vampires in a way. This unsettles me. The voyeurism that is inflicted (elected?) on the reader creates a dimensional association with the novel. Not only am I listening in on this story being told, but I am also imagining it as I choose, deconstructing it as it is built, and judging it as it laid before me. There are images, scenes, moments, that even Louis doesn't want to be part of that, as the reader, I am now conscious of in multiple facets.

He did not ask me to listen to his story, unlike the interviewer, and yet I am listening all the same. Would this have bothered Louis? Being watched, analyzed, and interpreted freely in this way? He's scrutinized by the same detached observer in us that he resents in himself as a vampire.

I think of the scene in the theater, where all those people are watching the young girl be tormented and murdered. I hate that scene, and yet, I kept reading. Like Louis, I couldn't take my eyes off the page. No matter how uncomfortable and disturbing it was to know the truth, to see behind the curtain of the play, I was still (in a confusing way) restricted to being an ignorant member of the audience.

I also think of Hamlet, and the power of plays inside a play, stories inside stories… they reflect us as readers in our poorest and strongest lights. I felt just as distorted and upset as Louis (well probably not AS MUCH but I could connect to his feelings in degrees) while that poor girl was killed.

Aren't I no better than a vampire, watching from my box and letting the pages turn as they will?

Of course, these are theoretical questions as I know full well, I can't jump into a book and beat up a room full of vampires for their demented games. I mean, Louis sets them all on fire, which is well deserved, I think. But what I'm getting at is the contemplations Louis faces throughout his life as a vampire are the same contemplations we face while experiencing its retelling.

If anything, I think the retelling of a story is more powerful than its first life, because it comes with the wisdom of hindsight and introspection. We get a certain amount of distance from those experiences because Louis protects us from their intensity. He is the shield, and the window, through which the tale is recounted. But that is painful for him, and he becomes more distanced from his humanity in doing so. Again, I see so many parallels to vampirism! Louis, through his story gives us a vampire's life, but first we must be drained to the point of death. We must be numb to all biases, objections, and fears of the human world to grasp vampirism in this way.

I have so many conflicting thoughts and feel frustrated by my inability to sort them and feel them. Louis… just…. Oh! That's one more thing. Louis is another "passive" character who lets bad things happen even though he knows it is wrong!

There is a trend in these novels-- philosophically inclined novels regarding humanity and what it means--- in which the protagonist possesses a strong moral code and awareness, but lacks the strength to oppose or stand up for it. For example: Dorian Grey, Adam (Frankenstein's monster),Yobo Ozo, Hamlet, the main character in Almond, Oliver Marks in If We Were Villians, etc.

These characters all suffer at the hands of a hedonistic/ mentally unstable counterpart who incite moral deconstruction via god complex. Louis possesses awareness and goodness but, like these characters, suffers because he is too afraid to challenge or oppose the things/people he loves who do not possess these things. The only sacred thing is knowledge. Which OH MY LANTA do not get me started on the value of knowledge in these books because hspdkfajsdlfjkasdfhasldkfjasd/a!!!

WHY? What is it about passivity, about the inability to stand, that makes these characters so prone to madness and, eventually, the loss of their character? Is passivity the true crime?? I wonder if the stories of these characters are meant to teach us the inevitability of "damnation" via the world or the fact that goodness is the only way to survive it's corruption?

Achk! I just fucking love literature. Anyway, these are my thoughts and feelings on the subject. I'm going to go stand dramatically at a cliffside and scan the ocean for answers now because I feel remarkably existential about all this <3

[sapphire-weapon]

Hey so... Capcom hates unions, right? If this is the case... I'm kinda wondering if Stephanie even works with them any more.

See, the past couple of years she's been posting stuff on her Instagram stories about strikes and picketing. Not even just with the recent video game VA ones. The SAG-AFTRA stuff. IIRC she even stopped promoting Death Island stuff for a little while there. This is all good, don't get me wrong... all the AI bullshit needs to stop and I'm ecstatic she's being vocal about it.

As far as I've seen, other RE VAs haven't been posting anything about any of that. I could be wrong about this however.

But this could explain why she's been a little more bold with her statements about stuff lately. And when people asked if Claire was going to be in RE9 she said something like, "Oh they're making that?" Like, she maybe legitimately didn't know they were.

Isn't this the reason why they stopped using the last VA for Claire too? Or am I wrong?

Plus, even if she was replaced, we wouldn't know until the next game or movie comes out or is close to coming out since this seems to be the pattern recently.

Again, I'm probably looking too much into this but I just saw someone else talking about Capcom and unions and IDK... got me thinking.

so... this is something that's been lost to time in a game of telephone. it's something i've even been guilty of perpetuating and only just now realized that i fucked up by perpetuating it when i looked it up to refresh myself on what happened.

alyson court came out in 2017 and said that she would not be returning as claire for RE2make and said that capcom had decided to go with non-union actors instead. paul mercier then also came out and backed up her statement -- that he would not be returning as leon. alyson then made a follow-up video stating that this was NOT related to the recent voice actors strike. it was simply about contracting. basically, capcom shopped around until they found actors they liked that were willing to work at a price that capcom was willing to pay. alyson said that it was extremely disappointing that capcom wasn't willing to pay actors a working wage.

but despite alyson's clarifications, the damage had already been done. what was intended as "i was union-protected to ask for a certain amount of money, and capcom wasn't willing to pay it" morphed into "CAPCOM WILL NO LONGER WORK WITH UNION ACTORS."

but that's patently untrue.

because they kept on matt mercer for both vendetta and DI despite him having always been in the union.

capcom also pays top dollar for union actors in devil may cry. reuben langdon (dante), dan southworth (vergil), and johnny young bosch (nero) are all union actors.

hirabayashi has come out and told us that RE2make was built on a very tight budget due to capcom's lack of faith in the project, so it makes sense that they decided to cut costs where they could -- including when it came to voice acting.

so, really, capcom is willing to work with union actors... but only when they see the cost benefit for doing so.

if steph is no longer voicing claire, it won't be because she's in a union. it'll be because capcom doesn't feel she's worth the money anymore.

but her lack of knowledge of RE9 has nothing to do with her still being in capcom's good graces. as far as we know from leaks, claire isn't in RE9. and if claire isn't in RE9, why the fuck would steph know about its existence? game companies don't contact every single main cast actor in a series and update them every single time a new project is underway. only people who are working on the project know about it.

so, unfortunately, the likeliest explanation remains: stephanie panisello is just an asshole.

good question, tho. good ask.

[mrs-monaghan]

Shaz i Just realized something today. Pple really need to start taking you more seriously when u say certain things. I remember months ago, you mentioned a few times that you know Jk would very much like to go Live with Jimin but maybe Jimin is the one who doesn’t want to. I remember saying to myself “nah Shaz is probably talking outta her ass and being very taekookerish rn” lol. But u were vindicated cuz we came to find out that Jk does indeed want to do a live with Jimin but Jimin is playing hard to get. I also remember you talking about how Jk hates the vermin but I personally had not seen any reason to believe he hated them cuz he still hung out with Tae and stuff but i guess these last few months or weeks have proved you right again because the whole world can clearly see that Jk has a problem with those pple. Let’s start with him looking almost disgusted at the mere thought of living with Tae, or how visibly uncomfortable he looked when he kept getting questioned about Tae on that Live, and also how everytime he does stuff for Jimin, the cult start manifesting he does the same for Tae and he just doesn’t. And now after liking that Jin video from a tk page, he went ahead to (probably) delete the comment prolly cus his algorithm got messed up with tk stuff. My point is, I won’t be completely closed minded to certain theories u come up with cuz u’ve actually been proven right quite a few times. Cuz who would hv thought we would see an almost desperate Jk insisting for Jimin to let him come over and do a live? I never thought i’d live to see a day like that lol.

Let’s be honest, pple wanna be like shippers this shippers that, but the truth is, Jk has never shown any discomfort at pple thinking he is fucking Jimin. Not even once, hell he is the only one feeding us jokers now cuz Jimin aint giving us shit to eat. Without Jk alot of us might have thought they broke up and gone about our lives but everyone can see clearly that Jk is the one still keeping us grounded in our Jikook belief. He does all these but doesn’t care to feed tkkrs at all. The only thing he does which feeds them is basically hanging out with his friend Tae. That’s literally it! He doesn’t go out of his way to do anything that might feed the vermin and that is why now, they are claiming Jk is Tae’s washing machine and Tae is Jk’s refrigerator lmaoo. That is why now they are getting hit tweets by claiming that old sounding hacking and coughing we heard from Tae’s live was Jk lmaoo. That is why now they are photoshopping blurry af pic to claim that tk went on a restaurant date and a beach date😂😂😂😂. Tae used to feed them alot b4 but for some reason he stopped so they basically hv nothing these days. Plus taennie gets one step closer to getting properly confirmed everyday and they are losing it. Now they are planning to hit us with “Jikook is fake love” everytime we have something to celebrate lmaooo.

Anyways, i respect you my dear. I’ve learned my lesson. From today i’ll be more open minded even when some of ur theories sound a lil taekookerish lol.

How I'm I supposed to take this ask?

I have said this a milli times; i go by history. My theories and conclusions depend on history. Has JK done this before? Have Jikook behaved like this before? The number one reason why Jikook stand out to alot of people is CONSISTENCY. This is why people like me who are convinced they're together believe this to be the truth. Because they are sooooo fucking consistent. Yeah after year after year they act the same, they are the same. Their behaviour towards eo has remained the same.

So no, I'm not all knowing or a Jikook professional but I am quite good at remembering useless things that will not help me IRL in any way shape or form. I will have dated my fiance for 4 years in October and I still mistake his year of birth. Thats right, I keep forgetting my fiancé's year of birth. But I know that when Jimin had his foot on JK's crotch, that took place in Bon Voyage season 1 episode 6, but we only see it in episode 8 the finale at 38 minutes in.

That's my mind ladies and gentlemen. 🤦🏽‍♀️

JK has been debunking tkkrs for years. Its not new. He genuinely does not like them. We know this because he goes above and beyond to correct anything that may be construed as him and V being a couple. But u will never catch him doing this for Jimin/ to Jikookers. And yes, this is fact.

We don't get debunked, we get fed.

I've consumed enough BTS content to see it happen so me drawing to this conclusion stems from HISTORY. (And talking with a bunch of great friends who love to analyse) All year we had seen JK be defiant and go against the company and be unapologetic about it. While we had Jimin telling him to stop drinking on live, making fun of JK for singing unholy (a sexual song) on live. So it only made sense to conclude Jimin was the hesitant one. Not JK. Jungkook aint scared to blow shit up but his boyfriend sure is.

If you work with the belief that Jimin and JK are a couple, all that's left is to observe. And u will come to the same conclusions that i (and my pals) do.

When Jikookers make delulu theories I believe we are allowed to. Because Jikook is real and because of this, we are most likely correct. Jikook have done some crazy shit over the years, u can't blame us for coming up with some crazy theories.

Thanks anon, I guess? 😳😳

[hotchs-big-hands]

Today turned out to be Pretty Bad™ stuck down very awful bad memory lane and I just wanna clarify to ppl why I may not always answer dms/asks etc. I've only really told one person on here the big details about this, and I won't go into all the details here either but it'll be enough to explain why. I hope anyway. Idk why I'm doing this.

I'll give a quick tl;dr here because it is long and also goes into very triggering topics such as self harm/suicide.

Basically I used to have a very close best friend, who I'll call shithead, back in early 2018 until late 2022 who extremely manipulative, emotionally abusive and just very overall toxic. If you've ever seen me refer to a "shithead" in tags or whatever then its about the person imma talk abt here. I was essentially the person they turned to to talk them out of doing things to themselves, if you get me. As well as a lot of other stuff. Ended up getting therapy (but not for the right reasons tbh) and also got a bad coping mechanism where I tend to not talk to people, I keep my distance and its smth I wanna tackle but it's difficult. So if you haven't heard back from me it's not cuz I don't like you, I am fighting with my brain. Also I kinda question if I actually am a good person or not because of stuff that I did in retaliation to this person.

I'll get into details now under the cut but yeah don't read if self harm/suicide/toxic dynamics are something you don't want to hear about for whatever reason.

As above, in early 2018 I used to have a different fanfic blog for a different fandom. I won't go into detail about which fandom and what the blog was but it was fairly popular. This is how I came to be friends with them. And like at the beginning it was fucking great! We became fast friends and we had a lot of shared interests. They introduced me to a lot of games, TV shows etc. But that's also where the problems started.

They were one of those types of fans. The "very possessive over certain characters" type of fan. If they liked them and had a crush on them then you couldn't do the same cuz character belonged to them. Which at the time I didn't rly like but I used to be friends with someone in high school who was also like that about characters so I assumed it was just a thing ppl did. However, it escalated to if I had a character I liked then they'd for some reason not like them and in fact hated them. This was kinda draining cuz they never wanted to talk abt stuff I liked, without actually directly saying so. They'd just shit talk them the whole time or say they hate them. So I stopped talking about what I liked. Later, they'd suddenly really like said media or characters and only then was it fine to talk about them. But in turn they'd be possessive and if I said oh okay I'll step back from them they would make me feel like I was being stupid because "no they didn't say I couldn't like them".

Anyway thats not rly the worst of it of course, the actual bad stuff is now so again, final warning for self harm/suicide. Will square off the triggering sections.

*********************

They struggled with their mental health a lot. Like a lot. I'd be there for them to listen, offer help and support because I like to take care of ppl and make sure they'll be okay. Except it escalated to them using me to talk them out of harming themself and killing themself. And this was almost everyday/night. And need I just say they were an hour ahead of me as well btw. I went to university in 2019 originally and by December I was completely burnt out because I spent every day and night making sure they didn't fucking do anything to themself. I got at most 2-3 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky and I stopped doing my hobbies and uni work because I just had no drive to do them anymore. It was clear I was also suffering mentally. I was suicidal and thinking of harming myself as well (and unfortunately I did do so a couple times). But I prioritised them. Everything was triggering for them, and I mean that. I had a long list pinned to my wall of everything I was to avoid mentioning because it would trigger them.

They never took care about my own mental health btw, which I'm not saying they HAD to but I know it was because they just didn't care. And they said as much too. They said because they are autistic they have no empathy and therefore do not feel anything about my mental health. So I suffered basically alone.

*********************

I dropped out of uni in early 2020 and in fact went home the weekend lockdown began in the UK. Things were not good. I was still trying to be support for shithead, I went to therapy and started medication for the wrong reasons. I wanted to get better so I could take care of them. Which like. Never do that. Never go to therapy so you can be someone else's therapist. Go to therapy because YOU want to be better for YOURSELF.

We were in in a bigger friendship group spread across a few discord servers and they all broke down one way or another. One instance there was an argument between shithead and a bunch of others who were comparing who had it worse during ww2. The others were Americans but were also of Jewish heritage with family who were affected by the holocaust and shithead lives in a country near where the holocaust happened with relatives who went through a famine. Either way it was just not gonna be a good conversation. Shithead left, I stayed and like I already don't rly talk to people much in groups because its overwhelming but I did do a little bit. Someone who was friends with shithead and still in the server told shithead I was talking to the others and in turn I basically betrayed shithead. Hindsight I wish I had just left the server ages before and like maybe j shouldn't have talked to the others idk. I regret it either way and think abt it a lot.

Another few shitty things I did in response to how shithead would treat me is giving them the silent treatment, giving short answers etc. I wanted them to feel bad, but it would round back to me being told I'm a coward and horrible to them. Which maybe I was but frankly I was scared of them.

*********************

Things began to rly break down when they showed me their fresh self harm wounds, blood and all, because they were "bored". I didn't talk to them for a few days and their apology wasn't much of an apology, more just making excuses again (aka I have autism so it's not my fault). I started talking less and less because by this point my brain had had enough ig and began to close off from them and just ppl in general.

*********************

In 2022 I finally returned to university and thats also when I finally stopped talking to them. A few months ago I finally blocked them on everything. However, I still struggle with communication and don't rly do it much. It's difficult to maintain friendships and I don't trust easily. I plan on going back to therapy whenever i can because this is just unresolved. But yeah idk I'm sorry to everyone who I haven't responded to, or take a long time to respond to.

One thing that is good tho is that like, after shithead I didn't enjoy anything. I didn't rly watch or hyperfixate on anything. But last year around this time I came across an Aaron Hotchner x plus size reader fic and I've been obsessed with him since!! And now here we are, got a blog and everything for a fandom finally after so long :) so it's not all bad.

But yeah that's why I struggle keeping up with messages and asks. Idk if anyone is gonna read this but if you've read this far then thank you and you mean a lot. Big hugs to yawl and I hope yawl have a lovely day, and if not then please take it easy 💖💖💖💖

[starkidlabs]

Question for the Court part 2

Genuinely I really need to know if this is normal behaviour because I’ve never experienced someone like this and it kind of makes me uncomfortable. Here are his behaviours:

He texts me on average 30 times a day. He always initiates the conversation (I never do).

He sends me morning and good night messages (this is something that even my ex and I didn’t even do). His messages often say things like ‘Good night. Have beautiful dreams of yours greatest desires.’

He’s been telling my sister (who he’s friends with) how excited he is to play a certain board game with me. Even though I have never said I will play a game with him. Then he told me last night how he had found 2-3 people so we can play a different game together. I haven’t said I wanted to play this game with him. I do not know these other people at all. So why is he asking people that are strangers to me to play a game with ‘us’ when I haven’t even asked him to?

He is overly complimentary to the point of it being just weird. So for example I wrote a review of a play. He responded with 3 whole paragraphs essentially reviewing my review but only with positive feedback. Like “I smiled to myself when imagining you watch the play” etc. like obviously I don’t mind someone saying ‘oh wow that’s a good review’. But three paragraphs reviewing my review is very ????

He had come up with a nickname for me that I do not like but he won’t stop calling me it even though I have never positively responded to.

He’ll often send me paragraphs expanding on something he’s clearly interested in. Then I’ll say ‘ah that’s cool but that’s not really my thing’ and his response will always be ‘yeah I hate that thing too’.

Now this is the thing that kinda weirds me out the most. So I have very particular interests. As soon as I mention I like a thing quite a bit he suddenly becomes obsessed with them too. So 3 examples.

I love musicals. I talked to him about musicals at one point. He went from only having watched Les Mis to asking me to send him a musical to listen to every single day. Then he spent an entire weekend watching musicals, sending me images of the musicals he was watching to kind of prove that he was watching them.

I told him I like the Frogwares Sherlock Holmes games. He suddenly went out and bought them all, and play the Awakened in one sitting. Then he went out and spent near to £100 on Sherlock Holmes games and novels, even though he clearly has never had any interest in Sherlock Holmes past bbc Sherlock. (I mean if he did wouldn’t these be purchases he made before?).

I talked to him about starkid two days ago because he asked me what it was. He has now donated £50 to their new kickstarter even though he has yet to watch a single show. He sent me the receipt to prove it.

Now the thing is I know he does often display some of these behaviours towards other people. My sister said how one time her and two other people were discussing rollerskating then this guy went out to buy rollerskates even though none of them had actually planned to go rollerskating yet (and they never ended up planning a trip). And while I think thats sort of similar behaviour to my last point I think the difference is that this was a thing he did because he clearly wanted to go out with this group of people. Where as with the last point with me there is no end goal of going out - like clearly buying a tone of Sherlock Holmes novels doesn’t lead to a Sherlock Holmes outing in the same sense. Instead I think it’s sort of clear he is intensely getting into the things I like to impress me, but in a way that no person would unless they have become obsessed with said person.

And I also know that he actually sort of became obsessed with this other person I knew to the point where he would hang around at her desk everyday, until someone else had to speak to him about leaving her alone. When I mentioned that I think he’s doing the same to me, my sister implied that the circumstances were entirely different ( I think they might have gone out on a date or two and decided to just be friends - but the guy was still obsessed with her). But still I think it might be a similar situation.

It’s just I feel like I’m going crazy because everyone I tell who knows this guy keeps underplaying like ‘ah that’s just what he does’ but I definitely think this is more intense than what he normally does.

[burritosandpeppermint]

I feel like every little thing with my job sets me off now, so I'm sorry if you're tired of me ranting about it and then continuing to work here. I'll keep this "below the fold" so you can move on if you're not interested. I really won't be offended and I have no true way of knowing which of the dozen or so of you will read this anyway. Also, it's me so I'm not looking for sympathy but I'm also trying to learn not to push away other people's affection so...do what you want?

Also, if you feel like this is something that could be part of some larger conversation about work and capitalism or whatever, then please feel free to reblog it. I don't really think this will be enough to explode my career, and if it does, then it was on shaky enough ground anyway.

The company I work for got acquired by another, much larger and more famous company (and a rather infamous one here on Tumblr) about five years ago. Eh, why am I being cagey? I work in email compliance and privacy for Marketo and we got acquired by Adobe.

Anyway, I'd been through a couple of acquisitions before but this one was pretty cool. A big name Silicon Valley company! A cool campus to tour in San Jose! A new office space in the same city I lived in, and with only a 45 minute walk from home to office! Really, pretty cool.

Over time the excitement on my part and Adobe's part seemed to wane a bit. There were new acquisitions and we were no longer in the spotlight. That's alright, things happen, time moves on, and ultimately I just kept working, because abuse never stops and companies keep buying lists.

But after my mentor left for another company we got a new manager, and he's great, but he's been with Adobe for a while, and most of his focus is on the Adobe part of the business that he manages, and he cares about us and fights for us when he can, but we're definitely not his primary focus. Also, in the past couple of years the workload that myself and my one coworker/colleague do has steadily increased. To make things worse this year they finally implemented a huge change in what CRM we're using and it's causing all kinds of havoc because most of us who are directly working with customers now have to manage two portals or figure out which customer matches with which or educate yet another person on where to go to accomplish what they need. We also started getting direct feedback loop (FBL) reports from a new company that seems to only send them in a new-ish format that has been accepted across the industry but is honestly not really used by it, but our system can't parse it so we have to process every single one manually rather than feed it to a bot that can automatically process it, further increasing our workload. We've also been told that there's a team who can help us to automate certain aspects of our work, so we submitted examples of what we need help with and they said it seemed doable and since then...nothing. To top it off, during a recent "town hall" quarterly all-hands I asked a question in the chat that was basically "In light of the strong performance we've done can we hire more people to support our customers and colleagues?" and the answer is "No, because we don't want to have to lay people off if there's any kind of downturn."

Okay, so...not great.

So now, today, the day before Thanksgiving, the week after Open Enrollment closed, the day after I accepted the Year End Check In on my calendar - which will be grueling because, as noted above, we've been over worked and under staffed so I haven't been able to get to any of the projects that I was hoping to get to this year - I saw an email from Adobe that looked like it was part of the corporate spam we get every freaking day, and it was from the HR company/portal we use, so I clicked on it and

OOPS

Looks like you clicked on an Adobe Phishing Test Link

Read here to see how you could have prevented this...

And I'm incensed right before a holiday, and I just hate it.

Because as much as I hate to admit it I really bought into the corporate capitalism of America from a young age, bought into the shiny toys and apps and promises of "helping" people ("And if we happen to turn a profit, that's great, too!") to the point that my dissolution with capitalism has been a long, slow, denial-ridden journey.

And that's because it can be all too easy to regard those earning the joke that is minimum wage as being the only victims of capitalism and wage theft, but if we're being honest just about anyone who isn't making millions of dollars a year to tell the world and their subordinates how great their company is is really just sitting in a pot of water that is slowly getting hotter.

We're all being paid the least amount of money that companies believe they can get away with while trying to extract the most work out of us they can legally get away with, and they're probably getting even more than that if we're being honest.

So to get regular emails about how this organization put us on a list of the best places to work for or another invitation to another seminar about how I can work on being more efficient or less sad because, you know, that's apparently 100% my doing, and then get an email that I don't bother to really scan because, like I said, given everything it seems pretty legitimate, to be told "Well, you fucked up" was just the one more thing that I didn't need this year.

I really hate to sound like the middle-aged white man that I am, but I'm just tired of not being respected for the working professional that I am. I've been in this role for eight years. I know how to talk to customers about the actions they've taken that have caused harm to their reputation, or what abuse has been foisted upon them by malicious actors; I know how to engage with Support and customer managers and run Compliance Team meetings that focus on what's important; I know what blocklists are important and actually affect our customers; I know, engage with, and am friends with people who run the email servers at companies you know and might actually use; I'm one of two people who manage thousands of IPs and domains for thousands of customers, trying to protect the network's reputation and safety from the customer's own actions and also outside actions of people who would do nothing but abuse our systems all day if they could.

And what am I told by my company?

"We can't help you because it would make us sad if we had to let people go! :("

"Have you considered not having the feelings you're experiencing during work time and just working more instead?"

"Uh, oh! We send you so much spam that you fell for our trick! This is all your fault."

What does the company value? Is it me and my time?

No surprise, AI is the buzzword of 2023 in the tech world, and email is seen as more of a forgotten backbone that I think people believe is 100% automated. Meanwhile the valiant few of us are knee deep in water in the bottom of the boat with duct tape and Gatorade.

When I've complained about work or my career in the past it's felt more like angry grunts; this is kind of the most articulate that I can really be about it.

I'll be 46 next year when I take my sabbatical. If something doesn't really change at all I might have to make some tough choices.

I'm afraid of trying to change careers or companies (if I even can; people much more experienced than I am are being laid off right now).

I'm afraid of trying to go back to school while I'm working because I just don't think I'll have the bandwidth for it, and I don't know what I'd go to school for, or if it would pay what I'm earning now.

I'm afraid of staying where I am.

I know I earn okay. I know I have benefits and that I can work from home in my pajamas.

But I also know that the good times I have with work are less and less these days, and opening my laptop is more of an invitation to an assault on my confidence and self-worth than ever before. And that's just not sustainable.

[mecachrome]

3 things you like about landoscar :3

anon this is a great question because i was also asking myself what i liked about them last night during a state of personal reflection ❤️ i don't even know how to boil this down into 3 points but let's see!!!

i think my favorite thing about 814 is that at their core they are a textbook Introvert4Introvert ship, which is fun to Me because i like guys who don't like things (simplification). the distinction is obviously just that their tolerance for socialization manifests differently, aka lando is a unique character because he's deeply reticent in ways you wouldn't expect him to be from the image he's worked hard to build up (well he's clear about not being extroverted but the façade is easily maintained at surface level) so he has quite candidly been like "i don't want anyone to know anything about me!!!" but at the same time is also very... maybe uncontrollably empathetic and has had to consciously learn to stop caring about what strangers think of him because he feels a lot of personal obligation to make people around him happy, including his fans, and out of any driver on the grid probably has his finger best on the pulse of fandom subculture. meanwhile oscar is also an introvert and is definitely like a fundamentally nice guy but he doesn't necessarily have this natural Empathy for fans (wearing friendship bracelets and indulging in their occasionally insane behavior), doesn't have deeply devoted codependent relationships with his childhood friends, etc., so i like that they have very similar base personalities and dry sarcastic senses of humor but that they even each other out in their own way... like sure lando is more outspoken and oscar hates doing media but i would almost argue that lando feels a certain level of innate discomfort making his voice known OnlineTM because he's like no matter what i say someone will be mad so what's the point! which is why he's streamlined so many of these processes and has people running all of his accounts vs. oscar who is more willing to just share "himself" online because he doesn't experience this superfluous pressure, BUT ALSO:

despite oscar being more naturally an "independent" character i love oscar gravitating toward lando in public spaces because "lando's the one i know best" and the dynamic of lando being his very first teammate, and then lando going from the big personalities of carlos and daniel to a very low-maintenance but also younger, inexperienced teammate and trying to figure out how to accommodate him. the little moments of oscar wanting lando near him (silverstone "i've been abandoned by my teammate at his home race!!!") even if he doesn't necessarily Need Him are so dear 2 me 🥲🫠

last but not least but on some superficial level they're just fun to watch and i think they are a very complementary looking duo!!! i know people like to joke that they're virtually indinstinguishable twinks but imo they have very distinctive features that work well together, idk if this sounds weird to say but i like how lando has a much more... angular build compared to oscar and then obviously oscar is constantly flushed and pleasantly smiling around him which is enjoyable <3 Also the 2cm height difference banter and reciprocally fond looks and oscar's zendaya laughter are of course well-documented and just in general i enjoy that they are very expressive people who cannot control their reactions well at all LOL. i know oscar is considered more serious and measured of the two but when it matters (read: when he is anywhere near lando) he is an open book...