#and sometimes typing up a complain-y rant is good for the soul

[panharmonium]

What do you think about this: "Kakashi was never interested in Sasuke as an individual, he only projected himself into him and saw a smaller version of himself on Sasuke, Sasuke was never Sasuke to him, just a little Kakashi". I wanted to know your opinion because I miss your meta posts and I feel like lately people are hating Kakashi for things that aren't real :/, also you are really good at explaining and I feel that both characters need love

Hello! Thanks for the question!

The answer to "what do i think about this" is, honestly, that I don't think about it X) I watched the whole show without engaging with the fandom at all (for fear of spoilers, initially), so I was able to experience it without being exposed to anyone else's thoughts, and now that I'm done I generally still avoid poking around, because devoting mental energy to opinions that I find bizarre/not supported by the text doesn't enhance my fandom experience.

Kakashi and Sasuke's relationship is one of the most compelling things about the series to me. I was very surprised when I finished the show/manga and first exposed myself to the fandom only to find so few people invested in them, but at this point I've (mostly) stopped asking myself "what show was everyone else watching" and just settled into enjoying the show that I watched, because that's more fun for me. I can't convince people not to dislike Kakashi if that's what they want to do. I do find it a little weird, because I don't think that's what the story is asking from us, but as long as people mind their business and aren't bugging me on my own blog, they're free to do what they want.

I know it can be frustrating when there are people hating various characters for "things that aren't real," but the fact that these criticisms aren't "real" is precisely why I generally avoid engaging with them. For Kakashi, specifically, there are certain things people can say that will immediately make me stop taking them seriously - "projecting" is one. "Bootlicking" is another, but again, these terms are so wildly inaccurate that I'm not interested in talking about them. The manga and the show are easily accessible; if people want to rewatch/re-read them, they can.

In general, I just prefer to avoid engaging with most of the fandom negativity I see. I think overall most of the rancor I've stumbled across boils down to people engaging with the story in very ungenerous ways, if that makes sense, and that's not how I prefer to read/watch things. Like - back when I was still in the middle of watching the show, I remember someone sent me a message saying that they loved seeing me talk about the story with earnestness/joy, and it was such a lovely message to receive, but it also made me pause and wonder for a second if this was really an uncommon enough thing to be remarked upon. Wouldn't that be the default? Aren't we all here because we love the story and the characters so much? But the truth is that sometimes it does feel like large chunks of fandom spaces (not just Naruto, I mean; I've certainly experienced this elsewhere) are very focused on being negative about "things that aren't real," as you said. Like - people calling Sakura "abusive" for bopping Naruto on the head when he says something rude, when this is not something the text is even remotely trying to say about her. People writing off Jiraiya's entire storyline because of the non-consensual spying on women - which, yes, of course, is disgusting and wrong. Obviously. I am very aware of that. However, I can simultaneously recognize that the story isn't really interested in that or intending me to read it like that; the voyeurism is written as a joke (yes, I understand how gross that is) and there are a hundred potential personal and/or patriarchal and/or genre-related and/or cultural factors that may have gone into Kishimoto writing this particular fail. If I want to understand and appreciate what the story was ACTUALLY trying to communicate with Jiraiya (that he's an idealist who gave up on the world when everything went wrong, who turned to shallow pleasures of the flesh to distract him from the pain of his disillusionment, and who was finally restored to his former faith after meeting Naruto), then I have to mindfully set the voyeurism aside and go, "This writer wrote a gross thing, and I recognize that, but I'm also not going to fixate on it, because I can simultaneously appreciate/find meaning in what he was really trying to say."

I think some of the Kakashi complaints out there very much fall under this umbrella. If I have to see one more person frothing at the mouth about Kakashi briefly tying Sasuke (a qualified ninja who has already demonstrated his ability to escape rope restraints and whom Kakashi has been individually mentoring, sparring against, and connecting with for a month) to a tree for approximately sixty seconds - honestly. I don't know how to tell people they're missing the point, so I don't bother.

Ultimately, the fact of the matter is that people are entitled to dislike any character that they want, even for contrived reasons. As long as they're doing their own thing in their own space and letting me do my thing in mine, we're good.

[k-comfyspace]

Satisfied

Idol: Ahn Yujin (Izone)

Request: Yes

Anon: may i request late night convenience store date with yujin ❤❤ thank u 😊

A/n: Might be a risky first request but I will do my best to avoid anything bad. But it’s too cute especially since I had this type of request in the back of my head.

You didn’t quite understand why students kept murmuring about you as you walked down the hall.

The students kept saying things that went along the lines of:

“Why are they staying with her anyway?”

“She’s going to forget them soon enough”

“Being famous, it gets inside your head sometimes”

“Bless their soul if she decides to forget about them”

You knew they were talking about Yujin but you never listened to them, they couldn’t understand anyway. To them, Yujin was some superstar they couldn’t interact with, it was either they were too shy, or she was too cool for them.

But for you, there was only a cute, dorky, and silly girl you met in 8th grade. For Yujin, you were the smart, clumsy, and the most supportive bestfriend she had, except for her members.

When you entered your class you spotted your bestfriend resting her head on the desk pulling a giggle out of you before you sat beside her and turned your body to face Yujin.

You tapped her shoulder, earning a groan from your best friend. Yujin raised her head and squinted her eyes at you, “I’m tired, leave me alone” you giggled at her tired voice but you kept speaking.

“I told you to get some sleep yesterday, right?”

You asked and earned another groan from the exhausted girl.

Yesterday your school had some sports activity which drained everyone in your class but Yujin was drained the most since she participated in a lot of the activities and added they had practice until midnight which made waking up at 7 am difficult.

“What happened to, ‘yes Y/n I would sleep right after practice so I wouldn’t be sleepy tomorrow morning’?” You pushed, a smile on your face but when your bestfriend shot up and turned to glare, you were afraid you pushed too far.

“It’s not my fault that we stayed up until midnight to practice and the tons of homework that piled up that doesn’t even make sense!” She yelled, catching your classmates attention as the room grew quiet.

You blinked, pursed your lips and softened your eyes to look at Yujin. It’s been the 5th time she blew up on you this week alone, you didn’t say anything, choosing to understand her moodiness but your feelings have been hurting for the past week.

You did offer her some help with her homework and projects but she always refused, insisting that she would do it herself.

When Yujin saw the look in your eyes she calmed down and her eyes softened before she looked around, her classmates looking at her, silently whispering. Yujin felt her eyes stinging as she swiftly covered her face and left the room.

You called after her, stopping at the door and glared at your classmates. “What’s wrong with you people?” You yelled before you followed after Yujin a couple steps behind her, hearing the faint muffled sobs as you ran.

Then Yujin turned sharply inside an empty classroom and slammed the door shut. You stopped, attempting to open the door but it was locked, “Yujin, could you open the door, please?” You called softly but you only got sniffles in reply.

You waited by the side to see if she would open the door before you sighed, moving to the side of the door and gave Yujin a moment.

After a few minutes you heard the lock turning, you stood placing your hand on the knob as you slowly opened the door, still heard some light sniffling from Yujin,

When you quietly closed and locked the door a sudden warm feeling spread against your chest as you felt Yujin’s arms wrap around your waist, feeling her head resting against your back as you reciprocated it. Placing your hand on top of hers and rubbing your thumb on the back of her hand.

Special, that’s what Yujin also thought about you, you were the person she could cry to. When she didn’t want to cry in front of her members she would allow herself to break down in front of you.

Yujin was comfortable with you, she could tell you her secrets, show her vulnerable side and you wouldn’t tell a soul. You respected her privacy and she adored that about you.

When she remembered how much she blew up this week she felt bad and hugged you tighter. You were so patient with her, even when she yelled, complained, ranted.

You listened and took everything she threw every time. She didn’t deserve you yet you came into her life like a blessing.

Both of you stayed inside the room for a few minutes before she pulled away and smiled at you, apologizing multiple times, “It’s fine, Daeng Daeng, I know how hard it is for you,” you rubbed her head before walking out of the room, an idea forming in your head when you entered your classroom.

“I’ll see you tonight?” Yujin asked and you giggled at her hopeful voice, “Yeah, we still have to do our project, remember?” You teased and she pouted at you cutely, “But we said no school work!” She whined, making you laugh while ruffling her hair.

You and Yujin have been planning for a sleepover for ages, but since she was part of a group she had to get permission from her unnies, which was proven to be a challenge since they didn’t know you.

It took a while but after a few months they finally gave in and saw what kind of person you were, allowing you to sleepover at their dorm.

“I’m just joking, I’ll call you when I’m leaving, yeah?” Yujin smiled, nodding her head excitedly as she ran to her van waving at you before the door closed and drove off.

When they turned the corner you pulled out your phone and scrolled until you found a specific number, “Hello? Eunbi unnie, could I ask you for a favor?”

Yujin huffed and laid down on the floor of the dance room, her breath puffing at her exhaustion. They did 3 runs of their choreo back to back just so they could have a perfect performance for their fans, which made her exhaustion add up to what Yujin was feeling that morning.

“It’s getting late, we should end it here, the maknaes need rest,” she heard their leader announce which made your friend shoot up with a bright spark in her eyes which made them giggle. “Not to mention Y/n would come over tonight, pack up everybody!”

With new found energy Yujin ran to her things and packed as fast as she could not noticing the happy smiles the members wore looking at her, only Yujin not knowing the plans in store for her tonight.

When Yujin and the others arrived at the dorm Yujin darted to her room and went straight to the bathroom to wash up, waiting for you to arrive.

A few minutes later you called on the phone, telling her that you were in the elevator heading up to their room, when the doorbell rang your friend excitedly opened it, smiling at you.

“Hey,” you greeted, going inside and waving to the other members as they greeted you.

“You can leave your bag here, Y/n just get it when you get back,” Eunbi said, earning a confused look as Yujin furrowed her eyebrows at the older woman’s comment. She looked at you as you thanked the older woman who wished both of you a goodnight.

“We’re going out?” She asked, earning a nod before Yujin glanced at the clock, confused, “But everything is already closed” she said and you shook your head,

“I know a place” is the only thing you said, making your way to the door mask and cap in hand.

“Tada~” you smiled, spreading your arms in front of the store, looking at your best friend who was staring at you weirdly.

“A convenience store, really?” She asked, a laugh bubbling from you before you pulled Yujin inside.

You went to the aisle, grabbing two cups of instant noodles and ice cream. Sitting it down on a table as you sat on the opposite side of Yujin before preparing your food.

“If you wanted to have instant noodles we have a lot back at the dorm,” she said as you ate some, shaking your head, “But you don’t have ice cream back at the dorm” you replied cheeks filled with noodles making your friend laugh.

Eventually, Yujin, gave up questioning your choices and ate happily, you two talking through the night, telling funny stories that you randomly thought about.

“Let’s take a picture,” You said, taking out your phone before snapping a few pictures, “I’ll title it, late night convenience date with Daengz,” you muttered making Yujin smile as you showed it to her before everything clicked.

You brought her out of the dorm to eat ramen in a convenience store, telling funny stories, knowing that she had a bad day.

Suddenly Yujin smiled brightly, her eyes turning into crescents as she stood up and went to hug you on your side, startling you at her sudden skinship.

“Thank you, for everything,” Yujin whispered, making you relax, a small smile coming to your face when she pulled away, dragging her cup to your side and ate while resting her head on your shoulder.

“It’s what I do,”

You spent the rest of your night talking about nothing and everything, doing your best to make your bestfriend smile with your stupid jokes.

You ignored the swelling of your heart in your chest when Yujin laughed or smiled at you. Because for now you were satisfied, all you needed was to see her smile and be happy.

By the end of the day you could say that you did a good job being her best friend.

[xsecretblastsx]

1x11 - Roman Holiday

Happy Christmas Everybody! Or rather I’m trying to delude myself into thinking it’s winter because it’s awfully hot in here. Too bad the episode only lasts like 40 minutes. Anyway here’s the recap.

This one didn’t get as long as the last ones, but I’ll use the keep reading break anyway because it’s a bit more neat for everyone.

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

The Constance choir, oh how I miss it.

 I have a coat really simliar to the one’s Jenny’s wearing, mine’s probably cheaper though. 

Global Warming Grinch! what a surprise Dan’s complaining about something yei!

Here comes Vanessa raining on Serena’s parade! Auch. I never really know with her, because she seems nice and sincere and everything, but doesn’t she realize how uncomfortable this is for Serena? She doesn’t acts like Dan’s best friend, she acts like the soul mate or something like that.

I had almost forgotten about Bart Bass, if only. It’s not like Bart knows the actual meaning of the words “I’m in love with you” but I do ser her point on this Lily, ugh. I can’t believe I typed that.

I really like Blair’s outif the perfect mix between school uniform and holiday spirit. Also, I love her, but what with the long face at hearing Chuck is at Monaco? She dump him, so she shouldn’t care.So.. no,  Nothing that she needs to know.

It’s sweet the amount of traditions Blair had with her dad, no wonder she wants him to move back to New York

I’ll never understand this show’s obsession with Dan’s cabbage patch doll.

Blair bear! I had totally forgot about that aww.

That look Blair share’s with her mom, haha “you don’t say what a suprise indeed”

Auch, I was vaguely wondering though in which episode Dan’s mom leaves again, not that I particularly care but I guess is this one

I know shows tape earlier than the season they’re suposed to be, but the park looks so autumm-y for Christmas, is taking me out of the mood. But since I don’t live in New York what do I know.

Blair’s skating outfit thoug, an all time fave.

I had totally forgotten Eleanor had a love interest this episode.

I mean to be fair, that watch is the kind of gift Serena would have made any boyfriend she had because it’s the kind of stuff she’s used to, and I feel for her because she was so excited, I do get where Dan’s coming from, it’s probably the same thing I would said in that situation, but aww Serena.

Again, Vanessa seems nice but, not cool girl.

Blair’s face at Chuck’s text was hilarious, though she shouldn’t be as surprised, Chuck’s pervy on a good day, and she sort of burned him. Not a good combo.

Blair Waldorf in action, sorry Roman.

I’ll never understand why Blair would ask Chuck to  don’t speak to anyone about them, like honey letting him know you want to keep that secret, is giving him levarage. 

Not a fan of having a scene were Serena is like “i came with my tail between my legs, please Vanessa help me to find Dan a gift” and even worse Vanessa is like “I would gloat, but I like you” that’s sorta gloating anyway, ugh. 

Victoria’s Secret themed Christmas party, only on gossip gir.

Rufus and Lily, acting like scaredy cats teenagers.

“Friends doesn’t steal other friends husband” you tell him Eleanor.

This loos “so promising” for  Blair, so Nate said he would go to her mom’s Christmas party, except he didn’t and nowshe’s  tracking him down because he didn’t bother telling her. Same old story.

Blair spelling it out to Vanessa, and for once I think she wasn’ wrong in what she said. Also I love it when Blair is looking out for her friends.

Honestly I would react exactly as Serena and Eric if my mom dropped on me the bomb that she’s dating Bart Bass. That’s scary.

For once I’m liking Eleanor, also she’s dead right, Blair learned scheming from her mother, unrealistic dreaming from her father. Quite the combo. That’s why I lover.

Gotta love Lilly helping Dan to get that tree inside.

I mean considering I’ve seen the whole show, sorry Howard, but your words sound a bit hollow.

Ok, Serena’s gift for Dan was nice.

Dorota’s themed aprons are such a nice little detail. 

Ngl, it mades me sad seeing Bart doing more of an effor with Lilly’s kids and never really bothering with Chuck.

Imagine if Lilly had answered the phone.

That photo of Nate looking like they’re in the Caribbean when they’re supposedly in Monace would never not be hilarious

Normally this is the part where I rant and rant about the episode, but this time I just dont’ have that much to say. I know a lot of people love this episode a lot, but I’m just not one of them, I didn’t fight it particularly memorable on first watch, and now on rewatch even less so, this episode is heavily focused on Derena and the end of the Humphrey marriage, and I don’t really care about either of those things. The only thing I really find interesting about this episode was Harold’s visit,, but on this episode for some reason Blair’s storyline felt like a B plot, that’s probably just me, but l’m finding out that episodes with a lot of Derena feel like such a drag to me now. I almost wish I could care about them again, if only for this season.

So, Blair’s dad. I’ll get it out of the way soon, I’m not a fan. He may have been the loving parent while Blair grew up, but I don’t feel he really knows her, not the way Eleanor does, and I’m not even talking about her dark side, but as Eleanor pointed out, how could he thought she would be glad he had brought over the man he left for when it was supposed to be them enjoying the holiday.

We were told on the Thanksgiving episode that that was suposed to be his first visit after moving to France, and I mentioned there that it sounded like Blair hadn’t seen her father in a long time, which isn’t nice.I feel Harold never really grasped how much he hurt his daughter when he left for France, it was a lot to take for a 16 year old girl who was a total daddy’s girl. First, there’s the separation of her parents, then the fact that her dad is gay, those two were quite a lot, and then he’s like oh I’ll move to France. I’m sure part of the reason Harold stuck in out in his marriage was Blair, and he shouldn’t have to hide who he is and keep married to Eleanor, but I think he could have thought about it and delayed his moving to France. Like Eleanor said this episode Blair might like to act like an adult, but she was at this point still very much a girl in need of her dad.

And this episode he may have said there would always be a place on his life for Blair no mather what, but it was never the same, I mean last episode was Cotillion, and Blair didn’t have any of her parents there, it was probably Dorota the one that was exicted for her, taking pictures and everything. I guess we’re supposed to think she probably talked frequently with her dad over the phone, but I feel in many ways it was mostly a superficial relationship, like I never got the impression Harold went out of his way to see his daughter. But I could be wrong.

The other bit I would like to mention is that not long ago I got an ask about what do I think Blair cared about Chuck not being into town this episode, having watched the episode again now, and I said:  i feel she believed it’s always wise to keep and eye of Chuck and be wary of his intentions, gods knows what he’ll plot just for fun, and now they share history, a secret one at that so she has reason to be cautious, considering the message he sends her at the end of the episode she wasn’t wrong. And while I still think it had a lot to do with that, I do feel having her ask him not to spill the beans, wasn’t the smartest choice, I guess she was banking on him not using it as leverage because they’re are friends and because he had let her know at one point he had felt something, it’s what I call wishfull thinking. 

On a more subconcious level I think she simply wanted to know because well she’s into him. She likes him. She ends their fling out of anger and it’s part that anger that leds her back to Nate, (and it also trills her that after so long Nate wants her, he’s going after her, not Serena). Of course at this point she’s not about to admit even to herself whatever she feels for Chuck, not only because she’s back on track with her so planned life but because well… he’s Chuck Bass, but that doesn’t mean she’s not atracted to him still.

Random bits I would love to mention

The one shot I’m writing (and hopefully finishing one of these days) is actually set between last episode and this one. Not that it wasn’t hard to guess, but I’m glad I got Nate’s location right.

Funny but like a week ago Buzzfeed shared this bit about the watch Serena gave Dan, turns’s out it costs about $25,000. 

“All the grace of Nancy Kerrigan but packing the punch of Tonya Harding” sometimes the Gossip Girl voice is just so on point. 

I’ve always loved Chuck’s voice mail “leave a message and I might listen to it”

The kind of headband Blair’s wearing at that Christmas party were sold anywhere last winter here. Guess they came back.

Lily’s golden dress makes me think of Klimt’s paintings. I like that.

Seriously Gossip Girl’s voice overs this episoder are making me laugh so much “sugar, spicy and everythin nice” not so much.

The Palace hotel decoreted for Christmats time!!  I love it so much. 

[sp00ks-odyssey]

Before You Follow Me-

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☆  Five nights at Freddy's  (first Fandom I've ever been in and the first video game I got into, and it's been awhile since I've seen what's happened) 

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[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “Mommy” Part 3

It was a well known fact The Joker’s girlfriend left him with four young children and disappeared. It was also known that his ex stepped up and took care of them even if she didn’t have to. The King of Gotham might have lost his woman, but he never lost his Queen.

Part 1     Part 2      Part 4        Part 5

After 2 months

The Joker is alone in the VIP room, enjoying his solitude; he ordered everyone to clear the premises and wait outside since his business meeting ended earlier than expected. Out of the blue, the cell alerts of a new message. J slides the screen and a picture with you and Mia laughing pops up: you are both wearing matching headbands with yellow flowers, identical pearl necklaces and PJ’s made from the same fabric.

He barely smiles, when a new picture with you and now all the boys added in the frame pops up, apparently ready for bed. The Joker’s smile gets a little bit wider, then after a few seconds it disappears under the usual frown. He starts texting something back but changes his mind and erases the words, staring at the images one more time before placing the phone inside his pocket.

At the penthouse, you didn’t even wait for a reply since J never comments when you send him pics with the children; you get notifications they were seen and I guess that’s the best you’ll ever get.

“Kase honey, stop jumping on the bed, it’s time to sleep, ok?”

The four years old is still energetic so he keeps on jumping, chanting your name:

“Mo-mmy! Mo-mmy!!! Mo-mmyyy!!!”

“Kasey, be good and listen to me!” you try to make him behave while exiting his room with a clear purpose: taking Mia to her crib. The baby girl fell asleep in your arms, resting her head on your good shoulder. You are really not supposed to hold the kids or lift them up since it will take a while to completely heal from the injury you sustained, yet sometimes you can’t help it.

You carefully place her in the cradle, sneaking up into the room next door to make sure the twins are still dozing off. Thank goodness they are and you close the door to their bedroom, immediately rushing to Kase’s room when you hear the thud followed by crying.

The boy was hopping up and down when he accidentally moved too much towards the edge of the bed and landed on the floor right on his face. The carpet is soft but the impact scared him nevertheless.

“My poor little man,” you pick him up, worried he might have broken something.

Kase whimpers and hugs you, searching for comfort. You kiss the child’s head and caress his back, soothing the pain.

“Are you ok?” you wipe his tears, making him sit on the bed while you analyze him.

“Y-yes…” he stutters, sniffling.

“Then why are you crying honey?” you ask, cupping his face and the answer makes you hold in the laugh.

“Don’t know, mommy…”

“You’re silly,” you kiss his cheek, happy nothing bad happened. “You want me to read you a bedtime story?”

“U-hum, “ he nods, distracted by the offer. You get Kase under the covers and snuggle with him, reading until he falls asleep. And the busy day you had catches up with you, making you snooze in there before you have a chance to go to your own bedroom.

*************

“Y/N…Y/N, wake up!” The Joker shakes you and finally gets a reaction; he’s been calling your name and you didn’t even hear his first attempts.

“What time is it?” you turn towards him and Kase instinctively moves closer, searching for the warmth of your body.

“It’s 2 in the morning. Come on, hurry up, we have to go: it smells like gas downstairs, I think we have a gas leak!”

“Jesus!” you wake up in an instant, pulling Kase in your arms and struggling to get up; your shoulder hurts since you carried Mia around yesterday. “I’ll take him, go to the car!” he wraps his son in the blanket, not fazed by the protesting moans.

“Dadddddyyyyy,” the boy yawns, closing his eyes, upset with the ruckus.

“You’re fine, brat !” J lifts him higher in his arms and follows you. You want to get the other kids, but some of the henchmen are already helping, having them in blankets and heading towards the elevator. The gas detector is beeping in a frenzy  but you were so exhausted you had no clue.

“Yuck, the smell,” you cover your nose, waiting for J to catch up with you. “Are we going to my house until this is taken care of?”

“I suppose so,” he growls and you know why: The Joker hates your house, always complains it’s too small.

Situated on the property you use as the children’s playground – 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a large living room and a spacious kitchen- the one level home is more than enough when needed. Since you live mostly at the penthouse, you never feel the need to upgrade. Usually the boys sleep in one bedroom and you sleep with Mia, this way J has his own room. If he’s not coming to stay when you take the kids there, you move Aiden and Zane to their father’s bedroom. Simple and easy.

Not for The King of Gotham though. “Simple and easy” are not his thing.

***************

“It’s cold in this stupid house!” J complains as soon as he enters the master bedroom where you gathered all the kids in the same bed, waiting for the central heating to warm up the house.

“You know I don’t have the heat on when we’re not here; it’s not safe. Be patient, it will get hot soon,” the reply attempts to explain the obvious situation.

“Gimme 2 kids, I need to warm up. I’ll take them to my bedroom!” he gestures towards the twins.

The two year olds are not excited about their dad’s strategy: they are cranky and whiney because they got woken up in the middle of the night and transported to another location. They hold on to you, burying their faces in the pillows.

“Hugging all the kids, hm?” J snarls, irritated. No other choice but to crawl in the big bed also.

You choose not to comment: how is this your fault?!

The Joker snatches Mia that is sleeping in your arms and places her on top of him, moving Kase to his left, this way he has some bodies around to warm up with.

“That’s better,” he grumbles, covering everyone with an extra blanket. Kase reaches for you, wanting to go back to the spot next to his mother but J won’t have any of it:

“Stop wiggling and sleep!”

“I want my mommy,” his son complains and The Joker gets mad:

“What am I, decoration?! She’s literally a few inches away!”

“Kase, go to sleep honey, ok?” you plead, touched by how much the children love you. “Mommy’s here.”

In about 30 minutes the house reaches a comfortable temperature and J tiptoes out of crowded bed, wanting the privacy of his own room.

You keep on tossing and turning; your shoulder aches and you’ll definitely need some pain killers if you want to be able to rest. You slowly move away from the kids, not wanting to startle them. It’s so sweet to see the four innocent souls peacefully dreaming, curled up under the cozy fleece blankets.

“J, are you still awake?” you knock at his door.

“Yes, come in,” he turns on the lamp, curious on why you’re still up. You open the door and step inside.

“My shoulder hurts and I forgot the painkillers at the penthouse. Can we send…”

“I have your med,” he shows you his coat on the chair. “Upper pocket.”

“Oh, that’s awesome!” you sigh, digging in there and retrieving the much needed remedy. ”Thank you.”

“Here,” he dismisses your gratitude, handing over the bottle of water kept on the nightstand.

You swallow 2 tablets, taking a deep breath when the sharp pain pokes at the surgery site.

“Get in,” The Joker slides on the sheets, making space for you.

You almost choke on the water and he rolls his eyes.

“Are you afraid I’m gonna take advantage of you?”

“No,” you hesitantly debate on his proposition, confused about it.

“Then get in,” he reinforces his will. “Don’t look at me like that!” J glares in your direction, not a big fan of that intrigued expression on your face.

You listen to him though and comply.

“What did the doctor say? Do you need more blood transfusions?” he starts the conversation as soon as you are next to him. You bite on your lip, nodding a no. “Well, if you do let me know, alright?”

“OK…” you agree, perfectly aware on why he’s interested: after all the blood loss you sustained with the stabbing, you needed more to replenish what was depleted. They had you hooked up to the IV ready to go, when J had a fit because the doctor didn’t notify him of the procedure. The Clown Prince of Crime was furious he wasn’t asked to donate blood: he’s a universal donor, a match for all blood types. Of course the medical team had to apologize and be thankful they weren’t killed on the spot.

They also had to listen to his rant about how generously rewarded they were for being allowed to take care of the mother of his children and how they couldn’t even keep him updated on your condition. That was the first time you heard him talk like that and it was hard to hold in the tears: it made you aware he did appreciate the sacrifices his ex-girlfriend made over the years while taking care of his babies. The Joker just never showed it; he’s not that kind of person.

Needless to say you do have his blood running through your veins now. And you could have more if necessary.

You stare at each other in silence: you have a feeling there’s a purpose to his behavior.

“Why did you remove the tattoo?” J unexpectedly blurs out.

Ahhh, there we go: that’s why you were cordially invited to stay; he wants to talk about stuff bothering him. Might as well since you want to take a few things off your chest also.

You answer with a question:

“Why would I want my ex boyfriend’s name on my skin?!”

“I worked on that tattoo for weeks! It was perfect, my best one !” J cuts you off.

It’s always about him, of course.

“We weren’t together anymore, no point in keeping it…”

“I worked on it !!!”

 This is not going well.

“The lack of a tattoo doesn’t…”

“I spent weeks on that ink!” he interrupts again.

But you can’t hold in your own escalating anger:

“Why did you always bring Anya back?! Why did you tolerate her behavior?! Why did you keep on getting her pregnant?! She was horrible! And you didn’t want to have any children with me when we were together ! I would have been a great mother!!”

You lick you lips, running out of breath after the valid outburst. The Joker’s eyes have a sudden threatening sparkle, not expecting you’ll turn the tables on him.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you !” he grumbles, annoyed. “But I have to?!” you fight back, more and more upset. “Why…” and your voice breaks…”Why did you like her so much?…”

“I don’t like anybody!” he mutters through his silver teeth.

“You did like her a lot, it’s obvious…” you sadly smile. “And she neglected the kids, almost killed her own daughter… She never cared about you either…So…why did you like her so much?” you persist, unwilling to quit. At this point there’s no use: you are both fired up.

“Get out of here!” his menacing voice shrieks. “Get out before I might do something I can’t take back !” he pushes you away, struggling to contain his temper. “OUT!”

You don’t budge and J continues to violently shove you towards the end of the bed.  

“Get out I said !” he pants, provoked by your rebellious behavior.  

You don’t even feel the shoulder pain anymore or anything else for the matter.

“Why did you like her so much?” you repeat and he covers your mouth, rolling on top of you. The Joker realizes you’re not attempting to escape his grip; you just gaze at him without squirming.

“Get out of my sight!” J hisses, annoyed at your apathy; you’ve been in charge of his security for years, he knows you can defend yourself.

Why don’t you?

He lifts himself up a bit in order to give you one last nudge that will make you fall off the bed, when your arms tightly wrap around his neck, pulling him back on top of you.

“Why did you like her so much?” you forcefully hold him close when J wants to escape the embrace. “Why did you like her more than me?” you whisper in his ear and start crying, unable to suppress the burning question you wanted to ask for years. “I was loyal, I really loved you and never cheated,” your shaky voice makes him pay attention. “And you still broke up with me. And I didn’t object continuing to work for you when you asked. And I took care of your children when you asked,” you start sobbing and his face is buried in your neck, still mad yet listening. “You told me you trust me and that I never stopped being the Queen…Queen of what?” you lift his head up so you can look at him.“Queen of nothing?” and the tears keep on uncontrollably stream down your cheeks, your heart aching a hundred times more than the stabbing wound.

The Joker doesn’t bother to react or protest when you finally slide from under him, catching your breath while sitting at the edge of the bed. You wipe your eyes and prepare to go back to the kids just as his words barely make it out:

“You’re my children’s Queen and The Queen of this city. And…and my Queen since I can’t find a better one I can trust…”

Instead of making you happy, the sentences deepen your gloomy mood. J gets under the covers, turning his back on you, done with it all. He senses you scooting over closer to him until your steady breath lingers on his neck.

“Why are you still here?” he grouchily mutters and he feels your lips pressing on his shoulder.

“You want me to go?” you sigh. “Or…can I stay?”

“Suit yourself,” he reaches for the lamp and turns it off, not opposing to your left hand finding its way around his waist.

You’re almost napping when The Joker reopens the discussion:

“If by some miracle one of these days you manage to keep a man and get married, you still have to take care of the children; that’s an order !” he spits out with a hateful tone.

“ I really love your children; I couldn’t abandon them,” you cling to him more, somehow comforted when your hand is being moved from around his waist and kissed after a few seconds.

***************

The next day he avoids you.

You spend a lot of time outside on the porch, watching the kids play in the snow: even if is mid-February, there is plenty left for them to enjoy.

“Mommy… for you,” Zane gives you a snow ball, excited it made you smile. Mia is chewing one of her toys, cozy on the thick blanket she’s placed on at your feet.

“Thank you baby,” you kiss his nose, making sure to button up his jacket one more time. He likes to unbutton it; surely takes after his father, can’t keep stuff buttoned up. The thought gives you a sudden boost of positivity while watching him run back to his brothers. Aiden trips him and they both fall to the ground laughing, Kase trying to squeeze in between them because he wants to join in the fun.

“Don’t hurt yourselves !” you shout, the maternal instinct surfacing for the millionth time today and you help Mia up, the cute Princess standing without too much help; pretty soon she’ll be able to walk on her own.

You peak behind you through the huge glass windows, seeing The Joker talking to Frost. The King of Gotham is fast to throw something in the trash can, visibly irritated.

“Mommy, look !” Aiden yells, showing you the wall of snow he’s starting to build with his siblings.

“Good job honey!” you praise, waving at the boys and J steps outside, crabby disposition noticeable from a mile away. “Hey, did Frost tell you how long it will be until we can return to the penthouse?” you’re curious to find out since you hardly spoke to him since this morning.

“At least one week,” he growls, displeased at the news. “The pipes need to be replaced at the lower level. Only one duct was leaking, but they want to change all of them for safety.”

“That makes sense,” you grunt and lift Mia up, The Joker scolding:

“You’re not supposed to do that !”

“I know, I know,” you agree and he gestures for her. After finding herself in his arms, the little girl starts munching on his coat’s collar, babbling words that almost resemble “mama” and “dada”.

“Greeeat, another one to chew my ears off,” he frowns and it doesn’t go well with you.

“Why do you have to take the joy out of everything? Aren’t you happy Mia will walk and talk soon?” you sulk, not understanding why he can’t appreciate the little things.

Sarcasm follows:

“Sure, why wouldn’t I be? It’s something a kid never did before, right? Pfft,” he scoffs, ”you’re the one that got emotional when each kid learned to walk and speak; I don’t get the hype.”

“Of course you don’t,” you grumble, concluding the children must be hungry after playing for so long. “Darlings, come inside; it’s time to eat!”

************

You stop drinking your tea and elbow J, making him pay attention to the touching scene taking place at the kids’ table: the boys are eating and feeding their little sister also. Kase is actually standing, holding her hand and she nibbles on the chicken nugget offered by Aiden. As soon as Mia starts chewing, the boys eat some more too, waiting for her to finish what she has in her mouth.

Your eyes get teary; even if they did it before, you find it irresistibly adorable.

“That’s very cute,” you gulp, getting ready to help. The boys can mostly feed themselves, yet their mom’s intervention is more than welcomed.

J smirks, quietly adding more salad to his dish.

You head over to the counter, wanting to dump leftovers from your plate in the garbage can before helping the kids. The small box resting on top of the trash is discretely taking out by a curious Y/N. Is this what he threw in there earlier?!

You open it and hold your breath: it’s a gold bracelet; a simple circle beaded with a few diamonds, engraved with plain, meaningful words:

To: Mommy

From: Kase, Aiden, Zane and Mia

J hears you sniffling behind him and turns his head to see what’s going on. You hold the bracelet in the palm of your hand, speechless.

“Why is this in the garbage?!” you bite your cheek. “Help me put in on please.”

He doesn’t seem willing to fulfill your demand.

“I had no clue you dig in the trash now! Is it a part time job?” he mocks, cranky you found the customized gift he ordered eight days ago and decided to dispose of.

“Help me put it on,” you disregard his bitterness and J nags:

“It’s a gold hoop, easy to use, no clasp or nothing.”

“I want you to help me… please…”

That’s the point: you want him to do it.

“You’re annoying !” he yanks at you wrist, gliding the bracelet against the soft skin.

“Daaadddy, I’m thirsty,” Zane whines, coming over with his empty cup.

“Oh goody, someone finally needs me!” The Joker’s sassiness escalates for no reason.

***************

You creep inside his bedroom without knocking and lean your back against the closed door, waiting.

“Can I sleep here?” you utter, not looking his way.

“It’s your house, isn’t it?” the indirect invitation follows and you crawl in the bed by him, keeping a safe distance. “We can fit the twins between us; why aren’t you coming closer? Or are you scared you won’t be able to behave?”

You actually giggle, surprised you feel nervous.

“I think I’m alright, ” and you bring your body near his, cuddling like you used to years ago when you were together.

“Here’s the thing Y/N,” The Joker lifts your chin up. “If you sense any activity bellow my waist, don’t flatter yourself. It’s just a natural reaction due to the closeness. Are you…are you fucking blushing when I’m just messing with you?!” he teases and you feel your cheeks burning.

“I’m not blushing,” you whisper, embarrassed at your stupid vulnerability.

“You totally are,” J grins and you are aware it’s true. You wiggle in his arms, cautiously considering your next words. The smile perishes on his lips when you ask:

“J…Can you make love to me?”

He looks surprised and you feel awkward.  

“That was dumb to say,” you patch your mistake with a fake, clumsy laugh.

“Of course I can,” The Joker’s face comes really close to yours. “The question is if I want to.”

“Well,” you gulp, “do you want to?…”

“Maybe…” he gropes you, thinking. Or is he just pretending?

“Moommyyyyyy,” is heard from the next bedroom, Aiden starting to cry because he probably had a nightmare.

“Such a missed opportunity,” J chuckles and you get out of bed in a hurry, but he grabs your hand, squeezing it before releasing the hold: “Come back afterwards.”

***************

The children weren’t used to find their mommy sleeping in the same room with their father, but that changed two years ago. They don’t know what it means, but one thing’s for sure: they love coming in the master bedroom at the penthouse and jump on the bed, waking up both parents and horsing around all morning until The Joker hides under the pillows, displeased with the noise.

Mommy never complains though; she always shows her affection and lets them touch her growing belly, telling them their new sister is in there. So fascinating for the kids! And they are getting more and more impatient, especially the little girl: she was told she will be the big sister and it sounds like an important task.

*************

“Baby?” the three years old Mia’s squeaky voice inquires, excited and curious to see such a tiny doll in your arms.

“Yes honey, this is your sister Emma,” you smile, pecking her forehead. You are sitting on the floor with the kids around you and they are seeing their sister for the first time.

“Waahhhh, she’s so cute,” Kase caresses the small head, mesmerized.

“Can I kiss her?” Zane claps his hands, puckering his lips.

“Sure,” you agree and Aiden wants to do the same.

“Me too!” the oldest kisses her also and Mia pushes him away, pouting:

“She’s my sissy!”

“Hey, hey, no fighting! Emma is everybody’s, ok?” you try to alleviate the quarrel, amused it’s already starting. It took like…40 seconds for the rivalry to surface.

“Look daaa’yy, baby!” Mia snickers, presenting Emma to her father like some kind of treasure. He’s been sitting at his desk, watching their reactions. You smile, softly rocking the new born when it fusses from the commotion.

“I know, I made her,” he sneers, winking and the kids are completely absorbed by the new addition to the family.

“Can I hold her?” Zane extends his arms and you carefully place Emma in his grip, holding both of them so he won’t drop her.

You notice the Joker is the proud possessor of a very arrogant aura and you know why: he’s been bragging all afternoon that he makes very cute babies and no matter how the mom looks like, he compensates for the deficit. Such nonsense!

But the annoying truth is that he does make beautiful babies.

“Mommy, can I hold her too?” Aiden begs, getting you out of daze.

“Sure can,” you nod, wondering when the jealousy will actually kick in.

You are definitely prepared for the challenge: this might have been your first pregnancy, but it’s actually your fifth child. It shouldn’t be too hard since…

Once a mother always a mother.

Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

[loose-leaf-teacanons]

Can I have murahimu for the otp questions please? :)

Anonymous said to loose-leaf-teacanons:Would you possibly be willing to do MuraHimu? I love them so much.

1. Who liked the other first?

Mukkun, and it irks him like you wouldn’t believe. Not that he realizes what’s happening at first. He pays about as much attention to puberty and dating and crushes as he does to everything not related to his immediate interests (those being snacks, sleeping, and sometimes, maybe, very, very occasionally and just a tiny little bit, basketball), which is to say “not much”, which is to say “none at all.” 

Not to mention most of the early signs register as nothing more than a profound sense of annoyance at, well, everything. Stupid Murochin being all nice to strangers when it’s obviously Atsushi’s Murochin Time. Stupid Murochin making him care about basketball. Stupid Murochin sending him snacks from America that start doing weird things to Atsushi’s insides before they’re even out of the box. Stupid Murochin making it hard to sleep when he’s around. Stupid Murochin making it hard to sleep when he isn’t around. Stupid Murochin making him want to try harder at everything.

And it just gets worse in third year because by then stupid Murochin has graduated, and stupid Murochin’s stupid dorm is now occupied by someone else, and they’re extra stupid, and Atsushi is stupid for forgetting that sometimes and ending up there when he’s not paying attention, and stupid Murochin is no longer captain, and the new captain is super-stupid, and nobody else on the team is stupid Murochin, and that’s stupid too, and he gets stupid happy whenever stupid Murochin calls, which is also stupid, and Murochin is even more stupid for not calling more often and making Atsushi think stupid things like he’s maybe being forgotten, and urgh. Everything sucks.

I don’t even know how he’d finally figure it out without some friendly intervention because Murasakibara is so prone to wrapping himself up in sulkiness and not really thinking about why he feels what he feels, and he sucks at being honest about it, too…

Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if his eventual confession (urged by Kuroko’s sage-voiced “But how is Himuro-san supposed to know all that when you don’t tell him, Murasakibara-kun?”) were just a long complain-y rant about how stupid and annoying Murochin is for being so far away, and how stupid and annoying it is to not see him, etc etc thank god Himuro is fluent in grumpy manchild speak because lord knows everyone else would be offended that they’re being propositioned like this. XD

2. Where is their ‘special spot’?

Whichever candy store is the closest? XD

(“That’s not what they mean by special spot, Atsushi,” says Himuro, which just gets him a blank look because isn’t the math obvious? He likes snacks, he likes Murochin, they’re currently in a location where he can have both… and Himuro just sighs fondly because this is clearly the height of romantic utterances.)

3. How do they cheer one another up?

Tbh that’s actually pretty difficult because, like I said, one of them is exceptionally bad with feelings in general and the other is bad with negative feelings pertaining to himself.

Himuro is a pretty good listener overall and likes being able to provide comfort and advice to others, but Murasakibara is such  a prickly personality that it’s often for the best to just leave him be until he comes out to seek comfort of his own accord (which mostly involves flopping into Himuro and curling up to continue being a ball of anger/upset until Himuro picks his way through a bunch of leading questions (”Do you want a hug?” – “No.” – “Do you… not want a hug?” – “No.” etc etc.) to get him to relax.

As for Murasakibara, he… well. He tries? But Himuro is a very difficult person to comfort even for someone with a specialized empathy toolset because Himuro bottles things up a lot and has even more that he doesn’t want to admit to anyone, not even to himself. And when he’s at the point where he’s showing how upset he is about something, it’s because he either wants someone to notice (rare) or because he can’t hold it in anymore (more likely).

And Mukkun is not the best at relating to other people or disentangling complicated motivations. So mostly what happens is he either tends to lean into Himuro until Himuro collapses under the added weight of 2 meters of human, which results in an awkward not!cuddle where Murasakibara sort of puts his chin on Himuro’s head and makes discontented noises until stupid Murochin relaxes, already. And then he goes around for a couple of days eyeing Himuro like a hawk and thrusting Himuro’s favorite snacks in his face (or later, making desserts for him) and somehow that works because Himuro is fluent in odd-duck comfort speak, too. XD

4. What is their favourite movie to watch together?

Himuro is pretty easy-going when it comes to movies, so it’s hard to find something he won’t watch, no matter the company. Murasakibara likes family-type movies – iirc Fujimaki even said he loves Home Alone (which makes so much sense considering he has like four older siblings XD), but you can’t tell me he doesn’t religiously watch Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.

Later on he also gets interested in Food Network style cooking shows or documentaries like Kings of Pastry. He doesn’t mind when Murochin wants to watch something sci-fi or action-y, but he draws the line at Himuro’s love of horror movies (the gorier, the better), because that’s just gross and you are gross Murochin are you a cannibal.

5. When did they know that they are each other’s soul mate?

Pffff, no. God, no. I don’t think either believes in the concept, but even if they did, they’re about as different as two people can be, so if anything, isn’t it more noteworthy that they’re making things work despite that?

6. Where do they primarily kiss one another out in public? Examples forehead, cheek, hand etc.

Mukkun gets all tsundere about PDA, and Himuro is nothing if not someone who can wait until the perfect moment where all things are working out in his favor.

7. Who goes all out for the other person’s birthday?

XD I dunno, they’re pretty laid-back about this sort of thing and tend to organize their own birthdays. Himuro will often invite friends for a small party (which works out really well considering the bf is well on his way to being a pastry chef and his best friend can cook literally anything to perfection XD). Mukkun is more the type who gets dragged out for a small gathering or wants to “stake out” some new type of high-end café and eat all their ridiculously tiny fancy gateaux. For research. Obviously. 

8. Whose clothes are too big for the other, but they wear them anyway?

Himuro doesn’t do that very often (he’s too fashion-conscious). It’s more Murasakibara who’ll sometimes decide that “Murochin will catch a cold, he should wear this” and dump one of his giant picnic-blanket hoodies on him, and Himuro finds his irritated blushy face damnably endearing, so he does.

9. Who is the one who stays up late baking brownies and dancing in their underwear wearing a baggy shirt, and who is the one who comes down to see the other being all cute?

Even after answering this meme so many times, this question is still creepy. The ONLY part of this that I can see happening is the brownies thing because Murasakibara gets cravings at odd hours and now that he actually has the training to make his own snacks, nothing can stop him. (And then he falls asleep in front of the oven and Himuro gets woken up by the smoke alarm going off).

10. Would they cuddle even though it is super hot outside?

No. Murasakibara gets extremely cranky in the heat, not least because stupid Murochin will walk around the apartment in his underwear and constantly rub down with a damp towel and it’s too hot to do anything about that and gnarhghghgh.