#I hate feeling sad 24/7 and faking happy for everyone else

[sensitivegoblin]

Ramble vent

I'll probably post more cus I don't have anywhere else to go so either be careful reading or just skip it all together

[cottoncandyjester]

Yandere ocs

So I figured I should show them off..and make stories for them cause this idea won't escape my mind no matter what. Please be gentle on them

All artwork is made on picrew I don't own any of it

As far as they go I'm accepting request, questions for the characters to answer and just questions about them and if you just wanna talk to them you can via ask

Warning: contains both sfw and nsfw headcanons..also these boys are yanderes so they are kinda toxic

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Theodore,21

Gentle giant

I'm not kidding he's 6'3"

Half japanese half american

Is a college student studying to be a doctor

Just the sweetest sweetheart

He comes across as ditzy though

He is the mom of any friend group

Will spoil his darling with affection and love

Best hubby vibes for sure

Works himself to death to provide for you both

Will give you all the headpats

"you're so sweet, a perfect angel"

Got his scar from his childhood

Loves sweets

Likes to make you lunch shaped as animals

Wholesome boy

Will never hurt you

Can be strict about self care

But completely forgets about his own self-care

Works so hard to please you

Makes sure you are never sad or anything

As far as his yandere side

He isn't the type to get violent but is definitely the emotional manipulation type

Will make his darling seem absolutely insane

"sweetie, you shouldn't leave be logical here"

He will make his darling question their own decision making

In his eyes you are too fragile for the outside world

Listen to him, he is only trying to protect you

Doesn't like it when you fight him

Prefers a sweet darling but if you are a hothead he'll love you just as much...though your fighting and struggling will be a challenge

Will drug you if that's what it takes to keep you calm

"Just listen to me, okay? Why would you ever need to think or make your own choices when you have me?"

Definitely has a low sex drive more of a cuddler

But when he wants it he's such a gentleman about it

Will seduce you with a nice meal first before asking to make love

He will never force you to though cause he knows what that feels like

Can spend hours kissing you

Definitely has a kink for purity

If you act super innocent he just can't help but pull you into his lap and love up on you

Doesn't do any feral sex unless you've pushed him past his breaking point.

Is a switch so if you want to top him he'll allow it but he is far more comfortable being the dom

Hikaru, 21

Young and famous model

Full japanese

Comes from a family full of actors

Flamboyant as hell will actually crossdress if he wants to cause fuck gender roles

Monster Dick energy

He comes across as loud and hyper

Seems super sweet and bubbly

Loves to dress up his darling in cute clothes and spoil them when they are well behaved

"look at my adorable baby! Oh you're such a cutie!"

Is a strawberry milk boba drinker(*cough* like me *cough*)

Will take you on shopping dates if you are good

Is the type to flaunt his credit cards

Is actually a degrading king

He isn't the nicest yandere

Will kill an entire army if he has to

Will degrade the absolute hell out of his darling to break your self esteem and self worth

"baby, who else will want you? Honestly darling do you think anyone else actually cares about someone as worthless as you?"

Kinky as fuck

Has a bad temper

Don't piss him off or he will hurt you

"why would you ever need to leave! The only one who cares about you is me! Everyone else will just use you and throw you away!"

Is the type to try and make his darling as clingy as possible

Wants a housewife type darling no matter the gender

Wants to come home to an obedient lover ready to give him a kiss, dinner, and a BJ

Always wants to love up on you and have you in his arms

Will be grouchy if he sees you getting too confident in your looks

He fears that if you have too much self confidence you're going to leave him

"what are you wearing? It's absolutely hideous. Hmm? I bought that? Huh you must have looked cute in it then but right now you kinda look like a pig"

All in all he's a brat

If you try and dom him he will absolutely fight back and it will lead to some feral sex

Axis, 18

100% blind

full japanese

Despite not being able to see he doesn't need a cane or anything

Though he likes it when you offer to hold his hand in public

Works at home as an artist

Is really good at it and had some of his work in museums

Like spicy foods

Dumbass

Like super dumb

"hey, babe is tomato sauce a smoothie? Or maybe it's like jelly..but made out of like tomatoes"

Is basically a puppy

Can't keep his hands off you

Is always kissing and loving you

Praise giving king

Has hightened senses so he definitely remembers your smell and how you walk

Always has to be with you

Never leave

Never

He can't handle it

Is the exact opposite of hikaru

Makes it seem like he will actually die without you

"don't leave! Please! I'm helpless without you! [Y/n]! Don't leave me by myself!"

Will make you quit your job

Will make you move in with him

Acts pathetic when you even mention leaving

Hugs your leg and sobs hard

Has fake fallen many times to get you to think he truly is helpless without you

Will have a screaming tantrum if you walk out the door

Just painful screams and sobs while he claws his own face and body out of absolute insanity

Will keep doing that until you come back to him

"s-see, I'm helpless without you. I'll die without you, I need you so please..stay with me forever"

As far as sex..

He is definitely cries during it

Loves you so much that he is just sobbing while fucking you cause you feel so good and he loves you and-

Is like a dog in heat

Loves just feeling all over your body

Sex with him usually lasts many rounds and involves him humping you to death while he sobs and drools all over you

Will sub for you if you want him to

Will honestly do anything you want as long as you are touching him

Prince, 24

Horny 24/7

Full Korean but moved to Japan shortly after birth

Gained his name out of a magazine..thanks mom and dad

Works as a bartender

Usually a one night stand kind of guy but with you it's different

Loves sloppy kisses and cuddles

Bad boy

Aka he pretends to be a bad boy but is actually a softie who loves dogs and long walks on the beach

Goofy as hell

Loves to make you laugh

He isn't used to having a real relationship so be easy on him

Doesn't like restricting you and lets you do basically anything you want

Of course you belong to him though so no doing crazy things

Like to take you to work with him and gives you free drinks

Definitely has a fan girl club

The word sex escapes his mouth every three seconds

Sex with him is usually amazing

He's knows exactly what he's doing

As long as you love him it's all good

The moment you try to break up with him or distance yourself he loses it

"huh? Huh huh huh huh?! You're kidding yeah?! Stop joking around"

Gets hella paranoid and locks you in his house while pacing around not sure what to do

Will kill for you like absolutely will slaughter someone if they get too close to you

He changes so dramatically it's hard to see him as the same laid back flirty guy

He gets tense and panicked

"you can't leave okay?! Don't even try to ask!"

Will start to calm down if he sees you are accepting your fate

Thinks sex will solve his problems

"you just need to see how much of a man I am yeah?! Then you'll stay right?! Of course you will!"

Spirals out of control

You belong to him in his eyes so you can't ever leave

Clearly has abandonment issues

Will try to do whatever he can to make you happy though

Want it and he will get it

just stay with him and he will be okay

Will try and do whatever he can to make you just as obsessed with him as he is for you

Clearly doesn't have experience in loving someone

He's not used to wanting someone to stay with him so he takes drastic measures to assure you never leave

Even tries getting you pregnant or making you disabled to make you make no choice but to stay

Yuki, 21

Not picking favorites buuut-

Sleepy boy

Oddly enough is super athletic and strong..despite not working out

Half japanese half american

Responds with sounds or very few words

Forked tongue- not given to him by choice

Owns a tattoo and piercing shop

Despite this he doesn't own any tattoos

Loves to put his head on your lap or stomach

Prefers chubbier lovers but honestly will love you regardless

Will sleep the entire day without eating if you let him

Doesn't like speaking but if he has to he will

Hates any sort of loud noise, has sensitive senses

Is pretty lazy but if he has to do it he will.. though he will make random grunts and grumbles the entire time while pouting

More of a cat than a person

Quite moody

Only you're allowed to touch him

Anyone else who does he'll glare at and act cold towards

Likes to hug you from behind and lean against you no matter your height

If you're shorter than him expect him to put his chin on your head

If you are taller he's nuzzling his face in your back and taking in your smell

Can't cook to save his life

Almost burnt the house down cause he fell asleep while cooking

It's fine cause he eats microwave dinners and snacks from the convience store

Low sex drive

The king of sleepy sex

Usually all sex with him is slow,teasing and just filled with sleepy praise and compliments

Unless he's jealous or stressed then it's just rough fucking

Doesn't really act like a yandere at all.. buuut-

Honestly thought you two were dating this whole time

What do you mean you two aren't a couple

No no sweetheart you two were dating the moment he laid eyes on you

If you try to break this fantasy he will shut it down

"we're dating."

Try and say no and he will not be able to handle it

All his delusions keep him from breaking down but if you absolutely say that you two aren't dating he will snap

"stop talking, we are dating. So stop lying"

Doesn't like the thought of kidnapping but he will do it if he must

Will even work from home if he has to

He isn't really a violent type so he won't kill for you but he will absolutely spread lies and use blackmail to get what he wants

All your friends and family think that you eloped with him and never want to see them again

It's better for you both if you just play along with his games

Will definitely tattoo his name on you

He won't ever gag you cause he likes to hear your voice but if you try to scream he honestly won't know what to do

The loudness makes him tear up and he just covers your mouth with your hands begging you to stop

"It hurt. Too Loud. Please."

He just wants to love you he doesn't see what he's doing wrong

He just wants to be with you forever so be good and don't fight him

Is definitely the stalker and stealing clothes type

Will make a nest of all your things that smell like you and he'll just lay in it being in absolute peace

Has scared any and all potential lovers away

Mostly through blackmail

He is easily jealous but pretends not to be

As soon as you walk into the house he is there to smell you to see if you smell different

If you do you are taking a shower with him immediately

If not then yay cool cuddles and kisses

[blouisparadise]

Here are some amazing bottom Louis fics posted or completed during the month of July. We really hope you enjoy this list and that you give these fics a lot of love.

Happy reading!

1) Your Good Time | Explicit | 3070 words

Louis nodded along with what the guy was saying, apparently his arousal taking over his brain to mouth filter as he said, “Who would want to hide a fit bloke like you? That guys an idiot.” Louis scoffed, dramatizing the word ‘idiot’, giving the guy a sly smirk. The guy leaned an arm against the bar, turned his body to Louis and fixed him with a curious look before he held out a hand.

“M’Harry.”

Louis and Harry meet in a bar when Harry's date is an ass. Inspired by Temporary Fix by One Direction.

2) I Push You To The Limits | Explicit | 3846 words

Louis is a brat who likes seeing his boyfriend get jealous and possessive over him.

3) Overkill | Explicit | 4354 words

Louis was never going to get over how fucking attractive Harry was. How glorious his big, tall, curvy body was. The feeling of Harry behind him, hot and heavy, trapped on the tube after they’d been somewhere during rush hour. His thick hands, full of pretty rings sometimes, handing Louis a cup of coffee, then getting one for himself.

4) Too Nervous to be Lovers | Mature | 6445 words

Louis doesn't want to spend quarantine with Harry, his straight roommate, who doesn't even acknowledge his existence.

5) Fratboy In Love | Mature | 6830 words

Harry Styles was a frat boy who loved to sleep around and flirt with boys and girls. Louis was a good uni student who loved to stay in and study and wasn't much of a partier.

Insert his best friend Niall who talks him into going. Louis gets drunk and ends up sleeping with harry. The next day he leaves before Harry wakes and tries to avoid him at all costs. Thinking Harry wouldn't care since Louis was just another conquest. But what if Harry did care. And actually have a crush on Louis. Read and find out

6) My Sunflower | Mature | 7057 words

Louis would rather be sunbathing at the beach with his friends, not slaving his spring break away in his father’s flower shop.

7) Waiting | Explicit | 8023 words

Louis Tomlinson was Harry’s omega, of this Harry had always been sure. Unfortunately for Harry, Louis seemed to think they were just best friends. The six weeks that Harry has to live with Louis were going to be rough.

8) Shine Light Upon Your Ground | Explicit | 8506 words

Note: The fic pairing is Louis/H, which the reader can picture as Harry or Henry Cavill.

Louis sighs again and fiddles with the bracelet on his wrist, twisting the charms around and petting the fake diamonds.

“How much for a night?” A deep voice suddenly asks him. The man who approaches him is already pulling out his wallet and flicking through a bundle of bills. Louis, who had been sitting at the bar completely innocent and minding his own business, lets out an offended, strangled sound.

“Excuse me?” He demands, straightening up in his seat. The hem of his dress creeps further up his thigh but he pays it no mind.

9) Glistening Under The Sun (You're My Honey Soaked Love) | Mature | 8996 words

“Oh Petal,” he picks her up nuzzling the top of her head with his cheek as she nibbles on the lavender, “How lucky are we? I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy, the only thing we have to be sad about is that soon I won’t be able to hold you like this,”

10) Connected To The Heart | Explicit | 9059 words

Note: This is an coda scene for this fic.

“Your stage cue is way too close for you to be wearing that look you’re wearing,” Louis informs him. He can’t stop himself from looking up at Harry through his eyelashes, the silk of Harry’s dress shirt brushing against the backs of his knuckles.

“Twenty minutes,” Harry agrees. His breath is minty from the gum he was chewing earlier, fresh and warm. “Twenty minutes can be a long time, baby.”

This time, Louis has to force himself to roll his eyes. “Not nearly long enough for the way you always want to fuck me.”

11) Fuck U Betta | Explicit | 11438 words

There’s something about having Louis like this, exposed and desperate, that makes a primal urge bubble up from deep inside Harry’s chest. Desire mixed with something else, something unquantifiable. It’s the thing that makes them want this, need this. Nothing else will satisfy them or quench their thirst.

OR the one where Harry likes the thrill of the chase, Louis likes to be chased, and everyone gets what they need… in the end.

12) Kiss Me In Your Chevrolet | Explicit | 11569 words

"Yes, Lou?" Harry asked, rubbing his tired eyes. A gust of wind came through the open windows, sending chills down Harry's arms as a light rain began falling outside. He closed his eyes again and let his head fall back to the couch arm rest.

"Can we go there?" Louis asked, probably pointing somewhere. Harry opened his eyes and felt his heart jump in his chest, a magazine page a couple of inches away from his face. Startled, Harry closed his eyes and breathed heavily, trying to collect himself.

Harry blinked a few times to focus his eyes on the page Louis still held in front of his nose. "You want to go to the Grand Canyon?" He furrowed his eyebrows, tilting his head to the left to look at Louis' face.

13) Pull The Trigger | Explicit | 12007 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic, which is #16 on this list.

Louis has never been alright with killing. Will that change when he learns what it's like to be the one holding the gun?

14) Open All Night | Explicit | 12537 words

It’s six in the morning when Harry finally makes it back home.

Harry's a bartender, Louis' got a nice ass and a shit taste in men. They make it work.

15) Among Other Things | Explicit | 16073 words

“Harry, it’s 7:45, oh my god, my class starts at 8:15,” and Louis wants to cry. Harry’s busy under the bed trying to find the tiny silver key but Louis knows that fate just hates him and he needs to find a way to get up. “Harry, I—fuck,” Louis whines. Harry stands up in a rush.

“I can’t seem to find them. It. The key.”

Or, Louis’ the teacher of Harry Styles’ daughter. Their paths shouldn’t cross like this. This meaning Louis showing up to school handcuffed to a headboard.

16) A Bullet And It's Gun | Explicit | 18156 words

Note: The sequel to this fic is #13 on this list. 

Louis’ parents arrange his marriage with Harry. He’s fully ready to accept that he’s going to be a sad and lonely person for the rest of his life. But then Harry starts proving himself as more than just an asocial man with money.

17) By Such Slight Ligaments | Explicit | 26764 words

Note: The fic pairing is Louis/Henry Cavill.

A late night visit to a patient sets off a series of events that will turn Louis' world upside down.

... Here there be monsters.

18) At Your Fingertips | Explicit | 27384 words

He finds himself wrapped up in sheets in bed on Thursday night, staring at the familiar name on a new story that was posted the night before.

His fingers twitch, ready to hit play and surrender to his impulses, saving the regret and turmoil for later.

And still he hesitates, internally praying that he’ll somehow gain the strength to exit out within the next few moments before he inevitably loses his patience and hits the button.

Three…

Two…

One.

Play.

19) Forgot My Roots Now Watch Me Bloom | Explicit | 28334 words

Lonely transit worker Louis pulls his longtime crush, Peter, from the path of an oncoming train. At the hospital, doctors report that he's in a coma, and a misplaced comment from Louis causes Peter's family to assume that he is his fiancée. When Louis doesn't correct them, they take him into their home and confidence. Things get even more complicated when he finds himself falling for Peter's brother, Harry. Loosely based on the movie "While You Were Sleeping".

20) Push You Out, Pull You Back In | Explicit | 31544 words

Harry hates feeling vulnerable. Louis is set on breaking through his tough facade.

21) Baby Blue | Explicit | 39439 words

Harry Styles takes his time coming out to greet them. Louis only knows what he’s seen on file and what he’s heard them talking about, but he fully lives up to the image he had inside of his head.

He saunters down the front steps of the farmhouse in his Levi’s, brown snakeskin boots curving out from underneath the denim Louis’ sure he had specially made. He’s got on a plaid button-down tucked into the jeans because of course he does, curls spilling out from either side of his cowboy hat around his sunglasses and country-tan skin.

“Harry Styles,” he drawls, extending a hand to Louis’ manager, “Pleased to meet ya’ll.”

22) Lidocaine And Palm Trees | Explicit | 44653 words

Heat, fake tans and lots of traffic.

Harry never expected to earn his living this way when he moved to LA.

Louis didn't think he could ever be the same after his divorce.

A lighthearted story about two guys trying to find themselves in the vibrant, sprawling city of Los Angeles, with a side of technical porn industry stuff.

23) Sleeping On Our Problems | Explicit | 67369 words

Louis sleeps with Harry and they have more than just catching feelings to worry about.

24) Truth Would Be | Explicit | 91869 words

“You want me? I’m not a… a thing to be owned!” Louis stuttered, still very angry and confused.

“Hmmm…” The alpha tapped his lips as if he was contemplating something. “Last time I checked, the debt was paid off and the only thing I had asked in return was… you. So technically I do own you.”

“You are crazy…” Louis muttered as he began to back towards the door. Harry’s impossibly green eyes turned a shade darker, but his tone was still teasing and light when he said, “Maybe I am…”

The I-paid-off-all-your-debt-so-you-are-mine AU in which Omega Louis wants to be left alone by Alpha Harry but it's super complicated when he starts to not hate the alpha all that much.

25) Collision | Not Rated | 224594 words

Note: This fic was finished in 2018, but two new epilogue chapters have been added.

Mythology/Fairytale!AU in which Louis is a dainty fairy with a temper who wants to be intimidating and Harry hurts people. Naturally, they hate each other.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

[murdereraisuha]

I wrote this for myself to try and organize my current theories on TWST, but I might as well keep this blog going even though I’m out of ideas for card maker memes.

This is basically a rant that starts out with theorizing about RSA, the Cater=Cinderella theory, and Split Card, but then spirals into a Cater character analysis.

For anyone who doesn’t know the Cinderella theory, it’s basically just Cater might have something to do with Cinderella because he has two bossy sisters, and during the ghost marriage there was this whole thing where Riddle needs to rescue Cater before midnight because of some Queen of Hearts rule. 

Spoilers for Cater’s personal stories (including his halloween outfit story) and chat, and chapter 4 of the main story. Okay now let’s get into it. Over 1,800 words geez what am I doing with my life

   Aight so Ace and Deuce don't have their unique magics yet and there is obviously Something going on with Cater so it really makes me think that we're gonna return to Heartslabyul somewhere down the line. We know there's gotta be more stuff with RSA, so that might tie into the Cater = Cinderella theory. Maybe we have a chapter focusing on RSA and Cater will be the main focus or ally for that. IDK man, I'm still kind of eh on the Cinderella theory cause it makes a lot of sense but we already have Mozus being the evil stepmother. Him and Cater are from the same hometown (?) but my concern is that if Cater is a main focus and he gets connected to Mozus then Mozus would also be in the spotlight which would be odd given how nothing seems to suggest that the teachers (except Crowley) getting bigger roles in the story. However, it could always be a situation like with Farena where Mozus is there and some sort of connection is briefly discussed but he isn't important and maybe someone else takes the role of evil stepmother in the story.

   Ok idk so we're gonna go back to Cater. If the Cinderella theory is true, we gotta consider how exactly Cater represents Cinderella. Does he represent Cinderella in the way that he's twisted from her (ex. Azul & Ursula) or that he just takes the role of Cinderella for a chapter (ex. Azul & The Genie)? The fact that he uses dark magic points to it being the latter, that he really is twisted from a card soldier. However, we gotta consider 1. the nature of his unique magic 2. the plot of Cinderella. Though we know he has the ability to clone himself, we don't know how exactly this works. Are the clones identical, or do/can they have differences? In episode 1-15, the Cater clones all have slightly different responses ("はーい" "まかせて！" "おっけー♪") to getting ready to paint the roses. Given how clones don't exist in real life, it's impossible to tell whether this variation indicates actual differences in personality, is just due to the clones' slightly different experiences (like a sort of butterfly effect), or if it's just a decision by the writer so they aren't repetitive. Another thing to note is that in that same episode Cater claims that cloning himself is tiring. If this is the only source for this information, there's the possibility that it just was a lie to let him manipulate the 1st years into helping him paint. Finally, Cater's ability makes me think of Twice from BNHA. Can only the original Cater create clones? Or is he like Twice in that his clones can also make clones, therefore making it impossible for anyone, including himself, to tell who is the original?

  What I'm getting at here is the possibility of Cater having clones that 1. stick around permanently and 2. are significantly different than him. This would create the possibility of him being twisted from both the card soldiers and Cinderella, but he is able to use his clone ability to split up those aspects of himself. One Cater is the card soldier one normally walking around NRC and who has dark magic, but then there's another Cinderella Cater who has light magic. Assuming this is what is going on, it would kind of connect to his two-sided personality, where he presents his bubbly, social-media addict personality to the world but has another, depressed, more private personality underneath. 

  Now, getting into what I mentioned before about the plot of Cinderella, Cinderella normally looks like a humble servant. However, with the aid of the fairy godmother, she completely transforms herself into a breathtaking princess so she can go to the ball. However, once the clock strikes midnight, she transforms back. Basically, Cinderella has the ability of transformation, to have two completely different versions of herself. One version is her true, plain self, while the other is a flashy deception. This information strengthens what I just said about Cater's personality and clone ability.

  Actually, just going into Cater's personality for a bit (yeah, “a bit” lol)... He has a big focus on always being presentable. In his lab coat, he seems pretty desperate to hide all evidence of his true self, claiming that he just failed at putting his magic in the depressed mandrake and then hiding all his other mandrakes aside from the fun ones. This desperation is similar to Cinderella's, with how she flees the ball in a hurry once it reaches midnight so no one will see how she truly looks once the spell breaks. Now, why do Cater and Cinderella behave the way they do? I don't remember Cinderella's exact motivations for attending the ball, but wikipedia says that she had to flee the ball because if the spell broke there she could get caught by her stepmother & stepsisters. What is Cater's "ball"? Well, because of his strong social media presence, his "ball" is basically everywhere, all the time. If something happens on social media that exposes his true self, breaking his "spell", not only can other students see it, but his sisters can also see it.

  Cater hates sucking up to his older sisters, which implies that he has had to suck up to his older sisters and put up his happy front around them too. Just like how Cinderella can't afford to let her stepsisters realize her true identity at the ball, Cater can't afford to let his sisters realize his true self. It's honestly kind of sad; unlike Cinderella, whose stepsisters only showed up later in her life, Cater's older sisters have been around him and making him miserable for all of his life.

  Kinda unrelated, but looking though Cater's chats, in the one he has with Trey they talk about the Queen of Hearts and her love for sweets, Cater remarks that he wants to have tea with her too, leading Trey to say that Cater would be unable to befriend her since they're in different social classes. Isn't this basically a genderbent version of Cinderella, just a commoner, wanting to go to the ball where the Prince is? 

  Now going back to Cater's personality. Even if he does fear his sisters, that doesn't seem to fully explain his 24/7 pep and focus on being magicammable. Now, what if we say that happiness=nobility. In Cinderella, she dresses up like nobility so she can remain in the ball where the actually rich people are. What if Cater is acting happy so he can fit in with the people around him, who are naturally happy enough that they don't need to fake it? Is this a fake it until you make it situation? At the end of his ceremony robes story, after he says he's tired and doesn't care about the ceremony, he says he's just kidding and goes back to talking about the selfies he took that day. Even though he's alone and wouldn't really get hurt for dropping his performance. It gives the vibe to me that his situation is not like Jamil's, where he's fully aware he's unhappy, deliberately acts otherwise in front of others, and tries to eliminate the cause of his unhappiness. Instead, Cater is trying to eliminate his unhappiness itself. He grasps onto magicam because if he fills up his account with pictures of a happy life, it's like he's actually living a happy life.

  This idea I have of Cater trying to fit in also goes along with his focus on the current trends, like in one of his gym uniform voice lines where he panics at the idea of not knowing about a new popular game. Rather than making his own aesthetics or trends, he goes along with the crowd. Sweets and desserts are trendy? Then he'll take tons of pictures of them and say they're super delicious even if he actually hates sweet food. He disregards or evades his own preferences to create the appearance that he's just like everyone else, and he puts effort into staying up to date so he can maintain that appearance.

  Moving on, I reread his halloween outfit personal story. Something that stuck out was the end, when Cater thinks that Lilia wouldn't understand what he's going through. Specifically, Lilia wouldn't understand his 下らなくてどーしよーもない feelings. According to jisho, 下らない can mean trivial/not worth bothering with/worthless, and it can also mean stupid/absurd/silly. Then, どーしよーもない (どうしようもない)  means something that can't be helped, that has no way out of it. Doesn't this seem kind of odd? That he claims his feelings are just trivial then but also he can't help having them? Is this a contradiction? Or is it something like he believes that most people wouldn't have these silly feelings but he specifically is too weak to push past them?

  For self-esteem though, he seems to at least be trying to boost it. Like in his gym uniform story, when he decides to just clone himself and have each one run 1 lap instead of him running 5 by himself, his clones all praise him for the idea. However, this could be a fake it until you make it thing again. The praise does seem a bit heavy-handed. 

  There's also the whole thing in the 2nd part of the story where he talks about all the shallow friendships he has made. He notes that he'd rather have a casual time with people rather than get attached. That plus his family situation... means he's really never had anyone to trust. Anyway, he then goes on to talk about how magicame is amazing for helping him maintain all these casual friendships. So there we have another reason for his social media addiction: not only does it let him create a picture of happiness, he can get tons of feedback affirming his happiness and serving as proof of happiness. How can he possibly be lonely if he has so many friends?

  Both in his ceremony robes and halloween outfit stories have a moment where Cater is tired and admits he's tired but then downplays it. Yeah, the ceremony was tiring, but he got tons of great pictures out of it! Yeah, dealing with guests was rough, but at the same time all the halloween stuff was exciting! This sort of thing is a pretty common strategy for increasing the persuasiveness of an argument. By first agreeing (yes, he's tired) with the opposing view (he is not happy), he can then push his own view (he is happy) and point at his earlier concession as proof that he has looked at both sides of the issue instead of only looking for evidence of his own belief. 

 So basically what I'm getting here is that Cater Is Not Okay. Prevented from building close bonds with friends or family, he's reinforcing his isolation himself through his fervent efforts to never let anyone close and never let his mask drop. He's gone so far as to try and convince himself that he's happier than he actually is through self-deception and social media.

  Alright that’s all I got for now see ya

[yarrowleef]

Read Darkness Within all in one sitting last night and then passed out so here are my scattered thoughts i wrote down as i read, (afterthoughts in parenthesis)

Darkness Within Spoilers, obv

UGH GOD THE SECOND HAND EMBARRESMENT FROM SQUIRREL FAKE FLIRTING WITH ASHFUR IT HURTS

Just remembered Sandynose died and got a small boost of happiness (will Hawkwing and Plumwillow ever be allowed to talk again now? I mean probly not b/c they aren’t protags and non-protags don’t rly have friends but I can hope. Sorry, Hawkwhing and Plumwillow’s short-lived friendship in Hawkwings Journey was one of the last times I felt something)

Ghost fleas lol

Mothwing: i’m rude now. (but more importantly, Fuck Tigerheartstar for forcing his son to be around the cat that hurt him so badly, like he HAS to know how upset everyone is regarding Shadowsight and his accidentally helping the imposter, and he’s making him be the sole one to tend to him??? There is NO REASON Puddleshine couldn’t have done it. You think Puddleshine is going to try and murder someone?? )

Oh no don't make this a traveling book, and a ROOTBRISTLE traveling book this is going to be insufferable

BACON AND EGGS

Lightleap Is Good (Hey didn’t Shadowsight have another sister? lets be real we all knew Pouncekit was going to end up as the forgettable 3rd one)

Bristlefrost’s crush continues to feel unnatural to me. It’s like she’s grasping at straws romanticizing the most generic things.....wow....I love how ur just so...bare minimum competent....being polite to the loner we came all this way to ask for help like any somewhat reasonable person would....How admirable...I love the way you just *clenches fist* exhibit some basic traits of loyalty and skill that literally every warrior has (I s2g I’m this close to head canon-ing Bristle as a clueless aromantic who doesn't understand what romance is actually suppose to feel like so she just looks at feelings of low-bar admiration and assumes “oh I guess this is that “romantic attraction” everyone’s always talking about? guess I must be in love???” because both her crushes have felt out of nowhere and like. Idk fake/forced sounding like she’s just telling me that that she’s In Love Now while I continue to not actually feel it at all from her end. I know it’s just that I hate the way Erin’s write female characters in love but this head-canon makes me laugh)

Got scared because I thought they were going to villainize Spotfur for not wanting kits for a minute, but also excited at the concept of maybe exploring a female character that doesn’t want to be a mother, but it turns out she was just pulling a Sparkpelt and actually DID want the kits all along and was only hesitant because she’s sad. Shrug oh well.  (the only female character in warriors that was distinctly upset about pregnancy and motherhood was Lizardstripe and as we all know she was eeeeeevil and abusive and “overly ambitious” because why else would you not come around to being happy about motherhood?? YES I’M STILL SALTY ABOUT YELLOWFANG’S SECRET, BAD BOOK)  Whatever it’s fine so long as Spot doesn’t lose her rebel leader spirit forever and default to “soft mom” personality for the rest of her life, I gotta have hope because I actually like Bristle and Spot’s current relationship. Also I am actually very grateful they never made Bristle resentful at Spot for getting with her crush, as lots of middle grade/YA media has a very bad habit of demonizing female romantic “competition” and its super gross, so I rly do like that Bristlefrost is so protective and caring towards her instead. )

This series is trying to tell me that Rootspring is actually Big but I refuse to accept that. he has dumb scrawny bitch energy and we all know it

Sunrise: “Thunderclan may be better with a new leader” lol go off (i mean........they right tho...It’s unfortunate that the tension in this whole plot is a bit dampened by the fact that i DO in fact want bramble to die v badly. I don’t even have special hatred for him, I’m just bored of him.)

Yes Lionblaze beat the shit out of Ashfur

*HOLY SHIT THAT’S FUCKED!!!! (I wrote this in reference to the ghost summoning scene, this was all I could manage at the time, that scene was WILD and I am VIBING WITH THE HORROR OF IT ALL)

* Brashfur: Oh yeah? Could Ashfur fake THIS? *stands up with slightly better posture* Shadowsight: oh damn you got me there...... (asdfhhfhhgh im sorry that was really funny, how did that prove anything?? ONLY A ~REAL~ WARRIOR COULD STAND UP STRAIGHT WE ALL KNOW ASHFUR IS INCAPABLE OF GOOD POSTURE!)

End of the book: *LAUGHING NERVOUSLY* WHAT THE FUCK??? (I thought he was just gonna kill Squirrelflight right there holy shit can you imagine the RIOTS that would ensue in the wake of all this Squirrel/Bramble discourse I was so scared for a second.  

 But it’s fine, she just....went to super hell instead......Warriors has come so far lmao WHAT IS HAPPENING

Final Notes:

*On Mothwing, I don’t think her behavior struck me as “CHARACTER BUTCHERING” as much as it did for other people? I mean.....Warriors fans will say that literally any time a character does ANYTHING less then perfectly nice I think her actions just seemed that much harsher because we are reading from Shadowsight’s POV, and Shadowsight is taking everything 10x more personally right now (understandably so, but Mothwing isn’t inside his head) she wasn’t trying to hurt him. Also... like... Shadowsight DID get his name too early. It’s not Mothwing’s job to put his feelings above everything else, she’s not even his mentor, Puddleshine on the other hand, as his main mentor, I don’t understand what his deal is ignoring Shadowsight, that’s not how you help an apprentice but I suppose I chalk many of his mistakes up to also not being the most experienced medicine cat (he barely even had his own mentor.) Maybe he’s distant because he feels guilty and actually blames himself for not guiding Shadowsight better?? the two of them haven’t communicated about it yet so idk

 any way I give Mothwing a pass to be a little short tempered right now as a cat who has had her abilities periodically questioned all her life no matter how hard she works or how much experience she has, just because she doesn’t vibe with the spiritual cult side of the clans, I can understand why she’s a bit defensive of being questioned and frustrated watching so much hurt happen Yet Again due to reliance on StarClan visions over common sense, and I for one still stan her for slandering StarClan and refusing to accept Mistystar’s bullshit banishing like everyone else. Sometimes a character is at the end of their rope and can’t manage to be 100% nice 24/7 and that’s maybe not inherently bad writing? idk just my hot take. At a certain point we all gotta reckon with the fact that our perception of most popular supporting characters in heavily colored by fanon and we can’t always get mad at the authors for not adhering to it

*The sisters magic shit is my fav worldbuilding warriors has had in AGES, I love the way it’s described and it actually feels like it adds something to this world. I love this horror imagery with the ghosts, very excited for that. 

*still won’t be thrilled if Ashfur is working alone, because his motive doesn’t make sense right now. I mean the trying to get Squilf thing, sure, whatever, but the “I will make everyone pay for what they did to me”???? cause like?? Who??? they didn’t do anything to him?? Ashfur’s grievance was very specifically JUST Squilf. He has no other cause for revenge, he had no other beef or complaints about the clans to my knowledge? The cat that killed him is dead, and she’s like, the only other one that I could see as having “wronged” him?? I guess he also didn’t like Firestar much according to Graystripe’s Vow (and on account of how willing he was to kill him w/ Hawkfrost) but Firestar is ALSO dead. I don’t understand his angle. Will have to see last 2 books to judge i suppose.

*All in all I am interested to see where this is going!! but also the pacing as I feared is becoming a major issue. It’s better then ending the main conflict on book 3 like Vision of Shadows did, but omg. Hardly anything happened in all these pages. I realized I was over half way through and nothing about the situation had actually CHANGED or advanced at all in all that time. Similar to the past 2 books which I believe could have been combined, this plot felt like it should have been the first half of a book. Discussing whether or not to kill the imposter isn’t much of a standalone plot, it’s just the set up to a plot. Finding the sisters didn’t need to be a whole long thing, the debates about the Imposters fate didn’t need to be repeated 10 times, all those chapters illustrating that “Shadowsight is sad” were also drawn out, repetitive, and interchangeable, we probably only needed 2 or so chapters showing his struggles to get the necessary information across. It felt like a lot of padding, it was really slow and I did a lot of skimming. I am still very interested in the overarching plot and mystery behind the ghosts so that kept me reading but man this “will they won’t they kill him” plot did not justify it’s own whole book. Alas this is a persisting issue that will never be resolved while they continue to force 6 books into 1 series that doesn’t need 6 books. I’m sure the writers are doing the best they can with these unfortunate constraints but still, it’s a wonder this slow padding isn’t more of a detriment to their younger readers that the books are supposed to be marketed to.

[lets-get-kraken-boys]

MHA Headcanon: Being Apart of Both The Baku + Deku Squads

(Description: Wow! I’m so happy with the amount of praise my FatGum fic has gotten! I cannot thank you guys enough for over 100 likes/reblogs, you all mean the world to me. This idea struck me in the dead of the night and I just had to write it down. Love you!)

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Requester: No One!

Reader Gender: Gender Neutral (They/Them)

Style of Story: Headcanon(s) // Just some funny ideas I had. Nothing extremely romantic about this one, unless you count Denki’s insatiable flirting attempts as romance!

Word Count: 2.7K Words

WARNING(s): None, just a few cuss words here and there.

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DekuSquad

Meeting

You were more than likely an OG of this group (with Deku, Uraraka, and Iida alongside you) and became fast friends on the first day of school together

You went to class early on the first day at UA (which was unusual for you since sleep is high on your priority list), but you wanted to make a good impression on the staff and meet potential new friends or allies in your career

You got there before most, sat in your designated seat, and people watched the unfamiliar faces in the classroom, trying to get a feel of the energy the kids presented. Not long after you sat down did a scene already break out between a stiff, but kind-looking bluenette who shouted orders at an aggressive blonde with spiky hair. They bickered for a bit, it was eventually calmed down by the teacher, but you noticed a few people at the doorway having a conversation

A brown haired girl and a green haired boy who looked like he was about to die from blushing too hard were standing near the door with the bluenette from earlier. They were all smiling so wide and all had such different personalities that it made you smile, deciphering in your head that there was no way you were leaving this school today without saying ‘hi’ them

Eventually, over the course of the school day (before the whole incident with the fake expulsion) you introduced yourself to the three, and you being the sweet cutie you are, were quickly accepted into the trio as one of them

And the rest is pretty much history! All of you became besties from that point on, dragging Tsu, Momo, and a reluctant Todoroki (at first) into the whirlwind that is your friend group!

What Do They Think Of You Personally

Deku: You’re one of his best friends, he can trust you with pretty much anything. He even considers telling you about One For All once, but sadly that is too big of a secret to tell (for now), but he’ll tell you basically anything else! Learning about your quirk, your goals and dreams, and just plain talking with you always puts him at ease. You help him with his life problems and stressors, even when he’s mumbling away and overthinking you give him a moment to let him get all of his thoughts out instead of interrupting him. He hopes to be heroes with you to the very end, never forget that!

Uraraka: She absolutely adores you! Smart, funny, sweet, you’re the whole package. You’re trustworthy and the drive you have in life keeps her motivated to be a hero with you. You help each other out, she values this friendship more than some others. She feels she can go to you for anything, she only hopes that you feel the same way with her because she has no doubt in her mind that she will go to hell and back for you.

Iida: For awhile he didn’t understand why Midoriya and Uraraka liked you so much. Don’t get me wrong, he found you fun to hang out with and nice, but he never really saw why they blindly trusted you. That is, until you came to visit Izuku, Shoto, and him in the hospital the weekend after the Hosu/Stain (but you don’t know about the villain) incident. You wished for them to get better, gave each of them a handwritten card and baked goods before leaving to get back to UA, parting with a wide smile and hugs for them all. He finally fully sees your kind nature and the open honesty you give to everyone, and is ready to be a hero with you for as long as you deem necessary. The kindness you gave him that day affected him more than you will ever know, as you helped him see past his plot of revenge and strive to be a hero not to hurt others but to change the world so tragedies like this never happen again.

Tsu: She noticed early on how you always brighten a room whenever you’re there, so she (along with many others) were drawn to that warmth. She appreciates your understanding and forgiving attitude, she feels like she doesn’t have to hide or be ashamed of who she is around you. The USJ incident really made her think about how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken away, so she is grateful that someone as generous as you decided to be friends with her and the rest of the DekuSquad.

Todoroki: Apprehensive of you at first (like he was with everyone), but after you showed your loyalty and dedication to not your work but your friendships, he wants to get to know you better. It’ll take awhile to get past his cold exterior, but if you stay he’ll consider you one of his greatest allies. Plus, you can teach him how to open up to others and learn to love again, who wouldn’t want to help Shoto?

Momo: She knows she’s smart so she’s more than happy to help you with school work (if you need it, that is). The first time she knew she could fully trust you is when Mineta was perving about her hero uniform and tried to inappropriately touch her, but you grabbed and punted him at least 50 yards into the distance while screaming, “Women's rights, perv!” and ever since that day you’ve been her knight in shining armour. She always thinks about inviting you as her guest first when she has to attend fancy dinners/parties with her parents. She appreciates all your help with protecting her and the other girls in Class 1-A, but also a great friend. If you ever need anything, she’ll be there first to help!

Hanging Out / Having Fun / Random Things

Group. Study. SESSIONS! Seriously. You have some of the smartest people in Class 1-A in the DekuSquad with you, if you don't use that knowledge to your benefit, I’ma slap you. They’re always willing to help one another out, no matter how immense the problem.

Mario Kart, Apples to Apples, even Hide-And-Seek (in and outside the dorms), everything is on the table for Group Game Night (and, yes, Group Game Night is a weekly event)

You train with Deku, Todoroki, and even Uraraka sometimes on the weekends and HOE BOI, you haven’t felt true envy until you jokingly test to see if a cutsie green-haired 16 year old can bench your entire body and feel your soul die as he actually lifts you up and over his head with ease

Your noodle arms could never. You just want to be sTRONG!!! (I feel that)

You cannot make a self deprecating joke in front of them. Ever. Even if you THINK about making one, you will be sat down on a comfy chair, given a glass of milk and a cookie, and counseled on your emotions and well being until the dorm’s curfew

They just love and care about you. Why can’t you see yourself the way they do? (K, I made myself cry with that one.)

Anyways, it’s wholesome, cinnamon roll energy 24/7. Finally, the serotonin we all need.

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BakuSquad

Meeting

You’re a little late getting into the BakuSquad, but you get there eventually!

You, Mina, and Kirishima are paired up for a group project in the middle of the year. Sad that you can’t be with your normal friend group in this project, you try to look on the bright side and enjoy their company.

You three end up having way too much fun. Opting to, instead of doing the homework, end up playing video games with Kirishima, Mina, and a flirty blonde named Kaminari, hanging upside down on the ceiling with the smiley blacknette, Sero, pretending to be “Spiderman” while relaxing with the spunky Jiro, and eventually getting caught by the angry blonde from the first day of school named Bakugou, who forces the three of you to sit down and finally get the work done before it was too late, but even that was fun!

Later that weekend, you all plan to meet up at the mall (Bakugou being dragged along by Kirishima) and hang. You ended up running around the different floors laughing like maniacs, getting way too many sugar highs from eating too much candy, somehow end up in a Taco Bell parking lot at 1AM screaming “Bohemian Rhapsody” to the moon while drinking Baja Blasts together, and having to sneak back into the dorms carrying a derpy Kaminari carefully inside because he blew out his power trying to impress you with a flirty pickup line.

You stumbled into your dorm after hearing a quick, “Night, (Y/N)!” from Kirishima since he had kindly walked you to your room to make sure you got back okay, and took a deep breath in while leaning against the door. You walked to your bathroom mirror and looked at your frizzled hair, colorful stained lips from the candy you’d eaten, the empty Baja Blast cup in your hand that you had used as a microphone, and smiled. You have got to stay friends with these idiots.

And that you did, the crazy BakuSquad has a new member!

What Do They Think Of You Personally

Bakugou: I’ll just say this, it takes guts to befriend a person like him, and he knows it, so he pretends to hate you and your determination to stay by his side (as he does with most people) for the LONGEST time. It takes him years to show you his softer sides, but when he does break down those barriers for you it’s well worth the wait. After that, he trusts you with his life, and him with yours. He hates to admit it because he has seen the crazy in you around the others, but you are caring and would take all the time in the world to listen to his or anyone else's problems. He knows you’ve seen the tough things in life and he respects you for it. You’ll be a strong hero, just not better than him!

Kirishima: Honestly after meeting the BakuSquad and now you, his self esteem has never been higher! He was struggling for the longest time with self doubt but after befriending all of you he knows that he finally has a place in this world and people who care about him for more than his quirk. You give him an even bigger reason to keep striving to be a hero, if he can meet amazing people like you in his career path then he never wants to leave. He sees that project as one of the best things that has ever come out of school!

Denki: Definitely tries (and fails miserably) to score a date with you an ungodly amount of times. He can’t help it, you’re so pretty and nice and if you were his significant other he’d be over the moon. If you’re not comfortable with his flirting, he will eventually lay off, but that won’t stop him from daydreaming of being with you. Fate or not, meeting you feels like a dream, and with you being kind to literally everyone around you, it would have been impossible for him to resist being friends with you either way. He loves you and admires your strength as a hero, you’re both gonna go far together.

Mina: She feels that getting paired together for that project was destiny in the works! You make everyone so happy and she feels blessed that she can help you learn how to let loose and go with the flow. You two have an infinite amount of gossip supply, the tea is never not hot or empty. You both have some righteous dirt (but you’re both nice enough to not cause chaos within UA, so it stays on the ground).

Sero: The life the BakuSquad gained from you joining is indescribable. You are like the cool parental figure who turned into a thrill junkie, and seeing that transformation was absolutely hilarious. He enjoys your company, where the room can be filled with noise or dead silent but still be comfortable, he lives to find those people. Plus, being non-judgmental means that he’ll open up to you about more than what others see. 10/10, you two vibe together.

Jiro: Best buddies. You fight alongside her in defending the women of UA from pervs, so that is already a huge gain. She loves sharing her music taste with you and you with her, you’ve opened up her tastes far more than she ever imagined (because of you she listens to the catcher pop songs more now than just straight punk 24/7, good for you!) Your opinion is one of the few she won’t brush off, so she’ll listen to what you have to say too.

Hanging Out / Having Fun / Random Things

The chaotic, feral energy you guys have is something else, my dude. Just thinking about it gives me shivers (I pray for Aizawa sometimes).

Intense battles of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, Just Dance, and Cards Against Humanity every weekend (Bakugou always wins because he gets all the nastiest/funniest cards)

Who you are with the DekuSquad (calm, careful, collected) gets YEETED away when the BakuSquad comes into play. You go batshit, and it feels good! Like, you’re still kind and caring, but you add a dash of crazy in there when Kaminari starts bumping the Crazy Frog song, so you finally decide it’s okay to let loose with them. It’s a full on identity crisis if I’ve ever seen one.

But don’t be mistaken, if ever someone in the squad needs help or is hurt in any way, you’re all over it. You’ll counsel, hug, and/or kill whoever you need to make sure your friends are okay (and vice-versa with everyone else too)

You sometimes train with Bakugou and Kirishima after school. It’s tough, so you don’t do it often, but when you do you never leave feeling you could have put in more effort. Bakugou’s taunts and Kiri’s encouraging words always compel you to give more and more, to the point of you feeling like passing out at the end.

Weird side note: Bakugou’s parents love all of you like you’re their own kids??? IDK why, but I have a feeling if he ever brought the BakuSquad (+ you) home to hang and meet his parents, they would fall in love and adopt you guys faster than Katsuki can say “DIEEE!”

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Both Groups Together

What Do They Think Of You Being In Both Groups

DekuSquad: They don’t care at all. You’re allowed to be friends with whoever you want. True, they’ll be sad when they make plans together but you can’t make it because you’ve already planned to hang with the BakuSquad and get nervous when they see your Snapchat story update that Denki got himself stuck in a trashcan trying to impress you, but that’s okay! They’ll just let you know if anything important or hilarious happens when you're gone! All in all, it’s great.

BakuSquad: They pretty much feel the same as the DekuSquad, who are they to choose who you associate yourself with, but Bakugou is still pissed to this day that you cannot/will not pick a “side”. He honestly sees it as a test, if he can make you officially be in the BakuSquad and not hang out with those “extras” anymore, then he beats Deku in yet another thing. He’ll eventually come to terms with the fact that your friendships and feelings aren’t a game, but he’ll still keep it a personal goal to try and make his group more enjoyable to be around so you potentially be on only his side. The rest of them don’t view you as property to be owned, your life is your life!

Both Hanging Out: Getting Bakugou to chill with “losers” who aren’t his own team is extremely difficult. He doesn’t play nice with others, even sometimes his own squad! But everyone else enjoys the opposite squad’s vibe, so if you guys wanted to have a group movie night or just a massive hang out, everyone would be down! Get ready for countless nights of gossiping with the girls and playing pranks on other students with the boys (and maybe running away from a furious Aizawa)!

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~ THE END! ~

[otherworldseekers]

100 Romantic Lyric Prompts from my Jazz Playlist

Just something I decided to put together for fun and because I listen to too much Sinatra. I’m going to type these up in a prose format instead of a lyric format to save space and make it neater. These are intended for general inspiration so don’t let pronouns or exact wording hold you back!

1. I’ve got you deep in the heart of me. So deep in my heart that you’re really a part of me. 

2. And that laugh that wrinkles your nose touches my foolish heart. 

3. All summer long we sang a song and then we strolled that golden sand. Two sweethearts and the summer wind. 

4. If the sandman brought me dreams of you, I’d want to sleep my whole life through. 

5. So I’m the guy who turned out a lover. Yes, I’m the guy who laughed at those blue diamond rings. Just one of those things. 

6. Unrequited love’s a bore, and I’ve got it pretty bad. But for someone you adore it’s a pleasure to be sad. 

7. I know I stand in line until you think you have the time to spend an evening with me. 

8. If you want the moon I’ll bring the moon right down to you. Baby, what else can I do?

9. If they ask me, I could write a book. About the way you walk and whisper and look. 

10. Call me irresponsible. Yes, I’m unreliable. But it’s undeniably true that I’m irresponsibly mad for you. 

11. Do I want you? Oh my, do I. 

12. I’d sacrifice anything, come what might, for the sake of having you near. 

13. But I’ve got lots of plans for tomorrow and all my tomorrows belong to you. 

14. I’ll never be the same. There is such an ache in my heart. 

15. I’m through with flirting. It’s just you I’m thinking of. 

16. How could I know about love? I didn’t know about you. 

17. I know that I’ve never lived before and my heart is very sure. No one else could love you more. 

18. Dawn is nearing, time is fleeting. Mind if I make love to you?

19. Are the stars out tonight? I don’t know if it’s cloudy or bright. Cause I only have eyes for you.

20. Oh, but you’re lovely with your smile so warm and your cheeks so soft. 

21. I would work and slave the whole day through if I could hurry home to you. 

22. What a fool I am, to think my breaking heart could fool the moon. 

23. These things are dear to me, they seem to bring you near to me. 

24. If there is some other way to prove that I love you, I swear I don’t know how. 

25. And I seem to find the happiness I seek when we’re out together dancing cheek to cheek. 

26. Once I get you up there, where the air is rarified, we’ll just glide. Starry-eyed. 

27. But it wouldn’t be make believe if you believed in me. 

28. And I am once again with you, when our love was new and each kiss an inspiration. 

29. Just tea for two and two for tea. Just me for you and you for me alone. 

30. You go to my head and you linger like a haunting refrain. 

31. Birds do it. Bees do. Even educated fleas do it. Let’s do it, let’s fall in love. 

32. Please remember I still want you and in case you wonder why... 

33. With each word your tenderness grows, tearing my fear apart.

34. The kiss in your eyes, the touch of your hand makes me weak. And my heart may grow very dizzy and fall. 

35. I saw them all. Just couldn’t fall til we met. 

36. When an irresistible force, such as you, meets and old immovable object, like me... 

37. Look at yourself. Do you still believe the rumor that romance is simply grand?

38. I never mind the rain from the sky if I can find the sun in your eyes. 

39. My head keeps spinning. I go to sleep and keep grinning. 

40. What are your charms for? What are my arms for? Use your imagination.

41. In other words, hold my hand. In other words, baby, kiss me. 

42. Now my heart is music. Such a simple song, singing again, the notes never end. This is where I belong. 

43. You know I can’t lie. If I say to you, ‘Baby, I love you.’ Then baby, I love you. 

44. There are many, many crazy things that will keep me loving you. 

45. I’m glad that I’m the one who found you. That’s why I’m always hanging around you. 

46. Love is all that I can give to you. Love is more than just a game for two.

47. I saw you there one wonderful day. You took my heart and you threw it away. 

48. You’d be so easy to love. So easy to idolize. All others, above. 

49. Good things come to those who wait. So just relax and wait for fate.

50. My life will be in your keeping, waking, sleeping, laughing, weeping. 

51. We’ve only tasted the wine, we’re gonna drain the cup dry. 

52. In your arms, I know for once in my life, I’m living. 

53. Don’t go nowhere. What do I care? Your kisses are worth waiting for, believe me. 

54. Sometimes I love you, sometimes I hate you. But when I hate you, it’s cause I love you. 

55. As long as I’ve got arms that cling at all, it’s you they’ll be clinging to.

56. I never knew the technique of kissing. I never knew the thrill I could get from your touch. 

57. You won’t really fall in love cause you can’t take the chance. So be honest with yourself, don’t try to fake romance. 

58. The Autumn wind, and the Winter winds, they have come and gone. And still the days, those lonely days, they go on and on. 

59. If your heart, it never could yield to me. Then I’d rather have nothing at all. 

60. For nobody else gave me a thrill. With all your faults, I love you still. 

61. And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like ‘I love you’. 

62. When an irrepressible smile such as yours warms an old implacable heart such as mine...

63. I’ve forgotten you, just like I should. Of course I have. 

64. The very thought of you and I forget to do the little ordinary things that everyone ought to do. 

65. You went away and my heart when with you. 

66. There’s a smile on my face for the whole human race. Why it’s almost like being in love. 

67. If they made me a king, I’d be but a slave to you. 

68. Sitting all day without holding my baby makes me so blue and sad. 

69. How lucky can one guy be? I kissed her and she kissed me.

70. I’ll be holding you so near you may here all the angels cheer because we’re together. 

71. But now that your lips are burning mine, I’m beginning to see the light. 

72. So tell me, why should it be true that I get a kick out of you?

73. You are all I long for, worship and adore. 

74. I got starlight, I got sweet dreams. I got my man, who could ask for anything more?

75. Better fish are in the sea, is not the theory for me. 

76. If you’ll let me, I’ll endeavor to persuade you I’m your party for two. 

77. So worth the yearning for, so swell to keep every home fire burning for. 

78. Baby, don’t you know I love you so? Can’t you feel it when we touch?

79. And the simple secret of the plot is just to tell them that I love you, a lot. 

80. Only you have that magic technique. When we sway, I grow weak. 

81. You are here, so am I. Maybe millions of people go by. But they all disappear from view. 

82. Well, I’m not too clever. I just adore you. 

83. He’s a fool and don’t I know it. But a fool can have his charms. 

84. There’s a somebody I’m longing to see. I hope that she turns out to be someone who’ll watch over me. 

85. In a restless world, like this is, love is ended before it’s begun. 

86. It’s very clear. Our love is here to stay, but forever and a day. 

87. When you put your arms around me, I get a fever that’s so hard to bear. 

88. Longer than always is a long, long time. But far beyond forever, you’ll be mine. 

89. Then you came and caused a spark that’s a four alarm fire now. 

90. Somewhere, somehow, someone’s gotta be kissed. 

91. The cigarettes you light one after another won’t help you forget her and the way that you love her. 

92. You’ll never know how slow the moments go till I’m near to you. 

93. But when I saw you I knew, we got together like a wink and a smile. 

94. Couldn’t sleep, wouldn’t sleep. When love came and told me I shouldn’t sleep. 

95. We may never meet again on that bumpy road to love. Still, I’ll always, always keep the memory of...

96. I light up when you call my name and you know I’m gonna treat you right. 

97. And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too, is when I fall in love with you. 

98. She takes Winter and makes it Summer. And Summer could take some lessons from her.

99. Those fingers in my hair, that sly come-hither stare that strips my conscience bare... It’s Witchcraft. 

100. That’s why, darling, it’s incredible that someone so unforgettable, thinks that I am unforgettable too. 

[alovevigilante]

George Carlin: well, Kari, long time no speak! How goes it?

Kari: could be better.

George: what’s up?

Kari: well, I’m tired.

George: of what?

Karl: not sure. Just an extended sense of ennui.

George: usually when you’re bored or tired, it’s an indication of a resistance to something. Any idea what that could be?

Kari: life?

George: maybe, but let’s talk for a minute. How’s your social life these days?

Kari: virtual, and mostly non existent. I feel, judged, and horribly misunderstood. I just feel like people think pretty poorly of me, not quite sure why.

George: are you positive of that fact?

Kari: no, but I can usually tell by their actions. You know, non responsive, or short with me, or calling me a nazi, that kind of thing.

George: yes, that does sound, unusual.

Kari: well, I feel like there’s one main person responsible for all this, and it’s me. All I know is that because of all of these weird occurrences with people as of the last 6 months, I’m upset, and have lost about 87% of the people I used to associate with. And the other 13% I’m looking at suspiciously. So, yeah, it hasn’t been great.

George: Kari, you know we love you, right?

Kari: we?

George: yes, the people who truly do. So why are you creating issues where there are none.

Kari: see, that’s just the thing. There’s a huge issue.

George: and what’s that?

Kari: I have changed.

George: how so?

Kari: I guess I can explain it this way, the things I tolerated before, I can no longer. It’s as simple as that.

George: can you give me an example?

Kari: no.

George: ok, how am I supposed to help you if you clam up like this?

Kari: well, you are a higher version of myself repped by the late george Carlin, so technically you should have all the answers since they’re inside of me. So, I’m ready. Solve me, please.

George: oh man... listen Keillor, you are a mess, you know that?

Karl: yes, that’s why we’re talking.

George: the perception you have of the people you associate with may not be accurate to the intention they have toward you. Have you ever stopped to think that they are reacting to your new energy?

Kari: yeah, well, could be. I understand that I’m holding some mixed vibes, and that can be confusing, but the majority of my new energy is love. I feel like people think I’m faking it, or being narcissistic or passive aggressive. I’m absolutely not. I’ve just also included love and respect for myself in the equation now. I neglected it before. I allowed other’s opinions of what I should be like or do with myself to over run my life. Like there was something wrong with me because others disagreed or didn’t approve. I’m not having that anymore. Now I’m trying to be honest and genuine to myself and others too. And instead of placating and allowing what I deem as unkind treatment, I leave. I’m still hurt from the bizarre of the past, and yes, upset. And weirdness keeps persisting, because I’m still upset about it, I suppose.

George: and maybe because you focus on it?

Kari: perhaps.

George: ok, well, how do you know it’s you? Maybe others have things going on that you don’t know about.

Kari: true, but even so, it still doesn’t feel right, or good.

George: the way out, is through. Have you gone through?

Kari: through what?

George: have you discussed this with anyone?

Kari: slightly. It’s just that, people aren’t dumb. Ok? They know what they’re doing as they do it. I’m just not into feeling, so isolated I guess. Or I am, cause now I hide at home and dread leaving my house.

George: right. Can you at least tell me what has gotten you to this point?

Kari: well, I think to make nice, I have allowed myself to be, treated unkindly sometimes in the past. And by that I mean I have allowed them to voice their distaste for me, and the way I think and do, without sticking up for myself. They felt fully comfortable telling me what they thought about me, and in doing so I didn’t feel supported or cared for by them. Now, i am done with that. And I also don’t feel accepted by people for being me. I think that’s the crux of it, really.

George: ok, a beginning. So, you don’t feel like people are comfortable with you.

Kari: that’s the sense I get, yes.

George: do you think that your perceived POV has anything to do with it?

Kari: probably. I’m just too tired to fight. I feel if people really cared there would be a mutual understanding of kindness, and well, effort.

George: Kari, the effort you make in relationships isn’t always going to be reciprocated. So now what?

Kari: well, I’m fine with 80/20 sometimes, me being the 80, but when it’s all the time, it gets to the point where I have to wonder, why I’m in it at all.

George: right. So, instead of talking honestly about it, you split, right?

Kari: with some, yes. I’m not into ridicule, especially at my expense, ever. It’s just not my sense of humor. And well, I feel like people know what they’re choosing to say and do before they say and do it, so, I leave, out of respect for their dislike of me, and respect for myself, because I don’t appreciate that behavior.

George: yes. I can see that you are pleasing the people greatly by never speaking to them again.

Kari: well, to me it’s about respect, and investment. Half of the people felt they can rip on me to my face, and the others I feel tolerate my existence, but aren’t too gung ho about me and my ways in a general sense, and it comes out in some slightly irregular ways, so why feed into the charade? If I’m not respected or regarded well, it’s fine, but I won’t beg for proper treatment. It’s just an old dynamic that needs to be eradicated, that’s all. Some people will be willing, and some won’t be.

George: seems like you have it all figured out.

Karl: well, I thought I did, but I don’t. Now, I’ve told myself that I can focus myself out of it, but it’s hard, cause as you can clearly see, it still bothers me. And I’m internalizing my perceived hate from others and not treating myself well in the process.

George: yes. Very honest. So, I have an honest question for you.

Kari: shoot.

George: why aren’t you happy? They’re gone, no?

Kari: no. Because I keep reactivating the situations in my head over and over, yielding the same bad, sad, lonely feelings over and over.

George: right. Hey, kar, listen, I heard your son talking about how excited he is for Christmas this year. How’s that feeling?

Kari: I love it. It’s been so hard being at home for him 24/7 with the worlds events, but we have the house decorated, and he still loves Santa, so that’s sweet, and I love seeing him so excited and happy...

George: right. Listen, the holidays tend to shed a light on the harder relationships sometimes, and by that I mean with yourself and your feelings and your thoughts. People want things to be picture perfect. Life just isn’t, but if it is, you’re a lucky bastard. Ya see, Kari, being happy is a choice, and when you decide to focus on all the people who aren’t or haven’t treated you kindly thats pretty much all you’ll notice in your life. You’ll always feel misunderstood and slighted. You get me?

Kari: yeah, I do.

George: so go forth and have a great holiday with your family. And with everyone else, focus on where you guys do meet in agreement, ok? The fact that you all really love one another. Or, if they don’t love you, you can agree that you’re all human, and let the hard feelings go cause you’ll be the one holding them. Sound good?

Kari: yeah, thanks George. I appreciate the chat, and you.

George: hey, listen, it’s why you conjur me up in your head. Otherwise I’d be floating around or whatever the heck you think I’m doing, dead.

Kari: yeah. Ok. Talk to you later George.

George: if you remember to think of me, we definitely will.

Scene. ❤️

[avmisworld]

Jungkook as your boyfriend:

●     Y'all know Jungkook is MAJOR bf material

●     The cutest bean uwu

●     At the start of your relationship he was probably a bit awkward

●     The poor guy is so inexperienced he forgot what it's like talking to a girl who isn't doing his makeup lol

●     Is scared to do something you won't like so he's always really careful with his words and actions

●     Eventually he'll ease into it and become the shameless loving crackhead you know today

●     But sometimes he'll still get a little shy

●     Whenever he says something too cheesy or makes a cute mistake or you compliment him

●     Always has the cutest bunny smile during these moments

●     Always puts your needs before his own

●     If you're a foreigner, he'll spend hours learning your native language

●     Even though you know Korean and you have no problem communicating uwu

●     Makes sure you're eating well and sleeping enough

●     Even when he's on diets and sleeps two hours a day max :(

●     Always insists to help you even if you don't need it

●     "Y/N, let me help you"

●     "Babe, I'm combing my hair..?"

●     Is always ready to tell you how amazing and beautiful you are whenever you get insecure about your body and talents :'(

●     Is legitimately confused why you would ever be insecure in the first place

●     When he is insecure tho

●     You just tell him the harsh truth

●     That he's the world's cutest, most talented and golden bunny, and he's precious to ARMY and to his members uwu

●     Tells you he loves you at least a hundred times a day just to see you blush and avoid his eyes cutely

●     His favorite thing is making you laugh

●     Loves it when you make him laugh as well

●     He's an hilarious person so he doesn't have to try much to succeed

●     Loves to make funny faces at you during one of your fake-serious banters

●     You two have a shit ton of private jokes (wtf is funny about a plastic cup????)

●     You live on sending each other memes and stupid videos of people falling down stairs lmfao

●     You two are severe crackheads oof

●     It's very likely to find the two of you awake at 3 am having a dance party or karaoke after too much wine

●     Constantly having tickle fights, wrestling matches, pillow fights, what not

●     Do not forget that JK is a savage little shit

●     And that doesn't change because you are his girlfriend *sigh*

●     Teases you about everything and anything

●     Places things high up on purpose just so he can show up later with his chest puffed out and take it down for you with a smirk

●     "Did I hear a damsel in distress?"

●     But makes sure not to take it too far uwu

●     This kid is competitive af omg

●     A relationship with him means turning everything into some race or bet

●     "I bet I can finish this hot dog faster than you"

●     "Whoever brushes their teeth faster gets to shower first!"

●     You see this a lot when the two of you game as well

●     There is no way you can date Jeon Jungkook without playing Overwatch at least once lol

●     Video game tournaments

●     He wins most of the time but if he'll ever lose it's because he let you smh

●     Is competitive also when it comes to other people

●     Always has to prove to you that he's the best and that you made the right choice dating him

●     Like you would ever doubt that pffft

●     Whenever someone impresses you Jungkook would just jump out and be like

●     "That's pretty cool, but did you see the new move I learned?" *breaks neck*

●     Going to a fun fair would just be you going back home with a truckload of plushies from Jungkook winning in all the booths kfkfkd

●     Dates with him are so cute and fun

●     He loves taking you out sm

●     It doesn't matter if it's movie night, ramen dates, dinner dates, lunch dates, beach dates, amusement park dates, coffee dates, workout dates, study dates, ice-skating dates

●     Jungkook's inner child always comes out with you

●     Probably because he never really got the time to be a real child :(

●     You're the only person aside from his members and family who gets to see the real him

●     He's so whipped for you

●     Literal heart eyes

●     Can't stop staring at you with twinkling eyes and a wide bunny smile

●     When you catch him he'll look away and blush but he'll feel satisfied when he sees you blush as well uwu

●     He finds everything you do adorable and can't help but send you bashful laughs and affectionate gazes

●     even if he won't admit it kkk

●     Compliments you all the time

●     Compliments about your looks, your outfits, your smallest, most insignificant achievements uwu

●     Always notices the small things about you that no one else does

●     "Wow, Y/N, these new earrings look so good on you, babe"

●     Basically Jungkook loves to spoil you hehe

●     Buys you presents all the damn time

●     You don't encourage him to do so because you hate feeling like he's your sugar daddy or smth and you aren't with him from his money

●     But he just can't help it when he sees something he knows you'll like

●     Spends more time shopping for you than for himself

●     But it's all worth the gleam of excitement in your eyes when you see his presents

●     Even if you playfully slap him and pout

●     "I told you to stop wasting money on me!"

●     Also makes you his own personal presents uwu

●     Usually gives you them before he goes on tour to cheer you up

●     Anything from portraits of you he drew secretly, to paintings of beautiful landscapes, to songs he wrote for you, to a collage of pictures you took of you

●     Jungkook loves taking pictures and videos of you

●     Takes snaps of you secretly cause he knows you're shy uwu

●     His camera roll and gallery is entirely filled with pictures of you sleeping, eating, laughing, smiling, staring, talking, etc…

●     Plus cute selfies and candid shots of the two of you with huge grins and arms wrapped around each other

●     And memey selfies of the two of you that you would literally bury yourself if anyone would find lol

●     Also has little, random videos of you just scrolling on your phone or something

●     "Y/N, look at mee~~"

●     It's really hard when Jungkook leaves for tour for both of you

●     Late night video calls almost every day

●     Even when Kook is after a concert, with his eyelids sticking to each other like glue π-π

●     Calls you half asleep and the two of you just talk about meaningless stuff until one of you falls asleep uwu

●     Sends you snaps all day of him and the guys and everything they're doing

●     Does it so you'll see he's having fun and staying healthy

●     Wants you to do the same so you send him selfies of you and your boring university lifestyle

●     He insists that he finds it interesting and that he wants to see your face

●     "I can't be deprived of touching you and seeing you! It's too much."

●     Doesn't answer texts ever so you mostly communicate through phone/video calls and snaps/memes

●     When he comes back from tour you wait for him at the airport

●     His face lights up when he sees you and he smiles so wide π-π

●     No matter how exhausted he is he runs to you like a lighting bolt

●     Hugs you tightly and twirls you around while the other members watch fondly

●     One of the few times he'll agree to so much PDA

●     Usually he doesn't really like being too touchy in public

●     But he always holds your hand just to make sure you're next to him, safe and sound uwu

●     Brings you so much souvenirs from his trip abroad to make you feel like you were there with him

●     Snow globes, magnets, clothes, key chains, plushies…

●     All of it to remind you he thought about you every single day he was away

●     When you're together you're so domestic

●     If it's making food together, Jungkook teaching you BTS' newest choreo, working out, or even cleaning the house together

●     Nothing's boring with Jungkook

●     He's a whole different person when you're alone

●     Calls you sweet nicknames like "baby", "babe", "jagi", "princess" and "angel"

●     He's singing all day so it feels like your constantly stuck in "The Greatest Showman"

●     But you can't really complain cause Gukkie's sweet honey voice is your favourite thing to hear

●     Sometimes he'll talk to you in songs only to piss you off

●     But most of the time he'll sing to you when you can't sleep or when you feel sad or sick

●     He'll comb his hands through your hair gently while he sings to you softly *heart-attack*

●     Picks you up all the time

●     It might be because he loves to prove that he's strong enough to protect you and cherish you

●     But also because he loves hearing your shrieks of surprise and soft laughter

●     Piggybacks on the street, carrying you bridal style around the house, lifting you up like a baby in his arms when you playfully fight and twirling you around

●     Just all the time really

●     "Okay, okay, I'm sorry~~ Please let me down"

●     Because you live together when he's in Korea you're always stealing his clothes

●     He pretends to not like it and demands you to give it back to him

●     But if you're ever cold or in the need of some clothing he'll be the first to throw you his wardrobe

●     His slightly possessive nature feeds off seeing you all small and soft in his clothes

●     It probably turns him on tbh

●     Because of this he has a big thing for couple items as well

●     Whether it's outfits, phone cases, lockscreens, accessories, and eventually jewelry (like promise rings uwu)

●     Brags about you to the members 24/7

●     "Look at this picture I took of Y/N when she wasn't looking! Isn't she the prettiest?"

●     "Hyung, did you hear that Y/N was voted for best student in her class? Wah, I was really so impressed! She's a genius."

●     The members high-key tease him for it and say it's annoying

●     But they secretly think it's adorable how happy you make him and adore you so much for it fr

●     You getting along with the rest of the members so well makes Jungkook really happy

●     Even though he might get too protective sometimes

●     Gets jealous often and is horrible at hiding it despite not saying it directly smh

●     Watches from afar when you laugh at something Taehyung says, pinching his cheek lightly

●     His eyebrows are furrowed and he's tonguing his cheek like he always does when he's jealous

●     Eventually he has enough and comes over to you

●     Pecks your cheek or pulls you to sit in his lap and tells everyone about the date you have planned for tomorrow

●     "So, me and Y/N are planning to go to a picnic tomorrow at Han river…"

●     And you're trying so hard not to smile cause he's just being so obvious and you find it cute

●     A few time his jealousy leads to fights tho

●     Fighting with Jungkook in general is a rare occurrence

●     But when you do fight it can get pretty bad

●     Rather than shouting or losing his temper, Jungkook tends to shut himself off when the fight is serious

●     He stays quiet and talks only when it's necessary

●     "Whatever" "Do what you want"

●     It's mostly because he's afraid to say something he'll regret later

●     He'll probably leave the apartment and go to the gym/studio/dorm room to calm down and clear his head

●     Because both of you have big egos, it might take a few days to make up

●     If Jungkook's at fault, he will eventually swallow his pride and apologize to you

●     If it were the other way around tho

●     You're not going to hear a word from him until you admit you were at fault

●     No matter how much it'll hurt him to be away from you

●     Even after the fight is over it might take a little time for things to go back to how they were

●     Because Jungkook's pride and insecurities might get in the way of him approaching you

●     But with enough patience you'll be back to being the inseparable couple you were before

●     In case you think I forgot

●     Skinship is a must in your relationship

●     Jungkook loves to cuddle with you

●     He's always the big spoon, with his hands underneath your (his) shirt, just gently caressing the skin of your stomach and hips

●     Or with you laying on top of his chest, legs tangled together

●     A lot of times cuddling leads to heated make out sessions and even more

●     When he's troubled or exhausted he likes to nuzzle his head in the junction between your shoulder and neck and just breathe you in

●     Tight hugs when you see each other after a while with his hands pressing your face to his chest protectively

●     Back hugs are a must obviously

●     Creeps up behind you when you're working and scares the frick out of you when he wraps his arms around your waist

●     Loves forehead kisses because it's another opportunity to boast about how tall he is smh

●     Also cheek kisses, nose kisses, ear kisses, neck kisses, knuckle kisses and lip kisses ofc lol

●     Kisses you out of the blue and then pretends like nothing happened

●     "Sorry, I couldn't help it"

●     Lots of sweet, soft, loving kisses uwu

●     Has a thing for nibbling/biting you (mostly your earlobe/bottom lip/fingers)

●     Loves giving hickeys oml

●     It fits his possessive nature perfectly

●     The more people know you belong to him, the better

●     Loves when you sit in his lap skdjd

●     He wraps his arms around your stomach and pulls you closer so he can place his chin on your shoulder, occasionally leaving butterfly kisses all over your neck and shoulders

●     Also into cuter things like poking your cheeks when you do something cute, ruffling your hair, tickling you and pinching your cheeks and bopping your nose.

●     When it comes to bed, Jungkook is definitely a dom

●     Just like he is on stage kdkck

●     Puts your pleasure before his own and makes sure you're a 10474859% with whatever he's doing beforehand

●     Sex after a fight or after he gets jealous and needs to remind himself you're only his

●     Dirty talk ahhhh

●     He can also be soft tho

●     Like when he's making love to you omg my hearteu

●     Whispering praises and sweet words in your ear

●     Staring into your eyes with his dark, intense ones

●     Moans alot and likes it when you do too

●     Occasionally he lets you have the upper hand

●     Doesn't spend too much time on aftercare because he wants to go back to holding you as quickly as possible

●     The two of you fall asleep naked with your bodies completely tangled together

●     Also likes showering with you

●     less in a sexual way and more as another opportunity to pamper you

●     Scrubs you carefully and puts shampoo for you

●     Uses soap foam to grow you a fake beard this boi srsly

●     Basically he loves you like no one else and you're destined to be

●     The best boi there is <3

[wonderlandleighleigh]

85 Thoughts while watching Return of the Jedi

1. THE HELMETS ARE DUMB

2. I still love the idea that Stormtroopers fucking loved Vader, and all of the commanders were terrified of him. 

3. Vader helmet so shiny.

4. Back on Tatooine. It always comes back to Tatooine, doesn’t it? 

5. 3P0 was so hoping that the door wouldn’t open. He just wanted to go home. 

6. Everyone in Jabba’s palace looks really...gross. I guess that fits, right? Jabba’s palace is super gross, so.

7. I never understood as a child the slavery - and the sex slavery - aspect of Jabba’s palace. Only as an adult have I fully understood just how fucked up this is.

8. Remember kids, Luke has NO IDEA that Anakin was a Hutt slave as a child. Is there any canon stuff where he finds out about that? I’d be interested. 

9. Han’s carbonite face is so fucking dumb. 

10. Man droid torture is no joke. If that’s what they do to droids, think about what they do to people...

11. Oh god, the musical number. Like I thought it was funny when I saw it for the first time when they did the re-releases, but also, it’s this weird dissonance between that and Oola’s death. 

12. Jabba is so much creepier here than in New Hope. 

13. I love all the disguises and subterfuge in the opening storyline. And I love that they took the time to deal with Jabba and the bounty on Han’s head. It’s a nice break from the Galactic War. 

14. I remember watching this for the first time, and when Leia pulls the helmet off and is like “Someone who loves you” I was like OMG! And my shipper heart grew ten times as large.

15. Han is so...moist. Here. Blugh.

16. Ugh. God. Poor Leia. They do a good job of illustrating just how fucking terrible Jabba is, but...god dammit. 

17. Han and Chewie reunion! <3 <3 <3 

18. Luke Skywalker - Jedi Knight. Somewhere Mace Windu is looking at all of Luke’s attachments and impulsive behaviors and dry heaving. 

19. THE BIKINI IS GROSS! The only thing good about it is that Leia will eventually strangle Jabba to death while wearing it. Otherwise? Ugh.

20. Luke Skywalker. Jedi Knight. Fashion icon.

21. I always felt bad for the Rancor’s master. He loved his Rancor. And the Rancor was just as much a slave as any of the people in Jabba’s palace. It was probably only fed when there was a person Jabba wanted to kill so it would be as vicious as possible.

22. This trio is so bad-ass. 

23. Luke knows what the Sarlacc is. 

24. BANTHA HERD! 

25. Ugh. The Dune Sea is really fake-looking here.

26. R2 as waiter makes me so happy. It’s so ridiculous. 

27. “Convenient.” 

28. Anakin Skywalker would be so fucking proud of his daughter strangling Jabba the Hutt to death. It’s everything he ever wanted to do to fucking slavemasters on Tatooine. 

29. “Boba Fett. Boba Fett. WHERE?!” 

30. Per Dettiot: Luke went to Obi-Wan’s old hut on Tatooine and found the handbook to make his lighsaber, as well as some kyber crystals. What else he was up to between Empire and Jedi, I’m not sure.

31. Knee. High. Chanel. Boots. 

32. The sheer utter chaos and destruction would make Anakin Skywalker kvell*. 

33. I don’t know if Yoda considers Luke his friend. More like just another snot-nosed apprentice who will eventually disappoint him. 

34. Leave us alone, Palpatine. What a fucking pruny piece of shit. 

35. Yoda’s death is so bitter-sweet for me. I love Yoda. But he made so many mistakes in his life that he never really owned up to. I suppose he felt that his exile was his penance. But I don’t know if I agree. He could have come out of hiding to aid the Rebellion. 

36. Also, he was planning to die without coming clean to Luke about Vader. And that is some horse shit.

37. “Suffer your father’s fate.” At least he’s admitting that Anakin wasn’t solely to blame. That there was manipulation there. 

38. “I can’t go on alone.” Go find Ahsoka and Ezra! You’re not alone!! 

39. The fact that Obi-Wan truly believed that that Anakin had died and Vader took his place. 

40. Yoda and Obi-Wan never moved on from their trauma. They keep reliving their trauma and so they cannot move forward, and so they keep making the same mistakes over and over. Asking Luke to kill Vader is proof of that. 

41. And it really shows that Obi-Wan, even after his attachments to Satine and Akakin and Ahsoka - does not understand family. Luke saying “I can’t kill my father,” and Obi-Wan being like “Whelp. There’s no other way so the Emperor wins.” 

42. There being no mention of Luke and Leia’s mother ANYWHERE except for the one moment later on, drives me CRAZY. Obi-Wan could have told Luke about Padme then.

43. I love that Han and Leia can sit next to each other in a meeting and not have to have arms wrapped around each other. Just being next to each other is enough.

44. GENERAL SOLO! Leia’s face. “Excuse you, how did you suddenly get hotter?” 

45. The painted backgrounds are so beautiful. 

46. Poncho game is strong in this movie. 

47. FLY CASUAL is such a stupid line. I love it.

48. Skywalker twin exasperation is the best. Padme would be proud. 

49. Leia just going for it is so so good. 

50. I know Ewoks catch a lot of shit for...well..being Ewoks. But I love them. They’re adorable! And they have no qualms about eating humans! 

51. “My Son.” I think this is the first time Vader has referred to Luke as his son to someone who isn’t Luke, instead of the “Son of Skywalker.” 

52.  Watch as we realize that Leia has been holding the one brain cell this entire time, and Han, Luke and Chewie get totally clueless. 

53. PROPER. 

54. I love Ewok tree houses. 

55. Remember kids. They were planning to eat Han, Luke and Chewie. 

56. Where the hell did that dress even come from that Leia is wearing??? They just had that lying around? 

57.  I guess they ate the last woman who wore it.

58. I love that 3P0 in New Hope, claims he’s not much of a storyteller, and then in the Jedi like is like a master storyteller lol. 

59. And here, we get the only mention of Padme. And it wasn’t even Padme. It was a handmaiden. I will forever be salty that Padme isn’t mentioned at all because George didn’t think of her until the prequels. Argh.

60. Luke’s unwavering belief in Anakin is so amazing. The sequels did that part of his character so dirty. This version of Luke would never have tried to kill his nephew. 

61. “It is too late for me.”  God dammit, Anakin. The thing is that if he goes with Luke, he is admitting that everything he has done for the last twenty years is all for nothing, and he just fucking can’t do it. So much denial .So much pain. Fuck you, Vaderkin.

62. EWOK ON A SPEEDER 

63. REX! A REX SIGHTING! YES! 

64. Y’all remember that Ewok movie with the blonde child? “Star cruiser crash!!” 

65. Padme would be so proud of Luke’s fashion.

66. Wedge got promoted! Yay! 

67. I love the old Hollywood trick of shadowing the Emperor’s face except for his eyes. 

68. I just. I love that the Empire is defeated by fucking teddy bears. I know a lot of people hate it, but it’s just- it feels so karmic.  They’ve done such terrible things. And to be taken down by these fuzzy, little bastards. *chef’s kiss* 

69. Palpatine hitting in that nerve that Luke has about his attachments. About his hope. Oof.

70. The entire Vader fight is just him trying not to see how much like Padme Luke is. That’s gotta hurt. 

71. Bro. Vader. You do not want to try shit with Leia. Like. No. Fuck’s sake. Don’t try it. She’ll have all of you arrested and then executed. 

72.  Yes Luke. Thow away that lightsaber. Show that wrinky fuck who’s boss. 

73. I love that Anakin gets to make the right choice here. He does what he didn’t do with Mace. He finally realizes all the lies...all the manipulation...that he can make things different. And he does. And it rightfully costs him his life.

74. Vader couldn’t survive. Vader would have been tried for his crimes and either executed or jailed for the rest of his life. The same thing happened to Ben Solo in the sequels. He had to die. Otherwise he’d have to have a real-world ending: Prison or execution.

75. I feel so sad that Anakin became this fucking horror show of a person. It didn’t have to be this way. Fuck. 

76. “Tell your sister...you were right.” 

77. Oh Han no. No no no. 

78. No Han.

79. HAN. 

80. Han’s face when he finds out Luke is Leia’s brother is hilarious. 

81. I wish that Rex and Ahsoka had been there when Luke burned Anakin’s body. I feel like they needed to, for their own closure. And Luke would have felt like he had people who understood. Who loved and knew Anakin before all of this. 

82. AND NOW WE PARTY! 

83. Let’s eat Stormtrooper! 

84. I am SO MAD that all of this will be undone by the sequel trilogy. Ugh.

85. I want them to refilm Hayden now that he’s just about the age Anakin would have been when he died as a Force ghost. I feel like that would be really nice. 

*Kvell -  Yiddish - to be bursting with pride 

[disaster-bay-leaf]

Ok so these were the cutest~ (ㆁωㆁ)

4, 6, 7, 9, 12, 19, 22, 23, 28, 33, 34, 46, 47, 52, 59, 60, 63, 66, 83, 87, 88, 93, 99

I kno I listed like....all of them lmao but feel free to answer whichever you want and ofc you can ask me in return Baybe ( ◜‿◝ )♡

uHUHUHUHU much content for me to answer, im happy bebe 💜💜💜✨

4 - how do you take your coffee/tea?

hm coffee either Very Black No Sugar (for the sleep deprived me) or iced latte three sugars and theres no in between

and as for tea its All Black Teas That Exist, cinnamon-flavoured especially (but basically all teas that come to mind when u think “autumn”), and rooibos!!! okay basically the only oke i dont like is any type of green tea (which is sad because they look cool but my tastebuds said ✨no✨)

6 - do you keep plants?

honestly id l o v e too because i love plants but,,, im kinda horrible at taking care of them though still way better than the majority of my family (research helps) so the only plant i own is kinda a small-palm-tree-looking thing in a bigass glass jar that i saved from my mother’s plant-destructing hands and its mostly doing well (the ends of its leaves are starting to be yellow tho and im worried:((( )

7 - do you name your plants?

yes!!! though the current one was named by my sister and its called “pickett” after fantastic beasts shsjjsj

9 - do you like singing/humming to yourself?

oh god oh dude you have n o idea

i have absolutely n o singing voice but its something i do constantly to give my brain the right amount of stimuli so basically i listen to music 24/7 and hum to myself 99% of that time

12 - whats your favourite planet?

oh i actually didnt think about this for so long but either pluto (hes a planet screw nasa) or saturn (RINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) or venus (girls,,,and libra,,,)

19 - do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it?

okay im gonna be completely honest with yall and say that my every single try at keeping a journal failed spectacularly and i lost motivation after like a few months so my only journals rn are my fancy fake-leather-bound calendar to note tests and assessments into, a kinda roughed up notebook that i uses for noting down poems or scribbling or passing notes in class, and a kinda fancy bullet journal notebook that i used as a book of shadows for a while but since my fountain pen died i didnt touch it

22 - are you a morning person?

n o

i am so not a morning person but i wish i could be because honestly dawns are beautiful

but as it is rn im either sleep deprived all the time and loathe every second of being in an awake state or (if i have a few days of schoolbreak) my biological clock moves forward a few hours and i sleep 2am-10am

23 - whats your favourite thing to do on lazy days with zero obligations?

except for the fact that i dont remember the last time it happened, i would probably spend it drawing outside, watching anime with my sister and riding a bike around the forest

28 - sunrise or sunset?

i love sunrises because its so peaceful and everyone is asleep but also i subconsciously immediately correlate them with waiting for a train to take me to school (because thats basically the only time i see them) so its a bittersweet love especially with my fucked up biological clock

but sunsets are really really pretty too and i see them more often so i cant choose

33 - whats your fave pastry?

and isnt that a millior-dollar question dhsjjsjsj

either cinnamon rolls (i absolutely adore them) or that one specific type of cupcake-shaped-thing made out of shortcrust/bread/whatever its called and filled with vanilla pudding

34 - tell us about a stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

awwww this is cute

okay so basically my two favourite stuffed animals (i still have them, they sit in my wardrobe) were two teddy bears (like maybe 20cm high each of them) and one was pure brown and the other was silver-brown and they had stereotypical polish male names “Waldek” (read. Valdek) and Stefan (i think tho im not sure if i remember correctly, my memory is a feeble thing sometimes

46 - tell us the worst pun you can think of

what dog would never bite you? a hot dog *badumtss*

47 - what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

huh a year ago id say pineapple pizza but i guess i dont hate pineapples that much anymore (tho putting them on pizza is still an abomination) but i think that if id ever want to get rid of anything it would be parsley, i hate that freakin herb (does it count as food tho)

52 - what are your favourite memes of the year so far?

the ever given for sure shsjshjsjsjsjjsj

but bullying tramp stamps is gold and pure tumblr energy too

as for fandom memes: im in love with all keeping-up-with-the-todorokis variations and the fact that the entire bsd fandom looked at fukuchi and said “biTCH” and thats one of the only things we’re unanimous about

59 - whats your favourite myth?

i always liked the kora/persephone myth (though demeter is an overbearing parent to the nth power), loki and thor crossdressing at a party to get mjolnir back, atalanta because shes a queen and id politely ask her to kick my ass, and cassandra because she deserved better, and theres a l o t more because alas i was a mythology nerd but this post is long enough for me not to make this section 20 times longer sjjsjsjsjsjks

but there are a lot of slavic myths that are very cool too, though we dont know that much about them as about the greeks for example

60 - do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

o o o o h yeah i do like poetry because to create such a beautifully sounding thing with only words someone has to be a genius

some of my favs are: some works of nakahara chuuya (thank u bsd for introducing me to this man’s beautiful imagery in his works i swear to god the descriptions do it for me) (also his poem about having hangovers is a mood like i feel you buddy), the raven by ea poe (i know everyone likes it but hOLY DAMN THE INTER/INTRAVERSE RHYMES ARE LIKE,,, BREATHTAKING) (and aso im a slut for gothic horror), and many more but also That One Poem From Welcome To Nightvale about reaching the island in the west,,, only perfect vibes from it

63 - are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be?

okay heres the thing. for anyone else both my playlist library and my bookshelf would be considered pure chaos of a mad man b u t they actually have a highly focused system which means that i sort them based on their vibes, lovability and (in case of books) their age and whether or not theyre a part of a series so i would say my bookshelf is rather organised (when a quarter of it isnt occupying my desk that is) and my music is more organised than not but sometimes it gets out of control and i have to sort it entirely again

66 - what would your ideal flower crown look like?

either entirely constructed of simple white daisies, entirely constructed of only white roses, or something that probably would win a “how many different coloured flowers can one fit in a flower crown” competition

or something purple (maybe not belladonna)

83 - whats some of your favourite album art?

god i dont know if it counts but hozier’s wasteland baby is probably one of my absolute favourites and no one shall beat that

“thrifted youth” (dalynn) and “standard deviation” (danny schmidt) have very aesthetic covers too

also the iconic p!atd too weird to live, too rare to die! album cover,,, its just iconic what can i say

and last but not least matt meason’s pink-and-black album covers (though bank on the funeral is really pretty too but like,,, “who killed matt meason” d o e s it for me and so does the 2017 tribulation single)

87 - what are some movies that you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

this is such a hard question because im not a really cinematography-oriented gal but i suppose that (at the risk of not going deep enough into the cinema world):

- the princess bride

- inception

- night at the museum

- SPIRITED AWAY

- forrest gump

- truman show

- E.T. (i cried okay)

- the lord of the rings (because damn me if this isnt one impressive adaptation)

- parasite

and one more personal recommendation: “ready or not” with samara weaving because goddamn i dont usually watch this genre but holy s h i t is it good

93 - whats the hairstyle you wear the most?

honestly just plain hair down (because having curly hair is a menace), split in the middle when i have longer hair and split on one side when its short

also low ponytails or half-up-half-down when im exercising, or double french braids when my hair doesnt cooperate enough to look presentable in any other form

99 - list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them

this is difficult because my music taste is a goddamn rollercoaster on a good day, but heres some:

- me and the sky from “come from away” musical (this is sort of a test song for my mental stability, if i cry i aint stable)

- dancing after death by matt meason (okay most songs by matt meason except for like,,, hallucinogenics maybe)

- tears and rain by james blunt

- i will follow you into the dark by death cab for cutie

- almost home by mxmtoon

- anything by hozier really but shrike especially

- payphone, the cover by alex g (i cried to this song so many times)

- burning pile by mother mother (can i roast all my problems please)

- long way from home and cleopatra by the lumineers

- autoclave by the mountain goats

oooh that was c o o o o o o o l as fuck thank you sm so much bebe (and sorry for the long post @everyone else)

[goodpeachtea]

𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘, 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘪𝘥. (𝟎𝟐)

 Summary: People could say that Baby was crazy, so they could say that hell is more preferable than spending a day with her. Baby agreed. But no one could say that the girl was not a genius or that she was like everyone else. Baby Jones was special - yes, she could be a nicer special type, but anyway, special.

Couple: Spencer Reid x OC.

Words: 4.2K

Warnings: PTSD. Panic attack. Mentions of suicide, drugs, torture and kidnapping. Cigarettes. Under-age drinking.

➤ MASTERLIST.

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            (𝟎𝟐). 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖳𝖤𝖭𝖳𝖧 𝖠𝖭𝖭𝖨𝖵𝖤𝖱𝖲𝖠𝖱𝖸

   BABY’S CHRISTMAS WERE NEVER FORECASTED. This phenomenon happened because December 25th was not just what everyone celebrated as Christmas, but it was three more things: Baby Jones’ birthday, the anniversary of the death of her family, and the anniversary of the day she was kidnapped. Believe what you want, the little redhead has every right to enter a state of depression, anger and madness while it snows outside and normal children celebrate the date with their absolutely alive parents.

   That day for Jones was always a roller coaster of events. On the first anniversary of the-day-that-everything-went-wrong, in 1998, the 9-year-old, so young but so broken, tried to commit suicide. In the second, all the ideas that went through her head were homicide. In the fifth, Baby Jones caused a commotion and despair by fleeing the Sunshine Orphanage to visit 19 graves in Washington, covering 10 miles. In the ninth, Baby ended up in the emergency by alcohol intoxication.

   The Tenth Anniversary was the current one. Honestly, Baby was really committed to the (almost) promise she made to David Rossi. She was, really. If you asked her what happened that day, she wouldn’t be able to explain. Not because she was drunk, drugged or insane. She was none of those previous things - so I don’t lie, I will say that at least she was not at the apex of any of those things. Baby was just so sad that something needed to be done. And she did. Oh, she certainly did.

   Everything could have happened. Literally, everything. Nothing was a limit for Baby Jones, especially a Baby Jones at the peak of her grief. What happened was particularly unique. Of all the scenarios that the (now) short-haired redhead could imagine, she didn’t expect to end up handcuffed in the FBI building on Christmas Day.

DECEMBER 24TH, 2007.

   Baby hated snow. Don’t come up with all that magic, beauty and blah blah blah. For Baby, almost nothing was worse than Christmas Eve and everything that involved that day - the tree, decorations, snow, music and the hated Christmas spirit. The only Jones alive made a point of trying to bring everyone down with her in those days (she didn’t try very hard, but she didn’t pretend to be happy to cheer up the rest of the kids) and of course she couldn’t, because “Christmas is such an incredible time”. In December, she just wanted to die.

– You’re so boring, Baby! – Exclaimed Max, a 7-year-old boy who also lived in the Sunshine Orphanage, nudging the older one, who sighed deeply, concentrating all her strength so as not to strangle him. – You should help us decorate the Christmas tree, we never have something like this here. It’s fun, I promise! Stop being a killjoy!

– Max, have you heard of the phrase “fuck off”?

   Baby smiled when she saw the brat’s astonished face when he heard her swear, watching him run away from her and towards one of the women who took care of the children at the Orphanage. “Denise, Baby said a bad word again!”, he shouted as the redhead rolled her eyes and muttered “blabbermouth”. Denise, a blonde woman who loved all the control she could exercise over children, gave Jones a sharp look, who showed her tongue as a naughty child - and it’s very difficult to find differences between Baby and naughty children.

– Go straight to your room. Congratulations, you just lost your dinner!

   The almost 18-year-old teenager raised her eyebrows, holding the older woman’s disapproving look at her. She got up from the couch she was on, showing the middle finger to little Max, who was laughing at the girl’s misfortune. “If you want to eat breakfast, I advise you to improve this behavior, young lady!”, the blonde said, with an angry expression. Baby J. smiled fakely at the woman as she walked up the first few steps, watching the other narrow her eyes. The girl with golden red hair went up the stairs, mumbling “bitch” as she went to her room.

   Baby slammed the door of her room hard - not to provoke the controlling blonde downstairs, but out of pure tension that agonized her head and body. She locked it quickly, closing the windows and lowering the blind, knowing that even if she smoked the smell would dissipate and no one would bother her for hours on end (besides she herself). Bored, she looked around her, watching her room for something to do.

   The teenager with hair that reminded the dawn and freckles that were golden specks on her skin arched her eyebrows as she captured an idea from her brain about what to do to pass the time. She bit her lip, carefully locking the door, listening to the sounds of plates and cutlery downstairs. She knelt beside her bed, searching with her hands for the notebook that were taped to the wood of the furniture.

   The notebook was almost a diary for her. There, the most personal things in her life were sheltered. Written in angled and spaced handwriting, there were no emotional reports about Baby’s feelings or her complaints about her day-to-day life. Those paper sheets filled messily and with determination were all about the informations on the Jones Case that could take her to a closure.

   She glanced at the digital clock nearby, dinner time being 7 pm. Jones then looked at the black-lined notebook, prepared to read the information and theories she had already memorized backwards, hoping to get something new so that everything would be cleared up before the anniversary of her family’s death. The redhead flipped through the pages with frequently used marks, more and more aggressive as the time went, the realization slowly slapping her in the face that her hands were tied and she would not be able to solve the crime that defined her life - and the death of 19 people. Baby looked at her watch again, widening her eyes and punching the floor she was sitting in frustration, noting that it was already 11 pm and the whole house was quiet and dark.

   The teenager felt a little better when she realized that the little orphan Sophie was not going to sleep in the same room with her that night, the two women who took care of all 10 children who lived in the house knowing about Baby’s dangerous historic on Christmas Day and preventing a possible accident with the little girl. Jones got up from the cold floor, beginning to feel her heart stir and her fingers that did not want to stop moving as she paced. Baby thought again about her failure with her family, the tenth anniversary that she would not be able to resolve her inner demons and offer a worthy end for her relatives. She punched the door with an adrenaline rush, no longer caring whether the noise would bother the other habitants of the residence.

   Everyone knew the rules that were not spoken. That day, don’t mess with Jones. It doesn’t matter if you are only concerned about her health or if you want to cheer her up. No. Do not try.    The nightmare that was that day started with the fact that during the 24 hours she endured, no time she would be able to sleep. That’s how it started. Four red zeros on her alarm clock signaled that Baby Jones was doomed to misery for the next few moments. The redhead sighed, murmuring an ironic “happy birthday” to herself, blowing out the fire from the match she used to light a cigarette. She stared into nothingness, putting death between her lips and knowing that things were going to change - for better or for worse.    All that was needed was a brief glance. In a second, she was in her room smoking and trying not to cry. The next, Baby was back. Panic invaded her chest when she realized that she was lying on the floor, her eyes going to the clock hanging on the wall with a splash of blood: 20:11.    It’s amazing how a situation can change from one minute to the next. It’s amazing how the Jones family couldn’t be happier at 8:10 pm and a minute later they faced the worst moment of their life (or the end of it) face to face. And it all happened for Baby.    A shot was the first thing that warned the Jones that everything would go downhill. The immediately dead body of Mary Jones - Baby’s loving aunt - fell to the floor with a loud thump, screams being heard throughout the suburban home. Baby Jones went to the floor under the influence of her parents, Marie Ann and Thomas, who saw an armed shadow in front of the open door. At the same time, everything and nothing went through their minds, adrenaline and agony dominating their senses. They wanted to send their daughter run away from the house, while their eyes alternated among all their children: she, Amelie, Owen and little AJ, who was on the other side of the room, with no idea what was going on. But when they looked at Baby again, all they managed to pay attention to was the stranger behind her.

   The eight-year-old girl felt hands grabbing her as her parents screamed, asking for mercy. She struggled, feeling the hot tears on her face and the tightening the long, manicured nails on her skin, leaving marks because of the fight that had already been won. It was when his father advanced on the woman with black hair as the night that the second shot was heard, Baby feeling a pain she never felt before - and probably never will again - gasping and sinking in countless feelings. Little Jones sobbed, watching Marie Ann cry over her husband’s dead body.    Baby J.’s vision was blurred, everything was spinning and her screams of horror did not stop the situation, which happened in the blink of an eye. One, two, three, four shots. No way out. The little redhead couldn’t breathe and the strong, motherly grip of the woman who held her only made it worse. Baby saw three unknown men at her home and suddenly those three were almost all the males left. Giving up on struggling, Jones only managed to cry desperately when she saw her sister walking away in shock from Baby’s lifeless older brother, Owen. 

   Baby opened her eyes, feeling the damp on her face and the lump in her throat. She felt her chest rise and fall at an accelerated frequency and her head sinking into the pillow, gulping and scrambling up from the bed, drying the tears that seemed not to end. When trying to get up, the girl fell to the ground without even a resistance, feeling the tremor in her legs and hands. Jones put her hands on her chest, unable to breathe and panicking even more.

   So she just did what she needed to do. Baby cried. Panic spread throughout her body as she sobbed and searched for air, tears making everything worse. In fetal position, she clasped her hands tightly, not from physical pain but from mental pain, feeling her nails pierce the skin.

   Baby felt like she was going to die. “Maybe it’s better this way, maybe I have to give up,” she thought, her body softening and the feeling of something in her hand that was under the bed. The only Jones alive closed her eyes strongly and deeply regretted it, feeling the tightness in her heart get worse.

– Oh, my love, don’t cry.

   She felt the fingers running through her vivid hair, the tightness on her wrist and the tears in her eyes. “Please, let me out!”, she cried out with all her might, shifting and listening to the frustrated sigh of the man in front of her. “Why can’t you just be a good girl, huh? A good daughter? I love you, Baby, but… you’re just making things worse for you”, Jones ignored the man, who was still touching her hair affectionately, speaking tenderly.

– You are not my father and you never will be! You killed him and I hate you! – She yelled in the midst of tears, the scary Ryan Copper’s face tensing and his jaw clenching.

– I don’t accept this behavior under my roof! I struggle, I fight, I do everything to give you a great life and that’s what I get. – He squeezed the girl’s orange hair, pulling her face closer and staying millimeters away. – If this behavior does not improve by tomorrow morning, you will have serious problems, young lady. Honey, feel free. 

   Blue eyes blinked in fear, shifting her attention from the man who went from one extreme to the other in a snap of the fingers to the woman with black hair and a disturbing smile, a knife in one hand and a whip in the other. It was only Baby’s first day there, but she knew she wasn’t going to last long and maybe she would never leave that filthy, empty cellar again. Baby Jones heard the whip crack before she felt it burn on her skin.

   She opened her eyes, pulling what was under her bed into view. Baby felt the dust on the piece of photographic paper, smiling weakly and feeling the agitation in her chest lessen. She saw her parents hugging each other tightly, smiling at each other. Her mother, Marie Ann, had a big belly, sheltering who would become AJ in the future. The older brothers were on the floor, laughing and fighting over something and Baby was beside them, concentrated on a Rubik’s Cube.

   Her breathing was soon regulated and she bit her lip in a failed attempt to hold her tears, looking at that photo and soon holding it close to her chest. “I miss you”, Baby J. whispered so low that even she couldn’t hear herself. The girl spent about an hour in that position, crying and calming down, in a cycle, again and again. When she finally had the courage to get up, she felt dizzy, remembering the horrifying touches in her hair from one of the men who had kidnapped her. That affection seemed so real that it scared Baby more than anything. She felt a chill on her back, terror. The girl could feel everything even after 10 years. Those despicable hands in her hair, face, arm.

   Baby rushed to the bathroom, kneeled on the toilet coughing and throwing up. The day hadn’t even started and it was already one of the worst in Baby’s life (and that was a tough competition). The teen weakly got up, looking to herself in the mirror and just knowing what to do to repress that memories of the touches. Being a nervous wreck, she rushed to grab the scissors she always used to cut the hair of the other kids in the house - as lovely as this may seem (and it is), Baby make sure to threat the youngers with the sharp object, not wanting to be seem as a big sister. The tears were nearly stopping while cutting sloppily more than 10 inches of red hair, not caring by the mess she made on the sink or the length her hair was going to be. Jones didn’t really care for her hair, but made sure the pixie cut was acceptable.

– Booze. Yeah, I need booze. – The eighteen-year-old girl whispered, rubbing her eyes and preparing to be extremely silent.

   In a house with so many children - and one of them being the problematic Jones - the two women who lived there needed a little alcohol from time to time (having to hide for the same reason that they needed to have it). Baby grabbed her bag, making a grimace at the sound of a creak and snore as she opened her bedroom door, freezing for a moment, not wanting to be caught and punished. She went down the stairs carefully, kneeling on the floor and facing the last step when she reached the first floor. “Eureka!”, murmured a excited Baby, “or should I say “tequila!”?”.

   When she sneaked out of what they said was her home, it didn't take long for Baby to end up in the same spot of a few previous nights, when she got a call from the longtime acquaintance, David Rossi. This time, her brain didn't work the same way, especially after several sips of the alcohol in her hands. Baby Jones had her (not so) great idea when she was halfway through the bottle, getting dizzy when she got up quickly, totally excited about what she was going to do. Come on, she was already eighteen! Jones could do whatever she wanted, right?

   Baby J. took the first bus of the day out of Alexandria with the money she had saved, sitting away from the few other passengers and sipping from the bottle of tequila hidden in her bag from time to time. In a little over an hour, the young and not-so-innocent girl headed for her final destination.

– Excuse me! Good night, I want to visit David Rossi, if possible. – Baby said in her sweetest tone, winking her blue eyes at the receptionist.    The woman smirked, raising her eyebrows, not even bothering to look at Baby. It was not the rarest thing in the world for people to try to enter the FBI building and visit the famous author who was Rossi. "Agent Rossi is not expecting company and there's no autograph session going on now, child. You can go out that door," the brunette nodded the exit with her head as Baby Jones grimaced, determined to enter that building in Quantico. – You didn't understand, he knows me. – The 18-year-old explained, still trying to win over the receptionist, even though she suspected that the facade of being an innocent and kind child would not catch on. – Miss, please leave or I will call the security.    "Hey, now you're just being ... you know what? Nevermind! Call Rossi and say that Baby Jones has come to visit. Go, see for yourself, call!", Baby crossed her arms, almost tripping over her own feet as she leaned against the desk of the secretary who was beginning to have doubts if the girl was really just a fan. Reluctantly, the brunette, Miss Parker, picked up the phone and dialed the number of the Italian-American's office, staring at Jones with suspicion throughout the process. – Sir? Yes, there someone here that claims know you, her name is Baby Jones. Yes, Baby Jones, sir. – She seemed nervous about talking to David, looking at the floor constantly, looking up at the redhead with interest. – Of course, sir. Guard! – Hanging up the call, secretary Parker nodded to a large, menacing FBI security, Baby's eyes widening. – But I did not do anything! That jerk! Rossi didn't ...?

   “Follow Miss Jones up to the fifth floor", the older one said to the guard, who waved quickly, looking at the smaller one whose smile was growing on her face. Parker handed the girl an FBI visitor's badge, trying not to doubt David Rossi's sanity by letting the girl go up to the BAU upon hearing Baby exclaim "that's what I'm talking about!". 

   The eyes of serious security remained on the petit girl the entire time, noticing her strange behavior and trying to solve the mystery about whether that slight smell of alcohol he smelled was just an impression. The ride in the elevator was quick to the relief of Jones, who soon left the cubicle and smiled awkwardly at the man twice as tall. "I need... you know, go to the bathroom," Baby laughed embarrassed to the security (her acting skills were surprisingly good when it came to trick someone).

– Go to the end of the corridor and turn right, miss.

– Thank you very much. – Baby smiled and took quick, sloppy steps to the pointed direction, looking around and smirking to herself, noticing the calm movement of the building and no people around her.

   She read the signs on the doors, looking for a specific room, hoping that the seriously frightening security guard wouldn't come looking. Baby gave a slight "hooray" when she found what she came to, biting her lips when remembering that she needed to be silent, looking around and entering the agile room like a cat. The redhead clapped her hands excitedly when she saw a room full of files and a computer full of horrible cases that she would love to have a look at.

   Soon, Jones was digging through the numerous unresolved case documents, having already looked at the resolved case reports - she liked to deduce things about the suspect and then see if she got it right. She completely ignored the computer, knowing it would have a password and that her technological skills were not enough to hack the FBI. 

   Baby thanked for not being drunk enough to not know what she was doing, but to be a little more excited and happy than usual. Unfortunately, her current condition was not enough to pay much attention to the light noise the door made when it opened, only noticing the presence of someone else there when she heard a false cough, startling her.

– Miss, you are not an agent. – Said the handsome man, a little surprised by the situation and looking at the visitor's badge attached to the girl's black leather jacket.

– Huh, are you... sure?

– Yes, I’m sure. What are you doing here, miss?

– I think I getting myself in serious problems. – Baby laughed awkwardly, scratching her neck and seeing the badge with the name Grant Anderson on the clothes of the FBI agent who looked at her with extreme suspicion, prepared to solve that problem that was having an extremely strange girl accessing FBI files.

   Agent Anderson insisted on staying close to the girl, with his hand on her shoulder, with the suspicion that she would run away from there while he took her to the office of one of his bosses. Jones threw a smile and a wink at the security guard who escorted her to that floor, even though deep down she was a little afraid that the problem she created it would jeopardize her possible BAU spot.

   Two knocking on Aaron Hotchner's door was all it took for Baby Marie Jones to be in real trouble, walking in and facing a way-too-serious-looking man and a blonde lady. Unfortunately for the short-haired redhead, in that room there was not only the BAU Unit Chief but the all-powerful Section Chief, Erin Strauss. Anderson was afraid to say anything, the bosses' sharp eyes cutting him off, but he soon managed to announce the situation to both. "This girl was reading case documents, she was stealing some too," he explained, Baby looking at him ugly, opening her mouth in surprise. "I wasn't stealing! I was just... borrowing... for an undetermined period of time."

– What?! Handcuff her. How did she get in here? – Asked Strauss, squinting, irritated by the security breach, wondering if that child could be part of an illegal organization. Agent Hotchner, however, was looking at the girl with curiosity, finding her strangely familiar.

– She has a visitor’s badge. 

– What’s her name? 

– You know I’m right in front of you and you can ask me yourself, right? – Jones asked, her gaze going from Anderson to Strauss, who didn't have a very good expression.

   “What’s your name?”, the Section Chief of the BAU sighed, seeing the girl actually think to answer, looking to Aaron and remembering him. “Bring David Rossi here and we’ll answer all your questions!”, ordered the kid, seeing the two big bosses exchanging looks. 

– “We?”

– Yeah, me and him. Trust me, you are not going to regret it, this is gonna be super duper fun! – She smiled excitedly, seeing that the three people in the room were not understanding anything and were not sure how to act in the face of the unusual situation.

   “Why I’m not surprised that you caused that much of a problem in such a short period of time?”, asked David Rossi, drawing attention and sighing deeply to see what he was up to and how the next few hours would be somewhat unpleasant. Baby, lightly drunk and unfiltered, grinned when she saw the older man enter the room. “When I was told you were here I already knew that my day wouldn't go as planned, but you could have caused a minor problem, don't you think, Baby?”.

– Well, you can say whatever you want, but you must admit that's gonna be a damn good story to tell.

– Baby Marie Jones. – Murmured Hotch, finally remembering where he knew those red hair and striking eyes, seeing the girl do jazz hands, exclaiming “surprise!”. He couldn’t forget that case even if we wanted.

– Can somebody explain what is happening? – Asked Strauss, as Anderson left the room, closing the door and seeing the curious looks of the other BAU agents regarding that little meeting.

– So...!

– You! You don’t speak a word, miss. – David pointed his finger at the youngest, who took off her imaginary hat in a gesture of understanding, the sound of handcuffs filling the room, the girl laughing, but going quiet. – Erin, sit down, please. We have a lot to talk. Tell me, how do you fell about breaking some rules? 

[bi-makes-pie]

"I'm her best enemy" Playlist [ PART ONE - Songs 1 to 30]

Click READ MORE to see the whole list

1. Nemeses (feat. John Roderick) – Jonathan Coulton I mostly see this as being in the Master’s POV.

“Could it be that you need me To keep you out, to run you faster Promise me you'll let me be The one, the worst of all your enemies”

2. Crazy – Burn the Ballroom 12 to Missy. This one is quite cute. He does calls her mad, but we all know the Doctor isn’t exactly the perfect picture of sanity either.

“She had problems with my love connections So she bought me bullets and she made corrections (…) I'd say crazy, doll, but you've got something different I'd say complicated but that's your kind of rhythm I'd say lost and you'd say love

But you're crazy not to see That you're crazy just like me...”

3. Silence – Citizen Shade This kinda makes me picture the Doctor trying to give in and settle down with the Master (any version) while dealing with the inner conflict that they’re far too cruel for their taste.

“I found peace in your violence Can't tell me there's no point in trying I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long”

4. Dangerous Man - Little Dume This alternates between the Doctor’s POV and the Master’s. But you can also interpret it as being 100% about any version of the Doctor, since they do have a dark side.

“Every bone in my body's bad Fire's burning, the skies are turning black They say I'm a dangerous man” “Can you hear the storm's a coming I'm a silver in the lining There's a spark in me They say I'm a dangerous man Better run fast as you can Don't you look back”

5. Under Covers – LeRiche A bittersweet song about two people who had this precious friendship and love for each other, and about how distance can keep it all bottled up but once they give it a chance, they immediately go right back to the start. Just fits them very well, if you picture a happy ending to their relationship.

“I don't know why you're looking for a friend I'm right by your side But out here from a distance You won't look me in the eyes Without your love, I think I could die Then you let me in, we go back to beginnings When we were just friends hanging out on the ceiling We'll laugh about love and how we felt for one another And I love the way we make up under covers”

6. The Scientist – Coldplay A song about longing to make things right again and with little analogies involving science? I mean…

“Nobody said it was easy It's such a shame for us to part Nobody said it was easy No one ever said it would be this hard Oh, take me back to the start”

7. Renegades – X Ambassadors The “They actually stole a TARDIS and ran away together from Gallirey” AU we need so much

“Run away with me Lost souls and reverie Running wild and running free Two kids, you and me And I say Hey, hey hey hey Living like we're renegades”

8. Love is War – American Young I like how cute this song is and yet there is a bit of a dark twist. Fits them.

“Sometimes love is all that can save us Sometimes love can kill a man Yeah sometimes love is a soft touch Or a pistol in your hand Sometimes love is a white flag (...) Sometimes a cannon ball But it's worth fighting for Baby, sometimes love is war”

9. Bury a friend – Billie Eilish (Cover by Pomplamoose) Master’s POV. Can apply to any of their regenerations but I think of Simm!Master the most, since Ten tends to run towards him rather than walk away from him.

“What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me? What are you wondering? What do you know? Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me? When we all fall asleep, where do we go?”

10. Come as you are – Nirvana (Cover by Imaginary Future) Best Enemies, everyone. Master’s POV again.

“Come as you are, as you were As I want you to be As a friend, as a friend As an old enemy (…) And I swear that I don't have a gun No, I don't have a gun”

11. Turn – The Wombats Academy!Era, Doctor’s POV. Theta (Doctor) clearly has a crush on Koschei (Master) and they’re both love being chaotic together. 

“I like the way your brain works, I like the way you try To run with the wolf pack when your legs are tired I like the way you turn me inside and out I like the way you turn I like the way your brain works Baby, it's the crazy I like I think I saw the world turn in your eyes”

12. Run – Snow Patrol Master’s POV if he was ever able to be honest about his feelings. Some parts can easily be read as the Doctor’s POV too.

“You've been the only thing that's right In all I've done And I can barely look at you But every single time I do I know we'll make it anywhere Away from here”

13. Maps - The Front Bottoms The Doctor’s POV as their relationship deteriorates after the Academy and he plans to steal the TARDIS and leave Gallifrey and his friend behind. I had to help myself from quoting the whole song because IT REALLY FITS SO WELL.

“There is a map in my room, on the wall of my room And I've got big, big plans (…) You say 'I hate you', you mean it And 'I love you' sounds fake It's taken me so long to figure that out I used to love the taste, I would do anything for it Now I would do anything to get the taste out of my mouth (…) "And what about your friends, Don't you love them enough to stay?" And I say, "If I don't leave now, Then I will never get away." Let me be a blue raft on the blue sea, I'll blend right in”

14. Old College – The Mountain Goats This fits the tiresome, sad, manipulative and draining part of their relationship.

“The warning signs have all been bright and garish Far too great in number to ignore (…) Our love has never had a leg to stand on From the aspirins to the cross-tops to the Elavils 

But I will walk down to the end with you If you will come all the way down with me”

15. Like a Staring Contest – The Future Kings of Nowhere Covers the end of their friendship and start of the new enemies dynamic. 

“I'm so tired of open warfare When the point of this was to be best of friends (…) When you fall in love as hard And recklessly as you and I do It seems that the final act should have The same intensity as the first scene”

16. Poison and Wine – The Civil Wars Reminds me of 12 and Missy but before Series 10. 

“You only know what I want you to I know everything you don't want me to Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine You think your dreams are the same as mine Oh I don't love you but I always will” 

17. Genesis 30:3 – The Mountain Goats The mentions of a past relationship and the following lines followed by drums really make me picture this as Simm!Master and Ten getting a happy but bittersweet ending.

“For several hours we lay there, last ones of our kind Harder days coming, maybe I don't mind Sounds kind of dumb when I say it, but it's true I would do anything for you”

 18. Blood Under The Bridge – Frightened Rabbit Could literally be any version, but I picture Dhawan!Master and 13 making amends here, mostly because he might be crazy and frenetic but behind that façade he’s clearly way more tired than she ever will be.

“And it's alright, it's alright It's just blood under the bridge And I'm too tired to fight And you're sick of feeling sick And so am I It's alright It's just blood under the bridge”

19. Even Though Our Love is Doomed – Garbage  Missy’s POV. You can interpret this like her train of thoughts and reflections starting from early Vault days to the last time we see her on-screen. Reluctance, guilt and then the resolution.

“Come a little bit closer I need to understand Why we kill the things we love the most (…) Can you love me for what I've become Love me for what I Said that I would not become 'Cause they don't burn like I do (…) And even though our love is doomed And even though we're all messed up You're the only thing worth fighting for” You're the only thing worth dying for” 

20. Starlight – Muse 12 and Missy during the episodes World Enough and Time and The Doctor Falls.

“Now I'll never let you go If you promised not to fade away Never fade away Our hopes and expectations Black holes and revelations” 

21. Control – Halsey This screams Missy to me, especially since she literally incorporates the character of the evil nanny in her book (The Missy Chronicles) and in Big Finish’s audio dramas.

“I'm bigger than my body I'm colder than this home I'm meaner than my demons I'm bigger than these bones

And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me" I can't help this awful energy God damn right, you should be scared of me Who is in control?”

 22. Enemy – Woodlock End of Academy!Era. Yet another song which reminds me about their early fighting days and the end of their friendship.

This is where it begins At the start of an end I could no longer pretend No more, you walked out the door You’re my enemy

23. Why Can't We Be Friends? – The Academic The title says it all. The lyrics also mention how the relationship is always turning into something new, so I had to associate with the longest friends to lovers to enemies we’ve ever seen on television.

“This world is pointless If you're not here This world is pointless If we're not self-destructing love And it falls and it breaks and it turns into something new And it falls and it breaks and it turns into something” 

24. Wish That You Were Here – Florence + The Machine Doctor’s POV, in the days when he regrets leaving Gallifrey for a couple of seconds before turning to occupy his with something else. Because he knows that even if he went back, things aren’t the same and everyone has changed – including him.

“And I never minded being on my own Then something broke in me and I wanted to go home To be where you are But even closer to you, you seem so very far

And it's beautiful but there's that tug in the sight I must stop time traveling, you're always on my mind”

 25. No Light, No Light – Florence + The Machine This one makes me picture the first moment the Doctor realized his friend had changed too much and had to choose between his own feelings and standing for what’s right. This happens A LOT in the show, but I imagine realizing that for the first time was the hardest.

“But would you leave me If I told you what I've done And would you leave me If I told you what I've become No light, no light in your bright blue eyes I never knew daylight could be so violent A revelation in the light of day”

26. Dancing with the Devil – Wolf Gang This alternates between the Master’s POV and the Doctor’s POV. 

“If you're the chosen one How does it feel to be loved by no one? If you're the number one Where do you run to? Can you hide behind the sun? You say that there's no oxygen again You're forcing down the lies but you always get your way Something tells me that this was all arranged You tricked me once again” 

27. Skeleton Park – Kasador Master’s POV. “You know, back in the day, I'd burn an entire city to the ground just to see the pretty shapes the smoke made” (Missy, in The Lie of the Land, Series 10, Episode 8)

“When the house is on fire Air fills my lungs I satisfy desire From watching all you run Yeah the house is on fire Hear the sirens scream My hands hold the lighter It fits so naturally”

28. Elastic Heart – Longfellow What I love the most about the Doctor (all versions) is how they keep fighting for what is right despite their own feelings being hurt or despite how much it may cause them pain. I love what this character represents, and those lyrics reminds me so much of them. 

“Oh why can I not conquer love? And I might have thought that we were one Wanted to fight this war without weapons And I wanted it, I wanted it bad But there were so many red flags (…) Yeah, let's be clear, I'll trust no one You did not break in here I'm still fighting for peace”

 29. Bite Back – The All-American Rejects “You think you've broken me? You'll have to try harder than that” (The Doctor, in The Timeless Children Series 12, Episode 10). Same unbreakable side of the Doctor, but this time she definitively resents it a little more than usual. 

“You couldn't break me in the end And such a freedom I enjoy When you're deaf to the sounds you trust If that was all you've got, my friend Then set yourself to disappoint” 

30. No Children – The Mountain Goats Listen to me here: this covers the whole “They were married way before they started to hate each other back on Gallifrey” fan theory.

“I am drowning There is no sign of land You are coming down with me Hand in unlovable hand”

[ PART TWO TO BE ADDED SOON ]

[nthngbxtfanfics]

Not her - Jooheon scenario

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

Jooheons girlfriend reached the dorm the excitement didn’t leave her body, after the recent events. She was so proud of her actions, the smile plastered on her face didn’t fade even for a second. The devastated look you had was like a reward for herself. She ringed the bell and soon after a man in his early 20s opened the door, not looking amused to see her.

Changkyuns throat tightened as he saw the woman in the doorframe, he wasn’t in the mood to greet her.

“Jooheon is in his room” he left the entrance and walked straight to the kitchen joining Kihyun and ignoring the woman.

“Hello everyone!” she cheerily greeted the remaining men, while she walked past them. She got ignored, she didn’t cared and made her way towards her ‘boyfriend’. She knocked at the door, coffee still in her hand, ready to give it to him. The music from the opposite side got turned off, Jooheons legs dragged him towards the door, unlocking it and revealing a cheery woman with a big smile all over her face. Like a mirror, his smile replaced the frown and he invited the woman into the room.

“Hi Honey! I brought you some Coffee!” the fakeness in her voice stayed unnoticed by the man. Jooheon wasn’t in the right state of mind, his mind felt dizzy and blurry.

“Thanks Jagi. How do I deserve your presence at this time of day? I thought you’re busy and had to work extra.” Jooheon took the cup in his hand, noticing the familiar label between his fingers. Giving no more thoughts into it, he sat down onto the seat he was previously sitting in. He was actually glad that his girlfriend visited him, maybe she was able to distract him from his unbearable thoughts.

“Plans got cancelled and I thought - why not visit my Baby-Honey?”

Her Honey...

The nickname too familiar and leaving a bitter aftertaste in his ears. The word Honey lingering in his head with your unforgettable voice. He stared at the cup, not looking at the woman in front of him.

“Did something happen?” Her voice brought him back to reality, snapping his head towards her. He directed a small smile at her, hiding his opposite state.

“No I’m fine, I’m just a little tired. I just got back from the studio and was sitting here trying to memorize the lyrics that have been going through my mind.” He lied, to her, to them, to you, to himself.

“You should drink some of your Coffee, It may wakens up your brain-cells a little and helps you remember the lyrics.” Her fake smile grew bigger, he ignored the salty taste he got from his girlfriends words and took a sip of the warm and creamy drink.

The taste was too familiar, he recognized it right away, the smell gave itself away. The sweet taste of a caring person, a warm hug, a comforting warmth. The strong taste of coffee mixed with a cream enhanced by a perfect amount of fresh honey. It’s not too sweet, just like his taste. Your smile mirrored in this cup of Latte, your face flooded his mind, a knot building up in his throat. A stinging pain right through his heart, his mouth becoming dry. His eyes stared down onto the cup, searching for a message you’d normally leave for him. But there was none. Sadness overtook him, regret filling his upper body. Tears started welling up in the back of his eyes, waiting for release. But he wouldn’t let them escape he had to be stronger and fight them. He needed to let you go, he had to. You were no longer his and he was no longer yours. You left him with his feelings alone, you were the first who fell in love with someone else and not him.

He hated you for playing him like that, he thought he meant more to you. He was wrong, he needed to distract himself from you, to find someone he could give his love to. But it was too hard for him, his yearning for you became even stronger, the only way he could go is to replace his love with hatred. At the end, his hatred wasn’t towards you, it was directed to him. He lost his small hope to bring you back into his arms, he missed his opportunity to get back close to you.

And he regretted it.

“I met Y/N at the cafe.” his girlfriend reached for his attention and catched it right away, after your name slipped through her lips. Jooheon hummed in response, holding the cup tighter and did not spare a look at the woman next to him.

“She seemed pretty happy, she also told me a lot about Wonho. It seems like they started a thing. It’s obvious since they spent so much time together right?” And that’s when Hyejin got him. Jooheons jaw clenched together, his face becoming stone hard. His eyes glaring at a spot in the room, still avoiding his girlfriends gaze. He don’t wanted to show her how those news really affected him, so he wouldn’t hurt her feelings. He got even more mad and frustrated.

“Wasn’t she with Kihyun first?” Jooheon spat those words out with so much disgust. Her smile grew bigger.

“I don’t know, maybe she’s hooking up with both? I guess for her one is not enough.” her teasing brought Jooheon over the edge, he was enraged. He wanted to confront you and his other members. But they would only question him.

He’d like it more if you wouldn’t show up anymore, to leave him and the members alone. But mostly his heart, you’ve been haunting him even more. Jooheon stood up walking towards the door, confronting you.

“Don’t! Why are you so fed up? Just leave her alone and relax. Y/N only stresses you, you should forget about her.” she stopped him, even though she loved the way he was ready to fight you. She wanted you to be destroyed by the man you love and make Jooheon her lifeless doll and the first thing she needed to get rid of are his feelings for you. She needed to separate you two and her plan was slowly building back up. Her success was close.

A few weeks past and Jooheon hasn’t seen you around often, it seemed like you disappeared. Good for him, that was the perfect time for him to actually start and get rid of his feelings for you. Even if it was too hard for him, sometimes he would debate with himself whether to give you a call or not. Or ask his members how you are, but his pride went against it.

You had some time to take good care of yourself, were you healed? No. Your heart was still in pain, but you knew you had to move on anyway, tomorrow or now, it didn’t matter but you slowly made it.

You had the strength to visit the dorm a few times when Jooheon wasn’t around. You were even able to visit the other members at the studio. Sometimes would Hosoek invite you to his studio, when he felt lonely or when he, Minhyuk or Hyungwon were bored and needed some entertainment from you. Changkyun grew kinda attached to you, since your mental breakdown. He  worried a lot about you and texted whenever he could to make sure you were alright. And Kihyun, he became more sensitive around you, always making sure that you feel great. His whole attention went onto you, he would look onto his phone more often, waiting for a message from you or a call to pick up right away. When you would visit the dorm, he would always prepare your favorite food or buy you your favorite snacks and drinks. Kihyun got too worried about you, after Changkyun confessed to him what had happened in the gym room.

Minhyuk suggested to have a night with some drinks and a great meal, since the past events were pretty exhausting and draining. All the members agreed and prepared everything. Jooheon was glad he could spend some time with the other members and even helped Minhyuk and Shownu to get the drinks or even helped Kihyun in the kitchen at some point.

“I’m so glad we are done for today and then 24 hours of freedom!” Changkyun dropped on the floor in the living room, followed by the others.

“And therefor we gotta have a drink!” Minhyuk was excited to release the tension from all those practice sessions and their overall busy schedules. He filled all seven cups and grabbed his, pulling it up to the air.

“Let’s enjoy and forget about all the worries tonight!” the sound of kissing glass erupted and cheers filled the room. The liquid got drowned by all, Shownu was the first to dig into the food. After the first bottles of Soju were emptied, the members got more relaxed and random topics filled the members heads.

“Who got plans for tomorrow?” Changkyun started, curious about the others.

“I’ll most likely sleep-in tomorrow and maybe play some video games. I’ll just relax.” Hyungwon was the first to respond, but his answer wasn’t really surprising to the others.

“I may visit my parents. I haven’t seen them in a while and you Changkyun?” added Shownu.

“I don’t know maybe play some video games like Hyungwon-hyung or going to the studio and make some music.”

“Yah! Why do you have to go to the studio all the time? We are free tomorrow and you choose to work?” Minhyuk nagged, not pleased by the answer.

“Hyung- “

“Let him do whatever he wants.” Changkyun got interrupted Hoseok

“Thank you hyung! But I’d would like to do something else though.”

“We could work out together and then go somewhere and watch a movie or so.” Hoseok suggested to spent the time together with the Maknae.

“Let’s ask Y/N-ssi if she'd like to hang out with us. Didn’t she said that she’s free for a few days?” Changkyun added.

“Sorry to break it to you, but me and Y/N are already going out together.” Kihyun interrupted the plan of the two men. Getting a side eye glare from a certain person.

“Oh really? Where are you going?” Minhyuk asked curious.

“Were going shopping and then we’re going to a cafe that opened a few days ago. Y/N heard about it and wanted to try it out.” Kihyun answered ignoring the angry energy building up from the person next to him. Jooheon tried his best not to be caught by his change of emotions and stayed still. His jealousy rose, he would go to new places with you. He would be the first to receive a text from you when you found something exciting.

“Uh! Sounds like a date” Minhyuk teased the male, with the intention of making the rapper a little jealous.

Minhyuk knew that Jooheon was still attached to you. Jooheon made it easy for him to see through his emotions. He wanted Jooheon to snap and accept his feelings for you and drop his so called girlfriend and he wasn’t the only one.

“Yah! Hyung! It’s not a date! We’re just hanging out like friends and nothing more. You know that.” Kihyun became a little embarrassed and his ears turned a little red. He got a bit nervous because of Jooheon. He did not wanted to get the male mad at him, for something that isn’t the way it is.

“Hey Kihyun! Can’t Changkyun and I join you two?” like knight in shining armor, Hoseok noticed how the anger started to well up within Jooheon and eased it.

“Good idea! Why not?” Kihyun catched up and agreed. But Jooheon wasn’t satisfied with it.

“Jooheon! What are your plans for tomorrow?” Changkyun tried to bring up something else, so the situation wouldn’t go too heated and end up in a disaster.

“I don’t know, I guess I’ll just stay in and do nothing”

“Aren’t you meeting your girlfriend?” asked Minhyuk.

“No she’s flying to Japan with her friends. Her flight goes tomorrow.” Jooheon took a bite of the food in front of him, hoping he won’t have to explain any further. Minhyuk nodded as a response. Silence filled the room, until Minhyuks phone went off and signaled a message. He looked on his phone finding your name on the screen, a smile creeped up on his face. The Maknae looked automatically onto the screen too, noticing your profile picture. His eyes flew over the chat between you and Minhyuk. He saw the picture Minhyuk send to you, a picture that he took when all gathered on the ground to take a group picture together.

“Who is texting you?” Hyungwon was curious too and leaned over Changkyuns back to look at the phone.

“Y/N just messaged me and wished us a lot of fun! She also said that Kihyun looks like a wet dog she saw on her way to work today” The three started to laugh while the said man got confused and reached for the phone.

“What? Show me! I don’t look like a wet dog!”

“Oh god! Kihyun you do actually look kinda on it!” Hoseok teased the younger one and all started to laugh again.

“What is Y/N doing now?” asked Changkyun.

“Don’t know, I’ll ask her real quick.” Minhyuks fingers worked fast, he received a message immediately.

“She just finished work and is heading home.”

“Why don’t we invite her over?” Shownu included himself gaining a few confused looks from the others. Minhyuks gaze switched from the leader to Jooheon and stayed on the rapper to wait for a reaction from him.

Jooheon lifted his gaze and met six pairs of eyes, waiting for a response of him.

“What? If you want to invite her, do so! I don’t mind.”

Why did I said that?

Why did Jooheons chest feel so weird all of a sudden? It was warm almost getting hot, he couldn’t tell if it was anger or annoyance. His heart started a race, beating too fast. Was he excited? No, it couldn’t be. How could he be excited to see you? He was supposed to hate you. But his heart won’t let him, he let those feelings slide away and ignored them. As if a button got switched, his mind got flooded with images of you. Your smile infected every brain-cell in his mind, his body missed you, his heart wouldn’t let go of you. His mind started to play with him, his system went crazy. His blood boiled, he was lost and had no way to escape until Minhyuk brought him back to reality.

“Jooheon!”

“What?” immediately snapped the said man his head towards the calling voice.

“You alright?”

“You drifted off to dreamland a moment ago.” Changkyun and Kihyun finished each others sentences. 

“I’m alright! I just need to drink some water.” Jooheon stood up and went straight to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and returned to the others.

“Should we really ask her? She might be tired from work” Kihyun debated with the others and seemed to be the only one against your visit. He wanted to avoid any uncomfortable situation, since Jooheon would be around you.

“Come on Hyung! She could relax with us, I bet today was as exhausting for her like it was for us.” Changkyun really liked the idea to have you around. He thought you were ready to meet Jooheon after that long time and maybe you both would be able to talk some things out and get rid of some misunderstandings.

“Text her!” the Maknae demanded his older friend to text you as fast as he could.

“I’ll just ask her if she would like to come or not. Don’t be too upset if she declines” Minhyuk typed again and waited for an answer from you. This time you took a bit longer to respond and left the message on read first. Minhyuk could almost hear you debating with yourself whether you should come or not. He eventually laid his phone back down and took a sip of Jooheons water.

Jooheon grew nervous and inpatient. His body didn’t reacted the way he wanted and it pissed him off.

The sound of Minhyuks phone catched the attention of all men.

“She’s coming” stated Minhyuk, happy about the positive respond. Jooheon got more frustrated with himself as excitement filled his whole body and his heart started to beat faster for the second time that evening. He felt like a little child waiting impatiently for his present on Christmas.

Kihyun grew worried of both of you, he prayed to God that there will be no conflict between the two of you. If it would happen, he would give the whole fault to the other members and would make sure they won’t see you ever again.

“How long will she take?” asked Changykun.

“Don’t know, maybe 20 minutes?” Minhyuk laid his phone back down and waited for your arrival.

A few moments past and Jooheons heart didn’t stop for a moment. As if he was sitting on hot stones, his body wouldn’t stay still. Every position he took was too uncomfortable for him. The members noticed his nervous state.

“You alright?” Hyungwon grew annoyed at the younger ones constant moving. Jooheon snapped his eyes across the table, meeting the mans eyes.

“Yeah, why?” a frown building itself up.

“You are wiggling none stop, like an excited puppy.”

“I’m not excited! It’s just uncomfortable to sit on the floor. -” The doorbell interrupted the small conversation, announcing you arrival.

“I’ll go” Kihyun jumped up from his spot to invite you in.

Adrenalin shot up through Jooheons body. His mind flooded with various questions. Will you talk to him? Will you ignore him? Will you act like nothing happened? Are you alright? Have you eaten well? How do you look like? Did you change your hair? Your style? He wanted to see you again, so dearly. Anger and hatred left his body, he missed you and he’ll not question it anymore. In this moment, he wanted to laugh with you, talk with you and be there for you. Taking back the role as your best friend. Jooheon forgot about his girlfriend completely, like she doesn’t even exist. He wanted you at this moment and he won’t ruin it.

Jooheon turned towards the entrance of the living room. Kihyun was the first to enter and was followed by you. Your smile got bigger as you saw all the rest and waved your hand towards them. As your eyes landed on Jooheon, your smile became smaller and uneasy. His heart didn’t took it great, it hurt. But that wasn’t the only thing that brought pain to the middle of his chest. He noticed how thin you became, how exhausted you face looked. The bags under your eyes became a dominate feature on your small face.

Jooheon waved back at you, nervous. You made your way towards the group, the only big space left was between Jooheon and Hoseok. Both men made some space for you, the rappers gaze followed your movements as you sat down.

Your scent filled his nose, it has been too long since your bodies were that close. Your shoulder brushed Jooheons, his skin tingled, wishing for more contact. His eyes wouldn’t leave you, he was lost. The surroundings becoming blurry, the sounds becoming muffled. You turned around, meeting his eyes. His heart stopped for a moment, his chest became tight. No air could enter or escape.

“Hi” that simple word snapped him back to reality, your plump lips formed a thin line. Your nervousness was visible and made Jooheon sad, he never wished to make you uncomfortable around him. He felt guilty, he ruined your friendship the most and he wanted to make it up to you.

“Hi, how have you been?” he asked carefully, he talked with as if you were made of thin glass.

“Great. And you? How’s your girlfriend?”

Right his girlfriend, he forgot about her.

“I’m great. I heard you passed that big exam? I know I’m pretty late but congratulation” he smiled, ignoring the question about his girlfriend.

Your smile came back followed by a nod.

“Here Y/N a glass.” Hoseok handed you his glass. You faced the man curious.

“Why are you giving me yours?”

“I don’t drink, one shot is enough.” He smiled at her, her smile becoming brighter and thanking him. Jooheons heart cried.

“Let’s have fun!” Minhyuk got excited and filled all glasses with alcohol. Everyone cheered and Jooheon still couldn’t leave his eyes from you.

~~~

Since many asked so nicely for the next part! :) I hope you like it so far. While writing it, I listened to Monsta X - See you again

I’m so sad, but this scenario will end soon, the ending is close T_T I’m thankful for any comment you send. I’m open to any critiques, I really wanna improve my writing, so tell me what you think.

Now come the following tags, if you want to get tagged for the next part please write me or comment under this one!

@lidda​

[lambourngb]

1 Hi! I saw the Michael wants a family w/ Alex thread & saw you're maybe planning a fic. First off I am such a fan and feel free to delete this if it in anyway offends bec i I swear it's never my intent. It's your fic and you can 1000% write w/ever you want. I can't figure out how to reply to the thread but I saw someone putting in a request not to shade M for not wanting kids. So I thought maybe it'd be okay to reach out too w/ a concern (i hope I'm not overstepping, if so ignore me please).

2 I get that the idea of including her in the 1st place was from a comment who wanted a fun petty moment (no judgement) but it grew to addressing Michael's passiveness. I just wanted to put it out there that I hope incl. her doesn't come off as if she's the 1st option for this. Given the OG text post, it'd be great if Alex is the 1st person Michael thinks of when thinking about a child. The idea of it being a last resort or that he went to someone else 1st just makes me so anxious and sad.

3 I feel like Alex deserves better & that Michael chooses him because he wants to not bec he has no options so I hope it isn't written like that. The show forcing things is tiring me out and it's making me anxious about things I'm usually pretty chill about. I don't even know if you will write it and I don't mean any harm. I hope you're not mad and I didn't offend & this isn't coming off as whiny or demanding, I was just rly hoping to reach out to voice a concern. Thanks for reading.

Hi Nonnie- first of all, thank you. I’m glad you enjoy my writing! That’s always nice to hear. And second of all, I’m not offended and I completely understand your anxiety about Alex being a second choice here with Michael. I’ve always believed that Maria has been Michael’s second choice in canon. He’s convinced himself that things are too hard with Alex and it’s best to give up. I hate that for Michael because it says a lot of things about his non-existent self esteem and his abandonment issues. Anyway, my “Michael wants a family” story is just a nebulous idea at the moment and is obviously something I won’t dive into until I finish off Last Year’s Wishes. I basically smack my brain with a rolled up newspaper and say “No! focus on the thing you started before you start another!”.

When I am ready to dive in- here’s what I’m thinking and hopefully this helps gauge your future interest in this story- like Last Year’s Wishes, I like to write from one limited point of view. I have only tried briefly to write from Michael’s POV, but I feel like this story has to be told from his and that’s intimidating as hell, haha, especially because I feel a deep connection to Alex.

What we know from canon regarding kids and a family is- Michael wants a family. Other than Isobel leaving the door open for herself in the future, he’s the only one who has definitively said he wants kids. I don’t know how Maria or Alex feels about kids, Maria I think I can guess on (more on that below), but Alex, other than saying that Roswell felt like home for the first time because of Michael (triggering Maria’s iconic line “Home can be a person”) hasn’t said much in the way of marriage and family. The fact he bought or rented a house in Roswell, instead of the cabin - maybe that signals he wants to set down roots? Maybe he just hated the commute from the cabin?

Maria is a little easier for me to make a guess over, and I could be wrong, but she’s been working extremely hard to support herself and her mother for many years. Did she dream about being a singer? Did she ever want to leave Roswell? We don’t know, but she is savvy with money and is constantly looking for opportunities to better her position in life financially. And that financial security is still shakey with her 24/7 hustle. Nursing home care in the US is so costly it could be considered a crime, and with Mimi not being old enough to qualify for social security or medicare, that cost is on Maria’s shoulders. From a young age- Maria’s entire focus on the future was based around the knowledge that she was going to have to take care of her mother. I don’t know if that leaves energy for the idea of taking care of a child. Maria also knew she too would face this neurological disorder at some point and become a burden herself. Now does the bracelet stop her decline? How long does the pollen’s keep things in check? And if she does keep her mind healthy and intact, what sort of thing would she be passing on to a more-than-50 percent alien child?

Again I could be projecting my own feelings here, but I just get the vibe that Maria has a lot of caretaker burnout still and is reaching for things that make her feel good in the moment but is in no hurry to take on another big future responsibility outside of making enough money to survive.

And what does that mean for Michael’s relationship with her? If he wants to have a long-term relationship with Maria, he would have to let go of the idea of kids. Here’s the thing, that Michael himself said, he’s good at giving up. He gave up college, he gave up on hope/people, he gave up on the idea he could have a happy ending with Alex- everywhere you look in canon, you see him holding up empty hands when it comes to things he wants and basically saying “I tried for a bit, it was hard, so I’m done trying” (and personally I think he tried for 10 years with Alex, the longest and most stubborn grab for happiness).

Other people get him to keep pushing past that impulse to give up - Liz when it came to curing Isobel, Liz again when it came to saving Max, and Alex- when it came to looking for some hope in a dark story (Nora and Tripp). So I want Michael to be the one who pushes himself past that impulse. I want him to come face to face with his oldest, most wanted desire (A family) and draw a line in the sand, and so no, “I want this, I want this for me” and not back away when it causes conflict with someone else.

But here’s the thing, Michael’s so used to “going where you want me” that I think even in the face of Maria saying “you know, kids aren’t in the future here” he would still try to make it work. I have long joked that I ship everyone on RNM with a therapist (except for Kyle, who is perfect) but I really want Michael to seek out help. I think he would go, but for entirely the wrong purpose- in my story, he would go see a therapist and say to them, “I can fix a busted transmission, but I can’t fix this. Can you help me with this? She doesn’t want a family but I do. How can I change myself”

And oh boy is that a pandora’s box for a therapist. Digging into the meat of you don’t think people will stay so you push them away- Alex, then when they do express they want you, you don’t believe it will last so why bother trying again. In the process of Michael trying to fix himself so he can preserve his relationship with Maria, he discovers though guidance - that he can’t be a good partner if he’s not good to himself, and letting someone else’s desires supersede his own isn’t healthy. Then finding the balance after you figure out you can say no- because compromise is also important.

Somewhere in this mess is Sanders, who after hearing that Michael’s ready to ditch the idea of being someone’s dad, shakes him by the shirt collar. Explaining to Michael that just maybe he should have tried harder all those years ago to be someone who could adopt him, that shame never leaves him. Trying twice was good but not good enough, who’s to say the third time wouldn’t have been successful? But somewhere along the line Sanders decided it was easier to be the old gin-soaked junkyard dog than be someone who was willing to do the work of sobriety. Does Michael want to follow in his footsteps? Leave some kid in a place they don’t belong if he has the ability and desire to provide a home? And Michael decides he is done telling himself it won’t work out, that he wants this with an impulse stronger than his self-defeatist instincts.

And that is the death knell on his relationship with Maria- incompatible.

Then, because I’m a Malex shipper through and through, there’s Alex. He’s shown up for Michael all through season 2. And in my eyes, they’ve worked on their friendship (drown in those 2x04 feels) and Michael calls him for advice, lays out what’s going on with him and Alex supports him on that path to being happy. Alex gently probing him about how long he’s had this dream of being a parent, hearing how it predated senior year, but after senior year Michael inserted Alex into the dream. Michael sharing even after everything, he still thinks of Alex of being there, maybe an uncle? And Alex, overwhelmed by how serious Michael was and maybe still is? Takes it slow, this can’t be a rebound, just urges him to take the small steps, like mentoring with Big Brothers/Big Sisters or through the YMCA.

Those logical steps get escalated when Michael discovers a hitchhiker stowed away in flatbed of his tow trunk after a stop at a rest area. He sees himself in this angry, but desperate kid. He doesn’t want to give the kid up and so he calls on Alex yet again, to do a background check to make sure the story is true and then pleads for him to help. Make Michael foster-parent worthy in the eyes of the law. I don’t know if this skirts the fear you have that Alex is the last resort? In my mind, his two oldest desires are having a kid AND having Alex, and once he works out he can have the first, he realizes that all is not lost with Alex as well.

Anyway my very long thoughts on this story I AM NOT WRITING RIGHT NOW: a take on ‘fake engagement because of CPS’ where Alex installs Michael into his house all so they could give a home to this stray kid. 

[purplesurveys]

984

Have you ever tried Turkish Delight? No. I’ve looked up photos of it before and it has genuinely never looked appealing; sorry to those who are delighted (heh heh) by them :/ I’m willing to try it if I ever get the chance, but I really doubt that I’ll enjoy.

Do you have a Vietnamese restaurant in your town or city? They’re a lot less common than other Asian restaurants, but I think we do have a fair share, yeah. The most common are banh mi joints. I think the reason why they aren’t super popular in my country is that Vietnamese dishes tend to be veggie-heavy - at least that’s the impression of most people here - and with Filipinos loving rice and meat in everything they eat, other cuisines simply end up being more popular, like Thai and Chinese.

Do you or have you ever owned a portable gaming console? Yes; we had a couple of PSPs and a DSi as kids. These days, we have a Switch.

Have you ever been in a car with a sunroof? Yeah the Vitara has one. It’s my favorite trick to pull off whenever a friend is riding with me in it for the first time, haha. Everyone always gets so excited about it.

Do you have to have an occasion to eat out or do you just do it for fun? Back in college I allotted a certain portion of my weekly allowance to be able to eat out once or twice a week. Food is the way to my heart and happiness and it just felt good to have nice food, man. I didn’t want to have to wait for occasions to be able to eat at my favorite restaurants.

Have you opened a letter today? No, I haven’t.

How far away is the closest cinema from your house? It’s around a 10-15 minute drive.

Have you ever been to the emergency room? Nope.

Are you one of those people who can’t go without their morning coffee? I wasn’t for a very long time, but it’s starting to become that way now that I’ve started having a regular 9-6 shift. I find that I’m way crankier and am prone to crying from anxiety if I don’t make myself a cup of coffee. When I do, I feel super productive and more motivated to do work.

Have you ever worn fake eyelashes? Twice. Once for junior prom and the next was for my college grad photo shoot.

Do you know the story of how your parents met? If so, tell me? They both started out as part of the kitchen crew in a luxury hotel in the city, my mom as a waitress and my dad as a cook. My mom started pursuing my dad when she discovered what school he came from lol because priorities, I guess.

What is your favorite Chinese food? Minced pork with eggplants is a huge favorite of mine. Xiao long bao and pork buns (steamed or baked) are also suuuuuper good.

Would you ever work at a movie theater? Probably not at this point in my life. It would’ve been a nice gig during college.

Do you have a phone charger in your car? Yessir. I need one since I constantly use Waze to get to anywhere for both directions and traffic updates, and the LTE I need for that drains my battery.

Do you live far from your parents? No, they’re like 10 steps away, in another room.

Have you ever submitted a video to Funniest Home Videos? Nope. I always loved the videos though and the show made up a big part of my childhood.

Have you ever been attracted to an authority figure? I’ve found several teachers attractive before, yeah. The biggest crush I had was on my biology teacher...I think everyone else had a crush on her too lol, she was the personification of beauty and brains.

Do you think you have a wide vocabulary? I mean I guess I know more words than most people my age...but I also feel that my vocabulary still would’ve been a lot wider if I just continued to read well into my teenage years and now as a young adult.

What was the last hot food you ate? Lumpia.

Have you ever seen a meteor shower? I don’t think so.

Describe your current position: I’m sitting up on my bed, laptop on my lap, right leg outstretched with my left leg tucked underneath it.

Have you used a microwave today? It’s only 5:01 AM, so I haven’t. We’ll see about today.

What was the last electronic device you purchased? I don’t really buy electronics. I’m more likely to buy accessories for the stuff I already have, and the last one I got was a new case for my phone.

Have you ever slept through an alarm? I think so; only a few times though. I wake up from them easily.

Do you have any celebrity crushes? Kristen Stewart and Kate Winslet are where it’s at for me, y’all.

Do you prefer going out for coffee or brewing your own? I can go either way. Coffee is coffee. I don’t mind making my own for convenience, or paying a few hundred bucks for a little more quality coffee.

Have you consumed caffeine today? If so, in what form? Yeah I have a cup of 3-in-1 barako coffee beside me. I actually made this cup at like, 7 PM last night...then I fell asleep for a bit, woke up at midnight, fucked around for a few hours and now I’m back to drinking it at 5 AM, ha.

Do you have lactose intolerance or know anyone who does? I have a mild case of it. It’s not a complete disaster for me to eat cheese or consume milk, and I wouldn’t say that my trips to the bathroom afterwards are emergencies. My body has for the most part been nice to me, hahaha.

Do you know anyone who follows a raw vegan diet and lifestyle? Not to my knowledge, no.

Have you killed a bug this week? Probably.

What was the first food you learned how to cook? I followed a recipe for onion rings a few months ago and that was super fun, but I haven’t followed that up yet so I dunno if it’s right to say I ‘learned’ it. 

Do you have a Bachelor’s degree? If so, what in? Journalism.

How many email accounts do you have? Four, but honestly I barely use the Outlook one anymore. I have three main email addresses on Gmail.

Can you go see a doctor alone or do you like to take someone with you? My parents come with me because they take care of the finances and insurance that go with things like that.

Have you ever made your own pasta noodles from scratch? Hmm, I don’t think so.

How long is your average shower? 5-10 minutes.

How close is the nearest park from your house? We don’t have any public parks because my country sucks, but my village has a few small parks that residents can flock to and walk their dogs in or bring their kids to play in or whatever. The nearest one is a 10-15 minute walk or a 2-minute drive away, depending on how you prefer to get there. Which household chore do you hate the most? Cleaning up dog pee.

Have you ever been to an all-you-can-eat buffet? So many times. They’re very common here and there are a lot of restaurants that solely have a buffet gimmick. Sambo Kojin was my favorite, and I’m really hoping their business wasn’t affected by this stupid virus.

Can you see out any windows from where you are? Yup.

Do you like pineapple on pizza? No, but I also don’t like pineapples and all other fruits.

What color is your soap? Green or white. I don’t really pay attention.

Is anything bothering you right now? Just about all the time, yes.

When’s the last time you had a headache? Sometime this week or last week.

What woke you up this morning? I woke up naturally as I normally do these days.

Are you planning to go see a movie anytime soon? Yeah my workmates have been watching American Murder on Netflix and all of them so far are raving about it, so I want to give that a shot soon.

Will you sleep alone tonight? I always sleep alone. 

How do you feel right now? Confused at my lack of drowsiness and a little sad but it’s manageable for now.

Is shyness cute? I don’t feel any particular way towards it. I suppose it can be endearing and it can also be annoying.

Will you be up before 7:00 a.m. tomorrow? I already am.

What are your plans for tonight? Maybe keep doing surveys or send in my online interview that a company I’m applying to asked me to accomplish. I didn’t even know do-it-on-your-own-time interviews were a thing; it’s super convenient and removes my anxiety of being interviewed in real time by strangers.

Would you rather write in pink pen or blue pen? Blue.

Have you ever kissed the last person you text messaged? Yes.

Who was the last person you cried in front of? Just myself. Haven’t cried in front of anyone in a while.

Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yep.

Have you smoked a cigarette in the past 24 hours? No, but could definitely use one.

Were you happy when you woke up today? Nah I woke up crying I think. It was one of the more difficult mornings.

Are you the youngest sibling? I’m the eldest.