#I had to sketch this out or else it was going to be rotating in my brain endlessly while im trying to work

[averlym]

ghost story premiere day! check @melliotwrites for more info

[fatedroses]

I swear I'm gonna be paranoid for this specific gradient of ourple.

[grison-in-space]

Hi fellow neuroscientist and animal behavior observer! What's up? It's a weird ass time to be a scientist in the US right now. Like there's the doom and despair taking up most of my brain but also I have a lab presentation in 1.5 weeks and my committee meeting two weeks after that. How do you make yourself focus on lab/science stuff?

I'm so sorry it's taken me a while to get back to you; I've been rotating this ask in my mind for over a week now. I hope your lab presentation went well, and I hope your committee meeting does, too. Bear in mind that I am reeling as much as anyone else, but... well, I have had a lot of things happen during my academic career, and I have had some practice with this by now. I was displaced from my home three or four times during grad school, and all but once that was because of climate change related flooding. (I actually cannot remember offhand. That kind of thing fucks with your ability to reckon in chronological time, which is why no one has been able to work out how years work since 2020 at latest.) I did my PhD in Texas, too, which gave me some exciting experiences around campus violence and guns.

But maybe the biggest thing for me is that I started grad school in 2012, right in time for the government sequester of 2013. That was the year Patty Brennan (of corkscrew duck penis fame) published an article in Animal Behaviour laying out helpful tips in case your research is targeted as "wasteful spending" by members of Congress seeking to reduce scientific funding. Brennan's work legitimately is groundbreaking--I started out close enough to her field to be able to say that almost no one was looking at vaginal anatomy when she started and she's really driven the field of reproductive conflict forward by systematically looking at methods by which females exert "cryptic choice" to control their own reproductive futures. But it sounds silly at first blush in a sound bite, so she immediately became a target when her work went viral. And that paper came out a decade ago, and we are no better than when we started.

I've gotten pretty good at working through grief and fear, and I've tangled with burnout more than once. So how do you handle it when everything is overwhelming and frightening?

You sketch out the work you can do, and you do it as best you can. Same as anyone else.

Here's the thing. You're a budding scholar. Whatever your field is, you probably know more about it than anyone who isn't a scholar in your field already, and you care about broader justice or you wouldn't be asking me this. This makes you a precious potential resource for whatever activist cause is nearest and dearest to your heart. You are placed, as a person whose career is focused on the pursuit of knowledge, in a position of great authority. Yes, even as a PhD student, although I do agree that having the PhD makes the things you say even more impactful. But you'd be surprised how far even just "PhD student" can go when you're making a stand.

You are a valuable voice when it comes to the intersection of your expertise and your community--and by that, I don't just mean your discipline and your geographical location; I mean your lived experiences and your identities too. If you burn out, your voice and effort may be completely irreplaceable. So make sure you don't burn out, but don't waste your potential to speak out, either. You can do that by working out what your "beat" is: pick one to two things you care really deeply about working on in the world, that you want to make better, and focus on those. Use your authority to make changes.

Currently, my "beat" is focused on disability justice (especially in terms of neurodivergence) and sex/gender, because those are communities I am part of and that I think deeply about. My work there can take a lot of forms: shoving hard on the pernicious medical thought process that tends to conceptualize disorder and disease as a deviation from a uniform functional population; pointing out the complexity inherent in sex differences and sex itself; building relationships with disabled academics to make networks for one another so that we can better support trainees as well as ourselves building alliances between disability justice scholars and researchers tackling these topics with an eye towards integrating the comments and interests of disabled people into the field of study that theoretically focuses on us. These are topics that tie into my research interests (context dependence, decisionmaking, strategy, developmental plasticity, etc) but also into my sense of justice and the communities in which I spend my life as an autistic queer butch.

Think about the things you care most about making better, and think about how those things intersect with your research interests. Is there a bathroom bill you could write a deposition for explaining how complicated sex actually is? A local news reporter who could use a scientist talking about the long term climate impacts of the new fracking project up the road? A new policy on immigrant familial separation that is going to lead to kids with major attachment issues down the line and increase the odds of terrible outcomes? Creative ways to send promising undergrads from underrepresented backgrounds on for new opportunities if you live in a state where DEI initiatives have been banned? (Man, that was an exhausting conversation to have with the North Carolina folks at my last conference. And the Floridians.) Where will your voice carry the most weight for the amount of energy you allocate to it?

Here's my best stab at practical advice for junior trainees:

Figure out what your limit for practical engagement is and defend it viciously. The thing about being in academia, and about having the PhD for that matter, is that it gives you a lot of leverage for speaking authoritatively about problems in your field and in your community. This, too, can be a form of activism and shaping the world. But if that's the weapon you are making out of your career, you can't also be an effective organizer on the ground for eight different local causes. You can't do everything at once, so pick a limited subset of things to focus on and work on those. Like academia, public impact will suck you dry if you let it, so you have to set boundaries and you have to be clear with yourself about that.

As always with research, your topic should be something you're interested in. Apply your priorities as a human being to your research. Move your project in directions you really care about and which are aligned with your values. Talk with your mentors about how you pitch that to other scientists in your field, of course, but if you're really shaken and scared by the political climate... well, better to apply that to your work than to not be able or interested in focusing on the work at all.

Look for things to celebrate and militantly celebrate them, even if it feels silly. You submitted a manuscript? Make a special dinner. You survived your committee meeting? Meet up with a couple of friends for coffee and cheering. You need things to cheer about, and your job is not going to naturally provide them, so lay out things you can celebrate and celebrate them even if you don't feel like you really achieved anything. (Your PI should help with this, but a lot of them don't. If your PI is absentee, try to find labmates or colleagues to celebrate when you can.) Joy and pride fuel us to keep going; make sure you are feeding them. You do not need money to make this happen, either: there are inexpensive ways to make things feel special, even if your stipend doesn't stretch nearly far enough.

Especially if your lab isn't full of people in your corner, make some friends who feel the same way you do about your "beat". Fellow activists (or just people who care) about your biggest priority are a great choice. Back in the day, I would have exhorted you to join Twitter to build that network; these days, I think most everyone is on Bluesky or Mastodon. You need people who get you and who are in your corner, and you need people who don't have power over your career to help you weather it when the storms rise.

People in the midst of despair don't know the future, either. There will be victories to come moving forward. It will be impossible to imagine them as you are today. The future is murky and uncertain, and you never know what battles you can win until you pitch them. Don't let anyone tell you a battle has been lost until you fight it, and don't make the mistake of thinking that what you do today doesn't matter intensely.

Life is iterative: it always starts from what you do today, and small aggregate decisions have a lot more power over the whole than any individual large one. If you don't like the direction you're going, you can always change direction for a while and see where you go. The best time to plant a tree was ten years ago; the second best time is now.

Find ways to take breaks completely from the political situation. Currently, I have just gotten into Minecraft for the first time, and I am playing a lot of stupid pixelated escapism games. You have to have time to recharge yourself away from all of it. Whatever that looks like to you is good enough. I need, personally, to get back into going for long walks in the woods; that one is one of my old reliable helpful ways to think without getting overwhelmed about it.

So. I don't know if anything has gotten better or worse for you over the last couple of weeks, but I hope for better for you. As for me... well, it's probably time to go back to my grant. We're short on funding going into this mess and who knows if the grant I'm writing for an explicitly DEI-oriented program will survive the coming hammer blows long enough to get it in. Even if it doesn't, I have a couple of book pitches I'll write up and a couple of suggestions for jobs along the way I can take. I can always redirect my effort to a new direction.

Take care of yourselves, friends.

[bellswlw]

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ it’s cold here without you ⇨ e. williams

ellie williams x afab!reader

wc: 6k

part 1.5 | part two | masterlist

summary: after Ellie manages to finally get you to pose for her after arriving in Jackson months ago, you two attend the winter dance and it’s then that you realize you might like ellie as more than just a friend…

cw: bff!ellie, mutual pining, jealousy, drug use (weed), alcohol consumption, inexperienced reader, artist!ellie, some fluff, edging (r!receiving kinda), love confessions, making out in semi public space (???) basically grumpy x sunshine, gardener!reader —lmk if there are more tags to add pls—

a/n: this was going to be angsty and sad but then this just happened so enjoy! (please be nice this is my first public wlw post and first fic i’ve been proud of in a minute so pls, pls just don’t be mean. i’ve been so nervous to post this all week help) proofread but there’s probably still some mistakes tbh

From the moment you walked into Jacksons gates, Ellie knew something. Something so small rang in her ears. So much so it almost hurt, it made her want to wince at the sight of you like you were a walking orb of fire and you had just exploded right in front of her.

She knew when you met Shimmer for the first time, she knew in the dining hall, and at the library and the school and the church. Especially at the church. She knew she would never be able to let you go. But she knew she would have to, eventually.

|

You spun slowly around in Ellie’s desk chair, your head resting back as the smoke filled your lungs more and more with each rotation.

“Please. I don’t want to go alone, I won’t know anyone else there.” you say up into the ceiling while you wait for a response. You hear the crackle of weed burning straight through Ellie’s chest before anything else.

Her voice drops a little low when she finally speaks, the smoke falling from her lips like fog rolling over a still lake. “I’m sure Dina will be there. And Jesse. And literally everyone else.” Ellie was stretched out on the futon from across the room, caring less about the stupid winter dance.

You look at her then, a little dizzy and absolutely appalled that she wouldn’t want to go and watch people get drunk and dance to No Scrubs while high out of your minds.

She was never the type for large happy gatherings, but you figured she would go if she got to sit and watch for entertainment.

“Not everyone.” you whispered to yourself with a quick raise of your eyebrow before glancing at your hands quick enough to avoid Ellie's eyes that were suddenly boring into you.

Ellie sat up; the joint now glued to her lips.

“It’s a fuckin’ winter dance. In the Church. C’mon, how fun could it really be?”

You look up. Seeing how her eyes never left your face. Like you were meeting her there, through a dirty window with the reflection of her hazily standing beside you. A window that hasn't been buffed out yet, just a little foggy. Just a little.

“Well, it would be more fun if you went with me. Please. Just for an hour? Then we can come back here and do whatever you wanna do. Even if it's just sitting around. And you can draw me… if you want to.” you added the last part in a hushed tone, like the words were timid to come out.

But you had been secretly hoping she would since you got here.

You loved watching her draw, her fingers tracing over the paper so gently, like it was skin. Almost like it was yours. You wished it was… sometimes.

She looked away from you, drawing in another drag before she rested her elbows on her knees, legs spread wide.

Ellie had been wanting to draw you since the day you got here. The shape of your hips and the slope of your neck had haunted her pages for months. Erasing and sketching them again and again from memory. She wouldn’t let the opportunity pass her up and spit her out.

She sighed, trying to gauge if you had really meant it. Your tell wasn’t working since you were already beat red from just offering yourself up.

“Fine. Let’s just do it now, while we have time to spare.” was what she said instead, swallowing back her excitement and clearing her throat.

Ellie reaches over to you, handing you the joint and gently flexes her hand in your direction to tell you to finish it.

There wasn’t much left, maybe a little more than a roach. You took it from her a little eagerly, wanting the smoke to smooth your lungs and the quickend beat in your chest caused by Ellie’s hand grazing yours.

It didn’t take very long or much for you to feel it. You were such a lightweight.

Ellie of course found it hilarious when she realized. Catching on and laughing at you from across the room when you started giggling at the word “Infectious.”

Maria had said your laugh was “infectious” in the stables and considering the circumstances, it was true. Only, this time Ellie wasn’t immune to it. She had followed suit and ducked her head over her shoulder away from you to collect herself while shimmer groaned in relief.

“It’s just so—“ you cut yourself off, burying your face in your knees while sitting on the floor against the side of Ellie’s bed frame.

The distance was necessary since you had only met a few days prior.

Ellie looked up at you, with her brows pulled together in confusion before she put two and two together.

“Wait. Are you high?” she asked with a chuckle.

The room was clouded with a thin layer of smoke, barely enough to be able to see to the naked eye.

Your eyes had shot open wide, terrified.

“You are! Holy shit, this is good.” her voice carved the words into you then, the goosebumps running through your legs until they reached your core and exploded there with millions of needles with nowhere to go. You were soaked.

Ellie hadn’t laughed that hard in a minute, with her hand flat on her stomach to try and help the coiling feeling deep in her stomach.

“That’s fucking hilarious.” she murmured, her head falling back against the futon before taking a hit so big her cheeks had funneled in.

“Shut up.”

You were bright red with embarrassment and Ellie couldn’t look you in the eye without the image burning into her mind for the next week.

You think back on it now and what took place only a few hours before, letting a dry chuckle fall from your lips and echo into the quiet of the room.

Ellie’s still for a moment, but then joins in and laughs hard enough for her body to jolt with each exhale.

“What?” her tell floats to the surface immediately as she wipes the bow above her lip nervously.

“Do… do you remember that one time–” You stifle back a small laugh with your hand, slightly doubled over in the chair and your other flat against the coffee table for support.

“What?” she asks again, an unsteady smile creeping its way in.

“When… when we were– I can’t!” you confess, letting out a burst of laughter and slowly sliding down onto the floor.

“What?!” Ellie exclaims, a laugh finally falling from her lips while her hands tense out in front of her.

“When we were in the stab… stables. And I met Shimmer? And then I was petting her ears and all of this sudden, she rips absolute ass! Do you remember that?!” you let out a laugh, deeper from within your stomach causing you to hold onto it with both hands as the giggles ate you alive.

Ellie lets the smile on her face break, and then after hearing you kick your feet against the floor she erupts too, leaning over a bit to join in.

“You got so scared!” she exclaims, which only sends you further into a fit of laughter, breathing heavily for a few seconds and then starting right back up again.

“It was… It was so loud! An– and long?!?”

Ellie eventually joins you on the floor, laughing hard enough to where a vein is popping from her neck, just noticeable enough to where if you reached your hand out to touch it, you could even feel her pulse.

She looks over at you, seeing your eyes pinched shut and your smile wider than she’s ever seen it before. It was incredible.

As your laughter subsides, your eyes find their way to Ellie’s. Watching you, of course.

“Oh,” you say with the smallest giggle attached, then letting it fall away to join the burning embers that lifted the hair off your skin.

She smiled at you, fully now with no hesitation. “Can I draw you?” she asked, not looking away once. Her voice became a little rusted, and it chipped on its way out of her throat like a stone on pavement.

You fought the urge to crack. “Sure.” you said instead, and looked away from her quickly just to pull your eyes back to her slightly parted lips.

Ellie’s smile faltered a moment, resting on her side next to you. She didn't want to get up. She wanted to keep this image of you alive inside her head for the rest of her life. She wanted to keep you forever. Obviously she knew she couldn’t. She’d fuck it up sooner or later.

“What?” you ask, gaping at her with so much love plastered on your cheeks it almost looked fake. Too saturated. Too real. Ellie had the urge to swipe the pad of her thumb across it just to see if it would smudge. She knew it wouldn’t. She just wanted an excuse.

Instead, Ellie glanced away –finally– and lifted a hand to the right side of your face, tucking a single strand of hair behind your ear gently. You froze.

“Just um, put this right here.” she whispered.

Her eyes were glued on yours. The beautiful emerald that made your heart freeze in time just jumped into a millions beats per minute with the touch of her hand alone.

Ellie’s hand was still hovering over your jaw, like she was afraid you would fade away if she let you go.

But she had to. She knew that, some part of her had to know that.

Her hand fell back at her side, and Ellie cleared her throat one more time.

“Um, stay just stay how you are. I’ll draw you just like this, yeah?” you were too stunned to speak, so you nodded once and swallowed back the butterflies that had just burst in your stomach.

“Okay.” you could hear the smile in her voice as she got up on her feet in one quick motion, leaving you to stare mindlessly at the door.

You felt like you were posing naked for her somehow, like she had stripped you clean and she would be basing her art off of you. You hated how self conscious you suddenly felt, but selfishly you loved how excited she got.

And just like that, you're burning up again, your cheeks catch the flint and light is bursting from beneath your skin.

You smother it. You act calm, and cool, and not like you are the horniest you've ever been around someone you could never have.

You don’t move a muscle when Ellie sets down pads of paper, jars of brushes, ink, parchment paper, water color, and charcoal all within a minute or two and is sitting down next to you again.

She put her hands to her mouth, unable to keep her excitement hidden. “Okay. Um. Just, uh, yeah just stay exactly how you are. Try not to move. Or laugh.” you can’t help but let the smirk sink into your face before playfully scoffing under your breath.

You followed her instructions word for word. You didn’t move. No matter how badly you had to pee. You wouldn’t move until she was done.

And so far, it felt like you had been posing for what felt like 2 hours based on how many pieces of paper Ellie had already used, and the fact that the water was completely dark with no more room for ink. Or that her fingers were coated in charcoal and it had smudged on her face as she tried relentlessly to keep the stray hair behind her ear.

But you watched her. You watched her hands dance across the paper like skin. Your skin. –on paper anyway– You noticed her tongue dipping in and out of her mouth as she concentrated on capturing the curve of your arm and the texture of your jeans that made you want to crawl out of them.

Ellie couldn't get the images of you on paper fast enough. There were so many. She had to get it absolutely perfect: the slope of your nose, your crooked hairline caused from laying on your side, the delicacy of your fingers as they rested on the curve of your hip. She had to get all of them out right now or else she would have to keep memorizing and sketching and staring.

Secretly, she wanted to keep a few for herself too. To remind herself that you were real, and that she had you at one point. Ellie only had so much ink and charcoal left, but she didn’t care, she would use it all. She would draw you a million times if it meant you would look at her like this just one more time. She would do anything… anything for you. If she just had the chance, she’d take it. Instead of running away to catch the lungs that were sprinting away from her.

But she would try, with all the power and love she's ever had. She would give it all to you, and you wouldn’t even have to ask. Ellie would give it up willingly, she would beg you to take it from her and say “I don't know what to do with it.”

“Hm?” you ask from your position on the floor. “Do with what?” and her eyes flickered towards you.

She forgot you were really there. That you weren’t another dream. That you could see her.

Ellie cleared her throat and her voice broke when she spoke again.

“Um, the drawing. It’s done. I don’t know what to do with it.” she looked at you one last time before you shot up from the floor and sat next to her.

“Can I see it?!” you said, cheery like a child who had just had their picture taken in a cardboard cutout stand.

“Yeah.”

Ellie turned the pad over to you, and just when she thought she hated it you covered your mouth with both hands and let in a sharp inhale.

You were quiet for a moment, and Ellie was still a little worried you saw right through her until you turned to look at her with tears pooling in your eyes.

“Oh, Ellie. Holy shit. This is the best one yet.”

She let herself feel a little proud then, a smile fighting its way onto her face once again. She never knew why she was always fighting it, it would happen nearly every single time.

“That’s just because I made you look so good.” and she nudged you a little.

“Shut the fuck up, I’m serious. It’s beautiful Els.” and you turned away to look back at the drawing before blinking away the tears in your eyes.

There’s a moment there, where the two of you are staring at… you. “No one’s ever drawn me before. It's weird looking at myself like this.” and you then felt Ellie’s eyes burn the side of your face, begging for you to look at her.

You tilt your head slightly, not stripping your eyes away from the page until the very last second.

Ellie was blushing. She was fucking blushing.

She looked away the second your eyes had found hers.

“Here, you can have it.” and she folded the page into your hand and held it there for a beat.

A beat too long.

The glass was clearing up, the fog dissipating into thin air at lightning speed.

You cleared your throat in hopes to silently slice the tension that was building around the two of you.

“Thanks.” you let your eyes fall to your lap. “We should uh, probably get ready.”

Ellie looks away again, patting her thighs as she exhales swiftly. “Yeah. Yeah, let's do it.”

|

“Come on, I don’t wanna be the last one there! It’s already started.”

You leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom, actually watching Ellie fix her hair. It was pulled back into a low bun, and the layered pieces kept falling forward, not wanting to swoop back with the rest of it.

“I just, I can’t get this fucking— oh, god dammit!” she exclaimed, letting her hands fly out at her sides and grip the edge of the bathroom counter to take a breath.

“Here, let me help you.”

You took a step off the frame, pulling a pin from your hair and gently stepping up to Ellie to slide the pin into place. You must have accidentally got her scalp because she squeezed one eye shut and let a small wince escape her lips.

“Sorry.” you said, and tapped the pin to make sure it was snug.

You felt Ellie’s eyes on you from the reflection of the mirror. Of course. They were burning into you like the reflection of a magnifying glass.

Ellie’s hands grip harder on the countertop, watching your delicate fingers play with the pin. Collecting strands of her hair and then gently sweeping them behind it as gently as she can so as not to poke you again.

“Thanks.” she says instead, and lets go of the counter with a gentle push. Her hands have a red mark from her grip that when she flexes her hands, she feels her skin pull with resistance.

“Yeah.” you look away, even though you feel the warmth radiating off of her. Sending something through you.

“Okay. Let's go before we’re stuck outside. I heard they are checking for ID." There's a joke somewhere in her voice, but it gets buried by the sudden feeling of your hand twisted in yours.

“Ellie, your hand is freezing.” you say, entirely missing the joke she was trying to make and placing your other hand around hers.

She looked down to see her hand barely covered by both of yours, and she lets the feeling of your skin melt into hers like molten lava.

She was always lighting you on fire. Now, you were warming her up, meeting her halfway.

|

The dance was better than Ellie had expected. The room was full of people in cowboy boots and actually square dancing. Not just in the movies like she thought.

And you were smiling from ear to ear, happy to see so many people laughing and having fun while they still could. So of course Ellie was happy to be there. She fucking lived to see you smile like you were right now.

“I’m gonna get a drink, do you want anything?” Ellie said against your neck, yelling over the music.

“No! I’m gonna dance.” and she nodded, eager to let go of your hand. She didn’t want to lose you in the crowd. She didn’t want to lose you, period. But of course, she would eventually.

Your hand fell from hers as you made your way into the line dance, knocking your feet back and forth on its heel and toe while clapping your hands along to the music that was actually ‘not that bad’.

Ellie’s standing at the bar, a drink in her hand with no intention of actually drinking it. She wasn’t that big a drinker, but she wanted to keep herself busy while trying so hard not to stare at you from across the room.

It wasn't working, obviously.

She was actually glad she came, because she had never seen you this… bright. You were floating across the dancefloor like some kind of angel. She couldn’t place you. Not here anyway. You looked so out of place, with your smile wide and cheeks completely beet red from dancing, it's like you were more saturated than everyone else, like you were literally glowing.

She snaps out of it when she sees you heading over to her, a smile plastered on your face and sweat beading just above your top lip.

“Oh jeez, they weren’t kidding.” you say to her, out of breath and laughing a little.

“Who?” she asks.

“Tommy and Maria. When we were all putting the flyers up they said it would definitely be an owl here.” and you couldn’t keep it together, laughing into your hand and leaning forward into Ellie’s shoulder.

“That… was terrible.” she smirks.

She loved it.

You pull back, flexing your hands out wide at your sides before letting out a short exhale. “No, but seriously. You guys might not party very often, but when you do it gets crazy. I was drowning out there!”

“You seemed to be doing fine to me.” Ellie offered up. She was flushed.

“Oh yeah? You try going out there. It’s not as easy as it looks.” and you tilted your head playfully, emphasizing your point.

She looked down at her glass then, breaking away quick enough to avoid your eyes.

“That’s what I thought. Now, where is the bathroom?”

And Ellie took the smallest sip from her glass just before pointing to her right and bending her wrist the same direction. “Through the doors and on the right.”

You smiled at her, touching her arm with clammy hands. “Hey, dance with me when I come back?” your grasp on her was slipping away, waiting for her answer before letting go completely.

“Yeah. Sure.”

You beamed, completely unable to hide it this time. You thought you maybe didn’t have to, that you would maybe… finally… be able to clean this goddamn window for good.

You call out to her before disappearing, “Oh hey, you were right! Dina’s here!”

The second Ellie registers what you said, suddenly Dina has appeared into thin air and is dancing with someone a few feet away.

And again, a few moments later, Jesse appears from your left, a matching glass in his hand.

“She’s uh… putting on quite the show.” he says, and it's then that she looks up at her, watching as she gets dipped and the music fades out.

“I give you guys two weeks until you're back together.” and she chuckles.

“Not gonna happen.”

She looks away from him briefly, glancing into her drink that’s gone warm.

“She uh, say something to you?” Jesse asks before looking at her again.

“Make it one week.”

While Ellie’s attention is turned towards Jesse, just then Dina comes over and draws it back toward her.

“Ellie, hey!”

Jesse adjusts his posture, standing taller. It’s so obvious he wants her back.

Dina takes the drink from your hand, shooting it back and placing it on the bar behind you with a thud.

“Dina.” he says, lifting his glass, almost like he was offering it up to her.

“Jesse.” is all she says instead, eyeing him slowly.

“C’mon,” she says, and grabs Ellie’s hand.

“Wait, I was gonna–” but it's no use, because Jesse is talking over you from the bar.

“Hey! Don’t forget we're headin’ out early, so get some rest!” and before Ellie can even look back at him all the way, Dina is already talking again.

“Yes sir.”

Ellie is looking down at her feet, trying not to trip over them as Dina continues to pull her farther into the crowd of people.

“You're such a dick.” she murmured.

Dina’s hands fell easily on her shoulders moments after she placed Ellie’s on her waist.

Just then, you came out from the bathroom trying to pick through the crowd to find her, seeing the empty glass and missing spot from the bar.

You make your way over to Jesse, who you were kind of surprised to see there since he wasn’t much of a partier.

You go to ask where Ellie went, if she had somehow missed her walking into the bathroom… but the words die in your throat when you see her smack dead in the middle of the floor, with Dina rubbing her cheek against Ellie’s and a sly smile on her face.

“I hate these things.” Jesse said.

You glance over at him, noticing he was watching Ellie and Dina too.

“Tell me about it.” you say, looking back at Dina.

She has her arm wrapped around Ellie’s neck, a single hand pulling the same strand of hair that has been falling out of place all day.

The same one you pinned. The same girl who had drawn you just 2 hours ago.

The same girl… that was kissing Dina.

She… she kissed her.

Your windows shattered, shards falling to the floor like needles and with the heartbeat that had been run over and sliced clean in half.

You feel yourself wince at the sight, and before you think twice, you're up from the bar and leave through the back.

You fucking blew it.

|

Ellie’s hands were stuffed deep inside her pockets, walking around Jackson like a lost puppy.

She hadn’t seen you since the dance. Which to you both felt like a lot longer.

She looked for you afterward, apologizing to Dina before pulling away from her to ask if anyone had seen where you went, if anyone saw you leave with Jesse and wondering what the fuck just happened.

When you got home, the second you closed the door behind you you couldn't help but let the hot tears stream down your frosted cheeks.

You had tried so hard, so hard to let Ellie see how much of her you liked, and completely obvious you made it seem.

You posed for her. Not naked, but the act still made you think it was worth something. So much so that when you pulled her drawing from your backpocket, slightly smudged from dancing all night and when you had pulled it out on your way home contemplating throwing it away.

You shoved it under your pillow instead, climbing in bed shortly after and rocking yourself to sleep and trying to get the image of Ellie’s lips out of your mind.

Ellie showed up the next morning, knocking on your locked bedroom door.

It had scared her, how raw her voice sounded, and how at the same time it had never sounded softer than when she said “Hey, you in there?”

And when you didn’t reply, you could hear her let out a small sigh before stepping away from the door.

You pulled your covers tight over your head and shut your eyes tight with regret.

Eventually, you realized you had to get up to go to work. It was cold out, but luckily you had gotten to work in the greenhouse since it was a low leveled job and you enjoyed it. Plus the warmth helped too.

The greenhouse door was cracked open by a hair, a dead giveaway you were inside. You still never figured out how to latch it all the way closed, and it seemed to get heavier each time you went to move it.

Ellie pulled her lip to the side, nibbling nervously on the inside of her cheek. She felt so fucking stupid, letting Dina kiss her like that. Letting her dance with her. She was such a fuck up, as per usual.

She was walking around aimlessly, bored, and confused.

She didn't know what to do without you. It was so routine with the two of you.

You would meet Ellie at the stables after her patrol shift was over (which was usually in the mornings) and then you would hang out together at hers. And she would usually find you in the dining hall or the library if you were scheduled there.

But since the dance, she hadn’t known where you were, and it's like she had never been to this version of Jackson without you in it.

She had, years ago, but she could never remember what it was really like. Almost as if it didn’t really exist without you.

And just as she was about to head home, with the sun barely peeking out from behind the clouds, she spotted the multiple greenhouses. With one in particular that had a light striking a clear view of you inside.

Ellie pulled her hands from her pockets, a close lipped smile breaking on her face instantly.

She nudged the door with her body and her head barely visible to you from the other side.

But you felt her there. You didn’t know how, but you could tell she was standing outside the door before you saw her.

“Holy shit it's warm in here. Now I see why you always pick this over patrol.” and she watched as you plucked leaves from the tarragon plant.

“What are you doing?” you asked, not looking at her.

Your hands started to shake mildly, and you tried not to give into her eyes that burned a hole in your heart.

“Looking for you. I Thought I’d find you here.” she said, closing the door all the way (of course she'd be able to) and fumbled with her hands, a little nervous.

“I’m almost done here. I just need to take these clippings and a few other things.” your hands carry a tremble now, and Ellie can see it.

She takes a step closer to you, and it's unavoidable not to look at her now.

“Can we talk about last night?” Ellie asks with her hand flat against the workbench and her brows are pulled together in a frown.

“There's nothing to talk about. I just… I wanted to go home. I didn’t wanna bother you and Dina. you seemed like you were having fun.” as you tied the twine around the clippings, Ellie's hand covered yours on an exploded scale.

You turn your head, looking at her and seeing right through her.

“C’mon. Don’t be like that. Dina… was just being Dina. She didn’t mean anything by it.” Ellie's thumb started to form small circles on your skin, drawing you in, inch by inch.

Ellie took a small step toward you, her other hand reaching up and cooling the burning of your neck.

She leaned in toward you, and her lips grazed yours before kissing you softly. It was wrong, it was so so wrong.

You closed your eyes and a single tear rolled down your cheek fast enough to transfer to Ellie’s.

You pull your hand back from hers, taking a complete step backward and trying to conceal the tears that wanted to run down your cheeks freely.

“Do you like me, Ellie?”

The words had shocked the look off her face, only for her to reposition her brows into a confused glare.

“What?”

“Do you like me.” and there is a quiver in your voice. Her figure becomes blurry, but before she disappears completely you tilt your head and wipe your tears on the sleeve of your shirt.

“I– Yeah. Yeah, I like you. Why would I kiss you if I didn’t like you?”

“Why would Dina?”

Her head drops down between her shoulders as she sighed. She didn’t know. She didn’t. But she knew that she would rather freeze to death than lose you, she knew that much.

She pulled her lips between her teeth “I– I don’t know. I- She- Dina kissed me, okay? And she asked me to dance. I didnt– I wanted to dance with you, I wanted to…” she couldn’t say it.

“What?”

“I wanted to kiss you, alright. I wanted to even before then. Before the dance or before the stables. From the moment you got here I knew. I just didn’t know. I do now, I swear.”

You didn’t know what to say. You wanted to say everything, anything. Your lips were sealed with hot tears streaming down your face.

“Can you say something?” Her voice is merely a whisper like a jagged piece of ice dragging across your skin just light enough to form goosebumps.

You pinch your eyes shut and let your hands shakily wipe the salt water from your face.

“I– I… Ellie. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, this…”

She takes a small step toward you, grabbing a hold of your wrists gently enough for your back to meet the opposite wall of the greenhouse and boxing you in around the floor to ceiling plants that were on either side of you.

“Just, say something, please.” Ellie gave your wrists a little shake, freeing them from your face.

She looked worried now, and the thought of her thinking you didn’t like her sent a strike of sadness through you.

You move your hands fully away from your face and let them fall at your sides, lacing your fingers with Ellie’s slowly. She’s looking down at them, and swinging them softly from side to side.

“I… I liked you too. From the beginning I mean. In the dining hall when you sat next to me. I liked you then, I still do.” you confessed.

You felt the fire in your cheeks and you couldn’t meet Ellie’s eyes and you made way with her chest.

She leaned down an inch to place her forehead together with yours. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

You let out a breath, a scoff even. “I tried! I was trying this entire time. And plus, you just said you realized you liked me. I wasn’t sure.”

Her words rang through you. You shook with anticipation.

“Is that why you left last night? Because you were jealous?” and Ellie’s voice rose to a mocking tone, tugging on your hands in a playful manner.

“Shut up. I was not.” and you look away, the smile bolted across your face proudly.

“You were! Say it, say it please! Tell me how jealous you were. C’mon, tell me tell me tell me!”

And it's then that you smash your lips against Ellie’s to meet her halfway with just the very tip of your toes.

Her lips were warm with lust, her hands breaking from yours to find the soft spots behind your ears with a swipe. Ellie exhaled into your mouth immediately and your head met the back wall of the greenhouse with a soft thud.

Her tongue swiped against your bottom lip, begging for entrance that was obviously unnecessary by how quickly you parted your lips for her. She rubbed slow circles over your jaw, and soon enough her hand was traveling down the curve of your hip and squeezing there. Just enough to express a moan from you.

Ellie smirked against your lips, drawing back for a breath before kissing you harder now, not hesitating or double checking for dominance. You were absolutely floored.

Your shirt had ridden up just mere inches, and her hand was met with the small piece of bare flesh there, causing you to let in a sharp inhale through your nose.

Both of Ellie’s hands are playing with the button of your jeans, fighting to get them undone and pulled down just below your pulsing cunt.

Once her hand finally finds the band of your underwear, it's over. You were already completely unfolding right in front of her.

Your mouth falls open, and a moan slips from your lips, a little louder now as you arch your back to be flush with Ellie. She bends back the band of elastic, traveling down to reach the very top of your pussy she can already feel how wet you are for her.

Just then, both of your hands fly to grip her inked forearm. A silent warning.

“Your hand… ‘s cold.” is all you can make out.

Ellie pulls back to take a look at you. You're absolutely flushed. “D’you want me to stop?” It was genuine. She wanted this to be perfect for you. She wanted to get it right.

“I– I want to keep going, but I-” and Ellie uncoiled her hand from beneath your pants to rest it on your hip.

“I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t ready for.” she let her arms straighten against you, waiting for you to reply.

“I’m ready. Really. I just don’t really wanna… do it here. It’s kinda dirty. And also probably illegal. And I really do have to take that stuff in.”

Ellie smiled. “You’re cute. Why don’t we take them together, and then, if you want, we can go hang out at mine?”

You looked at her with a tight lipped grin. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

[lady-embers]

"A thing of secret, lovely beauty"

Artist: Kloartz over on IG!

~Gwyn nimbly rolled to her feet, grinning so broadly that Nesta was momentarily taken aback by it. The priestess had been pretty in the library, but with that joy, that confidence as she aimed for the three priestesses, she had emerged into a beauty to rival Merrill or Mor.

~Gwyn’s fingers slid into hers, squeezing tight. Nesta looked up to find her holding Emerie’s free hand as well. Gwyn smiled again, her eyes bright. “Our stories are worth telling.”

~Gwyn let out a high-pitched noise that was nothing but pure excitement. Azriel, on the other side of the ring with the rest of the priestesses, half-turned at the sound, brows high.

~Azriel had winnowed her and Cassian here after training, but hadn’t lingered. Apparently, Gwyn wanted him to go over dagger handling, so he’d left them with a promise to return in an hour.

From the bonus chapter: Which happens inbetween Ch. 58/59 of ACOSF

~His shadows peered over his wings at her.  The young priestess smiled--and Azriel thought it might have been directed at his curious shadows.

~“Aren't you cold?" His breath clouded in front of him.  Gwyn shrugged. "Once you get moving, you stop noticing it."  He nodded, silence falling. For a heartbeat, their gazes met. He blocked out the bloody memory that fashed, so at odds with the Gwyn he saw before him now. Her head ducked, as if remembering it too. That he'd been the one who'd found her that day at Sangravah. "Happy Solstice," she said, as  much a dismissal as it was a holiday blessing.  He snorted. "Are you kicking me out?"  (He's showing concern about her being cold and we have proof from Azriel he was there at Sangravah and Gwyn isn't making things up like the other side tries to say)

~Pure amusement glittered in her stare. Better than the pain and grief he'd spied a moment before. So he offered her a crooked smile. "I can't  sleep without my favorite dagger."

"A comfort to every growing child."  Azriel's lips twitched. He refrained from mentioning that he did indeed sleep with a dagger. Many daggers. Including one under his pillow. (Azriel shows more positive emotions with his interaction with Gwyn than seemingly around anyone else)

~How was the party?" Her breath curled in front of her mouth, and one of his shadows darted out to dance with it before twirling back to him. Like it heard some silent music.

~She shrugged again, irreverently. Az narrowed his eyes, studying her. "Do you, though?" she pressed. "Sing?" Azriel couldn't help his soft chuckle. "Yes."

~Gwyn tried the movement as slowly as he had, and he watched her  self-correct, fighting against the urge to open up her wrist and rotate the blade. She did it three times before she stopped falling into the bad habit. "I blame Cassian for this. He's too busy making eyes at Nesta to notice such mistakes these days." Azriel laughed. "I’ll give you that."  Gwyn smiled broadly. "Thank you." Azriel dipped his head in a sketch of a bow, something restless settling in him. Even his shadows had calmed. As if content to lounge on his shoulders and watch.  

~"Happy Solstice," Azriel said before aiming for the archway into the House. "Don't stay out too much longer. You'll freeze."  Gwyn nodded her farewell, again facing the ribbon. A warrior sizing up an opponent, all traces of that charming irreverence gone. Azriel entered the warmth of the stairwell, and as he descended, he could have sworn a faint, beautiful singing followed him. Could have sworn his shadows sang in answer. (Again, Azriel is showing care/concern over Gwyn possibly being cold/out too long and just look at the wording used here)

How the bonus chapter ends:

Clotho's pen moved once more. She deserves something as beautiful as this. I thank you for the joy it shall bring to her.

Something sparked in Azriel's chest, but he only nodded his thanks and left. He could picture it, though, as he ascended the stairs back to  the House proper. How Gwyn's teal eyes might light upon seeing the necklace. For whatever reason... he could see it.  

But Azriel tucked away the thought, consciously erasing the slight smile it brought to his face. Buried the image down deep, where it glowed quietly. 

A thing of secret, lovely beauty.

These scenes take place after the bonus chapter:

~Cassian glanced over at Az, but his attention was fixed on the young priestess, admiration and quiet encouragement shining from his face."

~The world seemed to pause at the words. As if it had been following one path and now branched off in another direction. In a hundred years, a thousand, this moment would still be etched in his mind. That he would tell his children, his grandchildren, Right then and there. That was when it all changed.

~Azriel went wholly still, as if he, too, had felt the shift. As if he, too, were aware that far larger forces peered into that training ring as Gwyn moved.

~Azriel clapped his hands, and all the females straightened. “You’ll work in groups of three.” Gwyn asked Az, her teal eyes bright, “What do we get if we finish the course?” Az’s shadows danced around him. “Since there’s no chance in hell any of you will finish the course, we didn’t bother to get a prize.” Boos sounded. Gwyn lifted her chin in challenge. “We look forward to proving you wrong.”

~Gwyn threw Azriel a withering stare as she strode past him. “See you tomorrow, Shadowsinger,” she tossed over a shoulder. Az stared after her, brows high with amusement. When he turned back, Nesta grinned. “You have no idea what you just started,” she said. Az angled his head, hazel eyes narrowing as Gwyn reached the archway. “Remember how Gwyn was with the ribbon?” Nesta winked and clapped the shadowsinger on the shoulder. “You’re the new ribbon, Az.”

~“The first had just unbuckled his belt when Azriel arrived.” Silent, unending tears streamed down Gwyn’s face. “Azriel slaughtered all of them within moments. He didn’t hesitate. But I could barely move, and when I tried to get up … He gave me his cloak and wrapped me in it." (Without hesitation, Azriel slaughtered all the soldiers and gave Gwyn his cloak.... similar to Lucien breaking free of his restraints without hesitation to get to Elain and give her his cloak)

After reading all this.... how can you NOT think Gwyn and Azriel are endgame? And this is what you missed on Glee......

[abrielarnold]

The song didn’t quite fit, but she had a feeling it wasn’t meant to. He was singing for someone else. Trying to call them back to him.

The Unknowable Tomorrow

by @screechthemighty

What a good good fic. I'm so excited for the next part in the series. (the suspense! aaaa!) The way Wolfwood is characterised and written is everything to me. The premise is fascinating and executed extremely well. I think about this fic a lot.

(process stuff below the cut because figuring out the composition for this was a fun challenge!)

i usually start with a pretty loose sketch layer, but when i tried to draw out the scene i quickly realised that i would need to figure out a much more solid base before i could even think about lineart. (looking back, this is still really close to the final composition, which is cool, because the scene in the fic is really strong and when i read it i could see it very clearly in my mind)

so first, (after a few days of agonising and scheming and rotating because i knew this was going to be A Challenge and a Proper Endeavor) i drew a quick birds eye view of the scene to kinda figure out what the field of view could be. then, i drew the vehicles at different angles so that i could have something to mix and match until i found a combo where everything fit together.

(this first concepting stage took as much time as the final lineart stage, with a lot of stopping and thinking and mental gymnastics, but i think that time spent getting everything in place really paid off!)

then i made a refined sketch (still loose, but confident and with the major shapes in play.) and a quick value layer to make sure the light sources would lead the eye where i wanted.

then i drew the lineart and a refined value layer to use as a base for my colour layer. (i really like how bold and punchy this layer turned out, and i think it really helped me remember to preserve a lot of intentional contrast)

at this stage, the rendering is pretty much there and it's almost done and i have a lot of time to plan out the colours as i go.

[hoiststowline]

winter of our youth

prologue _ prev strike seven

"Wisconsin?" He'd suspected you'd be at the very least slightly more jovial about such a discovery, but instead found himself in a conversation he'd rather not have. Your confused prompt was enough of an answer for him, clearly rattled by his untimely drop of such nearly unbelievable news. "I mean, are you sure? You didn't mix up a few numbers there?" 

"Why has this become a controversial topic?" Briefly, he harks back to the argument from the other day, remembering how shaky and unsure you'd been in accompanying him when it was time to go. "The signal was weak. I have not heard anything else besides those coordinates."

You pause, index finger coming to tap at tightly pressed lips, thinking intently for a moment. "Did it sound like someone you know?" 

Magnus recoils slightly, wordlessly impressed that you had thought of such a thing and he had not. "No. But I do not know which Autobots are on Earth, and the channel was arduously unsteady. All I could find was mostly static," 

It had not jarred or dawned on him immediately who was on the other end of the line, more so that they recognized his code and knew his designation. This level of inanity was beyond him, rushing headfirst into something because he wanted this lost and lonely feeling to be swept from his processor in the snap of a finger. But you had quelled that, if only in the present, and when you bring up such outstanding points, he finds it difficult to turn a blind eye. The more he mulled it over now, the more he was willing to say firmly that it was not Optimus Prime who picked up his distress call.

He silently swears, shaking his helm. "Allow me to rephrase. Why is this destination of Wisconsin such a difficult subject for you?" 

"First of all," You begin counting on your fingers, and he knows he's in for a long-winded rant without the formality of asking for one. "It's far away, like states away. Second, you don't even know if that's your team!" 

"Distance is not an issue." Magnus stands, beginning to pace the cockpit as you're left on the dash, looking up at him with wide eyes. "No other Cybertronian would have access to that channel unless they were near in proximity to interfere. And as far as my sensors can reach, I have found no other life forms that resemble a Cybertronian's signature, at least within our circles."

"Just because you can't 'sense' them doesn't mean they aren't out there. What if they found a way to cover their trail?" Arms come to cross your chest, hands gripping at your upper body as if to hold yourself upright. The memories come back in sparse and disoriented stints, but you will never forget those nearly piercing red eyes, offhandedly certain what you saw did not call this planet home. "I'm just saying. Hell, half the time I don't know what is going on. But if you want my opinion on this instance, it sounds like a setup to me." 

When your tone wavers just enough, he pauses, whipping his helm to stare down at you, rather intently. "Is there something you are not telling me?" 

You freeze, jaw snapping shut in defiance or surprise, not entirely sure which. "Uh...no?" It comes out eventually, not even venturing to sound remotely believable. "All I'm trying to say is that it seems a little sketch that you're so confident you're alone out here." 

"This mission has tried my patience more than I care to discuss nor think about," Magnus gravels, still studying you keenly as if your lie was ready to be made true. "I have waited endless rotations for another beat of Cybertronian code within these perimeters. The night I found you, the only life form I could find was yours."

Faltering, you toy with the idea of telling him what you saw, unsure if now of all times would be best to start divulging calamity lies. Ultimately, you shake your head, losing such a recalcitrant stance as you slump into a defeated one, words slipping from your tongue as if your subconscious begged its release. "That...can't be true. The thing that was chasing me had these bright, red eyes." Sensing his follow-up question, you hurriedly continue. "Not like mine. They shed light, Magnus. Like yours." 

A familiar silence overcomes the room and releases a query if it could, you're positive you just watched his eye twitch. "What?" He dares, unmoving. 

"I didn't realize the significance of it until this very moment, or else I'd probably would have never told you." It releases as an uncomfortable whisper, unconfident to move forward, gaze now trained on your shoes. "I'm not being difficult for fun; I'm being honest. I saw something, and I'm pretty sure it was-" 

It's almost frightening how he moves without making a sound, startling you as two hands slam on either side of your form, swaying your already unsteady stance. Here, you look up at him confused, hurt- a glimmer of tears in your eyes, but they are fiercely blinked back for the sake of obstinacy. 

"Why the hell would you keep such essential information from me?" He seethes, leaning forward until there is only a foot or so between your noses. It only flares his temper more when he thinks back only to the previous night, where a red light had been seen so close to your home, swept out of sight every time he'd scoured the horizon to catch a glimpse of it once more. 

Instead, your fingers ball into fists, squeezing them taught to stifle the fear that slipped back up from your stomach to settle in your jumbled words. "Because you never asked." Blindsided by heated rage, you can only imagine the anger that brims in his chest as a snarky reply to boot wasn’t doing either of you any favors.

"I did." This reminds you of the night you met Ultra Magnus, that same unapologetic terror that rises like a vice in your throat. "And you lied." 

Magnus had known something was chasing you, that was quite obvious per your restless behavior. It had crossed his mind that there was a high probability that it was another Cybertronian, even a Decepticon, and that is why he intervened when he knew he should not have. But after you’d fainted, he’d burnished the area, and there was not another living soul to be found.

Why you looked so terrified was beyond a simple question, though it was insanely difficult to determine whether you’d be forthcoming in sharing such information. As it all makes sense, coming together like an unfortunate accident, he can’t help the indignation that seeps into his tone.

“We haven’t seen it since last week anyway, so why does it matter?” You press, trying to swallow the tears that recoil up from your stomach after every swallow. “You’re acting like you just saw it yesterday.”

When he doesn’t reply, a painful cue arises that he wasn’t being entirely truthful either. “…Right?”

All too quickly, his snarl recedes, slumping his shoulders forward until his helm is hung just at your chin. “I did see it last rotation, yes.” He toys with the idea of not telling you where, but he’s all but lost this battle, an unfortunate observation. “Outside your habsuite, just after you went to sleep.”

It doesn’t take entirely long for you to decode what ‘habsuite’ means, an irritation ebbed free. “Are you fucking joking?” It’s not fair, you understand deep down he doesn’t deserve it, but it’s an immediate reaction that you cannot control. “Magnus, it’s tracking—“

“I know that now.” He ex-vents, digits twitching as they move to slide closer to muddy shoes as if you would disappear at any moment. “If you had relayed that intelligence to me earlier, I likely would have moved the pace of our endeavors a little faster,”

Fingers come to your hair, pushing flyaways back as scrambled thoughts peruse a crowded mind. “You initially asked me when we first met. I didn’t think telling you then, as it was supposed to be the last time we saw each other, would be beneficial- I honestly forgot about it.” That same fear now accelerates, finding it increasingly more difficult to control the tears as the outlandish notion hits you in full force. "It knows where I live-"

The now infamous tremble in your voice sends a vast number of warnings to his processor, alerting him that you are in immediate distress and your heart is beginning to beat wildly an unfairly familiar sound. "I said I would keep you safe," Magnus pulls back, only slightly as if to address you. And I intend to keep that promise."

"How?" You rasp, skipping over his stumbled recollection of a promise, finding well-known tears slipping down rosy cheeks. "We don't even know what it is!" 

"Stop fretting," Hesitantly, he lifts one hand off the dash, suspecting that he should try to comfort you, though he isn't fantastically certain on how he should. Awkwardly, it hovers just to your right, just a step away, but your mind reels so fast to process it. “It will do no good now.”

Still vexed, you decide to offer him sarcastic condolences for Pandora's box he most certainly just opened. "Sorry, what should I be doing?" 

He takes your question as a literal one, something you were afraid of the moment the question left you. "Formulating a new objective that will get us to Wisconsin the fastest." 

Since so many truths were being imparted, you felt it was only right to offer him the one of most importance, at least to you at this very moment. It had been danced around previously, skating the edge of willing versus wanting, and when it finally pushes within the final stretch, a great weight is lifted off your shoulders. "Who says I want to go to Wisconsin?" 

For a very painful juncture, you both lock gazes and contumaciously glower at each other until the stalemate comes to an end, but it evidently never does. You hold firm, wanting a reply that wasn't a dense shimmy around the subject, preying on your vulnerabilities as if you could be strong-armed into saying yes. It wasn't a definitive no, more so an uncertainty, but it wasn't impartial of Magnus to just assume you'd drop everything and follow him. 

To your utmost nonplus, it is the massive mech at your front that forfeits first but holds firm in his choice of words. "Do you think I would have asked such a burden of you if I thought without a singular doubt that I could accomplish this alone?" 

Giving pause, you analyze his words, taking a deep breath before giving a rational reply. "No. I don't, but the line is starting to become blurry as to when this goes from assisting to..."

Magnus offers you a minute to gather your thoughts, but when you don't give any inclination to continue, he cues you with a simple: "To?" 

"I'm afraid." He makes a noise of displeasure when you backpedal but begrudgingly allows you the floor to do so. "As much as I don't want to say this aloud, I fear I see a resolution that doesn't end well for either of us," 

"And what is that?" It's a murmur, an utterance you wouldn't believe came from him if you weren't the only ones in the room. 

"Goodbyes are hard." A simple shrug follows closely to feign indifference. "Might as well just get it over with now, as much as I want to punch you in your stupid face." 

A long goodbye is an instance he's well acquainted with, yet your attachment was something that was not accounted for in this bemusing equation. Rather yet, his attachment, and though he will never outright implore you to pursue this mission with him, he is not one to give up so easily either. The notion of his 'stupid face' is passed over for the time being, but he opts to circle back to it at a later date so as not to agitate you any further. 

"Suppose we do," He finds amusement in the way you balk slightly, as is offended he went along with your proposal. "And what would I gain, y/n? Leaving you here defenseless with whatever was spooring you?"

Magnus feels disgusting deploying such scummy tactics to heighten your fear and exploit such guilt, but he could bear it if he were to be selfish just this once. Comrades would argue this whole endeavor had been thoughtless, employing organic assistance in scenarios that could have likely gone other routes, but in his view, this was the singular case in point. 

He watches your eyes jump wide, shoulders locking as he can practically see the gears turning in your mind, surveying your options. Eventually, you relent, sighing in grieving defeat, not without emitting a well-deserved swear. "Asshole." It comes out from clenched teeth, easily biting your tongue. "I'm gonna have to call work for an early vacation...and go back to my house and pack a bag."

Though somewhat amazed at your unlikely surrender, he regains his composure rather fast. "I can work with that." 

"Let's say...twenty-four hours for departure time?" You sniffle, trying to create a schedule in your mind that doesn't completely destroy your work hours. "Or do we need to get going sooner?"

Ultra Magnus softens, if only a bit. "I am not going to rush you, not at this rate. That is perfectly adequate for me." 

"I guess I owe you an apology, too." Tiny fingers find one of his, patting his digit gently and averting your gaze at all costs, unable to meet his eyes any longer. "For not telling you- not being entirely honest. I shouldn't have lied, it just...felt best at the time."

"There is no reason to dwell on it now. All immediate crises have been averted." Giving in to your touch, he doesn't pull back as you patiently expect him to. "I accept, though I owe you one as well. I only had your best interest in mind, y/n, if you can find it in you to forgive me."

Teeth sink uncontrollably into your bottom lip, gifting him two simple nods. "Yeah. I can manage that."

That same repeating silence overcomes the cockpit, to which you can't help but wheeze a laugh to break its overpowering furor. At your nervous rattle, Magnus tilts his head to the side, curious about the origins of its seemingly abrupt interruption. "Is something amusing to you?" 

"I don't know whether to laugh or to cry," A shameful admission, one that you hesitate to carry out earnestly. “Just, one more thing. Promise you’ll take me home after all this is over?” 

Such an obvious request, one that he had no intentions of denying, especially with how eventually easygoing you’d been in this whole encounter. “Certainly. I promise.”

He pulls back, proffering his pinky, to which you tap it with a gentleness he’s always known you to have. “Good.”

The drive back home was eerily quiet, chin in your hand as you balanced some of your weight on the passenger door. Everything out the window looked scarier at nightfall, trees twisting into long shadows as he eventually reached the dirt road that leads into town. Nausea overcomes you, still unable to convince your psyche that what you were doing was right, an unwillingness to defray somewhere else. 

“Would you prefer that I stayed this time as well?” It’s the first thing he’s said to you since the promise in those metal walls, a soft rumble as his voice envelops you in the cabin. “If it were to ease some of your nerves, I do not mind.”

”No,” Chewing on your bottom lip, you hardly look at the dash before moving your head back towards the faintly frosted window. “You’ve got things to do, as do I. I should be ready to regroup around noon tomorrow.”

It appears his overture was not a suggestion and more of an insistence, to which he gives a noise of disquiet. "Hm, very well. If at any point in the evening, you find your habsuite is no longer safe, I stress that you phone me immediately." The seat cushion nudges you as if to say 'pay attention', but you hardly give him a nod of acknowledgment.

"Mhm." You now recognize the hunch as anxiety, fearing this was all rushing together faster than you can keep up with. 

"Are you listening, y/n?" A little more than a prod this time, alike a soft shove, the interior mirror jerking your way erratically. "Did you hear what I just said?" 

"To call you if I see anything," You mumble, slowly moving to look at the mirror. As if he didn't believe you, he huffs in response but continues onwards without another word.

With vast reluctance, he unlocks and opens the door upon arrival at your home. He'd already asked too much of you, and beseeching that you remain with him for the next rotation would be crossing an already thinning line, and he'd rather you stay commonplace with him rather than become upset. 

When you don't say anything, opting to clamor out and down the stairs, apparently very eager to get inside, he calls after you. "Rest well, y/n. We have a long journey ahead of us next rotation." 

He's taken aback for a second time as you only wave over your shoulder, arguably lost in thought and not even realizing your impertinence. "Yeah, g'night." 

Magnus watches you up the stairs, closing the door over only after you've made it inside, not even sparing him a passing glance. He wasn't so comfortably insulted, he's exhorted much of you in a short amount of time and understands your havering. After adding much to your already overflowing plate, it's not insane for you to feel overwhelmed or downright exhausted, a familiar feeling, lest to him. 

Perhaps out of habit or subconsciously due to keeping his promise, he lingers just out of sight from your home, keeping an eye as a good watchdog does. 

[heroofshield]

hi hero! for the rook storytime prompts, could i get either 8 or 31? :D

i am a chronic overachiever so i'm doing both lol

8. A time Rook argued with someone they care about.

(post companion quest)

"We're not done!" Zea exclaimed as Emmrich threw the book down on his desk and stalked towards the door, moving into the main hub of the Lighthouse.

"I believe we are!" Emmrich snapped, vaguely aware that Harding and Bellara were on the balcony and trying not to make it obvious that they were witnessing his and Zea's first real argument. But he was still so mad that he didn't care that they were seeing the dispute. "I've said all I can about the matter."

"Clearly not since we're still arguing about it!"

"No we're-"

"Yes we are!" Zea interrupted, pointing a finger at Emmrich as she took a step off the staircase. Her blood was boiling and she wanted to just storm off but at this point it was a matter of stubbornness. "Ever since we got back from Navarra, you've been avoiding me!"

"What did you expect? I gave up lichdom for Manfred! The one thing that I've been working towards my entire life."

"You gave it up for me. I asked you too!" Zea swallowed thickly, her shout echoing throughout the main hub of the Lighthouse.

Out of the corner of her eye, Zea saw Bellara open her mouth to say something but Harding put her hand on the elf's arm and shook her head.

"I didn't ask you too."

"I know." Zea blinked back the tears that threatened to trail down her face.

"Then why? You know how much I wanted that, even after what happened with Johanna!"

"Because I'm selfish!" Zea exclaimed, the tears finally falling. "Because I'm not Mournwatch. How could I have been sure that lichdom wouldn't have changed how you felt about me? Because I didn't want to lose you as well!"

Not waiting for a response, Zea stormed out of the hub, eyes blurred by tears. Striding past where Assan was laying, and ignoring his questioning chirp, she climbed down the hidden pieces of pathway underneath Neve's room- she'd discovered it early on and didn't think that anyone else (other than Neve) knew about it. It was a small space and she just needed a place where she could hide when needed.

"Although I haven't needed it until now." she thought, scrubbing the tears from her face and curling her legs up to her chest. "We just need some time to cool off."

31. LoF!Rook disarming a trap or solving a puzzle.

Zea looked at the puzzle in front of her, narrowing her eyes as she tried to figure it out. "They can be rotated, but in which direction?" she asked herself, letting a frown appear. Gazing around the courtyard, she tried to see if there were any clues that might help.

Not seeing anything in her vicinity, she decided to widen the search. Boots crunching on the gravel, Zea walked along the perimeter to see if there were any clues- but other than discovering more statues, she couldn't fine a key.

"Any day Laidir!" came a distant shout, one of the other Lords that had come along on the trip.

"You want to solve this puzzle, go right ahead!" Zea shouted back, knowing that they wouldn't. Taking a breath, she refocused and was about to move on from the nearest statue when she paused, noticing something.

The statue looked distinctly Rivaini, which was odd since they were weren't in her adopted country, but it made her wonder...

Another quick loop around the courtyard confirmed it: the four statues were all different with one dressed in Rivaini court clothing, one in Tevinter Templar robes, one in Antivan Crow leathers, and she assumed the last one was in Navarran clothing. It was an educated guess since she'd never been to Navarra and had only seen sketches of their fashion.

"Neighbors." she said out loud, smiling to herself as the pieces fell into place.

A sharp whistle got everyone's attention and Zea strode towards the Rivain statue. "We need to turn this one towards the Crow statue. And then the Navarra one towards Tevinter." she said as they pushed against the wooden pole to shift the statue.

"Why?"

"Because they're all neighbors with each other." Zea replied as the statue gave one final turn, an audible click being heard and veilfire appeared.

Zea straightened at her theory being proven correct and scurried off to turn the others so they could get to the treasure.

[fuckblast]

In honor of David Lynch I want to encourage you all to check out your local art museum.

This is a long post so I'll cut it. I've bolded my main points but I've been a member to the art museum on the nearby campus for about a year now and I've fucking loved it.

I know the quality will vary by place but I became a regular level member at mine and it's been the best investment I've made this year. Even if you don't have the means, see if/when they have "community days" that let people in free like mine does.

If somehow you're on Tumblr and following me and have kids, or hate kids (more likely), there's usually a section specifically for kids. I haven't spent a lot of time there as a single childless adult, but I went there on "family day" by accident and found there were not a ton of loud and unruly kids as their energy was previously redirected in engaging activities. I'd still avoid field trip hours.

I regularly get to see movies on a big screen at a reduced price that aren't showing in theaters anywhere else. They played Werner Herzog's Nosferatu (1979) a few months before the new one came out. They were on a Herzog kick for a bit and I lived for it. My family went to a documentary on the "happiness auditors" of Bhutan who perform censuses to determine the national gross national happiness and it's influences (Agent of Happiness, 2024). I took a friend to a short film about an American-Palestinian grandmother and granddaughter having a meal together, which included a Q&A with the writer and director, who said the photo used of their old family home in the film was a real one from his own grandmother (Maqluba, 2024)

I get free access to monthly events which include guided tours, live music, and access to special exhibits. Also those have additional vendors present that do neat things for additional money, like the tintype portrait I got done. Definitely worth it.

I mean this this is on a metal sheet done old school. The guy explained the chemistry to me as it soaked and really loved that I was interested. (Didn't get the print til a few weeks after bc it had to cure)

Reduced additional ticket prices are also awesome because while I'm there all the time now, I've observed and done sketches of a good bit of what they've got. But I love bringing other people there. I've gone on several curator tours now so I've got fun inside info on several pieces, and I love to share trivia. And everyone sees art differently so you always get new takes and appreciation. Plus while they take in awesome or notable pieces I've already digested, studied and sketched I get to spend a bit of time looking at works I previously overlooked, which is also nice.

Not even beginning to mention rotations and new acquisitions, which keep it fresh. We just got in two Barbara Kruger's!! If you're familiar with the brand "Supreme" they hijacked her whole shit. She's my #2 text artist only because I'm a Holzerhead. I didn't even know they'd be there. There's some Bosch's scheduled for October that I'm dying for. Plus they also got in this piece by a local artist and I'm so in love I can't stand it.

And tomorrow I'm going on a free tour about queer artists (Sundays are the free days, not a member thing, and the tours are always free if you're physically there) and since this is a new and local piece to the museum I know they'll cover it and I'm so excited to know more about it.

Anyways support your local art museum. At least give it a visit and see if you like it enough to support it. I was there a good few visits before I was like "oh fuck this place rules and I'm here often enough that it's more logical to just to get a membership."

[fantasticalleigh]

I saw your reblog about asks and then you gave me an ask and I realised I've never asked you anything before so I sprinted over here to reciprocate the favour (and now I'm a little out of breath because my cardio is shocking!).

So... my main problem as an artist is having a thousand ideas popping into my head but not being able to put even a fraction of them on paper - if you have the same problem, would you like to share any of those ideas??

haha aw, thank you! and same about the cardio 😰

this is a really interesting question!

I struggle with the exact same problem tbh, it's always really hard wrangling so many ideas! I wish I had some like groundbreaking tips to help manage this but my methods are pretty basic:

-as ideas come, i try to write them down (i usually fail at this) but if it's a good idea it will stick in my mind for days or even weeks, so when i get the chance i will sketch something out. it usually turns out really bad but that's ok bc it's just to get the barest essence of the idea, and i'll write down the actual idea down on the paper or canvas of whatever i'm working on so i can decipher that later. (i like to have a good bunch of these drafts ready at any given time so i can pick and choose what to work on next once i complete something)

-this one might not apply to everyone, but: i cycle between a few different art styles. sometimes it depends on what brushes i use, or if i know i want something to be a casual sketch, a whole sketchpage, or an illustration. it also depends on knowing how much time i want to spend on it. faster drawings done with my favorite chunky pen in a more cartoonish style usually rank higher in order of what to work on, because i know i can finish it in a few days (or even hours). stuff that's more detailed/rendered is lower on the list of execution because i know it'll take longer to finish because of details and the linework, and that i'll definitely want to take breaks from that one to work on the faster ones. (i have two pieces for Bad Blood i've been working on for MONTHS now bc they have so much detail and i still don't know when they'll be done lol, just chipping away at them bit by bit)

-sometimes, depending on what art projects i'm currently working on, i won't get a chance to actually develop that new idea until much later on. or maybe i try and just don't feel into it anymore. in that case i try to just focus on something else. i usually have about four or more other art ideas in various stages of completion to work on in rotation which has really helped. and then some days i really don't feel like working on one particular thing and want to work on another, but i compromise with myself that if i get decent progress done on one then i'll switch to the other after a point. just as a little treat :3

i also think a large part of managing all these ideas is accepting that some of them will just never be made. every now and then i go through my procreate files and delete drafts that i know i'll never actually draw. either because i don't love the idea anymore, have no time, i don't think i can execute it well, or just pure laziness.

it kind of sucks but it's just the way things go, and the ideas keep coming anyway so it's not like that's the end of the line if you decide to toss a few out the window! (ESPECIALLY considering we draw a lot of wwe based art and since it's a weekly show there's just so much more potential for new art every few days.) it's great to be able to get anything out at all tbh! i do feel a lot of pressure sometimes that i have to get things out as fast as possible but it does work as a great motivator and i'm just always so excited to see what everyone else is working on and posting! it's a very inspiring environment.

this turned out so long, but i hope it helps! :D

[food-lover9000]

CUSTOM CARD CASE INSERT TUTORIAL

This is just what I learned from making them like once my word is not gospel lol but hopefully this can help my mutual(s) if they wanna try making the silly card case things!!!

Making the cards!!!

This is the link to a canva template I made which I used when making my own card inserts: link (go to file and just make a copy)

Since these are frames you can just drag whatever image you upload into the frame and it automatically clips on and if you click on the crop button for the frame you can adjust the image (so if you want it more zoomed in or not have it just be the middle of the image which may have had a character’s face cut out of view)

Also if you want to add details in front of the image you can use whatever elements are free in canva or if you have an image with a transparent background that can be layered over that could be cool if it fits (may need to lock the photo frame so it doesn’t clip onto the image with transparent background)

If the card you want already is for example a transparent image with the sprite of a character you can just color the photo frame with a color that matches and lock it then just add the character image and crop as desired. (This and what I mentioned above is what I did with the three Clarence sprite cards with the stars)

(Also with the second page with the vertical cards you may want to rotate the image you put in by -90 degrees in the pop up from the crop button)

The frames are said to be (3.73 in x 2.66 in) or (9.47 cm x 6.76 cm) in in size on canva (which would’ve been essentially the perfect size for my larger hard card cases which is what I intended) but when I printed them they were (3.35 in x 2.36 in) or (8.5 cm x 6 cm). (Not sure how or why it did that for me) But that’s actually ended up fine as the dimensions they ended up being printed as is pretty good for most common trading card sleeves (with a couple mm wiggle room) and depending on how you decorate the card case/card sleeves it will be fine.

(The template I made is just what seemed to have worked for me this first time around I’ll probably tinker with this more the more of these I make and you can obviously adjust the frames to whatever suits your needs and desires) (And on this point you can easily adjust the size of the frames under the position pop-up under the advanced settings of the arrange section)

Printing the things!!!

I used a public color printer for making these lol

So assuming you have your cards’ images picked out and all set up via the template and you’re ready to get printing, go to the share button and go to download. I changed the file type to PDF Print, because I dont have canva pro I just used RGB but if you can you might want to change the color profile to CMYK. So once you have them downloaded you print them i guess uh i dont think theres much else to it lol (Also i still have no idea what exactly these mean but i included crop marks and bleed and the card frame are within the lines also I cut and trimmed the cards myself so even moreso I didn’t understand when I tried understanding by briefly searching them up)

Then once printed just trim them and you’re pretty much done, BUT if you want them to feel more like cards and if you wanted them to also have a back design (also printed which I wanna do next time or just something physically written/sketched on) you can probably just glue it to a piece of construction paper or something so they have a more sturdy feel. (I personally didn’t do this as that would make it slightly harder to fit two card inserts into my two sided decorated hard card case but I’m thinking about doing this next time or with some that I don’t plan on needing in a double sided card case)

I think that’s about it, I might make an updated version of this or make new template links if I figure out why there is such a difference between what it says the size is and what I ended up with in printing.

[squipdop]

HIIIII CAN I ASK ABOUT THE SIX YEARS LATER AU???

Howd they bring up the junior scouts idea to max??? Was he like Whatever sure or super tsundere or surprisingly emotional that they wanted him back after he aged out?? Did anyone else come back or do special day-long visits like how schools bring in visitors? What does max think of the new kids? They all look so cool i love Max's hair!!!!

HI HI HELLO YES OFC!!! :33

Okay so. I call it the '6 years later' AU but technically i have Stuff Planned for all the time that passed between now and then too, so this'll be a bit longer, sorry!!

Max joining the counselor team was actually kind of a natural/gradual development?? Basically, since I can't make CC content that isn't found family Max has a shit home life, and, even if he hates to admit it at first, the three months of summer camp become his bright spot each year. David and Gwen catch on to that, but there isn't much they can do to help outside of camp - until one day Max (age 13/14ish) shows up on Gwen's doorstep because he ran away from home, 'since his parents won't care either way'. While he does return home after hiding out at Gwen's place for a weekend, this kind of kicks off a pattern of Max running away sporadically, to Gwen's, later David's, or his friends places. I could go into more detail here but. this is already long. oop.

ANYWAYS. So with Max spending basically all the time he can away from home and the summers at camp, once he ages out there's. A Bit of panic starting in him once summer gets closer again, because his Safe Place seems inaccessible, and two of his OTHER options, especially for longer stays away from home, would also be unavailable. Gwen and David notice this (it manifests in Max staying over More but Angrier) and try to find a solution. Gwen proposes the Jr Counselor idea. They introduce the idea to Max by kinda implying that workload around camp is a lot, and it'd really hurt to miss one of their most experienced campers, but... maybe, if he worked there too (well, interned. basically unpaid. but! no camp tuition!) he could help them? so they basically give Max a way to say yes without admitting that he's the one who needs camp the most. He does insult the whole thing ofc, and says like he's just doing it because he knows camp would burn down without him there ("actually, most of the fires we had were started by you...?" "shut it, david") but secretly he's really really happy. He might even thank them later that evening. Quietly. Before complaining about it preemptively. <3

WAH THATS ALREADY SUCH A WALL OF TEXT ok ill hurry up w the rest:

While most of the other campers had some rotations over the years, I don't have conk rete plans for most of them - Nikki and Neil are still Max' gang, and returned for multiple summers, if not all. This year though, Neil is busy with college prep, and Nikki is spending the summer at home because of family crisis. They still video call a lot, they're still The Gang. I have sketched designs for them, but I'm not quite happy yet.

Max at first doesn't take his role seriously, because he's basically just Back For Another Summer, but pretty quickly realises Gwen and David DO have expectations, and DO give him responsibilities. He takes a while to come around on his new relationship to the younger kids, and especially one of the youngest kids takes a liking to him, a very anxious young girl, which annoys him at first, but... well. It's a whole ~character arc~ for Max waiting to happen tbh.

OK THANK YOU IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR IM SORRY ITS SO LONG. i wasnt lying when i said i have So Many Thoughts about this. ANYWAYS as thank u for getting this far heres a doodle of Max putting up his hair. :3c

[lico-arts]

Quick update + A little treat!

Hello! I won't be very active during July because of ArtFight and a few illustrations i have planned (on top of my job, send help), so to make up for the upcoming lack of content, here's some insight on how i animate my Twst Chibis :)

(shoutout to the person who sent an ask about this topic! idk if i misclicked or if you took it down yourself, but it made me really happy to be asked and i spent 4 hours writing this as an answer, so i'm posting anyway lol)

Rigging & Animation talk below the cut, feel free to scroll by if you were just here for the update (and have a great day 👋)

I'll be taking Mafuyu as the exemple here, because he's the most complete one i made so far.

Firstly, here's some WIPs i saved showing off his faces and hair bones

Basically i went ahead and made an entire rig for him, since i know i'm eventually going to come back and make him more reactions and outfits. I started from scratch so it took a while, but at least now i have a nice base ready to go!

The original sketch was made on CSP, then the model itself and animation were made on Toon Boom because i haven't learned to use Live 2D yet.

Great thing about that is that it ended up being fully vectorized, which is always a plus if i ever need to resize him.

Here's a zoom (or huh, as close up in as my screen will allow) on all the elements, and their hierarchy. From the left are the elements that show up on top of everything (pearls, hair, head & face), to the ones that are behind everything on the right (cardigan back, braid, shadow):

It's kinda tricky to describe but all elements have their individual pegs (the green bits), which then get linked up additionally and in groups, so for example if i start selecting from the hand and go up, it goes:

Hand -> Hand + Forearm -> Hand + Forearm + Upper arm -> Both Arms + Torso + Head + Hair -> Upper Body + Pelvis + Both Legs

Once the model was done it was onto animating!

No secrets here, i really just tried my best to match the rhythm of how the in-game models move, what movements came back regularly etc... So typically: the heads often bop up and down in a specific way when they laugh or look up, the entire body stretches slightly when they jump or get startled, things like that.

I keep thinking that technically i shouldn't have animated the bangs because the in-game models have pretty limited hair animations, but hhh it felt too important to skip for Mafuyu (and mostly i was just having fun lol).

Just for fun, here's what most of my timeline looks like for the idle animation:

I'm confident that the og animations are fully tweened, so i did that too. But ofc with some adjustments to the timing so it doesn't look stiff. Since everything is on ones I didn't have the patience to go back and modify frames by hand lol.

It was especially tricky to figure out how to make the elbows look good, because of the pattern on his cardigan. I had to redraw the arms like 4 times to have them work in all positions. I spent many minutes looking at in-game models that had checkered sleeves (White Rabbit Deuce ended up being my main reference) to analyse how they made theirs work. I could've bothered making a clipping texture that I could warp to match the movement of the arm but,,, that probably would've killed my motivation entirely, i was determined to make this look good, but not THAT much lmao

The bangs, braid and cardigan were the only elements that i animated with bones and warps, for everything else i just used basic pegs to rotate and stretch the limbs

After that i just threw a Ramshackle themed bg behind him and gifed him up, and Voilà!

Random/fun facts, because why not:

The shoes took me 4 hours to make, because im really not used to drawing with vector tools, all those details made it hell lol

His proportions are mostly based off of Ruggie's model :)

I think that about covers it! I tried going into details without being boring, so hopefully it's still understandable, and maybe even interesting for curious folks 🤞

If you made it all the way here, holy shit thank you!!

[a-crumb-of-whump]

ANB Drabble: Lists Of Praise

A New Beginning Masterlist | Comfortember 2023 Masterlist | @comfortember

~ Comfortember | Day 6: Notes ~

Content: Vampire whumpee, human caretaker, recovery.

-

“Can I ask you something?” 

Despite knowing he was in the room, Carlos jumped at the sound of Ryker’s voice. He peered up from the opposite side of the coffee table and subtly shifted to cover the page of his colouring book with his arms, head slightly tilted. 

“Yes, sir?” 

Ryker tilted his head back with a gentle smile. “I’ve noticed you sometimes taking notes in the back of your books, like you’re doing right now. What are they?” he asked curiously. 

For a moment, Carlos considered trying to come up with a half-baked lie as he glanced down at the dozens of quotes written in smudged pen. He didn’t know why the urge was there. It wasn’t like he had anything to hide. He supposed part of it was the fear of having it used against him if anyone else knew how important his “notes” were to him. 

Though, he knew realistically that Ryker would never do that. Ryker was kind and supportive, often encouraging the things that brought him any sense of joy or entertainment. He’d never confiscated anything from him. Never even threatened to. 

The vampire nervously tapped his pen against the wood on the table a few times before tentatively uncovering his book again. “You can read it if you like,” he whispered as he rotated it until the words were the right way up for Ryker. “I like to write down all the kind things you and Adam say to me so I can look through them on bad days. The books fill up kinda quickly, but I’ll just move on to the new sketchbook that Charlie got me when I’ve got nothing else.” 

Carlos had never really considered the possibility of his little habit making a difference to anyone else, but Ryker looked overjoyed as he read through each and every line. The writing itself was rather small and hard to read, but that didn’t seem to make a difference to the human. 

“You did a wonderful job with breakfast.” 

“You are so fucking smart. How didn’t I think of that?” 

“You’re getting better and better at this game!” 

“That sketch is beautiful.” 

The back page was almost full already after several days of logging any and all praise in it. He had two more colouring books left before he’d move on to his big one, where he’d already started practicing proper sketches. 

Ryker was all smiles when he finally pushed the book back towards him. “How long have you been doing that for?”

“I started a few days after you brought me home,” Carlos whispered. He could practically feel his face flushing bright red. It felt like someone had seen directly into his soul. “I was so scared that you were going to start hurting me, ‘n’ I wanted to remember all the positive things you had to say about me along with the bad stuff as well. That never happened, obviously, but… now I have no desire to give up the habit.” 

He shut his eyes when Ryker reached out to ruffle his hair. “Well, thank you for showing me. I’m glad you were able to find a constructive way to cope with your anxiety.” 

Carlos smiled, a fang poking out. “Me too.”

-

Comfortember 2023 Taglist: @topsheepstudent

ANB Taglist: @choppedflowermuffinchild @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @emcscared-whumps @espresso-depresso-system @inkkswhumpandstuff @lumariane @pigeonwhumps @pumpkin-spice-whump @roblingoblin285 @sacredwrath @some-thrilling-heroics @stabby-nunchucks @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @trans-writes @whump-blog @whumpsday @whumpshaped @paniatheweirdone @whumpycries @why-not-ask-me-a-better-question @thekittyburger @whumpdreamz

[brooklynisher]

alright im here to ask about spg (feel free to skip questions if you don't know/already answered them/don't feel like it)

moon pies with Little Birdie, ice cream from Ice Cream Man or a quick snack of petrol with Airheart?

there are other space whales beside Jumbo, but he seems to be the only one who talks. do you think he was born with that ability, got it with his job or do other whales just not have anything to say?

also what's the deal with Coinsley. you know anything about Coinsley? (I've just seen one or two photos of him i think)

and this is a free space to bestow your thoughts of dr Babclock upon us since you've been rotating him in your head for quite some time. it can be canon, fanon, actual cannon. go wild :]

1. Ice Cream Man for sure! I mean, if l had to choose who I wanted to eat with I'd probably pick Little Birdie because I'd love to bond with a bird like that. And Little Birdie probably doesn't talk so I don't have to worry about that. But the fact that Ice Cream Man is literally a superhero because of his ice cream. It probably tastes stupid good. Also, icecream cones are basically the only thing I know for sure I can start eating, and then finish eating. I'm a slow eater y all.

2. I like to think it was like a prophecy or something. Only a few select space whales will be granted god-like abilities in their field. And there are multiple types. Jumbo was selected as a guardian, but there are also like, other ones. I can’t think of any but you get the idea

3. Coinsley is Rex's tax attorney. Apparently, he's the reason why Rex isn't in jail for tax evasion, but the only source for that I've seen is on the wiki sO... He's also very attentive to road apples.

4. HEEOAH BOY So, we've got more attention on Taggart, but I've come to notice that laggart has actually gotten attention before!

Back when cosplaying SPG characters here on Tumblr was more popular. But Victor is still left out!! I don't know why! Is it because we know nothing about him?? Maybe. But he is very smart. How else could he be leading the Cavalcadium right now? As for other things, I have yet to color those sketches I did, but when I do, don't be surprised if you see a lot of purple. For some reason I see Taggart wearing a lot of purple in his outfit. As for Victor, I think it's more brown, but with accents of purple. Why? I don't know. My brain lied to me and said I saw a canon design for Taggart and for some reason, it's telling me he wore purple so 🤷🏽‍♀️

[sunflowergem]

I got a new one to introduced to y'all

Meet Valora my durge. I know it says storm sorcery but she's actually wild magic sorcerer. Above is obviously from the game and the below ones are what I would imagine. Temple of Bhaal outfit would be pregame(and she gets wings cuz they're cool and I say so). Massive love for Hero Forge because that is such a cool website and service. One day I would love to buy some stuff from there 🤩 Carries the dagger that has the netherstone in her tail when killing.

I will draw her eventually but I do not have the skills or patience right now to try.

So my original concept was to have her be a dragonborn and I themed her off of Ansur thinking it would be kind of cool if they had a descendant. This was before I realized that the bhaal spawn is supposed to be just straight up made from the god flesh. So I started rotating the idea in my mind for a while because I did still want to have the the dragon connection but I don't like deviating that hard from the actual story material. Yesterday I finally thought of a solution.

The durge is like a symbiote but made of Bhaal's flesh. Valora is the name of the dragonborn. The Bhaalblob has hopped enough bodies they forgot their original name, if Bhaal even gave them one. So like in base form they are just a little bloody slug like lump but she can invade freshly killed corpses and take on that person's identity perfectly. This is also how she can kill so easily before the game begins. She will kill someone, hop in the fresh corpse, and walk off. Leaving a complely out of place corpes throwing off investigations. She can then just walk off as the victim and vibe somewhere else as the heat dies down. The dragon born she is in the game was her latest victim, a descendent of Anser and well liked and respected woman that worked managing the bank, Gortash suggested going after her to gain more of a financial foothold in the city. Then Orin did her thing and Valora forgot everything, including that she's a nearly immortal sentient blob of flesh, so she goes through the game much more carefully with this body thinking that she could properly die.

Here are rough sketches I have done of the blob while at work. I'll do a more finalized version once I have a tablet again. I want to make them like semi-transparent but I don't know how to do that properly with pen and paper. Also, this is begging for me to make a gif.

She gains the memories and even takes on some of the personality of the victims that she body snatches. So here's a little bit more on Valora, before she was taken over, as well as some important personality points before being tadpoled.

Valora as just a dragonborn was a bit of an ice queen to be honest. Not like evil but very cold towards their others and very much business-minded. Really loves her job at the bank and math overall since it doesn't involve a lot of feelings™. Despite that, they are actually in a relationship before being taken over by the bhaalblob. She's mated to Klarrvox although it's a rather loveless relationship despite his best efforts. Once being taken over, this relationship starts to change though. Bhaalblob (who I will now refer to as BB just for for simplicity's sake) actually quite enjoys being in different relationships. They have hopped into many a family due to their murder shenanigans to try and experience some of the connection that is missing from how they were spawned. They've taken on the roles of children, fathers, mothers, grandparents, all manner of different lovers, even a pet one time. Each of these different lives that they've experienced before being attacked by Orin lived within their memories and made them pretty sporadic as a result, but also someone very much in love with the idea of life. It was a bit of a warped love though. They loved experiencing it and then seeing what would happen after tragedy strikes. Especially when they could hop into someone else and be an outside observer after the deed is done.

So overall they were pretty content with life before being tadpoled and Klarrvox was quite enjoying his newly affectionate wife. But speaking of lovers, I'm sure you might be wondering what's up with their relationship with Gortash considering how involved he is with durge shenanigans. In short, they really don't care deeply for him. He doesn't have any relationships that would be interesting for them to explore. They work together just fine but they want to keep it strictly. Business related. Gortash however does not! He is highly interested in the body hopping Bhaal spawn. Although I think it's more interesting if he doesn't know exactly how they do it. So he's not fully aware that he's interested in a sentient blood slug. So yeah I think that's about all I've got for them right now. Feel free to ask questions if you like and I will update their tag with more information as it develops.

Also, here's a quick meme for y'all that is also terrible quality.

This is going to be a redeemed durge run when I can finally play again. I don't know if I can handle doing a fully evil playthrough yet.