#I had to put my thoughts down somehow
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chevvy-yates · 1 year ago
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[NC_RES]_27022048-NCA steyr_v_portraits_030_CS.file ///core:_vijay_steyr.file\\\
⚠️ READ: Please do not repost/reupload any of my art here or to any other platform, or I will be forced to do anything to get it annihilated. Rogue cyberspace jacket by @pinkyjulien. The Witch pose pack by @busyvampire.
For a long long while I've wanted to shoot pics of how I see Vijay as a netrunner in cyberspace or how I imagine a Cyberpunk 2077 cyberspace interface in his style could look.
More under the cut. Beware you may read how my head breaks into pieces as I try hard to understand Cyberpunk's netrunning world lore. I copy pasted some texts from lore books about netrunning because I lack in explainging by myself — so if you're interested, there you go:
First I thought about making the background black, like how it's in the game when you stand in front of the blackwall or talk to Alt. But somehow that isn't it for me.
I've read a while ago netrunners can program their cyberdecks I-G interfaces with a so called 'CREATOR' program that makes netspace like the netrunner wants or has to imagine it.
"There are two other programs on a cyberdeck. One is the Operating System: a program that listens to the instructions the Netrunner thinks to it and obeys his commends. The other is the CREATOR virtual reality system, which is really a complex drawing program that tells the I-G that “when you get this signal from the Net, show the guy this image instead of the one he normally would see.” Our small and stupid computer also has a capacious memory; it can store and run various programs (as directed by its owner), and it also has a huge library of images that both CREATOR and the I-G interface draw upon to interpret what the Netrunner sees while in Netspace. […] By activating the Creator drawing program hardwired into his cyberdeck, the runner is basically modifying the deck‘s basic I-G interface program. First, a background is selected from a huge database of backgrounds, then modified by using simple controls to adjust color, shading and texture. Then the 3-D objects are selected from another database of objects scanned from real life, then stored in a compressed, high-resolution form. The objects can be decompressed and “assembled” into virtual reality on four different levels of resolution. When a runner saves a program, he is saving all the instructions for redrawing the virtual reality he’s created. Anyone entering the Virtual (either where it is stored on the runner’s cyberdeck or in another system) automatically activates the picture and causes the cyberdeck or computer to reconstruct it."
— Rache Bartmoss' Guide to the Net – The Cyberpunk Sourcebook for the Global Computer Net
I'm honest, I'm having a hard time to understand the netrunning world as decribed in the lorebooks. Somehow it always ends same for me like when I watch documentations about the universe expansion, dark matter and supermassive black holes for too long: my head hurts, I have too many questions and I think I'm the dumbest being on the planet. lol
But this gave me basically the idea to make it look like it looks now in the pics, so I imagined maybe Vijay programs it so that it looks like how he wants it. But if he enters other parts of cyberspace he may not have an influence on it as it changes into a different interface if I understood it right.
Anyways, I took a behind the scenes shot this time if you are interested how my 'set' looked. It was very experimental. Who needs a photostudio? x)
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By the Way:
The glowing balls visibly in his hands or next to him stand for an anti-system program named 'Cascade II' Vijay uses. Lorebook says this:
"Cascade is not a daemon, bearing more in common with Virazz and Viral 15. lt can only be used against a system CPU. When used, it overwrites system code, causing the CPU to switch programs at random. Every turn there's a 2 in 10 chance that whatever program the runner has encountered will change to something else at random-files might switch to ICE, ICE to system controllers, etc. Anything is possible! lf used against a cyberdeck, the deck chooses a new program at random to run each turn. Cascade can only be stopped by preventing it from reaching the CPU, or by dumping the system code and reloading it ICON: A floating ball of energy."
— Rache Bartmoss' Brainware Blowout – The Hardware and Software Compendium for Cyberpunk
Most of the netrunning stuff will stay a mysterium forever for me and I get why netrunning in the game is made that simple as it is. You simply cannot transfer this massive cyberspace stuff into a videogame. I imagine that e.g. Night City would have to be entirely rebuilt as cyberspace with changing interface virtual realities – everything needs an icon, has code gates, data walls, all kinds of watch dog programs and so on. There's like terrabites of programs runners use. From what I undestood is the quickhacks used in the game do invade other runner's and machine's MicroNets and we basically see it only happen in the real world because we do not see a runners cyberspace window. They are described like this:
"While The Net is a global community exploring everything fit for man and beast, a microNet is a pinched-off part of cyberspace all to itself with very small scope and very defined purpose. MicroNets are in things like: your own cyberwear, your smartgun, that AV-4 you were chased by last night or the hot little red Audi convertible of that girl you’ve been trying to find an excuse to get to know."
— Rache Bartmoss' Brainware Blowout – The Hardware and Software Compendium for Cyberpunk
MicroNets can be accessed through connection from outside (like these kind of data points or when you got real world access to it so you can simply jack in as we know in the game) or 'microNetrun' via a runner's c-deck. And I think ingame quickhacks such as "Synapse Burnout" as we gamers know them are in reality more Anti-Personnel programs called "Brainwipe" "Zombie" or "Lich". Last two are the evolution of Brainwipe what is describet like this:
Brainwipe is the simplest of a series of black programs, all of which are designed to attack the Netrunner instead of his programs. All black programs can be carried by an intruding Netrunner and used to attack other 'runners encountered in the Net. Brainwipe tracks the victim down, fries his forebrain with a jolt of current, and reduces him to a drooling vegetable <1D6 each turn to INTI. The screaming Netrunner feels his mind melt away, until his INT is reduced to O and he dies. Lost I NT cannot be regained.
This surely is a program Jaysen will definitely make use of. Vijay could but doesn't since he doesn't want to kill people anymore (he used it in his early runner days with a drugged mind as well).
Okay, okay I need to stop or it gets worse.
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archersartcorner · 1 year ago
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Tit Barry Syx. Sorry, hold on - Big Barry Tits. Okay hold on one more try. Big Titty Syx - okay you get the point.
Bonus:
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^ Definitely the galaxy’s Most Straightest Man
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hylianane · 8 months ago
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I was going to write this in the tags of your last post but i think it's important actually so I'm gonna send an ask
On a more serious note I'm actually kind of obsessed with psychoanalyzing Zoro specifically. Because he actually has some pretty big issues I think, mentally
He takes his self appointed job as protector of the crew very very seriously, and he's really hard on himself if he thinks he's failed in any way. I mean just look at him right after Little Garden, or how mad he is after losing his shadow on Thriller Bark.
So yeah there's nothing in that brain but swords and I fucking love that about him, he sure is sharpening them to an unhealthy degree isn't he. He's never strong enough, after all, to protect everyone.
I just,, really like combining silly ideas with serious ones, it's fun
GOD listen is 12:25 am but I just couldnt go to bed without at least STARTING to jot down my thoughts on this but like YEAH. for SURE. Zoro for all that he’s shown to be a pretty simple guy with a single-minded focus, has a LOT to chew on in terms of character depth and layers. There’s lots of fun contradictions to him too. He’s prideful and self-assured but also so often self-punishing, and he’s also someone who is fiercely independent and a free spirit, while having a habit of building his own identity around others (both his dreams are shared with others, they belong other people as much as they do to him and that’s a LOT to think about).
You may have actually caught me red handed here cause that ‘Journey to the Center of the Mind’ story concept maaaay be kind of something i’ve played around with for months now. I think I once tried to write out like a basic premise, but the only thing I really remember is is wanting Luffy to be the primary person to undergo the journey cause. if every Strawhat was present it’d feel less intimate, less personal, and I feel like Luffy would want to explore Zoro’s mind alone to preserve his privacy. Unaware that he’s the person Zoro has the most to hide from. I think the levels of Zoro’s willingness to put the Strawhat’s well being first has the potential to truly frighten him, if the visuals Zoro’s mind provides him are right.
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shrapnarl · 5 months ago
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quick dreamsnso i can find them later
#eating pine branches at grandmas.#lived next door.#renting.#pine branches were really tasty and chewy like ... soupy tootsie rolls?#tried to sneak up on sister#while holding a plastic bag#found. she thought i was soemthing worse. also had been followed by crows for awhile#went back home. grandparents mom and uncles gave me 21 cents and advice on how to have a good birthday on the dime#played sonic the hedgehog with mom except ive never played sonic before in my life so it definitely wasnt that#more like animal crossing with an explore / battle mode?#and you could only pick from 3 characters#mom played with me. i was surprised.#. next dream#exploring a minecraft like world. big mansion#somehow end up in hell#i fall down and loose my exit. have to fight invisible ghasts and monsters until i can explore and find a way back#find a way back. no tools. hard to find resources to make a pickaxe in this mansion.#im with a bunch of people and mocked for not being able to find twigs#someone destroys a chair and hands me a bundle of twigs#i know the next step is to go punch a tree but all the trees growing here are pretty and i dont want to#later theres some ceremony. funeral maybe but with more religious undertones?#i have to wear a dress#and am handed heavy dangly earrings to wear#after i mourn and gather myself. some sort of special symbolism.#i take longer to mourn than the crowd of others would like#wearing the earrings themselves feels like tremendous grief to me. the weight of doing something I Am Not.#then they ask me to put on eyeshadow too#all of this in a very feminine way mind you#i tear tf out of there and flee#i run into more people in the hallway. somehow this place ends up being the church i grew up in
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absolutelyzoned · 7 months ago
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make his power making other people gay
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kittlyns · 8 months ago
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I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day
#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute#so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back.#pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few.#over and over and over.#and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick.#and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much#but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment.#which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow?#even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it#she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan#I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!!#no response. deep inhale. alright.#whatever tho.#when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning#and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area.#and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell#like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color.#I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH???#and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine.#there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him#and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times.#there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously.#I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out#was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do.#got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night.#put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over#blahhhhhh#and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
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flufflecat · 9 months ago
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Really not feelin it this week. Tag rant incoming
#it's just been a slew of horrible things this week and idk how to handle any of it#we had to take my childhood cat to the vet on Monday bc she's very sick and very skinny#and we thought we'd have to put her down#I'm so thankful bc she still has a bit of time and really all I want is for her to be comfortable again before she dies#but shes in such bad shape#and I hate seeing her like that. I found her when she was just a few weeks old#and now she's 15 and she just got old out of nowhere#and I'm not gonna be able to see her anymore soon#I'm going to a funeral Saturday for one of my aunts#I wasn't close to her since I was a kid but my family more or less abandoned her#and now she's dead and I never went to see her when she was alone#and today my other aunt died. and I was close to her.#I haven't seen her in years either though bc of more family drama.#and I never visited her either. idek if she was alone or if she had people.#I should have visited her when we found out she was sick but I just didn't#idk what to do. it's all just piling up#I feel worse rn than I have in years#and more bad things just keep happening#I was excited this week bc I got some work done on my college application#but now my motivation is just gone#I just wanna sleep and wake up and find out that my aunt is actually alive and someone just got it wrong somehow#but I can't fall asleep and that won't happen so waking up won't even be worth that#I would call off work tomorrow but I don't wanna be alone and my coworkers are the only people I know in town#at least they're all nice people#this all sucks so fucking bad#personal#negative
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moe-broey · 2 years ago
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Boots :)
Another Started As A Test Subject and now they're literally the only thing I ever fucking wear. Idk how well it shows in the pics but they are badly cracked and have been worn into the ground but like. Shoe comfy :(
Also the wings are a new addition! The inner ones slap against each other. Doesn't really bother me personally though so I'm keeping them as is 😅 Oh, and the laces are paracord!
#funnily enough these are also something i got at the beginning of my transition thinking 'oh yeah this is masc. surely.'#final tangent but this is why insane fucking terfs/transphobes who are like#'noooo don't transition what about our butches what about our tomboy gfs :(((('#i was literally never either of those things.#they are all so stupid 🥲 (for. a lot of very obvious reasons LMFAOO but specifically for that as well.)#but yeah i literally used fashion and artsy self expression as a way to cope LMFAOOO#and as a way to draw attention away from myself. despite. drawing SO much attention to myself.#seems counter intuitive and i won't argue w you there LMAOO it was to sort of just. be like.#look at my cute outfit :) don't. don't even think about the guy underneath them.#AND it was ALSO the only way i could somehow feel some semblance of self. cause i did truly love what i'd wear#and then i'd wonder why i'd break down crying at the thought of what i am without those clothes.#just? a girl? the idea gutted me and made me want to tear my skin off with my nails and teeth#but like. i'm sure this has zero implications about me. who i am. ect. and has nothing to do w trans thoughts i had in middle school.#time to pick a perfect outfit and get a good grade in Girl™ 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊#nowadays i just wake up put on a band tee and i'm just some guy. forever and always. it's so fucking cool#literally does not matter if it's a pants day or a shorts and tights day i'm just some guy. it's so fucking awesome 😎👍#for real even though i do still struggle w dysphoria some days worse than others i am so at peace.#i just wish everyone saw me the way i do. i literally cannot comprehend how anyone looks at me and goes#'ah....... a woman.' like. dude. for real? what are you seeing that i don't.#like bro!!! way not cool!!!! lame ass motherfucker!!!!#<- GSJSGSJ WAIT WHEN DID I USE THIS TAG BEFORE LMFAOO?? IT'S. SO FITTING HERE HAHAHAHA#anyways i was gonna say idk if i saw a motherfucker who's clearly striving for some androgyny#and a sick ass mullet no matter what immediately registers in my mind that i may have to correct later#i'm just. going to assume. they are some type of queer. and i am avoiding pronouns/gendered language#til they tell me 'oh yeah i'm :) and my pronouns are :)' and i'd adjust accordingly.#like idk that's so normal to me. what's not clicking for literally everyone else.#UGH ANYWAY i've been ranting and infodumping way too long i wanna get ready for bed now LMFAO#also if at any point you've looked at these pics and thought 'damn bitch you live like this'#yes. i know. i'm aware. i do live like this LMFAO 🫡😔#my projects
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theinfinitedivides · 1 year ago
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said a prayer for Jjong today.
#shinee#jonghyun#idk i don't usually yk. do things like that for people that have passed but it's been six years and it felt fitting somehow#six years ago i was what. 12 about to turn 13???? had already been to a fair bit of funerals but the only ones that had hit me before#this one were the pianist at our church who passed away suddenly from a heart attack and the regional club leader who had cancer#for like three years and passed just as the doctors thought she would go into remission#and those both happened around October/November so. going into the winter season has always been hard for me and Jjong#was no different.#it's gotten better slowly but it still hurts sometimes. some days i wake up and i can't even look at any of his pictures other days#i get up and put his albums on loop and laugh and reblog so many of his antics#it's funny bc when my aunt passed on New Year's in 2019 it was exactly two weeks after the 1st anniversary date rolled around. always has#been but i never noticed until we lost her and we had to go down for the funeral and i basically disappeared off the internet for a good#two to four months sans queue and checking in on Discord and sh*t and that year he managed to keep me sane. sounds f*cked up#but that year it was just me and Spotify and my playlists and Jjong's voice amid it all. i wish i could meet him and tell him in person#that he practically saved my life even tho the fandom was still raw af from losing him but the prayer will have to be enough#you did well Jjong. you worked so hard. you are our pride. love you to the moon and back 🌒🌙 <333
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eldesperadont · 2 years ago
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transphobic of njpw to possibly having shit go down today with Bullet Club, right when im on my period - im not normal about things, especially not when im fucking bleeding
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endermaans · 2 years ago
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I did the chasm quest (perilous trail, featuring xiao and many many others) last night. nobody told me I was going to be in hysterics the entire way down
anyways here's a few screenshots from when I was 0.2 seconds away from bursting into tears
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bonus: this shit happened and I had to stare at my screen and go "kaeya are you seeing this shit"
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neverendingford · 4 months ago
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#tag talk#vent#wow okay so turns out my psychiatrist didn't ghost me she just put in the med refills without telling me#so I was waiting for her to message me back like a fucking idiot because expecting professional communication is apparently too much#I genuinely think I might cry I'm so fucking... not even mad. just incredibly let down#the autistic realization that you do in fact have to do everything yourself because you can't trust anyone to give you the support you need#you have to put in the extra work constantly just to survive because the environment is so incredibly hostile without even meaning to be#I didn't know I needed to check my prescriptions again. I didn't realize she would just add a refill without telling me.#the thought never crossed my mind. so I accepted my fate and experienced three weeks of hell#and I'm such a fucking doormat that the strongest word I could use to describe it to her was “interesting”.#I laughed and brushed it off like it was nothing because I was too afraid to say “I went through hell and you're responsible”#and I know my best option is to just suck it up and go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared to#I'm so fucking scared of going back on. getting it in my system. and then somehow getting cut off again#scared of relying on anything but myself because I know it'll just let me down again#I genuinely felt the worst I've ever felt. not just physically. my brain was on fire.#my brain was burning and all I knew to do was endure the pain without saying anything.#because I didn't know that I should follow up. I didn't know how to navigate the system. and I suffered for it.#self advocacy is so necessary but it's so fucking difficult and scary#and I laugh and joke and pretend to be this confident easy-going careless persona when I'm really not#I'm fucking terrified of bothering people or upsetting them.#I had a whole grand speech in my head about how I would hold her accountable for this mistake#and then the moment came and all I could do was laugh it off out of fear.#and all I can do is cry about it and feel like a fucking failure#I know I should go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared I don't want to feel like that ever again#I lost who I was. I lost my sense of self. my body stopped working in any of the ways it's supposed to#I've only just now come out of emergency power mode and I'm terrified of it happening to me again#I've been sleeping a ton recently. I'll wake up really early in the morning and then work on going back to sleep#my body is a machine and I've learned the proper input codes to make myself go to sleep#but I'm back to depression napping for 12-16 hours. entering recovery mode and trying to fix the damage I've experienced#I keep having really bad nightmares though. I know I need the sleep so I put up with it but it sucks so fucking much
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lavenderyoonji · 4 months ago
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pretend this isn’t me you’ve never seen me i don’t exist
#i’m not even about to start my period and yet i’m just as sad as i usually get around that time#i think a lot of this comes down to what happened with my ex lmao#it was so good until she spent the night for the second time#she came over after a date with someone else where she explicitly told me she planned to have sex#i’ve never felt so fucking brushed to the side#i felt like an object. like i was somehow used just so she didn’t have to drive up to sf#she truly has no regard for anyone in her life except for herself#i kept telling her i was uncomfortable with her offering me money and yet she offered it to me time and time again#all i asked of her was to tell me if she wasn’t masking#and she didn’t. she put her comfort over a virus that has already caused life-altering issues for me#i’ve never had someone so blatantly disregard me all while claiming to love me#also! fucked up to tell your partner you love them after fucking someone else! cannot believe that has to be said#i thought she was gonna be good for me. i thought finally; finally someone wanted me in person#sometimes it feels like the only people to want me for more than my body and my ability to be walked on are online#which like. i love attention i’ll take it all but also it would feel nice to have someone see the all of me and want all of it#also friendship is so wonderful and fills me with so much joy#but feeling so undesired romantically is something i’ve lived with for years and it never gets less painful#if i had better taste maybe things would be different#but every single real life partner i’ve had has exclusively wanted me for either sex or emotional support#i just want to feel loved#not just told i am#but i want to feel it.#okay sad post over
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inkprincesse · 7 months ago
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Can someone please explain why mental anguish can not only make me throw up (i get that part) but also cause physical pain in my extremities? My arms hurt like the way my hands used to at the nail salon when they put them under uv a little too long. My knee hurts in a way it hasn’t in days. My body doesn’t want to let me uncurl, it feels physically painful, and through all of this my brain hurts in a way i cannot describe but is sending jolts through my whole body
I used to say having feelings was worth the highs and lows but idk about these lows. I really don’t.
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vintagebuckybarnes · 2 months ago
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In Vino Veritas
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Pairing → Avenger! Bucky Barnes x Lab Assistant! Female! Reader
Total Wordcount → 3.5K
Summary → It all started when you and the Avengers enjoyed drinks during the afterparty back at the Avengers Tower. There, Tony revealed one of your deepest secrets, and even though you wish it had never come to light at first, you’re glad it did when the man you love stands on your doorstep, ready to start the rest of your life together.
Tags & Warnings → Semi-canon compliant, Avenger! Bucky Barnes, Female! Reader, Tony’s Lab Assistant! Reader, Bucky’s past as TWS is mentioned, emotional hurt/comfort, mutual pining, some cursing, and explicit sexual content.
Tags: Smut → Grinding, begging, some dirty talk, praise, teasing Bucky, protected sex, cowgirl position.
Story Rating → Explicit
Author’s Note → This story is beta'd by the wonderful @late-to-the-party-81, and I cannot thank you enough for that. I hope you'll all enjoy my story, which is filled with some angst, lots of fluff, and some smut to top it all off! 💜
Writing Prompts @fandom-free-bingo Bug Edition → “There is no us.” | Riding | In vino veritas | “Touch me.” @fandom-free-bingo Medical Edition → Crush at first sight @julybreakbingo Post-JBB → Being confronted about their feelings for another
Tags List → If you’d like to be tagged in my stories, you can add yourself to my tag list here.
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The evening starts fine, good, even. But it all takes an unexpected turn when the man you work for - Tony Stark - reveals your secret. A secret that you’d only recently revealed to him.
Earlier that day, you’d spotted Bucky as he was working out and from that moment on your mind has been with him instead of your usual work and tasks.
“Hello, Y/N? Anyone home in there?” Tony asks as he lays a hand on your shoulder, making you jump. You look up at him with a worried look while he smiles back at you with a kind expression. A soft sigh escapes your lips as the thoughts in your head wander off again, specifically how his back looked underneath the tank top he wore in the gym while doing squats. Not only that, but you also can’t stop thinking about the way his ass looked in the sweatpants he wore. In a word, magnificent.
“Is everything okay with you? You’ve been a bit off your game today.” As Tony sits next to you, you put down the screwdriver you were holding - the one he asked you three times to pass to him - before turning to face him, your gaze focusing somewhere on the wall behind him. For a moment, there’s a silence between you as you gather the courage to tell him what’s been on your mind.
“Well, uhm- There’s something, or someone, that I can’t stop thinking about, and it’s taking over my mind every second of every day. It- It’s Bucky,” you say almost in a whisper. For a few seconds, Tony is completely silent as he lets the thought of you having a crush on one of his fellow Avengers sit in his mind. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, he reaches out for your hand and takes it between his warm ones.
“You know that I’ll always support you in everything, right? I supported you when you expressed your desire to halt your life as an Avenger and retrain as my lab technician, and I supported you when you moved out of Avengers Tower to have your own home with more peace. This is not going to be any different. All I’m hoping for is that he will make you the happiest and best version of you, as you deserve nothing less.”
Tears brim at your waterline as Tony tells you this, and even though you deeply appreciate him, his words, and everything he has done for you, you can’t help but still feel a bit… odd about the fact you told him you’re having a crush on Bucky. That you have a crush on the man who was once the most feared assassin in the world under the hands of HYDRA.
“Now, can you hand me that screwdriver before your thoughts wander off to him again?” your boss asks in a teasing tone, making you smile as you grab it and hand it to him. Somehow, he always seems to know the right thing to say, and it's exactly why you enjoy spending time by his side while learning everything there is to know about his lab and what's going on in there.
Just as you’re about to get comfortable with another drink in your hand, you meet the gaze of the man you’re crushing on, and you feel heat coursing through your veins. The lines around his deep blue eyes intensify as he smiles at you, his attention making every last thought in your brain disappear. You’re so captivated by how Bucky looks at you that you miss your seat as you sit down. However, before you fall, you’re caught by a pair of solid arms that prevent you from hitting the floor.
“Careful there, Little One,” Thor says in his deep voice, his accent always making the butterflies in your stomach go wild. Even though you’d known Thor since you were young, you couldn’t help but get a little flustered by the nickname, and he smiled at you as you were finally sitting on the chair you intended to use.
“Thank you, Thor,” you whisper before sipping your cocktail. Around you, the conversations are starting to become a little blurry as you focus on Bucky and everything he has to say, his lips forming around the words effortlessly. When you suddenly feel a little shove against your arm, you yelp, making everyone go silent as they look at you.
“What did you do that for?!” you ask Thor in a low voice, but all he does is point to Tony, who obviously has something to say as he’s waving for everyone’s attention. There are moments when you enjoy the fact that alcohol can bring out people’s true feelings or thoughts, also known as in vino veritas, but not now. Oh no, now you wish you could disappear as you listen to the words coming out of Tony’s mouth.
“Guys, you really shouldn’t say this to Bucky or Y/N, but they’re having a massive crush on one another!” Tony says in a loud whispering tone, but what he fails to notice in his inebriated state is that you two are sitting right across from one another, enjoying the afterparty just like everyone else. Or at least, you were enjoying the afterparty until your secret got out.
The glass you were holding falls out of your hand before shattering into pieces on the floor, and your feet carry you as fast as they can away from the party and away from your worst nightmare come true. The music behind you fades away as you turn one corner after another, tears burning in your eyes as the event repeatedly replays in your mind. Your lungs start to burn as you keep running, the stinging feeling in your side increasing as you run out of the Avengers Tower into the night.
Meanwhile, Bucky’s world feels like it has taken a 180-degree turn. Mere minutes ago, he could only fantasize that you could have feelings for him, but now? A wave of disbelief washes over the super soldier, his expression showing pure surprise as he takes the moment in. For him, it was a crush at first sight from the momentyou walked into the training room on your first day. Over the years, his feelings have intensified, although he has only told Steve about his crush - or rather his now deep-rooted love - for you.
And yet, now that the pair of you have been confronted about your feelings for one another, he doesn’t know what to do. He has replayed the moment he’d confess his feelings to you more times than he can count in his mind, and in none of those versions, this is one of the scenarios that had appeared. It’s only when Steve grabs his arm and pulls him away that he seemingly comes back to reality again.
“Bucky, how does Tony know about your crush on Y/N? I mean, I’m, of course, fine with you sharing it, but-”
“I don’t know, Steve, I don’t know, and it kills me,” Bucky says as he runs his fingers through his cropped hair.“Fuck- I was planning on telling her this week but… but now it’s ruined, and I didn’t even get the chance to talk to her, and-” It’s all Bucky can say as he fights the urge to punch the wall with his metal fist, both hands clenched by his side as he tries to regulate his breathing. Without warning, Steve pulls him into a hug, and Bucky’s arms snake around his best friend's waist as his fingers clutch at the fabric of his shirt.
“It’s going to be okay, I promise,” Steve whispers, though he’s not entirely sure that’s true because he knows as well as anyone that things don’t always go back to how they were before. Still, Bucky decides to believe him as they stand there for a little while longer, and he soaks in every bit of comfort he can get for now. Lord knows he’s going to need it.
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The past few days have been strange, to say the least. You haven’t been to the Avengers Tower since Tony revealed your now not-so-secret crush on the super soldier. You’re afraid of what will happen if you do. This also means you haven’t seen Bucky in a few days, and you miss him. You miss hearing his laugh, and you miss seeing how his mouth turns slightly upward as you hand him one of your baked goods, but most of all, you miss how his arms feel when he pulls you in for a hug.
Just as you’re about to make yourself a cup of tea, you get pulled from your thoughts by a soft but familiar knock on the door; only one thing can make that sound: Bucky’s metal hand knocking against the wood. For a moment, you contemplate your actions, but decide to give him at least a chance to talk, especially as it wasn’t him who laid out your feelings in front of everyone.
“Bucky, hi,” you say softly as you take in his appearance, your heart sinking as you do. It’s evident he hasn’t slept at all the past few days. There are dark circles under his eyes, and he doesn’t look as healthy as usual—more disheveled. The struggles he’s facing are apparent in his entire demeanor, and all you want to do is wrap him up in a warm blanket and cuddle him until the end of time.
“Hi,” he says hoarsely, and you step aside, allowing him to enter your apartment. He’s been here a few times already, and usually there’s a warmth radiating from you and every inch of the little place you call home, but ever since the party, it hasn’t been the same. It isn’t just the apartment, either. You feel different.
“Would you like some tea before we talk?” you ask to break the tension. “I was about to make some.”
He nods at you before wandering further into your apartment, and you head to the kitchen, picking out another mug for Bucky to use. Once he’s caught sight of your couch, he immediately takes a seat, a soft groan audible as he does. There aren’t many places more comfortable than the large couch that’s standing right here in your living room.
When you emerge a few minutes later with two steaming mugs of tea and a plate filled with chocolate chip cookies you baked fresh this morning, Bucky can’t help but smile at you. He gladly takes the tea with one of the cookies, as they’re his favorite, and when you sit down next to him, it feels just like it always has, as if nothing has changed. But you both know it has, and that’s why the super soldier’s now in your living room.
“So…” you start, unsure what to say now that he’s sitting on your couch. Bucky’s eyes are trained on the steaming tea in his hands, his thoughts going a mile a minute as he’s thinking about what he wants to say - other than confessing his love for you.
“So… uhm, we missed seeing you around the Tower,” Bucky starts, though you both know it’s mostly him who has missed seeing you there. You have always been a staple there during his mornings as you make him a cup of coffee, and during movie nights, you were always the one he could sit next to and enjoy the movie, but now that you’re not there, it’s like a piece of soul has left the Tower with you.
“I mean, yeah. It’s been a bit awkward for me to go back after what happened a few days ago,” you tell him, and a shudder of horror runs down your spine at the thought of having to face Tony again. A smile tugs at the corners of Bucky’s lips as he thinks back to what happened that night, a happy memory of your first meeting resurfacing in the back of his mind as he does.
“Good morning, Sergeant Barnes. I’ve made some chocolate chip cookies, if you want some. However, I should warn you, Tony’s been on the prowl since I took them out of the oven, so I’ll advise you to be quick,” you say with a glare towards Tony, who has been eyeing them up since he walked into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. For the first time in a long time, Bucky showed something akin to a smile, and everyone looked at each other to ensure they saw it, too.
“Thank you,” he says lowly, grabbing one of the smaller ones on the plate, followed by a cup of coffee, before swiftly leaving the kitchen to spend more time in his room. Before Bucky even left the kitchen, Tony was on the cookies as if he hadn’t eaten in weeks, and this time you let him.
“Can I- Is it okay if I tell you something? Because if I don’t say it now, I don’t know if I ever will,” Bucky says softly, and you nod before repositioning yourself so that you’re facing him. His gaze is still trained on his mug as he thinks carefully about his next words, afraid he might accidentally say the wrong thing.
“Tony was right. He is right, actually. When he said, we’re crushing on each other. I’ve been crushing on you since you offered me those chocolate chip cookies when Tony threatened to eat them all before anyone else had a chance to get them. It was like a switch flipped inside me back then, and I haven’t been the same since,” Bucky says, his mouth now in a line as he tells you about his feelings.
“Each time I look at you, it’s like I’m seeing an angel, and every time I hear your voice, it’s like a little piece of my soul is healing, too. I find myself drawn to you in every room and wonder what life has in store for us. But deep down inside, I know there is no ‘us’ yet. But I want there to be us. I want you, Y/N. I want you to be mine, in whatever capacity you’ll have me. If you want to stay friends, that’s okay with me, but if you want more, I’ll happily accept every bit of love you’re willing to offer me.”
Once Bucky’s done, you’re unsure what to say. What to think. What to do. You want to say that the feelings between you are mutual, that you’re in love with him and that you want nothing more than to be his, but something inside you is stopping you. So, instead of saying anything, you place your hand over his flesh limb, and his eyes slip shut at the feeling of your soft fingers against his rough hand.
“Bucky.” His name is a whisper on your lips, but it’s enough to make him look at you, to meet your gaze.
“I’m in love with you, too.”
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As soon as the words leave your lips, Bucky carefully put his tea on the coffee table before hauling you onto his lap, his hands digging into the soft flesh of your waist as your lips interlock in a passionate dance. He can’t get enough of your soft mouth slotting together with his and the way his tongue fights for dominance with yours as your fingers dig into his neck. It’s been a long time since you’ve felt a strong connection with someone, and you’re happy to explore it with Bucky.
Your hips grind over his growing length of their own volition,your body looking for any bit of friction it can get. Without warning, one of Bucky’s hands slides lower until he’s cupping your ass, making you gasp into his mouth as a result. Bucky can’t help but smile into the kiss as he pulls you impossibly closer, your legs spreading just a bit further as you sink against his muscular body.
“Hmm, I’ve been wanting this - you - for so long,” he says between the kisses trailing your jaw towards your ear, his teeth nipping on your earlobe as your head lolls to the side. With every passing second, your thoughts are melting away more and more, and all that’s left inside your mind is Bucky. Soon, his other hand joins the first as he helps you grind onto him, a groan falling from his lips as he sets a perfect pace for you both.
“B-Bucky—" his name sounds more like a whine than anything else. “I—I want you.”
“But you already have me, pretty girl, ‘m right here,” he says with a teasing lilt to his voice, his hands continuing to help you grind until you’re a complete mess for him. Your shorts are ruined, your arousal soaking through them and onto the bulge in his black jeans, much to Bucky’s joy. He was wondering what it would take to get you to this point, and it turns out it won’t take much.
He smiles against the skin of your neck, where he’s taking his time to mark you with hickeys and small bitemarks, all of which leave you a bit more of a moaning, begging mess on his lap, much to his pride. When one of your hands moves away from his neck and down his torso, he quickly catches on to what you’re doing. “Someone’s a little impatient today, huh?”
“Yes, oh god, yes! I need you to touch me, Bucky. I want to feel you inside me as you make me fall apart on your cock, and I need you to fuck me like there’s no tomorrow!” Your voice sounds more breathy than usual, but every care you thought you had has gone out the window. All you want is Bucky and his cock to ride, until you’re orgasming so hard and long you can’t remember your name.
“Okay, I will. Don’t you worry about anything, okay? Let me take care of you, and I’ll give you everything you need and more,” he reassures you in a shushing voice. You nod before kissing him again, which immediately deepens before he gently helps you get up, allowing you to take off your panties and shorts, and he can take off his pants and boxershorts, too. As soon as you’re both freed from your last pieces of clothing, you hand him a condom you retrieved from the side table drawer while he took the time to undress himself.
“Hmmm, looks so thick,” you tell him as you look at it with wide eyes, wondering how he’s going to fit inside you as you’re positioning yourself on his lap once more, your legs bracketing his thicks thighs as you get comfortable.
“I know, but I’m gonna go slow. Wouldn’t want to hurt you and your perfect, sweet little pussy.” He smiles as he holds his cock in place, your pliant body sinking onto him slowly as your fingers dig into his shoulders to steady yourself. Your hiss of pleasure is audible and your face contorts at the slight sting of him stretching you, but just like he promised, Bucky is taking it slow to ensure you’ll both have the most amazing first time.
As soon as you’re fully seated on his lap, your body goes limp against him, your face tucked in the crook of his neck as you adjust to his girth, and Bucky places soft kisses on your head while praising you through it all. “You’re doing so well for me, baby. Such a good girl for me, letting me take the lead and giving you exactly what you need.”
A small smile appears on your face as you look up at him with big, doe-like eyes, and he can’t help but smile back as the back of his fingers gently caress your cheek. He may have thought you were beautiful before, but nothing compares to this moment. 
“I love you, Y/N, and I promise to take care of you with every fiber of my being,” he whispers, his lips sealing his promise against your cheek. Your eyes fall shut at his words, and his hand moves down your side until it’s on your hip again, ready for you to let him know when you’re good to go. Your bodies work in complete sync with one another with every rise and fall of your chest, and his hands guide you beautifully as you slowly sink and rise on his length.
“Fuck, you feel so good,” he groans, and it doesn’t take long for both of you to find your highs for the first time, and they’re serving as a promise of everything else that’s still to come in this lifetime. A few days ago, you and Bucky didn’t even know you felt the same about one another, but now you’re sharing the start of the rest of your lives, and it’s all thanks to Tony. Because without him, you wouldn’t have been able to tell the man of your dreams how much you love him.
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Masterlist → Bucky Barnes
GIF: Source → All the other graphics you see are made by @vintagebuckybarnes
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lostfracturess · 2 months ago
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seven minutes of misunderstanding — satoru gojo
of all the ridiculous situations you've found yourself in, being trapped in a closet with satoru gojo has to top the list. especially when you're convinced he's dating his best friend.
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Of all the places you expected to end up tonight, being crammed in a tiny closet with Satoru Gojo wasn't one of them.
A stupid campus party game had somehow led to this moment—you, him, and about fifteen winter coats in a space barely big enough for one person, let alone two.
You're painfully aware of every point where your bodies touch — your back against his chest as you try to avoid the hanging coats, his breath tickling your neck, his hand awkwardly hovering somewhere near your waist like he's not sure where to put it.
The closet is so small that when you attempt to turn around to face him (because somehow facing him seems less intimate than having his breath on your neck), your chest brushes against his.
You hear his sharp intake of breath, feel the way his body tenses against yours. You're so close to him in a way it makes your skin tingle, and you're grateful for the darkness hiding your blush.
"So..." Satoru drawls. "Come here often?"
"Did you seriously just—" You try to gesture incredulously and end up elbowing him in the ribs with enough force to make him grunt. "Shit, sorry!"
You try to put some distance between you but that only results in you stepping on his foot. "Oh god, I'm so sorry! Again!"
"Just—don't move," he says, his hands finally finding your shoulders to hold you still. You feel the warmth of his palms through your shirt as he clears his throat. "We could just... not do anything. Nothing has to happen if you don't want it to. We can just wait it out."
The consideration in his voice surprises you. You try to see his face in the darkness and end up with a mouthful of fuzzy coat. After spitting out what you hope isn't synthetic fur, you say, "That's really sweet of you. And like, I get it. This must be super awkward for you too."
"Awkward?" He sounds puzzled.
"Yeah, I mean... being stuck in here with a girl when you're..."
"When I'm what?"
"You know..." You wave your hand vaguely in the narrow space. "I just meant, like, with you and Geto..."
There's a moment of complete silence, and then Satoru starts laughing so hard you can feel him shaking against you. "You think— me and Suguru? Oh my god, is that why you turned me down for lunch last month?"
"Wait, what? I thought you were just being nice! You're always hanging all over Geto—"
"Because he's my best friend."
"And that time I saw you feeding him—"
"He had a broken arm!"
"The couples' costume at Halloween—"
"We were Mario and Luigi! They are brothers."
Every explanation makes you want to dissolve into the floor more. "Oh my god," you say. "You know everyone on campus thinks you're gay—not that there's anything wrong with that! I totally support you two, you're so cute together and—"
"Can you please stop," he interrupts, pressing a finger to your lips to silence you. "I am very, very interested in women."
Your heart skips. "Oh, really?"
"Yes." His voice drops lower as he removes his finger from your lips. "One woman in particular, actually." You can feel him lean closer. "And she's currently pressed up against me in a very small closet."
"Oh," is all you can manage, your brain short-circuiting as you process his words. You try to lean back slightly, but there's nowhere to go, and suddenly his face is very close to yours.
Then he asks a question you never thought Satoru Gojo would ever ask you. "Can I kiss you?"
The question is soft, almost vulnerable—so unlike the usual Satoru you know. When you don't immediately respond, too shocked to form words, his hand comes up to gently cup your chin, tilting your face up to meet his gaze in the darkness. "Can I kiss you?" he asks again, his thumb brushing across your lower lip.
A breathless "yes" escapes your lips before you can overthink it.
The first brush of his lips against yours is gentle, questioning, like he's afraid you might change your mind.
Then you grab his shirt and pull him closer, and gentle goes right out the window. He kisses like he's trying to prove a point, like he's been thinking about this for ages, and oh — maybe he has been.
His hands slide from your face to your waist, pulling you flush against him as he deepens the kiss. You gasp against his mouth, and he takes the opportunity to sweep his tongue against yours, drawing a small sound from your throat that makes him grip you tighter.
"Still think I'm gay?" he says against your jaw, trailing kisses down your neck that make your knees weak.
"Not sure," you tease him, even as your head tilts back to give him better access. "Might need more convincing."
You feel him smile against your neck. "More convincing, huh?"
In one fluid motion, he presses you more firmly against the wall, his body completely flush against yours. One of his hands slides into your hair while the other grips your hip, thumb stroking the strip of skin where your shirt has ridden up.
"Let me be very clear then." He punctuates each word with a kiss. "I am very—" kiss "—very—" kiss "—interested—" kiss "—in you."
His hand tightens in your hair as his tongue sweeps against yours, drawing a small whimper from your throat that makes him groan in response.
"God," he breathes against your lips, pulling back just enough to speak. "Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to do this?"
You can't form a coherent response because he's already kissing you again, harder this time, more desperate. Something falls off a nearby shelf as you shift against him, but neither of you care.
You're so lost in each other that you don't hear the warning knock. The door flies open, flooding the space with light and the sounds of party chaos.
"God, finally!" Geto's voice breaks through the stunned silence. "Do you know how long I've had to watch him pine over you?"
"Suguru, I will literally murder you," Satoru growls, but he doesn't let go of you. Instead, he leans down, his lips brushing against your ear. "Wanna leave this party?"
And oh, you do.
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© lostfracturess. do not repost, translate, or modify my work.
tags. @fayuki @starmapz @saurondriell @starlightanyaaa @sxnkuna
@cocomanga @nanamis-baker @rosso-seta @shervinss @chiyokoemilia
@janbannan
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