#I had to look up reference images for this. absolutely terrible. I hate him even more now

[droppingartintotheinfinite]

help girl how do I architecture

[tennybird]

I have opinions about TotK. This is your spoiler warning if you haven't played/finished it yet. Also all of this is, once again, just my opinion on it and not a decisive fact! I will probably misremember things!

Anyway.

Okay so basically as someone who got it on release and beat it within a week, I'm a little underwhelmed by the game now that I'm looking back over half a year later.

It's not a terrible game! I'll say that first and foremost. But after waiting so long for it, and trying so hard to not hype myself up for it (failing horribly at that), it feels just a bit... same-y. The story is nice, and it's different. The boss fights and abilities you gain during your travels are nice. Everything else, though...

I like the map having stayed similar, with enough changes that I have to relearn some areas. The Depths are really fucking cool, and figuring out on my own that they're a negative of the overworld was incredible! But the sky islands were a little disappointing, I think. When we were told we'd be in the sky a lot, I thought there'd be more large islands like the tutorial one that you could walk around on. More references to Skyward Sword, too. It feels to me that they put more love into the Depths than the sky, in a way.

I like the main story. Figuring out Zelda was the Light Dragon (but not really believing it until the final Tears), and that she'd essentially spent thousands and thousands of years trapped inside herself, was AWESOME. Every cutscene involving her as the Light Dragon hit me hard, and I felt genuine sorrow everytime I saw her floating around the sky.

...That being said, I DO wish we could have a game where you get to actually travel with her. I WANT her to tell me about the minor lore of the world! I want to know about the various flora and fauna, and I want her to talk about Hyrule's history! Zelda is part of the royal family, and I'd imagine that part of her studies pre-BotW she'd have to learn about the history of her family (especially because of the importance of the Goddess' blood...). With how pre-BotW went between her and her powers, and her and her father, I'd imagine she'd make it a point to learn more about their history that ISN'T just the prophecy.

I, personally, did not like most of the temple boss fights. I can't really explain much of why- except for Queen Gibdo. I HATED Queen Gibdo because of all the smaller Gibdo chasing you, trying to chase down Riju for her power... It was a lot of things stacked on each other, and simply not my thing. Colgera was an absolute favorite however! The boss theme is AWESOME, the mechanics of being in the air and having to watch for projectiles, as well as crashing through the ice sheets to take it down? VERY, VERY FUN. Climbing through the sky just to get to the temple itself was one of my favorite experiences. Going up and up and up, and finally reaching the top where you break out above the storm clouds and see clear skies...

A thing that bothers me about the temples is that the cutscene at the end, where the ancient Sages gifts their powers to the new ones... I feel like they could've spent a little more time making them different, even if that meant more time in development. I would be okay with that! I think games should be in development longer in order to produce a good, finished product! Anyway.

The fight with Ganondorf was fun for me. I get SUPER immersed in it, so it was a fearful moment when I thought I'd beaten him, only to see his health bar fill again... and then go offscreen. And the DEMON DRAGON FIGHT? Holy SHIT.

I just wish there was more... substance to the game, I guess? It feels weird saying that. There are more things to do, but it's missing something I can't name. Something BotW had, but is now gone. I like TotK, like I said. It's clearly had love put into it, and I'm glad the developers spent more time on getting it as close to the perfect image they wanted as they could. Maybe it's just cause I've spent more time with BotW (over 300 hours), but I think I'm a little biased towards it. Maybe I'm just getting older and grumpier about vidya games, too. Who knows!

If you read all this, cool! I will reiterate that this is simply my view on it! If your view is different, good!! I'm happy to know there are people out there who enjoy it more than I did. Or if you hate it more than I do, maybe you have other things you want to point out about it that I missed.

[krysmcscience]

Get ready for Amogus Spam!!!

Characters belong to @crinklytinfoil - I just came up with the designs and outfits~ All appearance details are taken directly from either the fics themselves (which, as always, approach with caution and MIND THE TAGS) or the comments sections of said fics, though I have also relentlessly poked Crinkle IRL for additional details, such as each character's name and individual fashion sense...or lack thereof (Finnegan) XD

(If you want to read the fics, keep in mind that you will need to be signed in to an Ao3 account first! And again - MIND THE TAGS! Shit gets dark FAST.)

The Skeld bois! The fucked up crew that started it all~ Only like five actual decent human beings on this crew, and all but one of them fukken DIED, lmao. (Congrats on surviving, Devon, you used to be Kind Of An Asshole but you got better. XD) Clark is such an Obvious Dad - it's why he had to die first, he was the only thing keeping shit together, True Facts, sorry you had to find out this way. <:/ Adam is so Fishing, I bet he fantasizes about having a trout boyfriend girlfriend in his spare time. :) Brown is Babby (stabby-babby), but we all knew that already. And then there's wannabe High Class Fuckboi Purple and his emo "boyfriend", yaaaay, can't wait to find out how Purple dies or anything like that, noooo... All that aside, White's outfit makes me want to die inside, why would anyone want to mix hippie and ouji lolita aesthetics??? White, please, no, even your fashion sense is torturous! D:>

(Full-size here, in case tumblr fucks it up)

Corpatch babbies! Everyone on this crew is certified Babby. (Yes, even you, Skylar. Sorry I had to separate you from Pink in the final image, it was too wide and I hated it, please I'm sorry, put the wrench away-) Love that I got to mostly copy-pasta Devon, made my life so much easier after the artistic nightmare that was Stacy's outfit. Fun Fact: That dress is one of over a hundred jellyfish-themed lolita dresses I've designed! This one has a box jellyfish on it, along with other pretty deadly sea creatures, and is called 'Killer Cuties'~ Wilhelm gets to have some matchies with his platonic girlfriend as a treat, also (Fun Fact: he absolutely wears those novelty glasses to Serious Events). Skye's outfit upsets me personally but it's not as bad as fucking Finnegan's so they get a pass. Pink is, of course, The Best One, and let it be known that the little leaf pin is a reference to Bay~

(Full-size here, in case tumblr fucks it up)

Doncaster folks! Such a long image...I blame Vance. Because I always blame things on Vance for some reason. It's just fun, okay? And also I'm bitter about how long it took to draw his damn Bobblehead mech. Him and Aurora both took what felt like a million years to finish, so now Vance has given me additional Drawing Wires trauma, and Aurora somehow seems Too Expensive for me to afford looking at her. Obviously the best part of all of this was everyone's favorite polycule of Brown, Green, and Red (I dare you to suggest they are not Precious), but I also enjoyed trying to come up with an outfit for Umber that screamed 'I think I'm the main character'. XD (If anyone can guess what's supposed to be on Black's shirt, meanwhile, they get a Gold Star!)

(Full-size here, in case tumblr fucks it up)

And, as a bonus, a goofy scribble comic of the Doncaster AU, which I threw at Crinkle after initially requesting (read: attempting to commission) a What If Scenario where Brown never got brought along with White to the Corpatch, and so never met Pink, thus ensuring Brown remained Terrified of impostors. Because my brain wouldn't stop going hog wild over the concept for some reason. 8|

Finally, a WIP of the Parmenides bastards- uh, I mean, Totally Normal Crew of Fine Individuals who are Not At All Terrible. (Apologies to Danni, Marek, and Ashley for getting mixed up in all this, y'all deserved better.) Bet no one was expecting Johnny to be a certified Gamer Catboi, huh? But I bet everyone was expecting Kyle to look like a Born Republican, and possibly Mitch McConnell's estranged half-brother - cuz that's just how the guy is. So Delightful. Also I was totally not salty about having to look at Purple's stupid smug face again while modifying the copypasta of it, No Sir, why would that ever be the case? He's just so great and not the most hateable character ever or anything. (eyerolling intensifies) In other news, Kage's head is way too small and it's driving me crazy but I'll have to fix it later for the finished full-body chibi+bust piece and I'm D Y I N G. Anyway, no icon spoilers for this one - the fic itself is meant to make the readers wonder who the impostors are, so I'm not going to reveal anything on that front.

(Full-size here, in case tumblr fucks it up)

THAT IS ALL

[buck-yyyy]

Mike’s Pocket - AKA, Theo losing his goddamn mind over FUCKING fabric

Okay, so I’ve talked about this before, you’ve definitely read about this before, everyone knows about Pocketgate by now—so, instead of reiterating old points, I’m gonna summarize my opinions (and therefore what I’m drawing from for this whole thing) the stuff that we’ve all been over and then I can talk about fun stuff >:D

1. Finn Wolfhard said that the pocket was sideways!

Okay, yes he did say that, but I also need everyone to look at the pocket closely for a second.

See that thick shadow and creasing at the top? The pocket opens from the top, meaning that it can’t open from the side (underneath the triangle) because it needs to be attached by at least three sides—otherwise, it would be hanging off. There is no way for the pocket to open from the side, because it wouldn’t be structurally sound—additionally, we would see the fabric creasing to accommodate that opening, whether or not there’s a cover over it. That triangle opens (we can see that the metal circle is the same kind of snap closure that’s at his neckline), but it’s purely decorative.

2. The triangle points to Will all the time!

HELL YEAH! GONNA GET INTO THAT!

3. There’s a letter in the pocket! Hm. See, this is where I’m torn, because I love the idea, but also, I don’t think it… makes sense? Even folded up notebook paper (because it would have to be folded to fit) would be noticeably bulging (hate that word for…chronically online reasons) against the fabric and noticeably pushing it out. This anon I got a while back makes a good point, but I’m not a huge fan. I just feel that we would see the letter in the pocket, because even if (like the anon said) they’re planning on him having a letter, he wouldn’t have had it in that pocket because changes of clothes do exist, and after several sweat, dirt, blood and grime filled days in the same clothes, no matter how much of a teenager Mike is, he would one HUNDRED percent change out of that thing as soon as he had the chance. No point in keeping it around.

4. Triangle imagery = queercoding!

FUCK yes. The woman in charge of costume design literally said that she purposely incorporated triangle patterns and organization into Robin’s clothing, there’s absolutely zero reason to believe that she wouldn’t do that for other characters that are intended to be queer.

FUN PART NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just finished my fourth or fifth rewatch of season 4 today, and I noticed something kinda neat—it almost seems like there’s… two jackets?

I’ve talked before about my theory that they used interfacing in the pocket (because we know that it’s handmade) to draw our attention to it, and I stand by that based on the way that it moves—in certain scenes.

A fabric that’s reinforced with interfacing will bend, but it will NOT bend the normal way fabric does. It doesn’t quite follow the shape of your body—I mean, it will follow the curve roughly, but it’ll kinda make its own shape. I wish I had an example, but I don’t own any clothes with interfacing, aaand my mom already looked at me like I was insane when I ran in to bend the collar of my dad’s shirt to hopefully get an example, so. You’re just gonna have to take my word for it. 

For example- interfacing in the collar of his shirt to keep it stiff!

NOW, FOR A REFERENCE!

Alright. Here’s a shirt made out of what I’d wager is a pretty similar fabric, although I think it’s slightly more flexible than what Mike is wearing. (If I see any of y’all insulting my fashion taste I Will End You)

When the fabric around it is scrunched, it keeps its shape, yes—but the fabric of the pocket creases slightly in places where it already had wrinkles. And what about when it’s actually on?

I hope you all know I bound my chest (at almost 11pm) so I could make this as accurate as possible without it getting in the way. 

Anyways, see how when my arm is close to it, it bends? Mike’s only does this, like, half the time.

This is a terribly blurry image, but you can see that the pocket is facing Argyle, and is bending perfectly naturally with his arm pressed up against the side of the shirt. It matches the shape of his pose, and it doesn’t look like there’s anything in there. Regular pocket! No interfacing!

Points to Jonathan, and it’s a little stiff, sure, but it's creasing pretty normal. Likely just a stiff jacket.

This one is,,, tricky. It looks pretty stiff, I’d agree. 

But look closely! The black lines are where it creases and wrinkles with the shape of the rest of the fabric, and the white traces how the shape of the pocket follows the shape of the edge of his shirt.

And oh, my favorite ever example (and the reason I’m looking into this to begin with) <3 that pocket is moving NORMALLY and it’s facing EL!!!!! RIGHT AS HE’S SUPPOSEDLY ABOUT TO SAY ILY!!!!!!!!

But let’s look at some examples where it IS facing Will. 

NOW THAT’S AN INTERFACED BEND! JUST A LITTLE BIT TOO PERFECTLY CURVED! Notice the difference between how it’s bending in this versus when he’s with El in the last example! (of course, the difference in pose should also be accounted for, but still. That is HEAVILY drastic.)

FUCKKKKKKK YEAH BAYBEE

STIFF! ASS! POCKET! I mean, it’s nearly straight (heh), whereas Will’s is way more curved. They’re both slouching and facing the same direction. 

(Tracing isn’t perfect but my point still stands.) 

Anyways, I fully believe that there’s two copies of this jacket—one for scenes with Will on Mike’s left, in order to draw attention to the triangle/arrow; and one for scenes without him. Thoughts?

[yastaghr]

underfell papyrus! (~Freshie)

Hi @freshiegayboi

I’m guessing this is in reference to this post:

(If it’s not, then send another ask to let me know! I’m lonely and want to ramble. (no, i’m not procrastinating, what are you talking about?)

Kay then! Underfell Papyrus, at least the way I write him, comes with this list:

• I love how good of a leader he is. It’s not just that he’s commanding and powerful, it’s more that he knows how to do it well. I’ve worked with awful leaders before, and they are easy to spot; good leaders are not.

They know what needs to be done on a large scale and are willing to let others handle the tasks they give them without being overbearing , but also can see when and where those people need help. They use their knowledge of people’s strengths and weaknesses to get them in the right place to do the best work they can. They take care of the people they work with, too, whether that’s by getting them tools, help, or even turning off a specific light fixture. Finally, they don’t put themselves above others unless they have to.

• My least favorite thing about him is his self-image. In my writing, Edge tends to vascilate between a state in which he needs to reaffirm how excellent, terrible, wonderful, etc. he is and a state where he hates himself for that very thing, his looks, his past decisions, etc. It's a really hard thing to write because I can never tell which way he'd act, and I know that being around that kind of person is hard and can be very annoying.

• "Watching Dust and Red speak with the doctor was quite honestly hilarious. They were being earnest and attentive- at least Red was. Dust was panicking, which, given the fuzzy explanation Red had given Edge about the medical torture his own father had put him through, Dust was allowed to be. They were both taking notes (Dust’s hand was shaking). They were clearly trying to pay attention and learn. The effort was awe-inspiring. That didn’t mean it would actually work." -Edge's thoughts in Chp. 8 of That Dusty Cat I Can't Get Out of my Attic <https://archiveofourown.org/works/32467312/chapters/97955784#main>

• For Edge, honestly, I have 2 different BrOTPs (although they can easily be a BrOT3). I really like his relationship with Felldyne, and I also really want to write and/or play with him and Tale Undyne. There's just something about that siblings-in-arms thing, combined with a ridiculousness factor. Also, in his relationship with Tale Undyne I really want to explore how she'd feel, seeing this alternative of her bestie who did join the guard and excelled, but, at the same time, seeing the cost that position made him pay. I think there would absolutely be a fight between the two Undynes over that. Edge would not be a fan of that. Tale Papyrus would probably cheer them on.

• Picking an OTP for Edge is hard for me (I got "infected" with multishipping early and have been loving it ever since). If I had to narrow it down, though, I think I'd go with Fellcest. No matter what flavor it is (soulmates, partners in crime, stress-relief, abusive, what have you), I think they're very much a great dynamic. Both of them have a high snark factor that can add up to more than either one alone. Both have LV and will fight if they have to. Both have a responsibility that's outside their relationship that conflicts with it (to a certain degree, at least). But, at the same time, they've got very different motivations and interests. I just like to see them together? I guess?

• It's weird, but I think the closest thing I have to a nOTP with Edge is US Papyrus. There's definitely dynamics where it would work, or situations, but it's just... not for me. IDK, I'm just a little uncomfortable with it. I think it's the way they treat their brothers, honestly. Even if we aren't talking about my Stretch (that bastard is just... self-explanatory), US Papyrus is usually kind of lazy and tries to avoid responsibility, but, at the same time, is both overprotective of his brother and takes advantage of him (to various degrees). I don't think it would be a good thing for Edge to be with that, and Edge is a strong enough character that he wouldn't put up with it or stay. My Edge, at least, really isn't a fan of manipulative people or people who treat others as less than they are.

• Random Headcannon, huh? Okay. I don't think Edge would be a fan of most sports. He'd definitely not like watching them, and if he had to he'd be ranting the whole time about how wasteful it is to hone your skills to one purpose so much that it ends up destroying your own mind and body.

• My unpopular opinion (other than the whole thing about spicyhoney) is that Edge does not like spice. He just hates it, it makes him nauseous just thinking about it. It hurts his mouth and ruins the subtle flavors of most cooking. This may or may not have been the unintended side effect of one of Red's pranks. In retrospect, dumping the whole jar of cayenne pepper into the sauce for those wings was a really mean thing to do.

• This isn't something I normally do with characters, actually. I have songs for different moods of theirs, different scenes in different stories, even different outfits, but not for the character themself. I had to go through my playlists a bit, but I think I'd go with World Gone Mad by Bastille (which I didn't learn the origin of until just now. I was just listening to songs by that band when I first discovered it. This is how I find music.). You can look it up if you want, I am not going to link to anything because reasons.

• I've just tried to find the source of this one, since I've had it saved for a very long time, but I can't find it; I have a feeling it may be from someone or somewhere that was lost in the Tumblr Purge. If anyone can find who made it, please let me know so I can credit them!

I think that's everything! This ask event is still going, so if anyone wants to ask me about another character, please do!

[huge-enthusiast]

Miraculous fic recomendations!!

This is just an excuse to show all my bookmarks? Yes. Yes, it is. I'm pretty sure most of this fics are really popular, but try see if you find something you didn't knew about!

All of the fics will be rated Teen and up audiences or lower. Also if I don't put the author's tumblr is because they didn't put it in the fic or/and I couldn't find it.

Pairing: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug

knowing you by emsylcatac (they are not really the author of the fic but that's the account that says in the fic, the actual author doesn't have an account).

After dropping their transformations months ago, Marinette and Adrien see each other for the first time after being apart. They've both left too much unsaid and have to work to pick up the pieces of their confused hearts.

Chapters: 1/1

Post-reveal but mostly ladynoir, light angst with happy ending.

the last day on earth by Reiaji

The first time Marinette sees Chat Blanc, she's fourteen years old. The second time, fifteen—the third time, seventeen.

The closer she grows to Adrien, the harder it is to save him.

Chapters: 1/1

Post-reveal lovesquare, kinda heavy angst, hopeful ending.

tell me something i don't know by carpisuns (@carpisuns here on tumblr)

Do you think it still means something? To love someone, even if the universe said you had to?

The odds of having a soulmate are about negative one billion (or something like that). But somehow, like they always have, Marinette and Chat Noir find themselves together. They’re ready to finally tell each other everything, but it turns out that even soulmates have to keep secrets, and while their bond draws them together, duty forces them apart.

Chapters: currently 17/28 (WIPs can be exhausting but this one is 100% worth the wait!)

Mostly marichat but almost all of the lovesquare sides make an appearance, soulmates au, mostly fluff but it can get angsty if it wants to.

One Thing After Another by SKayLanphear

Marinette notices that, sometimes, Adrien acts a little out of the ordinary--like the time he stood in a cardboard box for no reason, or when he actually hissed at Nino. It's only when she starts to notice the similarities between Adrien and a certain feline that she begins to get suspicious.

Basically, Adrien acts like a cat when he probably shouldn't.

Chapters: 15/15

Mostly adrienette with one sided reveal by Marinette's side, miraculous side effects (by both sides wich is really cool!), it's fluff with a lil tiny angst for drama.

This would take some getting used to by Codango (@codango here on tumblr!)

Adrien peeked out from behind the chimney even as the magic of his own Chat Noir mask fell away.

She was still visible, her dark hair bobbing under the street lamps a couple blocks away.

“Marinette.”

Adrien blew out a confused breath. His fiery Ladybug… was the quiet little mouse who sat behind him in class?

“What. The.”

This… would take some getting used to.

Chapters: 8/8

Adrienette with one sided reveal by Adrien's part, awkward flirting, just fluff, nothing to worry about.

comfort food also by Reiaji!

In Marinette's house, cooking is a language of love, and Marinette loves Adrien more than most.

Chapters: 1/1

Adrienette with a little of ladynoir, super super fluff, a lot of insight into Marinette's chinese heritage.

The right side of his face by walkingonthestars (@hamsternamedmarinette here on tumblr!)

Marinette and Adrien are able to remain in their new seats in the back of the room at the end of Chameleon.

Chapters: 1/1

Adrienette, fluff with light angst.

it's a long way forward so trust in me by aloneintherain (@captainkirkk here on tumblr!)

“You’re not the only strong one around here, Chat,” Marinette said. She looked a little winded, but she wasn’t struggling to hold him up.

This close up, he could see the freckles on the bridge of her nose. He could see how that smug smile lit up her eyes. He could feel the strain of her arms—and wow, okay, he really wasn’t the only person around here with muscles.

Six times Marinette carried Adrien (plus one time he carried her).

Chapters: 1/1

All the sides of the lovesquare! Fluff with LOTS of mutual pining.

a fight that you were born to lose also by aloneintherain

When the prosecution starts throwing around the word victim in reference to Adrien, he has to stuff his hands under his thighs to keep himself from bolting out of the courtroom.

Adrien had felt unsafe during those last few weeks, but, until he had woken up and seen Father silhouetted in his bedroom doorway, that had only been paranoia. Father was controlling and cold, but he wasn’t hateful. Adrien was isolated. He was often hungry. And some weeks ago, when he had snuck out to visit Nino, sitting thigh-to-thigh on his bed while Adrien cried in that silent, crumbling way of his, he hadn’t argued when Nino put a hand on his shoulder and said, tentatively, That’s abuse.

But Adrien remembers being small and Father touching his hair after he’d aced another test; Father holding his scribbled drawings like they were something precious, and framing them around his office; Father, dressed as Hawkmoth, his eyes wild behind the mask, lashing his sword against Adrien’s baton; Father, collapsed against Mum, crying into her ashy hair.

Adrien finds out Gabriel is Hawkmoth, and Gabriel gets to bring his long-waited plan into action.

Chapters: 1/1

This one doesn't really focus in the ship that much as is an Adrien character study and an exploration of his relationship with his father, but they're still there so I put them here. Really heavy angst (this is one of this fics that haunt me in the middle of the night) with a happy ending. ❗TW: parental abuse, eating disorders❗

Supercut by LNC

Marinette loves her friends and Adrien can't deal.

Chapters: 1/1

Post-reveal lovesquare, again light angst, an exploration of Adrien's insecurities, Marinette Dupain-Cheng deserves the world, happy ending.

Madame Snare by jettiebettie

“Sounds like a lot of work for nothing. She should take this as a sign to have a relaxing weekend with no responsibilities.”

“It's a lot of work she put her whole heart into. It wouldn't be right for it to go to waste,” Adrien whispers to him. The look on Marinette's face is enough to cause Adrien's own heart to ache. If anyone deserves the satisfaction and pride from a job well done, it's her.

“Too bad there isn't anyone else who can walk in those death traps,” Plagg says. Adrien hums in thought, tapping his chin.

“I could.”

Chapters: 1/1

Marichat, episode-based, Chat Noir in a dress!!!, light angst but it's mostly just idiots being idiots and a lot of fun.

in the same sun by peachcitt (@peachcitt here on tumblr!)

"It’s hard to believe that I saw you last at the peak of summer, when the sun was close and warm - and so were you. It should go without saying that I miss you. I miss you something terrible."

//

"It’s been seven months to the day since I’ve seen you. I wish you were here more than anything else."

Two letters, signed with initials instead of names, found in Paris, France.

Chapters: 1/1

Ladynoir, just angst, that's it, written like letters. No ending, just pain.

an uncurtain discovery by Missnoodles (@ladyofthenoodle here on tumblr!)

When he returns from school on Wednesday afternoon, Adrien discovers the darkness in his own home. He struggles to come to terms with it. To his utter mortification and delight, Ladybug is nearby to rescue him.

(He does not discover that his father is supervillain. That will happen on a different Wednesday.)

Chapters: 1/1

Ladrien, it says it's crack, and don't get me wrong, is super funny, but I also found it sad as fuck?

An Open Secret by Kasienda

Adrien whirled around toward Marinette. She smiled at him.

He couldn’t smile back. He stared at her like the dumb blond model that he was often accused of being.

Something shifted in her expression. And her warm open Marinette smile transformed into Ladybug’s grin. He was looking at Ladybug right now.

He knew Ladybug’s name!

Her name was Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

And he couldn’t say anything! Not to Marinette! Not even to Plagg, who had confided two weeks prior that Master Fu was growing increasingly paranoid since the location of his home and hideout had been compromised. Their master had apparently decided that Chat Noir and Ladybug would have to give up their miraculouses if they ever discovered each other’s identities.

It wasn’t fair!

...

A fic where they both know, but can't openly talk about it.

Chapters: 4/4

Post-reveal... but is it? Mostly adrienette and ladynoir, fluff with light angst and them being absolute idiots at hiding their secret identity.

golden (like daylight) by okayanna (@anna-scribbles here on tumblr!)

Friendship, Adrien decided, shaking off the mental image of Marinette’s hurricane eyes and hesitant mouth, parted in a small, careful “o.” He had a very strong friendship with Marinette. That was all.

or

Adrien thinks a lot about words, love, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

Chapters: 1 + epilogue

Adrienette but has lots of ladynoir, another Adrien character study because I hate myself, it tries to not be angst but the writing will punch you in the guts and make you cry, it's so good.

Strangers in the Bright Lights by poodles (@ladybeug here on tumblr!)

Adrien is about two drinks in when he sees a girl at the end of the bar wearing black cat ears. It's kind of weird, so he watches her, and although it's crowded he can see her face when she turns around. She’s wearing a Chat Noir mask. He takes a quick look around- nobody else is wearing a mask. Just her.

Adrien finishes his gin martini and heads over to her. He could use some company tonight anyways, he hasn’t told anyone he’s back in Paris and Nathalie won’t arrive in town for another month. And it’s been a rough day, okay? A rough move! He’s not sure he wants to be back yet, and he spent most of the day in the Agreste mansion sorting through some photographs of his father he found in the study. Maybe he wants a drink and some stranger to tell him he’s pretty! That’s not a crime, is it?

Chapters: 1/1

Adrienette but it's also ladrien??? I think??? It's super super angsty but they're both drunk the entirety of the fic so it's also really funny.

Pick-Up and Chase by also SKayLanphear

After she accidentally trips into Adrien and apologizes about "falling for him," Marinette learns that he's no match for cheesy pick-up lines--whether they were unintended or not. And while she finds it flattering that he turns into a flustered mess with only a few words, Marinette comes to regret making him uncomfortable. That is, until she learns he's Chat Noir. At which point the phrase "just deserts" becomes a permanent fixture in her everyday plans.

A story in which Adrien is flustered, Marinette is smooth as glass at dropping lines, and Chat Noir gets the romance he was always asking for--even if he doesn't quite know how to handle it.

Chapters: 10/10

Adrienette with one sided reveal by Marinette's side, it doesn't say it in the tags but I'm pretty sure the characters are much older than they actually are in the show, so much fluff and so much flirting.

Pairing: Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe

Nino Has Done Nothing To Deserve This by GuardianKarenTerrier (@guardiankarenterrier here in tumblr)

It's nothing, really- just an innocent comment, a joke. But when they hear it, Nino and Alya come to a realisation.

There were, in retrospect, dozens upon dozens of hints. Now that they're suddenly aware of all their friend's flimsy excuses and rushed explanations, they're not only sure how they've missed it, they're not sure how anyone else has either. They realise that it had to be magic protecting their friends- and that same magic has ceased to work on the two of them.

Well, this means they'll just have to start watching over their friends themselves.

Chapters: 7/7

This is more a found family fic than anything else, Alya and Nino are the mom friend, has light angst but it's mostly identity shenanigans in the most bizarre way. ❗TW: eating disorders❗

christmas lights by demistories

Nino checks up and down the street, checking to make sure there’s no raging akuma headed his way before he crosses quickly and ducks inside the small café. He closes the door quickly before the icy air can blow inside and tugs his beanie down over his ears. He spots Alya sitting alone in the corner.

Chapters: 1/1

Just fluff!! Really short but really sweet.

hold on, i still want you also by Missnoodles!

Written for the @thedjwifizine ! Wich I also recommend if you wanna binge a lot of djwifi fics while also looking at amazing art!!!

Five times Alya ran into her ex, and the one time he stopped being her ex.

Chapters: 1/1

Light angst with a happy ending! I don't really like the ex-lovers to lovers trope but this one is the only exception.

I will continue to expand the list in the future! But by now I hope I was helpful in the search of new fics!

[pensat-i-fet]

The Journalist’s Footballer- Chapters Thirteen and Fourteen (Rúben Dias)

Word count: 2013

Chapter 13:

Rúben

Christina and I use our walk to talk about our childhoods. Growing up in Portugal and London is very different and I’m fascinated by some of her stories. 

“I still didn’t know how to swim when we moved to Brighton because I went to one class and a boy pushed me in the pool and scared me. But if you think that stopped me from getting in the sea after an argument with my sister, you’ll be mistaken”, she says laughing.

“But if you didn’t know how to swim, you could have drowned?”, I say, somehow worried about her even though she’s standing next to me

“Oh, it was terrible. I was a tiny little thing too, so the first wave I saw covered me completely. But my dad was by my side immediately and took me out of the water. The next time we went to the beach he made it his mission to teach me how to swim and then they couldn’t get me out of the water”.

“That’s quite the story”, I say, laughing at the image of mini Christina causing so much chaos.

“Well, I’m a fascinating woman. What can I say?”

Yes, you are.

After I get her the coffee I had promised, we find a bench to sit on and carry on talking. Until her phone rings.

“It’s Matty”, she says, and I can see the hope in her face.

“Answer it, I’ll wait here”.

“Hey”, I hear her say when she is leaving. She’s not too far, but far enough to make it hard for me to hear.

I want her to fix this. Not just because I don’t really see Matty as competition, but because I can see how much she’s hurting because of him. 

“I…I can’t”, I hear her say. “I’m in Manchester right now”.

I brace myself for the reaction to those words.

She turns to look at me and says “yes, I am with him”.

I can see in her eyes that she’s also getting ready for his reaction.

Christina

“Hey, how are you?”, I ask Matty, relieved to see he’s the one willing to talk.

“I’m ok. I was just thinking about you and how I’ve been an absolute dick”.

“Yeah, well. I won’t deny that”, I say with a sad laugh. “Matty, I get your reaction but you have also been incredibly unfair to me”.

“I know. And I want to fix it”.

“I want to fix it too. I hate being mad at you”.

He takes a second to talk again.

“How about we meet today? We can have some lunch, maybe go to a movie. And just pretend nothing happened”.

It’s not the first time he does this. When it’s him messing up, we forget and move on. When it’s me messing up, there are comments about it until the end of time. I ignore it, though. My will to make things right is stronger but…well, he didn’t want any lies. So here we go.

“I…I can't. I’m in Manchester”.

“In Manchester. Are you…with Rúben?”

I turn to look at Ruben, who is still sitting on the bench, looking at me. “Yes, I am with him”.

I turn away again and walk a little bit further. “But it’s not what you are imagining”.

“Let me guess”, he says with a bitter tone. “He invited you to his match”.

“Yes, he did. He’s going to be gone with the team most of the time I’m here, and I’ll go see his match tomorrow”.

I only hear his laugh, but it’s not the Matty laugh I love, it’s full of sarcasm. “Matty…”

“Did the invitation to his match also come with an invitation to his bed?”

“What the fuck, Matty? Are you serious?”, I say, not being able to believe what he is saying.

“Well, you’ll have to pay for that ticket, right?”

I can’t believe this is my Matty. The one that hugged me and stroked my hair when I cried because I thought I wasn’t going to be able to pay next week’s rent on time. The one who offered to help me find the professor I couldn’t contact to get a good reference for a job. That Matty is not this Matty.

“You don’t mean that”, I say, giving him the chance to take it all back.

“I do”.

“So…that’s what you are doing? The moment you think you have lost me for another guy, who I’m not even involved with no matter what you say, you turn on me? I guess Sarah was right”.

“I don’t believe anything you say anymore, Christina”, he says, not even listening to what I’m saying.

“Was it all a lie, then? All the months pretending to be my friend and pretending that you gave a shit about me?”

When he doesn’t answer I raise my voice, I don’t care who hears it. “Tell me, Matthew! Was it all a fucking lie?”

“Maybe I was just trying to get in your pants like Rúben is”, he says and hangs up.

I’m stuck in place. I can’t even move from how much his words have hurt me. I don’t care if he just said those things because he was hurt. I don’t care if he meant them or not. Now there really is no turning back. 

“Christina?”

Rúben’s voice gets me out of my state and I turn to look at him. 

“Come here”, he says, opening his arms so I can hug him. I close my eyes, refusing to let the tears fall for someone who hurt me like this. But I don’t know how long I’ll be able to manage it.

Chapter 14:

Rúben

I see Christina stop moving and I assume hanging up the phone because she lets the arm holding the phone fall to her side. But she doesn’t move from there. She’s completely still.

I give her a couple of minutes to recover from whatever it is Matty told her until I can’t wait any longer.

“Christina”, I say when I reach her. And when she turns to face me, I can see the tears in her eyes, threatening to fall. Whatever was said, it wasn’t good. “Come here”, I say, opening my arms so I can comfort her in some way.

“This might be a very stupid question but are you ok?”

When she lifts her head to look at me, I can see the pain in her eyes. She simply shakes her head.

“Let’s go home”.

I take her hand and lead her back home. We don’t talk during the 15 minutes it takes to walk from the park to my apartment, but I squeeze her hand every couple of minutes to let her know I’m there. 

I hate that I only have two more hours before going to training. She needs me here, not leaving her alone in a place she barely knows. 

When we get home, she excuses herself to go to her room. And I stand outside not knowing what to do. Until I hear the whimpers and I can’t wait any longer. I open the door and sit next to her on the bed to hug her.

“He said the most horrible things to me”, she says in such a low voice I barely hear her.

But I hear her, and it only makes me angrier at that fucking Matty. Who is he to hurt her like this?

“If he did, then he’s not worth having you as a friend”, I say, kissing the top of her head.

When she finally calms down, she gets out of my embrace to wipe the tears from her face.

“I’m sorry. This isn’t what you need before a match. Or ever”, she laughs sadly. “You probably didn’t expect this when you invited me”.

“I had no expectations, Christina. I didn’t invite you to entertain me. I did it because you needed a break from London. And, I mean, it’s clearer now that it was good for you to stay away from that place”.

She looks at me for a long moment, as if she wanted to say something. But she only thanks me.

I get up needing to put some distance between us before I do something stupid.

“I need to leave in an hour. Do you need me to do something for you?”, I ask her.

“Can I go to your training?”, she says, surprising me. I expected anything but that. 

“I…I don’t know. They don’t let the press inside the training ground. But I guess I could ask…”, I say, thinking who I could ask. “Are you sure that’s what you want to do?”

“It’s the first thing that came to my mind”, she laughs. “I don’t know why”.

“Ok, give me a second”, I say going to my room.

“Hello?”

“John. I need your help”.

“With what? Rúben, we are going to see each other at training in an hour, why are you waking me up asking for help”, he says, yawning.

“You were sleeping?”

“Keep your judgment to yourself, will ya?”

“Christina wants to come to our training”, I say before he hangs up.

“Why?”

“It’s a long story”, I said, not wanting to share any personal details with him.

“Will it help you get together with her?”

Is John feeling like a matchmaker all of a sudden?

“Yes. It will”.

“Ok, bring her with you but don’t make any promises. I think I know how to do this”.

Christina

“Maybe this was a bad idea”, I say, realising what I’m asking of him. “I don’t want to get you into trouble”.

“You won’t”, he says. “The worst that can happen is that they say no and you have to take a taxi home”.

I laugh. Why do I get these weird ideas in my head sometimes?

We finally get to the training ground and see John Stones waiting outside of his car.

“Hi, I’m John”, he says, offering his hand.

“Hi, I’m Christina. Nice to meet you”, I say, shaking his hand. “Rúben tells me you might be able to get me to watch the training session”.

“Well, yes. But remember it was him who asked me to find a solution so technically it’s all thanks to him. I’m just a little helper”.

I frown at him while Rúben tells him to shut up.

“Good morning, Tom”, says John to City’s media director Tom. “You know Christina, don’t you?”

“I do. Hi!”

“Hi, Tom. It’s nice seeing you”, I say.

“What are you doing here?”, he asks me.

“Well”, says John. “Christina wants to see our training”.

“John, you know the press isn’t allowed at training”.

“I know, but Christina isn’t the press today. She’s a guest!”, he’s smooth, I’ll give him that.

“She’s always the press as long as she works as a journalist. No exceptions!”, says Tom, making me realize how much of a silly idea this was.

“Well”, starts John again, “you know the channel she works for. They don’t use training information for any of the content they do. Plus, she is willing to leave her phone here with you to prove she won’t be recording anything”.

Am I willing to do that? 

“Will you do that?”, asks Tom.

“Sure”, I say. “As John says, I’m just a guest”, I add, showing my little lanyard.

Tom sighs. “Ok. But don’t make me regret it”.

“I won’t”, I say with a big smile.

I turn to look at Rúben, who didn’t get himself involved in the conversation.

“Thank you”

“I just hope you don’t get too bored of seeing us. You can leave at any time, I won’t be offended”, he says.

“I would be offended by that!”, says John. “I worked hard to get you this immense privilege”.

I laugh at that. “I’ll stay until the end, don’t worry”.

“We better go, John. Or the gaffer won’t be happy”, says Rúben, checking his phone.

“Follow me, Christina”, says Tom.

“Yeah”, I tell him. “Bye guys”, I say giving them a little wave.

[hwascripts]

Masterlist

WC: Unknown

TW: Swearing, mentions of murder, a bit of angst, I think that’s it!

This is heavily unedited because it’s my Levi simp hours and I need Dad!Levi headcanons. Also your kid and Eren’s kid are gender neutral

Levi as a father 

-I honestly don’t picture Levi as someone who planned on having kids but rather someone who ends up having kids by complete accident. Living in the walls during a war is absolute hell and he doesn’t want his kids to suffer the same way he did growing up.

-Whether or not the kid is adopted or his biological kid- it doesn’t matter to him, he couldn’t give less of a shit about the parentage of his kid...if he raises the kid then you better believe it’s his kid.

If your kid is adopted then here’s how I picture you guys becoming their parents

- During one of your expeditions beyond the walls you find (what you think is) an abandoned cabin in the woods. When you point it out Levi just tells you to ignore it and focus on the task Erwin gave you, but you have this weird gut feeling that someone is in there. While Levi is distracted you go off to the cabin and peek inside and to your horror- there is a small child, no older than a few months crying in it’s deceased mothers arms. You run over and pry the crying baby from the mother’s hands and immediately start trying to hush it’s cries

-Levi notices the fact that you’ve left his side after a few minutes of silence and he pinches his nose in frustration- of course you went to check out the cabin he told you to ignore. He flies away from the tree he was perched on and makes his way to the cabin to look for you- upon reaching the cabin his eyes widen from pure shock. Where the hell did you get a crying baby from? he can’t help but be filled with sorrow when he notice’s the child’s dead parents on the ground behind you- bandits had probably murdered them.

-The two of you have a huge argument about what you should do with the orphan child and this results in the two of you not speaking for over a week. But as the week goes on, he realizes that him and that baby are more similar than he thinks. Levi never had a father- the closest father figure in his life being Kenny who abandoned him at a young age, and his dear mother Kuchel who died of sickness when he was just a boy. Both Levi and the child didn’t have parents in their lives, fate cruelly ripping that away from them. He see’s himself in that baby.

-After a week of silence Levi storms into your office only to catch you asleep with the baby on your chest, his heart softens just the slightest bit at the image. He sits next to you and gently shakes you awake- careful to not wake the sleeping baby. Before you can even say anything he quietly states:

-”we’re not abandoning the baby, we can raise them together”

-All the worry and stress you carried melted away after hearing his words.

If your kid was biologically his, this is how I picture it turning out:

-The day Hanji informed you that you were pregnant was quite possibly one of the worst days of your life (sorry to be angsty) how the hell could you have gotten pregnant? the amount of stress, physical strain on your body and sleepless nights is not ideal for fertility- so how the hell did this happen?

-How the hell would you even tell Levi? The topic of children has never once come up and you’re sure he would never want to raise a child in the walls while titans destroy and kill everyone in sight. Besides- the two of you already have enough on your plates as it is.

- You’d tell him straight out that you were pregnant during your nightly tea time before bed, just straight up dropping the news on him. It takes a few seconds for him to fully register what you just told him but once he finally understands he drops his teacup, the boiling hot tea staining his jacket. All he can do is sputter like a fish out of water and aggressively try to clean the stain.

- I’m going to be realistic here- the last thing he would do is jump for joy and kiss you. I hate to be angsty again but realistically he’d probably storm off and go for a walk around the town while he tries to take in the news. I see him unintentionally ignoring you for a few days while he tries to accept the fact that the two of you are bringing a child into this world.

-After about a week he’s finally calmed himself enough to talk to you about the situation and what the best thing for the two of you is. Again, he isn’t happy that you guys are bringing a kid into this- but who the hell would be? but he sure as hell won’t take that out on the kid, he thinks that’s the most pathetic thing you can do as a parent.

-”look, our situation is shitty but I’m not leaving you to raise the brat on your own”

How he is as a father

- I’m not going to lie to you, he is not the type to coddle his kid or show them a lot of affection. To be honest he doesn’t know a single thing about parenting, the only “parent” he had taught him violence and then left Levi to fend for himself- but he does know that most children don’t grow up around violence so he refuses to be even the slightest bit like his uncle Kenny.

- 100% calls his kid brat, ankle-biter, kid...you name it- but he doesn’t mean it in a derogatory way because deep down inside he still has a soft spot for the kid. 

-He rarely ever shows physical affection to the kid because he just doesn’t know how, he never knew the affectionate touch of another human until you came along. That’s not to say that he doesn’t love his kid- he would sacrifice his life without second thought to protect them.

-He doesn’t realize how distant and cold he can be to his kid until he overhears them crying to you about how “daddy doesn’t love me” and his heart just shatters into a million pieces because he DOES love them but for the life of him he just can’t find a way to show it.

-Levi ends up sitting down with the kid and having a conversation that was long overdue (for reference the kid is now 7 years old) and he admits that he loves them more than anything for the first time.

-Your kid just stares at him for a second and blinks because this is the VERY FIRST TIME they’re hearing their dad say I love you- Levi nearly has a heart attack when the kid launches themselves into his chest and starts sobbing.

-For the very first time in 7 years this kid is finally experiencing the love from their father (besides awkward headpats) and the feeling is just so foreign to both of them that even Levi sniffles a little bit

-Levi silently rocks them back and forth while he rubs their back, the child’s sobs turning into soft sniffles. But what Levi says next shocks all three of you.

“I’m sorry for being a terrible father. forgive me little one?”

-You don’t know what shocks you more- the fact he apologized or that he called your child “little one” instead of the usual “brat”. The kid looks at him while wiping their tears away.

“you’re not a bad daddy. I love you papa”

-To this day Levi swears he just had watery eyes because of the dust but you know damn well they were fat tears rolling down his face

-After this incident Levi swears to himself that he’ll be a more affectionate father, a father who tells his kid that he’s proud of them, a father who their kid can rely on.

-He’s tough on his kid and never lets them slack off, he scolds them whenever they make bad choices and sometimes your kid says he’s got a stick up his ass (you lightly scold them but the two of you always end up laughing because it’s true) but your husband deeply cares for your child and does it so they can grow into the best version of themselves.

-Did I mention that he absolutely flips the fuck out when your kid brings home Eren’s kid to introduce you to them? You have to sit on him to make sure that he doesn’t strangle the poor bastard. 

“If that son of a bitch is anything like his father then they’re going home in a bodybag!” “Levi you can’t threaten them just because they’re Eren’s kid!” “Like hell I can’t! nobody is good enough for our child”

-Your kid quickly learns that they can’t bring their significant other home while Levi is there- unless they have a death wish. The two of you team up to keep Levi distracted for a few hours while the couple chills in your living room

-Your kid swears like a sailor (just like their dad) and Levi swears on his life that he’s not the one that taught them that.

“What the hell do you mean? I didn’t do shit! I don’t fucking know where they picked that up from!” *cue you looking into the camera*

-He’s so damn proud when he see’s his kid graduate at the top of their class. He doesn’t scream at the top of his lungs when your kid walks across the stage but he pulls them to the side after and congratulates them with a small smile on his face

“Good job. I’m proud of you, damn brat”

-Gives them one of his rare Levi hugs and the kid nearly drops the diploma in shock because “wtf dad never hugs me”

-You have to pinch his side multiple times during your kid and Eren’s kids wedding because he won’t shut the hell up with snarky remarks

“Say no goddamnit!” *you pinch him* 

“Ow son of a bitch! what the fuck Y/n?”

 “Would you shut the hell up and be happy for our child on their wedding day?!” 

“I would if our child had taste and picked someone el- OW FUCK!” 

“Shut the fuck up already and behave, Levi!”

-He grumbles while the rest of the former cadets and captains laugh at his sour look

Silly headcanons

-God could you imagine Levi and your kid sitting at the dinner table, it’s almost midnight and they’re arguing over a homework question neither of them understand. This is the night both of you hear your kid swear

“What the hell is this shit? Improper fractions are made-up bullshit”

“If you don’t know then how the fuck am I suppose to know?”

-It’s so silent you can hear a pin drop

“Levi come here for a second”

“Shit...finish this while I’m gone, brat”

-Your kid laughs their ass off while you pull Levi’s ear and drag him to your shared room

‘Yeah keep fucking laughing at your dad, brat!”

“LEVI!”

-An absolute nightmare when it comes to cleaning oh my god both you and your kid wanna kill him sometimes

“This shit isn’t clean, you wipe it down six times and then place it at an angle”

“Levi it’s a fucking T.V. Remote”

-The war ended years ago now and he tells your kid about all the titans he killed and the ass he kicked

“And then I sliced that ugly bastard titan’s head clean off!”

“Levi for someone who’s a clean freak your stories sure are gross”

-The noise the toaster makes when it’s done scares the shit out of him. He’ll be in the middle of scolding your kid and then he jumps because the toaster is done and your kid just thinks it’s comedic gold

“I fucking told you not to do that shit but you went and did it anyways, do you know how irresponsi-FUCK! damn toaster- Hey stop laughing brat I’m not done yet!”

That’s all I’ve got for now- stay tuned

[ack3rlady]

Good evening

So here is one of the plots I always imagine you being erwin's little sister and levi is his best friend so he loves you and levi being levi would show through actions like buying the best gifts because he listens and cares also picking you up from places and agrees with erwin that you aren't allowed to have a boyfriend

Is that kinda out of character 🤔

Dinaaaaaaa! Sorry it took me forever to write this! It started off as something and turned into something else and then i had to sit and clean it up. Hope you like it bby!!

Pocket Watch

Summary: You and Levi go from despising each other to being two fools in unrequited love. Hange comes up with a disastrous plan to bring you both together that backfires. Big brother Erwin comes to the rescue :)

Notes: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff with a dash of angst, Hange being Hange.

WC: ~3k

Master List

You and Levi had a turbulent start. From the moment you laid eyes on him, you absolutely loathed the man so much that even his presence made you see red. He was rude, disrespectful and above all, tried to murder your brother. From the looks of it, he disliked you too, given you were Erwin’s sister, and also because you charged towards him with your blade right after, only to be restrained by Erwin himself.

Unfortunately, with the loss of Flagon and his squad, Shadis transferred Levi over to yours after that fateful expedition. And for the first time in your life, you hated your job. The thought of waking up in the morning and seeing his grouchy face, listening to his flat, uninterested voice irked you. You lost the will to get out of bed. Hange had to physically drag your body to the training grounds every day.

To say that you and Levi didn’t get along, would be an understatement. It would take mere seconds of being around each other for a new argument to break out. And because you were his new Squad Leader, you were forced to be around him almost all the time. The day mainly consisted of excessive eye-rolling, taunts, sarcastic retorts which would soon turn into a quarrel and then a massive brawl until Miche or Hange stepped in to pry you off each other's throats.

The new nicknames you coined for each other had traveled throughout the regiment. He referred to you as Shithead, and you called him Shitface.

For him, your interactions had turned into a strange form of entertainment. In no time, he had figured out which button of yours to push to get the reaction he wished to see. Meal time, which used to be the only two hours you could spend without him, was also brutally snatched away from you when Erwin insisted that Levi should sit at your table from now on.

“I have to look at Shitface’s shitty face all day. Did you absolutely have to invite him over to eat with us?”, you asked Erwin with your eyes boring holes into Levi, face contorted as if you just bit into a lemon.

The new commander suppressed a smirk; Hange and Miche were not polite enough to do the same.

“As if I want to be around your shitty head for any longer than I need to.”, he quipped nonchalantly, taking a sip of steaming tea out of his cup.

The back-and-forth, constant bickering and impromptu sparring continued until both you and Levi were promoted to captain’s position, a few months after Erwin became commander. Now that you both had your own squads to manage, you didn’t see him as much anymore.

You refused to admit it to yourself, but you missed him; missed being around him even if it only led to another one of your infamous fights. Your eyes would search for that familiar midnight head everywhere you went; relentlessly darting from one face to another until they landed on a silver pair looking right back at them.

Levi was in a similar dilemma. His life seemed a bit too calm, too quiet. No one glowered at him when he began training in the morning. No one screamed bloody murder in his ears every few hours. He actually missed the sound of your voice, even though he considered it the shrillest cacophony until a few days ago.

He found himself looking for reasons to be near you, scheduling his squad’s training sessions around yours. Awkward glances would be exchanged every few minutes, with both of you clearly realizing the difference in the way you looked at each other ever since your new roles drew you apart. They weren't glares of annoyance anymore. There was an unknown warmth present in your gazes. What was this foreign feeling?

“Miss me, Shitface?”, you asked upon bumping into him for the fifth time since morning.

“You wish, Shithead.”, he responded, lips upturned into a smirk.

Lately, there was a new found playfulness in your interactions. The words you exchanged pretty much remained the same, sans the sharp edge they had before.

.

.

It was late in the evening. It was also the first anniversary of that catastrophic expedition which stole Isabel, Furlan, and your childhood friend Victoria from this world. You snuck a bottle of whiskey from Erwin’s cherished collection of spirits and fled to the roof, a place you generally retreated to when feeling low.

You were greeted by a lone figure who was already sitting in your spot. But today, Levi’s presence didn’t bother you. On the contrary, you felt relieved to see him. When did the sight of him go from being bothersome to soothing? You took a seat by his side, popped open the bottle, drank to all the loved ones you had lost, and shared stories about them.

Well, you did. He only listened.

“If only I got there in time. I could’ve saved her.”, you sighed, thinking about Victoria.

Levi felt a pang in his heart, because that was exactly how he felt about Isabel and Furlan. If only he had never left. If only he made it back before it was too late.

If only.

You were not much different from him. He regretted treating you harshly without ever understanding your story. He felt terrible about how he never bothered to find out you too were silently suffering from the same pain as him, that there was a tragic reason why you even had a vacant spot on your squad for him to fill.

He watched your face glow under the moon light, your lips spread into a gorgeous yet melancholy smile as you fondly remembered the departed. His breath hitched when he felt a delicate weight on his shoulder, body tensing because this was the first time someone was this close to him.

He slowly looked down at your head leaning on his shoulder, teary eyes looking up at the moon. This moment, this image would forever be etched into his memory. Because the reason why he perpetually craved your presence around him suddenly became clear. Because this was the exact moment, he realized that he was in love.

After you were finished talking to your heart’s content, Levi walked you to your room and stayed long enough to make sure that you fell asleep. That night, he fought hard against this new feeling bubbling up in his heart as he watched your angelic face while you slept – A need to be with you, an urge to tell you how he felt, a longing to feel your skin underneath his fingers, to make you the first and the last face he would see every day.

He valiantly fought against the flutter in his heart, conquered it, and locked it away in the remotest corner of his mind.

.

.

You could see the faint light of the rising sun from behind your closed eyelids. You needed to be on the move in a few minutes and start preparing for the day. But instead, you chose to stay in bed, and replay the events from last night that brought a smile to your face – the way Levi’s pale skin shone in the silver luminescence of the moon, the way his softened eyes stayed pinned on yours when you spoke, how the strands of his hair swayed with the cool breeze, how you suppressed the urge to run your fingers through them, how you wanted time to stop just so that you could steal a few more moments with him.

You begrudgingly opened your eyes and removed yourself from the sweet flashback, only to find a delicate pocket watch on your nightstand with a note neatly tucked underneath it. It read -

Time took away my old friends, but also gave me a new one.

- L

.

.

Six months had passed since that day. Six months since you were both confronted by your feelings, and also six months since they remained unrequited. He had accepted that this was how it was meant to be, because, one – The world was a shitty place that could rip you away from him at any moment, two – his relationship with Erwin was far too important to jeopardize. Levi decided it was best to remain silent.

You, on the other hand, wanted to live every day like it was your last; and try to experience as many things in life as you could before death knocked at the door. But you knew of Levi’s outlook on relationships, and decided to respect his beliefs, without forcing your ideas on him.

So, you would both hold on to the little things, like having tea and meals in each other company, training together, watching the moon from that same spot on the roof and mainly, searching for each other among the multitude of soldiers, just to exchange silent smiles of assurance before each expedition as if it would be the last time you would be seeing one another.

This didn’t go unnoticed since another pair of eyes, four eyes were hanging on to every single one of these acts.

Hange was an intelligent person, not letting one thing escape their sight. When they were not immersed in analyzing titans, they were studying humans, and their vision was made even stronger by the thick pair of glasses adorning their face.

That is why they did not miss the subtle glances or a single smile exchanged between you and Levi, or even how the man who hated people with a burning passion would willingly enter crowded markets just to find you the perfect present.

It first struck them when he bought a stunning painting of the sun setting beyond the mountains. But instead of finding it hung on the wall of his office, they found it sitting on your desk the next morning. Then it was an intricate tea set that he purchased, which was now located on your table. And finally, the multiple books he painstakingly selected from a quaint shop in the bylanes of Trost that were all lined up on the bookshelf in your quarters. 

And they were not the only one noticing these patterns.

The silent but dazzling sparks flying between his sister and his right-hand-man caught Erwin’s eye too. His prominent brow would rise in curiosity when Levi would expressly insist on positioning you in the safer zone of the formation during expeditions. He saw how the captain would turn to you for your opinion on important matters, and you’d respond with a quiet nod. He also observed how Levi was not rude to you anymore, a complete paradox of his behavior from just six months ago, when you used to be the bane of his existence.

His suspicions were confirmed when he casually asked Hange about it. They squealed in excitement when Erwin’s account matched theirs. Miche agreed too, adding his own two cents to the story.

Erwin’s mind was racing, the usual calm in his blue eyes looking stormy. His brotherly instincts were tingling. He had never approved of any man you introduced him to in the past, always finding some or the other reason why they were not good enough for you.

But, upon giving it further thought, he couldn’t fault Levi. He knew that if there was anyone who could protect you better than Erwin himself, it was him.

The only area of concern was his quirky behavior. But he personally witnessed how you could hold your own before the man on numerous occasions. He had noticed how you had begun to smile more often when he was around, and how you remained calm and made better decisions in the face of danger outside the walls ever since you became close with Levi.

Your happiness and safety were all that mattered to your brother.

So, he gave Hange his blessings to carry out their ‘diabolical plan’ to bring you and him together. Together, they recruited Miche as the perfect decoy. According to Hange, the plan was simple. Miche would sweet-talk with you, in turn making Levi jealous. The jealousy would eventually make him flee the comfort of his shell and confess his feelings to you. Simple, right? Unfortunately, it wasn't.

.

.

“Hey gorgeous! You look wonderful today.”, Miche appeared out of thin air while you and Levi were sipping on tea and reading the newspaper on a bench under a tree in silence.

Levi’s eyes slightly widened upon seeing the tall man’s hand snake around your shoulder.

“Thanks, Miche.”, you replied politely, albeit a little confused, but not swatting him away.

Miche had been your friend ever since you were a fresh-faced cadet. And he was known for getting close to people to get a good sniff. So, his proximity wasn't a surprise, although the sudden compliments were. But you didn’t dwell over them, assuming that the beautiful morning had him in a pleasant mood.

Levi knew that you were strong enough to tackle Miche to the ground if his touch was unwelcome. The fact that you didn’t refute his advance, meant that you didn’t mind.

Maybe he wasn’t as special to you as he thought. Maybe the unspoken bond between you and him was all in his head. His thoughts immediately began to spiral, and he abruptly stood up and left without a word, leaving a baffled you, and a triumphantly grinning Miche behind.

What Hange, Erwin and Miche thought was the successful execution of their plan, was playing out to be the exact opposite, much to their ignorance.

This happened a few more times over the next week – during training, lunch, meetings – wherever you went, Miche followed. Levi felt his heart skip a beat every time he saw you smile in the other man’s presence. His jaw clenched whenever Miche cooed in your ears, his face just inches away from yours.

Levi was obviously jealous. But instead of stepping in and owning up to his feelings, he began to distance himself from you, only seeing you during work meetings and barely acknowledging your presence even then. He would turn in his tracks every time you were about to cross paths. The serene tea breaks in his company came to an abrupt halt when you would find his office locked and empty when you visited at your designated time.

You were beginning to feel hurt by this newly cold Levi, the equivalent of how he used to be before that night on the roof. Maybe him reciprocating your feelings was all in your head. You felt lonely after suddenly having lost your best friend and support system without even knowing why.

Erwin began to notice changes in your demeanor once more. The beaming and chirpy little sister that he was used to, was showing signs of suffering. But you would never admit to it when he asked; saying that you didn’t want to add to his already full plate.

He found you one night, sitting by the window of your dark quarters in tears. He slapped his palm over his forehead upon finding out that the sole reason behind your heartache was the debacle of a plan that the three had come up with. He came clean and encouraged you to go talk to Levi, revealing that the whole plan was only intended to bring you both closer.

You ran through the hallways, first to his quarters, just to find the doors locked again. Then you headed to the mess hall, hoping to catch him sipping on his late-night tea. But the vast room was deserted except for the scouts scrubbing it clean. So, you nervously headed to the place you were sure to see him. And that’s exactly where you found him.

There he was, perched at the exact spot on the rooftop, the same place where you had spent numerous nights together over the last whole year.

Levi perked up upon hearing your approaching footsteps. He didn’t even need to turn around to know it was you.

“You don’t talk to me anymore.”, you said, taking a seat at your old spot beside him.

“Well, you found someone else to talk to.”

“So, you just decided to leave?”

“I figured you had Miche and didn’t need me anymore.”

You turned to him in disbelief. The unchanged expression on his face was a sign that he did indeed believe what he just said.

“Do you just think you're that easily replaceable in my life? That someone can just walk in and take your position?”, you asked

“You did just let him do it, didn’t you?”

“Ugh!”, you harshly pushed his shoulders with both your hands. “I did not! Stop saying that you Shitface!”

“Tch! What's your problem, Shithead?”, he scolded, tightly clenching the collar of your jacket in his fist.

“My problem is that I’m in love with you and you’re too stupid to see it.”

His eyes and lips shaped into three round Os. “Huh?”, he huffed breathlessly.

“I love you. Since that evening that we spent right here one year ago, and I’ve been in love with you ever since . Miche was acting on some stupid directions that Hange gave him. There’s nothing between him and I, Levi. It’s you. It’s always been you.”, you said, quoting Erwin’s words and revealing Hange’s plan to him.

With that same fist around your jacket, Levi pulled you close; crashing your body into his, gently pressing his lips upon yours. Your heart began to pound upon his touch that you had been yearning for since over a year. His lips were warm, and soft, and he gingerly nibbled on yours, making you smile into the kiss. You felt his cool fingers raking through your hair accompanied by gentle hums of bliss. He finally broke away, allowing you both to catch your breath, resting his forehead on yours.

“I love you, Shithead.”, he whispered. “But, I’m going to kill those two giants and four eyes tomorrow.”

[un-beel-ievable]

Obey Me! Headcanons - The Demon Brothers react to a MC who owns a golden retriever 🐕

Author’s note: I'm home :3 Feel free to reblog, but please do not repost!! If you enjoy my writing, do leave me a like and/or a comment (and follow me to see similar content in the future :D)!

_____

Lucifer ☕

• When your dog first bounds over to greet Lucifer, it’s difficult to tell if the eldest born is a fan of your four-legged pal or not. The Avatar of Pride scrutinizes the ball of fluff as if he were a judge on a dog show —all the while as your dog vibrates impatiently by the front door with a tennis ball in its mouth. Perhaps it senses the need to be on its best behaviour if it’s to impress Lucifer.

• “A pet is a responsibility, not a novelty. I sincerely hope that you thought long and hard about the obligations of a pet owner before you went ahead with your decision to adopt. That being said, you appear to be doing quite well with your four-legged companion —they’re very well behaved. I have absolutely no qualms with you taking over Cerberus’s care when you return to the House of Lamentation; clearly you’d manage much more elegantly than my brothers. Perhaps Cerberus would enjoy the company of your charming pooch as well…”

• So Lucifer does like your dog. Not an entirely surprising revelation, if you’ve seen how he behaves around Cerberus in private. The strict no-nonsense archdemon turns into the softest dog owner that you’d ever have the pleasure of meeting; he’s all ear scritches and belly rubs. By the end of his visit, your dog is blissfully rolling on the carpet by Lucifer’s feet as the Avatar of Pride informs it over and over again that it is indeed “a good dog”.

• Perhaps you’ll even catch the small —but genuine— smile twitching at the corners of Lucifer’s lips as he does so.

Mammon 💳:

• In hindsight, perhaps giving Mammon a heads up about the presence of your pooch would have been a good idea.

• Despite your numerous attempts to reassure Mammon that the furry ball of enthusiasm barreling towards him is a Good Dog™, the terrified shriek that escapes the Avatar of Greed is shrill and ear-splitting enough to shatter your windows (Metaphorically speaking, of course. Rest assured, no windows were harmed in the writing of this headcanon.). When your dog leaps at him to nudge its head into his hand for scritches™ and headpats™, Mammon’s life flashes before his eyes. The only image that he can bring to mind before he passes out cold on your carpet is Cerberus’s terrifying snarl.

• When Mammon comes to, your dog is sitting on his chest —looking concerned and suitably chastised for accidentally scaring the living daylights out of the demon. (Even though Mammon refuses to come clean about how terrified he was. “The great Mammon? Afraid of a lil’ dog? W-What...What are ya talkin’ about? I wasn’t scared!”) The events that occurred over the last couple of minutes play on a loop in Mammon's mind. It finally dawns on him that your dog isn’t the ferocious beast that his imagination had conjured up, and his cheeks flush scarlet.

• Please give your demon a hug. I think he needs one. Or several.

Leviathan 🎮:

• If Leviathan had a pet ranking system, Henry 1.0 and Henry 2.0 would always claim the highest spots possible —the S-tiered, 5-star gods of the pet world. No golden retriever could ever worm its way to the top and snatch his love for them from under his feet. Sorry. But your dog is pretty cute, he’ll give you that.

• Too cute, maybe. Hey...um...you don’t love your dog more than you love him, right? What? Him, the Avatar of Envy, jealous? No! Of course not! Why would you make such an outrageous assumption? He’s not jealous —an adorable fluff ball of enthusiasm for the outdoors and joy is a way better than an icky otaku, after all. Leviathan doesn’t blame you for choosing your dog over him. Any sane individual would do the same...

• When you finally manage to reassure your demon that your dog is in no way competition for the affection that you hold for him, —he’ll always be your favourite demon, even if you have a dog. Even if you have a hundred dogs. Nothing is going to change that— he begins looking at your pooch in a different light. That’s right —as a potential cosplay partner. There’s this new anime that’s been released recently...Levi was wondering if you had heard of it? It’s titled: My Partner Is The Proud Owner Of A Golden Retriever And I’m An Otaku Who Enjoys The Simple Pleasure Of Collecting Merchandise and Cosplaying. One of the main characters happens to own a golden retriever as well, and if you’re willing to give him your blessing (the irony, I know), perhaps you’d lend him your pooch for an afternoon of cosplay and photography?

Satan 📚:

• Satan is a cultured demon who enjoys the company of four-legged companions, but he’s admittedly a fan of felines...not canines. Still, he prides himself on keeping an open mind towards new experiences, so he agrees to spend an afternoon with you and your dog (Even though he’d much rather be attending the opening day ceremony of the Devildom’s newest cat cafe. The things he does for love.).

• He performs some through research before meeting your dog for the first time; spending afternoon after afternoon in the sanctuary of his room reading about dogs and how to care for them. No number of books could prepare him for the real thing, however. When Satan first comes over to spend the afternoon in your home, he’s stiff and awkward —unsure of what to do with a dog. He ends up spending the first hour on your couch, sipping tea and spouting facts about golden retrievers.

• Show him the rope that your dog enjoys playing tug-of-war with, or the tennis ball that it insists on carrying in its jaws everywhere it goes. It takes a while for Satan to warm up to your pooch, but he’ll gradually learn to love —or at the very least, tolerate— your canine companion, even though he still firmly believes in the superiority of cats. Speaking of which, you’d accompany him on a date to that new cat cafe, right?

Asmodeus 💋:

• Oh! Your golden retriever is absolutely adorable! And gorgeous too —albeit not as beautiful as him, but that’s to be expected. There’s not a single individual in all of the three realms that could match up to his beauty. And your dog has such luscious fur too...dear Diavolo, he’d kill to have a haircare routine that’s as effective on his locks.

• Would you be willing to take a photo of him posing with your pooch? It’s for his Devilgram followers, of course —such beauty must be shared with the world, no? You’re not entirely sure if Asmo’s referring to his beauty, your dog’s beauty, or the shared, collective beauty of him and your dog. It doesn’t particularly matter. The two (three?) of you end up spending the entire afternoon orchestrating an impromptu photoshoot, and then spending the evening editing the photographs from said shoot for Devilgram.

• Generally gets along with your four-legged companion like a house on fire. There’s just one, itsy-bitsy issue.

• Your dog sheds. A ton. No matter how often you brush its fur, or how many boundaries you set about it not being allowed on the furniture, it seems determined to shed every carpet, sofa and bed that you own. Asmo never stops whining about the copious amounts of fur that now decorate every article of clothing he owns, but at least your dog seems happy to be able to leave its mark —on Asmo’s ensembles, of course, but also his heart.

Beelzebub 🍔:

• Corporate has asked you to find the difference between this picture and this picture—

• Asmo gets along well with your dog. Beel gets along with your dog even better. As one of the few only brothers who’s willing to spend any amount of time with Cerberus (granted, most of the time he’s only doing so because he’s been promised free food), Beel has grown into quite the dog lover. Your dog seems thrilled to be in the company of someone who appears to wholeheartedly enjoy its company —your dog is thrilled by the company of anyone who’s willing to give it their time of day, but still— and Beelzebub is thrilled to be in the company of a four-legged companion who appears to wholeheartedly enjoy his company. Beel is happy to spend whole afternoons playing with your dog...interspaced with the occasional snack break, of course.

• Speaking of which, Beel very much struggles with not giving into your golden retriever’s extremely convincing puppy dog eyes. Objectively, he knows that giving your dog human (or demon) food is a terrible idea —the last thing he wants is to be the reason that your dog has to take a trip to the vet. But your dog is so cute! And it’s looking at his food with such an intense longing in its eyes...Beel can relate to that. Surely a little nibble wouldn’t hurt…

• When you find yourself having to tell Beel off, suddenly you find yourself at the receiving end of 2 sets of puppy dog eyes; both Beel and your pupper are very sorry. They swear it’ll never happen again! Please don’t be upset…

• How are you supposed to stay mad at them?

Belphegor 🛏:

• ...listen.

• It’s not that he hates dogs. Honestly! He likes dogs as much as the next demon! But they can be loud and yappy and so incredibly energetic, and your golden retriever is more hyper than most. It always wants to go on walks, or play fetch, or make him throw its favourite tennis ball over and over again but refuse to hand it over so he has to engage in a slobbery game of tug-of-war to steal the ball from it —it’s just too much for the Avatar of Sloth. Just watching your dog zip across the room in a display of its endless amounts of energy is enough to tire Belphie out...is playtime over yet? He just wants to take a nap.

• Makes multiple attempts to talk you into allowing Beel to look after your dog. Just for an afternoon! His twin certainly has the energy to keep your hyperactive pup entertained for the whole day, and since you can be assured that your dog is well taken care of, perhaps the two of you could finally stay inside for once and take a nice, long nap. It’s been too long since he’s gotten to hold you in his arms…

• By the time Beel returns your dog to you, it’s all tuckered out from its day of adventures. As you’re thanking Beel for looking after your dog for the day, you catch him chuckling softly at something over your shoulder —Belphie and your furry friend, dozing off together on the couch. They appear to finally be getting along.

BONUS: I'm still not terribly comfortable with adding the (former) undatables to my writing repertoire, but my partner happens to be very fond of the demon butler...and I happen to be very fond of them. So just this once, just to see how it goes...

Barbatos 🍵:

• Oh? So this is the sweet bundle of fur that he’s heard so much about. It’s a pleasure to meet them at long last. Barbatos has always been fond of dogs, and your dog is quite an endearing creature to say the least...it actually reminds Barbatos of Cerberus when he was a puppy. How time flies.

• Treats your dog as if it were an esteemed guest of the castle. As long as Barbatos is around, you needn’t lift a finger when it comes to the care of your beloved pet. Keeping your dog fed and watered? Barbatos has it covered; the butler seems to have an in built in timer when it comes to feeding your dog —Barbatos serves its meals at exactly 6 in the morning and 6 in the evening. Not a minute early, not a minute late. When taking your dog out on walks, he carries a spare bottle of water for the sole purpose of offering it to your dog if it gets thirsty. Speaking of walks...Barbatos is more than happy to escort your pooch on walks in the event that you’re unavailable to do so yourself. Barbatos generally allows your golden to lead the way on their excursions, and is content with following along behind it to keep it out of trouble for however long it wishes to remain outdoors. If it were to tire itself out, Barbatos takes your dog into his arms and carries it the rest of the way home.

• Your pooch becomes very spoiled very quickly. It’s unclear if you’ve gained a butler...or if your dog has.

[pub-lius]

A Debunking and, in my Humble Opinion, Superior Version of Weird History’s “Hardcore Facts About Alexander Hamilton”

I haven’t updated my blog in quite some time, and that is due to my schedule being primarily dominated by school. So, I decided my first step into posting semi-regularly once more shall be a more casual, more fun endeavor. 

If you have not heard of the Weird History youtube channel, good for you. It is yet another social media platform that misconstrues history to appeal to the public’s enjoyment of extremes and strangeness. I saw The Historical Fashion Queens make a video responding to their highly misinformed documentary on corsetry on Miss Abby Cox’s youtube channel, which I highly recommend. This intrigued me, and I decided to find a video I could dissect off my expertise, at first only for fun in my own time. This resulted in the production in a very long bullet list in the notes app of my phone. So here is my informal destruction of this godforsaken video.

Disclaimer: I am not at all excusing any of the awful things Alexander Hamilton did during his lifetime. I am absolutely the last person who would even come near to claiming that many of the things he did were justifiable in the slightest. Although, he might be the only historical figure which I have a very strong interest in the life of, as he was incredibly complex, and the part of me with a love of psychology finds him absolutely fascinating. There is also something to be said about the way we consider moral standards of historical figures. We are quite lucky to believe in the time that we do, and not all of our standards can apply to historical figures. This does not mean they should not be held accountable. I find that a way to criticize people while also praising them where it is due is by judging them based upon their intentions. In my opinion, Hamilton’s intentions were not to harm anyone in most situations, so I don’t think he was a terrible person, nor do I think he was a particularly good one. Then again, I don’t think either of those things about a mass majority of people, so let us proceed without further delay. (Note: I will also be referring to the collective Weird History channel as the Narrator to avoid any mental gymnastics, and all of my knowledge is coming from my memory of Hamilton’s writing and some biographies.)

Automatically, the video starts with mention of the musical, but that just reminds me that many use Ron Chernow’s biography of Hamilton as a basis of their statements about him without utilizing much critical thinking, so I am slightly nervous. 

The Narrator then refers to Hammy Ham man as “...one of America’s most undervalued founding fathers...” Now, it is debatable whether or not Mr. Hamilton is undervalued per se, but when it comes to the founding fathers, they are usually undervalued or overvalued. At this point, Hamilton is both.

I shall not subscribe, thank you for the offer though, Mr. Narrator.

Now for the first fact: “Historians don’t know when Hamilton was born.” Yes, this is correct, but I don’t believe this should be labeled as “hardcore”, but perhaps that is just me. One early document indicates that Hamilton was born in 1755, while all later ones point to 1757 as his year of birth. We know Hamilton was not always a completely honest man, so it is possible that he lied.

Also, they show an image of a baby, and I do not know if this is actually Hamilton, but they use a lot of strange imagery, which I found humorous.

“A self-made man born out of wedlock.” Now, this fact could indeed be “hardcore”, if this was not colonial America we are discussing. Hamilton actually wasn’t really special in this regard. Yes, his rise to fame was impressive considering his circumstances, but this wasn’t unheard of.

The Narrator then says that Hamilton’s mother, Rachel Faucette, was “estranged from her husband.” This caused me some confusion as it is a vast understatement. Her ex-husband was absolutely awful to her. 

Additionally, they claim that James Hamilton left his family behind for some reason that I did not write in my notes, but the most likely reason that he actually left was because of his awesome debt. James Hamilton also had a history of ambitious pursuits for money, so it would not be extreme to claim that he moved to another island to attempt to make a fortune in some trading endeavor.

They also cease to mention the Stevens family, who housed young Alexander while he was working for Beekman and Cruger, and had a great influence on him, but I digress.

“A college dropout who joined the Revolution.” Once again, this isn’t special. Many rowdy young Whigs left behind their careers and educations for pursuit of military fame in the Continental Army. They also do not mention anything of Hamilton’s expansive military career, which aside from being indicative of primitive research, but would produce more “hardcore facts.”

Although, they do discuss his application to Princeton college, which is interesting enough I suppose, although everyone who has heard the first two songs of the musical knows this story. His proposal for an “accelerated course of study” was likely inspired by Aaron Burr, as claimed by Chernow and Miranda, or James Madison, as supported by evidence provided by author Noah Feldman in his novel, The Three Lives of James Madison, which is an excellent read. Young Madison, having already completed a course, decided to do so again, but compacting a usually three year course into a shorter period of time. He hardly slept during this period, which was stressful upon his health, making Princeton more disinclined to allow a similar course to be taken.

The Narrator then claims that Hamilton “formed his own militia of 25 men.” Technically, yes? But not exactly. Hamilton joined a paramilitary group called the Hearts of Oak, and they drilled in Trinity Churchyard. This became ironic later. He then became a captain in the New York Artillery Company, and enlisted his own men, which was at one time around thirty or so, if my memory serves me correctly.

“Founded a bank that existed for over two centuries.” Ah, yes, a very hardcore fact indeed. Yes, Hamilton did establish the Bank of America, but Robert Morris was the one who inspired him to do so. Though, I do think the financial plan is a product of his own genius, but I will get into that much later.

I got an ad. :(

The Narrator also says that the misfortunes done to the New York shipping industry by the Articles of Confederation were the most prominent, if not sole, motivation for Hamilton to concoct his financial plan. He first recognized the need for a sound financial plan when he was in the army. You know, when he was watching men die of inadequate supplies because the government couldn’t tax the states.

This video, like Chernow’s biography and Miranda’s musical, claims that Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr were friends when, in actuality, they weren’t really. Yes, they knew each other, and they didn’t hate each other until the end of Hamilton’s life, but they really didn’t think about each other much before the Election of 1800.

“Hamilton authored over half of the Federalist Papers.” Indeed, he did! I enjoy this fact. It isn’t very “hardcore” but it is very impressive. The Federalist Papers were arguably Hamilton’s greatest accomplishment, as he organized the entire thing and, as previously stated, authored much of them. I very much enjoy the Federalist Papers, as they give some insight as to Hamilton’s political and philosophical theories, as well as how he thought of the world. It makes for an interesting read if you have something you’re looking for.

Now, this may be a hot take, but Madison’s essays are by far more effective, as they were better organized. Hamilton and I share a common flaw, and that is the lack of brevity. 

“Involved in America’s first sex scandal.” Yes, we all know. I’ll get into the Reynold’s affair later because it’s its own beast to conquer. Basically what you need to understand information I shall provide later in this post is that James Reynolds extorted money from Hamilton, and if Hamilton failed to pay, Reynolds would expose the affair Hamilton was having with his wife, Maria. Hamilton paid, but when Reynolds was arrested for something else, he exposed Hamilton anyway.

“He worked with Aaron Burr to defend a man.” Once again, this isn’t very surprising. They were both capable lawyers in the same area, so it was basically inevitable. Though there was this one instance where Hamilton and Burr were working on a case together and Hamilton, being himself, insisted upon having the last word. Well, Burr was tired of him, and I can’t say I blame him, so he made every possible argument in his finishing speech, leaving Hamilton with virtually nothing. 

The Narrator also mentions Hamilton’s opposition to slavery, but he didn’t really outwardly oppose it as much as you would think listening to the musical or reading Chernow’s biography. Far from being the “fervent abolitionist” Chernow and Miranda glorify, Hamilton didn’t really do much for the enslaved. He helped John Laurens in his Black Plan and joined the Manumission Society, but other than that, he never made any attempt to progress the abolition of slavery. He also “purchased” slaves for his in-laws, and some argue that he “owned” some himself, but there is no contemporary evidence to support this that I have seen. The enslaved and servants that were in his household likely belonged to his wife.

“Founded a newspaper that still exists.” Ok.

“Died by duel.” I swear, this fact is by far the most unnecessary. They mention the duel so many times that it is already redundant. I completely skipped over this part, and the video ended, so I was thoroughly underwhelmed.

Well, seeing as this post is already longer than my attention span, I shall save you the pains of having to read any more in just one post. I shall make a follow-up to this where I give my own facts, which I believe are far more hardcore than “he founded a newspaper.” I hope you have enjoyed and this isn’t too terribly boring. I hope to get back to posting soon.

[onecanonlife]

careful son (you got dreamer's plans)    

Wilbur gasps back to life with mud between his fingers and rain in his eyes.

Wilbur was dead. Now, he is not. He can't say that he's particularly happy about it.

Unfortunately, the server is still as tumultuous as ever, even with Dream locked away, so it seems that his involvement in things isn't a matter of if, but when.

(Alternatively: the prodigal son returns, and a broken family finally begins to heal. If, that is, the egg doesn't get them all killed first.)

Chapter Word Count: 3,775

Chapter Content Warnings: swearing, references to scars, implied s.uicidal ideation

Chapter Summary: In which Wilbur makes it to Technoblade, and a conversation is had.

(masterlist w/ ao3 links)

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Chapter Two: shiver to that broken beat

He underestimated how cold he would get. By the time he finally finds Techno’s cabin, Ghostbur’s memories guiding him over the hills, he’s fairly certain that his fingers and toes are halfway to frostbite, and he’s shivering uncontrollably. If Techno ends up wanting to kill him, he won’t have to do much. Not letting him inside would be enough.

He isn’t sure if he’d respawn. Isn’t sure if he’s got another three lives, or if it’s just the one. Whether it’s three lives to live, three lives to lose, three lives to waste, three lives that he shouldn’t have in the first place, three lives to spare. Two lives to throw away, if need be. Or if it’s just the one.

(the one that he never wanted at all)

(an image flashes: Tommy staring into lava. Ghostbur found him like that, once, and thinking about it now makes his heart stutter in his chest)

He mounts the steps to Techno’s cabin, sparing a glace for—are those polar bears? Does Techno have polar bears tied up outside? He shakes his head, because yes, of course he does, it’s Techno, and then he is standing in front of the door, and he’s suddenly feeling a lot more trepidation about this whole thing. It’s irrational, really, but he can’t shake it, can’t shake the fear that this is going to go terribly, and this whole journey was a mistake.

“Fuck,” he murmurs, his breath puffing in front of his face. “Fuck everything.” The swearing doesn’t make him feel much better, but watching his breath fog up does remind him that he is very cold, and that he needs to be inside now. Even if this ends in him respawning, it’ll be somewhere warmer than this, hopefully.

He knocks. Four times, loudly. There is no response, so he does it again. There is still no answer, and he can’t resist the dark glare that he casts at the door. If he’s come all this way only for Techno to not be home, he’s going to be very put out. He’s also definitely not above breaking into his house, if need be.

He knocks one last time for good measure, already mapping his way in. There’s a window he can break—

“Hold your damn horses, I’m coming!”

It’s unmistakably Techno’s voice, and every muscle in Wilbur’s body tenses up, ready to fight, ready to flee, ready to do whatever the moment asks of him. For a brief, hysterical moment, he entertains the idea of abandoning this whole thing, of ducking out of sight and letting Techno think that it was someone playing a prank. This is the last moment to back out.

He doesn’t, in spite of his better judgment,

(or perhaps because of it, he doesn’t know, doesn’t even know if he has ‘better’ judgment at all, these days)

and he jams his hands in his pockets and tries for all the world to adopt a casual pose before the door is swinging open, and Techno is there.

(his brother is there)

“Alright, who—” Techno starts, and stops just as quickly, staring at him with wide eyes.

Techno looks… good. He looks good. Dressed in warm layers, that damn red cape he’s so fond of flowing out behind him, his stupid crown on his head. His hair is braided neatly, his tusks sharpened to gleaming points, and if, perhaps, the bags under his eyes are a bit darker than they should be, Wilbur won’t point it out. What’s a little lost sleep, in the grand scheme of things? Technoblade seems like he’s thriving up here, the Antarctic Empire all over again, and Wilbur feels a sharp flare of

(jealousy)

(relief)

emotion. He tries not to let it show on his face.

“Hello, Technoblade,” he says. “Can I come in?”

For a long minute, Techno says nothing at all. Just stares, motionless, unblinking. Wilbur can’t remember the last time he saw his brother look so shocked.

(yes you can, you liar, you dirty liar, it was the first time he heard you yell at Tommy, really rip into him, and the shock was only there for a second, he hid it well, but you saw it, you know you did, you just pretended not to, pretended that this was all normal and what you were doing was justified)

“I hate to press you, but it’s fucking freezing,” he adds.

“Shit,” Techno says. “Shit, how are you—Phil said that it didn’t—Wilbur.” He bursts into motion, then, and Wilbur barely tamps down the instinct to punch him, to claw at him and fight and get away as he suddenly steps forward, gripping him by the forearms, crushingly enough to hurt, to leave bruises later. Wilbur furrows his brow at this reaction, but doesn’t have too much time to think about it, because Techno is right there now, right in his face, and that’s too close. Too close. Too much. Techno’s hands almost seem to be burning through the sleeves of his coat, and his skin tingles, as if there are sparks rushing across it.

“It is you, right?” Techno says. “Not—no, Ghostbur wouldn’t, and—wow, I’m gonna need all of you to be quiet. Wait, so where’s Ghostbur, then?”

The bitterness that washes over him is surprising. Perhaps it shouldn’t be. Because it isn’t surprising that Techno asked as much, and something in him, a snarling, angry thing, whispers, of course, of course he would rather have Ghostbur than you, of course he’d rather the pathetic amnesiac remnant, the fragment of a soul that couldn’t handle a single negative emotion, much less act on one, of fucking course that’s the version of you that he likes most, what else did you expect?

(of course he prefers the you that isn’t insane, that doesn’t lash out at anything and everything, even your own family)

“Gone,” he says, short and clipped. “Or so I assume. Sorry to disappoint.”

Techno has the nerve to look confused, his ears twitching. “What? No, that’s not what I—” He stops, then, looking him up and down, his brow furrowing, and Wilbur is about two seconds from breaking out of his hold in the most violent manner possible, because it’s too restraining and too much. “Wow. Okay. You are not dressed to be out here. C’mon.”

“Do you really think I don’t know that?” he gripes, but he doesn’t resist as Techno tugs him indoors, biting back a gasp as the warm air surrounds him. He spares a cursory glace for the inside of Techno’s house, but he knows the layout—Ghostbur was here often enough. “Why do you think I wanted to come inside in the first place?”

He’s expecting a snarky comment back. It’s an old song, an old dance that they do, built on sarcasm and quips and hiding all the feelings underneath. But Techno just looks at him again, looks at him like he’s a puzzle, like he’s something to be figured out, like he’s something unexpected, and Wilbur hates it. Hates being under a microscope, scrutinized, and Techno is only one person, but he feels for all the world as though there are people all around him, looking at him, whispering, like he’s on display, stuck in a glass cage for everyone to point at—

“I, uh,” Techno says, “really, that thing about Ghostbur? I was just wonderin’. It’s not that I’m not happy to see you, Wilbur, honestly. I just… wasn’t expecting it. Phil said that the whole resurrection thing, uh... didn’t pan out.”

… Right. That’s a thing that happened. Ghostbur and his stupid determination, his stupid insistence that the server needed him back, needed him alive, and Wilbur wishes he could take Ghostbur by the collar of his sweater and shout at him until he got it through his head that Wilbur alive is the absolute last thing anyone needs.

“Yeah, that’s not why I’m here,” he says, and—Techno is still holding him, and it’s weird, and he doesn’t like it. His stomach is doing flips. It’s too much, and it’s especially too much coming from Technoblade of all people, because sustained contact has never been how Techno shows affection, or much of anything else, for that matter, and the fact that he’s doing it now is throwing Wilbur off balance.

So he steps away, further into the house, and it seems that this is finally enough for Techno to get the hint. His hands slip from his arms, and Wilbur pretends that he doesn’t feel very cold all of a sudden, a cold that’s different from the snow and ice of outside, a cold that starts inside and works its way out, and—

“Then why are you here?” Techno asks, and a smile pulls at Wilbur’s lips, twisted and not at all happy.

“Ask Tommy,” he replies. “Or better yet, ask Dream.”

“Dream’s in prison,” Techno shoots back. “You’re telling me he did something from a jail cell?”

“What, Tommy didn’t tell you? It’s the whole reason they kept him alive. To bring me back. Not that anyone bothered to consult me about it, but there you go.”

It’s interesting, watching Techno’s face. He has never been outwardly expressive, has always presented a mask of stoicism to the world, but Wilbur knows him, knows what to look for, knows that the slight tightening around his eyes conveys anger, that the flick of his ears indicates discomfort, and a lot of it. What could be causing that, he wonders, feeling a grim sort of amusement. Is it the fact that Dream is alive? Or the fact that he is?

(which would he like it to be? he doesn’t know. part of him wants Technoblade to be put off by him, he thinks. it proves that things are different. that things have changed from their shared childhood. that his experiences meant something, that they mattered, that they are remembered, that he has a reason to be the way that he is)

“Tommy hasn’t been telling me much of anything, lately,” Techno says, and Wilbur only just manages to pick up on the fact that his voice is too even, too monotone, even for him. “We’re not exactly on speaking terms.” He pauses, maybe waiting for Wilbur to say something, maybe not, but after a moment, he says, “You want a drink or somethin’?”

“That would be nice,” he admits. His shivering has begin to abate, but his clothes are still very damp, and they’re not doing anything to warm him up. He should probably ask for a change, but something in him balks at the idea. He doesn’t want to ask Technoblade for favors. Doesn’t want to owe him anything. He’ll take what’s offered, but that’s all.

“Cool,” Techno says. “I’ll get on that.”

They stare at each other. Nobody moves.

“Right,” Techno says. “I’m just gonna… walk past you here.”

Wilbur steps to the side, letting Techno pass him. He’s close enough to touch, close enough to brush up against him if he were just a few inches to the left,

(and something in him is screaming for it, is longing for a gentle touch, for a touch that doesn’t mean pain and doesn’t mean war and isn’t weighted with a thousand betrayals, but he doesn’t know that he can find that here, so much blood is on the floor between them)

but he doesn’t, and Techno disappears from sight. A moment later, there is a clatter, and the sound of cabinets opening and closing. Wilbur stands there for a moment longer, and then takes it as his cue to make himself comfortable.

Not too comfortable, of course. But he sits on Techno’s couch and peels off his coat, and he immediately feels warmer as the air hits his bare arms. He stares at them for a moment, pale and unmarked, and it feels wrong, that they shouldn’t be scarred. He can’t remember if he ever took wounds there, but he’s sure he did at some point, somewhere between the declaration of war and the battles and the explosions and the exile,

(because respawn brings people back, but it doesn’t erase what happened, not completely, and it’s always a tossup as to what will remain, what will linger on as a reminder)

and frankly, he feels like the ripped and torn state of his soul should show externally somewhere.

He breathes out, long and slow, and listens to Techno banging around his kitchen. He braces his forearms against his legs, clasping his hands together and lowering his head.

It might have been a mistake, coming here. He’s not sure what he expected to find, but it wasn’t quite this, wasn’t quite a once-brother who seems to have no idea what to do with him, wasn’t quite conversation that is awkward and stilted and strange because neither of them knows the other anymore, haven’t since the festival, or perhaps since they reunited in Pogtopia, or perhaps since he and Tommy left home, or perhaps since Techno did, or perhaps they never knew each other at all, not really, and they were only playing house all that time.

(that can’t be true, he knows, because he remembers the days when Techno taught him how to fight and he taught him basic guitar chords, remembers the days when he bandaged Tommy’s scrapes and bruises and knew in turn that his little brother would do anything to defend him, remembers the days when the warmth and comfort of Phil’s wings were only a step and a heartbeat away, and they were happy, they were, they were)

Absently, he brings one hand up to touch his chest. He thinks he’s searching for his heartbeat, searching for a bit of reassurance, a bit of stability, but that’s not what he gets. He can feel it even through his shirt, a knot of gnarled scar tissue, thick and raised against the rest of his skin. He slips his hand under his shirt to better prod at it, to map out its edges, and it should hurt, probably, but it doesn’t. There’s not much sensation there at all, a numbness that speaks to nerve endings that didn’t quite heal right.

He knows what it is. He’s not surprised that he brought it back with him.

“Um,” Techno says, and he looks up. Techno is back, is standing in front of him with two steaming mugs, is openly fidgeting, obviously unnerved, and Wilbur might congratulate himself on it if the circumstances were any different. As it is, he takes his hand out from under his shirt and gives Techno a flat stare.

After a moment, Techno huffs and settles on the opposite end of the couch, offering him a mug. Wilbur accepts it, sniffs it, and the scent is familiar, but he can’t place it. He takes a small, cautious sip and almost spits it back out, and not because it scalds his tongue, though it does. He knows what it is as soon as the flavor hits his taste buds, and for a split second, he is overwhelmed by

(tea in his hands and more on the kettle, his father’s voice, low and soothing, and so much nostalgia that he chokes on it)

memories. It’s been so long since he had this. So very, very long.

“Phil left some behind last time he was here,” Techno says. Wilbur looks at him; he’s regarding him carefully, as if he thinks he’s going to—to do what? What does Techno think he’s going to do? Yell? Attack? Bolt? All of those have their attractions, but he sits there instead, his mouth burning with the remnants of the heat.

He doesn’t know what he’s going to say when he opens his mouth.

“I haven’t had this blend since before Tommy and I left home,” he says, the words spilling out without his permission. “It was… the day before, I think? Sometime that week, at least. Phil and I sat in the kitchen and drank tea together, and he told me—” He cuts himself off; that’s too personal. It hurts too much to think about, now.

(he looked into his eyes and said, I’m proud of you, Wilbur, and he tries not to think about it too much, because thinking about it too much means interposing that Phil’s face, calm and smiling and happy, over the face of the Phil that he saw next, tears streaking down his cheeks and his expression twisted in desperation and grief as Wilbur begged him to—stop don’t go there not right now)

“He’s got his own base now,” Techno says, “but he’s not too far away. He said he might stop by tonight. You wanna stick around for that?”

Wilbur goes cold.

He hadn’t really considered it, in all honesty, hadn’t given due thought to seeing Phil, even though he knew very well that he would at least be in the area. Faced with the possibility, he’s not sure what to do with it.

It’s not what he’s here for. That much is certain. He should try to keep from being distracted, probably. He needs to remember that he’s not here with Techno out of familial obligation, but rather out of a desire to find information, to better know what he is about to be walking into.

“Maybe,” he says. “We’ll see.” He takes another sip of his tea. Swallows. Gathers up all of his emotions, and locks them away in a box.

He’s never been too good at compartmentalizing. But he can do it. It’s necessary,

(when you’re not even twenty-five years old and leading your little brother into a war)

sometimes.

“I was hoping you could tell me what’s been going on lately,” he says. “I want to go see Tommy, but I don’t want to walk in without knowing anything.”

Techno snorts.

“I figured it’d be something like that,” he says frankly, and Wilbur’s not quite sure how to take that. “I don’t know why you think I know anything. I don’t exactly have many friends over there right now.”

“Anything is better than nothing,” he responds, quiet and serious, meeting Techno’s eyes. He doesn’t quite know what expression he’s making, but it must be enough to persuade Technoblade, because Techno lets out a sigh, rolling his eyes.

And he talks.

He’s not lying; he doesn’t know much about the state of the server as it is now. But he knows some things, and Wilbur is interested in hearing them. Is interested in hearing about what Techno knows about the final battle against Dream. Is interested in what happened before, and what has happened since—there doesn’t seem to be a lot in the second category, thankfully, so perhaps Tommy has been able to enjoy some peace for once. Wilbur’s about to waltz in and destroy it, of course, but at least he had it for a time.

The exhaustion hits when Techno begins to talk about some kind of egg. Egg government. Egg cult? Techno doesn’t seem to know which it is, and Wilbur can’t make heads or tails of it, and it is then that he realizes that his eyelids are drooping. Which is not good; he didn’t intend to fall asleep here, and frankly, he’s not convinced that it would be safe to do so.

(lie)

But his body refuses to listen to his rational mind, and his thoughts are growing fuzzier by the minute, Techno’s voice falling further and further away. Still talking about the egg. It must be an important egg.

And then, the voice stops. Blearily, Wilbur lifts his head. He hadn’t realized that he’d begun to nod off. Techno is looking at him, something that can’t be softness in his eyes, something that can’t be fondness, because that affection was spent a long time ago, somewhere between Pogtopia and what came afterward.

“You still with me?” Techno asks.

He frowns. “Of course,” he tries to say, but the words come out slurred, just enough that he has no hope of hiding it or excusing it. Sure enough, Techno just laughs. At him. Which is rude and annoying.

“Sure,” he agrees, his voice making it clear that he is not actually agreeing at all. Before Wilbur can protest, he reaches over and plucks the mug from his hands. “I’ve got some guest rooms. Do you want me to set you up?”

“‘M not staying,” he says. Because he’s not. He’s made that determination just now. He’s gotten the information he needs out of Technoblade, and it’s time to move on. He doesn’t want to stay here,

(in a comfortable bed, safe under his brother’s watch, safe for the first time in forever, safe, safe, safe)

that’s for sure.

“Okay,” Techno says, and Wilbur is finding it increasingly difficult to think—and this exhaustion has hit fast, and that better be all that it is, because he doesn’t have the time to be sick—but he is still well aware that he is being mocked. “I’m gonna get you a bed ready, how’s that?”

“No, fuck you,” he mutters, but Techno is already gone, walking upstairs, chuckling to himself. Wilbur glares after him, trying to set him on fire with the force of his gaze, but it doesn’t work, and he is left alone in the room, on the couch, and it seems that he’s not going anywhere tonight. Not unless he takes this opportunity to leave, to venture back out into the cold with nothing but a trenchcoat that hasn’t even finished drying from his first expedition, and—

And this couch is comfortable, actually. Perhaps he can give himself permission to relax. Just this once.

He lies down. Curls up. It’s warm like this. Nice. His mind starts to drift.

He is vaguely aware of Techno’s return, sort-of cognizant of the way he stands over him for a few minutes before muttering to himself, too quiet for Wilbur to bother to parse the words out. Then, there is something covering him, soft and warm, and he must be tired to the point of hallucinations if he truly believes that Techno has just—what, tucked him in? That’s ridiculous. But it’s a problem for the morning.

There is a flash of blue in the corner of his eye. But he’s too out of it to pay it any mind.

Wilbur lets himself sleep.

He wakes up once, to the sound of a door opening, to the sound of voices, two of them, quiet and familiar. He doesn’t know what they’re saying. He doesn’t care. He’s safe here. That’s what matters.

---------

As a note, I’m new to writing for this fandom, so while I don’t have a taglist for it yet, I’m happy to make one if anyone would like, so feel free to ask!

[allexteriordark]

Can I just ask why you're so interested in the john/dean dynamic? I just never found it interesting, John wasn't in the show enough for me to grow an interest, so I'd like to hear it from your pov :)

@ghost-go-roasty-mctoasty let me start off by saying i cannot possibly explain or phrase this in a way that's better than what others have said.... refer to nikki fearlastyear and bug familyhorror for real 🥴 but i get that you're asking why i'm like this so

i'm gonna put a read more since i'm incapable of being succint. i just rambled on and you'll have to take it because that was enough time spent on this. and like, i might not be satisfied, might not feel like i conveyed what i wanted to, but i don't feel like i can pull anything better out of myself lol and that's okay

and the answer, the relationship i have with my dad is certainly something and i'm projecting 💗 no but the key to dean and john is that a lot of it is off-screen. we're told about the night azazel paid a friendly little visit, about john being a vietnam vet, an ex-marine who just wanted to settle down, about sam and dean's childhood, about dean's problems with identity and self-worth. the show tells us a lot of things about them, just not outright. a lot can be deduced imo!!

the appeal is this: dean was devoted to his father, served him as well as he could, idolized him, despite john being absent and despite how he treated his sons. like,, john was his god. (i don't see this kind of intense devotion often in media when it comes to fathers - or it doesn't do it for me?? why i latched onto them probably has something to do with john's character. anyway,)

i feel like i was shown enough of john to... find him interesting enough to make me think about him and how he raised his boys? from very early on, john was dean's hero. as @familyhorror said, the night mary died intertwined their lives, not just because trauma, but because from that point on they were sharing this mission: protect sam, avenge mary and the sanctity of family.... i'm interested in dean's space in this family, in this unit, when the three of them were together (especially with me having a shitty family like i had to raise my sister and protect her from my parents sometimes. relatability points!!)

i wonder how dean and john operated when sam, the disobedient son, the one who didn't put family first, left them. that was a shared pain, shared betrayal to an extent. and from when sam left to when john went missing, it was just the two of them. that's all dean and john had 🥴 i'm probably definitely underestimating how many friends and acquaintances john had (pastor jim was definitely in the picture from early on..) but the stanford years couldn't be insignificant!! their relationship must have intensified. so they were sergeant and soldier, but also john, broken man on a revenge mission, and dean, his only true companion and provider of comfort.... tugging at john's coat when he was sad (above the clouds of pompeii by bear's den is actually about them just so everyone knows) and telling his dad it'll be okay after he came home from a hunt. dean did that, when he was small o_o i doubt he stopped wanting to care for his dad

sam wasn't elevated to the level in the family dean was elevated to. because dean's the oldest. the parent's supposed to provide the comfort, children can't possibly make good friends for their parents, no matter how much the parent needs a supporter. "i put too much on your shoulders, i made you grow up too fast. you took care of sammy, you took care of me" !!! dean turned into his dad's partner, in a way, because john needed one. total coincidence that my mom also thinks i can care for her like a friend and forgets that i'm her daughter ahaha <3

with mary dead, someone also needed to do the tasks traditionally assigned to like, the mom. i just doubt john always did the laundry and cleaned up when there was a mess and acted as a health care provider and did the dishes, it makes more sense to me that he passed most of the khmm ""duties of a mother"" off to dean... i mean. john definitely didn't do a lot for the comfort of his boys, in the name of nurturing them.... but dean had a baby brother, he had to make things better for his brother, i feel like when john left a spot empty, when something wasn't done, he stepped in. sometimes. this doesn't mean dean was a good wife replacement or that he was the only one who cooked or anything like that lol i'm just saying that dean definitely took on more responsibility than a kid's supposed to and his relationship with his father existed mostly so john's needs would be met. he wasn't just a son to john, that's what i think of them

also once sam left i think john could just, pull dean even deeper, have him be more obedient, on the same page as john - i'm doing this for your perfect angel of a mother and for family and for sammy, i'm doing this to you for your own good, because the world is a dark place and i love you so much. and isn't it interesting, dean thinking the abuse is justified? that john was right to leave them to go on hunts and to move them from motel to motel, eradicating any chance of connection they could've had outside of family and any chance of feeling like they have a home? and of feeling safe.. that's another thing: when dean's a kid all he knows is something killed his mom, there's monsters out there, but dad's gonna make it better :) of course he clung to a perfect image of his father and he stayed with john and modeled himself after his dad. (of course that's interesting to me)

dean loved like his father, learned love from him, because he learned everything else from him too actually, and he became his father. isn't that level of devotion insane. i don't just mean the music, the jacket, the car, or the lifestyle, or the alcoholism and violence later on, i mean more like, the very foundations of who dean is. his morals, his being is based on john. so his entire life his father never left him :) there's something religious about this, and also something that reminds me of platonism: john being the idea of absolute good and true, that dean wants to take inside himself,,, as much of john as possible. he could never be good and heroic enough though (the american hero he was trying to measure up to is like. not real ofc). dean sold his soul for sam, even though that's what john did for him and it was a terrible burden, to be saved, through sacrifice, but he couldn't help it :) and he comes back from hell and is told that his father lasted longer, could withstand more, he'll never be the hero john was.

so, the abuse was passed on (dean violating sam's autonomy because he can't live without sam, and, other stuff like that. i couldn't list everything dean did that was fucked up <3) and the selling your soul for your family, for your kid, was passed on!! horrific, turning into your parent and fucking someone up the same way they fucked you up. i'm very compelled by the winchester family and what they do to each other, because, that's family, to me at least, it's horrendous and the only thing that matters :/

and this is the part where i talk about my dad 🤪 so get this: i fucking hate him. i despise him, i want him dead, the intensity of it scares me. he turns me into something ugly! i can't forgive him and there's really nothing to salvage here, in what i have with him, and i've thought about it a lot. for a while i thought, okay, then i just let him go, see, it's done, i don't care about him, no more pain!! he's nothing to me he can't hurt me! but then turns out that i can't do that, because now that he's dead to me, i have to mourn him. i can't let go, family doesn't work like that! haha silly me!

so i miss the father i never had, and will never have, so much. it's worse that i have no connection to him, in a way, than if it was a love-hate thing. i think it makes sense that i'd latch onto dean winchester's intense connection to his father. i'm envious as fuck :)) <3

i hope you got a bit of a look into what compels me about dean and john. if you have any questions though, if something wasn't clear, i'm happy to explain anything!!

[fanficflaneuse]

Sleepless

A/N: Hello, magical tumblr beings. First of all, I can't to thank you enough for all your love and support on my very first imagine ever (you can check it out here). I wrote yet another fluffy, sickly-sweet, absolutely self indulgent imagine. I hope you like this one as well! 

Details: 

Draco Malfoy x reader (she/her pronouns). 

Words: 1689 

Summary: the reader has insomnia and decides to roam the castle in the middle of the night. Fluff ensues. 

Disclaimers: so Draco’s characterization here was a bit of a problem. It still bothers me a bit. This is fluffy and a bit pointless. Mentions of Dolores Umbridge. 

(Y/N) got tired of tossing and turning in bed. The soft snoring of her roommates only made things worse. She peaked through the curtains of her four-poster bed and saw Hermione sleeping. Her best friend had fallen in the arms of Morpheus a while ago.  And there she was, unable to close her eyes as the night seemed to stretch infinitely.

(Y/N) couldn’t remember a time in her life when she hadn’t suffered from insomnia. Usually, the sleeping draught helped her, but these days the stress around her was so overpowering she hadn’t even ventured into Madam Pomfrey’s realm for a small dose.

This year things were agitated to say the least. Pained by the tragedy at the Triwizard Tournament, Harry insisted that Voldemort was back. People were harsh. They mocked him, spread rumours about how he had lost his mind, accused him of lying. Some even claimed that he had murdered Cedric Diggory. She was one of Harry’s closest friends and she had her own reasons to believe him, which meant she was also a member of Dumbledore’s Army.

If the strain of running an underground society wasn’t enough, the fact that Dolores Umbridge had taken over the school gave plenty of reasons to drive anyone mad. The sickly-sweet pink lady was one of the most hateful people (Y/N) had ever met. She seemed to have taken a bow to make students’ lives miserable. She was dead set against Harry and the three people she, rather contemptuously, referred to as his “dream team”, which, of course, included her, along with Hermione and Ron.

The icing on the cake? (Y/N) had a crush. An annoying, deeply confusing crush on the one boy she definitely shouldn’t be ogling at. She blamed Snape for this. Hadn’t he decided that (Y/N) and Hermione had to be separated in his class, she wouldn’t have to seat next to the most hands...stupid and obnoxious Slytherin in the whole school. She wouldn’t have to talk to him every day, notice the little gestures that made him seem so vulnerable, so human. How his big grey eyes could hold so much emotion. How he had expressive eyebrows. How the corners of his lips curled just slightly in an awkward attempt to the friendly to her. How he’d fumble with his family ring and pout when he was confused. How he had this one single curl that wouldn’t be tamed regardless of how he combed his blond hair. How he would always treat her with kindness, albeit with a bit of playful cockiness, even when he was horrible to her friends.

Yes, it was totally Snape’s fault. Now, she not only had to deal with the butterflies and the blushing, the typical embarrassment of such situations, but also the guilt of liking a guy who’d call her best friends horrible slurs and created elaborate campaigns to discredit and embarrass them. What was wrong with her? She felt like a traitor.

If Ron thought Cho Chang could explode from an emotional overload, (Y/N) felt she could combust then and there.

Tired of being in bed, she pushed her covers and stood up. She slid into her linen night robe and slippers and left the room, swiftly and silently as a cat. It was not the first time (Y/N) roamed through the castle late at night. Walking helped to ease her mind and she found that the castle seemed more beautiful and enthralling the darker and lonelier it was.

(Y/N) was so distracted she didn’t realize she had unconsciously walked all the way to the astronomy tower. She decided to climb up, something she had never done in all of her nightly rounds. Once she walked through the door, (Y/N)’s gaze met those stormy grey eyes that gave her both butterflies and heartache at the same time. She gulped and took a few steps back. If she could’ve guessed, she probably looked terrified at the moment; he was, after all, part of Umbridge’s inquisitors.

“(Y/N) wait,” he said softly.

“Will you report me with Umbridge?” she asked, panicky.

“What? No. I just… what are you doing here?”

“I can’t sleep,” she shrugged.

She turned around to leave when she heard him whisper a “me neither” that sounded a bit desperate. She pictured his lips curled down ever just slightly and, finding the image adorable, decided to turn around. (Y/N) found him fiddling with his ring, which made her smile. He looked so shy and a cute that she couldn’t believe it was the same guy who could make her knees buckle with one of his infamous cocky smirks. She walked towards him while crossing her arms, suddenly self-conscious of her choice of outfit.

“Why so shy?” he asked, trying to go back to his cocky, confident persona, complete with checking her out. He thought he had nailed it until she raised an eyebrow in response, which made him cringe at his choice of words.

Draco Malfoy was used to having his walls so frighteningly high it was conflicting for him to interact with someone he actually wanted to let in. With her, her smart questions, her kind smile, the way he treated him as an equal and how she seemed to be interested in what he actually had to say, he felt the façade crumbling to bits. With his walls down, though, his “suave” persona turned a bit to dust. Around her, he felt dorky. Draco Malfoy dorky? Merlin, if his father knew this.

“Why can’t you sleep?” she asked absentmindedly, completely disregarding his last question. He noticed how her gaze shifted to the sky, her face full of wonder. He looked back at the stars as well and spotted Orion immediately.

“I have a lot in my mind,” he answered, “what about you?”

“Me too,” she answered.

“That’s Taurus, right?” she asked, pointing at the wrong constellation.

Draco smiled. Whenever they finished their work with a few minutes to spare, they would seat down and talk about their interests. Astronomy and Greek mythology were amongst the many topics they covered. He shared his knowledge on the first and learned about the later.  

The conversation then changed topics and they found themselves sitting on the floor, backs against the railing, sharing laughs and jokes and experiences. It was the first time they had the chance to have a full-on conversation, to ramble, laugh and be unapologetically friendly. Usually, their conversations ended after the bell rang. Tonight, they could talk for as long as they wanted to. Make each other blush as many times as they wanted to. Seat as incredibly close to each other as they wanted to. No one was waiting for the outside of the classroom, nobody would judge or mock them for being friendly with the other. Suddenly, (Y/N) was not mad that the night seemed to stretch infinitively.

“So, you believe Potter,” Draco pointed out.  

There was a bit of fake annoyance in his voice.  The conversation taken a more serious tone when she mentioned something about his inquisitorial squad.

“He is my best friend,” (Y/N) answered, shrugging once again.

“Pansy is my best friend and I don’t believe half of the things she says,” Draco stated, trying to light up the mood once again. He mentally patted his back when (Y/N) laughed.

“If there is one person that truly knows Harry is not lying it’s you, Draco”.

She said this without a trace of malice in her voice. She was merely stating a fact. Draco could’ve pretended he was offended, he could’ve scoffed and stormed off, how dare she imply he and his family had something to do with the Dark L Volde You Know Who? He could use that to stand up, close that door and never see her again, not have to deal with the terrible crush he had on her. But here’s the thing, he didn’t want to do any of that. He wanted to keep talking to her now and every single day. He wanted to see if she felt that same tickling in his stomach whenever he was around. And he wanted to kiss her. So so badly.

Besides, everybody knew his parents had connections to the Dark Lord. And his father…his father had been acting rather strangely when he got back home from his fourth year. He had talked nonsense all summer. It hadn’t taken him too long to connect the dots. He knew Voldemort was back. There was no doubt about it. But until he decided to reveal himself, he had to play his part. And thus, the whole Potter stinks campaign had started.

“(Y/N/N)…” he looked down, sad and ashamed.

She put her hand on his arm and their eyes met again. Draco was transfixed. (Y/N)’s heart was pounding hard on her chest. She leaned in slowly, trying to catch a glimpse of his reaction. Their noses were almost touching. She put one of her hands gently on Draco’s cheek and he leaned into her touch. The both closed their eyes as their lips finally touched. The kiss was slow at first, a bit shy even. But then they got comfortable with each other, his hands travelled to her waist, the hand that wasn’t on his cheek tangled in his blond hair. The kiss became hungrier. He bit her lip, she slithered her tongue into his mouth.

When they finally pulled away, Draco looked at (Y/N)’s flushed face and found himself absolutely smitten.

“I fancy you, Draco” she blurted out.

Draco gave her a huge, wholehearted smile. She smiled back.

“I fancy you too, (Y/N/N),” he said as he caressed her hair softly.

The kissed again and again, sweet chaste kisses and pecks that made them both erupt in giggles. Draco felt on cloud nine. (Y/N) couldn’t believe what was happening. That night, they didn’t speak of every possible way in which things could possibly go wrong. They didn’t talk about Draco’s concerns and certainties, about the war to come. They didn’t talk about (Y/N)’s guilt about her friends. They just kissed and talked and held each other all night.

And it was a beautiful night.

[eldritch-elrics]

svsss: the (not so) grand return of peerless cucumber

so a LOT happened in the chapters i read last night (44-49) and i have. SO many thoughts

not as many as i had right after i read but i really had to go to bed so i couldn’t write them all up.....

i put some reactions in individual posts but i’ll repeat them here!

first of all. shang qinghua. fucked off to the demon realm. like, good for him? but also. i want to see my boy

binghe keeping sqq’s body??? xue yang vibes OFF the charts

so I’M IN LOVE WITH THE MUSHROOM PLOT

i love how every so often sv will hit me with a twist that is SO up my alley that i just. lose it a little bit

HE MADE HIMSELF A CLONE BODY OUT OF MAGICAL MUSHROOMS AND TRANSPORTED HIS SOUL INTO IT.

i love mushroom shit and i love bodyswapping and. my god.

the fact that sqq has died twice and been forced to inhabit 3 different bodies??? wei wuxian wishes he were this cool

sidenote but the mental image of sqq doing radio calisthenics in the forest is really funny. or maybe it’s just funny to me because of the associations i have with this one time in japanese class?

sqq’s new body looking like a cross between shen yuan and shen qingqiu is really interesting and perhaps... symbolic....?

also hey does this mean he doesn’t have to deal with the cureless poison anymore. i assumed that it would be cured in his eventual sexytimes with binghe but hmmm i guess not!

the point where i really lost it was when he realized he was disconnected from the system. i know now that it wasn’t permanent but that was just so interesting, how much he hates it and wants it gone. which makes sense! even though it has helped him get out of bad spots at times, it’s a sign that he’s not really from this world. now i’m just really curious what’s gonna happen to the system at the end of the novel. maybe it’ll shut off once he achieves the “goal” it’s seemed to have set for him and gets together with lbh?

also i’m glad that sqq seems to have matured a little bit in terms of his people skills / problem solving skills? though uh. remains to be seen how he’ll act in front of binghe when binghe realizes who he is

it also seems like i was completely wrong about sqq’s motivations for sacrificing himself lol. lot more selfish than i thought? but it makes sense! fun twist

mxtx sure likes to have her protagonists execute plots that they don’t tell the reader about until after they happen lol (i’m thinking of the golden core transfer)

uhh back to plot reactions

love the running joke about peerless cucumber. also the demon names... six balls <3

also hold on a minute, peerless cucumber is a dick joke? lmao

thank you airplane for making it clear binghe has a big dick. absolutely vital character information

so i’ve said this before but sqq’s narration really CARRIES this novel. here i’m thinking specifically about his diatribe against sha hualing’s nails

shl is pretty fun. sexy evil lady!

sqq can turn his fan into a blade. nie huaisang get ON that smh

yang yixuan my beloved!

also HAHA i predicted that sqq’s super mushroom powers could help the xin mo thing and i was RIGHT

so sqq is just. SO invested in getting the plot back on track. like with all the harem members and stuff. it’s so funny because like bro. surely you’ve noticed by now that things are going very differently than in pidw. and also... you don’t WANT to go back on the pidw track bc that would kill you!!!

so the system reactivates when binghe turns up right? i am thinking about. the fact that when it tries to reboot it’s like “contacting customer service”

WHO IS CUSTOMER SERVICE.

it’s so interesting because like... obviously the whole system thing is so much bigger than just A Book? it’s even got airplane trapped inside it. and he’s the fucking author! who is running this thing? and for what purpose?

sqq listening in on the gossip about how lbh is DEFINITELY obsessively in love with him was SO funny. poor man

so binghe. he has become so COLD

i don’t like it :(

once more. my dude go to therapy.

wait also random but sqq has a beard now and for some reason that’s so funny to me

life at the palace seems terrible lmao no one is doing ok

smh, mxtx protags keep dying and staying dead for huge amounts of time and then coming back in different bodies

the fact that binghe’s happiest memories are training with sqq :(

THE FACT THAT BINGHE IS ABSOLUTELY SHIT AT KISSING

my god. that entire scene

went from “awwww headpats” to “AAAAAAAA”

the fact that the system congratulates him i’m sjkdhgjhsdhgjsds poor sqq.... didn’t ask for this shit.......

after 50 chapters, he’s finally realized he turned the male lead gay <3 say goodbye to all those funny oblivious moments!

i had to stop there because it was way too late at night but wow. we shall see how this relationship progresses

i can’t see it improving anytime soon but at least sqq knows lbh likes him now???

i had a LOT of thoughts last night but now i’m pretty much just like. i really need to see where it goes before i make any judgements on bingqiu

rn i’m not a big fan because 1. sqq is so wildly uncomfortable (understandable lol, even if lbh thinks it’s just a dream) and 2. lbh is very obsessive and that’s not really my favorite trope. but like it’s obviously not meant to be a healthy relationship, at least definitely not right now, and i do like some good fucked up romance! i’m excited to see the developments where sqq realizes what his real feelings are

i’m also fairly neutral on binghe as a character atm. his main personality traits seem to be “obsessed with sqq” and “trying not to die from evil sword qi poisoning” and i don’t find that all that compelling? between him and lwj i have to say that mxtx’s love interest characters are not really my favorite, though i wouldn’t say i dislike either of them.

furthermore i’m slightly concerned with how lbh’s “i’m the main character and i get what i want” attitude is gonna affect the romance. i know there’s some dubconny stuff later which i can’t say i’m excited for but i am excited to see how binghe’s character is gonna develop in general

my aspirations for bingqiu is that they’re both able to eventually break free of the expectations of the system

because, look at this from sqq’s pov. there’s this ai in your head that has, for literal years, been steering you towards a romance that you (at least outwardly) don’t want. isn’t that fucking terrifying? i love it. the system (at least how i see it) has been bending the established plot of the world in order to make this happen. it’s like fate but you can see the gears turning.

and even if sqq does end up liking lbh back, can you imagine the existential crisis of like. wondering if he really CHOSE to get with binghe or if he was somehow compelled to by the system which acts based on binghe’s emotions?

i think that would be so interesting

however what i think is Actually going to happen (based on that one time when airplane was like “hey cucumber, uh, is lbh just a character to you or is there more...”) is that sqq is gonna realize that he’s had a bit of a crush on binghe since reading pidw and is only just now dealing with his internalized homophobia. so him getting together with binghe has less strings attached

i think there’s some opportunity here for a commentary on the soulmate trope? because svsss is just so steeped in themes about agency and fate. i think that would be really cool but we’ll have to see. i feel like the ending is gonna be simpler and happier than i want it to be but obviously i cannot make any judgements yet! i’m just having Thoughts :)

so, i also read one of the extras (the one where he goes with lqg to battle succubi) because the translation i’m reading recommended it! it was pretty fun

sqq SO clueless. like i get it, he doesn’t think he’s into anything other than Pretty Cis Women, but. sqq we’ll work on this

also ASKING LQG IF HE’S A VIRGIN. sqq literally stop

(that was so funny though)

liu qingge ACE RIGHTS

actually lqg’s outburst in this chapter was kind of bizarre and can be explained in a few different ways i think?

i really like the idea of him being aroace. thinks true love doesn’t exist etc

i feel like the intended implication of lqg’s outburst is that he’s realized madame meiyin is referring to binghe and is like “holy shit no sqq can’t be with Him”

maybe lqg is just homophobic?

but i. also kind of wonder if lqg is gay and in love with sqq? and is just putting up the “such deep love doesn’t exist” thing because he really doesn’t want sqq to know

there was that whole line where the succubus was like “well you’re not his soulmate you don’t know” and it made me think

on the other hand i can’t really see lqg liking sqq that way; they seem to have more of a Bro Bond

then again lqg does keep fighting binghe for sqq’s sake

either headcanon is fun! i’d be excited for more insight into lqg in general i think

[40sbarnes]

Medici: Spymasters of Florence

Chapter 8: Two Birds, One Stone

Part 8!! Lorenzo’s pov chapter already, I just felt like it really fit this chapter! I hope you enjoy it and that I did our mans justice, I honestly found it kinda difficult but we all love a challenge! Next chapter will be your POV again <3

Pairings; Lorenzo x reader, lil bit Francesco x reader (returning soon lol)

Tag list; @brynthebulldozer @mythicalamphitrite @nana035 @valravnsraven @hannahhistorian92

Also the idea for a lorenzo pov was all from @nana035 so ty for the suggestion and for all the support!!

Credit again to @heyrowena for the beautiful picture and all your help with his chapter!!

For the first time I'd seen, you were calm. You didn't seem to be perpetually waiting to strike, your features were more relaxed than I've ever had the fortune to witness. You didn't carry the pain and stress from yesterday, the image now carved in my brain of you shaking on my window, covered in blood. I can't fathom that you killed for me, I'm aware it wasn't exactly your choice but the thought still brings me a strange sense of pride. In all honestly, I was waiting for you to betray me, unveil a mastermind plan in which Pazzi knew about us all along. I was planning my counters, while still trying to use your aid to the best of my ability, but clearly I was over paranoid. The part of me with lesser sense had an inkling that you were loyal to me, that I was more agreeable for you than Pazzi, but that could also be put down to money. On the subject, I wonder how much you'll try squeeze me for the assassination. I suppose I'll have to pay it. You've proven by now that you're worth it.

My eyes trailed from you deep in your slumber to my own lap. The parchment you took a life for now resting on my knee. It wasn't precisely the deal I had imagined Pazzi was attempting to animate with Orsini, but it wasn't any better. He had dirt on Orsini, nothing too out of the ordinary for a Florentine Pope, but he wouldn't want it to get out nonetheless, and so Jacopo was planning on using it to gain his vote. Orsini had stolen money from the church to pay a debt, and Pazzi was blackmailing him with the threat of realising the information to the public. Orsini's vote would definitely sway others of the Priori, precisely why mother wished me to marry Clarice. But even if she had agreed I do not imagine it would be of much assistance now. Lucky for us, we have the money to replace what Orsini stole, and I imagine that combined with a warning of Jacopo's intentions will gain me Orsini's favour. I know what you had to do for this information was hard, but you're strong, and it was worth it.

"Lorenzo!" My mother's voice tore through my uplifted mood. "It's important!" She continued her yelling through the door when I failed to answer. I didn't wish to leave you unattended, but it would only further raise suspicions if I holed up inside my room all day. One last glance over you to ensure you were still alright, and I slipped through the door, careful not to open it too wide.

"You look terrible," Mother immediately insulted me. My eyes shot up to the ceiling, then to a vase in the hallway, trying my absolute hardest to let the comment slide.

"Thank you, mother," I couldn't help it.

"Why aren't you dressed? You have a visitor waiting," she scolded, attempting to fix my hair. I swatted her hand away half-heartedly, more focused on her words.

"Visitor?"

"Clarice Orsini," she smirked, raising her eyebrows.

Clarice? I was certain that had fallen through already. It didn't matter anyways, I didn't have much use for her now.

"What is the matter with you this morning? Go and get dressed, quickly!" She pointed towards my door, and I did as she said, confused. Should I continue with the proposal? Could it do me any good? I tried to imagine her links but I couldn't think of any opportunity. So how do I kindly rescind my statement from the other night? I don't have the energy for this. We had so much to sort out after last night, marriage seemed trivial now.

Your eyes fluttered open as I re-entered, clearly not closing the door as gently as I thought. "How are you feeling?" I questioned, although I couldn't gage your reaction as I quickly began dressing myself in clean clothes.

"Like stealing your bed linen," you groaned, turning over to lay on your back.

I couldn't keep the smile off my face at your words, I had never quite considered that my linen was something to be thankful for until I had visited you in your own abode. "They're yours," turning to face you, your eyes already watching me, "a starting payment for last night," I continued grinning as I fastened my shirt, but your smile faded. Too soon?

You stood up out of bed, my plain shirt acting as an underdress for you. "I really am sorry, Lorenzo." Your gaze met mine, moving but never breaking as you studied me intently.

"No need for an apology," I fumbled with the buttons on my jacket, not wanting to break eye contact, "that's the last time I'm saying that."

Your fingers fell onto mine, pushing them out of the way to do the buttons for me. Something so simple, yet I hated it.

"Okay," you took your time choosing your words, "no apologies, but we still have to discuss it."

I lifted my chin, looking upwards now as you finished with my jacket. "And we will. When I'm back."

"Back?" You questioned, bitterness sleeping into your tone.

"The Orsini girl is downstairs. I won't be long," I tried to explain, but it was obvious you didn't have much patience this morning.

"I thought you said-" you began, but I knew where you were going. You finished up with the buttons and stood away from me.

"The visit was unexpected. I was certain she didn't wish to marry. She still couldn't. But she's been waiting long enough," I informed, but it didn't change your pout. I would be irritated too if the man I'd murdered for last night pushed me to the back of his schedule, but I thought you were smarter than that.

"Well good luck," you sighed, before heading for the window. I wish you'd stop doing that.

"Y/n," I grabbed your hand before you'd gone too far, "I shan't be long. Please wait here for me. You need some rest and it's just easier."

Your face became serious, your lips tugging upwards as you nodded.

"Thank you, lock the door after me," I brought your hand up to my lips, placing a kiss onto your knuckles, before letting it go and leaving my room again. I don't know why I did that, I wasn't even thinking really. It was a just a force of habit. It had to be.

I shook my head as I made my way throughout the house, as if it would erase the memory. I couldn't bring myself to look at your reaction, I can't help but imagine your look of disgust. We never acted civil towards each other, I guess you gained some respect last night and it's confused me. It won't happen again.

"Messer Medici," Clarice's voice grounded me. She was standing in the lobby, graceful as ever.

"Madonna," I greeted her, taking her hand to repeat my earlier actions with you, this time feeling normal. She smiled as she returned her hand to her side.

"Please," I motioned to my study, leading her in, closing the door behind us. I felt myself fighting a smile as I remembered my first encounter with you here, and just how serious your threats against my life were.

"What may I do for you, Clarice?" I asked, sitting in my own chair across from her.

"I think we both know why I'm here," she glanced down at her hands in her lap, an air of sadness around her, clearly visible through her smile.

"After our last conversation, I can't say I do."

"I've had some time to consider. I spoke to Father Carlo, and I've realised that I can still achieve good through this path," she nodded, looking up at me as if for my approval.

"Clarice, we both know this isn't what you truly want," I don't know why I was dissuading her so heavily. I can imagine my mother’s reaction, but I don't need this marriage anymore. No matter mother’s pleas of how it would help my position even without the vote, I really didn't wish for marriage. I never had, but particularly now it left a bad taste in my mouth.

"With respect, Messer, you don't know what I want," Clarice's shyness had dissipated, "you don't know me at all."

"Exactly," I agreed, she was making my point for me. Frankly, I felt this was a waste of time at this point. I needed to talk to you, y/n.

"No, Lorenzo, you're not-" I was quickly growing tired of this.

"Clarice. I shouldn't have spoken to you on the balcony that night. I was unaware of your aspirations, and truly thought that this marriage would benefit us both. Since, I have spoken to our mutual friend Carlo and realised how wrong I was. I believe life is too short to marry without reason, without purpose," the lies were like honey from my lips at this point. But Clarice had a taste for them.

"I agree," she nodded. "But don't think I am stupid Lorenzo." My eyebrows furrowed, what could she be referring to?

"I don't, not for a moment."

She chuckled, looking at the ground, her hair falling over her shoulder. "I know why you've had the sudden change of heart. And it's not for me."

There was no fathomable way she could know of Pazzi and the Orsinis? Not even Orsini himself knew yet, I had hoped.

"Your heart belongs to another," the words froze me. I laughed at her implication, but worry set in.

"You know not of which you speak," I told her, trying to figure out how she even knew you existed, and why she thought you owned my heart. She was sorely mistaken, but it was probably better to let her believe we were having an affair than the truth, for both our sakes. You had mentioned you had spied on her yourself one day, maybe she'd made a connection then? Surely you were better than to have been seen by her? My head was spinning.

"Oh, really?" She continued to laugh in my face. "People speak, more than you think, Lorenzo. I know about you and Ardinghelli's wife, I'm surprised he doesn't." Lucrezia. She was talking about Lucrezia. Of course. My mind only wandered to you because you were upstairs. Of course. Fine. I'd work this angle.

"Clarice, I'm sorry..." I hung my head, really selling it.

"No, I am, Lorenzo. You made a promise to me you couldn't keep. I knew that then and I'm sure of it now," Clarice stood up, I rose with her. "Goodbye." She left before I could even make my way around the desk. I sunk back into my chair. Lucrezia... I was supposed to see her last night before everything. She wouldn't be happy.

Mother walked into the room, looking backwards as she did, presumably at Clarice. "So?" She pushed. I just shook my head no, earning a sigh from her, before she began her lecture.

—-

Three knocks and no answer. My hood was pulled all the way up, eyes down in hopes that made me less recognisable. Once I had finished disappointing my mother I had rushed out, needing to see Lucrezia and try and apologise. She never was the forgiving type. I felt bad making you wait but you needed the sleep regardless, it would probably do you more good than anything else.

"Go away, Lorenzo," Lucrezia seethed at me through the closed door.

"Please, just let me in," I begged, head resting on the wooden door.

"I don't want to hear it," she continued, she could be so irritating.

"I can make it worth your while?" I bargained, glancing around.

The door opened a crack, and Lucrezia peered through the opening. "I said go away."

"Lucrezia," was all I said, leaving the rest of the work to my face.

She sighed, before opening the door, "You better have a good excuse." The best. But I couldn't tell her.

"I had so much business to deal with last night, time just slipped by and I didn't even notice until-"

"Cut it, Lorenzo. I'm tired of this," I stood awkwardly apart from her, not knowing what to do. "I know you plan on marrying Clarice Orsini."

I laughed at her words. My first mistake.

"You think it's funny?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Lucrezia, come on, you're married." She was being a hypocrite.

"It's different Lorenzo, you know it is."

"How? And I'm not even marrying her!" I raised my voice, I shouldn't have even come here. I had left you in my room without food or water after the past few days you'd been through, Lucrezia clearly wasn't going to listen to me anyways.

"Then why did she come to me yesterday?" She continued to push.

"We were considering it," I admitted, "but it's not happening. She just left a half hour ago."

Lucrezia snorted, "She left? So you were with her last night?"

"Oh my- I don't have time for this, Lucrezia," I couldn't believe how ridiculous she was being. I just wanted to go back to you. I had enough messes already.

"You don't have time?" She scoffed. "Well I won't waste another minute of your precious time," she crossed the room the door, opening it for me.

"You know that's not what I meant." I began, but I'd already gone too far.

"Then what did you mean, exactly?" Her band sat on her hip, she was furious

For once, I didn't have an answer.

"Get out, Lorenzo, now." Her voice was stern.

"Lucrezia, please-"

"I mean it."

——

It was one thing after another. I was almost relieved to be able to just talk with you about your murder. At least it wouldn't end with a fight, I hope. I scribbled a note for Orsini when I arrived home, sending a messenger off before I ascended the stairs to you. Hopefully he would have better luck delivering it than the Pazzi's boy.

I glanced around, ensuring no one was looking, before knocking lightly on my own bedroom door. No answer.

"Y/n," my voice quiet, desperate to not raise suspicion. Still no answer. My hand fell to the doorknob, twisting it open with ease. Why would you have forgotten to lock it?

I entered the room, a light chill passing through my body, the window open and my shirt laid out on the bed. I wish I could've been surprised.