#I had to include the night circus because I only bought it because of her recomendation

[lanawinterscigarettes]

Random characters with a reader who plays Five Nights at Freddy's

Characters included: Allison Reynolds, Phoebe Buffay, Remy "Thirteen" Hadley, Gomez! Master/Missy

Warnings: gender neutral reader, multiple mentions of the survival horror game Five Nights at Freddy (no spoilers for any of the games though)

A/N: I was finally able to get the fnaf core collection from Walmart that I've been eyeing for like a year and while I've temporarily put aside my Nintendo switch so I won't keep getting the shit scared out of me I decided to write something with some of my favorite characters because a) I want to and b) I can. Is this a niche concept? Yes, but so are all the characters I've chosen for this (and I've only just realized they're all women but I refuse to apologize for it)

Allison Reynolds

She already knew about the game before you told her. In a modern au (which is what this is) she's definitely the weird kid that's obsessed with fnaf, nightcore, creepypasta, etc.

Owns all of the games, including several books and plushies. You're not sure whether they were gifts or if she bought them herself (or if she stole them)

Loves to watch you play, always letting out a small shriek followed by excited giggles whenever you get jumpscared. She's incredibly good, often winning even the most difficult nights on the first try

Watches lore videos and gameplays on YouTube with you while snuggled up in her bed (Matpat and Markiplier are obviously her favorites)

If she knows you have a favorite character she'll go out of her way to get something with them for you. Her favorite character is Marionette/The Puppet

Phoebe Buffay

She saw some of your fnaf stuff and innocently asked what it was from, not knowing your cute little plushies had such a dark backstory

It scares the hell out of her at first, but in a good way. She likes watching you play while cheering you on from the sidelines, occasionally asking questions or swearing at one of the characters when they jumpscare you

Eventually she ends up trying it out for herself, doing surprisingly good from all the times she watched you. Until she ran out of power, that is, and was immediately killed

Probably ends up writing a song about it and singing it at the coffee shop, much to everyone's dismay

"There was once a purple guy who watched children die, they were stuffed in a metal suit and no one knows why-"

Also her favorites are Bonnie and Monty Gator because they play the guitar like her and she automatically thinks they're really cool just because of that

Remy "Thirteen" Hadley

Another ex weird kid who played the games for sure. She's also a champ at them, and will usually give you pointers whenever she watches you play

The type to have serious discussions with you over the lore at any time or place, regardless of whether it's the right environment or not. One time you were talking about it at the hospital during lunch and Kutner overheard. Poor guy was traumatized

Her favorites are Circus Baby and Michael Afton because of how much she strangely relates to them. Springtrap is her worst enemy and she will make it known at any possible time she can bring it up. She hates him so much that whenever she plays the third game it's just her swearing at him the entire time

She also hates Balloon Boy (who doesn't) but it's less of a visceral hatred and more of a "Oh great, this guy again"

Like I said before, she's a champ at them BUT she's also incredibly competitive and will rage quit if she loses more than two times in a row

Gomez! Master/Missy

"Humans are so cute, aren't they? Actively seeking out things that scare them, then acting surprised when they get frightened" <- her exact words when she saw you playing the game for the first time and after you explained it to her

In all honesty, while she does find it cute in a slightly condescending way, she feels like that for pretty much anything humans are interested in, so I wouldn't take it personally

The lore both fascinates and delights her, and she could spend hours listening to you explain it. In fact, I'd go so far as to say she likes that more than the actual games themself

That's not to say that she doesn't enjoy watching you play, because she does. Something about the adrenaline rush and the need to last until six o'clock followed by getting jumpscared out of nowhere is thrilling to her. She might even ask to play herself if she's in a good enough mood, though she will throw a small tantrum if she loses just an FYI

Ballora is her favorite- why? I think it's because of how eery she is. Like, she's somewhat of a mother figure, but there's something off about her. Also it's just the vibes man idk

End notes: sorry for this random fnaf centric post, I just love it so much and needed to integrate it in with my writing

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[starlitangels]

Thank you! I honestly just love rambling about my dice lol—I love mine and I love other people's!

Isn't the Toothless bag adorable! My husband got a blue bag with a gold Triforce from Zelda embroidered from the same booth at the convention but I saw Toothless and went "Pwease??? *puppy dog eyes*" and we bought it lol I have another dice bag that holds all my basic dice that I loan to friends with "If the DM smiles, it's already too late" embroidered into it

Yeah my liquid core ones look similar!

Yeah, half-mermaid in a Viking-themed campaign. Half-mermaid obviously isn't an official race, but I homebrewed the race stat sheet years ago and when my current DM announced the Viking-themed game I sent him the race sheet and went "Please can I be this race?!" and he was like "That fits so well. Do it!" And I did it.

I have a little bit scattered around about that character on this blog... I drew her with a bit of her backstory here and here (<- Links)(The second one is baaad because I was still very new to drawing after a long time of not drawing at all.)

The long story short of her is:

Her name is Maelia Aria Ptolian (the P is silent so it's pronounced Toll-ee-an). She is a Level 15 College of Lore Bard (I have 2 melee boys in my party. I can be a a spellcaster-concentrated bard). She is 26-27 years old, 5'4" with hair and a tail so dark purple they're black at first glance. Her eyes are also purple. She is fair-skinned—and her freckles are bioluminescent.

She does not have darkvision because of this. Her kind light up their underwater cities with their own natural light so they don't need it. When she needs to be stealthy she ties a bandana around her face (the freckles on her shoulders are almost always covered by her clothing and armor)

She has a 40ft swim speed but only a 20ft walking speed for a Medium creature because her mermaid-tail spine bones don't like magically fusing into human leg bones and she's in chronic pain whenever she walks. (The rest of my party has 35ft base speed and up. I drive them crazy lol)

She got abducted from the ocean at the age of 7 and sold into a circus. She doesn't remember her life in the ocean. The circus owner was very abusive to everyone in the circus, including her.

His son was the only thing that kept her alive. He would sneak into the small side-show tent with her tank inside the owner didn't know she could have legs and mermaids are more novelty than a mermaid in human form anyway and bring her food, clean her tank, teach her how to speak Common, teach her to walk, all that jazz.

His name is Shay which yes I did just yoink directly from Siren's Son ASMR's pirate captain character leave me alone. He's three years older than her. So when she was 7 and abducted, he was 10.

Anyway, she's in captivity for 6 years, getting beaten by Shay's father. It gets worse as she gets older and Shay's father realizes her voice has magic in it aka she can cast Charm Person once per day without using a spell slot lol

When she's 13 and Shay is 16, Shay's had enough of his father's cruelty. He burns the circus tents and frees as many of the captives as he can before he sets Maelia's tent on fire, scoops her out of the murky water of her tank, and takes off running into the night.

They make it to the shore and Shay sets her in the water and tells her to leave. She begs him to come with, but he can't survive in the frigid waters long-term. They're about to get found by adult circus workers who were searching, so Shay dives into the water and Maelia grabs him and they swim around the shoreline until they make it to the proper harbor, where Maelia deposits him in a rowboat attached to a merchant ship and climbs in with him to hide. They stay there together until morning when the crew of the merchant ship (The Thunder God's Rage) find them.

The captain never had children of his own but always wanted children so he takes them in. Especially because Maelia is a terrified, skinny-from-malnourishment child and Shay is a strong, muscular young man who can help out on the ship.

They spend a long time together on the ship. Shay ends up becoming a Fighter to keep up with the fact that Maelia's becoming a bard by her own talent.

When Maelia is 18 and Shay is 21, he finally confesses his feelings for her. They get together and spend the next 5 years happy.

When she's 23 and he's 26, the ship gets attacked by other Vikings. Maelia, as a bard with lower HP than a fighter, is the first to go down. The last thing she saw as she passed out was the other ship's captain swinging a sword at Shay's head.

When she wakes up, Shay is gone and in the pandemonium, no one saw where he went or what happened to him. To this day, she still has no idea whether he's alive or not and she's still searching for him.

Also, back when she was 18 and newly together with Shay, the village where The Thunder God's Rage is based out of got attacked while she was there and she ended up trying to defend it with two younger teenage boys—who turn out to be reunited with her 8-9 years later as her party members! (My husband's paladin/warlock and our friend's ranger) But they've all changed so much that none of them really recognize each other lol (the ranger got stuck in Alfheim for like 40 years while only 8-9 years passed for Maelia and he's now like 55 and she last saw him when he was 15)(the paladin/warlock also has amnesia and he went from 6'6" to 7'8" because he's a Goliath and currently thinks he's the mortal reincarnation of the god Tyr. He's actually a dhampir lol)

So that's my bard!

@sojutsu As requested, my favorite DnD dice! Pictures don’t do some of them justice so I made a little video! “Little,” she says while pretending the video isn’t 20 minutes long /s

Originally I intended for this video to just be public but while it was uploading I decided to make it just an unlisted bonus video for Tumblr peeps. Because I also mention my husband a couple times and don’t really want to talk about him much on my channel if I can help it because people on YT can be quite weird about RP creators being in relationships and idk why but Tumblr already knows about him. Which is why at the end I’m talking like I assume no one has context for my friendship with Frenchie lol

Anyway enjoy my dice!

[fishmongeringstudies]

the year i turned twenty i stopped waiting for someone to save my life and started eating more vegetables

in the winter of 2018 i got a root canal done on the molar in the upper left-hand corner of my mouth. it had been on the verge of death for a while now; two years prior to that a visiting government-sponsored school dentist had taken a look at it, frowned, and then spent the next two hours wheedling all the rot out of that tiny black hole with a drill. unfortunately the solution he imposed was both extremely painful and temporary, and so two years after the initial incident i found myself once again at the dentist's (this time at a clinic; school dentists don't like to deal with the extra-gritty stuff and are not paid enough to do so). they stuck a needle in my gum, numbed three-quarters of my mouth, then drilled a hole through the center of my tooth and ripped the withering shred of nerve-tissue right out of it.

my dentist helpfully explained all of the above to me during our consultation session in the same office in which he would rip the top half of my tooth off a week later. he was a balding, smiling man whose speech did not, unlike many medical professionals i had met over the years, have an edge of condescension to it. i liked him. i would have liked him more were he not planning to essentially castrated my tooth.

several weeks later i went to another dentist who specialized in helping people in post-root canal limbo, and she stuck a shiny metal crown on what was left of my molar. we then scheduled a series of check-ups to ensure that the crown had not flown off its liege while i attacked an ice cube or something similarly bad for my teeth and mental health, which stretched on for so long that she became, more or less, my primary dental care physician. at first the check-ups were a month apart. then two. time passed. her hair grew longer and our conversations less awkward; she was beautiful and snarky and looked like she would shoot god without hesitation if he stepped into range of her gun. she wore her hair short, red tinged with gold, in a pixie-cut that fell over half of one eye. for a while i thought i was in love with her.

'do you floss?' she asked me on my second check-up.

'no,' i said.

'well.' she broke off a length of dental floss and began to wind it around her fingers. it looked like a death threat and she looked ready to kill, though her eyes were smiling. 'you should.'

for the first year after having an utterly destroyed tooth brought back from the brink of death via a grisly temporary solution that would, at best, buy me one or two decades of peace, i didn't. i didn't floss because when she did it for me in her tiny examination room my gums bled so much it took hours for me to wash the bitter taste of iron out of my mouth. blood is a nice concept and a nicer motif in writing. but it smells awful, and it's worst on the tongue. so i didn't floss my teeth, and i went through life with the kind of casual detached disinterest with which i had approached most things up until then. at my next check-up she asked once again if i had been flossing and i lied that i had. after poking and prodding around in my mouth for a few minutes and taking a scan for good measure she gave me a look and said dryly, 'you haven't been flossing at all, have you.'

disappointing your parents, your favorite high school english teacher, or even your best friend is nothing compared to the sheer embarrassment that comes from knowing your beautiful dentist asked you to do the bare minimum, and you failed to deliver. her voice was arid but we had known each other for long enough by then for me to detect a thin undercurrent of disappointment. i had done it. i had lost the support of the only person in my life who could be counted on to support me. because i paid her for her services. and she was also very funny in a quiet sarcastic way. and she was beautiful.

having had my ego wounded beyond description i resolved to floss from then on and succeeded in dragging my poor aching gums past the bleeding stage to a point where they were merely post-workout sore. then i lost interest and forgot about the white, sterile-smelling clinic that was a fifteen minutes' drive from my house and the little pack of dental floss on the bathroom counter faded into obscurity. two weeks before my next appointment in 2020, an alarm on my phone went off to inform me of the approaching day of judgment. i panicked.

'have you been flossing?' my dentist asked as i lay back in the faded green chair and she put on a pair of new gloves.

'yeah,' i said.

five minutes later, she removed her army of dentistry equipment from my mouth with a satisfied hum. 'i see that you have.' her eyes were smiling. 'your teeth look fine. i'll just clean them a little for you.'

i celebrated impressing my favorite dentistry professional in singapore by forgetting to floss for the next two months. soon after that i got on a plane to america, and then two more for good measure in case i hadn't grown sick of sitting and burning in my own skin already, and then twelve weeks of insanity ensued, the details of which we are surely all acquainted with by now. late nights, walks in the forest, afternoons spent in the sun. mismatched footsteps and strange acquaintances. an elaborate circus act staffed entirely by misguided but well-meaning teenagers. a ring of fire.

two weeks ago i bought a box of dental floss for ninety-nine cents. i think this might be what the anthropologists call 'adulthood'. i was at target with a friend and we were getting toothpaste, which we had both nearly run out of, when i saw the little flat box of dental floss hanging from a hook on the wall. my teeth weren't particularly disgusting (they haven't been, not since i learned how to brush them properly), but they weren't beautiful. it had been a while since i had been on my own mind. for the last three months, others' pain had been my main priority, and now that we had eliminated most of them from the picture, i found myself with more time in the mornings to stare at myself in the mirror and wonder how, exactly, i was doing.

how are you doing? i asked. and the answer was i felt like shit.

while i've stayed in dormitories before for extended periods of time i always got out of doing laundry by either submitting my dirty clothes to an on-campus service which disappeared them into a hole in the fabric of reality and returned them to you a day later, cleaned and folded outside your room so the first time i did laundry by myself in america, a week after arriving on campus, i felt invincible. buying an iced chai from the cafe on a thursday morning and then settling down to work on my laptop until my first class started at noon, i felt like a character in a career advisory ad, like someone who knew where they were going and how they were going to get there. standing in front of the bathroom mirror of my summer dorm, winding a strand of dental floss around my fingers, i felt like i had aged fifteen years in the span of just one, and that just this once, it was for the better.

according to my adult friends, no one ever fully feels or recognizes that they are an adult. adulthood is an ideal that all grown children strive towards the way body-builders aim for more and more muscle mass until there's nothing left of them but a pair of well-toned biceps. there are several industry-approved ways to be an adult, but there are no suggested ways to feel like one. this is part of the gaping maw of inadequacy our generation has fallen into. this afternoon i melted butter in a pan and beat two eggs, milk, salt, and garlic powder together in a bowl. pouring the egg mixture into the pan i began to scrape the edges frantically towards the center with a spatula. the whole process took no longer than two or three minutes. by the end of it my hand was shaking.

according to my adult friends you just wake up one day and start looking for ways to re-organize your pantry and that's when you realize: i'm getting old, aren't i? and i'm getting old, aren't i? twenty's just the start of what a friend recently told me her parents refer to as 'the decade of pain'. but the beginning of something is included in the timeline of its accomplishments, too, and it takes more blind faith to start something than we give ourselves credit for. i have never used a saucepan up until today. in my younger years i often boiled broccoli or cauliflower in a small pot over an electric stove. but the butter, the eggs, the smell of fat sizzling on a pan- this is new to me. this entire life is new to me.

leaving the familiar warmth of your family home, it suddenly occurs to you how fragile life is. how everything your mother has done for you until now has kept you on the path forward, and now you have been given the keys to the basement you have to remember to buy laundry detergent before you run out. it all comes together like this: the humming laundry machines, the hand towels, the fridge full of fruit and cheese. it keeps you alive.

and it's awful. our generation doesn't know what self-care is because we're too busy trying to care for a world which tries, time and again, to kick us off the carousel of life and move on without its ephemeral teenage charges. we are bad at this 'living' thing because we often forget that we are alive at all. look out the window and the world's burning. look into the kitchen, and- quiet. this past year has done nothing to improve the paintings on the wall. we've all known hopelessness. we've all known what it's like to wake up and feel nothing at all.

and yet my flatmate has a new york times cooking subscription that she says we're welcome to borrow if we want to look up a recipe for something like paella, brownies, whatever. the other day she made shrimp scampi and when she knocked on my door and said 'i made food, if you'd like some' i remember thinking living with other people was worth it if you could sit around a table and twirl pasta noodles around your fork in silence. tomorrow i think i'll go to target again and see if i can find more acai. i miss it. i miss singapore's overpriced acai places and their stupid too-high chairs.

and i am living life clumsily, but who cares? a life is a life; all you have to do is live it. the rest can come later, after the dust has settled on the windowsill.

06.09.21

[iliveiloveiwrite]

What are some good book recommendations? I’ll be honest, I’ve never considered myself very much of a reader because I’ve never really found a genre that I’ve fallen in love with. But your taste in books is rather beautiful and makes me want to give it another chance

omg no-one has ever called my taste in books beautiful before, thank you 🥺 This is going to be an extensive list, I apologise in advance! I’ve provided a brief description of each book/series so you can go through and decide whether it would best suit you. The last thing I want to do is inadvertently trigger anyone.

Fantasy/Paranormal Romance

Wicked by Jennifer L. Armentrout - A series of three books following the life of Ivy Morgan. Good fae, evil fae, secret orders and a love interest with dark hair and green eyes. 18+.

Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas - A series comprising of seven books and one book of novellas. This series follows the assassin Celeana Sardothien as she enters into a competition to become the King’s Champion. This series is violent, and has some distressing scenes as well as scenes of 17+.

Crave by Tracy Wolff - I like to think of this as Twilight if it took place in a boarding school in the middle of Alaska. For those that read Twilight in high school, or have recently read it, this book is a hit of nostalgia you didn't know you needed. It is so entertaining and the love interests are *chefs kiss*.

A Touch of Darkness by Scarlett St. Clair - A series comprising of three books so far. A modern retelling of the famous Hades and Persephone myth. I adore this series. I seriously cannot tell you how much I love this series. The world building to the character development to my love of Hades by the end of it. It’s such a great read, I even waxed lyrical about it in one of my Fred Weasley fics. 18+ (scenes of mature nature).

A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness - Like history? Like vampires, witches and demons? This series is for you. A trilogy following the love shared by Diana Bishop, a historian and witch, and Matthew Clairmont, scientist and vampire. This series is for mature readers - it doesn't hold back on violence as well as sex. However, if you choose to read, I promise you, you will enjoy. It is also a series on Sky with a second series being aired in January (in the UK anyway). 18+

Stalking Jack the Ripper by Kerri Maniscalco - A series of four books following the lives of Audrey-Rose Wadsworth and Thomas Cresswell. Set in Victorian London, the first book follows the Jack the Ripper investigation ending on a cliffhanger not even I saw coming. This does get maturer as you continue the series and there are some gruesome scenes throughout. 16+

From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout - What can I say about this series that I haven’t already cried about? I bought the first book in lockdown and devoured it. I bought the second book about a week after it was published and it has not left my mind since. World building? Astonishing. Character development? Stunning. Handsome love interest? You best believe it. This isn't YA Fantasy; this is NA and it is mature. There are scenes throughout both books that are violent as well as mature. 18+.

Heartless by Marissa Meyer - The origin story of the Queen of Hearts and with no better way to put it... it’s heartbreaking. This book had my heart soaring only for it to be crushed in the best way possible. An incredible read. There are some violent scenes but it’s YA so it’s at a minimum. 15/16+.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Earnshaw - I read this book in one day. I could not put it down, I loved it so much. This books follows three sisters set on a quest for revenge - and how love may be the only thing powerful enough to stop them. 16+.

Historical Fiction 

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller - Patroclus, an awkward young prince has been exiled to the kingdom of Pthia where he meets Achilles. Follow them through their coming of age tale through the Battle of Troy. So I adore this book, I love this book. I could talk about it all day long. It’s fantastic - go read it. LGBT+, 17+.

Lovely War by Julia Berry - A multi-layered romance set in the perilous days of World War One and Two, where Gods hold the fates - and hearts - of mortals in their hands. Oh... my... word... this book left me speechless. It left me speechless. I couldn’t not finish in the day that it arrived on my doorstep; it’s prose is poetic, it’s romance is dreamy and I just found myself tearing up at the words on the page. 17+

The Disappearances by Emily Bain Murphy - Every seven years something goes missing from the town of Sterling: people’s reflections, the stars in the sky, the ability to dream. Aila realises her mother may have something to do with such a curse. Again, I read this in a day. I couldn’t put it down. It’s set through WW2 and I just think the plot is genius. 15+.

Prose that makes me want to cry

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern - I read this for the first time back in 2014 and have read it so often since that I have had to buy a second copy so I don’t ruin the pages of my first. I LOVE THIS BOOK. It follows the creation of a circus that only opens from night until dawn and how this circus weaves itself into the lives of its workers/owners. An absolute masterpiece. 16+.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab - This book has been one of my most anticipated releases of 2020, and it has not disappointed. When Addie LaRue makes a pact with the devil, she trades her soul for immortality and the curse of no-one remembering who she ever was. Until one day, somebody does. Every part of this book, I savoured, I made myself read it slowly for the fact that I didn't want to miss a thing. Utterly breathtaking. 18+.

We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson - Anything by Jackson deserves to be on this list. It drags you in and keeps you there. Why do you think they made a Netflix series of her work? 16+.

The Bloody Chamber by Angela Carter - This is a collection of short stories that are dark retellings of classic fairytales. It is so utterly fantastic. 18+.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid - Definitely in my top 10 reads of 2020. A former Hollywood starlette tells her life story to a reporter; every seedy detail of her life including that of her seven husbands. I was hooked from the first page. 18+.

18+ (This section can be ignored if this genre of books is not your thing).

A Lesson in Thorns by Sierra Simone - When librarian Poe Markham takes the job at Thornchapel, she has only two aims. One - to stay away from Thornchapel’s owner, Auden Guest. And Two, to find out what happened to her mother twelve years ago. This is a series comprising of three books so far with the fourth published at the end of this week. This series covers a lot of dark themes as well as mature content. 

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas - I have only involved this series here for the fact that it does have a lot of smut involved. Not as much as other books, but a lot more than your typical YA. However, these books are gold and so far this year, I’ve read the whole series about six times. I love them, go read them. 

A Touch of Darkness by Scarlett St. Clair - I mentioned this series earlier but it does have a lot of smut.

Pestilence by Laura Thalassa - The first in the Four Horsemen series. This has a lot of violence and a lot of smut. However, the overall plot is so interesting as well as badass female characters that bring so much energy to the plot. 

The Bargainer series by Laura Thalassa - If you’ve read ACOTAR, then this series is the perfect hangover cure. A love interest to swoon for and a plot to only keep you interested.

Authors I buy every book of

Cassandra Clare

Sarah J. Maas

Jennifer L. Armentrout

Scarlett St. Clair

Deborah Harkness

Kerri Maniscalco

[randomly-a-fan]

When MJ first encountered IT (Pt. 2)

Pt. 1

It was a rough day, since Lily was still upset over her boat. “Lily, I know you’re upset, but I promise I’ll buy you a new one; you bought it at a DollarStore, right?” MJ asked. “I ordered it off eBay... It came all the way from Japan!” Lily exclaimed in anger before she went to her motel room. MJ teared up as she was to blame for losing the boat. “Maybe I should have grabbed the boat from that sewer clown.” MJ thought to herself before she gets herself ready for bed.

Meanwhile, over at the old house called the Neibolt House, Pennywise was pondering over the thought of the women having an ability to encounter him. There is something about MJ that made her so... child-like. “If I focus on her young ones, we’ll see where we go from there...” Then he made a happy chuckle as he was looking at the wooden boat.

***

In the middle of the night, MJ was having trouble sleeping because of her mom’s snores. So she thought of walking around outside for a bit until she feels tired again. When she got outside, she heard circus music; she thought it was her imagination, telling her that she needed to get some sleep. But as she turned around, she saw the same clown from the sewer, he even grabbed her by the neck. “Can’t sleep, sweet MJ? Maybe you’ll feel better if you have your niece’s boat back, right?” Pennywise asked. MJ couldn’t speak, she was so scared that she had no choice but to kick him in the groin. That made Pennywise groan in pain as he was putting pressure on his... balloons. “That’s what you get, pervert!” MJ yelled as she rushed back into her bedroom. Then she woke up her parents. “DAD, MOM, there’s a pervert clown outside!!” MJ screamed. Her dad got up quickly and grabbed something long and hard to defend himself and his family, while MJ’s mom called the police.

When her dad looked outside, no one was there. When the police came, they saw no trace of any clown around the area. So her dad Aaron spoke severely to his daughter. “Makayla, why the Hell were you outside? Don’t you know it’s dangerous for a women like you to wander about this late at night?” Aaron asked. “Mom was snoring so loudly that it’s driving me nuts... So I went out for a walk, and that’s when I spotted... IT...” MJ said in fear. “You’ve probably just imagined that so called pervert clown, goober-lips, now go back to sleep.” MJ’s mother said. MJ obeyed and decided to try to sleep it through, but it was pointless; not just because of her mom’s loud snores, but mainly the thought of that clown. She knew that she have to keep her nieces and nephews safe.

***

After days of being cautious, it was finally the day she’s been waiting for; for her and her family to take a train ride home. MJ immediately packed her things, she could not wait to get the hell away from Derry, and away from that mysterious clown. After her bags were packed, her dad told her that her brother took her nieces and nephews out for a walk; Over at Neibolt Street. MJ was exhausted from packing, but she didn’t want to argue with her dad either, so she decided to head to that direction. 

When MJ noticed her brother, she was shocked to see that her nephews and nieces weren’t with him. “John, where’s Matthew, Arnold, Lily and Kate?” MJ asked. “Over at that old house, Kate was going after the balloon that floated in there and I didn’t want to go in there.” John explained. MJ face-palmed by her brother’s carelessness; but it wasn’t his fault, he too was diagnosed with autism, just like his little sister (MJ) only she is smarter and more independent. So she rushed over to where her brother pointed. The sign clearly says ‘Keep Out’. “Dang it, you little risk takers are in so much trouble...” MJ said while grumbling.

So MJ entered in while feeling nervous. “Matthew... Arnold... Lily...” MJ whispered loudly, but she heard nothing. Then she heard a noise, it was coming from the broken well. “Matthew?!” MJ called down. Then she heard a scream. “I’m coming!” MJ yelled down as she bravely climbed down the rope. “MJ!” One of the kids called out. MJ followed the noise and saw Arnold badly injured. “Arnold! What happened?” MJ asked while observing his wounds. “...Clown...” Arnold gasped. “Oh my God... Where are the others?” MJ asked in panic. Arnold pointed at the direction towards the tower of trash. 

After getting Arnold out of harm’s way, she saw Matthew and Lily searching about. “Matthew, Lily!” MJ rushed over to them. “MJ!” They both said as they rushed over and hugged their aunt. “What’s the big idea, entering the old house and going down the well?” MJ asked disappointingly. “It wasn’t intentional; Kate was running over to the balloon that floated into the house, we tried to get her back, but then Arnold fell into the well, and we woke up here!” Matthew explained. MJ nearly fainted, after to what she just heard. “Well, where is Kate?” MJ asked. Matthew and Lily stared at each other before answering their aunt’s question. “The clown took her...” Lily said. 

Before MJ could do or say anything, she heard music. “Oh no... He’s back...” Lily said. “Stay close... he’ll have to go through me to get to you.” MJ said bravely. Then everything got quiet, until she felt a hand on her shoulder, and it wasn’t Matthew or Lily, it was Pennywise. “Hello again, MJ...” Pennywise chuckled. MJ quickly turned and defended herself. “Where are my nieces and nephews? WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM?” MJ asked in anger. Pennywise pointed up where she sees Matthew and Lily floating in the air. “What did you DO? And where’s my little four-year-old niece?” MJ cried. “I made them look into my deadlights; Now they are floating with the other floating children that I have lured... As for that toddler of yours... She is... No more...” Pennywise said as he licked his upper lip. MJ teared up with grief, she lost her youngest niece, and now her niece and nephews went through their fates. “However... I can spare these two... And your family... But... You must make an exchange.” Pennywise said. “What do you want? I’ll give you anything.” MJ teared up again. “I was hoping you would say that; because... I was hoping that you could be... my first mate...” Pennywise said. MJ shook her head quickly. “Then say goodbye to your nieces and nephews then... Including your soul--” “WAIT... I’LL BE YOUR MATE, JUST SPARE MY FAMILY...” MJ begged. “That’s better... I’ll just bring those kids down, and take them back to their grandparent’s place... You just stay comfortable.” Pennywise said.

MJ was on the ground bawling her eyes out. While Pennywise took Lily and Matthew outside, away from the Neibolt House. Pennywise may have gain their consciousness, but they also lost their memory from before, including their aunt’s sacrifice.

***

Pennywise went back to his trash mountain and found MJ sobbing on the ground. He had no mercy for her, so he doesn’t care that she’s crying. “You don’t have to stay down there; you can just stay up at the Neibolt House...” Pennywise said as he extended his arm to reach for her hand. MJ didn’t want to touch him or be touched, she got up herself and followed the sewer clown. “Just to inform you, MJ, I’m no pervert, I have no intimacies for human-beings... Even if someone like you is attractive...” Pennywise winked back at her. MJ was both relieved and nervous. At least she won’t be attacked by him, like any captor would with most women, so that’s a good sign.

As they got out of the well, with Pennywise’s help, he showed her to a room, where all there is was a mattress. MJ almost gaged, she didn’t want to lie on that bed, since it could be covered in germs, bugs and who knows what else. “It’s not exactly home, but what do I care? you humans know what to do to survive. I have to go on a hunt for dinner; I’ll be back with some things for you.” Pennywise said before he disappeared. MJ slowly approached the window with distress; she wanted to escape while Pennywise was gone, but she knew that if she tries to leave, he’ll either go after her or after her family. She’ll have to get used to being that clown’s prisoner. But all she can do right now is pray while sobbing her eyes out. “Please Lord... Save me from what I’ve endured for my love ones...”

Part 3 coming soon 

[comic-book-jawns]

A Proper Sleepover

“Hiya!”

Jamie’s head popped up a second later in the middle of the elaborate blanket fort that had taken over their studio apartment since she’d last seen it, heading out the door for her birthday dinner, after which Jamie had asked if she could walk around town for a bit — which hadn’t been asking a lot, considering it was a beautiful May evening in Vermont.

To say that Dani had always wanted to go to a sleepover was, in a sense, misleading. Growing up she’d had sleepovers at Eddie’s once a week if not more. But given the very fact of how often she was there, sleepover wasn’t quite the right word for it.

The O’Mara’s was like her second home — or maybe it was her own home that was the second home, if she were to judge a home by what a home was supposed to be like. Eventually, the O’Mara’s had grown stifling, of course, but it had never been cold.

In any case, it had not been the site of her first real sleepover, her only real sleepover. That had been at Ashley G’s house in seventh grade. Ashley wasn’t her friend. She didn’t have many friends aside from Eddie. But Ashley was rich, so she’d invited all the girls in their grade to sleep over in her gigantic basement.

Dani hadn’t slept at all, though. She’d been so excited to be included for once that it hadn’t occurred to her until she’d arrived that they would all be sleeping in one room, which meant if she had a nightmare, as she often did, everyone would know.

Fortunately, she’d been spared that embarrassment because she’d quickly become far too anxious to even try to sleep. There’d been the teasing about when she and Eddie were going to get married, if he was a good kisser. And, sure, it was uncomfortable, but she’d been expecting it.

What she had not expected was the near paralysis brought on by sitting in a tight circle with her pajama-clad classmates. Every time she would manage to find a perfect, if scoliosis-inducing, position in which to sit — one in which she was not touching anyone. Everyone would move around, and she’d have to start all over again.

At the time, she’d written it off as her not being used to touch. Her mother was many things but a hugger was not one of them. Eddie tried, but it always seemed to make him uncomfortable, especially as they’d gotten older. Eddie’s mom was the only person who’d ever hugged her with any real frequency. But even by then, it had begun to feel a tad smothering, if welcome nonetheless.

So, at the time, that’s what Dani had attributed her discomfort at the sleepover to. And, at the the time, she’d known it was a lie. So, despite the invites that she’d later received from girlfriends of Eddie’s friends when Eddie had suddenly become popular in high school, Dani had never gone to a sleepover again.

But the desire had never gone away. It had always felt like yet another experience she’d missed out on. So, she’d made an off-hand comment to Flora during their “sleepover” at Bly — which, incidentally, had been her and Jamie’s first “sleepover,” technically speaking. Jamie remained unaware of Dani’s early morning “check-in,” but evidently she’d done some recon of her own that night.

“So... do ya... ” Jamie scratched the back of her neck. “Never actually done this before, but - ”

“Jamie, it’s perfect!”

Dani was already struggling to see her through blurry eyes.

“Yeah?”

She could still make out Jamie’s cheeks getting redder, as her smile got more lopsided. Dani closed the door, which she’d only been able to open halfway on account of the outer rim of blankets and dropped the bag she’d been holding, containing a new novel for Jamie she’d just bought from the local bookstore.

Then, she bent double to enter the fort. The blankets gradually ascended as she got closer to the middle, not unlike a circus tent. But Dani stayed bent over like a linebacker and ran straight for Jamie. Wrapping one arm around her lower back and the other around her thighs, Dani lifted her and twirled around, smiling proudly as Jamie immediately giggled.

She managed to make it around about 1.5 times before falling over onto a pile of cushions, at which point she too burst out laughing. As they recovered, Jamie cleared her throat.

“Right, down to it, then.” She sat up and reached over to her left. “Ya need to strip.”

She turned back to find Dani smiling coyly.

“So you can put on these!” She held out her Blondie T-shirt, which she’d first given to Dani to borrow on her birthday, and pajama bottoms. “Honestly, Poppins!”

Dani blushed but grinned shamelessly as she took the clothes.

She’d been treated to breakfast in bed — “I apologize in advance,” Jamie had quipped as she’d handed her the plate. Dani had insisted it was delicious, and Jamie had explained that they had a dinner reservation, after which Dani would get her present, so until then, the day was reserved for whatever Dani wanted to do.

Coincidentally, they had not set foot outside their apartment until well into the afternoon.

*****

“You’re the one the one that I want!”

Dani woke up reclined against the cushions, her view of the TV partially obstructed by Jamie who was leaning forward, hugging Dani’s knees on either side of her. As she watched, Jamie stretched her right arm out to grab a handful of popcorn, threw it her mouth and wrapped her arm around Dani’s knee once more, never taking her eyes off the screen.

Jamie had rented three movies from Blockbuster. They’d started with My Side of the Mountain, a childhood favorite of Dani’s that Jamie had found herself loving as well.

Next was Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, a relatively new movie they’d heard good things about. Jamie had said as the credits rolled that “playin’ truant” was for “tossas” and if Ferris were really cool he would’ve dropped out like she had, and Dani had whacked her with a pillow, instigating a pillow fight that had served as a quality intermission.

Grease, which Jamie claimed she’d picked purely for Dani’s benefit to check romcom off the sleepover bucket list, had been the closer. Dani had nodded off sometime after Danny and Sandy’s reunion at school and smiled now as she watched Jamie watch them celebrate their decision to change everything about themselves in spandex.

She wrapped her arms around Jamie’s stomach and pulled herself up, resting her chin on Jamie’s shoulder.

“Hey, you,” Jamie said softly.

Her eyes remained on the screen as the song wrapped.

“You could’ve turned something else on.”

“Well, I didn’t know when you’d wake up, did I?”

“Mmhmm.”

Dani’s smile was more of a smirk now.

“Tryna say something, Poppins?”

Dani sighed.

“Oh, just that I’m... hopelessly devoted to you.”

Dani giggled as Jamie scoffed.

“Ya better not be.”

“No?”

“Well, not... ” Jamie cleared her throat. “Not hopelessly, anyway.”

Dani smiled and leaned in to kiss Jamie’s reddening cheek.

“Deal.”

Even from this angle, she could see Jamie smile shyly. Dani knew she was almost ready. She’d half-wondered if that would be her present — Jamie saying it. But she wasn’t disappointed in the slightest. All she’d really wanted for her birthday was to be with Jamie. After all, it hadn’t exactly been a sure thing.

She’d secretly been kicking herself since the night of Jamie’s birthday, several months ago at this point, when she’d joked that she was sure Jamie would be able to “think of something” for hers. She hadn’t offended Jamie — Jamie was the one who’d joked about it in the first place — but she had broken her cardinal rule. She’d talked about the future.

Of course, Jamie had already figured out when her birthday was, so there was nothing Dani could’ve done differently, really. But still, she’d been haunted by the thought that that conversation would be all Jamie would have, that it would haunt her too if they never got the chance to celebrate it.

So she’d never brought it up again. But, at last, the day had come, and it had been better than she ever could’ve imagined.

“Oi, what’s this?!” Jamie gestured at the TV. “S’not even real words!”

Dani laughed, facing forward again. “We Go Together” had started up.

“So this is where you draw the line?”

“Well, the other songs - ”

“Yes?”

Dani’s smirk was back. Jamie closed her mouth and cleared her throat, before chuckling.

“We gotta get you to a show.”

“Huh?”

“A musical.”

Jamie laughed again.

“You and I both know that you’ll love it.”

Jamie’s shy smile was back. Dani’s tone had not left room for rebuttal. Jamie finally turned her head to look at her.

“Thank you.”

Dani smiled widely and leaned in for a kiss. She’d broken her rule again. But she supposed she’d just made another one. She wouldn’t give up on hope.

[mydarlinginej]

read my full review of luck of the titanic by stacey lee here.

From the critically acclaimed author of The Downstairs Girl comes the richly imagined story of Valora and Jamie Luck, twin British – Chinese acrobats traveling aboard the Titanic on its ill fated maiden voyage.

Southampton, 1912: Seventeen-year-old British-Chinese Valora Luck has quit her job and smuggled herself aboard the Titanic with two goals in mind: to reunite with her twin brother Jamie–her only family now that both their parents are dead–and to convince a part-owner of the Ringling Brothers Circus to take the twins on as acrobats. Quick-thinking Val talks her way into opulent firstclass accommodations and finds Jamie with a group of fellow Chinese laborers in third class. But in the rigidly stratified world of the luxury liner, Val’s ruse can only last so long, and after two long years apart, it’s unclear if Jamie even wants the life Val proposes. Then, one moonless night in the North Atlantic, the unthinkable happens–the supposedly unsinkable ship is dealt a fatal blow–and Val and her companions suddenly find themselves in a race to survive.

Stacey Lee, master of historical fiction, brings a fresh perspective to an infamous tragedy, loosely inspired by the recently uncovered account of six Titanic survivors of Chinese descent.

my review:

Historical fiction has never been my genre, and I also have no real interest in the Titanic honestly. However, Stacey Lee’s books have always been an exception to the former, so I knew I had to give this book a try! I’m so glad I did because I loved it. Luck of the Titanic explores the infamous Titanic voyage from the perspective of a girl who shouldn’t be on the ship at all as she sets out to reunite with her twin brother.

Using the tickets her employer had bought, Valora Luck attempts to board the Titanic. When that doesn’t work, she stows away on the ship, in search of her twin brother Jamie, whom she hasn’t seen in two years. She finally locates him with other Chinese seamen, including Bo. Despite the Chinese Exclusion Act in place, Val dreams of going to America and performing as an acrobat in the Ringling Brothers Circus, and she tries to convince Jamie to join her. Their time is limited to convince the lead investor into seeing their performance, not only because of the voyage and Val’s flimsy scam but also by the tragic event that awaits them.

Again, I’ve never much cared for Titanic stories; I know other people are, but it’s just never been something that interested me. That being said, I really liked how Lee approached this book. Her historical books always follow a Chinese protagonist in a Western society that shuns them, and it was really fascinating to read about this event from someone who is looked down upon. I’ve never known about the eight Chinese men aboard the Titanic, and I thought it was interesting how Lee built her story up from there.

read my full review here.

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Things Done Differently 3

A/n: Supernatural RPF

Link to Chapter 2

Pairings: Richard Speight Jr x Reader

_________

The following days went smoothly for Richard and yourself. The two of you didn’t leave the house or the bed for the most part.

“These hormones of yours are really wearing me out, sugar. Not that I am complaining. Six months of just using my hand was miserable.”

Richard said with a smile as he watched you pull on some clothes. You smirked before trying to wiggle into a pair of leggings. With a sigh, you gave up after a few tries.

“I blame you for this.”

You said with a smirk as Richard sat up and attempted to fix his bed ravaged hair.

“I didn’t hear you complaining, especially last night, middle of the night, and this morning.”

You rolled your eyes.

“I’m not complaining, silly. I never believed people when they said that when you get pregnant you turn into a horny mess. Well, now look at me you could bend me over whenever you want.”

Richard raised an eyebrow and was clearly considering your words.

“In that case, I better go buy me a supply of Viagra or something because sweetheart I’m not as young as I used to be.”

The two of you exchanged a smile.

“You haven’t needed any assistance so far. I have to run downtown and meet a client with my brother.”

Richard frowned.

“Ah gotta go meet Mr. Personality huh?”

You gave him a small frown.

“Rich, please. I know that you two don’t like each other.”

Richard held a hand up.

“Like isn’t a strong enough word, darlin. More like hate each other's guts and hope the other will drop dead.”

You pulled on a knee length sweater and tucked it around your stomach. For the past few months, you had been so used to trying to find creative ways to hide the fact that you were pregnant. The realization that you didn’t have to still hadn’t really kicked in.

“Richard, I’m not asking much of you just please for our daughter, try to get along with Andrew. Like it or not he’s going to be a part of her life. He’s my business partner. Carmichael records isn’t what it would be without my brother. I can’t do it all on my own.”

Richard frowned feeling guilty. He stood pulling on his jeans before going to you.

“Sugar, I’m sorry. He just bugs me. You’re right our daughter doesn’t need all the drama. I’ll see you when you get home..”

He leaned down pressing a soft kiss to your lips. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, deepening the kiss. Richard sighed against your mouth.

“And this is what led to you getting pregnant. You better get going. I don’t want your brother coming in here seeing me half naked.”

You turned with a smile and walked out of the room.

Half an hour later, Richard sat in the living room waiting for Rob, Matt, Jensen, Jared, and Ruth to show up. Tonight was the night that he was going to let some of his friends other than Rob in on his secret. Part of him was ready to get the news of your pregnancy out in the open so the two of you could walk out in public and not feel you were hiding. The other part wanted to keep his daughter as safe as possible. Even if she wasn’t born yet, Richard wanted to keep the kid safe from all the sets of eyes in Nashville that would be on her once she was born.

Richard looked down at the magazine on the coffee table. It was Andrew and yourself on the cover of Nashville Star magazine. Richard sighed looking at you carefully. You were dressed in a loose black dress that clearly hid your stomach. Richard sat down with a groan. He hated knowing that because of him, you had gone to all those crazy lengths to hide your condition.

Looking at Andrew, Richard frowned. He knew that he had to find a way to get along with the oldest Carmichael. If there was anyone that could quiet some of the crazy that the unplanned pregnancy was about to cause it would be Andrew Carmichael. Even though Richard was annoyed at the thought of going to Andrew to keep the reporters off of you; he had a feeling he would be doing it. Sure, Richard could put his two cents in on everything to the reporters but that would cause even more of a circus fest. Andrew could smooth things over. Richard had seen him do it plenty of times when it came to an artist who was going through a rough patch. Andrew could have made Britney Spears 2007 meltdown look sane.

The doorbell ringing pulled Richard from his thoughts. Looking down at his watch, he was relieved to see that it was time for his friends to show up. Getting out of his head was the best thing at the moment. Getting up and walking to the door, Rob looked concerned as soon as Richard answered.

“Hey buddy! Didn’t know you bought a new house.”

Jensen said cheerfully as he walked in with Jared behind him. Matt grinned.

“Did you have someone decorate it for you or did you suddenly become awesome at interior decorating?”

Richard smirked as they sat down on the couch. Rob hadn’t out of earshot before turning and looking at Richard.

“Is everything okay? You look stressed.”

Richard shrugged.

“Just a lot on my mind. I’ll be good.”

Rob didn’t look too believing as he walked to join Ruth on the couch. Taking a deep breath, he decided just to let everything come out in the open. Feeling nervous around his friends was something that was not like him in the slightest. Anyone that knew Richard in the slightest knew that being shy or keeping secrets from his friends was not the man he was.

“So Rich, what is with you?”

Jared asked with a smile. Richard sat down .

“So I uh…have a girlfriend.”

Jensen looked surprised and nodded with a smile. Ruth clasped her hands together looking excited. She wasn’t about to say it but they had all been worried about Richard over the past few months. He had not been his normally cheery sarcastic self. Seeing him withdrawn and clearly acting when on stage was not her normal friend.

“Well, that is wonderful dear! You have seemed so moody lately.”

Richard nodded.

“She’s pregnant.”

The whole room went silent. Everyone looked between themselves before looking back to Richard. Matt tilted his head to the side.

“Come again?”

Jensen and Jared were mouthing what the fuck to each other before Jensen turned to Richard.

“We see what you have been doing!”

Matt meanwhile, was grinning.

“Is there something that you’ve forgotten to tell us and does it have something to do with all the love bites you’ve been sporting? That’s right I see things because I am your friend! Wait a second! Rob did you know about this?”

Rob nodded, hoping to keep everything as calm as possible. He was worried about Richard from the moment that he walked in the door. Jensen chuckled.

“Well, that explains everything! Rob how in the hell did you keep this to yourself? I figured you would have blabbed by now.”

Jared got up and went to stand beside Richard.

“Rich probably threatened to kick his ass. Rob is the only one that threat will work on. He’s the only one smaller than Rich.”

Jared said with a smirk before resting his arm on the top of Richard’s head. Richard quickly pushed Jared off with a frown while Rob crossed his arms over his chest.

“HEY!”

Rob squeaked. Having enough at the masculine ball-breaking fest, Ruth stood up.

“Okay boys that is enough. Richard, how far is she? How long have you been together?”

Richard looked up finally.

“She’s 6 ½ months. We’ve been together for over a year…just the past six months we were kind of broke up because I wanted to keep everything hush-hush.”

Matt looked like he had just figured out a grand puzzle.

“SO that is why you were coming back to Nashville all the time! I knew that there was something that I was being left out of! I thought that I was supposed to be in on this friendship. I feel so left out right now.”

Richard chuckled.

“I am sorry that you haven’t been included in the latest chapter of this train wreck called my life! If I could have….”

The sound of the door closing pulled Richard from his thoughts. He almost yelled the moment that he saw you standing in the doorway. From the look on your face, you had heard everything he had just said and wasn’t happy. Matt was the first one to say something. Matt looked awestruck looking at you. You were definitely as pretty as in all of the magazines.

“You’re Y/n Carmichael.”

You smiled politely.

“You must be Matt.”

Matt grinned.

“You really are pregnant!”

Everyone looked at Matt like he was absolutely nuts. Richard rolled his eyes.

“Did you think I was lying?!”

Matt shrugged.

“Just thought you might have been trying to pull one over on us.”

You chuckled before looking down at your watch.

“It's nice to have met you all. I’m sorry to run but I have a plane to catch in two hours and have to pack. I hope to see you all again.”

Richard’s less than amused expression became even more grave.

“Plane?”

Your eyes went to your boyfriend.

“I have a meeting in Texas in the morning with a potential client. Andrew decided to just spring it on me an hour ago. I should be back the day after tomorrow.”

You turned with a smile before walking into the bedroom shutting the door. Once you were out of the room, Jensen turned looking at Richard.

“Dude I think she heard what you said about your life being a train wreck.”

Richard ran a hand through his hair.

“Ya think? I didn’t mean it like that!”

Jensen shrugged innocently.

“You might not want to sit here and tell me. You may wanna go in there and talk to her.”

Richard groaned before turning and walking into the bedroom. The last thing he wanted was to lose you all over again because he made some crazy comment that he didn’t need to make in the process.

Walking into the bedroom, you stood to put random outfits into a suitcase. You didn’t even look up when he walked into the room cluing Richard in that you were upset.

“Y/n, about what you heard sugar.”

You looked up before holding up your hand.

“You don’t have to explain.”

You wanted to say more but didn’t. You wanted to let Richard know what you were feeling but that would just escalate to an argument. The last thing that you wanted before a trip to Texas was an argument with your boyfriend. You knew that if you wanted to keep Richard, fussing at him was the last thing that you needed to be doing!

Richard hadn’t moved from his place by the door for a moment before going to sit on the bed.

“Y/n, talk to me.”

You shook your head.

“There is nothing to say. Everything is fine.”

Richard ran a hand through his hair as you kept putting random clothing items in the partially full case.

“So are you coming back?”

You looked up.

“Of course.”

“You’re packing like you are about to run or something.”

You looked up again.

“I’m pregnant. I need lots of clothes. If I am not burning up one moment I am freezing to death the next. That calls for a lot of material.”

Both of you were quiet for a moment before Richard spoke again.

“You know, Y/n I am an actor I can spot someone lying from 100 feet away. I know you heard what I said and none of that pertained to you.”

You zipped your bag before looking up like nothing had happened.

“Okay.”

This was the point that Richard was beginning to get aggravated!

“Damn it, Y/n don’t do this! You are doing just what you used to! Instead of us talking about our problems you are just shoving them deeper and deeper into Pandora’s fucking box. It's like I can’t get you to trust me no matter what I do!”

You froze at that. Your pretty face went sour like you had eaten a ton of sour Skittles. Turning and looking at Richard, your eyes looked too much like Andrew’s for his liking.

“Fine, you wanna know what I thought when I heard you say that your life was a train wreck? I wanted to tell you to just leave. Just go like you did before and leave me to it. I tried to think that you were back here because you were actually in love with me and it wasn’t some sense of masculine sense of duty. Now I am starting to think that I was right in the first place. I am not staying with someone who considers our child a mistake or contributing to what you call a train wreck.”

Richard looked totally floored by that one. He looked like someone had crept up behind him and yanked the rug he was standing on out from under him.

“What the hell?!!! I never called our daughter a mistake and I sure am not staying with you out of a sense of male pride!”

You narrowed your eyes.

“Calling it as I see it.”

You turned and walked from the room without another word leaving Richard between shocked and furious! You meanwhile, knew everything that you said was wrong and that you shouldn’t leave angry like this. You knew Richard would never in the right mind mean the train wreck comment to be about you, however, you couldn’t help feeling hurt. Tomorrow you would probably regret everything that just happened but tonight you wanted to be miserable.

The next thought to enter your mind was the fact that you had to put on a grand act around Andrew. If your brother knew that Richard and yourself were already fighting that would offer no favors in the future. In fact, Andrew would probably just be hating Richard more than he already did. Putting on an act around Andrew was hard to do in the first place. You could only hope that your brother would buy your pregnancy hormones as being the reason that you were upset. For the past six months, if she started randomly crying or became irrationally angry Andrew would peek over his computer at you like a frightened church mouse. However, now that he knew Richard was back if you showed up with puffy swollen eyes from crying he wouldn’t hesitate to say it was Richard’s fault; pregnancy hormones be damned.

One of the shocking things with Andrew was he had been surprisingly tender with you in your “predicament.” You didn’t even remember him being this tender with Ashton when she was pregnant with his own children! This was probably what contributed to Ashton’s sudden dislike of you. She sure as hell didn’t let an opportunity to let you know of her displeasure.

“I couldn’t even get him to go get me food in the middle of the night. All you have to do is say that you are hungry and he will go running for you.”

You had been tempted to say that being your brother’s pet since the time that you were born definitely seemed to have its benefits as well as its disadvantages. You decided to remain silent on the matter. You weren't about to stir that pot in the disaster known as Andrew and Ashton: married couple.

Settling yourself into your car, you looked down seeing your brother’s name on the iPhone’s screen.

“Nose like a goddamn Doberman.”

You muttered before answering the phone.

“Hi Andrew.”

Her brother’s voice was instantly inquisitive.

“Have you been crying? What’s that guy done to you now?”

You winced.

“Richard didn’t do anything. I just…don’t want to leave him for a few days.”

You mentally congratulated yourself on a good save as Andrew sounded grossed out.

“Forget I asked. I was just calling to see if you were on your way.”

You sighed, as she pulled onto the highway.

“I am. See you in fifteen.”

_______

@brokencasbutt67-writer

@authoressskr

@shaylybaby2032

@fandom-trash-worth-it

@hankypranky

@wontlookaway

@shitfaceddaniel

@maggiolim

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[thewidowstanton]

Josie Stone: costumier

Costumier Josie Stone was born in London and lived and worked there most of her life but is now based in Rochester in Kent. She’s been in the business “going back to the Flower Power days of the sixties” in London’s King’s Road, and worked for a lot of up-and-coming pop groups, selling clothes to Tommy Roberts’ Kleptomania in Carnaby Street. She made fashion samples for designers Paddy Campbell and Katherine Cusack, and one Christmas Liberty’s department store had windows showcasing Cusack’s dresses – including one for Diana, Princess of Wales – all of which Josie had made. She also created samples for adverts in the boutique Medusa near Sloane Square. 

Later Josie moved into the entertainment industry, making outfits for both the children’s and adults’ Royal Variety Performances, as well as doing TV work for the Des O’Connor Show, the Michael Barrymore Show, the Lesley Garrett and Frank Skinner shows, TFI Friday and for organisations such as Butlins and Bassline Circus. She’s made costumes for shows on cruise ships and for films such as Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again, and has made those for Thursford Christmas Spectacular for many years. Even though Thursford always credits her work, her considerable contribution to the industry has largely gone unrecognised. 

She is performer Becky [Rebecca] Burford’s mother, and her son-in-law is stunt man Andrew Burford. The Widow’s Liz Arratoon has always regarded costumes as a vital part of any show and was delighted when Josie agreed to chat about her impressive – and lengthy – career. 

The Widow Stanton: Have you always loved clothes and fashion? Josie Stone: It was always in me. I was one of these kids that when my mother and father bought me a sewing machine I made all my dolls’ clothes.

Was this skill in your family background? No, my mum was very good at sewing… very good. But no they didn’t do this. My father was a printer. I learnt a lot at school and a lot from my mum. I didn’t go to college; we had lessons at school for making… millinery classes and also sewing classes.

That’s amazing! We had sewing classes at school but we never learnt anything worthwhile. How did you start out actually working in the industry? I left school and went to a couple of places making shirts but that didn’t last long. Then I met up with this guy who had his workroom above Tesco’s in Victoria. He was very keen to start making… it was like Flower Power days but you couldn’t buy shirts and trousers and things like that for the pop groups. Those sort of things just weren’t around. So I went to work with him. It was a rented flat he lived in and we were all working in there making these things. Then he suddenly got this place down King’s Road in Chelsea called The Potato Shop; on the corner in World’s End. At the time Granny Takes a Trip was just down the road from us, with this American car sticking out the window that appeared to crash through on to the step. It was great! I mean good fun, great fun!

Do you design as well as make? No, I don’t design. I get a drawing and that’s it. It depends on who the designer is… sometimes you get ‘I want that at the bottom, I want the skirt to look like that and the top to look like that’. 

Can you remember any of the pop groups you worked for? [Laughs] No! You’re talking a lot of years ago, lots of years ago. It was any group that was starting out in that industry and they had nowhere to buy their things. We would buy Indian bedspreads and make them into kaftans, sailors’ trousers, dyeing them all different colours and altering them, and frilly shirts that would be sold to the antique market at the Sloane Square end of the King’s Road, near the town hall. We had one floor in The Potato Shop and there were crazy carryings on downstairs in the basement. We didn’t really know what it was all about but it was a bit naughty. One night we sneaked back into the place and worked all night so this guy could get his order out. 

We always hear about the Swinging Sixties… how much fun was it?  Oh, King’s Road was lovely. Beautiful, beautiful. It was a wonderful place to be in the sixties with all the Flower Power, then the punks. It was great fun; it was wonderful fun. It was all unknown to me; it was all new and that was the start of me getting into that type of work. My dad worked just off of Carnaby Street and he got us work from Kleptomania, a big, big place where all the pop groups used to go. We’d be making more kaftans and shirts with frills all down the sides and the centre. There still weren’t many shops around that were selling that type of thing. Tommy Roberts would sell to people like Jimi Hendrix and The Who. It was just fun. [Laughs] I was a single girl having great fun going from one place to the next, really. 

After that I worked in a boutique called Medusa. I was downstairs making samples all the time. I didn’t used to do much production. Mainly I’d make a sample up and then if they liked it it would go off to wherever, to a factory or somewhere like that to do production. Medusa was a swinging place, it was in a little alleyway off the King’s Road next to Sainsbury’s. I believe it was called Elystan Place. It was an up-and-coming boutique. That was at the time when Zandra Rhodes was big, and those sort of people. One time we made some samples for Apple Records, the Beatles’ label, but it never came to anything. 

What was the best part of your life then? I was young and having fun and it was all the unknown. I lived then in Wandsworth Road with my parents, and these were all Chelsea people and they were different, completely different to the life I’d led, and it was just really way out, anything went. It didn’t matter what you wore, anything went. And I loved my job. I’d work any hours because I loved it. I didn’t always like the places, I’d go from job to job, but I did love my work and I then started having my own workroom. I decided I’d work from home. I worked with a friend from my first mother-in-law’s house and we were still doing the kaftans… a guy used to pull up in this black cab that was all painted with psychedelic patterns. It was at Tulse Hill – they were very quiet there – and the neighbours used to look in absolute amazement at everything going on. But we loved it, my mother-in-law loved it and it was good fun.

So, let’s jump ahead, how did the Liberty’s window display come about? I worked for somebody called Katherine Cusack. That was just when Rebecca was born and I was working from home. I think Katherine advertised in The Stage and she wanted to start doing semi-couture work. I’d make her samples and then she’d have a party and invite all these quite wealthy people to her lounge. It was a beautiful Edwardian house in Grafton Square in Clapham Common. Then she managed to get into Liberty’s and that Christmas the whole front had all the dresses that I’d made. 

Which of Lady Di’s dresses did you make?  It was a beautiful silk velvet in a beautiful deep blue. It had long sleeves and rouleau loops with little buttons all the way down. I think Di went into Liberty’s and bought it. I believe she was photographed wearing it for The Lady. Katherine was over the moon. But it was real pain to make because silk velvet takes its own route. It’s not the easiest of fabrics to work on because it’s so soft. It is beautiful but it’s not easy to make. You’ve go to have the right feed on your machine otherwise when you’re joining the seams up you’ll lose it and it will be longer one end. Josie! That dress was later auctioned for thousands and thousands! £48,000, I believe.

How did you make the move into showbusiness?  I moved into that when Rebecca started at Sylvia Young’s. They used to put on shows all the time because it’s a theatre school and I started making costumes. Then I went on to doing the children’s Royal Variety. 

Is that how you got on to the adults’ Royal Variety Performance? I’d got into a workroom at Acton doing samples for someone I met on the children’s Royal Variety. Then I went into my own workroom at Acton and I used to help her out. Various different designers got my name and we took on the work. That’s how we gradually started doing all the shows. She didn’t want to go on the shows so I used to go to the studios or anywhere where the work was and I’d fit the costumes and then come back and we’d finish them, but she stayed in the workroom to do whatever needed to be done there. 

Can you tell us about any really nice celebs you worked with? Oh God, who haven’t I met? [Laughs] I worked on the Royal Variety for years with a wonderful designer called Linda Martin. That’s years and years so that’s one helluva lot of people I’ve met. Des O’Connor was sweet. He was lovely, lovely, absolutely charming and so was his wife. We used to do a lunchtime show with him. I did that for a lot of years. Michael Barrymore was also lovely. I was really upset when he went off the scene because he was a nice guy. 

Does anyone else stand out? There’s very few that weren’t nice. They were all very nice. No one was horrible. I worked on Michael Barrymore’s show at Wimbledon Theatre and there were so many celebs on it that they had to share dressing rooms. This one particular share was with Warren Mitchell and Chris Eubank. And Warren Mitchell didn’t want to share with Chris Eubank at all. At the time Chris Eubank had this electric scooter that he would go all round the corridors on it. I could understand Warren Mitchell not wanting to share with him because he was a bit wild at this point. He’s the only one I can say wasn’t very pleasant, but I think it was because he was unhappy about sharing because he and Chris were complete opposites. 

Do you know how many years you’ve done Thursford for?  If we go this time, probably 20 years. The designer I work with there is Stephen Adnitt; he was Cilla’s designer. I worked with Linda Martin for 12 or 13 years doing Thursford. I’d never met Stephen, I knew of him, and he asked me to join his team. The designer gets the job and they’ll have a team and usually they keep that same team all the time. I’ve worked with him for eight years. 

How many costumes might be involved in its Christmas show? We have to dress everybody at Thursford, even the orchestra. So you have 56 singers, 23 dancers and almost two full orchestras. 

So when would you start to plan something like that? We – I work with Rita Best – would start end of May, beginning of June. Our designs would come in before then. We’d measure people and make the costumes and fit them in September. There are probably eight or nine sets of costumes to make. It’s enormous! Enormous. It’s the biggest show I think in Europe. We’d spend three weeks in Norfolk just making sure that it all works on the set; making sure that sequins don’t come off – I mean it’s covered, absolutely covered in sequins – and we’ll be sitting for hours and hours sticking them on. But again, we love it. We’d see the rehearsals and the preview and the day the show starts we’d come home. Our job was done. When I was working for Linda there, I’d be there working late at night. That didn’t happen so much with Stephen. He’d be like: “We’ve got to finish now.” 

You mentioned doing millinery at school so do you do headdresses and that sort of thing? No, I would have liked to have done but for Thursford we have a milliner who comes with us; Shirley Davis, who has also been in the business a very long time.

What advice would you give to someone wanting to follow in your footsteps? Get into a workroom and learn how it goes. Learn how people work because what they learn at college is not how a workroom works. And really to earn any money at it, you’ve got to have a bit of speed on the machine. You can’t hang about. You can’t take a week or two or three weeks to make something. It’s nice if they can get into a workroom and see it first hand. I mean I get my work through various designers that I’ve known over the years or another maker who will ring me up completely out of the blue. Last week I helped someone out on a film. I’ll work on anything that needs a costume. I did Red or Black? at Wembley Arena, a game show developed by Simon Cowell. You could win a £1 million. It was massive. I worked with another designer called Scott Landridge, who did the children’s TV series The Worst Witch, the TV series Mile High and the sitcom Citizen Khan.

Have you had any costume disasters? Not really. [Laughs] I’ve had a lot of late nights or working all night to finish a costume off. You get the occasional broken strap and you have to quickly run down to the stage or on to the set and pin them up, or something doesn’t fit when they arrive. But no major disasters.

Have you been doing anything during the lockdown?  Just before the lockdown we had all these shows on cruise ships lined up but that all went. At first I was making scrubs for the hospitals. I did loads of voluntary work for anyone who needed them. Sometimes they gave me the material and sometimes I’d provide it. They were using all kinds of material in the end, even bedspreads. I did that for a while and I also made these little pairs of hearts. They were to send to hospices and hospitals so the patient could have one to hold and the family would have the other one. I made them out of all the material I have here. I also did masks, but I’m not doing so many now.

Do you ever think about retiring? No! [Laughs] I love what I do. But the work will get less and less and that will be it. I mean we’ve had hardly anything this year. We did a few bits for Butlins and a big Dame’s costume, which I don’t think ever got used because that show was cut. 

Can you pick out a few career highlights? I loved working on the Royal Variety at the Royal Albert Hall. I loved doing it in there. I did that quite a few times. Beautiful, beautiful. It’s a beautiful building and it’s just lovely to work in. If you look back at all the names that have been on the Royal and I did it for more than twenty years, there are a hell of a lot of names I’ve met. And that was quite fun. 

Josie is hoping that Thursford Christmas Spectacular in Thursford, Norfolk will go ahead this year. If so, it will run from 9 November – 23 December 2021 at 2pm and 7pm. 

In the meantime she can be contacted on 07956 832261 for commissions.

For Thursford tickets click here

[american-satanxx]

Phoenix Rises//Dick Grayson Ch.1

Author’s Note: This is takes place after Season 2 of Titans. If you want to be tagged, let me know

Masterpost

I Want To Be A Good Man, I Want To See God

I lean up against a post watching my brothers set up the netting under the trapeze swings. When I was younger, this brought excitement and joy; now it just brings sadness. “I know Dad bought Haly’s Circus to bring it back to its former glory,” I start as I push myself up off the post. “But did we seriously have to include trapeze artists? No one is going to be able to replace The Flying Graysons.” “We aren’t replacing them, Lo.” My brother Tony states. “But the circus won’t be the same without a trapeze act, just like it won’t be complete without you shaking your ass to dubstep shit and dancing with fire. But we aren’t replacing that just because mom died last year.” “Well mom didn’t die in the middle of her act.” I remind them. “It’s going to be weird seeing the new people.” “Get over it, sis.” Tony chuckles. “Plus one of the guys has the hots for you. Just like old times, huh?” “Dick never had the hots for me.” I point out. “It was always pathetically one sided. “You’ve got to be shitting me!” My other brother, Ford, shouts from the stands. I look up and he’s on his phone. “Did you know about this Lo?” He jumps down and strides towards me. He thrusts his phone into my face just as some kid, dressed up as Robin states the Titans are back. “You’ve got to be shitting me.” I repeat my brother in disbelief. “After the death of Garth and Jericho, he swore he’d never go back.” “I know I haven’t seen Dick in awhile but that’s not him.” Tony chuckles. “Who the fuck is this joker?” “Dick’s replacement?” I shrug. “I didn’t think Batman would replace him, he actually did care a lot about him.” “That’s hard to believe. I remember the stories. Batman was a grade A dick to you guys.” Ford states. “He didn’t like Dick hanging out with you or Dawn or Hank.” “I think it was mostly Dawn and Hank. He didn’t mind me because I was a reminder of Dick’s past.” “Which is why he didn’t like you around him too much.” Tony counters. “You were a reminder of what happened. You were Dick’s only long lasting link to Haly’s.” “So what are you going to do?” Ford asks. “Are you going to rush over there and play superhero again? You said the only way you’d go back into the life is if Dick is right there with you.” “I can’t just walk back in the Tower, not after the fight I had with Dick before I left.” I bite my lower lip. “Besides, I can’t leave you guys without your best fire dancer. I’m not going to step down from my post to make a trip to San Fran.” “We have a few shows there in a couple months or have you forgotten?” Ford smirks. “Invite him and the new Titans to the show. Then afterwards spending time with your boy, see if anything is still there.” “And if something is?” “You fight for it this time.” Tony states. “You go after him…”

Several months later I’ve watched from afar as Dick and the rest of the Titans have taken on Deathstroke. And I’m glad I wasn’t there, especially after hearing about Donna’s death. It was painful news, especially since I was extremely close with Donna. I find myself standing in front of the Towers’ entrance. Part of my wants to put in my code, which I somehow still remember, but I decide against it. There is no way in hell Dick still has my code programmed. Sighing, I hit the intercom button and soon the buzzing is followed by a kid’s voice. “Who are you and state your business?” The kid states. “Lauren Sutton. I’m here to speak with Dick.” “Do you have an appointment?” “Do I need one?” I chuckle. “Dick’s not that important that he needs appointments to be made. He’s not Batman or Bruce Wayne.” “Is he expecting you?” “Look kid, just let me in. I’m an old friend of Dick’s.” I let out a frustrated sigh. “I even used to have a code to get into this damned building. I’m just looking to reconnect with an old friend.” I hear a sigh over the intercom but I’m quickly buzzed in. A nervous smile dances on my lips. It’s now or never. Dick Grayson I’m in the training room with Dawn and Hank when Gar comes rushing in. The three of us stop training and look at the panting teenager. “What’s wrong, Gar?” “Some chick is on her way up here, says she’s an old friend of yours.” Gar states once he catches his breath. “She was adamant about coming up here.” “Did she give a name?” Hank questions. “Lauren Sutton.” The three of us exchange looks. “Lo is here?” Dawn is the one to ask. “What would Nix want with you now?” Hank asks me. “She wasn’t exactly your biggest fan after Jericho’s death.” I’m about to open my mouth to speak but it’s not my voice that comes out… “Maybe she wants to visit some old friends.” Lauren’s voice states. I look behind Gar and see her walking into the room; her hips sway with each step. “I see you brought back the Titans. Never thought in a million years that would ever happen.” “Has hell frozen over?” I question her with a smirk. “Because you said it’ll be a cold day in hell the day you walk back into my life.” “I also said that about joining the circus again.” A chuckle escapes her lips. “But I’m back doing my fire dance once more.” “You joined another circus?” “My mom’s life insurance policy was enough money that my dad turned her tragic accident into a way for him to bring back Haly’s Circus.” She replies, sadly. “That’s one of the reasons why I’m here. I wanted to cordially invite you guys to the opening night here.” “Haly’s Circus isn’t that…” Gar starts but stops when he looks at me. “I told you I was an old friend.” Lauren smiles. “Dick and I go way, way back.” “Can we go?” Gar asks, looking at me. “Rachel is due to come back soon and this’ll be a nice way to welcome her back.” “I don’t know, Gar.” Dawn starts. “This might bring up a lot of memories for Dick.” “If you don’t want to come, I don’t blame you.” Lauren states, looking right at me. “Our first opening night was hard on me too. It was so weird seeing another family on the trapeze.” “They couldn’t leave out the trapeze?” Hank scoffs. “Father said it would incomplete the circus.” Lauren sighs. “Anyway, that’s why I’m here. To invite you. I’ll leave your name at the door, you are more than welcome to invite whoever you want. Gates open at 6pm” Lauren smiles before walking out the room. “We’re going right?” Gar asks. “She didn’t have to come down here but she did. It would be rude to not go.” “It’s up to Dick.” Dawn states. “These are his demons we are about to face.” I bite my lower lip in thought. I’m suddenly tossed into every memory I have ever shared with Lauren. And Gar is right, it would be rude to not go after she personally invited us. “Yea, we’re going…”

[undreaming-fanfiction]

A night to remember: The Magician and the Dancer

Fandom: Cats the musical Rating: T Pairing: multiple in future chapters, Tuggoffelees, Victoria/Plato, Demeter/Munkustrap etc. Category: magical circus AU, slow burn Chapter number: 3 Chapter summary: On the siblings mastering their gifts, their journey as performers and the seven kittens that Quaxo produced right out of a hat.

The previous chapter: The Gifts

The first weeks were spent practicing. Quaxo would test the limitations of his gift, swapping things in various locations and even managing to conjure up a thing or two, such as sparkles, glitter or tiny floating lights. Surprisingly, these were very easy for Quaxo to produce and even gave him a sense of calm. It seemed that those tiny alterations of reality he could do even included partial changes of how people perceived them; the shabby black suit he bought in a thrift store had looked anything but fitting for a magician, but Quaxo's decision that it should was apparently enough - the black was suddenly darker, the washed-out spots became glittery and flashy. And as for him...well, no one would come and watch a short fifteen year old scrawny boy perform magic. And once again, a minor alteration of reality was enough - Quaxo's unruly black hair and dark eyes, both of which often gave him a closed-off and aloof appearance, were now perceived as mysterious, intriguing. As he was getting more confident in his powers, he started to realize he wasn't keen on not using them, for whatever reason. If this was to be their only shot for a better life, he would go all out. He never offered to alter anything about Victoria though and she too never asked - to him, her dancing was perfection on its own and he would never want her to feel inadequate, that she is not enough.

Quaxo and Victoria learned very quickly that success had very little to do with actual superiority of skill. Luck, on the other hand, was what decided if they would eat the following evening or not. On those days when fortune decided to look in a different direction, Quaxo's gift would come in handy; a would-be coincidental turn of head to catch a glimpse of Quaxo's latest trick, a lucky stuble of a clumsy child who would become helplessly enchanted once Victoria helped him back on his feet, all those were only a matter of single thought for Quaxo. Slowly, they started rebuilding their lives. The goal was to get off the street and have a roof and a bed of their own, he decided.

The beginnings were difficult, but the siblings persisted. They would always find a spot during a busy time in the city, set the stage and begin their performance. They soon figured out that the best way to make people notice them was to focus on children - they were enthusiastic and ready to find a spark of magic in all mundane things. From there, it was easy to work their charm on the parents as well. When they gathered enough attention, Quaxo would clear his throat and greet the audience.

The boy honestly hated talking in front of people, even more so in a loud voice, but as there was no other option, he had to learn - learn how to capture the onlookers, how to sell his strange new power to them. Victoria kept commenting on his performance, make it more grand, more dramatic, more exciting!, and even though he felt like a fool at first, he had to admit that as time passed, he felt more and more at ease with his exaggerated gestures and magical exclamations. It was like acting out a beloved role, being someone he always felt he should become. After the greeting, he blew colourful sparks at the watching children, then made them disappear with a snap of his fingers. Then he made one of the parents take off his hat and produced a long, rainbow-coloured scarf from it, which he promptly handed over to Victoria for her dancing performance.

The children's eyes lit up as his sister gracefully moved with the music, and Quaxo felt something swelling in him, a strange sense of belonging. He added a trick here and there, changing the pattern of her dress, conjuring a shadow which was moving independently from her...small, but impressive things. Sometimes he didn't really plan them, they just happened on their own, leaving him as surprised as the onlooking children - he would lean against a wall and accidentally left a sparkly outline on it. When he sneezed, glitter would appear and cover the nearest member of the audience. He even created a local shower (a very local one. A man who catcalled Victoria during her performance found himself under a small cloud of rain which followed him wherever he went. Quaxo had no idea how to make it disappear and frankly, he didn't care to either). He wondered how many sides of his gift he had yet to discover.

---

Over several years, slowly but surely, their reputation grew. There was a small crowd waiting for them every day when they came to perform, some adults even approached the pair to request their presence at children's parties. Those were the moments Quaxo felt the happiest - sharing his unique power with others, their eyes full of wonder that mirrored his own, as he still could not believe that it was him doing these things, him putting smiles on their faces. Their quality of life was also improving, they finally managed to save enough money to rent a small apartment and the first night spent in a proper bed they could call their own sent Victoria shedding happy tears and even Quaxo, who often made playful jabs at her for being too emotional, found himself suppressing a sniffle.

After their performance became a regular and welcome occurrence on the street, something incredible happened. A man approached the pair when they were packing up their equipment and made them an offer - they could become performers at his club, giving them a steady income. Quaxo and Victoria did not think twice - how could they pass on an opportunity like that?

---

The club became their main source of income from then on, though they still performed on the street and at children's parties. The atmosphere there was usually nice and the owner didn't ask too many unnecessary questions, such as why Victoria would sometimes forget herself and "speak" without moving her lips. There were also some interesting regulars who would come and watch them perform; a number of parents with children that followed them from the street to support them, a couple of skeptics who wanted nothing more than to prove they knew how Quaxo's tricks worked (and obviously failed every time, which fortunately peersuaded them to visit again and again). There were also several love-struck young men who stared at Victoria as if she had been one of the seven wonders of the world. The most interesting ones were two men that never sat together, but always attended the same performance. One of them was in his late twenties or early thirties and, as Quaxo noted with amusement, looked like a rebel. He had a wild mane of light brown hair and always wore a leather jacket with a furry collar. He seemed laid-back and easily bored, but his eyes were sharp and never left the siblings. The other one was even stranger; he was very tall, thin and whenever their eyes met, Quaxo could never hold the gaze for long. It was intense, like staring at the sun. He too watched the performances with an unnerving focus.

Other than these strange audience members, the siblings were rather happy about their situation and their days fell into a pleasant routine. One day, they found a litter of kittens in the club's backyard, tiny and helpless creatures, apparently abandoned by their mother. They asked around, tried to get someone to adopt them, to no avail. Finally, Victoria refused to leave them in the cold and gathered them in her coat, taking them to the dressing room.

I want to help them, she gestured towards them, but...

"Yeah...but." Quaxo sighed heavily. They both knew that even though they made enough money to be comfortable, they could not afford to submit the kittens to their uncertain lifestyle. No one knew how long their employment would last. "I asked everyone. The boss is allergic. Everyone either can't have them in their flat because of landlord rules, can't afford to have one or doesn't have a permanent address."

Victoria tapped her fingers impatiently, then nudged Quaxo's arm. Maybe someone in the audience? Those people are usually well off, living in their own houses. We know some of them from the children's parties. If you're clever about it...

Her brother groaned and closed his eyes. "Clever about it? No pressure there, Victoria...the only fortunate thing is, I have two more hours to think it through."

She smiled and ruffled his hair. I know you won't let them down.

---

Despite his complaining and grumbling, Quaxo was clever. By six thirty, when their performance was about to begin, he had a pretty good idea of what he wanted to achieve. Defining a goal was crucial, and once he set his mind on something, he was able to follow through. This evening, his goal was to get all seven kittens new owners and good homes. And to prove that Victoria was right in placing her trust in him, of course.

As always, there was a number of children in the audience. He chose a tiny girl in the first row who seemed lonely, standing apart from the group of chatting kids and shyly glancing in their direction. This one could work, he thought, now only to persuade the parents. He let the kittens rest in the dressing room he shared with Victoria, but not before bestowing some of his magic on them.

He bowed and waited for the noise to quiet down, noting with slight annoyance that the two strange men were present yet again. The rebellious-looking one seemed to be surrounded by people he was either graciously ignoring or, if they invaded his personal space, shooing away impatiently. The tall and thin one was alone in a corner, alone. "Ladies and gentlemen!" he began his speech, "thank you for joining us this lovely evening. Alas, I find myself needing your help tonight. As you know," he made his voice go quieter and leaned down towards the entranced children, "I use magic to entertain you. And magic, ladies and gentlemen, can be unpredictable! It can even be dangerous!" Waiting for the gasps of horror to quiet down, he continued. "But do not fear! You can help me to get my magic under control again! I can transfer the overflowing magic to you, saving us all from harm and perhaps even leaving something magical in your possession!"

"How can we help?!" called a young boy, hopping up and down to be noticed. "Let us help you, mister magician!" The other children joined in, drowning Quaxo's voice in their enthusiastic chattering.

The magician silenced them with a kind, but strict gesture. "I am glad you asked, young man! I will need an assistant, but not everyone will do, no. I need someone caring and responsible, someone who will accept any form the magic takes!" He scanned the audience, pretended to carefully judge each child before pointing to the shy girl. "You, young lady. Would you like to join me on stage?" When he saw her hesitation, he smiled at her and held out his hand. "There is nothing to be afraid of. My magic has never hurt anyone."

As soon as the girl was on stage, Quaxo quietly took a very deep breath. This was the decisive moment. "Now, young lady. Are your parents here with you?" When she nodded, he smiled at her. "Good. Because no matter what form my magic takes today, you can take it home with you. This is not the first time I have had to transfer its piece to someone else, you see. The last time, it took a shape of a cactus!" he lied through his teeth and waited for the children to stop giggling. "Before then, it was a swarm of butterflies. Once it was a parakeet! Magic is energy and therefore it can only manifest as a living creature or a plant, do you understand?"

The girl nodded and Quaxo felt a tinge of pride because her shy expression finally gave way to excitement. She seemed almost hopeful. "Yes, mister magician!"

"Splendid! Now, if by any chance your parents do not approve of you keeping a piece of my magic, that is absolutely fine. I will just have to hold on to it for a little longer, for the magical creature or plant needs to be safe and happy, otherwise it could have unwelcome consequences! But these pieces of magic make wonderful companions. For instance, the parakeet still lives with another young lady who helped me during a performance and it always makes her days brighter. Now, could I ask your parents for the permission to proceed?"

The little girl turned towards the audience and joined her hands in a pleading gesture. "Please, daddy? Can we?"

A man near the doorway chuckled, seeming a little nervous. "As long as it isn't an elephant or something like that." Not really the most enthusiastic answer, but Quaxo would take it.

The magician bowed and turned his attention back to the girl. "Thank you, kind sir. Now, young lady. Please stand on the opposite side of the stage. My dear sister," he gestured to Victoria who emerged from the backstage, "is carrying two top hats. I will keep one and you will hold the other one, yes?" He waited for her confirmation before he continued. "Hold it in both hands, like this. I will pour my magic into this hat now, slowly..." He held the in one hand, the other one moving over it and producing sparkling, colourful glitter that shined brightly in the stage lights. "Close your eyes, please. And when I say the magic word, reach into the hat to receive a piece of my magic. Ready?" The audience went completely quiet as Quaxo circled his hand in a magical gesture around the rim. "Presto!" he called out.

The young girl squeaked in surprise. "It's heavier!" Reaching into the hat, she gasped in surprise and (as Quaxo noted with a sigh of relief), open affection - in her arms, there was a tiny cat kitten with glitter sparks all over its fur. It was black all over except for its paws - those were white, almost as if it was wearing socks. Its round eyes were innocent and charming, irresistible for children and adults alike. She stared at the kitten in awe before nuzzling it with affection and jumping off the stage, running to her father. "Daddy! Daddy, look! Look at the magical kitten!" When the father caved in and allowed his daughter to keep the tiny creature, Quaxo knew he had just won.

From then on, things were easy. He only had to announce that he still had overflowing magic he needed to transfer and almost all children in the audience immediately started shouting over each other, wanting to be the one to get a magical companion. Quaxo always chose the more lonely or shier ones and repeated the process with them, making sure the parents were okay with their children participating and adopting a pet. The kittens didn't need much of his magic to be enchanting - they were tiny, cute and innocent, all that Quaxo had to do was calm them down and make sure their coat would be shiny and glittery when they were pulled out of the hat. Perhaps the magic would fade as they would grow older, but by then, the children will love them for who they are, not who they appear to be.

He had the children stand in different parts of the club, the ovations getting louder and louder as the distance increased. Once, the child even held the hat together with his father, but Quaxo wasn't worried - as long as he knew where to swap the kitten, he was confident (he had been swapping them with the glitter poured into the hat, he assumed Victoria's coat would be impossible to wash by now, the sparkles absolutely everywhere). Finally, he pulled out the seventh kitten and announced that his magic is all under control now, thanked everyone and proceeded to conclude the show with a few tricks, the audience's all-time favourites.

After the show ended, Quaxo made his way back to the dressing room and collapsed on the nearest chair. Victoria was right behind him, practically glowing. That was amazing, brother! I knew you could do it, you were spectacular! And all those kittens have homes now, did you see the way those children looked at them? They will definitely be loved. Then, noticing he was paler than usual, she frowned. Are you alright?

Quaxo was about to answer that yes, of course, but then he stopped himself. "I...feel a bit drained," he admitted. "I have never done so many swapping tricks in a row, not to mention with living things. But...I'm glad it worked out," he smiled at her and relaxed.

Me too, she beamed at him. Oh, by the way! I almost forgot. A man from the audience, you know, the tall and scary one? He gave me this. She handed him a handwritten note. It said:

Mr. Magician and Ms. Dancer,

I have thoroughly enjoyed your performance today. You may have noticed I have been observing your talents for a while. After today, I am absolutely convinced that your unique talents are exactly what I am looking for. I would very much like to meet you after your performance tomorrow, if you allow me to. I am certain you will find the offer I am about to make interesting and mutually beneficial.

With sincere regards,

Macavity

"Strange," commented Quaxo and re-read the note again and again, as if it would start making more sense. "What do you think he is offering?"

Victoria shrugged. Who knows? We'll see tomorrow!

---

In front of the club, the other visitor frowned. He saw Macavity hand the dancer a paper, which meant his time was running out. He had to act quickly. Turning his back on the club, he took long, fast strides towards the edge of the town. Munkustrap and Old Deutoronomy definitely had to be informed of the recent events.

The next chapter: One of us

[chiseler]

Puttin’ on the Ritz

No fame is more fleeting than the showbiz kind. Some entertainers are just too much in and of a particular time. In the 1920s Harry Richman was a big star, billed as the Greatest Entertainer In America. He could sing and play piano, dance and act a little; he ran a hugely successful nightclub, was the toast of Broadway and, very briefly, a star in Hollywood; he wrote or introduced several songs that are still sung. But most of all he just personified the Roaring Twenties. He was the sleek, rakish, vaguely smarmy bon vivant in top hat and tails who was enjoying the decade's non-stop party as much as you were. It's been said that he was to the 1920s what the Rat Pack were to their era. Harry's career peaked just as the party crashed to a halt at the end of the decade, and he faded out in the 1930s. If his name comes up at all today, it's probably less often as an entertainer than as a footnote in aviation history.

He was born Harry Reichman in Cincinnati in 1895. His dad, a Russian Jewish immigrant, started out peddling eyeglasses door to door, carrying all his equipment on his back. He worked his way up to a prosperous wholesale business and real estate empire, and developed a taste for the high life. It killed him by the time Harry was an adolescent. In his thoroughly entertaining (sometimes suspiciously so) 1966 autobiography A Hell of a Life, Harry paints himself as a fecklessly scheming kid who grew up quick. At nine, he writes, he was a weekend ticket taker at an amusement park, shortchanging every customer he could because he was saving up to marry his childhood sweetheart. One night he showed off his ill-gotten riches by taking the girl out on the town. They stayed out too late to go home, so Harry got them a hotel room. When the cops burst through the door in the wee hours they found the kids sleeping fully clothed on separate beds. A doctor confirmed that the girl's honor was intact. Her dad put the kibosh to their romance anyway.

Harry's mother bought him piano lessons, dreaming he'd be a concert pianist, but like most kids at the time he was more interested in ragtime and jazz. He left home at around fourteen and headed to Indianapolis. There he and a kid who played fiddle went door to door in the kind of neighborhoods where an upright in the parlor wasn't uncommon. They'd bang out a few popular tunes for spare change. As Remington & Reichman they were soon touring the very small-time Webster circuit of vaudeville theaters in the Dakotas and Canada, known to vaudevillians as the Death Trail. Harry kept working his way around the west, singing at the piano in saloons and whorehouses, working as a singing waiter in restaurants, as part of a "Hawaiian" hula act in a circus sideshow. At the 1915 Panama-Pacific International Exhibition in San Francisco he was in a musical act that opened for Harry Houdini, fifteen shows a day. Playing in Los Angeles clubs favored by the movie crowd he got to be pals with Charlie Chaplin and Al Jolson, whom he idolized. Jolson got him a shot at Ziegfeld's Midnight Frolic, the late-night club revue that gave Eddie Cantor his big break. Harry raced to New York, but flopped and was canned after only one night. He was so despondent he ran off and joined the Navy.

He arrived back in New York in 1920, just when Prohibition did too. Now he and the city were ready for each other. On vaudeville stages he found work as an accompanist for headliners like the singer Nora Bayes and the beautiful twin Dolly Sisters, and for a while was Mae West's on-stage pianist and straight man. He was reluctant to speak lines at first because he had a lisp that he could hide more easily when singing. West convinced him it was a distinguishing feature. He soon got top billing on his own on the Keith-Albee circuit. He also played at ritzy speakeasies like the Beaux Arts, where, he claims, Prohibition's hostess with the mostest Texas Guinan stole her signature line "Give the little girls a big hand" from him.

Nils T. Granlund, known as NTG, was both a radio pioneer and the publicist for Marcus Loew's movie theater empire. He hired Harry to headline live radio shows from Loew's State Theatre, the movie palace in Times Square. Harry plugged new songs on air, like Billy Rose's "Does the Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?" With NTG's help he opened his own Club Richman just behind Carnegie Hall. Harry made it one of the most opulent and exclusive nightclub/speakeasies in town. A lot of Broadway and movie stars became regulars, as of course did Mayor Jimmy Walker, and the Vanderbilts and Whitneys, and foreign royalty -- you saw everybody who was anybody there.

Or wanted to be somebody, like the chorus girl Lucille Le Seur. Accounts vary as to how Lucille got into the swank club. In one version, she convinced NTG, her sugar daddy at the time, to get her a spot in the club dancing the Charleston. NTG introduced her to Loew, who arranged a screen test at MGM, where she'd get her first tiny roles in 1925. Studio chief Louis B. Mayer decided her name sounded like Le Sewer, so the studio ran a publicity campaign in which the fans got to give her a new name: Joan Crawford. She never liked it.

For his part, Harry claimed that he discovered Crawford. He did have an eye for the beauties. He was one of the first to spot Jean Harlow, Sally Rand and Maureen O'Sullivan. Harry was an infamous ladies' man, bedding a long line of beauties from chorus girls to socialites to Harlow, maybe Rand, and Clara Bow. According to Harry, his office at the club had a secret door for sneaking them in and out while their husbands or dates drummed their fingers at their tables thinking they were just taking a long time powdering their noses. He says that the Hollywood Bowl couldn't hold all the women he had, and classes himself "a specialist in man's favorite sport."

Between the club and his other gigs Harry minted money and became the playboy nonpareil. He wore the finest bespoke suits and carried a gold cigarette case with his initials on it in diamonds. He commuted in a Rolls from Manhattan to his big house out on the water in Beechhurst, Queens, where he had a yacht and threw Gatsby-like parties for celebrities, beauties and millionaires. He learned to fly and kept a growing fleet of planes at nearby Flushing Airport. Harry worked hard, played hard, drank oceans of booze and smoked whole fields of tobacco. Everyone marveled at his stamina and joie de vivre even in that over-the-top decade.

In 1926, while still playing the host at his club, Harry got a featured role on Broadway in George White's Scandals, one of several knockoffs of the Ziegfeld Follies. After a boffo year it toured other cities, including Cincinnati, where, he notes ruefully, it tanked. In 1930 he headlined Lew Leslie's International Revue, where he introduced "On the Sunny Side of the Street." And in 1931 he made it, finally, into the Follies as well. He got his choice of songs to perform, including "Lullaby of Broadway." He was at the top of his career in those shows, the king of Broadway; his friend Eddie Cantor memorably said he wore Broadway like a boutonniere.

He didn't do so well in Hollywood. He starred, playing himself as "Harry Raymond," in the 1930 musical Puttin' on the Ritz, in which he introduced the song by his pal Irving Berlin. The movie did mediocre business then and is barely watchable now except for that number, Harry gliding around in front of an army of dancers with his top hat tilted over one eye. His recording of the song, which some consider the best, was a hit. (Among his other records are Berlin's "Blue Skies," his own "Muddy Waters" and a pretty wonderful Jolson-ish rendition of "Ain't She Sweet.") While in Hollywood to make the film he met Clara Bow. Teamed up at first for publicity purposes only, they became a hot item and got engaged. Then she suddenly married someone else. Hearing the news, he says, was the only time in his life that he fainted.

He'd make only two more feature films and one short. He sums them up this way: "All were forgettable. It became clear to me that whatever I had was best projected in person, either on the stage or in a night club." By the time he made the last film, released in 1938, he was well past his prime. When the Depression hit and then Prohibition ended, guys like Harry, icons of the Roaring Twenties, just didn't fit the new reality. To his credit, he didn't hang around like some other ghosts of the 1920s did. He left New York and settled in Miami, which was booming and lousy with new nightclubs where he could coast for a few years on his dazzling past. He went fishing with Hemingway and played with his airplanes.

His real fame in the 1930s came in fact as a flyer. In the mid-1930s he'd set altitude and speed records. Then in 1935 he and the pilot Dick Merrill made the world's first round-trip transatlantic flight in a single-engine plane. They filled the plane with tens of thousands of ping-pong balls as flotation devices should they land in the soup. Harry being Harry, after reaching Wales on the outward leg of the trip, they flew on to Paris to party all night with Maurice Chevalier before making the return flight. They landed upside-down in a Newfoundland bog, but they made it. It wasn't as big a deal as Lindbergh's one-way crossing in 1927, but Harry calls it the high point of his life.

Harry didn't make much news after that. He played some clubs through the 1940s, his looks and voice rough from all that carousing and smoking. He still had lots of friends in the show business who tried to engineer comebacks for him, but the public had long since forgotten him. By the time A Hell of a Life came out in 1966 he'd spent the millions he'd made in his heyday and was living alone, quietly and frugally, in Burbank, an old guy who'd gone full-tilt as long as he could, had a hell of a lot of memories and not too many regrets. He died in 1972.

by John Strasbaugh

[polygamyff]

25.

I gathered my stuff and rushed to my mother’ in the middle of the night, I was going to stay at home but why would I when I still have my bed here. My mom saw the excitement in my face to just be home, I haven’t been home since. Khaleesi keeps on jumping on me but I need to see my daughter “I can’t thank you enough for taking in the dog too because you really didn’t have too” stroking the top of Khaleesi’ head “it’s ok, mommy is losing sleep for you but I rather take that than you but Reign is asleep now, come” smiling down at my dog “you miss me girl? Awww baby, I missed you too” Khaleesi is so overjoyed, just jumping around “come on girl” walking up the steps behind my mother “I just want to hold my daughter before I sleep, I’m just feeling empty inside mom. I saw my pouch in the bathroom and then I assumed my stitches have teared but there is nothing I can do but pray it just heals” my mom abruptly stopped and turned to me “no! You in the morning are going to get that fixed, it will infect. I am not surprised Robyn. So much stress and moving” my mom started walking up again “when I had you I was in bed, I never left the bed and look at you? You have done so much, I am so proud of you Robbie” sighing out heavily “thank you mom, it’s nice to hear such things. I am just in shock with everything that had gone on, I don’t think I have digested everything in. That’s why I do feel like I am in a twilight zone” I do miss being here, being at home with my parents “so baby, we have done the bedroom up for my grandchild, you ready to see?” I didn’t even know they was “yes I am, is dad asleep?” I thought he may have awoken “yes, he’s going to do the rest of the feeds now” my mother opened the door “it’s not much but this is her room” I cooed out at the decked out pink room “mom! This is so cute! How much did you spend? This is so cute” walking into the bedroom “thank you, your father did the wallpaper and laid the carpet down, all pink for her” walking over to the crib “look at her wrapped up all warm in her blanket, oh how I miss you princess. I miss you in my stomach keeping me content and warm” I miss my daughter with all my heart “I’m happy to see her, now I can sleep” she is so perfect to me, in every way.

Hugging my mom “I thank you so much, the support you have given right from the start. You could have easily said I was stupid, like everyone is thinking” moving back from the hug “who is calling you stupid Robyn?” My mom questioned “the blogs have found out who I am, I am the mistress, the mystery woman that stole Maurice, I sought him out at the wedding. I’m thinking on who it could be because Maurice’ dad called me mistress too, I just don’t know. I am getting bad mouthed now, I did nothing wrong but be dragged into this circus family. I just wanted to have peace. I’m scared to see any other headline, they have exposed you, dad and me. I am so sorry mom” I apologised because they didn’t ask for this “don’t say sorry, it’s ok. Just stop, we will speak tomorrow. I want you to go and rest in bed. Let me and your dad handle things with Reign” my mom is so good, looking down at Khaleesi “you want to come with me baby?” She is so happy, her tail wagging everywhere “come on then” opening my bedroom door.

Stretching my body out, the feel of being in a bed, the feel of actually resting feels amazing. I can’t stop smiling, Khaleesi is still asleep on top of the covers, I have missed her so much. Touching her head lightly, I feel better about myself now. Only god knows what time it is, I know for sure it’s late because I did come home late. Smiling wide as I moved onto my back, I am so happy to have slept but the pain between my legs is not it, I am in pain. Reaching over for my phone, I hope there is nothing else in regards to bad news anyways. Seeing that Leon has text me but no call from Shawn or the family, unlocking my phone and opening the message.

From: Leon

To: Robyn

Sorry friend….

He included a link, do I want to see this. My curiosity kills me, clicking the link and watched it open to TMZ “fuck my life” I said to myself, the first thing I see is the picture of Marquis and Maurice but it’s an old picture of them, Maurice looks so cute and scared there “my baby” I pouted my lips, he is holding Marquis ever so close here. Maybe that was the day Maurice told me about when he got scared and his dad consoled him, that is actually cute. Scrolling down “Marquis Davenport has said to have had an heart attack. The Billionaire was at hospital by his son’ side, it was said the stress of seeing his son that way really hurt him” side eyeing the post and whoever is leaking this shit “after hearing his thirty year old son has had an affair with Robyn Willis” rolling my eyes seeing the picture of me, Leon, Maurice and Beyonce “Maurice is now a father to a daughter which is now in line to the Davenport empire, Maurice is still married to Naomi, Robyn sought out Maurice” I cannot be bothered, I ain’t reading that shit anymore. Dropping my phone on the bed which made Khaleesi jump awake “morning girl, you need to go out and pee? I will open the door” I need to build the courage up and get up, I am in pain and I know it’s infected.

I was about to get out of bed but the door suddenly opened “are you decent?” my mom spoke “yes, why?” my mom opened the door wider “your father wants to see you” Khaleesi ran off the bed “and we bought a little visitor that is awake” I gasped seeing my daughter “my little pumpkin, is she actually awake? Hi dad” I said smiling at him “me and Reign have been discussing the news, she likes it” my dad is acting like she does “you mean she is bored, let me see her” my dad walked around the bed “she is drifting off to sleep though” I don’t even care, let me see my baby girl now “awww who got her this headband? I am sure it wasn’t me? Awww my baby is wearing a dress?” taking Reign from my dad “my baby is wearing a dress for mommy? You look so beautiful” pressing kisses to her cheek, with my hand behind Reign’ head and the other under her body, holding her out to me “mommy missed you so much and you falling asleep on me, baby girl. Wake up” slowly resting Reign’ body onto my legs with my hand still supporting her head “you are so perfect, you going to be a mommy’ girl? You miss me?” lightly touching Reign’ cheek with my free hand, a sudden smile grew on my daughter’ face “oh my heart” I gasped “she missed you, she knows her mother’ touch” god, the love I am feeling right now.

I hissed out, the pain. I got up quickly “I can’t sit” I said through gritted teeth “we are taking you to the hospital, get you checked out. Let me get you a pillow. Sit on it slowly” when I am finally thinking of myself I am feeling this, I have not really rested at all “there you are, slowly sit down. I will bring you breakfast” my mother held the top of my arm helping me to lower down, scrunching my face up as I sat down “god help me, I don’t think I can get up. The pain is so bad” looking over at my dad holding Reign “you can’t keep on picking her up dad, she going to always want it” he looks so cute with her “but I did this with you, you loved it. You love cuddles, she reminds me of you. I want to be a dad again” rolling my eyes “can you both please, just think of Reign and take care of her” my mom chuckled “you are something else, free babysitting services here” taking the Orange Juice from my mom “thank you but I do appreciate you both, she has got the best grandparents ever. She is so lucky” I know my dad will spoil her, so will my mom and then she has Maurice and I, Nalah, Malik, Shawn. She will be spoilt, and how can I forget Leon.

Leon stared at me in fear “so your coochie split open again? Oh god friend, so your coochie really just ripped?” Leon looks so disgusted “they have sewed me back up now Leon, but I will be ok” I am walking so funny “oh girl, you are so strong. Have you always been in so much pain throughout this whole ordeal?” nodding my head “I have had tablets now, I should be ok. I just need to be careful like my mother has said, be good. I will now, I just need to rest” I feel so much better now that I have slept, seen my baby girl “how is the little queen, I am so sad I couldn’t see her” Leon said “she is ok, oh god. She smiled at me, like I just held her and started touching her face and she smiled. She misses me” hopefully her father will be out soon, then she will have us both “little diva is trying to be good for you, all y’all been through so much stress, y’all need serious time together. Peace and quiet, secluded place” Leon ain’t wrong with that, that sounds like a good idea to me “I need to be angry with him first, after I see him awake first of course” I am excited to see him awake, we have so much to talk about.

My mom also came with me to the hospital to see Maurice, hopefully they are allowing this. It’s good to not see the hallways full of the family, she really meant it when she kicked them all out “where have you actually been?” Damon said, he looks not happy with me “erm at home, you have my number” which he does “well I don’t have the time for that but Maurice has woke up finally, he’s being a little reluctant in the fact he should be here, I think he was a little lost with everything going on. He is well Robyn” I felt a sigh of relief “do the family know?” I asked “no, I just told you. He has just woke up ten minutes ago, they are just checking his pressure. We are looking to move him now, he is asking to leave already so I am sure you can tell him no, right?” nodding my head smiling “I can, let me just tell the family” walking off towards the waiting room, now I have a spring to my step. I can’t wait to see him, looking through the window. Shawn and Maik are both asleep, us women are always awake. Pushing open the door “hey, I just thought I would let you know Maurice is awake. Nobody can see him yet, I will let you know” Nalah sighed out “thank you god, can you please find out about my dad?” nodding my head “mom, Leon. Stay here” let me go and see the idiot baby daddy of mine.

Damon has been a life saver, with everything going on he has been there for me and supporting me “do you know anything about Marquis Davenport?” I am sure he does “oh god yeah, I walked in and heard. Robyn, I feel so bad. I was really happy when he woke up. But they said he is out of the operation and he is ok. Marquis and Maurice are high profiled and now are treating them as secret, which is annoying. They was telling me that I shouldn’t be here, I goes I work in this department. Marquis has a officer outside his room but they should be able to see him now, someone should have said anyways” if anyone stops me I will cuss them out “thank you, honestly. You have been there for me, you helped me see him and I appreciate that. Just walk around for me, check of those vultures are not in there” Damon laughed walking ahead of me pushing the doors “I don’t think so, there was a nurse because he didn’t want to sit” sounds about right, I stayed behind a little and let Damon go first. Damon pushed the curtain back a little “I don’t like this guy” my smile grew, that is Maurice and he is awake. Damon looked over at me “well you have no choice, we are moving you soon” the nurse said to him “I’m fed up” Damon moved back as I made my way to where he stood “if you stopped threatening to leave then I wouldn’t need to sit here” he is a pain in the ass this boy “I can pay you to go” crossing my arms across my chest, the nurse looked at me. Maurice turned his head to see where she is looking “Maurice.”

[1dffexchange]

Off the Grid

To: Morgan @redcalvinsharry

From: Hannah @primetimewritings​

Summary: An OU where full time skincare blogger and facialist, Olivia James, finds herself in the middle of a Vogue party and runs into childhood friend, Liam Payne. The two rekindle their friendship that was P.O.D (Pre-One Direction) but their friendship is anything but easy. With her stubborn and independent nature, Olivia fails to see the best things in front of her...which includes Liam. A story about skincare, reconnecting, and discovering true feelings. 

Author’s Note: Morgan, please enjoy! This was quite self indulgent for me but I thoroughly enjoyed writing it! 

For a Tuesday morning, Oxford Street was eerily quiet. Pedestrians normally streamed out of Oxford Circus Station, pushing and shoving to get to their destinations. But that morning, Olivia James ascended the stairs out onto Oxford Street with Topshop appearing in front of her and few shoppers in sight. It was early enough still that people hadn’t made it out yet. Olivia only noticed when she realized she didn’t have to keep checking herself on the sidewalks out of paranoia that she was going to walk into someone.

She had her sights on Selfridges in the distance. The giant iconic department store stood like a commanding and inviting presence on the block. It was where Olivia got her start into skincare and where she loved to return to any chance she got. Selfridges demanded attention sheerly because of its grandiose exterior and the even more inviting temptation of every designer under the sun and levels of shopping inside.

Olivia paused at the curb, checking for oncoming cars before footing it across in her Chelsea boots. Although she loved to browse and wander down in the food hall in the bottom of Selfridges, she had to pop into the Beauty Hall first. She was helping out at the Kiehl’s counter that day where her best friend and flatmate, Frannie, worked. Olivia lended her expertise to skincare brands and stores across London because it was what she did.

She fell into the blogging world in Uni for an assignment set by her professor to start a blog and maintain it for a month. The month passed quickly, Olivia aced the assignment, and kept going with her blog. In the early days, she wrote about whatever she wanted. Mostly about what she bought and her thoughts on skincare and makeup. She spent too many days watching girls go out to the pub wearing five pounds of makeup only to watch it flake and rub off by the end of the night. Olivia eventually figured out it was due to lack of moisturizer which turned into her harping on Frannie to take her makeup off after a night out at the pub.

Like most bloggers shared on various platforms, Olivia never planned to blog full time. Somehow she got picked up by a small PR agency that held its ground with representing bloggers and swinging loads of free products for their clients. Along with blogging, she was a qualified aesthetician. She loved lending a hand to various spas and popping into skincare offices to give facials to their clients. She felt some weird high and passion when it came to massaging moisturizer into someone’s face. Even Frannie didn’t get it but damn if she didn’t love when Olivia would give her an at home facial.

Olivia breezed through the giant doors, smiling as she walked through the handbag department. Some of the employees gave her a friendly wave as she passed. Helping out in stores was like working in retail again but she got to avoid all of the bullshit that usually came with a retail job. Frannie made sure that she didn’t get too far away from her retail roots though by sharing all the crap she had to put up with at the Kiehl’s counter. Olivia would gladly humble Frannie’s moans by pointing out that it was thanks to Olivia that Frannie even had a job. She usually went mum after that.

She spotted Frannie cleaning out some dirt from under her fingernails while leaning over a counter with a Jo Malone rep chatting her up. Frannie laughed and rolled her eyes at whatever the bloke said, but her eyes were glassy. She was completely checked out and it made Olivia snort.

Frannie barely noticed Olivia walk up even though her boots made hell of alot of noise on the tile floor.

Olivia rolled her eyes, pulling her scarf off and stuffing it in her bag. She started to take in the products on the counter too, noting what was new and what had gone away.

At the sound of movement, her flatmate spun around, eyebrows raised at the sound.

“Oh, just you,” Frannie remarked, grinning cheekily.

“Oi, that’s a fine way to greet me.” Olivia hugged Frannie, pressing a cheek quickly to hers. “You seemed busy.”

Frannie rolled her eyes, pushing her hair over her shoulder. “Please, I just like to flirt. He’ll give me all the samples I could ever want if I just give him a bit of attention.”

Olivia shook her head, sorting through what the apothecary brand had on offer for the day. “Right, chat me up. Tell me what’s going on.”

She knew she needed to go ahead and get the work-y bits out of the way before she and Frannie delved into their usual string of gossip and utter nonsense that they usually fell into when they were together. Thankfully the Beauty Hall stayed quiet enough that Frannie could run through the newest products with Olivia without interruption. Even though they were there for customers, nothing was worse than being interrupted by a customer. That loss of concentration and emergence of irritation at the mere phrase of, “are you busy?” made Olivia’s skin crawl to the day.

After Olivia was chatted in, they ended up tag teaming some customers from Italy who spent around 300 pounds.

Grinning after her sale, Frannie rested her bony elbows on the counter. “Okay, so, what’ve you got going on tonight, Liv?”

Olivia was Olivia to her bosses, fellow bloggers, and her followers on Instagram but to Frannie, she was Liv, long time best friend from Uni and reliable flatmate who always hung her towel up after she used it.

Olivia blew a stray piece of hair out of her face from where she messed with it. “Well, I was gonna hang out here until early afternoon cos then I’ve got some conference calls I have to sit in on. Then I’ve got this party with Vogue tonight.”

Frannie twitched, making her stand up straight and her eyebrows flew into her hair. “Vogue?! What the bloody hell? You wait to tell me this!”

Liv jumped, surprised by her outburst. Frannie always thought the events Olivia went to were way cooler than they really were. Olivia was unbothered by the lavish party set up with guests schmoozing each other over what were normally overpriced cocktails. Olivia liked brand events the most out of her job, because they were usually more personal and intimate.

“Soz, I thought I had told you ‘cos I had a plus one.”

Frannie frowned, a fine line appeared between her perfectly brushed and filled in eyebrows. “No you didn’t. Fuck and I have a date with whatshisname from Bumble.”

Olivia glanced from her mobile screen that had just lit up to her best friend. “So? Cancel.”

“Nah, can’t. He’s fit as hell and said he’d take me to the Ivy for dinner. His dad’s got some sort of connection,” Frannie winked.

Olivia rolled her eyes, unamused. While Frannie was a known serial dater, swiping faster than Olivia could like a post on Instagram, Liv wasn’t bothered with the dating world. She’d had a serious boyfriend in high school but when he moved to Leeds for med school, Olivia broke up with him. She dated some after that but her work kept her busy enough and she got enough free dinners from brand events in the city.

Liv wasn’t jazzed about the event with Vogue anyways. She hadn’t a clue of who was going but she imagined it might be people who were way out of her league with actual talents like acting and singing. Frannie told her to stop being silly and make sure she set her makeup really well so she didn’t look like a goblin in the tabloids.

“Wow, cheers Fran,” Olivia replied.

Frannie smirked, wagging a finger in Olivia’s face. “Can’t be looking like Casper the Ghost with that flashback face, honey.”

**

After a brief two hours at home where Olivia blitzed her room before it dissolved into utter disaster, she headed back into central London but thankfully not on the tube. Instead, a black Mercedes came to pick her up. She felt out of her element in the back of the car that probably cost several years of her rent, but at least she looked good. The October weather was starting to turn with a chill in the air, particularly at night. Playing it safe, Olivia chose a pair of light wash high waisted boy jeans and a black lace silk camisole she had tucked into her trousers. She got away with layering her leather jacket over it since it was warmer than it seemed.

Olivia knew of a couple bloggers going to the Vogue event that night which made her feel less of a total loser. Experience taught her that explaining her job and what she did was tricky for people to understand usually. They always gave her a nod like they got it but walked away scratching their heads. Olivia even wondered sometimes how what she did was actual work. She got to talk about skincare with strangers all day. She loved doing that, so was it really work?

This thought constantly followed her but thankfully she couldn’t let it fester any longer since the car had pulled up to the hotel where the party was taking place. She could already tell from the hotel exterior that Vogue had pulled out all the stops to celebrate the new editor in chief and the new era he would bring in. Not only was it a celebration for the editor but it was also to kick off award season in the fashion world. Olivia really didn’t get how fashion awards had a whole season or let alone how many fashion award shows existed but she appreciated the invites when they came in.

Following the trails of gold balloons lining the walkway into the hotel and through the lobby, Olivia trailed behind some other party guests ahead of her, looking exquisitely posh and out of her league. Olivia giggled to herself out of disbelief that she’d landed here.

If the lobby was decked out, it was nothing compared to the top floor where a giant hall had been transformed for all of Vogue and its party guests. There was an underlying yet painfully obvious theme of gold throughout the room. Gold balloons continued through the room, but delicately dispersed so one would forget they existed until they turned a corner and found balloons strung along the walls, floating on the ceiling, and tied up around the room. The bartenders and servers wore tasteful black outfits and gold ties. Olivia even noticed the women working the party had gold highlighter dusted along their cheekbones and temples.

The hall as jammed with people of all kinds. Olivia held her breath when Alexa Chung passed by, wearing an outfit similar to Liv’s but she was looked loads better in hers. Women were tastefully dressed in clothes that were carefully put together for the right Instagram. One would think they just had incredible taste but Olivia knew it was all for the ‘gram.

High off her Alexa Chung sighting, Olivia sought out the bar and soon ran into a fellow fashion blogger she first met at a Jo Malone event years ago. They latched onto one another, giggling behind their cocktails over how unbelievably silly it was that they were there. Drinks in hand, Olivia joined a few more people who were experts at socializing. Unlike most parties that felt forced, Olivia felt the energy in the room inviting. She was moving from conversation to conversation, barely noticing when her drink was empty and a flute of champagne ended up in her hand. It was a bubbly gold of course.

A couple hours later, Olivia’s glass was empty and she wasn’t sure how many champagnes had been rotated through her hand. Excusing herself from a conversation between the head of the British Fashion Council and Made in Chelsea’s Frankie Gaff, Olivia snuck into the crowd in search of a glass of water. She accidentally stepped on someone’s toes at some point and when she turned back to apologize, the person was gone.

Olivia shrugged, turned around, and starred ahead. She blinked a few times, wondering if she was seeing things.

Liam Payne stood three feet away from her, drink in hand and eyebrows raised as he said something to some tall man that resembled a football player from Man United.

Impossible. In what world would he be here? Olivia wondered, still rooted to the spot. She didn’t even feel someone knock her in the shoulder, sloping part of their drink on her boot.

In her next breath, Liam looked her way. He did a double take like Olivia had, eyebrows furrowed in disbelief similar to Liv’s.

“Shit,” Olivia cursed.

She didn’t give him a chance to get another look because she took off in a span of two seconds. Easier said than done, she wove her way through, by passing niceties and just shoving her way out. She breathed a sigh of relief once she reached one of the golden bars set up near a wall.

The bartender in his gold tie eyed her as she popped out between three business suit clad men. “Can I get you something?”

A water. Get a glass of water. “Champagne, please.”

“Olivia? Olivia James, is that you?”

With a voice like honey with a touch of poshness, Olivia could still hear the Wolverhampton accent in his tone. Olivia resisted the urge to smile out of nervousness and looking like an idiot.

Fuck.

“Hi Liam, how are you?” She asked, feeling like an idiot as the words left her mouth. The hell do you know? He’s not even your friend! He’s mister big singer now or whatever!

Liam laughed, eyes crinkling at the corners like they always did. Somewhere in her chest, she felt a vibration. She saw the sixteen year old boy she knew before staring back at her but also a fit, rugged man with hair perfectly messed up and jeans that hugged him in all the right places.

He moved in quickly for a hug, embracing her like an old friend. Technically, they were old friends from the same circle in school. Olivia noticed how good he smelled too. Something significantly woody and a touch of spice. Undoubtedly manly and sophisticated. She tried to place it from all her hours in beauty halls across London.

“Miss, here’s your champagne.” The bartender broke whatever trance she was in, snapping her back to reality.

She blushed, taking the glass carefully so her slightly shaking hand didn’t spill it all over the floor.

“Who’re you here with? Can’t believe I didn’t see you before,” Liam asked, talking quickly and moving closer as some fashion bloggers Olivia didn’t know but recognized shuffled past. She picked up on the glances they threw over their shoulders towards Liam.

“Myself. I was invited,” she said lamely, lifting her glass to her lips.

Liam’s eyebrows went up. “Score Olivia, that’s amazing. What are you doing now?”

Olivia laughed then, suddenly she felt like she was at a high school reunion rather than one of the biggest parties in all of London. “I work in skincare. I manage relationships between brands and stores. I also recently became a licensed esthetician.”

“No shit, that’s amazing. Do you like it?” Liam asked. He kept having to move closer since people kept jostling around them, forcing them to inch nearer.

“Love it. I just sort of,” she shrugged, “fell into it I guess. But that’s how it happens sometimes, isn’t it?”

Liam nodded, sipping on his drink. Raising his hand, Olivia got a close look at the tattoo on his hand, it was so incredibly detailed that she wanted to reach out and examine it in hers. Good call on the champagne, she thought.

They stood rooted to their spots near the bar before someone almost toppled Olivia over into Liam. He suggested they move out of the fray and Olivia found herself removed from the party, perched on a lounger where she could observe the party rather than being caught in the middle of it. Liam sat next to her, his long legs bent towards her so he could hear better over the din of the music.

She and Liam went to school together back before he left for X Factor and never came back. The few friends he had were friends with Olivia’s friends. Olivia remembered Liam wasn’t that social or popular while they were in school but he was always invited to the same things as Olivia. Talking to him made her remember how he said once somewhere that he couldn’t get anyone to come to his sixteenth birthday party. That broke her heart at the time because Olivia remembered the invitation but she’d been on holiday with her family at the time, forcing her to miss it. She couldn’t even remember if she’d given him anything in the end. They weren’t good friends so probably not.

“This is still so crazy I’ve run into you here. I hear things from time to time from my mum, I don’t know if you remember her,” Liam said, pausing to sip his drink. “She might have mentioned once that you’d moved to London but I don’t remember.”

Olivia nodded, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear out of nervousness. “Do you get to talk to your mum often? I’m sure it’s hard to keep up with her. Or, I guess her with you.”

Liam shrugged humbly. “I mean, yes and no. Since I’m always travelling, I’m the one to call her ‘cos I know when I can reach her because she doesn’t always know where I am.” He chuckled at the end of his sentence. “It’s like I’m still a kid and I’ve snuck out and my parents don’t know where I’ve gone. It’s a lot like that.”

“God, that would drive me crazy,” Olivia shook her head.

“Believe me, it drives her nuts. She never knows what country I’m in or where I’ve gone to next.” Liam paused. “To be fair I hardly know myself. But, I want to hear about you. How many years has it been?”

Olivia shrugged, glancing towards the ceiling in thought. “Like, eight? Nine? Dunno, whenever you left to go off and be in the band on X Factor.” She smiled, noticing the way his lips perked automatically into a grin.

He shrugged. “Go on. What made you move to London from Wolverhampton?”

Olivia shrugged again. She told him how she started her blog in uni for a class and kept writing it even after the class was done. Once she graduated with a degree in Communications, she moved to London because Frannie needed a flatmate and Liv had no desire to return home right after uni.

“I moved out a couple months after I got my degree and I haven’t lived there since. Obvs I go home for like, Christmas holidays and stuff but that’s about it. I’m too busy now to go home as much as I’d like.” Olivia loved her mum and dad, her home, and the parks of Wolverhampton but London had her heart and her attention. She loved living in London where everything was just minutes away compared to how rural Wolverhampton could be.

Liam nodded, the soft mood lighting catching his eyes and offsetting the golden tones in his brown eyes. Olivia leaned further into the chaise.

They sat there catching up for a couple more hours while people milled around them. Occasionally someone would come by to say hi to Liam or Olivia (mostly Liam) and they’d exchange an awkward explanation about how they knew each other. Olivia made it awkward out of paranoia of people thinking they were something they weren’t.

At some point, a journalist came by to borrow Liam for a photo op. Claiming they needed photos before everyone who mattered left, Liam squeezed Olivia’s hand, promising to come back as soon as he could.

She watched him go, his tall stature cut through the crowd as he followed the journalist. Sighing to herself, she drained the last bits of her champagne and deposited it on a nearby table. She left the party easily, muttering a few goodbyes to those left that she knew, and slid back into a sleek towncar to take her back to her flat.

**

A week passed since the party and other than rehashing the whole thing to a very excitable Frannie, Olivia hadn’t thought about Liam again since. She rummaged through the goodie bag she was given when she left, sorted through it to find what she wanted, and gave the rest to Frannie.

Frannie kept asking Olivia if she’d heard from Liam again periodically. Olivia eventually snapped one Thursday night in their flat.

“No, I haven’t heard from him and why would I? He’s probably forgotten he even saw me in the first place,” Olivia retorted with a wave of her hand.

The next morning, Olivia was back on Oxford Street with plans to help out in Liberty’s Beauty Hall for a few hours before treating herself to mooch around in the upper levels of the iconic store. Her mobile buzzed in her bag. An unfamiliar number was on the screen, and like any normal person, Olivia would usually ignore it but since she was so close to Liberty, she worried the caller was someone telling her to cancel or plans had changed.

“Hello, this is Olivia James,” she answered in her best grown up business voice.

“Olivia, it’s Liam,” a voice replied on the other end.

Olivia stopped in her tracks like she had at the party almost two weeks ago. A man grumbled behind her at her sudden stop. Ignoring him, she pieced together a reply.

“Oh my God, what?” She replied rudely, instantly grimacing. “I mean, sorry, who?”

Liam laughed. “It’s Liam Payne. We went to school together? We ran into each other at that party a while back?”

Olivia wanted to slap herself on the forehead for answering. “Hi, ‘course I know who you are. I guess I’m just surprised you have my mobile number.”

“Uh, I may have gotten it from the party. For some reason people want to give me what I ask for. Although my mum says I’m stupid if I buy a life size Jurassic Park dinosaur for my backyard.”

“That would be stupid,” Olivia agreed. Great, insult him why don’t you?! God, kill me now.

“Hmm, guess I should cancel my dino order then from Amazon,” Liam suggested casually.

“Oh God, you’ve already gone and done it, haven’t you?” Olivia asked, moving out of the way of other pedestrians. It was Friday morning and Oxford Street was buzzing.

Liam laughed, sending ripples through Olivia. “No, no that would be stupid. But I’ve ordered stuff drunk off Amazon before. Those were some wild deliveries, let me tell you.”

“Please, spare me. It’ll probably just stress me out,” Olivia said. She hated when her PR boxes and other parcels piled up before she could get a grip on them.

“Why? Have you got some beef with Amazon?”

Olivia laughed. “Definitely not. They’ve come through when I need them most. I can’t stand the disorganization though. There’s too many cardboard boxes at my house right now.”

“Why don’t you get rid of them? Or are you trying to tell me you live in a cardboard box?” Liam joked.

“Yeah, that’s my secret. I’ve built a flat out of cardboard,” she answered with a shake of the head.

“No, that doesn’t make sense, because how does a girl like you get an invite to a party for Vogue. They must have thought you were pretty or something,” Liam wondered, his tone switched from joking to genuine. “You did look really pretty that night. Hope that’s okay I say that.”

Olivia blushed and touched her cheek. “Yeah, that’s, uh, fine. Thanks. I hate to do this, but I’ve got to go. I’m about to walk into work.”

“Oh right, I’m so sorry. I just wanted to say that I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I ran into you at the party that night,” Liam explained. His voice shook nervously, like he was carefully thinking over what he wanted to say. “I was just wondering if you’d want to have dinner with me sometime soon?”

Olivia paused, watching the traffic roll down Regent Street. “Yes, love to.”

**

Going on a date with Liam was a lot harder than Olivia thought it’d be. It wasn’t the date itself, it was making plans for the date. Liam’s calendar was so packed that he was barely in London through the rest of October. When he happened to be back in the city, Olivia had a full day of meetings, popping into whatever SpaceNK called her name, and staying glued to her phone for conference calls.

They finally had their first date two days before Halloween. Olivia dressed carefully in all black but smart in her black skinnies that made her butt look good. Even though she had on her amazing jeans, she wasn’t sure how she felt about Liam. Being with him still felt like they’re were kids in school. But when he looked at her, she knew something was different.

Throughout their date, he was observant and cheeky. He kept Olivia laughing and smiling as they rehashed stories of their childhoods. Olivia was glued to his stories about travelling with One Direction and travelling solo. They covered so many topics that wove themselves around Liam and Olivia, it was impossible to tell where one started and the other ended.

By the end of the night, they’d ended up at a bar Liam liked to go to because it was hidden amongst its competitors with a posh London crowd. Olivia noticed how relaxed he was when they were sat close in a round both, tucked away from bystanders. She realized once she got home that Liam didn't make her nervous like most dates did. Her shoulders usually shook from the anxiousness of a first date and figuring out the right thing to say. With Liam, she was tuned into him with her hand cupping the side of her face.

Their date ended by Liam dropping her at her flat and gave her a quick kiss good night, which left her with more questions than she had woken up with that morning.

**

October turned into November, leaving the cold weather hanging over London. It’s inhabitants bundled up in their coats, noses tucked behind scarves while they hurried wherever the tube took them. Two weeks passed before Olivia saw Liam again. She was jealous of his trip down to Australia where he was in shorts and t-shirts. Since their date, they talked once a day. The time zones were a bitch, making their conversations even more sporadic on top of all the work they were both swamped with.

However busy they were, Olivia started to getting excited whenever her phone went off with a message from Liam. Even though she was dying to jump up and down, she internalized her excitement and stayed focused on her work. While Liam was singing his way through Australia, Olivia was making appearances, talking skincare, and documenting her skin routines nightly on Instagram. Her Oyster card holder was starting to look worse for wear from how many times she slammed it down on the button.

Performing facials kept her mind off what was going on outside. She zoned in on cleansing her client’s skin, extracting and purifying god knows what toxins out. Olivia got to know her clients in their hour together, something they loved about her. She loved them for letting her tap, massage, and work products into their skin while massaging out any tension she had built up inside.

One afternoon, she’d just finished with a client and had another right behind. Her mobile started buzzing while she cleaned up her products and prepared for her next appointment.

“Hey Frannie, hate to rush you but I’ve got an appointment coming in in about ten minutes.”

“Bollocks, I was hoping you were free,” Frannie replied, the background noise so loud it made Olivia wince.

“Why? What’s up?” Olivia tucked the phone between her ear and shoulder, moving on around the room.

“‘S nothing, just wanted to go into The White Company and be talked out of buying five of their Christmas candles. Oh, work gave me the holiday bits they sent out to the bloggers. You’ll die, the whole Calendula range is in here too,” Frannie said, her tone fill with excitement like Christmas had come early.

“Oh my God, if the mask is in there, can I please, please have it? I’ll be your flatmate forever,” Olivia pleaded, chuckling to herself.

“‘Course. But Liv, tell me not to go to The White Company-”

Olivia stopped listening when someone cleared their throat by the door, making her spin around from where she was standing. Liam looked back at her, a small grin on his face.

“Surprise,” he said, his grin growing by the second.

Olivia’s heart pounded, caught somewhere between surprise and confusion. “Frannie, I got to go.” She hung up quickly, cutting off her best friend. “What...what are you doing here?”

“I’m your last appointment, thought you’d be happy to do a friend. I mean, uh, give me a facial,” Liam explained, blushing.

Olivia stifled a giggle behind her hand, her mind still reeling over Liam’s sudden appearance and how she felt about the whole thing. However foggy her brain was, she still knew she had to treat Liam like a client and take care of him like she would anyone else. But this time, she was more gradual and broke out of her calm, monotone-like voice.

As Liam settled into the massage chair, Olivia tugged on her top and ruffled her hair.

Why didn’t I think to wear more eyeliner today?

“So, how was Australia?” Olivia asked, stepping up behind Liam and running her hands over his skin. It was surprisingly soft with minimal texture until she got to his line of scruff. She let him talk while she felt his skin, murmuring when she needed to, assessing his skin along the way.

“Right,” she said a few minutes later once she’d made her decision about what she wanted to use on him. She could smell his cologne on him the minute her fingers touched his face, enveloping her so powerfully she forgot where serums went in a routine. “I’m going to cleanse your face, use this oxygenating facial machine, suck all the guck out of your face, pat in a serum, then moisturizer, and then we’re done.”

“Hold on, you’re going to do what with a what machine?” Liam asked incredulously, trying to sit up but Olivia forced him right back down.

“Pull all the crap out from flying and travelling and God knows what you come in contact with in this city. Now, sit back and let me do this,” she prodded his shoulder again with her fingers. She ignored his wince and dampened his skin, getting right to work.

She found her rhythm, even though Liam’s voice, face, and presence kept getting in her way. He talked and so did she, but when she did, she tripped over her words. Liam’s presence was making her heart race mildly and all he was doing was laying in a chair with her hands on his face.

While she powered on the oxygenating machine, she told Liam about her life for the past two weeks. She couldn’t tell if she was boring him with the details of what she’d done day to day but her focus on the machine made her forget about it.

They moved through the rest of the facial easily, an easy flow ebbed between them. Olivia was particularly proud of how radiant Liam’s skin looked when she was done. She’d pulled so much dirt out of his face that she was thinking about making him get facials monthly.

“So, I want to ask you something,” she stated, taking a seat on the rolling chair near him. Her heart was hammering in her chest but she ignored it.

“Shoot.”

“Why’d you come here today? Of all places after a 20-something hour flight from Australia,” she asked, crossing her legs. The question had been burning in her mind somewhere back during his facial and she still couldn’t figure it out. Why?

The corner of Liam’s mouth twitched, she could tell he was trying to think. “‘Cos I wanted to see you. Heard you were gonna be here today, so I just worked my way in as your last appointment.”

He wanted to see her. He wanted to see her. He could have just Facetimed her at any point but no, he chose to show up and let her run her hands all over his face for an hour and a half. He was either really stupid or just a really nice guy. Olivia hoped it was the last one.

“Well, I’m glad you came. At least you didn’t whine during the oxygenating part. Some people tear up at the pressure, big babies,” she responded with a nod. Slapping her knees, she got off the seat and started to clean up.

“My skin feels amazing. Holy shit, I should have gotten one of these years ago. Thanks OP, you’re the greatest.” He ran his hands over his face, admiring himself in the mirror on the wall.

Olivia snickered when she glanced over her shoulder. She started cleaning up and clearing away the products she used. She had four bottles in her arms when Liam came around the corner and gave her a hug.

“Thanks again, I had fun,” Liam muttered into her hair. She felt his chin rest on the top of her head, her heart was racing against her chest and she wiggled away from Liam, worried he might have felt it too.

“No problem at all. Thanks for letting me run my hands all over your face,” she grinned, looking up at Liam.

“So I’ll see you soon? I should be around for a few weeks before December, let’s do something, yeah?” Liam asked, gathering up his mobile and wallet.

Olivia nodded, already moving on. “Sure.”

She turned back to her products, clearing away the goods as Liam excused himself.

**

If Olivia thought Liam was going to move on and forget about her, she was wrong. He texted and called once or twice after his facial. Once was to thank her again for what she’d done to his face and the second was to get a list of the products she’d used on his face. Frannie’d been up her ass about locking him down and saying hysterical things like Liam was in love with her.

Olivia started to ignore Liam’s calls and texts, telling herself it was because of how busy she was. When she did reply, it was a half-assed apology about how hard she’d been working lately. Thankfully Liam was a good person who also had a demanding career and completely understood. His understanding was like a knife in Olivia’s heart that followed her around, nagging her with the recurring reminder of what an awful person she was.

She liked Liam. She enjoyed spending time with him. He reminded her of a simpler time, when they were kids and Liam aspired to be a singer and Olivia just wanted to pass her GCSEs one day. She’d become too independent since her last boyfriend. She couldn’t hop around from guy to guy like Frannie seemed to do every week. Olivia had too much pride to just let herself give into a boy and risk losing her independence.

**

Two weeks before December, Liam was sitting in Olivia’s living room. She’d been busy all day typing up a massive post for Black Friday and in her frenzy, she’d invited Liam over instead of going out for a drink with him. She’d quickly changed out of the joggers she’d had on all day and brushed her hair before Liam showed up. Of course he looked perfect and soft in some way in his jumper and jeans.

Liam followed Olivia through her flat, leaning against her countertop once they reached the kitchen.

“So, I did a massive order from Wagamama ‘cos one I didn’t know what you liked so I just basically ordered half the menu and two someone gifted me a voucher and I couldn't use it by myself. Cool?” She didn’t really care if he disagreed because either way, she was going to eat her weight in Wagamama.

Liam nodded, stretching his arms above his head. “Good with me. I’ve been eating like shit on the road so what’s another night?”

Olivia smirked. She took in Liam’s appearance properly while he looked around her tiny kitchen. Other than his outfit, he looked tired. Olivia could tell travelling had gotten to him by the look of the shadowy purple tones under his eyes and there were a few dry patches on his cheeks. He needed some moisturizer and probably a lot of sleep.

“How long have you lived here?” he asked, observing the photos and nicknacks on the fridge.

“Erm, maybe almost a year? Before Frances, my flatmate, and I used to live in this absolute cupboard over a pub for a year. It was awful. We were dead lucky to find this place though ‘cos it just sort of fell into our laps.” Olivia gestured towards the large window that took up a corner of the kitchen. “We even lucked out for a window. I never realized how important natural lighting is until I lived alone.”

Liam laughed, glancing her way and making her heart melt inside her chest. Just one look was all it took for some strange lovey dovey feeling to come alive in her chest. The feeling and thoughts alone made her swallow and push down any of those warm emotions.

“So, where is it all?” Liam asked a few seconds later, glancing around the flat.

Olivia’s eyebrows went up. “Where’s what?”

Liam nodded towards her. “You know...all your...stuff. The skincare. Where do you keep it?”

Olivia’s face relaxed and she let out a breathy laugh. “God, I had no idea what you were talking about. But I keep most of it in my bedroom. Do you really care to see?”

Liam nodded eagerly. “Oh you bet.”

She ended up giving him a tour of the flat on the way. Not that it took long to get to her room down the hall. She pointed out the living room where there was a large sectional sofa, the biggest Olivia and Frannie could fit, and a dining table set up in front of the windows. They had another squishy armchair next to the sofa with a coffee table in front. Along the wall was another piece of furniture that held decorative knick knacks carefully arranged by the girls along with photos of themselves, friends, and family over the years.

Olivia said a prayer for cleaning her room the day before because the state of it would have embarrassed her right out her front door. Her hands shook slightly when Liam followed her into her room, anticipation making her fingertips twitch.

“So, there’s my desk where I sit for hours typing emails and debating how fast I could fall to my death out my window,” she pointed towards a white desk from Ikea that took her three hours to build with zero help from Frannie, who was more of a peanut gallery of mocking. It was carefully arranged and organized down to the tiny plate Olivia found at Anthropologie that held a hand cream, lip balm, another lip balm, a couple hair ties, and a tiny Jo Malone hand & body cream. She had a telly set up against the wall facing her bed with her dresser underneath where she kept t-shirts, pajamas, and other bits she could fold up into drawers.

On either side of her bed were wardrobes that nearly reached the ceiling. They were the selling point of Liv’s room and Frannie practically forced her to take the room because of them. Olivia had to agree that they were an asset when it came to her job.

“And over here….is where I keep everything,” Olivia explained, crossing the room quickly to the wardrobe on the right and throwing open the doors. She chose the wardrobe on the right for easier access for a product if she was typing up a post at her desk. Occasionally she got a wild hair and pulled everything out of the wardrobe, spread it around her room, and organized it all over again.

“Holy….shit....OJ,” Liam breathed, his eyes scanning the shelves full of products. Meticulously organized and arranged, Liv had a place for everything. Liam noticed in the corner of each shelf was some tape with words written on them to let Olivia know what was stored on each of them. There was more organization from bins, trays, boxes, and mini drawer sets for Olivia to keep track of everything.

Liam was speechless. He didn’t have a clue where to look or what he was even seeing. “Olivia, this is wild.”

Her eyebrows went up, a slight frown appeared on her face.

“What I mean is, this is incredible. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something so organized and neat.” Liam scratched the back of his head. “I mean, I don’t really have the foggiest about what I’m looking at.”

She laughed, holding her hands behind her back. “I try to keep it all together...or else it gets really out of hand real fast. Let me show you part of it.”

She explained how she kept the wardrobe of skincare organized and the different areas of each shelf. Through her explanation, Liam creeped closer towards her out of instinct to follow her every move. He was mesmerized by her, even when she was talking about some eye cream with Vitamin C. He thought Vitamin C was only in orange juice.

When the doorbell went, they both jumped. Olivia turned her head and found herself inches from Liam’s ear. She sucked in a breath while staring at the back of Liam’s head when he glanced towards the sound of the noise.

“Oh, guess we should get that then,” Liam commented, turning back towards Olivia.

They were almost nose to nose, Olivia’s height made her a couple inches shorter than Liam but close enough to brush his skin. She could see every pore on his cheeks, the softness of his scruff and the fullness of his pink lips. “Yeah, I guess we should,” she agreed, glancing at his mouth. Swiftly, she moved around him and left him standing in front of her wall of skincare.

**

“Don’t you have a flatmate? Where is she?” Liam asked once they hauled in three giant bags of food from the takeaway guy. They stood side by side, unpacking and surveying what Olivia picked.

“Yeah, she’s out with her flavor of the week,” Olivia said with a snort. She turned away from Liam to pull some plates out of the cabinet.

Turning back, Liam faced her with his hand outstretched. “Did you just say ‘flavor of the week?’” His eyebrows furrowed as he took the plates from her.

Olivia leaned against the counter, palms supporting her. “Yep, she hops from guy to guy typically. Tries them out and if they get too clingy, she ghosts them.”

Frannie was a major serial dater. Olivia knew she always had been but as long as she didn’t try to bring some skivvy guy back to their flat, Liv let her live.

“What about you?” Liam asked pointedly, his back still to her. “Do you hop from guy to guy?”

Olivia paused, observing the way Liam’s t-shirt hung off his back, hugging each muscle like it was made for him. “No, can’t say I care that much.”

Liam turned around, a slight smirk on his lips. “Hm, I see. Why don’t you care?”

She shrugged, waving a hand through the air. “I’ve got better things to do than mess with relationships. A date once in a while is nice but I can’t be bothered with the faff in relationships. Anyways, should we eat?”

They ended up moving all their takeaway containers into the living room, spread out across Olivia’s coffee table like a massive plastic container feast. Olivia and Liam spent ten minutes arguing over what to watch before she whacked him with the remote and ended up putting on Crazy, Stupid, Love. He removed his jumper at some point, Olivia’s flat was awfully cozy compared to the chilly December night outside.

Olivia was torn between wanting to watch the movie and talking to Liam. She cared too much about Ryan Gosling on screen to listen to Liam but once Liam caught her eye she forgot about Ryan completely. There was something about Liam that Olivia kept trying to pin down. She had a feeling it had to do with how confidently he carried himself while still being so down to earth and humble. She noticed the dimples in his cheeks when he smiled and laughed when she shushed him for talking.

“Hey, I’ve been using all that stuff you told me to buy after my facial,” Liam whispered carefully, trying not to get shushed again.

Olivia’s eyebrows went up, intrigue in her eyes. “Yeah?! Do you like it?”

“Absolutely! I don’t always use that cream but I like washing my face. I feel so clean after,” he put his hands on his cheeks. “So fresh.”

Olivia leaned over, abandoning her plate. “Lemme see that skin of yours.”

“‘S all yours,” he replied with a grin.

She leaned over, observing his skin. Only the dialogue on the telly filled the silence but they didn’t notice. Olivia forgot what she was doing and how her hand was on Liam’s thigh so she could steady herself.

“Sorry,” Olivia breathed, lifting her hand and returning it to her lap.

Liam cleared his throat, adjusting himself. “Don’t be. Y’know...you could stay.”

Olivia cocked an eyebrow and her heart thumped in her ears. Liam wanted her to sit by him? Why? What did this mean? Why did she suddenly want to so badly?

“Maybe then I’ll focus on the movie rather than staring at you every two seconds,” Liam admitted, scratching his nose.

Olivia smiled, then she swiped a pillow nearby and hit him with it. “You’re so stupid. But smart too.”

She laid the pillow up against the cushions and moved over towards Liam. He lifted one arm, letting her squeeze in against him. She tried to ignore her heart racing in her chest that seemed to thump in her head too.

“What about you?” Olivia whispered as Steve Carell creeped around his backyard cutting the grass. Olivia kept having an argument in her head between wanting to ask about Liam’s dating life and leaving it alone. Either way she had every right to know. They were friends, right?

“What about me?” Liam replied, his lips close enough to her ear that she could feel the heat of his breath.

“Your dating life. Are you seeing anyone?” She asked, adjusting her position against his chest.

“I was a year or so ago but not anymore. But I’m not seeing anyone, no.” She felt his chest rise and fall beneath her, steady breaths while her heart picked up the pace.

They didn’t say much for the rest of the movie. They continued to watch Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone go back and forth on screen. While the two had obvious chemistry on screen, Olivia was moulding herself into Liam’s body, growing more comfortable by the second. Even though her eyes were getting heavy, she felt utterly relaxed and content against Liam’s torso. She let him wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her closer and her hand rested on his knee. Her eyes started to droop and she barely remembered seeing Steve Carrell and Ryan Gosling yelling on screen.

**

The next morning it took Olivia a few minutes of waking up and realizing she’d slept in her contacts before she realized that she was squished in the sofa between Liam’s elbow and the sofa cushions. When she came to, she jumped at the sight of Liam asleep on his back, mouth slightly ajar. She watched him sleep for a few seconds before extracting herself out of the sofa equation and practically rolled over the back of the sofa.

Down the hall, she shut herself in the toilet, a million thoughts racing in her head. As she tore off some toilet roll, she wondered Why did Liam stay? Washing her hands she pondered how she was going to get him out. Drying her hands and opening the door, part of her felt like she didn’t want him to leave. She was strangely okay with him being in her presence, her space that she worked so hard to perfect and make into a home for her and Frannie.

Waking him up wasn’t going to be a problem since he was sitting up when Liv walked back into the room. She jumped at the sight, pausing to watch him stretch his muscular tattooed arms over his head and ruffle his hair.

A floorboard creaked when Liv stepped on it and Liam looked around, a sleepy grin on his face. “Morning, soz I fell asleep.”

Liv shrugged, her heart melting at his puppy dog eyes and soft smile. “‘S okay. Dunno where Frannie is, she’s obvo not in her room.”

“Worried what she’d say if she found me?” Liam asked, peering at Olivia through tired eyes. His skin looked soft and plump this early in the morning. The morning light hit his cheekbone in just the right way that most skincare users died for.

“No, I don’t think so,” Liv sat down and shrugged. “She’d probably give me hell for it.”

Liam watched her laugh and run a hand haphazardly through her hair, attempting to look relaxed. He’d been around his sisters enough to know when they were putting on an act.

“Well, I’m starving and I’m guessing you are too because I’m sure I just heard your stomach growl,” Liam pointed out.

Olivia looked around with guilt, but he was right. God, she was starving. It was like she hadn’t ate her weight in Wagamama the night before. Her insides were jumping at the idea of having brunch with Liam which didn’t help the butterflies in her stomach.

“I’ve got the best place around the corner,” she said with a grin.

**

Twenty minutes later they were sat across from one another in the tiny cafe that served brunch all day, cold pressed juices, and fresh baked pastries. Olivia scratched at her arm, even though it really didn’t itch and glanced around the room to give her something to do. She already knew what she wanted, but she was giving Liam a chance to mull over the menu first.

“Do you know what you’re going to get?” He asked, glancing up at her.

“Pancakes. American style with blueberries.” Her stomach rumbled at the mention.

Liam hummed. “Tempting, I’m going more of the protein way. Eggs, bacon, maybe some toast.”

Olivia’s eyebrows went up. “Protein? Since when are you Mr. Fitness?”

He scoffed, “I work out. I go to the gym regularly.”

“Oh I know, I see your Insta stories,” Olivia mumbled, looking down at her menu nonchalantly. She flicked her gaze up to Liam’s face, surprised to find him with a small cheeky grin on his face.

“Do you follow me? Do you like what I post?” He was openly honest and curious, but the grin on his face showed how pleased he was to know Olivia followed him on Instagram. He was awful at the app himself. He only figured out how to follow people a few months ago.

Olivia shrugged. “Maybe. You’re a little heavy on the selfies but I like them.”

They continued to go back and forth about Instagram. Olivia kept giving him a hard time about what he posted and how he had no clue about how picky people were with their content. He joked that she took it too seriously and how he barely knew how to work the app alone. They placed their orders along the way, hurrying back to their conversation that made them laugh and exchange secret smiles that made them feel like they were the only ones in the restaurant.

The more Olivia explained what she did for work, the more Liam got an idea of how hard she worked. Even though it seemed like she was just on her phone all day, Olivia did way more research and reading of her statistics and numbers than Liam ever realized. He could only relate when it came to the sales behind his singles and all the records he put out with One Direction. He did still didn’t believe how well they did in the five years they were together.

They ate their food, Olivia and her pancakes and Liam with his plate of eggs and bacon. Once they paid the bill, which Liam slid his card into before Olivia could grab her wallet. From there, they started to wonder through the streets of Kensington. The conversation continued steadily, every once in a while Olivia felt an inexplicable wave past through her. It washed over her when Liam looked at her with a smile on his lips. She felt it again when they walked into a shop and he placed his hand on the small of her back as another couple passed by them.

She kept her hands stowed in the pockets of her coat since it was cold for the sunny December day. Olivia was thankful there was no wind today to mess up her hair and it end up in her mouth when she talked. She hated the wind, it always got her hair stuck in her lip gloss or half blind when her hair blew in her face.

They came upon Hyde Park after stopping in a local coffee shop Olivia loved. She was thankful for the heat from her oat milk latte since the wind had kicked up a bit once they hit the park. Liam was smart and dug a beanie out of his coat when they got to the shop. She loved how the ends of his hair stuck out beneath the edge.

“I like your hair long you know,” Olivia confessed, their arms bumping here and there.

“Really? I was worried I needed to shave it again,” Liam said, sipping on his cappuccino. Olivia questioned his coffee choice in the shop at first, making him explain that he didn’t like a lot of espresso in his lattes so then he changed to a cappuccino.

“No! You look good with a full head of hair.” Olivia ducked her head, trying to figure out why her cheeks felt so hot all of a sudden.

Liam smiled, “Thanks.”

Olivia smiled before changing the subject. “You know I’ve always loved parks. That’s something I miss about Wolverhampton. The loveliest parks were right in town, remember?”

He nodded, glancing around the surrounding trees and grassy fields. “Yeah, I used to spend hours there in the summer when I was a kid.”

“I’m glad I live close to Hyde Park. I like to come walk through here sometimes to get ideas for my blog or clear my head if I’ve been looking at a computer screen too long. There’s something about the vastness of a park and how it should seem so intimidating...but it’s more relaxing to know that this belongs to everyone y’know? And it’s something we all use for a different reason. I love that,” Olivia explained. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear that escaped, sighing when they got to one of her favorite parts of the park.

One thing Olivia loved about Hyde Park was how the leaves fell and swirled around the park. They shifted once they fell and moved as people moved through the park day after day. The orange and brown tones of fallen leaves accented the matte black leather of her Chelsea boots, making Olivia feel like a walking aesthetic.

“Do you want a picture for your Instagram?” Liam asked a foot away. He stopped to watch Olivia admire the park, admiring her instead.

Olivia raised an eyebrow. “How’d you know that?”

Liam shrugged. “I could just tell. Plus, who doesn’t want a photo surrounded by all this?” He waved his arms, gesturing to the green surroundings and falling leaves.

“Okay, but take a few of me, will you? Make them good.” Olivia said, handing over her iPhone.

Ten minutes later, Liam laughed as Olivia scrolled through the pictures he took. Her faced was screwed up in concentration as she pinched and zoomed in before deleting the ones she didn’t like.

“Are they good? Do I need to take twenty more?” Liam asked dryly.

Liv rolled her eyes, glancing up at him from her mobile. “No, I like them just fine.”

He came towards her, grinning as he looked over her shoulder. She looked picture perfect against the dying leaves on the ground and the grassy field to the side. He nudged shoulders with hers. “I like them too.”

She looked up, surprised to find Liam’s face so close to hers. His eyes met hers, noticing how her eyes had flicks of gold and green against the brown irises. She bit her lip, scanning his face as her heart hammered in her ears.

“We should probably keep moving. It’s getting chilly,” she muttered, turning back to her phone and stepping away from Liam.

**

Olivia hadn’t talked to Liam in a week since they hung out in the park. The rest of their walk went fine. They started up their conversation again as they moved towards the edge of the park to head back to Olivia’s flat. Liam figured he needed to head home and quit overstaying his welcome. Olivia was grateful since she knew Frannie would probably return at any second and she dreaded explaining why Liam was still at hers at 3 o’clock on a Sunday.

Since then, Liam started texting her almost daily. He took off for a week in the States for some Christmas concerts but he sent her a text here and there to check in. While her schedule was busy too, her only excuse for icing Liam out, she sent half as many texts as Liam. She kept it short and friendly, not letting her emotions get the best of her and type out four messages like she normally did to Frannie.

Frannie found out Liam spent the night the next weekend when she discovered he’d left his jumper stuffed into their sofa. She resembled the Cheshire Cat when Liv chased her around the living room trying to take the jumper from her.

“When will you give him a chance? Liv, he’s obvo crazy about you,” Frannie tried to reason with Olivia but it was obvious that her best friend was seeing blind when it came to her love life. Frannie may have been a hot mess when it came to boys but at least she owned it. Olivia was precious and deserved someone who would treat her right. Frannie also knew Liv wasn’t some dainty flower to be admired, she needed someone to help her realize her own potential and how fuckign amazing she was.

“I-” Olivia opened her mouth out of defense but snapped it shut when her iPhone lit up on the table with Liam’s name on it. “Fuck off.”

Frannie snorted, watching her phone buzz again with Liam’s name. “I hate to say I told you so,” she sang. “Call me when you finally bone!” With that blunt statement, she left and retreated to her room.

**

A week later, Olivia kept up the same charade much to Frannie’s disapproval. She wrote twice as many blog posts from the comfort of her room or coffee shop in town whenever she had free time. Olivia kept her mind off Liam and how her heart skipped a beat at the thought by focusing on her train and the stop she needed to get off at before she attended another event. She ignored the itch to text Liam about her frustration to find something to wear to the BAFTAs the next night, knowing he would relate to how she felt. She’d caught sight of his latest post on Instagram that morning, liking it quickly before scrolling further down.

By the next night, she’d completely forgotten Liam may be at the awards too. She was too preoccupied with her boobs not popping out of the navy blue floor length dress she’d ordered off ASOS at the last minute from their fancy dress section. The thin spaghetti straps kept threatening to slide off her shoulders if she didn’t stand up straight and her eye started to twitch every time the buckle on her strappy heels rubbed against her skin.

She could have been naked on the red carpet and completely unaware when she saw Liam. He was ten feet away in a black suit that hugged every muscle he worked so diligently for in the gym. She instantly spotted his tattoos on his hands poking out of the coat pockets, sending her heart into overdrive. Blinking, she snapped back to attention of the blokes taking her picture. She blushed, shaking her wavy hair back out and staring back at the camera. Olivia kept glancing over her shoulder in Liam’s direction, as if she had some sort of turrets that made her only look at him. She was grateful when the paps were done taking her picture and she could retreat inside the venue.

Inside the giant hall where the awards were being held, elaborately decorated round tables were scattered across the floor. Glasses of all sizes were arranged on the tabletops along with gold place cards and hefty gift bags in each seat. Guests and honorees were milling about inside, already buzzing from the champagne flutes that were floating through the crowd at the hand of various waiters.

Olivia grabbed a flute as soon as she could, draining in it three gulps and trading it for another. She moved into the middle of the room where she spotted some of her blogger friends, who looked like they’d walked out of a magazine spread. They gushed over Olivia’s dress and even more when they found out where she’d got it. Joking about linking her dress below, she felt considerably more relaxed than she had outside.

She caught sight of Liam once she sat down at her table full of bloggers. He was three tables away with the Editor in Chief of British Vogue, Jourdan Dunn, and Winnie Harlow. He was even more dashing in his suit with a flute of champagne in his hand. Olivia looked away when Liam glanced in her direction. Praying he didn’t see her and try to talk to her, she turned towards one of her friends and started babbling about how hungry she was and if it’d be rude to order Postmates in the middle of the awards.

The awards passed by quickly. Olivia switched from champagne to water once the hor devours arrived. She had started snacking on the Charbonnel chocolates inside her gift bag at one point. She applauded loudly when Winnie Harlow won model of the year, noticing how Liam stood up to clap for her too. She was at a loss for words when Lucy Williams stopped by their table to chat up another blogger sitting across from her. She begged her friend to introduce them at the afterparty.

For the afterparty, the guests relocated to a club down the road that was decorated the same as the awards hall. Olivia once again found herself in search of someone to talk to while sipping on champagne again.

“Hey, did I see you at the awards earlier or did you just come to the afterparty for the champagne?”

Olivia froze, glancing up at Liam slowly. Her heart sped up when her eyes landed on his, the corners wrinkled as he smiled down at her. “I go wherever there’s free champagne.”

“You look amazing OJ,” he said immediately, bypassing the casualties. He was relieved she was here. He wasn’t totally sure he’d seen her at the awards earlier in the same stunning, cleavage-baring gown she had on in front of him.

Olivia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Thanks. This is quite a change from jeans and a jumper,” she commented, observing his suit up close. She could see it had velvet lapels that created a bit of contrast against the fine material of his jacket.

He backed up, putting his hands on his hips. “How’d you like it? I’m hoping GQ will get in touch tonight.”

She laughed, throwing her head back. “Don’t know about GQ but I know they’ll be a bunch of wankers if you don’t make the best dressed list.” When he lit up, she waved a finger in his face. “Don’t be getting an inflated ego now. You look nice, that’s all.”

Liam shook his shoulders back and forth. “You think I look handsome. Just admit it.”

“I’m getting a champagne, cheers,” she said dismissively, waving him off. Her whole body felt hot and her heart quickened like she’d just sprinted a large field. Sports weren’t her thing but God she felt like she’d just raced Usain Bolt.

“If I find us a bottle, would you step away with me?” Liam asked lowly. He stepped closer, his lips hovering against her hairline.

Olivia stared ahead at nothing in particular, remembering how she turned away in the park. Swallowing her inhibitions, she looked up at him and nodded.

Not five minutes later, Olivia slid her hand into Liam’s and followed him along a hall. He swiped a champagne bottle after slipping a bartender a note. They wandered along a hall that was lined with expensive private lounges that were usually rented out by those only with black Amexs and a want for the most expensive champagne, stopping only when they found one unlocked.

Olivia adjusted herself in her dress and nervously messed with her hair while Liam opened the bottle of champagne. When the cork came out, it came with a mighty ‘pop!’ that sent them into hysterics. The music from the main room muffled the sound but still made them check the door nervously. One wall of their lounge had a large window that looked down into the main room, but with the curtains drawn, all Olivia and Liam could see was the glow of the lights below.

“God, I never imagined myself here,” Olivia remarked as she watched Liam pour her a generous flute.

He poured one for himself, sneaking a glance at her. He’d been in plenty of clubs, attended more parties than he could remember, but being at a party with Olivia was different from any other event he had been to. She watched everything with a wide eyed curiosity that she internalized cooly. He could tell she felt out of her element but she pulled it off spectacularly.

“Y’know, when I had to go to these sort of things when I started out in the band, I hated them. I absolutely felt like I was an outsider. Other than the fact I was like, seventeen or eighteen give a few, it wasn’t my scene,” he explained, resting against the back of a sofa nearby.

“How’d you deal with them? Don’t you like to party?” she asked, coming to rest next to him. The sofa was a short one that was more impractical than anything. It was meant for casual lounging in a club where no one was going to make themselves too comfortable.

Liam sighed. “I used to. In the band it was easy ‘cos I had nothing else to do when I wasn’t working or like, touring, y’know. The lads loved to go out too when we could. But once we went on hiatus, I kinda went to a bad place because I didn’t know what to do with my life next.” His fingers ran along his jawline where scruff was littered in a thick layer. “I just realized in the last year with making music again that I like writing with a clear head and not a hangover the next morning. It’s funny ‘cos people think my music paints me as a party boy or whatever but I’m not like that as much anymore.”

Olivia rested her hand on the back, her fingers grazing Liam’s. “That’s a lot to go through in a short amount of time. I still don’t know how you did all that in like, five years.”

“Yeah, yeah it was mad,” he said with a shake of his head. He said it with a tone of wistfulness, like he was seeing something Olivia couldn’t. She felt that passion and nostalgia sitting next to her, and it pulled her closer to him.

He turned towards her, sensing how she’d closed the distance between the two. He leaned in like they were magnets that were meant to be pulled together. As if he knew what to do next, he dropped his empty glass on the sofa and slid his fingers into her hair, drawing in her. Olivia kissed him, closing the gap and sending fireworks through her head.

She leaned into him, wanting his hands all over her. She loved how his large hands gripped her face and the curve of her waist. The strap of her dress started to slide down when she leaned forward to hold onto him. Liam’s hands were in her hair as he pressed further into her mouth, making it difficult to tell where she began and he ended.

Their kisses grow more intense with a steady rhythm, like they were meant to be doing this all along. Liam was breathing her name in her ear anytime they broke apart, sending her heart racing in her chest.

Suddenly, Olivia’s heart nearly stops. Her stomach dips when she breaks their kiss, breathing hard. Their foreheads touch and Olivia realizes Liam’s breathing nearly as hard as she has.

“God...God Liv you’re amazing...why’d...why’d you stop?” Liam asked, breaking their contact to stare at her. Her hair’s a bit wild from having his hands in it but her lips are dark pink from his kisses.

Olivia blinked, her eyes were starting to grow hot, fogging her vision. “I don’t...I don’t know. I’ve….I’ve got to go,” she said suddenly, straightening up and bunching her dress in her hand. “Liam, I’m sorry.”

She hurried out of the room, ignoring Liam’s calls behind her. Tears started to fall the minute she hit the hallway, making her rush even quicker towards the exit. No one paid the crying girl any mind as she rushed past the party where normal people were getting drunk and loving life. Instead, she walked away from it all and slid into the back of one of the various waiting cars outside. Wiping the back of her hand across her face, she mumbled her address and sat back in the cab and cried.

**

Liv, I hope you’re alright. Dunno what happened but if you want to talk to me, I’ll be home until New Year’s Eve. Liam xx

Hey, hope you’re alright, just checking in

Saw your blog post today, would love to talk to you before I go away for New Year’s

Happy New Year Olivia, thinking of you x

**

Olivia was in a state. She’d turned on her out of office reply on her inbox as soon as she finished her last project of the year. She’d queued up the rest of the year’s blog posts and shut herself off from social media. The only thing she was keeping up with was her skincare routine, but even that was suffering.

Frannie grew more concerned by the days leading up to Christmas. Olivia didn’t say much about the after party except that she wanted nothing to do with the gift bag that showed up at their door the next day because she’d left it at the club.

She still wasn’t sure of what had happened to Olivia when they left for Christmas but she figured it had to do with Liam since she’d caught sight of his name popping up on Liv’s phone from time to time. His messages went ignored and unanswered.

Olivia didn’t know what happened either or why she ran away. She played it over and over in her mind when she laid in bed at night, wide awake with some inescapable knot sitting in her stomach. She knew it was her fault, she was at least sure of that. Guilt sat on her shoulders and followed her around when she glimpsed Liam’s unanswered texts in her messages app. She even opened their chat sometimes and typed out a reply or even an apology but then she’d erase it and welcome the pit of emptiness back in her stomach.

Christmas came and went and Olivia returned to London with her head up. She was coming to terms that she fucked up with Liam but accepted things happened for a reason. She’d get past it and cross into the New Year with a new outlook. She’d find that feeling Liam gave her elsewhere, hopefully in the new content she’d dreamed up on the train back to London from Wolverhampton. She and Frannie spent New Year’s together at a house party thrown by a friend of Frannie’s. She shared a kiss with some random bloke at midnight and swallowed down more champagne whenever she wished Liam was the one kissing her when the ball dropped.

One night however, she met her resolve. While cleaning out her closet one evening when Frannie was on her way home from work, Olivia dug out Liam’s forgotten jumper. She swallowed hard, remembering how she’d tossed it in her closet before she’d left for home. Part of her hoped it would have been buried under some PR package and forgotten until she moved out of the flat one day. Clearly fate had something else in mind as she clutched the soft material in her hands, the scent of Liam’s cologne wafting up and stirring up all the feelings Liv had spent days repressing.

Frannie came home thirty minutes later, grumbling about work aloud to the flat, but her arms weighed down with stuff from work. When she didn’t receive Olivia’s usual reassuring response, Frannie peered into the living room and found her best friend staring off into the distance with a Bake Off rerun on Channel 4.

“Liv, you okay?” she asked, stepping cautiously towards her. She noticed she was clutching something dark to her chest. “Liv, talk to me.”

Olivia shook her head, looking down at the jumper in her lap. A single tear rolled down her nose and hit the jumper. “It’s Liam’s. He left his jumper here and I fucked up. I didn’t get it back to him. I ran. I just forgot and I ran away.”

Frannie’s brow furrowed, piecing together whatever sense Olivia was trying to make. “Okay...you forgot to give Liam his jumper...no sweat. I’m sure he’s got loads more cashmere at home.”

Olivia snorted, although it was snottier than normal from her crying. “If only it was that easy.”

“Liv, please, can you tell me what happened between you two? Then maybe I’ll understand why you’re clutching a hundred pound jumper like it’s your lifeline.” Frannie turned down the telly, rubbing Olivia’s back.

Olivia looked at Frances, her eyes were red from crying and her cheeks blotchy. Her hair was twisted up into some sort of bun that resembled a bird’s nest from laying down for so long. She sighed and wiped her nose. “I fucked up Frannie. He was right there and I ran away.” She sniffled. “We ran into each other at the BAFTAs and eventually started talking at the afterparty. God, he was so fit. He invited me to one of those private lounges to talk or whatever,” she wiped her nose again.

“Everything was fine. We started talking about something to do with partying or some rubbish.” Olivia paused, recalling how the soft lighting of the lounge cast a warm glow over Liam’s skin. She was starting to become so proud of how Liam was taking care of his skin over the past couple weeks. “Then, I don’t know, I really wanted to snog him. Like, badly.”

“And did you?” Frannie asked, leaning towards her.

She nodded. “Yeah,” she smiled. “Yes and it was amazing. We were really getting into it and Frannie, my God, his hands. I hadn’t felt like that in ages.” She bit her lip, pausing her story. “But then, a part of me shut down. I didn’t want to be there anymore. I wanted to run away and get away from everything. It hurt me to leave and to know I left Liam high and dry behind me. And I just don’t know what to do now.”

Frannie sighed, patting her best friend’s sweatpant-clad knee. “Sounds like you’re in love. Not to be blunt but my love, you’ve got it. What you’ve found is something everyone searches for in life. That kind of love that pulls you together and you feel that pain when you’re apart.”

Olivia glared at her, tears silently rolling down her face.

“Glare at me all you want, but you know I’m right. I think you scared yourself straight and it made you bolt. I know you’re tough Liv, and independent as hell but you deserve to have someone love you the way Liam probably does. And it’s okay to be scared, this is the unknown for you.” Frannie leaned back against the sofa cushions, smirking victoriously.

“Why are you smirking like that? I’m a mess,” Olivia asked, wiping away under her eyes. She felt better from venting to Frannie but she was annoyed with how smug her best friend looked. She still felt like shit with no idea if she and Liam would ever come back from this.

“Because it’s fun to see you out of your element. Don’t get me wrong, I hate seeing you in this depressed, hollowed out state when I have all this skincare to show you and I don’t think you’ll care. But, you’re going to get through this. I know you.”

Frannie was right. Olivia was strong and independent as hell. She followed her own path and knew what was best for everyone. It was about time she learned what was meant for her. So, that night, after sorting through Frannie’s Kiehl’s haul, she went to sleep restless again. This time, she knew what she needed to do, but first she had to figure it out.

**

Liam, I’m really sorry for what happened last month. It was awful of me to do, especially to you. I want to explain. Will you meet me by the fountain in Hyde Park? Hopefully you know the one, I’ll be there before the sun goes down. OJ x

She hoped signing her name with the nickname she had back in Wolverhampton softened him up a bit. Her heart hammered in her chest as she waited for a reply. She fell back against her bed, staring up at the ceiling and trying to ignore her heartbeat in her ears. She wished Frannie was home to distract her and not doing her job.

Olivia continued to stare at the ceiling until her eyelids grew heavy. She started to give in when she stopped convincing herself that her phone was faux-vibrating.

She woke up when the light in her room was starting to turn from blue to brilliant reds, oranges, and purples. She glanced around her room, trying to remember why she was in bed. The disorienting feeling that naps gave her evaporated when her phone vibrated. She sat up bolt right in bed, clutching her phone in front of her.

A text from Liam looked back at her and she tried to steady her thumb before she opened it. He’d texted her three times, but she read the newest one.

Of course I know where to go. I’ll be there

Leaving my house now

Are you coming?

“Fuck!” She swore, launching herself out of bed and pulling on more layers to go outside. She hopped around, straightening her jumper and tugging on some old UGG boots she had stashed for cold winter evenings. She fiddled with her hair, tucking it and retucking it behind her ears before it inevitably came untucked from the mild wind outside.

She barely had her coat on when she hit the sidewalk, taking off towards Hyde Park. It was only a five minute walk but Olivia was worried and fueled with determination to find Liam before it was too late. She scrambled with everything she wanted to say before she found him, but it was all running together as she tried not to get hit by a car at the crosswalk.

The fountain was proper in the park, but not far enough that Olivia couldn’t make it out in the bright sunset setting over the park. Her eyes scanned the people around, trying to assume which one Liam might be.

Out of breath, she reached the outside of the fountain. Her eyes searched frantically for Liam’s familiar form, her heart crashing against her chest out of disappointment and exhaustion.

She was too late. She’d missed her chance to explain. To tell Liam she was in love with him.

“OJ! Olivia!”

Her heart leapt, revived with a familiar warmth that only Liam could make her feel. Spinning around, her eyes landed on him, standing on a nearby pathway.

She took off towards him, her coat flying out behind her. She could tell his eyes were smiling but he kept his mouth neutral. She didn’t care how he looked though, she was just relieved he was here. He wanted to give her a chance. Suddenly, everything was clear. She knew what she needed to do to show she was sorry.

Olivia collided with Liam seconds later, throwing her arms around his neck and praying he was as strong as he seemed. Her lips crashed against his, igniting the same fireworks in her head that she felt in the club. She was barely aware of his arms wrapping themselves around her waist and lifting her off the ground. She kissed him harder, pressing her tongue into his mouth. Her hands raked through the back of his hair, her body flush with his.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Liam,” she breathed. He lowered her to the ground, keeping her close to him. The light behind him was giving him an orange glow. “I shouldn’t have run away. I was stupid.”

Liam shook his head, his eyes searching hers. He was always looking for her, trying to figure her out and her next move. “Why did you?” He asked curiously.

Olivia sighed. “I was scared. Scared of accepting what I knew all along.”

Liam frowned, separating them a little. “What was that?”

She swallowed, glancing away before looking him right in the eye. “That I was in love with you. Ever since we ran into each other at that party, I wanted to kiss you but I was scared. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. But I was scared of letting myself love someone else out of fear I’d fail.”

Her eyes grew hot as the words spilled out, but they were there. She had to accept her confession even if Liam didn’t. She couldn’t read Liam’s mind but she knew how she felt at least.

He sighed, his breath white against the cold air. “I was waiting for you to say that. God, I wanted to sweep you away the minute I found you by the bar. You were one of the only people who cared about me in high school and I still found that same person when we were at that party. Along the way, everything started to change and one morning I knew. Do you know when I knew?”

“Knew what?” Olivia asked, puzzled over his words. What was he talking about? She was only numbly aware that she couldn’t feel her fingers as the sun was going down.

“That I was in love with you too. That morning I woke up on your sofa and you were curled up around me like you belonged there. I realized before you left me that I wanted to wake up like that every morning.” He paused. “I love you, Olivia. I’ve waited to hear those words from you too.”

She pulled him back to her, letting his fingers slid up under her jumper. “I mean every word. I love you Liam, I always have.” She pressed a soft kiss to his lips, barely brushing them with hers. They shared a bubble of warmth as they made out in the park, the light fading fast behind them.

“Did you know you’re wearing my jumper? I was wondering where this went,” Liam noted, holding the material between his index and thumb.

Olivia looked down, realizing happily that the jumper she snatched in her room was the same one she’d cried into the night before. “You left it at my house...I guess I’ve been keeping it safe for you.”

Liam shook his head, ducking down to kiss her again. “It’s yours. I’m all yours.”

Olivia grinned, tipping her head back once more to kiss him. “Good, that’s all I’ve wanted.”

[jira-chii]

AF Alice Rank

In the AF Alice rank, Sakura (who plays Alice) tries to revive her theatre group using a magic key.

This post also includes an unnecessarily long analysis of the theatre group series in general.

Shichirin (I really hope I am pronouncing this right), was a famous theatre group, renowned for doing plays of popular fairy tales, whose members all turned into tamashii when Lost happened. Sakura seeks out Chihiro, hoping she will lend her an artefact (AF) that will help her find the missing members.

As it so happens, the Magic Key was recently completed. This powerful AF has the ability to transport its user anywhere they can visualise, by bending the space around them and creating a “door” which is basically a teleportation portal. However it requires a tremendous amount of willpower to control, and, as a tamashii has never used an AF until now, Chihiro has justifiable concerns.

But a Magic Key sounds perfect for a girl who plays Alice, and Sakura assures her she will be able to control it.

Ofc she doesn't, as Takuya and Yuki find out when they are asked to investigate a tamashii that has gone berserk.

Throughout the quest, we see various flashbacks of Alice with the rest of Shichirin, emphasizing how much she loves being in the group, and everyone in it. First, Kanzou (who plays Captain Hook), remarks that she will probably be good enough to replace him as the face of the theatre group soon. Then, Sakura stays back after normal hours to practise more after receiving some advice she got from Kuroe (who plays Tinkerbell). Her enthusiasm cause the other members to also stay back: Yoshiki (Playing Card) and Chizu (Queen of Hearts).

It's very obvious Alice loves the group and that's why she wants to revive them. But just the act of wanting isn't enough. As Chihiro explains when she catches up to us, Sakura’s image of where she wants to go is not strong enough; to make the key obey, Sakura needs to think about not just the act of reviving the group, but also what she wants to do afterward (seems very similar to the predicament of another character in main story). Essentially, the key needs her to have a clear vision of the future in order to behave.

Chihiro also informs us Sakura was close to another actress named Kaede, and apparently they made a promise just before Lost happened. It’s likely to be a clue to making the key behave, but it looks like Sakura has forgotten about the promise after the shock of turning into a tamashii.

We actually did see Kaede in one of the flashbacks. Kanzou didn't want Sakura practising when she should have been taking a break like the others, but he also wanted to acknowledge the work she was putting into her role. So he gives her tickets to see a different production of Alice in Wonderland, by a theatre group called Futaba.

Kaede is the actress of this other Alice. She sees Sakura practising late at night and decides to join her. Sakura praises her for her performance, but Kaede has doubts about her acting, something Sakura can relate to. They decide to practice together.

One day Kaede asks Sakura what she would do if her group hypothetically dissolves. Unlike Shichirin, Futaba is a small theatre group and so such a possibility is always looming over them. After some thinking, Alice replies with “I’ll revive them”, and Kaede agrees she would have given a similar answer. To both Alices, their theatre groups are like family: warm, fun and full of the people they love.

Kaede remarks that every time Sakura talks about Shichirin her eyes light up.

Kaede then says she’d like to see Sakura’s ultimate performance of Alice some day. Sakura makes a promise then and there that she will show Kaede her best Alice performance, as well as her beloved theatre family.

Sakura remembers the promise after some prompting from Yuki.

"That’s right, I made a promise! I can’t stop here!"

She gets the key to work, and awakens it by using it on us. Then she heads off to revive Shichirin.

"After I revive Shichirin, you guys should come watch our performance too!"

In the epilogue Chihiro apologises to Kirihiko. She had no idea the key would go crazy like that, although Kirihiko says Sakura’s will was actually quite powerful and she was able to contain the chaos very well.

Also, we get a hint that Kirihiko might know something more about the Shichirin tamashii?

"So, it’s the Shichirin theatre group. As expected of a member of the workshop I scouted out myself, you’ve selected a great tamashii."

Much Thinking about Nothing

On the topic of this quest, I’d like to take this chance to talk a bit (sorry I actually mean, a lot) about the theatre group in general, which is something I’ve been wanting to do for a while now. Because I feel these series of quests subtly shows just how clever the writers of this game are.

The theatre group Shichirin, comprised of a bunch of actors and actresses in costume, is one of the more distinguishable set of characters in Shoumetsu Toshi. They were a famous group, reknowned for their engaging plays. But they were bought out by the circus group Anglermain (sorry if I spelt that wrong)  and were involved in Lost shortly after that.

Prior to this rank, the only way you would know anything about them is through their advents (a rotating set of quests that are available to almost all players. There are two types: ones that give evolution materials, and ones that give you the tamashii. Shichirin advents are the latter).

Overall the main gist of the series is: Yuki and Takuya are investigating the theatre members to figure out what their last performance was going to be on before Lost. Was it Peter Pan? Or was it Alice in Wonderland? (who really cares tbh. Also they never find out.)

The Shichirin advents have a unique structure:

Sakura has a weird conversation with one of the NPC characters (like Geek or Researcher). She is actually just reciting her lines as Alice but they think she is actually talking to them for real.

Gameplay bit. Takuya and Yuki search for one of the members of Shichirin, and then fight them.

After defeating them, we see a flashback of them talking to Sakura off-stage. It hints at internal politics but as it’s “adult’s business” they tend to leave Sakura out of it.

I’m gonna give my thoughts on each of these, and then relate what we know back to the ranking.

1. Sakura’s convos as Alice are meta af

As mentioned, Shichirin advents begin with NPCs like Geek and Headhunter mistaking Sakura reciting her lines as Alice for actual conversation. The surreal miscommunication can insult, intrigue, confuse and bring new perspectives to them, highlighting the bizarre meta nature of storytelling, dialogue and words in general. Are Alice’s lines just gibberish? Or do they contain a more profound hidden meaning?

The interaction is multilayered, and can be viewed in many ways. First is the interaction between a “child” and an “adult”. For example, Scientist/Eiji dismisses her as a child for who a great scientist like him has no time for. But then she poses the question (or rather, recites her line): How is a dog and table similar? Scientist has something like an epiphany: “Wow I had never considered a perspective like that.” Then ironically when Sakura leaves he wants to chase after her to spend more time probing deeper into her mind.

The other example I like is Headhunter interpreting her words as accusing him of being greedy, which is really more a reflection about how he thinks of himself than anything else. Here we see a parallel between the “innocent” child who knows nothing of the real world, and the jaded adult who knows he is flawed, but also knows there is nothing he can do about it. In fact, Sakura’s innocence is also a key theme in the story of the theatre group, but I’ll come back to that.

Sakura is just an actress, so her lines actually don’t mean anything. But to her audience, they can get many different interpretations depending on their own personal context. It’s very similar to the nature of theatre and storytelling in general. Anyway, it’s all incredibly meta which is why I love it so much (for those who care, my favourite Shakespeare play is Hamlet for the same reason).

The other little thing I appreciate about this beginning section of each of quest is how Sakura’s lines suggest a nickname for everyone. E.g. Geek is Humpty Dumpty and Researcher/Yumiko is Caterpillar (for which she takes huuuge offense). There is probably a deeper meaning to these too, but again, different people will have different interpretations. That’s just the beauty of theatre.

Speaking of different nicknames, let’s talk about the actual tamashii themselves.

2. Every cast member has two names

Shichirin tamashii take on the name of their role (e.g. Tinkerbell, Queen of Hearts, Captain Hook. This also applies to Sakura/Alice, who isn’t even an advent tamashii). The first time we meet them in the advents, they are in costume and behaving just like the character they are acting as. It really is just like interacting with the actual character from the fairytale. It is also a good indication of how passionate they are toward acting, to have their tamashii show forms like that.

So it feels like a very abrupt change when, in the flashbacks at the end of the quest, we see them using their real names (which, until now, we've never seen used anywhere else). Sometimes their personality completely changes too (just like real actors). Thus, there is a clear distinction between what happens “on-stage”, and “off-stage”.

This ranking quest capitalises on that by almost exclusively using everyone’s real names. And this really highlights that these are actual people with authentic interactions. Maybe it is because they behave so differently from when they are on-stage, that their relationships seem so genuine. It gives the feeling of watching a “behind-the-scenes” of a movie or something. And by only seeing things through Sakura’s viewpoint, we get the sense that this is a very close-knit family, without even seeing any of their faces.

3. Something foul is at play within Shichirin

Sakura’s feelings for her fellow cast members, her family, are definitely genuine. However there is a lot she doesn’t know about the happenings off-stage, hinted at in the advents. The overly positive way she announces she will “revive Shichirin” at the end of the ranking also does not bode well.

In the advents, Sakura is treated like an innocent child who knows nothing about the true world of adults. Which I guess by proxy means we don’t really know what’s going on either. There’s something about “taking sides” (Alice in Wonderland vs Peter Pan?), the possible dissolution of the group, and, by far the most interesting, the eventual sale of the group to the circus group (and front for the organisation) Anglermain.

Kirihiko’s words at the end of rank seem to be foreshadowing that we may learn more about Shichirin in the future.

Lastly, can I just say I’m really glad they finally explained Kaede, because having two tamashii called Alice had me confused for so long.

[rhysie-cakes314]

Day 12- Childhood Fear

Summary:

Sometimes, Tony just got these ideas. "We’ll each tell you a story about our childhood fears. That way,” he glanced around the room, and his eyes told them there was no getting out of this, “Peter doesn’t grow up thinking he shouldn’t talk about his feelings like some of us did.”

That's how a perfectly normal Goosebumps marathon became a night of stories and revelations that the eight year old Peter would cherish forever. 

“Viewers beware, you’re in for a scare,” the voice played over the opening before Steve turned the TV off without warning.

“Alright, I think that’s enough Goosebumps for one day,” he told the room. Steve and Peter had been watching the show all day. Each of the others had come into the room at different points, and having been sucked in by one episode or another, settled in to join the marathon. Even Tony had eventually made his way sleepily from the lab. He was currently drooling on Steve’s left shoulder, fast asleep with his plate of pizza still sitting in his lab. Between his husband and his eight year old nestled into his lap, Steve was beginning to sweat.

“But we were just about to reach season four!” Clint whined from his spot on the floor. He was leaning against Phil’s legs against the armchair, and the SHIELD agent was mindlessly playing with his hair, eyes closed.

Tony startled awake at Clint’s outburst, and Steve could punch the archer, Tony needed to sleep. The genius reached down and took another bite of pizza as though he hadn’t just been asleep. “Wait, we stopped the show?” he asked, confused. Steve stifled a laugh.

“Peter here has bed soon,” Steve explained to everyone’s groans. “We wouldn’t want him to have nightmares, would we?” He looked down at the child pointedly, ruffling his hair.

Peter pushed his hand off as he sat up, looking like Steve had insulted his honour. “I wasn’t scared! Goosebumps are only scary to babies.” Natasha thought the pout and crossed arms made the kid look just like a mini Tony. It was adorable.

“I disagree, young Peter,” Thor spoke very seriously. “I thought Slappy was quite frightening.”

“But dummy’s can’t actually talk, it was clearly just a bot.” Peter explained.

Tony pointed at the child proudly, “That’s right, squirt. You want to make a Slappy bot?” Peter giggled as he nodded in excitement.

Thor poured the rest of the popcorn into his mouth. “The dummy was possessed by a malicious spirit,” he spoke while chewing, sending flecks flying. Tony wiped a fleck of popcorn off his face.

“I guess that’s kind of scary,” Peter admitted. Thor nodded. “I thought the cursed camera was scarier, so don’t feel bad about being scared.” The Avengers shared a look as they all stifled a laugh. Peter attempting to comfort the god of thunder because he thought Thor needed it was one of the cutest things in the world. Steve looked down when he felt his shirt being tugged. “Pops, what were all of you scared of when you were kids?”

Steve opened his mouth to respond that maybe they could talk about it tomorrow, Tony sabotaged him without thinking. “That’s a great idea! We’ll each tell you a story about our childhood fears. That way,” he glanced around the room, and his eyes told them there was no getting out of this, “Peter doesn’t grow up thinking he shouldn’t talk about his feelings like some of us did.”

While Steve agreed that they should always do what they could to make sure Peter didn’t succumb to toxic masculinity, it didn’t have to be right now. “It’s getting late,” he started, but Peter placed a finger to his lips and made a shushing noise.

“Pleeeaaseee!” Peter begged. “I promise I’ll go right to sleep after.”

“And I’ll make my special hot cocoa!” Natasha sing-songed.

The night was already out of his control. Steve shot Tony a glare. They would talk about this later. Just because Tony had no semblance of a sleep schedule did not mean that Peter should inherit the bad habit. “Alright,” Steve acquiesced. Natasha had already left the room to make cocoa. The woman refused to let any of them know what made hers taste so special, claiming it was a Russian family secret. Only Bruce was ever allowed in the room and that was only to help her top them with whipped cream.

Once everyone had cocoa in their hands and was settled into the couches, Clint jumped up. “Me first!” No one fought him on it. “When I was little, there was local legend about an evil witch named Natasha-”

“No lying Uncle Clint!” Peter cried out. Clint lunged forward to tickle Peter. His squeals filled the room. Steve snatched the mug of cocoa before it spilled, shooting a glare at Clint. Clint winked at him before stepping back towards the TV again.

“You’re too smart for your own good, kid. Fine, I’ll tell a real story, though the witch Natasha scares me as an adult.” He ducked the pillow thrown at him before continuing. His face grew more serious as he decided what he should talk about that wouldn’t be too dark for an eight year old. Not that they ever shielded Peter from much, but the kid could stand to mature a little before hearing some of their tragic backstories.

“For part of my childhood, I lived with a traveling circus/carnival. They called us carnies,” he explained. “My brother, Barney, and I worked as roustabouts at first. Since we were the only kids, a lot of the adults liked to tell us stories. I was more gullible than Barney. There was this story that everyone worked together to come up with, and they each told it to me in snippets like it was some sort of historical event no one quite remembered.

“Supposedly, there was a set of conjoined twins who used to be part of the crew. Their names were Riley and Kylie. The two women were polar opposites in personality, and their constant bickering became the source of their act. The problem was, Kylie didn’t want to be in a carnival. She wanted to get surgery to separate them, but Riley loved their lifestyle travelling around the country with nothing to tie them down. The doctors wouldn’t attempt anything without permission from both twins; it was a dangerous surgery that was rarely done anyway.

“Their bickering slowly became screaming matches that kept everyone awake at night. Kylie begged her sister to let her live her own life. Riley could come up with her own act, she didn’t need Kylie or to be a freak. She could be a trapeze artist or something, Kylie argued. Riley would scream that Kylie would never escape her, that they were born together and would stay together until the day they died.

“And it might have turned out that way if Kylie hadn’t fallen in love with the knife thrower. They sent each other love notes, Kylie only writing and reading while Riley slept. The affair was rife with tension because the man wanted sex, but there was an obvious obstacle.”

Peter snorted at the picture in his head. Sex still seemed gross to him, but it would be extra weird if your sister was attached to you.

Clint waggled his eyebrows at Peter, happy to know the boy was enjoying the story. “Together, the star-crossed lovers hatched a plan. Kylie started hinting to Riley that they should try mixing their act with some of the others, that maybe if Riley found a new partnership she’d like, they could finally agree on the surgery. Riley bought into it, happy enough to humour her sister if it meant they’d stop screaming at each other every night.

“The twins tried out a few things, including letting the knife-thrower use them as a target. The rehearsals went fine, the man never missed, and he always successfully surrounded them with knives without hitting them once. After weeks of this, the ringmaster okayed the act for the show. Kylie was thrilled, their plan would commence that night.

“In front of a live audience, Riley was murdered by knife after knife to her chest. Her screams became the talk of the town for years.” Clint heard Peter gasp softly. “With Riley dead, the doctors had no choice but to separate her from Kylie. The lovers did not get to celebrate their success for long, because the angry ghost of Riley showed up the very next night. The poor roustabout who found their bodies could barely tell who they were, they had been stabbed so many times.

“But that wasn’t the worst part! No, the rumour started that the vengeful spirit of the murdered twin still haunted the troupe and killed anybody who lied to their sibling.” Clint shuddered. “Barney held that over me for years. I couldn’t lie to him at all because I was terrified of being stabbed by a ghost!” Clint bowed theatrically.

Peter clapped until everyone gave polite applause. “That is scary, Uncle Clint! But you shouldn’t lie to people anyway,” he lectured sternly. Clint couldn’t possibly be expected not to laugh at that!

The eight year old only frowned deeper until Clint held his hands up in surrender. “You’re so very right, Peter, I’m sorry. My brother and I weren’t good kids.”  

Mollified, Peter stood on Tony’s legs to announce who would be up next. “Aunt Tasha, you’re up!”

The assassin took Clint’s place in front of her family. She looked nervous for a moment, something none of them had ever seen on her. “So,” she started, voice sharp. She cleared her throat, softening her tone. “This is complicated, my kroshka,” she met Peter’s gaze seriously. He nodded for her to go on. Peter was a smart kid, raised by a genius, but he was only eight. Natasha barely understood her own childhood. “I’m not sure which of my childhood memories are real and which are false,” she explained gently.

Peter scooted his butt off the couch, surprising the the woman with a hug. “That’s okay Tasha,” he assured her. Natasha wasn’t sure when she had become so entangled in this family; she never imagined she’d love a child like she loved Peter Stark-Rogers. Having children had never been in her own plans, but she would give anything for this kid’s happiness. “Fears are real even if their source isn’t anyway.” He looked up at her. It was such a wise thing for a child to say, all of the Avengers looked a little taken aback. “But you don’t have to tell one if you don’t want to.”

The redhead leaned down, placing a kiss on Peter’s forehead. “Thank you,” she whispered. “For you, my kroshka, I will.” Peter’s face brightened and he ran back to Tony’s lap, ignoring the squawk from his father.

“In that case, I’ll tell you one of the things I do remember.” Natasha tucked her hair behind her ears while she collected her thoughts. “Now, this isn’t real, but I remember it as though it were. The scientists that raised me made me believe that I spent years of my life training at a ballet studio.

“At this studio, I had an imaginary teacher, he name was Ms. Nida. Ms. Nida was very strict, and she scared me.” The corner of her lips twitched into a near smile, the false memories bittersweet. She sometimes wish they were real, because they were much nicer than her reality. “I know it may seem silly that I was afraid of a ballet instructor, but you know that look Steve gets when he’s angry at Tony?” She asked Peter.

Peter nodded enthusiastically. “Pops has a scary angry face!”

Tony burst out laughing when Steve blushed, looking at his son, horrified. “Do I scare you?” he asked.

Peter shook his head. “No, I know you only get mad ‘cause you care. But if I didn’t know you, it’d be very scary!” Tony continued to laugh through the entire affair. Steve thought he enjoyed it a little too much.

Natasha waited for their attention to return before she went on. “Well Ms. Nida had a similar face when she got mad. And she could yell like an angry Tony.” It was Steve’s turn to chuckle when Peter shuddered. “So when we were learning our parts for Swan Lake, and I was having trouble remembering it, I tried to hide and skip lessons. I didn’t want her to yell at me. Ms. Nida knew all of the studio’s nooks and crannies, though. There was no way I was going to avoid her.

“She called out for me in each room as she searched. Her voice grew angrier with every yell. When she did find me, she slapped me over and over, and made me explain to the whole ballet troupe why they were going to be punished the next day; that it was all my fault. The embarrassment is what really frightened me in the end. I thought all of the other dancers would hate me. So my fear was of being hated.” Natasha finished, waiting patiently for Peter’s reaction.

For his part, the boy looked thoughtful for a moment. “But you’re not afraid of being hated now?”

She shook her head, smiling down at him. “I don’t like to be hated, but I don’t fear it. Some people won’t like you, kroshka, plain and simple. There’s nothing you’ll be able to do to avoid it so there’s no sense fearing it. All you can do is be yourself.”

“I know, there’s already kids at school who hate me,” he answered sadly.

“What!? Who are they? I will march down to that school-”

Steve cut him off. “Tony, you will do no such thing. People are allowed to not like Peter.”

Tony huffed. “Well they’re stupid, then. He’s perfect and brilliant and nice…” he tickled the kid in his lap, relishing in the giggles.

Steve watched them fondly. “Who’s next Peter?”

“Hmmm… You!” He pointed at Steve.

Steve smiled. “Well that’s easy. I was afraid-”

“No! You have to stand in front and tell it like a story!” Peter demanded, Tony nodding in agreement behind him. Steve sighed, moving to face the audience.

“Well, everyone knows that I wasn’t a healthy kid. I was constantly ill, too skinny, and had pretty bad asthma. It was just my mom and I, and we never had enough money, mostly because my medicine and doctor’s appointments cost so much. The obvious answer to your question, Peter, would be to say that I was afraid of dying, but it wasn’t that simple.

“I’ve never been afraid of dying. For one, my mother always taught me to believe in God, and I’ve never had trouble knowing that I’ll be in heaven after I die. Nothing could be scary about that. There were many winters when I would go to bed very aware that I may not wake up ever again.”

A harsh burst of air punched out of Tony at the same time that Peter let out a soft “oh.” Neither of them seemed to be aware of it as they watched Steve with rapt attention, waiting for more. It was easy to forget that Steve used to be so fragile. He just seemed invincible most of the time.

Steve gave them a sad smile. “That’s just how it was when a skinny poor kid got the flu back then. The flu vaccine didn’t even exist yet. I think I got my first one in the middle of the war,” he added as an afterthought. “Sometimes, being that sick and miserable, death sounded kind of nice. My body would finally stop suffering.” Steve met Peter’s tearful gaze and locked onto them. Peter had never been kept away from the reality of death and suffering. It was something Steve and Tony had agreed on before adopting the boy. He couldn’t have superheroes as parents and not be as prepared for the worst as one can be.

“What I was afraid of, was leaving my mother alone. She was so sad sometimes, lonely after my father died, and I had made it my mission in life to make her as happy as I could. She tried her best to put on a brave face whenever I got really sick, but she couldn’t hide the terror in her eyes. My mother couldn’t lose me, not if I could help it. That fear is probably the only thing that kept me alive through the worst of it. I would feel myself make the decision sometimes, the choice to not die. Because leaving her alone and sad was scarier than the pain of living.” His husband and son were both crying now, and Thor sniffed loudly.

Peter stood and faced his pops. Steve was prepared for a hug, but Peter didn’t hug him. Instead he grew very serious. “Thank you for staying alive. It was very brave.” He gave a firm nod, then sat back down. When had the night become this serious? Peter’s words surprised a small gasp from Steve. He had to clear his throat, decidedly not contributing more to tonight’s tears.

“You’re welcome. I love you.” They snuggled into the couch again, Peter forcing his dads to lean on each other to hold his tiny hands in the middle. He balanced himself on one leg from each of them. Without speaking, he pointed at Thor.

Thor beamed. “I would be honoured to tell a story, tiny Peter!” He stood so heroically, it was easy to forget he was in a t-shirt and sweats instead of his armour and cape. “It has been thousands of years since I was a child. Growing up as the son of the All-Father, I was raised as a warrior from birth. I was too strong to fear anything in Asgard or any of the nine-realms for that matter. No, I was too confident for my own good. What I did fear, was that I would not live up to my responsibilities.

“I knew from the beginning that someday, I must take over as king of Asgard. Frigga and Odin raised me well, and I knew that in theory I would be ready. But in practice, it was far too easy to fail. Technically, past the time when my body resembled a Midgardian child, I was certainly still a child in maturity and age, given Asgardian lifespans. In the 9th century AD, I was given my first task that resembled a practice run for being a king. I traveled to Midgard, and went by the name Donner. The All-Father had tasked me to promote the worship of Asgardians amongst the Norse-men. It seemed to be going splendidly, and my fear of leading and failing was fading.

“The fear was brought forth anew when I found out how the vikings used my name after I left. They slaughtered thousands of Christians in the name of the thunder god. I had never intended my followers to become so cruel. I must not have been clear enough in my leadership. It was an important wake-up call for me. The smallest mistake in handling a people could lead to disaster. That was probably what I would consider the end of my adolescence.”

The room was silent. No one was sure right away if Thor was finished. Peter finally broke the silence, “You don’t sound like you were ever a child.” His brow was furrowed in confusion. “I love you, Uncle Thor, but you’re weird.” It was definitely along the lines of what they were all thinking, but Peter had the bluntness of a child on his side.

Thor let out a boisterous guffaw. “You are not wrong, little one. The fears of an Asgardian prince are perhaps not like the fears of a Midgardian child. You may one day understand that they’re not too different either.” Steve noticed that Thor did that sometimes. He would say two conflicting things, but it sounded entirely true nonetheless. Steve supposed it came from the wisdom of his years. “With great power comes great responsibility,” the god summarized.

Peter looked filled with awe at the statement. He was so lucky to have so many cool aunts and uncles. Who else at school could say they had a god as an uncle? “Uncle Bruce, would you go next, please?”

Bruce stood in front of them all, fidgeting a little. Bruce didn’t talk about his childhood. Ever. They all had vague ideas about his history, but even Natasha hadn’t read about it in his SHIELD file. She normally valued knowing people over their privacy, but Bruce was so private and meek, it just felt wrong to pry. The scientist pulled his glasses off, wiped them with his shirt, put them back on. He glanced between Steve and Tony a few times before locking eyes with Tony. “Are you okay with me talking about my childhood with him?” he asked quietly.

Tony was the only one that knew. Bruce didn’t open up much, and had only shared small snippets with Tony in the strange twilight hours of long nights together in the lab. They came when the two were heavily sleep deprived, and usually after Tony had revealed something painful about his own childhood. Tony was deeply honoured to be in Bruce’s trust, but he still didn’t feel like he knew as much about Bruce as Bruce did about him.

The rest of the room watched them with baited breath. Even Peter seemed to pick up on the privacy of the moment and held his tongue. Tony held his best friend’s gaze. He had no issue with Peter hearing these things, his son had unfortunately heard worse. Wade Wilson’s past was pretty terrible, and the two of them seemed to attract all the children from broken homes at school. Tony liked to assume it was Peter’s amazing kindness that brought the saddest children to his side, seeking comfort. The kid’s heart was so pure and giving. Tony was only worried about Bruce. “Only if you’re okay to talk about it,” he answered eventually.

Another tense moment past before Bruce made up his mind. He sat down on the floor, smiling at Peter. “Is it alright if I sit while I tell my story, honey?” In response, Peter extricated himself from his parents’ laps and sat next to Bruce, locking their hands together. Peter gave him an encouraging smile. Bruce kept the tiny hand in his and his eyes on Peter’s through the whole story. It was so intimate, and Steve’s heart swelled. His family was so perfect.

“Well, I’m not sure how to start,” Bruce admitted quietly. “I guess I should start by tell you that not everyone should have children.” Peter nodded gravely. “My father was not a good man. At least, not while I knew him. My mother was far too good for him, and he knew it.” Bruce took a steadying breath. Peter’s hand in his gave him the strength to go on. He could do this.

“My mother, Rebecca, loved me very much. I was the center of her universe, and sometimes it made it easy to forget that my father was there on the sidelines. If we focused enough on each other, it was like we could enter our own little pretend world, where he didn’t harm us. We both feared him. If he came home smelling of booze, she would try to hide me away fast enough that only she would get a taste of his wrath, but it rarely worked.

“You see, Brian, that was his name, Brian thought he loved my mother. I’m not so sure he knew what love was. In truth, Brian loved to own her. She was his wife and that meant she was supposed to adore him. So when my mother loved me, showed me that love, he was furious. The jealousy consumed him more than his alcoholism. Brian hated me because in his eyes, I stole his wife’s attention from him. I don’t think Brian ever showed me a single ounce of kindness, only hate. He beat me bloody and told me how much he wished I had never been born, how much I didn’t deserve his Rebecca.”

“He was wrong,” Peter whispered without thinking.

Bruce smiled sadly. “Yes, he was. I luckily had my mother’s love and her cousin’s love to counter that hate. They made sure I knew that his hatred had never been my fault.” He sighed, and Steve thought he had never looked so old and worn. “Nevertheless, I feared him. One night, my mother and I packed up some bags, and were going to escape. Brian, in a drunken rage, he killed my mother.” Peter gasped. “I watched him beat her to death in the driveway, too afraid to do anything. He ended up in a mental facility and the last I ever saw him was when I testified against him in court. Brian was my only childhood fear, but I also never faced it. Peter, I,” he cut himself off. The room was deafeningly silent. “I don’t tell you this easily, and it’s not just to show how scared I was as a child.

“I was about your age when it happened. It’s okay to be afraid, but I never stopped, and that’s where I want you to be different. My unfaced fears became anxiety and fear of a lot of things around me. The only way I found comfort was not in my mother’s cousin who raised me after the murder, but in my imaginary friend ‘Hulk.’ Hulk was fearless and angry like I wished I was, and he could handle all of my fears for me. I depended on this figment of my imagination all the way into adulthood. So when the accident happened, and I got the Other Guy, it shouldn’t have surprised me. I made him.”

Peter wrapped his arms around Bruce’s neck. They hugged, tight. No one had anything they could say to a revelation like that. Tony had no regrets in letting Bruce tell the tale, and Steve was glad for it. Peter had recently been more curious about the Other Guy and how that could be his Uncle Bruce at the same time. Neither of them felt capable of explaining the ideas of repressed anger that Bruce encompassed, but Bruce had explained it beautifully and in a way an eight year old could still understand. “I love you and the Other Guy, Uncle Bruce,” Peter spoke fiercely. He pulled back from the scientist’s arms, smiling at him brightly. “You are him and he is you. I love all of you.”

Everyone was sniffling at this point. How could they not? Peter stood there, clueless to how much they were all admiring him. “Uncle Phil!” he singsonged. It was so at odds with the mood of the room, that it broke the tension. Steve could feel them all shift, changing focus and allowing the stifling emotions to dissipate. “Your turn!”

Coulson spoke the same way he gave mission reports and debriefings. Clint was grinning at the man the entire time, snickering occasionally, and Phil was expertly ignoring the man. “I’m not nearly as interesting,” he started, all dry humour and sarcasm. “I was afraid of Bloody Mary as a kid. I’m sure you’ve heard of her.” Peter nodded in agreement. He and Wade had already tried to summon her several times before JARVIS explained that it was only an urban legend. “My older sister had me convinced that her friend at school had been killed by her. She even made a fake newspaper article and obituary. My whole family got in on it. I was terrified. I didn’t successfully make it through her name three times until I was sixteen. They haven’t let me live it down to this day.”

Peter clapped and laughed before a yawn overtook him. “Thank you guys, I loved it!” He looked at Steve. “I promised I’d go to bed, so, I gotta go.” The rascal even made it as far as the hallway before Steve caught up to him, scooping up the squealing bundle.

“I think you’re forgetting one of the people in the room.” He began walking back to the group, meeting Tony’s amused expression equally.

Peter shook his head. “Nope! Daddy’s not afraid of anything.”

Tony stretched with an exaggerated yawn. “You heard the kid, I have no fears!” His shit-eating grin was begging for a smack. Peter giggled gleefully, enjoying their little collaboration.

“Oh really?” Steve cocked a brow at Tony, smirking. “Fearless Tony Stark-Rogers never needs my comfort again, huh?”

Tony stuck his tongue out. “Yeah!”

“I don’t think so, mister,” Steve made sure to put on his stern Papa voice. “This was your idea, you can finish it up.”

Tony scrunched up his nose, never able to deny that voice. Steve knew it, too, and really, Tony should be glad that the man didn’t abuse the power. “Fine, fine. I’ll go.” He stood to face the crew. If only Peter weren’t here, he’d make something meaningless up. But everyone had been so honest, and his son deserved the truth from him. “I never had to worry about money, or being sickly, or believing in superstitions, or leading worlds for that matter.” Tony allowed time for the chuckles. He was nothing if not a showman. “Being born a Stark prodigy, normal childhood fears and wants were just not a consideration. I can relate to the abusive father bit, though I didn’t fear Howard. If anything, I pitied him.

At first, I thought I was afraid of alcohol. I thought maybe it was the reason my father could be so cruel. But even then, I wasn’t afraid of it. I merely hated my father for succumbing to it. If I could drink it as a four year old and not be so mean, then clearly my dad must just be weak.” He glanced over at the minibar against his will. “No, I didn’t fear alcohol either.”

Tony began pacing. “What kept me up at night and fed my nightmares, well it was far spookier.” He quirked a lopsided smile at his son. Peter was watching him carefully. He was enjoying the show, but he knew his dad well enough to know that Tony was only pretending to be blasé. His dad was going to tell him something important, and Peter would hang on every word like usual.

“I was afraid of myself.” Clint snorted, and Natasha smacked him. “Yeah, I know how it sounds, but I was. No matter how many times I went over the data, the only conclusion I could come to that could explain why I had no friends and not even my parents loved me was that I was wrong. Something was wrong with me. I shouldn’t exist, I must be an abomination. And it frightened me.

I was afraid that I could never be good either. If I was so utterly unloveable and wrong to begin with, how could I get better? I tried lots of ways to be different, to just be someone else other than the loathsome Anthony Edward Stark, but I always came back terrifyingly me.” He frowned, trying to think of the words to make this make more sense. “The way I saw it, I suppose, was that there was two of me. There was the one doing the thinking and the feeling, and there was the scary other that somehow always ruined it for me. And I didn’t know how to get rid of him.” He shrugged. “Whelp, time for bed!”

“What!?” Peter and Clint yelled in unison. “You can’t leave it there,” Clint continued. “There’s no resolution! What kind of story telling is that!?”

“Yeah!” Peter agreed enthusiastically.

Tony threw his hands up. “Well I don’t know! I don’t have a resolution. That was my childhood fear, I answered the question!”

Peter shook his head. “Fine, I’ll finish for you!” Peter stood in front of Tony, mimicking the man’s body language. He cleared his throat. Tony was thrilled to see where this was going. “So I kept trying to run away,” Peter tried to make his voice deep. Tony’s grin was so wide it hurt. They were all laughing silently, watching the scene unfold. Peter was so cute it was hard to remember the subject matter. “I got in trouble,” Peter gave up on doing the voice. “I made friends while pretending to be not Tony. All me new friends thought I was fun and all party, but I knew the real me. The scary other.” Tony suddenly felt kind of cold. Was he so transparent that an eight year old could read him like this? He had never wanted Peter to be the one teaching everyone else how to be. It was his job to teach Peter, but he often found himself learning more than teaching.

“It was only when I finally let some people meet the real me, and found that they didn’t run away screaming, that I began to face my fear. If Uncle Rhodey, I mean Rhodey, wasn’t scared of me, then why should I be scared of me. So then I realized I was actually awesome and cool, and I met Steve who was also awesome, and we fell in love and lived happily ever after!” Peter finished big, raising his fists in a victorious stance. Tony stood in shock behind him while the rest of his family erupted into applause.

“Bravo!” Thor shouted.

“Now that’s resolution!” Clint agreed.

Peter turned to grin up at his dad. He snatched the man’s hand, and began dragging him towards his room. “Now come tuck me in, Daddy.” Tony let himself be led away, looking back at Steve with his face frozen in shock. Steve only smiled at them.

When Tony finally joined Steve in bed, he shuddered, letting the tears fall. Steve sat up, glad when JARVIS turned up the lights without being asked. “Peter hit a little too close to home?” Steve asked, pulling Tony into his arms. Tony didn’t respond, but nodded into his husband’s chest. Steve let him cry for a little longer. “He was right, y’know.”

Tony pulled away and eyed the blond with disbelief. Steve wasn’t having it, though. “No really, Tony, he was. Look at all the awesome people who love you. If you were so abhorrent, then either we’ve all lost it, or kid you got it wrong. Now which do you think is more likely?”

Tony made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “I’m still not convinced you haven’t all lost it.”

Steve chuckled a little as well, pulling Tony down with him to lie down. “Maybe it’s a little of both,” he admitted happily. JARVIS lowered the lights again, and the two men held each other until they fell asleep.