#I had so many more guys what happened
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It will only let me have 5 options :( I had so many more ideas :(((
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Curtwen Week Day 6: Happy Ending
#I like to believe that there is a universe where they get to grow old together#just one#look once upon a time I read a fic that had me bawling my fuckin eyes out where they get to grow old together#I do want to say that I believe in personal growth and I think that Curt can 100% have a happy ending without Owen- where he can grow#away from that experience and where he can healthily cope with the trauma he ended up with#where he can find solace in something other than alcohol and where he can find it in himself to forge new relationships and build his#connections with people like Tatiana#etc etc#I just want to make it known that this is one of many happy endings that could happen#(amongst the several sad ones that I know also exist)#ALSO I wanted to draw the old men and I do what I want#but yeah something something if the universe is infinite /ref#maybe this is a universe where the banana incident never happened and they were able to retire together#ough#the curtwen feels are really getting me today#I adore them#also I used a new brush ive been having fun with this past week#doesn’t it look cool?#I really like drawing with it and I like how it looks so#we might be seeing more of this one in the future#although 6b is still my guy#damn y’know hypothetically- if Owen (depending on the au) and Curt lived to be in their 60s (at least) they would witness the first Pride#god can you imagine that?#At the very least Curt being around for stonewall and everything that came after that with queer rights#FUCK anyways#fun fact: a group of frogs is called an army#isn’t that cute#reminds me of that one person on TikTok that raised like a thousand frogs- they had a literal army of frogs#crazy#curtwen week
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YOU JUST HƎARD IT FROM [HIS MOUTH] FOR SURƎ!!!
#cw gore#cw blood#jrwi fanart#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi suckening#BEEN VEHEMENTLY SCRIBBLING THIS THING ALL DAY#IM SO FUCKING IN LVOE W THE NEW EPISODE#VIV N VEX ARE LITERALLY EVERYTHING I COULDVE EVER WANTED. I LOVE BLOOD AND MEAT AND BLOOD AND MEAT#THE SCRIBBLE IS KINDA ROUGH SO DONT LOOK AT IT TOO HARD BUT EHEHEHEEEE THE FACE THAT I CREATED UNNERVES ME#AND IM VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT. I LOVE CREATING SOMETHING AND HAVING IT EVEN SLIGHTLY PHASE ME#I LOVED ALL THE TOOTH RIPPING NOISES IN THIS EPISODE. AHVE U EVER HAD A TOOTH REMOVED?#SHE USED A BLUNT METAL TOOL TO PUNCH IT OUT. IT REMINDED ME OF THE SPLINTERING OF A TREE. THE WAY IT TORE.#SUCH A SPECIFIC SORT OF CRUNCHING AND SPLINTERING AS A MOLAR WAS RRRRIPPPEEDD FROM THE SOCKET. OHH I LOVE IT.#GOING IN FOR A ROOT CANAL NEXT WEEK AND IM VERY EXCITED. ALL THE DENTISTS LOVE ME N ARE SO NICE TO ME#WHAT A GREAT EPISODE. I HOPE THE URGE TO DRAW MORE STRIKES ME LIKE THIS AGAIN. WEEEE!!#I WANNA ANIMATE EMIZEL GETTIN HIS EYE RRIPPED OUT. BUT. IM ALREADY COOKING 3 OTHER VIV N VEX ANIMATIONS#THERES NO WAY THEY WILL ALL BE FINISHED HELP!! HELP MEE!!!! I HAVE TO MANY IDEAS AND NOT ENOUGH HANDS. DO U GUYS REMEMBER HTF?#OR HAPPY TREE FRIENDS. THE CUTE ANIMAL SHOW W ALL THE BLOOD AND GORE AND TERRIBLE TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPENING TO THE CUTE ANIMALS#in elementary school i would show the 'eyes cold lemonade' to other kids and tell em thats how they make pink lemonade.#hope that helps you undertsand. i wish i could make a lil cartoon w just viv n vex doing what they do best#LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. IM GOING BACK TO MY LAB. DONT EXPECT TO HEAR FROM ME IN A MILLION YEARS
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anyone interested in talking about the iconic 2000's middle-grade-bordering-on-ya book series gallagher girls??
#okay incoming rant about this series#i read the first book when i was 10 or 11 and i was absolutely obssessed with it. i read it so many times i had the entire story memorized#the issue was that i could not find the rest of the series anywhere. it was either sold out or out of stock#and then i found out that only the first 3 books had been translated into my first language so at that point i kinda gave up on them#anyway#flashforward to a couple of weeks ago#i was re organizing my bookshelf and on the back i found LYKY (is this how y'all are abreviating it??)#and remembred how much i loved it#and since i'm now fluent in english and was stuck at home recovering from a surgery i decided to download the entire series and read it#to find out what the fuck happened afterwards#long story short i read all six books in 4 or 5 days#and i haven't stopped thinking about them since#it's actually so funny how little information we have in the first book#i went all of these years thinking it was mostly a silly series about a boarding school for spies when actually SO MUCH happens afterwards#i can't believe i went all of these years unaware of zach goode's existence#truly character of all time#but also i can't stop thinking about how interesting it would have been if zach had come to hate the circle and his mom during the series#rather than before#make it a true enemies to lovers#and have us witness that portion of his character developement in real time instead of being told about it#like him slowly realizing through cammie and his time at gallagher that maybe what they were doing is wrong#i think it would have been very interesting to read#although let's be real it took me until halfway through book four to trust him and he was fully one of the good guys so..#but yeah i have a lot more to say but these tags are long enough#gallagher girls#okay i just want to add another funny anecdote about my experience with this series#my copy of LYKY has an age warning in the back recomending that readers should be above 13 yo to read it#and i distinctly remember finishing it and thinking the warning was kind of dumb bcs besides a few mentions of death and other heavier topi#nothing really happened#and now i realize it was a warning for the rest of the series not just the first book because jesus fucking chirst everything after
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the coolest kids in forgotten valley!!☆
(…it seems there may have been a stretch of time where rock and lumina were the only kids in forgotten valley…🥲)
poseref
#in the remake hugh and the player’s kid are the same number of years apart#so i can see them having very similar conversations n friendship#surely these two kids will grow up well adjusted and they will have no lasting effects from this kind of isolation. they will be fine#i have been thinking a lot about what their childhoods were like. i want to protect both of them#everyone who has anything to say about them as kids says that both of them were not well behaved children at all#tei says rock was rambunctious and energetic and hard to handle. sebastian says lumina was less than amenable#rock says he was bored to death when he first came here and lumina asks you not to tell romana that she’s lonely#lumina also hated wearing dresses so. she is very mad and ready to bite people maybe#sos awl#bokumono#my art#rock tumbling (sos)#harvest moon#story of seasons#story of seasons a wonderful life#bokujou monogatari#i like to imagine a au where pony and cecilia come to visit their family’s respective farms#so these two can have more friends ;w;#i am always thinking about how they were both severed from their families and taken in by someone else at a young age to live in nowhere#and they are both not exactly enthused about following the path laid out for them#headcanon ⚠️ i wonder if rock’s moving out on his own happened when he was a teenager. he was extremely confident everything would work out#anyway he got fired from every job ever and after many years came crawling back. and he came crawling back blond#at the time of chapter 1 lumina is baffled by the state of the guy she grew up with. why is he using dated slang and wearing disco costume#she is also kind of mad at him for having been gone for so long#hc rock probably had more freedom as a kid than lumina did which probably annoyed her#once again takakura retrieves a small rock from the goddess pond and he’s covered in poison ivy bee stings etc. no remorse#lumina from her window on the hill feels somehow jealous of these misadventures#lumina mentions in her heart event that she doesn’t often visit the beach because her skin burns easily#meanwhile rock was probably playing outside always. if his kid is any indication#idk i like thinking about the history of this extremely small village
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Scout can NEVER try cooking an omelet because Spy would walk in and see Scout's first ever attempt and since its not a perfect omelet Spy would give criticism and then try to teach Scout how to make a perfect omelet to honor his french heritage but Scout would be so outraged by what he perceives as Spy insulting his attempt and then trying to take over so he would just leave the kitchen and not eat anything for lunch, leaving Spy alone in the kitchen with all the omelet materials wondering why trying to teach his son how to make the french meal did not work
#look when you are an american and your father is french. shit happens#the second i moved out i made so many omelets. and yes some were burnt or falling apart. but you know what?#i had infinitely more fun making the omelets myself then i ever did with my dad grabbing me by the wrist and moving my hand like a puppet#french fathers who missed several years of their american childs life be like: how the fuck do you parent. this adult child of mine is shit#normal guy who totally isnt projecting onto Scout and Spy#this is so fun because if there was a venn diagram of me and scout it would nearly be a circle. im not a merc and im not boston#i can literally be like: here are things i hate about my father. but then replace father with Spy and it still matches. slayyyyyyyy#except my dad made me stop playing baseball because i have no depth perception and kept getting hit in the face :(#tf2 scout#tf2 spy#dadspy
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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-
but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again
(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)
i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)
weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward
but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.
right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#sorta#suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw#theres some construction stuff on our house going on#and my father is extremely stressed about it#he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed#my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi#to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself#which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee#and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her#to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life#BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her#without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears#and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains#but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being#always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold#but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings
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I feel like we dont talk about one of the main reasons nico was ostracized at camp, not just because hes a son of hades.
Camp half blood is small enough so that rumors and information spread fast, but that doesn't mean they are always right. So imagine you're a random camper, and you're told nico, one of the new campers, gets in a big fight with Percy. During which he makes skeletons appear and somehow opens a huge crack in the floor. But percy wins and nico leaves camp.
Don't you think it would've rang a bell?
Don't you think it would've reminded them too much of two summers ago, with luke?
Dont you think everyone would've been even more scared, because now they know nico is a child of hades, one of the big three, and therefore very powerful?
There must have been so many rumors that summer of nico being part of the kronos army. Betraying camp just like luke did.
Of course after the battle of manhattan many people would've changed their minds. Hes in their side now, after all. But there are probably still many campers who think nico left them to join luke, before he changed their mind and helped them win against luke and kronos. People who still hold a grudge against him for joining the "enemy".
#i havent read the battle of the labyrinth in a while so aorry if this gets cleared up by then#ive never really seen anyone talk about this#nico being a son of hades cant be the only reason hes not well liked by camp#of course hes just emo and traumatized and thinks everyone hates him when they dont but i dont think he was exactly popular at camp#and also this has been in my mind for a few days#i just love nico hes so sad and traumatized#my poor little guy#he got misjudged by so many people for a out of context rumor that got changed and twisted as it spread#obviously at first percy told the truth to chiron and annabeth andnother people who came to ask “yo what happened with the new kid”#(will definitely asked him) (he met nico in the infirmary and had a crush on him since)#i mean everyone must have been curious as to why the floor of the dining pavillion was all broken#but as rumors do it just turned into a broken telephone situation where the story got more and more dramatic#if you asked some (very exaggerated)people they would tell you he tried to kill percy and he was actually sent by luke to camp#percy jackson#pjo#camp half blood#heroes of olympus#nico di angelo#solangelo#pjo headcanon#percy series
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Ohhhh boy. I have come with (yet another) Eldritch!Lucifer concept design. It will happen again. Ksnsbef
Inspiration taken from omori/madoka/genshin.
I have so many biblically accurate designs in the drafts bc I just. cannot see Luci with one definite look. Hence the hc that the closer his appearance is to his 'true' form, the more unstable it becomes. my baby would drive quantum physicists mad.
#eldritch lucifer morningstar#see one body is not enough. turns him into a planetary system#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin lucifer#lucifer morningstar#flakes art#not described#undescribed#might rework this later. to probably hopefully render him ksjsjdjdkdk.#fun facts abt this lil guy right there#1) the 'planet' he's holding is shaped like an apple. :)#2) aurora borealis can be seen in the area his wings do not cover#3) related to 2). due to instability in his angelic energy field thingy (his angelic and demonic sides not meshing well together)#there are probably soo many windstorms in there#if someone compares him to a vagina again I will cry /lh#“see that's why he gets along so well with vaggie” -🩹 NOOOO NO NO NONONO#edit: okay nevermind the symbolism is great actually#edit edit: him emulating the birthing process him recreating an entire ecosystem out of himself within himself#him clutching at any shred of familiarity he can find#no matter how broken or dysfunctional. no matter if it's barely holding itself together. no matter if it means he has to tear *himself* int#he misses home he misses his family so much screams#him trying to recreate what they once had but there's a big gaping fucking hole in the sky and the living reminder of what happened#constantly replaying around#and if he focus hard enough he can still feel himself Falling#it's all on a subconscious level but anyway. Yeah#flakes rambles#there's def more to say but it's 6am already...hahaha eepy time#edit edit edit: okay in a sense this is less like a 'true form' and more like a physical manifestation of his psyche#BUT STILL#OKAY EEPY TIME FORREALSIEs
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Maybe is my very particular interpretation but for me gods are very much a Concept more than people so the whole gale/mystra thing is very much a wizard falling in love with magic itself as an artist falls in love with art itself. And oh man no matter how much you love it that cant never love you back. Not like a real person. But you feel something is missing and you dont know what it is (it is real human connection and people who actually love you) so you are like. "Ah i see i could become Better At What I Am I just need to Improve." And thats your thing ! and what people said you were good at since you were a kid thats where your value is isnt it!!
#mystra telling gale to kill himself its a metaphor of thinking you have to crunch and overwork in this essay i will#bg3#bg3 spoilers#anyways i find gale/mystra fucked up thing fascinating narrativelly in like#oh This Really Would Fuck Up Someone Big Time Wouldnt It#in a loving gale way in a “im studying what happened here” way not in a shipping way u know#like this story its so good.#so many things that in the first game were like xd gale really loves u for doing the bare minimun haha lmao lol#are like. oh boy he didnt even have the bare minimun#sometimes in his romance he says such sad stuff like “its nice to feel wanted :>”#bestie thats the bare minimun in a relationship what did mystra did to you#a friend who just started act 1 told me “gale has very low standars for a guy who fucked a god.you would think he expected more from people#makes u think.....#he is like some colleages tried to contact/visit me at first#like colleages not friends gale?? did you had some friend apart fron tara before the game????#gale of waterdeep#mystra
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i think the reason why im so drawn to spirit tracks and pkmn scarvi is that having the legendary/princess as a companion rather than a goal that marks the games completion makes me feel satisfied the way i would after helping a friend
my brother always teases me about how I still havent finished botw after almost 7 years bc "id rather be out picking flowers" which i wont say is untrue. and yes i know Zeldas been holding off ganon for 100 years, yes i can get some sort of idea what her relationship with link was like by recalling memories and going through her diary. ive always loved botw for its unique storytelling and setting which makes it stand out, because it lets you get to know who you're saving.
but because theyre memories, it only works if theres something for the player to investigate that already happened. its retroactive (but effective nonetheless)
on the other hand, spirit tracks does something similar but instead of having the player try to piece together memories and interpret them as a spectator, you actually have an opportunity to get to know zelda yourself by talking to her and working together. besides making it a gameplay mechanic, giving the player control over how they interact with zelda makes it so much more personable.
and I find that making the goal feel personal instead of an obligation gives me more of a reason to work towards it. I know what kind of person botw zelda was but as the player, shes still very much a stranger to me. but spirit tracks zelda? thats my friend!!!! she invited me to go to the beach after we get her body back!!! i dont want to whip her to make her move faster thats mean :(
you know how hostage negotiators are trained to introduce themselves and get to know the person theyre negotiating with because its harder to hurt someone when you know what their favorite food is? its kinda like that, because it feels like im helping a friend than being told or led to do smth
and although i havent played scarvi myself, i feel an attachment to koraidon and miraidon even just watching playthrough clips because its like!! thats my weird scaly dog!! it loves sandwiches and we're friends!!! you know!!!!!!
#i dont normally write long posts like this but i think ive been trying to put this into words for a long time and it finally happened#my cloth mother spirit tracks zelda and my wire mother lttp zelda#ACTUALLY ANOTHER THING when i was a kid i always felt guilty when i had to catch the legendary at the end of the game#because to me it was like 'i know none of this is real but if i capture you and have you under my thumb am i robbing the world of something#normal thoughts for a 10 year old to have#when i talked to my brother abt this he was like 'i mean yeah the point is to dunk on the NPCs what were you expecting' and i mean i think#i get that its supposed to feel rewarding because the legendary is THE reward. but it doesnt feel right and i dislike he feeling of pushing#others down to get ahead. i guess u can argue sun/moon does smth similar where you have nebby with lillie#but lillie still ends up handing nebby over to the player and i STILL feel bad because im like shit man you raised that little guy#and koraidon/miraidon feels less like a reward but more like overpowered motorcycle lizard that is just so oupydog. and i love him#and in spirit tracks i went out of my way doing some of the side quests bc zelda asked nicely and honestly that was enough for me#i think all of this boils down to.. i feel very protective abt things i care abt so stories that give me a reason to care hits harder#this can also go the other way bc i CRIED when i finished links awakening because i KNEW every person and im responsible for#literally the end of their world. like. there was a family with 5 kids. marin loved singing and cared about me. she was my FRIEND#i just. ugh. i have too many feelings rn. i kinda wanna draw more spirit tracks link and zelda i think that wld make me feel better#yapping#diary#loz#pokemon
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I just realized the most tragic thing - that I cannot gush about 31st October being Dziady / Forefathers' Eve because it's a Polish thing and none of my mutuals know what it is and no really good translation of the dramatic works exists to have them read it :(((
It's like a traditional Polish Halloween and nowadays it's mainly known from Adam Mickiewicz's (he's to Poland what Shakespeare is to England) 4-part drama centered around it. It follows a tortured poet (my blorbo, I love him) during the time Poland was partitioned and erased from the maps, its people oppressed but always fighting back. It is one of the most important and culturally significant Polish works ever created. And it's got, like so many themes, so many themes you guys. It's one of my favorite works ever one of my all-time dreams is to play Konrad, a protag from part 3.
So if anyone does know it or is interested in finding out more please please please message me or drop an ask I'd love to infodump!!!
#Come to the Forefather's Eve! We got:#DARK EVERYWHERE SILENT EVERYWHERE WHAT WILL HAPPEN? WHAT WILL HAPPEN???#hello i came to you to ask for Church's approval of our Christian-flavored spiritual seances and it's a national tradition so you gotta#today's youth has it too easy they cannot enter Heaven like that at least give them a yucky mustard seed#SHE HAS A FLOWERCROWN ON HER HEAD AND A GREEN WEED IN HER HAND AND BEFORE HER RUNS A LITTLE LAMB AND ABOVE HER FLIES A BUTTERFLY#*mama Imelda from Coco voice* a living boy in the land of the dead?!#romantic love evolving into (!!!) platonic love which is portrayed as better of the two (!!!) <3#Konrad <3 just. Konrad ily. the sad poet#can i call it the cell block tango? i'll call it the cell block tango#the og vampires!! everyone say thank you Slavs for giving you your favorite Halloween monsters!#milliyon TM#Mama Mary rescuing a feral blorbo by not letting him say the Ts word while blaspheming#Poland becoming the Jesus Christ of nations!!! (look it up it's true)#if i had a nickel for every villain struck down by lightning as God's punishment in Polish Romantic literature i'd have two nickels#why can't we find the cute boy i wasn't interested in before but now kinda am? cause you're using his DEAD NAME MARYNA!#so first part is Dziady 2 and the second part is Dziady 4 and the third part is Dziady 3 and as for Dziady 1 it was never finished so we#don't know where it falls chronologically and also there's the Pilgrim poem which is like a sequel to Part 3 and ther#and many many MANY more. it's so good you guys#dziady#adam mickiewicz#gustaw#konrad#wielka improwizacja#mała improwizacja#upiór#vampires#Polish literature#xix century Romanticism#forefathers' eve#🇵🇱
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very very tired of all the many many things :')
#hello friends. it's the semi-yearly check-in.#school is rough this year but I'm hanging in there#I feel tired basically all the time and feel like all the motivation I have is what I can manage to scrape out from under my fingernails.#but I'm also very glad to be back at school for many reasons#I am working through some weird emotions that I didn't entirely expect (missing graduates from last year far more than I had planned to)#(a few specific people especially which is... interesting. I would much rather ignore some of that than try to interact with it.#but I'm trying to handle it as healthily as I can.#and I got to see a bunch of them last weekend for a little while and that was lovely)#(I may hop on and give some more detail about this later but for now that's where it's at)#I've been struggling with what people think of me/how to measure up LOTS more this semester so far and I really hate how it makes me feel#so if y'all want to pray for that... would appreciate it :)#also my roommate is having some really concerning health things going on and we're trying our best to muscle through but it's getting rathe#heavy for both of us. prayers for her would be appreciated as well.#also funny thing has happened -- i'm in a reading group thing with the guy I mentioned briefly here last semester#(the one I looked at and was like “aw shoot he's really cute” but didn't really know at all at the time)#so I've been able to actually have some conversations with him which is funny to me looking back now for some reason#he's cool; I hope we get to be friends eventually. :)#personal#tag post
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why does it feel like the only people who actually understand Kai's personality end up being autistic people. Saw someone say he's cold and overly serious. I'm sorry?? are we talking about the same character?? The guy who forced Joe to call him Mr. Kebab?? The same dude whohad major beef with Alice over a fucking necklace??? Who chased Reko to tell her ghost stories?? Fuck in the manga he's such a little dweeb constantly.
Just because he's monotone and, I will die on this hill, has MANY autistic traits and or symptoms it doesn't mean he's this cool calm collected dude with his life together. This sounds like utter gibberish but all I wanted to do today was happily scroll through the Kai Satou tag and was slapped in the face with mischaracterization every now and again. To quote Nao he is simply silly and cute. And heavily burdened by the sins of his family as well as his own. But that's another story
#Kai Satou#your turn to shine#yttd#joe tazuna#nao egokoro#sara chidouin#reko yabusame#alice yabusame#yttd kai#I'm so normal about him (lie)#I have so many opinions and thoughts on his character#why do so many ppl fail to understand him he's like the guy ever#also yes i did see someone say kai had his life put together and just stared at it for a bit because HOW#motherfucker vehemently lived by serving other people he has no sense of self worth/value#and is terrified of letting himself get close to good people out of fear that he'll hurt them#and that SUCKS because that's EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED ☹️#i could go more in depth but i'm thinking so many thoughts abt the satou family#theyre so tragic
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#okay but reading this Belloc essay on Austen really made something click in my mind#and it’s because of something he said#which is that women care more about what men think of them generally#(as a general rule. not all the time. etc.)#and men care more about the opinion of the one woman they care about#like women do care (as a first instinct at least) what every man she meets thinks of her#but men are mostly indifferent. until they’re NOT.#which makes women more vulnerable to a greater number of people#but men are MORE painfully vulnerable to the woman whose opinion they care about#and I don’t actually know that that vulnerability only extends to a woman they are attracted to/feel romantic feelings for#I think if they just think well of you as a person you (a woman) have a lot of power over them#which is sooooo interesting and makes so much sense!!!! and is something I’ve sort of been dancing around with teaching#like. a lot of the boys I teach come to care about what I think about them#which doesn’t mean they all have a crush on me. though that step can be super easy and super small#hence the need for the boundaries of steel etc. but it does mean that they care what I think about them!#and I’ve always felt that instinctively and felt that I had to be so gentle with them because the power to crush them is mine if I so choose#don’t let me overstate it. it doesn’t happen all the time or anything close to it. but the thing about me being a teacher is that#they are forced to know me not just in a surface-level way. simply because I spend so much time with them#and talk to them a lot!#ANYWAY. enough about me but yeah this hit me so hard and of course exceptions exist#and/or endless variations on this exist because people are unique and surprising and also everything is changing all the time#etc. etc. but there is something to this I think! and you know what#it’s so interesting because that base-level instinct for women (allowing it to be a thing I mean) can be grown out of#I have trained myself out of/maturity has helped me leave behind that immediate female instinct#of being hurt at the idea that this random waiter (for example) is indifferent towards me. I’ve come to accept it#the instinct is still there!!! because imo women are always scanning and searching and sizing up. and also we are so open to being won over#if that makes sense? which is why insta comments complaining about how only good looking men get away with things like. PLEASE.#there are so many medium-ugly men who get married. it’s the average because the average woman is prettier than the average man#(this is not an insult) women CAN be and usually are so open to being surprised. won over. moved by the simple fact that a guy likes them#and men are not like that. but my point is: men don’t grow out of caring if they care. when they care they care sooooooo much. anyways yeah
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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