#I had just enough energy before sleep to mess up my sleep schedule first thing into the game

[kjzx]

Finally got my grabby hands on stardew valley and this might just be love at first sight

[ryomaandgundhamkin]

Okay. I have a lot to explain. First:

Listen- I am REALLY sorry for not drawing a lot. For the last month (by this point it’s probably been a month), I’ve been really, really behind on drawing and TSAMS lore. I don’t really feel that I’m apart of the fandom anymore. I just lost all my energy to actually dedicate myself to the lore of the show. I feel exhausted. Plus, school isn’t helping. For the last two weeks it’s been kind of hard for me, I mean aside from my trip, but then I had to catch up on work then do 1 project. I had two tests today.

Art block is hitting hard and I hope you understand. I just feel like I want to draw, I have a lot of ideas, I just can never get a result I actually like. It’s a process of drawing and deleting all my progress. I feel like it’s either 1., I make too much art, which in turn exhausts me further, or 2., I don’t make art at all. I’ve just been lurking around Tumblr and going around, like “oh I’m so going to draw this”, but I’m realizing that I definitely do not have enough energy to draw anything TSBS right now.

My main focus at the moment is school and school only. I hope you understand this because I had a shit ton of late work I had to do from the days I missed while I was away (7 fucking pages), and I had to zoom through that, THEN I had the science test. I had my math test today and I did well and now I’m tired af. I just don’t feel like drawing in general, period. Coloring maybe, but I just have too many things to do OUTSIDE of drawing online on here. Basically this is just me taking a small break. I’m sorry that content may be slower on my account, but I feel like I need this or else I will eventually just actually pass out from the stress. No one did nothing wrong aside from me. I’m just torturing myself. My brain hurts and my sleep schedule is damaged. Planning events is NOT fun and every weekend, I seriously just want a break, but OH someone’s coming over or we’re doing something or we’re going somewhere. I seriously cannot take a break unless I have NOTHING TO DO, which is kind of impossible considering my mother’s plans.

I just don’t feel like drawing. I feel like I’m starting to sleep more early everyday. My mind is a mess. It hurts. It hurts.

I’m just so sorry about this. I hope you guys understand I may not be in the best mental state (even if I act like I’m not, and same at with school, @kiwikay3 …), and I don’t feel like drawing for a bit. Just expect me to give you updates once in a while and maybe that’s it. Just don’t expect a ton of content or doodles from me.

This problem has nothing to do with you guys, I just want you to know this and know what to expect from me from now on. I’ll catch up with all my art requests and things like that eventually, I just feel like school has taken a toll on me. On my health. But, just myself overall. I don’t want anyone to worry. I’ll probably be active less and less so it’s fine if you unfollow me or something because I feel like I’ve already failed you all, and I’ve already reached the peak of my art journey (mid-October or so). I’m so sorry but I feel like when I write these I just get so emotional and I can’t really describe any of it in words. I’m probably going to sleep after this before I actually start crying. I’m actually so annoyed and sad and I just feel so many emotions. My brother is not helping, because HE does not care about his physical health so me and my parents do instead.

Sorry. Thank you all.

I feel like I’m going to have a mental breakdown fuck i hate this

[hiraeth-ink]

Busy Man (a Joel Miller fic)

Summary - pre-outbreak!Joel x reader - Joel has been so busy and overworked for a while and all you want is some good dick, something Joel is very willing to give.

Word Count - 2,941

Warnings - smut!! p in v, ass play, swearing, slight angst?

my first smut! I'm nervous

Joel was late. Again. So late dinner had already been eaten, a portion for Joel set aside. So late that Sarah had already gone to sleep, tired of waiting for his return from work. So late that you had abandoned your hope for the quality time he had promised you that morning. 

“I know we haven’t spent a lot of time together lately darlin’ it’s just, you know how work’s been,” he’d said this morning, full of promises of a dinner with you and Sarah, a movie and what you’d been constantly thinking about for days now; sex. Your busy schedules had never been a problem when it came to intimacy before but with Joel and Tommy’s big new project the last couple of weeks, Joel was reduced to an exhausted, low energy and grumpy version of himself. He came home, kicked off his work boots with a struggle and lazily shuffled to the shower before landing himself on the couch with a grunt. He would eat dinner quickly, a starved expression on his face, followed by a satisfied rub of his stomach and expressing his thanks for the meal. Not long after, he’d kiss you on the forehead, grumble a tired apology, “M’sorry baby but I gotta head to bed, m’exhausted and I’m out early tomorrow, I love you”. His heavy footsteps echoed on the stairs and he was already asleep by the time you had finished your night routine, light snores being carried through the open door of the bedroom. 

This routine was followed almost precisely for the last couple of weeks; work, eat and sleep. Joel worked hard at his business, long days of physical labour to appease his clients and support his family. You worked too, but your hours were not as long as Joel’s and nowhere near as physically demanding as his work either, so in support of him the least you could do was make sure a home cooked meal was ready for him when he arrived home after a long, gruelling day, a massage on the days he didn’t retire to bed almost immediately after eating. 

But your hunger has not subsided over the last week, your cravings have only grown and grown each day he hasn’t touched you, simmering inside of you, threatening to boil over when you see him walking through the front door. His tight, almost too tight, t-shirt displaying his biceps was enough to weaken your knees, but the sheen on his arms, the way the shirt was subtly sticking to his back and chest almost destroyed you. You felt feral upon seeing him again, almost embarrassed at your animalistic reaction to such a simple thing as Joel’s sweat, but the embarrassment was forgotten when he quickly pulled off his boots, straightened his back and wiped the sweat off his brow, showing off his strong arms once more. 

As he walked into the kitchen and towards you, he immediately started apologising, but you struggled to listen as the heat built up inside of you, your body’s reaction to him so strong that your mind was struggling to concentrate on what he was saying. 

“I’m sorry I’m late, baby. We got caught up at the site and then Tommy forgot to do the damn paperwork, it was a whole mess”, he exhaled as he reached to the top shelf of the cupboard for a glass. You were lost for words, a response appearing in your mind and disappearing just as quickly as he reached the top shelf, his shirt riding up and flashing a sliver of his soft tummy, even catching the top of the dark hairs that led to the exact thing you’d been craving. 

“Baby? You ok?” he asked with slight concern, but you only noted how deep his voice sounded, the low baritone going straight to your core as you imagined his voice in you ear while he rutted in and out of you, uttering the most filthy words you could imagine, things only Joel could get away with saying to you, as he played your body the way only he knew how to do, effortlessly coaxing multiple orgasms out of you. 

As you looked at him with your lips slightly parted, as if you were ready to finally break your silence, your mouth was dry but you didn’t bother getting a drink, not caring about water or anything else. You were thirsty for him, hungry for him. You felt feral again as you rushed to him, wrapping your hands around his thick neck and, lips searching for his, kissed him with all the want in your body. His hands wrapped around you, sliding down from your back to grab your bum, squeezing the soft flesh as he let out a groan. 

“I need you to fuck me Joel, missed you so much,” you breathed as you released his lips from yours, staring into his eyes, watching them switch from fatigue to hunger as he lifted you into his arms effortlessly, encouraging you to wrap your legs around his waist, kissing him again as he carried you up the stairs and into the bedroom. He grumbled something about, “I’ll eat later, been neglecting my baby recently”, to which you replied with a whimper, feeling his cock hardening through his pants against your soaking core. 

He threw you on the bed and wasted no time taking off your shorts and spreading your legs, keeping hold of your ankles. His presence was overbearing, the difference between the hurried kisses and short hugs you’d exchanged recently, and now being in such close proximity to him, his face so close to where you needed him most in this moment. You felt him everywhere, his intense gaze on you, switching from the patch of wetness on your underwear to your face, his warm breath on your clothed core, the strong grip he held your ankles in. 

“Please Joel”, you panted desperately, bucking your hips up in search of something, anything to relieve the ache between your thighs. 

His hands moved from your ankles to the backs of your thighs, his big, rough hands gently caressing your skin along the way and pushing your thighs towards your stomach, folding you into place. 

“You missed me baby? Missed me touching you?” he said before teasingly licking a stripe up your folds and circling your clit through your panties, all while looking into your eyes. You whimpered and couldn't help but attempt to roll your hips into his mouth, but his steady grip on your thighs held you still. 

“Please Joel, I need you so bad, been thinking about this all day, all week” you begged, looking into his eyes with a pleading look. You were hungry for him, desperate for him to do something, to feel his fingers or his cock or his tongue if he would just take off your-

“Fuck Joel oh my god”, he pulled your panties to the side, and sucked your clit into his mouth, suddenly frenzied and impatient as he licked and sucked at your clit, groaning at your taste. You couldn’t fight the whimpers and moans that climbed up your throat and escaped your mouth, you couldn’t control your sounds, Joel was forcing them out of you with every lick through your folds, every stroke of his tongue pushing you closer and closer to the edge. 

He pushed two fingers inside you, forcing more animalistic sounds of you, and curled them, reaching deep inside of you and coaxing your first orgasm of the night, of the week, out of you. You came with a loud cry of his name, your hips bucking up to meet his mouth, legs shaking and twitching uncontrollably as you came down, breathing heavily and crying out once more when he removed his fingers. 

“Fuck me Joel, I need you inside” you mumbled deliriously, your orgasm not having fully subsided yet, but the need for him to fuck you stronger than ever. The need to have him inside, close to you, was all you could think of. 

“I will baby, I will,” he said as he hurriedly removed his clothes, using your slick to wet his hard cock and stroking it once, twice, before lining up with your entrance. He looked at your face with dark eyes, “Been neglecting this little pussy haven’t I baby? You’re so fucking wet for me, came so quick too, been waiting for this huh?” he drawled, cockiness oozing from his words, but he wasn’t wrong. You were dripping, a wet spot surely growing on the sheets beneath you as you looked at his thick cock, the pink head almost angry looking and a small bead of pre cum dripping out, enough to make your mouth water with need, 

You were ready to beg for him again, but as soon as you started, you broke out into a broken moan, suddenly feeling full as he thrusted his cock all the way into you in one, smooth stroke. The stretch of him against your walls had your eyes rolling back, desperate whimpers being forced out of you again as he pulled all the way out and back into you with a groan. He set a slow but forceful pace, allowing you to feel every inch of him, hard and thick and overwhelming. His hands were gripping your thighs, pushing them back onto your stomach so you felt him impossibly deep, his tip lightly kissing your cervix, not enough to cause any pain but enough to make you release a whimper everytime it happened. 

“You sound so pretty darlin’, all for me,” he said as he circled your clit with one hand, his other moving up your body to your neck, lightly squeezing your nipple on the way, before wrapping his hand around your neck and giving it a gentle squeeze. 

He chuckled at the way you smiled when he choked you and in his low Texan drawl said, “Dirty little thing, tell me how much you love it, how much you missed it”. His length thrusting in and out of you, slowly but hard and deep, coupled with his fingers rubbing your clit in steady circles rendered you unable to form a coherent thought. All you could muster was unintelligible moans, causing him to break out into a cocky grin before demanding you to answer him. 

“When I tell you to do something, you better do it baby. Wouldn’t want me to stop would you?” he taunted, continuing to fuck you and rubbing your clit quicker than before.

“I love it Joel! Love it so much, missed it-Oh fuck. Can’t live without it Joel please don’t stop-Please,” you cried out quickly, your words all morphing together, worried he would stay true to his word and stop, robbing you of the relief you desperately needed. 

“That’s right baby, my good girl, come for me,” he cooed, aware of how hearing him call you his good girl affected you and you came almost instantly, whimpering his name over and over. His name ran through your mind quicker than you could follow, a continuous chant of Joel Joel Joel Joel, until you came down from your high, relaxing instantly. But Joel didn’t give you any time to relax or adjust as he rolled you on to your front, expertly manoeuvring your body so that you were on your knees, your cheek resting on a pillow, and thrusted into you again from behind. 

He’s relentless now, fucking into you hard and fast, no longer fighting the groans and grunts that leave his mouth as he loses himself in the way you feel around him.

“So fucking good peach, wet and warm,” he interrupts himself with a guttural groan as you clench around him at his words, “so fuckin’ tight, fuckin’ perfect baby”, the words topple from his mouth as he loses his restraint. Your endless whimpers only spur him on as he continues to push his hips into you. 

“Missed this pussy so much baby, never going this long without fuckin’ you again,” the words make you cry out in agreement. You want to speak, to tell him you can’t do it either, that you need this as much as possible but the words fail you. All you can do is take it, take whatever he’s willing to give you and be grateful for it. 

“You can’t even talk can you sweetheart? ‘M’I fuckin’ you so good you can’t think straight? My dumb little girl,” his words go straight to your core, squeezing around him as he continues to spit the filthy words from his mouth.

“Ohmygod Joel” you almost scream as you feel his thumb circling your tight, puckered hole, the sensation sending new waves of pleasure to your core, doubling as he pushes his thumb inside, both you and Joel letting out a groan as he does. 

“My good little slut, lettin’ me do whatever I want huh baby? Hm, bet you’d let me fuck your ass right now if I wanted to wouldn’t ya?” he says through gritted teeth, you know he’s close and so are you. Everything he’s doing has you hurtling towards another peak, his cock fucking you with urgency, his thumb inside your tight hole, his words, him moaning and groaning above you. You’re speeding up to the peak, unable to stop the moans tumbling from your mouth as his thrusts speed up and up until your mouth opens in a silent scream and you come. You come hard. Whole body shaking as he fucks you through it, you barely hear him calling you his good girl, your whole body burning with pleasure, lighting up in flames as your eyes squeeze shut, vision going black and you can do nothing but take it. As you start coming down you hear him again, coming with a groan of your name, stilling inside you and catching his breath. 

Your legs collapse on the bed as he moves away from you. You somewhat hear him saying something along the lines of, “gonna clean you up darlin’”. But when he comes back you don't feel a warm cloth cleaning you, instead you feel his big hands spreading your cheeks apart, groaning at the sight of his come trailing out of your puffy, used sex. Unexpectedly, he licks at your folds, and pushes his tongue inside your entrance, licking up his come, before pulling you up into him so that your back rests against his chest. He cradles your chin softly and turns your head, slotting his lips to yours and pushing his tongue inside your mouth, pushing his spend past your lips. You take it all, moaning at the taste of both of you mixed together. Joel continues to kiss you passionately, as if still trying to make up for lost time. He pulls away to catch his breath and carefully places you on your back. Reaching for the warm cloth, he wipes your folds and your inner thighs before tossing it in the washing basket in the corner of the room. 

“How you feelin’, sweetheart?” he asks as he climbs in bed next to you, pulling you into his warm embrace, tenderly kissing your forehead. He looks at you lovingly, but you can’t miss the guilt filled expression written across his face. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately. I promise after this project is done I’ll have more time for you an’ Sarah. Kills me that I’ve been neglecting you both,” he continued, his voice, usually strong and commanding, was now small and quiet, conveying his guilt and insecurity of his shortcomings when it came to you and his daughter. 

“Joel baby, you haven’t been neglecting us, you’ve been working. You work long and hard hours, you do it for us, so we can live a good life. We both understand baby. Sarah knows you love her more than anything Joel.” 

“And you?” he questions quietly, “Do you know how much I love you?,” his question melts your heart, his brown eyes staring into yours with so much love and appreciation forces you to smile up at him, tears threatening to spill from your eyes at his attempt to reassure you of his love for you. 

“Of course I do, Joel. And I love you too. So much,” you profess, heart constricting at finally having him close after feeling so far away from him. But you know it isn't his fault. 

“I love you and I appreciate all that you do, Joel,” you reassure him, trailing circles into his chest with your nails. He lifts your chin, slotting his lips to yours in a kiss but you’re interrupted by the loud growl of his stomach, a reminder that his dinner was forgotten downstairs. Abandoned in exchange for his hunger for you, your hunger for each other. You laugh as you pull away, telling him to eat and hurry back to bed so you can cuddle. 

“Will you come sit with me while I eat? We can watch that Western we’ve been dyin’ to watch,” he suggests with a sly grin, pulling on his sleep clothes, stomach still angrily rumbling as he throws you a fresh set of pyjamas. 

“We’ve been dyin’ to watch? Are you kidding me, Joel?” you bark out an incredulous laugh at his suggestion, though you know that you would watch whatever he wanted if it meant  you could cuddle up to Joel on the couch, his strong arms wrapped around you, head resting on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. Anything to be close to him.

[shinobusupremecy]

Shinobu with an s/o or friend that sleep talks

Modern au

Can be seen as romantic or platonic (friends). Idk how to write it as a mix of both so I just wrote together/friends. 

A/N: Hiiii! Been a while hasn’t it? Anyways I do apologize, I have no idea what more to say but I hope you have all been doing well <3

I will probably not be changing my ”hiatus” status because who knows?

Thank you anon for requesting this was so much fun to write!

I guess this will be a mix of oneshot and headcannon 

🦋- You and Shinobu have been together/friends for long, the only ironic thing is not once you had a sleepover. Mostly because you two have different schedule and hobbies so you really never got the time to. Except now

🦋- It was you two’s first sleepover and you were excited to say the least. You decided to sleep at her house

🦋- You guessed she felt more comfortable that way. Shinobu’s mom said Shinobu hasn’t been to a sleepover at someone else’s house often at all. Probably like 2 three times when she was in middle school. 

🦋- Anyways when night time came around you two watched a series before going to bed. 

“Alright, good night Shinobu!”

“Goodnight Y/N” She said and closed the lights. The room turned dark and you both fell asleep without problems. 

“The chicken can wear a dishwasher” Shinobu woke up to someone murmiring about something. She thought her mind was playing tricks on her so she ignored it and went to sleep. 

She’s sure she didn’t even get to sleep in 5 minutes before she heard you yell

“THE BUTTERFLIES DRIVE A BUS” She turned over and looked at you still sleeping. It was so dark so she didn’t know if you were awake or not, only that you were there. 

“Y/N, if you really think it’s funny to yell weird stuff at 3am then you got another thing coming” 

“Nooooooooooo” You replied.

“Yes, I mean it!” She said sternly, not having the energy for this shit at 3am. 

“Not my children. Anyone but my children. They just sprouted wiiiiingggsss” Now Shinobu was really creeped out. She quickly understood you were sleep talking. 

But then her smile turned devilsih and amused, what more can you say?

“My dog will alert the authorities....YOU SHALL BE DAMMNED”

She quickly grabbed her phone and started recording.

“And why should they be dammned?” Shinobu asked. 

“They taught my cat to play the tombone...”

“Ohh, is that so bad?”

“They made my roach deaf” Shinobu had to hold in her giggle, this was way too amusing not to mess around with.

”So uh, do you know sign language for your roach?”

”Noooo…the man in the corner does though” Shinobu’s smile faded and she quickly turned around only to see nothing there. She saw your cheeky smile and wondered if you really were asleep or not.

”Hm, cheeky bastard” Shinobu whispered before she continued on having conversation with your half-concioused self.

After 15 minutes she thought she had enough footatge and she went to sleep.

🦋- Next morning rolled around and she showed the footatge to you in the morning. Depending on if you were aware that you could sleep talk or not your reaction would be kinda different.

🦋- If you knew you just laughed it off and told Shinobu ”I forgot to tell you”

”Y/n. We have been friends for several years, how could you forget to tell me!?” Shinobu would say. She would still keep the footatge though, as blackmail material🥰

🦋- If you did NOT know then you would be in for quite the shocker

”I can sleeptalk?”

”Apperantly hahha! Didn’t you know?” Shinobu’s expression slightly frowned to confusion

”Nope”

Awkward silence ensues..slightly.

🦋- Shinobu would probably ask if you want to maybe get that treated some way and if you’re comfortable with her recording when you do sleep talk.

🦋- If you do wanna get help then obviosuly Shinobu tries to treat you. She looks up ways to treat it and what causes sleeptalking.

🦋- If you don’t however then Shinobu and her sisters will atleast know how to entertain themself when they can’t sleep or when you go asleep early. Shinobu just gathers her sisters to talk to you when you sleep talk, each taking their own turn to talk, one records and later show you the next morning.

Shinobu had been noticing you were laying still for many minutes. She schooched over and listened to your slow but ateady breathing.

”Pst! Hey, hey, are you awake?” No response from you. Shinobu smiled and sneaked away, knocking on each of her sisters rooms.

”Hm? Is Y/N asleep again?” Kanao asked, trailing behind Kanae.

”Mhm, they are. From what I know they should be start talking soon” Shinobu said as she sat down on her knees, Kanae and Kanao each took their own seat on the floor forming a circle almost of 3 people and well, you in the middle of it.

They sat their in silence for a little but before you began to murmur something and Shinobu smiled knowing she was right.

”Noo…noo…don’t go in there, the tuna is dancing” Shinobu nudged Kanao to say something while Kanae just quietly snickered.

”U-uhmm…what dance did the tuna-? Ahem, tuna dance”

”Chicken dance. I think. I can’t seee….” Your worlds trailed off. Kanae thought about what she was gonna say, she scooted closer to say it when she finally got something.

”Is the dance good?”

”Mmmm maybeeeee, I don’t- wanna be meaan” Kanae had to cover her mouth with her hand to prevent herself from laughing.

”It’s amazing how we can have a conversation with them asleep like this” Kanao commented which Kanae agreed to and nodded.

”Well this will certainly not be the end of it” Shinobu said, pulling out her phone.

🦋- We can all just say that the butterfly sisters will be having you over for more sleepovers <3

[familyvideostevie]

🐚 SEASHELL- "If you hold me without hurting me, you'll be the first who ever did" and "You really are my living legend" with Bradley Bradshaw<3

your wish is my command! i went a little interpretive here and took the idea of being the first person to do something, to be the change in someone's life that they didn't know they needed. so here's you greeting bradley when he returns from a trip! <3

--

The airport isn't very busy. You're one of maybe five people poised at the bottom of the arrivals escalators. Everyone looks tired but excited -- it is 6am, after all. You expect Bradley to be tired, too, so you've got a coffee in hand so he can stay awake and not mess up his sleep schedule too much. Red eyes are brutal.

This is the first time you're meeting him at the airport. He hasn't been on any missions since you started dating a few months ago, hasn't been anywhere, really. But he was at a conference on the other side of the country all week and you're happy to have him back.

He actually sounded a little shocked when you'd offered to pick him up.

"Are you sure?" he said. "It's going to super early. Like, you're going to see the sunrise on your drive early."

You'd laughed. "That's okay," you assured him. "I want to. Means I get to see you sooner!"

"Okay," he conceded. "But if you change your mind it's okay. I can get a taxi."

You'd shut that down swiftly. On your drive to the airport this morning you thought about his hesitancy -- it would make sense that he didn't have anyone to greet him when he came home, usually. Even from deployment -- you're his first steady relationship in a while, if Hangman is to be believed, and he and Mav only patched things up after the last big mission. Maybe he's just not used to a smiling face and a hug all to himself.

Someone yells nearby and you snap out of your thoughts to see a little girl run right into the arms of a woman who hauls her into the air, suitcase forgotten on the floor next to her. You smile and clutch the insulated cup you'd had them fill so the coffee didn't cool as you waited. The escalator carries a steady stream of people at various stages of exhaustion. You know Bradley got upgraded to a nicer seat -- he'd texted you last night before takeoff -- so he should have gotten off the plane pretty fast.

Dude in a suit, family, another dude in a suit, pilot, woman with her eye mask on her forehead --

There he is. He's in a faded UVA sweatshirt and California hat, his duffle slung over his shoulder. You feel like you could run a marathon, energy running through your entire body so much so that you bounce up and down a little as you raise your free hand and wave.

"Bradley!" you say, loudly. He locks eyes with you immedietly and grins, shaking his head like he can hardly believe it. Once he reaches the bottom of the escalator he swipes of his hat with one hand and gets to you in a few hurried steps. He wraps one arm around your waist and pulls you to him, lifting you into the air just a few inches as he shoves his face into your neck.

"Watch the coffee!" you chide, trying to keep the cup in your hand steady. He laughs against your skin, mustache tickling a little before setting you down and pulling away.

"Hi," he says, running a hand through his hair but keeping his hat off. "You came."

"Of course I came," you say, reaching for his face. You rub your thumb under his eye and down his jaw to trace your favorite scar. His eyes flutter. "With gifts. Well, a gift." You hold up the cup which he gingerly takes from you.

"Girlfriend of the year," he says. "Of the century, actually."

"It's just coffee," you say, shy all of a sudden. Sure, you've been together for a long enough time to have put a label on it, long enough that you know his mind and his body fairly well. But picking him up from the airport like this is domestic on a new level.

He shakes his head. "No, it's not," he says softly. He looks at you and those deep, emotional eyes of his say quite a few things he isn't.

"I'm just glad you're home," you tell him. He smiles again and tucks his hat under one arm so he can cup your cheek with his free hand.

He leans in and brushes your nose with his. "Me too, sweetheart," he says. "Thanks for coming to get me."

You surge forward to kiss him a little too deeply for the arrivals area.

join the celebration!

[heartfullofleeches]

I can’t stop imaging when nightlight was abandoned what if when they were told not to follow they just stayed in that same spot waiting to be told they can come back home. Just sitting there on energy saving mode aka sleeping, covered in webs, dirt and rain socked clothes waiting for monty :(

Scheduled system reboot will begin in.. five hours.

What's going on?

You were on manual rest in Monty's bed after they had fallen asleep, rattled from slumber by someone messing with your controls. As the hatch in your chest clicks shut you look up to see their mother and father standing over you. The latter looks remorseful, the former - not so much.

"Nightlight, you are to stay here until we leave at dawn. Monty will be going through some... changes once we return home, and they can't have any distractions."

What? No! Monty doesn't like to take the ride back down alone. They're afraid of the roads without railings. And what about their night terrors? You need to be with them incase they get scared. They need you. You'll miss that kiss they give you whenever they wake up. You need them.

Your chest light turns blue. "I.... want to stay with Monty."

A scoff.

"Are you disobeying my command? Nightlight, you are ordered to-"

"That's isn't my name!" Hot, red light flickers across your luminous skin, bleeding into a weak purple hue as it reaches your heart. "I'm Y/n... I'm their nightlight, but I'm still their friend.."

"You are a toy. They will forget about you when they make real friends. Start a real family. This attachment to wires and plastic is unhealthy. If I had better sense I would take the axe back at the lodge and spilt your head in two."

"Honey... That's enough. They won't remember this in a few hours. Let them go in peace."

Your head falls as footsteps disperse into the white snowfall. You try to move, try to scream, but anytime your voice peaks over a certain volume it fizzles out. Your reboot is in five hours. Five hours....

You think about the first time you met Monty. They were shy, distant. Things your family warned you about. It only took two nights for you to become friends.

4....

You think back to the first time you slept in bed with them. Before, you simply slumped down in your chair or returned to the closet. They didn't like that, and wouldn't go to bed until you slept with them. You were so big you broke the frame. They couldn't stop laughing.

3.

You remember their first day of school. Monty didn't go to a public school until highschool unlike most kids. Their parents said they were special. Monty and you hid away in the room behind their bookshelf because they were so anxious. They didn't want anyone, but you.

2...

Monty is awake now. They're screaming your name. You remember the first time they said I love you.

1.

You're scared. You don't want to die....

System Reboot begins in 0..

[hotcryptidsinyourarea]

Falling for the Frogman of Loveland, Ohio

story synopsis: Molly is a 30-something cookbook editor who has decided to move from New York to Loveland, Ohio after a bad breakup and a desire for a fresh start. She is instantly attracted to her neighbor Jeremiah's midwestern charms, but this local guy is much more than meets the eye...

human (she/her) + interdimensional humanoid frogman (he/him)

cw: social anxiety, negative self-talk, hetero heavy petting, terror, loss of consciousness

Chapter 4

I sleep in a bit late the next morning. The exhaustion from moving is catching up with me, but with the storage pod on the way, I need to start the day restored. And fueled. I’m thinking cheesy motherfuckin’ eggs and potatoes. And since I need to stay in the house in case the storage pod shows up, I’ll be making my own coffee this morning. So the first thing I do is grab the silver canister of pre-ground beans and set the moka pot up on the stove. Then I preheat the oven, set up my cast iron skillet on a burner, and start chopping the potatoes.

I have just popped the skillet with the sauteed potatoes, eggs, and cheese into the oven to bake when I get an alert on my phone letting me know the pod should be in my driveway in the next hour or so. While I appreciate the expediency, I still feel pretty low on energy and I am not looking forward to unloading the rest of my earthly belongings by myself. My only hope is that the holy trinity of carbs, protein, and fat in my breakfast give me the fuel to push through. And perhaps more coffee. I start the moka pot again before I even finish my first cup. 

The delivery and unloading of the pod itself is easy enough. I sign for it and confirm the scheduled time for its pickup. Once he’s gone, I unlock the padlock and pull up on the door to open it. Well, I try to. The space between the bottom of the door and the ground only grows by a few inches before it’s stuck. I bend at the knees to get my body weight as under it as possible and push up, but it doesn’t budge. 

Fuck. 

I struggle with it some more, but the thing must be off its track or bent because I cannot get the pod open. Maybe I should’ve asked the delivery guy to stay until I had it open in case of something like this. I didn’t even think about it. I keep trying to get it to budge, shaking it as hard as I can in hopes of bumping something back into its place, but my efforts are in vain. I am breaking out in a sweat and getting winded from the exertion. Worse of all, I’m beginning to feel frustrated, angry, and dangerously on the verge of tears. 

“Need any help with that?” a familiar voice says. Jeremiah looks even better today than he did yesterday, if that’s even possible. He’s wearing black sweatpants, a black tank top, and what looks like a very well-loved pair of black sneakers. It’s so unfair how little effort hot guys need in order to look good. I bet he uses 3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner/body wash and still looks this good. Meanwhile, I’m a sweaty and flustered mess who can’t open a storage pod. Time to play into the damsel-in-distress archetype, I guess. 

“It couldn’t hurt if you tried,” I say. “I’ve been failing for a while now.” 

“Let me see what I can do,” he says. Jeremiah crouches down on the ground and kind of shakes the door from the bottom. After getting a feel for the amount of stuck the door is, he gets in a squat position all the way to the ground. He looks over his shoulder and winks at me. 

“You’re going to want to stand clear.” 

Jeremiah takes a deep breath and then in a swift, powerful motion uses all of his considerable lower body strength to spring his entire body weight up and into the door. It slides up into the open position like it was never stuck in the first place. I’m embarrassed, honestly, and make a mental note to sign up for a gym as soon as possible. I had no idea I was so weak. Or maybe Jeremiah is just freakishly strong…?

No. I’m definitely the problem here. 

“Thank you so much. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do if I couldn’t get it up. I MEAN– OPEN!” I correct myself on the unintended innuendo but feel a hot flush crawl across my skin. “I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t get it open. Sorry. I mean, thank you. Again.” 

Jeremiah has a shit eating grin on his face, clearly enjoying watching me squirm. “Don’t worry about it. Getting it up comes pretty easily for me.” 

I want to melt into the pavement. A pink blush spreads across my face. “Well you certainly made it look easy. Thank you, again.” I make a move into the pod and pick up the first liftable box to take it inside. There’s a dolly in here somewhere, but I’m frazzled to the point of needing the simplest task to accomplish at the moment. But my accomplishment is cut short before it’s made as Jeremiah takes the box out of my arms. 

“Let me help you with that.” 

“Oh, no. I mean, thank you, but this is my junk and I should unload it. I can unload it. I have a dolly in here somewhere for the heavier boxes.” 

“I’m certain you can unload them all on your own. But you don’t have to because I am here to help.” Jeremiah turns and heads inside the house with the box in hands. It’s hard to argue with that. 

With Jeremiah’s assistance, I get the pod unloaded in a third of the time. Not only is the man crazy strong, but he apparently also has super stamina that enables him to haul boxes twice as fast as it takes me to load them on a dolly and roll them inside. I’d feel bad about working him so hard if he didn’t seem so happy to do it. 

“Thank you– again– so much for your help,” I tell him after slamming the door to the empty pod shut. “You made my day so much easier. The least I can do is offer you a beer. I picked up a six pack of some local stuff that’s waiting in my fridge. Would you like one?” 

“Absolutely. I’d love a beer.” 

We head inside the kitchen and I grab a couple cans of beer from the refrigerator. I hand Jeremiah his. “The can design caught my eye, but the name is what sold me. ‘Beer for Humans.’ By Rhinegeist. Local stuff, love that.” 

“Haha,” his laugh is short and seems artificial. “Well, it’s certainly for me, then. What with my being human.” He opens his can and takes a long drink. I do the same, but from the corner of my eye I take in the long lines of his neck as he swallows. I want to lick it. I hope he doesn’t notice me staring. 

“Honestly, I owe you a lot more than a beer,” I tell him. “Can I buy you lunch? Or if you have someplace to be, maybe dinner at another time?” 

He gives me a half grin and runs his fingers through his hair and down to the nape of his neck where he rubs it sheepishly.  “Oh… I don’t know. I don’t think I can let you pay for our first meal together.” 

What the fuck does THAT mean? Oh, girl, you know what that means.  No I don’t. He could be an asshole with masculinity so fragile he can’t accept a woman being able to pay for a meal.  Does he really seem like that? You know he doesn’t. And even if he is kind of old fashioned, there is still the implication that he wants a date. That’s what he’s trying for.  I don’t know that! GIRL WHERE IS YOUR SELF-ESTEEM? DID YOU LOSE IT? DID IT GET MISPLACED DURING THE MOVE? 

Wait��� how long have I been silent? Must say something. 

“Jeremiah, are you hitting on me?” The words fly out of my mouth. 

Well. That’s certainly something. 

Jeremiah’s face blooms red and his eyes go wide. He’s embarrassed. It’s cute. 

“I was going for ‘flirting’ more than ‘hitting on.’ Moreso cute and endearing than aggressive. Fuck, did I mess it up?”

No, but I might have. 

“I’m so sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean to imply anything. You are being very kind. But I’ve been experiencing a bit of a culture shock here and I’m not confident in my interpretation skills.” 

“You’re telling me that men in New York don’t offer to buy dinner for lovely women such as yourself?” 

“Um…” I stall. “I mean, some men do. I’m sure. But I don’t think I’m the kind of woman those guys are looking for. They’re more interested in women who are looking to be taken care of.” 

“And you don’t need to be taken care of?” 

I’m suddenly feeling very exposed. “Yeah, I don’t know. I guess… not really. I’ve always had my shit together. There’s not much a guy can do for me that I can’t adequately do for myself.” 

“So what exactly do you get out of being with one?” 

“Oh, I don’t know. Companionship, I suppose. Someone to go with me to work functions and birthday parties. Maybe run errands together.”

“That’s it?” 

“I mean, I’m not asking anyone to do more than that.” 

“You shouldn’t have to ask. They should want to take care of you. Did you take care of them?” 

“Sure, guys always need a little help softening the rough edges in their lives. But I don’t mind being there for someone I care about. I never did anything I didn’t want to do” 

“So let me get this straight,” he says. “These guys– these boyfriends of your past– got to have a beautiful woman on their arm who put in the effort to make their lives easier and more comfortable just because you cared and in return they were just… there? That is a one-sided deal.” 

“Well, when you put it that way, I sound pretty stupid.” 

“No,” he says, dropping his tone to emphasize that he’s being serious. “You are not stupid for being giving and loving. They are stupid for not treating you with the same care and love. And they’re stupid for letting you get away.” Now it’s my turn to blush. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. “But, personally,” he continues, “I’m glad they were so stupid. Maybe if they were smarter, you wouldn’t have ended up here. In Loveland. Having a beer with me.” 

I do not know what to do with a man being so forthright and vulnerable. After so long in the city, I think I might be jaded to the possibilities of the world. You get stuck in a microcosm and forget that there’s so much more out there than the minutiae of that which is familiar. But Jeremiah’s openness feels so different than the emotionally guarded people I’m used to, it’s almost inhuman. Or maybe he’s actually the most human and all of us cynical assholes are the ones missing something essential. 

“So tell me, Molly,” he continues, unfazed. “What’s a guy like me gotta do to get a chance to take care of you?” 

I am– as is the parlance of our times– gagged. I must look like a fish with my mouth hung open wide. Or maybe not a fish, considering the way Jeremiah looks at my open mouth and ever-so-slightly bites his lip at the sight. 

“I’ll make you a deal,” he goes on. “Let me take you to dinner and I’ll help you learn how to be taken care of.” 

I bark out a quick laugh. “Who’s entering into one-sided deals, now?” 

“You giving me a chance is not one-sided. I promise you. Let me take you to dinner.” 

“Okay. It’s a deal. A date. It’s a deal and a date. I’d love to get dinner with you.” 

Jeremiah’s smile beams. “Great! Let’s say I pick you up at seven. Does that work?” 

“I’ll be here ready for you,” I answer, but I have to avert my gaze away from him. When I’m feeling shy, eye contact can be difficult. 

“Awesome,” he puts a finger under my chin and gently touches it, prompting me to look him in the eye again. It’s encouraging, not antagonistic. “Don’t worry about dressing up. The place we’re going to is casual, so wear what’s comfortable.” 

Damn. I didn’t even have to ask about the dress code. I think this is the first time a guy has ever thought about that little aspect of going out before I had the chance. Is Jeremiah for real? 

Well, his touch on my chin feels real And the shoulder muscles that his tank top is gracing look real. And all those boxes from storage are really in my house right now. All in all, things are seemingly real enough. Let’s see if he really shows up this evening. 

____________________________________________________________________________

“He’s hiding something.” My friend Haoyu, who is back in New York, is talking to me on speakerphone while I get ready for dinner. Back in the city, he has a few hours before he’ll even venture out the door for his nighttime diversions. Meanwhile, I’m leaning over the bathroom vanity smudging kohl around my eyes. “No guy is that perfect without a catch,” he says. 

“I don’t disagree, in principle,” I say with my mouth stretched open because that, for some reason, makes it easier to do my eyeliner. “But I haven’t witnessed any glaring red flags just yet, so it’s unfair to assume he’s outright deceptive.” 

“I bet he’s a Republican. Wait, no– a LIBERTARIAN. Oh no, I’ve got it: HE. LISTENS. TO. JOE. ROGAN.” 

I shudder. These things could very well be true. I am in Ohio. These midwestern men have that reputation. 

“I’m sure whatever’s wrong with him will come out during dinner. Then at the end of the night, I can thank him for his warm welcome and moving help, then go home by myself. No harm, no foul.” 

“Yeah, until he murders you and buries your bodies in the middle of kicker-shit Ohio because you bruised his fragile male ego by rejecting him.”

“HAOYU! Don’t put that kind of curse on me. Take that back!” 

“What? That’s what happens in places like that. They try to act like it’s some innocent idyllic heartland, but in actuality it’s a façade covering up a dark, seedy, sinister underbelly.”

“This from the guy who went to five different dungeon parties in the Hamptons last summer.”

“Shut up, you bitch. I can’t believe you left me to move to fucking Ohio. This city isn’t the same without you.”

“The city is exactly the same without me. The clubs you eventually make it to tonight will still be loud and the guys there will still be horny for your cute ass. And I will be having a quiet night in, just like I would when I was there. Only now I’m here.” 

“In stank ass Ohio.” 

“Yes, Hao, in Ohio. Where you are more than welcome to visit me anytime you wish.”

“Bitch, what the FUCK am I going to do in Ohio?” 

“Watch shitty reality television with me and drink wine til we pass out?” 

Haoyu sighs, “That does have its appeal. But I still miss you here and now.” 

“Darling,” I say, “I miss you even when we’re right next to each other.”

“Oh I love you, Molly. Never change.”

“Literally never.” 

“You know, you can’t keep me from worrying about you.  I mean, if you’re murdered by some buckeye boytoy, who do I have left? Troian? They don’t know a Kelly from a Birkin.” 

“You don’t have a Kelly or a Birkin.” 

“You know what? I hope the motherfucker does kill you now.” 

“You just said you love me!”

“More than life, bitch. Share your location with me before you go out with this stranger?”

“That I can do for you. And if you get a call from the cops tomorrow: he says his name is Jeremiah and he lives on my street.” 

“A strong lead for any missing person’s case.”

“I live for the convenience of others.”

“Girl, I can’t with you. BYYYYEEE!” and the line is cut. That’s my best friend! Wouldn’t be here without him. 

I finish my makeup and go ahead and do the Share My Location thing with Haoyu before I forget. Jeremiah said to dress casual, but I realize that “casual” might mean something different in Ohio versus Manhattan. I end up choosing a black maxi dress– one of those special items of clothing that can look just as appropriate at a burger joint as it is in a steakhouse. Hopefully wherever we’re going tonight doesn’t fall outside of that spectrum in either way. 

I’m still a bit dizzy by the way my day is unfolding. I woke up this morning assuming I would spend it sweating my ass off unloading boxes then finishing it with a dinner of one of those skillet pasta-for-two meals for one (me.) 

But now, I am preening in the mirror to get ready for a date with a hot guy who may or may not murder me. And here I was worried that life outside of New York would be boring. I don’t remember the last time a guy simply offered to buy me dinner because he wanted a chance with me. When Mark and I first started dating, we’d meet at the bar and split tabs. 

Jeremiah rings the doorbell at 7:02. On time, but not overly eager. He’s good. 

I open the door and there he is, looking great in fitted brown chinos, a white t-shirt, and an unbuttoned plaid flannel with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He puts his hand over the left side of his chest, pretending to clutch at his heart. 

“Molly, wow. You look beautiful,” he smiles warmly. “Are you hungry?” 

“I am! Nothing like unpacking every item you own to build up an appetite.” 

“Perfect. This place is about 20 minutes away, but I can get us there in 15 if the wind’s good.” 

He has such a sweet sense of humor. Being around him puts a genuine smile on my face. Damn. I am not looking forward to finding out what is wrong with this guy. 

Jeremiah offers me his arm and walks me to his hybrid SUV. The fact that he’s driving a hybrid does not go unnoticed– probably not a red hat kind of guy with a fuel efficient vehicle, right? I have no idea if I’m really honest with myself. Some people in this world are so far from my social orbit, they might as well be aliens.

Jeremiah opens the car door for me. He is really committed to this gentleman bit. As I settle into the passenger seat, he climbs into his side and starts the car. I brace myself for Dude Talk radio or top 40 hits, but instead the familiar sounds of The Clash flow from the speakers. 

Okay, Molly, maybe cool it on assuming the worst for a bit. He’s effortlessly proving you wrong at every turn, so it’s wasted energy. 

After a short drive, we pull up to the restaurant. It’s an unassuming little Korean barbeque joint nestled in a shopping center with an Asian market and what looks to be a Tai Chi spa. 

“Do you like Korean?” Jeremiah asks me. 

“Absolutely! Do you?” 

Jeremiah feigns offense. “What? You think because I’m some provincial schmuck from Ohio, I don’t know the finer points of international cuisine?” 

I laugh. “I know you’re not some provincial schmuck because no provincial schmuck would ever say ‘provincial schmuck.’”

“Fair enough! Either way, this place is amazing. Even the reddest of necks can enjoy it.” 

“Well, by all means lead the way.” 

____________________________________________________________________________

Jeremiah was right about the restaurant. Dinner was spectacular. We got tteokbokki and pajeon to start and then split grilled short ribs and buttered scallops at the table. We drank beer and soju and spent the entire evening laughing. Jeremiah has plenty of stories to tell about the rag tag band of misfits he calls friends. 

“Most of them live in Cincinnati, so I will drive in to hang out,” he tells me. “But every once and a while they’ll come out to the ‘burbs to see me. Especially if I bribe them with BBQ.” 

“You have to bribe them?” 

“I know, I know. But don’t get them wrong–they’re great people. They just hate driving anywhere more than a five mile radius from their places. I don’t take offense to it. You get into your 30s and you really start to enjoy the beauty of staying the fuck in. They’re always trying to talk me into moving closer to the city– then I wouldn’t have to bribe them with smoked meats to hang out. But I don’t want to move. I like the neighborhood. And as of late, neighbor, it’s gotten even better.” He gives me the subtlest wink and takes a swig of beer. 

Damn. He is good. 

After Jeremiah pays the bill to the joyous woman working the register at the back of the restaurant, we head back home. I am thoroughly impressed at this point. I don’t think I’ve had this much fun on a good old fashioned date since I was a teenager. If Jeremiah is secretly a murderer fattening me up for the slaughter, then I might as well moo. With a full stomach and the warm haze of soju relaxing me, I’m less inclined to pick him apart looking for whatever’s wrong with him. In fact, I’m feeling more inclined to take care of him once we get back to my place after an evening of him taking care of me. 

We pull up to my place, but he doesn’t cut his engine off before he hops out to open my door for me. We walk to my front porch and I turn to him. 

“Thank you for dinner. I had a really great time.” I look up at him from behind heavy, hooded eyes. I hope they look seductive and not just sleepy. I silently will him to close the distance between us and kiss me. 

I guess someone, somewhere hears my prayers because Jeremiah weaves his fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck and gently pulls me towards him as he bends into me. His kiss is fucking amazing. He’s commanding without being overly controlling, letting me ease into him while providing a sturdy base to hold us. He’s enthusiastic, but not aggressive. I feel flames through my body and I begin aching with need in a way long forgotten by me. 

“Would you like to come in?” I ask. My voice is hushed and breathy to the point I almost don’t recognize it as my own. 

Jeremiah lets out a frustrated groan. “Fuuuuck, Molly. I do. I really do. But I can’t. Not tonight.” 

“Oh. Okay. That’s fine,” I lie. “I just thought…” He stops me with another kiss. 

“No, Molly,” he punctuates each point with a new kiss, a new spot each time. “You have… no idea… how bad… I want to…” Jeremiah lingers, kissing my mouth on that one. I feel his left hand tracing the curves of my body, memorizing them by touch. His lips travel to the crook of my neck and I lean into the door to give him better access. 

“Not tonight,” he says. “I want to, but I can’t tonight. Don’t count me out, though,” he looks me in the eyes. “I want you, Molly. But I have to do this right.” 

I nod my head in understanding, even if my head and my body are in complete disagreement here. 

“Yeah, I understand. It’s okay. Really. We have nothing but time, right?” 

He takes my face in his hands and kisses me long and deep. When he breaks it off and stares me in the eye, I see a quiet anguish in them, like he’s struggling with his own internal battle between his better sense and the possibilities of what may lie on the other side of my front door. He kisses me again, firm but perfunctory, and groans against my mouth. I wonder what kind of groans I could elicit from him with my mouth around his cock, relaxing gradually until he breaches the back of my throat and I slide the complete length of him inside me. Fuck, I want to do that to him so bad. 

“Tonight when you get in your bed and under your sheets, know that I’ll be in mine thinking of you, Molly. I’ll be thinking about this,” his hands smooth over and down my body, “every second until I fall asleep. And then some more in my dreams.” He turns to leave and takes a step before doing a heel turn to face me again, pinning me against the door again for another blistering kiss. This time, he gently grabs my wrist and guides it to his leg, prompting me to run my fingers over the rock hard length of him pressing against his chinos. 

Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Even under the clothes I can tell it’s an amazing cock. I want it. If not tonight, then fucking soon. I’m grateful that he took the initiative to show he wants me too. I’d probably go crazy wondering if he didn’t. 

“And if you find yourself tonight thinking about me,” Jeremiah whispers in my ear, “don’t be afraid to let me know.” He gently nips at my earlobe with his incisors and plants a final kiss on my forehead before he does an awkward little jog back to his car. He hops in and waves goodbye before he pulls out of my driveway and back into the night. I head inside and lock the front door behind me, booking it straight to my bedroom. I have to relieve the ridiculous excess of tension this man has wound up inside me. 

____________________________________________________________________________

Between the soju and the intense orgasm I gave myself thinking about all the things I want to do to Jeremiah, I am pretty relaxed. But the need he’s riled within simply refuses to be sated. All this dude had to do is act like a gentleman to me and it’s made me hornier than I’ve been in years. It makes you wonder why more men don’t try this. Do guys know what a powerful aphrodisiac respect is? Are they cognizant of all the dirty, decidedly unladylike things we want to do after being treated like a lady in the first place? They probably don’t care. 

I’m in the middle of one such unladylike dream– something along the lines of Jeremiah bending me over a counter and fucking me from behind so hard I can feel it in my throat– when a loud crash completely wakes me up. Once I get my bearings, I look to the window where bright flashes pierce the dark of night. I hear the wind rustle violently and the sharp thuds of heavy raindrops pelt the roof above me. Damn. Storms out here hit differently than they do in the city. There’s a violence to them. 

I pry myself from bed and go to the kitchen to get a drink. It’s not unusual for me to wake up with a dry mouth after having Korean barbeque. Something about soy sauce and soju leaves me dehydrated as hell. I make myself a glass of ice water and lean against the kitchen counter while listening to the rain outside grow heavier and wilder. I open my laptop to look at the forecasts and do a quick search for “tornadoes southern Ohio.” From what I can deduce, I’m relatively safe for the night, if only disrupted by the cacophony of the storm. 

Then as if time with a particularly strong gust, my power goes out. My laptop still lights up but my internet is out. The lights on my appliances go dark and the hall light I turned on between my bedroom and the kitchen is off. I’m still in the middle of unpacking some of my things. I wouldn’t know the first place to look for my flashlight even if I had light to look for it with. I feel my way back to my bedroom and blindly grab at my mattress until I find my phone laying on it. I was an idiot and didn’t plug it in before I fell asleep and now it’s down to 31% power. Great. I plug it in to my bedside charger and hope the power will be back on before I wake up. 

____________________________________________________________________________

It’s 7 am when I awake and the rain is relentless. It’s dreary, dark, and gray outside. The power still seems to be out. My phone is drained to 24%. Good morning to me. 

I use the restroom and brush my teeth in the dark. There’s just enough morning light that I’m not bumping into things, but considering this place is still pretty new to me, I won’t beat myself up for having to run my hands across the walls to navigate my way into the kitchen. I fumble around in the drawers until I find the heavy duty pair of scissors I use to open boxes. I might as well start unpacking what I can in hopes that I stumble upon my flashlight or maybe even some candles. 

After about five or six boxes, I begin to wonder if I ever owned a flashlight in the first place because I am simply not finding one. I’m pretty certain I spent money on a heavy duty one back  in the city, but maybe I left it there in my old apartment. Maybe Mark took it with him when he left me. Or perhaps I put it in a box that was sucked into another dimension. It has to be one of those options– definitely no room for anything else. 

Okay, I’m obviously going crazy here. 

All search and no find makes Molly a daffy bitch. 

Maybe it’s time to ask for some help. Didn’t Jeremiah say I could come to him if I needed anything? If he didn’t say it, it definitely seems like something he would say. I bet he has flashlights abound. He may even know how to get my power back on. Or he may have power at his house and will let me hang out until mine comes back on. 

God, how ridiculously sad would it be for me to show up at his door sopping wet and helpless in the face of my first midwestern storm? Pretty sad. Or possibly… hot? He does seem like the type of guy who loves to play White Knight. Would it be so bad for me to lean into the Damsel-in-Distress role? 

Only one way to find out. 

I change into an oversized hoodie and sweatpants that may not keep me dry, but are better than any other clothing options I have on hand. I pocket my phone and keys. There’s an umbrella in my car, so I make sure to grab it before I brave the rain. 

I open the door and it’s not letting up one bit. I step into the open air and the rhythm of the drops on my umbrella is deafening. I stick to the sidewalk and head in the direction I saw Jeremiah drive off towards the night before. I see his SUV in the driveway that looks a lot like my house but flipped on the vertical axis, just like he said it was. As I scurry to his front porch, It is obvious there isn’t any light on inside. It looks like nobody is home. That makes sense. It’s the middle of the day, he could be out running errands or seeing friends. Most people have lives that a little rain can’t keep them from living. I ring the doorbell anyways, just in case. But, alas, there is no answer. 

My plan firmly defeated, I start to head back home. But then a SMACK noise nearby catches my attention. Jeremiah’s fence has blown open, leaving his backyard exposed. I decide to be a good neighbor and close it– surely the gate being open, door banging against the posts behind it and flapping in the wind could damage something. I’m new to this homeowners thing, but it seems to me that one would prefer the gate to be closed in such an instance. I pull the handle of the door as it scrapes mud from the ground beneath it. But before I close it completely, something in Jeremiah’s backyard catches my eye. Or rather, someone. 

My heart drops as my brain registers what I’m seeing. That’s a body laying prostrate in the middle of Jeremiah’s yard. At first glance, it looks like they could be unconscious. 

Oh god. It’s Jeremiah. 

He could be dead. He could have fallen out here and hit his head. Lightning could have struck him. 

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

I sprint as fast as I can towards Jeremiah’s still form. A million alarms are going off in my head. At some point, I dropped the umbrella and I can feel the rain soak through my clothes. 

Please don’t be dead. 

Please don’t be dead. 

Please don’t be dead. 

I reach him and it dawns on me: Jeremiah is naked. Also– this man doesn’t quite look like Jeremiah because this man is… blue? Or green. Definitely a blue-green. And his skin is mottled, like it’s covered in goosebumps a shade darker than the general teal of his pallor. Do corpses turn teal? I’m pretty sure that’s not the question I should be asking because from what I can see, this body is alive. Unless dead bodies pulse in and out like they’re breathing. I’m pretty sure that’s more of a live body thing. 

I have no idea who– or what– this is. Fear spreads from my gut to my limbs and I freeze. Then, as if awakened by my change in emotion, the body’s eyes open. Gone are the smiling, kind eyes I stared into across the table at Korean barbeque. In their place are oversized reptilian orbs with elliptical pupils. They go wide at the sight of me, their darkness reflecting the storm clouds above us. 

Someone is screaming. 

Oh shit, it’s me. I’m the one screaming. And I’m not stopping. Even as Jeremiah leaps up from the ground and pulls me into him with one giant, webbed hand while putting the other over my still screaming mouth. It muffles the sound, sure, but I feel the power of the reverberations. That’s the thing about screams of terror, I am now learning: they’re not just some loud noise. They’re the pure power of fear surging through your body. Another thing about terror screams: they are consuming. I feel my energy levels drop even as my screaming refuses to let up. As I lose power, a darkness begins to build around the periphery of my vision. It creeps in slowly until I am no longer present. 

[addox]

ship: junto

wc: 1118

summary: just a relaxing night in ❤️, my half of a trade with @canonjunto

Sometimes, a forty hour, five day work week almost seemed desirable. 

That is, when you compared it to the non-committal, absolute mess of a schedule that Torchwood offered. Very rare were the days that they could relax fully, without being bothered in some way, called to HQ for some reason or another. And so the few times they could, they reveled in it.

Not too long ago, Ianto might have spent the night on the fraying couch they'd shoved into one of the many cluttered corners. But nowadays, he wished for nothing more than to be able to sleep at home. In fact, he wished even more to be able to finally relax -- something he could never have seen himself wanting in his past. Alas, things have changed. The presence of one very exhausted live-in boyfriend proved that much. Yes, Ianto Jones preferred these days to be at home, to have time for just the two of them, away from the team and the chaos they brought alongside themselves.

Well, until it actually came to it.

Now that the two of them had nestled in for the night, they simply sat, rather confused. These occurrences were so infrequent -- that is, times they got the night alone; it wasn't often they were faced with the decision of what to do with said time. Juette was the first to speak.

“Dinner, maybe?”

Ianto nods, “Good idea.”

Another silence, as Ianto stands near the doorway, shrugging off his suit blazer but standing his ground. Juette falls into the couch with a tired sigh. They meet eyes after a moment, stirring thoughts reaching the same conclusion. They speak at the same time.

“Take-out.”

A chuckle from Ianto follows, his smile lingering as he sees his grinning partner making himself comfortable.

“Where from?”

A question just as difficult as their previous conundrum. Ianto pulls his tie loose, and joins Juette on the couch, breathing out the tension he'd been harboring, shoulders dropping as he closes his eyes.

“Something that delivers, hopefully.”

He hears a hum of vague agreement.

“...Do you know anywhere close by?”

Juette opens an eye, “I was hoping you did. It's your apartment.”

“Ours.”

“Conjecture.”

They both lean back, sinking into the plush of the sofa. 

“There's that Thai place down the road.”

“They deliver?”

“No. Pizza?”

“Eh. What about that pop-up taco place a couple blocks down?”

“Not quite in the mood.”

A contemplative silence settles over the den. 

“Eat in?”

“Eat in.”

Ianto springs from the couch with a newfound energy, striding purposefully towards the kitchen and beginning to rustle through the cabinets.

He pulls a few boxes of instant-meals from the cupboard, before looking over the potential meal of…Mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, and cake mix.

He glances towards Juette, who had snugly fitted himself against the arm of the couch and was now browsing the nightly TV lineup, and then back to the counter. He resigns to the fridge, peeking through the empty shelves and barren drawers, mirroring the actions with the freezer. He huffs, leaning into the linoleum countertop as he closes the icebox with a resounding and empty, echoing thud. 

“How's a snack night sound?”

“Hm?” he hears Juette draw his attention. 

“We don't have much in the way of a cohesive meal,” Ianto raises his voice, “So I was thinking…Something out of the ordinary.”

“Everything in our lives is out of the ordinary, babe.”

Ianto feels his face heat at the nickname, and he fumbles for a few minutes as he gathers the bowls and plates required to set out their spread of snacks and assorted, mismatched entrees. With their fine dining set for feasting, laid bare on the coffee table, Ianto retreats to the bedroom for just enough time to return in flannel pants, and an old t-shirt, some band name he can scarcely remember a song from scrawled across it. It's faded, worn, but comfortable. Much like the feeling he seemed to want to chase this evening.

He returns to a boyfriend who is just as cozy, now wrapped in tattered pajamas himself, and a shag throw blanket draped about his shoulders.

“What's good on TV?”

Juette pops a pretzel into his mouth, nodding towards the guide. 

“Absolutely nothing. All yours, if you'd like to take a crack at it.”

He takes the chance, browsing channels with various shows, syndicated movies and outdated (even to his own time’s standards, he can only imagine Juette’s opinion on them comparatively) series, landing finally on some reality schlock.

“Your choice of television for tonight is…Big Brother?”

Ianto chuckles lowly, a flick of his eyes towards him before he stretches out, eagerly taking hold of the trail mix bowl.

“Something so fascinating about supposed reality TV, no? It's just so…”

“Fake.”

“Yeah. But in a nice way. Makes our lives seem a bit less frustrating, makes you a bit more appreciative towards the strangeness, don't you think?”

“I don't understand.”

“I mean, if only my biggest problems were ‘my life is being broadcast to the country’ and ‘my caviar arrived to the brunch table before I did,’ know what I mean?” 

“Can't say I’m entirely familiar with the concept.”

“Well, me either. But that's what makes it. Most people watch this stuff because their lives are boring. I think I’ve come to enjoy it because I know my life is more exciting.”

“Our lives.”

“Yeah,” Ianto moves just a bit closer, allows himself to be embraced by his boyfriend, the blanket encasing their combined warmth, “Our lives.”

“I guess I understand what you're saying. But I like when things are boring, sometimes.”

He feels Juette’s hands wrap around his arm, his head rest against his shoulder. He breathes him in, the weight a familiar kind of comfort, not just now but every day, at home and in the field, at HQ and every other place. He could find this comfort in their time no matter where they were, and especially now in the serene late hours, when the city has mostly died down, the distant urban bustle a hushed whisper in comparison to the flat they shared, tucked into an innocuous corner of an innocent neighborhood. 

And now, as they watched some garbage show, surrounded by quite possibly the worst meal they'd have shared since their relationship began, tired and dozing but warm and at ease, Ianto wonders if every day of strange, new, possibly dangerous curiosity and alien experiences (quite literally most times) is worth coming home to comforts like these.

He looks down, presses a kiss to the top of Juette’s head as he breathes evenly, having fallen asleep long ago, rested perfectly against his own form.

Yes. It was well worth it.

[translucent-at-best]

Scatter-brained...

I can't find the post about the greatest movie deaths to reblog it, but I just want y'all to know that topping my list is Queenie the dog's death in Crooklyn. Also included is Sonny from The Godfather and Samuel L. Jackson's character in Deep Blue Sea.

Life been life-ing like a motherfucker lately. And while some of it is just happening to me through no fault of my own, there is some of it that's also just me dealing with the consequences of my actions. I'm trying to focus on the things I can control, but it's easier said than done.

Death been death-ing like crazy too. From family to friends to friends who are family... This shit don't make no sense.

I'm 33 now. I haven't had a birthday party since I was 9, but I'm planning a birthday brunch for myself next weekend and I'm excited for it. And grateful that I have people to invite and who I know will show up for me. I'm really out here with chosen family. I came out here knowing no one. I might sound like a broken record at this point, but I'll never stop thanking God for that.

Had to kick my roommate's boyfriend out of the apartment a few weeks ago. I'm still shaken up over it. She told me he's not welcome back until I say he is and I told her I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable with that again (read: I absolutely won't be). She says she understands and that that's a consequence he'll just have to live with... but I'm very aware that although she's saying that now, she may not be so understanding on a May 15th or a July 20th or... you get it. I hope I'm wrong, but if she's shown me anything thus far, it's that I can't always believe what she says.

This same boyfriend showed up unannounced at my place last Sunday night to "apologize." We talked through the call box and that was only long enough for me to say (and repeat several times) that I'm not in a place to accept an apology right now. He kept trying to convince me to talk, asking for "a minute of your time" and saying that he's really a good guy.

First off, anyone who calls themselves a "good" person, I'm wary of. I feel like that's the type of thing other people should tell me about you or that I should clearly be able to see for myself through your actions. Secondly, your solution to getting kicked out of some place is to show up to that place unannounced and try to force the person who wanted you out to accept your apology on your time and terms? Fuck all the way out of here. Thirdly, the lack of self awareness it takes to say you understand why what you did (not listening to us when we told you to leave) was wrong, but then to refuse to listen and leave AGAIN as you try to apologize is mind-boggling. Every time I think about it, I end up even more pissed.

I've been closing all my fitness circles nearly every day this month and I'm really proud of me for that. I even went and worked out on my birthday. Who is she?

The economy is a mess, the current job market is big trash, and the non-profit org I work for has fallen on hard times and informed us that there will be layoffs at the end of this school year. I'm applying and have been applying, but finding the energy to keep doing so is draining in a way I don't think I've experienced before.

And, on top of all that, my sleep schedule has been terrible. I thought it was just a side effect of my period this month, but that thing been gone for a minute and I'm still struggling.

April 13th (the day I promised myself I'd get back on a dating app) came and went. I downloaded an app. I created a profile. I consulted friends about which pictures to post and choose... but them fucking prompts? I know I'm supposed to show off my personality, sell myself, etc. I just ain't got the energy right now...

[rwqv]

bro mahito was such a good villain like he was the first villain that genuinely pissed me off.,, his writing is soo good i love it so bad but like comeee ONNNN

DADDYJAKU IS CRAZY WORK but i sgree full heartedly

pls im doubling over in pain godd GODDD i luv jjk analyses especially with megumi. no matter how bad i love gojo, megumi will always be my favoeite with his writing. my brother was super annoyed that he kept summoning mahoraga, kept flashbacking to sukuna sayinf "thats kinda a waste of your talents right?" and kept flashbacking to gojo saying hes not using all his potential ... but thats the point!!!!!!!!! hes falling behind compared to yuji and he knows it ... and hes super depressed and hes willing to summon mahoraga so much because he literally does NOT care about his life in the slightest that man actively wants to kill himself... UGHHH AND HIM BEING CALLED POTENTIAL MAN LIKE DID U GUYS EVEN READ SLASH WATCH THE SHOW...... THATS THE POINT hes like a foil of yuji AND a parallel to geto.

yghhh yuji sarcrifuce would tear me apart like i literally gave birth to yuji hes my baby my sonnn ... but i cant lie that would be a great ending

plot twist gojo comes back talking about some "im for real real!" LMFAOOOOOO jk ... as mych as i truth him to come back i think his like character development and arc was at a good enough point for him to die. like nanami's character did seem fully fleshed oht when he died but nobara (at the time) didnt seem that developed when gege killed her. but shes back baby so maybe we'll see more of her (in the remaining 5 chapters ........)

YES OMG UGH the gojo 30 questions was like the smallest glimpse we had of the gojo clan. what do you MEAN his parents are still alive and everythint TELL ME MOREEEUHHH..

did u see getos mom was on the popularity list thing rven tho we've never seen him LMFAOOO i just know shes bad asf

oh my god imb so mad. i wrote up a full lengthy response but i crashed and everythkng got deleted. ill type up what i remember but its pretty bad 😭 i was cooking before it gor deleted

ANYWAYS

i never actually thought of megumi that way holy shit… esp with the fight between toji and him in shibuya… like father: 0 cursed energy, no weapon vs. son: the 10 shadows technique and all his shikigami and he still “lost”. megumi would probably win if he couldve apply himself better. he def feels left behind just like geto did when gojo surpassed him quickly thats horrible

i feel so much more sympathetic to megumi now i feel bad 😢

ALSO ABOUT HOW HES DEPRESSED AND EVERYTHING AND WANTS TO DIE BECAUSE OF SUKUNA INHABITING HIM AND USING MEGUMI AS A WEAPON

i do also think gojos character arc is pretty finished. like i want him to come back but also he feels completed. he was the strongest but he lost (mommyraga saved sukunas ass) . gojo finally did what no one thought could be done, and he could no longer be used as a weapon (not cool yuta 😡) and he died on the same day that geto did + on the most romantic day.. i think gojo should finally truely rest now (with his shitty ass sleeping schedule he needs it)

to add on, gojo killed his best friend and had to watch as his adopted son was used as a weapon to kill him he needs to lay down and sleep. his whole sense of family too is pretty messed up w the clan things and also riko (i think they have a sibling bond but also it seems like he doesnt fully like her but that might just be siblings) and everyone who came close to him died

more things about the clan workings would have been cool too!1 the story only sorta fleshed out zenin but what about kamo? or gojo? like what would gojos parents think about gojo dying and stuff like that? the clans are supposed to be like a big part of jujutsu society but i feel like they barely get any screentime. did he love his parents? did his parents love him? did anyone love him as a kid? how did the clans clash back then?? like PPPLLLEEASSE WHAT ABOUT NORITOSHI AND HIS CLAMMN WHY

my point is gege is leaving so much open like the merger€? more character interactions would definitely allow people to feel better… what about cursed tools backstories? cursed speech clan? international sorcerers? i know everyone was like jjk is dragging on and everything but 5 chapters could not resolve these plotppoints

10 spinoff series with all slice of life fluff now PLS

GETOS MOM WOULD DEF BE A BADDIE all of his genes are from her majestic ahh bro… that nurse kenjaku(geto) relly shows it

OOH MY GOD I THOUGHT I POSTED THIS EARLIER WJOOPS SORRY

[handelplayssims]

Ha! Somewhat fitting considering the everything! And the yellow ghosts that kept popping up! So I spent a lot of time on household maintainance and cleaning up the general messes from the broken electronics and a spooky doll. I was going to purchase the speed cleaner reward trait from the store to speed things up but Gunther already has this trait! Man! So cleaning and reading a book and then we get some more sleep. This is what happens with a haunted house. You potentially become nocturnal. So it’s 8PM and we got work tomorrow. At 10 hours until work, I’ll head to bed and see what energy gain I get from that to try to reset the sleep schedule. Then again, haunted house so, we’ll see how well that works.

I would have Gunther work out but we’re getting to the point where the pudge feels more...natural I want to say? So instead, it’s working on handiness time, what he wants to do. Making upgrades to the fridge, microwave and dishwasher and gaining skill while at it. Though that dishwasher upgrade took ages. So with that and then taking a bath and going to the toilet, it’s actually six hours until work until I go to bed. -shrugs- Ah well. We’ll continue on but first, neighborhood stories!

Neighborhood Watch!

Amber Stein in the It’s Amber! Household has died. Amber should have taken swimming classes.

...yes it’s that Amber. The one from the pre-release trailers for the Sims 4. I liked her so I stuck her in my save file. Should have known that this would be her fate.

Caspar von Bergliez in the von Bergliez household left his job as a Solid Storyteller in the Comedian career.

...honestly, I’m surprised that’s what his career was. And yeah, occasionally I also throw in some video game characters I like into this file. If I want them to age at all. With a few notable exceptions.

We wake up just as the alarm for work goes off. Our tasks are to write for two hours and to recommend hangouts to three sims. Alrighty then! First things first, let’s get into an inspired mood and write both our column and finish off that book. Well, not finish. There are things around the house I wish to do. Like sell the bluebells we have at the side of the house. Mop away spooky puddles. And eat! Eating is good. Considering our diet lately, we’ll have a salad today for lunch.

And finally, after a long while of seeing it pop up and not doing anything with it, we head on over to the local library! ...I’ll be very honest and say, I don’t really think of using Quad Manor a lot. Mostly because in terms of location, I more think of Britechester’s library. ...also Britechester’s library does what Quad Library wants to do, better.

Anyway, time to get to work on that second job thing. First to chat to the local librarian. By the by, the librarians will always be bookworms, same as the gym trainer’s always being active so, keep that in your cap if you have your eye for specific people. It’s great for Gunther! He’s got library folk to chat books with. So then I set Gunther up to his whims twice over of wanting to read a book, and so I do, before finding another person to chat with. And after doing that, researching on the archive machine, logic to be precise. Want to get that levelled eventually! But by that point, the library has cleared out of visitors, so it’s time to go somewhere else to recommend places to people. Of which, we’ve had a whim to Get to Know Rua so let’s head to a bar with him.

I headed him on off to the Shrieking Llama, the one with the good drinks and the bad food since what we’re here for is social for the most part. And we had a good chat, they’re up to good friends now! And yet I ask, where are the hipsters? The fellow pretentious snobs? ...despite the fact that Gunther is a book nerd first and foremost.

But anyway, time to head home and head to bed. Good productive day! Sure hope no bumps in the night disturb us! ...they did and it was easy enough to light the candle, hide under the covers and calm himself.

Neighborhood Stories!

Julien Avery in the Avery household has died. Julien was so angry he burst into flames and died.

NO! This person was my very first randomized household visit! Sure I never got to him ever again, but MAN. MAAAN. HE HAD A KID! Maaaaan…

Caspar von Bergliez in the von Bergliez household has died. Caspar tried to make cereal but it burst into flames.

...welp. RIP to Caspar.

[bratz-kitten]

blockages that the placements need to work through 

here are some things i’ve been working on ft. the astrological placements that i believe they’re revelant to, in case anyone else needs this 

sun aspecting venus, harsh aspects to the ascendant - saying no. it’s not so much like... a need to say yes to please other people, but a fear of saying no and facing the repercussions of it. lately i’ve been trying to simply say no to things that make me uncomfortable because turns out i do have a great difficulty setting boundaries lmfao. when my male friends make a sexual comment about me, i just say “stop, don’t talk about me like that” and when people invite me to hangouts that i don’t have the energy to go to i simply say “i won’t go, but thank you for inviting me”. the most difficult part is dealing with the guilt that comes with refusing others, and i’m telling myself that it’s okay to piss people off if it’s to maintain my feeling of safety 

moon in capricorn, moon harshly aspecting saturn - letting myself depend on others. i’m coming to terms with the fact that i’m not as big of a lone wolf as i believe myself to be lmfao. like, it’s okay that i depend on my emotional bonds sometimes! it’s okay to allow myself to love with no restrictions, with no “but i can’t let them see me vulnerable”, with no “what do i get out of this connection?”, no “oh i have to be nonchalant about how much i care for them or else they’re gonna know they have power over me and abandon me” no. i’m letting myself write the dumb sappy texts, to make the effort, to show how much i care, to open up to others. i’m easing with my calculating instincts. i don’t have to drown in my loneliness and i refuse to spend a lifetime avoiding getting close to others in fear of them hurting me. i’m working on seeing my strength, like... it’s ok if they hurt me because i will survive 

saturn in gemini, mars in the 12th house, mars harshly aspecting neptune - taking action when i need to. especially in real life, i have a lot of difficulty with taking action. like, if i’m in an argument with someone, or if someone is actively pissing me off, my first instinct is to end the conversation and escape so that it won’t escalate. theoretically, that’s smart... in practice, it makes me gulp down a lot of situations in favor of keeping the peace, and it makes me live an entirely different life in my mind vs. in reality. like, in my mind, when something happens i’ll fantasize about being assertive and talking back to the person, about standing my ground. but in real life i just... quietly move to a different room. plus it’s difficult for me to feel things in the moment, like something will happen and i won’t register it but days later i will think back on it and be practically fuming in anger. these past few weeks i’ve been working on just, saying what i want to say. even if i’m aware the situation can escalate, at least i won’t have any regrets, and it’s made me realize that people aren’t as easy to anger as i thought them to be, and that i’m stronger than i believed myself to be 

moon harshly aspecting jupiter - allowing myself to break down. my moon opposite jupiter is at a 0º orb, and when i tell you i feel every ounce of it, i really do. like, my emotions are extremely disregulated. on one hour i will be at the highest of the highs, and then the next hour i’ll be crying on the floor telling myself i’m the worst person alive. which just... causes me to feel even more guilty about how i speak to myself, and about how volatile my emotions are, and then i’m just a mess of guilt and self-criticism and “stop acting like a baby”; i feel easily overwhelmed and like i’m doing way too much, overreacting to every possible situation. and then, an hour later, im just like.... emotionally numb. anyways, instead of making it worse by blaming myself for my emotions, i’ve been just. allowing myself to feel. no guilt, no shame, just allowing myself to feel bad because of the innate belief that i’ll get over this, i’ll move forward, it’ll get better 

venus harshly aspecting the ascendant - dealing with a poor self-image. i have a lot of issues with my body image. so, instead of analyzing my body from every single angle and blaming myself for it, i’ll just. not look in the mirror. like, you know when you’re a kid, you’re barely aware that you have a body - it’s there, it functions, it helps you play and eat and grab things, but you don’t really spend time thinking about it’s shape and appearance because it doesn’t matter. that’s the mentality i’m trying to work with right now, that my body is there: it deserves food, exercise, to be washed and dressed in comfortable clothing, and that’s that. i’m releasing myself of the judgment that comes with my poor self-image 

natal saturn retrogade - stop buying things just to watch them sit there. like, i buy things that i don’t even use. or i buy things that i plan to use, but then i end up not using them out of guilt of having bought them, or lack of energy to use them, or fear of using them and messing up. so, what i’m doing is grabbing all the things i don’t use, and if i truly don’t want to use them, i’ll simply discard of them, and if i do want to use them, then i’m making plans to do so. no letting them sit in my room and feeling guilty every time i look at them 

mars dominance, mars aspecting personal planets, mercury aspecting pluto, debilitated moon (in capricorn or scorpio) - stop verbally insulting others in discussions. the point of having a discussion is to explain both perspectives and come to an agreement/compromise, not to try to win. unfortunately, this is something i’ve always had great difficulty understanding lmfao. as soon as i’m in a discussion the point stops being to shed light on the situation but to use the words i know will hurt the person the most so that they’ll feel the pain that i feel. when someone is not understanding me, part of me just wants to make them go through what i went through so that they’ll get it - especially if i have an emotional attachment to the person (for example, them being my family or romantic interest). this is extremely toxic and it’s giving me when your parents say “when i was younger i had it much more worse than you, and i’m going to somehow make this your problem”. so, i’ve been thinking twice about what i say to people. is what i’m about to say to this person relevant to this discussion, or do i just want my words to sting them so i can watch them crumble? i ask myself this question, and i try to show others the empathy that i want them to show me. 

planets in the 12th house, lilith in the 12th house - developing a better sleep schedule. i don’t remember the last time that i went to sleep before 5am, and this has greatly impacted my mental and physical health in general. like, i’ll go to bed extremely late, and then i wake up late and it takes me hours to find the strength to get out of bed because i just feel so shitty. the reason why i avoid sleeping early is because i struggle a lot with nightmares, because of my own paranoid thoughts and fears, and because it’s my “peaceful” time. like, during the day i have to deal with my parents being awake and... well, just existing in general, and i have to deal with my responsibilities and my family, but at night i get to just exist for myself and do whatever. but also, i struggle a lot with intrusive/paranoid thoughts that keep me from falling asleep. this is due to my anxiety and mental health problems, and to be honest i still don’t really know what to do to deal with this. like... the thing that’s helped me the most so far is to turn off my phone/computer since i get headaches easily, petting my cat until i feel calm enough to at least try to sleep, and to avoid taking naps throughout the day since that’ll just leave me with way too much energy at night 

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

The Boyz “You tell them you love them when you think they’re asleep”

The Boyz Masterlist                                  Group Masterlist

Ask: OH hoi!✨So what about telling The Boyz you love them when you think they are asleep🥺Thank youu💕

A/N: My first The Boyz reaction! Please lemme know what you think

Sangyeon: 

Long days of filming really can build up to a crash and this was what Sangyeon was experiencing. On days off like this, he really noticed it caught up to him. Sleeping for a majority of the day and being in an odd daze the moments that he was awake. It him feel slightly guilty, because his days off were the only ones where you could really hang out which lead to him forgetting you were coming over on a day he couldn’t get out of bed. 

He was in that horrible inbetween of being awake and asleep when you wandered into his room. You never disturbed him while he was asleep, he knew that but he was curious as to what you were doing as you looked him over. “You work so hard. God, I just love you so much.” You said softly and he just found that he could not hide his smile. “Oh my god you’re awake.” You laughed, noticing his smile. He was still dazy, but he still nodded his head. 

“If it makes you feel better, I love you too.” 

Jacob: 

Spending the night together for the first time is kind of a big deal in a relationship and well you were still slightly tiptoeing around eachother, just to make sure you didn’t overstep eachothers boundaries. Well, now you were just kind of admiring him. He was just so pretty, those long lashes as his eyes were closed and his breathing was heavy. You felt lucky, you felt... loved. 

You moved to look at him better, head resting on his chest and you just stared. “Oh I think I love you, Jacob Bae.” You said softly, not wanting to wake him up because you thought he was asleep. Well, he was half awake and just not wanting to commit to speaking or opening his eyes yet. Until he heard you words and his eyes shot open, surprising you immensly and making you squeak. Jacob felt his heart absolutely melt, at your reaction and your words. 

“I think I love you too, sorry... for scaring you.” 

Younghoon: 

He was fighting sleep the whole night and you had told him to just go to bed. But Younghoon was stubborn and was determined to watch this drama with you. But boy was he fighting sleep and it was a losing battle... however amusing. 

He wasn’t there yet, asleep, but the pout was plastered on his face and his eyes were shut. The drama playing in the background was forgotten and you were just watching him at this point. Younghoon was just so precious when he slept, you couldn’t help yourself but cuddle into him more. “I love you, Younghoon-ie.” You whispered and his pout turned into a smile. “You thought I was asleep?” He asked and you smacked his chest lightly. “Yes I did. You said you were going to watch the drama.” You retorted, crossing your arms and he shook his head at you. 

“I was watching! From behind my eyelids. That’s not important, you just told me you loved me.” 

Hyunjae/Jaehyun:

Hyunjae, being the caring guy he was, had used his day off to surprise you. Showing up to your place early with lunch, then taking you out for a fun day, shopping, coffee, just the whole nine yards. But it was only natural that by the time you had gotten home, Hyunjae was beat. Finding that he needed to lay down a minute as you got more comfortable. 

He wasn’t asleep yet, just drowsy with his eyes closed and laying on your couch when you came back wearing sweatpants. He had given you such a nice day, when he worked so hard. You just felt an overwhelming amount of love, the least you could do was cover him up with a blanket. “I love you, so, so, so much.” You said softly, only to feel his hands holding your waist and pulling you down on the couch with him. 

“I love you too, I’m just really tired.” 

Juyeon:

“So that was pretty much how the show went.” Juyeon said into the phone, sighing at the thought of you. “Sounded like it was something.” You said with a laugh. On days you couldn’t see eachother, a call at the end of the day was always something you cherished. But a long silence fell on the other end, coupled with something you could have sworn was heavy breathing. 

“Oh Juyeon, I love you.” You hummed softly, convinced he was asleep. “I love you too.” His response was quick, startling you and making you laugh. “I thought you were asleep.” You said, getting harty laugh from him on the other end. “No sorry, something came on that caught my attention.” His heart was warm at your confession.

“But that’s besides the point. I really, really love you.” 

Kevin: 

It something you frequently did together, just scrolling aimlessly through tiktok/instagram etc. Your head resting on his chest as you both watched videos on his phone. But you gradually noticed his scrolling getting slower, his eyes drooping and his breaths getting heavy. It wasn’t long before he had dozed off. 

You turned his phone off, feeling him nestle into you a bit more which was practically a sure sign of sleep. “I love you.” You whispered, kissing his forehead after. Only to feel his arms tighten around you even more. “I love you too.” He mumbled and yeah it caught you off guard. But you didn’t want to press him further, you just wanted to enjoy the moment. 

New/Chanhee: 

It was 4 a.m and well, you couldn’t sleep. You were left just staring at the ceiling in Chanhee’s room, not wanting to move too much and wake him up on accident. So you simply took in your surroundings, the soft bed sheets, the fluffy pillows, the beautiful sleeping guy next to you. Chanhee was just so pretty, even when he was asleep. So you decided to focus on that. 

You took in his features, taking a mental note of his facial shapes and his soft breaths. “Chanhee, I love you so much.” You said very softly not wanting him to wake up. However he surprised you, turning your way to face you and his eyes opening slowly. Chanhee woke up the second you moved around, but kept his eyes shut in the hopes that sleep would find him anyways. 

“I love you too, now go to sleep.” 

Q/Changmin: 

Changmin knew you were coming over, but had decided to lay down and try to take a nap anyways. But whenever that failed, he had just decided to mess with you instead. He could hear the members telling you were he was and he pretended to sleep when he heard his bedroom door open. 

You were always just happy to see him and you were especially happy that he was getting some well deserved rest. You leaned over and kissed his forehead, which was when he wanted to jump up and scare you but then you just had to say it. “I love you Changmin.” You said softly, only for his eyes to shoot open. It still scared you, just not the way he was intending to at first. 

“I was going to scare but then you said that and- you can’t just- I love you too.” 

Haknyeon: 

A good dinner, followed by a good movie on Netflix was almost a sure thing to get Haknyeon to fall asleep. It was just such a dangerous and powerfull duo, you had also often fallen victim too and this was one of those times. You had woken up to a slightly less full tummy and the movie being over, Haknyeon lightly snoring next to you on the couch. 

You had to hold back your laughter, because well this happened more often than you cared to admit. Leaning over Haknyeon, you ran your fingers over his cheeks. “I love you.” You said, not bothering to whisper because if he was really asleep, he’d sleep through it anyways. His lips curled into a smile, being on the verge of being awake. 

“You’re cute. I love you too.” 

Sunwoo: 

The van was quiet and the sun was down, leaving you to have quite a melancholy drive because everyone was seemingly asleep. You loved it when you were allowed to join on schedule, even now when everyone was asleep and you were wide awake. 

Looking over to Sunwoo, who’s hand was on your thigh and his eyes were shut, you leaned into him more. Maybe even attempt to get some sleep yourself, but you couldn’t help yourself but look at a him little longer first. “I love you.” You whispered, just loud enough for only him to hear. You watched his lips form a slight pout as he opened his eyes slightly. 

“I love you too, just don’t let the others know.” 

Eric: 

Eric’s energy level was either at 100 or at 0 and well he had been at 100 all day, which meant he was now at 0. Completely tired and you could tell by the way his words slurred as he leaned on you, it was almost like he was drunk. You could feel him slump onto your shoulder, eyes shut and you honestly thought he was asleep. 

“You’re such a dummy, Eric. I love you.” You mumbled, looking at him a moving his hair out of his face. You could feel him laugh against you, before sleepily opening his eyes. “I love that you insult me before telling me you love me.” This was followed by a yawn and you shook your head, needing to hold back your laughter. “Go to sleep, my dummy.” You said softly and he nodded in agreement. 

“I guess I will. I love you too, by the way, Just so you know.” 

A/N: My first the boyz reaction! I’m not completely happy with it but I hope to get better at writing for them!

[infinitefandomimagines]

How the hq boys react to you pulling an all-nighter

WARNINGS: none

-

CHARACTERS: kuroo tetsuro, bokuto koutarou, ushijima wakatoshi

Kuroo Tetsurou:

Kuroo had grown used to waking up with you pressed against his side in the early morning hours, each time pulling you closer and reveling in your warmth. It'd become something of a routine. He always woke up before you, eventually resorting to gently poking at your face when he grew impatient with the lack of attention.

However, this time as he reaches out, his fingers only grasp at cold and empty sheets. He lifts his head a little, peering through hazy eyes to search for your presence. When he realizes you weren't in your shared room, he lazily rolls out of bed to search for you. Maybe you'd woken up before him. It was rare that this happened, but when it did, you always made breakfast and had it waiting for the two of you when he woke.

After scouring the kitchen to no avail, he moves on to the living room of your small shared apartment. Sure enough, there you were, but why?

That's right! It hit him, you stayed up late to finish a lab report for one of your classes. However, when he went to bed he'd been under the impression that you'd eventually join him when you finished, not stay up the entire night. Yet there you were, still in the same position he'd left you in the night before. Hunched over a laptop, staring at the dim screen with dead eyes, attempting to comprehend the words on the screen. Snack wrappers and empty energy drink cans were scattered around your laptop along with a few loose pieces of paper and texts books. You looked absolutely exhausted, dark circles already forming just beneath your eyes.

It took you a while to even notice your boyfriend standing right in front of you, a concerned look painting his face. "Hmm? Oh, hi Tetsu . . . what time is it?"

"It's seven in the morning. Kitten, did you stay up all night?"

You nodded your head very slightly, rubbing the heel of your palms against your eyes, trying to the clear the cloudiness from your vision. "Had to finish my lab report."

He wants to scold you for sacrificing your health to finish the assignment that could have easily waited until today. But one more glance at your tired form tells him to bite his tongue for the time being. You were barely able able keep your eyes open, eyes closing ever now and then before snapping back open. Besides, it's not like he was one to talk, he'd done the same thing the week prior to finish a paper.

Looking back down at the empty food wrappers, an idea popped into his head. "Alright, Kitten," he spoke softly, extending both his hands out to you, palms up. "Let's go get you some proper breakfast, and when we get back you're going straight to bed."

Your movements were slow as you placed your hands into his, allowing him to pull you up from the couch. You wobbled a bit as you stood, but Kuroo was there to steady you.

Neither of you even bothered changing before Kuroo lead you to the front door and into his car, taking you to the small diner ten minutes from your apartment. He paid for your food, letting you get anything you wanted — except coffee, saying that you needed to sleep instead of trying to fight through the day on caffeine.

You ended up falling asleep in the car on the drive back to your apartment, exhaustion finally taking in over. Kuroo didn't have the heart to wake you up, so he ended up carrying you bridal style up a flight of stairs and into your shared apartment.

He gently sets you down in your bed, pulling the covers up to your chin. "Get some sleep, Kitten," he whispers, leaning down to press a feather light kiss to the space between your eyes.

Bokuto Koutarou

If you think Bokuto isn't right there with you all night, then you are terribly mistaken. He's not going to bed unless you're there as well, wrapped up in his arms. No matter how tired he grew, he absolutely refused to leave you alone all night while you caught up on school work.

"Baby. . ." he drawled out in a whiney voice, lips set in a pout. "How much longer?"

You let out a sigh, this was the tenth time in the past hour Bokuto had interrupted your studying with his complaints. Not even bothering to look up from your laptop, you spoke. "I told you Kou, I need to get this done. You don't have to stay with me, I'll come to bed once I'm finished."

All you got in response was a childish "No," and an even bigger pout. You playfully rolled your eyes at how stubborn he could be. Despite his determination, you figured his exhaustion would take over eventually and he'd have no other choice than to finally go to bed. So, you returned your attention back to your school work and left Bokuto to entertain himself.

A few minutes passed and from the corner of your eye you noticed Bokuto's head starting to slowly tilt downward, his chin falling to his chest. However, just as quickly as he began to drift off, he jolted himself back awake, his head snapping up and eyes blinking furiously. This continued for about half an hour before you finally interjected. You reached your hand out and placed it atop of his to gain his attention. The sudden contact caused him to perk up, eyes wide.

"Kou, I can tell how exhausted you are. It's okay, I'll be fine alone. Please go get some rest." You lightly grazed your thumb over his knuckles. You were starting to feel guilty that he was fighting off some much needed sleep just to be with you.

Of course, your pleas fell on deaf ears with him. Shaking his head, he once again refused to leave your side. With neither of you giving in to the other, you decided to seek out a sort of middle ground. A compromise that was mainly of Bokuto's invention. That's how you ended up in your current — and slightly strange — position.

Bokuto laid on his stomach with his head in your lap, muscular arms wrapped around your hips, holding you as close as possible. His head was cocked to the side so that so that he could snuggle his face into your stomach. You've got your laptop set up on his back at an angle that still allowed you to see it clearly. As odd as it seemed, Bokuto claimed he didn't mind, saying the heat from it felt nice on his back muscles. But you're pretty sure the main reason is that he just wants to be close to you, which you don't mind.

Every so often when you're not using your hands for typing notes, you'll reach down and play with his hair. He let's out a hum of appreciation each time your finger tips make contact with his scalp, scratching at the sweet spot just above his nape. With your fingers working their magic, you manage to lull him to sleep in just a few minutes.

The two end up staying like that the rest of the night, it was surprisingly comfortable. Although at some point, he almost knocks over the whole set-up when he stirs in his sleep.

Ushijima Wakatoshi

He's not all that surprised to find your side of the bed empty when he wakes up for his daily 6:00 a.m. run. You'd been working on a paper just before he'd gone off to bed, and by the looks of it you still had quite a bit left to get through. So he got ready for his run as usual, throwing on a pair of joggers and jacket before making his way to the living room where he knew you'd be.

What did surprise him however, was the fact that you were still awake when he found you; well, half awake. You were laid out on the couch, turned on your side to face your laptop, though Ushijima doubted you were doing much in terms of work at this point.

He really thought you would have fallen asleep by now, but obviously he'd underestimated your determination.

"Is it already six?" You mumbled, propping yourself up on your elbow upon seeing Ushijima staring down at you. "You know, you really shouldn't stay up all night like this. You'll mess up your sleep schedule."

"Mhm," You hummed out, not having enough energy to come up with a quip or argue your case for staying up. Ushijima's brows knit together with concern, you must really be tired if the most you can muster up is a dull "mhm." He didn't notice it at first, but now having a better look at you, he takes note of the dark circles under your eyes and slightly paler complexion.

"Would you like to go to bed?"

You nod, but don't budge, too tired to even make an effort. Sleeping on the couch wouldn't be so horrible would it? Just as your eyelids begin to flutter shut, a pair of strong arms slip themselves under your figure. With one arm supporting your back and the other placed strategically at the bend of your knees, Ushijima lifts you up, cradling you against his chest. You lazily wrap your arms around his neck, trying your best to help him support your weight — even though he'd proved many times over that picking you up was no struggle. Looks like you won't be sleeping on the couch after all.

"Did you at least finish your paper?" He asks, voice low and soft as he carries you to your shared bedroom. You nod again before letting your head fall against his shoulder. "Good, I'm proud of you."

A warm blush creeps it's way onto your cheeks at his compliment. You dig your face further into his chest in an attempt to hide it, but given the small chuckle that vibrates through his chest he'd already saw.

"Now get some sleep, you need it." The second he sets you down on your bed you're missing his warmth. Even as he tucks you in under the comforter you find yourself reaching out to him with grabby hands. "Stay with me Toshi?" He really wants to say yes.

"I'll be back in a hour after my run." He places a chaste kiss to your forehead in hopes that it'll be enough to satisfy your need for affection until he gets back. Of course, it's not, and he can't help the way his heart sinks when your arms fall to your side. The sigh that escapes your lips only adds to his guilt.

As much as you wanted him to stay, you were too tired to try and convince him. Instead, you just closed your eyes and turned to your side, accepting your fate.

There's a light shuffling followed by a sigh that you assume is just your boyfriend stretching before his run. But then the bed sinks behind you as the same pair of arms that carried you just a few minutes ago snake around your waist. Warmth consumes you as Ushijima pulls you into his bare chest, your back now pressed flush against him. His long legs naturally tangle together with yours, and he nuzzles his face into your hair, breathing in the scent of your shampoo.

"I thought you were going for your run?" You ask, not that you were exactly complaining about this change of plans.

"It can wait. Just get some rest, I'll still be here when you wake up."

"Mmm, thank you, Toshi."

-

A/N: I’m thinking about doing a part 2 to this with other characters so let me know who you want to see!

- 

TAGLIST: @chewymoustachio  

[eliemo]

Bored of Love

Summary: Virgil knows Roman is going to leave if he doesn't change. But he still has time. He can fix this.

TWs: social anxiety, fear of a breakup, misunderstandings

Notes: Enjoy this little oneshot while I work on some of my bigger projects. Romantic Prinxiety, established relationship

Virgil didn’t know how much longer he could keep doing this.

Which was stupid, he’d put himself in this position. It’d be selfish of him to back out of it now. He might ruin everything irreparably if he even tried.

Virgil could suck it up and deal with this, even if it felt like he was going to die the next time he stepped into a public place the Imagination created for him.

But that didn’t matter. Because this was for Roman- and Roman was beaming. He’d been thrilled all week, eyes lighting up in a way that made Virgil dizzy whenever he suggested another date idea or activity to the Prince, carefully hiding the exhausted waver in his voice that hadn’t gone away after three straight days of taking Roman out.

He’d thought he might have been going a little overboard, offering to go out and do things day after day. He’d been a little worried Roman would catch on to what he was doing. Maybe he’d laugh at how disgustingly desperate Virgil was.

But he didn’t. The Prince just looked more excited each time, jumping up and sweeping Virgil off his feet and into an embrace when a new idea was presented.

And that made it worth it. Roman was happy- happy with Virgil- and that was the best feeling in the world. If it meant Roman would keep loving him, that Roman would stay, a little exhaustion and extra anxiety was something he could live with.

Virgil was just...glad he’d forced himself to do this before it was too late.

He hadn’t noticed it until last week, how...annoying it must be for Roman whenever Virgil wanted to stay in and do nothing. Again.

Virgil had thought it would be ok, that Roman understood that sometimes going out and doing things, being active and social, was just a little too much. He’d warned Roman about it before they’d gotten together, that his anxiety could be an obstacle, that he’d do his best but he’d always prefer to be alone with his boyfriend, held safely against his chest.

And Roman hadn’t cared. Not even for a second. He’d waved it off with grand declarations of love that he’d quickly pushed aside in favor of more serious, quiet promises, holding Virgil close to make sure he understood.

All he wanted was Virgil to be comfortable and happy. All he wanted was for them to be together. If Virgil would let Roman love him, he would be happy no matter what they did.

And that’s what they’d done. And everything had been...perfect. It had been better than he’d ever thought it could be, everything he’d never let himself dare to hope for. Being with Roman made the world feel ok, and the bad days more than worth it.

Virgil loved him. And he was so so scared to mess this up.

Which was why last week, when Roman had actually been annoyed by his introversion for the first time, Virgil had panicked immediately and scrambled to fix everything.

Roman had suggested going out on a date night, something a bit more extravagant than their usual quiet dinner in Roman’s room or in the empty kitchen. And as nice as it sounded, Virgil knew there was absolutely no way he would have been able to handle it that night.

His anxiety had been acting up, leaving him jumpy and tired, and even just the thought of venturing out into the Imagination left him wanting to curl up in his bed and never leave.

And he’d said as much, sheepishly admitting he’d really rather just stay inside for the night. And instead of the usual gentle understanding he got in return, Roman had scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Of course you don't,” he’d muttered. “Come on, Virgil, you never want to do anything fun. Staying inside all day is boring. I’m just trying to do something nice for you like a boyfriend is supposed to do since apparently you can’t return the favor.”

And then he’d stormed off, probably to complain to Patton and Logan, and Virgil he’d been left on the couch feeling like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over his head.

Roman had said when they’d started dating that it was ok, that he didn’t care. He wanted Virgil, not the dates and outings and activities. He wouldn’t care if Virgil was too anxious to go out. He’d be perfectly content curling up in bed and watching a movie they’d both seen a hundred times before.

Was that...not true? Had he changed his mind? Was Virgil getting boring? Was he annoying Roman?

Was Roman going to leave if Virgil didn’t hurry up and get it together?

Maybe it was already too late. Maybe Roman had already gotten bored and fallen out of love with him. Maybe there was nothing Virgil could do to convince him to stay with someone like Anxiety.

Beneath the panic, Virgil had recognized he was spiraling. Roman wouldn’t leave him, not out of nowhere. Not over this. Virgil still had time to fix things. He could be better.

Roman had apologized less than an hour later, complete with a bundle of purple flowers and a nervous smile. Virgil hadn’t been mad, of course, and he assumed the apology had only felt necessary because it was impossible for Virgil to hide the fact he’d been crying.

But they were fine now. That had been days ago, and Roman clearly wasn’t giving it a second thought.

But Virgil hadn’t stopped thinking about it, and the next day he’d come to Roman with a date idea, something similar to what Roman had suggested. Virgil had been tired and a little unfocused, but it had been worth it to see Roman positively beam at him.

And then Virgil hadn’t...stopped. He’d kept making plans around their pre-existing schedule for filming and time with the others, more and more piling up until Virgil couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a moment to himself.

It had almost been almost a week now, a week of taking Roman out every day and pushing down panic and exhaustion because Virgil was fine. This is what he wanted because it was what Roman wanted.

Every time a date ended the thoughts would come rushing back, panicked and insistent that Roman was still going to leave him no matter what he did. What if it hadn’t been enough? What if Roman had wanted more? What if Virgil had been too quiet- too boring?

They wouldn’t be silent until Virgil made another plan, took them out again, until Roman smiled with undeniable excitement and led them back into the bustling Imagination.

They had another dinner date tonight, in just a couple hours. Virgil found himself hunched over the breakfast bar in the kitchen, staring blankly at his half empty mug of coffee, and trying very hard not to think about how Logan was staring at him.

“Virgil,” Logan said carefully, and Virgil heard him approach from the kitchen doorway. “Are you...alright?”

“I’m fine,” Virgil said quickly, too quickly, because he wasn’t fine, it felt like he was going to break down if he had to do one more thing today. They’d already worked on filming, and Thomas had gone out with a friend that morning, and Virgil just wanted to sleep. “Why?”

He heard Logan move even closer, tensing when the logical side put a hand on his shoulder. “Because you’ve been incredibly active this last week, and that isn’t like you.”

Virgil grimaced and shook off his hand, probably more aggressively than was necessary. “I’m fine. Maybe I like being active.”

“You don’t,” Logan said, and it wasn’t a question. “And there is nothing wrong with that, Virgil. Some people are more introverted than others, and socializing drains them more quickly. Not to mention your anxiety makes you—”

“Yeah, I know,” Virgil snapped, pushing himself off the stool to dump his coffee in the sink. “I’m shit at doing things and I’m trying to fix that.”

“There is nothing to fix, Virgil. Pushing yourself like this will only hurt you. I don’t understand why you’re doing this to yourself.”

Virgil sighed, squeezing his eyes shut and grabbing at the edge of the counter to keep himself from having a breakdown on the kitchen floor. Logan didn’t deserve to deal with that.

“I’m taking my boyfriend out to dinner,” he said, hating how his voice shook. “And I took him out a few times this week because he deserves it. That’s all. I’m fine, Logan.”

Logan was silent a moment, Virgil still refusing to turn around. “If you told Roman this was hurting you, I’m sure he would—”

“Don’t tell Roman.” Virgil finally spun around, eyes wide and panicked, meeting Logan’s raised eyebrow.“Please, don’t tell Roman, Lo you can't.”

Logan shook his head, watching Virgil with a mix of something between sympathy and concern. “It is not my place to talk to Roman about this. But I do not recommend letting this continue.”

“I’m doing this to make him happy,” Virgil said, and it sounded small and pathetic to his own ears. “I’m...I have to, Lo. He deserves so much better.”

Logan sighed, short and quiet, and for a second Virgil thought he was going to be told off. Virgil was being ridiculous, and no amount of faking excitement and energy could get Roman to stay with someone like him.

But Logan just reached over to squeeze his hand, smiling gently. “Roman is happier than he has been in years since entering a relationship with you. Please try to remember that.”

And then he was gone, leaving Virgil to try and catch his breath in the middle of an empty kitchen until he found the strength to hurry upstairs to get ready for dinner.

--

Dinner was great, obviously. It was great because Roman was there, smiling, eyes twinkling as he talked about...something. For the life of him, Virgil couldn’t focus on the conversation anymore.

He was exhausted and the background chatter of the other people in the restaurant (because of course when Roman created something he had to make it as realistic as possible- what was the fun in a date at a fancy restaurant if it was completely empty and quiet?) was grating against his skull. It was too much and as wonderful as it was to see Roman so happy, Virgil just wanted it to be over.

He wanted to go home. He wanted to go back to Roman’s room and climb into bed and sleep against the Prince’s chest and forget about the world.

But he couldn’t, because this wasn’t enough. It still wasn’t enough, he had to do more because the second Virgil showed just how much he hated this Roman would stop smiling, and he’d realize just how awful Virgil was to be with. Roman was a Prince, he deserved so much better than Anxiety, and if Virgil didn’t change—

“Virgil?” Roman had stopped talking, and Virgil quickly snapped to attention when he realized Prince was staring at him, brow furrowed. “Are you alright?”

It took Virgil a moment to notice he’d started shaking, uncontrollable trembling that was impossible to hide when he took a sip of his water.

But he was fine. He was fine and he needed to get over himself before Roman picked up on anything.

“I’m good, Princey,” he said, cursing how weak his voice sounded. “Do you want to go out to breakfast tomorrow? I had some ideas.”

Roman stared for a second, and Virgil’s heart sank when his smile started to drop. “You’re shaking like a leaf, Virgil. Do you feel sick?”

“No.” Virgil squeezed his hands into fists, nails digging painfully into his palms. “I’m fine, I’m...I’m just cold. It’s cold in here. Do you want to do breakfast tomorrow?”

It was clearly a lie, Roman always kept the temperature perfect in his realm, and Virgil felt more like he was overheating than anything.

“Virge...” he reached forward, freezing when Virgil flinched back before he could stop himself. “Honey, you...do not look fine.”

“I am,” Virgil argued, even as tears began to gather in his eyes. “I’m fine, I swear. We’re having a fun time, I’m ok. You’re...you’re having fun, right? You like these dates?”

Roman didn’t respond for a moment, cautiously looking Virgil over before speaking carefully. “I...I do, but—”

“That’s good!” It came out a bit too desperate, and Virgil internally cringed. “That’s...that’s good. They’re for you.”

“But I’m an extrovert,” Roman said. “We know I enjoy being out and about like this. You’re...Virgil, it’s ok if you don’t want to.”

“No, I do. I do want to, I promise. We’re..we’re having fun. You’ve been having fun.”

“I have,” Roman said slowly. “But if it’s at the cost of your mental health we can have fun doing other things. You don’t have to push yourself.”

“Yes I do,” Virgil said before he could stop himself, wincing when his voice broke. “And I’m fine. Do you want to go out to breakfast tomorrow?”

Roman was silent for a long moment, too long, watching Virgil like he was worried the anxious side might break. Virgil thought he might, too.

“Actually,” the Prince started, voice soft. “I was thinking we could stay in tomorrow.”

Virgil hated how quickly his head shot up, hope clawing at his chest when he saw the sincerity in Roman’s eyes. “You were?”

“I was,” Roman said. “I may not be as good as Patton, but I could figure out how to cook us something edible. We could eat it in bed and watch movies, if you’d like.”

It was like a weight had just been lifted off of Virgil’s shoulders, letting him breathe for the first time all week as he wiped away tears still pooling in his eyes. “That...would be really nice. If- if that’s what you want to do. If you’re sure.”

Roman nodded, back to smiling gently, and Virgil couldn’t even try to hold back the pathetic sobs that broke free, leaving him hunched over and trembling in the middle of the restaurant.

He heard Roman’s chair scoot back and for a terrifying second he thought the Prince was leaving, finally giving up on the pathetic mess sitting across from him.

But then there was another chair being pulled up beside him, and Roman had gathered Virgil into his arms and against his chest, letting Virgil cry into his shirt as he held him close.

“I’m sorry,” Roman said, and Virgil didn’t understand why he was the one apologizing. “Gosh, I’m sorry Virgil. I’ve...I’ve been so selfish, haven’t I?”

“What?” Virgil pulled back, still clutching at Roman’s shirt. “You’re not being selfish, Ro. I’m...I’ve been trying to make you happy.”

“I was perfectly happy how we were,” Roman said softly. “I thought you were being more social and I didn't want to discourage you, but I completely missed the signs that you weren’t enjoying it.”

“I was enjoying it,” Virgil said, and it was only half a lie. “You were so happy. You were happy. It was worth it.”

“You’re breaking down,” Roman said, and Virgil flinched. “Nothing is worth this.”

“But—”

“I’m gonna talk to Logan about a day off,” Roman continued before Virgil could argue. “You’re going to sleep in, and I’m going to make you breakfast, and we’ll spend the day unwinding. Alright?”

It sounded amazing, like everything Virgil had been desperately wanting all week long, but...but it was the opposite of what he’d been trying to do. He’d ruined the night, and Roman...Roman didn’t look upset, but...

“Are...are you mad? It’s ok if you are, but I—”

“No baby,” Roman said, soft and gentle in a way that only shattered Virgil’s resolve further. “I’m not mad at all.”

Virgil wasn’t sure he entirely believed that, not when he’d so royally fucked everything up. “I’m...sorry. I’m so sorry, I was just trying to be better.”

He felt Roman freeze, tightening his hold for just a second before loosening again to look Virgil in the eyes. “Better?”

“Yeah,” Virgil agreed, not sure why it was a question. “I’m...look, Princey I know I’m a shitty boyfriend and I- I don’t know how long you’re going to put up with it so I’m...trying to change. I can do better. I promise I can do better next time.”

Roman was silent for a long moment, and Virgil expected him to sigh, begrudgingly admit that Virgil was right, he’d just been hoping his frustration wasn’t so obvious, and agree to try another date tomorrow when Virgil got over himself.

Instead Roman tightened his hold, eyes wide and...horrified? “What on earth are you talking about?”

Virgil frowned back at him, panic and uncertainty coiling in his gut because he hadn’t actually thought any of this needed to be explained.

“I know I hold you back,” Virgil said, continuing before Roman could protest. “You love going out and doing things and I know it’s...frustrating that I don’t. You don’t go on quests as much anymore and you're less active because I like to stay in, and I don’t take you out like I should, and I—”

“I don’t go out as much because I’m happy spending time with you,” Roman cut in. “I’d go out if I wanted to, darling. I like staying in with you. Yes, these dates have been wonderful, and I appreciate them. But I’d prefer to do something where both of us are comfortable.”

“But—” Virgil’s breath caught on another sob, and he tightened his hold on the Prince. “But you said I never...I- I thought you were getting bored with me.”

Roman looked confused, but it only lasted a second before realization took over. “Is this...is this because of the fight we had?”

Virgil shrugged, eyes on his lap. “It...wasn’t a fight. You were honest with me and I tried to fix what I was doing wrong.”

“Oh, baby.” Roman’s hands were suddenly cupping his face, tilting his chin up to meet Virgil’s gaze. “That wasn’t me being honest, Virgil. That was me being an asshole because I had a long day and I took it out on you. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t mean any of it.”

Virgil couldn’t see with the way the tears were blurring his vision, but the anxiety that had been relentlessly wrapped around his heart since Roman had lashed out was beginning to unravel.

“Oh,” he said, a little breathless. “I thought...I just wanted this to be perfect for you. I wanted to be good.”

“Neither one of us will ever be perfect.” Roman smiled, wiping away Virgil’s tears with his thumb. “But I love you. I love you so much, Virgil. You’re perfect to me.”

Virgil struggled to breathe around hiccuping sobs still coming from his chest, completely lost because this wasn’t...this was all wrong. “But you...you deserve the best.”

“And I have that. You being comfortable and safe is all I could ever want, Virgil. You’re my world.”

And well...great. Now Virgil was crying in earnest all over again, collapsing into Roman’s chest and letting it all out, melting into his embrace as he once again held him tight.

Roman shushed him gently, rocking them both where they sat, running gentle fingers through Virgil’s hair. “You deserve the best too, Virgil. Please don’t ever put yourself below me.”

“I do have the best,” Virgil said, muffled from where he’d buried his face in Roman’s chest. “If...if you stay.” He quickly pulled back, panic clawing at his throat. “Not- not that you have to stay. You don’t. I’m not...you’re not trapped or anything, I just—”

“I know, Virgil,” Roman said gently, and he relaxed again. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Ok,” Virgil sighed, breaths still shaky, head rested on Roman’s shoulder. “Sorry for ruining dinner.”

“You didn’t,” Roman assured, rubbing gentle circles along the anxious side’s back. “Would you like to go home?”

Virgil probably nodded a bit too fast, but Roman didn’t seem annoyed in the slightest. He just scooped Virgil up bridal style and carried him through the now silent restaurant. Virgil belatedly realized Roman had gotten rid of the rest of the customers.

“I love you,” Virgil whispered, wrapping his arms tight around Roman’s shoulder when the Prince kissed the top of his head. “I’m really sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Roman said, stern but gentle in a way that didn’t send Virgil’s anxiety skyrocketing. “I’m going to take care of you.”

Virgil nodded, too tired to form another response, closing his eyes and letting Roman take them back to his room. For the first time all week, Virgil found himself looking forward to what tomorrow held.

[the-bau-quinjet]

Tolerate It

Summary: Reader struggles with feeling like Hotch is growing distant.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x gn!Reader

Category: fluff/angst

Warnings: the reader has thoughts/feelings of inadequacy

Word Count: 3200+

Notes: This is my entry for @railmereid‘s 2k writing challenge! It was inspired by Taylor Swift’s song tolerate it! I think there’s only one direct quote (I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life). 

You met Aaron on accident. It could be said that a lot of people are met on accident, and that’s just how people meet other people. But with Aaron it felt different. It felt as though every little thing that went wrong that day lead you to the accident that would introduce Aaron Hotchner into your life.

After the shit show that was today, all you want to do is get home and sleep. Maybe also eat dinner, but honestly even food is on the backburner of your mind right now. 

Your drive home from work was the first uneventful thing to happen all day, a necessary moment of peace. You made it into your apartment without any trouble, swiftly moving to change into your fluffiest pajamas and sleep.

The second your head hit your pillow, the fire alarm sounded. The blaring alarm screeched in your ears as you groaned. You forced yourself out of bed to comply with the alarm. Without thinking, you put on your slippers, grabbed your keys, and walked out the front door. 

Once you made it to the street, you turned to see the building really was on fire. It looked contained to one patio, but it was big enough for you to give up your plans of sleep. Instead, you chose to turn on your heel and walk down the street to escape the crowd. 

You didn’t have a plan as to where you were going. You just wanted it to be quiet. Before long, you found yourself in a park. Looking around, you spotted an empty bench. Perfect. You can just sit, enjoy the quiet of the park for however long it takes to fix the fire issue. 

You start trekking toward the bench, now walking with a purpose, when you notice a man chasing his child. The child laughs loudly, joy so clear on his face. The man smiles at him, still running behind him. 

His smile is so infectious, it has its own magnetic force pulling you towards him.  Switching directions from the bench, you are now walking toward the grassy area they are playing in, not looking at your surroundings. You’re so captivated by the happiness on display in front of you, you don’t notice the change in terrain. 

You end up tripping on a rock, falling and tumbling down the slight decline to land in a heap at the feet of the very man whose smile distracted you.

To make matters worse, he was not stationary. No, that would have been to simple. He was, in fact, still chasing the child. So, rather than rolling to a stop and looking up at him, you rolled right into him, causing him to lose his balance and fall over you. 

The two of you were a tangled mess of limbs piled on top of each other. Slowly, carefully the two of you separated, gingerly moving arms and legs to avoid further injury. Helping each other rise from the ground, you were both speechless, equal parts amused and horrified at what just happened. 

“Are you okay?” 

You jumped at the sudden intrusion that brought you back to reality. Spinning around, you realized it was the child. 

It took you an embarrassing amount of time to form a response. “Oh, um... yes I’m okay. Thank you.” Turning back to the man, you finally realized what just happened. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry! Are you okay?”

He chuckled, a small smirk appearing on his face before he replied, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Oh, good.” Your relief was short lived as you realized what you were wearing and how you were dressed. “Please tell me you didn’t see me roll all the way down the hill?” You cringed at the thought. 

“I could say it, but it wouldn’t be very honest.”  Again, a small laugh left his lips. 

“Do you think we could pretend?” You took a deep breath as he quirked his eyebrow. “Ya know, that I didn’t just make a complete fool of myself?”

“But that’s not true! Daddy said when something’s not true it’s a lie and lies are bad.” The boy chimed in again, earning a chuckle from both adults. You bent down to talk to him. 

“You are absolutely right, lying is bad.” You nodded along with him, matching his serious expression. 

He took in your expression, as if judging the sincerity of your statement. Slowly, a smile began to form as if he was glad you agreed with him. “Do you want to play tag with us?”

Looking from him to his father, you took the slight smile and nod of his head as an invitation to accept his offer. “I would love to.”

That series of accidents led you to where you are now, though. A year and a half later you are sitting in your shared home, watching Aaron Hotchner do paperwork for what feels like the millionth night in a row. More realistically, it is the ninth night in a row, but you’re feeling lonely and dramatic. Those nine nights have been spread out over the past month, interrupted by nights he spends away from home.

You yearn to be closer to him. All it would take is for you to cross the room, but it feels as though the distance from the couch you are lounging on to the desk he is working at is too far, like there is some impassible divide preventing you from interrupting him. 

So you just keep watching. It has been 36 minutes since you started your observing. If he sticks to his pattern, he’ll pause in nine minutes to stretch, giving him the opportunity to notice your eyes on him.  You’re hopeful that this time he’ll smile when he sees you. 

So you wait. You watch him read. You notice the way his head dips just a bit lower as he tries to focus tired eyes on the smudged handwriting of a fellow agent. You notice how his hand squeezes the pen tighter than before, turning the once smooth glide of ink across the page into rushed, jagged strokes of letters. You notice the barely there wince as he flips the page, the result of the familiar feeling of a paper cut he’s grown all too used to. You notice everything he does. Which is why you’re not surprised when he speaks. 

“You’re staring.” 

Glancing at your phone, you note the time. Nine minutes later. Right on schedule. The smile you hoped for is noticeably missing, replaced by a curious tilt of his head.

“I’m basking in your presence.” 

If he wanted to, he could figure out how lonely and dramatic you are feeling. But with the majority of his energy still directed towards the many reports on his desk, he only notices the surface level. Tired, slightly miffed, but enjoying that he is home.

There was once a time when he would have noticed it all though. A time when he noticed everything about you, sometimes before you had even noticed it about yourself. You’ve learned how to hide it though, to save him the energy that would be expended to profile you. 

“You should consider a new career path. Comedy could really be for you.”

His deadpan joke doesn’t surprise you, but him rising from his desk chair does. For a minute, you expect him to come to you. To attempt to cross the impassible divide you’ve built in your head. Instead, he turns into the kitchen. He pauses at the island, drinking from the glass he never brings to his desk to prevent anything from ruining his files. 

When he returns to his desk, squandering any lingering hope that he may have been done for the night, you rise. Unwilling to do what you had hoped of him, you turn away from his desk and move toward the stairs. Just before you lose sight of him, you turn back. 

“Don’t forget to sleep tonight.” 

Your tone is soft, emphasizing your concern to cover up the lingering loneliness. 

“I’ll be up soon.”

You respond with a slight nod of your head, another thing unnoticed by Aaron as his eyes never left the files. 

You flitter through the second level as you complete your routine to prepare yourself to sleep for the night. 

You can’t help but notice the cold sheets on the empty side of the bed as you wait for Aaron, knowing you’ll likely be asleep before he comes to bed. 

--

You’re surprised to wake up the next morning with Aaron still in bed next to you. You watch his chest rise and fall with the steady in and out of his breath. His face is fully relaxed, a sight you so rarely get to see. 

You’re not sure how long you watch him sleep, but you notice when his rhythmic breathing changes pattern indicating he’s waking up. His eyes flutter open slowly, allowing you to see the exact moment he notices you. 

“You’re staring again.” 

The smile you are still hoping for is again absent from his face, too used to the frown that has taken over his features near permanently for the past month.  

“I’m still basking in your presence.”

You notice the beginnings of a grin forming on his face. The twinkle in his eyes. The slight twitch of his lips. It’s nearly there when the moment is interrupted by the distinct, shrill ringtone indicating a call from the bureau. 

You watch as he sits up to answer the phone with his typical “Hotchner”. If you hadn’t spent the last year noticing everything you could about the man, you would doubt that he had been asleep less than three minutes ago. 

His brows furrow, his body leaning forward to sit a little straighter as he takes in the information from whoever is on the other end of the phone. His eyes trace the pattern of your comforter, up until he throws the blanket off of himself to rise to his feet. He’s changing into his suit before hanging up. Without even hearing his responses, you can tell where this is headed. 

After he hangs up, you speak before he has the chance. 

“I take it you won’t be here for dinner with my parents tonight? I’ll try to reschedule it.” 

The question should express your loneliness, but you do well to hide the full truth. It’s easy to sound understanding because you are. You do understand, which is why you never plan to tell him how you feel. 

The grim expression is enough for you to know you’re right, you don’t need the verbal confirmation. You nod your head, a smile on your face that doesn’t meet your eyes as he walks out of your bedroom. 

--

While Aaron was away, you did everything you could to keep yourself busy outside of your typical 9 to 5 workday. Aside from the typical reading, cleaning, and TV watching you normally do you; you successfully navigated another conversation with your parents about why it was necessary to reschedule dinner a second time and played action figures with Jack, always in agreement about how his daddy is a hero. 

Every night you found yourself staring at the door, hoping it would swing open and reveal him on the other side. Every night you grew less hopeful and more discouraged than the one previous. 

--

Five days after he left, Aaron returned to your shared home. Despite the late hour, you waited for him on the couch. Knowing he probably hadn’t eaten dinner, you kept some food warm for him. 

When the door swung open, you were in front of it in seconds. You pulled him into a hug, one he was too exhausted to reciprocate, and kissed his cheek. 

Moving farther into the house, he dropped his files on his desk swiftly turning to head upstairs. 

“I kept dinner warm for you.”

Your words stalled him at the bottom of the stairs. He turned around slowly, barely looking at you.

“I actually ate with the team tonight.”

His words hit you like a bus, but you turned to hide it. He didn’t eat with the team often, so you never blamed him when he stayed with them a bit longer than usual. 

“Oh, okay. I’ll just put it in a container for tomorrow then. Did you want to talk about the case?”

You’ve always been willing to help him carry the weight of his job, but you’ve been trying harder to get him to open up this past month. Typically he brushes you off, tells you he’s fine, and then buries himself in paperwork. 

He surprised you this time. Maybe he could tell you were upset, or maybe he was just too far in his head. Either way, rather than continuing on his path up the stairs, he moved to sit in the kitchen while you put the food away. 

You listened as he ranted about the local officers withholding information about the case. You listened as he complained about the poor weather. You listened to every word, slowly washing and drying the dishes until they were sparkling. You listened until you were practically asleep, leaning against the sink. You didn’t dare to interrupt in fear he would shut down again. Or maybe it was you shutting down, but that’s a thought for another time. 

When he finished talking, he rose from his chair, too worked up to sleep now, he sat down at his desk. 

You watched, noticing everything you could. 

--

Your weeks repeated much the same for the next few months. Your loneliness morphed into something new with each night you spent watching Aaron work. 

It’s one such night when everything changes. You were trying to watch him work, but your thoughts drifted away from his actions as you lost yourself in your memories. 

The first case Aaron went on after you moved in with him and Jack was the hardest for you. After a straight week of seeing him so often around the house, it felt like a slap in the face to come home and not have him there. Somehow you made it through, and you were clingier than usual when he came home. 

He noticed how it affected you. That was before you started hiding your feelings from him. He told you he thought about you in every spare moment. That he wanted to solve the case even more than usual just so he could come home to see you even just a few minutes sooner.

He calmed all of your fears, protecting you from your own intrusive thoughts about holding him back when he was working. 

You couldn’t help but think about every time he recognized how you were feeling and did what he could to help. How he would reassure you that he wanted to be with you, bringing you little key chains or stuffed animals from the cities he travelled to. How he would smile when he saw you. Where was that man now? 

You thought back to the first day you met Aaron. It was like he saved you from a terrible day, bringing a smile to your face after hours upon hours of crap. 

“Do you think we could pretend?” You laugh lightly to yourself at the memory of Jack telling you not to lie.  Not realizing you spoke the words out loud, you’re surprised to hear Aaron from across the room.

“Pretend what?” The confusion is clear in his voice and the furrow of his brows. 

“Hmm? Oh, um. I was just thinking about the first day we met.” Tears begin to brim your eyes as you think about how much everything has seemed to change. “And how you became my whole world and now I feel like I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life.” The tears are now freely falling down your face. 

Aaron looks even more confused now. “What?” He’s frozen at his desk, pen in hand, reports on the surface in front of him. 

“I’m so sorry. I just feel like I’m taking up so much of your time and you have such important things to do! God, I’m so selfish. I’ve tried so hard to hide it though, so you can focus on people who actually need your help.” The panic in your voice grows as you speak, along with the tears falling from your eyes. 

“Y/N...” Suddenly, Aaron is on his feet, easily crossing the imaginary divide you’ve built in between the couch and his desk. He slows down, moving gently as he pulls you into him on the couch, moving your legs across his lap so he could pull you into his chest. “Sweetheart, you could never take up too much of my time.” He speaks slowly, so as not to start another round of sobbing. 

“What?” Your confusion is clearly communicated with the one word question, but you’re on a roll with your feelings so why stop now. “Are you saying it’s all in my head? Bu-, but, but you’ve been so busy every time you’ve been home! I’ve barely seen you, and I’ve tried so hard to not let it bother me because I know how important what you do is! I do, I understand it all so much. I could never be mad at you for working so hard. I just feel like you’re tolerating me being here when you have so many more important things to do.” 

Now breathless, your rant ends with more tears forming in your eyes. Aaron is quick to wipe them away as they fall. “You’re right. I have been busy.” His voice is full of concern and regret as he thinks about the past few months. “But please don’t ever doubt for a second that you are the most important thing in the world to me.” He pauses for a second before continuing. “Well, other than Jack.” This earns him a slight chuckle from you before you reply. 

“Jack is the most important to me too.” Your clear your throat, hesitant to voice your next question. “You’re not mad at me?”

Aaron looks so taken aback, you would laugh if you weren’t so nervous. “I could never be mad at you. Especially not for having completely valid feelings. I’m so sorry I haven’t been as present as I should’ve been. I love you so much, Y/N. More than I could ever put into words, and I will be doing a better job of showing you just how much you mean to me from now on.” There’s a slight edge to his voice, as though he’s annoyed with himself for you feeling this way. “Please, don’t ever hide your feelings from me. I never want to lose you.” His own voice is cracking, slight tears in his eyes at the idea of you not being in his life. 

“I promise.” You lean up to kiss him, trying to convey just how much you’ve missed him. 

“Let’s go to bed.” He lifts you up from the couch, carrying you toward the stairs. 

You shriek, clinging to him even more. “It’s only 9:15!” You laugh at his antics. “What about your reports?”

“I have more important things to do right now.” He smirks at you, quickly moving into the bedroom to show you just how much he cares about you. 

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