#I had another idea for this that was significantly more depressing

[avinox]

Can't believe my mother said the infamous "we're all a bit OCD". Girl you've met me and my father and his family. You're nothing next to us

[minihotdog]

Whose Wife Is This?

Pairing: John Price x F!Reader

Summary: John comes home and finds out that he somehow has a wife.

a/n: lmaooo I just had this idea before I went to bed the other night. Kinda wrote this in a hurry so it isn't organized at all and the story is all over the place, yada yada. Bare with me... Bear with me? *shrugs*

word count: 1k

***

John tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes to no avail. There was no way of hiding that the long nights he’d been putting in at the office were weighing on him. But with no reason to go home, why would he? He’d just have to complete the mountain of paperwork the next day anyway. His eyes strained from hours of reading, his wrist ached from writing.

Young John Price would’ve never imagined the amount of paper pushing he’d be doing as an operator. His naive young self lived for the chaos of the field, sometimes even putting off his less-than-exciting duties. 

“Sir?” John’s head shoots up. The boys stand at his door huddled around the small entrance. “You staying here all night, Captain?” Gaz asks with concern mixed into his voice. John looks over to the now significantly smaller pile of papers littering his desk.

“I was just finishing up. You boys need something?”

Gaz shakes his head, “No, sir.” A smirk plays on his lips. “Just tell your wife we said ‘hello’.”

“I’ll let her know.” He replies absentmindedly. The boys leave the captain alone once again, he continues looking at the papers, shuffling them around before he stops abruptly.

“My wife? What the bloody hell were they talking about.” He mutters to himself. He takes it as a sign that he should call it a night since he is now imagining things. “I don’t have a wife. Why would he say that?” 

***

The drive home is silent. At the end of a long day, he couldn’t stand to listen to anything, his mind was too exhausted to think about anything but a beer and his bed. Not many knew about his personal life. Ghost was the only one who knew he’d been married before, but the marriage occurred when he was younger and undoubtedly more immature.

He made it to selection, began his career, and fell into the same pattern many men in his profession did: Partying, one-night stands, etc. He would be the first to admit that he’d been a piss-poor husband and he was now missing the touch of a woman in his life. His bed was lonely, his house devoid of life, reflecting how often he was actually home. He’d become a hopeless romantic, dreaming of someone he could hold in his arms. He yearned for someone to memorize. Their little habits and quirks, someone he’d share moments with, even have arguments with.

He pulls into his driveway barely remembering the drive home. He groans as he steps out of his car, his back aching from the day of training and being hunched over. He moseys his way to the front door and unlocks it while letting out a deep breath. The hallway is lit by a single dim light, the brown floral wallpaper looks like it came from the 19th century and gives the home a depressing look. He unties his boots and kicks them off leaving them next to the door. He removes his uniform top tossing it on the chair on the opposite wall before his feet pat softly against the hardwood floors leading towards the kitchen, towards a beer he so badly wanted to have.

He briefly glances at a photo framed on the wall and continues onward-

Wait a second?

He takes a couple of steps back and his head snaps towards the photo. His eyes scan it knowing for a fact that it had not been there in the morning… Or any time before that. A woman in a white sun dress sat smiling in a field of flowers. He rubs his eyes, unable to believe what he is seeing, she’s wearing his bucket hat.

He looks further down the hall and sees another picture frame, this one on top of the entryway table next to a pot of plants he either forgot to water or wasn’t around to. He rushes over to it and his eyes almost pop out of his head. This photo was of him smiling down at the same woman. He reaches for it, holding it close to his face. He looks around trying to make sense of what was happening only to realize the pot of dead plants now had vibrant green leaves pouring out of it.

Maybe he’d entered the wrong house? That couldn’t be, the furniture was in the same place as it had been before. And he couldn’t deny that the man in the photo looked exactly like him. Just as he was certain he was losing his mind a feminine voice calls out for him.

“John?”

He puts the picture frame back on the table and swings around towards the voice. Small bits of light flood into the hallway from the crack in the kitchen door. He slowly pushes the door further, his eyes trying to adjust to the bright light.

“There you are! I thought I heard you come home.” A woman rushes towards him wiping her hands on her pink apron. She pulls him into a hug but he’s too stunned to react. She pecks his cheeks and pulls him towards the dining table. “Sit, honey. I made you dinner. You stayed so late today, you’re probably starving.”

He lets her drag him to the table and plops down on a chair. She flows around the counter and returns with a plate of food. She places it in front of him in between the cutlery already on the table. The meal looks far better than what he’s been putting together for himself the last few weeks. He usually cooked or meal planned but work this week just didn’t let him and he expected to come home tonight and sleep for dinner.

He blinks at her for a few seconds unsure of how he ended up in this situation.

“Love, what are you doing in my house?” 

“I’m your wife silly,” You giggle at him while leaning over to give him another kiss on the cheek.

If he had the energy to argue he would, but instead he decided to eat. He licks the plate clean and brings it to the kitchen sink.

“C’mon, honey. You’re so tired, let’s get you in bed.”

He follows quietly trying to figure out if he should accept this or if he should ask questions in the morning. There’s only one thing he knows for sure in his exhausted state: That’s not his wife.

[missycolorful]

Chayanne is, put in the simplest of terms, a lot like his father, q!Philza. And one of their shared traits, unfortunately, is that they struggle with processing their emotions. Chayanne has stated before that he's not great at talking about his feelings. Whereas Tallulah has no problem opening up about what she's going through.

Chayanne doesn't feel comfortable doing so. He hasn't openly talked about this sad, depressing feeling that losing q!Tubbo has caused. It's more so shown in the way he clings to q!Missa's bed (aka the father with quite a bit more emotional intelligence), the way he sat around a lot today, not really expressing much excitement. And he's also not being open about it because he's probably afraid to. Given all his family is going through--all the trauma, all the danger, everything--he doesn't want to pile more onto their plate. This line of thinking is wrong, of course, but he's a kid, he's not aware of that. So he keeps it all locked inside, because he doesn't know what to do with it otherwise.

And in turn, Phil isn't all that great at reading people's emotions, their body language, et cetra. It takes a direct approach to get him to realize something's wrong. He greatly benefits from Tallulah being so open with him. And when Chayanne and Tallulah had a big argument, which sparked after a long period of issues they were both going through internally, he stated that he had no idea what they were going through, and that he felt awful for not seeing it. Once he saw things clearly, he set out to do what he could to help mend things.

But that's only because he was able to see/hear the problem before his very eyes. If someone doesn't say what they're feeling to his face, Phil will likely have a hard time seeing it. Maybe he'll see signs, but it won't click for him just how serious it is. If Chayanne isn't comfortable with talking about feeling depressed over losing Tubbo, Phil is going to struggle with putting the pieces together in order to try and comfort his son. They won't be able to work things out, and come together during a rough time in their lives.

Given the way they both struggle to process emotions and feelings, with Chayanne who isn't good at talking about his feelings, and with Philza who isn't great at reading people's feelings unless they're direct about it, these issues clash significantly. It causes the conflict to prolong itself. It causes feelings to build up, to not to be let out.

But this doesn't mean this family doesn't care for and love one another. This doesn't Philza doesn't care. This doesn't mean he's a bad person. This doesn't mean either of them are bad or in the wrong or anything. This is just a family going through a lot, and having a difficult time coming together during it because there's this clash in how they handle their trauma/emotions.

It also literally just means communication is the key to resolving things. But these internal obstacles they endure get in the way of them coming to that solution with ease. Communication may only come if Phil finally catches onto one of the signs, or if Chayanne finally lets it all out, or maybe there's an outside force that brings it to light. But as I said, it has happened before, so it will happen again in time. Because this family loves each other so damn much, and they would do anything for each other. They'll get there :)

[weebsinstash]

Atsv Spoilers (not really or kinda depends on opinion I guess? Better safe then sorry) Just thinking about Spider Reader with the destroyed universe getting fucked over by YouTwo and snapping back with "Then just send me home!" and then the Go Home Machine failing cause there is no universe to send them back to. Miguel being horrified that he's made such a terrible mistake, Reader staring at Miguel with absolute hatred in their eyes so caught up in the euphoria of justified rage they don't realize that they've effectively trapped themselves in a neat container for safe keeping.

No but deadass I spent my entire overnight shift last night just like, literally brainstorming different and horrible ways Reader could be "kicked out" and one idea I thought of was, Reader gets confronted and accused of being YouTwo, and YT themself is there to help pour on the tears and treat you like such a nasty awful bully and make up all kinds of accusations and also just different little ideas on things the SS does to make Reader spiral into WANTING to leave (like for example what if Reader and Miguel have a big argument because you were there during like the second movie and you're like "O'Hara what you said to that kid was genuinely so fucked up" and start avoiding him which drives him crazy, more so than you usually make him by just existing anyways

Imagine if instead of using the machine to send you home, YouTwo just strides up and basically suckerpunches you and steals your bracelet right off your wrist, saying you can just glitch out and go home that way (because YT is literally trying to fucking kill you at this point)

You're just glitching and you're crying and SCREAMING in terror, because even if you've been so depressed you were contemplating suicide, ideation is different than HAPPENING RIGHT NOW, and NOW you don't have a choice, and you're getting hysterical BEGGING "I'll go somewhere else and never come back! Don't do this! Don't take my bracelet! I'll die!! I'll die!!" And most of them don't believe you because they're convinced this is another manipulation attempt by the person they THINK you are and they don't want to give you the bracelet because they don't want "fake you" to come back

Some of them, though, realize you're just a bit TOO upset, and that maybe something really IS wrong. You start looking at people and calling them out by name, trying to recall specific events and memories, but many are convinced that "you" were so devoted on spying and copying "the real you" that you must have had them bugged or stalking them and just overheard these moments. They're all so tricked that maybe YouTwo even claims they had a diary that you stole, and that's how you know everything

These are people you've spent months and months if not a few YEARS with, being their friend, training with them, fighting alongside them, helping them through grief and loss, and suddenly you realize, oh my fucking god if you weren't a Spider and they didn't think you still had a home universe to protect, still had a home universe that would collapse without you, would they actually fucking kill you? Like imagine the horror at realizing the unspoken threat and knowing they WANT to kill you or significantly harm you, that they WOULD kill over something like this, over what is essentially just... personal beefing? Idk but, I was also thinking, what if YouTwo had actually sabotaged the elevator project from the other idea I had, so, maybe they've been up to all kinds of dangerous shit

(As a side bar, imagine Miguel investigating the accident bc he thinks the whole like suddenly falling apart thing was very sus and maybe there had been an explosion and upon investigating he learns "you" planted bombs and he like. Gently confronts you about it like "I know you've been stressed and feeling like you need to prove yourself but you can't do things like this" and you're just like. Goddamn that hurts for him to just not even, doubt it was you, maybe YT has created some sort of alibi. He doesn't like, punish you or anything, but, you just kind of blow up at the accusation and I think it'd be pretty entertaining if you're like, "ok you know what, fuck you actually, I'm going to go live in the normal part of the city" and he doesn't even, take that seriously, he just sort of acts like you're throwing a tantrum but he's like, clearly not wanting to punish you even though he's obviously disappointed in you, for something you didn't even do, ouch)

But anyways, so, I've thought about how Reader would get the bracelet back, and it's ranged from "Reader saying something only the true you would know, something that was private or no one else would know about but you and certain witnesses" to "Reader has a food allergy certain people know about but YouTwo doesn't so you just say 'ok bitch watch me prove this shit and also fuck you' and you deliberately eat the thing and go into straight anaphylactic shock out of spite"

YouTwo fakes an allergy attack and says you poisoned them and you're just like "oh you wanna see a REAL allergic reaction bitch" *starts seizing after licking an almond joy*

But no anyways back to more serious ideas, you're just, starting to glitch out more and more, screaming and begging "don't kill me!" and Miguel is starting to wonder if maybe he should just give the bracelet back, he's got an, uncomfortable feeling, and A Lot of Spidey Senses start going off and you're freaking out because you literally think you're about to die (although for closure I like to think you just, bounce somewhere else, and you'll maybe keep bouncing before you find another sort of anchor, and also for spite of course i like to think of that anchor being another Miguel, like either you naturally "settle" there or he gets you a dimensional watch)

And my preferred preference of routes here varies. "YouTwo exposes themself on accident by saying some dumb shit" to "you say something only you would know, something like extremely personal, like maybe you even stalk up to Miguel and bring up something he said to you about losing his family and like, how you respected him for going through all that and how you were glad he was the society's/your leader and he barely gets that bracelet on before you vanish" to "asking YouTwo to prove theyre you by answering certain questions" to "they realize youre telling the truth but literally JUST as theyre about to put the watch back on, you vanish" to, finally, "you cant prove your innocence fast enough and they genuinely do just let you fucking disappear on purpose but instead of dying you just go somewhere else until you meet a different Miguel who rescues you and now you're like hardcore trauma bonded to that man because you were just bouncing around terrified until you found him and he's just like insanely protective of you and you're just kind of, glued to his side bc you only feel safe when he's there to protect you, because you're scared of, everyone at this point, like totally traumatized by what happened and also if you're with him 24/7 you can't be swapped out and he won't think you're a fake and try to kill you right?? Ha ha you aren't traumatized at all :) and it just makes your hero all the more, attached to hear all that you went through, from the beginning, and see what it did to you, and it 'definitely' isnt feeding into any extremely intense feeling of his that you WANT to be with him 24/7"

Ok actually that concept is about to highjack this post, I need to swing back to that later bc there's some real potential in, like, Reader being like so extremely fucked up over what happened that it immediately thrusts you into the arms of another terrible situation. Like you just got straight betrayed and "murdered" by all of your friends, like basically your entire social community, and Miguel2 is now the only one you can trust, and meanwhile he feels genuine empathy for you and is angry at the people who hurt you and he just kind of vows to protect you, and, I like to think, maybe Reader has time before they glitch between worlds (unless you just, magically settle again like you did in the other Nueva York, maybe you're a mutant or your destiny is tied to Nueva York or at least staying alive.) so maybe he literally develops the tech to anchor you down within like, the days you have there, maybe it's a 3 day time limit. So, now you've got just him and you, no Spider Society, no original Miguel, and maybe you just kind of totally fall in love with this dude, but of course Miguel 1 is obviously horrified by what he did to you when he somehow finds out you're still alive. Like an anomaly villain breaks into your new home and, oh great here are some of your old friends and your ex, um, boss showing up and he's just, speechless when it becomes obvious youre the same one. Like imagine you tried to not even speak to them and avoid them to try and keep your new life but youre so obviously scared of them and you accidentally look in your original Miguel's eyes and he knows immediately it's you. Bruh his PAIN AND REGRET when he steps forward to try and embrace you in relief and joy bc oh my god you aren't dead, and you just flinch away from him, maybe you even cling to the new Miguel, and the original just. He's ready to fucking fight. He wants you back, he wants to apologize, he wants to be able to make things up to you and go back to how things used to be, especially if he has feelings he had wanted to act on, whether being more romantic or just more platonically affectionate in general, more open and vulnerable with you, but never got to before the YouTwo wrecking ball came swinging through

But yeah I'm just. Thinking of dramatic painful ideas and grinding them up and snorting them like crack. I think it's the whole "you burned me and now you're groveling for my forgiveness" that does it for me 🤌

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

Let’s get more S/Os getting there pelvis crushed during seggs

Featuring wa2000, Springfield, Spas-12, M4a1, Ar-15 and m-16

(GFL) WA2000, Springfield, SPAS-12, M4A1, ST AR-15, and M16A1's S/O's pelvis getting crushed

POV: You told the Commander the reason for your injury

Also should go without saying but,

NSF-W BELOW THE CUT!

WA is about ready to explode from the sheer embarrassment and anger she felt.

She was a weapon, damn it! Of course this would be a terrible idea!

WA almost bursts into tears apologizing before S/O comforts her.

(WA2000) "I-I'm so sorry. I should've known that-"

(S/O) "H-Hey...It's okay. I...think it was worth it."

...

(WA2000) "A BROKEN PELVIS ISN'T WORTH IT YOU DUMMKOPF!"

She does not report this...incident to the Commander, instead just bringing S/O to Medical, saying that it was just a work accident after helping move something.

(WA2000) "M-My face is red? Hmph, that's because I had to drag this idiot all the way down here. Just help them get better....Please."

The Commander still finds out when one of the T-Dolls on base connects the dots.

Springfield immediately helps S/O out by easing the pain with a medical kit, looking genuinely sorry.

(Springfield) "My apologies, S/O...I think I got carried away..."

(S/O) "O-Ow...y-yeah, I think I'd say so...it was kinda hot though..."

She had half a mind to slap S/O for saying such a thing and yet...that was good to know.

After helping them to medical, she reports to the Commander personally, looking the most serious she ever has been outside the battlefield.

(Springfield) "Commander, S/O is currently in medical bay and might be unavailable for a few days..."

(Commander) "What happened? And...why are you blushing?"

(Springfield) "W-Why?...Ahem. Before I tell you, I will let you know beforehand that I will accept any disciplinary action that will come of me doing so."

Author's note: It's time for another T-DOLL FUN FACT! TDFF 5: T-Dolls that use Shotguns/Machine Guns are significantly heavier than the ones who use Rifles, Handguns, etc. In other words, having SPAS on top of you is a BAD idea to begin with.

SPAS is stuttering and panicking, looking left and right.

(SPAS-12) "Oh god oh god oh god! I'm SOOO sorry! Um....! I'll get some help, one second!"

(S/O) "S...SPAS...clothes..."

(SPAS-12) "Huh...? AH!"

Her cheeks become as crimson as her eyes as she looks down and realizes there was nothing covering her up. She quickly puts on clothes and rushes out the door to find a medic.

After getting S/O the help they desperately needed, she reports to the Commander, her fingers twiddling.

(SPAS-12) "Um...S-S/O got hurt because of me."

(Commander) "Oh, SPAS..."

They said sympathetically.

(Commander) "They probably know you didn't mean to. Now, what happened? I'm sure we can clear up any misunderstanding."

(SPAS-12) "...U-Uhhhh..."

M4 feels absolutely terrible, she's about ready to cry when she realizes she hurt them.

She can't even look them in the eye as she tries to patch them up.

(S/O) "M-M4..."

She hesitates to look at them before her depressed mood suddenly vanishes, seeing their smile. They said nothing, giving only a thumbs up.

Now her depression was replaced with utter confusion. They...liked this?!

(M4A1) "...I-I don't understand...!"

After getting them to medical, she sees M16, who immediately recognizes her mood.

(M16A1) "H-Hey, what's wrong?"

(M4A1) "S/O is hurt...because of me..."

M16 brings her into a hug.

(M16A1) "Hey, listen...Don't beat yourself because of it-"

(M4A1) "E-Erm...it's not exactly what you're thinking."

M16 took a step back, and examined M4A1.

She had disheveled hair, her clothes were hastily thrown on, and she was completely re-

(M16A1) "...Are those hickies?"

A fire lights up in M16's eyes as she rolls up her sleeves and cracks her robotic knuckles.

(M16A1) "I'm going to have a word with them. Medbay, right?"

(M4A1) "N-NO! IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!...I-I mean, it is but-"

(M16A1) "I'M GONNA KILL THEM!"

STAR's jaw drops, and not because she felt good, it's because she felt too good.

Her eyes scan S/O's body and realizes their lower half has fracture damage, making her get off and immediately tend to them without missing a beat.

Before she can put her clothes on to get help after stabilizing S/O, she feels their hand reach for her arm.

(S/O) "Don't beat yourself up, please...-"

(ST AR-15) "I hurt you, S/O. How could I...?!-"

(S/O) "N-No...I'd do it again. It was...so worth it..."

(ST AR-15) "...What?"

She blinks twice at them to make sure she's not misheard S/O. Once she confirms she makes several noises that S/O couldn't decipher was a swear, a question, an internal scream let loose, or some combination of all of three.

Deciding to leave before her mind could scramble any further, she reports to the Commander.

(Commander) "...STAR, you're red hot! What happened?"

(ST AR-15) "...Ahem...Not...Nothing you'd be proud of. Or anything I would be, for that matter..."

(M16A1) "H-Hey, you alright?"

(S/O) "M16...T-The mind is willing, but the body is broken..."

(M16A1) "Hah, c-come on! I'm not nearly satisfied-...Oh god you weren't joking."

She immediately hops off and rushes to patch them up. Looking left and right, she swallows her pride and calls for M4A1.

(M4A1's Voice) "M16? What's wrong?"

(M16A1) "C-Come to S/O's room. I'll explain in an encrypted channel!"

(M4A1's Voice) "Encrypted-What?!"

M16A1's eyes flashed a few colors.

(M4A1's Voice) "...Oh my god-"

(M16A1) "Please, I'm begging you! I swear I won't even drink for a week!"

(M4A1's Voice) "Coming..."

M4A1 heard M16 and S/O snicker.

(M4A1's Voice) "I'm going to hit both of you."

She hung up and M16 gave S/O a kiss on the cheek.

(S/O) "N-Next time...be a little more gentle alright?"

(M16A1) "U-Uh...right. Heh heh....eh...."

Her laughter trails off into nothing as she awkwardly looks away and goes to the Commander's office. Before entering, she gulps down all of her whiskey.

She was going to need the alcohol for reporting this.

[anxious-witch]

What a year, huh? We all know I have to be emotional on tumblr.com whenever the opportunity arises because that's one way I allow myself to have an emotional catharsis (for legal reasons this a joke)

In all seriousness though, this year has been a lot for me. Both in a good and bad sense, but Käärijä and Joker Out improved it significantly. And more importantly, their fandoms. (More inder the cut bc this is long af)

I have never really been someone who knows anything about the artists' whose music I listened to. Before this, I don't think I ever listened to a full album of someone, just random songs that I liked. Finding stuff from personal life of bands/musicians I liked usually made me depressed so I didn't bother.

Then, ESC 2023. happened. I frankly have no idea what flipped the switch in my head. Bojere interactions? The way people on tumblr were so welcoming even back when I was mostly posting about Let 3 and Käärijä only? I don't know, I only know that we are here now, regardless.

Another thing about me is that I used to be very pessimistic person. Likez genuinely. I have been "unofficially"(long story) diagnosed with depression and anxiety since I was 11, which is over a decade now. I always had a lot of bad experiences with people and really awful trust issues. I have been doing better for some time now, but it is very hard to let go of the feeling of pessimism and helplessness. In a world where awful things happen every second, what can I possibly do that would change anything?

Then ESC happened. Käärijä lost and I thought "another injustice that will never be corrected". Except, instead of feeling defeated, everyone just loved him more. In those weeks after and later on months, all I have seen had been unrelenting love and acceptance of Jere. Reminding him that despite not winning Eurovision, he is our winner and we'll forever think of him as such. Jere who has a wonderfully belly and strong thighs and is short and by no means is he conventional in any sense. And people loved him not despite all that but because all that. Because we all found ways to relate to him, or to what he went through.

His story of almost dying and still getting where he did only served to highlight that more. Because of he did it, why can't we get to what we want? Why can't I? It shifted my whole perspective.

Then, Joker Out. It is so, so funny to me how I barely paid any attention to them during ESC, except for bojere interactions and was dragged in it by the shared fandom, when now I post most about them.

But yes, JO. A band from Slovenia that while tehnically isn't Balkan, felt so close to me. Like they could understand all the things I kept to myself because of where I was. And then they showed me there is still hope.

I have never seen a band from around here take a pride flag on the stage. Never. I know it's a thing, especially abroad, but God I have never seen that happen here. And with how much love they always took it! That's...wow. It gave me hope that not only is it possible for injustices to be corrected, but that ot's possible to do it even in the environment I'm in.

And then...the Virtual Letters Project happened. Or well positive confessions that @spockowhales turned into Virtual Letters Project.

That's when I knew it's truly possible. I have seen tumblr posts, yes. But getting stuff so directly addressed about or to JO made me realize how much of a "wave" they all created. So many people said they helped them with their depression, with viewing their world differentky with meeting new peoplez with daring to do something new.

I have no words to describe how much that meant to me and I really hope that when they read those letters, they understood the impact they had.

But even that aside, I want to thank everyone in this fandom. People I have talked to, people I have interacted with it any way, through replies, reblogs, likes, anon asks. I appreciate every single one of you for helping create such a wonderful space. We had our ups and downs in the fandom, but we are all here because we love these fandoms, these people so much to keep talking about it even months after.

Thank you and I wish everyone here a wonderful New Year with even more laugh, love and positivity ❤️ have a good one

[quaranmine]

Art Symbolism in The Incandescence of a Dying Light

Okay, I want to talk about art symbolism in Firewatch AU tonight, so I can finally add this post to the masterpost. This is something I did accidentally at first, and then on purpose later when I realized how perfectly I set it up. It's a happy accident that I ran with. I wish I'd incorporated it more clearly throughout, but as it stands it's a nice little small detail.

Visual art is used throughout the story as symbol of healing and recovery. I think I can speak for most of my fellow artists/writers/etc that not only is our art an important part of our lives, but it helps us process things. I know it's that way for me. Tracking the mentions of art throughout the story paints a picture (lol) of Grian's journey.

Specifically, the very first moment we're introduced to Grian, he's drawing.

He's doing this as part of his job, but it's implied in this scene that he's not drafting anything technical and is just coming up with exteriors. He enjoys the drawing. But significantly, this is a scene before Mumbo disappears. It's a snapshot of the before, a snapshot of normal.

The next time art gets brough up is in chapter four, when Grian learns for the first time that Scar is an artist (while having his breakdown about Mumbo.)

He says, I used to draw. This is an intentional revealing of Grian's mental health in the AU, because depression will literally steal away all your creativity and desire to engage in things you love. I know that from experience, and I'm sure many readers do too. Grian used to draw, but now he doesn't. He used to be an architect--a career he loved--but now he isn't. That's all a mark of his past, which is a person he doesn't feel like he is anymore.

But once we get to chapter eight, after a few weeks of getting closer to Scar and chipping away at finding Mumbo we get:

Scar asks Grian to draw something for him, and Grian actually does it. He picks up the pencil again. This is also when we start to dip into Scar's backstory, because this leads into Grian asking Scar why he's an artist. Scar picked up the hobby after his accident, as something to help him. He stuck with it. (Scar also offers to mail Grian a painting here, an idea that gets "satisfied" in the last paragraph of the story.)

But really it's just...the act of picking up a pencil here that does it for Grian. It's an indication that he's already in a slightly different mindset than he's been in for the past year. He's not healed yet. But he's tangibly in a different place than he was before he met Scar. He's not only willing to try and draw something again, but also listen to a friend's suggestion (after famously ignoring his other friends for months in an attempt at self-destruction.)

It's not a perfect drawing. He throws the first attempt away. But he actually tried again!

Then in chapter twelve we get more art related things, starting with Grian getting to see more of Scar's paintings. We also get another mention from Scar about how picking up art helped him:

For Scar, art is a big part of his identity now. It's a passion he's held for years, and it was something that he could fall back on to help process his trauma and grief. He has insecurities about his art (he's not all confidence all the time) but it is something that he finds important. He finds it important enough to recognize that it would benefit Grian, too.

Then, of course, we have Grian giving Scar the picture of his lookout that he drew in chapter eight. I just knew I had to fit it into the last chapter somehow, to bring it full circle. It's sort of a physical thank you.

It's not just a drawing Grian is giving him. It's the first thing he drew again after months of motivation went down the drain from grief and depression. It's the physical signfier that Scar had a huge impact on his life. It's the proof that maybe Grian can salvage this. He's not going to be his old self. But he doesn't have to abandon everything. He can keep engaging in art. He can get his career back. He can draw a new life for himself.

[alexanders-pokemon-adventure]

A little rain in every life must fall

****Trigger warning, themes of depression, suicide and death****

-Professor Abigail Apricot

The six were here. Professor Apricot had not known three of the persons depicted on the five of wands personally but knew of them. Rai( @ranger-rai )and Lynn( @mod-ellisa-and-lynn )are Rangers of note she’d heard of in passing even before Alex knew them and Ellisa… Ellisa( @adventures-on-foster-island )did good work Professor Apricot thought on that island she ran. She appreciated that they dropped everything to come. Apricot hoped that with the six here those Sera had conjured on the cards would make the difference. Derek , Alexandria( @alex-ishvan ), Sera ,Rai , Lynn and Ellisa gathered with her in Alexander’s hospital room. As time was running out.

Pleasantries were surprisingly quick with the assembled group apricot found. They were all friendly but wonted to get to the point of their assembly quickly. Alex was dying she told them , that had not surprised any of them, and they had all been paying attention to Alexander’s condition. What they didn’t know it was Alexander’s Advance Medical Directive was reaching its conclusion. Even with Alexander’s families legal aid in extending the deadline. Alexander’s wishes have been extremely clear.

“In the event of a non-medically induced coma ,I am to be allowed one month to recover if not, life-support is to be removed and my life allowed to end.” Was dictated to us and Alexander’s family. With their help, we had pushed back the deadline almost another month. The hospital was beginning to fight us now. And the truth was we didn’t think we could win another court case to extend the deadline. Not with how Alexander continue to worsen , withering day by day…

Derek was the one to cut in “so it’s now or never there isn’t anything more we can do to prepare there isn’t more research we can draw on the plan we have been preparing for either work or won’t , what we do today is it.”

There was a little protest from Ellisa “ even if whatever we do doesn’t work. What if it has a positivei mpact what if Alex shows improvement after we do whatever you’ve planned .do you think the hospital with an extended deadline again?” She asked

“no” was all apricot, could say coldly for a long moment,” I don’t think anything beyond Alexander waking up will change things. We’ve already extended the deadline significantly beyond Alexander’s wishes. the hospital does have the legal argument that we already significantly defied Alexander’s wishes” Lynn rested, and arm over Ellisa shoulders “ then whatever we do will make sure it work” something like Grimm determination in his voice.

“so what’s the plan?” Rai ask sharing Lynn’s determined tone “ with all of us here I doubt we could fail” a room lighting grin on his face.

So apricot explained that Alexander was a conductor of energies from what she could tell all “living” energies were something Alexander could conduct,refine and utilize in a myriad of ways. But Alexander had foolishly attempted to better understand what was troubling their Castform after the Shadow Storm by taking in some of the same energy that poison them, and ended up here.

Shadow-type energy was formed from trauma and trauma, is something better fought with others. Alexander generally use their gift to take in the power of Pokémon to strengthen themselves or others, but their was a kind of energy humans generated as well entirely unique to the species. Professor Apricot handed each of the gathered assembly a yellow pendant.

“ these are modified EXP shares” Apricot explained “ human beings, generate a type of energy that some Pokémon used to evolve. The EXP share I have given you have been altered to transfer that energy in a way normal human being can’t on their own”

“ friendship ?” Rai asked “ exactly” Apricot answered “ we are working off the idea that the shadow type energy in Alexander’s body works much like trauma, and the best way to treat traumas is with a support network, with love , with “

Alexandria was the one to cut her off “with friendship” she spoke

“Yes but that’s only half ,Sera could you?” Professor Apricot gesturing for Sera to continue the explanation.

“It wont just be us” Sera said “l’m … I’m going to uses us as lightning rods”

“I beg your pardon”Ellisa said incredulously

“I’m sorry not literally, I’m a mystic and I’m going to uses us as beacons to call other to help. Do any of you know what the sympathetic magic is?” She asked . Apricot knew much of the more esoteric aspects of Sera’s abilities went over peoples heads .The lack of an answer from any of the three told her the answer was no.

Sera sighed “ people ,places, objects ,intentions are all connected in a sense. Chords of a guitar resonate with others, like calls to like ,as above so below, etc. etc. We’re all Alexander’s friends. We all want to help Alex , we’re all here.” apricot watched Sara gesture to the crowd.” those qualities and intentions are things I can use to call others with similar intentions those who would want to help and give, whatever strength and power they can , I think with six of us here, seven counting, the professor we’ll cast a large net”

Professor Apricot finished “We think with enough of us will be able to either neutralize, cast out or wake Alex to expel the shadow-type energy killing them themself. We aren’t 100% certain what’s going to happen during the process but it’s the best shot we have” the Professor looked away ,a part of Apricot felt a little ridiculous, explaining their plan. It felt as a wishy-washy as it sounded to her. But it truly was all they had “ are you all ok with our plan, will you help us ?”

When the professor looked up, she did not see the doubtful looks she expected, she saw three determined adults, that had not been deterred.

“ of course we will “ Rai spoke “ When do we begin?” Lynn asked

Something like Hope was beginning to grow in Professor Abigail Apricots chest

“Sera?”

“ on my end, I can be ready in two hours” Sera answered

“ two hours then everyone” Prof Apricot

-Sera Figga

It was her turn Sera thought to herself. Sera was a ESPer , most people generally understood what that was and what it meant even without knowing the scoop of what see could do, apparently it even ran in her father’s side of her family but Few understood her other half . Being a Mystic openly was always a gamble , so many people claimed to be “Mystics” in the age of the internet that such titles were more aesthetics than actual indicators of ability. It didn’t help even before the title became an aesthetic mystics that weren’t religious figures were often feared or looked down on in the past. It made admitting to Ellisa, Lynn , Rai and to a lesser extent Alexandria difficult. It would not have been the first time she had been ridiculed and mocked for suggesting magic as an answer, let alone being real. She had been pleasantly surprised by their nonchalant acceptance, of her part of the plan.

So Sera got to work. Reached into that part of herself that roared in her chest and sang the song of the world. The magic in her she found was not like her psychic powers. The Psionics she wielded were as best as she could describe pliable , easy ,one could even say willing to comply with her at a moments notice, but magic … raged. It almost felt to Sera as if it wasn’t part of her , it needed constant supervision when in use, or would run amok, butt when Sera bore down on it like she did now she did not truly know what her limit would be. Of course, she had reached the bottom of her well of power before, but in application she had yet to find her walls. Sera knew they watch her in silence as she began her working. From the sounds of quiet and gasps she knew they felt it. Sympathetic magic called on connections and similarities and she now use each of those here as the archetypes on which she drew from.

Alexander’s friends /People who cared for Alexander/Those with strength to give to Alexander /Those determined to help Alexander

Like calls to like ,as above so below ,an invitation sent out.

“Sera” Apricot spoke with mild alarm in her voice” are we starting?” She ask Sera

“Yes.” Sera spoke in voice the hummed like a tuning fork. Sera heard a slight shuffling footsteps, and a distinct click. The pendant Professor apricot gave her began to glow. All of the pendants begin to glow and though Sera felt distant as her spell wove into being she knew they all Glowed.

Sera and the assemble group had circled Alexander’s bed . Alex had become so thin and in this room Sera thought that some of the color had been leached from their skin but she couldn’t worry about that now. Power was building in this room. Sera couldn’t tell what the other were experiencing and in truth, she wasn’t certain why they each glow different colors but an almost tangible pressure was forming in the air .She felt them combing before she understood what was happening. The invitation she had sent out was answered ,strength like lightning ran through her from familiar sources, her family. Sera’s sister, and father, and even her mother adding strength to this working, for Alex. By the way, Ellisa and Lynn gripped onto each other how Rai gridded his teeth and the others braced them self she knew something similar was happening to each of them as power built on power. Sera had wondered to herself how much they could each take before they would need to release it.

Professor apricot answered, that question for her “NOW !” Professor apricot screamed”NOW SERA DO IT NOW !!” Apricot was gripping her chest Sera thought she looked like she might explode. More were coming Sera knew it, but doubt if any of them can hold much more so in a final grappling move a part of Sera reached out into the world and leading them all down with her. Into the nothing.

Light. They had become light Sera though . Pure light pouring into Alexander ,in to the vast empty. Though Sera could not sense the others thoughts like she could the last time she ventured into the nothingness that had subsumed Alexander she did feel them . Feel the them and all the stars that race down with them all for Alexander. Sera felt them all become so united in their goal to save them , so ductile to each other that distinctions were becoming meaningless. They were wholly blazing light ,here to cast away the darkness. they were here to bring Alexander home, and nothing would stop them, not the void they plunge through and not the adamant black they shattered through to reach them.

They drifted to the rooftop of the Starlight Tower.

Alexander was where Sera had left them. They were younger here on the ledge of the starlight tower lit by the city skyline. They saw Alexander’s hollow gaze fall on them. Did they recognize us? Did they know we were here to help them? Sara thought before she noticed the shadow was still there ,now standing behind them. The shadow did not attack Sera this time. It only waited behind Alexander and watched. A part of Sera writhed uncomfortably at the knowledge that the others saw what she did here. Alex had always been an intensely private person with such matters, but with how dire things had become she hadn’t see any other opptions. Sera hope the others would use discretion when they brought Alex back. In a voice that was all of them and a thing all it own they spoke

“Alex” they called to them, the sound rolling and reverberating through the place that wasn’t place. Alexander didn’t react “ Alex it’s us “ they spoke again reaching form them. To bring Alex home… but something stopped them. It wasn’t the Shadow it still only stood and watched beside Alexander . What stop them came from inside . Sera found it … odd. Some thing told her ,told them all that if they tried to bring Alexander back themselves it be for nothing. Sara didn’t know what that meant. Only that it was true. Felt it deep in her bones. So is one they reached out their hand again, open and inviting.

”Alex, let’s go home you don’t have to stay here anymore.You’re past this.” Alex didn’t react.

Again they spoke “this place” they just gestured around them “it isn’t real you’re not here anymore. It’s OK take my hand and we’ll go home.” A scared part of Sera remembered what this had felt like in the waking world to find Alexander. Alexander had sent Sera a text that had scared her.

“You’re my best friend in the world Sera. I just wanna make sure you know that.”From Alex.

There have been some thing about her interactions with them the days prior had them running out the door across the city to find them. Sera had never stretched her mind across such a large space before, but she did then. She found themand she saved of them. She saved them before Sara thought, stopping down the fear.

“Alex” they called again. There was a thundering sound that rocked the unreal place they stood in. A loud rhythmic beat shook the world. Alarm rise in all of them, what was happening ,what was that noise? The skyline that had lit this world went out and something like pain ran through all of them. The thundering beat was getting quieter ,the fence that Alex clung to disappeared, the starlight tower was gone. Was it getting darker Sera thought. What is this world coming apart? Whatever was happening none of them thought was good with urgency again they reached out to Alexander”ALEX take our hand!!”. a distinct hiss of laughter wrapped around them as the world grew darker. The shadow laced it fingers around Alexander’s head and laughed.“ Alex, please take our hand and we’ll go.” They were all cut off as Alex’s hollow eyes shut.

Sera was on the floor, she knew her nose was bleeding from the warm wet dribbling, she felt on her face. She was in her real body, all the power that she and other hand amass was gone wear it went she didn’t know .Why they had been shut out,she didn’t know . What was that noise she heard. A distinctive,electronic hum. Then there was Derek’s voice whispering, over and over again and then screaming”no no nO NO NO NO !” What was wrong? Sera thought to herself. She looked and saw…Alex had flatline.

[lilithslittleworld]

New Moon (If Edward Had Never Come Back Edition): Chapter 1

This is the first chapter of what I would like to be my version of New Moon without Edward returning, aka Bella ends up with Jacob.

Disclaimer:

Harry Clearwater doesn't die (or at least hasn't yet).

This first chapter is what would be the book's Chapter 17 but without Alice returning.

Really just fluff in this chapter><

Songs to listen to while you read:

Rosyln by Bon Iver

Glimpse of Us by Joji

Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex

Sweet by CAS

Sunsetz by Cigarettes After Sex

K. by Cigarettes After Sex

I had been stupid, ludicrous even, to believe that Edward would ever come back for me. He had meant those words that had been spoken in the forest back in September. I shivered at the thought of the months that would follow that soul-crushing conversation. By that first summer without him, it began to settle in my conscious mind that the hope I was holding within me was useless weight. He had left Forks and me with it permanently. I owed my life to another love that had blossomed because of his abrupt departure. 

Though I had known Jacob Black since our very early years, I had never really considered him a friend. He was more like a family acquaintance, that would show up unexpectedly or whenever Charlie had Billy over. It’s not that he wasn’t friendly, I just had never gotten to really know Jacob, beyond the mud pies we had made with our tiny, chubby toddler hands. But all of that had changed when Charlie had decided to send me to Florida with my mother following Edward’s abandonment. I bargained with him, using Jacob as the chip that would allow me to stay in Forks. By that point, I was spending more time at La Push than at Charlie’s, which he didn’t complain about. The wound Edward had left in my heart, the one that had made me double over in pain for innumerable weeks, had begun to stitch itself together with Jacob’s company. He had pulled me out of the numbing limbo and eased me back into the world and life. 

At first, I denied any idea or thought that might have to do with Jake, in any sense that strayed away from friendship. I had spent so long setting firm boundaries with him. The internal battles of guilt and confusion were constant. I didn’t even know why I so desperately wanted it to be false, why I wanted to repress any feelings in return to his very clear ones. I wasn’t scared of him and I certainly didn’t owe anything to Edward, he was long gone. It was the fear of hurting Jacob that pushed me away from entering that realm. I knew I wasn’t an easy person to handle and to be fair, he wasn’t either, but I still felt that my baggage was much heavier. I knew that sooner or later, the love I had for him would consume me and eventually, us both. I just didn’t know when. 

*********

I heard Charlie’s cruiser pull up into the driveway as I finished grilling the steaks on the stovetop. 

“Hey, Bells,” Charlie spoke, as he shut the door behind him and took off his jacket. 

“Hi, Dad, dinner’s just about done. Just give me another 5 minutes,” I called back over the sound of running water as I began to clean up.

“Sure thing, there’s no rush.”

Charlie was easy to please, between keeping him fed and spending the little quality time we had together, he had no complaints. He had loosened up significantly since Edward had left, not forgetting the time I had run off to Phoenix and told him I didn’t like living with him in Forks. I winced at the memory of his pained and confused face as I had run out of the house screaming. He had also calmed down after my sudden spiral into depression when the Cullens had moved away, though it had taken him a long time.

“Smells good,” Charlie commented, peering over the stove and then sitting down at the table. 

“Thanks,” I smiled, pleased with myself and his reaction. I knew that Charlie appreciated my cooking, he had told me almost instantly after moving back with him. 

We ate in silence until Charlie broke it by mentioning Billy. 

“Billy says he hasn’t seen you down at the reservation this week,” he noted, trying to sound indifferent.

This was exactly the topic I didn’t want him to bring up but knowing Charlie, he was bound to, even if it was unintentional. I had been wrestling with my feelings for Jacob for over a month now and had ultimately started to avoid him. It wasn’t an active decision but rather a passive space that I had placed between us, as I gave myself time to process. 

“Oh,” I mumbled absentmindedly, “You know how time consuming being a senior is.”

“I’m sure you could still find a little time to see him,” Charlie went on, clearly not having believed my lie. 

“Yeah you’re right Ch-Dad, I’ll stop by next week. I’m sure letting him catch up with his own homework isn’t that bad of an idea,” I said, picking up Charlie’s dirty place and stacking it on top of my own before making my way to the sink. 

“It’s only Thursday, you could stop by this weekend. I might be out fishing with Harry on Saturday anyway,” he hinted. 

I continued to wash the dishes silently, hoping he would drop the subject. It had been very clear from the beginning that Charlie had preferred Jacob over Edward and honestly having endured his heartbreak, I too began to agree with his favoritism. But this wasn’t something I wanted to talk about with my dad, especially not now, not undecided.

“You know, Bells, it’s been almost a full year since..you know,” Charlie fumbled with his words as he stood by the doorframe, rubbing his hands across his creased forehead, “there’s nothing wrong with…um..feeling things for someone again.”

“Dad!” I shrieked, mortified at the conversation that was beginning to unfold before me.

“I’m just saying, you and Jake seemed to really enjoy each other's company and he’s a good kid, Bella,” his voice had a hint of concern, probably remembering what Edward’s betrayal  had done to me. 

“I know, Dad. I just have a jumble of feelings in me at the moment and it’s not exactly the conversation I wanted to be having tonight, especially not with you,” I answered truthfully, hoping it would send him away to watch whatever game was on TV. 

“Okay, kid, just wanted to let you know,” he smiled back, clearly as embarrassed as I was before heading off to the living room. 

“Night, Dad,” I called out to him after having finished all of my tasks in the kitchen for the night.

“Night, Bells,” he replied, as I ran up the stairs to the privacy of my own room. My heart raced at the thought of being alone with my thoughts but I had decided to not censor them as much. Or at least to try not to. 

I sprawled across my bed, facing the white ceiling above me, listening to the rain softly fall. 

Plink, plonk, plink, plonk.

I had once reached a point of tolerance with the rain and the cold, as everything I loved most had resembled it. But now after everything, I craved the sun and its warmth more than anything. I sighed, rolling over on my side. The moon was out, not quite full yet, but its light shone dimly behind the clouds. I wondered if Jacob was out with the pack tonight, I knew the rain didn’t bother him. 

Jacob. His name swam around my mind, along with his face. The boy that had saved me after jumping off of that cliff, who had cared for me during all of my most painful moments. The boy who had brought back the life in me. He wasn’t so much of a boy anymore. My Jacob had gotten mixed in with Bad Jacob after becoming a werewolf. He wasn’t nearly as naive and sweet as he had been during my first year in Forks. He was different now but so was I and though his attitude and ever changing moods were annoying, I liked who he had become. The fact that he wasn’t fully human didn’t alarm me in the slightest but he had loathed himself for weeks before he could stand to talk about the matter with me. He was my best friend and the love I felt for him was unlike any other. 

Unlike any other, I thought again. Could it be that that’s why I had been avoiding my own feelings? Because it didn’t resemble the love I had had for Edward? My head spun as I tried to piece everything together. Could it be possible that I was indeed in love with Jacob? Why was it so hard for me to accept? There was no one but him. He was my entire world, my whole life was tied to him and I had refused to acknowledge it. We were no longer the shy acquaintances we once were when I had first moved back to Forks. Our time spent together had become meaningful, intimate. 

I could see it all so clearly now. I was in love with Jacob Black, my Jacob. My own little sun whose warmth I loved so dearly and craved even deeper. How could I not love him? He had shown me time and time again that he would not leave my side, no matter the circumstance. After saving me from the ocean’s pull towards its floor, he had begged to see me open my eyes again, to breathe. His warm hands had frantically searched for a response from me. He had cried as I took my first breaths and pulled me close to him, rocking me softly as he repeated my name.

Now it was me who was crying, the tears had been silently flowing down my cheeks for the past minutes, as I replayed my most tender moments with Jacob. He had not given up on me, even with all of the changes to his life, as he had once promised me at the movie theater.

“But don’t get mad at me for hanging around, okay?” he had patted my hand, “Because I’m not giving up. I’ve got loads of time.” 

And suddenly my legs were moving beneath me, my heart beat erratically as I made my way down the stairs, overcome with emotion and excitement. Downstairs, Charlie was still seated in front of the TV but I didn’t even care. 

“I’m going to see Jake. I won’t be out late, I promise,” I said frantically, grabbing my keys and opening the door, not bothering to grab a jacket despite the weather. Charlie didn’t even protest, he simply chuckled and gave a thumbs up. 

The drive to Jake’s house was tortuous. My truck fought to keep up with the speed I was trying to enforce. My mind raced as I sped. I hadn’t even thought of what I was going to say, I hadn’t even really known how I had gotten out of the house and into my truck. But as I neared the road that wound up to his house, I decided to say anything and everything that was on my mind. Who cared about embarrassment at this point? Before I knew it, I had parked and was making my way to the door. To my disappointment, Billy answered.

“Bella? Is everything okay? Did something happen to Charlie?” he asked, his face clouded with worry. 

“Charlie’s fine, I just really needed to talk to Jake,” I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. I put my shaking hands into the pockets of my jeans. 

“Jacob is out back, he just got back from Sam’s,” Billy said, pointing to the little clearing in the woods behind the Black’s house.

“Thanks,” I said, walking briskly in that direction. I could feel his eyes watching me even after I had turned around in search of Jacob.  

I was clearly out of breath at this point, something I could easily blame on the brisk pace of my walk if needed. As I walked, I started to see the light of a fire in the distance. Jacob was sitting in front of it, his bare back facing me.

“Jake?” 

He turned at the sound of my voice almost instantly, his eyes lit up when he saw me but nothing more than a slight smirk emerged from his face.

“Got tired of ignoring me?” he snorted, rolling his dark eyes. I knew he would probably never admit that my avoiding him had upset him. 

“It’s not like you haven’t done that before,” I shot back, my cheeks suddenly warm. I knew he hadn’t enjoyed the space I had created between us but I was surprised at his tone. 

“Jesus, Bella,” he shook his head at me angrily, “That was different. I was trying to protect you from myself!” 

“Look, Jake, I drove up here to talk to you about something pretty big but if you’re going to just pick fights with me I’ll go back home,” I challenged cooly. I realized I now had the upper hand in this situation. Jacob’s face went still. 

“Did the leech come back?” he asked, clearly repulsed. 

“Of course he didn’t,” I assured him, hoping to sway him back towards my conversation and my terrain. 

Jacob’s body eased slightly at my words and his face was no longer clouded with anger. “Oh. Sorry, Bella. I’m listening, if that helps.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to steady myself, looking back up at him when I had finished. His gaze pierced into me, those beautiful, dark eyes searching mine for some hint or clue as to what I had to say. 

“I’ve been avoiding you,” I confessed, “but it’s not for the reason you think. It’s not because you’re a werewolf or that at times, you’re insanely annoying.” 

Jacob rolled his eyes at both statements but stayed silent. 

“I think it’s because seeing you made me feel things. Things I wasn’t sure I wanted to feel,” I continued, my pulse quickening as I reached the peak of my full confession. 

Jacob’s mouth now curved into a grin. He knew where this was going and he was clearly enjoying it. 

“I want to hear you say it,” he said, stepping closer to me, his smile never leaving his face. 

“I’m in love with you. As much as I tried to deny it, I am. It’s you, I-I think it always has been but I just didn’t know it till now. You’re the sun, Jake, how could I live without you?” I said, tears had begun to form in my eyes but I was determined not to let them fall. It felt so good to finally say those words out loud and I knew it felt good for him to hear them. 

“Bella,” he gasped, taking my face in his hands and pressing his lips against my own. He ran his fingers through my hair, sending shivers down my spine. My own hands were tangled in his hair, pulling him closer to me. His lips moved against mine gently, but with a sense of urgency behind them. His free hand had made its way down to the small of my back, pushing me even closer to him. He was so warm everywhere, his lips, his hands. I could even feel the heat of his body through my clothes and it felt good against the cold, rainy night that surrounded us.

“I knew you loved me,” he whispered, after he had pulled away and pressed his forehead to mine, “I told you I would wait,” he chuckled.

“Oh, Jake, how couldn’t I? You saved me,” I said, cupping his face in my hands. He was so beautiful and warm that I thought I’d melt.  

“So did you.” His voice cracked as he said it and I could feel the tears that had escaped on my hands, “I’m in it for the long haul, Bella. You’re it for me. I knew it from the first day you came back to Forks. I’ll be here by your side everyday,” he promised me, kissing my hands that were still holding his face to mine. 

I buried my face in his arms in relief, letting myself sink into his warmth. He felt so comfortable and safe. And better yet, he was mine and I was his. 

[lemoncookie34]

Our Town (MLP) but instead Nightmare Sans

So I was rewatching MLP and got to Starlight Glimmer's first appearance. The whole concept of the town and her backstory made me wonder: What if Nightmare created a town where he and others would feel equal. Where no one gets bullied for their magic, status, and looks?

Here is some small background on Nightmare and how this town (Gonna name it Our Au) would come to be:

• Nightmare eats only one apple

• Nightmare runs away from corrupted tree and angry mob of villagers

• Nightmare is almost attacked and thanks to his new abilities from the apple got teleported to another au. At this point Dream is turned to stone by the negativity coming from the corrupt tree, the depressed zombie villagers, and the fact his brother had disappeared. Both Nightmare and Dream have eaten one apple. Therefore they both have the ability to sense other's emotions, teleport via emotions, and are immortal.

• The au Nightmare falls into is unfortunately Underfell. Which lure Nightmare in because of the massive amount of negativity in the au.

• 200 years later Ink keeps nagging Nightmare for meddling in Aus. Nightmare is also on the run from Error

• Several close calls later and Au hopping, nightmare has been alive for 300+ years. Nightmare decides to settle down and gets the idea to create his own Village, his own Au, where everyone would be safe and treated equal. It would also prove to his brother and the others of his past that even if he can't protect the positive apples, he can make others happy and protect them. He meets Killer and the first Horror here.

• 200 years of trial and error, betrayal, and at one point Error destroying the entire au (the first Horror sans nightmare meets dies with the Au). After finding temporary shelter with the remaining survivors, Nightmare sets off to find a safer au and to make a deal with Error to prevent it from destruction.

• Nightmare finds a new Au, completely abandoned. He meets another Horror and even Dust and takes them to the new au. He even welcomes in some of the horrortale residents. Nightmare found a spell book on his travels. Having thought over everything that has happened up to that point and finding a certain spell in the book, Nightmare decides that to rid of magic and any special talents would truly make them all equal.

• Nightmare uses the book to drain everyone's magic within the Au which they named, Our Au (so creative). For the monsters that needed magic to survive he had left enough magic within them for them to live and create bland magic food to eat. Nightmare even drains his own magic, leaving enough to cast the draining spell and to teleport to other Aus (this is why nightmare's eye lights are slightly purple). As Nightmare's magic has significantly weakened he is no longer able to sense other's emotions. As to why he doesn't know that forcing others to be happy and completely equal could cause the residents of Our Au to feel despair.

• Year 506, Nightmare stops Au traveling once he brings Cross to Our Au. Then does he drain even more of his magic until he is only able to cast the draining spell. For the next 20 years everything is peaceful

• Dream breaks out of the stone on year 506. For 20 years He teams up with Ink and Blue to protect the multiverse while looking out for where his brother could be.

-----

That's about the whole gist of it. I got more info but don't want this post to be so long. Plus not everything is set to stone nor well developed. It's just a silly little au I wanted to make based off a MLP episode.

Wasn't sure if the village would wear all grey or wear colors so have the colored versions of nightmare's outfit below! (Depending on which I chose for this outfit will determine the color palette of the other outfits in this au)

[ensnapemysenses]

A Birthday Tale

Summary: Severus Snape receives a rather poorly wrapped gift for his birthday.

Warnings: Bit of depressing language from Sev (I think we all agree birthday's aren't the best days for him)

A/N: I've been really busy so I put this together last minute for Sev's birthday! It's short and not my best work, but that's fine lol

Masterlist

One of the worst days of the year was finally upon him and Severus couldn’t have been more cross. It is common for most people to celebrate their birthdays on the day of their birth, but to Severus, it had always been just another day of suffering and a reminder of yet another year in which he must continue to live his pathetic excuse of a life. How many birthdays had he even seen now? He honestly has no idea; he doesn’t really keep track of his age. After all, knowing his age would further prove his point that he had wasted his time and thrown away all of his potential.

As always, he fully expected very few to remember his birthday. He would never, ever, go around and divulge such personal information to just anyone. Normally, he would only receive a gift from Minerva and Dumbledore, and he had already opened Minerva's scarf and Dumbledore's book this morning. The somewhat messily wrapped gift that had greeted him when he returned to his office after teaching his classes this afternoon had puzzled him significantly. 

It was sitting on his desk, with no note in sight. Based on the sheer amount of extra tape on the package, the wrinkles in the 'Happy Birthday' wrapping paper, and the sloppily tied dark green bow, it appeared that the gift was wrapped by hand and by someone with little experience wrapping gifts. He huffed at the sight of it. All it did was make him even more annoyed. 

“Perhaps there’s a note inside the box,” he shrugged as he muttered the sentence under his breath. Who dared to send him, of all people, a birthday gift?

Gingerly he grasped the bow with two fingers and pulled on the ribbon to untie it. It took him a while to wrestle the wrapping paper off the gift, there was a lot of tape holding it together. To open the lid of the medium-sized brown cardboard box, Severus had to use a letter opener to remove all the tape on it. His awful mood had been greatly heightened by the gift's almost too secure wrapping, so whoever did this was doing a great job at making him even more miserable. Perhaps this was all a joke to put him in an even crabbier mood. A frustrated snarl escaped his curled lips at the thought.

A familiar mouth-watering scent escaped the box as he slowly lifted the lid to reveal a freshly made blancmange and a smaller box. His mouth fell open a bit as he removed it from the box. Who could have sent him such a tasty gift? His finger rested on his chin deep in thought as he tried to figure out who could possibly know that this was his favorite dessert.

He dismissed the thought and removed the smaller box. It was black velvet and it just looked expensive. Inside he found a set of silver earrings, chains dangling down, and one with a snake ear cuff. They were totally his style and something he would wear if he ever had the chance to leave the castle and go out. Unconsciously his hand raised to his ear and his finger rubbed the piercing hole there. Who could have noticed that he had his ears pierced? He only wore his earrings enough to keep the holes from closing up and only ever in his own chambers. Now that he thought about it, perhaps he had accidentally left them in a time or two, but his hair should have done a great job at hiding them from sight. Someone would have to look really carefully to notice them at all.

He didn’t have to ponder for too long. He glanced in the box one last time to find a wax-sealed letter in the bottom, purposefully hidden under the gifts. He took a breath and fished it out, gently opening it and pulling out the letter. His eyes skimmed over it as he read it in disbelief.

‘After overhearing Minerva talking to you about your upcoming birthday, we all piled our money together to purchase these earrings for you. You wore some when you came to check on us around curfew several times, and we thought you might like them! We also noticed how you always get seconds of blancmange when it is served in the Great Hall so we went down to the kitchens and made you some. We hope it tastes good, we made sure to follow the house elves' recipe exactly.

Happy birthday, Professor Snape! We wanted to let you know how much we appreciate you and all you do for us! You really are the best Head of House that we could ask for!

- Your Snakes xx’

It takes him a few moments to compose himself. Slytherin house really thought highly enough of him to get him a birthday gift? He can’t believe it, but the proof is right in front of him. He must do something to repay them for their generosity. Perhaps a party in the common room would suffice… surely they would enjoy that. One weekend he should surprise them with that, and maybe he could even let them stay up past curfew for it.

Severus smiles to himself, maybe, just maybe he can count on a few more gifts for his birthday from now on. Maybe birthdays don’t have to be such a bad thing.

[thefeatherwrites]

Paracosm

The idea came to me, I typed it. It's not edited, nor under the scrutiny of my own inner criticism. This is loosely based on a word I recently learned, to imagine your own fantasy life in your head, and as a chronic daydreamer, this was easy to imagine.

You could have never imagined a better life.

Your humble beginnings were nothing short of a nightmare. Finding out at the age of fifteen that you were a witch, destined to wield an ancient magic thought to have been extinct from the world and having to use such power to defeat a rebellion of goblins is something you would have only believed existed in stories. But it was real. You lived it.

Another fantasy you never could have imagined, was finding someone. A man who would shield you from everything that life would have further harmed you with, had he not been there. Someone you considered a best friend, your only true confidant, the love of your life you never knew you needed.

On the day your wedding, you remembered how you had picked the petals off of flowers growing in the fields of the highlands, dreaming of the day your last name could be changed, to Sallow.

Now, you sit on the front porch of your cottage. Overlooking the rolling hills of the Scottish Highlands, sipping on your coffee and basking in the summer sun. Sebastian chasing your two children who were the perfect carbon copies of your husband, but you didn't complain.

Their laughs echoed in your ears, their smiles were etched into your soul, and the picture of your whole world running around playing tag was a portrait that would have had no monetary worth, because it was priceless.

As you got older, so did your children. Sebastian only aged like fine wine, while you grew more wrinkles from the stress of raising and sending your children off to Hogwarts. It was especially hard, since they were twins so they went off together, leaving you at home with an empty nest. You knew your adoring husband would only jest about having the time to make more, and unknowingly... you would.

After some years, Sebastian would retire from the Ministry. Your twins would graduate from Hogwarts and journey into their own lives, while your youngest was now attending Hogwarts as well. Despite the years wearing on you, you loved your little life.

You loved your children; smart and curious, just like you. You especially loved your husband; wise and mischievous, just like he always had been. Keeping you safe and on your toes as you both got older.

Your final memory was watching Sebastian in your bed, cuddled up next to you for warmth. His hair now grey, his skin now wrinkled and pale. But the same warm brown eyes you fell in love with remained the same. You both envisioned dying together, mostly from a battle in your younger years, but were ever-so-thankful to give the phrase a new meaning.

To pass in the arms of the one you felt safe with was the most rewarding way to go. As you closed your eyes, the last memory of your beloved husband smiling, you awoke once more with the rattle of the desk beneath you.

Instead of the aged Sebastian you had just lived a whole life with, there stood his significantly younger form. As if you had just met him only years ago. You soon realized you must have fallen asleep in class, and he had just woken you up.

From a dream.

"Hey, are you okay?" Sebastian asked, he looked concerned as he noticed a lone tear coming from your eye. You quickly wipe it away, claiming it must just be from the brightness of the sun pouring in from the windows. He would shrug it off, but he didn't know how much this crushed you.

A dream, is a wish your heart makes. You had just lived an entire life in the span of an hour long nap, spawning a newfound depression in you for what seemed like an eternity but only lasted seconds until you felt something on your hand.

Looking down, your heart could've burst from your chest right then and there. A ring.

A single band with a small but perfect green stone, something his mother passed down for the future Mrs. Sallow. And it was on your finger.

"C'mon sweetheart. Let's not be late for our date." He smiled sweetly, reaching down to grab your left hand and kissing the ring as his dark chocolate eyes lit up like fireworks. You smile back sweetly, grabbing his hand as you both exit the classroom and out the doors to Hogsmeade.

You could have never imagined a better life before, but now that you did, it was something that made you look forward to the future.

Your future, not a paracosm.

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

follow up to my jensen finding out he's autistic hc bc mans was the LAST person to know

his last therapist never sent notes over to his new therapist (psychiatrist) (he didn't remember to tell them so,,) so he just gave her the rundown of what he had been working on before

(most of it is ocd and ✨️ trauma ✨️ related and they don't usually touch outside of that)

after a few visits she was like oh okay he just forgot to mention that. cool.

sometime shortly after book 3 they're talking about his career and how he feels about the adjustment to dt leader and he's worried bc it's a completely unknown situation to him and ofc he's freaked out. one thing leads to another and they get on the topic of masking and she's like yk w how many new people you'll be communicating with in this higher position it'll likely be even more draining given your autism

and he is just sitting there like🧍,,autism?

therapist: uhh,, yeah?

jensen: me? autistic?

therapist: uhuh,, what's not clicking?

jensen: i don't have autism?

therapist: you,, you do though?

jensen: since when?

therapist: since,, you started seeing me? before that?? did your last therapist not discuss this???

jensen: i didn't know there WAS anything to discuss tf??

therapist: you're telling me you DIDNT know?

jensen: well yeah nobodys every diagnosed me before

therapist: well i guess im diagnosing you now then?? but really have you never thought about it before?

jensen: well i mean not really but now that you say it,,

and then he does a few actual assessments and shocker he scores significantly on all of them, so they set up an actual assessment for him for later

then he leaves and the whole way home he's connecting all the dots and he's just like huh. interesting. i thought the anxiety depression ocd and other various mental health issues were unrelated

the second he gets home he's immediately asking bryce "do you think im autistic"

bryce, not even looking up from the laundry he's folding: "i mean, yeah, i assumed. why?"

jensen: and did you think this before i asked? like have you always thought that or just bc i brought it up?

bryce: well i had to get to know you better but yeah i thought it before this convo, why?

jensen: does everyone think that

bryce: jen i have no idea, why are you asking?

jensen: am i just the last person to know?

bryce: you,, you didn't know??

jensen: no??? why is that so surprising????

bryce: babe i love you and all but i knew like,, two months into knowing you

jensen: how???

bryce: *proceeds to list of a very accurate and long list of habits and things that jensen has done or still does that are huge markers*

and then jensen is just sitting there like shit bc he really IS the last person to know

[selectivechaos]

social factors in social anxiety

this is a kind of long post because im just blabbing and i really fucking love sociology.

but i wanted to talk with some nuance about how changes in environment can alleviate and worsen situational mutism. 🌹🌹

i had a post a while back that i cannot find or fully remember. but it was about how situational mutism can improve and it was basically critiquing the idea that selectively mute people above a certain age cannot get better.

generally on my blog i have critiqued the misconception that someone can simply ‘grow out of’ a mental disorder or that selective mutism is a ‘childhood’ disorder which can only develop in childhood. these are misconceptions.

in that particular post i think i talked about how sudden changes in life circumstances and in the general social situations an individual is in can lead to the alleviation of their selective mutism. i can’t remember if i put it in the post, but at the time i was scared that this wouldn’t happen for me. it was right before moving to a different city to study at a different university away from where i had lived all my life.

i was scared to believe in a magical ‘cure’ for all ills despite my therapist at the time expressing hope that it would be. and i didn’t (and still don’t) believe it’s fair to pin all hope on a life change to uproot all anxieties and change an individual’s core condition (firmly-held beliefs about the self such as ‘i’m not good enough’ or ‘i deserve less’).

it’s not fair on the person for whom it might not happen, or on the person for whom a major change in their life makes their sm worse, or for the person whose sm gets better but their hard work in resolving those cognitive distortions and reducing their anxiety is overruled as simply a ‘change in environment’.

but i want to say that it can always get better. no matter your age or how long you’ve struggled with mental illnesses, or whether or not your life circumstances change, it can always get better. and i also want to say that it is always hard, and your anxiety may never be fully ‘gone’ or significantly reduced no matter how hard you work at it because sometimes the environment really is a crucial part of the problem.

cultures of bullying exist,

dangerous areas with higher rates of anti-social behaviour exist,

areas you grew up in where you have memories of bullying but can’t afford to leave exist.

sometimes, and for some people, (and this is the sociologist in me speaking), there are more situations that can provoke social anxiety triggers. that doesn’t mean you can’t reduce your anxiety or work on your cognitive distortions. it just means that it is harder.

i am gonna talk in another post about how changes in environment can be actually pretty magical in alleviating social anxiety particularly because of the significance of social factors in mental illness.

but i did want to start off with this ridiculously long post to just highlight that nothing is a magical ‘cure-all’ and that just because i highlight social factors in mental illness, it doesn’t mean i am not an advocate for the notion that working hard enough or having enough ‘initiative’ to change your life or push outside your comfort zone can cure you. in fact, i hope this post demonstrates how focusing on the social factors actually leads to the conclusion that many things are above and beyond the control of the individual in terms of their life circumstances. meaning that you have agency but your mental illness is never in any way your ‘fault’ and often people like to blame the individual or their phone. saying like people with depression are ‘too lazy’ or people with anxiety are ‘too shy’ or ‘not trying enough’. which is bullshit.

if u read this far have a nice day and uhhhhh fuck social anxiety🌹🌹

[to-younger-me-from-future-me]

Stuff I've learnt from life experience

Non-disposable razors exist, good for the environment and for your wallet in the long-run. But i have not used them but I want to so just putting it out there.

Using a razor. You can either lather soap and then shave as rough as you want. You still risk cutting yourself on areas where the soap slides away though. 

You can use a razor without soap too, but you have to be gentle. Maybe your area needs to be wet or under running water first.

Threading is a thing and special threading thread exists. I've never tried it properly but everyone around me does it. I've been told it hurts at first but your area becomes numb to the pain soon.

Laser hair removal isn’t permanent. They might thin your hair but only as long as you keep lasering. The doctor in charge may start you off saying it’s permanent after a certain number of sessions – but that’s a lie. They’ll say that when you ask them again how many sessions, then you ask again after a year and they’ll say soon, and then eventually they’ll admit it’s never gonna happen and laser hair removal is only to thin your hair but only as long as you keep coming back and lasering.

But if you want thinner hair and only have to do it once a month where someone else does it for you AND it’s cheap where you are, then by all means, it might be the preferable thing for you.

Split ends. I have no idea why they're an issue. I've only had split ends once where a single hair actual splits in two like velcro. But then I forgot about it and got a haircut and never had them again. They're really not that big of an issue as media put them out to be. Or maybe they are when you have your hair untied and loose most of the time everyday? I think I was going through that phase when I noticed my first split end.

Better swimming costumes exist. These are loose, breathable and cover as much as you want so you don’t need to go through body shaming and not reveal your body to strangers if you don’t want to. They are also used to by skin cancer survivors and people to avoid skin damage.

Menstrual cups are better for your wallet. But they might be scary to start so you’ll need to try it before your period starts (or you can on your period too in the shower, maybe it’ll be easier). Can’t give more details because I tried once and didn’t work out. Will try again when I'm in the mood and less depressed. But the person I gifted a set to really loves it, and so does a person she gave to. And also a person she knows who's been using it for years and hasn't looked back.

Menstrual pain sucks. I’ve heard of people using painkillers which is brilliant and why didn't I ever think of that?

For me it pauses when I eat apple slices (or if I just eat and the pain was just so bad coz of hunger and I didn't realize I was hungry lol). But apple slices didn’t work for someone I recommended it to. So everyone is different. I’ve heard of cold milk and cranberry juice (not together, but who knows). Try and see what works, what your body is craving.

Doctors can be helpful. But not many doctors in the US apparently.

Natural remedies can be great. Someone I know tried this and it helped her a bit and she suffers A LOT of pain all over during her period. 

A hot water bag on your tummy during cramps is helpful. Another thing that I never thought of before. It doesn't stop the cramps but it does help.

Your period should NOT be heavy or painful or both for long. if it's too painful, doesn't matter if it's only 1 day, if it's affecting your life significantly in that one day, you need a doctor or painkillers or a tried-and-true natural remedy or just help.

if it lasts longer than 10 days then that's also not normal. but i don't think it's serious coz it happens to me regularly.

Your period should last 3-10 days, any longer then that’s a no-no and you need to see your doctor. In my case, I think this keeps happening because while I do eat healthy, I don't eat 3 meals a day sometimes and maybe don’t exercise enough.

Now, whenever my period goes over 10 days i eat Primolut which is Norethisterone acetate which stops my period. My dose is a 5mg tablet after or before every meal (but be consistent) for 10 days. Or 10mg tablets but i don’t remember if it was once a day or twice.

Drinking milk will make your nails grow faster. Probably hair too but that’s harder to gauge on my own.

Dates, the fruit, help get your blood out, and its like almost instantaneous? I don't remember why I started eating them or how exactly dates helped, but if your period is being annoying and you're not bleeding when you should (I don't know what past me meant by this), then eat dates.

[quietduna]

Escaflowne ‘Letters to another world’: Analysis of chapters 1-3

As I promised in my last post about Patreon, I’m sharing here some of my headcanons and notes for my Escaflowne doujinshi ‘Letters to another world’. All these notes were already shared on Patreon more than 1 year ago. You can also read the analysis for chapters 4 and 5. These are ideas and comments that can be updated.

Prologue

The prologue was first draw in Photoshop, but just at that time I changed software and began learning Clip Studio Paint Ex. That’s the reason I have two versions of the first pages. The final ones were done in CSP and I can’t be happier, I really enjoyed the software and from that moment I began using it regularly. I redid the pages because I wasn’t happy with the art and the emotion it showed.

I understand that the emotions depicted in the content may seem sad and heavy. Please know that I intentionally crafted this narrative to capture the resilience and struggles of Hitomi. In her world, she has chosen to be alone, facing depression, isolation, and physical weakness. Through this portrayal, I wanted to highlight the connection between mental and physical health, illustrating that one can significantly impact the other. It is my belief that Hitomi’s journey includes a period of sadness and self-neglect, conveying the challenges she faces. Additionally, I often pondered the intense emotions she would experience when returning to Earth. While the series presents her blossoming and choosing her life on Earth, I imagine she would undergo a difficult phase of grief that could potentially last for years.

See: left picture is done in Clip Studio Paint. Right one is the previous version done in Photoshop.

The concept of Van traveling to Earth was something that really struck a chord with me. I couldn’t help but feel that it’s often expected for Hitomi to leave everything behind to be with him in Escaflowne fanfictions. But when I thought about it, I realized that Hitomi had her own world and people who deeply cared about her. It just seemed unfair to ask her to make such a big sacrifice. That’s why I decided to have Van be the one to undertake the journey instead. Throughout the story, we’ll delve into how this choice profoundly impacts him.

I personally find the idea of Van and Hitomi experiencing Earth together quite delightful. Just picturing them going on a date to the cinema, sipping Starbucks, or simply enjoying anime together brings a smile to my face. However, the reality is that Van faces several challenges on Earth because he cannot read or understand Japanese or any language from Mystic Moon (not that he is interested, to be honest). While Hitomi’s pendant provides some assistance by facilitating their communication, its magic doesn’t work the same way in this foreign setting. Thus, Hitomi is the only one able to communicate with Van, thanks to her powers.

Now, you may wonder how Van manages to interact with Hitomi’s family and friends. Well, Hitomi came up with a fictional tale about meeting an exchange student from a distant land. Of course, Yukari and Hitomi’s mother were aware of the truth and supported this narrative to make the situation more comprehensible and easier to navigate for the young couple.

In this story, Yukari and Amano didn’t interact with the Van as we can see in episode 1 of the anime series, so that’s why they don’t recognize him.

Chapter 1

I’m genuinely thrilled with the outcome of Chapter 1! I believe I was able to effectively show the profound emotions that Hitomi experienced upon awakening in Gaea. I can only imagine the immense confusion she must have felt, considering she was just shedding tears for Van a few moments prior!

The encounter between Merle and Hitomi made me very happy. I must admit, Merle was never one of my personal favorite characters when I was young, but I’m genuinely pleased with how I’ve portrayed the cat girl in this context. In my doujinshis and in this scenario, Merle has blossomed into a young royal advisor, honing her skills with a sword. I wanted her to embody strength and agility, much like Nariya and Eriya. Merle, in my interpretation, serves as a steady support and mediator for both Van and Hitomi. She is a pillar of wisdom and resilience, their family and guardian. Moreover, she adds a touch of levity to the story with her sense of humor. The constant banter with Hitomi always, always makes me smile.

In this narrative, Merle finds herself pleasantly surprised by the growth and transformation Hitomi has undergone since they last met, something that makes us think that maybe she has moved on her childhood crush on Van Fanel.

Hitomi fondly recalls a special memory of sharing a heartfelt coffee with Van on Earth. This touching moment reveals the depth of their connection, as they engaged in meaningful conversations about Van’s personal interests and the responsibilities that come with his royal duties. It is evident that Hitomi played a pivotal role in supporting Van as he navigated his position, even amidst the challenges he faced. One such challenge was his reluctance to open Fanelia’s borders to individuals from other countries, a complex decision considering the devastated state of the city and the urgent need to rebuild and forge alliances. Their relationship exemplifies the strength found in companionship and mutual support.

The closing page of this chapter depicts Hitomi gazing up at the sky, resolved to embrace a fresh start and let go of the pains she endured on Earth. I hold a deep appreciation for this version of Hitomi: a resilient young woman who prioritizes her well-being and mental health, acutely aware of the challenges she faced in the past. She is decided to start over, despite everyone she left behind on Earth…

Chapter 2

As a creative, it can be exciting to explore different versions of your story and characters. In my initial drafts of ‘Letters to another world’, I envisioned a different path for Hitomi and Van. In that different path, instead of accepting Van’s hospitality, Hitomi chose to forge her own path in Fanelia, starting a small store and becoming quickly part of the local community with her charm and her resourceful demeanor. This alternative storyline allowed for a unique dynamic between the characters, as Van would visit Hitomi daily to regain her favor, sharing meals and building their connection once again, rekindling their love. The situation was quite angsty, as Hitomi is really keen on thrive for herself despite Van’s efforts to help her. This last point is key in this story, and it’s something I wanted to keep: Hitomi is an independent woman, and wants to get a better life, with or without Van by her side.

However, upon further reflection, I decided to make adjustments to the script to explore other aspects of the story. I wanted to delve deeper into the narrative and explore different themes. So, I made the choice to go with the current version, which allows for a different set of details and character development.

The encounter between Van and Hitomi in these pages holds a special place in my heart. I tried to capture the authenticity and depth of their emotions in that particular scene. Hitomi’s feelings for Van are extremely profound, as we have already glimpsed in the earlier pages and will continue to explore in forthcoming chapters. Van is undeniably the source of her happiness, a situation which she is determined to alter to forge her own future, far from any sadness and dependance (that’s why she shuts herself after showing her feelings to Van in the scene below). Despite her attempts to move forward, her resolve wavers the moment she lays eyes on him, and she finds solace in his arms. It is evident that Van is equally affected by their reunion, but he appears to carry a sense of serenity amidst the turmoil of emotions.

“Do you trust me?” He told her. “With my life” is her quick answer. That’s another proof that she is, undeniably, still so in love with him, and that just let herself feel that love in that specific moment together.

Creating Fanelia’s skyview was truly an exhausting task. And to make matters worse, I had to redo it after it was already published because a reader pointed out the incorrect perspective. I’ve put in a tremendous amount of effort and dedication into the backgrounds of this story.

Chapter 3

The concept of “time flowing differently in Gaea” was a crucial aspect of the initial script. However, I made an error in the way I incorporated it into the story. Originally, the idea was that time passed slower in Fanelia, which would have allowed for the exploration of the discrepancy between Hitomi aging faster than Van and Merle. In this narrative, Hitomi would have arrived in Gaea when Fanelia was still under reconstruction, while Van would have only felt that a few months had passed since her departure. Unfortunately, I miscommunicated this idea in the dialogue, stating instead that time passed faster on Gaea. By the time I realized the mistake, it was too late to rectify it.

In the final story, a significant amount of time has elapsed on Gaea, around five to six years, while on Earth it has been merely three years. The concept of time holds great importance in this narrative, not just for the sake of science fiction or fantasy elements, but to highlight Hitomi’s deep contemplation and study of its nature. Thus, when she exclaims, “So it’s true; time does flow differently between the two planets,” it signifies the profound reflections she has engaged in throughout these years. Rest assured, this intriguing aspect will be further explored and unveiled within the storyline.

I understand that Hitomi’s situation can be quite difficult and filled with uncertainty. In the prologue, she makes a promise to herself – a promise to leave behind the pain that she has been experiencing. However, in order to truly move forward, she recognizes the importance of understanding that pain. Hitomi longs for answers, as she wishes to rebuild herself and discover a new path in life. It’s important to acknowledge that she is grappling with the knowledge that Van, with whom she had a romantic relationship, suddenly disappeared from her life without any means of contact. This has led to a great deal of speculation and insecurity, making it even more challenging for her.

It comes as a surprise to her that Van’s response isn’t quite what she expected. Van, too, has his own questions, albeit of a different nature. He wonders why Fate keeps entwining their destinies, and it seems that he may be harboring some hurt feelings. Deep down, all he desires is to win her heart back and create the life they had always wished for together. Van appears to be keeping his thoughts and emotions to himself at the moment, choosing to support Hitomi’s desire for some space and the opportunity to start anew. As time passes, we will uncover more about Van and his inner world.