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dovesdreaming · 2 months ago

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Caught between stars

Summary: You’re Sirius and Regulus’s sister and you’re in love with Remus. Your brothers protectiveness push away the person you love and nearly cause you two to never find each other.

Request

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Word count: 4.4k (my biggest yet!!)

The cold, stone corridors of Hogwarts had always been your home, but as you walked along them today, they felt tighter, more suffocating. It wasn’t just the pressure of your studies or the usual burden of being a Black. It was something, or rather someone, else entirely. You had been in love with Remus Lupin for what felt like an eternity. But you were Sirius and Regulus Black’s younger sister, and nothing about your life had ever been simple. Your brothers were protective to the point of obsession, despite their own messy relationship. Sirius, always wild and free, had made it his mission to shield you from everything he considered beneath you, including anyone who might try to take advantage of your kindness. And Regulus, though quieter and less openly affectionate, kept his distance but still made sure you knew he was watching over you. And Remus? Well, he was tangled up in it all. Remus was one of Sirius’s best friends, a Marauder through and through, but he wasn’t reckless like the others. He was thoughtful, reserved, always the quiet anchor to Sirius’s storm. But to you, he was more than that. He was everything.

The problem was, you didn’t know how to tell him. Or worse, how to tell your brothers. You had grown close to Remus over the years, initially through Sirius, but your bond had deepened in a way you couldn’t have anticipated. You found yourself looking for him in every room, heart skipping whenever he smiled in your direction. But every time you thought about making your feelings known, the image of Sirius’s reaction, his protective anger, his wild disapproval, flashed in your mind. And so you kept it to yourself, trapped in the secrecy of your love.

It was a rainy afternoon when you found yourself in the library, pretending to study for Potions but unable to focus. The sky outside was dark and brooding, mirroring your mood. As you sat by the window, staring at the book without really reading, the door creaked open, and you looked up to see none other than Remus Lupin walking in. Your breath caught in your throat, as it always did when he was near. He spotted you almost immediately and offered that gentle, kind smile that always made your stomach flutter. "Mind if I sit here?" he asked, gesturing to the chair across from you. “Not at all" you said, trying to keep your voice steady. You didn’t want to seem too eager. Remus sat down and pulled out a book, but his eyes flicked up to meet yours before he opened it. There was something different about him today, an edge of weariness in his expression, a certain heaviness in his posture. You noticed the dark circles under his eyes, the way his hands fidgeted restlessly. The full moon had been just a few days ago.

"You look tired” you said softly, watching him closely. He glanced at you, his expression softening, but there was still that guardedness in his eyes. "Just a long week” he replied, brushing it off. "Anything I can do?" you asked, the words out before you could stop them. You cursed yourself inwardly, wondering if it sounded too much, too desperate. But Remus’s smile widened, and for a moment, he seemed to relax. "Just you being here is enough” he said. Your heart thudded in your chest, and you quickly looked down at your book, hoping he didn’t see the blush creeping up your cheeks. But his words stayed with you, filling you with warmth. Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance he felt the same way. Maybe he looked for you in a room the way you looked for him. Maybe he thought about you late at night, wondering if you thought about him, too. But as quickly as the hope rose, so did the fear. Even if Remus did feel the same, what would your brothers say? Sirius’s laughter could be heard across the school grounds, but his temper was just as loud. And Regulus, though less vocal, would still expect you to fall in line with the expectations of the Black family, even if those expectations were less strict with you than they were with him.

You sighed, pushing the thoughts away. But before you could sink back into the quiet misery of your unspoken feelings, Remus’s voice broke through your haze. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something” he said, his tone more serious now. You blinked, looking up at him. "What is it?" Remus hesitated, his brow furrowing slightly. "I’ve noticed something.. You’ve been avoiding me lately” Your heart skipped a beat. He’d noticed? Of course he had. He was Remus. Observant, thoughtful, always paying attention to things others missed. “I haven’t-“ you started, but the look in his eyes told you he knew better. "It’s alright” he said, his voice gentle but firm. "I just... if I’ve done something, I’d like to know”. His words made your chest tighten with guilt. You hadn’t meant to avoid him, not really. But the closer you got to him, the harder it was to keep your feelings hidden. It felt easier to pull back, to protect yourself from the possibility of rejection or, worse, the wrath of your brothers. But now, sitting across from him, you realized you couldn’t keep running from it.

"It’s not you” you said quietly, glancing down at your hands. "It’s me. I’ve just.. had a lot on my mind”. There was a long pause, and when you finally looked up, you saw that Remus was watching you closely, his eyes filled with concern. "What’s been bothering you?" You swallowed hard, the words forming in your throat but refusing to come out. You wanted to tell him everything, to pour out your heart and tell him how you felt. But fear gripped you, making your mouth go dry. "Y/N” Remus said softly, leaning forward just slightly. "You can talk to me. You know that, right?". The kindness in his voice, the sincerity- it was too much. The dam you had been holding back for so long finally broke. "It’s my brothers” you said, the words tumbling out before you could stop them. "It’s Sirius. And Regulus. They... They’re both so protective of me. And there’s someone I..” You trailed off, your voice trembling. You couldn’t say it. Not yet. Remus looked at you, his expression unreadable now. "They’re protective because they care about you” he said gently. "But you have your own life. You can make your own choices”. You nodded, feeling the weight of his words settle over you. He didn’t know the full extent of what you were dealing with, but he was right. You couldn’t keep living in the shadow of your brothers. “I just... I’m scared” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "I’m scared of how they’ll react. Of what they’ll think”.

Remus’s eyes softened further, and for a moment, you saw something there, something that looked like understanding, like empathy. He reached across the table and gently placed his hand over yours, the warmth of his touch sending a jolt through you. “You don’t have to be scared” he said quietly. "Not with me”. Your breath caught in your throat, and you looked down at where his hand rested on yours, feeling the warmth seep through your skin. It was so simple, so small, but it felt like everything in that moment. But then, just as quickly as the moment had come, Remus pulled his hand away, and his expression shifted. He sat back in his chair, his face suddenly more closed off, more guarded. "I should go” he said abruptly, his voice tight. You blinked, confused by the sudden change. "What? Why?" Remus stood, gathering his things in a rush. "I just... I need some air”. And then, before you could say another word, he was gone, leaving you sitting there, heart pounding in your chest and confusion swirling in your mind.

The next few days were torture. Remus had been avoiding you just like you had done to him and it didn’t take long for you to realize that he had figured it out, he knew how you felt. Maybe it was the way your voice had trembled when you talked about your brothers, or the way you had looked at him for just a little too long. Either way, he knew. And now he was pulling away from you, just like you had feared. It hurt more than you had expected. Sirius noticed something was off, of course. He was as perceptive as he was overbearing. He kept asking if you were alright, his tone almost playful, like he didn’t expect anything serious to be bothering you. But you brushed him off every time, unable to deal with his curiosity on top of everything else. But it was Regulus who surprised you. One evening, after dinner, you were walking alone through the courtyard when Regulus appeared beside you, his quiet presence both comforting and unnerving.

"You’ve been distant” he said without preamble, his tone calm and measured as always. "What’s going on?". You hesitated, unsure of how much to tell him. Regulus wasn’t like Sirius. He wouldn’t fly off the handle or tease you relentlessly. But he was still a Black, still your brother, and there were expectations that came with that. "I’ve just been..dealing with some things” you said vaguely, hoping he wouldn’t press further. Regulus gave you a sideways glance, his expression unreadable. "It’s about Lupin, isn’t it?”. Your heart froze in your chest, and for a moment, you couldn’t breathe. You stopped walking and turned to Regulus, searching his face for any sign of what he was thinking, but as always, he remained unreadable, his sharp features giving nothing away. “W-what?" you stammered, trying and failing to sound casual. "What makes you think it’s about Remus?" Regulus raised an eyebrow, his lips curling into a faint, knowing smirk. "You’re not as good at hiding your feelings as you think you are, Y/N”. Heat crept up your neck, and you crossed your arms defensively, wishing you could melt into the ground beneath you. You had always been closer to Regulus than Sirius in some ways, sharing the quieter, more thoughtful side of your personality with him, but he could still see through you as easily as if you were an open book. “I don’t know what you’re talking about” you mumbled, turning away from him and continuing down the courtyard path. Your heart pounded in your chest, and your mind raced, trying to figure out how much Regulus actually knew.

He didn’t let you escape that easily, though. With quick, silent steps, he caught up to you and gently grabbed your arm, stopping you in your tracks. His touch was light but firm, enough to let you know he wasn’t going to let this go. "Don’t lie to me” he said, his voice still calm but with an edge to it now. "I’ve seen the way you look at him”. You swallowed hard, staring at the ground, your heart thudding painfully against your ribs. There was no point denying it now, not with Regulus standing so close, his sharp eyes fixed on you like he could see right through to your soul. You were caught, and the truth hung heavy between you, unspoken but undeniable. “I..." Your voice wavered as you tried to find the right words. There was no easy way to say it, no way to explain what had been twisting inside you for so long. But this was Regulus, your quiet, watchful brother, and you knew that, despite everything, he wouldn’t judge you the way Sirius might. “I think i’m in love with him” you whispered finally, the words trembling as they left your lips. It was the first time you had said it out loud, and the weight of it felt both terrifying and freeing. Regulus’s expression didn’t change, but you saw the subtle shift in his eyes, a flicker of something, maybe understanding or concern. He let go of your arm and stepped back, crossing his own arms over his chest as he studied you for a long moment. “I figured” he said quietly. "You’ve been acting..different. Sirius hasn’t noticed yet, but he will”.

The mention of Sirius sent a fresh wave of panic through you, and you clenched your fists at your sides. Of course Sirius hadn’t noticed—he was too busy with his pranks and his wild antics to pay attention to your personal life. But you knew that when he did, it would be disastrous. Sirius wasn’t one for subtlety, especially not when it came to his sister. “I can’t tell him” you said quickly, your voice shaking. "He’ll lose it, Reg. He’ll... I don’t know what he’ll do, but it won’t be good”. Regulus nodded slowly, his gaze dropping to the ground. "You’re right. He won’t take it well”. There was a long pause, the silence between you thick with the weight of unspoken fears. Regulus’s face was thoughtful, and you could tell he was weighing his words carefully. When he finally spoke, his voice was softer, more cautious. “But... does Remus know?"

You felt your heart lurch at the question, your mind immediately flashing back to the moment in the library, the way Remus had pulled away from you so suddenly. You had thought he might feel the same, but his sudden withdrawal had thrown everything into chaos, leaving you more confused than ever. “I think he knows” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "But... I don’t think he wants to feel the same”. Regulus’s brow furrowed, his sharp eyes narrowing slightly. "Why wouldn’t he?" You bit your lip, unsure how to answer. It wasn’t just about your brothers; it was about everything that came with Remus’s life, everything he had been hiding from the world- his condition, the full moons, the pain he carried with him. You knew he would never want to drag anyone else into that darkness, least of all you. “He’s... he’s afraid” you said finally, the words heavy on your tongue. "Afraid of what it would mean. Afraid of what Sirius would do. Afraid of hurting me”. Regulus was silent for a moment, his gaze distant as he processed your words. Then, with a quiet sigh, he shook his head. “That sounds like Lupin” he said, a trace of bitterness in his voice. "Always carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders”.

You couldn’t help but smile faintly at that. It was true, Remus was always the one trying to keep everything in balance, even at the expense of his own happiness. And now, knowing how you felt, he had pulled away, trying to protect you, even if it meant breaking both your hearts. Regulus must have noticed the sadness in your expression because he sighed and uncrossed his arms, his gaze softening. “You’ll have to talk to him” he said quietly. "If you want to have any chance of making this work, you’ll have to be honest with each other. And Sirius... he’ll find out eventually, whether you tell him or not”. The thought of confronting Sirius filled you with dread, but Regulus was right. You couldn’t keep hiding forever, not from Remus and certainly not from your brothers.

“I don’t know how” you whispered, feeling the familiar weight of fear settling in your chest again. “You’ll figure it out” Regulus said simply, his voice steady. "You’re stronger than you think”. You met his eyes, surprised by the quiet support you found there. Regulus wasn’t one for grand gestures or emotional speeches, but in his own way, he was offering you the strength you needed. It was more than enough. "Thank you” you murmured, your throat tight with emotion. Regulus gave you a small nod, his expression unreadable once more. "Just... be careful. Sirius is unpredictable. And Remus, well... he’s got his own battles”. With that, Regulus turned and walked away, leaving you alone in the courtyard. You stood there for a long moment, the wind brushing through your hair as you stared out at the darkening sky. You knew what you had to do now.

You had to find Remus. You had to talk to him. It wasn’t hard to figure out where Remus had gone. He had always found solace in the quieter corners of Hogwarts, and tonight, you knew exactly where to find him: the Astronomy Tower. It was his favorite place, where he could look out over the grounds and lose himself in the vastness of the night sky. When you reached the top of the tower, you found him standing by the edge, leaning against the stone railing, his back to you. His shoulders were hunched, and even from behind, you could sense the tension radiating from him. “Remus" you called softly, your voice trembling with nerves. He tensed at the sound of your voice but didn’t turn around. For a moment, you feared he would walk away again, just like he had in the library. But after a long pause, he sighed and turned to face you, his expression weary but resigned. “You shouldn’t be here” he said quietly, his voice heavy with unspoken pain. "It’s not safe”. You frowned, taking a cautious step closer. "Not safe? Why?” Remus looked down at the ground, his jaw clenched tightly. "Because..I’m dangerous, Y/N. I’m not someone you should be around”. Your heart ached at his words, and you shook your head, refusing to believe them. "You’re not dangerous, Remus. You’re the kindest person I’ve ever known”. He laughed bitterly, his eyes hard as they finally met yours. "You don’t know what I am. What I’m capable of”, "I do know” you said firmly, stepping closer still. "I know about the full moons. I know what happens to you. But that doesn’t change how I feel about you”.

Remus flinched, his eyes widening in surprise. "You... you know?" You nodded, your heart racing. "I’ve known for a while. I just didn’t want to push you to tell me before you were ready”. He stared at you, his expression torn between disbelief and anguish. "And you’re not... you’re not afraid?" “Of course not" you whispered, reaching out to gently touch his arm. "I love you, Remus. That doesn’t change because of what you are”. The words hung in the air between you, raw and vulnerable. For a long moment, Remus didn’t move, his eyes searching yours as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. Then, slowly, he let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes, his shoulders sagging in defeat. “I love you too” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "But I can’t... I can’t do this to you”. You stepped closer, your heart aching at the pain in his voice. "Why not?" "Because of Sirius” Remus said, his eyes snapping open and locking onto yours. "Because he’s your brother, and I-“ His voice broke, the rawness in his eyes cutting through you like a blade. "I don’t want to betray him”.

His words hung heavy in the cool night air, a weight that threatened to crush you both. You had always known this moment would come, Remus’s deep sense of loyalty to Sirius was unwavering, just like your love for your brother. But this wasn’t just about Sirius. It was about you, too. It was about the way your heart raced every time you saw Remus, the way you felt when you were with him, like you were finally where you belonged. “Remus" you said softly, stepping closer to him. You could see the conflict tearing him apart, and it hurt more than you could have imagined. "You’re not betraying Sirius. This isn’t about him”. His jaw tightened, and he turned away from you, gripping the edge of the stone railing so hard that his knuckles turned white. "But it is about him” he muttered, his voice rough. "He’ll hate me for this. He’s always been so protective of you. He- he trusted me to look after you, not...not fall in love with you”. Your heart clenched at the anguish in his voice, and you took another step forward, until you were standing right beside him. You reached out, gently placing your hand on his arm. He stiffened but didn’t pull away, and that small mercy gave you the courage to continue. "Sirius loves me” you said quietly, your voice steady despite the storm raging in your chest. "But that doesn’t mean he gets to decide who I love. I know he’ll be upset, but he’ll get over it. He’ll have to”.

Remus let out a harsh breath, shaking his head. "You don’t know that, Y/N. You know how he is. He’ll lose his temper, he’ll-he’ll never forgive me”. A pang of fear shot through you, but you pushed it down. Sirius’s temper was infamous, and you knew he wouldn’t take the news well. But you also knew that his love for you ran deep, deeper than his anger ever could. “Sirius will always be my brother” you said softly. "And I’ll always love him. But I won’t let his protectiveness stand between me and the person I love. I won’t let him stand between us". Remus looked at you then, his eyes wide and filled with a mixture of hope and fear. His lips parted like he wanted to say something, but no words came out. He seemed frozen, caught between the pull of his heart and the fear of losing his best friend.

You reached up and gently cupped his cheek, forcing him to look at you. His skin was warm beneath your fingertips, and the contact sent a shiver down your spine. "Remus, please” you whispered, your voice breaking. "Don’t pull away from me. I love you. And I know you love me too. Isn’t that enough?" For a moment, he said nothing, just stared at you with those haunted eyes, his breath coming in ragged bursts. Then, finally, his resolve cracked. His hand came up to cover yours, and he leaned into your touch, his eyes fluttering shut as if he was surrendering to the feelings he had been fighting for so long. “I’m so scared" he admitted, his voice so soft it was almost a whisper. "I’m scared of hurting you, of losing Sirius, of losing everything”. Your heart twisted at the vulnerability in his voice. You had always known Remus carried so much weight on his shoulders, more than anyone should ever have to. But now, you saw just how deeply that burden ran, how much he had been trying to protect you and everyone else by keeping his distance. “You won’t lose us” you promised, your voice trembling with emotion. "I won’t let that happen. Sirius will come around, and we’ll figure this out. But please, Remus, don’t push me away. I can’t bear it”.

He opened his eyes then, and the raw emotion in them took your breath away. Without another word, he closed the distance between you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest. You melted into his embrace, feeling the steady beat of his heart against yours as his hands slid up your back, holding you like he was afraid you might slip away. For a long moment, you stayed like that, clinging to each other in the quiet of the night, the tension slowly melting away. It felt right, like everything was falling into place after so long. When Remus finally pulled back, his hands still rested on your waist, and his eyes were softer now, though still clouded with concern. "I don’t know how to do this," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don’t know how to love you and keep everyone safe at the same time”. “We’ll figure it out” you said, your voice filled with quiet determination. "Together”.

He smiled then, just a small, tentative smile, but it was enough. His thumb brushed gently against your cheek, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes. “You’re too good for me” he murmured, shaking his head in disbelief. "I don’t deserve you”. You smiled through the tears that were now pricking at your eyes, shaking your head in return. "That’s not true, Remus. You deserve to be happy, just like anyone else”. He hesitated for a moment longer, his gaze flickering down to your lips. And then, as if a dam had finally broken, he leaned in, pressing his lips to yours in a soft, hesitant kiss.

The world seemed to stop spinning as your heart soared. His kiss was gentle, almost unsure, like he was still afraid to hurt you, but the love behind it was undeniable. You kissed him back, pouring every ounce of your feelings into that moment, every bit of longing and fear and hope. When he finally pulled away, his forehead rested against yours, and you both stood there, breathing heavily, lost in each other. “I love you” he whispered again, the words filled with so much emotion it made your heart ache. "I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I love you”. Tears spilled down your cheeks, and you smiled through them, your heart swelling with so much love for him that you thought it might burst. "I love you too” you whispered back, your voice choked with emotion. "More than anything”. For the first time in what felt like forever, the fear that had been gnawing at your heart began to fade. There would be challenges ahead, no doubt. Sirius would be furious when he found out, and you would have to face that storm together. But standing there with Remus, in his arms, you knew that it was worth it. He was worth it. And together, you would find a way to make it work.

The next morning, you found yourself standing outside the Gryffindor common room, your heart racing as you prepared to tell Sirius the truth. Remus stood beside you, his hand resting lightly on the small of your back, a silent gesture of support. His presence gave you strength, even though you could see the tension in his eyes, the fear of what was about to come. “Are you ready?" he asked softly, his voice barely audible over the pounding of your heart. You nodded, taking a deep breath. "I’m ready”. Together, you stepped forward, ready to face whatever came next.

Thank you for reading!!

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bitethedevil · 8 days ago

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The True Meaning of Fear

Warnings: NSFW, Arachnophobia, Choking, Very Violent Oral, Abusive behaviour, Fear Play, Non-Con, Devils Who Are Deviling.

AN: I'm having fun writing more angsty and loving stuff for other characters like I mentioned in my update post, but sometimes you just got to write some fucked up Raphael stuff to clear your palate a bit. Seriously: mind the warnings. It’s…yeah…pretty fucked. I will be seeking professional help and saying some Hail Mary's to repent for my sins🚶‍♀️‍➡️Enjoy! 🫶

”Pleeease, Raphael,” she sobbed. ”It won’t happen again. I promise.”

“Please what?” he asked with a smile and a soft tone that made him seem like the perfect image of innocence. “We are only having a conversation …”

She was not buying this attempt at lulling her into a false sense of security. She knew him. He had brought her to a cell in the bowels of the House of Hope. Had he simply wanted to talk, he would now have done it here.

“I will ask you again,” he said, still in that soft tone. “What did you see?”

She gave a small sob and shook her head. His yellow eyes narrowed slightly at her, but the smile stayed on his lips. He was in the cell with her too, on a chair in front of her sobbing form on the floor.

“What was it that frightened my little bird so much that she neglected all of her duties? I do so hate to repeat myself…”

Her bottom lip quivered as she tried to hold in more tears.

He had come home to find his house in complete disarray. Multiple dead debtors had laid scattered across the floor, as they had tried to defend the house against intruders. He had found her shaking in the corner of his office. A powerful fear spell had made her hide instead of dealing with the intruders or alarming Raphael.

He had been furious when he found her. He had lost a small fortune in gold and an invaluable staff that dated back to the early days of the Netheril Empire. He had yelled at her, but due to her fearful state, he did not receive the reaction he wanted. She had been too out of it to properly react to his words, so he took her here instead.

She could see from the way his tail flicked and the way he drummed his claws on the arm of the chair that he was running out of patience. She had to give him an answer.

“Death,” she lied and dried her tears with her sleeve. “I saw my own death.”

The corners of his mouth turned upwards in an amused smile and gave a huff of laughter.

“Death, hm?” he repeated. “Are you truly such a simple creature? I find that difficult to believe. If death was what you feared the most, you would not dare lying to my face in such a manner. Try again. The truth this time, if you would be so kind.”

She started shaking again and she could feel her skin become clammy. She had a good idea what would happen if she told him. She also knew what he would do to her if she did not. It was hard to decide which was worse.

“Come now,” he said, his tone softer again. “You will receive no judgment from me. Is it something embarrassing? Something completely irrational? Those do tend to be my favorites…”

She remained quiet.

“Or,” he said and looked at her with a bored expression. “I could bring the Omuan dreamcatcher in here, present you to every fear known to man, and I can deduce what it is from there. I’m certain that Hope would not mind if we borrowed it for the day.”

“No,” she said quickly. “No-no. Please don’t.”

She had seen how Hope had been after her time with the dreamcatcher. She was an empty shell of a person after those sessions.

She swallowed hard and looked at the floor in front of her.

“Spiders,” she admitted quietly. “I’ve never liked spiders…”

“Ah,” Raphael said with a satisfied smile. “A classic.”

She looked around. Her skin was tingling at the thought. She was already becoming paranoid.

“When did you acquire this fear? Were you always afraid of them?”

Her hand shot to the back of her neck where she felt a tingle. Nothing. It had only been her hair touching her. Her skin was becoming increasingly sensitive.

“As a child,” she said.

“Do elaborate,” he purred with a smile.

Her breath hitched at the memory a bit.

“I was in my bed,” she explained. “I turned to lay on my back and looked at the ceiling. I saw it just before it fell down into my face.”

“Mm,” he hummed. “That does sound rather unpleasant.”

His eyes slowly turned upwards to look at the ceiling above her. She flinched and looked up. Nothing. Raphael chuckled at her movement.

“I can almost hear your heartbeat from over here,” he purred. “Such a pretty sound…”

“I beg you, Raphael,” she pleaded. “I’ll do anything. Just please don’t—”

“Shh-sh-sh,” he hushed gently. “We are only talking.”

He leaned forward slightly in his chair.

“I am a jealous man, my dear. It’s one of my less attractive qualities, I’m afraid, but it is so. So, you must understand how it irks me to find that your fear of me is only second to that of the eight-legged vermin you seem to hate so much.”

Her hand darted up to her hair where she scratched her scalp. She swore that she could feel them everywhere, even though she knew that it was only her fear that made her feel things. For now, anyway.

She felt something hit her shoulder from above and squealed. She brushed her shoulder in a panic and swore that she felt something furry touch her hand as she did. She quickly moved her body away from the wall she had been sitting against, closer to Raphael and let out a whine. Her eyes searched where she had just sat but once again: nothing.

“Tell me,” Raphael said in an amused tone. “What do you think causes this fear of yours?”

She was practically sitting between his legs now. He ran his claws slowly over her scalp and it made her shiver in her overstimulated state. She wrapped both her arms over her head like a stubborn child refusing to let their parents comb their hair. She knew that she was pathetic, but she could not control it at this point.

Raphael brushed two claws against the back of her neck in a featherlight touch, making her flinch again. He still wanted an answer, and maybe as long as she spoke, he would not do anything. She quickly tried to construct a sentence in her scattered mind.

“I—I don’t know,” she said. “Too many limbs maybe. I don’t know.”

“Well,” he said with a mocking laugh. “I am one limb short of eight in this form. That doesn’t make you fear me any more than your eight-legged friends, evidently. It must be something else, mustn’t it?”

His claws tapped her arm in a way that mimicked a spider’s legs, and she flinched away from him. She moved back to where she was sitting before. She could see on his face that he was enjoying every second of this.

His smile widened as he unstretched one hand and snapped his fingers with the other. A fat, long-legged spider hovered over his hand, and she started crying again. She did not want to look at it, but on the other hand, if she did not, she could not know where it was. She watched in horror as the small creature clumsily and frantically tried to move in the air but could not.

Raphael studied it with a bored gaze while she pleaded for him to stop.

“Have you ever noticed how the creatures humans fear irrationally are rarely mammalian?” he mused over her sobbing. “Spiders, insects, snakes, birds…I do suppose rats and mice are an exception, but there is a theme, isn’t there?”

She had backed herself into the corner of the room. She could not get further away, and she was still uncontrollably crying.

“Cats, dogs, horses…Feeble-minded creatures, but the human need to anthropomorphize makes you believe that they are perhaps not so different from yourself. A spider, on the other hand…”

She let out a long whine as he pinned the spider to one position in the air and made it hover slowly towards her face. She screamed when it came to a stop in front of her. Its legs were still moving, but it was facing her. She could not breathe.

“It’s scared,” Raphael cooed mockingly. “Terrified, like you. Yet you cannot sympathize with it. Your brain will not let you. So much for human compassion, hm?”

He got up from his chair. He snapped his fingers, and the spider disappeared. He leaned down slightly and loosely put his hand around her neck. The claw on his thumb dug into her as he tilted her head back to look at him.

“Look at me.”

She whimpered and looked up at his face.

“Tell me, my sweet,” he purred. “What is it like to stare into the eyes of a creature and realizing that they do not work like you? That they do not have feelings in any way that you understand them? That there is nothing human in there…”

She looked into those yellow eyes of his and felt the same way as he just described.

“Terrifying…” she muttered.

“Good,” he said in a low growl, smiling at her. “Terrifying, yes.”

He snapped his fingers, and she felt something on her shoulder. She frantically tried to move away, but Raphael’s grip around her neck tightened. He pushed her head back against the wall.

“Don’t. Move,” he said firmly. “You are not leaving this cell before you realize that the only thing in this world you will ever need to fear, is me. Serve me well, and you will never have to fear at all…”

She felt the spiders furry legs move slowly over her skin. She gasped for breath as her tears started rolling down her cheeks again. She knew that Raphael would not stop this before she did as he said. His grip loosened when he saw her freeze instead of continuing her attempt to flee.

He let go of her and stood up tall to admire her pathetic state on the floor. He began unbuttoning his doublet while he watched. She felt the spiders legs on her collarbone, slowly making its way across her chest. She sobbed quietly and did everything in her power not to move.

“I think it likes you,” Raphael purred in an amused tone.

He hung his doublet over the chair. He was only in his white shirt and pants, and she could now see just how excited the whole situation was making him. His erection strained against his pants. He walked closer to her so that he was now towering above her.

He slowly tipped her head back with a claw under her chin.

She screamed but the fear had now paralyzed her so much that she could not move even if she wanted to. There were hundreds of them above them on the ceiling, and they were all the size of a palm. The scream turned into a sob as she stared upwards.

He was smiling in an almost fond way as he feasted on her terrified expression. She felt his hand cup her cheek. He wiped the tears on her cheeks with his palm, before moving his hand to his now freed member. He gave it a few lazy strokes, using her tears to lubricate his length while he watched her with a heavy-lidded gaze. He gave a content sigh.

He put his thumb and index finger on each side of her jaw with his free hand, forcing her to open her mouth.

“If I feel teeth, I will show you the true meaning of fear,” he warned.

He ran the tip of his cock over her bottom lip, smearing his precum on her trembling mouth. He pressed his cock inside and her mouth closed around it. A deep groan escaped his mouth.

“Such a good girl,” he purred with a smile.

He began slowly moving in and out of her mouth with languid thrusts. His hand moved to where the spider had nestled in her cleavage to pick it up. He gently placed it on her head, making her sob around his cock. She choked as she forced herself not to bite him. He growled in pleasure.

“We are making such wonderful progress, my dear,” he said. His voice was slightly breathier and huskier now. “I believe that you are beginning to understand… Fear does not excuse negligence.”

Her eyes closed shut as she could feel the spider’s legs on her face. She whimpered, but the sound came to an abrupt end when he shoved his cock further down her throat. He gently shushed her and caressed her tear-stained cheek with his thumb. She could not breathe.

She gagged but he did not seem to care. The sounds she made, the way her crying and trembling was making her throat feel, the way she looked so utterly pathetic: it was pure bliss for him. He suddenly snapped his fingers. She felt the spider on her face disappear. Her eyes opened and she looked at the ceiling: nothing.

She did not get to revel in her relief before Raphael started fucking her face with hard, violent thrusts. His hand clasped around her throat again in a hard grip. She could not breathe at all, and she started squirming and panicking. Her limbs flailed as she tried to get away, but her back was up against the wall. There was nowhere to move.

She tried pushing him away, hitting his legs, but he was unmovable. She looked up at him with panicked and pleading eyes, and it only seemed to excite him further. He did not cease his violent assault on her face.

“I lost a small fortune,” he growled. “All because of a frightened, stupid, little girl.”

She tried everything to move, but his grip on her only tightened when she did. Soon, she would not have the energy to fight anymore. Her throat was hurting so much. The grim thought that this might be how she died flashed into her mind, making her panic even worse.

“Nothing would excite me more than watching the life leave your eyes,” he growled as if having read her thoughts. “Instead, I think I will let this be a reminder to you, dear girl: the next time you feel tempted to let your fear control you, remember what it gets you… Nothing.”

She stopped moving and she could feel herself slowly beginning to lose consciousness. He shoved his cock as far down her throat as it would go. Her nose was brushing against his pelvis. It was painful and she felt like throwing up. He gave a deep groan as he came down her throat.

She gasped for breath when he pulled out. She coughed hard. She spat a mix of blood, cum, and saliva onto the floor in front of her as she wheezed for breath. She felt like throwing up, but she couldn’t.

When she finally looked up, Raphael was watching her with a small smile as he began buttoning his doublet.

“I trust you have learned your lesson?”

She nodded quickly. She could not stop coughing, and every cough felt swallowing knives.

“Good,” he purred. “You did well…”

He turned and opened the door to the cell with a snap. She tried to scramble to her feet to follow him out. Just as she had gotten up off the floor, he stepped outside the cell and closed the door in her face.

He smirked as he looked at her for a long moment. Then his eyes slowly drifted to the ceiling above her. Her lips began trembling again as she kept looking at him.

“Korrilla will come get you in the morning,” he said in a cold, even tone. “If I have decided to forgive you by then…”

There was the softest thud as she felt something land on her shoulder. Then another on the floor. Then another as she felt something fall off her head. Then another.

There were no more tears in her, and no screams came out of her ruined throat. Just a quiet, broken wheeze came out of her mouth as she looked upwards.

#raphael bg3 #raphael the cambion #bg3 raphael #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #nsft

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milestonekestrel · 2 months ago

Text

STILL WAKES THE DEEPERS COME GET YOUR DINNER!!!

youtube

[BODY HORROR AND FLASHING WARNING]

Thoughts under the cut (it gets lengthy)!

So.. we´re finally here huh? Took me a little over a week, but its done at last!

I´ll be honest, the idea first came to me when I listened to the song. I was brainrotting so bad on Still Wakes the Deep, I think I could´ve twisted anything into being about it haha. But this song actually fits it super well. ¨You lose touch with all the things that made you feel sane.¨ fits especially well with Caz, as everything that sort of grounds him on the rig during the shape infestation, the things that make him feel sane (mostly his friends) are all things he loses. In many cases, right in front of him. He also loses his family, as he realizes hes never going to get back to them, and, at the end, he loses himself too.

I tried to draw Caz´s hair progressively worse as his mental and physical state do. At his very best, particularly in the flashbacks at the end, his hair is shaped very specifically. But the more he goes through, the worse it gets, until at the very end where its just a tangled mess. Also his emotions, obviously towards the end he is still super emotional and stuff but I had hoped to sort of make it more...subdued? Maybe that´s not the right word, but he´s been through so much that his reactions aren´t as big to things, he doesn´t quite have the enough energy. He still Goes Through It with Finlay, but after that he´s giving you a constant 5000 yard stare. The, ¨I just watched every single one of my closest friends die in front of me¨ look.¨

Even when he gets to the derrick, he can only stare at the shape abyss.

He´s also in terrible physical condition and I tried to illustrate that with the scene of him standing up after Finlay dies. He is literally on his last legs, he is so, so tired.

also!! three flashy sequences in very quick succession at the end! do you know why? because Caz starts to See. The first, after Brodie dies, is a bunch of unique images about Caz. The people, things, and parts of himself that he is losing or has lost. Accompanied by other things, parts of himself, his life, etc.

There´s also these two images of Muir and Innes that I love very much.

The second one happens as he holds the lighter above the oil abyss! This ones just people he lost. And the third is everything that happened in the pmv flashing before his eyes. Because it is Quite a journey he has been on.

But you know why these flash? because Caz realizes that every step he is taking is one step closer to his death. Because he realizes that he is never going to get off the rig. because he realizes that he is going to die here. So hes thinking about Everything. His life, his family, friends, the horrors he went through, the things he lost and the things he will never, ever get back.

He also hallucinates Suze a lot in the pmv, but unlike in the game its not flashback sequences and she is not normal Suze. Until the end, when he´s reflecting on his life, its Suze With Tendrils!! Shape infected wife!!

and then at the end, she becomes more normal. Because he is flashing through the events of his life. also because he misses her, but he knows that by doing what he is doing, Shape Suze will never, ever exist. She will be safe.

I had a fun time drawing all the scenes in the pmv, but a select few are my favorite.

For example: The Beira D Bookends!

At the beginning and the end of the pmv, you get a full shot of the Beira D!

I like these scenes because I love having secret things like this. The bookends,,, ough do u guys get it they´re bookends... The Beira D is where it all takes place, in the game, and in the pmv. It is the first and last thing you see as Caz, and the first and last thing he sees in the 24 hours this takes place in. It is a very significant location, which is why it bookends the pmv.

Addair and Caz at the Stack:

Getting to animate this whole sequence was a blast. It´s my absolute favorite part of the game! Followed closely by the ending, but still my most favorite. I just think its a really cool part of the game, and it plays a lot into my Addair headcanons so!!! pretty sick!!

Caz´s Memories:

After he drops the lighter, Caz and his family are shown again. You can see him and Suze reconnecting (as well as the fact that I yoinked @inky-ash´s headcanon about them meeting up after he got punched in the face). He also plays with a young Cait. and drawing the hug between them just about made my eyes misty, because he really loves his family,,,, auuuughh,,,

also. the wedding photo.

I didnt really try with their outfits honestly, but I still really love how this came out. the wedding photo means so much to me...

The Lighter:

a little extra bit about the lighter. I drew when it was handed to Finlay, and when she handed it back to Caz. There´s no real scene parellells between these scenes, but I do really love them, and the whole fact that the Lighter was originally given to Finlay before she gave it back to Caz.

The Scene That Is Most Definitely Not A Reference:

Just kidding. it is.

The pose and composition is indeed a self-indulgent reference to the first artwork I made of Still Wakes The Deep!

Sinking:

The first time you see Caz in the pmv? He´s unconscious in the ocean, and sinking.

and the last time you see him? Unconcious, in an ocean, and sinking.

boy I sure do love parallels and things.

The Helmet:

at the very end, his helmet appears in the waves, before sinking below the surface. This is another self-indulgent little detail that serves as a nod to my headcanon!

I also just generally enjoyed drawing Caz and his facial expressions. That man means so much to me, so it was awesome to draw him so much!

also, I think its funny you can tell exactly when I figured out what the Cadal logo looks like, or that there even was a logo on the uniforms.

If you watched the pmv, or read this far, thank you so much!! This game means so much to me, and I´m so glad I could make this pmv. I love all the support this fandom has given me so far, so thank you! Thank you so much! Couldn´t have done this without such an awesome fandom <333

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storm-angel989 · 3 months ago

Note

Don’t try to force yourself to make content, okay? Self care is way more important than putting stuff out, even if it makes others happy! Us fans will gladly wait until you’re mentally and emotionally ready!😉 Also drink water and eat real food, not just snacks!!!

Hi Friend,

Thank you so, so much for your kind words- I read your message as soon as it popped into my inbox and I did exactly as you said <3 I took the weekend, had some real food, rode a few horses and all of the sudden, a story I've been working on clicked (and I wrote a few more!)

As with all things, I expect it to ebb and flow but I appreciate everyones love, care a support more than words can express! Please enjoy below story and thank you again so so much for your love and patience!

<3 Mandy

Angel recognized the sound, and apparently Valentino did too.

The noise in itself was a concern. But it was Valentino’s reaction to it that interested Angel the most. In the middle of what was supposed to be an important shoot, Angel watched Valentino rush off down the darkened hallway only to reappear moments later with a look on his face Angel couldn’t quite distinguish. Softness, maybe? Whatever it was, it disappeared the moment Valentino sat back down.

“Angel, what the fuck are you doing?” Valentino snarled as he raked his glowing eyes over the set. “Lay down and read the fucking lines.”

As with all things, Angel obeyed.

Now, as Angel stood in the entryway to his dressing room, that same noise from the week prior floated down from the hallway. Soft, childlike giggles in an empty studio. A sense of unease washed over Angel. As abusive as Valentino was, he still had boundaries- and allowing kids in his studio was a hard one. Surely, Angel had to be hearing things. Maybe an actor or actress with a childlike voice. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right. If there was, in fact, a kid running around in here it would be easy to get lost. Hell, sometimes he even found himself turned around and he had spent years here.

Hesitantly, Angel walked down the familiar labyrinth of halls and rooms.

“Hello?” he called out softly.

Silence answered him.

“I have gotta stop drinkin before shoots,” he muttered to himself as he turned away.

“Papi?” A girlish voice came from behind him. “Papi!”

Angel jumped and whirled around as tiny arms grabbed at his waist. Blonde hair, blue eyes, human like- Angel couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He opened his mouth to ask her who she was, but she began before he could get a word in.

“You’re not Daddy. You’re a stranger,” the child shouted as she jerked away from him. “I want Daddy.”

Angel bit back his surprise. “Does..does your Daddy have a name?”

“Daddy.”

Of course. Typical kid answer. Angel wracked his brain as memories flooded through. Images of his own baby sister, from his human life, floated through. Painful reminders of a distant past he tried to keep pushed down. With a deep breath, he knelt down to her level.

“Okay kid, what does your daddy look like?”

“Daddy is tall. And he wears heart shaped glasses. And a big cozy red coat. But only when he goes to work. And I think this is Daddy’s work.” She answered confidently.

Angel felt his stomach drop. Val had a kid? Fuck, Val had a daughter? Shit. What should he do now? If he brought her back to Valentino, would he get punished? Forced to work extra hours for daring to find out his secret? But as he looked at the little girl, the sinking feeling grew sharper. He couldn’t leave her here. It wasn’t safe. And if he tried to send her back to where she came from, she’d probably end up lost- or worse. Seeing no other option, Angel took a deep breath.

“Come with me then, kid I’ll take you to yer dad. You got a name?” He offered her his hand.

To his surprise, the little girl took it and walked next to him. “Reader. What’s yours?”

“Angel,” he replied as he focused on the hallway ahead. The feeling of her small hand in his, the familiarity of a tiny voice, a little human by his side. Flashes of his own past, his human life. Painful fragments that shattered through his mind like glass shards. He tried to swallow them back with each step they took towards Valentino’s office.

“Daddy!”

The little girl��s yell jerked Angel back to attention. He let go of her hand as she raced across the empty studio and to his shock, she jumped into Valentino’s arms. Angel watched as the overlord of lust and depravity wrapped the little girl up and kissed her on the forehead.

“Bebita princessa, where were you? You have your Uncle Vox all worried!” Valentino scolded in a voice Angel had never heard him use before.

“You promised Daddy! You promised a piggy back ride and you left!” She shrieked in response as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “You promised!”

Angel thought for sure Valentino would hit her. Or at the very least, scold her the same way he did his employees. Instead, he watched Valetnino’s expression soften.

“I know mi amore, I’m sorry,” he told her, “but you have to go up to Uncle Vox now, Papi has to work. Later tonight, I promise.”

Suddenly, as if he instantly became aware Angel was watching, he jerked his head up. Their eyes met and Angel couldn’t read the expression on Valentino’s face. Anger? Appreciation?

“So, uh, you have a kid?” Angel asked as he crossed his arms. “I, uh, found her in the back. Down the hallway. She was lookin for ya.”

Valentino’s expression changed to one Angel knew inherently well. Cold, merciless impassion.

“If you tell anyone, I will fucking kill you,” he stated. “Don’t think I won’t.”

That, Angel didn’t doubt. He opened his mouth to promise he wouldn’t, but before he could get a word in, Reader’s voice floated through the empty room.

“Daddy? What’s fucking mean?”

Angel watched as Valentino’s expression went from cold to…unsure? Uneasy? Angel couldn’t tell.

“I, uh, don’t worry about it baby, it’s,” Valentino stammered.

“An adult word. Only adults can use it,” Angel answered quickly.

To Angel’s surprise, Valentino looked relieved at his explanation. The ping of the elevator and Valentino turned away.

“Angel. Don’t be here when I get back.” Valentino said sharply. “I’ll call you when I need you again.”

“Does that mean I get the night off?” Angel called to the retreating figure.

No answer. Angel shrugged and back in his dressing room, he pulled on his jacket. Might as well spend the rest of the night at the hotel. After all, Fat Nuggets could use a little extra attention.

#hazbin hotel #the vees #hazbin fluff #the vees x reader #valentino x reader #valentino #valentino x you #valentino hazbin hotel #vox hazbin hotel #angel dust x you #angel dust x reader #angel dust hazbin hotel #angel dust #hazbin angel dust

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chuuyasfanboy · 1 year ago

Note

HII!! Could you do one with Dazai, Chuuya and Atsushi reacting to a reader who has one of those SHTWT accounts? It's a kind of strange request, but I've never seen anyone talk about it!!

I actually loved your blog, I'm currently hooked! <3

NOT a weird request at all! I dont have any social medias like this, but I interact with edtwt and have friends with both edtwt's and shtwt's, so I think I'm comfortable enough talking about the issue!

Now this may be very hypocritical of me BUT IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING MENTALLY PLEASE REACH OUT FOR HELP! Here's a link to a website with hotline numbers! Even if you cant get yourself to stop completely, please at least be save enough to keep living. Love you all mwah<3

https://www.pleaselive.org/hotlines/

Definitely didn't skip a matchup request to write this... Promise I'll get to you soon other person! I've had some ideas in mind heheheh

Dazai, Chuuya, and Atsushi (Seperate) x shtwt!Reader

Tw: Sh tw, mentions of edtwt in the ooc lol, spoilers dazai totally has a shtwt too</3

Dazai Osamu

Starting off with the worst reaction

Why is he the worst, you ask?

He has one too!

He totally followed you by accident because he just found this all so inspirational. And then you posted a tweet with the same joke you'd made earlier that day.

And oh he knew.

He's mad, but mostly because you never told him you were struggling.

He's the one who's supposed to be masking his emotions, damn it!

(I'm not sure if shtwt is the same way, but i know edtwt is chock full of motivational disgusting food images posting! I'm making those assumptions that its similar lol)

He definitely tries to convince you to get help, and he feels really bad for not actually being that worried.

He trusts you to keep yourself safe enough and so eventually he just gives up on the notion altogether

It doesnt take long for the two of you to be a bit more open with it all

He finally shows you whats under those bandages

It's worse than you think.

You're the one who convinces him to properly treat his cuts, and after enough bothering, you finally let him treat you the same.

Late nights when the two of you cant sleep, and he comes over.

The both of you in each others arms, disinfectant and fresh rolls of bandages discarded on the nightstand

While he may not be the one you go to for support, he definitely wont judge you for anything, not even a bit

And if you do decide to finally get help, he's there to cheer you on

Dont be fooled though, he wont be changing his ways at all

Good luck getting this stinker to find value in himself!

Chuuya Nakahara

He's got the best reaction, by far

He's trying not to judge you, really

It's not something he's ever had to struggle with these things, and the furthest he can really give you is an absurd amount of sympathy

The little experience he does have comes from his years with Dazai in the port mafia, but that was a long time ago and he hasnt had to think of it since

It brings up old memories...

You'd left it open on a private tab one night, and he found it when you asked him to look up something

He's about ready to cry, really, but he's strong

For you

He encourages you to get help, professional help

And if you decline, he doesnt push it much further

Instead, he offers you help directly

He cofiscates your razors the best he can, but he soon finds you manage to get them anyway

So he comprimises

When you forget to clean them, he does it for you

Buys you disinfectant and fresh bandages every time he knows youre running low, keeps your first aid stocked

Things like that

He politely asks to not be shown any fresh wounds, twitter post or not, and does his best not to think about the fact you post these things so openly and he hadn't even known

If you do decide to seek help, he's the most supportive.

He keeps you on your recovery plan, holds you close if you relapse, and never passes a single word of judgement your way

He's here for you, always

Atsushi Nakajima

Akutagawa found it before he did

Atsushi was told, immediately

He PANICS, and as soon as he sees you he pulls you aside

And he just cries into your arms

You're left so confused like?

What????

He understands why you didnt tell him, and he doesnt blame you for it

But he's still pretty upset

Moreso with himself than you

Again, like the other two, you'd been posting pictures of it all online and he had to be told!

He insists you get help, and he wont let up on it

Reminds you every day after a nicely times good morning text

"If you're feeling down make sure you call somebody before you do anything, okay?"

He's practically on his hands and knees begging you to unfollow the shtwt's you've bombarded your feed with

Suddenly he's terrified of looking over your shoulder at your phone, but also so afraid every time he isnt

He's really not good at sorting it out, his brain is scrambled and he's panicked every time he thinks about it

But he really does try hard to stay positive

And while one or two things he says may unintentionally come off as judgement, a good majority of his opinions on the topic is really just trying to get you help

He makes an alt account just to keep tabs on your shtwt

Its really obvious, made a day ago and following only you

You don't tell him that though<3

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sykestarot · 9 months ago

Text

angel messages

1-2-3

I DO NOT OWN THESE IMAGES

hi guys i felt called to do an angel message this week and it was so many uplifting messages and I hope you guys feel the support I channeled. remember to like and reblog! thanks for stopping by!

Pile 1

“i’ll keep your, keep your best interest” (7 of wands (rx); 3 of wands (rx); 6 of pentacles (rx); 10 of cups; 7 of wands; The Moon (rx)) Hi pile 1! I hope you guys are doing well! For you guys I feel like the angel message is take time to focus. I had a really hard time focusing or even starting your reading. So maybe you guys are trying to escape reality and not face the real issues in your life. Which is totally understandable, sometimes life is really hard and we just need to escape. However I feel like your angels are trying to tell you that you have been escaping too much recently. I feel like you are running away from your emotions or something that happened in your life that is bringing up big emotions for you. Maybe you are considered the strong one in your family and you feel like you can’t face your emotions because so many people are relying on you. This energy reminds me of when Kim K was talking to Kris about Kanye and she said “for once can everyone else have their shit together so I can have a bad day?” I feel like that’s how you feel and you don’t allow yourself the space to feel your emotions and when you do feel emotions it’s a huge reaction to a small thing because you bottle it up. Your angels want you to know that they see and acknowledge your pain and even when you feel alone you are not. They are always with you and just want the best for you, always. They know you need to cry and lose it, they’re saying that even of you have to let it out alone in a parking lot that that’s okay too. Some of you might benefit from seeking out professional help but you can decide that on your own based on your own circumstances. Your angels want you to know that even though they are not there physically you can always speak to them. They are always listening to you and will help you from the other side as best as they can! Stay strong pile 1 I believe in you guys <3 Signs: koi fish; lily pads; pink lotus; blurry vision; lack of focus; daydreams; clouds; blue sky; mushrooms; meadows; super mario bros?; princess peach/daisy?; nintendo; cigarettes; church?

Pile 2

“I care for you still and I will forever that was my part of the deal, honest” (The Devil (rx); 10 of pentacles (rx); Knight of Cups (rx); 9 of swords (rx); 10 of swords; 7 of swords) Hi Pile 2! For you guys it was really easy to tap into your energy. Did you guys just go through a break up? Or maybe lost a friend? I feel a significant amount of loss in this pile however you seem to be handling it very well considering. I feel like you have a sense of optimism around this loss. For example, “it’s for the better we we’re incompatible anyways,” or “I’m grateful that I even had this person in my life.” And while yes, that is a great way to think about things, are you processing the loss or are you trying to mask it with love and light? I feel like you truly believe those things but I do feel like you’re using them as a bandaid for a bullet hole. Your angels are proud of you for dealing with this so gracefully, however they do hope you are careful because toxic positivity can lead you down a road where you don’t acknowledge the other person’s mistakes. Your angels want you to acknowledge that life is not just black and white, there are many shades of gray. And sometimes even when something was great there are reasons it came to an end. I feel you keep this person on a godlike pedestal and your angels want you to know that they were just human. Nothing better or worse. Just human. Not that they are asking you to villainize this person but giving you the okay to be angry and upset. They don’t want you to dismiss the bad things this person did to you even if they are small because you still deserve so much more than what they gave you. They might’ve been a good partner or friend but you deserve a great partner or friend. Your angels want you to work on some self worth issues you might’ve been dealing with since before this relationship. There’s a level of you feeling like you deserve people leaving you, like you are not good enough and that is so far from the truth pile 2. I feel like a lot of you are aware of these problems and are doing your best to fix them. I feel like you are in contact with your angels often so this might not be a new message to you. I believe in you pile 2 keep up the good work! Signs: panther; raven; starfish; beaches; ocean sounds; seashells; the birth of venus painting; california?; surfing; early mornings; jungle cruise (lol); disneyland?; the jungle book; Bagheera; 44; 66; Capricorn

Pile 3

“now that your here with me” (Justice; 6 of swords; 2 of swords; 7 of cups (rx); The Star; Ace of Swords) Hi pile 3! I hope y'all are doing good. For you guys I feel like your angels are kind of nudging you to start something new. I see you guys feeling like you have no options, but you know you have a couple, maybe they’re just not what you would want to do? I feel like your angels want you to try to start something new because you don’t know how much you’ll enjoy it if you don't try it. I feel a really youthful energy on you guys. Did you just get out of high school or college? There’s and energy of indecision on you, where you don’t know where to go. I’m getting a Disney's Pocahontas reference in the what’s around the riverbend song where she says, “or do you still wait for me dream giver? Just around the river bend?” I feel like you know and feel that your close to achieving your dreams and maybe you’re scared of failing to achieve them? I feel that your angels want you to know they are here to support you no matter what and that you should give everything a shot while you’re still young. The last thing you wanna live with is regret you know? I feel you guys probably have a form of catastrophic thinking and don’t attempt because you feel like the failure will be the end of everything. But because you don't try you never find out if the failure is the end of the world. Your angels are afraid that if you continue to quit while you’re ahead you will regret the things you never tried. Your angels know you are so very capable and can do all things you want to. I also feel like you know they have been trying to talk to you and that you’ve dodging them. Which is so funny that they chose that line in the song but they just want the best for you and if you feel pressure from them it’s because they know you can do it. Don’t count yourself out pile 3! You got this fs! Signs: bat; turkey; orange cat; barns; small town; knee high socks with stripes; black hair; piercings; tattoos; video games; foggy; pacific northwest; cold water; ocean spray; 777; danzig

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lemon-natalia · 4 months ago

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Nona the Ninth Reaction - Chapter 27

holy shit Pash is Wake’s niece?? and thus Gideon’s cousin?? this family tree (and honestly everyone in it) is unhinged. having a cousin who is both undead and also the kid of a guy she absolutely hates feels like it’s Pash’s worst nightmare coming true. this is probably the world’s second shittiest family reunion, bar the murder tea party at the end of HtN

Wake’s whole photo with Pash shows that she had a sentimental side beyond what she had going on with G1deon/Pyrrha i guess. rip Pyrrha, the only person she can reminisce with about the woman she loved is Pash, who just completely hates Pyrrha’s guts. fun!

the whole thing with young!Pash smiling while holding a gun is a little sweet that Wake seems to have cared an awful lot about her family, but also a pretty disturbing look at what it would be like to grow up in BoE, and why exactly Pash is so militaristic and dedicated to BoE’s cause

oh shit is the truck getting bombed? which reminds me we haven’t had a John chapter in quite a while

oh no, its worse than a bomb its Heralds from the RB. given Gideon was only really able to fight them at the end of HtN because she was in Harrow’s body and thus functionally immortal and kept regenerating, pretty much only Nona and Pyrrha stand any chance here

okayy interesting tidbit of information from Pyrrha’s small speech here, which is that she seems to know/remember Gideon’s first name, from pre the Resurrection? makes me wonder that if she does remember stuff from before, if she’s going to ever give an account of events that contradicts the stuff John’s been saying in his chapters. Pyrrha Dve woman of mystery, the more i learn about her past the wilder it gets

i just adore that Nona’s first response to the RB here is to yell at the top of her lungs ‘you said you wouldn’t do anything weird!’ truly channelling Isaac and Jeannemary’s teenage embarrassment to new levels

i love that Nona’s copying what Cam says to her to try and calm down the RB. top 10 tips on how to negotiate with the vengeful ghost of a dead planet: use Camilla Hect’s emotional advice

oh some very interesting stuff being said by the RB through Judith here. specifically that ‘the danger is upon you, and you do not even know … they are coming out of their tower, salt thing’. towers have been mentioned a couple times now, with Gideon and Ianthe being named the Tower Princes (probably by John) - with the turret image being on Chapter 16, where they first appeared on the broadcast - and the tower in the hidden message. all in all it doesn’t seem to spell anything good

also Nona in this chapter is just wonderful. i mean Nona’s always wonderful, but i especially love this moment where she grabs the sword despite not knowing how to use it, and her determination to confront the RB

given Nona’s declaration that she knows full well she’s not Harrowhark, and that the RB addresses Nona as the ‘Green-and-breathing thing’ and asks what a mysterious ‘he’ did to her, i feel very sure at this point that she’s Alecto’s soul. though you never know with this series, i’ve been blindsided too often by reveals to be certain of anything

#lemon natalia reads the locked tomb #the locked tomb #the locked tomb liveblog #tlt #nona the ninth

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theheirofthesharingan · 1 month ago

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How do you honestly feel about konoha/the shinobi system in general?

Shinobi world is a fantastic fictional world with an ancient history that gives depth to its existence. But it's not perfect, because of all the practices that go on in it. The world is dark and mysterious and has a history that is as old as time.

But it is also a broken system of child soldiers, where children killing children or even adults taking advantage of children isn't seen as a bad thing. And that's why Naruto, the main character, exists, who acknowledges how messed up the system is and how hate and love are tied together and he is too naive to understand a lot of things.

We also see the other, darker side of the Shinobi world and Konoha, both, through Sasuke and Itachi. While Naruto's world is all sunshine and green and he learns through his experiences, Itachi has already seen the worst, has done the worst, and faced their consequences. Sasuke, much like him, although in ignorance, has experienced similar things and the way he responds to injustice against himself is a reflection of how violence is embedded in the system of its people, no matter how kind and gentle they otherwise are.

Many people criticise Sasuke for wanting revenge against Konoha, but "revenge" is also the reaction of Shikamaru and Naruto and they're expected to train and kill who killed their masters.

In their world, people not only are more violent to each other than an average person, but also have a higher pain tolerance. And since the ninja world is a place everyone is trying to survive, it's not a place to find out your heroes.

The good people here will have some kind of corruption in them and the bad people will have some kind of goodness to them. And at one point there are no lines because they're all so miserable and broken that one side can do anything whether it's morally right or not.

I feel majority of the fandom uses the real world as a kind of reference to analyse and assess the Shinobi world, which is unlikely to give you a clear image, because what the author is telling you is that the world he created has no heroes. If you're going to use your own personal moral lense to view the Shinobi world and judge characters based on what you approve or disapprove, you're not going to get a clear picture of it. IMO, this is the reason there are such hypocritical takes on the characters like Sasuke and Itachi and other morally ambiguous characters.

Konoha is the same. Since it's the village we spend most time with and the narrative never acknowledgew its system is wrong, it's easier to fall in love with it. Konoha isn't worse or better than the others, in my opinion. It's just that everyone in it sounds like a hypocrite. Kakashi, for example, tells Zabuza they're better people for not making kids kill each other, but then we're introduced to the Chunin exams. We have the venerated second Hokage who experimented with the dead bodies. Hyuuga clan practices slavery. And so on.

Konoha is more powerful than the other nations because they have the right strategy and the strongest tailed beast. And they manage to hide the genocide of its people, blame the victims, driving one away to death and blaming the other for wanting justice (while advocating the same ideals for others, as I mentioned above).

It's awful to see that Koshimoto leaves the darkness of his world unattended. It could be because he needs Boruto to run, so the issues Naruto promised Sasuke would get resolved are never actually resolved. He's probably uninterested. It should probably frustrate me more, but I think when I finished Naruto, I had expected this more or less. And it's been a long time since Manga ended (even it's been long enough for anime), so frustration isn't going to change anything.

#itachi #anti konoha #anti hiruzen #anti danzo #ask #anon #is this answer making any sense?#again i apologise for such a late reply

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kerubimcrepin · 4 months ago

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Wakfu Season 3, Episodes 1-6

//tw mentions of SA

Episode 1 - Fallen Heroes

I had a very long discussion with a friend of mine, who is a fan of medical settings, about how cool the existence of IV within the lore of Krosmoz is.

We didn't come to any conclusion. It was just us fanboying about this. Because my friend loves medical things and I love putting character into situations (some of which would not be survivable, if them being put on IV wasn't possible) (big fan of the concept of Joris getting poisoned and very sick and Kerubim and Atcham freaking the fuck out).

Funnily enough, during the making of my YouTube series, I discovered that there are two Sram-venerating women named Toxine in this franchise.

youtube

Adamai harbouring feelings of violence towards the members of the brotherhood is a good idea, (<- obviously the guy that wants Joris to beat the shit out of Kerubim would say this), but man, it could have been so cool if someone competent was working with this idea.

Episode 3 - Oropo's Tower

I should admit, this moment was probably a big win for Tristepin Mental Illness fans. Also, this is sadly the most explicit they can get with the reasons why Tristepin might hate being the Iop god in a cartoon.

He has plenty of reasons. Not only had Iop had 394824 demigods who hated him and felt abandoned by him while suffering fates worse than death (all gods have those) and just as many mortals he took advantage of using the power imbalance of godhood and promises of love (all gods have done that), he also canonically sexually assaulted a woman.

Ngl, if I was Tristepin, I would be considering killing myself — however, the kids and the wife would be sad.

They shuoild do this to Yugo too. He also had other wives. Albeit in an infinitely less insane way than Tristepin. Ankama.., please stop ignoring how existentially horrifying the Eliatrope demigods are.

In the Dofus MMO Kerubim pretty much calls the brotherhood of the forgotten an emo club of people with too much free time on their hands doing nothing but whining about their daddy issues.

And he was so real for that.

Btw canonically, Mishelle/Coqueline makes him feel intimidated (due to her grand age) while she herself doesn't really care about him (besides liking his good attitude towards animals), and is actually besties with Otomai.

Episode 4 - Beastly Girl

I like to headcanon that Joris's relationship with Coqueline is that he projects onto her ("oh god.... being 7 forever would make me kill myself.... even being 3ft tall is already horrible and makes me want to die..... the poor woman must be suffering") while she's like,, 1. probably doesn't think of herself as a "woman". I think she would describe herself as a creature, maybe a girlcreature, and 2. is literally chilling and doesn't give a single shit about anything but animal welfare and direct anti-god action.

I think talking to her would kill Joris because he'd realize that not every immortal person is as insecure about Literally Everything as he is.

She literally says, "the only good gods are ex-gods". We stan a leftist girlcreature?

This screenshot can be used as a reaction image for so many different shows. More fictional parents should say "my child is NOT ascending to godhood and shedding their mortality, becoming something beyond my comprehension, before they're of age. Fuck you."

Episode 5 - A Iop Hides Himself to Cry

You want to read @bitter-panacea's analysis posts about Goultard so bad.

Despite my negative feeling on s3, this is a WIN for Goultard fans, as far as I'm aware. (and Goultard enjoyers, since I kinda consider myself one)

I;'m going to walk into the sea.

Episode 6 - The Ecaflip's Scratching Post

YEAH BABY, A FULL ON IN-SHOW CONFIRMATION OF MY "USH HAS A DIFFERENT MOM THAN KERUBIM AND ATCHAM" HYPOTHESIS.

This might not seem like a contentious issue to normal people. Gods have... a lot of different lovers, so it seems normal to assume that Ush has one mom, while Kerubim and Atcham are twins like Eleley and Flopin, and have a different mom...

But a cancelled game that Tot really liked and still considers canon had really weird "there's an Ecaflip priestess who is the CEO of Giving Birth" lore, and was planned to be the mysterious mom of Kerubim and Atcham (and many other demigods), which contradicts a lot of previously established lore (ankama LOVES retcons. sadly).

I am quite open about thinking this is stupid and not considering this canon until they show her to me in an actual released media (and even then I will find a way to headcanon a better reality). Seeing the series itself acknowledge that Ush is not Atcham and Kerubim's full brother makes me feel quite better.

Hi Ush were you doing [SEXUAL ACTS REDACTED] upon cats again.

Cute...

A normal thing for a Bontarian to do. Blue-clad (metaphorically, he isn't wearing blue but white. Still very Bontarian though) man over here protecting kids and women. While also beating them up.

But unironically, I think it's cute that he has this gap moe of being an evil man who also saves people and cares about honour (because that's a proper thing to do) despite cheating constantly.

Somehow, his shallowness and "I mostly care about appearances, even if I do have a moral code" sort of behaviour is just as Extremely Bontarian as Joris's.... 30 mental illnesses.

youtube

THE OST IN THIS EP IS SO GOOD. ECAFLIP FANS WINNING ONCE AGAIN.

Hey past me! Maybe he really does pay these cats to put up with his insane behaviours. 🤨

Yugo, I'm gonna be real with you:

he's probably heard Joris and Kerubim say these exact words at least twice before,

He is reallllllly weird about cats and I am unsure if that's illegal in your setting,

He lured in people to kill in his tower for sport serial killer style.

He's bontarian. -20 morality and honor points immediately.

#ro liveblogs dofus #krosmoz #dofus #wakfu #wak3 #Youtube

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revalition · 2 months ago

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OCT 11 - AUTHORITY Intimidate the public. Assert yourself. authority!! my guy! I love *and* hate him very much! he's such a guy.

this is late because I spent too much time yesterday writing about him and not enough time drawing him. oops. that's also why it's so ugly but it's okay. someday I'll draw something good and you'll all be very impressed. we'll see if I can get EdC in today too or not!

and ty red for giving me your authority's wings haha, theyre soo cool. ough I love wings. if someone sent me an ask saying "draw [skill] with wings" I would be all over that so fasttt

anyway! lots of content under the cut as usual!

authority quotes!

anti sorry cop authority!! harry desperately needs someone to tell him to stop apologizing for existing... but in the second case, volition is right (as usual)

a wonderful classic here

gotta include these ofc

authority NO.

this line is just. how I image he is constantly. the millisecond your authority is questioned in the slightest he gets like this.

re. arresting klaasje

authority stopping you from being very embarrassing!

NO. no authority. there's SO many lines like this. sigh

authority seems to be a nearly perfect 50/50 split of good advice and bad advice. it's great. it's fascinating

authority and volition. authority and volitionnn. you are going to hear about the motor carriage story and there's no getting off.

rare sweet authority moment! (this heals morale too!)

realllly love this one too <3

authority, cmon man...

this guy. this guy... he's so... I don't know. he's sure something

authority CONFIRMED COMPROMISED. also authority being mean to soft little suggestion is always very funny to me

he is compromised though

hghhk this line from the authority fail. you get after failing *four* times. my first playthrough I had high authority - I had 6 PSY to start, and authority boosting clothes. and I just kept failing and failing. and every time I failed this check I had to dump another point into authority to try it again... so it was *really* high by the end! but I just kept failing it!! it was so painful... by the fourth fail you can finally beg kim to take over...

on the topic of awful authority fails! we need to acknowledge: - the authority check to get kim to dance - the authority check to save kim from getting shot - the authority check to make acele wear the hat

including it so we can enjoy authority making things worse and worse

alternatively, succeeding the check. eugh. (you dont have to kick the snow. but the fact that it's an option at all...)

I passed the check my first playthrough and failed it my second. there's really no good outcome to clicking it... except harry can get a good cry out of the fail, I guess

this seems like a good place to include the mandatory sad dream dialogue. that way we feel less bad for him since we got to just see him being stupid

now we know! tobacco wards off narco spirits, and alcohol discourages use of... narcohol. wonderful!

you know it's bad when it's too much even for authority haha

authority giving better advice than volition one time??? this is if you have cuno at the end, when you meet up with your posse. persisting with insisting on the phasmid isn't productive at all

live authority reaction to harry being told no to anything ever

low stakes authority fail haha

here's another one! not all authority fails are world-endingly bad

another one. sigh. authority. NO.

and there is soo much honour points dialogue I couldn't fit in here! the first time I got the honour cop thought bubble I was like, wow! I'm never listening to anything this skill says ever again!

the thought gives you -4 !!!! to drama! because lying is dishonourable. and then if you lie to kim about what you were doing he tells you it was an honourable lie. hypocrite. (and there is a dialogue where he says "Are you going to let him get away with being a hypocrite?" so that really makes auth a double hypocrite)

I love and hate authority in perfectly equal amounts. they don't cancel eachother out either, I just feel very strongly about him instead. I also feel very strongly about Volition, and their interactions are always fascinating. so I end up smushing them together, going fight! (and kiss!) and fight! like the extremely normal person I am. yep. you're welcome.

I could probably write half an essay my thoughts on their dynamic so I'm going to stop myself now before I have regrets :)

authority is in my favourite skills list for sure, but due to his serious personality issues I can't figure out where he places <3

#skilltober #de authority #de skills #disco elysium #rev art

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justenjoythegossip · 10 months ago

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Would it be more “acceptable” if Chris & Abba were exclusively PR?

Chris’ performative political activism

Whether Chris and Abba are a real legitimate couple with a PR spin or exclusively PR, Chris’ political activism has proved to be totally performative. It’s one thing to fight for equality and injustice when it is beneficial to your image, it’s another to do it when voicing that opinion can be costly. Look at Melissa Barrera who expressed her opinion, stuck to her guts and lost the role she is most famous for. Look at Brendan Fraser who refused to stay silent and paid such a heavy price after speaking out on his being sexually assaulted. It took him years to come back and finally take home a much deserved Oscar for his acclaimed performance in the Whale.

Chris’ persona and brand were utterly destroyed when he was linked to that fat-shaming racist antisemitic Nazi sympathizing girl. The most aggravating part of this PR shitshow is that by accepting to be officially in a “RS” and then be “married” to her, he has helped put her in the spotlight, which was his first mistake. Look at Dylan O’Brien who is in a real relationship with someone extremely problematic as well. They are rather discreet. If Chris and Abba had behaved like a real private couple, if Abba would have stayed in the shadow, then the backlash would have been kept to a minimum. Also by agreeing to this, Chris helped clean her image. Knowing what she has shown to the world publicly, it’s all the more egregious to see the media portraying her as this smart talented great humanitarian who speaks 5 languages and who has perfect eyebrows. The gaslighting is unbearable.

Of course, Chris has famously said that the industry makes you do things that you don’t want to do. But it is an excuse. It’s a rationalization. The truth is that he had a choice. For sure the two options he was offered probably sucked but he still had a choice. Nobody forced this on him. And he knew the optics were terrible. That’s why he didn’t come back to Twitter, that’s why he took so much distance from his political project ASP. It would have been too hypocritical to be vocal and to be lecturing people when he, himself, was connected to someone that represents what he is allegedly fighting against.

When he did that infamous asp chat about racism and antisemitism, it wasn’t random. It was very likely a test to monitor the reaction of his fans. This is probably why they left all those negative comments. They wanted to know if Chris had been forgiven...

If their “RS/marriage” was exclusively PR, would that absolve him somehow?

Certain mods have expressed the opinion that if Chris and Abba were a real legitimate couple, it would be much worse and then they couldn’t support Chris anymore. I don’t mean to judge or criticize anyone’s opinion by the way, especially since I think some of those mods are good, well-intentioned people and I love reading their take on things but I am just trying to ask questions here.

What is implied here is that it’s ok and preferable to compromise yourself if it’s meant for your career. And it’s true that we are taught from the earliest age that we have to succeed. Whatever the cost may be. We must have friends, have a career, have money, have a family, have a house… So much emphasis on having and so little on being. This is the darker side of the American dream, it puts way too much importance on money and success. And if you can’t achieve those goals then you are considered to be worthless. Nihilism starts right there. If you are nothing, it’s a lot easier to give up on your morals and ethics…

To get back to Chris. Yes he’s had an amazing career, the kind of career most actors would kill for. But it’s easy to relate to being terrified to lose what you have and what you have always wanted. I guess the desperation must be unbearable if you have defined yourself by your professional success and you see that things start slipping away from you. And by his looks and demeanor, people can tell he has struggled with it. Although it might be an act of course. But I choose to believe that it’s genuine and that he really feels guilty about it.

But wouldn’t love make this situation more “acceptable”?

If Chris and Abba were exclusively PR, then it would signify that Chris compromised himself and his beliefs for his career, for roles, for money and for power.

But wouldn’t it be actually “preferable” and “more acceptable” to compromise yourself out of love?

Love can be so powerful and nonsensical that certain people have lost their ways because of it. People have betrayed their partners or spouses, some have abandoned their own children because of it. Heck, people have even killed out of passion. And we sometimes free those people in a court of law when a jury decides that the criminal was so blinded by love and passion that they were unable to distinguish right from wrong. We call it temporary insanity!

If Chris had genuinely fallen in love with Abba (I don’t believe it by the way) to the point of being blind to her problematic stuff, would that be really worse or wouldn’t that serve as more mitigating circumstances? I am merely asking a question: compromising yourself for money and roles is it better than compromising yourself out of love? Did we actually become too cynical? Too materialistic?

Chris and his treatment of Abba and how it is reflective of our society…

Regardless of what we might think of Abba (and for sure we don’t have a good opinion of her), Chris has treated her very poorly. And this doesn’t reflect well on him.

Indeed he has done the absolute bare minimum to sell this, has never even said her name once, he has acted all ashamed most times she was nearby, has thrown shade (see the GQ interview where he implied she was judgmental), he has kept repeating how much he likes to be alone and how his dog is his true soulmate. He even said while allegedly being with her that he was looking for a partner to spend the rest of his life with. Ouch!

Of course, people who know about her problematic stuff will have trouble having any kind of empathy for her but that doesn’t make it ok.

Chris has agreed to this PR shitshow so tacitly he has accepted that Abba is good enough for these PR games and he has accepted to use her. So he should treat her with a minimum of respect. Otherwise he shouldn’t have gone through with it in the first place.

And it’s very symptomatic of our society these days. With the propaganda pushed by the mass media, we are taught that it’s ok to hate on people as long as they are horrible human beings. And similarly we have seen so many mods troll and comment on Abba‘s appearance as if it was even relevant. Just because someone is horrible, it doesn’t give you a license to behave the same way. Otherwise you become the very same thing you are criticizing.

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happyandticklish · 1 year ago

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I've Created a Monster

So, I took the, maybe ill-advised, plunge, and told the dude I've been seeing for the past three months that I'm into tickling

And it turned out fucking great, I still cannot believe my luck in this area

Apologies if I rant for a bit. I have been living out my dreams for the past couple of weeks and need to share it with someone (outside of a few people already in the community who I've already told) or I will explode. It gets a tad TMI at the end, so I put that bit under the cut for people's comfort. So beware of that in advance

So a bit of background. I had been seeing this dude for about a month and a half when we got on the subject of kinks. At first just kind of generally discussing them, and eventually getting into what we're into. And I admitted that I had one that was a bit weird, not only because it was unorthodox, but also because I had a huge amount of trouble actually saying what it was, which of course spiked his curiosity. But he was really chill about it and didn't push, but there kept being tickly moments that kept popping up naturally in the relationship, none of which were lasting longer than a couple seconds. As such, mostly out of frustration at the brevity of these moments, I mustered up the courage at 3am to finally confess.

He was quiet for a bit and mostly just held me (I think because I definitely looked as anxious as I felt--I also have to give him props for having patience during the three fucking minutes it took me to confess because I was working up the courage to simply say the Word). Then he started asking me how long I'd known that I was into it, why I was into it, what appealed to me about tickling, things along that line, all of which I stumbled my way through answering. He then proceeded to inform me that he didn't think I was weird, or that liking tickling was weird, and that he had been expecting much worse and thought it was kind of cute.

After that, tickling started cropping up more in the relationship. It took a while to explain that I was totally okay with more intense tickling and that me squirming away and sometimes asking him to stop were reflexes that should be ignored (it was somewhat endearing how he would immediatelly stop to make sure I was good, if somewhat frustrating sometimes), but he eventually got it. He even briefly pinned me down once, a move he has yet to repeat, but eventually I will get up the courage to ask him to.

I had told him that I was into both doing and receiving the tickling, but also that he was under no pressure to get tickled if he didn't want to. But after a while we were cuddling when he said, quote, "I think I'm actually into this tickling thing. It feels kind of nice whenever you do it to me, and I do love how much it gets to you." And then gave me permission to tickle him, which was way more than I was hoping for

Although he is able to control his reactions and just stay still for it which is baffling to me ("well if I moved, it would stop happening??" yeah?? I know?? But most people can't do that shit 🤨)

Guys. He started looking into tools and shit. This man is researching into the community. Came to me all excited like a dork, talking about feathers and toothbrushes and the fucking Wartenberg Wheel and how he thinks that he'd may be be down to include bondage with tickling stuff (which I'd mentioned I'd be into before). He was all, "I also discovered that some people are into tickle torture, isn't that wild?" Meanwhile I'm over here like, "yeah, it is wild, isn't it, imagine that haha"

He's suggested safe words on his own too, worked out boundaries,,,,

Anyways. He's embraced this way more than I can image and I am living the dream

TMI under cut! Avert your eyes if shmexy things make you uncomfy!

He's also started tickling me while we fuck (and sometimes when he goes down on me) and my fellow people of tumblr. It makes everything so insanely intense. I have had to be like, "babe, I love this, this is great, but I cannot concentrate on any coherent goal if you keep this up".

Also definitely discovered that my ass is ticklish during this process and it is a fact that he will not let go. Not that I am complaining 😏

#tickling #personal #spicy #tickle moments #its been wild man #the most i was hoping for when i got with someone was to maybe occasionally engage in moments of tickling the same as any other couple #definitely not this #i am living out my wildest fantasies over here #he could definitely probably go more intense than he does go but i also havent talked to him about that at all as im working up the courage #hes also obviously fine saying The Word and thinks its weird but endearing that i cant say it #he does think its weird that im so weird about this #because hes so intensely okay about anything he discovers hes into #but he says he finds it cute so ill take the win #my mans

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doomhamster · 4 months ago

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Disorganized thoughts on Wyll's childhood, Ulder's parenting, and the Ravengard family in general; warning for somewhat graphic description of death in childbirth.

1) That line about Ulder "feeling a strange gravity drawing him away from his son"?

That's trauma, buddy.

I know a parent having their child placed in their arms for the first time is supposed to feel an overwhelming sense of love and happiness, a giddy whirl as their world realigns itself to center forevermore on this vulnerable little creature placed in their care, etc. etc. I know a lot of people like to conclude that since Ulder didn't, he can never really have loved his son.

Can we stop for a moment and consider that Ulder just watched the woman he loved die? And dying in childbirth doesn't look like Padmé Amidala, folks. Francesca Ravengard didn't sigh out her last breath in a clean, sterile room because she'd just Lost The Will To Live (TM). Her death was bloody, and agonizing, and it took hours, and there was nothing anyone could do because trying to heal the damage to the birth canal before the baby was out would've made the situation worse.

(Ulder Ravengard is a soldier. He's seen hundreds of people die, killed many with his own hands. Most of them died quicker and cleaner than Francesca did.)

So here Ulder is. His wife is dying. He has a son - Wyll, they were going to name him Wyll after Ulder's favorite great-uncle - and he was going to be a good father, better than his own, but Wyll was supposed to have a mother, too, and he won't. Ulder was supposed to have Francesca there, who was so much better at being gentle, and he won't.

Can we maybe stop blaming Ulder for not having the Requisite Rush Of Joy at a moment like that? Can we maybe, as a fandom, try to recognize that trauma happens even to characters who aren't everyone's favorites? Can we possibly even consider that, since the next thing we know about Wyll's upbringing is that Ulder used to take him for outings and read him fairy-tales and kept a diary all about how much he loved Wyll, it just may be the case that his reaction to first meeting Wyll didn't set the tone for their entire relationship?

2) Ulder was a single parent but he would not have been Wyll's sole caregiver. He just wouldn't. I know that's the image Larian created for us, whether out of their usual lack of care about the writing surrounding Wyll or because they thought the later breach would be more Dramatic if Ulder had been the only person Wyll had or cared about as a boy, but the setting doesn't allow for it.

Faer��n doesn't have microwaves, washing machines, disposable diapers, baby bottles, or daycares. Taking care of a child and a home is a full-time job. Wyll would've had a nurse, most likely; Ulder is an officer, he can afford it. Later on, it seems Wyll tagged along with his father to work sometimes, as he mentions running messages for Ulder as a boy and having a fishing spot near Wyrm's Rock, but at least up until he was in school that simply wouldn't have been practical.

(It's also possible that extended family would've helped. Or, you know, maybe Francesca was an orphan with no kin left alive. Maybe Ulder's family life was so shitty he has no contact with his parents, or with the three older brothers mentioned in prior canon. We do not know! It is lazy on Larian's part a mystery!)

#doomie's baldur's gate tag #wyll ravengard #ulder ravengard #childbirth tw #gore tw

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tobiasdrake · 7 months ago

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love your db analysis posts! i'd love to hear your thoughts on ultimate gohan, if you have any. between him having little to no reaction to finding out everyone on earth is dead, and randomly letting gotenks fight buu instead of himself, he did not seem to be the same character at all to me, and iirc even piccolo says so, i just... find it hard to believe a non-rage-triggered power-up would do that to him.

Much like Android 16, I do wonder if there were more plans for Ultimate Gohan that wound up being scrapped by the shift in narrative direction.

We're first introduced to the concept of Ultimate Gohan as the Elder Kaioshin is explaining his abilities.

Gohan's dormant power has long been a recurring attribute of his character. In fact, this isn't the first time he's had an elderly sage draw out his dormant power.

Teaching him to draw out and control his dormant abilities was (stealthily) part of Goku's training with him. That Gohan was finally starting to make it his own and tap into his true ki is the reason for why he was repeatedly unimpressed by Goku's abilities.

Gohan didn't even realize it, but through his mastery of the Super Saiyan, he'd also begun to take control of and internalize the tremendous ki he'd always had stored away in him. And as he came into his own ki, what he could sense of Goku's ki proportional to his own didn't make sense to him.

Super Saiyan 2 was, then, the culmination of Gohan's development. His full power, channeled through the Super Saiyan and its amplifying effects - both for better and, uh, for worse.

But it's been seven years and Gohan's been indulging in his true love of academia, in accordance with the agreement Goku and Chi-Chi made about his future.

Goku may have successfully escaped having to get a job by conveniently dying at the last possible second, but Gohan's future is set on a course. He's going to be an academic. It's what Chi-Chi wants for him, and it's what Gohan wants for himself; Even Goku acknowledges that.

Seven years of rigorous study and zero martial arts practice later, Gohan isn't the guy anymore. In fact, examining just how much Gohan isn't the guy anymore is the whole point of his fight with Dabra.

Goku eyeballs Dabra as being roughly around Cell's power. This allows Dabra to serve as a yardstick for Gohan, so we understand what it means for him when he fails to measure up.

Gohan that was a Zanzoken/Afterimage. Nobody even does those anymore. They became obsolete after ki-sensing was normalized, because everyone can now easily sense which "image" is the real one. The one other time we saw a Zanzoken return post-23rd Tenkaichi Budokai, it was against Frieza, who can't sense ki.

Dabra is mocking you right now. He legit thinks you're so shitty at martial arts that you'll fall for this amateur-hour guff. And he's right.

I kinda feel Geets here. If I had to watch my last chance to ever fight my rival get wasted on this, I'd be losing my mind too. He fucking fell for a Zanzoken; Can I just take over already?

So. Yeah. Full Power Gohan isn't a thing anymore. He can still tap into the form - and for some inexplicable reason so can Goku and Vegeta - but this is no longer Peak Potential. Which is where the Elder Kaioshin comes in.

This is a classic formula of Dragon Ball. We've seen it in the RRA, Piccolo, Saiyan, Namek (twice!), and Android arcs. First, Goku gets the shit kicked out of him - sometimes even to the point of being presumed dead.

While the surviving cast members scurry about trying to find a way to face the bad guy, Goku - sometimes unbeknownst to them, sometimes not - is recovering and preparing to come back stronger than ever. This typically takes the form of some sort of godly trial or ordeal guaranteed to make him stronger than ever.

Then, at the 11th hour when all else has failed and all hope is lost, Goku makes his return to have one last epic battle for the fate of the world/universe/cosmos.

This is the Dragon Ball formula. Has been since the day the Four-Star Dragon Ball saved Goku's life from a lethal Dodonpa. Of course, getting Gohan back up to speed isn't going to be enough, since Majin Buu in his weakest form was able to do this to our Cell-adjacent yardstick.

I wonder what Dabra Cookie tastes like? I imagine it's like the wafer part of a Keebler cookie. Sugary and nice on its own but better with fudge.

So. Yeah. If Gohan's going to throw hands with Buu, he's going to need more than the power he fought Cell with. Fortunately, that's the Elder's specialty, and what makes this different than that other time Gohan had his dormant power drawn out.

That's right, we're limit-breaking again. Not the limits of human ability, the limits of Saiyan ability, or even the limits of Super Saiyan ability; We're limit-breaking Gohan specifically. Elder Kaioshin's abilities can not only draw out Gohan's full dormant ability but push it beyond Gohan's natural limits.

Full Power Gohan? Nah. This is Limit-Breaker Gohan. Not his full potential; Beyond his potential. Something entirely different from the Super Saiyan, but similar enough that he doesn't require much alternative instruction.

Kinda feels like a thing that shouldn't be able to exist, to be honest. After all the time that's been put into things like the strain of the Kaio-ken on a body, the effects of Frieza having power beyond his limits, or even what trying to use Super Saiyan 3 in a mortal body does to Goku in this very arc.

The idea of Gohan channeling ki beyond his limits seems like it should have some drawbacks, doesn't it? We do get some hints that something's weird about Gohan's new power. Piccolo can't even recognize his ki signature in this state.

This form is doing some weird shit to his ki. And, as Piccolo notes, Gohan's harder now. Gohan is here to take care of business, and nothing is going to get in his way.

But. Then. The switch happens. Suddenly, Gohan is no longer the protagonist and we need a way for Majin Buu to suddenly be too much for Gohan to handle. So we go from this:

To this:

In the span of two chapters. All so that Buu can ass-pull a brand new ability that's never once been mentioned before even though Kaioshin will later cop to having seen him do it twice, that will instantly make Ultimate Gohan stop being a solution to this problem two chapters after his debut.

A plan that, in fact, he began putting into place one chapter after Ultimate Gohan's debut. Never in the history of Dragon Ball has a brand new form or ability been obsoleted this quickly.

And then Gohan was basically thrown in the dumpster and this was never spoken of again, with Ultimate Gohan just becoming his new Strongest Transformation in follow-up products. You can feel the climactic final act being aggressively aborted around him, in favor of Goku and Vegeta's third act.

Hell, at one point, Goku even suggests bringing in Gohan to fight Pure Buu. Y'know. Since Ultimate Gohan is the strongest in the universe and all that. But Vegeta nopes it.

No explanation offered. He's just like, "That's not the plot anymore; Try to keep up, Kakarot." To be fair, Goku had a chance to bring Gohan into this too. They're both aggressively elbowing Gohan out of the spotlight here.

Mad disrespect.

#dragon ball #dragon ball z #son gohan

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