#I guess we all needed time to process the thing
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So She Lost
The 2024 election and how to make things better
We did our best folks, we voted. We canvassed and phone banked and fundraised and bullied the president into dropping out of the race. But we lost. We cannot change that, and the sooner you accept that then sooner you can begin to feel better.
Take a week, a month, till the inauguration, however long to come to terms with what happened. You're feeling grief and grief takes time to process.
But a lost election does not mean you will die.
Your life, if I had to guess, will become materially worse. If you're queer and in a red state start saving up. If you're trans get those name and gender changes in. If you're undocumented, or related to someone undocumented, get your shit gathered.
I can't guide you through everything but I can tell you now that your life is not over, and even if it will suck absolute shit, it will get better over time. You'll graduate, get a promotion, find a partner (or find some garlic bread if you're not into the whole relationship thing), see friends, watch movies, read books, watch a sunset. There will still be good things, and it is important that we appreciate these good things especially when things start to suck.
We can't make any calls on how bad the next four years will be but I can say this, fascist governments can't last forever. They're a fire that gets lit and burns itself out. Some fires are big and destroy a lot of things, sometimes they can be contained, sometimes they burn longer than you'd like.
But they do burn out, especially when people contain it and help control it.
Find local organizations that advocate for the one thing you care most about. Trans rights, abortion, Gaza, homelessness. Go to join them, work with them, and recruit for them.
If you can't find these orgs, get a friend and do it yourself. If you can't find a friend, make one. Do not ever think you are helpless, you are a member of your community and with enough work you can work to change it. Even if no one listens to you, you are there making a statement and that means that you are not silent.
As online as I am I think I'm going to wane off it. It does nothing for me, outside of wasting my time and laugh at funny jpegs. It's important that we remember that the Internet is not real life, as much as it may seem.
Also, and I don't care if you're an anarchist, socialist, communist, third worldist, neo-Trotskyite. You're a bleeding heart liberal now. Keep your social positions, but leftism can't get done now. You love Joe Biden, you loved Hillary, you were ok with Bernie. Work within this framework until it becomes politically viable to do anything else.
Sleep, we all need it, and drink water. Take your medicine if you have any. Maybe go for a walk in the morning. You're not screwed yet, make the most of it
#self help#cope#election 2024#politics#2024#us elections#us politics#usa#america#trans rights#leftism#progressive#liberal
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I've noticed this (as a majorly JD fan) that most people like to complain about fixed cps when it comes to FirstKhao only! It's more apparent when there are mostly no (or less) talk about it when long term CPs keep doing shows together (I mean OG are having their 7th show as a pair coming this gmmtv 2025 and they will be very much welcomed).
There is even demand for CPs that are no longer together to come back (like MaxTul -btw I love them and would love them to so another show together although I know Tul is retired from acting and so that's not gonna happen).
In short- why is there demand for FirstKhao to do works separately and not as a pair? (They have only 2 shows as a pair til now. THK is going to be their 3rd.) Is it because The Eclipse or Only Friends were not that well received?
The Eclipse and Only Friends were both incredibly well-received and were two of the most popular BLs GMMTV has put out in years, so it’s definitely not that. I’m hesitant to tell you what I really think because I’m worried I’ll get canceled for it, but I’ve already blocked everyone who disagrees with me and I’ve now reached the anger stage of my election grief so hey, what the hell.
If you want my honest opinion about why FirstKhaotung seem to be the primary target for this War on CPs, we need to go back to the Only Friends era. It’s important to note that this particular argument against CPs seems to be entirely isolated to Tumblr. Plenty of people dislike CPs or think there should be more mixing and matching of pairs, but that’s not the argument I’m talking about. What you see people saying on Tumblr is that CPs are actively ruining the industry and that writers and directors are going so far as to obstruct themselves creatively just so CPs can end up together. The first time I ever heard rumblings of this was during Only Friends.
Here’s the thing about Only Friends. Before it aired—and even in the beginning stages of it airing—a bunch of the more, ahem, “intellectual” fans seemed to have some very grand delusions about what it was and what it wasn’t. Delusions that were never supported by the canon or anyone involved in the creative process. Throughout this, a bunch of us “fangirls” (gender neutral) tried to fight back and tell them they were misreading the text, but the general consensus was that obviously we didn’t know what we were talking about because we were just fangirls.
But then guess who turned out to have interpreted the text correctly all along?
All of our predictions came true while none of theirs did and instead of admitting that maybe they weren’t engaging with this particular piece of media the way it was meant to be engaged with, they started inventing conspiracy theories about how the series would have ended differently if only it weren’t for those meddling CPs! The FK fandom has a huge faction here on Tumblr and I fear FK took most of the brunt of their anger—and is still taking it even now.
I just…imagine thinking Jojo Tichakorn secretly hates CPs and is being forced to use them against his will. Jojo Tichakorn? The same Jojo Tichakorn that’s been tweeting about SkyNani nonstop for the past month?! This man is inventing CPs that don’t even exist yet! He is one of us.
My truth is that most of this anger at CPs is actually just thinly veiled misogyny because it revs up anytime a true romance starts getting attention (such as We Are). Romances have always been overlooked and seen as “less than” simply because it is a genre enjoyed by women, but romances have just as much value as any other genre of media and despite popular belief, fangirls are capable of critical thought.
My advice? Just go on a blocking spree before THK airs because it’s only going to get worse. People hate to see women enjoying things.
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Previous post (mini recap)
"Can we talk?"
"That depends if you'll yell at me and take off again."
"Depending on what you say, I just might."
[PART 1 OF 2]
"... Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't know how to, without... that... happening. It was sheer coincidence that led Ingram’s descendants to keep coming here. I didn't think you'd believe me," Ray responded telepathically.
"I still don't."
"I have nothing to gain by lying to you."
She hates that part of him, how he manages to sound so disingenuous while still telling the truth. There's always something underneath the surface, but he never goes there unless she pokes and prods. She could have ended that explanation right then and there, but she continues.
"But not telling me that the Dewott that I've seen every other night was a Matsumoto this entire time? Keeping that to yourself is okay?"
One of the many problems of an infinite lifespan means that there's no longer agency to anything. There's no immediate need to address any personal matters when they theoretically have all the time left in the world.
He figured that he could have talked to her further down the line, when they both settled down and processed all of their feelings... Or so he thought.
Touchy subject or not, it was starting to sink in that he should've talked about this sooner. Granted, he never would have guessed that the circumstances would have led them to where they were now. Neither of them imagined that today would’ve gone like this.
"Of course not...
... But can you blame me when you reacted like you did?"
"Alright, asshole, I came to apologize but if you’re going to-"
"You scared me."
"Rio, when you were released, when you found me again, you sat on that seat and you said…”
“... Nothing.”
The two of them sit still, time grinding to a halt while Ray’s eyes roamed the space underneath his hands–as if the grain in the wooden countertop was magically providing him instructions on how to organize his words.
Gods, he wished.
"You were so quiet, it was unsettling. You’ve never been one to shy away from talking about how you feel, so I know that something went terribly wrong. A Matsumoto stopping by every now and then seemed so inconsequential at the time. But… the more I thought about telling you, the more I second guessed myself.
So I left it unspoken. I had a feeling you would be angry with me and I was right... But I never thought you'd be furious.
We carried on quietly for the past six months because I wanted you to take the first step. I figured that you’d be ready whenever you felt like you it, but I should have told you about this without having to make you dredge up the past by yourself."
I'm sorry."
"This is supposed to be my apology about yelling at you, you prick." Rio telepathically mutters, not expecting this level of genuine introspection from him. "How am I supposed to follow that?"
She watches as Ray visibly laughs off the tension in his shoulders. She lets out a short huff in response, turning back to the counter.
"I thought I was fine. I thought I was better than this–above it all. We went through something like this before, back when we first started. I thought we’d shrug it off like we did last time, but then I snapped like a toothpick today."
Ray watches as her face scrunches up in a cocktail of negative emotions. She seems like she's physically struggling to get anything out, which is an effort that didn't go unnoticed by Ray.
"I think running a ramen stand as a rockruff is exactly how I am now: absolutely useless. I'm not allowed to be useful. I'm not allowed to do my job as a Shepherd.
And that's a good thing, because now I can't stop thinking about all my mistakes--all the people I failed to protect. There's no use in a guardian angel that loses faith in herself."
She turns, facing the street, thankful that it was relatively empty at this time of hour.
“So... I sat here, on this very stool, watching every day as everybody moved on with their lives without a care in the world. Ordinary people who seem to be doing fine without me.”
Rio shakes her head at the term "ordinary people,” laughing bitterly as she turns back around.
“I know I’m being stupid. A carefree life for everyone is what we work so hard for, yet I feel so… so pissed off at them for being none-the-wiser.
Imagine that: being mad that peace is the new ‘ordinary.’ Angry that these people don't know what it's like to live with the constant threat of death, even though none of them deserve it. It makes me feel like a shitty shepherd.
I thought it'd be easier if I slept through those moments, but every other time I fall asleep, I have a nightmare. When I try to think of anything else, all I can think about is how this all started. I thought about all the things we did to get to this point. I couldn't, and still can't, stop thinking about everything I did wrong back then and now.”
Ray heaves a heavy sigh, partly because he feels relieved that she's opening up to him, but another partly because he knows exactly what she's talking about.
“Yeah.”
She didn’t need him to say anything else. She knows that he knows. She'll tell him the full extent of what she went through and what she's going through, but that's for another day. That isn't the purpose of this specific conversation, after all.
She paws the empty glass around on the table sheepishly for a long moment. Finally, she gathers herself and turns to him.
“I’m sorry I made you cry.”
“I know.”
“Thanks for putting up with me.”
“You’ve been there for me. I wouldn't have it any other way.”
[Next]
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Funny how it didn't trend right away after what Jensen said.
It's like the calm before the storm.
#destiel#deancas#dean winchester#castiel#jensen ackles#I don't know why there is a delay#it's not the first time though#jensen said this on sunday#and today it's tuesday#(fortunately yesterday wasn't tuesday too)#anyway I'm glad we're trending#again#I guess we all needed time to process the thing#I haven't made my own post about it either#YET#I probably will#I somehow needed to step back and watch the video without everyone's thoughts interfering#my personal experience with destiel
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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ohh i think im coming to a bit of a realization actually as to why mmos are so scary when im forced to party
#its like#in a single player game i can take all the time i need to prepare myself if i have to and i know pretty much the extent of my ability/skill#but with other people (especially people i dont know) i have no idea if theyre ready or if theyre confident#so i feel like i have to sorta... carry everyone? even if im already aware that they have much more experience than me#i dont really mind the learning process of wiping until we memorize the fight i actually think its really fun#but it sorta always lingers in the back of my mind that if *I* dont play well then it might make things unfun for everyone else#which is massively amplified when most of the party are complete strangers who are also new to the content because then i *really* dont know#so i have to play really really well or else if someone has a bad time or the run goes really badly itll be “my fault”#but since im still pretty new im almost guaranteed to mess up eventually. so i guess im considering it a foregone conclusion at that point#which is apparently way too much self-inflicted guilt for me to handle. i just kinda give up before i try because i think ill cause problems#this all probably has absolutely nothing to do with how i think about myself subconsciously in general though. nope. probably not.#anyway thank you for coming to my fucking ted talk im sorry if anyone actually read all that
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😺
#i haven't addressed yoongi's situation yet because i'm honestly still not hit by it i guess. like it didnt gwt to me yet#i dont think ill ever love anyone the same as i love him you know what i mean#he has been the first reason of my self development. like he literally raised me??? i learned from him how to be the person i am today#and its like im saying goodbye to a family member. the thing is i have never griefed anyone's absence like this#its like a part of my soul will be missing until he comes back#but at the same time i know what he would want for me. to move on and to become my own reason#he would want me to be kind to myself. to focus on myself and not miss him that much.#he would want that for all of us right#but i have a very hard time processing things. do you guys remeber the festa last year? when we found out theyll be going on hiatus#the reality of it snd the fact that it will be happening hit me onky after around 3 months.#thats when i first cried because i realized what it meant. ofc i knew but it didnt occur to the emotional part of my brain at that time#and i feel like im truly gonna fall apart when THIS hits me in 3 months lol#my life has never been worse and thats honestly the time when i need the reassurance the most#when i need the people i love and find comfort in the most.#but its just me and thats technically just my problem. but since i am talking about my view on this then thats okay i guess hahah anyway#i just hope he knows there are milions of ppl who love him as much as i do. and thats like extra love like forever & beyond type of shit#i honestly dont think other people ever truly fully understand how we feel towards them. especially when you really love somebody#because they have their own opinions about themselves. they debate whether they deserve some kind of treatment or not. we all do that right#and i just know he does that too. i just reslly want him to feel completely loved and cherished and appreciated.#i want him to see himself through our eyes. to surround himself with people who see him exactly the way we do.#to fall in love with somebody who will see him like we see him#nobody deserves better life than this man. and i hope that after our reunion he will live that life to the fullest 💓 i can't wait to see it#anyway. if somebody needs to talk about it or wants to get sadness out of your system - im here 💓#please keep your heads up and lets wait for him 💓#we have esch other and we will be okay 💓#sorry for typos i can barely see its 1am 🤓
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Ughhhhhhh
#I just......wanted to work on some new video editing techniques..........#Spoiler: It went........so fucking bad lol#Like restart my computer because it basically stopped functioning bad#That seems like a non sequitor but believe me getting from A to Z was an awful ordeal#I've been curious for a while if I could sync up my footage to the audio - y'know cut the video up in time with the music! Classic#Normally I'd fall back on WMM but it has this annoying desync glitch(?) where it renders everything correctly but previews it out of time#So trying to line up the visuals to the audio - well I have to restart and listen through everything so far for it to align properly :/#Lightworks is being a bitch as well - I guess it just stopped?? having a feature that it had a couple years ago that controls clip length#So I get random-length clips! That I can't stretch or extend! Y'know - The Thing I need to do!#I also tried Openshot and by about the point the advice had me changing my security settings I noped out#Literally would crash if I tried to import one (1) .png >:P#And I'm not about to give my info to Yet Another freeware like DaVinci Resolve since it went So Well with Lightworks#Didn't stop me from downloading and installing the wrong version for like an hour which Greatly lagged out my computer#And then as said it was the wrong version even if I did have access to it so I wouldn't be able to use it anyway!#How come we have such good opensource video capture and streaming software like OBS#And like LibreOffice for word processing and Audacity for audio and just - so many good opensource programs!#But video editing is a step too far#Ugh#Today's been a wash >:/#At least my uptime is all shiny sparkly new for streaming maybe tomorrow lol#I dunno it depends on how sleep goes - y'know how it is after being frustrated for so long#I really wanted to! I wanted to do a lot of things >:(#I'll see how it all goes#Guess I'm going back to WMM - ugh - once I've properly cooled down and Actually Prepared for the slog#If anyone has any video editing software recommendations I am all ears tho#Obviously not any of the ones mentioned here as they Did Not Work lol#I just want........an intuitive place where I can drag-and-drop images and be able to crop their length up or down to the audio#Hell I'll take a patch for the desync if such a thing exists lol - looks like it's been a problem for like 10 years! Hgg#I just want to Make Thing In Head happen! It is not a lack of will! I am 100% blaming my tools on this one lol#I'm an amateur video editor I have the right to be whiny! I want a tool that isn't hell to operate! JFLHFJKLFHIOSEJF Anyway lol
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i love google docs and google drive but sometimes opening that shit is a nightmare bc literally what do u mean i have access to a state candidate for senator (?)’s campaign organizer in my docs. literally why would i have that shit readily accessible i haven’t worked any campaigns like, ever. ???
#nightmare.personal#if i had to guess i think 2 people in my activism circle campaigned for him#so probably what happened is i lurked on a convo about it and checked out the sites they sent#i still don't totally understand why they would have sent THAT information but honestly whatever there's been weirder shit in here#the other interesting thing is because of how we do accountability and just our general process for invoicing#i constantly have access to everyone on our team's invoices (of the people who do invoice) like all the time#which has been helpful in cases where i need to figure out how to format something#but otherwise is just a little strange because we just see how much money everyone's getting#but nobody really judges about it so again it's fine just. funny 2 me
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being a writer sucks sometimes because you need synonyms to keep yourself from using the same word too many times in succession without strategic purpose but you run into situations where you basically don't have another word. Or your pool is super small and you may need more than one
like you're telling me in the entire history of the English language that it still never bothered to develop more than like three words for love that can have a platonic application that aren't like. Huge stretches for synonyms. Like why is it all romantic words i can't just write about family in peace 😭 like majority of the synonyms are either inherently romantic in meaning or have strong romantic connotations to the point that I'd have to be super strategic in my usage in order to make them NOT sound really fxcking wrong like. And even some of the platonic words just wouldn't really fit right in the thing in writing like.
literally and there's only so many times I can use the word "affection" before that becomes repetitive too-
What am I supposed to do with this
(Btw when you look up stuff like "synonyms for love that are platonic" the results are literally shzt like "love without sex" and "chaste love" so that doesn't work either fudging. Society 😭😭😭 can't write for shxt)
#This is gonna trigger my joker arc if nothing else does#Tenderness could work for the sentence I'm stuck on currently but I've been having this problem for like the whole writing process and#I just wanted to rant a little I guess fudging. One time I realized I needed a synonym for silence. But like what the fudge do I do#All synonyms for that have like. Way more specific connotations I think.#So I had to trade out the earlier usage of silence for one of the synonyms and then use silence in the later usage#In order to not be stale#Fudging we don't have enough words for No Sound No Talk I guess 😭😭😭😭😭#At least I've added reticence to my vocabulary now#Idk this is probably kinda incoherent but I just need to rant about language but like.#I feel like the love thing is like telling of something about how society treats non-romantic love compared to romantic love or something#Like the fact we have so many words for romance and even some words that technically aren't inherently romantic are just assumed to be#But if you want to write about the love between family or friends or like anything that isn't lovers you just. Good fxcking luck.#Shoutouts to aromantics y'all are braver than any US marine /ref for just like. Existing. Being alive. In This Sussiety.
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Getting yourself off again, angel? Second time today, isn't it? Or already the third, fourth, fifth? You're such a greedy, insatiable thing. Now, now, don't stop on my account - no, keep going, you're doing great.
But your touches are a little too intense, don't you think? A little too... on the nose, too obviously intended to make you come. Good little pets don't finish fast - if at all - no, they edge and edge, over and over again, until they finally get permission to let themselves go and succumb to their primitive needs. So... Lighter. Slower. No rubbing, only caressing, no fingering, only teasing your hole with your fingertips.
But first things first, fingers off entirely. Apparently, you need someone to guide you through the entire process, don't you? You're just too impatient and worked up, full of hormones and heat, to be able to regulate yourself, poor baby. Don't worry, I'll do it for you, step by step, nice and slow. Nothing makes it easier for you than having someone to order you around and tell you exactly what you're allowed to do. Now, isn't it extra fun that, even though nothing stops you from going further before I allow you to, we both know that you won't? You'll be good and behave, just for me, less even, just for a few written words, the illusion of a dom hovering over your barely clothed body and whispering sweet commands against the shell of your ear.
Touch your chest first. Even if it does nothing for you, even if you barely have any sensation in it, I want your fingers circling your nipples, your fingernails gently scratching over them, pinching them between two of them, pulling, massaging. Put on a show, as if someone was watching you. If you have some clamps around, get them, and tease yourself with them - not quite putting them on, but rubbing over your areola, using it to pinch and pull as well. Feel that, treasure? That's what you get for being patient and taking your time. That nice pulling feeling in your stomach... Yeah, that's good, isn't it? Good job. Toy with your chest and nipples some more, make them swollen, sore, red, make sure they already ache before you finally put on those clamps. If you don't own any, you go ahead right now, and order some. The most humiliating, the prettiest ones you can find. And I want you reading through this post again when they arrive, so you can properly get off to it.
Now, I'm sure by now your legs have fallen open all by themselves, mh? Revealing a soaked, hot mess in between, throbbing and begging for attention. So tempting to put your hand right in the middle of it and grope yourself, but you'll be good for me and keep your hands to yourself, love. For now, all you're allowed to do is let your fingers brush over your stomach... Drawing little circles around your belly button, long swirls that slowly go further down, ah, there's that nice feeling of your guts tensing up, isn't it? God, you're so predictable, such a simple thing. Oh, it's fine, you're merely a body in need of being fucked right now, no wonder your brain turns into simple mode.
Gently tease yourself with your fingernails along your lower stomach, before you move onto your thighs - oh, my, you're really desperate, spread them out as far as possible, and let me guess, you only just noticed now how far you've opened up, haven't you? A proper slut for the taking, good job, my angel. Touch your thighs, not the inner parts yet, just explore yourself, palms tracing your muscle, reaching up to your hip, moving onto your stomach again, where that nice, tight feeling comes back. Slowly let your fingers glide to the inner part of your thighs, where your ticklish, and it usually only works to get touched there when it's someone else's fingers, but, oh, fuck, darling, today's different, isn't it? Touching yourself so intensely, yet thoughtfully, it's really showing its effect on you, mh? That's perfect, you're doing so well, yeah, touch and tease your thighs some more, move those fingers up until...
Now you're allowed to move them right in between your legs. That feels good, hm? Finally letting your fingertips feel your own heat, swollen and twitching, feeling your own wetness, only caused by a post. Doesn't that truly show how desperately you need guidance and being made to feel utterly submissive? Don't keep those moans in, show everyone that you're such a needy, horny doll, so desperate to touch themselves. Why the modesty? Let it out. Rub yourself - slowly, dear - and feel yourself up, and know that you've done anything to this point because you followed orders, because you obeyed, because you just couldn't do it yourself and needed someone else so fucking badly, you needed someone to tell you what to do, does it feel like I'm there with you, do you like it, mh? Does it turn you on to know that I took the time writing this, for you to follow every step and work yourself up?
If you own a vibrator, you'll use it now. If it's the kind that you shove inside your needy hole, then do it, don't be gentle, don't be slow, shove it inside of you on the highest settings, as deep as it can go, and use your hand to continue rubbing. If it's the kind that you put on yourself, lay it on you, don't press it against you - we wouldn't want you to get too excited now, would we? - and shove your fingers inside of your instead. Fuck yourself. Make it good. Make it hard to not fall off the edge. Make it as rough and fast and overstimulating as you possibly can. Make it feel humiliating how fucking close it gets you that you're doing this in the first place. Feel the weight and tension that your heat brings - lean into it. Open your mouth, let the moans and whines and all those pretty noises out, don't close it to swallow, let your drool run down your chin - pant. It's getting hard to not come, isn't it? Poor baby.
Do you want me to give you permission? You do. I know. It's okay, baby, relax, keep fucking yourself open like that. A little patience.
Getting harder, mh? Feeling it in your guts already? God, you're so...
Think you can manage a bit longer?
Soon, my angel. You sound so good when you're desperate.
Almost there.
Ready, love?
Come for me, right now.
#my own#female sub#male sub#nb sub#trans sub#gender neutral post#degradation.#humiliation.#praise.#joi.#dirty talk.#psychological domming.
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WIP Wednesday (@2am Thursday again! WOO)
I think I'll be done with this scene next week. I hope I'm done with it next week anyways. But honestly I wouldn't be shock if it's got 2 if I add more like I did this section. I've also got a portion in this scene not posted and toward the end of the following scene that are giving me trouble for approximately the same reason.
From last week's:
“Ryuji, you may have to think on whether you can too. Niijima-senpai and Okumura-senpai are college students and Kitagawa lives alone in a dorm,” Yuuki sweeped his hand across the table at the three members in question. “Niijima-san might voice a want to know where Niijima-senpai is, but I don’t think those two would stop each other if everyone is doing alright. Since she knows you all can take good care of yourselves and the world.” Yuuki added with a shrug.
Continuing on:
“Yeah, Sae just told me a few weeks ago that she doesn’t expect to see me a lot this summer and to keep everyone out of trouble,” Makoto nodded as she explained. “But Yuuki-kun, I thought both Haru and I have expressed a want to at least drop the senpai?”
“Him and Sumire-chan are always so polite. But aren’t we at least friends by now, Yuuki-kun?” Haru reached over Akira to hold Yuuki’s hand.
“Yes?” Yuuki received one of the brightest beaming smiles from the heiress and a few laughs from the gathered friends.
“And it’s ‘we’ can! You’ve been a part of us for a while now,” Morgana called as he jumped onto Futaba, causing her to squeak in surprise.
Makoto directed her attention back squarely on their curly haired header. “Speaking of Sumire-chan, she has a gymnastics camp for this first week of summer that ends in a competition.” She got a nod in response from him.
“So that’s why she wasn’t here!”
Futaba threw a ball of napkins at the blond boy as she asked, “Did you not read that group text, Ryuji?”
“What? Akira didn’t know either, right?” The blond looked to his friend for reassurance and confirmation and got a confused nod. Once he turned back to Futaba, Ryuji waved his hand towards Akira and opened his mouth.
Only for his hands to near immediately be put down onto the table by Ann, which closed his mouth. The model explained “He wasn’t in that group chat since she told us in the party planning group.”
“On what I was talking about, Tak…Ann-san’s parents are rarely around and freely allow her to take modeling jobs at her own leisure and study abroad. She has the ability to have a believable story or the money to be able to travel Japan under her own power.” Yuuki had gotten a little flustered as Akira put his arm around his waist but quickly adjusted back into a comfortable position and pace.
“Why are you going backwards on names, Yuuki?” Futaba asked as she got off the ledge to lean against it, Morgana moving to lean on her shoulders.
Ann looked between the two techies before ignoring the name flub. She went on to say, “Yeah, my parents left for their own summer vacation yesterday and won’t be back for at least 2 weeks.”
Makoto asked the blonde, “And technically you are only here due to summer break in the US being around the same time, right?”
“Yeah! I’ll be a year behind in graduating here in Japan, but maybe that will work out in my favor.” Ann shrugged as she smiled. “But it's the middle of the summer break before my year there so I wouldn’t have many friends or things to do there right now if I even went now.”
“Your parents will be in a show in Copenhagen, correct?” Yusuke asked fairly suddenly. The artist idly continued, “I wonder what beauty could be found there…”
Ann blinked at Yusuke. “Uh, yeah. When did I mention that?”
“You did not. A potential patron mentioned his agency prepping some work for there and your parents were listed in some of the noteworthy guests lists.”
“Yusuke, I-”
Futaba tapped the cat on her shoulder’s nose as she said, “Nope, let Inari have this win, Kitty.”
“I am not-” Morgana started to say something again before being booped again before Futaba began to play-fight him.
Yuuki smiled at the orange haired girl as he continued his ramble to Ryuji, “And Futaba-chan, well let’s just say between Sak… Boss not being too different from Niijima-san in opinion, she’ll also be with Akira.”
“Older brother, right,” Ryuji nodded along with that reasoning.
“Ryuji! Niishima! Stop being so embarrassing!” Futaba looked back at them while pausing her onslaught on Morgana.
“You weren’t saying that a few weeks ago when they took you to the arcade in Akihabara for a break from studying, Taba-chan,” Haru teased the younger girl.
“Haru, not you too!”
Apparently Futaba stopped paying attention to Morgana long enough for her to get a paw flat to her nose with the cat squawking a delighted “Gotcha!” Futaba fell backwards causing both to go crashing to the floor and everyone else to give some laughter. The geek gathered Morgana to pet him more in apologies.
#persona 5#p5#mishima yuuki#kurusu akira#sakamoto ryuji#niijima makoto#morgana#sakura futaba#okumura haru#takamaki ann#phantom thieves#I don't know where Futaba and Morgana being silly in this way came from#probably them spending a lot of time together in the new year before being separated by Akira moving?#its a joy to write someone doing more than sitting at a table...#.... I'm dreading another scene's detailing/editing process. Sojiro in the background is the only thing that's gonna save me I'm guessing#And might make it seem less like I just randomly add him when I want#Everyone present gets at least a couple lines today's and we are only missing 5 for how many I'm gonna need to add to the balance long term#Most scenes I've tried to get all people to talk regularly have several conversations happing simultaneously but read each one at a time#royal strikers#2.2/?#shuyuu#and its getting more blatant as they hopefully get back into their groove#(and me mine)#And it definitely isn't that I don't do further editing but these are at least at comfortable points for me when I post here#its often is a few sentences here and there taken out edited and most importantly added#which is a big reason I'm not ready to post to AO3 yet#I wouldn't want to drive people nuts with editing updates
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Happens to the best of us
Bucky x Y/N
Bucky wants babies.
Requests Open!
Warnings: implied smut
Bucky couldn’t help but stare.
He leaned against the kitchen counter of the compound, arms crossed, sipping at a beer that had long since gone warm. The raucous sounds of the Avengers’ party filled the air—laughter, music, the occasional clang of plates or bottles—but all of it was background noise to him. His gaze was locked on you, on Y/N, across the room, sitting on the floor in the living room.
Morgan Stark was giggling loudly, hands waving excitedly as Y/N built an elaborate tower of colorful blocks, her soft voice guiding the girl through every step of the process. “And look! If we put this one right here—” Y/N placed the final block delicately at the top, balancing it with a careful touch. “—we’ve got ourselves a masterpiece.”
Morgan gasped dramatically, her eyes going wide as she clapped her hands together. “It’s so tall! It’s the biggest tower ever!”
Y/N beamed at the little girl, the expression so full of warmth and love that Bucky felt his chest tighten. Morgan clambered into her lap, curling into her with a sense of trust and affection that made something primal stir deep within him.
He couldn’t stop thinking about how natural it looked—how easy, how right. You and a little one.
The thought had been poking at the edges of his mind all evening, ever since you’d arrived at the party.
You’d barely left Morgan’s side, whether it was helping her sneak extra desserts from the snack table (something that got you both a stern but fond look from Pepper) or carrying her around on your shoulders as she pretended to fly like Iron Man. And the whole time, Bucky watched. Watched the way you moved, the way you interacted, how effortlessly you handled every tantrum, every sugar-fueled burst of energy.
It made his heart ache—in the best possible way.
“Buck, you good?”
Sam’s voice pulled him out of his trance. Bucky blinked, realizing his friend was standing beside him now, raising an eyebrow as he leaned casually against the counter.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Bucky muttered, tearing his eyes away from you to focus on the beer in his hand.
Sam chuckled. “You’ve been staring at Y/N for the past hour, man. You sure you’re fine?”
Bucky rolled his eyes, but the smile tugging at his lips betrayed him. He tried to play it off, taking another sip of the lukewarm beer. “Just…admiring the view, I guess.”
“Uh-huh,” Sam smirked. “Sure. You’ve got that look, man.”
“What look?”
“That look. The ‘I’m head-over-heels, wrapped-around-her-finger, ready-to-settle-down’ look.” Sam bumped his shoulder against Bucky’s, chuckling when the ex-assassin groaned in response. “Don’t worry, old man. Happens to the best of us.”
Bucky shot him a glare, but the playful tone in Sam’s voice made it hard to be annoyed. Instead, he just grunted and turned his attention back to you, heart clenching as Morgan cuddled closer into your arms.
“I’m serious, man,” Sam continued, softer now. “You look like you’re thinking about something pretty heavy over there.”
Bucky didn’t respond, but he didn’t need to. Sam wasn’t wrong.
The night went on, and Bucky stayed mostly quiet, content to let the party swirl around him. Occasionally, you’d glance his way, sending him a bright smile before returning to your playful antics with Morgan. Each time, his heart skipped a beat.
By the time the party began winding down, the kids—especially Morgan—were wiped out, and the Avengers slowly started to trickle out of the compound. You helped Pepper and Tony gather Morgan’s things, giving the little girl a tight hug before bidding the Starks goodnight.
When you finally returned to Bucky’s side, you looked a little tired but completely content. “Ready to go home, doll?” he asked, his voice soft as his hand instinctively found the small of your back.
“Yeah, I think I’m done for the night,” you replied with a sleepy smile, leaning into his touch. “It was fun, though. Morgan’s a little firecracker.”
“Yeah, I noticed,” Bucky chuckled, but his mind was still swirling with thoughts, images of you and Morgan together playing over and over in his head. “You were great with her.”
You shrugged, brushing it off like it was no big deal, but Bucky could see the faint blush coloring your cheeks. “She’s a sweetheart. Honestly, I love kids. They’re fun.”
Love kids. The words echoed in his mind, sending a jolt of warmth through him that he tried to ignore for the moment.
The car ride home was mostly quiet, save for the low hum of the radio in the background. You rested your head against the window, eyes half-closed, while Bucky kept one hand on the wheel and the other loosely intertwined with yours on the center console. It felt…peaceful. Comfortable. Yet, underneath it all, there was this tension building inside him, an unspoken desire simmering just below the surface.
He didn’t know how to bring it up, didn’t know how to start that conversation. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized it wasn’t something he could just push aside. Not anymore.
When you got home, you kicked off your shoes and wandered into the living room, stretching your arms above your head with a satisfied groan. “That was a good night,” you said, smiling over your shoulder at him as you began to pull off your jacket.
Bucky followed behind you, his gaze trailing the curve of your spine as you moved. He felt the heat in his chest grow stronger, something heavier, more intense than he’d expected. His mind kept drifting back to the party, to you and Morgan, to the idea that had been slowly taking root in his brain all night.
It didn’t take long for you to notice the shift in his mood. You turned to face him, frowning slightly as you tossed your jacket onto the back of the couch. “You’ve been quiet since we left the party. What’s going on in that head of yours?”
Bucky hesitated, his mouth opening and closing a few times as he tried to find the right words. But he couldn’t. So instead, he took a deep breath and stepped closer, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you flush against his chest. “Just thinking, doll,” he murmured, his voice low as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “That’s all.”
“Uh-huh.” You raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. You reached up, cupping his face in your hands as you searched his eyes. “You’ve been weird ever since we left the party. Tell me what’s going on.”
Bucky sighed, his heart pounding in his chest. There was no escaping this now. He might as well just say it. “It’s just…watching you with Morgan tonight,” he began, his voice soft, almost unsure. “You were amazing with her. It made me think about…about us. About our future.”
Your brow furrowed in confusion for a moment, but then realization dawned on you, your eyes widening slightly. “Our future?” you echoed, your voice just above a whisper. “You mean…?”
“Yeah,” Bucky nodded, his hands tightening on your waist. “I mean…a family. Kids. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”
You stared at him for a moment, processing his words. Then, slowly, a smile tugged at the corners of your lips. “Bucky Barnes, are you telling me you’ve got baby fever?”
He groaned, his face flushing with embarrassment as he buried it in the crook of your neck. “Don’t make fun of me, kitten,” he mumbled, his voice muffled against your skin.
You laughed softly, running your fingers through his hair as you tilted your head back to give him better access to your neck. “I’m not making fun of you. I just didn’t think I’d ever hear those words come out of your mouth.”
Bucky pulled back just enough to meet your gaze, his expression serious now. “I’m not saying we have to do anything about it too soon if you don’t want to. But…I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Seeing you with Morgan tonight…it made me realize how much I want that. With you.”
Your heart swelled at his words, your smile softening as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. It was slow, tender, full of love and unspoken promises. When you finally pulled away, you rested your forehead against his, your voice barely above a whisper. “I want that too, Bucky.”
The way he looked at you then—like you were his whole world, his future, his everything—it sent a shiver down your spine. He leaned in, his lips brushing against your ear as he whispered, “You’d make such a good mommy, doll. I could see it tonight.”
You felt the heat rising in your cheeks, your heart racing as his words stirred something deep inside you. “And you’d be an amazing daddy,” you replied, your voice laced with mischief. “I know it.”
His grip on your waist tightened, his breath hot against your skin as he kissed along your jawline, his lips trailing down to your neck. “You think so?”
“Yup, the best,” you whispered, your hands tangling in his hair as he pressed his body closer to yours, the heat between you building with each passing.
“Doll?” He mumbled into your neck. The warmth of his breath raising goosebumps on your neck.
“Hm?”
“Can I put a baby in you?”
You brain stopped function for a fraction of a second and the air midway up your throat disappeared. “I…Right now?” You asked with a hint of disbelieving laughter.
“Yeah. Right now.” With a firm nod, his metal hand squeezed at the flesh of your ass, which happened to be one of his favorite things to play with.
“Can’t wait until you’re bigger, just swollen with my kids…” The words alone made him shiver. The thought of you sitting there, belly round and full of the babies he put in there, breasts growing and tender, filled with milk for his children. That was hot. It was making a familiar tingle slither across his chest and downwards.
“So? Can I?” He inquired, rather impatiently.
“Uh, yeah-..I…okay.” You nod. Still in shock that this was even happening.
“Don’t sound very sure.” Tightening his grip, he pushes you closer to him and you can feel the bulge in his pants pressing against your core, the small ball of tension forming right under his crotch.
“Yes. Yes, put a baby in me, now.”
“Say please, Doll.”
…………………………………………………………………………………..…………...………..
Part 2…? 🤨
Part 2 is now out!
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✩ ‧₊˚ ✩ GETO SENSEI — GETO SUGURU.
contents. based on this drabble and this drabble, post hidden inventory arc, healing suguru agenda !!, fluff + established relationships, suguru wants to become a teacher :,) bc teacher suguru is what we deserved
“mwah,” you press a wet kiss to suguru’s cheek. “there,” you said proudly, “another kiss for my sugu. want more?”
“i think i’m okay now, baby. thank you—”
“mwah,” you kiss his forehead, giggling, “i have a lot more where that came from, y’know.”
“i believe it,” he shakes his head, a ghost of a smile tugging at his lips, “you don’t seem to run out.”
“my sugu needs all the kisses he can get,” you gasp, “they’re good for his health!”
suguru smiles softly at that, closes his eyes and leans into you as you brush back his bangs from his face and thread your fingers into his hair, scratching gently along his scalp as he sighs. you watch him relax, content with the way his under eyes seem to be less dark as of late. you brush a thumb under his eyes, feeling the soft skin before gently stroking along his cheek.
“don’t you have a mission tomorrow?” he asks quietly, letting his head droop into your hand as you cup his cheek.
“i do,” you nod, “but i have some time to kill before i go to bed.”
“you should rest,” he mumbles, “you don’t want to be tired while you’re out there.”
“i’ll get rest, suguru,” you assure with a roll of your eyes, “your hair’s a bit longer, don’t you think?”
“yeah,” he tilts his head as you reach to grab at his bun, pulling the hair tie to let his hair fall freely down to his shoulder. “i guess i should cut it.”
“i like it,” you pout, “‘s pretty like this.”
“yeah?” he grins, cracking an eye open to look at you in amusement, “should i keep growing it for you then?”
“you should,” you nod, “i’ll braid it.”
“yeah, as if,” he raises an eyebrow, unimpressed, “satoru’s never gonna let me hear the end of it if he sees.”
“he won’t see!”
“you said that last time when you put my hair in space buns, remember? and then you showed him a picture.”
“baby,” you gasp, “what happened to forgiving and forgetting? that was me of the past—i’ve grown! i won’t betray you like that again.”
you hold a hand up as an oath, nodding seriously to prove your point. he looks at you unconvinced before chuckling and leaning in, pressing a kiss to your cheek.
“today wasn’t so bad,” he mumbles, “i liked today.”
“yeah?” you smile, letting his head fall to the crook of your neck, shuffling closer on his lap as your arms wrap around him.
he nods into your shoulder, “yeah.”
“good,” you murmur, “you’ll be okay. even if it takes some time.”
“sometimes it doesn’t feel like it,” he admits, cheek pressed against your shoulder as he speaks into your skin. your fingers are in his hair—they seem to never leave, and he hopes they never do. your hand rubs up and down his back, slowly, like it’ll snap in two if you go too fast.
“you will, baby,” you say sweetly, kissing his head as you twist his hair into a messy bun, tying it with his hair tie as you speak.
suguru is healing—you like to think so. he smiles more, sometimes they even meet his eyes all the way. he sleeps better, eats more healthy, seeks you out when things are crushing on his shoulders. there’s something lighter about him, something less heavy and tormented and even if he’s still empty sometimes, you always find him at the right moments.
sometimes, suguru is lost—and maybe you can’t always guide him out, but you can be lost together.
sometimes that’s enough.
“i think…” he starts, trailing off hesitantly. your hand hikes under his shirt, rubbing the bare skin of his back—it’s always calmed him more that way, feeling you without the barrier of fabric in the way.
“you think?” you encourage, letting him take his time to process his thoughts.
“i think i want to teach,” he mumbles, “here, at jujutsu high. but…but do it better. i think i’d do it better, y’know? the way kids deserve.”
you smile at that—proud, a little heartbroken deep down. people have failed suguru, they’ve failed you too. and satoru. and shoko. and nanami. and haibara too—and it’s up to you all to piece yourselves back together. maybe you can all do it together, one cracked, sharp little piece at a time.
sometimes the edges will slice your skin, will reopen old wounds and make you bleed all over again just when you thought you were done bleeding. but suguru has you to bandage the cuts, and you have him too. and everyone else, as well.
you pull away, cup his cheeks and press a soft kiss to his lips as you close your eyes. his hands lay over yours, and he thinks, for a brief moment, you’re right.
maybe he will be okay—maybe he won’t be the same, but he can be new. and that’s not always so bad.
“i think that’s a great idea,” you whisper, “i think you’ll be amazing. what kids will need.”
“well, i’ll try,” he chuckles, pressing his forehead to yours, “and who knows, maybe you can call me geto sensei here and there.”
“we’ll see about that,” you snort. he pouts, making you lean in and kiss those jutted lips of his with a quick peck.
“i’ll convince you,” he says confidently, “you’ll be the only one i let get extra credit.”
“oh i’m honored,” you giggle, “i’ll stay in school just for you.”
“how sweet,” he grins.
you kiss him after that, and he kisses you back. your lips taste like strawberry chapstick, and your arms are warm and tight around him, and even if curses taste vile and the world is coldly unforgiving, suguru can make it through each day with at least one real smile with you by his side.
it’s not so hard when you’re around.
“i love you,” you breathe. it’s enough, he thinks, you’re enough.
“i love you too,” he kisses your jaw, “i’ll love you more if you call me geto sensei, though.”
yes this is my own version of canon. u can’t take it away from me. in MY world (the only world that matters) suguru heals and becomes a teacher <3 and fucks me over his desk
#operation: heal suguru!#teepods.writings#drabbles.#geto x reader#geto fluff#geto x you#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen fluff#geto suguru x reader#geto suguru x you#geto suguru fluff
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🎀Things I’ve learned about Shifting 🎀
1. Background noise doesn’t matter. I come from a Hispanic family household and let me tell you hun it’s freaking loud as hell. It’s like a zoo lol but guess what? I still shifted. At some point you will start to feel your CR kinda “fade away”. I have been in this state where I am in between my CR and DR. I can hear background noise from my CR but I still feel like I’m in a different room or I hear sounds from my DR as well. Has anyone experienced this?? Let me know, I’m curious 🤨
2. Have patience. Allow yourself to relax and naturally connect to your DR. Don’t stress about having random thoughts or having an itch or things like that. Have patience with yourself like seriously you got this babe. Sometimes for me it’s feels like it’s takes 1 or 2 hours until I feel fully connected to my DR. (It’s different for everyone btw) you may take less time than I do. Those things don’t matter if you decide that those things don’t matter.
3. Methods really aren’t needed. If you think about it all methods consist of the same thing usually. It usually consists of affirmations, visualization, subliminal audios, meditation, counting, blah blah blah. If you want to use a method, then do that but don’t force yourself to do a method that doesn’t resonate with you. If you don’t like counting, then don’t count. If you don’t like visualizing, then don’t visualize. Change things up a bit and listen to music that reminds you of your DR or do something that you think is fun.
4. Just because some people like to lie about their shifting experiences doesn’t mean that shifting is fake. Just like in every community there is going to be people that are dishonest or don’t have the best intentions but that doesn’t mean that shifting is a big inside joke. Don’t allow these people to discourage you from shifting to your DR or make you doubt in its existence. Don’t depend on other people's content to feel motivated or believe in shifting. Just KNOW it’s real and motivate yourself to shift. (even though motivation isn’t needed to shift)
5. Shifting is Real. I think we all should know this by now, but I don’t think people really fully understand just how REAL shifting is. I mean you are going to be able to use all of your senses. You will be able to taste food, see your reflection in the mirror, talk to people that may be considered as fictional in this reality, etc. The process of shifting is safe but if you are shifting somewhere that has violence or gore make sure you script your own well-being. High pain tolerance, no trauma, etc.
6. Time isn't important. Just because it's been 4 years or 5 doesn't mean you can't do it. Time doesn't apply to shifting because time is just man-made thing. We created the concept of time not the Universe. Don't blame the Universe for your "Failure". (Spoiler alert: it's not failure) You just need to realize that no matter what, it will happen. It is completely inevitable. Some people have shifted after 5 years so don't give up! It will be worth it.
7. You can't fail at shifting. When you do your method, you will shift to your DR or shift to your CR. You shift all the time. We are constantly shifting consciously or unconsciously. Manifestation and shifting are very much closely related. (But that's another discussion for another time) Just like how we are manifesting on autopilot we are also shifting on autopilot. So, when you do a sleep method, and you wake up in this reality instead of your DR you still shifted. (Just not to your DR) (Get it?)
I hope you found this post helpful! :)
#affirmations#desired reality#law of the universe#shifting#shifting realities#reality shifting community#reality shift#reality shifting#shifting community#shifters#shiftblr
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Cruel Summer | E.M.
Eddie does his very best to help you through the current heatwave — eddie x pregnant!reader fluff
warnings: pregnancy, a little angst if you squint
words: 1.6k
Boiling.
That was the only way your trailer could be described right now. It was one of Indiana’s hottest summers on record, and it didn’t help that you were six months pregnant and living in an aluminum box.
You owned three electric fans, and they were all on full blast and aimed at the couch, but they really weren’t making as much of a difference as you needed.
There was a series of thuds coming from something or other outside the thin walls of your trailer, so you assumed your husband was home. And you were proven right when he entered, immediately apologising for leaving you alone in this heat.
He had no reason to be sorry. Eddie has been so attentive and helpful through this pregnancy, showing you exactly why you fell in love with him everyday, and he was even proving it now.
Since he just came back from a quick run to the store for some ice, fruit, and frozen treats, he set everything he bought on the recliner before crouching down next to you.
He pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead and started lightly stroking some of your hair.
“How are you feeling?” Eddie asked.
You gave him a side eye, too exhausted to even lift your head. “Take a guess, Teddy.”
He smiled slightly. If it was at the use of your favourite nickname for him or your exasperated joke, you weren’t quite sure.
“I know that, sweetheart, and I’m sorry. Hopefully I can help a little.”
“Thank you. Did they have black cherry ice cream?”
He hummed out a quiet ‘mhm’ then stood up with a stifled groan. “But it might have melted a bit on the way back. I’ll put it in the freezer and we can have it soon.”
“What about oranges?”
That was your latest craving. The ice cream and popsicles were luxuries to get you through the heat; the oranges were necessities. You were thankful that your cravings switched from tomato soup to citrus just in time for the heatwave, or you weren’t sure how you would get through it at all.
Eddie made his way back over to the living room and picked up a paper bag from the recliner.
“Big bag of ‘em, just for you.”
Hoping to dive right into the bag of fruits, you attempted to sit up, but the baby bump paired with the immense summer heat rendered the process slow and tiring.
Eddie watched as you moved sluggishly, pitying how this heatwave was taking an extra hefty toll on you.
“Don’t push yourself.” He advised gently while holding out his hand for you. “I’ll help you with whatever, even if it’s just getting up.”
You thanked him, then grabbed a cutting board and paring knife so you could slice the oranges how you like.
“You know,” Eddie spoke again. “I was thinking that we could stay at someone else’s place for a bit. Just to get through the heat, you know? I’m sure everyone we know would be more than happy to have us over.”
You started shaking your head before Eddie even finished the proposition. He and you both knew what your answer would be, but Eddie figured there was no harm in asking.
He really just wanted the best for you. He wanted you to be safe and comfortable, and although that obviously was something you wanted too, you just couldn’t accept his offer.
“Eddie, I know you just want me to be happy, but I promise you I’m happiest here, at home, with you.”
He sighs, torn between wanting to get you out of this sauna of a trailer and letting you decide what’s best for yourself. In the end, he had to go with your choice, even if it meant suffering; both of you suffering together wasn’t the worst thing ever, he supposed.
“Alright. Want me to at least draw you a bath?”
“Will you feed me orange slices and ice cream while I’m in the bath?” With wide eyes, you flashed him a hopeful smile.
He rolled his eyes jokingly, then smiled sincerely back at you. “Of course, anything you want.”
You let out a happy giggle, then took the ice cream out of the freezer almost as quickly as it got there.
He kissed you on the forehead before heading off to the small bathroom.
You heard the sound of running water, then your husband’s voice. “Make sure to scoop enough so I can have some too!”
You happily obliged and doled out an extra scoop into the bowl. Then you plucked one ripe cherry from the bag in your fridge and placed it atop the dessert. That was Eddie’s favourite, and if he was being so nice to you, then you would return the favour.
You took the time to clean the kitchen up, then brought both the ice cream and the orange slices to the bathroom to see Eddie sitting by the tub and turning off the water.
“It’s a little bit cooler than usual.” He warned. “I just didn’t want the water to be too hot when the whole place is already hot and you’re—”
You cut him off by pressing a kiss to his lips, then another on the corner of his mouth.
“Thank you, baby. Now hold these while I get undressed. And then turn around.”
“I don’t get to watch?” Your husband asked, baring one of the most betrayed looks you’ve ever seen.
You shook your head. “I promise, you don’t want to see me struggling to get my clothes off because they’re drenched in sweat and I’m about to enter my third trimester. I mean it, don’t look. I don’t want you losing all attraction to me.”
Your husband sighed dramatically, then obeyed and turned slowly to face the other way.
It only took a bit of effort, but you took off your dress and placed it on the towel rack beside you. Then came a wolf whistle from right behind you. After turning around, you noticed that Eddie could totally see you in the bathroom mirror.
“Pervert.” You mock accused. “Does me being all gross and pregnant really turn you on?”
“Everything about you turns me on.”
And he meant that. Not an ounce of insincerity in that promise.
You faked a gag and then smiled just because you couldn’t help it. Holding out a hand, you asked if he could help you into the tub and he obviously did so after putting your food down on the counter.
“How’s the water?” He asked. “I can add some hot or cold water if the temperature is off.”
“It’s amazing, handsome. Perfect temperature for some orange slices.”
Eddie chose the slice that was calling to him the most and held it for you to bite. Some of the juices missed your lips and dropped into the bathwater, but you paid that no mind.
You were thankful that your husband bought a whole bag of these, because you had a feeling your diet over the next few days would be mainly oranges.
After a few more slices, you decided you now wanted some of the black cherry ice cream that you had also been craving recently.
As Eddie held the spoon up close to your lips, he noted that this was similar to feeding a baby—something you would be experiencing soon enough.
“I don’t know about that.” You said. “I think a baby would be a lot more difficult to feed than me.”
Eddie cringed exaggeratedly and shrugged, telling you he doesn’t know about that either.
Maybe proving his point, you splashed about a cup’s worth of water at his chest, taking care in your aim to make sure none of it got in your ice cream. He ‘retaliated’ by doing the same to you, though the water didn’t affect you when you were already in a whole tub of it.
“Do you want to join me?” You proposed, gesturing vaguely to the tub so small that you had to cram just to sit alone in.
“I don’t think this thing can fit both of us, baby. You enjoy it now, and a big tub will be on the top of our list when we buy a new house.”
“It’ll take a while.” You told Eddie. “A lot of our savings are gonna go to the baby, and who knows when we’ll be able to leave the trailer park.”
“Don’t say that. We’ve been working hard and saving. We’ll get there soon.” Eddie assured you. “And even if we can only afford a place without a big tub, I’ll live in the dark and eat nothing but salt and pepper for as long as it takes to get you one.”
You tried to hide your grin, but you knew you were failing at it. Maybe he didn’t think you believed him, so he kept going.
“I’m serious. We’re almost there.” Eddie looked down at your bump sticking out of the water. “Our baby is gonna have a good life”
“You’re so cheesy, Teddy.”
“I’m in love. Love makes you do cheesy things.”
“Like feeding me ice cream in the bathtub?” You asked, attempting to not put your true intentions on display.
But Eddie understood, just like he always does. He picked up the spoon once more and scooped a heap just for you.
“Like feeding you ice cream in the bathtub.” He nodded in agreement.
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