#I guess they never grew up online like I did

[valvesoftware]

breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh

[nopanamaman]

How does the stalker business work?

Loredump. October 2023

A web of alliances, insiders, clients, and territorial disputes - this is what forms the stalker business, a domain that’s as illegal as it is profitable.

Today, we’ll delve into the basic origins and inner workings of this peculiar profession. Let’s find out how these glorified marauders operate!

How did the stalker business develop?

The stalker business emerged almost as soon as the Zone itself was born. But, much like every structure based around the Zone itself, it became more refined - and more corrupt - as years went on.

What started as individuals travelling the Zone completely on their own accord grew into a network of organised groups with their own informants, clientele and designated territories. Yet when it looked like major alliances had become fully solidified with a couple of large groups operating across vast stretches of the Zone, the development of the internet put a dent in the system.

Yura: Do I really need to know the territorial policies of 70s factions Sergei: YES Olya: No.

As many information-gathering and order-related operations moved online, doing business in smaller groups became a more viable option. Nowadays, the majority choose to operate in gangs of up to 30 people.

Since the business has grown more decentralised and, in a way, accessible, the competition within it has increased dramatically. Territories are less clearly defined and run-ins with members of rivalling gangs are commonplace. When it comes to the human factor, it’s more dangerous than it ever was.

How are the little groups organised?

Modern stalker groups are typically formed around somebody who has direct connections to potential clients or those able to nicely aggregate information about the Zone’s current state. So any group needs at least one product reseller and one strategic leader, which can sometimes be the same person.

The latter is true for Sergei's group, for instance.

He is responsible for processing orders, evaluating the delivered artefacts, reselling them, gathering up to date information about the Zone’s landscape and traffic, and helping the available stalkers plan their trips accordingly. It’s a heavy workload, so having just one person performing all of those tasks wouldn’t be manageable on a larger scale.

Obviously enough, smaller groups are more reliant on the quality of their individual members, even more so when they have a specific role to fill. If we use known members of Sergei’s group as examples, they fit pretty neatly into the following roles:

Radar (радар). Formerly fulfilled by Kolya – a stalker with an outstanding sense for anomalies. Irreplaceable for navigating the more treacherous parts of the Zone. Yura was going to inherit that role.

Doctor (доктор). Self-explanatory. While it’s recommended that all stalkers undergo some form of first aid training, it never hurts to have someone with a deeper knowledge of medicine on the team. This role was filled by Nikita.

Insider (свояк). As the name suggests, it’s a person that helps in various aspects of stalker work by providing client contacts, guard post information, info about other gangs’ operations, and so on depending on their position. Insiders don’t usually take part in actual trips or even work with specific stalker groups, but Olya is built different.

Ram (таран). The muscle of the group. You don’t need to be especially physically fit to navigate the Zone,but when things become dire, it absolutely helps. This was Sergei’s role when he still travelled the Zone.

These are arbitrary designations and many don’t fit into one particular role. That said, creating a balanced group of 3 is easier when there’s a fair understanding of each person’s strengths.

Yura: Oh, kinda like video game classes! Sanya: Yeah, I guess. Yura: So who would I be? Sanya: Support.

What does the typical work cycle look like?

An order is either placed on an online marketplace or is mailed directly to a trusted trader. The trader then passes the information to the strategist, who analyses the current Zone layout, as well as the latest available information about the placements of various artefacts and anomalies.

The strategist then determines the optimal routes to retrieving the ordered goods. Some use special software to aid in the process. The service price is then estimated based on the difficulty of retrieval and transportation. If the initial price suggested in the order is lower than this estimate, price negotiations will ensue.

Once the minimal price is agreed on, the actual planning starts. A group of three is gathered from the pool of available stalkers. They are all informed about the mission specifics and the route they need to travel - this is when the team can discuss and make adjustments to the plan.

Nikita: No, no, this route will be way too stressful for Olyechka. Perhaps, she should sit this one out? Olya: If we don't make this route shorter, Nikita won't come back, I'm afraid. Nikita: Well, aren't you a treat. Anyways, Serozha, my leg has been getting worse and I won't make this climb. Olya: Perhaps, you should sit this one out.

After the artefacts are delivered to the trader, their quality is evaluated. Stalkers tend to pick up whatever valuables they find on the way, which means extra cash for them and more work for the trader.

Once the evaluation is complete, stalkers are paid off and the products are resold at a significantly higher price. The artefacts that were specifically ordered are exchanged for the agreed upon amount of money and the extra stuff is peddled to other high-paying customers.

Since selling artefacts is a risky and complicated endeavour in itself, most stalkers are content with the paychecks they get from their trader.

Finally, when everything is done, stalkers may anonymously share information about their trip to the online community. But considering the competitive nature of the business, not everyone is willing to help out their fellow colleagues – or really, not everyone wants to talk about the things they’ve seen.

What is the online stalker community like?

As was already mentioned, the internet has majorly changed how stalkers went about receiving orders and information about the Zone. It has become an important channel for communication and securing deals.

Firstly, all of the relevant platforms are on the deep web. Secondly, all of them are invite-only.

The three major platforms are:

Doska (literally “the board” as in bulletin board)

A marketplace where orders are placed and taken up by anyone interested, as well as an auction platform for selling off artefacts. Widely used by groups and stalkers who have not yet gained established clients.

Krematorii (crematorium)

A closed forum. Discussions, rumours, shitposting.

10K Crematorium karma

14KKM (as in 14 thousand kilometers, the approximate area of the Zone)

A dynamically updated map of the Zone. User-managed, hence chaotic and unreliable.

Users can mark locations of witnessed anomalies and artefact positions, which others can confirm or downvote. A marking needs to be confirmed by at least 4 people before it is put down and is removed if at least 4 people downvote it. All markings can be commented on.

Most of the community tries to maintain it more or less accurately for the sake of their own future missions, but there are malefactors that will add false markers to it. Should be taken with a huge grain of salt.

Of course, it bears mentioning that there are plenty of fake online communities on the surface web. Those are rife with people roleplaying as stalkers, scammers, kids, and just shitposters. No actual stalker uses those for business.

Rules regarding the Zone

Though the information side of things has changed a lot, the core methodology of travelling the Zone itself remained the same. Sets of universal rules became solidified over the years, which can be described as a mixture of operational protocols and esoteric beliefs.

What are the basic operational protocols?

Basic operational protocols outline best practices for dealing with simple anomalies, traversing the Zone, bypassing guard posts, and handling difficult situations (mercy kills, painless death, encountering other stalkers).

Some common recommendations include:

use projectiles (usually bolts with pieces of cloth attached for visibility) to check for gravitational anomalies;

operate in groups of three - two do the job, the third one watches on;

do not consume any food or drinks you find;

avoid unnatural shadows;

do not stay at the Hollow for over 20 minutes (your body will start to decay);

do not approach the Town (your body will permanently distort);

do not handle fizzy clay without rubber gloves (will leave you debilitated or addicted to the substance);

always send the draisine back;

don't photograph ghosts;

etc.

They are objective results of many years of trial and error. Going against them is likely to end in death or injury regardless of your personal qualities. In other words, there is little dispute over the validity of these rules. The same cannot be set for the second ruleset.

What are stalker beliefs?

The Zone favours the miserable. The desperate, the broken, the lonely. The Zone favours ones that are willing to give up their whole being to her, to completely entrust themselves to her whims. She rewards dejection.

These are common truths to some and hogwash to others. There is no solid proof for any of these claims - how can there be? However, there is no happy stalker, and there is no living stalker without a scar. To many, that's evidence enough.

On top of that, there are some group-specific philosophies. They include:

the Zone is a holy place that needs to be revered;

the Zone is an ulcer of the world that needs to be cleansed;

the Zone is the new stage of Earth’s evolution;

the Zone is divine punishment;

the Zone is a point of contact with a parallel universe;

and many others.

These philosophies dictate how people go about their activities in the Zone in a more ritualistic sense. It’s hard to devise whether or not those little rituals have any effect that isn’t purely psychological.

There is a good number of people that hold a purely cynical view of the Zone. But whether they admit it or not, everyone gradually develops a sense of fear and reverence for it. How they compartmentalise it is a different question.

Conclusion

I could write more about the topic, but as of now, I think this general outline should suffice. The stalker business is a multifaceted enterprise to say the least, so hopefully this article has shed the light on its most essential aspects.

Perhaps, there will one day be a more in-depth follow-up! Who knows. As we continue to unveil the enigmatic layers of the Zone, only time will reveal the full extent of its mysteries... And the engimatic layers of shitty Stalker forums, I guess.

[chukys-mouthguard]

23. “Just when I think you couldn’t make me go even weaker in the knees, you go and say stuff like that. Do you want me to collapse? Maybe melt into a puddle too while I’m at it?”

luke with his gf

Prompt: “Just when I think you couldn’t make me go even weaker in the knees, you go and say stuff like that. Do you want me to collapse? Maybe melt into a puddle too while I’m at it?”

Note: i feel like Luke is so hard for me to read that i had to do research before writing this 😂 like Jack and Quinn give off energy and vibes that are easy for me to read, Luke is literally the opposite, so hopefully i did him justice for my first time writing with him

“Oh my gosh, what a day!”

With a sigh you fell back onto the couch, Luke softly chuckling at you as he unpacked the takeout you’d ordered from your favorite Chinese restaurant.

“Yeah, it was really fun. Can’t wait to see how many hearts break when photos end up online of Jack and his girlfriend out there.”

Joining Luke in the kitchen you searched for your takeout container while he handed you a plate. “Yeah, Jack is gonna be Mr. Heartbreaker for a few days. The girls will get over it I’m sure.”

The two of you taking your food over to the living room, this becoming a routine you’d shared in your relationship for a few months now. Every couple weeks you’d order takeout, trying to be mindful of both of your diets, though Luke’s claims it should be a weekly tradition. The two of you’d sit on the floor around the coffee table and talk for hours while eating dinner.

It was one thing you’d never gotten tired of. Loving the opportunity to enjoy the moments together just the two of you. Always having stories to talk about, especially when Jack and Luke were on the same team. He took every chance to chirp his brother he could.

“Did you see Lazar at family skate today?”

Immediately smiling as you thought back to Lazar on the ice with his wife and son, your heart melting at the thought of it. “Yes, oh my god he is so freaking cute. And Curtis seemed just over the moon getting to share that moment with him.”

Luke nodded as he dragged his fork through his food.

“It sort of makes me excited for the day that I’ll have that, well I mean, we I guess. Not just me.”

Your cheek flushing red at his words, leaving you speechless as he looked away embarrassed. “What??”

He nervously asked as you’d yet to say anything back to him.

“Just when I think you couldn’t make me go even weaker in the knees, you go and say stuff like that. Do you want me to collapse? Maybe melt into a puddle too while I’m at it?”

Luke just smiling as his cheeks grew red. He wasn’t the type to be overly emotional, leaving that role to you. But he’d felt comfortable enough to say what was on his mind.

He be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about the future with you, though only having been together a few years, he felt like it had been your whole lives. And judging by the blush on your cheeks and the smile on your face, it seemed like you weren’t opposed to the idea.

“Well, I don’t know. Just seeing guys have moments like that, can’t help but think about it happening to me you know?”

Nodding your head you couldn’t stop smiling, loving this side of Luke where he wasn’t afraid to be open and honest. Letting his guard down a bit and showing some emotion.

Moving to his side you curled up under his arm, wrapping your arms around him as he offered you a bite of his food.

“I love the idea of us having a moment like that one day.” Tilting your head up you gave him a kiss on the cheek as he smiled. “You, me, and our little girl skating around the ice.”

“Oh, you were thinking girl? Interesting, I thought boy.”

Luke shrugged as he stood up, walking to take the empty food containers to the kitchen.

“Well, looks like we are just gonna have to try for one of each then huh?”

Your eyes going wide as you stared at him, Luke just laughing while he cleaned up. “One of each? Oh my gosh, we don’t even have one kid yet and you’re already talking about multiple?”

Luke smirked at you from behind the door of the fridge as he put away the leftovers, enjoying how flustered the conversation had made you.

“It’s never too early to get started, or at least get some practice!”

[cool-fancier]

Running into You

Synopsis: You're just an ordinary person, but your life is about to take an extraordinary turn. Your friend Somi, a die-hard Blackpink fan, drags you to their concert. You stumble upon a quiet backstage area and bump into none other than Rosé, the main vocalist.

Word Count:6.9K (long one)

The afternoon sun filtered through the curtains of your living room, casting a soft, golden glow over the space. You were curled up on the couch with a book, trying to lose yourself in its pages, but your attention kept drifting. The words blurred together, the story losing its grip on you as your thoughts wandered.

Lately, everything seemed to have fallen into a predictable pattern, one that you couldn't quite break free from. Work, home, the occasional hangout with Somi, and then back to the routine. It wasn't that you were unhappy—just... stuck. There was a restlessness growing inside you, a need for something different, something that would shake up the monotony of your life.

"Why do you look like you're about to fall asleep?" Somi's voice cut through your reverie, pulling you back to the present. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the coffee table, her laptop open with several tabs displaying concert dates, fan forums, and YouTube videos.

You glanced up, startled by her sudden question. "I'm not about to fall asleep," you replied, closing the book with a sigh. "I'm just... not into this book, I guess."

Somi's eyes sparkled with that mischievous look she often had when she was up to something. "Maybe you need to do something more exciting tonight," she suggested, her voice light but full of energy.

You raised an eyebrow, curious but cautious. "Like what?"

"Like coming to a concert with me," she said, her grin widening as she leaned forward, clearly excited about whatever she had planned. "There's this band I've been dying to see live, and I've got an extra ticket. You should totally come with me!"

You frowned slightly, hesitating. "A concert? I don't know, Somi. You know I'm not really into crowds, and I don't even know who this band is."

Somi rolled her eyes, clearly having anticipated your reluctance. "Come on, it's Blackpink! Even if you're not familiar with them, I promise you'll have a good time. Their shows are legendary, and the energy is just insane. Plus, it's been forever since we did something fun together outside of this apartment."

"Blackpink?" you repeated, the name vaguely familiar, though you couldn't place it. You might have seen it online somewhere, but you couldn't recall ever listening to their music. "I don't know..."

Somi wasn't one to give up easily. She moved closer, her tone becoming more persuasive. "Please? It'll be a blast! And who knows, maybe you'll even meet someone interesting." She winked, the playful grin on her face impossible to resist.

You chuckled, leaning back against the couch as you played along. "Oh yeah? You think I'm going to find the love of my life at a concert?"

"Hey, it could happen!" Somi teased, nudging you with her foot. "I mean, you're single, ready to mingle, and you've been in a bit of a rut lately. What better place to shake things up?"

You rolled your eyes, but the smile tugging at your lips betrayed your amusement. "Right, because that's exactly how these things work."

Somi's grin only grew wider. "You never know! Besides, I've got a good feeling about this one. Who knows, maybe you'll even catch one of the members' eyes. There's this one, Rosé—I think you'd really like her."

"Rosé?" you repeated, trying to remember if you'd ever heard that name before. "Is she famous or something?"

Somi nodded eagerly. "Yup! She's the main vocalist, and she's absolutely gorgeous. I've always thought you two would be a perfect match."

You laughed, shaking your head in disbelief. "Now you're really dreaming. What would someone like her see in someone like me?"

"Don't sell yourself short," Somi said, her tone becoming more sincere. "You're smart, kind, and beautiful. Anyone would be lucky to be with you."

You smiled softly at her words, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. Somi always knew how to lift your spirits. "Thanks, Somi. But still, it's not exactly realistic, is it?"

"Maybe not," Somi admitted with a shrug. "But hey, at least come for the music and the experience. If nothing else, you'll get to see what all the hype is about."

You considered her words carefully. The prospect of something new, something different, was tempting. Maybe a night out was exactly what you needed to break the monotony.

"Alright," you finally said, giving in with a smile. "I'll go with you."

Somi's face lit up with excitement. "Yes! You won't regret it, I promise."

— — — —

The days leading up to the concert seemed to fly by, with Somi's enthusiasm never wavering. She tried to introduce you to Blackpink's music, playing their songs while you both worked around the apartment or during your commute together, but the details mostly flew over your head. The melodies were catchy, but with your busy schedule, you never really took the time to learn the names or faces behind the voices.

Each evening, after work or on lazy weekends, Somi would excitedly share a new song or music video, pointing out her favorite moments, but you only half-listened. It wasn't that you weren't interested; it was more that the music felt like background noise to everything else happening in your life. There was always something else to focus on—work deadlines, family obligations, and the usual demands of daily life.

But as the concert date approached, you couldn't help but notice a growing sense of anticipation within yourself. Maybe it was Somi's infectious excitement, or perhaps it was just the idea of doing something out of the ordinary, but you found yourself looking forward to the night more than you had initially expected.

The night of the concert arrived faster than you expected. As you and Somi got ready in your apartment, the excitement in the air was palpable. Somi was practically bouncing off the walls as she applied the finishing touches to her makeup.

"You look amazing," you said as you watched her in the mirror, genuinely impressed by her ability to transform her look for the occasion. Somi had gone all out, wearing a stylish outfit that perfectly captured the concert vibe—bold, chic, and a little edgy.

"Thanks! So do you," she replied, turning to give you a once-over. "See? I knew you'd get into the spirit of things."

You glanced at your reflection, feeling a bit more confident in your outfit. Somi had helped you pick out something that made you feel good—something that was still very much you but with a bit of flair. For the first time in a while, you actually felt excited about going out.

As you slipped into your jacket, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. There was something different about you tonight—a spark that you hadn't seen in a long time. It wasn't just the outfit or the makeup; it was the idea of stepping out of your comfort zone, of embracing something new.

"Okay, let's go before I change my mind," you joked, grabbing your jacket as you headed for the door.

Somi laughed, linking her arm with yours as you left the apartment. "No backing out now! We've got a concert to catch, and who knows? Maybe you'll even run into Rosé.”

You rolled your eyes playfully. "Yeah, because that's totally going to happen."

The journey to the concert venue was filled with a mix of excitement and nerves. Somi kept the conversation light, chatting about her favorite songs and how incredible the band was live. You listened with a smile, feeling more at ease with each passing minute, even if you couldn't quite keep track of all the band details she was throwing at you.

As you got closer to the venue, you could feel the energy around you intensifying. The streets were crowded with fans dressed in various shades of pink, holding signs and light sticks, all buzzing with anticipation. The atmosphere was infectious, and despite your earlier reservations, you could feel your own excitement starting to build.

"This is crazy," you muttered as you and Somi made your way through the throngs of people.

"Isn't it great?" Somi replied, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "This is what it's all about—the atmosphere, the anticipation, the music. It's going to be amazing."

The crowd outside the venue was massive, with fans buzzing with anticipation as they waited to get inside. The energy was contagious, and for the first time, you felt a genuine thrill of excitement.

As you approached the entrance, you could feel your nerves creeping in again. The noise, the crowd, the unfamiliarity of it all—it was a lot to take in. Somi must have sensed your apprehension because she gave your hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Hey, if it gets too much, just let me know, okay?" she said, her tone gentle. "We can take breaks, step outside if you need to. I want you to have a good time, not feel overwhelmed."

You nodded, grateful for her understanding. "Thanks, Somi. I appreciate it."

Once inside the venue, the atmosphere was electric. The stage was set up with massive screens and lights, and the anticipation in the air was almost tangible. You and Somi found a spot with a decent view, and as you settled in, you started to feel a bit more comfortable. But as the minutes ticked by, the noise and the crush of the crowd began to get to you.

The venue was buzzing with life, the energy palpable as fans eagerly awaited the start of the show. You glanced around, taking in the sight of people decked out in merchandise—T-shirts, hats, light sticks—all proudly displaying their love for Blackpink. It was a world you didn't fully understand yet, but there was something exhilarating about being a part of it.

Somi was in her element, chatting excitedly with a group of fans nearby who were just as hyped as she was. You tried to focus on the conversation, but the noise and the sheer volume of people were starting to feel overwhelming. The venue, which had felt so thrilling moments before, was now beginning to press in on you, the weight of the crowd a little too much.

You took a deep breath, trying to ground yourself. "I'm going to step outside for a bit, just to clear my head before the show starts," you told Somi, hoping she wouldn't mind.

She looked at you with concern but quickly nodded, understanding. "Sure thing," she said, giving you a thumbs up. "Just don't take too long! You don't want to miss a second of this."

You smiled, appreciating her concern, and started to make your way through the crowd. It took longer than you anticipated, weaving through the throngs of people all eagerly chatting and finding their spots. But eventually, you reached the exit and stepped outside, into the cool night air.

The contrast was immediate and stark. The noise of the venue was replaced by the quiet hum of the city at night, the air cool against your skin. You took a deep breath, savoring the stillness, the way the world seemed to slow down out here. It was a much-needed reprieve from the overwhelming energy inside.

You walked for a bit, letting the tension in your shoulders ease as you moved further away from the noise and the crowd. The streets around the venue were quieter, less chaotic than you expected. You turned a corner and found yourself in a small, dimly lit alleyway. It wasn't particularly scenic, but it was peaceful, and right now, that was exactly what you needed.

Leaning against the wall, you closed your eyes for a moment, letting the quiet wash over you. The city sounds were distant, muted—cars in the distance, the faint murmur of voices, the occasional breeze rustling the leaves of a nearby tree. It was a soothing backdrop, one that allowed your mind to slow down and process everything.

You hadn't realized how much you needed this, this moment of solitude. The excitement of the evening, while exhilarating, had also been draining. But here, in the stillness of the night, you could finally breathe, let go of the nerves that had been building up.

Your thoughts began to wander, unbidden, back to Somi's words earlier. About Rosé. You couldn't help but smile to yourself. It was a sweet thought—Somi's belief that you and a global superstar could somehow be a perfect match. It was unrealistic, sure, but it was nice to have someone believe in you like that, even if it was just in jest.

The idea of meeting someone like Rosé felt like a distant dream, something far removed from the life you knew. But in the quiet of the alley, with nothing but your thoughts for company, it didn't seem so far-fetched. You let yourself imagine it for a moment—what it would be like to meet someone who could see you, really see you, beyond the surface. Someone who could connect with you in a way that felt real and meaningful.

You shook your head, laughing softly to yourself. "Get a grip," you muttered under your breath, pushing off the wall. This was silly, getting lost in such thoughts. It was just a concert, just a night out. Nothing more, nothing less.

But as you began to make your way back toward the venue, something caught your eye. The door to a side entrance was slightly ajar, light spilling out into the alleyway. Curious, you hesitated, wondering if you should take a peek inside. It was probably just a maintenance entrance or something equally mundane, but the idea of stepping into a quieter part of the venue was appealing.

With a quick glance around, you gently pushed the door open and slipped inside. The hallway was dimly lit, the sound of the concert preparations muffled in the distance. It was a stark contrast to the chaos outside, a pocket of calm in the midst of the storm.

You wandered down the hallway, the cool air inside a welcome change from the warmth of the crowd. There was something almost surreal about the quiet here, like you'd stepped into a different world entirely. It was a world where the noise and chaos of the concert didn't exist, where you could just be, without any expectations or pressures.

As you rounded a corner, lost in thought, you collided with someone. The impact was gentle but unexpected, and you both stumbled slightly, caught off guard.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" you exclaimed, your hands coming up instinctively to steady the other person. "I wasn't paying attention, and—"

"It's okay," a soft voice interrupted, gentle and reassuring. "Really, no harm done."

You looked up, and your breath caught in your throat. The woman standing in front of you was stunning. She had long, blonde hair that cascaded over her shoulders, and her eyes sparkled with a warmth that immediately put you at ease. There was something ethereal about her, something that made the world around her seem to blur at the edges.

"Are you sure?" you asked, still flustered as you took a step back to give her some space. "I wasn't paying attention, and I—"

"I'm sure," she said, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "I've been in your shoes before—lost in thought and bumping into random people. It happens."

You let out a small, relieved laugh. "Well, I'm still sorry. I don't usually run into people like that."

"It's no big deal," she replied, her tone soft and kind. "Like I said, it happens. You're not hurt, right?"

You shook your head, still a little stunned. "No, I'm fine. Just... a little embarrassed."

"Don't be," she said, her smile widening a fraction. "It's actually kind of nice, having a normal interaction for once."

You blinked, caught off guard by her words. "Nice?"

"Yeah," she said, her voice taking on a thoughtful tone. "It's not often I get to just... be, you know? Without all the noise and expectations."

You nodded slowly, trying to process what she was saying. There was something about her, something in the way she spoke, that made you feel like you were in on a secret, like she was sharing something with you that she didn't often share with others.

"So, are you here for the concert?" you asked, hoping to steer the conversation into safer territory.

She nodded, her smile returning. "Yeah, I'm here for the concert."

"Me too," you said, relaxing a little now that the conversation had found its footing. "Well, sort of. My friend dragged me along. She's a huge fan of this band, but I don't really know much about them."

She chuckled softly, the sound warm and comforting. "That's actually kind of nice. You get to experience it all for the first time, without any preconceived notions.”

"Yeah, I guess so," you agreed, though you still felt a little out of place. "It's just a little intimidating, you know? Everyone else seems to know so much about them, and I'm just here trying to figure it all out."

"That's the beauty of it," she said, her tone light but sincere. "You get to see everything with fresh eyes. It's a rare thing, and it makes the experience all the more special."

You found yourself smiling at her words, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. There was something about her that made you want to keep talking, to keep this conversation going, but you weren't sure what to say next. The silence between you was comfortable, though, filled with a sense of understanding that didn't require words.

"So, what do you think so far?" she asked after a moment, her eyes curious.

"About what?" you replied, a little caught off guard.

"About the whole experience," she clarified, her smile softening. "The concert, the music... everything."

You took a moment to think about it, trying to put your feelings into words. "It's... overwhelming," you admitted. "But in a good way, I think. I didn't expect to feel so much... energy."

She nodded, her expression thoughtful. "It can be a lot to take in, especially if you're not used to it. But that's what makes it so powerful, I think. It's this shared experience, this connection between everyone in the room, all feeling the same thing."

You looked at her, really looked at her, and for a moment, it felt like the world had narrowed down to just the two of you. There was something in her eyes, something deep and genuine, that made your heart skip a beat. You wanted to ask her more, to keep this connection going, but the words didn't come.

Finally, she broke the silence, her voice gentle. "I should probably get back. The show's going to start soon."

You nodded, though you felt a strange reluctance to let this moment end. "Yeah, I should too."

She smiled at you, a smile that seemed to hold a thousand unspoken words, and for a moment, you thought about asking her to stay, to talk a little longer. But before you could find the courage, she turned to leave.

"Maybe I'll see you around?" you found yourself saying, the words slipping out before you could stop them.

She paused, turning back to look at you, her eyes soft. "Maybe," she said, her voice holding a promise that made your heart flutter.

And then she was gone, disappearing down the hallway and leaving you standing there, wondering what had just happened. You felt like you'd just experienced something rare, something precious, but you weren't sure what to do with it.

You stood there for a moment longer, trying to collect your thoughts before heading back to the concert. As you made your way through the crowd to find Somi, your mind kept replaying the encounter, the way her eyes had seemed to see right through you, the way her smile had made you feel like you were the only person in the world.

When you finally found Somi, she was practically vibrating with excitement, her eyes wide as she talked to a group of fans. "There you are! You almost missed it!"

You forced a smile, trying to push the encounter out of your mind, at least for now. "Sorry, I got a little lost."

Somi waved it off, too excited to care. "No worries! Come on, the show's about to start!"

You followed her into the crowd, but your thoughts kept drifting back to the woman in the hallway. There was something about her that you couldn't shake, something that made you feel like you'd just missed out on something important.

As the lights dimmed and the crowd erupted into cheers, you tried to focus on the stage, on the music, on the experience that Somi had been so eager to share with you. But your mind kept drifting back to the woman in the hallway, to the way she had looked at you, like she had seen something in you that even you hadn't noticed.

And then the music started, and the stage lights came up, and you found yourself staring at the group on stage. The woman from the hallway was standing in the center, microphone in hand, her voice soaring over the crowd. Your breath caught in your throat as you realized who she was.

She was Rosé.

And she had been singing just for you.

— — — — —

You stood frozen, your eyes glued to the stage as Rosé sang. The realization of who she was—and who you had just been speaking to—sent a shockwave through you. Her voice was even more powerful in person, filling the entire venue with a warmth and intensity that made your heart race.

Next to you, Somi was cheering loudly, completely caught up in the performance. But you were still processing everything, your mind racing as you watched Rosé move effortlessly across the stage. She was captivating, her presence commanding every bit of attention from the audience, yet all you could think about was the conversation you'd had just minutes ago.

You hadn't recognized her. How could you have not recognized her?

The thought was both embarrassing and oddly exhilarating. You'd spoken to Rosé, not as a fan, not as someone who knew everything about her, but as yourself. And she had spoken to you, not as a celebrity, but as a person. The memory of her eyes meeting yours, the warmth in her voice—it all felt so surreal now.

As the performance continued, you found yourself unable to tear your gaze away from her. Every note she sang, every movement she made, seemed to resonate with you on a deeper level. It was like she was speaking directly to you through the music, and for a moment, the crowded venue and the thousands of fans faded away, leaving just the two of you.

But then the song ended, and the crowd erupted into applause, snapping you out of your reverie. You glanced at Somi, who was practically glowing with excitement, completely oblivious to the inner turmoil you were experiencing.

"This is amazing!" Somi shouted over the noise, grabbing your arm. "Aren't they incredible?"

"Yeah," you replied, your voice a little shaky. "They really are."

Somi didn't seem to notice your unease, too caught up in the next song as it started. But you couldn't shake the feeling that something had shifted. Rosé was right there, on that stage, singing her heart out—and yet, all you could think about was the brief, fleeting connection you'd shared with her backstage.

As the concert went on, you tried to focus on the music, on the energy of the crowd, but your thoughts kept drifting back to her. You kept replaying your conversation in your head, analyzing every word, every look, trying to make sense of what had happened.

Had she recognized you? Did she know that you didn't realize who she was? Was that why she had seemed so intrigued by you?

The questions swirled in your mind, making it hard to focus on anything else. Even as the concert reached its peak, with the crowd singing along and the lights flashing in time with the music, you felt a strange sense of detachment, like you were watching everything from a distance.

It wasn't until the final song that you finally managed to pull yourself back into the moment. The music slowed, and the stage lights dimmed, casting the group in a soft, golden glow. Rosé stepped forward, her voice filling the venue with a hauntingly beautiful melody that sent chills down your spine.

You watched her, completely mesmerized. There was something raw and vulnerable in the way she sang, something that seemed to echo the conversation you'd had earlier. It was like she was laying herself bare for the world to see, and yet, somehow, it felt like she was singing just for you.

As the song came to an end, Rosé's eyes swept over the crowd, and for a brief, heart-stopping moment, they met yours. You held your breath, wondering if she recognized you, if she remembered the conversation you'd had. But then her gaze moved on, and the moment was over, leaving you with a strange mix of emotions that you couldn't quite untangle.

The concert ended with a final burst of energy, the crowd erupting into applause as the group took their bows. You clapped along with everyone else, but your mind was still elsewhere, lost in the whirlwind of thoughts and feelings that Rosé had stirred up.

As the lights came up and the crowd began to disperse, Somi turned to you, her face flushed with excitement. "That was incredible! I'm so glad you came with me!"

"Yeah, it was amazing," you agreed, though your voice lacked the enthusiasm that Somi's held.

She didn't seem to notice, still buzzing with the afterglow of the concert. "We should totally do this again sometime! I can't believe how good they were live!"

You nodded, forcing a smile. "Definitely."

But as you made your way out of the venue, your thoughts kept drifting back to Rosé. The concert was over, but the memory of your encounter with her lingered, leaving you with a sense of unfinished business, like there was something more to be said, something more to be done.

You couldn't shake the feeling that you'd missed an opportunity, that there was something important that had been left unsaid. And as you and Somi walked through the crowd, your mind raced with possibilities, wondering if you'd ever get the chance to speak to her again.

— — — — —

The ride home was a blur of neon lights and distant chatter. Somi was still gushing about the concert, replaying her favorite moments and showing you clips she'd captured on her phone. You tried to engage, to share in her excitement, but your mind was elsewhere, still stuck in that dimly lit hallway where you'd spoken to Rosé.

By the time you arrived back at your apartment, Somi had finally started to wind down. She flopped onto the couch with a satisfied sigh, scrolling through her phone for more Blackpink content.

"That was seriously one of the best nights ever," she said, glancing up at you with a grin. "Thanks for coming with me."

"I'm glad I did," you replied, and you meant it. Despite the overwhelming emotions, there was something about the night that felt... significant.

Somi yawned, clearly exhausted from all the excitement. "I think I'm going to crash," she said, standing up and stretching. "But we should totally talk about this tomorrow. I want to hear all your thoughts about the concert."

You nodded, watching as she headed to her room, leaving you alone with your thoughts. The apartment was quiet now, the only sound the faint hum of traffic outside. You sank onto the couch, finally allowing yourself to process everything that had happened.

Your mind kept drifting back to Rosé, to the way she had looked at you, the way her voice had sounded in that quiet hallway. There was something about the encounter that you couldn't shake, something that felt unfinished.

Without really thinking, you pulled out your phone and opened up a search engine, typing in "Rosé Blackpink" out of curiosity. As the search results popped up, you were greeted with countless images of her—performing on stage, attending events, posing for photoshoots. She looked just as stunning in the photos as she had in person, but there was something different about the woman you'd met.

In the photos, she was polished, poised, the image of a global superstar. But the Rosé you had spoken to in the hallway had been different—more relaxed,

more real. There had been a vulnerability in her eyes, a warmth in her smile, that you hadn't expected.

You found yourself scrolling through the images, searching for that same warmth, that same realness, but it wasn't there. In the photos, she was Rosé, the idol, the star, but in the hallway, she had just been... herself.

As you continued to scroll, you came across a video of the concert you had just attended. Curious, you clicked on it, watching as the camera panned over the crowd before zooming in on the stage. The energy of the concert was palpable, even through the screen, but your focus was solely on Rosé.

The video captured the final song, the one where Rosé had looked out into the crowd, her voice filled with emotion. You watched as she sang, her eyes sweeping over the audience, and for a moment, you could almost convince yourself that she was looking at you.

But as the video continued, you noticed something that made your heart skip a beat. Just before the song ended, Rosé glanced off to the side of the stage, her expression shifting subtly. It was a brief moment, barely noticeable, but it felt significant.

You replayed the video, watching that moment over and over, trying to decipher the meaning behind it. Was she looking for someone? Was she thinking about your conversation? Or was it just a trick of the camera, a coincidence that meant nothing?

The questions swirled in your mind, making it impossible to focus on anything else. You tried to push them away, telling yourself that it was just a chance encounter, that it didn't mean anything, but the doubts lingered.

Finally, you set your phone down, running a hand through your hair with a frustrated sigh. You needed to stop overthinking this. It had been a moment, a brief, fleeting moment, and nothing more.

But as you lay in bed that night, staring up at the ceiling, you couldn't help but wonder. What if it had been more? What if there was something deeper, something that you hadn't fully grasped?

The questions haunted you as you drifted off to sleep, leaving you with a strange sense of anticipation, like you were standing on the edge of something important, something life-changing, but you didn't know what it was.

— — — —

The next morning, you woke up feeling restless, the events of the previous night still fresh in your mind. Somi was already up, humming to herself as she made breakfast, but you couldn't bring yourself to join her. Instead, you grabbed your phone and headed out to the small balcony attached to your apartment, hoping the fresh air would help clear your head.

As you stood outside, your thoughts drifted back to the concert, to Rosé, and to the way she had looked at you. There was something about that moment, about the way she had spoken to you, that you couldn't shake. It felt like there was more to it, something left unsaid, something unfinished.

You stared out at the city, trying to piece together the puzzle of the night before. Why had Rosé taken the time to talk to you? Why had she seemed so different from the image you had of her—a global superstar with thousands of fans at her feet? The encounter felt significant, but you couldn't put your finger on why.

Somi's voice pulled you from your thoughts. "Hey, you okay out there?" she called from the kitchen.

"Yeah," you replied, though your voice lacked conviction. "Just thinking."

Somi appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame as she looked at you with concern. "You've been quiet since last night. Did something happen?"

You hesitated, not sure how to explain what you were feeling. "It's nothing, really. Just... processing, I guess."

She gave you a knowing smile. "The concert was pretty intense, huh? I saw the way you were watching the stage. It's like you were in a trance."

You nodded, your thoughts drifting back to Rosé's performance, the way her voice had wrapped around you, pulling you into a world where only the two of you existed. "Yeah... something like that."

Somi grinned, pushing off the doorframe. "I knew you'd come around! I'll make a Blinks fan out of you yet."

You forced a laugh, trying to match her enthusiasm, but the unease lingered. There was something more to last night, something you couldn't quite grasp. And it was gnawing at you, refusing to let go.

After breakfast, you decided to take a walk to clear your head. You needed to get out, to think, to figure out what was bothering you so much. Somi offered to come with you, but you declined, telling her you needed some time alone.

The streets were quieter than usual, the weekend morning lulling the city into a slow start. You wandered aimlessly, your feet carrying you without direction, your mind replaying every detail of the night before. The way Rosé had looked at you, the way she had smiled—there was something there, something that made you feel seen in a way you hadn't expected.

As you turned a corner, your thoughts still tangled, you nearly bumped into someone coming from the opposite direction. You looked up, an apology ready on your lips, but the words died in your throat when you saw who it was.

It was Rosé.

She was standing right in front of you, dressed casually in jeans and a simple jacket, a baseball cap pulled low over her eyes. For a moment, neither of you moved, both caught off guard by the sudden encounter.

"Hi," she said, her voice soft, almost hesitant.

"Hi," you echoed, your heart pounding in your chest. You couldn't believe it—what were the chances?

Rosé looked around, as if checking to see if anyone was watching, then back at you, a small smile tugging at her lips. "I didn't expect to see you again so soon."

"Me neither," you replied, your mind racing to catch up with the situation. "Are you... are you following me?"

Her eyes widened in surprise, then she laughed, a sound so genuine and warm that it made your heart flutter. "No, not at all. I'm just... I don't know. I guess it's fate or something."

"Fate?" you repeated, the word hanging between you like a question that neither of you could answer.

She nodded, her smile fading into something more serious. "Yeah, maybe. Or maybe I just... I don't know, wanted to see you again."

Your breath caught in your throat. There was something in her eyes, something that made you feel like this moment was teetering on the edge of something bigger, something you couldn't quite grasp.

Before you could respond, she glanced around again, her expression shifting. "Listen, I know this might sound strange, but... would you mind walking with me for a bit? I'd like to talk, if that's okay."

You hesitated, still trying to wrap your mind around the fact that Rosé was standing in front of you, asking to spend more time together. "Sure," you finally managed to say, your voice barely above a whisper.

She smiled, a genuine smile that seemed to reach her eyes, and motioned for you to follow her. The two of you started walking, side by side, the city moving around you as if in a different world. Neither of you spoke at first, the silence between you comfortable, but charged with anticipation.

As you walked, Rosé glanced over at you, her expression contemplative. "You know, I don't get to do this often," she said quietly.

"Do what?" you asked, curious.

"Just... be myself," she replied, her voice tinged with a hint of vulnerability. "Away from the cameras, the expectations. It's nice to have a conversation without all the noise."

You nodded, feeling a deep sense of connection to her words. "I can imagine. It must be exhausting, always being in the spotlight."

"It is," she admitted, her eyes distant for a moment. "But last night... talking to you, it felt different. Like I could just be me."

There was a softness in her tone, something that made your heart ache with a strange mix of emotions. You wanted to say something, to tell her that you felt the same, but the words were stuck in your throat.

The two of you continued walking until you found yourselves in front of a small, cozy café tucked away in a quiet corner of the city. It was the kind of place that looked like it was straight out of a postcard, with ivy creeping up the walls and a charming little sign that swung gently in the breeze.

Rosé hesitated at the entrance, then turned to you with a smile. "Do you want to grab a coffee? My treat.”

"Sure," you replied, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness.

The café was warm and inviting, with the scent of freshly brewed coffee filling the air. Rosé led you to a table in the corner, away from the few other patrons, and the two of you sat down, the atmosphere between you comfortable, but still tinged with something unspoken.

As you both sipped your drinks, the conversation began to flow more easily. Rosé was surprisingly down-to-earth, sharing stories about her life, her travels, and the little things that made her happy. You found yourself opening up as well, sharing stories from your own life, laughing at shared experiences, and finding common ground in unexpected places.

The connection between you grew stronger with each passing moment, and for a while, it felt like the outside world didn't exist—just the two of you, talking and laughing over coffee.

But then, just as you were beginning to relax completely, Rosé's phone buzzed on the table. She glanced at it, her expression shifting slightly, but then she smiled at you and put the phone face down on the table, clearly not wanting to interrupt your time together.

"You're popular," you teased lightly, trying to keep the mood light.

Rosé chuckled, her eyes twinkling. "It's probably just work stuff. I try not to let it interfere when I'm enjoying myself."

"Well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself," you said, feeling a warmth spread through you.

She looked at you, her gaze softening. "I really am. This is... nice. Just being able to sit and talk like this."

There was a moment of comfortable silence between you, and then Rosé's phone buzzed again. This time, she let out a small sigh and reached for it.

"Sorry, let me just check this quickly," she said, her tone apologetic.

"Of course," you replied, trying to ignore the slight pang of disappointment.

Rosé glanced at the screen, her eyes widening slightly as she read the message. A small smile tugged at her lips, and then she looked up at you, her expression somewhere between amused and mischievous.

"Everything okay?" you asked, curious about what had caused her reaction.

She nodded, biting her lip as if holding back a laugh. "Yeah, it's just... do you trust me?"

The question caught you off guard, but there was something in her tone, in the playful glint in her eyes, that made you smile. "I think so... why?"

She leaned in slightly, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Because I just had a crazy idea, and I think it could be a lot of fun."

You raised an eyebrow, intrigued but wary. "What kind of crazy idea?"

Rosé grinned, her excitement almost contagious. "How do you feel about a little adventure? Something spontaneous?”

Your heart skipped a beat at the suggestion, the idea of doing something completely

out of the ordinary both thrilling and nerve-wracking. "What did you have in mind?"

She looked around the café, as if making sure no one was listening, then leaned in closer. "Well, I just got a text from one of the girls in my group. They're doing something kind of wild today, and they dared me to bring someone along. Someone... unexpected."

Your eyes widened in surprise. "You mean... you want me to come with you?"

"Yeah," she said, her smile widening. "If you're up for it. It's nothing dangerous, I promise. Just a little spontaneous fun."

You hesitated for a moment, your mind racing with possibilities. This was definitely not what you had expected when you woke up this morning, but the idea of spending more time with Rosé, of being part of whatever adventure she had in mind, was too tempting to resist.

"Okay," you said, feeling a rush of excitement. "I'm in."

Rosé's eyes lit up with excitement. "Great! Let's go before we change our minds."

As the two of you quickly finished your drinks and prepared to leave the café, your heart raced with anticipation. Whatever was about to happen, it was sure to be something you would never forget.

[httpsdana]

Hiii!! Could you do a kenan yildiz x reader imagine?? The reader is part of a girl group, kenan has a crush on her so he is always lurking into her dms,her insta posts her tiktok.. and fans start shipping them but reader is not very pleased. One time they happen to be on the same fashion event and the reader finally sees kenan in person and is amazed by how handsome and polite he is so they start dating.

Behind the Screen~Kenan Yildiz

・❥・prompt list

・❥・masterlist -> part 2

・❥・who I write for

Being a part of one of the biggest girl groups in the world meant living her life under constant scrutiny. Every Instagram post, TikTok, or red carpet appearance became fodder for the fans. But lately, there was a new kind of attention—one she couldn’t quite escape.

It all started with a certain footballer.

Kenan Yildiz, who had been lingering in her online space for months. He’d like her posts within minutes, occasionally drop a subtle emoji in the comments, and even reposted a TikTok challenge her group did, citing it as his “new favorite trend.”

Fans caught on almost immediately, flooding his and her profiles with edits and theories.

“Kenan’s so down bad for y/n”

“He’s literally her biggest fan, don’t fight me on this.”

“Imagine the power couple they’d be.”

At first, sje brushed it off, chalking it up to harmless fan antics. But when the comments and ships started overshadowing her actual work, it grated on her nerves.

She didn’t know him. To him, he was just another famous face with too much time on his hands.

Then came the fashion event.

Dressed in a sleek gown, she walked into the glitzy venue, cameras flashing as reporters called her name.

The event was packed with celebrities, designers, and influencers. Somewhere in the crowd, Kenan was lurking, and she was determined to avoid him.

But fate had other plans.

She spotted him almost immediately, leaning casually against a marble pillar, dressed in a perfectly tailored black suit.

His confidence radiated effortlessly, drawing attention from everyone in the room. When his green eyes met hers, he smiled.

Her breath hitched. He was undeniably handsome—more so in person than in any of the pictures or videos she'd seen online. And then, to her dismay, he started walking toward her.

“y/n,” he greeted, his voice smooth and warm. “I’m Kenan. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Finally?” she echoed, raising an eyebrow.

He grinned, a little sheepish but still charming. “I guess I’ve made it obvious I’m a fan.”

She couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped. “You think?”

“I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable,” he added quickly, his tone sincere. “That was never my intention. I just... think you’re incredible.”

His straightforwardness caught her off guard. For someone who seemed larger than life online, he came across as genuine and polite in person.

“Thank you,” she said softly, suddenly unsure why she'd been so annoyed by him in the first place. “I guess I’ve noticed you’re... persistent.”

He chuckled. “I prefer to think of it as dedicated.”

The conversation flowed surprisingly easily after that. Kenan wasn’t just handsome; he was funny, down-to-earth, and attentive in a way that made her feel like the only person in the room.

The initial tension melted as she found herself enjoying his company far more than she expected.

By the end of the night, they exchanged numbers, the interaction causing a frenzy online as fans speculated wildly. Unlike before, though, she didn’t mind.

Kenan texted her the next day, and what started as casual conversations quickly grew into something more.

He wasn’t just a footballer sliding into her DMs—he was kind, funny, and genuine in a way that felt rare in her world.

When they went on their first official date, she realized just how wrong her initial assumptions had been.

Kenan wasn’t just infatuated with the idea of her—he wanted to know the real her, the one who existed beyond the stage and the social media posts.

As the weeks passed, the fans got their “power couple,” and for the first time, she didn’t feel annoyed by the attention. Because being with Kenan? That felt right for her.

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

I think that a lot of people without NPD have a really poor understanding of "narc supply" or the specific type of positive attention that pwNPD crave. Even the egotypicals who are allies, the ones denounce narc abuse and anti-NPD ableism, don't fully grasp it.

There's this false idea that NPDs like to be worshipped and showered with compliments all of the time, and I mean, yeah, most of us would eat that shit up, but I know that for myself and a lot of other pwNPD it's deeper and much more, I guess, personal?

I don't really know how to describe it, so I'll give an example: As a kid, no one really paid attention to my creative endeavors, my accomplishments, my feelings, etc. And if they DID pay attention, the attention was negative. I could always do better, I could always be smarter, stronger, etc. This came from peers and adults alike. So I developed a coping mechanism where I would tell myself that everyone else was wrong, that I'm actually the best person around, etc. I don't have to explain what disorder I ended up with as an adult as a result of all of that. :P

But anyway - the wound of constantly being ignored at best and insulted at worst is still there. You know how when you're in a group chat or a conversation with multiple people and no one ever pays attention to your comments, while paying attention to everyone else? Yeah, that shit hurts EVERYONE, but especially pwNPD. Even the smallest acknowledgment can be "narc supply."

You know how when you achieve something really cool and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you will be quick to praise OTHER people?

You know how when you post art/edits online and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you compliment someone else's post in the exact same thread?

You know how when you ask your friend to read your favorite book or listen to your favorite artist or whatever because of how much it means to you, and they never do it, but then they read/listen to everyone else's favorite thing at everyone else's recommendation, and how much it pisses you off? (Hurts even more if you have the SAME favorite book/artist and someone reads/listens to it at the other person's recommendation and not at yours.)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could go on and on. That shit would bother anyone, us narcissists aren't alone in being hurt by that, but my G-d, it impacts pwNPD in such a specific way.

But let me flip it around to the positive!

A narcissist doesn't necessarily get their "supply" from someone telling them that they're the coolest person in the world and that they're a god. (Though if you do want to say that to us we probably won't complain!) Sometimes they get their "supply" from something as simple as someone acknowledging their achievements, and giving specific praise on what the achievement was. ("It's so cool that you won a prize in the music recital. The song you played sounds like it was really difficult and I loved your stage presence.")

Being told, "Wow, you did such a great job on your artwork, I love the colors!" goes a very very long way for a narc, especially when said narc is used to being IGNORED for their art.

Hearing, "it's so cool that you like that book, I'll have to read it and tell you my thoughts!" can help a narcissist's interests feel acknowledged.

You might be reading this and thinking, "well, isn't it just basic human interaction to compliment your friends or try out their interests"? And, well, maybe it is, but the whole point of NPD is that most of us grew up without receiving that type of attention, so now we're very very desperate for it - and very, very, VERY sensitive to when it doesn't happen, or is even perceived to not have happened. Something as small as being talked over in a group chat can set us off, but something as small as a simple, "hey, it's so cool that you did this, I love it." can win us over.

And to be completely fair, most of the time us being "ignored" isn't completely intentional. Like, I get it, yeah, sometimes timing just doesn't work out for person A to read my favorite book at my own rec, but by the time person B is in their life, person A can read it, and it's not anything personal. Sometimes the content I make just isn't someone's ~style~ and they support me, they really do, they just don't know what to say. Sometimes someone forgets to respond, or doesn't get a notification when I send them something I made or tell them about something I did. (There is less excuse for being ignored in face-to-face/offline convos though.) But because of the trauma of us constantly being ignored as kids/teens, the smallest little thing hurts and as a result we seek and crave attention EVERYWHERE.

So now, to give in to narc stereotypes of begging for attention: If you're a person without NPD and you genuinely want to help the narcissists you have in your life, the second best thing you can do for us is checking in to make sure we're not overlooked. Try to be sure you're not ignoring us, and if we do something cool, try to compliment it, even if it's something you don't fully "understand." Ask us about what we've been up to lately, what we're proud of about ourselves, and agree with us that what we've done is pretty cool. I mean, you'd do that for any friend, right? It's really not all outlandish for a narc to want that.

(If you're curious what the FIRST best thing you can do for a narcissist is, it's giving us a million dollars unlearning your anti-NPD ableism and calling people out who use narcissist as an insult as a synonym for abuser. Even in "offline" spaces, even when we're not around, even doctors/therapists. Even "narc" abuse survivors.)

[yoonia]

🖋️ one your stories that sticks to me the most was the (im)perfect ending. I really wish to see how you visualize their lives after. will Joon ever find out about the baby? will they reunite again? what happens when they do🤭? will Joon finally get his head out of his a** and end his marriage and be true to his feelings 🧐 or will OC has her own happy ending with someone else🤔?

💌 I think other people have said this before, but you are an admirable person that I've ever met online. You've worked hard on your stories and have always given us a lot. even now, you choose to spread positivity and share gifts for others to celebrate your birthday and I think that's the sweetest thing anyone could ever do. happy belated birthday, Dia. You deserve so much happiness and a lot more. I hope your coffee is always hot and your pillow always warm. wishing you and all your precious kitties an abundance of health and joy 💝💝

omg I've been getting the same questions sent to me for this couple, so I guess this might be a good chance to provide some answers for those who have been waiting for it lol

I know that the last letter mentioned in the fic didn't specify how much OC shared about her baby, so I guess this is where we get to see what other things she sent with the letter for Namjoon. I hope you enjoy the snippet and the visualisation below!!

— title: Our Imperfections| pairings: Namjoon x female reader| genre: second chances!au, infidelity!au, post divorce/break-up!au, angst | word count: 1,410 words — summary | Namjoon is on a mission to fix the mess he created. — ratings & warnings | +18 / M for mature; talk about divorce and custody, post break-up, mentions of infidelity

— original: The (Im)perfect Ending by @yoonia — fic drop date: Oct 30th, 2024 — song companion: loved

“Don’t forget that you need to pick up Sunny early Saturday morning for her class camping trip.” 

Hearing her voice on the phone, clipped with orders, used to make Namjoon wince. Now he is used to it. Always so business-like, even when talking about their only child. 

“Did you get that?” 

Her voice returns when he doesn’t answer. He holds back from rolling his eyes and calmly answers. “Yeah, I got that. Saturday morning. Early.” 

His reaction isn’t the only thing he is holding back. Asking why six-year-olds would go on a camping trip might only end up with him getting a long lecture through the phone. He doesn’t have that much time to endure that. And having his ear burning from it is really the last thing he needs right now. 

“Right. I’ll text you the details.” A sigh, then, “Sunny also wants you to be the one to drive her to school Monday. So I’m packing up extra clothes for her to stay with you another night. Is that good?” 

Namjoon closes his eyes. As much as he loves having extra time with his daughter, having the child’s mother schedule their time for him without consulting him first rubs him the wrong way. If he doesn’t know any better, he would have thought that she keeps doing this as a payback. Causing trouble and brushing his ego for choosing to step out of their marriage—the marriage that she had worked so hard to paint as perfect for the world to see. 

But Namjoon knows better. 

He knows that she has always been this way. 

Even when they were still together, she always had to be the one running the show, while Namjoon would have to follow. She was the one holding the pen, writing the story for them through her rose-coloured glasses, while forcing him into a role that he never felt like he could fit into. 

At one point, it caused him to lose himself. 

Only that he realised it too late. Far too late, because it hadn’t just started when they got married, but long before—when they grew up together and being fed their parents’ beliefs that they would end up together once they turned adults; when they became teenagers and she insisted that it would only be right if they started dating to make their parents’ dreams come true and when she started planning their wedding day just when Namjoon was starting to find a chance to write his own story, to walk a different path, with a completely different person. 

It wasn’t until he was able to find his old self and feel like himself again through the mistakes he made when he finally found the courage to leave that life. Yet, once again, he was too late. 

Far too late. 

“Namjoon? Do you—” 

Her voice breaks him out of his wandering thoughts, only for her words to get drowned by the sound of the announcement blaring through the speakers above his head. 

“Attention, passengers on Flight 345 with service to Sydney. We are now beginning our boarding process at Gate 12B. Please…” 

The voice fades as passengers rush in front of him to find the departure gate, and Namjoon waits until the announcement stops before taking his palm off his phone. 

“Where are you? Are you on another business trip?” 

Namjoon almost laughs. He finds it hard to believe that after spending an entire fifteen minutes on call with him, she never thought about asking him where he was or where he was up to. 

Business as usual. Even when it’s about our new arrangement. 

“Australia. I just landed. That’s why I couldn’t take your call until now.” 

“Oh…” 

“You do realise the longer you’re on this call, the more expensive it will be, don’t you?” 

Silence, then her bitter voice is heard. “How was I supposed to know where you were?” 

You could have asked. 

Sighing, Namjoon shakes his head. “Look, just text or email me all the details about Sunny’s trip. I’ll be back in Seoul Friday afternoon. Okay?” 

“Okay.” Her voice softens. “Take care, Namjoon.” 

The call ends, and Namjoon breathes a heavy sigh. Feeling exhaustion after speaking to her is one thing, but once it wanes, guilt always seems to take root. It doesn’t matter if he had fallen out of love a long time ago. He cannot deny that he has made too many mistakes that he is still trying hard to make up for. His decision to stay in the marriage for Sunny, using her as an excuse to hang on to the final threads that were offered to him instead of stepping away from that fallen marriage, was his last, yet probably most detrimental for his own mental health and any chance he ever had to make things right for everyone. 

Including you. 

Hoisting his duffle bag on his shoulder, Namjoon walks across the airport’s lot to find his ride. There is a reason why he is here, and he isn’t going to stop until he finds what he is searching for. 

It takes him nearly an hour to reach his destination. 

The small coffee shop looks quite inconspicuous as it stands between various other shops downtown, yet it still catches Namjoon’s eyes the moment he arrives. 

Quaint and delicate, with natural wooden colours chosen as the accents at the front side of the shop and dark window frames, it reminds him so much of you. 

The sound of the bell chimes above his head as he steps in, immediately welcomed by the fresh scent of coffee beans, chocolate, and a bit of cinnamon. Spicy and sweet and pleasantly warm. A young boy with a thick Australian accent welcomes him from the cashier, yet his eyes travel across the room, where the figure that has been filling his dreams at night appears. 

Smiling at the young barista, he walks up towards you instead. You have yet to notice him in the room. Your eyes are locked on the small child sitting on the sofa by the corner, swinging his legs as he receives a small sip cup from your hands. 

His eyes find him first, looking over your shoulder while you still have your back facing Namjoon and the front door. 

“Now you sit tight right here until Mommy finishes work, okay? And don’t—”

“Mama?” the boy cuts you off before you can finish speaking, his chubby finger pointing towards Namjoon, “Da..?” 

Your body freezes. Namjoon hears a soft gasp before you straighten up and slowly turn to face him. The moment you see him standing there, your eyes grow wide and you quickly move to hide your son behind you. Only the child is quick, as he hops off the sofa to stand right behind you, clinging onto your legs as he peeks at Namjoon. 

A line which he read from your letter echoes in his mind as he returns the boy’s curious gaze, just as it does many nights after you were gone—

“I have a boy. He’s here. He might have a dimple on his cheek too that might show up once he’s grown a bit older. His name is…” 

Namjoon bends down. “Sammy, is it?” 

The boy, Sammy, slowly nods. Namjoon smiles. “You look handsome. You’re being a good boy to your Mommy now?” 

“Yea…” 

Chuckling softly, Namjoon straightens up to face you. Your eyes are covered with tears as you look back at him. “How—” you gasp, “What are you doing here?” 

Because I’ll chase you to the end of the world if I could. 

Those are the words that Namjoon has always wanted to say to you. A promise that he never got a chance to say before you left him. It was a mistake that he had been dreading the most when he first received your letter, along with a copy of your sonogram and your final word of goodbye. 

“Keeping a promise,” he merely says. “I think we have a lot to talk about.” 

A deep sigh escapes your lips. The sound pains him. But the sight of every tension being lifted from your shoulders gives him a sense of calm. 

“I guess we do,” you whisper to him with a broken smile. 

A lot of them. 

He can almost hear those words coming from you. Just like he almost says out loud,

I have all the time in the world to talk and listen now. For you. 

For your fall tune, I think this song will fit perfectly well for this.

𝖙𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖋𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖆𝖉𝖊: dia’s birthday bash 2024 ⇝ closed!

[thelensart]

I like the color palette and compositions of your art a lot! Did you use any particular paintings as reference when creating works like these two? Alternatively, would you say that you are inspired by the style of any historical artist?

Both are based, though very very loosely, in Spanish catholic paintings. In order:

La Piedad, by Ponciano Ponzano Gascón

Cristo crucificado en el Calvario, anonymous

So shout out to El Prado for providing the refs I guess. I felt like doing this crossover with Signalis since I am Spanish and grew up with this aesthetic of misery and darkness. The older one where Ari is skewered is a reference to La Madre de los Dolores (I think that is Lady of Sorrows), each spear representing a pain she had (though in Mary's life there's 7, not 6), and I'm thinking about portraying a corrupted Falke as La Inmaculada, with a bunch of Kolibris as cherubs.

As for "historical" artists that have an influence, I have to say none. I like museums and seeing historical pieces but as for my style I never really studied those besides a little bit of impressionism, which is relatively mainstream. I have a bunch of artists I admire but they're all little people like me, just trying to share stuff online.

[staylovesmiley]

Collision— Chapter 3

ᯓᡣ𐭩Pairing; Stray Kids × afab!reader

ᯓᡣ𐭩 ᯓᡣ𐭩Summary; You've known him for years but you never would have guessed the charming guy you've been online gaming with has been an idol this whole time. (masterlist here)

ᯓᡣ𐭩 ᯓᡣ𐭩 ᯓᡣ𐭩Warnings; implied afab reader (only they/them pronouns used for reader), mild angst?, pls I haven't written fanfics since 2018 patience and kindness is appreciated

Soft sunlight filtered through a small gap in the gamer’s blackout curtains, shining against your eyes as you stirred from your slumber.

Eyes opening slowly, you grimaced and turned your back to the window, thus becoming face to face with a still sleeping Lee Felix.

He looked so peaceful like this, up close you swore you could count each individual freckle across his features. You couldn’t help but reach out gently to brush a strand of hair from his face which unfortunately caused him to wake slowly. Eyes fluttering open, he inhaled deeply. “Star- good morning.” Felix smiled, the deep rasp of his morning voice causing your heartbeat to quicken as you took in the close proximity to the other.

The blonde didn’t seem to mind as he pulled you closer, snuggling into your hair and breathing in again. “Your shampoo smells nice, ya know.” He said with a grin evident in his voice. “Um, thank you?” You giggled as you relaxed against him. This was something you felt you could get used to, you thought to yourself before mentally pushing the notion to the side. “What time is it? We should probably get up-“ before you could finish the words the door slammed open and in marched a groggy looking Hyunjin. The artist went to flop onto the bed beside Felix as he whined about missing him until he stopped cold in his tracks to take in the sight before him. A playful smirk grew on his face, Felix’s eyes widening at the implication. “Hyune wait-“ he started, struggling to get out from the covers to grab the elder male but before he could Hyunjin was already out of the room in a fury of laughter shouting something in Korean you couldn’t quite make out. “Uh….Lix? He doesn’t think what I assume he thinks- right?” The Aussie didn’t reply, only launching himself out of bed and taking off after the other while yelling for him to stop.

You sat up in Felix bed and rubbed at your eyes, somewhat lost as to what was going on until Minho came in and gave you a warm, yet slightly mischievous smile. “So, you did stay the night….I thought Hyunjinnie may have just been teasing Lix but he was right.” Eyes widening, you quickly jumped to defend yourself knowing good and well what he was insinuating. “We didn’t do anything but sleep!”

It was Leeknow’s turn to laugh as he shook his head, walking over to offer you a hand. “Oh trust me, we would have heard if you did.” You let him help you stand out of bed before giving him a look of disbelief. “And what makes you think that?!” You almost shrieked, pulling your hand back from where he had helped you. More laughter followed and the elder leaned in close to whisper in your ear. “Because our dear Lixie doesn’t know how to keep quiet, if you get what I mean.” He practically purred before pulling back leaving you there shocked, making his way back to the door. “Well, are you coming? Breakfast is going to get cold.”

You stood there for a moment longer, brain malfunctioning at the knowledge just bestowed upon you. “Right- coming!” You called out to him before making your way to the small dining table by the kitchen where four out of five men currently in the apartment were sat.

Seungmin was on one side, cheeks puffed out with where he was eating his breakfast and effectively stuffing his face. Across from him sat poor jeongin who had a lap full of Hyunjin as the elder snuggled up to him as he attempted to feed the younger much to his dismay though he allowed it nonetheless. Beside them was your friend, Felix, whom you couldn’t make eye contact with at the moment due to Minho’s cheeky comment.

Speak of the devil, he came out from the kitchen and thrust a plate full of food into your hands. “Go take a seat, yeah? I’m gonna drive you back to your hotel to get changed then we’ll meet the others at the company and go over a game plan for finding you a more permanent place to live.” You nodded, not sure when these plans were decided on your behalf but grateful that some of the weight was being taken off of your shoulders. “Thank you, really you guys are being such a big help.”

All five of them turned to give you a smile. “Anything for Felix friend~” Hyunjin teased with a giggle as the blonde began swatting at his arm. “Ya! I already explained that nothing went on- we just had a normal, PG sleepover okay?” The boys all gave each other a knowing look before nodding to their aussie friend. “Okay, fine I’ll drop it…for now.” The artist smirked, sending a wink your way before returning to his (and Jeongin’s) breakfast.

After an eventful breakfast where Minho only had to mildly threaten Hyunjin once to get him to give their maknae some peace, you were sat in the passenger seat of the older man’s car as he drove you back to your hotel to change and grab anything you needed.

The radio played softly in the background and you began to zone out, listening to the man beside you humming along contently. It wasn’t a long drive to your destination, and though it was done mostly in silence it was peaceful and much appreciated after the chaos that had been that morning.

Upon arrival at your hotel, Minho pulled to the front expecting you to just hop out and go in alone. “Um, did you wanna come in and wait in the room while I get ready? Im sure it would be more comfortable than sitting in your car-“ You suggested, giving him a friendly smile. Leeknow returned the smile and began pulling into the parking garage instead. “I didn’t want to invite myself in, but if you insist.” There was a hint of mischief in his eyes that you didn’t miss, filing it away under caution in case there was any meaning behind the look.

Once you both made it into your room, you motioned for Minho to take a seat on the bed while you started to dig through one of your suitcases for something to wear. On your trip over here you had only brought one large suitcase, a duffel bag, and a backpack. You figured that would be enough to last you and if you needed anything else you could always go shopping while living here.

Coming up with a pair of distressed black loose fitting jeans and a light colored loose crop top that ended just at your waist you nodded to yourself in approval and headed into the bathroom. “Hey Min do you think I have time to take a shower?” You questioned, not wanting to keep everyone waiting for too long. “Only if you’ll let me join you.” He said, face deadpan and you stared with wide eyes until he burst out laughing so hard he almost fell off his spot on the bed. “Teasing! Gosh- you’re gonna have to get used to me, cutie.” He said with a wink as you rolled your eyes, blushing nonetheless as you closed the bathroom door and started the shower.

After cleaning up and getting dressed you came back out into the bedroom and sat by your suitcase to put on some socks and your black high top converse. “Enjoy your shower despite my absence?” The older teased with a smile akin to the Cheshire cat, you rolled your eyes at him once more and moved to stand by the end of the bed. “Yes, very much so. Hopefully I didn’t keep you waiting too long.” He shook his head and stood, offering his arm politely with his signature smirk. “Not at all, shall we head out?” You nodded and took his arm, walking back with him to the car.

Another quiet ride later and you found yourself walking into the JYPE building hand in hand with Minho. He waved to the people at the front desk before leading you into the elevator. “Never in my life did I picture I’d ever be here…” you said somewhat breathlessly as you took it all in. Leeknow chuckled, shaking his head at your awestruck expression. “I was like that when I first became a trainee…it will wear off over time.” You shook your head at him, looking into his eyes with curiosity. “Over time? You mean this isn’t just a one time thing?” The older smirked, nodded the affirmative as he gave your hand a squeeze and pull you out at your stop and down a long corridor to their main practice room. “Like it or not but you’re stuck with us now, cutie.” You blushed slightly but scoffed, looking at him with disbelief. “What, like your mascot or something?” “I was thinking more like our pet, but mascot is funnier.” He teased causing you to gasp and hit his shoulder. Minho was laughing at the appalled look on your face as the two of you entered the room, causing the seven men inside to look at you with curiosity. “Bangchan get your child-“ you huffed, pulling your hand away from a cackling Leeknow and making your way to Felix, plopping down beside him and cuddling into his side to pout from the second oldest males relentless teasing. Your poor introverted heart couldn’t take much more lest it explode in your chest.

“Oh god what now? Do I wanna know?” Chan groaned, looking to where Minho was finally calming down. “I was only joking around with them. They fluster so easily it’s too much fun not to.” He said with a smirk and wink thrown your way before sitting by Jisung and whispering something to him causing the younger’s eyes to widen comically and his cheeks heat up considerably.

Once everyone settled down, Felix turned to face you while taking your hands into his own. “So- while we were waiting for you we went ahead and started looking up apartments nearby that are available. We just need to see if any of them meet your needs?” You hummed, deep in thought. “Well somewhere that has the option to be fully furnished would be nice considering I don’t have any of that stuff and don’t really wanna go through the trouble of having to buy an apartments worth of furniture so soon after moving here.” They all nodded and voiced their agreement. “That’s a good idea! I wouldn’t have thought of that-“ Seungmin spoke up, scooting closer to show what he had found on his tablet.

The rest of the afternoon was spent creating a list of places to check, making appointments to view them, and then breaking off into a group to go see few you were able to schedule for that day. Chan, Minho, Felix, and Seungmin being the ones chosen to go with you while the others went shopping for dinner later that evening at the 3racha dorm (Han specifically was sent home to make sure things were presentable for guests).

Once you were done with the tours you were able to take that day you all met back at the dorms, Chan and Leeknow getting started in the kitchen while the rest of you sat in the living room playing games on the switch or chatting.

Somehow Hyunjin had managed to pull you into his embrace, your legs draped over his lap while he cling to your torso and played with your hair absentmindedly as he conversed with Han about a new drama he had started and thought the other would enjoy. Felix sat on the other side of you, your back partially leaning against his side as the two of you looked at where you had genshin pulled up on your phone. Everything felt domestically blissful and you felt yourself acclimating into their group nicely. How long you would be allowed to stay in their company like this you weren’t sure but one thing you did know was that you were going to cherish these moments while they lasted.

After dinner, Felix tried to bribe you into staying over again but you turned him down with the promise to meet up with him again for lunch the next day instead.

Minho offered to drive you back again but somehow you ended up in the passenger seat of Chan’s car instead. “Uh- not to sound like I’m ungrateful for the ride, just confused um wasn’t Leeknow the one taking me back to my hotel?” Laughter rang from beside you, the Aussie pulling out carefully onto the road towards your destination. “He was but I wanted to get some alone time with you. Is that okay?” The older glanced over to you at a stop light, flashing you a charming smile before turning his attention back to the road. You felt a warm blush creep onto your face and shrugged. “That’s okay, yeah-“ you stammered out before the cafe fell into silence slightly less comforting than when you were with the second oldest, perhaps due to the awkward nervousness you felt over how you had spoken about the individual sitting to your left previously. “So….Wriothesley, huh?” This caused you to choke on air, making Chan laugh hysterically. “Oh my god Felix I’m going to KILL you-“ you groaned with embarrassment and hid your face into your palms. “Really? It’s not that bad….no worse than the things stay have said.” He chuckled, his laughter finally calming down though an amused look still stayed on his face. “Still- I can’t believe he told you what I said that is so embarrassing….” You sighed, turning to look out the window with a soft pout before looking back over to him. “I’m sorry if what I said made you uncomfortable….I didn’t mean anything by it is was just-“ Chan cut you off, rather boldly. “I wish you did.” You froze, mouth shutting so quickly your teeth clicked together audibly. The oldest smirked at effectively shutting you up as he pulled up to the hotel. “Here we are. Let one of us know when you’ve made it to your room safely, yeah?” He said, smiling at you innocently as if he hadn’t just implied he wished you had feelings for him only seconds earlier. “Right….uh th-thank you again for the ride. For everything today really-“ and with that you quickly exited the vehicle and dashed towards the front door, making sure to turn around at the last minute to give a short wave then disappear into the building.

As he pulled away, Chan smiled smugly to himself and spoke to no one but himself. “This is gonna be fun…”

It was about a week later that you finally settled into your new apartment, one only a twelve minute walk to JYPE and even closer to the dorms. You were sure the boys pulled some sort of strings to be able to keep you so close by so soon but you weren’t about to complain. Just as life was starting to quiet (as much as it could having a group of eight men as your main clique), you had started going to classes and even arranged for some more of your personal belongings to be shipped from home in the states by your family so you could make things at your new apartment feel more personal.

The members seemed to always be over, or you at theirs. You never did bring up what Chan had said in the car that night and neither did he, so you assumed it was more teasing like Minho had been doing as well and decided to forget about it all together. Speaking of the teasing it never let up, as he said you were going to have to get used to him. It took some time but eventually you began to open up, though you were still too flustered to ever create a good comeback.

One night, marking your third week in Korea and your second in your new apartment, you were over at the cuties dorm for a movie night. Seungmin was out with some of his friends outside of the group, and 3racha were still in the studio working late, so that left you with Danceracha and half of Vocalracha for the evening. “Lix how much longer until the cookies are done?” Hyunjin asked for the millionth time as he sat on the floor with his face pressed against the oven window eagerly awaiting the sweet treats promised to him. “A watched pot never boils.” You said with a sing song tone as you passed by him with the dirty dishes from dinner, patting his head lightly. He huffed, looking up to glare daggers at you. “You’re supposed to be on my side! Traitor.” You just laughed and started washing the dishes.

“Woah there what are you doing?” Felix questioned as he came and started to push you out of the way of the sink. “I’m washing dishes what does it look like?” You asked, tilting your head to the side in confusion. “Nope you are our guest how many times do I have to say?” He scolded, successfully pushing you away and taking over what you had started. “Well then what am I supposed to do?” “You could come keep us company!” Shouted Minho from the couch, patting the spot between himself and the maknae. Shrugging, you made your way over and sat in the spot offered to you. “What are you up to?” You asked the youngest.

Jeongin was currently scrolling through his phone, eyebrows scrunched tightly together. “Looking for where to stream the movie we were thinking of watching-“ he answered, eyes still glued to the device. “Oh? What was it you guys settled on?” Minho was the one who answered, leaning over so his chest was fully flush to your back so he could whisper in your ear. “Something scary. But don’t worry, you can cling to me if you get scared~” he purred and you felt a shiver run up your spine. “Oh- that sounds fun I don’t think I’ve seen a scary movie in a while.” This was an understatement, you’re sure you had never seen a scary movie as you were well…scared to.

Once the snacks were done and the lights turned off, you pulled a blanket over your lap before hugging your knees to your chest. Not even halfway through the movie and you were doing just as he said, clinging to the dancer and hiding your face in his shoulder. “Geez, Cutie I didn’t think you’d be this scared…are you gonna be okay?” He asked, concern laced throughout his tone and tied to his words. “Y-Yeah I’ll be okay….sorry if I’m bothering you too much holding onto you like this-“ “No! I mean, I told you to so you’re just listening to what I said. I should have known you’d follow orders well.” He suddenly became smug, teasing you to hopefully distract from your fear but also to watch the blush he loved so much color your features for him.

Just at the height of the movie, the door swung open and a tipsy Seungmin stumbled In successfully scaring you so badly you jumped onto Leeknow’s lap and wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face there as you screamed. The older held you tight, surprised at first but then as he rubbed your back to calm you down he shot a glare at the second youngest. “Hey! Try to be a bit quieter when you return, please? You gave our Star a heart attack I’m afraid.” You whined, clinging tighter but now to hide your embarrassment. The others let out quiet chuckles thought they had been almost if not just as scared as you were by the puppy’s sudden arrival.

“I think nows as good a time as any to call it a night….do you want me to drive you home or would you rather one of us walk with you?” Minho questioned you. You pulled back to look at him, then the others. “Anyone wanna walk with me or am I letting the cat drive?” You asked, causing Leeknow to hit your shoulder lightly. “I should take offense to that but cats are the superior beings. So thank you.” You rolled your eyes and Hyunjin jumped up. “Since you four are already home so to speak I’ll walk Star home!” You smiled and stood, apologizing for jumping into Minho’s lap in the first place which he waved off with only some light teasing before bidding you both a goodnight.

On the walk to your apartment, the two of you had your hand interlocked, swaying them lightly. “So…how are you liking things here?” The artist asked, glancing down at you to his right. “I think I’m enjoying it here too much….I won’t want to leave when my visa is up in a couple of years.” Hyunjin frowned at the mention of your eventual departure, shaking his head like an etch a sketch to get rid of the troubling thoughts. “I’m glad you are having a good time…I hope that at least is partly because of us.” “It most definitely is! You guys have been so kind, I’m really lucky to have friends like you.” You replied, smiling brightly up at the other before looking ahead to see your building coming up. “Friends like us…yeah.” He sighed, the phrase barely a whisper so you didn’t quite catch what he had said. Once you made it to the front gates you bid him a farewell, insisting you could make it inside just fine.

Reluctantly, he agreed but waited until you were safely inside before heading back to his empty dorm.

It was roughly four fifteen in the morning when you woke to use the bathroom, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and turning to get out of bed. Upon your feet hitting the ground you were shocked wide awake by the wet feeling that shouldn’t be there.

Frantically you grabbed your phone and turned the flashlight towards the floor to see a few centimeters deep of water covering everywhere. You quickly turned on the lights and saw that it wasn’t just your room but your whole apartment had been flooded. The culprit was the waterlines connected to your refrigerator. You groaned, still a big groggy from your interrupted sleep and still needing to pee. You put in an emergency maintenance request, taking pictures of everything as you went for documentation as well as making sure all valuables were safe from damage or at least any further damage. Once you felt a little more in control of the situation the gravity of it all fell on you like a ton of bricks and you started to cry. First, a few tears slipped past unnoticed until soon you found yourself on the middle of your bed with your head in your hands and shoulders shaking with the force of your sobs. Crying only made you feel worse in that moment, the ringing of childhood bullies calling you crybaby echoed through your mind causing you to wipe furiously at your face to get rid of the tears. Once you had calmed down slightly came the next course of action….where are you going to stay now?

Hesitantly, you opened your contacts and dialed the only person you thought may be up at this ungodly hour who could come to your rescue.

“Star? Is everything okay? Are you crying?” The sounds of your sniffling made it through the phone before you could even speak. You thought you had calmed down enobut hearing the concern in his voice only caused the emotions to bubble up again. “Chris? I-I need your help….my apartment is-“ you choked a bit on a sob, causing the other to panic more. “Hey- it’s okay it’s gonna be okay, baby. Can you take a deep breath? I need you to be able to tell me what’s going on so I can help.” You could hear some rustling in the background, what sounded like Bangchan speaking to Han and Changbin while you took a few deep breaths at his instruction. “My apartment is flooded….like completely flooded and I don’t know what to do I already put in an emergency request but I don’t know what to do now do I just go back to bed is it safe to sleep here for right now I’ve never had anything like this happen I don’t know what to do-“ you began to ramble, nerves fully taking over your body and Chan had to speak over you at first to grab your attention. “Hey hey listen to me, Star? Hey- listen. Deep breaths,remember? Relax.” You heard the sound of a car door and then an engine coming to life. “I’m on my way to get you, okay? Grab whatever you’re going to need at least for a few nights you can stay at the dorms and we will figure out where to go from there. It’s gonna be okay, yeah? I’ll be there soon.” You nodded, taking a minute before realizing he couldn’t see you, “o-okay…thank you, Chan. I’ll see you soon?” “See you soon.” And with that he hung up the phone.

Not even ten minutes had passed and you heard his knocks at your door. You had your duffle slung over your shoulder as you made your way through your drenched apartment and to the front door where you opened it only to immediately be enveloped in the leaders warm embrace. The sobs started again, only softer this time as once again you felt an overwhelming sense of dread over the whole situation and now feeling like a burden to your friends for them having to take you in, even if they offered and it was only temporary. “Hey, everything is gonna be okay….I’ve got you, don’t worry.” Was all he said, rubbing small circles on your back as he let you sob into his chest.

author’s note: sorry for so much skipping around in this chapter involving the apartment hunting situation and the mini timeskip- I had started writing more details about the whole process of acquiring the apartment but it just felt so boring and like it wasn’t super idk necessary so I just skipped a bunch to keep things flowing a bit more- I hope you all don’t mind! Again, please let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list for this series and do let me know your thoughts I absolutely love reading you guy’s feedback it gives me the fuel to keep going I swear! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ also if you have any feedback you’d like to share or perhaps any suggestions you’d like to see for what may happen in the series please do share I absolutely love listening to others ideas and it helps get my creative juices flowing at well so please feel free to send those my way (might even see them pop up in some capacity if I feel like it could fit well with where I want things to end up heading) ᕱᕱ⊹₊ ⋆

tag list; @softkisshyunjin @coastinglove @palindrome969 @amara-mars @whiteghostt @silverstar-1117

[precioustarkey]

journalism at its finest

summary: you have made a career for yourself by interviewing celebrities, but are feeling a little uncomfortable when one hits close to home.

warnings: none

i nervously climbed into my car. the engine only makes my nerves rattle more. growing up, i was infatuated with actors and musicians. i found myself watching movies for the actors instead of the plot. listening to songs for the singers instead of the message. i can't explain my relationship with the media. i guess being online a lot as a teenager is to blame.

regardless, i knew from an early age that i wanted to work in the industry. not as an entertainer, but in the background. i wanted to observe the lifestyle up close. going to college for journalism was the best decision i have made for myself because now i get to live out my fantasy. 

i get paid to interview these people. and though i find a lot of them uptight and spoiled, the nosy side of me loves picking them apart. because of my job, i try my best to stay neutral on these celebrities so that they don't feel uncomfortable. apart from the research i do in order to come up with my questions, of course.

today is different. there is a show called "outer banks" that came around during quarantine, so with my free time, i binge-watched the entire first season. as i mentioned, normally i watch tv shows and movies for the actors, but i hadn't seen anyone in this show. 

however, when i delved deeper into google, i found the name of one of the actors to be familiar. drew starkey. i quickly found out that he grew up in north carolina, as did i. confused, i pulled myself from my cocoon on my couch to find my old high school yearbooks. grabbing one at random, i see him grinning in his senior photo. how could i forget? 

ever since i discovered this, i avoided the show like the plague. even though i had been surrounded by celebrities for years now, i had never known one of them personally. it almost ruined the glamorous aura surrounding them. imagining him as a regular teenage boy in the classes we shared was humbling. he wasn't mean in high school, not at all. if anything, i remember finding it odd that he hung around the theater kids because he was a total jock.

because of quarantine, i knew that press would be difficult for the actors, and because of this, i never anticipated having to interview them. which helped ease my nerves. moving to los angeles meant that i would interview every celebrity on the new up-and-coming shows. part of me hoped the hype surrounding the show would die down before the lockdown did.

the entire ride to the studio, i told myself over and over again that there was no way he would remember me. he was a jock, and i barely spoke. it wasn't the fact that i was shy, high school just wasn't for me. i counted down the days to graduation. i was only there because i had to be. i put more focus on my studies than my social life. 

in the back of my mind, i can't help but fear that seeing him will bring back memories of being the closed-off kid i was back then. as long as no one mentions it, everything will be okay. i repeated that to myself a few times before parking my car in the lot. removing my seatbelt as slowly as possible to buy time.

my hands are shaking as i walk to my studio. i send passing smiles to my coworkers as i make my way to the bathroom. i confirm that my hair, face, and outfit look presentable, and read over my questions one last time. 

the cameraman walks up to me as i take my seat to wait for the cast to arrive. "i just got a call; austin and drew are going to be the only ones you're interviewing today. madelyn, rudy, and  madison will be interviewed tomorrow," he says, looking for any sort of confirmation. "that sounds perfect," i say, smiling, still looking at my cards. 

i hear footsteps coming from the hallway and quickly stand up. austin and drew emerged into the room with their crew. "hello! so nice to meet you, my name is y/n," i say with a grin as i hold out my hand to them. they do the same, introducing themselves as they take turns shaking my hand. 

all three seats are now filled, so we can begin the questions. the first fifteen minutes go perfectly; we're laughing, they're thoroughly interested in the questions, and they're giving great answers. turning my attention to drew, i ask, "has this sudden change in lifestyle been difficult for you at all? to go from putting your all into basketball, to then deciding on theater in college?" 

he looks taken aback by my question. that nervous feeling in my stomach is slowly creeping back. i made sure that his sports background was easy to find online, so i was confident he wouldn't be too surprised. "wait a second. y/n? y/n y/l/n?" i can feel my cheeks flush at his realization. 

"can i be honest? i was hoping you wouldn't notice," i said, covering my face with my note cards. we are now sharing smiles. "oh my god. i sat behind you in algebra, you're the only reason i passed that class," he says in between laughs. seeing him in person has brought all of those little memories flooding back. 

after a minute or so of catching up, their team urges us on. "we've got other interviews, guys," the man says impatiently. we carry on for an additional fifteen minutes or so before i have run out of questions to ask. we said our farewells, and i thanked them for coming.

just as they were leaving, drew turned around, brushing past the guys they had walked in with. "y/n can i get your number? i would love to catch up properly whenever we both have time," he says, pulling out his phone. "yes, of course!" i smile, quickly typing in the numbers before they are once again rushed away. 

it felt like no time before my phone started dinging.

part two is here!

[tmwcs]

hi reinaa hru? My brain just gave me an idea abt heethan where readen like runs away cause she thinks heethan doesnt want her anymore and she leaves all of her stuff behind so heethan cannot like track her by credit cards or by her phone so she leaves em all behind and flies away to her parents but surprise surprise, heethan finds her and gives her the most toe curling punishment to ever exist

also can i be 🏆 anon? thanks love u nd ur brain sm! ♡♡♡♡

”Surprise! Guess Whose Here?”

Warnings: heavy non/dub-con, mentioning of punishments, human rights violation, yandere behavior (hardcore yandere) mentions of the word ‘rape’ (again, non con), stalking, coercion, force, brutality, and lots of juicy, obsessive love. Reader is a bit touched starved and this is more consensual than you might think.

“Y/n! What are you doing here? Come inside, it’s dark.”

your mother pulls you in, completely stunned to find you standing at the doorstep. With hard work and perseverance, you left college and gave up your dorm assignment. Leaving no trace of your whereabouts, you left without saying anything to anyone. It was easy, considering the change in Heeseung’s behavior. You didn’t indulge any information regarding him to anyone, not even your parents; as far as they were concerned, you were here on vacation…a vacation where you will eventually indulge and spill your plans on doing college online, and eventually transferring.

heeseung had been quite distant, emotionally and mentally. Yet his possessive and obsessive attitude still remained, but it was so different to see it without the constant indulgence of your touch, the clinging ness of your kiss, and the desire for your flesh. He has been so stoic and barely spoke to you.

You had figured he lost interest, so you asked him if he wanted a break. It shocked you that he grew angry at your inquiry, and punished you by isolating you for days. Punishments weren’t out of the ordinary, at least for him. He always stated it was to show how much he loved you, yet since his behavioral change, his punishments lacked the brutal force of his physical caliber of passion and lust…it lacked the yearn for your body, which you never thought you would admit that you would miss, considering what he used to do was flat out rape, but would transition to an equal rate of desire on your part.

when the punishments came without his usual insatiable acts, you knew it deep down, you lost him…or rather, he lost you…he lost the love he had for you.

“sorry I showed up unannounced mom, we had a random break at school and I wanted to surprise you and dad.” Your throat grew shaky as you lied, you wanted to break down. You missed him so much, leaving him became the hardest thing you had to do. You didn’t even want to think about why he lost interest…especially since he said he would love you forever. That you were only his, and that he would die for your happiness. Was it another woman? Oh God…breaching that question nearly did you in.

“oh well you should have called, I would have prepared dinner for you.” Your mom expressed gleefully, not at all detecting the hidden sorrow beneath your gloried expression. “But this really is such a surprise, I’m just curious as to why you didn’t come together.”

your countenance perks up. “Together?”

“oh sweet pea! There you are.” Your father exclaims happily, almost as if he knew you were arriving. “Ethan, she finally arrived my boy!”

Ethan?!

Your eyes grew wide as you watched him enter the foyer, smirking victoriously as your father pats him on the back of his shoulder, bringing him in to your arms. “He told me that you were going to be paying us a visit and wanted to surprise you. He said that you both will be staying the entire weekend.”

“oh honey that’s wonderful!” Your mother claims jovially, before turning to preparing the guesthouse for you, Heeseung….and Ethan.

“mmmm you finally made it. I was starting to get worried when it got dark.” Heeseung exclaims as he pulls you into a hug, kissing atop your head. You weee stark shock and would have stopped breathing, had it not been the fearful gasp that forced its way out when he faintly brushed his finger over your ear, tucking the strands of hair behind it and whispering for only you to hear…

“But now that I caught you…be fucking ready for what’s coming…my bad girl.”

your mothers voice breaks the airy tone of his words. “It’s late, so why don’t you both go to the guesthouse and get some rest, we’ll do breakfast first thing in the morning.”

his cold hand establishes grip as he leads you out into the back door. Once you were out of sight from your parents, his gentle guidance turned into a harsh drag as he nearly flings you inside the guest townhouse. Turning to lock the door, he shuts the curtains before slowly turned his deadly gaze over to you.

you laid helplessly on the floor, using your elbows to back away as he approaches closer and closer.

“hee-Heeseung…”

“Don’t fucking talk.”

“but—“

he lunges down and toward, grabbing and restraining you as you shifted and did your best to break free through the scuffle.

“stop! Wait—why are you doing this?!”

he doesn’t even bother to answer you, instead, he takes out a leather strap from his pocket, in which he used to tie your wrists together overhead.

everything happened so quickly, the way he tore your blouse open as the buttons fly off and roll across the floorboard. He used his handheld knife to cut your skirt down the center, completely flaying it from your hips. Your undergarments shredded by the pure strength of his own grip. You would have panicked and braced for what was to come, but this time…it was different. He was stripping you—preparing you for something that he hadn’t done for a while. Did this mean he hadn’t lost interest? You wanted to ask, but the sash he fetched out from his back pocket restricted your vocal ability as he tightened over your mouth.

“I don’t know what you were trying to do…putting me through that, but frankly I don’t care to know.” He voices out as he snaps the lace material from your skin, leaving your cavity completely exposed.

“haven’t I made it clear how much I love you?! How much I care and cherish just you?! How i live solely for you?!” He grits his words as he presses his forehead and nose tip aggressively against you. His eyes psychotically wide with a malicious sense of amusement. Smirking deviously, he mocks a tone as he tells you…

“Now I don’t intend to make this pleasant for you, you have to be punished. when it starts to get painful, and believe me darling…it will…” he chuckles deeply with a dark sense of evilness in his voice. “Just remember that all punishments are reminders of our consequences. To be reminded of them, is not a punishment.”

You tremble as he whispered his shallow, but truthful words before raising the hem of his shirt up and above his head. His abdominal muscles flex as he flings the shirt away, along with his baseball cap. He undoes his jeans, pulling the material down with his boxers simultaneously, right before your very eyes. Your heart nearly stopped beating as you watched the stiff erect length of his shaft pop out, poking through the still air, fully perpendicular from his groin. An image that you had been without for weeks, it finally returned to you. Could it be that you misjudged the situation?

watching as your eyes soften, he raises his brows in annoyance, growing perturbed as the level of fear remains absent, which was quite out of the ordinary. Why were you so willing? Normally you would struggle up until the tip of his cock kissed your soft spot. Instead, you lay calmly, almost yearning for it. He wondered for a moment if you were playing games and conducted this whole charade on purpose, just to get a rise out of him. Was it possible that you wanted a punishment? Why wouldn’t you just ask for it? Or would that have lacked the authenticity of its gravity? Now he was curious. He swallowed his words and inquired while untying the sash from a round your mouth.

“what the hell are you doing? Hmm? You trying to be funny little girl? Because you’re pissing me off and I have it within me to make you bleed in more ways than my normal method.” His eyes grew fierce as his Ethan side flares and takes over. Your wrists remained bonded, despite that, you curl your fingers as you try to signal your willingness.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…I thought…I just—“ you begin to tear up as you shy your face away and off to the side. Sobbing away, your hair drapes over your profile; you barely found a way to finish your verbiage.

seeing you breakdown so suddenly furthered his confusion. He was still too angry to entertain soothing you, until you pitifully spoke out. “I’m just so happy that you’re here…and that you still love me.”

his demeanor calms down and the anger in his countenance is replaced with shock. What did you just say?

“For weeks…you were different…cold and you just—you just didn’t seem like you wanted me anymore. I couldn’t take it so I left because I was afraid that if I stayed…I was going to find out the real reason behind your change of heart. I was wounded and ran due to your distraction…or at least that’s what I thought I was doing. If I had known you still loved me, I would have stayed…you know I would have.”

he remained still, hovering over you in despair and guilt. The moment you confessed, he knew exactly what you were referring to. He was so burnt out, focusing on graduation so he could be done with college, only looking forward to taking you away. Dealing with the contractors for the house, making arrangements, certain ones that held the purpose to isolate you front the world, but you didn’t have to know about that right now, which was why he was making it all happen in secret. His days were filled in preparing a future to keep you away from the world to only where he could see, breathe, taste, and get to you. Funny how the one thing that held any purpose in his life was the thing he ended up hurting.

he swipes your hair away as his tone softens. “Hey…” he leans in to your side profile, rubbing his nose against your cheek. “Heeeeeeeeey…”

kissing your ear, he warms you with his touch. Skin to skin, you are comforted by the smoothness of his frame. “Don’t ever think that. I have been busy, but nothing is ever going to take me away from you…and nothing will take you away from me. We belong.”

kissing you, you melt at his loving gaze, when you felt an aggressive tug on the bound on your wrist. “But…you fucking had me in pain when you left…and THAT…is something you’re going to have to pay for.”

you found it hard to believe, but his threat painted a smile on your face, as did his. “But I’ll go easy on you this time…just this time…” his voice trails off as he leans in and elopes your lips into a firm kiss. Your body waves against his when you felt his hands roam and explore the treasured parts of your body.

“Heeseung…please…please.”

“I know baby…I know..”

Inserting himself, he pumps the tip in and out, warming up your entry as the shifting motion causes you to lubricate, allowing him to feel the increase in moisture. Once the slickness heightened, he slowly inserts the rest of his shaft. The pressure of swallowing his cock, experiencing the fullness in your gut, and the faint sting in the stretch nearly made you tear up. It wasn’t out of pain or fear, though that would have been the case any other time, but with this very moment— for the first time in weeks, you felt satisfied and whole again.

“mmm…more…please do more…” you begged.

“more pretty baby?”

you nod as he bellows out deep inside. “Kay….let’s give you more then.”

he slowly exits before jamming the entirety of his shaft back in, electrifying you from toe to finger tip.

“Ah!!”

“yeah baby, let’s give you more.”

you scream and gasp out, tightening around his girth as your walls throb and pulsate, dancing against the harden muscle of his cock. Your toes curl inwards as you desperately dig into your own palms, reminded that you were still restrained by the leather strap.

“yeah baby? Bet you want more, huh?”

your eyes roll back as he continues to thrust at a vigorous pace, causing you to go limp and dumb while he loosens the barren virtue of your chamber. You lose the ability to speak once he shifts his position and stabilizes his weight on both knees. Swooping his hands under your thighs, he unites them together and leans forward, your kneecaps come inches away from your breasts as he props n’s steadies himself by holding them in place. “Fuck you’re so tight like this.” Thrusting away, he delightfully takes in the full view of his cock feeding your entry, the lipped folds wrapped around his circumference as he pumps the juices in and out. “Let me fucking feed you.” He grits out as he feels your hips dip down, succumbing to the intense pleasure. The nerves in your legs, arms, and phalanges grow heated and tingling; your inner thighs shake as your chest heaves yet your breathing hyperventilates.

“Ready for more?” He smirks as he taps against the backside of your thigh. You remained incoherent as he never lost the momentum of his thrusts. “Here comes more.”

Shoving deep inside, his tip twitches as he growls aloud. Tilting his head back, he exposes a full view of his Adams Apple as he hovers directly above you, nearly choking out a deep gasp as his balls pump and twitch, fueling his shaft to continue injecting the fruit of his love inside of you.

“Oh baby…there’s more where that came from.” His voice grows sinister as his chuckling transitions to a full born laugh. A malicious and devious laugh.

his gaze fully transitions—here…was Mr. Hyde.

Ethan….

[teoft]

It's like Tumblr has become almost a diary for me, thanks to no character limit and a read more button. This atmosphere of acceptance and understanding helps a lot too.

I'll get back to posting actual art, juggling with Twitter and Bluesky along with commissions is taking up a lot of my time.

Anyway, thoughts about art community and being social

For the longest time I've had this feeling of being an outsider in this vague community of artists that see as colleagues of sorts. Like I meet all the "criteria" of being in the group, and yet don't really feel like I'm part of it. Well, it seems I am right in some way, and the reason is that they interact with each other, while I sit here drawing alone.

Unfortunately I've always been prone to isolate myself from others. I grew up feeling like I should be ashamed of loving to draw, since it was always fanart monsters, creatures and cool guys instead of "proper art" like animals and portraits. Before social media, I only drew for myself and never showed anything to anybody. I hid my art from my family, from the world, so that I wouldn't be judged. I think it is one of the biggest reasons why I have trouble interacting with people in the context of art (tbh I'm shit at being social anyway but that's a whole another problem).

Even when I had a scanner and means to post my art online, I never did, due to the whole "if you put something online it'll be there forever" mindset. My first actual account anywhere online must've been Facebook in 2010ish, where I only had a few friends. It was the perfect place for me to finally post anything online, and so I did: I used to post pretty much everything I drew on there. Slowly gaining courage, I eventually made my original Tumblr account, then Deviantart, Twitter, etc.

Still, all I did was throw my art out there in hopes of somebody liking it. I didn't really know how to interact with the people who commented on my posts, so instead I mostly just... made more art. I did have some friend groups here and there, but either they ended up falling apart or my social battery drained in such a way that I slowly drifted away. I had gotten used to just being by myself and relying only on myself in the online art world.

During my design studies, I started putting more thought and work on promoting myself, so that it could be one career path for me to take. My mindset was that I'll work hard and become "big", even if it meant that one post gained me just one follower. In 2020 I ended up going viral with a meme and suddenly getting tens of thousands of followers. It was great and a welcome boost of morale, but unfortunately 2020 was otherwise one of the worst years in my life.

Throughout the years people have come and gone, so the only constant for me has been myself, and my drive to develop my skills. Thus it's been too easy for me to just isolate myself. In a way it has been my strength with regards to art, but sometimes I wish I knew how to make lasting connections. I think/know I might be autistic to some degree, which adds to the difficulty of being social. Though, to be honest, I don't know if I'd gotten this far without my autistic hyperfixations.

I guess the thing I need to do now to fix this problem of loneliness and isolation is to just... slowly try and be more social. To reply to comments and talk to people. All of which is easier said than done. Still, just gotta take that first step and then keep going.

Despite lacking the kind of community I yearn for, it seems I've made a name for myself, enough so that people seem to take pride in knowing me. Or at least that's the impression I've gotten a few times. But still, I am happy that I've had a positive effect on people. After all, my two main motivators in art are that I like doing it, and I like when people enjoy my art.

[alittledizzy]

i liked your dnp stuff but the fact that you still feel comfortable posting dnf is actually insane. regardless of the details of the situation why would you even want to think about those men they're such creeps.

I'm happy to hear you liked my Dan and Phil stuff!

Unfortunately I think we're just going to disagree on the rest of your message. The fact that you think they're creeps indicates to me that you're being very truthful and you don't care to look into the details of anything, which we differ on. The details of the situation are actually very important to me, and not at all something I want to disregard.

Here's a fun detail: did you know the campaign against Dream, the root of all of this public opinion about him, started on Kiwi Farms? I'm not going to link it because it's a vile site, but if you've never heard of it you can google for verification. It's an alt right hotbed where the users orchestrate mass harassment and doxxing of anyone they don't like. This is not an insubstantial fan defense of Dream - like I said, you can literally google it. You can look at the thread on him, the over five hundred pages of it. You can see them planning how they'll take him down and spread the lies/rumors.

Can you guess why they might not like an openly queer, neurodivergent content creator in the gaming space? Their actual goal was to try and see if they could get him to kill himself. They set out to start enough rumors that would go mainstream and spread enough about him (doxxing him, his family, etc) and it worked, to an extent. He didn't kill himself, but they absolutely succeeded in making people who aren't familiar with him genuinely believe he is an awful person though none of the facts really stand up because his story is just like most other people's. He grew up in a conservative home and had some dodgy posts about politics from when he was fifteen. (Did you know Phil Lester did the same thing?) That's been warped into "Dream is a Trumper Republican." when he's absolutely not. He's not perfect, but he's literally just a human being who has had a growth trajectory that people want to ignore because it doesn't fit the "creepy" box they think he belongs in.

He was in an abusive relationship as a teenager (where he was abused) and he had some messy situationships with other people his age. Most people with a high school/teenage social experience also go through that. But Dream's actions at 17/18/19 are held on a pedestal compared to real life (not online) adult relationships instead of other messy teenagers. None of the allegations about him are true. They came from fans who couldn't provide any proof, and burner accounts. They were all dropped and recanted. But people don't want to hear him clear things up. They don't want to see that people admitted they were lying. It doesn't fit the narrative of creepy.

Anyway - like I said, I'm glad you liked my dnp stuff, and I wish you the best! But I'm just not someone who is going to distill people down into one specific category or drop anyone based on public opinion without looking at the facts myself and coming to my own conclusion.

[thatsmzbitchtoyou]

The Temptation Chapter 1

Summary: Father Barnes is devout, steadfast, and undeterred by flirtatious congregants.  So why does this fallen angel tempt him so?  You cannot serve two masters.  Will he choose God, or his heart? Here's the Priest!Bucky x curvy!reader fic! I hope y'all like it. Warnings: eventual smut; religion (yes it's a warning); mentions of past sexual assault

Next chapter

“Father Barnes, I have some unfortunate news.”

Bucky turned towards his senior priest, Father Richards.  “Yes?”

“Constance Y/L/N has just passed away.”

“Oh,” Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed as he processed the news.  “How sad.  I mean, she was getting up there in age but, still, a great loss.”

“Yes, it is.  Her funeral arrangements will be handled by her granddaughter, Y/N Y/L/N.  She should be landing into town tomorrow, I was hoping you would be willing to pick her up at the airport and bring her to Constance’s home, then schedule a meeting about the arrangements and the service?”

“Of course, Father.”

That’s where Bucky found himself now, waiting in the baggage claim area of the airport with a sign in his hand that had her name written on it.  He had no idea what she looked like or knew anything about her.  As he looked around, waiting patiently, a woman came through the door that made him do a double take.  She was beautiful, short and curvy, dressed in a long black dress that she kept stepping on, covered by an oversized, long, black and ripped sweatshirt that read “WOMEN RUN SHIT” in red embroidery, Converse sneakers that peeked from under her dress, with long pointy nails and her pink hair piled atop her head, held up by a black scarf.  She had very little makeup on except for a dark, blood red lipstick that Bucky couldn’t seem to stop staring at.  She looked around until her eyes fell on Bucky, read the sign, and gave him a polite smile as she headed towards him.  Bucky gave her a polite smile back as he tried to hide the panic he was feeling inside.   

“Father Barnes?” Y/N asked as she approached him.

“Yes, Y/N Y/L/N?”

“That’s me,” she flashed him a full smile, making her teeth look stark against her lipstick.  

“Is this all you have?” Bucky asked, looking at the purse and backpack slung over her shoulders and the large rolling suitcase she had.

“Yep, don’t have much.  Thank you for the ride.  I haven’t been to Brooklyn since I was a kid and I just didn’t wanna deal with the hassle of a taxi or Uber.”

“It’s no problem.”

Bucky tried hard to not stare at her or even look at her too much.  He had been a priest at his parish for 15 years, and had never had a moment where he felt like he was being led astray, like he’d always been warned about during his seminary years.  He felt secure in his promises and covenants to the church and to God.  And yet here was this woman, who just waltzed into his life on a chance, who he was feeling something very strange towards that made him question his life.  And he didn’t even know her.  Sinful.

“So what do you do for a living?” Bucky tried to break the ice as he drove silently, weaving through the New York traffic as best as he could.

“I’m a traveling photographer,” Y/N said as she watched the buildings and bridges fly by.  

“Really?  That’s interesting.  How did you get into that?” he asked.

“Um, it just kinda fell into my lap, I guess,” Y/N answered, giving him a glance.  “I grew up in Brooklyn, went to the church and everything with my grandmother, but at 16 I decided it wasn’t for me and went through a bit of a rough patch for a while.  Started taking pictures as I went from place to place, posting online, and gained a following.  Here I am, 16 years later, getting paid to go places and take pictures and give travel advice.”

“Wow,” Bucky breathed.  “Where’s your favorite place you’ve been?

“Well, traveling as a plus sized person has its challenges,” she started, shifting in her seat.  “The place that I felt most comfortable was the Leeward Islands, so Bora Bora, Tahiti, those areas of French Polynesia.”

“Very tropical,” Bucky commented.

“Ha, yes,” she giggled.  “A big reason why I loved it.”  She paused and looked at him.  “Have you ever been on a beach like that?”

“No,” Bucky answered.  “A beach at a lake when I was a kid, but nothing quite as pretty as crystal blue waters,” he glanced at her, giving her a lopsided smile.

“Hm,” Y/N watched him, a sad expression flitting across her face.  “That’s too bad.  There’s really nothing like it.”  She paused again, a mischievous grin pulling at her lips.  “A pretty thing like you on a sandy beach in Bora Bora would do wonders with the locals.”

Bucky’s eyes widened at her compliment.  He cleared his throat and swallowed as he tried to relax the blush that filled his cheeks.  “Thank you for the compliment.”

“Anytime, handsome,” she teased him, huffing out a laugh at his expense.

Bucky wasn’t blind to the fact that he had attractive features.  He’d been hit on too many times to count by the women, and some of the men, in his congregation throughout the years.  Some tried harder than others, the idea of a forbidden love or lust-driven “corrupting the priest” sounding appealing.  He’d been able to squash those easily.  He could of course see or recognize when people were attractive, and occasionally had the fleeting thought of “what if?”  But it sounded different coming from her for some reason.  

“I mean really, if the priests looked like you when I was in church I would have paid more attention.”

She said it in such a deadpan tone that Bucky couldn’t help but to fully laugh.  She joined him in laughing as they finally pulled up to her grandmother’s brownstone home.  Bucky helped her hoist her large luggage up the stairs.  Y/N grabbed the key from the hidden spot that the estate lawyer had told her about and let herself and Bucky in.  She wheeled the luggage off to the side as she looked around the foyer.

“Almost exactly the same,” she muttered.

“Y/N–”

“You know, it’s just very strange for me to call you Father,” Y/N interrupted him as she whirled around to face him.  “What’s your first name?”

Bucky’s eyebrows shot up.  “Oh, um, it’s James, but I always went by Bucky.”

“Bucky?” Y/N repeated it, looking confused.

Bucky silently reveled in how she said his name.  “My middle name is Buchanan, don’t ask me why,” he joked, making her snort.  “Bucky for short.  I just always went by that rather than James when I was younger.”

“Well is it alright if I call you Bucky?” Y/N asked hopefully.

Bucky really should have said no, that it’s not appropriate for people to call him by his name rather than his title.  Yet he found himself saying, “Yes.”

“Great.  I’m sorry I interrupted you, what were you going to say?” 

“Well, my senior priest, Father Richards and I would like to set up a meeting with you to go over the funeral arrangements.  When would you like to do that?”

“Sure, um…” Y/N got distracted by something in the foyer.  Bucky followed her eye line to the large cross her grandmother had mounted above the door.  She sighed heavily before meeting his gaze.  “How about tomorrow?  10 a.m.?”

“That sounds great,” Bucky agreed.  “Well, is there anything else I could help you with while I’m here?”

“No, thank you.  You’ve been very helpful,” Y/N gave him a tight lipped smile.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Great, see you then.”  Bucky turned away and out the door, unable to handle being in such a close space with her anymore.

As he got back into the parish car and drove back to the church he heaved a heavy sigh of his own.  This is going to be dangerous.

***

The next morning Bucky found himself taking more time to get ready.  He was trimming his beard, redoing his hair in a bun and repeatedly straightening out his Roman collar and his shirt.  He knew why he was doing it but was in deep denial.

Father Richards was waiting in the main office as Bucky went out to the sanctuary to see if Y/N had shown up yet.  When he walked in he easily found her sitting on one of the pews.  Today she wore a long, fluffy cardigan with a sports bra and flowy lounge pants.  She wore no makeup and her hair looked like she’d just rolled out of bed.  

“Good morning, Y/N,” Bucky greeted her as he approached.

Y/N was staring at the large cross at the front of the sanctuary with the statue of Jesus hanging on it.  Her eyes slowly turned to him, a frown on her face that she tried to hide quickly.

“Good morning, Bucky,” she greeted him, her voice sounding scratchy.  “I’m sorry I look a mess, the jet lag is making me feel rough.”

“I understand, it’s alright,” Bucky gestured for her to follow him.

He led her back into the hallways of the church until they reached the main priest’s office.  Y/N paused for a moment outside the office door as Bucky held it open for her, before she inhaled quickly and stepped through the door.

“Miss Y/L/N, my name is Father Richards,” Richards held his hand out, which she stiffly shook.  “I’m sorry we couldn’t meet under more pleasant circumstances.  May I offer my deepest condolences to you.”

“Thank you,” Y/N said somberly.  She sat on the chair in front of the large wooden desk.  Her eyes settled on one scuffed spot on the desk as Father Richards and Bucky sat across from her.

“So, let’s get started,” Father Richards began.  “I’m sure you know your grandmother was a big supporter of the church.  She gave us some of our largest donations over her lifetime.  She had some instructions she left with me but I wanted to make sure everything sounded good to you before I enacted them, or if there was something left in her will that I wasn’t aware of?”

“The will and everything else is stuck in probate court right now,” Y/N answered, her tired eyes trying to focus on him.  “So honestly, whatever she told you is fine.  Doesn’t really matter to me.”

“I see,” Father Richards said, sounding a little annoyed.  Bucky glanced at him.

“Please don’t mistake my indifference for not caring,” Y/N retorted.  “I loved my grandmother, I just didn’t love her religion.  And that caused a rift between us.  I haven’t seen or spoken to her in years, so I was pretty surprised when I got a call from a lawyer in New York telling me she’d died and left me everything,” she continued, her words getting more curt by the second.  “No offense to either of you but me being here is highly triggering.  So is there anything else you need from me?”

“Uh, yes,” Richards tried to recover the conversation, his tone sounding more jovial.  “She did ask that you sing at her funeral.”  

“Absolutely not,” Y/N spat, her eyes narrowing as she minutely shook her head.

“Oh, well, I mean that’s what she wrote here–”

“No.”  

Bucky watched on in concern.  He knew the church came with a lot of baggage for some people, that its history was unclean.  He worried about what this would mean for them as she worked with them for this funeral.

“Hm, of course you don’t have to, but she always said how you had a lovely singing voice–”

“I said no,” she seethed.  “Now if you’ll excuse me,” she stood suddenly, Bucky and Father Richards copying her.  “I need to go.  Just call me if you need something else.”  She rummaged into her cardigan pocket, pulling out a wallet and taking out a business card, flinging it at them on the desk.  “Good day.”

She turned on her heel and hightailed it out of the office.  Father Richards and Bucky exchanged a bewildered look.  “Go,” Father Richards instructed.

Bucky jogged out of the office to catch up to Y/N.  “Y/N, please wait!”

Y/N sighed loudly as she turned back around to Bucky.  “I’m sorry for my rudeness, I just can’t stay here,” she said, continuing to walk away. 

“Hey,” he jogged around her until he faced her.  “Obviously there’s some deep problems you have with the church.”

“No shit Sherlock,” she dodged him, heading towards the front doors.

“And I don’t blame you!” Bucky walked alongside her.  “There have been bad things that have happened in its history.”

Y/N stopped abruptly as she rounded on him.  “To ME!” she pointed a finger towards herself.  Bucky stopped, his eyes widening at her.  She was shaking as she tried to calm herself.  She took a deep breath and a step back from him.  “I appreciate that the church has given you comfort, peace, a purpose maybe, but I grew up here,” she paused, stopping herself from crying.  “Father Carmine was here before you two, right?”  Bucky nodded his head slowly as he watched her.  “He hurt me.”

Bucky felt his heart plummet.  He had met Father Carmine many years ago as he and Father Richards were transferred in to replace him.  He had had an amazing rapport with the community, his congregation seemed to love him.  Now Bucky knew the reason for his sudden retirement.

Y/N scoffed.  “That notch on the desk?  In the office?  That’s from the heel of my shoe,” she took a step closer to him as she peered up at him, a fury in her eyes that made him feel like withering on the spot.  “My Mary Jane shoes, from my school uniform, when I was 15 years old.”  Bucky felt like he was going to throw up as he digested this information.  “So you’ll have to excuse me, if coming here to the place where I was abused and then unbelieved by the woman who raised me who I now have to bury, is dredging up some pretty raw emotions in me right now.”  Y/N was whispering now, her eyes filling with tears as she glared at him.  “Every cross, every Jesus statue, every rosary, every goddamn Roman collar,” her eyes flickered to his neck, “reminds me of that day.  So the fact that my grandmother was willing to still hold her funeral here in this godforsaken place, and then have the audacity to throw her money at me and ask me to sing?”  Y/N shivered violently as she grunted.  “I can’t…”

Bucky didn’t know what to do as he watched her fight off an oncoming panic attack.  “Y/N, hey…look,” he started to take off his Roman collar.  She watched him hesitantly.  “See?  Look, just me.  Not Father Barnes, not Father anything, just Bucky.”  He held his hands up towards her in a sign of meaning no harm.  “Constance was extremely devout, for sure,” Y/N scoffed again, rolling her eyes.  “But that was no excuse for her not to believe you,” he took a step forward.  Y/N’s eyes narrowed at him.  “You deserved to be believed.  You deserved justice, and you never got it.  I’m so sorry,” he took another step until he could reach out and hold her arms.  He lowered his face so he was eye level with her.  “I’m so sorry for what happened to you.  You didn’t deserve it, no one deserves that.” Y/N’s tears finally fell as she shook in his hands.  “And I’m sorry for Father Richards pushing you, he’s a very…no nonsense, regimented kind of guy.  But he should have taken your refusal the first time.”  He squeezed her arms and she took a shaky breath.  “We’ll follow her instructions, get through the funeral, and then you can be done with this place.  And go enjoy a long vacation on a beach in Bora Bora for me.”

Y/N laughed at that, her smile finally breaking the sadness etched in her face.  She wiped her eyes as Bucky dropped his hands from her.  He felt like his palms were stinging from the sensation of touching her.  “Thank you, Bucky,” she sniffed.  

“No problem,” he smiled at her.  “I know this isn’t a great place for you, but I hope you know that I believe you, and I’m here for you.”

Y/N gave him a long look, her eyes roaming his face momentarily.  She nodded and turned to leave, then suddenly turned back around and walked up to him.  She wound her arms around his waist and gave him a hug, squeezing him.  He barely had a chance to hug her back before she stepped away and walked out of the front doors.  Bucky watched her leave, already missing the way she smelled.

***

A week later the funeral was held.  Constance had quite the turnout for her service.  Since she had no other family other than Y/N she had made connections with almost everyone in the congregation, and with her large donations throughout her life to that parish specifically the church was willing to go all out for her.  Y/N had let the two priests handle everything, only coming back one day before the funeral to go over the itinerary for the day before swiftly leaving.

Bucky gave a short portion of the service and then sat down next to Y/N as Father Richards finished the rest.  She was in all black: a long sleeved, boat-neck dress that reached the floor, with black lace gloves and a black lace veil on her head, holding Constance’s rosary.  Her face was devoid of emotion as she looked down at the floor.  When it was time for a song Y/N squirmed in her seat, wrinkling the program in her hand.  Bucky reached out and held her hand, which seemed to help her ground herself.  She didn’t look at him, but gave his hand a small squeeze of appreciation.

When the time came for people to walk to the casket for one last viewing, many people placed roses and other flowers on top of the closed part of the lid, then walked over to Y/N and shook her hand, offering their condolences.  Bucky stood by her.  Whenever someone tried to bring something up to her about her inheritance from her grandmother or some kind of favor that was once promised he helped to move the line along.  Constance was finally buried in the church’s courtyard, which really wasn’t something that was done anymore, but since she had been a huge donor her request was granted to be buried there.  After people were leaving and Bucky was bidding farewell he suddenly couldn’t find Y/N.  One second she stood next to the grave, the next she was gone.  He looked around then went inside.  He searched the halls, the offices, and then entered the sanctuary.  She was standing at the front next to the prayer candles.

“There you are, I thought I’d lost you,” Bucky huffed a laugh.  “Everything is finished.  You are free.”

“I’m not,” Y/N sighed.  She held up Constance’s rosary in her hand, admiring the glass beads and the gold.  It was an expensive rosary that most people would not be able to afford.

“What do you mean?” he asked as he walked up behind her.

“The estate,” she answered simply.  “The lawyer called me yesterday.  He said that there’s some donations she had written in her will for the church, so I won’t be rid of this until that’s settled.  Which could take months.”  Her fingers gripped the rosary tightly.

“Oh, I’m…I’m sorry, Y/N,” Bucky mumbled.

“It’s fine,” she waved him off as she faced him.  “Thank you for all your help today.  And if you could pass along a thanks to Father Richards I would appreciate it.”

“Of course,” he promised, giving her a quick smile.

She sighed again, giving the cross with Jesus on it another glance.  “You know what?  Here,” she reached for his hand then plopped the expensive rosary into his palm.  “It’s no use to me.”

“Y/N, this is…it’s very nice, I can’t take it,” Bucky sputtered as he stared at the rosary.

“Yes you can.  I don’t want it, and who else would get more use out of a rosary than a priest?” she gave him a smirk.  “I’m going to go get drunk and find someone to fuck.  Tell Jesus I said hi when you pray for me.”  She winked then swayed her hips as she walked down the aisle and out the doors.

Bucky’s mouth dropped open as she left, his hand almost dropping the rosary.  He felt a stirring below his belt that made him blush and give the Jesus statue a sheepish look.  She’s gonna be the death of me.

**picture if from Pinterest, it's A.I. so there's no "artist" or "creator"**

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

To add on to the person asking about Larry and if u think it was real- I (unfortunately) used to be one- but as I grew up and kinda connected the dots I realized that if they were together, it likely evolved into something very unhealthy. There’s plenty of evidence that A) Harry wanted a solo career and B) Louis didn’t know. Amongst other unhealthy things… my guess as to why Louis gets so triggered by Larry of course is likely bc of his son, but also bc it’s likely that people are romanticizing his relationship with an ex that hurt him. Can you imagine ur S.O betraying you and you 1) can’t say anything about it 2) have to talk nicely about them anyway but also 3) everyone keeps shipping you two and you can’t scream that this person hurt you. I think they’ve forgiven each other and I don’t think that there’s any true bad blood, but I can imagine it’s exhausting to have to hear about

My guess is that Louis knew that Harry wanted to go solo (if Zayn did, surely Louis did), but at the time of hiatus, Louis (+Niall +Liam) didn’t know how much Harry would try to disassociate himself from One Direction. I think that was the most painful to Louis, Harry’s disloyalty. Louis could probably forgive Harry’s greed and the poor choice of friends, but not the insult to a band he was very proud of.

I also don’t think Harry’s change was something that happened right away; it wasn’t a switch that turned on January 1, 2016. Through 2016 Louis had a lot of personal issues to deal with (Freddie’s birth, Jay’s illness), and if I recall, in early 2017 Louis was patiently watching and waiting to see what would happen. There was a feeling of optimism that all of 1D could all do some sort of solo projects and support each other. Remember when Harry retweeted the photo of Louis drinking a milk shake, in April 2017? Harries won’t admit that he did this intentionally, but Harry Styles did, and the tweet was left up for 45 minutes. I think Louis was aware.

In 2017, Louis had praised Harry’s music and film (and hyped everyone else’s projects), wished Harry a happy birthday online, and given a lot of good will. Louis also denied Larry in July 2017 so Harry wouldn’t have to (but he still got to say he was “unlabeled”— LGBT friendly). At some point, it became clear that Harry wouldn’t return Louis’ good will, and that it wasn’t in Sony’s plans, either. Louis had taken the high road, and he got played. I think Louis used a word in his 1883 magazine interview, that people who weren’t native to LA but were transplants from elsewhere were “snakes.” For Louis, that’s a loaded, emotional word, with a lot of personal betrayal behind it.

I do think that Louis gets very irritated by the mention of Larry these days. You can see the difference in his facial expression between 2017 (sardonic, playful) and 2024 (tired, sick of it, disgusted). Louis took the extraordinary step of blocking HLD. Blocking a UA is something he has never done.

I would agree with you that Louis has gotten over whatever happened with Harry. He talks about Harry as a brother, not unlike Niall, in a neutral way. Both at the Euros finals and at Liam’s funeral, they were in the same vicinity with little to no interaction— neither positive nor negative. They didn’t avoid each other but weren’t visibly warm toward one another. Louis’ sister Lottie was at the funeral as well, seen only talking to Zayn’s family. Louis had no interactions with Ben Winston or James Corden, whom he’s known for ages. When Louis did talk to someone, it was Zayn.

Part of the reason that I think Louis is able to let go of the past is that he is secure in his own career now, with his own investments and projects, and a clear way ahead. AOTV was an exorcism of sorts. When Louis wrote Walls, he could say goodbye to those traumas through his creativity. When he made AOTV, he processed the trauma from One Direction, including the most hurtful, most traumatic times. Unlike Harry, Louis has no pettiness. He doesn’t really ever blame others, but rather tries to work out how to get it out of his own system.

But you can understand that a normal person only has so much forbearance for fans’ invasive, toxic nonsense. No matter how clearly Louis shows his displeasure, Larries don’t give up. I think this is one main reason that Louis rarely ever comes on social media.

Addendum: I also think that because Liam died from issues of addiction, anxiety, and lack of self-confidence, Louis feels responsible in a way, because he had always tried to publicly support and defend Liam. And I do think that Louis feels his bandmates could have done more for Liam, especially Harry, who never publicly returned Liam’s support or friendship. I think this is a very tough thing to forgive. I think Zayn’s gesture is wonderful, and I know Louis sees it too.

[valle-de-sombra-de-muerte]

Homestuck Reread: Act 4, Part 4/4 (p. 1865-1988)

Read the previous post here.

Oh boy it's the final stretch for this Act. I want to take a moment to express my appreciation for all the new followers I've gained over the course of this reread. I have 60 now, which is incredible. Thank you all!

With that said, this post will contain some... sticky subject matter. I wonder how many of you will choose to dip after this.

[CONTENT WARNING: Discussion of incest starts below the second image]

Oh my fuck it's the ectobiology section. Out of all the convoluted and frivolous mechanics in Homestuck, this one might be the worst in my opinion. Worse than the adventure game jokes cribbed from Problem Sleuth, worse than the punch card alchemy and other ponderous Sburb mechanics... I'd say it's worse than the time travel shit, but this is actually more of a subset of that. So yeah, time travel continues to be the worst thing about Homestuck, and shit like this and the bunny subplot are prime examples of that. But my ire is fully directed at ectobiology at this moment.

The stuff I mentioned before at least has a purpose; they parody needlessly complicated video game mechanics. But ectobiology doesn't have a purpose. It's not funny, nor does it serve the story in a meaningful or even interesting way. So why does it exist? Is it to drive home the point that these select individuals are the "chosen ones" by Sburb? If I had to hazard a guess what Hussie meant by that...

Earth is a vile place and must be destroyed, so sayeth Sburb. Everything living on it is flawed by extension, so its chosen destroyers must be fully disconnected human society and the planet itself. These destroyers have been plucked from the aether and reconstituted from bullshit plot slime in a faraway part of time and space, ensuring that they are unquestionably divorced from anything from Earth, and therefore pure.

Now that I type all that out, it's no wonder none of the kids were all that shaken up about bringing about the apocalypse. Considering that they're essentially game constructs with no actual ties to humanity, it really throws away any sort of conflict and sense of sacrifice brought about by destroying the planet. All the innocents who perished in the meteor showers? Eh, fuck them! They were all NPCs anyway. All hail the slime people!

Okay, I'm sure this wasn't Hussie's actual intent, but if there's no grander symbolism at play, what else is there? None of this adds anything to the plot. The fact that the main cast are non-humans is never touched upon and the whole thing reads as superfluous sci-fi garbage. The only significance the meteors carrying the babies had was that John's Nanna died from a meteor strike. But it was already suggested way earlier that she died because she was crushed by the Colonel Sassacre book.

That was a perfectly serviceable, slightly comedic death befitting of a family of jokesters. There's no need to escalate it and involve a giant meteor.

One other thing I take umbrage with: because the cast were all birthed from the same slurry, this means that Dave and Rose are now """related""". They aren't related by blood, no, but by slime. Which, in the eyes of Hussie and the fandom at large, means the same thing, I guess. Even though they never grew up as siblings, lived separate lives in different parts of the country, and only met online as strangers before developing a (very flirtatiously charged) friendship, the fandom treats them as if they're flesh and blood brother and sister. It boggles my mind. Why is this being treated as legitimate? Did Hussie plan all along to take the two characters with the best chemistry only to pull a Luke and Leia on us? Why would he write them like that if this was his endgame? Does he just have an incest fetish?

I wouldn't doubt it because themes of incest are actually quite pervasive within Homestuck. And that's without even mentioning how Hussie developed an alien race that fundamentally relies on incest to reproduce. Ectobiology creates several relationships, incidental or otherwise, that tie nearly the entire main cast in a complicated web of pseudo-familial dynamics. Like John is actually the kids' progenitor/father because he's the one who brought them all into existence. So even if he isn't related to Rose or Dave by genes or slime, he still gave birth to them in a sense.

I've even seen people say that since Betty Crocker/The Condesce was Nanna's adopted mother, that makes the Egbert/Crocker/Harley/English family tree "related" to the Peixes trolls, so any ship with that combination is "incest." What if I told you that Feferi is related to all the other trolls via bullshit slime mechanics as well? I guess that makes Johnkat incest too. And if John is Dave's father... gasp! Davekat is also incest!? It's over folks, burn everything down.

Anyway, I don't acknowledge Rose and Dave as biological siblings because I don't treat being born from a vat of slime as the same as being birthed from the same womb. That would be treating ectobiology as valid and sensible, which I refuse to do. I don't want to lend Hussie's fixation on incest any amount of approval. All I know is that the trolls are made of the same stupid plot sludge and nobody cares if you ship them. There are no humans and trolls: only slime constructs. Either everyone is related or none of them are. You can't have both.

In the end, none of this matters. The world would be a much happier place if we all collectively agreed to forget ectobiology's existence. If this ruffles your feathers, just block me. Don't come at me because I'll just ignore you.

So Grandpa Harley had time-traveled forward to the future and into Sburb before returning to the past, living out his life on Earth, and dying. Fucking okay I guess!

At least this answers the question I had that yes, Mom Lalonde knew what she was doing before entering the game because Grandpa told her everything. Same with Bro and Dad, it seems.

Ah yes, Dad x Mom. A relationship that ends nearly as soon as it begins. Let's put this right alongside the Exile love triangle and DaveTav in the "relationships that are teased but never manifest into anything meaningful" pile.

"Ackshually, everyone was born from a vat of slime on a distant meteor and sent back to Earth to live out their lives!" - the ramblings of an utter lunatic.

Like god fucking forbid the kids be normal people placed in extraordinary circumstances.

The babies all gravitate to the things they'll have a connection to in the future. Nanna gets her son's hat, Bro gets Cal, etc. Dave clings to Maplehoof, which doesn't seem like a clear connection. Except... that's Rose's horse, isn't it? Ohhh. It all makes sense now. 😏

This exchange is a top 10 Karkat moment for sure.

The supposed saviors that will revive the human race aren't even human, they're slime creatures! Beyond the fact that none of them are human, the Superman analogy falls flat because none of these kids are humanity's protectors. They're just following the whims of a game that ultimately does not give a fuck about any of them.

I need "JOHN EGBERT, YOU HAVE ASSASSINATED MY PATIENCE." emblazoned on a banner or something.

Also Karkat calls Superman a "Caucasian alien" and he also refers to a genie as an "Earth Arabian" in an earlier log.

He really knows a lot about different human ethnic groups, for some reason.

I think about "you always call jail the slammer when you are extra angry" on a somewhat regular basis.

Sassacre is killed, but since he was a human, his death is inconsequential. Grandpa, a slime homunculus just like Nanna, is given new life, which is a cause for celebration. This whole sequence is quite morbid with Sassacre's bloody corpse just hanging out in the frame.

But wait, if Nanna and Grandpa are adopted siblings, and John and Jade are their "genetic children"... augh, never mind! This is what I mean when I say ectobiology produces all kinds of unfortunate relationships. I don't want to think about any of this pseudo-incest anymore. How are there people who make it their whole online careers to dissect this garbage so they can harass people about this shit? Don't they get tired? It's giving me a headache.

Rose is even referred to as John's "daughter" in the title of this flash. I'm not just blowing smoke when I say that John is everyone dad. That's literally what just happened.

Now that we're finally done with this segment, I'll cap it off with this: Nothing of value was added with the inclusion of ectobiology. I know I've been throwing around the phrase "waste of time" in these posts, but this bit of worldbuilding is unequivocally, without a doubt, the biggest fucking waste of time in this entire comic.

Woof. Shall we move on?

While Davesprite and Terezi sort of reconciled in their conversation and formed a bit of a bond, Dave doesn't receive her nearly as amicably. Why is she doing the "1S TH1S YOU" joke with Dave when that was a bit she did with Davesprite?

Oh right, because she thinks that same relationship will carry over to "real Dave". She sees them as the same person just like everyone else. Lovely.

Dave thinks he can burn Terezi by repeatedly insulting her blindness, even though it's clear that it doesn't bother her at all. This is really weak, especially when compared to his log with Tavros where he forced Tavros to block him.

Terezi seems to have completely given up on John and now wants to be annoying and nasty to Dave instead. She has officially been downgraded from minor antagonist to obnoxious interloper.

Tavros could only ever enjoy himself when he could escape to Prospit, be mobile, and most importantly fly. Nobody ever wants to talk about how Tavros has a lot of avoidance issues, how he always shrinks away from action and confrontation, and how he copes with adversity through escapism (both in a figurative sense through his interest in fantasy, and in a literal sense when he dreams on Prospit). A big part of his character comes from Peter Pan, the archetype of childlike escapism! IDK man, it sucks to see people reduce him to this lovable, pure-hearted woobie while ignoring the key part of his character.

Just like with Davesprite, Terezi just needed to send the right drawing for Dave's opinion of her to flip. Fantastic conflict resolution right there.

[S] Descend is the End of Act flash for Act 4. It might be the most ambitious flash up to this point. Lots of guest artists contributed here, and it's at this point where Homestuck really begins to feel like a much more collaborative project instead of solely Hussie's work. I don't mean to discredit the music team when I say that, because they've been around since the start, but this feels more substantial since Homestuck is a primarily visual work.

Anyway, Bro slices a meteor in half to save Dave's life, and later has his rocket board transport Dave into the game safely. Chalk that up to his list of noble deeds to try and balance out his dastardly ones.

Jack fucks shit up indiscriminately, so why does he spare WV? Feels a little out of character for him.

The brief Jack and Bro fight is pretty sweet. I'm not a shonen guy, but I'm getting that same sort of energy from this. Knowing that Bro probably knew all about the kinds of monsters he'd have to fight in Sburb, he has probably been training for something like this for most of his life. Had Jack not gotten god powers, Bro probably could've wasted him.

I like to think that Rose's merging with her doomed self is what causes her to act so destructive and nihilistic from this point on. She wants to destroy the game that killed her.

So okay... when Dave and Rose gave John their bunnies for his present, both of them clearly put a lot of thought in their gifts. Dave gifted him a piece of merch from his favorite movie. Rose restored an old heirloom using John's previous gift to her. Jade assembled "a fun and completely ridiculous thing" that has no sentimental meaning and only carries a vague sense of importance.

Does she just not know what he likes? This is less a gesture of friendship and more of her blindly fulfilling the whims of Sburb. I really struggle to see how Jade fits in this friend group dynamic. She's like the weird kid that the others let hang around out of pity.

Waow! After all that buildup with the box mystery, the bunny and Jack are going to have a showdown! Finally we can see what all the fuss is about and why this bunny is so important.

... Or Jack can just fly away and they never fight at all. Cool Hussie. It's so cool how you spent several pages devoted to this plot point only to let it fizzle out like this. Incredible writing.

How much time do you think elapsed between Grandpa bringing Dream!Jade's corpse aboard his airship and gutting, cleaning, stuffing, and mounting her? He probably did it all after he flew off, but I like to imagine him doing this all before that while Mom and Dad just stood around awkwardly waiting for him to finish.

Act 4 had its ups and its downs. A lot of downs. The ups also felt a little bittersweet because for every intriguing story hook like the Exile love triangle, Dave's relationship with Tavros, Rose and her mother, or anything involving Davesprite and doomed Rose, they all amount to nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Homestuck truly is a collection of fun ideas all unfortunately cobbled together by someone who doesn't know how to properly execute them in a story. The colorful art and the kickass music can only serve to cover up the flaws so much before the veneer peels and you see the ugly cracks underneath. I wish we lived in a world where Andrew "writing is easy" Hussie had an editor to salvage the good stuff and throw shit like ectobiology into the garbage.

If it sounds like I'm wrapping things up, think again. This journey isn't over yet. It's time for Act 5! People like to joke about how you should skip all the way to that one, but after everything I've read so far... I wouldn't blame anyone if they did.

Read the next post here.