#I guess I just need to figure myself out so im excited for college but feel like im overhyping it and ill just be alone and sad again

[orcelito]

Actually it is SO weird to me to remember that I was an engineering student and that later on I had been pursuing a minor in statistics

I may be a IT & com person in the end, but I do have the foundations of engineering and statistics in my brain too. Wild !

[revoltinglittleworm]

This is so typical of me

But

Basically i decided im really gonna change my life. Like no bullshit no pseudo-hopefulness. Like im actually gonna do it lmao.

I came up with something, that could satisfy me and make things easier, consistent, and successful. At least i think!

The things that eat away at me the most in life:

1) an art that i am very passionate about and want to make a successful reality for myself.

And

2) money.

It’s really sad but it’s the reality so I’ve thought, well, i already know what my long term goal is in life. Music. And since i have struggled for so long trying to figure out my stupid life, and how i can survive, pay rent and bills, buy food, and be happy/comfortable, I’ve gone back and forth on a lot of things trying to make a happy/comfortable life possible. As soon as possible.

I’ve realized that dedication is a huge issue i have. And it’s what’s been holding me back for sooooo long. Music has always been such a huge, important goal for me. But that kind of thing takes a lot of time and work.

And something i have dabbled with in the past is fashion. I mean, originally, when i went to college, i was going to study it. I think i am naturally good at it, honestly. I just lack this dedication and focus. But i am so desperate for money, and a way to make money that aligns with my passions and visions, and i think fashion is a good thing to pursue. I remember when i did do some work in fashion, i felt very satisfied with what i did. Frustrating, sure, because im an amateur. But I also gave myself grace, which is extremely hard for me to do. And i do the same with music.

There’s other things in life that i come back to and try and try for. Like painting. I always feel so disappointed in it though. I never give myself grace for it, either. But i think the fact that these two things, that i am able to be more patient about, is such a good sign.

So… im giving myself 6 months. 6 months to basically do nothing besides work at my normal job, work on music, and work on sewing/fashion. That’s it. It might seem harsh and inflexible, but honestly, after trying and realizing my patterns and how i operate, i need dedication, consistency, and discipline. It’s what can really change me and my life. So i guess starting tomorrow im just gonna… do that. Let go of everything else, because it’s all just so unnecessary, i believe.

Like, can you imagine how much i could accomplish, learn, and change in 6 months, if i just didn’t give up and kept going? Idk. I think it’s a good idea. And im really excited about it lol…

[alittlebitofloveliness]

Where mooties off of anon but o don’t feel like venting off anon.

Im genuinely failing at life. Im so sick of people telling me im doing fine, im failing in my eyes, redeal math means im NOT smart. I want college, college is the end goal, but I don’t know, trying to hard but I still have a C.

I’m gonna be honest all I see is k**king myself by age 19. If I make it that far, I’m NOTHING, I’m good at NOTHING, I can’t do shit, I’m not enough, I’m alone, I’m lonely and don’t know what to do with my life.

I’m getting no where, and I’m always, I don’t know, I’m on the verge of just shutting down and going mute again.

-🛢️🛢️

Oh honey, I wish i could just give you the biggest hug (if you're not a hugger then I wish I could bring you a hot chocolate and watch your favourite show with you)

I'm gonna say some bullshit you've probably heard before and are sick of hearing because it's true, and then i'm gonna say some stuff that you probably haven't heard but I think is important

First off, SO many people struggle with math, it doesn't make you a failure or dumb it just means you're not a math person. Honestly, though, fuck math. Math is not the be all end of all of schooling or life and schools need to stop pretending it is. You also don't need math to get into college, depending on the program you want. If you're trying, and you're trying the best that's all you can do. Im proud of you either way. If your best was just getting up and going to the math class, then I'm sill super proud of you. If just waking up was your best, guess what? IM STILL PROUD OF YOU! Life is hard, and elementary and highschool are REALLY fucking difficult. They were the worst period of my life, but it gets better. I know that sounds like bullshit but it isn't. I spent a lot of highschool feeling the way you do right now, and when I moved out I met new people and went to a place where no one new my name and it felt like my life truly began. Just hang in there. This is a season, but it's not forever. I PROMISE.

You're not nothing, and I guarantee you're good at something. If you're on here youre probably good at writing or drawing or leaving comments on other peoples work that make them happy- what a truly wonderful skill that is. You say we're mooties. Each and every single one of my moots makes my day everytime I see a like or a comment or a reblog pop up, or I see something in my inbox. I bet you have other skills too. Just because they're not necessarily school related or marketable doesn't make them worthless, and they certainly don't make you worth nothing. One of my skills is making perfect scrambled eggs. it's not an amazing skill. not one I can build a career on. But its useful when my housemate stumbles inside after a twelve hour shift, dead on her feet. It feels like a little miracle then, to support someone I care about. I bet you have little miracles hidden in your hands too, you just need to find them.

i'm lonely sometimes too. A lot of the time. But loneliness doesn't mean youre alone. I'm here for you. I am a connection that cares about you even if you're on anon and I can only guess who you are. I'd miss you if you weren't around, and you can't know the love I feel for you as I write this out, but it's real and it's deep and I'm holding your hand through the screen and trying to make you believe that everything will be ok. and after ok it will be better. and after better it will be wonderful. You'll find your wonderful, lovely. I promise. And I'll be here for you while you find it.

It's ok not to know. It's ok to not know who you are or where youre going or what you want out of life. I'm still trying to figure out the answer of all those questions and I've messed them all up a few times. The world won't end because you don't know or you make mistakes. it only grows. it just gets wider. I know the fear. I know the bone deep terror that comes with the unknown, in all it's forms. But you can channel it into excitement. it can take a while. it probably will. You might need help to get there. But you can do things even if you're scared. You can fail and it will never be the end of the world, just maybe the end of an adventure. But it might be the start of another one. I'm sorry if this is cheesy but it's genuinely the only way I know to describe this. the world is scary but you have to do it scared so that you can eventually do it excited and after that do it happy.

If you shut down and go mute, thats ok. it means your brain is tired and you probably need a break, and probably some help. But you'll be okay. you can heal and feel better, and it might be scary but you can do it. I know you can.

I love you. Thank you for trusting me with this ask, I hope I was able to help, even just a little bit

[pprodsuga]

omggg a snippet just for meeee i'm so honoured u wanted to share something with lil 'ol me. stop it before i develop a parasocial relationship with you...

on a different note, if u will allow me to rant for one wee second.. this is completely irrelevant to anything but i was looking for some romcom novels to read (bc i need to stop letting fanfiction consume me), and tell me why authors pick the ugliest most generic ytest names. i haven't read a real book in a while and i'm so used to reading ff now where even side characters have korean names that the switch over back to western books is awful. i had to stop my search bc wtf is GARRETT and TUCKER. ik a korean name is just a name, there's nothing objectively special, but it's just more unique in the sense that i don't see it often outside of media. the only way to get around this is fantasy books where the names aren't even real names (thank god the book im currently reading is fantasy). PLEASE can i just get an ethnic name and maybe more ethnic characters or something... sob. i just want a college romcom to cope so i can get away from college au's😭 yeah it's fucked for me. thank u for listening to my unsolicited bitch sesh

-comet

just for you, for always being so thoughtful in your words. more under the cut to spare the dash.

your first messages back in june struck a chord within me for two reasons: talking about my writing was an incredibly kind thing for you to do and it validated the hell out of my work. but also, i was experiencing a lot of friendship turmoil that i had to navigate (re: why i wrote never to keep).

i don’t know if i’ve ever expressed just how grateful i am to have read your messages at that time because for that entire month, i felt like i did not have anyone in my life to back me up when i stood up for myself. knowing that you thought i must be someone with a great deal of empathy and kindness restored a bit of faith in me and who i am as a friend. i reread your message over and over again until i could remind myself that i am who i am for a reason. so thank you.

character names are something i think about a lot, both in fanfics and regular fiction. i’m oftentimes taken out of the story when it feels so incredibly yt (but go figure, i’m not white but have a “white” name so i understand that there is some nuance sprinkled in there). but sometimes we just crave that subtle representation in an ethnic name so i don’t have to wait for the author to explain that they’re not….white. in every sense of the word. but like if you’re gonna pick a white name then at least make them sound HOT?

onto the snippet! i’m excited to post this one. no idea when i’ll finish writing/editing but i’m excited that you’re excited. not providing context bc im a menace and will make you wait. 😎 (thank you for being excited.)

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

Sunghoon turns to look at you. “You were always the most unpredictable part of my day.” 

“Me?” 

“Yeah. You moved into the apartment next to mine and running into you a few times a week kept me on my toes. I don’t know. I guess I saw you as someone I would have potentially befriended. I could at least pretend I was coming home to talk to someone who cared.” 

“That’s…very sweet. You’re a nice person, Sunghoon.” 

He sighs. “I don’t feel that way. I don’t know when I’m gonna see my family and friends again and explain all of this, but I'm starting to get the feeling that they’ll never hear from me and they’ll never know what happened tonight.” 

“You know,” you begin, “a lot of my life was spent moving from place to place and never having anything or anyone to call home. I can’t imagine what it must feel like for you to leave everything behind. For that, I truly am sorry.”

“It’s really not your fault,” Sunghoon says dryly. “Whoever tried to kill you should get a bullet to his head.” He hears you laugh awkwardly.

“Yeah, well that likely wouldn’t solve our problems.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I don’t think that man acted on his own accord. It’s too professional to assume he’s working alone.” 

“You’re saying he’s working with someone else?” 

“Or, he’s working for someone.” 

Sunghoon gulps. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

“The price of freedom is high. Remember that.” 

“You know, none of this explains how you know what you’re doing. If you know, for that matter.” 

He doesn’t hear you move for a short while and closes his eyes shut. Once again, he’s found himself slipping up and saying things that don't translate well. Too afraid to speak, Sunghoon considers sleeping and dealing with his actions in the morning. 

“I know what I’m doing because I’ve done it before,” you say through the darkness. “When your whole life revolves around survival, you adapt to the best of your ability and do anything to stay alive. I’ve learned a few things from my time on the run so please know that I know what I’m doing.”

“Who are you?” 

The room is silent. 

“Someone you can trust.” 

[alwastakenofc]

ITS TIMEEEEE !….

i finally got my student loans figured out (aside from this stupid ass $55 late fee apparently put on my account after they already started the transfer of the remaining loans to my bank…???????? idfk, i’m stressed abt that LOL but at least it’s not Thousands in the hole like it was before, it’s just $55 i need to pay…. PLS GIMMIE MY LOAN REFUND SO I CAN PAY THAT RLY QUICK AND BE DONE WITH THIS ALL FOR THE SEMESTER, EDUCATION GODS!!!) and i’m all enrolled!! AND !!! i have a professor from a couple years ago that was SO understanding and helpful when i was failing outta his and another professor’s class (bc my mom’s cancer was rly kicking in and i was her full time caregiver and doing Everything around the house) and im taking his class again!! im rly surprised bc i was Definitely in bad financial standing in 2022 when i failed out, but for some reason i can still get my financial aid and they couldn’t find any record of me being in bad financial standing??? and im just like, OKAY COOL WHATEVER!! IM NOT QUESTIONING IT BC I NEED ALL THE FINANCIAL AID I CAN GET FOR THESE LAST 2 SEMESTERS!!

( ・∇・)

so !!! anyways, i saw some video abt some girly vaping for 7 years and getting some mf holes in her lungs and that scares me as someone with mf asthma already LOL so i rly do wanna/need to quit vaping, but idk i feel like i might stick to it for this semester LMAO then after this semester i’ll be Done and will Quit during my japanese language semester bc i wanna be FULLY FOCUSED.

i also wanna quit wax/dabs again, i went on a lil bender of smoking weed for like 2 1/2 weeks Straight and built my tolerance right back up so that’s annoying. i want to be Sober during my classes/the weekdays and save smoking for the weekends. i will say i am glad i have been keeping drinking to the weekends as well but mannnnn my roomie and i had a massive drinking and gaming sesh like a week and a half ago and im tryna not drink like that again LMAO, i drank a little a couple days ago for the weekend but def not as much as when we drank together a week and a half ago LOL.

aaaaaannnnnyways yea i’m stressed abt going back to college and ESPECIALLY for my japanese classes LOL i rly gotta like relearn EVERYTHING and hope for the best within…. 4 months? it shouldn’t be TOOOOOOO bad, it’s mainly just the semester of japanese that i fucked up in 2022 that i gotta rly practice. just the whole of the genki 2 book i rly should commit myself to learn tbh. yea that’s prolly a good goal LOL. get them *words and kanji specifically* memorized; listening and speaking is easier for me i guess, it’s lit just remembering how to write and what is what when writing that is hard!!! 😭😭😭 ugh!!!! if anyone has any reccs for apps or books to help practice 2nd year japanese for university pls lmk, i got some apps (screenshots below) and like i said, the genki books, that i use rn!!

alrighty well, next up LMAO. i can’t mf WAAAIT to graduate bc i mf WANT TO GET A NICE JOB AND MOVE OUT ON MY OWN WITH MY KITTIES SO MF BADDDDDD ‼️😥🙂‍↕️ like im so nervous thinking abt it but then i also get so excited !!! and imma try to find smth to transfer to in japan maybe after working in a govt position for a couple years; i would wanna see if i could choose to work in a specific prefecture with my experience as a TESOL teacher (esp if i keep doing my online TESOL job like MWF or smth? keep building the experience for that while also building experience in a professional setting??? oooohhhhhhhhh?!?!?!) or if i could even work with a japanese or american business that’s stationed in a big city in japan as a correspondent???? idk that could be fun LOL but i dont have Business experience…. unless its some educational business, that could be interesting!?!?!?!? idk the possibilities are endlessssssss ugh. esp if after a couple years i can maybe take my remaining 2-3 classes i needed for my japanese minor and get the certificate for that eventually …???? OR i just go back to college and get a separate bachelor’s by majoring in japanese only???? LOL idk maybe japanese business idk that would be fun!!!! ok i have a lot of things to think abt now that ive started considering LMAO.

good stuff, okay! i’m done heheh, have a good one all 😋 see ya when the semester starts bc i’ll be rly stressed out i’m sure 😅

PS don’t mind duo laying there in the background of the screenshots, i haven’t rly used duo in a hot minute so the green bird is angy at me 🤓

[roguestarsailor]

brain dumping [ignore pls]

going to tour studios today (2)

one looks very promising but hes gonna be mad i cant move until june 20

thinking about sending a message to my landlord about leaving (and also have to beg him to send a letter of recommendation to the promising looking studio) but is it too premature?

i followed two of the people i talk most in the design team and THEY DONT WANT TO FOLLOW ME BACK

well one of them specifically accept my follow request BUT DIDNT FOLLOW ME BACK

im so confused and rethinking about our interactions and im like ohh he doesnt like me like a friend he only likes me as a coworker

im feeling sad about this (and i see how many mutual followers who are also our coworkers he follows so!!!) i guess we gotta stay coworkers-- feeling like i read the room wrong & embarrassed!!!

the other one im less pressed about cuz hes technically oversees everything i do?? but he's not technically my manager and sometimes he doesnt act like a managing person and more like a fellow coworker but regardless im actually ok if he doesnt accept cuz i feel like we see each other TOOOOO much

nyc seems so much more fun and im actually excited to go

im so stressed about money like im making no good financial decisions and idk what to do

im looking for jobs just to see what i can do

i need to freelance?? i gotta figure this out; i cannot sustain myself with only one job

which ISNT IT FUCKED THAT I MAKE SIX FIGURES AND I CANT EVEN GET A FUCKEN IN UNIT???? ISNT THAT ABSOLUTELY FUCKED?????

also just the studios i can afford are old as shit and not in the best part of town or i can find slightly better but i'd have to live w roommates..but like those should be CHOICES but right now its like my only options

and it makes me really mad at this city because me, making six figs, can barely find spaces i can afford and i swear i'm not spending frivolously; just using the 30% rule on rent expenses so yeah no shit theres so much homelessness around here!! who the fuck can afford these places????

dont get me started on how everyone thinks homelessness is the problem and NOT a symptom of the issue and i want to fight everyone; like yall think these prices are ok?? yes yall can pay it but SHOULD we??? its not good for ANYONE!!

this roommate search is hella stalling and i think ive made peace w what i have to do (and spend :( )

it'd be only 4 months of aggressive savings to make back what i lost so i am grateful to have padding financially and have a steady job

i wish my roommate moved out in winter so theres more inventory and i could get cheaper rent kljsfdfslkdj

my fucken god what is this city

i should have gone to NYC; i think i might find belonging over there much better

im stress eating; fudge ice cream and two pringles cans this week

this habit is really carried over from college aksdjklasd and i cannot stop it!!!

i should have found a husband instead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this fucken place makes me wnat to die

looking for a new career makes me want to dieeeeee

[loeychateau]

,,

[maschotch]

i knew it would be you who came to the cabin to check on me.

you must be frightened. i apologize for that. i never meant to cause you pain. and i also never envisioned writing this letter.

i’ve searched for a satisfactory explanation for what i’m doing.  all i’ve come up with is: a profiler needs to have solid footing. i don’t think i have do anymore. the world confuses me. the cruelty, indifference, tragedy.

when my dear friend sarah was murdered, it tore a hole in me, and truly believed the best way to handle that pain was to get back to our work as quickly as possible. to get on to helping somebody else. i thought i could handle sarah’s murder. work through it.

remember the first case we had after? it was on a college campus. you see, i met sarah at college on a campus just like that one, 31 years ago. campuses are supposed to be places of life and excitement. they’re supposed to be about the future, figuring out who you are and who you’re gonna be. they’re supposed to be about dreams, not nightmares. about hope.

i really don’t understand the world anymore.

all homicide scenes are tragic, but when the victim is someone young, their life ripped away before they’ve even had a chance to live… it’s devastating. in this line of work i was afraid i would lose the ability to trust. but i’ve realized i can’t really look at anyone without seeing their death. and as bad as losing faith in humanity seems, losing your faith in happy endings is much worse.

how many victims have we seen? how many crime scenes? hundreds? a thousand? pictures of families, victims, both alive and dead. i was always able to stay objective, to stay at arm’s length.

but now… all i see is sarah in them.

nathan tubbs was easy. but there was a time in my career when i would have asked the question i should’ve asked: was he too easy? the biggest trap for a profiler to fall into is pride, forgetting that for all your skills, profiling is just a tool.

it was like you could physically feel the mood change on the campus. kids—they’re so resilient. they trust and believe in a way i remember but cant reach anymore. like a very old picture. you remember the circumstances with the feelings, the emotions. they’re just out of your grasp.

they believed in us. believed in me. the way sarah believed in me. and, as with sarah, i feel that i had led them right to the slaughter.

what was i even doing there? how many times have i told you that a profiler cannot do the job if the mind is unfocused? if anything is going on in your personal life that would cloud your judgement… my mind has never been more unfocused than it was on that campus

did i let a lion loose among babies? was my judgement clouded by a need to make someone pay for sarah’s death? two more dead. was it a price that needed to be paid? is death ever worth it?

was the world always this gray? is it only in the movies that it’s black and white? is that just an illusion? i used to know. i used to understand my place, my direction, where i was headed.

profiling requires belief—belief in the profile, belief in yourself. after sarah, i no longer trust myself at home. but after tubbs, i no longer trust myself in the field. and without that i have nothing.

and that was the last domino… the death of that girl. hotch being suspended over something that was my fault.

i said at the beginning of this letter that i knew it would be you to come up here. im so sorry the explanation couldn’t be better. and i am so sorry that it doesn’t make more sense.

but i’ve already told you, i just dont understand any of it anymore. im sorry. i guess i’m just looking for it again. for the belief i had back in college. the belief i had when i first met sarah and it all seemed so right.

the belief in happy endings

-jg

[lunatens]

frozen pizza & friday nights

-

requested by anon <3 thank you so much for your patience!!! i wish i could’ve gotten this to you sooner :( i actually probably shouldn’t have written this rn adflskdbfskj oops im procrastinating working on my assignments super badly anyways!!! i hope you enjoy :3 

prompt: “you look different,” “well yeah i mean it’s been what, five years since we last saw each other?”

word count: 0.8k

genre: slice of life au, fluff, y/n and hongjoong used to date but it ended on good terms lol

pairing: kim hongjoong x gn reader

ah, yes, friday. just one step away from freedom, you think to yourself as you head to your local grocery store. it’s been a long, long week, and you can’t wait to turn into a puddle of mush on your couch and probably fall asleep watching a movie. you grab a basket as you enter the store, avoiding eye contact with any employees or other customers; this is going to be a quick in and out trip--the faster you grab your frozen pizza and box of cookies, the faster you can be at home relaxing. 

outdated pop tunes echoing through the store’s tinny speakers are your soundtrack as you march through the aisles towards the freezer section, grabbing a couple of items on the way. you’d considered just ordering takeout, but you found yourself craving your favourite store-bought snacks and you needed a couple of groceries anyways, so you figured you’d just suffer through a quick trip out before relaxing for the night. you finally reach the wall of frozen pizzas, and you look for your favourite. luckily there’s one left just for you; you eagerly pull the glass door open and grab the cold cardboard box.

“ah, is that the last one?” a voice asks from behind you. you jump a little; you didn’t know there was anyone nearby.

“yeah, sorry, i-” you cut yourself off as you turn around, shocked to see the person standing in front of you. kim hongjoong looks back at you, seemingly as surprised to see you as you are to see him. 

“h..hongjoong?” you ask in disbelief, almost laughing at yourself as you close the freezer door. you haven’t spoken to your ex-boyfriend in years. the two of you dated for a couple of years in high school, but broke things off when he moved away for college. you ended things on good terms and kept up with each other for a little while, however as you each grew busy in your own lives you grew apart from each other. now, the only time you ever talk is when one of you wishes the other a quick “happy birthday” and only a “thanks!��� is given in response. 

“hey y/n,” he greets with a nervous smile. “long time no see.”

“yeah, no kidding--how-how are you?” you ask. you wince at your own awkwardness; hongjoong was once someone you could easily talk to and joke around with, but now you find yourself stumbling over your words and possibly making a fool of yourself. 

“i’m good, i actually just moved back here,” he replies, and your cheeks warm as he looks you over quickly. “you look different,” hongjoong comments. 

“well yeah i mean it’s been what, five years since we last saw each other?” you tease. you let out a nervous giggle, looking down at your old sandals you threw on as you rushed out the door. you’re starting to wish you hadn’t changed from your work clothes into sweats before coming here; and you’re sure the store’s ugly fluorescent lighting isn’t making you look any better. 

“i meant different in a good way, i-uh, you look really good,” he says, picking up on your doubts. you sigh in relief, almost laughing at how a faint shade of pink has blossomed on his cheeks and ears. 

“thanks; you’re not doing badly yourself,” you comment with a cheeky smile. hongjoong’s dressed in a similar fashion to you, yet he still looks as beautiful as ever. 

“so, big plans for tonight?” you ask, leaning on the cool glass beside you.

“well, i WAS gonna have a thrilling night with myself and that pizza right there, but somebody came along and took the last one, so my plans have been ruined i guess,” hongjoong says, flashing a bright smile as he opens the next door over.  “guess i’ll just have to settle for a different frozen pizza, what a sacrifice,” he jokes, and an idea pops into your head.

“i mean, i guess i could adjust my super busy schedule to share this pizza with you; it’d be a shame to enjoy it all by myself,” you suggest, heart fluttering a little at the idea of hanging out with hongjoong again after so long apart. in the time you spent away from each other, you’d dated a couple of other people, but nothing too serious; honestly, nobody made you feel the same as you did with hongjoong. 

“it’d be an honour,” hongjoong replies, closing the freezer door with maybe a bit too much enthusiasm. “i’d really love to catch up,” he says as the two of you make your way to checkout together. 

“only if you’re okay if we watch the new episode of jujutsu kaisen first,” you say, and hongjoong laughs at your comment (wow you really missed his laugh). 

“anything for you,” he replies, and you don’t think you’ve ever been so excited for a frozen pizza.

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

He did? Umm.. what happened exactly?

(referring to this post)

my 11th grade chemistry teacher had an associates degree in liberal arts.

you know how in virtually every class you’ve ever had since middle school, your teachers made a big stink about the syllabus? she didn’t have one. this was her first teaching job, which she got because of her length experience as a substitute, not by her licensing qualifications. we were, at first, excited to have her, because she was a “fun sub” and we were 17 years old and stupid as all shit. we were the “normal chem” class in a system where the only other options were “honors chem” which was filled with children who actually know how to study (or cheat) and have an air of proper student activity, and “AP Chem”, which is clear enough if you’ve been an american student in the last 15 years.

she followed the mcgraw hill chemistry book in order of chapters, despite the fact that our state standardized tests did several of the chapters out of order. ever notice how you’ll suddenly be looking at chapter 11 when just last week you were on chapter 5, then the next week you’re on chapter 8? standardized testing is the reason. anyways by asking my friends in other classes who had chemistry teachers of relative competence, i was able to discern which chapters i should focus on, and while she was distracted with literally watching youtube videos all period, I was turning around in my seat and walking across the classroom helping my friends and enemies with the packets. (she was a two-packets-a-week kinda teacher.)

yes i said enemies too. the people i hated, i hated because they were sons of bitches i wouldnt piss on to put out a fire. i hated them so dearly i used to pray to god that they would bump into me so i could throw myself into the concrete and split my forehead open and get them expelled due to the blood-clause of our “zero-tolerance policy”. two of the kids in my class had, only the previous year, attempted to set my hair on fire.

i hated the teacher more. 

it gave me extreme pleasure to see her fume and clench her fists when a student would say “i need help” across the classroom and she would move to get up and they would say “oh not you miss, im waiting for vicky.” jesus christ the only time ive ever felt a comparable high was when i was at a halloween party in college where i was literally so zooted i couldn’t move.

it got worse over time, her getting more and more angry, my ego growing larger and larger. i was a huge bitch in high school, i really thought i was the smartest bitch in the room at any given moment. severe main character syndrome. imagine that kind of person actually being right for 45 minutes out of every day. can you even comprehend the kind of frustration that would create? in a room full of little sociopaths who dont give a shit about anything but getting this joke of a class over with so they can graduate? your first real teaching job and they look right past you, the teacher, to this annoying little shit whose grades are completely abysmal? how are they managing to learn anything from a child who can barely speak in front of more than 10 people? who turns cherry red in the face of literally every authority figure in the building except you? who can’t concentrate and stay still in one spot for more than five minutes? all of your other classes behave! they listen! they sit down and shut up and do the packets! so what fucking gives!!!

so you say “fine, since you all HATE ME so much i just won’t teach then!!!” on literally week fucking ten of teaching. and instead of prostrating themselves before you, begging you to like... point at transparencies and read directly from powerpoints i guess.

and they all collectively say “okay” and let the chipmunk child flutter between desks and help them memorize formulas and mnemonic devices and shit. surely her grades will suffer if she’s constantly dealing with other people and you’ll have justification that her horseshit is “distracting” and “a detriment to her studies”. she got bored gave up on that after two days after nothing changed.

then we did the midterm.

except at the end of the exam packet was something we never learned because again, she was going through the book chronologically. because i actually enjoyed the chem book (so much that i stole it when the year was up lmao), i knew the material.

it was about lewis dots/structures. i couldn’t tell you a damn thing about it today but in december 2010 i absolutely knew that shit. i didnt have too much of a problem with it in the exam, but the students who had gotten to that point were complaining and at first she pulled that “you should have been studying independently uwu” shit but the class was about to get loud during exam period so she shushed us and said that when we get to that point, just stop, and she’ll mark it correct during grading, no harm no foul just keep it quiet. one of the more confrontational students called horseshit and said theres no way we’re trusting that and there’s definitely no way anyone will keep an entire classroom cheating at the instruction of the teacher quiet.

i offered to teach it.

she scoffed, rolled eyes, said “sure fine but you can’t get your exam back” and i said “okay.” so when everyone was to the point in the exam, we piled them all on her desk and i used the whiteboard to briefly and quietly explain lewis dots, used the book examples and problems, and helped the other kids understand. there were a couple exam questions that were lifted straight from the book problems so i skipped those. while teaching i realized i had gotten a couple wrong which sucked :( it was an incredibly stupid experience overall, and no teacher worth the paper their certification is printed on would have allowed that to happen. and fucking yet.

anyways everyone but me got their exams back and finished it and many of us passed, only a few of them did particularly well.

discussing the chem exam with friends who also took the chem exam, many students found their anecdote about the lewis dots to be confounding, for you see, the exam we took was not, in fact, the midterm, but the god damned final.

she had us taking the fucking final because she didnt read the fucking folders which read “midterm” and “final exam” on them

she was reprimanded severely and we all had to take the exam on different days, in different classrooms, sitting very far apart. after that she hated me even more. like girl it was your fault lmao i am literally a teenager grow up lol. anyways you can imagine how much more fucking insufferable i became, knowing how miserable she was.

it all came to a head in february when some students were giggling quietly following a minor fuck up on her part regarding bellwork. they were making fun of her like “are you sure thats not tomorrows bellwork lol” and a friend next to me did the “hey i need help wait no miss not you sorry” thing and when i answered him, she solidly snapped. blah blah YOURE SOOOO DISTRACTING blah blah YOU THINK YOURE SOOOO SMART DONT YOU blah blah blah and she was like demanding i leave the room and shouting at the top of her lungs at me “ YOU POISON THE MINDS OF EVERY OTHER STUDENT HERE. YOU’RE POISONOUS VICTORIA, YOU’RE A VIRUS IN THIS CLASSROOM.”

i will never forget that line as long as i live. it was like crack to me. i moved to open the door to leave and the vp opened it first. he escorted me to the office and asked me what happened, then told me to keep my head down in class from now on, and that if i wanted to help my friends i should give them my number and help them out on our own time. i was like “bro thats really stupid” and he was like “thats all we can do right now but i promise we’re working on it”

i lasted the rest of the year giving smug smiles as we did packet after fucking packet for the rest of the year. they were all take-home work. i wasnt comfy giving my number to my enemies. the class camaraderie ended.

the final was altered. my class took a different final than the rest of the normal chem classes.

i started 12th grade and got a solid case of senioritis. i told that story to anyone who would listen. while it was happening, i obviously told my favorite teacher everything as it happened. when i mentioned it senior year he was like “oh yeah i forgot about her,

she was fired over the summer.”

[shhh-no-ones-home]

model citizen ricky horror x reader

+++++++++

college au

prompt: Character A sitting in a college 7am lecture and Character B sitting next to them pouring an energy drink into their coffee and says, "I'm going to die." (First interaction)

Song: pretty little distance by as it is

tag list: @musicsexandpizza69 @svintsandghosts @theoneandonlykymberlee @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @thisplace-ishaunted @lifeisabitchandsoareyou @xyours-eternallyx

+++++++++

i walked into the room and huffed as i took my seat, reaching into my bag for my notebook and a pen. i hated having a 9am again and missed being able to sleep-in like i did last semester. this was the first day though and i was hopeful my mind would change about it as the course went on. it probably wouldnt though. i sat there, catching a few more students walk in as i looked down at my phone.

nothing was too exciting yet and the teacher hadnt even shown up. i was more-so ready for the new art class though. it was my major after all and i was pretty well known by the professors at this point. as i sat there, a loud clatter grabbed my attention, making me look to my right. there was sat a shorter, skinny kid, with long inky black hair tucked under a beanie. my eyes went wide as he cracked the monster in his hand open, pouring it into his half=full trenta cup from Starbucks. he looked over at me and smiled.

"im going to die."

he said in the most sure-fire tone before putting the lid back on the cup and chugging it. i sat there in horror staring at him.

"are you okay?"

i asked and he shrugged, looking at me over the top of the cup. he had the bluest eyes i had ever seen, even in the low light of the art room. i was a little start struck for a second before shaking myself out of my daze, watching him put the cup down against the desk with a thud.

"if i pass out during class just push me out of the way and ill figure something out later."

he said, turning forward. i went to say something just as the teacher walked in.

"y/n! good to see you back. we missed you last semester."

professor crane said, looking to the student teacher as he ducked behind him and paced quickly to the front desk. his gaze followed him too before he shrugged and turned back to me with a smile.

"whatever, im sure he missed you too. but either way its good to have you back in class and i look forward to seeing what you come up with for the showcase in march."

i nodded with a smile before he walked away to the front of the class, instructing everyone to take their seats.

"you come here often?"

i heard from the kid next to me, hearing him laugh to himself as he took another drink of his coffee/monster concoction.

"yes, actually. im an art major."

i said a little dumbfounded. he nodded.

"cool, im here for film."

i drew my brows.

"youre doing film?"

i asked and he winked at me, looking to Brian as he turned the projector on. i opened my mouth before closing it quickly, feeling a little more confused than before.

"alright, first things first. i only make a syllabus because administration says i have to. the schedule is shit and we will most likely be doing something completely different so i suggest you keep a planner or something to keep track of your assignments. secondly, i will get to it later but i want you to start thinking about your projects for the spring showcase in march. we have a few short months so after you learn the basics of form you will be instructed to sketch something in your own style and present it to the board."

my mind went in and out after that, trying to catch quick glances at the kid next to me without being suspicious. every time he moved i could feel my heart pulse, giving me anxiety that he could actually pass out or something.

"y/n, your partner for this project will be mr olson."

brian said, standing over me and looking between the two of us. i nodded with wide eyes as he moved to the two kids behind us.

"guess that means we have pretty high chances at getting an A."

he said, raising his cup in cheers. i looked down at the assignment sheet, grazing over it and groaning. we had to come up with a comic strip in different style parts; the first panel a base sketch, the second panel a hard sketch, the third panel color blocking, and so on. god this was gonna be a nightmare.

"you dont seem too enthused."

the kid said amused. i sent him a testing look.

"im not, ive done something similar before and you have to get every step just right or they take points off. and we have to prove what parts we did."

i said, rolling my eyes. i looked over to him, blinking as a camera flash went off. i drew my brows as he looked down at the screen on it.

"where did you even get that?"

i asked, trying to inspect him. he sent me a smile.

"i always keep it on me. im ricky by the way, and you look great."

he said amused and i breathed deeply.

"y/n."

i said, looking back to the paper.

"well y/n i think this is going to be a great partnership-"

"alright!"

brian called, cutting him off.

"you have your assignments. i have nothing else for you today so you are welcome to either stay here and work until class time is over or you can leave and work on it on your own time. i dont really care either way, just get it done."

i hummed to myself before stuffing my notebook and the assignment sheet into my bag and standing up. i caught a glimpse of ricky starting at me with wide eyes as i turned to leave.

"what are you doing?"

he asked and i looked between him and the door, pointing at it.

"leaving, its not due for another week."

i started off, hearing him shuffle around before chasing after me.

"hey wait! cant we like plan what we're doing or something?"

he asked and i shrugged, looking over to him as he tried to put his paper in his backpack and hold the camera and cup of coffee. i stopped, staring at him as he struggled. i rolled my eyes, taking the cup and the camera from him. he looked to me in shock and i raised my brows.

"get to it, i dont have all day."

i said and he finished what he was doing, zipping his bag up and slinging it over it shoulder. i handed him the cup and camera back and kept walking.

"so uh, what kind of thing did you have in mind for this project?"

he asked and i looked to the sky, squinting but trying to think as we made it outside.

"i dont know, maybe a ball of some kind?"

he raised a brow, shuffling his feet as he tried to keep up with my long strides.

"like masks and large dresses?"

he asked and i nodded, opening the door to dinging hall.

"something like that yeah."

he nodded as i led us to a table.

"that sounds cool, i could get behind that."

i sent him a knowing look.

"you seem like the kind of guy who would."

i said, pulling my sketchpad out. he raised a brow, sitting beside me.

"whats that supposed to mean?"

he asked and i sent him  a look.

"im assuming you like vampires, and the Edwardian thing usually goes hand in hand with that."

he sent me a nervous smile.

"is it that obvious?"

he asked, rubbing his hands against his pants. i nodded.

"thats okay though, cause i like them too. so much so that i have costumes already, we can pose for each other. i think youd look great in this."

i said, sliding my phone across the table to show him the outfit i had for it. i just hoped it would fit him.

"you seem like youve been planning this for a while."

he said through a laugh and i shrugged.

"i just like to feel fancy, the projects on the other hand kind of fall into my lap."

i said, flipping through a few pages in my book. he placed his hand on one before taking it from me and looking over it.

"this looks insane."

he said and i looked around awkwardly.

"in a good way?"

i asked, finding his gaze.

"oh! yeah! of course in a good way. it looks super cool. i see why you wanted to do the ball thing now."

he commented, noting the sketch i had done already that was similar. it is what i was used to after all. he set the book back down in front of me and sent me a wide smile, picking his camera up and taking another picture of me.

"why do you do that?"

i asked and he laughed.

"i need models for my art and i think now that we've met you would be a great subject."

i set him a look, trying to hide the blush creeping its way up my neck.

"you really think so?"

i asked bashfully and he nodded.

"oh yeah, absolutely. and now that we're partners i think it will give me ample opportunity to find a new muse. you wanna be a subject for a music video?"

i sat back, a little taken aback.

"you want me to do what?"

i asked and he laughed, putting the camera on the table.

"in about a month my band is gonna need some girls for a video but its cool if not. i can live with us just being art project partners."

i cleared my throat, rubbing my hands together under the table.

"how about we get through this first and ill get back to you on that?"

he smiled knowingly at me, raising his coffee to me in cheers.

"sounds like a plan to me."

[wienerbarnes]

Stressor

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Cheek to Cheek)

Word Count: 2,622

Warnings: murder lol, mentions of gore/blood, mentions of rape (its described in like two sentences and theres a short non-graphic flashback, but pls pls pls message me if you dont wanna read and ill give u a sparknotes version), so theres angst but also some nice parts like bucky meditating okay

A/N: wrote this while procrastinating my art commissions but i bought my first laptop BY MYSELF after saving for months and im v excited :) lmk what yall think of this, i promise next part will be goofier/happier lol

MAIN MASTERLIST | CHEEK TO CHEEK MASTERLIST

“Shit… Fuck… Fuck! He’s gonna fucking kill me… fuck…”

The mumbles spill from your lips as you take in the scene in front of you. Puddles and puddles of blood covered the floor of your apartment, dirtying your beige tile and all the other surfaces with splatters. David lays in the middle, with about thirty-six stab wounds in his body.

When you and Bucky started the arrangement regarding your list, there were two rules you two agreed to follow - no matter what. First rule: Kills are never completed alone. You two are to complete the list together and help each other with everything that involves the person. Second rule: Bucky is to know everything about the person they’re killing. What they did to you, their name, their remaining family, where they live, what they eat for breakfast; everything. 

And here you were breaking both of those rules.

It was too good of an opportunity, you try and convince yourself. Bucky will understand, he’s always so understanding, he never yells, he’s always so nice to you; a choked sob escaped your body as your dirty hands fly to cover your face, tears flowing down your cheeks mixing with the blood now smeared across your skin.

…

TWO HOURS EARLIER

Bucky always told you to be extremely cautious when leaving the apartment. Even though it had been well over a year, almost two, since your prison escape, you never knew who could be watching. Every few weeks or so, your name pops up in the news, Whatever happened to one of the worst killers in modern history, How did she pull off such an escape from such a high security facility, Is she even still alive, etc.

But as soon as your name appears, it vanishes once more, replaced by some other injustice happening in the world.

Your feet take you inside a small bar, the musky scent intrigues you along with the copious amounts of peanut shells littering the floor. You take a seat on the stool and try not to pay attention to the fact that every single person in the room is staring at you right now. But you can’t blame them; you’ve dyed your hair a pastel pink now, body covered in baggy jeans and baby blue long-sleeved milkmaid top, a gift from Bucky. “You can’t wear that one t-shirt, that’s mine, by the way, forever.” He’d told you. Your rainbow painted toes and fingernails stand out under the dimmed lights of the place.

An older man behind the bar approaches you and places a napkin in front of you, “What can I get ya’?” You order some beer plastered on the wall because as far as you know, you’ve never even tried alcohol before, let alone know enough about it to have any kind of preference.

You take sips of the beer for a while, aimlessly watching the sports game playing on the TV, every once in a while glancing at the pool table where a group of older men play a game together. Suddenly, the stool beside you becomes occupied. You know it’s not Bucky, he doesn’t know you’re here and it’s not his cologne, but for a second you were hoping it was. A parallel to when you sat with him in that cafe all that time ago. When he bought you that apple pie and hot chocolate. I miss him…

You refuse to look over at the man sitting next to you, but you can feel his eyes blatantly staring at you. 

“So… what’s your name?” He breaks the silence and asks you. You don’t respond, simply just continue sipping away at your beer.

“My name is David.” He offers. A chill runs up your spine at the name and you look over at him. He looks so familiar… Where do I know him from? Have I seen him at the food market before? Is he Hydra? Did we go to school together? Were we in the Marines-

“Hey officer,” A deep voice curls into your ear, causing a chill to run up your spine.

“Fuck off, David. I’m trying to do my hair.” You don’t bother glancing at him in the mirror as you scoop more gel into your hands and smooth it onto the top of your head. You’ve let your hair grow to long and the strands keep sticking out of the bun, but the thought of asking any of the other women, or worse - the men, for help cutting it terrifies you. You’re still too new.

“Now, is that any way to talk to your higher up?” A large hand wraps around your middle and gropes your breast.

“I said fuck off.” A pointy elbow slams back into his chest, knocking the wind out of him.

“I’ll get you for that, just you wait. Fresh meat.”

Your body runs cold as you make the connection and you feel as though your entire body has shut down. You can feel the cold sweat gathering in your palms and your lower back. A lump forms in your throat and you want to cry; you want to scream. But something takes over, and although you feel terrified, you keep yourself composed; hide your anxiety.

“Do you want to get out of here? My place is only a few blocks away.” You ask, false sultriness dripping from your voice. David smirks at you, clearly not recognizing you from nearly a decade ago. 

He takes out some cash and places it on the bar, grabbing your beer from your hands and placing it on top, grabbing your hands after and leading you out of the bar.

…

Bucky sits on the floor of his living room, practicing his twenty minutes of meditation before bed. Alpine rubs her cheek against the bare top of his foot that’s crossed under his knee, but eventually gets bored before trotting around behind him to start climbing her way up his back. Bucky tries his best to ignore her tiny nails digging through his shirt, but can’t help but chuckle as she makes herself comfortable in the curve of his neck. “Guess meditation time is over, huh baby?” He whispers before gathering her in his hands and plopping her on his bed. He reaches down to roll up his yoga mat when he hears a silent buzzing from his kitchen.

Confused on who would be calling him this late, knowing that Sharon’s visiting a college friend over in SoHo and Sam’s on a date, he sees a number he doesn’t recognize flash on the screen. Bucky hesitates answering, but he knows telemarketers rarely call this late.

“Hello?” Bucky answers.

“B-Bucky?” Your shaky voice sounds on the other end. The sound is watery and raspy, like you've been sobbing your eyes out and screaming for hours.

“Bucky, I-I-I need y-your help… I fucked up,” Your voice is cut off by a hiccup as Bucky goes to grab his closest pair of pants to go over his boxers and he pulls on sneakers before grabbing the keys to his bike.

“Hey, sweetheart? Do me a favor and relax, okay? Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Bucky rushes out as he locks his door behind him before making his way to the staircase.

“I’m so so so sorry, Bucky… please don’t be mad at me-e… I broke t-the rules,” Choked sobs escape you and Bucky has never heard you cry like that before.

“Listen, I’m already on my way, okay? I’ll be at yours in twenty minutes, okay?” You don’t respond as Bucky listens to your crying and you eventually hang up.

Broke the rules? What does she mean by… oh. She couldn’t have… we had our next hit planned for a few days from now. Did she do someone else on the list? Bucky tries not to think too much about it until he can get to yours and figure out what’s going on, his motorcycle screaming through the quiet night.

…

You’ve been sitting in David’s blood for about an hour now. The liquid is cold, his body is cold, the phone in your hand is cold. Nice going, you’ve really done it now. Not only have you probably just cost yourself your freedom, but you’ve ruined your jeans and the top Bucky bought you. He’s going to be so mad at you; he’s going to be so mad that he’s going to have no choice but to bring you in. He’ll be laughing as the cops drag you away-

Your thoughts are interrupted by a frantic knock on your door, Bucky’s voice calling your name on the other side.

“If you don’t open the door, I’m breaking it down!” He calls. 

You slowly stand, trying not to slip in the puddle, before walking over to the door and opening it about halfway. Bucky’s eyes widen and his brows furrowed together as he looks your body up and down.

The blood on your clothes is starting to brown and you’re covered up to your forearms in blood. Splatters decorate your face, neck and hair, and your eyes are puffy from crying.

“I-I-” You begin to stutter. Bucky silently pushes his way inside to see the bloodbath waiting for him. He pushes the door closed behind him and stares at the body laying in the middle of the floor. Your knife still sits standing out of his face.

“Who the fuck is that?”

“Bu-Bucky- I can,”

“What, you-you can explain?!” Bucky snaps, turning to face you, and you’ve never seen him look at you like this. You flinch and take a half-step backwards, bumping into the door behind you.

Bucky turns back around, a flesh and silver hand running through his hair and roughly over his face.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” He begins, voice eerily even, still staring at the body. “You're going to go shower and wash all of the blood off your body. Then you’re going to make sure this apartment is spotless. I’ll take care of… him. And then we’ll talk when I get back. Are we understood?”

You can’t seem to make any words come out so you quickly make your way to your bathroom and close the door behind you softly.

You shower until the water runs cold and your skin is tinted red. Either from the blood or how hard you were scrubbing, you’re not sure, you just didn’t want Bucky to still be in your apartment when you stepped out.

It’s not that you were scared of him, because you weren’t. You knew that Bucky would never intentionally harm you, both physically or mentally. You were more angry at yourself. Bucky's done nothing but protect you; he’s kept you a secret, helped you indirectly work through your trauma, stitched you up, made you smile and laugh when you didn’t even think that was ever going to be possible for you anymore. You broke the only rules he asked of you. You disappointed him. You’ve put him in an even worse position than he’s already in by protecting your existence.

You turn the knob of the water to the right before stepping out and wrapping your fluffy yellow robe around your body, tying it at the waist. Your apartment is empty when you step out of the bathroom, Bucky nor David occupying the space. Your walk over to your sink and open the cabinet on the bottom to take out your cleaning supplies before getting to work.

…

Bucky’s calmed down significantly by the time he gets back to your apartment. He checks his phone to see that it’s almost five in the morning before reaching in his other pocket for your keys that he took off the table, slipping the key into the lock and jiggling it until pushing the door open. 

He’s not mad at you. Perhaps he was for a bit, but he realized that anger was just fear. Had anyone seen you? Did this guy do something to you? Did he recognize you and that’s why you needed to kill him? Did you kill him because you actually wanted to experience that again? He really hoped it wasn’t the last one.

You're sitting on your bed in the corner of the apartment, splatters still visible on the sheets but the floors are clean. The room doesn’t have an overpowering smell of bleach or cleaner, but there is no trace of a body here, besides the small splatters, but those can be passed off as splashes of wine. You did good.

Your feet are stretched out in front of your as your hands are planted behind your back, propping you up. Your yellow robe is tied around your waist but the edges sit high up on your thighs.

He sets your keys on your table, kicks off his shoes, and walks over to take a seat next to you.

“Did you know I was a Marine before all of this? When I was, like, eighteen?” You break the silence, still staring at the wall in front of you.

“Yes.” 

“The guy was my unit chief. He raped me twice during my first week there.” 

Bucky remains quiet as you explain, watching your face and it’s calm expression. You hesitate, opening and closing your mouth before opening it once more to continue.

“I went to some bar tonight and he hit on me. He didn’t recognize me, and… I don’t know. I thought I’d scare him or something, remind him what he’d done. But then he was here and he kept trying to feel me up even though I’d push him away. I didn’t have a plan yet. And then he snapped at me and then I snapped back…” You trailed off. 

“After I realized what happened, I panicked and I used his phone to call you.”

“I’m really sorry, Bucky.” You say, softer now. You bring your legs up to your chest, wrapping your arms around your shins.

“Okay. I forgive you.” Bucky responds after a moment.

The two of you sit in silence next to each other on the thin sheets. You’re staring at the passing cars out the window. He’s staring at your plant that’s sitting on the small night stand next to your mattress. You’ve changed out the silver tin it was sitting in to a light blue one covered in green polka dots. 

You tilt your head to meet his eyes and look away briefly before meeting them again.

“Can… Can I have a hug, Bucky?” You ask, with the smallest voice in the world, your sentence ending in a small crack.

Bucky doesn’t answer and instead scoots closer to you, wrapping his arms around your body and pulling you onto his lap, your thighs on either side of him, chests touching. His left arm wraps around your back and drags slowly up and down while his right hand rests on the back of your head, softly scratching through your still damp hair. Your hands are tucked close between both your chests and your breath fans softly against his neck where your head is tucked into. He silently breathes in your scent, the children’s strawberry soap you use mixed with a homey, warm small that’s just you. He watches out the window as the sky turns from a dark blue to a deep orange; it should be about five-thirty right about now and the morning traffic is about to start.

“There’s a ton of white cat hair on your shoulder, Buck.” He hears you whisper against him, voice slurring a bit with drowsiness, the last bits of adrenaline wearing off.

He smiles to himself and holds you until you're fast asleep, and then stays for a while after that, too.

[februaryberries]

Study (?) tips that you don’t see on every study post

Hi gamers, I just finished my first year at college/university!!

This year was really a struggle for me because I was trying to get the help I needed for my mental health, and I did not succeed until literally the week before finals spring term. I just got diagnosed w ADHD and put on meds (thank god) and I’m excited for the next year to come.

Though this year was absolutely grueling I did discover some little tips that can really help ! This is coming from my experience w ADHD but it could relate to other neurodiverse learners as well ! Even if you are neurotypical some of these might help !! 

This post got really long so I’m gonna put it under the cut but, main Idea is bolded w a more in depth explanation underneath ( for those like me who see a block of text and go running)

In no particular order:

If you can/are up for it take a class before noon even if you are not a morning person. I am NOT saying take an 8am when u regularly go to bed at 4am! Bc that is dumb bb pls get some sleep. In my experience once I go to class my brain is like “oh things are happening now, it is actually a day and not just existing in a timeless hellscape.”

Once I am out of bed/out of my room I am at least mildly more productive for the rest of the day. Going to a class before noon means you are up and doing things for the day and early enough that you still have light. This ties into the next one

Start while it’s still light out!! At least for me I gain so much happiness from natural light/sunlight, and it is very hard for me to do things let alone START things once it’s dark out because my brain is like nope the day is over now. Plus in the fall/winter days days are getting shorter and shorter so it’s important to make use of as much daylight as you can. I feel like a plant w how much I rely on light to survive but it really does help! 

Put on ‘Real People’ clothes. This is something that really helps me, even if it’s just like, jeans and a turtleneck, maybe tucked in w a belt. I’ve found that when I put on academic-y clothes or like Adult clothes it helps me switch my brain into school mode. It’s kinda like putting on a uniform for work? If I’m in too loose of clothes or like pyjamas for example, I’m much less likely to be able to switch my brain into productive mode. For me especially its when i’m wearing tighter clothing rather than baggy ones? Like i said a turtleneck which like the sleeves are fitted to my arms, and jeans or pants that are fitted to my legs. I think it helps because it makes me more aware of my body in the space? Idk.  figure out what real people clothes feel like to you, and then have a couple of go to outfits you can slip on when you’ve been in a hoodie and sweatpants all day and really need to get some work done. 

On that note, put on shoes. For me along w the tight clothing, I do better in shoes, specifically ones that lace up and can be tight. Like hightop converse, or boots, or even dress shoes w laces. I think in a way my body needs to be contained so I can focus on something? I’m not sure why I feel like that but i’ve learned to work w it. Putting on shoes for me helps because

1. I’m not distracted by what I’m putting my bare feet on (i cannot stand wearing socks unless im wearing shoes so yes bare feet)

2. I’m not getting distracted by my floor n the fact that hey maybe i should sweep bc there are some crumbs sticking to my feet now.

And 3. You put on shoes when you are going to go outside and go somewhere. It’s like putting pyjamas on to go to bed, you’re brain associates those items with doing something, so putting on shoes can signal to your brain hey we are doing something now, and that something is work.

Talk to your teachers !! I understand sometimes you have a teacher from hell and honestly idk what to tell you at that point but in  a lot of cases teachers can be very understanding !! The amount of support I’ve gotten from my teachers this year is absolutely insane and 100% the only thing that made it so I didn’t get kicked out of college. Like reaching out to your teachers shows that you care! if you have to take a mental health day sometimes let them know !! i would always let my teacher know that I really wanted to be in class but I just couldn’t handle it that day. They also can help connect you to resources you didn’t know about ! 

Look into what resources your school has !! I was talking about how next year is gonna go now that I’ve been diagnosed and such with my friend, and how I was gonna contact the DRC (disability resource center) and she didn’t know you could get support for having ADHD!! Like I know you can get extensions on due dates, attendance forgiveness, and even potentially note taking assistance when you have ADHD and talk to them. even if you are medicated it doesn’t 100% solve everything and there are still ways to get support! Whether its study groups, writing centers/support, tutoring, or even contacting your drc or whatever your school has, it can really help!! I’m definitely going to take advantage of these resources if I can next year ! 

Find a place outside you can go to clear your head (or have a mental breakdown) 

I can’t even begin to count the amount of times i’ve been freaking out over something or stressed out of my mind and my room started to feel to stuffy and claustrophobic and i just needed to get OUT. try to make sure it’s somewhere safe and close that you can go to even at night. (maybe try to shoot a text to your best friend that you’re out and if you don’t let them know you’re home by a certain time to start raising alarm, your safety is the most important) I tend to like to be up high because i’m further away from people, and the streets and I’m closer to the sky.

My go to thinking/breakdown spot is the roof of the parking garage a block away. It has stairs that are easy access and the top levels are usually empty even during the day. It really helps me to just go out and listen to music and collect my thoughts sometimes. My head can start going a million directions at lightspeed and I need to stop and be present, and being outside helps. It’s a good way to regroup.

Spend 10 minutes picking up your desk/work space. I tend to let my room get cluttered and messy and out of control a lot, to the point where I know it’s going to take at least a couple hours to get it clean again. It is also hard to focus when you’re in a messy environment. I would stress myself out and be like “well i HAVE to clean my whole room because I can’t focus if my space isnt clean I cant start until I clean” and then I would put all of my productive energy into cleaning, and get maybe halfway done before burning out and going to bed.

You’re never going to get any work done if you keep in this mindset. So instead just spend 10 minutes picking up the garbage off your desk, put the dishes in the kitchen, and put things back in their place. Then you will have enough space to work on your assignment and that space will be free of clutter so it won’t be as stressful. 

DRINK WATER DRINK WATER DRINK WATER

Have a water bottle in front of you when you’re studying/in class. I get fidgety a lot when i’m in class/studying (thank u adhd) and so having a water bottle is a way for me to fidget I guess? Depending on the water bottle, you have little steps you have to do to drink that help u fidget,

for example: pick it up, take off the lid, drink, put the lid back on, set it down.

Or pick up, push button that opens drink hole (?), set back down.

When I have a water bottle on my desk it satisfies my need to do something with my body and comes with the bonus of staying hydrated, without me having to lose focus doing something else. Also you won’t get distracted by a sore throat or the realization that you are really thirsty.

Pay attention to why you’re not paying attention. Not everything that works for me is going to work for you, so you have to figure out what works for you. I started to notice that I would be uncomfortable or feel funny working when I was in baggy clothes and that helped me figure out I needed to wear real people clothes. If you find yourself getting distracted, take note of what is distracting you. maybe try literally making a list of things that distract you, so then you can identify patterns and how to combat them !

That’s all I have for now, I hope some of these could maybe help? All of these have helped me actually complete an assignment occasionally, and somehow keep my ass in college. I just want to say that my experience is my own and things that work for me aren’t going to work on every one. college can be really tough, especially your first year when you’re trying to figure everything out. I may not have all the answers but feel free to shoot me a message!! i’m here for you if you want to ramble about an assignment you’re fed up with or a teacher you hate or anything thats bothering you !! Everyone’s college (and life) experience is different so don’t feel bad if yours doesn’t look the same as the people around you ! Remember to take care of yourselves !!!

Have a good day :)

[the-weeping-author]

Trick or Treat Brandon.

A/N: I love Halloween so here’s a Halloween fic it is scary. I hope Im pretty happy with this fic and I hope you all are to, I hope it’s puts you in the scary Halloween spirit.

This fic is for @moonlit-imagines writing challenge

Tag list: @ahoy-stevieboy @thehair-ington @linkispink1995 @harringtown @violet-dahlia @gardeniasandwhiskey @lxvesickreality @bluebellbrooke @thenameishayley248 @pappydaddy @simplesammyx @didyouputyournameinthegob @lenassaviorsblog @wolphielautz

Wanrings: 18+, Gore, Blood, cussing, Graphic. So font read it easily scared, squeamish. Might get you paranoid idk 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Wordcount: 4,971

Please enjoy 😊

Steve was sitting on his couch, like usual his parents weren’t home. When Steve saw me he started to clam up, it immediately made my suspicions shoot sky high. He either was up to something or he did something he did without asking me. I guess I was about to find out which one it was.

“Hey Steve how was your day babe?”

Steve looked at me, smiled slightly, shrugging his shoulders at me.

“It was okay I just missed you at school today.”

I smiled, I walked over to him.

“Awe baby it’s okay I just had a doctors appointment, but I’ll be there tomorrow.”

I smiled at him, I plopped on the couch beside him. I leaned on his shoulder, he kissed my forehead letting out a sigh.

“So Babe I might as well tell you I told some of our friends we’d go to a party they are throwing on Halloween.”

I lifted my head up off of him, I let out a groan.

“Steve, why would you do that? You know how I feel about your friends. Are Nancy and Johnathan gonna go?”

He looked down at me, shrugged his shoulders. He ran his fingers through his hair, stood up from the couch, walked over to the phone then punched in the numbers.

“Hey Johnathan Y/N was wondering if y’all were going to the party tonight?”

“Oh okay well I’ll tell her. Yeah alright I’ll see you around bye.”

Steve hung the phone up, he turned to look at me.

“Sorry babe they can't, they already had plans.”

“It’s okay I’ll guess I’ll just go for you babe.”

He kissed my lips, then walked to the kitchen. I stood up, walked into the kitchen kissing his lips.

“You owe me Harrington.”

It was finally Halloween, Steve and I had woken up early enough to go get last minute pieces for our costumes. We had a party to go to tonight. It was at an abandoned farm, a couple of our friends were going, so we’re we. Now it was out of town, but Steve and I didn’t mind. Plus it was a weekend so neither one of us was worried about school, or homework. Steve and I were surprising each other with what we were going to be. I was going as Madonna, all I knew told me he was going to look hot. Which I already knew, I mean not that he needed to try to look hot. He was already hot well at least to me, every other girl at Hawkins.

So you can imagine the disappointment the girls had when they found out we were dating. Steve was currently in our bathroom changing, I was in the hallway bathroom changing. I heard footsteps go past the bathroom, stopping right in front of the door then I heard Steve's voice.

“Hey babe I’ll be in the living room when you get ready.”

“Okay Steve I’ll see you in a few.”

I finished my hair, I pulled on my skirt some. I then unlocked the bathroom door, I stepped out into the hallway. I walked into the living room, I saw Steve my eyes widen as the sleeves of his shirt hugged his arms, god it made me wanna hop his bones. I had more self control than that though, but Steve on the other hand his mouth was gaped open. His eyes were looking all around my body, he smiled at me and walked over to me.

“Y/N you look hot.”

My cheeks heated up, Steve kissed my cheek. Steve and I walked out the front door, he locked up, and we were off to the car. Something felt off, but I just shrugged it off. I mean a lot of bad things happened in Hawkins so I had to get used to not feeling completely okay anymore. As we drove closer and closer to the party I felt like we should be heading in the other direction. At the same moment a car sped past us, laid on his horn which made me jump halfway off my seat. Steve had looked at me, put his hand on my thigh.

“Hey Y/N are you okay?”

I looked over at him, nodded my head.

“Yeah Steve I’m fine I just… there’s just a feeling inside of me that we shouldn’t be going to this party.”

“Oh okay princess well if you want to go home we can.”

I looked at him, smiled and shook my head at him.

“No no it’s okay I’m sure I’m just being dramatic.”

He looked at me, raised his eyebrows.

“Are you sure cause I don’t mind turning around.”

“No no Steve it’s okay I promise I’m fine.”

“Okay if you insist Y/N.”

The rest of the car ride was pretty fun, it honestly eased my mind. It was like Steve was my anxiety cure.

I couldn’t ask for a better way to help calm me. When we pulled up to the barn my anxiety was back. The barn was a brick red like it had just been painted. The house was also kept in good condition I mean besides the grass. I’d love to live here with Steve one day but I honestly didn’t want to rush it.

College was in two years, I didn’t want to go to a different college as Steve I wanted us to be with each other. I gripped Steve’s hand tightly, he looked down at me. He smiled, kissed my forehead and I took a deep breath. The farm was beautiful except the grass which looked like it hadn’t been cut in a few months, It just looked abandoned. Steve and I walked into the back yard, we saw The huge corn field. It was really intimidating.

The only people I knew here were Emma, Josh, Tommy H, Carol, Jack, Ashley, Steve and I, but people sure did show up. If I had to guess I would say at least 500 students had showed up. I saw all types of costumes, I was excited but one guy held my attention. He was standing against the drink table, he was just staring at everyone. He wasn’t interacting, but he was probably one of the guys who thought they were too cool to party.

As the night went on the party had died down slowly but surely. Steve and I were slow dancing, he looked down at me, he smiled pushing some of my now deflated hair out of my face.

“I told you, you’d have a fun time Y/N.”

I looked up at him, let out a drunken snort.

“Did you basically just tell me you told me so Harrington?”

He cracked a smile, kissed my lips.

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.”

Steve kissed me again then pulled away, he got close to my ear and raised his voice so he could be heard over the music. I nodded my head. I watched him drunkenly stumble away, after he stumbled a little bit into the corn I felt eyes on me. At first I convinced myself that I was just over reacting, but then the feeling became stronger. Not only did I feel eyes on me but I felt tension. So I turned around and I saw him. It was the same guy who was leaning on the drink table. He was just staring at me. I smiled lightly, waved at him. He turned away from me, he walked into the cornfield.

*Killers pov*

I heard a car door shut, I walked to the side of the window. I barely looked out of it, I saw a group of teenagers walking towards the cornfield. I grabbed my knife, as the last kid went into the cornfield I followed them. They had walked about a mile and a half into the field. When they finally got to the party area I saw four huge speakers around the perimeter, the music was blaring. There were drinks being poured, food being eaten. I watch from behind the corn, I’d figured I’d show these kids how to party.

It took awhile for the other teenagers to separate from one another, I knew who my victims were going to be. A young guy who didn't look any older than 17 wandered off, I quickly followed him. It’s not like anyone knew I was here, I knew the paths in the corn maze because I lived here. I grabbed my knife, while he was peeing I walked up behind him slitting his throat from ear to ear. I watched his lifeless carcass lay there unable to move, I watched the life slowly fade out of his eyes. I drug his body where I knew no one would look.

After I knew his body wouldn’t be recovered I went back to the group, I hid the knife in my hoodie pocket. I walked over to the drink table, that’s when I saw a Y/H/C haired girl with a brown haired boy. The girl was staring at me. She smiled tightly, continuing with their night. Little did they know mine just started and it wasn’t going to end anytime soon. I drank a few drinks, I saw the girl that was with the guy I killed went looking for him. I knew she was going to be my next victim, I didn’t have any remorse about who I killed. I didn’t care who I was taking them from.

I can just say they all were at the wrong place at the wrong time. I had only one goal and that was to kill them all. There was a couple here who I knew would be my last victims, and that was the boy dressed as Han Solo and the girl dressed as Madonna. They looked like they’d be fun to torture, but the only question was which one of them would be my last victim? My focus was back on the girl who was dressed as some work out girl. I snuck up behind her, I covered her mouth stabbing her in the back. I slid the knife out, jammed it back in.

After her body went limp I let her hit the floor, I drug her body further in the shed. I cut off her hands, then I continued to dismember her body. When I was done I cleaned myself off, the knife when I rejoined the party, no one seemed to notice that two of their friends had disappeared. I noticed some of the kids started to leave as it got later, I was honestly relieved when I saw my planned victims still here. So I decided it was officially time to play. I loved playing cat and mouse especially with people who had no idea that they were the mouse.

As the night went on the more teenagers died. I made some of my own Halloween decorations. One kid was my official scarecrow, let’s just say he was definitely going to scare people away. His death was my favorite death so far. The way his neck cracked when I broke it gave me a thrill, the way I felt him struggle against me made my adrenaline race. I wanted more, I needed more and I was far from done. There were only six teenagers left. Four girls and four guys, but I had to be smart about this if I just popped out they could all take me on easily. So I went into the bar, I grabbed the knife. After getting that I circled around to the front of the house where their cars were parked, walked up to their cars digging my knife into all sixteen tires.

Now they were stuck here with me, the best part was they didn’t have a clue. I snuck back to the party, I noticed a couple was missing. I went to the bar, grabbed the Axe that was hanging near the handsaw, pitchfork. I walked out the back of the barn, came face to face with a guy. Before he could even think I swung the axe, his head went flying across the yard, near the huge oak tree. The girl which I’m guessing is his girlfriend came out from the other side of the shed, when she saw her boyfriend's head near the tree she screamed. I quickly walked over to her, punched her in the face striking her left temple.

I drug her body to the root of the three, and start stomping her head on the root. I could hear her teeth break as I stomped, I picked her head up by her hair, and started viciously beating her face against the tree. It was satisfying to hear her nose break. The more I beat her face the more her bones broke. Soon enough as blood trailed from her eyes, mouth, and ears her skull cracked, pieces of Brain went all over the place. At this point I didn’t need to hide the bodies anymore. They couldn't escape even if they tried, I picked up the axe I had, then I put more of the teenagers bodies up as decorations. I cut the guy's eyes out, I used him as a Jack O’lantern. I sat the girl at a table that was in another section of the cornfield.

I guess you could say it was like a maze, but these teenagers were smart. They knew their way in and out of an easy corn maze, but what they weren’t expecting was their friends to be so hands on with the maze. Now all I had to do was lure the last two couples away from my last two victims, I was good to go. I walked into the corn maze, back to the party. I whispered something, the drunk girl turned towards me, I backed up into the corn maze. Of course she followed me, the alcohol made her curious and it got the best of her.

As soon as she stepped into the corn I killed her. As I drug her towards the table with the good China on it I sat her in the chair. Sitting her up as a decoration, I fixed the fingers that I chopped off and put them on a plate, I used the other empty plate for their ears. Now we just needed “tea” to finish the decorations, so that’s what I intended to do next. As I snuck back to the cornfield a guy saw me, I was covered in blood. He immediately took notice. He told his friends, but they didn’t believe him in fact they laughed at him. The guy got mad, walked off.

As he walked off I heard my last two victims talking to my next two.

“Can you believe that guy Tommy?”

“Yeah I know Steve he really thinks we are that stupid to feed into his Halloween prank?”

I didn’t hear the rest cause I walked away. I knew the last two guys' names were Tommy, and Steve. I heard footsteps near me, I turned seeing the guy who had walked off immediately. He hit me, I tasted a rich copper taste in my mouth. I quickly wiped at my lip, struck him in the throat. As he was gasping for air I grabbed his head, I raised my knee slamming his face directly into the center of my knee. The force sent his body back, he was lying on his back. I grabbed his feet, drug him to the same exact spot I did the last girl, but when he started to wake up I punched him in his temple, I opened his mouth, cut out his tongue. I leaned him over the big tea pot, let the blood flow into it.

As soon as I felt his pulse slowing down I dressed him up in overalls, put a straw hat on him. I dressed the other two couples up to match him, I knew it was time to get this over with. I poured the blood in each cup, I put their hands on the tea cups. I walked back to the shed, grabbed a few weapons that would make this process faster, but how they died would still be on my terms. I grabbed the pitchfork, I hid it under some of the hay that was in the maze. After setting the next few traps it was time to reveal myself, I was near the entrance of the party. The first to see me was the girl dressed as Madonna. She grabbed the boy dressed as Han Solo, then he got the attention of the other two. As soon as they all saw me I pulled out the machet.

it took them a minute to figure out why I had a machete, but when they did I could see the panic set in. They split up, I couldn’t have been happier. My focus wasn’t on Steve and the girl, but it was focused on Tommy and his girlfriend. I walked towards them, they ran down the other opening of the maze, well I knew that was going to happen, I followed them. Tommy was running, I just stood there. I knew what was going to happen, sure enough it happened. Tommy had tripped on some fishing line I put up, his face met my pitchfork. His girlfriend let out a scream, I heard the other two calling For her.

“Carol? Carol where are you?”

Carol looked at me, wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“Why are you Doing this?”

I smirked at her, I walked slowly towards her.

“Oh carol you think I need a motive? It’s scarier when you don’t have one.”

I smiled at her, she took off. I ran after her though. She was almost close enough to grab. so I pushed her down, but when I turned her around she threw dirt in my face, kneed me in the balls. I immediately dropped, wiped the dirt out of my eyes. As soon as my vision came back I stood up, and was on the hunt. As soon as I turned the corner Carol popped out, smacked me with a wood beam. This little bitch wasn’t going down without a fight, if it was a fight she wanted it was a fight I was going to give her. When she went to swing the beam again I ducked, and stabbed her in the leg.

She let out a scream, I stabbed her in the cheek. As I pulled the knife out she grabbed her cheek, spit blood in my face. I grabbed her by her hair, she was a fighter but she wouldn’t win against me. I brought her back to the shed, I lined her up with the hook that was hanging in the shed, I lifted her up then shoved her body on the hook. She let out a gut wrenching scream, I put the wood chipper under her. I went to look for the other two.

*Readers pov*

I ran with Steve, we hid behind the tractor. I heard Carol scream, I jumped slightly grabbing Steve's hand. Tears had formed in my eyes when I heard her scream. He was touring her. Steve had peaked around the tree, saw him going into the cornfield. Next thing I knew we were heading towards the shed. We saw Carol hanging, my hand flew over my mouth. I couldn’t imagine the pain she was in, Steve and I went over to her, she was limp. When we started trying to get her down she let out a scream. I jumped slightly, Steve was trying to get her to be quiet. As soon as Steve almost got her down the woodchipper turned on.

As soon as Steve had gotten Carol down she struggled and he lost his grips her body went into the woodchipper, blood flew all over me. I closed my eyes as her warm blood flew all over me. As soon as I opened them I saw pieces of her body all over the place. As soon as I went to say something the back of the shed was kicked open, there was the killer. Steve grabbed my hand, ran towards the cars. As soon as we got there we saw the tires were flat. Steve looked at me, I looked towards the house.

“Steve we need to get into the house.”

Steve looked at me, raised his eyebrow.

“Y/N are you crazy that’s the first place he’s going to look.”

I let out a sigh, then looked at Steve.

“Well Steve we don’t really have much of an option now do we?”

He sighed then nodded his head.

“Alright let’s go, quickly so he doesn’t know where we went.”

As we walked up the porch Steve had grabbed the door knob, the door opened. It felt too easy, I was right as soon as we opened the door the killer grabbed me. Steve looked at us both, then put his hands in the air.

“Hey, hey she’s an easy kill you don’t want her. If you want someone who’s going to give you a fight it’s me.”

As soon as Steve had the killer's attention I stomped on his toe, head butted him slamming the side of my head into him, when he let go I faced him, kicked him in the knee cap making him fall. His knee hit the step, his chin hit the top step. Steve and I rushed inside, shut the door. Steve ran into the kitchen, I was right behind him. Steve grabbed a knife, I couldn’t find a weapon. So I grabbed a cast iron skillet. As soon as the killer stepped into the kitchen I swung the skillet with all my might and hit him right in the face.

He stumped back grabbing his nose as it started to bleed. He grabbed the knife that was in his pocket, threw it at me. It hit my leg and it got stuck. I dropped the Iron skillet, quickly pulled out the knife. I let out a scream, I dropped the knife and limped over to the killer. He grabbed my ankle, I turned towards him and lifted up my leg. I swung my leg back, I kicked him right in the jaw. He let go of my leg, I limped up the stairs. When I turned around Steve was behind me, I started down the stairs.

When I got down to them I saw The killer trying to get into the pantry where I assumed Steve was. Let out a scream to get his attention which worked, then he was after me. I hopped up the stairs as fast as I could, I felt him grab at my costume, as soon as I went to get away from him he punched me in the back causing me to fall. He turned me around, I kicked him down the stairs. I scrambled to my feet, I limped down the hallway into a room. I walked into the room, I shut the door. The floorboards would freak the more weight I put on them.

I tried to walk as quietly as I could, but with this leg injury it was nearly impossible. I heard the door knob wiggle, I limped over to the closet. Walking in it but before I could get in it two skeletons fell out the closet, I let out a scream. The door busted open, I whipped around looking face to face with the killer. I took in a deep breath, looked at him.

“If you want me here I am mother fucker get it over with.”

He ran at me, tackled me out the door. We landed on the balcony, he leaned over me wrapping his hands around my throat, I started struggling against him. I saw a piece of the door on the floor, I reached for it but I couldn’t get it. I finally came to grips that I wouldn’t see Steve anymore. I wouldn’t see my little brother, I wouldn’t see my mother. I wouldn’t see another day again. This is how it was going to end and I was fine with it.

As soon as I gave into the idea of death his grip loosen around my throat, I opened my eyes to see him and Steve fighting. All I had to do was look at Steve to get that fighting spirit back, that was because Steve looked like shit. He had blood on running down his lip, his once white sleeve was now soaked red. I grabbed the largest part of the door and it had a rusty nail poking out of it. I picked it up, I swung as hard as I could. I heard a thump then I heard another thump. I walked to the edge of the balcony, I looked down to see the killer laying there. He wasn’t moving, Steve had put his arm around my shoulder, I looked at him then smiled.

“Let’s go home please.”

“Fine by me baby.”

Steve and I walked down the stairs, out the front door I walked to the car, I grabbed my purse out of it. Then I started walking down the driveway when it hit me. The other cars probably had spare tires in them. I looked at Steve, told him they probably had spare tires in the back. We walked back to the cars, I opened Steve’s trunk while he went to find something to get the other cars trunks open. As soon as I turned to get out the car the killer had grabbed my throat and began to choke me. I grabbed my purse, I got my pepper spray out, I sprayed him in the eyes. when he let go I gasped for breath, I grabbed the Jack I stepped out of the car, I hit him in his face with the Jack knocking him out.

When Steve came back he had rope along with a crowbar, I looked at Steve, he looked at the killer on the ground.

“W-what happened?”

I looked at him, took in a breath.

“Well I thought he was dead but apparently not so I knocked him out with the Jack, give me the rope so I can tie him up.”

When he handed me the rope I grabbed the jack to the car and hit him again. I turned him on his stomach, I tied up his arms along with his feet. After an hour or so of Steve opening the trunks and changing the tires. The killer finally came to. He started struggling, I walked over to him and I kicked him in the face.

“Steve I think I saw a gas station down the road when we came here. Drive down there and call the cops.”

He looked at me, he shook his head.

“Y/N I’m not leaving you here with him. What if he gets loose?”

I looked at Steve, I smirked.

“Then the cops will have another body to take to the morgue.”

He nodded then got in the car and started up. He put the car in reverse and took off. I let out a breath of air, I heard him laughing. I walked over to him, I turned him on his back.

“What the fuck is so funny?”

He looked at me, he spit on me. I stood back up, I kicked him in the stomach. He let out a groan, he started laughing again. I got pissed, I stood up and started kicking him. He continued to laugh as I kicked him but he started choking, When he coughed hard He coughed up blood.

“Not so funny now is it?”

He looked at me, he smiled.

I stood back up, I heard Steve pull back up. He got out of the car, looked at me.

“Y/N get away from him.”

“Yeah Y/N get away from me, be a good girl for Steve.”

I kicked him in the face again, just as I went to kick again Steve pulled me away from him.

About fifteen minutes later the police showed up. After they discovered all the bodies they arrested the killer, they started reading him his rights. They took us to the ambulance, I heard one of the officers say his name, I looked at Steve and he nodded at me. I called an officer over, I looked at him.

“Officer did he say why he did that to my friends.”

He looked at me and moved his hat some.

“Well miss Y/L/N Brandon escaped from the mental hospital and it took your friends and you to come here to hit a nerve.”

I nodded my head, I watched him walk back to the squad car. When they were pulling he looked at us smiling, I smiled back and then flicked him off.

“Happy Halloween Brandon.”

Three days after we got out of the hospital Steve and I had got back to his house Steve and I were sitting on the couch snuggled up watching a movie, I kissed his cheek.

“Thank you.”

He smiled at me then looked at me.

“For what?”

I looked at him, shrugged.

“For not leaving me.”

He smiled at me, kissed my lips.

“Y/N you’re the love of my life I couldn’t ever leave you.”

I smiled, I took in a deep breath. We would recover from this but it would take a while, but I knew with Steve by my side that would be completely possible.

A/N: thank you guys for reading this I’m really proud of it. I hope you guys liked it.

[lexgivesgayadvice]

hi! first of all i think what ur doing is amazing and i hope u also have time to take care of urself as well as helping all of us!

i was hoping for some advice, as i’m sure u guessed hahah so it’s kind of two fold one part more advice-y than the other i think

so i recently graduated college and moved away from my home town and the town i went to college which was only 2 hours away from my home town which has made my more comfortable to question what i know about my sexuality. pretty much all my life the majority of my friends have been LGBTQIA+ or otherwise confidentially queer identifying in some way and theyve always joked i’m the token straight or my best friend who moved out here with me always referenced the john mulaney joke, that when i was being created everything about my was made like a wlw but then they forgot to switch the flip that actually makes me like women…… ive always kind of wondered about my sexuality but honestly i never wanted to actually pursue anyone who isn’t a straight man bc the one occasion i kissed a girl, or had a work friend who i also hooked up with who was non-binary everyone made such a big deal and sensationalized it (which is also a whole other issue with how they reacted like i had to be gay bc i was hooking up with a non binary person and they got a massive talking to but anyway) and had this very almost like…. see we’ve been right all along attitude that rubbed me the wrong way and made me not want to “prove them right” out of spite and i don’t know how to juggle learning more about myself and that feeling and also struggling with like… i know i’m incredibly privileged to know i’m surrounded by ppl who love me and would accept me if i am not straight but the idea that they would have this “i was right u were wrong” vibe about it puts a bad taste in my mouth idk what i’m asking here but i just rlly wanted to say something to someone i hope that’s okay!!

and my actual advice portion i’ll try to make short and sweet since i rambled a lot above sorry again! i’ve been really thinking extra about exploring this part of myself that i know likes men but also i’m pretty sure that’s not all i like but i don’t want anyone to get hurt or offend or disrespect anyone in the process. basically i don’t want someone to think they’re my “big gay field trip” or my “gay experiment”. do u or anyone else have any advice on how i can interact with queer spaces and try to date women without making them feel like im a straight girl experimenting/toying with their feelings/any other hurtful or mean things

thank u again ur amazing!!!

Hello my friend!!! Thanks for your kind words - I'm so happy to be here helping you out!

I think that broadly speaking, your best option for everything going on here is to be honest. I'm operating under the assumption that your friends are decent people who care about you and aren't doing a good job expressing that. It doesn't make it okay that they're treating you in a way that clearly makes you uncomfortable, but if it's coming from a place of love and genuine excitement to welcome you into the queer community, then it's probably a lot easier to make them understand how you feel. Tell them that you're continuing to explore your sexuality but their past reactions are making you self-conscious and hesitant to let yourself freely explore your identity. If that feels like a lot, talk to one or two trusted people and let them help you get the point across that you're grateful for their support, but they need to chill. And if they aren't willing to make an effort to do that, well, maybe consider if they're really the friends you thought they were.

As far as having experiences with women, I think again just be honest! "I've been questioning my sexuality and I don't know exactly what I'm feeling or how I want to identify, but I'd like to spend some time with you/hang out/try some things if you're down." Let them know that you're genuinely interested in them but also still figuring yourself out, and then the expectations will be appropriate and they can choose whether that's what they're looking for at the moment. Just be kind and caring and respectful of everyone's feelings (including your own) and I think you'll do just fine!

I wish you the best of luck on your journey of self-discovery, anon!!! Don't let anyone stop you from figuring out who you truly are 💚🌈

[wincore]

FAVORITE PEOPLE??? u r gonna make me cry stop :’) ur my favorite author/blog so i guess we’re even 🤔🤔 i’ve been busy but okay!! my quarter is wrapping up right now so i’ll be on break soon & can hopefully catch up on some content heh

GRADUATE SCHOOL??????? BIG BRAIN MOONIE!!!!!! THIS IS SO EXCITING!! i’m so happy to hear that you’re figuring things out & omg i don’t even know what the preparations are for that but i hope everything is going well!!! that’s seriously so cool

“i literally write like 👁️_👁️” LMFAO STOPPP ur writing is wonderful it makes me smile and cry and then smile again 😌😌 WHAT HAVE U BEEN UP TO LATELY WRITING WISE!! any particular tropes ur into?? random inspos??

- tata!!

PLSS every time you send an ask, i’m trying to telepathically send love waves towards you!!!!! if my words don’t convey it enough i will have to use an abundance of heart emojis ♥💘💖💗💓 

ooh!! im so glad you get time to yourself !!! hope you relax and have fun 🥰 is there any content you usually go to without thinking when you wanna take a break?? i just recently caught up with the nct dream content so my mood has been lightened and my stress literally disappeared :D 

HHH i was preparing for interviews and discovered that most of the companies i wanna work at usually hire graduates for the posts i’m interested in so it looks like i’ll have to be doing some more of studying 🥴 the only preparation i have is for the gre and for this scholarship interview which can cover my entire tuition fee so  (＞﹏＜) hope i work hard enough to get it!! otherwise, i seem to be fine academically (i think??)

oh boy tata!!! you’re opening the pandora’s box here!!!!! ☆ｏ(＞＜；)○ i have so many things im trying to explore in writing at once that i needed to sit down and sort out my priorities!! im trying to finish the soulmate au for jaehyun except they’re not soulmates (it’s called romeo roulette) and it’s kind of like realism in soulmate aus?? like there’s not a lot of fantasy aspect to it apart from the fact they have literal tattoos telling people who their soulmate is LOL it’s literally set in an office. 

buuut coming to fantasy, i have ideas for modern magic/magical realism where it’s really just mundane people magic and not. flashy stuff. (￣ ￣|||) ceo sicheng and ceo jaehyun fall in this category but then again. it’s more focused on the business aspect (???) and it’s already set in a slightly different universe hhhh so i might end up removing the magic part (it’s really just some people with powers of persuasion, deceit, etc etc) if it turns out too tacky?? let me know what you think!!! i personally do like the idea if it’s mixed with a bit of crime themes 🤩

im also determined to make the rock band dream 00 line a series so. either lead guitarist haechan or bassist jaemin is next 😙

and again. i’m like more into writing lighthearted romcoms these days bc they’re relaxing for me 😬😬 there’s the fashion designer taeyong i promised myself i would write LOL i even have a pretty romcom-esque plot for it <3 there’s also this au inspired by “You’ve Got Mail” for nomin set in college and i have never written love triangles before so this is fully up to god or whoever is upstairs hhhh there’s also one for bff2l sicheng which is (temporarily) called “how to overcome the fear of falling in love” which is the exact opposite of How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days LMAO and the last romcom one is fake dating au jaemin where i have a plot promise..

lastly, im finally returning to writing the requests from november i feel bad for putting them off for so long LOL the first is soccer player sungchan let’s goooo