#I got it from a thrift store (already!) for $1 so it was well worth it

[awesomephd]

I can't believe I actually own Morbius

morbin' time anytime baby

[godesssiri]

Thrifting antiques and valuable vintage.

I have an 8 foot high shelf in my living room. It’s huge and it’s packed full of gorgeous goodies. I would estimate that there’s easily $10,000 on those shelves – a grand a shelf + a bit extra because I have a pair of stupidly valuable vases that I could sell for $3000. Have I actually spent that much to acquire those items? Hahahahahahahahahahaha! No. I’m not rich, what I am is a dedicated thrifter who has learned to pick the treasures from the trash. Here are my best tips:

1.Pick things up, turn them over, look for maker’s marks, snap a pic and do a google image search, with a lot of them you can narrow down when something was made to a 10-20 year time-frame. Is the item heavier than you were expecting? Antiques are often heavier than new productions because they’re using better quality materiel or just more of the materiel because it was cheaper back then. Look for signs of wear, has the paint or plating rubbed off over time? Unless you like that look steer clear of really worn items, the fact they’re so worn detracts from the value and indicates they weren’t that high quality to begin with. You can learn and awful lot just by picking something up off the shelf.

2. Hand painted items. The stupidly valuable vases? Are exquisitely hand-painted. I got them for 30 bucks and almost had a heart attack when I did a google image search. I’ve got several hand painted things that I’ve picked up for cheap and could easily sell for 10 x what I paid for them. Look for fine painting, things that are intricate and detailed, not blobby. There is a HUGE collector’s market for hand-painted Chinese export porcelain that's over about 50 years old at least.

3. Antique books. A lot of people don’t place value on old books and tragically A LOT get thrown in the trash or cut up by crafters (if you are an artist who uses old books in your work, I’m BEGGING you to look at the publication date before you cut the pages out unless it’s already so damaged there’s no saving it). Anything pre-1950 there’s a collector’s market. Anything over 100 years old is officially antique and is a treasure. I have 3 books that were published in the 1700s and the most I’ve paid was $50, one of them I got for $10 – because the sellers didn’t bother to google the title and author and figure out exactly how old the book was. Since at least the early 1800s most books have had the publication date printed right there in the front so it’s super easy to figure out if the book in your hand with a 50-cent price tag is a genuine antique.

4. Pairs. Things are always more valuable as a pair. So, if you have the chance to buy a pair grab them. The stupidly valuable vases are more valuable as a pair – a single sells for $1000. Or if something was once part of a pair and there’s a chance of you coming across another one then it’s well worth it to make a new pair. I will always grab a single foo-dog/temple-lion because I have made up pairs from 2 singles and it instantly increases the value. The same goes for sets of things. I’m slowly putting together a set of 6 Libby cactus margarita glasses and when I have a full set I’ll probably sell them because I need the space and I have other glasses I like better – but I won’t sell until I find number 6 (I’ve got 5 and it’s driving me insane waiting to find the last one) because an even numbered set is worth so much more than an odd number.

5. Solid brass. See above re. picking things up and feeling for the weight. Solid brass is a lot heavier than hollow and is worth a whole lot more. Next time you’re in a thrift store and there’s a bunch of brass pick up different things and feel the difference in weight, you’ll find a huge variance between similarly sized items. The heavier ones also tend to have finer details which is another indicator and quality and value – not always but most of the time.

6. Details. Speaking of fine detail, up until fairly recently the more finely detailed something was the harder it was to manufacture, therefore the higher quality it was, so always keep an eye on the details. Look at how anything that came from a mold is shaped – are the details sharp and clear or are they a bit blurred and blobby, does it have a visible seem? If something is carved is the carving detailed and smooth or chunky and rough? If something is jointed together, are the joins tight and straight or is there a gap or a crooked join? Look closely and see how things have been made. Good quality is easy to spot when you look closely.

7. Be prepared to pay up. Sometimes you’ll come across things that are pricey by thrift store standards but they’re still a fraction of what the item is actually worth. I have a malachite trinket box. I paid $45 for it and was hesitant to spend that much. But I looked it up and similarly sized boxes brand new are about $150. I’d always wanted a malachite box but there’s no way I’m ever gonna spend $150 on one. But $45? That fits into my discretionary budget for something I’d always wanted. I love Majolica pottery, but it is very very expensive so when I’m able to thrift it I’m willing to pay up – thrift store prices are still just a fraction of antique store prices even when they know they’ve got something special and have priced it on the higher side. And I have picked up some incredible bargains, like a plate for $10, when most of the plates in the store were in the $1-$5 range, but if they’d slapped a $20 price-tag on it then it still would have been a bargain because the same plate from and antique dealer would have cost me $50.

8. Know what you’re looking for. If you love a certain type of antique or vintage collectable, then research research research. Create a pintrest board and pin 10 zillion examples of that that thing until you can identify one in the wild just by a 2 second glance. Read up about when and where it was manufactured. If you see it in antique stores for way more than you’re willing/able to pay still go looking because seeing it in person helps you to learn what to look for when you’re thrifting. Look at listings online and read the descriptions, follow online auctions to see what it goes for, so you know when you find it and it’s way under-value, or maybe there won't be many bidders and you can score a bargain. You can search for things on Ebay then sort by sold listings and that’ll tell you what collectors are actually willing to pay so you can make a realistic offer to a dealer who has it way overpriced. I research a lot, and I know to swoop on a Victorian Bristol glass vase for $7 because it’s actually worth $50, or a Famille Rose vase for $5 when it’s worth $80 (I have a vase addiction OK? I’m aware of it, I have no interest in seeking treatment for it).

9. Search specifically and also search broadly. When you’re looking online it’s great to enter very specific search terms because even if you don’t find things you can afford, you’ll learn a lot. And sometimes you do find exactly what you’re looking for at a reasonable price. If you’re willing to put in the time, it’s also well worth it to keep your search terms very broad. One of the antiques I love is Chinese export Famille Rose porcelain. Yesterday I literally just typed ‘Chinese’ into FB Marketplace and scrolled through hundreds of listings because I figured if there was someone out there who didn’t know exactly what it was, they would at least be able to tell it was Chinese and they might have it listed as ‘Chinese porcelain’ or ‘Chinese figure’ or one I found was ‘Weird little Chinese dude’. I currently have 4 figurines on their way to me that are worth about $200 all up and I spent less than $40 including shipping – yes, I bought the weird little dude. I’ll often just type in ‘Antique’ and set a range of how far I’m willing to drive and just see what cool old stuff is available in that range – often people don’t know what they’ve got but they know it’s old so they list it as antique and you can pick up ridiculous bargains cause they don’t see the value in the item and just want it gone but want a few bucks for it.

10. Pick what you love. In the end it doesn’t matter if something is incredibly valuable if you think it’s ugly. I keep the stupidly valuable vases because I love them and enjoy looking at them on my shelf. I could flip them for a profit and if the day ever came that I really needed to then I would. But it didn’t cost me much to have that beauty in my life and I’m gonna keep it until I’m good and ready to let it go. The more you indulge your own tastes the more discerning you become and the more you’re able to spot treasure in the trash. My favorite aisle in my favorite thrift store is the one where the staff shove items that they think are rubbish. I’ve picked easily a thousand dollars worth of antiques from that aisle in the last year alone because they were things that I liked – things that made me go: Ooh that’s something special.

[morganski-19]

I Don't Know Which Way's Home

Chapter 8: Painting

ao3 link, Chapter 1, Chapter 7

January 1980

“So,” Rebecca said as she sits down at the breakfast table. “I have a very special gift for you today.”

Julie shoves a forkful of pancakes into her mouth. “What is it?”

It was her tenth birthday today. All the other kids in her class had big parties for their tenth birthdays, so she knew it was a special one. It was the time she reached double digits, after all. Ten whole fingers, some adults would tell her.

“We can go to the store, and you get to pick out whatever you want to decorate your room.”

“Really,” Julie beams.

“Really,” her mother smiles back. “And I think we even might be able to get a new paint color that you’ll like.”

Her room was an ugly shade of brown that made her sad to look at. Mary’s room looked so much better than hers. With pink wallpaper and posters and pictures all around her room. Julie had a different favorite color than her best friend, but she wanted her room to look just like Mary’s.

She smiles brightly at her mom while stuffing her face full of her birthday pancakes. It was a tradition that on birthday’s there would be pancakes, with all the toppings. Whipped cream, syrup, fruits that normally went ignored. More pancakes than any normal person would be able to consume, but it was her birthday, so it was ok.

“Any color?” Julie asks curiously as they drive to the hardware store.

“Any color. As long as you like it, I like it.”

She plays with her fingers in excitement. “But you sleep in the room too sometimes, you should like it to.”

Her mother hums while pulling into the parking lot. “I don’t think so. Today is about you, Jules. It’s your special day.”

Julie hops out of her seat as soon as the car is parked. She practically pulls her mom into the store, speeding straight to the wall of color swatches she would always gaze at. Carefully, she scours the colors, going straight to the blues but giving all colors a chance.

Eventually, she grabs a light shade of blue, just a bit darker than baby blue. But it’s perfect.

“Do you like that one?” Her mom asks.

Julie nods, looking up from the paint swatch to see the soft expression of her mom. “Yeah. Do you like it?”

“I love it,” Rebecca beams. “Let’s go get it.”

After the paint is bought, the two of them head to the thrift store to pick up some old frames and find some posters. Julie finds some that she likes, but it doesn’t matter. She already got more that she wanted just with the paint.

They pack up her room when they get home, bringing it all into the living room so they can get the walls painted. It takes hours and it’s mostly her mom that does it. But Julie helps with the bottom trim as much as she can.

The blue is already radiating off the walls, making her feel happier than she ever has. It’s finally starting to look like her.

Her mom walks over to her, wrapping an arm around Julie’s shoulder. Paint splattering both of their clothes, and even a bit on their skin. Her mom’s blond hair up in a messy bun with the hair sticking out in all different places, while Julie’s brown hair is starting to fall out of her French braid.

It was hard work, but it was worth it.

“How do you like it?”

Julie wraps her arm around her mom, hugging her close. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

“Anytime, Jules.”

. . .

Present Day, December 1986

“So, it’s been going well then,” Robin sums up, following Steve around as he does returns.

She sighs, slamming the tape back onto the metal shelves a little harder than he means. “I guess. I honestly have no idea.”

Robin crosses her arms. “But you said that she seems to like living with you?”

Julie does seem like she likes living with Steve. She hasn’t run away, from what he knows, and there’s no signs of fear like there was with the other house. It hasn’t been the smoothest of sailing, but it never was going to be like that. Two people who have known each other for just over a month suddenly living together is never going to be great at the start. Hell, even two people who have known each other for years can have some hiccups in the beginning.

But that wasn’t what was bothering Steve. He wanted to make sure that she knew she was welcome in his house. Not just to stay, but to make it her own. At least her room. Steve was never given the ability to make his house really his, the wallpaper alone was an indicator of that. But over the years, he was able to add small things. Pictures on the dressers and little figurines on his desk.

Steve wanted to make sure that Julie made his house her home, not just another placement.

“Yeah, but I can tell that’s something’s up. I just don’t know how to ask about it.”

“Maybe just ask,” Robin suggests. “Sometimes that’s all you need to do.”

Normally he would like her advice, love it even. But she doesn’t know Julie as well as he does, hasn’t spent the last week looking at her smile without it really meaning a smile. Her eyes were always blank, halfway to tears is he looked to hard. He knew why, there was only one reason. And he knew that no matter what he did wouldn’t help.

But he still wanted her to know that he was there. That he wasn’t going to be like the other place she was at where no one gave a shit if she was there at all. He wanted to be there for her, to help her through this.

Steve may have not lost a parent, at least to death, but he knows grief.

He knows that it sucks and that there’s nothing that will ever really help it. He’s lost people he’s barely known and people he knew well. And sometimes the people grieved the most come back, despite all odds, and some never do.

The days get shorter as the nights seem eternally long and all anyone ever wants to do is crawl into a hole and never leave. But life keeps happening and time keeps moving, and the people that are left have to grapple with the fact that they have to keep moving too.

Julie has been going through her grief alone, and it’s starting to show. Before, it went unnoticed. He wasn’t with her all day and when he was with her, she was just so relieved to be in a place that was safe. The brief relief overshadowed the grief just enough for him to miss it.

But now she’s living with him, and he can see her skipping meals. He can see how she just retreats to her room and stays there for as long as possible. How she gets up and goes to school in day old clothes.

“It’s a little more sensitive then just asking about it, Rob.”

“Oh,” Robin’s face falls. “Has she talked to you about it at all?”

Steve shakes his head as he moves to the next aisle. “No. And like, I don’t want to push, but she looks so empty all the time. I want to make sure that she knows I’m here, that I want her here. That my home can be hers too, you know.”

“Have you told her that? Shown her that you really mean it when you say that she has a home with you.”

The same questions have been brewing in his mind for the last week now. How can he make someone feel at home in a place that barely felt like his half the time?

“I don’t know how.”

Before Robin gets the chance to respond, the after-school rush starts. He goes behind the counter to check in the returns and to check out the new picks of the week. Smiled in the face of a mom who asked to see his manager, only for him to point at his new name tag with the word “Manager” under his. The embarrassed face that people get when he points that out is one of the better things about this job.

“I have an idea,” Robin says when she gets into the passenger side of his car, their shifts ended. “Why don’t you offer to take her shopping?”

“Do you really think that will help?”

Robin nods. “Ask her if she wanted to get some new clothes or something, stuff for her room. She obviously lost some stuff, and while that can’t be replaced, you can at least offer to get her some things to make her room feel more like her. I mean, you’ve seen her mom’s interior decorating.”

Steve winces, “She took the flower room.”

“Gross,” Robin gags. “That room is so pink.”

“Maybe I could take her out,” Steve scratches his chin. “Get some posters or something to cover up the wallpaper. I could get a new curtain and bedspread too, to cut away the pink.”

“Or,” Robin draws out. “You could just paint over it.”

He sighs. “Rob, you know I-.”

“How long has it been since your parents have actually been to that house?” she cuts him off.

“A year and a half.”

“And how long did their trip take before that visit?”

“Two years,” he says in a small voice.

He knew it was long, it was hard to miss. But for the number of things that happened in those two years, he’s never wished for a parent more.

Robin curses them under their breath. “It was really two years?”

Steve pulls to a stop in front of her house. “Yeah.”

He remembers waking up the summer after his sophomore year to an empty house. Then, it meant unsupervised parties and freedom. But as the months dragged on, the parties got bored, especially when it was all on him to clean it up. He used to throw them just to get attention, to see if he messed up big enough would mean a trip home. Attention was attention, and his parents gave him nothing unless he was a disappointment.

It hurt, but he was still a kid. Still feels like one sometimes. And while he’s disappointing them in a whole different way now, he’s begging that they won’t come home to figure it out.

Robin reaches across the center console and pulls him into a hug. He almost falls into it, wrapping his arms around her and holding on tight. Digging his face into the crook of her neck and just letting himself feel.

“I’m sorry,” Robin whispers, letting the silence fill the car afterward.

Tears start to fill Steve’s eyes as the hurt resurfaces again. Nothing he could ever do would make them stay, so after a while he stopped trying. Kept up appearances while he was in high school, got the job that his dad wanted him to. But it was never enough. He was still not good enough for them.

It was around then that he started doing things for him. He stayed in the job because it meant staying close to Robin. He hung out with people that would give his dad a heart attack if he ever knew. Took in Julie because he wanted to have a sibling bond with her. Even found out things about himself that he tried to hide so much but couldn’t because he found someone who could make him happy.

Steve was happy, for the first time in a long time. But that happiness still stung sometimes. Mainly because his happiness wouldn’t even be taken into a factor if his parents ever came home to find who he’s become without them.

“Why did you never tell me it was that long?” Robin says while pulling pack.

“Never came up. Don’t exactly like to talk about it that much.”

“Well, if you ever want to, you know I’ll listen. I’ll always listen to you, Steve. And with Julie, you got it. I know you do.”

He smiles. “Thank you.”

“Anytime, dingus.”

. . .

Julie comes home to an empty house, heading straight to her room. It’s not like it’s unusual, Steve works full time now, so his shifts vary. Sometimes opening, sometimes closing. But he always makes sure to leave some food for Julie when he knows he’ll be away for dinner, or a wrapped sandwich in the fridge for her to take to lunch if he has to leave early.

She wasn’t expecting him to adjust to this as fast as he did. But every morning when she wakes up, he already has breakfast made and is working on making her a sandwich. Or when she comes home from school and he asks about her day, lets her say as much as she wants before letting her retreat to her room.

Her room is not nearly like the safe haven that her old one was. A place that felt undeniably like her, that comforted her every time she walked through the door. Because it was hers, and she knew that it meant she was loved.

And it’s not like here didn’t make her feel safe. Steve never yelled, and if he did it wasn’t malicious, and only really happened when Robin or Eddie were over. He never pressured her to spend time with him, or to make sure she was eating. Didn’t mention the days she would go without showering or when she slept in too much to go to school. The opposite really, she caught him making a phone call to the school faking that she was sick the other day. He was waiting for her to open up, but she almost wishes he didn’t.

It’s not like she wants to talk about this. Her mom. The crash. The pain. It’s hard enough to think about rather than talk about. But she wants it gone. She wants to go to bed without crying or feeling empty. She wants to take a bite of food and for it to taste like it, not just something foreign in her mouth that tastes like paste. She wants to get up and feel happy again. Get the giant elephant that’s sitting on her chest to move.

But she doesn’t know how to talk about it because this has never happened to her. To anyone that she’s known. And if Steve could relate, he never said anything. Even then, the pain that she feels is unique to her, so if anyone tried to relate, she’d probably just get angry.

Julie hears the front door close and the rustle of keys as Steve tosses them on the hall table. Like he does every single time. A routine. It’s something that she’s noticed in the past week, even in the last month. He would do things the same way every single day. Sometimes there would be days that he forgot, where he would notice his car keys on the kitchen table and get a slight panic in his eyes until they were in the same place. It was odd, but he never mentioned it, so neither did she.

She’s started noticing random things about him that didn’t make sense. Once when he was putting away dishes, his shirt ran up and she saw what looked like animal bite scars along his sides. And when he pulled at his collar, there was a faint line wrapping around his neck, like he was strangled with a small wire.

He couldn’t hear well out of his right ear, anymore. Like he was once able to. And she knows he gets migraines. And while those things can be completely normal, she can’t help but feel like they are connected.

Last night she heard what sounded like a shout from his bedroom before a loud thud and heavy breathing. Stuttered, scared, intense heavy breathing. Like she would get when she was little and had a nightmare. What terrified him so much that he still got nightmares that bad?

Steve knocks on her door and she lets him know he can come in. “Hey, how was school?”

“Good,” she says, closing her math book.

“So, I was thinking. Maybe we could go out this weekend, get somethings that would make this room less horrible. If you wanted to.”

Good lord does she want to, but she doesn’t exactly have any money. “I don’t really have that much to pay for it so.”

Steve brushes her off like it’s nothing. “Don’t worry about it. I got it, whatever you want.”

“Are you sure?”

“Not my money, my dad’s. Never got to use it before, and he won’t notice if you start using it now.”

“Oh, ok. That would be nice then.”

Steve smiles. “Great. Uh, we can’t really do anything about the wallpaper, but we can get new curtain, and a new bedspread that is something you’ll like more. And we can get some posters or something to cover up the walls.”

Julie nods. “That sounds good.”

“Great. Do you want the door shut again?”  

“No, you can leave it cracked.”

Steve nods before closing it slightly, leaving it open a few inches.

. . .

Saturday rolls around and Steve wakes up annoyed. His scars are itching like crazy and there’s just enough of a headache that makes him want to go back to sleep. But he doesn’t, because he promised Julie to take her out today. And he’s not going to break a promise with her.

She’s probably already had enough of that, and he has too.

He gets out of bed, heading to his bathroom to rub the anti-itch cream around the scars on his torso and get ready. Down in the kitchen, he makes breakfast, now knowing that Julie likes her eggs scrambled with some cheese.

She comes down a bit later, hair braided and in some new clothes. She’s actually talking to him this morning, instead of avoiding everything by staring at the table. It’s nice.

When they’re done eating, Steve cleans up the dishes and Julie insists on helping. She dries and puts away the dishes while Steve washes them. Steve can’t explain what’s happening inside of his head, but he knows it’s good. Something about this morning makes him beam with a sort of pride. Julie being her and acting like she belongs, because maybe a small part of her knows that she does.

Like they’re starting to act like family instead of just friends.

He asks what type of things she’d want to get to decorate her room. What color curtains, sheets, where she could go to get some posters, pictures. Anything to hide the pink monstrosity that is covering the walls. They make a plan, heading to the strip mall to see if they can find everything there.

“I think these are nice,” Julie says, looking at a striped sheet set with dark blues and reds. “Can I get them?”

“If you like them, yeah.”

She pulls them off the shelf, placing it in the cart. “It’s really going to clash with the wallpaper though,” she winces.

Steve laughs. “Yeah well, anything’s going to clash with that wallpaper. I would change it if I could.”

“Why can’t you?”

“Can’t risk it. My parents come home sometimes, and when they do it’s like they go through and pick apart the house to make sure I’ve kept it the way they wanted it. I tried to convince my mom to change the wallpaper in my room one time, and she just wasn’t having it. It was her house, her vision. Too much for me to understand, so I just stopped trying.”

He remembers the way his mom sounded when he drew across the walls as a kid. The anger in her voice as she didn’t yell, but scolded. In the way that terrified people to their bones without even raising her voice. The same thing again when he tried to hang up a piece of art on the fridge. It was her house, her image. And his art was unseemly, would leave a bad taste in her friend’s mouths. So, he just stopped trying to make anything his own.

But he wanted Julie to feel like his was her home. And his parents had no reason to come home anytime soon, so he was taking a risk. Just her living with him at all was a risk, he was sure she knew that. It was worth it to him though. If acknowledging that he had a sister was the final nail in the coffin for him and his parents, he’d hammer it in himself.

“You get used to it eventually,” he continues, stopping in front of the curtains. “You find some ways to make it look your own, and you just ignore the terrible wallpaper choices.”

“That kind of sucks though, that your mom never let you choose what you wanted your room to look like.”

Steve presses his lips together. “Yeah. It is.”

He used to tell himself that eventually he’d just move out, that then he’d be able to choose what he wanted to do with his room. That he’ll make a place of his own for himself, and just himself. No one else, and especially not his parents. And he knew that this was a shitty situation. But out of all of the things his parents did, he always put not changing the wallpaper in his room at the bottom of the list. Because it wasn’t ideal, but it wasn’t the worst.

But Julie is looking at him like it’s the biggest offense in the world, and everything starts to shift. How many other things has he accepted just because it was the way things were? How many other things went forgiven because it wasn’t the worst thing that could happen?

Julie turns her attention back to the wall of curtains, choosing a dark blue one to match her sheets. Steve turns to the wall too, thinking of all the times he would stare at his room and think to himself what he would change. How the smallest thing like this would have made his life better.

It hits him that he’s giving Julie a chance to do everything that he never was able to do. Change the room to what she wants. Not pressuring her to talk to him after school. Letting her take food up to her room if she doesn’t want to eat with him. Allowing her to be herself.

Steve is a lot of things when his parents are home, but himself isn’t one of them. Everything in his body shuts down with hearing a simple breath from his father, from seeing the passive glare from his mother’s eyes. He becomes quiet. Pliant to their needs and not his own. Serving them as the perfect poster boy son they wanted, not the person he became.

Him taking in Julie would infuriate his father tremendously. The daughter he pretended didn’t exist, and just wrote the check to keep everything quiet. The son who was nothing like him, and if he really looked hard, everything he hated.

There was no coming back from this, so why not just lean fully into it.

“You know,” Steve starts as they’re walking out of the store. “I think we could get away with changing the wallpaper.”

Julie gives him a confused stare. “What about what you said.”

“Well, fuck that. Fuck them. I-.” He takes a deep breath. “It’s not like they’re coming back anytime soon, and if they do, me changing the room is going to be the least of their worries. I’d rather you have a room you like coming home to than think about what they’ll say about it.”

She tilts her head to the side with a smile. “Well, if I’m getting that, you should too.”

“Yeah, maybe I should.”

. . .

Julie stands in front of the wall of paint swatches for the second time in her life, but this time is much harder than the first. It’s easy to just pick the same color that she did last time, but she can’t. Not when it wasn’t as special when she got older, and how it doesn’t fit her anymore. And there’s already so much blue in her room already, with the curtains and the sheets, she doesn’t really want it on the walls either. At least not entirely.

Steve isn’t doing much better, just staring blankly at the wall beside here. “Have any idea what you want?”

Julie shakes her head. “Not really.”

She just wants something simple. Something not too complicated, that goes with everything, and just won’t look weird. But also, not white because that never lasts that well.

“This is harder than I thought it would be,” Steve says again, breaking the silence.

Julie laughs. “Yeah, yeah it is. Wanna do a lap, think about it and come back later?”

“I can do one better, lunch?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Before leaving the store, Julie grabs a few paint cards to bring with to keep them in her mind, Steve does the same. He drives them to a local diner, the host greeting Steve by name when they enter. The server does the same when they order.

“I come here a lot after my shifts,” Steve explains after the server walks away. “Me and Robin have this thing where we come get milkshakes here if we have a really shitty day.”

“Does that happen a lot?”

Steve snorts. “More than you would think. But now I get to play the manager card so that’s nice. Especially since Keith would almost never take my side, even if I was right.”

“That sucks.” She asks him about how work has been going now that he’s done training. Them talking about it until their food comes. The conversation stills with their food, but not uncomfortably.

Halfway through her burger, Julie pulls the paint swatches out of her jacket pocket and lays them out on the table. Her eyes gravitating toward the light bluish gray that she picked up. It was just gray enough that it wasn’t too much blue all together, and it would tie into everything else nicely.

And it was just blue enough that it reminded her of her childhood room. The light blue that painted the walls since her tenth birthday, until she left. But the color is different now, like she is. Darker and older, different from the innocent girl she once was.

“What one were you thinking?” Steve asks, motioning to the paint.

Julie picks up the blue gray one and passes it to him. “That one. It would match everything.”

He nods while chewing. “Yeah, it’s nice.”

“Do you have any ideas on yours?”

Steve shoves the last bite of his burger into his mouth, wiping his hands on a napkin before pulling out his options. “I don’t really know. Nothing I like matches anything I already have. It’s just, my room is so weird. Like I have plaid wallpaper that’s mostly white, and I like that it makes it brighter, but I don’t want just white. But I also don’t really want a specific color, either.”

Julie reaches across the table and picks up the swatches he picked out. She looks over them carefully before landing on a cream color with yellow undertones. Simple, bright, and doesn’t stand out as yellow or plain white.

“How about this one?” She passes it back to him, pointing to the cream color.

He takes a second to look at it, thinking. “I kept coming back to that one in the store. Just something about it caught my eye.”

“I think you should do it, then. If you like it.”

“I think I do,” he smiles.

After paying for the food, they head back to the store. They get their respective paint cans and pick up some rollers and brushes. It’d be too late to start anything today, so they decide that tomorrow they would pull all the furniture out of the rooms and call some people over to help.

It wasn’t a lot, but it was more than Julie would have asked for. And she thinks it was more that Steve would have asked for too.

. . .

The next day, Steve wakes up excited. His room is finally going to be something that he picked, something that he liked. The plaid wallpaper would be no more and replaced by something better. And it would be worth the night on the couch to do it.

Sometimes he was happy for the plaid. When he woke up from a nightmare, vision blurry with tears, chest rising and fall with a fast pace, the plaid reminded him he was home. That he wasn’t in an underground bunker where the walls her dark grey with bright lights, and wasn’t in an alternate dimension hell space that was pure red and darkness.

But the walls held memories that he was ready to cover up. A night that changed his life forever, and a choice that haunted him for years. A view to a pool that he wishes would be free of ghosts, and a room that felt so far beyond him that it made him uncomfortable.

He’d outgrown the plaid and wanted to replace it with something brighter.

When he called Eddie and Robin to see if they wanted to help with the painting, they both ended up screaming in his ear how excited they were. And both agreed to come over this morning to help, but he knew they would do that.

Last night he had started getting his room ready. Taken down the small number of things that were on his walls and packing up the items scattering his desk and dresser in a box, placing them in his closet. Leaving the rest of the furniture to be moved this morning.

Steve gets dressed in some old clothes, an old Hawkins gym shirt and some sweatpants, before going downstairs and making some breakfast. Julie comes down a little while later and goes straight for the coffee, making herself a cup along with a few pieces of toast.

After they eat, and Julie wakes up, they head upstairs to get everything ready. Starting in Julie’s room, they unmake the bed and bring it to the laundry room, before sliding the mattress down the hall to the guest room. Julie helps Steve while he disassembles the bed by taking the pieces down the hall as he breaks it apart.

“Jesus Christ,” Julie says as they enter his room. “You weren’t kidding.”

Steve laughs, balling up his sheets and throwing them into the laundry basket. “Yeah, I wasn’t.”

They do the same thing to his room as they did to hers. Afterwards going back and pulling the furniture off the walls and into the center of the room. Then taking down the curtains and bringing them to the laundry room as well.

Steve heads down for a glass of water about the same time and Robin and Eddie arrive, the door slamming shut behind them. He calls out that he’s in the kitchen and Robin comes barreling in, almost tackling him in a hug.

“You’re changing your room,” she screams, squeezing him tight. “I am so excited for you, oh my god.”

“Let him breathe, Birdie, Jesus,” Eddie laughs.

Robin lets go of him, taking a step back. “Sorry. I’m just so excited. What color are you doing, what color is Julie doing? Is everything ready, can we get started, oh I forgot a hair tie.”

“You can see them when we go upstairs, and I’m sure I have some that you can borrow,” Steve answers her rambling questions, leading them upstairs. He grabs a hair tie from the small bowl of them that he put in the closet, handing it to Robin, and another one to Eddie as well.

Robin heads over to help Julie with her room, while Eddie stays to help Steve. Slowly, the plaid walls get covered with each layer of paint. He stares at a finished wall, proudly gleaming at his work. At his choice.

When all of the walls are painted, waiting to be dried and another coat to be applied, he looks around. Gone are the plaid walls of his childhood room, replaced by something new. Even if he’s going to move out someday, at least the days left here will make him smile.

Eddie stands next to him, leaning into his space. “I think it suits you, the color.”

“I think it does too,” Steve turns to look at Eddie, paint splattering his clothes and hair falling out of the loose bun he tied it into. Hitting him all at once, Steve’s no longer just talking about the color of his room.

“What?” Eddie asks when Steve’s face falls soft.

Steve takes a step closer to Eddie, now inches apart. “Nothing,” Steve exhales, “Just you.”

Before Eddie gets a chance to respond, Steve gently cups his face and brings their lips together. Wet paint swiping across Eddie’s cheek as Steve moves his hands back into Eddie’s hair. Eddie presses back, wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist and dropping the brush onto the plastic covered floor.

The room brightens with the afternoon sun, or maybe it just feels that way. Things shift in Steve’s mind, slotting into places that they were always meant to be. After everything he’s been through, everything he’s feared, nothing has ever felt quite this right before.

“I think you got paint in my hair,” Eddie laughs when they break apart, foreheads pressed together.

Steve laughs, “I’m sure you already had some in there.”

“I probably did.” Eddie leans in again, pressing their lips together again. Chaste and sweet, but not without the passion behind it. “I don’t want to rush you with this, but-.”

Steve shuts him up with another kiss. “I’m ready for this. I’m sorry it took me so long but, I am now.”

“Never apologize for that, not to me. You’ve been through a lot, you deserve to have a moment to process everything before jumping into two things at once.” Eddie brings his hands up to hold Steve’s wrists. “But if you’re really ready for this, then I am too.”

“I am, I really am.”

Eddie smiles, looking at Steve in a way that makes him breathless. They stand there like that until they can’t anymore, Robin coming in the room to let them know that they’re done painting. She knocks before coming in, leaving just enough time for the two of them to step apart. As if Robin wouldn’t be able to read both of them like a book with one look.

“Eddie has paint on his face,” Robin whispers as they cross the hall. “How’d that happen?”

Steve can’t help the stupid smile that breaks out on his face. “Don’t know, just got there.”

Robin snorts, bumping her shoulder against his arm. “Proud of you, dingus.”

He pushes open the door to Julie’s room, the flowers covered with blue grey paint. Julie is wiping her hands off on a cloth. She smiles at him, gesturing at the room with the happiest look on her face that he’s ever seen.

“It looks great,” he says, walking up to her. “How do you like it?”

“So much better than the pink. It’s great.” She stands there awkwardly before hugging Steve. “Thank you.”

It’s so fast, he doesn’t expect it. Standing there in shock for a moment before returning it, patting her back slightly when he does.

“You’re welcome.”

Part 9

Tag list(let me know if you want to be added or removed): @homoerotictangerine, @mugloversonly, @thesuninyaface, @imyelenasexual, @anaibis, @ilovecupcakesandtea, @brainsteddielyrotted, @jackiemonroe5512, @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @cinnamon-mushroomabomination, @lolawonsstuff, @writingandmushroomdragons, @stevesbipanic, @sierra-violet, @steddie-as-they-go, @dauntlessdiva, @mousedetective, @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner, @zombiethingy, @connected-dots-st-reblogger, @that-agender-from-pluto, @allyricas, @cheddartreets, @devondespresso, @crypticcorvidinacottage, @queenie-ofthe-void @chronicpainstevetruther, @cheddartreets, @theupsidedownrealestateagent, @acidbubblegummie, @sirsnacksalot, @l0st-strawberry, @helpimstuckposting, @strawberry-starss, @freddykicksasses, @italianwhore1, @i-threw-my-name-out-the-window, @rageagainsttheapathy, @nuggies4life, @ape31, @whimsicalwitchm, @chrissycunninghamfanblog, @michellegilligan, @hippielittlemetalhead, @bridget-malfoy-stilinski-hale, @jaytriesstuff, @confused-stripes, @faeb1tch42069, @marklee-blackmore, @hel-spawn, @genderless-spoon, @mamafaithful, @estrellami-1, @starryeyedpoet17 @i-amthepizzaman, @lilpomelito @melonmochi

[prettylonelys]

Ok I hope you are ready for this mammoth. I am going to start off by telling you some cafes to visit. Eckers in Frogner is a really pretty and does nice coffee and food. Pust, which is just across the road from Majorstuen station is another cafe with a very cool atmsophere. As I have already said before if you are looking for a chain coffee shop I would pick Kaffebrenneriet. My favorite is the one by Nationaltheatre but you will probably want to go to the one from Skam which is on Skovveien. They do the best reasonably priced coffee and you must try the pastries. It is good to know you are staying in Gamle because then I will recommend a tiny brunch place called Kumi. It has the most beautiful interior and vegetarian food but I warn you it is on the pricier side. You absolutley must go to Hotel Bristol to get hot chocolate. Inside is absolutely breathtaking and has major dark academia vibes. This is quite popular so I would recommend booking a table in advance on their website. Do not let them fool you into getting two pots of hot chocolate, one is enough for two people to have two cups each. For places to eat, I would first recommend a burrito bar called Freddy Fuego. They have a vegetarian option and lots of options which are all delicious and not badly priced. For pizza go to Villa Paradiso, there are a few of these over the city. If you want a more general Italian restaurant I would try Olivia by the fjord. Great food but more expensive. If you like Japanese food I can tell you about a tiny, tucked away restaurant called Izakaya on Olavs Plass. If you just want to buy snacks or something to cook at your airbnb I can tell you again the cheapest supermarket by far is Kiwi. Now for the thrift shops! Oslo has some amazing thrift stores and Grünnerløkka is the place you want to be. You absoltuely have to go to Robot! This is the coolest thrift shop of all in my opinion. Lots of good finds and a huge shelf of second hand sunglasses. There's also Velouria and Good Vibes Vintage. UFF is worth a look in Løkka but they have a much bigger, I think better store across the city in Prinsens Gate you should check out. The best budget friendly thrift store is Fretex. They are linked with the Salvation Army and you can get items as low as 50nok, which I looked up is about the equivilant of 7 aussie dollars. Next I've got a list of other things nice things you might like to do if you have the time. I saw you like art from your blog so I thought I'd recommend you some galleries. I mentioned before the National Gallery and Museum are free on Thursdays and the Munch Museum is free on Wednesdays from 6pm to 9pm. Astrup Fearnley is the only one without a free day. But I also have some smaller, lesser known galleries for you. It is worth checking out whether Peder Lund, Galleri Riis or Galleri Golsa have any exhibitons on while you are there. They are all free and very small, only a few rooms each. Galleri Golsa seems confusing to find but it is opposite a gym carpark and the door is heavy to open but I promise you're in the right place. They are well worth visitng. I would also recommend visiting a huge lake outside the city called Songsvaan. I know it looks far on a map but it only takes 20 minutes on one line and is still within your zone 1 ticket. There is something so magical about walking round the lake on a winter evening with it frozen over and snow covering the trees. They even have a little cafe. You will notice the increase in cold so you definitely want to your wool innersoles and tights under trousers here, I would recommend that if you venture out of the city anywhere or when it gets dark. If you like hiking and it's not too icy walk up Grefsenkollen and you will get a view over the entire city. In my opinion this is better than the view from Holmenkollen. Since you are staying in Gamle I will also recommend visiting Ekerberg woods which is a ten minute tram ride away and has a scultpure park and also the Botanisk Hage at Tøyen. It is small but pretty inside and guaranteed to be warm. I hope this is a help to you!

oh my god thank you so much, i know this must have taken a lot of time and effort to put together so i hope you know i really appreciate it!!!! these all sound wonderful i am about to start making notes literally right after i finish typing this xx

[sasquatchboobs]

Just venting:

I have been trying to invest in more natural fabric clothing, so when I go to the thrift store I prioritize pieces that are wool, linen, silk, cotton, etc. I've been trying to make my secondhand clothes last longer, so I've been investing more time into laundry as well. I bought some Woolite to be able to hand wash some more delicate pieces, and today I was going to do that. I go to grab the bottle of Woolite and... It's almost empty. I haven't used it once since I bought it about 3 weeks ago, and yet there is maybe one capful left in the bottle. Did it leak? Fall over and spill somewhere?

Nope. Guess who decided to grab the bottle without reading it and pour like a cup into his laundry every time, in addition to the usual pod of detergent??? Maybe I could laugh it off if he admitted it and apologized. But I asked if he used the Woolite, and he got all defensive and said "like barely once, a few months ago, why are you freaking out it's just detergent" (obviously a lie, both the "barely once" part and the "a few months ago" part, as the first time we've had any Woolite in the house is when I bought it 3 weeks ago).

I'm just tired. Tired of him treating anything I buy like it's his, while being super protective over "his" shit. Tired of him getting defensive when I non judgementally ask a question. Tired of him assuming I don't know when he's lying to me.

Like, he literally cut me off from smoking any of "his" weed, that I would give him money for, because he didn't think I "appreciated" how much he was spending on it. Turns out he can easily still smoke $300 a month by himself while I'm out here spending like $80-100 a month on my own shit. But will he ever admit that? Of course not.

Oh and let's not forget his precious computer. Once I accidentally stepped on a cord (dozens of which crisscross the floor haphazardly) and it powered off his computer (it had already been asleep). He flipped his shit and was SO worried about it, telling me, "you have to be more careful, that's like $5000 worth of equipment that you could have ruined" and I felt really bad. But then I realized,

1. Why is the power cord, and others, crossing the middle of the room where it's a tripping hazard in the first place, and

2. He wouldn't even spend $500, a tenth of that, on the engagement ring I wanted.

My ring is a no-cost, dinged-up, hand-me-down from his POS dad that his mom didn't want and never got around to pawning. It's missing stones and doesn't fit me; but would he spend $50, just 1% of his computer to at least get it resized so I could wear it without it falling off? Nope. Would he pay to replace the missing stones so I wouldn't have to be embarrassed to show it to people? Nope. I guess I'm not worth even a small fraction of what he'll pay for his computer, which he spends more time with than me.

I feel like he says I'm his #1 priority, the most important thing in his life, but his actions don't back those words up. I think I'm just convenient to have around, to talk at, and to pester for sex before going back to his games and ignoring me.

[garbagevanfleet]

Brightest Blue (series)

SURPRISE VALENTINE’S DAY UPDATE!

PART FIVE

Pairing: Josh x reader Warnings: flirting, alcohol, mentions of smoking  Summary:  Things are changing. New state. New school. New roommate. You just pray things are going to click into place. Notes: This chapter is so cute to me. Pajama party anyone?  As always, thanks to the actual best editor alive today, @lantern-inthenight​ 

MASTER POST

taglist: @valleyd0ll​ @satingrass-maidensfair​ @guitarfingers​ @thebohemianpenguin​ @peaceisouranthem​ @oblvions​ @hansonobsessed​

@bigblack-catattack​ @myownparadise96​ @lara-gvf​ @anditsmywholeheart​ @kill-fear-the-power-of-lies​

It was undeniable that winter was on its way. The weekend brought predictions for temps in the lower 40’s and, even in the warmth of the apartment, you felt perpetually chilled.

Kate had messaged you late on Friday asking if you wanted to get coffee Saturday morning, and you had excitedly agreed to meet her at the local cafe called The Daily Grind (which, admittedly, you chose because of the cute name).

She had seen you bundled up like a burrito in two sweatshirts and a long-sleeved tee underneath and laughed, but you explained to her how you had never really been in temps this cold before.

Your fingers were wrapped as tight as they could go around your mocha as you watched her sip her black coffee, her maroon-painted lips leaving a mark on the white mug.

“When we’re done here, would you want to go with me to a thrift store? My mom sent some money for me to buy warmer clothes when she saw the weather for this area,” you said with an excited tone. “She’s afraid I’m going to get pneumonia.”

She hummed in an interested tone. “That sounds like fun. Which one do you wanna check out first?”

“You’ve been around here longer, so I’ll let you pick.”

“The one on Maple is the one where all the rich sorority girls go, so I bet you’d find some good stuff there,” she informed, tapping her nails against the ceramic.

You beamed a smile, relishing in the sunny feeling that only spending time with other girls gave you. “You wanna drive or me?”

+++

“Do you think if I buy a pair of jeans a size too big I could get away with wearing leggings under them?” you asked, flicking through the hangers. “I feel like the wind here cuts right through my denim.”

“Maybe two sizes bigger so you can wear sweatpants.” You knew she was teasing you by her playful tone, but that was actually kind of brilliant, you thought. “You should try this one.”

You had to get onto your tippy toes to see her over the long rack. She was holding up a soft-looking sweater, multicolored horizontal stripes running across the fabric. The color pattern reminded you of Twiggy from the ’60s.

“It’s cute,” you agreed, taking it as she handed it to you. By the time you were ready for a fitting room, you had a pile of things and the employee on duty looked not very excited to have to put them back when you were done, but luckily she wouldn’t have to. Pretty much everything fit perfectly.

You were shocked to see the total - where you were from, all of that would have been well over $60, even second hand, but you ended up forking over a measly $35, and you figured most of that total was from the nearly new jacket you had found.

As she was driving you back to the coffee shop, you exclaimed giddily, “I’m so excited to have warm clothes. Now Josh can finally have his sweatshirts back.”

She looked over at you surprisedly. “That’s Josh’s?”

“Yeah, he gave me three and I’ve been alternating between them.” You reached forward to turn her radio up a notch, Janet Jackson’s “All For You” perking your ears.

“Are you sure he wants them back?” she asked, giving you a coy smile that you didn’t understand.

You adopted a puzzled look. If she was alluding to something, it was lost on you. “Why wouldn’t he? They’re still perfectly fine - I was even careful not to get my perfume on them.”

Now stopped at a red light, she turned to give you a squinty look until she seemed to realize you were serious. “Nevermind,” she relented, smirking forward at the road.

When you got back home, Josh was gone. You shot him a message inquiring as to his whereabouts and started snipping the tags off of your new clothes with a pair of pruning shears. You were exponentially grateful for the fact that the washing machine in your building had been repaired - and with a shocking amount of haste too.

The smell of the laundry room down the hall was pleasant. It reminded you of the times when your mom would wash all the towels and blankets in the house, and that was a job that either required a laundromat, or an entire day switching loads.

At the end of your shopping day, you made out with three new sweaters, two pairs of thicker jeans, a new coat, a winter hat, and an actual pajama set, which would be infinitely warmer than the shorts and tank top you’d moved in with.

You cheerily popped your new clothes into the washer, along with a tide pod, some of your bras and underwear, and closed the lid.

Around 1 pm, Josh still wasn’t back and hadn’t replied, so you decided it was a perfect time to work on some self-care. The yoga mat you had packed had yet to see the light of day in Michigan, so you dug it out, unrolled it in your room, changed into some easy clothing, and pulled up a beginner’s tutorial on your phone. By the thirty-minute mark, you were sweating and tired, but the stretch in your muscles was oddly pleasant on top of the discomfort, so you pushed yourself to keep going until the video was done. The cute blonde running the tutorial suggested you take some time in your cool down to look inward, as she thought that was a big part of yoga. So, you laid there on the mat, staring up at your ceiling for a good, long while, just taking time to reflect and enjoying it.

Your room, and the whole apartment really, had become home so quickly. You hadn’t ever had the opportunity to test the theory before, but you had always imagined that leaving home would make you feel out of place.

But you didn’t.

Sure, you missed home in the way that any human that came from a loving and supporting family would, but you were expecting to ache for it. You had taken a long time in your backyard and in your favorite spot back home, just so you could have a final fix, but all that was to you now was a fond memory.

After a few moments of being alone with your thoughts, you were going to get up and take a shower, but you had decided to postpone it. While you were staring up at the ceiling, you realized that there was a lot of unused space that the sun hit toward the top of the room. Wasted sun was a felony in your book. You spent about an hour pulling down your curtain rod, removing the fabric, and replacing it with hanging pots of all sizes and lengths.

Your string of hearts, your pearls, your golden pothos - the thought of them being the first thing you saw when you opened your eyes in the morning was one that made you feel sentimental. You’d just have to be careful with watering.

Once you were satisfied with the placements, you made your way to the bathroom. As you waited for the shower to heat up to a tolerable temperature, you took some time to pluck any stray hairs around your eyebrows and gently brush the knots out of your hair. Self-care had always felt like a long term investment to you - one well worth it.

The warm spray of the shower felt amazing on your tired muscles, so you took your sweet time getting clean and enjoying it, then blow-drying your hair on low heat when you were finished. After, you excitedly got out your new pajama set, clipped the tags, and put it on.

Shortly thereafter, you heard a key slip into the lock on the front door. You were cuddled up on the couch, enjoying the feel of the soft fabric on your freshly scrubbed skin as you watched through the complete second season of the Simpsons, popcorn in your lap.

When he stepped into the house, he raised his eyebrows at you, surveying the area.

“What?” you asked, giving him a confused look.

“Just looking for the books and the homework.” You rolled your eyes at him before he continued on with, “I just always assumed that when I wasn’t around, you were doing boring, adult things.”

You gave him a playful shrug as you gestured to the noticeably book free space around you.

He squinted at you suddenly. “Are you in your pajamas? You know it’s like 3:30 in the afternoon, right?”

“They’re new!” you quipped. “And I was excited to wear them. You don’t have to be jealous, you could go get yours on and join me.”

The offer seemed to be tempting him. “I have a better idea. How about you go change, and we’re going to go to a party tonight.”

You scowled at him, crossing your arms over your chest. “Are you crazy? I’m already in my pajamas. I’ve already taken my bra off! Once it’s off, it doesn’t go back on.”

He laughed, loud and unabashed, showing you all of his teeth. The sound made your cheeks flush.

“C’mon, I bet Kate will be there,” he reasoned. “And I obviously will be. And I’m positive Jake will be too. This might be your chance to get them to hook up.”

You bit your bottom lip in consideration. “The timing would be kinda perfect; she could have the whole day tomorrow to process it and then tell me about it on Monday.”

He was smirking at you when you looked back up at him, making you tuck your hair behind your ear anxiously. “If I come, do you promise not to leave me alone?”

He nodded at you confidently. “I will not leave you.”

The very first thing you did was message Kate. It was vital that she was there, just in case Josh got too drunk to remember his promise. You didn’t have a hard time socializing, per-say. You were just nervous about your first real social event here.

Josh was right though - it wouldn’t kill you to make some more friends.

When you were in the bathroom brushing your teeth, Kate messaged back saying that she would never miss getting to see you drunk, and you didn’t have the heart to tell her you had to drive, so you opted to leave that part out. You worked on picking out a good, sensible outfit and took your time to put on makeup again. Admittedly, it felt kind of nice - you used to wear a full beat all the time, but somewhere along the line it started to feel tedious, which is something you never wanted any of your favorite things to feel, so you put the whole idea of it on the shelf for a while.

When you finally emerged from your room around 8, Josh was sitting on the kitchen counter, phone in his hands as he furiously typed out a message. You listened to the pleasant sound of his fingers tapping on the glass screen for a moment before speaking.

“Who are you messaging?” you asked, but it didn’t grab his full attention right away.

“Just one of the other theater guys,” he said through a near sneer. The only time you ever saw him looking distressed was when it came to his production. “Trying to tell me what I can and can’t do with my own production-”

When he looked up at you the rest of his thoughts seemed to escape him, all the emotion in his face and posture crumbling away.

You folded your hands together, giving him a concerned look. “Are you okay?”

He tucked his phone into the pocket of his pants, abandoning whatever he had been so intent on doing just seconds ago.

“Yeah, I just haven’t ever seen you dressed up before.”

The extra attention made you slump back against the hallway wall, giving him a nervous grimace. Through pursed lips, you asked, “Is it too much?”

His eyes popped open, along with his mouth. It took him a moment to speak actual words - like he wanted to say a lot all at once. “What? No! I’m just stupid,” he assured, running his fingers through his curls. “It took my brain a moment to process.”

You gave him a forgiving smile, opening the fridge and grabbing out a carton of juice. He watched as you took a swig, letting you swallow before asking, “Do you want me to drive?”

Your eyebrows raised in surprise, finger swiping away a stray droplet. “Can you?”

“Drive?” he laughed. “Yes. I can drive.”

“Legally?” you pressed, handing over the carton to him when you caught him eyeing it. He took a drink right from the spout as well, giving you a wink that made you lovingly roll your eyes.

+++

You two seemed to unintentionally match. He was in a pair of khaki pants, a black long-sleeved shirt, and a denim jacket on top. You were positive he was going to freeze solid one of these days because he always seemed to be way underdressed for the weather.

As you went to get out of the car, he stopped you with a touch to your knee. “You should take off your jacket and hat and leave them in here; I wouldn’t ever trust leaving them unattended at a party.” He paused before speaking again. “Not that anyone would necessarily steal them, just that people get drunk and think stuff is theirs.”

“Like you did with the wallet?” you teased, making him rub at the back of his neck.

“Yes,” he said pointedly through a grin. “Like that.”

He held the sleeve of your jacket as you shrugged out of it, abandoning it into the back seat. You took just a second to mourn the fact that it would be cold when you went to put it back on.

In the rearview mirror, you fixed your hair, having been mussed by the removal of your hat, and then stepped out. He ushered you along first, reaching past you and pushing the door open for you when you had reached it. The music hit you like a wall, loud and energetic - followed quickly by the smell of alcohol. A cloud of smoke hung subtly near the ceiling, giving the room an air of mystery. You realized you hadn’t made a move to enter the house when you felt his hand on the middle of your back.

“Everything okay?” he asked, just above the volume of the music. You nodded, feeling silly for holding him up, and stepped inside.

People were moving to the music like blood reacting to a heartbeat, swaying around to the rhythms all in a pleasant unison. The scene was oddly hypnotic as the colors danced around.

The second that people could see Josh behind you, they started calling his name. Your stomach lurched for a second, scared that he was either going to leave you or drag you to a group that you didn’t know, but he waved them off instead.

“I’ll catch you guys in a minute,” he shouted through a grin so charming they couldn’t seem to muster up a shred of annoyance toward him. Then, he spoke the next part right against your ear. “You want a drink?”

“Just one,” you agreed with a nod, shivering ever so slightly as his breath hit your cheek.

In the kitchen, huddled around an island covered by bottles, was a group of people, all very visibly drunk. One of those people was Kate, dressed in a crisp looking pair of jeans, a white crop top, and a red checkered flannel shirt, left open to expose her midriff.

When she caught sight of you, she gave you a big, toothy smile. The sharp fringe of her bob moved just enough to sometimes expose a pair of gold disk earrings.

“Need a drink?” she asked as she broke away from the rest of the crowd. “I’ll make it for you.”

You put your hands up, laughing at her enthusiasm. “I’m going to let Josh make it for me,” you informed, knowing full well that she would make it strong enough to get you drunk and keep you in that state for the whole evening.

The one that Josh ended up making for you was, undeniably, a rum and Coke. Not your most favorite thing ever, but then again, this one was mostly just Coke. You made a mental note to thank him for being so considerate.

The three of you ended up in the living room, right in the throws of all the action. You’d been to a few parties back home, but this felt kind of different. Back home, it was always hot, so the parties usually spilled out into the yard in all directions. Come to think of it, you’d never been to a party where the guests weren’t making prominent use of the pool. But here everyone was packed in tightly, making a large house feel tiny.

Kate found you all a nice little corner with a love seat and some kind of weird puff you think you were meant to put your feet on. Settling in there meant you’d have to share the space with a couple of other people, but it felt worth it to not be standing in the middle of the room. Being out in the open made you feel nervous - like you were being circled by sharks.

The songs changed, but the beat seemed to stay pretty much the same, making it easy for the time to slip by without your acknowledgment. By the time you checked your watch, it was nearly eleven.

True to his word, Josh didn’t leave your side the whole night. People kept popping in and out to get a word with him. You couldn’t hear them well because he was sat across from you, but he was laughing quite a bit. Some of it looked kind of forced, but most of it seemed genuine - like he was actually having a nice time.

It wasn’t until you were close to getting ready to leave that you saw Jake making his way down the stairs, one hand on the wooden railing to steady himself and the other wrapped around a red cup. You flashed him a smile when his eyes landed on you, and he gave you one back, giving you a feather-light punch to your shoulder when he reached you.

“Move over,” he demanded in Josh’s direction, sitting nearly on top of him on the couch, with only light complaints from his twin.

“You smell like sex,” Josh said through a fake grimace, pressing his elbow into Jake’s ribs.

“Can’t imagine why,” Jake responded with a smirk, lifting the cup to his lips as you giggled at him.

The realization struck you as his eyes landed on Kate next. “Oh, Jake, this is my friend Kate. Kate, Jake Kiszka.”

She reached out and took his hand to shake and at the same moment, Josh laid his hand on your leg and through a grin, asked, “Should we take off?”

You laughed, giving him a nod.

“Kathrine, Jacob,” Josh started, clapping his hands together in front of him. “We are leaving. See you guys soon?”

“We should actually get tacos,” Kate stated seriously to the group as a whole, and then just to Josh said, “And my name is Kathleen.”

[lovelyirony]

Hi! “If I fail, I’ll fall apart/Maybe it is all a test/because I feel like I’m the worst / so I always act like I’m the best” -Oh No! This is one of my favorite lyrics ever, and I'd really like to see what you bring out of it :) You're amazing, ily! 💞

what if maria had more of an effect on tony’s upbringing than most? howard’s still a dick but make it funny

Tony has known he was probably not the best human on earth ever since he was five and his dad made a bigger deal out of a dead man’s birthday than his own. 

At age five, you don’t really know a lot about the world yet. There were about two things that Tony didn’t know that he wishes he did know: 

1.) The word “fuck.” It would have helped with a lot of his situations. 

2.) The concept of jealousy. He probably could have gone to a child therapist or some shit, he’s not sure if those even existed back then, or if his parents would have even let him go. 

(After all, he’s supposed to be their perfect little boy, just the right amount of precocious and the other amount being something like genius or respectability.) 

It is actually his mother who takes the reins on his life. Howard has effect, he has huge effects. 

Maria is a socialite who absolutely refuses to let her son succumb to Howard’s devil-may-care attitude that he’s so infamous for. Her son is going to be well-mannered, respectable, and know exactly how to treat a lady of high social standing. 

This involves training at a young age. Six would be a fine age. 

It’s not Howard who sends him to boarding schools, it’s Maria. She ensures that he goes to the finest schools available, most abroad in Europe. She trains him out of the American accent, into something a bit more refined. 

He spends summers learning different languages and different skills. He learns how to fence by the time he’s ten, and becomes quite proficient at it. 

She quizzes him on established families, up-and-coming families, and never keeps him far from her sight. 

Anthony Stark is not going to be a wild-child, she decides. 

-

Anthony isn’t, for the most part. Sure, he usually stays up past what is acceptable for the night to work on some mechanic stuff and uses the word “damn” a bit too much for his mother’s liking, but that’s the reason make-up and apologies were invented. 

He follows rules and is known to smile like his mother and enjoy listening to quartets play out in the open air during the summer months. He travels to Europe and participates in various activities and is the talk of many socialites who eagerly await his arrival. 

He’s a portrait, holding still for all’s approval, and he’s not quite sure how to move. 

That’s troublesome, he thinks. 

The problem is this: Anthony Stark doesn’t have any interests outside what is required. He loves working on inventions, and they are necessary for the company to survive, but his father hates any robotic invention he pushes for, and mother thinks that if he tells people he’s rather fond of AC/DC then he’s a plague to society and will be shunned. 

(He doesn’t say it to her face but they haven’t shunned Sunset yet, and she’s a whole world of problems, so rock music is the least of their problems.) 

There is one thing that he pushes for: university in the United States. He’s been traveling to Europe since he was a child, and he honestly needs to do something for himself. 

Maria is not pleased. 

“So after I sacrifice so much for you, this is how you repay me?” she asks him over dinner. 

He places his fork to the correct side. 

“Yes. This is how I am repaying you. By getting a perfectly respectable college degree from a critically-acclaimed university that anyone would be lucky to attend. Not to mention it might reflect badly on Stark Industries if I don’t go to an American college. Do I not trust American institutions to run an American business?” 

“You shouldn’t.” 

Anthony laughs. 

“Mother, they cannot teach me anything that Europe can’t. Let me go to college in the United States. Please.” 

“No.” 

- 

It takes Howard to convince her, and a.) Howard doesn’t even like Anthony that much, and b.) he also doesn’t like his wife that much. 

“He’s going to a damned college here, Maria. We don’t need him to go to any more of that fancy bullshit you call school over there.” 

“Fancy bullshit, Howard?! Bullshit?! You mean what has gotten him this far in life and will make him a better man of social standing than you?” 

“My god, is social standing all that matters to you? What are your little friends going to do, choke on their silver spoons when they find out that your son is going to an American college?” 

- 

Jarvis also convinces her. 

“It will be easier to monitor his progress from a shorter distance,” he advises. “And you can visit frequently.” 

Anthony gives him a very dirty look. Apparently, he wasn’t supposed to mention that. 

Oops. 

-

But, Anthony gets his way. He’s going to MIT, and he has a roommate. 

(Okay, so mother doesn’t know that. But he supposes she will if she ever visits. Or maybe not considering if Tony can successfully convince his roommate to “disappear” for at least a day.) 

-

Rhodey does not give a singular shit about high society anything or anyone. Anthony Stark is a name he registers, but doesn’t recognize. 

“Anthony’s a mouthful,” he says a week into their cohabitation. “You have a nickname or something?” 

“Ah...no? I mean, not yet,” Anthony says. 

“How do you feel about Tony?” 

“I...I suppose that that is alright.” 

“Are you from Europe?” 

“No, from New York.” 

“Well holy shit, you sure as fuck don’t sound like it.” 

- 

Anthony--well, Tony now--learns quite a bit about American schooling and what he’s actually supposed to be doing to pass off as normal. 

Rhodey (yeah he got a nickname that ended in ‘y’ too, Tony said he wouldn’t be the only one) takes him to the thrift store and tells him to pick out some clothes. 

“...there’s a shirt that’s advertising a restaurant from Montana.” 

“And? Does it look hilarious?” 

“Is that the point of this?” 

“Fashion is supposed to make you like what you’re wearing or like yourself. I swear if you say that those boring black suits make you feel better about yourself, I will be dragging you to any therapist that will take us for at least five dollars.” 

“Five dollars?” 

“Maybe less if I can negotiate.” 

“Hey!” 

- 

Tony learns how to have fun. He loves it. 

Rhodey makes him go to record stores and find the bargain bin, and they play the warped records and laugh as voices go up and down in pitch. Tony blasts Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden until the RA begs him to go to bed and Rhodey throws all of his pillows off of his bed. 

In return, Tony teaches Rhodey how to read other’s facial expressions, dress for any occasion and be the best-looking there, as well as avoiding any sort of conflict by bringing up past embarrassments. 

“Are you serious about the color of my shoe affecting my social standing?” Rhodey asks, trying to shove his foot into a shoe that was a brown color that Tony had described as a “golden mahogany.” 

“Yes, I’m dead serious.” 

“No fucking wonder everyone says eat the rich all of you are so fucking pretentious. It’s brown, Tony.” 

“Tell that to any high society woman over fifty.” 

“I will.” 

- 

As it turns out, he ends up doing it much sooner than anticipated. 

Tony’s parents come to visit. 

They call him Anthony. Which is gross. Rhodey hasn’t used the name “Anthony” in about six months. 

“I wasn’t aware that you were his roommate,” his mother says. 

“Well, here I am,” Rhodey says. “Name’s also on the information they sent out to the parents about the living situations.” 

Tony tenses as his parents brush off the obvious comment on how little they actually know about his situation and move right into the room. 

Maria stops at the huge poster of a rock band. 

“I assume that this is...James’?” 

“No,” he says timidly. “It’s...it’s mine. Their use of movement on the guitar strings-” 

“Take it down,” Maria demands. “It’s unsightly.” 

“Oh give the kid a break,” Howard says tiredly. “For once he’s not listening to you talk about the merits of paisley prints.” 

“I’m training our son for a more successful life than yours,” Maria hisses. “Of course, you’d have to stay away from your friend Jack to understand that.” 

“Rhodey, leave,” Tony says. “Trust me, it gets messier from here.” 

He does think about it. How easy it would be to walk out and check in with a couple of his other friends and talk about how crazy Tony’s parents are. How he could check back in near dinner time and then Tony could tell him all about how terribly it went. 

But Tony already looks terrible, and he’s doing that weird thing with his hands where he wrings them and then remembers he’s not supposed to wring them and makes it worse. 

“No,” Rhodey says. “I am staying until the bitter end. Who knows? Maybe I can give your mom a heart attack when I ask her the difference between kelly and forest green.” 

Tony grins. 

“You can leave any time, it’s about to get...interesting.” 

- 

Tony’s family is quite dysfunctional. They can put on a good front in public, for what it’s worth. 

Howard is impressed that Rhodey’s planning on going into the Air Force and then talks about Captain America for a lot of the dinner. Rhodey is very uncomfortable and then asks about business and Maria rolls her eyes and orders another glass of wine. 

After Howard finishes up talking about some contract and making vague threats against businesses that Rhodey thinks might actually be in trouble, it’s Maria’s turn. 

“So, Rhodey, where is your family from?” 

“We live in the Boston area,” Rhodey answers. 

“And what do your parents do?” 

“Dad works as a consultant for a local construction company, and my mom works as a high school history teacher. They both like their jobs.” 

“Hm,” Maria remarks, and it’s so light and casual and yet so cutting. Tony can see how Rhodey squirms, and he can’t just let it stand. 

It’s one thing for Maria to cut her own son down until he’s nothing. Still fucked up, but Tony can handle it. He’s been handling it for years. 

“Rhodey, how did your mom come to want to know she liked teaching?” Tony asks. “That sounds like it could be really hard to figure out.” 

“Oh, well it all started when she was in high school and wanted to change how one of her teachers treated students. It was a really inspiring moment for her.” 

“That sounds really cool,” Tony says. “What does she like most about her job?” 

“Probably the kids,” Rhodey says. 

The conversation carries on about Rhodey’s family until their dinner arrives and his mother manages to cut in with more questions. 

“So, what else does your mother do?” 

“She volunteers at the local food kitchen and helps some of the younger kids at the after-school program,” Rhodey answers. “She also makes a mean Thanksgiving turkey.” 

“Would you look at that,” Tony says. “Mrs. Rhodes sounds like a fine cook, I wish I could say the same for you, mother.” 

“Oh?” 

Howard actually laughs at that as he signs for the bill. 

“The kid is right, Maria. At some points I think your kitchen is only used for decoration.” 

“Oh, and you know how to cook, Mr. Stark?” Maria asks, raising her eyebrows. “I’d love to see you make anything other than coffee.” 

“I’ll make toast.” 

Rhodey laughs, and so does Tony. 

“Ready to go?” Tony asks, and part of it is a way to get away from an isolated conversation, and part of it is to make his parents leave for their hotel room sooner. 

“Tony, I want to have a talk with you before we retire for the night,” Maria says, and Tony tenses up. 

Rhodey can’t protect him from that, and he squeezes Tony’s hand as they walk behind his parents. 

“It’ll be okay,” he whispers. 

“Maybe,” Tony says. “Maybe.” 

- 

Rhodey goes into their building, and Howard waits in the car. He nods to Tony on his way out. 

“You’ve...changed,” mother says. 

“Well, that’s how humanity goes,” Tony says dryly, looking anywhere but her eyes. 

“Rock music? These snappish remarks towards your own mother? I don’t know if this college was such a good idea.” 

“It is,” Tony says. “I just...learned new things and incorporated it into my life. Nothing the matter with that.” 

“Nothing wrong with that?” Maria reiterates, surprised look on her face. “Rock music is for other people, you know things that others don’t know! You can perform violin and piano, you don’t have to listen to the personal manifestation of a headache!” 

“And if I like that headache?!” Tony asks. “If I like something that’s outside of what you approve, why so angry about it? Is it because you finally can’t control every single aspect about my identity? Is it because I’m not like your perfect little toy that you can make walk and talk how you like?” 

“You know it’s not that.” 

“Isn’t it?” Tony asks. “Because you want me to change every single interest that I’ve found I like by myself. I bet you want me to listen to Bach for fun.” 

“I do not want you to change from who you are,” Maria says. “You have eaten at the finest restaurants in the world and now you brag about making something called ramen in a microwave. A microwave?!” 

“A surprising amount of families in America have them,” Tony says. “And I’m a college student! I’m supposed to eat crappy food and then laugh about it in twenty years!” 

Maria turns red, and her lips screw up into a tight line. 

“I don’t think you should be here,” Maria says. “You’re forgetting your place. Your roommate is...” 

“My roommate is what,” Tony starts, glaring at her. “My roommate is what, mother? You want to honestly finish that sentence?” 

“He’s not good enough!” she yells at him. “You are a Stark!” 

Tony stares at her for a moment. And then another moment. 

“Leave,” he says. “Get the hell out of here.” 

“You don’t tell me-” 

“I do,” Tony says, using his full height to his advantage. “You can tell me how many times I’ve fucked up as many times as you want, but you never talk about James that way ever again.” 

He twists on his heel, forcefully opening the door to the dormitory and not once looking back. 

- 

Rhodey finds Tony back in his room when he gets back from getting ready for the night, and Tony is clutching a pillow and laying face down on the bed. 

“You know, you’ll have to turn over eventually to get some fresh air.” 

“Leave me to die, Rhodey. Oh my god.” 

“That bad?” 

“That bad. She’s probably going to try and put me in a prestigious college or some shit.” 

“Oof. Wanna fake your death and run away?” 

“Please.” 

“Well, too bad. I have a test next week, and you need to do your poetry notes.” 

“But poetry sucks.” 

“It only sucks because you don’t like modern poetry, suck it up and pull it out of your ass or something.” 

“Ugh, fine.” 

- 

Maria is trying very hard to get her son away from MIT and towards a fancy school in Europe. She doesn’t even care where, just away from his roommate and his classic rock posters and the dormitory. Anthony needs an environment where he can focus on networking, meeting more people. 

Howard says no. 

He can’t even bother to remember her son’s birthday, and he says “no.” 

“We need Anthony to go to an American school, and nothing is better besides maybe Cal Tech, and he’ll have to finish another year of college and Hammer Industries can use that as a sign of an unsteady heir.” 

“Well then get rid of his roommate.” 

“I’m not doing that, you’re asking for a PR death sentence.” 

“He’s a bad influence.” 

“No he’s not,” Howard says tiredly. “The kid is finally standing up for himself, and you hate that.” 

“I don’t hate that he can be his own person.” 

“You just wish he were his own person under your specifications,” Howard drawls. “He’s staying at MIT, that’s final.” 

“Hmph.” 

Howard rolls his eyes. 

“Go back to planning whatever charity gala you’re hosting this week, honey. I’m sure things will be fine.” 

Maria doesn’t speak against her husband, just fumes and decides she’s going to try to get Jarvis’ opinion. 

-

Edwin is also a flat no. 

“He will not forgive you if you do this,” he says, pouring her tea and adding in one sugar cube. “He loves his school, he talks about it all the time.” 

“And what, he calls you?” 

Edwin Jarvis realizes he shouldn’t have mentioned this. 

“At times, madam. At times. Will that be all?” 

“...that will be all.” 

Jarvis does bring up a good point. Besides her, of course, he knows Anthony best, even if he does keep calling him Tony. Anthony will grow out of that nickname soon enough. 

She has hope for her boy. He will most likely grow out of this silly little phase in life and finally appreciate her lessons. 

- 

Tony Stark doesn’t. 

Well, he learns her lessons. Can appreciate some of them and how much he hates that he uses them. 

But he learns a far more important lesson from Rhodey, and it shapes everything: 

“You’re your own person, and you’re far better as your own person,” Rhodey says. “I wanted to kick the shit out of you when we first lived together.” 

“You did?” 

“Of course I did!” Rhodey explains, gesturing with his coffee mug and getting yet another stain on the pillow. (Laundry again. Ugh.) “You talked like you were from a movie from the forties, it sucked.” 

“Oh, you mean the transatlantic accent?” 

“It’s pretentious, just ditch it. You’re interesting enough to listen to on your own. I listen to you talk about how much you hate Picasso sculpture, don’t I?” 

“You do,” Tony admits. 

“So then be yourself. Use what your mom taught you sometimes, but otherwise don’t.” 

“You sure?” 

“Of course I’m sure, I’m a fucking genius.” 

Tony snorts. 

“Okay, Mr. ‘I Forgot to Run the Dishes Again.’”

“I already said I was sorry!” 

-

Tony takes Rhodey’s advice into account when he walks into any board room. He wears the worst possible shoes with every single suit, usually uses all sorts of cultural references that fly over the old board members’ heads. 

He does things his way. It’s unconventional, it’s unpredictable, and it earns him a reputation. 

He’s in an interview in a suit and patterned tie (patterned with tiny robots), and the woman is smiling in a plastic way on the other side. 

“Now, a lot of people are saying you’re taking the business world by storm with your unconventional methods and personality. What helped you formulate this, your father?” 

“Oh god no,” Tony says, laughing. “He’d probably curse me to hell and back for even wearing this tie. My mother would drag me back down to hell again for this.” 

“Then who helped you with this?” 

“Rhodey, who else?” Tony asks. “He always gives the best advice, even if I’ll deny that about fifteen minutes later. He really is the reason that I’m who I am today.” 

“Seems like a great guy.” 

“He is. He always is,” Tony says with a grin. “Except, of course, when he doesn’t fold his laundry, that bastard.” 

The interviewer laughs and moves on, but Tony smiles to himself. 

He doesn’t have to be the best, he just has to be Rhodey’s. That’s all that matters. 

[spicycreativity]

Howl - Chapter 1

Rating: Teen

Fic Content Warnings: Blood, injury, suggestive content, alcohol use

Characters: All

Pairing: Analogical, background Moceit because apparently I can't help myself

Add'l Notes: dw if you don't know what a loup-garou is or how the lore works; all is explained in the story / Have I ever been to Louisiana? No 💕Did I write an entire story set in rural-ish Cajun Louisiana anyway because I hate myself? Yes 💕 / If you're from Louisiana and noticed any screw-ups, pls correct me so I can fix it

It also comes with a playlist! For ambience, not necessarily for the lyrics

Summary:

Two things happen to Virgil Landry on Halloween:

1) Logan Doucet, his longtime friend and slightly-less-longtime crush, asks him out

2) He becomes cursed to spend his nights as a half-man, half-wolf monster: a loup-garou

Despite his new affliction, Virgil strives for normalcy all the way up until he can't anymore and everything falls apart.

The floorboards creaked in their familiar pattern as Virgil paced over them, his feet sliding around awkwardly in his over-the-knee boots. He was supposed to meet Logan alone in an hour, an hour! His heart thumped painfully under his ribs. What did Logan want?

Virgil yanked his phone out of his pocket to re-read the message for the 85th time, ignoring a few new messages in his assorted group chats:

Logan: If it's not inconvenient, could you meet me early at the Plaza tonight? Maybe 6:30?

Virgil: yeah sure 

Virgil: everything OK?

Logan: Yes :-)

What did it mean? Was everything okay? Or was Logan just lying to make him feel better? Because if so, it wasn't working. Virgil ran his hands through his hair, careful not to smudge his makeup. It had taken him an hour and a half to perfect his vampire makeup in the mirror and he didn't want to risk messing it up.

With a sigh that turned into a groan, Virgil threw himself down on his couch. It made the walls rattle, nearly displacing a few trinkets on his crappy, rickety shelves. He heard a tell-tale scrape above his head and knew that his favorite painting had gone crooked again. God, this place was a wreck-- Just like Virgil. He made a mental note to ask Patton for help patching up the leaky roof. It was as good a time as any, as they were well out of rainy season, but it did seem a little rude. What was he even supposed to say? Hey, Patton, I know carpentry is literally what you do for a living, but could you help me for free since I'm broke and sad? Thanks, bud. Yeah, right. He sighed again and tugged at his medallion, a rusted old thing with a glass gem in the center. He had picked it up from a thrift store months earlier in anticipation of Halloween, but maybe he should have made some effort to restore it. It smelled strongly of rust and decay and felt terrible between his fingers, all oily and sticky.

So far, the only saving grace of the day was that it wasn't raining now. Virgil had spent his workday in silent anxiety, eyeing the storm clouds through the shop window and rubbing a small piece of sunstone between his thumb and forefinger. It seemed to have worked, as the clouds had dispersed a little and allowed the watery light of the autumn sun to peek through.

Virgil's phone lit up with a few more messages in his group chats: Roman having hysterics over some detail of his costume, Janus and Remus discussing how to avoid the small army of toddlers that always ran rampant at the Halloween parade. Virgil ignored them all. He was in no mood to be friendly, would probably snap at them. Logan hadn't said anything since his message to Virgil, which he had presumably sent on his lunch break. The question haunted Virgil, that great unknown lurking behind him and instilling a fear that no ghost ever could: What did Logan want?

Virgil set his phone down and leaned forward, heaving a sigh that turned into a yawn. Great. Whatever. That meant he was on the verge of hyperventilating, his breathing already irregular. Damn it, Logan knew better than to leave him hanging like this! They'd known each other for so long and he'd always been more perceptive to Virgil's needs than the others.

Especially lately… They'd been spending more time alone, and Virgil couldn't deny the sweet, warm giddiness that enveloped him every time they were alone together. First meetings were always his favorite, seeing Logan's face light up with a smile. He hadn't dared to think that Logan might feel the same way, but it was getting harder and harder to keep his fantasies on a leash. Worst-case scenarios and best-case scenarios dueled in his head: Logan kissing him, Logan telling him they couldn't be friends anymore, Logan confessing, Logan announcing that he had some incurable disease.

Virgil grabbed his phone and jumped to his feet. He couldn't do this anymore, couldn't sit here and torture himself. He would just leave now. He would rather arrive freakishly early than face another minute of this self-inflicted torment 

He double and triple checked he had his wallet and his plastic fangs, which he

was planning on putting on later. The medallion bounced against his exposed chest as he walked and he wondered briefly if it might be more trouble than it was worth. He could always swap it out for one of his pendants, maybe amethyst to calm his nerves. But it looked so good against his skin, falling perfectly in the deep V of his flowy white poet shirt. Unlike his other necklaces, it screamed vampire. And Janus would tease him if he caught Virgil wearing a subpar costume, and then Roman would join in, and Remus, and it would turn into a whole thing . He could wear the stupid medallion for one night.

 -

Virgil regretted this decision as soon as he got his moped going. Even at its 30 mph crawl, the heavy necklace bounced against his chest in a maddening rhythm. At least it was distracting. Every time he started to worry about Logan, the erratic tap-tap-tap of cold metal on his chest brought him back to Earth.

It was a long ride into town down a windy country road. He hugged the shoulder as best as he could despite the lack of traffic; Virgil's neighbors were few, but they all liked to take corners at frighteningly high speeds. The one person who did drive by honked at him and flashed their lights. Virgil's heart dropped and he nearly flipped them off before he realized that they liked his costume. It occurred to him then that he must look pretty absurd: A vampire riding a purple moped, cape fluttering on the wind.

Upon reaching the Plaza, Virgil did a few laps around downtown, smiling at the spiderwebs decorating Vaillant City Hall. Another lap revealed that empty parking spots were already becoming scarce, so Virgil pulled into one and checked his phone. Nothing from Logan. Just more hysterics from Roman, and Patton's best attempts at comfort. Virgil rolled his eyes. Maybe Roman did need some tough love. He scanned through the messages to orient himself, to make sure he didn't look dumb, and then typed out his reply.

Virgil: look, Prince Charming. 2 rolls of body glitter is more than enough. Stop freaking out

Roman: That's DOCTOR Prince Charming to you

Virgil: :*

He put his phone away, tucked his keys in his pocket, and forced himself to walk slowly toward the Plaza. He was still excruciatingly early, but maybe he could pop into a bar or grab a coffee or even swing by his work-- Oh.

There, standing by the reflecting pool with his hands in his pockets, was Logan. Virgil smiled despite his nerves and sped up. Leave it to Logan to somehow be earlier than early.

"Hey, Data," Virgil said once he was in earshot.

Logan's face lit up, and even the yellow contacts he was wearing couldn't mask the fondness in his face. "Evening, Virge," he said. His smile dropped too quickly and he kept his hands shoved in his pockets. Virgil surveyed all this with dread. Was he reading too much into it? Most definitely. Could he stop? No way.

"Everything okay?" Virgil asked, tugging at his medallion and turning his nervous gaze upon the placid waters of the reflecting pool. Great. Now he had two awesome reasons to be nervous. It was an old Vaillant legend that anyone who disturbed the waters of the pool would be cursed, and Virgil did not mess with curses. He usually took pains to avoid the Plaza, even if it meant he had to take the long way to work.

"Yes, Virgil," Logan said in a voice that was far too breathy. He cleared his throat. "As you know, we have been friends for a long time. I…" He paused, blinked. "I forgot what I was going to say."

"Jeeze, Lo," Virgil tried to tease. "You're making me nervous."

"But I--" Logan ran a hand through his hair. "Virgil. I had prepared something far more eloquent than what I am about to say, but I can't seem to remember it at the moment. Forgive me if this comes across as confusing."

"All good," Virgil said, making only a minimal effort to hide his confusion. The medallion was cold and oily under his fingertips, but he couldn't stop messing with it, tugging at it, rattling the chain. He needed some outlet for all this nervous energy.

"We've been spending more time alone together and I

thought-- I wanted--" Logan touched his face and Virgil realized a second later he had tried to push up his glasses, which he wasn't wearing. Oh, how cute. "Virgil, I would like to go steady with you."

A rush of vertigo smacked into Virgil with such force that he had to take a step back just to keep his balance. "Go steady?" he heard himself say. "Like-- Like, boyfriends?"

"If you are amenable to that," Logan said, furiously running his fingers over the piping on his uniform. "If not, I-- We can pretend this never--"

"Yes," Virgil interrupted. "Yes, yes, yes. Logan, I do want that."

"Oh," said Logan, his face breaking into a smile. "Good."

Virgil clenched his fist around the medallion wondering if it was too soon to ask for a kiss. He took a breath and felt something give with a quiet snap. The broken chain snaked along his neck, dragged down by the weight of the pendant. Virgil watched in silent agony as the necklace landed in the water of the reflecting pool with a quiet splash. "Shit."

"Allow me," said Logan, already in motion.

"No!" Virgil caught his hand and held it. "The curse." He realized what he had done and let go of Logan's hand.

"I don't believe in such things, Virgil, but if it's important to you, then I'll leave it."

"Thank you." Virgil stared down at the water and sighed through his nose. He'd already disturbed the water. Would it be better to leave the necklace or take it out? Littering seemed more disrespectful, he supposed. So he bent and grabbed the necklace before he could change his mind. "I'll, uh, de-curse-ify myself later."

Logan nodded, looking preoccupied. "Let me know if I can help. I might be able to repair the chain."

"Actually," said Virgil, stuffing the wet necklace into his pocket, "I was wondering if maybe, um…"

"Yes?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Please do."

Virgil closed his eyes so he wouldn't get weirded out by Logan's contacts. He had been expecting a short kiss, sweet and chaste, but Logan's hand tightened in the loose fabric of Virgil's poet shirt and his teeth grazed Virgil's bottom lip. Fuck propriety, then; the Plaza was still fairly empty. Virgil raised a hand to grab a fistful of Logan's hair and ran his tongue along the edge of Logan's lip.

They were interrupted by a wolf whistle and golf claps. "I'll be damned." Crap. Why did it have to be Janus? He was never going to let Virgil live this down.

Virgil pulled away so fast it made pain shoot through his neck. He exhaled sharply and covered the area with his hand for all the good it would do, turning to face Janus with a blush blooming on his cheeks. "What are you supposed to be?" he asked, looking Janus up and down. Janus had always been unnecessarily private about things that really didn't matter. He had evaded all of Virgil's attempts to guess his costume, and now presented wearing an old-fashioned suit including top hat, gloves, and cane.

"Don't change the subject," said Janus, dismissing Virgil with a wave.

In true vampire fashion, Virgil snarled and bared his teeth, then remembered something. "Oh, shit, my fangs!" He dug in his pocket for them, leaving Janus to do… whatever he was going to do.

"Logan, I presume?" Janus asked. Virgil stopped in the process of sticking on one tooth, heart hammering again. Janus and Logan had never met, and they could both be… a bit much in their own ways.

Logan nodded. "Logan Doucet." He held out his hand for a shake.

Janus took it. "Thank God you didn't bother to paint your face, else Virgil would have more than smudged lipstick to contend with. You've got some on your mouth, by the way."

"Thank you," Logan said stiffly. He withdrew his hand and used it to wipe away the lipstick stain on his face. "Nice to meet you, Professor Moriarty."

Virgil's eyes darted back to Janus, who smiled. "When I'm not acting as the Napoleon of Crime, you can call me Janus. Janus Bellefontaine."

"Where's Remus?" Virgil interjected, looking around. "Didn't he ride with you?"

"He got waylaid by some angry mothers because his costume made their kids cry," Janus said, nonchalantly running a

fingertip over the brim of his hat. "He'll be along." To Logan, he said, "Virgil tells me you're an accountant."

"Yes," said Logan. 

"And you haven't killed yourself yet, so I assume you must like it."

Virgil busied himself sticking his fangs onto his canines so he wouldn't worry about the conversation at hand. A sideways glance at Logan revealed that he seemed to find the comment amusing, thank God . "I've always been good with numbers. People, less so."

"Never would have guessed," Janus said, and Virgil didn't have to look at him to know he was smiling that crooked, tight-lipped smile that might have been genuine or might have been mocking. Asshole. "Well, if you have any rich clients, send them my way, won't you? I sell nice suits to dumb men with low self-esteem and too much money and I'm always on the lookout for another rube to swindle."

"If the suits are any good, I'd be happy to," Logan said.

Satisfied that his fangs were in properly, Virgil's attention shifted suddenly to the cold, wet medallion in his pocket. Right. He was cursed. Despite his interest in the occult and the supernatural, Virgil didn't have much experience with curses. His friends weren't really the type to play around with magic (well, maybe Janus, maybe- maybe Roman) and he wasn't the kind of guy who made enemies. No one had ever cursed him before. How soon would this one take effect? Should he go home and come back? Should he hop into the bayou, makeup be damned? Did bayous even count as running water?

He was so caught up in his panic spiral that the sudden sensation of hands on his shoulders made him jump. "Fuck!"

To his surprise it was Roman, not Remus, who laughed from somewhere behind him. "What, are Logan and Janus boring you?"

Virgil looked up and flinched again. While Roman looked relatively normal in his glittery Doctor Frank-n-Furter costume, Remus, who was lurking just behind his brother, was a horrorshow of fur and face paint and fake blood. "Um…" He shook himself and noticed Patton standing a ways off, peering at Remus. Distracted, he went to introduce Patton to Remus and Janus only to learn that he and Roman had run into Remus on their way over and rescued him from a brigade of shouty young mothers.

"He's Macavity," Patton said in a tone like he was pronouncing the death of the family goldfish.

"The other Napoleon of Crime," Janus agreed. "And you are?"

"Patton Haydel!"

A pause. "I gathered that. " Janus gestured at Patton's costume, which he had also kept a secret. Virgil had been staring at it as well, trying to figure it out. Patton was wearing what appeared to be a headless bear costume, round glasses, and what might have been a cowboy hat, though Virgil wasn't 100% sure. "What are you?"

"You have to guess!" Patton said, extending his arms and backing up so everyone could get a good look at him.

Virgil stared at him, running his tongue over the edges of his plastic fangs. "I got nothin'."

Logan took a sideways step and tapped Virgil's hand. Virgil nodded, and Logan interlaced their fingers as casually as he might clock in for work. "He's Teddy Bear Roosevelt."

They all groaned. "Good work, Pat," Virgil said begrudgingly.

"You have a big wet spot on your crotch," Remus pronounced, pointing at Virgil.

Janus raised his eyebrows, turning to Virgil with undisguised schadenfreude, but Logan stepped in before anyone could say anything. "It's water. He dropped his necklace in the reflecting pool."

"Well," said Patton, "that's not good."

"You dropped something in the reflecting pool and didn't immediately run for the nearest source of running water?" Janus asked. He looked from Virgil to Logan, then to their intertwined fingers and grinned. "Ah. More pressing matters at hand?"

"Maybe it's not too late," Roman said, drumming his acrylic nails against his thigh. "We can still dump him in the bayou."

"There's alligators in there!" Virgil said. "Fuck that. You know my house is plastered with wards. I'm sure I can make it through one evening."

"Your funeral," said Remus, leering. "Let me know if your dick falls

off.

 -

Despite his friends' concern, Virgil had a wonderful evening. Logan stuck close the whole night through, and they even snuck a few kisses here and there like infatuated teenagers. Each one sent a lightning thrill down Virgil's spine and made him want a dozen more. His friends noticed in turns and either teased or cooed, but each reaction was encouraging.

Logan kissed him goodbye at the end of the night and he practically floated back to his moped. He was so caught up in his daydreams that he only remembered the curse when he caught sight of the nazar hanging on his kitchen wall. Cursing under his breath, Virgil went to his bookshelf and began to compile a few methods of curse-breaking. Did a shower count as running water? God help him, he was not getting in the bayou. Maybe he could combine methods.

A few moments later, Virgil had everything set up in the bathroom. He lit the last candle, tightened the herb sachet around his neck, and stepped into the shower. Okay, time to focus. He was washing himself free of the curse and wouldn't it be nice if Logan were here? Logan didn't believe in magic and his clear-headed confidence would undoubtedly make Virgil feel better, too-- Focus! Wash away the curse. Logan would probably help him if he asked, helping Virgil set up the crystals and making sure his candles stayed lit-- Virgil! The curse! Wash away the curse.

The bathroom smelled of candles, incense, and herbs. Almost like Virgil's workplace, except that Virgil was using lavender and his boss preferred nag champa.

He stepped out of the shower and inhaled deeply, letting the mixture of scents relax him and draw him toward sleep.

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Ain’t Sayin’ She’s a Gold Digger: Part 4

Pairings: Sugar Daddy!Negan x Sugar Baby!Reader

Warnings: Sugar baby relationship, swearing

Word Count: 7,963

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the four months between getting the tickets, and heading to Burning Man, Jeff added seventeen countries and almost double that in states to deal with hotels that were going through the summer with bad ratings and numbers to your travel list. And while he worked, you worked with your new, temporary Burning Man assistant and your friends to organize everything you would need. It was chosen by the group, that now included Matt and Stacy, to join Kenzie and Stacy’s usual camp, which was actually a collection of make your own camps, to get the full Burner experience, and despite the fact that you felt like you were going crazy with Kenzie, who was the other natural organizer in the group, the trip came up before you knew it.

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.” Jeff laughed as he finally drove his RV into Black Rock City behind the 26 foot U Haul filled with your contribution to camp- thousands of dollars worth of water, Gatorade, mini and regular sized liquor bottles, beer, snacks, granola and power bars, and a thrift store find stand up piano, that Matt was driving for you.

“Oh, it’ll be fun.” You giggled as you waved at someone Kenzie had been yelling out the U Haul window at.

“Did you forget, I’m an old man, sweetheart?” He asked with a glance over at you before turning to the right to head down to where your camp, Island Time was located.

“Did you forget that we decided you are seasoned, not old?” Kara asked as she held two of six boxes of decorations in place on the dinning room table.

“We definitely agreed on seasoned, your Majesty.” Dana called out from the back bedroom, where she was responsible for keeping the dozen solar powered coolers of ice in place. Your boyfriend groaned as your smile grew even more.

“Oh, I’m never going to let you live this down.” You giggled as you reached over and pat his thigh.

“Yea, and you’re just making me wanna call an Uber.”

“They have an airport!” Chelsea called out as she sat up from the couch, where she was holding a rope that connected the three massive shade tents, also named Costco Barns, that would make up your themed camp.

“Don’t encourage him.” You scolded as you turned in your seat to look back at her. “He will leave.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt it.” She laughed as she sat up completely, as Jeff parked the RV on the left side of your camp site, and beside the U Haul that would turn into a ‘fishing pond’ for all the snacks it held. “Alright, let’s get unpacked.” You pat Jeff’s thigh once more as the girls in the back got out to start setting up.

“Just let go, sweetheart.” You told him as he set the emergency brake. “You are allowed to take a vacation and the company won’t crumble in your absence.”

“You are the only person I would agree to this for.” He said honestly as he dropped the keys in his cup holder and picked up your hand. “I love you, (Y/N). I need you to know that.”

“I love you, too, Jeff. So, so much.”

“Are you two gunna help, or are you just gunna sit there all day?” Dana asked as she grabbed one of the decorations boxes to carry out. You muttered ‘shut up’ and gave Jeff a chaste kiss before getting out to begin the long day of work. Kate, who was the mastermind behind your camp’s theme, started directing instantly, transforming the square of desert into a tropical wonderland. 

Your group had thought of everything, from a had painted directional sign that pointed fellow Burners to coffee, the Playa, the Deep Playa, City Center, the bathrooms, and of course, the Burning Man center piece and The Temple, to a bunch of tropical themed pool rafts to be used by whomever as seats. You had a blue tarp on the ground and the dyed canvas covers above you that Chelsea had painted to look like waves, and dozens of starfish, jellyfish, and fish toys zip tied anywhere they could go so they didn’t become missiles in a dust storm. 

There were four fishing poles laid against the U Haul, which had giant handmade banners on each side to promote your camp, and they were set up for ‘fishing’ with baskets on the end of the 100 pound test line that Jeff swore would hold up for what you needed it to. And the piece de le resistance of your camp was an inflatable palm tree cooler, that would have ice cold drinks for anyone passing by that needed one, that would sit directly in front of the piano you had brought to play as yet another contribution to the Burning Man community.

“It’s perfect.” Dana said with a proud smile as you on Jeff’s shoulders, and Chelsea on Matt’s strung up the last strings of blue lights in the canopy.

“I would hope so.” Kate said with a nod. “I busted my ass to figure out this design.”

“Hey! Beach girls!” A guy called out as he rode by your camp on his bike. “Nice idea!” You all yelled thanks as Jeff kneeled down so you could climb off.

“Damn, it’s hot.” He sighed as he sat down on one of the couple chairs you had brought. You nodded in agreement and used your already dust covered shirt to wipe off your face.

“I need a shower.”

“Get used to being dirty.” Kenzie said as she just took off her shirt and tossed it on a chair on her way over to grab a the reusable water bottle with her name on it so she could fill it up from the sink on the outside of the RV.

“So are we getting ready to open here or what?” Matt asked as he helped Chelsea dump ice from one of the solar power coolers into the palm tree cooler.

“Yea, someone throw up the fishing sign.” You said as you two pulled off your shirt and headed inside to get dressed. “I’ll go get ready.”

——

“Oh, do you know ‘Piano Man’?” A girl asked as she skipped up to your piano with a champagne slushy from a few camps down. You glanced up at her and nodded as you set down your mermaid patterned water bottle, that was currently filled with rum and coke and adjusted your shell patterned bikini top.

“I wouldn’t be a piano playing mermaid if I didn’t!” You cried as your fingers moved from playing a random melody to the newest request. You started playing over the cheers of a man, who had gotten a mini bottle of Jäger and a bag of Goldfish in his fishing pole bucket, as the girl in front of you cheered and started singing with you, and the group that had collected in your tent at some point since the sun went down. You glanced over at Jeff, who had decided months ago that he was going to be on whatever shift you were on, and gave him a slightly knowing smile, since his only job was to make sure ice was being made in the ice genies you had filling your freezer, and that the ice that was melting was draining into a new one to make more ice as needed. 

He’d spent most of his evening simply watching you, and holding up polite conversations with people that had come in to your tent and had some how slipped past Matt, and Stacy, who were on an entertainment shift with you in the main part of your camp, while Dana played ‘fish’ in the fan filled U Haul, and the other girls rode around to check out some of the rest of the camps. You couldn’t help but fall even more in love with him like you had every day for the past couple months. He was just entirely too good for you, and you didn’t ever want to be away from him.

“Alright, guys, I’m gunna take a break for a few hours.” You said when you saw Kenzie and Kara on their bikes. “Put requests in the fish bowl!”

“We’re switching out?” Matt asked as grabbed a beer from the palm tree.

“Yea, we’re gunna go burn a while.” You said as you adjusted your mermaid scales bottoms on your way over to the U Haul. You yelled your intentions to Dana, who was going to switch places with Kenzie for the second shift of fishing, and grabbed your heavily decorated with bright neon blue LED battery power lights beach cruiser.

“You know, I don’t know if I remember how to ride a bike.” Jeff said softly as he grabbed his matching, mixed color bike from next to yours.

“I’ll make sure you don’t fall or embarrass yourself, my love.” He leaned over and kissed your temple as you grabbed your alcohol filled bottle and a water filled one as well and stuck them in your basket. “Alright, let’s…”

“Hey wait!” The girl that asked you to play Piano Man said as she came running out to the road. She smiled at you and held out a pair of pills. “Thank you. For my song.”

“Oh, no, you don’t have to…”

“Take them.” She giggled as she grabbed your hand and put the two pills in your palm. “Happy Burn.” You nodded at her and looked over at Jeff with a smile.

“Just don’t think.” You said as you put a pill on your tongue, grabbed the back of his head, and kissed him roughly. You could feel him tense up the slightest bit as you pushed the pill between his lips with your tongue, but after a moment, he loosened up, and let you give him the ecstasy. 

“What kinda bad influence are you?” He laughed as you popped your pill in your mouth and followed it with a swig of your drink.

“One that you love.” You cooed as you straddled your bike and put your feet on the pedals. “You coming?”

“I guess I am.” He sighed as he got on his bike and briefly wobbled after you before he gained his confidence and pulled up to your side. “Thank you for not letting me back out.”

“Well look at it this way now.” You said as you grabbed your head lamp from the basket, switched it on, and put it on your head. “I just did ecstasy and am headed out to la Playa at prime time in Burning Man time in a bathing suit.”

“Yea, and if you walk more than five feet away from me at any point in time, I’ll take you to Europe, steal all of your things, and leave you there for a week to fend for yourself.”

“Oh, that sounds dangerous.” You teased as you pulled into the center of Black Rock City. You rode over to where a group of bikes and parked yours in the line with the rest, making sure to lock the wheel to the frame just in case someone drunkenly confused your bike with theirs.

“I don’t dance.” Jeff yelled at you over the music.

“You don’t have to.” You laughed as you laced your arm with his and pointed the farthest camp on the edge. “How about we start there and work our way down the line until the E kicks on?” With a nod, he reached out for your hand and laced his fingers with yours to walk with you. It only took about an hour for the drugs to kick in, and in that time you had been gifted a rubber bracelet for the event because you had pretty hair, a few glow stick bracelets and necklaces which made you realize you forgot yours in the RV, and more than a few shots and drinks. And as you were talking to someone about your time in Juilliard, and disagreeing with them on why your Burning Man nickname should not be ‘Keys’, you realized that Jeff was lost in his roll and the softness of your skin on the back of your neck.

“You OK?” You laughed at him when you had a moment break in the conversation.

“Why is your skin so soft?”

“Because you’re high, baby.” You laughed before saying a quick ‘see you later, come see us’ so you could hunt down your bikes before you got lost in the sensation, too.

“You’re back quick.” Dana said as you pulled up to the campsite and got off your bike.

“Yep.” Kenzie, who was sitting right next to her took one look at you before sitting up and turning to the group.

“OK, someone needs to turn the music up right now so we don’t have to hear them fuck!”

“God, you’re impossible.” You laughed as you headed in to the RV with Jeff’s hand in yours, while the people under your tent cheered for you. The second the door closed behind you, you kissed your boyfriend and walked him back to the king sized bed, closing the door only a couple seconds before your clothes hit the floor.

“Fuck, baby girl.” Jeff sighed when he got you completely undressed, and laid out on the blankets. “You are so fucking beautiful.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You know, I’m honestly surprised you lasted the entire week.” You admitted to Jeff, as he held the door to room one of four suites so you and your friends could shower off and have a good night sleep before you flew home. He huffed at you as your friends all tiredly headed into their rooms beside and across the hall from you to shower and wash off the six layers of dirt and catch up the dozens of hours of missed sleep.

“That is only because I wasn’t leaving my gorgeous girlfriend alone in the desert with that many drugs, and that many naked people.” You snorted a laugh through your nose, dropped your purse on the floor just inside the door, and kicked off your shoes in opposite directions on the way to the shower. “Hey, who said you could go first?”

“I will kill you if you think you are getting in before me.” You growled as you pulled off your clothes and got into the shower. “Get in here and help me.” You whined as you stood out of the way of the shower spray and turned the water on.

“So needy.” He huffed as he stripped out of his clothes and stepped in the shower in front of you. With a content sigh, you wrapped your arms around his waist and rested your head on his chest.

“This is all I need in life anymore.” You told him as you watched dirty water wash through and around the soft hairs on his chest. You adjusted your cheek and sighed once more as he grabbed a bar of soap and washed you off in lazy circles.

“Move in with me.” Those four words made your stomach flip as you looked up at the first man that had ever made you feel worth while, and nodded your head without needing to give the proposition any thought otherwise. 

“I’m taking a long nap first.” You replied with a smirk as you laid your head back down on his chest.

“I think that can be arranged, baby girl.”

The next two weeks of your life was a complete whirlwind as you packed up all your belongings, moved across Central Park to Jeff’s Upper East Side home, and helped Chelsea move out of the four bedroom hell hole she lived in with 3 total wack jobs and a horrible landlord since she spent half the time sleeping on your couch as is, and into your old room. But just as you were getting everything settled, you caught some kind of stomach bug that turned out to be something way more serious.

Jeff stood pin straight still, and dead silent, as you both stared at the door of the hospital room you were in- a trip you made because he couldn’t take one more night of you throwing up and writhing on the bathroom floor in pain. You had no idea what he was thinking, but then again, neither did he. You were both just absolutely terrified.

“Are they OK?” You both asked the second the doctor walked into the room.

“Let’s just take a look, OK?” He said with a reassuring smile. You couldn’t bring yourself to believe him as every single drug you took in Black Rock City ran like a bad movie in your head. You reached out for Jeff at the same moment he took a step toward you, as the doc grabbed the ultrasound wand. You actually held your breath as he located the two side by side blobs and nodded his head.

“They look fine.” You exhaled forcefully and burst into fear and joy fill tears, as Jeff sat down in the chair next to you in relief. “Two healthy babies.”

“We did a lot of drugs.” Jeff said as he worried your hand between his as he stared at the monitor. “And a lot of drinking at Burning Man...” 

“And all I can say on that is get in touch with an OBGYN, and disclose everything. I won’t lie to you, there could be some consequences, but I wouldn’t worry too much about that. I’ve seen drug addicts who used everyday of their pregnancy and had perfectly functioning, otherwise healthy babies. I’d just refrain from any and all alcohol consumption and drug use.”

“Oh absolutely.” You said with a nod as you took the two photos he handed you and held the delicately in your hands. “I’ll do everything by the book.”

“Just don’t worry to much about what you did. Focus on what you can do for them now.” You nodded your head and took the paper script from him, which Jeff took from you right after. “Something to help with the nausea. And I’ll have the nurse bring in a list of some OBGYN’s in town for you as well.”

“Thank you, doc.” Jeff said with a nod as he stood up and shook the man’s hand. “We appreciate it.” With another nod, the doctor left the room to go about his day, and you looked up at the father of your children and started to cry.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know!” He shushed you softly and shook his head as he leaned down to wrap you in a hug.

“It’s ok, baby girl.” He whispered as he held you to his shoulder with his hand on the back of your head. “I’m not mad. It’s OK now. We’ll all be OK.” You nodded for a second before your stomach rolled, and you practically shoved him away to grab the vomit bag the nurse had given you to get sick in. “It’s OK.” He repeated as he gently rubbed your back and picked up the ultrasounds from your lap to look at them in complete disbelief. “We’re all gunna be alright.”

——

Jeff didn’t speak to you for three days after you got home, other than to check to see how you were feeling, and to remind you he loved you every night as you walked out of the living room to the master bedroom without him, which was unusual for him, since you usually went to bed together. On the fourth night, you got fed up with laying in his bed, waiting for the man that you had fallen head over heels in love with, the father of your children, and grabbed your pillow and the blanket to head down to the guest bedroom. You made it almost all the way to the door, when it opened toward you. Jeff stopped for a moment and looked at you with eyes full of concern, as you hiked the blankets and your pillow up a little more. 

“No.” He said simply with a shake of his head, as if it were the answer to all of your problems.

“No, you no!” You snapped back as tears welled in your eyes. “I’m going…”

“I always wanted kids.” He sighed as he stepped in front of you and pulled the blanket out of your arms to put it back on the bed. “Hillarie couldn’t conceive. And the few times she did, we miscarried before the end of the first trimester.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Do you know that fear doesn’t go away?” He asked as he walked you around to your side of the bed. “Fear that you’re going to blink and everything is going to be ripped away from you, that doesn’t just go away.” He sighed as he pulled off his shoes and carefully laid you down on the bed so he could get in behind you. As if you were China doll about to break, he scooted up behind you as close as he could, and gently wrapped his arm under yours across your chest. 

“(Y/N), I’m so sorry I’ve pulled away from you. It is absolutely not your fault, or the fact that you are pregnant. I love you so fucking much and I need you with me every fucking day for the rest of my life. And now I need our kids just as much, but I’m fucking terrified. I can’t… I can’t…”

“I’m scared too.” You whispered as you pulled his arm even closer to you. “What if I fucked them up?”

“Then we will figure it out together, baby.” He sighed as he hugged you a little tighter. “I’m sorry I pulled away. I needed a minute and I never should have taken it silently without telling you what I was doing. That was not fair to you. I’ve just never been good at handling hard life shit.” You shook your head in agreement and sniffled as your tears fell on his arms and your pillow. “I’m sorry. Forgive me…” You nodded your head and rolled over to face him, and he held you to his chest as his own tears welled in his eyes.

“Just tell me it’s gunna be OK.” You sobbed as you held on to his shirt so he wouldn’t leave when you voiced your insecurities. “Tell me I didn’t kill our babies at stupid fucking Burning Man or that they aren’t going to end up blind, or with only one limb between them….”

“No, shhh…” He tried with a shake of his head as he realized that you were dealing with different versions of his same fears about the situation. “Our babies are going to be just fine. Unless they’re boys… then we’re both screwed.”

“No, I want boys!” You whined as he leaned back enough to kiss your forehead and wipe away your tears for you.

“Then we are going to have two, healthy boys, that have all ten fingers and all ten toes each, in their right places, on the right babies. And they’re gunna be smart, and handsome, and funny, and…”

“Perfect?” He nodded his head as he moved his hand to your stomach with as big of smile as his nervous self could handle.

“They will be perfect.”

——

“OK, you understand that I’m supposed to be peacefully resting at home, right? Not looking at new houses…”

“You’ve taken over my closet.” Jeff laughed as he held the elevator door open on the fourth floor of the millionth condo you had seen in the past six week. “And it’ll only be a matter of time before you start taking over the one in the guest bedroom. Besides my place is more of a bachelor pad still. It’s not really kid friendly…”

“I know what you’re doing.” You said as you stopped in front of 4B and turned around to look at him as you put your hand on your back and cocked your eyebrow at him. You pointed at the bump that officially stuck out past your boobs and shook your head. “We made it to the second trimester. You don’t need to distract yourself...”

“But we still need a bigger house.” He chuckled as he leaned towards you to knock at the door. “One that you can decorate for our family and not my assistant for my tastes.”

“Whatever.” You huffed as you turned toward Jeff’s real estate agent, Mark. “So? Let’s hear it.”

“Four beds, three and a half baths.” Mark started as he walked backwards into the living room. “Thirty five hundred square feet, and washer and dryer in the unit.”

“Big kitchen?” You asked as you curled your lip at the hideous purple painted book shelf in the study to your left off the living room. “Eww…”

“Big kitchen.” Mark agreed as Jeff followed you around, taking mental notes about the things he would need to change for you to make this the house you wanted to start your family in since he didn’t mind one bit where he lived as long as you were there with him.

“God, who designed this place?” You asked as you turned around and looked at weird, bell shaped light on the far side of the open concept room in what had to be the dining room. “Schools?”

“7, 2, and 8 out of 10.” He said as he looked at his notebook to get the answers to the questions he knew you were going to ask since he had been working with you for a few weeks. “The building was built in 1906 and was last coded in 2019. Been on the market five days and it’s already seen three people.” You shook your head as you peaked into the half bath and the walk in pantry across the way, before heading into the absolutely gorgeous white and grey kitchen, thats only blemish was the colored cushions on the bench in the breakfast nook in the corner, and more of the same strange gold bell lamp shades. 

“This could be a play room.” Jeff said as he looked at the den that backed the kitchen.

“You have another closet back there. And the laundry room with a sink is over there.” You nodded your head and glanced down the hall that lead to the bedrooms, as Jeff came up behind you with a smirk.

“You are poker facing awful hard, baby girl.”

“Other than paint, and changing light fixtures, I love it, but I’m not telling him that.” Your love huffed and nodded his head as you walked over to look at the actual laundry room with a sink, cabinets, and counter space, and the large walk in closet.

“It also has 3-zone central AC, a humidification system, and radiant-heated floors in the bathrooms. And it has a part time doorman, a live-in super, more added storage, and a bike room. The walk score is 98, and transit is 100. Now I think is the cutest part of the house is this room right here. I know Mr. Morgan said you were having twins, and this is perfect already if they are girls, or it can be painted for boys…”

“Oh, wow.” You said as your facade slipped for only a moment when you saw the built in bookshelves on one wall, and the already built in bunk beds next to the long closet on the other. You glanced up at Jeff with a smirk you couldn’t control, and he kissed your forehead in silent confirmation.

“What are they asking?”

“$5,375,000.” Jeff whistled as you looked at the similar room across the hall, that had the same bookshelves on one wall but a small ensuite on the other wall. 

“HOA?”

“It’s a little higher than the rest.” Mark said as he followed you and Jeff through the second to last bedroom, and the bath that it shared with the room with the bunk beds. “$5,018”

“Can you give us a minute?” Jeff asked as you stepped into the last room, the master bedroom.

“You may not have enough room in this closet either, baby.”

“Finally found one you like?” You finally let your smile show, and nodded your head as you turned on the wood floors that ran through all of the bedrooms toward him. He sighed and put his hands on your hips with a small smile that made your heart melt and your stomach flip. “Do you want it?”

“Do you?” He nodded his head and searched your eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath.

“I’m gunna say the same thing I said to Hillarie when I bought our first house. This house will be our house, until the day comes when you don’t want me here anymore, which hopefully is never. But if that day comes, this house will still be yours, and our kids, for the rest their lives… unless you cheat on me, or if you attempt to steal money from me, which yes, it is possible, because I watched my ex-wife try to do it. Not saying you would, but I still need to lay the rules out…”

“Wait… you’re giving me a house?”

“No.” He chuckled as he moved his hands to the small of your back to hug you. “I’m buying us a house, that I’m going to put your name on as well, so that we both know that you and our children will always be taken care of. Because you are the real love of my life… and I need to know that you are safe.” You couldn’t help yourself but to start crying, and his smile simply grew more as he leaned down and kissed your forehead. “Wanna walk through it one more time to make sure you really love it?”

“Yes…”

“Well go on then.” He chuckled before giving you a chaste kiss. “I’m going to talk price and see if I can get them to do a short sale so we can get in here and get that purple book shelf painted…”

“Eww and change those horrid light shades, please!”

“We can find some new light shades, sweetheart.”

“Hey baby!” You called out before he could walk out of the room. “Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

“Anything for you, baby girl.” You blew him a kiss and turned to look at the small white and bronze accented bathroom, that would have to have to be redone in some actual color, before heading back over to the bedroom with the bunk beds.

“This is gunna be your room one day, babies.” You whispered as you rubbed your bump and looked down at your babies as the reality that they would never have to live the life you did growing up caught up with you. You started to cry again as you looked up at a giant giraffe stuffed animal the owners kids owned, and choked on your tears with a laugh. “God, and I promise I will never buy you two something so tacky.”

——

“OK, this is just not fucking fair.” Dana said as she walked into your new, freshly painted, co-decorated, slightly remodeled home for your gender reveal. “This place could fit my house like ten times over!”

“She looked at about a million and one to find this one.” Jeff teased as he took the giant basket she was carrying from her.

“What’s in the basket?” You asked as you pushed the front door closed and took a step toward your boyfriend, only to have him turn away and Dana step in front of you.

“You can open it later.” She laughed as she turned you around and pushed you into your living room. “Now show me around. Be a good hostess before everyone else gets here.”

“Oh, Jesus I can’t even… You’re so needy!”

“Oh, I know! It’s so hard to be a good host.” She laughed back as she followed you to the kitchen, where you had dozens of finger foods and desserts in pink and blue.

“OK, wait. You have to place your vote.” You said as you pointed to the dry erase board you had borrowed from her office. “Two boys, two girls, or one of each. And then you have to wear the beads.”

“Oh, I like it!” She said as she lifted the two strands of blue beads from around your neck. “You want boys?”

“Oh, I need boys.” You said as you held out a few dry erase markers for her to choose. “Dana, we’re girls. Do you remember how much trouble we got in to?”

“Yea, but so do boys.” She pointed out as she drew a mark under the one boy, one girl column and picked up one of each necklace.

“Yes, but boys listen to their mothers.” You reminded her as you want over and grabbed a glass of blue raspberry lemonade and a blue straw from the table of the breakfast nook. “Come on, you have to see the boy’s room.”

“What if it’s one and one?”

“Then I guess I’m just going to have to recreate the room on the other side? I don’t know. I do know that I’ve grown to hate this purplish pinkish bleck shade they had in here…”

“Oh, that’s really cool. But I see about the color, this is awful.”

“So this one shares a bathroom with the one next door. And the one across the hall has an ensuite so it’s the guest room. And our room is next to that…”

“Oh, let me see the remodel you did with that. You changed the bathroom, right?”

“OK, so first, you have to see the final product so I can show you how we changed it because the way they set this up is just asinine.”

“What did they…”

“Who makes a master bathroom five feet wide and thinks that’s OK?” You asked as you stepped into the master suite and pushed open the bathroom door. “So this wall stopped here and we pushed it out into one of the two closets the undecided room had and doubled the size. And then I added the tub because I needed it.”

“I like this color.” She said as she touched the dark teal accent wall behind the mirror.

“I used the same one on the bookshelf in the study because I liked it so much.” You said with a nod. “We also pushed this wall into the walk in because Jeff still has his closet space out here and I didn’t need that much space, so that few feet gave us just the amount of room we needed.” Dana nodded and turned toward you with a smile.

“Are you happy, (Y/N)? Like not because of the physical possessions… does he make you happy?” You smiled and nodded your head as you put your hand on your 20 week along bump.

“Dana, I’m pretty sure I would die without him in my life. I have never loved someone the way I love Jeff.” Her smile grew as she stepped forward and put her hands on either side of your stomach.

“Then I know I made the right choice in calling you back that day.” You nodded your head as Jeff called your name from outside the door, and you looked over at him with a smile.

“My mom just got here. Are you done touring?”

“Where did your beads go, mister?” You asked as you turned toward him and followed him out of your room. 

“Mom votes with me that they are both girls so I gave them to her.” He laughed as he reached out for your hand just long enough to pull you to the side to put his hand on the small of your back.

“And you know I’m going to keep giving you shit until you put them back on, Daddy.” You cooed as you grabbed two pink bead necklaces and held them out to him. “Or you can sleep on the couch, far far away from Mommy and the boys.”

“See, I like her already.”

“Thanks Mom.” Jeff laughed as he put his necklaces on and turned you around to the food covered island. “Sweetheart, this is my mom, Sandy. Mom, the love of my life, mother of daughters…”

“Sons.” You laughed as you stepped forward to the grandmother of your children. “(Y/N). It’s so nice to finally meet you, Sandy.”

“Oh, please. It’s Mom.” She said sweetly as she gestured to your bump. “May I?”

“Absolutely!” You laughed as you reached out for her hands and pulled her a step closer. “You’ve got the soccer player down here, and the long jumper that uses my ribs as a jumping board up here. I say they have to be boys because like two nights ago, they got into what felt like a slap fight against my bladder and I feel like only boys would be that rude to their mother in the middle of the night.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” She laughed as she rubbed your bump through the knee length blue and pink splattered, off the shoulder dress that was tight against your body and had a long, loose ruffle around the top. “If they are boys, I hope for your sake they are nothing like their father because he was a wild child.”

“Oh, really!” You squealed as you refilled your cup and picked up a pink chocolate covered strawberry, while Jeff whined ‘Mom’ on his way to go get the door. “Please, I am begging you to tell me more.”

“Oh, honey I will never run out of stories about my Jeffrey. Like this one time…”

“Mom!” Jeff said as he walked back into the kitchen behind Chelsea and Kate, and couple of Jeff’s friends that you had only meet a few times before. “Don’t start!”

“Oh, I’ll start alright.” She laughed with a shake of her head. “I have to pre-warn her what she’s getting into with Morgan boys.” You laughed with her as Jeff simply shook his head and went to get the door again, and Dana quickly jumped on the train to get more stories about the father of your child with you. Since you had no representation of family, you shared your own embarrassing childhood stories as your friends and his came together to celebrate the lives you created. You played cheesy games, and ate probably way to many sweets, until Jeff’s assistant, Rebecca got there a little late with two large black balloons for Baby A and Baby B.

“OK, let’s see what the final vote is before we pop these suckers.” Jeff called out over the slight hum of voices in the living room and kitchen as he pointed to the two balloons Rebecca was putting in the arch way between the living and dining room. One of the men that worked in Jeff’s New York office, Jason, grabbed the white board for you and carried it out to the dinner table, where the presents that people had brought to make the last couple months of your pregnancy a little more enjoyable were.

“So we have eight for boy boy.” You said as you looked at all the tallies on the board. “Which is the right team, by the way…”

“Thirteen for girl girl, the winning team.” Jeff interrupted with a playful glare.

“You are are just mistaken.” You giggled. “And fourteen for both. So Baby B is the one up by my ribs, and Baby A is right now down by my left hip. So we’ll obviously start with A. Thanks, Bex.” You said as you took the balloon and a sewing needle from her. “You wanna?”

“No, pop away, my love.” Jeff said as he moved the balloon between you so that you could both be in the photos Kenzie had been taking for you all afternoon. You and your party guests counted down from three, and hesitated for only a second before hitting the black latex with the sharp tip. You cheered excitedly as blue confetti rained down on your head and floated down on your hardwood floors.

“Ok, so this one better be a girl.” Jeff mockingly complained as he took the string from you and traded it for the next balloon.

“If it is a girl, she’s a badass with the way she’s beating up on her brother.” You laughed as you handed him the pin. “But it’s gunna be another boy.”

“Wrong.” He laughed before starting the next count down. You actually held your breath, hoping in that moment that it was a girl for his sake, and you shrieked happily when the destroyed latex released its pink confetti over the blue.

“We got one of both.” You said with a smile as Jeff cupped your jaw with his hands.

“A Daddy’s girl and a Mama’s boy.” He said with a nod. “We’re both screwed.”

“Yea we are.” You laughed as you stood up on your tip toes and kissed him softly. “A boy and a girl… sorry baby, we gotta do even more painting.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh, God, is this really necessary?” You whined as you stepped in to a white and black polka dot sleeveless, halter gown to go to a charity event for one of the foundations Jeff was a part of.

“I’m sorry, but it is.” Jeff said with a nod as he pulled your dress up to your hips where you could reach it without bending over around your substantial 32 week along bump. “It’s a once a year dinner that I have to go to, and you said you wanted to go…”

“Yea, I know.” You sighed as you turned around so he could zip you up. “But I was obviously delirious, running on more sleep, and probably half the size I am now.”

“And you still look just as beautiful to me, baby.” He said sweetly to keep you calm like he usually did as he turned you around toward him with a smile. “I love you… and I know Jett and Jace are both thankful you are carrying them…”

“Yea, I know you think that.” You huffed as a small smile pulled at your cheeks. “But I think these two are ungrateful, hate monsters that can’t keep their arms and legs inside the moving vehicle.” Jeff laughed whole heartedly as he knelt down and slipped your wedge sandals on your feet for you.

“You’re almost there, baby girl. 36 weeks was your goal…”

“Just make it go faster.” You sighed as you put your cell phone on silent and handed it to him to carry so you didn’t have to bring a purse. He put it in his inside jacket pocket with your tissues (because everything made you cry now a days), your lip gloss, and a bag of goldfish in case you got hungry before dinner was served.

“Make it through dinner, and we’re one more day closer.” He said in a sing song voice as he turned you toward the door and gave you a gentle push in that direction. You grumbled at him under your breath as you adjusted your belly band under your dress, and headed down stairs. “It’ll be over before you know it, sweetheart.” He placated over your continued grumbling when your car pulled up in front the Ritz in Manhattan. With one last grumble, you lost the pout and forced a smile on your face as he and his driver, Jonathan, helped you out of the car.

“Oh, you look so big!” “When are you due?!” “Twin’s, that sounds like a lot of work!” “Oh, you have to use cloth diapers, they are so much better for the babies.” “A tiny thing like you is going to have a lot of fun pushing those babies out.”

“OK!” Jeff said quickly before you knocked the woman that was reaching out for your bump on her ass. “Let’s go find our seats and get you off your feet.”

“Why do people think it’s acceptable to touch me?”

“Because people are weird.” He laughed as he guided you around a chair that had been left pulled out.

“Jeffrey Dean!” You stopped walking as a woman stood up on the far side of the table in front of you, and Jeff’s hand gripped the back of your dress when she started walking toward you.

“Hillarie.”

“The Hillarie?” You asked with a glance back up at him. He nodded his head and rubbed your back as he cleared his throat.

“What can I do for you, Hillarie?”

“Oh, nothing, I just… oh! You’re… pregnant.” You nodded your head and put your hand on your bump as she smirked between you and her ex. “You finally caved and went with a sperm donor…”

“Good night, Hillarie…” Jeff tried as he gave you a gentle push to the right, but his ex side stepped and blocked your path.

“No, I’m sorry. That’s rude of me.” She giggled with the fakest smile you had ever seen. “You seem like a nice young thing. I bet you found a man to knock you up and went after Jeff for the money, didn’t you?”

“Excuse me?!”

“That’s enough, Hillarie!”

“I mean you are huge and, let’s face it, we both know Jeff’s sperm are way to old to be a viable option…”

“I’m sorry.” You interrupted as your whole body started to shake. “I think I missed the memo saying that your opinion about my children and their father mattered to anyone but yourself.” She cocked her eyebrow at you as you reached back for Jeff’s hand with a very forced smile. “And I’m even more sorry that you decided to cheat on him and pass up on mind blowing sex. Not that it’s any of your business, but I can promise you that he is responsible for my huge stomach. He’s responsible for making me happy, and he’s responsible for making me forget my own name every night.” Hillarie looked shocked at your retort as you stepped back the other way and up to her side with a smile. “Oh, and thank you for talking to him. Now I know I’ll go to bed wore out as we both attempt to forget you are still in Manhattan and so he can welcomingly remind me the seasoned man he is and exactly who fathered my babies.” You took a step back and smiled at her once more as the exhausted vindictiveness washed over you.

“And I’m sorry that you weren’t capable of getting pregnant. But obviously… that’s not Jeff’s fault.”

“OK, let’s go find our seats, baby girl.” Jeff said quickly as he stepped between you and his ex with an uncontrollable satisfied smirk on his face. “Good night, Hillarie.” You heard her growl behind you as you were led away, and you glanced up at Jeff for a moment. “You did fine.” He chuckled before you could even ask.

“I’m sorry, it wasn’t my place… really, they’re starting with salad.”

“Just start with the salad so you don’t rip anyone else’s head off.” He laughed as he pulled your chair out at the first table in the middle row of the room.

“And for that, I’m eating yours too.” You huffed with a smile as you put your napkin on your lap, and turned your attention to the rest of the people at the table, who were thankfully people that you knew from Jeff’s New York office that had attended your gender reveal, or would be attending your baby shower the next day. “Growing babies is tough work. Can’t be done on just greens.”

[palettes-and-prompts]

25 Dialogue Prompts for Each Color of the Rainbow (Part 2)

Red 1) "How could anyone not like me? I'm perfect." 2) "Quick! They're coming, how do I look? Do I have anything in my teeth? Do I smell because I need to look perfect!" 3) "Wow, have you been working out, you look great!" 4) "Oh, this old thing? I just threw this on." 5) "You really think I'm beautiful?" 6) "I wasn't meant to be some little star. I was meant to be the sun." 7) "They haven't texted me since the date and it's been a week. What if they didn't like me? No, that's ridiculous, I'm wonderful. Something must've just happened to their phone." 8) "I'm going to die alone aren't I? Just me, some cats, and boxed wine. At least Real Housewives will always be there for me." 9) "They're obviously not looking for perfection because I'm right here." 10) "I'm not shopping at a thrift store, that's where poor people shop!" 11) "You had better change for the party because you're fucking high if you think I'm going to let you stand next to me while you wear that outfit." 12) "A gift? For me? Oh you shouldn't have! Oh...a book...wow...thanks. You, uh, really shouldn't have." 13) "Please be a loser somewhere else." 14) "I'm on a diet where I have to drink kale. If you value your life leave right now." 15) "I want this entire box of Kit Kats." "....the whole box." "NOW!" 16) "It's scary out there, I'm not coming with you to check out that noise." "Okay." "No! Wait, don't actually leave me alone." 17) "I am not a scaredy cat! I just don't like when things pop out at me or creep around in the dark or come within ten feet of me unless they're hot." 18) "I would never ever fall in love with you." "Okay, well, you're still holding onto me." "I just didn't want to get lost!" 19) "Wow, you're really strong. Like...really strong." "If you're that thirsty there's a water fountain right over there." 20) "God look at them. They look so good when they're sweaty. Oh fuck they're taking their jacket off." "You're drooling." 21) "Give me back the honey bun or I will scratch your eyes out." "You need to calm down." "You need to not tell me to calm down." 22) "Everyone keeps getting flowers and it's so annoying. Like, we have work to do, you shouldn't be worried about getting flowers. I hate flowers, I-" "I think there are some flowers on your desk." "Oh my god I love flowers! They're so pretty. Aww, I wonder who got them for me." " 23) "I think you're the most dramatic person I know." "That can't be true, I'm not dramatic." "You literally cried yesterday when no one noticed you got your hair trimmed like a centimeter." "It was a big difference from how it was!" "It was a centimeter!" 24) "My ideal home is one that's small but enough to have a family in." "They're such a fucking liar, their ideal home has to have mirrors everywhere, a double curved staircases so they can walk down dramatically, a maze in the backyard, a fountain in the front with a circular driveway, but then the road in is lined with trees because their dramatic and when you get to the gate it has their last initial on it." "Oh my god, you do listen to me!" "Unfortunately yes." 25) "Are you in love with me?" "What? No, I can't stand you." "You remember everything about me! You pay attention to everything I say and I can be very..." "Dramatic?" "Passionate about certain things. You hate it." "I don't hate it." "So you love it?" "We don't have to put a label on what I feel." "Yes we do. You love me!" "Fine, okay, I love you." "Really?" "Don't get all passionate right now." "I'm already planning our wedding in my mind."

Orange 1) "You're really cool, we should hang out sometime. Maybe you could watch me skateboard." 2) "You're always stressing yourself out, why don't you let me help you unwind?" 3) "It's just you, me, and this goat you told me not to get." 4) "You think hiding your snacks is gonna stop me from eating them? I'm like a bloodhound, I will sniff them out!" 5) "What do you think would happen if I snorted Cheeto dust?" 6) "Remember when you told me not to try to reach into the vending machine when my chips got stuck because my arm would get stuck in there. Well, the good news is I got my chips. Bad news is I wont be home for a while." 7) "You know how Gaston ate four dozen eggs every morning to help him get large? Okay, so that's bullshit because when I was a kid I tried to do that and I barely ate a dozen before I threw up." 8) "Oh, I'm an idiot? Because I think I'm fucking styling in these diamond studded crocs while I ride my razor scooter!" 9) "Oh, I always get a perfect score on any test I take. Everyone always thinks I'm cheating but the doctors say I've got something called an photographic memory where I only look at things once and I just remember it. Anyway, wanna see how many ants I can eat?" 10) "One time I got stung by a bee on the tongue because I wanted to see what it felt like." "Did it feel good?" "It did not." 11) "I used to think Bronchitis meant I was growing broccoli inside my lungs." "It doesn't mean that. When did you find out that it didn't mean that?" "Oh, um, like... a few days ago." "A FEW DAYS AGO?!" 12) "So, I did something." "What did you do?" "I should preface by saying I am not smart." "What. Did. You. Do?" 13) "Just shaved a cat to look like a lion with a mane." "That's so stupid, why would you do that?" "Why don't you look at the results first?" 14) "I beat all of Super Mario World and found every single secret." "When's the last time you slept?" "Last time I what?" 15) "Why are you all twitchy?" "I just mixed every energy drink from the gas station with pixie sticks." "Jesus, we're going to the hospital." 16) "I know eating cheese makes you constipated and everything, but like, how much cheese? I don't want to be constipated so what's the maximum amount I can eat without that happening." 17) "Don't freak out, but I'm in jail." "JAIL?!" "It's all a big misunderstanding!" 18) "Can I tell you something without you getting mad?" "You always ask me this and I always get mad." "Yeah, but like, maybe this time you could just...not get mad?" 19) "You are the human equivalent of the smiley face emoji." "Aww! Thank you." "It wasn't a compliment." 20) "You look like you eat sunshine and shit rainbows." "Actually I eat Lucky Charms. Well, just the charms actually with like a little bit of the lucky bit." "You're so positive it sickens me." 21) "I love Thanksgiving." "Yikes. Why?" "Because I get to have dinner with all my friends and family. There's no pressure to buy gifts or anything. We all just come together and appreciate each other." "I could put everything you've ever said on a Hallmark card." 22) "Do you know how much I love you?" "You send me every heart emoji before bed and end it with a kissy face with the words 'I love you' every night. I think I get it." "I'll start doing it every morning just to be sure." 23) "You know how in Inside Out there's all the different little people that represent each emotion?" "Yeah, I love that movie!" "Yeah, I think your Joy emotion person killed your Sad emotion person." "What? No! She wouldn't do that!" " 24) "You have to stop crying every time this scene in the movie comes up." "He thinks she doesn't love him!" "It's just Shrek. You've seen how it ends, you can quote it for fuck's sake!" "I know but he doesn't know right now!" "Oh my god." 25) "I swallowed the key to Person A's car." "Oh my god why would you do that?" "I thought it'd be funny but now I'm worried about it." "Oh now you're worried about it?"

Yellow 1) "I heard everyone survived, is that true?" "Yes, everyone's fine." "Pity." 2) "If being classy means being mean to everyone who's considered to be beneath you then I must be the classiest bitch in the whole fucking world." 3) "I don't think you're beneath me, I know you are." 4) "A piece of advice I'll give to you for free. Stay out of my way unless you'd like to be crushed under my foot." 5) "Hmm, I wonder which shoes I should wear to stomp on the dreams of others today." 6) "Don't cry on me, this jacket is worth more than your car!" 7) "Oh no, I won. Aww! And you wanted it so bad, didn't you?" 8) "You know, in duos it's usually one's the beauty and one's the brains but in our case I guess I really lucked out, didn't I?" 9) "Don't think for a second I'm interested in you, I'm only speaking to you because I have to." 10) "They took something that was mine. And now I have to kill them." 11) "I was scheduled to ruin someone's life today, but I guess I can save that for another time. Let's hang out!" 12) "I know that person, their significant other made my friend cry so I slept with their boyfriend/girlfriend and made them fall in love with me. I can't wait to be there when they tell them they're leaving them for me." 13) "You need good friends, people who will watch out for you and help you handle your problems." 14) "Listen here, you little shit, I've worked hard to get this perfect so if you fuck it up I will destroy everything you love." 15) "Oh, how cute! You think you're a threat to me." 16) "Next time you try to threaten me remember who you're dealing with. Because I don't do threats, I make promises. And when I promised I'd ruin your life I intended to keep that promise." 17) "Oh my god, here comes that insufferable bitc-Hi! Oh my god, I haven't seen you in forever, you look so good!" 18) "Oh, gag me with a fucking spoon. If I have to listen to you idiots try to talk and breathe at the same time I'm going to jump in front of a fucking bus." 19) "Move! I'll handle it just like I handle everything, with grace and vague threats." 20) "What do you mean they're in love with me? Did they say that word for word? Because you know I'm in love with them so if this is a trick it's not funny and I'll fucking kill you. Did they say that word for word?" 21) "I only have strengths I don't have weaknesses." 22) "They called me heartless? I'm not heartless! I'm nice. I'm so fucking nice. I'm going to prove how fucking nice I am and then they're going to look like an idiot for saying that!" 23) "Stop crying. You look fucking pathetic and you're not pathetic because I don't have pathetic friends. So keep your head up, bury your feelings, and act like the goddamn champion you are." 24) "Don't speak, you could make the town idiot feel like a genius." 25) "Stop acting like a loser or you're not allowed to stand next to me anymore."

Green 1) "Well, look at that, we're all alone. So, anything you wanna say to me? Anything you wanna do to me?" 2) "Of course I have sex for money, you think I'd just give all this away for free?" 3) "What do you mean I can't wear this to the funeral? It's my mourning crop top." 4) "How's my outfit?" "Hideous. You should shred it and then burn it just to be safe." 5) "Ew, what do you want?"   6) "I'm gonna need you to not stand next to me at this party, I don't want anyone thinking we came together." 7) "Does this make me look slutty?" "Not at all, it's very modest for you actually." "Ew, okay, I'm gonna go change." 8) "Why are you putting on glitter? We're going to a toddler's birthday party." "Look, if you wanna look like that that's your choice. I plan on looking like I hunt mythical creatures for a living." 9) "The robbers took everything in my house." "Yeah, but they left your clothes so what do you think that says about them?" 10) "I thought you hated the thrift store." "I did, I thought it was a very sad little place, but then I started designing my own outfit with all the decent things they sell and so now I love the thrift store." 11) "They broke up with you? You?! No, I don't think so. Come with me, we're going to fix you and you're going to show them what they're missing." 12) "They might have more money than me but I'm the one who has clear skin and the ability to not look like trash." 13) "A choker can be something that says it all. It can say 'I'm fun and I love hanging out with my friends' but it can also say 'I only have rough sex' you know?" 14) "You're not my type." "You haven't even turned around to see me." "Didn't need to. I could smell that cheap cologne/perfume from a mile away." "What is your type?" "Rich." 15) "What are you doing?" "Eating take out and watching porn." "What kind of porn?" "Bondage porn." "Oh, that kind of day, huh? Should I come over?" "No, I'll just try to sleep wit you." "You do that even when you're not sad." "Okay, you can come over." 16) "Where are you going with my keys?" "I've got to kill someone." "Okay, make sure you don't get blood on my seats." 17) "No, highlight yellow and highlighter orange are not real colors. Okay? Are you a hunter trying not to get shot or a construction worker? No, you're not. You're trying to seduce someone. So lets get rid of this monstrosity and find something that'll make your eyes look pretty." 18) "I love you very much and it's because I love you that I can say this. Please don't wear that outfit or you will embarrass me." 19) "You just kissed me." "Yeah, I did." "Why? Did I seem like I was drowning or that I needed mouth to mouth? Were you trying to kill a bug with your lips? Why would you kiss me?" "I like you. A lot." "Hahaha...wait, seriously?" "Why's that so hard to believe?" "Because I'm me, people don't like me, they just like looking at me." "Well, I like you. A lot. And if you like me maybe we could get some dinner later or something." "Okay!" 20) "Oh my god, is that a skort? I think I might vomit. Skorts are for children, not adults. Once you hit eighteen you are legally banned from wearing skorts unless you play tennis or something. Do you play tennis? No. I didn't think so. Burn that." 21) "Camo is disgusting and if I ever catch any of you wearing it we are no longer friends." 22) "Your shorts are a little too short." "Yeah? You like it?" "You're attracting a lot of attention." "But am I attracting your attention?" 23) "Oh, wow, that's a bright shade of yellow. Um, why don't we try a few different outfits for fun before we decide on that one, okay?" 24) "Hey, I came as fast as I could, where's the body?" "Actually, I called you for a--you came here prepared to hide a body with me?" "Of course I did, you're my best friend." "Aww!" 25) "I only have sex for free when I like someone, and for you, honey? It'll cost triple what I normally charge."

Blue 1) "I heard the pet store got new puppies and kittens, wanna go see them with me?" 2) "We should go ice skating!" 3) "I love having picnics with you, you always bring my favorite foods." 4) "I love spending time with you." 5) "I think I wanna spend the rest of my life with you." 6) "Are you cold? You can wear my jacket if you want!" 7) "I don't want any of that stuff. I just want you. I've always wanted you." 8) "I wonder what it's like to hug a cloud." "Your hands would go right through it." "Yeah, but I've always wanted to touch one." 9) "Is it okay if we stay a little longer?" "We can stay until close if you'd like." "I just really like looking at the fish." "I know." 10) "Could you hug me for like an hour?" "Yeah, okay, wanna watch a movie while we do that or?" 11) "We have to leave right now. The Easter Bunny is at the store up the road and they're doing pictures." "You're an adult." "Please!!!" "Fine. We can go sit on the employee dressed in a rabbit suit's lap." "Yay! Thank you!" 12) "You can't eat that much cotton candy, you'll make yourself sick." "But it's good!" "You'll get a cavity." 13) "Can we go to the fair?" "We're not riding the toddler rides again. People gave us so many dirty looks last year." "But what about the teacups?" "We can ride the teacups, but none of the other kid ones." 14) "Can we shoot fireworks this year?" "You hate the ones with loud noises." "Yeah, but I like looking at them." "I'll buy earmuffs for you." 15) "Can we paint the side room." "Sure, what color?" "I was thinking like maybe a purple or green. Maybe all the colors." "Like a rainbow room? Why would we do the whole room?" "It'd be fun, it'd be cute for a side room or an office, maybe a baby room." "Baby room?" "Maybe. I mean, if you like that idea." "I think it's a great idea." 16) "Can we get a dog?" "You're an adult, if you want a dog you don't have to ask me." "Yeah, but it's your house too so..." "Yes, we can get a dog. We can go to the shelter tomorrow." 17) "So, I was thinking maybe we could have our wedding during the spring or maybe the summer." "You have bad allergies during those times." "Yeah, but I was thinking we could get fake flowers and I could take some allergy medication and it could still look like a spring or a summer wedding." "I'll start looking at fake flowers." "I'll check venues." 18) "Why are you up so early?" "Look outside! It's snowing!!!" "And you woke me up so we could play in it?" "Uh huh." "One hour and then you let me go back to sleep." "I'll go get my gloves!!" 19) "We have to go to the zoo." "You hate the zoo, you said you don't like seeing animals in cages." "I know but the goats just gave birth to baby goats and they're finally letting them out to be pet today!" 20) "I dream about flying all the time but I never thought I'd actually get to do it." 21) "Thanks for tonight, I had a really great time with you. I hope we can do it again soon." 22) "We should move in together. I mean, if you want." 23) "I don't want to lose you, and it took me a while to realize but I know what I want now. Will you marry me?" 24) "I wouldn't trade you for all the gold, silver, gems, or all the most expensive things in the world." 25) "You really are the love of my life."

Indigo 1) "They're obnoxious and loud and stupid and I can't believe I'm in love with them." 2) "You may be a star but you'll never be as big a star as VY Canis Majoris." 3) "The most fucked up thing I ever learned was that Luna moths don't have mouths or a digestive tract because their sole purpose is to mate. So they live for a week and then die because they starve to death." 4) "I think you have more outfits than you have IQ points." 5) "Can you just stop doing...whatever it is you're doing for like ten minutes." 6) "God you're so annoying, just stop breathing. Please? Just stop." 7) "I wish I were a plant, I wouldn't have to talk or think or do all this shit. I'd just have to soak up sunlight, soak up rain, and take in carbon dioxide. Being a plant really is the fucking dream." 8) "Hey, I heard Person A broke up with you. That sucks. So, um, do you think I could get my Chemistry book?" 9) "Are you still upset about your break up with Person A? You shouldn't be, I've seen their family members, they don't age well. But, um, that neighbor of yours, the cute one, their family looks pretty good. And with your genes you two would have some above average looking children." "Thank you?" "You're welcome." 10) "You know, you're terrible at giving advice." "Yeah, well, I'm not used to being around other humans." "Maybe just say people. Calling other people humans is kind of...weird." "Noted." 11) "Do you want to come to a party with me tonight?" "To what? Drink, embarrass myself, have to listen to terrible music, and interact with people I don't even like?" "Yes." "Pass. I'd rather be here studying plants." 12) "Would you like to go out sometime, on like a date?" "Sure, I guess. You just set up the blind date and I'll do my best. Though, maybe you could find me someone who at least can carry on a conversation with me." "No, I mean would you want to go out on a date with me?" "With you? Why would you want to date me? Don't you have plenty of other options?" "I like you." "We wouldn't work out. You and I are too different. You are good looking and nice and deserve someone who's like you. You don't want someone like me anyways. Besides I'd bore you to death before the appetizers came out." 13) "I care about you." "You? Thought you didn't care about anyone." "I don't. Usually. But I think the reason I care so much is because I like you." "You like me?" "Yeah, it's um... it's a new feeling for sure." 14) "What they said back there. You're not a robot." "No, I am. They're right. It's hard for me to be like the others. I didn't grow up having friends so I didn't know what it was like to care about anything other than school or projects." "You care about me. You said you care about me. Is that true." "Of course it's true." "Then you're not a robot." 15) "You kissed me back there. Why did you do that?" "I was testing a hypothesis." "Oh yeah? What was your hypothesis." "You would kiss me back if I kissed you." "And the results?" "Well, if worked the first time. But a good scientists always checks their work to be sure, right?" "That's correct, yes." 16) "Have you ever kissed anyone?" "I've done a lot of things." "Have you had sex?" "Yes, but it was purely for research. I wanted to know what certain things felt like and what certain things would do for others." "Only you could manage to make sex sound so boring." 17) "Hey, I was--are you watching porn?" "I'm researching for an experiment." "What kind? You gonna see what happens when you put your hand down your pants to that?" "No, I was studying to see if I could tell the difference between a real orgasm and a fake one." "If you wanted to study that you could have just asked me." 18) "Do you think I should socialize more?" "Since when do you care what I think? You're the one with a billion degrees." "Well, you're better with people than I am." 19) "You're hugging me." "Yeah. It's what friends do, they hug." "It's, um, nice. I think." 20) "Yesterday I felt the urge to hug the mailman. Isn't that weird?" "Did you hug the mailman?" "No." "Then it's not that weird. Probably just your body telling you it needs to be touched physically, you know?" "What?" "You crave physical touch." 21) "I think I'm lonely." "Yeah, I think you are too." "Should I start dating?" "Do you want to date?" "Not particularly." "Then maybe just try getting friends." 22) "If I have to spend another evening with that idiot I might lose it." "Is this because they thought photosynthesis had to do with photography?" "Don't remind me." 23) "We're having dinner with my friends tonight." "They hate me." "They don't hate you, you're just smarter than all of them combined." 24) "I can't talk to Person A, they tried to ask me about plant cells and actually thought that I was talking about a cellphone made of plants." "They're not very good at Science, but they like you a lot an they're trying to find ways to talk to you. It's cute. You should give them a chance. Take them to a Science museum." "Like, the ones for kids?" "Yeah. They'll love it." "Fine, but if it starts to go bad I'm texting you to call me and say there's an emergency so I can get out of it." "As long as you give it a try." 25) "They're in love with you, you know? Why do you ruin all your chances at love?" "Because sometimes I'm not sure I'm capable of feeling it."

Violet 1) "You smell like desperation. That a new cologne/perfume or is that just you?" 2) "I'm not here to play nice, I'm here to protect your ass because you couldn't follow simple instructions!" 3) "God, you are so annoying. I can't believe I have to put up with you for six months." 4) "Get your shit, we're getting out of here. I'm not leaving you in this hellhole, alright? Pack your stuff, you're coming with me." 5) "Are we gonna be a family?" "Let's not call it that, let's call it I'm taking care of you for a while alright?" "For how long?" "For as long as you want me to." 6) "Are you gonna be my mom/dad?" "WOAH! No. Absolutely not. I'll be your guardian, okay? And it's only temporary." 7) "Goddamn it, kid, wake up! You can't annoy the shit out of me for months and make me care about you just so you can die like this. I'm not allowing it. Come on, get up, kid. If you get up I'll take you to that Funland place you wanted to go. Anywhere you wanna go. I'll be better to you. I'll...fuck! I'll take care of you for the rest of your life. I'll teach you how to ride a bike and be there for you when you do Science fairs and shit. I'll be your mom/dad." 8) "You're stupid trying to save me like that. You can't swim." "You never taught me how to." "Yeah, well, I'm gonna teach you when we get out of here." 9) "You're evil and manipulative and you're mean and I kinda love that about you, kid. You remind me of me. If you want a place to sleep and food you don't have to dig out of the trash you can stay with me as long as you want." 10) "Can I get a motorcycle?" "Absolutely not, kid. As long as I'm alive the only two wheel thing you'll be riding on is a fucking bicycle." "Well, can I get a bicycle?" "Yeah, we can steal you one later." 11) "You might be the most annoying person I've ever met in the world but I'd die for you." 12) "If you ever come near me or my family I'll fucking kill you. I will bury you in a shallow grave and leave you as food for the worms. Do you understand me?" 13) "You're not going to die here because I'm gonna protect you." 14) "Hey, you trust me don't you?" "Yeah." "Good, you're going to have to disguise yourself. And whatever you do keep your head down, don't talk, and don't let go of me, okay?" 15) "Hey short stack." "You came for me?" "Course I did, did you really think I'd leave you behind?" 16) "I'm coming with you." "You're not." "I am and you can't stop me." "I can handcuff you to that bench over there and leave Person A the keys." "...well I would appreciate if you didn't do that." 17) "Hey there, stranger, haven't seen you in a while." "What the fuck are you doing here?" "Is that really how you greet your best friend?" 18) "Out of my way." "You'll die if you go in there." "And you'll die if I don't go in there." 19) "I'm always gonna be here for you, you know that? 20) "Woah, what's wrong, why are you crying?" "You'll be leaving after this." "Come here, I'm not leaving you after this. I'm staying here with you. Did you really think I'd leave you here all alone? You can barely make toast." 21) "Hey, you can't run off like that again, do you hear me?" "Yeah, whatever-" "No! No, you don't get to whatever me about this. You could have fucking died out there. So you look me in the eye and you promise me you're never going to do that again!" "I-I promise I'll never do it again!" 22) "Look, I'm not your parent so I'm not going to tell you what to do, but that kid you're hanging around is bad news. I've seen their arrest record, you shouldn't be hanging around them. I know they're nice right now but people like that take advantage of nice. I would know. I used to be like them." 23) "I love you. More than anything in the world and that's why I train so hard. I have to train harder because now I have to be stronger. Because now I finally have something worth fighting for." 24) "You can't come with me. You're staying here." "I want to fight!" "You're sick. You need to stay here with Person A, take some medicine, and get some rest." 25) "Hey, watch your mouth, no one talks like that in front of my kid!"

[we-are-inevitable]

modern art // javid (ch. 1)

A/N: hi !! so some of you may remember an old songfic i did in march of last year, titled ‘modern art’ after the song “IDK You Yet” by Alexander 23. well, i’ve always thought that that one shot would work great as a stand alone fic, and here we are! i have ch. 1 edited and SO MUCH of it as changed- like, for example, the fic is a chapter fic now !! regardless, i hope you guys like this !!

WARNINGS: depression, anxiety, self-deprecation, past addiction, mentions of addiction, just general Bad Times- pls be mindful when reading !! it’s just very Not Happy rn ADDITIONAL INFO: all characters are in their mid-twenties in the fic. oh also this is probably important but it’s a soulmate au !!

Read On AO3!

tag list: @bound-for-santa-fe @wannabecowboypunk @shippingcannons @yahfancyclamwiththepurlinside @smallsies @deliciouspeachpirate @newsies-is-my-erster 

Jack doesn't know what’s going on with himself, but he knows that he could really use his soulmate right about now.

They’ve communicated before. Never verbally, and never enough to reveal who they were. Perhaps they are both just... dealing with some unspoken fears, dealing with the worry of rejection sitting heavy in their chests. Perhaps they both like this mystery- the uncertainty that came with the notes scrawled across their bodies in a handwriting that isn’t their own.

Or perhaps they just aren’t ready to take the plunge. To grow up and face the harsh fact that, as soon as they meet, wherever and whenever that may be, a new chapter of their life will unfold. Consume them. Change anything and everything they’ve ever known or held dear.

They had been braver when they were children, that much was true. Jack remembers staying up late often, writing notes on his skin and watching in awe as the replies appeared. He remembers the giddy rush of trying to quickly wash off the ink on his wrist when they ran out of space to talk, and, oh, how they talked. There were school days when Jack would go to class exhausted, feeling like he’d been walking through quicksand for miles on end, but all of it had been worth it. The exhaustion he felt had been worth being able to talk to them until two, three, four in the morning. Sometimes he regretted it, of course, but only because it was harder for him to focus in class. Never because he was upset at them.

He could never be upset with them.

Even now, Jack remembers a lot about his soulmate. They liked music. They knew how to play the piano. They were into a few video games, even some that Jack had never played, and said that they always tried carrying a book with them wherever they went. Jack remembers that, as a younger kid, they liked Harry Potter and Percy Jackson, but also liked analyzing Shakespeare and Edgar Allen Poe and a bunch of other fancy authors that Jack had never even heard of. They were intimidatingly smart, and sometimes, would carefully correct Jack’s grammar whenever he misspelled a word or something- but they were never mean about it, they were just… there. A steady presence that he could count on.

Fifteen year old Jack dreamed of finding them one day. But now, twenty-five year old Jack is losing hope.

He can’t exactly help it. For starters, he and his soulmate haven’t communicated in… well, shit, it had to be nearly a year. Maybe nine months or so, but there’s no way to tell for sure, and even then, their conversations since reaching adulthood have been dull, for lack of a better word. A few positive comments here, a ‘have a good day’ there- it’s all so mundane, and neither of them can be blamed for it. They both have busy lives- or, well, Jack does, at least. His job as a graphic designer is hard enough on its own, but the added pressure of doing freelance work and commissions on the side has been eating away at him for weeks, coupled with debilitating self-doubt and lack of motivation for… anything.

Saying that he’s overwhelmed is the understatement of the century.

There is always another design, another client, another meeting, another deadline, another sleepless night as he stares at a blank canvas and prays for a spark of inspiration from whatever God is listening. Usually his inspiration comes from the world around him- his friends, city life, even the quiet confines of his apartment, but right now... Jack is stuck. He had holed himself up in his room days ago, trying and failing to get out of bed every morning when the time came to work- and thank God that the majority of his work could be done from home. His boss was understanding, too, to an extent.

Still, though, there’s a constant heavy weight on his chest that prevents him from moving most days, and he’s lucky if he even gets up long enough to shower or eat or do literally anything aside from lie in silence and count the cracks in his ceiling.

Nothing had happened to him recently to bring this on, from what he can tell. Jack has always been the happy-go-lucky leader, the man with a plan, the guy who always knew just what to say to motivate others into doing the best thing for themselves, but when that responsibility is reflected back onto himself, Jack feels helpless. There are words waiting to be said, sketches waiting to be drawn, designs waiting to be sent to clients… yet Jack lies there, motionless in his room for three days before he even has the energy, the willpower, to pull back his curtains and allow the sunlight to shine through. There is so much he wants to do, so much he needs to do, but he can't bring himself to do any of it.

In all twenty-five years of his life, through all of the things he’s been through, the ups and downs and foster homes and graduations and birthdays and funerals and therapists and rehab facilities and whatever the fuck else life decided to throw at him, Jack has never felt so worthless, so… lonely. His closest friends are all moving on with their lives. Many have already found their soulmate, have settled down and hidden their rowdy, rambunctious pasts behind skeletons in a closet. They’d all gotten their adventures done and over with in high school and college, and most are moving onto bigger and better things in life. They have careers. Families. Some have children, others have pets, a few have an insane amount of plants to care for.

All have seemingly left Jack behind in the dust.

No one told him when to flip the switch.

No one told him when he had aged out of adventure.

Now, they would never say it, but Jack knows. He knows. Saturday hangouts and trips to the bar had been replaced by Sunday church services and playdates for the kids. Rather than hearing yelling from his living room after his friends had all been teetering just on the edge between tipsy and fucked up, Jack hears the news, and documentaries, and podcasts, and the ghosts of a past life that he still seemed to be desperately clinging on to.

Katherine had been the one to tell him that he needed to grow up, though she didn’t put it in such a blunt manner. No, she’s just.... gently urging him to find a bigger apartment, or buy matching furniture from a place that is not a thrift store, or purchase dishes that weren’t of the plastic Walmart brand. She says it was because she wants to see him in a more professional, "adulty" lifestyle, but he knows it’s really because she can see that he’s a mess.

Deep down, Jack knows she’s right. She’s always right.

He just can’t help but feel cemented in place, dreaming of the past while dreading the new future ahead of him.

Jack never asked to feel so broken for no reason. All of the hope and optimism he had felt as a teenager was gone, lost in a sea of uncertain plans and shitty jobs and bill extensions and canvases dropped onto the floor with no rhyme or reason. And, yes, maybe Jack would look dramatic to someone who didn’t know his situation, but Jack knows what dramatic feels like. Dramatic feels like watching his best friend, Charlie, belt onstage in front of a backdrop that he helped create for the school play. Dramatic feels like laughing at the top of his lungs while walking through a random gas station at two in the morning, joined by Race and Al, all while higher than a kite. Dramatic feels like driving to the outskirts of the city with Katherine, climbing onto the roof of an old building and screaming about all of their stress, their anxiety, their insecurities, just to have some form of emotional release.

Dramatic doesn’t feel like sadness. It’s not supposed to.

Not for Jack.

He had been so… so happy, as a teenager. Proud and defiant and carefree. He was the kind of guy to skate and smoke weed in Central Park until midnight and take a math test at eight in the morning the next day. He was the kid who stood on a table in the cafeteria and came out as bisexual to everyone around him, just because of a dumbass bet that he didn’t even get paid for. He was the boy who wasn’t at all good in an academic sense, but who always knew how to talk himself out of trouble, who always came up with the most ridiculous- or most believable- lies to cover his ass when he needed it, who was always the class favorite, the teacher’s pet without meaning to be.

Jack had felt on top of the world back then, but now he’s struggling to even get off of the ground. The longer time goes on, the more lost Jack feels inside his own life. He feels like something was missing, something big. Something bigger than himself.

When his mother was alive, which now felt like lifetimes ago, she would often echo this old wives’ tale about how it’s best to find your soulmate while you’re younger, just to save them- and yourself- the pain of being alone for a long time. Jack had always kind of believed her; logically, he knew it was true, but he had always told himself that it wouldn’t happen to him. That he would be fine alone, though it wouldn’t be ideal, and that he would have plenty of time for soulmates after he got out and made a name for himself.

He’s starting to think, though, that maybe she was right. Maybe Jack had waited too long to make a move, to make contact again, because now, he just feels nauseous even thinking about it.

Don’t get him wrong, he knows the negative effects of self deprecation and not taking his own mental health seriously, he’s been to rehab before, blah, blah, blah, but, fuck, how could he put his soulmate through something like this? This fucked up state of mind he has now. Jack can’t even imagine talking to Katherine about this, and Katherine had been his best friend for over a decade. He can’t just meet his soulmate now- it’s been too long, he’s too messed up, they won’t like him, they’ll hate him for not trying hard enough, and Jack will just end up alone again, wasting away in his bedroom because no one fucking cares. No one cares. He has nobody.

That’s not true. He has Medda, his mom, his savior, his impulse control, but the thought of telling her that everything is acting up again makes him want to scream. He has Tony, but Tony has Al, and Tony and Al have a kid- a sweet little five year old girl who calls Jack ‘Uncle Jackie’ and takes no shit from anyone. He has Katherine, but Katherine has her soulmate- this dude named Darcy, who Jack doesn’t have much of an opinion on because they just met, like, a month ago, and Jack hasn’t exactly been emotionally ready for a hangout session between the three of them. He also has Charlie, and Charlie has certainly seen him in worse times- like when Jack was kind of hooked on pills for the entirety their freshman year of college- but Charlie has grad school to worry about and Charlie would hate him if he bothered him with this.

Still, there are other people who would listen, probably. He could easily talk to Elmer, or Romeo, or Specs, or Jojo or Finch or Sean or a fucking therapist but that’s just it, isn’t it? If he talks, he burdens, and Jack Francisco Kelly would rather run himself into the ground than be a burden anyone.

So, he makes a vow.

He makes eye contact with his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He’s gripping onto the sink, holding on for dear life, as he stares into his own sunken eyes. He takes in his appearance. Damp, messy hair, falling down to cover his forehead. Pale skin, which isn’t normal at all. Dark circles have taken their place around his eyes, and his smile- one of his favorite things about himself- is… nonexistent.

Distantly, Jack registers himself dumping a full bottle of ibuprofen into the sink. And then, he does the same thing with the bottle of melatonin from his medicine cabinet. The valium follows. He lets the water run for a long time. It's not that he doesn't trust himself- he'd done so, so good in rehab, and he doesn't even feel urges that often anymore- but it's better safe than sorry, especially since he's like... this.

This is not the Jack Kelly he’s used to anymore. This is not the Jack Kelly he wants to be.

But this Jack Kelly is the one who vows not to reach out. The one who vows to only answer when his soulmate is ready, and maybe not even then.

He doesn’t have to wait long, though.

Not when a heart appears on the back of his hand the next morning.

It’s there when Jack wakes up, and, honestly, it almost brings Jack to tears- but not necessarily for happy reasons. Sure, Jack wants to be happy. Who wouldn’t be happy after seeing something like this? A lopsided heart drawn in red ink, right on the back of his left hand- it was the definition of a symbol, of a romantic gesture, and Jack wants so badly to write back, to strike up conversation, to draw a goddamn heart, but… he can’t.

He can’t, and that’s horrible of him, and he knows it.

Right now, though… Jack can’t even work up the courage, the energy, to call his mom.

His soulmate, whoever they are, is going to have to wait.

[thebraingremlinsaremad]

Daily Blog #15: August 22, 2021

Dollar Tree is honestly pretty fucking awesome 👌👌👌

I set my alarm for like 6:25 this morning, but it took 6 minutes for the "Horsin' Around" theme song instrumental to wake me up. I was pretty tired lol. I just dismissed it and went back to sleep.

I only went back to sleep because I knew I had another alarm set for 7:00. That got me up.

I should mention that this was still in the RV over an hour away from the house.

After I got up, I went to go get a shower, and did so successfully.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten my brush this time and had to do it afterwards after my hair had a bit of time to dry, which did make it a little more difficult lol.

I got dressed and grabbed my stuff, putting it into my car.

I made it a point to see and say "see you later" to my grandparents before I left for the flea market.

My dad insisted that I stayed to say goodbye to my mom, so I left.

I did NOT have cell service up there, as was mentioned in my previous 2 blogs of which I could only post today, so finding my way was a tiny bit difficult until I got some service to ask Google to take me to "...".

It worked and I got there.

On my drive, I listened to 1 by Simple Kid, a CD I had previously purchased at a Dollar Tree location.

I got a call from the guy at the flea market saying that I had some people there waiting for me. He asked how far away I was, to which I said "about 10 minutes." Ironically, that call made me miss my exit, as Google couldn't talk during the call, and added about 3 minutes to my arrival time lmao.

I did sell the Xbox that he said someone was interested in. I got $40 for it. I spent 27¢ on it. Pretty good return if you ask me.

I couldn't sell it with anything other than a power cord because the controller and AV cables I had been using to play it there were for my personal console. I'm just glad I can actually hook my Xbox up and stop having to drag them to the flea market along with a small library of games.

Not too long after I sold the Xbox, someone came in and asked if I wanted to see some electronics he had in his car. I went out with him. It was a pair of 3ft speakers and a Pioneer audio system with dual cassette decks (although neither of them works) and a 25 Disc CD-changer, as well as the standard AM/FM tuner. Additionally, there was a Fisher amplifier and AM/FM tuner as well as a Fisher Direct Drive turntable. He said he wanted $60 for em, but before that he casually, and probably accidentally, dropped that he was just gonna take em to the thrift store.

Big mistake.

I got em for $35 lmao. THERE GOES MOST OF MY PROFIT.

Oh well.

I tested everything. As I mentioned, the cassette decks don't work, but everything else does apart from the turntable needing a new stylus.

I posted some new photos of the shop to Facebook, and someone soon DMed me about a stereo system.

I priced everything, and it turns out I have about $300 worth of equipment from that deal, the Fisher amp and tuner being worth about $150.

The buyer will hopefully show up next weekend, for he wants to buy the Fisher stuff ($185 with the turntable), the 3ft speakers, an 8-track deck, and a Kenwood deck we've had for a week or two.

The speakers are listed for $50 (and are worth around $100-150), the Kenwood Deck for $50 as well, and the 8-track for $35. That makes it about $320 in equipment. Since he's buying so much, I'll knock it down to $270 and essentially give him the speakers or cassette deck for free lol.

Apart from that stuff, not much happened at the flea market. I sold some records, cassettes, CDs and I think 2 DVDs. One person bought a VHS tape? That money was the other guy's though. Oh well xD.

I can't say that I didn't miss my wonderful partner while on the trip. I actually brought along the stuffed animal they gave me (who's name is Greg) and snuggled with him both nights.

I was very happy to hear from them UwU.

They let me rant and I let them rant.

I honestly give them too much responsibility over me xD. I'm like, "Okay, I'm gonna do this. HOLD ME TO IT."

I know I can't hold myself to anything I personally say (this blog being the only exception apparently), but I listen to them pretty well I think 🤔. If they tell me, "No, you don't need that VCR," so long as it's not some weird specialty thing, like a worldwide VCR 🥵, I'll be like "Yeah, you rite bro."

I love you man xD. You control my craziness pretty well. I'm so thankful for you UwU.

#relationshipgoals

So part way through the flea market day, I went over to Dollar Tree to buy some snack, but ended up looking through the CDs to see if there was anything good. I took photos of about 18 CDs and flipped through them online for the remainder of the flea market day.

I deleted the photos of the ones I didn't want and kept those that I liked. Surprisingly, I ended up buying 13 CDs there, but not before dropping them on the floor like the dumbass I am.

Also, sorry for all the nerd shit I spilled on your lap earlier. No one cares about amps and tuners xD.

I'M LISTENING TO ONE OF THE DOLLAR TREE CDS RIGHT NOW THO.

I already transferred over to my online library on iBroadcast and put the disc into my CD changer, which is now holding 164 CDs.

Its max capacity is 300 discs 🥵

WHY AM I NERD

Oh well

I like being a nerd gurl

Also maybe a technosexual 👀

I get really excited over some electronics. Like. REALLY excited.

Some editing VCRs are like "Holy shit that is SEXY. Look at those goddamn VU meters 🥵. And hhhh there are like 7 inputs on this thing and individual controls for left and right audio gain, not to mention Hi-Fi S-VHS recording. Hhhhhhhhhhh please gimme 😭. Why are you so expensive?"

I uh, mean, uh, *cough* look, pretty lights.

Oh yeah, I was gonna say the album I was listening to xD. MAN I GOT SIDETRACKED.

It's 37 Everywhere by Punchline. Def give it a listen; it's pretty heccin good.

Another notable album I picked up was Page One by Steven Page. I very much like the first track, "A New Shore." It's quite catchy and he has a great voice imo.

Also at dollar tree, I bought a regular bag of Fieras and 2 bags of Fieras Sticks, which were marked down to 75¢/bag because they're expiring soon.

I honestly like the generic Dollar Tree version of Takis more than actual Takis. They're a lot more flavorful when it comes to the lime, but also hotter at the same time.

Don't get the hot nacho ones tho. Hot nacho? More like hot pile of shit.

HAH

Goteem.

They're not that good xD.

THE REGULAR ONES ARE FIRE THO

"How do you do fellow kids?"

I got home and started working on putting the CDs onto my computer, and then onto iBroadcast, but not without first adding The Music Man to my digital library, something I had neglected for a month or two. The CD had just been sitting there lol.

I also switched my digital file for "The Black Parade" to that of the uncensored CD, which I had purchased before I event started working over 2 months ago.

MAN I'M LAZY

I eventually get around to shit tho lol. I guess it's just a matter of priority.

What usually takes priority is digging through everything to find something that I forgot about but then remembered, making a mess in the process that I would then have to clean up, at least partially.

I think the album just ended. I've been writing for a while xD. I'ma start "I Made You Something" by The Island of the Misfit Toys.

I'll tell you where that album came from in a minute.

In the meantime, where was I?

I kinda lost my train of thought despite reading up to see where I was. Oh well. On I go.

I ate dinner and kept working on those CDs, eventually putting my clothes from the week into the washer.

I FORGOT TO PUT MY SHAPING UNDERWEAR IN. FUCKING HELL MAN.

I wanted to wash em for this week 😭

No tight pants for Leonna I guess qwq.

Meanwhile, the box of my CD album cases is overflowing. I need another box.

I keep all of the album artworks in a big CD folder. That's almost full.

I wanna fill my entire CD changer. That's one of my big goals in life. Idk why, but I just wanna legitimately fill the entire thing.

My clothes are in the dryer now. I don't think I have the time (or energy) to fold them tonight. I'll leave that for tomorrow morning before work.

And God. Fucking. Damnit. I start school again on Wednesday. NOT looking forward to that, and neither are my 2 coworkers. We already have low enough staff, but only the two of them working is gonna be a pain in the ass.

I'll still work Saturdays.

I need to contact my guidance counselor to get out of the gym class I signed up for. I scheduled this shit before I found out I was trans, and I don't wanna deal with the fucking locker room situation 🙄 I have far more important matters.

Okay so anyway, the album I'm listening to came from a cassette. I bought this cassette a few months ago at the flea market along with a few others. The reason I bought them? They were all newer cassette releases from the 2010's, and they're all actually pretty good music from very indie bands.

Currently getting mad at iBroadcast's compression algorithm. It's unnaturally fucking anything over -10db up. Oh well, there's not really anything I can do about it.

I have like 13GB of music on my phone btw. That's about 3.5k songs on 268 albums.

I'm kind of an audiophile, but I'm too cheap to pay for a lossless service. Oh well.

They do actually have a lossless service on iBroadcast, but once again, too cheap.

Someone just sent me a friend request who legitimately posted that BLM and the democratic party are hate groups.

BLOCK.

Goodbye ho.

I don't get that. They call the democratic party a hate group when they hate people like me, and I, being more of a democrat although not fully because the 2-party system is fucked, think nothing more of them than they're very wrong about certain things, especially, as shown, that black people, as well as asian, Indian, native, and people of all ethnicities and backgrounds, are not equal to white people.

Yeh.

Totally.

You go buddy.

Anyway, yeah, I can, and do, convert music and video from analog formats to digital files in order for me to archive and listen to whenever and wherever I please. I've actually made a bit of a business out of it, but I don't get too much work from it. At least I'm not overloading myself xD.

I honestly have so much more to say, but I should probably go to sleep soon.

A few final shoutouts to the following people and companies:

-Dollar Tree

-Steven Page

-Broken World Media

-The Island of Misfit Toys

-Simple Kid

-Punchline

-My incredible partner QwQ I love you so much. Thanks for being the best all the time. I hope I can give you the best life ever.

Anyway I suppose this is goodnight. Lmk if you want a full list of the CDs I bought today! I'll link that song by Steven Page here.

And here's a good song from Simple Kid

I really like music lol. Enjoy these pieces.

Anyway, goodnight lol.

Lots of love,

-Leonna.

[nyahsaqueen]

Task 001: Character Playlist.

Death Becomes Her - a Nyah Queen playlist

Snippets of Lyrics below:

1. tipsy - Chloe x Halle

man just this entire song is her vibe, k bye

I've been crucified, darling Ghosts haunt me like New Orleans I've been charged with murder Need someone to push me further I'll hit you where it hurts, yeah If you don't put me first, yeah And I don't give no apologies If you lose a life, that's not on me, yeah

[Pre-Chorus] Better, baby, better treat me better Better than those other guys who change up like the weather, yeah It is such a shame that they went missing, they can't find 'em now Oh, I wonder how I accidentally put them in the ground, yeah

[Chorus] I might be a little tipsy on your love Makes me a little crazy, but so what? You're strumming on my heartstrings, don't be dumb If you love your little life, then don't fuck up

[Verse 2] I'll take you to the afterlife Boy, if you ain't actin' right Key your car and crash the lights Hit your head, I'm not polite Then I'll hunt down your family Let 'em know 'bout the tragedy Who did it? A mystery But you know that it, it was me, yeah

2. scream - Michael Jackson & Janet Jackson

 Tired of injustice Tired of the schemes The lies are disgusting So what does it mean, damn it? Kicking me down I got to get up As jacked as it sounds The whole system sucks, damn it

Peek in the shadow Come into the light You tell me I'm wrong Then you better prove you're right! You're selling out souls but I I care about mine I've got to get stronger And I won't give up the fight

3. girls like us - Zoe Wees

 It's hard for girls like us We don't know who we trust Not even the ones we love 'Cause they don't know

4. motive - Ariana Grande & Doja Cat

'Cause I see you tryin', subliminally tryin' To see if I'm gon' be the one that's in your arms I admit it's exciting, parts of me kinda like it But before I lead you on

Baby, tell me, what's your motive? (Motive)

You treat me like gold, baby Now you wanna spoil me Did you want a trophy or you wanna sport me, baby? Want me on your neck 'cause you wanted respect 'Cause you fightin' some war, baby Well, I had to bring the fists out, had to put a wall up But don't trust phonies, baby (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah) You gotta tell me, what's your motive, baby?

5. boss bitch - Doja Cat

Yeah, ain't tryna be cool like you Wobblin' around in your high heel shoes I'm clumsy, made friends with the floor Two for one, you know a bitch buy four And two left feet, you know I always drop First thing a girl did was a bop I'm the whole damn cake and the cherry on top Shook up the bottle, made a good girl pop

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss I'm a bitch and a boss, I'ma shine like gloss

6. nightmare - Halsey

"Come on, little lady, give us a smile" No, I ain't got nothin' to smile about I got no one to smile for, I waited a while for A moment to say I don't owe you a goddamn thing

7. all the stars - Kendrick Lamar, SZA

Tell me what you gon' do to me Confrontation ain't nothin' new to me You can bring a bullet, bring a sword, bring a morgue But you can't bring the truth to me Fuck you and all your expectations I don't even want your congratulations I recognize your false confidence And calculated promises all in your conversation I hate people that feel entitled Look at me crazy 'cause I ain't invite you Oh, you important? You the moral to the story? You endorsin'? Mothafucka, I don't even like you Corrupted man's heart with a gift That's how you find out who you dealin' with A small percentage who I'm buildin' with I want the credit if I'm losin' or I'm winnin' On my momma, that's the realest shit

8. needed me - Rihanna

But baby, don't get it twisted You was just another n**** on the hit list Tryna fix your inner issues with a bad bitch Didn't they tell you that I was a savage? Fuck ya white horse and ya carriage Bet you never could imagine Never told you you could have it

You needed me Ooh, you needed me To feel a little more, and give a little less Know you hate to confess But baby ooh, you needed me 9. checklist - Normani, Calvin Harris feat. Wizkid

Come show me what the neck ’bout Might show you what the check ’bout Might show you what that net 'bout Give it all to you if you check out Way you moving it around me Make me feel like you wan’ drown me Make me feel like you wan' wet me Only you know how to get me up

10. truth hurts - Lizzo

You tried to break my heart? Oh, that breaks my heart That you thought you ever had it No, you ain't from the start Hey, I'm glad you're back with your bitch I mean, who would wanna hide this? I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever be your side chick I put the sing in single Ain't worried 'bout a ring on my finger So you can tell your friend, "Shoot your shot" when you see him It's okay, he already in my DMs

I'ma hit you back in a minute (Yeah, yeah) I don't play tag, bitch, I been it (One time) We don't fuck with lies (Two times), we don't do goodbyes (Woo) We just keep it pushing like ay-ay-ay

11. juice - Lizzo

If I'm shinin', everybody gonna shine (Yeah, I'm goals) I was born like this, don't even gotta try (Now you know) I'm like chardonnay, get better over time (So you know) Heard you say I’m not the baddest, bitch, you lie (Haha)

It ain’t my fault that I'm out here gettin’ loose Gotta blame it on the Goose Gotta blame it on my juice, baby It ain't my fault that I'm out here makin' news I’m the pudding in the proof Gotta blame it on my juice Ya-ya-ee, ya-ya-ee, ya-ya-ee, ya-ya-ee Blame it on my juice, blame it, blame it on my juice

12. motivation - normani

 Fallin'  into the bed Why would we ever do somethin' instead of Fallin' into the bed right now? Yeah

I'ma break you off, let me be your motivation To stay and give it tonight And, baby, turn around, let me give you innovation Hey, 'cause I do it so right Think about it, ooh, I think about it Think about it, ooh, take a look at me now Hey, a little motivation, alright

13. mi gente - J Balvin, Willy William

Esquina a esquina, de ahí no' vamo' El mundo es grande, pero lo tengo en mi' manos Estoy muy duro, sí, ok, ahí vamos Y con el tiempo nos seguimos elevando

English: i’m rusty, i had to get some google help

Corner on the corner, that’s where we go The world is big, but I have it in my hands I’m very tough, yes, okay, there we go And over time we keep going up

14. sorry not sorry - Demi Lovato

Now, I'm out here lookin' like revenge Feelin' like a ten, the best I've ever been And, yeah, I know how bad it must hurt to see me like this But it gets worse (Wait a minute) Now, you're out here lookin' like regret, ain't too proud to beg Second chance, you'll never get And, yeah, I know how bad it must hurt to see me like this But it gets worse (Wait a minute)

Now, payback is a bad bitch And baby, I'm the baddest You fuckin' with a savage Can't have this, can't have this (Ah) And it'd be nice of me to take it easy on ya, but nah

Baby, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry)

15. django jane - Janelle Monáe

And hit the mute button, let the vagina have a monologue Mansplaining, I fold 'em like origami What's a wave, baby? This a tsunami For the culture, I kamikaze, I put my life on a life line If she the G.O.A.T. now, would anybody doubt it?

16. perfect illusion - Lady Gaga

Tryin' to get control Pressure's takin' its toll Stuck in the middle zone I just want you alone My guessing game is strong Way too real to be wrong Caught up in your show Yeah, at least now I know

It wasn't love, it wasn't love It was a perfect illusion (Perfect illusion) Mistaken for love, it wasn't love It was a perfect illusion (Perfect illusion) You were a perfect illusion

17. formation - Beyoncé

I see it, I want it, I stunt; yellow bone-it I dream it, I work hard, I grind 'til I own it I twirl on them haters, albino alligators El Camino with the seat low, sippin' Cuervo with no chaser Sometimes I go off (I go off), I go hard (I go hard) Get what's mine (Take what's mine), I'm a star (I'm a star) 'Cause I slay (Slay), I slay (Hey), I slay (Okay), I slay (Okay) All day (Okay), I slay (Okay), I slay (Okay), I slay (Okay) We gon' slay (Slay), gon' slay (Okay), we slay (Okay), I slay (Okay) I slay (Okay), okay (Okay), I slay (Okay), okay, okay, okay, okay Okay, okay, ladies, now let's get in formation, 'cause I slay Okay, ladies, now let's get in formation, 'cause I slay Prove to me you got some coordination, 'cause I slay Slay trick, or you get eliminated

18. be careful - Cardi B

Be careful with me, do you know what you doin'? Whose feelings that you're hurtin' and bruisin'? You gon' gain the whole world But is it worth the girl that you're losin'? Be careful with me Yeah, it's not a threat, it's a warnin' Be careful with me Yeah, my heart is like a package with a fragile label on it Be careful with me

19. i like that - Janelle Monáe

I remember when you called me weird We was in math class, third row, I was sitting by you Right before Mr. Ammond’s class 'Cause my mama couldn’t afford new Js Polos, thrift store, thrift clothes that was all I knew Do you remember? Uh, I remember when you laughed when I cut my perm off And you rated me a six I was like, “Damn” But even back then with the tears in my eyes I always knew I was the shit 20. W - Koffee feat. Gunna

Everything we do, we give thanks, tell dem wah we do Lowe di L, take di W (Ayy, ayy) One thing deh out deh fi you (Ayy, ayy) And it nah come if you no go

[gustafsnightangel]

Shattered Lives Ch 21 Pt 1

He woke early to tend to Lily and the twins letting Sildie sleep. He’d put her through hell this week and it troubled him. He’d put them all through hell if he was being completely honest. He couldn’t feel lower than he already did even though she’d said he was forgiven, he still felt like an asshole.

“Can we play games?” Liam asked.

“Finn can but I understand you have this weekend as a games free weekend, yes?” Gustaf said sitting Lily in her chair.

“Pleeeease?” He begged.

“No, Liam. Sorry, little man I’m already in enough trouble this week. It would be both our asses and I’m not about to override Ama on punishment fitting the crime.” He said and ruffled the kids hair as he pouted. “She’s the boss, and you can’t disappear like that in the middle of the night even if it was only next door to see me.”

“Worth a try.” He muttered as he sat for breakfast.

“Yeah, but choose your battles dude.” He chuckled. “No way you were winning that one.” He looked at the kid and felt bad for him really. He’d poured his heart out that night. “Liam.” He said gently. “I know you’re hurting, but you can’t freak her out like that.”

“I didn’t know it would freak her out. I just wanted you.” He said quietly. Gustaf pulled his head to him to hug.

“I get it kid. I’m here now though ok. No more running away.” He said gently.

“I won’t. Can we please play games?”

“Nope, and you can’t play me off against Ama either. What she says, goes, dude. She’s the boss, she’s responsible for you guys. I don’t get a say in that side of things.” Not yet at least, he thought, one day maybe but that was a stretch, they were her kids. He was just along for the ride.

“Ok.” Liam said half heartedly, the kid would test the boundaries again no doubt.

Gustaf fed Lily, the little lady grinning at him with her mouth full. “That’s not very lady like Lily.” He snorted and the twins laughed, so Lily did it again. Once the breakfast dishes were done and stacked in the dishwasher he stretched out on the floor with Lily, content to let his mind drift while he played with her. His mind was exhausted with the past week and it was healing to just sit and relax with the tiny girl. The twins had pulled an old board game out and decided to keep themselves amused.

He was slightly apprehensive about what he’d find in the two remaining boxes but knew they had to get done, the painters would be in on Wednesday to start work on Sildie’s office. He had furniture arriving Friday, and then he could spend time on decorating it, finding all her law books, making it hers. Besides, she’d be right here if he needed her.

His mind wandered to their weekend away he was planning. He wanted that to be special for her, destress and for him to finally tell her he loved her. He just hoped he didn’t chicken out like last time. He felt closer to saying it today than he had back in the snow so that had to be something.

His gaze fell on the digital photo frame he’d purchased for Lily still sitting in the box, neglected. With everything that had happened since the girl’s birthday he’d forgotten to hang it for them. He switched his train of thought over, and decided to open it and see what he’d need to hang it up. Lily was helping when Sildie shuffled out in her robe looking a little disheveled. He liked that look on her, the one that said “I got fucked so good last night.”

“Good morning love.” He chuckled, the humor at her appearance coating his voice.

“Morning.” Her mumble was slightly irritable.

“You ok?” He frowned as she didn’t seem quite herself.

“Yeah. Just, I was really deep asleep and then I woke up and you weren’t there.” She yawned and headed to the kitchen. She tried so hard to shake it off like it wasn’t a big deal.

He closed the lid of the box and picked Lily up as he stood. It made his heart ache when he heard that slight edge of fear in her voice. He’d left her and the memory of it haunted her. She hadn’t said anything to him about it and realized she was probably holding it in so it wouldn’t weigh on him even though it did. He’d deal with that in the next few days, she couldn’t have that pressing on her too.

He wrapped an arm around her as she filled the kettle and put it onto boil, nuzzling her neck and kissing the spot just below her ear. Lily hugged her too and Sildie chuckled.

“Have the kids been good?” She asked as she turned to face him.

“Yeah. Liam tried for games. He did not succeed, obviously.” He grinned and pointed to the TV where it sat in silence.

“He’s a button pusher that one, like his father was.” She sighed as his hand found her hip under her robe. She’d missed that touch. Seductive, warm, loving. Home.

“Morning love.” He murmured again and kissed her tenderly.

“Good morning.”

“Sorry I wasn’t in bed. I wanted you to sleep some more.” He kissed her brow and he let his hand wander the bare skin of her hip, content to linger and breathe her in.

“I like waking up to you beside me, but thank you for the sleep in.” She kissed him, her tongue teasing his, she was burying it, he could see it. His hand gripped her hip as he deepened the kiss until she broke away to turn the kettle off, a hand resting on his chest.

“Going to hang that for us?” She asked looking at the box on the floor. “I didn’t get to it yet, too much going on.” She said quietly.

“I can if you want? What wall would you like it on?” He kissed her cheek as she made the tea and took the two cups to the table.

“I think the one beside the hall door so they can see it before bed. If it’ll fit there, there’s not much room but it does have an outlet.” She said as she brought the teapot to the table and sat down.

“I think we can manage that hey little lady?” He asked Lily and she squealed in delight. Gustaf kissed her neck so she giggled. He dipped down to kiss Sildie quickly before taking Lily back to the box and started to unpack it.

He was focused on the small project but his mind was busy with thoughts of Sildie. She was hurting, he’d lumped a ton of stress on her the past few weeks and the past few days had been hell, not just on him. She was burying it deep down for him, letting him heal. Knowing how fragile he was after yesterday’s find she was protecting him. He had to make this better.

She poured the tea and was content to be lost in her thoughts of watching him and Lily together, that same question circling her head like a damn buzzard. Did she want kids with him, did she want kids of her own, a family that they made? The thought had never really appealed to her, until Gustaf.

He was so good with the kids and she could see he wanted them, ones of his own as well as the ones he’d taken on. She saw that clear as day yesterday, the level of grief for the child that had never existed in anything but thought. If she didn’t want kids would he stay, she wondered? Would he give that up if she truly didn’t want to carry and birth a child, want to be responsible for another life? She really didn’t know how she felt about all that. She’d had relationships break down because she wouldn’t be the stay at home wife and mother, she wasn’t entirely sure she was cut out for it. I mean shit, she thought sarcastically, look how well this is all going and they aren’t even mine. Her career was her baby and that had always been the case. She sighed out carefully as all the emotions began to swim around in her head.

She wanted him, to be with him, grow old with him, enjoy life with him. Could they have that without children of their own? Would he resent her in the end? Would he hate her for it? Fuuuuck me, she growled inwardly, she really didn’t have the energy for all this and she was tired and irritable on top of it.

She got up and made some breakfast for herself and a snack for the twins as they came out in the hunt for food. She was sure they had hollow legs to fill up they were growing so fast. They decided that they’d help Sildie get a collection of photos together so they could load the digital frame once Gustaf was done.

With the frame secured to the wall Gustaf turned it on and fiddled with it as he held Lily.

“Thanks.” She said and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed his neck, breathing in the smell of him that steadied her. “The boys and I are going photo spelunking today.” She said quietly.

“That sounds like fun.” He said gently, his hands resting on hers.

“It’ll be good for all of us I think. Start moving forward.” Her voice was soft and he picked up on the grief. It was still raw for her.

“Feeling better?” He asked cautiously.

“Not really better just more settled I think. I don’t know.” She shrugged and he turned to face her. “I know it’s not done but we have to move forward, we can’t stay stuck where our heart wants to be stuck.” She kissed him and took Lily to change her. “That’s not living.”

“It’s a start love. One step at a time.” He kissed her temple and followed her to her room to shower and dress for the day. “I’ll head home after my shower, take care of the few boxes before the thrift store guys get here.” He waited until she’d put Lily down on the floor before wrapping his hands around her waist and kissing her so her mind blanked and she went lax in his arms.

“Tease.” She breathed.

“You love it.” He growled. So fragile he thought, and he’d forgotten how fragile she was.

“Yes I do.” And she kissed him, that sinful touch that made his cock throb. His groan made her grin wickedly. “I’m here if you need me ok?”

“Thank you.” He said resting his forehead against hers. “Same goes.”

“Don’t shut me out.” She murmured and kissed him tenderly, which was exactly what she was doing and she knew it.

“I won’t. I should be fine today, I don’t think there’s anything else in those boxes to trigger anymore memories from her.” He kissed her and went to take a shower as the twins called out to her. “If you need a break from photos let me know and I’ll come over to sit with the boys while you soak in the tub or something.”

“I’ll be ok, I have to face it all sometime right?” She huffed, she really didn’t want it shoved in her face today on top of everything else the past few weeks had thrown at her, but that was life, suck it up and deal regardless of what you’re feeling.

“Yeah, but not alone remember.” He kissed her longingly. “Never alone love.” He kissed her again as he tested the temperature of the water. “Come get me if it’s too much ok?”

She nodded. “I will and same goes. I’m just next door if you need me.”

She went out to find the twins had opened the old laptop and had a ton of photos already selected. “We’ll have to wait and see which ones Brendan wants to have on their too ok? Keep looking and selecting the ones you want. We have plenty to choose from.” She chuckled. She’d keep it light for the kids, she couldn’t let the grief swallow her today because if that happened, it would consume them entirely.

Gustaf said good bye to the the boys and Lily, and stood on her threshold. “See you in a little bit. My brother might come over later, he just texted me so just send a messenger if you need anything.”

“How about you have the afternoon and evening with your brother and just come home when you’re ready to sleep?” She said gently, he had family to spend time with and be damned if she would get in the way of that. His siblings were important to him, family was important to him.

“You sure?” He watched her carefully and saw that gorgeous smile that filled him with warmth.

“Of course. It’s your family.” Something else Ana had fucked with on a regular basis if his notebook was anything to go by.

“If you feel up to meeting him come on over for a hot minute.” He said, his face lighting up. She hadn’t seen that light in his eyes for weeks.

“I might just do that and dump Lily on you while I go and pick up Brendan so I don’t have to take her out in the weather.” She smiled.

“Sounds good.” He kissed her, that love he held inside so tightly flooding out of him. She felt it so deeply now, the love, the relief. He was still expecting rejection, an argument, all the shit he’d been put through. It was a knee jerk reaction she hoped would pass with time.

She watched him walk to his apartment and wondered if she shouldn’t get him to just move in with her. Whoa there, hold the fuck up woman, the thought startling her as she closed her own door slowly. That’s taking things a little fast, even though it would make perfect sense, he was practically living in her apartment anyway.

“Lets get him through this Ana bullshit first.” She muttered under her breath, she’d think on all that later. “One step at a time.” She sighed as she sat with the boys and went through more photos that brought both joy and pain.

He tossed his phone and keys on the coffee table and headed into the room that would soon be Sildie’s office. He sat on the floor and tentatively reached out a hand for the first box. He swore as his hand shook. “Don’t be an idiot, they’re just boxes of crap.” He spat as he started to rummage through the remaining two boxes. The only thing he found that hit home were a few photos from happier times.

He sat there and stared at them, remembering, letting his mind drift to memories he’d buried. He’d loved her in the beginning. Her smile, her laugh, the way she... “Nope, don’t go there.” He said sternly. “Don’t you fucking dare go there.” He breathed angrily. “That was then and that’s not the person she turned out to be. She’s not the kind loving soul you thought she was. What she made you believe.” He put the photos with his phone, he’d stuff them inside the notebook so he could burn it all later. He would be rid of her, everything of her, he’d torch it all off the face of the earth. “It was all a lie.” He breathed out. “Lies, deceit, nothing but fucking pain.”

He looked around at the room that would be Sildie’s office and could see her sitting here working. It would be painted Wednesday and he grinned. He would transform this room into something wonderful for her, functional. He’d give her the world and everything he was.

The knock at the door brought him out of his thoughts. Bill was here and he needed some downtime of kicking his ass on the x box and some brotherly heart to heart. Time where he could let his guard down completely and just be a brother.

“Moving next door?” Bill joked seeing the boxes by the door as he came inside.

“No, not yet. Though I’m working on asking her to move in here.” Gustaf chucked as Bill cocked an eyebrow.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Gustaf chuckled a huff and scrubbed a hand over his head nervously.

“I’m happy for you. ’Bout fucking time you found someone that treated you right.” Bill stepped around the boxes littering the floor. “I’m just giving you shit bro.” He said softly as he saw the look on his brothers face. He was hurting.

“Well that’s what all this shit is. Leftovers I’d forgotten about. Well no more, I want Ana out and gone.” He said shutting the door. “For good.”

“You’re in love with her aren’t you? Sildie?” Bill asked knowing full well his brother was completely gone over the mystery woman.

“Yes. Her and the kids.”

“It’s the happiest I’ve seen you in a long time.”

“I nearly fucked it up though.” He breathed it out as he walked into the kitchen and put the kettle on. “I nearly fucked up the best thing that’s ever happened to me Bill and I’m fucking kicking myself.” He murmured softly as his brother followed him, leaning against the counter silently. Bill would give his brother space, he could see the grief clearly. Something had happened since they’d hung out together last.

He told Bill everything as the kettle worked to a boil. His stupidity of diving head long into the toxic waste of his mind. Shutting Sildie out, the twins soccer game, Brendan, leaving her. The night she ripped into him. “I really fucked up.”

He was close to all his siblings but his connection to Bill was much closer even with the age difference. He could tell him anything and everything and when the shit had gone down with Ana he was the one to pull him out of it.

“Fuck.” Bill breathed out. “That’s a lot.”

“Yeah.” Gustaf poured the water into the French press and turned, leaning back against the counter while the coffee brewed. “I’m an idiot.”

“You guys ok now?” His brother was worried, Gustaf could see it, hear it in his question.

“Yeah, but I hurt her and I never fucking wanted to or meant to. Fuck Bill, I never wanted any of Ana’s shit to touch her life, the kids. This has just kicked the shit out of me, her as well. It’s like it only happened yesterday and I’m dealing with the emotional fallout all over again.” He scrubbed his hand over his face. “I can’t lose her. It’ll end me.”

“She loves you G.” Bill said softly. “A woman doesn’t flip her shit like that for just anyone. They only fight for those that they love. You obviously mean something to her or she wouldn’t have said what she said. She wouldn’t have fought for you. You remember Alida’s ripped me a few times.” He said ruefully.

“True, but you know where my mind goes.” He muttered fidgeting with the teaspoon.

“I do. You still good, still sober and all that?” He asked gently.

“Yeah. I’m still good. No way I’m letting that bitch take that from me too.” Gustaf spat.

“I’m proud of you bro.” Bill lightly punched his arm. “It’s a hard road staying away from all that shit.”

He smiled. “I love her Bill. I can’t fall into old habits, I would lose her for good. We’ve already had that discussion and there are no second chances with that. And there’s no way in hell I’m going back to that part of my life.”

“You won’t, you’re too fucking strong to let it drag you down again. Deep breath bro, you got this.”

He blew his breath out. “The past few weeks have been fucking scary.” He chuckled.

“You doing ok now?”

“Yeah, I’ll be better once this shit’s out of here.” He said pointing to the boxes and pouring the coffee. “Trying to move past it.”

“You will, give it a little time.”

“Anyway, enough of that crap. How’s my favorite niece?”

“She’s good, growing up way too fast.” Bill’s smile was goofy and wide, a proud father, and Gustaf felt his heart clutch. How he wanted that feeling. “You ready for me to kick your ass?”

“Bring it.” Gustaf grinned, this was just what he needed and Sildie must have seen it. “You’re going down.”

“Ha! Dream on.” Bill chuckled.

It was a typical boys day in, coffee, junk food, boxes of shitty memories being removed from home and heart, and the constant back and forth only brothers could dish at each other. He let the past weeks fall away and lost himself to the moment, enjoying time with his brother. He was in the process of kicking Bill’s ass when there was a soft knock at the door. Likely Sildie he thought, and grinned.

With the game on pause he stood and opened the door. Damn she was beautiful. Lily on her hip, that slightly flustered look, the love in her smile as her eyes met his. That smile, the one she kept only for him. Without a word he cupped a hand behind her neck and kissed her. That searing kiss that made her body ripple with pleasure and made her pussy tingle.

“Hi love.” He murmured when he let her come up for air.

“Hi.” She wasn’t steady. The man had kissed her so thoroughly she was lightheaded. Lily squealed a dad dad and reached for him. He took the child and kissed her until she giggled and squirmed.

“You sure you ok taking her?” She asked quietly.

“We’ll be fine. Do you want to meet Bill?” He asked gently, he wouldn’t push, he knew how difficult it was for her and that reminded him, he needed to come up with a plan to tell his family about her and the kids so Christmas wouldn’t destroy them.

“A quick hi, I have to go pick Brendan up.” She was suddenly nervous and started wringing her hands, the gesture not lost on Gustaf. She relaxed slightly as his arm came around her shoulder, fingers gently caressing the skin of her neck and shoulder where the cowl neck of her sweater had slipped.

She didn’t know if she was really ready but it was important to Gustaf so she sucked it up for him. What’s one more thing on her plate she scoffed silently?

“Bill?” He called and the tall brother came to the door. “This is Sildie.”

“Hi, great to finally meet you.” Bill could tell she was nervous so he kept it light. Not only that his brother would kill him if he fucked this up.

“Hi, you too, I’m sorry it’s taken so long.” Her smile was kind but all nerves. “The monsters don’t make it easy.”

“You’re coming for Christmas though right?” He asked gently, not pushing her.

“That’s the plan.” She breathed out and calmed as Gustaf squeezed her to him with a kiss to her temple, his scent calming her. “This is Lily.” She said softly, not entirely sure of herself.

“We’ve met.” He chuckled.

“The day she called me dad dad, Bill was over.” Gustaf said gently, seeing her confusion.

“He was your tidy up what I was in the middle of?” She chuckled and looked at Gustaf.

“Yeah.” His shrug said it hadn’t bothered him.

“I got the boot.” Bill joked.

“Shit, I’m so sorry.” Sildie said. “That was a day.”

“It’s fine.” Bill smiled. “They can be a hand full.”

“AMA?” Finn called. “YOUR PHONES RINGING.” The kid bellowed.

“That was T 2, I gotta go.” She chuckled.

“T 2?” Bill asked slightly confused.

“Troublemaker number 2. That’s what’s twins are, troublemakers.” She grumbled.

“They giving you a hard time?” Gustaf asked gently.

“No, just, well you know.” She mumbled. “It was nice to meet you, and I’m sorry it’s so short.”

“It’s fine, we’ll have plenty of time at Christmas to chat in amongst the noise.” Bill laughed.

“I’ll see you in a bit to relieve you of this monster.” She kissed Lily and watched as Bill left them to it.

“I’ll just bring her over when she gets fussy.” He said and kissed her temple.

“You doing ok?” She asked gently.

“I’m doing ok. You?”

“About the same.”

Mmmm he thought, not quite, but ok. “Drive safe love.” Gustaf murmured and kissed her before she took off to collect the twins and head out. He shut the door and Lily eyed Bill not too sure of the other person in the room. She wasn’t ok, Gustaf thought, she couldn’t hide the red in her eyes from crying, not from him anyway.

“I can see why you’re so in love with her.” Bill said quietly as Gustaf sat down. “She’s gorgeous for a start.”

“You have no idea.” He chuckled. “She’s incredible, inside and out.” He said settling Lily on his lap and picking up the controller. “Wicked smart too.”

“What does she do?” Bill asked as he started to retaliate causing Gustaf to swear at him.

“Civil rights attorney.”

“Damn!” Bill whistled.

“Yeah, super smart.”

“No helping Lily.” Bill laughed as her little hand suddenly shot out and smacked the controller in Bill’s hand. He let the child grab a hold of his thumb even though it was busy, as his brother kicked his ass into next week.

“Keep helping.” Gustaf whispered loudly and Lily giggled as Gustaf’s scruff tickled her neck.

“And this one is super cute and adorable when she’s not helping you win.” Bill chuckled and wiggled his thumb watching Lily.

“She is that.” Gustaf kissed her head and the tiny girl hugged him.

“She’s stolen your heart brother.” He chuckled, seeing the tiny girl snuggle into his brothers massive frame.

“Not a hardship.” Gustaf almost blushed, he wasn’t embarrassed it was just, she had and he couldn’t deny that he liked it, it felt right.

“You have to tell me this dad dad story.” Bill quipped grinning wide.

The brothers played and Gustaf told him of the connection he’d formed with Lily, the kids, finding the stress leaving him. He paused the game as he told Bill of Sildie’s brother, the situation she was dealing with, the overwhelming grief.

“She’s a very special person G.” He said quietly. “And thats fucking heartbreaking.”

“Yeah she really is. She’s given up everything for the kids. Her life as one of the top attorneys, partnerships, her apartment, her friends, relationships, everything. She dropped it all mid trial in England to come back for the kids.” Gustaf thought on that as he told Bill. He’d forgotten how much she’d sacrificed for them.

“Damn that’s a lot to handle.” Bill said as Lily started to play with his keys.

“Yeah. I’m glad I can help out, though I’m hoping it’ll become more, that she’ll move in. If she’s not done with me by then.”

“She’s far from done with you bro. The way she looked at you, that woman is gone over you just as much as you are over her.” He smiled.

“Fuck man I hope she’s never done with me.” Gustaf grinned.

“You guys’ll be ok.” He said as Lily grabbed at his hand.

They entertained Lily until it was around dinner time and Bill decided to leave him to it and be with the family he’d become a part of.

“I’m so fucking happy for you man.” He said hugging Gustaf hard. “So happy.”

With a bye bye to Bill from Lily he took the stairs and was gone. “Shall we go get some dinner little lady?” He asked her as she hugged him. She was due for food and a bath and Gustaf found he wanted to be with the boys and Sildie. He craved it. He needed to be there for her tonight when the grief hit, once the kids were asleep. He knew she’d hold it in for them, only letting it go when she was alone. He could see it simmering below the surface when she dropped Lily off.

Lily snuggled into him as he turned off the x box and the lights, and tidied the kitchen. He closed the door to Sildie’s soon to be office and smiled. “That’ll be a nice gift for mum mum huh?” He kissed her head as she echoed his mum mum, grabbed his keys, the photos, his phone, and went next door.

There were cheers of Gustaf as he came through the door and it always lifted him. Brendan waved and showed him some of the photos they’d been working on during the afternoon. They all seemed a little sad but not as grief torn as before. It was progress, healing.

“Thanks for meeting Bill.” He murmured as came into the kitchen and kissed Sildie.

“I was so nervous.” She said softly. “I’m sorry if it felt like I was stand-off ish. I didn’t mean it to be.” The truth was she’d felt irritable and off all day.

“It’s fine. Nothing to be sorry about.” He kissed her quickly as she moved to get dinner ready. “Need a hand?” He asked softly.

“No, I’ve got it but you could get her cleaned up.” She said throwing the pasta into the water.

“Consider her cleaned up.” He kissed her again and took Lily to get changed.

They all sat for dinner and Brendan went through the slideshow he’d created for the digital frame. There were some tears but more from the fact they just missed their parents than the heartbreaking grief. The kids were healing faster than Sildie, kids were amazingly resilient.

“I’m ok.” Sildie whispered and smiled at him as Gustaf brushed a tear away with his thumb, kissing her temple, and resting his arm around her shoulder.

Not really, he thought, but nice try. Maybe this was too much for her to handle he thought, did he hurt her more? Did he drag up all those emotions and shove them in her face this morning when he opened the box? Damn could he get through one day without fucking up?

“Can I put it in the frame Ama?” Brendan asked quietly, seeing she was upset.

“Of course love.” She said wiping the tears away and the twins hopped down as well crushing her in a hug. “I’m ok boys. Still a little raw.” She smiled and kissed them both. “But I’m ok. You guys make it all ok.”

She stood and picked up a fussy Lily from her chair and wandered over to the frame. The boys pointed out everyone and Lily watched intently as she clung to Sildie. Gustaf left them a moment and cleared the table, there were some things they needed to do on their own, just the five of them.

Brendan joined him in the kitchen a little while later to help with the dishes while the twins were in the bath and Sildie bathed a now cranky Lily.

“Is Ama ok?” He asked Gustaf. “Is she going to cry like last time?”

“I think she’s ok, it’s just raw for her B. I’ll check on her in a moment. Or you can? She might like that.” He smiled and saw the grin on the kids face. “She’s just hurting, lots more for her to process, she’ll be ok, we’ll make sure of it right?” The kid nodded and smiled feeling slightly better.

He finished helping Gustaf in the kitchen and went to see his aunt after hugging Gustaf hard. They were in there a while and Gustaf let them have the time. When she came out with a very tired Lily the tears were gone and she seemed brighter. He left it at that, the teenager had obviously settled her.

He put his script down and clapped his hands for Lily but she snuggled into Sildie with a firm “no.” “I guess you’re it tonight.” He grinned. “Had enough of me today Lily bear?”

“Guess so.” She chuckled.

“Night Lily bear.” He soothed coming to his feet. He wrapped his arms around them both. “My two best girls.” He murmured and kissed Sildie tenderly as he continued to rub Lilys back until her eyes started to droop.

“I’m going to put her down, shower and pass out. I’m exhausted.” She said gently. She was beat to hell emotionally with the tears she’d shed earlier in the day while he was away. She had her own grief to work through and she knew he’d be safe with his brother.

“Want me to get the twins sorted?” He asked and she stopped dead.

“Crap, no I’ll do it, you got them this morning.” She sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly defeated.

He held her to him as she went to leave. “I’ll get them.” He kissed her before she could argue. “I’ll get them.” He repeated. “I’m happy to do it.”

“I just feel as if I’m dumping everything on you.” And she was, it was a learning curve for all of them, one she wasn’t handling very well.

“You’re not. Together remember.” He kissed her tenderly, that slow burn that soothed her. “Besides I’m the one that kept you up all night screaming my name.” He growled.

“You’re sure?” Her finger trailed down his jaw and disappeared into the deep V of his shirt.

“Hundred percent. Get her down, take a long hot shower, and I’ll see you in bed for a snuggle. You ok if I read for a bit?” He ran his fingers through the stray strands of hair before tucking them behind her ear.

“Sure, no work though. That’s the only rule I have for the bedroom, no work reading, no work period.”

“I’ll pop home real quick and grab my book.” He kissed her again and went and did exactly that.

By the time he got back the twins were in bed ready for him to tuck them in. He read two chapters and even Brendan sat at the door listening.

“You can come in next time B.” Gustaf said gently and hugged the kid sensing that’s what he needed.

“Thanks for the photo frame.” He said quietly. “I know it was Lily’s present but, thanks.”

“You’re welcome. You ok?” Gustaf asked gently. The kid nodded but he could tell he was on the verge of tears. “It’s ok to miss them.” He murmured and wrapped the kid in a hug as he cried quietly. “Somedays it’s ok to not be ok and I’m always just a phone call or text message away.” He said as the teen held onto him for dear life. “Anytime B. I’ll always be here for you if you need me.”

“Thanks. Sorry.”

“No apologies needed. You reading for a bit?” The kid nodded once the tears had stopped. “Me too.” He held up the book that Brendan had given him for his birthday. “This is pretty awesome by the way.” The kids face lit up. It didn’t take much to get the kid smiling. “You guys managed to get all the books I like to read.”

“I’m reading Tolkien right now.” The kid perked up as he spoke.

“Good author. Love reading those over and over, I always manage to catch something I missed the first few hundred times I’ve read them.” Gustaf hugged the kid again. “Get to bed.” He grinned and the kid chuckled.

“Night Gustaf.”

“Night kid, get some sleep.”

The teen nodded and settled into bed as Gustaf turned off all the lights, checked the front door, and smiled at the sight as he walked through the bedroom door. Sildie was naked and already curled up in the middle of the bed half asleep, but fidgety.

“Any room in there for me love?” He chuckled softly.

“Plen’y.” She muttered her voice muffled by the pillow she was snuggled against.

He stripped and he could see her watching him. “You keep looking at me like that love and I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

“Just watching the show.” She giggled as a grin split across her face.

“Oh, I’m your personal entertainment now?” He laughed playfully.

“You are when you strip like that in front of me, I mean what’s a girl supposed to do?” She smirked.

“If you weren’t half asleep already I’d show you.” He growled and climbed into bed kissing her temple. “Maybe I’ll show you regardless.” He murmured and let his hand drift over her hip before crushing his lips to hers.

He got settled close to her and opened his book. Resting an arm along her ribs he let his fingers trail over her hip as he read. Her hand splayed out over his chest and he heard the soft contented sigh as she relaxed. Her whole body letting go of the day.

She let her hand wander his body, slender fingers burning a trail into his skin, arousing him.

“You keep doing that and you’ll get more than you bargained for.” He said in that low tone as he kissed her head. He felt the smirk against his chest. “I mean it.” He chuckled as her hand dipped lower.

His groan was guttural as she took his cock in her hand. She stroked him and nuzzled her face into his neck, nipping the soft skin making him hiss. She was exhausted but needed to feel him, wanted him.

He moved lightening quick. She suddenly found herself on her back pressed between his lean hard body and the mattress, book discarded, that talented mouth devouring hers.

“I warned you love.” He growled and nipped her jaw playfully. He knew, could see she was tired, the emotional aspects of the day had caught up to her, but she needed release. She needed home. She needed him.

“I need you.” She whispered and kissed him, that love and passion filling him.

“I know.” He breathed. “I could see it when you brought Lily over.” With his body weight pressing down on her he hooked her leg over his hip and slipped inside her. Her warmth enveloped him as her soft moan filled the room.

He took her slowly, letting the love and tenderness he had for her arouse and seduce. He gently wound his fingers in hers and held them as he thrust, the slow rhythm torturous and erotic for them both.

“Gustaf.” Her cry was choked as she lost herself to him, the feel of him.

“What do you need love?” He whispered kissing her throat as she tilted her head back offering it to him. He’d give her anything to make the pain and stress he’d caused go away.

“I need you.” She whispered softly.

“You have all of me.” He murmured as her eyes locked onto his. “Go over.” He breathed.

It didn’t take much. With his body pressed to hers, the feel of his girth and length stretching her, his deep strokes caressing those secret places only he could reach. Her body tensed before it shattered, a deep thunderous sensation from within roared through her as she came, the vice like grip on his cock making her moan in pleasure as she felt him move.

“Sildie.” He whispered. “My Sildie. You are beautiful.”

Her kiss was ravenous, she didn’t want him to stop and he’d sensed it.

“Please.” She choked out and arched against him urging him to take more.

“Roll onto your side.” He said gently. She rolled so he was straddling the straight leg and he held her other to his hip tightly. “Is this what you need love?”

“Yes.” Her whimper was one of desperation. “Gustaf.” Her cry was on the verge of tears as she gripped his thigh as he slowly pull out and thrust back in. He lifted her leg by the ankle to rest it on his shoulder before adjusting his legs.

“Fuck Sildie you’re so tight like this.” He breathed and struggled to stay in control.

He kept the thrusts slow and deep as her body writhed against his. Her release built quickly and he was merciless in tipping her over again and again until he couldn’t hold back any more. He leaned forward slightly and opened her hips wider as he quickened his pace, her cry one of wanton abandon.

He leaned down further until his hands rested on the bed and took her hard, her tightness gripping him, sucking at him as he pounded into her. He reached down to rub a finger over her clit and she exploded. The release she’d been searching for thundered through her, a scream of his name into the pillow as he continued to rock her world off its axis. He gripped her hip hard as he came, almost blacking out from its intensity, her pussy pulsing around him. He rode her until they were both spent before slowing to a stop.

He sat back on his knees and watched her. She hadn’t moved apart from her heavy breathing. The tears would come next he thought, he hoped, she was holding onto everything so tightly. He lay behind her and tenderly pulled her to him, curling her into him.

“Let it out love.” He murmured. “I know it’s been eating at you all day. Let it out, I’m here.” She turned and broke. The soft weeping of tears held back from the kids.

“I’m sorry.” She sobbed.

“It’s ok.” He soothed and let his fingers stroke her head, tangling into her hair. “It’s all ok.” He kissed her head and she clung to him, the light in her darkness.

She sniffed and swiped at her tears as she looked up at him. “I’m sorry. It’s too raw.”

“It will be for a while love.” He swept her hair back from her face and tucked it behind her ear. “We’re healing though right? Together?” His smile made her smile and nod.

“I guess crying after sex really is our thing.” She chuckled. “Fuck I feel so stupid when I do this.” She huffed.

“There are worse things.” He kissed her tenderly, the long, slow burn. Love.

“Thank you.”

“For fucking your brains out? You’re absolutely welcome.” He quipped and she huffed a chuckle.

“That, and letting me fall apart. Being safe enough to be able to. You know what I mean.” She mumbled and shrugged suddenly self conscious.

“I do. You ok?”He kissed her softly.

“Yeah, just too much shoved in my face today. Wasn’t really prepared for it. I know I have to deal with it but after the past few weeks it’s all too much.”

“I’m sorry love.” He kissed her brow and hugged her tighter.

“We’ll be fine.” She yawned, she tried to keep that part reigned in. He was still too emotionally fragile to deal with how he’d hurt her and she needed to not be over sensitive about it which was hard as it slowly ate away at her.

“Sleep time for you, I’m going to read a bit more ok?”

She nodded. “Just, stay here.” She mumbled as she snuggled down against him. “Please.” She sucked in the sob, he knew she was being clingy.

“I’m right here love.” His heart lurched. It would take time for that to pass since he’d sewn that seed of doubt.

“Sleep now.” He murmured and kissed her head.

She was out cold when his eyes started to grow heavy. Carefully placing the book on the nightstand he turned off the light and snuggled down the bed bringing her with him keeping her close, he fell into sleep moments later.

**********************************************

@hausofobsession @ill-skillsgard @grandpa-sweaters @authentic90skidd @tuckersgirl @fairlyfallacy @flowers-in-your-hayr @raewritesfiction @stinkerbelle007 @kamie-b @mrsaugustwalker @skrsgardspam

[style-beat-webzine]

How to style a bold print skirt 6 ways

I bought this skirt at the beginning of quarantine (March 2020), which is probably a likely story for most of us, for me I find comfort in new purchases. The real reason we’re buying so much shit in quarantine is because we need some control in our lives, and that’s okay at least we got some cute things, right?! I bought this skirt on sale so I didn’t feel too guilty about the purchase and knew I had a few ways in which I would style it once it was mine. If you��re like me the bolder the print the better, but if you’re not like me and want to venture out with trying to wear something out of your comfort zone, I’ve got you covered. I think a bold skirt would be the perfect item to start with if you’ve been wanting to try something new with your style. Skirts are easy to style with pieces you probably already own. A bold pattern on any article of clothing makes that piece the “stand out” item of the outfit, the showstopper if you will. Here are a few of my favorite ways to wear a bold print skirt and why I think the outfit works so seamlessly, so here we go!!

1. Band tee styling

I think a band tee is super universal on how you can wear it, styled up or styled down it’s definitely a wardrobe staple. That's why it makes pairing it with a bold print skirt such an easy-breezy combo, it’s simple but fancy. Depending on how you accessorize you can wear it to a party with heeled boots, or honestly anything platform would be cool,( but that’s my humble opinion.)  In the photograph, I styled it like I would if I was wearing it to a day of school, or somewhere casual. My one suggestion for causal dressing is to wear comfortable shoes, NO HIGH HEELS!! Or wear them if you dare I’d make sure it’s something easy to walk in, but that’s just me. As you can see I’m wearing my dirty checkered slip-on Vans because they are comfortable to walk in. I guess that’s the point I’m trying to get at, is just make sure it’s something you’re ok to spend the whole day in. If you're like me you’ll get super lucky that the only classes you need will be across campus from one another and be back to back haha, but for your sake I hope that’s not the case!!

    2. Mixing prints in a sneaky stylish striped kind of way

If you love mixing prints then I hope you find some inspo from this outfit, but if you’re not familiar with mixing prints and feel the urge to try it out then this combo is an easy one to pull off. It’ll make you feel funky too, in a good way!! For me a black and white striped shirt is an essential item in my wardrobe because it’s so versatile. A stripe shirt is also easy to pair with a bold print making the outfit look effortless, but fashionable. Throw on a solid color blazer or cardigan and you’re good to go. For the shoes I chose to go with a pair of mint faux crocodile skin square toed boots. When stying this outfit I wanted to mix colors as well as prints, but if you’re not feeling like that’s your cup of tea that is quite alright, just put on a neutral color cardigan as well as neutral color shoes. If you’re like my mom and have to have things matching you can match your cardigan with your shoes to make sure at least something is matching. This look will be the perfect school or work outfit that doesn’t feel to restricting, or over the top.

    3. Solid shirt styling

This type of styling is simplistic, but looks very put together and requires minimal effort, doesn’t that sound fantastic?! You can wear this combination to a casual gathering or for a day of classes. Just throw on some flat shoes such as tennis shoes, mules, ballet flats, and you catch my drift. Then after a day of classes or if you just want to spruce it up for a night out you can toss on a pair of fun shoes!! For the picture I decided to pair olive green platform sandals with a fuzzy vest, and a bold statement necklace. If you know me you know how much I love playing with colors especially in my outfits. This look satisfies that love of playful color mixing with the pastel pink of the skirt, the faded blue t-shirt and olive green shoes, eeeekkkk I’m in love!! Have fun with your outfits, play around with mixing different things and see how you feel after you’ve tried it all on together, remember your clothes should make YOU feel fabulous :)

     4. Bridgerton meets Gossip Girl styling

Do you ever buy an item of clothing because you fall in love with it at the store then later realize it was because you binged half of a series on netflix the night before? Yup, hello it’s me, I subconsciously bought this burnt orange (in some lighting a deep red) blazer because of the Duke of Hastings :)

heart eye emoji, amiright? After not only lusting over Simon, but his blazer I knew I wanted something of the sort in my wardrobe. To my lucky stars I found one that resembled his on the clearance rack at my local Target. I’m so smitten with those puff sleeves :) and the frickin’ color, come on, it’s a perfect design!! This outfit gives me Gossip Girl in the 70s feels, and I’m so here for it. This outfit works because the main focus will be on the bold print skirt. The other articles of clothing are just to accentuate the skirt. I don’t know why but I love the color combo of pinks and reds or in this case an orangish-red color together!! The darker hue of the blazer makes the lighter pink stand out. I just put a cream color blouse with fishnet tights and some chunky boots to complete this look. This could be an outfit for work or a nice dinner out with the girls :)  

    5. Andy Warhol’s Factory Girl styling

(Sorry the photo is such shit, I’m currently using an iPhone 8 and the quality sucks, broke girl problems. Although, I do love the blurriness of the image, but know others are probably hating it haha oh well.) Moving on, I just had to put an over the top outfit onto this list. This outfit was inspired by my daydreams of being one of Andy Warhol's fashionable friends at his famous Factory (his art studio) in New York City. It’s definitely the silver boots that’s giving off those Factory vibes, isn’t?! To be honest this outfit would’ve been something I would’ve worn to a day of classes, just because I’m extra af. Remember earlier in the post when I said to play around with mixing your clothes to get fun funky ensembles? This outfit was a result of playing around with clashing prints because I knew I wanted to mix some  bold prints for this post haha. I mean would it have been a fashion post from me without prints clashing?  To quote some lyrics by Gary Clark Jr, this outfit “got me feelin’ like a million bucks.” There’s something powerful and transforming when you wear bold prints together. For me it feels like I can take on the world :) never underestimate the way your clothes make you feel. 

     6. Sweatshirt styling

You’ve gotta rep the biggest city near you, especially if it’s Chicago!! I was a kid in the 90s so I remember the later years of the Chicago Bulls victories. I randomly got the idea to put this Bulls sweatshirt with this skirt while laying in bed one morning. And let me tell you, I’m so happy I did because I’m in love with red and pink together as I mentioned earlier. Of course I had to throw on a faux fur leopard coat for good measure and to get my little fix of mixing prints. Color me in love :) Not to mention how warm this outfit is which is perfect for these Chicago winters that visit us every year and always seem to over stay their welcome. For bragging rights, I thrifted that Bulls sweatshirt and got that baby for $2, what a deal!! This is another easy outfit you can put together for a cold winter day. Just add any sweatshirt you’d��like to a skirt. I tucked mine in, but if you left it untucked the outfit would still work. I felt this outfit needed a pair of shoes that weren’t loud and in your face, so I went with a solid color that was also a neutral.  

That’s all I’ve got for this post, I hope you enjoyed it. I plan to make some more of these in the future. I had a lot of fun styling one piece from my wardrobe to make 6 different outfits, I’d say that’s a bang for your buck. It also makes the purchase worth every penny!! Until next time you little rockers, enjoy your moment and have fun creating your story.

Sincerely,

Michelle 

[goodlookingforagirl]

Oc-tober Day 18: Vintage

I really enjoyed writing this one! It was fun to write the girls (Adelaide, Esther, and Violet) as little kids, and it was also fun to expound on their mother, Janet. Apparently, the concept of “vintage” shopping is pretty modern, so I wasn’t sure how to put it into my story at first. I decided to write about thrift shopping instead, a concept that is much older. I also had a lot of fun researching prices and inflation: in 1966 (when this prompt takes place) $1 was worth almost $10 today. Insane! Thanks to @oc-growth-and-development for making this list!

Day 18: Vintage

“Girls, will you please settle down?” Janet grabbed Adelaide’s arm and put up a warning finger at Esther. “If I see you running around again, I���m going to tell your father.”

    Neither twin saw that as a threat — they had their father wrapped right around their little fingers — but their mom was a different story. The look on her face was enough for both of them to look down at the floor and mutter a reluctant, “Yes, Mommy.”

    From her stroller, Violet pointed at a collection of Depression glass. “Pink!”

    “Yes, it is pink.” Janet held a piece closer to Violet so she could look. “But we don’t need any today. I’m looking for glasses.”

    The twins had recently started drinking from real glasses, and they’d broken most of their collection so far. Janet had stopped by Macy’s to look for replacements, but she couldn’t justify spending eight dollars on a set when the thrift store had glasses for five cents each. She was especially thrifty now that she was pregnant with her fourth, and hopefully last, child. Six mouths to feed meant no more Macy’s for a long time.

    Esther walked up to her, holding a green cut-glass goblet. “You like this one?”

    Janet took the goblet and set it back on the shelf, lest her daughter drop and shatter it. “Yes, I do. But we need regular, clear glasses.”

    “That’s boring,” Esther huffed.

    “Maybe we can get some clear glasses with designs on them. Something elegant.”

    “What’s ‘elegant’ mean?” Esther asked.

    “It means ’refined’.”

    “What’s ‘refined’ mean?”

    Janet was so used to using senior-level vocabulary at work that she often forgot to modify it for her daughters. “It means ‘fancy’, or ‘classy’.”

    “This store isn’t that fancy,” Adelaide said. “Everything’s old.”

    “Well, this is where people take their old things, and then other people buy them.”

    “The stuff here is prettier than the stuff at the regular store,” Esther said. She was still admiring the green goblet.

    “Can we look at the toys?” Adelaide asked, immune to the thrill of thrifting.

    “After we get the glasses, we can look at the toys. You can all get one thing, so long as it’s less than a quarter.” Janet leaned down by the stroller. “You too, Violet.”

    Violet clapped her hands and grinned.

    Janet finally found a set of near-perfect glasses with a little ring of white flowers along the bottom. She loaded them into her shopping basket and maneuvered the stroller with one hand to the toy section. Luke would normally come with her to help with the girls, or he’d keep them at home so she could shop freely, but he was pulling in extra hours at work. He had to, since she would be taking non-paid maternity leave in a few short months. We’ll make it through — we always do, he’d smiled at her, but she could tell he was worried about stretching their dollars again. That was a big reason why this baby would be their last, Lord willing.

    Adelaide ran up to Janet, weilding a paddle ball. “Can I get this?”

    Janet imagined the destruction she might cause with such a toy — Adelaide had already broken several figurines in her short life — but she didn’t want to disappoint her. “Yes, but you can only play with it in the basement or outside.”

    “But why?”

    “Because I said so,” Janet sighed, too exhausted to explain.

    “Can I get this, Mommy?” Esther approached holding a doll-sized comb and mirror. “Chatty Cathy needs her hair brushed.”

    “Yes, that’s fine.”

    Violet was too short to see into the toy bins, so Janet held her up so she could grab something she liked. To Janet’s surprise, Violet grabbed a little Casper the Ghost doll.

    “You want a ghost, Vi?”

    Violet nodded. “He’s a baby.”

    The doll did indeed look like a baby — albeit a very pale one. It shouldn’t have been surprising. Violet adored her baby dolls, and she was excited to have a real, live baby in the house soon. Adelaide and Esther didn’t seem very excited about having a new brother or sister. They had already watched Violet grow from a baby to a toddler, and they weren't very interested in seeing the process again. Janet hoped they’d warm up once they actually met him or her.

    The Casper doll was thirty cents, but Janet decided to give in and let her have it anyways. Violet was already in love with the doll, snuggling it to her cheek, and Janet didn’t have the heart to pry it away. Besides, it was almost Violet’s nap time, and she usually got fussy around this time of day. Maybe the doll would be a comfort.

    She tried to shepherd them all to the checkout, but she was losing patience. “Esther, please watch where you’re going.” Esther was in her own little world, admiring the tiny comb. Janet was afraid she’d wander away, lost in thought.

    Adelaide stole her attention a moment later. “Don’t play with that inside the store, Adelaide.”

    “Mommy, it’s a toy. I’m sposed to play with it.”

    “‘Supposed to play with it’. And not indoors. I already told you that.”

    “You never let us have any fun,” Adelaide whined.

    “I do so, now wipe that look off your face. And Violet, stop chewing on Casper’s foot.”I 

    She got out of the store for just over a dollar, which was a relief. She had planned on going grocery shopping after, but she didn’t think she could handle another shopping trip right now. She’d go later, or she’d ask Luke to go after work. For now, she’d put Violet down for her nap, make the twins go outside and play, and make a strong cup of coffee. If she wasn’t pregnant, she’d make it an Irish coffee.

    “Three more months,” she said to herself. “And then eighteen more years.” A bittersweet thought, but after a car ride of shouting (Adelaide), crying (Violet), and oblivious singing (Esther), it was sounding more sweet than bitter.