#I got discharged today I’m feeling better

[slut-jpeg]

snoopy image of the day

[reidsdimples]

When Everything Changed | Part 3

Spencer Reid x BAU!Reader

Enemies to lovers- slow burn/case talk/yapping Spence

Part 2

In which you and Spencer help with a case virtually from his apartment after his hospital stay. 🧸 🖤

You had always thought time to work in mysterious ways. It could heal any wound yet allow it to fester. It could bring people together and rip them apart. Time was an enigma, especially to you. How much time did it take to recover from something like a near death experience?

How much time did it take to recover from trauma without allowing it to cripple?

“Y/N, my office,” Hotch calls out to you.

You’ve been on desk duty for a week, going crazy truthfully.

“Yes?” You ask when you see him.

“Reid is behind discharged today,” he informs you as you sit.

You don’t really know why you had to be called into his office for that information.

“The team is flying out to Atlanta. I’m going to need you and Reid working virtually. Are you able to see him home and work with him from there?” He asks.

“I don’t see why not, is this pertaining to the suspected serial down there?” All you knew was that people in the ghost hunting and supernatural communities were turning up dead.

“Yes, we will brief you via video chat while we’re on the plane,” Hotch nods.

You leave the office toying with a mix of emotions. You were eager to work on an active case, happy that Reid was being discharged, and nervous to see him.

Following that night you read to him, you recalled the quote in question that he had partially written.

One from Pride and Prejudice reading;

“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”

You had not mentioned it to him, nor had he said anything to you. When you showed up two days later with a copy of the book to read to him, he got agitated. He asked that you read something else or don’t at all.

It was strange, his behavior was strange. He had been happy to see you yet distant. Then you found that very same page with that portion of the quote crumbled up and thrown on the floor. Why?

You knew what that quote was about, it was about the moment Darcy realized he was developing feelings for Elizabeth despite not realizing it.

Your heart pounds as you think about it. Could he be feeling that way for you? Or you him? You feel your pulse in your throat as you recall the feeling times you stared to long at his waist or his hands. Perhaps listened too hard when he spoke because there was something soothing in his voice even when he was annoyed with you.

Why had that quote come to mind while you were reading to him that first night? And when and why did he trash it?

You were once again back to being irritated by him but not enough to hate him. You were more elated that he was better, that his voice was back, and that he was cleared to go home.

You had a feeling that he insisted on helping with this case. You were fine with that. You could do this, you would just push the strangeness of Jane Austen’s words and Reid away.

So you swallowed those feelings, cleared your throat and stepped into his hospital room for the last time.

“Time to go home,” you announce as you enter.

He was spinning himself around absentmindedly on the doctors chair when he came into view. He smiled, delighted most likely to be going home. He was dressed, freshly, and showered. Save for the incision scars on his throat, he looked like himself. You think the scars somehow make him more sexy but you swat the thought away as soon as it occurs.

“Thank you for coming to get me,” his voice is low and raspy.

You hadn’t heard him talk yet and it took you off guard. Not because he sounded hideous. Quite the opposite, actually. It came off as sultry, like he was half asleep. Shit.

“You’re welcome,” you grin.

You’re standing in the doorway still, aware that you’re not sure what to do with yourself. What was your problem? Damn, it’s just Reid. Annoying old Reid. The same brainiac Reid.

Yet sexier somehow, probably because he almost died taking a bullet in your stead.

You collect all of the discharge information and prescription for his liquid diet formula grossness and before you know it, he’s easing into your passenger seat.

“How long until you can eat proper solid food again?” You ask as you try to fill the calm silence in the car.

“They’re going to reevaluate me in two weeks,” he answers, his voice like sand paper.

“Sorry you probably should talk as little as possible,” you wince because it sounds painful.

“Talking strengthens the vocal cords,” he informs. “I came dangerously close to never being able to speak again. In fact about 73 percent of patients with this type of trauma lose the ability to talk completely.”

You smile to yourself. The way he needs to blurt information is so endearing.

Your phone pings with the BAU group chat:

“Wheels up in 30,” from Hotch.

“Okay we need to get the laptop set up at your place by the time they take off so we can sit in on the case briefing,” you punch the gas to ensure you get there on time.

Reid sits up a little in his seat.

“Are you scared of my driving?” You ask.

“No?” He lies. You narrow your eyes playfully but don’t respond.

You and Reid are patched in with Garcia and the rest of the team just in time. Reid seems slight uncomfortable in the wooden chair with the way he has to hold his neck so you help him with some pillows.

“Cara Lynch, Jane Wilbur, and Mason Riley all found murdered and dismembered in the old mill plant on the east side,” Hotch starts.

“Ten days later, James Marlon and Ryan Finch met the same fate in a separate infamously haunted place,” JJ says.

“Ghost hunting seems to link all of these victims,” Hotch says.

“Were they recording at the time of their deaths?” Reid asks in a gravely voice.

“Tripods recovered, no cameras or audio recording equipment. It seems the unsub took it,” Morgan answers.

“Manner of homicide?” You ask.

“Shot, with arrows in vital organs. Each victim shot twice,” Prentiss says as she flips through the photos.

Both you and Reid seem to wince at the mention of being shot. But neither of you acknowledge it to the other.

More details are shared about the limb removal possibly being a forensic countermeasure before the team starts spitballing profile points.

"The use of arrows by the unsub suggests a need for a sense of precision and control. Arrows are often associated with hunting, so the unsub may view their victims as prey. Additionally, the fact that the victims are ghost hunters could indicate a belief by the unsub that they are somehow deserving of this punishment. It's possible that the unsub sees themselves as some sort of vigilante, targeting those who they believe are meddling in the supernatural realm,” Spencer muses. His speech is slower but the team is patient with him, more in tune with what he has to say than usual.

“I would point of alternatively that the arrows symbolize a form of justice or retribution in the eyes of the unsub. The unsub may believe that the victims, in their pursuit of the supernatural, have disrupted the natural order or crossed a line that they deem unacceptable. By using arrows as a weapon, the unsub may be trying to send a message that their actions have consequences and that they are being punished for their perceived transgressions,” you add. Reid glances over at you but says nothing.

“Given the victomology I can believe that this unsub believes the ghost hunters have crossed some sort of line,” Rossi says. “Maybe he’s religious?” Prentiss asks.

“The-“ Spencer starts but you inadvertently cut him off. He’s unable to speak over you like he used to.

“Sorry,” you squeeze his arm but continue. Just as you start talking, his hand moves to your knee. “In Christianity, arrows can symbolize strength, protection, and divine intervention,” you say. You could continue but pause for Spencer to add his thoughts, your mind glitching at the contact of his hand on your knee. The jeans didn’t seem like enough of a barrier for how heated your skin became.

“The unsub may view their actions as a form of divine justice or punishment for those they believe are engaging in sinful or forbidden practices,” he finishes simply, and removes his hand.

He doesn’t seem upset by you speaking over him which is almost out of character. He wasn’t nearly as aggravated with you anymore. You didn’t know whether to be relieved or concerned in this new attitude… or lack thereof.

The team signs off and you and Spencer are instructed to work on the geographical profile until further notice.

You find yourself absentmindedly inspecting his endless rows of books while he uses his protractor on the map. The geographical profile had been relatively easy to put together since there were only two locations.

The tension and silence stretches out between you, things unsaid. What was that?

You turn your attention back to him when he stands, placing photos on the white board.

“To go searching for ghosts only to become one, kind of ironic right?” You sigh and add to the board with him.

“Unfortunate, but the risk that urban explorers and paranormal investigators put themselves at in these locations is relatively high. It’s why I don’t personally see them as low risk victims,” he says.

“True but they aren’t a high risk, nothing indicating drug use, an inclination towards petty crimes, or sexual deviancy,” you reason.

“Trespassing is a petty crime,” he insists. You narrow your eyes on him as his long fingers press a magnet over a crime scene photo.

“And part of the job,” you retort.

“The same could be argued about shooting a bank teller during a robbery,” he turns to you with his eyes up. “Doesn’t make it any less a crime.”

He’s so close to you that you can feel his breath fanning against your face.

“You-“ you begin, pointing your magnet at him.

“I what?” He taunts you, dares you to finish that sentence. The rasps in his voice goes straight to your head. He outwitted you, you both knew it. He plucks the magnet from your hand and slaps in onto the board.

“I’ve resigned myself not to compete with you anymore,” you smirk and step out of his vicinity which fogged your head.

“Hardly a competition,” he murmurs.

“What is with you?” You whirl on him. “It’s like you don’t know how to act all of the sudden. You want to be an asshole? Fine, I’m used to that. But don’t touch me and then turn on me. It’s confusing,” you explode.

He blinks, stunned by your fury. Then he smirks.

“I get under your skin don’t I?” It’s a cocky rhetorical question.

“Your mood swings do,” you bite out.

“I don’t think that’s it,” he drops into the chair and picks up a pen. “Did you know hatred and desire are two of the most powerful feelings we experience?”

You knew that, of course. Fine line between love and hate and all that.

“As such it’s easy for them to become intertwined,” he whirls the one around his fingers. He clocks you watching the movement, seeming to further prove the point.

“Are you speaking from personal experience? Or just yapping like you always do?” You take a step towards him. He raises his eyebrows.

“Yapping?” He laughs.

“Maybe you should stop talking, your voice is becoming hoarse,” you say indignantly. How dare he insinuate that you hated him and now want him. Neither were true. You think.

“What if I don’t? What if I decide to recite every word of the Lord of the Rings novels to you?” He lifts his chin, his voice teasing.

“You don’t have the gall,” you grumble in annoyance. Mr. Eidetic memory with his very own weapon. You lean place your palms on the back of his wooden chair, briefly glancing at the case file in front of him, hoping he wouldn’t…

"When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton…”

“Not another word or something awful might befall you and you may end up in the hospital again,” you flick his ear.

He lulls his head back and dramatically feigns choking to death. Before you know it both of you are laughing.

Somehow your hand ends up resting on his shoulder, causing the laughter to slow until you both were painfully aware of the physical contact.

You clear your throat and gesture at the file.

“What was, um what is her cause of death again?” You already knew but you needed to say something to distract from the sudden shift in energy. “Which organ was pierced…” you clarify.

He glanced back and upward at you, those eyes full of something you’d never seen from him. A sense of uncertainty, vulnerability, and need?

You’re unsure why, as though being controlled by a force outside of yourself but you trail your hand up his neck, gently massaging the back of his head. Goosebumps prickle his neck as he turns his attention back to the table. You don’t miss the white knuckled grip on the pen.

“All of them took an arrow to the heart, that’s a shared trait,” his voice is low, distracted.

“A signature?” You hum and run your fingers through the longer hair at the top of his head. The strands are soft, moving between your fingers gently as you soothingly massage his head.

You hear him groan deep in his chest and he’s inadvertently leaning his head into your touch. You swallow hard, unsure about this sudden need to touch him. More than that, you wanted to hear other noises he could make.

“Second arrows hit various organs between the victims,” he leans forward from your grip to lay the photos out.

The absence of him causes you to frown, but you turn to the white board.

“He’s a skilled marksmen if he could hit them all in the heart in the darker locations where they died,” you state the obvious and write it on the board.

“Military training?” He asks.

“Not with bow and arrows, he may have had personal lessons. Ask Garcia to check with archery ranges inside of the geographical profile,” you say.

He shoots Garcia a text and places his phone down awaiting results.

You’re scribbling on the board when you hear him approach, he’s behind you, so devastatingly close that you can hear him breathing. His body heat warms your back, you falter but keep writing.

Now your body is tingling because he leans his mouth closer to your ear, fanning his breath across your neck.

“You spelled ‘toxophilite’ wrong,” he whispers. You flatten your hand over the word and smudge the blue ink.

“Maybe if you weren’t standing so close,” you hiss.

“Do you want me to move?” He reaches up and sweeps your hair back over your shoulder. You don’t respond, you stop breathing. Stop thinking.

You shudder when his lips find the soft spot of your neck, small kisses planted delicately until your own moan escapes you.

“That pesky line between hatred and desire,” he tutts and steps back.

You bite your tongue, after all you teased him first. The simple touch of his lips on your skin had your body heated up and your insides twisted with need.

You contemplated throwing the marker at his big head as he leaned over the table but refrained.

It was probably for the best because Hotch and Garcia rang in on FaceTime.

Whatever the hell was happening with you and Spence was going to take time. Luckily, the team had given you both the leeway needed to heal. Who knows what’ll happen in the mean time.

[bonny-kookoo]

Can we have a Drabble of take care Jk just being exhausted and having a little anxiety so he goes to YN to find some relief moment by just seeing her ?

🌼

I’m at work and I’m annoyed 😔

I'll provide some comfort until you're free from work 💜

Sometimes, things can get way too much. And today, he just feels like what he needs is to see at least some proof that he's not a total failure at his job.

There's been a mix up in two patients- nothing bad, but he should've checked twice. The name alert sticker was there, but somehow, he's been so stressed that he really overlooked it.

He barely caught the mistake before disaster.

But one look into your room tells him that his plan was a good one- because you're currently in your bed, but sat up, a small micro puzzle on the bedside table that you're still working on. He's brought a few of them in yesterday to both occupy you, and see how you work them out.

"Hey." He greets you, your tail happily wagging as you watch him walk closer, before he drags a small chair closer to your bed to look at your progress. "Do you like them?" He asks, and you nod.

"...I couldn't.. I had to put them back though." You admit, and he's thoroughly relieved to hear you speak a lot better than yesterday. He'd been a bit worried that you stayed quiet for so long- but you seemingly only needed a bit more time than usual to recover.

He notices quickly how strategic you go at the puzzle- having finished the outside border before you begin to finish it. It's a very interesting sight, and it just shows that there's so many deeper layers to you that just have been undiscovered until now.

"Which one's did you finish?" He wonders, and you show him three little boxes that have clearly been opened. "Already? You're fast, I gotta get you more difficult one's." He laughs, and you smile along, feeding off the praise.

But then your tail falls limp again, as you look at the table a bit more sadly.

"I'll.. Jimin said I'll get discharged on Friday." You say. "Do you.. know where I'll go?" You ask, and he feels his heart clench.

He doesn't know.

Currently, there's no clear plan since it's still two days away, but there's been talks with a nearby carecenter who would take you in for now, and have you set up for individual housing with a caregiver. But for now, you've got nowhere to go.

And he himself still hasn't made a definitive decision, paperwork unsigned back home. He really wishes he could give you a clear answer, but he can't- not yet.

"Dont worry about that." He instead tells you, hand on your head for a second before he stands up.

Leaving you behind, even though he really doesn't want to.

[chicago-pd-is-weird]

Hank Voight x Fem!Reader Oneshot (Part 2)

TW: Passing mentions of domestic violence

Synopsis: Reader recovers, but a year later, Hank is out of jail and he takes an interest in Reader. Reader doesn’t know how to feel.

You were discharged from the hospital after a few weeks, seeing as you were in no hurry to leave. After that, you went to District 21 with Trudy, filing multiple police reports and filling out so much paperwork that your head spun afterward. Trudy then took you out to get lunch, but you didn’t eat much. She helped you get onto your feet again, letting you stay with her for a few weeks until you could find a job and an apartment.

Truthfully, the job search was hard considering you had no experience, and you had a fifteen year gap in your resume. When you got back to Trudy’s place that night, you felt defeated. You’d been desperate and it showed, not to mention your still partially nourished, bruised body. You barely ate when left to your own devices, and didn’t eat much of whatever Trudy made you. You were grateful, but used to not eating. As you kicked off your shoes and shrugged off your coat, you let out a breath of relief. Being in Trudy’s house made you feel safe, if nothing else. You nearly took care of your coat and shoes before walking in.

“Hey, how was it today?” Trudy asked from the kitchen, stirring a pot of something.

“No luck,” you replied, sitting at the island and putting your head into your hands. “I’m sorry, I really am trying, I just-“

“Hey, that’s enough of that. Don’t worry about it.”

“I feel like I’m taking advantage of you, Trudy. I’m sorry, I should’ve just stayed with him and-“

Trudy quickly turned from the stove, walking over and pulling your hands from your face with a gentle firmness. “That’s enough, (Y/N). I’d rather you be here to take advantage of me than not be living at all. Why don’t you go get a shower and clear your head? Wash it away.”

You nodded as you looked into her eyes. ‘Wash it away’ was a phrase the both of you often used to shake off the events of any given day. “Thank you…” you mumbled, then slowly pulled from her touch and moved upstairs to take a shower.

When you came back downstairs, Trudy had a soup prepared on the table for you. She’d given you just a small bowl, knowing you didn’t eat much at all. “Hey, feeling a little better?”

“Yeah,” you replied with a small nod as you sat down. “Thanks, this smells really good.”

“It’s broccoli cheddar soup with some mini sausages in it. I have some crackers here, too, so feel free to put some in if you want.” Trudy smiled softly and beside you at the table. “And, if you want more, there’s plenty left.”

“Thank you,” you repeated. “It’s so nice to have you… Voight was right to point me this way.”

“Hank knows everyone in one way or another. He was dealing with a lot the day you reached out to him. I remember him talking about how he almost didn’t show up when you asked.”

“What made him come, then?”

“Well, he thought it was some kind of trap by IAD to prove he was working with Maurice. That he was a dirty cop.” Trudy shrugged as she took a spoonful of soup and blew on it. “But, I convinced him that somebody might really be in trouble, and that’s always worth fighting for. We couldn’t risk it if your story was real. Which it was.”

You looked down at the steaming bowl of soup, wondering where you’d be if Hank hadn’t come that day. Probably dead. You looked back up at Trudy and nodded. “Thank you,” you said softly. “I owe you everything.”

“Don’t mention it.” Trudy offered a small smile, which you returned as you took a bite of the soup. “Hey, listen, there’s a spot open at the district for a civilian records keeper. It’s yours if you want it.”

You looked up. “Really…?”

“Yeah, of course. I already cleared it with the commander.”

You couldn’t help but smile a little wider. “I owe you everything, once again.”

Trudy reached across the table to hold your hand. “I only want to see you happy.”

—

10 months later

—

Finally, everything had gone through for your divorce and restraining order. You’d quickly taken to the position in records and although it was tedious work, you loved having it nevertheless. You’d gotten your own apartment close to the district and worked very hard in the meantime to pay Trudy back for every penny she spotted you while you were down. You often made her meals and brought her lunch, as well as surprised her with little things here and there when possible. Your budget was tight, but you made it work and saved up some money while paying down your credit card debt. You found out how good you really were with numbers at that point, and although you scrimped and saved, you were able to budget all of these things in and still keep money in your new bank account.

As you walked into the 21st District that morning, something seemed off. Many of the officers around had been whispering amongst themselves. You furrowed your brow as you approached the front desk, where Trudy was looking down at some paperwork. “Hey, Sergeant…” you said softly, looking up at her. “What’s going on? Did I miss something?”

She looked down at you. “You didn’t know?”

You shook your head, furrowing your brow.

“Voight’s out of prison.”

You blinked. You hadn’t visited Voight in a long time, not since just after Trudy took you in. “He’s out?”

“And he’s assigned to the Intelligence Unit as the new Sergeant in the 21st District.”

You turned around as the whispering grew silent, Voight walking in the doors behind you. “Ah, it’s good to be back in the 21st. Trudy, nice to see you.”

Trudy nodded. “You too, Hank.”

“And who is that? (Y/N)? You look much better than the last time I saw you.”

You blushed from embarrassment at being called out in front of everyone. You waved a bit and nodded. “Hey, Voight…”

“Sergeant Voight,” the commander’s voice boomed from his office. “In here, now.”

Voight smiled and walked through to the commander’s office, shutting the door. You breathed out, blinking. You weren’t sure why you’d been so tense. Voight had helped you, so he was alright in your book despite being a dirty cop. You bit your lip and looked up at Trudy once again.

Trudy glanced at you, then looked at the other officers. “Get back to work, everyone. Let’s go.” When she looked at you once more, she nodded. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I… I don’t know why I’m so tense. Maybe it’s just the others in the room.”

“Alright. Let me know if you need anything.”

You nodded and walked behind the desk and into the back rooms, starting your morning duties.

—

Weeks went by, and every time Voight came through and smiled at you, you visibly shuddered. You had no idea what was causing it, but you typically mirrored his smile and sometimes waved. It was an odd feeling, almost as if he reminded you of that time when you were under your husband’s thumb. You knew that wasn’t it, but couldn’t find any better explanation for what you had felt every time he was near you.

One day, you were working in the basement, filing some records, when someone came up behind you. You turned your head, jumping a bit when you saw a male figure, whipping your body to match your gaze. When you found it was just Voight, you let out a long breath. “Damn it, you scared me.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to. I wanted to check up on you, without anyone’s prying eyes or ears. How have you been?”

You looked him over. His hands were shoved in his pockets and his body was relaxed, looking at your face. You nodded as you met his eyes. “I’ve been alright, Sergeant.” Somehow, you were still tense around him, but that wasn’t quite it. It was a feeling you couldn’t describe. Your stomach was in knots. Your face got hot. You bit your lip. “Trudy helped me get on my feet. Thank you… for everything you did on your end. I’m sorry it was such an inopportune time.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad it worked out, (Y/N). And, call me Hank.”

You nodded. “Of course… Hank.” You crossed your arms over your chest, rubbing them. “How is intelligence? I heard you have Dawson and Willhite up there. They’re good. They helped get me out of there.”

“That’s why I chose them. My unit will be only the best, the handpicked people.” He hummed, looking around, then back at you. “In fact, I was wondering if you’d like to come work upstairs with me.”

“U-Upstairs? In Intelligence? I hardly think I’m qualified to-“

“You’d do fine. Just think about it,” he said with a small shrug. “If you want to, I’ll clear it with Trudy and the commander.” He turned around as you walked past him, back upstairs behind you. “Just give me an answer in a few days.”

“Wait,” you said softly, stopping halfway up the steps and turning to look at him. “Why me?”

He moved up so he was on the same step as you, your bodies nearly touching, making you blush deeply. “Because, (Y/N),” he whispered. “You’re smart, you’re kind, and you’re beautiful. I love seeing your face every day.” He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek. “Take a few days to think about it, then find me.” With that, he moved up the stairs and back into the district.

You stood, gripping the railing, left speechless. Your stomach turned now, but not in a bad way. Your knees were weak, your breath taken away by the former dirty cop. One hand moved to touch your cheek where his lips had landed, and you were frozen in time for several moments, replaying the interaction in your mind. It wasn’t until someone opened the door and found you on the steps were you pulled back to reality, clearing your throat and pardoning yourself past them. You went to the bathroom and locked yourself in a stall, regulating your breathing as you figured out what you felt for the Sergeant.

You hadn’t been able to put a word to the feelings you’d been facing the last few weeks ever since Voight came back. You’d never felt them before, or rather, not in over ten years. Not since your former husband has wooed you the first time. You were terrified of this feeling of… love? Is that even what you’d call it? You took half an hour to think, regulating your breathing as you brought yourself back down to reality.

When you exited the bathroom, Trudy caught your gaze, motioning you over. You nodded and walked to her desk just as Voight passed by with Dawson and Willhite. You caught Vought’s eyes and he nodded with a small smile, just as he usually did. You couldn’t help but smile back. He liked your smile. It made you want to smile more.

Trudy caught this interaction, then put her hand on your shoulder. “Alright. Dinner tonight. My place. You’re going to spill it.”

You looked at Trudy, blushing heavily. “I… okay.”

.

After shift that day, Trudy drove you to her place, where she started dinner. Once she had it cooking, you sitting at the island, she turned to face you. “Alright. Spill it.”

You laughed awkwardly, having not said much this entire time. “Spill what?”

“You and Voight. Didn’t he go down into records?”

“Y-Yeah? So?” You blushed simply thinking about the interaction you’d had with the Sergeant just hours before, and the offer he’d made you.

“So… spill it. What happened that made you run into the bathroom so quickly after?”

“I, uh…” You bit your lip, not meeting her eyes as you stated at the granite countertop below you. “Uh…”

“(Y/N)? Are you alright?”

You looked up quickly. “Yes, yes, I’m alright. It’s alright. Nothing… nothing and happened. At least, I didn’t think it was bad.”

“So what did happen, then?”

“He, uh, just wanted to talk to me for a minute about how I was doing and all of that. And he offered me a spot in Intelligence.”

“Uh huh?” Trudy asked, urging for more.

“And… so I asked why me, and he said because I’m… I’m beautiful… and kind and smart and… he likes seeing my face every day…” You blushed deeply, your voice growing softer with each passing word. “And then he… he kissed my cheek…”

Trudy’s mouth dropped in shock. She had no idea Hank Voight would ever make a move like that. “He kissed your cheek??”

“Y-Yeah… is… is that bad? Should I, uhm, say something or…?”

“Well, were you okay with it?”

You nodded a little. “I think so, yeah… It caught me by surprise. I’ve been so tense around him but… I don’t think it was fear. I think I was just nervous. He’s… he’s attractive.” You shrugged. “Am I… trauma bonding to him? Because of Jeff? Should I… tell him to stop?”

“Hey, (Y/N), I won’t tell you who you can and can’t date. Hank is… he’s a good man, despite the dirty cop run he had. He was grieving. He lost his wife to cancer, what, three years ago now? I’m just glad he’s moving on and focusing on other things.”

“He… lost his wife to cancer?” You frowned. “That’s so sad… I could never replace his wife.”

Trudy hummed and nodded, turning to the stove to stir the pan. “You won’t replace Camille. Nobody can. But maybe you can help him find happiness again and get back on the right path. The only reason he ever went off the deep end was because she wasn’t there to hold him back anymore. He had to pay for her cancer treatments somehow, and he just never stopped taking the bribes.”

You frowned and looked down. “Maybe this is a bad idea… Maybe he’s not over her and he’s going to use me to grieve more…”

“Hey, Hank wouldn’t do that,” Trudy said, coming over to the island and holding one of your hands. “He’s a good guy. If you tell him to back off, he will. Maybe you should talk to him and tell him what you’re thinking. If it’s a no, then he’ll respect your choice.”

You sighed. “I just… I think I… have butterflies around him but I haven’t felt like this in over ten years. I mean, I don’t even know how to date anymore.”

Trudy laughed softly, shaking her head. “Tomorrow, why don’t you grab lunch for the two of you and just eat in his office. Very informal, and you can talk to him, alright?”

You nodded slowly, looking at Trudy. She seemed to be harboring some excitement for you, or maybe for Hank. You knew Trudy knew Hank for a long time and personally. “Why not you?”

She seemed taken aback by the question, stopping and staring at you. “What?”

“Why not you and Hank? You guys know one another. Seems like you know a lot about him, at least.”

She scoffed. “It’s my job to know a lot about everybody.” She stood and went back to the stove. “Hank and I just aren’t like that with each other. Never have been, even before he met Camille.”

“You’re saying you never had a crush on him?”

Trudy rolled her eyes and looked at you over her shoulder. “I never said that, but it wasn’t anything. When a male is kind to you in a hostile world, you tend to latch on to those things. I was young, and nothing ever came of it. We settled into a friendship role, maybe even a family role.” She hiked her shoulders and turned off the stove. “I could never see myself with him, even then. I just convinced myself I could.”

You hummed, then moved off the stool to set the table as Trudy finished putting dinner together. The two of you ate together and had some wine before you went home, lying awake in bed and contemplating what to say to Hank Voight the next day.

—

When he walked by you the next morning, you smiled, a more genuine smile than forced one. It made him look twice, seeing you smile genuinely. His lips pulled up in a smile just the same, barely watching here he was walking as he nearly ran into a beat officer. You laughed a little, both of you blushing as you shared a small moment that nobody else seemed to notice, not even Trudy, seeing as she was in the back at the time.

You thought about Hank’s offer once again. You’d be able to see him every day. But, he would be your boss. How would that even work? You hummed as you went to work, a small grin still on your face.

—

When lunch rolled around, you checked your watch, then moved upstairs and tapped Trudy’s arm softly. “Buzz me up?” You grabbed your lunch cooler from under the counter and slung it over your shoulder.

“Sure,” she replied, nodding to you.

You walked over to the cage, opening the door when Trudy buzzed you in. Then, you climbed the steps and looked around. You’d only been up to Intelligence a few times, only to bring files up. You typically never got further than Antonio’s desk before someone took them from you and sent you packing. That day, most of the Intelligence unit was gone. Only detectives Olinsky and Halstead were left, both sitting at their desks, chatting to one another. Hank was in his office, working on some paperwork.

Mustering all the confidence you had, you walked straight through the bullpen and into the doorway of Hank’s office. You knocked on the doorframe softly as he looked up, smiling at him. “Hey. Have you eaten yet?”

Hank hummed and sat up in his seat, having been leaning over before. “No, I haven’t,” he said softly, motioning you inside.

You shut the door behind you, sitting down across from him and pulling things from the cooler you’d since set down. “I figured we could talk and eat,” you replied. “Turkey or ham?”

Hank looked you over. “You didn’t have to do this, (Y/N).”

You blushed, but pulled out a chilled water bottle and set it in front of him. “Turkey or Ham?” You insisted.

Hank was silent for a moment, meeting your eyes. Your previously mustered confidence was the only thing holding you together, and it was quickly fading as Hank challenged your kindness. He didn’t mean to, it was simply his demeanor. “Ham,” he finally said.

You held out the chilled ham sandwich you’d prepared that morning, allowing him to take it as you cleared your throat, taking a moment to breathe before speaking again. “I just wanted to talk to you, ya know?”

“Okay,” Hank said, nodding and taking a bite from the sandwich. “About what?”

“About yesterday.” You took a bite of your sandwich as well to buy yourself some time. Everything you’d thought of went out the window as the butterflies set in. Hank’s presence was enough to make your head spin, let alone being in a room alone with him. “I, uh, thought about your offer a lot.”

“Mmhm?” Hank hummed as he chewed another bite, looking at you.

You blushed when you met his eyes, looking at your feet, using your free hand to wipe something off of your pants. “Yeah, I… I think… I think what happened was you offered me two things.”

Hank nodded, still looking at you. “I guess maybe I did.”

You looked up to meet his eyes. “Then you know… that those two offers conflict.”

His chocolate eyes ran their way over your figure, then back to your face as Hank nodded. “I suppose they do.”

“So you understand… I can only accept one of those offers. Not because I don’t want both, but because I can’t have both.”

“Which one, then?” Hank asked bluntly, his voice quieter as the tension became thicker between the two of you. He leaned forward in his seat again as he set down his sandwich.

You bit your lip, your chest growing tighter as you swallowed hard. “I… can’t join Intelligence.”

Hank stared at you, a small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. “I understand,” he said softly. “I think that’s a wise choice, though maybe I’m just partial to that option.”

You blushed, nodding slowly, looking down again and picking a hair off your sleeve, then looking back up. “You… really want someone as broken as me?”

Hank let out a small laugh. “(Y/N), you’re not broken. I mean, you’re one of the strongest people I know. What you overcame and what you did to overcome it, that’s ballsy, to say the least. I mean, making Maurice Owens find you a dirty cop to help solve your issues?”

“Yeah,” you muttered, remembering you still hadn’t paid him back for that.

When your eyes moved to the floor once again, Hank noticed the troubled look on your face. “What’s the matter?”

“I forgot that I owe Maurice for a few favors. I don’t even know what he wants.” You sighed. “Shit… probably sex or money.”

Hank shook his head, getting up from his seat and walking over, then crouching in front of you, taking your chin gently in his fingers. You met his eyes again. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll pay Maurice off.”

“But… Are you still out there? Dirty?” You suddenly had second thoughts. If Hank was a dirty cop, he would take you down with him. On the other hand, you couldn’t go much lower than you’d already gone with Jeff.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said softly. “When the time comes, I’ll explain, okay?”

“I just… if we get serious, and you’re dirty, it could-“

“I would never let that happen. Do you trust me?”

You scoffed a little, a small smile pulling at your lips. “I trusted you with my life. It would be silly to stop now.”

“Then know that when I say I would never let anything happen to you because of me, I mean it. I’ll protect you.” His opposite hand was placed on your knee, his eyes looking intently into yours. “I’ll pay Maurice off on your behalf, alright?”

“You really don’t have to do that, Hank, I… I owe him a lot. He said it was doubled at one point… I-“

Hank gently shushed you, rubbing his thumb over your bottom lip as he cupped your face. “I’ve got it. Trust me.”

You nodded slowly. “Okay,” you whispered, leaning into his hand. His touches were so gentle, more so than any man you’d experienced before. For having a bad reputation, Voight didn’t seem all that bad. He was certainly better than Jeff. You understood why Trudy was close with him despite his dirty dealings.

“Okay,” he affirmed, smiling at you. You couldn’t help but smile back, and for just a moment, the world went away. Your horrible past, Voight’s horrible past, the debts you owed to Maurice, it all went away. You gazed into his chocolate brown eyes, his hands now gently holding yours, his smile wrapping you up and making you feel safer than ever. You knew you were making the right choice at that point. “Thank you, Hank.”

[mncxbe]

Sweet n Low

𝑨𝒌𝒊 𝑯𝒂𝒚𝒂𝒌𝒂𝒘𝒂 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡𝒄𝒘: csm spoilers, sad Aki, on and off unestablished relationship, lil bit of smut and silly, slice of life// 2.3k words

𝑨𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆: ok so my city's full of wax cherry trees and they all bloomed this week♡ i was riding a bus when i passed some of the bloomed trees and they looked like they were covered in snow and it gave me this idea for Aki// divider by @benkeibear

𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒙𝒕: Aki rarely takes days off of work. It’s pointless, a waste of precious time he could spend hunting down devils, but after getting injured into a fight, Makima forces him to go on vacation.

The heavy snow on the streets of Tokyo was long replaced by blossoming trees and vendors selling sakura mochi. Everything is so much lighter during spring- the air, the people, everything except the weight on Aki’s shoulders and the questions weighing on his mind. What’s he supposed to do with a free week? The whole point of this vacation is for him to relax and recover, so staying at home with Power and Denji is out of the question. The only other place he knows is Hokkaido, but he swore he’d never go there safe for the anniversary of his parents’ death.

Truth is, Aki has nowhere to go, and when Aki has nowhere to go, he comes to you.

When you open the door to your apartment, your colleague greets you with a nod “Hey there”

Oh hi, Aki. You move to the side, letting him step inside. As always, Aki takes off his shoes and sits down at the kitchen table, looking around the apartment while you make him coffee- medium grind, slow drip with no milk and a pinch of sugar. You notice he’s quieter than usual, his expression darker as he stares at something outside the kitchen window. During the few years you’ve known each other you learnt that Aki has the bad habit of getting lost in his own thoughts when things got tough– his mind is both a refuge and a prison, but today it seems to be the latter. Placing the steaming cup of coffee next to him you squeeze behind his chair, wrapping your arms around his neck. I see you were discharged. You feel any better?

“A little bit…” he muses “Look, I was wondering if I could crash at your place this week. Makima made me take a week off after my injury” You smile, nuzzling your chin in the crook of his neck. He always smells so good despite smoking, like a fresh summer breeze. I’d let you stay but I’m going back to my hometown this week so… “No, no it’s okay I get it. Forget I asked” Aki and you are close, but not close enough to let him stay at your place by himself. Still, you can’t shake off the feeling that you have to do something for him. You could come with me you suggest and he tenses up, shaking his head “I couldn’t possibly it’s your vacation. I don’t want to intrude” Nonsense you giggle, slowly running your hands up the sides of his face and into his hair to undo his topknot. The protests that fall from his lips are quickly silenced when you trace soft kisses on his neck and jaw, working your way up to the shell of his ear.

Come on, Aki, it’ll be fun. You and me in my little hometown for a whole week you whisper, rolling his stiff muscles under your palms, easing the tension in his shoulders. We could go on walks all day. I’ll show you around, it’s a pretty village, quite quiet too, perfect for you to relax. Your hands slide lowers down his chest and abdomen, finding purchase on his thighs. Your body’s practically flush against his back and Aki’s breath catches in his throat when you kiss his cheek again I can help you relax–

“Ok, alright, I’ll come with you” he cuts you off, his thumb brushing against the inside of your wrist, one of the few signs of affection he showed you. You straighten your back at his compliance and ruffle his hair, earning a soft frown from the man Wonderful, we’re leaving tonight.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

You reach your hometown by morning, just before sunrise, and you rent a room at a local inn. “Why don’t you just stay with your family?” he asks the moment the door to your room slides shut behind you. He drops his luggage on the floor and reaches for his pack of cigarettes Because I promised you I’d stay with you. You snap your fingers to get his attention and Aki turns to see you pointing at a no smoking inside sign and huffs, mumbling curses under his breath as he returns the pack to his breast pocket. “I really have to go all the way to the front porch to have my damn cigarette?”

Sort of you laugh and it’s like music to his ears. He takes a deep breath in to calm his nerves and looks around the room: it wasn’t much larger than his own bedroom, with a bed in the middle and a table for two in the corner, next to the built-in closet. A fresh breeze seeps inside the room through the open window, carrying a faint flowery scent. It was early morning and people were slowly starting to come out on the streets “So, what’s the plan for today?” Jee, Aki, relax we just got here. We should sleep for a while, we’ve been up all night you say as if you didn’t sleep during the whole trip. “I think I’ll pass. I’m going to take a walk around town” You nod, yawning as you slip out of your clothes and into your pajamas. You sure you don’t want to stay?

Curling up between the sheets with you in his arms sounds awfully tempting, but he needs to be alone at least for a while. “I’m sure. I’ll be back in a few hours though”

And so he leaves the inn and walks down the stone paved street lined with pretty houses, family restaurants and shops with closed windows. From time to time, someone passes by and gives him a friendly good morning but aside from that, the place is silent. There are no cars rushing around, no bustling crowds and no devils massacring innocent civilians, just peace and quiet, as if the whole town was frozen in time. Aki doesn’t understand how a village just hours away from Tokyo could be so serene, but he welcomes the normality of this place, allowing it to settle down over him and soothe his worries.

He finds a bench on the main street and takes a seat, procuring his pack. He cups the flame of his lighter with a hand, sheltering it from the soft breeze as he lights a cigarette and takes a deep breath in, the smoke stinging the back of his throat. Aki drops his head back and closes his eyes, listening to the birds chirping in the distance. Perfect, everything is perfect, he’s certain he made the right decision by joining you on this trip. He’d go back to you in a few hours and you’ll show him around town, maybe he’ll even get to meet your family one of these days and the two of you would have a good time. Maybe he will even allow himself to believe that you are more than occasional fuck buddies.

But then he notices the trees and the sense of peace crumbles. As he looks up at the crowns of flowers above him through half lidded eyes they seem covered in snow and nausea washes over him. How did he not notice them sooner? Fuck his mind for not allowing him to have one peaceful moment before memories of the day his family died rushed in. Suddenly, the picture he conjured up of this corner of paradise, his plans to enjoy the vacation are spoiled, slipping through his fingers like sand in an hourglass. He ashes his cigarette and gets up from the bench, retracing his steps back to the inn, away from all the things that remind him of his past. He shuts himself in, desperately trying to ignore his memories and the white trees lining up every street that make him feel like the world is caging in on him.

He doesn’t even realize that he’s in his room until your sleepy voice snaps him back to his senses. Aki, you’re back so soon? you mumble, rubbing your eyes and stretching out an arm, beckoning him to join you in bed. And he does, shrugging off his jacket and slipping under the sheets. Did you have fun on your walk? He mumbles a yes, though you can tell he’s not in the best of spirits, so you simply smile up at him, holding his face in your hands. I’m glad then. Maybe we could go to the hot springs later today. I’m sure you’ll love it. Your touch feels so warm against his skin, your lips so deliciously sweet when you kiss him. Aki hooks an arm around your waist and deepens the kiss, pulling you closer until your bodies are flush against one another and your breaths grow shallower as he pulls your pajama shorts to the side.

His actions are urgent, desperate, but you let him kiss you and touch you and fuck you and he does it like you’re his lifeline. Because in moments like this one, when he's plagued by his past, the pain so vivid and intense even years after those unfortunate events, you are the only thing that brings him peace.

So what’s up with you, hm? You seem awfully tense.

The sun sunk low under the line of the horizon a few hours ago, the only source of light coming from the lampposts on the main street, a hue of gold floating dissipating in the dark of the night. Aki’s back is turned to you as he pretends to sleep, his ribcage rising and falling with each breath he takes. It’s clear he doesn’t want to talk– he’s been acting strange ever since he returned from his walk and didn’t even join you to the onsen, but you can’t just leave him like this.

Shifting closer to him, you run your hand along the expanse of his arm, feeling his muscles relax under your touch. You’re not going to accomplish anything by ignoring me, you press and he sighs, turning to lay on his back. He looks so pretty in the soft light that seeps through the open window, his jaw tense, lips pressed in a tight line, lashes batting slowly as if to fence off the sleep. When he finally speaks his voice has a distant edge to it. “It’s just the trees. They remind me of the snow in Hokkaido”

And is that a bad thing?

Of course you don’t know, he never told you about his parents and he has doubts that this is the right moment to have this conversation. But your eyes are so imploring as you prop yourself up on your forearm and look down at him, waiting for some sort of clarification.

“You know... my parents and my brother died when I was a kid, killed by the Gun devil. It was winter and everything was snowed in. I was playing outside with my brother but I sent him to grab something from the house and that’s when-” His voice is strained, like he has to force the words out of him and you feel your heart breaking for him. Your gaze drifts to at the tree in front of your room’s window, its white flowers basking in moonlight and somehow you can see it: the soft glow of the petals and the way they slope to the ground when the wind sweeps them off their sepals resembles snowflakes falling.

You fiddle with the collar of Aki’s t-shirt, trying to find the right thing to say. Would he even appreciate your sympathy? You know he’s not the type of guy who likes to be pitied and you fear doing worse, pushing him farther away. I’m sorry to hear you say under your breath, wrapping your arms around his narrow waist and placing a gentle kiss to his shoulder. I didn’t know it’d be like this.

“Don’t apologize, it's not your fault. I’ve got my own issues to deal with, but I want us to have a good time here” His reassurance doesn’t really have the effect he hoped for, he can tell you’re already overthinking. Aki cups your cheek, tilting your head up, making you face him. “I mean it, Y/N. Don’t worry.” His lips brush against yours in a soft kiss, his hand finding its way to your thigh, giving it a light squeeze. “Plus they’re just fucking trees. I won’t let them ruin the only actual vacation I had since I joined the Public Safety”

But won’t they bother you if you see them all the time? I mean, hell, they’re everywhere.

"I know they are…” his voice drifts off as he leans closer to you, his deep blue eyes scanning your features as he traces the contour of your face with his fingertips. Your skin is smooth and warm under his touch, a reminder that you’re here. That he’s here. He’s not in the frozen land of Hokkaido, not in his childhood home, but in a little town with cherry trees east of Fukuoka. This is your home, your life, and for a week he’s allowed to be part of it, to forget his worries and leave his past behind. And he’d be damned if he let a couple of plants ruin it for him. So he kisses you again, gently pushing you back down on the mattress as he whispers against your lips “I guess I’ll just have to keep my eye on you whenever we’re outside.”

[writingwhimsey]

Married to The Enemy- Shingen Ch. 37

Warning: This chapter got a little long haha. Sorry!

Chapter 37

A week had passed since Shingen’s surgery. Dr. Sato had given us the wonderful news that Shingen’s tumor had been benign. I was thrilled by this news as was Shingen. Even better, Shingen was being released from the hospital! Granted we still had to make a few followup appointments to be sure Shingen was healing okay and there were no signs of the tumor coming back or any new tumors growing. The doctor was confident there wouldn’t be, but we still had to come back to be sure.

Given the timing of the appointments, this would keep us in the future for a minimum of six months. While I wanted to get back to our home (and I know Shingen did as well), I was excited to get to share so much of my original time with him. I had a spring in my step as I made my way to Shingen’s room, a small bag of clothes for him in my hand.

“Good morning, my angel.” Shingen greeted me as I walked into his room, wearing another flowy sundress.

“Good morning, my love.” I greeted, walking over and giving him a peck on the lips.

“Your smile looks especially radiant today.” He said, lifting a hand to caress my cheek.

“Well, I do get to take you out of here today.” I replied. “Which means you’re healing up well.”

Shingen smiled. “And it means I get to sleep with you in my arms tonight.”

I grinned. “There is that.” It had only been a handful of nights I had been allowed to stay at the hospital with Shingen. Most of the time they shooed me out when visiting hours were over. And since his surgery, I hadn’t dared even sit in the bed with him, afraid I’d hurt him.

It was then that a nurse was coming in. She was removing Shingen’s IV and unhooking him from all of the monitors he’d been attached to during his stay. Shortly after she finished and left, Dr. Sato was coming in to give us Shingen’s discharge instructions.

“Alright, Mr. Takahashi, how are you feeling?” He asked.

“Pretty good.” Shingen answered. “And rather excited to get out of here.”

Dr. Sato smiled. “I can imagine.” He said. “Just remember to take things easy. I know you are used to a higher activity level, but you should slowly work back up to that. Your body is still healing. Nothing too strenuous for a few weeks. Though do keep walking and moving. We don’t want blood clots to develop. Your incision should be close to being completely closed up, but still keep the area clean and dry to keep away infection. Be careful not to reopen it as well. Then we’ll see you back here in two weeks for your first followup.”

“Don’t worry, I will make sure he follows all of those instructions.” I said.

The doctor gave us more instructions and we had to sign a few forms, then we were free to get Shingen out of there. I was pulling the clothes I had brought for Shingen from the bag. I explained what I had brought for him, a pair of black basketball shorts, a white t-shirt, some boxers, socks and the sandals he had been wearing when we arrived. I was good at figuring out most clothing sizes…but shoe sizes were a bit more difficult.

“These are some more comfy clothes. I figured since you’re still recovering, we’ll just head back to the apartment and just have an in-home night. We’ll watch some movies and I’ll make us a nice dinner and some chocolate chip cookies.” I told Shingen, when he finished getting dressed, looking incredibly handsome even in such relaxed clothing.

“These are pretty comfortable.” Shingen replied. “Are you sure you don’t want to go out? I’m feeling pretty good.”

“Shingen, you’re still on pain medication.” I replied. “Also Dr. Sato just said you have to take it easy. And there is nothing easier than cuddling up at home on the couch and watching some movies.”

Shingen smiled. “I still don’t understand what these movies are, but I like the sound of cuddling up with you.” He was then wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a hug.

I smiled as I reveled in that hug. “Alright, let’s get going. I’m ready to get you home…well our temporary home anyways.”

Shingen smiled. “I am looking forward to it.” He said, kissing me on the forehead.

We left the hospital, hand-in-hand. I happily led Shingen to the apartment building and to our apartment. “Now it’s nothing fancy or anything, but it will do for what we need while we’re here.” I said as I unlocked the door. “Welcome home, Shingen.”

Shingen smiled as he stepped inside and looked around the modern apartment. While I had been spending every spare moment I could at the hospital over the last week, my grandmother had brought over some of my old things. So I had been able to decorate the place a bit.

“I like it.” Shingen said. “It feels…like you.”

I felt my cheeks heating up. “Alright, now let me give you the grand tour.” I told him, as we took off our shoes. “This is the living room area here. This table and chairs marks the dining area. This is the kitchen. Down this little hall we have a linen closet here and then this door leads to the bathroom and then here is our bedroom.”

Shingen’s gray eyes swept over the room, taking in everything. It honestly made me a little self-conscious and worried. Did I clean it well enough? And what does he think of my decorating I wonder? I mean anything has to be better than the sterile white of the hospital room he’s been in for so long now.

“I like it. And I like that this bed is definitely big enough for the two of us.” Shingen said, giving me a rather seductive smile as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.

I giggled as I returned the embrace, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my head against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat beneath my ear. That was a sound I would never take for granted. “It has felt too big without you.” I replied. “Cuddling that spare pillow isn’t the same as cuddling up with you.”

“How can one person be so adorable?” Shingen asked before his fingers were slipping beneath my chin, tipping my head back before planting his lips on mine.

I parted my lips when I felt the prodding of his tongue, allowing the kiss to deepen. How did he always taste so sweet? We were both panting by the time we broke the kiss. I smiled up at Shingen. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Shingen replied, his hand stroking my cheek. 

I was in danger of being swept away in those seductive gray eyes. Getting swept up in the fact that he was out of the hospital and we were in the bedroom we were going to be sharing over these next few months…

“Are you hungry? I was thinking you’ve been living off of hospital food for so long now that I would make us a really nice dinner. A full spread.” I said.

“You don’t have to cook.” Shingen replied.

“But I want to.” I replied, my cheeks reddening a bit. “I…I like the idea of cooking a nice romantic dinner to enjoy with my husband.”

“Well, I can’t refuse an offer like that, then.” Shingen replied, kissing me on the forehead.

We exited the bedroom and went to the kitchen. I had told Shingen to make himself comfy on the couch, but he said he wanted to help me in the kitchen. Though really all he did was stand behind me, arms wrapped around my waist as I cooked for us. He would occasionally kiss the side of my neck.

“Mmm, it smells good. I’m not sure if it’s the food or you.” Shingen said after placing another kiss on the side of my neck.

I let out a giggle. “I wonder if you’ll say the same once I start on the cookies later.”

“What are these cookies you’ve mentioned?” Shingen asked.

“They’re a delicious dessert. One of the best sweets ever made.” I answered. “Though the best part about them is that you can eat the dough before you bake it and it’s just as delicious.”

“Hmm, sounds good.” Shingen replied. “Though I thought you were my dessert.” He was then peppering more kisses along the side of my neck once again.

I was giggling. “You’re incorrigible.” I said though I was happy to have Shingen and his doting affection.

Once I finally got dinner finished we were sitting down to eat. “This is delicious.” Shingen declared after his first bite. He then proceeded to eat the meal with gusto.

I smiled, my cheeks flushed pleasantly from the compliment on my cooking. “I’m glad you like it.” I could see why Masamune loved to cook for others.

Shingen reached across the table and took my hand in his, bringing it to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss to the back. “I think it is all the more delicious for being made by these beautiful hands.”

I grinned, my cheeks flushing further. “You exaggerate…you flirt.”

Shingen kissed my hand again. “I can’t help it when it comes to you, my love.”

We finished our dinner and then we were back in the kitchen, working on the cookies. “That dough smells delicious.” Shingen said.

“It tastes even better.” I replied, dipping my finger into the bowl and scooping up a bit of the dough. I held my finger up to Shingen’s lips. “You should try it.”

Shingen smiled seductively at me as he parted his lips and took my finger between them. I could feel his tongue sliding sensually over my finger, swirling around it. His gaze held mine as he thoroughly licked my finger clean.

“Mmm, that is delicious.” Shingen said, still grinning after he had released my finger.

I couldn’t think of a response. I was melting from the way he looked at me and the way his tongue had swirled over my finger…reminding me of the other things that tongue was capable of doing.

“Ava, are you alright?” Shingen asked, lifting his hand to caress my cheek.

“Fine.” I replied. “I just…we have cookies to finish baking.” I was then turning back to get things ready.

Shingen chuckled as he moved to stand behind me, his hands going to rest on my hips. He was then kissing my neck just as he had while I had been making dinner. “I still think you might be sweeter.”

Somehow I managed to get the cookies baked. I got Shingen to settle in on the couch and had a plate of cookies. “I’m going to put on my pajamas and then I’ll settle in with you and we’ll watch a movie.”

“I look forward to seeing your pajamas.” He said, grinning at me before picking up a cookie.

I felt myself flushing once again. “You better not eat all of those cookies while I’m gone.” I teased.

“I make no promises.They’re delicious.”  Shingen replied.

I giggled and then headed to change. I took off my sundress and bra and slid into a pair of cotton pajama shorts that were pink and white striped and a white tank top. I then headed out to join Shingen in the living room.

Shingen’s eyes widened as I came out of the bedroom. He was setting the plate of cookies off to the side and opening his arms up for me. “Come here, my angel.”

I giggled as I sat down by him and nestled into his arms. “I take it you like my pajamas?”

“I like all of the clothes you’ve been wearing since we’ve come to your time.” Shingen replied, his hands beginning to run over my legs. “All of your clothes have been so…revealing. I like them.”

I giggled. “Why did I have a feeling you would?” I asked, grinning up at him.

“Because you know me so well, my love.” Shingen replied, leaning in to give me a peck on the lips.

I smiled at him. “Alright, we should get this movie going.” I declared grabbing the remote and flipping on the TV.

“You said these movies are like plays that have been recorded to be watched over and over, right?” Shingen asked.

I nodded. “Yup, that’s the gist of it. And we use the TV’s to watch them…and I think we should start with one of my favorites, The Princess Bride.”

“A favorite? Well, then I definitely have to pay attention to this.” Shingen said. “What is it you love about it?”

“It’s a love story with adventure and fantasy. A dashing rescue. The works.” I answered.

Shingen smiled and hugged me tighter. “Then I think I will definitely enjoy it as well.”

We snuggled up on the couch and I found the movie and got it playing. Shingen kept his arms around me the entire time we watched the movie. He would turn his head every so often to place a kiss on my forehead or the top of my head. But he was definitely paying attention to the movie. 

“A very romantic story indeed.” Shingen said once the movie had finished. “I can see why you like it so much.”

“What did you think of it?” I asked.

“A good…movie.” Shingen answered. “I liked it.”

I smiled happy that he had enjoyed one of my favorite movies. “Why don’t we watch another one?”

Shingen smiled at me. “As you wish.”***

I may or may not have melted right there. I leaned in and gave him a peck on the lips. “How can one man be so perfect?” I asked after pulling away.

“I am far from perfect.” Shingen countered.

“Well, you’re pretty perfect for me.” I replied. “Quoting my favorite movie. Being so sweet and loving and affectionate. Always making me smile and laugh. Your kindness. I could go on all night.”

“As could I about you, my angel.” Shingen replied. “Though I would rather show you my love in another way.” He was then pulling me closer, his large hands beginning to wander over my curves. His lips on my neck.

I giggled. “Shingen…you just got out of the hospital.”

“Yes, and I am feeling perfectly well.” Shingen replied, nipping at my ear.

I shivered. “Shingen…you heard the doctor…he said nothing…strenuous…”

“There is absolutely nothing strenuous about loving my goddess.” Shingen countered. He was then moving, pulling me into his lap. He’d had to twist his torso…and I saw him wince.

“What was that?”

“N…Nothing…” Shingen let out in a partial groan.

I put my hands on either side of his face. I could see the pain in his eyes. “As much as I would love nothing more than to make love right now, I’d really rather you not hurt yourself.” I said. “You just got out of the hospital…you just had surgery a week ago. Major surgery at that.”

“You are…probably right.” Shingen admitted with a resigned sigh. “But once I have made a full recovery, I plan to worship my goddess properly for taking such good care of me.”

“And I won’t stop you then.” I replied, grinning. “Let me go get your medication.” I gave him a kiss and then returned with the pain medicine and a glass of water.

After that, Shingen and I settled in to watch another movie, all cuddled up once again. By the end of the movie, we were heading for bed, the medicine making Shingen drowsy. Once we had climbed under the covers, Shingen’s arms were wrapping around me and pulling me close.

I nestled into his embrace, my head resting against his chest. I could feel his warmth and hear his heart beating beneath my ear. I could breathe in his scent. “I love you, Shingen.” I murmured as my eyes slowly drifted closed.

“I love you, Ava.” Shingen replied.

We both fell asleep quickly and slept quite soundly wrapped up in each other’s arms. Having Shingen was definitely better than any pillow.

Taglist: @limonzu @zulablaise @oda-princess @kisara-16 @tele86 @lovely-bubb1es @lucyw260 @selenacosmic

[alreadyblondenow]

Lost

Pairing: Dr. Jaehyun x Female Reader

Genre: Strangers to lovers, broken marriage, smut, fluff, angst?

Warnings: Unprotected sex, protected sex, mentions of divorce, broken marriage, fighting, mentions of hospital, slight car accident but not major (please if you have trauma DONT READ).

Note: This story is not finished and not proofread. I think I’ll make a poll or voting to finish the story???????? If y’all are interested to the story so much.

———————

“I’m fine, really” you faked a laugh in front of your co workers and told them you could leave with them already but the nurses around you strongly disagrees.

“The company will pay for everything. Treat this place as… 5 star hotel” your friend jokes, she knew how you’ve been overworking these past few days and they are all witnesses.

“Well if the patient wants to go despite her weak condition, she can. But I’ll tell you this, she will struggle for the next days at work and we will meet again”

The handsome doctor enters the scene and smiled handsomely at you. Dr. Jeong Jaehyun. He’s here at the emergency room for his internship, “you’re in good hands” he said.

Ever since that day Dr. Jaehyun was on the lookout for you and has been your company during your stay at the hospital. And when you got discharged, on the same day, he took you on a date.

And the rest is history.

Grew more and more in love with each other, became a huge part of each other’s lives, celebrated victories together and even became each other’s support in times of need it was a beautiful relationship, something rare and unique. And you both knew that it will be the two of you until the end.

“I can pick you up if you’re too sleepy to drive” you tell your boyfriend through the phone, telling him you miss him and that you can pick him up. He just got off from his 10 hour long shift and he was telling you how tired he was. “I’ll be there in a matter of minutes” you added

“But you’re tired too” he said.

“Not as tired as you are. Come on,” eventually Jaehyun gave up and let you pick hin up from the hospital. The sun was about to come out while you’re on your way to him, and when you arrived he was already waiting outside. Waiting for you to come out of your car and give him a warm hug and kiss. Of course you were excited to see him and be with him too. So you ran and Jaehyun spread his arms wide to welcome your warm hug.

“I’m not tired anymore, seeing you gave me energy,” he said but his eyes were obviously tired. You just smiled at him and kissed him softly. “Wow. I really feel like I can run 100 laps—“

“Okay. Whatever you say” you giggle and pushed him towards your car.

During the short drive, Jaehyun already slept like a baby and you can’t help but try to be a better and steady driver for he’s a light sleeper. You can’t ruin his sleep. When you arrived at your place, he was already awake but still sleepy, like he was thinking about something that happened earlier.

“It’s my first time seeing a dead body today. I got pale in instant,” he sighed and grabbed his stuff before you can even comfort him. Thinking maybe he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but deep inside you wanted to comfort him.

Jaehyun being a sweet and caring boyfriend… sometimes that is the problem in your relationship.

He didn’t want to share his struggles with you because he thinks he’s making you uncomfortable and he didn’t want you to worry because of him. It’s a work in progress but Jaehyun is a hard job, you thought.

“You know that I’m here to listen right?” You said to him while you watch him brush his teeth. You can see that he’s blushing, his ears were all red and he was smiling while brushing his teeth. And by the time he’s done, he kissed you with his minty lips and walked you towards your bed.

“Well, that’s good morning for me” he said with a sweet smile, hands creeping at the hem of your shirt until they’re inside already. Touching you softly.

“I think we had sex the other morning too?” You giggle while he’s busy kissing your neck. “Want me to ride you instead? You looked really tired,”

“Who says were having sex this morning?” He teased you while touching your boobs gently and making your nipples hard.

Then he stopped and rest his head on your chest. He got up he looked frustrated out of nowhere and you wonder why. Maybe its what he said earlier? Or maybe he just realized that he’s using you now to keep his mind off of things- which is something he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t be using you, he was supposed to be honest. But he can’t gather or muster his bravery to show you this side of him. He didn’t want you to him so weak and vulnerable.

Thinking maybe you’ll love him less.

“I’m sorry if I’m too busy these days. To be honest I feel like… I come home to you every morning and I lure you to have sex with me— and I feel like sometimes I’m just using you for stress relief “

And that’s it. That’s all the honesty he could get out of his system.

“You’re not” you said sweetly and pat his side of the bed to make him lie beside you. He did what you said, now he’s staring blankly at the ceiling, and you disturb him by hugging him and resting you head on his chest. He reached for your hand and intertwined your fingers and went apologizing again.

“Breakfast?” You tried and cheer him up, thinking maybe you can change his mood. You see that he’s trying, he smiled and kissed your forehead before he tells you,

“I love you. I’m fine, maybe I’m just tired” he never let go of your hand, “Can we hug until I sleep? I know you just woke up and you’re about to start your day. But this is the only time I could be with you,”

“Oh Jaehyun, of course” you came closer and wrapped your arms around him. For a moment there you fall asleep too, and by that time, Jaehyun was sleeping so deeply but his arms were still wrapped around yours. You kissed him on the forehead and tried not to wake him as you got up. But you remember what he told you earlier, a part of his struggle but he never shared it with you.

So because of that, you came back to bed and hugged him tighter. Jaehyun needs you right now, and you can’t let him face his struggles alone.

“I know what you’re doing. Thank you for staying” Jaehyun says with a sleepy voice, he wasn’t fully awake but he somehow got the feeling that you wanted to stay with him today.

When he woke up, you spent some quality time with each other. Catching up with stories after stories, you two even planned a vacation because you two realized you both needed it. In other words, it was a sweet time with Jaehyun. It’s good to show your partner how much he means to you, and of course, Jaehyun was happy for this beautiful time too.

“What will I do without you?” He joked and kissed you on the lips.

5 years later

He was the first person you could think of but the last person you wanted to see. You knew that you needed help today, you knew that you could have called anyone but him… but you did it anyway.

“Are you okay? — yah! Answer me, are you crazy!”

Jaehyun yelled at you in the middle of the road, worried sick because you got into an accident and hit your car on a tree. It was because you haven’t gotten enough sleep. Actually, you haven’t been sleeping right for a week already.

“Can you at least be kinder and more gentle? For goodness sakes Jaehyun, I got into an accident”

“That’s the point—“ he let out a heavy sigh before soothing your back and being thankful that you’re safe. “Are you sure nothing hurts? Let’s go to the hospital—“

Where? The hospital that kept you from me? The hospital who took you away from me and ruined our marriage? No thank you.

“I’m fine. Really. I-Im sorry I don’t know who to call earlier” You said and Jaehyun just looked at you. Maybe it will really take years to finally adjust and be completely out of each other’s lives.

The separation broke your hearts and quite frankly brought a great change in your lives. But what can you do? The married life is not for you or Jaehyun so you decided to on separate ways.

But that’s what you thought. You thought by separating, you can finally put an end to Jaehyun’s pain but little did you know, your husband is struggling too. Jaehyun may look handsome from head to toe, he may look so composed all the time, but the man’s heart is still in pain because of you. It pains him that you left, it pains that he can’t do something to fix your relationship, it pains him that he lost you completely.

While Jaehyun drives quietly, you can’t help but notice his ring finger. The mark from his wedding ring was still there, maybe he removed it while on his way to you earlier. But honestly it bothers you more that Jaehyun is still longing for your marriage still.

As he continues to drive quietly until he reaches your place, he suddenly felt sick and broken hearted once again. This was once his home too.

“You know we can split the money if we sell the apartment-“ you started but Jaehyun cut you off.

“The apartment is yours. You bought it and I just crash in with you and gave you a hard time during our marriage” he said.

“When will you sign the divorce papers?” You changed the subject.

“It’s getting late you should go” he changed it again. Avoiding the topic of being divorced. That has been Jaehyun’s ultimate goal whenever you remind him of the reality and or whenever the people around him ask about you.

Before you two get married

You almost tripped in the dark while Jaehyun was aggressively kissing you towards his bed. It felt cold the whole day, but Jaehyun’s touch sure did warmed you up, his lips comforted you, his smiles in between kisses made the butterflies in your stomach flap their pretty wings. What is it with man?

“I love you” he whispered and stopped the kiss. Loving how you look under the moonlight that shines perfectly from his window.

“Funny because I was thinking the same thing- I love you too”

And that was the start of your new chapter in life with Jaehyun. You bought a new place and moved in with him. You get to know every single detail about him, physically and emotionally. You learned how to support each other in all the things that you do, no matter how big or small. You matured together and be better for each other.

It was a perfect relationship and you couldn’t ask for more.

“I will be gone for a couple of weeks, it’s a great opportunity to prove what I can do”

He said in a very soft tone. The rain was soothing and so is the song that Jaehyun played as you two enjoy the weather in bed.

“Well, I’ll be here. You’re going to be great- I’ll miss you like crazy but we’ll have more sweeter days when you get back”

He smiled when he heard your words, blushes like crazy as he flashes his handsome smile and started kissing you. His hand cupping you face, pulling you closer to him until there’s no more space in between you two.

While he was away, your days were normal and you didn’t even feel alone in your shared apartment because Jaehyun left lovely notes around. On top of that, he calls you whenever he can and you excitedly answer it every time.

“I miss you. I’m counting down the days until I see you again and I promise you I will stick to you like crazy glue”

“Oh Jae you don’t have to do that” you giggled, “but I’d love that— by the way your mom called, he was asking about you. Have you heard from her?”

“We’ll actually, I didn’t want to lie to you. It was just me forcing her to call you- Aren’t you lonely? Plus you two never bond”

“We can bond together when you get back. I’m fine honestly” you said assuring him with the truth.

This great physical distance between you and Jaehyun just simply prooved that you’re both crazy with each other and that the love you have right now is real. Of course Jaehyun surprised you when got back. You were surprised that you were speechless and threw your arms around him and showered him with kisses which led you two on the clean and cold kitchen floor, making out like there’s no tomorrow. Whispering “i missed you so much” and “i missed you too” over and over again until you both got tired and ended up laughing while staring at the ceiling, hands intertwined and feeling each other’s warmth again.

“You got thin… baby, what kind of work were you doing back there?” You said with a worried tone, trying to get out from Jaehyun’s tight embrace but he wouldn’t let you.

“I’m fine. So what do we have for dinner? Are you part of the menu?” He said with closed eyes, obviously he’s tired but he was fighting it so he could enjoy this moment for you.

“Well I wasn’t ready tonight, but I can cook real quick. You can rest for a bit, yeah?” You smiled weakly and raked his hair away from his face, waiting for him to answer and open his eyes.

“Sounds like a plan” he said and quickly you two got up from the cold floor and started working around the kitchen. But by the time that you were done preparing him dinner, Jaehyun was already in deep sleep in your shared bedroom. He was so tired that he forgot to change clothes and so you did the honors, kissing him softly and hugging him as you doze off beside him.

On the next day, Jaehyun woke up with a growling stomach and immediately felt sorry because he dozed off without a warning last night. He thought maybe you’re mad about it but your embrace says otherwise. So he dropped the disappointment and admired your face while you’re sleeping and looked at your hand long and hard.

Secretly he got out of bed and went to his unpacked stuff for the ring.

He kneeled on the carpeted floor and reached for your hand, kissed it until you wake up and hopefully you won’t punch him by the time you realize what he was doing.

“Jaehyun—“

“I know- I know it’s out of our plans and we never talked about marriage yet. But Y/n, I love you—“

“Yes! I’ll marry you, Jaehyun! YES!” You cut him off with your answer and showered him with kisses. Putting him on top of you after he finally put the ring on your finger.

A week after you handed him the divorce papers

He was still in his usual all black office attire when you arrived at your shared apartment, you figured he waited for you again.

You caught him fidgeting his wedding ring while sitting quietly on the couch with no lights on, just the perfect city lights illuminating the room. But the mood and the atmosphere of the place was so heavy and depressing, he just looked at you coldly while you put your keys on the table and make your way to the dressing room to change.

You thought that this night will be full of arguing again but you were wrong. He was quiet this time and didn’t even say a word, maybe he got tired from all the fighting and shouting these past few days. Maybe he’s finally signing the divorce papers.

It’s been three months since you last slept in one bed together.

Six months since the last kiss that you shared. And almost a year since you last had sex.

You wish you could fix your marriage but everything is too late you believe. There’s no point in pointing fingers, you knew you’re both at fault. But now that you’ve totally given up with your marriage, somehow you feel guilty, somehow you feel like you’re the bad person even tho you were the one who got hurt a lot in this marriage.

“Baby, let’s talk” Jaehyun said but you just ignored him. Just as you thought that Jaehyun will leave you alone for tonight, you were wrong.

While you were cleaning your face, Jaehyun quietly leaned on the door frame and waiting for you to finish. He was not saying anything, and he was just standing there. Just standing and looking at the floor.

“Good night” You said and tried to pass but he stopped you.

“Do you know the main reason why I married you?” He started and finally breaking his silence, “it’s because I never want to loose you and be away from you- I never want to be erased in your life, I wanted to keep you. Forever”

“Can we have one peaceful night, Jaehyun? Just for tonight”

“No. I will fight for our marriage even though you’re obviously so done with it already”

“Well you could have fought for us a long time ago! But you chose to be alone! We were already in the middle of a broken marriage! When was the last time you said you love me? Or even kissed me? The last time we had sex — I feel like I was with a different man!”

Then Jaehyun was silent again. You turned your back and wished for him to go away, but he came closer to you. You can feel his hot breath on your nape and feel your heart beat faster.

He started kissing your shoulders all the way up to your nape. It was good actually. But you cant be weak just because of his lips and so you said, “don’t do this” even though you don’t want him to stop. Deep inside, what you really wanted to say was “don’t stop. I missed this”

“I’m sorry. I really mean it. Come back to me, please. I’m sorry” he said in a very sexy tone, while kissing you. You turned around to see if he was sincere, and you see him in tears. Continuously longing for your warmth and forgiveness.

And so you returned the kiss, but this has consequences. You promised to yourself that this will be the last time. And you will eagerly find the courage to move out and leave him. Officially.

Jaehyun motioned you to your shared room, kissing you endlessly and holding you closer even though there’s no more space between you two. He was that desperate not to lose you anymore. He was gentle and soft the whole time, almost as if he had brought you back in the past when you’re still a happy couple.

You felt his hand slip inside your thin shorts, enough to let you know whats about to happen next. You helped him removed his clothes, he did yours too. And the whole time he thought that you were loving this, but the truth is you were just horny at the moment.

He started by kissing you softly, all the way down to your lower abdomen and finally on your very wet sex. You felt Jaehyun’s hot tongue go up and down on your slit oh so slowly, gripping your thigh and trying to stop them from moving. He once again met your lips, allowing you to taste yourself. This time his hands were all over your body, kneading your boobs and pinching your nipples just how you like it.

Oh it feels good you thought. You can’t remember the last time Jaehyun was like this in bed.

“I’m sorry” he whispered. Making sure that you’re still on the same page before he continues.

He was waiting for your response. Kissing you softly and whispering his apologies, holding you tenderly and letting you know that he’s sincere. “It hurts me Y/n. It hurts me that our marriage is falling apart. Let me win you back please-“

You cut him off with a hungry kiss. Holding him by the nape and drying his tears away. But just as you were about to reach in for another kiss, he slammed his cock in your hole and made you grip his shoulders and moan so loud. Oh how you’ve missed this.

“Condom” you quickly reached for the bedside drawer and opened one packet, not knowing that Jaehyun got offended with your actions…

Condom? He said to himself. I’m your husband, I’m not a hookup.

“Hey, you okay?” You disturbed his thoughts.

But Jaehyun knew better than killing the vibe and stopping what you’re doing right now. He didn’t want to spark up another fight, he was just about to win you again and he will not risk it. “I’m sorry, it’s just that you looked so beautiful” he said and planted a kiss on your cheek before he slowly removed his cock for the condom.

Making you feel his thick and veiny cock again. Slowly, Jaehyun fucked you well that you felt dizzy and on high the whole time. He folded your knees and spread it good so he can reach more inside of you, not letting go of your lips, he catches every breath and every moan you make.

You reached for his hand, which made Jaehyun smile, he let you grip his hands even if it hurts him already. He didn’t care, he was thankful enough that you’re holding him. When the feeling was too much, you started kissing Jaehyun’s hand, sucking his fingers slowly. When Jaehyun felt good and became really turned on because of what you were doing, he pulled out and flip you on your stomach and thrust again while gripping your ass so hard.

“Jaehyun fuck— I’m weak” he reach for your arms to keep you close to him, skin to skin, your back on Jaehyun’s chest. It felt so good. He even doubled the pleasure by reaching down to your wet pussy and run his fingers on your slit to stimulate you. “That’s too much” You said but you were too weak at this point that you landed on the mattress and get away from Jaehyun’s grip.

“You came already. I thought we were gonna cum together?” He asked in sweet tone while kissing your back, hands still moving around your body, kneading your boobs, pinching your nipples. You love it.

“You’re so tight in this position-“ Jaehyun said and continue fucking you again. Spreading your legs from behind and fucking you hard. Even harder than earlier that your face is buried in your white sheets and gripping it tight for you are so overstimulated already.

When Jaehyun finally came, he pulled and removed the condom before pumping his cock and feel his hot cum land on your skin. You can tell that Jaehyun wanted another round with you. But all he can say was he was aware that you two haven’t had good sex for months.

“It’s just that I know that were not okay, and I didn’t think that sex will fix anything. I was afraid I’d annoy you even more. I was giving you space- I’ve had enough of giving Y/n. I want to take you back”

You feel bad about the condom and you realized what you just made him do while you were listening to what he was saying. You covered your face with your arm and said sorry over and over again. How could you treat him like this? Was asking for divorce wasn’t enough that you had to hurt him in bed like this too?

“You did nothing wrong. We can go for another round without one if you want” he smiled and planted kisses on your face. Tears started falling from Jaehyun’s eyes and you were quick to dry them.

“I feel so lost Y/n. Come back to me” he finally said it, reaching for your bedside drawer to get your wedding ring and make you wear it again. He kissed your hand. Over and over again. And you can see that Jaehyun really cares for your marriage.

But that didn’t change anything.

A week after, Jaehyun found the divorce papers on the dining table and felt his heart break over and over again. How could you do this, he thought. He knew that sex wasn’t the answer to fix your marriage, but wasn’t his sincerity enough? He showed you he couldn’t live without you. He said his heart was still full of love for you. He even admitted that he was lost and he needed saving.

When you got home one night, Jaehyun was nowhere to be found. His things were gone, half of the apartment was empty but the divorce papers were still unsigned. You well knew that you hurt him so much this time.

Later that night, he called you. He was drunk and wasn’t in his right mind. Of course you were worried sick but he was eager to give the space you’ve been asking for.

“Come home- at least for tonight. Where are you? I’ll pick you up”

“No. You wanted this. I’m giving it to you- what have I done wrong?” He said in his drunken state, cursing his life every minute, trying so hard to stay up while downing bottles of liquor.

When he ended the call, you went out immediately to find him. Went to every bar you knew and hope that he’s there, you got lucky at your sixth try. The bar was closing already and Jaehyun was sleeping on the table, your heart broke when you suddenly remembered that you put him into this position and your heart broke once again when you saw the tissue on the table, with a note that says.

“Call my wife”

When you brought him home safe and sound, Jaehyun was still drunk and wasn’t aware of his surroundings. He was crying and was still asking for more alcohol like he was still at the bar, little did he know his home and you’ve already taken care of him.

“Don’t go” he murmurs. “Stay for the last time” he said with tears in his closed eyes.

You gave in to his request, tucked him in bed and lay beside him. He was not a stranger but he’s about to become one. You try to forget how warm he feels whenever he hugs you, you try to forget how he usually helps you relieve your stress in just one hug, you try to forget the old Jaehyun that you long for so much. The one that was long gone already.

“You changed Jae, that’s what you did wrong” you whispered and planted a kiss on his forehead, knowing that he is already in deep sleep.

Present day

It been a week since the accident and you don’t know what happened but Jaehyun got his bravery back again. One night, you got home from work and you see fresh flowers in the middle of the dining table. You figured maybe Jaehyun visited while you were at work. But his intention was not to visit the place, but to help you take care of yourself. He bought grocery supplies and checked the place. He figured you didn’t have time for these because you were so busy.

One time, he knew that you were working from home and he ordered food for you. You were surprised by the sudden food delivery but nonetheless you were happy because you were starving already.

“Okay, what’s the catch?” You finally called him and thanked him for his efforts.

“I’m your husband, I’m just doing my job”

I wish you could have done this before and save our marriage, you thought.

“Hey, I know what you’re thinking. Who knows maybe I can still change your mind?” He joked but he was half serious. “Are you free on Saturday?”

“I’m not going on a date with you”

“It’s mom, she wanted to see us” Jaehyun bit his lower lip and and continued, “we should tell her the truth together. She deserves it. After that…” he let out a heavy sigh, “I’ll sign the papers. And I will be out of your life. Completely”

“We can stay as friends “ you said without hesitation. It was quiet for a moment and you can hear that he’s still at the hospital. Being the good doctor that he is.

You heard him fake a giggle, knowing all too well that what you said hurt him. “We can’t be friends Y/n. I love you too much. Still. It will take years for me to forget you,”

“Just let me love you while I still can” he added.

Before Saturday comes, Jaehyun was making incredible effort for you and if you’re being honest. You’re enjoying it. It was as if you’re newly weds again. There isn’t a day where Jaehyun makes you smile, takes care of you, drive you to work or pick you up,

One night, when the rain was incredibly strong, you prepared a warm bath for him which he liked. Memories overflowing as he takes a bath alone, he remembers many heated moments, sweet talks … and even fights.

“Okay stay still, how was your shower?” You asked him while you dry his hair with a towel.

“Could have been better if you joined me” he joke, you just laughed and hit his shoulder softly. “It was nice, thanks for preparing it for me” he said and wrapped his arms around your waist while you’re standing in between his legs. You knew what he wanted, but you cant be weak again.

“It will be cold tonight, h-how many layers do you want?” You tried avoiding his sweet kisses which eventually he gave up and answered your questions, “three please. And some thick socks, my toes are freezing”

You boop his nose and left him. Bringing back the layers he asked and the pair of socks he asked for. But by the time you got back, he was already sleeping. You were sure the moment you saw him earlier, Jaehyun was tired to the bone but he still managed to pick you up from work, show you a bright smile and well, make your day perfect. When it was your time to rest, and call it a day, after a few minutes Jaehyun joined you in your bed. This bed used to be for two people who loves each other, now its half empty Jaehyun thought.

He noticed you still sleep on your side of the bed, as if you still wait for him to come home and fill in the empty space.

“Jae,” you felt his presence and got up from your comfort, he was about to leave the room to give you privacy, “stay. sleep here, it’s cold outside”

Oh how he wish to hear those words from you to save your marriage.

He almost teared up but he didn’t show you. Instead, he lay beside you, on his side of the bed. It felt like he was home again, especially now that you’re beside him. To be honest, he’s not tired anymore, he didn’t even want to sleep again.

“Comfortable?” You asked him sweetly, pulling the blanket to cover your bodies. Now you’re face to face, and comfortable even though it’s been such a long time since you two shared this bed. The moonlight was perfectly lit in your shared room, and you can’t help but notice how his wedding ring shines because of the moonlight. But Jaehyun didn’t let you ruin the mood, he was quick to pull you closer and remove the ring while you can’t see his hand. And by the time you met eyes again, he made you laugh by saying an old joke you used to tell each other.

Time flies so fast that the sun is already up, telling everyone to start their day. But you and Jaehyun are currently meeting in your dreams right now.

UNFINISHED

————-

Please be advised that this story is unfinished

[loveinhawkins]

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 ao3

Eddie goes to slip out for some air when El starts to doze against Steve’s shoulder.

As he reaches the door, Steve calls for him with a soft, “Wait a sec.”

He turns to see Steve trying to sit up a little, still mindful not to jostle El from where she now sits on the edge of the bed.

“Wake me up if I’m asleep when you get back? I don’t wanna miss Joyce.”

He says it casually, like it’s nothing, but Eddie can hear the trust in his voice.

“Yeah, ‘course I will,” Eddie says, and manages a genuine if subdued smile before he leaves the room.

Outside, he feels like he can let go a little, sighing loudly. It’s starting to rain, but he welcomes it, tilts his face upwards to focus on the sensation of water hitting his skin—hoping that maybe it will somehow chase away the memory of Steve’s words.

You shouldn’t have—

That’s different.

Eddie presses his hands against his eyes, sighs again.

“You okay there?”

He lowers his hands, blinks to adjust to the light.

Joyce Byers is sat on a bench smoking a cigarette, the overhang of the hospital roof sheltering her from the rain. She pats the space beside her in invitation.

He sits down hesitantly. “Yeah, I’m… I’m fine.”

She smiles like she’s not convinced, blows out smoke a little shakily. She takes another drag, then says, “Hop’s gone for Round Two with the doctors. We want Steve to get a discharge note as soon as possible, you know? I just…” She sighs. “Just needed a minute.”

“He’ll be okay, right?” Eddie blurts out, can’t stop a note of anxiety from creeping in. Embarrassingly, his voice trembles right at the end.

Joyce immediately reaches across and squeezes his knee; her hand is small and warm. “Oh, yes, he’s—I’m sorry, honey, I didn’t mean to make you worry.” She finishes the cigarette, stubs it out, and meets Eddie’s gaze reassuringly as she speaks. “He’s recovering, we know that for sure. Jim… Jim talked to him, and he’s probably in more pain than he’d ever let on, but we’re—trust that we’re ready for that, okay? We’re not gonna let him suffer in silence.”

There’s a fierce determination in her voice, and it takes the edge off Eddie’s worry—soothed by the thought that Steve does have people fighting for him.

Joyce draws back her hand, rubs briefly at the side of her face.

Eddie can’t stop himself from noticing, from asking. He never could. “Are you okay?”

She drops her hand, smiles at him. “Oh, you’re sweet. I’m all right, just…” Her eyes go off into the middle distance for a moment, and he is reminded of the snatches he saw of her around town three years ago, when people would sigh patronisingly: That poor woman.

“They had a whole file on Will, you know? So many damn papers, all these charts and monitoring, and, ‘Oh, isn’t this fascinating,’ and…”

Eddie inhales sharply, glad he’s already sitting down. There’s still gaping holes in his knowledge, he knows that Dustin gave him a hasty summary—needs must and all that, just glossing past it with an It all started when Will disappeared. Hearing it from Joyce like this is different, makes him reckon again with the sheer magnitude of it; and he feels ill at the thought of a very young Will Byers being studied.

“But when I cornered them today, it was… they barely had half a page on Steve.” She exhales forcefully. “Cowards. They thought they could get away with it.”

“With what?” Eddie says, already knowing that he won’t like the answer.

“They’re trying to run,” Joyce replies shortly. “They’re getting rid of evidence. I think they thought—hoped—that Steve would slip through the cracks.”

Eddie’s breath catches at that, and Joyce grips his knee again.

“Hey, listen to me. We’re not letting that happen. We’ve got him, okay?”

Eddie nods. “O-okay.”

“I’d better head up and see him.” Joyce stands, and then she just looks at him. “Eddie, you’re—you’ve done so much, you know? Thank you.”

Eddie can’t bite his tongue. “You don’t even know me,” he says, and he’s not sure himself of what he means, if it’s an accusation or… He’s used to murmurs, whispers, suspicion.

But Joyce’s eyes are shining with something like acceptance. She smiles, says, “I know enough,” like it’s easy.

And when she leaves, Eddie just sits with that. Breathes it in. Lets himself trust.

-

He crosses paths with El and Hopper as he heads back inside. He does a feigned double take in the foyer when El spots him, then crosses his eyes.

El sticks out her tongue.

Hopper doesn’t notice him; there’s a purpose to his step, car keys in hand.

Eddie lets them go.

-

Steve doesn’t need to be woke up; Eddie can already hear him talking as he approaches the room. The door is shut, but the corridor is empty, so silent that Eddie can make out words, muffled but comprehensible. Joyce.

“—so sorry, Steve, we went to the cabin first, and the phone kept cutting out, and then Hop got sick so we wanted to hold off, just in case it made you—”

“No, no, it’s fine, I wasn’t expecting—”

There’s a chair just outside the room—Eddie lowers himself into it and waits.

They talk for a while. Eddie zones out for part of it as Joyce does most of the talking, references to Russia that mostly go right over his head.

But then Steve speaks again, and there’s a discomfort in his voice that has Eddie straightening in his seat.

“I know you paid to fix the window, Joyce, please let me—”

“No, no, that’s not—”

“—pay you back, I can—”

“Steve,” Joyce insists, and it’s said kindly, but Eddie can sense the steel core behind it. “No. I don’t want you worrying about anything like that. It’s not a problem, okay?”

There’s a pause. In the silence, it’s almost like Eddie can feel Steve grappling for words.

“I’m—I’m sorry, I probably left the place a mess,” Steve says quietly.

“No, not at—”

“And, um, if you’re using the dryer, you’ve gotta—I don’t know what I did, but it’s not broken-broken, you just need to really slam it, and then it should—”

“All right,” Joyce interrupts gently. “Steve, it’s—thank you for—”

“No, you don’t need to—the house is always open if the kids need it, they know where the spare key is.”

“Still, it’s—it’s really kind of you to…” Joyce trails off, and Eddie wonders what she’s thinking. What she’s noticed.

Please see him. Reach him.

“It’s good for the kids to have that space,” Joyce says. “They’ve really needed it.”

“And they’re, um.” Steve’s voice wavers. “They’re all okay?”

“Oh, honey. Yeah, they’re all just fine, they can’t wait for you to—”

“I just—” Steve breathes in and out shakily. When he speaks again, his voice starts to rise in pitch, fighting tears. “I just needed them to be okay.”

Quick footsteps. Steve makes a small, desperate kind of gasp. Eddie does not need to see to know that Joyce is holding him.

“Everyone’s okay. You—you did so well, you kept them all safe.” She sighs. “Oh, sweetie, you’ve been so brave.”

And Steve quietly falls apart.

-

When Joyce leaves, she sweeps Eddie up in a brief, strong hug, almost lifting him right out of the chair. It reminds him a little of Nancy.

“They think I can leave in a couple of days,” Steve tells him. The only giveaway of earlier on is the blotches around his eyes—now he seems to breathe a little easier.

Eddie hopes that whatever strings Joyce and Hopper have pulled, it warrants Steve being given much more than half a fucking page.

“Tomorrow, could you, um—like, would you mind just picking up some clothes from mine? Just wanna look, uh, as normal as—”

“Normal? Think that ship sailed a long time ago, Harrington.”

Steve scoffs through a laugh. “You just don’t appreciate art when you see it.”

“Want me to iron the polos, too?”

“Now let’s not go crazy,” Steve says, smile broadening.

And it’s only when he goes to sprawl on the couch again that Eddie notices it’s pressed up against Steve’s bed once more—that Steve, at some point, must have asked for it to be moved back.

[gaycragula]

Price x male reader, they're married and the reader was also in the military, but due to injuries isn't anymore. And lettuce just coming home and giving his husband a massage cuz he knows his husband is hurting and the only way to relief the pain is through massages

Massages

Pairing: Captain John Price x Male Reader Warnings: Nudity though there's nothing descript Word Count: 791 Masterlist

You’d been soaking in the bathtub for a little over half an hour. Your house had been almost silent, save for the crickets chirping outside. So, when you heard your home alarm go off, your immediate thought was Oh shit, someone’s in the house. Did I forget to lock the door? You moved to get out of the tub before your husband’s voice cut through the silence of the house. “Love? I’m home.”

Price was home  a couple days early. You called back out to him where you were, relaxing back in the tub with a low, relieved sigh. Soaking in warm water seemed to help soothe the ache in your muscles. Unfortunately, however, it did nothing to help the cramps and overwhelming pain you got in your shoulders since the injury that got you discharged from the military. The seemingly constant pain that only either dulled or got worse, never went away. And, today seemed to be one of your worst days.

The only thing that ever seemed to help were massages, specifically Price’s. He had given you one while he was home once and you had never felt better. When he left, you went out to get a professional one done. It didn’t feel the same as Price’s and ended up making you hurt more than if you hadn’t gone and you almost would’ve called yourself disappointed.. 

The bathroom door opened to reveal your husband. “Welcome home, John,” you smile, leaning back in the tub to look at him. “I’m sorry I don’t have anything done. I wasn’t expecting you home so soon.” 

Price stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him, and started stripping. “No need to apologize, love,” he hums, setting his clothing in a neat pile next to the door. He ran a hand through your hair and you sat up to let him slip in behind you. “How’re your shoulders doin’ tonight?” He asks, running his hands over the skin.

“One of my bad days,” you hum, leaning back against the man with a quiet breath. His fingers danced over the skin of your shoulders before he gently nudged you forward.

“Massage?” He offers, pressing a kiss to the back of your neck. You hummed, nodding as you sat up in a comfortable position. Price moved to the edges of the bath behind you so he was sitting above you, making it a little less awkward to give the massage.

 His hands first ran over the skin of your shoulder blades before his thumbs pressed into the divots of skin between your blade and your spine. You let out a relieved breath with the movement and Price could feel your muscles relax under his fingers. His thumbs moved up to your collarbone and up the back of your neck before they trailed back down and repeated the motion. 

With every draw of the motion, the pain in your shoulders dulled and you let out short breaths and sighs. His fingers brushed just under your shoulder blades before they flattened out over the broad bone and his palm applied pressure against it as he slowly rubbed over the bone. 

His hands worked magic into your skin and muscle, dulling your pain almost to the point where you couldn’t feel it. They worked your knots gone, your cramps dulled, and they sent shivers down your spine when he fingered over your spine. You let out a sigh when Price removed his hands and slipped back in behind you. 

“Thank you, captain,” you whisper with a smile, leaning back into him. “Feels much better.”

Price chuckled quietly, wrapping his arms around you as he pressed a kiss to your cheek. “Anythin’ for you, love. I hate seein’ you in pain.”

You laughed quietly, holding his head down so you could return the kiss. “What brought you home so early?”

“Is it a sin to want to see my husband?” Price scoffs lightheartedly, nuzzling his beard against your cheek which brought another laugh from you. “Just wanted to see you. It felt like I’d been away too long, missed you,” he hums, tracing his fingers down your arm. “I love you.”

You felt yourself flush and shift against Price. He had always been straightforward and it always affected you the same way. “I love you too, John,” you murmur back, just loud enough for Price to hear. He pulled you back against him, pressed a kiss to your neck, and you felt his lips curl into a smile against your neck. 

You wouldn’t trade your time with Price for anything, no matter how spread apart it is. Every second spent with the man brought you an overwhelming amount of joy and you hoped, knew, he felt the same. 

[treedaddymcpuffpuff]

Beneath Miles of Stone - Part seven - John Wick x Plus Size Fem Reader

Summary: John has been in prison for nine months. He’s content to stay if it means appeasing the high table and keeping peace between the owners of each continental. However, he meets someone who erases that willingness. Peace be dammed.

TW: blood ; PTSD

It was a prison riot that started in the upper levels and trickled down into the infirmary.  That makes sense, because the closer they got to freedom the more chaotic everything became.

The police officers that talk to her in the ER ask a million questions and she mostly lies to keep John’s name out of her mouth. It’s easy to say that she can’t remember most of it, because her brain is expert at blocking out trauma. She thanks her less than ideal upbringing for that. Truth is, that long term memory loss isn’t really working for the short-term and she remembers everything.

The story is that she was close to the exit, got jumped by some inmates, and managed to get away and out of the doors with guard keys. No, she didn’t see anyone else escape or remember faces or name badges.

They press her until her nurse, a pretty woman named Karen, comes in and puts a stop to it.

Badass Nurse Karen, who tells the police officers: “She already told you everything, and she needs to rest now.”

They leave begrudgingly after that.

“You alright honey?” Karen asks.

She nods, wipes tears from her eyes, wills herself to be just a little tougher in front of her own kind.

The doctor says her X-rays look good, but she may have a few aches and pains over the next few days as her bruising heals up. He prescribes her Toradol to help, but she doesn’t bother picking it up from the pharmacy.

There are more important things on her mind, like who the hell is John Wick and why did he allow her to live?

She Googles his name on her phone while she sits in the hospital bed and comes up blank except for a few pictures and articles on well known businessmen that look nothing like him.

Her second problem should probably be her first, but John sticks to her mind like a glue trap and she can’t stop thinking about him no matter how much she tries.

Will power has never been a strong suit.

The second problem is if she still has a job or not. Will they shut the prison down or keep it open? Does she want to go back after today? Are there any other jobs that pay as well within walking distance? If not, how much time will she need to save up for a down payment on a car?

Her phone rings. She answers blindly.

Michael is on the other end, sounding panicky. “Are you okay? I just got home and the news says there was a riot at your job? Please tell me you’re not dead.”

“I’m okay, Michael. I got out and I’m at the emergency room right now.”

“Oh my god,” Michael groans, “what happened to you?”

She feeds him the same bullshit story she gave to the cops, but, unlike them, Michael accepts and trusts her word. That makes her feel insanely guilty. “I’m alright,” she assures, “just bruised.”

“When are you coming home?” He asks. “I’m gonna make you some tea and whiskey.”

God, what did she ever do to deserve him?

“Thank you, Michael, but you really don’t have to, I’m-“

“Hush!” He commands. “Text me when you’re headed back, and I’ll put the kettle on.”

She rubs her temples. “Thank you Michael, you’re an angel sent from Heaven.”

“Uh, babe, duh, where else do angels come from?” He teases.

Fallen angels. From hell. Here to make her terrified of and pining for them. One in particular comes to mind—

“I’m serious,” Michael interjects on her monologue. “Text me when you’re coming home. Take a taxi and if you don’t have the money I’ll pay for it.”

She agrees and hangs up just as Karen walks in with her discharge paperwork.

Michael grabs her to examine the damage, but quickly thinks better of it once he notices what she’s covered in. “Jesus,” he says, “they beat the fuck out of you.”

“You should see the other guys,” she jokes, not an ounce of humor in her voice.

He looks at her with a skeptical eyebrow raised before ushering her in.

Before anything, she has to take a shower and throw her scrubs in the laundry basket. Better yet, she throws them away. The steaming water does nothing to cleanse her worries or guilt.

She walks out in pajamas, wet hair pulled back off her face, to sit at the table. Two steaming mugs of bitter smelling tea await her.

She takes a scolding sip. “This is delicious.” And she means that. The warm liquid melts her insides into a fuzzy pleasant feeling, and she can’t even taste her least favorite alcohol in the sugary mixture. While the shower didn’t help her anxiety, this concoction just might if she drinks enough of it.

Michael blows on his. “Thank you, but I need to ask you something.”

“What?”

“Who is John?”

She tries to act normal but her whole body breaks out into a freezing sweat. She takes another drink of her tea to hide her face. “What?” She says, swallowing hot liquid and nervous pitch.

He smiles. “You’ve been saying his name in your sleep. I assume he’s a crush, because usually at the boyfriend stage you’ve already got a taste so you don’t have to fantasize as much. At least that’s how it is for me.”

The horrified look on her face makes him scramble to reassure her that he doesn’t think she’s a creep, although in saying so it just makes her feel like he absolutely does.

He groans. “I’m sorry, I just thought I could take your mind off of today. Please don’t hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, Michael. Please tell me you don’t hate me.”

He scoffs. “For what? Dreaming about a guy? Babe, I’ve been there more times than I can count. Now, tell me about mystery man…If you’re comfortable.”

She rubs the side of her neck, embarrassed and staring at the golden top of the table instead of at Michael.

She opens her mouth, then closes it again.

“He’s tall.” Is what she decides on.

Michael deadpans. “Tall?”

“Black hair,” she adds.

“Dark,” he corrects. “Handsome…?”

She nods. “I mean, yeah.”

“What’s he like?”

She tries to think of a good, all encompassing word to describe him. She thinks about him twisting heads off spines like popping daisies. “Intense,” she decides.

“Ugh,” Michael whines, “you have to give me more than this. You’re killing me.”

“He is Russian.” She regrets saying that, not knowing if it’s too much info.

“So you met him online?”

“Yes.” Thank God he gives her that out.

“Ohhh,” Michael grins. “I’ll wanna see a picture.”

“He’s very private.”

Michael sighs. “Fine. But just promise me you won’t meet up with him alone. He could be a serial killer.”

She almost laughs at that, the irony filling her with crazed hilarity.

“Is he outgoing? Funny? Cocky?” Michael asks.

“Just intense Michael. I’m really sorry, it’s been such a…”

“No, you’re right,” Michael nods. “Let’s talk about something else.”

She can tell that there’s a lot he’s not asking right now. For her benefit. Leaving him in the dark makes her feel bad, though, because he’s such an open book. She decides to divulge a bit more info that she thinks he will want to hear.

“He has nice hands,” she says, gulping down tea and then refilling her cup with mostly whiskey. “They’re big. Long fingers. Veins that you could hit with a needle with your eyes closed.”

Michael leans in, eyes lighting. “Nice forearms?”

“Seem to be,” she confirms. “Lean, muscle-y but not too much. His upper arms are a bit more solid.”

Michael giggles like a school girl, cheeks pinking. “My god,” he says, “could he bench press us?”

She remembers him scooping her up off the ground, manhandling her, protecting her. “Yes.”

Michael squeals. He finally chugs his tea and smacks wet lips together. “What a man. So what’s the hold up? Marry him.”

They drink another cup of tea, watch late night Roseanne re-runs, and then go to bed. Michael has to be at class in the morning and then he wants her to come with him to the club. She would refuse, but it would be a dick move considering all he’s done for her.

When she wakes up, she spends grueling hours trying to call HR and searching for new jobs online. She applies for a few: Clinical Specialist for a local pharmacy, home health nurse for an elderly couple that live on her block, IV infusion nurse.

HR calls her in the middle of cooking breakfast and she answers with toast stuffed in her mouth. They tell her that she can come back to work but will have to deal with renovations and a new infirmary location with limited equipment. She agrees, of course, eager to have a job back so soon as next week.

[pineapplerightsideupcake]

how do you as a bisexual come to terms with the fact that the trans community has literally made homophobia much worse. ppl are proudly being openly homophobic and when you dig deeper it’s actually the “queers” and transgenders who think kids can transition who they have a problem with (not all of course but a good chunk) I believe ppl who wouldn’t otherwise be homophobic are being homophobic bc of the trans community. I use to really struggle w internalized homophobia, and still do, it was only this past year where I came to terms w it and told my sister/close friends. I wish it could be just a normal thing to be gay and you’d be left alone, I believe we were on a trajectory for that. But now things have gotten worse, and thanks to the gender nonsense, openly bigoted ppl (especially religious) are being praised and promoted. All this bc of trans activism. I don’t even care anymore about what they do to themselves, but the damage they’ve done to actual gay ppl is insane and we’re already facing the backlash. I’m not sure if we’ll ever live in a world where being lgb isn’t a big deal.

Honestly? I think the benefit of pushing 40 is that I have a wider lens through which to view activism. And I feel the same way about LGB rights as I do about women’s rights.

Which is to say, every time a big gain is won, there is backlash. There are parts of society that get worse as the culture tries desperately to adjust around the new changes.

Men today are more porn sick and sexually aggressive than 20 years ago. In some ways. People are polling less positively about the LGTBQI+ but how much of that backlash is really directed at the LGB? Are polling groups even bothering to distinguish between LGB and “queer” people?

Let me tell you what life was like as a bisexual teen in 2003. Let’s go back 20 years and I can tell you the world has changed so much for the better. 20 years ago gay rights activists started really making headway towards civil rights guarantees. Suddenly middle Americans had to confront that gay people were among them and not just haunting bars and bathhouses. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such rigid gender norm adherence as I did back then. Men couldn’t wear pastels or purple or pink. Guys got called gay for having a messenger bag. There is an entire episode of “Friends” about it. Sussing out the Gays Among Us became obsessive. Emo culture was a direct response to how frantic straight people were to appear duly heterosexual. TV shows still depicted us as degenerate freaks if they depicted us at all. A few HBO shows that were soft core porn more than anything and Will and Grace was all anybody had. Shows like Xena and Buffy got away with lesbians because men said out loud that hot women kissing was fine. These were the early days of straight men having open lesbian fetishizes. We couldn’t get married. We could get fired for being gay.

For women there was no movement to normalize our natural bodies. I’d spend hours shaving myself smooth. Not wearing makeup was unheard of. Cellulite wasn’t even a word I knew let alone knew was normal. There weren’t a million online resources teaching women that vaginal discharge is normal and I grew up thinking (as did many others) that it was a private shame.

And as far as MeToo stuff? It’s easy to feel defeated in the moment but nobody was using the word ‘consent’ in my day. Men getting women drunk was a joke. Men pushing for sex was a joke. Men calling a woman that had one too many dates or boyfriends a slut was normal. Three of my male friends pinned me down on several occasions and took turns rubbing their dicks on me to completion.

The therapist I told said I “needed to work on my boundaries”. The word rape never even entered my mind. Rape was something a stranger with a knife did. It wasn’t something your best friends did to you and then laughed about. It isn’t something you submitted to because fawn and freeze are real fear responses. No one told me my friend forcing my hand down his pants was abuse because I continued to go over his house, didn’t I? No one told me about red flags or cycles of abuse.

And the older women you told rolled their eyes. What I endured was so mild compared to many other women. Men forcing themselves onto women was just normal.

I can’t tell you what it means to me to see so many young women calling it out. Refusing to stay in a bad situation. Refusing to date entirely sometimes. Women sharing red flags and advice to stay not just safe but thriving.

Don’t get me wrong- the current gender movement is regressive and dangerous. I’m not saying it’ll all work itself out. Activism is constant work but things ARE getting better. They really are, even if sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. 💜

[jimiminily]

Happy 11th anniversary BTS 💜💫

Congratulations on reaching 11 years together 🥹🫶

06.13

(This pic was taken yesterday at Jin's discharge day♡)

Today's festa was so fun with Jin, I'm thankful that he made it possible even tho he got discharged just yesterday! 🥰

Jin is finally here I'm so happy 🥹💫 I love him smmmm such a precious person

I wish the rest of BTS so much succes, healthiness and happiness in your military journey, let's see each other next festa 😌

(Getting kinda emotional rn)

But hobi is coming this 17th october 2024! 4 months left, I'm excited!! The rest

- Namjoon & Taehyung: 10th June 2025

- Jimin & Jungkook: 11th June 2025

- Yoongi: 21th June 2025

They're all coming in june festa 2025 🥰

I absolutely can't wait for the 2025 reunion! I wonder how everything's gonna be 😚

They're so hardworking, sometimes I wonder how they're still so humble ugh not me tearing up again 🫠 I love you so much BTS, became an ARMY in your 7th year (16 years old), and now today it is your 11th year, and I'm 19 🥰 I love growing up with bangtan and having them in my history/story

I love you all so much im gonna say this again but you really taught me love and warmth yall are so precious and adorable TT you're so wonderful there really is no other omg 🫠 NOT ME TEARING UP AGAIN WHILE WRITING😫 your lyrics really really comfort me

I'm never letting you go 😌🤍

I'm thankful to have such amazing artist, my 7, my bangtan

I always wish you eternal happines, healthiness and safety, live your life the way you want 💕

I'll always wait for you, support you and love you

My forever favorite artist, people, group, comfort, friends & home, BTS, lets go forever and together ☺️

Apobangpo 💜

___________________________________

📬Letter from jhope

[Translation]

🐿 "wow~~ it’s 613!! the year of 2024 613!!!~~~ it’s been 11 years since we’ve been together with our ARMY… wow!! the fun/interesting thing is is that our jin hyung’s discharge date was yesterday??!!! jealous!!!!!~~~ i’m the most jealous of him in the world~~!!!!!!! haha~^^ being half sincere and half joking, i wanted to feel a little less jealous <of his discharge> so i enlisted early!! hehe anyways that was too much of a personal story!! I can’t believe it’s already been 11 years since being with our army!!…. thank you for continuously liking and believing in me/us. all i have in mind right now is wanting to show you a better me a day quicker,,, heh because it’s today <festa> ,, i can more picture/draw <inside my head> me standing cooly on the stage in front of you all, you probably feel the same way too right?? i miss you!! and miss/long for you!! i love you ARMY!!!"

___________________________________

Letter from RM

🐨 "Hello.I’ll keep this simple, I miss you all so much and can’t wait to see you soon. There’s just a year to go until we will meet again. How did you like my RPWP album that was released last month? I hope you are all doing well. A year seems too long and it’ll take a lot of patience, but i’m trying to make the most out of the situation with my soulmate, the tenor saxophone.. I’ll perform Dynamite with it when we meet again. I hope everyone has a rejuvenating summer vacation. Being in a new environment brings a blood of new emotions It also makes me wonder how Jin must’ve felt when he was the first to be discharged from service. Congratulations, Jin, on all your hard work! Please convey our love to our fans. It must be hard doing all this alone. But don’t worry! Hoseok will join you soon! My love for you all remains unchanged. Our love will grow even stronger and more beautiful upon our return. Waiting is hard, but I believe there is a reason for this. And besides, it is not the end for us. This is only the first line of Act II. Although I miss everyone so much, I’ll try to hold up well. It’s been 11 years since we met, and there’s only one more year to wait.

ARMY!! Its been a long time since I’ve called for you aloud. It fills me up with emotions and reminds me of our history.

I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!"

___________________________________

Letter from SUGA

🐱 "Hello, ARMYs! I'm Suga! It's been a long time, right? It's been a long time for me to write a handwriting letter, so I feel kind of awkward. Hahaha I'm doing really well... I went to the training center and I'm living a busy life. ARMYs, are you doing well? haha

it’s the 613 that has come around again

as it comes around every year there’s been a lot of memories (attached to it)

it still doesn’t feel real that I won’t be able to see ARMY on this day but i think you’ll have so much fun while spending it with Seokjin hyung so my heart is a little more at ease!!

Our 613 festival, enjoy it thoroughly! i’m also holding onto solely the day that i’ll be able to see ARMY as soon as possible!

if you can please don’t get hurt please don’t get exhausted and i wish/hope that we can wait until the day that we meet again! i miss you ARMY!! let’s see each other in a bit bye~!!"

___________________________________

Letter from hobi

🐿 "Hello, ARMY! How are you doing?

I am currently a second-class sergeant as well as a squad leader. Only four months are left until I complete my military service. I’ve been spending the remaining time working out hard so I can lose some weight, and practicing English speaking… in my own way, at least.

I’m not sure if you will agree… but I think I’ve grown calmer and more mature.

I now feel like I true grown-up!!

Bwahaha!!<- Hmm… Or maybe not…

Anyway, time sure flies. It’s already June! Jin has joined us, which makes things all the merrier and makes it clear that it’s time for us to get closer to all of you.

Enough about me. Now I’d like to hear about you.

How have you been?

I hope you’re all in good health.

What are you into these days?

How are you doing without us?

What would you like to say when we meet again?

honestly did you cheat or not~?

did you carry sunjae on your back and run or not~?*

Now, be honest,were your hearts miles away like Lovely Runners?

It’s strange. Now that I’ve reached thirty, I have a ton of questions for you! ♡♡

But actually that just means I want to hear more from you and miss you so much! And we don’t have to wait much longer until that day comes…!!

I’m so excited…

Actually… A day seems like a year these days…

And I toss and turn at night… I try to stay patient, but it’s hard…

I’m unsure if my emotions can be fully conveyed in writing, but I sure hope my sincere feelings reach you well…! ♡♡

I miss you! ♡

I’m desperately looking forward to seeing you!! ♡

Take care, and enjoy June and the rest of the time until we meet again in October! ♡

See you then! ♡

I love you all! ♡♡

⁃Your hope -

___________________________________

Letter from Jimin

🐥 "To. ARMY

ARMYs, this is Jimin. It's been a long time since I said hello to you like this.. l'll just write down what I want to say! I really miss you all. It's not easy, really ㅎㅎㄱㄱㄱㄱ

Every day, I live imagining what it would be like to meet you all.

When we meet again, what hair color should we have? Your body will feel a little better by then, right? And how long should your hair be? What earrings should I wear when I go out? What clothes are you wearing? What should I sing? lf I lie down thinking about this, my heart is racing and I can't sleep. I wonder how overwhelming it must be

Are our ARMYs doing well? Are you eating well and doing some exercise? Of course you're not doing it, right? ㄱㄱㄱㄱㄱ ( You really should). Nothing much will happen, right? lf there is, I hope it won't be too difficult.

You should be happy, our ARMYs I want to make you happier, but it's a shame. Still, l'm doing well here, so don't worry too much.Jin- hyung, you'll be discharged soon! Please play with Jin- hyung first. Then, we will return to you one by one. Let's all meet up, hug each other, and play. I'l come back with another letter next time. I love you, Ami. How are you?" -JIMIN

___________________________________

Letter from V

🐻 "Army! I really miss you. Are you all doing well? I eat well, sleep well, train, and live a fairly healthy life. I am receiving good energy from my younger colleagues and senior classmates, and I am enjoying a variety of new experiences. I'm a little proud, but I also got first place.

I’m good at shooting too!! I received praise, and learned a lot from our warrior friends in judo and jiu-jitsu, and I just felt like I was born again!! The bodies of our warriors are, I am thankful that I can train with this person, and I am barely keeping up! It's a bit irritating, but I won't overdo it!!

I overcame my fear of heights. It wasn't a big deal. It was really scary, but I got over it in the end. It’s because I’m so excited. Will you understand?? These days, during my free time, I go alone to a corner and dance. Just in case, I try not to lose that memory little by little.

So, since I told you that I am doing well, ARMY is also saying that you will be doing well. I hope you are not sick and anxious (even if we don't tell each other because neither we nor ARMY have each other?) Don't worry and we will see you soon.

When we see our members and ARMY again like this, let’s pour out all our long-awaited emotions! I miss you so much, I love you so much, Apobangpo, Borahae, goodbye."

___________________________________

Letter from Jungkook

🐰 "Hello, this is Jungkook.

It's been a while since I wrote a handwritten letter, and my handwriting seems to have gotten worse. I'm sorry ㅋㅋ

everyone!! I'm doing well

There aren't any difficult parts, but I'm getting through it just thinking about the day I'll meet you all again, and sometimes there are fun moments that make me forget about how difficult it is ㅎㅎ

By the way, did you listen to the fan song “Never Let Go” released in June? Even when I was working on the song, I really wanted to release it as a fan song.

I hope my feelings were conveyed well.

Originally, I was going to show a performance as well, but unfortunately I couldn't do it because I didn't have enough time.

If I get the chance, I really want to show it on stage later (nothing ready yet).

But I really want to perform on stage.

I want to hear ARMY’s cheers quickly

I want to do great songs again

It was so cold and the hot summer hasn't even come yet, but I hope winter comes quickly...

Time is running out ㅠㅠ

I guess I miss you all so much.

If you enjoy it, I will be standing in front of you someday, right?

Ah ah ah..! Anyway, everyone!

Until the day we meet again, don't get sick and take care of your health! That way, you'll be happier when you meet, right?!

I miss you so much..

I love you so much!

But I really can’t write letters ㅋㅋ

I'm leaving now!! hi!!"

- jungkook -

___________________________________

Letter from Jin

🐹 "Hello, this is Jin.

I hope everyone is in good health. I'm reaching out to you for the first time in a while.

I'd like to be able to say hello more often, but unfortunately my situation hasn't allowed that.

I'm so excited that my discharge from military service is just around the corner haha.

I heard that my bandmates have been working hard to entertain you during my absence. How nice of them!

Now, it's my turn ARMY!

Although it won't be easy to do it alone, I will try my best.

I've been planning to entertain you for a year now and I will put all my plans into practice once I return to society.

I thank everyone for being with us for such a long time. I love you ARMY ♡

P.S: Keep up the hard work, boys!"

___________________________________

Their words are so sweet :') might have shed some tears, they really are precious souls 🤍 I really adore them

Today for festa we had

In-person Event with Jin

2024 FESTA

First Session: Jin’s Greetings

- The first session (Meet-and-Greet with Jin) is a time for light hugs with Jin per request from the artist, and is expected to last about three hours.

- If you win the raffle but do not wish for a hug, you can replace it with a handshake.

- Every precautionary measure will be put in place to ensure no unpleasant incidents occur during the event. We ask for your kind cooperation.

_________

Second Session: Message from Jin : June 13 2024,☀️

- The second session will last about one hour.

- Jin will showcase various performances that ARMY wish to see.

(BigHit tweets 👇)

[#2024BTSFESTA]

BTS 11th ANNIVERSARY 🎉

[#TodaysBangtan]

2024 June 13th’s Seokjin, Clear Skies☀️

armys, its nice to see see you again💜

#TodaysJin #BTS #방탄소년단

#2024BTSFESTA #BTS11thAnniversary

#/ReturnedBackHome (t/n: wordplay with 돌아왔지 (dolawa-ji) -> 돌아왔진 (dolawa-jin)

#/ARMYThankYouForWaiting

#/ThankYouForBeingTogetherOnOur11thAnniversaryToo🎉

He just posted on instagram too! ☺️💕💕

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jin of BTS (@jin)

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jin of BTS (@jin)

My love it's been so long TT I missed you, welcome back precious Jin 🤍💫

Happy 11 years bangtan💜

[dailyexo]

[INTERVIEW] Baekhyun - 230223 W Korea: “Days With Baekhyun”

Returning after two years, Baekhyun used the word “comfort” often.

Baekhyun’s only wish is to sing heart-felt, timeless songs for us. Baekhyun talked about the days spent with us and the days ahead of us.

How many days has it been since you were discharged from the military?

Today is precisely the third day since I’ve been out.

You have finally gifted flower shoes to the fans. (‘Giving flower shoes’ is a Korean phrase that means returning to the significant other who had been waiting for their partner to return from military service.)

I know. Before I left for the military, I told the fans that many things could change in a year and nine months. How could I make them wait? I told them to focus on their own lives but come back if they feel like it when I return. I said, if anything, I would try to win them back again.

So, you recently did a live show to celebrate discharge. Seeing you’re still as bright and youthful, fans recalled the time you promoted your second solo mini-album, “Delight,” released three years ago.

Honestly, I was super worried. But I was relieved to see their warm reactions. I’m grateful to my parents. Haha.

You talked about your time in the army during the live show.

Most of my training campmates were born after 1999, except for a few. I was the eldest there. Everyone followed me like their older brother. I still keep in touch with the friends I met then. Recently, I got a call from one of them. He said, “I am working out at the gym right now.” He was a skinny one, and every single day at the training camp, I told him to work out.

Baekhyun, as we know, was the life of the party among the EXO and SuperM members. Your bubbly personality would have shined in the army training camp.

There was no exception. I didn’t let anyone fall behind. Whenever I saw someone wanting to give up, I said, “You can’t lose to things like this,” “If you keep giving up, this becomes your habit,” and, “Real life outside is much harder than this.” I don’t let my friends give up or fall behind. I pull them together.

I presume the past two years have been a time to realize and reassess who Byun Baek Hyun really is as a person, not just Beakhyun from EXO.

Yeah. My MBTI changed during the break from ISFP to ESTJ. I’ve been known as a homebody for a long time among my friends. But I’m actually an extrovert and a very active person. But when I look back on my childhood, I barely had time to spend at home. To the point where my mother always said, “How come I see my son only for breakfast?” I felt like I went back to my real self during the break.

Was it also a time to realize again what your fans mean to you?

Of course. I still have a long way to go to learn about the fans thoroughly. There’s something I learned this time, though. The fact that our existence to each other is a lot bigger than what we think. During the first year of my alternative military service, I looked back a lot. I watched a lot of the past concert videos. At concerts, I had a lot of fun with them. There were times when I saw my facial expression on the stage and thought I really did bust my butt to pull everything. Also, sometimes I felt really empty and felt this unfillable void. At one point, I thought, “Will they still be there?” while listening to the cheers of fans in those videos. They are like a really good teacher who would grade me and encourage me. They inspire me to do my homework. They have had me run, take lessons and become a better person. I want to do well to hear their acknowledgment. If they didn’t exist, I probably would not have tried so hard to come this far.

Your Namu-wiki page has a “Fan Love” section. As we read through the things you’ve said to the fans, we thought even a real boyfriend couldn’t say such sweet things.

Haha. Definitely my mom’s influence there. She speaks so gently. She is the sweetest person, really. And I am the youngest in the family. My family poured sweet love on me. Sometimes, fans ask me how I can speak so nicely. To be honest, I don’t know. I feel it’s nothing special, to me, a very ordinary and everyday thing.

It seems like fans could rarely feel the army break. You filmed 20 pieces of YouTube content ahead of time and released them during the break.

I know how hard it is to wait. Even when we did the EXO concert tour, we couldn’t release an album during that time. So it had been a long-standing concern about how to fill the vacancy. In particular, no one was trying to do something special to fill the vacancy during the military break. At first, I thought about making a small game instead of a video. Like the Tamagotchi game, fans can foster ‘Baekhyun’ from level 1 for 641 days while I am away. Feed him, water him. Haha.

The background in planning the pre-created YouTube Content was to give fans something to calm their longings, but also in some parts, wishing your fans would not forget you by watching these videos, right?

Yeah, that is pretty much it. Actually, I was swamped when we were filming the YouTube videos. I had a hectic schedule. It was just around when my third solo mini album Bambi came out, and on top of that, SuperM’s promotion overlapped. But after filming them, I felt so indescribably proud.

The 2021 album Bambi leaves much to be desired in some ways because it had no official activities due to your military service. Nonetheless, it recorded high sales, enough to bring the double million-seller title. It was also the album released in the year of your 30th birthday, showcasing your finest skills as a vocalist.

Bambi was created strictly with my own needs and vision. I tried everything I wanted to do without looking at anyone, and I wanted to free my mind by doing so. You are right. I put in everything I could as a vocalist. I first rearranged my vocal tone around the time of my first solo mini-album City Lights in 2019, and I wanted to see how much I had grown since then. I became very dedicated because I thought I could make a better sound than two years ago. I tried the vocal ranges that I wouldn’t have chosen in the past because I was too nervous. I purposely chose difficult music because I wanted to experience both failures and trials.

In particular, the title song "Bambi" seems to have been a regular song for the music school entrance exam that year. It’s perfect for showing off your vocal skills going back and forth freely with your falsetto, modal, and head voice.

Well, I don’t really recommend it. It’s a high-risk song, the beat and rhythm are tough. It’s a pretty challenging song to sing well.

With the release of Bambi, Baekhyun’s genre and brand have become more apparent. "Baekhyun" reminds us of groovy R&B beats from "UN Village" in the album City Lights and "Candy" in Delight.

R&B is a genre that I’ve been attached to for a long time, so I’ll continue with it. However, I also want new challenges. I want to try this and that without being too picky. I want to be an all-rounder. I’m interested in singing-rap these days.

Which musician are you paying attention to as a reference these days?

I’ve gotten closer to Colde recently. I like his singing style, and it’s fabulous that he pulls off the melody rhythmically as if he’s rapping. I’ve requested songs from Colde. I don’t know what kind of work will come out yet, but we’ll work together soon.

As a musician, there’s no more valuable experience than getting a “response” to your song. All three solo albums released so far have recorded respectable sales. Did you expect such success?

Not at all. It exceeded my expectations. This record was possible thanks to the efforts of many K-pop singers ahead of me. In particular, the sales volume of the second album was the highest in 20 years of Korean pop music history.

Delight became the first solo album to achieve the million-seller title, and you became the second artist to hold such titles for both the group and solo albums, following after Seo Tai-ji.

Yes, but it’s all thanks to the dedication of so many Korean musicians. As K-pop became more known worldwide, more people started paying attention to K-culture. The Korean artists before me had already paved the roads and I just got to piggyback on them.

I don’t feel any guilt when I listen to your music. Maybe it’s a complete anachronism, but there’s still a certain prejudice regarding idol music. Similarly, some idol music is referred to as a ‘hidden masterpiece.’ But when I listen to Baekhyun’s solo music, I feel like I’m just listening to really good music.

Thanks. I indeed paid a lot of attention to that. I chose a lot of genres that wouldn’t come from SM. SM prefers strong and intense sounds, but I wanted to focus on easy-listening music. It was partly because of my preference and strategic choice to differentiate between EXO and solo activities. Seeing that many of the tracks from my solo albums are still receiving a ot of love, I think it was a good decision.

It is common to spot excessiveness in solo albums by Idol group members. It was rather unique that Baekhyun has an easy mood, as you’ve just said.

I pushed for that. I kept thinking, ‘I’ll make more easy-listening music,’ ‘The music should not change in the middle,’ and ‘The melody should flow as expected.’ I wanted to minimize statement sounds and focus on the lyrics. There was even some feedback from the company that it fell short. But I kept pushing. My motto was to do something that sounds easy to people’s ears, like passive music, even if it may not feel ‘sophisticated or innovative’ for some.

What you just said seems connected to the question of, ‘what is good music to me as a musician?’

Probably. In a way, I’m making music that’s pleasant to listen to. But I don’t usually listen to a lot of music. My ears are so tired. Since I’m a singer, I need to know a lot of songs, but when I find one I like, I listen to it over and over. There’s something in common when I look at the songs I’m hooked on. It’s not too much, and it just has one or two significant factors.

For example?

I especially like old-fashioned pop songs. Fibo Bryson’s "Why Goodbye" is also a song that I love, for example. If you listen to it, there’s a particular section once in the bridge, once in the chorus, and once in the verse. You can listen to it comfortably, and the sound is completely filled with only vocals.

What is the vocal tone you pursue?

If I could have a voice that doesn’t go out of date, I couldn’t ask for more.

It’s also the most challenging thing.

I know. I once imagined, “Will Baekhyun’s episode of ‘Hidden Singer’ come out?” I don’t think so. Because my voice doesn’t have a distinctive feature. But it’s definitely a voice that can give you some comfort. A good tone depends on the time and taste. It’s something that keeps moving without being fixed. So I just want my voice to be peaceful and stable. I hope I can make the sound warm enough to relax your body. That’s all I want.

It’s been 11 years since your debut, and you’re still taking vocal lessons every week, right?

Yes. I have a big desire to evolve. I thought about it when EXO received a lot of attention with Growl in 2013. ‘Why are so many people going crazy? Am I really that good? I don’t think so. If the heat goes away, they will see me.’ That’s why I kept trying. I always criticize myself more than others do. It’s not a matter of high self-esteem and low self-esteem. I’m just continuing to make up for my shortcomings because I know my weaknesses better than anyone else.

To me, Baekhyun is not a person with low self-esteem but one who constantly and carefully self-censors himself.

Yes, that’s right. Maybe I am a perfectionist, and I hate it when there’s no complete ending. If I don’t think I can finish something properly, I don’t even start. I tend to get extremely disappointed with myself if I don’t do something perfectly at work.

A perfectionist who pursues easiness… It sounds hard. Haha

Haha. As a musician, I want to be an easy person who can blend in with the public. I don’t want to be a musician who is so cool that people admire and want to follow. I want to be someone people can talk to easily when they meet me on the street while listening to my song.

The only regret for Baekhyun as a solo musician is that he had little opportunity to tell autobiographical stories in music. What kind of stories do you want to tell through your music as 32-year-old Baekhyun?

I want to deliver encouraging lyrics. And deliver the message that you shouldn’t give up easily and try to face more challenges. I think the disappearance of the “Jeong” culture played a role in making people get easily tired these days. In the past, when a neighbor moved in, we used to make steamed rice cakes. If the next door neighbor cooks a lot of food, they would share it with others. But living in a disconnected world without affection, people seem to think only of themselves. I want to put a hopeful message in my song that we can all unite in harmony again.

It’s been two years since W Magazine and Baekhyun met—, since the cover of the March 2021 issue, right? Throughout today’s shoot, the staff said you were sexy. Baekhyun’s “soft sexiness” that you’ve shown in your solo career seems to be reflected in today’s shoot.

Sexy… Haha. I don’t think the sexiness that I have is the sexiness that’s full of intense emotions. It’s more like this. Sometimes you play with your friends, and you feel unexpectedly sexy. I think I have the sexiness to make people a little curious about me. Haha

Today’s shoot was with Cartier’s Tank Frances Watch and Icon Collection. These are pieces that have been called Wannabe by many artists for their timeless classic aesthetic. Regardless of timea and nationality, who is the greatest artist for Baekhyun?

Michael Jackson! Michael Jackson was the only artist who stood still on stage for a few seconds or minutes and people couldn’t stop cheering. His songs have made many people cry for a long time, giving them joy and happiness. So just seeing him standing still on the stage makes them tear up. There isn’t an artist who can beat Michael Jackson.

Still, what would be your secret weapon that you could win over Michael Jackson?

Hmm… My gentle way of talking? Haha.

EXO recently announced the news of EXO’s 11th-anniversary fan meeting. What would it look like if you were to compare EXO to family?

Children who were raised by a strict father but had an infinitely sweet mother? Maybe the stage is our dad. We work hard on stage until it feels like our bodies would break literally. But when we get off stage, we act like kids. Not one friend is rude, and everyone is so kind. When we talk to each other, there’s no difference from when we debuted 11 years ago or when we were trainees.

What are the three things Baekhyun is focusing on these days?

I’m into golf. Out on the golf field, my arms got so tanned, dark enough to leave a watch mark on my wrist. I feel very relieved when I go rounding and see the open space. The second one is the direction of the vocals. And for the third, I was going to say exercise but I’m going to change that. (Kim) Jong-kook, whom I became close with through workouts, said, “It’s time for you to focus on your back.” But hip workouts are too hard. Haha. The last one is EXO’s comeback. We will return as soon as possible with a high-quality album this year.

Photo links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23

Credit: W Korea.

[smashing-teacups]

A Breath of Snow and Christmas

Summary:

It is Christmas Eve, and Dr. Claire Beauchamp's third week on the pediatric rotation at Boston Children's Hospital.

One of her patients is a very special four-year-old named Claudel.

And his favorite nurse, Jamie, is intent upon making Christmas magical for the little lad.

A three part modern AU Outlander Christmas series.

“And last but certainly not least,” said Dr. Hildegarde over the flutter of shuffling notes, “we have our friend Claudel—”

A high-pitched squeal of laughter cut her off, and a dozen pairs of smiling eyes glanced up to watch the friend in question whirl like a tornado around a large redheaded man.

“Who is that? Who goes there?!”

The little boy let out another shriek of delight as the man’s booming voice added, with exaggerated indignation, “Heyyy, where did my— who stole my phone?! I ken I had it in my pocket jes’ a second ago!”  

With a fond shake of her head, our attending looked back down at her clipboard. “Four-year-old male, admitted with cystic fibrosis exacerbation. Go ahead, Dr. Beauchamp.”

Lips still twitching with amusement, I cleared my throat. “Right, Claudel LaRue, direct admit from home for pseudomonas flare. Got his PICC line on the 16th, we are on day”—a pause to check my notes—“eight of zosyn and tobramycin, and as you can see, he appears to be feeling much better.” A collective chuckle rose from our team as the child bounded onto his hospital bed and began an enthusiastic victory dance, waving the stolen phone over his head.

“G-tube feeds going well?” my attending prompted. “How are we doing on hydration?

“Better,” I confirmed. “He actually surpassed his fluid goal yesterday, and his weight is up by half a kilo since admission.”

Dr. Hildegarde nodded, making a few notes on her paper. “Any word from foster mom?”

My face fell. “The nurses say she calls every few days to check in, but they haven’t heard from her since Monday.”

A humming, noncommittal noise, another mark on her paper. “Par for the course with this one. Be sure she knows he’s being discharged on the 30th. Last time, she forgot to come pick him up.” With a sigh, she clipped her pen to the top of the chart and tucked the file beneath her arm. “No changes to his orders, then?”

“No, nothing for today.”

“Very good. That’s it for the morning, then, everyone. Have a safe holiday, and stay warm out there. Call if you need me, Claire.”

I gave a small salute, exchanging goodbyes and Merry-Christmases with the other members of my team as they dispersed posthaste, eager to get home to their families. As the last of the clacking heels and Oxfords disappeared around the corner, little Claudel let out another squeal, smoothing over the needleprick of jealousy in my heart.

Drawn to the sounds of joy, I sauntered to the open door and leaned against its frame, watching with tender amusement as the Scotsman spun in circles, making a show of trying to find the thief who had stolen his phone. I’d only been on the pediatrics rotation for three weeks, but I recognized him as one of the nurses on the unit; at well over six feet tall, with a mop of russet curls and an unmistakable brogue, he was difficult to miss. His name started with a J, I thought — Jeremy? Jason?...

“Ah, Dr. Beauchamp!” he exclaimed as I rapped my knuckles on the doorjamb. “Thank goodness ye’re here.”  

At once mildly (pleasantly) surprised that he knew my name and a bit ashamed that I couldn’t reciprocate, I tried to cover the deficit with a chuckle. “Having a bit of trouble in here?”

“He can’t see me!” Claudel crowed, blue eyes sparkling. “I’m inbisible!”

Catching on to the game, I gasped, jumping back. “Who said that?!”

The little boy howled with delight, flinging himself onto the bed and kicking his legs up in the air. I exchanged warm glances with the Scotsman — Christ, what was his name? — who blinked both eyes at me in a quick, owl-like movement that I only realized belatedly was meant to be a wink.

“He looks so much better,” I remarked, leaning in toward him to speak sotto vocce.

“Aye,” the man agreed just as softly, both of our eyes locked on the boy. “Really turned a corner in the last couple’ve days.”

“Did he get his breathing treatment already this morning?”

“No’ sure.” At my inquisitive look, he smiled a bit bashfully. “I’m, ah… I’m not actually his nurse today. Just here as a friend.” Keep reading...

[verilly]

U

Aki Hayakawa x Reader

•••|•••|•••|•••|•••

aliusworld’s songfic event— inspo: MANNEQUIN album (Deco*27)

Description: “My booming heart is heating, killing me.”, “With you my world is now breaking through.”, & “You’re my receiver.”

Warnings: Mentions of self harm, self hate, K¥$-ing, major character death, borderline obsessive reader, suggestive(?), and well… angst.

{5261 words}

•••|•••|•••|•••|•••

[1]

‘Dear Aki,

I don’t really plan on giving you these letters at all, well… maybe you’ll just find it or something! I’d rather die than tell you how I feel.

I’ve been told to write these by a few friends to get a few things off my chest. Like a diary? Except they’re all aimed towards you! Because you’re the person I care the most about.

After we met, my life has gotten a little bit more bright. When I heard you got hurt during the whole Gun Attack I wanted to die. Because without you, I would be nothing. I really like you, how can I express that to you without exactly saying it?

I don’t know yet. But I’ll figure it out! I always do. So, I wonder if you like me?’

-

The note was nothing special, only something to express your surface level feelings. You folded it nicely and shoved it into a drawer. You felt a little better, you were lying in that note.

If you really were scared that Aki were to die, you would have visited him. Yet you didn’t. You did see him the moment he was discharged, but it was only out of sheer luck. You just happened to pass him, you bowed your head and made your way around him. You didn’t wait long enough to see if he reciprocated your act.

Maybe you should’ve.

-

[3]

‘Dear Aki,

You talked to me first today! That was so nice… you smelt like cigarettes, which is gross, but that’s okay. It’s you. Everyone has their flaws, but if the majority of people think it’s perfectly fine, then so should I.

This sounds bad, but I don’t really remember what we were talking about. Maybe it was about devils? Or— was I supposed to be doing something? Maybe you were scolding me, I guess it just slipped my mind after you left, sorry about that.

But we went out to lunch together! I thought it was really fun, we talked a bunch! And this time, it wasn’t even all about work, some personal stuff too… I’m sure it’s because Aki just lost Himeno. I don’t want to be her replacement, but if he wants me to be something like that, I’ll change.

You make my heart beat so fast… what am I supposed to do? I feel like if I’m away from you for too long my heart will stop beating completely! Is that bad? Maybe I should distance myself from you just to make sure I’m not driving you away.

Everyday, whenever I see you, my smile gets a tad bit wider. I hope you notice it. Unless you find it creepy or weird, then please don’t notice it.

I wonder if you feel the same.’

-

Aki was the one who started the conversation that time. There was no one else in the room but you two.

“[name]?” It was Aki’s voice, he’s so soothing…

“Mm, yeah?” Your voice cracked, you ‘mentally’ punched yourself by grabbing your arm quickly and digging your nails into your skin, this was the first time you talked to him in ages! How could your body betray you like that?

“I’ve noticed you’ve been staring at me, did I do something to upset you?” His words hit you like a truck. He has never done anything to make you upset, why is he thinking like that? We’re you staring too much? It was supposed to be a secret! Then again, you were never good at being ‘sneaky’.

“W-what?! No way, y-you haven’t done anything like that at all!” Your stutter. You hated it, but you had to say something, or else me might think you’re crazy or ignoring him! “I’m sorry that I’ve been staring. I really didn’t mean to…” you lied through your teeth, but Aki didn’t need to know that.

“Oh, you don’t need to be sorry. I was just wondering, that’s all.” The room went quiet after that. It was an awkward silence, even the position was awkward. You were sitting on a lounge chair while Aki was standing, looking down at you. “Hey, why don’t we go somewhere to eat? You’ve been working here long enough and I don’t think we’ve talked too often.”

Lunch with Aki? Hell yes!

-

[8]

‘Dear Aki,

My expectations have been blown. We’re buddies now, who would’ve guessed that? Considering my luck, I never thought that I would hit the jackpot like this! I’ve always wished it happened, I guess there is some sort of god up there.

There’s a lot of these letters too, so to commemorate my success I bought a box to keep the letters in! It’s a baby blue color, I drew small designs on the edge to make it look prettier too. I’ll keep it under my bed. Hopefully it won’t pick up any dust!

Our first patrol together was very tame compared to the other ones I’ve been on. No fiend yelling in my ear, the area was full of other humans, and you were on my right! I don’t know if you meant to do it, but you were walking closer to the road, making me farther from it. You’re kind even if you don’t mean it. I appreciate that.

Some of these letters are really embarrassing, I really hope you actually never find any of these. I’d melt into a puddle on the floor, I think I’d even quit my job. But you’ll never find these! I’ll make sure of it!’

-

[11]

‘Dear Aki,

Today was really scary. You took a hit for me from a devil. Please. Never. Do. That. Again.

Your sacrifice would be in vain because I’d kill myself if I were to cause your death. Don’t worry though. I took care of that devil. You passed out before you got to the Hospital, it was so scary… I can’t put it into other words.

I waited for you. I cried, a lot. Not because I felt like it was my fault (it was definitely there though) but because I couldn’t have you dying on me. I finally just got to get closer to you, so why would someone take it away so quickly?

Is that a bad way to think?

You’re still in the hospital. I miss you. They haven’t given me any information on how you’re doing. I wish they did.

I have so much to say to you, but I’ll keep it on the inside. It’s safer that way.

I wonder, do you miss me too?’

-

[17]

‘Dear Aki,

You’ve been out for so long. At this point, I’ve been writing these things more than once a day. My wrist kind of hurts.

This time is different though, I visited you in the hospital! Actually, this is my second time coming to see you. It took me a lot of courage, but you probably wanted to see me, right? If not me, then probably someone other than the medical staff.

When I got there, you were on your back, staring at the ceiling. Almost as hard as I stare at you, haha…

I don’t think you noticed me at first because I don’t peg you as the type to ignore someone. So I got closer. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this before. You looked so weak. I felt so bad.

I brought you a fruit basket and a few other things… I can’t remember them. What I do remember is that you asked me to buy you another pack of cigarettes. And I remember purposefully not bringing them.

That’s what I didn’t like about Himeno, the whole getting you into cigarettes thing. They gave me a headache. I hope you stop sooner or later.

You didn’t get mad at me or even ask about them! So… I think it’s working. I wonder how long it’ll be until you get discharged.

Miss Makima made it so that during work all I had to do is paper work because I didn’t have any available buddies. It’s boring, I really miss you at work.

I stayed there until visiting hours were over. It surprised me, you told me you wanted me to stay when I was going to leave earlier. It made me feel special. Thanks for that.

Have people really not been visiting you? Or am I special in your eyes, I don’t know.

I wonder, what’s going on in your head?’

-

Aki’s eyes were zoned out, looking into the ceiling, he didn’t notice you came back. You smiled when you saw his face again, still as handsome as ever. You knock on the wall to get his attention. He finally looked over to see you, it looked like he was happy when he laid his eyes on you.

You sat down on the chair next to his bed as you placed the fruit basket gently on the table next to you.

“Hi Aki, are you feeling any better?” Your voice sounded sweet, you tried your best to make it that way, almost acting like Aki was some sort of stray animal that could run away at any moment.

“Kind of… what brings you here, [name]?” His voice still sounded the same, maybe a little more raspy, but that can’t be helped. He probably hasn’t spoken in awhile.

“I… I- uh. I just wanted to see you again, that’s all. Work has been a little shallow.” The room was filled with silence yet again. Maybe this was a mistake, he’s still hurt, how could you think he would be in a state for holding a conversation? “Hey Aki, there was something I was going to say that I could the last time I came to visit.”

“Yeah?” Aki turned his head to look at you fully, he didn’t look like he was struggling

“…Please don’t do that again.”

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“The whole saving me thing.” You tilted your head while shutting your eyes and leaning onto your hand, “Don’t do it. Please.”

“[name]?” He spoke, but you didn’t stop.

“If your going to get hurt, do it so I don’t think it’s my fault. I know it sounds horrible, but I just can’t stand it. I would rather die then let it happen again.” You opened your eyes again to look at him, “I know it sounds selfish, but I just won’t be able to handle it. I can barely handle what’s happening right now. I feel like I’m going insane.” You take a deep breath in after you finish

“I can’t do that, sorry.” Aki sighed and looked back up at the ceiling, no longer facing you.

“Alright then,” You stand up dreadfully, turning away to face the door, “That’s all I really wanted to say, I’m sorry for coming back so soon.”

“Wait- [name] don’t leave.” Aki’s voice echoed.

“…?” You turned back, his voice sounded weak, did something happen the second you turned your back on him? He was sitting straight now, he was looking at you

“I’ve been stuck here for too long. Please, just stay here with me for a little longer? I… I promise I won’t do it again.”

“…of course, Aki.” You sighed and sat back down next to Aki, “…I’m sorry I said that”

-

[22]

‘Dear Aki,

You’re finally out from that stupid hospital! I can finally spend more time with you. I feel like we’ve been getting extra closer after you left. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to lose you again? Which is true, but this just feels weirder! Maybe you’re trying hard too?

Did you notice? Today while we were on patrol together, our hands touched. Well it was barely even there, but I felt it. You didn’t react or pull away either. Maybe you just didn’t feel it? Your hands are quite rough after all, or maybe you did and you enjoyed it. That will forever be my truth.

Honestly, I’ve been feeling my memory’s slip away from me ever so often, so when I came back home I rushed to grab a piece of paper! The box isn’t dusty at all because I take such good care of it. If we were to ever get together, I promise to take extra good care of you too. Even more than I do the box.

I wonder, would you like it at all?’

-

[29]

‘Dear Aki,

You took me out on a date today. I’ll remember it forever. Or at least, this paper will.

I’ve been writing these things in public lately, I just can’t help myself anymore. Sometimes I scribble them out if I feel someone near me. But I guess if I numbered it and put it in the box I didn’t do it to this one.

How many times have I rewritten this note? I don’t now!—

Back to the date, the restaurant we went to was really fancy! Should I call it a date? You never really said it was one, but I think it had the same vibes as one.

I ate a salad. It didn’t cost much because you said you were paying. But still, you insisted for me to get more, which I promptly refused. Yet you ordered Almond Tofu and gave it to me. I remember Himeno talking about it before, saying it was like your favorite dessert… and you gave it to me. I’m so lucky to have you.

I really wish I could’ve paid. I felt really bad. So I’ll get you a gift for later! What would you like? Maybe some extra hair ties? A simple gift, so you wouldn’t be suspicious of me feeling anything for you. But then again, that also sounds too simple.

Ugh!! I just don’t know what to get you. I’ll have to dig deeper into you to find more and more about you! Unfortunately, the only person who I knew who had a really strong connection to you was Himeno. But you already know what happened.

Should I ask Denji? Power— NO! They’ll just blabber it out. I just know it!

So who else?

I wonder, am I the closest person to you now?

-

[34]

‘Dear Aki,

I fell asleep in the same car as you. We were both sitting in the back of another members car. I don’t know how long the drive was, I really do wish I was awake for the whole thing.

Last night was a doozy, I got hurt while on a mission with you. But I really didn’t want you to get worried, so I hid it from you.

When I got home I was really in a lot of pain. And then I had to fix myself up all by myself. I was to tired. Even though my bathroom and a few splotches on the floor were covered in blood, I fell asleep.

Well I tried. I stayed in bed all night. Here and there I would pop a few of the medicine I had in the cabinet, none of it helped.

I kind of wished I showed that I got hurt so that maybe you would’ve let me stay with you and you’d help me and touch me and hold me… but that probably wouldn’t have happened—

I almost forgot! The car ride! It was amazing! I feel like I slept the best sleep I’ve had in years and it’s all thanks to you! And maybe the cars vibrations, but mostly you! I felt so safe.

Though almost all I saw was pitch black, I remember waking up that I was on your shoulder. I jolted awake, I almost ripped the wound open again, but I didn’t!!!

I wonder, did you put me on your shoulder or did you just let me stay there? I hope it’s the first option, but either one’s good.

-

[47]

‘Dear Aki,

I’m hoping to confess to you soon. All these feelings I have can’t be put to words on useless pieces of paper anymore. I need to tell you. I need to get closer to you. I need you!!!

Still, I reviewed these letters to see what I should say when I eventually tell you. I didn’t get a lot from it other than that I’m absolutely crazy about you, but I think it jogged my ever fading memory.

I’ll write in here again on what happens after I do. If it doesn’t go well I won’t be writing any more, I’ll distance myself from you. For both of our own goods. (Is that how you say it?)

I wonder, will you feel the same?’

-

[48]

‘Dear Aki,

You said yes.

Still. I’ll never show you any of these notes. They’re way too embarrassing…

I wonder, if I ever showed these to you… would you understand?’

-

“Hey Aki, we’re gonna get off from work soon. Mind talking to me in private for a little bit?” You look up at Aki, he was smoking. You never got him to stop. You see and smell the smoke. The streets were empty and the two of you were waiting for the traffic light to switch.

“Hmm, it’s only the two of us right now. Can’t you tell me now? I have to get home quickly, y’know… because Power and Denji are-“

“Yeah I understand. Uhh…” You close your eyes as your face flushes, you tilt your head and open your eyes back up. “Okay. I like you, Aki.”

“What?”

“I mean that, I have a crush on you Aki. I’ve been having it for a long time now.”

“I-I knew what it meant I just… I guess I wanted to hear it again.” There was a light blush on Aki’s cheeks. He looks so cute… you waited for his answer.

“…do you like me back?” The seconds that passed by while you two were crossing the road felt like years. You felt your head turning away from him. It’s been so long. He probably doesn’t, you felt like you were slowly turning into ashes.

“I… I like you too.” Aki’s arm pulled you closer as you were straying away from him unintentionally.

“Y-You do??”

“Have I given you any reason for you to think otherwise?”

“Yeah! Like sixteen! Just now!” Your face was fully red, your head was pulled to his side. His arm was on the side of your shoulder. “Sorry. It’s just… been a while.”

“It’s alright, [name].”

-

[55]

‘Dear Aki,

I feel like after we started to ‘date’ I’ve been writing less of these letters. Probably because I’ve been telling you how I feel more often, which is good! I long for the day where I can tell you everything but that day is probably going to be years from now.

And from what I’ve heard, you don’t have a lot of time left. It was a whole miracle for you to accept the love I feel for you, how long will it take for us to do something more?

The day I told you about my feelings, I invited you to my house. Even though you told me you had to go home quickly to Power and Denji, you walked me home after work. You didn’t stay long, but it was nice, and luckily my house wasn’t a mess!

Oh— I forgot. Today. Today was crazy. Today you actually stayed at my house. Well, stay is a big word. It’s Sunday today and we actually had an official date! You said something about Denji and Power promising not to do anything.

So… today we held hands! Even though your hands looked fine, they’re actually pretty rough. We went to a cafe. This time I actually got something I wanted, just a Matcha crepe cake! You ordered the same thing, I didn’t know we were so similar!

The best thing happened to today though. Not the date, not the hand holding… we kissed. It was so best. Your mouth on mine. It was so good, you were so good.

I can’t wait to spend more time with you outside of work.

I wonder, do you do too?’

-

[57]

‘Dear Aki,

Things have been great. You’re great. I feel like it’s been like a week since I wrote a note. But I still have feelings. So much on my mind that I just can’t say.

Like… as I’m writing this, you’re sleeping on my bed. (I’m at the kitchen counter writing this) I can hear you snore, it’s kind of cute. We’ve been kissing so often so it’s all normal and whatever but… this time you felt more desperate.

Is that a nice thing to say? I don’t know, but I enjoyed it. Your touch is such an energy booster, but for you… I just don’t know if you feel the same. Because right after… you fell asleep and you left me here awake and needy.

You’re so much hard working than me, so I guess it’s understandable. But I just can’t fall asleep next to you. I was tossing and turning and I just got up to leave you because I thought I’d wake you up.

You’ve been staying at my place more often, I’m really grateful! Though I can’t help but wonder how Denji and Power are doing at your apartment. It scares me that they might mess up real bad and that you won’t ever come to visit me again. Maybe I should confront them about it at some point… like paying them? I dunno.

Are we at that level yet? For me to want to… uh. (I’m too embarrassed to write it out, but y’know. Like the birds and the bees.) I’m longing for you all the time, can’t you see that? Or maybe you’re just not ready.—‘

“[name]? Why’d you get up?” Aki yawned as he walked out of the bedroom

“Huh? Oh no, I just couldn’t fall asleep that’s all!” You turn your head to face him as you crumble the note in your hand

“Oh, what’s that?” Aki got closer to you, resting his head on your shoulder. You sweat and smile up at him.

“I-It’s nothing. It’s just a piece of paper I was drawing on.” You lied and prayed he didn’t pry further. He didn’t say anything about it, “I’ll try and go back to bed with you. C’mon.”

“Alright.”

You never finished that note, you still stashed it away into the secret blue box though.

-

[58]

‘Dear Aki,

We didn’t go to work today. You called in sick. I did too… from the same phone. That was stupid, but they probably won’t be up our ass about it. I wonder why you’re staying here for so long? Are you waiting for something to happen?

Ooh! Are you actually thinking about sex? Naughty boy. Haha, but I don’t think I’d mind.

You’re making me breakfast right now, I can smell it. I’m currently stuck i. The bedroom quickly writing this. I feel bad for leaving the other letter unfinished even though I know no one else is going to read it. So I guess I’m just relieving myself.

I can’t wait to try your cooking. It smells great.

Thanks Aki, love you.’

-

You shove the paper into the box under your bed right before you leave to say ‘Good Morning’ to your boyfriend. He looks, tired and depressed to say the least. Did something happen while you were asleep? He didn’t respond back until you wrapped your arms around his waist from behind. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Not at all, it’s just that I…” Aki didn’t look back at you, he looked so out of it. He turned off the stove and placed whatever he was cooking. “You know about my contract with the Future Devil, right?”

“Oh? Yeah I do, what about it?”

“I… saw something.” He sighed as he brought the plate to the kitchen table, “And it was about you.”

“…Yeah?” You start to get worried, if it was nothing unimportant than he wouldn’t be getting like this. So what was it about?

“You were dead- or, dying? I don’t know, but I keep seeing it over and over again. It’s like the Future devil just wants to torture me.” You watch as Aki slowly breaks down, it was the first time seeing someone as strong as Aki cry. You don’t know what to do, so you pat his back. “And I don’t know how much time we have, fuck, it can be in a year. All I know is that it was here in your apartment and… and I want to prevent it.”

“Well, if it’s my apartment, then maybe we should go to yours?” Aki was crying and all you could do is pay his back, your death didn’t scare you, but his reaction did.

-

[59]

‘Dear Aki,

You talked about my death. So we went to your apartment. It was still in the morning, so Denji and Power were still there. You were still down in the dumps so I had to distract them from eating you alive or something.

I’m writing this in the inside of a napkin. That’s fun.

You scared me, not because I was going to die, but because… you were scared. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like that. Do you really care that much about me? I guess that’s normal. If you were to die then I don’t think I’d keep living. Maybe still alive, but just an empty shell. So, I won’t die. Because I don’t want you to live like that.

I think I’ll finally write in my will. I’ve been planning to anyway. I’ll put you in it… and I guess my family and some friends. Maybe I’ll give you that box with all my notes in it. Then maybe if you read it, you’ll feel less bad for losing me. Or feel even worse. That’s bad.

What should I do?’

-

[61]

‘Dear Aki,

I’ve been staying at your house for a while now, and we went back to work. The past two notes I have are being kept in my pockets of my clean clothes. I barely leave your side now, which doesn’t bother me.

You’re always so frantic whenever we go back to my apartment to grab stuff. I always assure you that we’ll be fine but you never believe me. So guess what I did?

Hehe you already know, I made you relieve your stress by using me. Can you believe it? We finally fucked. It was nice. It was good. You kept crying during it though, but I didn’t have any time to comfort you, and even if I did it probably wouldn’t have worked, you just kept going. I feel bad for your roommates who had to hear all that.

After we did, I finally had some good sleep. It’s weird sleeping next to you, but I guess I can make it work.

I love you, Aki’

-

“Aki, my legs hurt. I don’t want to keep going for this patrol.” You whine as you tread through the streets of Tokyo. The sun was starting to set, how long have the two of you been walking?

“It’s fine— [name] get back! There’s a devil here…” Aki murmured, pulling out an arm to shield you, even though there wasn’t any visible devil out and about.

“Where is it?” You whisper as you clutch your own weapon of choice

“It’s inside the walls of that crummy looking building there. It’ll jump out, there’s more than one too. Watch out.”

Just like he said, a devil popped out from the wall of the empty building next to you. Another devil popped out, then another. They all looked the same: was it the Zombie devil again?

It didn’t matter, Aki sliced through them with his katana. So did you, again and again, the rush made it so that you couldn’t feel your legs. Then it hit you like a truck, your leg started to cramp right when more of those devils started to crawl out from the building. You yell out for Aki as he swing away at the monsters. He couldn’t hear you. It’s your fault, you should’ve been louder. Maybe you should’ve made that contract with the Claw devil when you had the opportunity. Then this outcome could have been prevented, but it wasn’t.

They didn’t bite you, so maybe they weren’t zombies. What are you thinking? You’re about to die and all you can think about is the stupid name of the devil? Isn’t your life flashing before your eyes? No, it wasn’t. You were strange, even though you were on the floor barely breathing, you could only think about for disappointing this outcome was. Was this how your story ended? Without being able to say goodbye to Aki? Without even being able to die in his arms? Only to die on the concrete floor surrounded by the stench of the devil’s corpses that surrounded you. You wished you took the day off today.

“[name]?! Where are you?” Aki’s voice boomed from your left.

You couldn’t say anything. All you could muster was a quiet plead for the devil to stop. You take back what you thought, they were biting you. Not in a zombie way, they were chewing on your flesh to heal. It felt like hell. Why didn’t they just kill you before they started to feast? You can feel your blood turning cold as it oozed out from your soon to be corpse.

“[name]?! Motherfucker-“ Aki rushed over and sliced the Devil’s head, blade nearly hitting you. There’s no way your making it out alive. “[name]?! Can you still hear me? Fuck… what did it do to you…?”

His voice was ringing in your ears, you couldn’t see anymore, you couldn’t even respond was a movement. Your eyes were already forced shut when the devil was devouring you, you couldn’t open them again.

“Fuck fuck fuck, there’s no way you’re… I never saw this future. How was I supposed to prevent this?” Aki cried as he held your bloodied body in his arms. He couldn’t do much other than to choose between calling someone and tell them you’re dead or being you to a hospital and waste their time. Aki decided to bring you to the hospital, he heard rumors that Public Safety that fiends were made from devil hunters who died on field, he didn’t want that for you. He’d rather know your body was resting forever than see it be reanimated unconsentually by another devil.

Aki cried in the hospital’s bathroom stall, even though he loved you, he still didn’t want anyone to witness him cry. You were officially pronounced dead a few minutes later. Aki did his best to contact your family in person to tell them about you, but he couldn’t find much.

Aki wasn’t surprised that he was in your will, what did surprise him was the box he received from your home.

‘Dear Aki, if you’re reading this then it means I died before you. I’m sorry for leaving you so soon, you’ll be okay, I promise. Don’t miss me too much, I have a lot of notes here all for you! Read them if you want, or preserve them. I hope they make you feel better or something like that, if you couldn’t guess already, I’m horrible with words. I’ll always have so much more to say, but I’ll just stick with this!

I love you, Aki.

-[name].’

-

[1]

‘Dear [name]—

/

/

/

I wonder how you’re doing.

-Aki.’

•••|•••|•••|•••|•••

MASTERLIST

<I didn’t mean to make this 5k words hahahaha>

<I hope u enjoy bcs I told myself I would NEVER make an Aki fic because he’s so popular but here we are!>

<SEND REQUESTS I AN A SAD DIGNIFIED LADY!!>

Yours truly, 💟

[eurydices-ghost]

longtime followers might remember when I got food poisoning last november and then had a fucked up gut forever after. well I got discharged from the hospital today and turns out I’ve had a C. difficile infection this whole time. when they checked me in my blood levels were alll out of wack and my heart rate was 20-30bpm lower than normal but I’m feeling better now and am very hopeful. I took my first dose of antibiotics tonight :)) after 7 months of pain & agony, a ct scan, a colonoscopy/endoscopy, and trying just about every supplement and natural remedy, it turns out I just needed to go to the ER in the middle of an episode so they could test my stool and find it crawling with bacteria.