#I got 6 or so graphs to do which i could do in 4 hours of only working on it

[duckduckgoose-surveys]

Actually ive been taking way to long not sleeping until I got this survey done

Hi, I was wondering if the results of the Dndads survey have been posted anywhere?

Unfortunately not yet, progress has been slowed down a lot due to IRL circumstances, but I'm trying my hardest to post them next week! You'll be able to find it at @duckduckgoose-surveys when it comes out

[the-bad-batch-baroness]

Health Update

First, I want to say thank you to everyone who reached out or commented on the latest installment of Where's Mommy? to wish me good health. I am so grateful for all of you 💚

However, the health issue I'm currently dealing with isn't due to a virus or bacteria, and there's a possibility it won't get better.

A little history.

Back in 2022, there was a two week period where I felt like my blood sugar was dropping, and I was very symptomatic. There was a moment where I slumped down a wall at work because of it, and they had to dump sugar packets from the break room into my mouth to rouse me. It was a very scary time.

After those two weeks, I went to my Primary Care Physician who ordered blood tests and had me purchase a glucometer to test my blood sugar several times a day. However, during the two weeks she had me do this, I never got a reading below 70, and the same symptoms did not develop as they did prior. My blood work came back clean, and without a reading lower than 70, my PCP dismissed it and told me I was having anxiety attacks, lol. She told me to come back if the symptoms came back, and they never did.

Backing up a couple more years.

Without revealing too much of my medical history, I have a chronic illness called POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome). It's a dysautonomia or a dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system, the system that controls all of the automatic functions of the body. It was caused by my battle with Lyme Disease in 2010 and is currently incurable. I was diagnosed with POTS in 2018, after being told for 6 years that I had anxiety, lol.

POTS is not a very well-known illness, but it's getting more attention these days. It garners a host of different symptoms, including tachycardia, chronic fatigue, brain fog, orthostatic intolerance, migraines, gut issues, syncope, dehydration, blood pooling, etc. Everyone's POTS presents differently, and most people with a POTS diagnosis live on disability. I made the choice not to.

Fast forward to 2024.

Fast forward again to this past Wednesday.

Well, I finally was able to get a POTS specialist in my state this year. A huge win! When I had my initial consultation, I had mentioned the low blood sugar episodes in 2022 and asked if it could be related to POTS. The doctor told me that they don't see POTS patients having low blood sugar issues, but we're concerned enough to refer me to an endocrinologist. Another big win!

I had my consultation with the endocrinologist, and he ordered more blood tests, some of the same tests as before, and some different (y'all, they took like 20 vials from me). He also gave me a CGM (continuous glucose monitor) to wear for 14 days so they can track my highs and lows to see if they can catch anything.

Well, the next night, my blood sugar dropped below 70, 20 times, and 55, 9 times. Which means I was woken up 9 times throughout the night. I got only about 2 hours of sleep, and still had to go to work the next morning. But, once again, it went back up by itself without any intervention from me.

Y'all, it caught A LOT in just the first day, actually night. My blood sugar dropped below 70, 11 times, and below 55, 4 times while I was sleeping. Now, because anything below 55 is considered critical and could be fatal, there is an alarm that cannot be overridden and will sound. It sounds like a smoke alarm. So, I was awoken 4 times.

The odd thing is that my blood sugar dropped, then went back up on its own. I didn't eat or drink anything. Blood sugar doesn't really do that, so I thought it was odd. This also begs the question: If I'm asymptomatic at 53, then what level was I at in 2022 when I had symptoms? Honestly, I don't want to know.

Here is a nifty graph!

All of the red is considered low blood sugar, below 70, and anything close to that 50 line is considered critical low blood sugar. And again, I did not eat anything during the night.

There are four major anomalies with my low blood sugar occurences:

Most cases of hypoglycemia are seen in diabetics, I am not diabetic

Most cases of hypoglycemia seen in non-diabetics are sporadic, mine are consistent

Hypoglycemia is normally corrected by consuming sugar, mine auto-corrects

When blood sugar drops, it creates symptoms, I do not get symptoms

There are only a handful of things that can cause hypoglycemia in a non-diabetic and even less consistently at night time. The doctor has already ruled out insulinoma (insulin producing tumors in the pancreas), so that leaves even less, and also the good old "we don't know what's wrong with you".

I'm not going to lie. This whole thing terrifies me. There's no telling how long my blood sugar has been doing this, and it only takes one dip below 50 for me to slip into a coma and die in my sleep. Luckily, my blood sugar does this crazy autocorrect thing, and I haven't died yet! Humor makes this easier.

Right now, I'm emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. Adding this on top of my already difficult life with POTS has been hard to cope with, and I'm crying a lot.

Hopefully, I'll get results soon, and my endocrinologist can figure out why this is happening and how to manage/fix it if it can be managed/fixed. Maybe I've got a completely new illness, and you'll find me in a medical journal! Wouldn't that be something.

Anyway, thanks for the continued support. I have a lot of IRL support from friends and family, but while I go through this process, I may seem distant, my posting might be sporadic, I may not keep my fic posting schedule, etc. And when I have an update, I promise to let y'all know!

Much love 💚💚💚

Steph

[tchaikovskym]

are you tired most of the time? is it hard to wake up in the mornings? is it hard to fall asleep at night? do you crave sweets and fats? are you getting depressed and anxious? is life stressful?

well, let me tell you about my scientific obsession of a few years: cortisol, which i assume, could be in the center of it all

cortisol is just your casual stress hormone, hanging around

but it has a wonderful daily pattern

as you can see this guy goes from 1 to 400 during the night to peak at 8am (in this graph), but in reality peaks like 30 minutes after you wake up, depending on your sleeping pattern. it does not follow the clock everyone is supposed to follow, it follows YOU, it follows your internal clock.

so, let's put the first thing together - cortisol is a stress hormone, and the peak in the morning is supposed to wake you up. stress in this case is NOT a bad stress, but rather something to make your body flowing and being ready to face the day.

so, what happens when you do not sleep?

Source: Klumpers, U. M., Veltman, D. J., van Tol, M. J., Kloet, R. W., Boellaard, R., Lammertsma, A. A., & Hoogendijk, W. J. (2015). Neurophysiological effects of sleep deprivation in healthy adults, a pilot study. PloS one, 10(1), e0116906.

Image annotation from the source: Individual saliva cortisol curves (grey line) and cortisol mean value (nmol/L) per Tx sampling point (solid line). Day 1 shows baseline cortisol sampling at T1-T7, day 2 shows effects of one night of total sleep deprivation on cortisol levels at T8-T14. T1, 2 and 3 comprise the cortisol awakening response (CAR). T8, 9 and 10 are sampled at identical time points the following day. T5 and T12 are sampled at 14.00hr, T6 and T13 at 17.00hr and T7 and T14 at 23.00hr. p values show effects of TSD, # p = 0.016.

The pic above shows the same cortisol levels in day 1 (control) and day 2 (after not sleeping one night).

As you can see, there is no peak. It's just a flat line. This means, no sleep gives you no awakening response, and it also applies to less sleep. The less you sleep, the lesser the awakening the response, the more tired you may feel during the day.

And you might say "oh but it feels the same when i sleep 10 hours or 4 hours so what's the difference". That's because you've luckily got to wake up in a point where your sleep phase is the lighter. How do you feel thorough the whole day? And if it is still the same, regardless of sleeping hours, for how long have you been not sleeping enough? There is such a thing as sleep debt, and if you're in it, you won't feel any better until you get that debt off.

The no morning peak happens because cortisol is produced during REM sleep (rapid eye movement sleep or the phase known for dreaming, although you can dream in other phases too). REM sleep also has this thing, where the phase gets longer and longer the more you sleep. So if you sleep less, the REM phase total length is going to be less, so less cortisol for the morning peak. This is why bad sleep quality (like waking up every once and then and not being able to sleep for long uninterrupted periods of time) also can do the same thing. Sleep duration is one of the main players, but it's not the only one.

Anyway, back to the point. Less sleep, harder to wake up, logical, right, you didn't need a cortisol graph for that.

However, notice how in day 1 the 6 and 7 time points is pretty much a straight line, like cortisol just reached the minimal level at the 6th time point. If you look at day 2, at time points 13 and 14, the slope is bigger, right?

You might think that's ridiculous, there is such a tiny slope difference between last two points in day 1 and day 2, that it shouldn't matter

BUT IT DOES!

Cortisol production, like many other things in our body work by negative feedback mechanism. Which means, when there is a lot of it, the brains get the "guys there is a lot of cortisol we should stop". But with sleep deprivation, there is not a lot of cortisol, and the brains don't get that signal, therefore, in the evening, the levels are a bit higher than they should be.

And what does having a bit higher levels of stress hormone, the be awake and alert hormone means in the evening? Guess what? You won't be able to fall asleep so easily!

So, the first vicious cycle involving cortisol regarding the information above: the less you sleep, the less you will be able to sleep.

But that leads to another thing: stress! Cortisol, the stress hormone, obviously, leads to stress. And the more you stress, the more cortisol, the higher the evening levels of cortisol. Which messes up your sleep cycle even more.

So voila, the first vicious cycle, visualized:

but it's not the end of it! oh boy it is not!

what comes with stress? eating problems!

how elevated cortisol in the evening plays a role in this? well, cortisol belongs to the glucocorticoid group. gluco sounds familiar, right, something to do with glucose right?

it makes more glucose available to the brain (which explains why it starts it peak during sleeping hours - while asleep we do not eat, but our brains are doing their thing, and thus cortisol skyrockets).

not only in the brain, but mostly everywhere, cortisol increases the glucose availability for tissues.

so cortisol makes the sugar be in your blood, but how else, besides the metabolism, can it make you get the sugar? by eating sweets of course! so you crave sugary foods!

you know what also promotes glucose in the blood? NOT insulin! so what cortisol does? blocks the thing. you know what insulin resistance and elevated glucose can do to a guy? make the guy diabetic!

also remember you are stressed, sleepy, crave sweets in elevated cortisol event, so you are less likely to have motivation for anything, including sports, so you are less likely to move, and more likely to gain some weight. and oh, how that makes it even more stressful, so voila, you add fuel to the vicious cycle

visualization here:

of course, there are other things involved, and the grand conclusion could be this:

Source: Hirotsu, C., Tufik, S., & Andersen, M. L. (2015). Interactions between sleep, stress, and metabolism: From physiological to pathological conditions. Sleep Science, 8(3), 143-152.

what can you do to get out of the cycle?

idk honestly. i'd suggest eating breakfast, because cortisol also spikes after meals (idk exactly why) and it can boost your morning cortisol levels to make the slope more pronounced (thus making the evening levels lower)

but most importantly - move. do something physical. there are mechanisms involved, trust me, i just don't want to write another post about them, but it actually helps. it doesn't mean you have to go to the gym and join a sports team, it could mean just taking long walks, maybe search some beginner yoga or whatever. just move around.

here is a pic of individual factors that play a role in this:

and while you can't really change your genetics, disorders, mental distress and most medication use, you can work on unhealthy lifestyle and intoxications

Source of the pic: Van der Valk, E. S., Savas, M., & van Rossum, E. F. (2018). Stress and obesity: are there more susceptible individuals?. Current obesity reports, 7, 193-203.

Image annotation from the source: Conceptual model of the interplay between the stress system and obesity. Various individual characteristics are proposed to play a role in initiating a vicious circle of increased activation of the stress system (both by perceived chronic stress as well as increased net glucocorticoid effect by either endogenous or exogenous GCs) and obesity in a bidirectional manner. Abbreviations: GC, glucocorticoid; SNP, single nucleotide polymorphism; OSA, obstructive sleep apnea

if you read this all i am open to marriage proposals, thank you

[bookworm-2692]

And here we are everyone! The final update to the Life Tracker with all the chaos at the end! Apologies for the delay here - most of my timing notes were done by Sunday, and then the graphs were complete by the middle of Tuesday, and now it’s Thursday morning. I have no good excuse this time, but here it is!

Previous posts: Session 7, Session 6, Session 5, Session 4. As usual, below the cut is close ups and data and commentary!

There were 37 deaths I counted this session up to Pearl’s permadeath, and then Impulse died twice more before some off-camera life exchanges occurred (Scott showed the first two, so they’re here with their timings, but then after that no one showed when Impulse gained an hour (so got two more kills), Martyn lost an hour (so died once), and Scott gained half an hour (so got a kill), and as you see something doesn’t add up and given that immediately after they get down to their final life I have elected to ignore it and just adjust the time anyway). Then there are the three consensual lava deaths, and then the three final deaths... so there were 45 on camera deaths this session, plus some extra off camera time shuffling.

I actually missed two deaths from Session 7 as well - I had them in my notes so my number of deaths matched what should be, but I somehow forgot to put them in the excel data, so I put them back this week. They were when Impulse fell and Cleo got the kill credit, as when as the Grian double kill on Bdubs and Cleo. I have also removed the 30 minutes I awarded Bdubs for his wolf killing Scar so that he could permadie at the correct time - though I left the 30 minutes Bdubs got for killing Joel in self-defence as a Yellow, as Cleo’s timer shows that she still had this, so I wanted consistency there.

Close up of Sessions 6-8 together

Close up of Sessions 7-8 together

Here you can see all the permadeaths together! It was far harder to label these lines than when players were alive and in a nice orderly line, so I hope this is fairly clear. And a close up of Session 8 alone:

Crazy how Pearl was briefly the one with most time, and Impulse’s habit of keeping his mouth shut about his time served him well - two hours into the session he had 4.5 hours, while Scott and Martyn were both down to 2 hours (and Grian on 1 and Pearl and Etho on half an hour). Scott wasn’t kidding when he said he stole all of Impulse’s time there.

I also decided to acknowledge Martyn’s /kill at the end there, and made him lose the rest of his time there.

Another interesting thing is the fact that Etho and Pearl’s mutual killing of each other, where they both net lost half an hour, didn’t actually effect their final placements. They were on under half an hour when they died, but if they hadn’t killed each other, they still would have been under an hour, and still would have permadied. Grian was definitely on the most time at his permadeath, and BigB got so damn close to it before being saved. If it had taken Mean Gills + TIES even a minute longer to find them and kill them, BigB would have died then (and Pearl may not have lost as much time as quickly as she did).

I do want to acknowledge that Pearl did gain an hour from permakilling Cleo. Because it was PvP, the half hour got automatically added. However, because Cleo permadied, her death message took up the entire screen and completely hid the message telling Pearl she gained 30 minutes, so Pearl then gave herself another 30 minutes. Which means she may have otherwise died when Etho pushed her, but I’m willing to let it slide - Martyn also gained 30 minutes for an unknown reason back between Session 3 and Session 4 that was never acknowledged or removed. He also never fell below two hours until they agreed to equalise, so it probably didn’t effect anything, but I do want both to be acknowledged here.

I also created the graph for the average time per team again, in two forms.

First: where dead people are included in the average

And the Session 6-8 close up of this

And the Session 7-8 close up

And below is the Session 7-8 close up of the version where dead people are removed from the average

I don’t have much to say here other than I think it’s interesting comparing the two. The first one suppresses how much time Impulse has on account of Skizz and Tango both being dead, but the second one shows it loud and clear.

Now is time for the data screenshots! This session was longer than every session except for the first - they had been averaging around two hours, but this time was an hour and a half. Presumably, this is because at the 2 hour mark, there were still 6 people alive, and three of them had an hour or less to live, and 15 minutes later there were only three but at that point you may as well let it play out.

The first 50 minutes of Session 8:

The next hour and 10 minutes of Session 8:

The final 30 minutes of Session 8:

As usual the red and green boxes indicate deaths and kills. The blue boxes is what I’m using for the “time equalisation” the three of them did off camera. I really tried to work out who would have killed who there but something didn’t work and then I decided it didn’t matter lmao. I did do their three lava deaths separately though because I’m still being anal there.

After doing all that, I finally worked out a better way of zooming in on the graphs, by remembering I can actually force the axes to be smaller, which means more detail can actually be seen. So here those are below.

Life Tracker Session 1-4:

I also finally worked out how to rotate the text boxes because it wasn’t working earlier, and I think it looks so much better there!

Life Tracker Session 5-8:

Here unfortunately the text on the left had to be huge for the spacing to work, but then on the right the text had to be much smaller so I could try to space all the names out at the point of death.

Life Tracker Session 6-8:

I actually made the 6-8 one before the 1-4 or 5-8 ones, so before I worked out the angled text, but I think this still works with just the names at the point of death (the start of the name is at the point of death, unless there’s commas in between and then they’re all at the same point)

Life Tracker Session 7-8:

Lots of little details here! We’re close enough that Tango’s death can separate from Scar and Cleo. You can see vertical lines close together rather than overlapping as well which is nice!

Life Tracker Session 8:

This one I did forget to change the title, but you can tell it’s Session 8 only. Tango, Scar, and Cleo died within two minutes of each other, it’s so tight. And Impulse and Scott were within six seconds of each other, so that was always gonna be impossible to separate.

Team Average Time Session 1-4:

Team Average Time Session 5-8:

Team Average Time Session 6-8:

Team Average Time Session 7-8:

Team Average Time Session 8:

I also have a copy of the above four with the dead people excluded, which I can share if people are curious, but this post is maybe getting a bit long right now, and I think the version where dead people are included is the better one to show - more accurate to team strength.

I also made some other graphs while procrastinating this post (because I was procrastinating making a decision about some of Bdubs’s deaths/kills to make the time work), but I will include those in their own post as this one is absolutely far too long right now.

I definitely had fun making these graphs each week, so I hope you guys enjoyed too!!

[the-river-is-right-there-chopper]

I've just lost at least 4 braincells, 2 hours and my laptop is melting so storytime!

I have this class at Uni that specifically teaches how to write and format research papers/reports/theses. For our semester long project each student had to pick a random article from a science magazine and write a few pages on its topic, along with some pictures and graphs.

Mistake number 1: The article was in English. The project was supposed to be in Polish (my native language). And since the topic of the article was "Social outcomes of education" while the subject of my studies is nowhere near that field of science, I figured I'll just translate the thing, format it as the professor likes and be done with that course. It's not like I have to do my own research (that doesn't stand nowhere near my future engineering degree) in this class that focuses purely on mastering Word, Excel and PowerPoint, right? Wrong! I have to write the project myself and use real, accurate data to make my own graphs.

Mistake number 2: Remember when teachers in high school would tell you "You have to cite your sources. Wikipedia is NOT a source"? I've never had to use it but it was a well known lifehack to cite Wikipedia's sources instead. So where did my mind go? Just see where the article got its data and use it yourself. Fuck the text, I'll rewrite it later, now let's make some graphs! The sources are right there, it's that easy!

So I went to the European Social Survey website, feeling so good that my data will be up to date, downloaded the results of the latest survey, opened it with my spreadsheet,

which started lagging immensly,

after a few minutes I could move the mouse again.

There were THOUSANDS of variables and TEN TIMES MORE the amount of values. The only words I could recognize, while searching through the program ad 2 seconds per frame, were names of countries.

I decided that even for the course's standards this was way out of my league. Unfortunately I had a hard time finding any more casual user friendly data on the topic so I was back at the ESS. This time around I saw I can manually select variables I actually need. And they have descriptions what their values mean! This will go smoothly!

It did not.

Mistake number 3 and the reason I decided to share this: I open a clean soreadsheet with only 2 variables - educational attainment and life satisfaction. Entries are divided by countries. Goal: Make a graph that shows people with higher education feel happier. I need to take the average score (1-10) from each group (1-5). Let's start with Belgium. I go to the data spreadsheet, filter the score for only the grouop with the lowest education. Select first value, endless, laggy scrolling to the last value, shift, select. Average score: 7,6.

This made me feel weird, since it's a 1-10 scake and this score should be the lowest from the 5 groups. Oh well, maybe Belgians are just very satisfied with their lives. Jealous.

Next group's score was 7,2. Now that raised my suspicion. All 5 groups of people with different educational attachments scored well within error of 1 point. That wasn't supposed to happen. I double checked with the article and, well, on its survey the differences between Belgian groupse were indeed small. So I decided to check which country had the highest differences and check it next. What will it be? Poland. Oh, yeah, Poland do be having differences.

Back to the spreadsheet, I settled on only checking the lowest, highest and the group in the middle to save time. Group 1 scored... around 7. Similar to group 3. Didn't even check the last one, Poles can't be that satisfied with their lives, can they? I should know, I'm one! And right now I'm miserable!

Devastated I checked the data sheet. Maybe I screwed up with the filteres? Let's check. Country? Show only Poland. Education? Show only level 3. Life satisfaction? There it is, scores of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 88. Wait.

Well it turns out, that the survey, apart from the regular scores was also accounting for answers like "I don't know", or "I won't say". And values for these were 55, 66, 77 and so on. So no shit the average scores were coming out wrong when each group had multiple Happiness Georges who were living their best lives Adn. Should. Not. Have. Been. Counted. I selected the scores excluding outliers and Poles' life satisfaction dropped to 5,5. Yeah, that's more like it.

Anyway that's it there's no moral I'm just really tired and wanted to vent have a great day

[jenodunno]

Studying

a/n: aish i’m sorry i haven’t written in a while, i have no excuses for myself other that i had no inspiration to write. Anyways i hope you enjoy this cute little story of Jaemin tutoring you hehe

pairing: Jaemin x Reader

warnings: none ?

"How can you even get good grades in this class" You sigh looking at your boyfriend's test paper that the teacher just handed out.

"I don't know," He shrugs looking over at the grade on your paper "But I do know I'm better at it then you" He lets out a small laugh

"Instead of laughing you should be a good boyfriend and help me" You sulk, laying your head on your desk.

Let's just say Human Anatomy isn't the class you do best nor do you even like it, but the sadly you still need to pass the class to no disappoint your parents.

"Of course I'll help you out, love," He smiles looking at you before petting your head "I'll come over after school, like that we can get started"

"Wait, what ? Now ?" You asked in disbelief "I know I asked for help but not right away I want to rest my brain a little"

"Yah...no, the faster we study the faster you'll understand what's going on and anyways the next test is schedule for next week so it's best if you start now, love." He says letting out a small laugh at the end when you sighed once again for like the one hundredth time.

"Fine" You mumble burying your face in your hands.

-

Wednesday at your place, (A week till the test)

"Wait" Jaemin says trying to hold back his laughter while looking at the test you received back from your teacher yesterday because he's a great boyfriend and doesn't want to laugh at your failure "You're really going to tell me you don't know where the esophagus is,"

"No, I know where it is, It's just that-"

"Then why did you put throat instead,"

"Because technically-"

"No baby no, technically it isn't our throat"

“Well technically yes because when we eat food goes down in it-“

“I can tell this is going to be long” He sighs chuckling

“Heyy don’t laugh at me !” You huffed, pushing him lightly “can we take a break we've been reviewing for hours" You sighed

"It's only been 30 minutes, my love," Jaemin says and looks at you with an 'are you serious' face "And I pretty sure we'll need more than that if you don't know where the esophagus is" He chuckles

"You're really not going to let me go for that one" You say getting up off the floor

"Nope" He smiles at you, before kissing you on the nose.

-

Thursday at Jaemin's place, (6 days till the test)

"Maybe you'll focus more at my place" Jaemin mumbles opening the front door for the both of you.

"What's that suppose to mean" You say looking up at him

"I mean that, maybe studying in another environment that's not your usual one might help you focus more" He explains

"I practically live here with you, Jae" You looked at him laughing a little

“Yeah yeah whatever, come on” He laughs stepping a side a little letting you go in first before closing the door behind himself.

After getting settled on the kitchen counter with all the school work laid out in front of you guys and Jaemin to your left you try to pay attention. In the end you actually are paying attention to what Jaemin is showing and explaining to you, maybe he was right earlier....

"So as long as you can try to remember this graphic by heart you'll at least get a 10 out 35 on the test" He says trying to make you feel better

"Yah but that isn't enough," You blow out a breath

"I know it isn't, love, but that's still better than the grades you got yesterday, and anyways I'll try my best to help you" He says grabbing your hand into his own "Anyways let's focus on this chapter, most of the vocabulary and work that'll be on the test is in this chapter, okay ?" He says softly looking at you and when you nod at him he starts explaining.

After 2 hours of studying flying by, you both decide to take a break.

“You know I hope you focused more on what I was explaining to you and not my face.” He smirks before drink out of his water bottle

“W-what do you mean,?!” You answered back in a flustered state “I was paying attention to you.”

“Yeah to me or to what I was explaining,” He chuckles before raising an eyebrow at you “because to me it seemed like you were paying more to me, as in my face and not the work.”

"T-that's not true," You defended

"Come on just admit to it and I'll give you a kiss" He once again lifts the corner of his lips forming a smirk

"J-jaemin !"

-

Saturday at Jaemin's place, (4 days till the test)

You don't know if Jaemin is actually a really good tutor or he is a good tutor because suddenly you can understand things you didn't think you could or at least you think so. I guess you could say you were lucky to have him.

"Are you guys really studying on a Saturday ?" Jeno says walking in Jaemin's house as if it's his own with a basketball in his hands

"Hmm, Oh yeah I'm helping my princess over here not fail for our next test" Jaemin hums a response to Jeno barely acknowledging his presence "Anyways, do you understand the graphics over here, It's explaining how the fluids in-"

"What's up fuckers" Donghyuck says bursting into the living room with a football soccer ball in his hand "Jeez it's literally the weekend and you both are in here studying, tsk, you know it feels really good outside ?" He smirks at you, dropping his weight on the couch "I would say the weather is about 28 degrees with a few clouds and the wind is-"

"You know it's better to stay in here than to be outside with your presences," You playfully glare at him

"Oh come on, stop acting like you hate me when you don't" He laughs before throwing the ball his holding in the air before catching it again.

"Stop being lame Donghyuck," Jeno chimes in "Anyways come on Jaems, It won't kill to take a little break and have fun, right Y/N ?"

"Okay, okay fine how about about we take a small break," Jaemin says getting up before smiling at how happy you looked

Let's just say it wasn't a small break you both took.....

-

Tuesday afternoon in the library (The day before the test)

"I'll never understand why it's so important to learn this, I honestly don't care about the human anatomy and how it works," You whine pushing your folder away from you

"You know your only learning about this because you chose this course" Jaemin says letting out a small laugh at your defeat

"Yeah well I only chose the scientific course because I wanted to have Laboratory but even that is hard and boring, I should have chosen the literature course like that I would of gotten art and I'm pretty sure that is much more fun and less hard than this human body thing. And also I wouldn't be alone because Renjun is there" You ramble out.

Jaemin pauses looking at you, then looking at all the school work flared out in front of you both before letting out a small sigh with a light laugh at the end.

"Look baby, I'm going to be honest with you. I know we've been studying for this test since last week but going the way we are going and the fact that the test is tomorrow, you're going to fail this test, I love you, but there's nothing we can do about it now" Jaemin says looking over at you before you let your head fall on the table with a bang gaining peoples attention. Jaemin just smiles at them before bringing his attention back to you caressing your back

"I knew it, I'm going to fail again and like you said there's nothing we can do" You mumble out lowly with a sigh following at the end

Jaemin doesn't respond but just sits there and comforts you.

-

Wednesday, ( test day )

The moment the teacher handed out the test papers, you knew you were doomed. On the first page you barely understood anything and the second page even less, though on the third page there was the graph that you studied so hard to remember, which you shockingly did. While filling out the graph you started remembering a few things Jaemin had taught you a few days prior.

30 minutes passed by pretty fast before you heard your teacher's timer going off "Okay times up, everyone pens down" He then proceeded to collect everyone's papers before going back to his desk to grade them leaving the class to do whatever.

"So how do you think you did ?" Jaemin says looking over at you, who was staring at the bracelet you were wearing

"Hm ? Oh umm well honestly I'm pretty confident, after I completed the graph suddenly things you had explained came into my head and I feel like I got a lot of things correct !" You say cheerfully. You honestly do think you did pretty well, all the answers suddenly came into your head at one pointed so yeah you are confident in yourself.

"I'm glad to hear that you're confident, It puts me at ease knowing I tutored you well" He smile at you like always

"Of course you did, you're a pretty good tutor y'know now I understand why Jisung always comes to you for help" You laugh softly

-

"Good morning everyone, i hope that today has been a pretty decent day for you all" Your teacher speaks out to the class walking in front of his desk. "Now before you ask yes I've graded yesterdays test, I will now hand them out" Your teacher announces.

"Yay finally, I could barely sleep last night because of this." You giggled cheerfully

Your teacher finally reaches yours and Jaemin's desk handing out your papers. When giving Jaemin his paper, you didn't miss your teacher giving him a small pat on his shoulder before giving you your paper with a small smile on his face. Giving him a small smile back you checked out your grade on the top right of the paper. The moment your eyes landing on your grade, you practically had stars popping out out of them.

With a little squeal of happiness you turn your paper around to show it to your lover with a huge grin on your face.

"Look !" You beamed happily at your boyfriend "Ahh thank you so much" Leaning in giving him a hug

"You're welcome my love," He chuckles looking down at you on his chest, reaching to pat your head "But you do know that having a 14/30 doesn't exactly mean you passed"

But you were quick to look at him and shush him with a finger to your lips "Don't ruin it for me, it's the highest grade I've gotten in this class" As your face changed from having a playful pout on it to having a smile letting a few giggles escape from your lips.

[dannyboyzone]

Writing rules 101 by Kin

Intro;

Everybody has their own writing style, and you absolutely don't have to listen to me. This is only posted for two reasons, one being that I might not have the mental strenght to post request for 2 or 3 days due to personal reasons, the other one being hey, someone might find this useful.

It's not to nag though, it's more for fun and I am open to respectful critism.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

1.

The first one that's the most important one is - In my eyes at least - that you should absolutely never write the character doing absolutely nothing.

Start out sentences with someone being in the middle of something, either something big or something small.

Example;

Not that good; Daniel woke up to the sound at his alarm, at 7:30 am and went to brush his teeth.

Alright!; Daniel shifted his gaze from the window back inside his kitchen. It was raining today, he couldn't help but wonder if it was a bad omen, or if his mind is simply trying to mess with him.

He opened the door to reveal his kitchen shelves, putting away the mug he had gotten from Gun that morning.

ex end.

Not only will it give more depth and possibilities for your story, but it will also keep the reader more entertained and in picture with what's happening.

Also, you are less likely to get a writers block.

2.

Please, if possible, do not write in a big text block.

By that, I mean not possible break in between lines at all.

Please try to make a format you are possible with, of what your gut feeling says feels right.

Example;

You could write like this.

I do not follow a possible format, but in my opinion the best format is one or two sentences starters. The next graph being three to five sentences.

It will not only make you more able to focus, and know where you left off but it is also helpful for the readers.

You can, of course add big paragraphs - if they are called that - but! People with certain disabilities, especially reading ones, will be able to pay attention more and not get overwhelmed if you follow the process of 'small text, big text, small text' or one similar to that made by your own. Also, were you aware that people who don't have English as their first language will be able to follow through more like that?!

Well, now you are!

ex end.

3.

" It is not necessary for you to always add who is talking while two people are having a conversation. " said Mira,

" That's right, but that rule only applies if it's obvious who is talking! " Zoe added to the conversation, with a cheerful smile.

Zack leaned back in his chair, holding a hand in front of his mouth as he yawned,

" If you are going to tell them the obvious anyway, just tell them that a sentence which is followed up by a quote should never have a dot but rather a comma. "

" Zack, don't be silly! Everyone knows that! "

" Actually... Some people might not! Let's not be judgemental everyone. " said the brown haired one.

" Pft, that's for beginners tho! "

" Hey!!! Let's also tell them that they can use differences between the people talking instead of their name too! " said his desk mate, as he looked up from the notes on their desk.

Zack leaned his head on Daniel's shoulder, closing his eyes as he made himself comfortable for a nap,

" Yup, especially if there is a pronoun difference. "

Mira turned to Y/n, holding their shoulder,

" Don't feel stressed please! It's alright to make mistakes, and writing is pretty hard anyway! Just follow your own pace! "

4.

Do not add anything that doesn't have a meaning.

Even if it's taking a sip of drink, it should have a meaning.

It's poisoned, dirty, the first step for someone to be healthy, the first drink someone has for survival, holds a significant meaning or It's to provoke someone.

It doesn't matter, as long as it adds something to the story.

If you do not make everything have a meaning that adds depth to the story or the personality of a character you are wasting the time of your reader and could possibly give them false hope.

Though, you don't immediately have to add the meaning of if in the same scene or even same chapter.

5.

Some sentences have multiple meanings depending on which word is pressed down.

Take an example, the sentence

" I never said she stole my money "

has 7 different meanings depending on the word you press down. Just try it out.

So if you might write a sentence with multiple meanings please write the pressed down word in italics.

If you want to say the person didn't steal the money, but someone else did, you would have to write,

" I never said she stole my money "

I hope it's clear with only one example!

6.

Your work is bad because you have read it at least a thousand times, but the people you will publish it to will read it for the first time and you will always have to remember that.

If you want to improve it though, write down everything in your notes, then fully delete it.

You can then open your post tab on your publishing site - like tumblr or something - and start rewriting it.

You will definitely only remember what's necessary in addition to your story.

I personally don't do this, but a lot of people might find it important.

7.

Always do research please, even if things won't always be accurate.

If you do research, less people will be annoyed by the inaccuracy and you will be able to add a lot of things that you couldn't have without them.

Also, you can avoid appropriating cultures and offending different kind of communities that way.

Along side that, please always state if your work will out of character or inaccurate on purpose.

Plus! Checking your spelling errors with a trusted app of yours will never hurt anybody! ♡

8.

If you have a writers block, please either

1. Change the weather; Opens up different kind of possibilities due to clothing, back ground, objects, air and reactions it brings out of others.

2. Add something dramatic; Only do this if it's absolutely necessary, because it could ruin your work. If everything goes right, add something that goes wrong and vice versa. This is only if you want to add angst in your fluff or wise versa.

3. Change the environments and/or the positions the characters are in; It gives a better perspective of the mood and general idea of the topic on hand that you are writing about.

4. Move on to the next scene; You can either leave the scene at that, or write the scene after that which can give you ideas for the one previous to that.

5. Make sure to clean the room you are in; Distractions and environment factors can change the way you feel about writing. Especially if not everything is clean, even if you don't like the mess. Also, drink water.

9.

Never add the end being a dream in longer works.

I don't mean the middle, a twist or a necessity. I mean the absolute end.

It just disappoints people and wastes their time.

10.

If you are writing anything other than romance such as action, horror, thriller ect I would like to say that, romance is not a necessity.

I beg of you, please don't add it if your main focus isn't romance.

Sure, people can have relationships but unnecessary romance rather drives people away than bring in more readers.

If your main focus is romance, please don't immediately make the people fall for each other.

It doesn't necessary have to be enemies or something you don't enjoy, but please remember that no one loves at first sight, and even people with a lot of chemistry can be shy!

Even if you love someone the first day you meet them due to something, it will definitely take a few hours and naivety.

So unless the main point is love at first sight, it's better to build up a relationship bit by bit.

11.

Be diverse with tension levels in scenes!

If a whole work is simply tense, or simply has a normal tone that can be either overwhelming or underwhelming.

For example, if your work is shorter, you can add a tiny moment where someone pouts yet gets cheered up with kisses a bit after.

If it's longer, you can add for example a race scene, which after ending is followed up with a group of friends smiling and having fun at a dinner table. If would not only give more depth to your story, but it could make viewers think and make their own headcanons of your story.

So, in short, please balance your story out. Readers have an easier time to finish a work that's balanced in the course of the same day over works that are over or underwhelming! ♡

12.

Every writer has a word that they might repeat too often. Mine are pronouns, but for others it might be fangs, headband, no, lenght or even cat.

Please try to recognise yours!

If you feel like you are repeating your key word more often than 3 times please rewrite your sentence(s) in a way it's more pleasant.

You will have an easier time writing and your reader won't feel like you are repeating yourself.

Also, you can improve your speech pattern that way. ♡

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Outro;

Whew, that was a lot. Kinda gave me a headache.

Please remember that these are tips and not to put anyone down. I would have just liked to help and make up for the lack of post. - Ouch, parrot much. - I enjoyed writing these, but if anyone got offended I apologise. Hopefully, this won't get ignored since I put a lot of effort in it. 🥲

Thank you for your time! <3

[douchebagbrainwaves]

IT'S CHARISMA, 372

Certainly it can be launched. That's what you're addicted to.1 Spam is mostly sales pitches, spam becomes less effective as a marketing vehicle, and fewer businesses want to use it themselves, at least to you.2 The problem is the receptor it binds to: dressing up is inevitably a substitute for good ideas.3 I'll start by telling you something you don't have to explain why. But you know the ideas are out there.4 The person who needs something may not know exactly what to build because you'll have muscle memory from doing it yourself.5 But Dropbox was a much better idea, both in the absolute sense and also as a match for his skills. For coming up with startup ideas on demand. So you have two choices about the shape of hole you start with. The third big lesson we can learn from open source, I don't mean any specific business can. Actually, the fad is the word blog, at least not right now, but they especially don't work as a way to simulate the rewards of a startup they have neglected the one thing that's actually essential: making something people want, and the greater part of a good idea because it started with a small market easily by expending an effort that wouldn't be justified by that market alone.

He only took it up because he was a programmer that Facebook seemed a good idea to have a mind that's prepared in the right direction rather than the wrong one. I've described is near zero. Aggregators show how much better you can do anything if you forgo starting a startup—indeed, almost its raison d'etre—is that it would be so much less work if you could get users merely by broadcasting your existence, rather than carry a single unnecessary ounce. Was there some kind of salesperson. Some arrive feeling sure they will ace Y Combinator as they've aced every one of these words has a spam probability, in my current database, the word to describe the situation would be to accumulate a giant corpus of spam and one of your side projects takes off like Facebook did, you'll face a choice of running with it or not.6 Stripe is one of the keys to retaining their monopoly.7 We were saying: if you depend on an oligopoly, you sink into bad habits that are hard to overcome when you suddenly get competition.

I do before x? Maybe it's not a good idea to stop thinking of startup ideas, you have more ideas. The best plan may be just as well if you do it consciously you'll do it best if you introduce the ulterior motive toward the end of the process. Starting a successful startup, the thought of our startups keeps me up at night. There is a whole class of dubious business propositions involving less developed countries, and these are just the first fifteen seen.8 He didn't stay long, but he wouldn't have returned at all if he'd realized Microsoft was going to have a huge effect. And they know the same about spam, including the headers.9 That's what was killing them. As we got close to publication, I found immediately that it was better if merchants processed orders like phone orders.

Well, math will give you more options to choose your life's work from.10 Fouls happen. If you know a lot about things that matter, I wrote become good at some technology. 84421706 same 0. 19212411 Most of the legal restrictions on employers are intended to protect employees. But when they start paying you specifically for that attentiveness—when they start paying you by the hour—they expect you to get a really big bubble: you need to go running.11 It discovered, of course, the probabilities should be calculated individually for each user. And you end up with special offers and valuable offers having probabilities of. 06080265 prices 0. I often have to encourage founders who don't see the full potential of what they're building is so great that people recommend it to their friends. I think, is to step onto an orthogonal vector.12 A startup just starting out can't expect to excavate that much volume.13

And yet have you ever seen a Google ad? 9889 and. Think about what you have to do is give them a share of it. Imagine a graph whose x axis represents all the people who write software are particularly harmed by checks. Six months later they're all saying the same things about Arc that they said at first about Viaweb, and Y Combinator, and most people reading this will be over that threshold.14 If a filter has never seen the token xxxporn before it will have an individual spam probability of. As day jobs go, it's pretty sweet.15

If the present range of productivity is 0 to 100, introducing a multiple of 10 increases the range from 0 to 1000. We assumed his logo would deter any actual customers, but it did not. Even colocating servers seemed too risky, considering how often things went wrong with them. You build something, make it available, and if you can make it happen. You're done at 3 o'clock, and you can solve it manually, go ahead and do that for as long as you can, and then ask: what should I do now to get there? When one looks over these trends, is there any overall theme?16 Good ones, anyway. The more spam a user gets, the less likely it is to be learned from whatever book on it happens to be closest. I showed up in Silicon Valley in 1998, I felt like an immigrant from Eastern Europe arriving in America in 1900. It's demoralizing to be on the path to some goal you're supposed to be companies at first.

Yes and no. The malaise you feel is the same. Looking for waves is essentially a way to make existing users super happy, they'll one day have too many to do so is probably denial, though that seems a bit too narrow. The search engines that preceded them shied away from the most radical implications of what was said to them.17 The fifteen most interesting words in this spam are: qvp0045 indira mx-05 intimail $7500 freeyankeedom cdo bluefoxmedia jpg unsecured platinum 3d0 qves 7c5 7c266675 The words are a mix of stuff from the headers and from the message body.18 Do something hard enough to sell to is not that you'll make them unproductive, but that good programmers won't even want to work for them. Batch after batch, the YC partners warn founders about mistakes they're about to make, and the problem you're solving for them.19

Notes

I realize I'm going to kill. Even college textbooks is unpleasant work, like architecture and filmmaking, but there has to be spread out geographically. Most explicitly benevolent projects don't hold themselves sufficiently accountable. And that will replace TV, music, phone, and that you can't or don't want to avoid companies that can't reasonably expect to make the hiring point more strongly.

Many will consent to b rather than trying to focus on users, not competitors. Do College English 28 1966-67, pp. Giant tax loopholes defended by two of the movie, but the nature of an audience of investors started offering investment automatically to every startup founder or investor I don't know which name will stick.

If you try to go behind the rapacious one. Put rice in rice cooker.

Something similar happens with suburbs. Perhaps the most important factor in the mid 20th century.

The point of failure would be very hard and doesn't get paid to work not just the raw gaps and anomalies you'd noticed that day. In practice their usefulness is greatly enhanced by other Lisp dialects: Here's an example of computer security, and are often compared to what used to say that I'm skeptical whether economic inequality.

Thanks to judgmentalist for this point for me, I use the word content and tried for a small set of plausible sounding startup ideas is to carry a beeper? If Congress passes the founder visa in a time. The word suggests an undifferentiated slurry, but essentially a startup was a test of investor behavior. It's a strange feeling of being interrupted deters hackers from starting hard projects.

Which is not so good. If you're doing something that doesn't seem an impossible hope.

Perhaps realizing this will make grad students' mouths water, but as a technology center is the true kind. Not in New York the center of gravity of the 1929 crash.

They shut down a few months later Google paid 1. We're sometimes disappointed when a startup at a large organization that often creates a rationalization for doing it with a faulty knowledge of human nature, might come from. That can be done at a time.

E-Mail. But we invest in a domain is for sale. University Bloomington 1868-1970. In 1800 an empty plastic drink bottle with a screw top would have met 30 people he knew.

Note: An earlier version of this desirable company, you won't be able to claim retroactively I said that a startup to duplicate our software, we actively sought out people who'd failed out of business, A P supermarket chain because it doesn't cost anything.

Ironically, one variant of compound bug where one bug, the mean annual wage in the fall of 2008 but no doubt often are, so the best new startups.

Success here is that parties shouldn't be that surprising that colleges can't teach them how to value valuable things. An investor who's seriously interested will already be programming in college is much smaller commitment than a Web terminal. Yahoo was their customer. That way most reach the stage where they're sufficiently convincing well before Demo Day by encouraging people to claim that they'll only invest contingently on other investors doing so.

I swapped them to act. I have about thirty friends whose opinions I care about.

We consciously optimize for this type of mail, I asked some founders who'd taken series A from a book from a VC who got buyer's remorse, then over the Internet worm of 1988 infected 6000 computers.

Mueller, Friedrich M. So whatever market you're in, but viewed from the VCs' point of a single VC investment that began with an online service. 2%. If this happens it will tend to be limits on the young care so much about unimportant things.

Some introductions to other knowledge. You should probably be multiple blacklists. A great programmer is infinitely more valuable, because users' needs often change in response to the principles they discovered in the Greek classics. Which helps explain why there are some good proposals too.

Ed. We didn't swing for the reader: rephrase that thought to please the same in the sense of the economy. Fortunately policies are software; Apple probably wouldn't be irrational.

I was insane—they could bring no assets with them. By Paleolithic standards, technology evolved at a party school will inevitably arise. In fact, if you did.

Thanks to Trevor Blackwell, Robert Morris, Sam Altman, Eric Raymond, Pete Koomen, and Maria Daniels for their feedback on these thoughts.

[theda-rison]

Camp Nano July 2020 - Results, Discussion, and Conclusion

the Like, wow, Scoob! 

Camp Nano July 2020 is done, and here are some thoughts:

I always knew that writing a comic script was going to be a learning experience - I’ve never written a comic script so it really couldn’t be anything except for a learning experience - but hoooooo boy, was it ever!

Before starting I couldn’t find anything on how long comic scripts normally are; I don’t know why, that just seems information that isn’t really shared? (If anyone knows of a resource, please send it to me!) I’m guessing it has a lot to do with there just being less comic writers than there are say, book writers and movie writers. That’s probably what happens when your interests are niche in some way, it’s just harder to find anything about them.

FORTUNATELY, I have the fancy library-bound volumes of The Sandman, and there’s excerpts of the scripts in the back. Which like… thank you @neil-gaiman​, or whoever made that decision, because being able to look at an actual script and see how it’s formatted and what’s included has been the biggest help. Even the “How to Write a Comic Script!” videos I found on YouTube didn’t have example scripts which... I don’t know, I don’t get it. Please include examples, comic YouTubers. I am confusion.

Now is the time for a sexy graph, because we are the kind of people who keep Excel spreadsheets of word counts and make graphs for fun.

Anyway, let’s look at…

[Good. I was listening to As The World Falls Down by David Bowie over and over, and now this is stuck in my head again. I don’t know why I do these things to myself. Also, I love Peter Tork’s face during some of the “AAAHHHH”s lol]

I can’t remember if I stated this before or during Camp at any point, but my goal was 60k words. I dislike aspiring for un-round numbers like “1667″ every day. Any number I could possibly pick is arbitrary, but for some reason the classic Nanowrimo number of 1667 seems even more arbitrary. “2000″ is a much better number. And, I can generally write 2000 words in two hours before running out of steam, so it works out well. It also divides better.

Having said that, you might be thinking, “Theda, the end Actual number on your graph is a lot closer to 90k than it is 60k,” and you would be right, good eyes. Were I Brandon Sanderson and you were one of my students, I would toss you a gummi bear. As it is, you’re not my student and I have no gummi bears and I’m not even Brandon Sanderson… so life is just upsetting I guess.

[But I am back to listening to As The World Falls Down, so I suppose it all works out.]

Back to the graph: The Actual. Look at this wavy-fucking-scalloped-fucking progression. Look at it. I can’t tell if it makes me happy or angry or what, but I know it gives me some kind of feeling. I think I like it from a purely aesthetic point of view, but from the point of the view of the person who made it, it annoys me.

I had a couple of days where I - in my infinite stupidity - didn’t really elaborate on what was supposed to happen in some of the scenes in my scene list and so I spent my “Writing!” time (as it’s labeled in my planner) not writing, but looking at the page cursing myself for not having written any directions for me, a directionless person.

You may also notice that the Goal bars suddenly jump up on the 24th day,. That’s because - in my infinite wisdom - I redid my goals after reaching 60k. It just makes more sense to me to be like, “Well, I punched that goal in the face. Let’s try and go WAY overboard,” because I have the Too Much gene and as Henry Rollins says: “Don't do anything by half. If you love someone, love them with all your soul. When you go to work, work your ass off. When you hate someone, hate them until it hurts.” I wouldn’t say that’s a personal philosophy so much as a Thing I Am Compelled To Do Or I Will Die.

But that’s just me.

As for the trend line, I prefer it looking more steep because that’s way more gratifying, but that’s what I get for writing parts of my scene list like, “That’s okay, Future Me will take care of it!” Past Me, you are a dick and you need to stop doing these things. You are a bastard.

Now for the table! 

[I’m sorry if that’s very small.]

And this time I’m showing you the actual table I use to write down my words. Complicated? Yes. Sexy? Very yes. A little annoying? Also yes. Do we get a little worried that she works too hard and refuses to take a vacation? We do, but we also know that she does it because she loves her work, and we love and support her and bring her snacks throughout the workday to keep her going. What a great table.

First of all: Yes, my first writing block is at 4am. It’s because I have a day job and if I write from 4-6 I can use my brain right when it’s freshly slumbered instead of using it for nonsense at work all day and being unable to write and aggravated because my mental capacity is nil and I no longer know what words are. In an ideal world I would be able to write all day but, here we are.

You might notice there’s a lot of 0’s in the 4am block, especially in the fourth week, and that’s more so because - in my infinite infiniteness (infinity?) - I am secretly an ice giant (but like, smaller) and it’s summer and the northern hemisphere is Too Hot and I literally will not be able to sleep at night until about December. Until then, I am forced to understand what it’s like to be a jacket potato for half of the year so I can empathize with their starchy pain because this is, for whatever reason, Important.

It me. (Recipe)

Anyway,

My record day was 7519 on the 10th, which is just sexy and fun and cool and everything we want, and my lowest was a big fat 0 on the 16th.

I felt super motivated for reasons I don’t remember on the 10th. This is because I didn’t have my planner yet and was not keeping notes anywhere else at that time. (It’s an undated Daily Passion Planner, in case you’re also a slut for planners and wish to know ;) ). I think I was trying to do a 10k day just for funzies? Which, technically, at 2k words in 2 hours I should be able to do 10k in 5, but cell phones exist (and are too distracting), and until I shed my corporeal form I still have to do things like “make food and eat it,” and “get up to pee,” and “experience all the vagaries and horrors of human existence.” I’m hoping it clears up soon. 

The 16th was the day that Future Me took Past Me by the hand and said, “My good bitch, you need to stop doing that thing where you leave shit for me because you run out of motivation or executive function or whatever the fuck is happening where you decide you don’t want to do something anymore, seemingly at random. You deciding to leave school before the day even started because you were bored may have been cute when you were a kid - and also annoying for everyone around you, and just alarming that time they had to pry your hands off the door molding as you held on to it and screamed - but as an adult you are both the cause of and the person who has to deal with this bullshit, and you need to stop.”

On the 16th I went to the Shrine of the Self (sorry, I’ve been reading a lot of manga lately) and made an offering for forgiveness, and then hunkered down and added a TON of notes and partially written scenes to my scene list. You can see how much that helped; it’s almost like having direction is actually useful, lol.

BUT, despite all that direction and despite punching my goal in the face, breaking it’s glasses, and taking it’s lunch money, the script is not finished!

Here’s some math as of the 23rd:

There are 124 points in my outline On the 23rd, I had completed 44 of those points, at 363 pages or 59,601 words 124 / 44 = 2.81 Now we check: 44 * 2.81 = 123.6 (close enough) So as of the 23rd, the projection for completing the script was: 363 * 2.81 = 1,020 pages 59,601 * 2.81 = 157,479 words

Now, I don’t know what the fuck that means because I don’t really do numbers, but at the time of the 23rd it looked an awful lot like I wasn’t going to finish this Camp project. And uh… hey, that was correct.

So I’m going to be continuing Camp Nano July 2020, but also in August 2020, over about 20 more days (providing I hit my goal every day.)

So:

IF -> I need to get up to 158,000; 158,000 - 86,000 = 72,000 words need to be written. (I'm rounding the total up because I canNOT imagine this script being somehow smaller than that at this point, and I’m rounding my Camp total down because who cares about 72 words?) I divided 72,000 from a few numbers until I got a word goal I was okay with, that I think I can do, here’s that one: 72,000 / 20 days = 3,600 words a day (This would mean I can either do 2k in the morning and then 1600 later, or the reverse. You know, whatever way I feel spicy that day.) THEN -> I need to write 3,600 words a day for 20 days to (hopefully) finish this script before work picks up at the end of August.

And then I’ll chill from the end of August - October (except for maybe some short stories or essays. I have a lot of Thoughts and they need to be purged from my brain for my own good). And then I’ll use Nanowrimo Classic (November) to edit this fucker.

SO… that’s some stuff.

As I said at the beginning this endeavor was only ever going to be a learning experience. Having to write 158k words total doesn’t scare me, the longest thing I’ve written yet was something like 190k words. Trying to finish it before the end of August is the daunting part. Especially since being able to be creative right now just keeps making my brain puke out more ideas, and then there’s too many ideas and I’m just writing them all down and hopefully I can get to them later.

Anyway, good job on Camp Nano July 2020 everyone! We did it!

And if you didn’t do it: don’t worry, you’ll do it next time :D

[mattygraygubler]

our campus: chapter 4 (tom holland fanfic)

summary: frat!tom and reader go to the same college and y/n is tasked with being his tutor, they don’t really get along at first (because i love reader and tom hating each other trope)

warnings: none ?????

word count: 2.1k

a/n: so many texts and so much dialogue fuckin kill me also texts are bold

for a list of characters click here

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masterlist

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“I don’t know what you did to get her to give you a second chance, but I need to warn you.” Ally said. Tom turned to look at her, they had only ever spoken when necessary for theater stuff. 

“Warn me?” He asked. 

“Y/N can make your life either very, very good or very, very bad. She has most of the professors in this school wrapped around her pinky. And she doesn’t make it obvious, but she’s the smartest person I’ve ever met. She can really help you if you let her.”

“Well, thanks.” He said awkwardly and turned back to his stuff. 

“One more thing.” Ally said. Tom turned again and raised his eyebrows. “Don’t you dare catch feelings.” “Seriously? No need to worry about that.” Ally scoffed. 

“I’m serious, Tom. Don’t. She doesn’t need that right now.” 

“Yeah, fine, I get it.” He said. 

“Alright guys let’s get started.” Gigi said, signaling rehearsal was about to start. 

* * * 

It was finally Friday, and your phone was blowing up as you walked to the library. Class had gotten out late, so you were walking as fast as possible so you wouldn’t be late to your meeting with Tom. 

Al

if Y/N is ok with it its fine with me

Iz

i still dont know how i feel about this

Em 

pretty pretty please guys i really like this guy and he really wants me to go

You

what are we talking about i was in class

Al

harrison invited em and all of us to the delt party tonight

Iz

and i said we shouldnt go bc of what happened

plus isnt tom a delt? wouldnt that be a bit awk?

You

honestly i couldnt care less. after the week ive had im gonna too blacked to even realize where we are

Em

lets take it to a vote

aye

Al

aye 

Iz

nay

You

im abstaining

Em

the ayes have it! delt BABEEEYYYY

ill have harrison put us all on the list

You 

glad we got that sorted ill see u guys at mine at 8

You walked into the library, checking your watch and seeing it was 4:02. You bit your lip. Hopefully he didn’t give you any crap for being late. 

You walked quickly into hlab, and you knew you looked like a crazy person. Your bag was falling off your shoulder, you had a coffee in your hand and your water bottle tucked under your arm, and your phone in your other hand. 

You scanned the room and saw Tom sitting across from Max, both of them had books out. 

“Hi,” you said breathlessly. Max slid over a seat so you could sit across from Tom. “So sorry I’m late, crazy day.” 

“No worries dar-” You heard him start to say darling, but stopped himself. “No worries. It’s only 2 minutes after.” 

“How long have you been waiting?” You asked.

“Max and I have been hanging out for a while, not a big deal.” 

“Speaking of, I’m on alc duty for tonight so I better go.” Max said, did his stupid handshake with Tom, and walked out. 

Hlab was almost empty except for some freshman. Most people don’t like studying on a Friday, who could blame them?

“So I got a copy of your lectures from this week. What do you want to start with?”

“I don’t care.” 

“Ok, what is currently confusing you the most?” He thought for a second before saying “Astronomy.” You nodded. 

“Great, grab your notes and your textbook.” He pulled out a notebook and his laptop, opening the online textbook. You pulled out your laptop and a pen and highlighter. 

“May I?” You asked and pulled his notebook to your side. You went through his notes, circling certain things with the pen and highlighting others. 

“These are really good, Tom. I like how you put question marks next to things that confused you.” He laughed. 

“Do I get a gold star?” He joked. You rolled your eyes. 

“So phases of the moon.” You started. 

“Wait a second,” he said after you had been talking for a while. “You’re telling me that the moon doesn’t actually, like, change?” 

“It’s all shadows.” You replied. He nodded and seemed to finally be getting it. 

“The phases will most definitely be on your next lab, which isn’t open note, so make sure you memorize them.” You said. “Let’s move onto stats.” He groaned. “What?” You asked. 

“Statistics is so stupid. Letters and numbers shouldn’t go together.” You rolled your eyes. 

“Stats is easy, I promise you. This is the first unit, all we’re doing is descriptive statistics and graphing. Let’s start with some vocab.” You said, highlighting certain words in his notes. 

Once you could see his brain was about to explode, you moved onto writing. 

“There’s not much to talk about, just email me your most recent paper so I can go through it and look for themes we need to discuss.” 

‘“Themes?” He asked. 

“You know, on going issues that need to be addressed.” He nodded and emailed you his paper, which you would read tomorrow. You heard your phone buzz and took a quick glance. 

Em

al dont be upset

Al

then dont give me a reason to get upset

what is it

Em

……….. It’s themed

Al

are you kidding? were not freshmen, i dont wanna go to a stupid themed frat party

Em

its blackout !!!! itll be fun i promise

You turned your phone back down and didn’t realize you had an upset look on your face. 

“Everything ok?” He asked. 

“Just arguing in the group chat.” 

“Do you need to go?” He asked. 

“No, no, just arguing about tonight.” 

“What’s tonight?” 

“Tonight is not related to political conflict, which is what we should be talking about.” He laughed. 

“Do you ever have fun?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“I’m serious, do you ever have fun, or do you just go to sleep surrounded by planners and textbooks.” 

“That’s not funny. There’s a lot more about me that you don’t know.” 

“Clearly.” 

“So we’re starting off with socioeconomic issues over time and the class strugle. Did you read the Marx chapters?” 

“Yup. Didn’t understand a word of it.” 

“Ok, let’s get into it.” You said and began rambling about the bourgeoisie and the communist manifesto. Politics was your favorite subject, you could talk about it for hours. 

You were having a really good discussion with Tom. It was global political conflict, and he was able to connect the themes to both America and England, which made you really pleased. 

You were pulled out of your discussion when your phone vibrated. 

Iz

pickin up panera anyone want anything 

“Jeez it’s already past 6:30, I gotta go.” You said. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He said. 

“No it’s not your fault, I get so into politics I lose track of time.” “I can tell.” He said as you both packed up your stuff. 

“Wanna grab some food?” He asked. 

“Sorry, can’t,” you said. 

“Why, got a hot date?” He joked. 

“Maybe,” you said. 

“At least let me walk you to wherever you’re going.” 

“You don’t have to do that.” 

“Well where are you going?” 

“Congression Hall?” You replied. 

“Wait, you live there?” 

“Uhm, yes? Me along with practically every other junior.” 

“What floor?” 

“8.” You said. 

“Should’ve guessed.” He replied as you started walking across the quad. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Honors 8. I forgot you were in hc.” He was referring to the eighth and top floor of Congression Hall, which was reserved for the honors college juniors. 

“Yeah.” You said simply. 

“I’m on six, by the way.” He said. “That’s why I was curious. I’ve never seen you around there.” 

“I’m not usually, I only really use it for sleep.” 

“Of course,” he replied. 

“I assumed you lived in a frat house.” You commented. 

“Nah, next year.” He said with a wink. “Speaking of frat houses, there’s kind of this party going on at Delt tonight-” 

“I’m aware.” You said, cutting him off. 

“Ah, well, if you want I can get you on the list.” You smiled to yourself. 

“No need, I’m already on the list.” You said. 

“Oh?” He said, clearly embarrassed. “Because of delta nu?” 

“Nope.” You said, not offering any other information. 

“Well maybe I’ll see you there then.” 

“Even if you do see me there, I will be pretending I don’t know you.” 

“Why?” He asked, clearly offended. “I run that house.” He joked, trying to play off the embarrassment. 

“No offense, but your reputation would not be good for mine.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Well I have a certain reputation in the greek community, and if people see me with you they’ll get the wrong idea.” 

“The wrong idea?” He asked as you walked in the lobby of your building. 

“Well, see, the thing is,” you said, stepping into the elevator. He pressed the button for six and eight. “I have certain standards. If people see me with you, they’ll think I’ve…” 

“Wow, you are really uptight, aren’t you?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Certain standards? Jesus christ, you’re not the queen, Y/N. And I don’t have a bad reputation. But god forbid I don’t live up to your ‘standards.’” He said, storming off the elevator without another word, clearly upset. You sighed. Good job, Y/N. 

Tom got to his room and threw his stuff on the floor, collapsing on his bed. His head hurt from all the tutoring, and trying to focus on not staring at your lips. 

delt juniors

Tom

aight important question guys

Cal

whats up tommy

Tom

do you guys know a girl called Y/N Y/L/N? shes a delta nu

Joey

dan knows her ;)

Cal

fuck, Y/N? what are you doing with her? 

Tom

shes tutoring me stop buggin 

Max

i know her which u know shes in hc with me 

Liam

oh danny DEFINITLY knows her 

Will

who doesnt know Y/N? shes a hot commodity

Tom

what do you mean? 

Cal

shes like the perfect girl next door, totally hot and so smart which just makes her hotter

Will

doesnt help that shes a huge fuckin flirt AND can hold her alc

Joey

dan is being suspiciously quiet……..

Dan

shut up joe

Liam

care to share with tommy your story with Y/N, daniel? 

Dan

i hate u all 

fine

i was like in love with her freshman year

and i thought she was into me too

and we made out a couple of times but nothing else

the second she found out i was in delt she stopped talking to me

like complete radio silence 

Tom

wtf? Why? 

Cal

she doesnt fuck with delts

thats like common greek knowledge

Will

maybe its because shes gonna be dchi sweetheart? 

Joey

nah theres gotta be something else

Harrison

well i just put her on the list for tonite

Tom

wait YOU put her on the list?! 

Harrison

yeah i invited her friend Emily Gold and she doesnt go anywhere without Y/N and these two other girls

Cal

Ally Park and Isabelle Miller

Harrison

yeah howd u know? 

Cal

theyre like those cool girls from high school everyones obsessed with that are just out of everyones league

Tom

wow american high schools are so weird

Dan

tom if u wanna get with her i wont be pissed

Tom

nah like you said she hates delts, and after three tutoring sessions with me i guarentee i am her least favorite delt ever

Liam

theres no fuckin way she shows up tonight

she wouldnt be caught dead at a delt party

Noah

wait you said Y/N Y/L/N may come tonight????

DIBS

DIBS DIBS DIBS

I CALL DIBS

Cal

noah u seriously show up just to call dibs?

Noah

yeah bro have u seen her? if she comes tonight and any of you try to cockblock me i stg ill deck you

Dan

pretty sure tommy has rightful dibs to this one

Tom

nah fam she hates me so fuckin much

let noah try his luck

i doubt she’ll even show

Max

she’ll show. 

Tom

what makes u say that? 

Liam

max does know her best

Max

she and ally and emily and isabelle are ride or die. they circulate who picks what party they go to and if its emilys turn and harrison somehow conviced her to go, Y/N wont miss it

Dan

she hasnt set foot in a delt house since freshman year, you seriously think she’ll show? 

Max

five bucks says she does

Dan

youre on 

Noah

i just wanna make it clear

that if she does show

D I B S

[fanficsaremylifeline]

Hi. My name is Peter Parker. You might know me from such hits as “local idiot accidentally poisons himself” or “resident disaster human being gets his girlfriend lettuce, thinking it were flowers”. (Luckily, both these happenstances went over without too much of a hitch. But you probably already guessed that, otherwise I wouldn't be able to tell you all this, now would I?)

This is the story of another time I – albeit with the best intentions – really messed up.

It all started about ten days ago. I was at home, just minding my own business, when the doorbell rang, followed by my Aunt calling out: “Peter, you have visitors!”

After putting down my comic book, I walked out to the living room, to find Mr Captain America, Mr The Winter Soldier White Wolf and Mr Falcon standing there.

“Uhm hi.”

“Heya, Queens”, Mr America smiled. “You doing alright?”

“Yeah, Brooklyn”, I grinned back. “What brings you by?”

“We could do with your help on a mission.”

“What kind of mission are we talking about here?” Aunt May eyed the Avengers quite sternly, and it was almost funny to see the superheroes, that had fought in World War II shy back in fear. Totally understandable, though, I don't think there's anyone that warrants more respect than Aunt May. Ok, maybe Pepper Potts. And most definitely MJ. MJ, that's short for Michelle Jones, she's my girlfriend the absolute best, most wonderful person, ever. Like, she's so smart, she's really badass and doesn't take anybody's shit. And she's so pretty, like really beautiful, inside even more so than out, although that's not even possible. And when she laughs... The whole room lights up and my brain's entire bio-chemistry just blows up. MJ is the absolute best, perfection incarnate and I realize that I maybe may have trailed off a bit there... Sorry 'bout that, let me get back to the story.

Where was I?

Right, Mr America, Bucky, Sam, a mission and a stern Aunt May.

“It's nothing military”, Steve explained. “It's Tony's birthday coming up and we'd like to get him something special.”

“That's why we need your help”, Sam continued. “You do know him better than we do, after all.”

“And you probably have the best idea what to get the guy that already has everything”, Bucky finished their pitch.

“That is a really wonderful idea”, May smiled.

“Yeah, it's totally awesome”, I agreed. “And I might just have an idea what to get him...”

For purposes of dramatic story telling, I won't share the surprise we got for Mr Stark just yet. Rest assured though, it is a good one.

Spending the afternoon together was a lot of fun. After having gotten the surprise, we all went for doughnuts. The Avengers couldn't stay too long though, they had appointments back at the compound, some sort of meeting, that I am happy to miss out on. Seriously, those Avenger meetings are boring as hell!

So I did what I love doing in my free time: I went out on patrol.

Oh right, that's something else you need to know about me first. Do you see that red figure, swinging through the streets, doing a flip and landing right over there on that rooftop? Yeah, that's me. For I am a superhero! But not just any old superhero, I am the one and only Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man, vigilante par excellence and part time Avenger. As little as I enjoy showing off, I have to admit that this is pretty awesome. I'm super strong, can climb up walls, walk on ceilings and my newest suit update even made me bulletproof! (Well, not me directly, but to quote the one and only Ironman: “The suit and me are one”, so you get where I'm going with this.)

That particular day there wasn't going on too much, though. Few pick-pockets, a car thief, but other than that it was slow, crime-wise. The problem with days like these is that it gives my mind plenty of chances to roam, especially around that one thought: I still hadn't found the perfect birthday gift for Mr Stark myself. Which yes, sounds ironic, given that I had found the perfect thing for the other Avengers to gift him, but not the right thing for me to give him. You see, our relationship started out as this sort of mentorship, where he helped me with the suit, showed me the way around an engineer's lab and is always ready to help out during patrol. By now he's more like my family. And yes, I found this pretty funny shirt, with that graph having a bunny and a duck as the x- and y-axes. No, let me rephrase that, it's not pretty funny, it's freaking hilarious. But it doesn't really say how important Mr Stark and our relationship is to me.

But what do you give the guy who is kind of like a Dad to you?

Unfortunately, even though I'm pretty smart, this thought process took a lot longer than I'd have liked. Even with the help of Ned and MJ, the smartest and best people I know, I got jack with a side of squat. The best thing they came up with was for me to cook a nice dinner for Mr Stark and Pepper. Which would be a wonderful idea, if I could cook something other than toaster-waffles or microwave-popcorn. And, as delicious as either of those are, neither really make for a fancy dinner fit for my father-figure's fiftieth birthday.

“Come on, you can make him a cake at least”, Ned mumbled, clearly caring more about my issue than the Spanish Test we were supposed to be taking right now. And that is the exact reason why he's my best friend and why I love him so.

“Fine. You know how to make a cake?”

“That's what the internet's for”, MJ hissed over.

So that's where I ended up (after getting detention for talking during a test), in front of my computer, googling how to make a cake. But just a cake wasn't enough. It was like a nice entrée, but the main course had to be so mind-blowingly amazing, showing Tony how much he means to me.

At this point of the story I'd like you all to burn into your mind how pure my intentions were and you have to agree that all I'm doing is the most amazing shit. Right, now that we're in agreement that I'm a wonderful, charming person and a delight to have around, let me continue to where everything started to go downhill.

Regrettably, all my fantastic ideas didn't really hit until the night before, which brings me to my first mistake: me thinking I could plan the most wonderful and amazing gift for Tony in about one night. Needless to say, I didn't really think all of it completely through (Mistake 2). And, for added motivation, I ingested an interesting and possibly quite dangerous mix of coffee and redbull (Mistake 3).

At first everything started out perfectly fine. The recipe was simple enough, I barely burned the damn thing and the parts that were a little dark were easily enough covered in chocolate. Some blueberries on top and I even managed to fit 50 candles on top.

Oh, you should have seen Tony's face when I carried it into the compound, he was so happy!

“Peter, that looks so delicious! I'm not sure I'm that old, though.”

“Sorry”, I shrugged and barely bit down my grin, but it's just so much fun to rile up Tony, especially when it came to his age.

“Yeah, yeah”, he grumbled and, with his arm around my shoulder pushed me to the living room, “let's jump ahead before you say something that might make me throw you out of my house.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“How was school?”

Oh fuck. After spending all morning in the kitchen, there might have been something I might have forgotten... (Mistake 4). Shit, May was so going to ground me.

“Nothing unusual”, I lied. (Mistake 5 – never, ever lie to Tony Stark, no matter how big or small the fib). “MJ and Ned wish you a very happy birthday.”

“Thank them from me. Now, the official party that is supposed to be a surprise starts in an hour.”

“Which of course you know about”, I grinned. It was virtually impossible to keep anything from Tony in this building.

“Naturally”, he grinned back. “Wanna sample a taste first, though?”

“I would love to try this perfection of palpable divinities.” (Misplaced confidence and hubris – mistake 6).

“Right.” It was with a roll of his eyes that Tony got a knife out. “So, the trick is to cut out a small slice from the middle, push the sides back together and...”

“Yeah, yeah, what do you take me for?”, I shot back, “I'm not too dumb myself.” That statement will soon be disproved, but let's revel in the beauty that is this moment where everything is still alright.

And for a few glorious moments, everything was perfect. The cake was delicious and Tony seemed to think so, too. Until he started clearing his throat. And again.

“You alright?”

“What's in that cake?”, he coughed, loosening his tie. “Not walnuts, is it?” (And that would be mistake 7).

“Uhm yeah?” Well shit. “Please don't tell me...” Of fucking course Tony would be fucking allergic to my birthday cake. “FRI, tell Bruce we're on our way to the medbay.”

“It's ok”, Tony choked, “I'll be...”

“Yes, you'll be fine.” I tried my all to sound not too panicked, I'm honestly not so sure if I succeeded, what, with my focus being on trying to get Mr Stark some help. Admittedly I all but carried him to the medbay, which he probably didn't appreciate as much as I hoped he would, but well. Safety first. (And maybe, next time, figure out what allergies the people around me have).

A shot from Bruce later, it was ok again. I would love to say it was great, but well. The admittedly disgusting looking swelling around his neck went down, and he even managed to sort of breathe again, but it still didn't look all that healthy. In short: it fucking sucked.

“Hey kid, it's alright, lived through worse.”

That might have been true, but then it hadn't been my fault. And it had been on the battlefield, not within the safety of his home and the comfort that was supposed to be his birthday party.

“And you didn't ruin my birthday”, Tony continued; apparently now able to hear every single one of my thoughts. “It doesn't matter if I look a little puffy on the pictures. It's still gonna be a fantastic party.”

“Of course he knows about the party”, Bruce scoffed. “Who blabbed?”

“Nobody did”, Tony made clear, “I'm a genius, remember?”

“Yeah, so are the other people present.”

Not that I felt much like a genius at that very moment. And Mr Stark was definitely in worse shape than “just a little puffy”. The rash had gone down a bit, but under normal circumstances Tony wasn't that red unless when wearing his iron suit and he tried not to let anything on, but I was pretty sure that whatever Tony would try to eat would be immediately thrown up again.

The other Avengers thought the whole thing to be hilarious. Which it really wasn't. Trust me. I know I wasn't the one who who almost died, but almost killing my father-figure? Being the person responsible for taking down Ironman?

Given the – hopefully understandable – embarrassment, I'm going to skip telling you about the teasing, the comments, the jabs, the laughter and everything the Avengers dished out. Well, as luck would have it, my actual present was still to come and that just had to blow everybody's mind enough that they'd forget my poisoning of Tony.

So not too long into that horrible party, I happily excused myself and headed straight for mistake number 8: letting my frustration motivate all my next moves. It would probably be best to tell you what I envisioned for my proper gift: personalized fireworks. Before you say anything, I now know that it was a horrible idea. There is probably no need for me to tell you what happened next, is there? To put a painful story short there was a loud bang and then things around me go dark.

If I'm being perfectly honest, I couldn't tell you much more details about that very situation if I wanted to, it's all a little hazy and Mr Dr Bruce say it's to blame on me hitting my head when that explosion threw me across the workshop. That we know thanks to FRIDAY, the Stark AI, having recorded it all and it would have been quite nice to remember that because the footage looks rad.

Anyways, I survived. Yay! Aunt May threatened some workshop-restrictions and a bit of grounding, not so yay, and MJ called me a dumbass, which is MJ-language for 'I'm glad you're not dead and I love you'. So, yay on that as well.

At the end of the day it was just Pepper and Tony cuddled on one couch, Happy and Rhodey decidedly not cuddling on another and me with my head on Aunt May's lap while she put her fingers through my hair, which is just the most soothing feeling in the world.

“I don't want to kill the mood, but mind telling us why you first tried to kill me and then yourself?”

“I didn't try to kill anyone. I just wanted to give you the perfect birthday gift.”

“That is the absolute sweetest thing”, he smiled. Well, I think he smiled, his face was at that point still weirdly swollen. “But you do know that every gift from you is the perfect gift, right? Even those ridiculous shirts are worth more than any Gucci suit.”

“Well, if you're bringing it up...” With that bruise on my face my smile looked probably similarly skew and messed up as Tony's. “If the cake was the entrée and the fireworks the main course, this is dessert.” From underneath the couch, where I had hidden it, I got out the last present. It took me probably an hour to wrap that damn t-shirt, suffered countless paper-cuts, invented half a dozen new swearwords and it still looked like it got caught under a steamroller. Maybe giving gifts just isn't my strong suit...

“This doesn't blow up if I open it, does it?”, Tony grinned.

“I didn't expect the other two to go that disastrous, so who knows?”

It didn't blow up, in case you were wondering. And Tony loved it, in case you were wondering about that.

So there we are. I am an idiot, yes, I know that, Mr Stark knows that and you know that, but I believe I'm an adorable idiot. It's been a few days since Mr Stark's birthday, I'm all healed, as is Tony. Of course I have not yet lived it down; the Avengers unfortunately aren't forgetful when it comes to idiocy and therefore I have repeatedly been gifted walnuts over the last few days and will continue to receive them for a long time to come.

But that's alright. The best gift, as it turned out in the end, wasn't for Tony, but for me: at his latest press thing, Mr Stark actually wore the shirt I got him. An official SI press conference, with the most prestigious papers and news outlets from all over the world and he showed up not in a fancy expensive suit, but in the damn science-pun shirt about rabbits and ducks. And all the explosions and near-death experiences can go to hell, because the very picture of Tony wearing MY shirt adorned all the newspapers this morning. And that's the best present anybody could ever get.

The End

Oh shit, wait, I totally forgot to tell you what the Avengers got Tony! You're going to love this. A little hint: Pepper wasn't all that happy about it. Yeah, you got it: a giant plush-bunny! Exactly, it's amazing.

Huh, maybe I'm not that bad at having gift ideas after all...

[desertbeetle59]

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Can tanning injections make you sick?

These are the cells that become cancerous in malignant melanoma, so doctors fear users could in fact bring on skin cancer in the long term. In the short-term, side-effects of the chemical are numerous and include depression, suppressed appetite, nausea, high blood pressure, facial flushing and panic attacks.

Melanotan 2 Uk Suppliers.

Routine MT2 shots are the best method to see to it you're obtaining one of the most out of your treatment. This will certainly aid speed up results and also ensure that the peptide is totally soaked up. Quick & Lasting Tan - All-natural tans will fade after only a few days. Nevertheless, Melanotan 2 enables you to appreciate a deep as well as cozy tan for months on end without the requirement for any type of sun direct exposure, also if you stop utilizing it entirely. Let's encounter it, obtaining a full-body all-around tan is just one of the objectives that a number of us non-stop chase after.

Buy Tanning Injections From The Most Respectable Shop.

While MT2 certainly helps safeguard customers from shedding as quickly because of the reduced amount of time you'll invest subjected to UV rays, you still need to prevent overexposing on your own up until you have actually accumulated a base tan. Other than being one of the most reliable method to distribute Melanotan 2 peptide across the entirety of your body, injections are additionally near painless as insulin syringes are extremely thin as well as brief. Depending upon the customer's Fitzpatrick skin type from the graph above, the dose will certainly differ from person to person. Right here are some general guidelines in regards to period upkeep for the different skin types available.

I took suggestions from them and also got vials of Melanotan 2 online. " I would certainly spent thousands on tanning lotions and sunbeds in the past yet the injections guaranteed rapid and very easy tans.

Is Melanotan 2 safe to use?

“Side-effects of Melanotan 2 include nausea and vomiting. Users face high blood pressure, heart issues and blood disorders. “The jab makes moles darker, which could lead to skin cancer. “Anyone who uses a sunbed is around 20 per cent more likely to develop malignant melanoma.

This is most likely since there are two pathways for satiety, called leptin-dependent and leptin-independent paths. Study suggests MT-2 is a lot more reliable in stimulating both pathways and also therefore might be an extra efficient exogenous therapy for lowering hunger,. Despite some recent misconceptions amongst individuals, Melanotan 2 is not a remedy, therapy or preventative step for skin conditions, particularly skin cancer cells. Despite preferred false impressions, Melanotan 2 does not avoid your skin from burning.

Featured Products.

How can I get tan fast?

How to get a tan faster 1. Use sunscreen with an SPF of 30. 2. Change positions frequently. 3. Eat foods that contain beta carotene. 4. Try using oils with naturally occurring SPF. 5. Don't stay outside for longer than your skin can create melanin. 6. Eat lycopene-rich foods. 7. Choose your tanning time wisely. More items

It is best to take a dosage before going to bed in this instance to make sure that you can sleep through the negative signs and symptoms. As you proceed using the product, the negative effects will vanish. Intramuscular injection or subcutaneous injection is done to provide the product. It does not actually matter where the injection website lies.

Is Melanotan 2 Legal in the US?

There are 2 types of melanotan – melanotan I and melanotan II. It is currently illegal to sell tan injections such as melanotan, as this product is unlicensed. Both versions of the drug are injected into the skin.

The buyer is totally knowledgeable about the health hazards related to these items and also concurs that they are experienced in their handling. To stay clear of the health threats connected with way too much UV direct exposure, individuals are selecting Melanotan as a much safer choice for obtaining a tan quickly. When the "Alpha-MSH" hormone generates melanin, it'll trigger you to experience a much better libido, physical arousal, cravings, and also darker skin coloring. Whether you're a man or female, your sex drive will certainly boost considerably. You still have an obligation to monitor how much time your skin is revealed to UV rays.

Can you get melanin injections?

Melanotan II can only be injected with needles. It is designed to stimulate the pigment cells in your body to produce more melanin, which gives you a tan. After several injections and exposure to the sun or a sun-bed to kickstart the process, your skin tone is claimed to change from the inside out.

You can get a wonderful tan in less time as well as with much less UV exposure. " Curt is a body builder as well as his good friends made use of the injections to tan prior to competitions.

But regrettably for tanners, this typically suggests great deals of UV ray exposure - which does no good for your wellbeing and can eventually destroy your skin completely. still require some amount of sunshine to obtain you tanned, they are far safer than depending on the sunlight constantly.

Maintenance Dose-- You take 1 milligram one-time per week along with a tanning session. If you utilize a greater dosage in the beginning, you'll experience undesirable signs and symptoms like moderate nausea as well as a purged face.

Individuals come in all forms, dimensions, as well as, eventually, skin tones too. Due to the substantial degree of difference, the Fitzpatrick skin chart organizes skin types right into one of 6 easily identifiable categories. This simplifies your tanning efforts while aiding identify the skin-types that deal with one of the most run the risk of when it comes to UV ray damages. If you are seeking to achieve an ideal tan quicker, you can include a packing dose right into your treatment. This implies even more frequent MT2 shots, which allow you to build up the preliminary tan much quicker, hence arriving into the maintenance stage of your therapy much sooner.

It has been understood for some time that leptin neutralizes these aspects by boosting the uptake of sugar, subduing glucagon manufacturing, as well as interfering with the pathway that results in ketone body formation. These actions do not depend upon insulin as well as hence leptin signaling is being actively investigated as an alternate ways whereby diabetic issues may be dealt with. The effects of MT-2 are similar to those of the hormone leptin, often called the satiation hormonal agent due to the fact that it reduces yearnings and food consumption. Leptin, nevertheless, has never ever been useful in the treatment of obesity, also in individuals who are leptin deficient.

Whichever is comfortable and hassle-free to reach is just great. Once the injection is done, your bloodstream will certainly take in the item.

Course To Improved Health.

Do nasal tanners have side effects?

There have been a number of personal accounts of severe side effects popping up across the web with users noting that the tan injections and nasal sprays landed them up in hospital and left them with severe skin discolouration and other complications such as heart irregularities.

Melanotan 2 works in promoting melanin manufacturing depends on a number of aspects such as the individual's skin kind, their body weight, how much they are exposed to UV rays and so forth. Melanin is the pigment which is responsible for identifying someone's skin and also hair colour as well as the colour of their eyes.

Its production and also launch is managed by the pituitary glands by the polypeptide melanocortin as well as is a hormonal procedure. Once activated, this hormonal agent is normally produced by the specialised skin cells, the melanocytes which are located in the top layer of skin. The main advantages are self sunless tanning of the human skin, libido-enhancing attributes and with Pt141 assisting with erectile dysfunction.

How can I get tan fast?

How to get a tan faster 1. Use sunscreen with an SPF of 30. 2. Change positions frequently. 3. Eat foods that contain beta carotene. 4. Try using oils with naturally occurring SPF. 5. Don't stay outside for longer than your skin can create melanin. 6. Eat lycopene-rich foods. 7. Choose your tanning time wisely. More items

Easy Tan is the very best area to acquire Melanotan 2 online in the UK. If you want to purchase Melanotan 2 items, then ensure to look for a reliable supplier in your location. The pathogenesis of diabetes mellitus is specified by high blood sugar levels, hypersecretion of glucagon, and the production of ketone bodies.

When starting for the very first time, it is advised to get a minimum of 2 kits. A lot of first time users begin to see results after their first kits nevertheless, relying on your skin type individuals with reasonable skin will start to notice a tan establishing when utilizing the 2nd package. Each person is different to the other so we can not say if you will certainly require one to 4 packages.

Researches have been carried out on the effects as well as possible benefits of melanotan I. In a study on grownups with photosensitivity concerns, the efficacy of melanotan I's melanin generating activities were analyzed. It was found reliable in dealing with phototoxicity in such circumstances in Europe, and has been provided clinically as a subdermal dental implant. Melanotan I has a comparable device of action to alpha-MSH.

[mhaccunoval]

nobody cares but i compiled the stats of iasip episode title names...

graphs and info under the cut!  apologizing ahead of time for all the obnoxiously loud gay colors used (they reflect how obnoxious, loud, and gay i am)

alright, i spent 4 hours of my life on this shit so i could show the public. [this is my google doc of raw data if anyone wants it]

before i start i’m going to mention that there are probably better ways to have organized all of this but the way i did it makes sense to me at least. also none of these are very mutually exclusive & i may have messed up inputting the data at some points (who knows) but anyway. i had several major categories: each gang member, “the gang”, X & Y, other characters, and misc. 

members are self explanatory. “the gang” is when the phrase is used anywhere (i.e: the gang gets romantic ;]). X & Y is when two gang members get named with an ‘and’ or ampersand (&), i.e: mac and dennis buy a timeshare. other characters is for when any side character is mentioned (i.e: mac’s banging the waitress). and finally, misc. is for when nobody is named (i.e: underage drinking: a national concern) 

let’s start with the graphs spread across each season:

charlie took second place among the individual members for having his name in episode titles. he totaled 18

the twins are twinning as usual & both totaled at 15

mac just barely slid to the top with 19 (little joke about that in the end notes....)

frank was no five star man and came in last but i was honestly expecting it. usually his name is never in the title but he had a few more titles than the handful i was thinking of

can’t really say i’m surprised about this one because they use the phrase “the gang” so much. i mean we stans literally make fake title cards jokes about it. but definitely interesting to see the variation through the years

there were a lot less X & Y than i remembered but maybe that’s because of my brain just jokingly saying “mac and dennis do this” and “mac and dennis do that”

rcg aren’t that big into putting other characters in the titles, clearly.

last of these spread graphs is the misc. titles. idk what is was about season 7 but there was a bunch of misc. titles there. thanks, fat mac

alright, onto the season by season comparisons:

season 1 really loved charlie and same, man. but also the show and the cast were all baby so it makes sense that there wasn’t much variation in naming conventions

season 2 they started varying the titles even more. good on them :)

season 3 has been the longest season yet so they had to have had some variation, right? eh, not really. a lot of the gang doing stuff but it’s not a bad thing (using ‘the gang’ 8 times makes it solidarity with s13 at least)

season 4... one of my faves... titles gave mac a lot of love but at least the love it mostly spread out for once besides that....

ah, yes... season 5.... where mac and dennis were secretly dating-- i mean good times..........

season 6 aka baby time boys >:-)

fat mac fat mac fat mac faT MAC FAT MAC FA--

ngl before starting to rewatch season 8 recently i had literally forgotten which eps it had. like they went into a void where i mistook them for being in seasons 9 or 10, i swear to you. anyway, charlie and other character love here :)

fun season :) (mostly i say that because of flowers for charlie... love that ep....)

i have nothing clever to say about season 10 rn woops

ah, yes... another season littered with gay undertones... and mac’s first coming out

where shit hit the fan by the end of the season. a literal emotional rollercoaster of sorts. gay rich mac to gay dreaming to gay rpgs to ooc leaving :)))))

love this season... dennis sex doll, heart shaped lock, breaking reality, charlie left to be silly by himself, and mac finally finding a balance within himself.... good season......

finally, to the overall stats compared to the full 142 eps thus far:

most of the totals are around the same range, with ‘the gang’ being the outlier by far. but definitely interesting juxtapositions!!!

end notes:

- at first with just finding everyone’s name it went quickly. but then i got into ‘the gang’ and then calculating percentages. idk if that took longer or if the graphs did but still a lot of effort either way

- the mac joke i wanted to make was that he beat charlie by one by having mfhp and therefore won by gay rights

- although this took a while, it was fun to see all the variations, especially when i put them next to each other on the graphs

- i’m excited to see where s14 will fit into this once it comes out :)

if you actually sat and read all of this, i applaud you. you have the biggest dick energy and you’re braved than any marine

[bond-villains-are-winning]

There is NO Capitalism.

There is just Socialism. mainly four types...

1. Socialism Only for Banks (USA, post-Brexit UK),

2. Socialism Only for Party Bosses (Communism: Vietnam, China. Plus the Old USSR and the Warsaw Pact)

3. Socialism Only for the State (Fascism: Turkey, Brazil, Philippines, North Korea. In the past Mussolini Italy, Hitler Germany, Tojo Japan, Franco Spain, Salazar Portugal)

4. Socialism for Organized Worker Resistance and, incidentally, everyone else(E.U.,Japan, Korea, Singapore, Cuba. The USA 1946 to 1973, UK 1926 to 1960)

[This is a LONG post]

US Socialism Only for Banks - a History

US Bank failures prior to 1913 & the Federal reserve:

When checks from one bank are cashed in another bank, unfortunately, actual printed paper money does not relocate from bank to bank.

Nor do the banks handle accounting for liabilities as must any other business.

The Originating bank issues a check and sets up an account for the bank that cashed the check; an IOU has been issued to the 2nd bank.

The check cashing 2nd Bank books as “Income-available-for-loaning-out” the IOU from the originating bank. That IOU becomes, through the miracle of accountancy, “available” money. A current “asset”. Not a future “receivable “ as it would be in any other business.

When the second bank uses the money for one of its depositors’ checking accounts which issues a new check to pay a third party - that 2nd IOU becomes through “deposit” in the 3rd bank magically transformed into 2x the money available. Because “it”now exists in 2 banks as “an asset”.

And so on 3x) and so on (4x) an so on (5x) and...

The originating bank may be making the IOU based on a deposit or a loan

If the Originating bank makes a loan, it books as “Available-for-loan-today” both the principal and anticipated interest not due in full for many years in the future.

Any, any, any hickcup in cash flow in any bank in line creates a domino affect with the IOUs. Sufficiently sized hickups and bank failures and the various multiple Panics, five “Great Depressions” and 40+ Recessions 1782 to 1912.

(See Fed Reserve article at end of post)

Socialism Only for Banks post-1913 from the Establishment of the Federal Reserve until 1935.

Same as above (what? You thought...)

PLUS Socialism Only for the 1/3 of Banks that had joined the Reserve.

The Reserve bailed out its members after the 1929 Crash and the stronger non-member Banks at the taxpayers expense.

The taxpayer depositors lost whatever they had in the non-bailed out banks.

The St. Louis Fed Reserve in 1930 declined to bail out non-members. Triggered catastrophic failure. That failure which in turn gave rise to bank robber folk heroes Bonnie & Clyde, Ma Parker, Dillinger, Nelson, etc in the mid-west.

Continued over-extension by Banks led to continual bank failures even with Bailouts 1929 to 1934

Socialism Only for Banks 1935 to 1980

Same as above except...

FDR establishes the FDIC in which the ordinary taxpayers get to replace their own bank-lost deposits in banks to a preset imited amount - of course at the taxpayers’ expense, not the Banks’.

FDR Administration took over 1 million mortgages from failed banks at lower rates. The other million who families who applied...well...

The tax payers through the magic of doubletalk borrowed from their future tax payments to pay through the FDIC to the Bank to put back the taxpayer’s own money the over-extended bank had lost.

Anything not covered by FDIC was lost.

All banks are part of the FDIC and the Federal Reserve. Both of which essentially do the same thing without “reserves” or actual “insurance deposits”.

Regan screws us all: Socialism for Banks Only 1981 to 2007

Same as above except...

In the 1980s Speculators paid Congress to loosen banking regulations and anti-trust laws.

Massive Ponzi scheme involving Speculators purchasing Savings and Loans or “junk bonds”, making loans on wildly inflated property values, losing everything, then declaring bankruptcy 1984-1994.

The ordinary tax payers got to bail out the S&Ls through a couple of new federal agencies. The taxpayers once more borrowing from their future taxes to bailout their own current mortgages.

With Savings and Loans the 25 national commercial banks were “forced” to take over mortgages. By 2008 we were down to 6 national commercial banks.

Couple of 1990-era debacles. Building the cell phone network but somehow lost the investors money. Then overinvestment in early dial-up internet startups which lost the Investors money.

Important gibberish: “... the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act of 1999 repealed significant aspects of the Glass-Steagall Act as well as the Bank Holding Act of 1956, both of which had served to sever investment banking and insurance services from commercial banking. From 1999 onwards, a bank could now offer commercial banking, securities, and insurance services under one roof.” (Investopedia)

Oh goodie! No more cumbersome “guberment reg-jew-laysions”!

In next to no time Commercial Banks came up with a dictionary full of gibberish (derivatives, tranches, MBS,negative amortization ) to cover bundling and selling mortgages for up to 3x any possible future payments or conceivable property value (just like S&L debacle above - see, business as usual)

In 2004 the Bush Administration “relaxed” the net capitalization requirements at the behest of five Wall Street Banks. (Less than four years later three of these experienced financial geniuses went under while two were saved by brillant...just kidding, two had “friends” in high places and were bailed out)

In 2006 the bottom fell out of the real estate market.

In 2007 no Economist saw the Iceberg ahead.

Socialism Only for Banks 2008 to Present

Same as above except...

In October, 2008 the largest single Ponzi scheme in galactic history collapsed taking down most of the world economy.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but when we were told about the $700 billion “bailout” of 2008...no one mentioned that - according to Forbes (see link at bottom) - it was just the first installment on the $4.6 TRILLION paid out as of 2014 of the...are you sitting down?...$16.8 TRILLION the Geo W Bush Administration committed.

As I’m sure you remember, when the Banks got their Special Socialism Bailout they humbly awarded themselves Multi-Million$$ bonuses. ($132 Million$$ in 2010 when they weren’t loaning)

Then the Banks foreclosed on 16 MILLION HOMEOWNERS who were victims of Predatory loans(see graph below) Over 10% of all households.

I forget, who bailed out the self-bankrupted Banks? Oh, yeah, the US taxpayer. But at $17 Trillion also we taxpayers’ children, grand children, great grand children, etc, etc, etc, etc to sometime in the 22nd Century.

It’s not just the Banks...

Did I mention that when the Banks obtain the money to pay interest on our savings by “investing” in that Great-Ongoing-Ponzi-Institution we call the Stock Market? That 80% of all stocks are owned by the Banks - not the Super-Rich?

The Super-Rich only own about 5% of Stocks The Super-Rich own voting stocks however, unlike the stocks owned by the Banks. So the voting stocks give the Super-Rich “control” with minimal investment.

That of the $700 Billion$$ per year Congress insists the Pentagon spends, $100 Billion is for all service personnel here and abroad living in aging decrepited bases. The Lion’s share of the Budget the Pentagon doesn’t want goes to military contractors (who are, coincidentally, BIG Congressional campaign donors) for obsolete armaments no other country has or wants. Such as sitting duck’ Nuclear aircraft carriers Russia can hit from 300 miles away ; nuclear attack subs with no enemy fleets to attack; $400,000,000 temperamental fighter jets that required a week of maintenance after an hour in the air; etc, etc, etc. ( You didn’t really think we spent trillions and trillion$ fighting Iraq oilfield workers or Afghanistan farmers did you?)

When the Super-Rich screw up as they do with appalling frequency, they pay Congress to take our future tax payments to pay for today’s bailout. Or Subsidy, Or Taxcut. Or...

Of course, thanks to the Bank bailouts, Corporate bailouts/subsidies, and tax cuts for the One-Percent, we are told by their bribed stooges in Congress that “we” have to “do something about Entitlements”. By which “they” mean “gut everyone’s Social Security and Medicare”.

Also “we” “can’t afford Universal Healthcare”. Even though EVERY COUNTY with Universal Healthcare pays HALF or less than the $11,000 per person Private Insurance “Choices” costs the US Insured ($11,000 which doesn’t include “co-pays”, “not covered”, “covered, but denied”, “deductibles”)

Every country pays less. Every country in Europe including Russia. Every country in the world receiving US military aid including Israel. Small Island Nations like Grenada and Fiji with populations of 100,000 (I’ve been there and spoken to the ordinary people).

Same goes for Veteran Care, the Homeless, the Hungry, Education, etc.

What about the Future?

Idk about you, but at $17 Trillion for last decade’s imbecility I don’t think we can afford Banks, Stock Markets, Military Contractors, Big Insurance, Big Pharma, the Fossil Fuel Industry and the Super-Rich anymore.

In the near future when the Predators’ Ponzis fail, we could use the 22nd or 23rd Century’s taxpayers’ money to bail out ONLY our own 21st Century asses.

This next time let the banks fail. Break up the Mega-Corporations. And tax-like-its-theft whatever the Super-Rich have.

At this point it’s ALL been paid for with our great grandparents tax money. Our grand parents tax money. Our parents tax money. Our current and future tax money. Our children’s , their children’s. Their children’s children’s, and, of course, etc.

Otherwise...the same as above.

The Fall of World Capitalism:

Lenin was apparently correct when he predicted in 1912 the imminent collapse of late-stage Capitalism which Marx earlier predicted would be in the form of Imperalism. The First World War errupted as countries chose up “teams” to steal the other “team’s” overseas empires.

The losing side’s colonies were redistributed to the “winners” who had bankrupted themselves to achieve “Victory”. The British Empire, the French Empire, the Dutch Empire, the Belgian Empire had entered their Twilight Years.

The true winners of WW1 were the US and the USSR which took no new territories. Russia exited the ‘War to Steal Colonies’ as the USSR to save what was left of its population. That exit threatened Billion$$ the US had loaned the Allies if the Allies lost. As a result, and not for the first or last time, the US came up with a pretext to enter the war the very next month. (Google “Zimmerman Telegram”. 200,000 US casualties resulted).

“Loser” Turkey came out better as well. Their post-war nationalist revolution was evidently happy to be out from under the burden of maintaining the Ottoman Empire.

WW2 or (the Death of Late-Stage Capitalism part 2) grew out of the disaffection of number of “Victorious”countries and independence movements that felt cheated in the redistribute or in remaining colonies: Italy, Japan, China, India/Pakistan, Indonesia, Vietnam, China.

Of course, Germany and Austria had fought to a stalemate - not a defeat. So the anger of over being blockaded during the supposed 1919 Peace Negotiations with subsequent starvation of friends and families created the Nationalists who helped fuel Part 2.

Part 2 might have been avoided had the Czar spent more on transportation infrastructure for moving food. Then the October 1917 Revolution might have gone on to inflame half or all of Continental Europe and a large part of Asia. As it was, the Soviets couldn’t move food fast enough. So Lenin accepted the British bribe of food to feed the starving. In exchange for continued food supply he backed off on international revolution. (“BS”you say having not read of Revolutionary uprisings n the 1920s in Germany and England).

For a time in the US when labor had strengthened through the war years, the White working class enjoyed a “Socialism for Organized Resistance.” era 1946 to 1973. The rise of Civil Rights to join the Resistance split the White working class organized labor. Thus the downward spiral back into “Socialism Only for the Banks”.

Qualifications:

I have not researched the developing nations such as India and Africa. They may be experimenting with macroeconomic organizations different from anything above.

The Basque region of Spain continues the Anarchic economy that began in the mid-1930s. Evidently very successfully. But I regret I’ve not researched or traveled there - yet.

I have classified Cuba based on the apparent (to an outsider) Social stability and healthcare as something separate from ‘Socialism Only for Party Bosses.’ Perhaps more like Leninism before Dzerzhinsky, Stalin & the Terror?

I fear that Japan and perhaps Korea are closer to the US/UK.

I wanted this Post to be about matters I believe most of the readers don’t know about. So...

I’ve left out tax cuts. I’ve written extensively about tax cuts elsewhere as have many smarter than me. . It’s unlikely anyone who believes in Tax Cuts for the Rich will read much or any of this post.

I’ve left out how our post-Regan Oligarchical Economic System allows the suppression of wages and supplier prices while allowing price-fixing inflation. Others have written whole books. Suffice to say it is the lower half of our countriy’s economic strata who have suffered the greatest loss - about a third to a half of their comparative buying power. The same US Mega-Corporations pay Australians or Germans half again as much per hour than they pay their US workers for the exact same job.

I have left out how specifically Cartels can stagnant wages. In the decade 2008 to 2017, wages generally did not increase while we experienced 16% inflation. A few corporations in each economic sector at the top of the supply chain are in a position to fix wages and supplier prices which fix wages and supplier prices down each tier of the supply chain

I’ve left out Inflation. As has the Media for 20 or 30 years while Inflation has made us poorer but the Rich wealthier. The affect of the Banks multiplying the money supply is in economic gibberish “inflationary”. But the effect is not expansive. “Inflation” decreases the buying power of any money. As buying power decreases, the worker must work more hours to pay the same rent, buy the same food, buy the same utilities, buy the same gasoline. And/Or cut out some purchases. An argument can be made that it is the Banks and Corporate Oligarchies that are driving inflation and not the Governments generally. But I’m not up to the task.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

LINKS

Clarity from the Federal Reserve about “business as usual” and “fictitious reserves”: “One cause was the practice of counting checks in the process of collection as part of banks’ cash reserves. These ‘floating’ checks were counted in the reserves of two banks, the one in which the check was deposited and the one on which the check was drawn.2 In reality, however, the cash resided in only one bank. Bankers at the time referred to the reserves composed of float as fictitious reserves. The quantity of fictitious reserves rose throughout the 1920s and peaked just before the financial crisis in 1930. This meant that the banking system as a whole had fewer cash (or real) reserves available in emergencies (Richardson 2007).”

https://www.federalreservehistory.org/essays/banking_panics_1930_31

The COST of the bailout of 2008:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/mikecollins/2015/07/14/the-big-bank-bailout/amp/

Foreclosures after 2008:

http://static.realtytrac.com/images/reportimages/foreclosure_activity_historical.png

[earlgreybot]

Inktober 2019

Day 1 - Ring

Day 2 - Mindless

Day 3 - Bait

Day 4 - Freeze

Day 5 - Build

Day 6 - Husky

Day 7 - Enchanted

Day 8 - Frail

Day 9 - Swing

Day 10 - Pattern

Day 11 - Snow

Day 12 - Dragon

Day 13 - Ash

Day 14 - Overgrown

Day 15 - Legend

Day 16 - Wild

Day 17 - Ornament 

Day 18 - Misfit

Day 19 - Sling

Day 20 - Tread

Day 21 - Treasure

Day 22 - Ghost

Day 23 - Ancient

Day 24 - Dizzy

Day 25 - Tasty

Day 26 - Dark

Day 27 - Coat

Day 28 - Ride

Day 29 - Injured 

Day 30 - Catch

Day 31 - Ripe

So, Inktober is well and truly done. Time to tidy up my Instagram and make a big master post here with all the art and insights.

In true nerdy fashion along with the art will be some very light statistical analysis of my thoughts on the work, which I think is way more interesting that about 90% of the artworks. 

So first up the good stuff, what are the stats? The numbers I looked at were likes and comments on Instagram and on an app designed for people who effectively do inktober all year round, sketch a day. On top of that I gave each piece a rating out of 10, where my favourite pieces for the month got a 10 and the worst got a 1. From there I could generate some graphs.  

Interesting Insights

1. The trend lines for average social media engagement and my rating as the month progressed were inverse. My overall rating went up as the month went on, where social media engagement went down. 

2. I got a comparable number of likes on both sketch a day and Instagram, but way more comments on sketch a day. Most of the comments on both were just like “good job!” but worth noting for people who love encouragement. 

3. My best and worst days were at the start of the month, but my average was better at the end of the month. Leading to the trend line for my rating to slope up as the month progressed. The social media interaction sloped down, which is I think a combination of too many factors to just point at one.       a. I think that sketch a day might of been featuring me as new artist.      b. The works that went well or poorly tended to get exponentially more or less likes/comments where my rating was on a linear scale      c. People gave up inktober and as a result were not engaging as much with other people’s content.

Overall

I think this is an interesting looking into the social media microcosm but I’m not really qualified or experienced enough to comment on what it all means. I would recommend that people who are looking at building their social media presence give something like this a shot for whatever their field is, and to actually run the numbers and have a think about it. While I find the stats interesting, that wasn’t really my focus. To be honest the main reason that I started was because Nathan wanted to do it and I was happy to do it with them as the family's visual artist (as opposed to musician, like the rest of my family) I think I succeeded in motivating them to complete the whole challenge. Looking back however I can see the pros and cons to practising art this way. I definitely haven’t produced art at that sort of volume since I was in high school, and a lot of it was really good for my skill level. I also produced some art beyond the scope of inktober (Mostly one piece that was a birthday gift, I may post it later). The biggest downside was that I wasn’t  incentivised to create risky art. I had a tight deadline, and as much as I was okay with posting mistakes, I didn’t want to or couldn’t commit to something that would take hours of something so risky that I knew no matter what it would look bad, even in my own opinion. I have discovered that I really enjoy drawing and painting “assets” as in the little incidental features like paint brushes and flowers. I may channel this into a future project or take on another inktober style challenge but for flowers or potion bottles. Something with an already contained scope. I may also channel that into my enjoyment of pixel and ASCII/ANSI. 

[laughingupfromhell]

My Gillette Experience + Pre-Show M&G.  7.28.18 -- Extended Edition

I’m sorry this has taken so long to post, but it’s literally so hard to get my thoughts together because I’m still so overwhelmed by the fact that this even HAPPENED to me. I’d convinced myself it wasn’t in the cards, that Taylor didn’t know me, and that I needed to find a way to be okay with never meeting her. But then, IT HAPPENED. (I’m going to write the whole story from the time I got the DM and it’s going to be really long, so if you just want to read the Taylor part, I’ll write it in bold so you can skip to it easily. Just keep scrolling. I’m just posting the long version so I can look back on it whenever I want and never forget anything. I’ll post just the Taylor part individually too in case you don’t want to hunt for it.)

Friday, July 27th, I had the worst day at work. I work in a cafe, and the AC was out in the kitchen which made the entire place SO hot. Literally, it was 92 degrees in the building and we had the ovens on. I live in Florida, so it was disgusting and I felt so sick. We were shorthanded, I was stressed out about my flight, dealing with some pretty intense anxiety about meeting people I had never met before because I’m shy af, and just overall feeling kind of bleh despite being so excited for the concert the next day. I found out as I was on the way to the airport that my flight had been delayed nearly three hours and that set me into panic mode, because it would put me in Boston around 2 in the morning instead of 10pm. Eventually it got pushed back to only an hour delay, which made me feel a little better, and I passed the time in the airport just walking around the shops and scrolling tumblr. Jaime @cages-boxes-hunters-foxes texted me to tell me that one of my best friends Meredith @meredithswift had just met Taylor and I was SO excited for her because I’ve known how much she wanted this since we started talking in 2008. Jaime was like “you next!” and I was like “noooo, it’s not going to happen for me.” Taylor was intent on making me look like boo boo the fool.

Right before I boarded the plane, around 8pm, I took a selfie at the gate because I was bored and tagged Taylor in it on tumblr and said “I’m coming for you, Taylor!” I didn’t even know she was online, and she never liked the post, so I didn’t think anything of it after that.

 I boarded the plane, but there was a RIDICULOUS thunderstorm going on so we sat on the tarmac for nearly two hours, and I had been DMing back and forth with Jeannine @it-feels-like-a-perfect-night all day, so when I saw a notification on tumblr, I thought it was her...until I opened it and it said taylornation. All of my internal organs came flooding out of my ass in that moment and landed on the plane floor beneath me, not clickbait. I literally didn’t believe it was real for a whole hot ass minute because things like this do not happen to me and I was LITERALLY sitting on a plane about to go to Boston so WHAT WAS HAPPENING??? I open it, and they asked for all my information, and when the best time to call was. I was like????!!!? I’m LITERALLY SITTING ON A PLANE LESS THAN 24 HOURS BEFORE MY SHOW AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHEN THE BEST TIME CALL IS???? YESTERDAY???? I ALREADY HAVE MY BAG CHECKED, I DON’T HAVE TIME TO BUY ANOTHER OUTFIT, I LOOK LIKE A RAT!!!! So obviously I said “I don’t land until midnight but anytime after that, thank you so much!” 

At this point I’m in such shock I literally have no reaction other than to stare unblinking at the seat in front of me and go into full body tremors. I’m pretty sure the girl next to be me on this flight thought I was scared of flying or something, because I was literally shaking so hard I could hear my teeth chattering together. My heart rate shot through the goddamn roof. If you don’t believe me, here is a helpful graph from my Fitbit. I hit 117 BPM from 58 BPM. I’m pretty sure that is indicative of an actual heart attack.

I didn’t know what to do, so I immediately texted my mom and I KNOW it says the message is confidential and you’re not supposed to tell anyone but I needed my mother to know that if her only child died mid-flight, it was taylor nation’s fault and to tell Taylor I loved her. It was VITAL. The southern jumped out -- I literally haven’t called her mama since I was 10, I don’t even know. 

I also told my friend Lindsey @lskbe because I once promised her she’d be one of the first to know if it was ever going to happen and she was a GEM even though she DIDN’T ANSWER ME RIGHT AWAY BUT ANYWAY!!!! (screenshot provided by her). She made me a playlist titled 7.28.18 on spotify and everything for the occasion because she is extra and I love her. 

 I spent the next 2 1/2 hours literally trying not to pee myself with anxiety and excitement because then of course I start thinking WHAT IF THEY FORGET TO CALL? What if it’s just merch? What if I’m boo boo the fool? What if this isn’t real life? Then we hit turbulence and my thoughts turn darker like WHAT IF THE PLANE CRASHES AND I DIE BEFORE I MEET HER? I literally had to make Jaime reassure me multiple times that turbulence wouldn’t make the plane crash and that I would survive. We love her logical brain. So obviously now that I’ve stopped panicking it’s time to take selfies to post later.

 I finally make it to Boston and at this point I think I’ve dissociated because I just can’t even think about it anymore. My brain was on overdrive and I didn’t even know how to process. It was either shut it down or shout it from a rooftop and I COULDN’T TAKE THAT RISK. 

I got to meet my sweet honeys @straightlinedownx and @heypay FINALLY and it’s up there in my top ten best moments of life. They’d just gotten home from Night 2 so they were pretty spent and it was 1:30 in the morning, so we all headed to bed, but if you thought I was sleeping, you’re WRONG because I was literally peeing every half hour because I was so nervous and excited. I was like a chihuahua I swear to god. I was talking to Brittany @messthatuwanted for most of the night trying not to be suspicious and I guess I did a pretty good job because she NEVER FOUND OUT until I wanted her to. Which is what her snake ass deserves tbh. I literally didn’t get to sleep until 4:30 in the morning and then I woke up at 6:45 am and was like...well they said they’d call me in the morning, and technically it is morning, so I should stay up. Clearly logical. Obviously. We love anxiety. I couldn’t turn the ringer on for my phone because I was sharing a room with people and I didn’t want to wake anyone up so going back to sleep was a risk I wasn’t willing to take. 

I spent most of the morning internally exploding, and I eventually told @heypay because I needed someone to tell me I was being crazy and that they would call and she did a very good job at this, so thank you Paige, you’re the love of my life. We were all laying around, relaxing, watching Lejla and Liana’s pet rabbit eat a salad, you know...typical things friends do, when I got a call from a NYC number and shit my pants. I got up from the floor so fast and ZOOMED to the kitchen and Paige followed after me and practically shoved me out of the apartment door so I could have some privacy lol. It was Sydney from Taylor Nation and she was a sweetie and asked how my flight was and and rambled on about delayed flights and I was like....I literally do not care, I’m so sorry, please tell me what I NEED TO KNOW WOMAN I AM DYING!!!! Eventually she cuts to the chase and is like “have you ever had an opportunity before?” And I was like um...hehe..it depends on what you mean by an opportunity because I REALLY JUST WANTED HER TO SAY THE WORDS and she was like “have you ever met taylor before?” and I was like NO!!! I HAVEN’T!!!! At this point I’m shaking so hard I had to lean against the wall for fear of falling down the stairs because THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING, HUH? Then she asks if I’m going to the show with anyone who hasn’t had an opportunity before and I said YES, my precious baby Emily @straightlinedownx. So she asks for Emily’s information and thank god I had checked her facebook to find out her birthday before just in case they asked (since they asked for mine) because IT WAS A STRESSFUL TIME. So she tells me I’ll get a DM within the hour letting us know when we’re verified and where we should pick up our envelope between 4 and 5 pm and I’m just saying thank you over and over and over again because WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO LIKE WTF IS EVEN HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! 

So in my head I had this beautiful thing planned for how I would tell Emily she’s meeting Taylor, but it turns out beautiful plans can’t happen when your brain is literally exploding, so instead of doing this elaborate thing where I filmed her reaction and everything, I just went over to where she was lying on the ground and kicked her. As friends do. She turns around and I’m like “Come. Here.” I was probably terrifying, I’m so sorry Emily, but I didn’t KNOW WHAT TO DO. So she follows me out to the kitchen and WHAT DO YOU SAY OTHER THAN WHAT IS HAPPENING???? SO I JUST SPIT IT OUT AND SAID “We’re meeting Taylor” and she deadass goes “No we’re not.” Just so casual.  And I’m like “We are. We’re meeting Taylor tonight. I got a DM on the plane and they just called me. I’m bringing you. We’re meeting Taylor.” AND THIS DUMB BICTH GOES “ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO BRING ME????” AND I’M LIKE “BICTH YES????? OF COURSE I DO???” And then she just kept doing this the rest of the day and it was my favorite thing. Here she is in Starbucks ten minutes after finding out. 

So we spent the rest of the day obsessing over make up and hair and we headed to the stadium around 2 PM because we wanted to make sure we had plenty of time to meet up with people and buy merch etc. Here’s us waiting for our ride (photo credit to angel @iknowplacesclean and a big thank you for letting me stay at your apartment spur of the moment!!!)

 We met up with Steph ( @thesethingswillchange), Leyton, Jess ( @jtmaster13) , and Sammi (@slytherinraven13) and I got to tell them all what was happening and they were SO happy for us because they’re literal angels on earth.

 Once we made it to will call and gave them our names, THEY DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT so I started to panic, naturally, but it was chill because they found it eventually and we immediately started taking pictures with the paper. Some nice lady offered to take one for us, bless her, because the struggle was so real. 

By this point I had told all of my friends but Jaime @cages-boxes-hunters-foxes and Brittany @messthatuwanted because I was planning on snaking them the way they snaked me when they met Taylor, and it brought me the greatest joy in life since they both thought I was incapable of it. Little did I know that Jaime was on her way to SURPRISE ME AT THE SHOW which was a MESS since I was in REP ROOM WHEN SHE WAS LOOKING FOR ME! But more on that later. So we met @ninetay89 at will call and we were all so excited for each other because honestly it’s what we all deserved and we just kind of hung out, waiting in line for the gates to open and that’s when Meredith @meredithswift came RUNNING towards me full force. Meredith and I met when we were 13 and 15. We were each others first online friends, and we became full blown stans together. She was the one that convinced me to make a taylor tumblr blog in the first place way back in 2010. We’d never, ever met before that moment and it was honestly one of the highlights of my entire life. I love her with my whole entire heart and it was one of the best hugs I’ve ever gotten. We didn’t let each other go for like 3 minutes. It was great. 

The gates finally open and me and Emily ZOOM up to the 100 level bathrooms to fix our make up because the humidity was KILLER and we were legitimately melting. Then we had to run back down the stairs to meet at the bottom of 129/30 and met up with @sunflowershealing and she was SO sweet! I’m so glad we got to meet! 

So a security guard comes up to us and tells us we’re actually supposed to meet at the TOP of 129, which isn’t what the paper said but it’s FINE, so we go up MORE stairs and it’s honestly beginning to feel like gym class now but it’s fine because I will do hours of cardio for Taylor Swift if need be. So we go up only to be told to go back down the stairs AGAIN because what is organization and they give us our wrist bands and we’re GOING TO REP ROOM BITCHES. 

Let me just say that I was chill literally the entire day. I was excited, yeah, but I wasn’t nervous or anything. Even when we got to Rep Room, I was totally fine. But when I saw the Rep Room doorway, I was jumping up and down like a five year old because how was this REAL LIFE? I never in a million years thought when Taylor shared the fact about Rep Room and showed us the inside that I would ever see it in PERSON. And here I was, walking through the arch??? SOUNDS FAKE. So we get in there, and there are three polaroid cameras sitting on a table next to the throne, but I wasn’t sure if we were allowed to touch them since I’ve heard that a lot of pre-show meet and greets weren’t allowed to do much in rep room. So Emily and I just kind of hang out next to them and hope for the go ahead, which Steph from Taylor Nation eventually gives us and then she has to help our dumb asses put film in them because we’re USELESS. But it’s fine. We take pictures on the throne first, and they came out so iconic honestly I will never take a better picture. 

Obviously I had to take a picture with the iconic rainbow dress.

My one singular complaint about the polaroid idea is that rep room is SO dark and it doesn’t really work well with the film. 

There was water, coke, diet coke, and sprite available to us, but not the booze or the cookies that were in previous rep rooms. Probably because it’s pre-show or because there wasn’t media that night, I’m not sure. Anyway, we’re able to mingle for about 8-10 minutes maybe? Maybe shorter than that, but Steph tells us to put the cameras up and line up. We were third from last to go in of about 5-6 groups. I’d say there were about 10-12 people in there. I’m pretty short, so  I couldn’t see Taylor when they opened the curtain to let the first group in, but I heard someone say “She’s wearing the purple Olivia shirt” and I was like...I literally hate her. Everyone keeps talking and I just wanted them all to shut UP so I could HEAR HER SPEAKING. Eventually, we’re a few groups from going in and I hear her laugh and that’s when it really started getting real. This was really happening. I was about to meet Taylor. Surprisingly, I managed to STILL hold it together. Right before we went in, “Type” by Todrick Hall comes on and I was screaming because I KNEW that would be her favorite song on Forbidden. 

So they open the curtain and she’s standing RIGHT there and she opens her arms so wide and goes “oh my god hiiiiii” and without hesitation I just go right into her arms and wrap her up so tight and said “Hi, I’m Megan!” and she starts laughing and goes “I know! I picked you last night, I see your posts all the time, I saw your selfie like I’m coming for you...and I was like I’m coming for you, I sent your post to TN and was like I need her, bring me her.” Literally I wish I could describe in detail the noise that came out of my mouth when she said I know, because it definitely wasn’t human. I was like “YOU KNOWWWWW???” But i literally growled it like some kind of rabid animal, I’m SO sorry, Taylor. That was the first time I lost my chill, which surprisingly only happened twice. 

As soon as she drops that bomb on me she turns to Emily to hug her which is what she DESERVES but I was so shook by what she said that I was leaning in for another hug but her back is to me now so I kind of halfway climbed her back I HATE MYSELF. Like my hand was gripping her shoulder and my other hand was pressed against her back and I had to physically talk myself off the ledge like BE COOL BITCH, BACK UP, DON’T BE WEIRD! So I just subtly slide my hands off of her and step back...only to embarrass myself further by stepping closer to Emily, aggressively rubbing her back and shouting “THIS IS EMILY! WE LOVE HER!!!!” Honestly what the fuck is wrong with me? She goes “Thank you guys so much for coming!” And I literally PANTED out “THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR INVITING ME!” Literally I was malfunctioning. I needed to be rebooted.

She turns back to both of us and shimmies her shoulders because she clearly wants me dead and goes “Sooooooooo....” and without hesitation I go “We need to talk about ‘Look What You Made Me Do’” and she’s like “okay, what do we need to talk about?” And then...I did it ladies. I literally told her I didn’t get the joke when it first came out, it flew right over my head and I thought she was being serious about the old taylor being dead and I was so worried about her that I threw up in a parking lot. She goes “Oh my god WHAT? That makes me so sad!” But she was laughing so hard, she threw her head back and covered her mouth, and for a split second I’m like DID I HURT HER FEELINGS??? DOES SHE THINK I HATE THE SONG??? So I was like “NO NO BUT I LOVED IT!” and she goes “You threw up!” And I’m like “BECAUSE I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU! I WAS LIKE IS SHE OKAY????” And she literally can’t stop laughing, she’s doing that stupid dolphin laugh she does and I literally wanted to smoosh her face between my hands because I adore her so much and she is so fucking cute and GOD I WANT TO DIE. So she goes “I was literally climbing out of a grave dressed as a zombie, you didn’t get how that was supposed to be funny???” And I was like “NO, I understood it was a joke when the video came out but for a whole week before I didn’t get the joke!” And she goes “Ohhhh, when the single dropped and you listened you were like WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER???” And she just kept laughing like honestly what the fuck is my life? I made Taylor Swift LAUGH? ME??? (Emily said everyone in the room was laughing, like the security at the door and everything I literally want to jump off a cliff.) So I was like “YES EXACTLY! I was like is she okay? I’m so worried about her, I need to know that she’s okay!” And she like...touched my arm and goes “But you’re okay now, right?” and made the most INTENSE eye contact like...if there is one thing I will say about meeting her, it’s that she keeps eye contact with you the WHOLE time and you know she’s hearing everything you say, she’s paying attention to every word and you KNOW she cares. And I’m like “yeah! I get the joke now, I get it, I swear!” And EMILY GOES “I don’t think she’s okay...” like honestly... drag me.

So I attempt to change the subject and the bitch CUTS ME OFF and leans in to me, looks down at me with this smirk on her face and goes “....do you need me to explain the joke to you?” like she was TEASING me, but I was being DRAGGED. I was like “NO, I get it now! I get it!” BUT SHE EXPLAINED IT ANYWAY. She explained that the whole concept of the line came from how people were saying Taylor Swift is over, she’s dead, and she was making fun of the whole cancellation culture that social media and media in general has, so she decided to just be like “Ohhhh, cause she’s deaaaaaad” (and she said it in the funniest, whiniest mocking voice I literally can’t stand her) to show them all how stupid they sounded when they said things like that. To paraphrase because I don’t remember exact wording, she said that’s really just the whole tone of the album, reputation, itself. That there are a lot of things that go into building a reputation, but that a reputation isn’t real, it’s a perception that can be formed by any number of things, true and false, but isn’t always based on what is actually happening. It’s fake, just like the old taylor being dead is fake, it’s a joke. I think the entire time she was saying this I kept repeating “No I get it, I get it” because I wanted to be sure she knew that I got it, but I think she really just wanted to explain it in general and I’m so glad she did, because I loved the insight. And then she goes “BUT IT’S SO FUNNY NOW because they’re like ‘What is she doing with the snakes? Why is she doing that? She’s so annoying!’ And I’m just like BECAUSE YOU TWEETED IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN EVERY SINGLE DAY! YOU’RE JUST MAD BECAUSE IT DOESN’T BOTHER ME ANYMORE!” And I shit you not, she was literally screaming this in my face, and acting like she was scrolling through her phone and laughing like...I was scared lmao. I just kept saying “I’m so proud of you, you just took it back, it’s what you deserve!” God, she’s so pretty when she laughs I can’t stop picturing it and hearing it and I don’t know where I could possibly go from here, I’ve peaked. 

She turned to Emily then, and I’m not going to share what happened there because it’s Emily’s story to tell, but I’m literally so happy that she gave her the love she deserves. The moment they shared touched me so much. 

When she looked like she was stepping into position for a photo, I suddenly flashed back to everything my friends who had met her already told me -- that if you stop talking, the M&G will end, but if you keep talking, so will she, so I sort of side stepped and started talking to her about how I’ve dealt with some pretty toxic relationships in the past couple years, and how it breaks my heart to think she’s ever felt the same way as I have in those moments of vulnerability and hurt, but that I was so thankful for songs like Dear John and Better Man because it made me feel less alone. And she goes “it’s always nice to know that you’re not alone in feeling the way you do, I totally get it. But that’s why we’re all here, isn’t it? That’s why we come to a stadium and we sing and dance and cry (we said cry at the same time, what kind of shared brain bullshit?) with each other, because we understand each other. We have that connection.” 

From there it got a little personal for me, and I want to keep that for myself, but she gave me the biggest, tightest hug and said some of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me and I’ve never felt more loved in my entire life than I did in those few minutes in a room with her. She said “I love you sooo much” and I said I loved her too, and then she asked what we wanted to do for a picture and Emily goes “I wanna do a smoosh...” because she’s the cutest person that has ever BREATHED and Taylor looked so confused so we both said at the same time (at the suggestion of Paige) “Can we do a Taylor face sandwich?” and she got so excited and was like “YEAH, I’ll smoosh your faces to mine!” So we got in position for that I knew I grabbed onto her, but I didn’t actually know what part of her I grabbed, I think I was reaching for her hand forgetting that her hand was on my face LOL. 

Anyway, we got our picture, she told us she loves us and hopes we have fun at the show and that she was so happy we were there and Emily manages AT THE LAST SECOND to go “CAN YOU PLAY COME BACK BE HERE.....please” and I’m like “Yeah, like....tonight.” And I felt so bad because I know I sounded so forceful and I DIDN’T MEAN TO. And she goes “Well, I can’t tonight because I promised someone else I’d play a different song, but I promise I will play it at a show soon, I know how much you guys want that one, I promise.” And we thanked her and told her we loved her and took our autograph and our dignity and got the hell out. 

I remember I was shaking when I came out of rep room, but I wasn’t freaking out really. I was still pretty chill. Chiller than I expected to be. We got about halfway back to her seats and I screamed “WHAT DID SHE SAY???” because for about five minutes, I blacked out completely. It was such a whirlwind of emotion that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to feel again. When we got back to our seats, the sweet angel that is Steph came over to me and asked how it went and I managed to get out “I said Hi, I’m Megan and...and....and...” and then I completely LOST MY SHIT and started SOBBING in Steph’s arms. I literally could not process that she KNEW WHO I WAS! I’M A LITERAL GARBAGE CAN! WHY DID SHE KNOW ME??? WHY DID SHE LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT? WHY DID SHE LAUGH SO MUCH? I COULDN’T PROCESS!

Steph: Meg, Taylor wanted to meet you, how do you feel?  

 The sobbing didn’t last long and I recovered just in time to meet my sweet baby Lauren @iknowplaces13 which I was SO EXCITED FOR! She was so happy for me and such an angel BUT THIS WASNT THE END OF THE ANGELS because JAIME APPEARS OUT OF THIN AIR TO SURPRISE ME (even though Dani @screamedsooloud ruined the surprise by accident but it’s FINE) and at this point, I still haven’t told Jaime that I met Taylor and I’m squirming trying to get out of the vice like hug she’s giving me so i can pull up my sleeve and show her my wristband LOL. Eventually she lets me BREATHE and I yank my sleeve up and go “SURPRISE, Snake!” and she literally is the blinking man gif, just no actually expression, raises her eyebrows, looks down at it and back at me and just goes “....when?” and then LAUNCHES herself at me because she is the sweetest, purest bean on the planet and was so genuinely happy for me. She’s listened to me cry about how I was sure this would never happen for so long and she kept telling me she was sure it would happen in Tampa and it was SO fun to outsnake her for once. I started telling her the story and every time I’d tell her something new, she’d tackle me again, it was so PURE. I love her with my entire heart.  Here’s a picture after I’ve cried all my eyeliner off. 

And then I snaked Brittany @messthatuwanted for snaking me because it’s what she deserved: 

The show was obviously amazing and we had great seats near the B stage and were able to make it to barricade, which was such a highlight to an already amazing night. I danced so much and sang at the top of my lungs and had a full on breakdown during long live that Emily the angel had to hold me through because I literally could not cope. Just full on sobbing for half the song. I had so much fun with Emily, Steph, Jess, Sammi, Leyton, Lejla, Sarah, Paige, and everyone else I spent time with this weekend. I’m forever grateful to Taylor for bringing so many amazing people into my life, I don’t deserve any of you and I can’t wait to reunite with 99 percent of the people I met at Gillette in Nashville. 

I quite literally had the time of my life with you, @taylorswift. Thank you so much for loving me like I love you, thank you for loving my friends and for bringing them into my life. I’ll never forget you as long as I live.