#I googled the one on the left and it seems like a comedy but the reviews still point out how hot it is

[marchenkonig]

Spotted in the break room at work: Free giveaway of werewolf romance novels

[p0orbaby]

Parental Guidance

summary: you’re on the brink of a baby induced nervous breakdown and you need your wife to pull her finger out a little

warnings: just some postnatal tension, but it all works out

a/n: thank you for the request !

word count: 1.2k

-

You’re pretty sure you haven’t slept in three days. Or is it four? The baby’s a demon. This tiny, adorable, 8-pound entity that seems to thrive on your misery. His cries have melded into a never-ending soundtrack of despair, punctuated by your own hollow attempts at soothing him with a song that you made up on the spot about 48 hours ago and now can’t stop singing. It’s called “Please, for the Love of All That is Good and Holy, Sleep.”

You used to be a person. You had interests, hobbies. You read books that didn’t have the words “Goodnight” and “Moon” in the title. You once watched entire movies from start to finish without interruptions. You’re pretty sure you used to smile, and not the deranged, Joker-esque grin you’ve developed from trying to maintain your sanity while walking a screaming infant around the house at 2 a.m.

And where is your darling wife, Alexia, in all this? Nowhere to be found. Well, she’s at work, technically. Which, fine. Someone has to pay the bills, but wasn’t there some kind of brochure about shared responsibility? Maybe she’s left it in her locker, along with her soul. You barely remember what she looks like at this point. You could pass her in the hallway and just nod politely, like she’s the postman.

You’re doing your best. Really, you are. But the situation is like trying to fill a bath with a teaspoon. And maybe you’re filling the bath wrong. Maybe the bath is cursed. You’ve tried everything—rocking, singing, automatic bouncers, and some baby yoga thing that some well-meaning Instagram mum swore by but mostly just made you realise how tight your hamstrings are.

Last night, you were so desperate, you found yourself Googling “Can babies drink Nyquil?” You didn’t actually give it to him, of course, but the fact that you even considered it is telling. Your maternal instincts have been reduced to the level of a sleep-deprived zombie.

You call Alexia. She picks up after the third ring. You can hear the echo of her voice, so you know she’s in one of those soundproof meeting rooms, which would be useful for something other than work right now, like, say, your mental breakdown.

“How’s it going?” she asks, with a tone that implies she has absolutely no idea how it’s going.

“Oh, fine,” you say, with the kind of deadpan delivery that would get a standing ovation on a late-night comedy show. “The baby’s great. He’s taken up wailing as a full-time job. He’s really passionate about it, you know? Very dedicated. I think he’s trying to set a record”

You hear her exhale softly. “I’m sorry, bebè. It’s just i'm in the middle of some media stuff—”

“No, no,” you cut her off. “By all means, finish giving your opinions on that new stadium or whatever. I’m sure our baby will appreciate it when he’s, I don’t know, 18 and actually sleeping. Maybe he’ll get a job there. Or just stand outside and scream, since that seems to be his true calling”

There’s a pause on the other end. Not a comfortable pause. The kind of pause that suggests she’s realising you might not be entirely okay. The baby shrieks louder, and you realise you’re bouncing him up and down like he’s a basketball and you’re trying to make a buzzer-beater shot.

“I’ll be home soon,” Alexia says finally, her voice softer.

“Define ‘soon,’” you counter, adjusting your grip on the baby before he launches himself out of your arms and catapults into a new dimension where babies don’t need sleep. “Is it ‘soon’ like in 20 minutes, or ‘soon’ like in three hours when I’ve lost the will to live?”

Another pause, this one even worse. You’re pretty sure you can hear her wincing through the phone.

“An hour?” she offers weakly, and you let out a laugh that’s halfway between genuine and maniacal.

“Perfect,” you say. “I’ll just go cry in the airing cupboard until then. The baby and I have matching dark circles under our eyes now, so that’s fun. Maybe we’ll start a band”

You hang up before she can respond, not trusting yourself to say anything else. You’re exhausted, stretched thin, and the fact that your wife isn’t here to witness the madness is only making things worse. You know she’s working hard, that she’s doing her best, but in this moment, it feels like you’re on a sinking ship and she’s on shore, waving at you from a distance.

An hour later, when she finally walks through the door, you’re sitting in the middle of the living room floor, surrounded by a sea of baby toys, burp cloths, and what you think might be some sort of baby vomit, though at this point, who really knows?

You look up at her, and she looks back at you, and there’s a brief moment where you’re pretty sure she’s about to turn around and walk right back out the door.

Instead, she says, “I brought wine”

You blink at her, then at the bottle of wine in her hand. It’s a good bottle, too. The kind you used to drink before you had a baby and your definition of “good wine” became “whatever has the highest alcohol content and is closest to the till”

“Great,” you say, pushing yourself up off the floor with a grunt. “Let’s get the baby drunk”

She gives you a tired smile, but you can see the worry behind it. “Cariño…”

“No, it’s fine,” you say, holding up a hand. “It’s totally fine. I’m just saying, if we give him some wine, maybe he’ll sleep. Or at least pass out for a little bit. We can all get some rest. Or die. Either one sounds good at this point”

She sighs, setting the bottle down on the coffee table and coming over to you. She takes the baby from your arms, and you’re almost tempted to just collapse on the spot. Instead, you let yourself lean against her, just for a moment, just long enough to remember what it feels like to be supported by another human being.

“I’m sorry,” she says, and you can hear the guilt in her voice. “I know this is hard. I’ll try to be here more”

You nod, but you’re too tired to respond with words. Instead, you just rest your head on her shoulder and close your eyes, savouring the brief reprieve from the bedlam.

“Do you think he’s broken?” you mumble after a while. “Like, did we get a defective baby?”

Alexia chuckles softly, pressing a kiss to your temple. “No, he’s not broken. He’s just…expressive”

“Expressive,” you repeat, nodding slowly. “Right. So we got the model with all the extra emotions. Great”

“Extra emotions,” Alexia echoes, her tone lightening. “Maybe that means he’ll be a really good artist someday”

“Or he’ll just be really good at screaming,” you say, lifting your head to look at her. “You know, for someone who’s supposed to be on a team, you’ve been doing a lot of solo missions lately”

“I know,” she says softly, her eyes meeting yours. “I’m sorry. I’ll do better”

You let out a long breath, feeling the tension between you, and your shoulder, start to ease. “Okay. But if he screams one more time tonight, we’re selling him to the circus”

“Got it,” Alexia says with a smile, and for the first time in days, you feel like maybe, just maybe, you’re not going through this alone.

[the-forbidden-pookie]

Unknown motives

Tw: SFW, written with a fem reader in mind, attempt at comedy, fluff with a dash of something else, slight use of profanity, reader is short for plot reasons.

Pairing: Anton Ivanov x reader

#Free Palestine🇵🇸

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sorry," the large man says as he approaches you "I got held up by this strange guy asking if I wanted to play cards or something on my way here... Hm? You haven't started interviewing our president yet, have you? Don't forget to lower the mic stand a bit."

You blink up at him in surprise, and suppress an eye roll. You can't help it, everything about him was giving... the same vibe you see in the old capital era movies, the frat boy types. Still, you respond cordially enough "Huh? Oh you mean the reporter lady from earlier? No she left already, I'm the new part timer." You say confidently, deciding you'll end this conversation quickly if you looked sufficiently assertive. The work site was plenty noisy too, surely he'll get annoyed from talking out here soon enough.

The man's hand was on its way to the back of his head, his eyes trained away from you before he halts and looks back "A new part timer? Who the hell hired you?"

"I hired myself." You say simply.

"Ha, you hired yourself? Really now? And who made you think you were qualified enough to work here?"

You don't bother giving your real reasons "The field of construction calls for me." Is what you say instead.

"Calls for you, huh?" To your surprise , the man takes your words seriously, and you notice a name tag that introduces him as Senior Staff and On Site Project Manager Anton Ivanov. Wow, what a mouthful, no wonder he seems to know who exactly does and doesn't work here.

"You look like a runt... Can you handle the job? Do you even know how to tell apart a Gauging trowel from a Margin trowel?"

You blink owlishly back at him, startled out of your thoughts "A what now?"

"Exactly my point! How about I test you, then? First, go get me a torque wrench."

"Ahaha" you laugh awkwardly "Uh yup! I totally know what that is!" Why is there no connection in this place? I need to Google this! You panic internally.

"Oh really? Well then go get one. It's right by the tool box in the west warehouse." He points at said building "I'll be waiting here."

You quickly turn away before he sees your expression descend into panic "Mhm, be right back boss man!"

"Hah, what's with that look?... Wait... Hey! Come back here!"

You ignore him and use your small frame to your advantage and easily weave through construction workers left and right, most of them admittedly much bigger than you. Still, you disappear into the crowd and easily loose anyone trying to stop you. Once you make it to the warehouse, you go ask someone on duty about the tool, and find a bear gentleman squinting at a clipboard.

"Excuse me sir." You interrupt politely "The project manager sent me to grab a tool for him, can you tell me where-" you pause. What did he call it again? You stare at the fellow in front of you as he stares back. Once it became apparent you weren't going to finish the sentence any time soon, he points at a collection of crates in one section of the warehouse

"I'm busy so help yourself kid." He says, then leaves before you can correct him about you not being a kid.

Welp.

You go look though the crates, hoping any of them would be marked or named, and while some of them are, most of those are in Russian.

You don't speak Russian.

You sigh, and decide nothing will get done if you keep standing here, so you grab a random heavy tool, and lug it back to Anton, who surprisingly did wait for you where he said he would.

"I'm back! Did you miss me?" You pant from the exertion, trying to hide the toll this is taking on you with jest "Is- is this it?"

Anton looks dumbfounded for a moment before speaking "...That's a welder's mask, kid. The kind bear Thirens use."

You look down "So that's what the glass part is for... Hey I'm not a kid! You're just way too tall!"

Anton smirks, amused with your response "You're not a kid, huh? Then how old are you, shorty?"

You look away. "Hmph. You should never ask a lady about her age! It's improper!" You dodge the question. You may be an adult, but there's a non zero chance that once you show him your ID he thinks you're presenting him with a fake one and kick you out immediately. You'd rather not give him the chance. "So how do I go about properly signing up to join Belobog Heavy Industries anyway?"

Anton chuckles, seemingly getting a kick out of this "Ha! It's funny that a shorty like you can call herself a lady. You're barely at half my height. Anyways, if you wanna work here, I'll have to assess your experience and qualifications first."

You are certainly not looking forward to that.

"... Isn't there someone else that can do that...? Maybe someone I don't have to crane my neck all the way up just to look at their face?" You sweat drop.

Anton laughs, thoroughly enjoying this situation "Nope, not a chance. You're stuck with me, shorty. Now, quit complaining and tell me what you can do with those tiny arms of yours."

You crouch down and grab a random rock, then stack a few more on top of it. Once done you stand back up and point at your creation. "Construction...?"

Anton raises an eyebrow, looking the most baffled you've seen him all day, and that's saying something. He stares at your attempt before he lets out a disbelieving laugh "Construction? You call that... whatever it is, construction? I'm not sure if I should be impressed, concerned, or just downright baffled."

You don't hesitate "Which one's more likely to get me hired?"

"Anton crosses his arms, looking you up and down as he seriously consideres your question. His earnestness is starting to get to you.

"Hm, I suppose I'd be impressed, because it takes a lot of audacity to call that thing construction. So I'm going to give you a chance."

He grins slightly.

"Spend the day around the site today but don't go past any yellow lines without permission. If you still want to join us afterwards, come find me and my bro at the end of the day at my office. We'll discuss your new position in the company then, shorty."

You can't help it, caught off guard by his genuine offer, you let out a huge, surprised smile, no sarcasm or barbs in sight "Wait really?!"

You can vaguely tell Anton is taken aback by your response, but he quickly covers it up with a smirk "Of course. It'd be fun to have someone so short around here to tease, it's not like I can mess with the president after all." He says jokingly.

At your resulting glare, he chuckles and ruffles your hair with his large hand.

For a second, you feel dumbfounded at the overly familiar act, but you quickly regain your composure and push his hand away "Sorry head pats are reserved for friendship level 8 or higher."

"Oh? 8 or higher, huh? That's a pretty high number. I guess I'll have to work my way up to earn the privelage then.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the work day comes to a close, you make your way to Anton's office, directed by the scowling red head girl that often came to check on you throughout the day. She awkwardly waves off your genuine thanks.

I guess everyone here looks scary but is actually nice? You wonder.

"Hey there, shorty." Anton perks up from his slumped position as he sees you come in. You notice his desk and seat appear comically small when compared to his size, it doesn't help that the office room is rather cramped. "Did you have a fun day of "construction" today?"

You sigh "I tried to help, but everyone kept telling me I'd just get in the way." You say as you unceremoniously drop in a guest chair by his wooden desk "Please hurry up and give me an official position at the company."

Anton's smirk softens as he sees your dejected expression.

"Heh, I can see you really want to fit in here, huh? My bro and I really appreciate that kind of spirit. Alright, I'll do you a favor and give you an official position."

He seems to think for a moment before speaking "How about you become the company's official short stack? We do lack a mascot."

Your eye twitches involuntarily "My dude you are giving my fist an erection. Are you trying to get socked in the face?"

Anton doubles over his desk laughing, a full body laugh with his shoulders shaking and his mouth gasping for air. Well it was a very good line wasn't it? You inwardly give yourself a pat on the back for causing that reaction. Finally when the bursts of laughter subside and he can actually breathe again, the taller male leans down and gets close to your face with his signature smirk on.

"Ha! I'd like to see you try. Besides, you're too short to land a proper punch, anyway."

Anton's smirk fades into a more serious expression this time as he considers your question. He taps his chin in thought.

You deadpan. Bro cannot be acting all nonchalant after he almost went into cardiac arrest from your joke "Back on topic," you say impatiently "any real positions I can fill up?"

He looks you up and down for what feels like the millionth time this day, before speaking "If I'm being honest, the only jobs you could fit would probably be serving food at the cafeteria or maybe assisting in office work, hardly something that would feel like construction work."

"Hmm, let's see..."

You try not to pout "But just today I saw a girl shorter and definitely younger then me, she was working hands on and-"

"The president," Anton interrupts "has many years of experience, she also may not look it to your untrained eyes but she has a lot of practical muscles that make up for her size disadvantage."

You blanch That was the President?! I'd been calling her girlie-pop all day! I think I even called her pookie once?!

Suddenly, all the strange looks the staff were throwing you throughout the day made a lot more sense.

"That said..." Anton brings you back out of your thoughts "How about we start you off as an assistant? I'll have you work under me, and I'll show you the ropes around here, it would also count as a training period. If you prove yourself competent, I'll consider promoting you to an official position."

Your eyes gain a shine to them at the offer he went of his way to give, and you feel a bit remorseful at all the attitude you've been giving him "Wait, wouldn't that be troublesome for you?"

Anton shrugs lightly, that smirk returning to his face.

"Troublesome? Nah, I'd get a kick out of having a pipsqueak like you following me around. And who knows, maybe you can learn a thing or two from a professional like me." He says, pointing proudly at his chest.

You deadpan yet again. "I take back the good thoughts I started having of you, what was I thinking?" You tell him as you shake your head in mock despair.

Anton laughs at your blunt response, clearly enjoying the banter. "Ha! There's Shorty's short temper kicking in again. Come on, don't be so uptight . I'm just messin' with ya."

He grins widely, clearly finding this whole situation amusing. He then playfully ruffles your hair with his hand.

You push his hand away again "My head isn't for patting unless you're level 8 friendship I said!"

Anton laughs good naturedly, and obediently removes his hand.

"Ha! Still going on about that friendship level thing? Fine, I'll keep my hands to myself for now. But just know, I have plenty of other ways to bother you, Shorty."

"I've known you for only one day and yet I don't doubt that one bit."

Anton crosses his arms and leans against the nearby wall, looking down at you.

Still, you can't resist messing with him right back, so you get up and walk away "Nevermind I'll go see if the convenience store down the street is still hiring-"

"Oh, you have no idea. Stick around, shorty, and you'll see what I mean. You haven't experienced true torment yet." His voice has a teasing quality to it and you can tell he puts extra care in making that obvious to compensate for his naturally intimidating size and face.

Anton quickly scrambles off the wall and grabs your arm, halting your retreat "Oh no you don't. You're not getting out of this that easily." He smirks, as if he wasn't floundering less then a second ago. His grip on your arm is gentle yet unrelenting "You're stuck with me, Shorty. You already accepted the job as my assistant, remember? You can't back out now."

You sigh dramatically, and hear as Anton laughs at your theatrics. You then remember the two of you haven't properly introduced yourselves to each other yet "I guess I have to be a woman of my word." You say in mock reluctance as he lets go of your arm "It's a little late, but my name is Y/n by the way, L/n Y/n. What's yours?"

His smirk slowly fades into a genuine smile "Oh, we never did properly introduce ourselves, huh? Hah, guess we were so busy bickering we forgot about the formalities." He extends his hand for a handshake "Name's Anton Ivanov. Remember that, ok Shorty?"

You grasp his hand, his grip strong and sturdy "Like I said, my name's Y/n. Since we're on the more serious topics, is there a contract I need to sign or am I in a trial period for now?"

Anton shakes your hand gently before responding, seemingly very aware of how much bigger his hand is as it is engulfs yours. If you didn't know better you'd think he's nervous to accidentally hurt you. "Yeah trial period's a fitting name, and no contract signings just yet. We'll see how you do working under me before we worry about paperwork. So, Shorty, are you ready to get started as my assistant?"

"How early does the work day start here?" You ask, forcefully dragging your eyes away after they started staring at his chest a bit too long. You can't help it tho! It's more comfortable for your neck to stare at that region!

Anton scratches his chin thoughtfully, considering your question and blissfully unaware of your internal turmoil.

"Hmm, work usually starts around 6 in the morning. We like to get an early start here at Belobog. Why do you ask?"

You gulp "Wow, bright and early with the sunrise huh?"

Anton valiantly tries to suppress a chuckle at your reaction. He fails, but you suppose it's the effort that counts.

"Yep, bright and early. We don't like to waste time around here. And hey, don't worry about adjusting to the early hours, you'll get used to it soon enough, shorty."

"I sure hope so." You sweat drop, then your eyes drift to the arm sized device strapped to his arm. "Is that the main tool you use?" You motion with your chin towards the machine he still has strapped to his arm despite the work day being already over.

Anton follows your gaze, and he brightens considerably at your question. "This is my bro, it's a pile driver." He says seriously, and it doesn't take long to realize he's not joking.

He grins, looking down at his arm-mounted weapon affectionately "My bro and I go way back, and it got my back in both work and combat." He says proudly.

"I guess you could say it is, in a way, like family. It's been with me through a lot."

He pats the pile driver, a fond look in his eyes.

Your eyes soften "Well, can't wait to see you and your bro in action once I officially start!" You exclaim, mentally cataloguing the pile driver as Anton's Emotional Support Companion in you head.

"So, I hear Belobog Industries has dorms for all staff members, are newbies like me included or do I need to find my own lodgings around here?" You change the subject, because while you didn't mind hearing more about Anton and getting to know him better, you did still have an objectif in coming here "I wanna know if I'll need to make moving arrangement soon."

Anton's grin widens at your enthusiasm and what he reads as genuine interest in the company.

"Ha! That eager to get in on the action, huh?" he guesses "You're going to fit right in here."

He pats your head lightly, and you're starting to understand it's meant to be a playful gesture rather than a condescending or even teasing one.

"And don't worry about lodging. We provide dorms for all staff members, including newbies like you. You don't need to worry about finding a place to stay."

"Well that's convenient," you say as you bat his arm away, almost by reflex now "I guess I better go get my stuff sorted by tomorrow then." You say as you shift to get going, before a loud bang outside Anton's office door startles you both, and a tall woman comes barreling in.

"Anton!" She all but shouts "I got it! I cracked the code uncle Khors left behind!"

Next to you, Anton is initially startled by the sudden entrance, but he soon regains his composure. He throws a look at you, as if making sure you're not scared off by the taller woman's antics, then turns back to her, his face a mixture of surprise and curiosity.

"Grace? You cracked the code? That's great, but we need to tell the president before you -"

But this Grace person is no longer listening, as her attention is now in on you "Huh, I didn't know it was bring your kid to work day? Wait who's kid is this?"

You deadpan "For the last time. I'm an adult."

At your claim, she looks you up and down and it's quite obvious she doesn't believe you. "A highschooler maybe." She murmurs under her breath.

Anton quickly interjects before she can say more, and you can hear the hint of annoyance in his voice as he speaks "Grace, Y/n's not a high schooler..."

You finally sigh and take out your ID card, at least Anton seemed to believe you so you didn't think he'd take it for a fake ID.

"Oh you poor thing!" The woman says after thoroughly comparing your face to the image on the card "who malnourished you?"

"I'm not malnourished." You say with a tired sigh, but it's not like you can explain your situation, so you don't think you come off as very believable.

Anton gives Grace a sarcastic look as she tries to save her mistake. He rolls his eyes, but a small smile still forms on his face.

"Well!" Grace says "Whatever you two are discussing can wait, let's get her to the cafeteria before it closes, someone is in desperate need of a big meal-" At Anton's warning look, Grace amends "Uhh that person being Anton! A bear sized fellow like him definitely needs to eat lots!"

"Nice save there, Grace. Real subtle."

I don't know what these two's relationship is, but they seem close. You wonder internally.

And as Anton glances at you, it seems he misreads your pondering expression as one of doubt about yourself because he says: "Don't you worry, Shorty. You're fine. I've met actual malnourished people, and trust me, you're in the clear."

...why is he such a green flag?! You have to admit to yourself it'd be quite the shame if he is dating Grace.

"But it's true that we're all hungry" Anton continues while nodding "Grace is right, and let me tell you, the cafeteria food here is really good. I wouldn't want you to miss out on it, shorty."

You nod back, liking the idea "Alrighty then, please lead the way." You go for a polite voice but at Grace's giggle you wonder if you over did it.

Anton grins and gestures for both of you to follow him.

"Aight, I'll show you the way to the cafeteria."

He starts walking and motions for you and Grace to fall in step beside him.

Grace starts telling you both all about the mysterious code the former president of Belobog Industries had left behind, and while fairly sure the information should remain confidential, it wasn't like you could stop the woman on her tirade, you notice Anton doesn't even try.

Then again, they probably think I haven't a single clue of what she's talking about.

As the three of you near what you assume is the cafeteria, Grace stops dead in her tracks. "Oh gosh I'm so sorry, I know I was the one that suggested coming here but I just got an alert and I need to go back and check on my children!" Grace exclaims showing a notification with a warning symbol for an icon. By children, you figure she's talking about machines or software code.

Anton hardly looks surprised. He shakes his head "Hah, typical Grace. Don't worry about it, we can grab food ourselves. You go take care of your babies."

Anton pats her on the shoulder reassuringly "Just make sure to eat something later, okay?"

Grace nods, and you expect her to hurry off towards her workstation but instead she moves to your side and whispers in your ear "My intuition tells me you're a good person, so good luck, I'm rooting for you!" And as you blink in surprise, the woman is already rushing off. You realize that at some point you'd made the judgement she was wholly focused on her mechanic creations and had little attention to her surroundings, but that had to be untrue. She read the situation in seconds and seems to be setting you two up on a date of sorts.

Anton on the other hand watched the entire exchange with one eyebrow raised.

As Grace runs off towards her creations, he turns back to you with a slightly quizzical look.

"What'd she whisper to you?"

You give him a sly smile "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Anton gives you a playful glare in return and crosses his arms "Oh, now you're just teasing me. Come on, spill the beans Shorty. Let me in on the secret."

You skip ahead and push the cafeteria double doors open "Oh wow this place smells great, it's suddenly making me feel so hungry! We better get some food quick!"

Behind you, you hear the taller male let out a hearty chuckle at your unsubtle change of topic "A convenient case of selective hearing, huh? Okay, I'll let it slide for now."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After filling your trays with food the two of you choose somewhere to sit, and with the cafeteria mostly empty it was like you had the whole place to yourselves.

Time to satisfy our empty stomachs.

Or so you thought.

You barely get to sit down before Anton gets a call, and he immediately gets up to take it. You wonder for a few seconds if it would be rude or not to start eating without him, however the call doesn't take that long.

"Sorry about that." Anton says, but when you look up to face him it's like looking at a different person. His attention is still on his phone and the set of his shoulders is stiff, but most of all, his smile is nowhere to be found "Something came up, you can start without me and uh- I'll be right back."

He's gone before you can get a word in edgewise.

Well, now you've been subjected to the inconvenience of eating alone in a cafeteria. At least it's mostly empty. You take exactly two bites of your delicious burger (it seems he was right about the food in this place) before you're interrupted, by Grace again this time.

"Hey! You're Anton's girlfriend!"

You almost choke-

"Where did he go- I think I messed up and I need his help before Sweet Pea finds out!"

Wow... Where do I even start with this one...

You decide to go with the basics "I'm not his girlfriend. I don't know someone called him away I think. Why are you afraid of a vegetable finding out about your mistake...?"

"So he's not here? Oh no." The woman turns on her heel and leaves.

You don't hesitate and follow after her, you'd rather not have to sit alone in a cafeteria, you just hope no one will put away your food while you're gone.

The real problem tho, is how much taller and faster she was. By the time you make it to the double doors you have no clue which direction she went in.

I think she went this way last time?

You pick a direction and at some point the smoke alarms start beeping in the halls, and you hear footsteps somewhere in the building rushing to and fro. Sure enough, you find yourself in a technician's lab at the end of the route. The only problem is, Grace is not here.

You walk in.

It doesn't take long to figure out what was causing a commotion, as the smoke alarm was beeping on and off above a smoking machine component. You step closer and take a look.

Hmm I'm not familiar with this model, but...

Your head turns towards the computer setup on the desk, warning and error messages flashing on the monitor. You sit down and crack your knuckles.

Let's give this a go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anton comes back to the cafeteria, finding you right where he left you.

"Heyo Shorty, sorry that took a while, wha- you're not eating yet?"

"Ah- I nibbled at the burger a bit, but I didn't wanna start without you so..." You lie smoothly.

"What the- I told you you could start," Anton says plopping into his seat "now I feel bad for making you wait so long." He says with a- is that a kicked puppy face? You didn't even know it was possible on him.

You instantly start feeling bad "Oh no worries, I didn't even feel the time pass!" I was fairly occupied anyways "Oh! I heard a lot of noise out there, what was going on?" You smoothly switch subjects, grabbing a hold of your burger and taking a bite.

"Hn? Oh yeah, the smoke alarm was ringing in multiple branches but there wasn't a fire in any of them, the system was pranking us I guess." He stabs his steak and starts cutting it "I tried to go back right after but Grace came to find me cuz something was acting up, so I go on a detour to her lab, we got there and whatever she needed a hand with just righted itself so I hurried back." He takes a bite of meet and waits till he's swallowed it to continue "You sure I didn't take too long?"

You smile "Really it's fine, it wasn't that long at all."

For the first seven to ten minutes of you two sitting together again, you both give your undivided attention to your food filled trays. Finally, after devouring an entire burger you break the silence "I'm gonna be honest with you, Anton, I had you all wrong when I first saw you this morning." You say between mouthfuls of fries, keeping one hand in front of your mouth whenever there's food in it and you need to talk.

Anton grins at your admission, taking a sip of his drink before replying "Hah, yeah, I can tell. You were giving me the eye roll of all eye rolls this morning. I take it you've changed your opinion of me now then?"

"Well, you have a very imposing build and with your resting scowl face I thought you'd be... Well nevermind, turns out you're someone who helps those in need... you also got a nice laugh." You end softly.

You hear a utensil drop, and you look up to see Anton's fork fell onto his steak, but more interesting was the deer caught in headlights look he was giving you.

Just as fast as it comes however he pushes it away, regaining his composure in record speed "Ha! I can see why you thought that. I do have a bit of a mean mug when I'm not smiling, though I've been told my laugh sounds like a bear's roar, so the nice laugh bit is definitely a first!" He grins at you, and you wonder if the lighting is playing tricks on you because you think there's some light redness at the top of his cheekbones. He then continues "But you're right, I do try to be helpful and kind, especially to those in need. And I'd like to think my sense of humor isn't half bad either."

You're not sure how to respond to that, the man has been nothing but forthcoming and honest with you all day while you've been... not.

Instead, you glance at the wall clock and say "I think I need to head out soon." As you clean off the last of your fries. "I came here for a job interview but I somehow ended up meeting you and uh- I really enjoyed it! I just wouldn't wanna walk back home too late in the dark y'know?"

"Anton looks at the time on his phone and nods in understanding."

"Yeah, it is getting late. It's not safe to walk around at night, especially for short stuff like you. I don't want you getting lost between the cracks in the sidewalk or something." He gives you a playful smirk.

You go to reply, deadpan tone and expression at the ready when he interrupts you.

"But... if you want, I could always give you a ride home. I have a company car parked nearby."

You hesitate " ...you already payed for the meal, which I'll totally pay you back for by the way! So I don't want to trouble you more..."

Anton shakes his head and waves off your concerns "Nah, don't worry about it. It's just a meal, it's no trouble at all. And don't worry about paying me back either, consider it a welcome to the company gift." He grins, then leans in closer, lowering his voice conspiratorially "Besides, you wouldn't be troubling me. It's my pleasure to help you out, Shorty."

You sweat drop "What's the point of me giving you my name if you'll just keep calling me that?"

Anton chuckles at your reaction, clearly enjoying teasing you "Oh, lighten up a bit. I like giving nicknames to people. It's a nice way to bond, y'know? Besides, it's kind of fitting, don't you think? Given your, uh, petite stature."

You glance at his emptied out tray, the mountains of food he'd heaped onto it already gone "Well, the bonding experience can wait till tomorrow, if you're done, shall we get going?"

Anton leans back in his chair, patting his stomach with a satisfied smile "Yeah, I'm all done. Let's hit the road." He stands up and stretches, then motions for you to follow him "Come on, Shorty. Let's get you home safe and sound."

You follow after him "Tell me honestly, Anton." You say as he grabs his tray to place it on the racks nearby, when you go to grab yours he beats you to it and smoothly takes that one as well, stacking it on his.

"I could've carried that!" You whine.

Anton's infuriatingly attractive grin makes another appearance "Oh, I know you could've carried it. But I'm just being a gentleman, shorty. Can't have you doing all the hard work before you even start tomorrow, you'll get even tinier!" He ends, his tone is teasing as usual but his eyes softened up considerably, and the look he's giving you has your insides turning to mush.

You flush. "Uh- as I was saying, are you maybe a bear in disguise? Because you just cleaned off a mountain of food alone."

Anton laughs at your flushed expression and your playful accusation, the way he's keeping his composure somehow just feels unfair, though you guess for someone working in construction keeping his cool would be a must.

"Ha! Bear in disguise, huh?" He replies "Nah, I'm just a guy with an appetite. You know, working here, I need the extra energy." Then his grin turns cocky "Plus, it takes a lot of food to fuel all this muscle." He gives a playful flex, showing off his bicep with a smirk.

You give a playful eye roll "Oh wow, and you're so humble too!" You say flatly "What a catch wow!"

Anton lets out a hearty laugh at your sarcastic remark and gives you a playful salute "Oh, you know it. I'm the total package. Good looks, charm, wit, and the appetite to match." He grins, clearly enjoying the banter, which you've come to enjoy as well.

"But I'll have you know, there are quite a few women here who think so too."

You deadpan "Good for you. Give me there number, I'll help set you up."

Anton chuckles, then scratches his chin in mock thoughtfulness, then his expression turns into a grin and he gives you a playful nudge.

"But why would I need their number when I've got yours, Shorty?"

You blink "Huh? But I never gave my number...?"

"Yeah, not yet you didn't, but I have good intuition. Call it a sixth sense." He taps his temple with a wink. And it's telling me a certain cute Shorty is interested."

You flush harder "Well your sixth sense must be malfunctioning this time." You say walking ahead, trying to keep him from seeing your beat red face. Unfortunately, with how much taller he is, he catches up by the next second.

When he's by your side, he wastes no time laughing at your flushed face "Hah, you're forgetting who you're dealing with, Shorty. These long legs of mine give me an unfair advantage."

You don't reply.

"And are you sure my sixth sense is malfunctioning this time? Cuz you're lookin' real flustered."

"You're imagining things, maybe it's time to visit the eye doctor?" You huff.

"Oh? Is that so? Hm, maybe my eyes aren't as sharp as they used to be. Let me have a closer look, just in case."

He places one hand on your shoulder to halt your walk and leans in closer, making a show of examining your face.

Your eyes go wider then your older sister's saucers "Hmm strange, I'm getting a clear view of your rosy cheeks right now, and my sixth sense is telling me it's not from the cold."

You consider how to get the upper hand in this situation, but with your muddled mind it gets a bit tricky. You end up going with the first thing that comes to mind "You're right, it's from the heat, it's really getting hot in hear for some reason-" You start, before realizing belatedly how suggestive that sounded "Uh- wait no-" You flush further.

Anton grins at your unintentional innuendo, and raises an eyebrow, playing along "Oh really? Getting hot in here, hm?" He looks around, feigning innocence "Huh, seems like a comfortable temperature to me. Maybe it's just you, Shorty."

You cover your tomato colored face with your arms "Oh enough already, you win so just stop!"

Anton laughs and puts his hands up in mock surrender "Alright, alright, I'll stop. Can't have the cute shorty overheating on me now, can I?" in a quieter, more gentle tone, he adds, "But seriously, your blush is adorable."

You groan "Anton!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anton pulls up outside your house in the company car and turns to you with a smile "Here we are, shorty. Home sweet home."

You nod "Thank you, and sorry for the trouble."

Anton shakes his head and waves off your apologies "No trouble at all, I enjoyed the company. Besides, I couldn't just let you walk home alone in the dark." He grins, then adds in a playful tone, "Especially not when you're such a cute Shorty."

You deadpan "Don't make me take it back." You consider something then say "Give me your phone for a sec."

Anton raises an eyebrow, but obediently hands you his phone "Sure, but why do you need it? You gonna put your number in without me asking?"

"Nice try. I'll give you my Inter Knot contact for work stuff. You're not high level enough to get my number yet."

"High enough level, huh? Am I just a lowly level one in your eyes right now?"

Not looking up from your typing you reply "You made it all the way up to level three on day one, Congrats! But your nickname for me is shorty, I don't know how to feel about that yet."

Anton laughs, seemingly amused by your rating system for him "Only level three? Damn, I was hoping for a higher rank. But you're right, the nickname 'Shorty' might be deducting some points."

He grins, then adds with a wink, "Maybe if I find a better nickname, I'll rank up higher in your eyes... or maybe I'll just keep calling you 'Shorty' just to annoy you."

You deadpan "Well that would be very in character for you wouldn't it?" You say handing him back the phone.

Anton takes it back with a smirk, clearly unrepentant for his nickname choice "Hah, you know me so well already, Shorty. I gotta admit, your deadpan face is just too fun to tease." He leans in closer, unable to resist poking at you further "Besides, the way you turn all tomato-red whenever you're flustered is just priceless."

You push his face back with your hand "Goodnight Anton, see you tomorrow." You say as you unlock the cat door and head out.

"Haha, goodnight, Shorty. Get some rest. Sweet dreams."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And as you lock the car door and leave, Anton checks his phone, leaving the Inter Knot app to check the CCTV footage he has access to. The one that clearly shows you entering and leaving Grace's lab. He barely mumbles out "Till tomorrow then... Y/n. Hopefully I'll figure out what you're really up to soon."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hmm did I manage to make the reader subtly mysterious? 🤔 Tell me guys if y'all want a part two. LavenderLily you can tell me directly 👀

And as always, Free Palestine ❤️ 🇵🇸

[zackius]

Adam SMUT HEADCANON

(It's my first work and English is not my native language, be indulgent and correct me if the grammar is bad lol)

It’s quite Adam with his virginity kink than his general smut headcanon lol

This man has a HUGE kink on virginity, if you're not one he would not really pay attention, he understands that you had fun before him, I mean, everyone’s kinda hot here lol.

However, if you are one, oh boy yes, this man is going crazy

Understand him he has abandonment issues, even if you can't really tell at first, he was really broken when Lilith AND Eve left him for another man.

He just wants to be important to someone and the only one and this goes through virginity.

NOBODY touched you? No man or woman? He's the first and only one who's going to see, touch, and please your body? This drives him CRAZY

You didn't fuck before actually being in a relationship with him, you seemed quite negative about that and he respected your boundaries, he didn't want to rush it all because he loves you.

Nevertheless, when you got officially into the relationship, of course, the subject was going to happen naturally.

So one day, you were together, laying on his belly and watching a comedy while criticizing it: "I fucking understand why this man broke up with this stupid bitch ! Sex is important as fuck ! I'm on his side !"

He was getting angry as always and continued to shout but froze up when he saw your blushing face, avoiding any eye contact with him. He kinda messed up and stuttered "B-Babe that's not what I meant ! Yeah it's important but I'm not a fucking dickhead I can wait !"

You were staring at him in embarrassment " You know, I'm not against doing it, I'm just not ready since I never did that"

Now that's his turn to be red. His eyes widen as he watches you "fuckkk-"

"You should've told me before but damnn-" a smirk started to appear on his face, quite a pervert smirk in your opinion.

You didn't know if it was a big deal or not, you always wanted to wait for the right man and he's the one in front of you.

"Babe we're going to wait as long as your little body is going to be ready for me ~" he purred “Adam !” his arms moved slowly around your hips. His big hands on your smaller body, you skipped a breath

You haven't done anything this night but you noticed that this man was getting horny as fuck. It was not oppressive of course, he would not do that, he doesn't want you to see sex as a burden. Even if he's going to rail you and makes you cum again and again he's waiting for your consent.

So the day you inform you're ready, he's more than happy. He tries to be the most romantic lover possible even if it's quite awkard.

In reality, he just fucking googled how to please a virgin girl. He followed weird tips and put some rose petals on your bed and all. You couldn't help but laugh, he usually has his romantic side but it's not like THAT. It was quite too lovey-dovey but to be honest really cute from him.

he was VERY gentle, very different from everyday were he insult and fight with everyone.

In Adam's head, he was concentrated, he wanted to make it special so you remember that for the rest of your life and from your perception, it was working.

He thought your reactions were cute, "Gnnn, please-", you were reacting with each of his touch. Your body was warm and particularly red from excitation.

But boy, even if he was slow, he wanted to be inside and right now. He was really dominant, you could feel his body and weight on you, your size difference took a part of it.

He touched your panties as he can feel the wetness of it. His smirk appeared again, his breath got heavier. Now it's going to be interesting for both of you !

His touch went a little faster, moving on to your most private parts. He's the first one who's going to see it. He put you panties away and looked your dripping pussy "Ohooo You won't regret waiting babe"

Adam started to lick your inter thigh, humming. Rapidly his tongue found your clit, he licked, sucked and devoured your pussy like he was starving for days and found the most delicious plate in front of him.

And you could definitely tell that, because damn you were feeling pure bliss, your man knew how to please your body. “Yes- sweetie continue-“, you were caressing his head unconsciously

Your pleasure growth, your inside craving him as you moaned his name. You wanted to keep this sweet pleasure but he stopped, you let an annoyed moan from the lack of sensation

He let a deep laugh “don’t worry babe, your cunt is going to be filled and with something better”. You saw his dick and damn you understood why he always was bragging about it, it was massive. “Are you ready to feel the dick of the first man ?” You just let a moan of excitement and spread your legs wider. “That’s my good girl”, he finally pushed it inside of you. You felt pain, it was really big but when he saw you in pain, he stopped and gave a a soft smile.

He kissed you during a time and continued slowly.

It was quite painful but you didn’t want to stop, you were happy to do it with him and were okay with the pain.

However you started to feel some pleasure from it, your hips movements met his. Adam noticed and tried to keep this spot as much as possible. You felt like you were drunk, your head felt heavy “Adam-“

You squeezed around his dick “fuckkk, yes baby- your pussy feel so fucking gooood”. You wrapped your legs around him, scratching his back as he was fucking you.

You started to feel a bigger pleasure growing inside of you. You’re going to cum soon and he knew it. His thrust became faster, at this point you couldn’t stop any moan and just let yourself feel your man. “I got you babe, let yourself go, yes just like that”

He praised you and knew you were getting close “baby let me fuck you right, I can feel that you love my cock, you’re perfect for me “ you moaned as he continued to talk, he also was close “You’re mine and mine only, I’m the first and the last cock you’re going to feel aaah~, promise me that you’re mine oh fuckkk yesss-“

You stared to also praise him, his face went with pure bliss, his blushing got redder, he loved the way you talked to him, praise that baby please he just wants to be a good boy for you.

“Aaah yesss fucking shit, you’re fucking mine and mine only” his last sentence was the start of your orgasm, you felt yourself tightening , a warm liquid blending with his own while he was cummimg, moaning your name and pounding his sperm inside of you.

You were his and he was yours

—

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed ! I don’t really know how to feel since it’s my first fic lol

If you have any suggestion with ships and stories tell me !! And also if the voc I used is weird tell me 🙏

[jellybeanium124]

Chidi Anagonye was raised in Senegal

As Kamilah tells us in season 3, "Chidi" is an Igbo word meaning "God exists" (double checked with Behind the Name)

Chidi's father, Emeka, also has an Igbo Name

The Igbo people are from Nigeria

Nigeria is not close to Senegal. They are about 2,500km/1,550mi apart.

According to Wikipedia, there is not a significant Igbo population in Senegal

Chidi's mother, Ndeye, does have a Senegalese name. (x) (x) (x) (it's not on Behind the Name but several other websites agree that is from the Wolof language in Senegal, so... here's hoping they're right)

Ok so now I have SO many questions about Chidi's family. Did Emeka immigrate to Senegal? Why Senegal? Chidi's birth year is set to about 1982/1983, and the Nigerian government was having crisis after crisis at the time. Colonialism looms large over this entire story for obvious reasons. Nigeria gained independence in 1954, and Senegal in 1959. Nigeria had two coups in 1966, followed by civil war from 1967-1970. There was an oil boom in the 1970s, but obviously the people did not see much of the profits from that as the military government had no interest in raising the standard of living. There was another coup in 1975, and then another in 1976. From the early 80s to 1999, the Nigerian government was a corrupt military dictatorship before democracy was reinstated (x).

In comparison, Senegal had a much more consistent government committed to democracy, diplomacy, and human rights. There was violent conflict and border tensions, but broadly things were more stable, and Wikipedia claims Senegal had "one of the more successful post-colonial democratic transitions in Africa" (x).

All this stuff could never be explored in the show for obvious reasons: it's a comedy (showrun by a white man and made almost entirely by Americans), but I'm still left wondering about it. What was it like for Emeka to move so far away from home? What was it like for Chidi to grow up both Wolof and Igbo, with an Igbo name? How did Emeka keep him in touch with his roots that were thousands and thousands of miles away, or did he encourage assimilation instead? Was this challenging at all for Chidi, growing up?

Also, and I'm going to preface this by saying I am in no position to write this arc/plotline, but I think there's something to be said here, and it could've fit really well into the story if there were west African writers in the writers room who wanted to explore this. Chidi's whole thing is about choice, and he is someone from two different cultures. They could've written a story about Chidi learning not to see himself as two separate halves, but one whole person. But tbh? I don't think they cared to. I'm not sure how much of this is intentional, how much of this implied story of an immigrant leaving his home for greener pastures, falling in love with a woman, and having a baby who then finds making a choice between two things the biggest challenge in the world was intentional, versus how much they just googled "African names." I know Chidi's name is somewhat intentional, given how they explicitly bring up its etymology in season 3, but do they care that the Igbo people are not from or in Senegal? They did seem to forget that Chidi says his native language is French in season 1. Plus they are sorta forced to gloss over the fact that Chidi's actor is American and has an American accent. Or maybe this was 100% intentional and hidden in there for people who either know all of this already or bother to google stuff. I don't know. I just remembered that the Igbo people are from Nigeria and Chidi has an Igbo name, and was pretty sure Chidi didn't say he was Nigerian, so I googled him and went to his fandom wiki page and fell down the rabbit hole from there.

(I am not west African nor do I know much about the histories and cultures of west Africa, so all my sources have been linked in this post, which were Wikipedia and name websites, my apologies if there are any errors in this post, and if there are, please feel free to correct me.)

[mask131]

Body Fat in Greco-Roman Antiquity (transcribed article)

A long time ago I made a post about the depictions of Dionysos/Dionysus/Bacchus as fat. You can read it here if you want - but that was just me going on about stuff taken left and right, nothing too serious, just thoughts.

I want to bring you today a serious article about the perception of the fat body in Ancient Greece and Ancient Rome. This article is actually a page hosted on "Google Arts and Culture", titled "In the Flesh: Body Fat in Ancient Art". It was created by the J. Paul Getty Museum, and you can read it all here. But the website has a really specific design that makes it hard for some people to read the page, so I thought why not help share it around by copying it below. Of course, nothing belongs to me, I am just transcribing it all (plus copying the images). All credits go to the J. Paul Getty Museum.

In the Flesh: Body Fat in Ancient Art

Ancient Greek and Roman writers criticized bodies of different sizes for a variety of reasons. But in works of art, body fat was often depicted in ways that defy our expectations.

A Different Ideal

Terms like "overweight" and "underweight" originate in modern medicine's concept of an ideal body weight. Calculated to minimize mortality risk, this medically desirable weight varies based on such factors as height, age, and fitness.  Ancient Greeks and Romans compared the appearance of their bodies with respect to a more abstract ideal.

For the ancient physician Galen, measurements for the ideal body were expressed centuries earlier in the Canon, a treatise on statue proportions by the 5th-century BC sculptor Polykleitos:

(Male torso, about A.D. 100, Unknown)

"[Neither the overweight nor the underweight body] is in due proportion. But the body which equals the Canon of Polykleitos reaches the summit of complete symmetry."  — Galen, Ars Medica K 343

For the ancient Greeks, precisely measured weight was less important than the perception of symmetry and balance.

They had a term for this desirable state of wellness: εὔ��αρκος (eusarkos), meaning "well-fleshed" or "fleshy."

(Mosaic floor with combat between Dares and Entellus, A.D. 175-200, Unknown)

Because the Greeks prized moderation in all things, bodies or behaviors that stood out from this ideal were targets of criticism. Perhaps surprisingly, this criticism also applied to muscular athletes, such as wrestlers and boxers, who required constant high-calorie diets.

(Statuette of a boxer, unknown)

Big Bodies in Comedy

Mockery of those who ate more or less than necessary was one way to impose social compliance and maintain political order.

(Apulian red-figure bell krater, 370-360 BCE, Cotugno painter)

Many Greek and South Italian vases often depict comic actors wearing "fat suits" (as well as a mask and a phallus) to embody popular character types.  Actors used such props as comic gags, and vase painters often represented them with great care. 

On this Apulian mixing bowl, lines extending across the actor's chest make clear that his large, sagging breasts are artificial. His belly is unnaturally circular and hangs too low — further evidence that he is wearing a costume.

It seems that the painter wanted to pointedly emphasize the exaggerated nature of such costumes. 

Ample Satyrs

Not all depictions of larger bodies were mocking. Animal ears and the double flute identify this figure as a satyr, or a woodland deity. He reclines in a pose that would remind viewers of the satyrs' master, the wine god Dionsyos, who is often depicted reclining at a banquet. 

Instead of on a fancy couch, the chubby old satyr rests on a full wineskin!

(Fragment of an Apulian squat Lekythos, 350-325 BC, Darius painter)

Under tufts of gray hair, lines accentuate the curving folds of the old satyr's body. Unlike the ridiculously artificial bodies of the padded actors, the satyr's big, hairy body is gentle and soft.

Like the plump pillow on which he rests, the satyr appears comfortable and at ease. This scene is meant to be lighthearted, and does not appear cruel or mocking.

(Fresco fragment depicting an old Silenos with kantharos and thyrsos, AD 1-79, Unknown)

Similar attention to detail can be seen in this Roman wall painting of the old satyr Silenus. The painter’s skillful use of red shadows and pink highlights builds up the volume of his chest and stomach, which appear both soft and sturdy at the same time.

These fleshly older satyrs were symbols of pleasure-seeking and leisure.

Fragile Bodies on the Margins

Skinny or underweight bodies were also criticized, in part because of the association between emaciation and illness. Thinness could also negatively reflect on one's character.

(Miniature skeleton, unknown)

Ancient authors often noted a person's skinny frame as a way of pointing out their intellectual or social irrelevance.

The association of thinness and powerlessness is sometimes exploited in representations of enslaved individuals, domestic servants, and those otherwise marginalized in society. 

(Finial with a resting youth, unknown)

On this figurine of a resting youth, the individually shaped ribs might suggest that the figure is undernourished.

In depictions of older individuals, such as this statuette of an old woman, underweight features are often used to indicate frailty. 

(Statuette of an old woman, 100-001 BCE)

Such subjects were popular in the Hellenistic period  (c. 330-31 BC) —a time of unprecedented social inequality — and consciously aestheticized: 

"When we see emaciated people we are distressed, but we look upon statues and paintings of them with pleasure, because imitation, as such, is attractive to the mind's nature."  - Plutarch, Quaestiones convivales 5.1.

Size and Gender

Body fat was also linked to gender, especially in the Roman Empire. While bodies of women were routinely criticized by Roman authors, fluctuation in weight did not render them less feminine. By contrast, both fat and skinny men were explicitly mocked as effeminate, lacking either physical strength or stamina.

Biographies of unpopular Roman emperors often weaponize their body size in this way. Of the emperor Galba, the biographer Suetonius writes, "it is said that he was a heavy eater," immediately before turning to rumors about his inclinations towards "unnatural desires." 

Such fat-shaming seems not to have mattered to the emperors themselves. Their official portraits show little concern for concealing the fullness of their faces.

(Torso of a cuirassed statue, unknown)

The situation may have been different in military affairs. The anxieties Roman men felt about their bodies can be seen in their choice of armor. Their bronze breastplates were decorated with chiseled pectorals and washboard abs, creating the illusion of a skin-tight fit. 

It is unlikely that such breastplates were meant to deceive, any more than the fat suits of comic actors. What they offered to their wearers was the illusion of inhabiting — for a moment — the ideal body of a Polykleitan statue.

Divine Softness

A closer look at ancient art reveals that the bodies of gods were sometimes less harshly judged than those of mortals.      Depictions of certain gods regularly focus on the softer parts of their bodies.

(Bowl with a medallion depicting Dionysos and Ariadne, unknown artist, -100)

The maker of this Hellenistic silver medallion went out of their way to show the curvy bodies of the wine god Dionysus and his wife Ariadne, engraving lines under their bellies to highlight the sensuality of their encounter.

Some popular representations of the love goddess Venus, such as the so-called "Crouching Venus" type, unquestionably emphasize the fleshiness of her body. 

Statue of a Crouching Venus Statue of a Crouching Venus, Unknown, A.D. 100–150, Provenant de la collection : The J. Paul Getty Museum

Modern observers have highlighted the positive associations between fleshiness and fertility expressed by a variety of Greek and Roman authors, but there is more to the story.

The rolls of flesh on the goddess's belly also gave the ancient sculptor a means of creating a very intimate encounter between viewer and goddess.

To ancient viewers of all ages and genders, accustomed to seeing gods represented solemn and upright, the crouching pose allowed a glimpse into the goddess's private world.

The crouching goddess seemed more approachable to worshippers, in part because her body moved in ways they could recognize from their own lived experience. The softness of Venus’s body made the cold, hard marble come to life.

[prod-ddeonu]

TIGHTY WHITIES | p.js

PROLOGUE: core memory

pairing: college! Jay x fem! reader

CW/TW: enemies to lovers, smau, angst, fluff, smut, horrible comedy, slice of life, jay gets exposed BAD, kys jokes, assault, drinking, that's all I think for now

synopsis: You and Park Jongseong have been enemies for years. Heck, the two of you grew up picking fights with each other. A hateful war of tricks and deceit turns from bad to worse, however, when you finally trump him. Nobody can come back from having a photo of themself in tighty whities sent to the entire school, right?

status: ongoing!

taglist: open! (fill out the google form to be added! your user should be tagged on the masterlist and the next chapter after you submit!)

When you were only six years old, you gained your first core memory. On this day, you were dressed to the nines: your hair was in pigtails with little ribbons tied to them, you wore your fanciest pink dress, and your mom even let you wear your cutest flats to your playdate with the cutest boy in first grade!

Park Jongseong, a boy who recently moved from the states and into your class, was a boy that all the girls were trying to share lunchboxes with. Luckily for you, you had an insider working with you. A secret agent, nay, an ally. Codename: Mom.

Your mom was best friends with Jongseong’s mom and dad before they moved overseas. Your little self could stick her tongue out at all the other girls over this fact, but you restrained yourself. You were taught to be modest when you were given a blessing from the heavens, for they do not come to everyone.

As your parents left the two of you to play together, you followed Jongseong to his backyard. He seemed very quiet and didn’t express his happiness to see you well. If you didn’t know any better, you’d have thought he didn’t want you to be there.

As he walked to a walking trail from his yard into the woods, he bent down to tie his shoe. You, still following him, stopped behind him and smiled down at him. He looked up at you with his big eyes and cocked an eyebrow. “What?”

You pulled the best move you could as a preschooler.

Bringing a hand to your cheek, you smiled at him again. “Jongseong-ah, am I pretty?” You cooed. He coughed as he stood up, turning to face away as his ears turned red.

Rather than give you the response you thought he would, he mumbled an “I don’t know.”

You stomped your foot and repeated yourself. “Jongseong-ah, am I pretty?”

The boy stayed silent. Fed up with his silence, tiny you put your hand onto his shoulder. Before you could even begin to ask him what was wrong, his hands flew out and pushed you onto the ground.

“Yah, Jongseong-ah!” You shouted after the boy as he walked away from your tiny body lying on the floor.

He looked at you and scoffed. “Don’t talk to me like we’re friends. I’m taller than you, anyways, so I must be older than you. You’re- You,” he stammers as you tear up, “You’re ugly too! Stinky poopy head!”

You sobbed as he walked away and left you covered in dirt.

That day, when you were six, you gained your first core memory. A boy named Park Jongseong breaking your ego and your heart in one swift movement. And for the first time, you felt a new emotion: hatred.

MASTERLIST | NEXT

[grapenehifics]

Trick or treat! I have a costume on but you can't see it because I've got a giant snowsuit over top in true Canadian Halloween fashion

Ah, in that case I will offer you a steaming mug of hot chocolate or apple cider, your choice, I have both, and also this plot bunny I've had running around my brain for the past couple of days:

Anakin moved to (city housing large university) to attend (said large university) but after a semester or two discovered that formal schooling wasn't doing it for him and he was both making good money with and getting more enjoyment out of his side hustle, custom carpentry, than from his classes and quit, but he still lives in (city). He's had insomnia his whole life and some nights just gives up on sleep and goes out to his backyard/garage converted workshop. There's an old transistor radio out there - maybe it got left behind by the last owners - and he turns it on just to have some background noise while he works.

He's scrolling the dial past all the commercials for personal injury lawyers and lands on some real banger of a song, which he's never heard before but he's into it so he pauses the lathe or whatever he has running and waits to listen for the station to tell him the name of the song so he can look it up later, but after the song ends it pivots straight to some spoken-word poetry thing, and now Anakin's intrigued because, what the hell is this station?

Finally the dj comes on and says okay, folks, that's the end of the show, I'm Ben Kenobi and this has been Guiding Light, thanks for staying up with me. Anakin looks at the dial and realizes he's been listening to the local university student station.

This keeps happening, and Anakin kind of becomes obsessed with Ben Kenobi and Guiding Light. He's only on two or three nights a week, for only a couple of hours at a time, in the middle of the night, and he seems to have no oversight at all because he plays the weirdest mix of stuff - classical, film scores, comedy albums, half of an audiobook, one night he played a Robert Johnson song and then for the next hour nothing but cover versions of that song, the show before Halloween he played the entirety of Orson Welles' War of the Worlds and then one of those 'spooky sounds' albums while reading Edgar Allen Poe short stories on top of it - one time he even said he'd been really caught up in this book he'd been reading and he didn't want to stop long enough to do the show so he was going to give a synopsis of what had happened so far and then read the next chapter out loud on the air. Anakin has no idea what to expect but he knows that he feels less lonely, when Ben is there, and somehow even though Ben has no idea he exists it feels like they're the only two people in the world, out in Anakin's workshop in the middle of the night.

Anakin Googles him, because he's kind of worried that if he's on the university radio station then maybe that means he's some university kid and Anakin has a crush on a nineteen-year-old (even though he doesn't sound anything like a college student), and all he finds is the radio station website, which has a huge page for all their other shows but Guiding Light gets exactly one sentence: "Ben Kenobi has been hosting Guiding Light since 2004". So, probably not a kid, then, but he's got no social whatsoever, no pictures or online presence at all, and Anakin considers driving down to the station but dismisses that as too creepy so he just resigns himself to listening to Ben when he can.

And then one night Ben gets on the air and says, 'I've got nothing planned for tonight and I feel like chatting. Here's the number of the station. Anyone want to talk?'

Anakin swallows, picks up his phone, and dials the number.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Good things that happened today:

I got out of bed instead of letting myself sleep in. It's good to do that to yourself on a work day.

Finished talking about something for my final Owl House review. Will now have fourteen things left...I plan to speed things up at SOME point.

Got to pet two dogs. One was a cute, hairless puppy in a widdle pink coat and the other was a nervous dog who was brave enough to let me pet her. I'm proud of her.

Got to watch the first two episodes of James Gunn's Creature Commandos. Already into it as I love the art style, the cool fight scenes, and James Gunn's usual blend of comedy and drama. One minute I'm laughing over Dr. Phosphorous just playing the roll of an agent of chaos, and the next I feel my guts get twisted up at the sight of The Bride and her dramatic backstory. It's good stuff...but I wish it slowed down a bit, because it already feels like we're at the halfway mark, even though it's episode two of--*Googles*...FUCKING SEVEN?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Can we have LONG TV shows again?! Anyways, pacing issues and bullshit episode lengths aside, this still seems like it'll be a great ride.

Good things about me:

I love my writing.

I have a good sense of my strengths as a writer.

I'm SLOWLY letting myself improve.

I enjoy what I enjoy and I don't care of anyone else's opinions on it.

I'm glad that I let myself like things when I want to.

[reallyunluckyrunaway]

Here Are Some Insanely Good Graphic Novels You Should Definitely Check Out

1. A Guest in the House, by Emily Carroll:

Summary: In this graphic novel by Emily Carroll, a young woman marries a kind dentist only to discover a dark mystery surrounding his former wife’s death.

After many lonely years, Abby’s just gotten married. She met her new husband―a recently widowed dentist―when he arrived in town with his young daughter seeking a new start. Although it’s strange living in the shadow of her predecessor, Abby does her best to be a good wife and mother. But the more she learns about her new husband’s first wife, the more things don’t add up, and Abby starts to wonder...was Sheila’s death really by natural causes? As Abby sinks deeper into confusion, Sheila’s memory seems to become a force all its own, ensnaring Abby in a mystery that leaves her obsessed, fascinated, and desperately in love for the first time in her life.

Rating: ★★★★½

Thoughts: It's been a while since I've been this invested in a graphic novel. This novel gripped my attention, and pulled me in from the jump. The twists, the turns, the constant unease, and the way it left me questioning everything I thought I knew... I was itching to read more and could barely put it down. It's visual fairy telling and contrast between the Dreamworld, and the real world is truly striking. And while the ending left me slightly perturbed, it was still mesmerizing.

2. When I Arrived at the Castle, by Emily Carroll:

Summary: A castle, a killer, and prey all bound and blurred by lust and blood." Like many before her that have never come back, she's made it to the Countess' castle determined to snuff out the horror, but she could never be prepared for what hides within its turrets; what unfurls under its fluttering flags. Emily Carroll has fashioned a rich gothic horror charged with eroticism that doesn't just make your skin crawl, it crawls into it.

Rating: ★★★★

Thoughts: A jaw dropping tour through a vampires castle, where everything is dripping with rich mystery and nothing's quite as it seems... In this gothic story filled to the brim with erotism and lust, culpable violence is the thread that pulls these two together.

3. Isle of 100,000 Graves, by Fabien Vehlmann and Jason:

Summary: A treasure map leads to an island with a terrible secret in Jason’s new graphic novel. Five years ago, little Gwenny’s father found, inside a bottle, a map with instructions on how to reach the mysterious Isle of 100,000 Graves and its legendary treasures ― and then he vanished. Now Gwenny, having stumbled across another bottle-shipped map, enlists the dubious help of a shipful of pirates, sets out to find the island, and her long-lost dad.Little does she realize that the Isle comes by its ominous name honestly, as the location of a secret school for executioners and torturers, where apple-cheeked youngsters are taught the finer points of extracting information from prisoners… and then putting an end to their lives in a wide variety of gruesome ways. And they’ve reached the point in their studies where theory should ideally give way to practice, so an influx of uninvited visitors comes as a blessing to the faculty. And yes, this story is a comedy. Albeit a dark one.

Rating: ★★★½

Thoughts: The concept of an island full of a secret medieval executioner society, is admittedly hilarious. I thought the ending was strange, a little unfulfilling, but it was one that I appreciate more as time passes. I wish we got some more answers to clarify certain things and events though. Specifically when it comes to the secret our pirate guide holds. I kept thinking: "Are they really going to blue ball me like this?!" (Note: Google straight up removed my review because I used the term: "blue balled.") 🤣

4. Funny Creek, by Rafael Scavone:

Summary: Lilly is a smart girl in the 1980’s who (quite literally) falls into her favorite cartoon: The Funny Creek Show. But this joyful experience will soon become dramatic when her cartoon hero, the Sheriff Clumsy, shows himself in a darker light than she expected.

Rating: ★★★½

Thoughts: I liked the plucky art style, it strongly reminded me of Gravity Falls. The colors were vibrant and the town was lively. The main character likes to think of herself as someone kind and righteous. She's obsessed with a show about a sheriff clown named: Clumsy. A heroic and goofy protagonist that spends his days protecting the residents of Funny Creek.

But Clumsy isn't actually all that heroic as it turns out... And Lilly's world is shattered. How will she get back home? And can she free the townfolk from the tyrant?

While I enjoyed this comic run, I couldn't help but wish the ending was explored in depth and I wished some things were explained more thoroughly. Some questions were answered, and some threads were left dangling. I enjoyed the parallels between Lilly and Clumsy and how heroes aren't all they seem. Lilly is angry to find out her hero is a cowardly snake, and she has to come to terms with her own shortcomings in the process.

5. Stray Dogs, by Tony Fleecs:

Summary: It's scary being the new dog.In this suspenseful new series, readers meet Sophie, a dog who can't remember what happened. She doesn't know how she ended up in this house. She doesn't recognize any of these other dogs. She knows something terrible happened but she just... can't... recall... Wait! Where's her lady? It's all coming back to her now, and it's enough to raise Sophie's hackles. Now Sophie has to figure out where she is, what's happening and how she's going to survive this.They say there's no such thing as a bad dog, just bad owners. STRAY DOGS is a heartbreakingly adorable suspense thriller by My Little Pony comic artists TONY FLEECS and TRISH FORSTNER. It's Lady and the Tramp meets Silence of the Lambs.

Rating: ★★★½

Thoughts: Stray Dogs, written by Tony Fleecs and illustrated by Trish Forstner, follows a group of canine friends that wouldn't be out of place in a G -RATED movie. But instead of discovering the power of friendship, they use their limited detective skills to uncover that their new owner, is in fact, a serial killer. Stray dogs, is a strange mix of a cute Disney movie, meets "Silence of the Lambs." The overarching mystery pulled me in instantly, and the hits kept coming...

(I felt similarly about this ending, as I did, with Funny Creek's. And I'll definitely reread it again sometime.)

[schizodiaries]

(I typed out a whole thing and then Tumblr erased it when I went to Google a spelling, everyone say "Boo Tumblr")

There's a horror webseries called Marble Hornets. There's a character called Tim who's technically not psychotic (it's actually the effects of being followed by "The Operator") but he believes he may have been diagnosed as schizophrenic when he was a child. His actor, also named Tim, has had people with schizophrenia/epilepsy (the character also has seizures) reach out and say how much his character meant to them. I once broke the skin on my palm from clenching my fist so tight during a scene where Tim goes back to the now-abandoned hospital where he was a patient and has flashbacks to his time there. Trigger warning on that series for paranoia. (The same creators did a comedy webseries called Troy Has a Camera and my friends and I love to quote the episode Joseph Touches a Grapefruit. Tim Opens a Present is a hit at Christmas.)

There's a book I know is flawed but I stumbled upon it by coincidence at the library during my first big episode so it has stuck with me. It's called Made You Up by Francesca Zappia and it's about a teenage girl named Alex who has schizophrenia. I think of that book every time I see a lobster tank at a grocery store.

Classic tumblr, deleting posts before we get to finish writing them. Boo tumblr!

I have heard of Marble Hornets! I never watched or experienced it firsthand, but I’ve seen horror/ARG YouTubers cover it and it seems really interesting to me. I have heard of one of the characters possibly being schizophrenic but wasn’t sure if it was confirmed. Actually, now that you bring up Marble Hornets, a lot of the ARG/unfiction genre tends to remind me of my psychosis, for the same reasons I mentioned about the weirdcore genre. I was really into things like The Sun Vanished and Local 58 around the same time I got into weirdcore, during the recovery phase of my psychosis.

I have not heard of that book, but i can relate to liking flawed media. Sometimes certain shows or books find you at vulnerable times in your life, and whether or not they’re “good” isn’t really relevant. What matters more is the effect it leaves on us. I’m not gonna say the name of the show because it’s honestly kind of shit and I don’t want to give it any attention. But there’s one show that was directed or produced by the infamous Ryan Murphy that left such an impact on me and I thought about it a lot during my psychosis. It had nothing to do with psychosis, but it still stuck with me in a weird way.

[fairfieldthinkspace]

William Wyler: A Master Filmmaker Revisited

By Jay Rozgonyi

Associate Vice Provost for Pedagogical Innovation & Effectiveness

Director, Center for Academic Excellence

Instructor of both Educational Technology and Film Studies

How about this for a great Final Jeopardy question under the category The Oscars: “He’s the Hollywood director with the most Best Director nominations (12), the most Best Picture nominations (13), and the most acting nominations in his films (36).” Pretty good, I’d say. But chances are that the question will never be used—not because I’m not a staff writer for the show, but also because the answer would likely be considered too hard for most contestants, even serious film fans.

That they wouldn’t be able to name William Wyler is unfortunate, as he was one of the truly great filmmakers of the 20th century. A lot of his movies are well known: Wuthering Heights, Ben-Hur, Roman Holiday, Mrs. Miniver, The Best Years of Our Lives, Funny Girl… I could go on and on. But unlike Alfred Hitchcock and suspense, or John Ford and Westerns, Wyler didn’t focus on a particular genre; instead—as the list of films I just mentioned demonstrates—he moved from comedy to drama to romance to historical epic. Because of that, he was brushed aside by the critics of the 1960s and 1970s, who considered him a gifted Hollywood studio director but thought that he lacked a coherent artistic vision. In fact, Wyler’s highly diverse output was the result of a quest for innovation and a desire to challenge himself by always trying something new throughout a career that lasted nearly 50 years.

If you Google William Wyler filmmaking style, you’ll learn about the way he carefully composed his shots, staggered his actors from deep in the frame to extremely close up, and staged dialogue scenes with few cuts so all the characters are visible at the same time—all directorial techniques that demonstrate his meticulous craftsmanship. I see another element to his films, however, which hasn’t received much attention at all: a steadfast attention to social justice and basic human morality. Once you look for these themes, it’s as easy to spot as his striking camera setups and his precise use of light and shadow. Wyler’s firm sense of conscience comes out in the nuances of his stories and the characters who inhabit them, and in the subtle ways they speak to the issues of their respective days. We see it in 1937’s Dead End, where the Depression has left families broken and juveniles with little sense of hope for their future. We see it in 1946’s The Best Years of Our Lives, where GIs returning from World War II confront a home front that seems to have moved beyond them and their sacrifices, and toward a future focused on making money and assailing anyone who might be a “Commie.” And we see it in 1970’s The Liberation of L.B. Jones, Wyler’s last film and in many ways his most courageous—a brutally honest look at racism in America and the dehumanization it brings upon us all. 

Over the course of 2024, Fairfield University is celebrating the career of William Wyler with an undergraduate course devoted to his work, a series of film screenings at the Fairfield Bookstore on the Post Road, and an exhibition of materials from his private collection titled William Wyler: Master Filmmaker, Man of Conscience, which will be on display at the DiMenna-Nyselius Library from September through December. We’re just a few years away from the 125th anniversary of Wyler’s birth in 1902, so this seems like a good time for a lot more people to get acquainted with the man and his films. Then, perhaps, by 2027, the Final Jeopardyanswer might even be too easy for contestants to ponder. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Fairfield University’s celebration of the life and work of William Wyler would not be possible without the generous support of his daughters, Catherine and Melanie Wyler. We thank them for all that they’ve done to enable us to share their father’s work with our community.

The following movie screenings will be open to the public at 6:30 p.m. on these dates at the Fairfield University Downtown Bookstore, located at 1499 Post Road, Fairfield, Conn.:

April 9: The Best Years of Our Lives (1946); guests: Melanie Wyler (in person) and Catherine Wyler (via Zoom).

October 1: The Desperate Hours (1955); guests: Melanie Wyler (in person) and Catherine Wyler (via Zoom); other Wyler family members may attend via Zoom.

November 19: The Liberation of L.B. Jones(1970); guests: Melanie Wyler (in person) and Catherine Wyler (via Zoom); other Wyler family members may attend via Zoom.

[watari-apologist]

MISSION BATHROOM: End Notes

(translations under the cut, run through google translate and edited for coherence to the best of my non-japanese speaking ability)

RIGHT PAGE:

Hello everyone, it's nice to meet you! My name is Uchoten. I loved L so much that I couldn't accept his death, so I stayed away from Death Note for a while, but the ending of the movie finally filled me with a sense of relief. I think the most appropriate ending for L and Light is mutual destruction. However, I also love the Wammy's Kids, so I wish Near, Mello and Matt had appeared in some way... I wonder if we can look forward to a spin-off in this vein. I can't wait. This time I drew an erotic manga about Watari, but any form of fanwork is fun as long as L is included. Whether topping, bottoming, or switching. Whether straight or gay, virgin or slut. But no matter who he falls in love with, in the end it always comes back to Watari. It's a delusion. It's an obsession. Normally in my work, I draw various kinds of penises, such as large and uncircumcised ones, but this was my first time drawing an old gentleman's big penis and erection. I learned a lot. In this doujinshi, he's wearing a condom, but I wonder if there are situations where he fucks raw. I wonder if he might even cum inside. For an anniversary...? Depending on the mood that day...? The possibilities are endless. Next time, I would like to create a new issue for Comic City Osaka and Death Note's exclusive event. A Light versus L shower endurance comedy manga. An erotic story about Chief Yagami and L's interactions based on the ending of the movie version. If you didn't enjoy this book, please pick up the next one. Although I am a rude person who can only express love in terms of eroticism, I work hard. And finally, once again, with Wammy's. Watari's book. In both the original work and the movie, L couldn't do anything by himself, so I'm glad that Watari was waiting for him in front of the gates of heaven. In the world of Death Note, it's said that when you die, you go to nothingness, but Watari seems to have a love that goes beyond that. Well, let's meet again when the new year is over.

LEFT PAGE:

You are my black jewel MISSION BATHROOM Publication date: 31 December 2006 Publisher: Luciferhood Creator: Uchoten Printing shop: Suzuto Shadow Printing Contact: traffics@u-cho.net Thank you for subscribing. This is an adult rated magazine. Viewing and possession by minors is prohibited. I love you so much that you can rest in peace

(please note that the email address listed is no longer in use. trust me, i tried emailing the creator back when i was still looking for a physical copy of the doujin and it bounced lol)

[sasquapossum]

Finally got home again. Left last Monday. Some random notes, in no particular order.

It's a long-ass drive. 18 hours according to Google Maps, but realistically at least a couple of hours more before you even count breaks.

The worst pedestrian-hostile "stroad" I've ever seen is in Erie PA. Very convenient if you're passing through or (I suppose) trying to buy something, but I think I'd hate to live there. I meant to go for a run that morning, because I don't have Pennsylvania on my list yet, but I just couldn't find a route that didn't make me want to quit running so I slept in an extra half hour.

My wife's snoring has to be heard to be believed. I see all this jokes about snoring husbands, but they strike me as a bit sexist TBH. Earplugs - and I have good ones - aren't enough. The first two nights I slept on awful sofabeds to at least get a bit of distance. The other nights I just slept poorly.

My daughter's dorm-room situation seems much better too. It's bigger, with a very nice lake view, vs. a tiny room with a view of a trash-strewn rooftop at Union. Her room-mate (trans-fem) seems cool too, and I suspect she'll make friends more easily on that thematic hall than she would elsewhere. That addresses one of our biggest worries. The dining hall (in the next dorm) also seems like a bit of an upgrade. It is a bit far from some of the academic buildings she'll be visiting, though (psych building in particular is at the other end of a big campus), so we'll see how that works out in the dead of winter.

The greater campus and city also seems like a big upgrade from Union/Schenectady. Nothing against either, but AFAICT Madison deserves its reputation as one of the best college towns. BTW I'm saying that as someone who attended UMich and lived in Ann Arbor for almost a decade. I feel like a traitor.

Illinois drivers are still the worst. We went through seven states on this trip, including Massachusetts and New York which each have their own bad reputations, and I've driven in plenty of others. Everyone thinks their drivers are the worst, but in Illinois they're right (as far as the US is concerned anyway).

Jamestown NY, and the general Lake Chautauqua area, seems like a real under-appreciated gem. There are many natural attractions, the National Comedy Center, Southern Tier Brewing Company (the whole reason I first went there back in May), and so much more. I was delighted when my wife said, "It's so nice here, can we extend our stay another day?" Seriously, it's looking-at-rental-prices good.

Here's a picture from Paradise Rocks, which is a fantastic little park near Lake Chautauqua. Even my friend who grew up nearby hadn't heard of it, but the narrow passage in the picture is one of many throughout the place and they're massive fun to explore. We spent two and a half hours on a barely one-mile circuit.

And here's something I hardly ever do - a picture of my lovely daughter, happy to be at her new home for the next eight or nine months. Her outfit got so many positive comments, especially (and surprisingly) from older people.

[historyhermann]

What the World Thinks of "Velma"

A compilation of some headlines about Velma from various publications since the series debuted in January 2023, showing different views of the series.

Since its debut on HBO Max on January 12, 2023, Velma, the mature animated mystery horror comedy series has made the rounds either on social media platforms like Tumblr, Facebook, and Tik Tok, or in rants by YouTubers, who are hate-watching the series while trying to monetize off people's anger. The series reception has been mixed, with reported "overwhelmingly negative" reviews from the audience, if the show's Wikipedia page is to be believed, with reviewers focusing on issues with the show itself.

Reprinted from Pop Culture Maniacs and Wayback Machine. This was the twenty-sixth article I wrote for Pop Culture Maniacs. This post was originally published on March 9, 2023.

Reviewers have argued that the audience reception of Velma is negative, citing audience scores from Rotten Tomatoes, commentary by people on Twitter, low ratings on IMDB, Metacritic, and Google. However, none of those scores are a reliable measure of whether a series, film, or other media is worthwhile to watch. In fact, there is the phenomenon of review bombing, which is undoubtedly the case with Velma, as it was with High Guardian Spice and Magical Girl Friendship Squad. It is when a small group of people give a series, film, or other media, low ratings, causing the overall rating to plummet.

This is further evidenced by the fact that RWBY, a captivating young adult animated series which recently began its ninth season/volume this year, has only about 6,500 ratings on IMDB, while Velma has over 70,000. Over those "users", about 87% gave the rating of 1 star. Furthermore, the fact that Velma has tens of thousands more ratings than Steven Universe or She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, both of which ran for multiple seasons, makes it clear that people review-bombed the series.

One of the many reviews of the series came from Parade magazine. The publication declared that the series premiere "fell flat" with fans, citing Twitter users who called it a "disappointment", and stated that the show downplayed the #MeToo movement. It also noted that some on the social media platform claimed the show had a writing style of making "brown girls that hate themselves," portraying Indian girls as "losers", made Velma a self-insert for Mindy Kaling (who voices Velma), and called it "vulgar". To add to this, on the show's official account, in tweets possibly written by Kaling in the tone of her character, Daphne is described as a character who will be known "for much more than being hot", implying that Velma has feelings for her. Additionally, Velma expresses jealousy that Daphne has two "hilarious moms" and describes them as "Daphne’s police officer moms".

While there is no doubt that the comedic writing of the series isn't always the best, it admittedly flew over my head at times, I don't believe there are any self-hating characters. While Velma seems that she is "self-hating", in reality, she gets more depth as the series moves forward. No character is, by the end of the first season, shown as a loser. In terms of vulgarity, it is important to remember that vulgar means "of the common people", and it can be a charge leveled against LGBTQ+ people (and content).

In contrast, Ed Power of The Telegraph, a conservative British tabloid, claimed that the series "sexualized" teens, has "juvenile humor" and treats Fred as a stereotype. He also said the series is not "clever or subversive", but it rather an "accumulation of bad decisions", and claimed that the "left" and "right" united against the series. He also declared that some online had taken issue with Kaling's political views.

While I'm not sure about her exact political views are, apart from speaking out against White producers, it is important to remember she is only an executive producer of the series and is not even the series creator (that's Charlie Grandy). So, it seems wrong to say the series is "hers". Otherwise, Fred is no stereotype, as his character somewhat grows over the course of the series.

As noted earlier, some people have criticized Kaling's views, including when she liked a tweet of transphobe J.K. Rowling at one point. However, she is only part of the crew, as there are many other people working on Velma. In any case, it is better to examine the show's positives and negatives instead of just on the views of one individual.

Furthermore, other than the shower scene in the first episode (which seems to be a reference to similar scenes in horror films), it does not appear that the series sexualizes anyone. Velma has nothing like the ecchi-esque themes in My Dress-Up Darling, cringe-worthy scenes in Akebi's Sailor Uniform, sexual assault in Citrus, or the protagonist of The Great Jahy Will Not Be Defeated!, Jahy, who wears a dirty long t-shirt and shorts (and a revealing outfit after she transforms into her demon form for temporary period of time). All of these series have fan service up the wazoo. In contrast, Velma does not have that.

As for being "clever" and "subversive", I would argue that Velma was never attempting to do either. Nor is the series a complete waste of time and energy as Nadria Goffe of Slate argued. I disagree with Goffe's claim that the show is misogynist, based on actions in the series by female characters and the fact that some (like Velma's stepmom) are toxic. At the same time, I agree that "race-swapped rebranding" can be good, when its done well.

One of the more interesting aspects of Velma is how many of the relationships of the protagonists with their families are rocky, and unhealthy. There are too many series, especially in animation, which portray families as positive and without problems. While that is the case for some people, it isn't the case for many others. One example of this is how Velma doesn't always get along with her dad, and even less with her stepmother, and another instance is how controlling Fred's parents can be of his life. This contrasts with Norville, who remains supported by his parents through it all.

It also differs from the relationship Daphne has with her two detective moms. The series bucks the trope of finding your "real" parents, since Daphne believes that she is reconnecting with her birth parents (Brenda and Darryl), who are members of the Crystal Mines gang,. But, it turns out they are just manipulating her. Even so, the reunion of Velma with her two moms afterward cannot compare with the heartfelt revelation of Turanga Leela's two parents in the fourth season of Futurama.

Goffe states that they don't know who the show is made for. I'd presume that the series is made for Indian-American women, and other adults, but that's just my guess. I also disagree with the argument by Shirley Li, of The Atlantic, that the series punishes its audience for being invested in the characters. In fact, I would argue that the series does reward viewers to some extent, as Daphne and Velma, especially, become more relatable, despite their personality flaws, in some regards.

Aysia Iftikar of Pink News noted that fans have relentlessly criticized the series, citing the show for "perpetuating stereotypes against South Asian women...poor attempts at self-aware comedy and...losing the essence of what people love about the Scooby Doo gang." She also stated that some took issue with the "crude" adult humor and said the show "annihilated" the character of Velma in previous iterations. Those are of Indian descent would have a different view of the series than me, as a White man, so I can't, personally, speak to any possible stereotypes in the series when it comes to South Asian women. On the other hand, I agree with those who argue that Kaling is being held to an "impossible standard" as compared to other producers and creators.

Much of the aforementioned criticism seems to stem from the fact that Velma is a stark contrast from its predecessors. There is no rule that reboots or revivals have to be the same as the original series. To give an example, The Proud Family: Louder and Prouder is different from The Proud Family, as it is more glitzy than its predecessor. So, it is no surprise that Velma would not have the same structure, humor, or plot than those Scooby-Doo series that came before it, which were aimed at all-ages, rather than adults. This is especially the case since Scooby-Doo is not part of the series, which is an understandable decision.

Comments by the above-mentioned reviewers pale in comparison to Taylor Henderson's review on Pride.com, which states that Velma doesn't "live up to the hype" and is a "crude, cliche, self-aware...incoherently violent...thinking mess of a series". He adds that bisexual energy from Velma and Daphne doesn't "save" the series. The latter sentiment was echoed by Heather Hogan of Autostraddle. While there is undeniably "hype" around the series, and it surely is crude and cliche, and even self-aware, I have to laugh at the comment about "incoherent" violence in the series.

The series is much tamer, in its violence, than the Indian Tegulu blockbuster film, RRR, which includes a scene of British colonists mauled by wild animals, the extreme violence in Akiba Maid War (especially in the first episode), the blood-filled scenes throughout The Legend of Vox Machina, or the occasionally gruesome scenes in gen:LOCK, especially in the last season. Perhaps Velma is a mess, as Henderson points out, but it has some merits.

Joshua Alston of Variety magazine posed similar arguments, calling the series "irreverent to a fault", designed to be "labeled a childhood-ruining travesty", and said while Velma centers Velma's queer identity, it is not groundbreaking. Alston also says the characters are "unpleasant" to spend time around, notes the number of pop culture references and referential jokes", and asks why the show needs to exist at all.

Alston makes good points, in terms of the number of reference to pop culture or referential jokes, and the fact that the show isn't groundbreaking, considering the recent LGBTQ animated characters in The Proud Family: Louder and Prouder, RWBY: Ice Queendom, Dead End: Paranormal Park, and Star Trek: Lower Decks, to name a few. At the same time, I would argue that the characters are designed to be unpleasant and not-all-together likable. I see a likeness to the Never Have I Ever protagonist Devi Vishwakumar. She is not the most likable person, and can be a jerk to people, with her behavior said to make her a "real person" in the eyes of some.

Angie Han, TV critic for The Hollywood Reporter, takes a different tact. She says that the series employs many common tropes, is extremely self-aware, is like Riverdale, and states that the characters are "joke-delivery machines" rather than individuals. She further says that Velma doesn't lose sight of the affection for the heroine, has thoughtful and emotionally honest moments, and criticizes the emphasis on "snark over heart," noting that is something the show could "stand to consider for itself."

In terms of the reviewers I noted so far in this post, I agree with Han above any of the others because she is more fair and less negative. One of the show's weaknesses is that it falls in line with the same tropes in shows like Riverdale, just as Wednesday does repeatedly. But, Velma does not include the harmful anti-Black underones that Wednesday has, in part because Black characters are not villains in this series. The jokes can be stale and the pop culture references will mean little if it is watched a few years from now, just as similar humor in Futurama doesn't land as well now as it did when it aired. On the other hand, the show's emotional honesty and thoughtfulness at times are some of the strongest moments.

There are a few more reviews I'd like to mention before ending this post. One of those is from Liz Shannon Miller in Consequence. She argues that there is "too much jammed into this series" and that there is "no clear focus". She also states that the series feels toned down as compared to mature animation currently in development, while truing to be "super-edgy".

On the other hand, Miller praises the voice acting and the "bright, poppy, and fun" animation, and criticizes the writing as inadequate. I'd have to agree as the writing can be lackluster, but would say that although the show's focus can be disparate, it is be strongest when Velma or Daphne are solving mysteries of their own, whether about birth parents (in the case of Daphne) or an evil scientist switching brains (in the case of Velma).

Richard Roeper of the Chicago Sun-Times and Darren Franich of Entertainment Weekly said the same thing as Miller. Roeper criticized the jokes and humor as exhausting, the writing as subpar, while praising the casting as diverse. Franich described the show as a "new bland, a deconstructed canonical bonanza pulled right off the corporate assembly line" and stated that Harley Quinn, also on HBO Max, is better constructed, and stronger, an argument with some merit. This is undoubtedly the case as Velma does try and poke at storytelling methods, like flashbacks and callbacks, but Harley Quinn does the same more effectively.

The views of Roeper and Miller are aligned with what is stated on the show's Rotten Tomatoes page: that the show has "plenty of attitude and style" but does not have the "first clue for how to turn its clever subversion into engaging fun." For one, I would argue that the series is more dramatic than funny, although it's writing can be lacking, it is not bland. It is different than previous iterations, but is not "subversive". Kaling, herself, never described the series that way.

In an October 2022 review, she told Entertainment Weekly that it was fun to voice Velma, that she and Charles? Grandy were "inspired by Into the Spider-Verse", said that with animation they could do anything, and stated "the essence of Velma is not necessarily tied to her whiteness...I identify so much as her character...so many people do...[so we decided,] let's make her Indian in this series." She further said that Velma is the hart of the show, that she is a "big fan of Scooby Doo," and that Velma felt like the best character "to handle a scarier environment" similar to Veronica Mars and Riverdale. In addition, Grandy said the idea of the series is not to "completely replace" previous shows, but just to be a "one little weird ice planet in the Scoobyverse."

In his article, Toon4Thought puts it well. He argued that he didn't mind changes to characters or get behind the "visceral hatred" for Velma Instead, he criticized the show's writing and praised the actual mystery as "engaging enough". He added that the writing for the characters feels "very haphazard" and more like Family Guy than a dramatic character-driven story. Even so, he argued that the show could use a rewrite to fix inconsistencies in characters and balance humor, but  said that people were disingenuous with approaching the series, especially with claims it was a "franchise killer". He concluded by saying that, overall, the show was a letdown, with clumsy and unfocused writing, and said that while an audience can demand better and rip media to shreds, "we also can and should not be assholes about it."

I have to agree with Toon4Thought, even more than others I've mentioned in this post. Before Velma, I've watched shows strongly disliked, by a core group of people, such as gen:LOCK and High Guardian Spice, and especially enjoyed watching the latter. However, Velma was nothing like either of those series. Sometimes, the show made good points, like in the seventh episode when Velma crossdresses as a guy named "Manny", everyone appreciates her worst qualities, and the series makes fun of how a guy can "do anything" and their male power. In addition, there is a social commentary in the final episode about human experimentation, corporate power, and even hypnosis. However, the latter is not as evocative as that in Jordan Peele's well-known horror film, Get Out, where the protagonist, Chris Washington, is hypnotized to purportedly "cure" his addiction to smoking.

This brings me to two reviews from CBR. In the first of these, by Sean Migalla, argued that the series "struggled" through the first season, with a "lack of commitment" to plotlines, but can "find its footing" in a second season. He also said the second season wouldn't be under the microscope as much as the first season. The second, by Joshua M. Patton, argued that the show is indicative of an "identity crisis" among new owners of HBO Max (Warner Bros. Discovery), calling it a "callous remixing" of Scooby-Doo which would do better if it was family-friendly. He concludes that it pushed boundaries in "desperate reach for an edge" and is formulaic in contrast to Harley Quinn.

Part of what Migalla and Patton are talking about is indicative in episode 8 of Velma, which appears to make fun of flashbacks and their use in storylines, with the flashbacks of each of the main characters intersecting with each other. That same episode further reinforces their arguments, as there are many intersecting plotlines, callbacks to the original series, and romantic drama. Patton is right that the show tries to be edgy. For example, in episode 9, Norville makes fun of Teddy Roosevelt as a murderous imperialist, but never expands upon his one-off comment. The new owners of HBO Max may be in a bit of a crisis of identity over the company's new CEO, David Zaslav, engaging in a content purge, angering many animators.

Apart from these reviews is an article by Kate Francis in Digital Spy. She notes the "abject disappointment" of fans over Velma, and hopes that the series can take in the feedback of fans and "come back swinging with fresh Scooby content soon." While I have my criticisms of the series, I hope that what Francis is talking about happens, and the second season of the series allows the show to blossom, coming back even stronger than before.

© 2023 Burkely Hermann. All rights reserved.

[ruminate88]

The Truth About The Road To Recovery ❤️‍🩹

in this process of healing I find it easier to just reminisce on the more Pleasant or the more intimate conversations I had with my ex Andrew…… As I’ve gone along, I found that healing over Andrew was not what I thought it was. I thought just moving on and getting married was enough and just keeping no contact would make me move on. It’s easy not to text him because I know the consequences it could possibly bring: first off, Andrew could still have the same drama he had when we were together, he could still lie to me and trick me. Also, it could affect my current relationship and I could lose that forever and be left with nothing. I don’t wanna be left with nothing! my heart just can’t take anymore abandonment I can’t take any more disappointment or hurt. Life is about getting tough, my whole life I’ve heard the quote, “when the going gets tough, the tough gets going!” And sometimes it seems really really hard to do or it seems too painful or you find yourself just wanting to turn around because you just don’t see how you’re going to get up that hill, but you can’t discredit all the mountains you’ve already climbed! I mean look at how far I’ve come!!

I refuse to google my ex Andrew, because I know it’s only going to upset me and make me sad. It’s only going to further my obsession with him, and I’ve been obsessed with him ever since I met him. He created this great obsession between us, the way, he manipulated me consistently lied to me , made me false promises, dangled the carrot in front of me, only to pull it away when I was grabbing for it, there was times that I really believed I was falling so hard for Andrew and it felt so amazing. I never felt anything like it before. It was just like the movies!!!! It was exactly what I had long for, all the times I watched those romantic comedy movies and I wanted that to be my crazy love story so bad and when I was with Andrew, there were times I thought, “oh this is just like the movies. It’s so amazing!!” But as amazing as it was, it does not compare to the disappointment, and the deep hurt and betrayal, that Andrew caused…

I say that I forgive Andrew so many times: I don’t text him, I don’t bother him, and I certainly don’t get involved with his personal life. I leave him be, I let him live his life, he can do whatever he wants and I will stay out of his way. I don’t want anything from him! I miss the lies that he told me 🥴 I feel terrible every time I do, but I know that that’s only human of me to miss the lies because the lies were so good but they were lies. I can’t forget that they weren’t real.

then I feel bad, because I compare my current relationship to my old one, and what I have in my current relationship is more real, more stable, healthy, peaceful it’s everything I need, but sometimes it feels boring, sometimes it feels too quiet or it feels like I’m missing something… and then I feel like why do I want more? Why can’t I just enjoy what I have? I know I won’t find what I’ve got anywhere else! There is no one like my current relationship. I’ve searched and searched and searched, and there is NO ONE as nice, and as kind and so hard-working or dependable as my spouse. I try so hard to appreciate him. I try very hard to be the best wife I can!!! I mean, I do everything for him; cook and clean, pack his lunch for work, get up with him at 3 AM for work…… But I often miss the exciting and mysterious conversations I had with Andrew…. It’s sickening!!

it’s disheartening and sickening that Andrew would dangle such a shiny carrot in front of me, only to pull it away and to make me believe we could have this exciting life together! Yet we have nothing but lies and deceit and he cheated and he’s not a good person for me and I don’t want to hate him and I don’t want to put him down and I’ve been angry over him but I don’t wanna continue to say bad things about him. It makes me feel bad!!!!!! I don’t want to put him down but yet I can’t forget how bad he made me feel about myself. And HOW COME, somehow, I can continually overlook ALL OF THAT and find it in my heart that I still care so much???????? I still wonder about him and I wonder if he’s OK and I still would hold him and I still would support him , but I know that that probably doesn’t mean anything to him. I just don’t understand any of it. 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

I get emotionally exhausted!! My mind just overthinks and overthinks some more about everything!! I just don’t know what to do! It all seems WAY over my head a lot of times but I keep telling myself the fact that I’m so tired and that it’s getting difficult makes me think that I’m that much closer to healing. ❤️‍🩹 I often feel like I’m on the brink of healing, but then I’m nervous; What’s on the other side?

I don’t want to forget Andrew! I know I meant nothing to Andrew, but he meant a lot to me. I don’t even know why, 😔 because he’s not a good guy. He had all these other girlfriends behind my back: he lied and cheated behind my back. Why would I think he’s a good guy?

Why doooooo I think so much about him? Why do I feel so much for him? Why was there such an attraction to him? Why did I want him so so so badly? I did want him so badly! he pulled me out of my comfort zone. Sometimes I pushed myself to do things that I normally wouldn’t do for anybody out of fear, but I overcame some of my fears because I wanted him! I wanted to love him 😢 I wanted to have kids with him and I know that’s not good and I know he wouldn’t want that. He only pretended to want it and I don’t know why, and I’ll never know why he chose me to pretend with me. After a year, he said that he pretended all of his feelings to lead me on… Who spends a year with someone and it’s all pretend? How sickening is that?

All I can say now to anyone else that is in a similar position, trying to heal over emotional abuse like me all: I can tell you don’t give up on yourself! you’re not crazy, you didn’t imagine the relationship! It was all real to you! Your feelings were real! You cared about that person you don’t know why. You don’t know why they chose you, you don’t know why they used you, you don’t know what they got out of it all; despite all the hurt and pain, they were a person that was once important to you, even if it was all based on a lie. 😣 I don’t know what to tell you other than lies ARE lies, and the truth is better for you 🙏🏻 You should want more for yourself and you should want to better yourself and hope better for them and you can’t change or control the past you have to deal with it and it’s not easy and it doesn’t feel good and it’s hurtful and painful and it’s exhausting too. And your mind consistently goes back-and-forth , because you have all these opinions and emotions for this person.

You are not alone! I also am in a similar thought process and I feel guilty that it’s been all these years later and I’m STILL feeling this way towards my ex… (ugh I get stuck thinking about the times he was so romantic towards me and it sucks) so you’re not alone if it’s been a long time for you too, and you’re still struggling to let go of your person of your past that meant so much to you and for me, I t’s not just one person; it’s multiple people in my past that I held so close to my heart and I cared a great deal about them ALL and I will always care about them😭😭😭 (That is what it feels like) It feels like I’ll never run out of love for them. I only hope that one day I can have that same love and compassion for my own self…… ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 it’s so scary and difficult to love me above my exes! Why???????