#I give them all low emotive autism in my head so it’s better

[geoblitzz]

So the Zelda franchise.

It’s great, I love it, not much of a gamer myself (because I SUCK at it) but I know a decent amount of lore and absolutely love the gameplay.

But while consuming Tears of The Kingdom content, I realized what it is about Zelda that keeps it from becoming a hyperfixation for me.

The facial expressions and general emotiveness is low across Zelda stuff, at least what I’ve seen.

And at first I thought it was just my evil writer brain, like I want to see Link cry and break down etc, but I realized I also want to see his smile. I want Link to laugh and spin Zelda around when he saves her, and I want Zelda to cry and laugh and shout-

Im a sensory seeking autistic, and I LOVE when characters have big feelings. I get a lot of big feelings and it makes me happy when characters do too.

everything else about Zelda is prime to be a hyperfixation for me- epic lore, cool world, tons of timelines and versions to play with- but the lack of big feelings holds me back.

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Side B Round 1 Match 11

Propaganda:

Mikey -

"This is a headcanon that didn’t originally occur to me, but then I encountered it in the wild, and something in my brain kinda lit up like ‘!!!’. I couldn’t stop turning the idea over in my head, like a slow roasting marshmallow, getting dangerously close to an open flame. So, here we are. First of all, Mikey is the leader of a biker gang. He has an immense interest in motorcycles (including their parts and repairing/building them), something of which he is able to bond with other delinquents over. He is frequently commented on by others as showcasing ‘childish’ behavior, such as whining when he doesn’t get his way, taking naps on his vice-commander, Draken’s, back or getting upset when he receives a kid’s meal with no flag in it. He often relies on Draken in a caretaker sort of role, such as providing the aforementioned flags to avoid meltdowns, tying his hair up just the right way in the mornings, going to his house to wake him up (all these things appear frequent activities/rituals Mikey relies on), and being “his heart.” Mikey appears to have naturally low empathy. Pretty early on in the series, he and Draken pay a visit to a girl who was put in the hospital by a rival gang, for being affiliated with some of their members. Her parents encounter them and they are furious that anyone involved in gang activity would even dare show their faces, despite Mikey and Draken not being the ones to actually hurt her. He insists they shouldn't apologize to the parents, because it's not their fault and they personally didn't do anything, failing to comprehend the bigger picture, that the lifestyle of delinquency and crime in general and the violence it breeds, not just between those who partake, but innocents caught in the crossfire, is what led to their daughter's assault. And they are feeling grief and anger, thus acting irrationally and lashing out (which, while illogical to Mikey, is a typical emotional reaction to this sort of situation). But he eventually amends his opinion at Draken’s urging—reserving emotional consideration for when his friends are involved primarily. Difficulty regulating emotions, selective listening, and self-centeredness are also all traits that Mikey has exhibited. He often has atypical/repressed facial expressions. He has safe foods—preferring sweet things like dorayaki and taiyaki above all else. He has a comfort item in the form of an old, raggedy towel, which is, in his words “his whole life,” and refuses to give it up even when his family urges him to throw it out. “The tip of his towel” is canonically his “favorite spot”—He is seen stimming with it by rolling it up and kneading it with his hands and fingers. He also prefers to dress for comfort, in loose and baggy clothes whenever he is outside of his gang uniform, and he always wears the same flip-flops, even when it would seem inconvenient. Some other things that don’t necessarily point to autism, but maybe could be considered in the broader picture with everything else?

Routine night motorcycle rides with his brother and childhood friend, which he continues, same time and route, after their deaths, while talking like they are still there with him (though this is more him just honoring their memories and finding comfort in these old actions)

‘Dark impulse’ flare-ups could be interpreted as meltdowns that cross into violent territory? (Like after Sanzu allegedly broke his new toy as a child) But again, dark impulses are a whole other can of worms that could probably be likened to other things better than autism

He is canonically considered a martial arts genius/prodigy, which could be read as some sort of savantism, but also just typical shounen anime shenanigans Despite some of the shakier things to consider, I find myself really liking the idea of autistic Mikey, and I do think there’s a lot in the story in favor of that reading of him. I’d love to see him represented here!"

Yotasuke -

"He has terrible social skills and doesn't filter his words, and although he does not have bad intentions, he often comes off extremely cold or harsh, saying things like "Talking with you irritates me so can you please leave me alone?". He struggles to make friends, especially since he purposefully pushes people away. Yatora, the main character, brings the number of contacts on his phone to a grand total of three. His wardrobe consists of almost exactly the same shirt over and over again. He holds his pencil and chopsticks extremely weird. He loves animals and is often pictured with them, for example cats and rabbits. He was considered extremely talented at art when he was a child, and his art is still amazing but it has messed up the way he interacts with others. He feels as though art is all he has. This causes him to resent Yatora, who appears to have so many skills and career options, as well as a thriving social life. Yotasuke also has a very strained relationship with his mother, who can be quite manipulative at times. He is also very silly if that means anything to you. Everyone should go read Blue Period actually."

[steakout-05]

drawing my Craig fan design for REAL!!!!! + stupid little doodles

earlier i made a post talking about how i was planning on making my own canon where Crarry could still feasibly exist (as well as having other story beats and whatnot) and i mentioned how i refined my Craig design a little bit from the last time i drew him. i finally got around to actually drawing a proper full-body sketch of him and what he's supposed to look like!!! i think i drew his eyes a little more far apart than i intended but. whatever.

he's my skrunkly. he's my baby. he's got perpetually bored resting face and a phd in Pocketbeasts lore. he's got messy hair and a few stray whiskers as he tends to forget his own personal hygiene, what with being a hardworking scientist who usually doesn't show his face and all. i redesigned his eye to have more of a prominent scratch on it that warps and distorts his pupil, as i felt like that'd be the most fitting for his facial scar and the type of injury he has!

and for fun i'm gonna do a general timeline of the evolution of how i've drawn this design over time, because it's actually changed quite a bit since i first drew him back in 2022!! (click for better quality)

god it is. so weird looking back at that first design. it's so..... why is he so square shaped............. lol

now, in terms of differentiating this Craig from Canon Craig, i've thought of giving him some slight personality enhancements that i've always thought would fit him. i haven't seriously thought about it yet (i am tired) but here's some basic little traits i want to make more apparent in his character:

Logical Knowledgeable Creative Naive Perfectionist Fearful and Cowardly Not a very high self-esteem; Afraid to take charge Easily exhausted Not physically strong; Makes up for it with his quick-thinking skills Easily irritated when presented with inaccurate/false information Easily embarrassed; Tends to erase memories when this happens Reliable Honest Earnest Nerdy; LOVES to infodump about any given special interest he has Focused, sometimes to a fault Detail-oriented Introverted

this will likely be expanded on and developed more, but these general personality traits are quite fitting for how i headcanon Craig to be as a person!

i love how whenever i get attached to a character or even just really like them, i always bestow my best headcanon onto them in high regard: the autism headcanon. gonna try to keep this short so i don't infodump for 12 hours but the major autism traits i like to imagine Craig displaying are issues with social skills (unaware of many cues, accidentally says things in an inappropriate way/unintended tone, takes things literally, misconstrues sarcasm as genuine statements), a speech affect (monotone affect), low empathy (doesn't feel what other people feel and has trouble reacting to and feels uncomfortable with certain emotions), has special interests (robotics and engineering, Pocketbeasts, cats, and he loves infodumping about them!!), stimming (rubbing the back of his head when uncomfortable, fidgeting with and studying a particularly intriguing object or tool very closely, doing little puzzles that make little clicky noises that are very pleasant to listen to), experiences sensory issues (joint pain, eye strain, sensitivity to loud and sudden noises, despises certain tastes and textures, often experiences shutdowns), has a strong need for a solidified routine (sudden routine changes can cause distress for him, as he needs more time to process his surroundings and has a strong need for structure in his daily life), a few motor control issues (he's quite clumsy and has issues with spatial awareness, causing him to bump into stuff. this has unfortunately resulted in him bumping his thigh on the edge of a table way too many times.) and a few other things i've probably forgotten about. a lot of these are inspired by a few of my own traits as an autistic guy myself. the dude's like a combo of Data, Barclay and Geordi mixed into one dorky nerd (apologies for any non-trekkie followers who don't know who those characters are :skull:)

Craig seems like the type of person who, once you get him started, will infodump to you about his special interests for HOURS and he still wouldn't even be done yet. just like me fr. also tiny little Craig getting his face smooshed

get squoshed idiot

this is an older sketch i did when i was still finalising Craig's design along with doodling other stuff on the page. this was a little expression test of Craig blowing his face up with chemicals because 1. i thought it'd be funny. and it was. and 2. i've never really drawn him with big wacky expressions before, and i LOVE drawing big wacky expressions lol. it will be a rare sight to see Craig making a face like that but it'll still be funny nonetheless lol

no comment. only moob. i feel the same way about barry tbh HAHAHAAH what who said that

i fucking LOVE the Yababaina music video so much, it's absolutely insane and fun to watch, although it does put my eyes out of focus when i look at it for too long. heavy eyestrain and seizure warning for anyone who wants to check the video out, it's extremely fast-paced and has a lot of bright saturated colours. here are my three boys drawn doing that little handholding thing Miku, Teto and Zundamon do in the video. also first drawing of Prince Runingunin!!! he's so silly <3

that's everything i have today. i'm excited to draw this version of Craig more and make more art of him and Barry together!! just sucks i have to sorta swerve around canon with a convoluted solution but whatever. i like diverging from canon and making stuff up into my own thing anyway lol. blond nerd craig my beloved

[nerdbaron]

I have been feeling awful for the past few days, so I thought I would give a huge update for anyone whom it may concern

(CW: Vent Posting)

If you have been following this blog for a long while, especially since the late 2010s, you may have heard me mention some big video game project I was working on. The game itself went through several different changes throughout the years, to the point where it could be considered several different games, with several different names. However, I kept them all grouped as one project in my head, known as Project Marian, named after a personal favorite song of mine. The goal was to achieve a dream I had since playing Undertale in 2015: to make something emotionally impactful like that game. The latest form of the project was a game called Galactic Prix, a story-driven racing game.

However, Galactic Prix, like all the games before it I've tried to make for this project, ran into major issues. There were issues with the story that I could not figure out how to resolve. Things I wanted to touch on but had no idea how. I would have to imagine that my attempts to make a captivating story would have had better results if I had actual experience as a writer.

The entire project itself has caused damage to my psyche as well. I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, which makes me constantly horribly nervous about pretty much everything. This disorder and this giant project I held close to my heart combined to make me horribly afraid of the passage of time; I became worried that if too much time were to pass I would end up in a world where this project couldn't be done. As you may guess, this anxiety grew exponentially in election years, a time when every which way I would hear talks that "our future is at stake." The project left other effects on my mind as well. When I see or think about Undertale, the game that started this whole project, I slightly panic. The release of Deltarune Chapter 2, as good as it was, devastated me, and part of me has been seeing the release of Chapter 3 as a sort of Doomsday, mentally. I have grown antisocial, only really holding a conversation once every few days, but that may be more due to autism and external circumstances making it difficult for me to leave the house.

However, I kept going with the project, because I always thought that if I got something off the ground, some tangible form of gameplay to say "I am actually doing this," all the problems would go away. But that never happened. I would put together a few prototype elements, and then my entire brain would turn off. I tried everything to get around this wall. I switched between game engines constantly, to the point where I probably spent way more time comparing game engines than actually programming. I eventually stopped using game engines altogether in the hopes that they were the problem. I tried FNA and Raylib, and had a bit of fun playing around with them, but I still couldn't make any progress. And so I kept trying, and my mental state kept getting worse.

Therefore, late last month, I made the heavy decision to cancel Galactic Prix, as well as the entire project. It had caused me a lot of pain, and despite dreams of it becoming the next big thing, I knew it wasn't worth it. At the time, I didn't feel too bad about abandoning the project. I felt slightly freed, considering all the damage it had done.

However, earlier this week I suddenly grew extremely emotional. I blamed it on a small glass of champagne I had a few hours before, but the crying continued into the night. I couldn't figure out why i had become so sad. I then blamed it on the thing I was watching at the time, an online roleplaying production, since I was feeling emotionally moved by it, maybe inspired by it, but I could never dream of having the friends to do such a thing myself. But the sadness had settled around having horrendously low self esteem. It was earlier today that it hit me why: my dreams were all put in Project Marian. Now that project is cancelled. As of right now, my dream has been crushed. And I was getting emotionally gripped by an online production, which had in a few short months achieved what I spent seven years failing to do.

What do I do now? Part of me wants to make a huge article chronicling the history of the project, in order to truly document what it meant to me, and ultimately what went wrong. Maybe it would reveal that going through the project was a valuable experience, and therefore I would still have value even without it.

However, even more important is that I break out of this antisocial shell I am in. I want friends to hang out with constantly. I'm not that into roleplaying but I want to be with people who care about me enough to do so if we all wanted to. I want people who could help me work on whatever comes next, since one thing I learned from Project Marian is that these kind of things can't be done alone. And most importantly, now that the thing I put all my self worth into is gone, I dream of having people encourage me and keep me up until I can learn to find self worth in myself, project or no project.

[noblemansdemon]

Update on my diagnostic journey

I thought a while on how to convey this update on my diagnosis journey.

Three years ago I was asked if I had ASD and I deep dived into the matter and found it to be quite fitting, so I tried hard to get into diagnostics only to be accepted by a psychologist 2 months ago. Accordingly it felt like a slap from reality, when I wasn‘t diagnosed with ASD.

It was proven that I fell on the spectrum of cognitive heterogeneity and would count as mentally gifted, but my processing speed is in the low average and the difference to the highest score is 23, which is two points under the line where they wouldn’t be allowed to draw together my average IQ anymore, and yes I had symptoms of Autism but as far as I understand it not enough to be diagnosed. She however encouraged me to get reassessed on ADHD, which I was tested in about 16 years ago with no diagnosis either, but she insisted that methods and insight on ADHD had changed severely. She openly said, that she saw ADHD within me rather than Autism, which I honestly had quite the opposite feeling about, which then again makes me question my self perception.

However I tried to research cognitive heterogeneity and EVERYTHING I found was either connected to ASD or Schizophrenia, second of which I doubt, because I don’t really hear voices in my head like described for the mental disease, which is giving me yet again a bunch of mixed messages answered with uncertainty. It was also connected to dyslexia and dyscalculia both of which I definitely don‘t have. Apart from that it was only mentioned in terms of people having a heavy cognitive disablement, which does not apply to me either. Other than that cognitive heterogeneity is nothing that is really touched on anywhere.

All in all while I am slowly coming to terms with the reality of the the current situation it still feels like a major setback. The next step to go will probably be the ADHD diagnosis, but the fear of running into the next wall, not getting any diagnosis, because I fit in everywhere somehow, but not enough to get an actual diagnosis, that could help me to understand myself better and reach out for adequate help.

This is in no way meant to be disheartening. But I think it is important to stay true to the fact, that at the moment this process is still very hard and bound to a lot of intense emotions for everyone engaging in getting diagnosed with such.

I respect everyone going down this path and want them to know that they aren‘t alone in all of this. Yes, everyone may experience different hardships throughout this process, but I still think it is important to see that we‘re all in this together.

Know that where ever you are, mentally I‘m with you, over in the corner, rooting for your success.

[nepenthendline]

A Characterisation/Writing Guide - Autism and ADHD

Hi everyone! This post is going to be a guide on how to accurately write characters with Autism and ADHD. I have been so many works where Autism and ADHD have been terribly written - using so many stereotypes and just nonsense that has nothing to do with neurodivergences, so I hope this helps educate writers and give them more confidence to write such characters.

For reference, I have Autism and ADHD, as well as many friends with either, therefore this information is coming directly from a neurodivergent.

This guide will be split into three parts: characterisation in both Autism and ADHD, Autism chracterisation and ADHD characterisation. This being because Autism and ADHD, while two different disorders, do have some overlaps. 

TERMS:

Neurodivergent - describes those differing in mental or neurological function from what is considered typical or normal

Neurotypical - describes those who are considered normal and do not differ in mental or neurological function

NOTE - Not everyone is the same. Everyone is different and will act and feel in different ways, this is simply an overview of how Autism and ADHD typically can be characterised

MUTUAL CHARACTERISATION OF AUTISM AND ADHD:

As mentioned before, both Autism and ADHD do have overlapping traits that can make them look similar at times, although it is important to remember they are two very different disorders. 

Autism and ADHD are NOT mental illnesses or learning disabilities. They are neurological disorders that people are born with, and cannot be treated or cured. Neurodivergents can learn techniques to help manage their difficulties, however. It is important to note that while these are not mental illnesses, it is very common for neurodivergents to have mental illnesses (particularly anxiety or depression) or struggle with learning as a result of their difficulties.

MASKING:

Masking is a technique that neurodivergents develop in order to act or speak in a way that is ‘socially acceptable’ or neurotypical by observing and replicating neurotypicals in different situations. This includes subjects such as not stimming/keeping still, not saying particular things, following social cues, speaking with specific tones at specific times and so on. 

Not every neurodivergent will mask but most do. Everyone does this to a different extent; some mask 24/7 to the point where you would barely be able to recognise any ‘abnormal’ traits, whereas others only mask in more serious or professional situations and let loose around friends or family. It is up to you as the writer to decide how your character will mask, however there tend to be some trends. For example, those with high-function Autism (especially girls) are much better maskers than low-functioning Autism (especially boys).

Masking is exhausting; it takes a lot of effort to, essentially, act as a completely different person for the entire day. This does not mean that neurodivergents are two-faced in any aspect however. Neurodivergents simply tweak their existing personalities to ‘fit in’ with the people or situation. 

Masking in writing:

It is quite difficult to write masking as the person is essentially just acting like ‘normal’. However, there are some things you can include that help demonstrate masking:

 Adapted stims* that are much smaller and undetectable than a person’s usual stims, such as fiddling with their fingers or edge of their sleeve, looking around often or slight movements such as swaying or playing with jewellery they are wearing 

 Speaking more or less than usual and with much more changes in their pitch and tone

Slight cracks in a character’s masking, such as stimming when others aren’t looking, not holding eye-contact when speaking, face or tone falling flat at points

*Stims will be explained in the next section

STIMMING:

Stimming refers to self-stimulating, repetitive behaviours that are done to often calm a person down when in stress, or to show high levels of emotion such as happiness. Both neurodivergents and neurotypicals stim, however there are some difference. 

The most common examples of stims are bouncing your leg when sitting in a chair, clicking your pen repeatedly or tapping on a table, which are things that most people have done at some point. The difference is that neurodivergents have a lot less control over their stims, and they tend to be much ‘bigger’, louder, distracting or harmful. It is also much more difficult for a neurodivergent to stop or ‘hold in’ their stims, causing more stress and agitation. Some people have small stims like fiddling with their hands, others have much bigger stims like waving their arms around, and some have harmful stims such as scratching or banging their head against a wall. 

Stimming in writing:

If you are ever asked to write about how a character would help someone else/a reader with their stimming, please never ever write about the character stopping the other person/reader. This is extremely harmful for the stimming character and projects a view that stimming is bad or ‘naughty’, and many people have faced trauma over being forced to stopped stimming as it is seen as disrespectful or distracting. Stimming is often one of the only ways neurodivergents can clearly express their emotions. If you stop a stim, the person will simply stim in another way. Instead, try these ways:

Stim toys that the character can use, these are often small and discrete, and can allow the character to stim without harmful, loud or large movements

Distracting the character with something else, possibly an activity, something to hold, or audio/visual distractions

Reassure the character that these stims are ok and they are safe to do around other characters

Take notice of the situation the character is in, why are they stimming? Are they anxious? Are they excited? It is better to prevent the situation in the case of stress rather than try and stop the person from stimming, and allow the character to stim when feeling happy

In romantic situations, allowing the character to stim with their partner shows high levels of trust and acceptance, and it is also comforting for the stimming character to often use aspects of their partner to stim, such as playing with their partner’s fingers or hair

Exercise is a great way of helping those who stim often to release pent up energy

Stimmers can trigger other stimmers, so if you have two stimmers in a room together, chances are they will stim together, getting louder and bigger than usual

SENSORY SENSITIVTY:

Both those with Autism and/or ADHD tend to struggle with sensory sensitivity. This describes how people are easily affected by sensory input (sight, sound, taste, touch and smell). Most cases of sensory sensitivity end in distress, fear, panic and overload, however there are some people who feel comforted by high levels of sensory input. When people deal with too much sensory input, they often go into a ‘meltdown’. This is different for everyone, but often includes irritability, panic, shutting themselves off from others, extreme stimming and a feeling of being severely overwhelmed. Some people cannot speak at all during these episodes. while others may shout or make noises. They are often mistaken for tantrums, bad behaviour or just being grumpy. Young people tend to have much more active meltdowns, such as shouting, stimming, running off etc, however older people (especially girls) then to be more quiet, shut off and unable to continue speaking or doing tasks. That being said, everyone is different and anyone can have a different meltdown. 

Sensory sensitivity in writing: 

The best way to describe sensory sensitivity in writing is relating it to pain or panic. Often those with low tolerance to sensory input describe loud noises, for example, as physical pain in their head, or certain materials as making them feel faint or nauseous. 

Sensory sensitivity relates to any sense, so some people may be terrified of certain noises, feel panicked by certain smells or feelings or feel sick/vomit from certain tastes - please understand the severity of this for some people

Neurodivergents often find techniques to help them with this, such as wearing noise cancelling headphones or playing music or audio to distract them

The best way to help someone during a meltdown is to help them out of the situation and leave them to decompress. This might include letting them sit in a dark room for a while, laying in silence or touching an item/smelling something that brings them comfort

Describing a meltdown for a character can often be similarly written like a panic attack, and often meltdowns can lead to panic attacks for some people, such as an increased heart rate, sweating, crying, hyperventilating/heavy breathing etc.

Struggling to write sensory overload? Try and think how you would feel if you had 30 different voices screaming at you at once, with bright lights and super itchy clothing. Really panicked, scared and overwhelmed right? 

Those who are sensitive to sensory input often hear/feel/smell/see things much louder/easier/more extreme than others, so while something may be quiet to one person, it seems really loud to another

HABITS AND COMPLUSIONS

Neurodivergences come with a lot of habits and compulsions, somewhat similar to traits of OCD. These are things such as having to have particular routines, having to carry certain items with them at all times (mine are my BTS water bottle and earphones lol). Without fulfilling these habits, compulsions and comfort items, a person can become extremely stressed, panicked and overloaded. 

Habits and compulsions in writing:

Writing these can go from very subtle to extreme, it could be that someone has to get ready in the morning in a particular order, eat their food in a certain way/order or follow a particular route to get somewhere

The odd thing is that neurodivergents are actually pretty bad at developing habits, a neurodivergent could do the same thing over and over every single day, but completely forget to do it one day and never do it again

When writing for characters, some characters may be able to mask their distress when their habits/compulsions are not fulfilled, however others can not do so at all, but either way this sends the character into feeling of panic and distress

A character may develop certain habits/compulsions for different reasons, it could be from experiences, completely random, comforting senses or familiarity and fear 

For example when walking into my nearest town I have to walk a very specific route on a specific side of the road or I freak out, this is because it’s what I’m used to and I struggle to deal with change

Speaking of change, a character can be written as anxious or irritated when plans are changed

SPECIAL INTERESTS/HYPER-FIXATIONS:

Probably my favourite topic - neurodivergents often develop special interests and hyper-fixations. These relate to specific subjects or activities that a person will learn about or engage in with extreme focus and dedication. Some common examples are trains and butterflies, where a person will learn and memorise  every type of train, or every type of butterfly to exist, and how different trains work or the life cycles of butterflies. This can be of any topic though, as a child my personal special interest was Ancient Egypt and I spent all of my free time learning about the history. As I’ve gotten older, this has changed and my hyper-fixations have been mostly BTS and Haikyuu (with some short ones in between). 

Special interests/hyper-fixations in writing:

Info-dumping! Characters with special interests can often be written with moments of info-dumping, where they will talk about their special interest for a long period of time to someone else. They are often very excited, talk quickly and possibly even seem a little frantic when trying to explain their interest - this is something they have little control over and tend to talk for too long or at inappropriate times 

Stereotypes are often written in special interests, particularly the example I gave about trains - not every neurodivergent likes trains, please be creative when thinking about what special interest your character may have, if they have one at all

A character may have one long-standing special interest that they’ve been learning about for many years, or they can flutter between multiple hyper-fixations in the span of a few days

Hyper-fiaxtions can affect a character in ways such as forgetting to eat or sleep, forgetting to do other commitments or becoming extremely upset, stressed or unmotivated when that interest is no longer doable (such as if a TV series ends)

Some characters may be embarrassed about their interests, whereas others will happily info-dump with no concerns 

FRIENDSHIPS AND RELATIONSHIPS

Both Autism and ADHD can cause difficulties in making and keeping friendships or relationships. This is often due to struggles in communication, forgetting to speak to people, getting bored of social interaction, getting overwhelmed and feeling too ‘different’ from everyone else. Some people, however, can make friends every easily, particularly more extroverted and confident types. Autistics in particular tend to have small groups of friends that they feel truly comfortable with, and may struggle to understand why a person needs other friends/ a large group. This can lead to feelings of ejectment or jealously. A neurodivergent will often struggle to know how a person feels about them without being directly told, and will need frequent reassurance that this feeling is continuous. 

AUTISM CHARACTERISATIONS

Talking too much or very little - about 40% of people with Autism are mute, meaning they cannot speak. Characters could also be selectively mute, meaning they can only speak in situations they are comfortable with, or certain people

Autism is a communication disorder, majorly affecting a person’s ability to communicate and understand socialisation. Here is how to characterise Autism:

NOTE - I have used functioning labels here as, personally, I prefer to use them and is more often used where I am from, however some people prefer not to, please keep this in mind

Speaking out of turn - this is either because they do not understand the social cue of waiting until someone else has finished to talk, or because they will forget what is on their mind if they don’t say it immediately

Taking jokes or words literally - this can cause character’s to become distressed when they do not understand a joke, or end up doing a task that was not meant to happen because they took a conversation literally. This also include having difficulty understanding figures of speech such as ‘it’s raining cats and dogs’

Having difficulty understanding the rules of social interactions - this covers a range of things, from struggling to know what to say when speaking to a cashier at a store, to not knowing what to say in certain situations. An example of this is if someone said ‘hi, my name is ....”, the social cue is to respond with ‘hello, it’s nice to meet you, my name is ...”, however those with Autism tend not to understand this and may reply with something else. In my experiences, I often panic and say ‘thank you’ instead, despite this not being the ‘correct’ reply

Expressing the wrong emotions - Autism makes it very difficult to understand emotions, either from others or expressing them yourself. While others immediately know a smile means someone is happy, this is not something that is easy to understand in Autism. An autistic person may laugh or smile during negative situations, or look upset or mad in happy situations as they are either unaware of how they are carrying their body language, or simply do not know what body language fits with what emotion

Difficulty understanding emotion of others - whether it be verbal or non-verbal, it can be very difficult for those with Autism to understand what others are feeling and can often jump to the wrong conclusions

Using the wrong tone of voice or having a ‘robotic’ tone - For the same reason as the last point, those with Autism tend to either sound robotic at times, or use the wrong tone in the wrong situations, such as sounding angry when they are not, however they are often unaware of this when it happens. This also means they tend to be more blunt and literal in their own speech

Not understanding hints - those with Autism often need to be spoken to very directly as they struggle to understand hints or ‘read between the lines’. This could be anywhere from not understanding hints of romantic feelings, to someone mentioning that the trash is getting too full (as a hint that it needs to be taken out)

Difficulty with focus and following lists - this is an overlap with ADHD however the reasoning is often different, autistic people are often perfectionists, so if you give them a list of things to remember, they will focus so hard on remembering the first thing correctly that they forget the rest. Difficulty to focus is often due to a lack of interest in the topic 

Attention to detail and ‘all or nothing’ - Autistic people are great at paying attention to small details and often focus on that more than the big picture. They are also very ‘all or nothing’ with how they delegate their focus, if they are interested in something they will put their entire energy and focus into it until its perfect, if they aren’t interested? They probably wont do it at all, this often means that some Autistic people struggle academically because they don’t feel interested in the topics, and therefore have no motivation to do the work

Great at following rules and instructions - despite being bad at lists, Autistic people tend to be good at following rules, this is because they are often black and white, literal and easy to understand, they like structure!

Increased skills and abilities - those with autism are often more creative and intelligent in a wide variety of skills that neurotypicals, in fact to be diagnosed with high-functioning autism, you must have a higher-than-average IQ. Unfortunately the stereotype is that Autistics are dumb or stupid - this is not the case at all

Boys vs girls - everyone is different, however boys and girls tend to act very differently. Boys tend to be more extroverted and loud and particularly struggle with understanding emotions or talking in turn. Girls tend to be more introverted, quiet and can mask much better, but struggle more when knowing if it is acceptable to speak

No empathy? - this is what people often relate to Autism, however this is inaccurate. People with Autism can and do feel empathy, however it tends to be slightly different. For example, if a neurotypical told another neurotypical about a bad situation they went through, the other person would often reply with ‘I’m sorry that happened to you, I hope you feel better soon”. A neurodivergent, however, would often reply like this, “something similar happened to me once.....”. This often comes across rude to neurotypicals, however it is much easier for a neurodivergent to relate the person’s feeling to their own experiences, and share comfort by letting the person know they are not alone

Difficulty with eye contact -  good body language often explains that eye contact is key, however this is extremely difficulty for neurodivergents 

Forgetfulness - to be honest I don’t know why this is, autistics are just really forgetful. You need to repeatedly tell them to do something or they wont do it

Planning - autistics often need and enjoy planning their schedule. They find comfort in knowing exactly when, where and how things are happening and with who 

Shyness and introverted? - many autistics will be shy, introverted and struggle with social anxiety, but this is not the case for everyone. A person can be autistic and be super confident, loud and extroverted - it is a stereotype that being autistic makes you shy and quiet

REMEMBER - AUTISM IS A SPECTRUM DISORDER MEANING PEOPLE CAN RANGE FROM MILD TO SEVERE TRAITS, NOT EVERYONE WILL HAVE EVERY SINGLE TRAIT

AUTISM STEREOTYPES:

Everyone likes trains

They are rude and blunt

They are stupid/unintelligent

They cannot understand rules

They cannot feel empathy

They are quiet and shy

They are disruptive 

AD(H)D CHARACTERISATION

ADHD is a condition that affects the focus and attention of a person. Here’s how to characterise someone with ADHD:

Not everyone is hyperactive - firstly, the ‘hyperactive’ part of ADHD doesn’t often mean physically hyperactive, but a person can have ADD where they do not show hyperactive traits

Difficulty focusing - this is much more than just not being able to focus, there are many reasons as to why this is, including getting distracted easily (by external sources or their own thoughts). finding it difficult to understand social interactions, feeling overwhelmed

Hyperfocusing - on the flip side, ADHD can cause people to hyperfocus on certain things, where it takes all their time and energy and they forget to do other things such as eat or sleep

Difficulty with eye contact -  good body language often explains that eye contact is key, however this is extremely difficulty for neurodivergents 

Speaking out of turn - this is either because they do not understand the social cue of waiting until someone else has finished to talk, or because they will forget what is on their mind if they don’t say it immediately

Difficulties controlling emotions and mood swings - this is often comes out in anger and frustration. This can be for various reasons: they are frustrated that they cannot focus like others, a lack of motivation, get easily stressed and insecurity

Restlessness - this is often seen as being always ‘on the go’, they need to be busy at all times doing different activities. In writing this can be shown as excessive talking, fidgeting, getting bored easily or taking risks

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria - this is an emotional response to rejection or criticism which often looks like insecurity and anxiety. This could be real rejection, or perceived rejection, for example someone saying they are too busy to hang out may trigger an emotional response of rejection, low mood and anxiety in someone with ADHD. This can also lead to anger or panic, and causes people to become ‘people pleasers’ or not try at all

Poor organisation - the opposite of Autism where those with ADHD struggle with planning, organising, misplacing items and keeping things tidy. It is difficult to understand priorities, separate relevant and irrelevant information and time management. Those with ADHD often begin tasks and do not finish them due to restlessness, distractions or feeling overwhelmed by the task

Difficulties starting tasks - ADHD can make it very difficult to begin tasks as they feel too overwhelming, difficult or take too much focus. Breaking down tasks into smaller sections can help this a lot

Forgetfullness - out of sight, out of mind is often the case with ADHD, and so things like post-it notes and reminders can help people remember things they need to do

Multiple thoughts at once - neurotypicals tend to only have one thought/idea in their head at a time, however those with ADHD often juggle multiple thoughts which can lead to distraction and frustration

‘All or nothing’ - Those with ADHD tend to be ‘all or nothing’ with how they delegate their focus, if they are interested in something they will put their entire energy and focus into it until its perfect, if they aren’t interested? They probably wont do it at all, this often means that those with ADHD may struggle academically because they don’t feel interested in the topics. Unlike Autism, they tend not to focus well with repetitive  tasks as this lacks simulation

Medication - unlike Autism, ADHD can be helped with stimulant medication that allows them to focus a bit better. This is not a cure as ADHD cannot be cured, however it can be beneficial to some to help manage their struggles

Acting without thinking and being impulsive - to find some stimulation, those with ADHD may act without thinking of their consequences, or can engage in risky behaviour as other avenues may seem boring, please note this is not the case for everyone, and these ‘risks’ may be very mild like trying a new flavour of ice cream. They can act impulsively too and struggle to wait their turn

Communication difficulties - while ADHD is not a communication disorder, it can have affects on communication such as talking out of turn, starting conversations at the wrong times, being insensitive to particular topics or getting too distracted to focus on the conversation

Need reminders to take care of themselves - due to a mix of hyperfocusing and not focusing well, those with ADHD may often forget to do things such as eat, drink, sleep or shower

Quite easy to get their attention - when someone with ADHD is daydreaming, getting distracted or not focusing, it can be as simple as giving them a tap or a smile to bring their attention back to the matter at hand, even if these needs to be done multiple times

Rewarding behaviour - this technique works well as rewarding good behaviour releases dopamine, which is the hormone often lacked in those with ADHD, this allows people to connect activities and behaviours with positive feelings and are more likely to do it again in the future

ADHD STEROTYPES:

ADHD is ‘diet’ Autism

Those with ADHD cannot sit still

They are disruptive

Everyone with ADHD is hyperactive, loud and extroverted

[thescarletwitchsapprentice]

A Pure Soul: Nearly Taken (Yandere!Wanda Maximoff x ADD!autistic!reader)

*Not my GIF.

Summary: The day (y/n) comes back to the compound after being told all those nasty things takes a toll on their mental health and self-esteem. Unfortunately it gets to a point that Wanda hoped it would NEVER reach.

Request?: Still none.

Word Count: 3,456

Warnings: Ableism, eugenics mention, r-word slur, attempted suicide, attempted overdose, hurt and comfort.

Notes: This is a sort of “in-between scene” from “A Pure Soul.” The rate of suicide is 3 times higher in autistic people because of the world’s lack of understanding and willingness to accommodate us. Plus being told the world would be better off without you, along with people looking for ways to make sure we’re not born....that’s gonna take a toll. So it makes sense for these feelings to emerge.

=============================================

You know that the world isn’t very kind to the disabled.

You know that the world wishes people like you wouldn’t exist.

But that doesn’t make what happened hurt any less.

You were out shopping when you ran into your best friend from high school. Except....this friend wasn’t the same as you knew them. No, instead they showed you their true colors.

“Oh hey, (y/n),” they said.

Tone has never been your specialty.

“Hey!” you exclaimed happily as you were looking through the books at your local bookstore. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you! How are you?”

“Better. How’s the treatment coming along?”

This confused you.

“Treatment?”

They nodded.

“For that disease you call autism.”

This struck a chord, and it struck HARD. How could they say something like that?!

“D-disease?!”

They smirked.

“I mean, it just makes us humans lives harder to be around your kind.”

What?!

“What the hell’s gotten into you?!” you exclaimed. “I thought you were my best friend!”

“Oh?”

They pretended to wrack their brain.

“Oh! Yeah, I was such a great actor in that part. I should get an Oscar. Here’s the tea; I lost a bet and had to be your best friend for those four hellish years. I can’t believe they wanted me to suffer that much.”

Your heart began to crack. It was all....an act?

“You took my high school years away from me, made me miserable. I could’ve won prom royalty, but no one voted for me because I associated myself with your species. I’m glad you’re out of my life now. You’re nothing but a burden and the world would be so much better off without you. Why not do us that favor?”

Your heart shattered. You were so plagued with shock that you didn’t notice them push you to the ground and spit on you before walking away with a satisfied chuckle. For the next few minutes, you couldn’t say or do anything. You were just frozen to the spot, their words bouncing around your head.

Finally you were able to feel both the physical and emotional pain. Pursing your lips, you got up, kept your head down, and quickly left the bookstore, trying not to let the tears fall.

===============================================

In the elevator, heading up to your floor, you can barely form a new thought. All you can think of is that hurtful interaction. 

Burden, your kind, your species, disease....

It all hurt. 

And the worst part is that you can’t help but think that they’re right.

But your thoughts are jolted by the elevator bell. As usual you find the Avengers hanging out in the lounge. Nat and Clint are chatting with Wanda. Tony and Peter are working on homework. You can barely see what the others are doing. 

Almost instantly, Wanda’s eye falls on you. She has a smile on her face, but it falls when she sees you, as she instantly knows that something is wrong. 

“(Y/N)!” she whispers worried.

She rushes over and gives you a gentle hug, but you practically squeeze the life out of her. The other Avengers also come to your aid. 

“What happened?” Wanda asks you.

You gulp as she and Nat lead you to the couch.

“I....” you begin as you sit down. “I was out shopping....and I ran into my best friend from high school....”

You tell them the entire interaction. Shocked looks are nearly all around by the end.

“That’s seriously messed up,” Nat says in a mix of disgust and anger.

The others nod in agreement, except for Wanda. Instead she begins to tear up. 

“My sweet angel,” she weeps softly as she hugs you closer and pets your head. “Oh, my sweet, sweet angel. None of what they said is true, not one bit of it. You’re an absolute joy to have around and you’re one of the kindest souls I’ve ever met. You bring so much to the Avengers and to our lives. Autism is not a disease. It’s a part of who you are, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

“Wanda’s right,” Peter nods. “You’re wonderful, (y/n). You’re one of the best friends I could ever ask for.”

“And you bring a lot of new perspectives,” Nat adds. “You came into our lives when we needed you the most, especially Wanda.”

They all take turns giving you words of comfort and encouragement as well as letting you cry. Wanda stays the closest to you, to no one’s surprise, hugging you tightly. Her embrace is exactly what you need right now; so warm and loving. 

Tony, though not the most emotional person, does feel sympathetic and even angered at the person who said that to you; even though you’re on the opposite side of the Accords, he decides to get your favorite food for dinner. It’s not the greatest gesture of sympathy, but it’s definitely something. After that, you take a nice, warm shower and get into some fresh, soft pajamas. Wanda’s waiting for you in your bedroom, and surprises you with some soft socks that match your pajamas.

“I removed the fabric tags too,” she tells you.

Your heart melts a bit more for her. How someone as kind, attentive, and loving as her could ever be considered a terrible person is beyond you. You let her put them on your feet and they feel amazing. You wriggle your toes in them, smiling. 

“You like them?” she asks you.

“I love them,” you giggle before turning to Wanda. “And I love you.”

She smiles and gives you a kiss on the forehead.

“I love you too, my angel.”

The two of you spend the rest of the night together, cuddling up close with one another, watching sitcoms, singing quietly. You doze off in her arms.....

But that doesn’t mean it’s over.....

==============================================

You’re not someone who easily forgets how things make you feel, and what that person said still makes you feel like shit. Now whenever you go out, you’re worried that you’re going to run into them. You keep your guard up and walk as quickly as you can. Every outing feels like a fight for survival, but you try to stay strong so that you don’t bother the others. You try to keep a smile on your face. You need to be strong.....

.....But even the strong reach their limits.

It’s a little after you found out they became catatonic. You’re at a coffee shop, nearly empty, when someone else walks in. It’s a friend of that person. You keep your head low as they place their order; four cups of black coffee, extra hot. Your anxiety is increasing, but you don’t want this person to think you’re weak. You keep your back to them, hearing the door open again. 

The other person is called for their order. Maybe you can finally get out of here.

The next thing you know, you feel something steaming hot being poured down the back of your shirt, on your head, thrown in your face, (which you luckily cover most of with your arms) and splattered on your arms and legs. Standing up, you cry out in pain as you whirl around to see 4 people from high school, among them the friend of your former best friend.

“It’s your fault my best friend can’t function, you retard!” the friend snaps as they push you around roughly.

“No one wants you on this planet,” spits another.

“You’re nothing but a parasite!”

“You just weigh people down!”

“You’re an embarrassment to society!”

“Why don’t you just end this?”

“It’ll be better that way!”

“Your birth was a mistake!”

By this time, you’re hardly a thread’s width away from a meltdown and you look at the cashier for help, but nothing. You try to take out your phone to call for help, but you end up slipping on the coffee, falling to the ground hard and in an odd position, hearing a crack. Pain surges through your body as you look at your arms; burn marks are beginning to form.

After they kick at you for a bit and spit on you, they leave. You look up at the cashier. 

“Why....didn’t you help?” you whimper with a whistle in your voice.

No answer. 

They don’t help you up either. Crawling to the door, you use a nearby booth to bring yourself back up to your feet. Suddenly you feel an intense surge of pain in your left leg, and not just from the burns. You look to see that it’s swollen and turning reddish-purple. You reach into your coat and get out your phone only to discover that it’s dead. Wanda’s going to be worried sick....you hate making her worry, and she’s been worried sick these last few weeks to the point where it’s taking a toll on her; so on the way back, you decide to take one worry out of her life for good.

======================

It’s dark when you get back to the compound. And lucky for you, the elevator is closed for repairs. You limp up the stairs, finally reaching the compound. As quiet as a dust mite, you open the door, biting down on your lips to keep yourself from crying out in pain; unfortunately, your lips took some burn damage as well. Limping to the bathroom, you shut and lock the door. You search the medicine cabinet and find some pills.

“This should do the trick,” you whisper.

You try to quietly position yourself on the floor so that you won’t hit your head. You want to be able to pass as peacefully as possible. But something gives in your left leg and you fall, letting out a loud cry of agony. Realizing your mistake, you quickly fiddle with the lid of the bottle as you hear footsteps rush in. You finally get the lid open and begin to pour out the whole bottle into your hand, hoping to get it in in time--

Click!

The lock turns scarlet, clicks, and the door swings opens. 

“(Y/N)!”

A terrified Wanda immediately snatches the pills and bottle from you with her powers. She makes them disappear before heading to your side, tears already flowing from her eyes.

“My sweet angel.....” she squeaks as she kneels in front of you gently taking ahold of your hands. “I didn’t realize you were feeling this terrible. I’m so sorry things have reached this point.”

You look away guiltily. 

“No, I’m sorry....it’s my fault. I never said....anything. You....you’ve been so stressed these past few weeks....all of you. I didn’t want to make it worse on you, so....I just kept quiet.”

Wanda shakes her head.

“You have nothing to apologize for, (y/n). It can be scary, but there’s no shame in reaching out. We all need help sometimes.”

Other footsteps rush in.

“What happened?” Nat asks. “Did (y/n)---?”

“Almost,” Wanda gulps. “We need to get them to the emergency room.”

“I’m fine,” you lie.

“Are you fine?” Wanda asks.

You realize that it’s pointless to lie, and you shake your head.

“No, I’m not....”

“Then we need to take you to the emergency room.....”

That’s when she sees the burns and leg.

“Especially to treat these.....what happened?”

As they carry you to the car, you tell them about the run-in at the coffee shop, them pouring the hot coffee on you, how they were telling you all of these things, how the cashier did nothing to help, how you heard that crack. Both of them are disgusted and horrified at those monsters.

“I don’t care what they say,” Nat tells you as they get you inside. “I’m glad that you’re here.”

“I am too,” Wanda agrees as she gets in the front seat. “We’re here for you.”

“But.....my autism.....”

Wanda gently takes ahold of your fingers, careful to avoid the burns.

“My angel.....I can only imagine how isolating it feels to be in a world that’s not made for you, but your autism is part of who you are. It’s what makes you unique. If the world refuses to accommodate for people like you on their own, we’ll help them to see that they need to, and we’ll help advocate with you.”

Nat nods as she starts the car up and the three of you head for the ER.

“I....I feel selfish worrying you like this and even attempting....I just thought....you’ve been so stressed and I thought it’d be better to take one worry out of your life.”

“You have nothing to feel selfish about,” Wanda assures you. “What you did wasn’t selfish. You’re in pain, and wanting to do something to stop that pain isn’t selfish. But there are better ways to deal with the pain, and I want to help you with those. (Y/N), I can say with 100% certainty that I’m glad to have you in my life, through the good and the bad.”

Tears flow down your face as the three of you silently drive to the ER.

=============================================

It takes several hours for you to be treated, along with a few more hours of consultation for your mental health. Some of the burns are treated through surgery, so you have to stay for a little over a week to make sure you recover and stabilize. Your leg is put in a cast, and Wanda comes to visit you everyday. You feel much better with her and Nat.

A psychologist comes in to discuss a safety plan with you. You decided to ask Wanda if she’d come and discuss it with them. She said yes and Nat also decided to help. You all work out what works in terms of coping mechanisms, people you can talk to, calming techniques, etc,. The psychologist also recommends regular counseling. Wanda asks if there are any remote options for counseling, as it’s going to be difficult for you to get there with your leg, (Also, she’s a little worried that the therapist might try to take you away from her, but she does show concern for your leg) and to her relief, there is. 

You’re discharged after about a week, but you’re not to be left alone for a few days to another week or two, just to be sure. Well, it’s more of Wanda’s recommendation than psychologist’s orders, but the psychologist also thinks that that could be a good idea. You’re not really complaining; it’s more time to spend with Wanda. And she’s certainly not complaining either.

For that time, especially, she makes sure you know that you’re loved, wanted, valued. She practically dotes on you; as if she hadn’t been doting on you before, she’s especially pampering you now. The other Avengers also get the 411, and decide to help. If you need pain or sleep medications, one of them brings the proper dose to you. They take turns spending time with you and getting to know you more. If they need to go out on a mission, Wanda volunteers to stay with you, but if she’s absolutely needed there, she entrusts your care to Vision, a robot who’s exceptionally caring. You and Wanda regularly discuss possibly adding him to the relationship, but you’re not sure if she’s being serious or not. 

On one night, Wanda’s caring for you. After applying the prescribed cream on your burns, she helps you find an oversized t-shirt to wear as PJs. 

“This one’s softer than the others,” you note.

“I went looking for a shirt with a softer material than normal,” she tells you as she prepares a small dose of melatonin for you, one that you’ve been taking to combat the nightmares of those events in the hospital. “I know how much it tends to make you feel discomforted if there is one. I also made sure it was a tagless shirt.”

You smile and sigh.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve an angel like you, Wanda,” you tell her.

Hearing this she smiles and blushes.

“If anyone’s the angel, it’s you,” she says as she gives you the melatonin. “You’ve been there for me even when I’m at my absolute worst.”

“So have you.”

You take the melatonin before Wanda brings you your toothbrush and toothpaste. You brush thoroughly before spitting it into a cup that Wanda disposes of. 

“You know, I could go to the bathroom and do this myself,” you tell her kindly.

“I know,” she sighs. “I’m just worried, my angel.”

“What if I wash my face tonight with the door open?” you suggest.

Wanda gives this a little thought and nods. 

“I can work with that.”

Using your crutches, you walk to the bathroom where you sit on a stool in front of the sink. You wash and dry your face before heading to the bed with Wanda helping you get tucked in.

“You’re seriously an angel,” you tell her. “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone outside of my family that’s been as concerned about my well-being as you.”

“And you’re too sweet,” she smiles again as she finishes getting ready for bed herself. “If anyone’s the undeserving, I don’t deserve you.”

“No, it’s the other way around,” you say.

“No, I’m certain I’m right.”

You giggle.

“Wanda, if we try to prove one right over the other, we’ll be going at this all night.”

She smiles as she goes over to the other side of the bed. 

“Well, I know you’re an angel,” she tells you as she gets under the covers. “You came to me in a dark time, and you shone a beam of sunlight through the shadow.”

The two of you look at each other as the fairy lights hang above you. Of course you’re looking at the bridge of her nose, but you can’t help but glance up at her eyes a few times; one time they catch you, and they are stunning. They’re like emeralds to you; vivid, entrancing, mystical. Just a single glance, and you know there’s so much to know about, so much to discover, and you become lost in them. 

“I’m so proud of you, (y/n).”

Wanda’s gentle voice echoes against your eardrums and dances around your mind, soothing you into drifting even more. But then she boops you on the nose, making it twitch like a bunny’s and snapping you out of your trance.

“Huh?” you ask, looking lost.

Wanda giggles.

“You are too cute,” she tells you. “I was saying that I’m so proud of you for pushing through all of this. It’s not the easiest thing to do, and.....well.....I’m glad you’re still alive, my sweet little sunbeam.”

You blush upon hearing this and turn away, but Wanda gently redirects your face forward.

“There’s no need to hide, my angel. I want to see your lovely face.”

At that moment, you begin to feel drowsy and bring yourself closer to her.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you enough, Wanda,” you sigh.

She brings you in closer and you melt into her embrace.

“Being with you, and you being safe and happy and alive.....that’s the only thank you I need.”

Leaning in, she kisses you gently on your forehead and you shyly return one on her cheek. 

“Goodnight, my angel,” she tells you as she brushes a strand of hair out of your way.

“Wait,” you say as she turns to switch the lights off. “Will....will you sing me those lullabies again? Please?”

“Of course,” she smiles. 

Turning the lights off, she returns to embrace you and softly sings the Sokovian lullabies her parents used to sing to her. As you drift off to sleep, you don’t know what’s going on in her mind. What’s going on with her mind? Her master plan, of course. Tonight’s the night she will finish what she started. Those monsters at the coffee shop messed with the wrong person. For the past few nights, she’s been paying them visits, doing the same things she did with your former best friend, and sending subconscious suggestions for them to gather in one place, thinking they’d be safer together. And now they have.

Tonight she’s going to make sure their minds are gone for good, but not before making them feel the pain and agony she imagines you felt. Her anger with them is in full throttle, so it’s going to be even worse for them. Telekinesis, fear projection, hypnosis, inducing extreme fear, she’ll do whatever she has to. Wanda will not leave until they’re nothing more than hollow husks, shadows of their former selves. With how they’d been acting on those nights, and how much Wanda has done so far, it won’t take too long. 

Because no one-and she means no one-gets away with hurting her precious angel.......ever.

[transsexualhamlet]

asmr i psychoanalyze my favorite war criminal, aka calling out norman the essay

basically all of my thoughts on norman on one callout post because i care him (both manga and anime are discussed)

LINK TO RAY PSYCHOANALYSIS:  https://chaoticgaymess.tumblr.com/post/646749875570196480/ray-81194-the-long-explanation 

this is going to be ungodly long so here’s a keep reading, essay below the cut

((tw for suicidal ideation and self harm, brief discussion of eating disorders))

Disclaimer: no shipping is included here this is just about norman also they’re kids who call each other siblings

Thoughts: So you may be thinking, Rowan, why do you yell about the colorless war criminal so often? Well the answer lies in your honor the court hates to see a girlboss winning. Norman is a girlboss :) Yes norman is a tiny twink who can't lift a milk jug. And he is a girlboss :) Obviously I don't condone, um, eugenics and all, but that's not the point the point is that he satisfies my need for more characters like Levi motherfucking Calder from Unwind because I’m apparently an edgy 13 year old. Also all of his problems are violently things I can fix and I keep him around as a pet project because someone needs to give him a hug and slap him on the face

I diagnose him with things: 

-pisces man :pensive:

-is he albino? Not literally. Is his skin so pale he would catch fire if he went outside at noon? Yes.

-autism: Yes I’m aware that calling him autistic makes him, problematic rep by perpetuating the autism unfeeling savant stereotype whatever but have you considered i’m autistic and I’m projecting also he’s L with standards? Anyway traits of AuTism he has: hyper   fixation, canonically breaks and fixes things over and over because like ofc he does, doesn’t understand Emotion, hyperaware of body language at the same time as it all somehow flying over his head, low empathy, sensory experiences™, min maxed in certain areas, and I don’t think he’s got social interaction quite right? There’s something off about it

-gifted kid (derogatory) This is self explanatory but basically him being the smartest and the best in a competitive environment caused most of his issues, such as the perfectionism, the need to succeed, the lack of self esteem and ridiculously high expectations on himself, giving himself no breaks or time to relax, the “i must be productive with every second of my day or i will die” deal, the “peaked at 11” thing, the way in which he goes through life like there’s going to be a fucking test on it

-Eldest Daughter™ lmao. Norman’s always had to be mature, he’s always had to be the best, he’s always had to do the things Ray got out of bc he’s a snitch and Emma got out of because Isabella likes her. Norman gets respect from Isabella only if he excels, and her bar for him is astronomical. He doesn’t have the Mommy Issues that Ray has, but it’s because for him Isabella basically just reflected his expectations on himself, whereas with Ray it was more personal.

-low empathy (part of the autism thing): this one needs more explanation, but it’s not a bad thing in and of itself. Cognitive empathy is a thing and he can use it, but he does not instinctively understand other people’s emotions, or even recognize them properly, especially when the person is not like himself. This is obvious in Emma. Man has no fucking clue what’s going on in her head or why she does what she does, but he can predict what she will do in any given situation very well. He could understand the suicide attempt from ray he predicted more because Ray’s an easier equation to solve, and someone who’s more similar to him. I know he gets it because, well, motherfucker’s just as self desctructive as him, just in a more dignified manner.

-he’s got some sort of chronic illness. This is also me projecting and a headcanon but he’s got something going on, even before lambda pumped him full of growth hormones or whatever which they maybe should have Not Done but oh well. (I assume this just didn’t happen in the anime, since he’s still so fucking short) But he's So weak. He passed out when it was too hot. He passed out when it was too cold. He can’t open a pickle jar. His skin is too pale and he’s skinny af. He’s much more prone to sickness and probably has asthma too? But in the case that he did actually have something going on, I don’t think grace field would see the need to treat it, if it didn’t impact the quality of his meat? Isabella’s probably just “you have chronic pain and you get migraines? Great, take some tylenol and do some calculus.” Can’t say that probably helped anything.

personality type: ISTJ

Basically, he’s the most boring personality type to exist, and personally as an enfp i do not respect him. But basically this means he’s a fucking nerd that gets his projects done for school the day they’re assigned, is probably the president of the Anime Student Council™, and could probably get away with premeditated murder (ok actual istjs this is a joke don’t skin me)

The only trait that norman doesn’t have on the istj thing is telling the truth. Yeah, he values the truth, but like, that doesn’t apply to him, clearly. Bitch is a notorious liar.

The only other personality type he has any similarity with is intj, which is the same except it’s more rare and a purple theme instead of a blue theme. Sadly, that’s not him though, because although he can care more about some kinds of philosophy overall this isn’t the case and ray already occupies this personality type tbh. 

strengths and weaknesses: This one’s kind of obvious, but he is aside from the crazy insane intelligence good at planning. Extremely good at planning. He can predict any outcome and figure out how to prevent it, using all his resources. For example he’s physically weak and someone could literally just walk up and stab him, but it doesn’t impede his progress on his goals because he’s surrounded himself with strong, mentally inferior people who would die for him in a heartbeat. He never gets stuck in some “everything is shit and i can’t do anything” deal like Emma and Ray do, he always works through it and has confidence in his abilities (in as much as he will solve the problem or die™. Weaknesses other than his twink body include his Low Wisdom score. It’s funny how he’s often associated with an owl, the mans is 14. He thinks he knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t. Plus obviously his fundamental misunderstanding of so much of everything going on around him, the fact that he lies not just to the world but himself, his refusal to take care of himself and his incredible cowardice. His achilles heel is being forced to, actually confront his actions.

what he likes about himself: He does pride himself on his mental abilities, and his judgement, which in his opinion is the only correct opinion and the only correct way. In the past, he likes being seen as a leader, he likes being responsible for other people. He likes his ability to manipulate and lie, because he sees it as an asset, and I honestly think he enjoys being william minerva more than he enjoys being Norman. He prides himself on his unhealthy expectations and the fact that he is able to meet them. Honestly, he does think he’s better than everyone else, mentally, though it’s humbled by his self hatred. Cursed thought: If Norman had self esteem he would be light yagami. 

what he doesn’t like about himself/insecurities: Oh god, nearly everything. His appearance, his status, his superiority, his physical inability, his own mess of a mind, also have I mentioned his appearance. He’s obsessed with self control. He wants everything he sees wrong with himself gone. And I understand why having control of everything is necessary and appealing, everything for him has always been rigid and planned out from moment one, he was even more regulated in lambda, and though he desperately wants to Not Be Food, he has no idea what to do with the chains now that he’s broken out of them. So he just wraps them around himself. Regulates to an unhealthy degree when he sleeps, what he eats, when he actually takes even minimal care of his own problems, what he looks like, how much of himself he lets show, the expressions on his face, the literal thoughts inside his own head he will shut down if they are not Correct. It’s literal self harm. Norman, please stop it.

motivations/goals in life/general philosophy: To be honest, I’m not sure he knows what he wants. He sure thinks he does, he could sure give you a memorized answer, but it means nothing. He wants to excel. He wants Emma to be happy. He wants to be perfect and for that to make everything perfect. But he doesn’t realize everything he’s working towards will do pretty much the opposite of that. He’s a crippling perfectionist, and pretty much everything he does is motivated by his fear of failing. He picks the certain path, he doesn’t wait for anyone else, he doesn’t care if it’s not nice. Emma foils that a most of the time because he cares about her, but it can only go so far, especially after he’s had so much time without her to develop a Complex. His philosophy is very contradictory, basically the tokyo ghoul “everything bad that happens to you stems from a lack of ability”. All of his problems are his fault. All the world’s problems are his to fix. If he can’t fix them, it’s his fault, it’s because he wasn’t strong enough, and not being perfect condemns someone forever, including himself.

how he’s perceived by others vs how he actually is: In most people there wouldn’t truly be much of a difference, but with Norman things are different, because, well, most of his personality in grace field is a put on, as well as the tough guy dictator thing he radiates after lambda. How he appears to someone is determined by the context of their meeting- the kids at grace field see him as a nerdy, weakish, pretty boring kid who is really caring and kind. The researchers at lambda see an obedient, beaten down and perfectionistic boy. The lambda kids see him as an infallible leader, ruthless and genius, a good man who knows what’s right. But in truth none of that is him. It’s a fucking chess game to him, putting on different faces, lying and pretending and treating everyone differently. In truth? He’s a fucking coward. He’s scared out of his mind and he’s tired and he can’t take pain, he’s obsessed with reaching some goal he deems is necessary that in the end is going to be his death because he doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions. He’s taken on the role of someone evil, though deep down he’s not, he feels it’s easier to live that way because it strips him of his conscience. 

interpersonal relationships: In general, Norman sees all relationships in a pretty dim light. He sees everyone as black and white, for the most part, and other people make no sense to him intuitively, he has to figure them out like a puzzle. He’s manipulative and not particularly kind, but he follows all societal expectations to a T, overly focused on his appearance and placing the person he’s interacting with into a Category™. So he can be truly kind, to people he feels deserve it, to people who he values and doesn’t see flaws in. He gets incredibly attached to people he loves, protective, though he often doesn’t take their own feelings on the matter into consideration, and he’s ruthless with anyone who he deems a bad person. With people he understands and relates to, though, things can be different. If he sees someone as like himself, he will drop all the social interaction police bullshit and cut to the chase of whatever he wants or needs from them, and he’s not very forgiving in any manner, if he thinks what someone did is actually bad.

Emma: Norman obviously cares a lot about Emma, and honestly views her as better than anyone else. He realizes her moral integrity and all of the things she has and he doesn’t, and admires it. Because of his black and white view, Emma is like an angel to him. She couldn’t do anything wrong if she tried. But he comes to treat her as something to be protected instead of respected, and although he realizes she wouldn’t like what he’s doing, he fundamentally cannot empathize with her and doesn’t try to understand her. Their personalities are very literally opposite. Norman really needs to fucking listen to her. And Emma needs to understand that Norman doesn’t have a single ounce of empathy and you really do need to spell it out for him. Emma can only convince him when she has logical reasons for her actions, which she, doesn’t often have. And Emma gave Norman too much slack, because she didn’t see past the surface, and Ray never wanted to warn her, even though he knew the dude was showing a bunch of red flags, because you know. It was kind of an unspoken deal between them. (on ray’s part)

Ray: His relationship with Ray is a lot more complicated than with Emma. He understands Ray, where he doesn’t understand Emma, and he can see right through anything Ray does. And this makes things really tense between them, because Ray doesn’t, take kindly to being psychoanalyzed. If someone perceives him he will deck them and Norman is just there silently perceiving him at all times when Emma doesn’t see it. They are both constantly in competition with each other, but they care about each other a lot, though it’s kind of in a derogatory way. They both recognize each other as fundamentally fucked up, and silently agree never to bring it up with Emma. They’re nice to each other when she’s around, but all pretenses disappear when she’s gone. Ray is always frustrated with Norman, because Norman’s never been intimidated by him, and though he tries his best not to be vulnerable around him, Norman can always see through it, whereas Ray can’t crack Norman’s fake fucking smile no matter what he does. Norman will always take Emma’s side, and doesn’t see Ray as a good person at all, but he still understands and can excuse him, he takes measures to be… worse than Ray, which is better in his mind, because it’s rational, and ‘not selfish’.

Isabella: She has always had ridiculously high expectations for Norman, and treats him kind of harshly compared to the others. Bitch has heat stroke and Isabella’s first question is a calculus problem instead of like, “are you ok”. She knows he doesn’t complain about anything ever and she doesn’t stop him from being Terrible to himself, because it makes her job easier. They want smart kids, not mentally adjusted kids. She does really care for all of them, but she basically overrides it, she gives them what they want, not what they need, lets them be exactly what they’re making themselves. Isabella is distant with Ray but gives him anything he wants, she’s close and super nice with Emma, but Norman is… it’s weird. Isabella is proud of him because he meets her astronomically high bar. But at the same time, Norman never really cared for her that much and has never pretended to. Once they discover The Thing, though, he has a revelation, and it doesn’t take him long to switch his entire perspective about her. He’s pretty much like. Oh. She’s like me. That explains it, time to treat her like I treat myself: fucking brutally. Passive aggressive as hell. The kind of energy the :) emoticon at the end of an email gives. He does like just go “yeah we should kill her” at one point, which. You know, ok. When he got shipped out it was hhhh really interesting because Isabella knew full well he knew he was walking to his death and Norman was like “are you Truly Happy?” and just went :) and she was like h u h and tried to get him to talk while they were walking there because she feels Bad about it and he just. Did not. He didn’t say a single word just kind of smiled menacingly at her and I think it was half a sort of rebellion and half because he viewed her as similar to himself and therefore felt no need to put up any front with her, no words were necessary for him to impart exactly how he felt about it

Lambda kids: His relationship with the lambda kids is weird and bittersweet. I think he really truly does care about them, they were in a similar situation to his and he wants them to get what they want. However it is not a healthy or beneficial relationship, they see him as a god and don’t realize that he’s killing himself to give them what they want, he’s basically adopted them when out of anyone norman’s the one that should least be in charge of kids. I think he’s honestly younger than them but I’m not sure if they even know. He acts like their fucking mom, and that’s from what he thinks mothers are like… like isabella?? Giving them what they want, not what they need, lying to them, showing a front, caring deeply for them but at the same time using them for his own ends. And it’s not helpful for him. He thinks he knows what they need, but what he’s doing is what they want. What they need is therapy,(and so does norman), and he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with using them as weapons because they love him. It makes him feel good, to be seen as perfect, to have people who don’t know how weak he really is. But it’s only making him worse, and he’s enabling everything the lambda kids are doing wrong as well. They need like, Yuugo and Lucas. Some actual adults who are actually wise and have the ability and the knowledge to take care of them and understand their mental problems and maybe actually address them. And actually be nice to them. But um sadly. 

what he’s doing wrong: It’s pretty obvious, but… Norman, you maybe *shouldn’t* commit genocide? You’re not helping emma, you’re not making anything better. You’re not helping the lambda kids, you’re enabling them. You’re not helping your friends from grace field, you’re ignoring what they want. You’re not helping the world, you’re eradicating an entire race from the face of the earth and murdering the poor for the crimes of the fucking 1%. You’re not being a martyr, you’re a selfish piece of shit liar you little coward, you just want an easy way out and you want to die on your bloody fucking hill instead of admitting you’re wrong. Grow up, cringe little man.

why he went wrong: I think most of the reason this happened was the way he was raised combined with the kind of person he is. Norman would have turned out fine, if there has been good adults in his life who actually cared about his well being. Instead he got people who just wanted to control him and make him what they needed, and family who largely didn’t realize there was anything wrong. Ray being an ass to him most of forever probably didn’t help but well, that’s just Ray. Even then, he would have managed alright if he escaped with the rest of the kids because he would never have been separated from the experiences that caused the rest of them to realize demons weren’t all evil. In lambda he didn’t have anyone supporting him or telling him when things went too far, so he fell into relying on himself alone, pushing himself further with absolutely no limits. All he saw was enemies and allies, and things got stratified. He never had a lucas or a yuugo or mujika when he would have needed it, instead he found children who wanted him to be in charge and a world that made it so he had to be. Everything was an echo chamber for his worst thoughts, so they just became more and more dominant.

what he needs: To put it simply, he needs Emma and Ray to cut to the chase and slap him across the face and make him take care of himself. He needs to be forced to see everything for what it really is- this edgy 14 year old committing atrocities to feel better about himself? He needs to be told that what he’s doing is irrational, because in reality, it is. There are better solutions that he’s ignoring, both to his own suffering and the demons, and the way he’s going now no one will truly be happy because of it, that there is no requirement that things be perfect and this bullshit doesn’t make him stronger. He needs someone responsible to take the fucking dagger out of his hands. He also needs someone to babysit him and make him go to bed at a reasonable time.

i describe his personality through songs on my spotify playlist for him:

-outrunning karma by alec benjamin: this one super applies because it calls him out for making shitty decisions, being manipulative and a liar, and having blood on his hands in a very calm and subdued manner, that he knows this is wrong and yet he chooses to keep running faster and faster towards destruction, that he means to escape it through death

-empty by boyinaband and jaiden: yes this is a song about anorexia yes it also applies to norman i’m not saying norman literally has an eating disorder (but honestly it wouldn’t be far out of character if he did) but metaphorically this applies to his method of ignoring his needs, both emotional and physical, in favor of seeming in control 

-toxic thoughts by faith marie: this one speaks to his gifted kid trauma. Man’s got perfectionism running his entire soul. He’s terrified of failing, because he’s always been at the very top, he’ll beat himself up over any miniscule mistake and forces himself to keep at bad habits that keep him Productive, but he won’t ask for help no matter how much he’s suffering because that would be failing, he fights with his mind, this song basically tells him “yeah i feel you but you need to stop that”

-no time to die by billie eilish: ignore the romantic overtones but this is emma and norman, emma who trusted norman and was lied to, betrayed, for norman’s greater good, and norman who refuses to feel or hurt because of it, who refuses to apologize or see himself as wrong, pushes forward because he’s going to Pass Away

-achilles come down by gang of youths: hhhhh it's like. His vibe. Obviously you can disregard the lifestyle specific shit but it's. It's achilles come down you have to understand it’s like the same deal as friend, please just like french and longer

-friend, please by 21 pilots: i feel like i don't have to explain this one but it’s more to the manga (not the anime where he kind of figures out he done did wrong by himself instead of committing unforgivable sins and still going yeah this is valid before emma is like holy fuck). He is like sorry emma I cannot fix anything I’m going to die :) *coughs blood* and emma going like stop it stop it stop it fuck you see you fucked up and i forgive you just stop don’t walk away while he’s like “no<3”

why im a repressed little norman kinnie even tho he’s my exact opposite: I don’t generally kin ppl like norman, honestly he’s an infj I have no clue how it happened but I’m pretty sure it’s because of my intense desire to project onto a little man who cannot lift a milk jug and has chronic pain and decides you know what I AM tired of being nice i DO wanna go apeshit. Also he’s a twink. A little bastard. He’s a terrible person and I go mood every time he does anything. I said mood when he fell out of a tree. Don’t know what this says about me, I swear I wouldn’t commit no genocide. He’s like the inverse of Yoichi Saotome, and somehow i kin him too. Damn.

Miscellaneous headcanons:

-man’s SO attached to his william minerva cloak. He’s a wispy little bitch, you know he’s wearing that thing inside the house, he’s fucking cold. It also makes him Look Important he can retreat into it like an emo middle schooler with an oversized sweatshirt

-although you could probably get Mad street cred from having two whole brands you know he’s not gonna whip it out and show off his lambda thing he’s incredibly self conscious and his chest hasn’t seen the sun in years

-norman’s got MAD laundry skills to be able to wear like, all white all the time while constantly murdering people. I think he’s the only one who knows to do the laundry. And Ray is the only one who knows how to cook.

-but even then there’s gotta still be a few questionable stains on that thing, but if anyone asks he’s like “ketchup” “I’ve literally never seen you eat anything with that much color” “ketchup :)” *coughs blood*

-he’s probably thought “well i have not literally coughed blood yet today so I am not legally obligated to take care of myself”

-He probably adopted much of his current personality from taking on the persona of william minerva. I’m calling him out for being like me, he’s a blank motherfucker, he absorbs personality traits from characters he plays! He’s just not in theatre so it’s a bit more intense!

-the first time he sees barbara Eating Demon Meat he kinda stares and goes oh cool! not for me and violently exits the room. Like it's hilarious bc he thinks that's really gross on a moral level though he understands why she would do it 

-Which is even funnier bc I’m not sure about the canon on this but there was That Chapter Cover that one time that kinda seemed to imply norman eating demon meat which i absolutely latched onto because I’m terrible. He was just politely eating it. With a knife and fork like why dude. As to a possible reason for him doing that I can come up with, of course barbara does it out of spite, but man we don’t know the properties, if it had some sort of painkilling aspect to it or it was like, caffeine, you know he would, but he would Definitely not talk about it

-I kinda disagree with what the anime did in episode eight? It was good I liked it and the imagery was fantastic but also have you considered Norman could not kill someone with his own hands if he tried, or even physically injure them? That’s what his minions are for shawty. That doesn’t make it any less bad, of course, but the manga captured it perfectly by the fact of he carries around a dagger and a scepter in the capitol battle, but he never even raises it out of more than intimidation. He walks through calmly like he’s not scared at all but he makes sure all the lambda kids do all the actual murder, he just stands there impartially, clearly The Mastermind, as the kids fucking murder the queen of the demons. And I think that’s more profound because he’s, a coward. And he doesn’t realize being the one who orders the strike makes you just as responsible as the one who sticks the knife in someone. The knife is just there to Compensate™  for the fact that he weighs like eighty pounds.

-he’s more of like lady macbeth (because he’s a girlboss) than macbeth himself. He has blood on his hands, but it’s the kind of blood that you can’t wash off. He never killed anyone himself, and he cannot admit he never would have been able to.

-the last thing is that there are definitely epic things about the anime, episode 8 was my favorite so far, goddamn that imagery and the bitch walking through the city while it burns down with the screaming asmr going on behind him my god. We stan. But like the downside of, letting Emma and Ray get to him before he commits first degree murder makes the whole thing lose a lot of his value. In the manga (oh my god look at me being a pretentious manga fan please) it fit more of his ideas- he never backed down, and he planned for Emma coming and trying to stop him. Of course he wanted Emma to stop him, he wanted it with all his fucking heart he was pleading for it to happen but the man wouldn’t give himself what he wanted if he was held at gunpoint. He knew she’d come and he made absolutely sure she wouldn’t be able to stop him. So when she came and he said “you’re too late”??? It kind of said it all, in the fact that he was disappointed that he got his way. He still thought he did the right thing, but deep down there where he shoved all his thoughts and feelings he desperately wanted to be saved from himself.

So yeah, those are my thoughts. Feel free to eviscerate me if these are not Correct he is just my favorite girlboss who I feel the need to yell at

[roleplayerconfessions]

🌴 I will not name anyone, so this may sound way out in left field (or however the saying goes). I will say this happened in the Legacies fandom. Perhaps those involved will figure out what I am talking about or they never see this. At least I will get to say this out loud in a way. This happened like 1+ years ago and for the most part I have put it behind me, but every once in a while I think about it.

To give a short highlight of what happened, I had an oc character that was inspired by myself, but obviously tweaked to fit the fandom and because well it is fiction and not meant to be exactly like me. I am also not a dude and my oc is. I saw a new Hope Mikaelson account and was super exited when I looked at their page and what they had put on their google doc. I was like over the moon excited. But she never followed me. I felt rejected and that the reason was obviously something I was doing wrong. Now, despite this person's assumptioon I wasn't exactly fighting people off with a lightsaber. Activity was low despite my efforts, which kind or re-enforced that it is something I am doing wrong. Maybe my writing isn't good or not that interesting. I was determined to figure it out and fix it.

To give some context, I have autism, social anxiety, general anxiety, ADHD, low self-esteem and depression. What I didn't know at the time and wish I had was that one of the things people with ADHD experience is they will feel the right emotion for the situation but at a higher intensity. So while I felt rejected and anxiety, which are valid emotions in this situation, I felt them at a higher intensity than nerotypical people would. It made my anxiety worse. I was fixated on figuring out how to be more likable and what would make people want to write with me. If I could change this person's mind (the hope mikaelson mun) then maybe other people would give me a chance too. I did have a thread with two of her friends and I did confide in them, one more so than the other. But after a few days it got back to the person I was hoping to impress. The blocked me, which made me feel even worse. We went back and forth in the indie legacies rp tag.

I confided in two people I write with (well no the only two I wrote with at the time) and they both felt that while my reaction was not okay the person could have just told me why they did not want to write with me. That it would have prevented a lot of this, that despite the fact she didn't owe me an explination it is human nature to want one. No matter what they said in my head at least it was entirely my fault. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. The end resault is still the same. I know what I did wrong, I awknowledge and accept responisbility for it. If anyone else had any fault then that is on them.

Even to this day even though she doesn't write on that account (well since I last heard anyway) none of her friends will write with me. I followed another Hope Mikaelson acc who apparently is friends with her and she was nice to me and about three days later she blocked me for literally no reason. I just let it go. Figured the situation I just explained was why and just accepted it and moved on. It's what I wish I had done before.

I will never not be sorry for what happened and I will always regret how I behaved, wished I had made better choices and got advise on how to handle it in a way they would not cause drama. But I did learn that no one is worth feeling rejected over, nor can I make or earn someones desire to intereact with me. It is always best to just let it go and move on. Even if it means stepping away for a while.

I am not looking for feedback from anyone. I just wanted to say this and hopefully find peace with all of it. I am human, I made mistakes, but I am also learning. I am worth peoples time and effort and if they believe I am not then that is their loss, not mine.

[curious-menace]

Arkham Scarecrow SFW Alphabet

im really enjoying writing arkham scarecrow. maybe ill do something similar to my random riddler headcanons posts with some scarecrows

long post under the cut

 A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Uhhh, the short answer is no. Jonathan is almost wholly incapable of what most people would term “affection”. His idea of loving is not using you for his experiments, only giving you small doses to build up your immunity( not that that will stop him from enjoying watching you panic). Jonathan leans heavily on gifts and words of affirmation as his language of love ( assuming he can even feel that emotion). He calls you  “my dear”  and “my darling” or once “my pumpkin” if he had too much to drink. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Jonathan would make a good friend if he could ever be wrangled into admitting it. He’s a complete bastard, but he's a loyal bastard. He always goes above and beyond for his friends but it's always in a “aw shit. My favorite idiot needs help AGAIN?!” begrudging , kind of way. You probably met in university/college and if you've stuck with him this long he’d be hard to get rid of.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He never asks for cuddles and is pretty touch adversed as a rule. Sometimes though, He simply plonks himself in your space and expects you to know what he wants. Usually it's gentle backrubs/strokes like you would with a child. Sometimes he just wants your warmth to sooth his aching body. He’s heavier than he was in Arkham asylum but still very underweight so you shouldn't have too much trouble moving him into a comfortable position.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Absolutely not. I'm not convinced this man owns more than his books and the burlap sack on his back ,never mind a home. He has plans to take the cloudburst on tour, to go cross country and then across the world spreading fear. That would be a little difficult if he had gotham mortgage sending him nasty emails every other day about missed payments. While he can cook and clean, I doubt you'd want to eat anything he made. Ignoring his filthy hands, he's probably laced it with fear toxin or a lethal amount of hot sauce.

His homemade cleaning chemicals are pretty stellar mind you. They can get blood, piss or tears out of anything. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Scarecrow really is a ride or die kinda guy. If you've wormed your way into his life then he’s going to do literally everything and anything to keep you in it. He’s not above making you dependent on him for safety just to keep you around longer. He’s not a total monster to the people he cares about mind you. If you really didn't want to be with him, he’d let you go….eventually.

I'm not sure he fully understands the concept of a “breakup”on his end. He gets that you don't see eachother anymore but I don't think he quite grasps that it's not because one party is dead. There's a 99% chance he’ll use you for his fear toxin experiments as a way of kicking you to the kerb. If you wake up in a ditch with a text that says “we’re through” you should consider yourself lucky. 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

I canon arkham scarecrow as having been engaged at one point in his life, possibly around the time of origins. I can imagine his partner gave him a “me or the fear toxin” ultimatum which has led to the man you know now. Despite how he looks, how he speaks and acts, he’s still open to the idea of a partner. He’s a loyal man who can't stand backstabbers, he’d appreciate someone like a spouse/husband/wife to have his back. If he decided he wanted to get married he’d propose almost immediately. It might be more of a business or thesis type proposal with lots of talking rather than flowers and wine and you're likely to be married as soon as you said yes. 

He has a tiny pumpkin ring saved for the occasion. Something like this (image credit https://www.banggood.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s gentle, in a creepy way unsurprisingly. He was a little stronger than the average man before the incident with croc, all that cardio and fighting with batman made him a skinny legend amongst the rogues for how well he could fight. Now? He couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag. Mostly he's calm and soft, especially when you wouldn't expect him to be.  He can still be an emotionally manipulative person but chances are good you're smart enough to see right through him. Calling him on his bs is actually a good way to endear yourself to him. He likes a challenge and he loves it when people think they can outsmart him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Hmm. yes and no. Scarecrow is severely touch adversed, but...It's not like with Riddler; Edward is on the autism spectrum and genuinely gets overstimulated by a lot of physical contact, he doesn't usually enjoy it unless under specific circumstances. Scarecrow WANTS to be hugged and held on occasion, but the mere thought of someone in his personal bubble sends his hackles up. 

When he first woke up after the asylum, he clung to you like a lampent. Scarecrow gives and recieves hugs like someone who needs them to breath.Your warmth soothes the aching pain when even drugs couldn't . By the time of Arkham Knight he’s grown cold and distant. His hugs are few and far between and unusually half hearted even when he initiates them. Maybe he’s just preoccupied with batman.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

I doubt he’d ever say the words ``i love you” but he’s absolutely going to quote love poetry at you, recite lines from his favorite literature  “shall i compare you to a summer's day” and all that. That’s far better than a simple “i love you” right?

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Jonathan is sort of one note when it comes to expressing frustration. Coffee machine not working? Melt it down into fear toxin vials. Line at the grocery store? Gas everyone out of his way. He doesnt get mad, he gets even. He’s not a super jealous person, he’s probably the most secure in himself out of all the rogues in Gotham bar Selina and ivy. But when something does hit his jealousy bone just right? LORD HE IS TERRIBLE. 

Unless you were the instigator, you are 100% safe but the poor soul who made the mistake of flirting with you will never see the light of day again.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He can't really kiss to be honest. He lacks a lot of lip tissue and tongue dexterity for deep smooching. He’s quite happy to give you little pecks on the cheek but anywhere else will get sloppy and he's not a fan of that. Jonathan has actually started to bump you with his head like a cat in lieu of kisses. Rare as it is, when he wants kisses he has a tendency to nuzzle into the crook of your neck or rest his head on your shoulder. He likes to be kissed on the cheek , forehead and top of his head. Most other places are covered in scars and lack the sensitivity to enjoy it.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He likes to scare kids. It's not as malicious as it is with adults, he just likes to yell boo at them, smiling as they scream and giggle and run away. It's probably the most innocent he’ll act around other people. He still doesnt like them per say but he’ll tolerate them in small doses. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Scarecrow , like most rogues, is not a morning person. He doesn't sleep well and he is hella grumpy when he first wakes up. Expect to watch him shuffle around his hideout like a zombie, still wearing a quilt and his dressing gown as he complains about everything from the weather to the loud creaking of the floorboards. You should present him with food and coffee and then retreat to a safe distance until he’s fully awake, otherwise he’s liable to turn on his grumpy old man routine on you. If he's feeling particularly sore or needy, he’ll ask you to help change his bandages and dressings .

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

It really depends on what he feels like in the moment. Sometimes he’ll leave you at home while he goes out to cause general mischief, sometimes he’ll bring you along as a look out. Sometimes it's a low-key night at the hideout reading and sometimes it's a caffeine fueled frenzie of experimentation and lab work with you as his trusty lab assistant.  He doesn't sleep well at night, the aches keep him up. If he were ever to actually go to bed he might find that you make a great pillow.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

As much as he resents people having the upperhand with information, it's hard not for people to see his past. His scars are so easily visible, inside and out. He doesn't talk about his past unless prompted. But if you do he’ll quite happily answer all your questions; he’s not afraid of discussing it. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Jonathan is a very patient man, not just when it comes to revenge.It takes quite a lot to make him fly off the handle and he cools off again quickly. That's not to say he doesn't hold a grudge like he’s being paid for it, only that it's more of a simmering anger rather than a boiling one.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers most things about you, he has an excellent memory. But that being said he never lets on that he knows these things. He likes to hear you talk about the things that interest you, even if you've told him about it before. Watching you wax lyrical about your chosen subject makes him feel close to you. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

I don't know if it's a favorite or even a positive memory but when he first woke up from surgery after croc you were lying beside him. He was understandably confused, maybe even afraid, but seeing you there brought him great comfort. He didn't know what was happening because of all the meds, but as long as you were with him he was confident things would work out for him.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He means well, you should always keep that in mind  before you snap at him. He brought you to the arkham knights HQ to protect you from his plans, he’s given you micro doses of fear toxin to build your resistance and by the time of arkham knight you can hardly move for the amount of guards he has following you around. He’s overbearing bordering on controlling but I think it's because he simply can't admit the thought of losing you scares him, even just a little. You aren't a rogue, you don't know Batman like they do. He just needs to keep you safe from batman, from the police and from the ugly world outside.

Given how weak he’s been viewed practically all his life, I believe he’d resent the accusation he needed protecting. deep in his mind he knows no one man is an island. He appreciates little helps even if he won't say it. He doesn't need protection per say but If nothing else, after being injected with his new toxin, he's going to need someone who’s corpus mentis in his corner for court and medical proceedings.  

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

His idea of a perfect date is you two working on your respective projects in comfortable silence, maybe a trip to the museum if he feels like the exercise. Obviously that suits some people down to the ground, myself included, but he gets that it's not for everyone. He’s probably ok with you planning the activities provided you warn him beforehand. 

Given everything he’s been planning for batman, things like important dates and even everyday tasks have a tendency to get lost in the fray. He's not doing it on purpose, He’s glad to celebrate these things with you if you remind him, He's just got his priorities in a funny order.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He shuffles his feet when he walks and is one of those people who always has conversations in doorways. You can never be sure he isn't aware of these habits and is doing them on purpose. He also used to smoke quite heavily but has since given it up due to his throat and lung issues.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

It's sort of a mixed bag with him. On the one hand he knows he’s ugly, that's the point. You're MEANT to be scared looking at him, he’s leaning into it. But on the other hand his “look” is a carefully maintained visage; if it slips it might lose the intended effect. He might not be as scary to look at or worse, people might look at him in pity. It's not ordinary vanity or narcissism but yes, he is concerned with maintaining the way he looks 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

The concept of feeling whole is somewhat lost on him; He’s clearly missing a few screws even in his most lucid moments. That said even in the depths of madness brought on by his toxin, he still notices your absence. Still incredibly distressed In his cell in blackgate, he can often be heard crying out to you for comfort  but is lacking the wherewithal to understand why you're not there. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Given that he has pretty extensive facial injuries, eating is pretty difficult for him. He used to really enjoy bagels and cubanos from gothams many deli’s. His favorite was a kosher deli in The Cauldron, before Joker ruined it. They’ve since rebuilt and while he can't eat many solids anymore , he still enjoys their matzo soup and smoothies. 

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Like most of the rogues, he absolutely can't stand bullies.He also can't stand physically aggressive people; if you're going to even TRY and intimidate him maybe you could use your words like someone with more than 2 brain cells to rub together, rare as that is in gotham. Back when he was a psychiatrist he hated people who were chronically late. Not his patients, most of the time it wasn't their fault  due to executive dysfunction or traffic, but people who kept HIM back and made HIM late were the bane of his existence. 

Z = Zzz (What are their sleep habits?)

Crane is a back sleeper who snores because of his damaged septum.He knows he makes a noise akin to a flip flop in a lawn mower but there is literally nothing he can do about it besides sleep on his stomach. He squirms around a lot in his sleep so even if he starts on his stomach, he’ll be on his back snoring like a dead horse in no time. The only thing that could keep him frontwise is if he were to sleep on you and have you hold him in place. 

[hyperfixatinglove]

Disclaimer: This is just reflection of my own feelings if I happen to be on the autism spectrum and have adhd

Summary: Ushio gives me the validation & comfort I need 

“Hey honeybear.”

“What’s up?”

Of course he’d know something would bother me even if I utterly refused or was incapable of speaking about it. I kept fiddling with the strand of my hair, became self-conscious of it and stopped. I stalled again by standing, looking everywhere expect at my husband, yet again. On the other hand, I wanted nothing more than to speak, but no words came out and I had no idea how to start.

He was patient, as always, and it made me teary-eyed. He never hurried me nor pushed me too much to speak. 

“I think I might.. fit, no, be on autism spectrum.” I mumbled quietly and looked at his eyes for just a moment. His eyes furrowed and I smiled, for it happened piecing things together in his mind. I watched as my words sank in his mind and the realization hit in, the happy surprise it caused on his features.

“That explains a lot.”

“I know right!?”

His acceptance, his so quick acceptance demolished the walls made by my own anxiety and desperate need for validation. My tendency to get excited for things I thought dear reared its head again as he scooted and I sat beside him, us facing each other.

“I know you can’t stand strong lights nor scents but is there something else?” He gently asked and grasped my hand in his with reassuring smile.

“Oh I have like 2 pages in my notebook just for things I think and feel that add up!” I exclaimed, my face erupting in big smile. I paused, but then decided to list some anyway, since he asked.

“Well, I need to be told cause I won’t get implied things. I fiddle with my hair all the damn time and talk to myself all the time, I have routines or rather rituals and get anxious when they’re disrupted, have wild imagination.. Just to pick some. For a record, I think I’m low support.”

“Oh and I obsess over my hobbies. I thought everyone did! And I have one-track mind! Multitasking? Nope, not here not in this brain.” I listed and giggled. My laughter slowly died, leaving the genuine smile I had with dimples. I waited for him to say something but all he did was to give my hand a squeeze.

“And of course I’m going to talk to my psychologist - I can’t wait for that I’m so anxious I can barely fall asleep at night - but it feels right! I could finally have a label for my feelings and get validation of not being dumb, not being lazy AND not being stupid or horrible human being because I forget like 98% of the shit I need to remember!”

“Not to mention I could finally not feel like a fucking nuisance for rambling like this non-stop when I’m nervous or get a chance to talk about my interests! Imagine that!”

“Not to mention I have such extreme sensory issues I could finally get explanation for those too!”

“AND I learned there’s these things like stim and fiddle toys and I fell in love with tangles! They’re colorful and you twist them around!”

My husband watched with a loving smile as I kept talking and emoting with my free hand, while my other one rubbed his skin absently.

“My parents suggested I’d have ADHD too, since I forget so much and get distracted so often. I’m going to see doctor about that as well, but I’m excited and terrified my love!”

“You know I’ll be there with you?” He muttered with a grin, eyes half lid, like they were when he smiled like this, against the sunset outside pouring from the windows.

I squeed and practically launched myself into a hug. I could feel his laughter rumble in his chest as I slowly felt his big arms wrap around me and warmth to envelope my whole body. The combination and feeling of familiar, loving safety caused me sigh deeply.

“Better help you with those appointments. And research.”

“Oh I’m so going to rob you into my research hours darling!” 

[babysizedfics]

i know u have the moving stuff going on so u can answer this whenever u get a chance but i got an ouchie so how would the boys react to getting an ouchie? does mama or papa give the boys bandaids? does ro ever get hurt and fall out of headspace? im just v interested! 🐝

We addressed Roman's reaction to getting a boo boo in this headcanon and now i'm gonna build on the virgil side of it!!

i just wanna mention that i hc adult virgil as being very good at hiding physical pain - like Too good, i remember we said once that he didn't tell the light sides about his allergy to eggs and accidentally ate some in pattons baking and had a reaction - but he hid it from them for a few hours until it got pretty unbearable. also he's just not overly aware of physical pain, i like to think its part of his autism that while he is hyPERsensitive to temperature and textures he is hyPOsensitive (less sensitive) to physical pain

HOWEVER we all know vee is very emotional and jumpy when regressed and i think being a baby makes him much more subconsciously aware of the fact that he can be hurt and relies on his CGs to protect him form danger

in both chapter 3 and 8 of little accidents you see Vee take a bit of a fall - once from tumbling down a couple stairs and the second time from falling out of logans lap - both times he is not injured but both time he bursts into tears from the shock of the experience

so adding pain into that situation i think would result in a pretty inconsolable baby vee :(

all of the family are incredibly gentle and careful and protective with vee and also he's low energy when regressed and doesn't tend to move around much, so him being hurt is a rare occurrence, luckily

but when it does happen..

vee will be silent for a couple of seconds - the calm before the storm - where his body is just shocked from the sudden change in sensation

and then his body will register it as Pain and will set off his panic and he starts crying pretty quickly after that - it starts out silent, or perhaps supplemented by muffled whimpers because his instinct to minimise his pain is still in place

but as soon as roman goes 'vee are you okay??' or logan goes 'Sweetheart are you hurt?' or patton goes 'oh my poor little baby' the waterworks really start and he starts sobbing and spluttering and whining because that last wobbly wall of wanting to hide his pain is shattered by his family's care for him

its rlly heartbreaking when anyone witnesses vee properly wailing while regressed, the sound is just so genuine and so clearly completely real for a baby who can't process pain that everyone HATES to hear it and make it their mission to stop it

Logan's top priority is always to check for injuries - if vee hit his head he will feel for a bump and ask some baby friendly questions to check for a concussion (you can never be too careful when vee is regressed and wouldnt be able to communicate his needs verbally)

then logan immediately picks vee up and carries him into the kitchen to the first aid kit - meanwhile calling for patton or roman to help him because he isn't as strong as patton, so he cant really move his arms while carrying virgil and needs help getting a bandaid

patton's paternal instincts scream I NEED TO HOLD MY BABY whenever he hears vee crying - all reason drains from his mind and it is pure instinct, he will literally drop anything he's doing (and has broken a couple of objects from dropping them in panic) and dash to his babys side, cradling him in his lap or bouncing him on his hip and cooing constantly, desperate to comfort his baby enough to stop crying

but yknow what logan's thorough checking for injuries and preoccupation with medical attention makes vee feel scared because its not soft, not comforting, it makes him worry he is seriously hurt

and pattons coddling is nice but it doesnt really make vee feel better necessarily, the tears continue because as much as pattons babying is comofrting and keeps him in that young headspace, it doesnt do much to change the situation

so with both caregivers doing these things virgil is as i said pretty inconsolable no matter what they do

But roman..

Roman is far more aware of his brother's needs than anyone realises. They spend a lot of time together while little, they're (as patton said in chapter 8) "practically inseparable" - and while they are almost always accompanied by one cg, theres just a special bond between siblings that can't be matched

even though they bicker a little and their needs and interests dont match up, they understand each other because theyre both littles, and roman is the closest to a childs mindset than either of the CGs

roman understands some things that vee says that the CGs dont oick up on - sometimes literally, he will undersyand a babbled word vee is trying to say because he understands virgils thinking process and that when logan mentioned the ocean vee saying 'woumber!' is him saying flounder, his favourite character from The Little Mermaid - also i accredit this to the fact that they are both neurodivergent!

and while they are big roman is surprisingly the one who picks up most on virgil being in pain - because he too tries to hide his pain behind a facade of bravery and indifference, he sees himself in virgil covering up his suffering, and when he notices this when theyre big he squeezes virge's shoulder gently and challenges him to mario kart - virgil always scoffs or rolls his eyes or something nonchalant and says yeah sure whatever, but he always squeezes romans hand back just as softly (thank you)

so, back to the point, little roman knows that the best way to get virgil through his pain is to make him smile and forget about it - so roman dials up his class clown energy when baby vee is hurt and it ALWAYS works

we mentioned in a couple headcanons before that once when virgil is crying roman sings the peppa pig song and adapts it so that it's their family saying their names and snorting like piggies, and in another headcanon we said that while vee is upset roman gives him little stuffie performances and makes them climb over vees legs and arms (it works because 1. its silly and he makes them dance and encouraged vee to interact with them and 2. the soft textures on vee's limbs distract him from the pain)

so while it is very important that logan is there to treat vee's injuries and patton is there to coo and coddle him, they only manage to get vee to stop crying because roman is such a good big brother 🥺

[child-of-peace]

So I was watching Fitzsimmons clips on YouTube, and noticed a scene I had quite forgotten existed (given that I watched the first season in one day with my friends, it’s no surprise I didn’t remember this part) but I wanted to talk a bit about 1x20. (This will be an in-depth Fitz-centric analysis of that scene, just to let you know.)

I’d like to make clear from the outset, this is completely my own opinion based on my own experiences. Other people may read the scene differently and that is completely their own opinion and I respect that.

I’m autistic myself and I headcanon that both Jemma and Fitz are autistic too (though really it should be canon with all the signs they’ve given us throughout the show). The clip I saw was of Fitz very clearly having a meltdown, but because the video I was watching was only about Fitzsimmons + every time they say each other’s names, the clip only showed a couple of seconds of it. So I found the episode in question and looked for the scene.

For anyone who plans to watch the show and has not already seen this episode or heard any spoilers for it (though how you’ve managed to avoid spoilers, I have no clue!), I’m about to reveal one of the biggest spoilers for Season 1, so maybe just scroll past this post.

Anyway, so in the scene we see Fitz, Coulson and Trip standing by whilst Jemma is doing an autopsy on the dude who, as this scene later reveals was killed by Ward. Fitz clearly saw Ward as a big brother kind of figure and as we all know, was unwilling to believe Ward was capable of this.

Throughout the early parts of the scene, Fitz is displaying some of the “signs of distress” (as noted by the National Autistic Society) which can be seen as a precursor to a meltdown: pacing, repetitive questioning and even, as Jemma is giving her report, going completely still. Also, when he talks to Trip and Trip puts his hand on Fitz’s shoulder (terrible decision), Fitz pushes him away saying “Don’t touch me.” (This likely would’ve made Fitz more overwhelmed because contact can be Bad especially from a near stranger when you’re close to/having a meltdown.)

The meltdown itself doesn’t hit until Jemma says “Ward did this.” You can see beforehand, she is hesitant to say anything, partially because she can tell Fitz is getting overwhelmed, but she has a job to do. The next moment, Fitz flings something metal across the room and pushes everything off the nearby surface, because this information is too much, because it’s bad, bad, bad and he’s overwhelmed.

Jemma knows what’s going on. Of course she does. They’ve been best friends for eight years by this point, this is certainly not the first meltdown either of them have had in front of each other. Each autistic person has their own rules about what works for them and what doesn’t when they’re having a meltdown. So Fitzsimmons probably have a routine, little things they do to calm each other down, such as the hand-on-shoulder thing which they do all the time to comfort one another. The hand-on-shoulder thing in and of itself is important because it’s a somewhat safe place to touch and familiar for them and if the comforted party needs more, they can go for a hug, if that’s enough, they can put their hand on the comforter’s and if it’s too much, they can easily move away. This shows they have their rituals.

Whilst Coulson and Trip are shocked at Fitz’s “sudden” outburst, Jemma gasps at the noise, but then immediately steps towards him. She knows what she’s doing. She calls out his name, and when he starts hitting the wall (which is something that will cause him pain), she reaches for him (this is a bad idea unless you are sure the other person is comfortable with it) and she tries to stop him from hurting himself by moving him away from the wall.

Here’s where it goes wrong. Now to be clear, I don’t think that’s through any fault of the writers or the actors here, but rather, the reaction from a neurotypical (or at the very least allistic) character is very real and true to what can happen in real life, and therein lies the problem. Coulson gets involved.

Coulson clearly views this as a fit of rage or something to that effect, and therefore, his reaction is to treat Fitz as a younger colleague who has lost control of his emotions due to anger and is now acting out, rather than recognising what Jemma does: that Fitz is not okay. When Fitz leans over the table, Jemma puts her hand on his shoulder; familiar, safe. But then Coulson is there, by his side, saying, “We need to hold it together, listen” as though this is something that Fitz can control, like all he needs to do is put a lid on his “temper”; bad, bad, bad.

To hear this as a response to a meltdown will not help you to calm down. It’ll only make you more stressed. This is shown when Fitz, after Coulson says this, hits out, knocking something else off the table. Jemma’s crying. She doesn’t know how to help Fitz because this is their boss stood in front of them, and what can she say in front of him. She can’t tell him to back off and give Fitz space. She can’t tell him that he’s not helping. All she can do is watch as her best friend struggles. The only support she can offer is her hand on his shoulder.

“All that anger, all that pain, you need to hold it in and focus on Skye.” Pain, yes. Anger, no. He’s not angry. He’s overwhelmed. Holding it in won’t help and is certainly not healthy at all for him. And as for focusing, it is so hard to focus on something else when your brain is still struggling to process one piece of information. And Coulson doesn’t stop talking, doesn’t stop trying to “motivate” Fitz into redirecting his “anger”. And when Fitz doesn’t respond, because he’s trying to calm himself down so that he doesn’t feel like he’s a hindrance to his team like his father probably led him to believe, Coulson grabs his shoulder (not roughly) and pulls him up so that Fitz will look at him. Fitz lets him, because what else can he do, this is his superior and his father most likely drilled some bullshit into his mind before he was ten, but he doesn’t look at Coulson’s face.

Fitz, in his overwhelmed state, cannot stand to make eye contact or even attempt to pretend to make eye contact. Instead, he averts his gaze, keeping it low, as Coulson tells him what he needs from him. Then Fitz meets Coulson’s eyes when Coulson says “can you do that?” To a neurotypical, maybe this sounds like an “I need you to do this for me, cool?” (I wouldn’t know) but from an autistic perspective, this sounds like “are you capable of doing that?”. This, therefore, to Fitz sounds like Coulson is saying “your autism is getting in the way of your work and your inability to maintain the standards a neurotypical would be able to maintain makes me question whether or not you are suitable for this job”. Of course, that isn’t what Coulson is trying to say, but for Fitz? Fitz, whose father called him stupid and incapable when he was young. Fitz, whose peers mocked and isolated him. Fitz, who struggles to open up and forces himself into being someone else around NTs because, in his experience, they don’t understand him and many won’t even try. Fitz takes this as a reprimand.

So he nods, because he can’t speak right now, but he’ll be the person they need right now. Because if he isn’t, will they give up on him? Fitz leaves the room, head hung low, Jemma just behind him.

There is no follow-up to this scene, but I imagine that, when it was just him and Jemma, his meltdown struck properly. And, as far as I can remember (which apparently isn’t very far), he doesn’t have a meltdown like this in front of his team again (with the exception of Jemma’s disappearance, when he lost the one person who understood him/the love of his life, but even then, with witnesses, his meltdowns seem contained), most likely a result of this and the trauma he still carries from his childhood.

You can find the scene in question on YouTube here.

TL;DR: In my opinion, Jemma’s interaction with Fitz during his meltdown in this scene was based on years of friendship and trust and actually listening to what he needs. Coulson’s interactions with Fitz, while well-meaning, were probably more damaging than helpful. If you have an autistic friend/family member, find out what their specific needs are when they have a meltdown, and try to keep a calm voice and don’t overwhelm them.

I’d like to make clear here, that I love Coulson as a character, I just think he reacted badly in this scene because he didn’t recognise what was happening. Plus, Coulson is completely justified in wanting to help Daisy (Skye), but he’d have better luck if he let Fitz calm down and sort his thoughts out first!

[a-stitch-in-time-and-space]

Headcanon: Julian Bashir is autistic and has frequent sensory overload, and the only two people who can help him are Garek and O’ Brien. Me? Projecting? It’s more likely than you think!!!

Ha, moooood. Which on that note I have a somewhat intense fic here in which Julian has a meltdown. It’s not related to sensory issues so much as “oh boy a lot of shit’s happened to him” but if you want more O'Brien helping him out after this – so because we gave that fic to O'Brien, let’s give this one to Garak.

Also can we talk about the fact that it’s canon that Julian and the other augments can hear sounds at decibels that non-augments can’t and that it causes them pain, but Julian just taught himself to not react, like fuck, how did someone write this and not follow through on Julian-Bashir-is-autistic-and-or-otherwise-nd!

sorry for taking so long, a. this got a bit longish so it’s under a cut and b. I got distracted by the fact that I always want to see everyone’s notes on reblogs in case of interesting discussion points and i have just now learnt that that cannot be done easily if a lot of people reblog at once… oh hyper-fixation how you get me time and again

this takes place post-Doctor Bashir I Presume and alludes to the fact that during this time Garak and Bashir’s interactions were gradually stripped away in the show (because it too gay) - Andy Robinson ran with that in A Stitch In Time and had Garak write about how much he regretted the two of them not remaining close/hinted that he was in love with him… so take that background as you will.

—— More Space ——-

Thank goodness, he thought after an indeterminate amount of time. O'Brien was here. He would be able to calm him down, he would know how to come up with some soothing description of exactly which of DS9’s pistons or pipes or programs was currently making that noise and he’d either fix it or stay with him until it sorted itself out. Or maybe the noise was gone and the residual whining was just himself recreating it perfectly in his head, or maybe he was just too far gone by now for it to matter, but O'Brien would help. Since the two of them had become friends and some of Julian’s old ticks had returned after his augmentation had come to light, Miles had been a surprisingly steady presence in his life.

“Doctor?”

No, not Miles.

Garak.

He couldn’t make himself respond. His body felt like it was compressing him into a vice, with all his ability to focus somehow splintered into a million shards, each of them painful to the touch. Oh no, what if Garak touched him? If Garak touched him right now he might shatter or scream or something else entirely outside of his control, but talking was also impossible right now, so he couldn’t ask him not to touch, please don’t touch-

Garak sat down in front of him, far enough away that it didn’t feel like too… much.

“Doctor. You don’t need to say or do anything.”

He could manage that.

“I was wondering why you’d missed our lunch date. Very pleased to find you didn’t simply opt not to come without telling me, although I find the alternative to be distressing.”  He stopped talking for a moment then. “Apologies for breaking into your room. Again.”

While Garak simply sat and occasionally spoke Julian was dimly aware of the fact that he could feel his edges hardening again. The shards were being pulled back together.

He also noticed now that he was freezing. It usually happened like that, having sat sedentary for however long or coming down from some emotional extreme. He shivered.

“This station is cold,” said Garak.“The temperature, the lights, the people… all too cold.”

Julian managed a smile and it was like his mouth was freed from a curse. “It is, isn’t it.”

“Not to mention loud,” Garak added.

“All that machinery,” Julian nodded and spoke slowly. His mouth still needed to unstick. “Every time an alarm goes it’s like a sharp pain… I used to be… much better at this.”

“What do you mean?”

“I used to… I used to get these all the time as a child. Meltdowns, shutdowns, I think. But then my parents told me later that it was a side-effect of the augmentations and I tried to… to will myself to stop them, to bypass my natural instincts in order to not be found out and it worked, in a way, or at least nobody found out. I familiarised myself with and categorised any sights, sounds, smells, feelings I came across on earth during my Starfleet training and ordered them into lists and sublists: What I could handle mostly, what I could handle sometimes, what I needed to avoid at all costs. I managed to… to pretend. And then I came to Deep Space Nine and for awhile it was all too much again, I had to make new lists, but I managed, I really… I really did, I really did, I really-” he was talking himself into hyperventilating again, he knew this, but he couldn’t stop now, “- and then I got captured and it was like everything just stopped. I barely- I don’t even remember most of it, but when I got back it was so much worse -”

“Julian,” said Garak and the sound of his first name coming from Garak’s mouth surprised him back to the now. “Julian,” said Garak again. “You’re here. With me. On a floor that is quite cold, I might add.”

Julian breathed out and mumbled under the exhale. “One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.”

“What is that,” asked Garak.

“Counting my fingers. It… helps.”

“Noted,” and the easy way in which Garak seemed to have just accepted that he would be helping Julian again in future was another shock to his system, but then why wouldn’t he? Even if they hadn’t met up as often as they used to. Even if he was untrustworthy at heart and Julian could never figure out why Garak wanted his company at all. He found he missed Garak’s simple and complicated nature. It grounded him, somehow.

He got up off the floor, reaching out for Garak when he stumbled. He held him just tight enough to make sure that he wouldn’t fall. Not overcrowding – Julian suddenly remembered that Garak was claustrophobic. He must know how easily sensory inputs could become too much.

At Garak’s questioningly soft hold on his arm, Julian nodded and he helped him to the sofa. “Would you like some water?”

Julian nodded. As Garak went to fetch it, he began to talk again. Somehow… he just needed to get it out now, like an excision. “After the truth came out my mother told me that they’d been lying. I mean, they’ve been lying about so much, but specifically about this. I’ve always been like this. Or. Some of it. The meltdowns. I thought… those memories weren’t real. But now they are? Some of them. I’m having trouble sorting them.”

Garak handed him the water.

“I developed a theory,” said Julian, forgetting to sip.

“Tell me your theory doctor,” said Garak, his tone of voice tender as he sat down beside him, again, close enough if he needed him, but not too close.

“I was wondering why a heightened inability to process inputs was a side-effect of the vast majority of augments, when I had this inability before my augmentation. I started to suspect that it was less to do with the augmentations and was simply… who we were. The augmentations gone wrong could throw that into extremes, but that may have more to do with medical trauma responses than… anyway, I can’t confirm until I have more data. I did research into my own developmental delays, the medical history – it’s fascinating how we repeat cycles actually, first it was considered a form of possession or changelings, then it began to be classed under a broad form of what would be known as schizophrenia, then divided into narrow and still somewhat inaccurate categories of autism, aspergers, adhd, add, high and low functioning etcera, and then was gradually broadened again under general brain-differences known as neuroatypicals or neurodiverse,” he took a breath and continued: “- I’m not too interested in 21st century history honestly, but I know the government upheavals affected medical classifications and concepts of what was known broadly as “disabilities” at the time, and that it fundamentally shifted again once we formed the federation. But then -” and here he started gesticulating widely in excitement or outrage - “it all becomes the same just repackaged, doesn’t? Stigma against augments who are overwhelmingly people like me is stigma against neurodiversity is stigma against the “possessed,” it’s…” he trailed off. “It’s all the same,” he finished lamely.

He’d become very aware suddenly that he’d done that thing that annoyed most of the people he ever conversed with, running his mouth while forgetting the other person. But Garak didn’t seem annoyed. He was listening intently, in fact. At the pause he even nodded and offered: “The history of such matters is different on Cardassia. Or rather, mental and developmental differences don’t get acknowledged on Cardassia.”

“Eugenics?” said Julian with a frown.

“Not as such. We don’t mind in theory, as long as everyone can perform the tasks they’re assigned to. It’s a… class thing. If you belong to a powerful family and are expected to do great things in the army or politics or the sciences, being unable to do so for any reason is usually – what is the term humans use? - “Swept under the rug.” But then someone like you, dear doctor, if you had been Cardassian it might surprisingly have been easier for you.”

Julian shook his head. “My abilities are due to my augmentations. I’d have been… I don’t know. Not me,” he said softly.

At that, Garak gave him a look that he couldn’t pin down. Something… surprised for a moment, almost? Then smoothed out into an enigmatic smile. “Perhaps. From what you tell me you’ve always processed like you do, you’ve just been given better tools to translate and more…” he searched for the word for a second, before landing on: “space.”

At that Julian burst out into an unexpected laugh. “I certainly have enough space out here. More than enough, I’d say.”

Garak’s smile deepened. “But it doesn’t matter. Either you were always going to be able to pursue medicine and the stigmas of your parents and surrounding society were preventing you from discovering that on your own, or your augmentations made you unlock new abilities. But on Cardassia someone with the kind of passion you possess would have done well, with or without them.”

“If I were born into the right class. And if I didn’t get arrested for being fundamentally against the militaristic state.”

“Naturally,” acceded Garak. “And I must say I’m quite relieved to find the incorruptible, perfect federation comes with its own flaws. One wouldn’t have expected it with the way humans constantly go on about it.”

“Oh, we go on about the federation? According to you Cardassia is superior in culture -”

“- oh, definitely -”

“- politics -”

“- without a doubt, my dear -”

“- criminal justice system?”

“- well, we’ve never brought a wrong case before the court-”

“- I know you’re just saying that to rile me up-”

“- my dear doctor, when have I ever been anything but sincere?”

“- when have you ever said anything you meant?”

“- I am offended, truly-” said Garak with a big grin on his face.

Julian found it the easiest thing in the galaxy to return.

“Remember to drink your water,” he was reminded, gently, before they continued their lunch discussion. It was a moment in which they both forgot that they had ever begun to drift apart in the first place.

—— The End ——-

[coffeebeannate]

Possibly Nonsensical ToG Representation: Personal Perspective

Nate nobody wants to read six thousand paragraphs of your inane ramblings okay?

Well maybe that IS the case, maybe SO but maybe I’m going to ramble anyway. And maybe I’ll never ever undraft this post because well who knows.

I ended up not drafting it, I just posted. Because why not. Pls don’t regret this, future me.

BUT.

I will say that, one thing that The Old Guard did that really stuck out to me, and has only continued to do so since reading others posts about it was, ironically, send my dysphoria sky-fucking-high.

(Not in a wholly bad way, that is!)

(For the record, I’m 29, and an AFAB pre-T trans guy, pre-T in like pre ANYTHING, I’m barely out publicly to anyone that isn’t a personal or really close friend, or like, my therapist, anywho)

In most cases, my dysphoria is on a very low simmer, there, but something I try to ignore because of circumstances, etc. It’s always a bother, sure, but well, I live, I guess.

So, I’m a Marvel fan, and in most cases..people I see on TV have been, well, lets be real-Chris Evans. Standard Hollywood types. I do have other examples of less ‘classically’ attractive actors on my list of things I like to watch, and absorb, and I’m a basic person who has basic ass thoughts sometimes. Those people are hot, those people appeal to the most innate feelings of people who feel things from attractive looking people.

But in my head, it’s ALWAYS been through the lens of ‘This is nice to look at. Utterly unrealistic, but nice.”

(I actually only recently learned about using dehydration to get those looks, and it further cements Hollywood shadiness, but anyway)

So for me, AMAB and men on TV have never really done much to my dysphoria. It’s not a look I’d ever have..so it never set off those bells in my head. I dislike having an AFAB body, sure, but it’s not like looking at the equivalent of a modified human art project on TV really did anything to it.

And then..the Old Guard

Fuck this is long, more under the cut.

So I want to point out that I LIKE action movies. I like things that blow up and gun fights on TV. I get a kick out of the dramatics and I’ve been in the Bond fandom since Craig Bond became a thing. I have some familiarity with the genre in general, on a low scale. And again, the Marvel fandom ofc. I also like comic books, and have for years. 

None of these things are new to me.

But what is new, I think, is seeing it done differently.

I’ve noticed a HUGE difference in reviews of the Old Guard. On sites like IMDB.com. YouTube, etc, it’s..not getting the best reviews. And I know now why that is-it wasn’t MADE for the audience action movies are usually made for. And if you compare the comic for the Old Guard to the movie, it’s VERY obvious where Gina Prince-Bythewood made changes with Greg Rucka (And possibly Leandro Fernandez) to give it a better appeal over all. (Especially with giving the characters more layers, even in two hours, and making the story have more of a family and emotional value, which is a great choice and I wholly applaud her and her team. The team feels so much more lived-in in the film than in the comics, though I’ve not read through Vol 2 yet)

Compared to Tumblr, where people are raving about the movie *myself included*, and people who NEVER see themselves in a movie, let alone in a movie done WELL are flipping over themselves over it. And I am in that group entirely.

It has been an absolute delight to see people raving about this. Maybe it’s not perfect, but it’s so incredibly important to people who don’t ever get any GOOD representation that isn’t terribly forced, overdone, stereotyped, etc.

Is Old Guard perfect? No, is it really nice to see yourself in a movie outside of your ‘assigned genre’ (alternative films, etc)

Have I watched it six goddamned times since it came out? Yes, I have. I’m down this rabbit hole, I am living here.

Which brings me back to the original point I was making before this spawned into something entirely different. 

“How did that make you dysphoric, then, Nate?”

Because, to be perfectly blunt, I want to link this post here, by @lindstrom2020 which hammered home why, and that point is that, there is virtually 0 sexualization of the characters. There is nothing gratuitous about bodies on screen here, nothing. And we never.ever.see.that.

And no, I’m not going to pretend like I don’t eyeball people on screen. I’m not devoid of sexuality, I am entirely pansexual. But that’s not what I’m trying to say here. I think that, well..seeing bodies that are still entirely masculine, and yet not..what’s the word I want..’done up’? Made all the difference in the world. For the first time, I saw, on TV, an average body, presented in a way that makes it look good, strong and almost achievable. Almost completely NORMAL in that way.

And no, none of the actors in the movie are unattractive. Not even a little bit. They’re still really goddamned pretty. But it was JARRING to see them as pretty but fairly average appearing.

And my brain..synapsed.

As a trans dude, I’m going to straight up say it’s VERY hard to envision what your post-transition body might appear as. It will never be entirely cis-looking (if you will) the way a body that’s biologically created will be, if you will. So you’re stuck working with so much imagination, so much of it relies on looking at post-transition bodies, those done after surgery and YEARS of hormones and even then not knowing.

And for me, well I’m tall, bulky and overweight. I’m also curved, and have a massive back, broad shoulders and long tree trunk like legs. (None of this is said to be a put down on my end, btw, I’m not fishing for compliments, this is the best way I can describe it)

(None of the characters are overweight, so obviously there’s still something there too that’s left to my own imagination, but I digress)

But! There is still something REALLY fucking validating about seeing men on screen who are still attractive without dehydrated abs and veined out skin because the flesh is crying out for sustenance.

I dunno..for me, it was just..strange to see. And there’s also something really really fucking NICE about queer people in the action genre that haven’t been shoved to the back of the movie, appear for five seconds and leave so the movie can scratch of ‘representation’ on it’s proverbial audience appealing points card.

And I’m sure if I watched more movies on my watch list, and stuff that’s been recommended to me I will find more! I know they’re out there, but for the Old Guard, it’s a genre I’d actually watch, something that APPEALED to me and was easy to get into because with my ADHD-Autism, it’s hard to get invested at times. So 2 hours was a good starting point.

Especially if I had to take breaks *but I didn’t need to, it was engaging enough for my wandering head*.

Wow this is messy, I stg I meant for this to be cleaner, but, anyway.

The overall thing is that the Old Guard makes me feel things I really do not usually feel watching movies. Sure it’s still a fantasy, sure it’s still got flaws, but wow if it isn’t just..really goddamned nice to connect to something outside of the box.

It’s not perfect, nothing is.

But Old Guard has done various forms of representation RIGHT, it has done extremely valid and important things. And since I’m old enough to remember the NONSENSE when Brokeback Mountain came out and it was called ‘career ending’ for it’s actors..to see this is just..

It’s nice.

And I KNOW that this movie and series is always going to hold a special place in my heart as a result.

A lot of others have made excellent representation posts, and I wasn’t going to publish my jumbled up nonsense thoughts, but feck it.

It’s not coherent really-my thoughts never are, and it’s long and rambling, but hell, so is my brain.

[ardellian]

I’ve been reading a close friend’s study material (because I will throw myself desperately at anything which is not my study material--ehm--moving on) and since I’ve already ranted about this to everyone I know in person I now have to get it out of my system and resort to shouting into the void of the internet. Anyway, everyone interested in like, interaction with other humans in general and with young neurodivirgent people in particular, should check out Bo Hejlskov Elvén, who works with low arousal strategies for conflict management. Unfourtunately, I can’t find a lot of free material in English. Here’s a 50 minute lecture on youtube, though, which is very good.

Self control and challenging behaviour

!!! Trigger warning: Between 38:30 and 41:30 he talks about the dangers of restraints and the unacceptably high risk of fatalities. It’s very upsetting and especially so in the light of police brutality and recent events. !!!

First off, he starts the lecture by saying this:

We’re going to talk about autism--I’m not going to say people with autism or autistic people, I’m going to say people. Is that okay? Yeah? Because to me it doesn’t matter so much if it’s dementia, or just being angry, or autism--it’s the same behaviour and we need to manage it in the same way.

Which to me is just fundamental if you ever want to do something good for people and not just patologizie them.

Some highlights and thoughts under the cut.

Conflicts

I actually think a lot of challening behaviour and maybe even conflicts is just about problem solving. Has any of you ever been in a conflict? How many has been in a conflict?

[Audience laughs and agrees]

When you think back on that, isn’t like this--that you actually just did your best, didn’t you? It was the other guy who was an idiot.

[Audience laughs]

Often it’s just like that. I have a problem, and I solve it. My solution might become a problem for somebody else, right? And he needs to fix that. And then that solution might become my problem.

[...]

Because often what we consider problematic behaviour, might actually be a good solution. And he might consider our behaviour a little problematic as well.

If I could have gotten this into the heads of some people I used to know, then... Sigh. Anyway, this whole approach to understanding human interaction is based on the idea that people do the best they can in any given situation. And if you understand that, you can actually help them do better instead of making the situation even harder for them.

Self control

Some of us have a lower line [for when we lose self-control] -- we call it affect regulation. Some of us have a worse affect regulation. That means that when we get into difficult situations, we cannot just say, oh, it will work out. We will actually say; this will not work out. In a little while, I will hit my head on the floor, I may even poop my pants--I don’t want to do that; I need to have strategies. And then we do some quite amazing things.

Example: A little while ago, I asked you to stand like this [he does a funny dance]--you did that very nicely, thank you. Then I asked you to take off all your clothes--and then you thought: I might not be able to control that situation. Am I right? I don’t think I can figure out what will happen if I take off all my clothes; I might lose control. I don’t want to lose control.

And then you did something. You acted.

And what you actually did was amazing. What you actually did was that you refused, and then you laughed me right up in the face.

What do you think about behaviour like this? Is that okay?

Of course it is.

He brings up the strategies refusal, lying, violence, running away, threats, self harm, and name calling. He highlights how all of these strategies are actually perfectly rational and almost always solve exactly the problem that people are dealing with.

Affect contagion

Have you ever talked to someone who was depressed? Did you get a little funny feeling? Have you ever been sitting opposite from someone yawing? That’s contagious as well, isn’t it? It’s contagious, and using something we call mirror neurons or mirror neuron systems. [...] This is something everybody in the whole world can do. People with autism can do it, people without autism can do it. Everybody can do it, and we can do it from the day that we are born, actually.

Affect contagion is the whole idea behind the low arousal approach--the higher your affect gets; the closer you are to losing self-control; the more likely you are to resort to behaviours that might cause problems for others, which might even be the cause of the situation to begin with. Thus to solve any tense situation, bringing the affect level up is never a good strategy.

I get angry; you get angry; I get angry; you get angry; and on until someone gets seriously hurt.

When they did the same study [looking at brain activation when thinking about oneself vs Queen Elizabeth] with people with Asperger’s syndrome, [...], actually these people were using the Queen Elizabeth part of the brain when they were thinking about themselves as well. And that means it’s a little bit difficult to figure out--am I me, or am I you? So I need to think about it, to make it work.

That’s difficult for me to understand, I admit that. But I’m seeing it on my grandchildren, when they are below two-years of age; they can’t do it either. I can’t say me, or you, to a one and a half year old--I have to say grandpa. Don’t I? Because otherwise they won’t understand. And people with dementia; it’s the same thing. I can’t say me and you, I have to use names. And a lot of people we normally call autistic, they have this problem. A lot of young people, when they’re really stressed, they have the same problem. Have you ever seen two people fighting, and when you asked them what happened, they don’t know who started? Because they mix things up.

And with that, of course low arousal approaches become especially important. Controlling your affect when someone else is angry is damn difficult for everyone.

I keep thinking about this when it comes to online communication. In a face-to-face interaction, as stressful situation is contained in time very effectively. Online; on social media with its lack of any kind of temporal context, it just isn’t. It’s so easy to read a tweet that was posted a month ago and get affected by the anger from the past in your present. And then you are more likely to deal with it by venting, and suddenly there is no after. Online, we live in constant outrage. Constant high affect.

Mmm, okay first hit on google regarding affect contagion and social media is this:

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/facebook-emotions-are-contagious/

The findings suggest that emotional contagion can occur in an online social network, even without face-to-face interaction between two people. "We show that simply failing to 'overhear' a friend’s emotional expression via Facebook is enough to buffer one from its effects," the authors wrote.

I mean, I don’t know what I’m talking about here. And I don’t want to imply that I think social media is bad, because in general I really don’t, I just want to understand what it does to me so that I can deal with it constructively.

Also--I find this funny:

Interestingly, the findings also challenge the idea that seeing the positive posts of others may have a negative impact on people by making them compare themselves against their friends. Instead, the researchers found that seeing positive posts in their feed prompted people to make more positive posts themselves.

Of course seeing that my friends are happy makes me happy.

And finally--

Restraints (TW police brutality)

Even when they restrain children, people think that they’re doing the best--and I think it’s just plain stupid. I’m sorry. Because it’s very, very dangerous. We have more than 150 documented restraint related deaths among children in the last 25 years--850 among adults. 80% of those had autism. 80%--why?

There was a policeman, he said: Uhh, but we do not decide how much force we need to use, it’s the person who does it. I said: How?

We continue until he gives in.

And autism is one of those things where we’re very very bad at giving in, isn’t it?

[screams into a pillow]

If you ever need another argument for why having an institution with a monopoly on violence is a fucking terrible idea--there you go. Everything the police are specially allowed to do (and thus implicitly encouraged to do) that sets them apart from other insitutions is what makes them terrible at their jobs.