#I get that they'll be different from the grocery store ones

[teenagefeeling]

how are name-brand frosted mini wheats 2 entire dollars more expensive than the generic? literally there's no difference between them 😭

[thedialup]

grocery shopping (and shoplifting) tips from a cashier

DON'T BUY NON FOOD ITEMS AT THE GROCERY STORE. THEY JACK THOSE PRICES UP SO HIGH. laundry detergent, cleaning products, medicine, haircare shit- it's all better to get these somewhere else.

only buy the store brands UNLESS there's a sale on name brands that makes it cheaper than the store brand (but this is pretty rare). there's no difference.

most vendor coupons are shit, especially if they're trying to get you to buy more than one item. be really careful using these as a lot of the time they're not a good deal.

ignore the entirety of those drink coolers and snacks at checkout. most of them are overpriced and not worth it.

most store brand canned items and stuff like ramen noodles are super cheap.

FROZEN FOODS ARE SO OVERPRICED. BE VERY CAREFUL.

meat is expensive, and don't waste your money on any sort of organic blah blah whatever meat. it's the exact same shirt

same thing with organic produce, especially if it's something like bananas where you don't actually eat the outside. don't buy pre-packaged produce, it's not worth it for the exact same thing without a package.

check if produce prices are per pound or per item. they vary wildly so make sure to check so you don't get surprised at the register.

do you have self checkout? EVERY PIECE OF PRODUCE IS A BANANA :)))))

small stuff is was easier to steal than large stuff, obviously. don't try to fit a 50 pack of chex mix in your coat. it will not work.

most cashiers dgaf about shoplifting. managers do. stay away from them.

don't waste your money on overpriced expensive "organic natural blah blah blah" food unless you really have to bc of a dietary restriction. most processed food is more expensive and this just makes it even worse.

if the store has a membership card and you don't have one, always ask to use the store card. they'll let you, you just have to ask.

ground meat is cheaper and more versatile than whole cuts of meat. also make sure to look out for managers specials on perishable items like meat because they're trying to get rid of stuff so it'll be marked way down.

that's about all I can think of rn, add on if you have any extra tips

[p0lyn3sian]

Slashers with a chef reader? Maybe they'll teach the slashers how to cook or bake? :)

OMGGG YESSS!!!

Slashers: Carrie, Chucky (Charles) & Tiffany, Sinclair Brothers, Thomas & Bubba, Norman, Billy & Stu, Billy Lenz & Brahms, The lost boys, Jason, and Michael!!!

Teaching slashers how to cook/bake!

Carrie:

Carrie's favorite thing to do is baking! For cooking not a lot actually, because she accidentally burnt the food she was making, almost cutting her fingers off for making the vegetables or meat, and a lot of messes everywhere!

But that's okay! After Carrie tells you why she doesn't love to cook as much as baking, you wanted to try and help her! So, first off you showed her how to cut properly, what temperature for certain food when it's ready, etc!

After a few days or so, she'll be like a cook in no time! She made Chicken Alfredo, Fried Rice, etc.. She's so happy that you taught her how to cook, and whenever you come to her house, she'll have some dishes for you to try! You'll also be giving her recipes that are easy for her to make, until she gets used to all the cooking! She is so grateful for you showing how to cook!!

Chucky (Charles) & Tiffany:

Chucky isn't really a cook or a baker, he just orders food... But for Tiffany she can cook and bake, but she thinks that some of her stuff is mostly bad.. That's why you are there at their house, showing how to cook and bake!

Tiffany is a fast learner doing things after what you do, but for Chucky he's just a slow learner (a really slow one). Tiffany hits Chucky with the wooden spoon on the head, telling him to do it or else.. So he had to, because he does not want to make his wife mad.

After teaching both of them cooking and baking for a few days, they've invited you to come again! They've made so much food, and a lot of sweets too! Tiffany gave you a big hug for helping her and Chucky learn to cook and bake more! Chucky just said thanks, but that's okay! You are so glad that these two wanted your help, and they're glad that you helped them too!

Sinclair brothers (Bo, Vincent, & Lester)

All three of them can't cook or bake.. So you taught them how to, of course! Bo doesn't want to bake, because he thinks it's only for the women so you had to throw a metal cooking spoon at him for that.. Vincent wants to do both and Lester just wants to do what you do!

So the first thing you did was baking! There were a few mistakes here and there for baking, like how Lester accidentally mixed some of the dry ingredients with the wet ingredients. After telling them why you don't mix dry ingredients with the wet ingredients, you guys then started baking different sweets! After baking all those sweets, you then moved into cooking, and again there were mistakes, so you had to teach them again.

After all the cooking and baking, there was a lot of food, and they hadn't been fed this well in a lot of years! They all said thanks and we're really happy that you wanted to help them cook and bake! Luckily while going to the store you remember about jonesy's food, so she ate too!

For the dog, people call the dog 'jonesy', and I think most of them said she's a female dog, unless I'm really wrong about the name and the gender, so please tell me if i made a mistake!

Thomas & Bubba:

These two wanted to learn how to bake, since their family are cooks but not much of bakers, except for Luda Mae! So you went to the grocery store that was a few miles down from their hometown, and got all the baking stuff they needed, even with the cooking since Drayton needed some seasonings and other stuff..

Once you arrive at home, you then start unpacking a lot of foods from the plastic bags! You told Mama (Luda) that you'll be coming back with a lot of stuff, and she was really confused as to why there's more baking instead of cooking ingredients. You then told her it was for Thomas and Bubba, that those two wanted to learn how to bake, and Mama wanted to help too since her boys wanted to learn! (She's so proud of them!!)

You and Mama taught them what to put in certain stuff, dry ingredients with dry ingredients and wet ingredients with wet ingredients, etc! Mama wanted pie for dessert, so you all made 4 big patches of apple pie! Making the pie was really fun with these two and especially funny, Thomas always tilted his head by the way he's confused with the stuff, and for Bubba he always shows you and Mama if he did the stuff right every few seconds or so. After all your hard work, you all sat down and ate drayton's famous roast dinner (ahem definitely not made from human meat 🌚, jkjk you already been eating human meat staying with these people). Then, you all ate the apple pie, and it was so good that Hoyt said who made these, and you answered it was Thomas and Bubba. Hoyt did a surprised face that these two baked the apple pie?? Which laughter then erupted around the table, just laughter and chattering filling the air of the Hewitt's home..

Norman:

Norman wanted to learn baking and cooking, just to help around your shared home! You asked him what he wanted to do first, and he wanted to do cooking first! Teaching him what to do with the cooking, you guys decided to do frying food! There were some hisses and ouches heard from Norman, but nothing too serious since he's getting used to the oil popping everywhere and going onto his skin.

So after all that frying, you guys went onto baking! Baking was really fun and also messy with Norman! You guys decided to make a chocolate cake for dessert after all your hard work! While the chocolate cake is being baked in the oven, you decide to turn up the radio to listen to some tunes. One of those tunes was playing Norman's favorite song, and he held out his hand for you to take, and so you did. Slow dancing to Norman's favorite tune for a little bit, until the cake was done!

Now dinner was set with all the frying foods you've done and the chocolate cake! Everything was beautiful to Norman, even with you he thought it was even more perfect than before! Both of you sat down from across from each other, and luckily you brought wine for this special occasion! And you popped open the cork and started pouring the wind into both your glasses. Just a nice romantic dinner with Norman..!

Billy & Stu:

These two mostly order out, which causes all their money to disappear almost everyday! You then talked to them about cooking and baking! Stu wanted to bake, since he loves sweets and for Billy he just doesn't want to do anything.. So you put Billy as the cook, he complained about it, but you ignored him for that.

Stu checked if all the stuff was measured correctly and ready to be mixed, and surprisingly everything he did was correct! He wanted to make brownies, and for Billy he needed lots of help from you! You then asked him what he would want for dinner tonight, and he looked through the recipe book that you bought, and pointed at Alfredo. You then told him to get out what the recipe book says and do it, and he got everything out. You then helped him with the cooking too, so that he doesn't burn down the Alfredo.

After everything was ready, Billy & Stu were ready to eat! You all sat down and started eating, Billy's Alfredo tasted really good which brought Stu almost eating the whole pot! And that's okay, you and Billy were full anyways, and after that Stu took out the brownies from the oven and gathered plates and cups for the milk. Stu then gave you and Billy brownies and a cup full of milk, and then started eating! Stu decided to make jokes and just laughter filling the air..

Billy Lenz & Brahms:

(decided to put these two together, since they're like a couple, attic rat and wall rat, wait whattt who said that??)

These two are like the biggest babies, whining for you to make food and sweets for them. You didn't have the energy to deal with all their baby attitudes, and grabbed both of them by the hands and dragged them downstairs to the kitchen. You then told them that they had to learn how to cook or bake.. Both of them looked at you and then at each other, and shook their heads telling you that they don't want to.. You forced them to.

They kinda hate for you to force both of them to help you with the cooking and baking. You had to pick baking, because it was kinda the easier one to do for both of them. You got the ingredients to make sour dough bread, and told them which ingredients need to be together or not together. Once those two were done, brahms put the sour dough bread into the oven.

Then those two wanted to cuddle right now, but you told them they had to wait until the bread is done. Then, the bread was done, it smelled heavenly for Billy and Brahms, and then you got the bread knife and started slicing the bread! (You didn't trust those two since they probably do something stupid with the bread knife 💀.) You gave each of them four slices of the sour dough bread, you walked to your chair and sat down and noticed that Billy and Brahms ate the four of their slices in just 5 seconds. They then dragged you upstairs after you ate your pieces of bread, just to cuddle with them..

The Lost Boys (David, Dwayne, Paul, & Marko):

You came up to your vampires and asked all of them if they wanted to learn cooking and/or baking! All of them chose baking since they really loved sweets, and they all wanted to try and make Twinkies! Luckily they had a box of Twinkies in their cave, and you grabbed the box from their secret hiding spot and looked at what you need for the ingredients.

Since they don't have a kitchen in their cave, you invited them to your house, but under one condition is that they all don't make a huge mess.. You all then arrived at your house and you gave all of your boys jobs just to make Twinkies. Paul and Dwayne are going to mix the ingredients and David and Marko are going to mold it into a Twinkie! (Or whichever shape they want!)

After making the Twinkies, you all then went to your couch and turned on a movie to watch as time passed by for the Twinkies to be done in the oven. Eventually it was done, and you then grabbed the pan from the oven using your kitchen glove and placed it onto the stove. You started counting how much there is for everyone and started splitting it up fairly. These vampires loved how it turned out, kinda crispy and warm after it was out of the oven! You all then bring your Twinkies and go over the couch and sit, you then unpaused the movie you all have been watching. Just snuggles and cuddles from your boys while watching a movie..

I literally don't know how to make Twinkies, so this was probably not really accurate at all..!

Jason Voorhees:

Jason asked you about teaching him about cooking and baking because he feels bad for you doing all the cooking! You were so glad he wanted you to teach him how to cook and bake, you then asked him what he wanted to cook and bake! Jason wanted to cook spaghetti with meatballs, and for dessert strawberry pie, because it reminds him of his mother's baking!

Luckily you two had enough ingredients to make spaghetti and strawberry pie! Jason wanted to do baking first, because his mother tells him that it takes longer than cooked foods! So you and Jason then worked on making strawberry pie, mixing in ingredients and you then put the pie into the oven. You and Jason then worked on making spaghetti with meatballs!

While the spaghetti and meatballs are cooking, the pie was done! Jason grabbed it out of the oven and placed it on top of the dish cloth, to let it cool down a little. Now the food was done, so you grabbed bowls and plates with forks and set them on the table, and Jason grabbed the food and the pie. You had some strawberries that were in the fridge and placed them on the pie, and sat down with Jason. Jason then took off his mask, and smiled at you, happy that he made food with you!

Michael:

You had to make Michael look at how you cook, baking is off the list because you have a feeling that he'll be eating the whole bag of sugar.. Michael didn't want to watch how you cook, he wanted to go out there and kill his victims! You told Michael that he'll have to learn to cook, because some days at your job they'll probably want you to work overtime. So, you decided to make the easiest one for him. Which is hotdogs..

You grabbed the pot from underneath the cupboards and poured in water from the sink and placed it on top of the boiling stove. You then grabbed sausages out of your fridge and plopped 6 sausages. You then explained to him that it'll only take about 4 to 6 minutes, since you already turned on the stove to the boiling point.

After the sausages were done, you then asked Michael to get the bread that was in the storage and put it on the table. And so he did, you then walked to the table and placed a dish cloth on the table, just to not burn the table. Since Michael is a picky eater, you got ketchup for him and other sauces that you like to put on your hotdogs. You then told him to grab a fork and stab at the sausage and place it on the bread. He did what you said, and you then told him to drizzle the ketchup in a straight line or in a squiggly line, and he drizzled into a squiggly line and he took off his mask and ate the hotdog. You then did the same to your hotdog and bit into it too, you asked Michael if he wanted to do this again. Michael didn't move a little, until he looked at you and nodded his head..!

[hedonists-den]

I stroll through the grocery store, cart loaded with assorted junk food. And not one of those half carts either. A full-sized cart full of fresh baked pastries, boxes of snack cakes, frozen pizzas, massive sub sandwiches, bags of chips and candy, various pints of ice cream, cases of full-sugar soda, just an obscene amount of unhealthy garbage.

By now, the employees know me by name with how often I'm there to indulge your cravings. I bring my haul over to a checkout aisle and start unloading, but I figure one more candy bar wouldn't hurt, and I add it to the pile. The checker begins the extensive process of scanning all the items, and I can see the look on their face.

None of them are really shocked anymore. When they see me, they know they'll be scanning pounds and pounds of junk food. And judging by the size difference between you and me when they last saw you, I think they know where it's going. You're not with me this time, of course. You've gotten too lazy and too heavy to be waddling around the grocery store anymore, especially when you can trust me to fetch everything your greedy heart desires.

Getting it all inside is a full task in and of itself. I practically get a full arm workout hauling all the bags from my car, through the door, and to the kitchen. You know I'm not one for taking multiple trips, but with the amount you go through, I'll have to go back at least once.

When I walk in, you're right where I left you: feet up on the ottoman, laid back on the couch that is undoubtedly straining to hold your weight. The groceries are heavy, but I just can't help but pause and marvel at what a sight you are. Rolls covering your body from top to bottom, legs forced apart from the sheer girth of your thighs, your blubbery mound of a belly spilling onto your lap from under a t-shirt turned tank top, fattened tits resting on top of your gut, pillowy arms and pudgy hands tilting a fast food milkshake cup back to get every single drop. A living definition of unrestrained hedonism.

You glance over at me, continuing to suck down the entirety of your indulgent treat. I have to wonder if you're putting on this little show just for me, or if you really have become that gluttonous. Probably both, if we're being fair.

"Looks like you didn't wait for me to get back," I say, walking to the kitchen to set your goodies down. "How much did you struggle to get to the front door and back for that delivery, hm?"

I hear a soft groan from you and the echo of an empty cup set on the side table. "I moved myself just fine!" Your heavy panting suggests otherwise, but I let it slide. After all, it could just be that you didn't stop to breathe until you consumed the entire shake. "You get everything?"

"Everything and more. I doubled up on some things, knowing how you've been lately."

"Oh my godddd, I need one of those sandwiches. I'm starving..." There was a time when you would rush into the kitchen to look through everything I brought back, but the last few times- "Could you bring it to me...?" you ask. Right on cue.

"My pleasure, princess," I say with a grin. I pull out one of the footlong subs and unwrap it for you, taking the liberty of slathering on some extra mayo for good measure. The moment I step into the living room, I can see your excitement as you lift your arms and lean forward ever so slightly, a wide grin on your face.

"Thank you thank you!"

I turn to leave, but I watch you take that first bite out of the corner of my eye. And then that little moan of delight that sparks the urgency in your feasting. I can hear you stuffing your face as I head back towards the garage and gather the rest of the groceries. You'll almost assuredly be at least halfway done by the time I get back inside and set everything down.

And you never disappoint. I step back in and see you pushing the last bite of a sandwich half through your lips before licking your fingers. The way you've been gorging yourself is nothing short of breathtaking. It really is no wonder that you've managed to gain hundreds of pounds.

"Your shirt is looking a little small," I call from the kitchen.

"You like how it fits?" You respond with a full mouth. "I just can't pull it past my upper belly anymore..."

"To be fair, not much does fit you anymore. I can't even tell if you're wearing underwear most days," I chuckle.

"Think I'm wearing any right now?"

I can practically hear the sultry smile on your face as you ask. "I think you want to see me struggle with all your rolls to check. But I don't think you've eaten enough to earn it."

"Well, you better bring those cookies and make a proper hog out of me, then."

With an invitation like that, the rest of the groceries can wait. I dig through the bags for all 4 boxes of soft, chewy cookies, bringing them in and setting them beside you.

"A proper hog? Like I haven't done that to you already..." I tease, taking your belly flab in in one hand and squeezing it gently. "Look at all this. All this heavy, moldable fat..."

I lift your gut and drop it on your thighs, a dense slap resonating through your whole body. The sound, the ripples that shake every inch of you, it's mesmerizing. I continue handling your corpulence with increasing roughness, gripping all your rolls and jiggling them, slapping your love handles, and sinking my hands into your hips.

"I've gotten so huge...I can't help that it feels so good..." You moan, laying your head back.

I pop open the first container of cookies and situate myself in front of you. Your belly makes such a nice table to hold the container while I lean into it. "Open up. Let me make you even bigger."

You part your lips, letting me push nearly half the cookie in. I get more aggressive with each bite you take, encouraging you to take more and more, over, and over, and over.

"Come on, piggy. Keep it up. You want to be a good pet, don't you? Eat..."

One by one, the cookies disappear, and I get to hear that beautiful, overfed panting of yours again. You huff and puff, finally able to catch your breath from the relentless feeding. Everything about your current state just encourages me, igniting a need to see you helplessly engorged.

I slowly but firmly caress your poor, sweets-stuffed tummy. "Well now look at you. All stuffed with sweets. You know we're going to need to offset that with something savory and greasy. Settle in."

"Okay..." you say, your chest heaving up and down as you place your hands on the sides of your belly.

I start scrolling through DoorDash, tending to you while I look for your next meal. It's only early afternoon, after all. And gluttonous house pets like you need to keep fed all day long.

[cjlouwho]

👉👈 For the prompts, maybe something along a similar vein to Financially Irresponsible Tommy? Like, maybe Tommy refuses to write down a grocery list and just goes to the store and buys whatever he feels like, driving Buck insane?

A little off, because (technically) he did write a list 😂 enjoy!

“You bought six jars of spaghetti sauce?” Buck asked, staring at the pile of groceries laid out on the kitchen island.

Tommy smiled, very proud of himself. “They were buy one get one free.”

“Right. And you got six, because?”

“Because the guy restocking the shelves said the sale would end today. I don't know when they'll go back on sale, and you're always looking at the flyers that come in the mail to see the deals.�� He picked up one of the jars. “This was a deal.”

Buck nodded. “I do love a good deal. It- It just seems like when you buy so many at once, it kind of adds up anyway. Plus, I've always made homemade sauce.”

Tommy began unloading the final bag. “I know you do, and it takes forever. This is going to save so much time, Evan.”

“You make a compelling argument.”

Buck continued looking everything over. Three cans of green beans, a family size bag of cinnamon cereal, baking chocolate, three different kinds of flour, two half gallons of milk, one very small can of beanie weenies, taco seasoning, and two 24 count cases of green, and only green, gatorade.

There was plenty more mixed in, but there was one glaring thing missing.

“Hey, Babe?”

Tommy turned from where he was standing at the pantry, putting away the six pack of canned split pea soup. “Mhm?”

“You didn't buy any pasta.”

“Why would I get pasta?” Tommy asked.

Buck closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “For the six jars of spaghetti sauce you bought.”

“You're not even eating pasta right now, Evan.”

Another deep breath. He should really start going to yoga. “Ignoring the fact you can get low carb pasta, why did you buy six jars of sauce if we're not eating pasta?”

“For when we do eat pasta,” Tommy replied as though it should be obvious.

Buck pushed himself away from the counter, walking closer to Tommy. “Tommy, Honey,” he started, bringing his hands to Tommy's face, “I love you, I really do, but this might be how I die for a second time.”

Tommy eyebrows furrowed. He wrapped his hands around Buck's wrists and pulled them back far enough to speak. “What are you talking about?”

“This,” he said, nodding back toward the groceries, “makes no sense to my brain. Have you ever made a grocery list before?”

“I had a grocery list!” he defended, letting go of Buck's wrists to pull the list from his back pocket. He handed it to Buck, who looked even more dismayed as he read it over.

“I think I'm gonna have an aneurysm.”

Tommy rolled his eyes playfully, heading back to the island to grab more groceries. “You're being very dramatic. I got everything on that list.”

“The list consists of five items!” Buck exclaimed. “Three of which are ineligible!”

Tommy came and stood behind Buck, peering over his shoulder. “Which three?”

As Buck pointed, Tommy began to read them off one by one.

“Chickpeas.”

“Why do we need chickpeas?”

“In case I want hummus.”

“You know it takes more than chickpeas to make hummus, right?”

Tommy glanced over at him. “I do now.”

Buck sighed. “What's this one?” he asked, pointing to the second item.

“Onion powder.”

“Okay, but we already have onion powder here.”

“And now we won't run out for a really long time.”

Moving on, Buck pointed to the last item.

“Meat.”

That's when Buck turned, pressing the list against Tommy's chest for him to take. “You didn't get any meat, Tommy!”

“Yes I did!” Tommy reached over and picked up an item, holding it out for Buck to see. “I got canned ham.”

“Canned ha- Tommy, my head is gonna explode,” Buck replied, pressing his fingers against his temple.

Tommy simply smiled at him, leaning in and giving him a peck on the lips. “You're so cute.”

“You're never going shopping again,” Buck decided. “Ever. I- I'll take over grocery shopping full time.”

“Evan, I go grocery shopping to decompress. You can't take that from me.”

“Your decompression is gonna be the reason I start taking blood pressure medication.”

Tommy placed the can of ham back on the counter and moved closer to Buck, wrapping his arms around his waist. “What if we go together next time?” he asked. As Buck's arms drifted over his shoulders, Tommy began swaying them gently back and forth as though they were dancing along to music. “I can show you my method firsthand, so you understand it better.”

Buck thought it over for a few seconds. “Can I bring an AED with us in case you need to restart my heart?”

Tommy nodded. “We could even pick up Jee on the way, for emotional support.”

“I don't know if I could subject her to this.”

“Christopher then?”

“Yeah,” Buck agreed. “Yeah, that'd be good.”

Tommy kissed him again, Buck sighing into it. One thing Tommy's kisses could always do is melt Buck's tension away, even if he was the one causing it.

“Why don't you go relax?” Tommy suggested once they parted. “I'll finish putting everything away and start dinner.”

“Okay,” Buck agreed. “What are you gonna make?”

Tommy looked around at all the random things he'd purchased. “How does canned ham with chickpeas and gatorade sound?”

Buck pursed his lips together. “Yeah, I'm gonna order food,” he replied, giving Tommy a pat on the ass before walking away.

[withahappyrefrain]

⭐ 60 Fun Meet Cutes ⭐

1) A and B’s coffee orders are identical. Confusion (and promised calls) occur.

2) A always steals B’s parking spot and normally they wouldn't say anything but not today asshole!

3) A and B are seated next to each other at the singles table for a wedding.

4) B owns a bookshop and A really needs this book because their book club meeting is in two days.

5) A is a doctor/nurse treating B for an injury, but B won't stop flirting.

6) A pretends to be B’s significant other because they can tell that creep is bothering B.

7) They meet at the dog park and their dogs won't stop playing with one another.

8) They meet at the dog park and B’s dog won't stop following A’s!

9) They're both at a party and notice the other is sitting alone on the couch so we join.

10) They get volun-told to do a karaoke duet by their respective friend groups.

12) A and B’s families have been trying to set them up for years. They meet by accident.

13) A runs a stand at the local farmers market that B loves (the owner being cute and sweet is a major plus too).

14) They grab the same book at the library.

15) “You have the wrong number, but stay on!”

16) A and B have been set up on a blind date together. Neither one of them expect it to go well, given their mutual friend's track record.

17) A and B both want the last pack of cigarettes. It's not even for themselves, but they'll certainly argue about it.

18) "Hi, I'm pretty sure I saw you on a dating app and while I swiped right, you did not and wow you're beautiful in person."

19) A’s a tour guide for B, who is currently supervising a field trip of twenty seven-year olds.

20) A is B’s least favorite author but they don't realize until halfway through their rant.

21) "Hey, my friend is into your friend. But they're too scared to make a move, can you help me get them together?"

22) They're at the grocery store and A can't reach the item on the top shelf, so B helps them.

23) “Hey, so I helped your grandparent cross the street and they insisted that I meet you, their grandchild.”

24) It's their high school reunion and A is like eighty percent sure B was their lab partner, unfortunately B has no idea what they're talking about.

25) A’s friends insisted on going to a strip club for a bachelor/bachelorette party and A is really enjoying their time talking to B, the hostess.

26) An unexpected torrential downpour happens and they end up taking shelter at the same place.

27) “I'm your neighbor and I swear to God, if you don't turn that music down-"

28) They’re both PhD students and their dissertations contradict each other's and boy, are they going to have some intense eye contact about it.

29) B is A’s child's new teacher and their kid won't stop mentioning that their parent is single.

30 “I'm so sorry, but my friends won't stop bothering me until I get someone's number tonight, it doesn't have to be your real one, I'm just so tired of their shenanigans.”

31) A is the hot firefighter who visits B’s classroom to talk about safety.

32) A and B are paired up for a roller coaster and one of them needs to hold the other's hand to get through the ride.

33) “Look, your date may not want to dance with you, but I certainly will!”

34) They're both celebrities and their fans ship them so A and B do an interview together for their respective press tours.

35) They're both on the bus and A is reading the book B’s been wanting so badly and they gotta know if it's good or not because the waitlist at the library is ridiculous.

36) They're at an art museum and have wildly different interpretations of the same portrait.

37) It's been arranged by their families for A and B to marry as a peace treaty. When they meet for the first time, they bond over their families fighting

38) "Do you mind if I sit here? There are no other seats available."

39) A doesn’t know why their friend's girlfriend invited them to their coworker's nephew's bar mitzvah but they have a stain from the chocolate fountain and B is an angel with their Tide to go stick.

40) “If you don't fix your collar/tie/hat, I will do it myself!”

41) “The food in your grocery store cart looks so good, what are you making?"

42) A sees B at the Renaissance Fair and is determined to give B a rose.

43) They're both at the eye doctor and can't figure out which glasses to buy.

44) They end up sitting next to each other in a movie theater during a horror movie, and cling to each other for moral support

45) A owns a flower shop and B just needs the courage to go inside and say hello.

46) B’s dog somehow got out and A find it. Yes, it's late at night but from B’s voice over the phone, A knows they need to return this dog STAT.

47) A has always signed up to bring the dessert for their work's potluck. Who does B think they are taking their slot?

48) A’s friends signed them up for a dating app and set them up on a date with B without A’s knowledge.

49) B’s running an adoption event and A doesn’t even like animals but my God, is B so damn cute with them.

50) They're spies who have to pretend to be a couple for an assignment.

51) They’re professors who teach the same course but disagree over teaching methods.

52) A is B’s friend's asshole boss and B is just trying to drop off C’s lunch without strangling A.

53) A’s a witch who run a shop. B barges in, asking about the best curse to give someone (without killing them of course).

54) A is a hairdresser at a fancy salon and B shouldn't be spending $150 on a haircut but they need to talk to A.

55) A is a personal trainer and B is their client and A knows they need to keep it professional but it's really hard!

56) A is the photographer and B’s the caterer for the worst wedding ever.

57) It's the county Fair and A has lost their niece/nephew, so they ask B for help.

58) A is having a horrendous case of writer’s block, B works at the cafe A has been staying in for the past few days and is very concerned.

59) Hades and Persephone AU bc why not

60) A is a tattoo artist and it's B's first time getting a tattoo.

[rxmqnova]

So i was thinking about, Wanda and Yn are friends, and Yn is in love with her but always putting her feelings on a side.

Wanda went to the supermarket and came back a bit upset because they couldn't find i don't know, her favourite chips or cookies, and while everyone said that next time they will have it, Yn without everyone noticed went to other places looking for it, until she found it and came back with a bag full of those. So she asked where she was and everyone was with a amused smile and telling her she was in her room. Yn went in there, and told Wanda that she has a surprise and give her the bag, she cried a bit, and you know they said their feelings to each other in a cute way hahaha.

And you can write like, two weeks later, when they are cuddling in the sofa and someone came with a box for Wanda and It was the chips or cookies, that Yn order because she didn't want to see Wanda upset for not having it and Wanda was shocked and look at her while Yn was with a grin on her face, so Wanda hugged her a gave her a kiss.

Cookies

NO ONE'S POV Carrying a bag full of groceries, Wanda lets out a sigh. It was her turn to go grocery shopping this week and as always, she was excited to buy her favorite cookies.

She wouldn't be upset if they were any other cookies, but those are exactly the ones her and her twin brother Pietro loved when they were children. Ever since the tragic accident that caused Pietro's death, she's been always buying a box of those cookies whenever she went to the store as it reminds her of him.

All of the Avengers are currently sitting at the dining table, sharing a look when they notice Wanda's odd behavior. The witch has usually smile on her face, but now there's no smile.

"Wands? Are you okay?" Y/N questions, breaking the silence that's been filling the room.

Getting no response Y/N stands up and walks over to Wanda, helping her with the groceries.

"What happened?" Y/N asks once again.

"They didn't have cookies, the ones I always buy" Wanda sighs.

"Oh god, is this what's this all about? You'll just buy them next time" Tony rolls his eyes, making Y/N feel bad for Wanda. She knows how much those simple cookies mean to her.

"They'll surely have them next time" Natasha says with a soft smile, only to receive a hum from the witch in response.

Once the groceries out of the bag and on the right places, Wanda disappears to her room while Y/N joins the rest of the team at the table again, though her mind can't stop thinking about how to make Wanda happier.

Y/N hates to see Wanda sad, she'd do anything to make her feel better. She's been in love with her for as long she can remember, but she still hasn't said Wanda anything, worried it might ruin their friendship.

It doesn't take long until Y/N sneaks out of the kitchen and walks into the garage. She gets into her car and drives to a store, a different one Wanda went to, with hope to find Wanda's cookies.

———

A smile is playing on Y/N's lips as she's walking to the living room where are the others' voices heard, carrying a bag full of wanted cookies. She took every single box that was in the store.

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion when she scans the room and doesn't see Wanda anywhere.

"Guys? Have you seen Wanda?" Y/N questions, all eyes suddenly on her.

"I think she's still in her room. But what's that?" Natasha asks with a smirk, knowing well about the crush Y/N has on the witch.

I mean… all of the Avengers know the two like each other, it's just so obvious. They find it amusing to see how Y/N's cheeks always heat up when Wanda tells her something nice. Or how Wanda's trying to find any opportunity to just give Y/N a hug or tuck a strand of hair behind Y/N's ear.

"Nothing, just some cookies for Wanda" Y/N explains, quickly turning around and disappearing to avoid a potential teasing.

The others let out quiet laughs, watching with amused smiles as Y/N rushes out.

"Wands?" Y/N calls, knocking at the door of Wanda's room which opens a few seconds later. "Hi, I-I have something for you. Can I come in?" She smiles, receiving a nod from the witch as she stands aside and lets Y/N in.

Wanda sits on her bed, curiously watching her friend and wondering what's in the bag Y/N's holding.

"I. Hm. I just don't like seeing you sad, so… I-I got you this" Y/N hands Wanda the bag, her cheeks turning red as she's watching Wanda peek inside.

"Y/N, I… you went to the store to buy me cookies?" Wanda questions, now looking at Y/N who nods, her cheeks red while she's avoiding any possible eye-contact with the witch.

"I know how much they mean to you, so I thought that if I buy you some it would make you feel better" Y/N mumbles out, playing with her fingers and still avoiding eye-contact.

"Y/N/N" Wanda whispers, her eyes filled with tears from the nice gesture. She stands up, pulling Y/N in for a tight hug. "Thank you" She smiles warmly, wiping her tears away.

"That was nothing" Y/N blushes hard, turning her face away which doesn't go unnoticed by Wanda as she lets out a chuckle.

"It wasn't nothing, Y/N. No one has ever done anything like this for me. So I'm asking why?" Wanda asks, a smile playing on her lips as she's looking Y/N in the eyes.

"… Because I like you" Y/N mumbles out, her gaze fixed on the ground in case Wanda wouldn't feel the same.

Wanda's smile widens, she lifts Y/N's head up with her fingers to look her in the eyes before speaking again.

"I like you too, Y/N/N, so much" Wanda confesses. "I should have told you earlier, but I wasn't sure if you feel the same"

"Really? I… so if I asked you out on a date… would you say yes?" Y/N asks, a little surprised by the fact Wanda really likes her back.

"Well, ask me and you'll see" Wanda teases, receiving a playful roll of eyes from Y/N.

"Will you go on a date with me?" Y/N questions with a smile, receiving a smile back.

"Yes, of course. I will be happy to"

———————————

Two weeks later…

The cookies Y/N bought for Wanda two weeks ago are now all gone. Wanda gave a few boxes to the other Avengers and the rest she ate with Y/N.

And Y/N being the good girlfriend she is, she noticed, so she has a little surprise for Wanda.

The pair is currently cuddled up on the couch, watching a movie together when they get interrupted by the doorbell.

"I'll get it" Wanda sighs, sitting up and leaving the living room. Y/N's quick to follow with a smile on her face, knowing who only just rang the doorbell.

When she arrives to the the front door, Wanda's already holding a box of her favorite cookies and thanking the guy that brough it.

Wanda's absolutely confused and shocked, but it's all clear to her when she turns around and finds her girlfriend watching her with a huge smile on her face which brings a grin to Wanda's face.

"Thank you" Wanda says, wrapping arms around Y/N and pulling her in for a tight hug.

"No problem, I'll make sure you never run out. You have a personal stocker now" Y/N teases, making Wanda let out a laugh.

"You're such an idiot sometimes… my idiot" Wanda smiles, connecting her lips with Y/N's for a loving kiss.

It took them long enough to finally confess their feelings for each other, but it was definitely worth the wait.

-------------------------

I'm single as a pringle, but HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE!! <33

Wanda Maximoff masterlist

Masterlist

[littleplantfreak]

Grocery Shopping Headcanons 1

I said I'd do these a while back and someone requested I do them when I was taking requests for my 100 followers event so uwu)/ one request fulfilled!! There will be a part two with the others coming eventually...Once I get through the rest of my requests.

____________

Umemiya Hajime

-One of the funnest people to go grocery shopping with tbh.

He's talking you into buying a few extra snacks/food by holding them up in front of you and puppeting them at you, asking in a silly high pitched voice if you'll please buy them because they've heard your pantry is the best vacation spot in town! He gets so silly with it.

-The older people in town tell him when and where the best sales are, which makes budgeting a lot easier. Don't tell anyone, but sometimes if one of them is in front of you in line, they'll have the cashier use their senior discount for your stuff as well. Don't try to fight them on it, though; they'll insist the only thing they need is for you both to visit them every once in a while, which you planned to do regardless.

-Gets upset if he hasn't found you in the store for a while after leaving to pick some things up. Once he does see you, he acts like it's been weeks and refuses to leave your side for the rest of the shopping trip. He's quite literally stuck to you like glue.

-The type to have really funky or cute looking reusable bags.

Choji Tomiyama

-Can't stay on task to save his life. If you're pushing the cart, he will stand on the other side of it being pushed around. He insists he'll take turns, but he gets a bit too enthusiastic with how fast he should be going through the aisles. Nearly runs a few people over before you decide maybe just pushing it normally works best.

-Do not let him disappear on you; he'll end up at some other grocery store two miles down the street.

-Sometimes he knows your tastes better than you do. If you're deliberating over trying something new, 9/10 times he's correct about how you'll like it. He actually pays a lot of attention to what you like to eat and drink.

-Calls Togame and not only asks him what he wants from the store, but tells him to come down by the time you guys are done to help carry your stuff. He hasn't said no to Choji yet.

-He's feeding you both all the samples he can find until you realize you snacked so much you're not even hungry for dinner anymore.

Suo Hayato

-He's pretty relaxed compared to the other two. He'll let you take the reins for the most part since he's got all the stuff written down and knows each aisle it's in. He doesn't often stray from his normal foods so it's almost muscle memory now.

-When he does try something new, it's weird stuff. Like you didn't know this was in the store weird, what aisle does that even go in? You look around to see, and find nothing. He either took the last one or he was in the forbidden part of the grocery store.

-Sometimes, if he knows you're getting a lot, he brings the collapsible grocery wagon. (don't even play with me, this is the hottest thing someone could do for grocery shopping.)

-Watch out if you lose sight of him or he goes to grab something without you, because he WILL jumpscare you and you WILL have to try to smother your yelp.

Nirei Akihiko

-Extreme couponing Nirei edition tbh he's got it down to a science

-Knows a surprising amount of recipes by heart, so if you're trying hard to remember what you need for what you wanna make? Don't even get out your phone to struggle with finding enough bars (because for some reason grocery stores are iron fortresses that don't have cell service?) Nirei has it all up there in his beautiful brain.

-He's never in a rush and doesn't really separate from you (why would he want to?) He's just thrilled to spend time with you.

-Also one to have a bunch of different reusable bags.

-If you have a certain diet or need a certain ingredient, he knows all the specialty food stores around and is more than okay with making the extra stop with you.

-He has a certain type and brand of ice cream he likes to get as a treat every time, and although he tells you he doesn't need it, if they happen to be out of stock, he deflates a little.

Sakura Haruka

-You wouldn't think someone could be bad at grocery shopping, but....he's bad at it. An excess of meats and carbs is what comes home if you send him by himself, so it's best just to go together.

-Also you could swear he's giving a nasty look to the vegetable section hoping you don't pick any terrible ones up (though what's terrible to him is most of them)

-You catch him trying to hide if he sees someone he knows because to him, it'll just make it a longer grocery trip, and honestly, he just wants to go home with you. Point out who he's hiding from and say hi and watch the look of betrayal as he's turning red and grumbling.

-It takes him a bit, but after a few trips he starts to get the hang of things. He can tell the better meat cuts, and now knows to check the eggs to make sure they're not cracked. Sometimes, he texts you a picture of the vegetables you're looking for to make sure they're the right ones or to make sure they're your preferred ripeness if you're not there

The self checkout becomes his best friend, that way he doesn't have to worry about making small talk. He's screwed when he picks up meats, though, because the scale never picks up the weight properly, and then he's sweating waiting for one of the workers to come help him out.

-Refuses to let you carry the bags in, and is also one of those people who insist on loading up all the groceries on his arms at once. There will be no second trips to the car.

[seat-safety-switch]

Have you ever thought about how weird it is that you can buy pineapples at the grocery store? Someone pulled this shit off a tree tens of thousands of kilometers away, and then sent it to me. If I don't buy it, they'll just throw it in the trash.

Global trade is a really remarkable invention of our species. My neighbour's Hyundai was born in South Korea, shipped here on a boat, and will never see its mother or most of its siblings again. Even so, it was only slightly more expensive than a locally-made Ford. Sorry, did I say "locally-made?" That was also made in a different country and shipped here under duress. We don't even notice such a miracle unless we check the registration.

My Volare was sent here from The America, a country which has been going through some rough times lately. I figured that maybe it would want to go back and see Missouri, its land of creation, at least once. That Hyundai would never get the opportunity: who would bundle an Elantra into a steamer ship? Driving there, though, was basically feasible. Well, feasible for anyone who wasn't operating a badly-maintained, 47-year-old example of one of Mopar's shittiest cars.

You guessed it: I broke down at the end of my block. There is good news, though. A couple months ago, I found a bicycle clogging the sewage drain near my office, and I was able to bang it mostly straight with a hammer. Ever since then, I've been throwing it in the trunk, and using it to ride home whenever one of my cars leave me stranded. It's been great for my cardio, but more importantly, it was built here. Plans changed. Volare out, whatever this bicycle is "in." I rode it to the bike shop that assembled it, stopping periodically to ingest fried food, craft beer, and ice cream so as not to unnecessarily improve my health from over-exercise.

Unfortunately for everyone, when I got to the bike store, the snooty repair-shop crew considered my quest incomplete. They didn't make the bikes there, just threw them together. The frame and wheels had come from China, they explained, a big integrated factory that punches out the parts, spitting out thousands of proto-bikes per second without any form of human involvement. You'd have to get on a plane and take it to go visit the mothership in Guangdong.

Confronted with the choice to either abandon my quest or willingly board a Boeing product, I decided to take the safer route and return home. Perhaps it was foolish to try and figure out the maternal bonds of soulless, inanimate methods of transportation. Or perhaps I just picked the wrong kind of product, I decided, picking up an apple at the grocery store on my way home. Surely, this thing came from here, I thought right before I read the label.

As soon as I figure out where "Northern Spy" is, you'll be the first to know.

[erosastro]

Astro Observations🧡

🏵️ I don't know what it is about air signs (particularly Aquarius) that are so attracted to water signs.... like yall know it's not gonna work but yall will still go after them and even the water signs, I think they see the air signs as you know the "I can fix him" type

🏵️ Saturn in 7th house natal indicates getting married at a later stage in life because saturn is a planet of challenges/obstacles in the relationship house (also look at good/bad aspects that may help or delay it even more).

🏵️ Libras are all about balance, yet they're the most indecisive mfs I've ever met especially Libra Sun/Moon and Venus.

🏵️Cancer Suns/Moons and Libra Sun/Moon and sometimes Capricorn Suns are some of the best dressed people I've met, even going to the grocery store, they gotta look good.

🏵️Inconjunct signs can either work really well together or they're the worst of enemies. I've noticed with these couples that things are good in the beginning and as the relationship goes on, things can get really sour between them. But a lot of these signs are so attracted to each other and I think it's because they're so different from each other. (Particularly Leo x Capricorn, Aries x Scorpio, Aquarius x Cancer and Libra x Pisces)

🏵️ A lot of tarot readers/clairvoyants I've noticed have fire placements, particularly Aries.

🏵️Uranus transiting your 7th house can bring you a lot of weird relationships and very off and on relationships/situationships.

🏵️People with air sign stelliums (no matter the house ~ to an extent) tend to be very disconnected to their emotions but also their love is very unique, particularly Aquarius stellium. They'll be in a five year relationship but will move on very quickly. Don't take it personally it's just in their nature.

🏵️Mars in Sagittarius men are very well built down there if you catch my drift and the women are very... uh mesmerizing down there let's just say that

🏵️Everybody thinking Scorpios are the kinkiest mfs and they are kinky af but yall dunno about how kinky virgos are.... 👀 I see you Virgo

🏵️Some of the most beautiful people I've met have Sagittarius Suns or Risings. Idk how or what it is about them but they're all so gorgeous (or maybe my gemini sun is very attracted to my sister sign go figure but I feel like this is objective too)

🏵️Gonna go back to air signs being detached when it comes to love specifically romantic love. It is true but like I said before, their love is also one of a kind. Air sign placements are just very protective of their heart because deep down they're emotional mfs (Airs signs are after all ruled by the heart Chakra)

[thelampisaflashlight]

Some Rain/Dewdrop thoughts, because why not? Let's go.

-In terms of how their dates go down, Dew is the planner, Rain is the doer, and when it comes to being spontaneous, it's usually him dragging Dew out of his comfort zone -within reason- to have fun.

While he may be the quieter of the two, Rain's desire to go out and do things, even just going to the grocery store, is a lot stronger than Dew's, so while he's not as social per se, he has more of an outgoing personality.

Just in a more literal, he wants to go outside, sense.

-Rain is the, "I can't eat if no one else is eating!" type of person, and Dew is... exactly the same way.

If one of them isn't hungry when they go out to eat, they'll at least eat some of the other person's food or share so it isn't as awkward.

Dew is significantly more guilty of this than Rain when it comes to eating, so sometimes Rain will pout at him until he relents and eats a couple fries or picks at a bit of pasta off of his plate.

-Most of the time, when they cuddle at night, it's in the jetpack position -Dew holding Rain from behind- but on the rare occasions Rain gets a turn, Dew has woken mid being swung onto the other side of the bed, because his partner moves around so much in his sleep that he's moving him around like he's a stuffed animal.

There's a lot more shouting if he falls off the bed though.

-Rain bites Dew any chance he gets, and sometimes he forgets that, maybe, you shouldn't just chomp down on your partner while he's in the middle of a meeting with Sister Imperator.

And lastly;

-They've both forgotten whose clothes are whose, except for their shoes.

It's a bit difficult to get those mixed up, given the size difference, but also because Rain's shoes can be found in the closet, and Dew's can be found... On the floor, under the bed, halfway across the room, on top of the dresser, in the hallway, wedged between the bed and the wall, and on the roof.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Meatspace twiddling

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me next weekend (Mar 30/31) in ANAHEIM at WONDERCON, then in Boston with Randall "XKCD" Munroe (Apr 11), then Providence (Apr 12), and beyond!

"Enshittification" isn't just a way of describing the symptoms of platform decay: it's also a theory of the mechanism of decay – the means by which platforms get shittier and shittier until they are a giant pile of shit.

I call that mechanism "twiddling": this is the ability of digital services to alter their business-logic – the prices they charge, the payouts they offer, the particulars of the deal – from instant to instant, for each user, continuously:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/19/twiddler/

Contrary to Big Tech's own boasting about its operations, the tricks that tech firms play to siphon value away from business customers and end-users aren't very sophisticated. They're crude gimmicks, like offering a higher per-hour wage to Uber drivers whom the algorithm judges to be picky about which rides they'll clock in for, and then lowering the wage by small increments as a way of lulling the driver into gradually accepting a permanent lower rate:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

This is a simple trick. The difference is that tech platforms like Uber can play it over and over, and very quickly. There's plenty of wage-stealing scumbag bosses who'd have loved to have shaved pennies off their workers' paychecks, then added a few cents back in if a worker cried foul, then started shaving the pennies again. The thing that stopped those bosses was the bottleneck of payroll clerks, who couldn't make the changes fast enough.

Uber plays crude tricks – like claiming that a driver isn't an employee because the control is mediated through an app – and then piles more crude tricks on top – this algorithmic wage discrimination gambit.

Have you ever watched a shell-game performed very slowly?

https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-do-penn-tellers-famous-cups-and-balls-trick-in-12-steps

It's a series of very simple gimmicks, performed very quickly and smoothly. Computers are very quick and very smooth. The quickness of the hand deceives the eye: do crude tricks with superhuman speed and they'll seem sophisticated.

The one bright spot in the Great Enshittening that we're living through is that many firms are not sufficiently digitized to to these crude tricks very quickly. Take grocery stores: they can get up to a lot of the same tricks as Amazon – for example, they can charge suppliers for placement on the most prominent, easiest-to-reach shelves, reorganizing your shopping based on which companies pay the biggest bribes, rather than offering the best products and prices.

But Amazon takes this to a whole different level – beyond simply organizing their product pages based on payola, they do this for search. You ask Amazon, "What's your cheapest batteries?" and it lies to you. If you click the first link in a search-results page, you'll pay 29% more than you would if you got the best product – a product that is, on average, 17 places down on the results page. Amazon makes $38b/year taking bribes to lie to you:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/06/attention-rents/#consumer-welfare-queens

Amazon can do more than that. Thanks to its digital nature, it can continuously reprice its offerings – indeed, it can simply make up each price displayed on every product at the instant you look at it – based on its surveillance data about you, estimating your willingness to pay. For sellers, Amazon can continuously re-weight the likelihood that a given product will be shown to a customer based on the seller's willingness to discount their products, even to the point where they go out of business:

https://www.businessinsider.com/sadistic-amazon-treated-book-sellers-the-way-a-cheetah-would-pursue-a-sickly-gazelle-2013-10

Twiddling, in other words, lets digital services honeycomb their servers with sneaky wormholes that let them siphon value away from one kind of platform user and give it to another (as when Apple silently began spying on Iphone owners to create profiles for advertisers), or to themselves.

But hard-goods businesses struggle to do this kind of twiddling. Not for lack of desire – but for lack of capacity. Jeff Bezos, owner of Amazon Fresh – an online grocery store – can change prices and layout millions of times per day, at effectively zero cost. Jeff Bezos, owner of Whole Foods – a brick-and-mortar grocer – needs a army of teenagers on rollerskates with pricing guns to achieve a fraction of this agility.

So hard-goods businesses are somewhat enshittification-resistant. It's not that their owners are more interested in the welfare of their customers, workers and suppliers – they merely lack the capacity to continuously rejigger the way their business runs.

Well, about that.

Grocers have been experimenting with "electronic shelf labels" in order to do "dynamic pricing" – that means that prices change quickly, in response to circumstances:

https://www.npr.org/2024/03/06/1197958433/dynamic-pricing-grocery-supermarkets

This doesn't have to be bad! As @planetmoney points out, it's a little weird that grocers don't discount milk whose sell-by date is drawing near. That milk is worth less to shoppers, because they have to use it more quickly lest it expire. Instead of marking down the price of perishable goods – day-old lettuce, yesterday's bread, etc – grocers put them on the shelves next to fresher, more valuable products, leading to billions of dollars' worth of food-waste and and unimaginable quantities of methane-producing, planet-cooking landfill.

In Norway, ESLs are pretty well established and – at least according to Planet Money's reporting – they are used exclusively to offer discounts in order to reduce waste. They make everyone better off.

But towards the end of the story, they note that Norway's grocery sector – which alters prices up to 2,000 times per day – has been accused of using ESLs to rig prices, hiking them and blaming them on pandemic supply-chain problems and loose monetary policy. Greedflation, in other words.

Greedflation is rampant in the grocery sector, all around the world. Remember when the price of eggs doubled and they blamed in on bird-flu, even as the CEO of the one company that owns every egg brand you've ever heard of boasted about how he could hike prices and suckers would just pay it?

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/23/cant-make-an-omelet/#keep-calm-and-crack-on

In Canada, grocers rigged the price of bread, the most Les-Mis-ass form of corporate crime you can imagine (do you want guillotines, Galen Weston? Because this is how you get guillotines):

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread_price-fixing_in_Canada

EU grocers – another highly concentrated industry – also collude to rig prices:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/17/how-to-think-about-scraping/

Which is all to say that while these companies don't have to use the twiddling capabilities that come with ESLs to enshittify their stores, we'd be pretty fucking naive to assume that they won't.

And here's the bad news: US grocers like Whole Foods (owned by Amazon, the company that wrote the enshittification playbook) are already experimenting with ESLs. So is Alberstons/Safeway, the massive, inbred conglomerate that has already demonstrated its passion for using twiddling to fuck over their workers:

https://knock-la.com/vons-fires-delivery-drivers-prop-22-e899ee24ffd0/

Economists love "price discrimination" – where prices change based on circumstance, trying to match the perfect price with the perfect customer. On paper, that sounds plausible: if I need a quart of milk for a recipe I'm making tonight and I get a 50% discount on some about-to-expire 2%, then everyone's better off. I get a discount and the grocer gets some money for milk they'd have to throw away at the end of the day.

But these elegant, self-licking ice-cream cones only emerge if the corporation offering the deal is constrained. Perhaps they're constrained by competition – the fear that you'll go elsewhere. Or perhaps they're constrained by regulation – the fear that they'll be punished if they use twiddling-tech to cheat you.

The grocery sector, dominated by a cartel of massive companies that routinely collude to rip us off, is not constrained by competition. And for years, regulators let them get away with ripping us off (though finally that might be changing):

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/21/us/politics/grocery-prices-pandemic-ftc.html?unlocked_article_code=1.ek0.t2Pr.g4n2usbxEcoa

For neoclassical economists, the answer to all this is "caveat emptor" – let the buyer beware. If you want to make sure that ESLs are only used to offer you discounts and not to gouge prices, all you need to do is note the price of everything you buy, every time you buy it, and triple-check it every time you go back to the grocery store. Just be eternally vigilant!

Thing is, the one thing computers are much better at than humans is vigilance. With ESLs and other twiddling mechanisms, you're a fish on a hook, and the seller is tireless in giving you a little more slack, then a little less, until you finally drop your guard.

Economists desperately want these elegant models to work, but "efficient market hypothesis" is a brain-worm that always turns into apologetics for fraud. Dynamic markets sound like a good idea, but they are catnip for cheaters. "Just be eternally vigilant" is miserable advice, and no way to live your life:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/24/passive-income/#swiss-cheese-security

In his brilliant novel Spook Country, @GreatDismal describes augmented reality as "cyberspace everting" – that is, turning inside-out:

https://memex.craphound.com/2007/07/31/william-gibsons-spook-country/

The extrusion of twiddling technology from digital platforms into the physical world isn't cyberspace everting so much as it is cyberspace prolapsing.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/26/glitchbread/#electronic-shelf-tags

[khaire-traveler]

So, my friend just left their job at a certain chain of grocery stores that starts with a W and decided to share some interesting facts with me. I thought y'all might find it interesting, too.

W has had a major problem with theft since introducing the "no plastic bags". People keep putting things in their personal bags at the self checkout or even leaving them purposely in their bags at the cash registers (and most cashiers don't actually check for hidden items if other bags are inside of the main bag or if it's not obvious).

They've applied new locks to certain items that hang because people would just pull them off of the old locks. They're actually planning to introduce more security measures in the future - specifically, putting many items behind locked glass doors.

W's self checkout now has features where it can detect a ticket switch (scanning another product in place of the actual product) and a mis-scan. Pretty interesting stuff! Apparently, though, it's not always 100% accurate, and if someone were to scan the second ticket in such a way that the camera above couldn't see it, it may not be able to detect it. The machine, however, can tell when two VERY different items do not match (ex: scanning a pair of expensive headphones as a fruit). If it detects a problem, the attendant can pause the transaction and review the footage of the last item that was scanned. Definitely a helpful security feature!

The greeters at the front of the store are trained to only check a receipt if there are unbagged items. Along with that, if they see a bag or backpack, they'll check receipts then, too, and will look inside of the bag if the customer allows it. Crazy thing is that you can deny having your receipt checked! They can't and won't do anything if a customer just walks past them, and if they try to stop a customer leaving, W can get sued.

The only W personnel who are allowed to deal with shoplifters and the like are the Asset Protection Team™. No one else is allowed to touch a suspected thief, nor are they allowed to accuse a customer of stealing. If a customer is accused of stealing and forced through a receipt check yet hasn't stolen anything, W legally has to compensate them for the hassle upon request (with proof, such as camera footage, the request simply can't be denied, though W may try to prolong the process).

W employees are required to clean up spills immediately upon seeing them. I'd say most employees will just leave the spill, grab the equipment, then come to clean it up in reality, but they're supposed to "guard" the spill until they can find another associate to help them clean it up. I'm just saying, but this seems like a really unfortunate distraction that could take an employee's attention away from other matters, such as if there's suspicious activity nearby and someone was purposely creating some kind of distraction. These spills do make their jobs harder, however.

One of the biggest issues that I heard about was people scanning the quantity of certain items as less than there actually were (specifically at self checkouts). Pastries and fruits are a good example of this. Some people will enter one cookie but actually have 3, for example. I think the items this happens most often with are cookies, donuts, avocados, bananas, lemons, limes, mangoes, cantaloupes, and any items that like those that don't require a weight to purchase. This is the case with most grocery store self checkouts, however.

Although many of the cameras W places within random store aisles are fake, those that are placed near expensive items tend to be legit cameras. There was a post that circulated online about how these cameras tend to be fake, and due to that post, you'll now see lots of thieves get caught on cameras that they assumed were not real. It's so wild when you see those videos on YouTube! Those videos literally expose the identities of the people who steal to potentially thousands of people across the world and establish shitty reputations for said people. Other stores are made aware of their identities and can more easily prevent the stealing!

Speaking of those videos, it's very silly to watch those thieves try to hide things in their coats or bags just to discover that the items don't fit. It's almost as if they didn't check beforehand to make sure they'd have enough room, especially without it being noticeable! I mean, don't they practice in a mirror or even have a loved one who checks to see if it's obvious? That's so wild to me!

While associates who are at registers and self checkouts aren't allowed to intervene if they see or suspect a thief, they do have to immediately alert the managers and asset protection. It's pretty wild to see this process in action and watch how quickly the team can move! I've even heard of asset protection being allowed to tackle customers they believe are stealing, although I've never seen this in action. I kind of feel like tackling a thief, especially one you're not sure is actually a thief, would be a good way to get W sued, you know?

I feel like SOOOOO many thieves get caught by giving themselves away, tbh. I guess this isn't something my friend told me, but I've seen it happen so many times in security footage videos on YouTube where the person stealing will look around them as they're grabbing the item, quickly put the item into wherever, look around again, and use a lot of nervous body language as they try to exit the store. Like, the best thieves I've seen have always acted very confident - being aware of their surroundings before grabbing the item, grabbing the item very casually, finding a casual way to slip it into somewhere as they walk away, and walking out with the confidence that they know exactly what they're doing and absolutely nothing is wrong. They seem to walk with their backs straight and their heads held up a bit, almost as if to say "I'm not worried". Either that, or they walk with a very relaxed stride, like that of someone who's just walking into W and walking back out for no reason in particular. When they put too much thought into how they walk, however, it becomes much more obvious. A dead giveaway is probably when the thief acts fidgety, seems paranoid, displays signs of being very nervous whenever an associate is nearby or watching them, and walks very rigidly. You also tend to see good thieves going to checkout lanes that are the furthest from an employee or are in a spot in the middle. Pretty interesting!

Please share this if you'd like! This information is very important for us customers to be aware of. Hopefully, we can spot security threats ourselves and report them to employees of any store! I'm sure many of these things happen at other stores besides W.

[destinysugarbuns]

How Can Leftists Vote For Harris?

Alt text:

People ask me: How can you vote for Harris if you're covid conscious a and support a free Palestine? Harris and Trump the same on these issues, and isn't genocide a line in the sand for you?

Let's break down my math so you know where I'm coming from.

If Trump wins, they won't say he won because he's the same as Harris. Why would they? They'll say he won because of the ways he's different. So if Trump and Harris are the same on Palestine and covid, this election won't be a referendum on either of those issues. It will be a referendum on the ways Trump and Harris are different.

They'll talk about Trump being more "business friendly", which will mean that people hated the way Biden and Harris and Waltz literally stood on picket lines with striking workers. They want the guy who's getting sued by auto union workers because he threatened to have them fired. They'll say we hate the way the Bide-Harris admin have gotten stolen wages back for over half a million workers. We hate that student loan forgiveness is moving forward and Harris says medical debt is next. They'll say that when the Biden-Harris admin appointed a Federal Trade Commissioner who started banning fake product reviews and investigating stores for high grocery prices and making companies that let you subscribe with one-click cancel those subscriptions with one click that we all get really mad. They'll say we didn't like the way that the Biden-Harris admin invested hundreds of billions into clean energy, that we don't want a clean energy transition, we want global warming to keep going as fast as it can.

They'll say Harris was too queer-friendly, she never should have picked a running mate who started a gay-straight alliance in a high school in the 90s. She should have picked the guy who calls it "grooming" to support gender affirmation for trans kids. They'll it was a mistake for her and Biden to make the civil rights division of the DOJ cover violations of queer rights queer rights and to make it illegal for foster parents to try and convert queer kids. As a former foster kid I especially hate this one. They'll say Biden and Harris should have never appointed someone in the Department of Education to fight book bans, because we don't think people should be reading queer books.

If Trump wins, after saying out loud on television that he's been on the phone with Netanyahu himself "almost every day" to sabotage Biden's ceasefire efforts, they won't say that your line in the sand was genocide.

[hereghostslive]

2024 fic round up

alright, i guess im doing this lol.

im not sure why i started feeling unsatisfied with all my fics from this year the past few days but i did for some reason which is why i didnt do this immediately.

but thanks for the tags @lemonlyman-dotcom @alrightbuckaroo @paperstorm , and the yelling at me to do it from @bonheur-cafe and @ladytessa74

i'll go in month order:

January

Henry George Edward James Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor and Alex Claremont-Diaz Hate Weddings | for the New Years RWRB gift exchange, written for @sugdenlovesdingle. 3,178 words.

synopsis: a wedding, a bet, a fight, and another ruined wedding cake.

second strike | 911 Lone Star. 540 words.

synopsis: Carlos is never wrong. Missing moment: Episode 1x03 - Texas Proud. Carlos asks TK out.

February

better get a love | 911 Lone Star, written based off some Valentine's Day prompts from @paperstorm, though I never finished, sigh. 2,773 words so far.

synopsis: Five times Carlos didn’t understand the hype of Valentines Day, and one time he did.

March

halted beginnings | 911 Lone Star. first one beta'd by @goldenskykaysani. 1,410 words. plus, a long back and forth between @liminalmemories21 and i in the comment section about the lazy writing of season 4 lol.

synopsis: After the ice storm, things were better. Carlos gets engaged, and forgets something important.

why | 911 Lone Star. written from a tumblr prompt from @lemonlyman-dotcom. 1,227 words.

synopsis: He wishes a lot of things were different. Like, why was he such a good person? Why was he such a good husband? A good friend? A good partner? -- Carlos surprises TK with a gift. He really wishes he hadn't.

May

he's an ally | 911. the start of the bucktommy rabbit hole lol. though also unfinished. 905 words so far.

synopsis: 5 times Buck was an ally and 1 time he’s not

hitchcockian | 911. 689 words. said before, but i dont love this fic.

synopsis: missing scene from 7x09: Ashes, Ashes

Buck calls Tommy after meeting Kim to tell him he was right about doppelgangers being real. It's all a little too Hitchcockian for his tastes.

victories, defined | 911. 1,944 words. also dont love this fic.

synopsis:

they'll take the victories where they can get them, even if forces outside their control try to diminish them.

a missing moment from 7x09

June

fundamental | 911 Lone Star. this is when i decided to go off the rails. beta'd and wrangled by @goldenskykaysani. 2,707 words (which includes the second chapter with anotations)

synopsis:

fun·da·men·tal

/ˌfəndəˈmen(t)l/

adjective

forming a necessary base or core; of central importance.

-

“The most important things to remember about back story are that (a) everyone has a history and (b) most of it isn’t very interesting.” ― Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft

falling | Doctor Who. never thought id be writing doctor who fic in the 15 some years ive been watching it but here we are. the power of johnathan groff. 2,465 words.

synopsis: Rogue falls. It's not the first time he does.

October

Staring at ghosts | 911. probably my favorite thing ive written, thought it's also unfinished. 1,118 words so far.

synopsis: Haunted by what ifs, Buck struggles in his relationship with Tommy over the course of a stormy weekend.

last resort at the apple store | 911. originated in a discord because someone mentioned something about the 217 keeping tommy's phone away from as well. unfinished. 682 words so far.

synopsis:

Buck desperately needs a phone. So does Tommy.

Fucking Peter — and Apple's security — stands in their way.

December

sail away with me | 911. in my sad bucktommy angst era. part 1 of divorce au. 443 words.

synopsis: Buck and Tommy get matching tattoos. inspired by one scene in the movie Wild

i've known you a long time | 911 Lone Star. written for the Tarlos Secret Santa gift exchange for @lutavero. 1,599 words.

synopsis: On Christmas Eve, Carlos remembers a figure from his past, and meets it again in his present.

grocery store sequels | 911. part 2 of divorce au. 853 words.

synopsis: A year after his divorce, Tommy accidentally reunites with his niece and brother-in-law in San Diego.

--

and thats that! thanks to everyone who read and left a comment or a kudos on these this year!! thanks to @goldenskykaysani for beta'ing some of these.

do i maybe potentially have one more for the year that might be posted tonight? idk. does it maybe include reapers and tommy kinard? mayhaps. we'll see.

open tag for anyone who hasn't done this yet!