#I fucking love Costco

[shadow-0-8]

I was trying to sleep when I came up with this dumb ass hc.

I feel like Graves really loves milk, it probably stems from him being told it’d make him grow as a kid(it did not) but now he just really fucking loves milk. He has one of those massive plastic, probably Costco(I’m assuming they have these in the south WAIT R THEY BIGGER IN TEXAS????) brand jug of milk, that just randomly chugs straight from the bottle at like 5 AM in the morning when he’s thirsty. He also keeps one in the Shadow company break room fridge that the Shadows are actually scared to drink from because Graves definitely back washes into it, and one time he forgot to buy one and actually had a break down(they secretly refill his milk jug now). He will also definitely chug anyone’s left over milk from their cereal straight out of the bowl.

[mr-man4234]

COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO COSTCO

Took them to get Costco hotdog

[soletluuna]

wife is taking me to costco 2day!!!!!!!!

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

[valestii]

@ Costco

Me: Oh cute, a giant pikachu plush...I'm going to buy it.

Mom: oh buying it for someone as a gift?

me: YEAH, A GIFT FOR MYSELF.

[wylansworkshop]

my gf and I are gonna go to costco sometime this week I can't wait!!!

[leavesandbounds]

Canonical Etho Setup

[yardikins]

I saw this Reductress headline and instantly thought of them so I had to make this

[cainternn]

What is your favorite pizza topping?

i do love a good cheese pizza but also mushrooms and meat like sausage or pepperoni :]

[mylove-thresher]

chat is this -500000 aura or what

[smaeemo]

Date idea: We go to costco

That’s it. That’s the date.

[sleepyjim2]

incomprehensible yap in the tags tldr im just not doing well i guess

[boatboysrowout]

hmmmm 20 or 61. whichever you like better.

“Your concerns and complaints are our biggest priority.” Etho says, staring unblinkingly into the eyes of the angry customer standing in front of him. “However, I cannot give you a refund for an item if you do not provide a receipt.”

The man’s face goes red as he slams his fist on the counter. “Your store policy says you’ll refund any defective product! This toaster stopped working yesterday and I demand my money back!” 

Etho stares at him some more, then slowly shifts his gaze downwards onto the crumpled piece of metal that had been slammed on his counter just moments before. “That’s a toaster?”

“Yes! My son backed over it with his truck and now it doesn’t work and I demand a full refund and replacement toaster!” The man is inches from Etho’s face now, and Etho subtly leans back out of spitting range. “I demand to speak to your manager!” 

Thank god. Etho maintains eye contact as he reaches for his radio, bringing it up to his mask as the customer continues to breathe entirely too heavily for what the situation warrants. 

“Hey Scar, there’s an unsatisfied customer down at returns.” He says into the radio, not breaking eye contact. “He’s having an issue with his toaster.” 

Behind him he can hear raised voices, and a quick glance over his shoulder reveals Joel slamming both his palms on the counter, a leg quick to follow as he gets in the face of a customer who is gesturing emphatically at an item beside him. 

“There’s also an issue with Joel, but I can handle that one.” He turns back to his customer and finally blinks, scrunching his eye in an imitation of a smile. “My manager will be with you shortly.” 

With that he turns on his heel and wanders over to where Joel is now standing on the counter, still yelling at the customer as he gestures wildly at what seems to be a waterlogged loaf of bread.

“HOW AM I RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR BLOODY BREAD FALLING IN THE BLOODY BATH?!” He yells, not missing a beat even when Etho wraps his arms around his middle and pulls him off the countertop. “I WASN’T EVEN BLOODY THERE!”

“You shouldn’t have made your wrappers so slick!” The customer argues back. “This is America! You should take pride in your work! Shame on the both of you!”

“NEITHER OF US ARE AMERICAN!” Joel howls as Etho hauls him towards the break room, slamming the door with his heel behind them.

[aleixis]

just gotta make it to friday ... ( it's still sunday )

[foxymc]

Where would I even be in this world without poutine??

[mvnces]

he’s so sobieski coded <3