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freddiekluger · 4 years ago

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Why Cap Being Internally Closeted Is Not Only Possible, But Valid Representation

i wrote this to a lot of mitski and onsind, so you can’t blame me for any feelings that bleed through

now i don’t know if it actually exists, but i’ve heard of there being a lot of discourse surrounding the captains story arc regarding his sexuality- i believe the general gist is that having a queer character that remains closeted to themselves is either unrealistic or ‘bad’ representation, and as someone who really treasures the captain and relates to his story so far a lot, i thought i might break this down a bit.

i’ve divded up every complaint i’ve heard about this into four main questions which i’ll be covering below the ‘keep reading’, because this is gonna be pretty comprehensive. full disclaimer i reference my experiences as an ex-evangelical non binary butch lesbian a couple times, and i spent a year studying repression and the psychological impacts of high demand sexual ethics for my graduating sociology paper, so this is coming with some background to it i swear

the big questions:

can you EVEN be gay and not know it????

but isn't this just ANOTHER coming out arc, and aren't we supposed to be moving beyond those?

but if cap can't have a relationship with a man because he's a ghost, what's the point?

since cap's dead, isn't this technically bury your gays, and isn't that bad?

1. "but is it really possible to not know? Isn't that bad representation?"

short answer: no and no.

before i get into the validity of the captain's ignorance about his own orientation as 21st century rep, let's break down how the hell the captain can be so clearly attracted to men and still not even consider the possibility that he might be gay, as brought to you by someone who literally experienced this shit.

the captain's particular situation is both a direct result of the lack of information around human sexuality he would have had (aka clear messaging that it's actually possible for him to be attracted to men. i don't mean acceptable or allowed, i mean physically capable of happening- the idea that orientations other than heterosexual exist and are available to him, a man), and a subconscious survival mechanism. the environment in which he lives is outright hostile to gay people, while the military man identity he has constructed for himself doesn't allow for any form of deviation from societal norms, let alone one so base level and major. as a result of this killer combo of information and environment, instincts take over and the mind does it's best to repress the ‘deviant’ feelings until a. one of these two things changes, or b. the act of repression becomes so destructive and/or exhuasting that it becomes impossible to maintain. the key to maintaining a long-term state of repression of desire is diverting that energy elsewhere, and a high-demand group such as the military is the perfect place for the captain to do this (this technqiue is frequented by religions and extremist ideologies worldwide, but that’s not really what we’re here to focus on).

while the brain is actively repressing ‘deviant’ feelings (aka gay shit), this doesn't mean you don't experience the feelings at all. when performed as a subconscious act of survival, the aim of repression is to minimise/transform the feelings into a state where they can no longer cause immediate danger, and something as big as sexual/romantic orientation is going to keep popping up, but as long as the individual in question never understands what they’re feeling, they’ll be able to continue relatively undisturbed. you know how in heist movies, the leader of the group will only tell each team member part of the plan so they can’t screw things up for everyone else if they get caught? it’s kind of like that.

this is how the captain appears to have operated in life AND in death, and it’s a relatively common experience for lgbtq people who’ve grown up in similar circumstances (aka with a lack of information and in an unfriendly-to-hostile environment), and accounts for how some people can even go on to get married and have children before realising that they’re gay and/or trans.

personally, while i can now identify what were strong homo crushes all the way back to childhood, at the time i genuinely had no idea. there was the underlying sense that i probably shouldn't tell people how attached i was to these girls because i would seem weird, and that my feelings were stronger than the ones other people used to describe friendships, but like-like them in the way that other girls like-liked boys? no way! actually scratch that, it wasn't even a no way, because i had no idea that i even could. i even had my own havers, at least in terms of the emotional hold and devotion she got from me, except she treated me way less well than cap’s beau. snatches of the existence of lgbt people made it through the cone of silence, i definitely heard the words gay and lesbian, but my levels of informations mirrored those that the captain would have had: virtually none, beyond the idea that these words exist, some people are them, and that's not something that we support or think is okay, so let's just not speak about it. despite only attending religious schools for the first couple years of primary, until i got my own technology and social media accounts to explore lgbtq content on my own- option a out of the two catalysts for change- the possibility of me being gay was not at all on my radar. don’t even get me started on how long it took me to explore butchness and my overall gender, two things which now feel glaringly obvious.

when shit starts to break down, you can also make the conscious choice to repress which can delay the eventual smashing down of the mental closet door for a time (essentially when the closet door starts to open, you just say ‘no thanks’ and shut it again by pointedly Not Thinking About It). in the abscence of identifying yourself by your attractions, it becomes quite common to identify with a lack- in my case, this meant becoming proud of how sensible and not boy crazy i was, and in the captain’s case, this means becoming proud of how sensible and not sensuous/wild (aka woman crazy) he was, identifying with his LACK of desire for women and partying (which, even in the 40s, involved the expectation of opposite sex romances and hook ups). i’m not saying that’s the only reason he’s a rule follower, but i think the contrast between About Last Night and Perfect Day pretty much support this. (the captain getting on his high horse about general party antics that he inherently felt excluded from because of underlying awareness of his difference & his tendency to project his regimented expectations of himself onto others, vs. joining in the reception party, awareness of how the environment supports difference in the form of clare and sam, and relaxing his own rules by dancing with men- the captain doesn’t mind a party when feels like he has a place there.)

so the captain was operating in a high demand, highly regulated environment (primarily the military, but also early 20th century England itself), with regimented roles, rules, and expectations. working on the assumption that he wouldn't have had out/disclosing lgbt friends, he would have had little to no exposure to lgbt identities, and what information he did receive would have been hushed and negatively geared. while my world started to open up when i started high school was allowed to have my own phone + instagram account, resulting in me realising something wasn't quite 'right' within a few years (making me a relatively early realiser compared to those who don't come out to themselves until adulthood), in life the captain never had that experience. he didn't receive the information he needed, his environment didn't grow less hostile. with the near-exception of havers related heartbreak, his well disciplined and lifelong method of repression never became destructive/exhaustive enough to permanently override the danger signals in his mind and allow him to put his feelings into words. neither of the most common catalysts for change happened for him, so he continued as usual, even after his death.

BUT, and here’s where we come to why this is actually great representation, arrival of mike and Alison represents the opening up of new world. for the first time, the captain is actively made aware of the fact that his environment is no longer hostile, and better than that, it’s affirming. he’s also getting access to positively geared information about lgbtq people and identities, so option a of the two catalysts for change is absolutely present, and resoundingly positive.

the captain’s arc is also relatively unique as it acknowledges the oppressive nature of his environment, but actually focuses on the internal consequences, and the way that systems like those that the captain lived in succeed because they turn us into our own oppressors. for whatever reason, we repress ourseslves, and often can’t help it, and i find that the significance of the journey to overcome that is often overlooked in more mainstream queer media. perhaps it’s just not very cinematic, or it remains too confronting for cishet audiences, but ghosts manages to touch on it with a lovely amount of humour and hope. Jamie Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader is another favourite piece of queer media for the same reasons.

not only does it show this, but as the captain continues to get gayer and lean into some of his less conventional traits (like an interest in fashion and the wedding planning), it shows lgbt people who have been or are going through this that there CAN be a positive outcome. it takes a lot to unlearn all the things that have painted you as wrong, especially when a massive institution is desperate to continue doing so, but you can do it, you can be happy, and it's never too late. (i've been meaning to say that last point for ages for ages, but a mutual beat me to it here)

2. not just another coming out arc

i absolutely support the demand for queer stories that don’t center around coming out (it’s like shrodinger’s queer: if you’re not coming out on screen, do you really even exist?), but i don’t align with the criticisms that the captain should already be out. for the reasons mentioned above, the captain’s particular story is fairly different to the ‘young white teenager who mostly knows gay is fine, it’s just everyone else that’s got the problem, but have a unremarkably straight sounding soundtrack, a trauma porn romance, and a cishet saviour’ that we keep seeing. the captain’s ongoing journey with his sexuality emphasises the overaching theme of the show: recovering from trauma and humanity’s endless capacity for growth, and i think that’s worth showing over and over again until it stops being true.

additionally, while the captain’s journey regarding his gayness is a big part of his character and story, ghosts makes it clear that it’s not the ONLY part, and being gay is far from his ONLY characteristic or dramatic/comedic engine. the fact that i’m even having to congratulate ghosts for doing that really shows how much film and television is struggling huh.

while all queer media is, and should be, subject to criticism, i think if it helps even one person then it absolutely deserves to exist, and i can say i’ve found the captain’s journey to be the lgbt story i’ve found that’s closest to my own, which says a lot considering he’s a dead world war 2 soldier who hangs out with other ghosts including a slutty Tory, a georgian noblewoman, and a literal caveman.

3. if captain gay, why he no have boyfriend????

another complaint that’s been circulating is that since the captain doesn’t, and likely won’t, have a boyfriend, that makes him Bad Representation because it follows the sad single gay trope. i kind of get the logic from this one, and a lot of it is up to personal interpretation, but part of me really enjoys the fact that the captain’s journey towards accepting himself is separated from having a relationship.

coming out is often paired with having romantic/sexual relationships (either as the reason or reward for doing so). my own struggle with repression didn't end the second that came out, and i still struggle with letting myself develop & acknowledge romantic feelings as a result of actively shutting them (and most other feelings in general) down for years, and statistics show that lgbtq youth in particular tend not to live out their 'teen years' until their twenties. by not giving cap a relationship straight away, ghosts separates the act of claiming identity and sexual orientation from finding a partner (two things which are, more often than not, separate), and also provides some very nice validation to folks who have yet to have the relationship they want, especially when lots of mainstream queer media is now jumping on the cishet media bandwagon of acting as if every person loses their virginity and has a life defining relationship at sixteen. it’s essentially a continuation of the earlier theme of “it’s never too late”, and who’s to say the captain won’t get a gay bear ghost boyfriend to go haunt nazis with??? people die all the time, it could happen.

(also, i think him and julian will have definitely shagged at least once. it was a low moment for both of them and they refuse to speak of it.)

lots of asexual/ace spectrum fans have come out to say how much they’ve loved being able to headcanon cap as ace, and while that’s not a headcanon i personally have, i think it’s brilliant that ace fans feel seen by his character- we’re all in this soup together babey (and sorry for cursing everyone still reading this with that cap/julian headcanon. i’m just a vessel)

4. “okay, but cap’s a GHOST- doesn’t that make this Bury Your Gays?”

this is a bit of a complex one, but i’m going to say no as a result of the following break down.

Bury Your Gays (BYG), aka the trope where lgbtq characters are consistently killed off (and often with a heavy dose of trauma, while cishet characters survive) is probably one of my least favourite lgbt media tropes. BYG has two main points:

1. the lgbt character is killed, thus removing them from story entirely- hence the use of the phrase ‘killed OFF’ (killed off of the show/film)

2. the character’s death reinforces the perception that lgbtq people’s lives must end in tragedy, instead of being long and fulfilling, or are inherently less valuable. bonus points if the character is killed in a hate crime or confesses same-gender love right before they die (that one implies that queer love genuinely has no future!)

not every death of an lgbtq character is bury your gays, and i personally feel that the captain is an example of an lgbt death that isn’t.

first of all, while the captain is dead, so are the vast majority of characters in ghosts. the premise of the show means that death is not the end of the line for its characters- for most of them, it’s the only reason we get to see them on screen at all. as such, the captain being dead doesn’t remove him from the story, so point one is irrelevant.

at the time of posting, we don’t know how or why the captain died, but we've had nothing to suggest his death was in any way related to his latent sexuality, so his mysterious death doesn’t actively play into the supposedly inherent tragedy of queer lives, nor the supposedly lesser value. that’s as of right now- since we don’t know the circumstances of his death it’s a little tough to analyse properly. while the captain’s life absolutely features missed opportunities and it’s fair share of tragedy, hope and growth (which seems to be the theme of this post) abounds in equal measure. the captain may not be alive, but we DO get to see him growing and having a relatively happy existence, that for the most part seems to be getting even better as he learns to open up and be himself unapologetically- that doesn’t feel like BYG to me.

while writng this, it’s just occured to me that death really is a second chance for most of the ghosts, especially with the introduction of alison. from mary learning to read, to thomas finding modern music, they’ve all been given the chance explore things they never could have while they were alive, and hopefully grow enough to one day be sucked off move on.

in conclusion,

i love the captain very much and i hope his arc lives up to the standards it’s set so far. i don’t know where to put this in this post, but i’d alo like to say i LOVE how in Perfect Day, the captain wasn’t used as an educational experienced for fanny at all. i am very tired of people expecting me to be the walking talking homophobe educator and rehabilitator, so the fact that it’s alison and the other ghosts that call fanny out while the captain just gets to have fun with the wedding organisation made me very happy.

here’s a few other cap posts that i’ve done:

the captain’s arc if adam and the film crew stayed

a possible cap coming out

the captain backstory headcanon

if you’ve read this far,

thank you!

also check out @alex-ghosts-corner , this post inspired me very much to write this

#i subluxed all my fingers and wrists doing this but worth it #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts headcanon #bbc ghosts analysis #the captain #caphavers #the captain x havers #ben willbond #lgbt representation #lgbt rep #queer media #lgbt media

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michibikionmain · 4 years ago

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Dream Dies in the Prison AU

me: i am going to work on art today

my brain: dream is accidentally murdered by tommy in the fight instead au-

so anyways here's some very angsty and indulgent thoughts! tw for violence/gore mention, toxic dynamics, and death, mostly just canon-typical levels of everything! If I’m missing any important warnings, let me know

The main idea is that the fight between Dream and Tommy in prison from yesterday’s stream has the opposite outcome: instead of Dream killing Tommy, Tommy fights back stronger and is able to kill Dream, who has been weakened by almost a month of sitting in prison where he couldn’t exactly get out and exercise/move much puffy was so sad tommy died and that wasn't even her real son,,, imagine her reaction 2 finding out that her real son was being tortured by one of her closest friends... and died for it... All the guilt she felt for not being able to protect Tommy? That’s multiplied like a hundred times because she disowned him. She didn’t even try helping Dream, she had been too caught up in her own failures that she couldn’t see how bad things were for him. It’s like her mixed belief on exile, where Tommy deserved to be punished, but not tortured. She doesn’t think ANYONE should be tortured because that doesn’t help anyone! Not even Dream! Puffy had trusted Sam, one of the kindest and most understanding people she knew, to punish him but also rehabilitate and help him get better. And knowing that it was Tommy, who she thought had CHANGED and gotten better, who killed Dream in the end? She’s falling apart. All she wanted was her family to be happy, for the server to be fun and not full of death and torture but she couldn’t figure out how to break the cycle.

Maybe she starts to think more sympathetically towards Dream, maybe she wonders if everything falling apart wasn’t entirely his fault. Puffy already hates the factions on the server, what if that intensifies as she comes to realize that it was the creation of these factions that drove Dream into an unstable position where he ended up locked in an inhumane prison, weak enough to be killed by a child.

Tommy would be torn up, naturally, but I imagined he'd keep trying to play it off like "well big man deserved it after all the shit he did on the server! just have his ghost get the dumb book and we can bring back the people that matter" because his reaction to bad situations is to ignore the bad aspects and only focus on how they can help or affect him bc of the Trauma. Dream was just the villain... if he didn’t kill Dream, Dream would’ve killed him... there wasn’t another way. There is lots of denial and repression in order to not have to accept that reality of the situation he’s been stuck in. His trauma response is a victim complex, and that very much comes into play here.

The Kinoko kingdom/El Rapids boys are.... they're so lost because FUCK if I’m not writing Feral Boys Friendship into the story

Sapnap knew things in prison were that bad- He SAW Dream, he saw how desperate and shaken and upset he was and even questioned if that was his Dream anymore, but... seeing his emotional brother killed like that? And knowing he never even got to TRY and improve himself? he's upset that he didn't try to help him sooner. The fact that it was Tommy that killed him too? Yeah that sits horribly with him, since him and Tommy were the ones that ones who started the disk wars together that ended with him trapped in the prison that Sapnap helped

Karl is just out of it because of the Time Travel things. He can't control his time travelling despite how much he just wants to go back and make sure no one dies in that cell but he can't. It's fate, they can't both leave that cell alive. And it only helps to escalate his memory loss and the feeling of helplessness he feels at not being able to stop everything that's happened on the server.

Quackity is... confused Wasn't Dream the source of conflict on the server? Why the hell was he dead? Everything was Dream's fault... right? It can't be Tommy tied into the heart of all the problems on the server too, it was just Dream, their villain-- His entire grounding that's based on complete good versus evil and justice is SO shaken by this, especially after seeing how much it upsets the rest of his friends who couldn't just write him off as a one sided villain. The character development potential here is strong and I love it

We might not get actual George lore but FUCK if I am not adding him in the AU because i think his character has interesting potential. fuck this stupid good actor boy and the fact that he just doesn't wanna be involved. George was only barely aware that Dream had even been put in prison. Most people were too scared to talk to him about it in fear of upsetting him and thus incurring the wrath of the god and world that loved him so much that it put him to sleep any time he had a real chance of danger, but when he does manage to find out what happened in there, from Sam, his father/older brother figure of all people... who is at least partially responsible... oh boy. that's not gonna be a pretty confrontation part of him wants the world just to swallow him back into sleep, not permanently but like before: only waking him when he can be safe and happy. His dreams are happier anyways, because there the big happy family of the server is still together and they never split apart and the wars were all just games. the other part? the other part wants revenge on the cursed world that dared take away the only things that had mattered to him: his best friend, and his peaceful ignorance.

The only reason he’d even been waking up more was because Dream was less aware of everything going on outside now that he was in prison, and thus couldn’t compel the world to protect him in Dream’s stead. The world put him to sleep and loved him because Dream, while a separate being than the god DreamXD, is connected to the world and server, and loved George so much that his desire to protect him spread into the world. The world can’t protect him or be driven by that desire with Dream dead, though, so no more enchanted gogy sleeping through everything because of magic.

I have so many more cool ideas but if any1 would like to share more...

#dream smp #dsmp #dream smp au #dsmp au #dreamwastaken #Dream Team #sapnap #quackity #karl jacobs #captain puffy #tommyinnit #dreamnotfound #at least theres dnf undertones anyways-#Warden Sam #awesamdude

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makeste · 4 years ago

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not a cavalcade of Katsuki panels

damn, anon. you stone cold came for me with that last part. and just fyi to all onlookers, this was before I had posted the headcanons ask proving this exact point lmao.

but a challenge has been issued now! so I will do my best to pick a variety of impartial panels featuring a veritable medley of characters. not sure I can really provide much in the way of insightful analysis of symbolism and metaphors and stuff, but I can certainly type a lot of words about the pretty pictures, and about how cool people look when they’re standing around all serious surrounded by clouds of billowing smoke.

why I like it: I figured we’d start off strong. no point in holding back. can the other panels possibly even hope to compete. maybe. we’ll see.

why I like it: because, you see, he punched a giant robot, and it exploded. you see that, there? and the text was all “SMAASH” in humongous comic book letters, and it was pretty cool. also Deku is very tiny and the robot is very big. and just to clarify, most of the time if a tiny fifteen-year-old child tries to punch an 80-foot robot, it’s not actually going to go all that well, and the robot probably will not explode. but in this case it did! and so this is a very novel and unexpected outcome, which makes it all the more visually striking, which is a very good thing to be when you are trying to show off the brand new superpower which your protagonist just inherited, and letting people see it in action for the very first time.

why I like it: so you may have noticed we just skipped a whoooole bunch of chapters lol. this is because there are almost 300 of them, and so I’m going to have to use a bit of discretion. anyway so this is a gorgeous panel. just, everything about it. the lighting; the expressions; Shouto’s hesitation; and his mom facing away, not looking back yet, and us not yet knowing how she’ll react. and the fact that they’re visually separated by as much distance as possible -- at opposite ends of a two-page spread -- and yet they’re so close, closer than they’ve been in years. mm. anyway it’s pretty.

why I like it: first of all because there’s nothing like seeing a deserving character get punched in the fucking face, and few characters IMO have been as deserving as Stain. and second because this is Deku, showing up to save the day out of nowhere at the last minute, because excuse you, but he’s a motherfuckin’ hero. sorry to interrupt your evening plans of stabbing a kid while lecturing him about why, philosophically, he deserves to die. but I’ve got a package here for a Mister Stain. it’s from Mister Smaassh, with two A’s and three S’s.

why I like it: fyi, anon said nothing about a cavalcade of BakuDeku panels. you didn’t think I’d let that loophole go to waste, did you? but nonetheless I will try to restrain myself until we get to the second ground beta fight. anyway, I like this panel because All Might’s canonically 7′2″ self looks about twelve feet tall here, and he is just TOWERING over these two boys, who’ve been tasked with somehow outwitting him during this curiously sadistic final exam. and it’s just an interesting perspective, because we know they both look up to him, and here they are physically looking way, way up, up, up at him.

why I like it: now this is how you do a villain entrance. I love absolutely everything about this. the sheer scale of destruction, and the way he’s just sort of casually hanging out there in the middle of the panel almost dwarfed by all this dust and smoke and carnage, and yet is unquestionably the focus of the page. the way that you can’t actually see his face, not yet. not until the end of the chapter. the way the clouds are drifting so calmly and peacefully in the night sky in stark contrast to the horrific events that are about to take place on the ground. this panel gives me literal chills, especially when I think about All for One’s creepy theme music playing in the background.

why I like it: this panel is so iconic to me that it’s one of the first ones I immediately knew I had to go and find when I got this ask. this entire fight is perfection from start to finish, and there are other panels that are more artistically striking if I’m being honest (in particular, the ones where he’s half-transformed with his face perfectly split down the middle between Muscle Might and Skinny Steve). but there’s just something about his determination in this panel, though. something about the fire in his eyes, and the way he clenches his fist. “my heart is still the heart of the Symbol of Peace.” I remember being sooooo fucking anxious when his true form was revealed, wondering if this was it, if the people watching were going to turn on him, if he was going to lose both the fight and their faith. turns out I was wrong on both accounts. basically what I am trying to tell you guys is that this panel was and is still the most badass thing I’ve ever seen.

why I like it: because he’s just a frail old man doing what he can to protect the last flickering embers of the thing that enables him to fight on. there’s something so fucking desperate and yet so determined about this image. he knows it’s futile, but still he persists.

why I like it: damn it was hard to find a “you’re next” panel with just the right angle I like best. this is probably as close as it gets, but I kind of wish Deku was somehow visible in this image as well. but at any rate this is an amazing moment, and All Might is dramatic af for basically no reason but IT’S BADASS. “no I’m not going to actually look where I’m pointing. it’s cooler this way.” or was it because he wasn’t sure if he could keep the emotion off of his face if he actually turned and looked? in this moment of knowing that it was finally over for him, that he would never be the Symbol again, and knowing that he had no choice but to move on and entrust that burden to the next generation? damn.

why I like it: I... fucking... okay, here’s a fun fact. did you know that I still get emotional over this panel almost a full two years after reading it?? obviously a good 84% of it is the context -- All Might losing his power; Deku being forced to take up the mantle before he feels ready; All Might feeling responsible for him; and both of them being so desperately grateful to have each other in that moment. but don’t underestimate that remaining 16% either though! this is just an extremely well-drawn hug, on top of everything else. All Might pressing Deku’s head to his shoulder with his fingers laced in his hair is some mighty fine fiercely protective hug tropes there, you guys. and the way Deku is clinging to his shirt so tightly his knuckles have probably gone white?? while he cries?? while both of them cry? ON THE BEACH? WITH THE WAVES LAPPING SOFTLY AT THE SHORE IN THE PEACEFUL NIGHT AIR?? jesus fucking christ. this hug contains more emotions than I am capable of carrying inside me at once. I just sort of have to let them flow in and out little by little until they finally subside.

why I like it: you bet I skipped right from Kamino straight to Deku VS Kacchan Part 2. no regrets. anyway, so these two panels are an absolutely gorgeous one-two punch. so much has changed from the days when they were innocent little kids marching off into the woods to have adventures. they’ve changed. their relationship has changed. and yet, at the end of the day, Izuku is still willing to follow Katsuki even without being given any kind of explanation. and Katsuki still seeks out Izuku when he’s on the verge of having a spectacular emotional breakdown. because he doesn’t know who else to turn to. and because despite everything, there is trust there still, on some deep, fundamental level neither of them fully understands or knows how to acknowledge. anyway, so these two panels just give me a ton of feels all about the passage of time and how everything changes and how you can’t get back what’s lost, but also sometimes if you look deep enough you find that parts of it were never fully gone.

why I like it: because in a striking display of dramatic main character energy, these boys decided to stage their life-changing destiny-affirming rival fight on the coolest possible stage in the middle of the goddamn night. and then Katsuki made it even better by producing WAY MORE SMOKE than his attack by all rights should have produced! and then they went and crouched down all symmetrically so as to more poetically make intense eye contact at each other. I really like panels with smoke and/or dust clearing dramatically. there are like four more of them coming up on this list. what can I say. it’s cinematic.

why I like it: I actually had this one as my icon for a while. it’s rare imo to see an action panel that’s so balanced and has so much going on and is so clean and easy to read. both of their poses are so dynamic. I like the way the arc of Izuku’s kick is drawn, and I love the way you can clearly see that Katsuki propelled himself backwards with his quirk in order to dodge it. it’s just a really cool little panel that for me perfectly sums up the general feel of this fight, and its awesome choreography.

why I like it: actually you know what, before I go any further, let me skip ahead a bit and add three more panels with this same energy.

I just really, really love these rare moments when all differences between them are momentarily forgotten and they’re just two teenage boys caught up in the intense pressure of an awkward social situation. the one enemy neither of them is the least bit equipped to handle. anyways Horikoshi clearly enjoys it too because he seems to delight in drawing it over and over and over.

why I like it: because it’s more billowing smoke and dust. because it’s Endeavor, the guy we all swore we would never ever root for, and then 160 chapters later Horikoshi pulls this shit without an ounce of shame. because it’s All Might’s pose, but tweaked juuuuuust enough so that Enji can avoid copyright claims. because he knew that pose well enough to know which arm not to use. because Endeavor is a profoundly flawed human being, wholly incapable of filling the void All Might left behind. and yet he still tries. because it’s better than nothing, and because it’s all he can do. it’s the one thing he can do, his sole redeeming virtue. he tries. he doesn’t give up. anyway so yeah, Horikoshi didn’t have to take the single most unlikable person in the entire manga and give him the world’s most controversial and openly scorned redemption arc. but he did! and I think it’s one of the best things about this entire manga.

why I like it: because nothing in BnHA is just black and white!! it’s messy and layered and complex, just like in the real world. Shouto despised his dad for almost his entire life. with good reason! Enji was abusive and selfish and treated his son more like a prized possession than a person. we as readers are fully aware of all of this, and we sympathize with Shouto 100%, and that’s completely by design. Horikoshi is well aware of this. so for him to still give us this little moment, where Shouto is so relieved that Enji survived that he drops to the floor and presses his face against his hands in this little prayer gesture -- whatever you think it might mean -- is just so fucking powerful, and again speaks to his commitment to refusing to let anything in this series be completely clear-cut and unambiguous. I love that the characterization of Shouto and Natsu hating their dad exists side by side with the equally authentic characterization of them being terrified that they’re about to watch him die. because those two things aren’t contradictory! sometimes that’s just how it is. anyway so this is a beautiful moment of nuance that instantly adds so much to this relationship with just a single panel.

why I like it: for once the symbolism is so obvious that even I can’t fail to miss it! Izuku’s face half in light and half in shadow as he thinks about the power bestowed on him. “All for One’s power.” anyway so in my mind Izuku having AFO could not be any more fucking foreshadowed if he was wearing a freaking t-shirt with the Musketeers saying on it and the background was peppered with little Sistine Chapel-esque images of AFO giving his quirk to his brother lmao. but regardless of how it does end up playing out, this is nicely done.

why I like it: I wasn’t sure whether I should include this image, given that I just made a whole separate post about it a few days ago. but I just really like it, okay. this is one of the all-time great entrances in the series. Bakugou being perched on that pole for absolutely no reason other than to add visual interest. Todoroki’s hair blowing dramatically in the wind. Katsuki’s frayed pant hems and characteristically asymmetrical facial expression. the fact that you just know both of them spent the ride home with their faces pressed to the windows of their taxi cab hoping desperately for an opportunity to break in their brand new licenses, and then lo and behold. that’s amazing you guys. it’s almost like you’re main characters or something.

why I like it: they did great.

why I like it: because I lost my fucking shit at this fucking reveal and can you even blame me?? we knew coming in how much trouble Endeavor and Hawks had dealing with just one of these Noumus, and then Horikoshi goes and divulges that the villains have at least A DOZEN MORE waiting on standby. including Hood right there in the foreground, which is a fantastic touch! this panel, for me, almost instantaneously established the League as a legitimate threat once again, and gave me the kind of spine-tingly evil vibes I hadn’t felt since the Kamino arc. and while the payoff might not quite have lived up to my expectations, the Mirko fight at least was more than worth it.

why I like it: BILLOWING SMOKE AND DUST CLOUDS. you just see this vast landscape of destruction that Tomura has oh-so-casually wrought, and this once-powerful enemy utterly defeated on his hands and knees bowing before him. and it’s just like, oh. Tomura just became a fucking king, didn’t he. he finally stepped up and became the main villain. really the main villain, not just an awkward fumbling NEET whose adopted dad is not-so-secretly pulling all the strings. he did this himself. he went out and conquered and Awakened and won himself a fucking army. and he’s just standing there so cool and casual in the aftermath of it all. and then he goes “oh wait, you guys have money right, that means you can buy us the good sushi.” yes, Tomura. yes.

why I like it: um because this panel is fucking amazing?? hello?? do I really need to explain this one. the detail is jaw-dropping. he’s got the little scars which are either from the head wound that caused his death, or from his Noumufication. his expression is fucking heartbreaking, and the transition from Kumo to Kuro is so subtle and seamless, and yet it distinctly is both of them. this panel is gorgeous and fucking haunting and almost made me gasp when I first saw it.

why I like it: the decision to have the night sky take up so much of the space in the panel was [chef kiss]. nothing says existential like the night sky on a cold winter’s night.

why I like it: this is the best panel in the entire fucking series.

why I like it: dude. showing his actual family holding onto him with their hands in the same spot as the severed fashion!hands was a stroke of genius in and of itself. but combining that with the emotional tension of them desperately trying to hold him back and protect him from AFO?? that’s just so fucking smooth it’s almost inhuman. just how much meaning can you cram into a single image?? sometimes I wonder just how far in advance Horikoshi plans these things.

why I like it: guess I’m just a big fat sucker for panels of Tomura calmly standing around in the ruins of his own senseless destruction. the sense of scale on this one is really great, too. and yet again, those dust clouds. gotta love it.

why I like it: because Tomura literally appears out of nowhere, like he’s ripping a hole through the fabric of time and space. it’s so fucking sudden and he looks evil as FUCK, and Deku and Kacchan are totally caught off-guard, and it is scary. this is one of those panels that made me say “holy shit” out loud. in fact I practically screamed it. and the angles are all funky and weird, and the sky is all BLACK FOR NO REASON, and it really just feels like Tomura could reach right over and just MURDER THEM like it was nothing. just like that. this panel is so incredibly effective at conveying how hopelessly outclassed the boys are. they’re not even in his league, and it’s honestly terrifying.

and on that happy note, we have come to the end of my list of favorite panels! and I gotta say, it’s really gratifying that a good deal of them are from this year alone. I said it in another post a few days ago, but imo the overall quality of the series has been insanely high as of late, and it honestly just blows my mind whenever I stop to think about it. the art is still this good six years into the game. the story is still this good. we are spoiled goddammit.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #all might #endeavor #todoroki shouto #shigaraki tomura #horikoshi kouhei #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #asks #anon asks

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ollieofthebeholder · 4 years ago

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leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall): a TMA fanfic

Tumblr tag || Also on AO3.

Chapter 36: Martin

It’s an interesting weekend, to say the least, partly because of the startling news Sasha uncovered that Jonah Magnus isn’t the only avatar to attempt to extend his life (Jon Prime apologizes profusely for not telling them that, but Sasha points out that it wasn’t exactly important at the beginning and they have to discover some things for themselves) and partly because Tim tells them, Saturday night, that he thinks he’s got enough of a handle on his abilities that he can focus on a single person or object and not risk being blinded by anything else around them. He thinks he can control it. Jon is apprehensive, but agrees that if Tim really wants to test it, he’s willing to let him try a controlled test on Sunday.

They call Sasha, who turns up around teatime with the Primes. One by one they sit opposite Tim in the living room while he takes a deep breath, relaxes, and lets his eyes go slightly unfocused. For each one, he describes what he sees to them while Jon Prime jots down the notes for him, then passes the notebook to Martin so he can stand before Tim. They all know Jon Prime has been marked by all fourteen powers; Tim says he’s hoping to just get clarification on one or two colors he isn’t sure about. It’s apparently too much for him, though, especially since he’s done all the others first, and he passes out. He comes around fairly quickly, but he’s still weak and shaky and both Jon and Martin declare the test at an end. Tim doesn’t argue, but he also won’t go lie down on his own, and the Primes and Sasha quietly let themselves out so the other three can go to bed early.

He’s still a little shaky on Monday morning, but seems in good spirits. Jon hesitantly offers him one of the statements they’ve been saving for Jon Prime; Martin lets them argue for a couple minutes about the recordings before interrupting gently to ask, “Do you actually need to record it for it to count?”

“What?” both of them ask, turning to him in surprise.

Martin shrugs. “I mean…the recorders don’t belong to the Eye, right? So it’s not the act of actually recording them that feeds it. It’s just the reading of them. The…consumption, I guess? If you just go back into the shelves or into the Cavern of Secrets or whatever and read it out loud, that ought to be enough, right?”

Jon and Tim look at each other. “That’s…actually a good point,” Tim says finally. He holds out his hand, and Jon gives him the statement. “Be back in a bit. I hope.”

He brushes off their offers of help and half-staggers towards Document Storage. Jon watches him go, then turns to Martin. “How did you think of that?”

“They mentioned once that…” Martin glances upwards. It’s hard sometimes to be precise without actually mentioning the Primes, so he decides to take a risk and hope Elias’ attention is elsewhere. “Your counterpart used to go out and pounce people to get their statements. But he didn’t record them, just…listened to them. And since we really don’t know what’s actually behind the recorders, except that it isn’t what’s feeding us in return, it just makes sense that he doesn’t need to make it ‘official’ for it to count.”

“God, I never thought of it that way, but you’re right. We really do have a…symbiotic relationship with that thing.” Jon sighs heavily and runs a hand through his hair. “I really shouldn’t let you three read any of these statements, but…”

“I don’t think there’s anything to be done about that now, Jon. We’re too tightly connected to it. We could none of us ever deliberately use the abilities it gave us again and I bet there’d be just enough…accidental occurrences to weaken us until we died. Starving ourselves won’t starve it.”

“You might be right, but I don’t have to like it.” Jon brushes his hand against Martin’s and changes the subject. “What are you working on today?”

“Um, we found another statement involving that space station, so I was going to see what I could dig up on that.”

“Good. Just be careful. I’ve got another backlog of recordings to do.” Jon grimaces. “Make Tim take it easy.”

“Easier said than done, but okay.” Martin smiles.

It’s easier than he expects, honestly. Tim is at least pretending to take care of himself, so when Martin tells him that both he and Jon want him to be careful, and Sasha makes it unanimous, he does. Apart from Jan Kilbride’s statement, everything else they’re looking into is something they all know is false, but they have to go through the motions. It’s oddly soothing, in its own way. Most of the morning passes with the three of them simply murmuring to one another when they find something interesting or mocking obviously false statements.

Tim and Sasha have a standing lunch date every Monday, something they’ve apparently done since they were in Research; Martin joined them once or twice, back at the beginning of everything, but bowed out after a while. It’s not that he felt uncomfortable or unwelcome so much as it is he feels like that’s their thing and doesn’t want to intrude. He waves them out absently, a pen clenched between his teeth as he tries to winnow down the list of Jenny Mackintoshes to a reasonable number that might be the one mentioned in the statement, false though it may be—they have to be sure, after all.

Less than five minutes after they leave, Sasha’s desk phone rings. Technically it’s for the Archives as a whole, and it used to be on Jon’s desk, but since that’s where he does his recordings and the relatively infrequent ringing forced him to have to redo a number of them, Tim managed to sweet-talk someone into installing it out on the main floor. Sasha’s desk is just the one closest to the connection. The ringing sounds more like a doorbell than a phone, and Martin’s still not sure it actually connects to the outside. He leans over and snags the receiver. “Archives, Martin Blackwood speaking.”

“Hi, Martin, this is the front desk.” Manal, as always, sounds slightly apologetic for having interrupted him. “There’s a Ms. Melanie King here to see Mr. Sims.”

“Thanks, Manal, I’ll be right up.” Martin hangs up the phone and glances towards Jon’s closed office door, then decides to just go get Melanie and let Jon know when they get back, if it’s important.

The front area of the Institute is a bit hectic, which it usually is this time of day as people pass back and forth on their way to lunch. He dodges around a few people, murmuring an absent response to the greetings of a woman who could almost be Quentin Blake’s drawings of Miss Trunchbull brought to life if she was a nicer-sounding person, and makes his way over to the front desk. Melanie King stands there, coat still on her shoulders and arms folded over her chest, tapping a foot impatiently against the floor, scanning the room as Manal looks up at her in amazement and adoration. Martin bites back a grin and approaches. “Ms. King?”

Melanie turns to him, eyes narrowed, and studies him for a second. “You’re—Martin, right? You used to work in the library?”

“Yep, that’s me.” Martin’s kind of surprised she knows that. “Martin Blackwood. You need to talk to Jon?”

“Yeah. You’d think at this point I wouldn’t need an escort.” Melanie says the last part almost under her breath.

“You’d think, but Elias gets his knickers in a twist about the oddest things sometimes,” Martin says. It elicits a surprised giggle out of Manal, who quickly covers her mouth with one hand and glances at the steps that lead to the first floor, to Rosie’s office and then the Institute Head’s. Sound travels oddly up those stairs from time to time, and now that Martin knows why the Institute was built, that doesn’t surprise him anymore. “Right this way…thanks, Manal.”

To her credit, Melanie waits until they’re halfway down the stairs before she says, “Does her mummy know she’s skipping school?”

“She’s almost twenty,” Martin says, briefly counting back to make sure he’s adding her age up right. “Been working here a couple years. I don’t think she was all that good a student.” He’s also fairly certain she pulled herself out of an abusive home life, or at least a shitty one, but he’s not going to say that out loud.

Melanie looks tired, but also determined. Martin feels like he’s got a mouthful of seltzer and bites his tongue to keep from asking her if she’s okay or what’s wrong; he knows by now what it tastes like when there’s a statement in the offing, and he doesn’t want to accidentally pull it out of her before she’s ready, or before Jon is. Something about her eyes says she’s only going to want to make this official.

Something about the way she looks at her wrist—take that, Tim, I’m NOT the only person under the age of forty who still wears a wristwatch—says she’s in a hurry, so he asks, as neutrally as he can, “Got somewhere to be? We can go faster if you want.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ve got a plane to catch, but not for hours yet.” Melanie sighs. “No sense in breaking our necks over this.”

“Sure,” Martin says softly. A plane to catch. Ghost Hunt UK only investigates domestic hauntings—it’s right in their name, for Christ’s sake—and they’re on something of an indefinite hiatus anyway. Either Melanie is getting out of the country for a while, or she’s continuing her research on her own, and he’s not sure which outcome he’s hoping for.

Motioning for Melanie to wait once they reach the Archives, Martin pokes his head into the doorway of Jon’s office and waits until Jon looks up. Jon gives him a short nod, finishes reading the statement aloud, and pauses the recording. “Is everything okay? Tim—”

“Tim’s fine. He and Sasha left for lunch a few minutes ago,” Martin assures him. “It’s Melanie King, she’s back to talk to you. I…think you might need the tape recorder.”

“Ah.” Jon’s face goes through an interesting series of emotions that would make Martin smile in any other circumstances. “I…don’t know if you can sit in on this one, Martin, I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay. I’m going to finish up what I’m working on and then head out to lunch myself, if that’s all right with you?”

“That should be fine. I’ll run to the canteen when Tim and Sasha get back. Assuming Tim doesn’t try to foist leftovers on me.” Jon smiles. “Send her in.”

Martin ushers Melanie in and shuts the door behind her, then heads back to his desk. Oddly enough—or maybe not so oddly—the break seems to have done some good, because it’s a lot easier for him to winnow down the list, and before long he has five possible matches. He makes note of them, saves his work, and closes his laptop.

He can feel the edges of a migraine starting up, so he shakes out a couple aspirin tablets and swallows them with the last of his tea, wincing at the powdery drag down his throat. Just as he stands up and reaches for his jacket, Jon’s office door opens, and Melanie comes out, all but slamming it behind her. She’s obviously in a bad mood and Martin isn’t sure if it’s something Jon said or just her general irritation. Something in him, though, can’t leave it be. Not that he wants to know what’s causing the mood…just that he doesn’t want it to linger. Not if she’s about to leave the country.

“Melanie,” he calls.

She stops partway across the floor and turns to look at him, arms akimbo. “What?”

Martin holds up his jacket, feeling a little foolish. “I was just going out to grab lunch. Want to come along? There’s a little sandwich place a few minutes away that does some interesting things with turkey, if you like that sort of thing.”

Melanie blinks at him. “You’re asking…me…to go to lunch with you,” she says flatly.

“Yeah?” Martin makes a show of looking around the Archives. “You see anyone else around here I could be asking?”

“Why?”

“Because you look like you could use a friend?”

Melanie’s eyebrows draw together in a frown. Martin is about to elaborate when she says, seemingly apropos of nothing, “I’m a lesbian.”

“Great! I’m gay!” Martin blurts. “See, we have something in common already!”

Melanie actually cracks a smile at that, and her shoulders relax. It’s only then that Martin realizes she thought he was hitting on her and wants to smack himself with embarrassment. Before he can apologize, though, she shrugs. “Yeah, okay, why not?”

Martin manages a smile back, shrugs into his jacket, and leads her out the employee entrance rather than the main steps.

The morning’s haze has burned off, and it’s sunny without being too warm for comfort. Melanie keeps her hands in her pockets as she walks, her shoulders hunched forward. Watching her, Martin is more and more sure he’s making the right call. She was agitated when she got to the Institute and talking to Jon probably didn’t help. It so rarely does.

There’s something off about the sandwich shop when they get there, but Martin doesn’t know what it is until they step inside and see it liberally festooned in paper hearts and glitter-covered cupids. Both of them groan in unison.

“Want to go somewhere else?” Martin asks Melanie.

“God, yeah. Is there anywhere that won’t be doing…” Melanie waves a hand at the decorations. “This?”

“Um…” Martin tries to think. “Curry shop or a pub. Two blocks’ difference in either direction. Take your pick.”

“The pub. I’ll have plenty of chances for curry over the next…however long. And I could use a pint.”

Martin lets the door shut and turns to the right. “Heading to India, then?”

Melanie nods once, but offers nothing further. Martin lets it go for now.

It’s a workingman’s pub, nothing fancy or pretentious. When the team goes out for drinks—more frequently than they used to—this is the one they usually come to, partly because it’s not too expensive compared to some of the others and partly because the barman has a sense of humor as well as a sense of adventure and will make all sorts of weird mixed drinks for Tim. Also, the rest of the Institute prefers going to one of the more ostentatious, upscale places—the sort that cater to the tourists and the businessmen, really. This one’s quieter, which is just the way they like it. The owner, a man about Sasha’s height but closer to Martin’s weight called Pat, nods as they come in; Martin nods in reply, waves two fingers, then gestures at one of the tables. Pat throws him a casual salute in acknowledgment and points at the stack of single-sheet menus on the table by the door. Martin snags two and hands one to Melanie as they drop down in their seats.

Melanie grunts as she studies the list of daily specials. “I can’t think of anything worse than being single on Valentine’s Day.”

“Getting broken up with on Valentine’s Day,” Martin says dryly, also scanning the specials. “Don’t get the stew. It’s basically just last week’s leftovers. The meat pies should be all right, it being Monday and all.”

Melanie looks up at him in evident surprise, but when Pat comes over with their pints, she orders the pie. Once Pat lumbers off, she says, “Jesus, did that actually happen to you, or is that hypothetically speaking?”

“It was a few years ago, but yeah.” Truthfully, he’s always hated the holiday, dating back to when he was a child and lucky to get a generic card from a single classmate whose mother forced them to bring cards for the whole class. It wasn’t much better when he did start dating. By the time his mother waited until he got back from the disastrous date that culminated in his then-boyfriend storming out of the restaurant, leaving Martin with the check and no easy way home, to inform him she had decided to move into a care home effective immediately, he was pretty much over the whole concept.

“You’re well rid of him, then.” Melanie picks up her glass and stared at it. “Dated someone once who broke up with me three days before my birthday. Came back three months later, told me she was so sorry and wanted to give it another chance. I said yes. Like an idiot.”

Martin can’t help the bark of laughter that slips out. “Let me guess. Your birthday’s at the end of November?”

“Third of December. And I didn’t get it!” Melanie slaps her palm against the table. “She pulled the same stunt again that year, but this time I’d already bought her present. It was while I was returning it to the shop that it hit me she was breaking up with me to avoid all the gift-giving…stuff. God. Teenagers are so stupid sometimes.”

Martin raises his glass. “Cheers to that.”

Melanie clinks her glass against his, then takes a sip and relaxes back in her seat. “So…seriously. Why are you doing this?”

“Seriously, you looked like you could use a friend.” Martin takes a sip of his own beer. “And you looked kind of miserable. Didn’t want you going out of town like that.”

“Hmm.” Melanie studies him for a minute, then sets down her glass and holds out her hand across the table. “Melanie.”

“Martin.” Feeling a weird sort of relief, Martin accepts her hand and shakes it. They’re both smirking when they settle back. “How’d you get into doing Ghost Hunt UK, anyway?”

“Started back in uni. One of the buildings on campus was reputed to be haunted,” Melanie explains. “It was one of those stories that get told to first-year students at the beginning of term, you know? Everyone knew someone who knew someone who’d seen a ghost there. Either you believed it and stayed away from the building after dark, or you dismissed it as a story told to frighten gullible firsties.” She shrugs. “Me, I was somewhere in the middle. I was a lot more skeptical back then, you know? But I wasn’t ready to dismiss it altogether. I wanted proof.”

“So, what, you set up a hidden camera?” Martin asks.

Melanie shakes her head. “No, not exactly. I did research. Lots of it. I wanted to know if there’d really been a fire that someone was trapped in, or a student who jumped off the roof during finals week, or a murdered cleaning woman or whatever. And the thing was, there were a couple of events that tallied with some of the stories I’d heard, but, you know…”

“There’s still that question of whether or not it’s just got enough truth to be plausible so people stop looking.”

“Exactly! You get it. Anyway, I was studying Media and Communications, so when the opportunity came up to do our first student film project, I suggested to Andy—we were in the same class and he was my partner—that we do something regarding the alleged haunting. It was….um, actually, it was originally fiction. To be honest, I don’t think either of us really believed it at that point. But…well.”

Martin nods in understanding. “You found something, I take it?”

Melanie’s eyes sparkle. “Boy, did we ever. It turns out there were two ghosts. One of them was pretty harmless—the one that had jumped off the roof. Turned out it was a student who’d been on the verge of failing out and didn’t want to face his family. Mostly he didn’t appear, you’d just hear him crying in odd corners late at night, especially close to finals week. The other one…well, we weren’t quite sure which one she was, but she definitely didn’t die easy, and she wasn’t happy about it. We got some good stuff on camera and beat feet out of there. Our teacher complimented us on our brilliant script and asked how we’d done such good special effects, and…well, we kind of lied to her, but it worked out. After that I think we both knew we were going to make a career out of that. It was just such a thrill.”

She’s genuinely passionate about her work, Martin thinks, and it makes his heart ache for her that she’s not been able to do it for so long. “I talk with students sometimes—more when I worked up in the library, but one or two come down to use the Archives. Had more than a few cite Ghost Hunt UK as the reason they’re studying the paranormal.”

Melanie flushes. “Yeah, well…yeah.”

Pat brings their lunch about then. Martin’s about to prompt Melanie with another question when she throws one at him. “What about you? How’d you end up doing what you do?”

“Do you mean working at the Magnus Institute in general, or winding up in the Archives?”

“Either. Both. How’d you get interested in the paranormal?”

“Honestly? I just needed the job,” Martin admits. “My mum’s been…she’s been sick for a long time, but she suddenly got a lot worse. I was desperate for a job and the Institute was the only place that would hire me.”

“Oh.” Something in Melanie’s face changes. “I’m sorry. What—if it’s not too invasive, what’s…wrong with her?”

Martin shrugs, feeling the familiar prickle of uncertainty crawl up his spine. “Dunno. They’ve never quite been able to figure it out, actually? I’ve been given a big long list of what it isn’t. It’s not MS, it’s not Parkinson’s, it’s not ALS…and so on and so forth. At this point I’m prepared to say she’s got Liliana Blackwood’s Disease.”

Melanie winces. “God. That must be hell on both of you. The whole not-knowing thing.”

“Worse for me, honestly,” Martin says slowly. Something prickles in the back of his mind; he tries to shut out the feeling, but the Eye—he’s sure it’s the Eye—shoves it through his barrier like someone pushing an envelope under a door. “I think she has some idea what it might be, actually. Or why it suddenly got worse a few years ago. But I also kind of think maybe she enjoys it a little. The attention, anyway. Not the actual being…I-I mean, nobody wants their kid to have to take care of them like that.”

“Yeah,” Melanie says softly. “I don’t think my dad would have, either.”

Martin looks up sympathetically. “He was sick?”

“Dementia. Early onset. Mum took care of him until she died, and then—the job, and I just—I couldn’t be his full-time caretaker, and it wasn’t safe to have him at home alone. I had to put him in a home.” Melanie stares into her half-empty pint glass. “Wish I visited him more, before…”

“He stopped remembering you?” Martin asks gently.

Melanie shakes her head. “He remembered me up to the end, but he died a few years ago. I, uh…is your mother still at home or…?”

“No, she asked to go into a home a few years ago.” It’s a polite way of phrasing it. She hadn’t really asked so much as told him she was going.

“Then maybe you know about…not many people really paid attention when it happened. Even the crew at Ghost Hunt UK didn’t really…” Melanie hesitates, crumbling a bit of pie crust in between her thumb and forefinger. “Did you ever hear of a place called Ivy Meadows?”

Martin’s blood runs cold. “Oh, no.”

“Yeah,” Melanie agrees. “Dad was still there when it burned down. The official story was that it had closed down months before and all the patients transferred, but…I never quite got why they did that.” She sighs heavily.

“Corruption,” Martin says under his breath.

Melanie, unfortunately, hears him. “You’re saying the staff was corrupt?”

“No. Well, yes, but…” Martin hesitates. “Look, there’s…let’s just say someone connected to it made a statement to the Institute. It’s—it was a lot.”

“And you believe it?”

“Yeah. See…okay, look.” Martin picks up his glass and downs about half of what’s left in one go. He’s going to need it. “It’s a really long story, and I don’t think either of us have time for it right now, but…all of us who work in the Archives, we’ve got—we’ve developed these kind of…weird abilities. Powers, you might call them even. And one of them is that we can tell when a statement we’re listening to is something that actually happened—I mean, something that actually happened and really does have a supernatural or paranormal explanation—and something that’s fake or the result of a hallucination or anything like that.” He pauses. “It’s stronger for some of us than others, and we all get it in different ways.”

Melanie cocks her head at him. “Really.”

Martin nods. “Yeah, like—when I saw you at the front desk today? I knew you had a statement and I knew it was something that—uh—wouldn’t go on the laptop. You had to use the tape recorders, right? We only use those when it’s a proper spooky statement. Everything else will record digitally.”

Something about Melanie’s posture changes. “So that’s why he believed me.”

“Yep, that’s why,” Martin affirms. “If you want to know what we know about Ivy Meadows…I’ll tell you about it when you get back from India, maybe?”

“I don’t know that I will get back,” Melanie says frankly. She shrugs out of her coat and pulls aside the collar of her Ghost Hunt UK t-shirt, showing him a wicked-looking scar slashing down from her shoulder towards her heart. “These ghosts I’m chasing down are pretty nasty. It’s why I came to gave my statement—in case I get killed by one.” She lets the shirt fall back to its natural position. “I don’t want to die not knowing the truth. Go ahead and tell me.”

So Martin does. He keeps it as bare-bones as possible, but it takes a serious effort; the static gets louder in his mind and the pressure builds behind his eyes as Melanie gets paler and paler. The Eye wants her fear, and while Martin’s role is usually the comforter, the therapist, the let-it-all-out vent switch, in absence of anyone else to give Melanie the information to devastate her, it appears to be settling. Somehow, he manages to get away with telling her no more than the basics.

“Please don’t ask me for more details,” he mutters at last, breaking off a piece of the meat pie. “I won’t be able to not give them to you.”

Melanie visibly struggles to pull herself together, grief and rage mingling in her eyes as Martin tries to cope with the too-big bite he shoved in his mouth. Choking here in Pat’s pub wouldn’t be the most brilliant move in the world, but it was better than laying out someone else’s trauma to give Melanie more. He manages to swallow at last, about the time Melanie takes a deep breath and straightens.

“I want to see that file when I get back,” she says baldly.

“Deal. Anything to get you to actually make the effort,” Martin says pointedly.

Melanie looks slightly embarrassed. “I’m not suicidal.”

“No, but you don’t care if you die or not. I know what that looks like, Melanie. I’ve been there. You think you’ve got nothing left to live for and nothing to lose, so you’re willing to throw your life away on the off-chance it’ll improve things for someone else. The only difference is you’re not going to do it yourself.” Martin waits until she looks him in the eye, then says, “Whatever you’re looking into, Jon’s going to want to hear about it—we all are. I bet you want to know what’s going on at the Institute. And I really would like to actually get to be friends with you instead of—of speed-bonding or whatever we’re doing here.”

Melanie actually laughs at that. “Same, actually. Okay. Deal. I do my best to survive whatever’s waiting for me in India, and when I get back, drinks and I tell you all about it.”

“Sounds like a plan. Wait, here.” Martin grabs a pen out of his pocket—they seem to be almost as ubiquitous as the tape recorders these days—and scribbles his number on a napkin, then pushes it over to Melanie. “In case you need anything. Or just want to chat or whatever.”

“Thanks.” Melanie pulls out her own phone and types busily away at it. A moment later, Martin’s phone pings, and there’s a text from an unknown number: [Here’s mine back. Same deal.]

Martin saves the number and glances at the time to confirm he’s got time. “When does your flight leave?”

“Four. I’ve got to run home and grab my suitcase.” Melanie checks her own phone. “In fact, I should probably finish up eating here and call a cab.”

“Fair. I need to get back to work anyway.” Martin signals to Pat for the bill and hands over his card before Melanie can object. “It’s fine, seriously. I invited you, it’s my treat.”

“Fine, but the drinks are on me when I get back.”

“I accept those terms.”

Outside, Martin holds out his hand; Melanie starts to shake it, pauses, and then bypasses it and goes in for a hug. It startles him, but he hugs her back. In the back of his mind, he wonders when the last time someone touched her in a friendly manner was.

“Thank you,” she murmurs. “You’re right. It feels a lot better heading off with having spent time with—a friend.”

“Good.” Martin hugs her tighter for a second, then lets go as a cab pulls up. “Safe travels. Let me know when you get back.”

“I will. You be careful, too.” Melanie winks at him. “Good luck surviving Valentine’s Day.”

“Enjoy a year without it,” Martin snipes back. She actually laughs and waves before getting in the cab. He waits until it pulls out of sight, then starts the walk back to the Institute, feeling oddly better about a lot of things. It’s nice to have a friend. He just hopes she means what she says about being careful.

#ollie writes fanfic #leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall)#the magnus archives #tma #time travel fix it au #death mention tw #suicidal ideation tw #medical mention tw

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fuckyeahharryhart · 4 years ago

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PART 2 HARRY HART FAN FICTION Because they better give him a good story for the last Kingsman. In case they don’t, I wrote something myself.

PART 2

FAN FIC

KINGSMAN III: REDACTED

MULTI PART SERIES:(My version of Kingsman 3)

Harry Hart x Original Character

Warnings: Reference to violence

Word Count: 5,900

OVERVIEW: After the events of Kingsman, The Golden Circle, Harry, Eggsy and the rest of the survivors rebuild their agency to it’s former level of integrity. A new player arrives unexpectedly, carrying memories of the past that will change the future of Kingsman.

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Harry and Eggsy try to discover who this new players is, how they were at the right place and the right time, and what they know about kingsman. A marksman of that caliber isn't someone to take lightly.

------

Bloody hell. Harry's hand was still stinging with heated pain from having his key fob, of all bloody things, shot out of hand. His knee was out of sorts from dropping, face down, to the pavement. Hearing gunshots ring out from, not one, but two different directions did not improve his mood or his state of mind. Continuing to roll as he hit the ground, he switched to his side so he could draw his weapon. But first, he turned toward the direction of the original fire. That was the shooter who caught his interest. A marksman with the precision to shoot a key fob from that distance, within centimetres of his hand without (well without significant) injury was someone not to underestimate. He could make a shot like that. He had plenty of times at the Kingsman shooting range. But that was aiming at a non-moving target in a controlled environment, under the best of circumstances. The only other time he fired a shot that exacting was in Cambodia. While wrestling a certain Agent Whiskey for control of a firearm, he was able to free Eggsy from a lasso looped around his neck by shooting clean through the rope. He assumed landing that shot was 1/4 luck, 1/4 technique and 1/2 his sheer force of will.

Very few marksman possessed the natural talent, training and skill to land that shot. Even less in London proper and he was almost certain that all of those individuals even close to that level, were under Kingsman’s employ.

Under the cover of shadows and partially hidden by a gate column, he spotted the shooter. At the same time, the shooter spotted him and they made split second eye contact. Obviously, the shooter did not want to be witnessed judging from the displeased look that he had noted. But rather than ducking out of view, they kept their stance, provided cover fire until the area was cleared and the threat was gone. And then, without a moments hesitation, the person holstered their weapon and turned abruptly in the opposite direction and began to walk off with long, measured steps. He and Eggsy dusted themselves, gestured to the other, nodded and made off in opposite directions in the attempt to cut the person off at the path. As he smoothed down his suit and adjusted his cuffs, he was quite certain that he was never going to enjoy a peaceful evening again.

——

She didn’t waste valuable seconds checking her phone, grateful that she took the extra time to map her locations in her head. Quickly referring to her orientation, she saw three viable options. Directly in front of her was the Royal Academy. Though it was vast and beautiful and filled with courtyards and eaves, arches, doorways, ideal to drop a tail, it was also closed and quiet. There was no crowd to get lost in. A single person moving in that space would surely be noticed.

She weighed her two other options against each other. Both were about equal in distance. No more than a 10 min walk in either direction. To her right was Mayfair. Situated in the heart of the city, it was one of the most expensive and exclusive areas of London with swanky five-star hotels, shops, restaurants, bars and pubs. Bond Street was sure to be packed with people enjoying the nightlife. Perhaps in another lifetime she could enjoy an evening out in such a place. Not at the moment.

On the plus side, the streets were more random, intersecting at odd places, without the usual grid format. That gave her more exit options. They would less likely follow the same path. Downside, as much as she would enjoy an elegant evening out, she was not appropriately attired. Of course, there would be the usual strong of tourists and visitors that would be similarly inappropriately attired. Even though she would blend in with part of the crowd, she didn’t want to stand out in anyway. Plus, if she needed to tuck into a shop or a restaurant, she wanted to blend with the locals and not the tourists. And she wasn’t going to do that with her nondescript outfit. Or, she would find herself in a situation where someone would ask to take her jacket. She would have to politely refuse because of her shoulder holster and her gun. They would insist. Then it would become an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved. Awkward and uncomfortable would be hard NOT to notice.

A ten minute walk to her left would drop her in ever trendy Soho. A little louder, a little more rowdy and relaxed, Soho was more happy hour than cocktail hour. The way there would have more traffic, both car and pedestrian, but it was also more direct and brightly lit. More importantly, she would be able to blend with the locals, not just the tourists. Maybe even slip into a pub or bar for the glass of wine she so desperately could use. There would be more viable places to manuever, evade, and find cover. More opportunity to lose a tail. And less likely for a messy confrontation.

Though she didn’t stick around long enough, she was fairly certain that the two men were following her. She kept in mind that they were trained with the same skills and likely had the same natural talent and instincts as she did. Part of her plan was to move slightly against instinct, find the ideal move and then, proceed with something slightly different. But they had to be thinking the same thing.

Shit. The shooters might still be in the area. Depending on whether or not they had backup, if this was an isolated threat on a personal level or if was on an organisational level, she couldn’t be sure that the coast was clear in that direction. When in doubt, take precaution. There were too many unknowns, too many unanswered questions and her preference was to get away without further contact. Since she couldn’t do it clean, she wanted to avoid any additional messiness.

Typical, she thought, making her way through the last of the shoppers and the first of the evening revellers. At the moment she was making progress and feeling more in control of her circumstances, some prick with a gun comes in and has to spray bullets over all the blocks that she spent the last month building. With care and precision, she arranged and rearranged, stacking and re-stacking, until she had created a platform where she could make her move. All her variables were in place. She calculated the possible outcomes and was so close to having a plan. There was some satisfaction, knowing that she had put an equal damper on their scheme, but when success of their plan meant the death of two people, and her plans would only work if those two people were alive, It didn’t leave her much of a choice.

Evasion was as much about mindset as it was movement. She took a mental pause, reset her outlook. Plans only fail if you allowed them to fail. Plans change and hers just did. Focus on clearing out first and then she could regroup and consider her options. If she let her frustrations distract her, she would end up missing details and she had not come this far to make bad decisions. Even in the smallest circumstances, she learned how to turn off emotions, cutting off thoughts and inconvenient emotions. Unfortunately, it was usually the thoughts about the situation she was in, that caused troubling emotions, such as her frustration at the turn of events. But if she walled off those thoughts for the time being, she would be more likely to operate with logic and clarity.

To her advantage, she had a head start, she knew the situation she was dealing with, two known variables on her tail, one unknown threat that could possibly be armed and still in the area. Likely, all three of them knew the area so there was no upper hand in that case. Two would be on foot, probably split to cover more area. It was to her disadvantage that there were two of them, but would be easier to confront them individually if it came to that.

She assumed that they also saw her as a threat. Regardless whether or not her actions had saved their lives, she was still an unknown, an armed and dangerous, one at that. She had to expect hostility, possibly aggression if confronted. It was a situation she would prefer to avoid.

Her steps were light and relaxed. She paced herself neither too fast, nor too slow. Rushing would call attention. She avoided looking around overtly, but she used her periphery to scan the people and places around her. On the plus side, two handsome men in Saville Row bespoke would definitely turn heads. Especially the tall one, who stood inches over the average person. They couldn’t take off their suit coats either. Not with their own weapons and shoulder holsters.

She took a quick left off the main road. A few blocks over and then she could make another turn toward Soho and break up the straight line she was currently traveling. Maybe stop in Central for a quick diversion. Stay on the move. Be aware of her surroundings. Those were her two priorities. Casually checking her 360 along the way by using any reflections she saw, footsteps, noises she heard, neck stretching every few steps to check blind spots. And for a little while, she did just fine.

That is, until she found herself caught in a standing rear choke hold. Fuck.

———

Wherever the hell this person had materialised from, Harry thought, these were not the customs of a novice agent. From weaponry, tactics and evasion, their actions were one hundred percent on point. They should be only a suggestion in the wind by now. The single reason he was able to catch them unaware was because of new Kingsman tech. Just developed, airborne nano GPS trackers. Designed to mark a large group of targets from a distance, they were tiny particles, almost invisible by the naked eye. Programmed to navigate toward the wavelengths of infrared radiation emitted by the human body, specifically at the signature of 12 micron. Best for outdoor use, or in large open spaces, these capsules were broken and released into the air where the prevailing wind would transport the nano GPS transmitters and attach to the nearest known radiation signature. The tracking range could vary depending on the windspeed, air density and how many capsules were released. They were handy to track large crowd movement, not typically used to track a single person. But it was all he had on hand. Since the street was empty at the time, they had a good chance that some GPS attached. Using the process of elimination to rule out unintentional attachments, they could isolated the movement they were looking for. They were looking for someone who moved like a spy.

This person, whoever they were, made all of the decisions that he would have and then added some surprise evasion tactics that he wouldn’t have thought of. They surely would have gotten away if not for the trackers. It wasn’t absolutely necessary that they locate the person. But they were an unknown entity. He wasn’t sure if they were an adversary, an ally, or a neutral player. Neutral players were not known for being experts at tradecraft. That left adversary or ally. With the events of the past two years and the most recent destruction of Kingsman by the Golden Circle, unanswered questions usually returned on their own, carrying an unfavourable answer. Granted, the person saved their lives, but they already knew too much of Kingsman. Knew of threats of which Kingsman was not aware. So when chance invited him to make a move, to quietly sneak behind the person at the last second, he took it.

——

This is not why I spent four weeks planning, she fumed silently. Her mood was grim. Of course it would be at this exact moment that she registered the slightest contact from behind, like a passing breeze brushing against her. But she knew displaced air when she felt it. Based on her position, facing forward, added to the position he was in, directly behind her, also facing forward, that would have to equal a rear standing choke hold. Instantly, she countered, dropping her chin to her chest like it belonged there, denying him the chance to press his forearm against the front of her neck. A chokehold had two purposes, either to crush the windpipe, resulting in death. Not the outcome she was looking for. Or, to cut off blood to the brain via the carotid artery, leaving her unconscious. Which wasn’t much of a consolation prize. Either way, she had just about 12 seconds to act. Since both options were less than desirable, she shielded her throat as best she could and waited for the window were she could counter like a small, but fierce animal.

The strength of his grip said that he wasn’t going for either option, but told her he using the hold as a restraint. So, she had that going for her, she thought darkly. Yet, he still had the capacity to follow through on either option. There was no give to his grip. Twisting out of the hold was not an option without more leeway. Not one to be held in a vulnerable position, her goal was to escape. Several ways presented themselves, few of which incorporated an unrestrained elbow or kick to the groin. Her aim was not to incapacitate, regardless of how satisfying that may be, but to extricate herself.

Based on sheer size and strength, she was highly disadvantaged. But, as a woman in the field, only relying on your strength, you’d get beaten every time. Women didn’t have to fight harder. They had to fight smarter. Not only did she have to use her size and weight to her advantage, she had to use his size and strength against him. With the obvious discrepancy in height, not that she was short. Five foot nine made her taller than average, but at 6’ 2”, he was also taller than average. Her best option? Leverage. Literally. Use him as lever. It was the move where he would be at a disadvantage and she would have the clear advantage. There was some consolation to be found, knowing they were also expert spies, but not enough to spare herself the embarrassment of being caught. Summoning her nerve, one deep inhalation, she thought, and she would be ready.

He smells nice.

The thought landed without warning. It didn’t merely land. It hit her. It hit her hard and with feeling. Her concentration stuttered. It was the scent of wood, leather, spices and a hint of something warm, rich and slightly sweet, like a velvety dark chocolate. And then there was a breath of something unexpected. A note she couldn’t identify. It was him, she realised. That was his smell. It was a good smell. A masculine smell. She was suddenly aware of his wool suit against her chin. She noticed the pinstripes against a navy as dark as the sky. The crisp white of his French shirt cuffs and the gold of his cufflinks that held them in place.

Her senses were wide open. They always were on hyperdrive when she was out in the field. That was expected. She relied on them to send her signs that she didn’t have the time to look for. But now, they were receiving all the wrong signals and sending all the wrong messages. Intensely. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the shadow of his hand. His large, wide palm was warm on the back of her neck. By pressing her neck forward and down, it was this hand that locked the chokehold in place.

What the hell? she thought. She felt the strength of his forearms underneath her own palms. Her hands were gripping him so tightly she could feel the cords of muscle through his sleeve. Suddenly, her body became all too aware of his own. The sensation of him, the entire length of his body against hers, awakened her own. He wasn’t just standing behind her, he was bearing the whole of his body into hers. Thus, she was counter balancing with equal force. Generating heat and pressure between them. Realising how close, how intimate, how physical, literally, their contact was at that moment, overwhelmed her reason, her logic, her objectivity. And most of all, she was aware of the man behind her. Not as a target, or a mark, or a tail or a problem to be solved. It was him. It was Harry Hart.

He must have sensed a slight shift in her energy because once that random, startling thought struck home, she didn’t dare move until she knew where it was heading and what she was going to do with it. She probably stopped breathing. Maybe that’s what he noticed because all of a sudden she felt dizzy and lightheaded. Maybe he was holding her a little tighter than she thought. He must have noticed a change because just as suddenly, his grip loosed by a fraction, not enough to escape, but enough to jar her back to the present. He was confusing her and she was angry at being confused.

She was on pause and someone had just hit the reset button. Instantly, she made her next move and she went into action fully committed. There was no hesitation in a move like this. To her advantage, their height difference meant that he had to lean down slightly to get his forearm around her neck, which shifted his center of gravity slightly forward. With his tight grip, she pushed against it, creating the energy of opposing forces to gain momentum. With her neck guarded by her chin, she quickly dropped down to one knee, gripped tightly onto his wrists and forearms, leaned back into him to get the tiniest bit of additional momentum, and then bent forward as sharply as she could from her waist, throwing the full force of her weight into the move and tucking in as tight as possible. Sure enough, with his weight already off center, using her body as a fulcrum, a pivot point, and using his height as a lever, she forced him to tumble over her head.

Normally, after a move such as this, that put her at a tactically advantageous position, she would either evade or go in for an attack move and neutralise the threat. This was not the way she wanted to introduce herself to these two men, but it looked like fate wasn’t giving her any options. She was not prepared for this situation. She didn’t have claim over the next move. It could be either of theirs. Brushing her hair away from her eyes, she cursed herself for not having a hair tie, of all things. She paused for a moment. Her cap got knocked off during her manoeuvre. Wonderful, all these identifiers, now facial features, and the damn hair. She should handover her passport and smartphone and just get it over with. How did this evening turn so sideways?

She took a mental pause. Footsteps. His colleague. Who didn’t know what he was walking into. She quite certain it did not look like afternoon tea.

When she heard the brushing noise of a weapon being pulled out of its holster she went back on high alert. They had most definitely past the “direct contact” portion of the evening. As much as she did not want to do them harm, she was more than willing to talk, she equally, did not want to be on the interrogation end of a gun. She had another split second to decide her course of action. Two was much more complicated.

All three of them knew the rules of weaponry in the field and in engagement. Never pull a gun in a circumstance you’re not willing to use it. Never aim at a target you’re not willing to shoot. It wouldn’t have been her first choice, but when she had a lethal weapon aimed in her direction, it left her with few options.

She never had an opportunity to use it before, but it was ideal for this circumstance and what she had planned. She palmed her carbonfiber graphene tactical knife, short, less than 5”in length, from its discreet sleeve at her hip. It’s description stated, “A device for specific close quarters combat manoeuvres in very focused special circumstance scenarios with high impact.” This circumstance would fall under that category, she thought.

The upper hand was all she needed to gain, to have a moment where they would be forced to listen to her. Grace, eloquence… She tossed those out the proverbial window. Her words would have the hardest strike. The most impact. Not her knife, not her gun, not any weapon. Now was not the time for finesse. Once again, she had to turn shitty odds in her favours before the man she just flipped could reorient himself. She wanted to be sorry that it had come to this, but she was just making her counter move. It didn’t matter if it was personal or not. This part, at least for her, was the business aspect of her work. Similar to negotiating a deal, but using weapons and lives as bargaining points.

The knife firmly in her grip, she raised the blade and held its lethal edge against his carotid artery with enough pressure to be VERY uncomfortable, and almost, but not break skin. He was smart and followed the direction guided by pressure of her blade hand and rose with her to a standing position. She stood behind him, angled slightly toward one side. He knew that any counter move on his part, which there were many he could take, and in this case his strength and mass would be at his advantage. She was in a very vulnerable physical position and he could take her down easily. If it weren’t for the knife at the side of his neck. The blade was very small, very light and most of all, it was very, very sharp and designed for close, personal combat. Easy to handle, low pressure point. Which meant, whether or not his move disabled her he would, no doubt, be pulling away with nothing less than a very serious neck wound.

“Stop.” she called out firmly. “Gun down on the ground.”

The man who was under her knife, indicated, Do what she says.

He placed his gun on the ground and stood with his hands in the air.

She knew he was weighing his options, just as she did her own.

Her voice was clear and just loud enough so he could hear her where he stood.

Seriously, like this was what she needed. Did they really have to go through all this fuss? Spies could be exhausting.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

She kept her voice conversational. Of no consequence or concern and certainly not threatening.

“Do you have enough time to disarm me and get help for your friend, Harry, before he bleeds out?”

She felt the slightest flinch when he heard the sound of his name. Not Arthur or Galahad. His given name.

“You’re quite fast, Eggsy, but not that fast.”

Now Eggsy’s turn as his eyes narrowed both suspicious and surprised. Not Galahad. Not even Gary, but Eggsy.

Ok, making progress, she thought. She had just shown her first card. She knew exactly who they were. Not just their code names. Their real ones.

To drive her point home. “Just the tiniest amount of pressure on his carotid artery, thats all I need. 68 seconds until he loses consciousness. My knife, which you probably can’t see from where you are standing, but he can certainly feel,” she nodded her head toward Harry, “is designed to pierce fast and deep. If I had a regular blade, he might come out clean, but not with this one. Please, sincerely, think twice, for his sake, about making any sudden movements.”

Good. Neither of them made an attempt to move. Not even a twinge. She continued. She didn’t know how long the odds would be in her favour. At this point, she was playing fast and loose. Something she rarely did and she was not used to. One of her biggest strengths was her ability to prepare. This was not a scenario that she had imagined.

“I know either of you could disable me, but not without me doing a fair amount of damage first.”

It wouldn’t be her first choice to do harm, but she was in no mood for additional fuckery and she wanted to make it abundantly clear that, though she was no match for them in terms of brute strength, she had plenty of ways to dominate a fight using strategy. She wasn’t stronger, but she could be smarter. She wasn’t above shedding blood to prove that she was not to be underestimated.

“I didn’t start this fight, but I’m more than happy to finish it.”

She added, “You see how well trained I am. You should be asking yourself why i haven’t killed him, or either of you, already.”

Did they really have to be so obstinate? Obstreperous. Truculent? They should have been asking themselves that question after she took the first shot. They could very easily be dead right now if it were not for her. She needed to prove to them she was not a threat to their lives. Against all of her training, she laid her second card down.

“And ask yourself,” she repeated. “perhaps why, then, I would let him go.”

Very carefully, very slowly, and very deliberately, she softened the pressure against his neck until the blade was no longer making contact. She continued to draw it far away from him, far enough to clear so not to do any damage, before she began to lower it. She took a few steps back, hands up, the knife still visible in her right, but with a carry hold, not an active grip.

Imagine her surprise when Harry turned on her, twisted her wrist until she had to drop the knife. Not without force. She resisted the split second she saw what was happening. She knew in this case, she didn’t have an immediate out, but that didn’t mean she had to make it easy for him. Rather than conserving her energy, she fought him and fought him with force, until she saw his face grimace with the effort.

Good, she thought.

She made some pretty satisfying contact before he was able to push her all the way back against the red brick warehouse. The wall gave her less room to maneuver. She landed one last, very satisfying kick to his shin. It wasn’t a fancy move. There was no technique involved. She just put all her grit behind that single kick and the connection she made was very gratifying, despite her situation. She hoped it left huge bruise to remember her by. It was obviously painful and hurt him enough that he shoved her away fairly hard. The back of her head knocked into the bricks with a force that she wouldn’t have considered gentlemanly.

Well, she did have a knife to his carotid just a few moments ago, she countered. She supposed turn about was fair play. This time, he was able to get his forearm across her throat and braced his right wrist with the circle of his left hand. Standing arm bar hold. She had no counter this time, seeing since Eggsy had his gun again and it being much harder to escape a bullet than a choke hold. So, that move did not have the impact that she thought it would.

She knew they had to have this conversation, but she was pissed. At them, but she admitted, begrudgingly, that she was mostly pissed at herself for letting her guard down. To be fair, they really had no idea who she was. And until they did, she would remain a threat. But she still had one more card. She was just waiting for the chance to use it.

——

What the bloody fuck had just happened? Harry Hart was not one to get caught off guard. But he was miffed that it happened this evening. Not only once, but three bloody times, and he had just quite enough of whatever fuckery was happening around him. First, the key fob, then the chokehold, then the bloody knife. Well, my dear, he thought, two can play this game. He wasn’t above fighting dirty. Sometimes the situation insisted on it. It seemed as if this was one of those times.

As soon as she let down her guard sufficiently enough for him to act, he twisted her arm, forcing her to drop the knife. But she wasn’t making things easier for him, or for herself, for that matter. Even though he clearly had the upper hand, she fought him the entire time. She, too, apparently wasn’t above a little dirty dealing when she landed a kick to his shin. A very hard, directed kick, not meant to disable, not in an attempt to escape, a kick just purely meant to cause him pain. A bit more than cheeky. He finally pushed her, maybe just a tad harder than he anticipated, until her head knocked back and hit the warehouse wall behind her. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Eggsy had taken the opportunity to retrieve his gun and provide cover. Her eyes quickly darted in the same direction, confirmed the same thing that he saw and then stared at him furiously. Whether the fury was directed toward him or to her change in circumstance, most likely both, he could not be certain.

Making sure his arm bar would prevent any further roughhousing, Harry spoke, adopting almost the same conversational tone as she had. She wasn’t sure if he was matching her tone to respect her or mock her. This time she felt free to show as much aggression as she felt like. There was no consequence at this point. She tossed her damn hair out of her face.

——

As she flipped her hair to the side, Harry, by instinct, began to document her features so, if needed, he could provide a detailed description of her should it ever become necessary. Tall, 5’ 8 1/2 - 9. Slim build, but athletic, lean muscular rather than simply thin. Age was hard to determine, she looked both very young, but her eyes, they were both wise and melancholy. A look that only came with time and experience. Her eyes seemed to say that they had already seen too much. She was anywhere from mid twenties to mid thirties. He noticed that her eyes were grey. Grey, and they had a slight almond shape to them. Tilted just enough to give her an air of mystery. Dark lashes, dark hair and much of it. Long. Wavy. It was shiny and looked very soft. Dusky fair skin with just an undertone of warm olive. Cheeks pink, with displeasure, he thought, or embarrassment, certainly not because she was flattered by the attention. Her mouth was small and delicate, her lips pressed together in a firm line. Also pink. She was quite becoming. Beautiful even. He tried to determine her ethnicity, but found himself unable to place her exotic, yet subtle, delicate features.

Harry caught himself. He wasn’t just documenting her features. It wasn’t bloody like him.These were not the most appropriate thoughts for the moment.

She noticed him noticing her. She didn’t know what he was noticing, so she grew even more frustrated. She obviously didn’t care about keeping her expressions to herself any longer. It was quite loud and clear what she was thinking. It was written all over her face.

He came back to his words. In his calm, deep voice, he asked her three simple questions.

“Who are you? Who do you work for, and why did you shoot at us?”

A firm set to her jaw and with equal composure, she answered his questions without hesitation, but in her own order.

“I” she emphasised, “didn’t shoot at you.” she added under her breath, “I was aiming for your key fob.”

“I work for no one.” She halted, her eyes pulling their full attention to hers.

She laid down her last card.

“My name is Gwendolyn Mycroft.” she took a meaningful pause. “My father saved your lives.”

Glancing between the two of them, she saw that, as she intended, she had hit home. She added.

‘So, I suggest you release me, and let us go to a place where we can discuss this in a more civilised manner.”

She saw that both of the men were in a state of shock. She could understand. The evening hadn’t gone the way she expected either. She waited for a response that was something other than a blank stare.

“Do you like scotch?” Eggsy asked.

Well, that was a good of a start as any.

-----

If you made it this far, Thanks for reading!! Comments, questions, likes are always appreciated. Always feel free to reblog.

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thebluelemontree · 5 years ago

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I was just doing a AGOT re-read and I (though other people probably noticed it too) found something interesting. In Sansa I AGOT, she reveals what she likes in a husband: "... tall and handsome and strong, with hair like gold." In comparison, in ASOS it becomes: "tall and strong." There's no mention of "handsome." Is this Sansa merely growing and becoming less trustworthy about looks (something suggested in her TWOW preview chap. wrt Harry) or could this also be connected to Sandor? Thank you!

She’s gradually maturing and developing a more complex view of appearance, attraction, and character.

Ser Harrold Hardyng looked every inch a lord-in-waiting; clean-limbed and handsome, straight as a lance, hard with muscle. Men old enough to have known Jon Arryn in his youth said Ser Harrold had his look, she knew. He had a mop of sandy blond hair, pale blue eyes, an aquiline nose. Joffrey was comely too, though, she reminded herself. A comely monster, that’s what he was. Little Lord Tyrion was kinder, twisted though he was. – Alayne I, TWOW.

It’s not as simple as her thinking a pretty face always conceals a rotten core. Or that ugly people are more trustworthy. What’s under the surface must be uncovered and looked at no matter who it is. How could she know Tyrion was kinder than other Lannisters without seeing for herself his demonstrations of kindness? In the misery of their forced marriage and everything that happened, Lannister promises rightfully meant dick to her. It wasn’t his words, but his actions that gave Sansa more insight into his true character, as complicated as Tyrion is. It’s no small feat because Sansa’s view of him is also sometimes colored by the ableist ideas she was brought up with, and they are terrible at communicating with each other. She can see that there was a good man genuinely trying to do right by her inside the deeply troubled, misguided one who was also her enemy. Tyrion has his noblest moments when he isn’t trying to get her to warm to him. It’s when he’s standing up to Joffrey to protect her, which Sansa remembers most about him in hindsight. I do kinda think she means “twisted” in more ways than just his physicality because she does seem to get that he’s carrying a lot of trauma without knowing all the details and the exact extent. And how could she know Joffrey was a monster until the veil was torn from her eyes? There’s a huge difference between seeing Joffrey as a 13-year-old spoiled brat with an ego and mean streak in AGOT, and then realizing it’s way more than that when he orders Ned’s execution. No one saw the burgeoning sadist and murderer until it was all out there in the open.

In the sample chapter, we do see her testing Harry’s honesty and prying him open with questions to find out what kind of man he is in regards to his past relationships and his bastard children. That’s after their first meeting when he was rude to her. She’s had enough experience with Sandor and Tyrion to know that under a prickly exterior can sometimes be a lot of pain, so she is giving him another shot despite the rocky start. And Harry does sort of have legitimate reasons to be wary or resentful of this potential match with Littlefinger’s daughter. She does end up getting to know some of the real Harry, such as he is. The best she can say about him is that he has nice teeth. He’s not an evil monster, but his looks are about the only thing to recommend him, which is saying Harry is very lacking in substance. He’s actually a pretty typical overprivileged young man of his class, that includes being an irresponsible cad where women are concerned. He’s got some traits in common with both Loras (his beauty) and Sandor (his bluntness), but none of their better qualities. At least those two know how to be faithful. Girls are brought up to look the other way with their husband’s infidelity, so as long as he doesn’t bring his mistresses or bastards home. Wives are supposed to be satisfied with the stability and status of the marriage, and if all they have in common is the love of the children, well that’s a successful marriage in Westeros. And what Sansa really wants is to go home, but if she’s got to suffer being married to this buffoon to do that, well, I don’t blame her for trying to find something, anything, about him she can get down with. She doesn’t even seem to be that impressed with his looks either, and he does totally fit the bill of tall, strong, and blonde bridegroom.

This is completely the opposite of how she first felt about Joffrey in early AGOT. She admitted she didn’t know him, but she felt she was already in love with him. He’s a handsome prince straight out of central casting, and the songs told her he was GoodTM. Her main focus was bending over backward to conform to what Joffrey likes. If Joffrey wants to go riding, suddenly she says she loves to ride when she very well doesn’t. The difference in TWOW is that she isn’t blinded by Harry’s looks, and she wants to get to know him herself before deciding how she feels about him. And no taking ANY shit from him either. No free passes for pretty faces; however, she’s also gives Harry a fair chance to redeem himself from their first encounter.

Sansa is allowed to take into consideration Harry’s attractiveness to her if there’s a possibility of spending the rest of her life with him. It’s not a bad thing or shallow to want to be attracted to your partner. A large part of her arc has been figuring out and accepting her evolving preferences in romantic partners. Sandor is not the kind of guy a nice girl is supposed to like. She’s also at that age of having feelings she’s not yet ready to deal with. Having chemistry with someone can definitely increase their overall attractiveness, even if they aren’t conventionally handsome or beautiful.

In Clash, she still thinks of Sandor as objectively ugly; however, when she really thinks about it, she realizes it’s his anger and harshness that she dislikes most. But she also admits that she likes some of that ferocity in his personality. Since she knows the origin of his disfigurement, there’s compassion for the trauma he suffered. They have intimacy. He’s a protector and an ally that she can rely on to be honest with her. She can vent at him. There’s a thing between them in spite of telling herself that he’s ugly or that he’s mean or that it’s Loras that is her ideal love interest. How can she think about kissing Sandor in such florid detail when Ser Loras exists??? How does that make any sense? It takes until Feast before she just accepts that Loras felt nothing for her and they had no real connection. Her attraction to him is no longer enough to maintain the fantasy. She can let that go without any sorrow or disappointment because she’s been growing up and moving past it before she’s even really conscious of it. Her thoughts immediately turn to the kiss given by someone she knows had genuine feelings for her as a person. She finally accepts that Sandor is attractive to her, they have chemistry, and that’s all there really is to it. It doesn’t need to make any sense beyond people just wanting who they want.

Could she still get the “tall and strong” cloaking she always wanted in the end? Sure, but I think those qualities could be more incidental rather than something she’s going to be focused on. It’s going to matter so much more if the guy cloaking her is someone she loves and who loves her for herself. To even get to freely choose a marriage for love is an outcome that would be pretty hard earned by this point. It’s not really about the ideal, it’s about what’s real.

#sansan meta #sansa stark meta #harrold hardyng #sandor clegane #tyrion lannister #cloaking ceremony #sansan #character development in asoiaf #anonymous #my meta

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a-long-walk-in-the-forest · 4 years ago

Text

Astrology guesses for Sasuke pt-2

I personally don’t have the best (or in anyway complete) grasp on practically any of the characters, specially Sasuke (despite him being my favorite character). Also I would appreciate it if shippers stay away from this particular post.

With that out of the way, lets talk about pluto. (incomplete, will edit later)

Pluto is a generational planet so in order to discuss it, we need to take into account generational themes and also note that the theme associated with the sign it is in will be present throughout the generation (keep in mind that the transformation wont necessarily be successful but it will be a theme). In order to have an easier time with this and narrow down our options I will start with natal house placements and potential house overlays and aspects. Afterwards we will have a look at the time line and transformational themes across generations. We might not come to one definite conclusion.

I have no doubt that Sasuke has pluto in harsh aspect to his personal planets. I say this because not only is he often seen as a scorpio by viewers but all his significant relationships are plutonian in nature and everyone is out to control him. Pluto is generational while personal placements aren’t which means That it makes sense for a whole generation (from itachi to naruto) to be so obsessive, manipulative and controlling towards him (or at least be inclined to do so).

If we go by my guesses in pt-1 of this series, we have 4 main signs to start with.

aquarius -> naruto = 7th, sasuke = 1st

leo -> naruto = 1st, sasuke = 7th

taurus -> naruto = 10th, sasuke = 4th

scorpio -> naruto = 4th, sasuke = 10th

I’ll jot down the potential aspects to sasuke’s personal planets bellow and then we will get to natal and synastry interpretations for both aspects and house placements. The ascendant ones are out of sign and are possible but not certain also the moon and mercury ones wont necessarily be both (could only be one) but the 1st decan ones (other than ascendant) would be at the same time and would exist if pluto is there. Another thing to note is that it is possible for his mars to be in the 3rd decan instead of the 1st (opposite his moon instead of square his sun and saturn but still in 10th) therefore for a more comprehensive exploration we will have a look at alternative possibilities in later posts, if possible.

pluto in aquarius (1st decan) -> opposite sun, square mars, conjunct asc

pluto in aquarius (2nd or 3rd decan) -> square moon, opposite mercury

pluto in leo (1st decan) -> conjunct sun, square mars, opposite asc

pluto in leo (2nd or 3rd decan) ->square moon, conjunct mercury

pluto in taurus (1st decan) -> square sun, opposite mars, square asc

pluto in taurus (2nd or 3rd decan) -> conjunct moon, square mercury

pluto in scorpio (1st decan) -> square sun, conjunct mars, square asc

pluto in scorpio (2nd or 3rd decan) -> opposite moon, square mercury

I’ll lay down the information first and then discuss my personal opinion on the subject.

Here are some short descriptions for pluto in the houses (natal) from cafe astrology:

1st->

You radiate intensity, and others’ first impressions of you tend to be strong, one way or the other. You might often intimidate others with your manner. You can be very protective of your privacy, yet you generate much intrigue and interest with your strong presence. You might struggle with fears of being overpowered, rejected, or minimized, yet few are able to guess that you could be anything less than confident. Your first instinct in new situations is gutsy and determined, defensive and intense. You rarely accept the obvious or the surface of matters — instead you look through situations in order to read any information on hidden levels. Strive to avoid getting your back up or viewing life as a battleground.

7th->

With Pluto in the seventh house of the horoscope, power struggles in close personal relationships are themes. This can play out in a variety of ways. You might simultaneously fear and desire complete absorption in a close one-to-one relationship. You might find yourself both drawn to and resistant of close partnerships, fearing loss of control over your own life. You might be drawn to people who are intense, jealous, possessive, or obsessive, or possibly who you feel are powerful. On the other hand, your own resistance can bring out control issues in a partner, who fears the loss of you or your betrayal. In fact, you might bring out the “worst” in others by your relationship behavior — you tend to be the catalyst for others to discover their more primal instincts and fears. Never underestimate your role in this interplay, and don’t make the mistake of thinking that you are simply a victim. You also discover your own power through your relationships, and this may or may not be comfortable. How you deal with it determines outcomes. You might feel trapped in a difficult relationship, or have a hard time finding the deep connection that you crave. Obsession in your interactions with partners can be a big theme in your life. Watch that you don’t project your own urge for control onto your partner. Strive to come to terms with your own intense and deep-seated fear of losing someone you love and fear of betrayal, or you will meet these energies repeatedly in your closest relationships.

4th->

Early experiences may have led you to feel self-protective or to be secretive about yourself. A parent might have been secretive or ashamed, for example, and this pattern is deeply ingrained in your psyche. You might feel a sense of guilt for where you came from, even if most of you feel proud of your roots. A parent might have encouraged you to look beyond the surface of matters, and might have encouraged in you a love for psychology. A parent might have been very protective of you and attempted to shield you from negative experiences, and you subsequently grew to fear change. Or, your early experiences might have included a shocking, intense, or scary event that lives within you. Alternatively, you might have absorbed the strong fears or obsessions of a parent.

10th->

There is something very unique about you that makes you stand out from the crowd. Your ambition may be well-developed, or you pursue your goals with great focus and determination. You might have a strong interest in research, making improvements, understanding how things work, and transformation and these are qualities that you use most notably in your career or in your dealings with the public. Some of you could have a parent who is/was quite driven or work(ed) in healing or research professions. Your personal presence is strong, and you may find that you might inspire love-hate reactions as a result, particularly in your professional experiences. Nevertheless, you can be very persuasive when you choose to be. You have an especially strong sense of commitment and responsibility, but you are unafraid of going against the grain or bucking traditions if you feel they are outdated. Sometimes with this position, there are deep issues that need to be confronted revolving around the relationship with the father. Many of you are perfectionists and especially detail-oriented, particularly on a professional level. You tend to naturally take the lead, and you don’t always enjoy being in the position of a subordinate.

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Now lets write a basic interpretation for natal aspects:

-sun

conjunction:

The need to shine, be seen or be the center of attention, is integral to the multi-life empowerment journey. A person with this aspect is learning about empowerment through developing and expressing creativity, being willing to have and share opinions, and generally take up space and be noticed. A major need is to leave a personal mark on the world.

The disempowerment in many lifetimes involves not being seen, having the voice shouted over or lost in a crowd, power struggles with others possessing strong egos, pride, self-aggrandizement, arrogance, and needing but not getting attention or recognition. This person will have a strong (and perhaps dominant) personality whether he or she likes it or not, and past pain that has festered into anger may be very obvious. Alternatively, the person might try to hide his or her ego or creativity in an effort to avoid being seen or competed with, as that has been a source of difficulty in many lifetimes.

square:

The person’s empowerment path over many lifetimes has been criticized, pressured, or been in friction with others with strong personalities and egos. The chart holder is learning about egoic energy through pressure to change from those with charisma, creative streaks, and social status (popular). The pressure might come from a leader, or someone else others orbit.

Disempowerment in many lifetimes can come from being shamed, teased in public, controlled, dominated, coercion or being forced into doing something against one’s will and moral compass. All of these things can occur when the Sun influence perceives a need to knock the chart holder down a peg or two, or put him or her in his or her place. This path is one involving learning about what power really is: Is it having the attention of others and bullying, or is it in true and unapologetic self-knowledge and self-acceptance?

The chart holder may somehow seem to find conflict with charismatic, dramatic, popular others everywhere he or she goes. To own positive Sun qualities and overcome beliefs from the past are key.

opposition:

The chart holder has in many lifetimes felt blocked, confronted, or stopped in his or her tracks by others who are or seem dominant or powerful, or have the ears of many. This could be a leader of some kind, or an entertaining figure who’s orbited by others for some reason.

The chart holder will have had a contentious relationship with strong egoic energy in many lifetimes. The result can be that, at the first sign of resistance from strong-seeming others, they rise up in defense or yield a bit too quickly. This person is learning over many lifetimes about the true nature of power and overcoming fear of shadows within, eventually becoming able to work through power issues in various kinds of relationships while standing his or her ground, neither believing that battle or being a wallflower is automatically necessary. Part of this path is in speaking truth to power, but beginning it within the self.

-mars

conjunction:

The best and worst experiences in many lifetimes for the person are intertwined with Martian behaviors, attitudes, and experiences. The person is learning over time how to become strong and confident through making self-assertive choices. He or she is in process of learning the right ways to use Mars, including learning to come out lifetimes of fear and pain when it comes to using Mars energy. It’s possible that he or she has felt forced to attack or defend the self (or family, religion, culture, nation, etc.) and now carries guilt, shame, and regret when it comes to using Mars energy in any way. The result can be someone overly aggressive (but who would like not to be), someone passive-aggressive, or someone with significant buried anger afraid to show or act upon it.

The point of this aspect is to learn to use Mars energy in healthy ways. To get there, you have to overcome fear, pain, guilt, shame, etc., sourced in unhealthy expressions from the past. You need to learn you don’t have to defend yourself, and you don’t have to pre-emptively take things to make sure they are not taken from you. Finally, Mars’ desire energy has been a source of difficulty in many lifetimes from both sides (when you have desired and been wounded as a result, and when you have been desired by others and been wounded as a result), and a grounded approach to healthy desire – both sexually and otherwise – needs to be explored so that you do not lose power if you do not get what you want and don’t feel powerful if you do.

square:

Along the path to Plutonian empowerment, Mars people, situations, and issues have brought pressure and friction to you in many lifetimes. This signature is one that indicates power struggles, yet with various kinds of outcomes. In many lives you have been on both sides of what looks like winning and losing, and along the way have experienced a great deal of conflict with others who appear or threaten to have more power than you do. Some with this aspect have become conditioned to hide their will, desire, fire, and “yes/no” function, while others have become conditioned to be live with tension and anxiety, never really knowing if they are safe and can relax. Through war, bullying, intimidation, competition, and abuse of any kind, a person with this natal aspect has been through the ringer when it comes to fighting and defense, and is likely tired of the fight.

Resolution of the tension involves owning the power to say “yes, please” when you want something and “no, thank you” when you do not. This is basic (and likely seems too simplistic to provide anything of value), but it is critical that you reclaim the willingness to use Mars within you in its most basic expression. Along the way, you’ll have to heal and release fears of being overpowered or abused (or, even, killed). With this aspect you have seen in some lifetimes minor conflicts turn deadly, and you must now learn healthy conflict and to own the confidence that you have the right to choose as you desire. Saying “no” to someone does not have to mean a terrible outcome, and it’s time that you learn to own the power to do so.

opposition:

With the planets opposing in your chart, it’s an indicator that Mars people, situations, and issues have blocked you from being or feeling able to pursue and achieve your empowerment in many lifetimes. Oppositions can challenge and confront us, making us aware of something about ourselves that leaves us feeling stripped bare and vulnerable. With these energies, you’re doing the thing that will give your life meaning and make you feel that you matter (Pluto) and finding resistance and challenges from strong-willed others willing to fight (Mars). The result can be that you expect a fight all the time, even when others are trying to help and support you. You might also buckle at the first sign of someone else’s desires competing with or being the opposite of yours. This is because you in many lifetimes have become exhausted through the struggle to make happen what matters to you most.

In some lives, you rise to the occasion and feel that you win against Martian sources. In others, you feel run down and lose life force energy in the process. Either way, it’s important now that you learn to discern not just what’s worth fighting for and why, but also if there is even any conflict in a given situation. You can overcome feeling that fiery others are adversaries and that you have to fight to prove that you and your cause are worthy, and this will require understanding that winning and losing are not the point of Plutonian empowerment. Instead, it’s all about self-knowledge and self-acceptance. When you see this, you can see others who bring Mars energy to you not as enemies and foils but as those who are in your life to pull out of you your deepest strength and sense of conviction.

-moon

conjunct:

The multilife empowerment journey is inextricably intertwined with issues related to family, belonging, emotions of all kinds, and dealing with and addressing needs. The person will feel deeply and strongly, and might have found family when young not being able to understand or hold space for what – and the depth to which – he or she processed emotionally.

In some lives, this conjunction indicates not being accepted by family, or being taken away from them. It can also be that a person needs to leave family, community, and/or home in order to be fully authentic and honor the self. Adoption, grief from the loss of family, and feeling/being disconnected from home and a sense of safety and security with tribe are all parts of this journey.

Being a parent holds special weight (though not all with this aspect will opt for it) because there are both many happy and unhappy memories from various lifetimes related to it. Some with this placement will not seem to grow up, still waiting for the family of origin to support and validate their needs.

Critical to this conjunction is processing, expressing, and moving through emotional blocks. Empowerment here rests on the chart holder validating his or own feelings, needs, and experiences, even if no one has, will, or can.

square:

Along the chart holder’s empowerment journey, he or she will experience friction with or criticism from/to family, community, and people close to him or her. It may be that family in some lives tells the person that love is conditional, as long as he or she conforms to their expectations. It can also be that the values and lifestyle of the person are different enough from his or her family so that he or she doesn’t feel entirely welcome or safe.

One result is that the person isn’t sure now if he or she has support or will be supported if pursuing what matters most to him or her. This aspect points to many lifetimes of conflict with family, and in some lifetimes this conflict can be deeply harmful. The chart holder might not trust the self to make the right decisions (since seemingly everyone who loves him or her doesn’t understand or support a core part of him or her – there must be something wrong with him or her), or might always keep others at bay just in case they turn out not to be supportive.

This aspect describes both a need to learn about the true nature of family, security, and belonging and a need to learn to take care of one’s self in the most important and meaningful ways. Just because this person has been close to others who doesn’t get his or her core self doesn’t mean that that core self is invalid, but the chart holder is the only person who can make that self-validating decision.

opposition:

In many lifetimes when working to become empowered, strong, and confident, the chart holder will find him- or herself at odds with family, community, and those closest to him or her. It’s possible that loved ones are or seem unavailable to the chart holder because they’re dealing with their own issues, unable to give him or her the attention, nurturing, and care that he or she needs.

This aspect indicates a need to learn about where one belongs and where love comes from. Some with this aspect will not feel that they can work with their families of origin due to a history of finding out that their families deeply do not want for them what they want for themselves. Some will seek out other families (tribes) or create their own families in order to heal a sense of belonging, while others might feel isolated and live through loneliness as they process feeling/being at odds with those who love them.

In the end, the healing process involves learning from loved ones how to validate the self and, if possible, remain connected to family and community.

-mercury

conjunction:

The empowerment journey of the soul is inextricably linked to Mercurial issues. The chart holder will have an intense, perhaps obsessive curiosity and need to get at the truth, while sometimes simultaneously dreading it. Being deceived is painful for this person but beyond it, he or she has phenomenal radar for dishonesty, being able to sense it a mile away. In many lifetimes, truth and lies figure prominently in all aspects of the Pluto path, and this person may now be dealing with the results of having or being forced to lie for some reason in many lifetimes.

This aspect is also about having or being denied access to education, being able or not able to speak one’s truth, and the very basic human intellectual function of asking questions and getting answers. It could be that the person in many lives has become disempowered through learning difficult truths or, perhaps, delivering them to others verbally or in print.

The healing path involves being willing to face/own the truth and bring honesty to all situations.

square:

In many lifetimes, the person’s ability to manifest Plutonian strength and confidence is met with friction, pressure, and criticism from communicators, teachers, and writers – those who generate and carry information. Such people will challenge the assumptions according to which the chart holder will do this most important part of living, and he or she may carry difficult emotional residues from arguing, being called out, and having to defend him- or herself. It can also be that some type of information itself is what brings the tension, as when you get an answer to your question and it makes your life harder.

Squares have the inherent feeling that one says to the other, “You’re doing it wrong – here: do it this way.” As a result, the chart holder might expect conflict with and difficulty from people who in some way live out the symbolism of Mercury. The most critical self-esteem thing in many lifetimes, after all, has been interfered with by Mercurial people and, sometimes, what they say has messed everything up for the chart holder. He or she may also resist giving in to new information or learning many new things, as there can be unconscious memories from many lifetimes that new information just might signal the beginning of the end.

opposition:

The person’s journey to become empowered and make his or her life meaningful in numerous lives is blocked, challenged, and ground to a halt by Mercurial people. They tell him or her new information that slows down the most important thing he or she has to do for the self. This can also be about the revelation of new information or details, and also potentially involves the chart holder’s closely guarded personal information being made public in some way. Whether this is fact or rumor makes no difference – damage can be done.

As a result, the chart holder might have a contentious relationships with various kinds of Mercurial people. He or she may feel a need to keep too many things private, fearing being made a laughingstock. This can affect the chart holder’s relationship to basic education and doing research on his or her own behalf, potentially having developed beliefs/karma that too much information – as well as the kinds of people who traffic in it more than most – can get in the way of what he or she perceives truly needs to be done.

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Lets go onto synastry house overlays (usually with synastry people write them with romance in mind but we can still get a general understanding of how they will show up in platonic/family relationships):

1th->

Positively the Pluto person can help the house person transform areas in their life in which they need transformation. In the negative the Pluto person can be bossy, controlling, dominating, pushy, manipulative or a whole slew of other negative Pluto traits. The house person might find the Pluto person to be too overbearing. The Pluto person likely has a very powerful personality and presence. However, if used appropriately the Pluto person can help the house person become more dominant and to learn to set proper boundaries with others or to take better care of themselves or any other positive transformation. Negatively this placement can point to obsession, manipulation control or domination.

If the Pluto person is evolved in their Pluto or their use of power then this can point to a powerful attraction with a lot of passion, and the two can be seen as a power couple. If both are attracted to each other then they are likely VERY attracted even mesmerized feeling caught in a spell. Depending on the house person's nature and whether or not they get on well with more dominant personalities or not will depict whether or not the interaction is smooth. Typically, the house person will find the Pluto person alluring, powerful, intense, and sexy. The Pluto person can help motivate the house person, and help them empower themselves and be more confident in their pursuits. The Pluto person may also have strong ideas on how the house person should behave, act, or carry themselves. As long as the Pluto person is not a bully or mean in their delivery this placement can be very positive.

7st->

When your Pluto is in your partner's 7th house your partner finds you secretive, elusive, intense and mysterious. The Pluto person may become obsessed with the house person. The house person may look up to or respect the Pluto person's fearlessness, or how they wield their personal power. Negatively, the Pluto person may try to control the house person or who the house person associates. They might be dominating, controlling, possessive, jealous or vindictive. The Pluto person may also have strong ideas on what a relationship should be and how one should act in one. If this is a romantic relationship, then this relationship has the potential to deeply impact and transform the both of you. Marriage may be an ultimate goal or partnering in some form. Positively the Pluto person will enable the house person to present themselves much more powerfully, to set proper boundaries with others, and exude more personal power. If married, and the two of you decide on divorce, there may be many power struggles, and vindictive behaviors brought out, and you most likely will not remain friends. Again much depends on how mature both are, and whether or not either one has issues with power, to begin with.

4th->

The Pluto person may take a deep interest in the house person's family and early upbringing. If you are living together, the Pluto person may try to control things in the home or be more dominant in the home. The house person may feel that the Pluto person is too dominating, controlling or bossy at home. The house person can help the Pluto person overcome any of their childhood traumas, by being a place of comfort for the Pluto person. This can ignite a very powerful bond if handled correctly. You have an opportunity to develop a strong intimate bond. In the positive: The Pluto person can help the house person overcome many phobias or fears that stem from childhood. If the focus is on the inner healing of past hurts and family issues, issues with patience and understanding then deep healing is possible. The Pluto person may focus much of their energy on home matters or discussing family matters with the house person.

10th->

The Pluto person will take a strong interest in the house person's public standing and career. The house person will be someone the Pluto person respects and see's many of their talents. In the negative, the Pluto person may try to control the house person's career or decisions made about it. The Pluto person can suggest powerful ways in which the house person may obtain their worldly goals. This is sometimes found in the people who become strong supporters, and marketers of their partner. The Pluto person will likely want to manage the house person or in a negatively suppress their career desires, or hold them back. It is also possible on the very negative that the Pluto person can somehow destroy or harm the house person's reputation and our public image and Career. This is a great place for an actor and his agent, or business manager, even recruiter or headhunter they will work very hard for you. In a love relationship, you can expect the strong support of the Pluto person or disagreements and control.

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Synastry aspects next (from youtube videos by truth in aspect astrology):

-sun

conjunct:

The pluto person feels like a lot of parts of themselves that have remained hidden or have not been understood, the things they wouldn’t share or show, the sun shines its rays upon and the cold and insecure part of themselves is drawn out and made to feel warm. the sun brings out the plutonic qualities within the pluto person. The sun is the very conscious part of ourself while pluto is the unconscious and when these to meet in a conjunction the sun person makes you aware of all that unconscious stuff like past traumas and hidden difficulties. The pluto person has more interactions with these things through the interactions with the sun person. very often it is the way that they interact with each other that brings these out, not outside forces but how they relate to each other. the pluto person very much wants the attention of the sun person because the sun person makes them feel secure and warm and seen when usually these are the dark cold parts of them selves. so they feel happy because the environment that they are. in is so inviting. the sun person is seen as very physically attractive by the pluto person because the pluto person very much likes the way that the sun [presents themselves and the way in which they have established their identity. There is typically quite a bit of sexual attraction on both sides so they feel like more because they have gain each others attention and problems between these two can really surface when that attention is put elsewhere or is mitigated. these two are likely to avoid each other initially and a lot of times permanently. the sun person has a creeping sense that the pluto is somehow going to control their identity and see them as a threat to their identity because they actually are. prolonged contact between them causes a breakdown in the sun person as a result of how the pluto person behaved towards the sun person. the sun wants to get away because they know what is coming. pluto is really about death and rebirth so the sun person has a real chance of some kind of psychological or spiritual breakdown that could lead to a break through in terms of identity expression. through struggle and hardship together and intensity the sun really becomes more balanced when it comes to their identity and ego. The pluto person will not understand this or be able to really see why their actions towards the sun person have resulted in this loss of identity and break down. the pluto person could be potentially destructive to the sun person. You can have this in a lasting relationship where both people are very centered in themselves and the pluto person has worked through their plutonian stuff or doesn’t have a lot of stuff to begin with, but typically thats not the case.

square:

this is the aspect of hard transformation because pluto is about hard change that we have to work for. when we have this in synastry it is typically attractive in synastry and is hard to resist. we want to see what the other person is about. most of the time when we have this the really difficult parts of it are cut off, a lot of times the people don’t go through with the relating with this aspect because there is a certain amount of hostility or enmity and it can preempt the most potent effects of this aspect because the people will not actually get into a relationship. the pluto person very much wants to control or dominate the sun person. they want to take over because there is insecurity and fear involved and they justify to themselves that they can or should do something. it also represents our resentment so there is a striking of the pluto person when they meet the sun person in a square aspect that brings up the urge to take control of the sun persons identity, expression and the physical body such as location or whereabouts. It could be a situation where the sun is more attractive in a relationship and the pluto person feel the need to control or dominate their looks. Both undergo a potential breakdown followed by a potential breakthrough if they actually do engage in an ongoing relationship. the pluto person brings out a lot of psychology out of the pandoras box of both of them so they let out a lot of hidden, nasty, undealt with past, abusive and unaccepted traits, issues and things that have to do with what we have not accepted within ourselves in both people. in the sun it’s about ego and structure of the ego and they have to reinvent their identity. the pluto causes both of them to puke up a lot of their past. there is opportunity for change and transformation because of the difficulties between these people. this is a soul mate aspect in a sense that it has the potential to bring the two people into who they are meant to be because a lot of people who create difficulties in our lives are often some of the most important people in out lives (life journey) and if it wasn’t because of interaction with those people we wouldn’t be who we are. pluto causes us to grow because we have to through the experience of pain and crisis. typically we don’t see this being expressed to the fullest extent because the sun will fight back and there won’t be a long term relationship.

opposition (there wasn’t a video for this):

Sun opposite Pluto is an aspect in which domination struggles are inevitable. Both partners strive for power and the other one somehow threatens it.

This aspect is like a competition of egos, in which each partner tries to dominate, demanding, at the same time, of the other one to be perfect in your eyes. This is a very difficult aspect to deal with.

One of the most problematic elements of this connection is the lack of mutual tolerance.

You are attracted to the other one, otherwise you would not be in a relationship, but you also want them to be more perfect, more according to your demands and standards, which are high.

This connection is not easygoing and it is always tense, as you try to prove you are something your partner sees in you and vice versa, very likely. It could feel artificial and forced.

Both have strong egos, unwilling to change in order to suit the other one’s expectations, while demanding the same from the partner. You want to control everything and this ego competition would make a central place in your relationship.

Over time, this could be devastating, exhausting and it could even make one loses self-confidence and self-integrity, depending on individual charts.

Was there any hope for this strong and tense opposition to work out fine? Of course there is, but it requires full dedication of both parties. You have to be ready for making certain effort that is contrary to your own convictions.

The key thing is that you stop projecting your egoistical aspirations onto your partner and the other way around. Try to see them the way they are inside and accept what you see.

At the same time, stop pretending you were something they want you to be, but act yourself.

-mars

conjunct:

square:

It triggers some explosive feelings in two people. Mars sees pluto as very forceful or pushy or controlling. you need to see the strength of these planets to see how this is going to show up. if you have a mars in pisces or sweetly aspected or in the 12th house and a pluto tht isn’t very aspected at all and doesn’t really play into their life that can take alot of the sting out of this square and make it way less dramatic than you see typically. because when we see this square we typically want it. we are working something out. there is drama because we are dealing with someones power and someones ego and when they meet they intensify. here the mars person doesn’t want to stand down they do feel a subtle awarness that the pluto person is trying to control or manipulate them in some way so there is a very erruptive reaction that the mars person has. bitter resentment with this square is the norm because there is a war going on and nobody wants to not be right when dealing with mars and pluto specially mars. pluto can eventually accept that it’s not right it could lead to the crash and burn which leads to the rebuild. mars never wants to admit to not being right. so it is a very hard headed aspect. there is no gentleness or understanding tat exists between these to forces in their lives. violence can show up if the people involved are prone or if the mars is being really forceful and the pluto person is dealing with a lot of abuse or past pluto issues. you can see a very unhealthy power dynamic show up as a result of this square. this square will always land drama into a relationship but you have to look at the natal charts to see the level of that and the potentials. the mars person often does a lot of going off and erupting because the pluto person really annoys them. mars feels needled and pushed and will put up with it with creates this friction and build up of energy which will eventually explode. there is also an underlying and unconscious sexual competition between these two people. The pluto person is very much threatened by the independence of the mars person. the mars person is threatened by the controlling tactics of the pluto person. so we have this dance of resistance between the two that could also create some sexual tension. sometimes it brings about sadomasochistic behavior depending on the natal charts. the mars person will enjoy beating the every living daylight out of the pluto person. so it is on where we have to treat it carefully because the level of passion can boil over into hatred and resentment. the mars person is very reactive in this relationship. the pluto person is more the stand back and watch and subtly manipulate and position themselves so they can force a reaction from the mars person it makes them feel seen and powerful to be able to drive the mars person crazy. pluto is death so anywhere it is in synastry it has a sucking behavior, it wants to take. that is why it represent the other partners resources not things we make for ourselves, but the value we take from another. so they want to forcibly take the energy of the mars person as they explode they suck up the energy they get from the mars persons reaction without knowing that they are causing it.

opposition (no video for this):

You can you trigger intense willfulness, competitiveness, and passion in one another because you inspire each others desire, need to control, and willingness to go to extremes of intensity in order to win. You are working at this relationship from two opposite angles. You have the potential to transform yourselves and your partnership into a potent, assertive force if you can agree to honor both of your leadership qualities and learn to take turn supporting each others self expression. When the first persons Mars is in opposition to the second persons Pluto, everything has a tendency to become exaggerated which can cause arguments if you both stress the need to things in your own way.

-moon

conjunct:

square:

opposition:

-mercury (couldn’t be bothered to look up videos)

conjunct:

They see themselves in each other, Pluto possibly more clearly through Mercury’s communication. It is likely the Pluto person will show how they relate to Mercury on their own time and decision. There is a connection between communication and sharing + the renewing, compulsive, and transformation energies of Pluto. Maybe this relationship is all about sharing past trauma, past and current fears, and secrets.

square:

One person may pressure or coerce the other into things they don’t want to do or more likely pressure them into statements they don’t really mean. Standing your ground can be a lesson along with tolerating other’s opinions and allowing people to make their own decisions.

opposition:

There is a lesson and challenge for thinking for one’s self. Also letting go of fixed ideas or opinions is a lesson. One might try to control the other’s thinking and decision making. One might also look to the other to form opinions. Letting go of control is important.

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Now that thats out of the way lets write the descriptions for the signs that they are in too and we will get to the theorizing:

leo:

The easiest thing for Pluto in Leo to do is reinvent themselves whenever need be. If they find themselves in a less than desirable situation, they can change and adapt in a way that is most advantageous to them. That’s also the best way for them to discover new traits and skills to continue on their quest for self-discovery.

The Leo Pluto people express themselves best in a creative setting for they love to go overboard whenever possible. Their glamorous attitude and approach to everything set them apart from the competition and keeps them in the spotlight, which is where they want to be. That’s the only way they know how to move forward and gain perspective on the world as a whole.

One thing Pluto in Leo has to be careful of is overstepping their bounds when it comes to leading projects or groups. They tend to automatically take over any situation because they are natural born leaders. But they don’t pay attention to whether or not someone has already taken on that role. So, their quest for control or power can be squashed before they even begin.

This does not bode well for them and the other people involved, because they have quite a temper. They have been known to throw a tantrum with their loud lion roar. They make a scene that disrupts the flow of everything going on around them.

They can handle change, but only when they are the one allowed to deal with it. If it’s left up to other people to reconcile the consequences, these people will have a hard time taking a back seat in terms of making decisions.

They are used to being the authority on everything and are unable to easily accept when someone else takes the reins or proves to be more knowledgeable. That’s the best way for them to remain at the forefront.

When it comes to their personal growth, the they are steps ahead of others because they are always looking to improve their station in life. But they need help from their large social circle if they are to extend that kind of attention toward other people.

While they are generous with their time and effort, it’s usually because they want people to hang out and do things with them. That’s how they flaunt their wealth and fame.

They sometimes have trouble seeing the bigger picture, and it takes the help of their social network to keep them focused on essential matters. Pluto in Leo would instead go out and play than stay in and work, and it takes a lot for them to settle down and do what’s best for everyone.

aquarius:

The best part about Pluto in Aquarius is their desire to do good in the world and for others. Their humanitarian efforts have the ability to bring about important changes in society. They believe you can improve upon any idea.

The Aquarius Pluto zodiac sign hate to see any injustice in the world. They feel there is a solution for everything if you can think outside the box. They desire change, which fits in well with their capability to go with the flow.

As long as they are the ones who are eventually able to control the direction of change, they will demand it every time. Their constant search to find out how everything works bring about more questions in need of answers, and they feel they know to find those solutions.

The Pluto in Aquarius isn’t satisfied with traditional definitions and explanations. So, they spend their own time and resources on researching whatever topic interests them at that time. And once they become interested in something it can quickly become an obsession.

They tend to get so involved in their research they can either leave people behind or run right over them in their search for the truth. If they are to grow and develop as a person, they have to learn how to work well with others.

As long as they understand other people are willing to go the distance for the same social issue, they might be more accepting of their offer to help. And outsiders will have to adapt to the work and thought process of Pluto in Aquarius because they are the most unconventional people to work with.

Their ego is what keeps them on track, for they feel they are one of the few who have the capability to create positive change. But being the social butterflies they are, Pluto in Aquarius do need other people to bounce their ideas off of to determine whether or not they will work. In this sense, they create their own “dream team” to help. This is the only way they struggle to control the situation – when they believe they have the right solution. They make sure their theory is solid before implementing it. But because they are so protective of it, they don’t trust anyone else to execute it. This can make it difficult for them to get something off the ground, and that’s where they have to learn to delegate authority and accept aid. Their brilliant mind shines through in everything they do and helps to inspire others to do more with their lives. That’s how social movements begin.

taurus:

Pluto in Taurus doesn’t mind getting comfortable and staying in one place or doing one thing for a long time. Only when that system stops working or they are forced to change do they make any effort to do so.

As long as they don’t allow their stubborn nature to get in the way of their progress, they will land on their feet every time. And when they’re on that quest for answers that no one can seem to give them, they won’t give up until they find them. They know best what to do, and they will spend plenty of time convincing others of their mental prowess.

The Pluto in Taurus sign people can become quite obsessive when it comes to finding something new that they like just as much as the old. They can lose themselves in their stubborn habits. Once they are involved in researching different tactics and strategies in their lives, they can’t let it go until they have a new set-up.

This means other people may be put on hold while these people are trying to restructure themselves and their schedule. And if other people have a say in these changes, it takes even longer to finish. They are not great at allowing other people to come in.

Also, they hate to delegate authority or take over in any manner. They have their way of doing things, and no one can convince them that any other way is just as effective. This can hinder their progress at times if they take on a bigger project than they realized.

The best thing for them to do is step back from the situation to gain a little perspective on the subject. This is where their network of friends, family, and co-workers can help them out. Nudge this person in the right direction, and they will eventually see the light.

Pluto in Taurus enjoys comfort and beauty a lot. Thus, it can be difficult for them to let go of the cozy environment they have created and do something different. They despise chaos and try as much as possible to avoid messy experiences.

They should learn to embrace these kinds of developments and see them as improvements in their life. Then, they will be able to overcome any obstacle. Some may see this as Pluto in Taurus struggling for control. But, those who know them understand that’s just the way they work.

scorpio:

It doesn’t mean the Pluto in Scorpio sign have a negative understanding of the way the world works. They are prepared for the worst if it ever happens. They also have a better attitude towards things like change, tragedy or death. They know these things are a given and they accept them for what they are – inevitable.

This means they can also be well-adjusted people who are ready for anything. You certainly want them on your side in a difficult situation (or any situation for that matter). They are strong, confident and very protective of their loved ones. This is most important to the Pluto in Scorpio.

The Pluto in Scorpio people keeps everything close to the vest. They don’t let on to what they’re thinking or feeling. They don’t even like to talk about their past, as it may allow others to hold some power or control over them. They need to always be in control and will fight for the ability to gain the upper hand every time. This means they can be manipulative at times, especially when they need others to agree with them or be on their side.

It’s best not to go against Pluto in Scorpio, for they take every little offense personally. Because they feel everything so deeply, it doesn’t take much for them to believe they have been slighted. And once you are on their bad side, it’s challenging to get back on their good side.

They are the most intense sign of the zodiac. This means their reaction is stronger than the offense itself. And since they tend toward darker thoughts and a more pessimistic view of life, it’s difficult for them to snap back to a lighter viewpoint.

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The whole timeline themes thing can wait for another post because it’s too much for this post.

Now lets discuss.

honestly I’m not sure because most of it makes sense and I can see a mars square dw between naruto and sasuke for instance but I don’t see it between sasuke and Itachi and if he has it with one he has it with the other unless the orb is really not that small.

let me say the things which I feel don’t fit for each:

pluto in aquarius (1st decan) -> I don’t think sasuke’s pluto in narutos 7th fits. also I feel it’s naruto who wants to beat sasuke up not the otherway around (mars square pluto).

pluto in aquarius (2nd or 3rd decan) ->

pluto in leo (1st decan) ->

pluto in leo (2nd or 3rd decan) ->

pluto in taurus (1st decan) ->

pluto in taurus (2nd or 3rd decan) ->

pluto in scorpio (1st decan) ->

pluto in scorpio (2nd or 3rd decan) ->

#sasuke #sasuke uchiha #sasuke astrology analysis #sasuke's pluto #n-astro #not complete edit in the future

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ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is · 4 years ago

Note

I hear you're really helpful with typing. I typed myself as an ENTP back in middle school but now as a Real Adult I'm not sure the skin still fits (I read descriptions of ENTPs and think, mm, sound like really immature assholes! ... Although I'm aware online profiles do have a tendency to suck). 2. I'm probably extroverted. I like to think out loud, I like to meet new people, if I give a good public speech I can live off the high for a few hours. (1/9)

(2/9) most of my introverted traits boil down to more sensory type things. I can't stand noisy places, parties or crowds make me feel trapped. Also, my very introverted family all firmly insist I'm obviously an extrovert, so 🤷‍♂️. Reading intuitive descriptions always feels like reading weird mumbo jumbo, but sensing descriptions like reading a list of things I'm bad at. I'm awful at awareness of my surroundings

(3/9) I find driving stressful because there's so many streams of external input I need to be on top of and if I dare space out on an interesting thought I could literally kill someone. I was never in roux with my body (wished I could be a robot tbh) although after my first kid I did sign up for a dance class and it was so cool finally have my body be something other than an annoying meat sack with incomprehensible constant needs i need to constantly deal with.

(4/9) (incomprehensible = do I feel bad bc tired? Hungry? Thirsty? Guessing game time!). For me aesthetic sense basically I can turn on or off, default is off and I don't notice at all, but I can consciously turn it on so as to have a preference (what to eat for dinner) or taste (researching art styles to inspire my own). But yeah I can and have lived in a featureless white cave of a house and just don't notice/care. Thinking/feeling is complicated for me (ur not my therapist, I know).

(5/9) my family was SUPER t and looked down on emotions and stuff so, like, how much of my discomfort with emotion based values/decisions/behavior is me vs that, I don't know. I do know I read some T stereotypes and feel they're stupid. I may be shit at it, BUT being able to work with people and coordinate is how anything happens in the real world, and looking down on people skills is just a sign you're not very smart, imo. OTOH I do just genuinely love logical thinking. So sexy and satisfying.

(6/9) I work as a programmer. I love the rapid feedback cycle, I love constantly learning new things, but I think the most satisfying part is making a program "elegant". Taking a revolting mess of a four page function, compressing it into a beautiful little recursive six liner. (I also like hunting for bugs, most of the time very satisfying, and I love watching something cool emerge from what was literally nothing before). I like categorising and sorting and labeling things (see: mbti) in ways

(7/9) that reveal this underlying system that I can then apply/extend to other things. I like the satisfaction of a good explanatory theory. My husband is into solving problems with things (engineer). I'm also an engineer, but the problems that draw me are people related. Like I said, really it's all coordination problems, cooperation problems, how we can make the human system work towards a good outcome instead of getting trapped in a shitty equilibrium point.(I've worked on my people skills sm

(8/9) re p/j I have no idea. Everything stereotypically J just sounds like things I needed to learn to do as an adult? Make and follow plans and stuff. As I've gotten older, P stereotypical behavior went from being comfortable to being anxiety inducing. So gonna skip that and hope the function stack casts light on it instead.

-----------------------------

Hi anon,

Before reading I will freely admit my first thought was probably high Ne; it is usually high Ne users who see a max character count/question limit as an invitation to reach that limit, whereas everyone else sees it as simply a thing they cannot exceed, but can fall short of.

Going through, from the start, it sounds like, barring any kind of unmentioned or undiagnosed sensory processing issues, an extrovert who is an intuitive makes sense in that you’d be excited by people but not by a lot of sensory experiences at once. This also fits with what you describe later - finding driving stressful because you can’t focus on both thoughts and the road, difficulty interpreting internal physical signs.

I definitely agree with you re: people skills (ie, hating people isn’t a sign of high intellect, but a bad grip on reality and also just probably being an unpleasant person).

I suspect you are more likely to be a high Ti user and therefore an ENTP - programmers/engineers aren’t automatically high Ti users, but I do think elegance tends to be something high Ti users strive for the most, whereas my own programming tends to be “does it work” (although also I’ve never been a programmer as a main job so the expectations and requirements for what I do are a much lower bar). Hunting for bugs and actually enjoying it rather than just wanting the code to work also sounds a lot more Ti-Fe than Te-Fi; an enjoyment more of the process than the end result.

Since you’re an adult and your Fe is tertiary (so actually getting to be pretty decent) and as you said developing people skills is just a reasonable part of life, I think developing an enjoyment of problems that involve people is probably part of that. I think the point you’re at in life and what you said about perceiving vs. judging fits well with a perceiver who is of normal adult levels of maturity. If you were a judger (and even setting aside my initial leaning towards Ne, you don’t write like high Ni user as they tend to use shorter sentences and have a very linear style vs. the more casual/digressive Ne/Si style), you would probably be experiencing the opposite experience, of slowly coming to terms with the sponteneity and need for flexibility of adult life vs. coming to terms with things like deadlines and planning which would have been more initially natural to you.

So: ENTP actually does sound like a good fit! I agree a lot of ENTP descriptions out there are written by people who seem to think interrupting with the phrase “well, actually” is a virtue instead of really annoying, so...yeah, I think it’s reasonable not to relate them and a reasonably mature adult ENTP definitely wouldn’t.

#mbti #entp #Anonymous

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way-veee · 5 years ago

Text

yān yǔ

rating: m genre: romance, fluff, comedy, wayv being absolute crackheads word count: 1.5k + pairing: reader x wayv pt. 2

“just recording? okay i can manage that.” you reassure yourself on the phone with your manager.

“yeah, it’s just for half the day because the boys have rehearsal for the other half, you’ll be in the umeda district, without any cameras or media coverage, me and mr. lee think it will have a more relaxed outcome for the report.”

“you talked to mr soo-man lee?” you question definitely skeptical of your manager.

“well i talked to someone that’s ordered around by him so in theory.. you know what forget it.”

a small smile plays on your lips in the early morning light.

“just be ready by 10:00 and remember, make them look good, really good. do you hear me?”

you grimace slightly, you were known to give an unbiased sometimes harsh opinion on your reports. painting wayv in an angelic light would go against everything that you’ve worked for.

“yes of course.” you whisper, before hanging up the phone unable to take anymore orders from your manager.

you make sure you have everything in place, you have on one of the sweaters you brought, with jeans and your favorite purse. you pack your laptop and journal so you can jot down notes for today’s section. you even put on a little makeup, not that it mattered what other people saw you as, you just wanted to wear it. after everything is settled you leave the room.

and there’s no one in the hallway.

you look at your watch, it’s only 9:41, had the boys not woken up yet? you tip toe quietly to look for any signs of life, but find none. you shrug, it’s not your fault that the members of wayv couldn’t manage their time properly. you walk out to the garage of the complex expecting a black bmw to drive you and wayv to umeda.

instead you find seven fashionably early boys.

you open your mouth in shock. how did they beat you here?

you hated to admit it but they all looked so good. wearing trendy and fashionable high end clothing, everything looked so effortlessly nice and boyfriend material ish, you knew it was carefully pick out just for this occasion. you roll your eyes in disdain.

did they have no sustenance in their life? did they have any choices of their own? just the thought constricts you.

“ i thought there weren’t going to be any cameras today?” you say flatly.

they look you up and down definitely not impressed by your boring appearance.

“if there were cameras around you wouldn’t be here.” you looked shocked, over at xiaojun.

“and you all wouldn’t be taking photos that i’d allow in my issue.”

they’re all shocked at you now. no one ever talked back to them, especially not some little reporter girl in a baggy brown sack.

“the car’s waiting.” you hear kun say, definitely trying to break this doomed conversation apart.

you all pile into the van, one of their countless and disposable employees sits beside the driver.

“so y/n,” he says as they drive off. “we hear you’re a great reporter?”

the boys highly doubted that, they highly doubted that you’re even supposed to be here.

“that’s very kind of you to say,” you respond, genuinely flattered. “i actually was head journalist of the louis vutton fashion show here in osaka, and another one of my articles was chosen to cover the osaka university crisis.”

you can feel the boys surprised impressions behind you. you had single handedly covered two of the biggest events in osaka.

they weren’t the only ones that excelled in their field of work.

when you got to the studio, the managers had takeout ready for you guys to eat. after, you were flung into a meeting after with wayv and their managers, they discussed logistics and statistics no doubt to impress you.

but all you could focus on was the seven boys sitting on the opposite side of the table, making mean faces at you.

you couldn’t believe it, they were full on glaring at you the whole time. you couldn’t fathom how superstars like them could be so rude, so you naturally make faces back, sticking your tongue out, curling your lips.

it didn’t scare them like you intended it too, but it was more interesting than the meeting.

the boys had to have a word with the producers from the studio. of course you weren’t allowed in, because it was “sensitive information”, so you were exiled alone into a room beside the studio, just with a few chairs and a piano.

you refrained from playing the piano for sometime, sitting in a chair fiddling with your thumbs, but as the minutes added on you gave in quite easily and decided to play it.

the leather seat feels familiar as you trace your hands across the keys. the piano was the only instrument you enjoyed playing, something about is was different than every other. whenever you played music on the piano, you immersed yourself in it.

your right hand starts to aimlessly play a tune by muscle memory, then your other hand joins in and you let out a familiar sigh of relief as your body slips into a state of relaxation that you only get from playing the piano.

you played the piano a lot when you were in high school. you didn’t have many friends and most subjects didn’t entertain you. aside from writing, playing piano was what you did most. you played pop song covers, jazz, classical, movie scores. whatever you could get your hands on. what you lost in social interactions, you made up with music.

it was also very personal to you. you played with your whole heart, there was so much emotion and expression you put into it. if anyone said something rude about your playing, your whole world would shatter.

but in this very moment, it brought you the stability you needed. so you continued playing, the song was seven minutes long and you played through it twice.

then suddenly, you feel a tap on your back and literally jump up out of your seat. red faced you turned around to see ten, seemingly unfazed. you wonder how long he’d been there.

you hadn’t heard him enter so he could’ve been there for quite some time. the thought makes you want to shrink down into oblivion.

“i.... sorry i just started to play and...”

“is that liszt?” he asks, genuinely curious.

“yes,” you reply with a smile, looking into his light brown eyes. “le mal du pays.”

you stare at him for a second waiting for him to ask more questions, but he doesn’t. he just turns back around and says

“we needed you in there ten minutes ago.”

he then saunters off into the room not once looking back.

you indignantly huff and walk into the room, shaken by your encounter with ten. as you enter the room the boys stop speaking in rushed cantonese and look at you.

“okay, now we can get started,” the director of the studio says definitely unimpressed by your tardiness.

“so as we discussed, this album is going to be more contemporary and natural, this is where the fans will really get to know more about you and your interests.”

you hurriedly take out your pen and notepad and scribble down points of the meeting you can expand on later.

the director plays a few back tracks and the boys comment on them.

“for the main track we wanted to incorporate minnan dialect, to represent our past,”

you look up at hendery, you love the idea. it would add insight and depth to their music while honoring a part of chinese culture.

“well..” the director cuts in, “we wanted to take another approach and stick to a standard chinese and english mix. now for the lyrics one of our producers wrote this to go along with a pre selected track..”

you look up shocked, then at the boys. they looked so defeated after having their idea shot down, you couldn’t believe that SM basically did everything for them and wayv couldn’t do anything to stop it.

at first you might have called the boys lazy or manufactured. but now you know that they’re trapped and dismissed.

you see that on their faces. you had no idea. the rest of the “collaboration” took an hour, as you sat there and lied out guts your onto the notepad in front of you.

both wayv and the producers worked harmoniously, turning primal beats and rhythms into lovely music.

neither, had happened. the producers played generic pop beats and wayv tried again and again to get some of their ideas incorporated, failing each time.

the drive back was silent, you could feel the defeat in the air. they were no longer looking at you, or concerned about you.

they were looking among themselves for hope, for a way to make music they wanted to make.

their sadness made you want to break in two.

you couldn’t hate them anymore. you didnt deserve too, they can hate you all they want. but you could no longer be mad at these boys after seeing what they've been through. now everything makes sense.

“well, anyone can play the piano, hell even xiaojun can play the piano and look at him,”yangyang says while gesturing to xiaojun who was trying to persuade lucas to give him a piggy back because he wanted to “move fast”

ten shakes his head at yangyang, hendery and winwin.“no not like that, she was really good.”

“are you sure it wasn't a recording or-”

“no.” ten says, cutting winwin off. “it was amazing to listen to” he reminisces. getting lost in that moment, looking up at the ceiling thinking of your hands dancing across the piano keys like magic.

“it was like, she was supernatural. the look on her face was so serene that i didn’t want to disturb her. it was really weird...”

the boys look at ten waiting for him to say more.

“trust me, when you guys hear her you’ll agree. she sounded professional. really.”

he looks into the boys eyes for a glint of acknowledgment, but finds none.

“how much did you hear?” winwin asks.

“all of it.”

the boys look at ten in shock, he never usually talked about people this way. especially not a sack wearing gross looking reporter like yourself.

“well that still doesn’t make up for the fact of her being a complete jerk!” xiaojun yells from atop lucas’s broad shoulders.

“i don’t think we can judge her until we get to know her.” kun says as he appears from his room. “there is definitely a lot there that we don’t see.”

“we’ll she’s still a bi-” yangyang then tackles hendery from behind, pulling him off of the bed the other members were sitting on. his words cut off by yangyang's clammy hands. yangyang tries to lick hendery’s nose while he yells fearfully in chinese.

after they had settled down, xiaojun thought he’d say what they were all thinking.

“today went worse than usual. they usually consider our ideas, or act like they like them. now they don’t even pretend to need us.”

the boys look down in defeat. xiaojun was right. it had gotten worse.

“i dont know how much longer i can do this..” lucas says, looking tearfully into the palms of his hands. “ i want to be a musician. not just a body, or a face or a dancer. i want to sing and make music.”

the boys sit on the silence of the room.

they feel the same. they had no idea how much longer they could last like this.

“i just don’t understand. our ideas are good. and they’re our ideas. no one should be treated like this.” winwin whispers.

“give it time,” kun offers. “we have fans supporting us and we have each other. music or not i want to stay with you guys.”

henderey grabs kun’s hand with his own as they sit there for the millionth time. contemplating the situation they were in.

“we have to do something,” ten says looking up at the saddened boys he thinks of as brothers. “and i think i know how.”

they look up hopefully, but as soon as they figure out that the sack wearing gross looking reporter was involved,

chaos erupts.

part 3

#wayv #wayv imagines #wayv au #wayvkun #wayv winwin #wayv lucas #wayv hendery #wayv yangyang #wayv xiaojun #wayv ten #wayv smut #wayv x reader #wayv x you

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mbtiofwhys · 4 years ago

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Some serious talk about MBTI

Debunking common myths and critics while understanding real flaws and how to move past them

Disclaimer

Our vision regarding the use of MBTI, and typology in general, is profoundly different from what the Foundation promotes and advertises;

Our knowledge comes either from directly studying Jung’s works or from browsing more grassroots sources, such as blogs here on Tumblr or discussions on Reddit;

We opened this blog for fun because we’re passionate about typology and its application to both introspection and fictional works analysis;

We don’t intend to turn down every form of criticism, but without the pretense to be 100% correct, we rather wish to see what are real weak points and what may be legit observations if not born from a misunderstanding of the system;

This is our personal view and opinion on MBTI, feel free to join the debate!

Main concerns

Not scientifically sound

Not supported by the psychology academic field / It’s just pseudo-science It’s true that typology can’t be proven by the current scientific method - it’s too much of a subjective topic. There’s a reason why both Freud’s and Jung’s works are studied as the beginning of psychoanalysis but their practice isn’t used by modern psychology anymore. But admitting that MBTI isn’t scientifically sound doesn’t mean it’s entirely unreliable. The E/I dichotomy is, for example, something based on our chemicals and neurotransmitters in the brain, so it has a solid basis and it may be helpful outside the MBTI context. (source: 1, 2) The key point, we believe, is shifting the view: we prefer not to consider the Indicator as a pure psychological tool, rather a more philosophical one. MBTI is, at least for us mods, a method: we always try to improve our understanding of the subject, but it isn’t restricted to the theoretical field, since we also apply it in typing fictional characters. So, there’s a theoretical basis to know and personal study is encouraged, but it’s definitely nothing scientific as we intend it nowadays.

Tests aren’t accurate

We know - we talked about it here. Approaching MBTI solely by tests generates huge misunderstandings about what typology is really about. More specifically:

You can get different results by retaking the test It’s due to the flawed essence of a test assessing personality traits, and it’s exacerbated by tests having a general focus more on behavior than cognition. This is usually about generic questions that may be too vague since online tests try to be relatable to a large set of people from different countries and cultures.

Forer effect/ vague descriptions We know about the Forer effect and we’ve read the profiles used in his experiments: they’re nothing like detailed, in-depth profile and analysis of each type, or even basic ones, if done properly. Take a look at mbtinotes for an example of how different (if not opposite) descriptions are for different (or opposite) types. Even in a basic form, they’re not vague enough for a person to relate to more than three or four of them at most. So, it’s true that MBTI has, in some cases, a ‘pop’ approach aimed to be understandable and clear for everyone, and this is counterproductive in the end. But the flaw lays in how it is conveyed: inaccurate tests don’t invalidate the method as a whole.

It’s just a quiz/ it’s just like horoscopes The tests that bloom through the internet sadly validate the first point, as the majority of people answer the questions, read the type description, and then forget about it. But we firmly believe it’s nothing like the horoscopes. MBTI, if approached seriously, doesn’t have the pretense of predicting the future or explaining a person’s whole life, since it isn’t even an excuse for someone’s behaviors. It is true that many topics can be found about relationship pairs and career advice, but we tend to be skeptical towards those, and it’s not an approach we believe fit our vision of MBTI as a tool for self reflection. Type theory can give some insights on relationship dynamics in general (not only romantic ones) but this doesn’t mean it can predict the future or something along those lines.

Types are just stereotypes

They could be, depending on the interpretation. People are complex, they’re made of experiences, upbringing, hobbies, and so much more - personality is nothing more than a trait of someone’s individuality. One could say that people are not their type, rather they are somehow represented by it.

Putting something complex like personality into boxes People don’t know about cognitive functions based on Jung’s studies. Typology isn’t concerned about such things as hobbies or upbringing because - following Jung’s approach, at least - cognitive functions are innate and universal and determine one’s cognition. Meaning they can explain what information we prefer to look at, how we gather data, what we weight in making decisions. It’s all about the process - but the outcome and the individuality of a person, that’s on each one of us. This is also why tests are often inaccurate: they make examples based on careers, hobbies, and behaviors, leading MBTI enthusiasts to approach the subject as something more superficial than it actually is. However, the theory has its valid points, even if not always approved by academics, but it’s usually studied by a minority of people since (and it’s understandable, we aren’t judging) it requires time and effort to go deeper into the subject.

16 types are too few The four letters have meaning. Dichotomies exist, but they only work on a superficial level. In reality, the four functions are rather a continuum: they develop throughout a person’s entire life and work in pairs, three at a time, or even all fours together. The whole system is much more complex than people give it credit for by merely taking a test. And anyway, a person is much more than just their four letters. As we stated above it’s ok to stop on a more superficial level, but this mustn’t be used as an excuse to forget about cognitive functions and how they describe in a more detailed way how people gather and use information through cognitive patterns.

Personality changes over time It does because we change. But this doesn’t affect functions. What people call ‘change’ is tied to growing into a (hopefully) better person as life goes on, learning from one’s own mistakes, and thus becoming a more aware and balanced individual. However, the way in which a person gathers data and uses them doesn’t change, it’s more a process about enhancing our strengths and polishing our weaknesses. This, either, doesn’t mean a person’s fate is dictated by which functions they possess: this is a rather unhealthy approach to typology. Excluding circumstantial factors that sadly play a role in the real world (wealth, gender, geographic origin, and so on), idealistically a person could do everything in his life, despite type and whatnot. Maybe some things will be more difficult, or easier, but since we are more than our type, other factors come into play: how we’ve been raised, what we like, what ideals we have, who we are, globally, as a person. The list goes on.

MBTI is a form of discrimination

This can be true - but not for us. MBTI is a tool: what you do with it, it’s on your own. Stating that sadly, there are people who use MBTI as a form of discrimination doesn’t invalidate the subject.

Used in corporate settings, but not by psychologists We personally disapprove and discourage the use of MBTI to dictate people’s work and life. We don’t like how the Foundation promotes it for commercial purposes exactly because it is not a scientific nor a statistical tool. A person is more than four letters. Choosing a career based on an (often) inaccurate test is not advised, but understanding how our own cognition works may be useful to become a better person. Again, behaviors aren’t cognition.

Our personal dos and don’ts with MBTI

Take it as a tool to promote introspection and self-reflection, but only after a proper study of the subject. We don’t recommend to use MBTI as a theory to dictate one’s career, but it’s still an interesting way to better understand oneself. Without falling into confirmation biases, MBTI may be a great way to become more aware of one’s own qualities and flaws, learning how to live in a more healthy and functional way.

Use it as a framework to dissect fictional works (very satisfying!)

Use it for meme material. Yes, memes have great potential and may light up your day!

Think of it as a pair of lenses: you can see reality through it and gain some nice insights but in the end, reality will always be so much more than what you can experience by only using a single pair of lenses.

Don’t

Use it as a replacement for professional help - both physically and mentally. Mental illnesses are unrelated to MBTI, so using the subject to validate them or deal with them may be harmful. MBTI is a great tool to better understand one’s strengths and weaknesses, not a replacement for proper treatment. There is no shame in being in need of help and we encourage you to seek it if necessary.

Use it to discriminate against other individuals - cognition doesn’t know gender, wealth, ethnicity, or education. There isn’t a better type, even if the community sometimes romanticizes certain ones. You are valid, no matter what a test says about you or what the community thinks.

Try to gain profit from it.

Use it to justify whatever behavior or decision you make in your life. Cognitive functions may help you to discover your patterns and how you act, but they can’t dictate what you can or can’t do.

Thank you for reading this article until the end. All of this is our personal view on the subject, so further discussion and contributions are encouraged and appreciated! If you are a beginner and wish to delve deeper into the subject, we’re not an educational blog, perperly, but here you can find a quick beginner’s guide.

Sources: Addressing typology and criticism; On the book ‘Personality Brokers’; The test is meaningless; How accurate is the test?; The test is unscentific; A popular but flawed understanding of personality.

#mbti #myers briggs #PersonalityTypes #Psychological Types #typology #criticism #stereotypes #articles #personality test #personality type #Personality Theory #mbti personality #debunking #introspection

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astrologysvt · 5 years ago

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Chart First Impressions: Seungkwan

In celebration of Seungkwan’s bday, I’m starting the “Seungkwan is Best Baby” club and here is my list of reasons why you should join it.

These are just the first impressions I had to all of their charts – the parts that popped out to me as being notable, things I personally liked, things I thought were interesting or contrary to the image I have of them. Things like that. I’m not looking at anything in particular with each reading. Some of their readings may be more aspect focused, where some may just focus solely on their personal planets. If you have any questions on specific aspects or want to request a more specific reading, feel free to send me an ask!I adore this boy

our little capricorn baby

lets have a nice little capricorn talk.

another misunderstood sign

caps can be seen as stubborn, maybe judgmental.

maybe sometimes overly practical and inflexible.

i’ll be honest and say that caps have been the hardest for me personally to understand, but learning to understand them has been incredibly rewarding and enlightening.

the first hurdle you need to address if ur struggling to understand caps is to understand that they aren’t miracle workers.

they are so easy to write off in readings as the hard-workers, the ambitious ones, the ones who get stuff done.

lmao there is an expectation that, if no other sign can do it, a cap probably can — but these things are obviously more complex than that, and no one is immune to failure.

honestly, i think the main reason why people think this is, is because a cap is gonna be the last one to be okay dropping things if they know no one else is going to pick it up after them.

even if they’re over it and don’t want to deal with it anymore — they’re gonna be the ones who know how to find the patience and perseverance within themselves to see it to completion.

i went into it a little bit with seungcheol, but i think the primary identifying factor for a cap is their sense of responsibility.

how they decide to address/focus/direct this sense of responsibility is up to them, but i’ve met various capricorns at very different places with their sense of responsibility.

some ignore it, some are CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT IT.

caps who struggle to focus it in any which direction can tend to be pretty fickle with their time and struggle to justify imputing excessive amounts of effort into things they aren’t sure about.

if they don’t see it amounting to something, they’d rather not do anything.

and then you have the caps who are so committed in one direction who really feel as though time is constantly passing them by.

this is because they’re so focused on their goals that they struggle to grasp the progress they are actually making.

either way, what’s looming over them both is this hyper awareness of a sense of purpose (or lack there of).

and in my experience, they both tend to be rather insecure regardless of the place they’re at with their goals.

they’re either insecure in knowing they need to be doing things and aren’t, or insecure in not knowing whether they’re being the most efficient with their time.

that’s just something to think about with both seungkwan and joshua, though i think this is much more prominent in seungkwan

(not to say joshua doesn’t have the same sense of responsibility, he just seems to be less quick to action than seungkwan is).

with seungkwan, he’s the opportunist capricorn.

they’re the ones who don’t wait for people to hype them up to start doing things.

if they see an opportunity, they’ve already signed on and have started preparing.

this makes sense considering his approach to variety shows.

if he sees the opportunity, he reaches out.

same with his cover of love poem, he saw the opportunity to make this connection with IU and it ended up being this really beautiful exchange.

this cap attitude is the one he exactly expressed in the behind the scenes, too, when he was explaining that he didn’t know where the courage came from but he really wanted to directly ask IU for the instrumental.

he didn’t HAVE to per say, but his lack of fear allowed him to pursue this project in a very sincere, touching, and authentic way.

it goes to show how good these caps are at putting the effort forward before they can think themselves out of it.

these caps are just a mystery to me because you can’t even imagine where the idea to do the things they do come from, and before you have time to ask them what they’re up to, they’re already knee deep in the project and starting new ones as you speak.

but lets look at the rest of his chart

we’ve got a virgo moon!

so i feel like people don’t give virgos enough credit for being some of the funniest people in the world, honestly.

they are naturally very clever people and consequentially very great conversationalists (so long as they don’t have other, more reserved placements that may interfere).

they are this way because they are so observant and detail-oriented.

they can talk for hours about the intricacies of the most random things and can talk about them with such passion because they genuinely think the little things are the most interesting.

they’re very similar to gemini placements in the sense that they want to know everything and study everything, and honestly just love being able to share their findings with people.

i think the primary difference is that geminis do it because they are so curious and inquisitive, almost to a fault.

where as a virgo approaches it more as research/getting their bearings.

they feel the most comfortable in situations where they can account for all the details, understand how each part functions, and can have enough information where they feel as though they can comfortably predict all possible outcomes.

they’re so good at this to the point that they manage to come to these findings incredibly fast, almost subconsciously.

which is why you can hardly ever get anything past someone with a strong virgo influence. even when you think they’re not paying attention.

they keep tabs on the most random, minuscule things and man will they let you know if something is not how it should be.

but how does this make him funny?

virgo’s take that attention to detail and they apply that to their humor.

they’re the ones to point out that random thing they noticed you did that you didn’t think anyone would notice, but boy did they notice it and did they think it was hilarious.

or the kind of things that wouldn’t be funny inherently, but are funny because they put it in such a specific context that now you think it’s the funniest thing on the planet.

it’s because they’re resourceful comedians who are super in tune not just with the nuance that puts those jokes over the top, but they are so good at finding the most obscure, random things to pick fun at.

they’re humor also def leans more towards the satiric/absurd realm.

i mean, john mulaney is a virgo idk what more i need to say to prove how funny and weird virgos can be.

seungkwan honestly has such a big heart.

so i know earth signs have a habit of coming across cool or impersonal, and with a cap sun, mercury, venus & virgo moon you’d imagine he’d be too cool for school.

but don’t forget virgo influences are one of the healers of astrology.

in astrology there are two “healers”

pisces are the emotional healers, and virgos are the physical healers.

this could explain his ultra obsession with helping the others maintain their health, and also why he manages to nag them about it in the sweetest way.

but we’ve also got a virgo moon trine cap mercury.

this makes him incredibly emotionally competent.

having this aspect associated with both earth signs makes it so that his concern with health and stability is how he expresses his care.

he truly and deeply understands the role he plays in taking care of his members and takes it very seriously.

this also makes him really good at giving advice!!!

he’s so attentive and is really good at balancing emotional support with guidance.

this can also make him incredibly great in stressful situations as he’s able to take in chaos and turbulence through his moon and effectively process it. then his cap mercury’s quick brain and knack for logics kicks in and starts problem solving.

his moon is opposite jupiter

this is the aspect that really makes him that fun-loving, sweet, warm-hearted boo we all know and love.

he’s so generous with affection and humor because it comes from this bottomless well within him.

he’s so accessible and i think this is one of the reasons why people are so quick to warm up to him.

hehehe tho he does have a tendency to over do it due to that opposition.

the jupiter influence gives him this super open and free energy from that added sag influence while making him incredibly optimistic at heart.

he’s just so easy to be around, and when you see him open up his arms to you there’s no reason for you not to return the gesture.

not only that, but talking with him is so fun because he is so animated and so passionate yet so invested in the conversation because he genuinely enjoys hearing from different perspectives.

he is truly a happy, and optimistic person at heart and associating this with his moon makes him incredibly stable and enduring in the face of emotional turmoil.

it doesn’t make him immune to emotions or sadness, but he is certainly always able to find a silver lining while also allowing him to be constructive on the reasons he may have ended up where he was.

but you take that and then you add his already super committed capricorn energy, and what you get is this incredibly resilient guy.

it’s because of this that he’s so capable of being present in every single aspect.

there is at no point that seungkwan checks out, may it be professionally, personally, emotionally.

he is truly someone you can depend on in all fronts.

#seventeen #svt #seungkwan #boo seungkwan

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freshapplecider · 5 years ago

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hi Olivia! so glad you're back! how are you? i've only recently come across the concept of "twin flame", and I understand that it's totally different than a soulmate, but don't really know the differences exactly if you know what i mean. what do you think are the main differences? hope you're well! :)

Hellooooo sweet! I’m doing very well, thank you, I just needed to get away from social media for a long time and focus on myself, but it’s nice to be back for the time being!

I will be long-winded trying to explain this, but my understanding is practically identical to this spiritual teacher I follow on YouTube, whose channel is NewWorldAllstar if you’re interested in a better explanation (addressed in his videos “What are Twin Flames?” in parts 1, 2, and 3). He has kind of a know-it-all personality, but he knows what he’s talking about in terms of physics and actual universal law as it pertains to true spiritualism.

I’m putting this under a “read more” because it’s obscenely long!

SOULMATES

Soulmates are two entirely separate beings whose “connection” is attributed to similar soul vibration in terms of their physical makeup. I’m literally talking about atoms and shit here. Many also believe soulmates agreed to meet in this life to have a relationship or to teach/learn. I believe both aspects, personally.

Regardless of what you believe in terms of what “makes” someone a soulmate, these connections are like idealized romantic connections that you see in movies. When you meet, you just “click” and your connection is immediate. You feel like you’ve known this person forever, and you get along with no problem at all, any conflicts usually being resolved easily.

In these connections, there is often mutual “telepathy,” like you reach for your phone to text them, and they text you at that very moment. Or you’ll think of something you’d like to say to them, and they say it to you first. I’ve experienced this many times, and it’s wild each time it happens.

In contrast to twin connections, soulmate connections require no kind of spiritual ascension or “energy upkeep.” If you are someone who struggles with severely low self-esteem, for example, this will not repel a soulmate in the same way that it would repel a twin. While both may love you unconditionally, a soulmate is largely unaffected by your energy, so they are able to stick around though it all without feeling that energy themselves. Many soulmates feel they’ve found “the one” and they stay together. If not, a break-up doesn’t feel like the end of the world because it’s usually on good terms.

TWIN FLAMES

Twin souls, or twin flames, are different in that they are literally the same being. To understand how that works, you have to first understand that we are not only what we see here in the 3D; our soul operates both within and beyond us in the form of our “other self,” or our literal polar opposite. The YouTuber I mentioned at the top of this post even says that, regarding the Theory of Relativity and the universal law of polarization, everyone has a twin flame because in order to exist in this universe, the soul has to polarize. The “awakened” twin is the positive polarity of the soul while the “unawakened” twin is the negative polarity, but most people refer to twins as the “divine feminine” and “divine masculine” respectively, even though gender actually has nothing to do with it.

Meeting your twin flame triggers an inner knowing that you are connected to this person in some way that you can’t explain, you just KNOW them, and you are drawn to them without reason, even if you don’t know each other well. I’m not talking about obsession, either, you just feel them like an echo in you, and you can’t forget them. I don’t know how to explain it in other terms. This meeting is usually followed by blatant interest in each other, heavy flirting, or even dating if you manage to squeeze that into the short time period before ascension kicks in and separation occurs for the first time. I didn’t date my twin after I met him because we hardly got to know each other within the few weeks before my ascension symptoms started, triggering an intense ego death, and we “separated.”

Ascension can look different for everyone, but it’s usually very ugly and uncomfortable. Refer to my other ask about ascension if you’d like details about what that is and what it entails! At the onset of separation with my twin (the second time, since we did not “connect” in a significant way when we met), my complete ascension was triggered. I was having crying fits literally every single day for 4 months, and I am not someone who has EVER been affected by another person in that way, let alone after merely texting with someone sporadically over the span of one month. There is no pain like ascension, but you are changed as a person once you initially come out of it.

After ascending, detaching from an outcome with your twin during your time apart, and finding wholeness within yourself, your twin will come back into your life again. This time, it can be sustained, but it usually ends and begins a few more times before twins are able to maintain anything long-term.

This coming and going, usually called “running,” seems to be the hallmark of the twin flame connection, but this alone doesn’t define the connection, which is why people often mistake abusive/manipulative partners for twins. Twins would never intend to cause each other harm in any way, and it’s that unconditional love coupled with ascension that is truly central to the connection.

“Runner” twins usually don’t understand why they feel the need to run and often don’t want to separate from you, as my own twin has said to me; they simply feel that they need to go.It is strictly energetic, and balance is required. Twins do often stay together once they are able to do so, but it is also common not to since some may come to feel that it’s a fruitless labor or they simply find someone else, like a soulmate. But no matter the physical circumstances, there is never an absence of love and understanding.

In terms of other phenomena related to the connection, dream “visits” are very common, and I experience them very often to receive information that my twin wants to relay to me; this is made possible through access to our akashic records in dreams, or our life blueprint, if you will. Telepathy is also common with twins, but it can only flow from the positive polarity to the negative (like in a battery), not the other way around, which is why energetic balance and wholeness are paramount. Most importantly, being with your twin physically feels like complete and indescribable peace, like that “zen” you are meant to achieve through meditation (as the YouTuber I’ve mentioned puts it.) You might have heard many times that it’s not a “romantic” connection, and that’s the truth. It’s a contentment that asks nothing else of the moment, and it’s mutual. On the first night I spent with my twin, he wouldn’t stop saying, “This feels so right!” even though we were just lying there, talking and cuddling, and I’ve heard many stories of the same experience from most twins. Individual gifts will often crop up as well, like I started writing, and others may gain similar “psychic” insights.

This post is far too long, so I will end on that note! I hope this is informational, but if you are still interested, just go to the channel I linked and watch a few of his videos because he explains it better than I ever could.

#LONG POST #so sorry #anonymous #ask

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golden-redhead · 6 years ago

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I'm curious. Do you have any thoughts on Kaede and Kokichi's ingame relationship? I dunno, maybe it's an odd qurstion but... I think that maybe reading about them from the perspective of a good writer can help me write about them better. Thanks in advance!

So, first of all: sorry that it took me so long, but it’s such a complicated question that I had to take my time to think about it, talk with a friend, re-watch some fragments of the game, including their FTEs and just… think carefully about what I actually think and how to put it in a way that would actually make sense.

Okay, so the first thing that I think should be acknowledged is that both Kokichi and Kaede are very flawed characters and that they actually parallel each other in a very interesting way. And this is something that I mostly focus on in this post because I think this is the key to understanding the kind of relationship they had. Also, this post is awfully long (over 1700 words), so… Yeah, more under the cut.

The problem with Kaede is that she is very pushy. Kokichi points it out during their little Death Road of Despair experience and he’s not wrong. She likes to have things go her way and most of the time she doesn’t even realize that she’s coming off as forceful and even kind of self-rightous. A lot of her character is just a facade, just like Kokichi’s, but her is probably much less obvious than his (it also applies to Kaito and I would honestly LOVE to discuss the similarities between all three of them one day, because they are fascinating and they are the three people that have the most impact on both the final outcome of the game and our protagonist). I don’t think that Kaede is nearly as optimistic as she pretends to be. I actually believe that a lot of what we see in her audition video is visible in our in-game Kaede, just covered by her positive, always cheerful mask. But the thing is that she doesn’t truly trust in her classmates - despite the fact that she states the opposite - and that’s why she takes things into her own hands. She wants to be perceived as positive and supportive but when you look at her actions during the Death Road of Despair or at how she wants to get the mastermind on her own her true personality really shines through this mask she made. And I think that Kokichi is aware of it, he’s not fooled by her cheerful persona the same way that others are. He’s immune to her motivational speeches (and Kaito’s, but it comes later), but at this point in the story he also seems to recognize that something good can come out of them? And it’s not something that he could do himself so he lets Kaede become their self-proclaimed leader as long as it motivates others to keep fighting. He’s a person who values life above anything else and I think that this is something that you need to keep in mind when analyzing his character because it’s such an important element of his character.

In general, it’s kind of hard to predict what would have happened, because Kaede never got to overcome her flaws and grow as a person, we never see her actually develop. Very early in the game one of her biggest flaws is introduced - and this flaw leads to her doom. I assume that if she lived longer she would get at least a chance to change, to overcome it, but it’s just me guessing and hoping and assuming. And even if she got a chance the develop it still doesn’t mean that she actually would develop, at least in a positive sense of this word. And the worst thing about the game is that she ends up being treated like a perfect waifu, like she was a victim of this situation, so I’m not sure if they would actually go this way. I’m kind of worried that she would be just Maki 2.0? Because Maki’s flaws are also never fully acknowledged, which is honestly a shame because it would be a chance for her to and also make the game much more self-aware.

Because yeah, in Maki’s case the way she is treated has at least something to do with just catering to the audience, especially the male audience, and in her position as the game’s waifu. But when you think about it - her admitting that what she did was wrong, admitting that she went against her own promise to herself and against what Kaito tried to teach her… wouldn’t strip her of her waifu status, wouldn’t impact players’ perception of her negatively. If anything, it would only serve to make her more relatable. And something similar happens with Kaede, the game kind of admits that what she did was wrong and she actually gets punished for it. But the game also immediately after her death changes its narrative and turns her into this perfect martyr who did nothing wrong, which is just… so painfully contradictory. Looking at it that way I think that both Kaede and Maki got the short end of the stick. Sure, they are both popular and generally loved by the fandom characters, but the game had a chance to go deeper with them and explore them better, but never did, instead simply skimming over the surface. As much as I hate the argument that they both are kind of reduced to being love interests… well, let’s just say that I don’t agree with it 100% but I also see where people who say that are coming from.

The most interesting thing about Kokichi and Kaede is probably how different their brands of leadership are. As I mentioned earlier, Kokichi pretty much lets Kaede do her thing, simply observing what is going to happen. but the moment he notices that her own blind ambition is getting in the way of her good intentions - he calls her out on her bullshit. The main difference between them is that Kaede immediately made her leader status known, whereas Kokichi always works from the shadows, collecting evidence on his own, trying to find out who the mastermind is.

Honestly, the most interesting thing that would come out of Kaede living longer in relation to her relationship with Kokichi is probably the way they would challenge each other, the same way we see it happen at the beginning with the Death Road of Despair thing. Shuichi can be seen as very passive compared to her and it’s honestly both a good and a bad thing, depending how you look at it or who you ask. It’s good, because it lets the player just observe things, observe how those characters react and behave on their own, without your protagonist’s interruption. But at the same time you as a player end up being an observer rather than someone who has actual impact on the story, unless maybe during the trials when it’s your job to solve the case. On the other hand, while Shuichi is rather passive, Kaede is his total opposite. She lacks his patience and she can be actually very… um, unpleasant? Just look at her FTEs with some of the others or her first interaction with Tsumugi (well, to be fair, Tsumugi was kind of rude herself, but still). She quickly gets physical with others and not necessarily in a good way. As much as I would like to believe that she would be more willing to understand Kokichi, I also think that she might be too pushy to actually get to him? Kaede forces her way through things, while Kokichi surrounds himself with lies and hints, I’m not sure if Kaede actually has the patience to deal with this kind of thing, she is very clearly tired of his antics during their FTEs. I like to think that she wouldn’t be as antagonistic towards him as others are and that she would defend him when Maki abuses him, but considering how narrative is very clearly against Kokichi, to the point that at times many characters come off as out of character… I’m honestly not so sure if that would be the case? But then again, she’s much more firm with him than any other character and it’s something that should be acknowledged. Kirumi is kiiiind of similar? But because of her devotion to her talent Kirumi also lacks Kaede’s individuality and doesn’t stand her ground the same way Kaede does.

Another thing that I would like to point out is that Kokichi changes a lot later in the game. He gets much more serious and more desperate as more people die. In Kaede’s first FTEs with him Kaede thinks that he acts like a kid who wants attention and… she’s not wrong? He really does act that way, especially at the beginning. He’s testing her limits, messing around and in general acting like a brat. Buuuut at the same time during their second FTE he warns her about what might happen if she continues to act the way she does and it’s actually very insightful? And, well, turns out to be true. It’s also kind of ironic considering that ultimately he also couldn’t catch the mastermind and had to sacrifice his own values in the process.

I think that Kokichi also has a lot of respect towards Kaede, which is seen in how he says goodbye to her and states that she wasn’t boring. I think a lot of this respect comes from the fact that in contrast to other students she actually tried to do something to stop the killing game. She went about it the wrong way but considering how extreme the situation they were in was… it makes a lot of sense and I think Kokichi understands that. He’s later shown to be very frustrated with the passiveness of others and how they kind of just accept the situation and hope that the power of friendship will solve everything. Both he and Kaede refuse to just stand and watch as people die and even though they both ultimately fail, they are also the ones who actually do something and pay the highest price for it. Same can be said about Amami, which is why chapter one is so tragic.

Anyways, that’s just my own personal interpretation, you don’t have to agree with it! Also, I hope that this word vomit makes sense, I tend to jump from one topic to another.

In conclusion, I think their in-game relationship is super interesting and I would honestly love to see more of it. And it gets even better if you add Kaito to the mix because all three of them are one of the most important characters in the entire game and the impact they all had on the story is very interesting. Not to mention that they shape Shuichi into the person he is at the end of the game and it’s fascinating to watch as he evolves throughout the game.

#ndrv3 #kaede akamatsu #ouma kokichi #ndrv3 killing harmony #ndrv3 spoilers #analysis #does it count as meta?#I have no idea #it took ages to write #and I probably have much more to say about the topic but #it's insanely long anyway

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