#I figured I'll make this post to connect but I'm honestly not really expecting for anything to come out of it

[chalk-homunculus]

It's that time again where I use tags I normally avoid to indicate my existence to other people. I've been getting mildly frustrated not having anyone to talk to about Genshin, so that's why. Especially because Fontaine is just around the corner and I'll drive all our friends (none of whom play genshin) mad if I don't find someone or someplace to direct my rambles at.

Anyway, we play the game on EU servers mainly, but do have some alts on other servers including US server. I'm not necessarily looking for anyone to play the game with me, but I'm not opposed to that either.

It should be obvious from the tags I used alone that I am an introject of Albedo (and it's also my name), and we are a system (DID). Physically we're 24 years old, and not really interested in making friends younger than 20 years old, apologies. Also, I won't tolerate anyone who gets weird about introjects or treats me with no distinction to the source character. I'm my own person (and it took me an unfortunately long time to sort that out mentally to begin with)

Also, please leave me alone if you are or support end0genics or any form of "non-dissociative disorder-system", thank you.

[2isted-chocol8-art]

question about time buddies cus im curious: 1) are they dating in the comics you make? they kiss and cuddle and be cute, but like are they together together? and 2) how did they get together, if so? like how did they confess? or did it just happen? basically im asking what are ur headcannons for how they start smooching? i lovelovelove all the time buds art youve made and the thought just came up that, well, theyve gotta start kissing somehow yknow?

Ohhh this is gonna be a very fun ask to answer where I'll pour a bunch of headcanons, so buckle up!!

I haven't yet settled on how I picture hearthian relationships, but I know that I want to make them kinda fluid. That is, relationships aren't strictly divided in platonic and romantic, it's normal and accepted to have crushes in friends, or to make out and sleep with people without romantic feelings involved. Each hearthian has their own preferences too, and since their population is quite small, there isn't a set standard. Some people choose to be exclusive, others don't. Some have many romantic experiences, others have none. For some, romance and sex are linked, while for others it is not. And since everyone is different in this regard there are not societal expectations on this, you can kinda go and try whatever works for you.

For hatchy, they are still figuring themself out and they were experimenting before the loop. They don't fully distinguish between romantic and platonic affection yet, the line is kinda blurred for them (for now, anyways). Meanwhile, while Gabbro does make that distinction and they've have a few previous crushes, they're pretty open to making out with friends without the need for romantic feelings. Gabbro usually puts the focus on the other person's preferences, in that sense.

And so, are they dating? Honestly you can interpret them as you like, and I encourage people to see them as dating if they want, or not if they don't want to. You can even see them as strictly friends in some drawings and as dating in others, I don't really want you guys to follow my 'canon', in that sense.

For me personally though, I think that since they're in a time loop, they don't really bother with defining their relationship. They're the only conscious ones in the loop, they like to spend time together, they sometimes make out, but they arent technically dating, that label doesn't really make sense in the loop, right? From outside, I'd say it's close to a friends with benefits situation.

I also like to think that, in my post-loop comics, this relationship would start to get more defined with time, mostly because they're living back into a society and it kinda forces them to think about what they want regarding each other. I haven't thought much about the details, but I feel that although their dinamic doesn't change much compared to what they had in the loops, they do start having some 'dating' dynamics (they set limits regarding phisical affection with others, manage jelaousy situations, expect to spend more time together, etc,).

And in regards to your second question, how did they get together? I think that they become friends only after the loops starts (they never really hung out before) and they gradually become closer. Then, after the touch starvation and isolation starts becoming unbearable, they start smooching and making out mostly as a consequence of that absence, an attempt to search for that connection. This obviously makes it all the more intense and they end up kind of attached to the hip for a time (codependency my beloved). But again it's all kinda casual and very gradual, there is not a set moment where everything starts and they don't bother defining it either. It's mostly a matter of 'hey, this feels nice, let's keep doing it".

If I'm being honest I picture this starting as in "Next Time" or "Got Weird", thise fics perfectly capture the essence of how I think anything would start between these two in-loop sksksk.

And I think that's all? Thank you so much for this ask, it was a blast talking about all of this! I have a lot of headcanons for these two, and although I encourage you all to interpret my drawings as you like, I love talking about all of this!

[cryptidcodex]

Been thinking today about pokemon polyamory and how frustrating it is to see people who are new to polyamory get hurt by these people taking advantage of ignorance.

If you're unaware, here's the video explaining pokemon polyamory:

Some people can handle 6+ partners. But if you're not communicating with your partners, setting expectations and giving them the attention they need and deserve, it's cheating. You're hurting people. And that cycle will continue indefinitely until you do something about it.

Leanna mentions in the video cis males, but the amount of trans people I've seen doing this is honestly unreal too. So don't let someone use their queer identity to distance themselves from accountability.

I'm newer to polyamory myself, and as much as I'd like to go crazy and have five or six partners and really explore the freedom of relationship anarchy, I know what my limits are, and am not willing to play with other people's emotions in the name of my "freedom". I'm tapped out at two partners.

That may change as I get older and my responsibilities shift. But even then my max will only ever be four.

Polyamory isn't about "how big can I make my polycule". Its not about speed running relationships or sex. Polyamory is about giving yourself the freedom to love openly without the shackles of toxic monogamy culture.

"But Cryptid, how do I figure out my limits and respect my partners while still exploring and respecting myself as well?" Good question! The first thing you should do is figure out what a romantic relationship means to you. Write it down.

Then anytime you're interested in someone, compare those definitions. If they're different, are you willing to change what you expect for that person? Is there a compromise? If not, you're incompatible. Which means the responsible thing to do is to move on.

For me, I like very deep intimate, soul bonding type relationships. Which is part of why my max is so low, because those connections take a long time to build and a lot of attention to healthily maintain. Even in polyamory, I date for a spiritual marriage. I am pagan, so that looks different from a traditional marriage, but I want all of my partners to be lifelong.

I also am a workaholic and a social butterfly. I love making friends. Which means that, reasonably, there is no way in hell I can divide my time fairly amongst so many partners.

Polyamory isn't for the faint of heart. It takes a lot of self awareness and shadow work. Its not just some fun side hobby. Whether you date more casually or more intimately like me, you need to be aware of the emotions and needs of the people you're engaging with, and take responsibility for how easy it is to cause hurt in these dynamics.

Communicate. What are your expectations of your partner? Of yourself? What is your goal for the future of your relationship? How much do you want to know about your partners other relationships? How much do you want to witness of your partners other relationships? Do they agree and feel the same? How much do you struggle with jealousy? Are any of these things subject to change?

And above all else, I encourage all polyamorous people: get a therapist. Whether you think you need it or not, you should be doing trauma work and self reflection. Even if you're monogamous this is important, but when you're polyamorous you're not just hurting one partner. You hurt every single partner you have if you don't do this work.

I'm sure I'll think of more to rant about on this topic after I hit post, but it's been on my mind a lot lately cause I'm so tired of watching people take advantage of the fletchlings in the polyamorous community.

[mysteli]

this is me trying (jake x f!mc - endless summer)

A/N: I've had a few people ask for more jake x mc fics and I haven't written one in years so I'm honestly really flattered people are still interested in my writing. Thank you, it means a lot. I wrote this one a while ago but figured I'd post it. I'm still working on my books. I just have a lot of stuff to balance at the moment. Hope you enjoy and if even 4 people want more, I'll write some more.

Summary: The whole group wound up in another Elysian Lodge centred on the other side of the island. Lo wakes up and notices Jake is nowhere next to her, which is odd because she remembers falling asleep on him. She gets up to find him.

She looks around the lodge that everyone was too exhausted to explore last night. Probably a mistake because anyone could have snuck up on them last night. Perhaps Lundgren’s soldiers know this was a place they could have chosen to hide in and are on their way right now. 

Lo’s mind had begun to spin to negative thoughts and she tried to pull it back to the reason she got up in the first place. She walks up a big staircase and stumbles upon a hallway of suites. She passes some doors until she reaches one with an ajar door. Curiously, she enters.

Immediately, she spots Jake, sitting on a couch that’s connected to a window. He’s just staring out at the snow. Lo can’t see his eyes but she already knows he’s not looking out of peace. The door creaked slightly as she walked in and she expected Jake to turn around. But he doesn’t. His eyes remain on the outside.

Lo stays put by the door for a moment, waiting for something from Jake. Still nothing. So, she slowly walks up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder so he knows it’s her.

“Jake…” She begins. “You okay?”

Jake doesn’t say anything back or tear his gaze away from the window. All he does is move his hand to where Lo placed hers. His grasp is comfortable, as he rubs his thumb over her skin. They stay like that for a few moments, as Jake clearly isn’t in the mood to talk right now. 

For the first time, he makes a noise. Even if it’s just a heavy sigh, Lo feels more hopeful for a conversation.

“Did you sleep okay?” Jake finally says, bringing some relief to Lo.

“I slept okay.” Lo answers. “Would’ve woken up better to your face though.”

Jake releases a low chuckle, a slight smile arriving on his face for a second. It disappears quickly and he sighs again. “Is that why you came looking for me?”

Lo moves to sit beside him, finally able to see his eyes. His stare still hasn’t moved from the window. “What’s so special about outside?” She asks, moving her eyes to the window as well. All she sees is a wasteland of snow, empty and hollow. One noticeable thing though is that it never seems to end.

“Nothing.” Jake mutters, hanging his head a little. “That’s why I keep looking.”

Lo tilts her head curiously at his extremely bleak comment. She leans against the wall at the other end of the seat, so she’s opposite Jake. He was right though. Something about the calm snowfall and wintery landscape screamed ordinary and perhaps that’s why Jake was so drawn to it. Nothing in their lives had been ordinary since they arrived on this island and the escape back to that normality was something they all longed for.

“It’s all my fault, Lo.” Jake suddenly mumbles, his tone completely defeated. “Lundgren found me. Somehow. I have no idea how but he did.” He hangs his head further down and his shoulders are tempted to fall with him.

Instinctively, Lo shifts closer to him, wanting to comfort him as best she could. “It’s not your fault. I think Rourke might’ve alerted him.” Of course Lo doesn’t know that but she’ll say anything to stop Jake from blaming himself.

“You say that but you don’t know.” It’s like he can read her thoughts. With that, he fixes his gaze on Lo, letting her finally see his eyes. “All of it is just insane. I finally tell you all about my past and it instantly comes back to bite me.” Jake’s words are laced with hurt and Lo can tell he’s trying his best to hide it. “Maybe they would’ve come earlier if I told you any sooner.”

At his words, Lo feels a tinge of guilt, since he’d already told her about his past much before all this. Would telling him that make him feel better or worse? She can’t decide.

“Jake…” That’s all she manages to say, while she fights with her own brain. 

Jake notices her indecisive expression and simply raises an eyebrow at her. “What?”

Realising the hole she’d already dug for herself, Lo relents. “You did. You told me about it before.”

Confused, Jake scans his girlfriend’s face, trying to figure out what she means. “I did?”

“Remember the first night we got together?” Lo mutters, causing Jake to release a breathy laugh. For a moment, she swears she could see him smile.

“Of course,” is all he responds with, taking her hand in his.

Lo blushes slightly at the tender contact, feeling more confident in continuing. “You told me about your past. All of it. Then, all the shit happened with Vaaryn.” Her expression begins to fall. “That necklace took me back to where I wanted to be, but it was before that conversation so you don’t remember it.”

“Ah.” Jake lets out, dropping her hand in the process and moving his own behind his head. 

Slightly saddened by the removal of his touch, Lo hesitantly continues. “I didn’t want to tell you that I knew out of respect for you. ‘Figured you would’ve told me again when you felt ready.” She sighs, realising that’s not what he did.

“I was going to.” Jake confirms, moving his hands from his head and placing them on his knees. “But there was never really a good time. With Diego getting kidnapped. The Vaanti and all that stupid bullshit. Didn’t want to add any more onto your plate.”

He hangs his head again, looking more defeated by the second. Lo shifted closer to him once again, tilting his chin with her finger so his eyes meet hers. She could tell he was growing tired of it all, even if his demeanour appeared strong and prepared in most of the danger they’d experienced. This was different. This was the first time she’d seen his eyes so full of dread.

“We both had our reasons then, I guess.” She tries to joke but it doesn’t really come out like one. Her tone starts to become just as shaky as his. However, Jake does let out a small chuckle.

“Yeah. We’re both trying.” Jake smiles again and this time it’s genuine. “I can promise you one thing though, Princess.” 

“What’s that?” Lo asks, smiling back at him.

“Lundgren’s not gonna touch you. I swear on that.” Jake’s gaze becomes serious and full of intent. “No one’s dying on my watch.” He cups Lo’s face and grazes his thumb over her cheek.

“No one.” Lo repeats his words, implying for him to stay away from his own demise too. “We’re not losing anyone.” She states sternly, pointing a finger on his chest.

As a reaction, he lets out a low chuckle. “Okay. I get it. You’re not over me attempting to sacrifice myself.”

Lo moves her hands to his neck and begins to stroke the bottom of his hair. “I don’t know what you mean. Of course I want everyone to live.” She arches her eyebrows at him, making sure she’s coming off direct. “You hear me?”

Smile growing wider, Jake wraps his hands around her waist. “Yes. I hear you.” He states back, pulling her in for a meaningful kiss.

[dnalt-d2]

Christ alive can anyone get a break right now??

(Ahem)

Update time, once again!

Also once again, it is a mixed bag

So to start off with, as most everyone knows, Pomme and Dapper's admins have resigned from their positions. This is incredibly unfortunate, and I honestly don't know what it's gonna mean for the French Creators who said they wouldn't stay on QSMP if Pomme's Admin was fired. Since she technically left of her own volition, I really don't know what they're gonna do

(Edit: I talk about Quackity's stream here but I don't speak Spanish so I can't personally say what was said exactly. Thankfully, it looks like someone JUST POSTED an English Translation so I'm just gonna drop the link here for anyone who wants to read it)

On another note: Quackity has finally given a slight update. For obvious reasons, he can't say anything specific, and I wouldn't have expected him to. But according to the translations I've seen so far, basically said that he can't update because the leaks that happened are creating added complications in the restructuring process. I'm assuming his reason for that is that he simply doesn't want anymore information to be leaked out, but unfortunately, that's just counterproductive to the miscommunication problem

AND SPEAKING OF MISCOMMUNICATION???

So as you all know, I've been in support of the French Union getting involved with this. As I've stated a dozen times now, Unions are meant to be resources, people who inform employees of their rights and do what they can to help them get those rights. As far as I know, one of the main things they do is mediate between the employees and the employers. But APPARENTLY the Union has not attempted to reach out to Quackity outside of Twitter. Which REALLY isn't all that professional. Twitter is a NETWORKING site. Meant to START building connections. Afterwards, people typically move onto email or even discord, which are way better equipped for the long-form communication that's about to have to happen

So even if Quackity WAS active on Twitter, which he isn't. And even if the Union DIDN'T know that, which they do. This isn't the right route to communicate. They have stated that he "has their email" and has to "reach out to them." They are apparently working on the logic that SOMEONE would have had to pass on the information to him by this point, which isn't a fair assumption at all, considering that we know there were Admins ALREADY hiding information from him before all this

They're acting like Quackity is the CEO of a major corporation, with COUNTLESS RESOURCES on-hand. Yeah he's the CEO of this business, but he's also a 23-year-old Twitch Streamer who in all likelihood is learning a LOT about running a business for the first time AS WE SPEAK. I'll tell you right now, when I was 23, I didn't know jack-shit, and I'd still say I don't most of the time. And the only reason I LEARNED jack-shit was because someone would actually TELL me about it. When someone makes mistakes, it REALLY helps them learn when someone is able to not just point out the mistake, but also HOW to fix it. I don't know how they're expecting him to grow from his miscommunication mistakes when they aren't willing to give him the chance to

And yes, there are MANY problems that need to be fixed, as I've said before. But Quackity did outright confirm some of the other things I've said too. That things ARE happening, and we aren't hearing about it. That we aren't GOING to hear about it. Which is fine. It makes sense. We aren't the people who need to know every step of the process. But he is going to have to figure out a better system for talking to the Admins. It's a real problem when he's communicating with people like Aypierre that Pomme's Admin has her job still, but didn't tell the Admin herself

There's still lots of problems, and I know it sounds like I'm just repeating myself, saying to wait and see, but in reality, there isn't much else we CAN do besides that and voice our support

This might be the last time I make a post on this for a bit, because this has been a little draining on me. Which I would normally be able to handle SUPER easy, I'm pretty good at handling stuff like this well enough. But now I've also got real-life stuff reminding me that no matter how much better things SEEM to be getting for me, something's gonna come smack me in the back of the head to remind me that actually things suck, and I just should've known better! And unfortunately that stuff requires my focus more than this. I'll still be here, watching everything, maybe commenting on stuff, but I might not be quite as vocal as I have been

Once again, I remind you all, take care of yourselves first and foremost. Whether it's physical, emotional, or mental, or whatever else. You matter more than the events taking place here right now. My support goes out to all of you, as well as the Admins who VERY WELL COULD BE SEEING THIS APPARENTLY. So I guess this message goes out to them as well lol. You guys rock and I've enjoyed all the contributions you've made

Anyways, see you all later

[venus-is-thinking]

DRDT Chapter 2 Episode 12: Initial Thoughts

Hello everyone! I thought it'd be fun to do a post going over some of my first thoughts from the episode after each release. "Initial" is a bit of a stretch, considering I did watch it a second time while making this post, but it's more "initial" in the context of being before the next episode drops. It's sort of like my "initial thoughts" of the Milgram MVs, which are actually the result of, like, 3 hours of obsessing and research, lol.

(By the way, @accirax and I watched the episode together, so apologies if her initial thoughts end up being, like, the same as mine.)

SPOILER WARNING FOR DRDT CH 2 EP 12!

T/W: Body image issues/body dysmorphia, murder, suicide

The Reactions

Confirmation of what I think most of us already suspected! I do think it's a little weird that Nico didn't bring up their testimony about all of the fish being there at the last time they fed the fish. That probably means it's being saved for later in the Trial, I guess?

It's okay Teruko, I saw literally no one in the entire fanbase figure this one out either!

Why is everyone so mean to her though. Everyone here has been an idiot in the Trials at LEAST once

God I missed David

This was so funny. Get his ass.

(In all seriousness, though, I do wonder if we're going to come back to what J said. I don't currently (?) think Arei was drenched, unless the real purpose of the water WAS just to confuse the time of death, so if the water didn't connect with her enough to cool her down, it might be weird that the body isn't warm after all.)

This took me out. Who let you say that. What.

Okay, but Ace, outside of a killing game... why. Like, literally why would a plastic surgeon need to know how to do an autopsy. King.

Like Felicity...? /hj

All in all, though, this was a really interesting character moment for Arturo! And god, the fact that he started learning medical knowledge and spedrun plastic surgery specifically since age 12 HAS to mean something. My vague theories of Felicity having struggles with body image/dysmorphia (Arturo's section of this post) are... maybe real???

Honestly, I'm starting to wonder if Arturo is going to go farther in this game. I don't expect him to survive or anything, but I could see it taking him a surprisingly long time to die. He feels like he's got too much lore to unpack to die, like, next chapter. Unless he gets HELLA focused next chapter, which is definitely possible.

This is so silly. I love them.

(Note: I'm not a Whit mastermind truther, but if I were, I would point out that MonoTV sort of covering up a rules violation for Whit could be relevant. I'm not a Whit mastermind truther though, so I think this is just a very silly joke a la "no wifi! why live :(" )

Well you see Eden, the killer would have actually had all night to prepare. If, say, they mentioned that they could dial in and focus on their work for like 14 hours straight, they could have gotten a lot done before 7:30 AM!

I'll talk about this more later, but the fact that J, David, Veronika, Hu and Nico seemingly have alibis that actually matter is so iconic. I can't believe that many theories died that quick. I'll talk about that more in my theories section, though!

It's been said before, but. Funniest fucking reaction to being declared innocent of murder.

"David still has a family history of depression even if that isn't his secret" nation where you at?

This one made me laugh out loud. Who does it like him

How truthful do we think David is in this next section? I refuse to believe it's 100% a lie, just because he's cooking SO hard on SOMETHING, but I could also believe David thinks he's lying to an extent. I could definitely see a "the best lies are based on the truth" kind of thing?

Also, damn. Xanvid really is real. LGI got me to believe it but WOW David's just being gay on main now

This was a really good, succinct way to have Teruko show her opposition to David's ideas. Even if it is to end the killing game or do something "good' or whatever, Teruko is still hurt and betrayed by what Xander did. Xander tried to kill her, and presumably would have tried to kill everyone else. David is now doing the same thing.

It's going to be really interesting if, whether genuine or not, David is kinda taking on Xander's position. That's going to give Teruko a reason to (outwardly) hate him even more. I'm really looking forward to learning more about how both Teruko and David view Xander.

Also, it's so fucking funny that Teruko and David are literally fighting over Xander. Like, valid, but. Guys.

(Also, David soooo knows Teruko's secret is the killing game is all your fault. Idk if he specifically knows that Xander's plan was to kill Teruko no matter what, but he's definitely caught on to some extent.)

This was crazy. Is Xander famous? Why would everyone recognize him? Like, did David just take particular notice of Xander because he's a simp, or is there something else going on?

Notably, it's also extremely interesting that David says "Even if you all lost a year of memories for this killing game." It almost implies that David didn't? What do you know???

Also, if David DOES have weird memories about this that no one else does, it's a really interesting comparison to Teruko remembering the existence of a killing game in the area investigation when she was talking to Veronika. Are these two getting special memory privileges because they're important? Or does everyone have some kind of memory that they all should have, but only one person knows each thing?

At first I was confused when David said this, because I really don't know how dear anyone in DRDT's life to him was other than Xander. But then I realized, if David is talking about killing 15 others and yourself, he's definitely still talking about Xander's mindset. Xander had something worth the lives of 16 people that he was trying to do.

I don't know how much David cares about ending the killing game. I wonder if "belief in Xander" is the thing he's willing to kill 13 people plus himself for?

I'm starting to get REALLY curious what J's deal is. Between this and her voiced line earlier in the trial saying something along the lines of "it's like you all still haven't grasped just how serious murder is," she definitely seems to have strong opinions on specifically the morality of killing other people. WHY is she being singled out with these beliefs, what does it say about her, and where is her character headed?

(If she is the mastermind, does this couple with the "all murderers must be held accountable" rule?)

"Any answer" is so funny. I think she's looking for the truthful answer, David. This is why no one believes you when you say anything ever /aff

Notably, this is VERY similar to the plan Eden came up with that Veronika described: using the fact that TV shows need entertainment to continue to end the killing game. It's the same thing, but with a much more depressed "everyone should just give up" kind of flavor.

The level of similarity does make me think David is probably not being 100% truthful, and that he just repurposed Eden's escape plan to be something sort of similar to what he was going for.

I do think that he WAS trying to defeat the killing game by killing people through the class trial. I just think that, between Xander's actions and the motive secret he received, he was trying to kill Teruko specifically. Yet another way that David's unhinged behavior ties into the Chapter 2 secrets.

*Hu hopeless child looms in the distance*

I'm so glad that Hu gets to pop off though. She really hasn't gotten, like, any content in the series so far. Here's hoping this is kicking off her getting a bunch of time to shine!

Interesting that they had both Ace and Hu cut Nico off in this interaction. The staging definitely implies that they're trying to show that while Ace is wrong for talking over Nico and not letting them say anything, Hu is also wrong to an extent for not letting Nico defend themself and running to their rescue all the time.

I am begging you. Please discuss the murder method. I didn't realize until my rewatch of the trial that they have actually literally not talked about the murder method at ALL except for telling David that he doesn't know shit about it.

HUH?????????????

Theory Update/Analysis

Well, I'm gonna start this off by saying that I'm still pretty locked into Eden being the killer. We still need to address the tape, and I personally still found her to be decently shifty now behavior wise (she seemed nervous when we turned back to solving the trial, and she says something about "it's too hard to narrow down the killer :/" when people were talking about morning alibis). I just think it makes the most sense.

While obviously my logic for why Levi would be the accomplice has to be at least somewhat flawed, given Levi's surprise confession (!!!), I still think it's possible that Levi is the accomplice here. He could be doing this to further confuse/complicate the state of things (hence why he calls it leading people astray), and it's possible he's not being 100% honest here.

Something that Levi could be doing here is taking control of the situation and spinning the truth in his favor. Hu mentioned earlier (e11, I think?) that the secrets are phrased dramatically. Similarly, Levi may be trying to offer an explanation for his secret that might be more tame, but still believable.

For example, if Levi says that he killed one of his parents because of the circumstances he grew up in, but it turned out that his parents were extremely abusive to him in some way (cough cough Amane Momose), wouldn't people be more willing to forgive the fact that he's a "murderer"? There are different levels to the culpability of murders.

So, it's definitely possible this is still an attempt by Levi to conceal the truth of his secret. It's true that, right now, no one's really trying to match all of the remaining secrets up with the remaining secret holders in-universe, but the entire fanbase pretty much slam dunked this one. Once the content of the secrets was revealed, it wasn't too difficult to track the origin of this secret to Levi. Levi might know that, and might be trying to spin it in a positive way while he can get everyone's attention and tell everyone the same narrative here in the class trial.

I don't think any Levi accomplice or killer truthers have to fully give up on the idea, or at least not until we see what Levi actually says after this. It's a WILD topic to reveal we're going to talk about, but we haven't actually talked about it yet. If we were told "we get David's motivations for trying to throw the trial," I doubt literally any of us would have locked in the prediction of "David is trying to follow in Xander's footsteps by killing everyone via the trial because he kind of remembers Xander." So, until next week, I'm keeping an open mind!

This was insane. I can't believe we actually got a new episode, and that we're gonna KEEP getting new episodes until the chapter finishes. What the fuck!!!

[mvost]

TW vent

honestly I just don't know where I should or supposed to put it. it'd be better to keep to myself, but I feel like my own thoughts will harm me more than help others. if you choose to read it — you burden yourself with my worries by your own will. if you decide to reply, be mindful. feelings are complicated, and so are sensetive topics. thanks

those are some sketches I did as some kind of vent to feel better. I don't think I ever made something so self-indulgent, even if they look useless and empty. when I thought about turning my mind into drawing, I couldn't connect to anyone but Mikey. I really wanted it to be someone I aspire to be, someone who's a better and smarter version of myself so I can feel nice about it, but I don't think I'm able to do it. I might be doing the same thing with Mike I myself fear the most, not taking him seriously or simply disregarding him as the second option.

last few months I didn't feel too good about my art or myself. it's a lot of thoughts, and I expressed them as best as I could only for drawing to be the same figure in different clothes. it all means something, but when people see it they can only say what it is for a fact - lifeless shit. I'm being harsh, but everyday I feel so dissapointed in myself. drawing another mindless character, I feel like I'm wasting someone else's time. I just wish people would unfollow me, so I can feel unimportant and so I can finally just be here and not bother someone who I actually care for. I am tied to others opinions and acceptance, but it'd be so much easier if it was just crashed once for good. this doesn't make many sense, but, again, it's a vent. I won't expect much from me.

I felt like a second option so much. it's kinda dissapoiting, seeing myself get worse and worse. I get so genuienly upset when this one person jokes about me being somehow stupid, even if it's all about what I actually did or do. I look up to them like some kind of inspiration, and I know why they're better. they try, they spend their time, they struggle so much and yet they manage to keep doing all these things everyday as if it's normal. it is, it's just me being so fucking lazy. I know that when people talk to me they only do so because they know my friend, and I don't even mind all that much anymore. every connection I have outside of them makes me cling to it so hard it's embarrassing. I love them. and I mean it, I don't even lie in this post — this is simply what it is. I love them so much and I'd never wish them any harm or envy them, I know how and why they get what they do and I only hope that they'll keep getting better. it's just that I don't feel like I deserve being here, much less exist. I'm dumb, I'm talentless, I'm lazy, I'm so awkward and I can't even function like normal human being. having flaws in pronunciation and having to adjust your every word so people won't ask you to repeat as you get more and more embarrassed is genuienly disgusting. I hope I'll end this one day.

usually I'm the optimistic one, and I just continued with it as some kind of character trait I have to follow. I'm loud and open and don't have shame and I hate this to pieces, but I also wonder if they'd be able to replace me if I'm just too out of place. if I'm being extra, maybe I'm worth this little something and love I get. lately, I've been just apathetic. I zone out so much and usually don't pay attention, and I'm ashamed. I'm such a crybaby, but even that is better than just feeling so tired you're not sure if you can keep going. I hate myself and how I look or sound, and this is just gross. I'm gross, in any way and capacity. I don't deserve anything I get and I don't deserve my family nor connections. I feel like I trick everyone, getting so anxious before getting closer just because I don't know if they secretly hate me — it's worse when I can tell they don't. when they actually like my company, even if they can do so much better. I'm sorry if I don't respond. I just don't want to burden anyone else.

I don't look pretty, and I don't like what I do. I'm just sorry and tired. bye

[ofmermaidstories]

Hi Mermie!! I'm such a big fan of you and your writing has genuinely comforted me during some really tough times, you're the absolute best i'm hooked and forever grateful for the fact that you share these pieces of art with us!!! It makes me want to get into writing honestly, but i've never done it before so i feel like i'll do bad, and i'm also not someone who's big on social media presence so i feel like nobody will see it if i don't promote it somewhere else, additionally i don't know all the intricacies of posting on AO3!! Like i know you can't copy and paste your WIP from word directly there has to be things to consider surely?? This is so discombobulated i'm sorry 😵‍💫😵‍💫

I post from mircosoft word into the New Story/Chapter function on ao3!!!!!!!! 🥹 Honestly, you can work your way around the fiddly stuff with the site—it looks more overwhelming than it is. 😌 but for everything else: just do it!!! write!!!!!!!!!! write write write!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don’t fret too much about like, needing a social media for promo. what you want the social media for is to connect with people who otherwise might not wanna comment on ao3 itself, or lurk more around here, etc etc. 🥺 you want the social media to entertain yourself with, to post your musings on your chapters or your playlists, or even your fears about the whole thing. 🥺 if people find your account and your stories via that then ooo, bonus. 🥹 the hardest pill to swallow with like, doing anything online for recognition (comments, notes, kudos, etc etc) is that beyond the love you pour into the work itself, you can’t control anything else about its reception. 🥺 how people respond to it (and you by extension) depends on a range of factors!!! what time you post (weekends are better, sundays US-time best), what fandom and ship you’re writing for, whether or not it’s a school holiday (american summers tend to be pretty quiet, i’ve noticed), just—stuff!! some of them you can try to anticipate (like when you post), but others are outta your hands (if a particular ship is popular in that moment, or whatever). I was pretty lucky in that I found myself in the fandom during the perfect time—x reader fics in general were all over my FYP on tiktok, BNHA was even more popular than usual, and everyone was still a little stir-crazy from the original upheaval that was COVID breaking out and isolating us all. and the thing is, when i started it was just me entertaining myself, both with the fic and being on this blog. i hadn’t made any friends, i didn’t know anyone in the fandom like, at all, even just as a friendly lil mutual follow—i just puttered around and got excited when a couple of people were nice to me about the fic. my experience of the community only really changed when i made my first real friend, because i suddenly had someone to scream about BNHA and fics in general with. 🥹 I dunno (I can’t remember) if I’ve ever talked about it here on the blog, but like, there was a wild difference in how it felt to write surrender when it was just me pottering around lalalaing, vs. when i started in on the deku fic and suddenly realised that there were outside expectations for it, LOL. which is why i say just write!!! it’s hard feeling like you’re pouring all this love and hard work into a void that’s indifferent to it, but it’s also so so much fun when you start out just wanting to tell a story for the thrill of it!!! It’s like… when you first get your driver’s license, maybe. 🥹 In that sweet in-between before you realise how expensive cars are and how much damage they can cause. It’s just the excitement of having wheels that can take you wherever you wanna go, to a friend’s house or to get ice-cream or to sit at some lookout and just think about things. Write the story you want, the story you wanna read, and all the other pieces—figuring out how to post it and whether or not people will find it—will fall into place afterwards. 🥹 Just start writing!!!!!!!! You deserve the fun of piecing together something you love. 🎐🪟🌷🌿

[lovesickblood]

┣▇▇▇═── INTRO TIME~! ᐢ.ˬ.ᐢ

Likes/Follows will come from @anarchivalsystem.

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷➳❥ Himiko Toga 🩸 Adult

Cis-Ish 💉 ‿ She / ꒰ Her ꒱

: ̗̀❥Me first~! I don't really care what people think about me or my canon, I just wanted a place to reblog all the things I find pretty or cute! Also to gush about my girlfriend(s?) or partner(s?) and show how I love them in my own way - with their consent of course~.

Don't really have a DNI, but if you're uncomfortable with yandere/toxic love type stuff you miiiiight wanna go somewhere else since we all kinda have that in common! I help give Archival a healthier outlet for some attachment issues they've worked hard to overcome, so don't go comparing me to people actually looking for that dynamic IRL thanks~!

꒰ঌ❤︎໒꒱ Gotta figure out what identity/kin stuff goes here for me - definitely some kinda animal connection going on, but we'll see! Keeping things short for now~.♡

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷➳❥ Kotonoha Katsura 🩸 Adult

CisGender 🗡 ‿ She / ꒰ Her ꒱

: ̗̀❥ ...Truth be told I don't know how active I'll be. But if I reblog anything it will go here.

DNI if you want to talk about my source at all, honestly. I would really... Really prefer to leave that behind me. All of it...

I don't know why I'm here. I don't have any particular identity affiliations or anything. I'm... Kind of nothing right now. ...Sorry.

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷➳❥ (Feeder's) Folly 🩸 Adult

Agender 💉 ‿ Any / ꒰ All ꒱

: ̗̀✙ Introject formed during a VERY long fixation with the song Butcher Vanity! Still figuring myself out but this is definitely the blog for me. >3 Expect a lot of beautiful flesh & lovely gore that I can't promise I'll remember to tag. ^^;

DNI if you conflate fiction with reality - me existing doesn't mean we actually want to hurt anyone, obviously!

𓉳Identity/kin stuff will go here, just like the others - still sorting all that out myself but resonating a lot with... Foxes, maybe? Not positive yet. ^^

I'm also technically a sort of... shared presence? SubSystem connection, maybe, with Lexi from the Warren subsystem in here. Electric Love Plushie Dreadful introject. More on the sweet attachment side than me~. She'll probably post here under my tags or make her own tag.

That's it from us - Toga, Katsura and Folly/Lexi!

Feel free to ask us things, or not. Just don't be mean~!

[ilwinsgarden]

My thoughts on and impressions of the latest Doctor Who specials and Power of the Doctor

So I finally watched everything so I've thought I could write it down here in case someone would like to read it and... whatever. So let's get into it, shall we?

I watched the Power of the Doctor as the last one (actually just now finished watching it) and I'm really glad I did it but I'll write about it at the end as well (or should I make a separate post?), so first the so-called anniversary specials. First of all, I wasn't happy about that thing with David Tennant (i.e. regenerating into David Tennant). Not that I'd think something like "this couldn't happen" or something like that (honestly with everything that did happen in Doctor Who so far, there's basically nothing that couldn't happen. It's just things that some people would like more and some less), it's just... not fair? Also it feels more like a special episode for Red Nose and not a regular one(s). Anyway, I still watched it (partly because of the fact that the Doctor became Disney princess and I happen to have Disney+ so I could watch Doctor Who as easily as snap of the fingers.) and I enjoyed it more than I expected. No, no excitement, no hopping in joy, but still generally enjoyed watching. However there still were things that bugged me like: -despite the Doctor looking like Tenth Doctor, everyone suddenly magically knew that it's regeneration after Thirteen. How?? -Donna said she forgot again everything that she knew from that TimeLord part in her, but she (and Rose as well) knew that the Doctor was a woman before. How? (by the way this whole thing that the part of Time Lord that was in Donna (and then Rose) all the years was still in connection with the Doctor somehow so it "knew" what was happening to the Doctor... eh. Doesn't sound right to me either, sorry). -moving to second special and Donna's shouting when Tardis abandoned them on the spaceship. (this is something I already complained about in a short post before) She remembered travelling with the Doctor, so she knew what could go wrong (everything) and how often (basically everytime), yet she insisted she would like to go in the Tardis and do the short trip and when something went wrong she immediately went crazy, shouting and demanding she has to go back home. Seriously, Donna? %/ - I mentioned earlier that regenerating Thirteen back into Tenth Doctor (sorry, he's just the same, he's not Fourteenth to me. It would make somewhat sense if he looked the same (except age obviously) but acted differently.) felt unfair to me and even more when he didn't regenerate but divided himself (and the Tardis), like... eh, no, not fair. Which brings us to the special with Celestial Toymaker. I was looking forward to it and curious because Celestial Toymaker is one of my favourite classic who stories so I was curious how he'd be in NuWho. I liked him (though I didn't quite get why he had that sort of a German accent??) and rather enjoyed the episode. Except for that "regeneration" thing at the end of course as I already said. Anyway the biggest complaint I would have about the specials is that for me they didn't feel like anniversary specials. Moreover 70th anniversary. Not even one of them.

Now probably a few words to the Christmas special and first look at the new Doctor. He seems good (like... good for the Doctor. As the Doctor. Doctor-y.) and I think I'll enjoy watching his episodes. As for Ruby... I'm not sure. She somehow seems very similar to other previous Doctor Who companions like Rose (Tyler) or Clara. You know, like... yes, it's a different actor and looks more or less different but somehow doesn't differ that much. I didn't think of it when watching, but when thought of it now I think I figured out why I wasn't excited about her. It's not that I didn't like her, I just... don't care about her. But we'll see when we see her (them both) in more episodes I guess? Probably.

And now I finally got to Thirteenth's regeneration story - Power of the Doctor. I finally gained courage today to watch it (because I love Thirteen, I don't want to see her go, right?) and I'm really, really glad that I watched it after all the specials, because this - to me - felt much more like an anniversary special than all the Tenant specials together. I didn't like to see Thirteen go but otherwise, I LOVED it. Of course I knew there's gonna be Ace and Tegan but didn't know how much. And I didn't avoid spoilers so I caught there's gonna be more "old familiar faces" but didn't search for the details and also partly forgot about it. So seeing the previous old Doctors made me smile (and drop a tear), seeing Tegan and Ace in action was so brilliant, and that therapeutic session at the end? Top-notch. Can we have a spin-off out of this? However that anniversary feeling wasn't because of seeing all the old familiar faces, but how it was put in the story and how it all was done and just... it was great and wonderful and I really really loved it.

And that's probably all I wanted to say. If you read the whole thing, congratulations and you're welcome to leave a comment... no? OK, never mind. Good night! (it's 22.27 here)

[cucumbermoon]

Hello! I just wanted to say, I was browsing old Indeedsir posts as is my wont, and I came across your Meet the Family fic, and I really really love it and have read it multiple times. It's still open in a tab on my phone right now. I like Rebecca, she feels like a fleshed out real person and a believable Jeeves relative. I love outsider POV fics where you have to read between the lines, and I think you did that really well in that Rebecca doesn't have the information to understand straight away what she's seeing, but we understand perfectly what's going on between J and B. The contrast between her (understandable) assumptions about how a rich employer would be expected to treat her brother and what becomes clear is the actual reality is so !!!! The way she describes the way Reginald talks about Bertie makes me feral. She thinks Bertie is an idiot but we know he's just babbling because he's nervous about meeting Reg's family!! I adore the way Bertie and Reg are clearly communicating with each other nonverbally from the moment they get there. The moment where Jeeves looks at Bertie chidingly and Rebecca assumes there's no way Bertie could have picked up on it, but then she realizes he looks contrite made me want to scream!!! BEST moment (and there were a LOT of great moments). I love love love your characterization of Bertie, the way he's brilliant in his own way and shows hints of hidden vulnerabilities and is just INCANDESCENTLY in love with Jeeves. The way he tells the swan story oh my god!! (it's funny how we were just talking about that on that tumblr post recently!) Some of the dialogue made me laugh out loud.

There's so much more I want to say but I'm actually not sure how long asks are allowed to be, and I don't know if you even check LJ anymore and I honestly can't figure out how LJ works anyway, but if you ever saw your way to posting it on AO3 I would love to comment on it. I want to write a book report on it. I want to put it in a blender and drink it. I want to boil it down to a tincture and sprinkle drops of it on everything. It's SO GOOD.

Oh, wow. First of all, I am relatively new to tumblr and I don't know how to answer asks other than publicly, so hopefully this is all right! And no, I haven't logged into LJ in over a decade and I have no idea how to do it anymore!

Thank you so much. It's incredible to get any kind of feedback at all on a story I wrote fourteen years ago, but especially getting feedback like this is just incredible. I was (obviously) a much younger and less experienced person when I wrote my little smattering of Jeeves and Wooster fics, and though I have thought of them from time to time I didn't really have the courage to go back and read them again until you wrote to me.

Thank you for reaching out, for opening that door again. I spent last night rereading my Jooster stuff from when I was in my early twenties and it felt like reconnecting with a version of myself I'd almost forgotten. I never really thought about posting my old stuff on AO3, but I'm going to consider it. I will let you know if I do. I remember at the time I intended this particular story to be a part of a series, and I actually have half a chapter each of a story from the perspective of Bertie's sister (that mysterious person!), and Jeeves' uncle Charlie that I was going to add. Maybe I'll dust those off and try to finish them! I also happen to be a huge sucker for outsider POV, so it would be a lot of fun to play around with that series again.

Finally, I am so deeply pleased that you enjoyed it. I know anyone who produces art of any kind hopes that they can make some connection with someone or bring some joy into the world, and it absolutely delights me to know that something I wrote made you happy for a while. I appreciate your generosity in writing to me. Readers like you make writing so much better. People like you make life better.

And yes, it's so funny that we were talking about the swan thing like three days ago. I had forgotten I wrote that same sentiment in a fic a decade and a half ago. I guess none of us change as much as we think we do!

Thank you again. You've made my day, maybe week, maybe month.

[vt-scribbles]

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

🌿how does creating make you feel?

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

💞what’s the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn’t think it would take you?

🍭why did you start writing?

💎why is writing important to you?

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you’ve finished a fic?

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Kept it to the questions that were positivity-oriented because, well, asking you to think about the rougher aspects of fandom writing doesn't feel like a nice thing to do, but if there are any other questions you wanted to answer, feel free to do so!

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

Another one of my fave comment types is people who just... liveblog their reactions. Nothing fancy. They just write reactions or thoughts as they read along. I love these so much because they let me watch a reader's thought process, and it lets me know where I'm tripping up or where I'm conveying things exactly how I want. Plus, I just LOVE seeing people experience the story blindly, because, well, it's the one thing that I as the author cannot do. I'll never get to experience my writing as a reader. I know all the secrets.

🌿how does creating make you feel?

It's the closest to 'magic' I can get. Creating something from nothing but the thoughts in your head. And sometimes these thoughts connect with other people? I'm weaving words or images from NOTHING, and it's doing SOMETHING? that's incredible.

Not to mention, it's always an addicting feeling when characters start to come to life on their own. Or, when pieces of your plot start to click together. It's as satisfying as making progress on a puzzle, except you know the puzzle is going to look absolutely incredible at the end and you can't wait to show it to people.

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

My writing can be very 'cartoonish' at points, and I adore that. I love writing my stories so that an animated film/show plays in the reader's head.

💞what’s the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

Definitely the characters. Plot and worldbuilding are a very close second. It depends on what type of story I'm following. If it's a fairly simple story, the characters need to shine. If it's a complex world with lore and twists and turns, the worldbuilding needs to be tighter. But I mostly care about our characters being at least interesting to watch. You could have a great setting and such but if the characters are boring, I'm not going to watch/read.

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

Honestly, The Harvester! We didn't expect so many people to connect with it, or to be able to look past its rougher edges as a "copy-pasted roleplay between two nerds".

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn’t think it would take you?

I'll instead talk about a chapter of The Harvester that was hard to write. There's a future episode where Hema reflects on some of the bad things he's done, in a very down-to-earth conversation with someone. I think about this chapter a lot because it was written right after my car accident in 2017, which was my first near-death experience. I was in a bad place mentally, and the breakdown Hema ends up having is very similar to a real-life breakdown I had while visiting a friend's house. Reliving that very raw and upsetting feeling was hard on me, but it made the scene hit harder and it felt more honest, which wound up improving it, in the end.

🍭why did you start writing?

I'm not really sure! I had ideas, and I wanted to get those ideas down. I started writing after finishing Fullmetal Alchemist, and I wanted to have my own animated show some day. Now that I'm older, I understand that a book series would be way more affordable haha. I actually almost stopped writing because my highschool english teacher told me to 'give it up, you'll never go anywhere with this,' and to this day that spite has mixed with love and passion for the craft and drives me forward.

💎why is writing important to you?

Because it's the closest thing I have to magic. Like a fish has to swim, I have to take people on journeys. To make their existences easier. To make life a little more fun or creative for them, for a time. I want my stories to be an escape for those who need out, and shelter for those who need to hide.

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you’ve finished a fic?

So this is an odd one for me to answer because I do chapter-by-chapter releases and haven't finished a whole story yet. But my after-chapter-posting routine is usually 'go to sleep, get snacks, and keep Gmail open on the side in case of comments.' Sometimes I go back and re-read it, or I doodle something for the chapter.~ But tbh at this point, it's a pretty casual thing for me.

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

It helps me feel like I'm part of the world. Like my stories make me more real, because it's one of the few modes of human connection that I have. I can reach out and connect to people that I may never even speak to, but a tiny part of me lives on in their story because they read something I wrote. Or maybe something stuck with them, or they got new friends because of it. The world is one big story and I'm just looking to have a few cameos in it.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

How abouuut... the first draft of Find Your Wings' prologue? ;3

[secretsguarded]

February Recap

Photo Dump!

Dear Diary,

To start out, that break up was one of my best decisions even though its taking a toll on me still. The job interview I had at my local zoo was so ridiculous. I was essentially offered the job in the interview but the day I was meant to get a call about scheduling a background check I got an email saying I was no longer qualified. 30 phone calls and a visit later I find out it'd because someone when over her head and hired other people. But! I did get an interveiw at the place I interned and am waiting to hear back from them! I thin it went well so fingers crossed. If it doesn't work out I have connections to hopefully get me into working with domesticated animals, which will also be fun!

The weekend of my ex-partner's birthday party, I returned their things nicely folded and organized and got a lump of things back including things that weren't min. I don't care, mine now I guess because I never want to see them again. Which apparently is mutual considering they (and the whole new polycule including my other ex) blocked me at the end of the month because they're "happy in a relationship" and are posting so much ship content in cosplay but never even thought to make things with me. Regardless, while I was in the area returning their stuff, I went to a good friends house and got to spend time with them. While updating them on how my relationship deteriorated, they said something along the lines of that they had hidden their red flags really well and there sure are a lot of them.

The rest of the month pretty much was just classes. I have been talking with and hanging out with a few classmates that I know and one of them I have been planning to go to a convention with. I also got to convince my best friend to go with us. I got to visit her again this month and we're talking more finally too (both of us just tend to forget but it's not personal). She's been my rock through this break up and heard about everything leading up to, during, and after. She's been watching me get my spark back (which yes, its coming back) and I am so thankful for her. On the academic side of things, classes started this month and are going well. Myths is honestly the one class I'm worried about but that's because he's hard to follow. I think I can figure it out but if not I'll take another half semester class. My thesis is going well too. I'm on schedule and have completed m first chapter!!!! I'm about half way through the minimum requirements for my literature review so hopefully that continues to go well. I should have the whole thing finished by the end of March.

For more fun things, if you see the big shopping bag in the photo dump, that only cost $6 and is helping me round out my closet into an actual wardrobe. I got 14 items in there: 1 bodysuit, 2 dresses, 3 pairs of shorts, and 8 skirts (one for cosplay only). And I got to go to monster jam! I haven't gone for a few years but I love it so much (it definitely doesn't match up with peoples expectations of me lol). I've also been pouring almost any free time into setting up my cosplay stuff (I restarted my account after the breakups because I sadly have no clue who I can trust anymore and would rater let people come to me) and planning for metro. If anyone sees this and want to follow cosplay stuff, here's a link (https://www.instagram.com/averageleafcosplay/). I want to get back to doing cosplay for fun. Its cosPLAY ffs not a beauty or popularity contest. These fun things have really helped me in getting my spark back from these breakups and I couldn't be happier about it. It a slow process, but it's working and I'm getting my spark back again.

I think that all covers the highlights (and lowlights) of my month. As Hannah Elise says, if you made it this far, you're a real one. Have a good month and I'll see you at the end of March <3

[cheerfulmelancholies]

Feel free to ignore this vent post about being ace. I'm just feeling a little irritated about some things is all. It's just a whole lotta rambling below the cut.

So for me, the biggest frustration to being asexual is the way those around me perceive it. There's the usual "you just haven't met the right one" or "how do you know you don't like sex if you've never had it?" and, of course, the ever–present "so you're a virgin?"

It's maddening. Because for starters it is not their business to know. I could dislike sex for any number of reasons that are all valid. I don't need to give anyone an answer they can handle for them to respectfully mind their own business. I shouldn't need to. Just like how people can say they don't like a certain food someone else does and move on, they should be perfectly capable of giving a "I don't really get it but ok."

I just… It's so hard to deal with, especially with family. I'm not actually out to anyone yet, but I've made less–than–subtle hints. Either everyone I know is an oblivious idiot or they know but think they can convince me to "fix" it. There isn't anything to be fixed here. I'm perfectly content the way I am, and I've finally figured myself out and accepted it (and it only took twenty–something years for me to even realize I was ace to begin with).

There really isn't much rhyme or reason to this post. I just wanted to get some things off my chest. Like how my father keeps making comments and hinting at how he hopes he'll live long enough to see me get married and have children. No matter how many times I tell him to quit, that I have no desire to have children and how I'm not interested in getting married. Honestly I find pregnancy repulsive but that's just me. If—and I mean IF—I ever chose to have kids, it would be adoption. But I can't seem to get him to grasp any of that. He just thinks I'll "change my mind one day" or tells me how it's sad my generation isn't having kids. As if the state of the world alone isn't a good enough indication of why.

But anyway. I guess I'm just upset because I feel like I can't fully be myself even among friends. Because when the conversation inevitably steers back to relationships, there's always that hidden question of "why don't you want companionship, Mel?" Trust me, I do. I like the idea of having a close bond with someone, just… minus the sex and the romance and all the things that everyone seems so obsessed with.

It's not easy for me to trust people, so even before my ace–ness comes into play I've already put some walls up. I can't even blame this on any sort of trauma or event; I'm just ✨like that✨ So obviously it makes it difficult and uncomfortable for me to connect with people, and in turn they see me as standoffish and cold.

And the worst part is (not really because, again, I've learned and accepted this part of myself. It's just the views and expectations of those around me that sucks) I'm also aromantic. I've been going between a couple different labels. But yeah. The fact is I just don't crave a romantic bond in the same way so many people do. Case in point: One of my friends once set me up with someone and we orchestrated a meetup between a whole group of us. It was to keep things from getting awkward and I did have a nice time hanging out. But there were some things this guy did that I wasn't really a fan of, and I just didn't feel that "spark" people always talk about.

I still went against my gut and gave it a couple weeks of talking to him, but in the end the feelings just weren't there. I couldn't envision myself in a relationship with him and I didn't have a want for a relationship with him either. I cut things off before he could get too invested and I know from my friend that he was bummed and hurt about it. We're all still on good terms despite the occasional awkward moment, but yeah.

Now maybe it was just because he wasn't the "right" one. I don't know and I don't care. Because for as long as I can remember, I've never had a desire to find the perfect husband or whatever. When I was younger and all the other girls were talking about crushes and what their weddings would look like, I was off doing my own thing. Usually talking with the other gamer nerds or just off listening to music. I'm one of those aces who thought all the sex and romance hype of high school and even college was just an exaggeration. It took me a few years of being out of all that to realize that people meant it.

I really wish there wasn't so much stigma around asexuality. I don't have any sexual desire towards anyone. So what? Why does it even matter so much to some people? I mean, I know why, mostly, but surely it can't be that difficult to suck it up and worry about yourself.

…I'm not entirely sure why I bothered to type all this, but if there's one positive to it, it's that I do feel a lot better.

[valcuda]

Robert and Avery - The Beginnings - Prologue, has been released!

THIS CHAPTER ISNT A SIGN OF WHATS TO COME. THIS HAS A VERY DIFFERENT FEEL FROM THE REST OF THE STORY.

This chapter sets up an important event for later. Don't know when later will be, it should be pretty early, but I need to introduce Avery before I have it pay-off, so it'll at least be a chapter.

(Also note: This is quite short. Expect to be able to finish this in a single sitting)

Anyway, you can find it here!

-

Now for some ramblings!

Anyway, this is the start of a new series, currently named "Robert and Avery", cause those are the names of the two main characters, and I didn't know what else to call it...

This is called "The Beginnings" because it just sets up the story really. It's currently the part which I plan to be multiple chapters, thought that'll potentially change.

I do have plans for lone chapters, hell, I already have scenes typed up, and even more ideas I have yet to flesh out. This series is meant to be kind of "slice of life" like, just made up of parts that are loosely connected.

This is seriously the most experimental series I've ever done, which should be obvious from the fact, this is my first bit of public writing I've done in years. Don't look for my first, cause I deleted it out of embarrassment.

-

The characters will all have posts talking about them. They're literally just rips of their pages from my private wiki, which I use to organize everything.

The posts themselves are private, but you can access the ones related to the characters in that particular part from a link at the end. I do plan to have a master post on @valcuda-story-content which has all the character profiles, but I'll only do that once this part is finished, since I want to introduce the characters first.

-

Honestly, I'm diving into the deep end here. This is an idea I didn't want to go through with, but am forcing myself to do anyway. I literally don't even have finished artwork of Liena or Selina yet... nor have I decided exactly when the story takes place, which is pretty important for the next part.

I don't know how good this'll turn out, but hopefully it'll turn out well.

-

Chapter 1'll actually take some time to make. I basically already had the prologue thought out before I even started working on this, it was just a matter of trying to figure out how I wanted to do it, since I originally planned for this to be a comic, but my artskills suck with comics...

Anyway, that's all for now!

[generalgri3vous]

Sci fi story idea: kingdom that revolves around a technology goddess (Technia) who is actually a very stressed Ai who was programmed to be the ultimate artificial intelligence or something. she went through a bunch of trauma and tests leaving her jaded and the towns people are making it worse, asking her for stuff she can't give them. the pressure of the demands makes her and all devices shes connected to break. there's a cheerful scientist princess (Alexa) who likes experimenting, repairing tech, and some playful hacking, the princess's cousin (Perl) who is slightly snarky but pretty chill and supportive, a curious and out of touch robot (Connie) who uses other people's voice clips to speak and is secretly Technia's prototype who was abandoned after being deemed not good enough. she doesn't remember this until later so let's just say the memory file was locked. Paige's little sibling (Pascal) came in late and had no idea Connie's a robot and thought she was just really weird. an Ai copy of a character (don't know who) has a minor identity crisis after the original tells them that they're not real and eventually becomes an individual.at some point Technia hacks Connie so Alexa does a counter hack and later Connie has to fight someone or protect or escape I'm not really sure and she overheats or runs out of battery or glitches or crashes and she collapses in front of the kid who is horrified and thinks she's dead but cousin tells her "she's a robot, it's okay. we can fix her." which shocks the kid and after the the patch up Alexa hugs Connie and yells "you're all better now!" also Alexa contributed to helping make either Technia or Connie I'll figure it out later and didn't know she did until the events of the story. Technia gives out some kind of puzzle to the whole kingdom as some kind of test but absolutely didn't expect so many people to solve it so fast so she posted a red herring to lead them off track and uh. idk.I just realized that if Connie had to fight someone that would probably break the first law of robotics (don't harm humans or allow a human to be harmed through inaction)() if she's fighting to protect someone else it's like... the first law violating itself? and it goes in a loop and she gets confused which leads to the collapse described above. (just realized this wouldn't happen if she fights a non-human. dang.) could be anything else tho. don't ask why most of the main characters are girls.Connie got her name because when asked who she was she remembered someone referring to her as a concept and thought that was her name so she introduced herself as Concept and the protagonists just decide to call her Connie since that's an actual name.

honestly this sounds dope af. i already love Connie with all my heart. :]