#I feel so self conscious about it and I’m kinda holding out hope I grow out of that by the time I actually enter the field full time

[finisnihil]

Was doing some sketching thought I’d share one of my rough ones haha please don’t kill me

[lahooozaherr]

I Will Always Find You

Chapter 6

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Canon typical violence (but not descriptive), anxiety, reader is lifted once because of Rising Phoenix, angst, yearning, as always please feel welcome to let me know if I missed anything 🫶🏻

MY WORKS ARE 18+ AND NOT FOR MINORS. AGELESS/BLANK ACCOUNTS WILL BE BLOCKED.

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Chapter Summary: Din locates and rescues from your captors, just in time. With the two of you finally reunited, you quickly return to the Razorcrest where Din sets coordinates for the safe location provided by your father. You feel a wild mix of emotions over it all, from relief to fatigue. When it seems you’re about to tell him something very important, you make it to the planet of your childhood friend.

A/N: I’m back!! Kinda?? I’ve been here but I haven’t been in the headspace to write this. I’ve been processing a lot of grief. I know I shouldn’t apologize or beat myself up for taking so long so I just appreciate anyone who’s still interested in my little self indulgent story. There were times I tried to work on it but then I’d remember plot holes or things I haven’t quite figured out yet, so please bear with me. This chapter isn’t TOO exciting, mainly because this next one is going to be beefy, the one I’ve been really really working up to. I hope y’all enjoy it!

Song Inspo: Hero by Alan Walker & Sasha Alex Sloan

Inspo Playlist

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Masterlist

Read it on AO3

Present Day

Some time had passed since you were blindfolded and binders were applied to your wrists. The anxiety made sleep elusive as you’d bounce between conscious and not.

Until the noises began.

You sat up abruptly, heart hammering in your chest as you listened to sounds of clashes, blaster fire and yelling from the men who had taken you. With no ability to act, or even see, you resort to bringing your legs up to your chest and balling yourself up in anticipation.

You wondered what could possibly be happening. Were you being saved? Was there a conflict amongst the men?

The commotion begins to die out, ending with the sound of one last shot from a blaster. You can now only hear the beat of your heart and your body begins to tremble. The environment grows eerily silent.

You gasp when you start to hear the door unlock and move open. Not knowing what to expect at this point had only added to the fear you felt flood through you. In a feeble attempt, you duck your head into your knees, holding yourself as close as you can with your bound arms.

You hear a voice speak your name, a voice you’ve become very familiar with. One that has haunted your memories.

The trembling in your body starts to cease as you raise your head to the voice, Din’s voice. Relief washes over you like a tidal wave.

The bed dips next to you as he removes the cloth from your eyes. You’re met with that same, emotionless visor you had come to yearn for. Words can’t describe the emotion beginning to seep out from you as tears prick at the corners of your eyes.

“Din?” You finally manage to respond in whisper, a tremble from your bottom lip.

He removes the binders, a tool he’s very familiar with in his profession. He finds himself mentally cursing them for having to remove them from someone like you.

Before he can set them down, you’ve catapulted yourself into his chest, wrapping your arms around his neck. A sob escapes your chest in relief, a feeling you’ve been deprived of for too long.

It catches him in surprise but doesn’t take long for him to settle into it, embracing you in return. His large, gloved hands cover your back. Relief at finding you meets him as well.

“Are you hurt?” His baritone voice rings in your ear, your rapid heartbeat skips as the fear melts into joy. When you pull back from his embrace to face him, you shake your head ‘no’. “Good.”

As the tears start to bubble over, you give him a weak smile, “you found me.”

He doesn’t hesitate to take your face in his hands, looking you in the eyes, “I will always find you.”

You lean into one of his palms, his touch feels so warm and safe.

“We have to get out of here,” he leans back to assess you, still in the simple outfit of leggings and long sleeve top you were taken in. But no shoes. They must have gotten rid of them.

“Alright, I’m going to carry you,” you nod in response, he stands from the bed and leans over to slip his arms under your back and legs. When he lifts you, it feels almost effortless from him. He’s really as strong as he looks.

With your arms wrapped around his neck and shoulders, he quickly leaves the room and weaves through the halls of the building until he reaches an exit, bursting through to the outside by slamming his foot against the door.

He comes to a halt, adjusting his arm under you to reach his vambrace. You feel him press some of the controls on it.

“Alright, I need you to hold on tight, ok?”

You do as you’re told but raise an eyebrow at him, “alright bu-“

Before you can even finish your question, the Rising Phoenix on his back ignites and sends both of you into the sky. A yelp escapes you and you grip even tighter to him as you bury your face in the crook of his neck. You can feel his hands press into you where he’s holding you, giving you a reassuring squeeze that his grip is firm and safe on you.

When the direction feels more steady, you pry yourself from him to try and look down. Your curiosity gets the best of you although this height is….pretty scary. Underneath you is a forest, which is about as much as you can make out. You have no idea where they took you but you can see why, it seems lifeless and easy to hide out in.

Din comes to a landing in front of the Razer Crest, coming to a running stop. He shifts his hands under you to press onto his vambrace and the ramp starts to lower. When he brings you inside, he gently sets you down to sit next to some crates.

“Stay here, I’ll be right back. I’m going to get us out of here real quick.”

He leaves, climbing the ladder to the cockpit and disappears. Shortly after you feel the Razor Crest start up and lift. After some time and feeling the way he steers, you feel him kick it into hyperspace, and then silence.

You close your eyes, inhaling and exhaling a deep breath after feeling like you had been holding it in this entire time. You press your back into the wall behind you and try to finally relax. Footsteps come down the ladder and towards you, you open your eyes to find Din crouched down in front of you.

You let the silence linger between the two of you for a few minutes, taking the time to process the chaos that just happened in such a short amount of time. You realize Din has truly earned his reputation for a reason.

“Take your time,” he reassures you. “Your father sent coordinates to a safe place. It should only be 12 hours, give or take.”

Your eyes widen as you remember your father. He must have been worried sick.

“Where is he? My father?”

Din takes a long minute to respond, “I’m not sure. The call he sent to Karga’s location didn’t specify where, just that he would be going into hiding.”

The information bounces around your head for a minute before you give a silent nod in acknowledgment.

“Do you know where he could be?” Din asks.

“I don’t. I’m embarrassed to say, but we hadn’t discussed this beforehand. I’d hope it’s wherever he’s sending us.”

“I guess we’ll see,” Din stands and offers you a hand and lifts you up. “In the meantime, you should rest.”

He opens an enclosed space where his bunk is, which is really just a simple tarp material stretched across to make a cot. But that doesn’t entirely matter to you right now. You feel safe and finally able to breathe. You welcome the ability to lay somewhere that isn’t that horrible place you’d been kept in. You take note of the small hammock that hangs at the top of it.

You crawl inside and turn back to him as you settle in. Din reaches behind his neck and detaches his cape, and hands it to you.

“It’s not much, I’m sorry. I don’t….really ever think to have something like blankets around here.”

You cover yourself in the thick material, it’s warm and softer than it looks save for the burnt holes towards the bottom, “don’t be sorry, this is perfect.”

“Alright, I’ll be in the cockpit if you need me.”

He closes the bunk and you listen as you hear his boots step up the ladder and disappear once again.

You don’t really have time to miss him before fatigue really sets in as you lay down. You wrap his cape around you, cocooning yourself inside of it. The part that attaches to his neck smells like him and you can’t help but breathe it in. He smells like soap and blaster smoke, it’s oddly comforting.

—————————————————————————

You wake up suddenly, gasping for air and full of adrenaline. This isn’t your first time doing this, though. Ever since you’d been kidnapped, you had been suffering from nightmares. You don’t always remember what happens in them, but next thing you knew, you would be sitting upright from the bed trying to catch your breath.

You pull Din’s cape around your shoulders and grip tightly, holding yourself tightly in order to ground yourself. You remind yourself that you’re safe. You’re in Din’s….bunk. Bed?

After a moment of attempting to calm yourself, you’ve decided to give up on sleep for now. You find your way out of the enclosed bunk, making sure to secure his cape around you. The floor of the ship is cold on your feet. You take in your surroundings, observing the way he keeps his space. It seems it’s kept very neat and methodical, very him.

Ascending the ladder to the cockpit, the door slides open as you stand to enter. He’s in his seat, set in the middle. The only light comes from the streaks of stars and hyperspace across the overhead windows and it reflects off of his helmet.

He doesn’t immediately react to your presence in his space, you wonder if he’s asleep. You opt to sit in a passenger chair to the right of him, noticing his arms crossed and his body slightly leaned back.

“How did you sleep?” His low voice rings through the modulator, almost startling you. He swivels his captain’s chair to face you. You hold yourself tighter, keeping his cape stretched across.

“Uh, yeah, sorta. I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep.”

You look up above to watch through the windows, “I kind of wish I had come up here. This is soothing.”

Din’s helmet tilts up to look as well, “it is. I almost prefer to sleep up here. Sometimes.”

Something in the air makes you feel like something isn’t being said. It’s hard to put your finger on it. You know there are many things you’d like to say to him, now that you feel more collected. But that same creeping fear from before seems to stop you. You don’t want to ruin this, or any moment with him.

“I need to ask you something, and it’s ok if you don’t want to answer right now. Or ever. I just-“ Din, of all people, is stumbling over his words. Something you’re not used to seeing him do at all. But the tension in the small space seems to thicken around the two of you. When he lowers his helm to face you, you aim to meet his eyes to give him a reassuring look to continue.

“Did they….do anything to you? Did they hurt you at all? Or…”

“Oh…Oh! No. Sort of?” Butterflies swirl in your stomach while you struggle to find words. “Not exactly, I think they were specifically told to not harm me. At least physically. That’s the impression I got.”

You hear the leather of Din’s glove start to rub against his arm rests, “physically?”

“Right. They didn’t hurt me like that. But I’d say it’s pretty psychologically harmful to lock someone up in a room for a week after kidnapping them.”

You hear the creak of his gloves and you watch as one of his hands fists into a ball while the other rubs against the side of the arm rest.

“I should have insisted on staying, to escort you back home,” he asserts in a low, bordering dangerous tone.

Without thought, you reach out a hand to close over his fisted one, “no, don’t do that to yourself.” His tight shoulders seem to visibly loosen up as you do so.

“Please don’t. I just-“ your voice starts to crack. Your eyes turn glassy and you turn your head, breaking the eye contact you felt you had with him.

Din takes no time reading your body language and he moves to kneel on one knee in front of you, resting both hands on your lap. Tears begin to form at the corners of your eyes and threaten to spill.

“What is it? Please tell me,” Din tries to console you, it’s almost jarring how quickly he can switch from being dangerous to soothing. His large hands engulf yours in both of his, feeling warm and secure.

You didn’t intend to go quiet, it’s just that your emotions threaten to allow everything within you to spill out. Something you’ve inadvertently trained yourself to be afraid of. Every time your mouth begins to mouth what you want to say, you feel your heart squeeze and single tears come forward.

“I’m sorry, it’s just,” you finally mustered to say. “I’m ashamed.”

“Ashamed?!”

“Yes. It’s ridiculous, I know. But before you’d found me, I had given up. I couldn’t fight. I didn’t think I’d ever get out of there,” you pause when you feel one of his hands cup your cheek and redirect your gaze to his, or at least his visor. Your heart jumps into your throat, “I thought I’d never see you again.”

He doesn’t say anything, but his thumb begins to stroke where it lays on your cheek. Before you can debate on what more to say, a beeping comes over the intercom of the ship.

The ship exits hyperspace and comes to a standstill. Din, with a gentle last caress of your face, quickly moves back to position in his seat. The beeping comeson again as he grabs a hold of the controls and a voice comes over the intercom.

“Razorcrest, you have permission to land.”

Confusion etches into your features as you watch him, his hand is paused above a button. One you think he was about to use to speak back. But now there was no need, whoever it is already knew who he was and definitely expecting him. He withdraws his hand and gets back to his steering controls, “buckle up.”

You do as you're told, fasten your seatbelt and sit back. You feel the ship begin to descend into a planet’s atmosphere. A familiar looking planet.

—————————————————————————

“Sir, she’s nowhere to be found.”

Large boots crunch through the broken glass and debris that’s scattered across the floor. Accompanied by the few bodies of henchmen. The boots belong to a tall, intimidating figure. A scarred and hardened looking Twi’lek, with a permanent scowl and scar across his mouth to match.

He turns to the man speaking to him, one of his many lackies, and growls, “what happened here?!”

“We have reason to believe the Mandalorian found her. All of this is his doing.”

The Twi’lek glowers at him before hitting his fist against the wall. He doesn’t speak, gritting his teeth as he contemplates his next words. His next move.

His demeanor slowly shifts to something more calm and collected as he seems to gather his thoughts. A twisted smirk revealing sharpened teeth emerges.

“We’re heading out. It’s time to send a message.”

@dindjarinsmut @impala1967666 @kittenlittle24 @angel-with-a-heart @leithatnight @i-usually-main-bards-tho @dins-riduur-anthe @fatima-marisa @lalalalemonade11 @n7cje @orcasoul

Divider by @/saradika-graphics

[ssanovak]

Getting Out of There Alive

Trigger warning! This fic has a lot of detailed gore, torture and some mentions of depression and self hatred!

@xweirdo101x​‘s request; I was wondering if I could request BAU Team x Male reader, while the team are on a case reader gets kidnapped by the unsub and tortured (if possible could reader get an injury where the skin has been removed from the lower jaw down to the shoulder showing his bottom teeth and muscles?) All other injures are in your ball park, the team have to find reader before the unsub kills them!

And maybe could you write about the emotional trauma reader has with the injury on his face like how it makes them self-conscious, depressed, ugly maybe even comparing themselves to a zombie? I guess a kinda self-hate towards themself?

-8.5k words-

---

You took a step towards the door, your head feeling like it was spinning and you stumbled slightly. You nearly knocked a guy over who turned to you and asked “You okay there buddy?”

“Yeah, sorry, just a little dizzy, I think I need some fresh air”, you laughed.

“Oh, had a few too many, eh?” He laughed too.

“Something like that”, you replied, taking a tentative step towards the door. When you managed this without falling over you took another one, and another until you stood just outside the door in the chilly early spring night air. You decided to try and walk the feeling off, as you were sure it wasn’t alcohol intoxication as you’d only had two drinks. As you walked the feeling in your head only got fuzzier and you decided to stop for a second and sit down on a low-lying dividing wall. You noticed a movement towards your left out of the corner of your eye but when you turned your head to better view the source there wasn’t anyone there. You pulled your coat collar up against your neck, unsure whether your shiver was due to the cold or the growing sense of unease you felt. You pushed yourself up off your perching spot and continued walking, trying to ascertain if you were in fact being followed. Once your suspicions had been all but confirmed and you were sure you weren’t alone you decided to call for help.

You took your phone from your pocket and fumbled around struggling to press the button to turn the screen on so you could unlock the phone with face ID. When you’d succeeded you clicked through to your contacts, opening your recent calls. You realised with annoyance that everything was doubled and blurry and you squinted trying to read the names or numbers. When you were unsuccessful in working out any name, you decided to just click and hope for the best.

Hotch blinked as his phone rang, having been deep in thought about the current cases the BAU was working through and staring into space. He reached into his pocket, pulled out his phone and checked caller ID before he answered, “Y/L/N! Enjoying your day off so much you thought you’d phone to check up on us all?”

“Hotch?” Your voice felt loud and unnatural in your head.

“Did you misdial? Expecting someone else?”

“N-no, no, just c-couldn’t make out the n-n-names on my contacts”

“That drunk, eh?”

“No.”

“Y/N, are you okay?”

“I th-think I-I’m being f-followed.”

“Hold on, I’ll get the team.” Hotch raced out of his office to the balcony and signalled to the team down in the bullpen that they were needed in the conference room. As he opened the door and walked into the room he spoke into his phone again, “I’ll put you on speaker, they’re on their way now.”

As the team hurried up the stairs, confused and on edge, towards the same room Hotch had just entered Rossi noticed something was going on through the blinds in his office and he dropped the file he had been reading and hurried out to join the team.

“Okay Y/L/N, the team’s here, tell us what’s going on.” Hotch spoke, putting the phone in the centre of the table.

“I don’t really know,” you started tentatively and the team exchanged a confused glance, “I-I was in a b-bar, had a couple of dr-drinks, started feeling woozy, not d-drunk woozy, s-s-something else. S-so I w-went outside f-for some fr-fresh air, and I’m f-fairly certain s-someone’s following m-me.”

“Y/L/N where are you?” Prentiss piped up.

“I, uh… Oh s-shit, where the f-fuck am I?” You said, looking around at the seemingly unfamiliar landscape.

“Morgan, get Garcia to track his phone”, Hotch ordered.

Morgan scooped his own phone out of his pocket and called the technical analyst.

“You’ve reached the office of Penelope Garcia, fountain of all knowledge, how can I bestow my gifts on you today?”

“Hey baby girl, we need you to track Y/L/N’s phone please.”

“Just right to it, must be serious, you got it hot stuff.” Garcia responded and got to work.

“Morgan, Prentiss, you two get to an SUV, as soon as we have the location I want you ready to go.” Hotch commanded and the two agents left the room.

“Guys, I re-really d-don’t feel s-so g-good” you slurred, your voice growing weaker as you struggled to force the words out.

“We need to keep him talking,” Reid spoke quietly, biting the inside of his cheek nervously. You hadn’t officially disclosed your relationship with your fellow agent to the rest of your team, knowing it was against the FBI rules around fraternisation but they had a feeling that something was going on between you two and Rossi put his hand on the youngest agent’s shoulder squeezing slightly, hoping to reassure the brilliant doctor that Y/L/N would be okay.  

“Kid, keep talking to us okay? We’re tracing your phone now.” Rossi said to Y/N.

You steadied yourself against the nearest wall and took a breath before replying, “m-kay, b-but I’m s-so t-t-tired.”

“Y/L/N, I need you to find somewhere to sit, as visible as possible, and keep yourself awake until we get there okay?” Hotch spoke clearly and slowly, hoping the younger agent wasn’t anywhere too secluded or difficult to find.

“This is a f-fucking n-nightmare, I c-can’t b-believe this is h-h-happening” You mumbled, trying to keep your emotions in check, you found a step and sat down.

“Y/N, it’s going to be okay,” Spencer spoke softly, “Penelope’s tracking your phone, Derek and Emily are on their way, and I need you to take a deep breath for me and describe where you’re sitting, can you do that for me?”

Hearing your boyfriends voice soothed the anxiety gnawing at your stomach, you closed your eyes, took a deep breath in and then opened them again, looking around you, “Uh, a d-d-doorway, on a s-step” you answered the question.

“Brilliant, okay, what can you see across from you?” Spencer knew that your description wouldn’t be enough to find you, but his main focus now was keeping you calm and conscious.

Silence echoed out after his question and Hotch was the next to speak, “Y/L/N?”

Still nothing.

The team kept quiet, listening for a sign that you were still on the line. A sudden thud made them all jump.

“Y/N!” Spencer shouted at the phone.

A shiver ran around the room at the next sound they heard, the cold and cynical voice was clear and calm as he spoke, “Who did you call, hmm? Ooh, Hotch, that would be SSA Aaron Hotchner, am I correct?” Glee evident in his voice as he asked the second question.

“Speaking.” Hotch replied, eyes narrowing.

“Good, that saves me a call, now, unless you wish to find your agent spread around the country in pieces, you’ll play by my rules now, do we have a deal?” The man spoke as if making nothing more than a business call.

“What do you want?” Hotch questioned, brow furrowed, leaning on the table over the phone.

“All in good time Agent Hotchner, all in good time,” and the line went dead.

“Damnit,” Hotch closed his eyes and lowered his head, contemplating his next move. “Reid, call Morgan and tell him what’s just happened, get the phones location from him and then tell them to proceed with caution, Dave and I will be there as soon as possible, I want you and JJ to check the M.O of all our current cases, we need to work out if this guy is potentially someone we’re already looking for or a new unsub entirely, and then I want you to start putting together a rudimentary victimology profile. Morgan and Prentiss will help you with that when they return later. We’ll call from the scene and pool info, let’s go.” The Senior Agent grabbed his phone and gear and then threw the SUV keys to Rossi.

Nobody else spoke as they got to work, high stakes cases were an everyday occurrence for the BAU, but it always hit differently when one of their own was in danger.

~~~

Your eyes snapped open and they stared unblinkingly at the ceiling as your brain searched for answers to currently unanswerable questions. You blinked, slowly, trying to clear the grey film that clouded your vision. As the view in front of you cleared you found yourself more confused than you had been when you had first woken up. You took a deep breath and tilted your head to the right. The room you found yourself in was fairly basic. You looked around at the corked walls, the low ceiling and the concrete floor. You assumed you were in a basement of some kind as there were no windows. You noticed a security camera in the top corner of the room on the same side as the door and made a mental note that you were being watched. You tried to sit up, now that your thoughts were coming through clearer, but found yourself unable to move. You looked down at your body and realised you were chained to the cold metal slab you lay upon. Confusion furrowed your brow and you desperately tried to remember how you’d ended up in this predicament, however the last thing you could remember was throwing on your jacket and leaving to enjoy your rare Friday night off. You tugged at the restraints, trying to work out if they could be broken with some force but realised they were too tight for you to use the full extent of your strength to pull against them. You gave up trying to break the bonds and went back to trying to work out where you were.

You had no idea how long you spent laying in the silence before the door opened and a well built man walked in. The man didn’t speak as he entered the room, and you found this unnerving as you studied him as best you could from the angle you were laid at. You guessed he would be around late 20s early 30s but couldn’t really tell as the lower half of his face was covered with a surgical mask. He pushed his glasses up using an index finger against the bridge. You made note of the way his hand twitched slightly as he lowered it back to his side.

He turned and dragged a trolley into the room from the hallway. Your eyes widened as you saw blades glisten in the dim light coming from the centre of the room. You began to struggle once more against the chains as he walked towards you.

“Don’t touch me”, you spat as he reached towards your face. He laughed and grabbed your face and  then with his other hand he grabbed a piece of cloth and forced it into your mouth. It tasted musty and you wretched trying to spit it out but he forced your mouth to stay closed and then twisted your face away from him to tie a knot around the back of your head too tightly for you to force the material from your lips.

“You’re not in a position to dictate or make demands regarding what I can and can’t do to you”, he spoke calmly.

Your body stiffened in fear as you saw him pick up a scalpel and you struggled once more against your restraints as the blade was brought up to your body. He traced your jawline with the sharp tip, running the cold metal down your neck and along your collarbone, you flinched slightly as he made a sudden movement but were relieved when the only thing he cut was your clothing. However your relief was short lived as he pulled your shirt away from your skin and dragged the knife through the skin beneath it. When the blade connected with your flesh you bit down hard in an effort to force any response from your body, all disgust at the dirty rag gone as you were thankful for something to clamp your teeth together on. The twisting of the blade made your stomach turn and you were sure your jaw would break under the pressure you exerted to stop yourself from making any noise, however you didn’t want to give this bastard the satisfaction of eliciting a reaction from you. You managed to keep silent as the blade made easy work of tearing your skin apart. You could feel the anger building in your assailant at your lack of a reaction when the swipes of the blade got more violent and less controlled. He growled in frustration and dropped the now bloody blade back onto the trolley, then turning back to you he uncurled your fingers that you had scrunched into fists at your side and flattened your hand against the table. A second later he lifted a hammer from behind him and brought it down forcefully against your outstretched fingers, the sudden unexpected sensation causing you to yelp in pain against the gag, and he grinned in satisfaction. He brought the hammer down once more from above his head and you felt a silent tear roll down your cheek as you heard a sickening squelch and pain flashed up your arm once more. His methods of eliciting a response from you grew messier and more depraved just as you got used to each one and became able to control your bodies pain response and dissociate from the predictability. Eventually the pain became insufferable and dark clouds rolled into your field of vision as you lost consciousness again.

When you came to moments later the smell of burning hit your nose, an acrid, nauseating smell that made you choke as you tried to gasp for fresh air which was unobtainable. Another laugh filled the room you tried to focus on something, anything, other than the intense searing pain you felt. You tried to escape mentally, tried desperately to bring something pleasant to mind but the pain was so much; unbearable, unfathomable and incessant.

You didn’t know how long this continued for, torture to the point of passing out, waking up and the torture continuing, and trying to mentally escape when your thoughts were coherent enough to understand your predicament.

Pretty soon you gave up on the hope of getting out of there alive.

~~~

Hotch ran his hand over his face and then through his hair, further messing up the usually pristinely gelled style he wore and then raised his arms above his head stretching towards the ceiling as he yawned. JJ leant on one hand staring down at the file in front of her, reading it for the umpteenth time as if she believed she would gain new information this time. Rossi sat with his head in his hands, eyes closed slumped forwards. Morgan and Prentiss conversed in hushed tones, whilst the first took a sip from his cup of black coffee, the latter popped the can open of her energy drink and took a long drink. Reid poured his sixth cup of coffee of the day, which should have alarmed the others as it was only 8am, but they had long since stopped questioning how he continued to function when his blood must be mostly coffee.

None of the team had slept much in the last two weeks as they scrambled to put everything within their power into finding you, concern growing each minute that elapsed without any new information. They would’ve feared you already dead if they hadn’t had a steady stream of haunting mail that contained photos detailing your every injury. These pictures were all pinned in chronological order to the board they had set up during the first hour after your kidnapping. They told a grisly tale and each one was just another reminder that they’d failed you yet again. Spencer was barely talking to anyone any more, his usual anecdotes and statistics long since forgotten as he grew more and more anxious that the next photo would be accompanied by a location of your body. He didn’t know if he could take much more of the investigation before he took his gun and started banging on every single door in the vicinity they had narrowed your captor down to demanding entry to check for you. He knew this wouldn’t actually yield results but he felt like all their collective information had so far come to absolutely nothing and recalled Einstein’s famous quote about insanity being an expectation of different results whilst repeating the same actions over and over again and thought that anything new and unconventional would be worth a try at this point.

Then the phone rang and everyone jumped, hyper vigilance being the standard for their emotional state lately. Morgan answered his mobile and said “Yeah baby girl, I’ll put you on speaker.”

“He messed up!” Garcia blurted out excitedly.

“What are you talking about Garcia?” Hotch said, stifling another yawn.

“The kidnapper messed up! He left us a fingerprint!”

“Please tell me it was in the system!” Hotch said sitting bolt upright suddenly alert.

“Bossman you think I’d have called you if it wasn’t? I’ve got his name address, every school he ever went to, every dentist appointment he ever missed and every time he’s ever sneezed in public up on my screens right now, I’m sending each address over to you! Go get Y/N back!”

“Fantastico!” Rossi exclaimed as the entire team jumped into action.

“I know” Penelope said twirling her pen around her fingers.

“Catch you later baby girl, you’re a star!” Morgan hung up the phone and grabbed his gun from the desk in front of him.

Spencer’s gut felt like it was doing somersaults as he followed behind the rest of the team, he wasn’t sure he could take it if they were too late and no matter what he did he couldn’t get the final image of you weak, bloodied and bruised out of his head. As the teams neared the various locations they had as a possibility for your location he felt like he might vomit the last cup of coffee he’d drunk and wished Garcia had phoned a minute earlier so he wouldn’t have had time to fill his stomach. He tried to focus on the task at hand but his mind kept wandering back to the image of you and every thought willed you to hold on another minute.

~~~

You took a breath weakly, wondering what dying would actually feel like, whether it would be painless and whether there was something you were headed for at the end of this life. The emotional pain had long since given way to numbness but you had enough of your wits about you to  tell something wasn’t right, more than the obvious. The skin around some of the wounds you could see had started to change colour, and the pain in your muscles had intensified immensely. You shivered once more as you wondered, not for the first time, why your body hadn’t given up a long time ago. You were unsure of how long you had been in this room, at least the first three days you were sure of, but after that days or weeks could have passed and you had no way of working it out. You sighed coughing slightly and struggled to take a deep enough breath back in. A sudden loud bang came from above you and you heard a shout, your attention snapped up to the ceiling and then to the door, hoping against all hope that you weren’t hallucinating the ruckus you could hear coming from the house above. You felt a wave of relief wash over you as you caught the words ‘FBI don’t move!’. You’d been found, you let out another sigh and gasped trying to catch your breath.

You coughed and heard someone call out “Y/N, where are you? Can you hear me? Please, if you can hear me make a noise!” It took you a minute to connect the voice to a person, confusion clouding your thoughts but once you realised Emily was the one shouting you tried to call out, make a noise, do something but you couldn’t catch a breath to make more than a strangled pathetic sound.

You slumped back against the table, tears coming thick and fast and you wanted to give up and sleep. You knew that you had to do something to alert them to your location and you tried banging your foot against the metal but groaned in pain as you smacked broken bones on the surface.

The footsteps above you stopped and you heard another shout “Y/N? Do that again!”

“Oi, you lot! Shut it!” You heard Rossi tell the other agents to be quiet.

You didn’t want to but you had to force yourself to lift your foot once more and slam it down onto the table making a loud crash, seeing stars as you caused yourself insurmountable pain. You slammed your foot down once more, letting out a strangled sound from your throat, determined to carry on until they found you but the pain was causing you to black out a bit.

You heard a thud as a wall panel was busted down and you heard another shout “Fake wall! In here!”. Spencer’s voice felt like the only thing you needed to hear right now and you willed yourself to stay conscious as footsteps ran down the stairs that were behind the blocked off area. Then the door to what could have been your tomb flew open and Spencer came crashing through and you closed your eyes against the harsh glare of the torch he held.

“Y/N!, oh my gosh, Y/N! Stay with me, open your eyes, sweetheart you’ve got to open your eyes,” Spencer let a tear run down his face as he looked at you laid on the slab in front of him, hands hovering over your body not wanting to touch you for fear he would hurt you further. You opened your eyes slowly and looked up into his face which was just above yours, you felt his fingertips gently stroke your chin and could smell the coffee he’d drunk not long ago on his breath as he looked down into your eyes. You smiled, a burning surging through your face as you did so, you screwed your eyes up in pain and Spencer grabbed your left hand after taking a moment to analyse whether there appeared to be any new injuries on your body since the last photo. You squeezed his hand with what little energy you had left, making sure he was really there in front of you. “It’s going to be okay, I promise you, you’re going to be okay, I need you to keep looking at me okay?” He soothed you, stroking circles into the back of your hand with his thumb.

You looked up at him and were vaguely aware of the chains on your ankles being touched. You tried to respond but found you couldn’t get a deep enough breath to speak so you nodded, realising too late that it was a mistake as stars shot through your vision once more. You hissed in pain and the hands that were near your ankles were removed instantly.

“Y/N, I want you to squeeze my hand, one squeeze for no, two for yes, okay?” You thanked your lucky stars your boyfriend was so intelligent, marvelling at how quickly he’d worked out a solution for communication. You squeezed his hand twice and he nodded, grateful that you were at least lucid enough to help them help you.

“Okay, was it one of us who hurt you a second ago?” he asked, and you squeezed his hand once. “Can Hotch continue trying to get these restraints off you whilst we wait for the paramedics?” you squeezed his hand twice and Spencer turned to his boss, “keep trying, you didn’t hurt him”.

The hands returned to the chains on your ankles and Spencer turned back to you. You could feel the little adrenalin that had helped you make a noise draining from you and you wanted nothing more than to give up and close your eyes. Then a sudden movement of the chains caused you to let out a strangled scream in pain as the metal fell against your broken foot. You saw your boyfriend’s panicked look and vaguely heard him talking but the pain was so overwhelming you couldn’t make out the words. You closed your eyes, ready to let sleep drag you under but you remembered the unspoken promise you made to stay awake and you blinked them open once more and tightened the grip you had on Spencer’s hand.

“The paramedics are nearly here, please hang on for a little longer y/n, do you think you can do that for me?” He said, looking down at you. You squeezed his hand weakly once and then again. He smiled softly at you and another tear rolled down his cheek.

You kept your gaze fixed on him as the paramedics came rushing into the room and busied themselves finding a suitable vein to insert a catheter and give you some painkillers before they could move you. Once the medication took effect you sighed and relaxed your grip on Spencer’s hand, deciding you were now safe enough to let yourself drift out of consciousness and into the inky blackness once more.

~~~

Spencer’s heart felt like it was in his mouth as he travelled alongside you in the ambulance, listening to the sirens and watching the paramedics try and assess the horrific situation in front of them. You were hooked up to just about as many machines as the crew had at their disposal, your breathing was shallow and laboured and every now and then your body would heave with the effort of taking in enough oxygen.

When the ambulance pulled into the nearest Emergency department and everything burst into life around him. The doors were thrown open and the gurney was pulled out of the van into the loading bay with one paramedic pulling and the other pushing from the other end of the trolley.

Spencer followed after them but was stopped by a nurse as you where wheeled into the sterile surgical room with a trauma team in tow.

“Sir you can’t go in there” the nurse said calmly but firmly with her hand on his arm. He tried to pull away when a firmer set of hands were placed on his shoulders and he was steered around to a waiting room off to the side.

Spencer looked round into the face of his colleague, Emily’s eyes wide and face set into as neutral a position as she could manage, “What do I do now?” He asked the other agent.

Emily indicated that he should sit down and then sat next to the seat she’d indicated to and turned to him, “We wait, it’s all we can do.”

Spencer stayed standing as he looked back to the doorway they’d come through and muttered “If he is dead, I need to see his body, make damned sure.”

“Make sure of what?” Emily questioned, but she wasn’t sure she really wanted the answer.

“That he’s actually dead.” Spencer clarified nonchalantly.

“Right.” She was right, she hadn’t needed the answer after all.

“What is it Emily? Are you uncomfortable that I no longer trust anything other than my own senses when it comes to death because of you? Because you should be.” Spencer spat, clenching his fingernails into the palms of his hands.

“Spencer…”

“I don’t want to hear it! You’ve made it so that I will never be able to trust what is perceivably happening without double checking!”

“Please don’t do this, not now.”

Spencer continued as if he hadn’t heard or didn’t want to hear Emily’s pleading, “I’ve spent so long trying to build trust back up with all of you, it takes everything I have to actually believe what’s happening in front of my own eyes, but never once have I felt like that with Y/N! I don’t know if I could handle that kind of betrayal, not again, and not from him.” Hot angry tears ran down Spencer’s cheeks and he turned and kicked the nearest chair which fell to the floor, the resulting crash making Emily jump. Spencer’s shoulders shook with the muffled sobs he was containing.

Emily quickly realised that he wasn’t actually wanting to argue, and that in this moment instead of facing the fear and the pain that he felt, anger was a much easier secondary emotion to deal with and she happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. “Spencer, come here.”

He looked up at his colleague with tears still streaming down his face and was surprised when she opened her arms out to her sides and indicated for him to give her a hug. He took a step towards her and she took one to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders pulling him down towards her. He buried his face in her neck, wrapped his arms around her waist and sobbed as she held him. A stray tear wormed it’s way down Emily’s face and she blinked furiously to stop herself from fully crying too.

“He’s going to be okay.”

“You can’t say that, you can’t know that, statistically speaking…” Spencer mumbled against his friends shoulder, sniffling slightly.

“Shut it with your statistics for once will you! Now, he’s going to be okay, I’m telling you he will be. I truly believe that, okay?” Emily pulled herself away from him so that she could look into his face as she spoke.

Spencer nodded dropping one arm to his side and standing upright wiping his face with his other hand. At that moment Hotch and JJ entered the waiting room.

“How’s he doing?” Hotch asked Spencer.

“Don’t know, but it doesn’t look good” Spencer’s lip wobbled as he spoke and when he was done he bit down on the inside of his cheek to stop himself crying again.

“Spence it’ll be okay, he’s in the best place possible right now,” JJ spoke softly and put her hand on his shoulder squeezing slightly and nodded to him.

“We’ll all wait here, Rossi and Morgan are following up with the task force now, unfortunately the unsub wasn’t anywhere to be found so we’re still searching, but there’s not really much more we can do, we don’t have any new leads to go on for the moment, so we’ll regroup later and see if any new information comes to light from where Y/N was being held.” Hotch explained quickly to the group before turning to Spencer once more, “Reid, obviously you can take as much time as you need, you’re not expected to return to work until… Until we know what the situation is with Y/N at least.” Hotch internally grimaced at his tactlessness, he wished he could’ve worded it better and offered his youngest subordinate some reassurance at the same time but he thought better of it than to potentially keep digging that hole.

All four sat down in silence whilst they waited for what felt like an eternity for any news of your condition. After a while a nurse in scrubs came into the waiting room and looked around at them.

“Which one of you is Spencer Reid?”

Spencer stood up and the others looked to him.

“You’re listed as Y/N’s emergency contact, can we talk to you privately for a moment?”

Reid followed the nurse out of the room and when he came back he looked only a fraction less pale than he had when he left, “He’s alive,” He breathed and slumped down into a chair.

“Oh thank God!” everyone let out a breath they didn’t know they’d been holding.

“What else did they say?”

“Not much, it’s too early to tell really, some of his wounds were very badly infected, they’ve got him on strong antibiotics and he’ll be in the ICU whilst he recovers. They’ve had to remove some skin on his face and some of the flesh underneath too, the road to recovery is going to be extremely painful and difficult, and he’s not out of the woods yet. They’re going to wake him from the anaesthetic soon.” Reid listed off everything the nurse had told him and the others listened in horror at the grim reality.

“Spencer, it’s completely up to you, do want one of us to stay with you?” Hotch asked gently, concern evident in his voice and demeanour. Spencer shook his head and Hotch shared a look with Emily and JJ of silent agreement that they would all take it in turns to check in with him every now and then. “Okay, well we should get back to the others anyway, give them an update, and you can call if you need anything.” He said, standing up and looking to the doorway to find a nurse waiting to direct Spencer to the private room you would soon be moved to.

When they wheeled your bed into the room Spencer got up and walked towards you, and you turned your head to him groaning as you did so. You pressed the button on the morphine drip you’d been given and hoped it would kick in soon.

“Hi.” Spencer said, smiling at you, you tried to smile back but your movement was severely restricted. You turned the left side of your mouth upwards and reached your hand out towards him.

“Hi yourself,” You croaked out, mouth feeling like sandpaper as you spoke. You coughed and Spencer’s face crumpled in concern. “Water?” You requested and looked towards the nurse who nodded her head and left to grab a jug from the nearest nurses station.

When she returned a minute later Spencer took the jug and poured you a drink, moving to press the button to raise the head of the bed upwards so you wouldn’t choke. He put a straw into the cup and held it up to your face as you took a sip. Your throat felt better instantly, and you sighed a little as you realised that the meds had kicked in too.

“Thank you” You said, looking up from the cup in his hands to see his eyes were glistening and it was your turn to frown. “What is it?”

“Nothing for you to worry about,” Spencer put the water down and ran a thumb over the back of your hand as he took it, sitting down in the bedside chair as he did so.

“If you say so,” You said, using the remote for the bed to lay yourself back down so you were more comfortable. “Spence, I’ve just used that morphine they gave me and it seems to be working for the most part, but my damn leg feels like it’s on fire, what’s up with that?”

Spencer’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak but closed it again before he frowned once more. “Which leg?” He asked, his voice wobbling slightly.

“The Right one,” you replied.

“Oh” Spencer’s face went pale as he looked from your face down to the end of the bed.

“What?” You could feel panic rising in your chest as you struggled to work out what was wrong. You used the button on the bed once more to sit up again, sitting further this time until you could see for yourself what the issue was. Your mouth dropped open and tears welled in your eyes as you realised why he hadn’t said anything else. “Oh,” you echoed his earlier sentiment and pressed the button once more to lay down again. You felt sick, but given your empty stomach you knew you weren’t about to vomit. You dropped Spencer’s hand and looked away from him. “What else should I know about?”.

“Uh, I… I don’t know, you have a lot of wounds.” He answered, looking away and then back down at you.

“How bad?”

“You’re going to need skin grafts for one of them.”

“Where?”

“Your face.” He looked down at his hands and picked at a piece of skin on one of his index fingers.

“Okay.”

You lay in silence, not looking back at Spencer ignoring his attempts at talking to you. Eventually he gave up and sat back in his chair and you shut your eyes and after a while of laying listening to the noises of the hospital you fell asleep again.

When you woke later you turned to the side to see that he had fallen asleep next to you, hand resting on his palm as he leant on the arm of the chair. You watched him sleep peacefully and the slow steady rhythm of his breathing lulled you back to sleep.

~~~

The next few days went by painfully slowly, Spencer never left the hospital, rarely leaving your side other than when he needed to use the bathroom or get something to eat. He ignored everyone’s pleas to go home and shower and get some proper sleep in an actual bed, because he didn’t want to leave you alone, especially not in this headspace. Even though you refused to talk about it he knew that the mental ramifications of your ordeal and the injuries you’d sustained and the scars you would now carry for the rest of your life were taking it’s toll on you. Multiple times he had to wake you as you pleaded to the images in your head not to hurt you anymore. You told him on multiple occasions that you would be perfectly fine in the capable hands of the doctors and nurses but still he insisted on staying with you.

After days of the same it took Garcia coming to the hospital and practically begging Spencer to get him to leave, she promised she would call him immediately if you needed him and he made her swear that someone would constantly be there whilst he went home to catch up with himself for a night.

When he returned the next morning he found Rossi sat in the chair beside your bed, who nodded towards the younger agent and stood up interlocking his hands behind his head and stretching as he yawned.

“Thank you for staying with him.” Spencer offered his appreciation as he took the seat that had just been vacated.

“No need to thank me kid, he’s one of us, I’m here for myself as much as for you.” Rossi turned and left the room, heading to grab himself a coffee before he went to work.

The corner of Spencer’s mouth turned upwards as he realised just how much of an impact you’d had on everyone in the BAU. As he sat thinking about everything you’d been through in your time at the FBI you woke up, blinking slowly as you scrunched up your eyes against the daylight streaming in through the window. You’d never been much of a morning person and you grumbled as you looked over at the clock he’d brought for you on the bedside table.

“Please tell me you only just got here.” You grumbled, sitting up and rubbing your eyes.

“I swear!” He held a hand over his heart and the other up in the air, “I promise you that I only just got here, I got a full night’s sleep and I even showered this morning!”

“Good” You mumbled, scratching the skin above the dressing on your face.

“That probably needs changing” He pointed to it and you nodded.

“I want to see” you said, more for your own conviction than an explanation for him but he turned back to look at you once more from where he’d swivelled to press the call button on the wall.

“I don’t…”

“Don’t tell me that you don’t think it’s a good idea, or that you don’t want me to get upset. It’s my face, I’m going to see it sooner or later, so why not sooner?” you said, folding your arms across your chest. You’re already seen your leg, or rather, what was left of your leg after it had been amputated just below the shin, and now you were sure you were ready. Or you thought you were sure. Now that it might actually happen you were starting to feel nervous and you’d hoped Spencer wouldn’t put up too much of a fight as you thought any resolve might’ve left you.

“Okay, okay, if you insist,” he said and you sighed a little.

As the nurse came into the room he explained the situation and you sat quietly and nodded when the nurse was making sure you were ready to see the damage and understood that there were a whole number of possible surgeries waiting for you in the future and that you didn’t need to worry about it at all.

As she peeled the dressing away Spencer winced slightly, and you swallowed hard against the lump in your throat. You picked up the mirror that the nurse had brought in with her and slowly angled it so that you could see yourself. You gasped when you saw the full extent of the injury. Starting from just below your top jaw was a gaping wound in your skin. You swallowed and watched the muscles move as you did so and closed your eyes for a second to stop yourself from retching. When you opened them again you took in the detail of the teeth that were visible through what should’ve been your cheek, and let your eyes wander down to your jaw, equal parts horrified and unable to look away. You put the mirror down and nodded to the nurse when she asked if she should redress the wound now. You didn’t speak until she was finished and had left the room.

“I look like a walker.”

“A what?” Spencer queried, cocking his head to one side.

“Uh, sorry, I forgot you don’t do television, Walker is the term they give to the zombies in The Walking Dead.”

“Oh.” Spencer said looking down into his lap.

“Oh? I tell you I look like a zombie and the only thing you can say is ‘oh’?” you laughed, feigning offence.

“I’m… Um, of course you don’t! I’m sorry! I didn’t really know how to respond to that, you caught me off guard, please don’t take my inability to communicate in that moment as anything more than exactly what it is!” Spencer fiddled with his watch, twisting it around to the underside of his wrist and then back up again.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that to sound so accusatory, I was trying to make a joke,” you put your hand on Spencer’s shoulder and squeezed it lightly.

He sighed and reached out to cup your other cheek in his hand, “You’re a windup sometimes Y/L/N”

“Thank you” you smirked with the good half of your face.

He moved his hand and shoved your shoulder laughing himself. His laugh made the feeling of disgust dissipate from your stomach and you spent the rest of the day trying to keep him laughing. At the end of the day you managed to convince him to go home again, promising him that he didn’t need to ask anyone to come and sit with you, and that you’d call him if you needed to speak to anyone.

When he left the feeling of disgust returned, only this time with it came an anger at your kidnapper that you hadn’t really felt until this moment. You lay down on the bed on your left hand side, tears rolling down the good side of your face. You were glad to have this moment of weakness by yourself, and vowed to keep Spencer away from this feeling you were keeping inside, he’d been through so much, you didn’t need to add to his emotional baggage with something neither of you could change.

~~~

A few months later and you were laying alone in your apartment on your couch, staring at the television but not really watching anything. You heard a knocking on your door but you ignored it, hoping whomever it was would think you were out and leave you alone.

Y/N! I know you’re home! Open the door please!” Spencer was knelt down on your front doorstep, shouting through the letterbox.

You continued to ignore him, taking another swig from the bottle you held.

“If you don’t open it, we will!” Another shout came from the front door and you recognised Morgan’s voice and you decided to unlock it rather than face the bill your landlord would dump on you if he kicked it in. You put your drink down and pushed yourself up onto your foot, grabbing the crutches you’d yet to get fully used to using.

“Please leave me alone” You said when you opened it whilst it was still on the chain. You pushed it shut again but stayed stood by the door knowing full well they wouldn’t just leave that easily.

“Please, Y/N, we just want to know you’re okay! It’s been a week since anyone’s heard from you, just let us in and we’ll be out of your hair in as little time as it took you to answer the door,” Spencer pleaded through the slot.

You undid the chain and opened the door once more, swinging it open as you stumbled back into your living room, taking another drink after you flopped back down onto the couch letting the crutches slide to the floor. Spencer and Derek walked into the dark hallway, flicking on the light as they did so and they were horrified by the state of your house. The floor was strewn with takeout rubbish, dirty laundry and empty bottles.

“Welcome to my shithole” You said, unenthusiastically and you forced a laugh which was as emotionless as you wished you were.

“Y/N, please, we get it, we really do, but you can’t just shut yourself away like this! Surely having all this stuff on the floor makes getting around difficult too, can we help you clear it up?” Morgan spoke as he pushed some rubbish to one side and sat on the other couch across the room.

“Do whatever you like, I really don’t care anymore” You said, downing the rest of your drink and shutting your eyes against the tears that threatened to spill.

“Budge up” You opened your eyes again to see Spencer stood next to the couch. You pushed yourself to one side and he sat next to you, looking at you with a furrowed brow.

“Don’t look at me like that, I’m not some charity case you need to pity you know”

“I’m not looking at you like anything!”

“It’s the pity I can’t stand”

“I’m sorry for caring!”

“Spencer please, for your own sake, don’t.”

“Unfortunately for you that’s not a decision I can make.”

“Lucky me” you roll your eyes and reach down to the side of the couch where you had a stash of drinks, you went to grab the bottle opener when you realised it wasn’t on the coffee table anymore.

You looked around to see Derek holding it and made a motion for him to throw it to you and twisted your lip up in annoyance when he shook his head. “Nuh uh, it’s 10am on a Saturday, you’re not  doing this.”

You leant back to put the bottle back down but lost your grip and it fell from your hand, shattering on the floor and Spencer jumped next to you.

“Bollocks!” You exclaimed. You smacked your forehead with your hand and threw yourself back against the couch.

“Well that’s one reaction to being told you’re cut off” Derek said, raising an eyebrow.

“Didn’t do it on purpose Morgan”

“I was trying to make you laugh dumbass” he smirked.

“Ha ha ha” you looked at him and shook your head.

“Ouch” He replied.

“Okay, look, I need to clean that up now, are you two done with your welfare check?” You asked and indicated to the floor.

“Please let me help you with that at least!” Spencer said exasperated.

“M’kay pretty boy, whatever will get you gone faster” You said, folding your arms.

The two got to work cleaning up the bottle and the sticky mess, you weren’t entirely sure what to do with yourself so you swung your other leg up onto the couch and closed your eyes. Before you knew it you were being gently shaken awake by Spencer and you stretched and yawned, headache beginning to form as the alcohol had begun to work it’s way out of your system. You groaned and sat up looking round at the room. To your surprise the two had used your impromptu nap to clear up as much of the room as they could and you looked at the clock on your mantlepiece and saw it was now 3pm. You looked around and realised Derek must’ve left as you noted the lack of car outside the window.

“Sorry, must’ve needed that sleep” you mumbled as Spencer moved you slightly and sat down, putting your legs back down onto his lap.

“Please don’t apologise. I wish you’d come to me when you were struggling rather than shutting me out. It was actually nice to be able to do something that would help you”

“Really?”

“Of course! Why would you think I wouldn’t enjoy helping?”

“I guess after the way I broke it off with you, I didn’t think you’d ever want to do anything for me again”

“Do you really believe that?”

“Dumping someone by text is usually enough to be sure anybody would stop talking to you entirely, let alone want to help you”

“Well I guess I’m not just anybody, I can’t just switch off the part of me that loves you, even if you did break my heart.”

“You still love me?”

“Is that so hard to believe?”

“I figured you’d stopped loving me the minute you saw how ugly I was.” You mumbled the last sentence, looking down into your lap with tears in your eyes again.

“What?”

“When you first saw my face, in the hospital.”

“Y/N, you’re still the most handsome man on this entire planet, scars or no scars you’re gorgeous, plus I don’t just love you for the way you look, so even if you were somehow turned into a worm I’d still love you for your personality” He put his hand under your chin and tilted your head up to look at him, tears glistening his face too.

“Did you just make an internet culture reference?”

“JJ explained that one to me, I’d still rather have a book over a blog any day” He grinned and you put your hand over his, taking it away from your face and holding it. You moved around on the couch so you were sat flush with him and you leant into him, basking in the sense of belonging you’d missed so much.

“I’m sorry” You said again, tears rolling down your cheeks over the scarred and non-scarred indiscriminately.

“No apologies, remember?”

You nodded and leant onto his shoulder.

“I love you Y/N.”

“I love you too Spencer, I love you too.”

[icallhimjoey]

Okay I know I’m late again I’m so sorry, I’ve had multiple migraine attacks this week and looking at a screen for long periods of time was out of the question but I’m finally feeling better and can send this in!

I LOVE this chapter. It definitely wasn’t what I was expecting but it turned out to be so sweet and lovely and exactly what needed to happen. So lemme break it down:

Just, first things first, the fact that we feel safe enough to sleep in the same bed as Joe (a stranger), and then we’re able to fall back asleep after a nightmare that would otherwise derail our sleep?? That’s saying something.

(Also, the nightmare was very alarming and I’m hoping that if it’s reflecting real life that everything is okay ❤️)

The silence lingered a bit too long and Joe kept looking at you with his head leant back against the headboard, all half-lidded eyes, mouth in a weirdly charming half-smirk that made you grow self-conscious at a steady incline.

um, well that did things for me

Joe scanned your features, then nodded in understanding and said, “Okay,” before moving the covers aside for you to get into bed next to him.

he knew what we needed! Ugh, soft!Joey 🫠

Joe had latched onto your back, wrapped arms around and held you tightly. Squeezed the panic right out of you. Whispered right into your ear, soothing shushes followed by reassuring words of being safe, and it was just nightmares, was just thoughts in your mind, and it was just him.

Joe was still hugging and squeezing, had an arm tightly wrapped around your waist and, yea, you felt gross. Damp. Hot and sweaty and sticky and absolutely disgusting.

But you also felt protected. Cared for. All safe and shit.

“Don’t apologise,” Joe suddenly whispered and wasn't that exactly right. You absolutely were about to tell him you were sorry. Sorry for waking him. Sorry for being all wet. Sorry for being there to begin with.

But you were just told to not do that, and so instead brought a finger up to your mouth to bite at the skin there.

“Go back to sleep,”

You felt Joe press his forehead to the back of your neck. Felt how he rubbed his skin against yours like a cat would.

“Can’t, I never can,” you croaked, voice in pain for whatever reason, slightly muffled from the fingers at your mouth.

“Try,” Joe said sleepily as he used the hand that wasn’t holding your wrist to save your other one from being bit at without looking. Brought your hand down to your stomach where he held it in place.

I feel scolded and taken care of at the same time and it’s making me feel some type of way that I might need to examine…

(Also, that seamless transition from us as the narrator to Joe?? Amazing. So good. Chef’s kiss)

And we gotta talk about us lounging out in the sun with him, the physical touches, Joe taking care of us by way of ordering mocktails and moving our hand from our face to keep us from destroy our poor fingers, holding our hand, and just making us chill the fuck out. The people watching (literally one of my favorite things to do), when Joe kept us hydrated and fed and even fed us pineapple from his own fingers (!!!), what a perfect afternoon!

My heart kinda dropped when he pressed the button to our floor, BUT THEN WHEN HE DIDNT GET OFF THE LIFT ON HIS FLOOR, AND SMIRKED AT US IN THE REFLECTION, AND INTERLACED HIS FINGERS WITH OURS, ALL THE SMILING AND SILENT FLIRTING, AND HAND HOLDING UNTIL HE FOLLOWED US INTO OUR ROOM!!!

This next part is going to kill me, isn’t it??

I can’t wait.

girlie, are you ready ??????

[napping-sapphic]

mine is bad too... are we the same person? 😭

nahhh that's valid, whenever i talk too much it makes me self conscious?? like i'll realize "shit, that's a lot im annoying as fuck" and be quiet-- i prefer listening too!! i like letting people talk and listening to their interests yk, i wonder how funny it would be if you and i talked and we're holding ourselves back because we both like listening 💀🙏

real!! how was your sleep last night?? :0

i'm glad that you're kinda getting it under control <3 don't worry about annoying anybody though, i mean, lots of people like listening too so. don't silence yourself too much ^^ plus, maybe one day, when i'm brave enough to introduce myself to you, you can feel free to talk to me !!

– 🖤

love the Bad Memory Curse™️ top ten afflictions fr

And that back and forth actually ends up happening to me a lot with a few of my friends! It’s always very silly and leaves for a very stilted conversation unless one of us catches on and points it out lol😅

My sleep last night was, finally, very good again :)!! I had a few bad nights of sleep in a row so i was getting stressed but even though it took me a while to actually fall asleep it was a good sleep when we got there which i am very grateful for :) <3!! I hope yours was good as well <3!!!

And no worries! It’s less silencing myself and more filtering lol and i rarely have to do it once I’m familiar and comfortable with someone since then it just sorta comes more naturally! It’s fun growing up because you get a much better handle on yourself i feel

[gavinsmg24]

You’re so sweet :+) reading every bit! 😖 it makes me happy that enjoy my words and how I feel. Babygirl please don’t feel forced to be here. Or even if you want to be allow yourself time to be away. If you want! I can try making posts like before. Silly. Like this posts so you can interact with me even when you’re not really feeling it. If you want. I’ll throw you a curve ball to see if your really reading close! I’ll be like! (Ex. Don’t! Like this if you want me to kiss and cuddle you!) and we’ll see what you do! I’m bein silly. Main thing is. Let daddy do the talking! And I’ll be thinking of you smiling as you read

My poor princess. I wish I could be yours. Or idk. I still feel for you of course but also I care. I’d love to help you relax. Setting up a hang out sesh at our house. Or. A house 😖. I’d order us some yummy food. The lights would be low with Xmas lights in the back ground. We’d have different colors for holidays. We’d have purple and orange for the Halloween time. Anyways. Relaxing! And smoke from our bong 🙈

Rambles. I’m so happy that your still looking to the positives. It makes me proud. I know life’s hard. And things happen we don’t expect. But! You’re not letting it stop you. I’m cheering you on!

I wish you the best baby. Grr. I know things are really tough. I know I cant do anything. But. I’m here with you every step of the way. You’re gonna make it! 💎 my gem.. 🙈

Oooh! My cute gamer girl again! Oh my gosh 🙈 you have the Xbox app.. and still have me as a friend to where you can see me getting on 🥹. Oh my gosh.. that’s going to make me smile every time I get online now. You being out there. Seeing something showing that I’m bout to play games. And. It makes you smile 🙈 gosh.. sometimes I get self conscious. Like. We haven’t been together in a while. In relationship and just in general. And. Obviously the way you and I have interacted it shouldn’t be weird how I talk or share how I think about you. I’ll be like. Hmph. That’s silly. But then you’ll say cute things I dont expect like the Xbox thing and smiling just seeing something that reminds you of and I’m just like. :,+) even if we do never see each other again. I’m happy to still know how you’re doing. Even if it’s not ideal. I’m happy to know your changing and growing. And still following your path making your decisions. You say things like us being soul mates. ( which can be more than just dating of course) but. Still I agree. Even with our ups and downs. When I think of you. All I can do is smile. I’m high and sleepy bcuz I’ve been doing FedEx and culvers these last few days. Culvers isn’t bad. Make some food. Prep some food. Clean some dishes. Clean often. Leave. The people are chill. Which is what I like about most fast food places. The grill people are chill and accepting of me being new. Also it’s not too hard and McDonald’s isn’t far off. So. I’m kinda able to hold my own while they do their shit. Rambles! Point was. Extra money. Isn’t hateful

Now. I’m done. I hope your good. Remember. Take some time! Read if you want. Don’t respond for bit again. Let daddy’s words soothe! Idk how much I’ll post but. Still! Mwah kisses and cuddles if you want. Goodnight! 💜💎🧡

[stranger-nightmare]

Xu Shang-Chi ~ SFW Alphabet

A/N: the second of my six alphabets coming out this week! This time it’s sfw and with the gorgeous Shang-Chi! This is the first time I’ve ever written anything for him so I hope you guys like it!!🖤💫

Warning: one mention of sex but nothing overly explicit.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Shang-Chi takes a while to become physically affectionate. He’s not used to physical affection ever since his mother died, he’s touch starved and kinda self-conscious about it. You’d have to take it slow with him, starting with things like hugs and holding hands. But eventually I can picture him really growing to crave physical affection after realising what he’s been missing out on; so he’ll turn into a lil cuddle monster. But, until he gets comfortable with this kind of affection, he shows his love for you simply by spending time with you. He’s the kind of guy where you’re perfectly content to just hang out and be alone together, so you’ll just spend time in each other’s company but without really talking or anything; you’ll occasionally just show each other a meme and laugh together but otherwise you’re happy to be doing your own thing and just having him next to you.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Well we all know from his movie that Shang-Chi is a great friend, albeit not the most honest, but like that’s understandable given his past. So I can imagine him very much latching on to the friends that he makes in high school, as you can see with Katy and Soo. He takes a while to open up and was kinda shy when you first met him, but once your friendship / relationship blossomed you came to realise that he’s just an incredible human being, so loveable, funny, kind; he’s just such a great time to be around, you can spend hours with him without ever getting bored.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Kind of like I said in the first section here; it takes him a while to get used to the idea of cuddling bc he’s not used to it. But eventually he learns to love it and wants to cuddle you as often as you’ll let him.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He definitely does want to settle down but feels like he can’t, he always has his past lingering in the back of his head. But I also see him as being a lil chaotic when it comes to domestic things. Like I think this boy does know how to cook but he just doesn’t, at least not often. He’s kinda content to just make super noodles and shit even though he has the knowledge and ability to make the most stunning and intricate Asian meals. He keeps his house clean, but not tidy. He’s got his own kind of organised chaos going on in his apartment; it looks like a disaster to the external eye but he knows exactly where everything is.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

So if Shang-Chi was to break up with I feel like it would only be bc the horrors of his past and his father were catching up to him and it was potentially putting you in danger. He’d only break up with you to protect you really. And I’m sorry but I fully feel like Shang-Chi would be the type to sneak away in the middle of the night, leaving you nothing more than a note, bc he can’t face actually having to say goodbye to you.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

As much as Shang-Chi loves you and is completely devoted to you I feel like he’d be hesitant to make any permanent and long-term plans like getting married bc he’s always fearful that his past is somehow going to catch up to him. So I feel like the two of you would be together for many many years before you finally manage to convince him to get married. Like at this point you practically were married anyway, just missing the official title.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Shang-Chi pretty much only had rough touch and tough love when he was growing up (after his mum died anyway) so he’s very deliberate in being extremely gentle with you. He can be rough with you, during sex we’re talking here, if you really ask him to and he does kinda enjoy it but if he had his way he prefers to be soft and gentle with you. Emotionally he’s also very gentle. He’s very calm and patient, even if you’re arguing. He’s an amazing listener, it’s so easy to just rant away to him and he absolutely doesn’t mind how long you go on for.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He does like to hug, but he’s not the biggest fan of pda so he pretty much only hugs you when you’re alone. But when you are alone he will hug you so much, like I’ve already said, he eventually learns to love physical affection and just loves to hug you so much. He likes to squeeze you super tight when he hugs you. He also secretly loves it when you come and hug him from behind, tucking your head into the space between his shoulder blades.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

I feel like he’s kinda slow to admit that he loves you. Like even after he knows it in his heart, he still doesn’t tell you for a while, like he’s almost scared to admit it that it’s true.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)

I don’t think he gets very jealous, he loves and trusts you. He only steps in when other people are flirting with you if he thinks the other person is gonna get physical or something.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Soft, gentle, and so full of passion. He likes to kiss your face, your cheeks, your temple, your forehead, your nose. I also see him as the kind of guy who likes to kiss your hands. His favourite is when you kiss his forehead.

L = Love language (Pretty self explanatory, what is their love language?)

Quality time. He will always make sure to carve out time to spend with you no matter how busy and hectic your lives are; he always has time for you.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Shang-Chi is not one to lounge around in bed, once he’s awake he’s up pretty much straight away. He likes to get in a quick workout, shower, and have decent breakfast before his day gets started. Even on the weekends and his days off, he’s still not one to lie in.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Despite always being an early riser Shang-Chi is still one to stay up late, way past a respectable bedtime. It’s either bc you guys were on a night out with Katy that ended in karaoke again, or just bc he stayed up late scrolling on his phone even though he was physically in bed at a decent time.

0 = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

I think I already covered this but yeah Shang-Chi is very slow to open up. It takes many months, perhaps almost going on a year, of the two of you being together for him to finally start revealing anything about his past and his childhood.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

I think Shang-Chi is super patient and doesn’t get angered often. He might get lightly frustrated or annoyed sometimes but he’s not one to get fully angry very often.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Shang-Chi is super good at remembering all the little things you tell him, all the details about all the things you love! And he likes to surprise you by mentioning or even bringing you a gift of something that you mentioned even if it was just in passing.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

HIs favourite moment in your relationship is one that only he knows about. And it’s a small moment where he realised how safe you made him feel, how he suddenly realised that he could let his guard down, be himself completely, confide in you and you would never judge him and always be there for him. It was a small moment where something just clicked inside him and he was just like ‘yeah, they're the one’.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Shang-Chi is very protective of you, but not possessive. He doesn’t get super riled up when he sees other people flirting with you or whatever bc he has a lot of trust in you, but, as soon as he senses even the mildest of danger he is right there by your side. He’s definitely the type to sacrifice himself for you if that kind of situation ever arose.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

I feel like Shang-Chi is one to put a lot of thought and time into planning dates and anniversaries and things. He prefers to plan something meaningful that he knows you’ll enjoy rather than just spending a bunch of money on a fancy restaurant and gift. I think he’s more about experiences and making memories instead of extravagance. When it comes to everyday tasks he’s reasonably good. Like he always keeps the house pretty clean, albeit messy. But he does tend to get behind on things like dishes and laundry and you kinda have to prod him about it but he’ll pretty much do it right away once you’ve reminded him.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Idk if this counts as a bad habit exactly but I feel like he’s not the best at communicating his feelings, like he’s just a bit closed off, particularly at the beginning if your relationship. Also his sleep schedule, in the sense that he’s always staying up late, can be quite hectic and annoying to keep up with.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

I feel like Shang-Chi is like averagely concerned with his looks. He likes to keep clean and polished, has a basic skincare routine. But it’s nothing overly extravagant or expensive, just something he can do quickly but leave him feeling and looking good.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

I feel Shang-Chi wouldn’t realise he didn’t feel complete until he did have you in his life and suddenly felt this wholeness that he just had never experienced before. It’s another thing that makes him realise how in love with you he really is, the fact that you fill this void inside him that he hadn’t even known was there.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them)

Shang-Chi has a guitar, knows how to play it, and sometimes serenades you. He literally has not told another soul about it, not even Katy, so it’s a very special and intimate thing that he only shares with you.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn't like)

Bullies, of any kind. He cannot stand bullies or people that are mean or rude for no good reason. He always makes a point of being super polite and kind to servers and waiters etc.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Idk why but I feel like Shang Chi is someone who mumbles a bit in his sleep, and someone who tosses around a lot. He’s kinda a light sleeper as well, it doesn’t take a lot to wake him up. I also see him as a blanket stealer.

Masterlist

[seiyasabi]

Fixation

(This is a Yandere Yelena x Fem Reader story ;)) This takes place in a Modern AU outside of the anime, and I won’t justify my reasoning lmao 

TW: Coercion, !Drugging!, Manipulation, !Noncon!, !Dubcon!, Daddy kink (ehehe), spanking, she’s a straight up Dom w her tall ass, kinda a meanie, degradation!, handcuffs!, use of sex toys!, Overstim!, size kink!, dumbification?, unwanted filming!, etc.. 

Proceed with caution! Sorry if this is too self indulgent lmao, when women (lesbians) talk to me, I become the biggest idiot to ever exist :)) ) 

Today wasn’t the best day to wear a skirt. 

Begrudgingly smoothing down the lilac fabric of your skirt, you huff indignantly. All you wanted to do was look cute for your crush, Marco, but it seems that that was too much to ask for. 

Your white sweater, at least, keeps you somewhat warm from the harsh wind. It’s tucked into the waistband of your high waisted skirt, and your thigh high socks push the fat of your cute thighs out slightly. The sound of your white sneakers against the pavement is drowned out by your classmates’ loud voices, and you’re seemingly unaware of a certain black-eyed glare. 

Seeing your classroom come into view, you hurry inside, sliding into your lab assigned seat. Eyeing the dark haired male of your dreams, you can’t help but sigh pathetically at the fact that he hasn’t noticed you. Up until recently, the two of you were great friends-always hanging out and texting one another. But, the moment the both of you picked up this class, everything changed. 

Hearing the seat next to you slide open, you glance up at your seatmate. Smiling up at the tall woman, you greet her kindly, “Hi, Lena! How’re you today?” 

The Russian exchange student smirks down at you, as she plops onto the seat, “Good, now that you’re here.” 

Laughing at her gruff words, you wave her off, “You always say that,” Zipping open your backpack, you pull out your class notes, “What’re you going to do this weekend?”

Her smirk widens, dark eyes gleaming, “Why? Asking me on a date?” You laugh once more, completely oblivious to her hopeful tone. 

“You’re so funny, Lena,” Pulling out your pack of multicoloured pens, you start to set up for your class, “I just heard you speaking with Annie about ‘something big’ the other day, so I became curious.” 

Not one to acknowledge boundaries, the blonde woman starts to play with your (hair/sweater), “I’m throwing a party, one you should come to,” Her tone leaves no room to negotiate, but you don’t really notice. Nodding, you smile up at her. 

“Sounds fun! When is it and who’s going?” Her hand trails down to your thigh, fiddling with your sock. Brushing off your mild alarm at her ministrations, you justify her actions through your cultural differences. 

“Tonight at eight. Annie and her friends should be there, same with Marco and a few others,” She name dropped the kind man on purpose, knowing your misguided infatuation with him. If only you knew how much of a pussy he is. All she did was threaten him once, and suddenly he stayed clear of you. It made her life easier, sure, but it annoyed her that he dropped you like a gutted fish. You’re too good for that. 

Pulling out your phone, you pull up your calendar, showcasing that you have no plans this evening, “Okay, I can go!” 

Her smirk grows wider than before, “Great,” Yelena’s accent seemingly grows thicker, her r rolling more harshly than before. 

With that, class begins without a hitch; Yelena’s hand still glued to your perfect thigh. 

-

Stepping out of your car, you readjust your new outfit. Keeping the thigh highs from earlier, you changed your lilac skirt for a black, body con one, along with a cropped, black long sleeve shirt that accentuates your cleavage. 

Slamming your car door shut, you lock it with your key, before heading towards Yelena’s luxurious flat. You can hear low music and voices from her open top floor balcony, multiple shadows moving inside her home. 

With a fast beating heart, you can’t help but hope that Marco will speak with you tonight. With that hope deep in your chest, you step inside the fancy building’s lobby. Approaching the front desk, you go to show them your ID, but are met with brightly smiling faces. 

“Go on up to the tenth floor, (Your Name)! Yelena already told us that you’re coming!” Surprise overcomes your form. Why do they know you by appearance alone? You’ve never even been here before. 

“Oh, okay! Thank you,” Deciding to ignore the weird situation at hand, you head towards the lift. Pressing the button, you wait a few moments, before stepping into the open lift doors. The sleek metal walls reflect your appearance back at you, whilst you press the pristine ‘10’ button. With a small beep, the lift begins to move, practically flying at top speed to the top floor. 

Once at the tenth floor, the doors fly open, showing what looks to be a living room. You can’t help but gawk at the large flat displayed before you. Your classmate must be quite wealthy to afford a place like this. 

You awkwardly make your way inside, and are immediately greeted by the party’s host, “Hey, (Your Name), welcome!” You’re side hugged by a buff arm, practically slammed into Yelena’s torso. 

“Hey, thanks for having me!” You pat her back in an attempt to have her let you go, but instead, it seems to spur her on. She drags you towards a large L-shaped couch, which is filled by Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt. A handful of others sit at her dining room table and kitchen counter, the open concept allowing everyone to see and speak to each other comfortably. 

Reiner glances up from the story he’s telling Historia and Ymir, a grin painting his handsome features, “Whoa, that’s a new look for you, (Your Name)!” 

Multiple eyes are suddenly glued to your now self conscious form, an uneasy smile on your face, “Hello, everyone.”

“Don’t get me wrong, you look great! It’s just really different from your normal, cute clothes,” People nod and agree with the large man, causing you to break out in a nervous sweat. 

“Well, I hope I don’t look too bad,” You joke halfheartedly, “I just wanted to try something new.” 

Yelena takes your appearance in, practically salivating. Whilst she does enjoy your usual clothing, this look fits you quite well. 

“You look very nice,” Bertholdt reassures soothingly, patting the spot by him, “You can sit next to me, if you’d like.”

The short haired woman glued to your side reacts immediately, “No, the girl needs a drink,” Annie shoots her a knowing look, which she nods to in response. You’re practically ragdolled to the kitchen bar, as the conversation starts up once more. Once at the marble countertop, the large woman releases you in favour of pouring you a cup of spiked punch, “This is very good. Made it myself.” 

You give her a bright smile, accepting the red solo cup, “Cool! I’m sure it’s delicious!” Bringing the cup to your (lipstick/chapstick/lipgloss) coated lips, you take a small sip. A burst of fruity goodness explodes on your tastebuds, making your eyes widen in surprise. You can’t taste a drop of alcohol in it, “Wow! This is really good!” 

A proud grin overtakes her lips, as she nods her thanks, “Of course it is. I knew you were coming, after all,” You laugh in response, and take another sip of the red liquid. 

“I see! Well, you have a very nice home!” The tall woman leans against the counter, holding herself up with an arm that goes behind your form. 

“Thank you. It’s very spacious. I find myself lonely at times,” Her large, black eyes stare down at you, trying to send you a message through them alone. 

“Oh, well, have you tried getting a roommate? Maybe the flat won’t be so empty,” She nods at your words. 

“Yes, that’s a good idea. Would you be my roommate?” You laugh, thinking that she’s joking. Not bothering to look up, as you take another swig of your drink, you don’t see the somewhat hurt look on her face. 

“That would be something! Not only are we seatmates, but we’re also roommates,” You giggle some more, taking more sips of your delicious drink, “But, your flat is a lot nicer than mine. I may take up on your offer.”

Looking up, you see her grin at you approvingly, “Yes, that would be nice,” What you don’t know is that her lease is almost up, making it so she has paperwork she needs to fill out. Paperwork that would look great with your co-sign on it. 

-

Three drinks in, and you’re feeling a bit woozy. Typically, you’re not a lightweight, but it seems that you are tonight. 

Leaning your upper body onto Yelena’s strong form, you laugh hysterically at something Reiner says, “Oh my God, you’re hilarious-” You cut yourself off with a snort, causing the entire room to laugh at your cute giggling. 

The short haired woman you’re currently using as a pillow holds you tenderly, a pleased smile on her face. The stuff Annie gave her works very well. 

“Man, if you weren’t Yelena’s girl, I would’ve cuffed you a semester ago!” Reiner roars wholeheartedly, slapping the leather couch below him. 

In your cloudy mind, you barely understand the words he just said, “Haha, wha-?” 

Pushing your head into her breasts, Yelena shushes you, “My poor baby is such a lightweight,” She and the others chuckle at that understatement, “I think it’s time to turn in for the night.”

Her civil way of kicking everyone out was enough, as everyone trickles out of her luxurious flat. Once the last person leaves, Yelena stands to her feet, scooping you up in her buff arms. She goes to her lift, pressing the lock input, she types in the lock code, not allowing anyone in or out of her home. Your high mind can barely comprehend what’s going on around you. 

She hums an unknown tune, as she goes up her steps to her master bedroom. Kicking open the door, she flips on her bedroom light with her elbow, before shutting the door with her foot. Sauntering to her California King sized bed, she lays your drugged out form on her light grey coloured sheets. 

“-Lena, wha-” Your head lulls to the side as you giggle uncontrollably, “-Are- are we dating?” She hums in response, starting to pull down your skirt. 

“Yes, my Darling Girl,” She smooches your forehead, “We’ve been together since I moved here,” Pulling your skirt’s fabric down and off of your legs, she tosses it on the floor, exposing your pink panties. 

“Bu-but, I like Marco,” You weakly attempt to push her grabby hands away from you, “I-I wan’ Marco!” 

The feelings of disgust, envy, and fury overwhelm her all at once. How dare you! She’s always treated you so well, that spineless fucker doesn’t deserve anything from you! He especially doesn’t deserve your wonderful heart! 

She says nothing, grabbing your blouse, and chucking it off of you. Your breasts jiggle at her ministrations, your bra just barely containing your tits. Seeing your almost bare, perfect body makes her pussy tingle, but her anger outweighs her arousal. 

Settling on the bed, she grasps your boneless body, and pulls you over her knees. You’re still muttering and questioning the validity of your relationship, all whilst saying that horrible boy’s name, causing her to cup the fat of your ass and squeeze harshly. 

“Baby, you know better than to say those horrible things. I love you very much, and it hurts to hear you say that.” 

Your breasts, arms, and head rest over her left knee, as you try to look up at her stern face, “But-”

“No buts, you know what happens when you act like a brat,” She slaps your ass experimentally, earning a pained yelp. A small smirk covers her lips, and she hits your ass as hard as she can. 

“‘M sorry! ‘M sorry! I didn’t mean it!” Your pleading is cute, so cute. 

“I know you didn’t, Princess. But I have to remind you of your place,” She slams her hand down once more, jolting your entire body. A shrill cry leaves your lips, as you try to move off of her lap, but seemingly can’t find the strength to do so. 

After five more smacks, the blonde pulls you onto her lap in a straddling position. One of her arms wraps around your top half, pushing your crying face into her neck. The other is wrapped around your waist, hand smoothing over your bruising ass, and playing with the hem of your panties. 

“Don’t cry, Princess. You know I had to set you straight,” She coos, “Your stupid, little brain is far too gone to understand at the moment, but you will once you sober up. So, for now, let your Daddy make you feel good.” 

You mutter nonsensical words in between your sobs, but the large woman isn’t put off. After she’s done with you, you’ll never think of that freckled fuck ever again. At least, you won’t unless you want him dead. 

Wrestling your pliant body to the mattress once more, she leaves you on the bed by yourself, before rolling onto the left side. Opening the top drawer of her nightstand, she pulls out a pair of handcuffs, a battery powered hitachi wand, duct tape, and a small bottle of lube. Setting them on the bed by your writhing form, she quickly makes her way back to you. 

“Shh, it’s alright, Princess. I’m right here,” Yelena reaches under you, fiddling with your bra’s hooks until it pops open, allowing her to slide your useless arms out of the garment. Tossing it aside, she sucks in a deep breath, enjoying the view of your plush chest. Experimentally, she pinches your right nipple, relishing the small moan you let out at the feeling. Gripping the handcuffs next to you, she feeds your dainty wrists through the opening, popping the pink, plush cuffs on tightly. Happy with the result, she continues her endeavour. 

Moving farther down your body, she leaves your socks on, loving how your thigh fat squishes up a bit. Grabbing the hem of your cute, pink panties, she pushes them off of you, exposing your pretty cunny. It separates from you with a small string of slick, filling Yel with a sense of satisfaction. You’re her perfect pain slut, aren’t you? 

Pushing on your pliant legs open, she smiles happily down at you, dark eyes blown wide open, “Awe, is your slutty pussy wet for me?” 

You shake your head rapidly, disorienting yourself more than before, “Nu-no! It’s not!” She clicks her tongue teasingly, her smile growing wider than before. 

“Don’t lie to me, Princess. Now I have to punish you once more,” Forcing your legs open, she holds them down with her own, straddling your waist. Her large form easily overpowers you, as she grabs the blue hitachi wand, and flips it on to the highest setting. Pushing it against your clit with a swift motion, your entire body jolts at the sudden stimulation. A loud whine leaves your lips, as you try to buck it off of your sensitive cunny. 

“Puh-please! Take it off! It’s too much!” Yelena snickers in delight, ignoring your pleading. Grabbing the duct tape from beside you, she rips off a few long strips, before smacking them onto your skin and the vibrator, effectively keeping it attached to you. 

Your moans and whimpers continue to grow louder and louder, as you try your best not to cum. You bite your lips in the hopes of stifling yourself, but it does little to help. If anything, it just spurs the large woman on. 

“Go on, cum for me, cum for Daddy,” You shake your head, a few keens falling from your mouth, as she watches in awe at the way your cunny leaks and clenches around nothing. 

Your toes curl in ecstasy as you cum, a loud whine escaping you. A gush of your orgasm flows from you, wetting the blonde woman and the mattress below. Two long, slender fingers prod at your slick pussy, forcing themselves inside your sensitive walls. 

“Good Girl, You’re so Good for me,” They Start to move in a ‘come hither’ motion, hitting your g-spot repeatedly with how long her fingers are.  

“Too much! Too much!” You cry, as she quickly brings you over the edge once more. 

More slick sprays from your cunny, as overstimulation begins to set in. Yelena captures your lips with hers, thrusting her tongue into your mouth. The kiss is wet and hot, as she grips at your plush chest. 

“No, no it’s not, Baby. It’s not enough,” Fumbling with her fly, she releases the strap she’s been wearing all night. In all honesty, she’s surprised that you hadn’t noticed the bulge or felt it underneath your ass earlier. It’s a good ten inches in length, and around 5.5 inches of girth. 

It is pretty intimidating for most, but due to your fucked out stupor, it should feel amazing for you. Grabbing the lube, she squeezes a small amount onto the silicone cock, smoothing it over the toy in sync with her fingers pumping inside of you. 

Deeming the toy and your cunny ready, she makes the next move. Sliding off of your numb legs, she stands to her feet, towering over you in all of her glory. Hefting you up and off of the mattress, she quickly punched your back against her pristine, white wall. Forcing your arms around the back of her head, she continues to kiss your drooly mouth vigorously. 

Wrapping your legs around her slender waist, her large leg muscles and arms work to hold you up. Guiding your dripping cunny over the tip of her strap, she slowly sinks you onto it. 

A keen of both surprise and pleasure rips out of your throat, as you grip onto her short, blonde locks. Giggling, she bucks her hips into yours sharply, causing you to orgasm on the spot. The vibrator and her strap on feels like heaven. 

Throwing your head back in bliss, you feel your arousal drip onto her dress pants, creating even more wet spots than before. Separating from your lips, she grins down at you. 

“Look at you, dirty Girl,” She spanks your ass harshly with one hand, as she continues a hardcore pace. The tip of the silicone cock batters against your cervix, causing you to cry out in both pleasure and pain, “You love it when Daddy ruins your pussy, don’t you?” 

Too fucked out to think properly, you nod your head vigorously, “Uh-huh! Uh-huh! I love Daddy’s cock!” She kisses your cheek tenderly, not stopping her thrusts for even a moment. Moving her lips down your vulnerable neck, she starts to suck the tender skin, leaving dark love marks on your pretty skin. 

“Mmm, good Princess! Since you’re such a good girl, I think you deserve a treat. Do you want a treat? Does your dumb little mind even understand what I’m saying?” You nod once again, eyes teary and pleading. 

“Yes! Yes! I want a treat, please, Daddy!” Smirking against your skin, she reaches into her pocket from around your thigh. 

“Since you asked so nicely-“ She presses the injector lever, shooting a large load of fake cum into your gummy, needy pussy. You cum almost immediately, this clearly being the biggest orgasm of the night, as you practically convulse and squirt a geyser of cum all over the place, “I think you deserve Daddy’s cum inside you.” 

You practically sob at the overstimulation and the feeling of being so full, “Thank you! Thank you, Daddy!” You kiss her of your own volition, surprising the large woman. Her heart warms, loving how you’ve become so submissive. 

Cradling you’re form to her muscular body, she saunters back towards the bed, pushing any other objects off and into the night side table. 

Placing you on the now dry sheets, she quickly flicks off the vibrator still taped to your clit, before placing it on the table beside her. Plucking off the duct tape, she then takes off your handcuffs, effectively freeing you. Instead of moving away from the woman, you lay there tiredly, no longer processing the situation. 

Sighing in content, Yelena grabs a hand towel from the drawer she keeps her sex toys in, and wrestles it under your hips. Smiling, she removes the strap from inside of you, enjoying the sight of the fake cum flooding out of you. 

Laying next to you, she pulls your head into her chest, curling around you as if she were a safety blanket. 

“You did well, Princess,” You don’t say anything, snuggling into her warmth, “Go to sleep, tomorrow we’ll announce our official status, okay?” 

An slurred ‘Okie’ is heard, before you slip into unconsciousness. Cupping your face in appreciation, her dark eyes glance in the direction of a small green light coming from her video camera. 

Now you’ll have to date her; after all, you wouldn’t want your sex tape to get out, would you? 

[manjiroro]

Hello i just started following you and i rlly like ur blog. Can i request a fem or gender neutral y/n x senju from tokyo rev angst where y/n doesnt think shes gay or bi and them she meets senju and everything and like y/n has kinda an identity crisis while senju is trying to help her and senju wants to be with her but y/n is scared so they decide to sneak around and do s/o things but not actually date and senju thinks shes ashamed of her which isnt tru and senju helps her come out and her oarrnt accept ger so like happy ending.

Thanks for listening i hope u take this into consideration.😅😅

here for you

character: senju

content: fluff to slight angst to fluff, fem reader, lgbtq+ reader, identity crisis, sexual awakening

hihi thank you for requesting~~ thank you for the follow and im so glad you like my blog huhu :3 omg i love this req sm lowkey inspired by my identity crisis oops and i hope this doesnt sound homophobic in any way!! do let me know tho so i can learn from it :)

i apologise for any mistakes and i hope you enjoy~~

you were so sure that you were straight all your life. you like boys and you’ve dated some in your life, but never once has the thought of dating a girl crossed your mind. so why the hell did you freeze up the moment akashi senju stepped foot in your class?

the moment she skipped in, white hair swaying with her body and that oh so adorable smile etched on her lips, you could feel your body temperature rise as you watched her make her way next to your teacher.

“i’m akashi senju! it’s a pleasure to be your classmate from today!”

her sweet voice rings in your ears, you leaned your elbows on your desk, subconsciously leaning forward. you basked in the aura that she exudes, something about her was intriguing. you wondered how it would feel like to hold her hand, or maybe how she feels like while you’re both cuddled up under comfy blankets. 

but you soon caught yourself, what were you thinking about? dating senju? no, that couldn’t be true, you were straight, you were so sure of it! it’s normal to think such thoughts about a pretty girl right? it’s normal to have girl crushes right? yeah, you didn’t have feelings for her, of course not,

“hey! the seat next to you is empty! mind if i sit next to you?”

fuck.

somehow, she looked prettier up close. long, white lashes fan her cheeks as she blinks while waiting for an answer, her bright blue orbs staring back at you in anticipation.

“u-uh- y-yeah! go ahead!”

you cursed yourself for stuttering too much, now insecure of how she might be perceiving you right now. senju’s already big smile got bigger as she happily takes the seat next to you. you faced forward, trying very hard to maintain your breathing and not just combust at the new girl sitting just a few centimeters from you. 

being close to senju was definitely a fun time, she was such an amazing person and friend, but the only downside to that was that now you were sure of your growing feelings towards the golden retriever girl. her enthusiastic and protective nature made you swoon and fall harder for her. 

as time passed and as the both of you started growing bolder, hands resting at your sides soon made their way into the other’s, interlocking fingers as the both of you went your way. being with her made you feel butterflies, the way her touch seemed to be so comforting as she held you in that tight embrace of hers whenever she greeted you. often sneaking a few kisses here and there on each other’s cheeks, it honestly felt as if you were a couple.

but that was what made you terrified, this sudden change of emotions startled you. all this time you were convinced that you were only attracted to men, but once you met her, you spiraled down the rabbit hole of questioning. have you always liked girls? was you liking boys a lie? a cover up? or was this just a phase? all these questions weighed you down and you were feeling much more self conscious around her, you didn’t know what to do nor how to express these concerns and eventually, you started distancing yourself from her.

senju definitely noticed your sudden change and not gonna lie, she was hurt by it. every hi sent your way, she received a small nod instead of your flustered greetings. every invitation to hang out was turned down by you saying you were busy. senju was feeling heartbroken, she had a small crush on you from the time she stepped foot into class the first time. senju has always wanted to be your girlfriend ever since and she knows that you feel the same, so why are you shutting yourself away from her? even if you didn’t see her that way, she’s still your friend right? 

“y/n.. could you tell me what’s wrong?”

the girl sitting beside you asked, cocking her head to the side, looking back at you with her puppy dog eyes, but was slightly disappointed when you didn’t spare her a glance.

“‘m fine senju.”

you continued looking forward, afraid that if you look at her, your heart would start to melt and all those concerns would start flooding your mind again. but you were forcefully turned to face her when senju grabs hold of your shoulders, face so close that you could feel her breathing.

“no you’re not! why’re you avoiding me? did i do something wrong? are you.. embarrassed of me..?”

you gasped in her face as you frantically shook your head no.

“no no! of course not, it’s just.. i dunno.. i’m sure i’m straight but.. when i’m with you i feel so happy and i feel all sorts of emotions but.. i don’t know-”

you buried your head in your hands, feeling your head throb from the constant worries drilling into your head. senju softens and brings you into her arms, making you relax at the familiar touch.

“y/n.. it’s alright y’know.. i’m always here to listen to you! take your time to find out okay? i’ll always be here for you, because i.. i love you.. a lot.. and i’ll wait for you!”

you could feel how senju started getting warm after saying those words. you smiled and let out a small giggle before hugging her back.

“mhm, thank you senju~”

and senju stuck to her word, she was with you every step you took to discovering your sexuality, she was patient with you and that only made you fall harder for the blonde. you eventually came out to her, telling her how badly you wanted to be in a relationship with her. when senju heard the news, she was ecstatic, could barely contain her excitement as she brought you into a bone crushing hug, spinning you around in her arms.

until the day came for you to come out to your parents. you stood at your front door, nervous, palm sweating and slightly trembling in fear from how your parents were going to react. but a reassuring hand comes up and slips into yours, turning to face your beautiful girlfriend giving you that reassuring smile of hers.

“don’t worry, i’m here!”

and you really couldn’t be any thankful to have senju there with you during your journey. you nodded and sucked in a breath, opening the door and stepping foot into the house. 

you did not realise how long you’ve been holding your breath until you started choking from your parents’ approval.

“w-wait- are you serious?”

“of course! oh darling, we’re so happy for you and we’re so happy to meet your darling girlfriend! come come, stay for dinner and let me show you just how adorable our darling y/n is~!”

“mom!”

senju laughs, thumb rubbing against your hand while it’s still intertwined with yours. looking up, you were met with her smiling face, love-struck orbs staring back at you. you leaned up to give a peck on her nose, too far in love to notice your parents taking a picture of you to cherish the moment. 

❥ masterlist

reblogs are highly appreciated!!

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

perfect now - a close reading

only pure and true love for this one. it’s soft and sweet because the one he wrote it for is and needs cheesy uncool romcom soundtrack-worthy affirmations and it’s the most wonderful thing oh my the flurries 

some album booklet art for your viewing pleasure

((just a warning for below: while the lyric analysis was kept fairly neutral and close to the words and their meaning, more and more parallels did ensure me larrying out by the time the analysis kicked off so if you’re not into that, you can skip this one!))

⟼ check out @bluewinnerangel​ ‘s magnificent post with all the parallels to 1d/h&l bc it’s exhaustive and was a source for mine <3 thank you again for your service <3 bc this song really is a fanpiece of every song that has been important to them throughout their career so far, whether they wrote it or not, and it’s honestly kinda impressive

SUMMARY

you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway

lyric breakdown ft. the many parallels, incl. little things, through the dark and wmyb

what this says about louis, his partner and the relationship he is in

never gonna dance again frenzy

identity 

louis is a marvellous majestic sonofabitch basically <3

walls, track 10

～ little things “you still have to squeeze into your jeans, but you’re perfect to me”

You don’t feel pretty and it’s hard to miss

You don’t feel pretty and it’s hard to miss

later lyric: “like a neon sign” - i see through you trying to hide away your insecurities

I wish that you could see my point of view As someone staring back at you

“you” is also staring at him, but perhaps is too insecure to realise how mutual the adoration is

i wish i could get you out of your own negative spiral and give you a look at yourself from my perspective

～ wmyb “everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you” 

～ wmyb “right now i’m looking at you and i can’t believe you don’t know you’re beautiful”

～ little things “you never love yourself half as much as I love you, and you’ll never treat yourself right darling but I want you to. If I let you know, I’m here for you, maybe you’ll love yourself like I love you”

On Friday night when we’re all out I turn to you and you’re looking down And you don’t wanna dance I know you love to dance You never stop given half the chance

heavy echoes of kmm again, but the opposite: the “nightmare on the dance floor” doesn’t want to dance

when “you” is confident rlly not being subtle with who i think that is, they love to dance <-> tpwk “feeling good in my skin, i just keep on dancing”

“i know you love to dance” = i know what you love bc i love you

“given half the chance” 

～ tpwk “giving/given second chances”

given a chance tattoo, making another appearance (see below for more tattoo meltdowns)

Just keep your head up, love, keep your head up

term of endearment <3 

～ dlibyh

this album is full of encouragement to keep going and as much as it gives me life it ruins me 

Don’t hide away, don’t ever change

“be happy, proud”

～ “just hold on”

“pick someone who’s supportive”

Keep your head up, love, keep your head up Don’t look away, don’t look away

don’t look away from me

～ through the dark “and I can see your head is held in shame”

Cause everybody’s looking at you now, my, oh my

they have the stage to themselves / new career paths they’re doing on their own

could also mean ppl they’re going out with are looking at them, which “you” interprets as sth negative, which makes them self-conscious, while they’re actually admiring them bc they steal the scene

～ wmyb “you’re turning heads when you walk through the door”

I guess some queens don’t need a crown And I know why Even when your tears are falling down Still, somehow, you’re perfect now

“you” is royalty to louis, to put it simply 

they don’t need something on their head to make it known to everyone else - they’re a queen and everyone knows it

gendered: female - also used in drag contexts - the only time L has used any gendered word to identify his partner on the entire album (more on this below)

～ steal my girl "she's been my queen since we were sixteen" can't believe i forgot this one thank you @mortalenemiestolovers for reminding me!!!

～ falling

～ through the dark “you tell me that your tears are here to stay”

You never do, but if you asked me to I’ll tell the truth lying next to you

“you” never asks for affirmations directly, but by saying shit like their pants are too tight make it clear enough to L that they do need to hear once in a while that it’s not true

Cause you’re the only one when it’s said and done You make me feel like being someone 

Good to you even at your worst

～ always you

i love you so much you are a force of life to me, and even when you hate me i want more

～ drag me down “If I didn’t have you there would be nothing left, the shell of a man who could never be his best. If I didn’t have you, I’d never see the sun. You taught me how to be someone” (sung by louis first, harry second) 

～ through the dark “even if you scream and shout, it’ll come back to you and I’ll be here for you

You steal the scene and it’s unrehearsed

reference to working on a stage - their natural presence wins everyone over - that charisma is never manufactured

Don’t you wanna dance? Just a little dance I’ll never stop given half the chance

L keeps encouraging them, will also not pass by any chance to dance with them

Every insecurity, like a neon sign, as bright as day If you knew what you were to me You would never try to hide away

“it’s hard to miss”

L sees through them trying to hide their insecurities, pretend to be strong

～ through the dark “but I know you were only hiding”

SYNTHESIS

Perfect Now is not a fan favorite and I am so not here for that discourse, so please do not pester me with negativity about this chocolate drop of a song. 

As others have pointed out, the parallels with other songs written by Louis, Harry or for One Direction are extremely present. Especially Little Things is echoed loudly, but there’s so much more to be read, as you’ve seen. These are songs that are clearly near and dear to Louis, bc he wrote them or bc performing them was special, like with Little Things and What Makes You Beautiful. A lot of the same emotions come back in Louis’s writing, so much so that you can’t help but see the larger story behind it all. Throughout Walls you can hear him singing about not giving up and holding your head high despite hardships, and if you look back at his earlier writing, it’s always been there. Through the Dark is an early and striking example of this style of Louis song: you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway 

basically through the dark’s chorus:

Oh, I will carry you over Fire and water for your love And I will hold you closer Hope your heart is strong enough When the night is coming down on you We will find a way Through the dark

It is very clear that Louis is faced with a partner - I can freely say it’s Harry now right? are the antis gone by now? i think so - that struggles with his body, with his identity, with how he wants to present himself vs how opinions on that might push him down and dampen his spirit. Louis, always the supportive boyfriend, then tries his best to make him see the light, while keeping that space for his sadness, his struggles, or their joint struggles. Accept the sadness but don’t lose your heart to it.

I’ve linked @bluewinnerangel​ ‘s post at the start of this post, but I need to stress how good it is once more as I also shamelessly insert a screenshot from it here bc it makes me feel a lot and summarizes perfectly just how deeply Perfect Now is woven into the history of their lives, relationship and especially “you”s/Harry’s personal struggle with their identity/body/confidence...

Because yes, i absolutely think these tattoos are being echoed in the song. “Never gonna dance again” as a lyric and then as a tattoo on Harry’s legs like shackles around his ankles represents the sensation of shame, of being stuck, bc of your desires, bc of your sexuality. Obviously we can never know why Harry got the tattoo, as in what experience pushed him to choose those lyrics or what exactly he recognizes in himself, but it’s safe to say it’s about the struggles of being queer and navigating relationships with that identity and with others.

Most importantly, the sense of shamelessly dancing, dancing like no one’s watching, dancing together with your lover, as a celebration of self, life, love, is the key here. Harry got that tattoo ages ago, at a time when he undoubtedly felt way more stuck. When he couldn’t dance freely the way he wanted to and with whom he wanted to. Perfect Now is a reminder to him, an encouragement to still dance if he wants to, no matter what people say or think. Significantly, then, Harry’s own Treat People With Kindness heavily features that same sentiment, but in an extremely positive light: i have found a place (in life and in myself) where i feel like i have given and was given second chances and now i dance bc i finally feel good in my skin.

Louis has obviously been there from the start, or at least from when or before Harry properly started experimenting with/questioning how he likes to present and how he identifies as. Before he ever dared to consider pulling on a pair of women’s skinny jeans, never mind a ball gown. Louis has seen him limit himself as well as being limited by others ofc and has always seemed to have been there, with a secure hand on Harry’s back, to encourage him. Even at a time when boys wearing nail polish or skirts was unthinkable. Just remember how much encouragement Harry needed when growing out his hair; Louis literally joined him. yes this might make me cry okay i need to stop bc i’m going off track and this is just becoming a larry breakdown while i was trying to hype up this beautiful song. 

What I’m trying to say is: Louis has always seen all of Harry. He’s always had his back, no matter what. He’s loved every part of him. And now, on a completely gender neutral album, in the sweetest, softest song off of the entire thing, Louis puts in the word “queen”, and that is so very deliberate it makes me want to scream. It’s Louis confirming his love again and again while affirming the multitudes contained by Harry, including everything involving his gender journey. brb crying

It’s a raw Louis, an honest, sweet, kind, loving partner, and both of them are fucking lucky to have each other, and I also wish that all of us end up in a caring and wholesome relationship like that. I truly do.

[breathings-of-the-heart]

Stuck on You (Levi x Childhood Friend! Reader) Part 2

A/N: Hey guys! It’s been kinda a while but here is part 2~ I have this habit of writing and rewriting my pieces since I’m never fully satisfied by them, but overdoing that is just as bad so I’m going to leave this as is ajflkajada  The amount of love my first part recieved was so genuinely heart warming and I cannot express my gratitude enough. I’m nervous to post this because of it, to be honest, because I hope it lives up to the expectations. Thank you to everyone who has shown me support, it means so much! If you guys want a part three, or maybe just a short epilogue, I will consider it so let me know! Also if you would like to be tagged in my future works, comment below or send me a message <3 I hope you all enjoy!

Warnings: Angst, Season 1 and No Regrets ova spoilers

Word Count: 4k

If you haven’t already, read part one here

As a former member of the Scouts yourself, you knew the ins and outs of the military’s regulations. Because of this, you also knew your request was a strange one, seeing as soldiers weren’t typically allowed visitors, but you hoped your letter appealed to the more personal side of Commander Erwin. Apparently it somehow moved the man, seeing as you had been brought by carriage to the legion's base the following night.  

The clopping of horse hooves eventually stopped, and you were currently being escorted into the building by another familiar face, her hand already outstretched to help you out of the vehicle as soon as the door swung open.  

“I understand your reservations about this, but you’re brave for coming here. I think he’ll be relieved to see you, (Y/N),” Hange spoke, her fingers hovering over the small of your back as she guided you down one of the many hallways, lantern swinging in her free hand. “I think he could benefit from seeing a familiar face.”

Your eyes were downcast, staring at the floor as rooms upon rooms passed by along your path. You couldn’t speak if you tried, words seemingly stuck in your throat and unable to keep up with your racing thoughts.

Deep breaths, (Y/N).

For better or for worse, there was no need to reply, as Hange came to a halt not a second later. She squeezed your shoulder gently before bringing her knuckles to the wooden door, knocking once, twice.

Your hands were clammy, heart thundering in your ears as you tried to steady your breathing.

“Levi, someone is here to see you,” Hange’s voice rang out firmly.

There was a distinct sound of a chair being pushed back, and footsteps growing nearer. Time slowed down, and you began to second guess every decision up to now. Would Levi even want you to be here? Will he be angry? You felt like bolting away and forgetting about the whole idea, suddenly afraid of his reaction. Afraid that your presence would only make everything worse.

Your eyes were widening as you realized the possibility of leaving was too late to explore, Levi already turning the handle from the other side. So instead, you swallowed your pride, stood up straighter, and pushed away the growing sensation of nausea in your gut.

“Who could possibly be important enough to interrupt my--”


The second his eyes met yours, Levi halted in all movements. Your gaze was fixed on him as well, every bit of longing settling back in your bones the second it did.

He looked nearly the same as the last time you saw him, clean and kempt as ever, hair styled the way it always was-- the same way he’d keep it when he used to chastise you for running your fingers through it.

And those stoic, gray irises that drew you in your were fierce, yet somehow emptier. At the sight of you, his flooding emotions became too much to properly register, unlocking every moment you’d ever spent with him as they replayed all at once.

“(Y/N)?” He couldn’t hide his disbelief, eyes widening ever so slightly. 


“Hello, Levi.” 


~~~~~~~~~

Never did Levi think he would grow to care for another group of people the same way he had for you, Farlan, and Isabel. But sitting around Petra, Gunther, Eld, and Oruo, he found their excited chatter over the dinner table endearing more than anything. The ever stoic look on his face didn’t change, and he would never openly admit it, but it felt reminiscent to be surrounded by trusted company like this. All of Squad Levi had full faith in one another; it was necessary for the battle field. This created an unspoken bond between all of them that the unreachable Ackerman did not picture building with others again.

Fate worked in funny ways, he supposed.

Sounds of clinking silverware and chatter filled the mess hall, sun setting outside of its many windows and painting the expanse in an orange light. The males eyes drifted towards the entrance of the room expectantly, where a clock rested above the doorway. He took a sip of his tea whilst squinting at it, attempting to get a better read before feeling a slight jab in his side.

“Looking for someone, sir?” Petra inquired, with a hint of deeper emotion in her tone that went right over the male’s head.

He glared at her in annoyance, having almost spilled his drink as the thought of you returned to the forefront of his mind.

It was strange, seeing how capable you had become after spending those months by yourself in the Underground. They made you a bit more calloused than when Levi last saw you, carrying over to your skills as a Scout. You never used to be skilled at riding ODM gear, not even when Levi tried to teach you in your youth. Seeing you slash Titans without blinking an eye was like watching someone completely different.

But you had to learn, since you had no one to protect you.

Your open displays affection had grown fewer and farther between as your time in the Survey Corps dragged on. At first, Levi thought nothing of it. Truthfully, the Captain had hardly noticed, with how busy the both of you were. He wrote it off as stress, or the workload catching up to you. Or, maybe, it was that nagging thought in the back of his conscience he dared not dwell on: he had turned you into this, after being away for so long and then failing to protect your friends.

But as your words replayed in his mind like a broken record, too late he realized this wasn’t the case.

“I see the way you look at her. I see it because you used to look at me that way.”

“Captain?” Petra repeated, leaning forward to study his distant countenance and successfully pulling the man out of his thoughts. “She’s probably just training.”

He rested his hand on top of her head, turning it away from him and sighing.

“Eat, Petra. I don’t need you to be whining about hunger during our patrol tomorrow morning,” he chastised, forcing his eyes away from the doorway.

After that talk, Levi had watched you go, telling himself that you’d return soon enough. Yet could not shake the feeling in his gut that there was something amiss. He pushed away the pit in his stomach. You were safe, you were healthy, and that was all that mattered. Humanity’s Strongest had other things to focus on, after all, and tuned back into his comrades’ conversation. The man blended back in easily, occasionally offering a few of his own comments as the meal dragged on.

Every so often his thoughts would shift back to your conversation earlier that day, and he realized that you were wrong. As close to Petra as he had gotten, there was a stark difference between you and her:

No matter how strong you’d get, and no matter what you thought of him, Levi would always shield you from as much of this world as he could.

But it was better this way. Better if you moved on from him and easier to do if you thought it was because he wanted Petra.

If only he knew your last words to him “I’ll be back for dinner,” had been a lie.

It had been strange for him when you didn’t return. Levi tried not to think about how Kenny had done the same, instead grasping for a reason. For once, he could not read your thought process. The male had no idea why you’d voluntarily leave, after everything. He knew better than to hold onto certainty, but you’d thrown him for a loop. You were always the one to communicate, the problem solver, the one who understood him without much direction. Didn’t you know that you were irreplaceable? He should have come clean: told you that he didn’t see Petra that way, and just didn’t have the heart to admit he didn’t feel good enough for you anymore.

Did he ever even get the chance to say “I love you?”

His regret multiplied tenfold as he began to understand that maybe if he had, you would’ve stayed.

~~~~~~~~

A strange sense of comfort washed over the man as you smiled softly, small hands clasped together in front of you. He blinked, wondering if you were simply a mirage caused by his sleep deprivation. But you remained where you were, after all this time, standing at his door. For once in the man’s life, his mind was drawing a blank.

“I’ll leave you guys to it, then,” Hange stated, excusing herself and soon disappearing out of sight. 


Her statement pulled the both of you back into the present, and you were suddenly self conscious of Levi’s stare. You tucked your hair behind your ears and gestured towards his office, unable to gage his reaction to your presence.

“Would it be alright if I came in?” you asked shyly, astonished he hadn’t slammed the door in your face the second Hange left. 


To your shock, Levi simply nodded, stepping aside to let you through. Your movements were unsure and hesitant, stark in comparison to his: calm and collected as ever.

Just like any space Levi occupied, the area was clean and tidy, a lantern sitting upon his desk the only source of light against the cloudy night sky. It smelled like tea leaves, sandalwood, and disinfectant, a signature scent that made you fill with nostalgia. As the click of the door echoed behind you, the reality of your situation set in, and you turned around to face the man you were here to see.

His gaze had never left you.

“You’re hurt,” was the first thing that left your mouth, concern evident as you studied the bandaging that peaked above his knee length shoes. 


“Long story,” Levi offered curtly, eyeing you up and down from a few feet away. “One I don’t particularly care to tell you.” 


“Of course, that’s fine,” you agreed softly, a weak smile pulling at your lips.

You did your best to mask the hurt, knowing you deserved to feel it. It hurt to be here, the fear that Levi hated you previously keeping you away. Now that you were facing the music, that fear seemed more realistic than ever. Your brain wracked to change the topic before your mind could continue overthinking; desiring instead to cut the unbearable, building tension that never used to exist between you two.

“How are you, Levi?” it was a stupid question, but you no longer knew how to talk to him.

“(Y/N).”


The way he said your name was sharp and challenging. You quickly cleared your throat and looked away.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. Of course you’re--”


“--Why did you leave?” Levi effectively cut you off, orbs narrowing as you dared to come closer.

The question caught you off guard. You thought you’d made it obvious with your last conversation with him those years ago. Surely, he had some idea, although his pained expression said otherwise. His fingers twitched at his sides, a movement you didn’t miss as your eyes flickered back to his in surprise. He had been so composed just a moment ago, that the sudden shift gave you whiplash.

Now his fists were clenching, as he waited in the painful silence, knuckles turning white.

“Why did you leave?” The phrase echoed tauntingly in your ears, over and over again.  

You don’t know what came over you. All you knew was that you needed to rid him of the rare, defeated look etched into his countenance. To purge him of this feeling you caused. Whether reaching out would help or hurt, you didn’t know.

But you needed to be near him.  

Levi’s eyelids screwed shut as you brushed your thumb across his cheek. The action was so simple, so delicate, so unsure and so familiar all at once, and at the feeling, the Captain’s composure finally came undone.


He reached up and gripped your wrist, as if you’d fade away if he let go. In previous years, it was always you who craved skinship, yet it seemed as if a weight had been lifted off Levi’s shoulders to have you this close. Your touch still felt like the comforting warmth of a campfire; the type that would make anyone want to stay forever.

“I’m sorry. I thought you’d be better off without me,” you whispered. “I didn’t want to cause you any pain.”

He let out a breath.

“Then why are you here now?” his question was more defeated than hostile, which you hadn’t expected.

If someone asked a few hours ago, your answer would have been much clearer. But now, the logic that brought you here seemed overshadowed by doubt. After all this time, and after everything that had happened between you and Levi, any semblance of a relationship with him seemed unsalvageable. You told yourself this mantra over and over until it stuck. So why were you here?

Levi must’ve thought it audacious, for you to run away like a coward and still think you were relevant to him.

“I owe you so much. Whether I ended up being wrong or right, I’ve always acted with your best interest,” you sighed, thumb brushing over Levi’s dark circles. “Truthfully, I don’t know if I’m any use to you now. I might be the last person you want to seek comfort from, but on the off chance that I still matter to you, I’ll always come back,” you whispered earnestly.

Levi’s grip on your wrist tightened imperceptibly, and you longed to bury your face in the crook of his neck; to feel him wrap his arms around you in his embrace once more. It seemed as if Levi was staring into your soul, his shallow breaths mingling with yours at this close proximity as he opened his eyes to fully drink you in.

“I’m here to tell you that if you need me, I’ll stay.”


He looked to the side as if brushing aside your touch, hand falling away from the raven-haired man’s face as he did so. It felt like rejection, as if he was brushing all of you away with a simple turn of his head.

Silence.

“You’re a real idiot, (Y/N),” he spoke finally, voice nearly out of place against the stillness.

Moonlight suddenly peaked through the window, showering you in a bath of silver light. Levi recognized this look. You were wearing your heart on your sleeve, offering everything you had to give; eyes wide and honest, shining with a vulnerability that even after a lifetime of knowing you, he had never seen before. The man felt conflicted at the sight, annoyance prickling under his skin as you somehow managed to hold him together and tear him apart all at once with your presence.

Losing his squad twist that knife in his heart, convincing him that he was cursed to be left by everyone and his superhuman talents only doomed him to live a life alone.

But now, here you were, standing within arms length: despite the pain you caused, still the only person he had left. Only you could draw this much emotion out of the typically monotonous man. He couldn’t tell if you were a blessing or a curse, but in the moment, all he knew was that he didn’t want you to leave again. He needed you to stay here, with him, the way it should be. Because you were family.

And true to your word, you did.

“You should really get some sleep, you know,” you stated after a while, closing the door with your foot as you entered with two fresh cups of tea. 


You watched Levi fill out paperwork on the other side of the desk, bringing the cup to his lips in the strange fashion you always teased him for. His gaze flickered up boredly.

“You know I don’t sleep. You go on ahead, though. The bed’s behind that door,” he paused, gesturing somewhere behind him. “I hardly ever use it.”  

You shook your head, reaching forward and plucking Levi’s pen from his hand.  


“What you’re drinking is caffeine free. I switched it, so you have no excuse now.” You ignored the indignant scowl growing on the Captain’s face, urging him to listen. “Please, you really should rest. You know you need to.”

It took an entire hour of imploring and convincing for the man to finally give in, him grumbling as you helped take off the boot on his injured foot and ushered him onto the bed. You knew you were the last person with any right to tell the short Captain what to do, but knowing Levi, he was running on an hour or two of sleep while his body was begging for rest. And yes, you were very much hypocritical, draped across the couch in Levi’s office, staring at the ceiling. But none of that mattered to you, as long as he was okay.

You had been lost in introspection, being a room away from your childhood best friend and first love after so long a surreal experience. It felt strange to be back here, but you were too tired to dwell on how strangely out of place you seemed in a place you once called home.

The weight of your abundant emotions from the day finally crashed down, fatigue settling in. You rubbed your eyes, and snuggled closer to the cushions, letting the darkness claim you.

And in the other room, as Levi slipped out of his uniform, shaking his head in exasperation. His last thoughts while he inspected the door as if he could see you through it, was that of course only (Y/N) (L/N) could be more stubborn than he was.

As he slipped under the covers per your command, the ghost of a smile spread across his lips at the thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perhaps it was the constant danger of where you grew up, and the need to always stay on your toes, but for as long as you could remember, you’d been a light sleeper. If someone so much as stared at you for too long, your body would jolt awake, ready to take action within a moment’s notice. There had been many instances where this came in handy in your past; even after years of seldom disruption in your now boring life within the walls, this was a trait you never seemed to grow out of. So it wasn’t hard to notice the heavy breathing and panicked movement from behind Levi’s closed door.

Just like for you, some things never changed-- when it came to old habits, you knew the man like the back of your hand. The reason he rarely ever slept was one you were quite familiar with. One both of you struggled with, and probably always would. Nightmares never seem to stop. You’d gotten through so many of your own rough nights with your friends by your side.

Levi, however, always refused to admit how they affected him. Insisted on going through it by himself.  

The subconscious urge to look after one other was most likely one you'd never grow out of, even if Levi had. You didn’t think twice before making your way across the office, swinging your legs across the sofa, awake within seconds. Without missing a beat, you stood up and made your way to Levi’s personal sleeping quarters, knuckles rapping against the frame twice. Levi’s shallow gasps quieted, and when you realized he didn’t plan on opening the door, you steeled your nerves to do it yourself. This was what you were here for, wasn’t it? To offer some comfort?

He did want me to stay.

“Levi?” You called into the darkness gently, feet padding foreword as your eyes adjusted to the lack of light.

His silhouette was upright in the bed, no doubt staring at you menacingly.

“I'm fine, (Y/N). Go back to sleep,” he snapped.

That didn't deter you, for he would never openly admit vulnerability. This was by no means new behavior. Besides, the strong emotion behind the Captain’s voice was an easy tell that betrayed his words. You pressed on, sitting on the edge of the mattress.

“Do you remember the time we were teenageers and you got sick, but couldn’t afford medicine so I took that sketchy job you specifically told me not to?” Your back was to him, yet you could feel Levi peering at you.

“Obviously,” he humoured you with a reply, knowing you weren’t going to leave. “You came home half alive and I felt like the most useless piece of shit in the world.”

You chuckled, fingers fiddling with the white sheets beneath them.

“Yes, which was unfair to yourself but also something I did not realize since you called me pretty much every name in the book,” you smiled, the memory oddly fond despite its events. “You were so angry, but I was also scared out of my mind... which was more important than your anger, I suppose. So you let me lay next to you that night. That was all it took to make me feel safe again.”

There was a long pause, you trying to get your words together in a way that could allow Levi to understand how you felt right now.

“I know what you’re thinking; what you’ve been thinking your whole life. You haven’t failed anyone and that stupid idea should be the furthest thing on your mind. Take it from someone who knows, alright? So many lives have had meaning because of y--”

His hand closed around your wrist, the grip much like it was the day you left him.

This time, he would not let go.

“--Stop, (Y/N). Don’t.”

You hadn’t realized there were tears falling down your cheeks until Levi turned your face to look at him. Trying to look away in your embarrassment, you laughed bitterly. His grip did not budge as he examined you sternly.  

“Just be quiet and go to sleep, alright?”

You wiped at your face, determination etched into every fibre of your being.

“Mark my words, Levi, I will make you believe me.”

Levi rolled his eyes but tugged at you once more, opening the duvet in an invitation. When he sensed your uncertainty he simply nodded, arms winding around your waist as you finally crawled in beside him. Both of you knew that there was so much that still needed to be said; so many buried feelings and pain that would only take time to unravel. It felt like a miracle to find yourselves in this situation, pushing aside the thousands of emotions and questions and misunderstandings the two of you had, if only to stay together in this moment.

You didn’t need Levi to know that you still loved him; not while he was coping with another loss. It would be selfish to spring that on, and that was not what you were here for. But you had to tell him:

“I missed you.”

Levi hummed, nose brushing against yours in the close proximity.  

“You better not be gone when I wake up,” he chided in response, orbs fluttering shut.

Your fingers threaded through his onyx black locks, brushing through the knots soothingly. Knowing you’d help this man heal no matter how long it took, you took comfort in the realization that he’d finally let you do just that.  

“I’ll be right here. You’re not alone, Levi. I promise you never will be.”

He pulled you closer, thankful that there was at least one source of warmth left in his life that he could hold onto-- especially after coming to terms with and almost having been certain he’d never experience this feeling of contentment, again. But here you were to prove him wrong, a living slice of home in his arms.

It may have been wishful thinking, but you could have sworn you felt Levi’s breath fan across your hairline, a soft voice whispering “Thank you, (Y/N).” before you felt yourself slip away into slumber once more.

taglist: @asterroidd @chucky-26o1 @silversxble @belovedwindermere @christina-mj-stan @leviackerrman @cravrat @thekohakuriver1 @batakprincess @sunisenpai

[parker-razor]

show me, feel me, teach me - ch. 4

previous // next

series masterlist!

female!reader x mando

word count: 2.8k

series summary: during a drinking game, you let slip that you don’t know much about sex. mando offers to show you what you’ve been missing, and you happily accept.

warnings: smut that’s so filthy it’s insane (extended warnings under the cut), lotssss of fluff, mentions of insecurities

a/n: today’s the first day i didn’t have to work in awhile and i had to write some more... this chapter in particular made me all blushy so lemme grab my vibrator real quick

extended warnings: somnophilia, oral (m and f receiving), thigh riding, grinding, cum eating, masturbation, multiple orgasms

*****

You watched Mando as he hauled the heavy, limp bounty up the ramp of the ship. You had offered to help, but Mando, ever the gentleman, refused. So, you and the kid watched him drag the lifeless body into the Crest, and into carbonite.

Apparently, Mando had gotten so excited to see you when he made it back to the ship last night that he abandoned the body at the foot of the ship and scurried inside and into your quarters. It wasn’t like the body was going anywhere, Mando had argued. He just needed to see you.

After your little… chat over the comm, Mando was still rearing to be with you. As soon as you had fallen asleep at the end of your call, he jumped to his feet and continued on his hunt at a speed he had yet to hunt at. He had thought that after getting some of his drive for you out of his system that he could rest for a while before he kept hunting. But just the opposite happened; hearing your voice, your moans, the way your words hit him right in the chest… Maker he just had to get back to you.

He couldn’t help himself when he saw you splayed out on your bed. Your tank top was almost see through, and you only had a pair of underwear on as bottoms. He just needed a taste.

After he quietly stripped his armor and clothes off him, he gently pulled your underwear down to your knees and knelt down on the bed. He must’ve not smelled too great after days of hunting, but he was too drunk on your presence to be self-conscious.

He couldn’t stop himself from delving between your thighs, making out with your dripping cunt. It must have still been wet from your earlier orgasm, or maybe you were dreaming of him. Maker, he hoped you were.

You were asleep, so it didn’t totally matter if he tasted you with any technique or rhythm. Flicking your clit with no real purpose other than to have your taste in his mouth, to have his tongue flooded with your essence. His cock hardened at an ungodly rate, and he couldn’t help but start stroking himself fast. He didn’t care about his pleasure, or frankly your pleasure; he just wanted to taste you.

All the sudden, he heard you speak up, and you were coming into his mouth with a vengeance, and he came all over his hand with you.

He didn’t want to bother you too much, so he figured one orgasm was enough (for now). He crawled up to you, kissing your shoulders and your neck and your cheeks. You had no doubt fallen back to sleep by then, and Mando was overwhelmed with sleep as well. He drifted off with his head rested on your chest, your hands carded through his curls as his breathing slowed.

Mando had never been with a woman like he had been with you. Sure, he hadn’t technically been with you in the biblical sense just yet, but this was so different. He had had one-night stands when he had time to spare on a hunt, some girl in a bar who gawked at his armor who he figured would be willing to let him get his frustrations out. A grateful damsel he saved, who was coincidentally being attacked by the bounty he was tracking. Not many women, but enough to know just what he was doing and just how to make someone writhe in pleasure.

But you… you were radiant.

Your beauty was unconventional; your skin rolled around your waist, your stomach hung over just a little with stretch marks littering your inner thighs and hips. When you slept, your neck folded into little rolls. But Mando adored all of it. Not in a patronizing way, but because you were truly just gorgeous. Not despite of your flaws, but because of them. They weren’t flaws to Mando, they were just what made you more and more perfect.

Many of the women he had been with exaggerated their pleasure. It wasn’t fake, just turned up a bit because they figured it would make Mando more confident. Mando hated that, when women would be dramatic when displaying their pleasure. You never did that, though. Your sounds were… primal. Like you were trying to hold them in, but you felt so good that you couldn’t help it. They were involuntary grunts, yells, and gasps. Just the memory of it made Mando hard under his armor.

Not to mention, you had never felt this way before. You didn’t know that there was an expectation for women to be loud and exaggerated in bed. The sounds you made were all you, and that is what got to Mando most.

Mando was pulled out of his daydreams as you approached him, feeling around his arms and shoulders.

“Do you have any cuts? What do you need treated? We don’t have a ton of bacta kits left, but if you really need it then-“

“I’m okay, I’m not hurt. Just a little bruised. All I want is some food and to hang out with you and the kid.”

You and Mando had grown accustomed to eating or drinking back-to-back since the drinking game that started all of this. It was better than Mando locking himself away in his quarters; he hadn’t shared a meal with someone in years. But being able to chat with you and enjoy his food was a luxury.

“What did this guy do?” you asked as you munched on some bread and cheese.

“No clue. They never really tell me, which I kinda get. A lot of these guys are scum bags, they should be ashamed,” Mando responded, taking a sip of water.

“Did this one put up a fight?”

“At first, but then he realized he couldn’t beat me.” You shivered for a moment, thinking about Mando’s strength. You knew the armor added another layer to make him seem bigger and stronger, but even without it he was built. He didn’t have a six-pack, he wasn’t totally shredded, but Maker, was he strong. His arms, his chest, his broad fucking shoulders, they made you needy. You had seen him knock out a man in one punch, some guy who had grabbed your ass at a bar. You didn’t know at the time why you felt an ache between your legs when you saw that, but now you do after your lessons.

After you had both eaten and fed Grogu, Mando decided it was time to depart to catch his second bounty. You grabbed any gear still lingering outside the ship, secured any loose weapons, and in no time Mando was preparing to take off. You were off to Naboo this time, a planet you had been dying to visit. Almost all of the planets Mando had taken you to were either barren or covered in buildings, large urban areas. Naboo was green, apparently, with beautiful buildings and cascading waterfalls. You couldn’t wait.

Mando sat in the pilot’s chair as you sat behind him in the passenger’s seat. Grogu, still exhausted from the three-day strike on sleep, snoozed in his enclosed pram in the captain’s quarters. So it was just you and Mando…

It was a bumpy takeoff; although Mando was a great pilot, the Crest wasn’t exactly shiny and new. The ship left Tattoine’s atmosphere, and after a few minutes of cruising in empty space, Mando put the ship into hyperspace.

It was quiet as Mando hit some random buttons and you watched the stars fly by you at an insane speed. You thought about last night, not remembering much other than coming hard. Were you dreaming? You remember waking to Mando’s arms around your waist and his face buried in your chest, but everything during the night was a blur.

“When… when you came back last night, did you fall right to sleep? Or did you-“

“Eat your pussy? Yeah, I just wanted to taste you. I hope that’s okay.” You gulped, slightly shocked at Mando’s bluntness. You were only really used to hearing him talk dirty while in the act, not him bringing it up so casually. You squirmed a bit in your seat, causing Mando to turn back to look at you.

“What, you like that? You like that I couldn’t wait for you to wake up before I tasted your cum? Yeah, I bet you do, pretty girl,” he rasped, making you whine and your legs clench together.

“Why don’t you come sit?”

“I’m… already sitting, Mando.”

“No, come sit over here, with me. On me.” Stars.

You rose from your seat as Mando turned his chair to face you so you’d have room to sit without the control panel in the way. His legs spread, and he sat back in his chair with his arms resting on his knees. Kriff, he looked so fucking good.

You weren’t sure how Mando wanted you to sit on him, so you straddled one of his thighs, gasping as the hard metal plate met your core.

“Oh, is that what you want, sweet thing? You wanna sit on my thigh?”

“Yeah Mando, can I please?”

“Of course, baby, just wasn’t expecting you to sit on me like that.” You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling yourself in closer to him. As you moved closer, you couldn’t ignore the way it felt when you rubbed yourself on his armored thigh. It felt fucking good, the same friction you felt when Mando would use his fingers on you. Out of instinct, you couldn’t help but do it again.

“Oh fuck, is my good girl gonna grind on my thigh? Does that feel good?” You whined, Mando’s hands grasping your hips to encourage your movements. “Go ahead, baby, get yourself off on me. Take what’s yours.”

“M-Mando… feels s-so good…” Your hips sped up as the friction continued to nurse the ache growing in your cunt.

“Want it to feel better, honey? Here, let me show you,” Mando groaned, lifting you so you were planted not on his thigh, but directly over his crotch. He wasn’t wearing a codpiece, you didn’t expect him to when all he was doing was flying. So you gasped when you felt his hard cock rub up against you cunt.

“Oh, s-stars, Mando, I like this a lot…”

“Yeah? You like feeling my cock rub on you? Go ahead, grind on it, make yourself feel good.” His grip on your hips were bruising as you ground your pussy hard onto his crotch. The head of his cock nudged itself right against your clit between your clothes, making your eyes cross and hands grasp at Mando’s shoulders.

“Oh, I bet that feels s-so good, pretty girl, it feels good for m-me too… Fuck, I can feel how wet you are, it’s seeping through my pants. Keep going, you’re doing so good for me.”

Your moans got louder and louder, sounding out as “uh uhs.” Your eyebrows creased together, and Mando grabbed your cheeks to tilt your eyes down towards his.

“Look at me, baby, let me see you when you cum. Let me look into your eyes. Maker, your p-pussy is so wet, I can feel it. Come on baby I know you wanna cum, go ahead and cum.” You were shouting now, your moans echoing in the cockpit. This was the closest the two of you had gotten to fucking, and the idea of Mando’s cock being so close to your cunt sent you over the edge.

Warmth flooded you, and your legs shook violently as you came. Your thighs clenched over and over around his hips, keeping your eyes right on his visor.

“Fuck, Mando, fuck fuck, Mando, Mando!”

“Yeah, that’s it, good girl. So f-fucking good for me.” As you came down, you noticed Mando was still hard. And you still wanted him.

“Can… Can I have you? In my mouth?”

“Shit, baby, you want me to cum in your mouth?”

“Please, Mando, want you to feel good. Want your cock down my throat.” You shakily climbed off his lap and knelt to the ground. Your hands trembled as they came up to his pants, tugging at the waistband until his cock sprung up against his armor. You looked at the thigh you had just been grinding on, and saw there was a wet spot staining his armor. It made you want to cum again.

“I’m not gonna last long baby, already so close,” Mando rasped out, his chest heaving up and down in anticipation.

“I don’t care, I just need you to tell me what to do.”

“Gladly, sweet girl. Start by licking the tip, yeah just like that.” You flicked the bead of precum leaking from Mando’s cock, his taste flooding your mouth. You swirled your tongue around the tip, eventually licking down his shaft. You had almost forgotten how big he was… almost.

“Fuck, you’re doing so good. Y-You want to put it in your mouth now? You got this, baby, take it nice and- oh f-fuck me.” Your actions interrupted Mando’s train of thought, his cock entering the warm wet of your mouth. You weren’t totally sure what to do from there; Mando had just said he wanted his cock in your mouth, so now what?

“Okay, baby, you know how you stroked my cock with your hand the other day? Just do the same with your mouth, and suck while you do it. G-gonna do so well for me, I know it.” You did as he said, and his reaction was instantaneous. He moaned out so loud you’d think the whole ship could hear it. It finally hit you that Mando’s cock was in your mouth, and stars if that didn’t make a new wave of wetness flood your inner thighs. You couldn’t stop yourself from pushing your hand down your pants, rubbing your clit like Mando taught you as you sucked on him.

“H-Holy shit, baby, are you touching yourself? You rubbing that little clit? Do I make you that wet, pretty one? F-Fuck you’re doing so good, feels so good. Y-You’re a natural…” His words made you moan around his cock, the vibrations making his hips buck up into your mouth. For a second he was worried he’d gone too far, until you pushed your head down even further.

“Fuck, such a g-good girl for me, g-gonna cum in your m-mouth, d-don’t stoppp.” You sucked hard at the tip as your fingers circled faster on your clit, and you were already falling over the edge. Mando’s cum flooded your mouth as he moaned out your name, and his taste made you writhe on your fingers, white flooding your vision. The whines around Mando’s cock as you came made his orgasm last even longer, leaving him totally breathless. It took him a moment to realize that you were still probably holding his cum in your mouth, causing him to jump up and come to your aid.

“Shit, baby, here’s a rag, you can-“ He was stopped short when he noticed you breathing heavily below you, mouth agape and… empty.

“Wait, what did you do with…”

“I swallowed it. I like how you taste,” you whined, totally out of breath and fucked out. Mando’s head hit the back of his seat in awe of how hot you were, swallowing his cum the first time you took him in your mouth, just because you liked it.

“Fuck, come here, baby. Come sit in my lap, let me love on you.” You clambered up into his lap with shaky legs, overwhelmed with the amount of dopamine that flooded your brain. You were still trying to catch your breath as you rested your head on his shoulder as he rubbed your back. These were the moments you held with you when Mando was gone; his comforting touch, how gentle he was despite the damage you knew he could do. You kissed the sliver of skin that peaked out between his collar and his helmet, at which he pulled you in closer to his chest.

All the sudden you heard a crash from below the cockpit and a loud wail… Grogu.

*****

tag list: @niiight-dreamerrrr @ajeff855 @ohhersheybars @sleep-tight1 @jefferson-in-the-tardis @constanzee @halerune @liltangerineart @thewintersoldierswife @ah-callie @witchy-ana @chibi @greyteacup @justanotherblonde23 @hotsauceonabiscuit @pcrushinnerd @altarsw @nerd-without-a-cause @yajairaholmes @stardust-kenobi

[platoniclokiimagines]

okay so I just found this blog and I *live* for platonic relationships. I was wondering how the avengers would react to loki being BEST friends with the reader? they've been friends for centuries, it was never really brought up before, avengers are in the distrustful/warming up phase after New York happened. reader just shows up one day, thor says she's a friend, but she's really close with loki? Loki is being nice? [sorry if too long or too similar to something else the idea wouldn't let me be]

WC: 797

Rating: G

TW: None

A/N: This is kinda short, but it’s sweet and to the point, and also maybe bonus points for being kinda funny? Anyways, I hope you enjoy~

When Thor had invited you to come to Midgard to see aboutjoining with the Avengers, you had been torn. On the one hand, you had neverbeen anywhere but Asgard, and while you wanted to see somewhere new andexperience what life would be like among the mortals, you were a little worriedthat you wouldn’t fit in and would be out of place amongst everyone else.

But on the other hand, you really wanted to see your best friend.

In the grand scheme of your life, you supposed it reallyhadn’t been that long since you had seen Loki, but even ten years was a longtime for an Asgardian to go without seeing someone they cared about, and sowhen Thor asked you the second time to come down, even if it was just for avisit, you said yes.

And now here you were, standing awkwardly in the middle ofthe room while a dozen other people studied you with varying levels ofcuriosity, desperately hoping the attention would be off you long enough sothat you could find Loki to say hello.

“Everyone, this is Y/N. She’s a friend from home. I thoughtyou all might like to meet her, and see what she can do. There’s nobody quitelike her on the battlefield.”

You blushed a bit, and waved a hand dismissively. “Hardly.I’m just tiny and fast.”

That got a couple of laughs out of a few of the otherswatching you, and you relaxed a little, feeling a little less self-conscious.

“Well, Y/N, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Steve. I’m not… surehow much Thor told you about all of us, but we’re very happy to have you hereas long as you want to stay.” He extended his hand, and you took it, shaking itlike how you’d seen Thor do when he’d come in earlier.

“…I appreciate it.” You nodded once, and glanced around theroom, which didn’t go unnoticed by Steve.

“Something the matter?”

“Just… looking for someone.”

“Oh, yeah?” Steve smiled pleasantly at you.

“Yeah. Do you know where Loki might be?”

That seemed to surprise him a little bit, and the rest ofthe room went silent as they looked back at you.

“…is that a problem?” you asked, confused as to why theywould have a reaction like this to someone they work with.

“No problem. We just… As I’m sure you know, Loki’s madesome… questionable decisions, in the past, and let’s just say our trust hasn’tbeen earned yet.” A redheaded lady spoke from where she stood leaned backagainst the wall, and you nodded slowly.

“I get that. Loki’s the God of Mischief, I’d be surprised ifthey hadn’t been up to some deviousthings.” You smiled tightly, hoping to diffuse the tension you’d inadvertentlycaused, but before anyone could say anything else on the matter, you heard afamiliar voice.

“Y/N?!”

In true Loki fashion, Loki had appeared seemingly out ofthin air next to Thor, and you beamed at them, immediately running to greetthem as they did the same. You practically collided in a hug, laughing at howridiculous the two of you must look.

“Loki, it’s so good to see you! It feels like it’s been ages.” You couldn’t stop smiling, absolutely thrilled to have your best friend back.

“I agree.” They drew back then, holding you at arm’s lengthas they studied you. “Look at you, you look well. Healthy.”

“I am. And better, now that I get to see you again.” Therewas so much that you wanted to say, but you hesitated when you noticed Steveand several of the others watching the interaction with bemused interactions.“…is something the matter?”

“No, I just… don’t think anyof us have seen Loki behave this nicely.” Steve actually smiled a bit atthat, and you had to, as well.

“My brother has alwayshad a soft spot for Y/N. Like the sister we never had.” Thor nodded in acomically sage manner, and you couldn’t help but to roll your eyes, alreadyanticipating the bickering you were about to witness.

“Yes, well, Y/N would have been much better to grow up withthan you, you big oaf.”

“That’s not fair, we did everythingtogether,” Thor whined, pouting dejectedly.

“Yes, and I still like her better. Think about that for awhile, yes?”

“Look, you’re bothidiots and you’re both loved. Stop fighting or I’ll drop-kick the both of you,”you declared, effectively ceasing their arguing.

“Yes, Y/N,” they replied in obedient unison, almost too innocent smiles on their faces, andthe room erupted into laughter as the redheaded lady approached you with agrin.

“Y/N… I think we’re going to get along great.”

[jean-kayak]

As a Greek mythology nerd, can I request hc’s of Dabi, Mirio, Kirishima, and Todoroki reacting to their black crush having a Gorgon quirk? She has locs that can turn into snakes, her quirk works when she glares at someone to turn em to stone but if she glares too long; she temporarily blinds herself so her snakes help with her senses, and she has slit eyes and a snake tongue that she jokingly hisses with at times. Sis is a bit self conscious of her quirk since people fear/discriminate mutant quirk types so she’s worried about being an embarrassment to her partner

A/N: Here you go anon, I hope you like it! Also, I made Todoroki's so long lmfao

🔵He doesn't even care about how you look

🔵And I mean like, your appearance literally doesn't bother him at all

🔵When you first met, it was late at night, and he scared you

🔵Your back was to him, so your first instinct was to activate your quirk, the snakes looking his way as you froze

🔵"Holy shit, that's pretty cool."

🔵"Who are you?" you ask defensively, keeping your back towards him

🔵"Someone who's not gonna hurt you."

🔵You scoff. "Yeah, right. One look at you and I can turn you to stone," you declare, your threat responded with a chuckle

🔵"No shit." You debate in your head if you should turn around, but if you run it could be worse for you

🔵But from his words and his demeanor, it doesn't really seem like his goal is to cause you harm

🔵You slowly turn around, your snakes turning back into hair, your eyes finally landing on him. "What do you want?"

🔵"For starters? Your number."

🔵And that's how your relationship started, mostly Dabi convincing you that there's nothing wrong with your quirk

🔵And there's nothing wrong with you, and that he will be the last person to ever judge anything about you

🔵His crush on you is pretty obvious considering the fact that he keeps popping out of nowhere, asking you different questions about your quirk and what you can do

🔵One day, he makes a joke wondering if you could make only his dick turn to stone

🔵And you give him a crazy look as you shake your head before you hiss at him softly

🔵"Did you just hiss at me?" You didn't even realize it, quickly recoiling into yourself, and he scoffs at you fondly, grabbing your hand loosely to turn your attention back towards him

🔵"Babe, I told you. I don't care, and it doesn't bother me. I like you, okay? And your quirk is awesome. I mean that."

☀️He was on patrol one day when he first met you, seeing you surrounded by a group of people cornering you towards the wall

☀️"What's going on over here?"

☀️Everyone freezes, all of them slowly turning around, and his eyebrows raise when he sees someone standing in the middle

☀️Your back is against the wall, your head down. "Well?"

☀️They don't say anything, and within the next few seconds they're quickly walking away

☀️The whole interaction confuses him, but he's more focused on you, turning his attention towards you

☀️"Are you okay?" he asks gently, and you nod quickly, glancing up at him for a split second

☀️"Yes, yeah, I am. Thanks," you tell him, finally looking up at him

☀️He freezes for a second when your eyes finally meet his, and he's captivated immediately

☀️You blink at him, and it jumps him out of his temporary trance, realizing he was just staring at you and wasn't saying anything

☀️And he clears his throat. "Um, do you need me to walk you anywhere?"

☀️You give him a soft smile as you shake your head, pointing towards your left. "No, it's okay. The building I need to get to is right there. Thank you though."

☀️He's nodding his head, telling you to have a good day before you echo him and walk away

☀️For about the next few days, he purposefully patrols the area where he met you, hoping he can run into you again

☀️When he does spot you miraculously one day, he's quickly making his way over to you, calling out before he reaches you to not scare you

☀️A small smile forms on your face as he gets to you. "I just wanted to check--oh." Your face drops when he suddenly stops, and he cringes internally when he realizes he said that out loud

☀️"I'm sorry, it's just your eyes...are different." They don't look the same as when he first ran into you, and they look like average eyes

☀️You instantly curl into yourself as you huff softly. "They're contacts. My eyes kinda freaking people out cause they're weird-"

☀️"Unique." He cuts you off instantly, and you meet his gaze again. "I really like your eyes. They're beautiful."

☀️You can't help but smile as you feel your face grow warm. "And I would really like to take you out on a date if that's okay."

🔴Thinks your quirk is the coolest thing in the world

🔴He always saw that you would shy away slightly, and he asked you why

🔴Your response was that most people think you're a freak, explaining that you've been called worse names that you wouldn't like to repeat

🔴He's taken aback, anger stirring slightly in his chest at the thought of people being mean to you, and he makes it his mission to never make you feel that way again

🔴He's always asking you questions about your quirk, nearly gushing about what you can do and how awesome it is

🔴To the point where he doesn't even realize that he's got a massive crush on you

🔴He realizes when he compliments for probably the hundredth time that day, and you give him a fond look, your eyes making his heart flutter in his chest

🔴He suddenly starts to get really nervous around you and becomes very cautious about what questions he asked because he doesn't want to weird you out

🔴You notice this like immediately because you're so used to him throwing questions at you

🔴When you ask him about it, he chuckles softly as he rubs the back of his neck

🔴"Can, uh," he trails off, his face going warm, feeling dumb now, but he's already started so he might as well finish. "I touch your hair?"

🔴You raise your eyebrows in surprise, and he starts talking before you can answer

🔴"I know it's weird, and I probably just made you really uncomfortable. But I just think it's cool that you can just make it come alive, and now it's really awkward--"

🔴You cut off his rambling with a chuckle as you step closer to him. "It's okay, Eijirou."

🔴You hold out one of your locs, and he carefully runs his fingers over it, and he jumps slightly when it slowly turns into a snake, coming to life in front of his eyes

🔴"God, you are so amazing," he breathes in awe not even realizing what he said

🔴"It's crazy how much I like you." Now that is what makes both of you freeze, and his eyes widen his mouth falling open slightly as he wishes a hole would come in and swallow him

🔴"You what?" you chuckle slightly, turning your head to face him, the snake turning back into your hair

🔴His face is crazy red, but then he thinks, what does he have to lose? "I really, really like you."

🔴And he's practically through the roof when you confess the same thing, and when you agree to go on a date with him

❄You were a barista at the cafe he always went to before he went to work, and he was immediately drawn to your eyes, and he always caught himself staring for just a beat too long whenever you would hand him his drink

❄One day he happens to catch you sitting at one of the tables, so he decided to take a chance and sit with you, starting up a conversation, and he had checked the time on his phone, realizing he was going to be late for work, but for whatever reason, he couldn't find himself to care

❄The only reason why he left was because you had to get to work, but he started making it a priority to get there early so that he could talk to you for as long as he could, and Sero actually calls him out on it, tired of having to cover for him, and that's when Todoroki tells him about you

❄He nearly rambles on for thirty minutes, telling him about how cute it was whenever you would accidentally hiss when you talked really fast or if you were talking about something that was exciting to you

❄They're halfway through patrol when Sero cuts off his list with a chuckle, making Todoroki look at him in confusion. "What's so funny?" he genuinely asks, and Sero raises an eyebrow at him

❄"Because you have a crush, Shouto. It's like clear as day." He stops for a second before noticing that he was basically a broken dam the moment Sero asked him why he had been late for the past couple of weeks

❄He feels his ears go hot as he asks, "Well, what should I do?"

❄"Other than the obvious answer, which is ask her out?" Sero tells him, and he throws out multiple questions, still overwhelmed by the conclusion as he thinks about all of the things that he likes about you

❄Sero laughs softly before giving him some advice to help boost his confidence, and Shouto finds himself outside of the cafe right at closed, knowing that you're the one who closes

❄"Oh, Todoroki. What're you doing here?" He rubs his hands on his pants as before he answers

❄"I was just wondering if I could walk you home? If that's okay with you?"

❄You smile softly as you nod, locking the door before walking down the sidewalk. The walk isn't as awkward as he thought, the conversation flowing between the two of you easily before he notices something

❄"If you don't mind me asking, why're you wearing a sweatshirt?" Even though the sun is starting to set, the humid air is still lingering, and you have to be hot

❄The question immediately changes your demeanor, and he stops walking at your reaction. "Did I say something wrong? I'm sorry if--"

❄"It's my quirk," you start. "It scares people so I cover my hair to prevent that," you admit, feeling at ease with telling him

❄You start to take off the hood, and you stop his protests, telling him that it's okay. He watches as you take a deep breath and close your eyes, and he's in a trance when he watches your locs transform into snakes right in front of his eyes

❄He doesn't respond, and you start to get worried, but then he blurts out, "Can I touch them?"

❄You almost open your eyes in surprise before you chuckle softly as you raise your hand

❄You take his hand and bring it up to the snakes, and he scoffs in amazement as one of them darts its tongue across his finger

❄"This doesn't scare you?" you ask hesitantly

❄"I wanted to ask you out," he responds bluntly, and you deactivate your quirk, opening your eyes to look at him in surprise

❄"Really?" And a soft smile appears on his face as he nods

❄"Yes," he states firmly.

❄And you smile widely. "I'd love to."

[roanniom]

Hey Issa, my sweet honey bun! I don’t send many requests to people, so bear with me. I’ll forever wait for the day you write Kylo, but until then I’ll throw this one at you for Charlie. I had a wander through the prompt list, and I kinda liked “I’ll feel better if you let me walk you home.” with Charlie being all protective of reader, unsure if she reciprocates his feelings. And because I’m a garbage can of filth, I also loved “I’m not made of glass. You won’t break me.” if you wanted to move into smut. I hope this gets the creative juices flowing? Take your time, no pressure ever! 💕💕💕

@paper-n-ashes as you know I have been holding onto this and chipping away at it steadily for FOREVER so I can get it just right for you, so I hope you enjoy it, my love <3

Push

Charlie Barber x Reader

Word Count: 6,862

Warnings: NSFW, fingering, PIV sex / unprotected sex, light light light choking (not even really), mention of infidelity (just canon from Marriage Story plot), a lil post-divorce angst/lack of confidence

The above photo is Charlie Barber, 1-year post divorce. He’s been working out as a form of anger management and because Henry, over many late night phone conversations, has shared his new love of hiking, a pastime he’s picked up since living in LA. Charlie plans to take Henry hiking on the Appalachian trail next summer break and wants to be on tip top shape to keep up with his enthusiastic son.

He’s been to therapy. Learning more about what went wrong in his marriage, but more specifically learning about how he can become a better person in the aftermath. How infidelity and self-interest were born of a deep-seated need for a love that he was not receiving. A love that was no closer to him prior to his indiscretions but all the same rendered unreachable as a result. He’s given himself time to grieve the man he’d thought himself to be. Because that is what had died with his marriage - not Charlie Barber himself. But the Charlie Barber he’d built in his mind. A man limited by support that came with conditions, love that came with caveats. That Charlie was a father and a husband. He was often suppressed, wound tight, on edge.

This Charlie is a father and a man. He is free to celebrate his own success without fear of wounding nearby egos. He’s limited only by what he feels he deserves. And granted sometimes those self-imposed limitations can really hold him down, as they did when he vowed not to jump into any further entanglements - affairs or otherwise - in the time immediately following his divorce. But that limitation was ultimately beneficial. It gave him space to be alone - with himself, for himself. He was able to finally see his own flaws with his own eyes instead of having them recited back to him by another, as if through a crude, second hand reflection. And in seeing these flaws, he also saw the virtues. Charlie was actually starting to like himself again.

And this is when he meets you.

You storm into his life with an energy he doesn’t recognize, introduced at a party by a friend of a friend, filling his senses with your too-loud-laughter and too-bright-eyes. In many ways that’s how he sees you: too much. Your enthusiasm makes you appear too young, though in truth you’re not that much younger than him. Your smile makes you appear too beautiful, though in truth there are often much more conventionally attractive women in the room at any given time.

“Charlie. Charlie Barber,” Charlie mutters as he shakes your hand. Its warm in his larger one and he’s suddenly a little self-conscious of the fact that he’d been holding his sweating scotch on the rocks just moments before the contact.

“Hello Charlie-Charlie Barber,” you reply with a massive grin, shaking his hand back vigorously and with seemingly no reaction to its clamminess. “The famous director, I assume?”

Charlie clocks the quirk of your eyebrow. A tease. A social cue he’s not used to. Not these days. He looks down at his worn tennis shoes, all too aware all at once of the way they dress down his sweater and jeans. He feels rumpled next to you and he’s not sure he likes it. You’re too put together.

You’re too honest, too fearless, too open to new things. Though Charlie’s beginning to grow, your presence reminds him of how stunted he’d been in his marriage. How the same old restaurants, the same old clothes, the same old glass of the same old scotch had become items of comfort for him, talismans of a previous life that he clung to for some semblance of familiarity. Around you, however, those same old things looks dull and uninspired. Quite the opposite of you.

You are the one to ask him out, though he’s not even really aware that it’s a date at all when he arrives. That’s how much he doesn’t see you coming. His affair had been one of convenience. An opportunity to blow off excess steam, and a pretty disappointing one at that, with neither party really find what they were chasing. His marriage had grown cold long before it had ended. All of this to say that Charlie wasn’t very familiar with warmth. With interest that occurred in the light of day, and attention that was given without anything sought in return.

You’re halfway through lunch before you realize that he doesn’t understand your intentions. So you explain them to him. Clear and empty of any pretense. You are attracted to him and interested in getting to know him further. It’s simple, really. He’s shocked by your openness and the absence of any games. In another life he’d once assumed that a relationship without strife, without agony, without strategic tug of war would be one without passion. However, as he soon learns while taking you out on the second date, that he couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

Over dinner this time he finds himself getting lost in your micro-expressions. Finds his eyes lingering on the animated way you gesture, finds his words getting twisted in his tongue as your gaze weighs on him, expectant and waiting for a response to some question. His bodily responses to your attention are no less potent in the absence of angst. In fact, he is surprised to find that his yearning practically triples when you part ways and he realizes not once had he been made to feel like he had to prove something, or fight, or challenge.

He learns over time that you challenge him in other ways. Challenge him when it comes to picking restaurants outside his comfort zone. Challenge him by dragging him, mid-lunch date, on a shopping trip with you, a trip where you gently help him to finally replace the worn out tennis shoes to which he’d been clinging. Challenge him by laughing with him, not at him, even when the subject of the humor is himself. Your laughter is lighter, more carefree, than he is used to. Then again, he’s not used to being around someone like you.

He kisses you after the third date – the lunch-turned-shopping trip. It’s quick and it’s light, on the curb before an intersection on the East Side, right before you both are about to walk in separate directions. You say nothing when he pulls away. Just smile and turn on your heel, already headed to your next destination. It drives Charlie crazy over the next few days. Not because he assumes you have some hidden agenda. On the contrary, he’s horrified that your interior thoughts match your exterior actions. You have been nothing but honest with him. It is Charlie who has been oscillating wildly in his mind. Between thoughts of how much it might hurt if you turn out to be too good to be true and thoughts of how much he’d love to feel your body on his. To explore the mouth you use so effortlessly to tease him, to compliment him, to charm him. You speak kindness like pleasantries, as if affirmations and praise were as easy to dole out as a cheery “good morning” on a stress-free Saturday. Charlie wants to know what you’re like on a Saturday. Away from the bustle of the city. Away from the common friends and the crowded shops and restaurants that have buffered all of your encounters.

But Charlie’s still afraid.

On your fourth date Charlie is more reserved when you arrive at the restaurant. You break the ice by pointing out that the formality of your dates is beginning to feel silly.

“Maybe it’s the fact that the tables have tablecloths,” you joke, swirling your pasta around a fork. “Or maybe it’s the fact that I’ve never repeatedly had meals with someone I wasn’t already in a relationship with.”

Charlie prickles at the implication, taking a labored swallow of ice water. He doesn’t want to comment on the relationship part of your sentiment so he chooses something more neutral.

“Should I remind you that two of these meals have been at your suggestion and you did, in fact, also plan them as meals.” He relaxes a bit when you laugh heartily at that, relieved that the conversation doesn’t get any more dicey.

“Touché,” you reply. Then you lean forward and whisper conspiratorially at him across the small table. He feels himself lean in, curious but also looking for a chance to just get closer in proximity. He wishes he’d had the courage to sit next to you rather than across from you when he’d first sat down. “Feeling adventurous enough to let me pick where we go after this tonight?”

And Charlie feels adventurous. Adventurous as he lets you whisk him across town and to your favorite arcade bar. Adventurous as he passes you a large handful of quarters he got from the little machine at the front, only to grasp your fist in his when he miscalculates how much of his handful you’d be capable of taking, narrowly avoiding a massive spill of loose change on the floor. Adventurous as he orders a couple of beers and lets you show him your favorite game, Burger Time – a silly little maze game where you collect burger ingredients. Adventurous as he shows you his favorite game, which is pretty much any pinball machine known to man.

“Yours looks cooler than mine,” you huff, walking over to the pinball machine he’s playing once you abandon the one that was definitely broken. Or at least that’s how you justify so many consecutive, immediate losses. Charlie laughs and pulls back the plunger but doesn’t release, effectively pausing his game.

“You wanna try it?” Charlie ushers you in front of him and puts your hand on the plunger beneath his, careful not to release it in the process. “The key is anticipating where the ball will go. It’s all about patterns after a while.”

“Then why does it seem so random?” you ask, looking up at him over your shoulder.

“You just haven’t played enough yet. Over time you can predict what will happen if the ball hits a certain corner. Where it will go if it ricochets juuust right at the last second.”

“Sounds fake but I’ll let you prove it to me,” you say with a laugh, focusing your attention back on the machine.

“We’ll let go in one…two…three.” When you feel the pressure of his hand let up you let go as well, letting him guide both your hands immediately to the buttons on the side of the machine.

For as great as his theory of pinball predictability is, he probably underestimates your ability to suck. Because you do, hard. But you laugh the whole way through, and you never quit. Never turn to him in frustration asking to do something else or even to leave. Instead you keep feeding quarters into the machine and bringing your hands back under Charlie’s on the machine. And no matter how shitty you are, you always at least try to focus.

Charlie, meanwhile, is having a very hard time focusing on anything that isn’t your body. His hips bracket your ass in this helpful position he’s adopted, and he feels your pressure against his pelvis with every enthusiastic wriggle and little jump of frustration that you take in response to the game. When he makes the unfortunate mistake to look down over your shoulder at one point he’s met with a direct view of your cleavage, exposed as it is in your low-cut blouse. Charlie begins to sweat and it has nothing to do with how packed the arcade is or with the exertion of gaming. When he remembers that the arcade is also a bar, he excuses himself to get more beer, hoping that one will cool him off and cool him down.

You dazzle him with a smile thrown over your shoulder when he approaches with the two fresh bottles, and he’s not prepared for how the sight of your face almost knocks him back on his ass.

“Charlie! I did better this time!” He chuckles at your enthusiasm.

“Oh yeah?” he asks, handing you your beer which you sip gratefully.

“I lasted a few more minutes than last time,” you elaborate proudly. “So I’d say that means I now qualify as a pinball wizard.”

“Move over Elton John,” Charlie says with a smirk. You slap him in the shoulder and immediately engage him in a spirited discussion of whether the Elton John movie version of “Pinball Wizard” was better than The Who’s version from the original album. However, after a few minutes Charlie realizes he’s lost in thought. Lost in your voice. Lost in your expressions. Lost in you.

When it finally comes time to leave the arcade, the night drawing much later than it had on your previous nighttime date, Charlie’s scared he’ll be lost without you. The two of you walk together for a couple of blocks before you reach that similar intersection. The place where you part ways.

“I think we really turned around that formality thing, don’t you?” you ask him, turning to Charlie and leaning back against the column of a pedestrian sign. Charlie moves into your space, swallowing his hesitation.

“I don’t know, I began to feel a little unworthy when you ascended past the role of pinball wizard.”

“Oh did I get a promotion?” You ask, tipping your head back so you can look up at him as he steps closer.

“The word wizard conjures up images of wizened old man,” Charlie says dismissively, as if that clears up everything.

“So if you’re saying I don’t remind you of a wrinkled old Merlin – to which might I say, shocker – then what exactly is my new title.”

“One that fits you inside and out.” Charlie braces a hand against the column above your head, his other in his pocket. His head dips down so that it’s closer to your face despite your height difference. You feel warm despite the slight chill in the air.

“And that would be Pinball….?” you prompt.

“Goddess,” he completes the title before pressing his lips to yours. His hands remain on the column and in his pocket until you reach forward and grab a fistful of his sweater, pulling him to you. Then his hands are at your waist, pushing you back into the column. His tongue is in your mouth and your hands are in his hair and he can’t breathe. But he doesn’t want to. He wants to suffocate, wants to asphyxiate on you and the way he feels so tethered to this moment, this intersection, this place where you cannot part ways.

When you break apart to, in fact, breathe, your chest heaves and your smile is radiant.

“As far as kisses goodnight go, I’d say that was top tier,” you say on a laugh. Suddenly Charlie’s throat is constricting and he has to fight his facial muscles to keep from frowning as his hands tighten on your waist.

“That wasn’t a kiss goodnight. Not yet.”

“Any longer and it’ll be a kiss good morning, sir. Have you seen the time?” Your tone is joking. You call people ‘sir’ all the time. It’s a weird quirk of yours, like calling someone dude or pal. But Charlie can feel himself choking on the word, as well as the implications of a ‘kiss good morning.’ All of a sudden he feels like if he could have only one more thing before dying, that’s what he’d ask for. But then he kicks himself internally for being so fucking dramatic and he fiddles with the hem of your shirt.

“Exactly. It’s late.

You survey him from under your eyelashes with a small smile.

“I’ve made this walk many times.”

“It’s dark.”

“I’ve made this walk in the dark many times.”

“I’ll feel better if you let me walk you home.”

Charlie’s heart clenches. Before he can overthink, you’ve ducked out of his hold, grasped his hand and started pulling him down the street.

“C’mon Charlie, hurry up. You’d keep a goddess waiting?” you toss back at him over your shoulder. But in truth it was taking all of Charlie’s self control and the fact that he didn’t know the way to your place to keep him from throwing you over his shoulder and breaking into a full sprint.

~*~

Your place is exactly like you. Eclectic, warm, inviting. There is a moment, as you pull off your coat and turn away to place it and Charlie’s on a coat rack, when Charlie feels much too big for the space. Like he’s some kind of giant invading the home of a sweet little wood nymph. But then his little wood nymph is grabbing him by the front of the shirt and dragging him to a bedroom and the worries fade right out the window.  

At first Charlie is gentle with you. His hands ghost over your body as you kiss him beside your bed. When you push him to sit down on the edge of the mattress and step between his open legs to kiss him with a different height dynamic his heart just about jumps clear out of his chest. He hasn’t done this – hasn’t touched or been touched – in so long. The affair had been transactional, just the mechanical motions of sexual gratification. Sex with Nicole, before it stopped, had been even colder, almost as if she had been begrudgingly completing some unwelcome chore.

You, however, are like fire beneath Charlie’s fingers. Your skin, your lips – everything is so warm it feels like you’re too hot to touch. But Charlie would rather risk burning up than to not become accustomed to the feel, the shape, the substance of you. He smooths over your body with a reverential softness, his muscles tense with restraint so as to keep from accidentally pushing you too far too fast. To keep from handling the way that, deep down, he desperately needs.

When your lips suddenly leave his, his brow furrows in frustrations. Before he can open his eyes a soothing finger smooths the furrow away, sliding down the bridge of his nose to press against his kiss-swollen lips. Charlie opens his eyes with a question present in them and you cock your head to the side.

“You’re tense. Like you’re holding back.” The statement isn’t accusatory but it isn’t a question. Charlie takes a shaky breath, unsure about how much he should say. Would his desperation read as too dramatic? Too undesirable? Would his enthusiasm come across as pushy or dominating? His brow must furrow again because your hand moves back up, finger pressing out the wrinkles. He shrugs.

“It’s been…a while for me. I didn’t want to come across as too…much.”

You laugh then and yet again Charlie is struck by how strange it is that you can laugh in his face directly in response to something he’s said without making him feel like you are laughing at him.

“I’m not made of glass. You won’t break me, Charlie.”

“You’re sure about that?” Charlie huffs out with a little chuckle. You give him a smirk and say your next words up against his lips.

“Try me.”

You probably were expecting him to require more cajoling. You probably were expecting him to gradually ease into something more. But Charlie takes you by surprise, grabbing you and pulling you onto the bed with him, rolling so that you’re laid out beneath his body, all the while maintaining hungry possession of your mouth. His body finds its place between your legs and you gasp at the feeling of how huge he is. How hard and insistent against your softness. He drinks from you like a man whose thirst can not be quenched. His hands find purchase on your waist and he squeezes. So hard you’re sure you’ll bruise. You smile against his mouth with the realization that you look forward to watching them bloom later.

Since Charlie seems too preoccupied with groping and making out with you, it is you who eventually takes the next step, beginning to pop open the buttons on your blouse one by one. When Charlie feels the motion of your hands between your bodies he ultimately pulls back to investigate, mouth dropping open at the slow reveal of the lingerie you’re wearing beneath. His hand shoots out to caress the delicate lace of your bra, teasingly not applying any pressure to the breast beneath.

“Do you wear things like this often?” Charlie’s voice is already rough as he asks this. You shrug.

“Whenever I want to feel sexy.”

“You wanted to feel sexy while out with me?” Charlie asks, lifting an eyebrow.

“You made me feel sexier than the lace, Mr. Barber,” you say with a smile before leaning up to capture his lower lip between your teeth. He groans and moves to practically swallow you whole. You’re entirely foreign to him. Enthusiasm, amusement, and enjoyment bundled up into one devastatingly sexy package. There’s no shame in your movements, no angst in your eyes. Just humor. Only an unabashed pursuit of pleasure. And if it’s pleasure you want, it’s pleasure you’ll get.

Charlie now aids you in the process of removing the rest of your garments, so it goes much quicker. When you move to pull off your bra, however, he catches your wrist in his massive hand.

“No…can these stay on?” Your eyebrows shoot up but you notice the way that Charlie is gazing at you with eyes slightly hazy and tongue running over his lips.

“This doing it for you, Charlie?” you tease, shimmying a bit. Charlie’s answer is sincere regardless as he dips his head down to sample the plush skin at the line of your cleavage.

“You have no idea.”

“So you’re a lingerie man, huh?” When you ask he stops to think for a second because, truly, he had never considered himself that way before. He’d never had any reason to. Sure lingerie models in magazines were hot, but it’s not a specific fantasy he’d ever explored previously.

But the sight of you here, strategically covered in lace and laid out beneath him pretty as a picture has him so hard he feels like a teenager unable to control himself. So, as you had urged him, he doesn’t.

“I might be. But really, I’m just enamored by these tits.” His teeth sink into your flesh and you sigh, especially when his tongue comes out to lave warmly at the spot. He moves down your body then, peppering kisses to the exposed skin of your stomach, sliding until your inner thighs rest against the sides of his face and his hands dip below you to squeeze your ass. “Although I feel like this might end up being my favorite part.” He says this last part directly into your clothed cunt, his lips just barely ghosting over the fabric with his words.

You wiggle a bit in his grasp, loving the answering way his fingers dig into your soft flesh. Your fingers card into his lush hair, tugging lightly at the roots, a feeling that shoots through his body and straight to his rock hard member. The way he discretely ruts against the mattress in response does not go unnoticed by you, so you drop a hand under his chin to tip his face back up to look at you.

“Will you fuck me, Charlie?” Your voice is clear and bright. Not playing coy and requiring any convincing. Just asking for something you want. And the hunger in your eyes seems unmistakable, though it still feels to good to be true. Charlie drops his gaze back down to the wet spot forming in your panties before looking back up and practically pouting.

“I’d like to taste you,” he counters. A brilliant smile breaks out across your face at the sound of that but you shake your head.

“There’ll be time for that later,” you argue, tugging on his shoulder to get him back on top of you. “If you don’t get inside me right now I’ll die.”

Charlie almost misses that last part because he’s still stuck on the first part. There’ll be time for that later. The possibility of later squeezes at Charlie’s hard and it’s only after a few echoing seconds that he’s able to process the rest of your statement with a delayed, choking laugh.

“Is someone getting dramatic on me?”

“Not yet, but I will if - ”

“If I don’t get inside you?” Charlie completes the statement in the exact moment a hand drops between your thighs and presses against the soaked fabric covering your slit. You inhale sharply.

“Exactly.”

“I didn’t take you for someone who was pushy in bed,” Charlie says good naturedly, swiping his fingers up the line of you to end with a swirl over where he assumed – correctly – your clit was. You tilt your pelvis to maximize his pressure before surging up to kiss him long and hard.

“I’m actually not. Not really,” you say breathlessly when you finally pull away and drop back down onto the pillows. You stretch luxuriously, almost like a kitten in the sun under his piercing gaze, the movement of your hips bumping his hand to rub you even better. Running your hands up and down the big, strong arms that cage you in and support him, you kiss his shoulder. “I’ve been hoping you would be.”

Suddenly your wrists are being pinned down above your head by one of Charlie’s hands. He’s got your legs open wide with his body sinking against you, hard and heavy.

“Pushy? You want me to be pushy?”

You grin big and wide at him.

“Yeah. Take charge like I know you want – oh!” You’re cut off by the welcome sensation of stimulation as Charlie’s hand drops inside your panties to slide around in your waiting slick. Without the barrier of the fabric between you, the feeling of your velvety slipperiness is enough to make him loose a growl.

He’s not hesitating and he’s not teasing anymore. Charlie has been waiting for this moment. He’s been waiting to care. Been waiting to feel. And what’s heightening the experience even more is the look on your face, the way your lips are parted and the way you gaze up at him longingly, expectantly. Providing all the evidence he needs to prove that you want this too. He wants you and you want him – what a novel idea. There are no angles or obligations, but also no shame or secrecy.

“Well if you wanted me to take charge you should have said so earlier,” he says, the corner of his lip quirking a bit as he dips two fingers inside your soaking cunt, not bothering to start with one. You gasp at the sudden intrusion. The stretch is a lot, but it is everything. Charlie sees the enjoyment register on your face, discomfort melting away almost immediately, and he begins to pull them slowly in and out to massage your walls.

“Maybe – ahh – maybe I should have,” you reply.

“Should I have caused a scene in the arcade?”

“Yes – fuck!” During an inward thrust Charlie curls his fingers up this time, rubbing against that spot in your upper wall that previous guys barely even knew was there. Before you know it he’s adding a third finger and you’re beside yourself. Charlie is elated to see how easily your body responds to his ministrations, how free you are with your reactions. He leans to down to suck a mark over your collar bone while his thumb meets your clit in tandem with his other thrusting fingers.

“You knew what you were doing when you kept rubbing that pretty little ass back into me while I taught you pinball.” His words rumbling against the skin of your throat.

“You made it so easy.”

“And you made it so hard,” Charlie counters, humor very present in his voice. You gasp out a laugh and try to tug your wrists from his grasp, but he doesn’t let you. Just keeps you pinned down as he continues to finger fuck you nice and slow.

“So impatient. I should have known. You’ve been impatient all night, haven’t you?” You whine out affirmations and screw your eyes shut as the pressure starts to build to a crescendo. Charlie picks up speed, his voice growing deeper as he continues. “Wanted me to fuck you on the pinball machine in front of everyone, didn’t you?”

You gasp and toss your head back against the pillows at that, hips bucking involuntarily. Charlie’s nose glides along the perimeter of your jaw, breathing in the scent of you as you fall apart. He’s never felt so powerful as he does with the feeling of your muscles tensing up under his fingertips. Never had the inspiration or audience for such language, but as you shiver and respond to his words, a surge of pride fills him and all he wants to do is dangle you over the edge over and over again.

“Charlie…” His name is a whimper when it falls from your lips. You’re so close. He feels it. So he pushes his fingers deep inside you, curling up with the motion, just as he sweeps one, two, three final circles into the throbbing bud of your clit.

You crest and you break against the tide of your orgasm, plummeting down from such heights you didn’t know you could reach from simple fingering. But there’s nothing simple about Charlie, the man who had been broken and put back together, only to find you, the universe’s overly generous reward for his perseverance.

Charlie’s slightly (unfocused) eyes focus on your heaving chest as you finally descend from the orgasm, but you’re the one to break the spell. Impatient is the perfect way to describe you as you wrap your legs around his middle and hook your ankles to trap him against you. You lunge up to arrest his mouth in a kiss. It’s sloppy, but just enough to distract him so that you can pull your wrists from his grasp. Once free you push him gently to the side so that you’re both rolling over, mouths still attached. He comes to rest on his back with you straddling him.

Charlie blinks up at you, taking in the way your breasts bounce in their bra cups as you busy yourself with the task of removing his clothes. He hadn’t even realized he was still in them until you began unbuttoning and pulling and pushing. Your impatience is clear once again in the way you divest him of the frustratingly excessive material and he finally gets the memo that he should help you.

With his pants and underwear pulled off and discarded, as well as the button up shirt that you had come to love as his signature look, you rest your palms flat on the plane of his chest. You’re still in your lingerie, as he had requested, only it is now beautiful askew. Your breasts now strain out of the cups, having been jostled into almost spilling out with your change of position. Your panties are sopping wet and stretched from his vigorous fingering and the evidence of your orgasm.

You’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

But you become even more beautiful when you wrap your hand around his aching cock, lifting up on your knees as you do so. Your fists slides up and down, up and down and he watches it, mesmerized, until you lean forward to catch his eye.

“What should I do, Charlie?”

Your face is soft and open. You’re asking for him to continue taking the lead. And Charlie realizes right then and there that he will never want to disappoint you. Snapping out his daze he lets his fingers dig into your flesh where his hands curl around your hips.

“Sit down on my cock, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart.

The term of endearment is so sugary. He’s called his son that, but never a lover, casual or otherwise, and never during the first time. Your face, however, lights up and you do as you’re told, sinking down onto his long, hard length. The impact draws a moan from both of your throats followed by gasped phrases spoken over one another.

“You’re so big!”

“You’re so tight!”

You both laugh at the overlap but laughter turns to groans as you roll your hips experimentally. After a few moments of this, it appears that Charlie becomes the impatient one finally.

“Ride me,” he spits through gritted teeth. Your nails imprint half moons in his skin as you clench at his tone, not quite hearing the words. Charlie sucks air through his teeth at the squeeze.

“What?”

“Ride me. I need you to fucking ride me.” You can tell that he’s trying to remain cool and collected, but his brow is furrowed and his bottom lip is caught between his teeth.

So you do as he says. You lift up and drop down, feeling the length of his cock slide through your sheath with a speed that you set, establishing a rhythm that has your toes curling. You let out a particularly shameless moan and Charlie opens his eyes. They widen immediately upon seeing that you’re clutching and squeezing at your own breast with one hand while grabbing onto his hip to stabilize you with the other. The sight alone of your face, screwed up in pleasure, flips a switch in Charlie and suddenly he is thrusting up into you without mercy.

“Charlie!” you cry out, both from surprise at the increased jostling and from how tremendously good it feels.

“I should have fucked you in the arcade. I would have if I had known how good you feel.”

“I – oh fuckfuck – knew,” you barely get out. Charlie hoists you back so that he’s sitting up with his back against the headrest now. The position gives him more leverage and power so he can lift you up and down his cock, bouncing you now with a rhythm that vibrates through your entire being.

“What was that, sweetheart?” Charlie asks, engulfing one of your breasts in his huge hand. The added sensation is perfect, but not quite enough. You wonder if you can coax more.

“I knew you would feel good.” You reach down to the base of his cock, encircling it as much as possible with it’s girth, and fisting upward just as he pulls you up, therefore maximizing the squeeze on his length. Charlie inhales abruptly and drops you back down.

“Little Miss Know-it-all, are you?” His voice is harsh and it sends a thrill throughout your body. Before you can respond, you’re pushed and yanked around, losing your grip with the motion.

“What - ?” Charlie’s hand on your throat quiets you. Not because he’s truly squeezing, but because the solid warmth of his hand causes you to squeak your way to silence. His adjustments now find you pulled up to the edge of the bed, legs spread and pushed back, with Charlie standing between them. Bent over, he grounds himself with one hand on your throat and one on your hip, positioning his tip back at the entrance to your weeping cunt. You expect him to slam his hips forward, to impale you with his cock, but he pauses with the swollen head just inside your folds.

“This okay?”

This power and control, the way he is manipulating your body for your pleasure and his own – he loves it. It’s so new and yet something he now wonders how he ever did without. But he also feels the need to check in and make sure that you’re still with him. The nod you give, the sparkle in your eye, and the quirk of your lips is all it takes to convince him and then he is plowing forward, slamming himself back in again and again. You let out a full throated moan and Charlie revels in the way your eyes roll all the way back.

He wonders what else will make you do that. What else will make your eyes roll back and your toes curl and your teeth sink into your bottom lip? He wonders, as his hand presses softly into the contours of your throat, what it would feel like to squeeze a little harder, and if the pressure would make you even more desperate for him. He wonders if you like a little pain with your pleasure, as he has long suspected he might enjoy, though has never truly had the chance to confirm.

But there will be time for that.

So now, he does his best to focus in on the sounds you release. Sounds of delight and surprise and sensual thrill. He coaxes you to your second climax and you don’t fight it. You don’t demure or wait for him or hesitate. Instead you unapologetically allow yourself to get lost in the pleasure he’s built for you, seizing and quaking beneath him without shame.

The sight and feeling are so beautiful he can’t help but follow soon after, pulling out and allowing releasing all over the bra and panties you had so generously left on for him. The sight of his seed landing on the delicate lace, as you lay beneath him fucked out and smiling, causes another tremor to rock through him, and he finds that he’s still cumming long after he usually would have finished.

Charlie finds himself in a daze in the immediate aftermath of his release. He looks around for something to clean you with, and when you notice you point out a box of tissues on the desk. After he’s done his best to wipe you up, you give him a kiss on the cheek. The mundane intimacy of the act makes him blush all the way to the hidden tips of his ears. It is absurd because you had just had sex, however the press of your lips to his skin seemed to seal the deal. This was not transactional. It was something more, Charlie can’t help but think to himself as you get up from the bed and skip to the bathroom.

In your absence Charlie again registers the smallness of your room. How large – out of place, maybe – he is amongst your delicate things. He pulls on his underwear and sits back down on the mattress, unsure.

Unsure about your expectations. Unsure about whether or not you’d want him to leave. Or stay.

Before he can make a decision in either direction you are bounding back into the room, a smile on your face. Your face is freshly washed and you’re in a faded, oversized tank top, having divested yourself of your abused lingerie. Charlie swallows at the sight of your breasts, free and outlined beneath the soft fabric. He adjusts his hands in his lap. No need to let you see him getting worked up again so soon like some horny teenager. You don’t seem to notice, instead slipping easily into bed beside him, shimmying under the covers and patting the space beside you so that he does the same.

So stay he will.

Once you’re both comfortable and situated, you slide into his arms, drawing them around your body without a question or seemingly a second though. Much like the way you’d slid into his life, Charlie thinks ruefully, nuzzling his face into the top of your head as you tuck in beneath his chin.

“Charlie?”

“Hm?”

“I know you always go to that diner on 15th for breakfast,” you begin, and Charlie’s heart spasms. Both at the thought of breakfast with you and the fact that you so casually know details about him. About his likes and his habits. He pulls you in a little tighter and nods his head.

“Yeah?”

“Would you mind if I show you a new place in the morning? I think you’ll really like it.”

And Charlie laughs. Because of course you’d want to push him out of his comfort zone. It’s what you do – push him to try new things. Push him to do things he wouldn’t usually consider. Push him to be the man he’d been working so hard for the past year to be.

“Yes, but I’m not changing the way I order my eggs,” he grumbles with humor, kissing the crown of your head. “Not yet.”

~*~

The next morning you order first, and you’ve never had breakfast with Charlie before, so when he asks for the same dish, you can’t possibly know that this is his first time ordering eggs Florentine.

As you both laugh and eat and sip coffee in the outdoor seating area of the quaint café you’d picked, fingers intertwined between you on the wrought iron table, you also can’t know that this is the happiest Charlie has felt in ages.

But he makes it his mission, right there and then, to do everything in his power to make you feel the same.

~*~

Tagging some lovely friends (please let me know if you would like to be tagged or untagged in the future!): @celestiasin @tlcwrites @noocturnalchild @thedivinemissn @insufferablelust @edencherries @historyandfandoms50 @lostinthedrive @thewilddingleberries @mariesackler @safarigirlsp @direnightshade @sacklerscumrag @clydesfavoritegirl @wayward-rose @hopeamarsu @barbers-glimmerin-darlin @finn-ray-nal-beads @fizzywoohoo @maybe-your-left @aliveandlonely @han-not-solo @mrs-zimmerman @maryforyou @jynzandtonic @renmaulxo @millenialcatlady @soggywhore @transparentmeoo @leia-suns @alpha-lobito

[natsukitakama]

Fluffy alphabet (A, B, C, E, I, J, K, L, N, R, U, and W) Floch edition

Request : Could I please get fluff alphabet (season 4) Floch Forster A, B, C, E, I, J, K, L, N, R, U, and W with fem s/o please?

Author note : I’m sorry for taking so long hope you’ll enjoy this ♡

Warning : Fluffy / Spoiler from season 3 and 4 of Snk

Masterlist

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Before the Shinganshima’s event, he used to take you on a date around the city. He took advantage of his situation in the army and the fact that the survey corps were popular to go to the city. Not only he could show you off but can also act all cocky telling you story about his adventure outside the wall. He talked a lot about himself but most of the time you didn’t mind cause you were quite curious about his life as a soldier and what he saw outside the wall since you never left your « comfort » if we can say that. Now, after the Shinganshima he decided to become a Yeagarist and let’s be honest after that, much to his dismay, he doesn’t have much free time. Which mean that everytime you two could have some quality times, he spends it with you in the comfort of your house, letting you pamper him because he craves your affection. So yeah you have spent a lot of time on your house chilling around. He is very ashamed of that because he wants the best for you. He kept whispering to himself that everything is for your safety and that after reaching his goal he’ll make it up for you.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Honestly ? The way you can keep up with his shit. Floch isn’t an idiot and he knows that he can be a bother, a real dick sometimes, and the way you never were angry at him each time he was being en ass never felt to amaze him. Your calm and kind nature was something he really loves about you, the fact that he doesn’t have to be ashamed for who he is and that he can be natural around because you’ll find a way to make things right so Floch doesn’t end up having troubles. You’re his light, his arch. Now if we’re talking about physical aspect he is into your legs, there is something sexy and cute about it. The flesh, how soft it is, how they feel around his hand or against his cheeks. He is one of those leg’s simp you know ? Every aspect of your legs is attractive to him no matters if you are self-conscious about something, he loves them, deeply and won’t be afraid to put some sense into you each time you’ll say something bad about them. I’m not kidding you’ll be scolded because « your legs can hear you and they’ll feel sad » then proceeds to kiss them to reassure it that they are beautiful.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

I won’t lie he’s not in the top 3 of the best to deal with a panic attack or anything that involve him taking care of you. People might think it’s because he is being selfish as usual and wants all the attention to himself (well he kinda wants it but that’s not the real reason). To be honest he isn’t good in dealing is own insecurity, which could be seen with the way he is acting like a dick. He is not a natural dick, he is always doing it to reassure himself you know ? Like you can’t hurt me if I hurt you first. So yeah since he isn’t capable of controlling his own feelings, he is going to have a hard time dealing with your negative thought. He might even start panicking if he saw to get a huge crisis. After talking with some of his superior and his comrades from the survey corps he’ll learn one or two tricks to help you getting good and finding your breath. After some times, Floch will learn how to calm you whenever you’ll feel the need, he will also become a good reader meaning he’ll know each time you’re not feeling good. Depend on what you need to feel happy, he won’t hesitate to talk shit about his companion if it makes you laugh. It’ll take a long time but Floch would work harder to help you because he cares about you.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Mostly dominant, Floch isn’t the one to talk about his feelings or the one to follow something. I’m not saying that he got trust issues but he went through a lot and his way to cope with everything : his trauma, his fear, his nightmares, his dark thought are to be in control. He needs to be one in charge all the time. It gave him the (fake) sensation of being strong. Now he is not a dictator, if something is bothering you just tell him, I might add that he expects you to say whenever something is bothering you because he can be oblivious. In bed he might be inclined to be a switch and let you have your way with him, when it came to a relationship he kinda needs to feel like he leads, again you don’t really feel like you’re being leaded by someone it’s just the way he talks or his posture that might betray the fact that he is the dominant one. These feelings got stronger after he joined the yeagarist, since he was « close » to Eren most of them believe that he was in charge of everything with Eren so it didn’t help his need of being the leader.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

After a couple of weeks of a relationship, most of people noticed that Floch was more inclined to talk « gently » with them or at least act like he cares about their opinion. People who were close to him also underline that he tends to not be all cocky and instead was getting more and more serious. As if your relationship helped him to grow up as a man you know ? He was more aware of his environment, of his companion, his surrounding. If Erwin gives him the goal of being a good leader, you on the other around help him to be a better human in the sense that he’ll stop being mean. Well let’s be honest. It would be a hard work cause it became a part of his personality but you’re here now. As mentioned earlier, you’re kinda a light for him even more you’re like his arch, his moral guide, your job as his significant other is to tell him when he went beyond the boundaries of someone nonetheless since his attitude is something deeply written in his personality it’s a work for life.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

I’d like to say that he is not jealous at all but let’s be honest he is. Now it’s not something bad where he’ll send someone to follow you and beat up each people that share the same breath as you. But, he is kinda possessive around you and even thought he is trusting you. He can’t help but feels some dark instinct each time someone is trying to get your attention. You were supposed to be attentive to him and only him, why would you give your attention to some deep shit ? He just loves you so much you know ? Also, he is kinda aware that people talked about his back like they’re underlined the fact that you are so nice, so beautiful like you’re way out of his league. They didn’t understand what got you around Floch, to them he wasn’t that interesting and was a huge dick they pity you which bothered him. As I said before, Floch knows that he is being a dick a lot of times and well he became a little bit (a lot) insecure about your relationship and can’t help but be afraid that one day you’ll wake up and leave him for someone better than him. Someone that would provide you the love you deserve because yeah he strongly believed that he is the selfish one in the relationship which is pretty true but he is not bad for you, and has his way to show you that he loves you. You know him, and were aware that if you’re feeling like he is being an ass to you, you can tell him. So yeah maybe he’ll be clingier when you’ll face someone that Floch believe is better than him, maybe he’ll kiss you in front of them to remind them that you belong to him, maybe he’ll be mean to them but he does that because he loves you.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

He is the part of those one who kiss you like it would be their last time. Maybe it’s because he is a part of the survey corps, maybe it’s because of his nightmares or his trauma but each time Floch kiss you it’s passionate, he kisses you deeply holds both of your cheeks or put a hand on your hair the other on your waist to keep you firmly against you. He might even push you against a wall so his body could be full against you, yeah he does it everytime and each time it felt like it would be your last kiss that you’ll share together. Even though he always came back to you, he can’t help but always hold you close as if you might disappear if he doesn’t do it. He is into French kiss even during your first kiss exchange he hasn’t hesitated and put his tongue against yours to taste you because he craves for it, he craves for you. You’re like a drug to him he is addicted to you.

Your first kiss didn’t feel like one, let me explain. You were dating for two weeks and much to your surprise each time you two went on a date he never tried to kiss you even thought it was written on his face that he wanted to do it. But he didn’t because he felt like you should give him the go-ahead, so he waited again and again before you finally gave him the sign he was waiting for. As he was walking you home feeling that today again you wouldn’t exchange a kiss with him except the sweet peck on his cheeks, he was about to leave you when he felt your hand around his wrist holding it. Floch didn’t much, he turned back and without a blink of an eye his lips crashed on yours. His hands naturally found their place on your neck and waist as he was deepened the kiss. It felt as if you two used to be lover because it felt natural and so good to you.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

I wish that he was a little bit more romantic but he doesn’t so as everything he does, it’s a bit blunt. Like when he met you, instantaneous he felt like attracted to you. So when he felt like everything went smoothly between you two (you’re not trying to yell at him punch his face for being mean for no reason), he asked you to go out with him. It was a date but he didn’t present it like this just in case you saw him as a friend and not a potential lover. Those dates who weren’t a date last a couple of weeks actually, each time Floch was trying something. First he brushes his hands against yours to see if you wouldn’t flinch but seeing that you moved your hands against his give him the ego boost he needed. Then, he started to put a hand on your lower back each time you would enter a shop or anything, next Floch will wrap his arm around your waist. Basically two months later you were acting like a couple without actually saying anything, whenever you got the occasion you brought him foods for his job, you would lean against him as he was putting his arm around you. Everyone was now teasing him because he didn’t have the gut to actually confess to you even though you were acting like his damn significant other.

So one night when you two were watching the stars sharing foods you brought earlier, he just holds your hands like he used to but this time, he also put his hand on your chin to move your face so you would face him. And he will just say it looking at you straight in these eyes while you were still eating your cake. You shouldn’t chuckle but you did because obviously he couldn’t wait for you to actually swallow your cake. He thought that everything was over because you were taking time but then you give him a kiss whispering to him that you felt the same so everything went fine.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Most of the time he called you heaven because you’re like heaven for him, he doesn’t call you like that just to tease you it’s also a way of reminding you that you’re helping him so much growing as a man, you’re like his shelter now that he got you by his side he can’t picture a life without you. He tends to call you sweetie or cutie just because your cheeks got warmer and you became flustered.

There’s a particular nickname that he used only when he had to leave for a long mission, those one were he wasn’t sure to be back. During times like those, he called my love he sounds cliché I know but he called you like this each time he got the kiss of your life, both of his would hold your face as he looked at you tenderly. He will remind you that he loves you and will do everything to be back to you because he can’t live without you.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He isn’t the romantic one but he isn’t the worst you know ? He is trying okay. It’s just each time he tries something to act romanticly he had to spoil it by being cocky, teasing you until you’re a mess. And when he is trying his best to bring you something, most of the time he forgot it. I can’t even count how many flowers he got spoiled because he forgot to bring it to you. But when it’s really important like your birthday, Floch will work hard to not only bring you as much as gifts as his wallet can but also to provide you the loveliest party as possible (or date if you want it to be more private). I’ll give him 6/10 like he is not the worst but he needs to work a lot on his romantic gesture.

That’s why when he wants something to be smooth, he asked everyone to give him ideas anything that might help him to please you. He mostly asks Armin because he is a genius and always seemed to think about great idea for a date, he kinda became his ally even though he’s still bitter against him ( you know about Erwin’s case).

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

As mentioned earlier, it’ll take him time to understand you, for being able to read your properly. It’s not like he isn’t empathetic but he already struggled with his own insecurity, fear and trauma so obviously he is not the best to deal with emotion, feelings being down and everything. But if Floch feels like it’s burdening you in any way, he’ll work with you cause he can’t do it on his own. He’ll always ask you to tell him when something is wrong, to at least give him a sign when you feel like something isn’t good when you feel sad, when you are depressed. He got a list of each sign you decided to use to help him getting the signal that he has to be on your side.

After a couple of panic attack/emotional crisis, Floch would become one of the best to read you and prevent any form of bad thought. Insecurity ? Gone even though he is calling you a dumbs for thinking that you are not enough you have to admit that it’s working. Fear ? He’ll kill anyone that might put a finger on you. So I’m going to give him a 7/10 he is a good but he needs help coming from you to help you properly.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

I shouldn’t say it because it was supposed to be a secret, but he stole you cloth. Not to wear it but he is stealing everything that got your scent each time he left for a mission, because he wants to have your smell/warmth with him whenever he is far away from you. It’s silly, it’s cliché and people would make fun of him if they’ll learn about it, but he can’t sleep properly for example if doesn’t have your shirt around him. He might use your t-shirt as a teddy to hold it close to him you know ? He is pretending that you are here with him and that everything is fine. He’ll mostly take your shirt/t-shirt because it’s small and convenient for him to put on his bag. He also got on his wallet a bunch of things that is supposed to remind him of you, like your favorite flower etc. What can I say ? He is a simp.