#I feel physically sick every time I think about it
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I figured it would be a good time to share an update with you. I completed 5 radiation treatment sessions in 10 days. I had a new Pet Scan today but no results yet. I wish I could say I'm confident of what the outcome will be. You see when I had the scan prior to the radiation, three new growths were discovered. The cancer in my body is very active. Honestly I was never supposed to live this long but here I am.
Each day I struggle. I can't walk anymore or use my legs. I have become quite the wheelchair master though. My dear friend Holly once told me to keep all four wheels on the ground. Sorry Holly. You get a little bored in my situation. I have come to accept some things that I never thought I would have to. I can't feel the sand of the beach on my toes anymore or the cool ocean water. I can't dance anymore not that I was every very good at it. No more hiking on our trips to northern New England. These may seem trivial to all of you. You never think of these things until you can't do them any longer.
The bigger issues exist. I know my survival chances are slim. I will never give up though till my last breath. I know I will never fall in love with that special girl or settle down or even have a family. Why would anyone want a cancer ridden cripple? My days are consumed with doctors, physical therapy and trying to keep my head up.
Through all of this I'm grateful. I'm grateful for the people that try every day to lift my spirits, to encourage me and support me and most of all love me.
So to the following people, I say thank you and I love you forever.
Lauren @callmenonames my best friend in the universe. I have no words to describe the love you have shown me and the love I have for you. You sacrifice for me every day even at the cost of your own health. You are truly amazing.
Ellie @everylittlethingshedoesismagic my sweet London friend and her beautiful partner Sarah. Not a day goes by that I don't get a sweet message or picture. Unconditional and unwavering support and love. I have dreamt so many times about coming to London to just give you a hug and tell you thank you. I hope some day I can do that. I love you my friend
Karen @karenpillagain where do I begin. You are sweet and kind. Very silly and quirky and I think a little crazy too. You make me laugh and smile. When you had your accident I cried for days. Your partner Kate is a very lucky girl as are yo to have her. Two beautiful Aussies that deserve life's very best. I love you both and do hope we can make that Disney trip someday.
CJ @crystaljaydeinside1 Another incredible Aussie. You never hold back your care and encouragement. Always a sweet message, encouraging word or song to lift me up. I'm glad we connected the way we have and always love our chats. You have become very special to me and Lauren as well. I do love you my friend.
Breelynn @breelynnxoxoxoxo Where do I begin? You were a big support to my sister till the end. You remained close to Lauren and have always supported us. One of kind with a heart bigger than your body. Caring, loving and beautiful. Thank you for your continued support and love. I love you girl! You are amazing
Holly @hollys-coffee-cafe I fell in love with you so easy. You are beautiful, caring, and very special to me. I know we had our moments but there are no conditions on my feelings. You are an encouragement to me to never give up and I never will. I will always love you.
Last but not least Sadie @bambibrowneyes when I met you thanks to Holly, you were dealing with your own issues. Your beautiful wife Shelby sick with the same awful disease as me. There was an instant connection with the three of us. Shelby has since passed and your life has gone on. New career, new city and new love. I'm happy for you my friend. Love you
Okay that's it from me. I probably missed several people. I'm sorry for the long worded post. If you remember, say a prayer, send me you good vibes or whatever you believe in. I need them all.
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the symptoms of being human.
jade leech x (gender neutral) reader note - being human comes with its fair share of very specific symptoms. or: jade has lived in saltwater his entire life. never has it leaked out of him before. // HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY BESTIE @heyyy11!!!!!! 🎉 many wonderful wishes of health, happiness, and good fortune for you!!!! :D it isn't a lot, but please enjoy this little gift i prepared in celebration!!!
But a mermaid has no tears, and therefore she suffers so much more.
A long time ago, a human penned that line in reference to merfolk and their inability to shed tears. A fact as intimate as that couldn’t have possibly been common knowledge amongst humans, or so Jade assumed every time the story was regurgitated at bedtime. He always did that: apply logic to areas where logic wasn’t needed. His teachers used to tell him, “Jade, sometimes you need to suspend your disbelief in order to immerse yourself in a fictional world.” He could try—and try he did—but he’d find himself lingering on that quote every time.
A slight amendment to that: merfolk can cry and they do suffer, but whether they suffer more is impossible to know without further study.
Jade operates under the notion that there are explanations for everything, even the wildest of lunacy. There is comfort in comprehension. He would spend hours holed up in his sleeping nook, poring over stories and texts on humans and beastfolk. He would compare and contrast them. Can a tearless cry indicate the amount of suffering per species, or is such an abstract concept even remotely quantifiable? Perhaps it is because merfolk cry silently that they suffer. Because there is no one who can hear their weeping in the deep sea. Because there is no physical proof.
It’s easier to recognize the physical signs of grief, for what happens within is shrouded in secrecy, veiled in the depths of the heart.
So when Jade comes onto land for the first time, human skin stretched over a skeleton altered with a potion, every inch awkward and aching, the sea leaks out of his pores. He feels like a pufferfish not yet expanded but on the verge of bloating, deflated and weak, salt still spilling. And he knows it’s salt because he swipes two fingers under his armpit and brings them to his mouth to taste. It’s saltwater.
He later learns, while sitting in Professor Crewel’s class and listening to him drone on about anatomy, that this is the phenomenon known as sweating. Jade sweats when he exerts himself, when his body temperature rises degrees over what’s internally comfortable and he needs to cool down, when he ingests something spicy, when he’s sick with a fever, when he’s stressed… It’s a fascinating facet of human biology he was previously unaware of.
Azul called these peculiarities “symptoms of being human,” and what intriguing symptoms they are! He hopes to experience even more as he completes his education on land, regardless of how troublesome they might be.
Having a symptom of something implies the affected is ill in some way—as if humanity itself is an illness and this human body serves as more of a hindrance than help. Jade will forever be an eel merman, and this body is just a clever cloak crafted to make his life on land habitable. Although there are moments where he thinks his original form would suit a certain task. Like swimming or any sport in the water, really. But he likes to struggle and fail, learning from every human mistake.
These symptoms are not terrible. Not to him, at least.
He meets you in the woods. You’re hunched over the ground, patting a compact lump of freshly disturbed soil. A burial, he thinks, but then he’s not certain. When you fashion a little marker out of sticks and ribbons, it occurs to him that he was right.
“Hello to you, too,” you say, turning to glance at him.
There’s something that stills in the air. A feeling catches and tugs at his heart. He can’t explain it—still can’t even to this day—but something trickles out of his eyes then. A droplet of water and then another and then more until silent streams are falling thick. He blinks until his once-blurry vision clears, only to find you’re looking at him fully now.
Jade gathers the wetness on his fingertips and licks curiously. Salt.
Horrifyingly, he’s sweating from his eyes.
He doesn’t panic. A grotesque part of him wants to know what else these eyes are capable of in this body.
You draw in breath through your lips. A gasp. “Oh! Are you all right?”
He nods because even if his brain doesn’t understand it yet his heart does.
You are the person he’s going to spend the rest of his life with.
This isn’t fiction, and he doesn’t have to pretend to accept it as his temporary reality just to enjoy the story it promises. He knows. His heart—the eel-mer heart—knows. This salt is a symptom of being human, but a symptom of being a mer is that there is the strongest sixth sense for finding one’s other half.
“Are you sure?” you press, rising to your feet, digging through your bag for tissue. “You’re crying!”
He blinks back at you. I’m…crying.
He’s not sweating. He’s crying.
“Forgive me,” he says even though he knows there’s nothing to apologize for. “My eyes must not be working today.”
A sympathetic smile spreads on your face. “Did you come here with anyone?”
He shakes his head and explains rather simply that he’s come on account of club business. “I’m the only member in my club,” he elaborates unnecessarily, “and so I often come here to hike and forage. I suppose I wasn’t expecting to run into anyone on this route.”
“Club? You’re a student?” Before he has a chance to respond, you add, “No way! What school? I’m from Royal Sword.”
“Night Raven.”
“Whoa! That’s so cool. I’ve heard lots about that school. Oh, sorry, I’m totally chatting your ear off. If it’s not an issue, would you like to walk back together? Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m just worried about you.”
The affable conversation was so smooth Jade almost forgot he’s been leaking—crying—the entire time.
“Why would you be worried? I assure you there’s nothing in this forest that could harm me,” he says, holding a hand over his heart.
As if it isn’t the woods that might hurt him but, rather, the person standing in front of him. He has never felt any need to protect his heart, but now he thinks he must. If he’s to offer it to you in the future, he wants to do so when it is perfectly whole and packed full of happiness.
“Um… Well, I just don’t want you to do anything…harmful,” you say, stringing the words together awkwardly. “People care about you. They’d miss you.”
He glances past you at the burial. Just above, a nest of baby birds chirp noisily. He understands now.
“As it happens, I’m currently quite content.”
“You are?”
He tilts his head at you and smiles, teary-eyed and most likely red in the face.
“I am. Very much so. I’ve experienced another human symptom. I couldn’t be any happier.”
You exhale a quiet, semi-amused breath. “I’m glad.” Your hand is held out next. “I’m (Name). It’s nice to meet you.”
His webless, clawless hand closes around yours. “Jade Leech,” he greets.
— — —
“You look good,” Floyd compliments, watching Jade fuss over himself in the mirror. “Shrimpy’ll think so. And Mama. Pops, too.”
“So everyone,” he replies smartly, his hands shaking as he smooths the nonexistent wrinkles in his suit. They reach for the jewelry strung around his neck. He’s wearing his mother’s pearls. Tradition and memory are twined throughout each one. For every hand that holds this chain, a new pearl will be added. It has been in his family for ages. After today, he’ll add his and the necklace will be a pearl longer.
He feels like he needs to pace up and down a mountain. Like he needs to strip this seaweed-esque suit off and jump into the ocean to feel free of constriction. Clothes are always so…unique. That’s the word he chooses to use. Another symptom, he’s certain, because clothes are to humans as colors are to merfolk. Humans attract each other with fashion styles just as mers flash colors and patterns at those they intend to charm.
“Everyone,” Floyd echoes, grinning to ease the tension. “C’mon. You know everything’s gonna be fine.”
Logically, Jade is aware of that. There were rehearsals and lists and triple-checks. Everything is in order. He’s ready. You’re ready. Illogically, he thinks he’s about to shake out of his skin from either excitement or anxiety or a combination of both.
Floyd’s hand comes down upon his shoulder. He relaxes beneath the squeeze. “You got this.”
“I do,” he whispers, turning away from the mirror with a smile.
He waits for you at the altar. A feeling he knows well enough claws at the back of his eyes. It’s been steadily encroaching since this morning, or perhaps it’s always been there ever since he first met you.
When he sees you, his world comes together and everything is warm and wonderful. There are tears on his face, tracking down his cheeks in hot streaks. It’s not embarrassing even though, somewhat flustered, he mouths to his parents that he’s simply sweating from the eyes. A symptom they’ll soon experience in their temporary human bodies.
Out of every human symptom he’s experienced, he thinks this one is his favorite.
You meet him at the front, and beneath an awning of the prettiest flowers you join hands.
“How do you feel?” you murmur, your thumbs running over his palms.
He’s going to say he feels like his world is brighter and wrapped in silk—like he’s looking love right in the face.
Through his tears, he smiles and says, “Like my eyes are working properly today.”
You giggle around a rising sob. Happy tears, he notes, much like the ones sticking to his face. “Weird. Because mine don’t seem to be working today.”
“A shame. You can’t see how beautiful you are.”
“I trust you.”
“I can’t promise mine won’t sweat halfway through the ceremony, but I appreciate your faith in me.”
“It’s fine. Mine are already doing that.”
And it’s everything to him—you, this union, the tears, these messy, complex symptoms of being human. Everything.
Jade thinks he’d like to rewrite that old quote from his childhood.
But a mermaid has no tears and so that may be true in storybook blue, but it is her heart that weeps for everything she has experienced, is experiencing, and will experience; the good and the bad, the happy and the sad.
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In Sickness
hyunjin x gn!reader x changbin
warnings: none!
genre: sick fic, fluff
word count: 956
author's note: i'm sick as hell with the flu so this is pretty self-indulgent. i hope it's coherent because my brain is just as foggy, but i really wanted to write something while i can't work on other things that require a bit more brain power🥹 hope you enjoy, feel free to let me know what you think! 💗
masterlist
divider by @firefly-graphics
Being sick was the worst.
Your nose was clogged up, your throat felt weird, raw and scratchy, your voice came out weird every time you tried to talk and your head was pounding from all the sniffing, your brain a foggy mess, making it difficult to focus on the most mundane tasks.
Seeing as you couldn’t even finish one of the tasks you had set out to do for the day, you grew frustrated and groaned loudly, attracting one of your boyfriends who trudged through the apartment to your room to see what was wrong.
“What’s got you so worked up, baby?” – came Changbin’s voice from your doorframe as he leaned against it, a concerned frown gracing his face.
“I can’t even finish this thing that I wanted to finish writing. This sucks” – you pouted and made grabby hands at him.
Changbin sighed and took a few steps towards you before enveloping you into a tight hug, his big and strong arms feeling like a safe haven around you. Luckily, both of your boyfriends had already given in to physical contact with you, reasoning that if they were going to get sick, it was probably already too late anyways, so might as well not deprive you of cuddles in these trying times.
“How about you stop for today, I’ll make you a tea and tell Hyunjin to bring some snacks on his way home and we’ll just relax tonight and binge a series? Hm?”
You noticeably perked up at the suggestion, making Changbin slightly chuckle above you as he rubbed your back soothingly.
“Can I choose?”
“Hey, I’m in the minority anyways, you and Hyunjin always immediately agree when it comes to choosing what to watch” – he shrugged and scooped you out of your chair and up into his arms, easily carrying you to the living room where he placed you softly into the corner of your couch. He tucked you in before leaving to the kitchen, phone in hand to order Hyunjin around.
As he disappeared into the other room of your apartment, you sighed and sank further into the blankets and cushions surrounding you. You felt truly blessed to have not only one but two very attentive and sweet boyfriends. It quite honestly made you a little emotional, your already exhausted body wanting to tear up at the thought of two people you loved taking such sweet care of you.
You rubbed at your eyes before the tears threatening to spill over were able to escape down your cheeks and instead focused on browsing through the available shows for later.
Changbin came back in with two steaming mugs that he set on the coffee table in front of you, retreating quickly to get a third one that finds its home beside the other two. You giggled at his choice of mugs, each one being a specialised one that was specifically made with one of you in mind.
Changbin’s had a big Dwaekki on it doing deadlifts, surrounded by many, many hearts drawn by you and Hyunjin respectively.
Hyunjin’s had Jiniret drawing a beautiful bouquet of flowers, also surrounded by many hearts from you and Changbin
And yours had a cat on it, similar to Jiniret and Dwaekki, holding up a pen and paper and looking real smug about it. Of course, you also had your fair share of hearts drawn by both of your boyfriends surrounding the kitty.
The sight made you smile, seeing the mugs together like this. This time, however, you couldn’t catch your tears before they fell, alarming Changbin who was immediately at your sight.
“What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”
His hands hovered over your bundled up form, not wanting to accidentally cause any further pain. You felt kind of embarassed for bursting out into tears like this randomly, hastily shaking your head.
“No… Just overwhelmingly happy and touched, I guess?”
The visible confusion crossing over Changbin’s face wasn’t lost on you and you chuckled at the sight.
“I’m sick and you’re dropping everything to take care of me… Makes me feel so many things.”
At that, his gaze softened and he allowed himself to sit down next to you, caressing your thigh.
“Of course we would, you’ve done it countless times for us as well, angel.”
A short while later Hyunjin arrived at home with several bags hanging off his body.
“I didn’t know what you wanted, so I just got a bunch of stuff!”
“That’s way too much.”
“You know I snack, they won’t go bad under my watch” – he grinned and plopped down on your other side, so he had one entire half of you for himself.
Not too long into the first episode of the drama you chose, Hyunjin clung to you like a koala as you leaned against Changbin’s shoulder, pressing his plush lips into your shoulder every now and then to reaffirm his presence beside you.
For the third time that day, you were close to crying. The warmth that spread throughout your body from being squished between your two boyfriends, one offering his strong and steady shoulder for you to rest your head on while the other acted like your personal weighted and heated blanket, made you want to cry.
Truly, what did you do to deserve the two of them?
Sniffing, you nuzzled further into Changbin’s shoulder and moved your body around, so Hyunjin could lie directly on top of you. You put your arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer into your embrace, breathing his calming scent in as you grew tired.
If this is what being sick looked like with Changbin and Hyunjin by your side, you think you could survive the foggy brain for a few more days.
#hyunjin x reader#hwang hyunjin x reader#changbin x reader#seo changbin x reader#stray kids x reader#skz x reader#hyunibini x reader#hyunjin imagines#hyunjin fluff#changbin imagines#changbin fluff#stray kids fluff#skz fluff#skz imagines#hyunjin x you#changbin x you#hwang hyunjin x you#seo changbin x you#hyunjin x y/n#changbin x y/n
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https://www.tumblr.com/rhiannonsknife/766686034414174208/thinking-about-sleepy-cuddles-w-jackie-shes-so
same anon here :3 u are so right about falling asleep so quickly in her arms, i feel like she gives the most comforting hugs and cuddles ever and she’s so warm too. like a human heater
i strongly believe that her go to show of affection is hugs. doesn’t matter what the situation is. whether you’re sad, sick, angry, scared, happy, anything, you best believe it always ends up with jackie opening her arms and offering you a hug.
i could make it angsty about how she doesn’t ever really feel loved herself so she’s always giving hugs to try and make up for that but anyway ☺️☺️ i would die happy in jackie taylor’s arms mhm mhm
i’m so sorry but i giggled when you said “she’s so warm like a human heater”…..because like….actually no, never mind, let’s not go there!! 🤗
anyway, anon, you are so right!! especially with that angsty take, i 100% agree! jackie never really felt loved the way she always wanted (and deserved) to, so from the moment she met you, she’s made it her mission to give all the love she never received!! i just know she has so much love in her heart that she a) has never been given and b) could never give before
okay no pause this just gave me an idea: 5 love languages of jackie taylor, anyone??
physical touch
okay starting with physical touch, of course!! as established: jackie is 100% more touchy-feely than she might admit, especially when she’s feeling vulnerable or sleepy. jackie is definitely affectionate, always finding small ways to reach out and remind you she’s there. she’ll hold your hand, link her arm with yours, or give you spontaneous hugs, warm and sincere. she loves being close, resting her head on your shoulder during movie nights, or tucking her arm around you in crowded hallways. to her, physical touch is a way of grounding herself in the comfort of being with someone she adores, and she’s never shy about showing it with /to you. it’s her way of making sure you always feel secure and loved!! and also a way to ground herself, though she has a harder time admitting to that!
words of affirmation
jackie is your biggest supporter!! if that girl wasn’t already the captain of the soccer team, she’d be your own personal cheerleader! she makes it a point to remind you often how much she believes in you, with little affirmations she sneaks into conversations. “you know you’re amazing, right?” she’ll say, catching your eye with a sincerity that leaves no room for doubt. she makes sure you never forget how special you are to her, giving compliments freely and reminding you of your worth, always wanting you to feel as cherished as she wishes she could feel at home :(
acts of service
jackie is attentive to the smallest details of your day-to-day life and finds ways to make things easier for you to a point where you don’t even have to verbalize them: if she knows you have a big test or a stressful week, she’ll show up with your favorite coffee/snacks or leave a hand-written note in your locker wishing you luck. when you’re busy or overwhelmed, she jumps in to help, always quietly and without making a big deal out of it. she has a nurturing side she rarely shows to anyone else, and through these gestures, she lets you know that you can always lean on her!!
giving/receiving gifts
jackie puts a lot of thought into the things she gives you, always with the intent of making you feel special!! she might make a small scrapbook of memories together or surprise you with a book you once mentioned liking, just because. she has a way of finding gifts that are all meaningful and personal, every single one of them evidence of how much she pays attention to you. they’re all an additional way of her saying i see you, and i want you to feel loved. aside from small, causal things she gets you occasionally, she also has a thing for preparing bigger surprises for you, whether it’s for a birthday, an anniversary, or just because she felt like it. because she can afford it, jackie will surprise you with things like expensive dinners for just the two of you or a necklace that matches hers that has you wondering just how much money she spent on it! she’ll insist on it, though, pouting whenever you even mention that you “can’t possibly accept that”.
quality time
okay last but not least: quality time!! for jackie, spending time with you is the highlight of her day. she’ll come up with endless reasons to be around you: whether it’s studying together, taking a walk, or planning an elaborate day out, just to have uninterrupted time with you. she craves these moments, where she can drop her polished, “perfect” exterior and just be herself, laughing and talking about everything and nothing. you’re her safe space, and she loves making time for you, savoring every second!! <3
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more than friends — ryu sarang x f!reader
you’ve grown sick from receiving love notes and having other students continuously asking you out. so you truly needed sarang to help you with these issues. but as time passed, you two began to develop feelings for one another .
tags 💭 — fluff, non-idol au, high school au, best friends to lovers, fake dating, mens dni, grammatical errors !
"sarang please!"
you desperately pleaded sarang while tugging at her arms. apparently, you can’t take it anymore from all the confessions from the other students every second of the day. that’s why you really REALLY need sarang to help you.
"help you with what exactly?" sarang sighs which make you grin widely. you quickly let go of her arms and shake her instead.
"thank you so much! i’ll treat you dinner later" you fake sobbed and hugs sarang. sarang was taken aback by the sudden affection but still gently caressed your back.
"yeah… now tell me already, what am i supposed to do?" sarang asked, you reluctantly pulled away from sarang’s embrace and look at her with a sheepish smile. sarang smiles softly and raises an eyebrow at your grin. she chuckles softly before ruffling your hair affectionately.
"can you pretend to be my girlfriend?" you said bluntly. it was silent for a moment before sarang finally realised what you just said.
"what?! are you serious?" sarang exclaimed, completely taken aback by your bluntness. but soon she immediately calmed down and sighs softly.
she’s not really complaining because you were looking so desperate for this plus, sarang thinks this is good chance to somehow get way closer to you (even though you two are already close). to be honest, now that sarang think about it she quite like the idea of being your fake girlfriend. she can get to know you more and she can definitely hold your hands more often.
"okay fine, so how are we starting this plan of yours—" you immediately shut sarang and link arms with her. basically dragging sarang to the whole school. much to your surprise, some students were already giving you and sarang some space. and also the confused look on their faces make you giggle.
sarang on the other hand is trying her best to keep her expression in check, even though deep down she can feel the butterflies going crazy in her stomach.
throughout this whole ‘fake dating’ session, you and sarang tried your best to actually looks like y’all are dating. and guess what, of course it works! not to mention but, sarang has somewhat changed (?) you’re not sure if you’re tripping or what but you swear on izna upcoming album that she seems like really really into this role.
days, weeks and even months passed by as you two continue this act. you and sarang will always stuck together no matter where you go. like sarang will literally hold your hand everywhere and!!! those little kisses on your head? you couldn’t help but to blush every time sarang did that. she somehow managed to act like she doesn’t care/mind it which, always surprised you.
"are you two still continuing this act?" jeemin asks, snapping you out of your thoughts. sarang smiles and shrugged playfully.
"yeah, some of the students seems like they still won't leave y/n alone. also, it's not that bad actually being y/n's fake girlfriend" sarang chuckles while gently stroking your head that is on her shoulder.
jungeun snickered at the sight she's seeing. no matter how she looks at it, you two really seems like a real couple with all these physical touches. "just date already then."
you chocked on your own saliva as jungeun blurted that out. being in a relationship with sarang doesn't sound so bad... wait what are you thinking.
"we're just friends, nothing more" you mumbled. thankfully you didn't catch the sad and taken aback expression on sarang's face when you said that. it's clear that sarang wouldn't mind this friendship to develop into something more. but if that was your decision, she can't force you.
sarang stayed quiet as you continue talking with jeemin and jungeun. she can't help but to overthink about what you've said earlier. she'd be lying is she said it doesn't hurt her feelings but she try to be the best friend who will still respect your decision no matter what.
as the times passed by, sarang couldn't ignore this feeling that keeps blooming everyday in her chest. she can't keep bottling her feelings any longer. she likes you and that's final.
sarang decided to talk with jungeun. maybe she can help sarang with this feelings she's been having about you.
"jungeun, you don't understand! i love her but... i don't wanna ruin our friendship." sarang groans in frustration as she talk to jungeun about her feelings towards you.
jungeun sighs softly as she watch sarang suffering. jungeun doesn't know what to do either. because earlier, you also talked to jungeun about how you feel towards sarang. now all jungeun thinking about is how to get you two together. she let out a big sigh before holding sarang's shoulder, making her focused.
"just confess."
"easy for you to say! i don't even know how she feels about me and i, i can't afford to lose this precious friendship with her." sarang sighs and pouted as jungeun let go of her shoulders.
"sarang, trust me on this one. she probably feels the same way but is just too scared to confess, just like you." jungeun assured. sarang sighs and listen to jungeun. she feels less stressed now that jungeun had reassured her. sarang nodded and decided to trust jungeun on this one.
it was one random day. you're on your way to go to the toilet when suddenly you bumped into one of your senior. the scary looking one to. you immediately apologize and tried to walk away but a strong grip on your wrist prevent you from doing so.
"apologize properly." he demanded while towering over you. his grip on your wrist is tight but not tight enough to bruise it (hopefully). you flinched slightly at the height difference, he's way taller and definitely bigger than you. also his gaze is frightening.
"i-i'm sorry, please let me go" you stammered nervously trying to break free from his grasp. he scoffed and tightened his grip on your wrist, looking at you with a lustful eyes.
"well, there’s another way to apologise if you’re interested-" his words were cut off when someone (sarang) pulled you away with her. sarang is also scared to fight back so the best option is to run away, with you.
after a few minutes of running, the scary looking senior is finally no longer in sight. you leans against a wall and catch your breath. sarang stands in front of you, enjoying the sight she’s seeing right now. not in a perverted way. without realising it, sarang leans in resting her forehead against yours.
"are you okay? did he hurt you?" sarang whispered softly while gently caressing your cheeks. you shakes your head and leans into sarang’s touch. her touch is heavenly. sarang smiles softly before kissing your forehead affectionately. simple moment like this is what makes you fall with her more and more.
it was a quiet night, and you and sarang were sitting together on a park bench. the stars were shining brightly overhead, casting a soft glow on everything around you. it had been silent for a while, just enjoying each other's company. suddenly, sarang spoke up, her voice soft and hesitant.
"can I tell you something?"
you looked over at her, curious. "of course," you replied, leaning closer to hear her better.
she took a deep breath, her eyes fixed on the night sky. "i have something to confess," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "i…i have feelings for you. real feelings."
you was stunned and speechless for a moment, not sure what to say. you had harbored feelings for her too, but hadn't dared to say anything because you wasn't sure if she felt the same.
"you… do?" you stumbled out, still trying to process this newfound revelation. without knowing, a small blush already there on your cheeks. sarang turned to look at me, her eyes filled with emotion.
"yes," she said, her voice firmer now. "i do. i’ve had these feelings for a while now, but I was afraid to say anything because i wasn't sure how you felt, and i didn't know if it would ruin our friendship."
you took hold of her hand, squeezing it gently. "it won't ruin our friendship," you assured her. "i actually have feelings for you too."
her lips curved into a wide, relieved smile. "really?" she asked, her voice hopeful. you nodded, feeling a weight lifted off my shoulders.
"yes," you confirmed. "i've been feeling this way for a while now, but i was too scared to say anything, for similar reasons as yours."
you two sat there in silent for a few moments, holding each other’s hands and simply enjoying the moment. then, sarang spoke up again, her voice now filled with affection and love.
"let’s take this fake dating into something else yeah?"
#sarang#ryu sarang#sarang izna#izna#iland2#izna x reader#izna x fem reader#ryusarang x femreader#kpop#jeeseth#dew’s 🍈
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Supernatural S9E10 Road Trip
#gadreel!sam#sam winchester#anti possession tattoo#this episode terrified me more than any other episode btw#I feel physically sick every time I think about it#spn 9x10#s9#gifs
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‘it’s just a game’ and then it’s the last of us II
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click for better quality!
whaddaya think makes tracks like that? / needletail and violetpaw
#my art#do not copy trace or steal#needletail#violetshine#warriors#warrior cats#wc#waca#wc art#squints i think i have all of the tags#THIS TOOK feels like WAY SHORTER THAN THE OTHER ONES#but probably bc theres like. way less grass in this one and more snow and thats way easier to do#THE WAY I DID LIGHTING U CANT RLLY TELL I MADE VIOLET A CALICO </3 hell on earth#IM RLLY SATISFIED WITH HOW NICE THIS CAME OUT + HOW FAST I WAS ABLE TO DO IT#it was on/off all day bc i have felt just physically weird . not bad but not good but not sick#anyway wish me luck on my exam and my paper ^_^ more worried about my exam than anything#its mostly monomers im worried about x_x i can tell u the most out there biology fact but i cannot tell u shit abt carbohydrates#anyway i am going to bed goodnight yall <3 its only like 12:30 rn WHICH ISNT BAD TBH#would u guys believe me if i said i was a little nervous posting because i feel like i forget something every time#i always get the nerves before i post and then i post and its fine AHBDLFHGBD#OKOK goodnight for realsies#tag edit carbohydrates arent monomers theyre fucking polymers THIS ONLY ILLUSTRATES MY POINT FURTHER
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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how are we feeling tonight
#I wanna throw up every time I think too long about this scene#it makes me physically sick#I feel my troath like. knotted . not to mention my heart rate#richard ii#i really think this is the least normal I've ever been about something#something at all#it's fucking insane#it drives me crazy
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the amount of effort that goes into figuring out what to cook and eat every day is RIDICULOUS. i used to think people were so weird and boring for eating the same thing every single day but it truly does make life so much easier
#and also it's nice to know exactly what your food is going to taste like before you eat it#like when i get unfamiliar takeout. half the time i'm like. oh.#i'm going to have to eat all of this. or be judged.#so i just do my best to suppress my gag reflex and Get Through It and then it makes me sick so what was even the point#i think my parents spoiled me. and the most annoying thing is they're significantly better at cooking now than when i was a child#so when i go over i eat three delicious home cooked meals + snacks and they're all different and amazingggg#and then i come back to texas and i am like. googling 'how to feed myself healthy vegetarian'#because I do NOT have the time or money or energy to cook three beautiful delicious meals Just For Me#i think this would be easier with a partner#this whole week i bought a fuckton of mediterranean groceries and i have been making and eating food!!#mediterranean is close enough to indian that i like it well enough#unfortunately for me. i am def going to have to learn how to cook indian food to get through life. because i cannot fucking eat american#i don't know HOW you guys do it i'm so spoiled#i'm assuming meat is this really amazing wonderful thing that just adds flavor to everything#(it is physically repulsive to me and the couple times ive accidentally tasted it it's bleh so i refuse to partake)#i think it's an acquired taste but it magically makes ur food better. that is my understanding of how meat works#cause american vegetarian food is the saddest fucking thing i've ever tasted#i still think about my coworker i was talking to about my food issues and he was like. 'do u understand that you have been given a gift#by having constant access to tasty food your entire life. i ate unseasoned green beans every day of my childhood. learn how to fucking cook#indian food already.' truly a horrific thing to hear. but i'm calling my parents more and going HOW TO COOK VEGETABLE? BEAN? PLEASE HELP??#and by god i am not going to turn into my coworker.#anyways we start with baby steps. lentils and rice it is next week .-. going to the indian store to buy pickles to make it more tolerable#and i have my cabinet full of spices already at least#i wish i was less pickyyy#sometimes lalita cooks indian food for me and i'm like wow. i love and appreciate u for feeding me. but this sure is south indian food#i don't understand How they use spices. it feels like they toss as much of as many bottles as they can into every dish#and it's. the taste is just OW OW OW and nothing else. where's the nuance. the flavor.#and i like it when things are spicy!! i can even eat things where the flavor is just Hot. but not when she cooks it.#she will like watch my face when i take a bite and then go 'if you don't like it i'm throwing away all my pots and running away'#which. honestly a fair reaction. the problem is that i am incapable of lying
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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?
#txt#audhd tag#just venting a little#its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This#like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning#but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no#one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like#Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved#cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating#okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick#want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post
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thinking about the 2008 Universal Studios backlot fire again
#it makes my feel physically sick every time I think about it#the amount of masters that were lost makes me want to puke#like there is literally stuff the world will never hear because of an entirely preventable tragedy#by early country and Black artists#am I crying about this again? maybe#like. these unknown artists weren’t really dead. not really. until this killed them.
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In this really weird place of brain rot where I get that ache in my tummy of the hyperfixation ramping up and I'm full of anxious energy and can't sleep and I just know the dopamine is coming and then
It doesn't
Because I'm too burnt out to create anything and any content is consumed so fast it barely touches the sides
#Thinking about Ruth and feeling physically sick#When will the torture end#Every time I think it's fading...#Literally hate it here#And by here I mean inside my brain
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*
#i currently cannot read or watch anything romantic without physically aching#it's actually awful#i'm kind of sick of it tbh#like.... i know i'm not ready for a relationship right now and i do want to be single to pursue my goals#but also i have to stay away from any sort of media containing romance#and most importantly the very soft kind that has gentle caresses and forehead kisses and warm embraces#it makes me want to vomit#and i feel like if i don't get it soon then i'll perish. absolutely waste away.#oh the horrifying ordeal of craving love and affection#the absolute ache to be held gently.... to be cradled in someone's arms#it's all too much... i have to leave.#also every time i consume something romantic it just makes me think about [redacted]#because yes certain people are still very much on my mind and it's absolutely wretched#anyway. my apologies to anyone who read all these tags.#but also thank you for being here
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actually, no. you know what? i am so sick of this “marinette is just a friend” bs. okay. cool. adrien said she was just a friend a few times. whatever. it’s not that big of a deal and everyone in the mlb fandom like. hyperfixates on that??? idc if it’s a “just a joke” because it’s utterly ridiculous at this point. i have literally seen people go on heated rants about how stupid or clueless adrien was during the umbrella scene because he called mari just a friend. are you kidding me??? y’all are really going to take away that moment for him? he just made like his first ever friend in nino and when he called her a friend, he looked so excited because this boy has only ever had one friend before. of course he’s going to call mari just a friend because he just met her and the only time she’s actually spoken to him outside of the suit at this point is to yell at him like... y’all...
and this is not me hating on mari because i love her so so so much. i just hate how passionate and heated fans get about this. i mean... y’all... adrien didn’t even think mari liked him??? like, in puppeteer two, he is literally upset because he came to the conclusion that mari hates him. also, of course he’s not like in love with or crushing on her when she’s barely spoken actual sentences to him! again, not me hating on mari and her nerves because like i get it, it’s hard. and also this is like adrien’s first time interacting with people as peers, so 1. of course romance is not his main priority 2. he doesn’t understand social cues or situations very well At All which is made abundantly clear in the show 3. i don’t... i don’t think adrien knows what affection is??? i mean, he’s definitely learned some over the course of the show, but he’s used to a neglectful / abusive father, his stoic assistant, his bodyguard who doesn’t really talk like at all, chloé being chloé, and hoards of fans declaring that they’re in love with him, hanging all over him, acting like he’s a shiny thing rather than a person, etc... so like. how is adrien supposed to actually comprehend that mari likes him???
and okay no my last point: so so so sick of the double standard. i have seen countless people rant and rave and scream and shout about how stupid adrien is for not returning mari’s feelings or knowing he has a crush on her and then these same people will turn around and berate chat noir and say things like “gosh ladybug isn’t obligated to return his feelings:/” like... hELLO??? why is ladybug not obligated while adrien is??? it’s ridiculous and disgusting and i’m so so so tired of “just a friend” jokes on tumblr, in art, in fics, in youtube compilations... like... can’t we be normal about this? and i don’t mean normal as in “casually enjoy” i mean normal as in can we stop being so aggressive and harsh and hostile towards literal fourteen year olds my God they’re children they’re allowed to make mistakes and mess up and my God the way y’all talk about lila is disgusting, too like i hate her but i don’t want her tortured and killed??? and the way people characterize the classmates as physically and verbally assaulting mari because of lila??? like... my God they would never??? they would all honestly side with mari chameleon is a bad episode and is poorly written and everyone is out of character please use your critical thinking skills and understand that chat noir is not harassing ladybug anymore than mari may be harassing adrien (aka they are not harassing each other at all my God) and stop insulting and demonizing fourteen year olds so your otp can get together thanks
#i have. feelings.#sorry y'all#this may be harsh but i am so beyond sick of it#i've been going through the classmates tag on ao3 and filtered out all the s.alt fics for all the characters and the majority of the fics#i'm seeing are aggressive lila takedown fics or like unproperly tagged s.alt fics#where the classmates are still rude and aggressive and bully mari when even lila doesn't really bully mari that badly??? like yes it is#awful that she tried to get her expelled and lied a bit about her but lila has never been physical nor tried to kill mari and nor would any#of the classmates actually turn against her like. they may disagree with her or think she may be acting on her crush and yes lila did#threaten mari in the bathroom but like... what has she done since then? try to get her expelled and then... nothing. like. this is Not me#saying not to take bullying seriously but people take it to the extreme with lila and how she treats mari in fics and i am so so so sick of#it!!! i just want to read mlb classmate fics where they're all silly and being teenagers without mari being unreasonably and uncanonically#bullied and without the tags 'alya/adrien/classmate redemption' HELLO??? WHY DO THEY NEED TO BE REDEEMED??? THEY AREN'T VILLAINS??? THEY ARE#FOURTEEN??? as a rule of thumb i refuse to read fics with those tags like sorry but if you tag fics like that then you obviously don't know#the characters. i'm sorry if this sounds mean or harsh it's just exhausting trying to find fun or sweet or found family mlb fics because so#many of them are so negative and ooc and involve like extreme hatred towards fourteen year old fictional children... like... how do we not#see the problem with that??? like... am i overreacting??? please someone tell me they agree with me!!! i've been working on this really#stressful assignment that determines whether i graduate my future career and also costs three hundred dollars to take so i've been really#stressed and every time i try and take an mb fic break i end up more stressed because the fandom is so cruel to children ahhhhhhhh#okay i am. done. maybe i'll delete this later... i just need to see if someone agrees with me because i am. :))) on the verge of losing it#lol#mlb
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