#I feel like we were a lot closer then
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silly metallica song making me feel feelings I forgot about till now
#my mom used to sing it to me . when I was little#when we were super poor and lived in a condo and used to share costco hotdogs and mango arizona tea and going to mcdonalds was like#the equivalent of going to michelin star restaurants now#I miss when it was just me and my mom tbh . when we lived with my grandma and I'd go to school with her#I feel like we were a lot closer then#not that we aren't now its just so . different. I'm not a girl anymore and I'm not little and i know too much#anyway. I want a Costco hotdog and arizona tea now
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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i’ll find you again in every universe. let us be a little more honest, let us have a little more time.
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#despite it all though badlands rumble is like. the only universe where we get wolfwood thinking vash died first... and i think that means a#lot to their relationship and how it may bloom if there was more to badlands rumble considering vash literally saw wolfwood carrying a piece#of vash after his supposed death. u know! despite the short time they were together vash still meant so much to wolfwood that he couldn't#just move on or forget him in anyway. needed to keep a piece of him for himself and the rest of his days. but ofc vash lives and wolfwood#was like ill beat ur fucking ass into tomorrow. there's just so much honesty in vash being able to see that gesture bc he wouldnt know#otherwise just how much he might mean to him. ANYWAY. trimax with with the eternal pining featuring the two chapters where imo#where the both of them really fell for each other... i wrote my thoughts about this on another comic i did before#but vash solidifying his feelings during the hospital arc -- ww solidifies his when he realizes his allegiances are permanently with vash#98 my lovelies but also to me they are so one-sided bc ww pined like no tomorrow and vash only realizes after ep 23?24? his heart did tickle#whenever ww complimented his smile though#and tristamp vw my beloveds. it really just feels like they get the chance to be closer and closer and more honest with each other#with every version that comes about. in trimax they knew how little time they had but struggled so desperately to get closer. in 98 ww felt#more willing to forsake for vash. in badlands rumble theyre Angry but as mentioned earlier ^ more blatant truth... due to circumstances#mainly but has the chance to lead to discussions and tristamp literally. first day of knowing each other ww saves vash - 2 days later vash#saves ww like. Man. AND NOW THEY MAY POTENTIALLY GET EVEN CLOSER!!!! with s2....#ruporas art
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i am a mother (of my cats)
#BROOOO THE BABY HE HASN'T EVEN OPENED HIS EYES i am brimming with joy we were on call for like last 4 hours ahhhh maybe it's my periods but#i feel so emo. smaller than a palm of hand god#anyways today was lot i love how we have each other i love having friends as close if not closer than family she stays 90 percent of the#time with us we go to her at every slightest inconvenience or just the most random shit lol i love love
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MADE EDITS i couldn't stop thinking about their outfits and like,, the aspects i liked and thought felt very winx and in line with the individual characters and the aspects i Hated and thought sucked dookie SO i made some edits :)
biggest changes are to musa, aisha, and stella! actually changed the clothes there. flora and tecna i just adjusted the colors (in flora's case to further unwhitewash her and saturate her clothing more and in tecna's case to bring back her pink hair and green and cyan).
explanations on changes below!
I'll start with the simpler edits!
For Tecna, I just wanted to play around with her og colors lol I actually LOVE her new look and I would love to see this be the final design!! It's SO tecna and fits in with the rest of the winx i love it soo much :') I do think they should bring back her pinker hair though! And again, would love to see the green and cyan make an appearance. I feel like neon green is just very classy techy character. And while it is cliche, I do love it akjgd plus I think it looks good on her and makes the other colors stand out more imo! (but maybe this new, pinker look will make people like her more idk :') justice for tecna my beloved :'))
For Flora, I darkened her skin more for obvious reasons. And then I added more saturation to the colors and added back the warmer tones they took out. Imo, the darker, desaturated, and cooler toned look for Flora only works in very specific circumstances. Color theory rainbow!! Bring back the brightness! The color!! The warmth!!
Which brings me to Stella ohmygod,,, please,,,, please stop desaturating her she looks so pale and sick and lifeless STOP please :') Anyway lol, obviously brought back the brighter orange! I also took away the random sleeve. It's cute but it just didn't feel very Stella at the time? The tube top look is Very Classic Stella (very much giving s3 casual but in orange). Tbh, I don't love the dress itself, but I do think it looks better once you add more of Stella's colors. I also tanned her skin more and made her hair more yellow + brighter! Just like with Flora, color theory is important for media!! This Stella design just does Not give sunny, optimistic character. It's giving the gap (aka BORING aljdhg)
Aisha's design stumped me for a bit, I won't lie. I couldn't figure out exactly what I didn't like. But I got it!! One, way too symmetrical imo. Yes, Aisha does have some very symmetrical looks, but like 80% of her looks are very asymmetrical. I also didn't love that it didn't incorporate more of Aisha's powers. It really just went for *vaguely sporty* and didn't try to bring anything else to the table. And some people might say that Aisha's og looks were like that too, but I disagree! They told a story! She's a brave adventurer, a dancer, a princess, etcetc!! This tells me "oh yeah this girl might like to do yoga. cool."
Anyway! So I made Aisha's pants baggier because let's be fucking real for a sec. Changed the design on the pants slightly to make it asymmetrical and incorporated a wave design. Took away that bottom shiny fabric of her shirt. I tried to keep it but it just wasn't looking great with the pants changes tbh. Added small waves to the bottom and made it one shoulder! Also added her classic little circle wave design 1. because it's cute and 2. so Musa wouldn't feel so out of place with a design. Tbh, I still don't love the pants... I think maybe that hem could be higher?
For Musa! I've spoken about this before but I do not like the bodysuit. I liked the concept and the vibe it brings, but it looks So uncomfortable and s1 Musa was alllll about being comfortable. It's why so many people think she hates wearing dresses (even though she doesn't). So I kept the vibe, but changed it to the same mesh that's on her right arm! Which like!! I didn't even see that until I started the edit!! It's so,,, unnoticeable which like,, isn't a bad thing? But also? I think the mesh being on her stomach too makes the design as a whole a little more balanced (and it's a nice callback to her og magic winx!). As for the color changes, really just wanted to go back to her reds and dark blues. I don't Hate the color scheme, but I also don't love it. And I think this feels a lot more like Musa yknow? Also darkened her hair cause fuck that dude
Anyway lol it's not the best edit so don't look too hard :') I just wanted to explore what I liked about the designs and what I didn't. We did get to see a little bit of Bloom's casual, but I want to wait until we get a closer look to speak on it/make edits. Also tbh, I don't really love Flora's outfit but I didn't want to completely redesign her and I concede that this is something she would wear (although it feels more like s4 cowgirl time/s5 casual and not s1 new student time but Fine). For now, I'm gonna pretend the trailer showed us my edit of Stella and not what it really showed. I can't get pale pinterest stella out of my head,,, aggghhhh
#tbh i don't love stella being monochrome that much but trust me the pink wasn't working#as a whole though the goal was to make it feel more like Them and make them feel more individual!!#as others have mentioned.. the constant baby pink is Sooo annoying and it makes them blend together way too much#its not a cohesive vibe its just 'here lets all wear pink for no fucking reason'#but anyway while i don't Love stella being all orange i feel like it doesnt stand out tooo badly thanks to tecna#also again i still really hate aisha's pants :') idk they look SO off to me#the wave was a big brain moment but i fear not even that could save her#i think im gonna do another edit for her later!#anyway. thoughts? comments? concerns?#tbh i am loving seeing all the positivity toward the new outfits#like yes ive seen my fair share of hate but i feel like fans are genuinely looking forward to this#and keeping an open mind even with the things they don't love!#i love that :') we haven't had that in the winx fandom since like.. world of winx maybe... and even that had a lot of hate#because of the whitewashing especially which valid but even smaller things that were just Different#so its really nice to see people so genuinely excited and looking forward to it!! its probably helping the morale at rainbow lol#winx club#mine.edits#mine.art#winx club spoilers#kind of i still dont know if these are Final designs but im going to treat them as such since we're getting closer to the release
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I’ve started watching Utena because of you. What. Is going on
HI. WELCOME TO THE CLUB, watch the trigger warnings. but yeah, revolutionary girl utena veers more and more towards surrealism the further you get into the series. it often and voluntarily forfeits narrative/logical consistency in favor of visual storytelling, metaphors and symbolism. i was just talking about it with nic the other day, and if the story weren't so harrowing, i would recommend it to everyone who wants to get into literary analysis, because it is SO packed with symbolism EVERYWHERE that it actually encourages you to try to decode it.
whatever you think utena is about, it is NOT. you can't go in and treat it like your 49293th classical shoujo. utena is a firework show of visual symbolism and it very rarely, if ever, explains itself to the viewer. it refuses to handhold you, but it never berates you for trying and getting it wrong either. there is SO much handholding in modern day media, but utena trusts its viewer to take away something meaningful from itself and to piece its message together on their own. it's one of my favourite pieces of media of all time just for that
#it's almost closer to a poem and to poetry than to a story in the sense that we think think about today#you see why ye standard transformative fandom was never able to take hold with utena?#my suggestion is try to actively analyze what's going on and the symbols presented to you as you go along#find recurring motifs. utena deals a LOT with cycles and repetition (they were playing into their budget limitations and did it brilliantly#what objects keep returning. what characters are they associated with. how do they relate to the irl systems of power the story criticizes#what does the white rose mean#^ had a lot of fun trying to figure that one out. i landed on something other people in the fandom also got but then nic told me his take#and yeah they basically pried my third eye open with a crowbar.#this anime made me want to try out symbolism and allegories in my own works#it's so fucking good#but hey if you finish it and still feel like you didn't get 90% of that you can go to nic metanarrates' blog and check out his rgu tag#basically 50% of the fandom posts are visual and narrative analysis. the other 10% is breathtaking art. the remaining 40% is memes#BUT! wait until you're finished..watch for spoilers#rgu#answered asks
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anime adachi and kurosawa are making out in a storage room at the office!!!! im highkey losing my mind!!!!!!
#THEY FULLY MADE OUT#i had no clue what level of intimacy we were gonna get in the anime version#but this was like a full proper make out#like it was long!!!! and they drew attention to everything all the ways they touched and pulled each other closer and adachi was like fully#reciprocating and the line building up to it omg kurosawa saying so the more i touch you the more you’ll know how i feel#yes I haven’t watched the thai version yet I need time to binge but like…. this is a really good adaptation#it feels authentic to the source material and yet they make it feel different to the live action in such good ways#you can see how these characters have the same basis but have been built differently it’s awesome#and also I have a feeling that this will be my favourite tsuge. his character just works a lot better in a anime format than live action#anyway if you haven’t watched the anime adaptation at least watch this it’s the second half of ep 8#also only ep 8??? we still have a quarter of the show yet and they’ve made out already so idk what we have in store now#cherry magic anime
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happy tuesday friendz & gooood morning ! i was up all night plucking little stars from the night sky to place on everyone’s head for good luck today ✩ — ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ! i hope today is magical is for you all <3
#that is my fancy way of saying i love u & i didn’t sleep LMAO#okay well i did but i woke up in the middle of the night bc my dreams like to taunt me sometimes#but we move !!#the kitties were all snuggled up hehe#my little sweethearts#they’re rascals tho bc they play a little game of trying to see who can get the closest to me & cuddle (obi instigates)#they both like to sleep on my chest and have their face right in front of mine#but also don’t *love* to share . .#so it’s a constant back and forth of them trying to move closer to me#in other news :#wrote 1.5k yesterday and feeling proud :’)#me + nina 🤝 forcing each other to write#it’s the editing that always gets me tho LMAO#i just turn a wee bit obsessive#A WEE !#hehe#okay im procrastinating i need to go to work#aka the land of no / very limited service#wishing you all a wonderful day !!!#also fair warning : i have a lot of stuff queued today . sorry in advance !#the tags reflect my sleep deprived brain so if they are unhinged well…. yes#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims#🗣️ the daily yap .
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Red Tape tied in a bow (P1 | P2 | P3) (Patreon)
Also decided to give a go to the caption thing again since this one’s rather dialogue-heavy!
[Panel 2] Peepers: Uhm...sir? Hater: What. Peepers: Could you- do you have the full paperwork on our health plan?
[Panel 3] Hater: Health plan? Peepers what in grop’s name are you talking about??
[Panel 4] Peepers: It’s really no big thing, I just wanted to see what was (and wasn’t) covered-
[Panel 5] Hater: Commander Peepers. Are you planning to commit insurance fraud on my dime? And you’re asking me how?
[Panel 7] Peepers: P- hahahaha! I would never dream of it, Lord Hater!
[Panel 8] Hater: Then-? Peepers: I just want to see what’s covered, sir. Like I said already...
[Panel 9] Hater: Hrmph. It’s all personally approved by me, so feel free to ask, Commander.
#Doodles#Wander Over Yonder#Commander Peepers#Lord Hater#Oh I had an InOrdinate amount of fun with this lol#Bunch of quiet little inspiration pieces all clicked together into a full page in one sitting that was too fun to set down and go to bed lol#First of all doodling Peepers in a binder? Sparks joy completely#He's not satisfied tho - I considered angsting it up a little or having a discovery mini plot but I feel like those are so done :P#Rather just let him skirt the line and see how close he can get without tripping over it! :D#Hhhhh they're both so fun to drawwwww <3 <3 <3 Peepers with his expressive body language - his leg tucked behind the other in the second!#Also that BG >:3c Hater's room is cool haha#And then Hater himself ah ♪ His face is especially satisfying to work bit by bit until he looks like himself! :D#I was mostly striving for consistency in these so a lot of his expressions are quite similar to the preceding panels - hopefully noticeably!#The ones of him backlit and in profile tho were also very fun! ♪♫ Peepers' posing in the latter as well ahh :D#Even with that I still feel a bit restrained I wanna push him even further!! Cartoony!!! I get excited with every step closer hehe#Also thinking a lot around their early relationship ahh ♪ We never got to see their backstories ouq It's a shame#But we do see Hater and Wander's early dynamic and how Hater changes the more he's exposed to him lol so it's fun to extrapolate from there#A semi-serious paranoid evil electric skeleton man still getting used to having to depend on others <3 Until Peepers proves himself#I mean if he's already a Commander by this point he must've been doing something right but for Watchdogs that's a kind of low bar lol#It's fun to think he was motivated for his own selfish(?) reasons until he started seeing Hater as a proper comrade :)#But until then >:3c Trust very shallow all the way around! Awkwardness and uncertainty! Ah! <3
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Well, I actually have the most mundane of questions, but it’s been so long since I’ve been in an English class that I feel like I’ve completely forgotten (and I’m curious how you do it): how do you go about reading a book as a class? Do you assign them the chapters to read at home and most of them actually do it? Or do you give them class time to read? Do you have the kids who try to spoil the rest of the book for the class? Basically, how does one teach a book in the year 2024? 😀
And do you have your students annotate inside their books? (I know the English teachers in my school require the students to do that, and I get why, but I inwardly shudder every time I see a student marking up a page.)
Haha I love this question because I too am always asking myself how DOES one each a book in 2024?
It’s sort of a combination. I absolutely assign reading every night (almost) unless it’s Shakespeare or any play in which case we read it all in class. But for a novel there’s a couple chapters a night. I read aloud to them a lot too. Sometjmes I make them read aloud to the whole class, rotating kids who read. Sometimes I assign a chapter to be read in class silently with questions or quotes due at the end of the reading. Sometimes I put them in groups and make them read aloud to each other. There’s no one way that works for sure and of course ultimately I have no control over how much they read and I’m not naive enough to think that most of the reading assigned for homework doesn’t get skipped most of the time buuuuuut.
My bottom line is that I believe it’s my job to get excited about the actual text itself (easier for me in some cases than others but overall pretty easy because it does fill me with excitement) and then commit to taking them on the journey of the story with me. And my goal—that I’m sure I often don’t reach—is to make that experience so much more fun if you have actually read. And the way that I teach is pretty text heavy which is why I always make sure I’ve read the chapters for the day and am not just relying on my memory because the way I do it is just sort of absorbing it all up like a vacuum-cleaner, schwooooop, and then either pulling stuff out of the reading to look at directly or directing them to do the same thing. So the big thing that I have going for me, if any, is buy-in. Is getting kids excited about actually reading the actual text. I also speak often and passionately about the evils of sparknotes etc. not because they help kids get better grades or whatever but because they present you with the husk and shell of a story, stripped of all that makes it interesting, and that by reading that alone they’re reading something so dry and dull and are not achieving what I always want them to achieve —which is, have an Experience with the Literature.
Again, it never works perfectly by any stretch and there are so many ways I want to explore in my quest to get better at it but overall I think, at my very best, I can create this wave of energy and excitement in the story itself which is the most organic and ultimately most helpful way to get them to want to read.
Also no haha. I don’t let them annotate! Though occasionally kids DO of course. But sometimes they bring in their own copies in order to do that. The spoilers absolutely happen and are annoying but I sort of get by it by moving on very quickly and/or talking about how it’s often not the ending but how you get there that makes it interesting. Because that’s just true!
#gosh does this answer make sense#I am so passionate about doing it well and there are huge gaps in my teaching in terms of concrete stuff#but I am doing ….. Something in terms of bringing literature closer to them#and that’s what I want to do!#also love love love the bonus of getting to reread great works over and over until they start sinking into my brain#and I think (well I usually don’t think about it) but I think that the experience for them of watching me read it again#(and sometimes literally I won’t have time to read I need 10 minutes to finish this chapter and tell them to shut up)#(while I sit there and read it)#reminds them that I AM committed to doing the work with them. that I am actually doing it and that I want to!#and idk I think that is both a rarer experience and one that’s kind of underrated in terms of how much warmth it can create#because I have nothing in common with 16 year olds we couldn’t be friends in real life without it being very weird/possibly inappropriate#but in class we have a Thing to be friends about#we have a shared goal! and not just an arbitrary one but a deeply beautiful one#idk. there’s still a lot of boredom a lot of pushback a lot of disinterest#but I’m always amazed at how often kids do want to …. idk sink their teeth into something real#it’s REAL food for their minds. and the hunger for it is there even if they decide they’re too lazy to join the group#my goal is to —merely by the situation itself—make you feel left out of the fun if you refuse to do the work#so you can CHOOSE that but it’s less fun. it’s cold. it’s boring and it’s isolating#because refusing to do the work and insisting on being a little toad SHOULD come with natural social punishments in the form of exclusion#from the best kind of fun. it often does NOT. but yeah. I think I’m also getting better at shutting down toad behavior from adolescent male#this is where teaching co-Ed helps because there are some girls who are like ‘if you stop my learning I will kill you’#not ENOUGH girls but some#ooooof this is a long answer but literally always on my mind#thank you for asking!!! also haha I assumed you were an English teacher yourself!
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oh (vent in tags)
#checks notes. so the last time me and my partner had an actual conversation was back in may#fun !!!#our relationship has become such a nothing burger ik im partly to blame cause talking is a 2 sided thing but ive been the one reaching out#which is . weird since they are the type to talk a lot to people.#ive been feeling insecure for awhile cause they made a post about how they always feel closer to their friends rather than their partners#like. im sorry ??? if its such a recurring problem... uhh . yeah.#im just having doubts that they even want to be together#im the only one who ever mentions the idea of us meeting they did when first got together#which was almost 2 years ago now... so im just.#i feel like we would both be better off breaking up. buts its been so long since we've properly spoken that it feels awkward to talk#(oh and another that always gets to me is that whenever im venting about my depression and life on my priv twt.#they just. make light out of it or joke about it ??? like. not even an are you okay or im here for you. id honestly rather they ignored it#if theyre gonna be like that#anyway that was longer than planned.#i hate long distance relationships. i never wanted to be in one !!! arghhhh im not saying i never liked them but also us getting in one#was. uh a misunderstanding. they mistook me asking for clarification on what they were saying to me as me asking them out...#i just went along with it cause i was happy at the time and i liked them a lot. but i should of explained thats on me.#i dont know where i went wrong.....
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#guys can I be real for a sec#was texting my friend today and I casually mentioned I had probably developed a peach allergy#which is so depressing because I love peaches#but luckily I seemed to only be allergic to the fuzz on the outside#and my friend texted me 'I'll peel them for you'#and I think I died a thousand deaths at that#I told him that was one of the sweetest thing someone had ever told me and not to mind if I was getting emotional#and like it was chill after that we were havin a conversation on a completely different topic#but I don't think my friend really got how show-stopping jaw-dropping what he said to me was#and he's a chill guy so again I did tell him that was incredibly sweet because it's true and then we moved on#but I feel like I still need to scream at him in the face because my poor beating heart who is not casual at all about friendships#is going mad#these days especially I am rethinking a lot about my friendships and in general baout my human relationships#saw a friend I didn't see in a while a couple of days ago on a better night that I could have hoped for#spent yesterday night thinking about the words another friend told me#and now this guy it has relatively recently hit me how close we have grown. Like I recently realized I misremembered our relationship#and that we have been closer than I thought for longer than I thought#and today he hit me with this and he's chill but I am not and I kinda wanna send him that fucking post 'would you peel an orange for me'#I've had squishes more intense than your favourite romance books#I need to be hospitalised now because people care about me and like me and trust me. By people I mean my friends. Who'd have thought.
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woooo my niece took 5 of my 13 lego sets, one of which was one of the three larger ones, so that's one huge box out of the way and i'm just glad she wanted them because like they ARE twenty years old and they look fine ofc but sometimes kids aren't gonna want stuff that isn't new and shiny ya know, but she did seem to want everything which would've been fine with me but i knew there was no way they would take all that with them, and at least i still have stuff of my own to sell, plus should get at least a cut of my brother's stuff for doing the inventory and putting together that stuff that wasn't already done
#i mentioned the hp sets and how they had been pretty much left together and he was like '....i had harry potter sets?'#which once he saw them he did think they were familiar which was some of my feeling with mine#like oh YEAH i do remember these i just didn't remember having so many#i mean between 13 sets it's really like 3 categories so i would've played with like the whole ice palace and its related sets#i do just wonder how it'll be at the store like everything is pretty much in fine shape#and probably there are people who want older stuff that's rarer and whatever now#BUT then there might be more of a demand for newer stuff at a better price or whatever idk#anyway 6 sets left in the upstairs and then the bionicles and statue of liberty are still in the attic#i'm still not convinced there couldn't be another box somewhere bc idk how to explain the few sets#that are missing so much that i can't actually do them bc even if we had gotten rid of some why would we not include the huge base or w/e#anyway we'll see! but i'm getting closer! and i did a little one this morning#that seemed to be complete it didn't list some of the pieces as extras but based on the instructions i figure they have to be#so i don't really need them like i'll include them if i find them and they're not needed for something else but yeah#anyway i can go back to fic though these first two at least are short so i may be going back to another one tomorrow#can't wait to have my room back though fr like#it is not the only thing making it feel messy because i have newer jewelry and clothes and stuff that i just have to organize and put away#but man the jewelry situation is just. it's not even having so many pieces it's like big earrings that take up a lot of space or whatever#so i just have not wanted to deal with it but it's kinda out of hand#but i can really think about that after this particular project is done#and do puzzles again oh my god i have 3 puzzles waiting for me at least#plus my mom always has a bunch to be done since everyone knows to buy her puzzles lol but that has also gotten out of hand#i wouldn't mind getting rid of a couple of mine though just bc it is like okay you do it but then you just have it and it takes up space#would be cool to have pretty ones framed tho
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yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...
#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal#and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings#<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life#we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday 😌#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system#wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons#its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab#but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier#its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3#ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit#we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose 😔✋️#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping#<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy#was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes#but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone#like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night#so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too#sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy 😭#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah#.diaries
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Resisting the urge to carve myself a distaff from one of the evergreen boughs ive dragged home and learn medieval in-hand distaff spinning. Do i need to do any of this ? No. Am i happy with supported spinning ? Yes ! Am i probably gonna do it anyway ? ... also yes
#we talk a lot about the rabbit hole of fiber arts#but i dont think we talk enough about the rabbit hole of different spinning tools and techniques...#so far id say ive gotten proficient in drop spindling wheel spinning and supported spinning with russian style spindles#really want to get into either tahklis or charkah wheels#bc im gonna be visiting my wonderful fiancé in india and hes still gonna have work for most if not all of the time im there#so my plan is to spin a LOT. hoping to get really proficient in cotton spinning bc ive always really sucked at that#and then i really wanna learn medieval style spinning as well#if i was an academic i could easily see myself devoting my life to writing a book about spinning tools through the ages#i am so endlessly fascinated by it#but also really bad at research and have a pretty crippling case of dyslexia#i wanna try. all the tools#it always feels like the way to get closer to the past is to spin like them#since that has been THE constant human activity since quite possibly pre-homo sapiens times#i dont know how much cloth the neanderthals wove or if they were more inclined to use animal skins#but we do know they made yarn and they were good at it#sadly my hands cant do cordage. fucks em up in about a minute flat#but iirc we've found stone spindle whorls which may have been used for spinning#stone whorls can also be used for hand drills and fire starters and things like that so idk#anyway. i just want to know SO badly#spinning
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i wonder if part of the seeming-illiteracy i complain about when it comes to how fans understand many warriors characters is a product of how the series is compartmentalized?
people form an opinion on a character's actions in one arc, then they form an opinion of how they behave in another arc, and then they try to combine these two opinions -- and so if in the first arc, the fan's opinion is negative, then in the second, the character makes amends and grows, and the fan forms a positive opinion, the result isn't "this character did bad things and then grew as a person" it's "this character has done some good things and some bad things and should continue to be held accountable for all of the bad things"
a great deal of it is also the mindset that "sin"/any mistakes fudamentally stains you as a person, so no matter how much you repent or change, you are still a bad person -- and also that "bad thoughts" are, if not as condemnable as "bad actions", still something the character must be persecuted for and atone over. notice how these are both christian frameworks of wrongdoing.
maybe because we go back and forth so often in the timeline, we end up with this character-development-soup where any action a character took in the 4th arc is still just as relevant to who they are as the action they took in the 6th arc. it's hard to discuss "ivypool" when i don't even know if the people i'm talking to have read avos, tigerheart's shadow, the broken code, AND the Thunder excerpt, or if we're arguing over OOTS ivypool and one post they read on tumblr
an example of this timeline-soup fallibility in my own analysis is how i think about Blossomfall's age in comparison to Thornclaw's. i think of OOTS as "my era" because it's the series that was coming out when i got into the books as a kid. So, Blossomfall in my imagination is almost always OOTS Blossomfall.
Therefore, when I try to reconcile "blossomfall and thornclaw are a couple" with the OOTS Blossomfall that lives in my brain, alarm bells go off. It's hard to factor in the timeskip between OOTS and AVOS because i'm still subconsciously living in OOTS.
anyway, it's just something to think about
#wc meta#this is like. Meta meta. i'm thinking about How we think about the characters as a fanbase#and how the way the series is organized might contribute to that#i think there are a lot of other factors too but i feel like not all arcs are created equal#some hold more weight in your imagination#so the events and characters kinda override other arcs' contents#blossomthorn's age gap still makes me uncomfortable because she's barely older than his grandnieces#she's also completely a grown up by AVOS so there's nothing actually on-paper Wrong with them getting together#it's just a sticky gray area of getting together with someone who has been well into adulthood before you were even born#nevermind that he's old enough to be her dad. he's old enough to be her grandfather#he's a few months younger than her father and she's closer in age to her kits than she is to him#etc etc etc#it doesn't make it de facto unhealthy or inappropriate. it's just. a bit uncomfortable
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